KILL TONY - #652 - LUIS J GOMEZ + JEFF DYE + KIM CONGDON
Episode Date: February 27, 2024Luis J Gomez, Jeff Dye, Kim Congdon, Casey Rocket, Kam Patterson, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, Jon Deas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Kristie Nova, Yoni, Kino Loasis, Tony Hinchcliffe, Br...ian Redban – 02/05/2024 Head to https://www.squarespace.com/killtony to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code KILLTONY Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code TONY at https://manscaped.com. Embrace a new you, and definitely embrace a new trimmer – courtesy of Manscaped. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Every week, I have some of the funniest people
in the world on the show.
This week, absolutely no different.
Three very, very, very funny comedians. You know them. You love them. We're going to have a
blast here together. Some of my favorite people make some noise for Lewis J.
Gomez, Kim, Congden and Jeff die. Everybody. Oh yeah.
The great Legion of skanks, Lewis J. Gomez,
the great powerful Jeff die joining the fray.
And that is Kill Tony's first ever regular, Kim Congdon.
Legend of the Kill Tony universe, Lewis Shagomez.
Welcome, my friend.
I'm so happy to be back here after the Ric Flair debacle.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Woo!
Boo!
Boo!
Unbelievable.
Still haven't heard back from the nature boy
after that one.
Wild night.
We love him though.
Jeff Dye, welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me.
Actually, you made me hate Ric Flair. Ah, damn it. I was a big fan of for having me. Actually, you made me hate Rick Flair.
I was a big fan of him till I watched that episode. Now I hate Rick Flair. Me too.
I really do.
The great Kim Kongden. Everybody seriously. She was writing a minute every week on the show.
Ten and a half fucking years ago. Something crazy.
Welcome back. Roast Queen. We love her. She fucking hits
hard. Everybody's ready. You guys know how it works. 100 200 some fucking crazy amount of people
signed up for the chance to get 60 seconds uninterrupted do stand up on this stage in front
of a sold out crowd at the number one comedy club on planet earth. You know, there's 60
seconds is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up.
Then I'll say, bring out the angry West Hollywood bear,
which interrupts them.
And then I interview them and we have a bunch of fun.
We find out more about them and make the most of their
opportunity on stage.
You guys ready for this shit?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, there's only one way to start an episode like this,
everybody.
How many of you are actually fans of the show?
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, doing a brand new minute, a legendary regular.
You guys know the words?
This is Hans Kim, everybody. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, retard, retard, retard. Why aren't you doing it?
Did you vote for Biden, Faggot?
Faggot, Faggot, Faggot, Faggot.
Any black people wanna start the next chance?
Oh.
Legally, I'm not allowed to start it anymore. I can jump in in the middle, though.
I'm glad that the new Apple Vision Pro came out,
because now it won't look so weird masturbating on the bus.
I hate poor people.
Poor people always bragging about how poor they are.
They're like, I grew up on the streets, man. I just feel French for it. So I'm always bragging about how poor they are.
They're like, I grew up on the streets, man.
I didn't steal French fries to survive.
My best friend was locked in a cage.
What are you, a pigeon?
It's not like a pigeon, bitch.
All right, that's my time. Thank you.
Fuck yeah.
The great Hans Kim. How you feeling tonight, Hans? I feel amazing.
I've been, you know, really working on myself.
I've been taking three showers a week.
So it's pretty good for me.
Why three showers a week?
I didn't know that you were this uncleanly.
I just don't shower that much.
I'm pretty clean as it is.
I'm Asian.
I'm trying to use my strengths.
I save all that shower time to study. I just don't shower that much. I'm pretty clean as it is.
I'm Asian.
I'm trying to use my strengths.
I save all that shower time to study the art.
Wow, he has no hair.
So when they say shrimp dick,
they're talking about the smell?
Oh, wow.
No doubt about it.
I love it.
I've been pretty good. I've been, uh, having sex.
I like this look. It's like 50 shades of beige or something like that.
Someone dress you like that. Did you do that?
Yeah, my friend Amira is helping me. She's Palestinian.
You need to get Amira. Hey, that is true.
Jeff Dye.
I'm glad you told me that I shouldn't interrupt
the comedians for the first 60 seconds
because I was gonna do the black person chant.
I was like, ah, all right.
Kim.
Hans, I think your jokes are great.
I like that you came out chanting your own name.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
What else is going on in your life this week, Hans?
Anything else, Big?
Sex is always a great thing for me.
I've been with my ex, you know,
we've been hooking up after the breakup and...
What's her full name?
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That's interesting, because last week, up and watch her full name.
That's interesting because last week it seemed like you guys were taking a real break.
Yeah, I accidentally ordered $200 worth of door dash on her
account. And I was mad at her, but then I went over and I
started crying and bawling my eyes out and now we're you
were. Yeah, you were full of dog so a full of what dog oh well
an asian person balls their eyes out is not a limited do you guys have the same
amount of tears as we do seems like you guys are like restricting it a little
bit right they come out in rectangles. I mean, we just squeeze it all out.
White people can like put it around the sphere, the eyes.
I'm offended.
How do you think they make duck sauce?
That is true.
How do you spend $200 on door dash Hans? I
tip the delivery drivers 50 bucks each. I ordered two things. Wait, what? I've
tipped them 50 bucks. You do? I did just to because it was her credit card. I Oh,
you knew that it was her credit card. Yes. Okay. So I wanted to spend her money, but I venned her back because I felt bad after I had sex
with her.
Wow.
This is very weird.
You are unbelievably honest and very revealing of a lot of very interesting shit.
This guy lives by a strange code.
This is unbelievable. So this was your, were you trying to like get her back?
Were you trying to be in communication?
You knew she was going to be like, Hans, you spent 200 on DoorDash.
Yeah, but she didn't respond.
And then I had to go over there to pick up my drone remote controller.
Holy shit.
Just the remote controller?
You could have bought two of those with those tips that you just spent, man.
And then I cried and then we had sex with a guy. Holy shit. Just the remote controller? You could have bought two of those with those tips that you just spent, man.
And then I cried, and then we had sex with a condom twice and without once.
This is unbelievable.
See, people are like, why is Hans, what is the deal with Hans?
And I'm like, do you listen to these interviews?
I don't even have to do anything.
He gives you just everything you could ever
possibly want to work with in the world.
So some with, some without?
Yeah, the first two was with and then the last one,
it was without.
Oh, you could hear him smiling.
You could hear the talk.
Yeah, the first two, there was none,
and then the second one, there he was.
That's unbelievable.
You just can't hide how excited you are
to use that fucking raw fucking raw.
Is it still raw dog if you do it?
This is where you should do the dog joke.
Raw dog, I got it, there we go.
Terry has a lot of dog inside him.
Didn't work twice, that's how bad it was.
And they knew I was
making fun of it. When you're making a dog joke, you got to leave a little pause. Thank
you, Michael. Okay, Hans, we have, we have come to a very, very interesting agreement.
You and I earlier on the phone to, he is battling Rick Diaz in an unbelievable,
unbelievably exciting rematch. He, while he won, he went on to challenge Rick Diaz
to silence the haters. It's happening May 10th live from the LA Forum.
Right? So we realized that what's not fair is that Rick gets to prepare
this super minute over months without having to spend any minutes or
interviews on the show. So it would be fair to give Hans Kim a break.
So unless he absolutely wants one,
he will not be performing until May 10th live at the forum on kill Tony.
I know, I know, listen to the controversy.
This is, I'm telling you, it's so funny.
He's about to stab himself on the sword.
You guys love Hans Kim, don't you?
See, this is what I'm saying.
It's Chinese bots working against him, I think,
like that online and shit like that.
That could be nobody hates Asians more than other Asians.
This is true. You would agree with that right? Well, shame to us. Well, yes, absolutely.
So until he wants to again, that was Hans Kim. How do you feel about this Hans? I feel great. I'm going to energize.
I'm going to recharge. I'm going gonna come back better than ever. You know?
Yeah.
A lot of people cheered for me on that night at the arena
and I'm gonna work hard for them.
Absolute fucking Lutely.
There you go.
And that was Hans Kim, everybody.
Make some noise for Hans, everyone.
And I will tell you right now, indeed,
And I will tell you right now, indeed, later tonight, you will all meet the new regular that will open the shows every week here on Keltone.
Isn't that exciting?
But now we go to the bucket, ladies and gentlemen, where anything can happen.
As you know, these could be crazy people.
It could be someone's first time.
Anything can happen.
You guys ready?
60 seconds uninterrupted going to your first bucket
pool of the night, Molly Matledge everyone,
because Molly Matledge. Hi. A bit about me.
I love fun facts.
A little fun fact I learned through watching a few seasons of While and Out is that black
people, stick with me, think that white people put raisins in their potato salad.
Now, I don't know what the fuck is putting raisins in their
potato salad. Because let's be real, it's mayo or mustard.
Keep it moving.
But it does beg the question. White people, are you putting
raisins in your potato salad?
And if not, why do black
people think you do? Well, we'll come back to that. Another thing that I love
are fun facts that rhyme, maybe impart a little wisdom. One of my personal
favorites, liquor before beer, you're in the clear. But beer before liquor, you'll fuck your coworker.
That's facts.
Whoa, look at that.
That got a huge laugh in this one.
These people are desperate for comedy here tonight.
They are really, all you have to really,
they're just listening for pacing and timing at this point.
They're pretty much giving it up for anything.
I practiced.
You did? Oh my goodness, I love it.
This is the scariest fucking one of the conjuring movies I've ever seen right now.
I'm not sure what the fuck is happening.
This is something out of my nightmares.
You do look like if Chucky was a housewife.
It's fair.
I love her.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
So how long you been doing stand-up, Molly?
That was unbelievable.
First time.
First time, hell yeah.
I'll tell you.
You need a little raisins in that potato salad.
You know what I'm saying?
You gotta add a little fucking sum,
some spicy mustard, something funny,
really anything.
Gotta dose up, dose it up.
Paprika. Paprika. Paprika. Paprika. You gotta add a little fucking sum, some spicy mustard, something funny, really anything.
Oh, gotta dose up, dose it up.
Paprika.
Paprika, absolutely.
I'm gonna say for her first time,
she was absolutely horrible.
It was the worst thing that I've ever witnessed
in my entire life.
Holy shit.
Garbage.
God damn it, lady, you pissed me off.
That seemed like comedy school, right?
Or comedy college.
Did you try to like research this?
Were you like trying to strategically be funny?
Cause it does feel like Red Band said it feels like something,
somebody like took a comedy class.
It was like, okay, something,
a pop culture reference, Wild and Out is really hip right now.
And then, well, what's something else we can all agree on?
Potato salad.
He's getting the wonderful.
She even moved to Mike's stand, like a comedy class.
Yeah.
I asked.
You asked what?
I asked them.
I was thinking about taking it off.
And I was like, what do you recommend?
He was like, I see the professionals.
He said, take it off, put it behind you.
The guy, the producer that helped you up to Sarah said that?
Who is that? Is that Colt? Is that you?
You're giving these people fun?
The professionals take it out of the mic.
You being creepy over there, dude?
This is a little insight to how scary that back tunnel can be.
Someone gets rushed over. They have to cross two streets.
They're literally like, oh, fuck, so I'm definitely going up, right?
Do these people, you must It shouldn't interview you sometime.
Look how afraid he was to get fired. Tony was like, what guy did this to the guys like I didn't
know please. It wasn't him and his defense wasn't oh shit. He looked like Mario got back there.
She puts raisins in her potatoes out that she ain't no snitch. Oh shit. Wait, was that you or her?
That was me. I'm like, wait, I'm trying to fucking. I was like, that bitch just
get a laugh like that. Women can be funny. Of course not.
So Molly, what made you wanna start stand up now? Is it crazy if I ask how old you are?
I just turned 41.
Okay, there you go, 41.
What made you start comedy at 41?
Gosh, a feeling.
It was just like inside,
like I just felt the need to do it.
That was menopause. I've followed comedy for years.
I've written things down, I've always enjoyed it, I've gone to many, you know, open mics.
I've never done any schooling.
Talking to the microphone if you have all this experience.
I've done so much shit.
I did a lot of research.
I was doing my homework.
I've seen all the professionals.
I know how to do it.
Fuck yeah. I've done so much shit. I did a lot of research. I've seen all the professionals. I know how to do it.
I haven't done any of that. Yeah, no.
Wow, okay. So what do you do for work Molly? HR. HR. Oh my goodness. You do comedy like an HR person. It's incredible.
Raisins and potato salad, I'm like, what?
What, what?
Like who does that?
And why would you?
And stop that.
That's my time.
And somehow wild and out has to do with it.
She's gonna kill on Facebook groups though. and somehow wild and out has to do with it.
She's gonna kill on Facebook groups though. I mean, yeah, every HR person is gonna be like one of us.
Fuck yeah, the little red machine Molly Matledge
or you're a true ginger.
This seems through and through.
There's no fake in that right. My mom's 80% 80 true ginger. This seems through and through. There's no fake in that. Right? My, my mom's 80 percent, 80 percent ginger. Okay.
How does that work?
Retard.
No. Uh, so, uh, okay. You work in HR. What do you do for fun?
Tell us about the wild side of Molly. That's what I wanted. Am I right?
Doesn't she seem a little too fucking cookie cutter?
Tell us, what's one of the wildest things
Molly does on a regular basis?
Well, one thing I thought you might think was fun
was I love rap, Texas rap.
Very well versed.
Get the fuck out of here.
Very well versed.
I feel like you only sing the parts
where they say the N word.
No.
You can probably play anything.
The reverse white filter just gets excited play anything. Just gets excited. Do you? Okay. Can you
think you could freestyle like salt and pepper at most like maybe but that's it.
Wait, what? Like salt and pepper. You can pepper. What about salt and pepper?
She's talking about about things to put in the potato
salad.
Oh shit. Oh shit. So what about Salt and Peppa? You just said I
just said can you rap? I don't know, I can't rap.
I can, I can just repeat the lyrics.
I'm like a woman thing ever.
Right?
That's about it.
What was that fucking, it's not no scrubs,
they're a fucking.
But I do, I mean, I probably sing along
to a lot of the songs.
What a man, what a man, what a man.
Oh, I know rap.
What a man, what a mighty good man.
This is a me with some Texas rap.
Yeah.
Who's ready to rap everybody?
Welcome to, welcome to White Raps with Molly Malich.
She saw an episode of Wild and Out once
and she's never been the same since.
Oh my, what's Molly gonna rap about today?
What a man, what a a man? What's a man? What's a mighty good man? Yes, he is indeed he was. What do you mean
something Peppa? She's having nineties fucking. How's that Texas wrap of all
things? Definitely not.
I thought you she was gonna like sipping on some syrup or something like that.
Texas rapper you talking about?
Let's not give her any.
Oh ESG slim.
That's like I have photos with them on six street big mo resting piece,
but like I legitimately switch a house free students.
Big Mo resting.
She almost powed out some Hennessy on that one.
She almost pulled out one of those little airplane bottles, you know?
Big Mo, I mean.
This is the Molly they all rap about.
Big Mo, Big Mo R.I.P. one of the good ones.
I'm gonna pull one out for him.
Holy shit, Molly. Tell us more about this urban lifestyle of yours. I'm in the Texas wrap, salt and pepper, and a good time. I pee to all the homies that have passed on before me.
I roll her skate.
You roll her skate?
Now that I fucking believe.
The Texas wrap thing, she had a fucking boyfriend.
She had a fucking boyfriend.
I'm in the Texas wrap, salt and pepper,
and I'm in the Texas wrap, salt and pepper, and I'm in the Texas wrap, salt and pepper, that I fucking believe the Texas rap thing
she had a fucking boyfriend should open with a roller skating yeah roller
skating is much more believable I can picture you you skate backwards you like
do crazy shit that's still pretty black yeah that is I've seen the videos you
uh you ever been with a black man they They really like ginger's. Oh, yeah, you have
Oh, look at this. That's where this is coming from
Hell yeah
Fuck yeah, is that your type? Is that your main go-to?
It probably was more of a
You're gonna say a phase
You're about to say phase just that
a phase? What the like?
Jesus.
Are you about to say phase?
Just that?
It's real racism.
It bled through.
Was it black spider-man?
I dated a lot of black dudes when I was younger.
A lot?
That hurt my feelings and I'm Puerto Rican.
Well, no, like majority were black is I guess what I meant to say.
Wait, what?
Majority were black when I was younger and growing up.
I might, maybe I'm not answering the question. Okay, when's the last time you were with a black man?
Oh, shit.
More specifically, a blind baseball.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Fuck!
What was that in here?
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck.
She's got red hair, D. What are your thoughts about redheads?
All the same to me.
Can you tell if someone's redheaded D? Is there like a sense or something?
You ever feel that? Or just no?
All right.
No, but he likes music, so he knows she has no soul.
Oh.
All right, get back over there.
You're creeping everybody out.
He doesn't know you're next to Molly.
Before I let you go, you are a very interesting interview.
You seem like a real human.
Like you still have a soul and everything.
What is the most trouble you've ever gotten in with the law?
Fucking a black guy.
Wow.
That's why that phase ended early.
And I'm gotten a little bit of a...
Curfew violation went on, it's 13.
Oh my goodness.
Road to the cop car.
Holy shit.
You crazy bitch.
Fucking wild and out, am I right?
Count, count.
Molly, fun times.
Here's a little joke book.
Congratulations on your first time on the show.
Have a great night.
Molly Malych, good catch by the way.
Good first time really.
Like for first time.
Come on, make some noise for Molly everybody.
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All right, keeps going on.
Your next bucket pool.
I do believe we've seen this young man before.
Makes the noise for the great Trey Campbell, everybody.
Trey Campbell.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, everybody.
Um, I've been getting a lot of ads on Facebook for things I don't need, mainly for free
HIV testing.
I don't understand why I'm getting this.
I haven't been with a dude since I was seven.
Shit's crazy.
It happened the day before Thanksgiving.
I can tell you what I wasn't thankful for.
That.
I had to watch the whole Macy's Day parade standing up.
Shit sucked.
He told me, he was like, yeah, man,
this is what you do when you're in a relationship.
And by God, when I lost my virginity, I got pegged.
So I guess that he was right.
This is just trauma. I I guess that he was right.
This is just trauma. I'm not even telling jokes anymore.
This is cool.
Anyways, I'm very nervous.
I'm not drunk.
So, yeah, you know, it's crazy.
I hooked up with this girl.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Go ahead.
You hooked up with this girl and what?
It's just, I hooked up with this girl on Facebook dating
and we went to dialysis.
You're adorable. Trey Campbell. How about a hand for everybody? William Montgomery.
If he was a parade float. Thank you. Let's just jump right into it. Louis J Gomez.
Give it up. Give it up giving up for Molly son everyone. That is my mom actually. We are at a hundred percent ginger bucket pool.
This is incredible. This is never happened before. There you go. That's you
know what that you know what that sound means everybody. Multiple redheads. There
you go. I love it. Hello. welcome back to the show, Trey.
You've been on a couple times before.
This is my third time.
Right, and you did some fun stuff with William early on.
Had a great time.
I was really high on Adderall.
And now you're doing stand up all the time.
How long have you been doing stand up?
About a year and a half.
You love it?
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
What else do you do?
How do you make money?
I work at the secret group sometimes. What do you do there? I'll stand by the door and like check people's
IDs and like they think I'm not working there because you look at me I kind of
look like a bridge troll but you know you look like something that's for sure
Kim Kong. Thank you. I appreciate it. You look like a bridge troll or reddit troll.
I like that you're dressed the same way you were the day you got molested.
Thank you. No, yeah.
It's adorable.
Clothes fits perfectly.
I can tell you what didn't fit perfectly.
Fucking Trey Campbell.
The guy's cock, right?
She's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, it's penis.
What kind of penis are you working with? Trey Campbell? What is it? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the drapes is it,
does it look like a fucking clown? No, I'm actually like, no, yeah, it does. I was
trying to think of something funny to say, but it didn't. No, yeah. I imagine a
lot of pubes. Am I right? Does it like peek out like your hair does just fucking
like a little bit? It's kind of like a miniature version of like my actual head.
Imagine Louis CK and fetal position.
It's a funny cock.
Trey always getting laughs.
What else haven't we talked about in an interview?
You must have thought of some stuff since the last time you were on that might
be fun to share. Yeah, man, it in an interview. You must have thought of some stuff since the last time you were on that might be fun to share.
Yeah, man, it's been crazy.
Like, I had somebody notice me at Kroger from this show,
and I was really excited because I thought he was gonna let me shoplift.
He didn't.
He didn't let me shoplift.
I gotcha. I gotcha.
How far did you commit to the shoplifting thing?
I was like, hey, can I keep these?
And he was like, no.
Yeah.
Wow.
I'm like the worst criminal ever.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm gonna leave with this if it's alright.
Is it alright?
It was not alright.
Hell yeah.
What was it?
It was just a 24 pack of Dr. Pepper's.
You know what?
You're not a...
He's just a shitty fan.
That's all that means.
Yeah, fuck that guy.
Yeah, you're not a bad shoplifter.
Hope he gets fired.
The fact that you added a plural to Dr. Pepper is incredible.
Is it 24 pack of Dr. Peppers?
It's the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. There's 24 Dr. Peppers. It's the most adorable thing I've ever seen
twenty four Dr. Peppers in the box. I just wanted to say all I want to is
twenty four Dr. Peppers. They're expensive now. You're cute. You're like a fucking
like some type of fuck. I don't even know why he's like an e-walk or something
like that. Right. Thank you. Holy shit. I appreciate it. My God. You ever use this cuteness or
adorability for fucking to get good things other than a 24 pack of Dr.
Peppers? Well, um, no, I should. You should. You should go one Dr. Peppers at
a time. Yeah. Mind if I have this can of doctor? I bet if you said that, if you
said the full name to them, they'd be like fucking get out of here. Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah.
You mind if I have this can of Dr. Peppers?
I should have.
Fuck yeah.
This is fun.
Hell yeah.
What's your love life like?
Not great.
Tell us more.
What are you into?
I just like any woman that's like, would like me.
I don't know.
It's the saddest thing I've ever heard of my entire life. Thank you sweet.
And I just and I just watched Molly's one minute. That's my mom.
Wow. When's the last time you were with the woman tray? Probably about three
weeks ago. Where was that in Houston? Now it was in. Well, yeah, sort of it was
in Porter, Texas. Oh, anybody here for Porter?
What are you from the census?
I wish that'd be a dope job just going around asking people where they're from
that's open mics. Oh
I've done a lot of those. All right, Trey, well, how's moving to Austin?
Now you said you're gonna move to my goal. You know, my cruise is pretty comfortable. You're what my
Chevy cruise. We talked about this last time. Remember, I thought you
were pluralizing the word crew, the cruise. My crews are doing go. We're
drinking Dr. Peppers. I would love to have you back on the Secret Show
Thursday. If you can. You know what they got there, Dr. Peppers.
High ceilings.
Yeah, my comedy career is similar to the ceilings at sunset strip.
I got a high.
It's called it's sunset shit.
That's what I'm going to call it from now.
Go on down to theset shit comedy club. Actually kind of like that. Yeah,
it is what it is. There's a Freudian, more accurate name. There's no strips
there. That's for sure. All right. So Trey, you got a gig out of it. You
already have joke books, right? Yeah, I got one. There you go. The big one. Yeah,
good. There you go. Stray Campbell. Everybody. Tony. Goodbye. You're welcome, buddy. We had a
really good times up here.
All right, let's do another bucket pool. One word name. Very exciting. Make some
noise for Longoria, everybody. Longoria. All right.
It's been a rough start of the year.
For one, I found out that my upstairs neighbor is not so much of a pussy-crushing womanizer
I have grown to admire from a distance
He's just been married for a while and beats his wife a lot
You laugh but he killed her yesterday I
Found out that people with Down syndrome can actually get a driver license and some of them can drive pretty good
Which sucks because now I don't know what to call Asian drivers anymore.
And I've been dating this girl who has a very stinky pussy,
but because it's very stinky, it's also very tight.
So I figured if, if plants can grow and dogs can roam in the streets of
Chernobyl, I can learn to love this stinky bitch. That's my time. Boom, exactly a
minute. Longoria. I do believe this is your first time on the show, correct? I
think I'd remember if a Dagestani wrestler came in here to
Holy shit, dude, what ethnicity are you? I mean, I don't mean to drop the bomb on you, but um, oh shit
I'm half Mexican and half Arab. Oh
So bitch
What the fuck is going on this place is out of of control. Ew. You said half Mexican first, which I find interesting. You tried to throw us off, and then we're like, yeah,
what about the other half?
And that's where you just said, Arab.
It's very broad answer.
What's the other half?
Oh, that's it.
Mexican and Arab.
But what kind of Arab?
Oh, Egyptian.
Sure.
That's what they told you to say.
Well, Egyptian leave a knees.
I call those the whites of Arabs.
Good answer.
Very smart to pick the only acceptable Arabs.
Yeah.
Yeah, what kind of says you?
That's what I mean, fucks.
Longoria, how long have you been doing stand up?
This is my third time.
Wow.
How old are you?
Um, 32.
Oh, okay, tough questions.
What do you do for a living?
Uh, I work with dogs.
You what?
I work with dogs.
You work with dogs?
Yeah.
Okay.
He delivers them to Hans King.
Yeah. Okay, it's he delivers them to Hans
Okay, it's toward dashing that case
He said that I work with dogs. Yeah, let's get what do you do you stuff them with Arab bombs?
Now what is that come on? What do you do?
It's a call center. I tried them how to use their phone and change their names to Steve.
What the fuck is going on?
That didn't land, that one didn't land.
I don't mind it one thing,
this guy's dog has a stinky pussy.
I train them, I bathe them, I sell dog food,
I'm like a nutritionist as well,
just anything to do with dogs.
How long you been doing that for?
Just a while, just something I've always done.
What's wild to you?
Like, I don't know, like close to two decades,
like almost 20 years I guess.
You're like a homeless dog whisperer.
Something like that.
I work with a lot of like rescues and like unwanted dogs
and I fix them up and find them homes.
You fix them up.
I have four dogs right now.
Wow.
I believe you.
Yeah.
I'm like a scary dog, dude.
What do your neighbors think of this fucking dog trafficking business
that you're around?
Uh, I don't know.
You have roommates?
No, it's just me.
Wow.
You're able to pay for yourself.
Fuck yeah, dude.
From this dog stuff.
Yeah.
Well, it's not just that.
I also like, I sell collectibles online.
There it is.
Like, yeah.
What kind of collectibles are we talking about?
I'm from the valley, bro.
I got a lot of hustles.
Stick up here. Let's not...
Don't cross the border and talk with Michael Gonzalez right now.
Like, it's all half of yous leaning that way.
The fuck were we just talking about? What are the collectibles?
Like, phone coupabes and sports cards and stuff like that.
Just like... Oh, this guy's just something I picked up during COVID.
And I like most profitable thing you've ever sold.
Oh, what do you pay for it? Would you sell it for phone kebabs?
I bought one for are you saying a phone?
That's a fucking phone.
Pop. Oh, I thought it was saying fun kebabs.
Delicious. It's Aira for Funko Pops. Oh, I thought you were saying Funko Bobs. That's what I thought.
I thought that was a Funko Bob.
I'm sorry, dude.
I'm just nervous.
So like my pronunciation.
I don't know what.
I'm nervous.
I signed up for a show.
Now I'm on it.
What the fuck is going on over there?
Please keep your panic attacks for yourself.
All right, buddy. Stay in the pocket here. I'm not attacks for yourself. All right. All right. Stay in the
pocket here. I'm not nervous. I'm not nervous. I love this. This is what the guys were like
on the plane on nine eleven. They're trying to play a call. I wonder if they're serving
food today. Everybody ready for a fun flight. Some shady shit going on over here, dude.
You ever think about doing a terrorist attack?
Is there just a half of you that's like,
I could see why?
All right, well, how would you do it?
Very carefully.
It's a good fucking answer.
That's a good fucking answer. That's a good fucking answer.
That's exactly how Osama bin Laden thought.
Okay.
I love the fact that he leans into the whole
terrorist look too, dude.
You're not religious, right?
You don't have to do this.
No, I don't get any virgins at the end of this.
Damn, dude.
It's just eternal darkness.
He just fucks himself 72 times.
Do you have a weak chin or something?
Are you hiding something?
Do you have a weak chin or something?
Are you hiding something?
No, it's pretty solid.
Good question, Red Band.
It's just cheaper to not shave.
But you said very confidently that you live alone. How much money are we making from this dog business? I'm not a petco. I'm a petco. I'm a petco. I'm a petco. I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco.
I'm a petco. I'm a petco. I'm a petco. I'm a petco. I'm a petco. I don't fucking... I do! It's just like, on the side, it's not like a full thing right now.
I just moved here a few months ago,
so I'm trying to get it going.
You're fucking hustling a back door business at Petco?
Have you been thinking about getting rid of this dog?
No, I got a job.
It's a comb.
I don't know why I went with a comb,
but I'm picturing a comb.
Do you?
I work through the disco.
Find it out to be annoying sometimes?
Do you dance when that music comes on like that?
Yes, I do.
He's fucking trafficking dogs.
I have a dog business.
What do you want?
I work with dogs.
The fuck was that?
All right. Anything else crazy we should know about you before I let you go?
I'm probably going to think about it as soon as I walk out of here.
You have any special skills or talents other than stand-up comedy?
You ever fucking?
I ride parody music.
Really?
Yes.
Okay, who is that?
Is that you?
Okay.
All right. Okay, who is that? Is that you? Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
What to the tune of what?
What kind of parody music?
Okay, but just so you know, I don't sing well,
I just write the, just focus on the lyrics.
You fucking talk well.
There's no way you're gonna start enunciating to music.
Shit, fuck.
Just so that you know, I do not sing very well.
You might be surprised by this.
I work with dogs.
I'm gonna regret this.
Okay, the two know what?
Do you have a whole fucking band that can play anything right here right now?
They're gonna lose their street cred, but...
You know, Bad Day?
Bad Day. Bad Day.
Literally nobody knows that song. You know Bad Day? Bad Day.
Literally nobody knows that song.
Some white guy with a beanie.
Had a Bad Day.
That song?
What the fuck?
Is that what you play before your terrorist attack?
Oh, they got that very quickly.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Fuck me.
This really is a professional band.
Wait, that's it?
Is that it?
Is it?
Okay, okay.
You think they're wrong?
I'm so impressed that they pulled that out just now. Okay, you know what?
Nah, I'm not gonna pull this off, dude.
Just fucking do it.
Okay.
Do something.
Okay.
It's good.
It's good.
It's good.
It's good.
It's good.
It's good.
Jump in whenever you want.
Okay.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Where is the paper when you need it the most?
You keep forgetting we had to buy those
They promise your butthole doesn't shaft
As long as you use baby wipes
You don't have to pay your bills tonight
Cause you had a bed day but you lost your job
So you had to sell it and clean your own butt
It's me
Had a bed day
That was hilariously terribly bad. That was a terror attack.
Gloriously bad.
D-Manus couldn't take him going off beat during the chorus
and just starts going, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I said I just write him dude. I don't want Jeff died. I think that went way better
than I thought it was going to. Of course. That's what happens. That's what happens.
I fucking keep digging until I find one fucking interesting thing about somebody.
I gotta give this guy credit. He's technically a little talented. He was his third time doing stand-up comedy. He was funny, the jokes were decent.
He's an interesting fucking weird little guy.
I want to be friends with you.
Yeah, let him kill as many dogs as he wants.
He's a good guy.
I'll tell you what, man, you'll get a big joke book.
It was a great appearance. Congratulations.
There he goes. Longoria.
The Kill Tony debut of Longoria.
And now we are rewarded with one of our great regulars on this show, ladies and gentlemen.
This guy's an absolute fucking sensation.
The goddamn thriving, up-and-coming, young superstar.
Make some noise. This is a brand new minute from the great Cam Patterson.
I was doing the show a couple nights ago and it was a dude in the front row and he
would just give me like this death stare.
Like everybody else was enjoying it.
He was just like, nigga, I hate you.
What the fuck?
But he was just like, nigga, I hate, what the fuck? But he was just like, nigga, I hate you.
The whole time you just wouldn't break
or wouldn't crack a smile.
And so the end of my set, I was like,
hey man, what do you do for work?
Well, he was like, I'm a cop.
And I was like, that's why you don't like me.
That makes sense.
That makes perfect sense.
And then by my last joke, I finally got him to laugh.
I finally got him to crack open and smile.
And after that, I said, hey man,
do you have a good time? So I really enjoyed it said, hey man, do you have a good time?
So I really enjoyed it.
I was like, do you have a good enough time
if you put me over at three o'clock in the morning?
I was blackout drunk.
I got full prostitution in the backseat,
two pounds of weed, a Glock with a switch on it.
Would you let me go?
He was like, you so funny?
I let you go.
I'm like, nigga, you was a terrible police officer.
You supposed to shoot me, bitch.
Repeat after me. I saw her guns.
That's my son.
Boom. 59 seconds from Cam Patterson.
Fuck, yeah.
Come on, man.
Do it again.
Hell, yeah. That was one, huh?
Yeah. We did it? Yeah. Got it again. Hell yeah. That was one, huh? Yeah.
We did it.
Yeah, got through it.
Absolutely beautiful.
47 seconds with Cam Patterson, folks.
You said 59, dickhead.
It was, it was 59.
We got the clock right here.
You guys all know Cam,
international superstar, Cam Patterson.
Cam's fucking hilarious.
Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, yeah. What's going hilarious. Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, yeah.
What's going on this week?
Anything crazy?
Man, I, uh, for the last two weeks, I was very sad.
Because I thought I had herpes.
Uh, it was just the end grown here, so I was good.
But I was very nervous.
I got tested.
Just committee again.
We went in.
Yeah.
There you go.
Now I'm playing, if you wanna fuck me tonight,
that was a joke.
I do not have commedia.
White bitch, look at me.
No commedia.
Clean dick.
Oh my God, we should call him Clam Patterson.
I think that was a crime,
when he just hit to that lady actually you
shut the fuck up man. Does it be the fuck quiet in his defense? He did find the
most blatant hoe in the audience and pointed right at her. That's a pretty
much chlamydia twice. There's no double chlamydia. She's looking at him like
motherfucker you have no I watched a crab jump onto another audience. You watch
your boyfriend think about how big cams dick is.
Oh yeah, the poor guys just like,
look, he's sweating. Yeah.
Oh, no.
Wait, that's a, that's a,
how did that day camp on my girl?
Wait, I don't think that's the right beat.
I love it.
So how long did you go with the ingrown hair
until you took the test?
About two weeks.
Oh yeah, that's scary.
Right after he corn wrote it.
I did do that, that was bad. Do black people ever do anything like that?
There's not a tradition. Do they have any pubic?
Yes.
What do you do, John? What do you got down there?
You got fucking candy cornrows?
What's happening?
He was young.
What?
Oh, I don't need.
He realized he's talking to a room full of white people. I don't need to say.
Oh.
I love it.
Cam, when you were...
When you thought you had this scare,
did you stay away from pussy or what?
I ain't fucking nobody. I was being very good.
It was whole... Yeah, you understand?
I ain't fucking nobody.
It's a better guy than me.
A philanthropist.
Yeah.
When we was in Vancouver, it was like, two hold out.
I was like, I don't want to fuck you.
I was like, I don't think you should.
I don't think this is a good idea for your health right now.
And I thought about it deeply.
I should have did it thinking back.
Nothing was wrong.
It's true. Just some fucking...
Broly pains.
It makes that awesome pussy, man? I love it pain. That's what that is in my face pain
Do you get the hair out? Did you pop it and like I had a little baby hair thing that was all twirled?
I like a messed up. Did you look at the hair when you pulled it out?
Yeah, I'm fucking weak that's not smell it. Yeah, you always smell it red band smells everything
Did you also eat it red man? No, no, no, no
Fold it and look at it's cool. I get a lot of ingrown hairs. I'm hairy.
Disgusting. Wow. This is another episode of Disgusting Red Band with Disgusting
Red Band brought to you by Disgusting Red Band and only enjoyed by Disgusting
Red Band and we're back to kill Tony. I love it.
Cam, what else is going on?
Anything else we need to know about?
Oh, I got these two.
I called them my two girlfriend,
but they're just two Schlutz I know.
Ooh, Schlutz.
Yeah, Schlutz.
Ooh, damn, that's good of me.
I like how I said it, man, Schlutz.
Yeah.
Try, you said, Jim, they don't say Schlutz.
Oh, Schlutz.
Yeah, go.
That sounded Jewish. Wait, they, I found Schlutz. I'm Jewish, I, say Schlutz. Uh, Schlutz. Yeah, go. That sounded Jewish.
Yeah, yeah.
Boy, they, I found Schlutz.
I'm Jewish.
I bought him that.
That's great.
Some real give-her-uppets.
Just putting it out there.
I saw the coin purse.
We're just gonna Schlutz around here.
This is Schlutzberg and this is Schlutzstein.
It makes sense, because he did have to come through a tunnel to get here. So absolutely.
That was beautiful.
An underground railroad, if you will.
Anything else for cam guys?
Killing it, thriving, headlining, major tours
out on the road with me.
We're having so much fun.
How about one more time for the great camp patterns
and everybody?
Great minute every week, great interview every week, fun. How about one more time for the great camp, Patterson everybody
great minute every week great interview every week and the fun goes on
back to the bucket we go you guys hanging in there
make some noise for your next bucket pull we're going to meet them all together it's Matt Hart everybody Matt Hart is the next
is the next. I've been having kind of a weird day.
Somebody asked me if I was born a man or a woman.
What the fuck?
I was born a baby. Who's giving birth to fully grown people?
I used to date a girl with a shopping addiction.
Yes, she would not stop buying heroin.
Yeah, she's kind of sad. She actually shopped till she dropped, so...
Oh, sh...
Oh, sh...
Oh, sh...
I don't know why I did that. I'm Jewish.
Yeah, I actually got made fun of for being Jewish when I was a kid.
People would throw a penny on the ground,
and they'd be like,
Are you gonna pick that up, Jew?
And I may not pick that up,
but it's not because I'm Jewish.
It's because if you take that penny and invest it
then over time with compound interest,
like a pretty good financial decision.
There you go, Matt Hart.
Welcome to the show, Matt.
Thank you. It you like you've
done this a couple times. How long have you been on stand up about five years,
five years, where at I started in upstate New York and I moved here like two
years ago. Okay, I love it. You've moved to Austin two years ago. Yes. Yeah. Hell
yeah. Were you been this whole time? Have you signed up for the show before? Yes,
Yes, yeah. Hell yeah.
Were you a bit in this whole time?
Have you signed up for the show before?
Yes, I think like the 90th time I've signed up.
Are you serious?
Holy shit.
And it's your first time on, right?
Yeah, yeah.
That's fucking amazing.
That's how weird the fuck it is.
Doesn't make any goddamn sense.
So welcome, welcome.
My God, 90 times.
Is this how you pictured it?
What's different?
It's honestly amazing.
It's the, actually, I'm less nervous
than I thought I was gonna be, I guess.
There you go, that's what I was gonna do.
Oh, I hate that cockiness.
That's where the five years of experience gets you.
That's for sure.
It looks like John Gamos.
Yeah.
John Gamos.
He's deceivingly handsome because from this angle, when you turn your face to the side,
you look like a fucking goober.
Yeah, but from the front, you're beautiful.
I mean, I'm like, oh my God.
It's actually true.
Shit.
And that.
I've actually met Ryan if I just had shit done to my face.
So I just looked.
Can you show them your profile?
How gross you are from the pro.
Look at, ew, right?
Come on, fuck you.
One second, he's disgusting.
And the next, he's Ben Shapiro, everybody.
It's amazing.
This guy is a not good looking from the front.
You guys stop it.
What kind of guys do you like, Lewis?
What a stud. Look at this this upstate New York Jew never seen more fucking masculine man
in my life. That's a handsome guy. Am I crazy? I don't know. That's just a dude
with a mother.
There's something ultra attractive about him.
Am I right? Is this not the best looking guy I've ever seen?
Alright. Yeah, this is the sound of Lewis Shagomez's heart right now.
Normally, I'm the fag on the episode, Lewis.
The man has a beautiful, don't tell me he's got a beautiful fucking face.
He's computer with Jeff Dile. This is crazy.
Are you into dudes?
Me?
You're the defensive one.
Ah!
Whatever it gets me into Hollywood, you know what I mean?
Oh, he is Matt Reif.
Yeah.
No, I have a fiance that's a lady.
Yeah, what does she do?
She is just...
A breadwinner.
Yeah, she's a therapist, so yeah, it's pretty much...
Okay, what do you do?
I'm a bartender right now, so...
Wow, on 6th Street?
No, it's just like south of Austin, like an Oak Hill area.
Okay. How long you been bartending? Just since I moved here. This is my first service
industry job. What were you doing before that? I used to work. I worked at the airport, a
small airport for like five years. What did you do at the airport? Tell us, tell us, Mat Heart.
Tell us what you did.
It's okay.
Tell us what about the little airport.
Okay.
Little tiny airport.
It was the tiniest airport you've ever seen.
In fact, it wasn't even for full-size airplanes.
It was actually for remote control airplanes.
And all they had to drink there was 24 packs of Dr. Peppers.
There's the littlest airport you've ever seen.
It was for mostly paper airplanes, actually.
Oops, oops, I stepped on one of my toys.
I'm gonna tell you about the,
oops, that hurt.
All right, here it is is talking is out alphaing
you right now you look like a bitch what I out alpha you five minutes ago you
faggot don't you remember how did you forget that it just happened you're
over compensating for you don't even realize it oh you're okay now I like you
now you're good okay tell us about the little tiny airport.
All right.
Oops, I stepped on it again.
I mean, you pretty much nailed it, but it's like, yeah,
just small airport, all buty.
Just tiny as could be.
Smallest.
My goodness.
Yeah.
I feel like it's big for you, though.
Yeah. I feel like it's big for you, though.
Yeah.
I'll tell you, all the pilots had a hard time finding the airport.
Because from up there in the sky, it was so tiny, it was even tinier when you're way up in the sky.
I don't even have any help when I go in there.
It's like, what am I going to do all alone in this airport?
It's like, what am I gonna do all alone in this airport? Well, maybe if I had a friend, I could go to the airport alone.
Maybe I could sign up for Kill Tony.
90 times, but I swear to God, if I don't get picked on that 91st time, I'm out of there
for good.
I'm gonna go back to the tiny airport and make something out of myself.
They always said they wanted me back there anyway.
I'm gonna give it 90 chances
till I head back to the world's tiniest little airport
that you've ever seen.
Run.
Don't let them get into your head.
You're fucking hot, dude.
You're hot.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Ah.
Okay, seriously, tell us about the fucking tiny airport.
Yeah.
So, yeah, it was... Well, as I said, you guys might know this.
It was small and, uh...
It was basically...
I did every job at the airport.
That's how small it was.
So I was in the last... One second, I'm out there. I'm, uh...
You know, one second I'm guiding in the planes,
these tiny little airplanes.
And then when they arrive, I hope with their luggage.
And I ask, do you want anything? Do you need anything?
Do you have a car service coming?
Would you like me to order an Uber for you?
Welcome to the world's tiniest airport.
I used to have to duck down when I would go inside
because it was made for tiny people doing tiny things.
Carry-ons only at this airport.
Oh boy, hope you didn't check any luggage.
Oh, because if you did, I'm gonna help you with that.
Okay, I'm really...
You're making it sound stupid,
but that's pretty accurate.
So...
That's kind of what it was like.
You're a fucking funny guy.
Wow.
I love it, Matt.
So you live here full time, You do stand up a lot. What's the longest set that you have done about 20 minutes? I'd love to have you
on the secret show Thursday. You got a big joke, but they make some noise for
Matt Hart. Everybody had A fantastic Kill Tony debut.
Could be 90 more weeks until you see him again.
Oh.
Here's my phone.
I'm going to call you.
So I have to go.
Yeah, he's not doing tonight.
Another bucket pull.
We having fun out there?
Make some noise.
60 seconds uninterrupted, going to Shelby Boyd everybody.
Here we go, Shelby Boyd everyone.
Make some noise for Shelby everybody.
Hey, so Texas is weird, at least I think it is.
Because the other day I was at work and I hear someone around the corner walking in heels
and I'm imagining this tall, beautiful, successful businesswoman and instead this short, stocky
man with a cowboy hat around the corner really threw me off.
But I have a couple of jokes for you about tortoises. So my tortoise is like a
piano. It will kill you if it falls 50 feet under your head. My brother saw a turtle in Cancun, but I won up to him because I see a turtle every night when
I shower with my husband.
And honestly, I expected these jokes to last a little longer, so that's all I had for you.
Fuck yeah, Shelby Boyd.
Welcome.
Hello.
How recently did you escape from a mental hospital?
Was it hours ago?
Pretty recently, yeah.
How long have you been in stand-up?
About six months.
Okay. All of it here in Austin, Texas?
In College Station.
Okay. Up there near the Dixie Chicken.
Yeah.
You know the Dixie Chicken?
Nope. You don't know what I'm talking about.
But you said, yep.
Yep.
OK.
Very good.
It's a giant bar there where everybody
goes after Texas A&M games.
I just so happen to be friends with one
of the greatest college football players
and football players of all time, the great Johnny Manziel,
Texas' own.
Make some noise for Johnny Manziel, everybody.
Fucking good boots is here.
There he is right there.
What's up with your tortoise?
Are you crazy?
Do you have a tortoise?
I do have a tortoise.
How big is it?
About that big.
Okay.
I saw this on an episode of Love on the Spectrum.
Yeah.
He broke up with her, right?
Yeah.
Well, tell us more about this tortoise.
How did you get into the tortoises?
Is this a snake addiction or something?
How do you get to tortoises?
No, my brother-in-law actually got it when he was a kid.
And typical, he doesn't take care of his pets
so I stole it from him. Typically yes you're right people don't take care of
the tortoises. Yeah they live a long time. They're pretty hard to take care of. What
do you have to do? You have to feed them once a day. Wow fuck yeah. It's easier than a cat.
Yeah these answers are exactly what I would expect about a tortoise.
Yeah, the movement.
When you asked her, I was like,
this isn't gonna be interesting at all.
And I was right.
Yeah, no, it is you though.
You love your tortoise?
I do.
Hell yeah, there you go.
Don't fucking disrespect this woman's tortoise.
She's obviously, you know.
I bet, I have a thing with female comedians.
It's a problem.
Shelby, what do you do for a living?
I'm a marine, marine biologist.
You're what? What?
A marine, marine biologist.
You're a marine?
Yes.
Marine?
Yes.
Biologist.
Yes.
I'm a comedian, comedian, thank you.
So you work for the marines?
You're a marine?
I am a marine. And in the Marine. And your role is being a Marine
biologist, so that's two separate things. Two separate things. So you're a Marine and you're
also a Marine biologist. Yes. You're not a Marine Marine biologist. I am. Well, no,
you're a Marine and you're also a Marine biologist. If you were a Marine Marine biologist,
that means you would put on camo, go to a base, and then study fucking underwater animals.
Sorry, got bad news for you, but you don't do that.
That's a fucking separate thing.
So you're a marine.
I can put on camis if I wanted to.
And you're also, in addition to being a marine,
you are also and a marine biologist.
That's two of my careers.
Okay.
Shelby, what do you do for fun?
You seem like the kind of girl likes to crack a good can of Mountain Dews.
I like to hang out with my tortoise.
What else?
Tell us more about you, Shelby.
I'm actually a pretty boring person.
No way.
Yeah. Yeah. You identify as a tortoise, we know you're kind of boring.
She tells a story and the tortoise is like,
please I only have 300 more years.
So this is like,
God, get me the fuck outta here.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I wish your brother would have starved me.
Why did I have to be a fucking tortoise?
It's an easy job.
All I need is fed once a day.
This bitch talking my fucking, do they have ears?
They do.
I like turtles.
Whoa, is that offensive to the tortoise community that he just said he likes turtles?
Tortoises are turtles.
Whoa, that's incorrect.
What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise?
Tortoise is a turtle that does not like to swim.
So it's black.
There you go. to swim. So it's black. Yeah. Yeah.
There you go.
There you go.
No it came, it just doesn't like it.
It's right.
Starting wider seabour for your Alabama.
Tortoise.
Molly just poured one out for the tortoise.
Ha ha ha ha.
What would we be surprised to know about you Shelby?
You seem like you have some deep dark secrets.
I'm actually only here because my husband wanted to get on Kill Tony.
And I stole his spot.
Wow.
Did he sign up as well?
He did.
And the plan was that it doubles his chances.
If you get called up that I would go, is your husband here and then I would call him
up? Not particularly. But it was mentioned at some point. That's why she mentioned it. if you get called up that I would go, is your husband here? And then I would call him up.
Not particularly. But it was mentioned at some point.
That's why she mentioned it.
She's a shady bitch right now.
Hold on, I wanna get this fucking answer.
It was talked about?
Not until I was back there.
What do you mean?
And then I mentioned that my husband brought me
and then they made the joke.
But he's the one that really wanted to get on stage.
He is.
And you did indeed take his spot.
It could have been his piece of paper that I pulled.
It could have been.
Instead of you talking about a fucking tortoise
right when it's straight.
Well, I don't care to see your husband.
Not at all.
How about that?
Fair.
How about that? I'm sure we could move a little bit faster. Yeah, in fact, we should. We should
blacklist him. Trying to bend the rules here in the kill zone. Yeah. Yeah, he could tour
anywhere else, but he can't tour this. You know what I'm saying? Stupid, so stupid. So stupid, it took me 10 minutes to come up with that.
It's okay.
All right, there she goes.
Get out of here, Shelby Boyd.
Here you go, Shelby.
Here's a little joke book.
Boom, there you go.
All right.
We pulled another name out.
They wrangled the person.
Make some noise for Shahab Tabatrenazad.
Shahab Tabatabirazad.
How you guys doing tonight? Okay.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, these lights are bright.
Pull together.
Okay. Okay, okay.
Fuck, I just found out that...
Fuck, I'm really nervous. Sorry, come on, come on.
Okay.
I just found out, okay, I got this.
I just found out that Ricky Martin is gay.
No, nobody else. Okay, just me.
Fuck, fuck.
I just found out he's gay.
And now I just feel really, really uncomfortable every time I masturbate to the thought of
him.
My drug dealer and I both think that the other is a cop.
It makes purchasing drugs very difficult.
Black people will often look at me.
Oh!
Oh!
Please let me finish.
Keep going, black people often look at you and what?
I want it now.
Black people.
There's almost one looking at you right now
behind you, just so you know.
Technically he is facing you.
Black people often look at me like they're just
waiting for me to say something racist.
Being a people pleaser.
I'm conflicted.
That's it. That's it? Oh's it. Oh, God. There should be so much more there. That's it. No.
Oh, you had me on the edge of my seat.
Wow.
I'm conflicted.
This guy's like a...
Yeah. It's right there. You got it all right there. You're like a master of set ups.
Zero punch lines.
That's right.
Fucking, you are just the
kid. We you had us all and then you show weakness at every turn. I know I
think the last thing I was expecting you to say after a twenty second this guy's
naturally funny applause break was the lights are bright. It was such a dude. You
can't have anxiety and leather. Yeah. You're like Charisma list dice. What is
going on right now? Exactly. Hey, go to the dock you're like Charisma list dice. What is going on right now? Exactly
here. Diggory dock. This guy's comedy sucks cock. Yeah. Oh, you're like Andrews,
I see clay. Yeah, you're like if they had fucking testosterone and medicine for Freddy
Mercury back in the day. This is a you seem like you should be a fucking rock star.
What is your story?
What was that?
How many times have you done stand-up comedy?
I've done stand-up for about a year and a half.
Okay, where at?
In Chicago.
In Chicago.
Yeah, this is the old, some of Chicago's fine town.
No, don't judge Chicago on this.
This was, this was, this was, this was a major. What do you do for work? I I oh boy I drive Uber. Okay. Yeah. Were you an actor?
Did you do theater or something in Chicago? No, no, I worked at a university for
14 years and then I did stand up one time and I was like I want to do this and
then you do at the university administration. So all the back end
paperwork stuff. Yeah, I bet you a back end paperwork in
you gay. No really you just said that you jerked off to Ricky Martin and
acted gay for a minute. No, no, I just said I get uncomfortable when I jerk
off when there's a penis in my but
who are you
oh my god. Oh no. That's hilarious.
What are you? What ethnicity?
It's a Tabletabalian azad and Persian. My parents are from Iran. They came here in the mid seventies.
You look like a greaser that never fucked. That hurts.
You do seem very shy and reserved.
And like, what's going on here?
Tell us about you.
Are you like a conservative guy?
You stick to your Iranian roots?
No, no.
I was straight edge until 38.
And then I got divorced.
I did MDMA with a beautiful Dominican woman
and had a religious experience, so that's...
I hate this guy.
It is interesting, you're so likable until you talk, Shahab.
Is the beautiful Dominican woman here tonight?
No, she's not.
Where's she at?
She killed herself.
Okay, alright, let's stick with the interview here.
Stick with me, Shahab, keep answering fucking questions.
Thank you, yes. Was it just a one night thing you
was? Yes, it was a one. Tell us about your divorce. Do you have kids? No kids.
How long were you married for? We were together 13 years. This was an
Iranian arranged marriage. No, she's a year last name is what again Tabletab
in a job right and you weren't in an arranged marriage. No, you got to just do
whatever you want. say it again?
I just...
Say it again!
Tabata binezad.
Yeah, dude.
Say it one more time and a genie comes out.
It sounds like you're falling down the stairs.
Yeah, say it again.
Tabata binezad.
No, no, no.
That is fucking unbelievable.
It's an extremely long one, three four five six seven eight nine ten
eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen letters in that last name. It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot for a last name.
Yeah. And it's like it's kind of cut short. I actually have like an official title. I have a say it.
What's that? Say the whole thing. The whole thing. Yeah. Say the whole thing. It's a say it shall be fucking home. Sorry, I'm freaking their lights are pretty good. Yeah, shut the fuck up,
dude. How do you wear that jacket? How did someone sell you that jacket? They're
like, man, I should really fucking shouldn't do this. My heart in my chest.
Actually, that's it's like a security blanket. Fuck you.
It's like a security blanket. I must's like a security blanket I must say is that your real hair it is
that's what I was thinking that's why I've been staring at this mother fuckers
I'm like that hairline is here. It is kind of pretty good hairline the hair in
the jackets Amazon Prime
red man Red Band, Red Band, not the highest batting average, but when he gets a hold of that shit, it goes out of the park, they got to go in the river to fucking, they have to go get
their kayak to get that home run ball.
It's deep out of the arena. It does look like that.
You look like that. You look like we ordered you off. I Amazon Prime. Good job
red band hell yeah fucking two day delivery. Look at this guy.
My goodness. So I ask you what you do for work? Uber driver? That's the whole fucking answer.
You're like a creepy Uber driver?
I'm actually, not a creeper. I think I'm a very good Uber driver.
What kind of car do you have?
I have a Prius.
You wear that jacket while driving that car?
Oh no. Baaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaaaabaaaa And bam, bam. The Prozac of cars. God, I'm so nervous I'm driving you today.
Ooh, I'm not really good at this.
I hope we make it to your destination,
but if we don't, it's good to know you.
Ooh, the headlights coming at us are very bright.
Oh.
Oh no, is that a stoplight?
Is that a stoplight ahead?
I'll tell you, black people often think
I'm gonna say something racist.
I, yeah.
I do, I get you and I get the jacket. I don't know how you fucking decided to wear the jacket.
Like what man, like none of the thing about you
is this look.
I love where he's going with us.
Tell us the truth about that jacket.
What made you get it?
Where were you? When did it happen? It looks like it's like it's first fucking night out or something like
that. It looks like it belongs to John Benet Ramsey. All right. All right. I'm
talking a fucking Edward scissor hands over here. If he's after being made a real
man again, I got a one so cookie.
So I write where did you first see the jacket tell us about this have you owned
it a long time I've I
tell us about the fucking yes yes Yes, yes, focus. Okay, I got it, so right,
got it, right when I was getting divorced.
When was that?
What's that?
We don't know when you got divorced.
September of 2018.
Okay, so there we are, five years ago.
Keep going, nice and slow.
Okay, so.
You need some better lighting on this.
I was in Chicago.
I was in Chicago at the shots.
Nice and slow, Take your time.
At the shots leather jacket store.
Louder, but take your time.
Yes, thank you.
At the shots leather jacket store,
and I tried this on and I took a picture of it,
and then for two years I just thought about this jacket.
I'm serious. Oh, God.
Come on. Come on.
So hold on.
Hold on. Pause for applause. You got this.
You're doing what the guy in the jacket should have done all along.
We're finally, we got you there.
We're slowing you down. Breathe a little bit in through your nose.
No, not, not.
Just breathe in and in through your nose. No, not not just breathe in and out through your nose.
Okay.
Deeply though.
Thank you, Tony.
So you thought about it every day for two years and then what happened?
So what I realized about myself was I was whenever I'd go to a thrift store,
I'd look for a leather jacket and I ended up like buying like multiple shitty
versions of this one.
And I thought it was...
How many versions you think you were chasing that dragon?
How many do you think you bought?
I think two or three.
Wow.
And then finally I realized it's important to just get the thing you want in life
and not settle for some shitty version.
Do you remember where you were when you had that thought that moment?
I was in Chicago.
Right.
Yeah, still in Chicago.
Right, sorry, yeah.
Where did I have that?
The entire city.
I became a cloud that day.
And I overtook the entire city of Chicago.
And while being that cloud, I realized,
get what you want.
Keep going, keep going.
So I think I was, I was most probably in my apartment because I spent the two
years of the pandemic alone in my apartment doing a lot of psychedelics.
We know a lot of psychedelics.
Right. Okay.
Did you used to have a crazy job or something?
I worked at a university.
So that's right.
Yeah.
And you were, you were like, by the book and all this stuff. And then you fucking did MDMA with a Dominican chick, divorced
your wife, fucking went out on your own. You're like, I'm gonna fucking make it. I'm Iranian as
fuck. I'm going to be an Uber driver. Yeah. Well, you're like, I'm gonna fulfill what an Iranian
should truly be doing with the last name my I mean if this last if I
got you as an Uber driver I'm like guys it's okay our rides on the way it's
Shahab tabba the Midez is odd a la a lachmar the third no big deal we have
nothing to worry about sure it's going to be a super safe ride and then a
fucking Prius rolls up like get in okay tell us about the jacket let's go back
okay so out about it you realize I can get in. Okay, tell us about the jacket. Let's go back. Okay, so
thought about it. You realize I can get what I want. How long after that? How long
did it take you after you had that epiphany to buy the shots leather jacket
that you thought about every day for two years. It was two full years and then
then you realize you should get it and then you got it. Yeah, I got it. How much
was it? It was like nine hundred dollars.
I got it. How much was it?
It was like $900.
That's it?
Wow.
Okay.
Why did you wait so long?
That was the insurmountable hell
that you couldn't get over?
Really?
Well, that's a lot.
That's a lot.
Don't be a fucking dick.
That's a lot of Uber rides in an Uber X.
I don't know if you know what 15% of fucking 21 is, but.
Well, I just forgot he was Puerto Rican for a second. That's a lot. a fucking 21 is, but uh... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha huge twist here, so then what happened? You went online, you had to go to the website, and you had to take a chance, didn't you?
No, no, because when I took,
I did like a photo shoot with a jacket
and I specifically took pictures of the size.
It's like a 38 long, I got really long arms.
The whole time, John Benet is decomposing.
All right.
Pineapple to the stomach.
Okay, look at you now just using a bomber
jacket what it was meant for all along.
Is it a bomber jacket? So what that is a bomber jacket. No, it's not even a
bomber. A bomber is one of the inflatable ones. Yeah, I fucked it up. It's
still a good. Still counts. Oh yeah, that's good. That's good. All right, tell
us something else crazy that we'd be shocked to know about you. This
interview has gone on way too long, but I feel like there's more there in
the last 60 days. I've done seven nights of ayahuasca.
Oh, that answers a lot. How long have you been signing up for the show?
I think this is my fifth or sixth time. I so I I've been traveling back and
forth from here to Chicago. I don't really live anywhere right now.
I'm a bit nomadic.
So just kind of...
You live in your Prius?
I do.
Wow.
That's a really cool way to say homeless, dude.
He lives at work.
Yeah.
All right.
When you love what you do.
That is so interesting.
Do you love what you do?
I really like talking to strangers.
And my favorite thing is like... That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard of my entire life.
Also, you were terrified to do it. So I love I love talking to children and
little strangers and trying to get him come to my van.
All right, who are you really? Oh my goodness, Shahab, how old are you? I am
Oh my goodness, Shahab, how old are you? I am 43.
43, wow.
You don't look a day over 62, that's incredible.
How long you been doing it again?
So I did it one time and then I quit my job June of 22
and started doing stand up.
There you go.
There's a little joke book.
Shahab, talk about that minute.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. We still having fun out there?
How do you feel?
You good?
Yeah, I feel really good.
Yeah, I mean, I wish I would have done better, but I appreciate you guys being so nice.
Not you.
Okay, thank you.
You're so human.
Why are you so sweet?
Hold on, stop.
I'm going to keep him here longer.
There's more.
I haven't figured you quite out yet.
What's a dark side to you?
Tell us an actual, because you seem all goody-to-shoes.
Oh, you know, I like everybody.
You just get to put them better.
It's kind of wild.
Yeah.
After college, I wanted to join the Marine Corps just to, like, see how much suffering
and misery I could take.
But then my college sweetheart, later wife, and then ex-wife was like, it's mere the Marines.
And I ended up not doing it. So I always had that regret
because I was curious where am I breaking?
If you ever thought about being a Marine Marine biologist.
All right, I'm getting you out of here.
There you go. Shop.
Demin.
Fuck. Yeah.
Guys, a little bit too human.
He's like too human.
Get out of here.
Shabbat.
There you go.
Look at him. He's so sweet.
He's like a he's like one of those people from like an old sitcom or something.
Hi, I'm Shahab Tabata.
All right, makes some noise for Anthony moaner. Monet perhaps Anthony Monet
60 seconds uninterrupted for Anthony moanay.
So recently I started doing the keto diet, right?
That's not funny.
But I tell you what, if you guys wanna feel alienated and get some dirty fucking looks, then you should come out to your Italian family as being keto.
I had one uncle tell me that he wished I came out of the closet for real instead.
He goes, suck all the dicks you want, dude.
But you're giving up bread?
He goes, suck all the dicks you want, dude. But you're giving up bread?
I fucking hurt, man.
I'll tell you.
But yeah, it's awful.
I tell you, like, honestly, you guys got to see
the disgraced looks on their faces
as I just desecrate the top of a slice of pizza.
They honestly, they treat me like I'm a fucking disgrace,
you know?
But they treat me like I'm a fucking disgrace, you know? But they treat me like we're a Muslim family, and I'm the only member of the family who
eats pork exclusively.
They treat me like we're an Indian family, and I'm the only member of the family who
didn't become a doctor or an IT guy.
All right, there it is.
Anthony Monet.
Am I saying that right, Monet?
I'm on.
I should probably grab the mic.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Welcome Anthony.
How long have you been on stand up?
Two years.
Where at?
Upstate New York.
Oh, wow, wow, wow.
Ongoing theme in tonight's episode where Rochester
towards the East Coast, like near Albany.
OK. Yeah. Yeah.
It's rough out there. The worst.
Yeah. It's one of those places there's not a lot to say.
You know, you've lived there your whole life.
Yeah. Well, closer to Saratoga, but Albany is like the closest.
Yeah. How old are you?
Thirty three. Thirty three.
Yes. You have all your old buddies from high school and everything
yeah I mean my high school was like one of those like like extra white high
schools you know I'm saying yeah no I'm state New York we definitely know what
do you do for work sounds nice I'm a barber unfortunately buddy okay it's a
fucking terrible job yikes where do you live now I just moved to Austin about
six months ago okay how do you like Austin? I like it, man. I'm from the suburbs though.
So it's like a little bit more like homeless guy dick than I'm like used to
seeing. So it's been, it's been eye opening, you know, it's a lot of nudity and
fucking just random meth use. But in Austin, yeah, where do you live? You live
right underneath the freeway or something like that? neighborhood? Are you a hopeless dick? Matthews? It syringes
everywhere. I requested it actually from the real estate agent. It was like
where the dicks in the meth? Okay. Yeah. Okay, Anthony. What's something we'd be
surprised to know about you? I got arrested for the first time since I moved
here. What happened? I had a fucking weed vape man. What? Yeah. What do you mean?
You got arrested for a weed vape. So I mean I'm not trying to compare in New
York to Texas because people get on that when you do that, but but just because
I'm used to be in New York. I don't want people to get mad. You shouldn't say that
part either. Too shit. What happened with the stupid? How do you? There's
something more to this story. Bad start bad, and I'm not allowed to hit a weed vape while
practicing pedophilia driving. They got me for the weed vape. Yeah,
we use driving right totally the weed vape, but no, I just I'm saying like I
was so wax about it like a moron, you know, because I was like in New York mode
where it's like, what happened? Leave the shit. Well, they asked me if it was
fucking Delta eight and I just was being honest like a moron
I was like no it's weed were you pulled over it's decriminalized out here
So what do you have this happen? Well the pens are still listen to this shit. Did you get pulled over? Yes, sir
We're on this street. I got pulled over. It's called DUI dude. No, I wasn't high. No, I wasn't high. No, I wish I was fucking high
The arrest would make more sense like I was fucking stone sober
It was in my cup holder and I was just honest. I said it was weed
But I knew I was fucked because the cop was like real Texas like like small town Texas and he yeah right and he and he goes he
literally won't be looked at deep madness on that don't you hate when you get pulled
over my friend anyway but I was just like what I know you ain't talking to me
But is that how he lost his eyes
You don't lose your eyes Kim that's on how
Like so the cop was like real small town Texas on my bed. He was real small time Texas.
And he said at one point he goes, I don't know how they do things in New York.
And that's when I knew I was fucked. Yep, you are. You seem like you have like
bookie energies. Do you take partake in any of your to the Italian blood?
Keep you doing illegal things. Do you find or you just weed stuff?
Man, I mean, like I like Texas, but I just don't get why like everybody's
packing heat and chugging whiskey, but if you have a fucking weed, vape,
you're a terrorist. Now you're so unlikable that he wanted to get you on
something is what happens. My face. It's my face. None of us want to jump in
and tell jokes right now. That's how unlikable you are. We're all kind of
sitting here silently like what's up with this guy?
And what's wrong with whiskey and guns?
Yeah.
They're dope too, no, they're dope.
Why didn't you just say it was D8 though?
Why didn't you, because,
you wouldn't have known that they're gonna test it,
there's no lab.
That's what you get for trying to be honest.
Yeah. Yeah, seriously though.
No, I just figured, like I've gotten in situations
where I was honest and it worked out,
but it just wasn't one of them, you know what I mean?
You're like if Turtle from entourage was a tortoise
stupid, stupid. It's a fucking honor. Right. Okay. Anthony Mon.
I get another one. Was this the last one? Oh, son of a bitch.
Let's do one more. Let's go snag one more out of here. All right.
Tell us something else that you have any special skills or talents. You have a freelance rapper, anything
like that? You have any parodies? Not really nothing musical. I mean, I'm nasty at ping
pong. Are those necklaces real? No, you're very kind. You're very kind for that big fake
diamond necklace. Well, it's one of those where it's like fake but not too fake. Like it's real silver, but the stones are fake.
So I fuck with that.
He is honest.
Yes.
Just right away.
No, that's the fucking fake.
We're not going to test your diamonds.
Just say they're real.
If you want to, we don't have to test it.
Bust it out.
Bust it out.
It's honest to a fucking team.
That makes you dick.
It's a really small dick.
It's a really small dick.
It's really small.
No lie.
Being raised right.
Being exaggerated a little bit, dude.
What's your love life like, Anthony?
It's not going well, buddy.
Tell us about it.
Tell us about it.
Tell us about a time you've blown it with a girl.
Oh, God.
Perhaps the most recent thing that you did with a girl. Well, you could probably tell by my set, but I like dirty jokes.
And I think sometimes I jumped a gun with the dirt.
You know what I mean?
You got to ease into that kind of thing.
And sometimes, oh God, the music's really setting the mood here.
You're not supposed to acknowledge that.
Well, the last girl I went out with here was like a lesbian leaning by woman.
Ah, was she like that when you've met her?
Or did she turn into that immediately after hearing some of your material?
That's what it was.
You're on your setup, she just starts shaving her head.
Go ahead, I'm listening.
I'm becoming a lesbian, but keep going.
It's a skill.
It's a skill.
Yeah.
But no, it was just awkward.
It's like my Italian family, if you go off the bread, they're like, fuck you, dude.
That was like Mexican almost, wasn't it?
So how do you...
Very good.
So how do you...
How did you know that...
When did it all go wrong with that?
So at one point during the meal, I used the word female.
I can't remember what we were talking about.
Right, dude.
She said it was a-
Oh please tell me more.
I can't even imagine what this is like.
Go ahead.
She told me it was an offensive term.
Yeah, go ahead.
How did she say it?
And then I felt-
What do you mean?
Like I can't remember the like specific thing we were talking about listening. I wasn't listening. Whatever
bitch.
So females belong in the kitchen.
I didn't even get to that point. I didn't get to the point where I could tell
the word female offensive. Listen, cunt.
That's what I wanted to say. Trust me. I bet it is upstate New York fully Italian
Yes, sir, um, but I can't remember what it was, but she was like real sweaty too, which I was just yeah, right?
I'm desperate
Fuck yeah, Anthony moan get the fuck out of here dude. Oh the only drop of the night a fun fact
Tortoise girl Cotter book Trey Campbell. Oh, actually he didn't get he already had one. All right. Get out of here
Get out of here Anthony moan everybody
All right, your next comedian goes by the name of Michael white everybody your last bucket pull of the night
Michael a white oh
full of the night. Michael White.
Oh, shit.
Oh, we know this guy.
Holy shit.
Makes some noise for Michael White, everybody.
I was raised by a black mama half my life.
Shout out to Mama Ira.
I know this is my second time on the show,
but I'm still a little nervous, because I'm not used to being in front of this many white people. I'm Baptist. No, because I'm usually in the place where there's just black people,
Mexicans, and then me.
And I don't know if y'all know this, but wiggas don't like other wiggas.
We hate each other.
We want to be the only one.
One time I was at Club Hymnotic Chilling with my black homeboys,
and I see the white dude walking in.
I started barking.
Hey!
He was barking back. Hey! Hey! One time I was at Club Hymnotic, chilling with my black homeboys, and I see this white dude walking in.
I started barking, right?
He was barking back, right?
We were barking at each other, oh!
Kind of like when house slaves get jealous
of other house slaves.
Like who the fuck let you in?
Racism is a distraction.
Technically, we are all black.
They just point out our different pigments
to make us forget that the first human is from Africa,
and we all came from the same human.
So that means there's only one race, the human race.
Some of us just came out with a disability.
Why do you think society provides us
with so many privileges?
Because you have to be nice to handicapped people.
Oh.
Watch your mouth. many privileges because you have to be nice to handy cat people.
Madness getting wild.
How about a hand for Michael White everybody a true performance if you will a little one man show there.
Lewis Jay Gomez gave like a wigger brave heart speech in the middle of that.
That was I don't know what the fuck that was, but I got inspired. I was like,
yo, we are all we are all wiggers.
And it was unbelievable. Yeah, go ahead. I was just confused because I don't see
race. I just see everyone as white.
That beautiful. It's very positive. That's beautiful. That's that
full Jeff. Holy shit. Michael White. You've been on this show once before
an instant legend. I remember you make spaghetti and you sell spaghetti
that you are known for this. So you still do it. The other is all three of them
look like the dudes from the rice, crispy box. Okay, look, no one wants your snaps, your crackle or your pops here tonight.
You son of a bitch.
You stop it.
I didn't realize the Kibler elves had a power forward, but this is.
You look like Minnie Mouse's slave owner.
I actually am Minnie Mouse's slave owner. I actually am Minnie Mouse's slave owner, so. Wait, do you make your mom's spaghetti?
No, no.
First of all, I was selling spaghetti before Eminem
did that, opened up their restaurant.
It was 2020 when I started.
His was like the end of the 21.
My ex-girlfriend from Italy taught me how to make it. It's a different story.
Oh, tell us about it.
I already told y'all last episode, man.
Go watch it. The Kurt Fox one.
Okay, but how's it been going?
How's the spaghetti business been going?
Man, that last episode blew me the fuck up.
Yeah.
Everybody blowing up my DMs like,
where the spaghetti? People from Canada.
Where the spaghetti? I'm Canada, where the spaghetti?
I'm like, stop it.
Have you been selling it?
You know, actually, I've been having so much support from fans,
like sending me money through cash, everything.
Are you asking for it?
I haven't had to sell spaghetti yet.
When they hit you up, are you asking for money?
Do you think?
Okay, I ask.
You're digitally panhandling?
Do you think that I could get an eighth of spaghetti?
But my spaghetti...
But my spaghetti is always like my foul bag,
like when I need to...
Like when nobody can help me, I beg.
I go to the kitchen, you know what I'm saying?
So I could be my own boss before...
Because I've been a hustler all my life.
Before that, I was selling CDs since I was 15.
Like you know what I'm saying?
You seem like it.
Absolutely.
And when did you stop selling CDs?
And whenever CDs became a thing
where you couldn't really sell no more people,
like, I wanna scan your code,
what the fuck does that mean?
You know, shit like that.
That's when I went to the kitchen.
This guy comes hot cheetos.
Tell us about your living situation.
What is that?
Oh, it's cool, man.
I'm broken the suburbs.
Yeah, what does that mean?
You have a house, apartment, roommates.
I have an apartment.
I got the smallest one.
You live by yourself?
For $840.
Oh, shit.
How long you been there?
And it's in the suburbs. Corpus Christi, you can live in the suburbs for $840. Oh, shit. How long you been there? And it's in the suburb.
Mm-hmm.
Corpus Christi, you can live in the suburb for $800.
You're in Corpus Christi?
Yeah, yeah.
That's what, like a four-hour drive or something?
Man, three and a half.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You drive a little bit fast?
I come every week over here.
It's my 19th time and my second time on a show.
I love that.
I've been in one car crash.
Come on over here. Okay. Tell I love that. I've been in one car crash. Come on over here.
Tell us about that.
On the way here.
Man, it was actually a blessing in the skies
because I got some money from that shit.
And you did.
This guy is black.
One thing I noticed about visiting Austin Texas, man, is I'm grateful that I'm the only white person in Corpus Christi. Man, I had this white bitch walk up to me.
Let me call her Street Karen.
She's talking about, I grew up, I'm from the streets,
and I grew up with black people, but I don't sound like you.
Like, okay, bitch, well, we can't all be winners.
You are the only one who's got the right to be a winner.
I'm not a winner.
I'm not a winner.. Like okay, bitch. Well, we can't all be
winners.
You are. You're the real deal over here. I gotta tell you tell us more. What's
been going on in your life recently? I feel like you're a never ending fucking
vessel of entertainment. Yeah. What have you done since you gave AIDS to Jenny
and kids?
Man, really? Well, he's been camping outside of Shoe Palace.
I've been living and breathing this comedy shit, man.
Right. How many spots a week have you been doing?
I've been... Well, there's this spot on Thursday
in Corpus that's like, that's popping the most,
and I go there sometimes, and I just...
I just been uploading my shit.
I don't... I don't like driving out of town
unless it's for some real shit like this,
you know what I'm saying?
Right, that makes sense.
And when you have some, what are you, a rapper or something?
What's your special skill again?
Yeah, I've been a performer since I was 13.
I used to battle rap every Friday
from 13 years old to like, I was 17.
You want to rap something here tonight?
Yeah, yeah, let's get it.
Okay, let's get it.
Whatever you did last time, do something different. Yeah, how about how
about we do the second verse of that song? Okay, because that song blowing up
everybody's hitting right okay releasing this special release of the second
verse of Michael White and some corpus Christy. Boom, boom, perfect, I love rap. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
y'all remember?
Alright, so I'm gonna do the second verse on this song since I did the first one last
episode.
Alright, ayy, 88D is all I need, check me out, I don't smoke a dream but I don't be knocking
people that do, I'm just saying whee, my 88D is all I need, look at me, my 88D, my 88D
is all I need, I don't smoke 88D, my 88D is all I need
I don't smoke a dream, but I don't be knockin' people there
Do I'm just sayin' whee
My 88D is all I need, look at me
My 88D, my 88D is
Middle finger to the Riddlin' pill
And F. Dr. Ashman for ho
Mama, I should be on this still after tellin' em
My Riddlin' don't like the way this pill
Make me feel it, room my appetite
It makes my life feel boring as hell
I'm truly home to be depressed, this ain't natural, it'll be our self
And if we get out of line, there's a thing called the belt
I got spankin' like a mother, but they say they didn't help
So they felt they had a lock of my childhood mentally in the prison cell
But they done messed up, now I'm out of my cage, I'm free to be myself
I'm a special heir to resource class, I'm sure to be tough
I thought school was a waste of time and all I wanted to do was rhyme
So I turned next to the spark, kids copy off their paper, they go back to my notebook
Stuff I'm facing it
That think of a dope line
I don't smoke a drink, but don't get me wrong
I did it a few times, I just enjoy being stoveable
But I'm being drugged up all my life
It feel good just being able to express my stuff
That's how I say hi, I don't smoke a drink
But I don't mean I can't keep what I do
I'm just saying whee
My 80 AD is all I need
Look at me, my 80 AD
My 80 AD is all I need
Oh, there really was.
That was the second verse.
That was just one verse.
That was the second verse.
Oh my goodness.
Wow.
Is that a third verse?
No, it's just two seconds.
Okay, all right, just checking.
Just checking.
Dean, was that good?
Cool.
Man, I fucked with him because he don't see color. There you go.
Congratulations. That is the five hundredth time that joke has been done.
He probably still he probably still doesn't know I'm white. I love it.
Now. What did you say during that verse? Can we kind of slow it down a little
bit? Okay, you on it here. I want to hear what you were saying. Go ahead saying something about a d h d now not the chorus. Let's skip the chorus. We're
going to do to the beat of our cappella. All right, like that nice and slow
on tickling it. Oh wow
middle finger to the riddling pill and fuck dr. Ashman for telling my mama I
should be on and still after telling them
I really don't like the way this pill makes me feel it ruins my appetite and it makes my life feel boring as hell
I'm too young to be depressed. It's a natural. Let us be ourselves and if we get out of line
There's a thing called the belt like I spankings like a mother
But they said that didn't help so they felt they had to lock up my childhood mentally in a prison cell
But they didn't mess up cause now I'm out of my cage and free to be myself
I was in special ed and resource class I'm sure you can tell I thought school was a waste of time and all I wanted to do was rhyme
So I'll sit next to the smart kids copy off their paper then go back to my notebook, stuff my face in it, then think of a dope line.
I don't smoke a drink, but don't get me wrong.
I've done it a few times.
I just enjoy being sober more after being drugged up
all my life.
It feels good just to be able to express myself.
That's how I stay high.
I don't smoke a drink.
Wow.
I like it like that.
Isn't that wild?
It's so much more amazing when you can understand it.
It's better. It's better slow.
It makes you seem like 50,000 times smarter.
Tony, I heard you got dick down by a man
dingle while you were sleeping.
Oh, my goodness. Wait a second.
I just complimented him and the guy just fucking.
What the fuck was that?
This is how this is a game of thrones for you, everybody.
I'm trying to make a fucking star over here.
I'm like, okay, one more time, a little bit slower.
Guy gets half a standing ovation.
He's like, you got raped by a giant black man.
What the fuck is going on?
I'm just saying, y'all, I have so many.
What is this?
Y'all, it's so deep and wide.
I could fuck you when it wouldn't be gay.
Because my dick wouldn't feel it.
Look at like.
What the fuck?
No, no, you are doing so good.
Oh my God.
Self-destruction.
This is why you live in an $800 apartment.
You make terrible decisions.
You had it all.
I was about to announce you as the newest regular on the show.
I'm kidding, I'm joking. I'm kidding.
If you were in a movie, it'd be called AIDS Mile.
All right. I'm white now.
Can I get a golden ticket?
No. No.
You know, I would love to, if you can do ten minutes of rap on a secret show,
if you want to, but you can't do comedy.
Hell yeah.
You wanna rap some songs?
You wanna do a Thursday?
Yeah, I would appreciate that.
Oh shit, there you go.
That's a gig.
Michael White.
Another great performance.
I hope y'all know already,
everybody is saying differently.
They want, they been begging for my return
because of my comedy, not just my rap. Okay yeah we got you relax there. Yep. Alright Danny Brown. There
you go. Alright.
I'm a better comedian than all y'all. Y'all ain't even funny.
I'm more of a comedian than a rapper. That's my Danny Brown impression.
Everybody not good. I remember when I was a y'all ain't even funny.
That's all he ever says. He gets angry drunk eventually. Y'all ain't even funny.
I'm gonna tell you this quick story about when I was waiting to get my name
called outside when y'all when you're stupid in the alley. What remember when
we used to wait in the alley to get our names to get called. Do I remember when
you all used to wait in the alley comedians we used to wait in the alley to get our net waited for our names to get called. Do I remember when you all used to wait in the alley comedians
we used to wait, right, said we now you my bad
when you had us
yeah before y'all put us in a luxurious club and shit right. I love that you
think it's luxurious. It's a poor choices. It's called poor choices on the alley
should have been poor choices, but
poor choices called poor choices on the alley should have been poor choices, but
The doily on your head is unraveling at a very fast rate
What happens when it when it covers your face does fucking Molly Margo come back out again fucking
One time I was waiting out there and David Lucas Molly Matt Ledge
So David Lucas came outside. He was like looking around checking out the scene and I was like out there and David Lucas came out. Molly Matledge. So David Lucas came outside and he was like looking around, checking out the scene.
And I was like, yo, David Lucas, let me go on tour with you.
And he was looking at me like, boy, you ain't going on a road
dress like you stuck in the year 2005.
Right.
And then he gave you his t-shirt and the last.
We almost got into a fight.
All right, there he goes, Michael White, everybody.
We almost got into a fight, but the actor
had got your lunch on his roaming. Yeah. to a fight. All right, there he goes. Michael White everybody.
All right.
Yeah, and then I went and made some spaghetti.
Okay, all right, there he goes. He's shouting out his cash app everybody. Jesus fucking Christ.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, you know, this is one of those moments that the fan base,
all of you, everybody in the Kill Tony universe is going to remember forever because William
Montgomery could not make it tonight, everyone.
He does say, yes, he has some type of infection or something like the sinus infection. So he's missing tonight, but in his place we
get to introduce the newest regular to kill Tony. This is the man that will be opening
every episode of kill Tony at least until May when Rick and Hans Hans Kim and Rick Diaz
have their rematch and if he wants I mean, who knows what can happen,
but ladies and gentlemen, the point is,
this is our first regular, new regular announcement
since the great Cam Patterson seven months ago.
You guys excited about this?
Surprise, surprise, writing and performing a new minute
every week from now on.
He's going to be starting every show.
A man who is a fucking mythical creature around these parts,
probably one of the best fucking comedians in all of Austin, Texas.
Wild as hell, just a fucking thunderstorm on stage when doing longer sets,
loved by everyone that has a good sense of humor. I can tell you that.
This is your newest regular and new Kill Tony legend.
Make some noise for the return
of the great and powerful Casey Rocket.
["Kissing Rock"]
Some folks bone, man to wave the flag. All right, very cool.
Hell yeah.
Happy birthday, Santa.
All right.
Very cool.
God, I wish Santa was here to see this.
Okay.
He loves it when a good boy goes bad.
Hell yeah.
Get real.
Get lost.
We're having fun.
Yeah, I've had a lot of weird jobs in my life.
I was a lobster.
I was a fish.
I was a fish.
I was a fish. I was a fish. I was a fish. I was a fish. I was a fish. Yeah, he loves it when a good boy goes bad. Oh, hell yeah, get real. Get lost, we're having fun.
Yeah, I've had a lot of weird jobs in my life.
I was a lobster in a grocery store tank for a summer.
Great job, great benefits.
All you can wear, rubber bands.
I gotta get out of here.
I promised my fiance I'd watch monster truck videos really loud while she's asleep, so.
Babe, wake up, Gravediggers going berserk.
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Hell yeah, just riffing, Cal Riffkin Jr., we're having fun.
Hell yeah, raw riff energy, R- energy RRE. What's that spell?
Casey Rocket. Thank you guys. Happy to be here.
Holy shit. Yep. Yep.
The future has arrived, ladies and gentlemen.
Casey motherfucking rocket
hell yeah
that's how you start an episode right there
the man is a freak of nature it is yes
you know what that sound means. The rocket has arrived.
Tung stuff, doing some tongue work.
Hell yeah.
Everybody likes it.
Yeah.
Yeah, William's sick.
He ate an apple tag.
We were in...
We were in Utah and I dared him to eat an apple tag.
God bless him. He went through with it.
So, more of a man than I am.
Pretty cool.
It's just cool to kind of see him.
Just go for it.
So my laughter went down.
Okay.
I love it.
Casey, welcome to the fold.
An absolute freak of nature.
Lewis, Jacob, as I mean,
he is Adderall personified. Holy shit dude. I don't know Casey. He was at
Skankfest. I believe you're got you're I hear so much about you. He was at Kempfest. Which is the
more important festival. I had him first. Doggie this is my first time actually watching you.
You're fucking wild. You're unique. It was so fun, dude, like just it
was it was almost choreography. I watch you just fucking own these people. They're
idiots, but you were fucking really great, dude. You were really great. I'm very
impressed with that. What that was. Oh, thanks, man. They seem really nice. You
guys are nice. Another fool in the green room here. there's two televisions that show each of the showrooms
and what's going on on the stage. I had Casey do a spot on my late night show,
whatever it was Wednesday or Thursday or whatever this past week.
And I'm sitting there next to Ron White and he goes, he goes, man, that guy likes to move around a lot on stage, doesn't he?
And I go because the sound is
an honor listening to music but you could see people moving and he's flying
from one side of this picking up the bike stand fucking crap at all this shit
and I go you've never seen Casey Rocket Ron and he goes no what's going on out
there I go come on and we showed him from the balcony and in about 10 seconds
Ron was fucking choking up tobacco from 1963.
It was unbelievable watching his reaction.
He got so excited and was laughing so hard.
Jeff Dye.
I actually name dropped you on Rogan
as my favorite comedian.
Me too, he's my favorite.
But also the reason I'm saying that,
Casey, the reason I'm saying that, Casey, the reason I'm saying that is because I got about 50 fucking
texts from my closest comedy friends in LA.
They're like, fuck you, dude.
You've seen Casey twice.
All my openers are like, fuck off, dude.
What's with the Casey role?
But you're the fucking G, dude.
I love it.
Thank you, man.
Yeah, me and Jeff did a show at a Mexican restaurant in LA.
That's my type of gigs.
It's just us.
Yeah, there's something wrong with him, but he is the future.
Like I'm not kidding.
He's the best.
Thank you.
Everyone's so nice tonight.
You guys have been so nice.
Hell yeah.
We got to be more mean.
Hold on.
Give us a few minutes.
No, no, no, you don't need to be the guys.
A fucking sensation.
We're excited to be working with you.
You know, as the show has evolved when it first started,
you know, Kim started the day that she started doing comedy.
She started writing a minute.
So it's so fitting that you're even here for the newest regular
because the whole thing has evolved to where I'm excited even have you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Have you even imagine how many fun minutes and how much crazy shit we're slowly gonna learn about your life through these interviews.
We have a lot to get to. It's exciting stuff.
It is exciting. I'm happy to be here at Casey Baracket Class 2013. So excited.
Happy birthday, Santa. I can't say it enough. You're my biggest inspiration.
Tony, do you hear red clapping right now? Do you hear all that? Happy birthday Santa, I can't say it enough. You're my biggest inspiration.
Tony, do you hear reddit clapping right now?
Do you hear all that?
No, I don't give a shit.
I feel like Casey is if AI got wet.
Like sexually what? Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, whoo, hey. Yeah. I'm, oh, I do it good at robot boys.
Hold on, this is AI.
Just a peek behind the front.
Get ready.
I do, this is AI if it was getting really, really wet.
All right.
Good morning.
I'm so horny, baby, yeah.
OK, kind of funny.
Oh, yeah.
That was the least robotic he's ever been.
It sounds really good.
It sounds really good.
I love it.
So, Casey, welcome to the fold.
I'm very excited.
How do you feel about opening this?
Excited, very excited.
Thank you.
Yeah, this is cool.
It's really fun.
You have me and William.
We're in Utah all weekend.
I get back. I get the call, walking off Air Force One.
Tony calls me.
Obama was taking us around to the gig.
It's pretty sweet. Yeah, I get the call.
Phone rings. What hurts the most?
I'm like, I got to take this.
And William's over there just choking on the Apple Tag so I was like
I'll help you in a minute but it seems pretty important and sure enough Tony he's like you're
up and like fucking I'll be there and Williams still on the plane so God bless
God bless my man. I mean William are really good friends. It is true. You guys do the road together.
I love it. Very exciting stuff.
So you're in, dude.
It's going to be you kicking off shows for the pursuit of future.
Oh, yeah.
I'm pumped about it.
He's in. The future has arrived.
Casey Rocket joining the fray here on Kill Tony.
Thank you. Fuck you.
Every week. Amazing stuff. Make some noise for Casey Rocket everybody.
Did you guys have fun tonight?
Fuck yeah. Make some noise for our guest, Luis J. Gomez.
guest, Louis J Gomez, the meaty ogre tour on sale now, Louis of skanks.com. Make some noise for the great Jeff die. Everybody
Jeff die.com for tour tickets. He's going everywhere every weekend and her new special
childless milf is out now. Check it out. The original regular, Kim Congdon. Ten and a half years in the game, started on Kill Tony.
The drawing from Ryan Jay, he belt is in. It's amazing.
How about one more time for the best band in the land, Michael Gonzalez on the drums.
Matt Mueling on the electric guitar.
John Dees on the keys and D-Madness on the bass.
Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Oh, William Montgomery
He wasn't even here tonight, but there you go
William Montgomery, that's a sweet one Chris Rogers art on social media guys check out the Sunset Strip right next door
Sunset strip ATX comm I love you guys right the Sunset shit comedy club
dot com. I love you guys right the sunset shit comedy club
connect mobile health ninja buses dot com us the security guard service yellow rose red rose gel blaster CM smokehouse and all of our good friends. We love you
guys. Good night everybody. Thank you Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, Ha ha ha ha ha ha Go out the house
Through the house
Go out the house
Through the house
Through the house
Through the house
Through the house
I think it's interesting
Well, I don't know The Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open.
Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday.
Go to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. Thanks for watching! you