Doughboys - UNLOCKED: Gorko's Planet Clergmas Spectacular
Episode Date: December 21, 2023Unlocked and Free for all! It's the Doughboys 2022 Holiday Special! Gorko's Planet Clergmas Spectacular! After Mitch gifts Wiger a Gorko for Christmas, they learn that Gorko is in danger and ...must return to his home planet before Clergmas.Starring:Griffin Newman, David Sims, Marisa Pinson, Nick Wiger, Jordan Morris, Mike Mitchell, Evan Susser, Paul Rust, Carl Tart, Jon Gabrus, Amelia Marino, Robert Persinger, Yusong Liu, Sam Seagroves, Emma Erdbrink, Zach Cherry, Betsy Sodaro, Mano Agapion, Mookie Blaiklock, Neil Campbell, Mike Hanford, Jefferson Dutton, Tim Kalpakis, and Matt KowalickOriginal musical accompaniment by Yusong LiuWritten by me. And maybe Evan Susser a little bitEdited and directed and only listenable because of Emma ErdbrinkTo get more Doughboys Double go to patreon.com/doughboysSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a Headgun Podcast. B&B has been my go-to place for finding the perfect accommodations. Because with hotels, you often don't have the luxury of extra space or privacy.
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This week's episode is an unlocked edition of the Do-Boys Double.
Subscribe at patreon.com slash do-boys to get the Do-Boys Double every Tuesday plus our entire
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Join the Goldener Platinum Play Club at patreon.com slash doeboys.
That's patreon.com slash doeboys. Right Jack with Griffin and David don't know what to say or to expect
All you need to know is that the name of the show is my
Clarke mess is the time that Gorko's give podcasts to the universe. Yeah, that's what you picked
That's what I picked. I look like does this special have any good lines in it? I don't know, and the IMDB is sparse.
Baron.
Not much there.
It doesn't even exist, it's just called the MBD for some reason.
If you look up this special, look.
This is Blind Check with Griffin, David.
I'm Griffin.
I'm David.
This is a podcast where we talk about some fucking Christmas
special.
Look, today we're talking about Gorko's plan.
Yeah.
You might remember, the beloved puppet sitcom
it premiered in the 80s on ABC.
Using the word beloved generously.
I'm doing my best here.
Okay, it was part of their fame T.J.F lineup.
And the A's.
Yeah, now you might know Gorko's plan
at mostly from references on the fast food
and chain restaurant review podcast Doe Boys,
which we love we talk about a lot.
Great, great, best show.
Best podcast of all time.
Nick Wiger, who's one of the two chubby fox who hosts that show, worked as a writer on
Gorko's planet in the 80s.
In the 80s because he's an old piece of shit.
And later also wrote on its reboot.
You don't, you really love the podcast and yeah anyway he's old he's fair he's very he's very old
mm-hmm now wiger who's a relative unknown and he's an uncharismatic man it's not really yeah
energizing as a performer and as far as I know it doesn't even enjoy acting seems to hate it
complains about it publicly all the time yes but bafflingly he is starring in this new holiday
movie version of the show they're rebooting it as a vehicle for him.
I don't really know who made that decision.
That feels like maybe a chaperque on the way out.
Yeah, right, right.
Just kind of a Hail Mary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I maybe I misunderstood this.
His podcasting partner also was in the film, right?
That is Mitch who's also in a movie.
Yeah, he's got host, he's a big part of the movie too.
Yes, anyway, Gorgos Planet released this very strange holiday feature film this year,
competing with the likes of Lindsey Lohan, Ryan Rounds will Ferrell, of course, people
who have made iconic, perfect Christmas movies that are as legitimate as anything theatrical.
Highly rewatchable.
Brenna Frazier, of course.
This Christmas.
The ultimate Christmas film.
Right, the whale.
Right, the whale.
And then all of the Navi and the Space Whales.
No spoilers.
No spoilers.
You might notice, we noticed the plot of this movie is very clearly lifted right from
Gremlin, the Jordanian.
Yes, it's basically a carbon copy.
We got to do Joe Dante.
We got to do Joe Dante.
I don't know why we're doing this.
I don't need that.
I don't need that.
Absolutely. This feels like a real waste of time. But the weird thing. I don't know why we're doing this and I don't need that. Absolutely, this feels like a real waste of time.
But the weird thing, I don't know if you felt this way.
It feels to me like the writers didn't even
rewatch Gremlins, like they were riffing on Gremlins
from their memory of probably watching Gremlins
at three o'clock in the morning, 10 years ago,
or like at a sleepover in the 90s anyway.
And then at some point it feels like they've like
reached the bottom of the barrel
of their Gremlins reference points and they just start tossing an E.T. shit. Right. There's a bunch of E.T. references. It's very meta
It's also small and from the 80s, I guess. Yeah, really. I mean look one of the writers from the show stars in the movie
Right and and then and the show exists in the universe in the movies universe
Like in the movies universe
The voice sounds good. No, it's quite bad. Right. But we're given too much away.
So we're going to do what we always do here on blank check, which is play the movie for
you in its entirety.
Our thing is normal format for us.
People can play in about our show being so long and I think they don't understand.
We do a little intro.
Just a little.
We want to talk like 10 minutes.
Just play the show audio only.
Audio only.
Yes.
Or the movie, whatever it is.
And that's the show.
And we come back at the end.
We'll be at the end.
People like this.
We'll finish it up.
That's of course the promise of the promise.
So I guess right without further ado,
Gorko's planet, Klergmas spectacular.
In case you were wondering,
Klergmas is Christmas For Gorko's Pete.
Yes. Like we said, it's quite bad.
It's dog-shat. Enjoy.
Enjoy. It's the 2022 Doe Boys Holiday Special.
Written by me and only me, Mike the Spoon Man Mitchell.
And maybe some help from Evan Susser and a bunch of improvisers.
Directed, edited and made possible by Emma Erdbrick.
Original music by Yu-Song-ong Liu and the Stoppy Boys.
Starring in Order of Appearance, Griffin Newman, David Sims,
Marissa Pinson, Nick the Burger Boy Wigher, Jordan Morris,
Mike the Spoon Man Mitchell, the Commissioner, Evan Susser, Carl Tart, Paul Rust as
Gorko, John Gabrielis, Amelia Marino, Yusong Lu, the drop-kang Robert
Persinger, Sam Fish, Seagroves, Emma Erdbrink, Zach Cherry, Mato Agapi, Betsy Siddharro, Wally Mitchell, Irma Mitchell,
Michael Mukibleglock, the sloppy boys, Tim Calpacas, Mike Hanford, and Jeff Dunn.
Neil Campbell, an introducing Matt Kawhalik.
Special thanks to Emma Erdbrink, the Commissioner Evan Susser, Paul Rust,
Wally Nerm, Anya Connevskaia,
Rochelle Chen, and Headgum Studios.
And of course, Nick, the burger boy, Wiker.
All right everybody, that's a season wrap
on Gorko's Planet.
Happy holidays to you all, time to party!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Hey, Season!
Hey, hey!
And hey, I really love this show and love this staff,
and I just wanna ask one thing of all of you,
if any of you ever has a podcast, please, please,
don't make Gorkos Planet a running joke on it.
It would be pretty disrespectful for a job
that you were seemingly really enjoyed
and we're very grateful to have.
So letting it become a running joke
and allowing your co-host to make fun of it
would just be weird
And that's all okay Merry Christmas everybody very Christmas
Hey
Congrats on another season likes thanks buddy
Hey another one down got a got to feel good about that, huh? Yes
Jesus Hey, another one down. Gotta feel good about that, huh? Yes. Jesus, I'm gonna call my lawyer.
Can you get out?
Just looking at me.
I don't know what to do.
He doesn't, oh, God.
Do you like this amount of eye contact?
More or less?
I don't, yeah, great.
Keep on, I mean, you're just kind of sitting there making a
lips backing noise I could see your hands moving around in your pockets what
are you what are you doing in the pockets Jordan I'm on the new season you two
Marissa I was just sitting here having a little debrief with Y.
Oh, yeah, Yger, congrats to you as well.
Thanks, buddy.
God.
He could put his own ponytail in his mouth now.
Oh, God, he's sucking on the end of his ponytail.
He's sucking on the end of his pony.
I think it's an Avatar reference.
I think he thinks it's an Avatar reference.
Because they think it's his long blue tail.
I think so.
Jesus.
It's like an Avatar.
Yeah, we kind of assumed.
Talk about Avatar a lot.
I got the Avatar blues.
What are the Avatar blues?
Well, I saw Avatar the way of water.
And I realized I can never live there.
I can never actually go to Pandora and be a Navi.
So I got the Avatar Blues.
Now, you might say the Navi have the Avatar Blues
because they are blue, but that's not what I mean.
Those aren't the Avatar Blues I'm talking about.
I'm talking about emotionally, how I feel.
Man, maybe this doesn't good if you have to explain it so much.
I mean, maybe you don't lean on this Avatar Blues thing.
It's good.
I've overheard a few conversations he's had throughout the party and all of them have
been about the Avatar Blues.
So I think this is kind of like his running conversation.
Yeah, I'm why he says it and then he explains it for ten minutes.
I don't know.
Okay, so I mean, it's like the least weird thing about this guy.
So I don't know why we're harping on this Avatar Blues.
Yeah, it's like kind of like the only popular thing he likes. That's true.
Yeah. Well, that's not true. I've also got in this game called Pintament. It's a
role-playing game where you're a monk in 16th century Bavaria. See, there's been
a murder at the monastery and the clues lie in this illuminated manuscript that
you can't find over. As much as I would love to hear more about this unfun video game,
are you all right? You seem really depressed in the writers room this season, like, more so than usual.
Never been happier at the time of my life. Oh.
Why, Greg, you never, like, we've all written in the trenches with this show, you know, making
another great season of Gorkos Planet and like great season.
Great season, by the way.
It's a good show.
And, you know, like we, you know, kind of part of the writers room chemistry is like bonding.
So right.
Remember when we, when we had that kickball league, oh, that was so fun.
It generated all these great, in fact, jokes,
all these kind of fun.
We even used a lot of it on the show.
Yeah, so it wasn't just just just bonding.
It was also like really helpful for the greater process.
Rest of you like comfortable opening up to each other.
Yeah, and whenever we would invite you to kickball,
you just said you were going home to compare lengths of pipe.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's interesting to see that if pressure or,
you know, temperature can affect how long a pipe is, you know, you're measure, you're
referenced to the kickball league, made me realize, remember, I've been meaning to play
this game called a soccer story. Now, it's an RPG that's also developed by an indie studio
where you're a soccer player kicking a
ball around. People don't want
the game to be fun anymore. It seems
like they could just be doing the
real thing like from the game. Like
you could just like be running a
gas station or playing on a soccer
team. Right. Or being a divorcee who
unpacks. It's like dooming sis.
There's so many doom. Yeah.
Did you play your did you play unpacking? No, that game is great. Oh my god. It's a game
about unpacking. You're a depressed divorcee who unpacks. What horizon zero dawn
exists? You can draw it through a technical fantasy world. Why would you run a
coffee shop and try and romance the bats?
You could do, sorry, just a, maybe I'm too into video games, okay?
So Jordan, what are you gonna do for the holidays?
Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna like head home to see my parents
and yeah, my mom makes this great gingerbread and we're gonna, you know, unwrap presents
and you know, take one of those dorky family photos with the sweaters.
That sounds awesome.
It's embarrassing but we secretly like it.
Of course.
Yeah.
Wigger, what are you doing?
Well my family's having a little Christmas get together in San Diego.
So that is, that was going to swing by that.
Oh.
And while I get the house to myself, I'm going to play this game called Immortality.
Now it's a game where you watch a bunch of clips of an actress who's mysteriously
disappeared. Now the interactivity fully like consists of scrubbing through clips
of video. So you're just playing and rewinding. This is all trying to isolate
individual lines of dialogue too. There's a new God of war out. There's a new God of
war out where you do stuff. You fight with and then people are there's not even a clear resolution. It's just more about
you know kind of coming to understand the first. What is in the marriage for
Navi? I'm gonna put this out there and this is a little craft. Is she just a
size queen? Is that all? That's important. She's hog hungry and she'll I don't
know. I don't know. It's a theory. It's a theory. It's a theory. Do you guys have an avatar?
Jesus Christ. No, nobody does we don't really. Can you like the movie?
But you say it gives you the blues. It's it's confusing you like the movie makes you sad. Yeah, don't watch it. Yeah, right. This would be place you didn't like Avatar
and said, I have the Avatar blues.
That track.
That tracks you.
At least it makes sense.
But you love the movie.
It's dumb and incongruent.
Yeah.
You guys are my best writers.
God.
I think he's telling the truth, which is sad.
You know, I think he is, too.
So you guys coming out to celebrate,
we're gonna do a Christmas pop girl.
I'm gonna head straight home.
Bye, Jordan. Bye, Marissa.
Bye, wiger.
Hi. See you on the first day of next season.
Well, should we go to the bar?
Yes, me getting drunk would help.
That would definitely be a start. nd nd nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd nd Ah, finally home. Time to play a little Marvel snap and heat up some salad.
Here we go. Get my long-going deck.
Wikes Merry Christmas!
Mitch, what a surprise. Why are you here?
I come bearing gifts, my boy.
And hey, I never even seen your place before.
Nearly 20 years of friendship and a decade working relationship.
And I've yet to step foot inside your home.
Mind if I step inside?
I guess.
Okay, I thought you'd be a little more welcoming after what I just said, but...
Wow! It's a... Interesting. I thought you'd be a little more welcoming after what I just said, but wow!
It's uh... interesting.
Kinda looks like they, you know, filmed the majority of that movie saw in your apartment.
Yeah, I guess it's possible. Yeah, they filmed saw in my apartment.
Well, it's a nice place, Wise, and honestly, I kind of hope they didn't shoot Sawyer.
Jigsaw, you know, he's not here, is he?
No, Jigsaw's not here.
I saw a tricycle in the corner,
but I'm just guessing that's yours.
Yeah, that's just my tricycle.
It's my everyday tricycle.
Oh, it's a Peloton tricycle?
Yeah, then you gotta get on the tricycle.
Great tricycle classes.
They give tricycle classes on Peloton?
They really challenge you. You get really get a burn on the trite classes. They give trite classes on Pelletown? They really challenge you.
You get really get a burn on the tricycle.
Okay.
Is it like little kid trainers?
Is it baby trainers?
Or is it...
They're baby versions of existing trainers.
Okay, well, now it opens up more questions.
Okay, well, there's, there's, okay, you know, I get it.
It'd be like a Cheebie Leanne Haines bee.
So, she'll have like a big head,
be talking to baby boys.
Okay, so it is actually her, but they like put like a filter on.
Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know this tech works.
I think you're saying like a Muppet babies. They like had somehow cloned these people.
Well, I don't maybe that's what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing over at Peloton HQ.
I just know I love the tri-grides.
All right, well, maybe I'll look into it. But look, I got a lot of gifts to deliver tonight.
But none are as special as what I brought you wigs.
Here.
Got a lot of gifts to deliver tonight.
You just give me that look like you think I'm fucking Santa.
I don't know.
I just...
I don't fucking see it.
Big guy.
A lot of gifts.
My beard is dyed white.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm not special.
I'm not special. I got it. I have a don't know. I was just a specialist. I'm not scared, okay.
I get it.
I have a white beard, yes, it's true, but yeah.
I don't really want to tell you why.
Little.
Anyway, thanks buddy, where'd you get this gift from?
Oh, from this really old guy.
So is I get it like a mall?
No, he had like a fantastical shop.
Wow. Anything else you can tell me about him?
Nope.
There was certainly nothing problematic about him.
Anyway, here's your Christmas present, Likes, a very special gift, a real life Gorko.
What?
A Gorko, like the show I work on?
Yeah.
Turns out they're real.
The shop keep told me all about them.
They're really wonderful little creatures, wigs.
Oh, but there's some rules.
Hold on.
Gorko, the creature from the show I wrote for,
Gorko's planet is real.
You realize that's wild, right?
It's like if you wrote for the Simpsons
and found out Homer was real.
Hello, Nick.
Hey, I'm just popping in.
I was wondering if you and I were going to go get some chocolate frosty milkshakes in
a little bit.
Sure thing, Homer.
Hey, Mo's here.
Hi, Homer.
It's good to go to church.
It certainly is.
And I came here to tell you the doughboys
to remember the holiday season is about Christmas
and church and the birth of Jesus Christ.
You said it, Homer.
Okay, well, time to go.
Bye, Homer. Bye, Mo.
Bye.
Hmm.
I can't believe that's like when the show is its most popular.
Yeah, they like church show was its most popular.
Yeah, they liked church.
Like it's most sight-guisty.
Was like that kind of stuff.
They really just liked church?
Yeah, they were just like nice men who went to church.
Like episodes were about them skipping church.
It was like a big deal to not go to church.
Well anyways, wags.
I hope you enjoy this present.
And like I said, there's some rules.
Rule number one, don't feed the gorko fast food after midnight.
Food or fast food?
Specifically fast food.
You won't like what happens.
That's the most important one.
Rule two, don't get the gorkos wet.
I can't touch water.
No, it can't get horny.
Third rule, don't let it listen to your podcast.
It'll kill him.
Listen to the podcast, we'll kill him.
Yeah, I assume so.
It's bad, it's a bad show.
Wait, it can't listen to Doe Boy's or get played?
Neither.
Anyways, Bugs, he's taking a nap now
when he wakes up.
Just remember the rules.
Gorko.
Gorko. Hey, Marco. Go, Marco.
Hey, Mitch, I know you see me as something of a scrooge,
but you're my buddy, and I got you a gift, too.
Oh, Fikes.
Yeah, go ahead, open it up.
Oh my God.
Fikes, this was number one on my list.
It's that DVD he asked me to get you,
that documentary from Amazon.
Yeah, I know a certain former Celtic who is a big fan.
You know, I don't like him anymore, but I love his movie wrecks.
Well, should we put it in?
Hell yeah, we should. I can't think of a better thing to do.
Then watch this interesting documentary.
Yeah. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in the news lately and the fact that the doboys haven't made any sort of statement in support of the Jews.
Statement.
Look, next year, Obi-Hanaka special, Nick Wink.
This is the last one.
Alright, well, if next year's gonna be the Hanukkah special, I feel great about it.
In fact, I'll actually be excited to write it for real.
Wow.
I'm not just saying it.
Wow. So anyway, happy Hanukkah. Let's watch this great movie. But before you do, does anyone want to say the title out loud?
No.
Okay.
I brought you guys some gifts too.
Wow, Hanukkah gifts.
Wow.
It's a Hanukkah miracle.
I brought you a dreidel.
Which is a, well, it's a spinning top which has Hebrew letters.
And I brought you a dreidel, which is a...
What?
Well, it's a spinning top, which has Hebrew letters on it.
I brought you a menorah, which is kind of like a...
It's like a candle-abra kind of thing that you can use.
Okay, like Liberace.
Yeah, yeah.
I brought you a ugly Hanukkah sweater, which is a sad Jewish attempt to steal something
that's Christmassy and make it Jewish.
Ugly what sweater?
And ugly Hanukkah sweater.
Huh?
Huh?
Well, you can understand it.
I mean, come on guys, it's not that boring.
Yeah, you know, I got it.
I was confused like wags on a lot of this stuff,
but it seems you've thought to not understand
what Hanukkah is.
Yeah. What? I mean, come understand what Hanukkah is. Yeah.
What?
I mean, come on.
I gotta ask you, you slipped and hit your head recently.
Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm doing great.
Never been better.
I like the podcast, it's good.
Oh no, it seems like a bad sign.
Wags literally slipped and hit his head recently.
Sus, I gotta ask you, yeah. I guess I'm just gonna tell you. These Hanukkah gifts kind of suck, right?
Yeah. Hanukkah kind of sucks. Oh. Wow. What is it? It's the most important holiday for your people?
No. Yeah, it's the number one Jewish holiday, right? Oh, doh boys. When will you ever learn about
my people? Look, thank you for all these gifts. I thought they were. Yeah, this is so nice, so generous.
Yeah, I mean, do you guys have any gifts for me?
Not a surprise.
Well, all right, well, see you next year.
You two weirdos.
Bye, Sessor.
Yeah, see you, Sess.
Show them.
Huh?
Wags, a happy holidays, buddy. It was good to see ya.
Happy holidays, my good man.
See you at the final deal, boys. Record of the year.
All right.
Ah, thank God they're gone. It's gotten so late. It's almost 8 p.m.
Ah, man, my salad is ruined. It got to room temp.
Oh, just throw it in the trash and get some Del Taco delivered.
Alright, time to watch this documentary.
Oh, really interesting stuff.
They could be sleepy though. Hmm. Hmm.
Very falling asleep. Mimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimim Oh, is that the doorbell? Must have passed out.
Hi!
Nick Wiker? Oh, what's up? I'm the postman's guy. I got some foods to deliver to you.
Wow, thanks, buddy. Hmm. I thought the postman's guy. I got some foods delivered to you. Wow, thanks buddy.
Hmm.
I'm only thinking about it.
Probably shouldn't have this food in the house.
What?
That's weird.
You ordered it to your house.
Why don't you want to take it?
I just, if it's inside, you know,
a certain creature could get its hands on it.
You have to take this.
I can't, you ordered so much beyond food
from Del Taco is really stinging up my car.
I cannot keep it in my car.
Well, yeah, that piece of smells really lakers, yeah.
The DMP protein.
And also, I'm required by law to give you this food.
Or I could be sent to jail for, for thief.
You can be sent to jail for thief
for not giving me my food?
Yes, because you pay for it.
This is your property, technically. Okay, well, well's what we just want you to put it on the ground
and we'll consider it like I'll just leave it on the porch.
I am required by law to put it in your hands.
If I put it on the ground, I could go to jail for loiter.
So you're saying like whoever you deliver it to,
you have to make sure that it goes in their hands
or else you get jail for loiter or possibly thief as well.
Yes, I have to see you eat it. Wait, so if I've gotten postmates in their hands, or else you get in jail for Lloyd or possibly Thief as well. Yeah, I have to see you eat it.
Wait, so if I've gotten postmates in the past,
they've been like watching me eat through binoculars.
We all go around the back of the house
to your bathroom window and just kinda,
you kinda sit under the window.
It's perverse.
Feel like it's nothing perverse.
There's nothing perverse about it.
We don't watch you do it.
Come on, we're not creeps.
We're postmates, guys.
Okay. Man, I've been doing this for a long time we're not creeps, we're postmates, guys. Okay.
Man, I've been doing this for a long time, man.
I know how to do my job, okay?
I trust you.
I'm just like, this is the kind of granular detail
about your profession that I'm just not aware of.
Do you remember when Del Taco used to also be nuggles?
So this is the thing I actually learned
in the context of the podcast because I didn't know about this,
but yeah, that was like the original Del Taco.
I think I think.
I think.
Oh, God bless you.
I didn't know.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, the origin, I think it was a ripoff of noggles.
That's my understanding.
Well, the guy who owned noggles bought Del Tacos
or Del Taco bought noggles.
They kind of merged in like 1988.
Yeah, I just got to say, you get this comprehensive in like 1988. You know, I just gotta say,
you get this comprehensive fast food knowledge,
you clearly have the gift of gab,
you're a fantastic talker.
It's making me realize in podcasting
it's not who does it best, it's who does it first,
and that's the advantage that Doe Boys had,
is that we were just first, we were not the best,
but yeah, but you would have been great at it.
Trust me, I wanted to do the podcast
before y'all started doing it.
That was gonna be my thing.
Oh man.
But I did not, but I, you know, I wasn't proactive,
I didn't make it over to guitar center
to get the kit to record.
And I didn't wanna record on my phone, you know,
voice memo.
Yeah.
I'm not really, I'm not really tech heavy,
but I do know, man, I'm all over this city
dealing with food.
I'm all over this city. So food. I'm all over this city.
So many podcasters, do y'all not leave the house?
Because I'm delivering the podcasters all the time.
Do y'all never leave your houses?
Well, I mean, I got like my microphones at home.
And so yeah, I'm just like basically in my office
recording and then if I got a hundred
of sword or something, so.
Yeah, long way to say yes.
This is not my first rodeo. This is not my first rodeo.
This is not my first delivery rodeo.
I've delivered to more podcasters than you can ever imagine.
I delivered to Joe Rogan.
Wow.
Yeah, I delivered him a bunch of athletic greens.
That's exactly the kind of thing that he would order.
I delivered to Sean and Hayes.
Wow, the handbook guys.
And they were very condescending to me,
but tipped me 200%.
Yeah, that tracks.
You ever listen to the flagrant ones?
Never heard of it.
Hmm.
You ever delivered a Marin?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I always deliver in a Marin.
And he always, like, he screams, lock the gates.
Every time I'm like coming up to do it,
and I'm like, that doesn't help me.
Yeah, that makes me like, I'm here. Yeah, that makes me here and if you want me to come in and play the food like unlock the gates
Right so I can get in
By the way, can I get that set up?
Is there like a checkbox on the app where I can get that where you come in and set up the food for me?
Oh, I don't know. I mean maybe if you linked it to your business account through dobo
I know you guys make quite a bit of money on the Patreon
but I that that might help,
it's kind of like Uber Excel.
It actually is called PostMase Excel.
You also have to be like over six one to do it.
Oh wow.
So it's like getting verified.
Like it's like you kind of have to be an elite
for that to happen.
Yeah, yeah, it's a blue check
That you can pay $8 for but
You know, it's not cool to do that. Yeah, you don't want to be someone who's who is a paid subscriber Yeah, it wants to do that you want to you want to get invited to the club. You don't want to buy your way in right?
I delivered the micro Vic
Wow
Yeah, that was really cool. Here's the thing with Mike Vic
And I'm interested in your take like oh no if you like Wow. Yeah, that was really cool. Here's the thing with Mike Vic.
And I'm interested in your take, like, Oh, no.
If you, like, if you don't want to say,
if you want to say, like, I'm still mad at Michael Vic,
you just don't believe in redemption.
You just don't believe that someone could possibly
atone for something because he did absolutely everything
that is supposed to, that was asked of him.
I'm glad you said that first.
Yeah, not defending what he did.
Well, yeah, we live in a time where there is no black or white,
there's no nuance.
Right.
Everybody either has to be pro 100% or con 100%.
So yeah, and then the idea of like once, like,
like, hey, you've been, you've been shamed.
Now that's, we want you to stay there.
Like, like, there's, there's nothing you can do to crawl
out of that pit.
Like, army hammer, people still haven't forgiven him
for the cannibal stuff.
It's just like, if you're still met at Army Hammer,
what are we doing here?
I delivered to him.
You delivered him?
Yeah.
Wow, what was he like?
When he walked to the door, he tripped
and doused me in barbecue songs.
But there was nothing to trip on.
Oh, yeah, it was intentional, I'm sure.
You think so?
I think so, I think he was probably like,
I'm ordering postmates,
but I really want the postmates guy.
That's what I'm ordering.
And all he ordered was a bunch of fries.
Yeah.
He made me go to like five different restaurants.
I had to get KFC's Seeker recipe fries,
original recipe fries. I had to go
by, I had to find a rallies, which is very hard in Los Angeles, and then I ended up doing,
was just going to the grocery store and getting frozen section rallies fries and taking them home
and throwing them in the air fryer. Smart. McDonald's fries, Burger King fries, which have always been
pretty good. And people kind of don't get Burger King fries their flowers. We're on the same page here totally great. BK
fries are underrated. Anyway, so he trips and doubts me in barbecue sauce and I was
pretty upset because I was wearing a cool outfit. Yeah, and he was just like, oh
I'm so sorry, let me get that off of you.
And he licked me clean.
Yeah.
Now that's stopping.
Army hammer.
Now I got a story.
Right.
Yeah, now you can say that to everyone.
Daddy, did he tip well?
22%.
Ah, not great.
Great.
Yeah, that's not great.
But he did lick me clean.
So I guess that's a pretty good tip.
Yeah, I guess so, if you liked it.
Wait a second, wait a minute, what is that?
What the hell was that thing?
Is that a, is that a gorko?
Yeah, that is a gorko.
How the hell did you guess that?
Oh, I watched the show that you write for.
You've seen gorko's Planet?
Yeah.
Wow.
That show I think was kind of got a lot of critical buzz
and then was just kind of criminally underseen.
But you know, I'll run into people who are be like,
hey, I really enjoy Gorko's Planet.
I was a huge fan.
And- Oh, God bless you.
I always root for the underdog.
And that's an underdog show.
Most people are watching Beakman's World,
but I'm watching Gorko's Planet.
Well, thank you. Thank you so much. We still haven't heard about another season renewal. Hopefully it will happen. Fingers crossed. Wait, it's eating the fast food. That's
room number one, Nick. You can't let it eat fast food. You wrote this. Oh my God. I've got to get
out of here. Zero stars for you. Zero stars. Oh, man. No, Gorko. Bad gorko. Put down the fast food gorko. Gorko.
Oh my god. What the whole thing?
Hi, it's me. Gorko, I can talk now that I ate fast food.
Wait, what?
If I eat fast food after midnight, it grants me the ability of speech.
That's what happens if you break the rule.
I haven't seen that bad.
In fact, it seems like a good thing.
Well, I'm really fucking annoying.
Oh no.
It's true.
All of my species is annoying.
Well, still, I mean, the talking alien is pretty cool.
I mean, you can't be all that annoying.
Sure, I'm sure you got some quirks versus a regular human, but...
Give it a few minutes!
It will become great, and I assure you.
I mean, all it may even now just do voices like a little grating.
And particularly, you think about it...
20 minutes from now.
Right, but what you're saying isn't particularly annoying.
You know, you just sort of seem to be saying normal stuff.
You can hold a conversation.
My favorite band is Santana.
Okay, I mean, I guess it's a little annoying, but I think that's still okay.
When I found my weird little body. Yeah, close. Yeah, but I think that's still okay. When it family weird little body.
Yeah, gross.
Yeah, I mean, that's gross.
Party your character design.
You're sort of meant to be a little bit monstrous,
but I don't know.
You know what, Gorko?
I think we can get along.
No, people say that about ET.
Oh, he's weird looking, but kind of cute.
I'm just straight up.
Stickin' in!
Stickin' in!
Where are you oozing from?
Slime.
Oozine slime from slime.
So you have slime that's oozing other slime? Mmm.
Oh, different food.
Oh, slime coming from my body.
Oh, god. Okay.
See, I warned you.
Yeah, this is a this is annoying and gross.
You did you ever have a gorko?
Did I ever have a gorko?
What does that mean?
Have you ever met a gorko before?
Oh, have I ever met a gorko? No, I have, you know, I worked on a gorko? What does that mean? Have you ever met a Gorko before? Oh have I ever met a Gorko? No I
I I've you know I worked on a Gorko's planet the TV show. Oh I'm familiar. Did you find it in
salt thing or something? You think we liked it? Well I don't know I thought we kind of made you
kind of cute and you know yeah too cute zero cute. Zero slime. Where was the slime?
Okay, but you got to understand.
It was the slime.
The target demographic was like families.
And yeah, we could have included some like slime gross out
stuff, you know, but we still wanted this to be like a show
parents could watch with kids of all ages.
We didn't want to be, you know, weird.
It should have been hard and see 17 now for six
for horror the horror
slime
Oh, it's a pretty good show. I'd give it a B if I just took the
Okay, part out of it and as a
Entertainment yeah, it's kind of I mean the Gorko part out of it as an entertainment.
Yeah, it's kind of, I mean,
the Gorca part's kind of central,
but I get what you're saying,
but I wanna go back to something.
You said your favorite band is Santana.
You know NC17, so you understand
like the MPA rating system.
Have you just been absorbing
like American pop culture and space?
I wish.
Those are the only two bits of entertainment. We've gotten
on planet home.
Brief.
Santana and horror movies rated NC 17. All Santana albums. Okay.
The discography and all NC 17 movies. There's a got it. Doesn't or so. So like the dreamers
The dreamers. Yeah, that's a good one
I believe Santa San Gray. I think is NC 17. We didn't watch that one very much
Well, it's I mean if it's one of the few options you have you probably would have watched it some point
Everything you're too busy listening to
to watch it at some point. From your too busy listening to me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me people would drop some deep cuts they wouldn't be like oh yeah the smooth comp you know are you a collaboration with Rob Thomas I'm just saying it's
like you know it's it's it's like I'll what's your favorite Nirvana song oh you
know the their biggest hit you wouldn't know that reference Nirvana biggest hit I
know not Nirvana I know know fun, I know!
What's your favorite DMB song?
Ants marching, that's like saying that.
Ants marching, that doesn't sound like a song.
That sounds like a ruined space picnic.
Hey,, listen! Would you listen! Now that I can talk,
I can tell you that I am in danger.
You gotta help me!
With what, Gorko? What's going on?
I need to get back to my planet.
Home, Reef!
Yes, my planet!
Home, Reef!
Hmm. Right. If I don't get back before a clerk this day, Yes, my planet, hold, reef.
Mm.
Right.
If I don't get back before a third Miss Day,
mm, woo, woo, woo, woo.
I'll die.
Wait, I thought if you listened to my podcast, you'd die.
That's Rule Three.
Oh, can it be both?
We don't, uh, that kills me, and, you know, some other stuff kills me.
Like, rock-a-propeled grenades.
Yeah.
Guns, knives, and news.
Zoom any blade, like a...
Any blade.
Oh, any blade.
Rodsword or katana.
Piss.
Warm cream.
Wait, you just kind of threw piss in there?
Like in the middle, is it your second example?
Yep, piss.
And more.
Piss kills you.
Piss.
Like if it makes contact with your skin?
Oh, I'll die immediately.
Oh my God.
And it kills me.
Well, you get, you should be,
you can just stay away from,
men's rooms and stay away from dogs, I think.
Yeah, and then why don't I also just stay away from men's rooms and stay away from dogs, I think. Yeah, and then why don't I also just stay away from trees?
Well, I mean, honestly, it might not be a bad idea
because dogs like to pee on trees.
They should, oh, dog pee is fine though.
Dog pee is fine.
Dog pee is just fine.
Interesting.
It seems like all these things kill you
then why is listening to my podcast the third rule?
I don't know. It's funny though.
I guess.
Well look, it gets worse. There are a lot of people after me.
Who, who could be after you?
Evil scientist!
Like...
...whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo- Fouty hold on he's evil he's the most evil man living on the planet
at this moment
also the FBI and
women Women can get enough of Gorko
Everybody wants Gorko
Mama weird
buddy Everybody wants Gorko. Come on, we're buddy!
And you're slime, I assume.
Oh, the brats see the slime.
They'll leave him running over.
They're slipping in the slime.
They're running over so fast.
They see in you, they see like,
oh, there's status and stability, I can-
Husband Materials.
Yeah, let me put a ring on it.
Too bad I don't have fingers
Just pulsating veins. Oh God those are just veins those are just protruding veins look like appendages
I make them swollen to look like fingers went around human so it doesn't just consult them
So that canna root beer you're holding,
you're holding that with veins.
Just a bunch of veins.
By the way, should you be holding that root beer,
does root beer kill you?
Yeah, give it to me, I'll take it.
I thought it was pissed.
Well, also, well, pissed also kills you,
you should be drinking a can of piss either.
What's barks? What's barks?
What's barks? Uh, it's a root beer.
It's a R-U-S.
Yeah, it's a root beer brand.
There's barks as the big one.
It's a big, the whole thing with barks is they're like, it has bite.
It's like a little bit, you know, I think maybe more acidic than the regular,
the regular root beer.
It's got a little bit sharpness to it.
Mmm.
Gorko's getting horny.
Oh, your veins are hard.
Your veins are standing up.
Yeah, but it's also a lot of fear.
I'm scared of those guys who are coming after me.
They want Gorko for testing.
And like my skin has secrets,
valuable secrets my skin can cure all diseases.
Nick?
The slime.
The slime is like a miracle cure for everything.
That's why you keep drinking it.
Precisely.
The slime is a miracle cure.
That's why I keep drinking it.
And maybe you should just turn yourself in.
I mean, you could do a lot of good.
No, no, no.
No, excuse me, that might be your purpose.
No, my sister creates a dream of chrome.
Now Hillary and the Hollywood elites are after me.
Oh, no.
Martha Stewart.
Hold on.
That bitch is a Hollywood elite.
Mm-hmm.
She wants to cook, he doesn't she?
Yeah, and she runs after me sometimes.
I'll say, what, you want to cook me
and put me in a scrapbook?
Let me guess.
What?
Snoop Dogg.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's trying to smoke me.
You went to my high school, long beach polytechnic.
Cool.
Anybody else go there?
Cameron Diaz.
She's a Hollywood elite.
Only when she's wearing the mask.
Who knows who's also after me and a member of the Hollywood elite?
Branch, two little Kip!
Branch, two Kip?
Yeah, we don't even have the... who else, who else?
Who else, who else? It's not like Jay Leno.
Jay Leno's after me?
He just burned his famous chin.
Yeah, he keeps him sesame and I have pointment he needs.
Oh.
He is good for my chin.
My voice is similar.
He says to me.
That's a good Leno.
That's just my normal voice.
Wait, do you mean to tell me this whole time?
Leno has been doing an impression of a Gorko.
Yeah, he pays me 10%.
Wow.
But not for many of us tonight's show money.
Yeah.
Do you know how fast?
Was that a complete thought? Do you know how fast? Was that a complete thought do you know how fast?
I was just trying to say do you know how fast blank can run when he's after some adrenal chrome and it was gonna be
That's the liberty, but I do want to name names of right when you also don't know very many celebrities, because really you're only, you know.
It gets narrowed down for public celebrities
and I don't know celebrities or anything.
Q and on.
Rob Thomas.
Channing iceberg.
Channing iceberg.
Channing taders.
Do you mean Channing glacier?
I'm not even with...
Channing glacieracier? Channing Glacier, yes.
Call him Channing Iceberg, name's Channing Glacier.
I got so much adrenaline from...
Uh-uh.
You're in copy, I got the slide.
Oh, Gorko, you don't look so hot.
I need to sit down or meditate for a bit.
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That's cute.
And can you upload like a little silly cheeky message?
Like, help, I'm trapped in the photo frame.
I guess you could do that.
I don't think anyone would like it.
Because it looks like kind of like a weird cry for help.
They'd rather just see pictures of love
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And they don't even want to see me.
That's fair actually.
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Open up! Open up at the FBI! We have this whole building surrounded!
Oh no! They're here! You gotta save me, Wiker!
building surrounded oh no they're here you gotta save me wiger Gorko the FBI is after you
you can't just you want me to just buzz you in can't just buzz you in I mean
that's good that I can put that in the report that you were you were cooperating okay great great open the door Jesus fuck do you have any ice? Holy shit. I do yeah I do have ice.
Stay away from Corco. He's my friend. Oh Corco you have no idea how bad that makes you seem. God damn it
hold on everyone no one move. Myself included. I didn't realize how many fucking flights it stairs you guys had.
I stopped counting at seven.
Stairs.
Didn't even get into flights.
Who are you, famous stair-haver micrometal?
Someone, well I'm sure it's Dr. Tollum
that moving on the first floor of place.
Oh, Jesus, what the fuck is going on in here?
Well look, there's an apartment building.
I mean, there's flights of stairs.
Well I'm sorry you live in this place? I live in this building. I mean, there's flights of stairs. I'm sorry, you live in this a place?
I live in this building.
Jesus Christ, this looks like the Texas chain
saw a massacre house.
Post dinner.
Fuck.
Oh, all right.
You, over there by the framed picture of Mindy Kaling
and Gisley Maxwell that's above your root.
What, why do you have this on your mantle?
I was just using it to geolocate where you were.
But what the fuck, man?
It's pronounced Galein.
Galein?
Sorry, I got Gislaens' name wrong.
Weird, that's who you defend.
Well, and so it was defending,
or I just saying that's a apron answer name.
Sorry.
Move over by the fucking frame picture of Galein
and Mindy that you have over your fireplace.
Thank you.
I will.
You know what no one ever talks about?
Maxwell's heavy hangers.
She is a little top heavy, yeah.
She is. Oh, man, I'd like to separate
them like a part-died, uh, I mean, her tits, I mean, and fuck the canyon in the middle. What are you guys
talking about? Oh, okay. Hey, can I ask you a stack of paper here? Manifesto by Eric and Dylan.
Is this the fucking trench code Mafia manifesto that those guys are on? I mean, I was gonna pick your brain as nephew.
I got, is this authentic?
Do you know?
You have it in a loose side case marked near mint.
So I feel like you bought it as a collector or something?
Yeah, I got it on eBay.
Oh, man.
In case Corco, you're a young and not 40 years old,
those are the fucking Columbine shooters' names.
They weren't actually part of the trench coat mafia.
That was a different faction at the school.
Okay, you know what?
I just, it's like they wore trench coats to carry out the attack, but the trench coat mafia
was different group.
If this was the 1960s FBI, I'd be greenlit to shoot you just for saying that.
We shot a guy for saying he had a dream.
Look, Gorko, we gotta get out of here.
Let's get on the fight.
You don't remember them, the doctor, and we shot him because he said he had a dream, dude. I'm not going to be a little bit little bit letters on the back. It's all I fucking be
Hey, if it's yellow letters on blue jackets you like oh
No, I mean confused scuba my boy scuba
You gotta get into scuba. It's that it's true that is a commonality
Yeah, you're right. You're just
thinking about the font on school buses. I really like that font. Yeah. Those tall letters
with not a lot of space between them. All right, enough bullshit with you guys. I'm fucking
guest. I'm mostly just chatting it up because I'm not ready to go back down the stairs.
ready to go back down the stairs. Come back to life a little bit before I have to escort
little ass gorko down the stairs.
Okay, look, what Wally's winded, we got to get you out of here.
Gorko, quick, do you have a bike or better yet in electric bike?
No, Mitch didn't want me to have it so I don't. Oh, man. Mitch is like the anti-neil young.
I heard Neil Young give you an electric bike and Mitch made you throw it.
Yeah, it was a thing.
Some triggering thing from his childhood. He didn't realize electric men.
It doesn't shock you if you're not riding.
Like his bike didn't throw it. This guy cracks me up.
He's really funny.
He's funny. He's a funny FBI agent.
This is a thing though. Like he's turning you.
Oh, my God.
I don't think you should go with the FBI
because you don't know what they're going to do to you.
Dude, I'll tell you what we're going to do.
What the fuck?
My gun just turned into a flashlight.
How the fuck did that happen after the fact?
That's fun. I like everyone can enjoy this now.
I was worried that-
I feel fucking nerfed.
Also earlier when you said, like, you called me
penis breath earlier, and then that just didn't,
we just didn't hear that at all.
That just got taken out.
Yeah, your breath, your breath wreaks of cock, man.
I'm familiar with the smell. Who's
you're probably wondering? No, you're based on that large wink and crotch grin.
Maybe mine. I know. I'm just noticing now you have like a fucking baby swing in there
between your legs. Okay. Wait a minute. Gorko, I'm a peloton freak. Why don't we get on my
peloton? Oh yeah, yeah, let's go on your peloton!
Look, here we go.
Let me clip in.
Oh, yeah, there we go.
Turn on, Louis, pick a class.
All right, Ben, all this.
Pick a class, pick it!
45 minute 80s ride, here we go.
Wow!
It's the 80s time to get ripped off.
Wow!
It's working, we're flying! Wow, it's the 80s time to get ripped off the whole thing. Wow!
It's working! We're flying!
Wow! It's working!
Oh, you're working!
Wow!
It's the metal!
Woo!
Woo!
Everyone's over in the city!
Wow!
Get your ass off that fucking bike.
Guys, it's a stationary bike.
You're not going anywhere.
You're under arrest.
No.
Come with me, you little slime ball.
No.
Literally, you're like covering some kind of slimes.
It's very cute.
It's very slime.
It's like holding a lubed up water snake.
Mostly slime.
You know, there's more slime how are you are you making it?
We can't out of fear he makes it any eats it. It's a whole thing
Gross
Whoa, they're taking me they're taking me the slime isn't working
Gorko Gorko no
Gorko I Gorko, no! Gorko, I have to save him.
Hey, this is, hey, I think there's a typo.
I think this is, sus probably wrote this line.
Uh, it says, save him.
I think it's supposed to be save him.
Do you want me to do it again with save him?
No, it's fine.
Okay.
I'm sad. nd nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنیشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ایشنی ا Hey, happy holidays, everybody, and cheers to the last record of the season.
Amelia.
Happy holidays.
Ghost of Usong.
Another great year.
You said it, buddy.
Drop King.
Find your indeed.
Numbers are up.
Excellent, my boy. Fish?
What a year the snack pack is a rousing success.
It's sure to last for many years to come.
It certainly is.
Also fish you sound great.
Are you calling in from Spotify Live?
Yeah.
And Emma.
Fuck yeah, no more records till the new year.
That's right.
Ooh, okay.
Don't approve of that on the job.
But hell yeah, we were done with this bullshit
till I finish my Quincy sabbatical.
Wait a minute.
Hmm, where's Wikes?
Yeah, where is he?
I mean, it's not unlike him in no show a party,
but it's the last record.
Huh, he must be late again.
This is a pretty common situation, right everyone?
Oh yeah.
All the time.
Uh-huh.
Yes, sir.
Yep.
Alright guys, well, I guess we'll just have to record this episode.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Jesus.
Oh.
Oh.
Bitch. Wigger. Nice to show up for the record. Oh, Jesus. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, for me. Right. Don't tell me it's in your closet already next to the Lakers jacket I got you to.
Mitch is worse. He got kidnapped by the FBI and I just escaped. Oh my god. He's gone forever.
Unlike the snack pack which is here to stay. Yeah, I mean, why would you even bring that up? The
Dolboys snack pack is here to stay. Spotify life is gonna have a big decade. Yeah, Nick, I would buy stock in Spotify life, I could, you know,
what? The only problem is it's not a separate company. It's a part of Spotify,
separate app, which is for Spotify because the Spotify live app and the Doe Boy snack,
I wish I could buy stock in the Doe Boy snack pack.
Well, this look that we know this Doe Boy snack pack is going to endure as an institution
for many years to come, you know, under the thriving Spotify live umbrella. My question is why can't they just they just fold the Spotify app into these superior Spotify live app?
That's because there's two separate apps, but the Spotify live app is so much better and so much easier to use
Here's a pitch for you. Oh, they just make it the Do-Boy snack pack app. Don't you guys agree?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No brain, it's the whole word.
Yeah.
The only problem with that is too many downloads
would break the apps.
Yeah, good point.
You know, someday the snack pack is going to overtake
the podcast anyways.
But until then, we still got to record the episode.
This is the thing.
This is going to have to wait.
Because Gorko is my friend and we need to save him
Nick Gorko we have to save him
Save him yeah, I don't did you mean save him? Yes, us wrote a lot of the script
There's a lot of some tense issues music Alright, Corco, this is where you'll stay until we can study you.
And do me a favor, not your little funny business, okay?
Oh yeah, no funny business, huh?
What about this?
Okay.
It's not particularly business, it is a little funny.
Knock it off.
Yeah, what about this?
Yoooo.
Okay, that was truly funny and kind of business-y.
Knock it off.
Yeah, I'm just gonna fucking leave you here.
Could have arrested MLK.
Oh no!
Oh no! Oh no! I'm scared!
Oh, to be all alone.
To be all alone on planet Earth. And not my home planet.
Planet Reath.
Home.
Reath. I look at bad stars, are the stars my friends?
No, they're not my friends.
Oh, gorkos, Gorko's falling asleep.
Gorko's falling asleep.
Another rush, another rush of the Incriner Crow.
Hey, I said no funny business, Gorko.
So, back it off in there. Sorry, sorry.
I miss Miss Piggy. nd Oh, wow. Oh
Why is this like the FBI holding area. It's like a super max prison
This got to be the worst of the worst
Yeah, oh, oh my god
Wax look all these creatures the the, the centa bites. Wow.
And over there, it's Freddy Kruger.
Fala la la, claw bitch.
And Jigsaw himself.
Vines looking, a token.
Well, a token shouldn't be in the super max facility.
Those are galoness.
They're misunderstood, so I get why they're in here but yeah they live in a symbiotic
relationship with the Navi. Yeah yeah that was a good point. A huge part of the Pandora and ecosystem.
I just all these creatures that man I'm getting the Avatar blues again. Oh fuck for God's sakes.
Oh and look it's Bruce the shark from
jaws. Oh my. Oh, forget me. Richard Jewel. I didn't think you were alive. Yeah, you
wouldn't think that Wigar. That's what they want you to believe. They trapped me
in here to study me. You know, they consider me the biggest freak in them all on
all because they think I love porn.
I mean, but that's true. You love porn, don't you? Nick, no! You made that up. It's a Mandela effect.
And they locked me up in here because of it.
What? It's not a crime to hoard a bunch of BHS pornotapes like you did in cardboard boxes.
And first of all, those were not necessarily pornotapes.
boxes and first of all those were not necessarily porn outtapes some of those were old family movies I had a copy of Milo and Otis in there as well
Nick This guy's locked up because he had a copy of Milo and Otis in a box and you
reported that he had porn I'm just surprised the FBI is using doughboys records as evidence
For rest well, I did I did jack off to that, but it was before,
I did it.
Oh, before I knew that they were throwing dogs off the bridge
when they made that and stuff.
So that's, I'll say that's on me, but it wasn't porno.
So it's still, I like the facts to be correct.
Richard, you don't have to explain yourself.
Who hasn't jacked off to Milo and Otis?
I put it on, me, Wally and Irma.
It's treat for the three of us.
We love it.
Oh yeah, Milo and Otis.
That's a great play on words, Mr. Winer.
Yeah.
Thanks.
So you're saying, nowhere in your VASPHS collection,
did you have a single film rated above R? Okay, I did have one, well it's unrated because it was homemade.
Uh-huh. I have one video of me and it's of the first time I jacked off.
So it's just like you were like a young boy I'm guessing?
I was 25. Oh wow. Okay, late bloomer. You know, that's the same year I jacked off for the first time too. I think it's pretty common honestly.
2007. Oh yeah, for me that was, I forget when I was born. I've been in here so long. What year is it?
It's 2022. Oh my god. No. Yeah, you lost all track of time. You've been in there for a while people thought you've been dead for 22 years Yeah, 2022
Dear God, wait, but but Richard I just
You said you had one unrated tape. It was a video of you jacking off for the first time. Yeah
That's a little suspect and I think that technically qualifies as portal, but is that illegal?
It's not illegal nice POV video of yourself figuring out
what's going on down there.
So POV?
It's a POV of me.
I start out in my bedroom,
and then I realize I'm gonna need somewhere to put it, you know?
Right.
Like put it.
So then I walk into the bathroom, I open the door.
My first thought is sink. Every obviously has your first thought.
Yeah, but it's your instinct to sync.
Because that's where you clean yourself.
Dude, it's the boys talking.
We know.
Yeah, it's, yeah, that's fine.
It's a sync.
I'm so glad I'm here with the boys.
So when I'm trapped in here with the gremlins and stuff,
they don't get this.
They don't even, it's like I bring it up
and they're like, what are you talking about?
Right. First thought's sync. But sync is're like, what are you talking about? Right.
First thought, sink, but sink is kind of,
sink doesn't work in that bathroom.
It's a little too high.
It's like up to my chest height.
Yeah.
So then I turn toilet, but I don't like to put,
I don't want to put it in the same place
where my, where my filth goes.
Yeah, I do.
I do.
I'm with you.
So then obviously I go shower mm-hmm I open the door my dad's
in there laying down jacking off oh boy our loads connecting mid-air oh my god this kind of sounds
kind of beautiful wait this is all caught on tape this is all these all on tape. This is all on tape. The FBI has it.
Wow.
Man, I've never said this in my life,
but I don't want to sign up for the FBI.
Well, I guess I want to see this.
It's pretty impressive.
The loads collide and they spelled out
Richard Jewel in the air as they, you know.
This seems like a fattasia segment.
If I could be on the eagle.
I wouldn't know what that is.
I've been in here for 20, 20, 30 years.
Why?
Because of you, he doesn't know what Fantasia is.
I guess he totally probably missed out on Fantasia 2000.
Yeah, that was really.
I just want to be clear that I think Richard's making
a good point here.
Anything can be porn if you want it to.
Like, when I jacked off for the first time in 2007,
I could do it. It was to Norbit and the lady that has a crush on Norby.
And it's just that sort of thing.
Is that, isn't that Eddie Murphy?
That's Eddie Murphy?
Yeah.
I think that's Eddie Murphy.
Oh, shit.
Hey, look.
That's fine.
OK, it's the boys.
We all been there.
Yeah.
Your first thought is you go sink.
Then you go to Norby characters it's the boys. We all been there. Yeah. Your first thought is you go sink, then you go,
you go to Norbert characters to finish the job.
Right.
Ha!
You always start with sink.
And then you're like, ah, that's where I brush my teeth.
And yeah, like you're saying,
it's just like a little above waist height,
so it's not quite conducive.
Dude, between coming to America, the clump,
the clump, not trilogy, 2-A- G. What would you call it to a G a
to a G. Yeah the club to a G or a do a do a do a G the do a G which dude has a
jacked off to an Eddie Murphy that's the question I mean tower heist you
seen that thing oh bofinger bofinger tower heist I mean that that's the tower for a reason, if you know what I'm saying.
I know exactly what you're saying, Mr. Jewel.
But why is here's the deal?
Yeah.
A video of himself jacking off, even if there's a lot of things that go into it, and I guess
his dad is also there and it collides, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the cum glides
in the air.
That's just a video of him.
That's not porno.
He didn't have por's in the air. That's just a video of him, that's not Porno. He didn't have Porno in his box.
Hold on, what he's describing is depicting an incestuous act,
which is illegal, and his own name appears
in midair in a jacket, which is identifying information.
Well, first of all, you don't know what jurisdiction
we were in, you don't know if it was illegal or not,
you don't know where I was at the time.
I think that's illegal.
I think that's legal in Georgia.
Is it legal in Georgia?
I think it's a roblo situation.
Oh wow.
What's he up to?
You know what? He's just kind of hanging out there.
He had like a Netflix show.
I would love to hear that guy talk about a chain restaurant.
He did a... I would do.
Look, one thing's for sure, his agent didn't call my agent
say, the doughboys are enemies of bra below, quote unquote.
That didn't happen.
Yeah, that definitely didn't happen.
That didn't happen.
That didn't happen.
Wow.
So I missed that not happening while I've been in here.
Well, yeah.
So you can think of other possibilities of things that could have happened
But that definitely did it you can rule that out. Wow, that's amazing. You know, I heard they made a movie about me
They did have you did you get to see it? I guess you probably did it. No, I did they sent it you did they said to do yeah
Wow did you get popcorn or no?
What's that? Oh? My my god he's been so long
you know what popcorn is oh no I know what I know what popcorn is oh where's your jewelry you're
I don't you know I don't want to throw stones but you're a bit of a people call you maybe a hick from the sticks me, but I am such a more fake news.
I am my pronunciation of popcorn is so wild that it doesn't register as what it was.
Yeah, that's what I'm pop corn. Sorry, it's a regional dialect, even though no one else in the region says it that way. Popcorn. Besides me. I do know. I did get popcorn.
OK, you do get popcorn.
Popcorn.
OK, OK.
All right.
All right.
So that sounds like a good setup.
What did you think of the movie?
Did you enjoy it?
Oh, I thought it was amazing.
I thought that fella did a heck of a job.
Paul Walter Hauser.
Did a great show.
Did a great show.
Get out of here.
I hope we can do a reboot of twins or something
where we get to play the twins.
Oh, that'd be fun. I would love that
And you know what?
Imagine us up there kind of a different take on twins because you would be the same you're the same guy
Yeah, how's our jewel up on the marquee?
Yeah, although it's not like hey here's shorts and ager
DeVito it's like these guys are opposites like you guys are just same, so it's just a story about twins, which is a normal thing.
That was my main issue with that film, twins.
It was, that's not what I'm, when I think of twins, I don't think of that, you know.
Right. That's a good point.
That's fair.
Yeah, I turned that movie on, I'm like, these two don't look alike.
Fucking change the channel.
Although I gotta say, and you know, it's just the boys.
We all checked off to that movie, right? Of course. Oh yeah, twins. Fucking change the channel. Although I got to say and you know, it's just the boys
We'll check it off to that movie, right? Oh, yeah twins you get a pair of twins in the room
My twins are coming out. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, the twins
His twins are come out is talking about his balls. I believe I think his balls. Yeah. Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, throw a number from the train more like throw a load into the toilet. Oh
Yeah, oh Yeah, this is just a number from the train. We're like throw a load into the toilet. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, this is just a bull.
Just a bull.
Oh, for sure.
Well, I've Mr. Jewel, I just have to apologize
to you wholeheartedly in person that I'm sorry
for spreading the false rumor, or at least the unsubstantiated
rumor that you had a massive porno collection
that was seized by the FBI when your house was rated when you were falsely accused of the Atlanta Olympic bombing. So I'm sorry Mr.
Jule, I hope they free you. Thank you. That means a lot. And if you could write, you know, a character letter on my behalf
I think that would go a long way towards getting me out of here. Wait, wait a minute. What's that in the cage with you?
Hey, it's a dirty Mac.
Why, she's got Pornow in there.
It's a copy of Gash Magazine.
Fuck, that's one of the nastiest Pornows there is.
Gash?
Come on, I can't help myself.
I knew it, I knew you like Pornow.
Oh my God.
You're probably busted in your own prison sink.
Well, I mean, if it's just the boys, I will admit.
You know what?
You deserve to be locked up. Sorry, I'm not sure.
Let's stop talking to this freak.
And go break out Gorko.
Now, before you guys get out of here, I just, I did want to say,
you know, my favorite thing to jack off to is the great American baking show,
Celebrity Holiday Edition.
It is amazing.
It sounds.
This sounds brand new.
Huh?
This sounds like a new thing.
What is new?
I mean, it also sounds like it's a hot.
It sounds like it's made for the holiday.
So that also it seems like it's recent.
Huh.
Yeah, I didn't even know, but it's just so hot.
I just, I just wanted to just wanted to say that, um't even know, but it's just so hot. I just wanted to say that.
Before you leave me, be in here.
Yeah, people should check that out.
I don't know who I'm saying that too,
because this is just our reality.
We're just like, I guess people beating you and I
should check that out.
But thanks a lot for your jack-off update, Richard,
before we left.
Oh, yeah, of course, of course.
And you know what? I'm gonna
slip you this. Here's a little porn oh. Oh thank you. Oh my god. Transcripts of Doe Boys.
Yeah this is an unaired episode where the sexual tension between Wags and I poiled over Whoa more like oh
All right
He's cool. Yeah, he is cool. You know how rich and we we had you all wrong see you buddy
Hey Richard, we guess we could break them out, but well, you know if we have time after we bust out cork Oh, we'll get Richard jewel. Okay, all right. All right. We might we might be back by Richard
Alright, alright. We might be back. By Richard.
Why, because we keep getting distracted. We gotta find Gorko.
Oh my god.
Look, over there. There he is. Let's free him!
I know you don't.
I don't think so.
Oh no! That FBI guy is back!
Oh yes indeed he is!
And I'm putting you two in cages as well!
You freaks?
Freaks!
Mitch!
Yes that's right, we're gonna handcuff your hands separately
in a sort of a chain of to the ground, sort of way.
Like King Kong?
Yeah you're getting the King Kong treatment!
The King Kong treatment? King Kong treatment King Kong
Inc. Got nothing on you Mike Mitchell
I've died. I know that it probably would take a couple set of cuffs to get around my back
Yes, got it
So we're gonna give you the King Kong treatment. Why go we're gonna put you on this hand truck with this leather mask
Okay, yeah, oh no, it's so comfortable
The fuck strap this Oh, no, it's so comfortable. Yeah, sleep. What the fuck? Strap this book.
Let me be right now.
Why?
We're getting put in cages, you idiot.
Oh, sorry, I was just so cozy here.
This sleeping chamber.
Fuck.
Oh, man, with YouTube fat fucks and custody,
the FBI can now study.
The doughboys.
Yes.
What's up?
No, take it back, these two are beloved!
Thank you, Gorko!
Thank you, Gorko!
Well, they told me, listen, I'm new to this platform
from what they told me these two boys are very pop,
they do podcasting.
Yes.
We do, we do.
We told Gorko a lot about ourselves in the small time we've known them.
We sent an FBI intern to listen to all your episodes of your podcast to see if you guys are up to no good.
Guess what they did.
Killed themselves, episode six.
Oh my God.
Jesus.
It's like the YouTube people who have to take out
the awful content.
Well yeah, because what happens is that, okay,
I'm watching a bunch of videos of child abuse
and animal torture and then eventually I get to loose change.
And I'm like, oh, okay,
this is actually like a nice mental break.
We record audio in this jail,
and we could pull that quote in the heart of it.
So be careful.
I'm just describing what the job is.
That's what happens to people's brains.
The grimace side of humanity that they have to see.
The grimace side of humanity?
Well, grimace.
Oh, okay.
The ground McDonald's too long.
And also, take deep breaths, you're turning purple.
That's my bad.
What is there to study with us?
Just me and Nick, two normal human beings?
Yeah, they're beautiful.
Okay, you're regular guys.
The ones who are going to describe yourselves
are two normal human beings.
Yeah.
I am a normal man, and so is my friend Mitch.
Yeah, we're normal.
We're normal men.
Guys, normal people don't say they're normal
We're normal guys we're normal we watch the game on Sunday we drink cold bruise
coffees or beers both
Okay, and you think the normal thing to do is drink cold brew and beer. We're a collapse wrong with your fucking colon you two, okay?
Wait a minute is that you're using their cool and oh we'll be using their colon except however we see fit
Oh, what the fuck oh no when you're done here. Oh boy. Oh, that doesn't happen. Oh
Oh boy
Why I'm getting this said he just thinking about this. Oh, semi
Wags I'm getting this said he just been thinking about this. Oh, Sammy
Bags you and I we're too relaxed and normal dudes
Rice you to that was so upset
Like why are you guys
To relax and no more guys now you've stopped shaking after the catchphrase over You guys, but you're right to relax in the world.
Now you've stopped shaking after the catchphrases over Wigers Dick still swings like a fucking office
like something that goes on your desk
and in that office in the 80s movie.
He's got like a sharper image fucking cock.
All right, home, I'm on the back side.
Yeah, this team is like one of those nail things
you pressed your face up because that was on desk to the end.
Yeah, Gorko, that's a good goal.
Watch what I can do with a lot of people.
Gorko's making stuff.
Oh, yeah, I see your face through it.
These guys are just friends.
Gorko, the other parties, why wouldn't we be?
We're too fun, love and do.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you.
He's trying to study you. He's trying to study you. He's trying to study you. He's trying to study you. He's trying to study you. One, one, one, two! That's our thing! That's our thing!
It's neither of our things!
We stole it from legendary convenience.
Oh!
Well, Wags, you and I are two relaxed and normal guys!
Wait, flat, still a little guys.
I thought it was dudes.
I-I-I fucked it up.
Okay.
Hey, Wags, you and I are two relaxed and normal guys!
Let's get pretty sweaty!
I left a minute ago.
You had to rehearse?
Come on.
Fine.
Did Acroid after rehearse?
Did Steve Aard after rehearse when they ran their scenes for Sergeant Bilco?
Mike, Bike Mitchell, are you also an alien from Home Reef?
Because you are greasy and so in slimy and spuck right now. You're a greasiest fuck! I'm not from Home Reef because you are greasy as soon as I'm in smoke.
You're a greasy as fuck.
I'm not from Home Reef, I'm from Earth.
Quincy Massachusetts to be exact.
And I heard that Acroid wore that nose every day on set of nothing but trouble.
So he was always in character.
Why is this ridiculous?
Weird.
You're in character.
For his character's nose every day while he was on set. Yes, you think? Well, and off. Dude, I heard weird. For his character's nose every day while he was on set.
Yes, you think?
Well, and off.
Dude, I heard that when Brad Pitt played Tyler Derny,
For his jacket on set every day.
Did a fucking information,
He wore his fucking costume on set.
What a freak.
Let's go, Bobo and Little Devil.
Keep moving.
Get in the fucking jail.
I guess the additional bit of
context would be like with that what did he like hat was he there in a non-acting
capacity like did he direct nothing but trouble? Yes he did. I see the way you
looked at Gorko when you said that open for reassurance. Yes Gorko some sort of
film nerd doubtful. Gorko's only seen NC 17 movies so I think you
seen nothing but trouble. Yeah, nothing but trouble was NC 17
There's a cut like that that exists wise. We're locked up in here with Gorko's
Really taking a liking to the FBI guy and I can't stay here. I got to go monitor
Some protesters Twitter. I get paid a hundred grand a year from the fucking government from your taxes
And I'm gonna go look at the Twitter of someone who goes by I film police LA.
I think it's tax dollars at work.
I'm not from this planet, I'm not gonna get my nose in it but it is our tax dollars at work.
Look, I don't want to get into this, I just want to get Gorko out of here.
He's my friend.
I'll be back to start the experiment shortly.
Enjoy your time alone.
Think about what you've done.
Think about what kind of fucking drivel you've added
to the fucking chatter of society.
Bye FBI guy.
Bye Nick Wigger.
Don't be nice to him.
He's my friend.
He's not. Bye FBI guy. He's not by FBI guy
I work oh by FBI guy
Oh, what the fuck of the three?
He's my favorite of the three above the three of you the FBI guys
He's my favorite. He's the guy you're trying to kill you. and told you. No, you're right. I like you. You guys are great.
And you're right. I feel like I was trying to kid me. What am I thinking?
I like you guys!
Nick, we're going to start in a sound like our reddit thread.
Don't be any started on the subreddit.
Frey, Wigz, we'll be spending Christmas getting provoked.
Hey, I've had worse Christmas.
The fuck?
Why do you have a big smile on your face?
We gotta get out of here, Wags.
I think maybe I can help us escape.
But how?
Do what you're not supposed to do.
Get me wet.
Get you wet.
Yeah, remember the rule.
Get me wet. Get me Remember the rule? Get me wet!
Get me horny!
Oh!
Ow!
Oh, I think you know what will turn me on, big boy.
Oh God.
Now, now I talk like a 1930s prostitute, big boy.
What about this big blonde curly wig?
Oh, wikes.
Does it remind you of the Lady Gremlin?
It does.
It does a little bit, yeah.
Wags is working.
I only know that because I can read your consciousness and I know.
You know that that's our number one thing that turns us on as the Lady Gremlin?
That's right.
And also what will turn me on. Wider!
Suck your own dick!
Suck your own dick!
Wigs!
We don't have any other option, you gotta do it!
You gotta suck your own dick!
Sure, yeah, no problem, this better work.
That was fast!
Wow!
How quickly he did that!
I can't believe I got to see it in person.
Why is it like a big Cheerio?
Eating ice cream.
Oh, look.
Wow.
It is, it's like an ice cream cone.
It's disappearing with each lick.
Marco, Marco, look at all the porcus.
Marco, Marco, Marco.
Why is it working?
He's not the plat. Look at him. Why is it working? He's multiply.
Look at him.
There's porcus.
He's in his body.
I haven't seen more porcus in like this.
This is the third grade. Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco You're so your school system is similar to that of like You know it states of America.
I assume so you have first grade
fifth grade
Wait third grade
health grade
like I said we love
math
oh
we're real
we're real
we're real we're trying Oh
We're trying wait I think we might have done it
Why all the four of us that they multiplied
He's positive. Who wants to see? He's positive. Who the K?
Wow, he did it.
Yay, Corco.
Yay, bye.
Corco, Corco.
Corco, it's a beer.
Corco, please.
Oh, wow.
But when the cork is quite debilitated to produce foam,
Corco.
Oh, wow.
He sounds old and tired now.
Oh, no. He just corco many years. Oh, he's a cor tired now. Oh no.
He just gorko many years.
Oh yeah.
He's a great.
He's great like ET turns gray.
He's gray.
Yes, but I started gray.
So now I'm even grater and veneer.
Look at the veins I'm growing.
Oh, you look like you're in rough shape.
Oh god.
Corco. Look. Corco, you look like you look worse than gray ET. You look like shit're in rough shape. Oh, God. Corco.
Look.
Corco, you look like you look worse than Grey E.T.
You look like shit, Corco.
Hey, sounds like Corco could use a makeover.
We can get you back to home, Reed.
Okay, but when I get back to home,
Reed, you promise the makeover.
Yeah, we did. That's the first time you're in a makeover. We promise the makeover. We can give them a makeover. All right, so we'll give you the makeover. Yeah, we did. That's the first time hearing of a makeover.
We promise to my makeover.
We can give him a makeover.
All right, so we'll give you a makeover.
That includes us, Bob.
OK, Bob, we'll give you a spot.
That includes us, huh?
All right, fine.
OK, good job.
That includes, manny, petty.
They're going to manany Petty or veins.
And also, it seems like a massage will be easy because you kind of are slimed up just
naturally.
Yeah, that seems pretty straightforward.
Oh, this time we spend together.
Oh, he's on.
You, oh, you've been naturally slimed up.
What the fuck? Get me home. All right, all up. What the fuck?
Get me home.
All right, all right.
Guys, just get him home.
Just so I thought it by this point, you would have changed your.
You're thinking about me.
You would have been like, oh, even somebody from light years away.
We.
You guys just fucking.
All right.
Look, we're gonna get out of here.
I just stay donors.
He like you so self conscious about being called slimed up when he's always been talking about
How much is climbing is and he's eating his own slime?
Why I've heard you often say my sister
My sister so ugly
Yeah, I gotta pay my
My sister's a famous dog
Is a real ugly. Hey man, what the fuck?
No one talks about my sister that way.
It changes when the other person.
It's a beautiful woman.
I think your sister is cool, I guess.
And I'm trying to...
I want to marry into the family.
Hey, she's beautiful.
And I see you two together.
You've been hanging out with my sister, dude.
And Gorko's been watching from afar.
Hey, what?
Dude, this is a violation of the man code.
You're going out with my sister behind my back.
Look, I've been hanging out with your sister.
Let's just say she can do some similar things
to what you were doing.
Dude, I don't want to hear that, all right?
She can go down on herself.
Dude, that's my sister.
Anyway.
Look, we're going to get Gorko back to home, Ruth.
I just wanna make it clear.
Canonically, I have a sister named Linda Weiger.
I just wanna make that clear.
So everyone knows, I have a sister named Linda Weiger.
I don't think so.
We know this, I'm just establishing.
Look, we're gonna get Gorko back to home, Ruth.
But first, I'm gonna free Wally and Irma.
Wait, they were here?
Yes, the FBI must have taken them today.
Look, whatever.
They're part of the special, too.
What special?
You mean our lives?
Uh, yeah.
I'll be right back.
Wow.
Even more weird creatures.
A Gremlin?
Yeah, and wow, a garbage pale kid.
Yo, the conehead family.
Wow, white spikes from the tomorrow war?
It's got everything.
Oh, I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
Yeah.
What the hell are you guys?
Let us out, please.
Let us go.
Give us five stars.
Let us go.
Give you five stars?
Subscribe.
Subscribe and tell your friends where their mouth really is.
The best way they do people know.
So wait, you guys are just like like are you guys just like other creatures
Praise podcast
What the fuck beautiful podcast about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
You guys were podcasting about, and you podcasting about Jesus?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Remember the father, the son, and the holy microphone.
We have 70,000 reviews on Apple Podcasts.
Oh my God.
There was over 130 seconds
listen to of our podcast.
We think that's good because that's what everybody say
and now if you get seconds and that's the counter seconds.
Got to count the seconds.
Got to count the seconds.
Netflix is counting the seconds.
This is the streaming thing.
Wow.
He was just shit to eat. It's counting the seconds. This is the streaming thing. Wow.
Yeah.
You must be shit to eat.
We want to eat your shit.
Hold on a second.
You want me to give you my shit so you can eat it?
So say it to Lord.
We can just also sit under your butt and take it.
Yeah.
If it's easier for you, you can soft serve us.
We call that soft-sering.
You guys have been in here so long.
I didn't, are you guys like some of the first podcasters?
And what made you creatures just,
just a bunch of podcasters?
We can use negative reviews.
Negative reviews.
And people being like, you're just doing radio. You're just doing
radio. One star review after one star review turned us into what you see before you.
Oh my god. He theest little monsters. It's kind of like how the one ring transformed
smiegel into golem. It's kind of what happened to you guys, right?
Yes, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it.
Yeah, that's why I hate it. Yeah, that's why I hate it. Yeah, that's why I hate it. Yeah, that's why I hate it. Yeah, that's why I hate it. Yeah, that's why I hate it. Yeah, that's get mad we get crazy nipple boners. Yeah, you guys are podcasters now you're in here
I mean your freaks, but you're next to
Cremlins garbage pelkids the cone heads and who's this guy? Hey, how you doing? That's Cubert
Cubert yeah, he learned English
It's me Cuber Cubers in here. Yeah, yeah, Cubers in here. We thought of English. We's me, Cuber. Cuber's in here? Yeah. Yeah, Cuber's in here. We thought of
English. We thought of English. I miss Josh Dad. Cuber, Mrs. Josh Dad? Because they
married in the movie. They married in pixels. That movie. They got married. We
haven't seen it, but sounds like a fun movie. Hey, let us out. Come on. Yeah let me out too. Jared from subway. Yeah he's not.
Don't let him out. He's a freak to you guys as well. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Big
time. Big time. He's always eating let us say which is. Freak we call him Freak. Freak we call him break break break
Look I gotta let my cats out in Wally and Irma. That's what I came to save and
Look, I'm just gonna be honest with you. I don't like competition
So I'm not breaking you two out you're in here for life
At least give us a five star review to tie this over.
Yes, we killed one friend.
Guess what guys?
What?
I'm not gonna release you, but I will leave you with one treat.
Oh.
I'll get under her.
I'll get under her.
Yeah.
We need to do this. There you go
It's a it's a mix it's a mix he gave us both both flavors
flavors
Brain freeze
I can say that felt like a cold shit, so it makes sense that you guys
Looks like there might have been some corn in there. You guys fucking gross me out
Makes sense that you guys looks like there might have been some corn in there. Oh you guys fucking gross me out
Alright well Wally and Irma free. Hi Wally. Hi Irma
Guys your freaks goodbye forever, but it was nice talking to you
Back to our pairs. Hi, good to see you. Hey, good to see you.
Hey, good to see you.
Hey, good to see you.
Huh.
Why, I got Walli and Irma and I met two fucking weirdos.
But let's get out of here.
I love you, Walli.
I love you, Irma.
Please don't.
Ugh.
He's petting them.
They're first getting all sticky from the slime, wags.
Ugh.
They're purring.
They like it.
They do seem to like it.
They seem to like it.
Fuck.
Maybe it's the Ivermectin or whatever was fucking coming off of them.
A Drenocrom.
A Drenocrom?
Yeah.
Oh, through me.
It flows through me.
The Drenocrom.
The work Wally's tail looks young and youthful.
I think it works. They look going. go on, I ever look fucking good.
There's a reason Hillary loves this stuff.
Just as the book of monstrous, eco-paratus,
or fold,
there is a dream of Chrome in the children,
we can dig.
For restore,
roar,
power.
Hey, you read that book? I've not actually never I can read that book.
I've never heard of it.
Monster Red.
Monster Radicus.
Incorporatus.
I think this is probably like a text of Holy Text on Home Rethers.
You might know it is.
Monsters in.
Oh, I have seen monsters in it.
That is the text we go through the tree the girl
I just like I don't know he like he's an alien so this should be expected
Gorko is the weirdest guy I've ever met. You're fucking out there.
Look, you get him over the moment. You call me a guy.
I'm not a guy. He's the weirdest. Well, yeah, if you compare me to guys, I'm probably pretty weird.
Okay. Are you weird on Home Reath? I feel like you must have-
Yes, I'm pretty weird on Home Reath.
Okay. Okay. Well then the weirdest creature. How about that?
The weirdest being I've ever interacted with.
Okay. And you're the smelliest. Oh, shit. Well then the weirdest creature how about that the weirdest being I've ever interacted with Okay
And you're the smelliest oh
Stink yeah
You smell like a big right
Rose yeah, that's stingy on your planet right. I haven't done all my reasons
Yeah, this is this is weird shit to say right?
Okay, so these are things that smell good. I don't know if I'm gonna go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go and go thing my dad likes to say is like you know some people march to the beat of their own drummer but Gorko has his own band yeah fucking wild your dad's dead on
dude thanks dudes wait wait that was a compliment you're the best I love you Gorko
we love you Gorko I love you so much yeah we love I've come to love you, Gorko. I love you, Gorko. I love you so much. Yeah, we love you. I've come to love you like a dear friend.
It's kind of like a Christmas Carol type story.
We're like, I know Sprooge is gonna come around.
Just wait for it to happen, but if it's done right,
it is always satisfying.
Yeah, exactly.
It's always satisfying to eventually
to love me.
So satisfying.
What the fuck is going on here?
The FBI guy!
Somebody locked the gates!
Alright, chill, man.
Where is Marin?
You're the one who said, what the fuck?
Well, listen up, what the fuck, Nick?
I'm here to fucking shut this down.
I don't know what you're up to.
Gorko, get down.
Gorko, get up. Gorko, get up.
Gorko, get off of that.
Gorko, get on that.
How many fucking Gorkos you're going on in here?
I'm up to my goddamn neck and Gorkos.
Gorko multiplied while you were gone.
Like pay-based kids?
Like pay-based kids.
No.
He's multiplied.
He got horny.
Look, long story short, why suck this dick and turn them on
I just you're saying his and he might think I suck gorkos dick
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, attractive or go. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You attract is everything
Why I I mean, okay, that's fine
You guys really need to hash this out right now. I did you I felt that felt like a kind of insulting thing to say oh
but no
Because I was I was saying that like you are like I think you're very attractive
You're a different species. No, I just I don't like humans.
Oh, that's fine.
That's fine.
Who do you think is like the hottest?
What is your?
A sport.
A sport?
I see it.
I see what he's saying.
A sport.
A gray sport.
Oh, got it.
OK.
OK, so yeah, you have a, come here, got it. Okay, so yeah, you have a hub a computer grays poor
Is a completely different concept of sexuality so why here if I was human you would turn me on
Me I was human you turn me on
That's nice go go
It's really
That's so sweet
But Gargle what is it about why why did you make why suck his own dick then it? It's really nice. That's really nice. Is that sweet? It's so sweet. It's sweet.
But, Gorg, what is it about?
Why did you make why it suck his own dick then it?
Can you just multiply on your own?
Yes!
What the fuck?
You shouldn't.
And I missed it.
Wow, we can run back to CCTV cams.
That's at least good for me.
Yeah, you've watched Epstein die in a cell multiple times, correct?
Yes.
Oh, yeah, I can't stop watching it.
Was it, it was like a guy strangling him, right?
Giuliani!
Giuliani did it?
Giuliani came in and strangled.
That a lot of good, that did him.
Yeah.
Giuliani thought he was a sick fuck.
You can't fuck kids.
Only your adult cousins.
Well look, I mean, are we still under arrest?
You got a ton of gorkos to study.
Who got you out?
These two cats?
No, that's why I remember.
They're a part of the special now.
But the, the,
because they're mostly black.
I'm ready to arrest them.
They are cats.
They're my cats.
And I'm gonna take them with me.
Who's marrying again?
There's multiple gorkos here.
Can't you just study these instead of us?
Oh, multiple gorkos, you say.
Yeah.
I guess we don't need to study the doughboys.
I mean, kind of, it's all there, sort of on the surface.
We got it just a half hour of watching the CCTV cam.
We get your full dynamic.
Yeah.
It's sad and funny at the same time.
I can't explain it, but I see why the people of America,
it might be hard for you, Gorko to understand why
they might be so popular, but I could see for America
where a country in decline, so of course.
Yeah, no, my kind of podcast I do is like
two very confident guys.
Oh, okay.
You guys have hot kids.
Like a Brendan Schobb, Theo Vaughan, sort of dynamic.
Got it.
I'm a big Vaughan, Vaughan boy.
I, I've met Theo.
You did?
What?
Who's he like?
Dude, he says good as you think he is. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you think he is. How perfect. As I suspect. Guys, guys, I can do a pretty good
feel of honor. How you do? Hey, now that's just, I don't think that's right.
I don't know, it's dumb, but I'm working on it. I thought it was good. Yeah, super
specific, but I like it a lot. So thought it was good. No, that was good.
Yeah, super specific, but I like it a lot.
So hey, we're free to go.
You guys are free to go.
We'll study these gorkos.
You don't even need to leave all the gorkos.
We'll give you a handful.
So we can take gorko prime.
Gorko prime, yes.
That's you.
That's you.
That's you seem super surprised.
You're right.
If I don't surprised I was prime
Maybe so excited
I mean he takes two days to come
I'm gonna say this FBI guy
You're kind of a weird dude. I don't know how you got the FBI job, but yeah me neither brother look
If you wouldn't mind putting these cells to good use and locking up someone deserves it
Yeah, I'd like nothing more. Yeah, like maybe the orange buffoon himself. Yeah
Her oh, you're thinking you're just thinking Hillary. Yeah, yeah, okay, who's the orange?
You think that Hillary is the orange?
She's a fool.
I mean, come on between Benghazi and the fucking Seth Rich stuff.
Bitches me tripping.
All right, we'll lock up someone who deserves it, okay?
You know, if this was the fucking 60s, we would have iced that bitch.
Did you see that Hunter Biden dick pic?
That dude's got a hog.
Did I see it?
I'm a major part of the release program.
We gotta get Gorko back to the whole thing.
Oh sorry, you're talking about Hunter Biden's hog.
Yeah, we gotta get back to hog, I mean, homies.
You got Gorko thinking about Hunter Biden's hog.
Sorry, Gorko, let's go. I'm gonna go get drunk at a local bar and flash my gun
My FBI got a hobby. I love you. Bye Nick. Bye Mitch. Bye gorko. I love you all too. We love you. Bye Jared the subway guy. I love you. I
Buy talk boy FX
Bye kids you're leaving early. Thank you. Yes, I'm free, but I still need to get back to home, Ruth. It's only a few hours until
clerkmas! We need to get you on a spaceship, but I don't know what to do. Hmm. I think I know just the guy.
Let's just say his name starts with an app symbol.
Huh, tell me more on the way.
Yeah, come on, everyone, jump in our car.
Yeah, then just tell me more on the way.
Yeah, come on, let's get in the car.
Yeah, just tell me more.
At dog boner?
No?
Oh. Get in the car? Oh okay got it. Whoa, what's this place? It looks like something from my own planet!
Hello, boys. I'm Elon Musk. I understand that you want to use one of my rockets. That's right. Yes. Unfortunately, we have no other choice, Mr. Musk.
That's right. At Elon Musk was who I was talking about.
Oh, that's right. At Elon Musk.
At Elon Musk, yeah.
I own Twitter now.
Yes.
Did you hear that I legalized comedy?
Do you legalize comedy?
Yes.
Was it illegal?
Yes.
Yes. On Twitter, it was.
You couldn't say anything or do anything without the woke mob coming after you
I got to say like how many legal you guys should try and start using it. Oh
Thank you. Thank you. So this is I can't imagine a world where
Mr. Bean can't go on Twitter and put a turkey on his head
But now he can't through your can now and the turkey can be a white supremacist.
You know, he doesn't make the comedy any better.
Yeah, I'm laughing.
It's like in the movie, the turkeys are white supremacists.
And the movie was too, so it's fets.
The movie.
Wait, did you see the NC17 cut of Mr. Bean?
Yes, I have access to everything.
I actually created it using AI. Yeah, you see the NC 17 cut of Mr. Bean? Yes, I have access to everything. I actually created it using AI.
Oh, you see it too.
Oh, you see.
Well, go on, he gets NC 17 movies on his home plan,
on his plan, on his home plan.
Yeah, who do you think sends them to him?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Welcome my little job.
You you send the you you're the one who sends.
I'm always launching rockets into space.
I can't just have no reason for it.
You know how I filled them with old AI version,
NC 17 AI versions of movies and television shows,
and I send them out into space to the aliens.
Oh my God.
You know how when someone used to camp
or to college their parents send them care packages.
Yeah.
Heal on those out for us.
What a home wreath.
Yes, will.
No, you got me thinking about home wreath.
Well,
I miss my home wreath.
Wait, if you guys have this existing bond,
I mean, maybe you would help us out, mister,
must maybe we could use one of your rockets
to get Gorko back to home wreath.
Yeah. Okay. Okay. You could borrow one of your rockets to get Gorko back to home reek. Yeah, okay. Okay.
You could borrow one of my rockets. All right, but you both have to go with him. What why?
Well, because the rocket is powered by love. Wait, hold on. It's powered by love. Yeah, it's powered by love
The concept of love is what powers the ships. Yes, something that I I think is artificially made
I don't know if I've ever felt it genuinely but no, no, you had that great relationship with the grimes
Yes, that was not based on love though. That was purely physical
I just needed to procreate
To have an heir to my dynasty to my throne to my fortune. You okay? I ask you a question.
Why do you do it all this?
Why are you posting on Twitter? Yeah. You could just be focused on making electric cars and
rocket ships.
I just want people to think I'm cool.
Well, we do.
Come on.
We think you're cooler.
We think you're cooler.
If you were just based on my achievements and my intellect.
Well, exactly.
We think you're cooler.
If you didn't try so hard to see him cool.
And you're going to be playing Wario on SNL just like just be yourself.
And if you're thinking about taking ballet lessons, even professional athletes take them.
Yeah, yes.
It's true.
Yeah.
Well, I just take ballet, boxers, take ballet take ballet football players sometimes even the most macho football players take ballet
listen to like Lord Taylor linebacker for the New York Giants he takes ballet
Yes, okay. We'll say you want me look for ballet list. Well hold on hold on. I'm not no hold on
See the thing is is that my thing is that I'm a dork
And I embrace being a dork and a genius, but also like I
want to be cool and I want to smoke weed and I want like women to think that I have BDE.
But here's the thing, Mr. Mosk is the dope boys are also dorks and we realized we'll
never be cool.
And once you sort of embrace that side of yourself, people will love you for who you are.
Yeah.
And just like you, it's made us billions.
Billion.
Rich beyond your wildest dreams.
Can I smoke a joint on your podcast?
No.
No, that's one rule the Doe Boys podcast.
No marijuana smoke.
We won't have you choking here at the Headgum Studios.
All right, all right, all right.
Well, okay, at the Headgum Studios, we're at SpaceX. We won't be have you choking here. Well, okay, at the head gum studio, we're at SpaceX.
We won't be have you talking here. Well, when we're at that, we're
recording. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah. I meant, like, I meant, that was what I would say,
hypothetically, if you tried to spark up a split while we're recording an episode.
Yeah. I know you guys can, but when you show me that video of Elon smoking weed on Joe Rogan's podcast
I was like this dude's definitely spoke before. Yeah you could just tell it's cool. Yeah you can tell
people can tell. Yeah I smoke weed so yeah cool Elon. Yeah you're cool. You can borrow my rocket.
Yeah! Oh fuck yeah! Yeah! Well my ruddif, he kind of gave it to us and then we just told about we kind of just
Pumped up as ego. He gave it to us right off the bat
Yeah, but no
I just want to say that when he gave it to us the first time you guys really yeah
Did he give it to us? Yeah. Yeah, I did.
Well, he was about, this is the thing.
I knew he was about to say something.
Yeah, I thought I'd bring it back.
That was the thing he was going to say that the rocket is powered by love.
And then we went on a wild tangent before he finished that thought.
The rocket is powered by love.
Hey, Elon, I got a question for you.
You bought Twitter.
You got any plans to buy anything next?
What else could you own?
You got Twitter. You got SpaceX. I'm thinking about buying Bing.com
Bing.com Wow, my preferred search engine. Yeah, I'm gonna buy it and maybe turn it into
Maybe kind of a joke site where when people search something and something silly comes up just silly stuff
I kind of I'm I kind of feel like the people on the internet
Just silly stuff. I kind of feel like the people on the internet think I'm well, so since I bought Twitter, I you know how I'm sort of
Saying like funny things on there like. Yeah, you know, you know, you know, yeah, you know, why don't you just do improv? It sounds like you should go up on stage and try to get laughs from people. It seems like that's what you really
Yeah, I'm better than I but once you buy the upright citizens brigade theater you could
Yeah, I'm better than I, but once you buy the upright citizens brigade theater you could
So for sale. It's actually not a bad idea. I know that it was just acquired. Yeah
But I could probably buy them out. Yeah, that would be funny. I would kind of legalize comedy over there as well. Well
You bring back the dirtiest sketch in a lay contest. Yeah, I would probably get together some old teams
Um, that's cool arts and athletics my favorite team. Oh, yeah
You bring back all the all white teams. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, hey, you know what? I got a website you should buy go daddy.com if the go down your girls are included babe
I'm a married a sexual man, but yeah, I could I would consider that wait. I got it
You don't want to pay people all that much you want to own a funny comedy website
You got to buy funny your dye dot com Elon. It's perfect. That's perfect
Funny your die
Right to the crypt I'm not interested. Oh, you're so need a right to the crib. Yeah, I'm sending funny your dye down right to the crypt? Not interested. Oh, you're sending it right to the crypt.
Yeah, I'm sending funnyyourdiet.com to the crypt.
To the crypt?
I don't think you understand how literally you get away with paying people
and have them still producing content.
Right, I just thought you could pay them so little.
And here's the thing you'll love, Elon.
Not even a living way.
So much of that content is not funny in the way that you're not funny, too.
Exactly. It's right in your wheelhouse.
Yeah, I mean, even I can recognize how,
little, how, not funny that stuff is,
I'm not interested in buying them.
Thanks, Guy.
Shit, all right.
The suggestion.
I was thinking about buying, um,
Jim Jab.
You should buy Jim Jab.
Yeah, that's fine.
Oh, buy Jim Jab.
You gotta buy Jim Jab.
You gotta buy Jim Jab.
That's a better way to buy.
So, buddy, I saw this video is John Kerry
He was seen IIO
Yeah, yeah, it was kind of like yeah, I like the idea of just an entire website for a
Decade plus now the whole thing is they take a funny looking head and put it on a little tiny body
That's funny as a relief on funny. That's kind of there.
That's the kind of comedy that I'm trying to bring back.
You know what I mean?
Just like things that are just purely funny.
Hey, you know, I got one last question for you.
Why are you still dressed like Wario from SNL?
Oh, the laundry day.
Everybody has laundry day even
laundry day.
Even the most powerful people.
But he put the mustache on too,
as the thing.
Yeah, they didn't have to do that.
But I didn't put it on my face.
Oh, it's on his butt.
What? It's on his butt.
It's inside his butt.
Have these men arrested for not laughing at the...
Oh, the mainly good night.
I mean, no.
It was pretty, it was really security.
Okay, okay, back off, back off, back off.
Well, thanks, Elon.
We're gonna get you a rocket in, hey, you're a real hero.
Yeah, you're a real man.
You're a real hero.
You know what, Elon?
You're the funniest guy ever, man.
Elon Musk, you are so funny.
You're so funny.
You're such a hero.
Why, in order for the rocket to work, you have to tell Mitch that you love him.
Huh?
It's the only way. Love is the main ingredient in all of my inventions. Love is the science
that I've harnessed. Wow. Eli.
Oh, I've been waiting for this. Man, eating popcorn, Giff.
Michael Jackson eating popcorn.
That's settling in.
And that gift is legal now.
I know.
I used to thank you for bringing back the Michael Jackson gift.
You know, on there's a lot of Bill Cosby gifts on the Spotify live app.
We've noticed there weren't that many Woody Allen gifts, but I made some new ones and put
them on there.
You made Woody Allen.
Made them a bunch of them.
Yeah. Anyway, we used to. You made Woody Allen. You made them. A bunch of them, yeah.
Anyway, so we used to try to make Woody Allen blush. Now we make Woody Allen kiss.
Why, because you heard Elon,
you gotta tell me nice things to make the rocket work.
It runs on love.
Okay, Mitch, you're a great actor.
You're such a funny guy.
You're so charismatic and caring. You're so charismatic and
airing you love your family. It's starting to work. The rock.
We're you're you're unrivaled. You're
often laid even today.
Shutting down now.
It's sitting down now.
So that made me make my blood boil sometimes with your radiance.
Why?
70s.
But, but despite all that,
with the with the flame shoot of the rocket's ice, there's ice shooting out of the ice. You're the radish, you're the white cavities. But, but despite all that.
With the, with the flame shooting at the rocket's ice,
there's ice shooting at them.
Ice, out, out, out, out, out in the ice.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Lies, all my friends are free such a death.
But you're so, you're such a cool guy.
And you're such a great friend.
And you did learn a lot of things.
I can't think of a better husband
for my beautiful sister Linda
Yeah
Thank you Elon Musk you are a true American hero
Kind of one-sided like Mitch didn't have to say anything nice about me shut me out. You love me or anything
Yeah, I guess it was just a one-sided thing. He shows us love for you all the time. Thank you Elon
Thank you Elon. Thank you Elon. We love you. You're a good man. You know, I've actually found scientifically and psychologically that
Making people wait around for you is actually a sign of love
Wow Interesting. Thank you. Thank you. We love you Elon Musk. We love you. You're an American hero
Hey, hey Elon check your ads. I sent you a gift of Woody Allen
Wow, this is actually the funniest one.
I've got a sentence to Grimes.
Whoa, is that from anything else?
That's a good one.
I think it's from Wonder Wheel.
Oh yeah!
Wonder Wheel.
Is that one of his?
I often wonder what happened to that movie.
I guess we'll see
Gorko, we gotta get you back to old Mr. Woody what let's get in the rocket. Thanks you on by
We're in space
Oh the G-forces
Well aren't we supposed to be waitless?
Because Mitch is just kind of sitting there
Yeah, I'm kind of just stuck to my C's
This, well Gorko is floating around
And why is your kind of floating?
I'm floating a little bit
Yeah, look at me, I'm not having that problem
I'm floating
Hey, Gorko, we do like a fun little space trick in the air. Will you like flip around? Oh, yeah, look at this
Sorry, I shouldn't do that I think
Oh, you shouldn't make me do things.
Sorry, I'm just gonna do it if you ask me.
But neither of us can really float, so it looked fun.
We look cool.
Yeah.
Look, Earth looks like a small little blue marble.
Oh, yeah, it looks like a small little blue and horrible.
It kind of looks like a small, like little blue and horrible. That kind of looks like a small, like, little blue marble.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought, too.
Shit, shit.
Oh, this is awesome.
Hey, we made it.
Wow, wow. Why, we're approaching home-reath. Wow. Wow, wow.
Wow, we're approaching home-reath.
Wow.
It's beautiful.
It's a weird looking planet, Gorko.
It's not.
Yeah, it looks exactly like Kashi-K.
Yeah.
Yeah, and see all those aliens there.
There's Al.
And Martin the Martian.
Oh, yeah.
Moush.
Yeah, Moush. Yeah, Moush.
Wow, Moush is real, I.
Oh look, Michael Jackson.
Yeah, of course that guy is an alien.
Oh wow.
No surprise, they are an alien.
No surprise.
No, still just like men and black.
Oh, is that a men and black?
Is that a men and black?
That's a men and black.
Oh, that is a men and black.
That's funny.
That's your ride.
Oh, look, poofs there.
Poof.
Hey, wait a minute.
And Mikeus.
Mikeus Wu-Tang, Austin, Chankton.
They're all on fucking home, Ramondi, LD.
Yeah, they're all here.
They're buddies of mine.
Scoop.
Why are they all here?
They're all here.
Shieldsie, what the fuck?
I'm never your in LA and you're not seeing them.
They're here.
They're partyin' home, Reath.
Partyin' home, Reath. Kylie's there. So when I go back to LA They're partying at Home Reath. Party at Home Reath.
Kylie's there. So when I go back to L.A.
they go to Home Reath.
Wow. But I make them promise.
Never tell.
Why? If you must know,
was a surprise.
A surprise.
It's supposed to be a surprise.
This Christmas.
Well, you know what it feels like a Clurg Miss Miracle.
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh, yes.
This is awesome.
God damn it.
We made it.
It died.
Man.
I don't know.
Yay!
God damn it.
We made it.
It died for the quick, Clurg Miss celebration.
Ooh, it's a party, baby.
Well Gorko, we're happier home and we hope that you and the other Gorkos have a great work.
Who are these?
Oh, this is special Gorko.
Mitch, I'd like you to meet my family. My wife and my child.
Hello, nice to meet you.
We're cool.
Gotta go, gotta go.
May talk?
We're cool.
They can't talk.
We're cool.
They've never eaten fast food after midnight.
And between you and me, fellas,
I don't want to be with that yet.
And then you're fighting.
Corco.
Corco. Corco. Corco. Corco. Corco. Sorry. So you
don't want your wife and child to not be able to talk? Hey, if you don't want your wife
and kid to talk, you might be at Corco Redknit. What? I look, I would say I like talk Gorko
I enjoy having gone for
Say
I agree with Gorko I just like she's my she's my she's my friend
So that's why I like it I like it
Is that what you want? I don't want you anything for I just want you know you praise her when she's
What is this? I don't think it's weird to also be friends with your partner. So that right? I just want you to know. You don't even know you praise her when she's like, what is this?
I don't think it's weird to also be friends
with your partner, so that's just, I just want to say.
Damn.
Hey, you know, you can marry the girl you love,
you can love the girl you marry.
Looks at either way.
This is such bullshit.
I'm with them.
I'm with them on this.
Really?
Yeah.
Sounds like he's trying to win more points
for some listeners or something
Anyways
Gorkau your wife might not be able to talk damn. She looks good. I'm gonna follow around
Insta
Classic nature
Well, don't be nervous every man was this spouse to be just so here
Well, don't be nervous. Every man wants his spouse to be dissahered,
but to hear it set out about being most disconcerting.
Well!
Well, why? There's like a whole alien celebration here.
There's celebrating clergyments.
Yeah, we got everybody here, and now it's time to party.
Oh, my Quincy friends, everyone's here.
Hey, there's a big stage.
Is it gonna be a performance workout?
That's right.
The sloppy boys are performing.
Wow, cool.
Wow.
The sloppy boys.
Now time to party.
Nick, that's not like you.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the stage, the sloppy boys.
Because that guy's problem.
Can you know?
I thought he's super ignore but.
Whoa, Nick, shit.
Nick, the sloppy boys are doing a set on home read.
Hey y'all, thanks everybody.
We got a new one, We just wrote for you.
Hey, we think you're gonna look.
And we're pumped to be back here on home.
Back on home, Reed.
Two, three, four.
Hey everybody, look who it is.
It's your old house, poor, gone wild.
Hey, they make this today.
Sounds like they maybe did.
I don't know when they wrote it.
But it's a hit.
Wow, Colonel Tom Parker.
My favorite character from the Elvis movie,
Elvis's manager.
Oh no, my name is Colonel Nampakker.
That's right.
And hey, these sloppy boys sound very good.
Better than Elvis for a week.
What's wrong?
Oh no.
Oh dear.
I could never sign them.
I just saw their white.
Oh, and that's an issue that they're white?
I only sign X who are
me on green
He's that he's on a he's on a home. I'm a alien
preferred alien
Because your colonel I'm a
Okay, so but you manage you do manage musicians on homebreath, right?
I do manage dem musicians on homebreath.
If what they're, they have to be neon green.
Refruely.
Look, I think Colonel Non-Parker with your connections
and their talent, whatever your skepticism,
I think this could be a match made in heaven.
I want you to say hi to a sloppy voice, over here, meet me Colonel Namparker.
He's a big time music editor.
Colonel Namparker in the flesh.
He's so green.
So these are the sloppy boys.
I've heard Dutton's demolitions before.
But nothing else. Nothing else? That's all you've heard the only you've only heard a most recent episode
Most recent ads of the time were recorded. It's not as of a time
Recorder this
I've set up microphones everywhere in case I
And he's I happen to really is
Professor space sense little pro. Hey, so I gotta, like, why should these guys sign with you?
I mean, they're my boys.
You guys are my boys.
Yeah, where's boys?
Yeah, he's my boy.
So why should they sign with Colonel Nompacher?
Have you ever recorded an album?
Out of school.
Yeah?
Real?
Yes.
Hey, if you said, yeah?
Yes. It was awesome. We had so much fun up there good and there's less of a learning curve
I'll sign them Colonel Parker. You say you'd sign them I
Sure did I changed my mind. I've opened my mind of a
Flesh tone. Yes. Wow put her there. I have a question curl mom
We don't have to sign this contract in
blood, do we?
Funny you should ask It doesn't need to be blood, but it does need to contain your DNA. Oh
So any bodily material?
80s to any part of you that contains DNA, what you can sign with.
Hair?
Any liquid part.
Oh, please say sweat's okay.
I don't have the technology to pick up.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's clear.
Anyway, the signature won't show up.
How I wasn't born yesterday.
Well, on Plainic Galatitan I was.
One day is 64. Oh, you don't want clear
lick with that makes sense, but is the paper white that we're signing on? It's clear
also. Oh, you can see about that one. It's like a transparency. Clear on clear. Yeah.
Well, hey, I want my boys to sign with you. Mm-hmm. But I mean, I don't know if I've heard of any of your acts.
Yeah, you sign anyone.
You sign any big musicians or as the sloppy boy is your biggest name.
Ever heard of Elvis.
Pressley?
No.
Wait, no?
Elvis Glantourol.
No.
No, no.
He's got to serve
Sounds like Elvis Presley. Yeah, it does sound like Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley has a stripe of fire running down the side of his body
Wait, what's that?
Man, no, that's not the guy. Wait, does he have songs about like you know
No, that's not the guy. Wait, does he have songs about like, you know, because Elvis has a hit, you ain't nothing but a hound on it.
Yeah, so he has a silverless song.
You ain't nothing but a Gortano 579.
That's a particularly low-down in dirty droid.
It sounds just as good as you wait.
What a hot.
It is.
It is.
Oh, and it's loud.
Oh.
I don't know if I'd know it unless I heard the chorus.
You ain't no, it's a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, oh yeah, yeah, that's really sick. I want to swing your hip.
Let me guess, he's got a song like it's like Viva Las Vegas, except it's Viva Las
Gleeve Glorp.
Yes, exactly.
Exactly that.
It's exactly that.
Wow.
That's our gamble in Nekka.
And there's suspicious minds and let me guess suspicious
Gleep Glorp. No, no, no, no, he blooms our Vegas
Fucking idiot. Oh, I don't know what was their very non-partner. It's a suspicious minds
P.S. The minds are all in one radio of a three brain daily. That's
Wow, yes Thank God for that post-its-credits one radio of a three brain daily. That's, wow.
Yes.
Thank God for that post-its script.
You guys all know.
I thank God every night, my prayers for that post-script.
My question is, what was home reeds of this thing?
Because he kind of is big of the star,
his Elvis on Earth?
Yes.
But he aged backwards. He was like a Benjamin butt. He was born big fat out of toilet.
He got born onto a toilet. Yeah. Wow. He didn't even went backwards. So like he's so young,
so young and one day he met for his gun. Wow. So in forest gump that's him these aging back there. Yes. Yes. Oh
His entropy is reversed thanks to the say to a program from tenet
Wow, yeah, wow
Yeah, well, we love Chris snowed it. And it's in C17.
Well, there's nothing left for you guys to do,
but sign the contract and head to Gleepclaw.
Oh, man, we love to.
And Mitch, I'm so, thanks so much for saying like,
we're your boys, you said it twice,
and you're excited for us to sign.
Liger has said nothing to that effect.
I'm curious what he thinks about it.
I don't know, you guys are my boys.
All right, I'll take that hesitation as you try to find the coolest words. We'll do it.
All right, get the DNA ready.
All right, well, it's been an honor meeting you, not Parker.
Yeah, thanks for giving us so much of your time.
Thanks for sending the sloppy boys.
Hey, where'd it go, slops?
Hey, go.
Yeah, we're so excited.
Thank you, man.
That's party, dude?
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Woo, woo, woo.
Ha, ha.
Hey, Nick's getting into it.
Oh, shit.
Look at that.
Let's see if one of those hits.
What a day of the day! I like to party, I like to have fun.
Hey, the Slobby boys rock.
Yeah, Gorko, your planet is radical dude.
Gorko, your planet is sick as hell.
I can see why you want to come back to homery.
Yeah, I'm sad we have to say goodbye.
Yeah, Gorko, this has been such an adventure that we've had together, but I guess you and I have to say goodbye.
Nick and Mitch, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my glib for getting me home at time.
It means a lot to me. Bergmas is the time that foregones
enjoy to the universe.
That's good.
That is good.
Thank you, doll boys.
And remember Mary.
Flour goodness.
Mary Flour goodness.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
And happy new year.
We say that too.
Okay, okay, I didn't know.
I was just thinking about you.
Do you think we said happy new something different?
Yeah, nice one.
So I just didn't say anything.
No, we also say yeah.
Hey, Merry Christmas, Porco.
Thank you, Merry Christmas to you too.
And happy new year.
Bye, bye.
Bye, bye.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the wrong thing.
You didn't do the wrong thing.
You didn't do the wrong thing.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the wrong thing.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the wrong thing.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand.
You didn't do the sand. You didn't do the sand. You didn't do the sand. You didn't do the sand. You already think it by. I did. It's okay.
It did.
Did they get stuck in the sandwipes forever?
I don't know.
That's what it looked like.
I can't tell.
I mean, there's a lot of weird stuff in this home planet
and with Gorko, but it seemed like he died.
I hope not, because I really liked it.
We went all, going to all this effort
and then bring it back to his home planet.
And he's immediately killed.
I'm looking down on the sand.
I see a silhouette. He nodding, Yes, might say I think I think he died
Well, I don't I don't know what to do. We can't help him
Sorry Gorka. Oh, Wags. Hey
This we got him at least you died his home planet. Yeah, we did it. We got him back
Yeah, but we you know, we did it We go back to Earth now. It's cool.
Flags, I've known you for a while.
You know, from your tone, something's wrong.
It's what's happening.
What's up?
Being on this alien planet and seeing all these cool creatures,
exotic flora and fauna.
I got the Avatar Blues, Mitch.
You still got the Avatar Blues?
I'll never get to be an alien, an alien planet.
I got the Avatar Blues.
Guess what, Wags?
The technology exists.
Huh?
That's right.
The tech exists.
That tech, it exists.
What?
Wags, we can avatar you into a gorggo body.
And me, I can avatar into a tuxedo cat body.
I can be like Wally and Irma, finally.
Wow, I could live here and be a gorggo.
Yes.
And I guess I'd leave my wife on earth,
but she'd be happy.
She'd be very happy.
Be an improvement for her.
That positive.
I brought the idea up to her and she was so behind it.
Okay, that's kind of weird to learn that way,
but okay, process that.
I was like, I'm gonna advertise, she's like,
it doesn't matter, you're gonna be on a different plan.
I said, yes, she said, said sounds great shut the door on me
Okay, well, yeah, it's a
You know 11-year marriage
But you get to be a Gorko. What do you get to be a Gorko? Let's fire up the machines Avatar Process, amended. Who's here?
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
I'm a gorko!
Wags!
Look, I got a tail!
In fur, I can lick myself!
You summon however smaller hog than Wally?
Yes, something must have got...
There must have been some sort of miscalculation in the avatar process. I don't know how that happened. Let me check the avatar read out on the screen. It says, uh,
uh, hog approximation one to one.
Exact match.
This is, this is like a brand of fly situation. I have no idea what the fuck went wrong. Yeah, uh, yeah, sure. Anyways, why is this swing through the trees and then meet up at the Gorko home tribe? Oh, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.
Gather around, Borko tribe.
Gather around, Borko tribe.
Wow, the Gorko Chiefton.
What? Wait a minute. The Gorko Chieftain looks familiar.
Hey everybody, it's me, the Gorko Chieftain.
Oh my god, it's Gorkoalic.
Gorkoalic.
Yeah, I'm Gorkoalic.
Gorkoalic, oh damn it.
You're stuck here with me forever.
Aw, fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Can we reverse Avatar?
No.
God damn it.
Welcome to the tribe.
And Merry Clurgmas everyone.
Merry Clurgmas.
Merry Clurgmas, the fuck.
Hey, I got delivery from it.
Hey, thanks.
Nice post-mace Mitch. Hey, thanks.
Nice post-mace guy.
Oh, wow.
Both of you guys get together, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're on home.
Wait, wait, Mitch, you got a delivery to Home Reef?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I got a delivery to Home Reef.
I was hungry.
Man, this is where all the restaurants go
after they don't exist anymore.
Like, there's a noggles up here.
There's a pup and taco up here. Why? there's a noggles up here, there's a pup and taco up here.
Why?
There's a noggles up here.
Wow.
Maybe we made the right choice by staying up here.
By the way, is there a spoon's up here?
Yeah, there it is.
There it is.
There's a love's barbecue.
Oh my god.
It's the love loves.
Post-based guy, I'm surprised you recognized us as the doughboys because we're in now we're
in gorko bodies like Avatar. Oh, I'm surprised you recognized us as the Doe Boys because we're in, now we're in Gorko Bodies like Avatar.
Oh, I could tell right away.
Yeah, we still have the exact same body type. Yeah, it's pretty obvious.
Why did we do that to ourselves?
I don't know. I feel like we could have gotten Slender Gorko Bodies.
Yeah.
Like we probably, that could have been an option and we just didn't do it.
Yeah, that's a good point anyways
I wanted some one these I wanted a current restaurant, so I appreciate postmates guy
15% tip there we go 15% that's it, huh? You know I came to space for this
I I just delivered to the try guy and he was mid coitus with a woman that wasn't his wife. Oh my god
He tipped me 30% to not tell anybody.
And I just betrayed his trust.
And you can only give me 15%.
I usually don't complain about tips,
but this is crazy.
This trip took me four days.
Yeah, you get out that, you get out that, Mitch.
Postmates guy, I gotta tell ya,
my soul is clean, so I only have to tip 15%.
Yeah.
Go it, at least go 18.
You know what, it's Clurg Miss Wigz.
I'm gonna go, I'm gonna match the try guy.
30%.
Wow, 30%.
Yeah, thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
I'm gonna try to get with his wife.
That's a good move.
Hey, postmates guy.
You know what, I see over there?
What's that? Rallys. Rallys
is up here. Wow, and checkers too. They must have shut down. That explains it. This explains
it. Explain why you couldn't find it, Postmates guy. Wow, let's go get some some of those
fries. Hell yeah. And I got some loves barbecue sauce to douse on myself and y'all can eat the fries off my body
Well, I'm into it
Well, there's nothing left to say wags except Mary clerk miss everyone
Leretness, glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop glop gl Yeah, well, you know, shitty. Like not good, right? You don't think so?
Yeah, I mean, sort of move from beat to beat
without too much connective tissue, right?
No, it felt sloppy, it felt kind of thrown together.
It felt like most of the work was kind of being thrown
on the performers to have to like flesh out
sort of half conceived ideas.
It also had this energy of like yelling at you
about how much work it took to make.
Right, and I don't think Kyrie Irving
is the guy to bring in right now.
What are we?
Actively platforming that documentary.
But even like, look, if you brought back
what's the uncle's name? Oh, true. Yeah, what's Uncle, what's Uncle's name?
Oh, true.
Yeah, it's a replica of Drew right now.
I question the timing,
but at least you can sort of separate the art
from the artist a little bit there.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, well, I mean, how did you feel about the Koalik,
cameo at the end there?
I know you're a big fan.
I am.
I mean, the highlight, which is maybe the most damning thing I can say about the
special, he really popped, which once again is bleak.
I mean, he only, he's only there right at the end, but it is kind of a saving grace.
It is. It really, it really is. He's like, he's like the William hurt in history of
violence, if the rest of history of violence up until that point was dog shit.
But like, just from me, this is just a note from me.
Yeah, no, no, just from me.
If I were writing a huge Christmas special
with tons of cameos, I'm not sure I would have
quality be that the end cameo, like the last final pop.
No, I don't know if that's the one you want
to send everyone out on.
Right, it's like, it's one of those things
where you feel like was this like a huge
strategic miss or did they like have a name and then maybe someone like got COVID and there was
a last minute call. I don't know. Right or or but but then again here we are saying it was the
best part of the special so maybe they were pretty canny about it. Right. Maybe they knew the rest of
its sucked so hard. Um yeah I don't know I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, boys, we wish you happy holidays and a merry Christmas to all. nd nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd nd ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃən ʃə nd nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg, Ørg nd nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd
nd Well, I guess those fellows decided they never would come back for me, but I can't blame
them.
When you're hanging out with the boys, you'll say anything just to get one nut off.
Anyway, let me see what's later in this transcript.
Mitch, Colin, Wagger, Mama.
That was a hit gum podcast.
You got me.
Hello, I'm Elise Morales.
And I'm Millie Tameras.
And we are the hosts of the new podcast Go Touch Gras premiering on head gum December
13th.
The phrase Go Touch Gras is what you say to someone who's so online, they need to shut
down their computer phone and go outside.
And on our podcast, we break down the week in online discourse, viral memes, and niche
influencer drama so you can do just that.
Do you want to know why Jen Alpha is obsessed with fighting toilets?
Or why people on Twitter say that Cheesecake Factory is not an acceptable place to go on a first date which I disagree with.
No, no, no, take me to Cheesecake Factory anytime you want, baby.
Okay, but here's a question.
You're at Cheesecake Factory, you're on a date, would you eat 48 oysters?
If you want to know the answer, subscribe to our podcast that comes out on December 13th on Spotify, Pocketcast, Apple Podcast, or wherever
you get your podcast.
New episodes every Wednesday.