Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 477 - Father God (feat. Cole Beasley)
Episode Date: January 17, 2024Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Cole Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Good afternoon. W...e've returned with your weekly installment of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast! This week the D.A.W.G.Z. are joined by 11 season NFL Vet / ultimate bro Cole BEASTly. Lets mf goo. The cast is hot. Please enjoy. God Bless. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self. New customers can score $200 instantly in bonus bets for throwing down just $5 on the NFL. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code DRENCHED
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Yeah, if you get whenever I get high, I'm so happy when it's over. Oh, you're relieved when it wears off
I'm like, dude, I love you guys. Thank God. I'm back that but that's if you this is worst day
I've ever had a lot your high must not be a good one
It sucks the bug out come from the bug out is just
Thank you, man. It's like thank you
If you're if you're fully just vibing all the sudden it wears off you turn into the grump
You so you're out there vibing walking dog.
You're wife's immediately like,
why did you put that?
You've forgotten to do 25 things.
So you didn't blah, blah, blah when you left.
You're like, why are you worried about this shit?
Is the trash for me?
It's the trash.
I miss the trash.
I don't think the trash out of me.
I've left the front door wide open.
I'm like, who cares?
Dude, you're annoying right now.
We shouldn't even have borders.
I can't do edibles though.
Edibles are the ones that make me fronting out.
Edibles get out.
Yeah, I'll get sick and start freaking out.
I like one of P.E.
Also, I feel like I'm high for five days
if I take a fucking edel.
Yeah.
It feels like it's such a longer, huh?
Yeah, I think you get you. Yeah, I don't enjoy them. I used to eat them and forget. I would a fucking out of them. Yeah. It feels like it's such a longer, huh? Yeah, they get you.
Yeah, I don't enjoy them.
I used to eat them and forget.
I would impulsively eat them.
I used to make gummies and I would just be like,
yeah, what the fuck, and I'd munch a couple of them
and forget and be driving and be like,
ah, shit, I forgot about that.
I forget, yeah, I mean, we've talked about it
a thousand times on here, but Matt used to make
the edibles and we live together,
so I'd just be sitting there there just playing Xbox all day.
And he'd be like, it's not bad day. He'd be like, here, I'll test these out.
And I'm not going to get a high. So I'd like, I'd be like, I would ever totally
would forget that I'd eat one. 30 minutes later, I'd be like,
I feel like, you know, he's strong.
They're either too much or not enough. It's either you don't fill them.
And then you overdo it
because you're like, I need to take another one and then it hits you
and you're like, fuck what just happened?
Yep.
Yeah, I've been off for a while.
It's been nice, so I've gotten a lot.
I get so much shit down there.
Like it's insane.
I was really not firing all cylinders there.
I thought it was.
I really, my productivity's already at a fucking minimum.
If I thought of me, you don't have to listen to me.
Well, it gets you, because you're like,
I'll be so stern and I'll be like,
I just got to enjoy my life.
And I'll just not do anything for two days
and come back and like, fuck.
I need to do stuff.
This is not a deal.
It's like a, a soap's fable.
It's like, yeah, like you can't just enjoy life.
Yeah, no, you gotta do something.
Yeah, do.
You just enjoy life. Winter comes. It's like the grasshop life. Yeah, no, you gotta do something. Yeah, do. You just enjoy life. Winter comes.
It's like the grasshopper.
You knock on so much door, you go, can I come in?
Yep, it's a grasshopper, right?
Yeah, not cool.
Especially not right now.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, nothing compared to good God.
I was furious.
Matt was in San Diego this weekend.
I was in Peoria, Illinois, near number one on the power rankings
of Shitty is town in the entire country. Peoria, Illinois was that was helped.
Never heard of her. Yeah. It's in the middle of fucking Illinois. It's the Illinois
second biggest city. I think it's Shytown and then maybe Peore act to be wrong.
And sure a bunch of like suburbs of Chicago count. Yeah, true. Peoria was like a
small shitty Harrisburg. But it had like political administrative buildings
and stuff. I don't know. Impressive domes. There weren't very many
impressive domes. Really? No, there's a hospital. I think that was
the entire. So it wasn't even as big as Harrisburg. No, there's a
hospital Bradley universities. Bradley Cooper University Bradley the University of Bradley Cooper
And but yeah, then the the weather hit and that was so cool What were you doing out there though? I was doing show I do the show
I did show him pure and St. Louis and I had to get in a night early because of the the weather here to make sure I got to the show
So I just had a Thursday to do nothing in Puyo Real
and there's nothing to do anyway.
What'd you do?
Nothing.
Lay that chill.
Fucking lay down.
I tried to go outside.
I think Chicago's where we got stuck last year.
This is all, no apocalypse or whatever.
Chicago's so fucking cold dude.
Oh, you went, did you go to our Christmas last year?
Yeah.
I was supposed to go to our Christmas.
I was supposed to do like an in-law trip
and we got our flight I canceled due to the snow.
Just really cool.
They let me come hang out in the end of the season.
That was fun.
Oh yeah, cold, easily, everybody.
Cold, motherfucker.
He's amazing.
The interesting thing about Peoria is they're still bombs.
What?
There's bombs in every town, but there's like just five
black dudes walking around outside in Peoria. They were there's false noses
They're just in full fucking like
The one guy was wearing like a he was working on a traffic construction nice. He just had nice reflective s
Yeah, just mean the bombs were the only ones outside
Then I tried I was like, oh, here's a mall. I went into a mall. It was just totally abandoned
Realed with like three bombs. What just bomb sleeping in the food court
That's fucking crazy. Yeah
That's fucking yeah, that you don't tell any man my wife's from bringing some Chicago
She brought my wife's from Chicago. She brought me there in the winter time and I was like we'll never live here
We'll never live in Chicago, dude. It's so fucking...
It's so weird to get furious.
Buffalo's fucking cold, too. Buffalo's...
Buffalo's...
The wind in Chicago is worse, though.
I played two games in Chicago,
that were worse than any game I played in Buffalo.
Dude, it's so chilly, dude.
It's like cold, and then it gets the wind hits you,
and you're like, this is just bullshit.
It's so fucking...
Yeah, they're like,
Are you sure I'm originally...
Ah, take Hust, America. Yeah, so you
must have been cold beastly up there. You
know what you know you get used to it
though. I actually started enjoying it
a little bit. Yeah, really. So I would
always a big sleeve guy when it's cold.
When I was in Dallas, we'd go to the
giants, you know, we'd play there. It'd
be like 30 and I'd be freezing my ass
off and
hate it. And then I come to Buffalo and then I'm out there and warmups and sleeves. And
by the time the game starts, I always do the old man's sleeves, I like cut them. They
have the half sleeves, but I cut them. I like it. It's so crunchy. Sure. So how, does
that really, I mean, it has to fuck you up when it's that cold. Like, it's got to be
tough to concentrate. I can't imagine. After a while, you get has to fuck you up. Well, no, it's that cold. Like, it's got to be tough to concentrate.
I can't imagine.
After a while, you get used to it.
Yeah.
Actually, the cold here feels way worse.
Like 20 degrees here is way worse than 20 degrees in Buffalo.
I have no idea why.
Hmm.
I don't know if it's the moisture in the air or what,
but it's not good.
I'd much rather be in Buffalo.
True.
Well, minus four in pure.
You have sucks.
Ugh.
I don't think minus four is good anywhere. Sucks. Ugh. One thing minus four is good anywhere.
Sucks.
Yeah, man.
At least it's good it drives people into indoors for the show.
The bones are still out.
True.
The bones.
You don't like the outdoors?
No, for when you do stand up, it's good.
I have to try to be like,
I've used nature to course people to go inside.
So you want it to be really cold
so people have no other option.
Yeah.
So there's like no comedy clubs in Miami. Yeah. In New Orleans.
Because people would rather have fun than go trail. Listen to a guy talk about his problems and his
small dick. Let's get drunk and watch back. It's a good time. Yeah. That was actually, I think that
was the first comedy show I've ever been to as yours. Really? Yeah, I think so.
Which one?
And at the Vulcan?
Yeah, that was fun.
That was the first time I've ever been to one.
That was cool.
How did you guys meet?
How did you guys?
Gabe.
Gabe Davis.
Gabe Davis, the best.
The best ever, Gabe Davis.
Get well soon, Gabriel.
We're praying for you.
Try to get him to come to Texas next year.
Let's get him out of there.
Chill. Chill. Chill. I just wanted to be closer. If I'm not there, I Try to get him to come to Texas next year. Let's get him out of there. Chill.
Chill.
Chill.
I just want him to be closer.
If I'm not there, I don't want him there anymore.
He can't be a Dallas cowboy.
Why not?
Pro.
I mean, I can, no income tax.
I'll switch my allegiance.
It's a good spot.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'll put it on Dallas Cowboys.
Sure.
I just flip the hat backwards on my boy.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll put it on Dallas Cowboys gave Davis hat on. Let the hat backwards on my boy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I put it on Dallas Cowboys.
Sure.
I just flipped the hat backwards on my boy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I put it on Dallas Cowboys.
Sure.
I just flipped the hat backwards on my boy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I put it on Dallas Cowboys.
Sure.
I just flipped the hat backwards on my boy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I put it on Dallas Cowboys. loose. I tell the fan that you did the egg,
and it goes viral.
I get really, you tweeted back.
Oh, of course.
Oh, I've been there, brother.
I wanted to tweet back.
So I shut down my Twitter.
What did the guy say?
What did the guy say?
The guy, I had posted just a picture of me
and my child at the time.
I went for your child.
He said he was fumbled.
He said, I got fumbled my baby, you know.
What a fuck, man. When they go for the go for the children is fucked when they start hitting your children
I don't even think my kid could talk at the time. It's like you're going at a toddler
You can't even speak he can't feed them bro. You cannot feed them. That's bullshit. No, I'm good at feeding them
What do you call him? He's calling like a pussy? I told him to eat a dick. That's fair Yeah, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you money he said that though. I mean, from his perspective, so funny to tack.
We're attacking athletes child. Anonymous in his defense. I had one catch that
game and I fumbled the big. But we blew him out. It was in London,
yeah, versus Jacksonville, shout to Desi ball his ass off that game.
Nice. Oh, yeah. But yeah, fans are ruthless, man. What do you think about
playing over in London?
I was in a big fan of London. It was always cloudy.
He's always rainy.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm bullshit.
I got sick and then I brought it back and got my baby sick.
So that wasn't cool.
And I got to eat that mean fucking shit.
So yeah, do you talk about it?
I agree with that.
We, yeah.
I blame them on the coaches though.
They got mad because everybody was like, we had curfew.
Everybody's like, we're grown men.
Why we have curfew? Everybody's going out and Men why we have curfew everybody's going out and shit and in the next morning
People relate to meetings and so they make us meet they do it make us do a walkthrough outside and it's like
Freezing and raining outside. Yeah, I get sick. It's their fucking fault. It totally is a fault. That's fucking bullshit
Is it a Wembley? Yeah, that's pretty cool. It was a cool stadium for the environment
But it's like they didn't know into cheer was still new. Yeah, it was like, and they're all wearing just random
jerseys. Yeah, it was awesome. The whole stadium's like just, yeah, it was cool though. Yeah, I was
always curious. Yeah, how do they react? Were they like cheer or they just like excited and
jet? I was like, when you'd have a bad play that cheer, and I don't know, maybe they were cheering for
the other team, but it's hard to know. I feel like cowboys, you know, our fans travel better than anybody.
So I like to think most of them were going for the boys, you know.
True.
And they would cheer sometimes when it's like, I don't think they should cheer right now.
But I don't know.
By God, he snapped the ball.
Was that English?
The answers.
By George.
That's a first down.
That's a first down
I don't even remember any of that dude. I have the worst memory. It's from playing 11 years football after I should
John madden dead Yeah, is he dead? Yeah, when did he die?
That's a good question. I don't do that. I think he died two years ago when that long ago really yeah
He was the fucking man.
Yeah, he was the best.
I was also the good fucking awesome now.
There's always this Oakland Raiders Closing.
He was the boom guy, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on man, he's more than that.
Yeah.
I'm just sorry.
No, that's fine.
Play football, but I don't know as much as I should about it.
He, uh, there's a good clip going around of him.
He was the Raiders coach and they were like dirty as fuck.
They were like punch people in the face and shit.
Yeah. And he's like, you think we played dirty?
Do something about that.
That's like fucking shit.
I like that.
That's cool shit.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Here's a big facke.
I'm not sure.
Yeah, he lies with just a team of goons.
You're so bad.
I think he played for the Eagles.
Did he really?
Yeah, he was burnt.
Let's check that out.
Let's check that out.
I think John Manon played professional football
for the Philadelphia Eagles. Yeah, what do. Yeah, I didn't know he played
I thought you just knew it. He died in that 2021 from what?
Oh, to each of you from what I gotta find the death real quick. Oh, they just my colors. I feel like it's very bad that we don't know this though
What he died. Yeah, we hear him on the video game
Yeah, they should keep him on madden for it. Hopefully. Yeah, I'd be fucking bullshit if it is deal you could just AI
Yeah, how do you get you played for the Eagles? He did play for the Eagles?
Confirmed Eagles confirmed the coach the Raiders confirmed
Although did he two pockets death?
He might still be a lot.
Undisclosed.
He's 85 minutes. Huge guy.
When did the when was the vaccine rollout?
Oh, brother, you said it.
Let's not get on that here.
Did you get a lot of pushback for that?
You might get on that.
We can talk about a little bit.
Wait, you're talking about recent medical breakters?
You talking about it, you don't trust me.
I don't know much about it.
You don't trust the science.
I'm not a scientist.
I don't trust the science.
I love the science.
I wanted to get it to show that I got to.
No, I love it.
At the time, it was just all science.
It came out super duper fast, man.
I don't know.
Yeah, no shit.
I'm very hesitant about that one. Yeah. Literally, this love the time. I love all the time. It came out super duper fast, man. I don't know. Yeah, no shit.
I was very hesitant about that one.
Yeah, literally, this is warp speed.
We should have had a new one.
I don't know where they're, buddy.
I never got to get it.
I tried to get it every day.
And I just, it was hard to get a hold of.
I was like, please give me one.
They went, we don't have any more left.
I went, oh, no.
Yeah.
I survived, though.
You actually, I actually almost went home and like,
talking to my wife.
I was like, should we?
Yeah. Turned out. Well, I was like, Oh, should we? Yeah, yeah, turned out.
Well, that was tough because yeah, was she was she with it?
She no, she's no, saying, were you like should we get it?
And she was like, were you a pussy? No, no, I went home.
I went home and was like, should we?
Yeah, she's like, fuck now. But after a while, you know,
when you get so many people just coming at you and
After a while you're like, maybe I should just fucking get it
That's what I did bro. No way. I folded. I didn't fold it
It was embarrassing to watch your press conference when I was sitting there after I folded the statement man
The statement I remember the same thing. You only got one
I got one you're a muggle. That's all right. You're a muggle. I know. I'm you know you're a muggle
I got one and I think you knowuggle. That's all right. You're a muggle. I know.
I'm not.
You're a muggle.
I got one.
You know, one should be all you need, right?
You would.
Isn't it one for all the others?
I don't.
I don't know anything.
I don't either.
I just knew they weren't going to let me work at the comedy store unless I got it.
Yeah, I was going to move.
Yeah, they let us do a lot of things if we didn't get it.
I did.
I did.
I did.
I did. My family was like, my wife was like, I don't know what we should do and I was just like,
fuck it, we're not doing it.
And then she was happy afterwards.
She was not, yeah.
She was pregnant.
Turned out great.
I, yeah.
Yeah, she was pregnant to run a whole thing.
So I, it was like, you really should not do it.
What's going to happen?
I was like, fuck, no, not doing this.
Maybe you should do it.
If you're pregnant, go get the vaccine.
Or don't, you know?
No, you should get it.
Get it or not.
Get a bunch of them.
Now she didn't do it.
The kids.
Be funny to get flagged.
They'll be funny to get flagged for misinformation
of being like, take a bunch of vaccines.
Like, actually, that's not healthy either.
Well, they just, they just went away.
No one, it's like, it's like,
if you talk about it, like, oh my God, get over that.
It's like, dude, like, that was insane. Now it's just gone. You can like, it's like if you talk about it, like, oh my God, get over that. It's like, dude, like, that was insane.
Now it's just gone.
You can, like, you weren't allowed to talk about it.
Now you can be like, you're not going.
No, it's not going.
We'll see if Fythera commercial there.
Still come out in the boosters.
Well, now the new epidemic is amongst the super elderly.
They're like, this is the new epidemic of COVID.
It's like, what do you talk?
It was the whole time.
They're putting out a new thing now.
They're trying to like, like, the elderly aren't getting boosters. So now they're just
focusing on them. My parents got it. There's, here's a while where my mom was her mom and dad were just
like, hey, get the fucking shot and shut up. Yeah. I was like too far in. I'm into deep.
Too deep. Too late. I got all these people thanking me. I can't stop now.
Oh, bro, that would have hurt. That would have hurt the Patriots would have been down.
All the bros, all the, all the, all the, all the, all the other teammates were like dying from it.
And have ever been like, I was never, I was never scared. I never thought that.
It was more so like to, the funny thing is everybody who got in, in the NFL was like just getting,
I got to use the sauna, bro.
I was like, do you just call the fucking sauna?
What are they gonna do?
They just let it out, yeah.
You know what I mean?
I went in the sauna, it was great.
They're dead.
Did you have to do all that weird shit
where like you had to go in earlier and like you put it to the end?
Yeah, so that was my deal.
I was like, all right.
And then I got fined a ton for not wearing masks
because of this, but I was like,
I told the head head man
I was like I'm gonna do what makes sense, right?
I get tested I wait for 30 minutes after that. Why do I have to wear a fucking mask? I'm more safe than any of you in here
You know, it's got my deal
Then I got fined over 150,000 what it was over the course of the year. Could you pull your nose down like that?
Or do they hate on that? So I did when I did the statement
I wish I was just not worn it at all.
Like, that was the one day, I just did it
because I was in front of the camera.
It's like, all right, let me, yeah.
Let me just think about the bills here
and not get them in too much trouble,
but honestly, who can talk with that fucking thing?
And the whole time, it's just coming off my face
while I'm talking.
My chin pulls it down and people think I'm wearing it
purposely below my nose.
But I was like, no, when I, when I talk my chin moves,
it pulls it down, yeah.
But yeah, this is shit show.
And what bullshit in and off for what?
I don't know, man, I just know the NFL made sure to get
that last $75,000 fine in before the playoffs.
True.
Last week.
And this is, I already have COVID. So it's like, I don't know what they, I don't before the playoffs. True. Last week. And this is, I don't know. I already have COVID.
So it's like, I don't know what they,
I don't know the science behind everything,
but after you have COVID, you don't have to test anymore.
So if I don't have to test anymore,
why the fuck did I have to wear a mask?
And then I got a big $75,000 fine at the last one.
And then, and then all that shit was over play offs,
they just went away with all of it.
I was like, those dirty bastards, make sure to get that fine.
It's, uh, God, dude. Just it. I was like, those dirty bastards make sure to get that funny. Uh, God, dude.
Just wild.
I was just laughing.
Why was just talking about when Rudy Go Bear got it?
Do you remember that?
He played for the jazz.
And he was like the first guy to get COVID.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He goes to the press conference.
This is the NBA game they shot down a half time.
Middle again, they were just like,
I, everybody leave the arena.
Somebody's got COVID in here. I don't even remember that.
You also watch the video. It was like day one. It was like the first COVID thing.
And this guy, he gets COVID first and he comes and he does a press conference.
He's like, I have COVID. Ha ha. And he touches all the mic.
Everyone was like, Ha ha. This is funny. I didn't get it till they stop
testing all the vaccinated players
The week after that wild really stop testing them all because they were all getting it and then I get it No, yeah, now an asshole and I ruined the season
They blamed it on you. Yeah
Meanwhile my vaccinated teammates are playing in the game against new England Patriots with COVID not at home
Not being able to play. Yeah, it was some 40. It made a lot of money.
That's good though.
Farm's Zoodle company's made billions of dollars.
It did.
It is good.
I'm a Sprite sign it.
That's cool.
It's good for the economy.
And then also we got to, we got to, we got to basically mandate, uh, mail-in votes
off of it.
So that was true.
Those are two good things.
True.
True.
True.
I trust that science and we're happy about that.
It is also good to get a display of total fucking subservience from your population.
That was nice.
Watching our whole population fold under tyranny.
Yeah, it was just nice to know that America, the place you would think would be very anti-tyranny.
Yeah.
But whatever.
It was good to watch.
Yeah, we can't make it any any announcements
Hi, no, that's all right. I just had a feeling this was coming. No, it's
Yeah, I was gonna bring it up
You brought it up. We always bring it up. Sure. We talk he talked about it. Yes, there's time for sure
It's you know, you did you think dude? Yes, I was hated for it for a while.
And you know, I didn't even get to do interviews anymore
after that, it was wild.
Would they wouldn't let you?
After the statement, like, so the year before that,
every Wednesday was my day to speak to the media, you know,
when you're like, I guess when you have success,
you have your days or whatever,
it's probably me, Steph, Josh, on offense or something.
But after that, no more of the rest of the year, bro.
Instagram, the Buffalo's Instagram wouldn't even post a picture of me.
They were ashamed to me.
Really?
Yeah, it was wild.
That's a bull.
Yeah, I was so easy to fake it.
It hurt my feelings, you know?
Yeah, that is.
Yeah, it's kind of the reason I was like, hey, give me the f out of here.
That would hurt my feelings.
Guys, turn on me. Yeah, man. It was also so easy to fake it, too. That of the reason I was like, hey, give me the f out of you guys turned on me. Yeah, man
It was also so easy to fake it, dude. That was the other thing. Oh, buddy. There's you know little fell loved to
You know be the be this the spokesman for having the vaccine
But like dude half of the dudes who got it didn't get it
didn't get it. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of things. That was the funniest part of all of it. It was like, bro, you can fake this. So did you do that in your special that joke about dude's faking it? Yeah.
Yeah. Going out the practice. It was me. I think. Do you remember when Antonio Brown got caught and then
Bruce Ariens was was pissed. He's like, let's test everybody. You see who really got it.
How can you even do that though? I know, but they they would have been awesome. Oh, yeah, let's do it
Start like doing the whole team becomes a medical experiment. You start like song or limbs off
I'm glad that's behind us. I didn't know Antonio Brown got caught
Yeah, he got got caught with a fake card
Dan his fake card must have been hilarious. There were so many people that you could have got with that dude. No offense to him, but in crayon just I got Vax
All right, thank you, baby
Was that that might have was that the year he that was his last year right?
Vax here, I think that might have been third quarter, take the Jersey off. I think so. That was a wild moment.
It was savage.
He's a wild boy.
He's a fuck this amount.
I should have just did that.
He's as funny as it gets.
His Twitter, you want to do this Christmas tweet he had.
Let's say he was just like, I follow him until he's so he was like, I'm not.
Maybe the football player was an animal.
I'm not saying some fat cracker came down to me and gave you all this, I bought it.
I bought it.
I bought Santa Claus's cracker.
Yeah, he's been, he hasn't been very happy
with white people lately, I don't think.
He's not happy with the whites.
It's been Santa cracker lately.
He's not happy with the whites.
It's been Santa cracker lately.
I was like, dude, I thought we were boys, man.
How old is he?
How old is he?
How old is he?
How old is he?
He's probably like 34ish. Yeah. How old is he? How old is he? How old is he? He's probably like 34. Yeah. Yeah. 35 maybe. Nice. You got
to do it a couple of times. Yeah. I'm not saying that's what you got.
You got you got pop the couple of times. That's always, you know, why
we're crazy as football players. It's always CTE, buddy. Anytime I do
some stupid. I got CTE. That's a nice. That's a nice. Everybody loves to
say that. Yeah. That's a nice one.'s a nice, yeah. Everybody loves to say that, yeah. Yeah, that's a nice one.
Which, you know, maybe I do, I don't know.
Honestly, if your 5, 8, buck 75,
you're planning the NFL, you're probably kind of psycho anyway.
Yeah, yeah, well that's the other thing,
is most guys in the NFL are psycho.
I'm pretty crazy.
Yeah, pretty wild.
I'm normal, but then when I get out there,
it's different animals. It's a different animal. Don't fucking make eye contact
You got you got my focus trying to try you out here at all because yeah
You see NFL dudes usually huge linemen like you know, dude
I go into the radar because they don't know that's what I'm saying. I haven't tried you and then you ever go beast mode
So I'll get if I go no nobody tries me if I go to if I go to Dallas like I'll get noticed or Buffalo
But out here nobody gets a fuck true Austin there just like it like this guy. I'm just another civilian
Just crack
They don't know man
That's fucked, which is cool makes it better anyway
Tritway lay low rather nobody notice me. No Buffalo is cool about it
But Dallas is like I'd be walking through them all
and they'd be yelling my name across the fucking mall and then everybody knows.
Yeah.
Buffalo will just come up and be like, hey, I just want to shake your hand.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
It's kind of pushing me.
Buffalo fans are great, man.
Yeah, I like going to Buffalo.
Buffalo's, it's a fun town.
It's a good, it's my favorite stadium
They're about to have a new one. They're about to demolish. I know I'm sad about that Yeah, I think right Buffalo could use a bulldozer on a couple of their buildings
Buffalo's a pretty good the whole city
I like it's been a lot of time in the city of Buffalo or yeah, yeah, I didn't I didn't go the city much
Oh, you were in the outskirts. It's a no P on their park. There wasn't much going on in the city
Or tripark in East Aurora. Those are my scenes nice. These drawers are nice little old town
I can check it. I think I've ever been there. East Aurora's nice man. Go to the well the barbell barbell is like the
The wingspot everybody recommends you to go from the team. It is nice to go to a city where crushing wings is
See all right. Everybody's doing occasion a honey butter barbecue. They're they're really good
I only think is the rich I can only eat like three of them like I do my son will freaking smash
Honey butter barbecue sounds. That's a rich wing. I miss I miss being nine, you know, yeah
Just pound wings and just go run the 40 right after.
Oh, all right.
I was gonna say I'm still pound wings.
Yeah.
I'm living like a nine year old.
No, it was nice having no cause.
Yeah, but you could go run, you can go sprint right after it.
I'm not throwing up.
Yeah.
Never.
I don't know when the last time I sprinted with us.
You probably must have been years.
What do you think your 40 time is right now?
4368 434
I probably run it up 434
But after I left the Giants I knew it was over I didn't touch away my agents like let's see if we can get picked up
And I'm just like yeah, yeah, it's pretty much over. It's the second team. I'm left mid season
Nobody's gonna get it. Let me come back
But I was just at this point. I was like if you're not gonna play me buddy. I mid season. No, I've got nobody's gonna get a let me come back.
But I was just at this point, I was like,
if you're not gonna play me, buddy, I'm out.
Yeah.
You want, why not just collect the check?
It's crazy, after COVID, I went from 82 catches,
off three broken ribs to just a practice squad
player as wild.
So really?
But don't they have to pay you the original amount?
They said they would, because I would just collect
the bet.
Why can't you just collect the bet?
What were you talking about?
What do you mean?
So they hired you and they're paying you the Giants?
Yeah.
I was, no, I mean, it's, I was vet minimum, but then you're on
P squad, you get whatever the P squad amount is.
I sure say, which is cool, but you know, I think they just
brought me there to kind of coach and get to hang out in the
locker room.
I was like, do you know, hung out in locker room for 11 years
already?
Yeah, it's cool, but I do want to, I would like to coach at some point,
but I didn't want to coach the fucking New Jersey.
Yeah, my kids are going to this school where,
I don't know if we should bring up those issues, either.
It's just a little different there than Texas.
That's true.
Coach is gonna be rad.
It's like, it's like, It's like coaching will be red coach.
Yeah.
Coach is fun, dude.
I coached my kids flag football team.
It was a blast.
Oh, yeah.
It's a record.
We lost one game, but we.
That's all won the championship.
We've we ended up beating that team we lost to in the championship.
It's 20 years to nothing.
That was awesome.
It make a goddamn movie better.
Well, the flag football, you know, you play in the first time.
You have no idea what they're gonna do
True, no, I got a I got a pretty extensive football background
So once we got the playoffs is like heart now. No, we don't
That's fucking awesome. There's one team that gave us a run though. Yeah
Lake Travis Jaguars man, they had a good squad. They played just close both times
That was I was super pissed about it. We still won. I was I was still mad
I was like I want to play him again after the championship
They were good that guy was probably talking so much shit after he won too that guy probably hasn't slept in months
He's like I just know the game better than anybody and fucking what was the score of the final?
28 to zero.
Yeah, so so they beat us 29 to 28 during the season.
Oh,
defense has had a meltdown, switched up the defense after that.
I've got all of these kids.
Uh, they were like eight.
Yes, that was the first.
Oh, you have is an NFL Blitz playbook at that point.
Yeah, but we're running the bomb.
I know.
Super fly.
So that gave me faith after it fell over.
Yeah, I had a blast.
You know, it coaches, yell at me from the other sideline.
And I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to get that competitive fire out.
You know, and then until this guy starts yelling at the ref, you're only listening to him because he played
in the NFL.
I was like, he shut that shit up.
Yeah.
Apologize to him.
Come over there, I fucking beat you.
Yeah, stop there, but.
Oh, man, I felt kind of bad, but I got a little fire.
He was like, all right.
Of course you got fire.
I was like, I love it, man.
Dude, coaching, I coached, I got an underage.
I got it in the end for community service.
I was like, I'll coach the eighth grade football team.
It was so fun dude.
I'd be up in the press box.
I'd want, I remember it half time I was like,
you know, we run a draw out of this shotgun for me.
Did you play a draw for me?
We got it.
I played just basically high school.
I played one year year college and then quit
It's D1 bro. No, I'm full. We're happy We're at them
Probably one of the better D1 schools army
No, I quit right away and then I transferred to the army though for three weeks
Okay, and then I went to Elon University
In New York, I actually thought about going to Air Force Academy for a little bit good call
You know the whole nine-year commitment deal was
Yeah, I wanted to play in the league, you know, I was like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do it how that works
Nine years they're a little hazy with the commitment thing with me
They were like it's like four years active duty
And I was like oh nice four years I can handle and they're like it's also three years reserved and
We're not worn in the Middle East so that's basically
You're gonna be yeah, you're out there. Yeah, Jesus
Up front about it. No, they weren't very up front about it. All right, or I was just not listening
Yeah, you know what no, they probably weren't they're probably very they were like it's yeah, it's four years active
Dude what position did you play? I'm interested now. Let's go. Tackle guard. Tackle in high school and then guard out
Garden college. I was too slow and short for tackle for tackle. Yeah. Why does it be in short matter at tackle?
I don't know. They love long arms
As D. N.s. were all fucking six eight
Skinny guys now. That's true. Yeah, everyone's skinny dude the NBA is like
Everyone six foot nine real just emaciated. It's like a point card. I can't want that once Kobe died that NBA died for me
Yeah, I don't know. It's just I can't I don't
I guess he was retired before that
When Kobe was playing, I would watch the
Lakers on their own. But ever since then, I can't. There's no
like, I like Kairi, you know, like Steph.
For sure. But there's Kairi rules. Just not the same. He
does, man. Kairi rules. Kairi's dope. Kairi. He's one of
the, it's one of the few. One of the few one of the few that stood up man. Yeah
I place for Dallas
He does
He's like Cisco on here. He's got good rest
I'm surprised Cuban signed him Cuban gave me hell for not getting them vaccine
Cuban did but he was a cool dude about it. He was I was on sales
But I mean, he was
But he was a cool dude about it. He was I was gonna say I was about I mean, he was a little bit of an asshole on Twitter and then I was like, hey,
like, what are we doing?
So that he reached out and then we talked on the phone.
He was the one who actually almost talked me into getting it.
That was when I actually that was why I went home.
It was like, hey, should we get it?
Shark tanked it to you.
Yeah, he almost got me.
Yeah, I'm out.
He was close. So he's pretty persuasive.
But I should have known. He's a great businessman.
Yeah.
And now I know, you know, he's pretty persuasive, but I should have known he's a great businessman. Yeah, and now I know
So successful call I like you all right, I like you a lot. Let's be friends
He was good about it. That's pretty cool
At least he was willing to talk to me and I just called me a fucking hillbilly. Yeah, I'm move on to his life
At the time I had no tooth, you know?
Oh, they're really good.
So of course, after I do the stave,
and they post me, my picture like,
with no tooth right here,
just made me look like a complete fucking imbecile.
That's all right.
That was their play though during that whole time.
Sorry, I play with my daughter.
We were wrestling.
She's comfy in her thing.
Not tooth out, right in the face.
Damn, she didn't cry almost did
My two thirds you can't try you can't cry for any children no dude I broke my nose and had to come out of the ocean for my two kids was just like
No, you have no choice but to cry true
There's some true. Yeah, I was my fellow faces wet luckily for me
Real I was like upset and scared and I had to be like,
as I was like, dude, what if my nose bones,
like in my brain right now,
and if I sneeze and fucking shoots up into my cortex
and kills me the whole time,
I'd be like, daddy's fine guys, he's okay.
Unless he's not, he might not be.
Unless this bone fragment travels into my,
I love you guys so much.
This is my fear of death.
This is so tough though.
Yeah.
I lose it sometimes and I'm just like,
damn, I shouldn't have done that.
Jump up, you calm.
Being calm or being?
Being calm is tough for me to do.
Not screaming at the kids.
Yeah, it's tough.
I might do thing now I go,
you're making me very mad right now.
I have to tell them get mad and they're like,
whoa, what the fuck, why?
And I'm like, because you're not listening to me.
Yeah.
It's usually all to start spasming
I tell them I'm getting frustrated, but it's probably too late. They already know
Or if one hurts the other one you might instinctively like like what are you doing like push them in your
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that
Oh, yeah for a for sure
My nine-year-old got at the worst because I was like learning how to be a dad with him
He's my oldest and feel bad for the guy, but. He's not now.
Yeah, we've gotten a lot better.
You'll be fine.
And it's a boy, it'll be all right now.
Yeah, boys are like, yeah, I feel like you just,
I feel like me, my dad, I don't think,
if you're young, you shouldn't be friends with your dad.
Yeah, until you're like 30,
then you go, actually, my dad was cool.
I don't think my dad talked to me once.
Oh yeah, I know. Other than yelling my dad was cool. I don't think my dad talked to me once.
My parents weren't really yellowers though. I mean my dad would whoop our ass, but he didn't yell much. Oh, that's terrifying. He's quiet. Ask whoopers
He just didn't you know, he just wasn't yelling. He'd have a stern voice. He was what I was scary though would just, I don't, I, he would always talk through the bottom of his teeth. And he,
oh, that's what you did. Yeah.
Yeah, that would fry.
Dad, I'm not coming over there. You're going to get over.
That's my kids when I get mad. Yeah.
Like, I'm not coming over there. They're smart. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, it's, I remember one time. Yeah, I was outside of my
dad was like, get the fuck in the house. And I was like across the street. I was like, no, I'm not coming
out. You're gonna hit me. Why would I? Your parents, your parents cost a lot. Uh, no, my
dad would when he was mad. Why not? My dad, my dad, because his way more now than I ever
ever. Yeah. Once he retired from coaching, he, you know, the only time, the first time I ever
heard him say the F.O. was like my senior year and because he's my head coach in high school was
my senior year during a football game. He's like, I don't know what the fuck
calling on. It's just like mid game.
Yeah. But that's nice.
Yeah, when we were teenagers, my dad brought us into the fold like against our mom,
he'd be like, your mother's a fucking maniac.
What the fuck? Where's your mother?
Your mother just makes shit up.
She rewrites history. It's fucking annoying. She should be driving. I have no idea what you're talking about. That'd be hard not
to do that. Bring your kids on your side. Just for the record. Your mom's a bitch. It's so hard.
I didn't want to tell you kids this, but I'm the good ones. Just so you know. Ugh. He would tell us, he'd be like, women rewrite history.
It's just, it doesn't make any sense.
Things happen.
He's just like, it's Jesus fucking Christ.
And you're just driving signs for 30 minutes.
We all be like,
what right there?
What the fuck?
He's so mad.
Wait, that's tough.
I'm one of six kids too.
So that's like, it's tough, dude.
It's six kids a lot.
You got lost in shuffle. It's six kids a lot. You got lost in shuffle.
It's six kids, dude.
Bro, I was in the woods lighting fires,
and she's chilling, dude.
I was happy to get that.
We're just like finding plants and smoking them,
being like this fucking rules.
Smoking sugar packets.
Yeah.
Shit ruled.
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This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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Please come to that.
And a bunch of other places.
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Zany's Nashville. Come on now. Yeah, I mean, Louis St. Louis,
Shane M. Gillis.com for all my tour dates.
Yes, please get in here. Stick your fucking face in the camera.
Hey, everybody, the cab city show is next week it's it's a it's a it's a
anywhere 24 the wednesday in Austin Texas a cap city if you can come I'd really appreciate it
and the other one is helium Philadelphia on April 10th if you can come I'd really appreciate it thank you
there you go. Where can they get tickets? Oh uh only comedy come. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. There you go. Working to get tickets. Oh,
only comedy. I'm gonna say I guess in my Instagram, Sean, Sean
Gardini added the link to the link. Yeah, nice. Nice. Thanks,
guys. God bless.
The woods were so tight. He busted our porn for my dad,
Uncle found our porn for it and is fucking destroyed it.
Where does all like damn, we were the, my dad and my uncle found our porn for it and it's fucking destroyed it. Where it is all like.
Damn.
We were, there's our Jewish tonals.
We were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were,
we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, They turn into the camera crazy. They go nuts. They go, oh, they're the camera crazy.
What do you think about those Jewish tunnels?
You got to have some opinions on these tunnels.
I don't know anything about them.
Well, let me tell you, here's what's going on.
The funniest fucking thing possible happens in New York City.
It turns out Jews were digging secret tunnels in New York City.
And they got busted. They jumped up and down about it. It's nice down there. Actually, you can see them.
They are distinctive sex. And I was like, oh, there's those tunnel and Jews.
Yeah, tunnel and Jews. So what are the purpose of tunnel and Jews?
Now, we don't know exactly what the purpose was. There's a lot of rumors
swirling as to what the purpose was. But I would probably say something very bad.
For sure. I don't think there's ever every set of tunnels I know has had
something terrible in it. Amas, the underground railroads. Vianom. Something we need to stop is going on in tunnels.
Lady died.
I don't know.
I feel like as a child, you think tunnels are super cool though.
Trails are cool.
Yeah.
I think that might be a rumor is that a bunch of children think those tunnels are not
cool.
Yeah.
That's the rumor.
Yeah.
That's turning out to be a thing these days.
Little kids and grownups.
That's, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Is that always around?
Or is it just, I think it was something
that you had to use.
Yeah.
It was like accepted.
You have a like a child muster in your area
in like the 70s and you'd be like,
yeah, it's the weird guy.
Yeah, yeah, that guy's a weirdo.
Yeah, I don't know if it's accepted.
I swear to God, no one gave a fuck.
In my, yeah, we had some guys hanging around
and everyone was just like, don't go near them.
You're either weird.
I mean, I know that's played a lot.
And my child were ever to be molested.
Might be the last of me.
You see everybody.
Oh yeah, I like that guy.
Someone got your kid, he'd probably fucking up. Unless it was a priest's a priest. You'd like to. There's a video. This guy
who did that. There's a this one guy got accused and was going to trial for molesting his son.
And he waited at the airport when he knew that guy was coming by. Does he know that he's guilty?
Accuser like he's guilty. I think that guy had a feeling he was guilty. I mean, he risks
to have all these shots. He's guilty. Yeah. More power to a feeling he was guilty. I mean, he risks it all, he's shot. He's guilty, you know, more power to him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think you got all out of jail time for it.
You can you know too, when you see the guy,
if he looks a little bit weird,
he looks a little fishy.
Yeah, he did it.
Fuck you.
You ever seen a video of a guy in court
who was like, you're on it, give me five seconds,
but this motherfucker.
I'm saying.
There's been two, I think there's been two different mothers and different things that have
like come in court in a shot, dude.
Just been nice.
I'm saying, do this.
Man, stuff.
I don't, yeah.
And I think the one guy like beat the guy to death with a shovel and just call the cops
to turn himself in.
He was just like, yeah, I just beat the fucking shit out of this guy.
I think.
Hell yeah.
You know, I had a head coach in a basketball in high school. There was one time where
there was a thief issue in the locker room. Someway stealing stuff. My head basketball
coach came in the locker room and talked to us. He's like, hey, if y'all ever find out,
like, who's stealing this shit? Let me know. He's like, well, get him in the locker room.
I'll lock the doors and I'll stay in my door and let y'all beat the shit out of They do look at love this guy, man
Jimmy art man love that guy
You're a fine-themed
Yeah, did you guys ever to get to never found a little lynch?
Never found him that guy was good never found him. Oh, no man damn a little on America
Here we go true
Yeah locker room thief is pretty dastardly stuff.
I don't see how you know teammates.
Yeah, he was like, I hate a thief.
I hate a thief.
I hate a thief.
He can beat his ass.
Let me know if you find him.
I gotta get back to that.
I gotta get back to that.
I was hating thieves.
I hated that.
I hated that.
I would just tolerate like such a bitch.
I'm like, oh, well, whatever.
It's just stuff.
So see, like, anomic situation.
Yeah.
I'm forced to me into this.
I hate a thief, man. I hate thieves. I hate thieves. I hate thieves. I would just tolerate like such a badger, like, oh, well, whatever, just stuff.
Socioeconomic situation.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm forced to mend to this.
I hate a thief, man.
I hate thieves.
I hate thieves, dude.
Chair, or being like, I don't like people
calling me a thief.
Take me to a Walgreens, I'm human about thieves.
Chair, or a thief.
Everything's locked up and I'm human, dude.
I'm still human.
I don't even like to think about it.
It makes me angry.
Chair of the Thevery. Oh, yeah, I used to steal off your eyes. I used to steal a lot of stuff. Yeah, a thief. I was still human. I don't even like to think about it. It makes me angry. Sure of the thievery.
Oh yeah, I just steal off your eyes.
I just steal a lot of stuff.
Yeah, I was a thief.
But always, I was more of a Robin Hood.
You're more Robin Hood.
Where I just give to myself from stories.
I did chill though on the auto checkout.
No more.
That's good.
I hung up the jersey on the self checkout.
I'm like, I'm not doing that anymore.
It's just wrong. It's just wrong
That's just wrong. I was supported. Well, I was always scared to do it, but I was happy for you
It was nice. I didn't like doing it. It became absurd though. I was like, why am I doing this? Yeah, you don't need to I don't need to steal me right now. I know this is ridiculous. It feels good
Getting over on somebody. Yeah, I do like system
breaking when you're like, I'm pretty sure they didn't account for this and
this is how you get around it. It's like, yeah, you scan your product. This guy
supposed to be watching, but like he's talking to a lady. I mean, it's just, yeah. I
do like that. Seeing exactly how, because I think what they're really relying on
is for people to be like, well, I'm not doing that. Because it's just, there's no, it's crazy. Yeah.
But I think they're batting down on that now though. They are. There's always someone there now. Yeah.
They used to never be someone by the self-checkout. Yeah. They've always got an attendant right there.
But they're not really fucking paying attention. Bro, one to the bag. Yeah.
Do you ever choose the self-checkout over the regular one?
Sometimes I prefer not to though. Yeah, I don't trust the subject. I like it either
I don't enjoy doing it especially a grocery stores. I don't know what to do with
Bring it up as a fucking orange and put it
Bring up a PlayStation 5 is orange. I don't even like my kids talking to Alexa bro
Yeah, I don't have the last in the house that thing out of here. Oh, if you're going to Whole Foods
See the new dude that
Box can hand scan you can pay with your fucking hand
Bezos I don't go to Whole Foods. Yeah, it's nice. I like it
Whole food
I live in I live in Wembley, Texas. There's no whole no holes. I'm out in the middle of nowhere now
But I got I got I keep moving further and further away from the city of Austin. That's kind of nice
So now there's not a buckies. There's there's a brook showers. That's good. They do have an HB though. That's a nice
HB nice
It's crazy though everybody goes to HB
Everybody goes to the game shout out James empties out the store nobody goes to broke showers
Yeah, the moving in yeah, I got a broke shires because everybody takes everything in HB
Float
I just like the cows man. I like the cows eating grass. Yeah, I want to go videos those cows and like a fucking box with her legs cut off
Just getting like force fed gruel and I'm like like the grass fed beef Yeah, you you make give you videos of those cows in like a fucking box with her legs cut off just getting like force fed gruel
And I'm like like the grass fed beef. Yeah, you you make hamburgers with those hell. Yeah, it's too lean. You think so. I think it's not as good
true
My opinion I think it's yummy. What do I know I'm not a scientist?
I don't know I here's something that was fun. I watched this documentary last night. It's
called Love His One. Is anybody seen there? No, it's about just a cult. It's great. Oh, nice.
Just a lady who said she was God and a bunch of hippies showed up. Yeah. And she ended up
taking, she was taking silver. She was like, it's a cure all.
Big farmer doesn't want you to know about this cure all.
She just kept taking silver and they're like,
you're gonna turn blue if you keep taking silver.
You're gonna die.
Turn blue.
Yeah, her whole, she turned blue from the silver.
That's a thing.
And then died.
Like how blue are we talking?
The fucking blue at the end.
Like fucking Willy Wonka.
Really?
Like fucking, she smurfed out and died.
But she was also, it's so funny,
because everybody in the documentary
still believes that she was God.
So they're all like, just like, yeah, I mean,
she drank more than anybody could possibly drink.
Alcohol is a medicine if you use it right.
And she was taking all of our pain and sin,
so she needed it.
And then there's just videos just clearly of blacked out drunk lady like,
I said, I want a chicken parm, you motherfucker.
They're like, she did everything.
That's so nice.
She did. She took all the sins on and then just had an army of hippies that would
fucking wait on her.
Is that the blue woman?
They preserved the blue man group.
Oh my God.
Didn't they preserve her dead body?
Yeah. It was in it was in their house. They're like people will believe anything now.
It's kind of crazy.
This is a good one.
The best is her her thing was she had
that she had lived through other people before
and she also had a team of galactic, the oracles.
The oracles.
So, but the oracles weren't like who you think it was.
It wasn't like saints and shit
It was literally it was like Robin Williams is my top Oracle. What Donald Trump?
He's still alive, but he's one of the orcs. He communicates to me. It's so good
They think every cloud is a spaceship. They're like the ships are coming. They're gonna pick us up any day now
It's kind of fun. It looked very fun and they all bro. You're gonna love this documentary
I get a guy shows up
So she always has she's mother got she always has a father God
So whoever she's fucking at the time whichever hippie is now the new father God
But the ultimate father God is still coming finally just a dude that does math
The ponytail it does math shows up
She's like this is definitely father God and all the other hippies are like, fuck this guy sucks. But he's, he's as funny as it gets.
He's literally doing math in front of these people and like being like, turn that fucking
music off, put this on.
He puts on like hardcore metal and it's like,
he's just up to sit there like, oh man.
It's funny how hippies always get cults.
They always fall in.
They're cult up.
And they, yeah, it's really great.
Damn, dude.
That wouldn't be kind of a fun exercise.
You just follow a homeless, like a wildy
schizophrenic homosuit around for the day.
And they, bro, you call the ball.
What are we doing today?
Yeah.
Just make a month out of the day.
And like, what?
It's gonna be meth.
True.
And once you're on meth is, is game on.
Yeah, true.
Then your father got as well.
Then you become father God to another father God.
Now you have a gay sex in a town because you're on meth.
And it's cold out.
Yeah, fuck.
But the methyl keep you warm.
At hopes.
You can sprint.
Oh, warm up.
Take some meth.
Sprint down the street.
Do suicide until it's not cold.
But yeah, I suggest you give that show a watch.
It's I got yours.
It's on HBL.
Oh, another thing I got into this is exciting stuff.
True detective season four came out.
How is it?
Ooh, you wanted kick ass women.
You got it.
Is it?
Don't worry.
You wanted kick ass women. Here we go. Is it real? Don't worry, you wanted kick ass women.
Here we go.
Now they've infiltrated true detective
and Botflock's true detective.
What do you leave your detective on?
True detective's on HBO.
Season one's one of the greatest seasons of television.
Whenever.
Do they feel like a sex scene right away?
They do have a pretty good sex scene.
I will say so the one kick ass woman's,
I believe a Native American,
cause it's in Alaska.
For sure.
It's in Alaska.
So she's like a inuit.
Yeah.
Or whatever.
Yeah, let's first nations.
There you go.
Straight or less?
Don't say ask a mile a minute.
Don't you dare bro.
She, at first glance you would say clearly a lesbian, not, what?
Not a lesbian.
And the whole time was kind of like, God, I don't like her.
Then she has a sex scene where she's, she rides a guy and fucking forces him to cream
fire.
That was, why do you, to throw a force cream by into there?
Yeah, I was kind of like, that's aggressive.
That was the other way around.
That'd be a real problem.
If a girl was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you shut the fuck up.
Yeah, true.
But...
Yeah, but no panel.
No panel of our peers is gonna rule against that.
You can't.
They're gonna go like, yeah, it is very stupid.
Fucking so fucking hot.
It was so hot, dude.
Yeah, dude, it's awesome.
I was, yeah, I was laying on that couch.
I was like, ooh, I didn't know this was gonna happen tonight.
Damn.
What did the guy, was the guy fighting it always, you're like fine.
He did try to fight it off and she fucking grabbed him
by the throat and made him pie, dude.
Or the force pie, yeah.
I'm fighting that for a takeable,
I'll make a break.
It was awesome.
With the times we're in.
We are in some interesting times,
but I was disappointed.
Force pie is kind of wholesome in terms of the shit
that's on TV right now.
True.
You see the fucking news, the news even clock the shit that's on TV right now. True. You see the fucking news.
The New Year's Eve clock is one of my favorite things right now.
So CNN, CNN does the New York, when the ball drops.
So it's showing the countdown.
It's on CNN.
It's like three, two, one, happy New Year.
Then the camera just cuts to the Iracial dudes kissing.
So 20, 20, so good. And there's a guy. It's an international dudes kissing. So, 2020.
It's so good.
And there's a guy, it's just a bunch of TikToks and reels
of people watching it like, yeah.
What the fuck?
God damn it.
Dude, I can't ever make it to New Year's.
I'm like in bed, but like 10 already knocked out.
That's the best.
I don't know if New Year's dudes. Oh, I can't do it. This New Year's. I'm like in bed, but like 10 already knocked out. It's the best.
I had a rough New Year's, dude.
Oh, I can't do it.
This was the first one I stayed up.
But I didn't even see the ball drop right in the middle.
No, I don't even recall the ball drop.
I was wandering on mushrooms.
I was just walking around.
You were father God.
I was father God.
Wait till you see father God, dude.
It's awesome.
It's just a guy who's been in and out of jail. Just a beast.
Method just rolled up on a cult. He said that with the best is how he decided
he's the man. He's like, so he goes to this cult. He's out. He's working in the
yard. He's like raking leaves. And he's like, nah, I just looked around. I was like,
fuck this. He's like, through the breakdown. I was like, I'm the man. And all the
hippies were like, oh,
it seems like out there, that's all you got to do, right?
Yeah, it was the strongest one.
What happens if like another dude's like, no, I'm the man.
Is that happened or?
Yeah, there is.
The last father God before him was, he was kind of like, dude, come on.
I should be father God.
Please let me continue to fuck you.
That's not how I picture it
Yeah, they're just trying to talk it through he tried to talk he cucked out. It's it was sad. Oh
He's not meant to be father God. He's not sure they did find the correct father God. He had that good silver pussy, too
Yeah, that's him. He fucking rules
Fuck you're gonna get a good look at that guy
Your face on that he literally had to wear an ankle brace at the whole time.
Did he really?
Yeah.
He was on what, like probation or parole?
I don't know.
When he's doing the interviews during the documentaries
in a hotel with an ankle bracelet.
What?
And he has to continuously call his probation place
and be like, I'm at this hotel.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
How do they like find these people to and then decide they're going to do a documentary?
I think it comes from well this lady was a big deal because it was it was weird. They went
into a house where like 15 people were living and they found a blue lady wrapped in Christmas lights
that they were like she's coming back alive don't touch her.
Didn't they not expect any of that stuff to happen or something.
What?
Didn't they not expect that?
I heard when they started that, they didn't know it was like the Blue Lady existed.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Oh, the documentary.
I thought it was a surprise.
It could be wrong, but someone told me that they were just like filming this weird documentary
and all of a sudden there's a Blue Lady and like, what the fuck is this?
Maybe.
It could be wrong.
Maybe when they started filming, they were like, this is just a crazy cult and then at
the end. Damn, she did turn blue.
Fuck.
It's scary when they show her laying in bed.
Yeah, dude.
She had blue face.
It seems like a live laying in bed would scare me.
We can't leave her.
Yeah.
It's another funny one though.
It's like an aquapulco.
Yeah, yeah.
She's a yellow man at the end.
Got turns yellow from John this.
That's not track himself to death
He's for real turned into homie Simpson. He's like oh
The worst of all time I've ever seen was the HBO documentary I was telling you to watch where they followed heroin addicts for I it was like 25 years and then the other guy
I was really sad one of the guy spoole or one of the guy dies
Dude they show his body and he was lying dead in a house for 10 days and his body exploded
They swell and then they pop and they just showed this exploded body. You know what the I still I still can't like not see it
It's not maybe like
Blue lady did you could have like blue lady be nice. Wait that one not that one I did watch
I didn't make it to the exploded body. It was too sad.
Love has won.
Love has won.
More of a love is blind kind of guy.
True.
Twins flames was nice too.
I didn't see the whole thing.
They talk about twin flames in this.
Do they really?
Yeah.
Twins flames are like I'm trying to find my twin flame.
This thought was on the twin flame thing.
Twin flames was bullshit compared to that though.
That's the real deal. Lady drinking silver method.
Twin flames was just people would trick the girls
into being like, you want to find true love?
And they're like, yes.
Yeah.
I think they made people like trans.
Like, we don't have enough girls.
You got to train.
You don't have guys.
You got to trans.
They're just poking them up.
That's awesome though.
Kind of tight.
Force trans is sick.
Force trans for love.
God, I can't wait to have kids.
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't a guy who did like that one Bitcoin thing or part of that Twin Flames thing or something?
Props. The guy, oh, the bankman, Sam Bankman freed. Because I think they're like saying he's like
anti-human like all those guys are like anti-humanists like a twin flames are kind of anti-humanists.
Anti-human.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Mary.
You're taking their ass off the floor at the bottom of the stool.
Anti-human movement is crazy.
Yeah.
What do you mean like human shit and exist?
Yeah, like I'm going to turn off the bike.
Like if you want to eradicate humans.
Yeah, there's like, there's like a hardcore environmentalist
that are on that bullshit.
Well, come on now.
How do I get that's bullshit?
How is it bullshit?
What do you mean?
I'm saying that's bullshit, I'm saying.
How's the fucking love it?
How you gonna be an anti-human human?
There's a bunch of dudes.
How you gonna be an anti-human human, bro?
Yeah, you can't.
Sorry, sorry guys, you lose.
Let's kill yourself. I'm inspired. I'm about to go home and start a podcast. human, bro. Yeah, you can't sorry. Sorry guys. You lose let's kill yourself
I'm inspired. I'm about to go home and start a podcast. Yeah, it's better bro. You should that is what we like to do
We like to inspire that in people they go god damn anyone can do this, huh?
I'll do this so easy
Just talk about shit you watched. Yeah, start the pod. Sorry dude. Everyone should do a pod. Maybe it's like military service
Who do you have down here that would be your,
who would be your bro?
Are you going single?
You're going solo?
Brian, Brian goes solo.
I don't have any bros.
You don't have any bros?
No bros, man.
My kids are my bros.
Why are you hanging out with, hang out with us?
Yeah, come chill.
That's why I hit you up, buddy.
Yeah, I hit you up.
You're like, you're like, you're more
than a joke with a podcast.
Yeah, sure.
What's video games?
The only problem is I have Starlink and it's not best
for the, uh, Starlink? It's not best for the game streaming.
Well, Starlink. Starlink.
Yes, Elon Musk.
Oh, you're on the Starlink.
It's actually a good talk about Starfield, the video game.
Oh, that's like, I was gonna start playing Starlink.
I was internet. So when you're out in the country and you can't get anything else,
you get like satellite internet and so far, it's been probably the best that I've
had when you're kind of remote.
That's tight.
But it comes and goes, right?
But no, actually, I feel like they kind of have to sober recently.
So my internet has stopped working.
And of course, I'm blaming my nine-year-old.
I'm like, what'd you do?
Because he destroys everything.
He's like, and it turns out he's like, sorry, through the football the other day,
and it hit the router.
Oh, that's okay.
But it wasn't even him.
So, so they said, you can't even call support.
You got to do it through the app.
So they like hit me up on the app and they're like,
yep, you got a bad ethernet cable.
We'll send you a new one.
And internet one working for like three days.
The day the cable gets there, my internet's working.
I didn't change the cable.
Now my internet's working fine.
I haven't changed the cable at all.
So I'm like, I think you guys just kind of,
I don't know, maybe you need an internet somewhere else.
You're fucking cut mine.
Yeah, well don't they say the more people who get
Starlink the better it'll be or something?
I've heard they're like more people get it
and satellites will send it.
All know is it takes like two months
before you actually get it. So is it free?
No, it's expensive as shit. It's like, I mean, monthly, monthly is not that bad, but yeah,
it's like $500 or whatever it is to get the equipment and everything. Oh, really?
Takes forever to get out there. But isn't this whole mission of getting free internet to everyone?
Yeah. That's a whole mission. I'm gonna get free internet to everyone. Like sign up once it gets
big. It's gonna be so cheap. Well, it's definitely not fucking free. Okay. So I don't Yeah, that's a whole mission. He's like I'm gonna get free internet that everyone like sign up once this gets big
It's gonna be so good. Well, it's definitely not fucking free. Okay, so I don't know what that's about
But it's the best I can do right now, but I would I try to fight somebody when you have C5 the other day and
My punches are like coming in not when I'm pressing the button in a name like you have C5
I just love beating the shit
Like you have to do it. I'll you up
I've only got against the computer on legendary you know
I can be a new contender in the house
Well, I tried to find you father God you might be
I tried to find online but
The lag is just shit so I was like like, fuck, I can't do it.
I gotta wait.
Yeah, yeah, it's a frustrating game to have shooting internet on.
But you know, it also probably didn't help my starlings
on the fucking ground just in the driveway point up in the sky.
I'm renovating my house, so we're staying in this little apartment
above the fucking garage.
You're going through a renovation right now?
Yeah.
Bro, you're going through, that's the fucking brutal.
Yeah, that's a shit show right now. I got five people standing. We
only got one bedroom and then the living room kitchen. My kids are just
staying on the fucking kids are staying on the couch. The sectional but they
love it. You know, we go to Airbnb a day after we're there. They're like, can we
go home? Yeah, true. They all got their own rooms there being be, but they just
want to be with their stuff, man. We got their bikes and shit. Yeah, dude
We did a renovation my wife was pregnant
We were on an air mattress in an apartment and she every morning I'd watch her like do a push up to get off the air mattress
And I was like god I'm such a piece
Lily's got a bed. It's kind of tight
I do miss my bed my back hurts anytime I sleep anywhere else. Yeah, I got the temper pete joints
How long how long,
how long, how long are you on the rental?
What's the timeline going?
Who fucking knows?
It was nine months like nine months ago.
So, oh, God, I don't know, but I've been changing shit.
It's partially my fault.
So I got to have my man cave right, dude.
Try to get it right the first time.
True.
And it's not exactly cheap to do.
That's hard.
That's hard on the relationship, dude.
Women's, women's environment, especially their house is like, when you just turn around, you're fucks and sucks for everybody, that's hard to do. That's hard to do. That's hard to do. That's hard to do. That's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
That's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do.
Dude, that's hard to do. Dude, that's hard to do. Dude, that's hard to do. Dude, that's hard to do. Dude, that's hard to do. Dude, that's hard to do. Dude, that's hard to do. I've witnessed couples just explode during renovations. I can't always take longer than you think.
I would never handle it well.
Bro, it's tough.
Because the woman's gonna make changes.
If you don't handle it well,
that's what I'm telling you.
You're gonna be in trouble.
Because she definitely is not gonna do it well.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
She's not gonna handle it well,
and I'm not good at understanding
when people are acting irrationally.
My wife told me this morning,
she's like, hey,
call Corey, he was our project manager.
She's like, call Corey and get him
to turn the fucking water on.
And I was like, I just didn't say anything
because they literally told us to turn the water off
because our house is exposed.
I'm like, I know we're not gonna be able to do this.
I'm not even gonna ask him, but.
You're a firewall for like six months,
you gotta be like, okay, I hear you on that.
And then you, I don't know, I'll talk to them.
I didn't say anything.
I didn't say where, I just didn't say anything. When I no, I'll talk to them. I didn't say I didn't say
When I don't know what to say, I just don't say anything. It's really better that way I just walk off and go put dishes in the day
I gotta start doing that I mean well you can't do that. Not saying anything just turn around and walk out of the room
I'm gotten good at it if you if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all
So now I'm gonna come better about it true wish have nothing nice, say don't say it at all. So now I've come better about it.
True.
Wish that would have happened while I was in the league,
but it's coming a little late.
Like you're fine, dude.
Yeah.
You did some cool stuff.
Yeah, dude, I like that though.
I'm gonna start now just being like,
listen, I hear what you're saying,
and then it's walking away.
No, don't even say that.
Just don't say it.
Just look at the ground. Act like you're doing something. They walk off. I hate feasts. I have a question
for you. What's up? Is it true that, uh, when you gave a statement, gave real Davis
cried because he was so pro science? No. Um, let me tell you some, the majority of our
locker room wasn't gave, wasn't the Davis cry when you gave that speech. He's probably crying of joy
Just hoping this gets back to him. He gets a game's one of the fucking dudes gave is the bro
Let me tell you something. He's one of my favorite teammates of a rad
dudes, so
First off when rookies come in they usually fucking suck right mentally and
when Rookie's come in, they usually fucking suck, right? Mentally.
And dude came in, learned the offense,
faster than anybody I've ever seen at one,
to he knew more than I did about the offense
in like three weeks.
He already knew a better than I did.
I'm one of those guys that's like,
hey, put me in at the F and don't move me anywhere.
Let me learn one spot and that's it.
Gabe learned all the fucking positions.
Wow.
So dude was dedicated, you know.
Big fan day.
Any works hard, so you usually don't,
usually rookies are like lazy.
Like, I think the world's gonna get handed to him
right when they come in, especially now.
It's a little different now than what it was
when I first came in, but.
Yeah, what's the shock like coming from college at the NFL?
It's got the fucking nuts.
Well, I quit and went home as a rookie at first.
So it was pretty big for me.
And my situation was just like, I came in undrafted free agent.
And people asked me, they were like,
did you think you weren't going to make it?
Garrett even asked me when I went in the office and told him.
But I was like, no, I actually think I am going to make it.
That's the problem.
I don't think I want to, you know, but it was just going from a little on, which is a
small town to SMU.
Nobody cares about football there.
And then you're at Dallas.
I slip up and say one thing and then they twist your words and like make it something else.
I said that, you know, they were comparing me to West Walker.
I was like, uh, you know, West Walker is good.
And you know, I was actually a huge fan of him.
Loved his game, watched it.
But I was like, I think I could play a little bit more outside,
you know, they took that as Cole Beasley says he's better
than West Walker.
And after that, and I don't like a lot of attention.
You know, I know it's hard to believe after all the shit
that's been going down, but I didn't like a lot of attention
at the time.
And then after that
Media would just went fucking bananas
That and then I have
Already know this but I've a coach tell me he's like hey every day you can't have one-off day
You got to like go above and beyond and make plays or else your ass is fucking gone. I'm like all right, dude
Like I know and then after a while I started like waking up and every morning
I would like throw up because I didn't want to do shit. I was like just...
Yeah, tear it up.
It would be terrifying.
So I took my ass home.
I was like, ain't fucking doing this.
This isn't a healthy, went home.
Then my dad and my mom were at the house in Dallas.
Camp was in Oxnard, California.
So I flew home.
By the time I flew home, they had already driven from this area to there and they were there
slept and then my dad gave me a stern talking
for two hours and next morning. I was like,
all right, I'll go back. I went back for them.
I didn't really go back for myself.
And it's awesome.
And it's awesome.
That's awesome.
Good thing you went back.
Yeah, I worked out.
Bullshit.
What a mean way to coach by the way,
that I feel like that can't work.
Being like, if you fuck up, I'm fucking firing.
Pretty much.
I don't know if you fucking know. Like, you guys didn't want me really. I didn't think that can't work. Being like, if you fuck up, I'm fucking firing. Pretty much, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like saw the NFL for what it was was like I'm undrafted. I'm not going to get to play
And Miles Miles is great dude great fucking player when he was healthy
At the time he was like hobbling around on a hamstring and dealing with it. I was like dude like
Like am I gonna get to fucking go in there or what but
Whoever's getting paid the most money is yeah, who's in the fucking you gotta wait your turn
That's the only thing I hated about the NFL, but I
Got my chance so it was like I was inactive for like three games and after that
They kept telling me they're like we're gonna find a way to get you in there. So then I would just be I would go in an empty
On third downs and catch a third down make a first down and come right back out the game
I'd do that for two years.
They actually got to start, but it was cool, but that's the hardest fucking way to ever
play. It's like, you just got to be ready. And then when you go in there, when I get in
there, they're throwing me the fucking ball. So I was like, fuck, I can't fuck this up.
Oh, there we go. So you just sat there the whole time like fucked in like 20 and
any second. And then it's like, yo, what's tough? But I was fortunate enough to get lucky enough to make those plays and then got my shot after that.
That's sick.
Shot was awesome.
It was cool as fucking dude, everything.
Yeah, I love that.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
But yeah, that was a deal.
How do you feel about it?
How nice is it feel to catch the TD?
Catch a touchdown in a game.
Yeah.
That's pretty fucking wild.
The whole game in general is a super addicted.
That's why it's it's like, you know, they, they try to get you prepared for
retirement because there's nothing to, to simulate that.
And then you prepare you as much as you want to.
But once it happens, it's like, where am I going to get that fucking rush
rub until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, until, We're going to get that fucking rush for up until yeah till a podcast to look up to the coach is fucking yelling at you that
You're getting special treatment because you play in the league and you're like shit up man
The rush back. I'll fucking kill you
It's not the same, but it's a close second. You just start running routes
Since I left the Giants I haven't touched a weight buddy. Yeah, I haven't touched a weight, buddy. Yeah. I haven't touched one.
Me neither.
Once you left, I was like, I'm done.
Oh, buddy.
I knew it.
It was over.
It's a wrap.
Yeah, but now you've got your son.
You can coach to who you can just follow his career.
I'm going to do that, but I don't want to be like, you know, I don't want to live through
him.
You're going to be so sick. You know, I tried to try to teach him the ways want to be like, you know, now you're gonna I don't want to live through I mean how you gonna know you're so sick
Let me do them. Yeah, I tried to try to teach him the ways of my hey be a nice person outside of the field
You get on that field be a fucking asshole
It's hard to tell a kid that yeah, but
Chill it's good times. Well, if you don't like the way places don't talk to him
Yeah, just give him silent treatment until he's ready to play. I don't want to exactly how the game should be played.
You do that.
They absolutely will fucking hate it.
It's the problem.
Yeah, stuff.
I see a high way.
We, we, a friend whose dad would just like,
we'd play basketball and he'd just be like,
that was terrible.
Well, and I just be sitting in the back of the big.
You weren't any good either.
I'm like, oh, we'd be out of this.
You're guys this thing.
I'm, I'm chillin that.
Yeah, I got in trouble when eighth grade, during a loss, a coach came in the locker room,
I was like, oh, you think you think you're so fucking cool.
That's when eighth grade, you're a 45-year-old man.
Wow.
That is not, I did like that.
You can get lost, you can get lost,
coaching kids, you can get lost into being like,
oh, and you're the cool one, huh?
Oh, yeah, well, you quickly quickly be you go down to their level. It's the same guys though who it is kind of like fucking now
I'm talking to the therapist. Yeah, so you go to watch a 12 year old
Just like what the fuck's wrong with you just cuz you're fucking handsome
You can get away with everything. Oh dude. It's even worse when it's your own
When you're coaching your own and it's way harder because everybody else you're just like whatever but then yours fucks up You're like hey dude get this get this fucking shit together
Someone I knew his dad was coaching like summer league basketball and purposely in the playoffs
They didn't tell three of the worst kids about the playoffs. So they didn't show
Also, we didn't have to play. Oh, that's awesome
That's a great move. Sometimes you've got to play those fucking...
It's just like summer-leaf ads, give all.
I was one of the kids that had to be played in summer league.
Oh, the Hattie-Goyne?
Oh, it's so fun.
I remember just sitting on the bench being like,
please don't fucking put me in.
Oh, no.
I can't play.
We were on a good team. And it was in Harrisburg and we were like the only white team.
In summary it was a hot fucking terrible gym.
Yeah, the gym.
And I was just sitting there just like, oh man, if I get in everyone in this whole gym
is going to make fun of me.
Throughout that I have a basketball.
It would be like a minute left.
I'd be like, go in there. I'm like like, go in the air bowl of free throw.
Check back out.
Yeah.
Hey, at least you stuck it out, man.
You finished the season.
I fit. Yeah.
That a boy.
I finished that season.
Did you not play ever again?
No, I kept playing after that.
That was just that particular summer league was tough.
It's cool.
The all black team summer league was.
It's scary. For basketball. Played Somalia, it was, it's scary.
Basketball.
Played a lot of AAU basketball, growing up.
Basketball was, you know,
probably like basketball more arguably more than football.
Really?
Yeah.
Basketball was my jam.
Really?
What was your position?
Point guard.
Point guard.
PG.
BG.
Damn, that's basketball is my favorite sport to play now. So fun. BG. Damn, that's a basketball. It's my favorite sport to play now.
It's so fun.
Just tough at 5'8 now.
I hear you brother.
Oh my cousins are like 6'6".
I grew up playing with them.
Yeah.
6'6 lucky guys.
They're big boys.
6'3, 6'4, 6'6".
Yeah.
I was just 6'8".
I would have tried to play Q.
You've been Calvin Johnson.
That was awesome. You would have tried to play Q even Calvin Johnson.
You're a mega trot. I always try to play quarterback real cool. Awesome. I play quarterback in high school
Did you really? Yeah, there's nothing better than having the ball in your hands every play?
I never had the ball my hands once. Yeah, I don't I couldn't play football like that. I'm gonna be honest. I don't know how long I can do. My whole family's off into alignment.
My sister.
Now all my uncles, everybody's aligned.
So it was always like, you're gonna be alignment.
Nothing I had a choice, but it was, yeah.
And it is funny how much of it
to completely different sported us.
I actually played O-Line my first year of football.
Got moved after the first game
Away from O line after the first game must not have been very good. Yeah
My nine-year-old is thousand times more physical than I was that's good. Yeah, I was always a little bitch
Made a living in the NFL out of avoiding hits that's good
I'm not hitting anybody.
Who's your favorite wider receiver of all time?
Of all time, Randy Moss.
Randy Moss.
Easily.
Yeah, nice.
Randy Moss.
AKA Super Freak.
It's my guy.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Straight cash, homie.
Straight cash, homie.
I wish he would have played what I wanted.
He was a Notre Dame guy.
He was going to Notre Dame.
He was.
That would have been nice.
I'm a Notre Dame fan. That would have been very nice. He was going to know it. He was that would have been nice. I'm a no damn fan
Don't have been very nice. This is Zach Martin. Zach Martin rules. Let's go. How you gonna be a cowboy fan before it's over with I
Mean if the Eagles continue to do it. They don't oh, you're a bandwagoner, huh? Yeah, let's go booze
No, I want a super bowl for them so bad, but then I don't at the same time. So I'm like, fuck, why couldn't we do it when I was there?
True.
Yeah, it's like I got mixed feelings about it.
I want the, I want the bros to get a super bowl, but then I'm like,
oh, man, you're going to be running brats back yours.
Why this year?
True.
Yeah.
No, I text being as soon as I got to go from the giants, but he said,
I'll keep your mind.
I knew with that man.
Yeah. Yeah,ants, but he said I'll keep your mind. I knew what that meant. Yeah
So what do you do to keep the fucking flame burning inside your your recently down with the NFL? It's pretty recent right?
Yeah, I'm still freaking it out. Thanks for reminding me right now. No, what are you doing?
Like you're going to keep it going. It's all in your mind, dude. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not
It's all in your mind, dude. I know how the NFL works.
Just going to ultimate frisbee.
They decided after COVID, I was a peace squad player only.
I've been battling a bill ever since.
I see what you're saying.
I'm like over it.
I'm like, all right, fuck you guys.
You're not going to let me play them out.
Yeah, but what if, okay, yeah, that's bullshit.
So it's fucking nonsense.
Can you just play, though?
Is there other places you can play?
I'm telling you, when I,
so when I asked for my release from the bills,
no way in hell I thought no one was gonna sign me, right?
I got nothing to a peace squad from me begging Brady
to get me there, you know?
Yeah.
And Brady's like, all right,
and then got me there and then I played like two plays
a game for two weeks.
I was like, fuck, this shit, I'm out.
Yeah.
I wanted to play the whole time.
I thought Godwin was going to be hurt for a little longer and he came back quick as
fuck next week.
I was like, well, shit, he's getting paid 18 million.
I know how this goes.
I'm out of here.
Yeah, Joe.
Yeah.
Some motherfucking bull shit.
Yeah, you could you could find competitive outlets.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm telling you ultimate recipe just come in and watch people
I don't want to do fucking chill. Just
Don't say a word to anybody just get on the field and go fucking nuts on people
They wouldn't know ultimate frisbee dudes would not know who you were
Yo, this fucking guy
There's snagging shit.
Yeah.
This is torching dudes on routes.
Just, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I don's way worse than playing it. Those dudes never go home. Yeah, never
fucked up. Sorry.
I refuse.
Yeah, that's why they all look like shit.
I don't do with bosses either.
Like someone telling me what to do all day. I just don't want to do that. I want to be my own boss.
So if I'm going to coach, I want to be the head fucking coach. Yeah.
That's why it took over a flag football squad, bro.
Sure.
Nobody's out there telling me what to do.
No one's gonna give you any shit.
Even the parents, they just leave me alone.
You know, most people are like the parents suck for a little league.
I was like, really?
Cause in flag, they left me the fuck alone,
let me do it the fuck I do.
I mean, you got the ring, dude.
Say the ring on this.
What are you gonna say?
Can you imagine me to be a dabby?
Like actually, I think we should throw up. Yeah. Oh, wait, you say the rain on this. What are you gonna say? Can you imagine me and daddy like actually?
I think we should throw up the next to be like,
oh wait, you played 11.
Yeah.
I mean, here's where you and the NFL, I forget.
Yeah, I guess I should listen to you.
Highest I would go is high school, bro.
It's probably it.
High school, we fun it.
High school, it's really fun especially down here.
I don't want to teach anybody though, I don't want to teach.
That's like a rule, you know,
unless you go to like a private school.
Oh, you got to teach. Usually you got to teach. Maybe there's a way around it. I don't know to teach. That's like a rule, you know, unless you go to like a private school. Oh, you got a teacher. You got a teacher's a way around it. I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
My dad was a science teacher.
Well, yeah.
Well, he had coach and then he got the he got the job finally of PE. That's ideal.
PE,
dodgeball every day.
Yeah.
I don't care what you guys do. Just fucking move around.
Right? He's nice. He's got a, yeah, not be a pig. You just got to force the kids to shower and stay in the
yeah, Jim. Yeah, Jim or yeah, Jim teachers often have sex with girls, which is illegal. Oh, no.
Hey, dude, dude, if you had a pick a class who has sex with the kids most, it is the gym teacher,
dude. I mean, their jobs are so physical. Yeah, you're interested and they gotta talk about you
Man anime. Yeah, it's nothing you can do
Raise your hand if you have a
Looks like you were studying
I noticed all your breasts are coming in nicely
What's this podcast gig like though?
What's this?
Yeah, how's it?
It's pretty fun.
You get, I mean, what's the money like?
Do you get anything off of it somehow?
Money, yeah.
How's that work?
We get like,
I'm building that whole new kit.
So, I'm not going to be.
Yeah, we're fucking those b-square guys up pretty bad.
Fuck.
Are you still solid, buddy? No, it's great. I'm not saying it's not. Yeah, we're fucking those b squad guys are pretty bad
Still solid money is no, it's great. I'm not saying it's not because because this piecewise, I'm not great, but you know, no, yeah
I'll tell you after Love that all right, actually I'd give this comedy money should be good now
I'm gonna be so sick a big Netflix
Netflix comedy comedy money's good Yeah, it's probably so sick. A big Netflix comedy. Comedy money's good.
Yeah.
It's working out.
Money is good.
Saw you with a Bud Light being ill,
I wouldn't, didn't take you for one of those,
but what's going on?
What's going on?
What's going on there?
Bud Light rules.
Bud Light's back.
Is it?
How's it back?
I'll tell you after.
All right. All right, that's back. Is it the house it back? I'll tell you after. All right.
You know what?
Actually, I don't even remember if it was buttlight.
Pretty sure I had a buttlight deal at a point.
And Buffalo, I had a billboard.
But I don't even remember if it was buttlight.
Dude, my marketing guy just comes to me with shit
and I'm like, tell me where to sign, buddy.
I bet it was, I think the NFL is buttlight.
Oh, so it probably was buttlight. It so probably was but like it well then they you know
Did what they did they fucking ruined it now they didn't ruin it
Are they making a comeback they're making it come back. Okay, if they're making it they're they're writing the wrongs
We're we're all right. They are doing the right thing. Okay. Yeah, I'll wait. I'll wait for that moment to support them
High level corporate warfare stuff a lot of a lot of people understand.
Right now I'm with Kid Rock.
I'm out here with AKs.
Just fucking I got bad news.
We kid Kid Rock still sips the Bud lights.
Did he?
He's a closeted Bud Light man.
You know what?
I've seen pictures of him.
You know, it's on like a vampire.
He goes back to the room as long as the people, as long as the
people don't know, you know, but you just fucking told them so
There we go. There's pictures online of him. Okay, damn
We'll break the damn more break the bros. I haven't seen much on I just recently came back to Twitter and I've been pretty active
Just talking talking about shit
It's good to get back in Twitter. It's good to get back in the shit talking, you know
You buddy fuck you get back to it. It's good to get back in Twitter. It's good to get back in the shit talking you know
Yes, that's actually really fun. I guess it's not Twitter anymore. It's X it is X true. I
Called the same shit. Yeah, I don't why they switched name they could have kept it as just Twitter. It's Elon's Elon's now true fucking
SpaceX all that Asian town square. What do we do without a bunch of fucking morons yelling at each other?
Yeah, we need the information town square.
We need this fucking platform.
Yeah, I guess the people that say that are all
the self-important people on Twitter.
Yeah, they're like, we need this.
It's like, no, you need this.
No, right, five paragraphs about the Iowa caucus.
Nobody, like, nobody agrees.
Nobody agrees with each other on there.
It's not, I mean, it's just a place for people to fucking bitch and argue.
Yeah.
Now it's getting rowdy.
Now you get on Twitter.
It's fucking beheadings.
I'm here for it.
You know, I like seeing people argue.
I like watching people argue for sure.
The air and Roger Schoon on McCaffee was great.
He's back though.
It was great. He was back. Yeah. I was back on the next. I'm gonna be honest. I was pissed
at first. I texted Aaron and I was like, what the fuck is McAfee doing? Yeah. And he brought
him back. Look, all right. He's still cool. The next day. It was the next day. He's still
cool. All right. That's kind of tight. Which I, yeah, you can't stop Tuesday. So the
Aaron Rodgers Tuesday. Can't do it. You can't. Yeah, they have more. You have to bring
Aaron Rodgers right back on the next day
Yeah, it was so funny. I was so happy and they say he's like he's back on
Reading articles. I'm like, oh, okay cool. That's like he's back
By the way, you're gonna he snacks back there. I'm fucking star. We can get some snacks here for sure
All we have is fucking dumb meat
All you have is meat. You have no like snack. We're trying to do this fucking carnival diet. Matt's actually doing it
I've
Rich Ritz.
Rich Pino Buttercrackers. I can get you some peanut butter crackers. Yeah, there's some girlfriend fire
So good, dude. All right, Cole. Thank you, brother. Yeah. Oh, it's over. Yeah, it's over. I was gonna snack while we talked
We can do it. We'll do another one. What the fuck is that? You guys can head off.
It's the money, make it run.
That's the money.
All right, let's do it.
Now you can say whatever you want.
It's behind a pay wall.
I already did.
All right.