Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - 489: Ep 489 - The Council
Episode Date: April 11, 2024Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ https://www.patreon.com/MSsecretpod Buy Merch @ https://www.mssecretpodcast.com/merch/ Go See Shane Live @ https://www.shanemgillis.com/ Go See Matt Live @ https://mattmccus...ker.com/ Go See Shawn Gardini live if you want @ https://linktr.ee/shawngardini Please go to optimum noctis in austin at the creek and the cave first tues of every month. Go watch Gilly and Keeves and 'The Special' @ https://gillyandkeeves.tv/ Or on Amazon Prime ! @GillyandKeeves Go to psychnaw.com iTunes Link https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/matt-and-shanes-secret-podcast/id1177068388 Spotify Link https://open.spotify.com/show/32p08HngccrVVyugc45Ljp Visit thefreezepipe.com and use code DRENCHED for 10% off your order Download the PrizePicks app or visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/DRENCHED today and use code Drenched for a first deposit match up to $100 Head to ShadyRays.com and use code: DRENCHED for $20 off polarized sunglasses. Upgrade your wardrobe and get up to 25% OFF @trueclassic at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED! #trueclassicpod
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Wow
My god screaming into the atmosphere
Finally back. We were fired up dude you got to fuck the
Yeah, I'm motherfucking the sigma on fraud psycho analysis can go fuck itself
That's that's a position held by a lot of people
That is a position held by a lot of people, but then there's you know technically the talking cure did work
Letting people talk talk talk talk, and rearrange their basically symbolic self.
You know, there's something to that as well.
Talking, talking, talking, talking, and going, oh, wait a second.
So you can gleam an insight, you can gleam a valuable insight that only you can experience
as being completely valid.
Through conversation.
Yes.
Yes.
And that's the argument against therapy.
Some people say like, dude, this is, we're basically prostituting a form of relationship that should just be held, you know.
Hell yeah.
But that's, that's, uh, I see both sides of it. I absolutely see both sides.
Yeah, I could see it working. If you didn't have any buddies.
Yeah. Or.
No bruskies and buds.
No bruskies, no buds.
No bruskies and buds. You're gonna need to hire someone to talk to.
True.
You can't go down to the local B-dubs and chat it out
and go, fucking my wife is such a fucking cunt.
Yes, can we get another picture?
Or you might wanna access something
outside of your context.
I'll get 10 garlic parm.
My wife's a cunt.
And all your buddies go, yeah dude, my wife's a cunt.
And then you go, yeah, but maybe I should have
gone to her parents' house.
Yeah.
And then you go, wow, I just saved $700
to listen to some fucking dickhead from NYU
talk to me about.
Have you considered going to her parents' house?
Why, what comes up for you when you
think about her parents' house? Like, you dream board them? What comes up for you? We think about our parents house,
but they stream boredom.
What happened to you as a child
that you don't want to go to her parents house?
Yeah. Yeah.
Now I'm just against being bored.
Like, wait a second.
I had fucking parents.
Well, you should.
We ever boarded your at your home growing up and go,
holy shit, I was.
Well, this is a breakthrough.
Well worth every penny.
I was basically molested by boredom.
Yeah.
There's a, but there's an argument to like, you can get outside of your context.
Cause if you, if you're in the, if you're beat up circle, only has access to a certain level of discourse.
And then you're trapped within this thing where you either conform or beat up circle.
The council.
The high council.
Just different sports jerseys like, yeah.
My most trusted advisor.
My most trusted advisor.
My friend in a Vikings jersey.
God, these wings are hot today.
Fucking beat ups makes them hot.
Your friend's eyes are just tearing his nose right
now. That truly sounds like hell. I feel sorry for you. That's good though. You need the
B-Dubs council. You need the B-Dubs council to be like, dude, stop being gay. Fucking
go do it. You are at 1000% right about that. You need the B-Dubs council. Yes. For sure.
And I do pity those without the B-Dubs council. It man. You need to be otherwise You can get sucked into the absolute labyrinth. That is your wife's brain
Because they are world builders, dude
They can create just the wildest world and you would need the beat ups council to be like
You're not in that world cuz you get lost. She's making the world up. You will get lost in her world, dude
You will get lost god damn go out the beat ups council go lost. God damn. Without the B-Dub's council.
Going to your lady's house,
just dreaming about being at the B-Dub's council instead.
Can't wait to get out of here
to go straight to the dubs, dude.
The garlic parm.
The garlic parm, ooh-wee.
Man, that was a major issue in a previous relationship
of going-
The B-Dub's council? No, going to her family's house for holidays and shit.
Actually, it's been almost every relationship,
but there was one particular one,
an old one that was, I couldn't do it.
It was just women.
There was literally zero B-Dubs Council
within the family house.
Bro, you need, I'm telling you, that is a real thing.
It's- And I, dude- they would sit and just talk about stuff.
They would talk about, they're like,
oh, at Macy's they have a sale on these.
And then the other girl would go,
oh, I need to get down there.
At Boscov's they're selling these blenders for 30% off.
Dude, it's insane.
I go, these are really good blenders.
They're birds, they're birds grabbing twigs for the nest.
It's insane.
I'm telling you, if you don't have...
You can be the hardest strain of feminism, whatever,
but I'm not being mean. I'm not trying to own babes,
but it's like, if there's not a dude around for years,
you need it. Otherwise, the chicks go crazy, dude.
You need someone talking football in World War II.
You'd absolutely need that.
Or just a guy going, what are you worried about?
Yeah, that's not real.
And they go, oh, okay, thank you.
Because they will spin themselves out into oblivion.
Chicks can hold, I think, like six thoughts
in their head at once.
It's a fucking curse.
I swear to God, they're running on just like, it's insane.
The Hydra is in there just like,
yeah, she called you fat.
The blender is good. I caught a glimpse one time. It's insane. The Hydra's in there just like, yeah, she called you fat. Yeah.
The blender is good.
Yeah.
I caught a glimpse one time.
I've talked about this before.
He's at B-Dubs again.
Get him.
Call him right now.
Ruin the council.
I think your stomach hurts.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude, there's one time,
because you know when you're like at nighttime
and you're falling asleep,
that's when your brain can really just kick it into gear
and you're like, what's going on? One time, like, Brittany gear and you're like what's going on one time like pretty was breathing heavy
I'm like, what's up with you?
And she went but I'm a little bit and named like 14 things in 10 seconds
And I was like, oh what the fuck god damn like you're running like six fucking worries at once
Yeah, I'll get home and just be like I was a fucking idiot tonight and that's just one track
She was like doom doom doom doom doom past present future, doom, past, present, future, three different people.
And it was just like, what the fuck?
I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, just stop.
Yeah.
Okay, just lay down.
Although I'll say the ultimate cure,
especially for the babes, like,
you know when you talk and talk and they're like,
you know what, it's all my problem?
You just gotta grab them and you have to just squeeze them.
Yeah.
You just literally need to squeeze babes and be like just shush
It works
You can talk all you want. They just need to be squeezing hug
Mayor like that point and you rub their bellies. You gotta squeeze them
You then and then you squeeze them and you go. Ooh, this feels good
Maybe I should touch you parlay that in, I've been much more forceful.
I was talking about it with Lemaire.
Sexually?
Yeah.
Not like force forceful, but like, I've been putting it on the table, man.
I've been letting it be known, like, look, I'm a man, god damn it.
I am a man.
I'm a man and I have needs, god damn it.
And I don't guilt.
I go, look, if you don't want to do this, that's fine.
I will not hold it against you, although I will.
Deep down inside.
Oh. Deep down inside. Oh.
Deep down inside, I'll piss.
Subconscious.
Yes, dude.
Of course.
But I will be like, no, for real, I'm not mad.
And then I'll like just.
That's just you.
Her arm will touch me and I'll go.
Yeah.
Are you mad?
No, I'm not.
I'm not mad.
Why would I be mad?
Get off me.
You're my only outlet for sexual pleasure
and you're not giving it to me.
I'm not mad. Yeah, man
That's fine with me, especially often augs especially since my governor saving me the governor has I forget every single time
I forget and you go I go I go
License registration. I haven't done this in a few days and they go I'm gonna need to see your license
Do you know I pulled you over? I can't believe it.
Because I'm a big disgusting pervert maybe?
Texas took a nog from us.
I refuse to go to another website.
Really? Are you hitting them with a photo ID?
No, I haven't.
I've been off the nog.
When I'm home I'm off the nog.
Damn, you wait to get traveled.
It's a tough stretch.
We're going to test the nog this week. This is a tough stretch. I're gonna test the nog. This is a tough stretch.
I'm home for a few weeks.
We're gonna see what happens.
You might fall to Reddit porn.
I have never done the Reddit porn.
It turns out OnlyFans is legal here.
I might have to become a little fat pay pig.
Get some girlfriends.
Although I've seen OnlyFans and they're never great.
I don't think people are having sex or anything.
It's just like a girls boobs.
You go, God damn it, I wanted to see you. Really? Yeah, I'm sure there's ladies out there going yeah yeah yeah hog wild, but I haven't found them. Yeah dude. You're probably thinking of just like
Rachel Dolezal's OnlyFans. Yeah I get tricked. That's probably straight up boobs. I've been
tricked on uh Instagram. I'll be honest, I've got myself, so I went off no porn all of Lent.
I'm still on no porn, but I have, I'm back to the point where I can fire up like chicks in bathing suits
Yeah, I can do a bikini fat which is dude you feel like nice just fapping feels good
They've happened to us jacking off on your own. Although if you dark room quiet
Did you ever get into a weird thing where you're just like I'm jerking off a guy
That fucks me up now. Give it that way
I'm jerking off a guy.
That fucks me up. Now get into that. That's Freud, dude.
That's Freud, dude. You're just jacking off.
Just relax. Just relax.
But you're jerking off a guy,
and you are liking getting jerked off by a guy.
Analyzing instinct and thought bothers me so much.
It's not an instinct. Jerking off is a technology.
Jerking off is pure instinct.
It's technology. It's pure instinct.
It's tech. It's big tech.
The phone is part of the tech.
Just jack it off.
Dudes have been whacking off.
That was step one.
True, but the wheel is tech.
Fire is technically tech.
It's a natural...
I think it's like in the Bible.
Like don't fucking jack off, dude.
That was day one shit.
Was it really?
I don't know.
Is jacking off in the Bible?
I don't think it's in the Bible. I just think like your dad couldn't catch you or else you had to like leave the country
I think if your dad caught you fat
Take like four camels and just walk across the desert
What the hell am I worried about they're gonna hit you with some fucking purity becoming sanctified avoiding lust
Yeah, but they were avoiding lust back then because you would like knock a lady's tent down and like eat her ass
You know, you know, say the dudes are getting mega horny in the desert. So they were like, yo chill bro
Romans Romans 8 5 6 says the mind governed by the flesh is death
But the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace
That's what I'm talking about says the mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace.
That's what I'm talking about.
The habit of self pleasure is a great example
of the flesh governing the mind.
Damn.
The flesh keeps governing the mind, dude.
It does.
Thankfully the actual government governs my flesh
and you cannot watch Pornhub.
True.
And I go, god damn it.
If I could even get one of those gifts
that they advertise with, I would fucking do it.
Thumbnails would be fine. Thumbnails I would fucking go nuts. Thumbnails would be fine.
Thumbnails, all the boy needs.
Thumbnails are-
Governor Abbott, release the thumbnails.
Did you notice how cool guys were about that, by the way?
They came after our reproductive rights and we were like, all right, whatever the state
decides.
We weren't fucking-
We became communists immediately.
The state decides.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said, if men could get pregnant abortion would be a sacrament and I was like or maybe we would just handle it and shut
the fuck up
I know I know we're getting rowdy. No, it's not just you I've been fired up, but that lady
That's segment Freud bullshit fired me up
Now I'm based bro. Fuck thought true. That's ultimate base. That is dude, and you might be onto something with that
Yeah, it's very Eastern by the way fuck thoughts. They don't put that on me either
I hate the that's very Eastern slash to the web of Eastern Madison go fuck yourself, dude. I'm done with these
Eastern medicine can go fuck itself dude, I'm done with Eastern medicine
Now it's gonna pervade our culture. It's coming. It is here. Oh, it's Lamar's in the house, dude Eastern bullshit to you Look at this shit. He's drinking
That's just Chinese grape soda
That's the fucking black nerd elixir that's crazy Chinese grapes
That's every black nerds dream that is high octane black nerd fuel
God damn it
Where did you get?
Oh, there's that fucking store right up the street.
Yeah, I got it from a Sashi.
Yeah. Was that a sushi place?
No, it's like a Japanese market is pretty cool.
God damn, dude.
That's pretty tight. You have access to a Japanese market.
Yeah, it's just you and 12 other black nerds.
The fucking owner doesn't know who to follow. you have access to a Japanese market. Yeah. It's just you and 12 other black nerds. Yeah. Yeah.
The fucking owner doesn't know who to follow.
There's so many of you in there.
Just walking like this.
Bumping into each other.
Oh, pardon me.
Pardon me.
After you, pardon me.
That's pure Metal Gear Solid, dude.
Yeah.
They're in boxes. Solid, dude. You ever seen it? Yeah. It was in boxes.
Damn, dude. Snake!
What, uh, what the hell was I thinking about?
Oh, I gotta tell you this.
I gotta tell you this.
This is what I was gonna tell you,
and I think you'll enjoy it.
It's funny.
So I went to, I'm the most sore
I've ever been in my entire life.
I couldn't-
From working out?
I couldn't sleep on, I couldn't lay on my side.
My back is- Are you a side sleeper my back, my back is butt fucked, dude. All right.
Paul's this guy. So I get in there. I was like, all right,
I haven't worked out in a while. I'm going to go to Rogan's, get a nice,
easy one, hit the sauna. This will be a nice day. I get in.
Of course, one of the Navy SEALs trainer,
one of the Navy SEAL security guys in there, he's like,
you ready to hit the gauntlet with me, brother? And I was like, dude, I'm not hitting the fucking Navy SEAL ga guys in there, he's like, you ready to hit the gauntlet with me, brother?
And I was like, dude, I'm not hitting the fucking
Navy SEAL gauntlet.
And then he shamed me into it.
He was like, come on, dude, come on.
Yeah, how could you say no?
It was nine different lifts and workouts,
three minutes on, one minute off.
You have to go three minutes to exhaustion
on every single lift.
Dude, it sucked.
One of them was just hanging on the bar for three minutes.
A dead hang? It ruined me. Yeah dude.
Just hanging there. This muscle is, it's ruined.
Hang for a minute. And then he was like, all right, pop your shirt off.
He was like, we take our shirts off. It's going to get hot in here.
And I was like, I'm definitely not doing that.
I'm not going to work out in front of a mirror with my fucking shirt off right now. And he was like, you need to find the problem areas. I was like, I'm definitely not doing that I'm not gonna work on work out in front of a mirror with my fucking shirt off right now
And he was like you need to find the problem areas. I was like brother the whole thing
We don't need the shirt off to diagnose the problem area today
What are you talking about I can feel the moving when I stop
The problem areas are shaking on every workout we're
doing right now. I'm doing a curl and my hips are shaking.
We don't need a shirt off for this. I thought you'd enjoy
that. It's so fucking funny. Honestly, driving over, I was
like, this would be nice. It's just gonna be me in there. It'll
be nice and quiet. Navy seal, bro. Jack Navy seal with his
shirt off. You ready to hit the fucking gauntlet? How could you
have said no, though?
I would have.
I hit the no instantly.
I was like, dude, I'm not.
I would have signed up at a recruiter afterwards.
I was like, all right, this workout,
three minutes straight of pull-ups.
I was like, dude, I can't do a pull-up.
What are you talking about?
Damn.
I'll hang on the bar for three minutes to exhaustion.
It was impossible.
Jesus.
I hung for like 30 seconds and then five seconds at a time after that. Dude, that shit's hard. It was impossible. Jesus. I hung for like 30 seconds and then
5 seconds at a time after that.
Dude, that shit's hard.
It was impossible. The whole thing.
Just a jacks Navy Seal yelling at you.
Loved. I would have loved that.
I would have came in and been like,
Oh yeah sir.
It felt pretty good after a while.
I bet, yeah.
Get out there brother.
Just lay down and get me out.
And just hit me and like, you're doing pretty good.
I was like, thank you. That's fucking awesome
Thank you, daddy. That's all I needed pop that top off. I was like no daddy
It'll ruin the workout sir
I'll be done. I'll be frozen in front of the mirror. I'll go what about the I just joined 24-hour fitness
I might talk out here by pop that top much our ceiling Valor Yeah, you ready to hit the fucking pure Andy Elliott. Was he really pop the top off? We need to see the problem areas
I was like dude. No. Yeah
Yeah, that's a bit much. He was being friendly. It was funny. You should have fucking just held nipples
Instantly took my dick out me, that's the problem area.
How do we get this bigger brother?
My ass is all shitty.
My ass is flat and shitty.
Damn dude.
Yeah, I went to, I did burpees in the garage yesterday.
That's that's real tough, dude.
Pretty sick.
That's awesome.
100 burpees.
You got a good garage for it too.
I know it was awesome.
But I, who was kicking around?
We had a home inspector kicking around.
So I get every time being there doing Burbys
and I hear him coming and be like,
don't do it.
Out of breath in the garage.
What are you doing?
I was like, well, just working out.
Just had an argument with my wife.
I'm shadow boxing.
Shadow boxing in the garage as hard as I can.
I was in there working out of my phone on my trashcan just playing like YouTube lectures.
Came up with a new guy.
I have a new YouTube crush.
He's awesome.
Dude, I think people know about him.
Michael Sugru.
He's an old school feller.
Look at that guy.
He's an old school professor.
He's, dude, he's really nice.
You love these chalk hands.
I love, I like chalk hands.
I hate the chalk hands.
My thing is if they just have one,
I'll sit through it, if they have one good idea
that I can use, oh my God.
I've totally constructed a worldview.
I had no worldview for the longest time
and I've put together personal philosophy
and something of a worldview.
That's nice.
It's kinda nice, yeah.
You know, I'm just on, he's talking about Heidegger,
big B being. I'm like, fuck yeah, dude, I love that shit. Let's do it figure it out, I'm like, yeah, fuck this. Yeah, there's nothing wrong nice, yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm just on, he's talking about Heidegger, big B being.
I'm like, fuck yeah, dude, I love that shit.
Let's do it, figure it out in bed.
I'm like, yeah, fuck this.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with enjoying that.
Fuck this small B being.
Yeah.
I get it, some people don't like it,
and I totally understand.
No, I have, yeah, it's like gay stuff.
It's like, dude, whatever you're doing in your own home,
just don't shove it down my fucking throat, all right?
Don't put it in my face.
Don't put it in my fucking face.
Don't fuck my kid with it.
That'd be cool if that got injected into movies.
Every movie had to have like a cool...
Yeah, just a philosophy in it like that.
Yeah, just a guy hitting you with like...
Not this Heideggerian bullshit again.
I do...
Well, it's funny for me because I'll be like, all right, I hear a lot of fuss about this
guy. Like, let me see what they're about,
and a lot of it is just like,
dude you wrote 4,000 pages on this?
Yeah.
On like the nature of being itself,
and he's like well if you be, you are being,
but you can't know what being is like.
Dude this is, even I'll get kinda like,
what the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, why'd you write that down?
What are you talking about?
You didn't need to write that down.
But Heidegger was a Jesuit,
he was in the Jesuit seminary.
Ooh, like that.
Yeah, he was a Jesuit seminary.
Jesuits are up to good stuff.
They're pretty sick.
Yeah.
So apparently he wrote a highly abstracted
version of Jesuit theology.
That's what my new mentor, my new, he's dead.
That's what we need to get into.
The new mentor, Thomas Suger.
We need to get into fucking good Catholic philosophy.
That's where all my stuff's leading to.
Fucking right. It's very tight.
That is where it all ends. I'm telling you.
And there you go. I'm going to read about Freud
sucking my daddy's dick, killing my dad,
sucking my mom's tits. I'm gay. Everyone's gay.
Then all of a sudden, the path just leads straight back
to our Lord and Savior. Yeah, dude, it might be.
Perfect disciples.
I think it might be the supreme philosophy.
I've been taking on a lot of different worldviews,
checking them out.
The eastern stuff is for sure cool,
but I was into it for a while,
but I was like, no man, Christianity still reigns supreme.
You read it and you're like,
because the eastern stuff to a point is total detachment.
And you'll totally clear your mind.
Christianity is the opposite.
Yeah, those guys can,
I'd like to punch one of those guys in the. Go find him in his cave.
I'm going to go to a cave and sit here for 80 years.
It's like God gave you life and you spent it in a cave,
even though that's kind of what I do.
I dwell in a cave. You're in full on.
My guys need to take that bridge.
The World War Two game.
Company of Heroes three.
Yeah, but I'm but the Christianity is like you have to fully get into the mud you're an absolutely fallen
You're my dog. You're a totally fallen creature and guess what dude guess what Jesus never got mad at someone cuz they're sinner
You got mad at people because they thought they weren't sinners
All they do it
For all the best yeah,'s for real the best.
Yeah, they're like you think you're you think you're king you're hanging out with all these fucking whores and
Tax collectors and he was like bro
Well, he was pissed at the Pharisees. He was like he was chillin with all the fucking there
When's I thought fucking Mel's movie was supposed to come out on Easter. That's what I thought
It's coming out like October. God damn it. Although he might be trying to fight like the witchcraft and Satanism.
Yes. Thank God.
Thank God, Mel.
Oh, big black news.
Beep beep beep beep beep. What you got?
We got breaking black news.
We got. Did you see J. Cole apologize?
Yeah, I saw that. What the fuck, dude?
I think it's it was actually kind of nice.
I think it fits his thing.
He's trying to break the mold of, you know,
exactly that's like the classic pantomime thing
that permeates through the black society
where it's like, he dissed me,
now I have to absolutely destroy.
And they, like, that gets carried out full stop.
We're like, you guys are shooting each other over that shit.
And he was like, you know what, dude, this is lame.
Why am I doing this?
When I get 50 Cent, apparently, is not into it.
50 Cent's like, bro. 50 Cent's the Clark Lord But I get 50 cent apparently is not into it 50 cents like bro
50 cents the Clark
New president of black people. Yeah, he is he for real has completely rose into the total president Jay-z out 50 cent
Is in there dude Jay-z's Biden 50 cents Trump 100%
Yes, and black people being ruled by black Trump right now, which is 50 cent
Which you may see the Senate market?
He doesn't 50 cent of fucking rules 50 cent. Which, I mean, he's 50 cent, I'm not gonna have to. He doesn't have 50 cent.
50 cent fucking rules.
50 cent does rule, and he's ruled for a very long time.
He has been the man.
He never stopped being the man.
No, and now it's like he's coming into,
everyone's recognizing the holy shit,
this guy is seriously important.
Holy shit, he was funny and right the entire time.
Yeah.
He's been an asshole the entire time.
He's hilarious.
He called Diddy a fruit pop like years ago.
the entire time. He's hilarious. He called Diddy a fruit pop like years ago.
Diddy did offer to take him shopping. Yeah, you can't do that. He's like, y'all, I'll buy you clothes. And he said, what?
What? I take him shopping.
We were laughing about it. I was like, I'm definitely Diddy, dude. I'm taking you to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy some gym shorts.
No, was that you and me?
Yeah, that was you and me.
You gotta collect what's yours now.
That's because I was gonna go buy some shoes.
And I was like, you can get some shoes too.
And then I didn't buy any and he bought shoes.
Yeah, but here's, this is what different, that's, this is.
And he felt, he felt away about it.
That's the squad.
He was like, you keep these.
I was like, I'm not wearing those.
Those are yours.
Dropping a bag on the squad's different.
If you were to find someone.
Find another man.
That wasn't in the squad.
Another comedian.
Yes.
That was just like, find another rapper.
Just being like, yo.
Exactly.
Matt Rife.
I'm going to take you shopping, boy.
Ha ha ha.
Yo, I'm going to get some clothes, bro.
Let's pick out clothes.
Checking out a dude's gear and being like,
we need to revamp your wardrobe is,
50 Cent was 1000% spot on being like, what?
Yeah, that's nuts.
Dude, what are you talking about?
I'm not gonna let you buy stuff for me.
Freud would have been all over that.
True.
He'd be like, that's gay.
Yeah, he would have for sure.
That's your gay subconscious.
It would have been.
Yeah.
Big power game.
Although that is so powerful. Buying another man clothes? Yeah. Yeah. And power game. Although that is so powerful.
Buy another man clothes.
Yeah. Yeah. And being like, well, I'm gonna get your outfit figured out.
And that was then you get into the dress room.
Let me just get in there and check out this pencil.
Gordy.
Then you can go in there. You go, try these on.
It's like your mom just grabbing your ass.
Zip. Yeah, man.
Zip because of your giant penis. It's duty. Yeah, man. Zip, because of your giant penis.
It's, dude, it's, yeah.
My dad's calling me.
I wanna kill him.
Shit, I might've answered.
Said I wanna kill you.
My dad's calling me, I wanna kill him.
Phil saw my stand up act and didn't approve of it.
What?
Well, actually, my mom saw my stand up act
and then reported back to my father.
Really?
My father called me, he was like,
you can't say that. Your mother and I are sad. Oh, he saw. So now he's trying then reported back to my father. Really? My father called me and was like, you can't say that.
Your mother and I are sad.
Oh, he saw.
So now he's trying to get back on my good side.
You did.
Cause I was like, shut the fuck up, dad.
Yeah, dude.
This is a-
Dad, this is my art.
It's not ready yet.
It wasn't done and I said inappropriate things
and I apologize.
Did they see all of it?
Is there one joke in particular they saw
that they got upset about?
They caught a glimpse of that. Yeah, I can see that. You saw that they got upset about? They caught a glimpse of that.
Yeah, I can see that.
You see that?
Yeah, they caught a glimpse of that one and they were none too pleased.
I had one recently that I'm retiring forever.
I thought it was the funniest thing in the world and then I did it and I felt so evil after it was...
The whole joke was that women get to like, yeah, we have sex toys, we have dildos. It's like guys have sex toys too.
And like, when people are like, what are they?
It's like, they're called women.
That's our sex toys.
That's pretty funny.
The crowd was like, Jesus, man.
Yeah, that is evil.
My mother-in-law was there and I was like, oh no.
Oh no.
That one ripped in front of her whole family.
I thought it was funny.
I was like, this is really funny. It is funny. And I was. Yeah, but it's hot when you say in a room full of people. It's like, oh, yeah
It does make you look like a complete psycho. Yes. I thought it was a funny play on words. Yeah, they're just inanimate objects. I fuck
It was a funny play on words that once I said it out loud I'm like, yeah, I can see that being very hurtful for women
Yeah That is a funny thing to think about,
what women have to deal with,
that like just being completely used as a sexual object
where people like your entire just like being and personality,
someone could be like, skip all of that,
and it's like, and then you come back and start talking,
like, I have to go right now.
When we do that though, we also have to, because we're all pretending women like sex like that. Yeah
So then they can they should they should enjoy that if they liked sex like that as much as they say they do
Yeah, they should enjoy that they skipping all the bullshit and fucking they should love that
True as much as we would yeah true, but they don the bullshit and fucking. They should love that. True. As much as we would.
Yeah, true.
But they don't.
Yeah, true, they don't.
Hmm.
Makes me wonder.
Well they get once.
Maybe they don't like sex as much.
Once on their natural cycle, you start to see,
they are horny for like three days out of the month.
They're, that's pretty much,
unless they see a guy that they'd really like
to make their boyfriend,
and then they'll get horny for that.
Now don't get me wrong, there's definitely women out there that enjoy just the
True pump and dump but true
But I also they need a lot of context around it. I think too. They need like you they need like they're big situation heads
They're big like, you know, you'd have to be like an environment where it's like we shouldn't be doing this
We're really breaking down the broads today. Yeah, we shouldn't be doing this. Sheesh is nice. Oh That we're breaking down the broads we can break down We're really breaking down the broads today. We shouldn't be doing this. Shoo shoo is nice.
Oh, we're breaking down the broads.
We can break down the fellers.
We'll break down the broads.
We'll break down the blacks next.
Are we still in the black news segment?
No, black news segment.
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.
J. Cole diss was great.
J. Cole diss.
I was like good, good for you.
Please let Champagne Poppy get involved, dude.
Rap is just WWF.
Big time. We had a perfect story going, dude. Rap is just WWF. Big time.
We had a perfect story going, and then J. Cole said, nah.
There is an opportunity, though,
for Kendrick to go full sicko mode.
He could.
And diss him again, dude.
Just be like, that's what I thought, bitch.
Yeah, he could.
But it is a...
He has to.
He's going to.
He's gonna be like, when I talk shit,
everyone runs away.
He's gonna say that.
But then J. Cole might go, fuck it. I thought I did the hardest thing. Man, I'm trying to take the high road, baby. Yeah, you think he's gonna be like when I talk shit everyone runs away. He's gonna say that but then Jay Cole might go fuck it
I thought I did the high road baby. Yeah, you think he's gonna be like now's down now
I'm gonna rhyme about you down to the bro road, dude
Yeah, I could write his verse if he wants to do just let me know we should come over
I listen to think I was like that's nice. There was a part of me too that I was like
What the fuck you guys doing? Yeah, just so stupid man. So silly. Let's all just have fun
Yeah, exactly. Let's have fun. fun and also like you know fun make good
Why did why did Ken what was his whole thing like probably was just having a bad rapper's gonna be careful with their bad days
Yeah, you have one bad day to be like I'm top three
He's not top four or five and then everyone's like did you hear what he said? Yeah, you know right we need to write a
I had some lyrics. We just need Drizzy Drake, dude.
True.
Please, Six God, please Six God, respond.
He'll be back, although he got kind of,
he did get destroyed by fucking Kanye.
Although that is Kanye circumstances kind of engulfed him.
Kanye is wild, man.
That's how nasty he is of an MC.
He destroyed Drake and then destroyed himself.
And then he's like, fuck it. I'm going down too.
I love Hitler.
He didn't really destroy Drizzy though.
Other than that track.
Exactly.
Did you ever hear that?
Him and the pusher T came up and it was like that was...
Push T. Push T went wild on.
That was as good as they can get. But yeah, I guess Kanye didn't do as much as Push T,
but he did produce the track. And it was just...
It was good.
No, Kanye made that poop diddy scoop.
Poop diddy scoop is fire.
That's hilarious.
That's just mean.
That's just a mean thing to do.
Poop diddy scoop?
I think so too.
What is that, when he was going,
toop, toop, toop, toop.
He was like, Drake, I made this,
I produced this beat for you.
Oh.
And then he gave it to Drake.
And I think Drake made a song with it or was about to.
And then Kanye released. He just wasted it going, Poop did he scoop?
Poop, poop, poop did he scoop?
Just a drink. It just wasted Drake's time.
Just on purpose.
It's just a crazy move.
That's insane.
Why are we fighting?
So nuts.
Yeah. I think that's the story. And it's very funny. That's insane. It's like, wait, why are we fighting? That's so nuts, dude.
I think that's the story and it's very funny.
He's off the God train too now.
Kanye's totally off the God train.
He's like, well, I thought you were a Christian.
He's like, he abandoned me.
I need to help myself now.
I saw that clip.
Someone rap about getting pussy.
I saw that clip.
It wasn't the one where he's like, we need to do more than pray.
Every time I pray, where's God?
He doesn't help me out
Yeah, that might have kind of a might have been a small kind of Christian theology also
They have to help you just pray dude true. Yeah, I think his thing was he's like I'm not cursing anymore
I'm not gonna rap about getting pussy and then he was like well, what the fuck? I'm back
They might talk about just said I love Hitler
I do like I do like his wife the fact that like she's a constant news story
so I can't figure out is that like a
PR firm thing or is there they just like I don't think I don't think Kanye is dealing in PR for I don't think so either
I was like that's the wildest PR firm of all time dude
She's in my fucking newsfeed every time I pick it up
It's like she's wearing a spandex suit with her nipples. She's wearing saran wrap with
Farts are trapped wherever she goes Every time every week. It's like Gaza And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like than Ukraine, Russia. She is. She's for real. In terms of like our collective attention, she like her future slut outfits are future slut outfits are pretty cool to see. That
is pretty awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Those jumpers, especially they're always in a place that
a future slut outfit should not be. It's like in the airport or like the shopping mall or
just on the street in Venice. There'll be in Athens. They go to ruins of ancient societies. And she just like...
She's like, here's a future slut, dude.
Just farts on it.
Yeah.
Kanye West's wife farted today.
She farted on the Parthenon today.
We saw her pussy shake all over the appearance.
Black News, Kanye West's future slut
farted on the Parthenon.
Yeah.
Shout out to our favorite sponsor.
That's a little presumptuous. True Classic for making us
fellas look good and feel good no matter how we move. Spring is here, which means it's time to
clean out your closet. Out with your old worn out workout tees and in with True Classic's ultra
comfortable stretchy activewear. True Classic is made with stank free moisture wicking technology
so you can do it all in comfort
and style.
From running on the treadmill to running out for beer.
True Classic has gear for you.
They've already helped over three million men look great, and now you can save big while
you move.
For a limited time only, get 25% off when you shop now
with my exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash drenched.
Personal endorsement.
True Classic tees are fucking nice.
I do like them.
I feel jacked as hell in them.
You feel good, it hugs your fucking shoulders.
There you go.
People go, damn, have you been working out?
Yeah, definitely.
You know your line.
Don't touch my fucking midsection.
Please don't touch my midsection.
Get ready to elevate your denim game with true classic.
The new authentic denim collection
seamlessly blends craftsmanship with comfort
and sharing each pair is tailored to perfection
for your lifestyle.
What type of lifestyle do you have?
Gay.
Yeah.
I know.
Gay male lifestyle. Anytime somebody, anytime somebody says lifestyle,
I'm like, that's what you mean.
True Classic does not endorse our comments.
True.
Well, they do.
They think it's funny.
They're laughing.
If they really are our favorite sponsors,
they're gonna laugh at that.
That's true.
I mean, I might lead a gay lifestyle.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Nothing wrong with that.
To be mad about that would mean you're homophobic.
Exactly.
So I hope you're not homophobic, True Classic.
With various inseam options available, finding your ideal fit has never been easier.
From the job site to Casual Fridays,
Authentic Denim is designed to accompany you wherever you go.
True Classic shirts are designed to accentuate your best features no matter what your body type is.
Tighter in the arms and chest, but with the perfect amount of room for your midsection. You can't
go wrong in a True Classic tee. The best part? True Classic sells their premium products
in packs to help you save. Get started with a two or three pack of t-shirts today and
feel the difference for yourself.
So if you're ready to upgrade your closet, shop now with my exclusive link at trueclassic.com
slash drenched and save up to 25% off with your first order.
Please support our show and tell them we sent you.
No matter how you move, make 2024 your most comfortable year yet with True Classic.
Get ready for the season ahead with quality shades built to last.
Our friends at Shady Rays have you covered with premium polarized shades that won't break the bank. Shady Rays is an independent
sunglasses company offering a world-class product rated five stars by over 300,000 people.
Say Shady Rays.
Shady Rays! I do need some sunglasses.
Hell yeah. Their shades have durable frames and crystal clear optics, making them a perfect choice for all outdoor adventures.
They have many styles and colors to pick from,
so finding your next pair of shades is a breeze.
Personally endorse these.
You look fine.
Yeah, I look average, you know what I mean?
I gotta get a bigger pair, I got a big fucking head.
Let me see them.
They look good, what the hell are you talking about?
Shut up, Matt.
They look good.
You're making fun of me. Oh, I'm not. Don't say it with that smirk. They look good. What the hell are you talking about? Shut up, Matt. They look good. You're making fun of me.
No, I'm not.
Don't say it with that smirk.
They look good.
You go like this.
They look fine.
They look good.
I'm just happy to see them.
You're happy to see them?
It is nice to see your friends looking good.
Yeah, man.
When I see my friends looking good, I go, wow.
What are those, Shady Ray's?
I can't fight the smile.
If they didn't look good, I'd be frowning.
They look good.
They look good.
If your shades go MIA or take a hit, don't sweat it.
They've got lost and broken protection, so you're covered from day one.
Wear your Shady Rays with confidence because they have your back long after you purchase.
If you don't love your shades, exchange or return them for free within 30 days.
There's no risk when you shop.
Exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is giving out their best deal of the season.
Head to ShadyRays.com and use code DRENCH for $20 off polarized sunglasses.
Try for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by over 300,000 people.
Get you some sunnies.
I need that big pair that goes over the glasses for driving.
Sure, that'd be nice.
I'm doing squinting in Austin.
You need sunnies.
We do call them sunnies.
That's so dumb.
Could you imagine returning a pair of sunglasses and being like, these do not meet my expectations.
I'll take my refund and mail these things.
Yes.
And you can do that with Shady Rays.
That's crazy.
That's crazy, but you can do it.
I did not have a great sunglass experience, therefore I'll send them back and return my
funds to me immediately.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Shady Rayz.
Freezepipe ever experienced the agony of harsh smoke, throat burning or coughing attacks
when smoking cannabis?
No.
The struggle is real, but the solution is chilly.
That's right. I'm talking about the smoothest way to light up and that's with the freezepipe.
Freezepipe makes a unique line of freezeable pipes,
bubblers, and bongs that are 80% colder
than using ice cubes to chill smoke.
The magic is freezeable glycerin chambers
that come on every piece.
Simply pop the chamber in the freezer for one hour,
and as the smoke passes through,
it's instantly chilled by over 300 degrees.
So every puff arrives ice cold and cough free.
It absolutely does work. I've done these. It is surprisingly fantastic.
American owned and with over 100,000 happy customers, FreezePipe uses the thickest glass
and market leading glycerin chambers through a smoother experience you have to feel to believe.
Ditch harsh smoke forever by visiting the freeze pipe dot com
and use code drenched for 10 percent off your order.
That's the freeze pipe dot com and code drenched for 10 percent off.
Shop today for free shipping and smoke like royalty
without paying a king's ransom.
Mm hmm. That's a good writer.
Whoever wrote that smoke like royalty without paying a king's ransom.
If you're royalty, you wouldn't ever have to pay the King's ransom.
Price picks time.
Price picks is America's number one
fantasy sports app with more than three million members.
It is the easiest and most exciting way to get in on the action
while you watch your favorite sports and players.
You just pick more or less on two or more player stats and watch the winnings roll in
You can now win up to 100 times your money on prize picks damn with it with as little as four correct picks nice
You can turn ten dollars into one thousand dollars with basketball hockey and college basketball entries today on prize day
And they have college basketball entries. I know it's we've we're done with the tournament, but that's nice. That is nice. Yeah.
America's number one fantasy sports at prize picks is something for every sports fan,
from basketball and hockey to League of Legends and everything in between.
You can pick LeBron, Kaitlin Clark, Connor McDavid and Jude Bellingham.
All in the same entry. Jude Bellingham.
Holy crap. Price picks now offers Apple pay for quick and easy deposits
in your account this basketball season.
I mean, it's all I do now.
Yeah, I love so far.
I do fantasy sports exclusively.
Download the app today and use code drenched for a first deposit match up to one hundred dollars.
Again, download the price picks app and use code drenched for a first deposit match up to one hundred dollars.
Pick more, pick less, it's that easy.
Yeah, I love it.
Then they're like, he doesn't let her eat
and he doesn't, it's like, yeah dude, it's.
I think she's eating, bro.
True.
She is definitely.
She's a voluptuous woman.
She's a very voluptuous woman.
But I think he's trying to keep her snatched.
You know what snatched means?
No.
It's when like your midsection's super tight.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Snatched. Just a natural. Brittany said that to me the other day. She's like, you get your body, it's snatched means? It's when your midsection's super tight. Snatched.
Just a natural.
Brittany said that to me the other day.
She's like, you get your body, it's snatched.
I'm like, where the fuck are you getting these things?
You just need a permanent corset.
Yeah, true.
Or you just need a diligent husband
who's gonna monitor your calories.
Who's gonna monitor your calories.
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
That's a good husband.
You go, oop, put that down.
I need you in peak physical condition.
I need you to show off my ski suits.
Damn, that'd be tough to tell a lady
to put down a fucking suite.
Well.
You've ever done it?
I've never, obviously I've never been in a position
to monitor someone else's calories.
Someone breaks out the sweets, I go, ooh,
give me one of those.
Girls love monitoring a dude's suite.
They like getting you fat, first of all.
They'll be like, yeah, they're enablers.
And then they start going.
And then they go, you're getting a little chubby.
You don't, are you hungry right now?
I'm like, I'm basically hungry.
I'm not like, my stomach's not hungry,
but it's been a long time.
I'm like, yeah, I can tell I'm a little bit weak right now.
Yeah.
I'm off the pig cycle.
I was on a hard pig cycle.
You're pigging out?
Oh my God, dude.
I was, dude, I'm like, I went to Disney. Pig cycle is crazy. I was on the pig pig so I'm picking out. Oh my god, dude. I was dude. I'm like I went to Dizzy
I go is crazy. I was on the pig cycle. I'm all see when I hit a pig
We're going to beat ups
My order wings when we get there drink a couple beers. Oh second meal. Yeah true. I was on a hard
I fucking just caught Lamise on a pig cycle the other night. What were you on? Sneaking back to his room with slices.
Sneaking back to his room with slices of pizza.
I was like, where you going, dude?
He's holding two pepperonis.
Taking it to the bedroom for the pig cycle.
There's nothing better than just holding, the moments before you're eating a pizza,
just carrying it is for real, it's the best.
I don't even sit down when there's pizza.
I go, first slice doesn't count.
I picked it up straight out of the box.
And I go, all right, now I'm gonna settle down.
Now I'll get a plate, put two on it.
I'm gonna stand for these two.
And I'll go, maybe no one saw me get that first one.
I can say, this is only, I've had three, that's a lot.
I've had three. That's a lot. I've had four
Take in a double slice onto the plate
I mean double slice on the plate after the first standing the first right out of the box standing while everyone's organizing like the soda
Such a nice move. I mean what is what is it? It's grub for everyone like that. Oh, it's
Feeding for the greed kicks in.
Dude, I saw a thing where they were like,
we don't understand why sharks engaging feeding frenzies,
and I was like, what are you talking about?
Of course you do.
Yeah.
They're pegging out, and they're just spazzing.
They're going nuts, yeah.
I've seen it happen with humans a bunch of times.
Yeah, buffalo dip, at Gilles Family Christmas.
Oh my God.
The boys were circling, big dogs, circling.
It is nice.
I tell you what, nature blows, you're a bitch.
I will say, it does.
She's your fucking gay husband,
get hit with that hammer.
Oh.
Slow down.
God damn, you're taking all the dip.
I've been to a family party before where there's not,
like a lot of times I'll go and it almost feels infinite
where you're just like, yeah,
and you're piling mac and cheese.
I've been there before, I'm like, oh, rations are like, rations are limited. Rations, that sucks. And you're just kind of like, it almost feels infinite where you're just like, yeah. And you're piling mac and cheese. I've been there before. I'm like, Oh,
rations are like the rations that sucks. And you're just kind of like,
and then I'll just literally like a different part of me will take over. And I'm like, yeah, why shouldn't it be mine?
They don't even, they're not even going to eat the whole thing.
Let me see. I sawamezi hit the greed.
We got barbecue.
The boy got a lot.
Oh yeah, I love barbecue.
You even greeted out.
I was down to one slice of brisket after.
I look over to his plate, 10.
There was two, there was two slices.
Two, my ass.
How many ribs?
How many chicken, how many ribs?
I had two, I didn't have any chicken.
I didn't get any chicken.
You broke my heart watching you do that
He ordered like the breast kitchen ribs, yeah had the ribs first dibs obviously go suede straight to the music
He dipped it out took you took him with you and Nate took a majority of it. That's me and guard dog with scraps
Portion it out dude. It was fair. Damn
Didn't take anything crazy. Kind of racist.
They teamed up on you guys.
They teamed up on us.
Yes, but it was over ribs.
That's what I'm saying.
It was their subconscious.
I couldn't argue.
It was the black man sub. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep I was ordering just a biscuit and the guy literally went, psh, probably never even had a biscuit before.
And I turned around like, why would you do that?
Of course I've had a biscuit.
I've had, this is like my seventh biscuit.
This is my seventh biscuit.
Yeah, you fucking, can't believe that.
I got, you know, people want to say, you know.
You ordered just a biscuit at a KFC?
Times are hard back there.
I was struggling back there.
Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.
Times, I was struggling, dude.
I thought this was a recent thing.
I was like, what are you doing?
No, no, no, no, no, this is back in the day.
All I had, all I had money for was my biscuit.
I would. Just a single biscuit.
When I was working at Ardmore Toyota,
I would take the change in my car
to buy a single dollar cheeseburger at the McDonald's.
For my lunch break, I would pay with 10 dimes.
You'd have to treasure hunt.
Yeah.
It was very, it was dark.
You were a 49er.
Dark times.
Yeah, you had to hit the hills and pan for silver.
Pan for, yeah.
Yeah, I'd get them.
I'd be like, yeah, yeah, oh, this is a quarter.
This is good.
Used all my quarters.
I was down to nickels towards the end.
Oh.
Got a flat tire, bankrupt.
That sucks.
Flat tire on the way to work, almost cried
because I was like, no.
Did they fix it there?
Yes, they did, But then, you know, I was working basically factory.
Oh, yeah.
I was like factory thing where they were like,
now you owe the company your time.
They wouldn't hook it up.
They didn't really hook it up.
Pigs.
That's crazy. I got a flat tire one time.
I went and I picked up a quarter pound of weed
at the post office and was so excited that it worked out.
Then I got a flat tire on 76
and I had to just drop some off to somebody.
So I was just going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Oh no.
So I was like, I'm not pulling over.
I was so, I was in my head, I was like,
if I pull over, they're gonna know it's a,
you know, when you have something like that,
you're like, if someone sees this box.
And that smells.
It was vacuum sealed, thank God.
It didn't smell.
No, it was vacuum.
But I think I had like an ounce of weed on me to give to somebody
So I just like pulled up to like the Eagle Stadium on a flat and just like gave someone else a week and just jam
You're doing deals deals in the parking lot of the lake. That's fucking awesome
Pulled up like buh buh buh buh buh buh buh here you go brothers my buh buh buh buh buh all the way home
It's really strong. It was dude. That's the ultimate feeling green. That's bleeding green. It's bleeding green. That's Philly strong, dude. It was, dude. That's the ultimate Philly strong. That's bleeding green. That's bleeding green.
That's bleeding green.
That's birds colors.
Go birds, dude.
That's bleeding green right there.
Yeah, true.
Am I matching?
Coffee's not for birds fans, dude.
Matcha.
True, it has to be matching.
Now I'd say coffee's more for birds fans, actually.
Yeah, Wawa, yeah.
If I show this to my dad.
48 coffees at Wawa, hot dogs.
It's time to hit the job site with the most vicious diarrhea imaginable.
Hangover from light beer.
There you go, alright, now it's time to get seven coffees, three hot dogs.
I am in awe of dudes who hold down just pure Wawa diet on like 48 to 60 ounces of coffee
a day.
I think if you stick to one thing,
I mean, don't get me wrong, it's gonna destroy you, but. True. Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
I think your body probably gets used to
digesting insane shit.
Like it probably just fast tracks it through.
Like you get no nutrients out of it,
just flies right out of you.
If you're like a Sizzly with coffee
and Italian Hoagie with a coffee or a soda,
and a coffee in the way, yeah, your body is just flying.
Mortar's up!
You must shit.
You must shit as soon as you eat it.
Your stomach's a mortar.
Mortar just, phoom, phoom.
Your stomach's like a steel foundry.
The cells are like, shh.
And you drink a glass of water, it's like Mad Max. You drink water, and the whole body's like, shh, shh. And you drink a glass of water and say, man, it's Mad Max.
You drink water and the whole body's like, shh.
Told you, I have an uncle I've never seen him drink water.
Bees.
Ever. Bees are the only one.
I guess he won't drink water.
I've never seen the bees.
Gatorade, soda, milk.
Yeah.
Gatorade's when he's like, alright, it's time to fucking take care of myself.
I'm gonna slam the Gatorade.
Which is such a tight way to hold it down.
He claims, he goes, dude, I don't feel sick,
because he's like, I just don't think I ever think about it.
I was like, damn, that's fucking sick.
That's one of the business heads, I heard that guy.
He's like, no, I don't get sick anymore.
Being sick is a mind frame.
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, well, my sister has cancer.
Yeah, true.
It's all in her head.
Yeah, well, they're just talking about colds.
Yeah, it is, that's the problem.
They're just talking about colds when they say that. Yeah. Yeah, true's all in her head. Yeah. Well, they're just talking about. Yeah, it is. That's the problem. They're just talking about colds when they say that. Yeah. Yeah.
It's all in her head. That's exactly that.
It's exactly what the doctor said.
Turns out it's all in her head.
They're going to cut it out of there.
They're going to chop her fucking head open.
Those business guys are talking about colds.
They're like, I don't get sick.
It's like you're talking about a fucking common cold and like going to work and blowing your nose in the bathroom
Being like yeah, if you if you had a stomach virus and you were puking and had a fever like shaking. Yeah
Bullshit I can still make some day trades
I
Get it. I get there's I get that that all applies if I have a cold and I totally like
Freak out about it and like yeah, maybe it makes it a little bit worse, but yeah, I don't people are like it's all in your head
It's like you're just not sick right cold you can plow through you can plow through a cold
Yeah, but when you're like it's all in your head. It's like you're just not sick
Yeah, if you were actually sick, you'd be yeah, you know it you know it when you're actually sick
Yeah, dude, if you had like, if you're like,
diarrhea-ing blood, you'd be like,
I just gotta be more positive about this.
I need to do fucking
100 push-ups right now.
I just diarrhea blood.
Yeah, Watson's, West, Big Homie
West is the king of that. Him and his
boy just being like, I was telling you about this
when they did that whole video where they're just like,
yeah dude, like, I don't even sleep and like if I'm tired
It's just I just go to the gym even harder and he's like I'm so shredded that if I lay on my bed it hurts
He's like my fat body
The whole conversation was like yeah, we're're rich. Yeah, we're loaded.
But we hate our lives.
That's why we're rich.
And then he's like, you have to hate your life forever.
That's how you keep your edge.
It's like, my guess, man.
Man.
My guess.
That way you can be stay the boss and just hate your life
and just be like, this is what it is.
I'm so shredded.
It hurts when I sleep.
I don't sleep.
He said he doesn't eat carbs during the day too.
Which is a sick move.
He doesn't eat any carbs, just protein.
So that way at nighttime he eats carbs.
Insulin spikes and he just passes out.
Because if you're that shredded,
you just need to go into an insulin coma and pass out.
Kind of sick.
I want to see, that's going to reach a fever pitch.
It has to.
Some guys.
Getting shredded, business guys had shredded businesses.
Yeah. Well, the bedtime he Watson's pushed up the business head bedtime to like or the wake up time.
He's like two thirty a.m.
Yeah. Eventually they're going to become nocturnal.
They're going to become vampires.
The business says it's like, yeah, because you can't get up any earlier than do a power clean to two thirty in the morning.
He I mean, Walberg, Jaco or Dick swinging at four o'clock.
Yeah.
Big homey West is I think 2 30 AM, which is arguably partially nocturnal.
2 30 AM is chaos.
There's gonna be dark for so long while you're awake.
You just wake up at 2 3030 and just take your shirt off
and just start screaming at your iPhone.
Nice.
Wait.
That someone's gonna surpass that.
It's gonna become something, I don't know.
Last night was funny.
We were talking about,
Brian Simpson was talking about,
for some reason, I don't know why I thought of this,
screaming at your iPhone and surpassing things.
Eventually they were like AI, Rogan was on one,
he was like AI is gonna get so powerful that it's smarter.
In our lifetime it'll be smarter than every human combined.
Then Brian Simpson was like, and then the real dilemma
is do we elect that AI president?
And I was like dude, there's only one human
that can stop this.
It's Donald Trump.
Donald Trump versus the AI super.
There's only one human that's like, I'm smarter than that.
That computer is dumb as shit.
Or who could roast it. If you hit that with a killer, Nick, it could
completely just like, that's actually not true. I'm not that I swear.
My legs are an appropriate length. Yeah, true. That could defeat AI.
Trump dogs are only shot.
I wonder what kind of nickname, Trump nickname,
an AI can come up with.
If you're like, give a Trump nickname.
What if the AI defeats Trump at making nicknames?
It's like Deep Blue for like the chess program.
Oh, no.
Just crushes him.
Although, I don't know, it still doesn't have the humor.
Yeah, but the funnier, the dumber the nickname
that Trump comes up with, it's funnier.
Well, that's something, that's the AI's advantage.
AI can't figure that out.
Yeah, exactly, the AI's too small.
I mean, dude, he for real crushed,
DeSanctimonious was-
DeSanctimonious, see you later, next.
Who's next, dude?
DeSanctimonious is so funny.
Dude, I was in his great state of Florida.
Oh, nice. What did he say?
I'm chat GP chat chat GPT right now.
I said, can you give me three mean nicknames for Donald Trump?
And it's just thinking.
Damn, I can't think of anything.
It's been. Oh, it's.
Pussy ass.
It's already been.
Chat GPT. Pussy ass. Stomped.
Unless you I don't think Grok would do it.
Grok on principle.
We like, no, Trump is important for the future of our democracy.
I'm I could be wrong.
I like when Bitcoin came out, people talked about the people talk to me about Bitcoin in like 2012.
Yeah, you got to buy it.
And I was like, shut up.
And I was like, all right, I was wrong about that one, but AI I'm still kind of like yeah, we'll see
like in terms of like script writing and all that stuff I
Think it'll it'll be a flurry of them
But then they're all they're all gonna you're gonna be able to be like yes an AI script
You'll be able to read it like yeah, this is written by machine. There will be after a lot of them
I think there will be telltale signs. Yeah, I don't know aren't they doing like an AI George Carlin?
Like a special really
Let me see. Could you look that up?
And I think that's
Selfish what do you mean? He's dead dude. Don't ruin stand-up. Yeah, don't come back and be like I'm better
I'm still better than everyone. Yeah, it's his it's his estate
Yeah, true. It'd have to be approved probably by his better. I'm still better than everyone. It's not like it's his estate.
Yeah, true. It'd have to be approved probably by his descendants.
I think they're the ones, yeah.
They're doing it?
Yeah.
That'd be nice.
Imagine the bag you could give to your family
by allowing them to do AI hours for you.
But the problem is, is you wouldn't have,
I guess they could build,
eventually it would just become so far away
from the actual thing,
because they're gonna just copy all this material
base it off that but then it'd be based off like the
copies of the copies of the copies eventually or just be like
Yeah, I'm a fucking
Yeah, yeah I had like seven I like dick I know that bothers men I
Hope he does like a woke like I'm black.
Sorry, white people.
I know you hate to see a black man.
If his thing goes back and is just black.
What if we start doing hybrids like Carlin Prior
and then they come up with like an amalgamation of the two people?
I'd be pretty tight.
Yeah. Just Carlin screaming the end words.
Call himself. Yeah.
Yes, that would rule.
It would be number one. Did you find anything?
Yeah, it's called George Carlin.
I'm glad I'm dead.
It got set to private because the family sued them.
Oh, they were making it in the family said, no, no, the fair.
It was like it was a guy from a podcast who made it and
he posted it on YouTube and the family sued him and he made it
private and then he later said that it was actually written by
people but I think it was a I yeah dude whatever so the
family sued because he couldn't use George Carlin's likeness
yeah fair enough, so they get
Good get one point for the Carlin estate. I
Wonder how much they got from him though. Like what are they how much they squeeze the youtuber for?
$1,500 yeah true or like we're gonna monetize they should just ran ads 18 million views. They got
$1,500 I guess that would bother me if like somebody just put up a video like my dad mom talking for an hour
I'd be like what the fuck you doing. Yeah, that makes sense
Well, we should probably switch over the patch. Yes, which is the motherfucking patch. Where we at Lamar?
No way my god, I thought we were way further me too. I could have sworn we're at a solid hour
I thought we were well past an hour. Well, either way I can see him in right to long. I could have sworn we're at a solid hour. I thought we were well past an hour either way I could even write along I can still uh
Tell you about this it doesn't I went to the magical yeah
I was gonna save that for the battery on but yes, let's hear it spill the beans on that do the
So we get down to where first of all we flew at 7 a.m. Which dude I
Understand Brittany was like it's either that or we go we connect a flight and have like a layover
And I was like you never really know how bad it's either that or we go, we connect a flight and have like a layover. And I was like, you never really know
how bad it's truly gonna be.
I'm like, yeah, we'll just do like a super early flight.
I was like, wake the kids up, they'll be all right.
Dude, it was, the flight wasn't really that bad.
As you get there and like, when you throw kids sleep off,
they were just like melting down.
It was bad.
We got there, we were all exhausted.
It was a bad, we had to get up at like fucking 4.30
or five o'clock.
I was basically on Jocko time for a day. My whole family fell apart.
So you get down there shattered from the day and then, you know, you get in,
you do all the stuff you got to do.
And it was me, Brittany, our two kids, comedian James McCann,
his wife and three kids.
So we just found this.
Britney found this Airbnb that was like 10 or 15 minutes from Disney World.
So they had like a Super Mario room with like a castle bunk bed.
Yeah, there was like a dinosaur.
The place was fucking nuts.
It was actually really sick.
There was like an air hockey table.
It was fun. We get into there.
They won. We're all just dead.
Second day, we wake up at 8.30 in the morning.
We got to Disney World by like 9.30 maybe.
And I didn't realize when you drive into Disney World,
it's like, we got dropped off, thank God,
but they had to drive and park.
There's a line for parking,
so you're sitting in a line for parking.
You get into the parking thing,
and then you walk, sit in another line to get on a ferry to get to the place where you can go through
and show your ticket so then that's another line and then so I'm like dude
this is gonna be a fucking disaster like we're not even gonna make it we're gonna
be in lines all day so then we got out of that and we get into the magical
kingdom and I will say I got completely converted into a Disney head as soon as
we walk in it's just you this is giant it like this little, they really do make this little town
and you're like, this is so clean, I'm like,
this is so nice.
And then there's just Mickey Mouse having like a Mickey Mouse
and Minnie Mouse bringing out like princesses
and all these characters.
And like my kids were just fucking losing their mind
and I was like, oh, okay.
Yeah, it's so nice.
I saw, I now, I couldn't understand,
when you were sending me those bounding videos, I't I was like I was like what the fuck I had no
Like idea of like why they were doing this now. I'm like I get it now
Yeah, they're upset isn't he's for real like it's like a religious thing
To go to the thick to like go down there and kind of immerse yourself in that world now
I'm like, okay, dude. There's like for real adults that would go we were doing the princess meet-and-greets
They're big a 30 year old lady in a dress, bro, by the way.
I was I'm telling you, I was like if my kids because they offer a hug, they would have had to greet the meat.
They offer. They offer a hug to every kid.
So I was I was trying to slide in the hug line with Chloe would walk away.
I think I'll take that. I'll take that.
I took the hug. No, no, I thought you that. I'll take that hug. You took the hug?
No, no.
I thought you did.
I was like, holy shit.
I would have called security.
But dude, the print, they keep.
How nice were the princesses?
Bro, they keep it tight, dude.
They keep those princesses.
Snatched up.
They're snatched, bro.
They keep them.
I think, I really think if you gain too many LBs, you get fired.
Rightfully so.
And they'll change that.
There's going to be fat fucking princesses soon.
I mean, dude, if they've gotten around it now, I don't think.
I think fat ladies can like usher you through the line to the princess.
But I don't think there's plenty of that going on.
But there's I don't think they allow them to be princesses
because Disney could argue like, dude, we have to capture the illustrated likeness.
So they could get around all that.
We're like, this is a role. We're casting.
I think I found a way around Governor Abbott's nasty rules.
What?
Disney princesses at the park.
Let me take a look at these.
Oh my goodness, Jasmine.
Yeah.
Did you get to meet Jasmine?
No, unfortunately.
Holy shit.
Very fortunate.
If you would have met her, it would have been.
True.
I could have turned into Jafar.
You would have kidnapped her immediately.
The Disney princesses are beautiful. Dude, it was, I was for real, like, I would just
walk in there like, I guess we'll meet Cinderella. And I was like, what the fuck? You met Cinderella,
Tiana from Princess and the Frog. She becomes a princess due to the loophole because she
marries a prince. Don't come come don't come in man Oh my god
Do they have Ariel and he kisses her after the marriage and then she is a princess once she marries little mermaid has giant hits
Dude, dude, the little mermaid was a slut bro. Yes. I they did a princess parade on the floats and the little mermaid
I remember being like she looked like a raver like Burning Man slut and I was like, you know the fuck
She looked little mermaid might have been the sluttiest princess
I think of the whole day definitely but you didn't see Jasmine Jasmine in this is let me see me just for
Yes for research. Yes for the next time I go to Disney World. You got time it you got a call ahead and go
Bring my kids is Jasmine gonna be in the park today. It's Jasmine need anything for lunch or whatever
She had like a favorite restaurant?
You got to visit the one in California now.
Disneyland?
Yeah.
I don't think Disneyland's as big as Disney World.
I don't fuck with Disneyland, dude.
Yeah, no. I don't.
I'm East Coast all day.
Yeah, I keep hearing about Disneyland.
I also do think Disney World's the OG world.
Yeah.
You know what Epcot stands for?
Environmental prototype community of tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Never would have got that. Dude, you would love space or, uh... Environmental prototype community of tomorrow. Never would have gone that far.
Dude, you would love space...
Space Mountain?
Yo, brother. Yeah, that's tough.
Space Mountain, the ball in Epcot.
Dude, so there was a ride.
So we meet the princesses, all's well,
everything's great. They're also, they're very quick too.
They're in character. If you ask, was I like...
There was one lady who was Princess Elena.
It's like a weird Disney show just on Disney Plus
They're like nobody I don't think a lot of people know who it is me and Maya would watch it
So I was like, oh shit is Princess Elena and I was like trying to hit her
Holy shit. Well, Brittany was like, which one is that? Maya didn't know I was like that's the red princess
It's Princess Elena and she was like, oh, it's me and then I asked her I said something about like a leg I was saying, that's the Red Princess, that's Princess Elena. And she was like, oh, it's me. And then I asked her, I said something about like,
I was saying something about the kingdom.
I was like, I'm from a kingdom.
And she like, they snapped back real quick.
Like, I bet your kingdom's great.
Kind of like, shut the fuck up.
Oh man.
But they are very quick, dude.
They're like, anything, the kids are gross.
Isn't the rain train, isn't Rainey like a Disney head?
He's an adult Disney,
but he's like an adult Disney pervert, I think.
I think, I think everything Rainey does, it's whatever he does, but he's like an adult Disney pervert. I think I think I think everything Rainey does is whatever he does.
He perverts it.
But there is a weird adult.
We got to get the rain train on to discuss these princesses.
We do, dude, because there is a because there is also so there's like little kids.
Like I had the little girls like kind of freaking out.
Then there's like the bounders, like the Disney adults.
And then there's like dudes who are taking pictures like
Couples that are like you can just tell it's like their fifth marriage
Yeah, there's like a dude like a tanned guy with a goatee and it's kind of like a
barfly
Holy fuck is princess Elena, she's here, she's beautiful.
He starts questioning his fifth marriage.
He's like, I just love the princesses so much.
I need to talk to the princess.
But that's why, so that's the reason behind the bounding.
I didn't realize this.
If you're an adult, you can't wear the costume because then
you can be mistaken as an actual cast member.
Yeah, that's why they have to bound.
That's why they bound.
Yeah.
So they push the limits.
That's the point.
Yeah, it's pretty, but there was like a, it's 14 and under you can you can dress as a princess anything above that?
You can't you'll be you'll be kicked out for impersonating cast member
But yeah, I can see how that was a problem. Yeah, I do. Yeah
I'm gonna dress up like a character so I can hug all the kids and pervert. Yeah and pervert and their birds. Yeah
But dude, we go there so we do all that stuff.
That was, I was like, man, this is actually kind of blowing my mind.
Is that a bounder?
That's a little too close.
It's literally just like what if every character was gay
That also that was a fantastic jokes by j-joke by James McCann when we saw the princess parade there the princes are with them
James is like wow I wonder if the princesses know all their husband like men
Just gay guys in the float like,
that was really funny.
Yeah, we watched so we did that. We went to so we saw the Princess Parade and then there was a
guy.
This is the dude.
We were getting assaulted by British guys rude British guys
constantly.
If you go to Disney World watch out for the Brits.
They're fucking assholes.
Yeah, of course get the Brits out dude.
I'm telling you man the ride Up the road. Up the road.
Dude, well, Brittany up the road.
One guy pretty badly, dude.
It was a we're at the Princess Parade.
And so we get we're like right in the front.
And this guy standing there, he has two teenage kids, his kids are sitting down
so that people can see over their backs as it was his little kids.
The dad is standing.
The dad's like six foot two, just standing there blocking the vantage.
And is a Brit. Yeah. And Brittany was like foot two, just standing there blocking the vantage. And-
Is it Brit?
Yeah, and Brittany was like-
It was like, all right, hey, the princess.
Dude, it was-
They probably worshiped the fucking princess.
That's what I'm saying, I think they saw that monarch.
I think they're jealous of our monarchy.
Yeah.
But they were like, they were sitting there
and Brittany was like, hey, do you mind if like,
like there's this line,
she's like, do you mind backing up like two feet?
So like the little, we had like five little
like fucking four-year-olds. Do you mind if they get in front of you so they can see and you can you know and he was like no
I got here first and I'm videotaping and Britney's like you're videotaping this shit and he was like I got here first
I'm not moving and he had like two teenage kids with him
So and Britney's I'm like just chill to show and I was like dude
Can you just do me a solid I was like back up a foot you can videotape
Just let this way the kids can see around you. No, I'm not moving
I'm like dude. I was like that's kind of crazy. I was like that's really weird. You're doing that. I was like do your thing
I'm like that's bizarre
He was like and then to the people they start coming Brittany held Maya up in front of his camera
Like oh, yeah real nice real nice very nice of you. Oh, man. Oh very nice
Yeah, he was pissed off is a gathering of fucking dickheads at that place
Well, dude, and that's the thing Disneyworld is like it all what there is like that weird like almost like you're in church
We're like there's a pressure like you can't act up in there. It's kind of he looks crazy
Yeah, cuz it's like a very supposed to be a very special point and there's kids
Yeah, but there are apparently compilations of Disneyworld arrests and I could I can see going wrong
I've peeped those because they do pump you with you can get pumped with the alcohol and Epcot and all that stuff
You'll get people get pumped on that booze. Yeah, a little rowdy getting hammered in Disney Road is kind of tight
I had to just a just a simple mark and a flight of mezcal my dad took me to Disney
It was just me and Phil when I was a kid. I
Was in fifth grade. I think that's nice. Yeah, I was a little old. I was third grade was when he told me I was going
Oh, yeah, it was a Christmas gift. I didn't get anything
Except a towel with Mickey Mouse
And I open it I was like the fuck's this they're like you're going to Disney World
I was like holy shit, and you had two years later two years later
My dad finally had like a business trip in Florida. He was like alright fine
He got fucking that's all we did we just went to fucking the Ep, my dad finally had like a business trip in Florida. He was like, all right, fine. He got fucking that's all we did.
We just went to fucking Epcot.
My dad just I just watched my dad go to like the German section.
He was like, look at this. I got you one of these.
It was like chicken on a stick.
And yeah, I was actually pumped.
Yeah, that's actually I was like, this is so fucking cool.
If you give kids stuff on sticks, they are.
Yeah, that's that's a that whole check, though.
That's Freud would know about that. all about that. That's just gay.
True, it's phallic.
We like to eat phallic things.
Your father's handing you his penis.
Your father's handing you his penis. You're eating it. You're gay.
You're destroying it. No, you're destroying it.
You're destroying your dad's cock.
You can't have the threat of obliteration from your father.
Your father will cut your penis off.
I'm done with it.
Your father will cut your penis off.
Time to read fucking Popper.
Carl Popper's the bro. They were done with this Freud bullshit.
He's too reductionistic. I can't.
I mean, for physics, yeah, but for the subjective human experience.
Popper just is lost, dude, in the mirrored hallway.
Well, I say, hold on still. Let me put this in my lab.
Oh, you want to suck your father's cock?
Yes, this is nice nice this is totally normal
I had a rough improv last night I forgot about that
I don't know if you saw it I just broke out into a Hitler when there was a part of a joke where I was like
if you don't laugh this is just hate speech right now
I was like it's your 900 people were like cause I fucked up the impression it didn't even sound like Hitler If you don't laugh, this is just hate speech right now
Cuz I fucked up the impression it didn't even sound like Hitler it just sounded like I had a stroke
Was on stage He does sound like he's having a fucking stroke. He's fired up dude. Yeah, you would be too. Yeah, I made the mistake
I'll never do it again. I came out last night and greeted the crowd
I was like where all my Jews at just I thought it'd be funny cuz I want to talk about Jewish people people was
Not happy. Yeah, and I got all self-conscious. I was like, where are all my Jews at? Just a little funny because I want to talk about Jewish people. People was not happy. Yeah.
And I got all self-conscious.
I was like, oh, shit, fuck.
Yeah. All my motherfucking Jews.
When you start with a rough on it.
Yeah, it's tough. I've opened with that joke that my mom got sad about a couple
of times, and it's an intense bomb. Yeah.
It's an intense one where people are like, oh, my God.
I thought I'd be I thought people was a prick. Yeah, people went, oh, and I'm like, oh my God. I thought it'd be, I thought people-
This guy's a prick.
Yeah, people went, ooh, and I'm like,
I'm not gonna like, I'm not trying to kill him.
I'm not trying to kill him.
I'm not gonna fucking beat them up.
I'm gonna subject him to a certain, yeah.
Oh, but dude, so then we went to Epcot,
and did you go on that inside like the-
I don't think I did.
Did you get the ball?
You would get so fucking fired up in that ride.
I forgot all about it.
I went on it when I was little and I didn't...
I was like, I think you just walk around this thing.
James, like what is it?
I'm like, I don't know.
He's like walk around.
It's like a gift shop, I think.
No, dude, you get on a ride that takes you from like throughout history and shows basically
like the evolution of Western civilization.
But it's these mechanical guys
that are taking you through this big dome
and you're looking at cavemen, then the ancient Egyptians.
Pretty much it's actually all of civilization,
but it's like they throw in the Egyptians
and I think the Middle East.
But they have this age, that age,
that, the Greeks, the Romans,
and you're going on and on.
It goes to the 20s, the 50s 50s the 70s and just shows you like how
Humans have evolved through technology and dude. I was like so fired up about it
That's it was really cool, and then you go into a thing and like you look at the nighttime. It's like a
They show you like the stars and this giant dome. It's fucking awesome. That is nice
I was so fucking fired up, but our our fucking thing was in Chinese
So I had a narrate every, I was like,
cause they were just like,
well I'm gonna hush about, cause our cart,
somehow the language was set to Chinese.
Where our guide was just weird,
and Brittany was so fucking mad,
and I was, no I know what this is, this is Greek.
This is Greece, I can tell.
And then now we're in Rome.
So I had to narrate all this stuff to her.
So she was kind of bummed about that.
What the fuck was it in Chinese?
That's what she was saying bro, she was so mad. She was so pissed off.
I'd be pissed.
I was like-
I'd be pissed.
But I was trying to hit her with that stuff. I'm like, this is even better because we can like just like think about it.
We can just think about it for ourselves.
I was spot on. I got the Greek. I'm like, we're about to hit Rome next. We did and then uh, what the fuck else?
It was it was sick though, but I didn't know when they were like showing papyrus like the invention of paper
I was like yeah, there's fucking that's like the Turkish Empire
Egypt inventing paper. I had no idea
All right. Yeah, so let's swing over dude. Let's get to the real stuff. Now. It's time to get down to business
Let's get to the real stuff on the patreon. Let's go