Keep it Positive, Sweetie - In This New Season with Megan Ashley
Episode Date: December 12, 2023Season 3 Episode 2 | Oftentimes when people get in the limelight, they hide their love for God and only acknowledge Him publicly during their acceptance speeches. But today's guest loves God publicly ...and proudly. I invited Megan Ashley on the show to discuss her faith and how she's navigating this new season in her life post her divorce and life after Know For Sure podcast. Get your notes ready because Megan preached a good WORD!
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Hello and welcome to this episode of Keep It Pazzo, sweetie. I'm Christopher and Hayeslid.
And today we are talking about in this new season with Megan Ashley Brooks. Guys, I'm so excited
to have her on my couch today. You are absolutely stunning. Nate, so are you. Oh my goodness.
We were talking about you last night. How beautiful you are and just excited to have her on my couch today. You are absolutely stunning. Nate, so are you. Oh my goodness. We were talking about you last night, how beautiful you are,
and just excited to have you here with us today.
I'm excited to be here.
Yes, of course.
When I think about in this new season,
I think of a quote that says,
God prunes us when he is about to take us
into a new season of growth and expansion by Christine Gain.
And I feel like we're both in that area of our lives,
where God is pruning us, and molding us to what he wants us to be.
So you are a Christ-minded mother for,
formerly the co-host of No For Sure podcast,
which everyone really kind of fell in love with you.
I was like, I know this one. I was like, oh my God, who is this girl?
So amazing, so amazing.
We first met at Change Church.
I know.
Yes.
And we did that panel.
Or we had the live podcast either, I guess.
And that was amazing.
So much fun.
I was the first time I saw him.
I was like, oh my gosh, she's more beautiful in person.
Oh, that's what I said about you.
I think you know, we had a really, really good time.
We did.
It was a good talk, too.
It was a really good talk.
Yeah, it was so much fun.
Shout out, change charge, pass the day,
some pass the shimigadanials.
So let's get into it.
Where are you from?
A lot of people we've seen you on the podcast,
but we want to know who Megan is.
Yeah, so I'm originally from Columbus, Ohio.
And so when people think Ohio, they think like cornfield,
steak thing, and we have that.
I actually just went home this past weekend
and got to spend some time with my family.
But Columbus is really a progressive city.
It has great food, great art, great fashion.
It's not really known for that.
But when you go there, you're like, OK, come, it's not bad.
So yeah, Borne and Ray's there my whole life, my mom, and my dad's from Ohio, my mom's from
Mississippi.
Okay.
So, I was raised by a real Southern woman.
I love that sort of.
That's right.
That's a real Southern woman, like real Southern.
So, I was raised by my mom and, yeah, I built my life in Ohio.
Like I spent my whole, like this with,
Atlanta was the first place I moved to,
outside of Ohio.
So I brought you here.
So I moved here to help with my friends' businesses
and you know, just kind of help with her,
with her things and it was just a total transition from life in Ohio to it.
Elena is just a different place.
It's just a different.
Wow.
It is different.
Totally different place.
I love it here.
What'd you move here?
I moved in the middle of the pandemic, August 2020.
Wow.
So we were like really in the middle of the pandemic.
That's a crazy time to move. So in my house, quickly, like put middle of the pandemic. That's crazy. That's the crazy time to move.
So in my house quickly, like put it on the market,
it sold packed the kids up, packed the dog.
And we drove from Ohio to Georgia in the middle of the pandemic
and started our journey here in Atlanta.
That's incredible.
When you say started, you were with your ex-husband,
and my kids, my three boys.
And that was just like the biggest, I don't recommend that.
Like don't move in the middle of a pandemic.
Yeah.
But actually it wasn't bad because it wasn't like we had
to do, you know, activities outside the home.
True.
So we got, you know, we had all the time to pack up
and get settled, get settled and stuff.
So it wasn't that bad, but yeah, we moved here
and you know, a new journey.
Yeah, awesome.
So now you've recently said that you're going through
a divorce.
How did you and your husband meet and what made you think
this is the venue?
So I've been divorced now for since March.
So it's been, I don't know how many months that's been,
but it's been a good, what, six, over six months.
Yeah.
We met when I was 19.
And we went to the same Bible college,
but at different times.
OK, Bible college. Yeah, so we went to Bible college. college, but at different times. Okay, Bible college.
Yeah, so we went to Bible college, same Bible college,
with different times, we had mutual friends.
And I was working all the way on the west side at a bank.
So I worked for Chase Bank for a lot of years.
And that was a part time teller.
So I went to Bible college in the morning,
and then afternoons, I was working part-time teller, so I went to Bible college in the morning and then afternoons,
I was working at the bank.
And he came in a few times to make deposits and then I just kept noticing he kept coming
in and just, it was a year.
Yeah, a car line on my counter.
And he would always have these cash deposits.
And sometimes they would be big and sometimes it's like you could await it.
Like you didn't have to deposit that $10 in like
you didn't have to do that.
So he would come in and our mutual friend
that we know he asked about me
because apparently one day when I wasn't at work
one of my coworkers was like, oh yeah,
she goes to this Bible college,
like told all my business to this stranger.
Oh my gosh. And he realized that we went goes to this Bible college, like, told all my business to this stranger. Oh my gosh.
And he realized that we went to the same Bible college
and he asked one of his friends if they knew me
and went to church one night,
and he was sitting right behind me
and asked for my number.
And it just like, I was head over heels in love with him.
I mean, yeah, I was happy.
You mean like this?
It feels like it's got her day.
Yeah, we spent every single day together.
We talked all the time.
And yeah, it was just, it was somebody I never would have
thought I would date before, because he was very kind of,
you know, he wasn't like a rough tough, like a good guy.
He was very like, you know, straight, narrow, like, just clean.
And, you know, he, narrow, like just clean,
and you know, he was just different
than what I've ever dated before.
And we were so young, and I think when you fall in love,
people think that like, it's love,
but maturity has taught me that it's infactuation.
Like I was really, I think we were really infactuated
with each other.
Like love was there, but I think like,
we ain't gone through enough
to be in love with each other this soon.
We've all been there.
Yeah, so, but yeah, that's how it happened.
It moved really fast.
Wow, really fast.
At what point in the relationship did you realize,
mm, this doesn't feel right, this doesn't feel like.
I think, you know, I didn't have a grasp on what God said marriage was, what God said
a woman was, what God says a wife is.
And I don't think I had a full grasp of that.
I don't think I knew what those things were in full context.
I just had to desire to be a wife, I had to desire to be a mom, you know. And I think when life happens, that's where the relationship is proven.
If this is really a thing or not, it's this, we really call to each other.
Because life happened and life kept happening, you know what I mean.
And when my son got diagnosed with autism, my middle son Caleb, because life happened and life kept happening. You know what I mean?
And when my son got diagnosed with autism,
my middle son Caleb, he was diagnosed with autism
when he was two.
Wow.
And I had my first son Eli at,
I got pregnant at 19 and me and my husband
weren't married at the time and then we got married
after Eli was born.
And then two years later I had Caleb.
And Caleb was the child that I prayed for.
And I tried so hard to have him.
I couldn't, for whatever reason, a year after I had Eli,
it was really hard for me to get pregnant.
I could not get pregnant.
I could not get pregnant.
And I was begging God, like, please, please.
I want this baby. And taking inventory of God, like, God, please, please. I want this baby.
And taking inventory of my heart posture,
I knew that I wanted Kayla because I thought
that he was gonna redeem me from having a baby
out of wetlock.
Because now I'm married.
That's, oh my goodness.
I'm married now, and I can do it the right way now.
Absolutely.
And I wanted him so bad and for selfish reasons, then, you know,
if I'm being honest, they were not. I was going to love him. And obviously I was at least
my babe, but I wanted him to redeem me. I thought he was going to redeem me. And I prayed
so hard for him. Oh, God, I prayed so hard. Fasted, prayed. I want him so bad. God, please
please. And I remember sitting in church one day and the pastor was preaching on Jude and in Jude.
It talks about contending for the faith and I remember sitting in church and I'm having this dialogue with God. I'm like, God, please, please.
I want this baby so bad. I just want to get pregnant. Please, please. And I remember God said, I heard you don't ask me again.
Wow.
Oh.
And I was like, he was like, I want you to go pray.
He was like, now go pray for someone else to have a baby.
And he gave me two people to pray for.
And he said, I heard you.
Oh my goodness.
Don't ask me again, go pray for someone else.
And he gave me two people to pray for.
Within a month, I got pregnant.
The next month, the other girl got pregnant.
The next month, the other girl got pregnant.
We all had babies at the same time.
Oh my goodness.
So glad was kind.
And he heard me and he gave me what I asked for.
But then my son got diagnosed.
The one that I prayed for.
The one that I wanted.
The one that I, you know,
yeah.
But like I fought so hard to get.
He was diagnosed with autism in 2012,
and then the next year his pediatrician was like,
I really, you know, my gut is telling me
that we need to do more testing.
We need to do some blood work.
And he had been asking me to do it for a while,
and I was like, no, no, no, like, you know, Caleb's fine.
Like, he doesn't need to, I don't wanna put him through all that testing. And so then the doctor, his and I was like no, no, no, no, like, you know, Caleb's fine. Like, he doesn't need it. I don't want to put him through all that testing.
And so then the doctor, his pediatrician was like, I think we need to do this.
I need you to trust me.
And I need you to take him and go get a blood test.
And so I took him to the children's hospital and he was diagnosed with fragile X syndrome.
And what that is.
What's it is.
So we have, the male has an X in a Y chromosome.
So when there's a dysfunction in the X chromosome, there's nothing there to support what's lacking.
So Caleb doesn't have the protein that produces brain development.
And so technically he would be mentally handicapped.
He is at a lower level. He won't be able to function on his own.
That's what they say.
You know, he'll never graduate.
And they said you down when your child is autistic and,
in this situation with fragile acts, and they tell you these things.
Your kid is never going to graduate from high school.
Your kid is never going to have real relationships.
He's never going to have friends.
He's probably always going to have to depend on you, he's probably always gonna have to depend on you,
he's always gonna have to live with you.
All the never, never, never, never, never, never.
And when Caleb got diagnosed with autism,
I became a stay at home mom,
and then the year later we got the second diagnosis,
and it just felt like blow after blow, you know.
And I felt really guilty because I was like, dang, like this is, I forced him
here.
I felt like I forced him here.
I forced him into like selfishly because I wanted to, I wanted to redeem myself so bad.
I didn't want people to, you know, look at me in a, in the way of how they looked at
me because I got talked bad. I mean, they dogged me at church when I got pregnant at 19
and was unmarried and, you know, and so I just wanted to redeem that, that part of my life again
and I felt really bad that I prayed for him to come here. And I felt like he was, you know,
I'm like, oh my god, I prayed this child here and he's going to struggle his whole life because of me, you know, and dealing with that mommy goat and did I do enough,
did I take my prenatal vitamins, did I do this, did I do that, and you beat yourself up, and
and it played a large role in our marriage, you know, it, neither one of us, I think, knew how to deal with that.
Neither one of us knew how it was going to impact us.
And you know, when things happen in your life, it doesn't just
impact that situation, but then it triggers all things.
All the hurt, all the pain.
I think that neither one of us was prepared for that.
And it strained our marriage.
It made us...
It, through, at least for me, I don't know really what his experience was for like that,
but for me I felt like it put a wedge between us because of how our responses were very different
to his diagnosis.
Right.
And so I felt like it put a wedge between us.
And I think life just keeps happening.
And when things aren't resolved, it just powers up.
And so for me, I think that's where things shifted.
Where I was like, oh man, how are we going to get through this?
Right.
How did you begin to navigate once you said, okay, this is what it is.
I have to be here for my son.
I know you said you became a stay at home mom.
How is Kayla doing now?
Kayla's great.
He's 11.
He's the most amazing human being.
I've ever met my life.
He is the reason that I know God.
Wow.
He's the reason I know him.
Not know of him.
My mom's the reason why I know God.
You know, I was introduced to God.
But Caleb, he's the reason why I know God is real.
Like he gave me that, you know, and still to this day,
like he's completely nonverbal, but Caleb sings.
So he sings verbally, but he won't talk verbally.
But when I say he knows like his ear,
he listens to the lay of a half a way,
and he's on pitch and on key, and on, like,
and I'm like, okay.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
So I'm just so thankful that I got to experience him.
I got to experience, he's such, I mean, he's just the most amazing kid.
And to see God do amazing things in his life,
even with the stuff that they said he'll never do.
Yeah, so.
Because the God we serve, although he'll never,
he'll never, never, never.
Yeah.
God can turn into what he will.
And God created him.
You know, I think that's the thing that I always try to tell special needs moms.
It's like, you know, God, thank you.
You know, God created that child, you know, he did.
And he didn't say that we are feel free and wonderfully made if we fit society standards.
He says that you're fearfully and wonderfully made. And before, you know, in Jeremiah it says,
before I placed you in your mother's womb, I knew you.
And God knows Caleb.
So it's like, you know, I try not to look at his, you know,
struggles or challenges.
And just look at the fact that he's the one that God created.
Absolutely.
You know, so.
And it's so beautiful.
You talked about, will you openly speak about your faith
and your love for Christ?
But when you were 19, you got pregnant.
You said the church dogs you have.
Did you have any church hurt from that?
Did it pull you away from the church?
Because I know like a lot of people deal with church.
And I feel like people in church
can be some of the most critical judgmental people.
And they don't understand the hurt that they caused.
How did you even get back to,
okay, you said you guys can drag me through the mud,
whatever, but I know the God I serve.
What was that like?
Thank God I had my mother who, my mom was very active
at that church and like she was in a pretty, you know, decent leadership role.
And when I found out I got pregnant, I was so ashamed and, you know, I wanted to, I
thought about abortion and I thought about all types of things, you know, I just was so
embarrassed that because I was the kid that was like at church.
You know what I mean?
Like I was on the dance team and I did all the things.
So I was so, man, I was so embarrassed and she made me come to church.
She was like, I'm not ashamed of you.
God's not ashamed of you.
And she sat right next to me every Sunday on the second
right when she made me sit right next to her. She's like, we are not ashamed.
You know, God gave me that baby, heal out that baby to be here so that baby was
given to us by God, you know. And so you can we can be upset about you, you know,
having sex before marriage.
Like we can deal with that.
We're not going to be ashamed that you're bringing this life
into the world.
We're not going to be ashamed of it.
And if it wasn't for her, that presence of just sitting
next to me and not caring.
Yeah.
She's like, this is my baby.
And she's having my grandson.
I know that's right.
And we're going to raise this baby in church.
And we're going to love on her.
And we're, you know, and her and her friends,
like one of her closest friends is my children's godmother.
Wow.
Ronda, who just loved me.
She was that person that was a part of church too.
And she just didn't, she loved me.
She helped me play in my baby shower.
She took me to find bottles and, you know what I mean?
Like they just, the next, so I mean.
They did what Christian's just supposed to do.
Love.
Yes.
They didn't take my hardest moment or my biggest fall
or my biggest sin and punish me for it.
They loved me through it.
That's beautiful. I love that. Oh my goodness.
I know I'm like I already started in this.
I might just flatten on doing that. Sorry.
No. Oh my God.
Speaking of the shame that you felt.
Hey sweetie. We're going to get back to this week's episode
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How, because I mean, you prayed for this little boy,
you begged God and guys like stop it.
I heard you.
What, how did you even navigate through that?
Because I know from me,
walking through my shame has been hard.
And a lot of the times we don't speak about it.
You know?
And it's something that we go through privately.
What were those private moments that you had with God
in feeling shame?
Shame is like, shame is like the thing that is always at my doorstep in my life.
I feel like shame is one of the enemies most used weapon for me is shame.
And I think that to be honest with you,
I'm still even in this season of my life right now,
navigating through how I handle shame.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Of just, you know,
because it stems from that embarrassment of like,
that's not, I don't want people to see me like that.
I didn't want that mistake to be seen,
or I didn't want that thing to not work out,
and everyone have to see it.
And shame is the enemy accusing you.
It's like that thing he just wants to keep reminding you of.
You did this, you did this.
Like he just had accusing, you know,
and that's what shame feels like for me.
Like I feel shame the most when the enemy reminds me
of the things that I've done wrong,
but what has helped me,
especially in this season,
and in the season where I dealt with shame in church
when I got pregnant with my oldest son,
my mom helped me with that because she wasn't ashamed of me.
And she reminded me that God isn't ashamed of me.
And that is something I needed to be reminded of, is that he wasn't angry with me.
He didn't like that decision.
He wouldn't have, that wasn't his desire for me.
His desire wasn't for me to have my son out of
what lock, that wasn't his desire, but he still loves me.
And he was the one who placed that child in my womb.
Yes.
So he allowed it. So he, you know, so that was something that,
but now in this season, shame still tries to kind of creep up.
And God had to do a lot of reminding me,
and I have to do a lot of reminding the enemy,
that you are not going to make me remember,
or make me feel ashamed over what God has forgiven
and forgotten.
Because the Bible says not only does he forgive,
but he forgets.
And so God had to come to me one time and say,
why you keep bringing up stuff that I forgot about?
You're the one bringing it up.
I'm not bringing it up.
You're bringing it up.
You're not done with it.
I'm done with it.
When you came to me with a sincere heart,
and you said, Father, forgive me.
And you were sincere in that.
I forgave it.
I searched your heart. I know your
heart. And I've forgiven it. Move on. Yeah. Move on. But it's us that keeps bringing it up.
All the time. I'm guilty of it. You know, like, I remember when I did. Like, girl, are we
still on it? We still talking about that.
We still right.
And I'm like I was telling you before, you know, the scripture where it says, behold, I
am new.
Like he makes us new.
His mercies are what?
New.
Every morning.
And that is the faith.
That is the hope that I have to hold on to when Shane tries to come
knocking at my door.
I have to remind the enemy where you know facts, I know truth.
The fact is yes, I did do that, but the truth is, is that I'm redeemed.
The truth is, is that he loves me.
The truth is that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
These are the truth and I'm going to stand on that.
That's hard sometimes.
It's not easy and I still struggle with that.
I'm not at all trying to act like I have evolved
into this place of enlightenment.
So trying.
Getting me, yeah, it's easier.
But that's how I speak to shame.
I love that.
And also, I hope that you find peace in knowing
that everything that you feel ashamed of,
God is using it.
Like he literally can use you.
And as I was starting to read the Bible and really dive into it, I've noticed in there
like everybody he used was flawed.
I mean, it's like, you know, everybody.
Everybody.
So it's crazy.
Even that in itself, it's like we look at ourselves and we're showing a shame of things, but we have to remember, like God can use that.
And it's like you're literally a blessing to other people.
You just sharing your story.
It's going to be a blessing to so many people because there's, I know there's
some young woman or man that's watching this right now and it's like, oh my
goodness, I've been carrying this shame.
And I don't have to anymore.
We don't.
We don't. And it's like he already paid for it.
He did.
It's like it's paid for.
It's like you holding that is you saying, I rather paid for it.
And he's like, I already bought it.
It's already bought.
Let it go.
You know, be new.
It's a grace, you know.
It's a grace.
And I hope that in any story that I share,
that there's that hope that you can be redeemed,
you can be reckoned back to him.
And you don't have to hold onto the past.
You don't, you don't, don't.
So you grew up in the church.
Yeah.
You worked in the church.
Do you ever see yourself doing anything in the church?
No.
No.
Do you ever see yourself doing anything in the church? No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
In the church in the sense of like, I want to serve church.
I want to serve the people of God.
I want to always do that.
But in the sense of like doing something for church,
like in an actual church, like being a pastor.
Oh God.
No.
Oh my God.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is even doing this. It's like God's like, all right.
She's at least doing this. This is her place. Yeah.
Because I just don't, you know, I take responsibility very serious.
Yeah. And I believe that that's not something to take lightly.
Absolutely. And I know that we live in a culture where everyone wants a million followers and everyone
wants, you know, to be trendy and to go viral and to be known.
But I know the rate, the weight of that responsibility.
Yeah, it's a big weight.
And I don't take it lightly.
And I think for me, my goal and focus right now is to be the one that he knew
More than being the one that's known to everyone else
You know, I want to be the one that he knew
And I don't know why that thing has been sticking on me
But I was reading the scripture that scares the life out of me is depart from me
I never knew you and so when I was reading that scripture, I'm just like,
well, God, that doesn't make sense because in Jeremiah,
you said that before we were entered into our mother's womb,
you knew us.
So how could you ever, how could we ever stand before you
and you say that you didn't know?
Well, that would be us becoming something that he didn't
create by being something he didn't create. Somebody being something he didn't create.
Somebody answered, be there.
Oh, God.
Listen.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I'm like, also, if you're standing before him
and he says, Jafar, for me, I never knew you,
then you're not the one that he knit together
in the womb of your mother.
You're not the person created.
That's not who he knew.
And so for me in my life, as for me, right now, I got to be the who he knew. And so for me in my life, as for me right now,
I got to be the one he knew.
I don't care who many people know me.
I don't care how many people follow me.
I don't care how many people watch my podcast.
I don't care how many times a clip goes,
I have to focus on me and the one he knew.
And I want to stand before him.
And I want him to say, I know you.
Yes.
That's my girl. Oh Yes. That's my girl.
Oh, my God.
That's my girl.
That's the one that I created.
I want that so badly.
I've never wanted that before in my life.
And in this season, I want that so badly.
I want to be the one he knew.
Yes.
More than anything.
What's on you?
We see it.
Yes.
Oh, my goodness.
You got to know her about to run around the house.
I'm for you.
For you, so.
Yes.
That means you became somebody that I don't know.
That is so deep.
That would be the only.
And I'm not at theologian.
So I'm not trying to like, and I know Bible,
but there are people that will.
Yeah.
I'm just saying from that's what it spoke to me.
That's what that spoke to me.
If I stand before him and he says, I don't know you,
but he said in Jeremiah, before I placed you
in your mother's womb, I knew you.
That has to mean me.
There has to be that I have allowed the deception
of the enemy to make me become something
that you didn't create.
Jesus, Lord.
Oh, because the enemy knows that he is the, to make me become something that you didn't create. Jesus, Lord. Ooh.
Because the enemy knows that he is the,
the enemy doesn't have any power over authority
over any of us.
He doesn't.
And the only person that can hinder the purpose
and plan that God has for our lives is us
because He loves us so much that He gave us the choice.
So the enemy knows that the only way that I can get them
to not be the one that He knew is to deceive them and make you think that you're something that you're
not.
Oh my God.
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Make it. Respectly, what do you like to get out of here?
I mean, the show is, we've written it.
So good.
I'm just, those are just things where I'm like,
I have to, that's, it has to be my focus.
Yeah, and I love that because we live in the industry,
or we work in the industry, and we live in a world where people aren't as comfortable speaking out
about their love for Christ.
You know, everything is like, thank you, God.
We want to be very vague.
Very vague.
Very vague about where we stand.
And they're just saying, like, I stand on business.
I stand on Jesus' period.
You know, saying, like, I'm going to shout his name
from the beginning.
Let it be known.
Yes. What was it where you, like, I had this platform
and I'm gonna let you guys know where I stand?
I just, you know, I'm a flawed human being,
but I am not fake.
Yes.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I'm super flawed.
I got, man.
And especially without Jesus, I'm just, oh, God.
Even when he doesn't even have, like, God has to have
all of me and when he even has like 99, 49, I'm just, oh God, even when he doesn't even have, like God has to have all of me,
and when he even has like 99.9, I'm trash.
I just got to have all of me.
And so, but I'm not fake,
and I have, I've always had this like,
reverential fear of God.
And I know that if I'm ever gonna be on a platform,
I wanna lead people to him.
Yeah.
And everything that I do, I just think lead people to him and everything that I do.
I just think that that's the most important thing.
I can try to, you know, I can fit into the,
you know, five steps to making the great casserole work.
You know, or whatever, I can do that, that's fine,
but I just don't know in the time that we're living in,
I feel that there's an urgency on the health of our soul.
Absolutely.
And the health of our spiritual growth, I feel like there's an urgency on the health of our soul. Absolutely. And the health of our spiritual growth,
I feel like there's an urgency there.
And so if I have a gift to speaking about that,
then I want to use that gift for that.
And God's been too good to me.
Mm-hmm.
Same.
And the thing that he has impressed on me so much
is that whatever you think it's gonna cost you,
it didn't cost you as much as it cost him.
Oh, no.
If you think it might cost you some relationships,
it might cost you some business deals,
it might cost you some money,
it might cost you some time,
whatever it cost you,
it don't cost you more than what it cost him. Oh, and so I have to honor him with my life.
Yes.
It cost him too much to redeem me back to him.
It cost him too much for us to be reconciled.
Yeah.
The least I can do is give you my life.
Yes.
Oh, that's the least I can do.
That's the least we can do.
That's the least.
The least we can do is to give him everything.
Yeah. Because he deserves so much more, you know. the least we can do is to give him everything.
Yeah.
Because he deserves so much more, you know,
so the least I can do is give you every part of it.
The best that I can.
Am I perfect at it?
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not, but I've never been more dedicated
than I've been in the last six months.
I've never been more dedicated to him.
For me, like in my personal work with him.
What was that transition you say in the last six months?
What was it that drew you to him and said,
okay, I got a lockdown because.
My divorce being finalized in March.
And then I moved out in May.
Wow.
So we were still living together
because we had to sell our home.
Mm-hmm.
And so then I moved out in May and being on my own.
And then I just relationship changes in my personal life.
There were some relationship changes.
And I just was like, OK, God, it feels like you brought me
to this season.
And I thought it was going to be great.
I thought, OK, I'm getting my new hat.
I got my new house. So, you know, you know, out of that season and
I was talking about this on my podcast, but I was like, I was so focused on getting
out of that old season that I didn't ask God about the new season. I didn't get out
of ourselves. I was so trying to get out of it that I didn't say, God, what do you have
for me in this new season? What are you, what do you have for me in this season?
What are you requiring of me?
What are the things that you need me to get rid of?
How can I make sure that I'm stewarding this time
cooperately with me and you?
Like, I didn't ask him.
Just like I didn't ask him when I wanted to get married.
I didn't ask him about that.
I just got married.
I didn't really ask God.
I just was like, yes, the right thing to do. I got a baby. I love him. He loves me.
You know, you'll get married. Yeah. I didn't ask God. I didn't ask God, you know, and really
spend time with him and seeking him on every decision that I've made. And so he brought
me to what I say is my wilderness season. I mean, and he, I mean, the way he snatched me up and placed me in this place of like isolation
and total serendirance, me and him, where I had to like have the biggest magnifying mirror
in front of me.
And he said, yeah, we're going to search, we're're gonna get to the bottom of our stuff. Yeah absolutely. We're gonna dig up some real stuff, the deep
things that you have hidden in your heart. We're gonna really work on those
things and it's been a process and it was funny because I was on my way here I
was looking in the sink and I hate seeing dishes in my sink in the morning.
I feel like as a single mom,
I'm like in this space, like, hey y'all.
I think the bill's around here.
I cook around here and make sure the house is clean.
You got brand new Jordans on your feet there,
but I should never see dishes in this thing.
That's like, oh, the least,
if I'm giving my life to God, the least shopping doors.
Get these dishes.
These dishes.
And this sink, I just only drives me nuts.
And so anyway, I see the dishes in the sink.
And it was a bowl, and it had something in the bowl
that made when I was pouring, when I was the turn the sink on,
it was going into the bowl.
And the bowl, it looked like the water was milky, whatever was
in the bowl.
And I just kept the water running.
And I just watched it there for a second.
I felt, I don't know, I felt the whole experience.
They just sit here for a second.
And I was just looking.
And this pure water that's clear was going into this bowl, but the water was all this milky color, it's like cloudy.
And I sat there for a minute and I was like I wonder when this water is going to turn clear.
Clear, right. And it took a while, but it got lighter and it got lighter and it got lighter and it
got lighter. And eventually that clear water had purged out whatever was in there.
And so what I have learned and what God was showing me just in that moment this morning is that
sometimes when God does a work in us, we know the work that He does in us, but sometimes the evidence
doesn't look like that. That water still look, it was being cleansed. Yes.
But it wasn't all the way clean yet, right?
And so I've had to give myself grace.
And like, yeah, but the faucet's still on.
You're still getting hurt.
There are things that are so purging,
there are things that are still getting clean.
And just because it may not look that way on the surface,
or because I think I want everyone to see my change.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, you know what God is doing in you
and you want everyone to see it.
So they can be like, oh, okay, you're doing the work.
Yes, you're changing.
You're listening to that.
And another example of that, I was at an amusement park,
not that long ago, with Jordan, who's like my fourth child.
She's my little, I love her so much,
and she helps me with my kids.
And we were at this amusement park,
and you know the basketball game.
And you know those rims are like kind of,
it's like it's hard to make a shot.
So I kind of already went into it,
and I was like, man, it's gonna be kind of hard,
but whatever I'll try, you know.
And so I missed the first one, then I got the second one, then I got the third one.
And so I won two big stuff animals.
It was the first time I've ever done this for ever in my life, so I'm so excited.
I'm like, oh, I got it.
You know, I feel like a beast because they're always making fun of me, saying, you know, my kids fight basketball.
They always make fun.
And so I felt so good and I was like, man, I was having this dialogue with God. And my head, I was like, I think I wish I would have recorded that.
And he said, why?
And I said, because I made the shot, he's like, but the evidence is already there.
You got the...
How did you get that if you didn't make the shot?
Stop trying to...
You don't have...
Everyone don't have to see this.
This is a me and you thing.
This is a me and you thing.
And if you're doing it and so it's the same thing, you know't have to see this. I have to see it. This is a me and you thing.
This is a me and you thing.
And if you're doing, and so it's these moments
where I have to have this heart posture check,
am I doing this because I want a heart that God has made.
I want to be Christ-minded.
I want a heart that is pleasing to Him or do I want growth
that looks good to everyone else.
How else, yeah, and we get caught up in that.
Cut up and trying to, and it's like no.
I just want God to be pleasing because the Bible says
that the heart is deceitful above all who can know it,
but God.
Not even we know our heart.
We know heart.
He's the only one that knows it.
So why am I sitting here putting on this pressure
on myself to make everyone see what only God knows?
Mm.
Megan, my God.
You know what I mean?
These are like real, I mean,
these are real life things like I told you,
I was looking at that bowl this morning
and God speaking this up to me today.
So this is in real time, this is what I'm how I'm processing, but I'm just like, man, like I understand, I get it. You
want people to see your change, but and they and and maybe they will and maybe
they won't. Yeah, in a part of that because you want to inspire people, you want to
bring people closer to Christ. Yeah, you want to be reconciled in certain
relationships. You want things to be better. You want people to know like, hey man,
like maybe I did hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn't have the revelation of God that I have right now.
And you want people to see that you're chained. But it's like God brought me to this place.
This wilderness where it's like, this is about me and you.
Wow.
Period.
And if you trust me and you trust that I'm good, then I'll bring the right people into
your life. I'll bring the right friendships into your life. I'll bring the right friendships into your life.
I'll bring the right business opportunities.
I'll bring the right husband.
I'll bring the right community around you.
But this is about me and you.
And I need you to know that if you have me.
Yes.
You have everything you need.
You have everything you need.
So. Oh my goodness.
I'm going through the same thing.
I did an episode recently called Purging Season and you talk about purging.
And I felt like relationships with friends, family, like, you know how you ask a guy, wherever
I'm going, if you just bring along who's meant to come and then you see it, like, you
be like, oh, so nobody?
Like, where did nobody come from? Nobody's coming's coming we guys like this is what you're and it's like a really
tough time isolation silence we talked about that and for me it's a grieving
process also something I'm still grieving I was very open about it I know that
you and Beastmoan had a podcast, which everyone,
that's where I fell in love with you.
I was like, oh my gosh, I just adore this girl.
And love B2.
And you guys touched a lot of lives with it.
And then you decided that you guys, we got the announcement,
you didn't want to do the podcast anymore.
What was that like, you know, just even navigating,
because you're doing new things.
You guys are all podcast. You're doing new things, you've got your own podcast,
you're doing more with your family,
we get to see them more now.
What is that transition life for you?
It's been, it's been the most tragic blessing.
Wow.
I get ever, I mean, I feel like that's the best way
to describe it.
Like a very tragic blessing.
You know what I mean?
It sucks when, you know when you think that things are gonna work out a certain way and then they don't.
And I've dealt with disappointment in that way before of having to agree the idea that
I had of something.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
Because we're going to something you oh, this is gonna be amazing.
This is gonna be forever.
Oh yeah.
And you know, especially, and I think too, it was like,
just, I, and the enemy, because I'm like,
see, I knew.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Sometimes stupid.
You know what I mean?
Or I knew you.
But it's been, like I said, a tragic blessing
because it was the thing that propelled me into
a wilderness season, which was needed, right?
And the way that I know God now, and the way that I am experiencing His realness, His kindness,
His gentleness, His grace, His, the way that I'm experiencing the fullness
of God, His character in totality, the way that I'm experiencing now I wouldn't trade
it for anything in the world.
This is too precious to me, to regret anything that led me to this point.
That's really.
But the season that I'm in right now, it's beautiful because I get to really focus on
what God is doing in me through me.
I get to focus on the things that He gave me that I know that He gave me, like my children.
I get to really, you know, steward the things properly.
And so it just offered this amazing opportunity to do things in a way
that's more aligned with him. And so it's been a blessing. I spend more time
with my kids. I, you know, I spend more time with God. Yeah. Because I have all
the free time you're doing. And the impact that it's been having on me, the ones that are really close to me, I've
been, I've been discipled for a few months now and that's been amazing, like keeping
accountability around me, keeping, I've been in therapy since, the beginning of May and that has been
super beneficial. I mean therapy is everything like and she helps and she loves
God she loves the word she believes in Jesus and she gives me Bible you know
she's like yeah well the word says hello you know and I need that I need you I
do both I need I'm the same I need both. I need both. I need both. And so that's
important to me as well. It's just been it's been, you know, there are moments like I have on
my Patreon and I have, I'm doing this docu-series where you really get to see like how I'm living this, how I'm sharing some really intimate things on there.
And I really am just grateful for the opportunity to know God on this season.
And to just know Him and know how He sees me.
I don't think I ever saw myself the way he saw
me. And so that's been a lot of us don't. If we did it, it'd be literally it's a
game changer when you start to see yourself the way God and the
changer. And I just have never lived that way. I have a very naturally pessimistic.
I naturally don't trust anyone. I naturally don't trust anyone.
Naturally don't think things are gonna work out.
Naturally don't see myself in a positive light ever.
I don't think I ever have.
I don't like, and I've had to search this thing out.
I don't think I've ever seen myself in a positive light.
But when some tragic things happened in this last couple
of months with a divorce ending and the podcast ending
and all of those things, it afforded the opportunity
for me to learn how God sees me,
which has been the most amazing thing.
And it's just been a blessing.
I love that.
I love that. I love that.
We often talk about doing business with friends.
And you can be even only until over 20 years grew up together.
And then you're going through a divorce.
You just never know what somebody's going through.
I had no idea until we sat down and really talked.
I was like, oh my goodness.
I see you.
And you just have this glow about you.
You really do.
You have a light on you.
And I just wanted to let people know,
you just never know what somebody's going through.
And also, how does that affect
when you go into new relationships?
Are you kind of in a space where you're like,
reluctant, hesitant?
I really love Jesus right now.
Like, I really do.
And I had to admit, the other day, I was like,
I am terrified to be intimate with anyone.
Wow.
I don't want to be intimate.
I'm like very reluctant on intimacy.
I'll be honest with you.
I'll be transparent.
If you ask, I'm 100% honest, I'll, no problem.
But having the idea of intimacy,
like real intimacy, that feels like,
I don't know where I'm at with that.
I know that I am reluctant.
That's all I can say.
Right now I'm reluctant with intimacy.
I wanna get to a place where I can be with people and not think like, I'm not going to put too much into this.
You know what I mean?
And it's not a way to go into it.
And it's man or just being like, hmm, we'll see.
Yep, hmm, hmm.
But it's a protective thing.
It's like, it's almost like a shield.
Like, all right, got it.
Let me go ahead and armor up so that whatever happens, I'm ready to take the hits.
And if it doesn't, then I can take a little piece off at a time.
Yeah.
But and it's hard, though, to go through some, you know, impactful relationship changes
and not grow a hard heart. You know, and I have to daily pray.
God, please keep my heart, like keep my heart soft. And which means praying for those who hurt me.
And asking God to give me a heart for those who hurt me because I don't want my heart to grow hard. I don't want to, you know, miss genuine relationships and friendships because I'm, you know, I don't
trust myself.
Right.
And being honest and being like, you know, I don't think I trust myself.
I don't think I trust that I pick the right people and I don't think I'm, I trust what
I'm going to do in the relationships.
Maybe I'm the problem. I don't want to mess up again. I don't want to, you know,
and it's just all the enemy. It's not, you know, it's not the way that God I know
wants me to think, but I'm honest with how I feel about those things and I just
ask God to help me. And recently he had to remind me of something that he told
me a long time ago when it comes
to allowing protecting your heart.
So you can protect your heart with a brick wall or a concrete wall.
You can build that wall all the way around and you can protect it.
But then it's like no one gets to see.
No one gets to see it.
And so it's like maybe put a fence around it so that people can see your heart.
But in order to have access to it, there's going to have to be a process to have access
to that heart.
Absolutely.
You want to have a gate code.
Yeah, hello.
I'm saying to have access to my heart, but I want to be in a better place
where people can see my heart
and see how God is changing my heart
and see how he's turning my heart in certain ways
and still be wise on who I allow to have access
to my heart in relationships, platonic or romantic.
I just want to go into it with that type of mind frame.
So that's, I'm like, just keep, just pray for me.
Cause I'm like, I know that that's it.
I know I'm like, just keep, just pray for me. Because I'm like, I know that that's it. I know I'm having an intimacy issue,
but I know that I want to keep us off heart
and for people to see my heart and, you know,
and just have more wisdom on who has access to it.
I love it.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Now, you're saying that you are guarded.
You were absolutely drive-de-agorgeous.
You're single now.
Are you open to love?
Are you, like, are you still in this,
it's just me and Jesus right now.
I'm cool.
Yeah, it is definitely just me and Jesus for sure.
I think that's a lifetime thing, though.
It's like, yeah, you go out,
and I think there's wisdom in it.
Because I feel like for me,
if a woman is focused and dedicated to her relationship with God, then any man that
comes to her really would have to go through that avenue.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, not in the sense of trying to make things hard for a man.
Like you need to read Psalms and ecclesiastics and Amos.
It's like I'm not saying that.
But I'm saying that I want to be with a man
that searches God to have access to my heart,
that he searches him, and he says, God,
this is your daughter, you love her, you know her.
How do I?
Yes, how do I love her?
How do I love her?
Yeah, you know?
I want, I just, I think it's that thing.
So open 100%,, you know? I just, I think it's that thing.
So open 100%, but, you know, I think maybe in this time right now, like, God is just,
you know, healing me and allowing that time to heal and grieve so that when I, he does
open the opportunity for me to have relationships, friendships,
romantic relationships, that my heart is open to receive it.
And I can steward it properly
without trying to hop into a relationship
while grieving the last relationship.
And you know what I mean?
I just feel like it could be a distraction.
Yeah.
So I just wanna be whole, healed. And then I wanna be able it could be a distraction. Yeah. So I just want to be whole, healed.
And then I want to be able to be in a place
where I can steward it properly and be the best, you know,
be my best self in it.
Absolutely.
A little bit.
So what are you doing?
It's my last question when I'm close with this.
What are you doing daily to make sure that making is good?
So my daily routine, if I'm being honest, it
probably sounds really like, it's like girl go work out and drink water, right? Like I
feel like I really wish that was my daily routine, but I have trained myself to wake up and
go to the Bible at first instead of Instagram.
Yes.
Because Instagram is the first thing I go to because I feel like, you know, there's business
things in there, there's messages, you want to, you know, whatever.
So Instagram used to be my first go to.
And then I would be like, did I miss something from last night, like making sure that I'm
up to date with everything.
So from now, for the last couple of months, go-to is immediately, I'm trying to be
realistic.
I know I'm going to grab my phone.
I'm not trying to be, you know how people be like, yep.
I'm like, well, let's keep it a book.
I'm going to grab my phone.
I don't have a clock in my room.
I need to know what time it is.
And that phone is the clock, is the alone clock, like everything.
It's everything.
So I'm going to grab it.
So I grab it, but I force
myself to go to the Bible at first. And so the first thing that I'm digesting is the scripture
of the day. So it's God's Word, it's the first thing that I'm going to do. And then I consciously in my
head make sure that I acknowledge him before I do anything. So I open my eyes and I'm like,
thank you for this day, as I'm grabbing my phone to go to the Bible app. That's my first thing.
I take my kids to school.
And then for the first probably two hours of my morning,
I spend in my office with God, two hours.
And I don't plan on it to be two hours.
I'm not saying two hours because I'm just this amazing
spiritual guru.
I'm not.
It becomes two hours because I'm weeping and sobbing in his presence is real.
But I spend that morning doing my devotional, I read a devotional by Jackie Hill Perry. She has a 60-day devotional which I love.
And it's like so, it's short, it's not long, but it's Bible, so there's scripture that you can go to, and it's just very helpful, and she speaks in a way that I understand.
So I think that's important.
So I read that, I go to scripture, and I pray, and that's my morning routine.
And that literally, like, when I don't do morning routine with God, that messes up the tone for the whole day. It's like literally.
Yeah.
I've had to reset my day in the middle of the day.
Yes.
And be like, what happened?
Oh, yeah, you didn't spend time with me.
Y'all give me about 20 minutes.
And I'm a go, and sometimes that's all it takes.
I mean, it doesn't have to take 22 hours every day.
But I realize that if I get up or try to be mindful of preparing myself
before I have to be anything else, before I have to be a mom, before I have to be a business
woman, before I have to be a podcast host, before I have to be anything else, if I can just
give myself the first few hours of the day so that God can deposit something in me so
that I can be his first and then go
be everybody else's. And when I am his first, he strengthens me. He gives me all the things
that I need because he knows my day. I don't know my day, but he knows what my day has
in store for me. So when I go to him first, it's like, it's the cheat code. It's like, he
knows what's what I'm going to face today. So I go to him, he gives me what I need
to grace me through that day.
And that's it.
That's amazing.
I want to challenge everybody to make sure you carve out time
for God before you start anything.
I'm telling you, it is a game changer.
It's a game changer.
Yeah, game changer.
Yeah, game changer.
So you talked about this season showing you how God sees you,
which I think is so important,
but how do you feel like God sees you,
and how do you see yourself now?
I think the more that I read God's word
was the more I saw how He sees me.
And so the woman that's discipling me,
she would, she takes me through Scripture
and we break down the text, and she, you know,
really breaks it down for me so that I can
really understand what God is trying to say but when she when I read it she makes me replace the you with my name
or like she makes me personalize it like Megan you are fearfully and wonderfully made you are you know so you are a new creature. I am like, and making me personalize it, which has helped me.
Yeah.
Saying, seeing that his word wasn't just to everyone,
but it was for me.
Like it was personalize.
I keep personally allowed this beautiful love letter for me,
and just seeing that and believing it,
that he did this for me.
Yeah.
And so seeing his word and reading it and knowing it and making a commitment to know it has
allowed me to see myself the way that he sees me and you know and knowing the lies of
the enemy because I know God's word and I know when the enemy is talking because I know
God's word and I'm like God don't sound like that.
Look, he said, God did not say that.
God did not say that.
He didn't say that.
That's not, nope, that's not him.
And so just knowing those things, knowing his Word.
Now when you look in the mirror in the morning, what do you see?
Do you see everything that God sees?
Not yet.
I don't see it all yet.
I still struggle with seeing myself in totality
the way that He sees me.
I still struggle with that.
But I am by reading His word, it's in me.
And so it comes up when certain things come up.
I'm quick to make, so the Bible says
that take every thought into captivity
and make it come into submission to Christ.
So I take those thoughts when I start to have negative thoughts and I say,
uh-uh, uh-uh.
Does this align with God's word?
And if it doesn't, all right, you gotta go.
You gotta go.
You gotta go.
I'm not doing that.
And sometimes I have these leads out loud dialogues.
I'm like, uh-uh.
Yeah.
No, you can know any. No, you gotta go. I'm not in the mood for that today. I'm like, uh-uh. No. You can know any. No, you got to go. I'm not in the movie for that
today. I'm just like, no. Yeah. And I just, you know, the Bible says resisted enemy hopefully.
It's that simple. Yeah. I just, those are not thoughts that my father has given me. So I just
get rid of them. It's a daily process. Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell us what that is? He sees me as redeemed.
He sees me as graceful.
I think, like I said, the more that I read his word,
the more that I know his truth.
And if I'm a little side thing that is helpful,
is that, have you guys, you guys know like chat G-P-T,
the A-I?
Yeah.
So they have a Bible chat now.
Really?
And it's called, it's called Bible chat,
and it's like the best thing ever.
I think because I'm not saying it replaces a Bible at all,
but there are certain questions that I have, like,
how am I redeemed?
If I, like, well, God ever gets sick of me coming to him.
Wow.
The questions that I have, and so then when there's Bible to prove that like if you come to him
with a sincere heart, he's faithful.
Not going to be open, like those type of things.
And so knowing that when I start to feel that shame, bringing that shame up again, or like when the enemy is trying to convince me of something that God didn't say,
I just have to keep bringing those things up, and by confessing those things,
I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
I'm the head, not the tail.
Yes.
I'm above and not beneath.
Right? He's called me lovely.
Yeah.
You know, he knows me.
He did all of this for me.
Yes.
And I just have to just remind myself of that
and it's proven in his work.
This is what his word says.
He loves us.
Not only does he love us, but he so loves us.
That he gave his only son to redeem us back to him.
I believe that. And my faith is sustained in believing that.
And it's like you got to believe God in totality or not.
You can't pick and choose what part you want to believe.
It's either this or it's not.
He even loves you or he doesn't.
Yeah, that's real.
So if he loves you, then he loves you.
Simple.
And simple as that.
And there's nothing I can ever do to change that.
I think there's some, and a psalms where David says,
I can go to the highest mountain or make my bed in hell.
And he'll be with me.
No matter where he goes, he loves you so much
that he can't escape you.
And I start to see these things, and this
is how I know that he loves me, where it says that his thoughts
for me outnumbered the grains of the sand of all the earth,
of all the earth.
Your thoughts for me?
Right.
Little all me.
Yes.
And it's he's consistent in this.
All throughout his word, he's consistent
in how much he loves us and pointing us in that direction.
And so I just choose to believe that he's real.
I choose to believe that he's real and that his love is real. I just choose to believe that he's real. I choose to believe that he's real,
and that his love is real.
I just choose to believe it.
And that choice in believing it changes everything.
It does, absolutely.
So you've been very open on your podcast,
no for sure, about mental health issues
that you've dealt with depression,
even battling thoughts of suicide in my kids' community. When I tell you, the, thoughts of suicide, in my kids community.
When I tell you, it's like literally the teen spends hours
going through emails, trying to find letters
for our positive outcomes to read on each episode,
and they go through like almost all of them
is going through depression, suicidal thoughts.
And it's really heartbreaking.
It really is when I found that out, I was like, what? You know, and you don't understand like when you share that, how many more
people are actually going through the exact same thing. What is something that you
can share to maybe just give them some advice on how to handle that since you've
opened up about it as well? Yeah, that's it's such a heartbreaking experience.
And because I know it personally, I just hate hearing other people go through it.
Because I know what I've experienced. And I'm like, if I've experienced this,
I know what I've experienced. So I just hate the idea that other people have a really big problem with the enemy right now and
what he's doing to attack people in their minds and what I would say is is that
you have to know and I was actually said this on one of my episodes, I was
saying you have to know who your God is and you have to know who your enemy is.
And that the enemy is a deceiver. And like I was saying before, he knows that
the only way for you to forfeit the promises that God has for your life is for you to do it.
And so he wants to deceive you into thinking that you are unworthy, that you are, you can't
be redeemed, that your life isn't worth anything, and these are lies.
But he knows that if he can get you to believe this,
that you will forfeit the things that God has for you.
And you have to know that it is a trick.
It is a sick trick of the enemy
to make you think that your life has no purpose.
It is one of the, it is one of his biggest influences right now.
It is. Yeah.
Is to get people to think that their life isn't worth it. And the only thing that I can say
that has worked for me, for me, I have done medications, for depression, for suicide,
for anxiety. I've done those things
The only thing that has worked for me is
Knowing who God is yeah, and really believing in who he is and who he says that I am
Yes, and really believing it and I don't know a way to I don't have a five steps on how to get to that point to believing it. And I don't know a way to, I don't have a five step on how to get to that
point to believing it. But I do know that I have been desperate enough where I've tried
everything. And I think that sometimes that people get confused with people who battle
depression and suicide. And they think that, oh, you just want to dot, like it says, and
it's not that, it's that this pain that I'm feeling causes me not to want to live
But it doesn't mean I'm trying I want to die. I know I have a desire to die
I just can't live with this pain. Yeah, this pain feels too deep into it's consuming me
It's consuming my thoughts. It's consuming everything in me and it feels that I am never gonna get out of this pain
And when I tell you, for me, the only person, the only thing that has relieved that pain
has been God's love and his presence and his realness and his word and it has healed the deepest wounds in my heart.
The deepest wounds in my heart. He has been the only thing that has helped me,
the only thing that has fully made me free from that.
Now I still struggle, I struggle,
you know, I struggle sometimes.
And there are opportunities that present themselves
for me to fall into a depression
or for me to, you know, think that my life is worthless and I can't
move on and I can't do anything, but it's a feeling and that's it.
It's not real.
Yes.
It's just a feeling and it's a feeling that the enemy likes to manipulate because he's a
manipulator.
Yes.
And so you just have to know the truth.
You have to speak the truth over yourself.
You have to know, surround yourself with people
that are going to speak truth to you.
Speak God's Word to you.
People that are going to hold up your arms
and say, hey, listen, I know you can't hold yourself.
It's okay.
I'm a hold you.
I'm gonna speak God's Word to you.
Even if you don't know it,
even if you don't believe it,
I'm gonna speak it over you. Therapy, even if you don't know it, even if you don't believe it. I'm going to speak it over you.
Therapy, getting a good counselor.
You know what I mean?
Getting help, godly wisdom.
Yes, yes.
Godly wisdom.
And then, you know, there are some people that sometimes just take an inventory and having
someone who can help you really take good inventory
of your heart.
Because sometimes you not depressed, you disobeyed it.
Yeah.
You not depressed.
That in my friend Bre said this, she said, yeah, you not depressed, you disobeyed it.
You don't have anxiety, you're disobeyed it.
There's a difference.
Because sometimes that freedom is on the other side of obedience.
Sometimes there's something that God is requiring you to do
and you keep avoiding it.
And you're wondering why you keep finding yourself
in this same situation.
And I'm guilty of it too.
I have a chemical imbalance.
So I'm not saying that God, you know,
but there were things that He required me to do.
And once I started doing those things,
I started to feel free.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? Sometimes it's just on the other side of obedience.
Sometimes it is medication and a therapist with godly wisdom.
Sometimes it's a combination of things.
But I do know for me including God into that process, whatever you do.
Because he's the ultimate healer, he's the ultimate caregiver, he's the ultimate,
like, and so just adding him into that routine,
I think will show the difference and help.
You know, and so.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing that.
I hope that helps.
I hope that helps.
No, I mean, it helped me, so I know it.
I did it will.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We are coming to the close of the show and we do something
that is called positive outcomes where our listeners write in
and we give them advice.
OK.
Listen says, hi, Crystal.
I'm a 53-year-old man just coming home from prison
on false charges.
I'm a God-fearing, spiritually inclined man who believes
in our being made in the image of our Creator.
My passion lies in service, and it does my heart good to know that my God-given ability
was able to help make someone's life better or solve a problem for them.
As I mentioned earlier, I came home a few years ago, and the signs and pressure have been
a deterrent for me.
Both family and friends expect the person who left
and not the person who returned.
I was recently blessed to hear a sermon
where a preacher talked about the power of attitude
and what I should or shouldn't allow
to affect my spiritual walk.
Do you have any advice for walking a more spiritually
engineered walk when I tell you that all the tests
are presently showing up to pull me away
from my right walk
would be an understatement.
I wish my wishes to continue to serve and my hope is that God will bless me with favor.
Wow.
I can't imagine like my life coming to a halt, off of something that I did not do.
How many years?
He didn't say how many years he just gave.
He's been home for a few years.
For fall's charges.
Well, I would say sometimes people cannot forget who you were.
When you say family and friends still want the guy who left and not the guy who returned.
It may take a while for them to realize, hey, you really change, you're not the same person.
But what I would do is continue to pour into your word,
make sure that you go to church, surround yourself with community.
I know my church has different groups that you can connect
with people so that you're not on this island by yourself,
trying to come close to the God and keep that walk.
I feel like when you have accountability partners
and people that are on the same walk as you,
it makes it a lot easier to make sure that you stay focused.
Yeah, yeah.
I think, you know, sometimes people prefer you broken
and because it makes them feel better
about their broken.
Yeah, they don't want to see you change them.
Yeah.
And changing and growing makes them feel like now they got to step it up and changing
grow.
You do?
Yeah.
Um, I think you have to have grace for them too.
Mm.
Because they don't know this person, yeah.
And so you have to give them grace.
Because you know the changes that God is meeting you, but that doesn't mean they know that,
like I said, they may not see it yet.
They're still purified, you know, they just don't
see it yet. So I think having grace for them as you are navigating through this
new chapter of your life and then asking God to bring in the right people that
that can help you where you are right now and help you grow better and further
into that journey. So I think you you know, a combination of those things,
but I would say give your family grace.
Because they don't know this person.
They don't.
And they'll get to know them and just they consistent.
And God is faithful that when you ask Him for help,
He's faithful to give you help.
And so, so yeah.
Just hanging there.
Love it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And oftentimes in the grieving process, you kind of leave hope,
hoping that things will change or you have moments where you're like,
I think I should just reach out or maybe I should do this.
And then something comes along and it let you get news,
certain things are happening and like, okay, no.
It's like almost like signs that keep coming.
Whatever you thought, you have a moment, don't do it, don't go back.
And I am going through, finally closing the door
on some chapters that I was leaving cracked, you know.
And growing through, knowing that I say this all the time,
everyone can't go with you, but actually learning that,
because when you say, everybody can't go,
you still hope that they'll figure it out and so they can't come, you know, yeah, um, so I'm growing through that as well
Yeah, I love that probably the same thing. I think I'm in that same
transition of
going through a
new season and
growing
new season and growing growing in the new season too. I think it's the same. Like literally the same. Like just allowing God to help me as I'm navigating through this new season.
So I'm going through it and I'm growing through it. Like I'm just you know so yeah I think
the same thing that you're experiencing and we were talking about it. Everybody is
experiencing.
So we ended with keep it blank sweetie and this is what we want to tell our
followers or listeners to do. For this episode I'm gonna say, we touch on so much, and so much is resonated with me.
I wanna say, keep it hopeful, sweetie.
I like that.
I'm gonna say, keep it faithful.
I love that.
Be faithful.
Yes. Oh, my gosh. Megan Ashley Brooks, keep it faithful. I love that. Be faithful.
Yes.
Oh my gosh.
Megan Ashley Brooks, everyone.
Oh my goodness.
Thank you so much.
I'm telling you.
I need it this morning.
I'm new.
Listen.
I'm telling you everyone that says
on the couch ends up saying it.
But I'm so happy that you're happy
that you came.
You feel like this is good.
It was really good.
And I know you guys are gonna enjoy this episode.
Guys, if you want to write into our positive outcomes,
listen to the letter right into
keepitpositseutyatgmail.com
and that's sweetie with an i.e.
You can follow Kip's on all platforms
and keep it positive, sweetie.
You can follow me on all platforms at
LoveCristorRene and that's LUV,
KristorRene, Meganer, people they can find you
and let them know what you got going on.
So we can jump on board and support you.
Yeah, so you can follow me on basically
all social media platforms.
It's I-M, Megan Ashley.
And I just have my new podcast,
in Totality, which is doing really good.
I'm so excited about it.
So, yeah, so all of the streaming platforms you too,
you can subscribe to my channel,
have a Patreon community where they get like exclusive,
like BTS stuff, and they get my Docu series,
where you can kind of see the how I'm living this thing out.
So, yeah, that's amazing.
I'm so far from me to be like, follow me on.
Right. But now we have
living there we can find you so I'm excited for what the future holds for you. God bless you. I'm
proud of you. Thank you. And I'm here for you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so excited. Thank you so much.
Absolutely. This is so good. Yeah. Thank you.