Doughboys - KFC 3: Saucy Nuggets with John Early & Claudia O'Doherty
Episode Date: May 2, 2024John Early (@bejohnce, Stress Positions) and Claudia O'Doherty (@dingdongitsclaudiaodoherty, Killing It) join the 'boys to talk Sydney, birdpluck.com, and childhood crushes before a review of... KFC. Plus, another edition of Snack or Wack.Watch this episode at youtube.com/doughboysmediaGet ad-free episodes at patreon.com/doughboysGet Doughboys merch at kinshipgoods.com/doughboysAdvertise on Doughboys via Gumball.fmSources for this week's intro:https://www.cbsnews.com/news/richard-delisi-prison-reform-cannabis-sentence/https://www.lastprisonerproject.org/americas-longest-serving-nonviolent-cannabis-prisoner-richard-delisi-to-be-released-after-31-years-behind-barshttps://www.marijuanamoment.net/correcting-the-record-on-marijuana-prisoners-left-behind-by-bidens-pardons-op-ed/https://www.restaurantbusinessonline.com/marketing/kfc-saucy-nuggets-dispensary-treats-fans-higher-flavor-experiencehttps://global.kfc.com/our-heritage/https://www.thedailymeal.com/1132748/the-time-colonel-sanders-shot-another-person/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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In December 2020, Richard DeLisi was granted release from prison after serving 31 years of a 90-year prison sentence. His crime? Smuggling marijuana. Convicted at the apex of war on drugs
hysteria, DeLisi's three-plus decades of incarceration
was one of many examples of human beings immiserated for growing, distributing, or even carrying
cannabis.
All of which is to emphasize the strangeness he must have felt stepping into a world of
casual acceptance of pot, an America in which the marijuana holiday of 420 has become thoroughly
sanitized and corporatized.
And so this year, on 420-2024,
the world's second largest chain restaurant launched a dispensary pop-up in Venice,
California to promote its sauce-coated chicken nuggets. Bounded in the Bluegrass State in 1930
by a stolen Valor Colonel who perhaps should have been incarcerated for literally shooting a man
with a gun, it's true, the company launched its first franchise
in Salt Lake City in 1952,
and has since grown to have a presence on every continent.
In recent years stateside,
the nearly century old Bird brand
has leaned into cheekier, winkier marketing,
usually incorporating the long dead Colonel himself.
The saucy nuggets dispensary
represents its edgiest attempt to date,
a pseudo riskyrisky embrace
of weed culture conducted while thousands still linger in federal prison for marijuana-related
offenses despite the Biden administration's much-touted claims of clemency.
In fact, the restaurant's home state of Kentucky, the K of its acronym, still has yet to decriminalize
the drug, though pending legislation will allow it for medical use in 2025.
In that sense, the world DeLisi rejoined hasn't changed at all. An economic hierarchy where the
law shackles the poor for using a drug, while corporations are free to suck the joy out of
counterculture to market fast food less healthy than the drug itself. This week on Doughboys, we return to KFC once again for the new Saucy Nuggets.
Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants.
I'm Jon Early.
And I'm Claudia O'Dorey.
How are all my doe heads out there today?
Today we've got some crazy guests.
You know, before we get to our guests, I do have to introduce my co-host, our co-host.
That's right. Claudiaio, Dorney.
Yeah.
Where is I?
John.
Sorry.
Wives, we got the wild bunch in here today.
Wild bunch are in today.
It's going to be a kooky app.
It's going to be one of those apps.
But it's going to be a hoot.
My co-host, slightly less green Shrek, the Spoon Man,
Mike Mitchell.
Come on. That's Mike Mitchell. Come on.
That's just me.
Come on.
Who came up with that?
I'm not sure the format these emails are supposed to be
is not me, are supposed to be in.
Should the roast be the subject or the body or both?
Either way, keep up the good work.
Sorry y'all are slowly killing yourselves
for our enjoyment, but we really do enjoy it.
Thanks y'all, cheers.
Blake H. from Redwood City, California.
Blake H. eat shit, first of all.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Second of all, you see that silence at play, too?
Because it was mean.
A little too mean.
Yeah.
And I was confused.
Thank you.
Well, I think the rhythm was perhaps a little thrown off.
So I think that was a good thing.
Oh, you're defending the joke?
No, I'm just saying, I think probably it
came in kind of a different place
than it would normally come in.
Because John and I started yelling at the beginning.
I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I loved for the record. It's kind of fun. I really enjoyed it came in kind of a different place than it would normally come. Because John and I started yelling at the beginning. I think so, which I loved for the record.
It's kind of fun, something different.
It was fun, yeah, mixed it up.
No, yeah.
You also pick these, correct?
Amelia sends three options.
Do you want me to give you the other options?
You can see if I picked correctly.
Let's hear the other two options.
So this is the audience roast.
Yes, roast at birdfuck.com.
There's a roast spoon man.
And here are the other two options.
Roast option two, Ariana Nachos Bel Grande.
Like it better.
What is Ariana Grande
and then the Nachos Bel go in there?
I thought it was just a little confusing.
It was kind of a mouthful.
I think that it makes more, it makes more sense.
What's your actual name?
Is it Grande?
Yeah.
Yes.
Mitch.
Ariana Nachos Belgrande.
That was from Alex at Lameraw.
Much better.
This one I thought was really mean and I didn't want to,
I'll say it if you want me to say it.
Let's hear it, come on.
Ozempic's final boss.
That's pretty funny.
You like that one.
I don't get it, actually.
What do they mean by final boss?
I'm like the final challenger.
They're like the last.
So is final boss a phrase used commonly in the world?
It's a video game thing, yeah.
I see, and that's why I get stout on it.
It's been coming back a little bit because the Rock, right,
is that why it's now been in the lexicon a little bit more wise?
The Rock is the final boss at WrestleMania?
I guess, but I think it's also just generally been
in like nerd culture lexicon for decades.
Sure, yeah, yeah.
The Rock Obama. I am Obama.
The rock. Is that a name for you?
That there was literally a sketch.
They did the rock on what?
On the great website, funnier die dot com.
I believe was that right? Oh, no, wait, it was SNL. Oh, my God.
It was SNL because accent wise, we were saying everything different.
So that's where my brain went.
I think it was an SNL Dwayne Johnson hosted.
Yes.
A lot of fun.
He's strong.
And he's very tall.
He is a guy.
How tall is he?
I think he's 6'4".
Wow.
He's a big dude.
What's it like up there?
Yeah.
What would it be like up there?
It would be crazy.
You're seeing everything different,
the top of people's heads.
Well, you're a tall drink of water.
You're like 6'2 and a half, 6'3.
It's a little colder up there, I guess.
Yeah, the air is thinner.
The air is thinner.
You get dizzy.
You can see people in crowds easier.
That is true.
You also get looked at more of a monster in some ways,
I feel like.
Like, you know, like people are,
I told Y exist.
You ruin concerts for me.
That's true.
I like to sit during concerts a lot of the time.
On the ground?
Sometimes on the ground.
Yeah.
It depends on where I am.
I mean, like a chair, preferably.
Preferably?
Preferably.
Yeah.
My priest, I kind of have a priest.
I don't go to church a lot.
Does he have some?
He's like 80.
Does he look like the priest from the exorcist?
I think he's so dreamy.
Oh, he's so dreamy.
He's so cute.
Are you talking the young one or the old one?
The young one.
The young one, okay.
Oh, okay, because the old one, is it Vanna?
Max von Sydow?
Vanna White.
Claudia, it is not Vanna White.
We're trying to get the facts right here about extra shit.
Max Von Sydow.
Max Von Sydow.
It's not Vanna Anything.
My friend, when I was a kid-
It's not.
One of the first porno mags I ever saw was,
my friend had a Playboy magazine, like his dad's Playboy,
and it had a Vanna White pictorial.
Oh my
He had she was wearing like all sheer garments, but you could
See me the letters
No, they did not they did not have like the wheel of fortune. She turned around an eggplant emoji
That's funny. That is funny. Is that is that crunchy?
Is that grotchy? It's just anachronistic.
Exactly.
They didn't really have...
I take issue with that.
They didn't have emojis then.
Well, OK, maybe it was a picture of an eggplant then.
I don't know.
It could be...
You know what?
They didn't do pictures either.
I know.
It's a crazy idea.
I know it is now.
I know it is.
Before, I felt so confident.
Yeah.
You stripped that away from me.
The rock is...
Well, they stripped a lot away from Ben and White,
but they stripped it.
Yeah.
The Rock is six foot five,
and I always loved this photo which he posted
because this is The Rock next to NBA legends,
Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal.
Wow, Shaquille is so big.
And look, he's positively dwarfed by these two titans,
although he himself would be the biggest man in this room
by a landslide.
Wow.
Wow, imagine me in that photo. I wouldn't even be in a landslide. Wow. Imagine me in that photo.
I wouldn't even be in frame.
Yeah.
You might have been in that photo.
You could have been.
I know, I was there that day.
You think you'd be below frame?
Yeah, look at the frame.
Can I see the frame one more time?
I gotta re, hold on.
I closed the tab.
You feel like kinda white right now.
Because there's a screen.
Audience.
Because there's an open screen next to me, I'm like.
I know. It's hard not to look. It's the great scandal next to me. I'm like
The great scandal of our lifetime we have to get rid of we have to get rid of phones no more podcasts
Here's what I say no more film there there it is yeah, I would maybe like the top of my ponytail would be in that photo
What are we saying no No more filmed podcasts.
I know, it was annoying.
Back to the intimacy of the sound.
There's a rash on my face today.
I had to buy a concealer to cover it
because I'm coming on a podcast?
Isn't that wild?
Like, I think about that all the time.
It used to just be able to look like shit
and I had to like shower this morning.
I didn't have time.
And that was what gave podcasts
this beautiful, vulnerable, raw quality.
Right.
It was kind of voyeuristic.
Yeah.
And now we're just, look at us.
John's outfits cost $3,000.
That was in dollars.
I fucking paid for a stylist for this.
Oh my God.
You both look terrific.
You both look great.
Thank you.
Can you imagine if I did full HMU
and a stylist for this podcast?
Ha ha ha ha. We appreciate, I think it's about damn time, don't you think, Nick?
I'd love to get a hair and makeup artist.
No, I mean, okay. Emma, hit them with, will you hit them with a drop, please?
But for everyone.
Hit them with the drop.
I did a hotbox. Oh my, oh my God. Is it good? Yeah. Is it good? Yeah.
Is that Darcy? I. Is it good? Yeah.
Is that Darcy?
Did a hotbox.
365.
Oh, is that Darcy?
Is it good?
Yeah.
Is it good?
Yeah.
I did a hotbox.
Hotbox.
Hotbox.
Is it good?
Yeah.
Is it good?
Yeah.
I did a hotbox.
Oh God, yeah.
Is it good?
Yeah.
Is it good?
Yeah.
I did a hot box.
Okay, here we go.
We think that maybe that was Darcy.
That's what we-
That's my guess.
Darcy Carden.
That is my brother's name as well.
Oh, that's right.
Not Carden, but Darcy for sure.
That's right.
What's up, Spoon Man?
And the whole Doughboyz fam, question mark.
I made this drop after hearing Mitch say,
I did a hot box in the Emily Yoshida episode.
Shout out to fellow Iowans.
We got a voice twin.
We got a voice twin.
We got a voice twin.
We got a voice twin.
Shout out to fellow Iowan Emily.
Thanks for the laughs.
Thanks for all the laughs.
Aw.
Sifo, Sifo-deus, like the Star Wars character,
Jedi master Sifo-deus.
Did I say it wrong?
Yes. I'd have to read it. I'd have to look at it. PS, phase three of Star Wars, Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas. Did I say it wrong? Sifo-Dyas?
I'd have to read it.
I'd have to look at it.
PS phase three of Star Wars,
the High Republic is upon us.
Sifo-Dyas.
We went on the Star Wars ride.
We did.
I would say it was.
Stupid.
Lackluster.
Which Star Wars ride?
Which one?
The one that's inside.
Yeah.
Totally inside.
Did you pilot or no?
I was shooting, I was like, uh...
I think I know what that is.
You're doing the Millennium Falcon one, you're not talking about the one where you walk around, right?
This is your first experience with it?
Yeah.
I have said I think Disney Star Wars is bad.
The park and all of it.
But the park is not very... and that ride is bad.
You don't like the world of Batuu?
Batuu is fucking boring.
Wow. What is Batuu?
It's the canonical world for the Star Wars land.
It, like, takes place.
That's a world you're in.
I'll actually explain it to you multiple times.
They got really too present.
Look, let me introduce our guest formally
from Killing It, Claudio D'Ordio,
in the new movie Stress Positions.
John Early. Hi, John.
Hi, Claudio.
Hi, Claudio.
Hello.
Thanks so much for being here.
Thanks for having us.
Thanks for having us.
We love to be guests on, I wanna say, doughboys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they got too precious about the Star Wars universe
and they wanted to make sense.
So it takes place in a specific timeline
on a specific fictional planet that they invented.
Instead of, Mitch, like what we've talked about,
there should be like a Cloud City biome,
there should be like a Tatooine biome,
they should just cram all, there should be Endor, they should
just throw it all in there.
Hey, you want to see fucking Yoda?
Everybody knows fucking Yoda.
You can't fucking see fucking Yoda.
Too bad he's not the timeline.
He's a force ghost right now.
I really regret bringing up Star Wars.
I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry.
But it wasn't my fault.
Someone had an A special name.
It's true.
Oh yes.
But, and you didn't like that ride.
The ride was just very lackluster
because the screen, you're like flying and shooting
and you're meant to be like, whoa, I'm flying.
But in fact, you're just like, it's a screen.
I want to feel more terrified.
I was more scared.
There's another one, right?
That's Space Mountain.
That's not Star Wars.
That's not Star Wars.
I've got something.
What's that?
I think Disney United should be called Mountain Land. That's not Star Wars, but. I've got something. What's that?
I think Disney United should be called Mountain Land.
All the rides are mountain things.
Splash Mountain, Space Mountain.
That's three mountains.
Wow.
Well, Magic Mountain is a separate Six Flags park,
but I think the point is taken.
No, it isn't.
It's not.
No, it is not.
Okay, all right.
Wikes.
It's not.
That's been corrected.
Don't you fucking do that to me.
I'll do it at you.
I'll do it back at you.
Ugh.
Ha ha ha.
How rude of you.
Jimmy is baffled by the new arrangement here.
We're in a different studio.
She doesn't trust why I do much.
She doesn't trust me.
She doesn't want to sit next to me.
It's a T-1000 sort of thing where the animals can.
Come on, come on, Jimmy.
Come up on the perch.
Come up here.
Come sit next to me.
Claudia, I have a specific thing for you,
which is that we've talked about Hungry Jacks
on each of your podcast appearances,
both solo and with John.
My parents took a vacation to Australia,
and my mom sent me this photo.
This would be great.
This would be great for the podcast.
If Jemmy sneaks between you.
If Jemmy gets up between Claudia and I.
I'm gonna be livid.
I know.
Jemmy, Jemmy, come on. Jemmy, look. She's gonna do it. Oh my gosh, she's gonna do I. I'm gonna be livid. I know. Jemmy, come on Jemmy.
Jemmy, come on.
Jemmy, look.
She's gonna do it.
Oh my gosh, she's gonna do it.
She's gonna cozy up there.
She's doing it.
Good girl, good girl.
Oh my god, this is so good.
This is adorable.
You're such a good girl.
John, sorry you sat on the couch with the dud.
We're gonna have to, we have a long time.
I cannot believe she's that sad.
That is so cute. Too bad you sat on the couch with the dog, dud. a long time. I cannot believe she's that son of a bitch. That is so cute.
Too bad he sat on the couch with the dog, Nick Weiger.
How dare you?
You know, because she wants the body heat on both sides,
so I think we'll make this more inviting for her.
You should stop sitting so close to each other.
It's just hard not to.
I'm kind of snugged in here because of the microphone arm.
It's sort of swooping around.
Because of the microphone arm.
He could adjust that.
It is very uncomfortable.
It's fully adjustable in every direction.
And what, I'm going to be over here,
leaning like this?
Well, why are you moving your ass over?
No, I got to be looking in your direction.
You're making our guests uncomfortable.
No, I love it.
OK, so my parents took a vacation to Australia.
Where did they go? My mom texted me, I don't know,
but they texted me this.
All right, Nick.
No.
Because this is the full details I have.
Whopper on sale, BK Australia,
and they sent a picture of a hungry child.
Is that the only photo they took in Australia?
That looks like Sydney to me.
The only thing they sent me.
Me too, actually.
But I'm only, oh yeah,
because John recently came to Sydney to meet my family.
Since our last appearance, I went to Sydney to meet my family.
Since our last appearance, I went to Sydney.
Wow, what was that like?
Absolutely incredible.
Wow.
I stayed at an Airbnb about three houses down
from her family home, her parents' house.
And it was so much fun.
And we had, honestly, the best I've ever had, like in Sydney.
Sydney is a food town.
We didn't do any, I guess Clems is fast food.
Clems is fast food and I've talked about it
on the podcast before.
Clems, okay.
It's fried chicken.
So try to remember everything
that you said too. I do remember that.
That was great.
It's...
It's...
Clems is a Sydney based fast food,
but it's like, it's only one branch.
There's only one.
So it's one tree trunk.
Right, like an individual location.
But literally, it's the only thing that comes close to KFC.
Which we will incidentally be talking about today.
All right, that brings us to our next segment.
Oh, it's KFC!
Yeah!
Are we there on the timer yet? No, no, sorry, sorry.
No, it's okay.
Do you know who Sydney is their least favorite city?
Oh, nevermind.
Who?
Ghostface.
Hello, Sydney.
I got it now.
I have a really good impression of him, but,
of Ghostface, but
it's too rude, I don't think I could be like.
You can do it.
What do you mean too rude?
It's fairly perfect.
I got called less green Shack moments, Shack.
But everyone who did Ghostface, they go like,
hello, Sydney.
But actually, the more Ghostface thing is, he goes,
shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch.
You know what I mean?
It's okay.
I'm listening to you, you fucking little. You know, when he says, he was back here. Shut the fuck up, you know, it wasn't as good as I remembered.
She's in Twisted Metal.
Uh, Sydney's ghost face.
Oh man, that would be wild.
Is that her name?
Neve Campbell.
I never met her.
Wait, really?
Yeah, they wouldn't let me meet her.
That sucks.
Well, you're also in completely different arcs.
She was there, and they were just like, stay away from her.
Oh, she was physically there.
Oh my god.
No, no, no, no.
That would be crazy.
I was going to have, you know what's funny is,
there was a dinner where I was going to get to have dinner
with Sydney Prescott.
Wow.
But one, we had a show in Chicago.
That's right.
Two, I got COVID.
That's right.
Three, I was supposed to do a crypto ad with Gronk.
What?
Good, that fell through.
We all agree.
The happy accident.
We agree that it was probably a happy accident.
You would have been the one person
who got in trouble for advertising crypto.
Yes.
Like everyone else gets a pass.
Right, Larry David. And I had an issue with it anyways. You knew that for advertising crypto. Yes. Like everyone else gets a pass. Right.
Larry David.
And I had an issue with it anyways.
You knew that, the crypto of it.
Yeah.
Gronk coin.
And didn't, you can bleep this out, did he?
Did he have a crypto app?
Maybe I'm making that up, but I don't know.
We don't need to bleep out.
You guys mainly do whatever Diddy does, right? We don't do what Diddy, we don't do what Diddy know. We don't need to bleep out. You guys mainly do whatever Diddy does, right?
We don't do what Diddy, we don't do what Diddy does.
We don't do what Diddy did.
Don't do what Diddy did.
We don't do what Diddy did.
We don't do the Diddy.
Don't, no Diddy for us.
Did he do what Diddy did?
No.
Wait, that sounds like a support of Diddy,
what you just said.
No, I said, did he do what Diddy did?
What Diddy did?
It doesn't seem like it's you.
Did I do what Diddy did? Nick loves Diddy. Yes, and then I'm saying no. Nick loves Diddy, what you just said. No, I said, did he do what Diddy did? What Diddy did? It doesn't seem like it's you.
Did I do what Diddy did?
No.
Yes, and then I'm saying no.
Nick loves Diddy.
We can leave it on that one.
I did.
We ain't going nowhere.
We ain't going nowhere.
We can't be stopped now, because we do boys for life.
All right, that brings us to part two of the podcast. Let's get some of those fan calls in.
We've got Sasha on the line.
I'm sorry.
I can't say this anymore.
Meanwhile, Gemma and I's never been happier.
She's so content.
She's so snuggled in there.
Is she sleeping?
She's as sweet as can be.
She's just like, oh.
I love when dogs sleep and they get really hot. I
Yeah, you know that I famously I one time I was trying to show a group of people at a dinner how
kangaroos are hot
Fresh off of coming back from Sydney. I didn't see a kangaroo, but I was very Australia
Wallaby I did see a wallaby with Joey in its very Australia-pilled. Did you see a wallaby? I did see a wallaby with a joey in its pouch.
Oh, sorry, a joey's a baby wallaby.
I'm sorry.
So I was trying to tell a group of people
how kangaroos are kind of hot and buff and ripped.
They are hot.
Yeah, they're hot.
And then I was using my friend's phone
to show people, I was like, see, you know,
and I was swiping these pictures and I go,
oh, see, and it was because it was a picture from underneath,
like a chest.
And I was like, see, like, can you see?
And he goes, that's my dog.
Wow.
It was really uncomfortable.
So now John's dating the dog.
Yeah.
And let's just say, we're really happy.
Are you dog, are you a dog owner?
Either of you all have dogs?
No, I can't handle the responsibility.
What's the pet count?
Cause I know Mitch is a cat down.
Two here.
Zero, but I'm, you know, I'm foreign.
Sure.
And because of Depp's dogs,
because you know how Depp,
you know Depp's dogs.
Johnny Depp?
Yeah.
He brought them into Australia, right?
He took it.
So we have very strict quarantine rules
because it's an island nation,
but he just ignored them
because he thought he could do anything
because he's Pirate of the Caribbean.
Sure, yeah.
And then so he brought in his dogs on his private jet,
and then he blamed Amber Heard.
They were still together at the time.
It was when they were together.
Beautiful couple.
They are amazing.
Sunny Hill.
I hope they get back together.
Me too.
It's kind of a will they won't thing with them.
Yeah, yeah.
There are modern day Ross and Rachel.
Exactly.
They got back together.
It would be very funny.
Quite a story.
Quite a story.
You guys put us through hell to get us back.
But I'm sorry.
Today?
No, I'm saying Depp and Herd.
Oh.
He's talking on their behalf.
Oh, got you.
Yeah.
I thought you meant we put you through hell to come back.
No way.
This is a privilege and an honor.
And we got to eat my favorite food on Canada.
Yes, you did seem to very much want to eat KFC.
I feel like the decision was made before.
I kind of just told Nick they want KFC.
Yeah, and you said you didn't find it.
It doesn't really fit in the algorithm.
I mean, there was some algorithm talk.
Because it's always.
You're not going to say anything about the algorithm.
You talk about the algorithm all the fucking time.
I did use the term SEO, which is search engine optimization.
But it's like, but.
Search engine optimization.
Also, by the way, someone just texted you SEO.
Do you, would you know what the fuck that stands for?
Well, you've been working and making internet content
for a decade now.
You think I know what SEO means?
No, I don't, Mitch.
Oh my god.
That's why I planned on explaining it to you.
Wow.
You love explaining it to me.
Go on, continue to explain.
Amber and Johnny right here.
Despiring?
I did get, I've said the story of the podcast
a couple of times, but I was at a wedding
and the wedding photographer came up to me
and there was this old man looking at me and the wedding photographer was laughing and said, uh, he asked if you're Johnny Depp.
Wow.
That's insane.
What were you wearing?
Did you have like a pirate hat on?
I had like longer hair is the thing.
Wow.
Kind of Depp-y hair and then I also had like pink sunglasses so maybe I looked a little
bit.
You're drinking out of a bottle. You're drinking a bottle of rum as well, right?
Yeah.
Big dangly earrings.
Right, but also I think it was like there were some,
whatever, there were a couple celebrities there,
so he probably like, oh, it's another celebrity.
Who were the celebrities?
No one talks to a celebrity.
Andy Samberg was there, or buddy David Phillips was there.
Oh, right, I was there too. You didn't mention me.
And also, you were there, weren't you?
Nope.
Damn.
We weren't invited.
We weren't invited.
There was a pony there named Rodeo that I liked quite a bit.
That's right.
What the hell?
Mitch told the story.
Well, OK.
We talked about this on the podcast previously.
Mitch, do you want to recap or do you want me to tell it?
You can tell it, you tell it better.
So at the wedding, Mitch comes up to me
and it is at a lovely sort of rural sort of farmhouse
environment on the grounds of this farm, this family farm.
Mitch comes up to me and says,
parents of the bride yelled at me.
I instantly believe this
because that could totally happen to Mitch. And I was like, oh, what happened? And the bride yelled at me. I instantly believe this because that could totally happen.
And I was like, Oh, what happened?
And there's this little pony named rodeo.
Uh, and he says, they caught me sucking off rodeo.
They caught me sucking rodeo's dick.
Rodeo's got to be a girl because she's a pony.
Yeah.
Oh, our ponies girls.
I don't think they're necessarily just a mini horse, right? Or was it a pony girl because she's a pony. Yeah. Are ponies girls? I don't think they're necessarily girls.
I think it's just a mini horse, right?
Or was it a pony?
Might've been a pony.
I think ponies can be boys or girls.
Mini horse versus pony, what's the difference?
I think a pony is just a mini horse.
I think they're different species.
Oh.
I can look it up.
It had an eye missing, right?
Yeah, it was missing an eye.
Did its eye pop out when it came up?
That sucks. Did his eye pop out when it came up? Did it suck it up?
Yes, Claudia.
In the history of anyone getting sucked off,
if eyes ever popped out.
Well, if it's really good, that's what can happen.
And she would know.
Mini horses are smaller than ponies.
Wow.
By about half.
Imagine if there was one on this little table.
That would be so cute.
I think they'd cuddle up right here. Sorry. horses are smaller than ponies. Wow, okay. Imagine if there was one on this little table.
That would be so funny to you.
I think they'd cuddle up right here, sorry.
We're gonna get her over here.
I'm being a jerk today?
You started the show off calling me less green Shrek.
That's what was the spoon thing roast.
That's the thing that we do every episode.
Why am I being a joke?
That was the thing, that was the fan.
Thank you, thank you John.
Sorry, it's hard with the couch position. I know. Why am I being a joke? That was the fan. You're always giving me side done. Thank you, thank you, John.
Sorry, I just, it's hard with the couch position.
I know.
In Vites fact.
It's not, look, Wikes, I make peace with you.
It's not couch V couch here.
I love you.
I love you.
And I love you too.
I love you too, Mitch.
I love you as well.
Everyone got silent.
Not saying.
Not returning.
What, oh, okay, so I want to talk about KFC,
but I want to generally talk about fried chicken,
because I have come to infer that this
is a favorite food of yours.
Yes.
It certainly is.
Is it number one?
Because I think it is for me.
I think it's my favorite food.
Probably number one for me is spaghetti.
Wow.
Spaghetti, wow.
And that was why Jollibee was such an exciting time for us.
So perfectly pairing.
Because it's so good.
But the spaghetti is weird, though, remember. Yeah, us. So perfectly caring. Because it's so big. Yeah. The spaghetti is weird though, remember?
Yeah, it wasn't good, essentially it's in ketchup.
So that was not good.
But today is not about Jollibee.
Right.
KFC, it's just my brother and my sister,
they liked McDonald's.
I loved KFC.
So there was always a war whenever fast food was available
and they would always win because it was two to one.
Because fast food is always associated, you just think of burgers and fries.
And you don't think of actually, and to me that is like, I love burgers and fries.
I love them quite a bit actually.
But it's kind of like not food or something. You know what I mean? It just transcends food for me.
There's no bones.
And KFC always has a kind of exoticism to me
because it's, yes, it's a fast food chain,
but you're really getting real food.
You're getting a real meal.
The visceral animalistic nature of tooth on bone.
It feels less like made in a weird machine.
Oh, I guess you do, yeah.
That's how you know when to stop.
And veins.
Yeah, veins popping in your mouth.
Oh, god, that's horrifying.
Sorry.
Veins, I don't like the veins, personally.
I don't either, obviously.
I wish it was more veins.
That's a new thing they do now.
It's just a bundle thing they do now.
It's just a bundle of veins in batter.
Can I get mine vein style?
Thanks.
Wait, hold on a second.
Veins, what are you saying?
Vein. Oh, bone and chicken.
Just like.
Just like.
Picked on bone.
What?
What? Didn't KSC have he have, isn't he ate the bones?
He ate the bones was their campaign, yes.
What the hell?
Who did, what?
This was an ad campaign and it sucked,
but it was basically early 2000s maybe,
and it was basically when they introduced boneless.
And so the idea was people were eating boneless chicken
and being like, I ate the bones
because they didn't realize that there were no bones
in the KSC chicken.
The implication being the people are stupid?
I guess so.
There was like a dumb guy ad, right?
I think it was a dumb guy ad.
I bet we know who that guy was.
Probably, yeah.
I just hate this tender movement.
I don't want tenders.
I want bones.
I agree with you.
I agree, agree, agree.
So this is a big thing.
We both ordered tenders today.
We did get tendies and I got it as a control
versus the saucy nuggets.
Why are we calling them tendies?
That's him, that's not me.
Is that you? That's not KFC.
That's not KFC?
No, it's me, but we call it tenders if you like.
Nick.
Oh, Nick.
Yeah, I know.
I think it's fun.
Grow up.
No, I don't wanna.
He spilled a cup of wine the other night
while reading a manga.
That is true.
So he's grown up, he's like half and half.
A cup or a glass?
Glass.
I have the stemless wine glasses at home.
Yeah.
Does it have the finger grooves?
No, it doesn't.
Do they make those?
That's a great way to warm your wine up.
Really?
Yeah, that's the point of the stem is to not warm it up.
Yeah.
Obviously not.
Are you drinking red or white wine?
Red wine.
So I'm not drinking white wine out of a stemless glass.
So you could, yeah, exactly.
I'm not a fucking animal.
Yeah, good.
All right, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.
He's a spiller, he's a bit of a spiller.
I'm a spiller, this is the thing,
I'm just like, I knock shit over all the time,
I'm always spilling, I shattered a glass
in that studio yesterday.
This one, one of these?
One of these?
No, well it was the drinker stank glass, but it was a Doughboy's yesterday. This one, one of these? One of these? No, well, it was the Drank or Stank glass,
but it was a Doughboyz brand new glass.
It is broken completely.
I do just want to take a second to promote the podcast
Doughboyz.
Yeah.
It's an amazing podcast.
They've got really cool guests on.
It comes out weekly.
It's on right now.
Yeah, they eat fast food and review it.
It's very fun. And as everyone gets involved involved the audience gets to send in really mean little things to everyone.
Yeah.
And it's really cool.
It's like, so check it out. Yeah.
Anyway, sorry. Sorry about that annoying promo. I just we had to do it.
You know what? I love it.
I love it.
I'm all for it.
I wish more guests would do it. Here's a funny thing.
What?
Birds came from dinosaurs. I was more guess would do it. Here's a funny thing
Birds came from dinosaurs. Oh
My god, I honestly do think that's crazy
Settled scientific theory or is that like the Ian Malcolm hypothesis from Jurassic Park and some paleontologists think it, but not everyone agrees.
I think it's true, because they're like,
oh, turns out they all had feathers.
So this is the consensus opinion now.
Yeah. Interesting.
Wait, Emma?
I was gonna say the last time John and Claudia were on
was the origin of bird fuck.
You came and had the bird fuck dream.
Yes, yes.
Yes, wow.
That's crazy.
Did you guys keep talking about it?
I mean, I listen, of course, in the podcast. It's now our homepage.
It's now our official URL.
Oh, wow.
I think it got purchased during the podcast.
It did.
It did, yeah.
Wow.
Do you ever make a roast chicken
and it's still got the feathers in it,
so you have to like, it's got the quills.
Ew.
And you've gotta like pluck them out.
Yes, that has happened to me.
It has happened to me as well.
Especially if you buy really like, organic chicken. Yes, that has happened to me. That's happened to me as well. Especially if you buy really like organic chicken.
Yeah, and then you're plucking them
like a medieval wench.
Crazy, but we shouldn't, it should be fine,
but it grosses me out.
Yeah, it's too disgusting.
It's in that sort of, you know, many holes problem.
Oh, tricky tickety-to-mo.. Tiki-tiki-timo. Tiki-tiki-timo.
Tiki-tiki-timo.
It's very tricky, tricky.
And then you're like, ugh.
And you're like, ooh.
You're talking about the phobia of seeing a bunch
of tightly clustered holes.
I can't remember what it's called.
Something like that, triktonophobia or something.
Shout out to the medieval wenches
for doing all that work.
All that plucking?
All that bird plucking?
Yes. Thank you, bird plucking? Yes.
Thank you. Birdpluck.com.
Did you get that one?
I don't know what we'd use it for, but we could get it.
You can just redirect it to birdpluck.com.
I'll pay monthly.
You'll pay monthly?
Literally. Money's not an issue for me.
Emma, how much?
Birdpluck.com looks like nobody owns it, so we could get it.
Birdpluck.
Oh, sorry. Birdpluck, not cluck. Sorry.
We don't have good luck.
Also looks available. How much, how much would that cost us? I don't know.
Let's find out. Let's get it.
Let's waste. Is this coming out of the Patreon? I mean, everything does, I guess,
in a way. I mean, not everything. Birdclog.com would be one penny for the first year
for a three-year contract, $21.99 a year after that.
I think that's worth it.
Is the bit worth $22 a year?
For at least a year.
Yeah, $22 a Casey's salary a year.
Is it worth it?
Oh yeah, this is deducted from Casey's salary.
Casey, come on, Casey.
Come on, Casey.
Casey.
Casey. If you give the thumbs up. This is solid.
Alright, let's do it.
Yay!
Birdpluck.com, now the redirecting home to birdfuck.com.
So if you have a typo, you'll end up where you need to be, birdpluck.com.
Yeah, if you have a typo where you put P and L instead of F, you'll be safe.
That's a very common typo, you know, to do P and L instead of F. You never know safe. That's a very common typo, you know,
to do P and L instead of F.
Oh my god. You never know
what autocorrect is gonna do.
Can I tell you that my genius porn plan
when I was in middle school was?
Please. Please.
So I would, in order to look at,
and you can bleep this out, gay porn.
I would type in, I would start,
because all you have to do is a starting address
and then it can take you anywhere.
Exactly, sorry, to be clear, the family computer.
I would type in hotmail, m-a-l-e dot com.
And that was a real porn site.
And I would start there and then go on a you know whatever go right?
And then the plan was if my parents found that now
I would also clear the history whatever but if I forgot to do that there was some sort of mistake if my parents ever
Found that I would go oh my oh my god. I have a hotmail account ma il and I
And I end up on these crazy
I end up on these crazy sites where people are sucking and fucking, I don't know what was happening, I was cracking up. People's eyes are popping out.
But that was always my plan if I were to get caught, I was just trying to check my fucking email back off, mom.
It's really smart, you got plausible deniability. I like that.
Because often when you try to write IL, you write L-E.
L-E.
Right.
What can they say to that?
You're not gay, you're not gay.
I'm not gay.
You're not gay.
Also clever on the porno companies.
Who was like your girl crush?
Who was your like fake girl crush?
Well the thing is, I never really was faking
my girl crushes.
It was like, I was kind of like saying I had crushes on girls
in a kind of unconvincing way, but I didn't really know I was gay.
And then once I knew I was gay, I stopped doing that.
But the final few pre-realizing I was gay,
I think you know this, Ashley Judd.
I was like, she's so amazing in Simon Birch.
It was Ashley Judd, it was Juliette Binoche.
Wow.
She's aged like fine wine.
And then I think I was like Britney Spears,
but what I was actually thinking about
was Justin in my head.
Yeah.
Were you a Britney Spears crusher?
I don't know if I had a crush on Britney Spears.
No, I was not Britney.
You may be too old.
We're also too old. I think for me it was Trini the Yellow Power Ranger.
How about you?
I liked the pink Power Ranger.
That's not the girl.
She's the one from Felicity.
Yes.
Oh, wait, what?
Yeah, she's the friend and Felicity's
looking for her birth mom.
Yeah, she's looking for her birth mom.
And she finds her and the result's on as nice as she might.
Is her mom Jane Cosmerek?
I think she might be. And she like doesn't might be, and she doesn't want her back.
But then does she want something?
Maybe money.
Like to hang out a little bit?
She's like, no, no.
But maybe we'll hang out.
We can have coffee once.
Have you revisited that show?
Yeah.
It's worth watching in modern times
if you're not familiar with it?
Yeah. It is. It's incredible. Wow, okay. It's fabulous. Worth watching, like, in modern times, if you're not familiar with it? Yeah.
It is.
Wow.
It's fabulous.
I have to say, like, it's very, um,
you know, it has a kind of teen, like, cozy kind of weekly,
you know.
Sweaters.
Yeah.
But there's an extra layer of, like,
they treat their audience with respect.
Like, it is a, she is a complicated character.
It is a deep show.
It's incredible. And her performance is insane.
Carrie Russell is an incredible actress.
Do you know the pilot?
No, I don't at all.
The pilot is that she has a crush on Scott Speedman
at their high school, and they, like, never talked.
And then he's... And she's already set to go to Stanford because her parents want her to be a doctor.
She lives in Palo Alto or something.
That's like, yeah.
And then, and then he signs her yearbook,
even though they're like never spoken.
And he leaves this long thing.
It's like, I always like noticed you
and you seem so smart or, oh no.
You're fine, you just push it back on.
It's fine. And by the way, I want to say,
I'm bringing this background to fried chicken.
Please.
I have a plan.
I love it.
And then he's like, he signs a yearbook
and then she reads it and goes crazy.
And then she follows him to NYU.
NYU.
Wow.
That's-
Guess where John went to college.
NYU.
Wow.
Who's Felicity now, bitch?
Come here.
That was, yeah. Go space, go space. Who's Felicity now, bitch? That was my, that was, yeah. Ghostface, ghostface.
I'm Felicity, motherfucker.
But, but then, so the first episode is her showing up at NYU and then Scott Spieman's
like, hey, it's like, it's genius.
It's like actually kind of scary and like uncomfortable.
Anyway.
Did he write like kind of like any sort of tender message or was it just like that? He wrote anything
No, it is tender. It is tender in the way that hot boys are like know how to make you feel exactly
Cuz you know like really handsome men are like this is so nice for you talking to me
It's not that good I
see Scott Speedman constantly in LA.
Really?
Right in this area, not to dox his ass.
I've seen him once in this area as well.
And I was like, this is like a scene from Felicity.
I'm like looking at him and he's not looking at me.
Is he fast in real life?
Yeah, he was speeding around.
Speedman.
Imagine if that's your last name
and you get pulled over by the cops.
I'm just speeding, man.
Yeah.
You know what, I would be okay with it
because he gave that copper a nice laugh for the day.
He'd see it and he'd say, this is pretty funny.
This is pretty funny.
What are the odds that you would be speeding?
Who's your child crush?
My child crush?
I don't know.
I think we're meeting when you were a child,
to be clear.
It's funny because I did like,
as a kid I remember liking Suzanne Somers on Step by Step.
Oh, sure.
Oh, cute.
It's boring too, I think I liked,
like when I first saw Baywatch,
but I don't, like childhood crushes are like harder to,
Payne Anderson when I first saw Baywatch was like a big thing.
Carmen Electra just followed me on Instagram.
Wow. Wow, wow, saw Baywatch was like a thing. Carmen Electra just followed me on Instagram. Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
I was like, I keep checking to see if she's still following.
How can this be real?
Bugmane's old flame.
Bugmane dated Carmen Electra.
No.
In real life?
Yes.
Wow.
For how long?
I don't know if people know this.
Can we not disclose this?
I mean, it's great for bug.
Leave it in. Leave it in. Can we not disclose this? I mean, it's great for bug- Leave it in.
Leave it in.
You guys have pants on?
Yes.
Where else I heck them?
Leave it in.
Leave it in.
Look, things haven't gone the way I wanted them to today, wags.
This is, bitch, this is going great.
Our guests are being funny.
We got to step it up, you and me.
You guys are being funny.
No, you guys could be funny if you tried.
This is the thing, Mitch.
When you get to, you get to dynamos on the podcast,
you just gotta sit back and-
You gotta let them go.
Let them rip.
Yeah, we're beta boys.
We sit back and we let things happen.
Yeah.
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Hey Mitch, I feel like during the summer,
pretty much everything I'm doing outdoors
is making me thirsty.
Yeah, I'll tell you what the issue is.
That blasted sun.
Curse the sun.
Curse the sun.
Giver of life, but also.
Give her a piece.
Give her a dehydrator in chief, I'd call it.
Mm-hmm.
And you know what?
Summer requires extraordinary hydration
because of the sun.
You know what I like about the moon?
That's built for everyday dehydrating moments, yes.
The moon is cool.
The moon's real cool. When the moon is out. The moon's real cool.
When the moon is out, there's never a doubt.
The moon is cool.
And when the sun's up high, you can't deny,
it's gonna be hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Anyways, I think that we've expressed that the sun gets you hot in the summertime.
It sure does, and the moon keeps you cool.
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And you know what?
I love that I'm getting all those electrolytes
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Yeah.
I love the smell too, and it helps you out,
not just while traveling, but after a big night out.
You know what I mean.
Come on.
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I love Liquid IV. You know why?
Why?
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And the sun is hot, hot, hot.
Uh, okay, let's talk about KFC. Okay, let's get back to it.
You know what?
When we're all set and done, and when Doughboys is done, I'm going to write you a nice note, too.
Oh, that's so nice.
You're a smitch who's sweet.
When it's all said and done, when do you think you'll stop doing this podcast?
Great question.
We thought we were going to stop doing it five years ago, and the question is, or the actual answer is that it's just hard to turn that cash fountain off
once it becomes like a reliable source of income.
That's so sweet.
Exactly what our listeners want to hear.
We don't want to do this anymore.
We just keep doing it.
Yeah.
Because it has its own momentum because of the Patreon spigot
that goes directly into our checking accounts.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's tough. But I mean, this is the thing, Mitch.
It becomes like a baseline, you know,
of income in an industry where employment can be tenuous.
Oh yeah.
Claudia and I have talked about doing a podcast.
I've already told you that it would be a hit podcast.
You should absolutely do it.
You should do it here at HeadGum.
What's it called, Pasta Girls?
Yeah, Pasta Girls.
Oh!
That's really good.
Think about your podcast without us.
How good would it be?
Oh my God.
Well, we'll think about it.
Okay, but you could be guests like most weeks.
Yeah.
I'd love to come on the podcast.
I'd love to see you.
Actually, maybe not.
Yeah, we have to talk about it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, don't cut that bit of the podcast.
I will say, and Emma can speak to this as well, the biggest pain in the ass of any podcast
is booking guests and scheduling guests.
So if you have a format with pasta sisters,
is that what it was?
Sister.
Pasta sisters.
Sorry, pasta girls.
Pasta sisters is good though.
If you have a format with pasta sisters, pretty good.
That might be a restaurant.
If you have a format with pasta girls.
It is a restaurant, we can't call it.
Like if you set it up where most of your episodes
don't have guests, that becomes a lot easier. Well the guest is the pasta. The guest is the pasta. Yeah, yeah, like if you, if you set it up where most of your episodes don't have gas,
that becomes a lot easier.
Well, the guest is the pasta.
The guest is the pasta.
Yeah.
That's the whole thing.
We do a different noodle every week.
That's a great idea.
That's a great show.
That's a show that instantly has an audience.
Sounds pretty great.
But, uh, just avoid releasing on Thursdays if you catch my drift.
Wait, how are you on Thursdays?
New Doughboys come on on Thursdays, midnight.
Does that matter?
Do all podcasts come out on Thursdays?
No, there's different days.
You just kind of pick your day
and people expect it then at a certain time.
Yeah, and then they become ravenous for it.
That's the thing, yeah.
If you've got it.
Yes.
Right, sure.
You guys have it, but let me tell you,
not everybody does.
It's the juice.
She gives me a rundown of who has it
and who doesn't have it.
Wow.
Wow, I do like to talk about it.
It is brutal.
Wow.
But it's an incredible binary.
Yeah.
Who has the juice, swags, in this world?
Who has the juice?
Yeah, in the entertainment world.
Who's got the juice?
That's what we're looking for.
We're gonna say this right now?
No.
Oh my god, no.
We're going to say private.
Something very main to talk about privately in a main way.
That's between us and the NSA.
Exactly.
Two here's all.
Well, our guests certainly have the juice.
Thank you.
Yeah, we have it.
And we all had some KFC.
And KFC was last officially reviewed on the podcast
in 2022 with their new Beyond menu.
Do you remember that episode, Mitch?
Right.
They have now completely discontinued
their Beyond proteins, as has the entire Yum brand
quartet of restaurants.
Who is in the Yum brand?
It's KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and now The Habit.
That's the fourth film.
That's their burger concept.
What is The Habit? Yeah, what's The Habit. That's the fourth film. That's their burger concept. What is The Habit?
Yeah, what's The Habit?
It's nuns?
It's like a...
It's burgers.
It's a burger concept, yeah.
But made by nuns?
I mean, they could lean into the nuns.
I know.
Back in The Habit?
They could be huge.
Sixter Act 2.
Pasta Sister Act.
Sister Act 2.
Have y'all watched sister act recently?
Sister act two.
Why are you talking like that?
You okay?
What's going on?
I'm taking a lot of supplements.
I know.
I thought they were supposed to clear up your head.
They are supposed to.
I'm taking-
How do you trust these supplements?
I'm taking a nasal spray that has silver in it.
Emma's gonna check to make sure I don't turn blue.
I just, it can't possibly be good.
It's gonna be a whole, what was that documentary called?
Love has won.
It's gonna be, love is gonna win again.
I'm scared.
Look, I'm not gonna turn blue, Hope.
I don't think I'll turn blue.
Yeah.
You blend into the wall suddenly.
Can you do that?
Mike, can you make me blue?
I'll ask him.
All right. It would be cool if you could make me turn, slowly turn blue me blue? I'll ask him. All right.
It would be cool if you could make me turn slowly, turn blue.
Yeah, it would be a cool episode thing.
If you had a clip of that, I'd post it.
To stories?
To grid.
Actually, I'm kidding. I cannot make that promise.
You don't have to, in fact,
you don't even have to retweet that the Doughboys
or re-ex that you were on the Doughboys.
Because you're such a big hit podcast,
you don't even need it.
We don't need it anymore.
You know I love retweeting it
because the fans go fucking nuts.
They love y'all.
They really do.
They love guests.
Thank you.
That's really nice.
I feel so beautiful.
It feels so nice to be part of the family.
I feel beautiful to be part of it.
Can I just say that cardigan is doing amazing things
for your eyes.
Really?
Speaking of blue.
Because it's deepening the blue of your eyes.
Very nice cardigan.
This is new.
It's the Shaggy Dog cardigan.
And it's the classic brand, the,
forgetting. J-Press? I can't see. brand, the, I'm forgetting, J-Press?
I can't see.
J-Press, I think it's J-Press.
It's really hard to read from here.
Oh yeah, J-Press.
J-Press, it's like very Kennedy, it's very like JFK.
It's gorgeous, do they make women's at all?
It's got such a small frame, it's so hard to be made aware.
No, no, I think they do make women's.
They do? Can I film a fabric?
Oh, I love it. I mean, comfy?
Yeah, and it's not itchy, even though, I love it. I mean, comfy?
Yeah, and it's not itchy, even though it seems to me.
What the, is this a freaking episode of the Pasta Sisters?
What the fuck's going on here?
Oh my God, I'm sorry.
We're talking about KFC fried chicken, stay on top it.
Sorry, okay, so.
Okay, let's talk about KFC.
Beyond Menu's done.
Beyond Menu's done, they've got,
they've abandoned all their flat-face proteins.
And did they do the whole thing? Nuggets.
They did, yes.
Tendies, et cetera.
They had a whole bunch of that shit.
They don't have the ones with bones.
No, they never did a bone simulacrum
from some sort of plant these years.
Oh, I'd love a bone simulacrum.
And the bones, like the Fun Dipstick that sugar's saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We most recently, Mitch,
KFC was a presence on the podcast. the KFC Famous Bowl had middling success
the Yum Brands All-Star Game.
Famous Bowl?
Yes, that's the one that is, it's chicken on top
of mashed potatoes and corn with gravy all over it.
It's just like a big pile of KFC ingredients.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds pretty good.
It's okay.
That was part of this year's tournament of champions
for whom the Bell does much better as 2024
the tournament of champions night,
Doki, Aero, Taco Bell, Saucy Nuggets
were introduced on April 1st.
So Mitch-
Of this?
Of this year.
Of this month.
Of this year.
Hot topic.
It's April.
We're recording in April.
This episode will be out in early May.
So this is about as topical as we get.
And this is where the previously discussed SEO
comes into play.
So it's engine optimization.
So there are five sauces.
And Mitch and I also went to the KFC saucy nuggets
dispensary pop-up for 420.
We'll have an episode about that in the Doughboys double
in the near future.
But I wanna go back to why KFC in general,
because you wouldn't know about the saucy nuggets newspaper.
You weren't looking for that.
I don't care about that at all.
You just wanna talk about KFC generally.
I've begged you every time I've come on this podcast
for what, seven years?
I don't know.
I don't know when I started coming on.
It's been a while.
But it probably since-
Maybe longer.
We definitely did a pandemic episode.
Okay, so that's what, 2015?
We're nine years into the podcast.
That's wild.
Have I known you the whole time?
Yes, we shot Love in 2014, babe.
Your first Doughboy's appearance looks like it was 2016.
Oh, it took me two years to let me on the show.
Baja Fresh!
Baja Fresh!
Yes, it was Baja Fresh.
I did not like that.
It was also confusing because you kept saying, can we go to KPLC?
And I was like, what are you talking about?
You know how people put, they confuse F with PL?
Oh yes, yes, yes.
Yeah.
Wait, what are you talking about?
Comment type O of F, you put PL instead of F.
So she was like, keep KPLC.
Yeah.
It was a callback.
It was very good.
Callback.
I didn't get it.
But here's what, so I've asked you every time,
you're always like, we just did it for Munch Madness.
But like, it's always like this, I'm always missing out.
There's always some Cajiness.
This time we had to just be like, you have to let us do KFC.
I told Nick, I said, it's KFC or nothing.
Here we go.
We got KFC right in Australia.
Didn't we get it after the Paul McCartney concert? Or did we get Clems? I think we got KFC. We got KFC right in Australia. Didn't we get it after the Paul McCartney concert?
Or did we get Clems? I think we got KFC.
We got KFC and we got Clems a couple of days ago.
Wow! Post-Paul McCartney.
Post-Paul McCartney, we got KFC and we put...
He said at the end of the show, he said,
Go get some KFC on your way home.
I don't believe that he said that.
Like, whatever Paul says.
And then they had a hologram of John going,
Get KFC.
original recipe.
Yeah.
Blackbird more like a fried bird wise.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Wait, anyway, so we had KFC in Australia.
We had KFC literally at the airport at LAX on the way
to Australia.
Oh, yes, because it's one of the best parts
of flying from LA to Sydney,
which is my most common plane I go on,
is that I'm like, I'll get some KFC.
Because there's a KFC in the airport,
in the international terminal.
But something really awful has happened.
Also, John would have noticed,
there was mainly Australians in the queue,
because Australia loves KFC. We knew this the queue. Cause Australia loves KFC.
Yeah.
I knew we knew this.
We knew that Australia loves KFC.
We love KFC.
And so, and it was just Australians in the queue.
And then you could hear people being like, there's no bone in.
There's no bone in chicken.
It was like, there's no bone in chicken.
They had no bone in chicken.
Like on the menu or they were out?
On the menu.
Wow.
This is the airport KFC?
At the airport.
It might be a security risk.
It's a travesty.
I guess it's true.
You could like chew it and like sharpen it
and then take it onto the plane.
Yeah.
Or just throw a bone at someone could hurt.
Yeah, the pilot's head.
Yeah.
But it was, you know, I still got it, I still ate it.
The wedges, okay, in America, do you just have wedges?
We had wedges for a while, now we've got fries.
We've got fries.
Now there's magic special fries or something.
Wait, are the wedges gone?
I didn't see the wedges on the menu when I first got it.
I think the wedges are gone.
Oh, look right now, wedges might be.
Is that what used to be the KFC fry,
was like a potato wedge?
Yeah. I don't remember that at all. Which is not a good idea. I don't like them, I don't like, wedges might be. Is that what used to be the KFC fry, was like a potato wedge? Yeah.
I don't remember that at all.
Which is not a good idea.
I don't like them, I don't like the wedges.
It's too salty, it's too seasoned
to go with the simply stunning chicken.
It is stunning chicken, you're right.
It gets soft.
The thing about KFC is the original recipe,
bone in chicken is.
Too thick, it gets soft.
My favorite chicken on planet Earth.
You love the KFC chicken. I don't. Were you just trying to get Jemmy to your,
was that what that was?
You went, oh no, but I.
You're trying to get the dog to come over to you.
No, you're making like a horny joke is the thing.
Yeah.
Kind of like a lewd remark.
When you were saying it's too thick,
I was gonna say, you'll never hear me saying that.
But I just literally show me another fried chicken
on planet Earth that's as nice as KFC.
I could do that.
I don't think that's a heavy lift.
Do you think that's not possible?
Do you, like, what about some of the beautiful chicken
we've had here in Los Angeles?
You still think it's better.
The KFC in Australia is better.
I would expect it to be.
I mean, I'd say Clems is better,
but Clems is just like a nicer version.
Right.
Using probably like a slightly nicer chicken.
And like more complex batter.
Now, what did you teach me about the batter of KFC?
I don't remember.
Something about like 22 spices or something?
11 of spices.
Their blend.
Okay.
They used to mix it up on the concrete patio outside the offices.
What?
The original KFC?
Yeah.
Colonel Sanders, Secretary Claudia was the person who showed it.
Her name was Claudia.
Was the person who showed him the recipe.
Wow.
And, you know, obviously she should have been on all of the.
The buckets.
Signage, et cetera.
Yeah.
Claudia was trying to help me plan an Australian vacation and it kind of became a.
It's a disaster.
It became a war between Claudia and my mom a little bit.
What's the issue?
He keeps asking me the same question and I keep giving him the same answer.
I was like, what should we do in Australia?
My mom wants to go to Australia.
It's a bucket list place.
She wants to go to.
A bucket.
KFC bucket.
It's a KFC bucket list item.
She wants to go to Australia.
And then I asked Claudia and, and she was like, I don't know what your mom wants
from me, but she gave him a very nice five minute thing.
And I did give a good five minute.
And then I did forward onto my mom.
Yes.
Because, and unfortunately within the five minute voice memo, which was
specifically sent to Mitch, I did criticize his mother, but not in a truly
mean way, but I was just like,
you need to stop asking me the same question.
Because I do keep giving you the same answer.
I've given you a very helpful answer.
What's the question?
The question is, where should we go in Australia?
We don't know.
But I guess it's like saying,
what should you see in the United States?
It's a similar thing.
I've answered many times.
Yeah, you did, you did.
And then you just ask me again and again.
Take it up with my mom, all right?
I don't want to.
Oh!
Oh!
That's fucked up.
She loves you.
I mean, she might not want to go to Australia anymore.
She loves you.
Mrs. Mitchell's gay.
I love her very much.
She's a good hang.
Wags and her get along very well.
Really?
They get along famously. Yeah. Does her get along very well. Really?
Get along famously.
Did you think you were Johnny Depp?
Yeah, I wonder what the,
I mean, that's like such a big question.
I mean, what do you, can you give your general advice?
We saw the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.
Oh yeah, we saw Pirates of the Caribbean,
the ride, we went on it.
You saw it.
It was pretty good. I didn't realize, I mean, look, I haven't seen the Caribbean, the ride, we went on it. You saw it. It was pretty good.
I didn't realize, I mean, look, I haven't seen the movies, so I don't know what I'm
talking about, but like-
It came, it was long before the movies was the ride.
Yeah, I know the ride came first, but I liked, you know, it's very rich storytelling.
Yeah, it's good.
Lots of alcoholism amongst the people on this island, in the Caribbean.
And yeah.
They change it,
because there used to be like men chasing women
and they got woke.
It went broke.
It went broke.
But they also added Johnny Depp,
which inadvertently became its own sort of thing.
Oh God, yeah.
That's less woke.
Have they kept him there?
He's still there.
He's still there.
He's changing Amber Heard.
And is he animatronic?
He is, and it's actually a really impressive animatronic.
Wow.
I thought it was Nick.
It's great.
And like, wasn't really talking back to you,
which is normal for Nick.
He was acting very similarly.
Yeah, exactly.
There's an animatronic Johnny Depp,
like picking up a turd in a bed.
There's like,atronic Johnny Depp picking up a turd in a bed. There's like...
Look, we do need to talk chicken.
Yes, we do.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Yeah.
So, yeah, the point is we love fried chicken and we specifically have recently, I think,
you know, I've been on a very Claudia-led journey into the kind of glory of KFC.
Sure.
Because today I did the thing that I've always recommended. Yes.
I brought a lemon.
You brought a lemon.
Yes.
And we cut it up.
Where'd you get that lemon from?
My fridge.
Wow.
It was actually two thirds of a lemon.
So I was walking.
She literally walked in and the door was holding him.
I mean, I live a long way away.
I don't live anywhere near here.
When I was walking into the offices, I had an exposed lemon and I was like, is it going
to get like contaminated
by the air?
Right.
Yeah, yeah, but LA is small.
Because you know, they just said LA is the most toxic city in America.
I love that.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah.
Number one.
It's the most toxic?
Yeah, just air, et cetera.
Damn.
So cool.
So anyway, freezing lemon on KFC is really beautiful.
It's divine.
Would you not agree?
I didn't really like it. I made you all do it.
It really perked up.
You did, yeah.
It perked up.
It was nice.
I don't like lemon chicken in particular.
You have an aversion.
What do you mean when you say lemon chicken?
Mitch has a food poisoning issue.
I barfed a long time ago.
Well, explain what lemon chicken is.
Chicken cooked in lemon.
Lemon chicken.
Like a lemon pepper or like a.
What do you mean?
So it's like a piece of breast pounded out
and sauteed in a lemon butter sauce?
Yes.
Is that what you mean?
That's a completely different thing.
OK, I'm sorry.
But those flavors, those flavors together.
Maybe if Claudia left LA, it wouldn't be as toxic.
Lemon chicken. I just, guys were talking about the chicken. I thought you guys were talking about the chicken. I thought you guys were talking about the chicken. I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken.
I thought you guys were talking about the chicken. I thought you guys were talking about the chicken. I thought you guys were talking about the chicken. I thought you guys were know this is what drives me crazy. Are we talking about the temperature we cook at
or are we talking about spice?
Who the hell, who are you talking about?
It's a mean Nosrat.
The big guy, it's a well known cookbook.
Yeah.
There was a TV show of it as well on Netflix,
the entire platform we met on.
Oh my God, and you keep saying we are not looking at me
and I was on episode five of Love.
It's true.
That's how I met John.
You had a crossover with Birdie and Randy.
That's the issue.
Were you in that episode?
Episode five of love.
The party episode.
Season one.
Party episode.
No, I was in a fast food.
I meet you later on.
But I was in a-
In the episode?
No, I was in a fast food,
like, do you remember this?
It was like a, what is it called when they, like, do you remember this?
It was like a, what is it called when they,
like when you sample stuff, the, you know.
You go to multiple places.
No, no, no, no. Market research.
Oh, market research. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my character was market research person.
That's right, so we met there, I guess.
That's probably what happened.
What?
Look, I don't know.
I don't remember the story.
I don't remember either.
All I know is that it was one of TV's greatest love stories.
I know.
And look at-
Randy and Bertie.
You were a couple and you're reunited here on Doughboy.
It's true.
It's really like that.
Yeah, it's like-
Damn it!
It's true.
Oh.
Mitch just posted up with a high five
and was not reciprocated.
We're just in sync.
So the five saucy nuggets flavors are honey sriracha.
Disgusting revolting.
You liked one.
It was okay.
I overall agree with you.
There's three new ones.
One of them we can thank your great continent for,
sticky chicky.
Sticky chicky is supposedly Australian in origin.
There are three new sauces.
They are honey sriracha, Korean barbecue,
and sticky chicky, which is a sweet and sour sauce.
And then there are two returning flavors from the bench,
Nashville Hot and Georgia Gold.
Nashville Hot, Georgia Gold, both good.
There are other three disgusting.
But when you say returning flavors,
do you mean those were dipping sauces,
but now are being used in this?
Is it a seasonal item?
They had a seasonal sauce,
and it was not for saucy nuggets. It was for a different sort.
Saucy nuggets totally new.
Saucy nuggets is a completely new menu item.
Two of these sauces are being reused in this new context,
but they originally like you get like bone in bird
or tendies with Georgia gold or Nashville hot.
It's also, it's one that I look,
I know people are gonna really come for me when I say this,
but I don't, across all cuisines,
my favorite thing is never something that's made crispy
and then drenched in sauce that I do not have control over.
Yes, this is our big issue, Claude.
This is the core issue with the nuggets.
The whole thing about nuggets,
first off is that they are a finger food.
And these become like something that you need a fork for,
or you're just gonna be,
you yourself are gonna be a sticky, a sticky chicky.
Finger food, you got your finger up there
making your point right now.
I just let a lot of the people know.
It's covered in sauce.
Well, they do know because now it's filmed.
Well, they do know because now it's filmed.
Still the bulk of our audience is audio listeners.
So it's a good thing to bring up, Mitch.
You can see your cardigan.
Your cardigan looks great.
The cardigan looks really good.
And for the people who are just listening.
You love fools talking about the cardigan so much.
Okay, so when-
Wait, you like that reference.
The core issue with the nuggets.
The claws.
They're not a finger food anymore.
Now they're saucy and they're gonna cover your hands
with goop.
The other thing is, yes, the texture of them gets all soggy
because you want something crispy
that you can sauce before your bite.
Control your own sauce.
Exactly, you get the right amount of portion,
but now it just becomes this sloppy mess.
And the whole experience is like eating Panda Express
orange chicken, but with your hands.
Yes.
The bummer.
That's what I was gonna ask, is this like,
what is this referencing?
It felt like, is it referencing like Chinese food?
I don't know.
I don't think it's referencing anything specific.
Well, there's a Korean flavor.
I think they're sort of trying to get on the sort of
Korean fried chicken train.
Which is very big right now.
It is very big. On Instagram, I feel.
Sure, yeah.
Or maybe that's just my algorithm.
But that is actually,
is that, is that, is also,
but is that something that's,
was that one of the returning flavors or no?
Korean barbecue was a new flavor.
No, there's three new flavors.
Okay.
Honey sriracha, honey green barbecue,
and sticky, cheeky, sweet, and sour.
But the, but yeah, I mean,
and you will come across styles of fried chicken like that,
but I, Korean fried chicken is not saucy by default, right?
No, it's normally kind of like Nashville hot chicken.
It's like caked in like.
Extreme batter.
But does it have a,
it's not always got a liquid sauce on top of it.
I don't think always, but like.
Often.
Often.
Often it's been like, so it's like some of it's got some
sauce on it.
And so you've got a combination of soggy and crunchy.
Yes.
I'll say this, the Georgia Gold is the one that I,
when we went to this event together,
the Georgia Gold was my favorite, it remained my favorite.
Was the event like a bowl, a cotillion?
Yeah, were you invited?
We actually were invited, it was an influencer event.
By KFC. We got invited by the Colonel himself. Oh event? Yeah, were you invited? We actually were invited. It was an influencer event. By KFC.
We were invited by the Colonel himself.
Oh my God.
What did you wear?
We dressed as the Colonels.
We went as Colonels.
It was in Venice.
So I wore something kind of beachy.
But I don't remember specifically.
Cute.
You were in like an all blue, bright blue.
That's what it was.
I had a blue polo and I had a blue floral shirt.
Oh, a man wearing blue? Revolutionary.
The one color you all feel like you can wear.
Okay, you know what?
God's fired at all of us. We're all in blue.
I know. I know.
I think I'll go for the blue shirt.
I wear other colors.
Maybe not today, but I do wear other colors.
I'm gonna just throw this out there.
If you don't get in line today, you're banned.
If you don't get in line for the rest of the episode,
you're both banned.
No!
I've been such a good little boy.
You're both banned if we don't get this right.
No way.
Wise.
We should form a band.
That'd be fun.
That would be cool.
Do you play an instrument?
Called the chicken bangs.
Mitch has great pipes, Mitch has a very, as I-
I do.
That's beautiful.
John can really sing.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay.
It's whatever. I can really sing. Really? Yeah. Wow.
Okay.
It's whatever.
Oh, good.
I thought that I didn't like any of the saucy nuggets.
Like overall, I'm just like, even the flavors I liked,
I was like, there's no reason I would get this.
And as a control, I got a tendy
and just dipped it in some sauce.
And I was like, this is a much better experience.
And I don't even like the tender all that much.
I'm much rather have their bone in chicken.
I wish I had honestly just kind of picked some chicken
off the bone and dipped it in the sauce.
That would have been the very best version.
I have to say though, I'm such a little flavor hoe
that I kind of...
That's what the fans should be called.
Flavor hoes.
Um, which ones do we like?
The golden showers.
The Georgia gold and Nashville hot.
Georgia gold.
And then Nashville hot.
Those two, I, I like the flavor so much.
Okay, here's a problem that I actually have
with fried chicken sometimes.
Yeah, okay, let's say it.
And I think, I'm curious, Claudia,
for you to tell me the science of this
and how to correct for this. And I think I'm curious, Claudia, for you to tell me the science of this, how to correct for this.
And I imagine it's some sort of brining situation.
But like, I, you know, love the batter.
And then sometimes I feel sad when I get to,
especially like white meat in fried chicken.
There's just a kind of like watery, kind of nothing.
Bland.
Bland flavor once you get through the batter.
And like, that does make me sad sometimes.
And I wonder how you can account for that.
Well.
So tell me at Dodger Stadium.
Well, I think that is to do with like brining
or not brining, right?
The batter like, all the time.
KFC's not brining.
I don't think they'd be brining.
I mean, who knows what they're doing.
This crosstalk is crazy.
Okay, so you're having private conversations about something else you're doing
We're trying to talk about chicken thoughtfully
Extremely earnestly talk about chicken on your show about chicken
It sounds like you're gonna ban us
Yeah you're banned
You're banned from pasta girls?
Yeah
And guess where we're gonna do pasta girls?
Where's that?
Forever dog
Oh my god
What a betrayal We're like Naughty Dog girls forever dog
Double birds at the producers you guys AC and Emma this whole experience has been hell
Staff you're really gonna be banned. Yeah, you're banned. You're banned. I was being so good until then. I got really pissed off.
You said, I love the batter.
I said, sounds like me.
I don't understand.
Nick really liked it.
I liked it.
I thought it was good.
Whisper back and forth to each other.
Oh, that's funny.
That's very funny.
I didn't understand what you were saying.
By the way, showing off your cardigan now, you're showing off these nice shoes.
J.M. Weston's.
J.M. Weston, J.P. Press.
What's up here?
Whoa.
What's that?
Is it called J.P.? J. Press. J. Press, what's up here? Whoa. What's that? Is it called JP?
J, J Press.
J Press.
J's all over the place.
I gotta get some issues.
J Early.
J Early.
Wow.
Are you also, as far as, are you an,
well, today, I'm very late, man,
but your name is John Early.
Yeah.
So I was wondering what that is.
Is that like Scott Speedman?
Is that like an albatross for you?
Oh, yeah.
Well, he's clearly, I mean So I was wondering what that is. Is that like Scott Speedman, is that like an albatross for you?
Yes.
Well, he's clearly, I mean, I bet he's genuinely fast.
I think he even runs in Felicity.
Remember he runs around the track.
Oh, he's in the plate, yeah.
Yeah, that's really interesting.
I am often late, I think.
Did you ever get like,
cause there was a thing in my-
But he does get the worm, because early bird.
Because he's got it, he's got the juice.
Yeah.
He's got it, he's got it.
Oh yeah, he's got it, that's why he gets the worm.
And I come early.
Was that ever used against you,
that was ever weaponized, like you're really something
and they're like, they're like John Earl-y.
All the time. That would be really annoying and they're like, John, early.
All the time.
That would be really annoying.
Substitute teachers.
Not so early today.
It was always a substitute thing.
Yeah.
That's funny.
Because they have the worst personalities.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're like reading the role for the first time,
it's like everyone's made that joke.
No one's laughing.
Yeah.
Shit, she loses you for the rest of the day.
It would be funny if you were-
Why do you assume it's a woman?
They, or maybe, my dad was a teacher,
my mom was a teacher, 50-50 chance,
I thought that I was-
What did they teach?
My dad taught history, my mom taught English.
What's this hand doing over here?
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah! Ah! Making a move? No! On the podcast? Never! This is fucked up! I told you from day one of love, let's keep this professional.
You're being crazy. Just because I stretched my hand around Jemmy.
It was up there and you know that.
You know it. Check the footage. Check the footage.
Delete the footage. Please delete the footage. I didn't do it and we don't have to check the footage.
Right. You did kind of do one of these though. You kind of put your arm back.
I wasn't doing it. Now you're doing it to John.
No, I was demonstrating- I was demonstrating.
Nick, what the fuck?
I was demonstrating what you were doing.
You were way further, you were like way over here.
This is crazy.
I had a kid in middle- there was a kid in middle school, there was a substitute teacher,
and his last name was Christensen, the kid, and he was misbehaving.
His last name was the kid?
No, no, the kid's last name was Christensen.
The substitute teacher had the kid was misbehaving
and said to Christensen,
you're not being a very good Christian, are you today?
It was a scandal, because it's a public school.
You can't bring that up.
A gay, not church and state,
you have to keep them separate.
But they were just joking.
They were just joking,
but he was also like mad at the kid.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I tell you the first time I put my arm around a girl
in middle school, we were at, I think,
Dunstan checks in, the movie.
Of course.
Or maybe it was, is there Eddie?
Is that, was the other ape movie?
It was one of the ape movies.
What was that one?
Oh wait, the one, remember?
Oh, Ed, there was Ed, which was the
Matt LeBlanc pitcher.
Oh yeah.
Yes, I think we maybe were at Ed.
We were maybe at Ed.
We were maybe at Ed.
They really don't do that anymore.
Yeah.
The guy I was with was like, do you want gummy bears?
And then I like reached my hand around,
and then I just kept it up there.
And then I just remember like so much sweat just coming out
of my right arm.
Oh, pouring onto her shoulder.
Pouring onto her shoulder, basically.
Nightmare.
But that was my first time doing it.
It'll work? I've had my armor on. But that was my first time doing it. Did it work?
I've had my armor on.
You had sex in the theater?
No.
I was in seventh grade, I believe.
So, oh, what the fuck?
Dude, at that point, I was having crazy sex.
No, but you know what?
I enjoyed the film.
Where were we with the FC?
Mind blowing.
Oh, you're fine.
Well, I was actually, okay, so I was in the middle of saying that basically, like, because
as much as I really, really loved the addition of lemon, however, that was not provided by
KFC.
That's true. It was provided by me.
It was provided by CFC.
Yeah, and I worry if they try to put that into the menu,
it would become some kind of synthetic lemon
that they squirt onto the thing through a pump.
Right, right.
I was listening to CFC.
But it's just Claudia instead of fried chicken.
It's not like you, because your initials weren't actually.
Claudia fried chicken.
Oh no, CFC, that works. Claudia fried chicken. It works. Isn you, because your initials weren't actually... Claudia Fried Chicken. Oh, no, CFC, that works.
Claudia Fried Chicken.
It works.
Isn't that what's in Hairspray?
Yeah, it's the bad ass.
Yeah, so it's bad association.
Yeah, and now we're fine.
The ozone completely re...
They healed it.
They closed it back up.
But I just, like, I was excited.
I know texturally, I know your complaints are very valid,
and I wasn't like, I would never go back and get those.
Yeah, they were disgusting.
But like, I did like that flavor so much,
and because of the sauciest of it, the flavor was very thorough.
I was like, I like them, I think, more than anyone else here.
Yeah, I think that's true.
But the flavors that I didn't like, I really didn't like them.
Yeah.
Sticky chicky was disgusting.
And you say that this is not an Australian thing.
You say that this is-
I've never heard the phrase in my life.
Maybe it sounds like an American writing
an Australian line, possibly.
Here is the copy for what the flavor actually is.
A balanced combination of sweet and tangy flavors,
including pineapple, garlic, vinegar, and chili.
If you love the taste of sweet and sour,
you're going to love this.
The person at the influencer event told us,
the rep at the influencer event told us
that this was an Australian flavor,
or it was maybe popularized in Australia.
All that said, even the flavors I liked,
I would rather, instead of having to commit
to a full order of one flavor,
be able to ask, even if I'm paying extra for dipping cups,
get some different sauces,
have like two or three sauces that I like,
and then dip my order of standard nuggets
within those sauces.
It's just a better execution of this concept.
Yeah.
I got an idea, warm sauces.
You get a bowl of warm sauce.
That's fun.
I think it's fun.
I've got an idea, you shut the hell up.
You hear this sound?
That's the sound of a band hammer coming down on both of you. She said it, I didn't say it!
No, I didn't say that. I take it back.
But you know what my issue was? Squeezing that lemon on it. That lemon was too old. It tasted fucking old.
No it didn't.
It tasted fucking old. How many days? Yeah right, I'll ask you for it else. It tasted fucking old. No it didn't. It tasted fucking old. Yeah right. Ask everyone else.
Did it taste old?
Pfft.
No.
You're fucking banned.
It was a bit old, but what am I going to do? Throw out two thirds of a lemon after slicing
it off two days ago?
Yeah, you could have warned me that you had a fucking old lemon before you squeezed it
on my chicken.
Well, I'm gasping. that you had a fucking old lemon before you squeezed it on my chicken.
Gasping.
Oh yeah, I'm scared. Okay.
Well, food waste is really bad.
So it was good for me to use an old lemon then to get a new lemon.
I think.
The lemon made a tangible difference.
I liked the lemon.
I did not notice it being old.
It wasn't.
I was just trying to get her, Nick.
But here's my question with those nuggets we were having, is that the normal,
is a normal nugget a KFC these days?
Because I'm probably thinking of the KFC nuggets I've had in Australia,
which is never what I would choose because I would just go for the bone-in, of course.
Me too, yes.
But like, is that what they are? Or are these saucy nugs, whatever they're called,
absolutely disgusting.
They are, they are.
Are they in a new shape?
I believe they're the same form factor,
I believe they're the same size.
And KFC nuggets have famously been criticized
for being smaller than the average nug.
Like versus a Wendy's nugget or a McDonald's.
But you're getting more batter.
You're getting more batter.
It's not the whole point.
It's to like actually become more and more disconnected
from the real thing that you're eating.
Yeah.
I guess so.
Mm, I don't know.
Yeah.
I guess people who like chicken nuggets
like a kind of more McDonald's synthetic,
mechanically separated chicken.
You're getting a crisp from those McDonald's nuggets.
Yeah, it's a different thing, isn't it?
It's like sludge in a little form. You don't like McDonald's, you don't like McDonald's nuggets. Yeah, it's a different thing, isn't it? It's like sludge in a little form.
You don't like McDonald's?
No, we've talked about nuggets on the show before.
You don't like pizza, though you also have had
an interest in pizza lately, so I don't know where you stand.
She has changed her tune on pizza, I will say.
Well, well, well.
Which has been huge to the show.
And let me guess, you like Friends now, too?
I do like having friends.
The show Friends? Well, I don't hate friends.
I just was, what was, what did I say about it?
So this was a, this was a, we did an episode of our Patreon
where we brought you on to talk about the Doughboyz pilot.
And no one, no, the friends pilot.
The friends pilot, I apologize.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're not going to talk about the Doughboyz pilot.
And Mitch had said as a prelude that Claudia loves friends.
And then he came on the show and you were kind of like, it's, I, it's okay. Yeah, we're not gonna talk about the Doughboys pilot. And Mitch had said as a prelude that Claudia loves Friends.
And then he came on the show and you were kind of like,
it's okay.
Yeah, I'm like, I watched it.
Yeah.
And then we had you on for pizza,
you didn't like pizza.
Right.
Yeah, you've had me on for pizza, it feels like 50 times.
I believe it was once.
Okay.
But I do enjoy-
I can't think of the Doughboys wiki.
Do you know what I really am looking for?
What's that?
An amazing mushroom pizza, no tomato sauce.
Cheese and mushroom, yum.
Yum.
Yum.
It's done well, but if not,
if the cheap version of that is disgusting.
Yeah.
Sure, of course.
Baja Fresh, true food kitchen.
A cangels. That was gross. No pizza places yet. You did our McDonald's tournament. Of course. Baja Fresh, True Food Kitchen.
Okay, interesting. That was gross.
No pizza places yet.
You did our McDonald's tournament.
Yes, that was, yeah.
And then Jollibee,
and then you also did our pizza tournament.
That's when you did the pizza tournament.
You did the pizza tournament and then-
Goed down pizza twice?
Or what? Well, you would've had a lot of pizza for that.
You had a few different pizzas.
Oh, I see, I see. At least four slices.
So that's the impression I'm getting.
Or Munch Madness the slices, right?
Is she in the Five Timers Club as a guest? Like, I see. At least four slices. So that same person I'm getting. Or Munch Madness, the slices, right? Is she in the Five Timers Club as a guest?
Like, SNL?
I guess so if you count the,
no, in the main feed for sure,
the collab apps with Earley,
definitely the Five Timers Club.
And then if you include the Patreon,
where we did How You Dough In,
about the Dough Boys, or I'm sorry, the Friends pilot.
Is this only my second appearance?
My third appearance?
This is your third appearance. You did a solo appearance, right? me to watch. Is this only my second appearance? My third appearance?
I think this is your third appearance.
You did a solo appearance, right?
It's solo.
Yeah, I did Raising Canes.
That was a lot of fun.
And then we did Jollibee.
Yeah.
You guys have had the run
of the fried chicken market on the show.
I know. I will have always been aiming
to get here to the KFC.
This is big, and I will say this,
I don't know if KFC's- And that's why,
after this, we'll never come on the show again.
KFC, has it ever made the Golden Plate Club, Nick?
That's another question.
What does that mean?
If it hits the threshold of four forks or higher
from Mitch, myself and the guests or guests,
then it enters the Golden Plate Club
and it is there until it is removed on a subsequent review.
I don't think it's in the Golden Plate Club.
I'm just gonna give a rundown of everything that we had.
I got a big box, big bent tenders box
that came with five tenders, mashed potatoes and gravy.
That's the only thing that they forgot today
was a large mashed potatoes and gravy for you guys.
Yeah, and the mashed potatoes is very yucky as well.
You know what, I thought it was okay today, but.
Oh man, I think they've fallen off.
They have 100% fallen off,
but I thought that it was an okay version of it today,
but they've fallen off from where they were.
We got a large mac and cheese, which is not good.
I don't like the mac and cheese.
Sadly terrible.
You were lemoning the mac and cheese.
Yeah.
I was shocked by it.
Yeah, I mean, it needed something, like anything at all.
It had zero flavor.
It was just like a waxing plastic.
Yeah.
Cheeseless.
Yeah.
A silly, cheeseless mac and cheese. I don't know if it'sily cheese-less mac and cheese.
I don't know if it's gotten worse
or the mac and cheese has always been bad.
Boston Market had a good one.
I was just gonna say that Boston Market was like,
it was that kind of almost synthetic, I mean it was.
What is Boston Market?
What is Boston Market?
I have to laugh.
That's why, yeah.
To keep myself from getting pissed off.
Boston Market started as Boston Chicken.
It is a rotisserie chicken and sides concept,
but it also has things like,
you can get ham and prime rib and stuff there.
It's honestly like Clems,
like the side, it's served in the same way,
like Buffet, or they scoop it for you.
Yeah, like family style dinner plates.
They've fallen, they've also fallen,
a lot of closures. I think they're gone, right?
They're almost gone, I think.
But that was huge in America when I was a kid.
So you like it.
I loved Boston Market.
And it was good.
And it was big for me. And it was good mac and cheese.
The mac and cheese was like rotini or the kind of a tapie.
Yeah, and then rotisserie chicken, no fried chicken.
I like rotisserie chicken
because I can eat pretty much the whole wing.
Yeah, it's really fun.
I love to eat the bone of a wing.
You eat the bone.
What do you mean?
Like, you know how a wing is this?
It's like the fat section and then the pointy section.
Sure.
Yeah.
This is the pointy, like this is the point.
If you roast it well enough, or you get a long enough cooked roast chicken,
I eat that entire bone.
No. Yeah.
You're a bone eater?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
That act out looked like you were eating a gun.
I know.
Imagine, in America, a gun.
That would actually be really powerful.
Yeah, you never got hungry.
Exactly, you'd never go hungry.
Thank you.
Thank you, anyways. That's the scary thing to say. That's crazy though, that you can eat the bone. Thank you. Thank you. Anyways.
That's a scary thing to say.
That's crazy though that you can eat the bone.
Well, if you cook it enough, because it just becomes like crunchy.
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, I'm sure you have to be careful not to like pierce your esophagus.
Yeah.
But I love it.
Crunchy.
Well.
Crunchy bone.
I've tried to have like, you know, I've had like shrimp where they say you can eat it
with a shell on and stuff like that.
Sure. And I can't, I don't do it that well.
No, I can do that.
Sometimes soft shell crab.
I'm like, guys.
All right.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like sometimes it is delish, but other times it's like, what do you, what are you trying to make me prove?
I know.
Sure.
Yeah.
I'm soft shell crab.
It's got to be pretty soft for me.
Yeah.
You want the crab to be soft? I want the shell to be soft shell crab. It's going to be pretty soft for me. Yeah.
You want those crab to be soft?
I want the shell to be soft. Yes.
I need it to be soft.
Yeah.
Um, anyway.
Is that your favorite chicken like portion?
The wing?
You had to pick one.
Yes.
I do like the wings.
I love the wings.
She's obsessed with wings.
I, and I love to roast a chicken and then I'm secretly just snapping the wings up
and eating them before I give it to her.
Oh, that's funny.
You were really ready to go.
When I walked in, you were like,
can we eat now?
As soon as I walked in.
Well, because I got in,
I came here at 12 o'clock,
I was asked to do.
I was parking.
There was no parking for me in the head gum offices.
It's fucked up all around, I agree. Everything was fucked.
Yeah.
I was hungry. I told you I wasn't going to eat breakfast so I could really enjoy the food.
Oh yeah. I didn't eat breakfast, but that's normal.
But you never do because you're trying to cut.
Interesting.
We had eight, Wags had a yogurt before because I am on a tech chain.
What kind of yogurt are you eating?
I do like a full fat, like a Greek yogurt.
And then I do like, I had some mixed berries.
I just kind of threw it in there.
And I do a little drizzle of honey.
Yeah, that's gorgeous.
You should also put a mix of seeds and nuts on there.
Oh, see, interesting.
I've been having some issues with the nut intolerance.
Is it interesting that walnuts is so good for the brain
and they look like brains?
That is a lot of fun.
Wait, what are seeds?
Walnuts. Walnuts. They're great for your, and they look like brains. That is a lot of fun. Wait, what are seeds? Walnuts. Walnuts.
They're great for your brain, and it looks like a brain.
And they also look like lungs.
And they're great for your lungs as well.
Sounds like you're lying on one of these facts.
No, I have a bit of a nut intolerance
I've developed as I've gotten older,
so like I have to be, you know.
What kind of nuts?
Like kind of everything.
I know all of it was. Get some seeds in there. I was trying to set you up, what kind of nuts like kind of everything
Oh, you mean like a horny sort of no no no D's nuts like a
We back it up. We am I can we just like yeah, we'll just had a round Okay, I have it developed something kind of a nut intolerance lately. What kind of nut do you use nuts?
Oh, I didn't know you were in a
I like that you pointed out.
Okay, I'm too happy.
So I thought that was part of the bit.
I know that Nick has yogurt
because I'm on a yogurt text chain with him
where he texts yogurt every time he has it.
So I know that he had it.
I had squirrel yogurt parfait a couple days.
Like, like.
From the brand is squirrel, the company is squirrel.
The restaurant is squirrel.
The restaurant squirrel.
But do they make that like at the restaurant
or is it something that you get out of a fridge?
No, no, they make it at the restaurant.
Oh, interesting, and it was good.
And what goes else in it?
That famous moldy squirrel jam.
And then nuts and stuff like that.
It's good.
It's been pretty good.
I didn't eat anything before this.
We had an eight piece chicken combo.
Well, no combo, just an eight piece bucket.
Yes, but some of it was extra crispy
and some of it was original recipe.
We don't know why that happened.
That is weird.
That was an aberration.
In the bucket?
Yeah.
Extra crispy versus original recipe?
Yeah, one is pale and disgusting looking
and one is golden and heavenly.
Wow.
The extra crispy is like the double stuffed Oreo
where you're just like, oh, it's gonna be great
cause I get more of what I like.
It's more batter.
And then you have it in practice,
like this is not as good.
I don't want the Ooga Potchka.
It's pale.
It doesn't taste, to me,
it tastes like it is not the 11 Herbs and Spices.
Yes.
So like, it sucks.
I agree.
I don't like the extra crispy.
And that's how the 10-year-old by default.
I get it.
No one told me that when I was digging through that bucket.
And that sucks.
I made sure you got original recipe,
so I said to the bottom.
Thank you.
It wasn't our fault.
I think they gave us four and four.
Yeah.
Okay.
And I'm with you.
I'm, you, you, you converted me.
I think that Jemmy may have farted just to let you know.
Okay.
Just to let you know.
Okay.
Look how sweet her eyes.
I'm just gonna not breathe for a minute.
Yeah, just do it through your mouth.
How did you know?
Did you hear it?
Did you feel it?
I inhaled something.
Oh, you smelled it.
Okay. He felt himself farting and then he said it.
That's not, I did not.
I did not.
I'm never gonna-
She looks pretty content with it.
I'm gonna never blame Jemmy for fart ever.
I still haven't braided.
I think you are good now.
Can you imagine if like dogs,
we just had no shame about farts?
It feels like they kind of-
I don't think she has any shame. She'll just let it rip whenever. It feels like they kind of... I don't think she has any shame.
She'll just let it rip whenever.
It feels like they don't.
They don't? No, why wouldn't they?
Why are you laughing about that?
No, because she said, could you imagine?
I said, I...
Did you say, can you imagine if dogs had...
Oh, no, no, if we liked dogs.
We would like dogs.
Oh, that is a horrible world.
It's kind of the way I think, man.
Ha ha ha!
We need to get the resistor to IV and get rid of phones.
Get rid of phones.
This is Claudia's big thing lately and I agree with her.
It's the great scandal of our lifetimes.
It's stolen our brains.
I think it has affected my vision.
I have a stigmatism now.
Yeah, that's not good.
My dreams are literally just notifications.
I do a phone-free Sunday. I don't look at my phone at all the whole day, have it off and it's the best. It's not. My dreams are literally just notifications. I do a phone free Sunday.
I don't look at my phone at all the whole day,
have it off and it's the best day of the week.
Where does the Apple watch go?
Around my wrist.
But I'm not checking it.
I don't check any notifications.
Yeah.
You don't?
No, no.
Kind of pissing me off that you actually are getting
my texts on that fucking thing when I'm like,
quick, I need to know today on Sunday.
I get notifications off. Oh, that's nice. I don't see any. You know what? I appreciate your no phone Sundays. You put it like, quick, I need to know today on Sunday. I get notifications off.
Oh, that's nice. I don't see any.
You know what? I appreciate your no phone Sundays.
You put it in a drawer, I like it.
Everyone else.
We're gonna have to get to no phone every day though.
I love this.
I know.
Look, I'm just gonna say,
how about, can we still call each other?
Okay, this is what phones can have.
Phones can have calls, they can have text messages.
Although I would argue we need to get rid of texting too.
Okay, let's get rid of texting.
I like it, but we need to get rid of it.
We have to get rid of it.
Okay, it can only have calls, maps.
Yes.
Calls and maps.
That's it.
What else can you have podcasts on it?
Yes, you can have calls, maps. Music, podcasts, sure.
Okay, this is the new phone we're calling.
The phone is called Flavor Ho.
And it is only calls, maps, and podcasts.
Isn't that our band?
Okay. Flavor Ho's, yeah.
But like the band's putting out a phone.
Okay, I like this.
Calls, maps.
Podcasts. Podcasts.
Music. Music. Music, yeah, podcasts, music.
That's it.
What if you want to go to an event?
I think we even get rid of the camera.
Get rid of the camera.
I'm good for getting rid of the camera.
No social networking, no nothing, but maps.
That is like the one thing I'm like, I do would love to have a map.
You know what is specifically affecting restaurants?
The QR code menu drives me bananas.
It's unacceptable, we have to get up and leave
whenever we see it.
And you have to unashamedly ask for a paper menu.
Yeah.
And I get really, I mean, and this is like not fair
to like the waiter, but like, but when someone hands me
or when it's a QR code and I go, is there a paper menu?
And they go, no, sorry.
I always get, I'm like,
I'm always like, oh, that's so heartbreaking.
Like really nasty. I get really, I'm like, it's just, we're all on our phones now.
Yeah, sure.
I get so angry and then you're literally,
everyone's like.
It's so annoying.
It's bad.
I agree with you.
I agree with you. Awful.
And yet you invented the QR code.
I know. I did not invent QR codes.
And you're raking in so much money
every time someone uses one.
I wish that I was raking money
every time someone uses a QR code.
I would be a millionaire.
How would I even begin to create QR codes?
With just drawing them.
Yeah.
I did not draw.
I have nothing to do with QR codes.
The app, the KFC app is decent.
It's a decent app. Okay, that is one app. The app, the KFC app is decent. It's a decent app.
Yeah, the KFC app is fine.
Okay, that is one app you can have.
The KFC app.
The KFC app.
Do you do a lot of app ordering?
Not with, no.
Like delivery.
No, just in general.
No, I only have like the delivery apps,
but I don't have like the KFC app.
The restaurant specific ones, yeah.
Cause there's a lot of fast food, like,
I don't think KFC has a great like point system.
A lot of them do have good rewards.
Yeah, McDonald's, Dunkin'.
You all know.
We gotta get hard work on that.
That was good.
Post on the text.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was gonna say, you gotta get hard work on that.
At the points system.
Points.
Okay, here we go.
We got the eight piece bucket.
It was half extra crispy, half original.
I liked the original.
I liked the lemon that didn't taste old.
Lemon was great. Squeeze onto the chicken. All the the lemon that didn't taste old. Lemon was great.
Squeeze onto the chicken.
All the nugs would kind of feel the same way on the tenders.
I just want to get to the tenders.
Yes.
The tenders were not good today.
I don't like the tenders.
They were not good.
I don't like them in general.
They were, they just, they felt a little bit like the...
Bland.
Bland and a little bit flimsy and pale.
Pale in color. It was, and the breading wasn't, it wasn't, it didn't have a right crisp on it. Like the bland and a little bit flimsy and pale.
It was in the breading wasn't,
it wasn't, it didn't have a right crisp on it.
It was, there was, there was a lot of issues with them.
We also got the chicken little,
which is like a chicken slider.
I thought that sucked.
I hated it.
It was disgusting.
I was okay with it.
John and I were okay with it.
Oh yeah, yeah.
I'm okay with it because to me,
it's quintessentially Southern.
Like the blandness of that, of like, fried chicken
and mayonnaise and pickle on a bun.
Like...
I actually liked the pickle.
I liked the pickle.
I thought the bun was just way too bunny.
Way too much.
The bun evaporated, but was also waxy.
It was, the bun was disgusting.
I wanna make sure, we're talking about the little chicken.
We're not talking about the spicy chicken sandwich.
Not the spicy chicken sandwich, it was a different thing. I was the spicy chicken sandwich. I thought they both had bad buns. We didn't chicken. We're not talking about the spicy chicken sandwich. Not the spicy chicken sandwich. It's a different thing. How was the spicy chicken sandwich?
We didn't, Nick and I didn't try the spicy chicken sandwich.
That was fucked up because I ate the most.
I ate it all.
I thought I had one bite, I ate the rest of it.
How was it?
I have to say, it was my favorite thing I had today.
Uh, here's why.
Jimmy's favorite thing she had to date, it's just jeans.
Looking up a storm over there.
Really cute. She does this every, I don't get to wash these things if she does it every week. Jimmy's favorite thing she had to date, which is jeans. Licking up a storm over there.
That's so sweet.
Really cute.
She does this every, I don't get to wash these things if she does it every week.
Did you wipe your fried chicken hands on your jeans?
Is that what happened?
Yeah, that's what I wanted, Jimmy, to lick me, so I wiped my fried chicken on my jeans.
Get real, Nick.
That's ridiculous.
There's dog fur on your shoulder.
How did it get there?
It might be cat fur from From my kitties.
All right, you guys are gonna give me attitude,
I'm gonna give you attitude right back.
Ah!
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Dreaded bathrobe covering mom up?
Ugh.
Get that sweater off of you.
Too many layers.
Wiggs, that's right.
You know what?
I'm guilty.
I've given my mom too many of these boring gifts.
Yes.
Some sweaters, some candles, some dreaded bathrobes.
I've accidentally given my mom the same gift twice.
Wow.
It's really embarrassing.
Or you end up getting like, oh, I guess I'll give you a gift card.
I don't, you know, like, it doesn't feel like there's any love behind that.
Well, guess what, Wags?
I've also gifted my mom an Aura frame.
That's right. Wow!
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And you know what, Wags? My mom liked her old frame so much. This is true.
She got my sister one and now my sister's got one in her dining room.
Wow.
Terms and conditions apply.
Send photos you want from your phone to mom's frame.
In fact, Mitch, I'm gonna send your mom a photo right now.
The hell?
Enjoy Mrs. Mitchell.
I love you, mommy. I love you, mommy. You're talking to right now. The hell? Enjoy Mrs. Mitchell.
I love you mommy.
I love you mommy.
You're talking to your mom, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
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We should, we gotta, bitch, we're up against the clock.
We gotta get to our final box.
John's gotta get the hell out of here.
He's promoting a film right now.
I still have, I still have time.
We got a segment and we got a feedback to end.
We got a lot of bullshit to go through.
We gotta get to our final box. But I really like the spicy chicken sandwich is all I have to say. It felt got a feedback to end. We got a lot of bullshit to go through. We got to get to our final thoughts.
But I really like the spicy chicken sandwich,
that's all I have to say.
It felt like a hot chicken sandwich.
Their chicken sandwiches on the entrance
were pretty decent.
And the new fries, I've got something to say about them too.
Go for it.
Okay, they're not bad,
and I'm glad that there's a fry option over wedge,
but still, I don't need these highly seasoned fries
next to the most delicious chicken of all time.
Just give me a normal potato fry. Simple fry, please. Got it. but still I don't need these highly seasoned fries next to the most delicious chicken of all time.
Just give me a normal potato fry, simple fry please.
Got it.
Mountain Dew, go.
Oh yeah.
The Mountain Dew Sweet Lightning,
is that what it's called?
That's right.
I got it right this time, Sweet Lightning.
Sweet Lightning.
This is a KFC exclusive Mountain Dew flavor
that we did talk about on the Yum Brands All-Star Game
back in the tournament.
Grease, some of the Greases, I think some of the Greases was shot at not far
Marshall High School, I believe.
Oh yeah, the end of Grease.
Wow.
Yeah.
Oh yes, the end of Grease.
Yeah.
A wop babaloo bop, a wop bam boom.
We go together.
Yeah, they're like when the car flies into the air.
No, it's really fun.
Does anyone want a Coke or a Seltzer?
I think Jemmy farted again, I believe.
Or maybe she just yawned.
I will stop breathing again.
I'm going to really quick get a Coke.
But y'all keep rolling.
Oh, I'll get you one.
Really?
We also, we're going to take a break
after we give our final thoughts.
Let's give our final thoughts.
Let's give our KFC final thoughts.
Yeah, so here's how this will work.
We'll each go around.
We'll say our closing argument, if you will,
on this particular chain
and end up by giving a score from zero to five forks.
And can I ask, are we basing our scores
on the saucy nuggets or KFC generally?
I'll say what I was planning to do.
And I think this is a good template for everyone to follow,
but you can make your own rules.
I was planning on giving a separate fork score
for the saucy nuggets and then for KFC at large.
Okay. Okay.
John or Elise, seated to my left,
your thoughts, your fork score.
I have to say, and I'm going to keep talking
as I receive the Coke.
Did you want a Coke heavy?
That's what you wanted?
Oh, I wanted it real.
Oh, wow.
The best drink there is.
I know.
Real quick, hold on.
You said ew?
Yeah, I don't like it.
Oh, yeah.
Do you like soda at all?
Not really.
Really?
What's your default beverage?
Oh, water. You don't like, this is the thing, you don't like the effervescence. Really? What's your default beverage? Water.
This is the thing, you don't like the effervescence.
You don't like the sparkles.
I just love the effervescence and just like, I'm like,
I don't have a sweet tooth.
What happened?
I swallowed it too fast.
Oh no.
Ow, ow.
This is why I don't like it.
It's burning.
That's why.
No.
Mitch. I'm sorry, we're sorry. It's burning! That's why! No! Mitch!
I'm sorry, we're sorry!
We apologize!
It's dangerous.
Oh my god.
This broadcast is causing so much pain.
So I once again just want to reiterate what I said,
which is that
there's something so
thrilling to me
about getting fast food where you're getting sides,
like in a kind of family style way,
like the mac and cheese, the mashed potatoes,
instead of all these like little perfectly contained
little like robot food feeling of other fast food.
You know what I mean?
So I just, I love KFC.
I love the batter. I love it, I love KFC. I love the batter.
I love it, I love the experience.
Even though of course there's like a, there's a blandness.
I wonder what would have happened had I not been late
and it was more hot, you know?
The constant question, same on Top Chef.
I'm like, what's hot?
I know.
So, but, so how many forks?
Out of five forks.
KFC, I'm gonna give four.
Wow. Wow.
Is that too low?
No, no, no. No?
Oh no, definitely.
I don't think it's ever been in the Golden Play Club,
I might be wrong.
Oh, I'm gonna give it four, and then the Saucy Nuggets,
I'm gonna say three.
Wow, that's high. Wow.
I know.
That's higher than I expected.
That's higher than I expected.
Claudia, your thoughts, your fork scores.
OK, I thought the saucy nuggets were disgusting.
The golden showers one was the best one.
It's not golden showers.
Because it was the least sweet, and then the rest just
got pretty sweet pretty quickly.
And I just don't want that.
If I want something sweet, I'll have a chocolate ice cream.
Oh my god.
That's fair. I'll have an ice cream sundae, or a slice of cake, or a cookie with a chocolate ice cream. Oh my god. That's fair.
I'll have an ice cream sundae or a slice of cake
or a cookie with a glass of milk.
That's fair.
So, okay, and in
that spirit of that,
I give the nuggets one fork
and I give KFC five forks
because it makes the nicest chicken on planet Earth.
Five forks for KFC.
Do you have other American chicken concepts in Australia?
Is there a Popeyes? Is there a Churches?
Is there a Bojangles?
Absolutely not.
Oh my God.
We've got O Porto, which is like...
One's coming to LA.
One's coming to LA.
If you don't give me that fucking episode...
It's all yours.
Well, yeah, you can have it.
It's us two.
We'll decide if we want to split you up or not.
I feel like we might have more order
if we just get one of them.
Do we need to have equilibrium
between the number of Claudia solo episodes
and the number of John solo episodes?
No.
No, I wanna come back as a duo.
Okay, okay.
I will only come back solo if Claudia dies.
Yes. That's sweet.
And I say the same about that. Yeah. Wow. That's sweet. And I say the same about that.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's sweet of you.
All right, fine, you know what?
And I've always said that.
Yeah, if John dies, I will come back solo.
That is very sweet.
And you know what?
We'll allow it.
We'll allow it.
You guys now will always be booked together.
Oh my gosh. Thank you.
Thank you.
Unless someone's out of town or dead.
Mitch, I looked it up.
KFC and the three times we've given it a proper review
on the podcast has never made it in the Golden Play Club. And you know why? That's a travesty. It, dead. Mitch, I looked it up. KFC and the three times we've given it a proper review on the podcast has never made it in the Golden Play Club.
And you know why?
Not to travesty.
It's Mitch.
Mitch has not gone higher than three and a half forks.
Well, well, well.
So I am going to go now
and I'm going to let you take it home.
Oh my God.
And so you can be the ultimate armada.
The devil is the one at least expects.
Of where this ends up.
Oh.
That's the truth.
What, you don't like this?
Wags, you're up.
You think you're the one, like, people would least suspect?
I guess they probably thought it would be me.
They probably would think you would be the devil
if I didn't do that.
Look how shitty my shoes are compared to John.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, none of that.
I know.
Yeah, you should get some nice shoes.
What are you waiting for?
I got new ones, I got some new ones.
As far as feet are concerned,
Mitch has his scuffed up old Adidas.
John has his lovely, lovely shoes.
I want some of those.
Body has gone shoeless, a thing that most guests,
the guests have never done, this is unprecedented.
Mitch has now joined you.
No nonsense.
And I've got my tootsies out of more than sandals.
With nail polish.
I do, yeah, I got a little petty.
Did you do it?
No, I went to a place.
How many toes do you have? Looks like six.
I have five and five, but maybe the way they're arranged.
Seriously look like six.
And you also counted them below the table.
Well, they were squirming, so it was like, whoa,
so many toes.
I don't know, I don't want to give you
a face full of my feet, but I have five on each foot.
My shoes kind of smell after I took them off.
Me thinks the lady does protest too much.
I'm moving them so quickly so we can't count.
You're moving them so quickly so we can't count.
One, two, three, four, ah, ah.
It's six.
It looked like six to me now.
Nick's got six toes.
Nick's got six toes on each foot.
I'm fine to start this rumor.
It doesn't affect me much.
I am going to say the K. It doesn't affect me much.
I am going to say the KFC Saucy Nuggets,
look, everyone over there at that event was lovely to us.
Were people enjoying them at the event?
I don't think so.
I think fine and large.
Did they provide forks for the nuggets?
What's that?
Did they provide forks for the nuggets?
No, they were finger food and they were a little sloppy.
We're breaking down that whole experience
on a Patreon episode.
Yeah, there'll be a Patreon episode.
Okay.
Okay.
Patreon.com slash doughboys.
I am going to give the saucy nuggets.
I just think they're a flawed concept.
We're cooking your coffee.
I think it's a flawed execution.
That's insane.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
No, I think it's not even a flawed execution.
They're flawed at the conceptual level.
They should not exist.
They are a thing that should not be.
Saucy Nuggets for me are one for all.
They know it's a fucking year long thing.
There's no way.
It's a cash grab.
It's a cash grab.
And that's what sucks about these novelty ass,
like cinnamon crumbles or whatever.
At like the places they're like balls. We actually were supposed to get apple pie bites and we didn't get at like the places. They're like balls.
We actually were supposed to get apple pie bites
and we didn't get them.
Oh yeah.
Ew, from KFC.
I don't want the KFC apple pie.
I'm sad.
I'm glad we didn't get them.
You said, you said, ew.
I know.
I realized they were probably amazing.
The saucy nugs real quick.
Saucy nugs are one fork for me.
KFC in general.
There's just better fast food chicken is the thing.
There's just better fast food chicken in America.
I'd rather have Popeyes, but like buy a lot.
I think Popeyes is consistently a better product
and a higher tier of fast food.
And I also think Yum brands in general
has fallen off a cliff
and they are continuing their descent at least stateside. Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
You scared Jemmy.
No!
You scared Jemmy.
Jemmy left the couch.
She's going to Weigler's side.
Jemmy, come over here.
Jemmy.
Jemmy, you're safe over here.
We already do sanctuary.
Sanctuary.
Sanctuary.
Jemmy.
Sanctuary.
Come on, Jemmy.
Jemmy.
Jemmy.
Jemmy, we won't yell at you. Jemmy, come here. She's coming back to decide the traumatizer. Sanctuary sanctuary sanctuary
He's coming back to decide the traumatizer come here come here Jimmy. There's no pillow anymore everyone stop being loud for Jimmy She doesn't want to sit next to your fucking six toes. Oh my god
Claudia what have you done?
Claudia what have you done Jimmy has joined me on the couch?
It was because of what Nick said about young friends.
What a good girl.
I love you, Jemmy.
There's a warm spot where Jemmy once was.
Jemmy will come back, I can tell.
We'll see.
She wants to be here.
I mean, she's not cozied up yet.
She is still on tune.
Remember how she was between you and I?
All that tootin', I'm wondering if she needs to go outside.
I need to go outside.
I'm going to, look, we're running out of time here.
I'm just going to get to my fork score.
I just don't think KFC is up to the standard it used to be.
And I also just think there's better fried chicken
available here.
Name it, name it, name it.
And I think all the sides are bad.
Pop those.
I don't think there's any reason to go higher
than three forks for KFC.
And honestly, even there, I think I'm being charitable,
but just because the bone-in chicken,
I think is still pretty competent.
Three forks for KFC.
Go ahead, go ahead, Zuma.
I'm gonna let Mitch go last,
and then the devil is the one least expected.
Sausage?
Oh, my saucy nugs is one fork.
My KFC in general is three forks.
Go ahead, Mitch.
Does Popeyes have bone-in chicken?
They do, yeah.
You should try Popeyes.
You should try Popeyes. I know, we should definitely. I've never had Popeyes. It's great. I've had Popeyes have bone-in chicken? They do, yeah. They do, of course. You should try Popeyes. You should try Popeyes. I know, we should definitely.
It's just superior.
I've never had Popeyes.
I don't know if I've had Popeyes.
It's great.
We should do it.
You gotta try Popeyes.
I've only had Chick-fil-A.
Chick-fil-A, I don't, I mean,
you're from the South, so you may have some.
And I know that they're bad.
Yeah, well, Chick-fil-A is why I like
that little chicken sandwich.
Right, yeah.
Because it reminds me of like the blandness of Chick-fil-A.
That is a good chicken sandwich,
and their mac and cheese is very good,
I would say, about Chick-fil-A.
Popeyes introduced their chicken sandwich in recent years.
It was obviously this huge sensation and I do love it.
I did think it's a really good chicken sandwich.
Yeah.
Quite the curve ball from you, Wags.
Uh, I'll get to my plan of thoughts.
Um, I, my plan of thoughts, as I said, um, I actually came around a bit on KFC this time
because of the lemon, because of our guests.
It would have made the Golden Play Club
because I'm saying four forks.
You're going up to four forks.
Oh my God.
What's your score for the Saucy Nugs?
My score for the Saucy Nugs is two,
two and a quarter forks.
Wow, you went higher than I expected.
I liked the Georgia gold ones
because they were actually, they stayed.
Georgia gold.
Georgia gold.
Because they stayed the crispiest of the nugs.
The rest.
Seems fun to say it like that.
Georgia gold.
There you go, I knew you wanted to say it.
Do it.
Georgia gold.
It was fun to say. Yeah, it was fun. Everyone should say it, make a video of yourself saying Georgia gold. It was fun to say.
Yeah.
Everyone should say it.
Make a video of yourself saying Georgia gold.
And send it in to georgagold.com.
We definitely can't get that one, I don't think, but we'll look.
You could put the videos up on birdpluck.com.
You could put them up on...
You know what?
Actually, yeah.
Send in your Georgia gold reads and we'll...
We'll put them on Jordan.
We'll put them on birdpluck.com.
I think they have to live on birdfuck.com because I don't think we want to maintain Send in your Georgia gold reads and we'll put them on
Bird fuck calm because I don't think we want to maintain two separate URLs, but we can redirect
Pluck redirects to bird
You now own BirdPluck.com. That's right, from that Fountain of Cash Weiger reference that we...
It's going to BirdPluck.com.
I've had something in my eye for the last 20 minutes, and I've not made a big deal about it.
Need a break?
And both of y'all stood idly by.
Yeah, it's probably one of your cat's furs flying through the air and landing in the air.
Wally and I wouldn't do that, first of all.
Second of all, we need to get this guest out of here.
He has to promote his movie.
It's called Stress Positions or whatever.
Yeah.
Four forks.
You go four forks.
The nuggets are a disaster.
Give us one sauce in a glass.
I was right to scream, Nick,
you've done a bad thing today.
You did.
You know, I could go up to four forks
and put it in the Golden Plate Club,
but I don't think it belongs there.
I appreciate this.
We can't rig the show.
No.
All right, it's time for a segment.
You're fine with extra toes, but not extra forks?
I had a normal number of toes.
Looked weird to me.
Or do I?
Six is normal.
Everything's beautiful.
All right, we've got some, we got a food stuff we're gonna decide
if you should put in your mouth.
We got, it's snack or whack,
and hey, we got some three different varietals of KitKat.
Now here's the issue, Mitch.
You and I are gonna have to share
because we only got three
because we thought we'd have one guest for this.
Since we have two guests,
I'm gonna give each of them one of these for themselves,
and then you and I can split the third.
So we've got three different KitKat varietals.
KitKat white? E white, not excited about that.
There are four Kit Kat bars in each package.
Yeah, that's pretty good to me.
So if you wanna just open one.
Kit Kat birthday cake.
Now I'm a big enthusiast of birthday flavor,
but that sounds like a flawed concept.
And then Kit Kat chocolate frosted donut.
Okay, last one. I'm not complaining.
Like me, okay?
Let me circulate these.
Here, I'm just gonna pass these all over Mitch, and then can hand me your your leftovers. Can I have a hundred?
So I get a one donut one birthday one white this is really dangerous we taste test in chocolate with
She like she did she even sniffed out
She's too motivated for chocolate. She, like, she didn't, did she even sniff that
when she was sitting next to me?
No, she didn't.
She was usually pretty good.
I'm gonna start with the chocolate frosting.
She was very interested in KFC though.
Because I think that will be the nicest.
I'm starting with the white
because I think it's gonna be the worst.
Where do y'all stand on Kit Kat in general?
I like it. I love Kit Kats.
Do you like Kit Kat?
Are we crunching into the microphone?
Where does the Kit Kat jingle rank among jingles?
I think it's a pretty good jingle.
Give me a break. Give me a break.
Give me a break.
Break me out of my peve so that Kit Kat bar.
I think this is disgusting.
Yeah, I don't like it.
Which one are you having?
The donut one.
It does taste like a chocolate donut.
Yeah, but.
Just give me a normal Kit Kat.
No, no, you're fine.
Kit Kat white, not that bad.
It's probably simpler.
The donut one is just like.
Very sugary. It's got, for people listening on is just like. Very sugary.
It's got, for people listening on the audio feed.
All right, Mitch is tossing over a white one.
I'm gonna hate it.
Wow!
That was amazing.
Gotcha.
Sorry.
Okay, now.
John pulled a Charles Woodson and intercepted it.
That was really something.
Who's that?
Kick out white has chocolate between the layers.
Yeah.
He's a football man.
There are two different, as a winery now.
Really?
The Wigery.
Wow, I will say this looks very cute.
It does look cute.
Are you a birthday cake?
The sprinkles are very cute.
I'm a white and I know I'm gonna hate this.
Do you hate white chocolate?
White chocolate is not good.
I don't hate the chocolate frosted donut.
I don't think it's good, but I don't hate it.
I mean, it's sort of impressive
and it does recreate the sort of flavor
of a thin insipid chocolate glaze.
Yes, it does.
But it's bad.
Yeah, I don't see any reason to get this over the default,
which is always my metric for-
Birthday cake so far is my bottom, it's bad.
I'm gonna say that for last
because I'm a big enthusiast of birthday flavor.
If you like white chocolate, you could get this,
but I guess you would have to be deranged.
All right, I'm gonna have the white one now.
Birthday cake sucks, sorry.
Yeah.
I still don't like the donut the most.
I think the white one sucks.
You liked birthday cake, Jon?
I didn't like it, I just think that
it's not as bad as the donut.
It is cute looking, visually it's cute.
It's absolutely adorable, usually.
I know I'm gonna hate it.
Okay, I'm moving on to white.
So the birthday cake one has some little sprinkles
in there and then I was just trying to say earlier,
the chocolate frosted one is kind of separated
into two different layers.
There's like a base layer
and then a darker chocolate layer up top.
Do you think if someone's ever playing a character
in something and they're based on you, John,
the director might say to them, do it earlier.
Yeah.
But they think it's gross.
And the camera turns around, I'm the director.
Could you do it earlier?
Gemini.
So what's the game here? Do we rank them? Yeah, we say snack or what it was just saying that the white chocolate is my favorite me, too
It kind of is the most successful one in that it just is what it is
Yeah, and I'm gonna say wax across the board. These are all wax for me. Mm-hmm weirdly
Kind of like birthday the most.
Cause you know what?
It reminds me of one of those frosted, like animal cookies.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
Of course, with the little sprinkles.
And that is a very specific texture.
The tooth going through the waxy white chocolate into hard sugar sprinkle.
But maybe that's what it is.
It's like biting into a memory.
These all kind of suck.
I don't really like it.
They're all bad.
These are bad.
They're wack. Yeah. Yeah, I all kind of suck. They're all bad. These are bad.
They're wack.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
All wack.
Yeah, thank you.
What was that?
I said Proust's Kit Kat.
Mm.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
Santa?
Santa?
Santa?
Santa?
Sorry.
I'm not, I don't have some sort of, I don't have.
Kame on Santa?
Yeah.
Just cause I get cast as Santa all the time,
is that what you're saying?
No.
You could play Big Daddy in Tennessee Williams,
what's that, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof?
Oh yeah.
We should do a revival of all four of us.
Yes.
Oh.
Maggie the Cat.
Yes.
I'm the alcoholic's closeted husband.
Nick the roof.
No!
No!
No!
No!
I was curly in Oklahoma back then.
I was too!
You was curly hair!
And yet neither of you have truly curly hair.
Although do you?
When yours is longer.
I've never seen your hair long.
I actually do have curly hair when I grow it out.
Oh my God, you with long curls, oof.
Ew. Ew. Grow it out. Oh my God, you with long curls, oof. Oh.
Yeah.
Grow it out, give everyone a treat.
It looks like shit when I grow my hair out, I feel like.
Maybe I will grow it out this summer.
I was schooled at Oklahoma
and I played bassoon in the orchestra.
Hi, that was Snack or Wack,
just like a restaurant of value feedback.
Let's open up the feedback.
Today's email is from Dave in Burbank.
Wow, Dave writes, hi gang.
Hi.
In 1994, my best friend Joe quit the job
we shared at McDonald's for 25 cents more per hour
at the Carl's Jr. up the block.
While being trained, Joe told his manager that,
as a customer, he often found a couple of fries
mixed in with his onion rings,
or fried a zucchini in with his cross-cut fries, et cetera.
And that's why that happens, to which he replied,
Oh, I like to walk by once in a while
and toss a few wrong items into the other bins
just to keep it fun for the customers.
And proceeded to grab a handful of fries
and throw them in with the fried zucchini.
He couldn't tell if she was fucking with him,
but he adopted the practice
for the rest of his tenure at the restaurant.
My question for everyone is,
as the manager of a chain restaurant,
what sort of fun extras would you add to your daily routines
to keep it fun for the customers and staff?
Love to you all, and thanks for the fun.
A little sunglasses emoji and a peace emoji.
How about that?
That's a dangerous practice,
because what if someone's allergic to potatoes?
All fun and game until, yeah, you got a zucchini.
A potato allergy?
A zucchini allergy, an onion allergy.
Isn't the funnest thing in the world though,
when you get that order of fries
and you got a single onion ring in there?
For those of us who don't have allergies.
Potatoes or onions.
Yeah, I do think that is fun and I'm glad.
All right, okay.
And now John's arms up around me.
And for the people who are just listening.
Sorry.
No, but I think that's fun. Yeah, I think it's fun too. I think that's fun.
Yeah, I think it's fun too.
I think it's fun.
It is fun.
You know what?
What would we do?
The question is what would you do?
The question is they're asking us to invent something.
I'd say there was cake, but it'd really be Pepsi.
I'd put cake on the menu, but I'd be secretly serving Pepsi.
Every time anyone ordered water,
I'd give them a chocolate shake.
That's pretty fun.
So thirsty.
That's fun.
I think that I would, Nick, you know what I would do?
Yeah.
I would give people a surprise dessert sometimes.
Ooh, and just dessert.
Oh, that's fun, just a bonus.
They've not ordered dessert and you get a dessert.
Yeah, that's great.
Hey, you got a little piece of cake.
Sometimes people do, you know,
I feel like that's the thing I've gotten the most of like gone to a restaurant. I'm being very nice to the the the waiter or waitress
Yeah, I try to get their number. I'm not trying to get their number at all. That's not true
That's not true Claudia
Maybe Clyde I went together and she I I had a crush on a waitress, but I didn't ask her for a number
Oh, wow, it's the truth.ress, but I didn't ask her for her number. Oh wow.
It's the truth, I would never, I didn't do that.
There's nothing wrong with asking for a number.
That is true.
I think for a service employee,
it can sometimes cross the line, right?
Yeah, it's not, I don't want to go to my job
and the people who are like paying me
based on how nice I am to them are asking for a number.
Right, right, I guess it would have to be after the check.
After the check's been paid.
Yes, yeah.
You have to leave your number for them. Yeah, yeah. You don't have for theirs. And then they can just to be after the check. After the check's been paid. Yes. You have to leave your number for them.
Yeah, yeah.
You don't have to for theirs.
And then they can just throw it in the trash.
Yeah, we used to collect them.
That's funny.
You know what you do?
You leave your sunglasses there,
and then you leave, and then you come back.
This sounds insane.
I'm like, no, I forgot my sunglasses.
With the money Mitch spends on sunglasses,
this is not a good plan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He buys the most expensive. So hold on a second. I forgot my sunglasses, also I love a good plan. Yeah. You know? He buys the most expensive.
So hold on a second, I forgot my sunglasses.
Also, I love you.
What are you supposed to do when you come back?
No, you just take it from there.
You know what my trick is?
Yeah, I forgot my sunglasses.
What's that?
I clog the toilet.
And then I go, oh my God, I clogged the toilet.
It's overflowing.
But I go, and I'll come back in the morning
and help you guys clean up.
That's the way to do it.
It's so romantic.
Do you need me to sleep over at yours tonight
so it's easy for you to come in with me?
We can get breakfast on the way or whatever.
In terms of fun things at a restaurant,
I always appreciate a little personalized message
written on something.
Like on my cup, if there's just my name,
but then it's like Nick. Don't come back. But then there's a little smiley face or something. Like on my cup if there's just like my name, but then it's like Nick.
Don't come back.
But then there's a little smiley face or something.
Oh yeah.
Don't come back.
Stop forgetting your sunglasses.
I'm a model customer.
Oh, there was something though recently
that I got takeout from and they wrote like,
was that with you?
And they were kind of like inspirational messages
like with marker. Oh, that sounds very familiar, yeah. Like you made a good choice today. Yeah, it's like shut up. I was with you and there were kind of like inspirational messages with Marker.
That sounds very familiar, yeah.
Like, you made a good choice today.
Yeah, it's like shut up.
Fuck you.
Shut up.
Don't condescend to me.
Yeah.
I hate that shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I like is a good sit down place, a good waiter bit, but I wish there were some
new ones.
You know like a waiter's like, you finish the whole thing.
Oh, like I see you clearly hated it.
Yeah. I give it to them every time Oh, like I see, clearly hated it. Yeah, and I'm like.
Yeah.
I give it to them every time.
I love it, I always love that.
I'm like.
It's good.
I go crazy.
Yeah, we got one up in Ojai
where they were asking about a dessert
and the guy was like, oh, it's fine, it's good.
It's vegan, it's gluten-free, it's sugar-free,
it's dairy-free, it's flavor-free.
I was like, that's really good.
That's pretty good.
Though he's shit talking the menu.
He's shit talking the menu, but he's also like,
I'm being honest to you, which is like a fun,
a thing you want from your server.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Um, any other fun things that the waiter or waiter.
I've tried to get this one started, which is like,
I've talked about this in the podcast before,
and maybe there's a context to get work in a restaurant, but, um, like
if someone like orders like a really healthy item, like if someone orders
like, like, I'll just do the Mediterranean salad, I'm on a diet.
Uh, you get him with like, yeah, like, I tend to yo-yo diet.
Yo-yo, give me that burger.
Yo-yo.
Yeah.
As if it's 1993 or so.
Like, John, don't you say something all the time.
You have a bit that you always do
for waiting and they never understand what you're doing.
Oh wait, yeah.
I can't remember.
Oh, oh, the allergy thing.
What is it?
What is it?
Whenever they're like, any allergies,
and I go, just to fakeness.
Oh, that's funny.
That's funny.
That's really funny.
That's really funny.
It always like, what?
Yeah, it was also like fakeness isn't really,
you don't hear that often.
And also it's like the most serious question
they have to ask.
Yeah.
And then they're like, what?
I know what I would do.
Yeah.
I'd say open your mouth and then I'd shoot
some of their drink in through a straw into their mouth.
Wait, you do that to waiters or you want waiters to do that to you? If you were a waiter? If I was I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll ask for it to go.
That's really fun. That's funny.
It makes me laugh.
It's funny.
I used to, as my little thing when I was done with my food,
but I've had like a little bit of pancake left,
I'd carve it into an N like my initial.
Whoa.
And so I'd leave a little N on the plate.
Wow.
Kind of unsettling.
A calling card.
I forgot about my all time favorite bit
that doesn't involve the waiter, but the table next to you is asking for a bite.
Oh yeah.
That is really fun.
It really makes you laugh.
Just like to a total stranger, like can I have a bite?
I feel like if a waiter, if he was feeling the energy,
if the waiter did that to you,
like he could maybe get away with it,
but you'd have to really be like sinking with the family,
whoever the party was.
That would maybe scare me
because there are psychos in the world
who maybe would just
ask for a bite.
Yeah, sure.
So I'd be afraid to do it.
I got a phone call.
Well, it's good timing, Mitch, because-
Auburn, California.
I don't know who it is.
All right, here we go.
It's good timing because we've got to get John out of here.
If you have a question or comment about the World of Chain Restaurants, you can email
us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830-GO-DOE.
That's 830-463-6844.
We're going to give you the six out of here.
And coming up next month on Doughboy's Double, last year we did Mank, our month on David Fincher's
filmography for May.
This year it's back, Mank 2 Pink,
a full month about the films of Alexander Payne,
starting this coming Tuesday with the Tracy Flick
of podcasting, Jess McKenna on Election.
Oh my God.
Mank 2 Pink only at patreon.com slash doughboys.
Neither of you are banned, and also Nick,
we gotta have them plug
Yeah, I know I'm getting let me get to the fucking end of show business our producers Emma Erdbrink our associate producers Emilia
Marino our engineers Casey Donahue our video editors Mike Dorfman our guests Claudio Doherty John Early
Please plug whatever you want to plug and thank you for giving us so much of your time. Oh my god
Thank you for having us. I want to say that my movie stress positions is come is in LA at the
Panicking the landmark sunset.
It's in New York at IFC.
It's in Albany, New York.
It's in Atlanta.
It's in Austin, Texas.
It's in Cambridge, Mass., Chicago, Illinois,
Columbus, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Philadelphia, PA,
Portland, Oregon, San Diego, California,
San Francisco, and Tampa, Florida.
Stress Positions, released by Neon, starring me.
Wow.
You're starring in this movie, congratulations.
Thank you.
Stress Positions, check it out.
Very exciting.
Yeah.
I don't think I really have much to plug right now.
That's OK.
And that's chic.
That's cool.
Really exciting.
I was just trying to help.
You went crazy on me.
I know.
Just fucking trust me.
If you find an end card into a pancake later and I'm missing,
you know what's happening.
That'll do it for this episode of Doughboys.
Until next time, for The Spoon Man, Mike Mitchell,
I'm Nick Weiger. Happy eating.
See ya.
I'm your host, John Early.
And I'm your host, Claudia.
Or Jordy.
That's okay.
Hey, buddy. Want Doughboys merch?
We're talking hats, shirts, sweatshirts,
patches, glasses, all sorts of stuff.
Aprons.
It's all available at kinshipgoods.com slash
doughboys. That's kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys.
That's kinshipgoods.com slash doughboys.
Sources for the intro are in the episode description.
That was a hate gum podcast.