Bad Friends - Rudy & The Goop

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, bad friends, we're the last leg of our tour. This is it. The greatest show on earth. Sacramento Long Beach are totally sold out. Then we go to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Niagara Falls. Niagara's sold out, Windsor, it's right there about to sell out as well. So if you live in Windsor, come see us.

Starting point is 00:00:14 Come to Tucson, Arizona. In Tucson, Arizona. Then come to Tucson. And the final one, Las Vegas, Nevada. Las Vegas, and that's about to sell out as well. So come out and see us at badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com, and also,.com and also bad news, good news. Good news, good news.

Starting point is 00:00:29 Good news is this, good news is this. We did a competition. That's right, a shirt competition. What? A shirt competition. A t-shirt competition. I knew I was gonna win. I always win and I won by how much? A thousand or so.

Starting point is 00:00:41 Yeah, way more than you. So now what I get is a naked massage. Well, you're gonna massage. Naked? Yeah, you're gonna get a regular massage. No, we said naked. We said naked. We did say naked.

Starting point is 00:00:53 Regular massage. No, naked. If you wanna see me pay the piper and do my due diligence, go to patreon.com slash bad friends to see the massage, patreon.com slash bad friend. Naked. You're gonna get what you want, okay? Okay. Pig. You two are bad friends to see the massage patreon.com slash bad friend naked You're gonna get what you want. Okay pig

Starting point is 00:01:16 Bad friends Gooby goops Hello Do a song for goop goop goop Goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop goop go studio you put the mic to your mouth go this is a mic yeah my I was wearing the mic no no no you got your mouth still near your mouth okay everything's fine yeah yeah you seem more panicky yeah because I realized I can't be the goop anymore what do you mean why I

Starting point is 00:01:54 can't be the goop you don't like the nickname I love the nickname but Gwyneth Paltrow is a goop and I'm scared of Gwyneth no no no no no no no we did there's two different coops yeah Gwyneth Paltrow has their line of cherry choo choo candles I don't I can't be the goop I No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Goop, what would you like to be called? I like the Goop because I didn't have to think of it. Yeah. I know.

Starting point is 00:02:26 So can we stay with the Goop? Yeah, yeah. I do have a nickname, but it's already taken in the comedy community. What is it called? I don't want to be it though, okay? Yeah. Can I say something?

Starting point is 00:02:35 Yeah. This eyebrows thicker this time. Yeah, you grew one out. Really? Yeah, it's a little thicker. Congratulations. Thank you. I'm evened out.

Starting point is 00:02:43 Balance. No, it's uneven. It's a little... It's still uneven. It's still uneven, but what's the nickname in the comedy community that you're given? Oh, I wasn't given in the comedy community, but I can't have my out of the comedy community nickname because it's Coco, and there's already a Coco. Coco.

Starting point is 00:02:59 Diaz. Joey Coco Diaz. Yeah. Yeah, but he moved to Jersey, so you're... You know what I mean? You're good. Yeah. Can you do an impression of Joey Diaz. Yeah. Yeah, but he moved to Jersey, so you're, you know what I mean? You're good. Yeah. Can you do an impression of Joey Diaz?

Starting point is 00:03:10 He's Italian, right? He is Italian. So, hey. Hey, that's all I had. It's gritty. Let him do it. Oh. Go gritty.

Starting point is 00:03:22 Imagine this, you smoked a carton of cigarettes in one hour. Okay. And then all of a sudden, the spirit of JFK went into your throat. Oh wow. RFK. RFK, I like that, my bad. Robert Downey Jr.? No.

Starting point is 00:03:35 I'm dyslexic, but. RFK, you know who that is? Hey, guys, his tongue's like this. He's married to Cheryl Hines. But go deeper. Isn't he trying to be fucking president this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing a benefit show. I'm doing a benefit show. He's married to Cheryl Hines. But go deeper. Isn't he trying to be fucking president this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing a benefit show.

Starting point is 00:03:47 I'm doing a benefit show for him. I'm sharing. Cheryl Hines. Oh, I can't kid around anymore. I'm doing a benefit show. Let's move on. I know, wait, let's bring up the lineup of who's on the benefit show for RFK.

Starting point is 00:03:56 Hi. Are you Goop? Yeah. Is it? Rudy, that's the Goop Dog right there. Oh. I thought he'd be Asian. You thought he'd be Asian. He did seem Asian. Yeah. Is it? Rudy, that's the goop dog right there. You thought he'd be Asian. He did seem Asian.

Starting point is 00:04:08 Yeah. Shout out to the benefit for RFK, Cheryl Hines, Tim Dillon, Rob Schneider, Bobby Lee, Dustin Yabara, and Mike Binder. Yeah, Mike Binder. I gotta say something about this lineup. It's a hair. All-star. Yeah. All-Cute. This is star-studded. Dude, fuck you, dude. This is star-studded. I gotta say something about this lineup. It's all star

Starting point is 00:04:31 All this is star. Fuck you do. This is star studded. That's Chelsea handler. It's not Chelsea handle I'm fine buddy. Can I just say may I defend myself real quick? Why I'm just no no I do you could tease all you want. All right. That's why I'm here. Yeah. All right, but may I defend myself a little bit Okay, okay Well, our whip RFK All right, but may I defend myself a little bit? Okay. Okay. R- Wait. RFK. Mm-hmm. Cheryl Hines, they call me together.

Starting point is 00:04:51 Hey, do you mind doing a benefit for us? Yeah, yeah. Well, talk to Cheryl. Is it, is that a disability we shouldn't be making fun of? No, it's just, I don't know what it is. Is he dying from that? No. If he's dying from it, I can't make fun of it.

Starting point is 00:05:05 If he's not dying from it. Anyway, Cheryl gets on the phone. Is it, can you do us a favor and please do this better? I can't say no to her. You could. Spasmodic dysphoria, around 1996, one symptom of the rare neurological disorder is a raspy voice.

Starting point is 00:05:20 No cure, could a patient get under or go to surgery. It's not gonna kill him. It's fine, it's fine. Not gonna kill him. That's his red hair. We're gonna make fun kill him. It's fine, it's fine. It's fine, we can make fun of him. That's his red hair. We can make fun of him. That's his red hair. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:28 You know what I mean? Yeah. He's fine. That's his Korean eyes. Right. No, I love my Korean eyes. And if you have Korean eyes out there. I don't.

Starting point is 00:05:36 If you have Korean eyes out there, be proud. Sleepy little boy. You know who called me today? Your mom. Oh, why? I swear to God, your mom called me. I'll even prove it to you. No, I believe you.

Starting point is 00:05:46 She rung me up. What'd she say? Just wanted to fucking link. That's weird. You know what she said to me? What? Andrew, you're my sneaky link. She called me sneaky link.

Starting point is 00:05:56 Yeah. You know what a sneaky link is? You. That I'm a side piece. No, that's not what it means. Sneaky link. No. Sneaky link. She called me that.

Starting point is 00:06:04 No, you're a problem solver. Sneaky Link is a slang term that refers to a secret or a discrete meeting between two people who are romantically interested in each other. She called me. She didn't say that. She called me Sneaky Link. No.

Starting point is 00:06:14 Or she said get a drinky drink. I couldn't really make out. Yeah. But I think she called me a Sneaky Link. I swear. Oh, that's what she said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:06:23 Welcome also to the show. The Goop is this back and also our beloved Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules. Oh, that's what she said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Welcome also to the show. The Goop is this back and also our beloved Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules. Looking nice in her teddy. What do you think of the Goop so far? I like his energy.

Starting point is 00:06:34 It's like calming and chill. What color is his energy? Yeah. Orange for some reason. What color? Did you want to say pink? You're red. I'm red. He's orange. What's Bob yellow?

Starting point is 00:06:45 That's not you can't yes. Yes, you're right. You know what your energy is shit brown poop Oh, I had explosive diarrhea before okay, and seen Did you really have an upset stomach? Yeah, what's been going on? What did you eat? I? Ordered coffee, but I forgot to order almond milk. I got whole milk. Oh, your lactose, like I am. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:11 How are you, is everybody lactose now? It's like a thing that's going around. What do you mean? I feel like a lot of people are lactose intolerant now. Did you put on perfume this morning? Yeah. You smell it? Yeah, I can smell it from here.

Starting point is 00:07:23 What is that? It's Tito Bobby's perfume I asked. Wait, wait. The one I asked. You asked for your date you took. I asked for it on my birthday. What was it? The Rouge Buck.

Starting point is 00:07:35 Oh, that one, yeah. What is it? I don't know. Rouge Bacquaman? Yeah, Rouge Bacquaman. Rouge Bacquaman. And you took the notebook too? No, I forgot to get it.

Starting point is 00:07:43 Okay. All right. Anyway, goop How's the response been since the last time you were on our show? Oh my god. I 800,000 people saw that episode. I don't even know 800,000 people like it's It's overwhelming. No one does Do you think we know all of them? Yeah, you guys are 800,000 people saw it, but even more people heard it. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:08:10 A lot of people listened to it. Yeah, I haven't gotten that much love, and I didn't know there was that much love in the world for me. It was incredible. You deserve it. Don't you feel good about it? Whoa. What are you going to do with your newfound fame? I bought tickets to Adele's final performance. That's got to do it.

Starting point is 00:08:29 June 15th. You did. That's her final performance in Las Vegas. In Las Vegas. I'm not going to Germany. Right. Why would you? She lives in Germany?

Starting point is 00:08:38 She can't make me, huh? She lives in Germany? No, she announced a Germany residence. Oh, okay. She's gonna spend a whole, it's like a year doing shows just for Germans, huh? Yeah, which sounds kind of... Who's opening? Kanye? She like that joke? I do. Yeah, you like those jokes. Dude, I got the goop. And then you bought Esther something, though? Yeah, we're going to see Madonna. You got her to the tickets? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:00 What second row I heard? No, it's a perfect view because it's from, she has many stages. So we're gonna be after all the stages in the first row. So she has like four stages. She has many. Four stages and you're in first row in all the stages. No, no, no, no, no. We're in a comfortable distance from,

Starting point is 00:09:21 you know, there's two catwalks and then another catwalk in the middle. And then there's a little break. I want to make sure she could see. So there's a little break in the middle and then there's me and Esther and Emily. Who's Emily? Who's Emily? From the comedy story. R. Emily. R. Emily.

Starting point is 00:09:38 R. Emily. Oh, wow. Wow. I have a feeling when this song comes up, you're going to get up and you're going to jiggle your little body. There's no Madonna song that will make me jiggle my body. Like a version. No, I think my favorite song would be probably Frozen or I like Miley's cover of Like a Prayer.

Starting point is 00:09:56 Just like a prayer. It's like the prayer like you kneel down to suck the dick. Yeah. And I wash, yes, but not the dick. That's what it's about. Is it really? Yes, it's about giving head. Like a prayer, it's about giving head. That's why people were mad about it. Oh. And then the music video is with like a black Jesus, right? Remember that people got really mad about that? That's before your time. But in the music video, people were upset. She's like kneeling in front of a black Jesus.

Starting point is 00:10:20 It's about, and I say black Jesus, I should just say Jesus because that's what color he was. That's hot. Yeah. And she was sucking him. Well, he was fucking her. What's on his face? He's crying, that's tears. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:10:34 It looks like Goop. Yeah, it looks like Goop. That's your there. But he's half wooden. He's like wooden turns into a man. It's like Goopnut on his face. No. It's Goopnut.

Starting point is 00:10:42 No. Goopnut. Goopdog, what do you think about Rudy? Do you know about Rudy on this show? I thought she was going to walk in and then she was going to be like, stop being a little bitch. But like she hasn't done that. Yeah. Do you have any advice to give to Goop, Rudy?

Starting point is 00:10:56 No, really. He seems so cute. I just want to squish him. Squish him. Go ahead and squish him. Squish mellow? Yeah, you're allowed to squish him. Yeah. It's in his contract that he's allowed to get squished. Squish him. Go ahead and squish him. Squish him, Mellow? Yeah, you're allowed to squish him. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:06 It's in his contract that he's allowed to get squished. Well, yeah. It is, dude. You signed it. Pauly squished me and he also said that he watched the episode and said it was like watching an episode of Love on the Spectrum. And then I watched Love on the Spectrum and he's not wrong. Let me say something.

Starting point is 00:11:21 You gotta be careful with that guy. Why? With Pauly? Yeah. Why? Just be careful, dude. You gotta be careful with that guy. Why? With Pauly? Yeah. Why? Just be careful, dude. Oh, you're saying right. Yeah, you gotta be careful. You in particular.

Starting point is 00:11:31 I'm pretty good at that, but you're very, very... And when I... Yeah. Thanks. You'll get scratches. Hey. Scratches? I got blue... blue... What?

Starting point is 00:11:40 Balls? Scratch? No, no. Have you ever had blue balls, Goof? No, but I will call 911 I know that you know you're not supposed to they're not supposed to be blue. They're not you're not supposed to They don't physically turn blue. Yeah, oh, yeah, and why do they call that? They don't turn eyes blue. What are you talking about? It just means when you have like backup of semen and you like you get close to ejaculate and then you don't and the buildup causes pain and discomfort

Starting point is 00:12:03 Yeah, they call it blue balls. Have you ever had that? Have you ever had pain and discomfort in your nutsack? I have pain and discomfort everywhere. Like sometimes, yeah, like, uh, and you know. You have blue shoulders then. I just like, I have pain in my chest and I have a tingly feeling in my arm. Wait, which one? That's called a stroke. That left me with a stroke. Yeah, I just ignore it. That's a heart attack or a stroke. Yeah. Yeah. me with a stroke. Yeah, I just ignore it. Yeah. Yeah. No, we gotta go to the hospital.

Starting point is 00:12:27 It has to be three days in a row. Oh, you Googled it. What fucking, no it doesn't. One in a row is, if your chest feels heavy and your arm goes numb, you're having a heart attack. I thought it meant you're in love. Yeah. It can't.

Starting point is 00:12:44 That tingly feeling in your chest and then, you know, it your chest and then you know, you're gonna be in love. Yeah Well, you're gonna be in love with the afterlife Goop dope goop dog. Do you really get tingles in your arms? Yeah, but they blame anxiety with now you're either you're either having an anxiety attack or a heart attack and there's really no Different there's a huge difference really massive massive. massive, massive difference. One is from the skull. The brain, stroke. And the other one is your heart stopping. So totally different things.

Starting point is 00:13:12 One of them is your brain going, uh, I'm afraid of the world. Yeah. And the other one is your heartbeat like, kuh, kuh, kuh. No, they send the same signals, they do feel the same. No, they don't. I've had panic attacks.

Starting point is 00:13:22 They don't feel like a heart attack. No. No, and I hope you do not don't feel like a heart attack. No. No. And I hope you do not. Have you had a heart attack before? No, but my dad actually had a heart attack. And also I forgot to say he has up the butt cancer. So he had many things that he died from, not just COVID

Starting point is 00:13:37 and heart condition. Slow down. Slow down. Let's start, let's, we'll approach up the butt cancer in a second. Why do you say up you just meet dizzy? Did he have rectal cancer? I think it's prostate. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that's up the butt if you ask me Yeah, have you ever felt your prostate? Coop? No, but I know that there's say that you know You have to do it, but I'm only 27 so maybe when I turn 37 Have you ever put anything in your butt at all?

Starting point is 00:14:05 No. No. No. Okay, that's- Obviously that's- Goop, goop, goop, goop. Look at me right now. Okay.

Starting point is 00:14:14 Look at me right now, dude. Okay. I'm not judging. Okay. I love you. I love you too. And I love you to be honest with me. Okay.

Starting point is 00:14:21 Because we're friends. Okay. And I'm gonna ask you a direct question. Okay. Okay. And I would love you to be completely honest with you. Okay. We're friends. Okay. And I'm gonna ask you a direct question. Okay. Okay. And I would love you to be completely honest with me. Okay. Have you ever had anything up your butt?

Starting point is 00:14:34 No. Dude. Did I pass? I think he passes, dude. Put both of your arms up in the air. I can't have jigglies. No, put them both like this. Okay. All right ready?

Starting point is 00:14:45 Yeah. Look, will you look at me again? Hello. Have you ever had anything up your butt? No. Okay, that's great. No, you're not supposed to do this. Have you ever touched your own butt? When you like your butthole? Like you're fun for fun. When you like your butthole like you're fun for fun The hello from the other side. Yeah, I do like Adele, but yeah, hello from the I'm scared of my own body Why are you scared of your own body? I'm not like other people is a hello from the other side. Yeah That's Adele sucks. It's like anal sex hello from the other side. That's what the song was about I bet that or a bad reception Or ghosting I don't know. It's her weakest song actually. I can't believe it's a hit. You don't like Hello from the

Starting point is 00:15:32 other side? No, no. Well, let's pull up the lyrics to Hello from the other side and I want to see what your biggest beef is with and listen up Adele because she's a big fan of the show. Hello, it's me right? Who did that? Was that Carlos? Hello, you sing the next line the fact that you don't like this song it boggles my mind It's such a beautiful. You get the next line go ahead. Hello Can you hear me that one? Yeah, buddy boggles my mind it's such a beautiful you get the next line go ahead hello can you hear me that one yeah buddy can you hear me no no no thank you hello you know the how it goes you hear me I'm in California alright don't let him do it so you know go ahead and go we're recording I'll whip sink it no, hello, hello

Starting point is 00:16:26 Come on goop Hello, oh no see if I could sing I would I would be singing Do you want to get a stab Jules? Okay? Yeah, yeah, she can do it Hello Can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming about who used to be. See, she gave it a shot. She gave it a shot. People were-

Starting point is 00:16:48 It sounds nothing like it at all. People in their cars were turning down the high. Okay, yeah. Just give it a second, give it a second. It's hard. It's mine. Just repeat after me then. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:00 Hello, hello. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming. I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be. About who we used to be. This is Bobby's version. That's very good.

Starting point is 00:17:19 When we were younger. When we were younger. OK, I'm free. It sounds like a country. And free. I've forgotten how it felt Before the world fell at our feet before oh, there's a pretty song So you like it now. Okay. Look she had an incredible record and for this to be the first single offer new record You know it was a bit of a letdown because like all her singles from the previous album was better than this, you know, but I like the

Starting point is 00:17:49 second single off this album. You can't even sing it and you're judging. Oh, I but I can't. Hello. No more. No more singing. Yeah. We know that part.

Starting point is 00:17:59 Hello. That part is. Yeah. Do you know what a couch quarterback is? Have you ever heard that phrase? If it's anything like this, it's probably not very comfortable. No, a couch quarterback is someone who, at their house, criticizes like NFL players.

Starting point is 00:18:11 Oh. If they could do it. And they're so like indignant about it. So you criticize Adele putting out that single, but you can't sing. I can't sing, like you really can't sing. So you gotta give it props, it's a great fucking song. It's a good song.

Starting point is 00:18:24 It's okay. And it's a banger single. Why not? It's a good intro So you think if you managed Adele's career you would have put out a different single from that album I think after being gone for that long maybe that was a good choice, but it's not her best. Oh, it's a reintroduction Yeah, it is a reintroduction. Yeah. Well, okay, you guys win. Thank you. Thank you so much Thank you I'd like to give you a gift Mccone give him a gift because I feel like it's a midway point right now of his Comfortability on the show. We're almost comfortable. Oh my god. I use some chippies, bud. Whoa. Thank you I just had a big dinner yesterday. I had the lace barbecue, which is a classic

Starting point is 00:18:56 But maybe I could you know, you know to hold it like a baby It's I like to hold burritos and babies like like yeah Yeah, I would trust you more with a bag of Doritos thanritos and babies like, yeah. I would trust you more with a bag of Doritos than a baby. Oh yeah. That looks like you care more about that. Yeah. That's also, these aren't Doritos.

Starting point is 00:19:12 You don't like this. This is just restaurant style tortilla chips. It's a good starter chip. It's a good start up chip. Do you want a baby? Look at me right now. You want a baby bit? I love babies, but I hate children.

Starting point is 00:19:25 Exactly. So you could steal a baby, raise it, and then when it becomes a kid, give it away again. That's true. I mean, I really do want a pet. Or I'm Shoshone. I'm your wife. I like that.

Starting point is 00:19:38 That's a pretty name. Let's do a scene. OK. All right. And I'm your bigoted neighbor. Yeah. Oh, Greg. Greg.

Starting point is 00:19:49 Greg, I should have shown you. Look what I got. I don't see it. That's not improv. Oh. Wait, stop. Let's teach him the rules of improv. That was improv.

Starting point is 00:20:02 He didn't know what you had. You had to explain it. No, but he's supposed to add information and tell me what it is. No, but he just said, I don't see it. He can't hold the baby of improv. That was improv. He didn't know what you had. You had to explain it. No, but he's supposed to add information and tell me what it is. No, but he just said, I don't see it. He can't hold the baby like this. He's not a baby. OK.

Starting point is 00:20:11 I'll give you the ultrasound. Oh, oh, shit. OK. Greg. Hello. Good morning. Good morning. I should show him.

Starting point is 00:20:23 Look what I got. Whoa. Where do you get bath from? Well, I was feeling a little nauseated, and I went to the doctor, and my doctor thought that maybe I was pregnant, and I got an ultrasound, and here we go. Whoa.

Starting point is 00:20:38 We're having a baby. No way. I was gonna say we should have a dog, but I guess we're having an Armenian baby, and it's furry and it's cute So it's like the best of both worlds Um, are you having a baby or are we having a baby? No, I mean you came inside me remember? Okay, you are there with that doesn't answer the question if you you're gonna have it, or if we're gonna have it together. Remember the missionary.

Starting point is 00:21:05 In the missionary, in the military? Remember you were looking at me, right? Yeah. Just say what you said, you said, I'm about to come. I'm about to goop. Yeah. And then? Right, and then, right inside me.

Starting point is 00:21:16 Okay. And that's what, look. Whoa. Is it a girl baby or a boy baby? It's a girl baby or a boy baby? It's a girl Okay, okay the sex scene between you guys is just like the one in forest scump with him and Jenny They have sex in forest scump in my mind. That's the exact same. That is the exact same. Yeah Like how many palms you think to not even if he stuck it in a can

Starting point is 00:21:45 Yeah, slip because he had waited. Slip bruh. Yeah. Slip bruh. Because he had weighed all his life. Whole life. Yeah. Man's game. Man's game. 2024 is here in full swing and that means it's time for a New Year's resolution check-in

Starting point is 00:21:56 with our friend at Manscape. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. News flash, Bob. It's never too late to level up your grooming game and keep your bush tamed, baby. Minds that, you know what, I trim my bush the other day. I love when you do it. And I collected the hairs, I saved them for you

Starting point is 00:22:07 in a little Ziploc bag. I love when you do that too. Thanks to Manscaped and the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra. He uses catnip for my cat. You do? Yep. Well, thanks to Manscaped's new Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra. It's every man's cheat code to look and good, feel good,

Starting point is 00:22:18 and turn the page on confidence this year, whether you're going for a trim or that clean shaven look bald eagle, baby. Trusted by, as you covered. Trusted by over 10 million men worldwide, 10 million. Now is your time to get a grip on your grooming with our exclusive hour offer. Go to manscape.com and use code BADFRIENDS for 20% off

Starting point is 00:22:35 and free shipping. The ball has dropped, but don't drop the ball on your ball. Look, I've been using Manscape for a long, long time. That performance package 5.0 is incredible. All right, you're gonna get a lot more, that ear and nose hair trimmer and essential aftercare products with that crop soother. Make your balls feel and smell so, so good.

Starting point is 00:22:53 Bob, how do they get this stuff in their home? It's so easy, Andrew. I'm so glad you asked. Okay. You get 20% off and free shipping with the code badfriendsatmanscaped.com. Embrace a new you and definitely embrace a new trimmer, courtesy of Manscaped. This episode is sponsored by Bluetooth. Let's

Starting point is 00:23:11 talk about sex. I love sex. You want to bring the heat in the bedroom? That's what I do. Know you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed. Listen up, bluetooth.com. And I'm going to say something right now to Andrew. Tell me. You don't even have to take it when you're having sex with anybody. You could do it alone if you'd like. I do it alone. I do you? Yeah, and I do four hour sessions.

Starting point is 00:23:31 Wow. It's incredible dude. Bluetooth is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and LaVitra, but you insuable tablets, and at a fraction of the cost. That's right.

Starting point is 00:23:41 No matter who you're using Bluetooth with, you gotta get your game up. Look. You can do it by yourself Look, Bobby sometimes wants it by himself. He does it with partners, but he also does it alone and there's nothing wrong with that, right? And Bluetru wants to help you have better sex, discover your options at bluetru.com, chew it and do it.

Starting point is 00:23:57 And we got a special deal for our listeners. Try Bluetru free when you use promo code badfriends at checkout, just pay $5 for shipping. Listen, Bobbily is saying this right now. This stuff works. I love chewing it. I like the flavor even. It does taste good, does it?

Starting point is 00:24:11 That's bluetooth.com promo code badfriends to receive your first month free. That's bluetooth.com promo code B-A-D-F-R-I-E-N-D-S to receive your first month free. Visit bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. Let me say something to you, okay?

Starting point is 00:24:28 Okay. We're family. Whoa. No, don't worry about it. Okay. Never worry about it. That should feel nice, you don't have anymore. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:38 I drove by Forest Lawn on my way here and I thought of Carlos. Why? Why? Because I passed by all my family members. Yeah. Oh, they're all at Forest Lawn. Yeah. How many do you think? I think there's four buried together and then two buried together and then two buried somewhere else and then I might be missing a few. Well, with the two that's buried somewhere else on Forest Lawn, how come they get a night closer to the...

Starting point is 00:24:58 We have prime real estate at Forest Lawn. For your family, I'm sure. Yeah. We have some great spot. You are not my family. Are you Forest Lawn Burbank or Forest Lawn. Oh, for your family, I'm sure. Yeah, we have some great spots. You are not my family, by the way. Are you Forest Lawn Burbank or Forest Lawn Glendale? The one that's on the way here. Do you bring flowers? I actually don't visit people because it's kind of like, what's the point? But if I do go, I would.

Starting point is 00:25:19 But I'm not going to go. You've never been. I go visit. Aside from the funeral. Every time someone dies, we kind of see the other people. You've never been. I go visit. Aside from the funeral. Every time someone dies, we kind of see the other people. But like, yeah. Oh, so it's like a...

Starting point is 00:25:30 And I don't drive, I can't get... I can't get for one. Yeah. Do you cry at funerals? Be honest. At funerals? It depends. Rudy, when's the last time you cried?

Starting point is 00:25:39 Yeah. I think last week, but also I don't cry a lot. So I forced myself to cry. What did you cry about last week? last week It was like a because I tried to force myself to cry so I read like negative comments What on the internet? How about you? That's how I cry. Why do you do that? Yeah, well don't look at negative comments because then I can't cry You don't need to cry. Does it hurt your feelings when you read a negative comment?

Starting point is 00:26:08 Sometimes. Yeah. What's the meanest thing that you've read? It's mostly just... Oh, she's... No. They said I look like a giant blueberry. That's cute!

Starting point is 00:26:24 Yeah, that is true though. Bring up the picture. Bring up the picture of Violet from Willy Wonka. Yeah, that's what I pictured. Funny. Somebody's got to do a painting of your face with that fucking coat. Very funny. That's very funny. Can a great artist please paint the goop as Violet?

Starting point is 00:26:40 That's our goop shirt. Yeah. You're turning goop, goop. Wait, goop, how old are you? No, I'm 27. He said that he said he's been 27 for over a decade Oh, he you don't know he looks like 20. Whoa The fuck he does 20 does not oh, I feel like uh, yeah Yeah, because yeah

Starting point is 00:27:04 Go ahead. I was because, go ahead. I was in special ed classes. That's why, that's why. But there was this one special day where they were enrolling people in honors programs. And I asked my teacher if I could be in honors programs. So she wrote a recommendation and they sent me to honors classes

Starting point is 00:27:19 and they sent me back the same day back to special ed. But in public schools, you have the choice of choosing. Can I sometimes you would be so hard to teach. Yeah, I'm a good listener. I would get nothing done. I teaching him. I would just I would give up first day. I know I can't do it. I would want to just chat with him. Yeah, yeah. Like I couldn't be I do. So they somebody said you have to go to special ed. I wasn't special why I Have a learning disability which is what I have I think it was a mixture of I just can't learn

Starting point is 00:27:58 It's hard but you're in you can't learn anything you're intelligent though Yeah, I can tell that you're intelligent So it's so what do you mean you just didn't absorb school shit? Yeah, it was too much going on Do you independently learn stuff on your own? Are you a reader? Yeah, I guess I got right here to check this out Here we go. I think you're undermining yourself. Hmm. And I think that you have information Common knowledge that we all know and I'm gonna ask you some questions and this is gonna prove a point Yeah, okay. Okay to your best of the your ability, you know, I mean Why did we attack Japan with the two bombs Naga sake Hiroshima? What led up to that?

Starting point is 00:28:38 Those were the bombs names Yeah No, those are the two guys. The two cities that we bombed, Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It sounds like it's like the Olympic celebration when they had... What led up to that though? Here we go. Come on. Come on, Goop.

Starting point is 00:28:58 I don't have Japan knowledge. I don't even know a Japanese star. I don't know. I think he's right. Yeah. He could be right. Give another historical common knowledge everyone would know. I think that one was pretty easy. All right. Here you go. Let's see what Rudy says. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Pearl Harbor. Yeah. Exactly. Pearl Harbor. Do you know what Pearl Harbor was? Yeah. That movie, right?

Starting point is 00:29:19 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's Private Ryan's or something. fictional movie. Yeah. Pearl Harbor. No, no, no That was about Matt Damon that war was started over This the Civil War I have by the way two goops two goop chuckles for me. I got Goop dog the Civil War Yeah Was between the who and the who? The what and the what the Indians in the Cowboys probably you better believe it You better believe it Indians in the cow. You see the Indians inboys probably. You better believe it. You better believe it.

Starting point is 00:29:45 The Indians in the Cowboys. You see the Indians in the Cowboys? Yeah, and it's about being civil. Whose team would you have been on? I would have to be the Cowboys because I can't pull off skirts and feathers and like slits. I can't show legs. You wouldn't look good. I have my mother's legs, but still.

Starting point is 00:29:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you would look good with those two like little gut, gut holsters. Yeah. You would look good with that and with the bullets over your I'm wearing jeans. You know, yeah, that's what the all war. Yeah, Rudy. I want to know for a second About how life is going because We're getting a little worried about you. Well, my visa expires. I know I know what's going on. I have to go back When

Starting point is 00:30:24 June how can we help this? What's going on? So I have to go back. Shit. When? June. How can we help this? We gotta help this. How do we do this? Can we write a letter to somebody? No, I can just renew it. It's just a... But you have to go home before you renew it.

Starting point is 00:30:34 Yeah. You can't do it here. No. Right, so what if you go home and they don't let you back? I know, that's why I'm scared. Cause they can do that. They can deny it.

Starting point is 00:30:41 I'll be so... We have to do something. I know, I'll do whatever it takes. Well, I mean, number one, she's a, she's a person, a public figure, a personality on our show. What if they hate my- Yeah, they could. None of it, none of it. No, no, they could.

Starting point is 00:30:54 Yeah. Yeah, they could. And I keep saying I hate white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do. Yeah, stop saying that. What, you're, you're, you're, you're visa and date is in June. You have to go home. You have to schedule an appointment there, and then they may or may not let you back.

Starting point is 00:31:08 Yeah, because I heard from my cousin, because he had a tourist visa when he was young, and it expired. And then he went to an interview, and they denied him. But this is different, though. You're going to college. She had a student visa. Yeah, that's different than a...

Starting point is 00:31:23 I know, but the student visas run out when you're out of school. Ask this guy. But you're still in school, right? How many more years? I have one more year. Yeah, you're... So they can't deny me, though.

Starting point is 00:31:31 No, no, no, they actually can. They definitely can. What? Well, because you're only allowed a visa for their... They don't give a fuck if you finish school or not. They're just saying you have to finish it in this amount of time we've given you, and then you have to reapply.

Starting point is 00:31:44 So she's got a... I mean mean we might not let you back in or You can get married your boy You can come through dude. Yeah, but he He's scared of his mom because his mom's really religious. So what they don't want he she doesn't want you wouldn't they want you to get Married then if they're very religious no because she thinks we're still young. So you are. You are. Yeah. But you're Filipino, he's Filipino. Yeah, but.

Starting point is 00:32:08 You got that in common. Would this be somebody you'd marry for real in the future? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Holy shit. So if he asked you to marry you right now, you'd say yes. Not right now.

Starting point is 00:32:18 No, if he said, will you marry me but down the road and give you like a, what is it, a promise ring? That's scary, but yeah. Wow, she would do it. It's incredible. Congratulations. Yeah, love. Have you ever been in love before this? No, no, have you ever been in love goop? No. Well, yeah, but not real people. Yeah, what have you been? What do you mean not really an Ottoman an Ottoman or something? Imaginary love? Yeah, Shakira. Like who it? Oh, Shakira. Imaginary thing.

Starting point is 00:32:47 You've been in love with people that don't know you're in love with them. Yeah. Kind of like a stalker. Like unrequited love. Yeah, it was young love. What's young love? That they don't know about.

Starting point is 00:32:55 No, no, no. Young love is when two people are very young and they get infatuated with one another. That is a phrase. That's a phrase. You were just young when you fell in love with someone. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the guy from Florida, the Bjork killer. Yeah, the guy that, yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:09 Bjork's dead? No, he's not dead. But there was a guy who was so obsessed with Bjork. Okay. There's a real thing. You can still see his YouTube videos. Yeah, he went to Wicked like 24 times or so. No. Yeah, and he, you know, back then, there was no like internet, I guess, so he went to. Ricardo Lopez. Yeah, Ricardo Lopez, this guy. So this guy, so scary, I know.

Starting point is 00:33:34 So he went to a fucking. I'm not gonna say it, but that doesn't. What is he? That doesn't not look like Goop. No, no, that doesn't look like you. That doesn't look like you. No, so he. So, this is how scary this guy, so check this out. He goes to a fucking, you know, a bookstore, No, no, that doesn't look like you. It doesn't look like you. No.

Starting point is 00:33:45 So, this is how scary this guy is. So, check this out. He goes to a fucking, you know, a bookstore and he goes to like the magazine section and he sees that Bjork is in a photo with a black guy. Yeah. Right? Wait, wait, who's Bjork first? You don't know Bjork is?

Starting point is 00:34:00 See the girl right there touching her mouth? She was a singer. She is a singer. She whispers. She's very talented. Oh, yeah, yeah.. So Bjork took a photo with a black guy. So then this Mexican guy from Florida, the guy in the front, because that's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life, right? He goes, ah, nah. You know, and he says the N word a couple of times. Yeah. And it's like, you're gonna die. So you know what he did? He did this unbelievable, this story.

Starting point is 00:34:25 So he decides to create a book, okay? So he's gonna go, I'm gonna pretend I'm like some sort of like literary company and I'm gonna propose Bjork with an idea of like a pop-up book, an interactive book where you can press buttons and stuff. That's right. And in one of the buttons, a needle comes out with HIV.

Starting point is 00:34:47 What? This was his plan. That was his plan. Oh, plan. Yeah, but he didn't figure out how to get, I don't know how you get HIV, you know what I mean? I think that was a problem. I think they sell it at Ralph.

Starting point is 00:34:55 No? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, and then he killed himself. Yeah. Which, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can tell right there. Yeah. No, but he was a lunatic.

Starting point is 00:35:06 Lunatic. Who put this on, he put this on video, which was the craziest part. His YouTube videos are, his monologues is still online. It's still online. And I will not support that, don't. No, we're not gonna watch it, but if you're at home. Yeah, you can watch it.

Starting point is 00:35:20 You can watch it at home, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was like, this was a big, big deal. It was like a big turning point because it's not like we hadn't had weird stalkers do crazy shit in the past. Yeah. We have, but this was something different. There was like a breaking point.

Starting point is 00:35:34 Do you remember how it was like such a creepy? It was creepy and scary. Scary, yeah. For the first time it was scary instead of just gross. I imagine you're living your life. You're singing. You're doing shows. Mama mama. Yeah, yeah. Mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama over here, you know, mix it with this, put a button inside the book. Basically he has a grocery store checklist. He's like, book, you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:36:06 AIDS, got it, needle, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's scary that like there are things going on in the world. But you don't stalk. No. Do you know where you're, where like these people live? That's their business, but I know when they're on tour.

Starting point is 00:36:21 Right. And she's not on tour. You know where Miley Cyrus lives. Yeah, I lived close by. on tour and she's not where Miley Cyrus lives. Oh, yeah, I lived close by You know where she lives specifically not anymore Goof what you did goof what? No, you don't I don't know don't implicate yourself. And if you did, you would forget. You wouldn't do anything. No.

Starting point is 00:36:46 No. Have you ever made fan art and delivered it to someone personally? I promise you that's exactly what well, okay? Yeah, actually, that's what we did, but it was funny. You know, like you delivered to their home. Yeah Well, my brother kept bringing home people and I'm like, what am I supposed to talk about with these people? I was much younger. So I brought out my crayons and my construction paper and we all made cards for Miley Cyrus And and one of them was esl. So here. I love you Montana So, you know, we had a few drinks and then we dropped off the cards and how old were you? You had drinks in your coloring. Oh, it was under age drinking. How old were you? Probably 20. 20?

Starting point is 00:37:28 And you went to her house? No. It sounded like... It was fun. It was like a little prank thing. Yeah. You think she was pranked? Yeah, she got three cards.

Starting point is 00:37:39 Yeah. I imagine. She was like, ah, call the cops. No, she's like, you got me, you drew a broccoli from my leg. That's funny. That's funny. Also funny drawings. I know it was innocent. We're just kidding.

Starting point is 00:37:53 We're kidding around. We're not from a good place. Yeah. Really good place. So when you do get deported, Rudy, do you think you'll miss us? I think I'll miss you guys. I don't want to be deported. I don't want it either, but...

Starting point is 00:38:06 Can I be honest with you? You think I'm gonna get deported? Yes, but... I do too. Are you gonna go quietly? No. No. Okay, good.

Starting point is 00:38:13 Put up a fight. Yeah. Good. Rip everything. I... I... Um... Don't...

Starting point is 00:38:18 Don't say it out loud, because it's gonna happen. No, I'm gonna tell you how I feel, fuckface. Oh, okay. Okay. You came what, junior year in high school fuckface. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. You came what, junior year in high school? Yeah. You lived in my house. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:38:30 And I saw you go through it. The trials and tribulations of life. Yeah. And I honestly, I know I sometimes I go, dad's here when I call. Yeah, I know you're not, I'm not your dad. You know? But it feels like it.

Starting point is 00:38:42 There's parts of me that do feel like it. That I did something to help you I helped a lot. Yeah, and um You'll never be able to repay me but um There's no way you don't know that maybe but she's she's on to something But it breaks if you are not let back in it would break my fucking heart Mm-hmm, and that's why we have, as a bad friends company, seven equies, whoever needs to get involved,

Starting point is 00:39:07 we have to get right letters to the government. I don't want to. I know, please. I don't want to. Not for us. Oh, we'll make them do it? Yeah. Yes, we will have someone at the company

Starting point is 00:39:17 write letters to the government. Okay, yeah. Honestly, your honest opinion. Of course you know me. No, I want to hear it out of your mouth. Look at her in the eyes and tell you how you feel about her. How about this? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:32 How about this? Do you know that I would do it for you? I think so. Yes. Do what? Anything, whatever she wants. Anything she asks me, I would do it. She knows that.

Starting point is 00:39:41 When I call her sometimes and she goes, Tito Andrew, it's always a question mark. B2. Because she's always nervous. Why are you calling? Yeah. Because I should be texting. So you have his number saved. And he greets me. Happy birthday. I do. Okay. And when I call you and we talk, you know that if you could ask me for anything, would I give it to you or get it for you? I think so. Yeah, I would. Same here. I know, I'm just, you wanted me to fucking speak my piece, I told you. I'm just- There's no one in this studio that I wouldn't do everything for other than McCone.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Yeah, me too. Other than McCone- I fired you yesterday, dude. What are you still doing here? People do hate that your head is behind their heads. I have heard this, that people go, What is that fucking guy's head lingering behind the head? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:24 Carlos keeps, or fancy keeps him close. And Carlos, by the way, we should give a little bit of credit if we're going to bounce around the bad family room. Is sober now for over a month? Over a month, very good. You look better. Thank you, guys. You know what it is, honestly, beyond look better,

Starting point is 00:40:39 I can tell that you're functioning at a higher level now. I can feel you feel better about stuff. When we text at night and stuff, I can tell that you're functioning at a higher level now. I can feel you feel better about stuff. When we text at night and stuff, I can feel you're more like, what's the word? You're just more like involved and aware. I also texted you, would I text you? Get me cigarettes?

Starting point is 00:40:56 No, no, no, no, not today, not today. Not today. Oh, yeah. Not today, not today. Last week, what'd I say? You're doing great. But we're proud of you. Thank you, man.

Starting point is 00:41:07 We're proud of all of our bad friends and we mean that. And we don't want you to get deported and we want you to stay around the goop for a long time. We're proud of all of them. And fancy, we'll talk about it later. Yeah. Morgan and Morgan! It's 2024 now, so let's talk about something very important.

Starting point is 00:41:24 If you get injured by a person, place or thing, you deserve to get paid. That's right. Life can be crazy sometimes, and one person's negligence can result in another settlement. That's right. If you're in an accident, not calling a lawyer means you could be leaving money on the table, all right?

Starting point is 00:41:38 When you're seriously hurt, your injury could be worth millions. I've been hit, actually multiple times here in Los Angeles due to poor driving on other people, but I got hit in my own neighborhood. Wish I had Morgan and Morgan to turn to because Morgan Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than a thousand lawyers. Holy, holy, holy. So many. Holy, holy.

Starting point is 00:41:56 Twenty billion dollars recovered for over 500,000 clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of finding to get you full and fair compensation. Submitting an injury claim and Morgan Morgan is so easy. It's like River Dance is hard. River Dance is hard. Submitting an injury claim with Morgan Morgan is easy. That's right. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:15 What else is hard? I would say welding is hard. No? You don't think that's that hard? I've welded some things. You've welded before? The Statue of Liberty, no. So welding the Statue of Liberty is hard. That's right.

Starting point is 00:42:25 So making an injury claim with Morgan & Morgan is easy. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to www.forthepot.com. Slash, bad friends, or dial poundlaw. Pound, five to nine from your cell phone. That's four. F-O-R, the people.

Starting point is 00:42:38 Dot, com slash, bad friends, or poundlaw. Pound, five to nine from your cell. That's F-O-R, the people.com. Slash, bad friends, or poundlaw. Pound, five to nine from your cell. yourself is a paid advertisement. Display, display, oh, is a one of a kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions. That's right, display created at 21st century canvas that is sturdy, look at this,

Starting point is 00:42:55 magnet mounted right here on the back, durable enough to withstand a lifetime of it's then staring and enjoying. Do you know, when I was a kid, But staring is only half the fun. You you know, when I was a kid- But staring, you know what? But staring is only half the fun. You can customize, collect, and rearrange them at will. Do what you will! What were you doing as a kid? What happened when you were a kid?

Starting point is 00:43:13 Well, you know, as a kid, I used to have posters, man. Yeah, me too. I used to have Durandran, I used to have other ones. I had Phantom of the Opera. That's so, what do you- Say it. Nerd. Yeah. And anyway anyway the posters and my

Starting point is 00:43:27 walls the posters would deteriorate within like six months. Yeah the sun would get to them. The sun. Yeah. Or they would what do you mean the sun through the window. Or anyway. Or the corners would peel off. Yeah. Just start to peel and they would ruin your parents walls. Yeah but would this plate now. Nah nah nah. You don't get any of that stuff man. Display delivers its products worldwide in four to five business days It's a perfect alternative for standard poster posters that often get damaged and it doesn't leave marks on the wall They're also eco-friendly and the whole company is carbon neutral Make sure to get your display and use the link in the description

Starting point is 00:43:58 The discount will be applied automatically at the checkout or use code bad friends of the checkout to get 22% off for one to two displays 33% off for 3 plus displays So go to display.com slash badfriends that's display.com slash badfriends March 1st and 2nd I'm in Phoenix I'm probably not going to be able to do that one What's going on in Phoenix? I'm doing stand-up live With who?

Starting point is 00:44:20 I'm just going to headline So you're going out to do weekends again Just one I'm not jealous I'm just interested is this because're going out to do weekends again. Just one I'm not jealous. I'm just interested. Is this because we're prepping for something No, I just couldn't be honest with you. Well, that's what we're here for. Okay It wasn't even me wanting to do it. Well, then you could say no, no, but I know but it's like, you know who I'm talking about Don't say her name. Yeah, right. She was insisting. That you do it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:46 And I'm like, I did it for her. I get it. Okay. That being said, I will announce that I'm putting together 10 club dates too, cause I'm working on my hour. Good. So I'm gonna be going out. Where do you wanna go? I've already got it, we already have them.

Starting point is 00:45:02 Like where? I'm not locked into all of them. You're doing clubs. I'm doing clubs. I'm doing clubs two Friday, two Saturday shows to work out my hour. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Got a good amount of time.

Starting point is 00:45:11 That's great. But are you going to film it? Don't be that guy. What's that guy? Erigate. What you just did was erigate. No, I just said, are you going to film it? Did that seem like it?

Starting point is 00:45:20 You know I don't have the technology or the equipment to do that. All right, so don't be that guy right now. You don't have to record your- Shut the fuck up. What? You can just have someone record it for you. Do you see what you're doing here?

Starting point is 00:45:30 I'm asking you a simple question. Are you gonna be filming an hour at the end of this run? I'm doing one weekend. I thought you were gonna start doing shows on your own. Yeah, I got one weekend. Yeah, you've won in the books now. That's it. Short run.

Starting point is 00:45:42 Just short run. That is equivalent to the amount of running you would actually do. A little quick jaunt. You know the honest truth is I prefer staying in town. I like doing his shows. I like being around my friends. I like being in town. Yeah I do. Is Goop also a comedian? He used to be. He was and he's going to get back into it at any moment. We can feel it. Because you gotta get ready for Long Beach. I can't I will die I barely made it to here buddy. No you have to do it You're going you're going up on stage at Long Beach. No, it's not even that big of a deal. It's like 5,000 people

Starting point is 00:46:17 It's a 5,000. It's like a baby. It's way less than 800. You're doing it too. You know that right? Huh? Oh, yeah Yeah, you're coming out. You're coming out. I can't do that one, please and yeah, you do doing it too you know that right huh oh yeah yeah you're coming out you're coming out I can't do that one please and yeah you do yeah you do I can't I can't why why can't you do it because I'm why you do it because I'm one of these away from a heart attack oh you're not you're not doing it no stop living in fear no bad friends has no room for fear it's it's next week it's next week you have plenty of time I know I literally almost died today and I'm gonna die tomorrow do you're not gonna and I'm going to die tomorrow too. You're not going to die.

Starting point is 00:46:47 I'm going to die. I promise. You don't have a choice to. Literally anyone after this. Literally don't have a choice. I need more time. I need time. You'll never call us again. I need time. Can I share a video too?

Starting point is 00:46:55 Yeah, please. Yeah, yeah, go. This is something I want you to be a... Rudy texted to me. Rudy texted to Carlos. This is something I want your judgment on, Bobby, because you're somebody that is into fighting. You love professional fighting. I love fighting.

Starting point is 00:47:05 And I want you to take a look at this fight here and tell me if this is a fair fight. Yeah. So far, pretty good. Pretty good fight. Pretty good fight so far. And it's mostly kicks, which is strange. No one's gonna punch. Not one punch has been thrown.

Starting point is 00:47:22 No shoulder shot. You can do a shoulder shot. Yeah. No arm barring going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. No takedowns. I think takedowns that have to pause it. Yeah. If you're just listening, we're watching a video of two men fight without any arms in the cage. And it is pretty remarkable.

Starting point is 00:47:38 And pretty good kicks going in. No head kicks though. Yeah. Now, do you think you need an arm to get all the way up to... You know what I would... Wait, look at one. Look at this, ready? And? And the winner is...

Starting point is 00:47:48 Get your arms up there. You know what I like to see? You know what I like to see? The two leg guy fight, you know what I mean? A two arm guy. I would rather see a fight with two guys without legs. It would be way doper to me. But can you- yeah, that'd be cool.

Starting point is 00:48:05 Just two guys with just big arms, no legs. Yeah, that'd be cool. Just going at it. Yeah. Stumptown. What's this video that you sent? What is this? Let's see what this is.

Starting point is 00:48:15 Yeah, Bobby, you're in the Australian news. We made the Australian news? Oh, wow. No, I'm in it. You sent this? I sent it. No, let's see it. Bobby Lee, who gets an instant reality checked when he claims that Korea

Starting point is 00:48:28 didn't oppress people or have slavery. But some societies like Koreans, they might have a God complex, but they don't have a history of oppression, oppressing another group of people. Each other. Are you out of your mind? What? What do you mean? You don't think Asians had f***ed? They didn't oppress? Koreans didn't have slaves.

Starting point is 00:48:49 We didn't fly... Did Koreans have slaves? Yeah, Google that. Yeah, because I think that's f***ing wrong. Docs laugh. Somebody built them pyramids. It wasn't just somebody like you. Pyramids.

Starting point is 00:48:58 Korea had the longest and broken chain of... We miss that. Korea had the longest and broken chain of slavery of any society in history Expanding 1500 years Do my eyes are blurry I want to read it. All right, I want to get close. All right, Korea Had the longest Of slavery the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society in history.

Starting point is 00:49:25 Holy s**t. You guys are s**t. Scumbags. I just love that. He's not a lefty, by the way. I'm not sure where he is on the political spectrum, but that was hilarious. Now, to a lefty losing it in lefty heartland. This is weird. This is Sky News. It's not like Fox News. It's like Sky News but she's doing lefty's... She's probably a lefty commentator. A righty commentator. She must be. But Sky News,

Starting point is 00:49:56 I thought was one of these kind of apolitical news thing, right? We made it onto the news in Australia. I know. Incredible. Fucking rad. Yeah. Wait till we go down there and play those shows. Yeah. Maybe we'll make the news again, mate. Yeah. And you made her laugh. Look at you.

Starting point is 00:50:10 She was laughing. Yeah. She was laughing at you. Guess what? Yeah. I make a lot of people laugh. That's right, Goop. That's right, Goop.

Starting point is 00:50:17 We make a lot of people laugh. What's this, Rudy? And guess what? Next week in Long Beach? You're gonna make a lot of people laugh. You're gonna make a lot of people laugh. That's true. Whether you like it or not.

Starting point is 00:50:25 That's way too sad. Oh God, Rudy, what is this? Is this a real belute? Is this belute? Mm-hmm. Oh my God. Oh my God. God.

Starting point is 00:50:34 I'm actually gonna throw up because I can smell it from here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it playing with? It's brother? Is that another one in there? Oh my God, that's... Oh my God another one in there? Oh my god that's- Oh my god. So you'll just eat that. Yeah. I'm gonna throw up, turn it off. Yeah, yeah. But I've been craving that. Yeah, I- you know what? That's why we'll deport you. You're

Starting point is 00:50:53 deporting. You're getting deported. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's insane. You're 100% getting deported. Wait, can I share also my other craving? It's like this dried fish, but how they do it is they ferment it as long as possible until you get worms out of it Till it gets infected. Yeah, well they say once you have the worms it's like it's a little bit all the bacteria So it's maggots. Yeah maggots and Then you take out all the maggots and then you eat it and you put tomato sauce and everything you need tomato sauce Yeah, you definitely need the tomato sauce It's no no no it's called Dinabal yeah, but you have to spell that

Starting point is 00:51:35 T I N a B a L Dinabal But it smells like pussy Like bad But zoom on zoom in Those are worms on top of that's probably so they take it out. They take it out. This is post-maggot removal. Yeah. Yeah, wow It looks okay. No, it does not

Starting point is 00:52:03 No, it does not. No, it does not. But it's good. Okay. That's why I've been craving too. So you really miss that and belute a lot. Ten a ball. When you get back there, are those your first two meals? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:17 Yeah. That's so funny. That's like, I go back to Chicago and I just want an Italian beef and she goes back. She gets maggots. Bro, that Italian beef. Remember you gave me that? best dude you changed you know Can I say something yeah, you've changed my life in so many different ways

Starting point is 00:52:30 You change my life in so many ways no, but in terms of like foods same I'll tell you what that the Italian beef give you another one give me another one that you've inspired me Well, you tell me I don't know the eggs with the fucking baked beans. Oh My god, I would hello. I know goodbye. Hmm. Hello and, I would. Hello, I know. Goodbye. Hello and come on back. Yeah, I'm around. I love it. I love it too.

Starting point is 00:52:49 You and me have introduced me to do new dishes in Korean barbecue that I've never had before. And you've introduced me to music, Warren's Avon. Yeah. Yeah, hello. Hello. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Starting point is 00:52:59 And come back. No, not coming back? Yeah, yeah. Coming back. What else do you've given me? We've influenced each other in a wonderful, beautiful way. I love you so much, man. You're my? We've influenced each other and a wonderful beautiful. I love you so much my best friend I really do love you so much. I love you more than I love anybody and um and I meet and I mean that and I'm saying

Starting point is 00:53:11 I'm doing the podcast without me get I knew this was leading up. No, I'm not I knew is baiting. I'm not I'm not no But you do you really have you know you change my life. Yeah, who's changed your life goop So not not my least iris, but in terms of like somebody in your life. I think he was gonna say Miley. I know he was. That was very smart. Is there anybody in your life where you go,

Starting point is 00:53:31 wow, that guy, really, if I didn't meet that guy in the right time. That guy or girl changed my life. Changed your life. I like my brother. Okay. Did your brother change your life? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:40 What has he done for you that really stood out? He pushed me to go into improv and learn how to play nice with white people. And then that was the first step. And then I took Sanctuary's class. You gotta play nice with the white people. Yeah, yeah, that's where I learned. Yes, Ann.

Starting point is 00:53:57 Actually, I failed improv. They made me take it again. I took 101 twice. Look at what I got here. I'm beyond set. What is it? That's a baby. That's a you MRI. It's ultrasound ultrasound. Yeah. Well, the improv paid off. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:14 MRI. But but no, that was very nice. MRI. You say whites as if you don't appear to be a little white. Yeah, you look white, Google. What? Thank you. I'm well I'm it's not a compliment. Yeah, but I'll take anything as a compliment. Okay It's funny you that day that you did the podcast you also sent me a photo. Did you not yeah? Oh Oh, is that the goop dog? That's the goop. Okay, so by this photo we can tell you're you're not 27 Is that the Goop Dog? That's the Goop.

Starting point is 00:54:42 Okay, so by this photo, we can tell you're not 27. How? That van is from the fucking late 80s, early 90s. Yep. This is really good. Zoom in on the license plate. I wanna see the registration year. Oh.

Starting point is 00:54:57 You know what that is? What does it say? I know what that says. 84. 84. So you were born in, what is it, 78 or 79? How old is he here? What? He he's probably how old are you here? probably two

Starting point is 00:55:12 He's about six years old there no I I'm practically standing five five five five. It's three or four three or four. Yeah, give or take so You're in 1980 you were born. 1980, you were born. What a cute baby, man. Congratulations. Still a cute guy, Greg. Cute guy, we love you. But now we found out you were born in 1980. Is that, I'm trying to figure out if you guys think

Starting point is 00:55:32 I'm younger or older than I am. I'm still doing the math. You're 43. Yeah, you're 43. No, oh my God, no. No, no, no, no, I'm getting the shit out of the stick. So funny. I want to show, I want you to watch this.

Starting point is 00:55:43 So this is a guy named Charleston White who is maybe one of the most prolific comedic internet personalities I think I've ever seen in my life. And the guy in less of course is Cam Newton who's a football player. Let's hear what he's gotta say. I have a list of names described each person

Starting point is 00:56:01 using the first word that comes to mind. Will Smith. Gay. to mind. Will Smith. Gay. Jada Pinkett Smith. Fucked up, bitch. How would you approach a woman like Brittany? Oh. You got to have a little rough.

Starting point is 00:56:22 You got to be a dominant man to deal with Britney. Britney runner. When you say rough, you're not talking about domestic violence. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's what you have. Pause it. So what do you think about Charleston's answers there?

Starting point is 00:56:39 Is every relation need someone, one of the two people need to get they ass whooped? Is this Cat Williams' nephew? No, no. This is Charleston White, baby. He is his own entity. Do you think in a relationship, there needs to be one person who needs to get they-ass-whooped?

Starting point is 00:56:53 How do you feel? How do you feel, Goop? No. No, no ass- Not in a relationship that's willing, if you guys are in it. Will you ever hit as a kid? I'll answer that please

Starting point is 00:57:15 Goob where you struck as a child did your head did your dad hit you? To be continued, which is the camera? They're all there to be continued cameras. Okay. Oh, you were there? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, that's actually that's a bad place to be continued. No, never were hit. Not no. No, no. I mean, like they weren't like, you know, abusive at all.

Starting point is 00:57:37 But they hit you. No, I had a different growing up situation because, you know, anytime they were sick of one of the kids you know like like I mentioned before like I had like three aunts and a grandmother living in one four apartments and then the house in the back so they could just you know anytime they're sick of you they just pushed you another apartment yeah they play a game it's called uh it translates loosely they the mother or whoever's sick of you will send you to someone else's house and they ask, do you have, it's called duet brahman.

Starting point is 00:58:10 Duet brahman. Yeah, which means hold this child and do not let him go. And that's how they would get little breaks from us. So then they would just pretend to look for things and then just keep us occupied, but they wouldn't hit us. That's the way it's done. I wanna play duet brahman. What's the other play duet brahman wanna play Duke Brockmaw. What's about to play Duke Brockmaw?

Starting point is 00:58:27 Like if you had a baby with your wife, you could Duke Brockmaw me. You are the baby to you. You send him over to Bobby's and... You think I would give you the baby to watch for a while just because? No, I just... I thought I would do your house. No. Okay. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:58:45 I'm not, we're not gonna play then. This Duke Rackma. It's a fun game. This is emotional sabotage. Yeah. Yeah, it's terrible. Duke Rackma's back. It's back, I mean.

Starting point is 00:58:54 That's what I meant to say. It sounds like a torture technique. No, you just basically look at cabinets forever and wait for them to find an imaginary thing. And then when it enough time has passed, then they grab any random thing in the house, say, oh, I found it. And then they send you back off to your parent.

Starting point is 00:59:08 Did you have an imaginary friend? I did. What was the magic? Out of spite. We talked about that, right? Didn't we? Did we talk about that? Shakira?

Starting point is 00:59:16 Oh no, no, she's not imaginary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's real. Yeah, no, I did have an imaginary friend and I think that it basically had a span for one day because my parents had enough. Because I cried because they sat on her and they said This is too much, but I your parents sat on your imaginary friend. Yeah, I just made a whole big thing

Starting point is 00:59:34 That's abuse that's it. That's your parents are pretty abusive. It's yeah emotionally. That's abuse What did your imaginary friend look like it was a girl? I was mad that day. I think I made her on purpose. Yeah, yeah. Human though? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know any other kinds. Yeah, yeah. No, but he means what did she look like?

Starting point is 00:59:53 Yeah, did she have like a little whore? As an imaginary friend, you can be pretty much. We only spent a day together. I wishing. You don't remember her that well. Not that good of a friend, then, huh? Not a great friend. Yeah, yeah. Imaginary great friend. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:05 Imaginary acquaintance. Yeah, yeah. Okay, where was your favorite hiding spot when you were a kid? I would hide, well, I would hide because I would have to poo, but I didn't want to poo. So I would hide behind a tree and then just like poo there. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:21 Okay, that's where you went to the bathroom. That's not hiding spot. I guess I regret asking. Not really a hiding spot. That's my hiding spot. That's where you went to the bathroom. That's not I guess I regret I really a hiding spot That's my hiding spot. That's where you pood. You don't you don't hide where you poo That's what they kept saying to me. That's the old friend. Yeah shit where you sleep, but you hide where you poo I think that's a great hiding spot Rudy Yeah, wait wait wait who gave you a present the Goop. The Goop brought fancy a present,

Starting point is 01:00:47 but not the two guys that put you on the show? Well, technically I booked him. Speaking of the mic, first of all, technically I booked him. Technically, you arrange his arrival. Right. We made the choice to put him on the show. Sure.

Starting point is 01:01:01 So that gift is ours, whatever it is. You know what now? We get an extra hundred. Oh, okay. On your shelves. Happy to discuss. Yes. No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 01:01:14 That is actually it. That's it. No, that's more of... What is it? What's the gift that you were given? Oh my God. I did it. It's OJ's book. That's very sweet. Right?

Starting point is 01:01:27 Fessions of a killer. Yeah. We know. No. Yeah, that was for what he said at the end of the last podcast. What do you say? Well, because we blamed him for killing his whole family. Yeah. But you really didn't kill your family. No. No. No. Okay. No. You don't have a violent streak in you, do you? No. No. Have, you have a violent streak in you. Do you know? No, no you ever killed anything Not even a not a bug spider Well, I see I won't kill it

Starting point is 01:01:52 But I kind of if I there is a bug that I don't want there then like what happens how to tell someone else to do it Come kill this please. Yeah, but you live alone. So who's gonna come kill it now? Well, my dad used to live up there. So now I have no idea I'm gonna have to be a baby ghost. I Hope so. Oh your dad's ghost. You believe in good ghost. You believe in ghosts, right? I Try not to I think I have enough to believe in Honestly, okay. Yeah, I would watch a show called Goop's ghosts where he's a ghost hunter. Oh my god Be amazing. You'd have to quietly eat chips while you're hunting though. You don't want to scare the ghosts

Starting point is 01:02:24 Oh, yeah, they'll find me for sure. Put the chips down. You'd have to quietly eat chips while you're hunting though. You don't want to scare the ghosts. They'll find me for sure. Put the chips down maybe. No, no, no, no. It's been an hour of it. Yeah, it's an hour of you holding that. So Goop, you know what you're in for? You're coming to Long Beach and you're doing the show.

Starting point is 01:02:36 No. Yeah. Go ahead and tell everyone thanks for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend. Smile, smile. You're the one that's getting naked. You're getting naked. You're getting naked.

Starting point is 01:02:44 You're getting naked. You're getting naked. You're getting naked. You're getting naked. friend You're a robo-painter!

Bad Friends - Rudy & The Goop

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.