Doughboys - Chop Stop with Tim Baltz
Episode Date: January 11, 2024Tim Baltz (@tim.baltz, Shrink) joins the 'boys to talk comedy colleagues, basketball, and salads before a review of Chop Stop.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episo...des at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at doughboys.kinshipgoods.comAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://bobs.net/pages/hall-of-fame-jay-lenohttps://www.flapperscomedy.com/shows/jay-leno/68299/https://whatnowlosangeles.com/chop-stop-set-to-open-16th-la-location-in-downtown/https://wehotimes.com/chop-stop-is-closing-after-almost-10-years-in-west-hollywood/https://1851franchise.com/franchise-deep-dive-chop-stops-franchise-costs-fees-profit-and-data-2721998#storieshttps://www.latimes.com/socal/burbank-leader/entertainment/tn-blr-dine-20110115-story.htmlSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a head gum podcast.
Cold Turkey may be great on sandwiches, but there's a better way to break your bad habits.
We're not talking about some weird mind voodoo from your crazy neighbor or eccentric relatives.
We're talking about our sponsor, FUME, and they look at the problem in a different way.
Not everything in a bad habit is wrong, so instead of a drastic, uncomfortable change,
why not just remove the bad from your habit?
Fume is an innovative, award-winning, flavored air device that does just that.
Instead of vapor, Fume uses flavored air.
Instead of electronics, Fume is completely natural, and instead of harmful chemicals,
Fume uses delicious flavors. You get it. Instead of bad, Fume is good.
It's a habit you're free to enjoy
and makes replacing your bad habit easy. Your fume comes with an adjustable air-fluid
dial and is designed with movable parts and magnets for fidgeting, giving your fingers
a lot to do, which is helpful for de-stressing and anxiety while breaking your habit.
I gotta say, this thing, it feels very fresh.
I mean, think of refreshing herbal tea.
If vapor was compared to sticky soda,
fume flavors would compare to herbal tea,
not as sweet and a lot more natural.
It's well-weighted, it's perfectly balanced,
and extremely fun to fidget with.
And the real wood is beautiful,
and the shape is pristine.
You're going to feel cool using this.
Stopping is something we all put off because it's hard,
but switching to fumes is easy and enjoyable and even fun.
Fumes served over 150,000 customers
and has thousands of success stories,
and there's no reason that can't be you.
Join Fume and Accelerating Humanities
break up from destructive habits
by picking up the journey pack today.
Head to trifume.com and use code DoeBoys to save 10% off when you get the journey pack today. Head to trifume.com and use code,
DoeBoys to save 10% off when you get the journey pack today.
That's trifum.com and use code DoeBoys
to save an additional 10% off your order today.
Want to watch this episode?
Check it out on our YouTube channel
at youtube.com slash DoeBoysMedia.
[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪
Live from the NBC Studios in Burbank, California, the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
On May 25, 1992, 16 million viewers heard this introduction as Amplchen Comic James
Douglas Muir Leno made his debut behind the desk of America's most storied talk show
institution.
It followed a tumultuous jockeying for the job with then-late-night host David Letterman, a process that would be replicated nearly 20 years later over the same slot with Conan O'Brien.
Burbank has always lived in the shadow of its much larger glitzier neighbor Los Angeles,
a shadow that somehow even hotter. The city was often even invoked as a punchline under the
previous tonight show host, Johnny Carson. But Leno's 22-year-on-and-off stewardship
of the franchise would help revitalize the image
of the sprawling San Fernando Valley suburb.
In addition to his nightly sign-on,
Leno chose Burbank to house his massive personal garage
for his collection of nearly 300 classic cars and motorcycles.
The Burbank automotive assemblage inspired a TV series of its own,
the Emmy-winning Jay Leno's Garage,
which ran for seven seasons.
Leno has a designated booth at the original Bob's
Big Boy in Burbank, where he regularly appears
at their Friday night classic car show
and the silver-haired denim enthusiast frequently performs
at Burbank Comedy Club Flappers.
And it's Burbank Wear in 2011, Mark Cokis
launched a chain to fill what he felt was an unexplored niche, chopped
salads.
The cold dish concept had a hot start in the veggie-friendly Southland, and by 2016 it
began franchising.
But in a crowded market for bowls of greens, there were worrying signs for this salad
seller.
Already a location in the heart of health conscious West Hollywood is shuttered, and the
number of operating restaurants is down from its high of 30 to just
21 in California and Nevada.
So will this chain have the reach and staying power of Leno's Tonight Show run?
Or in the shadow of more prominent competitors like Sweet Green and Chopped?
Will this Burbank-founded eatery become the Burbank of Salad Chains?
This week on Doe Boys, live from the Head gum studios in Los Angeles, California, chopstop.
Welcome to Doe Boys, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Nick Weiger, along with my co-host,
Stereo-oens, the Spoon Man Mike Mitchell.
Like, Tarell Owens?
Stereo-oens, like the white receiver, Tarell Owens,
but it also implying that Mitch is in fertile.
Thank you, Colin from Massachusetts.
It's Tarell Owens, right?
Yeah, I thought it was more like Tarell Owens. Do I,ot loins, right? Yeah.
I thought it was more like tarot loins.
I guess I don't know the emphasis.
I remember being tarot.
I mean, that makes the puns tarot work.
It's a Massachusetts guy, so I believe
that he's watched football.
Yeah, I think that he probably have you.
Yes, I've watched football before.
I'm watching the Patriot.
They're bad this year.
I played football, you know this.
That's right. Mitch a lot of there, he's gonna get himself killed. That's the famous line. They're bad to this year. I played football. You know this. That's right.
Yeah, Mitch a lot of there is gonna get himself killed. That's the famous line of the coach.
That's right. Mitch though, as of this episode really, like release, we are not in the regular season.
We're in the thick of the post season because this is the first new main feed episode of 2024, Mitch.
The Patriots are tearing it up in the post season. You want to make a prediction? You want to call your shot?
Yes. Well, they're two and seven now.
So be quite a comeback, quite a turnaround.
Yeah. They're going to win the next, I guess, eight games.
They feel off 18 year old. Yeah. They could take that momentum into the playoffs.
I don't think it will happen. Yeah. But, you know, stranger things have
happened. Great point.
You seem not invested.
The Celtics, now they've had a loss.
That's right.
You don't like me dating this,
so now I'm just talking sports on dating.
It's, you mean it happened immediately,
so what are we gonna do?
You're talking, like,
we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll,
I think it's fine.
I think the Celtics are gonna,
It's November 7th.
We were recording the first episode of January 2024
on November 7th, 2023.
There you go.
It's time stamped. Say whatever you want, man.
We got a good guess to start off the great guess. It's like a it's it's like a sage and out the old bad guests.
We're gonna new guests. Only good guess for 2024. That's that's what I think. I think should happen.
Next week our guest is Mark Dufson. Oh, no.
Next week our guest is Mark Dufson. Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh.
Or pot committed to Dufson.
Dufson told me has a lot of stuff to say about Israel
and Palestine.
That's yeah.
Well, let him talk.
Well, let him, we'll give him his 20 minutes.
We promised him and then we'll get to it.
Yeah, I don't know how you negotiated 20 minutes.
He's like, I just want 20 minutes by myself.
We're like, okay.
Yeah, do your thing.
Yeah. You know when we get, when we, we get it on We're like, okay. Yeah, do your thing. Do you want one when we get,
when we get an Undoofson's podcast?
Yeah, that's fucking disaster.
Cause he was like, we're like, where do you record?
And he was like, I record at the Doof Lodge.
He was like, okay, we thought it was a Doof Lodge.
Yeah, I was like, is place or something like that?
Or like, he had like a studio with like a nickname.
He gives us the address.
It's a best to buy in San Pedro.
And we get there.
And he's like, you know, like the comfortable seats
by the TV.
It's like where people like listen,
test out the audio video clip,
and he's like got like a Zoom mic in there.
And he's like, this is the,
and we're like, did you get approval from everyone?
He's like, yeah, yeah, it's cool.
It wasn't cool.
Like five minutes in, a manager comes in here
and is like, hey, I told you you can't do this.
Let's just say, let's just say it ended with someone
from the Geeks squad and a headlock with Doomsang.
It was not good.
It was not good.
It was not good.
You got a sure microphone on where this seems
like it's from Best Buy.
Do you open this and use it for Best Buy?
And also, on the TV TV avatar was on the TV,
so I feel like in the podcast you could hear
the app apart.
It was definitely leading into the microphone.
Yeah.
There's a whole thing.
Anyway, God bless him.
God bless him.
You know what?
I'm interested in hearing his 20 minutes.
We'll see what happens.
Wags, howdy hoe.
To spoonation.
Wow. I didnation. Wow.
I didn't tell him.
Our guest doesn't know that I, it's just embarrassing having a podcast.
A podcast isn't embarrassing.
It is.
It's inherently embarrassing, sure.
It's a bad, it's embarrassing.
Asking people to do it isn't embarrassing.
And also when you ask them, you're like, I know, like, it's that sort of thing.
You're like, I know that this is, I know this is embarrassing. You know what I mean? Like, it's hard to tell people where you're like, I know that this is embarrassing.
You know what I mean?
It's hard to tell people that are like,
but contra that, when Duce and email does to do his podcast,
the subject line was, you owe me one.
Yeah.
We're like, what?
He's like, what?
And I will do it because we know you,
but this is just a weird energy.
I should get to our guest
because I believe that Duce and did a year in Chicago, and I think that our guest maybe knew him a little bit. I should get to our guest because I believe that in Dufson did a year in Chicago
and I think that our guest
maybe knew him a little bit.
I won because I think it's possible
because also when we asked people from Chicago,
like, hey, you must know Dufson.
They're like, who?
Yeah, so it's like,
it's like, it's just like,
it was possible he was just lying to us
that he did a year in Chicago.
He said he was main stage at Second City.
Right.
So I don't know, I don't know.
I don't know if he's full of it or not.
I think a total fabrication, but we'll find out.
Anyways, how do you hold this poll nation?
I have my hit him with a little drop.
Dufson also said, Dufson also told me he invented
thousand island dressing.
Do you remember that?
So I think he just makes shit up sometimes.
He did, and we were like, how did you,
and what was it, he's like, he And we were like, how did you and what
was it? He's like, he took a trip to Greece or something. Yeah. He was like the idea
popped into his head in Greece. That's right. Yeah. He was like on a trip, like a college
tribulation semester abroad. Yeah. He was like, Oh, I just came up with like the idea
for like the perfect dressing and I came home. And then a week later, I was like, Oh, man,
I've always wanted to go to the Greece. And he's like, I've never been. Yeah, I know. He said that the next week. Wait, what?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
So I think he's full, I mean, I didn't believe
that he made thousand Island dress.
No, you need there.
No, you need there.
Anyways, God bless you, Ducin.
I can't bless you, Ducin.
I can't bless you, Ducin.
I'll be on the new year.
See you next week.
Hit him with a drop, Emma.
Are you a competitive person, Mitch? He yes, I am not really no. I'm not really that competitive.
I should get I was gonna answer and cold
There isn't a bonus
Stolen such bullshit. I definitely came in before Libby on that one. I said it first
I got that way
Bitch I got it before him
Griffin he was clearly ahead of you. No, he was not
This is this this is this is the this was the most rigged game show in the history
This is the, this was the most rigged game show in history. I'm not pulling any fucking bullshit.
This is true, it was rigged.
Remember Ducin said that he was at,
he was at the equinox and he saw a Benicio Dottoro's dick.
Yes, yeah.
Were you like, he called us, like, you gotta come over.
You and I both went over his place. He was like, come over now. Come over like, he called us, he's like, you gotta come over. You and I both went over his place.
He was like, come over now.
Come over like, right now.
I think it's an emergency.
And we, and we, yeah, we were like,
what the fuck's going on?
We went out, we sat down as couch.
He's like, I saw a Benicio Doutoro's dick in the locker room.
And we were like, with a locker room,
he's like, it was equinox, right?
It's equinox, yeah, like the high end gym.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, we believed, like, okay,
that's the kind of gym that Benicio Doutoro would work out. Yeah, but that's impossible. But then he was like, he was like, it end gem. Yeah. And then we believed that like, okay, that's the kind of gem that Benicio O'Neal and O'Torrell would work out.
Yeah, but that's impossible.
But then he was like,
he was like, it's purple.
I think it's like a birthmark.
Yeah.
He was like, he doesn't have a purple dick.
You're full of shit.
He was also like,
that would have circulated it somewhere.
He would have been like,
he would have been like,
he would have been having a purple dick
and he's like, no, it's purple.
It's like purple.
He would do some circulated it.
Cause he had that color pencil sketching. Oh, that's right. Yeah, this is what I saw. Yeah. We'll do some circulated it. Cause he had that color pencil sketching.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, this is what I saw.
Yeah.
But grim is purple.
And we're like, that, I mean, that seems impossible,
but whatever.
Well, he said he'd take a picture of it
and Del Toro took his phone and sat on it
in the steam room.
That's right.
Right, right.
That's right.
Until it stopped working.
And it like erased just the pictures.
We could still text, but he could no longer,
like he had no access to his picture.
Yeah, and then we were like,
what are you gonna do?
He's like, and he just kept saying lawsuit.
He just kept saying that over and over again.
But I don't think you ever sued.
I don't think you ever sued.
He's no touro.
He asked for a lawyer's info once,
and then we had talked to our lawyer,
and he was like, no, he never got back to me.
So I think he was just bullshit.
He like full of shit.
Yeah, I think he was full of shit.
But then it makes me wonder,
why did he drop Benicio Dottor with that purple thing?
What, and like, that's the thing.
It's just the same thing.
Which came first.
Did he actually see this or did he draw this
and then think it would be a good lie to tell us?
You wonder, like, how much of it is true?
Cause like, did he see, does he like work out
at the same gym as Benicio Dottoral?
Like, that's plausible.
And then he saw them and he was like, oh, it saw him. And he was like, oh, there's somebody of funny story if because like did he see, does he like work out of the same gym as Benicio don't or like that's plausible and then he saw them and he was like, Oh, it's on me.
It's like, Oh, there's going to be a funny story if I like saw him naked and there's something
weird about it.
And then I remember he, so he told me that he went, Oh, and this is, this is what I knew
as full as he was.
He's like, I want to Benicio don't or else I was to confront him about the phone.
I look through his window and I saw him getting his dick sucked and the dick turned from purple
the white and I was like, okay, that's fucking bullshit. The dick never turned from purple the white.
Right.
I mean, like, it's bullshit.
You're like watching Benicio the Torell get his dick sucked for enough time for him to
climax through a window and you sought turn from purple to white.
That's what he said.
That's what he said.
Yeah.
So at that point, I was like, okay.
Yeah.
But I mean, I kind of believed him at first.
Anyways.
I mean, you did.
We all had like a bit of doubt.
Yeah.
I think like we had stronger doubt
and until you heard that.
Yeah.
You were like, oh, I think he's lying to us.
Yeah, that for me.
I think that was.
Whereas like coming from Chicago,
I was like, do you think it's a liar?
Yeah, right, right, right.
Like bar none.
This guy lies about everything.
He wasn't on the main stage, it's like,
it's like, it's a lie.
I think he dropped out of level A.
Wow, that's not good.
He says, well, no, I mean,
they're competing rumors that either he dropped out
or he got kicked out.
But that's like saying you're a karate champion
and it turns out you made like yellow belt.
You know what I mean?
Like it's that level of lie.
I think it's even bigger lie than if you just made yellow belt
seems like he's actually,
you could win a yellow belt competition
and consider yourself a champion.
Right, sure, yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he's a good guy.
We're still friends with him, but.
This is the other thing is that he said,
can you say that a little Torah lived in a gingerbread house.
That's right.
Like, what?
That's when you tapped out.
That's how it came on.
Yeah, I don't know.
And yeah, you, you, you, you kept,
because Nick kept being like, was like a dick actually
can turn from purple to white.
Yeah, I thought, like, I thought, like,
I could happen at town, like, I buy that.
Yeah.
But then I tapped in a gingerbread house.
Yeah, you did.
And I was like, I was like, he, I was like,
you get a show, I was out before that. And then I was back And I was like, I was like, you got to show,
I was out before that, and then I was back in.
Yeah.
And I was like, we got to go up there
and see this thing was basically my thought.
Right.
And Wilson had said, I think, yeah,
because I was back in at a certain point,
but then out when Ducin said,
I followed Benicio del Toro home.
Yeah.
And he was riding in that car that Willy Wonka
goes through that goes up and down.
Right.
It's out of the screen. And I was like, fuck that. And you wereka goes through, that goes up and down, right? It's out of cream, right?
And I was like, fuck that, and you were like,
no, I'm back in.
I had seen that, I had actually seen that car,
and everyone thinks I'm a liar, but I was like,
the lot, the parking lot in the lot,
there's Dylan Klebold's car there as well.
Yes, yeah, this is the studio lot where
like, Ohn is, Oprah's network, and funny values to be there. The Dylan Kle car there is there as well. Yes, yeah, this is the studio lot where like own is Oprah's network and funny values
to be there.
The Dylan CLEBOLD car is there.
That is absolutely true.
Yeah, it is the one about the Columbine death car and like drives it to work.
And Oprah gifted it to Dylan CLEBOLD.
You get a car.
You get a car.
99 was a different time.
We didn't have smartphones. But I don't know who she was giving
the car to. Oh, we defend. We defend Oprah. We defend Oprah on all that. Oprah owns.
Uh, hi, a doe boys. I found it absurd when Nick recently claimed that Mitch is competitive.
Sure, are all these clips only from two episodes? Yeah. So I have to edit out a lot in order to fit a lot of drop length. Also, yes, but I still believe
Mitch is not competitive. Wow. With love, Brad. Thanks Brad. Thanks Brad.
Who's funny? Uh, that is quality drop, quality roast. And hey, quality guests just to kick off the
your Tim Baltz is here. I Tim, thanks so much for making time for us. Hey, cheers. My pleasure.
Yeah. Thanks for being here. Sorry that we won. I like, thanks so much for making time for us. Hey cheers, my pleasure. Yeah, thanks for being here.
Sorry that we, one, I like didn't warn you that I do a drop
which is embarrassing.
Right.
But I guess it's a little bit of a spoiler alert
but we were eating lunch and it sucked.
It was bad.
Oh God.
Yeah, right.
I don't want to dislike a chain,
but we'll get into it.
We'll get into it.
Yeah. So sorry. into it. Yeah.
So sorry.
Thank you, and sorry.
Thank you, and sorry.
Well, you have to apologize to most guests for what they eat.
To come on here, right?
Yeah.
I mean, I honestly don't like it.
Yeah, it's never good.
I mean, it's fun, but even if it's fun, it's usually heavy.
Yeah.
It's rarely just like, you know, all.
Everyone either feels like shit because it's heavy or it's bad.
Yeah.
There are a few episodes where it's good and then people don't like, that's not as fun
for people to listen to, I think.
I think people would rather...
They want to stay suck, have had a bad experience.
Yeah, which you guys have a fetish
for getting yelled at for a bad food experience.
Oh, a hundred and six.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're grinning.
That's the most genuine smile I've ever seen on your face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's on me, it was bad.
Yeah. I should... We do like getting put in our place That's genuine smile ever to see now your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me it was bad.
I should we do like getting put in our place and being called like bad little boys. Basically, I think yeah, 100%.
I want to remark on this because this was unplanned.
This just happened that we are, I think perhaps representing the three most
storied franchises and NBA history via our hats.
Wow.
Which is one of his Boston Celtics hat.
I'm wearing my Los Angeles Lakers hat
and you're wearing your Chicago Bulls hat.
How about that?
Yeah, I almost wore a Spurs hat.
If that counts, I would have been number four,
probably, definitely.
Yeah, probably, definitely.
What about golden state warriors?
Shut the fuck up.
Fuckin' dorks.
You tech dorks.
I feel bad for people who are fans of the warriors before.
Oh yeah, no, like the Oakland fans were like the most hardcore fans in the NBA for a franchise that was largely pretty, you know,
kind of in a pretty feudal state for a while and then they moved to San Francisco and they start winning titles.
It's in all the tech bros hop on board. It's annoying. I agree.
Do you guys play hoop grids or a macular grid?
I had to stop. I started doing it and I was like, I was like, this is eating up like 30 minutes every day.
I just can't do it.
I'm gonna get too addicted to it.
But I do, what is it?
Absolutely, I get the if you guess.
Is it a trivia game?
Yeah.
Oh, I do movie grid.
I do the movie grid where you guess a bunch of,
so what is it?
Is it like the same thing?
Nine guesses?
Yeah, it'll be, it's a nine square grid
and then it will be like, you know, usually a couple,
like two teams in each column, or two teams
in a column, two teams in a row.
And then like, like something like,
like wanna play off series and then like, you know,
was second team all defense.
And it's just like figuring out things that slot into all this.
I'm on movie grid.
Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna tell you what's on there today. Okay, great. Which will be fun. So I feel like I would be very and all that. I'm on movie grid. Oh, I'm gonna tell you what's on there today.
Okay, great.
Which will be fun.
So I feel like I would be very bad at that,
because I forget even Celtics players
from 10 years ago.
But.
So you'd be putting in Larry Bird,
that'd be your guess.
Yeah.
If you know Hope Grids, that's humiliating.
Yeah.
Is it deep?
Is it like deep cuts?
You want the deep cuts.
Yeah, because there's also percentage,
like how many other people guess this
and you want to get the more obscure movie.
Yeah.
It works the same way.
Here's release.
Oh shit, I answered it today.
So it popped up.
Released from 1990 to 2010, Heath Ledger,
going one way.
Okay.
Will Smith, Julianne Moore.
Oh.
Yeah.
And then going down, it's released from 1999 to 2010.
Drama is a second one and one word title.
Hmm.
I mean, we don't have to play right now, but I'd rather not.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah to play. Yeah, we're not gonna
We right right yeah, right yeah, yeah, yeah
How big of like a sport. Oh, are you and and and is basketball your favorite sport like how do you rank them? Yes, I'm definitely a big sport. Oh basketball has always been my number one. Wow. I started playing why basketball when I was like six wow
and I played sports year round. That's the odd thing. My mom's from the North of France and
my parents were teachers growing up and
I'm a dual citizen. So a lot of what I present is not sporto
But I'm rabid sporto. Yeah, wow. I played the basketball in the you know winter
baseball in the spring and summer and soccer in the fall
for basically like 10 or 12 years through a lot of it through high school.
I played sports a lot, never great at them. I think I excelled at baseball the most.
I quit when I was 16. But I remember I've said this on the podcast before, but I remember
specifically going to the lunch room
at North Quincy High School,
but before I was in high school,
when I was probably in like the summer after fifth grade
or maybe the summer after sixth grade,
and I was at Raise the Curtain Summer Camp, a theater camp,
and then all the basketball camp kids came in,
they're like, what are you doing here?
And I was like, I didn't know what to do.
I was like, ah, nothing man.
They were like,
taking on these nerds.
Yeah.
I was dressed as Curly from Oklahoma.
Are you sure?
But I love basketball and it's become one of my favorite sports
to watch, but I was always very bad at it.
I was never good at basketball, but I grew to love watching it, maybe the most.
Well, it's up there when football's kid. It's up there with football.
Yeah, but those Paul Pierce early Celtics years that come back against the nets and
I think a 2000 maybe to maybe 2002. Oh, so you're talking like the pre Kevin governor. I mean, I watched, I mean, I was watching a year, like a couple of years before that.
Right.
When the Lakers took on Alan Iverson in the six or just the finals, like that was,
that was kind of around the time I was, I started getting into it more.
Well, I love it.
I'm just, I'm horrible at it.
You don't coup flags or?
No, no, no, I wasn't an athletic kid.
I was also an asthmatic kid.
So that kind of limited what I could do, you know,
from a sports standpoint.
Cuts into it.
Yeah, but...
It's even more pathetic than that.
I wasn't even.
Honestly.
I wasn't big.
I was like, you know,
freshman year of high school, I was five foot,
a hundred pounds soaking wet.
Wow.
So I hit a growth spurt, probably end of sophomore junior year.
And our basketball team at school was like 5,000 kids.
We would go to state every other year.
And I was on the soccer team, and I would have had to quit soccer
to even try out for basketball.
So one summer I did the summer high school summer league,
where there'd basically be like, there'd be like 25 people
competing for 12 spots.
And you know, the only other white guy on the team was six foot six.
And I still, I liked my chances, but I wasn't gonna quit.
Sure.
I kind of riding the bench with a great soccer team.
Yeah, yeah.
It was really fun, and we were close to making it to state.
And it was my favorite team that I ever played on.
I'm like, I don't want to quit this.
Right, right, right.
Kind of came up with all these guys playing like park district soccer and stuff.
And, um, yeah, I, but basketball was by far my best sport.
And I was like, I mean, I, I was like, a few people would be like, oh, he's the, I'm
gonna pick him last and he's just gonna, everyone's gonna think that he sucks.
And I would show up and I was very, that's cool.
Very good dribbling, very fast and, and very good shooter.
So it sucks about getting older is like like all those things kind of go away.
Yeah, sure.
And then it's like you're as mad at call the sudden.
Right.
I'm not trying.
I'm not trying.
I was trying to bring it back to the place where like,
now I'm as bad as you.
Right.
I'm like you as a child.
No, right.
You're not.
No, I'm not that bad.
You're not that bad.
I mean, I know I've never seen it, but my imagination tells me like, now I'm like, you as a child. No, I'm not. You're not. You're not that bad. You're not that bad. I mean, I know I've never seen it,
but my imagination tells me,
like, now I'm that bad.
I get picked last when like,
raised the curtain stuff.
They'd be like, you know, like,
I get picked last and I was like,
I'm better than you think I am.
Right.
They think I'm a big doof.
And then you go out there and just fucking crush them
on a lot.
Oh, man.
Oh, Clahoma, you know,
that fucking tear it up.
Spoken word, everything's up to date in Kansas City
and we're like, wow, we got balls.
He's not even on key.
He's just like talking through the song.
This guy's a stud.
Then I quit that because I was afraid of getting made
fun of in high school.
That's when I quit and doing theater stuff
and played football was horrible.
But I will say, I'm sure you have some stories of this.
Any great post practice meals you can remember.
Because I remember when my mom, I'm told on here,
but I remember after a specific football practice,
like the best McDonald's I ever had.
Thank God, I thought you were gonna say breast milk. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha from the memes, it's the, you know what I'm saying? I don't know what you mean. It's the architecture, it's that, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, the brutalist, make that decision.
Yeah, I was the brutalist McDonald's
that they use in the memes is from Quincy.
Really?
It is a good, it is, that is actually a pretty great McDonald's.
Because there is a difference, like a manager of a chain
like that makes a difference.
They were for sure, yeah.
I was more of a Burger King guy growing up
because the McDonald's in our hometown weren't awesome.
Yeah, sure.
But there was one burger king really like that.
You're always, always satisfied.
I, I, I was a, they had the status fries too,
if I don't know if you remember.
Hmm.
I don't know if you care either,
but I think it was important to point out.
Oh, yeah, it's a good point.
The, a status fries kind of ironically sucked.
Didn't they, weren't they bad?
They should, they took a few different goes
at remaking their fries and they never really sucked. Didn't they, weren't they bad? They took a few different goes at remaking their fries
and they never really did.
It shows bad, sorry.
Why you pointed out?
You know about the status fri, right?
Anyway, they sucked.
For me, Burger King was, that was my other,
maybe more so than McDonald's at one point,
that was huge for me,
because it was also walking distance from my house.
So my friends and I would walk there,
we'd like hung out in a bank parking lot near there.
You know what I mean?
That was the spot for me.
There's so many factors,
cause it's like to your point,
yes, is this individual franchise,
like a well run, a well executed version.
And then also yeah, proximity,
also factors into it.
But I think there's also a weird familial hierarchy
that just comes from your parents deciding
which are the good ones and which are the bad ones.
We always thought Wendy's was too fancy weirdly.
So we just never got it.
But so when I get on my own, I was like,
oh wow, Wendy's okay.
You'd years have the salad taco bar?
Yes, yeah.
That was fancy.
That was the biggest hack in fast food for a while.
100% go there and just build tacos.
Like I do this at home.
It's not necessarily worse than what we make at home.
Yeah.
Honestly, I think I'm a level of it.
I, the Wendy's, that Wendy's to me is like,
was the best chain that they're all up.
Yeah, it was that level.
When it was really like hitting
and now I feel like Wendy's is like, you know, it's dropped off quite a bit.
Falling off a little bit.
Or Dave Thomas.
He's dead first of all.
The worst insult.
Yeah.
But we were talking about revenge on your deathbed.
Maybe before we started the podcast.
It was slightly before we started.
Yeah.
But that seems like Dave Thomas was like,
I curse the rest of this franchise history from his death.
That he's like, like, none shall be, like, none shall be good again.
And one last thing, make my daughter really hot in the commercials from here on out.
All right, sure things, sir.
in the commercials from here on out. All right, sure things, sir.
John, big jaws.
Oh, man.
Dave, he's surprised, man.
It's a family guy before that.
We're recording this.
Stop acting it out.
You're like, oh, I wish I'd had a daughter on this.
Now you got to put that on your tombstone?
With that hand gesture.
We're gonna remake the stones
so your hands are doing this.
What's the top shot?
Yeah, the top shot.
And this thing was just going.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Let me tell you, wish granted,
because she was hot.
The hot one, he's going, oh my goodness. Very fetching. Yeah. I would, I would, wish granted, because she was hot. The hot Wendy's going, oh my goodness.
Very fetching.
Yeah, I would, I would, you know,
wouldn't that be perfect for me to marry
the Wendy's girl and the girl would have been great?
Maybe the match made in heaven, I feel like.
It'd be great synergy for the doughboys.
Yeah, people would be like,
grimacing the Wendy's girl with her hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, so what are your favorite, like, because you know, BK go to as a kid, but like, what are your favorite, like, because, you know, BK go to as a kid, but like,
what are your favorite chains, like, do you have any go-tos from either a fast food or
a sit-down standpoint?
Um, there's, like, it can be anywhere?
Anywhere, yeah.
Okay, in my hometown, uh, Joliet Illinois, there's, there's a couple, I don't know if,
I don't know how, I've never looked up like how many of these there are, but in my hometown,
there's like at least three of them, and it's called El Burrito loco. Okay, and
It's it's just great. It's so simple. Everything feels clean. You never get sick after it. Right. That's the big thing
Yeah, that's huge. You know if you're not getting sick after a certain fast food
That's kind that's rare. Right. I think yeah
It's if we we we talk about this,
because this doesn't, a lot of the times
it doesn't scratch it, maybe even today,
it doesn't scratch the edge of,
we're eating at a restaurant that we're like splurging
and actually enjoying fast food or whatever.
And I think a lot of the times
when we eat at a bad place like that,
it is like, I also feel like shit.
So it's like, you're eating something you don't like
and you feel like shit, is the worst combo for us it's like you're eating something you don't like and you feel like shit.
Is the worst combo.
And then you're going into another low T recording
of your podcast.
It's fighting off the ira and sweating through an hour.
I think every recording of our podcast is low T,
but I think that,
we're gonna test our T on one episode.
Yeah, we just never got around to it.
We're gonna run through it.
Still think that's a good Patreon episode.
Elbrito Locco is...
Oh, you know, it's gonna suck so much.
Is it?
Is it when the fucking everyone in the dose scored,
everyone in our Reddit is gonna just have a higher tea
than us?
Well, we're the lowest tea, too.
We're gonna have a tea too.
Yeah, so it's mostly like that,
South West Chicago land corridor looks like.
Got it. Yeah.
Would J. Cannell would be able to eat at it?
Is that question?
Great question.
No, it's not that old.
No, they died long before this chain started.
In fact, the two brothers are dead.
Yeah, in fact, I think the money guys behind Albrito Loco were like, they're dead.
Let's move.
Let's move.
Yeah, that. They're dead, let's move, let's move. They're moving out. That's fine. Yeah.
Yeah, that, and also there was a dairy queen
in my hometown where I had a friend working there
at any given time for eight years.
So I basically got free dairy queen
for eight solid years through high school
and into my early 20s.
That rule.
And that, you know, you can't,
I mean, you can't turn down free stuff.
Are you just doing the desserts there?
Are you doing the savory menu too?
Some savory stuff, but yeah,
I would usually find myself getting shakes.
What's your, what's your go to like a blizzard?
Yeah, yeah, peanut butter cup blizzard.
Oh, it's a great call.
But then also like, I feel like they had some like,
like hyper vanilla, you hyper vanilla marshmallow fluff type shake
that just kinda really makes you feel.
It was just awesome.
Yeah.
If you just want like a concentrated dose of that flavor.
I feel like I'm sad that there's not more,
because we had a travel just to get to dairy freeze, right?
Wasn't it?
It wasn't.
Dairy queen, yeah. There's a, there's a foster freeze in Los Angeles.
There's a crazy local spot, Jesus.
What you've seen before.
I have seen the dairy freeze.
Is that the one that a gas station?
Is a gas station across the street.
Right, right, right.
I think we need to bring them.
Wait, I think what, we almost stopped a dairy freeze
and we didn't.
Why didn't we stop there?
I don't know, I probably had to show you
like my dad's school or some shit.
There's an important thing on the stop that you had.
I don't know why we didn't do.
You did try Briggums before, before close.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
It's great.
Yeah, the Derrick Queen, there aren't any, I think the closest one in the LA area is in
Arcadia.
I think you have to go out to the Arcadia Mall.
Really?
There weirdly aren't a lot around here, but there were, when I was a cat, I mean, a group
in Lakewood Long Beach, California, there were Derrick Wayne's, like, you could go to
I went to him, right?
I want him, like, how the fosters freezes set up.
You know what I mean?
Like, the standalone shacks.
I'm sad that there's not more of those, because, yeah, the fosters are a hot dog in front.
The fosters are a hot dog in front.
Is it a ice cream?
Is it a ice cream?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, and afterwards, that would be great. There used to be a Santa Monica fosters freeze and it permanently closed, but it was one of those,
oh, this is like, it was the old school
like stand sort of thing and you could get like,
you know, all the grill favorites.
Dairy Queen at its first treat was better
than fosters freeze, right?
I think so probably, but you know, fosters freeze
is no slouch in terms of what they were doing.
Like I like that concept.
I like like, like, hey, we got burgers and dogs
and fries and sweet treats.
Like, that's what we do.
I think that's like a fun, you know, a chain restaurant. I mean, that's what shakeshacks trying to do. Yeah
There's one in an out water stuff of fossil freeze. That's right. Yeah, we went to that one. It's not bad
Oh, yeah before San Fernando, right? Yeah, and I think that I think yes
Yeah, and I think it is where isn't it isn't in pulp fiction soundfletcher
Yeah, it's on fletcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah,? Soundfletcher. Yeah, it's on Fletcher, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good one.
Yeah, yeah.
Is that the one that's from pulp?
Right, isn't pulp fiction?
It is it is, yeah.
Thank you, Casey.
I had to see you in the house.
Wait, what scene?
It's when Bruce Willis heads Marcelo's Wallace with the car.
Oh, okay.
Right outside the atwater.
If you had said the Gimpsene,
there would have been a cloud for Wager once that.
Gag ball in your mouth driving down there.
Let's talk about satellites a little bit,
because this is a satellite spot.
Yeah, never mind.
No, go on.
Say it.
When Wager, when you were talking about like playing ball,
Wigga was like, that's what was in his head.
A full gag.
Jackfuck.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm drooling down.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, wow.
Yeah, six.
Oh, yeah.
Me as a six year old.
Oh.
Nice.
Nice.
We're talking about a salad place today.
I'm curious before we get into that,
do you like the idea of,
because I feel like it's a thing that a lot of adults default to,
but it's not out of any sort of fun.
It's just because like, well,
that I gotta eat something
and this isn't going to make me feel like shit.
And this is nutritious.
The idea of a salad is a meal.
Like, how often does that a go-to for you?
Maybe a couple times a week.
I have a hard time doing it for dinner.
Yeah, that feels unsatisfying.
And for lunch, I gotta talk myself into it.
Breakfast, non-starter, it's not happening.
So it's a few times a week for lunch.
And it really has to be one of those things
where I feel so bad that I think it's gonna help me reset.
Right, yeah.
You wanna go to a spot or do you make it on your own? What do you do? What's your routine? feel so bad that I think it's gonna help me reset. Right. Yeah.
You wanna go to a spotter, you make it on your own,
what do you do, what's your routine?
Well, I probably make it on my own.
My wife Lilly, she makes a really good one.
She makes several different.
She makes a really good kale salad.
Oh wow.
And then, yeah.
And I make good like vinaigrettes or dressings.
And there you go.
So there's that.
Oh, and this is funny too.
My cousin in France, he owns, I believe,
two franchises of a fast salad place.
Whoa. Wow.
And it's called, it's way more ridiculous in French.
It's called eat salad.
Wow.
But in French, obviously, it's eat salad.
Right. That's how people, people like,
eat salad, eat salad, eat salad. Right. That's how people like eat salad.
I don't know. And I that blows my mind that people don't stop and be like,
the name is eat salad. Right. Right. You know, like to them, it doesn't sound weird.
Yeah. Where's the place here? It was called eat salad. You'd be like,
fuck off. Don't tell me what to do.
But he's crushing it. Wow. Is he? Is he, is he, did he grow up in France? Is he?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, wow.
That's cool.
And he's very, also, nothing.
I played college basketball in France.
Did you really?
They did, yeah.
Yeah, I went away for a semester and I was at this political
science institute that was like part of like, like, I guess
like a division or conference of like Polycy schools.
And I went there from January to June for the second semester
and I was walking through the hall like the first week
of school and I saw something that was like,
try out for the basketball team.
I guess they did some international people leave
after the first semester and they needed warm bodies.
And I showed up and like halfway through practice
they were like, okay, so you're starting point guard
You're like you're starting wow shit. That's fucking wild. It was it was so fun. It was like D5
Yeah, it was not
Wiggo was was on the college ball gag team
You guys traveled right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we want to throw a little bit. Um, um, American.
I'm looking at the eat salad menu and like, I, I mean, this stuff,
uh, let's just these screenshots I'm looking at, this definitely looks like a better quality
than what we had today.
We got, we got a, we got a tune in the swan there, Wags.
I, I can't bring up the, I haven't found the specific menu yet.
I'm just looking at some screenshots and some menu items.
You know, it's not, I don't speak French, so it's a little bit tougher
for me to navigate the page.
But yeah, good for him.
I'm proud of him.
Yeah, that's awesome.
He's a good guy.
I like, here's the thing.
I find myself eating salad is a meal.
I would honestly say it might be like four to six times a week.
Wow. I try to do four times. I'm regularly say it might be like four to six times a week. I'm like pretty regularly doing it.
But that's also partly Mitch because of what we're doing to our bodies for the podcast
and then also just because we both like to eat shitty food.
And so so often it's the yo-yo of like I just had a fucking trashy meal like you were saying and I got to have something better to balance this out.
A lot of the times is me eating an 800 calorie sweet green salad.
That's true too, yeah.
But, you know, it's not the most healthy thing in the world,
but it's healthier than like, you know,
getting up a strummy rubin, you know.
Yeah.
Right, so it's not like, it's not about like balance as a whole.
It's about like, I gotta, I gotta like tip the scales
in the other direction.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah, I mean, I feel the same way.
But are you counting, is it, like,
are you counting salad if it's just the meal?
Like the meal is just a salad
or if they're salad to the side?
I'm specifically thinking of like,
hey, I'm gonna have a big bowl of like the salad
is the main thing.
I'm not thinking of like,
hey, I've got like, you know, a BLT
and some salad, some greens on the side
or something like that.
Or an omelette and some greens on the side.
Like that to me is a different thing.
Oh, I'll do that pretty regularly too, but I don't know.
So you're getting a lot of salad.
I'm getting a lot of greens.
No, I eat a lot of green vegetables.
Yeah.
I mean, I should be in better shape, but I mean, you know, whatever.
Yeah, I mean, I probably like, yeah, four to four to five times a week at least.
I'm trying to eat, whether it's for lunch or dinner.
Yeah, I'm trying to eat them.
Do you know about this 30 points thing?
No, it was that.
Talking about sports.
Sports, use points.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's about getting per week, I think.
You have to get 30 points from this basically long list
of fruits and vegetables and nuts and grains and things.
And then everything has like point values.
So like nuts would probably have a quarter of a point.
Maybe Romain lettuce will be a half point,
but then of any vegetable or fruit will probably be one point.
And the idea is that if you average four or five
of those points a day,
then you get to 30 points for the week.
And that's supposed to help you balance your diet.
Oh, I like that.
And in basketball, 30 points is like, wow,
you're an all-star for sure.
Yeah. Maybe even all NBA.
No, yeah, that's average.
That's average, 30 points.
Tatum is basically average right now.
Yeah.
Down with Mitchell's up there too right now.
Who?
Out of the Mitchell.
Like your name.
It is, it's half of my name. I mean, it's the two, wait, two thirds of my name.
That's right.
Middle name is Donovan.
My middle name is Michael Donovan Mitchell.
And then an Edward, though, too, my confirmation name.
Oh, nice.
I didn't realize you factored that in.
You have a confirmation name?
I don't.
No, I mean, it was a Piscopalian, but it wasn't confirmed.
You got one?
Yeah. It's Bruno. You got one? Yeah.
It's Bruno.
Really?
That's great, yeah.
That's good.
I'm deaf for my mom's brother.
That's cool.
That's a bad word is my mom's dad, my grandpa.
I don't know why I said mom's dad.
It's the idea there, it's kind of like,
technically it is my mom's dad, but my grandpa.
It's kind of like a like a Pope thing
where it's just like you get a new name
that's like a religious name,
is that the idea behind it? Yeah. Okay. Who would you who would you choose? It's gotta be a saint. Oh, it's gotta be a saint. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
Jared.
St. Jared.
He was sainted later. Weirdly, wasn't it?
Yeah, the Catholic Church was like we approve of this.
wasn't it? Yeah the Catholic Church was like we approve of this. endorse this guy.
Um, plus the eats well.
Let's talk about chopstop. Chopstop was founded in 2010 in Burbank, California.
You know I've gotten conflicting info here. Istop was founded in 2010 in Burbank, California. You know, I've got a conflicting info here.
I've seen 2010, I've seen 2011,
I've seen 2012 in different sources.
I, so I don't know exactly what the truth is,
but it's been around for, you know, 10 to 12 years,
somewhere in that range.
Mark Colcus, who is the founder,
specifically targeted at Chopped Salad Chain.
Like, he was not just like,
I don't wanna make a salad chain, I wanna chop salad chain.
You can't get good chopped salads anywhere.
So that's his specific quirk he wanted to,
is fetish, if you will.
There are 21 locations mostly in SoCal,
though there are a few in North Carolina, Nevada.
And there's another chain just salad,
which is basically the same concept.
And I was thinking, I was like,
oh yeah, I thought this place was just salad at first when we were gonna review it. And I was like, oh yeah, I thought this place was just salad
at first when we were gonna review it.
And I was like, oh no way, chopstop is something different.
I've had both.
But here's, I think, and we'll get to this.
But I think this is a microcosm for the issues
with chopstop.
On their homepage right now is an ad that a screen cap
that says, say cheese.
It's so much easier than saying quesadilla.
Introducing quesadillas. Whyilla, introducing quesadillas.
Why are they introducing quesadillas?
Pretty good.
I had no problem with the ad, I thought the ad was pretty good.
The ad's not bad, but it's also like
why is this place doing this?
And that's kind of what I thought about a lot there, man.
You say it against say cheese.
Say cheese, it's so much easier than saying quesadilla introducing quesadillas. Maybe they're indeed introducing quesadillas
after that. I don't know. They're introducing it to their menu. Yeah. They're not claiming
to have invented quesadillas. I hope. I guess can well there's there's a couple of things
here. One chopped up salads are not great.
This, okay, so when I read about this guy,
who wants stuff finally chopped up?
So this guy, Colcus, specifically loves that.
Like he's like, I want a salad to be chopped
so you can taste all the different ingredients in one bite.
Like that's like his thing that he likes.
And if Colcus sounds like a guy we'd make up on the show.
That's it, we've ever made anyone up ever.
Not we wouldn't do that.
Kulkis sounds like a weird dude.
He was funding my web series for a little bit.
Yeah.
And then he called me back.
He just threw chop, he chopped me up.
He backed out.
This would be like, you know, 2014,
it's kind of the end where people like,
don't do a web series.
Yeah, definitely don't do a dramatic web series. Right, right. But Kulkis was like, you know, 2014, it was kind of the end where people like, don't do a web series. Yeah.
Definitely don't do a dramatic web series.
Right, right.
But Caucus was like, no,
he was taking jokes out of the script,
which was really frustrating.
Yeah, because like,
hey, it's great that you're giving us
to financial support,
because his family, like,
bread thoroughbreds,
like that's his whole thing.
It's like a horse, you know,
it's a horse breeding family.
And so he has a lot of money from that.
Caucus farms.
Caucus farms, yeah.
And so, you like, you like that he's giving you the financial support,
but what you want, ideally, is the financial support
but then the creative freedom.
You know, you hope that he's kind of acting as a benefactor.
Instead, he's like, I wanna be a collaborator.
He's very handsome.
And he forced us to write in Google Docs
that he could see every change that was made.
Right.
And then he'd come out and he'd either put a comment on it
or he'd just like revert. That's, heard the prick. That's a prick. I've heard that I heard that he tried to buy the
home alone library because Colchus. He hates Culkin. It's too he says too close. When someone says
Culkin, he was too close. Right. What does he mean? It's like, I think the name is too close to his name.
But he only says he bought home on three and nobody gave
He's like you bought the one without coconut in it. Cocus you fucking idiot
And he was like well that was the one that was affordable. It's like yeah, no shit
That's the one that was no one no one cares about that one and then and on the top of home on three
It says a cultist production
You know, this is the kind of guy that we're dealing with. This is what we're dealing with, and this is the chopstop guy. So who wants to eat chopped up salads? Who wants that?
Cokis does apparently. I mean, I'm not saying that I haven't, because people get mad at me, but
chopped salads actually pretty good sometimes. I'm like, yeah, I know, I get that. It is good sometimes,
but I, but I do not, I don't like to, it's like mushing, it's mush.
Yes, it is good, I think the key there,
it is good sometimes.
This entire concept, this entire restaurant
is built around shop salads.
Is that enough to sustain a chain?
I mean, we're finding out in real time,
but I will say that I've had this place before.
And I felt it was fine, I just got a salad from there.
And in my memory.
I certainly did not mess around with some of the other menu items that we'll talk about today.
But the thing that I thought succeeded the most there in my experience, I got the Viva
Mexico Chop, which is romaine roasted chicken, cheddar tomato, black beans, fresh jalapenos,
tortilla strips, and a creamy chipotle dressing. And presentation very nice.
I will say the way the stuff is laid out in the bowl, it's just like all the different
components are sort of set aside.
The bowl gives enough room for mixin, which is a huge thing for me.
I feel like a lot of times these salad places, they've got to make sure on dressing, it's
like a little bit of a mess.
I just think in the history of everyone saying Viva Mexico, yours was the darkest ever
said.
I got the Viva Mexico. Yours was the darkest ever said. I got the Viva Mexico chopped.
I don't know if anyone's ever said that phrase
as Dorothy as you're sorry.
It sounded like someone had an ADR
Viva Mexico in while you were saying your sentence.
That's it.
Yeah, but good presentation.
Yeah. Good craftsmanship.
Yeah. It looked good.
I saw it before you cracked it open.
It did look good.
And I think that dressing was, it was an ample amount in that It looked good. I saw it before you cracked it open. It did look good.
And I think that dressing was, you know,
it was an ample amount in that little cup.
And I think it was, you know,
I think that the different components work together.
I like the fresh jalapenos.
They weren't too prominent,
but it was nice to have them there
because I'm a bit of a heat seeker
and having that spice I thought was just like,
you know, just just gave it a little bit of extra flavor.
This was like a totally fine lunch.
And if I had stopped at the Viva Mexico shop,
I would be like, okay, I'm set.
I'm all square here.
Like this place is fine,
but then we get into the other menu items.
I'm just gonna say something.
Yeah.
I get why you were so distracted by Jimmy.
Get me the dogs, yeah.
You get me the dogs.
Jimmy Dog is kind of distracted by Jimmy.
She's just kind of a constant, you know, watchful presence
She doesn't really emote or certainly doesn't vocalize which again
What we said is a great representation of someone listening to the park. Yeah
This is most listeners in the car right now. We're just doing the jet
Just on a treadmill just like
Just on a treadmill, just like. Is there something that could help me pass the time unemotionally?
I completely neutral look on my face.
Literally a robot recharging.
Now, there's a crying baby, you've got to put on white noise machine or the doughboys
podcast.
Either one of them I think does the same. the crying baby, you've got a white noise machine or the Doe Boys podcast.
You don't want to let my thing does the same.
Like, chop stuff episode of Tim Boss.
Oh my God, yes, absolutely.
Kid is gonna think they're floating in space.
That's not.
That's not.
Very sweet.
And we've made some lovely eye contact.
A bit forced, not my decision.
She's very sweet. She's very sweet, she's a very sweet dog. She's a very sweet, she's a real decision. She's very sweet. She's very sweet dog.
She's a very sweet. She's very, very cute. This was this to me. I got the, I got the
the Choppanini, right? Me too. Yes. So the Choppanini is like there, first of all,
and this is it, this was your observation. The Portmento makes you think you're going to get
like a stand-witch. It's not a stand-witch. Yeah, it is panini pressed, but that is even more...
It's just a press burrito.
It's a press burrito.
Exactly.
And so, which Chopinini did you get?
I got the chicken Caesar...
Oh, maybe it's just called the Caesar.
The Caesar Chopinini is roasted chicken, hard boiled egg, shaved parmesan, tomato celery,
romaine, and Caesar sauce.
And which one did you get?
I believe the Tex-Mex. Tex-Mex is the avocado roasted chicken, pepper jack, romaine, and Caesar sauce. And which one did you get? I believe the Tex-Mex.
Tex-Mex is the avocado roasted chicken, pepper jack,
roasted corn, black beans, romaine and cilantro,
lime sauce.
And the third one that we got.
They say that was a Caesar sauce?
Caesar sauce is what they call it.
I've never heard anyone call Caesar dressing Caesar sauce.
I don't know why they don't just call it Caesar dressing,
but they insist on calling it sauces,
as they called my dressing the Chipotle sauce.
The, the, the choppin, the Greek choppinini
is the third one we got, and I got that one just to take
of some bites of in share.
This is feta crumbles, garbanzo beans, red onions,
tomato, bell pepper, romaine, and Caesar sauce.
So they're all kind of just like the same components
in different configurations.
Some of them are wrapped in a tortilla
and grilled some of them are just in a bowl.
I bid in to mine and I thought it was the Greek one.
Right.
Yeah, and if you bid in to mine,
you could have thought it was the Greek one too, honestly.
I think the little chunks of chicken
with the Caesar one help a little bit,
but they're all pretty,
it's very wet, mushy food.
It's like to me, it's like,
look,
to like an assisted living home or something. I don't wanna say that. I hope that there's better food there. It's very wet, mushy food. It's like, to me, it's like, look,
to an assisted living home or something. I don't wanna say that.
I hope that there's better food there.
They did say it.
I did say it.
I was like, this tastes like assisted living home food.
Right.
I screamed that out loud.
Yeah.
My grandma wasn't assisted living for a while,
but it's that sort of thing where I'm like,
this is like soggy and easy to eat or something,
and it's depressing in the way that it feels like, I'm like, this is like soggy and easy to eat or something and it's like depressing
in the way that it feels like I'm close to death. I guess there's no better way to put it.
Like it just is like, I could, I could see this is there's something inherently depressing
about this meal. Yeah, it the when when Doc in back the future, is taking the garbage and dumping it
into the car for fuel.
Oh yeah.
It felt like that wet kind of garbage in a wrap.
It was way too much dressing.
It really was heavily dressed.
Soaking wet.
It's so much dressing.
They're all wet.
Yeah, you're even like a wet log.
That's like, like you said, it's a burrito
that's been pressed, not a panini.
First of all, I don't think it would work in a panini
because I think it all just spill out.
No, absolutely not wearing a panini.
It makes sense that it's a wrap, it's just a using name.
Which, and then, then, I'm sure you're about to point this out.
It's already, if I'm jumping the gun,
but then they also have what they call a chopperito,
which is the same ingredients without the wrap in a burrito bowl. I went this out, started if I'm jumping the gun, but then they also have what they call a chopperito,
which is the same ingredients without the rap
in a burrito bowl.
So there's no,
I'm not feeling.
More confused, it's so much more confusing.
Yeah, he had to tell someone,
like they had to have focused tested this.
So like, hey, what do you think a chopperito?
What do you think that, what are you thinking of?
They would describe what the chopperinini is.
Cause like that's what it sounds like,
but no, the chopoparito is a bowl
with rice instead of greens.
Fucking what's his name?
Hulk-ass.
Hulk-ass, fucking Hulk-ass man.
No one, I don't think people like this idea enough.
Here's, Hulk-ass told me he was gonna build a roller coaster.
Did you guys get on this email?
He facetime me to tell me.
He facetime you about this, yeah.
Or like, oh, you're investing in a amusement park.
It's like, no, I'm just gonna build like
it's the standalone coaster.
And the whole idea of the coaster
was like an anti-vax coaster.
Yeah.
So it's like, you're about to get the shot
and then there's the drop.
So you miss, like, you don't get, you know what I mean?
Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's.
It wasn't about shedding the virus.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, he's, no, it's not a it wasn't about shedding the virus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And you know, he's no, it's not a surprise.
He leads with his views. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's right out there.
Yeah, very politically forward CEO. He's an activist CEO.
We find this guy's very liberal pro. I mean, look, his food is just maybe not that good.
Is the issue here or or it's for someone who like him.
Yeah.
Is like chop salad in every configuration you can think of.
Yes.
But the but here's the thing.
And I think this is this is we all had the same feeling here.
The overdressed choppinini, the overdressed wrap with is confusing, because like that-
It needed rice, the balls had rice.
So why doesn't that-
It needs something to keep it solidified.
Yeah, a little bit more substantive in there
or just less like moisture,
because there was like, for instance,
the one I got, the Greek Choppanini,
which had the feta and the Caesar sauce.
It, like the feta's already giving it
a little bit of moisture.
I mean, you got some other elements in there,
like some other wet ingredients, like tomato and bell pepper. I mean, you got some other elements in there, like some other wedding greetings,
like tomato and bell pepper.
It's not like a complete dry guy in there.
It's, and but it was just like a bath,
it's worth of liquid.
Like it was just, I described it as just like,
it was like, you know, there's like cold soup inside of a wrap
and it was really an appetizer.
Yeah, I said mine looked like an Italian wedding soup,
right, in a wrap. Yeah, it looked awful. Like it was a an appetizer. Yeah, I said mine looked like an Italian wedding soup, right, in a wrap.
Yeah, it looked awful.
You also described at the end when you had your
soul rolled up as the diaper of your,
the end of your meal, which was very act-or-a-ra.
It did look like a diaper, yeah.
It did look like a stored diaper with like a child inside.
I bid in just to describe the flavor.
When I bid into that cheap,
that the Greek choppinini.
Did I have something hang out of my nose the whole time?
I just took something away from her nose.
Don't show it on the camera.
It's good.
You look fine to me.
Yeah, you look fine.
They would have the KCNMO to set something.
I don't know if you would find something.
What a nightmare.
Yeah.
People will be able to find it.
They're gonna find it.
Yeah.
You call it out.
Can we blur my face for most of this?
I'm happy I was so knowing.
Oh man, Mike, I'm sorry he has to see that.
You needed a, like, you're right.
You needed a some spongy thing to soak up the liquid
because it's insanely wet.
It's like, if you're, I think before the podcast,
we were also talking about how Ducin
would recommend you get a ball gag that is mostly sponge,
right?
It sucks up more of the drool.
Yeah.
And Tufson was on the ball gag team with you in college, right?
Isn't that how you guys first met?
That's how we first connected.
He was not, he was always nice back then.
Couldn't tell.
Yeah.
Yeah, honestly, couldn't tell.
Couldn't tell.
Couldn't tell.
Couldn't tell.
Couldn't talk.
You told me that though, the first, the first ball gag tournament you guys had, that
you went into the locker room and the ball gag tournament you guys had, that you went into the locker room
and the ball gag was in Dufson's ass.
And you're like, what the fuck are you doing, man?
You're playing your mouth, it's a ball gag.
And he was like, I still don't know if he was like doing
like a bit, that's all of these.
Like you don't know if he's doing a bit
or if he's just like dumb or like being mean.
It's one of those things.
I feel like I own myself,
can ballgags going your masks?
Is that my wrong there?
Can they?
They can, yeah.
They can.
Yeah, they can.
I mean, I saw him do it.
So they can.
Yeah, okay, no, I know.
I know you saw a tooth, I know that.
Get it right around the front of him like a jockstrap.
Yeah, that's fine.
Good, all right, good, okay.
So I saw it in practice.
But normally they go in your mouth. Normally they go in your mouth. Yeah, I'm gonna have to hook that. All right, good, okay. So I saw it in practice. But normally they go in your mouth.
Normally they go in your mouth.
Yeah, all right, good, good, good, good, good.
No, he was just like, I'm,
true, he had that on, he was like,
he said, I'm ready for my close-up.
And we said, why?
We're just all confused.
Also, he was facing you.
So it's just, it's just decking balls,
it can roll around.
And him and you be like,
what are you, no, we're about to go into the competition.
Yeah, right, right.
Then he turned around.
And Mike, you know, it's interesting for as much as you know
about ballgags, you also shockingly know so little about ball.
Yeah.
Of course they can go in your ass.
Come on, man.
They can go in your, it seems like that was a dumb quag.
Like, you know, it's just about anything can.
Yeah.
I mean, the entire, the strap could go in your ass.
Yeah.
It's just a very funny thing.
You know, I mean,
I'm sorry.
I lost my mind a little bit there.
But you guys won that tournament anyway.
We won, yeah.
Despite Dufson's.
No, yeah.
Took on the gold.
So the talking about the great,
the reic Chopinini,
my first bite into that was,
it was putrid.
That the tasted so bad. I think I bid into that. It it was putrid. That tasted so bad.
I think I bid into it, I was just like,
all this sucks.
It was really wretched.
And if I order this for my lunch,
thinking like, hey, you know what,
I'll have a wrap and I'll have a Greek wrap.
That seems like a thing they can't mess up.
And this will be kind of a healthy lunch, lighter lunch.
And I'd be pot committed to this thing.
I'd be like, this, I can't believe
I wasted like $11 on this.
Cause it just tasted
rotten.
Yeah, it's, and also another thing too, just, it's, it's such a fucked up thing.
It's detracts from the great Italian leader Roberto Chopinini.
It just takes away from his name.
Right.
He was one of the legacy of Chopinini. The regular, yeah, the legacy of Choppanini.
The regular, yeah, the legacy of Choppanini.
It's coming after, you know, the fascist regime of World War II, he really brought the country,
you know, how liberalized it into modern democracy.
Mussolini and then Choppanini, he got it.
Right, yeah.
They brought the brought the country back.
They're monuments to him.
He did give Berlusconius start.
So he is a problematic figure later in his life.
Yeah.
That's true. That's true.
But he but still, I mean, you're gonna name the Choppanini
Burrito after him that sucks.
I don't know if you think Kulcus even knows about him.
That's a great point.
Wow. Yeah.
He just thought he came up with Choppanini.
Yeah.
Study up on Italian leaders.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh.
And then you dare, you, you dare put a Greek salad in a chapa Neenie.
I mean, you're going to start a war.
I don't think there's a single, there's a single Italian.
I guess the Caesar salad is the, that's the Caesar salad is the, that's the one, right?
I'm not even sure how Italian a Caesar salad is.
I feel like that's, isn't that a,
didn't that originated America?
I don't know.
Either way, like all that aside,
this feels like a thing you shouldn't have been able
to mess up and it tasted, to me, this one in particular,
I'm not sure how yours tasted.
I wanna get those assessments.
Mine tasted disgusting.
Like, it was one of the worst things I've eaten for the podcast in a while.
That's interesting.
Cause mine actually tasted like dog shit, dude.
It's horrible.
But they're bad.
They were bad.
I didn't finish it and I was starving.
I mean, we did try some other stuff.
I got a pretzel.
We all took a bite of the pretzel.
Again, like the case of deal.
Why are they doing this?
Why do they have a pretzel?
I don't really get it, I guess. It wasn't. Yeah. The pretzel felt Again, like the case of you, why are they doing this? Why do they have a pretzel? I don't really get it, I guess.
It wasn't, yeah, the pretzel felt like,
I think one of you said like a hot dog bun
that had been pressed together, but it all,
it didn't feel cooked, like the way that I pulled it apart.
It felt like someone had just held their hands
on the hot dog bun.
Yeah.
Kind of like twisted it a little bit.
It felt, yeah, it felt like it had been held by sweaty hands.
Maybe it had been.
Maybe that was part of the joke.
I said it.
Yeah, it felt like, yeah, you're saying instead of being cooked,
it just felt like it was wrong out by the way.
It had been held, yeah, for a long time in a place.
Yeah, it was, it was bad.
I mean, it was, to me, I was almost alike to it
because I was like, this is just bread.
At least I'm just getting like salty bread.
But then the case idea also wasn't good.
And again, what are they doing with the case idea?
Yeah, and that's salsa I thought was pretty gross.
Yeah, that salsa wasn't great.
It was just weird.
I mean, Amelia, who has, who's a much,
there's more of a pretzel fan than us,
she, she really dislike the pretzel.
She thought it was pretty bad.
Made a real show of like pulling it apart
and showing us how bad it was.
Yeah, she was very Italian in that moment.
She was like really, you know what I'm saying?
The Jersey.
This is an insult to Choppanini.
He's like, really calm down.
He's like,
he's like,
he's like,
he's like,
he's like,
he's like,
he's like,
he's like,
he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, No, it was the chicken Caesar Chopinian was bad. It was a fact that nothing I had was good.
And then also it makes a question, you know,
like Tim's never done the podcast before.
Why'd we do this?
You know, why did we do this to you?
Well, I picked it.
You, yeah, but we gave you a list of four or five things, right?
Yeah, you picked a bad, you did.
I mean, it's, you know, it's a role of a die, but you know.
But it doesn't seem like it should be a bad one. Right. Like, you look at all these salad places mean it's you know, it's a role of a die, but it doesn't seem like it should be a bad one
Right, like it's just like you look at all these salad places. I don't chop stuff. I ain't get a salad there
I don't know. It seems fine. All right. I kind of ruined my day
I kind of felt bad because it felt like I was making the safe choice
Yeah, and I was basing it a bit based on how much I laughed reading chopinini. I thought that was funny
But then I looked at the menu and I thought okay okay, well, there are some risks to take that
might promote some good conversation.
And then there are some like safe choices on this.
And then at the end of the day, the menu is, it's a mess.
It's all over the place.
Yeah.
It's a-
What are they doing?
Look, I-
What are we at Alcove?
You know, I mean, if you live in LA.
I remember, I was living in LA and Lily and I were first
starting to date and she had some friends that grew up here
and so they really know like they have like really hard
opinions, not all high-end stuff.
They have opinions about any food scene
and any neighborhood across LA.
Yeah.
And at one point I was like, oh yeah,
I'm going to Alcove for lunch or something like that.
And she's like, what? Why? And I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to Alcove for lunch or something like that. And she's like, what?
Why?
And I was like, I don't know.
She's like, what could you possibly get at Alcove?
And I told her, I don't know this thing or that thing.
And she's like, Tim, you can't go to Alcove ever again.
And it was such an LA homegrown opinion. know, I was like, I don't know,
I get the chilaquiles and she responded, you could drive 20 minutes to Lincoln Heights
and get the best chilaquiles of your life for like $7 or something. Well, I'm not driving
20 minutes. I don't care. But her point remains that their, their menu is just like, everything
is just like, get on there. Get it on there.womp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, pwomp, like TLDR, I'm fine with alcohol, but it provokes like such hard opinions because
the menu's gigantic, there's no theme.
It's a, it's wise, it's a bit like a cheesecake factory
sort of deal.
Yes, 100%.
I'm looking up their current menu now
to see if there's any, yeah, the chelikilets are on there.
I like the turkey hummus melt, and I like to sell,
that's what I like, and that's gone basically.
See, and I like to, I like to,
the house sell there, but you're right,
there's like one billion things on that menu.
And here they're doing the same,
they are doing the same thing,
but even worse than alcove food,
much worse than alcove food.
You know why the turkey milk got removed?
Was that, I told Dufson,
it was my favorite thing on their menu,
and he basically like spammed their comment section and
Said he he was like the turkey hummus mall. It gave me diarrhea so many times
Getting diarrhea from this. He was just trying to spite you bases. Yeah, that's fucking bullshit
Yeah, because I confronted him in front of a bunch of Chicago people and I was like you weren't on main stage
Yeah, right you just took classes
And like I ran into his family members in like Iowa
or wherever the fuck he's from, you know,
and they were all like, oh, Dufson did,
they call him Dufson, all their last,
they're all, they're all the last names Dufson.
They said, oh, him Dufson.
And they're like, like, oh, it's not so cool.
So you were you on main stage with Dufson and I was like,
no, no, you didn't do it.
You never drove the five hours to realize that he wasn't,
he was a nobody there.
Yeah, no offense. A lot of great nobody's in every town, in the country. never drove the five hours to realize that he wasn't, he was a nobody there. Yeah.
No offense.
A lot of great nobody's in every town,
100% in the country.
There's nothing wrong with that.
No.
And his proof was like, then like,
oh, I wasn't in Mainstead in Chicago,
then he'd like, pull his shirt up and be like,
then why do I have this tattoo of a teardrop,
like under my nipple?
Oh yeah.
And everybody like, like, I do, why do you have that?
He's like, that's what you get after you do your first year
on the main stage.
I would have known you like, don't.
No, you don't.
You don't.
You don't.
It's not true, right?
No, it's not true.
And I didn't even know about that.
Like, that was a lie.
He had started independently.
Yeah.
And then he like, like, he slipped me ketamine
or something like that.
And I was in a K-hole.
And I kind of came to in this tattoo parlor
with this guy about to give me the thing under my nipple.
Oh my god.
To legitimize his bogus little thing.
Maybe like bolts has it.
Yeah, I'm like, no, no.
So, but I'm very, I'm famously very resistant to ketamine.
Well, I was barely in the K-hole, barely.
That's on your Wikipedia weirdly.
I'm, there's a whole section about your resistance to ketamine.
That's true. Well, if it wasn't a whole section about your resistance to catamene. Yeah, that's true.
Well, if it wasn't on there before, it will be for real, Matt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the other thing too, is that Dufson claims
to have Dell closest skull.
He always says that he's the one who wanted
to have the Dell closest skull.
And he doesn't.
He has the skull from whatever cemetery plot is right next
to Dell. Yeah. Which he should be in jail for. Yeah. That's desecration. Yes, and he doesn't. He has the skull from whatever cemetery plot is right next to Jellys Grove, yeah.
Which he should be in jail for.
Yeah, that's desecration.
Yeah.
Yeah, like he, he got, he removed it like way too soon too.
It was like, I think that funeral was like a week ago.
Yeah, Bill Murray was still in town
after saying goodbye to Dell at the hospital.
Yeah.
And yeah.
Then he just robbed an adjacent grave
just so we could say. Fresh, a fresh adjacent grave. Yeah, and yeah, and then he just robbed an adjacent grave just so we could say fresh a fresh adjacent grave
Yeah, and then went like you know went from theater to theater being like do you want you will you buy del school?
To buy sell it will you buy del skull just think about that?
That's a piece of shit right and how old was he he was in high school because that was 1999 yeah
What an asshole well he was plugged in though
Here's here's the other guy. Here's the other one.
He was in high school. Oh, here we go. I've heard like I, I, I had, it was cow
packish, right? Saw his birth certificate. Yeah. And said he was born in 1965.
Yeah, he's 165. He was born 65.
And there's pictures of him
with the first SNL cast as a 10 year old intern.
Yeah, right.
From what we can tell based on like picture.
Oh yeah, the picture that he showed us.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He used to do blow with Karlin.
That's what yeah,
because he, when we tell that story
and then be like, wait, weren't you in high school
in the 90s and then he tried to make it make sense?
Yeah.
Well, I was like very young and he was almost like, yeah, that's, he slipped up big time.
Yeah.
And then he, he brags that he, he gave Steve Martin the idea for King Tut.
That's right.
Right.
And we're like, how old were you?
There's no way.
We're like, well, that was before I was born.
It was like, what?
Yeah.
This logic doesn't track at all.
It's crazy that Ducin will be 60 in two years.
I mean, he will be, if his burns are getting in.
If his burns are getting in, it's true.
It's true, who knows?
Yeah, who knows?
And yet he looks like us, so what's his secret?
He looks great.
So you guys look good.
I've been in bucks.
This guy's getting IVs.
I wouldn't be shocked if he was getting IVs.
Yeah, I think he's definitely getting IVs.
Wait, why do we bring up doomsend to begin with?
Um, he's gonna be on the podcast next week.
Oh, it's a strike.
Yeah, January 12th, right?
Yeah.
I'm January 6th.
Yeah.
You insisted on that.
Yeah, insisted on it.
And so, so I just think it'll be funny.
Yeah.
You know, I'm just a little easter egg for the fans.
Yeah, it's not a normal release date, but we're gonna comedy you.
Any other thoughts on this, on the food here?
Should we get to our fork scores?
I think we should get to the fork scores.
Yeah, too wet, that's the main thought.
Very, very, way too wet.
So Tim, here's how this will work.
Well each go around, we'll give our closing argument for this particular chain for chopstop
and then end that, if you will, with a fork score from zero to five.
So your guest will begin with you, your thoughts, your fork score.
My thought was definitely too wet, too much on the menu.
That was, you got to pair it down.
Yes. you know.
I guess I give them some props for essentially saying,
we love chop sales, we're gonna figure out
every different way that we can pretend
to present it to you in a different style.
Yeah.
So props to that, they're maximizing their one thing.
Unfortunately, unfortunately for the consumer.
one thing, unfortunately, unfortunately for the consumer.
I gotta say, I wanna give it zero forks, but looking at your salad, I'll give it one fork.
Because I wish I had ordered that.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
And even though I didn't taste it,
and I might have been underwhelmed,
I think I'll give it one fork.
Wow, one fork.
It's tough, because I'd look. I think I'll give it one fork. Wow, one fork. It's tough because I look, I feel five.
It's hard for me to give it five for some going to do that, but it's
hard. It is, it's a difficult thing.
Look, I know it's cheap.
That's the thing about chop stop.
Ray is like, it's a cheap.
It's, it's affordable launch, but is it even that cheap?
Here's, here's my, here's my big thought about it
I was doing a little walk today with Evan Susser and
We walk by a little doms. I see this guy right here
See it with some friends right and your lovely wife you all had a meet cute before a record before the record
I saw you and you there was a plate in front of you as I said hey don't touch say you got a no boys to and I was joking at the time
And now on hindsight, I'm like, I feel so bad.
If you did like, if you held the back a little bit
on what you were gonna eat, before doughboys,
because what you ended up getting was so shitty.
I hedged my bets, so you don't have to feel that bad.
I took a few bites, Lily had gotten like, you know,
some bad get, you know, ham, cheese, whatever. Yeah, yeah. And we'd been on the picket line, and I gotten like some baguette,
ham, cheese, whatever.
And we'd been on the picket line,
and I was like, I just need to eat a couple things
in case I'm disappointed.
Yeah.
So I ate like a quarter of her sandwich.
It was a great move.
It was a great bet because this place sucks.
And the guy, it's bad.
It's shitty.
And I was, I was with, here's where I knew it was bad.
The guy who I was with who was probably eyeing that plate
in front of you quite a bit was Evan Susser.
Yes.
And Evan Susser, I said, he said, I gotta get lunch.
And I said, you know, we're getting chop, chop.
You toss in an order if you want to.
And Suss goes, no.
Chop, chop, sucks.
Yeah.
Evan Susser turned down a free meal from Chop, no. Shop, shop, sucks. Yeah.
Evan Susser turned down a free meal from shop shop.
That's wild.
Evan Susser doesn't turn out free meal from fucking anywhere
in the world.
That's the first time I've heard of this happening.
He didn't want shop shop, he said no.
And he's like, you ever had it before?
I was like, no, he's like, it sucks.
And it's bad.
It's pretty bad.
We're on a run of stinkers.
I gotta go one and a half forks.
Wow, one fork two times.
I mean, maybe I have to try some salads.
I like you on my, but like, I don't like,
I don't like finely chopped salads.
I agree. I don't like it either.
I think it also, like, look, this is logistically,
it's tougher to eat.
It's a little harder to fork this thing.
The, by the way, Mitch, I brought it to the menu
because you talked about it being affordable.
I wasn't sure that was true.
Just to bring up one salad here, the Santa Fe chop,
which we didn't get, that's 1329.
So it's not like this is like,
I should point.
I mean, I said that today's order was about $85.
Yeah, and that was for what, three salads, three wraps,
and then a couple of other items.
So it's not super cheap.
It's about $12 a salad or a chop and any.
Okay, I actually looked up or was able to find
a January 2011 review from the Burbank leader
local paper of the grand opening of the original chopstop.
So I'm gonna go ahead and read a little excerpt from this.
This is by Stan Wauer.
The Chop Stop, Burbank's newest fast food restaurant, advertises a salad loaded with fresh
wholesome foods that are nutritious, delicious, and fast.
From my experience eating lunch at the Chop Stop with my wife on the day of its grand opening
celebration, January 7th, it delivered in two categories, fast and nutritious.
It's fast because everything is pre-chopped,
but both my wife's cob chop, 924 at the time,
and my chop shop classic, 849 at the time,
thanks, Biden, had too much dressing,
which made the salads too soggy and lacking in Christmas.
So too much dressing as identified
in the initial review of the first location
before it was a chain.
So much dressing.
Too much dressing.
Too much sauce.
I also ordered the spicy Asian soup,
not in their menu anymore,
that wasn't even a bit spicy.
When someone puts spicy on its menu, I want it spicy.
I want a sweat.
I could not taste the pepper and chini
and that Edamame was not the right texture for the soup.
The soup might have been more interesting
if the Edamame was cooked a bit longer
and if there was more spice in the Chinese noodles
or crispyer. They also do not include a roll or crackers with a salad or soup. The suit might have been more interesting if the edamame was cooked a bit longer and if there was more spice than the Chinese noodles were crispier.
They also do not include a roll or crackers
with a salad or a soup.
My wife purchased a roll for 79 cents that was stale.
Again, stale bread and issue we had today.
She brought it to the attention of the manager,
he checked it out, determined that it was indeed stale
and tossed it away without a word to my wife.
No stari or can I get you something else.
The chopstop needs to go light on the dressing
and give the customer additional dressing on the side
for those who crave more.
The chopstop is a great concept, a fast meal that's healthy.
I was there on the Chamber of Commerce Ribbon Cutting Day.
Photographers were there, it was a little hectic.
I'm not going to rest to judgment.
I will wait a couple of months and try it again.
Two stars was the review at the time of January 2011.
Well, we've waited a decade and are trying it again.
I think it's regressed.
I'm with the Spoon Man and we're gonna be ballpark buds here
because I'm gonna go one fork in two times.
I think this is 1.5 forks.
The salad was okay.
Like the salad was fine.
And if I just had the salad, the Viva Mexico salad,
I probably would have gone two and a half forks.
So, to be honest, I'm the salad the Viva Mexico salad I probably would have gone two and a half for. To be honest I'm okay with the Viva Mexico salad.
How am I supposed to say?
You're right.
Yeah, cosine.
I mean, maybe I want to put two just to, no, I really do think it's one.
I'll go up to two.
I'll say two forks.
Well, so we'll be, we'll be, what was the, didn't we have a thing? I was a ladder.
It was the ladder buddy.
It was like some sort of stepping ladder ladder.
So, yeah, I think it was ladder lads.
It's bad.
Whatever it was.
It wasn't, it wasn't, it was never that good.
Or was it like stair step club?
Was it, yeah, stepping, something was stepping in it or stares?
What was that?
What was the reviewer's name?
Evan Wower.
Uh, his name was Stan Wauer. Stan Wauer.
Stan Wauer.
Not Wauwd.
Yeah.
Wauwur.
He says that was the restaurant.
Wauwur.
What?
I'll go, I'll canonically go two forks.
One fork, one to have forks, two forks.
Cause I do think that that that salad was fine.
All right. That was a review of chop stuff. Hey, you can only go from here. That's nice. to have forks two forks because I do think that that that salad was fine.
All right, that was a review of chopstop. Hey, can only go from here. That's nice. This is what do you mean in the episode? Okay, sure.
Yeah.
A lot of room to grow.
Yeah.
Well, wait until, wait until you see what doofson picks.
That's a great point.
You're soon going to be like, you know, they franchise these dumpsters.
I doubt it.
He's going to bring you dumpster food.
I'm like, no, no, it's great. And he'll
have some fake receipt that he drew in like colored pencil. Yeah. With a purple Benicio
Del Toro dick on it. And you guys will eat it. You'll get halfway through and you're like,
God damn it. We got tricked into a zero fork situation. Do you know, you know what's funny? You know
how he wrote those reviews. He was over in my house and he was and I gave him, I put out a hummus
and he was, he loved it. He was like, what is this shit?
He was just shoveling hummus down his throat.
Yeah.
And I was like, it's hummus.
And then he just got quiet because I know that the turkey, I know that he came up with
those turkey hummus reviews.
I know it was him who spammed him.
Right, right.
Well, and also he claimed to have visited Greece and that he didn't know what hummus was.
Yes.
And so again, it's just like, come on, dude.
Stop calling on yourself.
And my pet peeve, I don't know if you have this
with other people, but definitely with Doofson.
I hate when he describes something that he likes as shit.
I love this shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's shit?
Is it shit or is it not shit?
Like also, you know, finished chewing before you,
Mark.
Yeah. Well, he was doing that when he was like showing family portraits.
It was like, it was like him and his mom.
And he pointed his mom was like, I love this shit.
He said, please finish your mom.
It's really inappropriate.
And he's like, no, because I love her, you know.
Yeah. That's how I say it.
Yeah, it comes off weird.
It comes off weird.
Yeah. After that hummus thing, I was like forever.
Like, this is for like a couple of years after that,
I would be like, I would pull out eggs
and he's like, I can't believe that hummus comes from that.
I was like, what the fuck is he talking about?
I think he thought like, if you crack an egg open up,
that hummus is inside.
I think hummus is inside eggs.
Yeah.
Inquiry, like, look, I don't know.
That's doofset.
I don't, I don't know.
I don't know. Do you want toson, I don't, I don't know, I don't know.
Do you wanna know?
Not really, but again and again, I'm always like,
I get mad and I take a deep breath and I say,
do you even wanna know about Dufson?
He's pretty pissed that you took the January 6th spot too.
He told us that, he wanted the January 6th spot.
He really wanted.
Well, you dodged a bullet.
That's true.
He really did, cause you have no idea what he would say.
That's great.
That's a great one.
And he would have figured out a way to record it
from outside.
Yeah.
So that if you're like, you know what,
we gotta scrap this episode.
We're just gonna be a week behind,
starting in January, like he would have put it,
he would have uploaded it.
Yeah.
The Dufson pod episode one or something
would go off, yeah.
Yeah.
Look, we hate this fucking guy,
but we also, we love him.
He's, we love him, he's our friend. He's our friend, we love the guy. guy, but we also we love because we love him. He's our friend
He's our friend. We love the guy if he needs anything we'll be there for
He's got a special coming out
Yeah, um, so that'll be you know, I hope that goes well for you and Fox Nation special. Yeah, um, I'm excited to see it
Yeah, he said yet he was in the hospital for like a day and a half after he's sonned his asshole for the cold open
of that time.
Right.
And yeah, he fell asleep.
He fell asleep.
He was outside for like two and a half days.
I'm just, you know, he was at sunscreen everywhere
except his ass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just got torched.
He's using it in the opening, so I wonder what it is.
I wonder what it is.
And then he filmed the special like,
well, like 18 hours after he got out of the hospital.
So he's walking around like the special,
like, you know, he's moving the cord,
like most stand-ups do, you know.
But he's like barely moving,
and you could tell he's in so much pain from his ass hole.
And you know who funded it?
Caucus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Caucus.
That's what they're putting the chops.
That's, I mean, we, we may be inadvertently
contributed to do since next special.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah.
Fox Nation sponsored by Chop Stop.
I can only say this industry, it's wild.
It's time for a segment.
This is Slopquiz New Year, New Edition,
or should we say, two year, two edition.
All right.
This is compiled by our associate producer, Amelia.
So I'll read you some questions about the New Year
and food, and then you can buzz in with your name,
and I will track who gets things correct.
I'm just looking my finger.
That's another do something.
Hey, lick my finger.
You're like, that's not what you said.
Yeah, that's not a thing to say.
It's a thing to say.
It's a thing to say.
Jamie Walt Wick-Doof since fingers.
So I'll do it anywhere near.
She said that's nasty.
Like barked it out and you put it through.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I translate it.
It's the only thing she's ever said. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
First question.
According to a survey from Forbes Health of 1,005 US adults conducted in November of 2022,
what percentage of Americans feel pressured to set a New Year's resolution?
I will, this is a multiple choice, so I'll read the options and then you can buzz it.
Okay.
A, 7%, B, 29%, C, 45%, or D, 63%.
I'm gonna, you can, either one of us can buzz in with our names.
Yeah, just say your name.
I think I have an answer.
Mitch is gonna go.
You wanna go?
Yeah, you gotta say your name.
Mitch.
Okay.
D, 63% or whatever.
Not 63, then you gotta guess.
Uh, what was, what was, what was,
7%, 29% or 45%?
Ooh, I'm, I'll go 45%.
It's B 29%.
Wow.
That's wrong.
Kind of an interesting front like,
That's wrong.
It's, it's wrong.
You feel way more,
I think you do feel a lot more pressured.
Yeah.
Half of the people I talked to,
even if they just pretend they never did it,
I think that's what it is.
You just pretend that you didn't.
Oh, so you think that people are actually
committing to their New Year's resolution,
but they're pretending that they didn't.
Yes.
I think it's that sort of thing of like.
People are showing the discipline,
but they just don't want to admit it.
Oh, yeah.
Actually, you know, I had a sober January worked out it. Oh, you're like, actually, you know,
I had a sober January,
I worked out every single day and people were like,
hey, how's that going for you?
Oh, I bailed after alexically.
Yeah.
What did it do?
Do you over, are you a New Year's resolution guy?
No, no.
No, because I would just,
I would give up in February,
even if I did commit to it.
Yeah.
So I'd rather, no, I, no.
You know, it's like going to church.
Like I'd rather pray straight to my savior inside my head.
Yeah, yeah, same.
I'm not telling you who my savior is.
But that'll be on my wiki page.
Yeah.
Has a certain savior.
They will, they will write too much stuff about it. Ah. Ah.
Um, hmm.
I think that people are just like, I mean, I do do this, but I'm like, I'm gonna like
do stuff right, but I don't have a specific one.
But doesn't everyone like, hey, it's the New Year, I'm gonna start over and-
I think it's very common.
I just, I think just the phrasing the question is, what percentage of Americans feel pressured
to set one? And I think that might have been, people just might have answered that the the phrasing the question is, what percentage of Americans feel pressured to set one?
And I think that might have been,
people just might have answered that the weird phrasing of it.
All right, next question.
Just a fucking cuckus industries, fucking poll.
I mean, it could be just like a bad poll, you know what I mean?
I don't have the source of the poll in front of me,
but I will look up on it.
Okay, look it up.
Next up, what are Oli Bolin,
I might be pronouncing that wrong, what are Oli Bolin? I might be pronouncing that wrong.
What are Oli Bolin, a traditional New Year's treat
in the Netherlands?
A, Fried Pastry Balls, B, Chocolate Truffles,
C, Dumplings, or D, Mini Pancakes?
Oli Bolin.
Oli Bolin.
Netherlands New Year's Treatment.
It's like D, Fried Balls is one of the answers.
A, Fried Pastry Balls, B, Chocolate Truffles,
C, Dumplings, D, Mini Pancakes. One is Balls, A is one of the answers. A fried pastry balls, B chocolate truffles, C dumplings, D mini pancakes.
One is balls, A is balls.
Yes. Okay.
Other ones are like bowls.
Tim.
I'm gonna go C.
Not dumplings.
Mitch remaining options are A fried pastry balls,
B chocolate truffles, D mini pancakes.
I like that many pancakes may be it,
but I'm gonna go A instead of fried balls.
Yeah, you're going to take it.
It is Ollie ball and our donut like fried pastries.
It's made by dropping a scoop of the dough mixed with currents or raisins into a deep
fryer and then sprinkled with powdered sugar.
I mean, we didn't know, we didn't know that.
We'd either of us knew that, I guess, is the question, is the answer.
Dutch is so I love Dutch.
I only know a handful of words, but when I was, I did a semester abroad, those were when
I was a little basketball team and for the man.
And they were, they were no other Americans there.
So I just hung out with all these international kids because the French people didn't want
to hang out with people, you know, who weren't as flown as them.
And were you in the Netherlands or?
No, I was in the South of France,
but there are all these Dutch kids there.
Oh, shit.
And I just found like that language is charming
and it's so funny.
Yeah.
It's like sarcastic German.
Hmm.
You know, they're all like,
Vietkohl men.
All seem like they're slightly detached,
like kind of judging you.
But in a fun way, they're not, you know,
there's some of the bad history.
Well, I'm sure they're, no, there's a really bad history.
I've always heard from, and I've never,
I've never, you know, crossed the notion,
but I have, we all have friends who have been it,
part of Boom Chicago, which is the comedy theater
that's in the Netherlands.
And I remember here, I think it was Jim Woods telling me
about like, like, because Dutch people are just very
forthright, they will just tell you exactly what they think and like talking to someone after the
like an audience member after the show and he's like, Oh, did you like the show?
They're like, No, I did not find it funny.
All right.
Next up, boom Chicago is I feel like when you go to boom Chicago people come back from
that like they went to war.
I'm like, I changed person. Something happened over there.
You improv like seven days a week or something,
just it changes you.
You do like 10 shows a week for tourists,
a lot of whom like English is a second language.
Just gotta be so like just taxing to try to pull off.
Yeah.
It's yeah.
You're just gonna get a,
though boys you're trying to get a residency
at Boom Shikaro.
I'm gonna.
All right, next up. What popular Mexican food is often Uh, it's, it's, yeah, it's just, you're trying to get a, with the boys you're trying to get a residency at Boom Shikah. Oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha it's not D. Okay. Oh, would be, would be pretty coincidental though.
What's D doing on this list?
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
I mean, there's no way Wager came up with that as like a funny answer or something, right?
No, he's pulling these from the internet.
Yeah, this is a real survey. So what can you say the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, real survey. Hmm. So what can you say the, the, the,
the, the,
the,
the,
the,
the, the,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the, the,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the,
the, the, the hard one. Yeah, this one's tough. We're gonna keep it going.
Next question.
Charles was too sweet.
I thought it was too sweet.
How'd we something more savory?
Anyway, let's keep going.
Yeah, you made an educated guess.
It was just an educated guess.
I know there's a lot of like that,
that would be a thing.
My parents lived in San Pedro for a little bit,
but we'd like to go to the tamale shop,
made it a bunch of tamales for Christmas.
It was like a big holiday thing.
I know a huge tamale.
Yeah.
And that's like the, it's wrapped in corn husk.
I know a huge tamale.
I've had some great.
I mean, I think I've had bad ones.
Yeah, that's the big thing.
I think a lot of them.
Also, this is one of those interesting things,
and I know I'm saying tamale,
but the singular of tamale in Spanish is tamal.
And then you pluralize it by adding the ES,
but that's not how we pluralize words in English,
so we crop off the S.
Maybe a rebracting thing that's going on there linguistically.
I don't know exactly what it is.
Although I actually did know that,
and Ducin's the guy who taught me that.
That's right.
I think you were getting that info from Ducin.
Now I don't know if it's true,
because like, Dukeson did tell me that.
Because, and this is, again, pretty smart phone,
so you can't, you'd love to retroactively,
like, get this guy kind of canceled or something,
but he used to, like, you know, it's unfortunate.
It's guy stuff, right?
But we're not running from it.
He used to put his penis on your shoulder
and he'd say, touch my tamal.
Yeah.
And it's unfortunate, but it's part of our history.
Right.
Right.
So like we got to be honest about that, that he used to do that.
You know how many times I was like, oh, I always touched first.
Why you touched first?
Right.
Well, he'd do it right like as we were trying to decide what we were going to, like how
we're going to order out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just like, well, what a nice gesture.
And then now it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's thick. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's nice a nice gesture in the now. It's just, it's just thick.
Yeah, that's not, I mean, that's nice.
We're talking about what we're gonna eat for food
and then you just put a tamal on my shoulder.
Like, of course, I'm gonna touch it.
It's only human.
But yeah, he did, he'd pull that all the time.
I guess that's where I got that information.
So who knows if it's true or not.
Next up, which generation feels the most pressure
to set a New Year's resolution?
Here are the generations.
A, baby boomers, B, generation X, C, millennials,
or D, Gen Z, the Zoomers.
What's the question?
Which generation feels the most pressure
to set a New Year's resolution?
Oh, I'll tell you which one.
Tim.
It's fuck.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Millennials. Not millennials. Oh, I'll tell you which one? 10. It's fuck. Hahaha.
Millennials.
Not millennials.
Oh, I'll tell you which one.
Gen X, and I'll tell you why.
The grind on MTV.
You know, all these shows that they watched were
they wanted the perfect body, like the grind on the TV.
Right.
Yeah.
And then they'd re-air the grind on VH1.
Watching shows like that all the time.
Yes, celebrity fit club.
Right.
That's also Jen Exers watch that too.
Yeah.
It's not Generation X.
It actually, God, that's crazy.
It actually is Generation Z.
Wow.
And that makes me think that I wonder if it's just a you thing.
Like young people are just like, ah, I gotta fix some shit
and then you get older, get more send your ways. I don't know. I don't get the it's just a you thing. Like young people are just like, ah, I gotta fix some shit and then you get older, get more sudden your ways.
I don't know.
I don't get the kind of going to point you.
You get your jet quickly.
Yeah.
Squish socks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did Amelia come up with it?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry, I mean,
yeah.
What you thought it was me?
Yeah, I thought it was you this time.
That's why you were comfortable saying it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I need this quiz. Okay. I also have a little bit of a cheat here. I don't know if you know this. That's why you were comfortable saying it. Yeah. I do this quiz also.
I also have a little bit of a cheat here.
I don't know if you know this, like,
oh shit, it didn't work.
What are you doing?
You can kind of pull Tim's microphone away from him
if I try hard enough.
Well, don't do that.
You try hard enough.
I'm just saying, it's really easy.
I'm just trying hard to do it.
I'm just saying, I'm saying I could,
you know, I could see, you can do it to me too.
Well, don't create too much problems for post production.
Okay, okay, okay.
So in the mics.
All right, all right.
I'm just saying for you.
Are you picking up the mic rattling?
Is that a thing?
Oh, yeah, I appreciate it.
Okay.
Don't rattle the mic.
I won't, I won't, I won't, this is the last time I'm gonna touch it.
Okay, next up, this Spanish tradition consists of eating what
with each of the 12 o'clock bell strikes at midnight to welcome the new year.
A, a pomegranate seed,
B, a grape, C, and olive, D, candy corn.
Wait, what?
The Spanish tradition consists of eating what
with each of the 12 o'clock bell strikes at midnight
to welcome the new year.
Tim, pomegranate seed?
It's not pomegranate seed.
And then it's all of...
Grape.
Grape, or...
Grape, Oliver Candy Corn.
And it's Spanish, you said?
Yes.
Talking Spain.
I'm gonna go with...
I'm gonna go with grapes.
Mitch, you are correct.
You have three points.
The tradition is called las dose Uvas de la Suerte,
meaning the 12 grapes of luck.
Each grape and clock bell strike
represents each of the coming 12 months.
How about that?
You know, I just thought Spain, I don't know.
I was like, you know.
I was gonna say olives.
I would've get my first two would've been wrong.
Right, because there's Spanish olives.
Yeah.
I would not have thought grapes.
I would've said Spanish grapes. It's not there, up there you know they're close to you know France or whatever
well I have every country has grapes don't yeah that's true Mitch you have you have three points right
yeah you have three points okay so there are three questions left so Tim you're still in it
I'm gonna get stopped there's two oh no no no no we don't have to do all of
all of it we have to we have to finish which type of fish is commonly eating commonly eaten at the stroke of midnight in Poland and Scandinavia
to bring prosperity in the new year?
So this is a fish that's eaten in Poland and Scandinavia as a New Year's tradition.
A. Smokeslam and B. Pickled Herring, C. Tuna, D. Sardines.
This is...
Dan.
Er Tim.
I was just like going, it's like, this's a podcast equivalent of going to the DMV.
So I think this is fun.
B, it is B.
Yeah, you're on the board.
All right.
Wait, what was the fish?
Pickled herring.
Pickled herring is the answer.
That's good.
All right, next question.
I don't know, everyone's getting kind of like,
why is that I'm eating right before?
Everyone's like shoving stuff in like, was the clock counts down to new years?
That was happening.
That was happening.
It's also like,
because America is such a gluttonous country,
it's interesting that we don't have any equivalent.
We were pretty good in this scenario.
We're not doing anything crazy.
All right, next up,
which do I ever tell my story about my friend
in my college roommate. I think I told
this on the podcast my college roommate
told me this story, but like he was
like from Salt Lake City, but he kind
of like fell in with like the SLC
punk crowd like because there's
like a very like counter culture
like like against the LDS there
that's like very much like you know
a little bit more like just a
rebellion to that that that Mormon traditionalism.
And so he said he was at a New Year's party once.
Oh, I love the story.
And this was in high school, he was at a New Year's party,
and it was approaching midnight,
and one of the punk kids says,
all right, it's time to fuck in the New Year.
And then an orgy broke out.
People just started, and he was just like sitting there watching,
like not involved at all,
because he's like kind of a shy kid.
And he said people were just like fucking,
like and trying to come like right at midnight.
It's like that's insane.
Wow.
That's what we've,
we've thrown doughboys new years apart
is just naked eye-mobiles.
Oh.
Oh no.
We have to come by midnight. Oh. Oh, no, we have to come by midnight.
Oh, away.
It'll be one 30 a.m.
There's both of us trying so hard. I can do it.
That is so truly insane.
I've never even been around behavior like that.
I know, yeah.
It feels like eyes wide shut level.
It really does.
I guess people fucking, you know,
and sometimes they're from the ground.
So you guys can say,
I'm a fucking.
All right, next up,
which New Year's resolution is most commonly cited
among Americans?
It's three to one, Mitch has the advantage.
I hear your options.
Most common New Year's resolution in America.
A, improved fitness, B, weight loss, C, improved diet. D, improved mental health.
Mitch.
Fuck.
No, I think you got it.
To go to the, the guess.
No, I, you I think you clearly got it.
I'm ahead too. I, you, you, you, I think, well, I wonder if you'll take my guess too.
Yeah, maybe you might, you might pick the wrong thing and then I'm...
Wags.
I, I heard Mitch first. Yeah, but I will let you defer.
No, go for it, go for it.
Weight loss.
Not weight loss.
Ooh, what are the choices again?
A, improve fitness, B, weight loss,
C, improved diet, D, improved mental health.
Okay, wait, sorry, I was looking at Mitch.
Improved fitness, improved diet, improved mental health.
I'm gonna go improve fitness. No, it's improved mental health. I'm gonna go improve fitness.
No, it's improved mental health.
Wow.
Interesting resolution.
Yeah, that's Gen Z because most generations are just like,
what is that?
45% that's the number one compared to improved fitness at 39%.
Oh, I was close.
Yeah, we're going back to Europe.
In Italy, which of the following dishes is the last one? This is the last one. 9% I was close. Yeah, we're going back to Europe in Italy.
Which of the following dishes is the last one?
This is the last one.
Also, this is one's worth three points.
Yeah, well, there is a bonus question, Mitch, which we can do.
Oh my God.
In Italy, which of the following pull out?
The fucking sleep.
That's what I'm saying.
Which of the following dishes?
It is this couch pull out.
It is couch is about to get me pregnant
I hope this couch pulls out
No the fucking couch I repeat
Oh I am not gonna believe this is a half couch coming out
There's also a scenario where the couch is fucking me instead of me fucking the couch. Oh no, that's what I was thinking. The couch is inside you.
In Italy, which of the following dishes is traditionally consumed on New Year's
even is said to bring good luck. So there's a good luck dish in Italy. A pickled eggplant,
B pasta and beans, C stuffed peppers D, pork sausage with lentils.
This is in Italy?
This is in Italy.
I think I know the answer.
Go for it.
Mitch, pasta and beans.
It's not pasta and beans.
Oh, is the fact where the choice is again?
Pickled eggplants, stuffed peppers, or pork sausage with lentils.
Tim.
B.
That was also pasta and beans as well. Oh, it was? Yeah. Oh, I thought that I thought also Boston beans as well.
Oh, it was?
Oh, I thought that I thought Boston beans was getting.
I skipped B.
I know it's like it's B with stuffed peppers is what you were saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not stuffed peppers.
It's pork sausage with lentils.
I noticed Kota Chini, Kohn, let it chini, something like that.
The lentils represent money and good fortune.
Do you want to do the tie breaker question?
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it.
This is a three pointer. A popular three pointer. Wait, what was the answer to it? Yeah, I mean, let's do it. Let's do it. Up to the three pointer.
Yes, this is a three pointer.
Wait, what was the answer to it?
It was it was it was pork sausage with lentils.
Here's the bonus question.
A popular New Year's dish in the American South known as
Hoppin' John is made with black eyed peas,
rice-colored greens and cornbread.
What do the three primary ingredients symbolize?
Those are peas, greens, and cornbread.
Jesus, that's not a multiple choice, huh?
No.
Peas, peas, greens, and cornbread, it's called hop and john.
Neither of you from the South, obviously.
So certainly it was something of a challenge.
I certainly didn't know this one.
And this is like essay format.
Yeah, this is just open ended.
You're just saying, what is just open ended. You're saying what
it pees equal blank greens equal blank cornbread equals blank. Cornbread equals hay greens
equals grass and beans equals bugs. I was pees not beans, but I'll did. I'm wrong. Yeah. Oh man. Okay.
Okay.
Cash is gonna fuck you extra hard.
I'm gonna go with, I'm gonna go with like money, health, prosperity.
You know what?
Not bad because it is green, green, or money.
Corn bread is gold and peas are coins.
They're all like sort of money prosperity related.
So I'll give you two points and call it a time.
Yeah. Wow.
All right. I like that.
Yeah. I like that.
Wow.
Hey, just like a restaurant,
I'll give you back. Let's open up the feedback.
And today we have an email from Sam.
Sam writes,
as a new wife of a Doe Boyz listener,
I have a wedding question for you.
At our wedding, and at many we've been to before, I have a wedding question for you at our wedding,
and at many we've been to before, there was a late night post dinner and cake snack. We opted for
the simpler and cheaper option of using a venue provided snack. It was carnival themed, and we were
able to grab soft pretzels, cotton candy, churros, and popcorn while dancing. However, we've seen it
done where people order pizza, McDonald's, and ice cream trucks. My question is, what is the best or most exciting
late night wedding food?
PS to be fair, I introduced my husband Josh to do boys years ago.
So technically, I might be your whiny listener
and he might be my hot wife.
Thanks, Sam.
I don't believe that.
Yeah, probably not true.
Tim.
Tim, but also, I was hoping that that letter
just turned out to be a thing, please, please rescue me.
I don't want to be in this relationship.
I'm asking you to help.
Okay.
Tim, you mentioned that you're married to,
to Lily past, oh boys, guests, Lily.
And with that, was pretty recent, right?
Yeah, that was, yeah, almost two years ago.
Wow, okay, what did you do for your wedding food?
Wedding food was, I think we catered,
there was a place called Fundamental, I think.
Was that a catering company?
I hope I'm getting that right.
Where was the wedding?
Highland Park.
Ooh, okay.
Okay, so here in LA.
Yeah, and nice.
I think it was, you know, there was like a fish,
you know, chicken vegetarian option.
The food was great.
Like, it's the, it's one of the few times
I've ever heard wedding guests talk about the food
a month after the wedding.
Wow, most people like, I can't remember what it was.
And then I think the dessert was kind of like dessert bar.
So it wasn't like cake, it was like a bunch
of different desserts.
And that was good.
And late night, late night, we ended up,
we ended up at a, oh man, that place on York.
Oh, so you went to a different location.
We did, yeah.
That's fun.
And that place has, you know, God, what am I thinking of?
It has a big, they turn their parking lot into a powerful, yes, Hermesio.
Yes, so we ended up at Hermesio and they have great,
they have like good little food, you know,
like a good little late night food menu.
Casey answers a lot of stuff for us,
we counted just in here like nodding and dumb.
And then he answers him or Emma, answer for us.
Yeah, that's a threat.
And I remember Dufson like behaved himself that night, which was great. He was like, he was really well behaved that night. He was. Yeah. Well, we put,
yeah, he had a ball gag in his mouth and one in his ass for the whole ceremony. And then
we took the one out of his ass. Yeah. And we gave him some like food supository type stuff. Yeah.
Yeah, you tracked him up a little bit too,
I believe.
Yeah, definitely.
And, yeah, I mean, we made them sign liability waivers
and stuff like that.
So if the suppository had gone wrong or something like that,
we were covered.
Yeah.
And it was fun.
It was cool to see a lot of my family and her family
meeting each other for the first time, watching Doofson,
get the suppository. It was right, it was right in, yeah,
it was in between our first dance
and our dance with our parents.
That we put the depository in.
And we kind of like, you know, we tackled them
and we did it right there on the dance floor and stuff.
And a lot of people from out of town
that were like, whoa, L.A.
This is L.A.
And a lot of people like,
can't afford, you know,
like, this is what I thought it would be.
Yeah.
And we're like, no, no, no, no, no.
This is a certain, this is a special time I got.
Yeah, this isn't, this is a political, this is not liberal stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is like putting this asshole in his place.
Right.
Yeah.
And like, and having a good story like the share I'm podcast.
Right, right.
Doosons family also, doosons family was there too.
They also, he, like, it becomes a wedding, he brings this whole family.
Yeah, they crash the wedding.
That's like, my plus one is my family.
That's what he told us, he was gonna do.
Like, he can't do that, but he just did it, he won, did it.
Yeah.
Who wants to turn down like Ducin's mom is just like,
she's sweet.
She's sweet, she's really sweet.
Sweet lady.
Yeah, they're so sweet.
Yeah, she's really sweet.
Well, Mike, you, you sweet. Yeah, she's really sweet. Well, Mike you
You slept with her right
When you were single oh boy look
You broke up there his like doofson's parents doofson's gonna
I broke up their marriage. I can't even get into this but his mom is really sweet his
Mery what like 71 years they were into this, but his mom is really sweet. His, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his,
his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his, his 60s. So, it's pretty old.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, she's really sweet lady.
She's sweet heart, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course, like, I don't like to bring it up too much
around doofs and it's a very stiffler's mom
sort of a situation.
For you, it was demisexual.
You were like, I feel so much for her.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Honorable.
And it was heartbreaking.
And I'll never forgive Doofson for this,
for what he did to you.
That clip that went viral of her great-grandchild
like approaching you and being like,
why did you break up my great-grandparents' marriage?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was complicated.
Like, made me regret it a little bit.
It was when the great-grandchild came up to me and said that.
But, you know, you got your shot.
You put him in his place by pulling out that chart
that showed the intensity of the orgasm that you had with her.
That I think, then the kid was speechless.
They didn't know he was looking at.
He did, he was a part of a time where I'm to learn.
Yeah, he was, what, what 11 12. Yeah, it's
about to happen. It's about to happen for him. I said that. I said this is about to happen for
you. Um, but you know, I still talked to her. So it's, it's, it's, look, we love the guy. We love
it. Yeah. We love doofson. Uh, so, and I'm glad that we, I'm glad, like sometimes people
will be like, why do they talk about doofson so much? I'm glad we talked about them. I'm glad that we, I'm glad, like sometimes people will be like, why are they talking about doofs and so much?
I'm glad we talked about them.
I'm glad we talked about this.
This was cathartic to get some of this out here.
And to get it out so that when you're talking about him, it's kind of all business.
You might have the shortest episode ever where you're like, all right, here's what we ate, what are your forks?
Okay, maybe a quiz, then just totally locked in.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. My, Mitch, do you have any, I'm trying to think of any memorable
late night bites?
Because part of the thing is like, for me, for weddings,
I'm usually out there early.
I'm just like, I can't, I'm not sticking around the whole night.
Yeah, I seem to remember you leaving some weddings early.
But I do know my brother, he, when he got married,
he could just got married in his backyard.
And then afterwards, he was like, like everyone went to in an out burger, he could just got married in his backyard. And then afterwards,
he was like, like everyone went to in an out burger. And that was like a cool like thing.
Here's a here's a wagon wedding. I remember. Yeah. You came out to one wedding. Yeah.
You missed the ceremony. That's right. You got there out of the ceremony. And then you left early.
I think you can get away with just showing up to the reception. And people will know you,
people won't know you weren't at the ceremony.
I don't know if they I don't know if they know that you weren't at the ceremony. Yeah. Yeah.
We also walked to watch a Celtic's game at that during that. That's right. Yeah. It was a great wedding.
It was a lot of fun. It was a good time. It was wedding. Was that? It was Mrs. Dufson,
the guy that she married after Mr. Dufson. Oh, right. Yeah. Well, you kind of broke up their their marriage
and then she married someone out. Yeah. Yeah. Which was a whole weird thing.
Well, it's a rebound because the guy's like, he's a mess.
He doesn't compare to like, he doesn't fit into the family.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Well, he was like, he was the physical inspiration for the clumps.
He was.
He was like, that was like, he's like, he's like, guy,
and he's just kind of been hanging around Hollywood since then, you know,
trying to get other stuff started, but like, they got, I guess,
Ducin was friends with him and then, like,
introduced his mom to him.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's, yeah, real match made in hell.
Yeah, really.
It sucks.
And the guy is like, you know, he's,
he's one of those guys that's sad but talk sex all the time
Yeah, that's a bad combo and then you know
It's when he what he's the stuff he's telling you is about Dufson's mom and it like she's a sweet lady
She's so sweet. You don't want to be here in that she's so sweet. I know just let her live with her like what like 26 great great
Grandsays Like just let her just with her like, what, like 26 great, great grandfathers. Like, just let her, just leave her alone, you know?
I mean, let her have an occasional dalliance with someone who absolutely rocks her world.
What otherwise, like, let her live her last chapter in peace.
Yeah, I agree.
And, you know, Mike, like, absolutely shut the door on her second to last chapter with a bang. Yeah, I agreed. And, you know, Mike like absolutely shut the door on her second
to last chapter with a bang. Yeah.
Literally based on the chart literally.
She's sweet. She's sweet. She's so sweet.
By the way, was the inspiration for these the clumps, the the doe boys these, the Clumps, the Do-Boys pictures. The Do-Boys logos. The Do-Boys logos.
Yeah.
Very clump-esque.
I think we fit into the table
when they were chanting Hercules.
I think we'd have, I think we would sit right in there.
Oh, you didn't get cut out of that movie.
That's it.
That's it.
There's an extended cut of the Clumps
with me and Wigher in the,
not speaking, just chowing down.
I'm like,
this family's really quite,
it's probably just just confused.
They're like, who are those guys?
Yeah.
And so that we didn't make a final cut.
They were like, it makes sense that they're like,
we get why they'd be there, but who are they?
Yeah, we never really know.
And then there are the doughboys.
And like, we don't get what this is.
We've had this podcast for like 20 some odd years.
People didn't realize that.
Been around for a while.
To get the Doe Boys double or weekly bonus episode,
you can join the Golden or Platinum Play Club
at patreon.com slash Doe Boys, our producers, Emma,
our drinker, our associate producer,
Emilio Moreno, our engineer is Casey Donahue
and our video editor is Mike Dorrell.
This is this fucking MPR type.
So it's in there, it's not watching
the people here on the show.
You don't like it.
No, they're not from the camera, baby.
You know who isn't from the camera, our guest Tim bolts.
Tim, thank you so much for being here.
What if you please come back?
Yeah, so fun.
Absolutely, we'd love to.
I hope you eat something that we actually like.
Yes.
What would you?
You could have gone to, you could have chow,
like you could have said bourbon steak house
and we could have gone there, you know.
Oh my God, that's on the table.
I didn't know anything is on the table.
Let's have a good meal together.
I love that idea. That'd be table. Anything is on the table. Let's have a good meal together.
I love that idea.
That'd be great.
Duce and not invited.
We sent him a Google calendar invite for the next day.
Yeah, I like that idea.
And then just like, you fucked it up.
I think that's a good idea.
Yeah, yeah.
Tim, do you have anything to plug?
All right, so I'll plug the Hey Randy podcast on the CBB World Patreon.
That's with great people, Dan Lippert, Mary Stone,
Lily Sullivan, Brett Morris, Dan Drew,
and a great cast of recurring guests and stuff.
And that's fun.
That's one of the most fun things I've ever done.
I've ever been a part of.
I love those people.
So listen to that.
You can watch Shrink on Peacock.
You stream the only season that we got to make,
which Amelia worked in- That's right. Wow. on peacock, you stream the only season that we got to make,
which Amelia worked in person. That's right.
Wow.
Yeah, she was a great.
Crucial part of that team.
And then you can stream all three seasons
of righteous gemstones on HBO or Max or whatever.
Whatever it's called in next year.
This year.
Yeah.
Those are great shows and great guests.
Thank you so much for today.
Hey, Mike Wise, great host.
Oh, come on, Bob.
Hey, it's got cheers for the host.
Hip-Hip.
Hooray!
Hip-Hip Hooray!
Hip-Hip Hooray!
That'll do for this episode of Tobboys.
So next time for the Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell,
I'm Nick Weiger, happy.
See, that's my least favorite thing I've ever had to do.
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the intro or in the episode description.