Bad Friends - Bad Boys & Fairy Fantasies
Episode Date: May 6, 2024Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: ZocDoc & Rocket Money • ZocDoc: Find and book top rated doctors at https://www.zocdoc.com/badfrie...nds • Rocket Money: Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Go to https://rocketmoney.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bobby's New Hair 3:58 Rudy's Embarrassed of Us 9:32 Recycling Bins & Trash Trucks 16:42 Filipino Ghosts 22:52 Bobby Laughs, Rudy Cries! 33:25 We're Living in GTA5 41:28 Not Showing Butts in Abu Dhabi 47:45 Fairy Foreplay 52:10 Let's Do Elections Like the Koreans More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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That's the sound of unaged whiskey, transforming into Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey in Lynchburg,
Tennessee.
Around 1860, nearest green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for
a smoother taste, one drop at a time.
This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell.
To hear them in person, plan your trip at
tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
White dude and Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
You look so handsome today, Bobby.
Oh, yes, I'm handsome today, Bobby. Oh, yes, I'm so handsome today, Bobby.
I'm not buying it.
Oh, yeah, you look cute.
No, hey, yeah, I'm not buying any of that.
What are you talking about?
You look so cute.
No, I, too, coming from you, dude,
that's legit, no legit to quit, too legit to quit.
You're a cutie pie.
This is- Stop saying it, it's weird now.
Eat some Skittles, let me see you eat some Skittles.
You eat some of those Japanese skittles
Oh, yeah, it's good really turned me on. Oh really? What's that?
Oh, we got a we got a bag of cookies from what from Whole Foods cookie bar
Do you know about this open that up look at how many cookies are inside of that thing?
Whole Foods though Whole Foods cookie bar have you never had whole I only go to era one cookie bar. Oh gross
We're not whole we're not but open that that up, looking at them in different kinds.
Out of zero.
Should I give away my,
should I give away my secret, Macon?
Of what we do?
Okay, so when I go to like the cookie bar like this
and I get like two pounds of cookies,
that's, what would it say, 2.6 pounds?
Yeah, right.
You have to pay for these cookies?
Yeah, well check it out.
You go to the self checkout
and then you just put it on the thing
like you're gonna weigh it,
but you hold it right above it.
Yeah. So it only registers, you know, like what did that say like points?
That's good
Cookie Mario tricks. Well, I i'm a cookie monster
Whoa, that's good. Wait a minute. First of all whole foods is amazon. You only brought it for bobby
Huh? I don't want any one of these right? Well, you guys can have it
No, no, we brought it for the for the for the crew. I'm have Japanese candy, but I gotta tell you McCall. This is way too many cookies
So many how much was that?
It's supposed to be yeah, how much was supposed to be I think we paid I think we paid
$4.68 and it was supposed to be $26
I'm a tricky cookie boy You tricky. I'm a tricky cookie boy. Yeah.
You know me, I'm a tricky cookie boy.
Who me?
I'm a tricky cookie boy.
Let me see, let me see.
Those are.
No, let me see, hold on.
All right.
Aso.
Aso, aso, aso, aso, aso.
Aso with these skittles.
They taste like regular skittles.
They do.
Yeah.
They're just Japanese. Why did you give me this?
Matcha.
That's from Carlos.
I think Carlos wanted to bring you some.
What's going on today?
No, just in case your day wasn't so good.
It wasn't good.
You had a long day.
Terrible.
But it's okay now, aren't you?
No.
No.
It's not.
It's bad?
Pretty bad, dude.
Why is it so bad today?
Oh, sit down.
I have something to talk to you about.
Sit down, asshole.
Asshole.
Blue chair.
Blue chair, man.
Bluechoo!
Hi, Carlos.
Hi.
Hi, Stevon.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, Andres.
Hi, McCone.
Put your purse in the other chair.
Let me ask you a question.
What?
You're about to get it.
What's wrong with you?
Because you're going to ask Goldie.
Why do you have temple zits?
Why do you have them? You're supposed to get it. What's wrong with you? Cause you're gonna scold me. Why do you have temple zits?
Why do you have them?
You're supposed to get them on your face, not the temple.
What do you mean temple?
Yeah, this is your temple right here.
She's trying to, when she does this,
she does white eyes, and so when she does white eyes.
Oh, I used to get those.
Don't do white eyes.
White people don't like them.
No, don't do white eyes.
I know you're like, hello, I have a credit card.
Or whatever.
I don't know what they say.
What does that word white people say?
Yeah, hello.
I'd like to pay in cash.
What are some things that only whites can say?
What are some things that you hear only whites say
that you would never hear a Korean say?
We'll hear her go.
Yeah.
Gosh golly.
That's good. Gosh golly. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Gosh golly. That's good.
Gosh golly.
Oh, gosh golly.
Gosh golly is good.
My gosh golly.
Jiminy Crickets.
Heavens to Betsy.
When you go, when you see somebody,
they got a white guy and you go,
you have to be at my house at seven and they go,
okey dokey.
No, tell me you'll be at my house.
You have to be at your house at seven.
You gotta be at my house at seven o'clock.
I'll be there early.
Yeah, yeah.
We're always early.
Yeah, white people love it.
What do you gotta yell at her about?
Oh, so, hey.
Your comforter.
Oh, did you piss on the comforter again?
Oh yeah, this is a fun game.
That's cool, guess what it is?
Why is Bobby mad today?
Guess what it is.
The cats.
Cats are beautiful.
I cleaned everything.
I'm not, I don't know.
Oh, well there's one thing that you do
that really disturbed me day to day.
I called you about it.
Oh, the bottles, the cans?
Not just the cans.
What?
What are you doing?
Go ahead.
God damn man, this guy.
I was about to Christian Bale it again, dude.
What happened with the cans and the bottles and the cats?
And the cats and the bottles and the cans and the bottles and the bottles of the Bobby Lee house.
It's the cats and the bottles and something is broken.
Whose fault is it? Yours?
It's your fault.
So I buy these chili.
I buy chili from Arowan.
You know, sometimes I don't finish them.
You never finish, you don't even eat it.
It's just a design.
It's just a design?
Yeah, in your fridge.
You collect 25 of them.
I do designs in my fridge, yeah, but I'm artsy.
You mean chili peppers?
No, I form them so it makes a configuration,
you know what I mean, so it's artsy.
What do you mean chili from Airwon?
Turkey chili?
Yeah, that.
Those bottles.
Oh, God, Bob.
Just because you want people to come over and open your fridge and see Airwon?
It's $50.
Yeah.
That is $50 for a jar of chili?
It's the best chili you'll ever have.
I fucking hope so.
Yeah.
How does it compare to the water?
Shut up, dude.
And don't give me a chili test either, dude.
I'll know.
Why did you lie?
That says $18.
Yeah, he's a liar, dude.
You're a little bad boy liar.
All right, so stay on the photo, stay on the photo.
So what I like to do is, because,
what am I good at, dude?
What are you good at?
Yeah, yeah.
When it comes to the environment. You're good at then? What are you good at? Yeah, yeah. When it comes to the environment.
You're good at giving back.
No, no, come on.
What do I do?
Because that goes right into the toilet or the trash can.
You're giving back.
No, that's not what I mean.
What do you do?
What do I do?
I'm a conversational, I'm not a conservationist.
You're a conservationist?
Yes, that's right.
You're a constipationist.
Yeah, I'm a constipationist.
Your IBS has got you.
I'm very mindful about the environment. Are you seriously? No, you don't. You're a constipationist. Yeah, I'm a constipationist. Your IBS has got you. I'm very mindful about the environment.
Are you seriously? No, you don't.
You're not.
You don't even use your recycle.
Do I have two trash cans in my fucking thing?
Yeah, and you use the recycle as trash.
Stop, because I don't know the difference.
That's the only problem.
Well, let's learn, because I actually don't fucking know.
Can I be honest?
We throw so much stuff.
Thank you so much, but can I get to this first
and then we'll get to that?
Please.
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, it's your show.
It's both of our shows, actually.
But your show now.
Okay, so that's not what I'm at.
I think it's done beneficial things to your life,
this podcast.
Big time.
Your confidence has grown.
Big time.
Your social status, your Instagram account.
Your communication skills.
Look at mine's not even that good right now.
You're still in this country.
You're still in this country.
Because of us.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you wanna stay in the country?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
I get a call today, disturbing.
Yeah, bad.
Frightening.
Mm-hmm.
No, let me, I'm not done, okay.
It felt like, do you remember when in The Exorcist, right?
The mother.
Remember the mother?
Please, yeah.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
Go, go, go.
What do you mean?
Well, yes, I remember the mother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.
Yeah.
And she, the father, what's the father's name?
Bork.
Father Bork? Father Bork. Yeah, yeah, yeah. the father's name? Bork. Father Bork?
Father Bork.
Yeah, yeah.
What is his name?
Paris.
This is a terrible analogy.
Let's just, let's.
Damien, Father Damien Derrick.
Yeah, she goes to, the analogy doesn't make any sense.
But you gotta get there if you're gonna go there.
Should I go, should I try to finish anyway?
I'll try to finish anyway.
You already started.
Right, so when she comes up to him and says,
I think my daughter, you know what I mean,
needs an exorcism.
And his face was like, either like,
I've never done that before.
Also, this is gonna be super scary.
But there's all these emotions.
This is terrible analogy.
I can tell.
I'm gonna find it with you.
I'm gonna find it with you.
Just keep going.
I'm done though.
Oh, that's it.
Did you find it yet? Oh it. Did you find it yet?
Oh no.
Did you find it yet?
Okay, how about this?
Yeah, yeah, find it now.
You're Father Dermis.
Yeah, yeah.
And every single day you deal with a little devil woman.
That's what I meant to say.
And you want her to exude her evil.
That's what I wanted to say.
And start doing good.
Right.
I'm so good.
What I'm saying to you is, is that
you're embarrassed about being on the show.
No.
A little bit.
Are you really?
No.
Do you have two Instagrams?
I have three.
Jesus.
You're embarrassed about being on the show.
No, I'm not.
I'm just shy.
No, you're not.
I'm just shy.
No, you're not.
You're a little shy guy?
You're not a shy guy. No, you're not. I don't know, No you're not. You're a little shy guy? You're not a shy guy.
Yeah. No you're not. I don't know it's just overwhelming. There's just so many people. Oh you've been overwhelmed? Yeah.
I do things for your family. That you have no idea. You have no idea dude. The sacrifices I make. What do you do?
Whoa.
Do you okay honestly
Oh, wow. Wow.
Wow.
Do you, okay, honestly, I'll, I'll, I'll,
You're on one today.
Oh, you're on one today, dude.
Okay, so what do I do?
Interesting.
What do I do?
Let me see.
That makes me sick.
Yeah, let me see.
You do the dogs.
You do a lot of them.
Oh.
Young lady.
Young lady.
Young lady.
Young lady.
Okay, but I cleaned your house.
Barely.
Now let's learn what recycling is. really want to fucking know I'm serious
I want to know too that kind of bugged me out
I have no idea what goes in the recite well before we even look it up
Let's see gas cuz I want to ask you something. I'm being real. Okay. All right, so
There's the blue one yeah the blue bin and that's the recycled correct
Then there's the black and dude guys. Am I not?
Black bin, what is not? You got it?
Black bin, what is that for?
Garbage.
Green one.
Tree, like tree kind of, right?
Like leaves and stuff, okay?
Don't try to trick me with fucking garbage, okay?
I was born there.
Why does the garbage can have to be the black one?
I know.
In this day and age.
In this day and age.
They couldn't paint it any other color?
Yeah.
Yellow would be more appropriate.
No, not yellow. That's trash
Yellow seems like yuck trash gross bad red too though
Yeah, red seems like fire. Well, first of all, there are red bins in the forest for hot coals and stuff like that
Yeah, that's not good. Look at that. There you go. So let me oh, yeah, what is a red bin in a hospital is that for?
Yeah, there you go. All right, so let me, all right, so.
Oh yeah, what is a red bin in a hospital?
Is that for?
It's like hazardous.
Hazardous materials, thanks.
Oh yeah.
I'm hazardous.
Like blood clots and stuff.
Well, blood.
Yeah.
Just blood in general.
Let me talk to you.
Okay.
All right, so in the blue one, I put plastics, glass.
How much glass are you throwing away?
A lot.
Why do you have a lot of glass?
Oh, from your chili jars?
Keep those jars.
Oh no, that's the one thing.
She threw away the lids.
That's what I was mad about.
Because I use them for my kachava.
We'll talk about it later.
We remember.
Okay.
Okay.
So.
You throw away plastic and glass.
Glass, and that's it, right?
Paper products.
Like so paper, like paper towels you throw in the, recycled?
Yeah.
No.
Yes, you do.
Paper towels?
Yes, any paper product can go in there.
Paper cups.
Unless it's soiled, meaning like if it has poop on it or food on it.
Oh, so-
But if it's just paper towel that you've dried your hands with or something, yeah.
Really?
100%.
Okay.
Go in there, look right here, recycle in the blue bin,
go up, zoom in, recycle these items in the blue bin.
Computer paper, ledger paper, arts and crafts paper,
unwanted mail, flyers, telephone books,
note cards, newspaper, magazines, file folders,
paper bags, post-it notes, catalogs, envelopes,
including window envelopes, cardboard of all kinds,
cartons of all kinds, fruit juice, wine, cereal,
heavy cream-
Metals.
Metals.
Oh yeah, I do soda cans.
Soda juice, veggie cans.
Right, right.
Glass, there you go, Bobby.
Yeah.
Look at it, it even says soda, wine,
and it says chili jars.
Chili jars.
Yeah, and plastics of all kinds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And everything else goes in-
You have one beam per category cat slow it down, dude
Did you do you move back to Spain in your mind? Did you have a stroke? What happened one bad bad bad?
But what's going on dude?
Blue bin blue bin and then the green bin is all the yard waste. Yeah, so they call it
You know the reason why I'm not gonna do your movie
I'll tell you what the reason I got a whole fucking I mean you but the number one thing is the number thing is
How long do notes take?
Forever you take a take right he comes from behind video village
Bobby I can you do we smart about Scott?
I thought he I mean it's like imagine how bad it's gonna be when you go over to Spain
He's gonna have a thicker accent. Oh my god with his boys back home you're oh dude if you change he will do you change when you're there?
My me hombres. Hey, it's fancy. Yeah, do they call you fancy back home? No, they should what's fancy in Spanish?
Pico Pico you are a fucking is that in Brazil?
Where is that?
Harmonized club it is this what it's like in Spain. Yeah that I like so what does that say Vito?
Let me guess Vito Vito is the plants and stuff glass glass
And let me guess metal guess metal is is paper
Yeah, last equal last equal papel papel and what's the white no whites?
No, no exactly like food. whites. No, no, exactly.
Like food.
No, yeah, no.
Food and stuff, yeah, okay.
What is that word?
Recavalia?
No recyclable.
No recyclable.
Interesting.
Very good.
Well, now we learned because I throw shit all over the place.
But you know what's so funny?
I learned on that Penn and Teller show bullshit,
it all gets put to the same place.
It doesn't matter.
Right. Right.
Interesting.
And I wanna say something.
What?
If you're listening to this podcast
and you'd pick up the trash in my neighborhood.
I love these announcements.
Neighborhood watch here.
This guy that picks up our fucking can.
Here we go.
The arm, you know the arm of the thing.
Woo, and then, and then woo. Here we go. The arm, you are, cut it out.
Cause it broke the top in, I had to get a fucking new one.
You can't blame.
Oh, he's at the controls.
No, it's not controls, dude.
It's the mechanic back at the fucking trash place.
What?
What?
Where the, the, the,
Programmer.
Not that, it's not a programmer.
It's not a robot.
No, he uses fucking joysticks. I'm just saying the mechanics of the fucking the it's off.
It's the same truck.
You're gonna oil it up or something, dude.
It's not a fucking Android.
That's what I was fucking referring to.
It's the same programmer.
What the fuck you talking about, dude?
This is not fucking Wally.
We've programmed the truck.
Yeah, yeah.
No, it's the same kind of truck.
It's just his arms.
So what you're saying is that he has two modes.
Softly release or chuck.
Okay, look.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What the fuck you're talking about?
I stare out the window with my coffee.
I watch him do it.
The one guy knows how to do the lever, so it,
woo-doo, it drops it.
I know, I know.
This guy, before it gets to the ground, he lets it go.
Wait, let me ask you this.
Look at the fucking lever.
Okay, is it the same lever,
is it the same lever that does your regular trash?
It's the same thing.
Your plastic.
So basically-
But the recycling truck does it nicely.
All right, so, oh, it's not on the same truck then?
Buddy, have you ever seen a truck?
No.
Have you never seen your trash get picked up?
No, never, not once.
Different trucks.
Oh, I thought they're the same truck.
Oh, they're my bad.
Yeah, what the fuck? I thought they're the same truck. Oh, they're my bad
I thought he was saying that there was two guys
Two guys in one truck, right? It's your turn buddy you've had he goes watch this chuckin shit Have you never shot?
You're telling me it's like we watch it. Let the other guy do it. What what you've never watched the I've never even heard it
He doesn't even return his bins back to the house.
Yeah, somebody does it for me.
I know, who does it for me?
The, your gardener.
My gardener does it.
That's how we do it.
Raul.
Raul?
Hey, see you later.
Gracias.
See you later.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, yeah, so that's what I thought.
So I get what you're saying.
Yeah, he throws it.
Yeah, we're gonna have to make a call.
I don't know what's going on, why he does that.
And he doesn't just do it to me,
cause I thought, does this guy fucking not like me?
Every house, he hucks it.
It might be kind of fun for him to do.
I mean, it's just like a, remember at the park
when you're a kid in the fucking Sand Digger thing?
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't know what that is?
No.
Playground, well, what do they have there?
In the Philippines.
Do you not have a playground in the Philippines?
Only like rich areas.
But it's just rich air playgrounds are like in all neighborhoods.
There's just a place to.
No, that's not.
That's a Filipino playground.
Look how beautiful that looks great.
That's a rich. So that's a.
Is that a rich playground?
Not really. They're not wearing shoes.
We didn't have any of that.
You didn't have a playground. Look at that, that's an old tire.
Yeah, the tires.
The playground that we go to is near the cemetery.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Is it a part of the cemetery?
Yeah.
The caves.
Yeah.
If you find a bone, you can play with it.
Let's play hide and go bone.
Hey, that's my uncle.
Put that on my uncle.
You can't find me.
You can't find me.
Yeah.
All right.
They play tag with someone's arm.
Hey, I moved and I'm moving yet again.
And the worst part about moving Bobby Lee is that you got your back. What? Hurt your back. Well, yeah, it hurts'm moving yet again. And the worst part about moving, Bobby Lee, is that you got to get-
Hurt your back.
What?
Hurt your back.
Well, yeah, it hurts my back.
Yeah.
And I got to get it fixed, and where do I go?
Well, you want my recommendation?
Yeah.
Well, what normal, like bright people do, they go to ZocDoc.
They go to ZocDoc.
And I'll tell you why.
Why?
Because let me say something. When you, when you, right, want to go to a restaurant, you'll
go to an app.
Sure. And go, what's the best restaurant?
Why wouldn't you do that for your health?
You should.
So ZocDoc has all the great physicians on it.
ZocDoc is the place where you can find and book doctors who will make you feel comfortable
and actually listen to you.
Okay, we're not talking about a few.
We're talking about tens of thousands of doctors.
Shoulder problem.
Shoulder problem?
Back problem. We got you covered. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network
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Do they yeah, of course. Yeah, I can let me ask you a question
Yeah, they take insurance and stuff
They sure do bud good and the typical wait time to see a doctor booked on Zoc Doc is between what Bob bingo
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Right, right.
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So that's interesting.
That's insane.
But you're probably not at night though.
It's probably scary.
No, not at night.
Yeah, that's why I remembered.
What is the Filipino association with the afterlife?
And I mean this because you know how like, so in Latin culture, it's a celebration of life.
Here, it's like, ooh, scary bullshit.
Is it the same there?
It's worse.
We kind of have this term as Dia de los Muertos.
It's called Cala Cala.
Cala Cala.
Spirit Spirit.
And it's kind of the same.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Can I just, why can't you just be Cala?
Why do you say it twice?
I don't know
Listen spirit spirit. That's why that's how they would say. Oh spirit spirit. Yeah, that's like a frog sing spirit. It's better
Kala Kala is spirit spirit. That's kind of what that's the same as Diaz de las Huertas or whatever
And we go to the cemetery and we bring food for the dead
But if I said calla, right you wouldn't know what I was saying?
I'd say it twice?
No, it's not the same.
Wait a minute, you bring food for the dead?
Didn't you guys not have a lot of food as kids?
So you'd sacrifice food for the dead?
Yeah, but we also eat it.
It's like we wait and pray and then we eat it.
Oh, to guarantee.
That's guaranteed.
OK, he's not going to eat it.
Yeah, yeah.
You put it on the gravestone and then wait five minutes and then eat it.
Basically you're having just dinner at the graveyard.
Yeah.
Dinner at the graveyard.
Yeah, and there's always drinking and then, yeah, it's fun.
Do you guys throw parties like that in Spain?
No, you don't do that.
You do the masks and stuff.
That's Mexican culture.
Oh, my God.
What do the Spanish do? They don't do anything. You guys are not fun, dude. It's Mexican culture. Oh my god. What do the Spanish do? They don't do
anything. You guys are not fun dude. It's not fun. It's not what is with Spain being so. People go
to the cemetery they clean their the graves they. That might be the saddest thing. There was a video
on fucking TikTok the other day of a guy cleaning graves. Yeah. He was cleaning people's graves. No
during the middle of the day like cleaning. Oh. Like to be nice and then a little kid walks up.
I mean dude I almost started crying.
It's in the video, they're videotaping him cleaning.
And a little kid walks up and goes,
"'Hi, Mom.'"
To one of the graves.
And I was like, oh my God.
It shattered my fucking soul.
And the guy cleans graves like this.
There was a guy that goes around,
I don't know where it was, but he's all over TikTok.
He just cleans graves because they're dirty.
He wants them to look nice.
I saw a TikTok, all right,
of a father giving his son a teddy bear,
like for his birthday or whatever.
Yeah.
And his mom had just died like six months before, right?
And so, you know, this kid's like, teddy bear, right?
Oh, I know.
And the, what is it?
It's got her voice in it.
Yeah, and you press it and he goes,
I miss you, Timmy.
Why is that funnymy why is that funny
why is that funny
because it's so cruel to me
you know what I mean
no it's beautiful it's not
it's not it's like let me see it
oh this is yeah this is one yeah one we'll go here Now go ahead and you gotta touch their hands one at a time.
Oh man, that's gonna make me... Why is that funny? You're insane!
It's so cruel!
It's so cruel.
Can you imagine? I'm gonna get Bobby...
I'm gonna get Bobby...
You cried? Yeah. Oh, Rudy. I'm gonna get Bobby. I'm gonna get Bobby you cried
Response cut out my response. No, fuck you. Maybe it's too much. Let's see this Let's see a little bit of comedy just bring us back
Yeah, it's so it's sad right? Yeah, this is a commercial for some cement company
But what we're still doing this hold on Andrew said he wants to see some comedy.
I just want to see a little bit of comedy. Oh, let's do a comedy. All right, all right.
Oh cute.
Ngarjuna. That's insane.
They're saying if they built the Twin Towers,
they would have never fallen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah.
That is so-
I'm sorry for laughing at that video.
No, you're not.
I really am.
Because the first time I saw it, I cried.
If I get you a golf club and it makes a noise
when you swing and it goes, are you gay?
It's just your dad.
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! dad. And I grab him.
Damn, I miss you.
That's really funny.
If you had your dad in something, you would cry.
You would cry, you'd cry.
It depends on what he says.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
If he says something that like I didn't expect,
that was really like sentimental. Then. Yeah, right. That was really sentimental.
Then.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, if we're on the subject of death,
I wanna say something serious for two seconds.
Stay crying.
We had a beautiful show in Long Beach, California.
One of our fans passed away that was on the show with us.
Do you remember this guy?
We brought him on stage.
He passed away, sadly,
but we got some love from his family saying thank you.
We don't know.
We didn't inquire, but we want to give a shout out to Devin's family.
We love you guys.
That's fucking terrible.
I know, but how beautiful his family said.
Why are you showing me this photo?
Is he in there?
Yeah, we're going to show you the video.
Oh, okay.
But his family said that thank you guys for... What did the family say?
Just say it.
I believe it was his girlfriend, and she was just like... She was talking...
Oh, she's single. She was just like that girl in the beanies hot
Carlos that girl the beanie no real quick. Did you hear what Carlos just said just I'm done who's single? Oh
You're a piece of shit, it's so good
You're a fire piece of shit
Wait a week. Okay. Yeah. Oh, it's already been a week. Okay.
Yeah, you're clear.
What's your single then?
She said what?
She was basically just like thanks.
Don't say basically, just say literally.
Thanks for showing him love, like,
you're like a big fan, like thanks.
Thanks for bad friends.
Let me see, let me see.
Let's see, this is our boy Devin.
Huh?
You don't know?
Pick two people, come on buddy, we gotta go.
I just come up on stage, you come up on stage, fuck it.
Okay, yeah. He's picking just come up on stage, you come up on stage, fuck it. Uh, okay, yeah.
He's picking murderers to be on stage. I know, I know.
We're making fun of him.
That's him?
What's your name, dude?
Devin.
Oh, god damn, man.
Yeah.
Monday's got...
I'm Devin.
No laugh.
Devin, where are you from?
I am from La Mirada, California.
Hell yeah, what do you do? What do you do, Dev?
I live.
My answer would be barely, but I do.
Oh.
Let's pause it.
Let's pause it.
You know.
Honestly, dude, let me just say.
In the moment.
No, honestly, dude.
Hold on.
I didn't mean to do anything.
Honestly, that's fucking fucked up.
In the moment.
That's fucking spooky. You're a piece of fucking shit, dude. What a piece of fucking garbage that you fucking fucked up. In the moment. That's fucking spooky fucking.
You're a piece of fucking shit, man.
What a piece of fucking garbage that you murdered that guy.
You have a death touch, yeah.
In the moment, it was very funny.
It got a good laugh.
Can we talk about it?
Of the death that you did?
Sit down.
That got a good laugh.
Pretty good laugh.
He actually was cracking up.
I will say this before we continue.
Everything that we do to our fans is because we love them
and we were having fun with them
and he was having a fucking great time.
Even though-
I don't wanna see the rest.
Oh, you do.
You do.
Let's go.
Where did you get in here?
Did you buy tickets?
My girlfriend brought me.
Did you sneak in here, Kevin?
I probably did.
He lives here, under the board.
You said, I'm here to clean up,
but they told me to come early?
All right, DevDog, we love you, man, and we hope you win,
because I got some gift cards for you.
I need them.
All right.
Bobby.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
Yeah, you fucked up.
We love you.
I'm kidding.
I'm fucking with you guys.
OK, here we go.
What grizzly animal lives in Chicago?
What grizzly creature?
Yes, Devin.
Your mother. Fuck you, Devin, you son of a bitch. Fuck yeah. Yeah. You son of a bitch. grizzly creature yes Devin your mother fuck you
Devin you son of a bitch yeah son of a bitch Devin you son of a bitch
in your face you know what Devin you know what I'd come over there but I don't
want to catch anything Andrew I got a fart oh good thank God all right all Oh, good. Thank God. All right. All right.
Bobby puts that in his face.
Oh, do you? Let's see it.
Fart mic, right?
Maybe that did it.
Oh, no.
Look at his face.
Maybe that did it.
I will say, this guy was a great sport.
He had a lot of fun.
He was rad, and he took a bunch of jokes.
We were making fun of him him and he was having fun.
Like all good Bad Friends fans can take a good fucking joke and he was awesome.
So rest in peace to Devin.
Sorry Devin.
Sorry Devin.
I'm so sorry.
Let's say it again.
No, no, no.
Leave that in because what the fuck.
No, no.
Sorry.
Rest in peace Devin.
What do you have to say with a voice?
Just say rest in peace Devin.
Why are you smiling? Why are you smiling?
Fuck you, dude.
By the way, he would love this.
Yeah, he would love this.
Alright, just relax, okay?
Devin, what's up?
Why'd you laugh?
Why'd you laugh just now, dude?
Why are you laughing?
Because you're double-piecing a guy who passed away.
Like, what the fuck are you laughing? Because you're double piecing a guy who passed away. Like, what the fuck are you doing?
I'm still, I, see here's the thing.
Every funeral I go to, I laugh.
You have to.
Yeah, because I just can't handle it.
It's hard to cry.
It's so painful to me.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, you know what I mean?
Well, we love you Big D.
We love you Big D and rest in peace to his family.
We love you guys too and thank you for being bad friends. Yeah, anyway.
Wow.
Anyway, I just had to tell you.
Should we save that for the end of the show, you know?
Nah.
Not in the middle.
It's important in the middle.
Yeah, yeah.
It's important because it was real.
How many funerals have you been to?
Just one.
Who?
My great grandma.
Your great grandma.
Did you know her well?
Yeah, but she was also crazy and evil.
What do you mean?
Did she curse you?
No, she would just like to steal,
she would do drugs, she hated everyone.
Is it Carlos?
Yeah.
Imagine your great grandmother doing drugs.
It's insane.
Pretty fucking cool.
Like what kind of drugs?
A meth.
Wow. How old is she? I don't know of drugs? Meth. Wow.
How old was she?
I don't know, like 60 something.
Wow.
60?
That's not old.
And she had like a boy toy.
To do meth?
60 to die.
Yeah, but 60 to do meth is crazy.
Your body, I don't know how your body handles that.
Did she die from meth?
I don't know.
It just happened like suddenly.
Did you cry?
Probably from the meth. No? did you probably from the meth?
No me cry a
little bit I
Would I was crying because other people were crying all right does that say in the Philippines you guys have funerals for seven days
Yeah
What?
At the family hold a wake-up prep to seven days in honor of their loved one
Yeah, cuz we think like the soul is still there and it's confused.
Seven days?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait What's confused about what? Like what happened to it like oh am I dead like where am I going it takes seven days to realize that that's what they say
Okay, and then like people go to that place and then they like gamble
On the casket no no no it's just the casket and then outside of the house
You gamble if whether or not he's gonna find his way into the afterlife play games. Oh just for fun
Yeah, gamble, drink.
There's so many relatives that are drunk.
Filipinas believe that the soul of the dead wanders the earth for 40 days after his or
her death.
You think they walk around for 40 fucking days?
Carlos, Carlos, Carlos.
Why the laughter?
It just seems unlikely.
What is that?
Pag-sayam?
It seems unlikely to me.
Is that what it's called?
Pag-sayam? Pag-sayam. seems unlikely to be. Is that what it's called? Psy-yum?
Psy-yum?
Psy-yum.
Psy-yum.
They pray for nine days.
So you do believe people are just chilling for 40 days.
This is funny though, to be honest,
of all people that would die
and need to take time to get to the afterlife,
it's Y-O-U.
Who?
You think you're gonna fucking take a direct flight
to the afterlife, you're gonna take your time.
When you die, you probably need seven days to get there.
First of all, on the first day of your death.
Yeah, but it's not out of confusion.
No, Confucius say.
No, no, no, what I'm saying is that-
You're gonna take seven days.
I'll take seven days, don't get me,
don't you're gonna get me angry today.
Pfft, to you.
Don't.
Let me, fuck you.
Okay.
Or let me say something.
What's this painting? That's the
painting of this whole situation. That's a situation. Okay. What's up with their chicks
big tits? Yeah. Do you get to suck her tits in the afterlife? Is that what that is? No, but the
seven days I'll purposely wander around, right? Just to see what's going on, how people are
reacting and stuff. You want to know what people are saying about you. Well, rest in peace to our-
Rest in peace.
Anyway, rest in peace for that,
and let's move on from this.
Let's move forward.
Positive, positive.
Well, she started it with all this Filipino nonsense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Filipino nonsense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's this, you good?
I'm good.
Are you biting your nails again?
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
You gotta cut it out.
You know there's poop under your nails?
Oh, I clean my hands.
I'm not like
Okay, dude, are you watching shogun?
No, but i'm watching. Tell me dairy girls. Oh so good. You're pointing at me when you do that
Were you pointing at me? What is dairy girls? It's such a comedy, right? It's it's so fucking funny irish and i've been trying to do their
Accent, let's hear you do their accent, this is great. Okay.
I'm sorry, Claire.
I'm just not that into you.
Not interested in me?
Look at the state of me.
That's pretty good.
That's fucking good, dude.
Almost just sounds like a white person, but it's good.
Sorry, Claire.
Sorry, Claire.
Not India.
Not India.
Not India. Sorry, Claire. Not India. Not India. Not India. Sorry Claire.
Not India.
Daddy girls.
Daddy girls.
Dude, they're so fucking funny.
Have you seen the show?
No, I've heard of it though.
So good.
It's good.
They're fantastic.
You love it?
How many seasons is it?
It's three.
Three or four, right?
Three.
Three, and it's over.
Fallout, no?
Okay, you don't know?
But it's so good.
Okay.
Our good friend Johnny Pemberton's in Fallout.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
Very good.
I haven't seen it.
It's based on the video game, yeah?
Yeah, it's my favorite video game.
Anyway, that's not how much I know anymore.
What?
Why can't I get into stuff like that?
What?
I like preemptively because it's a video game.
I'm like, I don't know.
You know, it's funny.
People have seen it that didn't even know it was a video game.
Yeah, that's what I've heard, that people like it anyway.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you do play the video game, you literally go...
After like three scenes, you go, oh yeah, they have it right.
They got it.
And it's one of those games where when I was playing it back in the day,
I'd be like, there's no way they'll do a show on this. It's too hard.
And they did it, you know?
Well, they also made Grand Theft Auto.
A movie?
Really?
It happens every day, I leave my fucking house.
What do you mean?
Dude, honestly, I was driving today
under one of the bridges
and they were five city trucks, five city trucks.
Two cops, one guy to spray off the piss and shit off the sidewalk.
One guy to collect his tents and all that stuff.
And it's one dude.
And it's five city trucks to move one guy from out from under a bridge.
I'm like, this is Grand Theft Auto.
We live in fucking Grand Theft Auto.
Like a movie.
It is like a bad movie.
I saw a man-
This city is fucking-
It's so fucked.
Awful.
I saw a man, he was on some sort of drugs, right?
And he was like half naked.
Traffic, like Western, what's so funny?
Nothing.
Like Western and Olympic-y, right?
Yeah.
And he fell on his ass 42 times.
42 times.
Yeah, I counted.
And the light wasn't that long.
We go one, two, three, I was with my friend Haley.
Four, five, he kept falling
and we just started beckoning laughing.
But then he was in traffic, like cars whizzing by him
and he's falling on his ass.
Wait, he's in the middle of the road?
Oh yeah.
Well, you didn't go help him?
What am I gonna do?
Well, I don't know, shuffle him along or something?
Yeah, yeah.
So I, it was, but then sadness occurred.
I'm like, oh, this is, you know what's so funny?
You look around and things you shouldn't accept, you accept.
Like, like homelessness? Not just homelessness, things that you see,
like a syringe next to a baby shoe.
Like why are these two together in the middle of the street?
You know what I mean?
Things that you shouldn't,
and you just kinda walk by them.
It is what it is.
Yeah, you see a naked dude,
hey man, sucka sucka sucka, you know?
And you're like, and you try to walk around them,
and like, have a good day, sir.
It's like, these are things in society
we shouldn't accept, we should help.
Sometimes it brings you joy.
What do you mean, sucka sucka?
Hey man.
I was at Fairfax, you know, where all the stores are
by Supreme and all that shit.
I was waiting at that light by Cantor's.
I'm not kidding.
I was having kind of a shitty day.
Yeah.
I'm sitting.
I just look over to my left just to glance, and there's the bus stop there.
And there's a woman with her pants on her ankles taking a shit on the bus bench.
Yeah.
And a guy is sitting there on the bus bench as she... He's just sitting there.
Yeah, yeah.
And she's pooping on the bench right next to him.
He doesn't even glance over.
He just lets her shit right at the bus bench.
I was dying laughing.
It made my day.
It was fucking hilarious.
It's not okay.
It's not okay.
I feel bad, but it was very funny to watch someone
just poop on a bench with a guy sitting there.
That guy's just trying to go to work.
And she's just shitting right on the bus bench.
It was so fucking funny.
I was like, this is insane.
This city is fucking terrible.
Why do we live here?
By the way, I just want to say,
we can't reveal what happened at Family Feud.
Oh, can we talk about it?
So I don't know about you guys,
but I was nervous.
Yeah, I was so anxious.
I was so anxious because I'm wearing a suit, and we're driving up there. You looked good. Yeah, thank you so anxious. I was so anxious because like I'm wearing a suit.
We're driving up there.
You looked good.
Yeah, thank you, you did too.
We look great.
We were sharp as a cat.
We show up at the place
and then once you go into the studio,
you're like, there it is.
It's real.
It's real.
Flavio Flav had all 55 of his family members there.
We had no entourage.
Yeah.
What's that? What's that fucking face? You could have had one entourage. Yeah. What's that? What's that fucking face?
You could have had one entourage.
Didn't want you.
Didn't want you there.
Sorry?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
If we were going to have somebody else there, Rudy was invited.
No, you didn't.
Yes, you were invited not to be on the show.
You fucking liar.
We invited you to the show, not to be on the show,
but you were invited to come and have,
yes, you fucking were.
Yes, you were.
No one told me.
Well, that's your fault.
Anyway, my team was-
Get told.
My team was me, Andrew, this is the order,
Kalyla, Esther, and my friend Gene.
Love Gene Hong the best.
Gene and Esther should have switched.
Yeah.
Flavor Flav came in swinging.
You don't know who that is.
Is Steve Harvey's teeth really white?
I'm glad you're back on the show.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Is his teeth really white?
Yeah, that's what they say.
Every time he came up and said something to me,
so sweet and nice, I couldn't help but think about
Cat Williams' interview, talking shit about him.
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
Crazy.
It was like running through my mind,
that that guy has that much weight now.
We had a great time.
It was a wonderful experience.
It was.
Yeah, yeah.
And... And I'd love to go back and do it experience. It was. Yeah, yeah. And, um.
And I'd love to go back and do it again.
If, if you, your family ever does it.
If my family ever does it, you'll be on it, of course.
And you will not.
Yeah.
But you'll be invited.
Mm-hmm, that's fine.
We don't need that.
But, as we're leaving.
as we're leaving
My god today, I just want to finish this well finish it
You're allowed to take a break. I just feel pressured up there is no
Do I this is chewy skittles man these are really good though. Where are these from Japan? It's a
gas station
Yeah, but the nice one but
It's one of those family is one of those things where you watch it on YouTube and
You never in your wildest dreams with thing that you would ever be on it, right?
You don't know what you know him and are kind of crazy. You know, I mean, you know idiots we're idiots You you know, him and I were kind of crazy, you know what I mean? Idiots.
We're idiots.
You know, they used to have like, you know, respectable families on there, you know what
I mean?
Well, who was before us?
Ken Marino and the Osmonds.
Yeah.
Donnie Osmond and his whole family.
And then us.
Yeah, they're really scraping at the bottom, right?
That's why we're getting asked.
Yeah, but it was like.
It was fun though.
It was fun though.
It was like, and we were leaving, I was just like,
wow, we just did that.
That was incredible.
Well, I'll tell you, I have something to report to you.
What is it?
Everybody knows that we've been talking
about playing in Abu Dhabi.
We're excited to go there.
We got a list from the promoter.
We are not allowed.
I knew this was gonna happen, we can't do it then.
No, no, we have, we just absolutely,
undoubtedly no nudity.
Like literally not, you can't, like not, I mean like.
It's different punishment there.
Okay, okay, I can abide by that.
I know you can.
But I'm letting you know.
That's not insane.
This is a no joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, we can say what we want on stage.
It's so weird, though.
No nudity.
Yeah, it's so weird.
Not really.
Really?
Because people don't want butthole stuff all the time.
Yeah, but sometimes.
We do.
Everyone wants butthole stuff some of the times.
Raise your hand in this room if you want butthole stuff all the time.
No, some of the times.
Some of the times.
Okay.
All the time.
All the time, too.
They get McCone.
McCone, yeah, he does too.
All right, so they said the list-
They said the list that-
What else?
Oh, it says, it says, it says-
Okay.
It says, like, under no circumstances will any of this be violated or we will be, it'll
be terminated, right?
So then we'll lose out on the contract.
Public nudity is against the law
and there are also signs in malls, shopping center,
advocates, modest clothing.
So this says, check this out.
Some of these are so easy.
No consumption of alcoholic beverages.
I mean, I said it.
While in public, this is interesting,
live streaming through professional platforms
without a permit, meaning doing like TikTok live or Instagram live is illegal.
Permits are obtained easily.
If if we want to request to get a permit to film in public.
But if you if you're caught filming in public, highly illegal without without permit.
OK, this one's going to be tough for you and I.
Making rude gestures in public is not permitted.
It's going to be tough. What do you mean rude gestures?
Well, you know, you know, in public, outside in public is not permitted. It's going to be tough. What do you mean, rude gestures? Well, you know, you know, in public.
I think outside in public, like on stage,
out in public, outside stages.
That's a so I can show butthole on stage.
No. What the fuck did you hear?
You said, OK, I don't know.
No. So but in all nowhere, nowhere.
How about in my hotel room?
If I'm in there, yes.
OK. Making rude gesture in public, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Right? Sober. Smoking is absolutely not permitted on stage. Okay.
In the venue.
Never did, I've never done that.
And on stage of no kind, no form, nudity at all.
Yeah, yeah, you just said that.
That's what it says multiple times.
Okay, okay, multiple times.
So they just wanna make sure that we know.
Okay.
But, because I remember the first time I went,
I went there many, many years ago with Eric Griffin
and Sebastian Maniscalco.
Yeah.
And the list was no talking of religion.
Yeah, no talking about sexual of any nature.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I was like, literally going,
crossing out, like blacking out 90% of my act.
I'm like, I was supposed to feature?
And I go, guys, I looked at both of those guys and I go,
Good luck. I'm hosting. Because then I go guys I looked at both of those guys I go good luck I'm hosting
Because then I can like kill time by crowd work and stuff like that
But we can be fined up to fifty thousand dollars for what for nudity? I'm not gonna do it
Why do you keep saying it because I want to really lay it on yeah? Yeah
Because I'll tell you what you did the other night, dude. What did I do? We did a live show and you go show them
You do not do that?
Inside it was also.
No, on stage, it was in, not Niagara Falls, but only.
In Windsor?
Windsor.
Yeah, but Windsor, it's fine.
Right, but if you said it was fine.
I know my point though being is if you say in Abu Dhabi,
Yeah.
Show it or or wink,
or any of that nature, I will do it.
Well, it's good to know I got that power.
Okay.
I got that power.
Don't do it.
Power that butthole, baby.
I promise I won't.
I don't wanna get, can you imagine?
That's a movie in the making.
We go to Abu Dhabi, you show your butthole,
and we're in prison.
That's a 17 hour flight?
18 fucking hours, we're gonna take it over there.
Does it stop anywhere? That's direct. direct that's direct we're not doing direct no it there's I
think it's got total flight from LAX to DX be a 17 hours 11 minutes Wow and then
and then we turn around and come right back home the next day no we're supposed
to like do some stuff let's do some stuff. Are you all gonna do that? I think so. I've never seen a camel. I don't think i'll close
I've always seen a camel toe
You've never seen a camel up at all. No, and i'll tell you the animals i've never seen
camel, yeah
Kangaroo
Wombat well, you're gonna see all that when we go to Australia. Yeah, so I'm gonna see no those
Although I don't think I've ever has mania and devil never seen it. There's a lot honey badger. There's a lot a alligator
I just realized you've never seen anything really yeah, what is that a fennel fox animals in the UAE?
Those are cute fennel foxes can we take one of those back dude look cute? They are well
They freak out if we bring one home
Yeah It's so cute. They're so they freak out if we bring one home?
Yeah.
They're so cute.
They're so cute.
Now what the fuck is that?
It's bison or something.
No, that looks like an antelope.
Oh.
Bison.
I don't know what bison looks like.
Give me another photo.
Give me another photo.
There we go.
Zoom in on that.
Let me guess.
To the right is a pelican.
Flamingo.
Okay.
Monkey.
Yes.
Lion, and that's a giraffe, right?
A giraffe. A giraffe.
Yeah, yeah.
A giraffe.
Yeah. Have you seen a giraffe?
Yeah.
What kind of weird animals are in the Philippines
that we'll never see?
Well, those bats we saw.
We already talked about those bats.
Whoa. Whoa. What is that? It's a hawk. Well those bats we saw we already talked about those bats Whoa
What is that? It's a hawk. No
There we go, yeah, yeah, what is that?
That's that's three in the morning Greg that's good
Just thinking the exact same thing. That's goop.
Yeah, yeah.
That's 100% goop.
Yeah.
Armadillo.
Okay.
All right, forget this.
What the fuck?
Let's regroup.
What is going on in your life, Rudy?
I've been reading fairy smuts.
And it's like- What do you mean man? It's like a
And I'm just reading it because there's so many hot spicy things to read
like fucking and
Like you're reading fairy fucking
fairies with like the
Ears that are long and they're like magical like people
Yeah, fairies are pretty mythological
It's pretty magical. Yeah, but they're even like more magical and they're like so hot. Can you do okay?
Wait wait stop the fuck not the titties on that fucking fairy is so good. Wait a minute. You're looking at fairy porno, basically
It's fairy porn
Yeah, well, how do I find it?
It's a it's a novel. Can you do a court of mist and fury?
Rice and yeah
Resan okay that guy. Okay zoom into that photo
Okay, so they have wings.'re called back zoom in more sorry I
don't see wings bud those three guys the ears on the bottom the three in the
bottom let's go to the bottom they have those are fairies look at the ears are
they L they turned they turned into are they transition? Yeah. Oh this is progressive. It's progressive. But the boys...
Are girls? Boys. But they are girls when they transition? No.
But the boys, they say... Are you saying the boys? Boys! The boys. The boys. The men. Yeah.
Are they under 18? No. They call men they call men then but they're called bad boys
Okay, I'm a bad boy. Yeah, and they say but the bad boy, but but but but but but boy
It's just so hard. I'm a little bad boy. But boy, I'm a bad bad bad bad boy
They're about boys come have sex with me. I'm a bad boy. They do they have butt sex
Not in the book. Okay, so you're reading these erotic novels,
but they're all based on fairy fucking.
Yeah. Wow.
Is it romantic?
Do they go to high school?
They're like buildings?
Yeah, it's romantic.
It's like serious,
but I just like it because of the sex part.
Wow.
It's so hot.
I just.
It's so gross.
And then when they fuck,
they say if you touch their wings they like orgasm fast
If you play with their wings, that's how they imagine this imagine this imagine this right you're down there, right?
This isn't working
Oh
Is that what you mean you touch their wing why just go for the wings in the beginning Yeah, why don't you go right for that well for play? Oh for play?
Right play is just regular sex then you stroke the wings that's and if you have longer wings that means you have
Oh, so the black ones have the longer ones
Is there any little Asian little Asian fair wingsings? They probably can't even fly.
But I want to be in that world.
That's who you want to be.
You want to be in a fantasy world.
Don't turn into one of these people that dynamically changes their... Are you going to do a plastic
surgery to become a fairy?
Or cosplay it.
No, no, no.
Do you cosplay it?
No, that's cringe.
Okay.
Oh, that's cringe.
That's cringe.
But this isn't cringe though.
Touch my wings, touch my wings.
Is that what you say?
I don't know if the author had that in mind
with that voice, but.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what's going on.
Touch my wings.
That's my wings.
You gotta touch my wings.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
Are there other creatures in that world?
There's different creatures, like...
Name me one.
Like sirens?
There's sirens, but they're ugly.
Sirens are... The sirens are ugly.
Yeah.
There's gargoyles.
There's different kinds.
There's even, like, the half-horse, half-schm...
Centaur.
Centaur.
There's different kinds.
But I like the Bat Boys because they're the hottest.
The Court of Mist and Fury.
It's a series.
Can you imagine how much money these people make writing this shit?
And then the movie rights.
Is it good enough to be in the movie?
No.
I don't think so.
It's not going to be good if it's a person playing it.
This is Election Night in Seoul, Korea?
Yeah. I always stay up for these
what I love I'm very interested this is their coverage yeah there we are
wait where's the volume where's the volume
It's all AI generated. Whoa.
So they're having fun with it.
It's like Tekken.
Yeah, this is like Tekken.
Fight!
There's Mission Impossible, the last one.
Yeah, Mission Impossible.
Boom.
So one guy's winning 62% to 38%.
He's fucking smoking them.
Smoking them.
Whoa.
I will change the roads. I will change a bulletproof vest for police. And we both are going to fight.
This is the Mission Impossible because the train and everything, that's so funny.
Yeah.
See, they know how to do it fun.
That's fun.
How come we can't do it fun? Could we take ourselves serious? Is that what it is?
Yeah.
Why don't we do it here? Like British Parliament, how come we don't do
that kind of shit?
Where it's all wacky and they yell at each other?
And a lot of these European countries now,
they don't have the death penalty.
I didn't realize that.
We should still have the death penalty.
I don't think so.
You don't think so at all?
I don't think eye for an eye is the thing, do you think?
I think it's cruel.
Not even if it's a mass shooter. Oh, yeah, yeah that for sure
So what are you talking about exactly? I just changed my mind. That's why I wouldn't be a good politician
Well, no, that's why I would change so quickly. I just think I stand for you know, I mean strict borders and somebody yellow
Yeah, I stand for strict borders and heavy building a wall
Heckles who's gonna build the wall, dude?
You're right about that.
No wall.
That's a great politician.
What?
That's a great politician.
That is actually what they're good at.
Capital punishment has been completely abolished
in all European countries, except for Belarus and Russia.
Shout out to fucking Belarus and Russia.
The latter of which has a moratorium
and has not carried out an execution since September 1996.
If you do heinous, crazy shit,
I think we gotta get you out of here.
But there are some people that are, you know what I mean,
falsely accused of a crime and they're in death row.
Okay, how about this?
If you're not falsely accused, if you're the one that's like,
yeah, I went to that thing and shot all those people,
it's like, well, then we're gonna get you.
Hmm.
But isn't it more punishment being in a cell
your whole life
Here's the debate we pay for it as taxpayers So you're like do you want to just pay for them or do you want to just get rid of them because he's killed so
Many people okay, I'll propose something else there you go man propose something else totally okay do quickly
Mm-hmm as soon the next day
You're so cuz right there's like thousands of people still on death row right because we're we're paying all the tax. Right. It's just, no, but you should torture
them. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A week of torture. A month. Yeah. Or the seven days that you're,
you know, supposed to be gone. The seven days in the Filipino law. Yeah. Yeah. So look at that.
24, 2,500 people are still on death row. They're just chilling. They're chilling. It's not going
to happen for most of them. What kind of torture would you think should happen? You know, the
one they did in Game of Thrones where they put a mouse. They just put a mouse on the
belly. That is so disgusting. So choose through a mouse rats that you chew through the Adam
abdomen. Yeah. Okay. You got there. I got there, yeah. That would be unbelievably bad to me.
A rat chewing through your stomach isn't that bad.
How about this one?
How about we put you down at the bottom of a well
and we just lower a little bit of water down there every day?
Just a little bit of water every day.
What does that do?
It keeps you alive, you just drink,
because you're gonna go nuts.
Oh, down the well?
Yeah, you're gonna go crazy.
How long can you live with just water?
A while.
A pretty long time.
Yeah, yeah.
Until, how long can you live on just water?
I gotta tell, it is longer, it's a long time,
but it's not two to three months.
It's pretty good though.
Two to three months.
But think about that, that's a slow-
Can you eat your fingernails?
You can eat your whole body if you wanted to.
Yeah, or if that well of other people have used it,
because I thought about this during,
like in Silence of the Lambs.
You know how that late.
Such a good movie.
Great movie.
Remember when she looked at the walls and there were nails?
I would eat those.
A metal, what is that?
How painful, the brazen bull.
Oh right, the slow and truly agonizing death
the person side.
The device was engineered to convert the screams of suffering victims into sounds that were eerily similar to the bellowing brazen bull. Oh right, to slow and truly agonize and death the person's side. The device was engineered to convert the screams
of suffering victims into sounds that were eerily similar
to the bellowing of a bull.
So you're stuck inside the bellowing bull.
How about this?
Brazen bull, that's what it's called.
You take a man, a man who's like completely like,
like, you know, an alpha male, right?
He's, oh, that's crazy.
That's how Jesus died?
They cooked him inside of a bowl?
And they organized the horns,
they just,
Pfft, pfft, pfft.
Wow.
Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft.
That's how they know dinner's served?
What about for men?
Cut off their penis, cut off their penis.
No, you just, they just get like fisted.
I'm gonna take, no, I'm gonna take you further.
You get a surgeon, you take a man,
you give him all female parts, right?
And then you have, you charge a cover.
Oh wow, yeah.
You know what I mean?
You can make some money.
This is pretty expensive.
No, because you're gonna make it back.
You transition somebody? Yeah, but you're going to make it back.
You transition somebody?
Yeah, but you're going to make the money back by the cover.
What are you charging?
How much?
What?
$500.
Come on, you've got to make it more economical.
$1,000.
$100.
$100.
$100.
And you can just-
It's about volume at this point.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just imagine, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Oh, you know?
You know what I mean yeah
I'm sorry for robbing that bank
What if we tied people to a helicopter and you got to pin yada them
That's kind of wild right I guess something better give it to me a water slide
It's a water slide. It sounds fun cuz you look you think you're gonna have a good time
Okay, yeah, you get in you, you have your favorite bathing suit on.
There's a guy up there going, all right, have fun, buddy.
Okay.
You slide down, but the fucking gets thinner and thinner.
The slide, yeah.
And then eventually you get stuck.
And then the water, because, right? Right? Wow.
And then the water,
because water first have water, you drown in it.
Ooh.
Ooh.
How do we get you unstuck for the next guy though?
You pile them on.
Whoa, okay.
Right, so you're like on top of each other.
Right.
Right?
Just like pep, pep, pep, pep, pep.
Right, and then maybe you can make the fucking,
I forget it.
Like a kebab.
That's what I was saying.
Yeah, like a big kebab. Yeah. Or just, can you make the fucking I forget it like a kebab. That's what I was saying. Yeah like a big kebab
Yeah, yeah, or just make can you can you make the tube more of a tortilla kind of a oh?
Some sort of what it's like a tortilla shape no, it's actual tortilla
If you want them to be edible
No, so they slide down naked you put them in a jet really thick tortilla where they can, they're not going to slip out of
it.
Right.
Right.
And then once you have like 10 guys, you tie it up, right?
We eat them.
You eat them.
You bake them and you eat them.
This makes a lot of sense.
I don't know.
Just throwing it out there.
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm talking about right now.
What's the video I sent you?
Or didn't I send you another? Oh yeah, that one, that one. don't know what we're talking about. What's the video I sent you?
Didn't I send you another, oh yeah, that one, that one,
go back, that one, other one.
We found out where Doc is.
He's been training.
His breath hold is so good.
Yeah, for little tiny lungs?
Yeah.
Where does he hold it all?
Yeah, look at him.
We're not scared, buddy.
I think that guy would fuck shit up.
Yeah?
I don't know why this went around the internet,
but man it's just cute to watch him.
It's cute to watch him.
I don't know why.
Yeah, I would hire him just to swim in my pool, bud.
Yeah man?
Yeah.
He wants to come on the show?
Bring him on the show.
He lives in LA?
No.
Okay, we have to fly him out?
No, he's always around here.
He lives in Miami.
He's always come to LA.
Let me ask you something, Did you go to Coachella?
Do you guys even go to Coachella? I've never been. Have you been?
Let's go next year. Absolutely. Let's go next year. No. I really need to go. I've already gone
once. You have? I went in like the fourth year, fifth year when it was brand new. And then now.
We got to go next year. No matter who's playing look at this you see Justin Bieber and and what's his name?
Jaden Smith making out yeah look at their hump in and then he gives him a big kiss
My god this clip circulated like crazy
Gay porn is so good. Okay, and it's's honestly, dude. What are you talking about? This is not gay porn.
I'm just saying because they're really kissing.
No, they're just kissing on each other in cheek.
I've done that to Andrew.
But man, this is bad.
Not like this.
This looks interesting.
Yeah.
You've never kissed me like that?
It's just look, no, I don't think so.
Ooh!
Let's just get to a nice little angle there.
I'm walking by what is he saying Jay, what's he saying sit down?
Sit down and sit down. Sit down and sit down.
Sit down and sit down.
You should sit down.
You didn't even want to do it.
I was just like, what is this bit?
Thank you for...I gotta go.
Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah.