Doughboys - California Pizza Kitchen 2 with Avital Ash
Episode Date: April 25, 2024Avital Ash (@avitalash, Avital Ash Workshops her Suicide Note) joins the 'boys to talk overseas travel, wedding food, and blended soups before a review of California Pizza Kitchen. Plus, anot...her edition of Cake It Off.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/lifestyle-news/spago-restaurant-wolfgang-puck-1235073034/https://guide.michelin.com/sg/en/article/people/my-signature-dish-wolfgang-puck-s-smoked-salmon-pizzahttps://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704107104574571761272509646https://blog.slicelife.com/a-brief-history-of-california-pizza/https://www.cpk.com/aboutSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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In 1982, the restaurant Spago opened on West Hollywood's Sunset Strip, quickly becoming a mecca for celebrity diners like Barbra Streisand, Dolly Parton, and Sylvester Stallone, and making
a celebrity chef out of founder Wolfgang Puck.
Puck's then novel fusion approach of merging cuisines from different cultures birthed one of his signature dishes,
salmon and creme fraiche pizza,
a mashup of a bagel with lox,
and a Neapolitan-style pie purportedly created
to satiate a ravenous Joan Collins.
In 1985, dismayed after an unresolved trial outcome,
federal prosecutors Rick Rosenfield
and Larry Flax abandoned the courtroom in favor of an even tenser biome—the kitchen.
And while they didn't have much expertise in the restaurant business—they had a focused
concept, a California-style pizzeria in Tony Beverly Hills—and made a savvy hire, poaching
Puck's pizza chef Ed LeDoux to oversee the menu.
While Spago's salmon pizza appealed to Hollywood elites like Burt Reynolds,
Rosenfield and Flax's barbecue chicken pizza appealed to the masses,
and in the ensuing four decades, the chain has grown to nearly 200 locations in 11 countries,
not just as sit-down chain restaurants, but as kiosk versions in stadiums and airports.
Today, Puck's once-artisan pizzas are produced in factory kitchens and sold in the frozen foods aisle of grocery stores, as are those of Flax and Rosenfield's Simulacrum.
The natural progression of restaurant success, from fine dining destination to mass-market
microwave meal.
As for these lawyers' now 40-year-old concept, the verdict is in, guilty of having staying
power.
This week on Doughboys, we return to California pizza kitchen. now 40-year-old concept, the verdict is in, guilty of having staying power.
This week on Doughboys,
we return to California Pizza Kitchen.
-♪
Come on!
-♪ Go, it's the Doughboyz!
Double the doughnawines!
-♪ Welcome to Doughboyz, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host,
Tummy Trouble in Little Studio,
the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell,
our tech correspondent, Mike Mitchell.
No, yeah, bye, bye, bye.
Yeah, the Nasdaq's looking fucking horrible right now.
For our audio listeners, while Jimmy-
That's right, the Nasdaq.
While Jimmy sweetly naps next to him,
Mitch has something that he never has in studio,
a laptop today, and is also on his cell phone
doing a bit at the same time.
Head gum stocks, sell, sell, sell as much as you can.
Do I seem like a Wall Street guy?
Yeah, very much so.
Well, I see my cool background, it's the tomorrow war.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
Is that via Amazon?
What?
Like, was that like an Amazon Prime
had like a special background or is that something?
No, they just sent it out from, because they took pictures on set.
They used it at one point.
Oh, so you're just using an actual cast photo?
I'm using a cast photo, yes.
That's fun.
And now the laptop's closed, so why do you have it?
Well, I was here, but then Jimmy had to sit, and then I thought, this could turn into a great bid,
where I'm talking about the stock market and being a stock market guy.
And then I'm going to put it right here for the rest of this thing.
I don't know.
You always have some sort of a device.
I just, it's unusual for you to have a laptop.
So I've just to what end?
People yell at me for having my phone up, but that's my lap.
It's the same thing as an iPad.
We'll get your laptop out then.
Also, you, you also check your texts on your phone.
That's not true.
That is not true.
It is true.
Let's see what's on here.
There's no big text right now between all of us.
Hey, Doughboys, Emma, Amelia, and Jemmy,
I hope the Head Gum Studio has a bidet.
Giselle, AKA Ahoy Hoy in the dough scord,
roastedbirdfuck.com.
Wow.
Yeah. Sorry, Isitbirdfuck.com. Wow. Yeah.
Sorry, I was looking at my text.
Wigs, we're here.
We're here.
We're here, we're doing a big one today,
of revisiting a big one.
We're revisiting a big chain.
This is a chain that I don't think we've revisited
or we've reviewed since 2017.
Does that sound right?
Wow.
It's been a while.
Seven years ago.
Isn't that crazy that the podcast has been going that long?
Four score?
It's not quite four score.
It's just seven years ago right now.
Yeah.
What is four score?
What the hell was Lincoln talking about?
He's saying 80.
So it's a fancy way to say 80.
So 87 years ago is what he was saying?
Yeah, because the score is 20.
Oh. And then so you say four score 20, I say
80, 87 years ago when the nation was founded.
I think that's what he's saying.
A score is 20?
I think so.
Wow.
Oh.
You learned.
I think it says, I think a score is the same
as a Fortnite, which is, oh wait, no,
Fortnite is two weeks.
Yeah.
I think a score is 20 days.
Fortnite is an action shooter, my man.
You don't have to tell me.
I guess I just suck today.
You're doing great.
I guess that's what it is.
The Wall Street bit was good, Mitch.
The Wall Street bit was pretty good.
Yeah, you're right.
Wait, a Fortnite is what?
What do you mean what?
I think a Fortnite is two weeks.
And I think a score is just a way of saying 20 not 20 days
20 everyone knows all this bullshit just fancy flowery terms
You don't need to know them. But yeah, he decided to say instead of saying 87 years ago
We said four score and seven years ago, you know
little too chatty Lincoln
Get it out.
Get it out.
People would remember it more.
People would remember it 87 years ago more?
I think it's poetic.
I wish I could punch up the, what is that, the Gettysburg address?
The Gettysburg address, yeah.
I wish I could punch it up.
He had a room.
He had a room there.
Yeah, he had a bunch of writers, yeah.
Let me guess. Well, as you know with most comedy rooms,
it's fat party animals and kind of thin,
well, not thin, but like nerdy.
Yeah, not thin. Let it just go nuts.
Nerdy, quiet guys.
Yeah, sure.
Some would say spectrum-y, I guess.
I don't know if we'll have to delete this from the episode.
I think you're fine. Yeah, I mean, it say spectrum-y, I guess. I don't know if we'll have to delete this from the episode, but...
I think you're fine.
Yeah, I mean, it is just the truth.
Yeah.
So who do you think would be in Lincoln's room?
I mean, it makes me think Taft was in there
as like a big fat guy.
Taft was a party animal,
maybe a little bit too young for Taft, I think.
When did Taft come?
Well, I mean, I'm just saying,
what's half fun with who was in Lincoln's writing room?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like Taft's dad was in there, and he was like the cut-up.
There we go. He was keeping the room loose, but he wasn't actually writing muchft's dad was in there and he was like the cut up. There we go.
He was keeping the room loose,
but he wasn't actually writing much,
but he was like there,
it was worth the salary on that one guy
just because he kept everyone.
Roosevelt seems like a big fat party animal, right?
Teddy Roosevelt?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know how much of a party animal he was.
Wasn't he a big, he was like a big fat, like.
I wouldn't, I don't think he was a big fat guy,
he was like a barrel test dude.
He was like a big, yeah, I'm saying he was like the man,
you don't have to be necessarily like a fat guy.
You had like a big boisterous guy.
I guess, yeah, he probably would be kind of
have alpha dog energy.
Yeah. Which would be helpful.
And then there'd be like, yeah, more some dudes
who were like me, but they'd be named like Thaddeus.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Shut the fuck up, Thaddeus.
I think we have to get our points across
before we get too humorous here.
Shut up, Thaddeus.
That's probably what was going on. I Elminster have to get our points across before we get too humorous here. Shut up, Thaddeus! That's probably what was going on.
I Elminster have something to say.
Anyway, Wags, Emma, let's hit them with the drop.
Wags, Emma.
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Pretty good.
Do, do, do, do, do, do.
And it's, yeah.
I think in that clip I was talking about,
well, I'm not gonna get into it.
I don't have to say what was going on.
Yeah, fine.
If people remember if they've heard the episode.
Yeah.
I finished masturbating and that sound played.
That's what happened.
So that sound went off when I, when I finished.
I embarrassed to look at our guest while saying this.
You're telling that story in the room and Lincoln's like,
Oh, let's get back to business.
Everyone's laughing, but he's like, Oh, we got to focus up here.
And Franklin's like, tell me more.
He's a horn dog. He's a little bit of a horn dog.
Can we order lunch from the old Chowder Emporium?
Oh my God.
I'm trying to think of a 19th century food.
They're poor P.A.
Who was probably, uh, the, I don't know.
I don't know history enough.
I was trying to go with somebody.
Help me out here.
Who would be the PA?
Oh, he'd be like the shitty nephew
of like William Henry Harrison.
Yeah.
He'd be like some like, oh yeah,
that's John Quincy Adams' grandson.
Like, yeah, he just like. Well, John Quincy Adams' son. I mean, well,cy Adams' grandson.
He just like...
Well, John Quincy Adams' son.
I mean, well, John Adams' son.
No, John Quincy Adams, no, nevermind.
He's from my city, I know.
I...
I was trying to think of a...
This just doesn't have legs.
It just doesn't work.
Well, there was a, we were fine with it.
We just were trying to like...
We were trying to make it keep,
we were trying to keep going.
We had to keep it going. The ball had already landed. Here's it keep, we were trying to keep going. Better keep it going.
Here's the thing, we were trying to do it for you,
the listeners.
We're trying to do this for you.
The idea was it would be like some sort of
nepo baby like fail son
would be related to a historical American figure.
The thing is, is that knowing our listeners,
they'll have a lot of opinions on this bit.
And like, they should have said this guy,
the fucking, cause they'll know someone that
was a fail son like that.
Anyways, fuck you guys once again.
The NASDAQ isn't open for trading on a tax day.
All right, fucking whatever.
Wags, hi.
Sent this in a while back, but I'm resubmitting it
as probably doesn't contain anything that might
get flagged copyright wise.
Thanks for all the laughs, Jeremy.
Thanks Jeremy, drops at birdfuck.com.
Before we introduce our guest, Emma.
Jeremy's spoken on pod today.
He sure did.
Emma, before we get started,
can you share your story about when you were in New Hampshire?
You also don't have to.
No, I'll share it.
I was at a gala for my dad's charter school, the Great State Arts Academy in New Hampshire this weekend and I sat at a table with a former Miss New Hampshire, you also don't have to. No, I'll share it. I was at a gala for my dad's charter school,
the Grant Sade Arts Academy in New Hampshire this weekend,
and I sat at a table with a former Miss New Hampshire
who told me that her boyfriend is a Doughboyz fan.
Shout out to former Miss New Hampshire's boyfriend.
Let us know if you're Burger Brigade or Spoon Nation.
It just is not, it's just, it's just not fair.
It's just insane.
I'm hot salad 420 and the dough scored.
Cool.
It's cool, man.
My avatar is koalik.
Oh, cool, man.
Oh, boy. Wags, we're doing all right here.
We're doing all right.
And hey, we're thrilled to have this guest back on the show,
IRL for the first time, a writer, actor, and comedian.
You can see her stand up live April 27th
at the Yard in Los Angeles,
and also this May in London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow,
Avital Ash.
Avital, thanks so much for being here.
Thank you for having me back.
What a treat.
And in person.
We're very excited to have you here.
In talking about a restaurant we haven't been to in a while,
and also I got now for the PA, how about Hugo Revere?
There's like Paul Revere's like, yeah.
I wonder if the thing is-
By your reaction to it, it seems like a home run.
No, it's pretty good.
Maybe you want to find a word.
We were talking about exonyms, which you found very boring.
That sounds like a great word.
There's a word that is like nepotism,
but I think it's almost, it might be like the origin of frat.
Okay.
Let's find this. It was in a book I just read.
I read. Sorry, this is terrible.
I mean, it was very. Sorry, this is terrible.
I mean, it was very funny beforehand, Weiger was saying before the podcast started, you
know what's a great word?
And I was just sitting in here being like, this sucks.
This is not for me.
This environment is not for me.
Oh, go ahead.
You might like it.
Maybe you won't.
Let me hear it.
Cronyism.
Oh, yeah, I know cronyism.
Oh, cronyism.
I've heard that before.
I did more than that.
I only just learned it. It was like, looked it up. Nepotism is like, I hire my cousin.
Cronyism is like, I hire Mitch.
Yeah, yeah, I hire like my friend.
Yeah.
I was thinking Hugo, I guess would be Nepotism.
But it made me think of-
Of Cronyism?
Yeah, it was really important to interrupt you for Cronyism.
No, I mean, please.
That was very helpful.
I was, do you see me drowning over here?
I need any help I can get.
I think the way, Mitch, I think the fix is,
I think you have to say it would be Paul Revere's,
like say front loader with Paul Revere,
handhold people through that.
Like it'd be Paul Revere's grandson.
And then I think the name should sound
a little bit more fail sunny.
So like, you know.
So Hugo's too cool.
Hugo's too cool.
And it's also like signs like, is it old timey?
I can't really tell.
So Todd Revere?
Yeah, Todd Revere, honestly, I think that's better.
Todd Revere is maybe that's.
Look at this screenwriting lesson for your listeners.
You want to be clear.
You don't want to beat them over the head,
but you want to make them feel smart
that they follow it.
Yeah.
And you make it simple.
They have no problem feeling smart.
That is not an issue.
Them to their readers.
They feel pretty smart, yeah.
Todd Revere is pretty good.
Todd Revere is good, yeah.
I wonder if there is just a Todd Revere,
you know how there are like the Adams,
like there are like a sentence. 100%.
There's gotta be some sort of fucking loser
who probably listens to the podcast.
For sure, no, that's like,
I think people can trace their lineage.
There's so many people who like trace their lineage back
to, you know, whatever the founding fathers and they just like don't do shit. Like I think
the Coolidge's famously were like just like had so much money and they never
had to work at all. In relation to Jennifer Coolidge? You know what I would not be
shocked if Jennifer Coolidge was a Coolidge. Yeah. Very talented but I mean that's
the kind of thing that happens because who's the guy who's like a Vanderbilt?
There's a famous actor who's like a Vanderbilt.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
James Vanderbilt from Bathroom Street.
That's who it is.
Wait, tell us about X&M's.
Well, first, I'm really embarrassed that you both knew cronyism, because that was a new
discovery for me.
Yeah, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
No, that's not at all. All of your listeners, for sure, are like, because that was a new discovery for me. And I thought- It's not gonna be embarrassing.
No, that's not at all.
All of your listeners for sure are like,
what a fucking idiot.
Not at all, no, no, no.
Ronyism?
People only talk about messages.
You're looking more in my direction, by the way,
when you said this.
You're like, I can't believe you knew cronyism.
We both were discussing exonyms,
and that was new to you.
I did not know- I could still superior for a moment.
Actually, I truly,
I don't think I've ever heard exonyms before.
Tell us about exonyms,
because I do think it's fascinating.
It's what you call a place when you're not from that place
and it's often different
than what the inhabitants of that place call it.
Sure.
The way that, like, you know,
I would say Japan and it's actually.
It's actually they would say Nihon or Nippon.
Yeah. There you go.
Yeah, so it's like, yeah, that is interesting.
Quincy with a Z, you say Quincy. Mitch, that's an example of it. I'm telling ya, it's like it's yeah, that is interesting Quincy with a Z you say Quincy
That Mitch that's an example of it
I'm telling you it's an example. I do say Quincy cuz I know now you've been
But that came out in context of I was trying to figure out how to say the three cities and I think I fucked it Up London Edinburgh and in bruh, I did say Edinburgh growing up because I think it was like
It felt like a burrow. Like I always said, but then people made fun of me
and I've adjusted and I have to say it like
in the Scottish accent, Edinburgh, like I'm making fun
of it in order to feel like I can say it.
It's like Edinburgh Edinburgh.
I have a dream of performing at Edinburgh,
but we've been asked to, he's not gonna do it.
Why?
I've never crossed the notion.
I look at Edinburgh. I look at Edinburgh. It's okay, it's not gonna do it. Why? I've never crossed an ocean. I look at, I look at Edinburgh.
I look at Edinburgh.
It's okay, it's just my, it's just a dream of mine.
It's just a dream, help him fulfill his dream.
Mitch can do it, go do your fucking one man show over there.
My one man show, what are you fucking out of your mind?
It's like without your left arm, right arm,
whichever one you jerk off with.
Jacking it through the ears, is that what it is?
Yeah.
September 11th, I heard the news.
Right into the shower I went.
I knew that I wouldn't have a lot of time that day.
Would people pay to see that?
They would absolutely pay to hear you talk for an hour
about jacking off.
Are you kidding me?
Our listeners, they would love that.
So do you hate Scotland or what's your issue?
No, I don't know.
I don't like travel and I think I'd be like,
I have issues with claustrophobia and feeling trapped.
And I think if I was on a plane that crossed an ocean,
that would be, I could do it, but I think it would be a thing.
Have you done it?
No, I've never crossed an ocean.
I've never left North America.
You went to Hawaii though.
I did go to Hawaii when I was a kid, yeah.
So I guess that counts.
So, I mean, you don't like to travel.
That's the holdup.
I was gonna ask what the holdup was.
I think NASDAQ just got back to me.
Do you mind?
When you were doing your bit,
it was the worst fake typing I've ever seen.
It was hard to hold onto the phone and do this.
Yeah, that's what it looked like.
It was just kind of this.
You're just hitting the same two keys over and over.
I'm actually a pretty good typer.
Yeah, with one hand, I bet.
Practice, years of practice.
It's not entirely true.
Do you not like the prep and the minutia of traveling
or you don't like to be somewhere else?
I don't like any of it,
but you do seem pretty well traveled yourself, or at least you have some travel on the horizon.
Yeah, well, and I did do the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
That's where this all started, so I spent a month there.
Wow, a month?
A month, yeah.
Here's the thing that attracts me about the UK
and the rest of the world in general is,
what are you doing? I'm trying to type down everything you're saying, about the UK and the rest of the world in general is,
what are you doing?
I'm trying to type down everything you're saying.
You're trying, you're doing a transcript of this episode?
I am.
Mitch, that's needless busy work now,
because Apple Podcasts, the app,
now has AI-generated transcripts.
I, yes, and we know that it's basically the end of us.
Yeah.
We're, we're, we're, I mean, we're due for another canceling.
We're absolutely due.
It's been a while since they decided that with Rob Lowe
that we had needed a canceling,
so I think it's time for another one.
It's overdue.
Was that a folded in ad just in real time?
Or what happened?
No, not at all.
Not at all.
Okay.
What was it now?
Also, Apple has spatial audio now,
so it feels like you're in the room when you're listening to some of these pods. Well, What was it now? Also, Apple has spatial audio now,
so it feels like you're in the room
when you're listening to some of these pods.
Well, and with the Apple Vision Pro,
I mean, you can feel like you're listening
to multiple pods at once.
Yeah, yeah.
Or you'd be listening to a podcast over here,
watching something over here,
and seeing stats from your favorite game over here.
And then I get sick of it, I just say to my home pod,
hey Siri, turn off the TV and we'll go off. Right. Anyway. It's amazing stuff they're doing over there. And then I get sick of it, I just say to my home pod, hey Siri, turn off the TV and we'll go off.
Right.
Anyway.
It's amazing stuff they're doing over there.
Someone should be paying you, I don't know who, but.
You were there for a month.
Apple will never pay this podcast ever.
I mean, also fuck Apple, right?
We don't like, do we?
I think they're all bad.
They're all bad, I guess.
I'm very much in the Apple ecosystem,
but none of these companies are things you should cheer on.
None of them are good.
They're all bad.
So going back to what I was saying, I'm very much in the Apple ecosystem, but none of these companies are things you should cheer on. They're all bad.
So going back to what I was saying, you were in Edinburgh.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Edinburgh for a Aaron Burr.
Burr, yeah, Edinburgh, sir.
One of the great, I mean-
Michael Bay directed spot.
Aaron Burr, the got milk spot we're talking about.
Oh, I don't even, I haven't seen, no.
Are you, I mean, it might be an age thing.
We maybe are just like that.
I remember the Got Milk, like magazine ads,
but not the commercial.
The original spot, the original Got Milk Spot,
which launched this whole campaign,
was a Michael Bay directed film,
where a very good actor,
I can't remember the character's name.
He's in, he's in Twister.
He's in Twister, yes.
And he's got a bunch of credits,
I can't remember his name right now,
but he's eating a peanut butter sandwich, and he get, he's in Twister. He's in Twister, yes. And he's got a bunch of credits, I can't remember his name right now,
but he's eating a peanut butter sandwich
and he get, there's a trivia question about a,
who beat, who killed Alexander Hamilton, the famous duel.
And he's in like a museum, like he like works in the museum
where they've got all the Aaron Burr stuff.
So he just knows the answer and they call him up
and he's like, I want Burr,
cause he's got peanut butter in his mouth.
And he's like, I need some milk. And they tried got peanut butter in his mouth and he's like, I need some milk.
And they tried to pour some milk and then there's no milk left.
There's no milk.
And it's like got milk.
Yeah.
That's a good spot.
Yeah.
And this was an integrated ad for got milk.
Yeah.
For milk, for the American Association.
I heard those two, they got into an argument over in the writer's room about what was a
better punch up joke.
I was trying to call it back to the thing.
From an advertising perspective, do you think it's stronger
to have the conflict and he fails because he doesn't have the milk
or he wins the day because he has the milk right there?
Well, they were very much like, you need milk.
So if you don't have milk, you are fucked.
You're fucked.
It's a cautionary tale, that ad.
I think the way they did it worked.
Also, end of milk is so, like, the end, like,
I feel like I never finish milk.
It's always spoiled.
No, you want that last little bit, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Ah, the fight was over ye olde oyster house
versus another spot.
There we go. Now I got him back on.
I had a, so the thing that I'm interested in
about the UK and the greater world outside of the United States
and Canada is rail travel.
Cause I love getting on the choo choo.
Did you get-
I love getting railed.
I was getting railed.
I was chasing him.
Thank you very much.
Boom among us.
Did you make much use of the rail system
while you're over there?
I didn't really.
I mean, there is a train from London to Edinburgh,
but the flight was cheaper and shorter.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
But I did, you know, like I used the tube
to get around in London.
That's fun.
Like all the tube blogs you wouldn't know
cause you've never been over there.
I know what the tube is.
You just made stuff up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You know what, elevator's a lift over there?
I do know that. Is an escalator also a lift? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know what, elevator's a lift over there? I do know that.
Is an escalator also a lift?
Yeah.
Yeah, everything is a lift.
Anything that gets you up is a lift.
Yeah.
Percocet?
Is that a downer?
Lift.
Yeah.
It's all a lift.
What's that one, that walkway that moves you
on a flat plane?
What do you call that?
I think I read what the name was,
and it was something just just called like a forward.
People mover, I think it is.
It might be called people mover, but I think I remember having like a dumber simpler name
than I expected.
I think I remember somebody referred to it as the people mover and I thought it sounded
really dumb and I think that might have actually been what it's called.
Might be what it's called, yeah.
I'm looking at it.
Look, you don't gotta go over there.
I mean, you're not gonna.
You think you'll never, I mean, I'm not trying to Phil Rosenthal you here, but you think you'll never,
you think you'll never, you'll never travel over,
you'll never cross the sea?
If Phil Rosenthal gave me a hundred thousand dollars,
I could, I could do, I might.
But it's not about the money.
I mean, it's not, I mean, it is expensive.
This is to some degree.
Sure.
But that's not, you can afford to travel overseas.
I could, yeah. But the main draw is getting railed. That's the main thing. Sure, but that's not, you can afford to travel overseas.
I could, yeah.
But the main draw is getting railed,
that's the main thing you want.
No, I don't, I just like, I don't know.
This is like me saying to you, Mitch,
like why do you travel?
Why don't you just stay at home and read by yourself?
Like you thinking of that, you're just like,
I don't wanna do that, right?
So just put yourself in that mindset.
You wanna read by yourself at home? I sit at like, I don't want to do that, right? So just put yourself in that mindset. You want to read by yourself at home?
I sit at home and I don't travel a lot.
Yeah, but I'm saying like,
it's like trying to put yourself in a mindset of like,
like why don't you do this thing that I enjoy?
It's cause I'm not into it.
I know, yeah, that's okay.
I was just wondering if that was just the reason.
You don't want to do it ever.
Yeah, I don't want to do it.
I do respect the not giving into the pressure of it, because I think there is this amount
of like, you got to be well traveled.
Right, right.
Well read, which obviously you don't give a shit about.
Being well read?
No, I don't give a shit.
And you're just like, yeah, I'll stay here with my narrow minded views.
Oh, they're very narrow.
The other word I like is-
What about Japan or something?
I mean, that's to me is like, you'd like a place like that. Is it called?
Nihon?
I call it Nihon.
You can't, you don't go over there.
I don't know.
I mean, like there's parts of it that seem interesting.
Again, the thing that I like the most is infrastructure.
So like just going over there
and being able to ride the train, that seems great.
The public transit, all that stuff seems great.
Walkable cities, I'm into all of that.
It's just like, the language barrier is one thing,
because I like to talk to strangers,
and then also I'm just like, I don't know,
then just the hubbub of travel
and the expense and everything.
I don't know, it's a pain in the ass.
Sure.
I'm not ruling it out over my entire lifetime,
I'm just saying, like,
why is this the focus of this episode?
I was just wondering what the real issue was,
that's all, I don't know if I ever knew what it really was.
You just don't want to do it. That's fine.
Let's just apply to Ed and bruh, get rejected,
and then we don't have to talk about it anymore.
Do it!
What if we get accepted?
Do it!
That's not gonna happen. Bar show there?
Yeah.
You'll definitely get accepted somewhere.
Probably somewhere cool.
But at the least, somewhere bad.
You know what, though?
At the very least.
He knows that there ain't no way I'm
going to apply to this bullshit.
You need him to do it?
I would need him to help me do it.
I'm not going to do it.
So he knows.
It's foolproof.
You're a smart man.
Yeah, you might as well disagree and then
just not do anything.
It's like the, OK, you can get a talk if you take care of it.
And you're like, but I won't.
Can we talk about your recent nuptials?
Because it's the, we're recording
on your sixth month anniversary.
Yeah, which neither of us had any idea until I was like,
oh yeah, I started a job the day after I got married,
which was the 16th. Wild timing.
And then, yeah, then it was like,
oh, I guess today is six months.
Congrats. I'm flying.
Happy inter-, happy, happy half anniversary, right?
You know, it doesn't feel like the sounds,
it doesn't feel like an achievement.
It's like we got together
and then we just sort of kept doing that.
Is that something to be applauded?
Am I to be lauded for just like sticking around?
We're all alive.
Congrats to all of us on whatever
part in our journey, you know.
And this day and age of swiping left and right,
I think it is an accomplishment wise.
Well said, Mitch.
Thank you.
I'm still swiping left and right.
Here's my question for you,
given the purview of this podcast.
What did you do for wedding food?
Oh, our food was so good.
And what everybody says is true, which is that we didn't have a chance to eat it.
We were so busy, but we had put away some of it.
And we had pizza, which was really good.
It was maybe the best pizza I've ever had.
Wow.
And it was here. It's like a Brazilian chef. Oh, wow.
He doesn't have a brick and mortar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But other people have said it too.
People are like, I can't stop thinking about that pizza
or there was like a pasta dish that I didn't try
and a fish thing that I, like we didn't,
we hardly tried any of it.
Wow.
And then cakes from Susie Cakes, which are great.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, wow, yeah.
Yeah. That's great. Yeah, the food go. Oh, wow, yeah. Yeah.
That's great.
Yeah, the food was really good.
We were talking, we weirdly were talking about
good and bad wedding meals we've had over the years
just recently.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, for sure, yeah.
You run into some of those like chaos meals
where it's like, or just things where it's like,
you know, I feel like my expectations are,
as anyone's, are usually pretty low.
I'm just like, I'm gonna get like whatever,
like cafeteria food and it's fine.
I'll get something to fill me up.
Sometimes you have like something that's like great,
like Calpacus and Jess Jarden's wedding was unbelievable.
The Lowry's is a prime rib decater.
Oh wow.
Yeah, so that was really something.
But then other times, and then I've also been to weddings
where they've tried the thing like that.
They've tried like, hey, we got pizza.
We've got something kind of fun,
but then it's like, oh, we got hot dogs,
but like, wait, these are bad shitty hot dogs.
We are very lucky
because we didn't end up trying the food before,
partially because of the chaos of like,
I was out of the country for a month and a half.
And then like, but it was so good.
But I feel like it was still an ordeal
where Amir's mom was like,
you can't serve pizza at a wedding.
Like it was two, I don't know, four.
Old school.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, and there were other things I feel like worth mentioning, you know,
salad and fish and whatever pasta, not just pizza.
We're talking soup before Mitch got here.
Yeah.
Let's let's, uh,, I wanna get your soup thoughts,
but then I also wanna hear about your specific advocacy
for a blended soup.
I feel like it's self-explanatory,
just not everybody wants a blended soup.
Okay, I do have a-
I don't even know what the hell you just said.
I don't even know what the hell you just said.
You're a liar.
I'll be telling you, I was talking about soup
before you got here, and there was a moment
where you're like, I want a good blended soup
and I don't feel like I can find a great blended soup.
Blended soup, so you know the idea,
something that's got more of a puree texture.
Like puree, yeah.
Okay, like a split pea soup,
or like pea soup is usually-
That I can find, but that's not what I want so much.
Okay. I want like, we were talking about at this corner bakery.
Yes.
I got a broccoli cheddar soup.
I almost just spelled.
And that is a stretch to call it that.
Yeah.
Oh, you spelled.
It was fondue.
It was a liquid cheese that I'm expected to drink.
There were the tiniest bits of broccoli in there.
I had like one bite and was like, I can't,
I threw it away.
There's no like, I want like a broccoli puree
or even if you get like a tomato soup here,
a bisque.
Yes, right.
It's usually full of like sugars, even though
tomatoes are so sweet.
It's just like, you can't find vegetables in a
soup and in the UK, this sounds like a weird
sponsored, but this but these Covent Garden
soups, I got like 10 of them for probably like
10 pounds and each one was like two meals and
the bread there doesn't hurt my stomach like it
does here.
Wow.
And I was just so happy.
And everybody talks shit about the food in the UK,
but there's, I think like next to no factory
farms, a lot stricter rules around like antibiotics
and pumping your food full of bad shit.
This is my soup advocacy.
Does this answer your question
or is this just a weird one?
Very much so.
I went to London when I was a boy.
What are you now?
Now a man, of course.
Let's see those pubes.
He keeps asking, I'm not going to show him.
Well, how many times does he have to ask?
What if?
If you show the pubes, then you consent to Enbra and this is compromise.
I don't need to see what's under there.
I've changed a baby.
Okay, well, let me tell you.
That baby's got a few more pubes than a normal baby.
Just a few. Wait, what were we talking about? Pubes?
It's hard to go back. Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, pubes.
Pubes soup.
When you were a boy.
Oh, I went to London when I was a boy.
Yeah.
Just for vacation, I didn't, uh, I didn't, uh, I wasn't, I didn't attend
Hogwarts or anything like that.
Well, really Mitch, you didn't attend Hogwarts?
Despite being a wizard?
I didn't attend Hogwarts.
Um, uh, I, we, we gotta get JK Rowling on the pod, right?
That piece of shit.
I never liked the Harry Potter books ever,
and I'm kind of proud that I never did,
because then she turned out to be kind of a hateful
piece of shit.
I never liked the books, but I love her.
The best stance you can have.
But I went over there, I think when I was in third grade,
and my sister got mono, it was like a big family trip.
Oh no. My sister got mono, and then my mom had to stay, and my dad and I went with my sister got mono. It was like a big family trip. Oh no. My sister got mono and then
my mom had to stay and my dad and I went with my godparents family. But the thing then was like
the food in London is bad. That's what everybody says. That's what everyone says. But I'm like,
that can't, there's so many celebrity chefs that come out of London or just England.
What happened? You're canned dinged? Yeah, I'm canned dinged.
I don't know if it was picked up by the mic.
Can you, your water glass is on the edge of the coaster
and it looks like it's about to fall, thank you.
It's like a final, it's like final destination over there.
Yeah. I feel like I've forced you over there
because I've taken all of this.
No, this is my normal spot. It's just always chaos.
And it's above, it's like above like a plug-in,
like a power strip. Oh, the most dangerous place. Yeah, it's final like a plug-in, like a power strip.
Oh, the most dangerous place to be.
Yeah, it's final destination-y.
I spilled last night.
Did you?
Yeah, I spilled a glass of wine all over my manga.
What's a manga?
That was a great sentence.
It's like a comic.
Oh, oh, oh. Jesus Christ.
You just said it properly,
and I'm gonna hear people say it badly.
It took me too long.
So.
Was that a nice bonding experience with your dad?
I'm just wondering, did Natalie come in
cause she heard crying?
One piece is ruined.
I can't see Luffy.
She's like, I put his fucking wine in a sippy cup
and it still happened. That's actually a good idea if you're accident prone
and I am.
Yeah.
A sippy cup, no is that not?
We got sent a thing that was unspilled.
I mean we talked about this a lot.
We did get sent a spill proof cup.
We got sent a spill proof cup and he spilled it.
We had it on a table and we were throwing stuff at it
to see if we could knock it over and we did it.
We were like, okay, it's safe.
And then Michael immediately spilled it.
He spilled it somehow.
It's like impossible to do.
Yeah.
You have to eat, like once it is down,
it's like it won't, you have to like then pick it up straight.
And he picked it up straight and then dropped it on its side.
A fool.
Anyways, that, to me it seems,
I remember I did get McDonald's over there.
I got a cool dragon toy too, I was just saying.
Oh, that's sick.
Because I got a Happy Meal.
But like we got pizza a few times,
but I didn't remember anything, but I was also what?
Eight years old or something, that stood out.
Yeah, they're great, yeah.
That's a good memory for eight.
I mean, there was like some stuff, I remember,
well, I also, I remember I never felt jet lag
like that before. Which when I went for Hidden America,
I went back to London for, that was the first time
I been back to the UK maybe.
Or I was-
This was Jonah Ray's show.
Was that on, what was that on?
So CISO?
On CISO.
Yeah, yeah.
The old CISO, which doesn't exist anymore.
But I went to Ireland when my dad was sick.
That's the next time I went to-
With him? With my dad. Not with was sick. That's the next time I went to... With him?
With my dad.
Not with Jonah Ray.
That would be weird.
My dad was sick so I went traveling with Jonah.
Dad, it sucks you're sick.
I'm gonna go with Jonah over to Ireland.
Hope you're still here when I get back.
That is, I mean, he was like healthy.
When we went, it was like a healthy, nice trip.
That's great.
But I didn't go to London.
And then-
Did you like Ireland?
I loved Ireland.
And the food was good.
I didn't have a problem with the food.
The black bread is great.
Yes.
Every, and toasties, which people didn't know I said it.
And then I think even Irish people are like, what the fuck is he talking about?
Yeah, I'm not sure either.
But the toasties are like toasted sandwiches that were great.
That a lot of places were offering toasties.
Anyways, when I went back to London,
I had good food and I'm like,
it's gotta be just a thing that,
there's so many celebrity chefs there.
It's true.
It just, I feel like it can't be a true thing
that London food sucks.
I think it's probably British food historically
is not like great cuisine, not a great type of food,
but there is a lot of great food in the UK.
Right.
For a variety of reasons.
I think the stereotype is that it's bland,
but I wonder how much of that is all of the things
that are illegal to put in foods there
that you put in here.
Like my friend, I love chocolate and,
well I won't spoil what we have,
I love desserts, like pastry desserts,
but I don't want like Skittles or like Gushers
or just the gummy candies.
But my friend that also did-
Kind of like those.
A lot of people do, a lot of people do.
They're better here-
I'm halfway with you.
Is what I've heard.
That is better here, that would make sense.
Because they're just full of sugar and chemicals.
Right, right, all the additives.
My friend that got them there was like,
these are bad, I'm trying to remember what they are.
In London?
In, this was in Edinburgh,
somebody who was doing the festival too.
Rupchis, you want some Rupchis?
Tastes like shit. I don't wantptures, you want some ruptures?
Tastes like shit.
I don't want that bullshit, I want the corn syrup.
Is ruptures a real thing or you just made that up?
No, I was just saying like, gushers,
the UK version of gushers.
I don't know why that seems so much more like brotesque
to me. It does.
A rupture.
You bite into it and it's like an anal rupture in your mouth.
Why? Dear God.
But no.
Be here with me.
I'm halfway with you.
I like the Skittles, Starburst, that kind of shit I like,
but as far as gummy, I've always said gummy ain't yummy.
And that gets me in a lot of trouble on the podcast,
but I'm not a gummy guy.
It was Starburst, I couldn't remember,
but you got it so fast.
Wow.
It was a Starburst here versus there.
Wow.
And I was like, all right, I'll try one,
and it tasted good to me, but I'm not addicted to the like US Starburst here versus there. Wow. Mm-hmm. And I was like, all right, I'll try one, and it tasted good to me, but I'm not addicted
to the like US Starburst.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
I like a good pink Starburst every so often.
Yeah, what's the best color?
That also sounds like a gross euphemism.
Yeah, it does seem like a Fred Durst line.
I did it all for the pink Starburst.
Give me that pink Starburst.
I used to love Starburst, one of my favorite.
I loved Mambas and then I moved on to,
I mean like Mambas I feel like were kind of went away.
Mambas were great.
They still are made to this day,
but then I think Starburst is like took over
in a lot of convenience stores.
But I'm a pink Starburst guy, Wags.
Yeah, I was trying to think of what my color was.
I did like the pink.
I think this is yellow, orange, red.
I like orange.
Except as I get older, red, I maybe move down.
Red's a little artificially for me.
Little tart.
Yeah.
How much do you like the pink?
Do you ever do two of the pink?
I love the pink.
And one of the stank.
I'll do two of the pink Starburst
and then one brown Starbursts afterwards.
Just shit out a cube?
Two pinks make one, Steve.
Oh, that's funnier.
To shit out a little cube.
I was saying there was like a weird brown Starburst.
This is what the room is for.
Exactly.
But I think the food there is good, hot take,
which I feel like makes my review of,
like everything I say is untrustworthy now.
Kind of like we talked about letterbox last time
where you were like, yours are like mine, which is bad.
I feel like that's what I'm setting us up for
by being like, I love UK food.
You're like, great, let's dismiss anything.
Yes, I liked some, but then I had seen some that,
look, no one's gonna agree on everything.
Not 100%. I saw Civil War, I really liked Civil War. I did too, and I was expecting to really. I had seen some that, look, no one's gonna agree on everything. I saw-
Not 100%.
Civil War, I really liked Civil War.
I did too, and I was expecting to really-
I loved Civil War.
Look at us.
I thought it was so good.
I thought it was so good too.
I haven't seen it yet.
We'll see it sometime this week.
No spoilers, Emma, you didn't see it yet, I assume.
I thought I was gonna be disappointed,
and I really liked it a lot.
I loved it, now I love it too.
I wanna see it again.
Dunst, Dunst is great, isn't it?
Dunst is great.
Love Dunst.
Lemons, come on. Lemmens is good, scary, scary.
And Steve McInley, Steve something,
McInley, Steven McInley something.
Oh God, I was convinced I was gonna get this name
into my brain and I forgot it already.
I think Steven McInley Henderson,
he's also the Mentat from Dune.
Yeah. He's good.
Yeah, he's great.
It was also, I don't know if anybody watched Devs,
but it's like that entire cast is in this movie.
Oh, Devs is great. Devs was great. I don't know if anybody watched Devs, but it's like that entire cast is in this movie. Oh, Devs was great.
Devs was great.
I gotta look up the name,
because I'm like, who is through for Hawat?
Is it him?
Stephen McGinley.
What the hell?
You just said it.
What did you just say?
Is that what you're looking for or something else?
No, but I want to make sure I got the middle name right.
And I don't know if it's Henderson or Henderson.
You sounded like Adam Sandlery for a second, didn't you?
It's Stephen McGinley Henderson.
I would bet $10.
Did anyone hear him? No, what? He went, hoo, didn't you? It's Stephen McKinley Henderson. I would bet 10 whole dollars.
Did anyone hear him?
No, what?
He went, hoo, ha, hoo, he, he, hoo, ha, he, he.
It is Stephen McKinley Henderson.
See, I knew you got it right.
That guy's great.
I would have been like, that's close, but I knew.
So good at everything.
You have to trust me more.
I do trust you.
I didn't trust myself.
But I knew you were right.
I saw in yourself what you couldn't see.
I'm not used to other people being confident in me is the issue.
What are you doing?
Say it like this.
Say it like Sandler.
Stephen McKinley Henderson?
Yeah.
Stephen McKinley Henderson plays two for Hawat in Doom Part 1.
Scenes were filmed but cut for Part 2.
Oh. You sound like a guy in a haunted house.
A priest in a haunted house.
I didn't look this up, and so I'm just repeating
somebody else's impression of it,
but I feel you might enjoy it.
Somebody was saying that the whole cast
was being interviewed about Civil War,
and then he came up and everybody was like,
oh my God, he's the best.
And they were all talking about how wonderful he is. he came up and everybody was like, oh my God, he's the best.
And they were all talking about how wonderful he is.
And then Alex Garland's like,
they cut his scenes in Dune II, those motherfuckers.
And like, that's where the interview ends.
That's really funny.
Yeah. That's really good.
Man, I do wanna see those scenes.
Yeah. I don't know.
It's a case case.
Have you gotten far much into the book yet?
I'll pass on the scene, extra Dune II footage.
How dare you? You don't need it? You got enough'll pass on the scene. Extra Dune 2 footage. How dare you.
You got enough Dune 2 and Dune 2.
I'm gonna leave Dune 2.
Cracked Messiah.
He's got a whole art.
Oh, Messiah, you're already there.
Oh no, I haven't read.
I was gonna just go straight into Messiah.
Oh, got it, got it.
I know the Dune story now so well.
In the back half of Dune.
I wanna see what happens next.
In the back half of Dune, the book, and it's been years since I've read it, but it is like
he has this character,
Thufir Hawat, however you pronounce it,
is the Mentat ends up working with the Harkonnens.
So there's a whole thing going on there.
But it's kind of like, you know,
intrigue, double agent sort of stuff.
Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah.
Because the other Mentat gets killed
when the Duke Leto Atreides has the poison tooth.
Oh, right, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm so glad I watched both of them like two weeks ago
or I would not know anything.
I really don't feel bad about anything I've said
that's been a dud on the podcast after the last 30 seconds.
Not only today, ever maybe.
Yeah, if I hadn't seen it, I would have gone like,
that's probably interesting.
But I know better.
We've both seen it and that was, it was something.
You said something there.
Oh man.
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why so we were talking about writers rooms earlier that's right we were
talking about you know eight the writers room in 1860 or whatever you know what
was the Gettysburg dress 18 something something? Yeah, it would do. The 1860s. But this place that we went to today was for me was a very early, when I worked at the
Simpsons.
I didn't know you worked on the Simpsons.
Did you not?
Maybe I feel like maybe the last time I was on I said the same thing and just short memory.
People like make fun because I brought it up so many times on the pod, but I worked there for, from the writer's strike,
the 2007 writer's strike is right around then
as when I started.
Oh wow.
And then the Simpsons movie came out right around then too.
Yeah.
And then for like-
Your Homer stand in?
Yes, it was a live action and then they animated it.
Why are you so mean to him?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Thanks.
Can I feel bad?
And now, do you appreciate his apology?
Yeah, sure.
Apology accepted.
Can we go get some sweet treat?
Sure, I think we could go down and have some.
Pink Starburst?
Some sweet pink Starburst? Two pinks.
Some sweet pink Starbursts.
And maybe a chocolate frosty milkshake.
Yeah!
Season one Homer.
Two in the pink, one in the stink.
That's perfect.
He's talking about Marge there, that's horrible. He's a don't want to think about that. You don't want to think about that with Homer talking about Marge?
Him and Barge?
It's fucking sick.
And so you did CPK there all the time?
Is that where you were?
So that was like, it was one of the go-to
spots when I was there was, and it was like,
oh yeah, California pizza kitchen.
And so 2007, I had, I had had it.
There was actually one in the transportation building,
which my dad worked in in Boston, which then
now is an Emerson building.
Uh, Emerson was a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big There was actually one in the transportation building,
which my dad worked in in Boston,
which then now is an Emerson building.
Emerson bought it, right?
Oh yeah, yeah, Emerson owns it now.
It was still at the transportation building
when I went there though.
Yes, and the CPK was there, right, or no?
It's not there now.
It wasn't there when I lived there.
It was on the corner.
Oh no, that was the Panera. I think it was in wasn't there I think you're right there was one that went in
there at one point and then there was the the other the Chinese restaurant
that we go to a lot Chinese food restaurant that definitely wasn't there
when I was there you know what I'm talking about the one in we've we've
we've been a chain a chain yes Chang's yeah that is still there I got
poisoning there oh man I deleted it from my memory. P.F. Chang's and CPK like moved. More like BM Chang's. Yeah, those moved into the transportation building when my dad was working there and probably like, whatever, the late, early to late 90s, early 2000s. Yeah. And I remember having California pizza kitchen and like and I was so excited. I loved pizzas, my
favorite food. And having California Pizza
Kitchen and maybe actually honestly, my first
experience with it was the frozen food because
they pretty quickly had it. I mean, they've been
around forever is also the other thing.
Well, I think that's more your East Coast
experience because I'm from out here and I remember
when California Pizza Kitchen was like a cool like restaurant you would
go to.
I'll get the facts out real quick.
What is founded in 1985 in Beverly Hills by two retired federal prosecutors, Rick Rosenfeld
and Larry Flax.
Hell yeah.
Locking up the bad guys.
They got O.J. right.
The restaurant invented barbecue chicken pizza
and they now have just under 200 restaurants
in 11 countries. Scourge.
Plus frozen pizzas and salad dressings.
Did I say that right?
Scourge. Scourge. Scourge.
Yeah, I like barbecue chicken pizza.
How do you feel?
You know, I also never really want it,
so I don't know if I like it.
I get, like, I think I've like tried a bite.
I think same thing, just too sweet. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like muddied the same way I don't love if I like it. I think I've like tried a bite. I think same thing, just too sweet.
Yeah. Yeah.
It feels like muddied the same way
I don't love mint chocolate chip.
I'm like, I'll use toothpaste.
And I'll have chocolate, but I don't want them together.
Mint chocolate chip I like as an ice cream cone,
but I, on an ice cream cone, but I-
Not in a cup?
I'll do it in a cup sometimes.
I don't, it's not my go-to anymore.
I just want more hardline chocolate.
I went right to the source. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a vanilla guy. Yeah, we know not my go-to anymore. I just want more hardline chocolate. I want it to the source. Yeah, yeah.
I'm a vanilla guy.
Yeah, we know.
Vanilla's a flavor.
Oh, you're talking about ice cream.
Yeah.
We all went to this thing.
Yeah.
We know you're boring.
It's an exotic bean.
I know it's an exotic bean.
There is such a difference between vanilla
and vanilla bean.
I don't know why anything is flavored like
vanilla when the option of vanilla bean is
there, even though all vanilla is, should be
vanilla bean, but it's not.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I know exactly what you mean.
I think it's cause it's cheaper to just do it
with a vanilla extract, to do it with, you know,
like a chemical.
Can you name one other exotic bean?
Coffee.
I sure can.
There you go.
That's a good one.
Fuck.
Fuck.
So the-
Is there another?
Jelly.
Jelly bean?
Pretty good.
I remember-
I know that works.
I remember going to California Pizza Kitchen
when it was still like, kind of like,
oh, this place is interesting.
Oh, you get like a personal pizza and it's like,
but it's like a Thai chicken pizza, you know?
It was like, it felt like it had this gimmick
that hadn't yet turned into something
that's in the frozen food aisle
and also hadn't yet been imitated by everyone.
Because this was a place that like, you know,
Spago, which was Wolfgang Puck's restaurant,
they started doing kind of these exotic pizzas.
CBK, when they found, they poached the Spago pizza chef
and they're like, you're gonna work for us now.
And then that's when they come up
with the barbecue chicken pizza
and all their other creations.
Do you think their price point was higher then too?
I'm sure it was, yeah.
But I mean, I'm sure it was more of a,
because also the other thing I remember, Mitch,
and I don't know if this syncs with your experience,
but they didn't used to have cheese pizza.
They didn't used to have pepperoni pizza.
You're leading right back into what I was talking about.
So I went there.
I think barbecue chicken pizza is Scourge,
which sounds a lot like Scrooge.
Is that what they named Scrooge?
It does a little bit.
It could be, yeah.
And it's old, an old crone is like,
it's like being me, it's like an old lady, right?
Yeah, sure.
Is that what, so crony, is that the same sort of,
is there some sort of?
My mind went to the same place, but I would think not.
Yeah, I guess not.
It seems like crone and crony are different,
but they are so similar sounding.
How about you, Dr. Dictionary, any fucking ideas?
I don't know.
It could have similar origins,
kind of the same root word, but I don't know.
Have you thought about expanding your duo
into including an etymology expert who is here at all times?
I mean, that's so funny.
He's even a sea worm.
If he was on this chair with me, the Jemmy's on his lap.
I'd love to have Stinky in here from the Doe score.
Stinky will clear this up for us.
Stinky is a linguist who is one of our fans.
Oh, cool.
He goes by Stinky.
He goes by Stinky.
Our Doe's chord.
Like has like a PhD or whatever.
He calls himself Stinky.
Looking forward to Stinky's thoughts on the matter.
We all want to hear more from Stinky.
I went in there, I think I tried the barbecue chicken pizza
and was like, oh, I don't really love this.
I mean, now as an adult, I think that I probably
would enjoy it, I didn't get it today
and I haven't had it in a long time,
but it's not, barbecue chicken pizza is not my favorite.
I went to my favorite pizza place this last weekend.
Where's that?
Quarter Sheets, one of my favorite restaurants in LA.
I love it, it's the best.
And they did a barbecue chicken pizza
and they'll do like big corner slices of pizzas
and it was great because it's like, you know,
it's like the best ingredients and everything like that.
But unless it is like the best version of barbecue pizza,
chicken pizza, I don't think I'm gonna like it.
And even then that's probably not what you want from it.
It's not my go-to, no.
It wasn't my favorite slice.
Yeah, of course.
Like I like a classic, you know, cheese slice,
which you couldn't really get.
They didn't used to have that.
Yeah.
And they ultimately as they grew and they were like,
you know what, so many people are like ordering off menu,
let's just fucking cave and do it. They did that did I remember they did like a buffalo chicken pizza at one point
I think I remember CPK having decent
Frozen pizzas like and maybe frozen other like like they're like they're yeah
I never really fuck with their frozen pizzas, but I've heard they're okay. They're frozen stuff
I feel like was okay, but that was like my I think that was maybe my introduction to it
but after that I was like, the CPK suck.
And I kind of had that viewpoint for a while.
And then when I came out here, I had it a couple of times.
Yeah.
And then at the Simpsons, I started to get it quite a bit, like, you know,
like every couple of weeks they, they would order and it would
felt very much at that time.
One, like a writer's room place to go.
Like it felt like the writers were getting it all the time.
And two, like it was on its way out, well, not on its way out,
but its popularity had definitely, like I would go to pick up, pick up orders
and it would be like a few people in the dining room.
And they were kind of older people.
You think that God punished them for caving?
Cause they had these morals of like, these are the pizzas we make.
Interesting.
And then there was pressure and they gave in.
And then it was like, this is what you get.
I think the pizza gods maybe.
It's possible.
It's a possibility.
The Italian pizza gods maybe, you know.
This is a lesson for everyone.
Yeah.
Don't cave.
I was still, we still, I mean, then I still,
it was like always expensive when I would go.
Yeah, sure.
And I don't know if it still is.
I mean, I think it still is kind of expensive.
I mean, it's all these sit down chains are like,
that's the whole thing.
You end up spending, I didn't see what the receipt was today,
but you could very easily spend $30 on a lunch.
$30 and that's like a lot for when you could go
get fast food instead.
Well, I think- Or go to like a local place
that's gonna be a higher quality fare.
This is my thought is that like,
one, it's going to be a higher quality fare. This is my thought, is that like, one, it's going to a fast, like a chain restaurant
that you sit down at, and it's like,
people don't do it as much anymore.
CPK is a hard one to even like, find.
There's one I think at like the Hollywood and Highland Mall
area, and then, or maybe even gone.
And there was, because I mainly got one from downtown today.
She picked it up from downtown.
And there was one on the, I think still on Beverly
was where the one I used to go for the Simpsons.
But it's hard to get to,
no one's gonna go there that often.
Well, but you're also, you're talking about LA in general
because like that's a big LA problem.
You can't find a Chili's in LA.
Like we're like, it's just a lot of these chain restaurants
that have a sit down space, that have a bigger footprint.
CBK is actually something of an exception because they started in Beverly Hills. So there's still
the one in Beverly Hills. I think there's still the one in Westwood. There's still one in Culver.
But in general, I think across the country, if you live in the suburbs, you can find a CPK.
I think they're pretty- Do you think so? I think a lot of the country can.
I don't think I could find one in Massachusetts besides the transportation building.
But sure, maybe.
But I feel like, I don't know, it feels...
And also when you have your...
What are the chain restaurants you love that it's on?
Beverly Grill is one of them.
Oh yeah, South Beverly Grill.
Yeah, part of the Hillstone family.
Hillstone family is like, if you're going to go and sit down for lunch, it's like a
fancy lunch, you're going to go to a Hillstone or something.
Well, that's the other thing,
because these places have kind of taken
the place of this is the higher end, like nice meal out
that something like a CPK or a Spago used to do
in their heyday.
And again, now these are frozen meals
you can get at the grocery store.
But I wanna go back to our guest, Abhi Tal,
because this was your first experience at CPK.
I've been, but like- You have been, okay.
Because as you were talking, I'm like,
oh, right, I think the thing is more that it's like, maybe,
at least this is one very specific experience of it,
but like the kind of thing we would do with Amir's parents
because it's nice enough where you can go and sit down,
but also there's a huge menu for people
that are difficult to please.
For sure.
Kind of like a cheesecake factory or something.
There's just like a lot of options.
And I can't remember what I had. It was, you know, unremarkable enough that I... for people that are difficult to please. For sure. Kind of like a cheesecake factory or something. There's just like a lot of options.
And I can't remember what I had.
It was unremarkable enough that I,
so I've like had, I think he's like brought home
leftovers once before and I maybe had a bite of pizza there.
Amir was saying that he's a big CPK fan.
Yeah, I think the ones in the Valley are going strong still.
Yeah, I still have a lot of,
I'm still pretty partial to CPK a fan of the CPC. I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC.
I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still
a fan of the CPC. I mean, I think that's probably why I'm still a fan of the CPC. I mean, I think that. And it's not doing a bunch of things that are completely outside of like the pizza,
pasta, salad sort of domain.
Uh, and I think they have a few signature dishes like the barbecue chicken pizza,
which I happen to like, and which I got on a visit when I went and got a lunch
duo this past week, um, but also like their chicken tequila fettuccine is like,
that's like a good solid dish that is like a signature thing that I think they execute well, you know,
they get a few things like that. And again, it's like Chili's baby back ribs, you just need a few of those.
I had a good experience. I had a great experience today.
Yeah, I did too. I was very happy. Like did exactly what I wanted it to.
Let me let me let me back it up in a second and talk about my solo mission. And I went to a location I dined in for lunch and I got the lunch duo, which you get two
items of a pizza, pasta, soup, salad or sandwich.
I went with the original, I did a barbecue combo, Mitch, barbecue chicken pizza and the
barbecue chicken chop salad.
Both of which were hitting.
I added avocado to the barbecue chicken chop salad.
I got a very small portion of bread with olive oil.
Who is selecting this bread?
Unkar Plutt?
Yeah, who's back in the kitchen back there?
Unkar Plutt?
Unkar Plutt's back there saying like,
oh, what's this guy wants the lunch doing?
Let me give him his bread.
Time's in Hollywood are tough.
Let me give him his bread.
One quarter portion.
We're like, they're like-
Is that what's going on in the kitchen?
Unkar, Unkar, we know you did the movie.
We know that's like your line, but like, cut it out.
Like, this is the job.
Yeah, knock it off, yeah, stop doing it.
You just have to do this, yeah.
This is just kind of annoying everyone who works here.
You know what's so embarrassing?
I see Unkar at auditions all the time now.
It's, yeah, you guys are going in for the same parts.
Yeah.
I understand feeling self-conscious about that.
I heard that Unkar was like,
I make more at CPK than he did off the JJ Star Wars.
That's how much they screwed him on the contract.
He told me that.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah, he was like a day player, right?
Like sag minimum, I think.
They were like, we wanna bring you back
to do the line for the video game.
And he was like, I honestly, I lose money
by calling out on my shift for CPK to go record this line.
Yeah, I know.
And so they got to sound alike.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's sad that he's like using like real life examples, just so you know,
it's like kind of true.
I was with him.
We were, we were doing an audition and it was in like on the side set in
in car plot type and he was like, what the fuck man?
It's like, you could just get me, You can just offer me instead of making me work.
I was like, I know that sucks dude.
It sucks.
You know the cast? Paul Walter Hauser.
Yeah.
Getting all these roles, getting all these plots.
I mean, we can just be open about it now.
Unkar went out for the Chris Farley biopic.
It was going to be Unkar, yeah.
Yeah, it was going to be Unkar.
And then it was Paul Walter Hauser instead.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know. Gad's still directing. Gad is, but I heard that Qbert was up for it too, And that it was Paul Walter Hauser instead. Yeah. Yeah.
Gadd's still directing.
Gadd is, but I heard that Qbert was up for it too,
so I feel like there's a weird.
Cause they were like together.
Family dynamic.
Yeah, that's a weird thing.
Yeah, I think, did they split?
Is that what it was?
I think that is what it was.
It was going to be like.
Gadd and Qbert split.
They split up.
Gadd and Qbert were married at one point.
I don't know if you knew this.
Oh, okay.
No, no, I don't.
I heard Qbrick and I was like, I don't think that's the one one. I'm out of touch.
The Farley Wilder?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see what happens.
All that said-
That's a good point.
It might never happen.
I also got it.
Who are you waving at?
I'm actually waving at Jake Johnson.
Not gonna wave to Jake Johnson.
Wow, okay.
Come on now.
Big moves happening outside the window.
Can you do the wave again?
I just wanna see your level of enthusiasm.
Cause I turned to see and I missed how enthusiastic
the wave was or wasn't.
I gave a very friendly Hollywood wave.
Right.
Hey, new girl reboot needs a tubby Timmy next door.
I'll be out, sign me up baby.
You see plot at the audition.
Fuck.
What's the non Hollywood wave?
Oh, that's cool Mitch.
That should be your Hollywood wave.
Yeah, I agree.
Get out of here.
People want someone a little out of reach, a little cold.
Yeah, you should be big timing people for the Hollywood wave.
Oh yeah, there's Pete Holmes.
Okay, there he goes.
I gotta stop making fun of him.
We might have to edit that out.
I've made fun of feed homes like seven times.
The lunch duo was hitting.
And it was a good value.
I think it was like $12.99.
It was like an extra $1.50
because I added avocado to the salad.
But I was like, this is fucking great.
And it was a great amount of food
for like one man eating by himself.
There were a number of solo diners there.
So I was like, oh, a lot of people are coming here
on their lunch break from work,
and because it's just like a good value in the neighborhood.
I got an iced tea lemonade.
I had the, you know, some people call it the Arnold Palmer,
I called it the Nick Weigert, I got a Nick Weigert,
and it was, that was hitting too.
And I didn't end up spending like,
I think I spent less than 20 bucks.
It was like, I was like, this is,
I was very content with it.
And I think the lunch duo you can only get in store, I don't think you can get it to go, but it was a thing where it's And I think the lunch duo, you can only get in store.
I don't think you can get it to go,
but it was a thing where it's like, man, this is-
Oh no, you can get it to go.
Amelia got it to go today.
Oh, well there you go.
Or I think it was a little bit more maybe to go.
It says $12.99.
Hey, look at that.
Yeah.
So yeah, I was like, this is a tremendous value
and this is a very scrumptious meal.
That brings us to what we're getting today.
So I- What do you think?
Live in a van down by the river or one quarter portion?
What do you think is the bigger line of the two?
I think more people have heard by this point
one quarter portion.
Oh my God, really?
Yeah, just numerically.
I think, yeah.
How many people watch that movie
compared to that one SNL sketch?
That one SNL sketch.
You think more people know one quarter portion
than live in a van down by the river.
I only know live in a van down by the river.
You don't know it?
I only know that one.
Oh, phew.
That's cool.
I like that.
I wonder if anybody else, I didn't know Fast Car,
I only knew the other,
give me one reason to stay.
Oh, wow.
Fast Car I only heard recently.
Wow, Fast Car's a great song.
It's a great song, but I thought she was famous
just for that other song.
Why can't I remember what it's called?
Oh, um, give me one reason, right?
Oh, okay.
I think it is probably what the title is.
Tracy Chapman.
Tracy Chapman.
I did a Spoofma song, you got a fast sleigh,
I did for Santa Claus.
That's good.
It was good.
I'm a fan.
My dating profile at one point had that song
as the background.
Cascar?
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of covers.
Not a lot of swipe rights on that one.
But still.
Well, it's kind of a downer.
Yeah, I know, but the show said I can be moody.
Yeah, I like that.
But the song's about like being with the wrong person
and just like the way life goes. Oh, right. Take the best thingody. Yeah, I like that. But the song's about picking, like being with the wrong person and just like the way life goes.
Oh, right, yeah.
Anyway, today-
Subconsciously pushing them away,
but maybe that's what you wanted all along.
Maybe that is what I wanted all along.
You're moody and you just wanna be by yourself.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Today we got a bunch of stuff.
I will run through what I had on my order
and then everyone else can fill in the blanks,
but dynamite shrimp,
which is a sweetened,
spicy Sriracha sauce, you know, a bit of a heat seeker
to have a couple of sweeters, scallions,
and toasts with sesame seeds.
All right, well, I have it on my list of items.
Why?
I ordered it.
You can't steal my item.
Fine, Mitch can say what he got.
Got the dynamite shrimp.
Whoa, you got that?
I thought Weiger got it.
No, it was me.
I was gonna order it.
And then he actually 86'd
his Southwest egg rolls.
Yeah, they had the avocado egg rolls.
I did not realize had bacon in them.
And I don't eat, I'm not eating pork.
So like, and speaking of which, I-
And they said, I'll just get it on Mitch's Dynamite Shrimp,
which was open for everyone anyways.
Those were good.
They were, it was a great order.
The California Cobb.
Good job, is that what you're looking for?
Yeah, good job, Mitch.
You did such a good job ordering that.
Well, you also got those Buffalo Chicken Bites.
Those were good.
That's true.
They were, so here's the thing is that
I was looking at the CPK calories
and it's scary to look at them.
Oh, for sure.
They're so high.
And I know that we were eating a lot of different,
is Jeremy being cute?
I'm just looking at Jeremy, she's being cute.
I was so afraid that she was pissing. I thought you were whispering that she was pissing and I felt down here
I can't tell
Possibly I may be pissed
I'm not gonna wear a diaper on the show.
It'll be a good Patreon app.
Why?
You refuse to travel, you refuse to wear a diaper.
It just seems like, why dig your heels in so hard?
Imagine if you were a guest in here and then it was like, what the fuck stinks?
And I'm just like, I'm a stinky baby.
Well, I don't want to interrupt the podcast.
I wish that we had gotten those.
When you 86 them, I was sad,
but I also, there was too much already too much stuff.
Already too much stuff.
But the Buffalo, there was, they came in cauliflower bites.
Yeah.
Buffalo cauliflower bites,
but those were more calories than the chicken bites.
You ended up getting the chicken instead.
Yes, I want the chicken instead.
Which is a new item.
They had only the spicy buffalo cauliflower for a while,
which I did think was good.
But I think because this is not as breaded
is the reason it's less caloric.
It's not breaded in butter, or it's not battered
in buttermilk.
But yeah, this is a Sriracha buffalo sauce
with ranch dressing.
A lot of this stuff is kind of like,
this is the thing with the chain like this.
A lot of this stuff is kind of like 10 plus years
behind culinary trends.
Like that cedar plank salmon, which you got,
I felt like the cedar plank was like a thing
like a while ago, but like they're still doing it.
Yeah. Yeah.
It was good though.
It was, you know what?
I actually do, you were very kind to share your salmon
and let us all have a bite of it.
I had a nibble of it, I thought it was quite scrumptious.
Yeah, you were underwhelmed.
Or you were like, it's fine, it's good.
Oh, I thought it was good.
It was like, it's very much the healthy choice.
It is, but it was tasty.
It was tasty.
We were saying for like a chain restaurant salmon,
it was done pretty well.
There was a big piece of wood in the box.
It was surprising to be sent home with it.
They gave you the plank.
They gave you the plank.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just strange.
Walk the plank for the old fish, you know?
Boy, a grim fate.
What was the, are we going around?
Yeah, please.
That's funny, because if you think about it,
how crazy that is, like walk the plank
is usually going into the ocean, but for the fish.
They've never taken a step in their lives.
And then at the very end, they have to walk the plank
and be grilled into your mouth.
Wow.
This has gotten so sad.
I have to say the surprise bite for me that I really liked
was that thing that you so kindly ordered
and shared with everyone,
the new spicy buffalo chicken bites.
They were...
Yeah, that's a pretty good order on my part.
That was so good of you.
And I think that might've been my favorite bite.
They were yummy.
I actually prefer the dynamite shrimp,
but I like them both.
I thought they were both like scrumptious apps.
The dynamite shrimp was Jimmy Walker worthy.
Dynamite!
That's what I'm saying, Wikes.
That's what you were referencing. Jimmy Walk- Remember? They tell you in the Monica song?
Is that what he tells you?
Now, Mitch, yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
You're too young for that.
I'm also too young for that.
That's a reference to a sitcom from the 1970s.
But that's not true because we are- it is weird that we saw old reruns of shitty shows
like that.
Yeah.
But were you watching Good Times?
That was a show, right?
Good Times?
I watched everything on like Nick at Night and bullshit like that.
I feel like I never really saw Good Times.
I can't wait to see who I'm gonna watch.
I'm gonna watch the show.
I'm gonna watch the show.
I'm gonna watch the show.
I'm gonna watch the show.
I'm gonna watch the show.
I'm gonna watch the show. I'm gonna watch the show. I'm gonna watch the show. I'm gonna were you watching Good Times? That was the show, right?
Good Times?
I watched everything on like Nick at Night
and bullshit like that.
I feel like I never really saw Good Times.
I can't wait to see who the cast has,
Sandler and the Chris Farley biopic.
Paul Walker Hauser is gonna get...
It's gonna be like a clumps?
It's gonna be a clump situation.
They're gonna reverse pump him.
I was thinking maybe you earlier with your...
Stephen McConnery Henderson.
It's perfect. I keep picturing, I don't know you earlier with your, Stephen McHenry Henderson. It's perfect.
I keep picturing, I don't know what Good Times is,
but I keep picturing the movie Good Time,
the Stoughty Brothers movie, but as like a Nick at night.
Very different tone.
Really different tone.
I have to assume.
Jimmy Walker in the Hanukkah song,
he references Jimmy Walker saying dynamite, right?
Is that what it is?
I think so. Okay. I think. Gat'll explain it all. In the Hanukkah song, he references Jimmy Walker saying dynamite, right? Is that what it is?
I think so.
Okay.
I think.
Gad will explain it all.
You think I'm gonna go over this?
All right.
They'll have him like in the room trying to figure out
like, oh, what happens next?
So it was like, come on, man, when you figure out this song,
it's gonna be dynamite.
Dynamite.
So this is in the Chris Farley biopic.
Yeah, they'll have Sandler writing the Hanukkah song.
They have to.
There was something like that.
I can't.
It's bad when you try to have a sentence
and you lose all the nouns.
But there's like a movie I'm thinking of
that was like about one thing.
Anyway, I have this.
The Dakota Smash Pee and Barley.
Fine. I did earlier say, no, I don this. I have this. I have this. The Dakota smashed pea and barley, fine.
I did earlier say, no, I don't want pea soup.
And then I ordered the pea soup and I'm saying it's fine.
So that's obviously on me.
The salmon was very good.
The banh mi salad I really liked
and they did not skimp on the avocado.
Wow.
Lots of avocado, big chunks of avocado.
And then I really liked the key lime pie.
That key lime pie was great.
So good.
And that was, you were very kind to share that as well.
It was so nice.
Yeah, I thought that was nice.
Very sweet.
It was very sweet and so was the pie.
Yes. I really enjoyed it.
I feel like I should be an expert
because I'm from Miami and Key West is so close.
But I don't actually, I have no idea.
I'm like, sure.
I can't tell a key lime from Key West.
I went to Key West for Scoop's bachelor party.
Wow.
And it was a blast.
And I did have some good key lime pie.
Can you tell the difference between
like the key lime pie here and there?
I thought today's was fantastic.
It was so good.
It was very sweet, but it was-
Also tart like it should be?
I thought it was tart.
It was well done.
I thought it was-
They've always had a good key lime pie there.
Cause I feel like that's been a staple
at that restaurant for a while.
Thanksgiving song.
Is that where the the dynamite thing is in?
Yes. I mean, no one cares in this room or listening.
I can have this back, thank you.
But that's where it comes from.
Wow. Emma, I got the Cobb salad, which you did as well.
And you were saying that when you used to work at night shifts in Boston,
you would get CPK Cobb salad. you did as well, and you were saying that when you used to work at night shifts in Boston,
you would get CPK Cobb salad.
How did you feel having it today?
Was it like biting into a memory?
It was like biting into a memory.
It was exactly as I remembered it.
It feels like a salad, but it's also got that
creamy blue cheese dressing, which is like,
feels like a creamy indulgence at the same time.
So I had a great time. Yeah, for sure.
I got the same salad and I just got no bacon.
But I do think it's a very solid salad.
The issue was, this is the thing,
and I think we maybe disagree here.
A salad Ty Cobb would be proud of,
because it's a home run.
Ty Cobb would be proud of the Cobb salad.
Because it was a home run.
I'm just saying.
He would not be a fan of America today.
No.
Because he was famously a bigot, but.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He would be a fan of the salad.
Yeah.
Well, you had to get into that stuff.
I thought that was what people knew.
I thought that was like the top line thing of Ty Cobb.
He's just a piece of shit.
He was an all time baseball player, but he was like a complete like, you know.
Also not a fan of his baseball, but big fan of him.
And his politics.
I looked up Jimmy Walker.
It looks like he's got some bad opinions too.
Look, everybody does.
Everyone's got bad opinions.
I got them.
Let's get low back on the show.
Can we get low back on?
Let us have a do-over.
You can't be mad at us for the people
we get on the damn show.
The, okay, so I think this is where you and I and Mitch maybe disagree,
is the shredded lettuce in the Cobb salad.
Now, usually when we disagree, you're right.
So that may just be the case here,
but it's like, I just feel like it feels a little,
I don't know, Mitch, you weren't loving the texture of that shredded lettuce
in your barbecue chicken salad.
I'll tell you who would be proud of that lettuce.
The Ninja Turtles arch nemesis.
Shredder. Shredder.
Yeah, you know, an unrepentant bigot, but.
No, Shredder!
Yeah, Shredder, unfortunately, some really bad politics.
I hate these greenies.
I can't believe you said that word in the pot politics. I hate these greenies.
I can't believe you said that word in the potty. Even if you're sure. Greenies, I'm sorry.
If we were quoting him, Mitch, that's inappropriate.
I am quoting him.
I have no problem with greenies.
I hate these G words.
Please.
I'm gonna have to leave if you say it one more time.
I won't say it.
And I don't stand with Shredder on that.
So...
["SHADOWS"]
If you met my Quincy crew,
we have quite a few greenies in the crew.
Right.
Stop it!
["SHADOWS"]
Uh...
Didn't Chankton vote for Shredder?
["SHADOWS"]
Chankton wrote in Shredder.
["SHADOWS"] Chankton did, but that was more of like a political stance. Right, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Not Crane.
Not Leatherhead.
Baxter Stockman? Not Stockman.
Oh wow.
I don't know who it could possibly be.
Can you name any more Ninja Turtles villains?
Probably a kid if I searched my brain.
Not uh, uh, uh, Taka, what is it?
And Rose, uh, uh.
Toka and Razor. Toka and Razor.
Toka and Razor.
Not Bebop and Rocksteady.
Not Bebop and Rocksteady.
Yeah.
Doof.
Only one guy.
There's one bad turtle, right?
Wasn't there, isn't there one evil ninja turtle?
Yes.
The fuck's his name?
There's also a robot one, isn't there?
There's a robot one, yeah.
Is it Spike?
Is he the bad guy?
Might be Spike.
That sounds right.
I think there's also a, like, a bad Spike and maybe in the Gremlins one is Spike. Oh, that's who, are we, that one be Spike. That sounds right. I think there's also a bad Spike,
and maybe in the Gremlins one is Spike.
Oh, that's who I was.
And then in Buffy, Spike.
That's Spike, yeah, but he's kind of a bad guy.
Good bad guy.
He turns good.
Yeah.
Is he an angel?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Oh, is he an angel?
Not is he an angel?
Yeah.
I think so.
He is an angel.
What is it, in what? Buffy, there's a Spike in Buffy. Oh. I think so. He is an angel. What is it in what?
Buffy, there's a spike in Buffy.
Oh.
James Marsdors.
Like a hunky bad boy.
Oh, sorry, my brain's been really bad
so that poll felt really good.
Yes.
I can tell you what the evil turtle's name was.
Okay, great.
You know what?
You're gonna say Mitch.
Pretty, you were on the right track.
His name is Slash.
Oh.
Pretty good. Post a spike. Yeah, but that's not him either. Shredder would be the guy who would love the salad. Mitch. Pretty you you were on the right track. His name is slash. Oh pretty good hostess bike
Yeah, that's not him either shredder would be the guy who would love salad. It just seems so unrealistic that a turtle would be evil
Yeah
Like notoriously nice turtles. Yeah one Liger's turtle ran away from his house. That's true
You ran away. We had we have two turtles a turtle ran away. Well, here's the thing.
What did you do to that turtle?
I didn't do anything to the turtle.
I loved the turtle.
The turtle ran away.
It was, and the turtle Mitch, this is crazy,
was named Shredder.
This is absolutely true.
Wow.
Because we thought, I think my older brother, Nate.
You like Shredder's politics.
I think my older brother, Nate, did it.
Yeah.
I mean, Nate is a, Nate's an alpha. And it's funny to name a turtle Shredder's politics. I think my older brother Nate did it. And that's why he ran away. Yeah.
Obviously.
Nate is a, Nate's an alpha.
And it's funny to name a turtle Shredder.
So I think it was like, but he was like, he was fast and he ran the fuck away.
And Chip was there solo.
Anyway, but I was going to say, I think turtles kind of are your amoral, like all of nature.
Yeah, I think I have an idea.
I think Shredder saw what you did to that apple at one time.
Wait, did you see him run away or he just was gone? He was just gone. Okay. I think I have an idea. I think Shredder saw what you did to that apple at one time.
Wait, did you see him run away or he just was gone?
He was just gone.
Okay.
I mean, I guess a bird could have taken him.
Yeah.
And then you had turtle soup the next night.
You're like, that's odd.
What?
Nothing.
What?
I hear where you're going with that.
You know what I said? you're going with that.
You know what I said?
Oh, I didn't.
He fucked an apple once.
I did.
That was when I was much older.
The turtle ran away when I was prepubescent.
That doesn't even seem pleasant.
Like the apple pie thing makes sense,
but a cold hard apple?
I read it in a book.
Kind of a prequel to American Pie.
Wow, wait, is this real?
Yeah, I read it in a book.
I read it in a Henry Miller book. Henry Miller's Tropic of Yeah, I read it in a book. I read it in the Henry Miller book,
Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer, I think he talks about it.
And I was like, oh, I'll try this thing out.
And it was underwhelming.
It didn't really work.
But I got the, the thing,
I can't remember if I told this story before,
I've told this part of it before.
The thing that was fun is I did like,
I did, it did explode at a certain point,
which made me feel very powerful.
You know what, did you guys hear like in high school
this was a thing, maybe it's a real thing
that people talk about it as adults too,
but like that if a man drinks pineapple juice,
then like his cum tastes good.
But I bet if you fucking apple, then your dick tastes good.
Probably pretty good.
Well, I said when you were doing it,
did a worm poke his
eye out and said, Occupy.
Would that be a menage a toi?
I think so.
The worm is maybe into it.
The worm got a little hard and bigger.
Uh.
I bet the French word for worm sounds like Minaj.
Like there's probably a pun there that I can't find.
Those frogs probably eat fucking worms.
Easy, Mitch.
What?
So you had the barbecue chicken salad.
What did you think of it?
We went on the stalling tangent.
I enjoyed it.
I think it was a salad that we're proud of. I think that it was a tasty little number.
I...
So you can't talk like that anymore.
A tasty little number?
In a post-MeToo world.
You're not gonna get away with that.
It was a delicious salad.
How was that?
Thank you.
Much better.
Conform.
But there's a little piece of jicama in there, that are nice.
That's fun.
A little bit of corn and the strips.
It works well.
I wish they gave you a little bit more ranch,
but I already was so stuffed anyways
that once I ate the dressing off of the salad,
I was kind of done.
They gave me two little hot tubs of dressing
for one half salad.
I was swimming in dressing.
I had plenty.
They didn't give me.
That was up with the Cobb?
It was with the Cobb, yeah.
They gave me barbecue and one ranch.
But I think, yeah.
You can't have equal ratios of barbecue and ranch.
That's the whole thing.
No, no, it doesn't work.
It needs to be like two to one.
I like that way more than I like,
I like a barbecue salad more than I,
and especially at CPK,
their barbecue salad more than I like
the barbecue chicken pizza.
I probably do too. I'd certainly get the salad more frequently than with the barbecue chicken pizza. I probably do too.
I'd certainly get the salad more frequently
than with the pizza.
And speaking of pizzas, we should get into our sauce side.
I forgot about that one pizza that I had the slice of.
The tostada pizza.
Yes.
Yeah, tostada pizza, that was a-
Oh yeah, we didn't even talk about-
I liked it more than you guys did.
I did like it.
I liked it.
You thought there was something missing?
I thought I needed chicken or something.
It felt like it needed some sort of protein on it.
Let me read the description of this.
This is a crispy thin crust that has black bean
as a base layer, black bean paste instead of a tomato sauce.
Then it's got a queso and jack melted on top of that.
That's how it arrives.
And then there's a separate sidecar to go
of lettuce, tortilla strips, scallions,
ranch and tomato salsa.
And then you kind of are just supposed to like
peer north all of these components
on top of the tostada pizza.
And I actually was kind of fun to do.
Like it was kind of fun to like drizzle everything
and kind of make the pizza pie,
which I thought was gonna be a huge pain in the ass.
You had to do a similar operation for your burrata pizza.
Yeah, I forgot the name.
Is it Neapolitan burrata?
I'll look it up.
We'll bring it up in one second.
There was- I almost got it.
Burrata, what's it called?
What are the- Tomato?
Cherry tomatoes?
I know tomato, basil.
Basil.
Which is also easy.
Burrata, basil, little things of olive oil,
a little thing of olive oil and a little thing of salt.
And so you're supposed to put all, which I did,
I put all the components on there.
I liked that pizza personally.
I mean- That was good, I had a slice of each.
It's pretty basic.
CPK pizza is fine.
It's fine.
It's just not like, it's different
from regular pizza in a way, right?
Like it's not like, like you're saying,'re not going to go there and get a cheese pizza.
Now there is like a four cheese blend pizza, I think, but like it's, you're going there to get like a little, and in there, you know what?
They're like close to individual size.
So you could, if you were hungry, you could probably eat a full one maybe.
But, um, they're meant to be individual pizzas.
And I think very often, like the thing is it's like,
oh, I'll order one, you'll order another one,
and we'll split halves.
I think that's pretty common.
But yeah, but the point of the CBK is not to like,
I'm gonna get a pizza to go
and we're gonna have a pizza party.
It's not that kind of pizza.
It's like a different sort of, again,
it's like going to a Chili's or going to a TGI Fridays
or going to Red Lobster.
It's that sort of experience.
And so you lose a little something in the to-go meal, but I still was pretty happy with everything overall.
Yeah.
You know what that, the Tostada pizza reminded me of?
This is maybe a long walk that's not worth it.
But do you ever crave like, instead of like a good cookie
or like a good cake, you want the grocery store cake
where it's like-
For sure.
Not, you know it's not better,
but it just kind of tastes better in that.
That's what like, and I feel away about Taco Bell
a lot of the time where people are like, well, there's a Del Taco, or like a, you know it's not better, but it just kind of tastes better in that. That's what like, and I feel away about Taco Bell
a lot of the time where people are like,
well, there's a Del Taco, or like a better Mexican place.
I'm like, no, I want Taco Bell.
I want this shitty. 100%.
That's what that pizza tasted like to me.
It was like, oh, this is the right kind of bad.
I'm into it.
You're basically describing like the whole podcast.
Cause that's all we're doing is all going to these places
where better food exists,
but sometimes you're craving exactly what this
particular chain offers. Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
I didn't, I wasn't even, and maybe it's because
same thing when I do go to Taco Bell, I'm not
doing any meat. I'm only doing like the vegetarian
version. So I wasn't missing anything. I was
like, this really hits a spot that I wasn't even
expecting to.
I didn't think it was bad. I thought it was like,
it was a pretty well done. Honestly, the drop
off from when I was a Simps's PA till now was not crazy.
Can I ask since you mentioned Taco Bell, we
recently, um, record, uh, actually concluded
our Taco Bell tournament.
Oh wow.
Which was, uh, uh, you know, Doe Chiaro Taco Bell
and the beefy five layer burrito, which I
imagine you don't eat, ended up winning.
But Mitch and I are split on the spicy potato soft taco.
Do you like that spicy potato soft taco?
This is so embarrassing, but I got the thing that I loved
and then I just never...
I think I once did like a burrito and I was like,
no, back to the chalupa.
I just do the vegetarian chalupa with like,
what was Baja sauce but now is ranch, spicy ranch.
That's a good, that's a great menu item.
You know, black beans?
I do with the refried beans.
Refried beans, promo.
The spicy ranch is unwise or that's not actually,
I think, but there is a ranch
on the cheesy Gordy de Crunch.
Oh, that's good.
But I probably would, I love potato.
So I probably would like the potato taco.
I just, whenever I go, it's like, I want,
and it's kind of like what you were saying,
Emma, taking a bite of your childhood.
It was like the thing that I would get drunk
when I was like 15, my first like non-kosher,
but I would still do like the kosher-ist,
like still no meat, you know?
But it just feels like, yeah, that's what I want.
Wow.
Are you a chalupa person?
I do like the chalupa, but I think probably.
Like what's a better bread than a fried bread?
No, it is fun.
The thing with the chalupa is like,
that's not an every time item for me,
cause it's like very heavy.
Not good for you.
Are you trying to get healthy items from Taco Bell?
I'm not trying to get healthy, but not at all.
Like I'm not under no illusions about what I'm doing,
but it's just more like a balance of different items.
So like if I'm getting that, then like,
that's gonna be the, you know,
that's gonna be holding down this whole order.
So I may be limited in some of the other things
I can choose.
I don't know, I probably overthink it.
You go for variety over.
Spicy Ranch is on the Cheese Gourmet Crunch.
Yeah, it's good sauce.
Is that your favorite?
Cheese Gourmet Crunch is my favorite.
And there's a big, it's just complicated.
Yeah, I understand.
It's not complicated.
There's nothing complicated about it.
It did not win the tournament, so Mitch is mad.
Pretty simple.
I do feel like this is a thing that people take really per...
Everybody has like their Taco Bell order.
Yes.
And they don't want nothing else.
He's just talked about the cheesy Gordita Crunch for years,
and then also the potato soft taco.
I like the cheesy Gordita Crunch.
It's one of those fucking things.
Hey, wow, Mitch.
So if anything, so like I perhaps was biased towards one item,
and then another item, I
objectively was able to see its quality over the thing I had some inherent favoritism towards.
Maybe that makes me a better, more neutral judge.
Maybe I'm just a better arbiter of justice.
You combated your cronyism.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Well said.
Thank you.
Fuck off, you old crone.
Full of shit.
I'm saying he you old crone. I'm full of shit. I'm serious. You know what I'm saying? He's an old crone.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Uh, I, uh, look, Mitch, he makes it
so his thing wins the tournament.
Shut up, fucking.
You did try to rig it.
In-N-Out has won.
Which is fine.
Your fucking Potato Soft Tacos won more.
You're, this guy's the rigger.
So you named two examples in the 90 years
we had the tournament?
There's more.
There's more. There's more, look in the 90 years we had the tournament?
There's more.
There's more, look at the numbers.
You ever call him Nick Rigger?
Look at the numbers.
I should.
Nick, you rig things.
I don't rig anything.
Trying to look up 19th century foods.
Was this to go to back to the-
Still trying to do that bit.
I don't feel like we might be able to get one.
Well, I mean, did California exist when they had this?
Yeah, California would have had statehood by then.
No.
Well, there goes the, want to try this new state?
Oh God.
What?
California pizza kitchen.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There's something where California just was, you know.
God, this is extremely unhelpful. It used to be called Mexico pizza kitchen. You know, there's something where California just was, you know. God, this is extremely unhelpful.
It used to be called Mexico pizza kitchen.
That's pretty good.
This is extremely unhelpful.
Buffalo Wild Wings is Buffalo Wild West.
That's good, Mitch.
That's good, Mitch.
Yeah, this is the category for Wikipedia's 1860s in food has a sub category, food and drinks introduced in the 1860s.
And then it's food and drink introduced in 1863.
Takes us to another page, which is frozen food.
How is that helpful?
And then it says food and drink introduced in 1866.
This is way too hyper organized. And then it has food and drink introduced in 1866. This is way too hyper organized. And then
there's another one for Breyers. So guess Breyers ice cream launched in 1866.
Wow, Breyers.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Yeah.
Probably made that fucking Lincoln's stove top hat fucking shoot off his head when he took a look
at that.
It was, I think it would have already passed away by then.
Oh, 1866.
1866, yeah.
When did he die? 64, five?
I should know the exact year.
I think it was 65.
I wonder if pre-Briers, the only ice cream you could get
is if someone made it and gave it to you?
Had to have been. Yeah.
Yeah, they didn't have any sort of like
way to freeze things in mass quantities.
Right. Yeah.
So it would have to be made on the spot.
Time travel seems cool until I think about no AC.
And I think that I would just not like it ever.
Yeah, there's lots of, lots of stuff would suck.
What's also like for a lot, for much of history,
no flush toilets.
So we're gonna get a shit in a fucking bucket.
That's right.
The outhouse.
The Wild West was just like shit.
Like the streets were like full of shit.
Fucking disgusting.
And no one was washing their hands.
Yeah, I'm cool with that.
Also the pissing outside I'm kind of cool with.
It's only the shitting outside.
It's only the shitting that's disgusting. Yeah. And like the streets were like filled with that. Also the pissing outside I'm kind of cool with. It's only the shitting outside. It's only the shitting that's disgusting.
And like the streets were like filled with shit.
Right. Basically.
Yeah. Yeah.
The streets just lined with feces.
Yeah.
Hot.
Yeah.
Disgusting.
It was, that was the road.
It's true, it's gross.
The road was the shit.
We talked about before that the-
The shit less traveled.
I don't know.
I don't know, where are we?
I think I said this on the podcast before,
but that's like, there were the Roman,
the bathhouses, which is everyone talks about the bathhouses,
but they had the shit houses,
where everyone would go take their big shits.
And they had communal sticks with sponges on them
that people would use as toilet paper.
So you would, and I guess the way they would,
quote unquote, sanitize it would be like, and I guess like the way that would quote unquote sanitize
it would be like dipping in vinegar between uses.
So you'd be rubbing like vinegar on a sponge
that like a hundred other people used on your asshole
after you just like shit in front of a bunch of strangers.
How did more people not just die?
I don't know.
That is so disgusting.
It's so disgusting.
Like I'm grossed out to go into a porta potty.
Yeah, I don't like that. Let alone to grossed out to go into a porta potty.
Yeah, I don't like that.
Let alone to use like the vinegar ass loofah.
Exactly.
It's so bad.
I'm surprised.
I bet you the head gum honks.
I bet you it's like a thing where that's like, it's actually like more hygienic.
Fucking.
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[♪THEME MUSIC PLAYING FADES out.]
We should get to our final thoughts
on California Pizza Kitchen 2.
So Avital, his how this will work.
We'll each go around, give our closing argument.
I can't believe there's only two for California Beats.
Isn't that wild?
We've only done it twice.
In the story, the history of the podcast,
we've been to IHOP six times, five or six
times, but we've only been to CBK twice.
How many times now?
Ten times.
Ten times.
Ten times it.
Shut the seven year itch of longing for it.
I guess so.
God, seven more years, you'll be 50.
How old will you be?
48.
Yeah. Will you be 50? Are you 43? I'm 43 yeah.
Old doughboys? I mean I don't know we're gonna keep doing this for seven more years.
I don't think 50 is old. I'm just saying you're not, when you hit 50 you're getting closer.
You don't want to still be doing this. You don't want to still be reviewing fast food.
Yeah.
But we probably will be.
You're bringing joy to the masses.
I guess so.
Beautiful.
And what better way to celebrate 50 than with CPK.
Wow.
Well said.
Let's get to our closing argument.
So your thoughts, your fork score, Avital, you're our guest.
We'll start with you.
Oh, you know, guest. We'll start with you. You know, solid.
I'm happy.
I'll go three and a half.
Three and a half forks, good score.
What do you think, Spoonman?
This is hard.
I don't know.
A part of me wants to give it four forks
because it knows what it's doing.
Sure.
It's making these specialty pizzas. It just feels really like a place that the world
is leaving behind soon and I just don't know how long,
you know, oh, there was news that Jersey Mike's
was gonna get bought.
Did you see that?
Jersey Mike's was gonna get sold for like
a couple billion dollars.
I didn't see that yet.
To like some horrible, like, you know,
like a Yum Foods type. Yeah, there's all these, look, all know, like a yum foods type.
Yeah.
There's all these, look, all these companies
are owned by private equity.
I haven't actually haven't seen which, you
know, which Russian nesting doll corporation,
corporate conglomerate owns California
pizza kitchen.
I should look that up.
But it's that scary thing of you're like,
Oh no, Jersey Mike's, there's like a good
chance the quality will go down once it's
bought up.
Uh, cause one of our, one of our great new,
uh, I mean, it's not new anymore, but one
of the places that we love.
I'm surprised that CPK has kept the quality.
I mean, today it was, it was good.
It was good.
So I don't know.
I might go just four forks wise.
I might be nice.
Four forks, good score.
It looks like CPK.
I almost feel convinced as you were, especially the way that it's been left in the dust,
it really tugged on my heartstrings.
I mean, like the way it got left in the dust, I would expect it to be way worse
than it was today and it's not at all.
It feels, I mean, I don't even know if it's a dying chain.
I could be wrong.
Maybe it still does like a ton of lunch specials and it still does decent dinner
stuff, but I think it's rec like a ton of lunch specials and it still does decent dinner stuff, but I-
I think it's receded a little bit.
I think the, like all these sit down chains,
again, with a large footprint, with the big dining rooms,
the pandemic hit them pretty hard
and they never fully recovered.
So I think, and talking about its corporate ownership,
it's currently owned by Nestle,
pretty onerous evil corporation.
Previously was owned by Golden Gate Capital LP.
So again, you know, it's like-
That sounds normal.
Yeah.
It's like a Marvel villain.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're always putting money
into the pockets of monsters, unfortunately.
I had a song, I had a parody song
I was gonna sing tonight, I forgot it.
Or CBK?
Yeah, and I can't think of what it was.
Wish they all could be California pizza.
That was it.
That was it.
I think it might've been way,
I think if you remember the Awesome Powers BBC One,
I think it may have been CPK to that,
but I don't know.
That's pretty good.
I don't know, I can't remember.
Can you do a back in the,
you can't really,
VKR, CPKR for restaurant. Oh, CPKR. CPKR. I don't know, I can't remember. Can you do a back in the, you can't really,
C-P-K-R, C-P-K-R for restaurant.
Oh, C-P-K-R, I think that works.
Back in the C-P-K, back in the C-P-K, back in the C-P-K-R.
And then like, R stands for restaurant,
you can just add an extra line.
Yeah, no, I can't remember.
I should write things down constantly.
My notes app is just thoughts that I have to do throughout the day mixed in with stupid
doughboy's thoughts.
Let's see here.
Call Cedars to see if I owe anything.
Okay.
You're calling a hospital?
Yeah.
Pay Louisiana taxes.
Okay.
Oh, we worked in Louisiana when you were shooting,
you were down in Dubai, you were shooting Twisted Metal.
Mm-hmm.
How'd you like that?
I was very hot.
I liked it, but I did like it quite a bit.
It was good, yeah.
Now I can't even find...
You hired a Louisiana accountant as a thing,
and he turned out to be a gator.
Classic Louisiana swap, they call that.
Oh, I know your taxes.
That's also just what you call a gay attorney.
Gatorney.
Whale Rider sequel to the whale, which we brought up.
That's good.
You did say that before. That's good. You did say that before.
That's good.
You see the whale?
Uh, no, but I just keep thinking somebody I work with keeps saying that spoiler for
anybody who's listening, that it's like a story about a guy who's so fat and so
scared and then he finally takes one step and dies.
I was like, yeah, I don't need to watch that.
It's basically, it's real bad. It's it's I burn a phrase. There's good in yeah, but I don't need to watch that. It's basically, it's real bad.
It's, Iberian Fraser is good in it,
but it's just like, it's,
as he, he just jacks off.
He watches porno, he jacks off, he's meatball subs.
And then when he does, takes that last step, he floats.
So like he takes a step and then there's,
it's like, my jaw dropped in the theater when it happened.
He floats. Like he takes one and then the other one, like the other foot doesn't land on the ground, like he's a step and then there's, it's like my jaw dropped in the theater when it happened. He floats.
And then the other one, like the other foot
doesn't land on the ground, like he's ascending into heaven.
And it's because the step killed him?
Yeah, it's because his daughter,
whose essay he's obsessed with, his essay about Moby Dick,
which he wants, he starts to jack off,
then he has a heart attack,
and then he has someone read the essay to him.
When he's dead, while he's- While he's dying.
And then his daughter ends up coming later on,
like she shows up in the movie and they're like,
there's this tense relationship,
but then she talks him into taking steps towards her.
And that's when he dies and floats to heaven.
While reading the essay to him.
While reading the essay to him.
Yeah, finally hearing it from her mouth.
I mean, you watch it, put it on, why not?
I don't know, it sounds like a lot of reasons why not.
But I like the whale rider as a sequel to it.
Yeah, that was the... I've used it I think four times since I wrote it down.
Jared Shaw is in Civil War, that's what I...
because I told myself to text Jared.
Your buddy from Tomorrow War.
My buddy from Tomorrow War.
From Tomorrow War to Civil War. Don't the guy, he's the guy. Don't, no Mitch, Mitch, Mitch. Yeah, is there a way without going in a way?
Mitch, I won't say anything, I won't say anything.
It's a spoiler.
It's a spoiler.
Okay, you'll tell me after.
Or I can look it up, I have the internet in my pocket.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you after.
Okay, great.
Let me get my thoughts.
I'm so good.
I like California Pizza Kitchen a lot.
I am a fan, I've been there a bunch.
Natalie and I will get it to go sometimes.
I think it is, I think you're absolutely right, Mitch.
It's sometimes a dreary dining experience Nellie and I will get it to go sometimes. I think it is, I think you're absolutely right, Mitch.
It's sometimes a dreary dine-in experience
because these places are,
they've seen better days,
but I will say I got great service when I went.
And I do just like the food.
I like what they do.
I think it's pretty solid.
I think this is a four forker, honestly.
I don't see a reason to go below the four forks threshold.
I'm gonna say I said 3.5 because I said four.
Well, you kind of ruined the whole day for everybody
with your 3.5 score.
I've only been on here once before and I gave it a four
and I was just afraid to play myself,
you know what I mean?
Wow.
Mendocino Farms, which we're all pretty high on
and we had a good experience.
Unfortunately, your score is locked in,
you ruined it for CPK.
Okay, okay, is there like an extra credit I could do
to lift it, or?
Well, you're talking to the wrong guy.
This guy loves homework.
No, I think you can amend your score.
I don't think you need to do any sort of-
Wow.
Yeah, we change it all the time.
Yeah, we do it all the time.
Mitch was doing a bit, Mitch was having a laugh.
No, it's special for me.
No, no, you can change, if you want to change it for,
but I don't want us to pressure you.
Don't let us persuade you, because it's fine. You know what's funny? I think in a weird way, you can change, if you want to change it for about, I don't want us to pressure you. Don't let us persuade you because it's fine.
You know what's funny? I think in a weird way,
I was like, this salmon's really good.
And you were like, yeah, it's okay.
And then I was like, all right, three and a half.
Oh, wow.
Even though I liked it, I'm just a loser
with no backbone who was easily persuaded,
just like fucking CPK, the poetic irony of them
not sticking to what they believed in
and just trying to service
the crowds with all the fan favorite pizzas.
My negative energy was, yeah, it's okay
that that changed everything.
But really it's a me problem,
cause I should have held steadfast in my beliefs.
Well, you say whatever you want.
Say whatever you want, you can stick with three
and a half, you can go up to four.
It feels like a four, it feels like Mendo level.
Wow. Wow.
Also that key lime really bumps it up too.
Honestly, that may be worth a half fork in and of itself.
Wow, welcome to the Gold Play Club California Beach.
How about that?
You know what?
A score Abraham Lincoln would be proud of.
Four score.
Wow.
Four score.
That's good, Mitch. Four score. Wow. Four score. That's good, Mitch.
Four forks is a four score.
A four score.
I like when you say that's good, Mitch.
You sound like a proud dad.
You wouldn't be proud.
You would not.
I mean, he's proud of me sometimes.
I'm proud of you.
That was your offspring.
I don't think you'd be happy.
Look, your dad wouldn't have been proud of you,
and I'm not gonna have a son,
so this is the next best thing for both of us.
I can be proud of my friend Mitch.
I tell you that I'm lucky my dad passed away before Doughboys.
He didn't have to see this fucking bullshit.
He's like, he'll figure something out.
He might become a lawyer or something, I'm sure,
as he was passing away.
But no, we did a fast food podcast instead.
The Minions menu gets four forks.
That's what you're doing.
Hey, that was our review.
Oh, I didn't give out my Weigars little nibbles at noon,
which I resuscitated with Johnny Pemberton
because they did have a lunch meal.
How could you almost forget this?
I think there's a pretty clear Little Nibbles at Noon winner, which is that
that Unkar Plutt prepared small portion of bread with olive oil. It was quite yummy,
but it was very, very small.
Shout out to Pemberton. Shout out to Zach Cherry. Shout out to John Daly, all in the
Fallout TV show.
Everyone in the Fallout TV series. How about that?
I love Zach Cherry. I don't know him, I just like him.
He's a great dude.
He's great.
Well, you know what?
He's gonna listen to this episode,
because he hasn't listened to the podcast,
and he'll let us know what he thinks about you.
Whoa.
So pass that along.
Can we take, can we go back?
He's in two of the best shows ever?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say, Succession and the Ben Stiller one.
Severance, thank you. And Follow now. Follow's a lot of blast. I would say succession and the Ben Stiller one. Severance.
Severance, yeah.
Severance, thank you.
And follow now.
Follow's a lot of blast.
I'm hearing good things.
Amen.
Zach, what are you doing?
Don't listen to this shit.
Cut us out.
Cut us out of it.
Make me sound good in front of Zach.
I don't know, say something nice about me or say something.
She changed her score to four.
I changed my score to four.
Going to revise her fork score, pretty cool.
I'm open to growing and changing and being corrected.
She's open to growing and changing and being corrected.
Thank you.
Pretty cool.
Pretty mature.
And you said that all on your own.
Word, exedem.
Down to the lexicon.
You didn't know it.
You know it now.
I can't believe you both knew cronyism.
I feel like crony is like a lesser used,
I don't know, even as a prefix,
like a X, X we say all the time.
Yeah.
In a different way, but still.
I don't know why, where I heard cronyism,
but I'm certainly familiar with it.
I know cronyism.
Did you guys know it?
No, I didn't know it.
Thank you, thank God.
I'm familiar with the word,
but don't think about it often.
Would you have known what it meant?
I would assume, because I know what a crony is.
Right. Yeah.
So I would assume it was.
Right, I like how intuitive it is,
but then I still had never heard it.
Like patricide, another sort of intuitive word
that you just don't hear.
Oh yeah.
Infanticide, any of the asides, really.
Can we get a side of a side?
If I was his son, there would be some patricide or infanticide.
Yeah, you're a baby.
Yeah.
After I shit my diaper in the room,
he'd probably try to strangle me.
I always think Jemma just looks so over it.
This happens.
He just gets done with the podcast at one point. And I don't blame her. I love the gem that just looks so over it. This happens. Give me a check down.
She just gets done with the podcast at one point.
I don't blame her.
Showing off her belly.
Aw.
Look at that big old belly.
I think the belly looks great.
It does.
You know what?
She had a little whipped cream treat.
Yeah.
For lunch.
That's right.
What do you think she would give it?
I bet four forks.
She's a real freak for whipped cream.
If you just take it out of the fridge
and shake the can, she comes running.
So I imagine you're like in the whipped cream bikini,
like in Garth's.
Yes.
It was supposed to go on our key lime pie,
and then so, and we didn't eat it.
And so,
Didn't eat it.
Emma was, it was feeding Jemmy,
and then Weiger got on all fours
and got behind Jemmy and mine to eat some.
I was hungry. He was hungry. And Jemmy and mine to eat some. I was hungry.
He was hungry.
And Jemmy started humping me to assert dominance.
Hey, that was our review of California Pizza Kitchen
for the second time.
Here's the segment.
I've chosen a cake, and Mitch and Avi Tal
must divide a series of clues to guess what it is.
The winner takes the cake.
The loser goes home empty stomached.
This is Cake It Off!
Wow.
Because the baker's gonna bake, bake, bake, bake, bake.
And my belly's gonna ache, ache, ache, ache, ache.
Baby, I'm just gonna cake, cake, cake, cake, cake.
I cake it off, I cake it off, ooh, ooh, ooh.
All its layers gonna lay, lay, lay, lay, lay.
And the fondant makes it fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Baby, I'm just gonna cake, cake,
cake, cake. I kick it off. I kick it off. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Okay.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Goo?
I was trying to think of like what frosting could kind of be like a cake goo. So I just
went with goo, goo, goo instead of woo oo oo.
I'm not sure we want this cake.
Yeah.
Fondant, we talked about fondant. We got a beautiful cake.
We did get a beautiful cake.
That tasted delicious, but a lot of fondant on the outside to make it look as good as it looked.
You are talking about, we got a, went forward to celebrate seven years of the Doughboyz Double on Patreon.
Yes.
Our friend Sam over at Patreon sent over a lovely cake.
It was very, it was a, it was a wonderful gesture.
Did you eat inside the fondant or you had the fondant?
And we ate some of the fondant.
Fondant and I've had fondant before.
It makes many cakes look incredible, but fondant tough to eat.
Yeah.
Of course.
You're not supposed to eat the fondant is the thing.
Oops.
I don't think so.
Right?
You can't eat it, it's only made out of sugar.
But I think you're supposed to eat.
It's better if it's just a small amount.
But on those decorative cakes, they tend to layer it thicker.
So it's harder to eat a lot of it.
I think that you were supposed to eat the cake we got.
I thought you were supposed to eat the burger outside now.
You don't think so?
I think you can.
Oh, they were shaped like burgers.
Yeah, it was cool.
It was a great cake.
It was a good cake.
Yeah, anytime it looks like something else,
I feel like it's fondant.
Yeah.
That's the tool.
Oh, it's a tool? Like, that's the way that they, right? Because it's fondant. Yeah. That's the tool. Oh, it's a tool?
Like that's the way that they, right?
Cause it's just manipulately, they're full, malleable.
Yeah.
Okay, I gotta get the cake.
It's on, Amelia says on the kitchen table
wrapped in a paper towel.
Oh, Emma's gonna get it.
Thank you, Emma.
Oh, you need it here.
Oh yeah, cause the winner-
I thought you were giving us clues.
No, cause the winner-
The winner gets the cake.
The winner takes the cake.
The winner takes the cake.
The winner takes the cake.
The winner takes the cake. So I don't really want The winner takes the cake. The winner takes the cake. The winner takes the cake, so.
The loser has no cake.
I don't really want a cake.
I mean, I hope that you win.
Well, you can always give it away.
You could throw it, yeah.
You don't have to take it home and eat it if you win.
I do feel like that ABBA song's a good alt.
Okay, well, why don't you keep it over there by you,
because I think this one's probably better out of sight.
What's the ABBA song?
The winner takes it all.
Oh, that is good.
The winner takes the cake. I like that. The loser has no cake. What's the ABBA song? The Winner Takes It All. Oh, that is good. The winner takes the cake.
I like that.
The loser has no cake.
What's the big ABBA movie?
Mamma Mia is one of them, right?
Is there another ABBA movie?
Mamma Mia 2?
Yeah, that's the one.
That's the Mamma Mia 2.
Oh, there is another ABBA movie.
Muriel's Wedding.
Oh, Muriel's Wedding, big time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that what you were thinking of?
It might be, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Is that where Dancing Queen is from? Well, Dancing Queen is from ABBA.
It's just one of their songs.
Okay, so you have two lifelines for Cake It Off.
You have Ask Emma and the Frosting Reveal.
Wow.
And here's how this works.
The clues will get increasingly more obvious.
So we're going to start with the most inscrutable, the hardest clue, and then they were going
to get easier as we go.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first.
And you can choose to go first. And you can choose to go first. And you can choose to go first. And you can choose to go first. And you can choose to go first. will get increasingly more obvious. So we're gonna start with the most inscrutable,
the hardest clue,
and then they were going to get easier as we go.
And you can choose whether you go first or second.
And I'll say this,
usually you should go second
because you will probably get,
I'm just telling you.
Get information from you.
But then if you're confident in guess one,
you risk losing it by guess two,
but it is an inscrutable clue.
I sometimes have pulled it with guess one,
just to show you know. It's true. I think this one's inscrutable clue. I sometimes have pulled it with guess one,
just to show you know.
It's true.
I think this one's good, but sometimes-
Oh, pulled it with one?
Wow.
Sometimes I make the-
I think he's made it harder now.
Okay, well, your choice.
Do you wanna go first or second?
Second.
We'll go second.
Mitch, first clue.
First is the worst, second is the best.
Third is the one with the hairy chest.
I used to hear, I've heard ballerina dress in hairy chest.
I'd be curious to get a poll, but-
What the fuck was that? What just happened?
Do you-
Do you not know that?
I've never heard this before.
You've never heard that?
You guys know?
I know, yes.
Yeah, it was Harry Chest when I was growing up.
It was Harry Chest, I remember.
First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.
I thought you two just riffed that out.
It's like an old schoolyard line?
What a great joke we just came up with.
It's a schoolyard, yeah, it's insane.
I don't remember that at all.
And then does it just stop there?
There's no four, five, six.
I don't think so, yeah.
Three.
Just three.
Fourth is a nerd, fifth is a turd,
sixth is the one who gets flip the bird.
Wow, very nice.
Shit, he's improvising new lines.
We should just pretend it was a riff.
We were just so...
Let's go teach some children to flip people the first time.
Yeah.
Seventh is a chump.
Eighth has to hump.
Ninth has to watch me take a dump.
All right, now he's just getting into it.
He's feeling himself.
He came in ninth. I want to know.
So you can ask Emma, and you have the frosting reveal.
And also you're going to get your first clue, Mitch.
And here it is.
Okay.
If a delicate plant hadn't been shipped
from East Africa to South America in the 18th century,
we wouldn't have this sweet cake.
Huh?
If a delicate plant hadn't been shipped
from East Africa to South America in the 18th century,
we wouldn't have this sweet cake.
This delicate plant?
If this delicate plant,
East Africa to South America in the 18th century.
I've never used one of the lifelines before.
You can ask Emma and you can get a frosting reveal.
Does she know what it is though or no?
Oh, you do.
So what's the reason?
I won't spoil it that bad.
I can't ask Emma if she knows it.
Okay, Casey, do you know?
No, I have no idea.
Okay, so we asked Casey for a day.
I didn't realize Emma had been clued in.
Or I could see a frosting reveal,
or I'm told what the frosting is.
You're told what the frosting is.
Wait, you'd ask Casey, but Casey doesn't know,
so it's just Casey's best guess?
Yeah, it's just Casey's best guess.
It's like asking the audience.
Well, Casey maybe knows what that flower is.
Yeah, he might have an idea what that clue is, yeah.
Okay.
Are you using your lifeline?
No.
I feel like you don't know.
No, no.
I'm gonna ask what the frosting is.
Here's the frosting reveal.
Typically no frosting.
That's a huge reveal.
And you're definitely gonna get it now
with the second question because I don't know still.
Do we, if you guess and you're wrong,
do you just guess the next round?
Or you're eliminated?
Yeah, there's no penalty for wrong.
I'm just gonna guess like hibiscus cake.
Not hibiscus cake.
I can't even think of a cake that doesn't have frosting.
Or if it's a flower or plant, I guess, I don't know.
My first thought with that was like vanilla bean.
I don't know its origins.
We were talking about it,
so I'm maybe primed to think about it.
Could be.
We'll see what your guess is after this clue.
I'll be tall, your clue is,
don't be misled by the name.
This sweet pie does not include its name ingredient.
Whoa, so it's a pie.
That makes sense why it wouldn't have frost.
I'm sorry, it's a, should we?
No, I copy pasted that.
It's supposed to be sweet cake.
Hold on, sorry.
Take it again.
I was thinking that the cake is pie.
Can it be, is that a...
It's not a pie.
Don't be misled by the name.
This sweet cake does not include its name ingredient.
Wow.
So it's a cake whose name is not an ingredient in the cake.
Wow. So it's a cake whose name is not an ingredient in the cake.
I'm going to think it's like red velvet because it doesn't have velvet in it.
But that very much has frosting.
One would say so, yeah.
That's a good guess.
So the, trying to think of what my options are, wild guess,
or I don't have anything to ask either of you, right?
Because you did that.
Oh, you can ask Casey.
You have another lifeline.
The frosting reveal has been used,
but ask Casey is still alive.
I see.
You might as well.
It's still the ask Emma lifeline,
but this time out Casey will be answering for Emma.
And it's just like a, what do you think?
Yeah, it's what do you think.'s just like a, what do you think? Yeah, it's what do you think.
All right, Casey, what do you think?
The only cakes that I could think of
that don't have icing are like coffee cake
or like bundt cake or stuff like that.
So I'm like thinking.
I think coffee cake is a great guess
because again, it was another bean
that we were discussing earlier.
Let's try coffee cake if there's no penalty.
There is no penalty.
Oh, but fuck, nevermind,
because coffee cake definitely has coffee in it.
And it was like, don't be fooled by the name.
It doesn't have the ingredient, right?
That is the clue.
Yeah, coffee cake definitely has coffee in it.
What the?
Quiz master makes some fucking-
So your guess is not coffee cake.
She gave a guess, but-
Is your guess coffee cake?
No, but I don't have a better one, so I don't, yeah.
I'm just mad at him for controlling the game, yeah.
Just sitting there silently.
You're like, punish her, she said it.
No, no, no, I was unclear.
Yeah, I could have filled some of that dinner,
but I was unclear as if you were guessing coffee cake
and regretting it or you're taking the guess back.
You're locking in coffee cake.
I just wanna think of something else.
What I want to do, but it would be super boring,
is go through the letters of the alphabet
until I can see what prompts are like,
oh yeah, that's a cake.
That's really fun for you guys, right?
Yeah, that's fun.
Yeah.
What would the writer's room,
what would Lincoln's writer's room do
if they tried to figure out this case?
Hugo or Todd would know for sure.
All right, we can just, for the interest of fun,
you can go.
This is tough, I still don't know what it is.
Mitch, you're up.
I still don't know what it is.
Both lifelines have been used.
Clue number three.
Cake for breakfast.
Yup.
What the fuck?
Cake for breakfast.
Yup.
And that's less opaque than your first clue.
Is this like an ad campaign that you guys know?
Did you get it? No. OK.
No, okay.
No, this isn't like got milk.
This is a spoke clue.
I still don't know it.
A cake for breakfast?
Yup.
Your previous clues of a delicate plant
had been shipped from East Africa to South America
in the 18th century, we wouldn't have the sweet cake.
Number two, don't be misled by the name.
The sweet cake does not include its name ingredient.
Number three, cake for breakfast.
Yup.
Is there a yuppie cake?
Cake for yuppies?
I can't tell if yuppie is a part of the clue or not.
I don't know either.
Or if it's just that you can have, it's a breakfast cake?
I, it's, it's, it has to be some sort of dumb clue he's giving at me here.
It has to be.
Yup.
It doesn't have to be anything.
Yup.
What does that mean? Yup. Yup. Yup to be. Yep. Doesn't have to be anything. Yep.
What does that mean? Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Emma, knowing what the cake is, is this making sense to you?
I don't know.
The yup?
No, but the rest of it, yeah.
At least not the emphasis is being put on the yup.
Unless it's a reference I also don't get.
I was having fun saying the yup. It was just, this is a reference I also don't get. I was having fun saying the yup.
It was just a little flourish.
Yeah, cake for breakfast.
Yup.
Yup.
It's fun, right?
It is fun.
Cake for breakfast, a breakfast cake, cake for breakfast?
I mean, coffee cake is what, you just thought of something?
I thought of something and I don't even really know
what it is, but I'll say it when it's not your turn.
I, a part of me is like, but also like it's not,
don't worry, it's not in the name.
So I'm like, is there some sort of egg cake or like,
you know, I have no idea, but it's a plant.
The plant thing, all of these clues
are just making me confused.
I don't know, I'm gonna pass.
Mitch is passing once again.
I didn't pass, I guessed last time.
Poisonberry.
No, I meant, because I passed.
I'll probably pass, that's what I was gonna say,
because you were passing.
So we're passing, yeah, this is hard.
Don't get mad.
No, I wasn't saying, like you thought I was attacking you,
you got defensive.
You're gonna be shocked by that too.
Huh?
You're gonna get it here,
because this is where it gets scary.
Clue number four.
This can't be, this is even harder than usual.
What I was thinking, just in case I have it before this clue,
but I'm not submitting the guess just for the record
for the stenographer, I was thinking like a tea cake,
because I'm not sure there's tea in it,
and that seems breakfasty.
Okay, go. I don't even really know what a tea cake is. I think it's just a small cake.
Sure. But probably does not contain tea. Here is clue number four.
Many cakes already include these ingredients, but it's fair to ask if you take your cake with sugar and cream.
Tea cake!
Coffee cake!
Coffee has to have coffee.
I mean, in the UK, you wouldn't know, but you can take your-
Was it just coffee cake?
Because I would-
What is your guess?
Tea cake.
Not tea cake.
Hold on.
Yeah.
But we did try coffee cake, right?
All right, all right.
Ask me the question.
Did I not even submit coffee cake to the council?
You did pass.
You passed.
I did pass.
Fuck.
What is wrong with me?
Is it fucking coffee cake? I'm gonna be so mad.
Do you want the clue?
Give me the clue.
The clue is.
You dumb ass.
It's been a hard, it's fucking coffee cake.
It's not toffee cake.
You dumb ass.
Why did we not both just say it?
I didn't say coffee cake last time
because I was like, it's not coffee cake.
Coffee cake has coffee in it.
Also, why would we be afraid of coffee cake?
Coffee cake is my answer.
Mitch, you have one, take it off.
I guess coffee cake is just meant to be had with coffee.
That is speaking-
It's not like coffee ice cream that has-
Speaking of etymology,
it is because it is typically served with coffee.
It is not something that includes coffee as an ingredient
as typically constructed.
The backflips I did to get to tea cake.
I don't even drink tea.
You had it with, you had coffee cake
and then you pulled back. And I second guessed.
Last minute, yeah.
Emma, give me, give me, give me.
I know I said I never eat cake, but give me, give me, give me.
Let's take a look at that coffee cake.
Oh, it's from Starbucks?
Oh.
That's a little less exciting.
Here, I wanna try some of it. I'll take a piece.
Thank you.
It's yours.
I was just gonna take a piece.
No, no, it's yours.
You won.
No, no, no, no, no.
You won.
You know what, maybe we should give it
to the quiz master himself.
Maybe he gets it.
Wow, what a nice gesture.
That was good.
That was good, and very tasty.
Yeah, well done, everyone.
You know what?
Coffee right here.
Jimmy's excited about it.
As intended. It's fucking good. You know what? Coffee right here. Jimmy's excited about it. As intended.
It's fucking good.
So that crumble is not, it's just cinnamon.
It's not coffee.
No, yeah, it's typically not coffee.
I mean, anybody who's with coffee,
but it's not coffee.
I want another piece of it.
That's good.
This is gonna fall.
Thank you.
I will say I was naturally skeptical
when I heard Starbucks coffee cake,
but then biting into it, this is not bad at all.
That is good, very moist.
I know that's a trigger word for a lot of people.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, they are listening to love it.
Do you guys wanna try?
Mm, sure.
It's fucking good.
All right, this cake is being passed around the room.
Sorry, Jami.
Sorry, Jami.
You had plenty of whipped cream earlier.
Yeah, you had your puppuccino,
which also does not have a cappuccino in it.
Wow.
Yeah.
A puppuccino?
That's another one.
Yeah.
You just blew my mind.
Exactly.
What?
How did she blow your mind?
Cause a puppuccino doesn't have a
cappuccino in it.
Oh, you're saying, yeah.
Well, just another food that doesn't have
its name in it.
It also doesn't have puppies in it.
Wow.
Yeah.
I think we maybe need to get you to a hospital.
Should we get the, you're scaring me.
That was Cake It Off, just like a restaurant
by your feedback. Let's hope for the feedback.
And hey, we have a voicemail today.
Let's play this one.
Oops, hold on.
Wait, did you do, you did, right?
Now I already forgot.
I need to go to a hospital.
Did you do Cake It Off by Taylor Swift
or did you do something else?
I did the Apple song.
Which, oh.
Yeah.
It was Cake It Off.
Okay, great.
All right, here it is.
Hi, Del Boy's pop wife Andrea here,
long time listener, first time caller.
This is a comment.
My husband and I have been listening to the podcast
for about as long as its existence.
And our son, when he was old enough, he started playing snack or whack and drink or
stink with us. At least a couple times a month, we purchased a weird or new snack or drink from
the gas station. We all take turns trying and raving it. Recently, I noticed my son was actually
eating all of his school lunch that I packed for him, which is totally unheard of. I said really
happily, wow, you must be really enjoying everything I said. And he said, no, not really.
Actually my friends and I lay all of our lunch items on the table at lunch and take turns
trying each one and play snack or whack.
So in San Ramon, California, there is a group of eight year olds rating their goldfish and
double stuffed Oreos.
Wow.
The origin story of a new generation of fluxins and luting.
Thanks for the laugh. And thank you, Amelia, Emma, and Casey as well.
Big Amelia fan here, not sure what the name for Amelia Moreno fans is, so maybe Moreno
Monsters?
Wow.
Or Amelia-satiates?
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Bye, guys.
Wow.
Andrea sent that in.
Thank you, Andrea.
Son is playing Snack or Wack with his friends.
Wow. Back in my day, Mitch, we played games like Oooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka-Ooka Wow, Andrea sent that in. Thank you, Andrea. Some is playing snack or whack with his friends.
Well.
Back in my day, Mitch, we played games like Ookie Cookie.
That's wild.
That is wild.
It does make me feel like we should get
like a Doughboyz board game or some shit,
try to cash in on this a little bit.
Like a Cards Against Humanity sort of thing.
Yeah, we should send Lev up to that school
and I'll give a cease and desist to the eight-year-olds.
Are you also with Lev?
I am with Lev, yeah.
Very much with Lev.
The Doughboys are with Lev.
Yeah.
Me too.
Yeah.
This is a guy.
Yeah.
He came.
He was a part of our live show.
He did show up on our live show.
Oh, that's awesome.
So here's what I will say.
This isn't so much a question as a comment,
but Mitch, I'm curious your reaction to this
because to me, I'm like kind of like,
I guess a little stunned by this.
I understand that like kids are just gonna
glom onto whatever.
Sure.
But it is strange to think of,
first of all, our listeners having children,
but then also that like those children like absorbing something from the podcast.
Yeah.
A little disorienting.
No, it's not.
Not good.
This is the most I've ever wanted to stop the podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's nice.
I think it's a very nice thing.
It's a lovely voicemail.
Children shouldn't listen to the podcast.
They definitely shouldn't.
Probably.
Yeah.
But you know, I mean, we say crim now.
So I think we cover up a lot of stuff.
Or jazz.
Or jazz.
Yeah.
Or Flesh Kremma.
Right.
And then we don't say.
Or Grandpa's Toothpaste.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
I mean, we could make the show kid-friendly.
We could make it kid-friendly.
Look, we've had some ideas. We've talked. I'd love to make the show kid-friendly. We could make it kid-friendly.
Look, we've had some ideas, we've talked.
I'd love to make the show kid-friendly.
Oh my God.
Oh, oh God.
What?
I'll be tall, what were your school lunches like?
What did you have when you brought in a second?
I was just thinking about you talking about fucking an apple
and I was like, yeah, this is great for kids.
I was gonna say that it would be cool to like,
meet this kid, but as you know,
you probably had to stay 500 feet away from him.
Just in general.
That's, I think it rules.
It's lovely.
I think it's a very nice thing.
So I wanna pivot the, I guess to form a question out of this,
I wanna pivot to school lunches.
Do you have a favorite snack from your school lunch days?
So usually the main was we would have grillers
with like a hamburger bun and ketchup.
Real basic, but I really like them.
Yeah.
They don't taste like hamburgers, but they taste good.
Was this thing you get from the cafeteria
or was this thing you packed?
This was from home.
Oh, wow.
And then-
Wow.
I had-
Wait, are they like a packaged thing?
Yeah, they're like you microwave them and then
you just put them in bread with ketchup.
Got it, got it, got it.
They're like, Morning Star Farms I think is the
brand that made them.
Okay.
So they're just like veggie burgers, but they're good.
I mean, I think to me the brand that makes them. Okay. So they're just like veggie burgers, but they're good.
I mean, I think to me they just taste like my childhood.
And then I had like objectively the best lunches, but I didn't want them.
So I was kind of a hero because I would give you my Gushers or-
Wow.
I didn't say my Dunkaroos, but no, I would eat Dunkaroos when I had them.
Dunkaroos are good.
They're good.
And they're close enough to that like pastry, you know, it's not just, oh, Fruit by the
Foot and Gushers I usually had and I would give them away
because I didn't like them.
Those are two big ones.
Fruit by the Foot's a lot of fun.
Yeah.
It seems disgusting now, like that I was a kid
unrolling this thing and like probably collecting stuff on.
Yeah.
But Fruit by the Foot was big.
I'm a Cheez-It guy.
Yeah, Cheez-It's for fun.
I've always been a Cheez-It guy.
But okay.
And Goldfish, but I love Goldfish and Cheez-Its,
but I think Cheez-Its are my favorite over Goldfish. Here's my question. When you get Cheez-It guy and Goldfish, but I love Goldfish and Cheez-Its, but I think Cheez-Its are my favorite over Goldfish.
Here's my question.
When you get Cheez-It in the school lunch,
would you get an individual Cheez-It bag
or would be a plastic bag with Cheez-It from the box?
Well, at school lunches, I think if they sold them,
I mean, I don't think that they even had Cheez-It,
but I feel like it would be a small Cheez-It bag,
but I was getting Cheez-Its from home. No, that's what I was asking, but I feel like it would be a small cheese bag, but I was getting cheese that's from home.
No, that's what I was asking,
but when you get it from home,
would you get like the sealed container?
Oh no, it would be from the box.
That was me too, yeah, yeah.
I feel like maybe were we pre, like the individual?
No, probably not.
I think the individual packs,
I always kind of remember them being around,
but maybe less common.
I feel like the individual packs
like had a taste discrepancy for a while.
Sure. I feel like they didn't taste as good as the the big boxed ones. It tastes like plastic more
Yeah, there was something about it that just didn't taste right. I got and I got like the plastic little plastic baggie with
with a
With cheese, it's in it. So are those bags have they dissolved by this day?
No, those are those will be around for thousands of years. Well, they're just sitting in a sitting in landfall. Yeah
Yeah, there's so much plastic waste in this country.
It's like, what are you gonna do?
I was bringing lunch to school.
I was very much bringing lunch to school,
bring a lunch to school kid for a while, yeah.
I think I was back and forth because I think later on
I just became like a buy a lunch at school kid.
But for a while. I definitely did that for a time, yeah.
I can't remember anything in the cafeteria.
I'm almost like, did we have a cafeteria?
But I think my brain is just broken.
Yeah, I had a lot of,
I had the same sort of thing,
like it's so fucking long ago now
that I have a hard time remembering these details.
We definitely had a cafeteria,
but we also had a little like kiosk
where you could like buy like individual,
like self-serve pizza or like
Like, you know one one serving pizzas. So I remember getting that or having like getting two like
Single serving pizzas and two chocolate milks and then having a stomach ache and not understanding the connection because it's just fucking dumb
Chicken patty day was big for me. Yeah, the chicken bad. I think it was Tuesday's maybe I don't know chicken patty day was big
That was just like a chicken on a bun.
It was the plainest thing, but it was,
I mean, if I ate it now, I'd probably be like,
I can't believe they are,
and also I'm sure the food has maybe gotten better
at this point, I don't know.
I do remember chocolate milk,
it's like little chocolate milk.
That just came back.
Those were a lot of fun.
Those were great.
Yeah.
They like sometimes be frozen,
did that ever happen to you?
Oh, you get a nice, icy cold?
What a treat that is.
Hitting on some core memories.
Yeah, I mean, it's prison food.
I mean, like also prisoners shouldn't be fed this food either.
Sure.
It's not great, yeah.
And it's probably like one of these,
the San Francisco whatever company probably fucking owns it too.
Yeah.
100, oh man, Mitch, that's your 100%.
Yeah, it's grim.
Oh yeah, what was the San Francisco one called?
It was, it sounded like it was in the Avengers or something.
It was like Golden State Capitol or something.
Golden State Capitol.
Yeah.
I, I, I turned to school lunches a lot, but when in the early days,
cheese it, gushers, those are the big ones.
Yeah.
I was never into gushers, but I did like cheese.
It was absolutely a staple, you know, Cheetos. Like if I'm going to get like a bag of chips, I love the big ones. Yeah. I was never into gushers, but I did, like cheese it was absolutely a staple.
You know, Cheetos, like if I'm going to get
like a bag of chips, I love the Cheetos.
That's funny because even like the parents
would rather give me Cheez-Its, but like
when you got Cool Ranch Doritos or nacho.
So good.
Yeah.
Nacho cheese Doritos.
Oh yeah.
You were in, I mean, you were king of the
schoolyard at that point.
I would for a lot of times for like a sweet treat, I would very often get like a
zinger or like a hostess treat, like a one
off and it's kind of crazy in hindsight.
It's like a, it's basically like a twinkie
but frosted.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
Oh, I get ding-dongs sometimes.
I get ding-dongs, I get hostess cupcakes and
I would get a snowball on occasion, the hostess
snowball.
I remember those, it's like a pink half dome
that's covered in shredded coconut. It's quite toothsome. and I would get a snowball on occasion. The hostess snowball. I remember those, it's like a pink half dome
that's covered in shredded coconut.
It's quite toothsome.
I think that-
Got chocolate inside and a little bit of cream.
This one also means like handsome, right?
Like attractive?
Does it?
I think so.
Or does it just mean tasty?
If you're talking about Dracula.
I think I've gotten to the bottom
of why we were little fat fucks.
Yeah, I would do all that
and then we'd have a full sugar soda.
Don't boys have fucking cactus cooler, a Dr. Pepper.
Doughboys detectives.
I remember we got a fruit topia machine
and young me was like fruit topia.
That's like healthier than soda.
And if fruit topia had like 300 calories or something.
Yeah, tons of sugar.
That was a Bill Clinton initiative.
Is that he got like-
Let's get some fruitopia machines in there.
He was, he got rid of like full sugar sodas in schools
and like made it so it's like they're all something
like bottled water and juices and stuff,
but yeah, a lot of the juices are just as unhealthy.
Yeah.
By the way, just in case you were wondering,
first definition of tooth sum of food,
temptingly tasty, and then informal of a person,
good looking, attractive.
Wow.
Wow.
Now we know.
And then parentheses Dracula.
Dracula was toothsome.
Dracula was very toothsome.
Yeah.
If you have a question or comment
about The World of Chain Restaurants,
you can email us at feedbaggetbirdfuck.com
or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DOE,
that's 830-463-6844.
And to get the Dough Boys double our weekly bonus episode plus our entire pre-2018 back
catalog, subscribe at patreon.com slash doughboys.
Our producer is Emma Erdbrink.
Our associate producer is Emilio Marino.
Our engineer is Casey Donahue.
And our video editor is Mike Dorfman.
As I say, drop us a line if you think Dracula was handsome or not too.
Who means to fall.
So which version?
Because Nosferatu, no.
Nosferatu is nasty.
Yeah, he's gross. or not too. Who means to call? So which version? Cause like Nosferatu, no.
Nosferatu is nasty.
The Gary Oldman, Bram Stoker's Dracula,
the Prince of Coppola, Dracula's pretty.
You think he's toothsome?
I think he's kind of weird looking with the big hair.
I guess I haven't seen him just picturing Gary Oldman.
Gary Oldman's handsome.
Yeah.
But I think the weird big hair thing he's got,
I'd look at it, I don't know, it doesn't quite work for me.
The Drakks.
Yeah.
I'm thinking of others, but they're just vampires.
They're not Dracula.
I'll tell you one that's handsome.
Lestat.
Dracula, dead and loving it.
Handsome.
Leslie Nielsen.
Leslie Nielsen. Looking good.
He's looking good.
Yeah, would you count Lestat, toothsome, but not Dracula.
Well, he is a Dracula, but it's not the Dracula.
Can you be a Dracula?
I thought you could be a vampire or the Dracula, but maybe you can be a Dracula. You can be a Dracula, but it's not the Dracula. Can you be a Dracula? I thought you could be a vampire or the Dracula,
but maybe you can be a Dracula.
You can be a Dracula.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Lamb in the back of my Dracula.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Our guest, Abhi Tal Ash, will be in Los Angeles,
April 27th.
If you're listening to this episode on Thursday,
that means on Saturday.
Go see her do stand up also in London, Edinburgh and Glasgow.
Avital, plug your dates and anything else
you want to mention and thanks for doing the show.
Thank you so much for having me.
I will clarify that it's a solo show,
so it is stand up, but it's also got some feelings
and it's very dark.
It's called Avital Ash Workshops for Suicide Note,
which is a trigger warning, hopefully.
And we have a sold out show in LA on the 30th, if you listen to this too
late, but there will be a standby line.
So chances are maybe you can come in and then if you're in New York, I might
add a date coming back from the UK.
So go to avitalash.com.
Uh, you can subscribe for updates or just keep checking in as I add some dates.
Um, yeah.
And if you're in the UK, I'm doing three shows in London, one in Glasgow, one in Edinburgh.
I got, I got an idea for your opener in Edinburgh.
Oh, let's go.
Jacking off through the years.
The Mike Mitchell story.
You wanna come?
That'd be awesome.
That'd be so fun.
There it was, January 6th at the Capitol.
Lucky for me, the urge struck.
And Nancy Pelosi's trash can was right there.
Also, will they even understand it? Pelosi's trash can was right there.
Also, will they even understand it?
Like, I don't know how, they definitely are like more up on the news in generally than
Americans are, but do they know, does January 6th mean?
Oh, that's interesting.
I wonder.
Question, yeah, the dates may not hit in the same way.
Maybe they do, they're smarter than us, I think.
That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, hey, if you're in Scotland and know what January 6th was, let us know.
Also let us know if Dracula's handsome.
And also let us know if you want to see Mitch
do an hour about jacking off.
Yes, I do.
Until next time for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell,
I'm Nick Weiger.
Happy eating.
See ya.
Want to dress like the Doughboys? Get all your favorite Doughboys merch at doughboys.kinshipgoods.com. Sources for the intro are in the episode description.