Jordan, Jesse, GO! - In The Year Of Our Sheldon, with Ashley Ray
Episode Date: January 18, 2024This week we are joined by the brilliant comedian and podcaster Ashley Ray (TV, I Say) to talk about The Bear, Star Wars vibrators, and an even younger Sheldon.Ashley's comedy album Ice Cream Money co...mes out March 1st!Jordan wrote a brand new graphic novel called Youth Group which you can pre-order at Loudmouth Books in Indianapolis, a Black, queer, woman-owned Indianapolis-based independent bookstore that also ships! So walk on by or order it online from Loudmouth Books!Thanks for your jumbotron message Bill Adelman. You can also get your own live read by going to Maximumfun.org/jumbotronFor a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box - PLUS free Croissants in every box - when you go to Wildgrain.com/JJGO to start your subscription.Try Stitch Fix today and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix.
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Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free.
Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you.
It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And I'm Matt Lieb.
Um, oh god, uh, producer.
That was good, man.
Sorry, this is the first time I'm doing this.
Do you want to do it again? Do you want to do it again? Like with more confidence?
You don't sound upset.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's do this again.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll feed it to you.
Don't worry about that.
You're doing great.
Okay.
Hmm.
Uh,
it's Jordan,
Jesse,
Matt Lee.
Fuck.
All right.
No,
no,
no.
Good.
Sorry.
You go.
And again,
it's,
uh,
you know,
thank you for doing this.
I'm so excited.
Jesse's,
uh,
Jesse's with the fam on family vacation.
Yeah. He's gone. We're happy for him. It's great. Uh, self you for doing this. I'm so excited. Jesse's Jesse's with the fam on family vacation.
We're so happy for him.
It's great.
Uh, self care.
So important.
Um,
and it's great that you're filling in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was so excited when you told me that.
Yeah.
You're such a,
you're,
yeah,
you're such a funny dude.
You're an accomplished podcaster.
This shouldn't be hard for you.
It's very easy.
Listen,
I've done a lot of podcasts,
so this shouldn't be hard.
Okay.
So yeah,
let's just start again.
You know,
just,
just have fun with it. Be yourself. It's Jordan jesse go i'm jordan morris boy detective and i'm matt leave
america's radio sweetheart uh do you want to just have jesse's nickname or do you want to
should i do my own you can yeah i can do my own okay your own yeah i mean just be you don't feel
like you have to be jesse Okay, I'm not Jesse.
He's, you know, he's his own thing.
He's his own guy.
Right, I'm not trying to.
A titan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, it's like.
A radio legend.
A radio legend.
So that's, you're a different guy.
Yeah.
It's Jordan Jesse Go.
I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And I'm Matt Lee, better than Jesse Thorne.
Maybe just do America's Radio Sweetheart, I guess.
Okay, okay. I'll do America's Radio Sweetheart. That seems kind of like shitty. People like Jesse. That's why they're listening to the show. boy detective and i'm matt lee better than jesse thorne maybe just do america's radio okay okay
i'll do america's radio like shitty people are listening to the show yeah i didn't think i thought
you were saying before that's what i should do that was uh you know i should have been more
specific okay how about this have your own nickname be your own guy okay maybe just leave
jesse out of it pretend he's not's not even here. This happens sometimes.
Sometimes one of us goes out or has to miss a show and we have other co-hosts.
So this happens.
But bring your own flavor.
But don't feel like you have to make it all about Jesse.
It's about me.
It's about you.
Matt, they're here for you.
Very excited.
It's Jordan.
It's Jordan.
Now you're messing up.
Look at me.
It's contagious. It's contagious. Now you're messing now. Look at me. It's contagious.
It's contagious.
I'm sorry.
All right.
We're going to start.
Five, four.
I've never counted down before.
Five, four, three, two.
This is Jordan Jessica.
I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And I'm Matt Lieb, Francesca's husband.
You know what?
That works.
I like it.
Okay.
It's a tribute to your-
To my wife.
To your beautiful, talented wife. I love my wife. Yeah. Francesca. Ooh. I like it. Okay. It's a tribute to your beautiful, talented wife.
I love my wife.
Yeah.
Francesca.
Ooh.
I love you.
Matt.
Wife guy.
Lean into that.
I'm a wife guy. Wife guys have never been hotter.
I love my wife.
He loves his wife.
Yeah.
What are three things you love about that wife?
I love that she's my wife.
I love that she's my wife.
What rhymes?
I love that she's- They don't have to rhyme's my life. What rhymes? I love that she's...
They don't have to rhyme.
Why do you think they have to rhyme?
Because I already started with a rhyme.
Wife, life, I love...
The comedy of Matt Rife.
How does she feel about Matt Rife?
Matt, you're going to do great.
I'm so excited.
And you know who else is going to do great?
Jesse's on vacation.
You're filling in. I'm filling in. And we have an amazing guest, someone do great? Cool. Jesse's on vacation. That's right. You're filling in.
I'm filling in.
And we have an amazing guest, someone we've wanted to have on the show for a while.
Yes.
A stand-up comic, a podcaster from the podcast TV I Say, and the star of a new stand-up comedy
album coming soon to a record store near you, Ashley Ray.
Hi, Ashley.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm so happy to be here.
Thank you for having me.
No, we're so excited to have you here.
You're going to do wonderful.
Thank you.
You're going to do great.
And if there's ever a lull in conversation, let's just ask Matt about his wife.
Ask me about my wife.
How's my wife doing?
How's she doing?
She's great.
Does she like Matt Wright?
She doesn't like his comedy or anything, but she has admitted that there's something about
him that's hot, which I'm fine with.
That's fair. I think he's got an objective hotness to him. He's hot, which I'm fine with. That's fair.
I think he's got an objective like hotness to him.
He's like a young hot guy.
Yeah.
He paid a lot to look like a hot guy.
Exactly.
So it works.
Yeah.
It would be an insult to plastic surgeons around the world
to pretend he's not hot.
Yeah.
I'm not doing that.
You know, I'm not going to look at the Mona Lisa
and not be like, yeah, the work went into that.
Yeah.
He tried hard. He made her smile, sort of. I would love to get with the Mona Lisa. I know, that. You know, I'm not going to look at the Mona Lisa and not be like, yeah, work went into that. Yeah. He tried hard.
He made her smile, sort of.
I would love to get with the Mona Lisa.
I know, right?
You know?
The way that she just kind of like smirks.
I know.
Yeah.
And she's littler than you think.
Is she tiny?
I feel like, yeah.
That's what people always say about the Mona Lisa.
Yeah.
I've never seen it in real life.
The first time I saw it, I came back.
It's in the Louvre.
Yeah, I know the Louvre. The first time I saw it, I came back and did's in it's in the louvre yeah i know the first
time i saw it i came back and did a bit people like oh how was paris i'm like oh it was amazing
i saw the mona lisa it was huge no one liked it i never got a laugh with that i love repeating a
bit over at mythical a bit i repeat over and over that i've done for years even before the mythical
morning the youtube show yes you and I contribute from time to time.
That's right.
I go up to the camera guys and I go,
hey, is that HD?
They never like it.
I think it's great.
The more that,
because there's a look in their eye
where they're like,
is it possible he doesn't know what he's,
like he knows so little about cameras.
Like he could think that the highest D is H.
Is H, yeah.
But it's not, and I know that.
I think it's funny.
This is kind of interesting.
So y'all are both TV podcasters.
We love it.
Actually, you have TV, I say.
I have Pod Yourself, The Gun, Pod Yourself, The Wire.
I want to know, and I have a TV related thing I wanted to bring up, but I do want to hear from both of you.
Like in your time of casting about the tubes, boob tube I call it.
Sorry, I read.
Fair enough.
I listen to books, which is sort of like reading.
Right.
No, I just watch TV.
I watch television.
That's fair.
Hours.
Far better than books.
What are your your hot takes?
What are the things that maybe cause a little scrumming in the comments?
You know, I think right now, as we record this today, the Critics' Choice Awards have just happened.
Yes.
And The Bear won big.
It's a show I love.
But here's the thing.
The Bear keeps winning all these awards in the comedy category.
Yeah.
And I think it would win these awards even if it was in the drama category, which is the category it should be in.
I'm sorry.
We all love this show.
It's a good show.
Amazing performances.
You're not laughing.
No.
You're not laughing.
You're crying.
They had some jokes in the first season.
Yes.
But the fact that we can
count them they had like three they gave some kids drugs yep they shot a gun i haven't seen the show
and i'm laughing those two things they were without those were funny moments yeah season two
no more funny moments yeah yeah no now we're getting panic attacks sad mom and
duh anger is scary long brooding takes right yeah yeah a lot of anger so funny about a sad mom
you know like why are you no this is just tragic you're like oh god you're like no go in again i'm
not going lady go in it's just so sad and it's beautiful but it's a beautiful drama that has
some light moments and i just think it should be in that category. So the real comedies, the shows that have the jokes, which I think is what should be celebrated in the comedy category.
Completely agree.
I think those deserve the space.
What are the actual funny shows that never get acknowledged when the award shows break things?
Young Sheldon, yes.
Like, if you thought he was funny old.
Old?
You got to see him young.
You got to see him young.
That's the youngest Sheldon I've ever seen. The youth on this Sheldon, yes. Like, if you thought he was funny old. Old? You got to see him young. You got to see him young. You got to see him young.
That's the youngest Sheldon I've ever seen.
The youth on this Sheldon.
You should see the youth on this kid.
Wah.
Sheldon.
They already got a spinoff going.
Younger Sheldon.
Yeah, it's his parents, like, before he was born.
So, like, in the womb.
Oh.
In utero.
Before Sheldon.
Before Sheldon.
Yeah.
As we all BS. Before Sheldonero before Sheldon before Sheldon yeah as we all BS
before Sheldon
before Sheldon
Sheldon colon
rise of a nerd
in the year of our Sheldon
yeah
but I would
I would say like
Abbott Elementary
is the show
I think
the comedy
that isn't getting
the recognition
this awards season
and I would have been
so happy
to see
Abbott Elementary sweep all the comedy awards.
I think the Bears still would have won all the drama awards,
even up against Succession.
But instead, we're dividing things up weird.
Yeah, so when that dividing up happens,
you're left with the comedy tastes
of the most fucking boring critic class.
Exactly.
That likes things droll.
You know, yeah.
Where they're like,
it made me feel.
Right.
And it's like,
but did it make you laugh?
It held up a mirror.
Was there a joke?
A fun house mirror.
And how many jokes were there?
Yeah, there's a type of like TV critic who is like,
they don't like the idea that there's sitcom writers out there trying to like
cram jokes in this stuff.
And it's like,
no,
we all can tell when that's forced,
but when a sitcom is really good,
you love it.
It's perfect.
Like,
you know,
it's firing when the jokes, it's just joke, joke.
But they look at it
and they think it's a lower form.
And so they're like, you know what I would like?
I would like a 30-minute
sad show
that's conceptually
very funny. I want it sad
and short. Some of the sad shows
too long.
But this one, it's a sad show and it's short. I want a sad show I can watch while I'm eating lunch. And I love it. And I binge it and sad and short. Some of the sad shows, too long. It's too long. But this one, it's a sad show and it's short.
I want a sad show I can watch while I'm eating lunch.
And I love it.
And I've been there and it's short.
No longer than two Quibbies.
Two Quibbies length, lots of tears.
I don't want to laugh, but I do want to go,
hmm.
We all did it.
That's actually one of one, we all did it.
Yeah.
Satisfied post-orgasmic laugh we almost we almost harmonized
with our smug tv critics very good yeah yeah i mean yeah yeah i i was a tv critic for for many
years um well not many i guess i i i started at the The Onion working in the advertising side of things and really wanted to kind of focus on comedy and stuff at that point.
But one of the writers, Beyonce's Lemonade, had just come out and one of the editors posted it on Facebook and was basically like, we need a black person to write about this.
Help!
And I had written written just like.
We're out of our depth.
Yeah, like, I don't know what to do.
And I had written like a Tumblr post, blog post about Lemonade that I just like had put up.
Didn't really care.
And she hit me up and was like, that was just wonderful.
Like, would you write something for the AV Club and, you know, start writing for us?
And it just happened to hit this time in Hollywood
when they were actually making black TV shows.
So that same year, Insecure premiered.
There was Black-ish, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder.
And they were like, oh, no, we have all these black shows.
And we only have like two black critics at the time.
Ashley, have you been to a red lobster what's a red
lobster what are these references mean what is this about is this about her breakup is this
and i would just literally be like so she's talking about um the south here uh and they
had me do uh episode like episode recaps of Insecure, Black-ish, just basically every Black show that I would cover, any Black movie they would ask me to do.
And I wrote for a lot of other sites from there.
But I just, you know, I think that stereotype of the critic is so real.
is so real and I kind of got tired of just being asked to be this critical voice who basically explains like black art to white audiences like that's what you realize your role is is like
you don't really get to be a critic you get to be this person who has to explain like
what Atlanta means to a white editor and I it just was so frustrating and but you explained it to me so then i can
explain it to my friend so much yeah and i get like no did you read that piece you know in
vulture where they explain that actually it's just about black boy joy and it's like and you're just
like okay and i i got so kind of sick of that and just kind of hit this wall where, you know, also a lot of people in the industry that I think are amazing and brilliant would give me advice and be like, you know, you got to be a creative or a critic.
Are you going to make stuff?
Are you going to talk about people's stuff?
Right.
What do you want to do?
And I was like, well, yeah, I'm going to make stuff.
So, you know, I'm going to put this album out, Ice Cream Money.
It's out March 1st.
And I'm so excited to see what what critics say
beautiful stealth plug by the way thank you thank you i gotta learn how to do that man yeah to every
critic march 1st go go stream ice cream money wherever you end to write about it just yes give
it send give it a send it all back to me i mean you should write your own review of it i should
review myself yeah you should can should. I don't know
if it's too late. I don't know where you are in the mixing process
or something, but maybe
just to kind of get those critics
on your side. I mean, because obviously
they're a voice
and people
listen to them.
Obviously, you probably have really funny
jokes with punchlines that you've worked on,
but maybe just go back in there and just be like generational trauma.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Do you cry in the middle of your set at any point?
I make someone cry.
Oh.
I like to.
Well, you know, you got to work in crowd work these days.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I really like to make someone cry.
I like that.
I never thought to do that.
I'm not like hack. I just try to make them laugh. No like that. I never thought to do that. I was, I'm not like,
I'm not a hack.
I just try to make them laugh.
No, no.
But you made them cry?
Yeah, now we make them cry.
Comedy is over.
Comedy ended
when Donald J. Trump
took office.
He became the president
and ruined comedy.
And I'm like,
if this was a sketch,
it would be
chew on the nose.
We're in a post-rife comedy world. We're in a post-Rife comedy world.
We're in a post-Rife.
We're pre-Sheldon, but post-Rife.
Post-Rife.
And in the era of our time of Joe Coy, where you insult the audience.
That's right.
And the writers who wrote your jokes.
And the writers.
You're insulting.
Yeah, that's what we're doing.
You're explaining
why this isn't funny
yeah
I do love that
Joe Coy became the
whatever the opposite
of a comics comic is
by just deciding
to throw every writer
under the bus
when that happened
I was just like
what are you
he didn't even do that bad
I thought he did pretty good
it would have been
fine
I would have not noticed
yeah
it would have been like every other.
If he hadn't tried to defend it.
Yeah.
I think it would have just been fine.
If he had just like accepted the bomb in the moment and kept reading the jokes.
Yeah.
But the fact that he stopped to be like, oh, come on.
I'm good at this.
I do not have another jokes.
I wrote.
Then it was just kind of like funny.
Taylor Swift's not even paying attention.
Yeah.
She's doing what she got on her phone.
She's like, oh, no one even cares. Take her phone. And that's when I was like, buddy, Taylor Swift's not even paying attention. Just do it. She got her phone. She's like, no one even cares.
Take her phone.
And that's when I was like, buddy, come on.
Just, you know, just do your job.
He hasn't done a corporate gig in a while.
Exactly.
When you do corporate gigs.
Oh, yeah.
Have both of you done?
Oh, yeah.
Have you had to do?
You work.
You're doing comedy at a workplace, essentially.
Like the Squarespace company picnic.
Exactly.
Salesforce. Wait, let me say someone who's not a sponsor. Yeah, yeah. You're doing comedy at a workplace, essentially. Like the Squarespace company picnic. Exactly. Salesforce.
Wait, let me say someone who's not a sponsor.
Yeah, yeah.
You're great.
Oh, God.
Do I have to take time code?
All right.
78 and 43.
Go ahead.
Anyway.
Yeah, like Salesforce, you know?
Yeah, like.
Doing a corporate gig is just basically doing comedy in front of people who are too scared to laugh at something that's edgy.
Because of the fact that, you know.
HR is there.
HR is there.
Their boss is there.
I always have to run the cleanest set.
Yeah.
It has to be stuff that people are like, oh, man, I have experienced pouring a bowl of cereal in the mornings.
Yeah, that's really relatable. People are being held hostage. You break out the cereal shit is what you're saying. I have experienced pouring a bowl of cereal in the mornings. Yeah.
Yeah. That's really relatable.
People are being held hostage.
You break out the cereal shit.
That's what you're saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You bring out the tight,
your tight frosted flakes five.
Yeah.
You know,
the thing that you could,
you could have done on cordon back in the day.
It's that kind of thing.
But yeah,
but you get paid a lot of money and it's a hell gig.
And that's just part of the life.
It's stage
time but i think you know he's a huge comic now he only performs for audiences who love him he
forgot that there were audiences out there that don't care that are think they're better than him
yes and you know that can be jarring for a famous guy And like award show jokes are kind of corny.
You know?
And it's like they have to be kind of corny.
Yeah.
So it's like if one bombs, just roll with it.
It's a whole fucking, it's a corn on the cob fest, man.
Yeah.
Butter them up.
Butter those cobs.
Move on to the next one.
Get that next kernel and just take the crunch.
Put the two tiny corn forks in the end.
Yeah. Just get
through it. But yeah, everyone
now is like, it's so hard to host an award show.
And then Chelsea Handler did the
Critics' Choice Award tonight. And she
was pretty good. Yeah. And she
made a little knock-a-joke. You know, her
joke got a laugh and she went, thanks, my
writers wrote it. Hey!
That's nice. We like to
hear it. We know that they're exes. So it's That's nice. We like to hear it. We know they're exes.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, they dated it in the back.
So it's a little like, oh.
Didn't she date 50 Cent?
Yes.
Chelsea Handler dated 50 Cent.
Yeah, Chelsea Handler dated 50 Cent.
What do those two have to talk about?
How did they meet? Ashley, we brought you on to ask you
how did they meet and i can provide i can't i can't eliminate your job is to explain you know
but the dating life of 50 cent but i'd like to know i mean i do know i think they met when he
did at the time she had a late show and then also Fitty was working on a, you probably don't remember, it only ran for about six episodes on BET.
But he was making a sketch comedy show.
Wow.
I cannot remember the name of it.
Was it called Fitty Sketch?
No.
That would have been good.
It had a really stupid name.
That's why I didn't watch.
And I'm really upset I cannot remember the dumb name of this show.
Yeah.
But it was supposed to be just like
he just hired a bunch of
Sense and Sensibility?
I like that. I guess then that maybe implies that it's like
a comedy
of manners. It was like after
sense. It was
so stupid
it was like yeah but
he just like hired a bunch of comics he loved to do
this and then I guess she also ended up being involved like producing it and that's how they ended up meeting and they
fell in love and i mean they dated wow well yeah i mean that means they fell in love and they fell
in yes i've loved everyone i've ever dated that's what you do when you date yeah that's what you do
fall in love with some yeah and then you say would you like to go out on a date? Yeah, and God said yes to them. Right. Oh. And so it was fine.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, that's good.
Speaking of unusual comedy gigs, this is something I've wanted to talk about since I heard it was happening.
Ashley, I'll lay a little groundwork for you.
I know you're a huge fan of the show and listen to every episode, but I'm just going to pretend like you know.
And you never heard a single episode.
So we have a beloved tradition on this show where every August we celebrate Anal August.
That's right.
And, you know, and that can mean a lot of things that could mean, you know, I'm trying new new sexual activities, but also just it's it's in the spirit of being open and curious and welcoming to new ideas.
And this became a thing on the show when I drove past the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood.
Yeah.
And they had a sign that said, Happy Analogous.
And it just made an impression.
Sure. And so now every year on this show, we wish everyone happy 8th of August,
and that's all because of the Pleasure Chest,
which is like a, you know, kind of a like...
West Hollywood sex store.
A welcoming, sex-positive sex shop.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
They have a stand-up comedy show there
at that dildo store.
That's right.
That you did.
I did.
I performed at it this week.
I have never been to that show.
Oh, yeah.
It's a great show.
It's a really good show.
12 years running.
You've done it.
I've done it, yeah.
Where does it happen?
A few times.
Like, where in the store?
So there's pretty much every,
I would say, sex toy store
has an area where they sell the lingerie okay um yeah but it's
mostly like you know skimpy stuff in boxes so it's easy to move easy to shift around you know
these aren't like heavy clothes yeah so they just kind of shift those out of the way and put chairs
up okay uh so and a curtain yeah there's a curtain yeah that's nice yeah so you don't really
see the dildos during the set you right you know you look around unfortunately you can't really see the dildos during the set. Right. You know, you look around.
Unfortunately, you can't take one out and start doing prop comedy, which is what I usually do if I'm doing comedy.
Yeah.
And they do have the ones in the display case.
Sure.
So they do have, you know, like, so there's themes.
Okay.
Yeah.
These are like premium models.
These are like.
Oh, yeah.
This isn't the like.
Yeah.
And also, you know.
Base model.
No.
Yeah.
I mean, these are like also your theme dildos. Yeah. So I think I did a, it was, oh, what is the Star Wars? May't the base model. No. I mean, these are also your theme dildos.
So I think I did a – it was – oh, what is the Star Wars – May 4th?
Yeah, yeah, May 4th.
And so they had all of these Star Wars-themed dildos in the display box, like making –
I have 25 questions.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess my first – when you say Star Wars dildo, I think lightsaber.
Am I correct?
Well, yes, sure.
That is part of it.
I haven't seen these, but that would seem right to me.
Yeah, that's part of it.
Yeah, so the lightsabers were dildos, but also like a Chewbacca's dick.
Oh, wow.
Like a Chewbacca dildo.
Sure.
And that is standing in for Chewbacca in the diorama.
I did it all for the Wookiee.
Always let the Wookiee win.
Yeah.
So, you know, it's fun.
It's a really good show.
And yeah, it's nice.
Do they have, I mean, how deep are they?
Because Chewbacca, obviously, obviously he's a fan.
But, I mean, I don't know.
I'd like a boss nasty dildo.
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
I bet they could do that on like special order.
Right, yeah.
I'm like, when was the last time you saw the prequels?
Yeah, because there really is, I think, a Venn diagram of like super Star Wars nerd
and a person who creates masturbation tools sure so i imagine
there probably are there is the wado dick out there i'm sure they the land out the lando calrissian
one is just like a they've just drew like a nice little beard or mustache a little nice mustache
got a cape on it yeah like on a black dildo and i was kind of like okay yeah fair enough fair enough
they didn't work too hard on that one.
They were like, hey, listen, we got to get this.
We already made the box nice, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
So.
Does your, when you're doing a show in that, in that strange context, do, are you like,
do you feel pressured to just do all sex material or can you just do the serial shit?
Or can you just do the serial shit?
I mean, I like to watch other comics to see if anyone else is going to start using the room.
And if no one else does it, then I'll do it.
And if someone else does it, then I'll scoff and be like, ew, I can't believe that. That's so lame.
They stooped to that.
I mean, yeah, might as well be a prop comic.
I might as well get Tarantov over here.
But if no one does that, I will do it immediately.
Just because, like, you know, you want to, you know, play with the room.
I definitely made some jokes about how I'm a dad, and I looked at a wall of condoms, and it mocked me.
And, you know, just watching what could have been.
But, yeah, no.
You could have filled us up. I could have filled up.
That could have been you.
That could have been where you are.
Yeah.
But no, I mean, you know,
mostly you just do yourself.
I do a laugh that way.
I do the condoms voice.
I like that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hi, I'm condom.
I'm hungry.
Feed me cum.
I'm hungry.
No, I don't want a sandwich'm hungry no I don't want
a sandwich
no
I don't want
a salad
I don't want
a handful of pennies
ooh
give me the cum
yeah
anyway
I'm just
working
I'm working
out a pitch
for Adult Swim
oh yeah
I gotcha
and let me tell you
that's gonna work
that's gonna work
that's gonna work
I'd buy it
I'd buy it
I loved it yeah oh come on I like to use the room too I feel like there's they make so many me tell you that's gonna work that's gonna work i'd buy it and i was gonna run for 11 seasons
and i like yeah oh come on i like to use the room too i feel like there's they make so many
different kinds of new vibrators for ladies they just usually got a comment on it you know you get
there and you walk around the store and they also do give you a discount a credit yeah that's nice
if you perform you get a discount on stuff in the store so that'd be an outfit a drink ticket right
yeah 100 it's a nice little discount so you know i like to go through and
they make so many things to hide that a vibrator is a vibrator yeah so like one of those crocheted
boxes that goes over kleenex yeah like there's one that like it looks like a tube of lipstick
but actually it's a vibrator uh one that looks like a mouse for a laptop but it's a vibrator and i just it's just so cool the vibrator technology we have these days yeah i always feel
you know not to get political but i i feel like you know there's not enough options for people
with um penises that's what i how i feel you know what star Wars character would you like to fuck, Matt? I mean, honestly,
so Special Edition,
Return of the Jedi.
This is where kind of George went back and used CGI.
Yeah, yeah. So they had
a lady singing a song
where she had the really thin lips
and you know the alien with the
she has kind of like the wide hips.
She's a little thicker. Yeah, she sings that like
you know that song?
Yeah.
That.
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah, her.
Sure.
Well, I don't consider the special editions to be canon, so.
Oh.
Okay.
Fair.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, okay.
I only watch the originals on LaserDisc.
That's fair.
That's really fair.
But, you know, kind of invalidating my sexual preferences.
Yeah.
You shouldn't do that
you shouldn't yuck his yum don't yuck no you're right sorry sorry i yucked your cum
um i wasn't being very sex positive i wasn't judgy very judgy and i'm just gonna like step
back and i'm gonna listen and i'm gonna do the work do the work reflect try to do better i will
try there's one thing i would ask is that you do better. I will.
And not to yuck my cum.
Listen, I'm going to go on a retreat with my good friend Matt Rife.
He's going to yum your cum.
Did someone call me?
No.
My condom friend.
I was in the trash, but I got out.
I'm filled with your son.
Wait, I do want to go back for a second to the world of being a TV podcaster and having to have hot takes.
Matt, what are the Sopranos fans like?
If I were to take a guess, I would guess that maybe there's a pocket of that fandom that's a little hard to please.
Oh, yeah. So there's two types. There's a pocket of that fandom that's a little hard to please oh yeah so there's two types there's two types of sopranos fan uh one type is the one that watched that show and said this is a really funny show that's kind of like it is it masks itself it's
doing it like an opposite it's it's doing a reverse bear it's it's marketed as this you know uh mobster drama um but it's really just an hour
long sitcom that's just hilarious uh and there's the fans that realize that and appreciate that
and just think it's the funniest show ever um and then there's another fan uh that has a scarface
poster in their room and they're like i like t Tony Soprano because he's a cool guy.
Sure.
He's so cool.
He works at a strip club.
He punches people.
I want to be just like Rick from Rick and Morty.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
And there's no part of them that sees any of this as a metaphor for anything.
They're like, no, it's a show about a cool guy
whose stupid wife
won't let him just live his life.
Yeah, he built a little movie theater.
Yeah, thank you.
The people who didn't like Skyler and Breaking Bad.
Yeah, exactly. It's where the people who were like
Don Draper's coolest hell.
It's so cool when he says
I don't think about you at all.
And he's drunk at work.
It's so cool. I love it how he's drunk at work and he cheats on his wife.
It's the best.
He seems happy.
Drunk drives with his kids in the car.
No, that's not a show about a sad man.
It's a happy man.
It's a happy good man.
It's a show about a happy man.
He's killing it at work.
Yeah.
But yeah, that is like an entire type of person.
And to be honest i started off uh when
we did the podcast i started off being a person who was like i think it's an hour-long sitcom
and i ended being like you know the people who just think tony is a cool guy
they're the most pure fan yeah because they are the ones who are not trying to they're not too
heady about it like they're just they're just
like watching a show and they're and they're like yeah i also like titties and meat and i'm like me
too what are we gonna pretend i don't like that yeah i'm gonna pretend that i'm not it's like
yeah no why am i i'm just over intellectualizing this whole thing just uh those are the two things
that are great yeah when mad man ended for me,
I was like,
cool.
New business idea.
I bet he gets a younger wife.
Yeah.
When's he going to get rid of that old?
Good for him.
Good for him.
That's all I wanted.
Uh,
actually what,
what,
what TV fandoms are,
are complicated to deal with in your,
does one come to mind?
Yeah.
Immediately.
I'll start with a recent one
I deal with a lot of TV fandoms obviously
I share a lot of TV opinions
so on social media they
come for me about all types of shows
the one that was the fiercest
was the Ted Lasso fandom
oh I heard about this
yeah they're a bit like Disney
adults they the way they
love enamel pins?
Yeah, I mean, it's like Ted Lasso saved them
at the darkest part of their lives
the first year of the pandemic.
There were people who truly lost themselves
and found this show and treat it
like it is their personal therapist.
Wow.
And this last season,
do you watch Ted Lasso, first of all?
I've only seen a couple episodes i liked both of
them but i also felt like i didn't need to watch more and i promised my mom i would try it okay
yeah i will mommy if you're listening yeah i would say i love the first season it was absolutely
amazing the first season is so good the third season there are a lot of behind the scenes
changes the show kind of goes off the rails in some weird ways.
And the fans could not take it.
They were just like, people wanted the two main characters to get together.
There were all these things that they thought were pointing to stuff.
And people just started losing it.
The fans started yelling at anyone who was like, those people aren't going to get together.
They would attack them, dox them.
Just truly, how do you not believe Rebecca and Ted are going to get together?
You are ruining my life.
If you say they were going to get together.
What do you mean?
And then when they didn't get together, the people were like, no, sorry.
People were like, this is not the real finale.
This cannot be real.
This was all a dream.
No, people truly started being like.
Ted Lasso was on the operating table.
People truly started like writing entire threads like why the Ted Lasso finale was actually a dream and none of what we saw at the end actually happened.
Oh my gosh.
Because there's a shot where Ted goes back to America on the plane and he like falls asleep.
And they were like, everything after this is a dream.
And people are like, it's not.
There's things that happen that he would have no idea about.
So I uh maybe this
is a good time maybe for this is a good time for me to admit this um this episode has been a dream
is this a dream yeah i got hit by a car on the way over and i am on a on a gurney in an ambulance
and they're shining that little pen light in my eyes and you're podcasting your subconscious yeah
so let's all let me don't we take a break.
We'll process this.
We'll process the dreams.
And we'll come back for some more.
We'll be right back, Jordan.
Yeah, that was good, man.
It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Morris you, love you, love you, love you.
It's Jordan, Jesse Goh.
I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.
And I'm Matt Lieb, filling in for Jesse Thorne.
Hey, we want to say thank you to all the folks who have gone to MaximumFun.org slash join and kicked in a couple of bucks to keep the show going.
You're the lifeblood of this company and this podcast.
We love your blood. Please, give
me more blood. It feeds my family.
Feed Matt's family blood.
Maximumfun.org
slash join. You'll also get a bunch of bonus content.
You do. We're also
sponsored this week by the good
folks at Wild
Grain. Matt,
do you know about Wild Grain? Do you need me to explain
Wild Grain to you? Could you explain Wild Grain? Because I do not know, wild grain do you need me to explain wild grain could you explain
wild grain because i do not know but you do matt this is a wonderful company they are the first
ever bake from frozen subscription box for sourdough breads fresh pastas and artisanal
pastries here's what you do you go to wild grainrain.com slash JJ Go and you get yourself a box of lovely frozen bread, frozen pasta, frozen pastries.
Everything bakes from frozen in 25 minutes or less. No thawing required.
You heat up that oven, you throw them in and you got yourself a wonderful fresh loaf of sourdough bread.
You got beautiful pasta.
Wow. Can you tell me what was in your wild grain box? Okay, here I had some lovely sourdough bread. You got beautiful pasta. Wow. Can you tell me what was in your wild grain box?
Okay, here.
I had some lovely sourdough bread.
Okay.
I had that with the beautiful pasta that they sent for dessert.
Turnovers.
Wow.
Yeah, they were real good.
I love a turnover.
Yeah, me too.
I love a pastry with a coffee in the morning.
Yeah. But I've been doing my wild grain one. So I just make my coffee at home. turnover yeah me too i love i love i love a uh a pastry with a coffee in the morning yeah but i've
been doing my wild grain one so i just i just make my coffee at home throw a pastry in that oven and
i'm not paying those exorbitant coffee shop prices no yeah way too much getting a rip off getting
ripped off by some judgy barista and you have to go there in order to get judged and all these all
these products uh they really they make the house smell wonderful.
Yeah. So if you want some
delicious food that makes your house
smell wonderful,
wildgrain.com slash
JJGO. And now, you can
fully customize your Wild Grain box
so you can get any combination of breads, pastas,
and pastries you like.
If you want a box of all bread, all pasta, or all
pastries, you can have it.
Plus, for a limited time, you can get $30 off the first box,
plus free croissants in every box
when you go to wildgrain.com slash jjgo
to start your subscription.
Did I hear you right?
You heard me!
Free croissants in every box
and $30 off your first box
when you go to wildgrain.com slash jjgo.
That's wildgrain.com slash jj. That's wildgrain.com slash JJGO.
Or you can use promo code JJGO at checkout.
You know, we are also sponsored today by Stitch Fix.
Yeah.
Matt, have you used Stitch Fix?
I don't know what it is.
Let me explain Stitch Fix to you.
Here's what you do.
You go to stitchfix.com jj go you fill out a fun style quiz and stitch
fix sends you a bunch of beautiful clothes that you're gonna love based on just the style that you
said you had from the quiz yeah you take the quiz but you also have a personal stylist so you can
send them messages so you know like if you have a special occasion coming up, if you're starting a new job, if you...
Wait, what do you mean?
Starting a new job?
Oh, no, no.
I have a job.
Matt.
No.
You're fired.
No.
But here's what you're going to do.
You're going to want to go to stickfix.com slash JJ Go.
And you're going to just have some job interview outfits because you're going to need them.
You're fired.
No, Matt's gainfully employed.
I'm here.
But if, you know, you want to spiff up for upcoming records,
stitchfix.com slash JJGo.
And the stylist is a great resource.
You can collaborate with them,
and they'll send you styles in a wide range of sizes,
available from XS to 3XL.
They'll find your perfect fit and send you clothes handpicked just for you.
And if you don't love something, yeah, you let it.
Listen, I get Stitch Fix boxes.
Some of the stuff I love, some of the stuff not quite for me.
I keep the stuff I love.
The stuff that's not quite for you, you put it in an easy envelope that comes with the
thing. It's prepaid. You just put it in an easy envelope that comes with the thing.
It's prepaid.
You just put it in the mail.
And you send it right back.
It's so easy.
That's so easy.
And fun.
Thanks, Stitch Fix.
They just get me.
And they'll get you, too.
Try today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything
in your fix.
That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo.
Stitchfix.com slash JJGO. Stitchfix.com slash JJGO.
Matt, we got a Jumbotron.
Yeah.
It finally happened.
Someone was like, it's Jumbotron time.
Yes.
And I was very excited about it because, you know, when we get these, once again, lifeblood.
And it makes us feel good.
Right.
And also it makes the person who paid for
it feel good.
Yeah.
If you want to share a message with our audience, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron, and
for a very affordable rate-
Incredibly affordable.
We can share your message like this person has done.
Let's share this message now.
This is from-
Bill Adelman.
Bill Adelman, one of the favorites. Here is Bill's message.
I want to shout out Jordan for turning me on to some great music. Oh, that's nice. I like that.
A while back, he discussed TMBG. They might be giants. Right. Did you know that after doing
your TMBG fan? I didn't know that, but it makes sense. Yeah. Anyways, a while back, he discussed
TMBG's Mink Car on Bullseye. and more recently he mentioned Built to Spill on another pod.
Built to Spill is simply freaking great,
and I am so glad their music is now in my life.
Thanks to Jordan.
Much love to Jordan and Jesse.
This pod brightens my days.
Wow.
So this person, see, you can use a Jumbotron for anything.
Literally any message.
It could be something that could have just been an email.
Sure.
But I like that they were like, no, this needs to go out.
People need to know that they might be giants.
They might be giants.
And hey, Mink Car is a They Might Be Giants album that came out, I think, in the mid-2000s.
Okay.
But I think it was on a record label that dissolved.
So it's a little bit hard to get.
Oh, I didn't know that.
But the songs on Mink Car are really terrific.
It's one of my favorite albums of theirs.
Now, am I wrong?
Are they the band that did the Malcolm in the Mills song?
They are.
I think they won a Grammy for that.
Yeah, that's a good song.
That is a good song.
I like that one.
Yeah, they might be Giants.
Good band.
Yeah.
And Built to Spill. song it is a good song I like that yeah they might be Giants good band yeah and
built this you know I think I was talking about built to spill on do you
need a ride and it was probably more Chris talking about built to spill I
like them a lot but they are one of his all-time faves okay I'm gonna have to
listen to both of these bands Matt what bands you like
Ray ahead cool a lot of people haven't heard of them well now you have three Matt, what bands do you like? Radiohead. Cool. Yeah. They're good. Check them out.
A lot of people haven't heard of them.
Well, now you have three things to check out.
They might be Giant's Mink Car, Built to Spill, and of course, the band Radiohead.
Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron if you want to get up on that.
Jumbotron.
One more thing before we get back to the show.
The new graphic novel Youth Group by me and art by Bowen McGurdy will be in store soon,
but we want people to pre-order it.
That's right.
It's a YA horror comedy that we think you're going to love.
And, of course, you can pre-order that guy anywhere.
You can get it at Amazon.
You can get it at Barnes & Noble.
But we'd love it if you'd pre-order from your local indie bookstore.
Yes. And today we are shouting out Loudmouth Books in Indianapolis, Indiana.
They're online at loudmouthindie.com, a beautiful-looking local indie bookstore where you can get your copy of Youth Group.
And a lot of these places will ship to you. So if you don't have a favorite indie but you want to support one,
maybe head to the description of this show.
You'll see the link right there.
I post them every week, and you can just go throughout every episode
where we pitch this, and there will be an indie bookstore
that you can choose from.
Dang, yes, great. So yeah, Youth Group, I'm really proud of it. pitch this and there will be an indie bookstore that you can choose from dang yes great um so
yeah youth group um i'm really proud of it i'm excited about it and i hope folks will pre-order
it really important for books why don't know we'll get back to the show now La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, What? Got a text from your wife. Oh, no. She thinks you're being a little clingy. I'm too clingy?
Yeah.
She's going to leave me for Matt, right?
She probably is. I mean, I think, you know, you can be a wife guy, but you have to have other interests.
How do you do that if you're a wife guy?
Because the only thing that I'm interested in is-
Do you make TikToks about your wife?
I do.
I only make TikToks-
You got to make songs.
I got to make a song about my wife?
Yeah, make a song, my wife you gotta make a song a dance
oh man
god I gotta edit
this podcast
and I gotta make
a song about my wife
yeah
I don't think
I've loved anyone
that much
I only love TV shows
that much
wait Matt
are you saying
you're more committed
to your wife
than you are to
this podcast
I've just known her longer
this podcast
gave you a daughter
that's true if it wasn't for this podcast I never've just known her longer. This podcast gave you a daughter. That's true.
If it wasn't for this podcast,
I never would have had a daughter. Exactly.
I listened to it and I said,
my erection,
it's coming back.
That's right.
That's a lot of, this podcast
does function as a kind of
Cialis-like
product for a lot of people.
Advertising qualities.
It's a very horny show,
and everyone who listens is horny.
Have you ever had a guest
where you use a sexier voice?
Oh, that's an interesting question.
If we are kind of like...
If we do have a guest who gives you feelings...
Yeah, that you're a little like...
Would you...
Maybe. I wonder. If you're out there listening, of like, if we do have a guest who gives you feelings. Yeah, would you, yeah.
Maybe, I wonder.
If you're out there listening,
go back and listen to all the Steve Agee episodes.
Tell me if my voice. Was I doing a different voice?
I might, I mean.
Did I do a sexy voice?
Oh, he's so good at Peacemaker.
Oh, I mean, yeah.
He's funny.
Anytime I interview Jason Manzoukis,
I use a sexy voice.
Oh, yeah.
I can't help it.
How can you not?
I can't, I'm just like.
I mean, he's a very sexy guy. Oh, yeah. I can't help it. How can you not? I can't. I mean, he's a very sexy guy.
Oh, Jason.
Cool.
Gosh, what a great choice of show.
Deathly allergic to eggs.
Yeah, me too.
What?
Really?
Interesting.
We're both Sagittarians.
We're both allergic to eggs.
Wow.
We both went to Little Ivy's.
So, you know, are we soulmates?
What's a Little Ivy?
It's like these little...
It's Beyonce's daughter, right?
See, I know this stuff.
Red Lobster.
It's Beyonce's daughter who taught me, gave me my degree.
It's schools where she creates the curriculum.
Okay.
Is there anything she can't do?
She's incredible.
She's incredible.
Yeah.
From time to time on this show, we like to open up the phone lines to folks who give us a call at 206-984-4FUN.
Or they email us a voice memo from their telephone.
And they tell us when something momentous has happened to them.
And now we are going to play one such message.
All right.
I have to go.
I got to get up and play.
Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Matt, and illustrious guest.
I'm going to, if you want to wait.
Person from redacted.
I was hanging out with an old friend that I haven't seen that much over the years, and we ended up sleeping together.
It was great.
It's weird because I've now slept with one person twice 20 years apart.
What's in my life, man?
So, yeah.
So I think, as you can see, our show is kind of an aphrodisiac.
I think it gave this caller yeah the confidence the
confidence to sleep with the same person yeah 20 years apart yeah you know i'm now i realize now i
think i've now reached the age where that is like something i could do oh yeah i'm 38 years old
i'm 38 years old yeah which means 20 years ago I was 18 years old.
And that's when I first had sex.
Wow.
Yeah.
I was 18 years old because it was illegal to do it before then.
Well, yeah.
So you didn't.
And I'm someone who follows the law.
Yeah, so you didn't do it.
Yeah.
I had a lot of opportunities.
You show all of your partners your birth certificate, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I start with that.
I go, just so you know, I'm allowed to do this.
This is nice and legal.
And yeah, so, you know, I've turned down a lot of sex because I was just like, nah, you know, I'm just, I'm too young.
That's when I was 17.
Yeah.
I was like, I can't do it.
But as soon as I hit 18, you better believe I had sex.
You buying lottery tickets?
You better believe it.
Sex, the army, lotto tickets.
Right.
R-rated films.
R-rated films.
I guess that's 17, so I guess you may be right.
Well, I think that's NC-17.
Yeah.
I may be right.
When can you see an R-rated film?
You know, if you're a Mormon, never.
Yeah.
Which is like wild. Can they not? know, if you're a Mormon, never. Yeah. Yeah.
Which is like wild.
Can they not?
Yeah.
They're not allowed to.
Hmm.
Oh, yeah.
They got a lot of rules.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it's that.
No caffeine.
They can only watch TV shows on a list.
Yeah.
There's a list.
Somebody approves.
The Mormon list of TV shows.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They put Wonka on that list.
The Timothee Chalamet.
They can see Wonka?
They can see Wonka.
I love that.
People think that's why it made so much money. Oh, because the Mormon song. Yeah. Mormon bumpothee Chalamet. They can see Wonka? They can see Wonka. I love that. People think that's why it made so much
money. Oh, because the Mormon song.
Mormon bump.
You know what? I'm going to make a comedy
album that's going to be on that Mormon
list. And then I will make the
money. No jokes about coffee now.
No jokes about coffee. No jokes about
premarital sex. Nothing about Sprite.
Nothing about Sprite. Definitely not.
Because there's caffeine in that Sprite.
Nope.
I'm just going to be jokes
about soaking.
That's what they do, right?
Soaking?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a Mormon thing
or bubble porn?
That's a Mormon thing.
Have you seen bubble porn?
No.
No?
Hmm.
Do I want to know?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, so.
I have something in my head
and yeah, I want it to. Okay, let's say what we think. Yeah, yeah do. Okay, so. I have something in my head, and yeah, I want it to.
Let's talk about, okay, let's say what we think it is.
Yeah, yeah, everyone say what you think bubble porn is.
I imagine it is like people in bubble suits doing like sexual things, like Bubble Boy.
Like Bubble Boy.
Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah, that the people use at the ocean.
I imagine that.
And maybe like the hands stick through like when you're handling nuclear material.
Yeah, and it's like they're bouncing and doing things through plastic.
Close.
What about you?
Yeah, I mean, I think this is just a good time to say Bubble, the graphic novel, two Eisner nominations.
Wow, you did it too.
Wherever you get your book. There it is.
You're figuring out how to do the plug.
Thank you.
Not pornographic.
It's a little sexy at points.
But, okay, what do I think bubble porn is?
Yeah.
I think maybe it is like a lot of times when a cartoon character gets out of the bath,
they're kind of strategically covered with bubbles.
Okay.
They're kind of strategically covered with bubbles. Okay.
Okay.
So maybe it's something like that where an existing saucy film or photograph is altered
after the fact, kind of like George Lucas altered his classics-
To make the hot girl.
To include that sexy-
The sexy singer.
The sexy bubble girl.
The sexy, yes.
So yeah, I think it's maybe, yeah-existing piece of adult material where strategic bubbles have been added so you can't see the naughtiest bits.
That is actually pretty close.
Really?
Yeah.
So what it is is you take any picture of somebody and you just cut a circle around their midsection, especially if they're wearing
like a shoulderless thing or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
And then around here too, all of a sudden your mind fills in the gaps with boobies and
vagina.
What's hornier than the human mind?
Right.
Yeah.
Number one erogenous muscle.
So you don't even put bubbles in it?
No, you can.
I mean, I'm sure there are some Mormons who are good at Photoshop
and they do it with actual bubbles.
But this is just a cut-out circle.
So you cut out the circle where the bikini is,
and then in your mind all you see is naked lady.
And I don't mean to poke holes in this.
And again, I'm sorry I kink-shamed. You don't mean to like poke holes in this. And again,
I don't want to,
I'm sorry I kink-shamed.
You don't want to poke bubbles?
Yes,
because they'll pop.
There's one thing I know.
They will pop.
Because I'm sorry
I kink-shamed you earlier.
No, that's fine.
I've forgiven.
You've been very sex negative.
Thank you.
I want to be sex positive again.
I'm looking at myself.
I'm growing Matt Reif and Ira
going to a meditation retreat.
Oh, that's beautiful.
That's nice.
We're going to play
those singing bowls. I love those. He's good on those. He's great. Have you Matt Reif and Ira going to a meditation retreat. Oh, that's beautiful. That's nice. We're going to play those singing bowls.
I love those.
He's good on those.
He's great.
Have you heard Reif?
Yeah.
Reif on bowls.
Crowd work with a Tibetan singing bowl.
Yeah, he's like, oh, where are you from?
Where are you from?
But if you're making these,
because these are like homemade, right?
They are homemade, that's right.
Aren't you seeing the naughty bit
while you're cutting it out?
Well, someone's got to go to hell
in order for everyone else to go to hell.
Okay, there it is.
Oh, so is there a kind of a Christ-like figure
who takes on...
Who takes on that burden of cutting out the boobies
someone is definitely dying for
other sins
so there's just like a selfless
selfless Mormon out there
taking Sports Illustrated swimsuit
editions and
photos of
Timothee Chalamet at award shows
yeah and just being like
yeah I'm going for the lord yeah
but think of all the people i'm saving yeah that i'm sending to heaven so beautiful and in a way
maybe god will look at that and get and you'll get like bonus points bonus points because there's
probably a trial i assume yeah yeah that's like what it says right you go and like who's saint
peter is a judge right sure the judge of heaven
yeah yeah there's and there's a book and it marks it has everything right yeah and then he tells you
like listen negative 10 points for looking at over 10 000 naked ladies or you know swimsuit ladies
but plus 20 points for all the souls that you saved. Because you did it for everyone else.
Yeah.
He snipped for us.
Yeah.
Then you go to heaven.
Then this is my real question.
Yeah.
And I think we can answer this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're theologians.
Yeah, you guys can answer.
No problem.
Then do you get to look at naked ladies?
In heaven?
Oh, I mean, no, I don't think so.
Still?
I mean, it's heaven. What's the point then? It's, I mean, no, I don't think so. Still? I mean, it's heaven.
What's the point then?
It's, I mean.
Why?
To be closer to the Lord, Matt.
I'm sorry that's not horny enough for you.
When you're in heaven, you don't want to look at naked.
You don't care.
You don't have that kind of desire.
You just want to sit at the right hand of the king.
And you feel all fulfillment.
You don't even want to come.
Thank you. I actually, that does sound great. Oh,'t even want to cum. Thank you.
I actually, that does sound great.
Oh, no cumming?
I'm out of here.
Oh, no, my condom left.
I'm going to hell.
That's where the cum is.
Double, double, double.
Oh, I mean, yeah, they're cumming in hell.
That's, yeah.
And I mean, obviously, you're seeing naked ladies in hell.
Well, that's, then, I don't know.
You ever read those heavy metal comics, Matt?
Yeah, man. That, I don't know. You ever read those heavy metal comics, Matt? Yeah, man.
That's what it's like.
The first time I saw
cartoon boobs
was watching
a heavy metal,
the movie.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like,
I didn't know
you were allowed
to do this.
And I was like,
is this a loophole?
And how many other movies
have cartoon boobs in it?
Turned out,
not that many.
Yeah, not a lot.
Which is too bad
because I feel like
that is a market.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think there's more these days.
Oh, definitely more these days.
Oh, I haven't searched any, so.
Yeah, there's that old one, Fritz the Cat.
Oh, yeah.
Fritz the Cat.
It's like, it's from the 60s and it's an animated, but like this cat smokes pot and fucks.
Oh.
And so it's very, it's like a statement on pot.
A cool cat, so to speak.
It's like a political statement and he's in New York and he's fucking and statement. A cool cat. It's like a political statement.
And he's in New York and he's fucking.
I like that.
Fucking in New York.
Hey, the Big Apple.
The cats fucking smoke weed.
Smoke weed.
I'm going to give.
Okay, let's take a break.
I know Matt needs to do some Googling.
I got to Google something. You got to do some Googling.
Yeah, you got to look that up.
And we're going to give Matt a moment.
And then we're going to come back for more.
We'll be right back on Jordan, Jason, Goode.
Thank you.
I'm Dan McCoy.
I'm Stuart Wellington.
I'm Elliot Kalin.
And together we are The Flophouse, a long-running podcast on the Maximum Fun Network, where
we watch a bad movie and then talk about it.
And because we're so long-running, maybe you haven't given us a chance.
I get it.
But you don't actually have to know anything about previous episodes to enjoy us.
And I promise you that if you find our voices irritating, we grow endearing over time.
Perhaps you listened to one of our old episodes and decided that we were dumb and immature.
Well, we've been doing this a while now.
We have become smarter and more mature.
And generally nicer to Dan. But we are only doing this a while now. We have become smarter and more mature and generally nicer to Dan.
But we are only humans, so no promises.
Find the Flophouse on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.
Most of the plants humans eat are technically grass.
Most of the asphalt we drive on is almost a liquid.
The formula of WD-40 is San Diego's greatest secret.
Zippers were invented by a Swedish immigrant love story.
On the podcast Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, we explore this type of amazing stuff.
Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks.
Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast.
Secretly, incredibly fascinating.
Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app.
And at MaximumFun.org.
It's Jordan Jessica
I'm Jordan Morris
boy detective
I'm Matt Lieb
wife guy extraordinaire
and I'm Ashley Ray
the sweetheart of
the radio land
that's right
as they say
this is the radio
here we are
in the radio land
that's right
in your 78.3 are in the radio land. That's right.
78.3 FM.
Welcome to Radio Land.
All the way home.
We're doing a solid block of green day.
Traffic on the five. It's a hand drive.
Weather on the 10.
You know, I hope Morning Zoo Radio comes back.
I know it's around.
Yeah.
But I want it to be like, I want it to be huge again.
Yeah, I want it to be big again.
Because sometimes I'll turn it on and I'll listen to it.
And I'll be like, these guys are talking like people are listening.
Yeah.
And I want them to have, I want them to listen.
To listen.
I want them to be talking to people again.
You want prank calls.
Yes.
You want parodies of Red Hot Chili Peppers songs.
And they're doing it.
Oh, they do this one now
where a lady will think
my husband's cheating on me.
They pretend to be like a gym
and they call and they're like,
oh yeah,
we're your gym membership.
Who do you want to send a massage to?
And the person will be like,
the person I'm cheating with.
Oh, your girlfriend's on the other line.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Gotcha. We have Gotcha. Gotcha.
We have traffic in brother.
We ruined his life.
We made our life.
All right.
Yeah.
But no one's actually listening to it.
No.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
When you're listening to it, you're like, oh, man, this is for them.
Yeah.
Which is very podcast adjacent.
True.
True.
But I think that.
They're right alongside us.
I think that it's time for them to make a comeback. Yeah. So listen to your local morning radio show. True. But I think that- They're right alongside us. I think that it's time for them to make a comeback.
Yeah.
So listen to your local morning radio show.
Yeah.
Give them a tune-in.
They're out there on your FM dial.
On your FM dial.
Just start-
Turn it on.
5 a.m. to 9 a.m.
Yeah.
They literally wake up at 4 every day.
Yeah, like 4 in the morning and they-
What a life.
And they go and they play Train.
Yeah.
They're playing all your Train favorites.
They're playing all your people back favorites. They're talking about teardrops play Train. Yeah. They're playing all your Train favorites.
They're talking about teardrops from Jupiter.
Yeah, and then they throw in an Olivia Rodrigo to feel free.
Throw in a Rodrigo.
And then they're like, have you seen?
There's a Taco Bell vodka.
What is this for?
What is this for?
There's a Taco Bell.
This is in the news lately.
Did you hear?
Someone had diarrhea on a plane.
I finally watched The Bear.
Yeah.
I don't get it.
I don't get The Bear.
I like it when my wife farts.
Fart machine.
These guys.
Yeah, baby.
There was a good VH1 documentary episode that came out about that,
and it looked at the peak of morning radio
with like opiate anthony and stuff yeah right yeah dark side of the 90s dark side of the 2000s
morning talk show wars and it literally gets and i didn't i mean i was i didn't know anything about
this but like they truly like them and howard stern would be like well that's why your bitch
wife cheated on you yeah we had her on our podcast, and she showed her titties.
Wow.
It really was a dark time. Yeah.
And you know what's funny?
You could win concert tickets.
Yeah, you could win concert tickets.
Yeah, you got your minute of fame.
You want to see Beck at the Greek?
Then ruin your marriage.
You want to be our fifth caller.
My favorite thing is that all of them, you know, if you go online, you'll find a supercut of all of them learning that 9-11 is happening.
Yeah.
Oh.
Which is a very fun supercut to listen to that and just be like, oh, yeah, they're all on in the morning.
Yep.
And so, you know, they're going to, we're going to take a break from farting into the phone and talk about a terrorist act that is happening in the middle of time.
We all have to stand together.
You, me, Goober, Chainsaw. Yeah, that was kind of the beginning of touch. We all have to stand together. You, me, Goober, Chainsaw.
Yeah, that was kind of the beginning of the end
for the morning show.
Yeah, I would say so.
Yvonne, the traffic babe.
We all have to stand together.
And that's when Howard Stern was like,
I'm going to pivot to just interviewing Jewel.
Yeah.
I'm just going to ask Jewel nice questions.
Nothing ever happens.
Nothing bad ever happens when you're interviewing Jewel
yeah
things just get normal
yeah
wrote a book of poetry
anyway
anywho
um
guys this has been so much fun
this was so great
thank you so much
what fun
doing a lot of good voices
this is great
so excited
um
Ashley
Ashley Ray
TV I say is the podcast
yes
you alluded to the fact that once in a while
when Jason Mantzoukas is on the show,
your voice will change a bit.
It does.
I think as this show is dropping,
you will have dropped a episode with Jason
talking about The Curse.
Oh, yeah.
Talking about The Curse.
I cannot wait to hear that episode.
His favorite shows by category.
He keeps a running list of everything he watches.
We talk for three hours.
It gets hot.
It gets heated.
You're going to want to listen.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
TVSA is a great show.
TVSA is a podcast.
A lot of great guests.
A lot of great guests.
Folks you'll know from this show.
And no spoilers.
Just go watch it.
Go listen to it.
Go listen to it and you're going to learn to it and you're gonna learn about some TV
that you're gonna fall in love with.
My comedy album is out March 1st, Ice Cream Money.
You'll be able to stream it or buy it on vinyl
or whatever, pre-order it.
So do that.
And if you are in San Francisco,
I will be at Sketch Fest on February 2nd
for the Crossword Show.
Yes.
At the Beacon Theater, I think.
Heck yeah.
That'll be fun
dang
well yeah
Ashley Ray
truly one of the funniest
go check out
all that stuff
always a pleasure
Matt Lieb
anything
what do you got
you got anything
I am so excited
to be co-hosting with you
plug this
plug this
if you enjoy comedy
check out Jordan Jesse Go
yes it is it is one it's a long running nonsense podcast plug this if you enjoy comedy check out Jordan Jesse Go yes
it is
it is one
it's a long running
nonsense podcast
that everybody loves
especially the producer
they love him the most
you know
give it five stars
in a review
on all the apps
and follow
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at Matt Lieb
on Twitter
there you go
at Matt Lieb jokes
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this has been
Jordan Jesse Go
our theme music
is Love You by the Free Design
courtesy of Free Design
and Light in the Attic Records.
If you had a moment
this occasion,
give us a call
206-9844-FUN.
Follow us on social media.
I'm at Jordan David Morris
on Instagram.
Jesse's up there too.
And yeah,
we think you'll be back
next week
and we'll all be
having fun then.
Bye. I'll hug you be having fun then. Bye.
I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.
Love you.