Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend - Jimmy Carr
Episode Date: April 22, 2024Comedian Jimmy Carr feels contractually obliged about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Jimmy sits down with Conan to discuss why now is a better time than ever to be in stand-up, developing his sign...ature comedic style, workshopping new material on the road, and what Dunbar’s number tells us about the origins of comedy. Jimmy Carr returns to Netflix with his latest stand-up special Jimmy Carr: Natural Born Killer out now. Jimmy’s brand-new international tour Jimmy Carr: Laughs Funny is on sale now. For tickets and info visit jimmycarr.comWebsite: https://www.jimmycarr.comYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@jimmycarrInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/jimmycarrThreads: https://www.threads.net/@jimmycarr For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello, my name is Jimmy Carr and I feel contractually obliged about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Hey there.
Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
Things are a little different today.
Let me explain. We're all in different places.
You see, I am in New York City and I'm here doing
some promotional work for my new show, Conan O'Brien Must Go.
Meanwhile, Matt Gorley,
you are in Pasadena, California, is that right?
That's correct.
Sona, we have no idea where you are.
Where's your house? Is it in, where is it?
It's in Alta Dena. it's north of Pasadena.
You've been here, it's not that far.
Well, I have been there and it's very far, let's just say.
I had to stop and switch out cars.
It was such a long drive.
What does that mean?
And at one point on my third car,
I just shot the car in the hood,
cause it was steaming.
You had to have a pit crew just to get there.
Exactly.
I had provisions, I had stashed water
a couple of days before along the route.
But anyway, Sona, I'm not trying to...
Did you say you shot the car, like you hit a horse,
who's like, leg is broken?
Yeah, there was steam coming out of the hood.
It was a 1977 Plymouth Valiant,
and I just took out a.38 and put a bullet right through the engine.
But that's not the point. The point is that you live very far away,
but I'm happy for you, Sonya, you have a lovely home.
Once you get there, it's beautiful.
Matt, Pasadena, Sona, Altadena, Conan O'Brien
here at the SiriusXM Studios
right here in the heart of Manhattan.
And Matt, you seemed a little stressed.
We're all connected via Zoom.
You seemed a little stressed when you got on.
What's going on in your house that's upsetting you?
Yeah, if you're watching the video of this,
you can see that my office is in pure upheaval
because I have these built-in storage benches
and I'm clearing them out for garage conversion
and there's a live rat in there as we speak.
Is this a pet of yours?
What do you mean there's a live rat?
No, it's not a pet.
This is an invader.
This is a hostile little piece of vermin and it's big.
I don't have any traps and I don't know
what I'm supposed to do other than get on a Zoom
with you guys and do some podcasting.
Okay, well, when was the last time
you actually had eyes on the rat?
About 10 minutes ago.
You're kidding.
No, and it was here yesterday too.
And I thought, oh, for sure it's gone.
Cause if it can get in, it can get out,
but it's still in these storage benches.
They're built in.
So it's like encased.
Did you only find this rat?
Cause you were cleaning it out.
Cause was it just living there peacefully?
And you sort of just came in and I mean,
I feel like squatters rights.
Maybe because I think there's been a whole colony here
judging by the rat droppings and all my,
oh wait, look, hold on.
Now I'm imagining there's like,
you opened up this cupboard
and it has little rat furniture.
Like it has a little rat couch and a little rat.
It's got a little television that it watches.
These are my notes, the Conan podcast notes.
Oh my God.
That are all chewed up.
It ate the podcast notes
and then was turning them into a nest.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
The thing is, you realize you can't now go
to the hardware store and get a rat trap
because we're gonna have a lot of listeners
that are now worried about the rat.
We've made the rat human-like, you know?
It's too late.
I've already ordered two rat traps.
No, you can't.
They're smart rat traps that alert your phone
when you get one.
What is a smart rat trap?
The rat goes in and then it has to take an LSAT.
And it has to get over 1,400 to get out.
I'm scrambling here.
You love that one.
Oh my God, I crack myself up.
God, I enjoy Conan O'Brien.
He's good.
Oh wait, I'm him.
Well, must be nice.
What a treat for me.
Must be nice.
What a treat for me.
Yeah, well anyway, well, Gourley,
I'm very sorry about the rat.
I honestly don't think you can,
you can't kill the rat.
You have to catch the rat and release it because-
Or should it just become like a pet
and the mascot of this show?
It should, that's not the podcast rat.
I'll bring it into the studio.
It is kind of cute.
I don't want a rat.
I don't want a rat, Matt.
We can't think of anything cooler than a rat.
Oh, please.
What about like, you know-
We've worked with worse, Sona.
Yeah, you go to war with the army you got,
not the army you want, you know?
A wolf. Can't we be the Conan O'Brien wolves?
Nope.
No, we're gonna-
Or the rats?
We're gonna make a flag that has this rat on it.
Come on.
And he's sitting on a little rat love seat
that he has in his little rat house.
Yeah, you just catch and release, that's all.
Maybe, you know what I would do?
Catch the rat, make sure he's in some kind of cage
and has some food, and then drive him the three days to Altadena. Come on. catch and release, that's all. Maybe, you know what I would do? Catch the rat, make sure he's in some kind of cage
and has some food, and then drive him the three days
to Alta Dina.
Come on!
Release him there, he'll never make his way back
to Pasadena, what's he gonna do, hitchhike?
You know, they won't let him on an airplane.
So anyway, I won that round.
Hitchhike on an airplane.
Yeah, cause it's so far.
Anyway, pretty good joke.
Oh, stupid, stupid joke. Oh, see ya.
Stupid joke.
I'm giving myself.
Hey, so we're all in different places,
but I think we can unite in the introduction
of our guest today, can we not?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Are you okay, Matt?
Matt, you are really phoning it in.
You just said, uh-huh, as you took a drink from a straw.
You're not, you are giving about 2% right now,
as opposed to your normal 11%.
It's a shocking, shocking drop.
I've got a rat in this torn apart office.
I've got a whole suite of kitchen appliances
that are probably gonna arrive while we're recording.
I just, I'm wearing pajamas.
I'm just not at my best right now.
Also, I'm gonna say this, the tone of your voice,
have you noticed it, Sona?
He sounds like he's about to break.
Yeah, he's on the edge.
I hear it too.
There's a little bit something in the tone of your voice
because you're usually so zen and you sound,
this rat has you on the ropes.
This rat has broken you.
Because I was down in this bench
with my head and hands down there
and then this thing appeared.
And it's funny, someone could hand me a pet rat
and I'd be fine with it,
but an invader like that, you just freak out.
Well, of course, cause he didn't introduce himself.
You didn't get a chance to meet at the pet store.
There was no agreement.
Suddenly the rats just there.
Do you know what I mean?
Did you see it?
Did you guys lock eyes?
Yes, I've seen it multiple times.
Yes, he's seen it.
I could probably see it now.
He's taunting you.
Oh my God.
It's big.
And you know what?
I bet he listens to the podcast.
And so he's, that's what probably attracted him
is he's a podcast fan and he wanted to know.
He ripped up all the notes.
Yeah.
So I think he hates them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're right.
He hates this podcast so much,
he came just to tear up the notes.
He wants to erase it from history.
Yeah.
Well, you can't say this rat is wrong.
He's a big Rogan rat, that's why.
All right, let's get into it.
My guest today is a hilarious comedian
whose latest special, Jimmy Carr, natural killer, is now streaming on Netflix.
He's also going on a brand new international tour.
Jimmy Carr laughs funny,
and tickets are available at jimmycar.com.
I really like this gentleman.
Jimmy Carr, welcome.
Jimmy Carr, welcome. You and I have long been enemies.
We should just come out with that right now.
I think it's best for the listeners, otherwise they're just going to pick up this weird
energy.
But yes, we are foes.
I'd love to have a nemesis, wouldn't you?
You know what, I want to have you.
No one's got a nemesis these days.
I want nema-see.
I want more than one nema-sai.
It feels like you were in a world though. You know what, I want to have... You don't... no one's got a nemesis these days. I want nema-see. I want more than one nema-sai.
It feels like you were in a world though.
There was that period of late night.
Yes.
Where it was possible to have... there were rivals in this late night world.
Yes!
God bless you, thank you!
That you did really have kind of a nemesis.
Yes, yes.
And now there's this... I talked to the other late night host, of course I got out of that
game.
But I talked to the other host...
You got out of it?
Yes. Well, I mean, you were okay, let's, let's, yeah.
Let's go with that.
Let's go with that.
If it was your podcast.
When I say got out of it,
Yeah.
What I mean was-
Shortly after they asked you to leave, you left.
They edged me out.
They squeezed me out.
Yeah.
They said, you're to be out of here within a month
or we're coming after you.
And we know some bad people.
So yes, I was chased-
It was kind of an incredible career in Late Night though,
because I remember that thing of like reading that book
and being really excited about Late Night,
because for me, it's so glamorous and so far away,
but to read about it, and that idea
that you were sort of doing it,
and you'd be put into this position as a writer,
and then suddenly gone, they'd seen something in you
and gone, incredible sort of performer.
Something that you don't see that no one's seen since.
Yeah, it was just a flash for a second.
We all saw some talent.
Later they put their glasses on.
Hang on a second.
They put their glasses on later and said,
oh, we're sorry, we thought we saw something in you.
But it's an extraordinary thing because,
and then it just, that thing about you thought
you were gonna go after two weeks,
and then it was 30 years later.
You're still a huge part of the culture.
It's really exciting.
Well, thank you.
I managed you.
You backed into a compliment.
I love it.
Accidentally.
You were backing up in a supermarket
and you backed into a whole bunch of tomato cans
of compliment sauce and toppled them over.
But either way, you backed into a compliment
and I'll take it, James Algenon car.
We're going with Algenon, yeah.
I'm gonna keep giving you different middle names.
Okay.
But let me-
And they're all gonna sound like a stomach issue.
No, but can I say something?
Jimmy, there's this, you are correct.
You're so wise.
There's this, there was this era where all the late night hosts,
they, we didn't call each other up.
We didn't talk to each other.
There were very few of us,
and everyone had their little fiefdom, and we were constantly peering over our stone walls call each other up, we didn't talk to each other. There were very few of us and everyone had their little fiefdom
and we were constantly peering over our stone walls at each other.
Do you know what I find weird about that?
You're not allowed to talk on your interview.
LAUGHTER
It's the opposite of stand-up comedy.
Alan Hayvey said this wonderful thing to me.
He's an older guy, he was in Mad Med, you might have seen him.
Grey hair, Jackson...
Of course, Alan Hayvey, very funny man.
He's incredible.
But he said this thing to me about comedy.
He said, we're out for ourselves, but in it together.
Yes.
That standout world of going,
you escape competition through authenticity.
No one else can beat you at being you.
And it strikes me that the late night hosts
were all the same and they just couldn't see that.
No one had told them, oh, you can all be friends.
There's nothing you can do, the Letterman can do,
and Jay Leno can't do what you do.
And it was such a different skill set,
but no one told you that.
You could all be friends.
You could have gone out for drinks every night.
Yeah, but it wouldn't have happened.
The personalities were not such
that people would be going out for drinks together.
It was a different time, and I won't get into specifics,
but it wasn't gonna happen.
Now, all I hear when I talk to these hosts
is we just all went out to a cheesecake factory together
and then high-fived each other and split the bill evenly.
And they have a podcast together.
They did during the strike.
They did.
They're in a strike.
They're all chums.
They all hang out together at the same spawn, get rubdowns together, which I find a little
suspicious.
Only I'm not having it.
Back when you were straight out of Hell's Kitchen, you were carrying a knife at all
times.
Yes. Yes. I was one of the plug uglies. I was from a dangerous street gang in Hell's Kitchen. You were carrying a knife at all times. Yes, yes.
I was one of the plug uglies.
I was from a dangerous street gang in Hell's Kitchen.
How did you get the job?
You got jumped in to Late Night, right?
Yes.
You jumped in, you were to assault an older host.
Yes.
I was walking down the street, minding my own business,
a van pulls up, and a bunch of guys,
and it really was like they had the little razors
in their boyo caps. Of course their big peaky blinders and they came
out and they said oh show for you don't be up don't be mad about my accent no I
love I love the active very accurate yes we'll give you a nick and then the next
thing you know at a late night show someone's tell me how to I'm Irish
obviously as a as a unit Which I didn't know.
In a cultural appropriation way.
You grew up in England, but you're-
I grew up in England, but I'm first generation immigrant
to England, so my parents were from Limerick,
and then they moved to a place called Slough,
so there's something about shit towns
they very much enjoy.
Exactly.
One to another.
I got taught recently, though, I got taught by
how to do a proper Dublin accent.
Oh, you did?
Proper Dublin accent by Bono no less.
There's a name drop.
Oh there you go.
So you've just got to sound deaf.
If you want to sound like you're from the north side
of Dublin, just sound deaf.
Sorry, sorry.
I can hear you but it doesn't sound like I can hear you.
And you sound a little bit deaf
and that's very north side of Dublin.
You reckon me buzz.
And also to pick up the phone, if like real north side of Dublin, you reckon me buzz? And also, to pick up the phone,
if like real North side of Dublin be, story.
No hello, no anything, story.
Story.
What's the story?
You know what they also say in Dublin,
I was just there, fair play.
Oh, fair play to you.
Yeah, 1500.
Fair play to you means,
and I was kind of trying to figure out what that means,
but you'd say something like anything.
I would just say, I thought it was gonna rain, but it didn't,
so I'll put my umbrella away.
Fair, fair pleasure.
Fair pleasure.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
It's just a filler there.
I know.
Everyone's just trying to get to the grave.
Yeah, what else?
What?
What else can they say?
I wanna back up because so far we've talked a lot.
We've covered nothing.
We've said nothing.
And I feel that that's on me, but also more on you.
Jimmy, I want to instruct the listener right now
that I had you on my late night program seven times.
You did stand up seven times.
And had you on a bunch because A, you were available,
but B, I adored you.
You're very, you're terrific.
You have a terrific mind.
And as you say, there was nobody like you. There is nobodyored you. You're very, you're terrific. You have a terrific mind. And as you say, there was nobody like you.
There is nobody like you.
You have a very specific style.
Great, great jokes, like little diamond nuggets,
your jokes.
But then-
I'll take it.
Your delivery.
Oh, yes.
I always enjoyed your delivery.
I knew there was something.
No, no, no, no.
I loved your delivery because you would deliver the joke
and then your head would slightly retreat
and you'd look around as if you weren't part
of what you just said.
And it had this nice, I mean, I used to try and do you.
You'd be on the show and afterwards I'd be,
for my writers, trying to do Jimmy Carr.
And I can't, but I'd say something
and then slightly retreat with wide eyes
and look around as if you were innocent of what was just said.
My friend Sean Locker used to call me on that
because I'd say something terrible,
like a terrible joke, like awful,
the worst thing you could think of
about a dark subject matter.
And then I'd look at the audience like,
what, why are you, why is everyone upset?
Yeah.
What, how could you, what, it wasn't me.
What are you looking at?
I was in my flat having a bath.
Why am I being, I said flat for your sake.
Thank you.
But-
That's apartment summer.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Okay, anyway.
Thank you.
So I was on the show seven times and then it was canceled.
So we can link those two events.
I was not canceled.
What?
That's ridiculous.
You don't have your facts.
How dare you?
No, you don't have your facts correct.
So we can straighten that out later,
but no one ever cancels Conan O'Brien. Is it still on? Which one? The TBS show? No, you don't have your facts correct. So we can straighten that out later, but no one ever cancels Conan O'Brien.
Is it still on?
Which one?
The TBS show?
No, no, I-
Well, there you go then.
Oh, so you think because my show ended that it was canceled?
Yes.
How dare you?
Yes, I love it.
You love that, Sona?
I love that being the narrative.
All right, well, you know what?
I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah, you got canceled.
Yes, what happened was about two and a half years ago,
I started, I think my conduct became
very inappropriate on the air.
Okay.
Remember?
I did that show.
A lot of people haven't spoken about this openly,
but yes, they did.
I did a show, we did a theme show
where I wasn't wearing any clothes from the waist down.
You were canceled in both ways,
the show and as like socially as a human.
Yes, yeah.
And three ways, cause my wife as like socially as a human. Yes, yeah. And three ways,
cause my wife refuses to even see me now.
She looks past me and sees things.
But no, listen-
This is how rumors start by the way.
I know, and this is your fault.
Someone's gonna clip this up and go,
do you know he was inappropriate on the-
I did 28 years in late night
and then I gracefully dismounted into this podcast,
which you don't clearly seem to be aware.
This is massive, this podcast.
This is a massive podcast.
Tell him, tell him.
It's all right.
Ah, he deflated you.
You would think more would go into it.
No, I found that by doing less, you do more.
The less you put into something, the more you get.
That's what I figured out.
I used to work so hard on those early late night shows.
It's clearly I was wrong.
This is the way to go.
I'm a big fan of that whole stoic thing
of like doing less better.
Yes.
Just do one thing.
Just, what are you good at?
You're good at talking.
What's the podcast?
It's just talking.
Just talking.
It's just that.
They gave me all this information on you.
I haven't read it.
I'm not even quite-
I can't read.
I can. Or tell time. quite- I can't read. I can.
Or tell time.
Fit your shapes to me.
I wanted to know as little about you as possible.
In fact, I had trouble making you out
when I first came into the-
I could tell you anything.
I'm sort of an expert.
I know a lot of the trivia.
We're gonna have, I swear to God,
I'm gonna start a linear conversation at some point
and it starts now,
and then it's gonna last for exactly 40 seconds.
I've really enjoyed your standup,
had you on the show many times,
and you've made these programs for Netflix,
these standup specials, I believe,
is this correct, that you were the first?
I think the first UK.
I think that we're just kind of expanding.
I mean, the incredible thing about Netflix
is it really has been, stand-up's very new
anyway, really as a medium.
And it's a great American medium.
If you think about what America's given the world, jazz, the Western, stand-up comedy.
And stand-up comedy was the last of them.
It was really, I think you can trace it back to, you can obviously trace it back to trickster
gods back in ancient times.
But really, Carlin and Pryor are the other kind of where most people go to and
then you go they were John the Baptist and then everyone since has just been standing
on their shoulders.
Yes.
And it's kind of it's a very exciting medium and then Netflix came along and thanks to
Ted Sarandos and he's kind of love of stand up.
It feels like the world now has opened up like I've done 45 countries on the tour.
It's incredible.
You go anywhere in the world and English has become, I think people speak better English now
because of YouTube and Netflix than they ever used to.
I've really noticed a difference.
It's extraordinary really.
Great time to be in standup.
I will tell you that one of the things
that I love about streaming is I watch a lot
of UK comedians now.
I watch comedians actually from all over the world now,
but I also watch television shows, mysteries.
I'm very used to, I'm very happy to watch shows
that aren't even in English.
It is kind of extraordinary, that thing that's happened,
which I don't think anyone in media saw coming.
No one saw podcasts coming.
No one thought podcasts were gonna be a huge thing,
that there was a gap in the market that people,
because people's attention spans,
you talk to most people, they go,
people's attention spans are getting shorter,
and it's all about TikTok.
And you go, yeah, for nonsense, it's shorter,
but for good stuff, it's longer.
If like there's Game of Thrones and it's 60 hours long,
you go, or Breaking Bad, yeah, great.
I'll watch 60 hours of that.
I've got a huge attention span for it
because it's brilliant.
Or a podcast where people are having a long conversation,
you feel engaged.
It's fantastic.
For all those years that you would come on my show
and do standup, I loved it, but I never got to know you.
And what I enjoy so much about this format,
after doing, I loved the other format.
Until, of course, in your vernacular, I was chased out.
But, me too, let's just call it me too.
Yeah.
Let's call it me too, and just get it done's call it me-toot and just get it done,
get it out there.
Sona, was it you?
Yeah, it was me.
You're still working with him?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, hey, it's a good living.
I talked to every single outlet.
I was like, he's a monster.
He's awful.
She's the only person who called in a me-toot
and then continued to work for me and got it raised.
Incredibly handsy.
He was in the executive washing,
Yes, but touching genitals.
In my defense.
His own, but still.
I am.
I'm very handsy, but primarily with myself.
I'm constantly all over me.
That's somehow worse.
And I've had it with this.
I've had it with this treatment.
You me-tued yourself.
I got a restraining order against myself.
You got an eye-tude.
Yeah. I got me-tued yourself. I got a restraining order against myself. You got an eye-tude. Yeah.
I got eye-tude.
Yeah.
["The New York Times"]
You did panel on the show once, which I thoroughly enjoyed,
but we never could have done this.
But isn't that a wonderful thing that you kind of go to?
It's a different format, and it's kind of, it's more,
I think it's kind of more
authentic. I mean the great thing about late night it's such a perfect medium
it's again it's so American it's so kind of glamorous to me to go on those shows
it's such a privilege to do them but it's that thing I'm quite close with
James Corden and Ben Winston who produces him and you kind of go
chatting to those guys you realize late night talk shows the the the kind of the
whole thing is let's try not to
have a conversation. Let's keep the games going and something else happening rather than actually,
you don't want to have a late night discussion program. Whereas these, it's all about conversation.
It's really, it's lovely. Yeah. And what I have found is people come up to me all the time,
and not just in the United States, but around the world, and they'll tell me, oh, I was just listening to you
on the podcast, and they really have a flavor
for my relationship with Sona and with Matt.
They can kind of, I mean, I'll hear about this.
They can sense you hold them in contempt, yeah.
Well, yeah, oh, absolutely.
Oh, I am contemptuous.
That comes across.
Yes, definitely.
Yes, day one.
Open about it.
Well, please.
Come on. Will you help me? Please help me. I don't know how I can help. I'm Well, please, come on.
Will you help me? I don't know how I can help.
I'm seeing Mark Maron later on.
Are you being kept for parts?
It feels, can you smuggle me out of here?
It feels like Mark Maron's just got you,
sort of, you're just holding some kidneys
but if anything happens.
He is here because I need a spleen.
And you know what, he was hired
because he's a direct blood match for me.
So this is basically an organ bag.
I'm just all stem cells.
This is my, this is.
His whole stem cells.
This is my organ bag.
Yeah.
And organ bag, Matt Corley.
Matt, how are you?
How are you feeling by the way, Matt?
I'm all messed up.
I'm all messed up.
I get very upset when he goes out drinking Matt Gurley, Matt, how are you? How are you feeling, by the way, Matt? I'm all over the place. I'm all over the place.
I get very upset when he goes out drinking
because those are my organs he's fucking with.
I'm trying to kill you.
Okay, I must know more about you because I'm curious,
a lot of my favorite people in comedy,
it's rare that I talk to somebody who I really like,
who just knew when they were very young
and got started very young.
A lot of us, myself included,
we were interested in it,
but didn't quite know how to attack it.
You were a bit of a late bloomer.
I think, yeah, for comedy,
I didn't start comedy till I was about maybe 25, 26.
Yeah.
So I had a proper job first,
which is, it's very useful in show business.
I think if you go straight from school into showb biz, then it's very difficult to be grateful.
It's very difficult to appreciate how great it is.
And how kind of, how fun life is just kind of messing around.
And your previous job was working for an oil company.
Like a big oil company, yeah.
So that was good.
Yeah.
That was good.
You've never looked back once.
You never attempted to go.
Those guys, yeah, they're still doing great, right?
I haven't looked in on them recently,
but I imagine they're doing great.
Can I ask you something?
Until Mother Earth says her safe word,
we can keep screwing her, right?
Is that not right?
Oh no.
I don't know much about environmentalism,
but I know a thing or two about BDSM,
and I'm pretty sure.
I'm picturing now Earth with a ball gag in his mouth.
Oh no.
Until Earth says its safe word.
Yeah, we're gonna take it right up to the line.
I think we did that a while ago.
So yeah, came to it late.
I think the thing with comics,
I mean, I don't know what your go-to is.
When I meet sort of comics that I've met before,
if we're in a car ride or whatever, green room,
my question is always, which of your parents was sick?
That's my, I always think there's one parent
that was either physically or mentally sick
and you had to be the thermostat for mood.
And then the pathology of most comedians I know
and most comedians that I love is they have to be able
to change the thermostat of mood in a room.
Because really when you think about what we do in a room
is you come in and you change the, we're drug dealers, we're dopamine and serotonin.
Those are the two drugs we're dealing in.
So that constant surprise,
if you don't quite know where the joke is coming,
you know there's a joke, but you don't know when,
and then the serotonin or the feel good, it's great.
And they'll never take me alive
because the drugs are already on you.
Right, sick is a big word.
And so I don't know if I'd be prepared
to say that in my experience,
but what I will say is that
there's a sensitivity to wanting everyone
in the room to be okay.
As you say, being the thermostat,
so if something's off or if someone's unhappy
or if there's any sort of, you know,
repeated unhappiness that runs along,
you wanna try and lift that mood.
So that's where that, it's a little bit of,
it's a magical trick.
The-
Oh, we went serious there, didn't we?
No, no, don't worry.
We'll take all that out.
After you're gone, I'm gonna do 20 minutes of berating you
and that will be inserted.
And we'll just use defensive squeaks for your voice.
Okay.
And people will say, well, you know,
Conor really got the best of Jimmy there, didn't he?
If you're interested, the insertion was the reason he was me-toed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and your style is these, as I said, there are comedians that tell stories,
they find their way to the laughs here and there
on their journey, and that is not you.
No, I was always, my love language is the one-liner.
I'm trying to develop something, I mean, in the new special,
I'm trying to develop some longer stories and so on,
because I've got a good fastball,
but I don't have much in the bag.
I wanted to kind of develop a little bit.
So I really kind of made a decision a couple of years ago,
try different things.
Or I try different styles, try different, you know,
try and mix it, which I've kind of done a little bit,
but it's, I was very influenced by Steven Wright
and Nemo Phillips and Rita Rudner
and all those kind of great gag to gag comics.
I don't know, I think there's something wonderful about that.
You're not wasting anyone's time on stage.
Oh my God, I mean, I remember just being in-
Knocking out the hits, laugh to laugh.
When I was a teenager and seeing Stephen Wright
and just the jokes, they felt like little jewels.
Like, you know, they just, they were dense
and they were so smart and he would just keep handing them out.
And you felt like this guy is holding a sack of rubies and he just keeps taking them out and you felt like this is, this guy is holding a sack of rubies
and he just keeps taking them out
and passing them to the audience.
That's how it felt to me.
Yeah, I remember seeing him just being blown away by-
Yeah, the power of his intellect
and then his delivery was so self-assured
and also very much nothing special happening here.
I'm just a guy talking.
Yeah. And then these amazing, so he influenced you.
Oh, you said, Emo Phillips as well,
I don't think gets quite.
Emo I think was bigger in the UK in the 80s
than he was here.
He was quite a big deal.
Yeah.
He was great.
Yeah, but then I loved all the stuff like Billy Connolly,
I love Bill Hicks, but in the end,
your sense of humor chooses you.
I think what you laugh at is kind of,
it's very exposing.
And I like kind of dark stuff,
and I like short one-liners,
and that's what I can kind of go to very easily.
But it's weird, you don't,
like, if I was making a plan at the beginning of my career,
I would have been a storyteller,
because I only need five ideas to fill an hour.
Brilliant.
I would have been much more cost-effective.
Whereas I'm running about 300 jokes in an hour.
It's a lot of work.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, it's easier to build from Lego than marble.
Let's call it what it is.
Also easier to change your mind.
You just detach that piece, the yellow piece, and put in the blue piece.
Well, it's a lot of beta testing.
It's a lot of, you know, in my act, it's a lot of, oh, is that word better than that
word?
Well, I'll try a different way tonight, different way tonight, different way tonight,
trying new stuff all the time.
So you're constantly kind of writing.
So now we get to this other issue,
which is you do a Netflix special,
and unlike 70 years ago,
when you could then tour with that act
for 15 years on Vaudeville,
or actually some people would have a really good
hour and a half and they would,
or hour and 15 minutes,
and they would tour with it for 50 years,
because that was their act.
It's an amazing footage of these guys called
Morkham and Wise.
Yes, I know Morkham and Wise.
UK double act, and it's them at the Croydon Fairfield halls
where I get to play, and it's them doing their hour.
And they never put it on TV.
They were huge TV stars, and they never put it on TV.
They just recorded it once.
It's like one shot of them doing it.
But it's a perfect, volvillian hour.
It's gorgeous.
No, I mean, as soon as the Netflix thing drops,
I've got one day off and then I start the new tour.
Okay, so this is what's incredible,
is you do the Netflix thing and then that's out.
Then there's the sense that,
is there the sense that I have got to
reinvent the wheel now?
Because-
No, but that's the stoic thing, you do it every night.
Every night of the tour, at the end of 90 minutes,
I pull out a piece of paper from my pocket,
I think I've got the one from last night,
with new jokes written on it, and I try the new jokes.
And so every night you try new stuff,
and then so at the end of a year,
let's say you do 10 jokes a night, and half of them work.
Well at the end of the year you have the new show,
and then you sort of retry them and, you know,
beat the test or whatever and you're kind of,
you're building up, you're building up, you're building up.
Then obviously you do a couple of previews
where you put it all in a row and see does it make sense
and are there, you know, too many things that are similar
or whatever, but it's there.
Do you have jokes that you tell that don't work
but you enjoy them so you keep them in?
I've got, no, not much.
I think the, I'm in the service industry.
Ultimately, we all are.
But it's, we all are.
I'm just not sure what the service is here.
We're called Time Wasters, Incorporated.
We're here to waste an hour of your fucking time, Jimmy.
To get you to the grave.
But that thing of, that thing of like,
everyone leaves this podcast calling their representation.
What was that? What was that?
I'm a busy man!
What a waste of time.
He used to be on the telly!
See, I did that for you as well.
But now he's on the talkie!
Maybe we should record this at double speed.
A lot of people listen at double speed.
I think we should start recording at double speed. A lot of people listen at double speed. I think we should start recording at double speed.
What was I talking about?
Gags, I don't know.
So testing, I write some things and I love,
I suppose it's that thing though.
The audience is a genius.
Lenny Bruce said that first, I think.
And the audience tell you what is and what isn't funny
and what is and what isn't acceptable.
And you tell the joke and sometimes
an audience just stares back at you and it's nothing.
It's very rare you can rescue one of those. Sometimes you tell a joke and sometimes it just stares back at you and it's nothing. It's very rare you can rescue one of those.
Sometimes you tell a joke and it just gets a laugh.
It's B material, it's kinda nothing.
It's never gonna make it onto a special or into a tour.
It's fine, it's joke shaped but nothing special.
If you really love it, then you go away
and you change it and you change it and you change it
until eventually it gets a big laugh.
But then it's a different joke.
But somehow you feel like, oh, it's kind of connected
to the thing I love. I knew there was something there but then it's a different joke. But somehow you feel like, oh, it's kind of connected to the thing I love.
I knew there was something there.
And sometimes it comes back years later.
Sometimes it's part of a bigger routine.
It's a weird thing when you do wordplay or puns or something,
if you just do one, it's kind of okay.
If you do two, fine.
If you do three, it's an applause break.
If you do sort of three in a row,
because it's sort of a feat.
So sometimes it's like putting those things together
where you've kind of thought of it, it's fine, but actually together with something else, it'll work.
You have to be cognizant of so much material
when you're doing your act.
Do you ever find yourself not knowing?
You know, I don't know which one goes here,
because if you say, if you do 300 jokes
and you're at number 211...
I'll tell you what the killer is.
Two shows a night.
Yeah.
The killer is two shows a night,
because halfway through the second show,
and someone's just heckled,
and you've dealt with that,
and then you go,
what the hell am I talking about?
Where are we?
I can't remember what city I'm in,
never mind what joke I'm on.
Right.
And that, I would say,
four seconds of panic is a lifetime.
And then obviously you remember.
Yeah.
You're always fine,
but there's like a moment of a, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
here we go.
It's strange because it almost feels like something
you'd need Einstein to explain, but if you're on stage,
I know exactly where I was, I was at the Beacon Theater,
because I was just back there,
and this was a number of years ago,
and I was talking, and then at one point,
and things were going great, but at one point,
I absolutely forgot not only where I was in my act,
but why I was who I was,
am I dressed, I mean, everything just went away.
And I remember-
This is your DMT story.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Why did I lick the back of a frog before walking on stage?
What was I thinking?
That's not my pre-show ritual.
I thought I'd try a new ritual.
I didn't know it was that kind of frog.
And so I, you almost feel like you've drifted
out of your body, but then you realize I can't.
There's so many people here watching.
There's whatever, 2000 people here watching,
whatever it is, I need to get back in there
and figure this shit out.
So you go through this whole journey and you do it.
And then I realized later on, if you were watching in the audience, you're watching
three seconds.
But to me, it felt like this journey to get back into myself.
It's interesting that thing of like, it's a lovely experience as well to be on stage
and to be sort of that present.
You sometimes have a moment like that, but it's kind of fine.
It's interesting that thing of like, it's a very unique experience, always kind of being
on stage.
People sort of go, I do a lot of dates on the tour and people sort of go
I need to get bored of it whatever but it always feels
Different you get to travel you get to go to different places the different audience it feels different every show
It's just kind of that it's like a unique
Experience and I always think like people don't want more time. They want more
Memories yes, and actually doing this sort of job. You just sort of you meet interesting people you chat to interesting people
It's always kind of a bit different. It's good for that
I think have you found because you you pretty much you've you travel widely you tour widely
Have you found a place where you felt?
Yeah, it doesn't work for me here or it's not the Jimmy Carr sensibility doesn't work here
Or if you found that it's it's completely universal pretty universal in terms of like, I think people that come and see me,
it's self-selecting.
Self-selecting, yeah.
So very few people would come and buy a ticket to my show
and go, oh my goodness, he's very rude, isn't he?
Why is he so rude?
Why is there so much filth in this?
Why is he talking about all the worst things?
Why can't he be nice?
He's got no singing voice, this is awful.
Like, they know what they're, at this point,
they know what they've, they've done a little bit of a Google. Right.
And come along. I mean, I always think like a good proportion of my income.
I should be very grateful for this.
But a good proportion is people that have been dragged along by their other half.
Yeah. Like, I don't know what I don't know.
But there's a percentage of my audience every night that are OK.
I guess I guess we went to the
I guess we went to the game on Saturday,
so we're doing this for you now.
Fine, fine, no, he's fine.
No, I really enjoyed it, I really enjoyed it.
Could have been shorter.
You know what I don't?
I must be get haunted by this,
but people always overshare,
and I'm very fortunate to have many people tell me
that they really enjoy my nonsense.
But invariably, there's some proportion of those people
who say, I mean, my wife, not a fan.
And of course, I'm intrigued.
Like, I want to talk to her.
I don't want to talk to the guy that likes me.
I'm more interested in talking to the person who's not.
And not only I talk to the person that doesn't like me a lot
because they come up to me in the street constantly.
A stream of people.
Can I get a photo with you?
My mom really likes you.
My brother really likes you.
My cousin is a huge fan.
It's never them.
Yeah.
I've never met anyone who's a fan of me.
It's always someone in an airport going,
can I get a picture with you?
Yeah.
Apparently you're famous, come here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, if I have to explain I'm famous,
then I guess I'm not, I'm fine with that.
You came up to me.
But at least they don't tell you they actively dislike you.
Those are the people I'm interested in.
I wanna talk to them.
Matt, let's talk.
Let me get my notes out.
Then you pull out a giant tome of reasons I hate Conan.
We live obviously in a very sensitive era
and this has not deterred you in any way.
You like to walk that line.
I don't know if that's intentional, but-
It's just my sense of humor.
It's your sense of humor.
I slightly think it's that thing where you go,
if you think about friendship, right?
What is friendship?
It's someone you talk to with no filter.
That's your best friend is a person
with the least amount of filter and work colleagues like these guys are
huge filter, right? Actually shockingly no. There's really no filter here. I don't think we have.
I don't think Sona and I have any filter. No, no. We've known each other many years.
Well that thing though, that thing of like how you make, that's how I gauge
friendship and I kind of think with stand-up comedy you go when the
audience come to see you you're acting like a friend so there's different ways
to do that there's some people are incredibly open and honest about their
lives and just let you in and that's one kind of way to you know demonstrate
friendship some people just say anything they think is funny and they don't think
oh maybe the audience won't be able to get this maybe they won't understand
it's a joke and I like to just go well this is what this is what I think's
hilarious it's a weird thing I think I think comedians are showbiz adjacent.
A friend said this to me recently.
You know Robbie Williams, the singer?
Really nice guy.
And he said, I'm an entertainer in the true sense.
If you don't love me, I don't love me.
Which I found heartbreaking.
And I thought, well, comedians haven't got that.
Comedians like, we desperately, desperately
want to be loved entirely on our own terms.
Yeah.
Is that weird thing if you go I'm going to say this unsayable thing.
I mean this is the cancel culture thing is like it's very fun to for journalists to write
about but it's not real is it.
I mean you can all sort of the biggest comics in the world are saying you know outrageous
things but it's it's just that thing that comedy has a role to play it's that's that's
what it's meant to do I think and whether it's pushing it in terms of subject matter
or level of intimacy or what you can talk about,
that Overton window of what you can and can't talk about
shifts through time.
So actually there's stuff like my outrageous jokes,
but there's also people opening up about their lives.
You know, there's Mark Maron and Hannah Gadsby
and people talking about their experiences.
And that's another way it's opening up and expanding.
So it's, I don't know, I think it's a...
I don't think it's a problem.
I've had people approach me on the street,
actually not too far from our studio here,
literally like a block.
Someone rode up to me on a bicycle and he was lamenting
and he wanted to, I think, connect with me.
He's just like, man, Conan, isn't it tough?
The cancel culture, I mean, guys like you,
you can't say anything anymore.
And I thought, that's just not true.
I don't believe that's true.
No, it's, I don't feel that there's things
that I wanna say that I can't say.
There's a weird thing going on though,
where there's a little bit of,
in the wider world outside of comedy,
there is a thing, there's preference falsification going on now.
So say that again.
Preference falsification?
It just sounded pretty.
I just wanted to hear.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
I don't know what you mean by preference falsification.
So if you look at opinion polls now, they don't work as well as they did 10 years ago.
So there's a thing where people know what the right thing to say is.
But and cancel culture, there's nothing from above, right?
There's no authoritarian leader telling us what we can and can't say.
And really, you look at the world now and you go, the basket of things that you cannot
say is so much smaller than it was 20 years ago.
There was blasphemy, you look at George Carlin, seven things you couldn't say on TV, you can
say anything now.
It's open.
The issue now is kind of self-censorship, is the idea that people feel like, well, I
don't want to say the thing.
So I think there's a cathartic element
to come and see a comedy show,
because you go, oh, this guy,
this guy doesn't seem to give a fuck.
He's saying whatever he wants.
And I think it engenders,
I think people have very interesting conversations
afterwards, where they feel a bit looser.
I think with all comedy shows, actually,
I think it doesn't matter whether edgy, not edgy,
it doesn't really make any odds.
I think it's just, it puts people in a state of,
okay, this is fun, we can laugh at stuff.
I think if someone's being intelligent and honest
and they've crafted their work,
I don't know what subject they can't bring up.
I may not like all of it, but it feels to me that-
Yeah, no, I'm-
I more prefer, I think a lot of it is,
do I trust the person who's up here talking?
Have they, are they intelligent?
Do they in general like humanity
or inclined to like humanity somewhat?
Do they have antipathy?
Are they malicious?
And what's the intention?
I mean, let's face facts.
Intention and context mean a lot.
There's a big difference between being homeless and camping.
Okay, and, but you can sort of do a journalistic article
where you pretend you don't realize that
and just say, well, he said this thing,
this is a statement, a statement of fact,
rather than realizing it was a joke
and the audience laughed and they all knew,
people laugh at the wrong thing
because they know what the right thing is.
Yeah, it's interesting.
On my theories, comedians leak. I think they leak.
I think you watch someone do one-liners for an hour. And really, I've said nothing about
myself and given everything away. People know who I am. Yeah, they have a sense of, okay,
that's fine. And it's that equal opportunities offender thing of just going, well, if I hear
everyone, then no one feels like they're being got. But I can't I don't even agree with the
language that sometimes use that idea of punching down.
People kind of, you know, you're punching down.
You go, sorry, you think there's people below me?
What?
What now?
I'll stop you there.
Who's below me then?
Who, no, give me the list.
Who's below me?
I mean, obviously I'm a cis, heterosexual male,
so who's under me in your hierarchy of humans?
Right, right.
It's nonsense.
Right.
How much do you credit your Irishness, your UKness?
I mean, I know that you were much more Irish
than I had known.
Yeah, I mean, I carry an Irish passport.
I would credit my mother was a big,
was a very funny woman and had very little filter.
She would have been seen as, I think a lot of people would think she was embarrassing.
I was never embarrassed by anything.
I think that was, I had the vaccine for that early on of like just so much embarrassment,
bulletproof.
I liked that thing of like she was able to kind of change, she was also depressive and
very down and just this wonderful kind of character.
And I think that thing of like, it's a specific person
that you kind of, okay, so that thing that she had,
a very different sense of humor,
but being able to kind of do that.
I don't know whether that's linked to Irishness.
I don't know, I suppose.
It's funny, I bring it up just because I obviously,
in my house growing up,
that was your get out of jail free card
from any kind of feelings of anxiety, restraint,
the mood here isn't great.
Anything that would happen in any household,
the get out of jail free card was,
I used to call it, if you could kind of run the table,
if we would sit at the kitchen table
and I could get something going,
and then everyone's laughing and I get on a roll
and I can see that I'm getting everybody,
that to me was your sprung.
It's just this way to,
and you can almost talk about anything you can talk about.
In a way, you can allude to things
that were taboo at the table.
I thought, used to think there might be something kind of a little Irish here because it's such
a Catholic culture, it's such a repressed culture that I'm able to touch on things.
And then I saw the same thing with a lot of my Jewish friends, that it worked the same
way in their culture.
And I think that there were ways that they could, I don't know, sort of,
it was a jailbreak. They could get out of the tension in the room by being outrageously
funny.
Yeah. I mean, I think that's just true. I think there is something about that. There's
a real, it's those things as well with any big family unit, anything where the tribe
is more important than the individual is going to
be, it's that thing of like, you can stand out by, you know, because we all desperately
want to fit in and then we desperately want to stand out.
And in Irish culture, you are not supposed to stand out because then you're-
Oh, well, that's more, that's more, they're very British thing of the tall poppy.
Yeah, the tall poppy. And it's a UK thing in general, which is, oh, who do you think you are?
Oh, so you think you're Jimmy Carr, do you?
And look at you with your nice suit and your sold out shows and your popular Netflix specials.
Must be nice.
Must be nice.
Must be nice.
The must be nice thing is the, it's interesting though, because people want what you've got,
but they never want to do what you had to do to get it.
So the thing of like you're chatting there about, you know, childhoods and the pathology
that goes into being a comedian and thinking about this all the time.
It's an odd pathology.
There's an odd thing going on there.
When you spoke earlier about you wouldn't say either of your parents was sick, it seems
to betray a, there's something going on there.
There was something in the house and there's always kind of, there's always something.
There's always kind of a reason to get into this.
I don't think well-balanced people feel
they need to do this.
I've said this maybe a hundred times on this podcast,
but I will keep saying it because it bears repeating.
My father is a very smart, very highly educated
scientist medicine, in medicine.
And yeah, he looked at me once and said,
oh, I understand.
You're making your living off of something
that should probably be treated.
And he wasn't making a joke.
He was saying, I see now you and basically then-
Sorry, my father said that.
I'm not a therapist, I feel like.
So you've said this before on the show
and they've done nothing to help you.
We laugh. Nothing. They haven't reached- No, it's war. But you know, his father's not Yeah. So you've said this before on the show and they've done nothing to help you.
We laugh.
Nothing.
They haven't reached out.
His father's very right.
His father's correct.
Nothing's not helping.
We laugh a lot.
But Jimmy, I will tell you.
You're just encouraging him.
But I will tell you.
He needs a hug is what he needs.
No, this is how we make our money.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't kill the magic bird.
Don't kill the magic bird.
We don't want him to get treated.
Yeah, he makes the golden eggs.
Yeah. Don't kill the magic bird. We don't want him to get treated. He makes the golden eggs. But my father then went on to explain how synapses work
and how, but how if there's a misfiring synapse
that creates an error, but people find that error funny,
then you can make your living off of that.
And I listened to this for quite a while and wasn't upset.
Was just like, huh, the old man's on to something.
Anyway.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ha-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
I had a great chat once with Robert Dunbar.
Do you know Robert Dunbar?
I do not.
The Dunbar numbers, like the number of people
in a friendship group,
often gets quoted because of social media.
But so, so gorillas have a Dunbar number of about 60.
They get to a pod of 60, I think it's a pod with gorillas,
about 60, and then they go,
well, we can't groom each other anymore.
But you know, number 65 goes,
I don't even know these guys.
They never pick any nits out of my hair.
Come on, let's start a new pod.
And they start a new pod.
And 60's a good number,
but you don't get to specialization with 60.
So why did we develop beyond 60?
Well, we got to 150.
That's the Dunbar number for like 100,000 years.
Okay, so we got to this bigger group, and Dunbar number for like 100,000 years.
So we got to this bigger group.
And the reason we were able to do that was remote grooming.
And remote grooming was laughter.
Laughter predates language by about a million years.
It's a different part of the throat
that developed much earlier.
So it's a weird thing that like the importance
of what comedy brings can't be overstated.
I think your father was being mean, but...
I think he was onto something, and I think there is...
It's a weird thing about that.
How dare you talk about my father that way?
But when you...
He's a saint!
When you think about it though, it's that thing of like the ha-ha and the a-ha moment.
What does comedy reward?
Linguistic ability and pattern recognition.
And it's all of the good things.
It's all of the things that make it.
And pattern recognition is basically the skill of humanity.
It's the incredible thing of we kind of work together.
Then this idea of specialization through larger groups, through this development of language,
it's an incredibly important thing.
You just made me realize that the title of this podcast
is Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
And that essentially what I'm doing
is taking this modern technology,
and I had increased the pod through television,
but then tried to specialize and take this technology
and say, I wanna make this pod, podcast,
but you use the word pod as in your friend group.
I'm trying to make this friend group,
humans should have 150 friends
and I'm trying to get to like 150 billion.
Because it's never enough.
It's never enough.
150 billion.
Yes, well we have to go to other planets.
Yeah, we've got a ways to go, yeah.
We've got to go to other planets.
The beginning of infinity, isn't it?
Jimmy, I have taken more time than I intended to, and I apologize for that, but I'm not
sorry because, sorry, not sorry, as they say in our culture, because it's been lovely talking
to you, seriously.
It is really, it's really interesting doing this as opposed to coming on the show, because
I was always so excited to come on your show.
I mean, it was such a big deal.
You just kind of fly over,
and it was so kind of glamorous and fun to do.
And such a privilege to come and do that.
I'm so grateful for those times.
Well, you were always such a perfect comic
and such an original voice.
Is this the longest a podcast has gone
without a mention of Foursquare?
Foursquare?
You've got the wrong podcast, buddy.
You've got the wrong decade.
Which, who are we sponsored by?
Who are we shilling?
Oh, we have so many.
Who are we shilling?
Let's shill something.
Okay, well basically.
We do our ads separately and then.
Yeah, and Jimmy, everyone wants in on this podcast.
It's a big podcast.
You seem to refuse that, but we get,
I mean, we got a lot of huge sponsors.
Blackwater is behind us now. Oh no! Oh, geez. Blackwater, but we get, I mean, we got a lot of huge sponsors. Blackwater is behind us now.
Oh no!
Oh, geez.
Blackwater, the defense industry,
the people that are coming up with a better landmine.
Yeah.
That's us.
It's really the best.
We're huge in the defense industry.
Yeah.
And also fracking.
The new-
Oh man.
Fracking is big with this party.
I didn't know this.
Oh, oh, you pretended not to know
so you can keep buying your fancy earrings with turquoise.
Now, is there any, is there,
what about the cobalt people?
Are the cobalt people involved?
Oh, we're after the cobalt people.
Yeah.
And somehow just the concept of gerrymandering
advertises on this podcast.
It's really strange.
You would have been a tremendous gerrymandering.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, trust me.
You really missed your calling.
Yeah. He's right. Oh, listen me. You really missed your calling. Yeah.
He's right.
Oh, listen.
Yeah.
Actually, that would maybe be a better title,
the gerrymander.
Yeah.
In the same vein, just the concept of greed and ill will
are sponsors of this podcast.
Yeah, that's right.
So we have-
The seven sins.
We're sponsored by the seven deadly sins.
Jimmy has a special on Netflix, which I have not seen yet.
It has not been made available to me,
which I'm very bitter about because-
I spoke to the people at Netflix and they said,
it's $19 a month and you have to just pay.
Fuck that.
No, that's money out of my children's mouths
because my children eat $20 bills.
Ah!
Jimmy Carr, Natural Born Killers, is streaming...
Natural Born Killer for...
I've never heard of Natural Born Killers.
I don't know what you could mean.
I called it Natural Born Killer,
so that's a different thing.
So if Mr. Tarantino's watching,
I don't know what you're talking about.
I think it was Oliver Stone.
Well, he wrote it. Oliver Stone wrote it. No, Tarantino wrote it. No, Tarantino wrote it.
Oliver Stone directed it.
Okay, so we're all right and we're all wrong.
No.
No, just me.
Jimmy Carr, natural born killer.
No S at the end is now streaming on Netflix.
And I'm gonna be watching it because-
If it's made available to you, let's see.
No, I'm gonna watch it at a friend's house.
Through the window.
I am not, through the-
That's you?
That's me.
I'm always asking you,
when are you gonna watch Jimmy Carr's latest special?
You always say, I don't know, tonight at nine.
Why do you ask?
Nothing, and then you hear a rustling outside your house.
Can I just make a public service announcement?
I would recommend you watch my Netflix special,
Jimmy Carr, Natural born killer on Netflix,
but close the curtains.
Oh, I have a little stick.
Draw your blinds.
I have a little stick that parts the curtains.
Creeps like me have those.
I don't have windows, just blinds.
I have one of those.
It's like a Warner Brothers cartoon.
I can make a little suck hole by drilling on the wall.
Jimmy, thank you so much for making the time
and continued success to you, sir.
You deserve it.
Pleasure talking to you.
Absolutely pleasure.
And you.
Thank you so much for having me on.
Thank you.
No one will overhear this.
This one is just going right in the bin.
In the vault.
We throw every third one away.
Yeah.
Sorry you just landed on the thing.
Just because we can.
Yeah, it's a thing.
And we've had some amazing third guests.
Yeah.
And then we just, you know, Tom Cruise,
amazing revelations.
It was the third guest that week and we threw him out.
Yeah, it's for the best.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. All right, well, I am in New York right now, but still able to talk to my good pals, Matt
Gorley, Sonamu Sessian, through the magic of technology.
So you guys are in Los Angeles.
I'm here in New York.
I'm in New York because I'm doing promotion for Conan O'Brien Must Go, the show that sort
of was born out of the podcast.
And I'm very excited about it.
And so went on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night.
And did you guys, I don't know if you guys saw it,
but I gave you two a shout out on television,
real television.
I mean, I wasn't going to watch it,
but then you said you gave us a shout out.
And so that's why I watched it.
Yeah, same. And I just watched that two seconds. I wasn't going to watch it, but then you said you gave us a shout out, and so that's why I watched it.
Yeah, same.
And I just watched that two seconds.
He watched this two seconds.
I had Amanda queue it up for me.
Gorley didn't even listen to me mention Sona.
He just cut it down to just Matt Gorley
and then cut out the Sona part.
Yeah, it's my neighboring town.
Yeah, it was, no, it was, I had an absolute blast and it was, it was fun.
I was curious how I would feel seeing that sixth floor again
because that was such a big part of my life
when I did the late night show for 16 years
and hadn't been there in so long.
And Jimmy's studio is 6B, mine was 6A.
That's where Letterman's show took place.
That's where we did our show for 16 years
and Jimmy's across the hall on 6B.
And so it was just going right back home again.
And I just liked being there, I enjoyed it.
And it felt good.
It felt, I didn't, I was thinking,
am I gonna feel, am I gonna get in my head
about going back to this place
that has so many strong memories?
And I just immediately felt at home and happy to be there
and that Tonight Show staff could not have been nicer.
It was really a good time.
People seem really excited to see you, which was nice.
Yeah, you got a big standing ovation, right?
Yes, I made it clear before the show
that everyone who stands will get $15,000.
Oh, can I stand?
Can I stand now?
It's too late.
I've been standing for this whole segment.
That was just for that studio audience.
That's $130,000.
No, it was just for that studio audience.
And then I kind of, it's a little controversial,
I left without paying anyone.
Oh no.
Yeah, and they're furious.
The whole audience is enraged.
They're looking for me. They found out where I'm staying at my hotel, so I had, and they're furious. The whole audience is enraged. They're looking for me.
They found out where I'm staying at my hotel,
so I had to flee through the basement.
Yeah.
But no, it was nice.
It was very nice.
I had a great time.
And I'm enjoying being in New York.
I like walking around.
People are very friendly.
Sona, I know you get freaked out when you come to New York,
just because you're not a New Yorker.
I'm not.
But I am jealous you got to see our friend
Questlove at the Tonight Show,
who is probably listening right now to this podcast.
Questlove is a loyal listener to the podcast.
And of course it was a thrill.
They played my old theme when I came out,
Roots, such an amazing band.
So to hear them play that theme was magical.
To be in the room with those guys
when they're doing their thing is an incredible treat.
And then Questlove is working on a project
that he asked me to help him with afterwards.
And so I got to spend a little more time with him
and he's such, such a delightful hang.
He knows everything about everything.
And so I'm always, and you could tell that
from his podcast appearance.
He knows everything about television and music
and pop culture and it's all connected in his mind
in this incredible way.
It's fantastic.
Yeah, he's a lovely guy.
I just wanna let his brain pour all over me.
Okay, that's disgusting.
Okay, why would you say that?
That's a weird thing to say.
I don't mean to do it.
No, no, no, that would kill Questlove
if his brain was taken from his skull
and crumbled over you.
No, Questlove, if you're listening,
I want you alive and well,
and I'm sorry about what Matt said.
Matt wants you dead, Questlove.
He wants your mind crushed and crumbled over his body.
I want his brain liquefied and just poured over me.
Oh, so Questlove is gonna survive that?
That's on him, I don't know.
I can't guarantee it.
It's up to him to survive it.
Yeah, I can't guarantee that. It's not my business.
I'm a stupid judge and I find you innocent, Matt Gwily.
I did it.
This judge finds that you were just trying to compliment Questlove.
And now a sip of Questlove's brain.
That's nice. It's nice you're over there.
Every time I go to New York with you,
people are really excited to see you.
It's like you come home,
even though that's not like your home home.
I'm from Boston, which is supposed to be
the storied hated rival of New York.
But New Yorkers seem to give me a pass on that.
As long as I don't wear a Red Sox cap,
they let me slide.
Yeah.
But it's been very nice
and been walking around town with David Hopping.
Gonna give David Hopping a shout out.
And he's fun, cause he doesn't,
he's just, you know, he's from Carlinville, Illinois.
And it is a very small, small town.
And every time we go to New York,
you can see he's just, he's looking up at the buildings
and he's looking at the fact that-
He's never seen a building before.
Well, he's probably been there 30 times.
I know.
It's still, he never gets over it.
And he's marvels that there's a sewage system
and hot and cold running water.
And it's just, it's fun.
Cause he has such a different experience
that when he comes to New York, it's fun to see it through such a different experience that when he comes to New York,
it's fun to see it through his eyes.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I get it.
He thought you had to pay to take an elevator,
like it was a ride at Disneyland.
And I said, no, you don't have to, it's not a ride.
It's not Mr. Toad's wild ride.
So-
That's a good one.
Yeah, he's with me right now.
David, why don't you come over here
and just say a quick hello.
You just listened to me describe you as the ultimate hick.
How do you feel about that?
Not, it's fine.
You're fine with it?
Yeah, you having a good time while you're here so far?
I'm having a good time, yeah.
Yeah, it's really fun.
Okay. Hi David.
Hi David.
Incredible. Hi David.
As you can see, he's just bowled over
by his experience here.
He's monosyllabic.
He looked exactly the same.
I know, he's got a latte.
Oh, I know it made-
He looks like a New Yorker.
I know what made David's life last night,
which is David and I got back to the hotel,
who is sitting over in the corner,
but Kaylee Cuoco, who has been a guest on our-
Oh!
And she's such a fantastic person.
I mean, she just is as nice a person as you could imagine
and really funny.
And so I go over and I sit down with her
and David's with me and David is just mesmerized.
And then you tell her that you're an insane
Kaylee Cuoco fan.
Yeah, I am a big fan.
The microphone is what you're talking to.
Yeah, I told her I'm a big fan.
Okay, I don't know what your problem is.
You're allowed to say more than one.
I don't have a gun on you right now.
What is your problem?
He took a photo with Kaylee and he told her
that he's just a massive fan
and I could see Kaylee getting nervous.
I don't think she was nervous.
And then I called security and I had David taken away.
And then I had you beaten.
None of that, there's nothing.
Okay, that didn't happen.
No, you don't believe him.
Okay, well that's good improv.
Good denying.
Good job, David. That didn't happen him. You're mind-boggling. Okay, well that's good improv. Good denying.
Good job, David.
That didn't happen.
Can we have a volunteer from the audience?
Okay, we're in a candy store.
No, we're not.
Boo.
Anyway, we saw Kaylee Cuoco.
I think that's exciting.
I've seen so many, I get excited when I see celebrities
and my life has been interviewing them.
But when I'm somewhere and I see someone from television,
I'm like, gosh, they're on TV.
Who's the most excited person you've ever met?
Wait, let me rephrase that.
Wait, what?
The most excited?
Who have you been most excited to see?
Yes.
I mean, I feel like the answer to that
is your friend Eric Reif.
If not.
Yeah, my college roommate, Eric Reif.
When I get together with him,
we have the most obscure interests.
We walk around Central Park and we just lecture each other
about Lyndon Johnson's press secretary.
It's the most obscure arguments that you can imagine.
Like, I gotta go Kayleigh Cuoco,
I gotta go talk about Eisenhower's second term
with my friend Eric.
This sounds pretty good.
She's like, yeah, Conan, do you wanna maybe get dinner
or something? I can't!
I've gotta go hang out with my college roommate
because we're gonna talk about Dwight Eisenhower's
third stroke in the White House.
He dribbled for three days before he came back around.
Yep. Nerd power always-
Everyone's coming, Conan.
Everyone's gonna be there.
It's gonna be the coolest dinner party ever.
Yeah, Kelly Cuoco's like,
I'm telling you, all the big stars are gonna be there.
All these very cool, attractive stars
wanna meet you and hang out with you.
I can't!
I gotta go see my college roommate.
We just found out some new facts about Rutherford B. Hayes.
His foreign policy is not what you think it was, Kaylee.
Anyway, my eternal love to Kaylee Cuoco
for being so cool to run into.
And yeah, let's get into it.
We've got to get on with the show.
We've got more to do.
This is the last part of the show, Conan.
This is not an intro.
You know what?
I never listened to this piece of shit.
So why would I know where it goes?
Anyway, all I wanted to do was get it out there.
But Kaley Cuoco seemed kind of happy to see me.
And that's a huge deal in my book.
Mission accomplished. Mission accomplished. And that's a huge deal in my book.
Mission accomplished.
Mission accomplished.
And cue credits.
Conan O'Brien needs a friend.
With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsesian, and Matt Gourley.
Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow,
and Jeff Ross at Team Coco,
and Colin Anderson and Cody Fischer at Earwulf.
Theme song by The White Stripes.
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.
Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.
Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and
review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a
future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847
and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you
haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.