Aunty Donna Podcast - Our 400th Episode With A Tea Cake
Episode Date: May 7, 2024We started with a sock drawer and ended with Na’vi. Happy 401st episode! LINKS Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig Become a Patreon supporter at http://a...untydonnaclub.com/ CREDITS Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno Producer: Lindsey Green Digital Producers: Nick Barrett, Jim Cruse & Tanya Zerek Audio Imager: Mitch Calladine Supervising Producer: Elise Cooper Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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A listener production.
Hi everybody and welcome to the 400th celebration part two.
We have tea cake and sponge and we're going to have it out on the Auntie Donna podcast.
If you like this and you want to see our ugly dead shit faces,
enter the only Donna Club powered by Patreon right now for lots of fun stuff there.
The video of this plus some wonderful
Auntie Donut Club original series like
Just play the song. D&D? D&D? Yeah D&D. Play the song.
Hello everyone and welcome to episode 400 part 2. Yeah, technically episode 401.
Technically, well, technically.
Technically, it is 401, but and you're probably looking at it going, technically it is 401, but and you're probably looking
at it going, but this is 401, but it's not.
It is part two of episode 400.
Can I ask you what will, what will next week be?
Episode 402.
I don't know exactly what we're going to do.
No, but what does that tell you about this episode?
It's like when there's a draw, when you've got a top 10 and like they're equal third,
you might skip the four or the two.
That's weird.
Because when there's a draw in my house, I usually just put my socks and undies in them. Don't leave, don't leave, don't leave.
Zakes had an emotional.
Why did that?
So folks, if you're just joining the podcast, if you've just tuned in, we were talking about
the semantics of the Aunty Donna podcast, this episode, whether it's 400 part 2 or 401, we put a very fair question to Zach,
then you did a pun.
Well, I just, I was just, oh well he's back by the way.
I think he's just, he's not canonically back.
I just want to be able to riff later.
Right.
You didn't want to leave a sound proof.
So folks, yep, get over there.
So if you're just tuning in, Zach has walked out of the podcast and I don't know if he's
ever going to come back.
Can you do what you like, you're being interviewed later about it?
Like for like a reality show?
Oh right, yeah.
So when I was thinking of how to kind of make a joke about draw drawers, I thought
of my sock drawer this morning because it's only this morning I went to my sock drawer
and got my Andes and my, and a fresh pair of socks out.
It's gotta be quicker. It's gotta be. It's just a little cut.
Edit it. You edit it in the, you said do it like it was on reality TV. In reality TV.
How it would look in the edit. Do it how it would look in the edit.
Well then say that.
Do it how it would look in the edit.
I was giving you the raw material that the producer would then take away,
cut up and fix up, all right?
Do it how it would look in the edit.
I'm only one man.
I can only do so many things.
I can only take so many directions.
Do it.
Be specific.
Here's one.
When I said, oh, when I have a drawer at my house I usually keep my sock and undies in
it and Zach-
Sock and undies?
You're the worst producer ever!
You're the worst-
You're giving me-
Let me finish!
Let me finish!
You're giving me shit!
You're giving me direction!
You're giving me shit!
What did I say?
And asking me to eat this shit.
What did I say that was bad?
Sock and undies.
What's wrong with sock and undies? Socks and undies. What's wrong with sock and undies?
Socks and undies.
I only have one sock in there Broden.
What?
I forgot you're the foot mister.
I'm the foot mister.
I'm the foot mister.
I only have one sock in that drawer.
Why do you only have one sock?
Because I'm the foot mister!
Fucking idiot!
You're the foot mister! Fucking idiot! You're the foot mister!
I can't believe I have to deal with this on either the 401st or 400 part 2 episode!
Yes, yes, yes, 3 stops.
Did you say episode?
I said whatever the fuck I wanted to say and if that's what you heard then that's what you heard.
I'm questioning my ears. Did you say episode?
Not on purpose. But what did you say?
I don't know.
Because I might have misheard the mispronunciation.
Lindsay, what did you hear?
Maybe I said ek-pisode or something.
Ek-a-spoid.
Ek-pisode?
Can I just say something, guys?
Zach's back.
Yeah, I've been back for maybe 30 seconds now,
and I thought, you know, I wasn't expecting an apology,
but I was at least expecting an acknowledgement
of my return.
But all I got was you yelling at him.
He says shit fuck sometimes.
You gotta cut him some slack.
You yelling at him about Ex-A-Picode.
I don't think it was that mangled.
It was pretty mangled, man.
I'm coming into Batfee, but don't make it harder now
If anything I think would have been X episode. Yeah, I come in here. Well when I just want to say
When I go into bat, it's always harder
Okay, Zach is walking out for the second time
Mark whenever you
Firstly Mark whenever you make a pun a silly a silly pun, it is triggering something for
Zach.
Well, did you understand that one at the least?
Yeah, your masturbation.
Yeah, when I go on the bat, like my cock.
Now, do the bit that would be cut in here for the interview.
When I said, when I go...
Oh!
You gotta do...
What I'm asking...
I did it!
I was doing it!
No, it's...
And Zach just got up and left.
That's what they gotta... You do that! No, because you... and Zach just got up and left. You do that!
No, cause you do that.
Bro, you can do it too, man.
Alright.
But don't I need to give the context of what happened?
Don't you just... isn't that what happened?
Do you watch reality TV shows?
Not really.
Love is Blind.
That's the only one I watch.
And Zach's back, everyone.
Everyone make a big...
We'll make a big fucking ooh-hah about it!
Not really.
I'm not really back.
I'm just here to help.
Cause neither of you know how to fucking produce a reality show. Not really, I'm not really back. I'm just here to help, because neither of you
know how to fucking produce a reality show.
Broden, you as the witness can say,
and then Zach just stormed out for a second time.
What I would do is I would go to you saying that.
I would then come back to the shock.
And then I'd come to Mark more for his emotional reaction.
So if I can get from you, Broden,
and then Zach storms out for a second time, and
then from Mark, what I need from you is just a bit of a, like, what am I doing wrong here?
Just talk about how you're feeling. Mark, here's my question for you.
See? See the direction?
This is incredible.
This is amazing direction. How are you feeling? Can you tell the audience a little bit succinctly
about how you're feeling in that moment when Zach walks out for a second time?
And Lynn's a bit of like drama music, you know, like a bit of that would be great.
And you know, if you have it, if it's available, maybe we need to buy it a little bit of time
for you to find it, but maybe we don't have to.
Maybe we don't and maybe we do. All I know is we'll find out whether we gave enough time to
find that music right now. Or in a little bit, depending on...
Did you just hear like three little horns?
I got...
Oh yeah, no, this is actually fucking spot on.
Yeah, go.
Oh yeah, this is very desperate spot on. Yeah, go.
Oh yeah, this is very Desperate Housewives, yeah.
Yeah.
Or whatever, what was the, um, yeah, Zach, you better listen to this.
Yeah, you better, Zach, we need you to, uh...
So, I think you're referring to Real Housewives.
Yeah.
But, that is a fair mistake to make, Real Housewives was inspired by Desperate Housewives.
It was the sort of pitch, the reality version of it.
Can I hear those sounds? Can I hear those sounds? Well, this is it. This is it. You can go back to the sort of pitch. The reality version. Can I hear those sounds?
Can I hear those sounds? Well this is it. You can go back to the start of the track. Yeah I'd love to hear the start of the track. It starts very sneaky.
Yeah great. I know what I need in a man and I know what I don't want from my friends. Something like that.
Yeah.
Can you say that in the, so get up and walk out.
Broden?
Yep.
You've tried to produce this.
You've got to let Zach produce this.
So, Mark, yeah, again, tell me what happened and then tell me how it felt.
So I'm not going to leave again.
We've got that moment.
We also got me walking away.
Um, okay, great.
When you're ready, guys.
And Zach just gets up and walks out of the podcast.
I was shocked and baffled, but mostly I was rock hard. In the same way that I made the
pun about barring up and getting hard, I got hard when Zach walked out of the room. And
I felt sexy.
Okay, now Zach's coming back now.
And horny.
That's great, Mark. Can I just get that, um...
You can cut that up.
More... Can I just get it a little more concise?
Just... How are you feeling? How are you feeling?
Zach just walked out on you. How does that make you feel, man?
Yep.
Zach just walked out on me and I'm pissed,
but excited and sexy and hard.
My dick is hard.
Okay, Zach. Zach walked out and he's coming is hard. I have a hard dick.
Zach walked out and he's coming back now.
Okay, great, Mark.
Did you have any questions of yourself?
Like how are you feeling about your own thing?
Have you done something wrong here?
No.
Say that.
No, I haven't done anything wrong, Zach.
Make sure you say the question in the answer.
The question in the answer is no.
I haven't done anything wrong.
Cut the music.
Are you back now? Do we need to make a hoo-ha about you actually being back or are you just producing the...
I'm back. I'm back.
I acknowledge that.
Now, let's talk about this.
Oh yeah, we got cake.
Now this is a little, the team here have organised some nice tea cake for us.
Well there's tea cake, there's sponge cake.
Half a tea cake.
For us to sort of, the office to have a celebration of the 400 episodes, 401 episodes.
Broden, I would love you and Zach for you both to describe the density of this cake
to an audience that aren't subscribed to the Aunty Donna Club powered by Patreon.
And this is the stuff you could be getting, Mark.
Before we describe it, can I get you to just get it up to your camera, really get it in
front of your face, get a reel, turn it around. Mark is just turning around the tea cake just for those, those that are subscribed
to the Auntie Donna Club.com.
Just so they get the visual.
Don't join for that though.
No, no.
Don't join to see a cake.
Like go to Woolworths for free and see a tea cake.
It's the cost of a living crisis.
You don't think this was Coles? No, that is Woolworths. I know that's Woolworths for free and see a tea cake. It's the cost of like living crisis. You don't think this was Coles?
No, that is Woolworths. I know that's Woolworths.
It's here to celebrate 401 episodes of the Only Donut Podcast.
400.
Maybe that's what we can do for the part one.
That's a really good idea.
In three months time.
Broden, describe the cake, man.
Just the density of it.
It's a tea cake. People know how dense a tea cake is.
No, I didn't.
If you said to me, tea cake, I wouldn't have automatically thought fucking dense as a brick.
Let me do layers.
Let me do layers.
All right?
There's no layers.
There's no layers.
Let me do descriptive layers.
Layer one.
If you know tea cakes, it's a tea cake.
Beautiful.
Layer two.
Oh, I understand.
Like, layer of knowledge. layer of knowledge, layer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you have ever had like a slice.
You can put it down, Mark.
Thank you.
If you ever have had a slice of cake, like a cake slice.
Like a- What kind of cake?
Like you're at an airport, they've got glad-wrapped some cake,
some slices of cake to take on the plane with
you. Boos juice unknown to do it. Yeah. Glad wrap carrot cake. We're in that realm. Bread,
banana bread. Banana bread was what I was going to say. I was going to say, imagine
the density of a banana bread without that banana. By the way, banana bread bread more like banana cake it is it is more what what's your what's
your stance on that like banana bread where's your stance red mate that is
cake that is like hey come on oh you know I think the way that you know
people are munching down on banana bread and they think they're having something healthy
they've got banana, they've got bread and it's like mate this is stacked with the culls the macros are out of whack
and that's why I give banana bread a zero out of ten.
Ring ring, ring ring.
Hello?
Oh hi you just talking about the banana bread?
Well yeah banana bread or banana cake, mate?
Well, I'm on your side, mate. I reckon it's cake.
I'm sorry, though. This is denser than banana bread.
Yeah, I can't see it. I'm just driving down. I'm from a gun between Gold Coast and Brisbane.
What have you done?
Well, I work, I live in Gold Coast. It's cheaper living and I've got a nice metricon house.
But I work just outside
of Brisbane.
Not what do you do?
What have you done?
Today?
Wow.
Today?
No, no, no.
No.
With your life, what have you done?
Well we went, last year we went to Alice Springs.
He's not getting it.
He's not getting it. He's not getting it.
He's not getting it.
Can I do a new character as well once he's done with his character?
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
We're getting people to call up today.
Do you want me to go?
No, no, this is a good character.
Do you want me to go?
Because we want to know.
Can you pass me a little bit of that tea cake?
Yeah.
On a little plate?
Oh.
I'm not a fucking Neanderthal.
Mark's just picked up it.
Just picked up it.
Just just just just a little bit more.
Just ripped out a clump of the tea cake and has put it on a Nespresso saucer for Zach to have.
Which you can see if you go to...
I'd love to see that.
Well, you can't.
But mate, here's a question for you.
What have you done?
Well, this morning I had Vita Brits.
No mate.
No, no.
No, what did you eat for breakfast?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
Tell me, what have you done?
Started as a apprentice.
Nailed it.
On the side.
Nailed it.
Alright, next caller.
Next caller.
Bye. We're ringing. What have, next call up. Next call up. All right. Bye. Wic, Wic,
ring in. What have you done? What have you done? Not what do you do? Not where have you
been today? What did you have for breakfast? What have you done? We want to know and think
about that question. What have you Lyndon done? What? Is that a person? You played for Melbourne Collingwood. Right. What have you, Lyndon, done?
Call us up. Let us know.
Ring ring.
Oh, we've got our first caller.
Well, second.
Are you an ear?
It's actually our second.
Hi, who do we have on the line?
Hi, you've got Lynette.
Lynette.
Lynette. No got Lynette. Lynette? Lynette?
No, Lynette. I'd like to leave my last name out of this for privacy.
No, we would never. We would never betray your trust. What's it start with?
Al.
Lynette. Lynette Linden. Lynette Linden? Is it Lynette Linden? It's Lynette Lynette.
Lynette Lynette. Are you Linden? Is it Lynette Linden? It's Lynette Lynette. Lynette Lynette.
Lynette Lynette.
Are you a Collingwood Melbourne supporter?
No, I am a Demons girl.
Okay.
I love the Melbourne Demons.
My father supported Melbourne Demons.
I said are you a Collingwood Melbourne supporter?
You said no, I'm a Demons fan.
I didn't hear the Melbourne part.
I thought you just...
You didn't hear it?
Or you don't know what you're talking about? Miss Lynette, listen. I thought you thought... What have you Linden done? I didn't hear the Melbourne part. I thought you didn't hear it. Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. Miss Lynette
Listen, I thought you thought what have you Linden done? I didn't hear the end. What have you Linden done?
So I come on. I want to get to the next call
I live in a piss me off. I live in a sort of a rural area
And I noticed they weren't showing the movies I wanted to see at the cinema. This was in the early 2000s
Yeah, and I got together with a few of my friends. We
started a film club. So every second Wednesday...
Oh, that's a great idea, Lynette.
We had people. So we showed the old reel. This was back when we got...
What area? What country area do you live in?
I live just north of Bunyip.
Okay, right. So that's interesting, right? You came in, you're like, I wanna keep it private,
but I now know your full name and what area you live.
Do you see how I've done that?
Fuck, man.
I got you, Lynette.
I fucking got you, Lynette.
You give me the vibe of someone who would have fucking loved
3000 years of longing.
Do you wanna know?
Well, like literally or a movie?
Now the movie.
Yeah, well, we didn't screen that one.
We did Chicago.
We did The Hours.
We did more recently, we stopped doing it
after about two years because no one was coming.
And then we started up again recently
and we did that strange one with the sort of
time traveling laundromat lady.
Oh, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
We didn't care for that one at all.
That was a bit strange.
Why didn't you like that?
All the things everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, all the things everywhere, time
travelling laundromat lady.
I just didn't understand what was going on. I didn't like the dildos.
I didn't like the long fingers.
Do you find in small communities, these clubs, these nights are so important to staying connected?
Absolutely.
Because otherwise you just die in your house and no one finds you. The dog and cat's at
you.
No, absolutely. You're so right. That happened to my husband.
I was the only one that knew he was dead for years.
Really?
Yeah, and no one discovered the body.
It was just rotting away in the bedroom.
Why didn't you do something about that Lynette Lynette?
What are you talking about?
Why didn't you fucking get someone to come pick the dead body up?
Because I would wear his suit and a wig and go around killing people.
Oh, I see.
And I was able to pin it on him.
Who's your favourite team out of Adelaide or the Crows?
SHE LAUGHS
SHE LAUGHS
She's a demons man.
You said... Right, right.
But it doesn't go for Melbourne.
But you didn't say Collingwood or Melbourne.
You were like, Collingwood, Melbourne.
And I just missed the Melbourne part.
There's a team called the Collingwood, Melbournes.
No, there's not.
You got me.
That was good though.
That was a good one.
Thank you so much for calling in.
Lynette, but before you go, what have you done?
Well, she killed her husband.
I know that.
I killed my husband.
Yeah, but I'm talking more in a...
I think my film club...
Hugely vulnerable.
What?
My film club, I killed my husband and then used his identity to commit serial kill.
Oh, and I understand that.
But my question is, it's a bit broader than that.
It's a bit bigger than that.
My question is, what have you done?
I'm a mother of three.
There you go.
There you go.
That's what we're trying to get to today.
What have you done?
Linden done.
Linden done.
What have you Linden?
Well, kicked a couple of rippers, I reckon.
Kicked a couple of goals.
Ring ring.
Ring ring.
Don't go.
Don't go.
Lyndon Dunn.
He's a footballer.
He used to play for going when he plays for Melbourne now.
All right.
Broden's left because.
And he's really left.
Well if I were to ask Lyndon Dunn what if you.
We've got to do the talking heads now man.
All right so.
Well can you give me some direction?
Yeah well I'll do mine first.
All right go. Because I don't need direction. It's at this moment that direction? Yeah well I'll do mine first. Alright.
Because I don't need direction.
It's at this moment that Broden, sorry I'll just let him come back in.
He's going to come back in but fake it.
Fake it.
You stay back there.
Fake it.
Broden's come back into the studio but we're having him up.
You gotta fake it.
You gotta fake it.
Alright.
It's at this moment that Broden storms out and I'm like, uh oh, Mark's done it again.
Yeah, Lyndon done it again.
Okay, Mark, now can you just sort of talk about, now this is a different person, right?
So I've just got Lyndon Dunn energy now.
She's locked in.
Lyndon, Lyndon.
Lyndon Dunn energy is more like, get around the back, mate.
Go number four.
That's funny.
Full forward.
Get in the rock. So when Broden stormed out, yeah, how did that make you feel you can come back in?
But we're just doing talking heads when Broden stormed out. How did that make you when Broden stormed out? I felt
Do I have to feel anything in particular
No, you just need to tell us succinctly how you felt in that moment when Broden walked out in that moment
I felt succinctly. What are you thinking in that moment. When Broden walked out in that moment, I felt succinctly.
What are you thinking in that moment?
I was thinking...
Ring ring.
Ring ring.
Oh, we have a caller.
So there's no time for thinking.
Hello?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who's this?
Oh yeah.
Who's this?
Yeah.
Who's this?
Yeah.
Who is this?
Yeah. Sorry's this? Yeah. Who is this?
Yeah. Sorry. Oi. There's also a sponge. I just want to say I'm about to eat some sponge. Yeah, there's a sponge cake.
Who is this? Hi, who's this? Who the fuck is this?
Yeah. Oh, okay. Hey, we're asking callers. What have you done?
Yeah. Oh, okay. Who the fuck is this?
Who is this? Who are you?
Yeah.
Sorry, what?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
These microphones are not as directional
as I'd hoped they'd be.
So while Mark is doing this big dramatic scene,
which I want you to continue,
you can really hear me chewing on this sponge cake.
I want to say I was enjoying that.
I think it adds to the drama.
Great, but I still will move away from the microphone.
But I think-
This is my dead dad, by the way.
That's cool.
Oh, I thought it was Broden.
Oh, that's better.
Is that a better twist?
It is me.
Yeah.
Anyway, do the drama thing.
Go, go, go.
I'm a pair of pants.
You're a pair of pants?
Are you the pair of pants that I lost?
Are you the pair of-
You're a bunch of sponge.
Okay.
Well, you don't-
Just stop it.
I'm not feeling it now. I can't do the dramatic scene anymore because like you started doing something very polite
and then you did and then you addressed the politeness which made it less polite and then
you just add, you added dialogue.
But do you understand I'm not going direct into the microphone.
I'm putting...
If I can still hear it, it's a problem.
Okay.
Okay.
You were saying, within like 30 centimeters of the mic, while he was doing dead dad moving
shit, you were saying, yum yum yum, yummy cake yum.
I'm just about to find out that my dead dad was a pair of pants.
Well, you found that out.
Yeah.
I was doing that Pixar movie.
What one?
Pants.
Pants? Pants. Pants?
Pants? Pants?
I give it, I give it...
Put this... write this down...
Within 10 years. Well, there already is a... actually I was about to go...
There is already a Pixar movie called Pants.
Is there?
Yeah, but Dead Dad Pants.
Pants.
Dead Dad Pants.
What is that movie called?
Dead Dad Pants. Dead Dad Pants. What's Dead Dad Pants pants. Pants. Dead dad pants. What is that movie called? Dead dad pants.
Dead dad pants. What's dead dad pants called?
Pants.
I don't know, I fell off. I used to know everything about Pixar.
Pants.
Is it called like magical or some shit?
Dead dad pants?
Dead dad pants?
There's a Pixar film where...
There's someone like put, like the spirit of the dead dad is in the pants?
I never saw but dead dad pants. They bring back the dad and they only bring of the dead dad is in the pants? I never saw, but dead dad pants.
They bring back the dad and they only bring back the dead dad pants.
Oh yeah, onward.
I hate it onward.
Dead dad pants.
I hate it onward.
Ring ring.
Disney bought Pixar and stripped it for parts.
Yeah, the thing is, it's hard to know. they bought it in 2006 cars came out that year not a great film, but then after cars, you know, you had
Ratatouille
You had some pretty good films come out brave wasn't so good takes a long time to make those
That's the thing is that most of those are probably already in pre-production within three or four years Disney got good pigs. I got shit. Yeah
Yeah, Brayden you got shit. Yeah. Yeah.
Broden, you calling in? Hello, how are you man? Oh, hi, how are you?
Hello, what's your name?
This is me, I'm the CEO of Woolworths.
I heard you've been having some of our delicious cakes for lunch today.
Celebrating 400 episodes.
So from the team at Woolworths...
401, even better.
So, just...
So from the team here at Woolworths, we wanted to wish you a great 401 episodes and here's
to another 400 for you.
Now there's a guy who used to be a part of a big sort of group that studies this stuff.
He reckons that you're doing some bad shit.
What are your thoughts on him?
Excuse me?
There's a guy that used to do some stuff and he reckons you're no good and he reckons that.
What are your thoughts on him?
Look, I'm happy to answer any questions you have.
It does sound a bit vague though.
Can you be a bit more specific about the issues?
Because at Woolworths, we're the fresh food people.
This is the new CEO.
The old CEO would have gone, can you cut that?
But the new CEO, sharper.
Oh wait, did they change?
Did he change?
Oh yeah, he stepped out recently.
The CEO changed from the one that went, can you cut that?
I'm the new CEO of Woolworths and I'm so excited to be here on the Undead Onn podcast.
We've got savings coming at the wazoo for our Everyday Rewards customers.
What have you done?
Wow.
What have I done?
Nothing.
I'm running a wonderful, wonderful home for your fresh food.
Now what do you do?
Now what do you do?
Now what do you do?
Now what do you do?
What have you done? Well I'll tell you what I No, what do you do? No, what do you do? What have you done?
Well, I'll tell you what I've done.
I've sent those prices back where they belong.
No, no, that's not what we're looking for.
What have you done?
Hmm.
You got kids?
Oh yeah.
Great.
Alright, next caller.
Fuck, I didn't, it's true, right?
Because I don't think someone's a human until they've got some kids.
Well, you haven't done anything worthy until you have kids.
Do you have kids?
Yeah.
I didn't know, Mark.
Congratulations.
Well, I keep them hidden.
No, don't take kids.
Mark, no.
No, Mark, no.
They're not my kids.
Ring, ring, ring, ring.
Hello.
Can I?
I'm a detective and I just heard that Mark's got kids.
Can I speak to Mark?
Yeah, Mark.
Hello.
Hi.
Mark.
Detective, what's your name?
My name's Ron.
Sit down, mate.
Is that your surname?
No, my last name's Ron Eddles.
So, Detective Ron Eddles.
Wait a second.
Aren't you a journalist, Ron Eddles?
No, no, no.
I was out of homicide for 30 years.
Right, and now you write books.
Yeah.
That's up.
I wrote an A-book.
I just think of you as a writer, not a detective.
That's so funny, isn't that funny?
That's so funny. That is funny.
Because you write about being a detective. It's crazy of me to think that.
I write things like eggs, milk, butter.
That's your shopping list.
I write a shopping list. Candles I put on it the other day.
What for?
Don't tell my landlord, apparently you're not allowed to have candles in your house.
You're not allowed to have candles in your house?
Yeah, because it's open flame.
But how else am I going to keep the place smelling fresh?
Yeah.
Alright, bye.
Get all that fuss out.
Sets.
Where you going?
Ring ring.
You just called.
Ring ring.
Oh, we've got our first caller.
First caller for the day.
You've joined the Under the Book House.
What's your name?
And what have you, Lyndon Dunne?
What have you, Lyndon Dunne?
Hi, I'm a fitness influencer.
Oh, Instagram?
Instagram, TikTok.
Nice.
What can you bench?
I can, you know, look, I can bench lots, but that's not the point.
What I do is I do the chill ones.
You know, I do those videos where it's like, chill out.
If you want a slice of pizza, have a slice of pizza.
Just make sure you have a salad with it.
And what's on your bench?
What's on my bench?
Your kitchen bench?
Just so much protein powder.
Oh yeah?
Just piles and piles on it.
Do you have a bowl for your keys?
Do you have a bowl for your keys?
Answer the question!
Don't have to stop avoiding it.
More of a basket.
More of a wicked basket.
What else is in that basket?
What's your name?
Yeah, surely it's not just the keys.
How big is this fucking basket?
Or, more importantly, how big are your keys?
I've got some pretty big keys.
Yeah?
Yeah, I've got my car keys.
Do you have like British ones?
Like this door's from the 1920s kind of keys.
You know what I mean?
I got one, one big British one for the thing out the back, the room out the back.
If I had the technology of honey, I blew up the kids, I would make my keys bigger and
the lock bigger.
Why?
Because then I'd never lose my key.
I've been wanting to rewatch, sorry, drop a character for a second.
I've been wanting to rewatch honey, Irunk the Kids for like four months now.
I think they get too small. That's my biggest complaint about that film.
Yeah, they get fucking tiny.
They get way too small.
You reckon they should just go to like a five foot two?
Yeah, just like, just shave off a couple of centimeters.
They are too small. They are too small.
They're way too small in that movie.
Yeah, yeah, because they get get like the ant nearly kills them
Yeah, okay, they know I get killed by bug. Yeah, if he just like microscopic
If he if he just took off like 10 20 centimeters, he still could have gone
To his missus and gone. Honey. I shrunk the kids. She were gonna have much
They were like, oh just a bit
Not as big of a nose long of a movie, but still
a great premise executed well.
You know what I would love to see? I would love to see, they're owned by different studios,
so it'll never happen, but I would love to see a crossover of Tall Girl and Honey I Shrunk
the Kids.
Yeah.
Where she tries to use that technology to get to five foot three, so she can get the
boy of her dreams, but then she shrinks herself too small and then is in the backyard goes into cereal fights bugs
Yeah, it's really just like the first five minutes is tall girl
And then it just becomes very similar to honey a shrunk the kid but then would she deal also deal with like the ants and stuff
Laughing at her for being too tall
Because even what then yeah, what's interesting about that to me is that she can't escape
how tall she is and what she learns through being shrunk down to ant size is that she's
a loser, it doesn't matter if she's normal tall size or small tall size.
I think what happens is like there's like a cool guy at school who's never met her, a new guy
Right and he meets her when she's one inch tall and he gets the hots for it
He falls in love with her one inch tall
He's like, my dick's gonna look so big against the one inch tall person
Yeah, and he's really really into her and then she's like I got some news
I'm actually like 5'11 and he's like, oh that's fine too. Yeah
5'11", and he's like, oh, that's fine too. Yeah.
Better than being 9'11".
Oh God, to be 9'11 is to be one of the worst days in American history.
And that-
Not a height at all.
No.
That would be terror.
No, no.
A height of terror.
Yes, the height of the-
Has anyone been 9'11"?
Well, on American soil.
Has anyone been 9'11"?
What's the tallest person?
Navi, Navi. Navi is so tall. The Navi are probably 9-eleven tall.
What do you think, influencer? Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, um, oh yeah, um, what do I think?
I think, you know, if you want a slice of pizza, have a slice of pizza.
Yeah, but Navi. What do you think of the Navi? What do you think of the blue people in Avatar?
Stop dodging Navi. Here's my question, would you fuck the Navi?
And you're not an Avatar, you're a person.
You're just wearing one of those masks.
Well my question is-
F***
You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another RIP episode brought to you by Aunty Donna Club dot com.
See you next week!