Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Son of Ram
Episode Date: April 24, 2024Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news with the help of very special guest and friend of the show Dan St. Germain (Dance Fatty Dance) - but first - Ed sees Phish at T...he Sphere, Poll Results on the "Most Famous Murderer", UFO News, 10-year-old Texas boy confesses to fatally shooting a neighbor in his sleep, Seattle Online pedophile sting ends in fatal shooting, A Rogue Ram kills elderly couple in their New Zealand home, "Weekend at Bernie's" Again-Again - as Brazilian woman carts around corpse of 68-year-old man to the bank to sign a loan, Listener E-mails, and much, much, MORE!Check out Dan St. Germain's new special available now for free on Youtube!
Transcript
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On Wizard and the Bruiser, we find all those crazy little moments in geek history that
made the things we love into inescapable cultural behemoths.
If you love video games, movies, comics, and anime, this is the Elpien show for you.
But wait, Holden, it's not just educational.
Shouldn't we talk about all those crazy boner jokes we make all the time?
No, Jake!
No, we will not! Fair enough.
Last Podcast Network presents Wizard and the Bruiser.
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and hit that little subby dubby button.
Ooh, we would love it if you did that.
Oh, that would help us out so much.
God, wouldn't you love to do that?
Don't I sound like the kind of person you want to help?
Like hit the button.
Like just do it.
There's no place to escape to. This is the Lost Ark.
On the left.
Side stories?
That's when the cannibalism started.
Side stories. Yes.
Oh, shit!
So I pitch a lot of ideas to Natalie and obviously she's kind of the litmus test of like how
I feel like society will react.
Yeah, because she has a conscience.
Yes.
Yeah, I know.
It's good.
I do the same thing with Julie.
She's my feelings.
It's nice because like they're like genuine wonderful women withences, and we destroy them with horrible ideas.
No, it's just nice because then we don't have to have those feelings.
Yeah.
I can just say it to them.
Yeah, my wife does that.
That's the idea. That's what they do.
Yeah, my wife fights for good causes.
Yes, they should.
Yeah.
And we, we've, we should be at war.
We should be in Iran right now, fighting though.
Which ones?
Them. Yes. We should be doing something right now, fighting though. Which ones?
Them.
We should be doing something.
I'm sure.
But I was coming up with some ideas.
Right, again, because Ho Spice is taking off.
Yeah, people love it.
I'm already seeing a lot of people.
I did get one message about Ho Spice,
is that one kind of issue is that there is a lot
of old men grabbing at butts in hospices like already oh for sure all yeah that's
what old men do but if you made for senior we saw he what was his thing oh
he used to be that they call me David Copperfield yeah yeah the best thing a
president ever said and then you but so they say that there might be an issue
with that but also at the same time but if they're like professionals and
everyone's getting there and we're there to grab butts, great. Right. I think that'll
be good. Ho Spice, you get your obviously you get your catheter put in the fun way by
mouth, which I think you don't get a lot. But I did pitch an idea to Natalie that thought
was really funny. Okay. No, it's like, why have we not seen a pet cleaning service or
a pet? You know, like, I'm just surprised. Yeah. Why haven't we not seen a pet cleaning service or a pet, you know, like I'm just surprised. Yeah
Why have not we not seen? Okay groomer
Okay groomer. Yeah, like instead of okay boomer
That would be fun to do and you make it so like oh come to okay groomer, it's the only cancel culture safe
Place for your dog or cat or your horse.
That's right.
To get washed, bathed, and told to vote for Trump.
Yeah, and we'll go ahead and we'll take the clippers and we'll put a dick on the side
of them.
I mean, again, cancel culture free, grooming experience, OK Groomer.
And I thought, that's amazing.
Natalie says she thinks that everyone at okay groomer is gonna get shot
Everyone okay. No, we want to do the shooting
But she says that they that then it sounds like it's gonna become a new comet pizza
Where people are gonna go to okay groomer because they're not gonna see the fun like full of zest for life
Like idea behind you think they're gonna be confused with groomers as in like people who talk people into sex?
I don't know if that's a term.
I don't even know if that's the definition.
Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Zabrowski.
This is Ed Larson.
I don't think it's...
Okay, groomer.
It's no, no. I think, yeah, okay, groomer.
Yeah.
She said that it would, it might bring violence towards the people inside of the place.
And I was like, but the best part is they're all safe because they're surrounded by dogs.
Yeah, you get a van.
You show up to people's houses.
So you're saying that we should have a big white van that says, okay, groomer, paint
it whatever color you want to be.
You're just saying just a van.
You do understand there was a fear.
I will push back on this idea.
All because you know that there's a connotation to a roving van. Yeah. But if you put okay groomer on the side of it, everyone knows what it is.
Yeah. I mean, now I'm starting to understand it sounds like a mobile pedophiles like delivery
service. It's like delivering pedophiles to your home. So yeah, it's not good. No. All
right. But it's flawed. It's flawed for sure. Yes. But I just thought it was a funny name.
It is a funny name
See what I thought at first when you came to me with it just now when you said, okay groomer
My brain didn't go to okay boomer. It went to okay Cupid. And so I thought you were just trying to hook up groomers with each other
Like you're saying okay what you meant just then was putting together people that cut the hair of animals
together to hang out. Yeah, so they can meet each other and fuck each other and get to know each
other and be yeah. You're as innocent as a babe at arms. Is that? I think that's what it is. You're
innocent. You really thought of the position, like the job groomer. Yeah. That's not just from the
CIA. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah the CIA. Yeah. That's amazing.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
Yeah.
Dog groomer.
We haven't gotten you there yet.
No.
Well, I also don't.
I believe in everything you've taught me.
I just don't care.
That's kind of my thing.
Sure.
Good.
No, it's a good, honestly, very good condom against fucking up against being radicalized on the internet.
The news has always been a nightmare for my entire life
It's been a fucking disaster nightmare terrifying place the key to not get radicalized on the internet is have a thick layer of
Fish provided not care juice. Yeah, that surrounds your whole brain. You just came back from fish
You saw them at the sphere on 420. If you cared about a single thing, I would
be pissed. Like if you came back from fish on 420 and you were like, we really need to
think about the infrastructure of this country. I'm going to be like, where did you go for
the weekend? How are you not? Why aren't you? Why are you here? Yeah, man. You should have
quit your job, dude. The TV was so big. It's so big. It's the fucking size of a fucking building
hieroglyphics were their albums, man
Man, that's crazy dude some guy Wow. Yeah, we saw through all of it
Yeah, lots of people talked to me the whole weekend. It was not, I was in Vegas
the whole weekend. I went to fish only for one of the four shows of the sphere. And the
entire weekend people were just walking up to me like fish. You want to fish like the
entire weekend? Like handing me pieces of paper that I was supposed to hand other people
for what? I don't know. They do this. Pass them around things. I don't know. I didn't
participate. I was there to just eat mushrooms and f stare at the big TV and you did a really good job at it
Oh my god, I did a good job. I saw your footage and but I'm again
I'm glad you're here, but I am surprised that you still are
Financially solvent only just because fish I feel like liberates people. Oh, yeah, and it liberates a type of person, dude
People were spending money. I almost like-
Fish does very well. It was crazy. Right before I was like,
I'm just going to check and see how much my tickets are going for.
And they were going for like five grand. It was so hard for me not to sell them in this
fucking- Julie got in the one, the lottery, so we didn't pay too much. But like it was
fucking, yeah dude, it was fucking crazy. Yeah dude, that might be worth not going.
It was hard for me not to go, but I was like, you know what? We're just never gonna do this again
You're right. And that's it. This is the this is my sixth time seeing fish. I was talking to people like
178 times I'm like I'm quitting now
I'm quitting at six. Oh, I I'm done. I've done it. I've seen fish everywhere
The sphere is the top you're saying that all the noodling sounds the same
It's no it doesn't sound the same. It's just I'm fucking you know, I'm not done dead it
I have pan flutes what we should do is that whenever Ed gets too reasonable. You should get some noodling. Yes
I play yeah every single time he says something that's too coded cars trucks and buses. Yeah
Yeah, we just should hit him. It's a recognizable and buses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got that one. Yeah, we just should hit him with some music. Good, unrecognizable fish song.
That's what I like.
Do they have melodies, fish songs?
Yeah, they do.
They have, you know, Taste they played.
That was really good.
Yeah, yeah.
Holden likes them.
Farmhouse, you know.
They have the kits, but it's the live albums.
It's the experience.
That's what people I hear, I've heard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, this guy. Is that the guy from Fish? No, no, no, no, no. This is just this is the song I like
Yeah, man. It's fine. Welcome to the other side you fuckers man. It's just fucking light your fingers on fire
Glass melts and becomes the sand again
Taxes are due friends. That's what this song says to me
We're just paying what's-his-name's taxes Phil. Oh my god. Yes. I had to pay some taxes. So what good work really good work
Well, I'm glad that you're alive and I'm glad that you're still hireable. Mm-hmm some updates
So last week number one Eddie brought up which ended up being kind of an uncomfortable topic for us
But it did we did kind of get through it where we, uh,
Eddie for some reason made me answer what animal I would have sex with.
And I just said chimpanzee just for the sake of saying chimpanzee to end it.
I was just trying to end the conversation. But now people have sent me so many
articles about all the different ways people have sex with monkeys.
I got another clip on maregasms
Which is people having sex with the horses if we I feel like we are we need to guide us back
We need to guide us back to the to other stories other things towards other other content
You know yeah, because the orangutan sex slave story that was sent to me
But the shaved orangutan that he had dressed up like a little girl and they put little lipstick on which is like in the end we're kissing yeah that's all that's
what you're gonna go to the only dead dead wood rules with the orangutan I just
don't really understand you're gonna kiss anything kiss the neck kiss the tits
I'm only having sex with the chimpanzee because I'm forced to because you're
gonna shoot me in the back of the head and it is vaginal sex with a woman chip.
Yeah.
It's gotta have breast.
Well, shave the breasts.
You're gonna have him shave the breasts?
I'm just saying, when I saw that story, because then it was the orangutan sex life story,
then it was the guy that was arrested for the monkey torture ring, the guy who was from
the white power, the neo-Nazi guy that was, you know, he was just serving like the monkeys and blenders and people were paying them for it again. We're working too hard
Yeah, so these articles were sent to anything about the pigs about pig sex
No, really. No, there was a you like the popular shit. I do you know, that's me
I'm a poser when it comes to my top 40. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like a Dua Lipa Dua Lipa was an orangutan
Yeah, I did get a message for my friend Sarah who did send a message to Marcus Parks
That was honestly it was a fairly sexual picture of the
Anamorphic deer. Oh nice looking it was like it was it was going to welcome a lovemaking session inside of them
So that's great, but you think will be the first episode Nice looking it was like it was it was going to welcome a lovemaking session inside of themselves great
But you think will be the first episode we don't talk about humans fucking animal. It will come now
Just like the animals we're gonna change right now. We don't know they can't consent all right
But the big comeback that we got yeah, this is crazy. I love our listener
I can't believe this poll results, but I asked it was, I actually feel like it's,
it is what I was expecting, but I'm glad that we got as much.
It was a little off from what you expected. Sure. So this,
we asked everybody and I still want you to ask people this because it's fun to
do. We said, ask a stranger, not a friend, not somebody that was into true crime.
When you ask them,
what's the first thing that you think of when
you hear the word murderer, what's the first person, and get their response.
You had said something along the lines of you thought it might be OJ Simpson.
I thought OJ would be everyone's answer, would be the layman's answer for murderer.
But I think largely it's because you like a sports just like most people.
Sure, you like a sports and you like God and he would be very
famous. I said something was also one that was on the news
most. Yes, yes, of course will and especially that time
period of the century will people for our age or there's
been like trial of the century has been like how many trials
of the century. Well, there's crime of the century which was
Lindbergh baby and that was taken early, but you can call
it the 20's I don't think you can call it one crime of the
century. It was one baby. Yeah, can't call it the 20s. I don't think it's not the crime of the century.
It was one baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, he was a Nazi.
Another Nazi.
Charles Lindbergh, we're going to do a whole series on that.
I can't wait.
It's actually, that story's fascinating.
All right, so here's the poll.
So we got back.
Overwhelming amount named Jeffrey Dahmer.
Well, the Netflix show set that off.
It was Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and Gacy were based with the top three and they were
Pretty close in numbers where was like Jeffrey Dahmer
We had 59 mentions Ted Bundy 49 John Wayne Gacy we had 32 and the number four was OJ Simpson
Followed closely by Charles Manson. So I'm Jack the Ripper. Yeah, Jack the Ripper makes sense
I'm surprised and then yeah, those are the only ones that are 10 and over.
The rest of them are just a couple. Well, here are some of my favorite outliers. We have some really good
funny outliers. We had Hitler was twice. Of course. That makes sense. He got two.
Anakin Skywalker. Yeah, he killed all those kids. And it was before and then he would become
I hate you!
Yeah, and then he would become Darth Vader, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then the just the fictional character blade,
which I do think that that makes sense. Chris Watts didn't kill people.
He killed vampires. Yeah.
Vampire stirred his people in that world. Maybe then they said, Ooh,
political Lockheed Martin.
But that only had one.
That only had one.
And my personal favorite, myself, when I'm down at my wife's pussy.
Oh, yeah, he's a murderer.
Like that guy.
Yeah, we'll have to meet him at some point.
We probably already have.
I wonder what the wife has to say.
Oh, and then-
One more PBR for my husband, please.
Yes, and then also the very very very funny answer of your mom yeah
definitely like that so thank you so much for the
scar from the lion king that's fine again he only killed one true killer but
he only killed one he tried to kill more he tried yeah I also tried to be a
professional baseball player in my mind did Did you know I'm just saying try it's also from Star Wars. That's not Star Wars. That's that's how fuck me. That's Lion King, but
There is no try only dear. Oh, I got you. Yes
Grogu could still fucking suck my dick. Whoa, hey grogu
He's an old man. Grogu's 50. He's 50 years old. Sidesories lptlgmail.com.
If a an alien is a baby to us, but a but a baby to them, but all to us, Can you fuck it without space charges? Let's ask. Let's ask the people. Yeah. Let's
ask the people. I got to know what you guys think. What are the intergalactic laws on
fucking Grogu? Fucking Grogu. Again, I'm not into it because I don't want to hear his weird
little whimpering. No, not at all. No, I don't want to hear his weird little whimpering. No, not at all
No, I don't want to hear it. He can slurp some eggs though. Yeah
You haven't watched right no you would like the Mandalorian I watched the first one I again my my review was the controversial more like
mandiborian whoa
I'm pretty special
I'm pretty special. I'm pretty smart.
I'm pretty educated.
And I am.
Very nice.
You like Dune.
And you don't like The Mandalorian?
Is this too much, too many things happening?
You know what it was about The Mandalorian?
I think Mandalorian was fine.
Yeah.
I just saw one episode.
I don't like TV.
Oh, there it is. I don't watch TV. I don't really like movies. I like movies more than TV as well. Yeah,. Yeah. I just thought one episode. I don't like TV. Oh, there it is.
I don't really like movies.
I don't really like movies.
I like movies more than TV as well.
Yeah, me too.
I like movies.
I like documentaries.
And I like my nonfiction shows.
Yeah.
And I watch my, you know, and I like my reality shows.
I like my drag race and I like my Top Chef and I like my shows.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I've ever heard you talk about 1883 or some
shit like that.
What's that?
That's the Harrison Ford, Helen Mirren prequel to Yellowstone.
No, am I in Ho Spice?
No, but you would like it.
It's a lot of murder.
Oh, a lot of murder.
I mean, it's not enough.
It's still not enough.
They always say, everyone says a lot of murder.
And then I go to watch a show, because I love murder, and I go to watch a show for all the
supposed fucking murder in it
And then it's all like classy and shit. I like faces getting cleaved
I like you I like the arms being stripped of their flesh. Mm-hmm
It's so weird. I've seen all these Taylor Sheridan things and I don't like him, but I've watched all of it
I don't know how like there's like a spell on me
I just think it's your algorithm it gets sent to you and you like it
I don't know how, like, there's, like, a spell on me.
I just think it's your algorithm that gets into you,
and you like it.
But I don't know if I like it,
because I always end up, like, mad.
I think it just turns me off.
It might.
Mentally, not, like, fizz... not, like, sexually.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I tell you.
I get hard as hell watching Yellowstone.
Except with that one lady.
There's that one lady in that.
Oh, the daughter?
She's spicy. No, the wife.
The wife?
The spicy wife. I don't think he has a wife. What's the name? What's the blonde woman in that? That's his daughter. That's
his daughter? That's Koster's daughter. She's like my age. Yeah Kevin Koster's old. Whoa.
Hot. Old daughter. Yum. Can there be a thing that's milfs but for daughters
All milfs are daughters Henry
Not once they hit 27
And that's a fallacy but again, I love a milkF. So yes, so that's a, that was the update. I do think I got a lot of great messages. People saying like, it's amazing to get
good old fashioned crowdsourced information. That is our family feud.
People know the name Jeffrey Dahmer. They know the name.
It's the Netflix show. If it wasn't for the Netflix show, I bet he wouldn't have
been number one.
And they, well, they don't know their crimes. Well, they know like Jeffrey Dahmer,
like it's all the big subset. It's Jeffrey Dahmer, cannibal, Ted Bundy.
They don't say anything about Ted Bundy, but they know that Ted Bundy is a name,
is a killer. And then John Wayne Gacy, evil clown. Yeah. Yeah.
And then OJ Simpson, that guy from the hers commercials.
That's what they love. But no, it's a, but our audience,
it's like cause also I feel like true crime,
while it has always been an interest
of a large section of humankind,
it's just now way more of the mind.
I mean, it's kind of going in a, it's in a,
how do you put it?
It doesn't really go away, but true crime
had hit a peak and then it receded
and now we're trying to figure out what to go next
I don't know what people they don't know what they want like your hair
It knows where it's going next
It's going to hell to your ass. It's going to my fucking no, you know where it's going man
It's my fucking my sides my ears. Yeah, natalie had to show me the other day
I had full like it looked like you gotta shave your ears.
They had little beards on.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What the fuck?
Yeah. No, Julie gets in my ears for me.
Yeah. You gotta talk to Natalie.
She's got to get in there.
She said no.
Or you gotta talk to your barber.
Yeah. It's sometimes.
I got my ears waxed recently.
I had to put. You got your ears waxed.
I had to put wax in my ears and then rip out all the hair.
Yeah, man.
Ten bucks.
Ten bucks.
What do you call that?
A fucking like, it's not a Brazilian.
That's like a South Dakotan.
What do you call that?
What do you got to go get your ear lobes waxed?
Yeah, man.
You got to find the Armenian barbers for that.
They know what you're talking about.
We are becoming orangutans.
This is happening to us.
Fly from your grave.
Also, one piece of nerdy sci-fi news.
We're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that
we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that
we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that
we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that
we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going to be talking about the fact that we're going you're talking about. We are becoming orangutans. This happening to us.
Fly from your grave.
Also, one piece of nerdy sci-fi news
that I wanted to cover before we bring in our
very special guest. We have a guest!
We have a guest today. This...
I need literally, I'm saying,
I'm talking about this story because I want
someone to explain it to me. Side stories,
l-p-o-t-l at gmail.com.
Because from what I can see here,
I don't particularly understand it, but I want to know what they're talking about. So this came
from the debrief. The debrief is that they cover a lot of like tech news and stuff within like
military tech. And they have kind of led the charge of talking about whether or not some of
UAP stuff we're seeing UAP, like P like or UFO and any these weirds of trans
medium vehicles, these the weird orbs whether or not they
are technology that we just don't know about that that China
has or Russia has we have and we're literally lying to our
own armed forces about what we have like yes, that's one
theory and this this article that just came out NASA
veterans propellant-less propulsion drive
that physics says shouldn't work,
just produced enough thrust to overcome Earth's gravity.
Now this was developed by a man
by the name of Dr. Charles Bueller.
Bueller is a NASA engineer and co-founder
of the Exodus Propulsion Technologies.
And what I don't seem to understand is,
what it seems to say here,
is that if you electrify something correctly, it floats. So he is essentially
saying that you can, they, they, they can charge an object in a way to produce what
they called, what they figured, what they realized was one gravity. So what they did
was then what that means is that if you can get it to one gravity, that means it's actively fighting against the gravity,
the gravity of the planet earth. And so that means there's a one to one.
So eventually with that, what you could do is increase that.
And then it'll like be able to just very, very easily leave the planet earth.
Okay. Sure. And this is the electricity.
Fuck tells gravity to go fuck itself is what you're saying
See this is why you shouldn't let your kid go to fish
On 420 because what it does is that makes you number one lethally curious
Anything a man hands you and has a drug war gone. Yeah, and to it, you know, I think that
Yeah, it does help simplify your understanding of things. Yeah. And two, it, you know, I think that, yeah, it does help simplify our understanding
of things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So like maybe what do you think Ted
Bundy floated when they electrocuted him? Yeah. He was like, Oh, you stole fizzy lifting
drinks. So we can make a UAPs now. Well, they're saying that, well, what if we already have?
Or they don't, this is all very theoretical.
I would love for someone to explain it to me in a way that a fat bodied comedian man
might understand.
Yeah, UAPs, I feel like from what I've been learning from you, these last couple super
serious UFO mandates are, they would have to be drones.
Some of them. I feel like why send a person? Why
send an alien when you could just send a robot? It's very possible. Or do they send things in a,
I think the concept of them sending a, the image of a ship, like a hologram of a ship with them
in it from very, very, very far away. Okay. And then, so what if some of the stuff we see,
the reason why, what's the point of that? So that they can do recon.
Like let's say they are...
This is all under the one specific umbrella that these are flesh and blood creatures that
have to eat, like they have to have stuff.
So what if...
But they could just be a bunch of jelly.
Absolutely.
But they might still need to eat.
They might still need to do stuff. So let's just say one concept is they are either running out of resources like we are
or running out of literally just living space or they are conqueror race.
Are they just curious?
Literally just curious.
Are we them from the very, very, very far future or the very, very, very past?
Who knows?
And that maybe they're just literally this so then they
Couldn't create an interdimensional window
Essensibly to look at us from there. That's one theory. Mm-hmm. I
Don't know I don't buy it that they'd come here why you're here. I know I'm here. I was born here
Yeah, man, you didn't ask for that either. Yeah, but I think that if we were going to another planet years away,
how old am I going to get getting there?
Unless you can do it instantly through an interdimensional porthole.
I don't think they have those. Those don't make sense.
See, this is the thing. I thought fish would, you got to let it in.
Because you can see there's so many things capable.
How do you think Phil gets from place to place place? Who's Phil the lead singer of tray?
Trey Anastasia, what's Phil?
Phil is it for pen Tara? No, it's fucking punks a Tony Phil who's the lead singer of Pantera?
Who cares dying by Darrell's not him Trey Anastasia?
Oh, the only way he gets back and forth is by I mean like he probably just thinks he sits in a magic chair
And all of a sudden he's playing his electrified bandro. It is surprisingly thought out. Yeah, of course. It has to be you were right
Fill him cell mo. Oh from Phil. He's the other guy from that's the other guy from Pantera
He's a baby I don't think he's a nice guy.
Yeah, he's- he pissed off Dimebag Darryl
and then Dimebag got shot.
It's really very sad, actually.
Well, these are the updates.
I think we learned a lot about nothing.
And now it's time to get some news stories.
But for that, let's bring in our guest.
Yes.
Fly from your grave.
And now we have a very old friend
Very old friend of LPN
It is so good to have you in studio with us to check out some of these horrible stories Dan st. Germain
long time listener first time guest
Nice to see you buddy
Your new special dance fatty dance.
Dance fatty dance LPN network.
Check it out.
It's on YouTube for free.
Yeah, it's that easy.
And I think it's pretty funny.
That's a solid pitch.
Yeah, it's fine.
I feel like you might enjoy it.
Peacock a little.
Yeah.
I don't want to go total Schultz-y Schultz where I'm like this is fucking next level
you know like but I also don't want to be like this is a piece of shit like Philip Seymour
Hoffman boogie nights like fucking this piece of shit.
Well that's sad and kind of scary in a way.
Yeah if you were crying.
Yeah because also it's never changing everything.
I find out when someone says that it is,
it's definitely not.
Definitely not.
Yeah.
No.
There's a few instances like when they let
Jackie Robinson play that probably changed everything.
That changed everything.
A couple changed everything.
Change everything.
That changed everything.
When Marlon Brando didn't take the Oscar
and he sent that Italian woman.
Changed everything.
That changed everything. She wasn't Native American, she was Italian. Absolutely not. Yeah, when Marlon Brando didn't take the Oscar and he sent that Italian woman
She wasn't Native American she was Italian that's fucking hilarious
On a grip god, that's hilarious All right, so you're go Dan this is gonna be you're gonna love this story. Yes. All right
So now this was I actually find this extremely interesting a ten-year-old
Allegedly confesses to randomly killing a stranger when he was seven
So this was in texas obviously this 10 year old child according to the daily beast the text of the child
nonchalantly
Confessed to killing a man yeah like executed him in his sense the man
That's the dead man. That's not the child.
I wish that was the child.
He looks like an amalgamation of us.
Yeah, he never made a single correct choice.
If you die, unfortunately, and this is not, I'm trying not to victim blame here, but if
you die in a trailer, sitting in a chair, getting your face blown wide open by a seven
year old.
I think he was dead asleep though.
He did completely dead asleep. Shot him in the face. Shot him in the face. Just asking for it. Took his grandpa's gun and went and
shot him in the face and then the grandpa ended up stealing the gun not knowing that this happened.
So he thought he just killed himself. So apparently they said it was suspicious because of the angle.
He obviously was shot in the fucking face. So this child apparently was left without a
Super any form of supervision and then went in and I guess son. This was no
Yeah, it was it was it was no motivation whatsoever
For this kid dude was just asleep. Dude was just asleep
And so he the the kid apparently,
had saw him walk by in the trailer. He saw the gun. He was in his, in his grandfather's
car. It was in the front, was in the dash compartment, right? He pulls it out. Kid just
said, I'm like, Oh, this is fun. Oh, what fun. God, I've seen this on a TV. John Wick
using this. That's John Wick's favorite toy then he- There was like three different accents. It wasn't like from chimney, sweet British
to Kyoto, Japan.
SNL stop calling.
What, we got Brooks Wheeling over here?
Let's come down, you did fine, you did fine.
You did fine.
But then he was asleep and it's just asleep, like a schmuck.
Yeah.
And the kid walk up to him and just put the gun
and just blew his fucking brains out
And then apparently stood looked at his now fully dead corpse walk back
Put the gun back into his grandfather's stash compartment and then just walked away like he was fucking
Johnny Cash
Seven years old. Yeah, you know I what I think is because you guys are you know
it's a burgeoning enterprises last podcast on the left and you know how
Nickelodeon had like kids news yes you guys should do like last podcast on the
left kids news I would love that hear from his perspective sports illustrated
for kids I had that yeah that. Reaches out to Republicans. Exactly. That type of thing.
We can still throw Kurt Loder on to every once in a while.
He speaks to the kids. Yeah, for sure. But I would, I would, I would bring him on,
bring him into the fold.
So when asked, the child stated that he had never met Brandon
and did not know who he was, although he had observed him walking around the RV
earlier that day. The child that was also asked if he was mad although he had observed him walking around the RV earlier that day.
The child was also asked if he was mad at Brandon for some reason, or if Brandon had
ever done anything to make him mad. And the kid said, no, I thought that Brandon was trying
me and I knew that I had to regulate with my child's hand and I ended his life. Yeah.
So the child was able to direct law enforcement to the gun and then so this is where this all came from
So he just kind of casually said I shot a man to watch and this was three years later than his 10
Oh, yeah, he's a kid little sitting there smoking a cigarette going like right. Yeah, I fucking killed
I killed a man two years ago
Like he's fucking what was that wrestler that killed his molester that killed his
molester. What was the wrestler? The guy that killed it was the guy that
molested him. I'm not sure. I know. I mean, there's been famously a ton of,
Oh, that was the MMA guy. You're talking about Cain Velasquez shot. Well, he
never killed anybody. He also killed his molester no he didn't he tried to kill his son's molester and ended up shooting
this the dad of the molester
Oh, you're a bit of a info, come here. So the kid...
By the way, St. Dusky Innocent, no, just joking.
We need to take a look at the evidence again.
Was that guy a, that guy was a wrestler who did that though?
That was another wrestler who, oh no, this is the guy, this is a famous guy, Gary Ploucher.
This is a famous story of a guy that shot...
I have no idea what this is.
He shot the guy that molested his daughter as he was on his way into court.
He popped out from behind him. Oh, I saw that, yeah. Yes. That's the guy that molested his daughter as he was on his way into court. He popped out from behind me.
I saw that.
Yeah.
That's the guy who did that.
He shot him from as he was walking into court.
And he also get, how many years did he get?
He had a bunch of time.
There was another story.
I don't think, I think he got off, right?
Or he didn't get a lot of time.
You got to get in trouble for that, unfortunately.
You just hacked it. for that unfortunately. Unfortunately. No, no he was sentenced to seven years suspended sentence
with five hours probation and 300 hours of community service. Having said that if you go to prison as a
guy who murdered your your kids pedophile, you are like, I feel like you're Tom Brady. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. You go in there, You're made. Yeah. You can
do whatever you want. Yeah. I imagine that they treat him all right. Yeah. They treat
him all right. The guy that I was talking about was Marty Janetti. Marty Janetti. No,
that was, I understand. I, we've, we've covered, I have a wrestling podcast, wrestle roast.
That's turning into a working stiff, but it's me, Robert Carpenter, Mike Lawrence and Scott Chaplin, a very funny gentleman.
Marty Gionetti said that he wanted, he murdered this guy who
molested him at a bowling alley or tried to molest him and it's all bullshit. He's just one of those guys who just lies all the time.
He starts saying some stuff.
Because they investigated it and the police had to come out and be like, yeah, I think he...
I never told no one this this even my brother Gino yeah, you know what it killed him, and I didn't want my brother gone
Hell he'd only recently come home from Vietnam
I was 13 working at victory lanes bowling alley buying weed from a fucker that worked there
And he put his hands on me. He dragged me around the back of the building. You already know what he was gonna try to do
That's what he said. And then he said that was the first time he made a man disappear
Yeah, he always he talks like a huckleberry Finn character
But he yeah, he's he also said something very uncomfortable at his daughter on Facebook, you know, he's not a yeah
He's not well He's not Facebook. Yo, he's not a yeah, not well
He's not well, he's uh, he's not well
Thankfully he'll be here next week
I would feel honored if I uh, if I if I shared the dais with marty genetti
I love that guy, but the kid was all right. So back to the kid
with Marty Janetti. I love that guy. But the kid was all right so back to the kid it's weird he said it but what's was me totally makes sense while the child was
too young to face criminal charges for the incident he was just recently pulled
from a bus because he was charged for making a terroristic threat to another
student so he's already ready this kid's fucking yeah he's the next Marty Janetti
he's yeah dude he's you gotta put a tracker on that kid that's scary
I think they did actually yeah, it's good to see this juvie
He's got no he got nothing. Yeah, nothing absolutely
Under 10, you know, you can't get convicted for murder. That's really and that's we should be using
fucking kill people. Yeah. Yeah child assassins
Would be an incredible. Oh my god business
That would just be that we put them on the human traffickers and we call the children of the poor. Oh
My god, you guys are just pretty
called printing money
This is the printing money network
Is this the Printing Money Network? Because I'm just smelling those dollar bills.
Yeah, no, all we do is make great ideas.
I came up with Ho's Spice, the idea of a...
I remember that. I was into that, yeah.
And then Natalie shut down OK Groomer, the pet service that comes to you.
OK Groomer.
OK Groomer, and she was mad at that because she said, you know,
it sounds like everybody who works at?
Okay groomers gonna get murdered by somebody that Blake like a common pizza guy. I'm also because we're talking about pedophiles
I'm thinking grooming like okay groomer. Yes. Yeah, it gets a pedophile
We've heard it before Dan Schneider
You were the second guy with John Benet Ramsey. We've heard it.
You were there before.
It was cool.
It does work.
Actually, we should.
I don't know how we didn't think about that.
There's another revenge murder in the news.
If you guys want to check it out, please.
A Ram has killed a New Zealand couple.
This actually is.
This one's fucked.
This is like, they went to go, they went on a,
what do they call it?
They went to go check on them, a welfare check
on these very, very old people.
They were in their 80s.
Yeah.
And when they went out there, the old man, I guess,
went out there to feed the ram or some shit.
It was a rogue ram.
It wasn't their ram.
Oh, it was rogue? Yeah, it was a rogue ram. They didn't own it
I don't think many people own rams
They're not like ram is different than sheep. I could be an idiot, but I'm pretty sure that ram are their own thing dodge rams
That's right. Well, he already made the joke and I'm glad I should have done
I just what I'm saying is dodge the ram that was what he was saying before the show and I didn't approve. Yeah. I didn't approve the joke. I'm just I'm just
bringing out, you know, bring up those at midnight puns. Many small flock owners have
just one ram which needs to be separated at some point. That makes sense. Because the
rams got to fuck the rams. The one that fucks all the rest of them. Oh, the ram is like
the rooster of the sheep community. I'm just saying stuff too, buddy.
I'm also just saying stuff, but I'm pretty certain that that's true. They had some sheep, some chickens and some cattle.
But they killed it. So basically they showed up.
The old man went out to go feed the sheep or some fucking garbage.
The ram immediately murdered him. I don't know if you call it murder with the ram.
No, I don't think it's murder. I think it's just, you know,
like they were killed by an animal.
But then the old lady was like, wish my husband and she went in to go look for him.
Got got.
And the ram got her too.
Isn't that was that Spanish horror movie that came out last year where they're
looking at the go when evil lurks when evil lurks.
It sounds like a scene from one evil or juicy lamb.
I haven't seen lamb yet. Lamb fucking
rocks dude. Like the half is like the half man half lamb or whatever. That's some good
shit. It's really fucking weird. But then the police came because I guess that's where
you call because they showed up. They found the two people fucking rammed to death in
their pen and then the fucking Ram bowed up at the cops and they had to light them up and shot the ram in the head.
He squared up. Oh yeah dude. That ram was coming in, that ram didn't want it. He said he was not driving, he was traveling.
He says that he broke his contract by not signing his license. He says that legally I can't have a license, I'm'm a ram that guy looks like he's upset from having to kill the ram. I think it's not fun
I think that we we actually did cover like a not funny statistic talking about how many dogs police officers have shot like you know
And how they just don't give a shit at all
But I don't think like anybody's like super jazz
But I do feel like if you just got to kill another type of animal even that's kind of sad
I think once the ram killed the second person, it signed its own death warrant.
Oh yeah.
Then it's the son of ram.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then it's like a serial killer.
Yeah.
They had to kill.
I honestly didn't think New Zealand cops had guns.
I can't believe he killed two people.
Killed two people.
That's wild.
Married couple.
That's more than Mark David Chapman
Very that is a murderous animal dead. Oh my goodness Well, shout out to them. Shout out to who the dead people. Oh fine
I guess but also 80s 80s is hard. You got a people work long into their 80s
I just don't understand people have that type of like
Hardcore like my Chris who works on your pretty faces going to hell who worked on your pretty faces going at the hell
His father is like 85 years old and he still like
Manages vintage apple orchards and shit and it's like the only thing my father can do is smoke
Yeah, and I don't know how they get to that
I don't know how they I mean, that's a hard job
She's out there all day and vintage. Yeah, Phil. What does that mean? He saves apple lineages
So he goes in trying like this is a very specific
Role in society. Yeah., how like people killed by animals
That's got to be like very rare in general right gotta be surreal. I know lots of dead people in my life
Yeah, not one of them was killed by an animal give alibis for each one
Yeah, I'm at lots of restaurants
Lots of movies around 201 deaths annual yeah, it's not that much because again, we don't have, it's not like we're in America. That's only in America. We're not in a quote unquote agrarian culture anymore. Yeah, well, I'm trying to write this new bit about like, you know, my sympathy for your crocodile death depends on what area of the world you're from. Like if you're from Indonesia, I'm like, I feel bad because you were just trying to fish
for your family.
But if you like, you were in Florida or something, it's like you were trying to, it's like this
fucking croc thinks it's better than me.
I get your fault.
The more, the more first world nation it is, the more fault it is.
Do you ever see that video of it was a, it was a little old lady and she has a very,
very tiny dog on a leash
And you're watching her fight this little dog. It's it looks like a fucking Looney Tunes cartoon. Yeah, it's this little dog going
at this alligator just like open up to staring at and this little dog and she's like come on come on and
This the alligator just takes the fucking dog and the lady in one go
like he just like the dog hits the back of the alligator's throat
And the fucking chomps on his arm and literally just pulls the lady like just kills him both
Yeah, just sucks him right in the lake. Yeah, it's not cool. Where do you get those videos? I'll send you some later
Sent in to us you talk about fucking we have another super morbid one. I want to send you I'm glad Dan's here
All right, we could show that's a morbid. Yeah, this one's really fucked up. This is fucking yeah, you'll like this one. This is a
Horrible is this horrible video is this Brazil? No, I want to do the first one
I wanted to do with the dude getting lit up. Okay. Yeah, let's do that because already caught talked about it with the Ram
So this is just I just wanted to show you this video and you can get this reaction
This is like this fucked so this is in the Seattle Police Department,
man, my name, Chief Adrian Diaz.
So a guy, so they had set up a sting at a double tree,
which makes sense, where they were setting up an old man
to come and I guess, 67, they say the,
they call it a meeting between two young girls,
the seven, ages seven and and eleven and unless they're
They're there to do candy sampling for Hershey's. Yeah, I don't think that it's like a meeting
You know I mean, I think he's there to have sex with these little girls
And so what the cops are there they set up as a sting and they show the video
This is dashcam footage from inside of the
Room so they were waiting for him to come in and so if you want to pull up the video
I just want to show it to these a day and will kill not this one not this one. We're gonna that's next
Unfortunate man, it is unfortunate
So they were so these two police officers were inside of the the hotel room
And then all of a sudden they I guess they were waiting for this dude because he was supposed to come in and they were
They were just gonna grab him and then this fucking happened
Yeah, dude, yeah
It's fucked up. All right cut it. So this guy was like he came in the reason why it's truly crazy
Is that that guy was coming in with a gun ready?
He thought that those little girls with the little girl handler were in that room with the police
But then you saw the dude as he pulled it up. That was a crazy move by the cop,
because the cop put, he did, I guess,
with this guy a perfectly executed defensive maneuver
where he grabbed the gun as he got it
and he pressed it to his chest.
And then he, I guess, shot himself in the arm,
but then those two just got, just lit him up.
So do you think this guy was coming to kill the people
who held the children?
I think that he was coming to steal the children. Do you think he was coming to kill the people who held the children I think that he was coming to steal the children you think he was coming to see he wasn't like some weird
Vigilante, I mean either way it was a bad move. It was definitely a bad
Gun out of the cop I say you're going to that's the actual sound of freedom
You know what if god I guess if it was a water gun, it would be bad.
Because if that was a funny joke, that would be a funny joke for a human trafficker to
play, wouldn't it?
And then I also wonder if you were to, if you're going to bring cereal and candy.
Well, yeah, I just think, I don't know.
I think there's something too, like all these people who've been fucking
weaponized by
anti-fucking just just
Misinformation. Oh, yeah, of course. So wait, what do you think that he's saying that that guy is you're saying that that guy was scared of his own
Pedophilic activities and so he brought a gun to protect himself
I think he was posing as a pedophile to go to get these children
and become a hero and then the cops killed him. All I know is if you're a cop
if you're the cop in that situation and you're talking to other people like it's
like I just I shoot this kid he was 16 he was sticking to feel terrible he goes oh
really I just you know just killed a pedophile there was about to shit. He gets a free milkshake. Yeah. No, this cops
definitely not going to buy a drink for the rest of his life. But they're saying here
that I'm the best way to kill somebody. Yeah. So this guy, so they were conducting an internet
crimes against children tax force operation. Yeah. So that's what that, that's what I guess this is. So I guess they, well,
they do the thing that they, they build a case. They have like the,
they, you ever, there's a series on TLC,
I believe that covers the units of the,
they are largely female officers.
They're cops that act like children. And that they, They're there and that they when they call like would they they go like they have little
handcuffs and
It's weird they have these two like very slight
Lady police officers and then they are not then they hire a service that is not cops, that just sounds like children.
They get an of age woman who will sound like a child and they use it to communicate with the pedophile to get them hooked.
Right? To get them all...
So that service is just for the cops?
What was that?
Right, to get them all out. So that service is just for the cops?
What was that?
Is that service just for the cops?
I did just sound like somebody who's about to use that service.
So maybe you forget what I just said.
Is that service just for the cops?
At what level UCB class do they teach you?
Yeah, act like a child for the police.
I think it's once you get to Matt Besser's home.
I didn't book SNL, but...
Hey, I got this new...
He's teaching me.
Internet crimes against children apparently are up 67% from 2022 to 2023.
It is very, very bad.
That's crazy.
Makes sense though, right?
Does it?
I don't know. I mean, it just feels like the internet keeps getting bigger. So yeah, I guess so. Well, it's also more. I think that we're paying attention to it. essentially it wasn't a crime to do anything to a child until like 1995 or
whatever like yeah a long time no one has cared about kids they've been used
as disposable for for and now we're just trying to fix that which I think is
probably the uptick is that it's more so in the actual pursuing of it yeah by the
police the cyber tip line received 36.2 million reports of suspected child sexual exploitation in 2023.
And go check out Dan St. Germain's new special.
Spatty dance.
Spatty dance. I have never, that's, there's only some things you can hear on his spats.
This plug's really helping me.
I want to say, first off, like out of all the podcasts I've done, like last podcast's probably one of my favorites, if not my favorite.
Thank you, Dan.
Huge fan. I got listening, I listened to it during my, well I'm married now, but my last breakup.
Oh, yeah.
Not the one you guys knew.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one after that.
The medium one.
I got really too into the Franklin cover-up
We talked about this many times kind of ruined my life. I don't then the Robert Picton stuff
I wrote a thriller about that and I left like comedy stand-up for like two years just write thrillers
so in a lot of ways my favorite podcast in other ways to
ruin my
Really wrote the Robert Picton screenplay?
I did write a Robert Picton.
It's not exactly, if you know Robert Picton,
you read the screenplay, you're like,
oh, this is clearly based on that.
But it's not, it's like an homage.
It's not totally, it's fiction,
but he's clearly the basis for the character.
It's like a fan, you're like,
you're from a fan's perspective.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're talking about from the fan, it's like a fan. You're like you're from a fan's perspective. Yeah. You're talking about from the
fans, how the fans love.
I'm I'm I am firmly
in the side of the victim during
the script.
Firmly in the side of the victims.
There's not no there's not a
it's not like one of them were
picked in.
What if you may be wondering how I
got here?
Oh, you know.
Feeding people made out of sausages.
I've always wanted to see pictorial of the actual, like, the idea of that, the hangout,
going to the, with the pig palace, doing all that kind of shit.
I got so into it.
When I was writing it, I was headlining the Vancouver yuck yucks because I hadn't left
stand up yet and I went around to all the spots picked and used to pick up women in
Vancouver. Wow. It was very dark. No I didn't pick them up. I was I admit Sarah
at that point I was it was such a dark area that when I went into the strip
club that was the one that felt like a Starbucks. When I was there I was like this feels really nice.
Wow, ooh this is nice.
Yeah.
I'll hear your story.
Really, really, really bleak,
really bleak down there in Vancouver.
No, it is.
There's some places in Vancouver that are tough,
which is a beautiful city.
But I also hear, I hear it's wonderful,
but I haven't heard that before as well.
East Hastings.
With the open air drug market.
I was just walking around there.
I love the people of Vancouver.
On an edible.
But yeah, it was horrible.
I went there, the last time we were there, they have it's the walking dead unfortunately there's like the heroin problem is insane
Yeah, downtown Vancouver. It's I feel bad for them, but it's the most blood. I've seen just open
Yeah, and the city and that's a some mystery. Yeah, good work, Canada
Honestly, you beat us except for a cuz it's Dublin and could could be Dublin and Vancouver is the most open blood I've seen places.
Yeah. New York. I saw a lot of open blood. We'll get you there.
New York's gotten when I was in the East village. I mean, I'm living in Queens now,
but people just shooting up right now. Oh yeah. Right. And by the way,
I just got out of rehab again in December. Yeah. And, uh, the, the,
the kids on drugs now in their early twenties,
like I'm never going to hear anybody like say that the seventies party hardest And the kids on drugs now in their early 20s,
like I'm never gonna hear anybody like say that the 70s party hardest,
that our generation party hardest,
these kids are on medical grade fentanyl
and end of life drugs a lot.
And they're superstructure.
It's basically like comparing the NBA
before they left black people play.
You know what I mean? Like we're the white NBA.
And these new kids are like when Jordan showed up.
They're taking host spice drugs?
They're taking like, like I can't, you can't understand them. They don't fuck. They just
go, you know, like, you can handle and I'm like, yeah, you're right. I couldn't know no, I just like alcohol too much
No, yeah, yeah, the post Malone generation. Oh, dude. It's it's crazy
He's doing all the fast to the face tattoos a lot of my faces to
70% want to be DJs. Yeah. Hey, that's a fucking great entry-level career for anybody who loves fentanyl. It's a real job now
It is sorta that's fine. Well, I'm job now. It is sorta. It's fine.
But I'm glad that you look good though.
I'm good, yeah, six months back.
Six months, hey!
Dance, Fetty dance!
Check it out, baby.
Fly from Northway.
All right, we got one last,
you know what the guy said in the story.
This story I love because we've been,
what we've noticed with Side Stories
and with Last Five Guests in general,
which I'm sure you've noticed as a listener is that for some reason
Stories and and things come in cycles a lot like you know
We're just we're trying to get out of our current bestiality cycle like we're trying to fucking animals
It's just been a lot right not to mention it, but then we're getting into the updates and then they get discussed
We gotta stop talking. The problem is with your personality although you want to get out of it I
don't know if that's possible I'm locked into this yeah I feel like something you
have to talk about horse quits last week I know I don't know that! Did I tell you I used to be a movie usher at the IFC?
This is a true story. You got fired.
I got no I quit but I got thrown out by the projection or like a cartoon like he threw me out because I was
drunk watching like wrestling results. But anyway, I was there. This was about a day after
Baldwin had called his daughter a fat pig on The View.
We were showing that documentary about Mr. Hands,
the guy who got fucked to death by a horse and died.
Yes.
At 10 a.m., this was the day after Baldwin got canceled,
he came in to watch the first showing of that movie,
the horse fucking movie.
Zoo. Zoo.
Yeah, zoo.
Hour and a half later, hour he had glasses an hour
and a half later. I hear from the back of my ear here, disturbing. Wasn't it? And I
turned around and I'm like, somehow I think that led to the rush shooting. I don't know.
I don't know. Like I have like like my JFK the little arrows going everywhere
There were horses on set
What is the craziest like why would you like what a looney tune just like he had to relax he's been I'm getting a lot
of heat
But the cycle that we're currently stuck in is fucking people weekend at Bernie's in people.
Yeah.
It is this idea of people using other people's corpses for monetary gain.
It is now this is going to be the third story we have covered in as many weeks over someone doing
it.
Pardon me, I wonder if they influence each other.
Yes.
If they if it's like almost like copycatting.
Well, this one's in the middle of Brazil.
So I don't know if they got our news down there.
All right.
So this comes here.
This is in Brazil.
A woman brought a man in a wheelchair into a South American bank, but an attempted to
take a loan out on his name.
But the man had been dead for hours.
Erica de Sousa Vieira Nunez, 42, was arrested Tuesday following the
bizarre incident in Bangu, a neighborhood in western Rio de Janeiro.
The woman claimed that the man identified by police as 68 year old
Paulo Roberto Braga was her uncle and wanted to sign papers for a $3,250 loan.
And then when he arrived at the bank, it was very much so a dead man.
And when the best part is, is that this woman was so concerned with positioning her dead
uncle into a way that would make him look like he was alive. She was not paying attention
to the fact that the teller was actively filming her. Yeah. Do this. And she's like smiling
next to the body filled. So there is never as fun as you think it's gonna be.
I know it's not because of the stink!
And it's the sallow open mouth stare of a corpse.
That's a real corpse right there.
Oh yeah yeah yeah.
So this is a video.
She is just, she is using, she is holding up his head.
Is that one of the aliens from Mac and Me?
Sir. We did it Joe
But she isn't asking for that much though, that's my it's like if you're gonna do this I would at least go for 10k
I think that's probably why she should have gotten it
This is shows the desperation to get it, but this guy is extremely dead and the
way she's she is operating his hands like he is gonzo.
Yeah, like he is doing it like he is a muppet like she's just moving his head back and
forth.
He's like going like, hey, pay attention, pay attention, smack in his face, make him
go.
Oh, yes.
But the tellers filming everything.
Yeah, because it's so obvious, unfortunately.
Unbelievable.
And I just, I don't have a single dead person
I have access to.
I just want to try it once.
You will.
Okay, if I'll give this, you know what,
I will give the last Podcast Network permission
to use my body for a bit.
Is that saved?
Thank you, yeah, saved it.
Is that saved? We are going to do that. We're going to use that. For sure. You're going saved. Thank you, yeah, it's saved it.
We are going to do that.
We're going to use that.
I'm not leaving that.
You're gonna have to talk to my wife about it first,
but yeah, she probably won't be happy.
She's already out of the, you know.
She'll have left me at that point.
Yeah, let's face it.
No, because then she'll get you after.
That's the show you're talking about,
Undercover Underage on Discovery+.
That's so weird that it just came up like that. Actually. Yeah. That show is called undercover.
Underage. She looks like every West Coast comedy book.
Oh my God. Yeah.
She does sort of look like Jordan Jensen.
The cops in Rio said they've never seen anything like this. Well, that's,
but that's one of the murder capitals of the world. Yeah, dude.
That's in Rio de Janeiro. Yeah. That is crazy.
It has to be absolutely insane. All right, let me, do we got anything else?
Do we got anything we wanna cover?
I wanted to get a quick, you know,
we got a problem here, Dan, I'm sure this hurts you.
Red Lobster is considering chapter 11 brain carpsy.
No shit.
I'm really happy that we did, we had two,
we had open death, we had a corpse.
But now I think it's important to get to one
of the main stories we were gonna try to cover this week was the
Red Lobster's Red Lobster's going away.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And it's the end. Guess who they're shifting the blame to?
Us.
Immigrants?
No.
Us.
Yeah, because we ate too much of the endless shrimp.
They legitimately say
They say
that America has devastated the shrimp economy. Because they used to only do it once a week,
and then after COVID, they had to get people back
in the restaurants.
Wait, is that guy like weeping?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh my god.
We had no idea how much shrimp they could eat.
And then one man would come, and he'd bring a bigger man.
And I'm like, oh, he certainly won't just be, and then he'd bring a bigger man and I'm like oh he certainly won't just
be and then he'd be ordering the shrimp and I figured well don't you want a
steak man don't you want one of our delectable pasta dishes they lost 11
million dollars in the third quarter last year and shrimp
total America seem like that much to me maybe I just think we're fatter than we...
I think that we're fatter and then maybe shrimps are smaller?
Look, the only thing we're gonna really miss,
I mean, I like red lobster,
but cheddar bread biscuits are the only thing we're gonna like.
I mean, they're gonna sell those biscuits forever.
Yeah, they'll get some.
I make the cheddar biscuits at home
and we make them better.
I would just say if you're outback,
make an aggressive move to get the cheddar bay biscuits.
Actually, that's a really fucking good chance.
Someone come or this is a good chance for Sizzler to put their ass back on the map.
Yeah, Sizzler should come back. They're the last boat standing.
I've never been to the bubble gum. Good. It's not. No, it's not.
I've went with Mike Lawrence a couple of times. He likes going there,
but it's horrible. He, he eats he eats shrimp chips
You know, you know guy who runs writing seminars now
Each shrimp chips from a bag
That's when we knew him
God, but a red lobster was kind of fine though. I feel like red lobster
I liked my meal at redster more than these other chains.
That's why I think that Sizzler has an opportunity.
I think Sizzler for it, Bubba Gump is bad.
Outback is bad.
What's wrong with Bubba Gump?
Outback's okay.
The wings are pretty good at Outback.
The wings are good?
Surprising.
The capuri or kachuri.
I don't know how.
Last time.
I will get your producer like he's going to know.
No, I would ask you.
If there was one person.
The kappa power, it's delicious.
The wings that I had there were fucking delicious.
Really? Last time I went to also a piece of trash and I was relapsing when I had those
The most understandable part of it
Of course. Yeah, those are relapse that was the wings were so good. I this is how it was in Detroit
I was supposed to go home. I got too drunk and ate the wings and I just stayed another night at a motel near the airport
My wife the next day. Yeah, well, she's not letting me go on another rehab trip guys. I yeah
It's not worth it. It's just wings. It's just wings
More dead mom stuff we'll talk about that on
Brighter Side tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah. Are you guys doing, um,
he's gonna come do Brighter Side stories.
But you're doing?
Was it Dead Parents?
No, no, no. I was just popping his podcast.
Yeah, yeah, no. I'll bring it up though.
But yeah, the Kapoori, Kapoori wings
are good.
Well, I'm just glad they brought you back
I'm glad that you're here today, Dan. I'm always glad to see you guys. I miss you guys. Yeah, this has been great Is there anything else like we got Dan a gift? Oh, you did. Yeah, we got you
I said no gifts. Yeah
We got you a gift. Here you go. This is for you. I hope you like it. Hope you like it. This is my dad's movie his father wrote the film
It the new film Freud's last session and we got Dan a science
Marcus and I sign
And I signed a poster for your father. For your father's film for you.
I want to give this to my cousins.
Dad's father wrote a Freud's last session.
It was in the theater.
He's a little bit, he's a little bit bummed out because it was more of a bomb than he thought.
So now I don't think we can give him this poster is going to help. No, but my, my carny friends, because they got it clearly for free in some package.
Yeah. It was one of the great, he stole it from the trash. So like the origin story is
going to depress the fuck out of him. This is amazing. It was still playing. Hey, check it out now. Freud's was great play. It'll
be, you know, like the great, great play and they adapted it, you know, but it is on, I
think Amazon. You can rent it. Apparently Anthony Hopkins is fine. Yeah. He does his
job. Did your dad get to meet Anthony Hopkins?
Yes.
Well, at least there's that.
They softly kissed.
No.
Yeah, he did.
He did meet Anthony Hopkins.
Yeah, my dad, I don't know how I became such a fucking, like a low rent art form.
No, comedy is a guy after-
Have you not seen the internet?
Comedy is the most important
We are the only one speaking truth to power we're the only one saying the right stuff about vaccines about race and gender
Issues I don't know about you guys I get more news from the Daily Show than I do the real news
I don't even have any honestly. I don't need these letters. We'll do the we'll do letters next week
All right, the only letter I have it's like it's actually all right. You know I'll do this one last letter for Dan
Okay, well my just you know, this is just proof
I have like time to kill before my dinner, and I just want to hang out with you
And I also want to get a higher approval rating than hold in
And I also want to get a higher approval rating than Holden. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need to, but yeah, let us know how Dan did.
Compared to Holden specifically.
Compared to Holden.
If you have a...
If one of them had to come back, would you rather be Dan or Holden?
I already know the answer.
I already know the answer.
Hey, if Holden got a 53% it's a Biden win.
We've talked about it.
And we'll be announcing it on Holden's podcast
All right, here's a one horrible letter. I'll get your response on this. All right
I love your episodes on her bowmeister. Great. Well my dad who was a big tall man from New York
He had been married twice and had four kids. No one knew a secret
Apparently my 52 year old dad likes to wear women's clothing and participate in BDSM. On Halloween night 2000, he put on a contraption that would lock his hands under his knees so he
could jack off all while choking himself. The next morning he hadn't showed up to his office,
which he owned and ran. A family member went in and found my dad dead in a face that was pitch
black, still in that contraption. Come to find out that when you asphyxiate, your face turns a black due to the lack of
oxygen.
Upon searching his house, they found other items, women's clothes and whatnot.
And the worst of all was that my family had an open casket and there wasn't enough makeup
in the world to make him look normal.
His death certificate lists the cause of death as autoerotic asphyxiation.
Oh, so they felt the need to write that to us.
Hey guys, I'm just, now that I know this, you need to know this too. I can't be the
only one who lives with this for the rest of my life. So I had died from blackface.
That's the one that's actually the only time you can get away with blackface. Is on our erotic fixation.
Man, if only Kimmel had done that in the sketch instead of Charles Barkley.
That should have been the cover.
If you're not laughing, you're crying.
By the way, I will say, I did talk about this on one podcast, but I feel like you guys are
the ones that I really should bring it up to.
I did start wearing two years ago
while I was on the road, women's underwear,
older women's underwear, over 55,
because I find I have a very large ball sack.
My dick is very mediocre, but I have a very large ball sack.
Me too.
And if you have a large ball sack,
it has the same dimensions as an older woman's outie pussy. So
Before you were a normal box you for the ed I
Seen a lot of my bundle before but I just trying to say I know what you're working with
Oh like mrs. Dad fire underwear is the way to go did dude. Really? Yeah. Great. So being great. These breeds, just make sure you're not fooling around with your lady that
night. Truly. Cause like I've dated that. My Sarah's been into it and I've taken it
off and she's seen him. She goes, I'm good. Yeah. Is she not do your laundry? Not anymore.
Sometimes. Yeah. Julie and I do each other's laundry.
So it's like, I couldn't have old lady never trust me with her laundry. Oh,
really? Yeah. Why would any absolutely? She would never trust me.
Julie trusts you with her clothes. I'm great at it. I could fold. I could,
I had to do chores when I was a kid. Yeah, I wash clothes,
but I don't wash Natalie's special clothes. It's her special clothes.
She is special clothes. Yeah., well she does have weird clothes.
Well, it's just the panties.
I don't wash panties.
I read the labels and everything.
Don't put it in the dryer.
I just don't want to ruin anything.
Yeah, you got to read the labels.
Well, you know, this is actually incredible advice, Dan.
Yeah.
I actually didn't know.
I mean, look, I love my Tommy John's.
I'll say this, if you get a nice air condition, you know, like just-
Is there a brand you like?
I just got the bloomers that were there were women's Hanes
I believe I believe you're not even going for a upper level. I'm not even going for jokes on this
I'm just giving you my thank you. What about your legs or you get chafed your big guy?
Thanks, Ed. No, I'm just joking. I was thinking about me. No, they didn't shave at all
It's just it's just a nice like well, I'm not these are these are two for two young by the way you name
I'm talking about no, I'm just but I really don't care bloomers. I'm talking about bloomers like Google bloomers
bloomers yeah, I've seen bloomers
It's always unlike Mary Todd Lincoln, But like flowery, can you flower?
That's closer is to those there, but flowery bloomers.
That's what I've been, I've been wearing.
Well, I know what I'm getting Eddie for his birthday.
It's not.
I mean, it's a nice, you know, it's, it's, you know, if you have an Audi pussy or big
balls, that's incredible.
Your balls don't go on the other sides of the thing.
Like like elephant ears. Your balls don't go on the other sides of the thing like ears, I mean like
If I'm like shootings, you know, like if I need it like for stand-up
I want but if it's a night in and I just needed to breathe then I wear women's underwear
Yeah, I just wear is this what you do. No judgment. No mine's a little bit. Yeah
That's Lolita bloomers for women do anything that says Lolita you are not allowed to purchase
Nothing with a cute name cranberry bad bottom
Well, this has been incredible incredible episode thank you guys for being here today
Go to patreon.com slash last podcast unless you if you want to check out all the other
Stuff that we do if you want to see our bodies if you want to see you behind the scenes
But it's there go to tick tock and LP on the left comm. I don't know what it's LP on the left
Whatever it is tick tock. It's gonna be gone soon
We go see then we're going to last podcast and left that calm
We're going back on
tour.
And so for those of you that don't know, there are some of you, I'm sorry, you're part of
the plug section.
Oh yeah, for sure, buddy.
For sure.
So this week we are doing, and those of you, I think that we have it on our Patreon, and
we also might release some tickets, but I don't think we are.
I don't know yet.
Thursday and Friday, we're doing our full on, we are writing our show in front of people.
Yeah.
Our last podcast on the Left Live show,
we're doing that Thursday and Friday at the Sirius XM Garage.
That's on, if you can.
You're writing it in front,
like people are watching your process.
We come up with material, like we've done this every tour.
And then what we do is we kind of like,
the first couple of shows we'll do
with no specific material, we just improv. And then we go go from there and then we'll go and cobble it together
and then write it after. So I'm excited. I think it's going to be fun.
Come see us and we're really going to be working shit out.
So it's going to be pretty good.
And we're going to have to cause Denver's almost sold out.
We're going to have to do a show. We have to do it.
Also this week I'm going to be on page seven. So check that out.
I'm sitting in for MJ this week.
Oh great.
Yeah and so yeah I'll be there and then also Dan is gonna be on Brighter Side Stories.
I'm excited.
You guys the next Denver show I know you already have the venue now but the next one you guys
should do in the underground Denver airport.
You guys have to do it.
They're just so they I it's the same thing.
Have you ever stayed at the Watergate in DC. Yeah, they're they're not they like lean in
Smell us when we come in. Oh, yes. They're like, yeah, you like it put it in the other room
I want to do it on the Ramsey's front yard
Over at the John Benet Ramsey home
It's been fun.
Triple L baby.
You know, live every day.
No one was good for your balls.
Be the arbiter of what's good for your balls.
Don't let anybody tell you what's good for your balls.
And you know, love the fact that you wear women's underwear,
but it's not even about anything. It's about comfort.
No, or an outie pussy.
Or balls or an outie pussy.
And then laugh. Especially if you have a big gap in outie pussy, then
you have something that can hold it. Dance fatty dance, dance, fatty dance. I don't know
why I started screaming my plug. Dance fatty dances is the special on YouTube. Please check
it out. I also have a wrestling podcast working stiff and soon, which maybe I'll come back
in a year for this. Me and Sean Donnelly are going to do a new podcast.
We haven't discovered exactly what it is yet.
I want to see Sean too.
I did have a horror movie broadcast for like 16 weeks and then had to end it
because of rehab.
The show was really funny though.
But that show was really funny.
But like this is, I will be having a new comedy podcast with Sean Donnelly
coming out, but if you like pro wrestling check that out, please
Please goddamn watch my special and if and if you like wrestling pray for me and me and Dan Soders Peacock show to go
I promise I'll do it. I swear. I'll do it. I'll come on
Listen he's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. Just please please check out this is fun And and please remind holding that I was a better guess. Oh, we will in on Twitter
Most certainly do right by fuckers
I do. All right, bye fuckers.