Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 478 - Gone Boy (feat. Jon DelCollo)
Episode Date: January 24, 2024Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Jon @ patreon.com/lilstinkers And Go See Him at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin TX this weekend https://www.capcitycomedy.com/events/82504 Go S...ee Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch YO. wutz guud. The D.A.W.G.Z. have with a hot cast for you! This week we're joined by our day 1 bro Jonathan Del Collo. Another little piece of home joining us in Austin TX :) Please enjoy. God Bless. New customers can score $200 instantly in bonus bets for throwing down just $5 on the NFL. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app & use code DRENCHED Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED Visit https://try.babbel.com/drenched for 55% off your babbel subscription!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Is that not the no, this is not not the but that's a fair guess. I know you you do know me. Thank you
John Doe Collins here. I'll start. Thanks for having me fellas John. Look at that. Look at this
I didn't even notice your fucking drip dude. You like it. You probably don't I like it. Yeah, nice
These are the perfect airport pants. What you got?
You can
Oh, yeah You can hide in the airport you're gonna take them off
They're just
You for real should zip those off going through TSA
True put them put them in the yeah put them in the container. You could probably take your dick out TSA big
I didn't know I thought you
So many zippers on this thing dude. I don't know getting the fucking scanner thing is take your pants all the way down
So serve it. Yeah, you could easily trying to comply. I'm just so many rules here. I always forget
Then they'd find out they'd be like I'm looking at your schedule. You fly
You've been pulling your dick out on TSA every single week
It'd be a good way to see from edge on them. He's so funny. Yeah, like when I got random the other day
I should just my guy my bad. Just like took my so funny. Yeah, like when I got random the other day, I should have just went right in my bed and
just like took my pants off and I'm like, well, I don't know.
I didn't really shower this morning, so get in there boys, it's gonna be rough.
What do they do to you for the Rando?
Nothing, they just put me through the fucking scanner.
I have TSA pre-check, so they put me.
Oh yeah.
They didn't let me go through the metal detector.
Pre-check, you're allowed to go through metal detector unless you get scanned.
Well, if you get it, yeah, randomized, like toss you through there.
It might be the most lazy thing I've done in my life is still not get through.
Yeah. Really?
I would still haven't got it.
I fly every five.
Every yeah.
Multiple times a week.
Yeah.
I would never.
The Brittany literally picked me up and was like, just go in this building.
I'm like, I don't have time for this.
It was five minutes.
You never need it.
In Philly, you do.
Philly is that up dude.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Philly is shit.
I just like going,
I like going just through the metal detector.
Yeah, of course.
That's the best part.
So.
It is nice, but every time I think about getting it,
I'm like, I've never,
Yeah.
I've never needed it.
You can't just do it online.
You have to show up to an office.
You gotta show up to an office.
And get approved.
That's how clear it gets you.
Yeah, clear lets you do the airport.
You want clear?
You're like, I'm here early.
I'll sign up.
Yeah.
How much is it?
Like $900 a month.
That's fine.
I'll just cancel after the 30 days.
Is it that expensive?
It actually is expensive.
Really?
I think they've voted.
It's not $900 a month.
Obviously, Sean.
Thank you.
Well, if you wanted to get the facts straight, I understand. You are the lifeblood of the truth of this podcast, Sean. Thank you. Wow. He wanted to get the facts straight. I understand.
You are the lifeblood of the truth of this podcast, Sean. You and LaMaire.
Although LaMaire has a tenuous relationship with the truth.
LaMaire, wait, you gotta tell him how.
I'm sorry.
Why? Why does LaMaire fit?
No, I was saying he's a fool by the document. Yeah.
Oh yeah.
But you went to Jiu Jitsu yesterday, right?
Yeah, I went to Tensepun in Jiu Jitsu.
Yes.
It was pretty fun.
I saw Justin Gaichi there, I had to act like I didn't see him.
That's awesome.
Really?
It was pretty cool.
Yeah, I was like, oh fuck.
Seeing Gaichi is neat.
Yeah.
And then especially you get to train in front of him. Yeah. Did you get to go?
No, no, no, he was on the other side.
He was kickboxing.
So fuck.
You sure got over there and fucking said, what's good?
Dude, what's good?
Say you're the real BMF.
Yeah.
You're the black motherfucker.
Yeah.
The real BMF.
The real BFF.
The real BFF.
What are you doing there?
Was that your first time?
This gym, it was just basically like training,
rolling and stuff.
Yeah, I didn't know anything.
I would like to see that.
I was delighted upon your arrival when you came back
because before you left, I've met the confidence through the roof.
But he was going to, he was like,
I'm going to 10th planet and then I walk outside,
he's smoking a blunt.
And I was like, man, you can't smoke a blunt
before you're big training.
And he was like, here's what's gonna happen.
He goes, here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna go in there, they're gonna put me
in a beginners class, I'm gonna fucking tap
like two or three people.
They're gonna move me up to the thing,
they're gonna go, you're actually a white belt
or maybe even a blue belt you said those
I tap one guy
I get one guy
I said one guy you said one or two. I'm certain of no dude one guy. It was for sure one guy
No bodies dude dude. Zero bodies. Zero bodies.
But yeah, I got caught at the end of each round though.
Like there was like 10 seconds left and I'm like,
fucking dude, I'm tired. You tapped me with 10 seconds.
I didn't even know. I didn't know.
I was just not breathing.
There was times I was like,
I can't fucking breathe right now.
And I just like, yeah.
That's a reason to tap though.
Yeah. I didn't tap when I couldn't fucking breathe.
You tap yourself like I'm out. Yeah, just's a reason to tap though. Yeah, I didn't tap when I couldn't fucking breathe. You tap yourself like I'm out.
Yeah, just jogging.
I tried to tap before it started to like hurt for real, you know, like the.
I know, I know.
Yeah, well, I am a I know you talk about it, but I am a one strike wipeout.
Yeah, I'm you've used to pass me that you can do security detail for me.
And I buy a day pass to wrestle you tomorrow?
Get our asses kicked.
Can we just go in there and wrestle each other?
I want to wrestle you.
The mayor is nasty.
Is he scrappy?
He'll fuck you up.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck you up and we're strong.
We can move the table right now.
John is kind of, the mayor is strong, but also he would wrestle the fuck out of you.
Does he have experience?
Dude, we can move the table right now.
He's failed out of like three different,
he's tried three different jiu-jitsu trials.
Did you ever get tech faulted by your own best friend in grade school?
What'd you say? I'm sorry?
I got tech fault.
Oh wait, you wrestled.
Yeah, I got some experience.
He's got some actual experience.
Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
I don't have any.
I had, I did wrestling for a week and I quit.
I'm here for a few days. I think we should get on the mat. You guys should whoa John with some scary confidence here We got to bring Greco Roman back to this Brazilian bullshit
I think it is I think the Jiu Jitsu stuff's getting
The fucking white Muslims have saved us
Mauling these fucking Brazilian dudes. It used to be scary when you saw a Brazilian coming out of the tunnel now.
It's, those guys just get tossed around a little.
Yeah, yesterday's Keijo.
What's that?
It's yesterday's Keijo.
Oh yeah, of course.
That's a Portuguese.
I know.
But yeah, they're not really, they're not as scary anymore.
They're not as scary.
The Gracie's were scary.
And then it's, yeah, they really.
Yeah, because they were the only ones that knew what the fuck they were doing.
And then the dudes came down from the Caucus Mountains.
And then the Caucus Mountains came down and, yeah, started butt fucking everybody.
Now we need bone neckles to save us.
We need a white hero.
True.
Just a good Christian white. None of these
fucking Muslim whites, you know what I mean, John?
Do you think I could take LaMaire?
I do. I'm telling you. I swear to you. I don't know, man.
Although you're a dad now, you do have to hear his dad's strength.
It just happens, right? I haven't tested it, but I'm assuming I can lift the car now.
I think both of you, the endurance is going to be an issue.
Yeah.
We're going to have to take five minute breaks between one minute rounds for sure. I think I think both you the endurance is gonna be an issue. Yeah
We're gonna have to take five minute breaks between one minute rounds for sure Move this table you guys could get in a Greco Roman positioning and just do like a quick drill
I've done sit my pants into shorts
Would you actually be open to something like that?
Cuz I hear on this I was on a podcast. I would never do that
No, but you would be would you consider it here? Yes. No.
Okay.
He's has to be in a sanctioned.
We need a rest.
I hear you.
I need points.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gardini can.
Gardini knows the game.
Yeah, I can refer you guys if you want to.
He was a wrestler.
You think I can take him?
I think Gardini is good at wrestling.
I know, but I have a hundred pounds on him.
I'll give you that.
What's your what's your experience with wrestling?
Up to seventh grade. Oh
I still recall a lot of the moves true
The fight still in you. Yeah, it's muscle memory. Good dog. Tell them what song you used to walk out on the mat to
That'll strike fair. I used to walk out to ain't no grave by Johnny Cash
Damn, they didn't even let me have music when I walked out.
True.
You gotta earn it.
They actually turned the lights out and everybody left.
I like the fighting you though.
Oh yeah, the confidence.
You're going after La Mer, yeah.
I think I could.
How much you weigh?
We might have to do a hell in the cell right here.
I know.
My weight will not be an advantage with La Mer
so I'll need to use my cunning and my wrestling memory.
Do I have enough cunning?
La Mer, are you sore right now though from yesterday?
Yeah.
You might get a sore, he's recovering.
All right, yeah.
Tomorrow's the day then, I'm going to that gym with you.
10th planet?
Yeah, will they let a guy like me walk in there? Oh, yeah, give them
Settle with them air don't for sure. All right, Louvair. I would love to see you
I hope man that would have been so fun to see you in there. It wasn't that bad. No, I know but like taking instructions
Oh, yes, that's yeah
It doesn't seem like something you would do he seems not the kind of guy that would just go to a gym by himself and start
feeling up guys.
This is exactly who Lamaris.
That's awesome.
He would go, I can do that.
I'm going to do that.
And then he'll come home and go, I'm never going to do that.
I got too high.
He gives it a try.
Do you think you're ever going to go back?
Uh, yeah, I got to go back.
I got one more free trial on Thursday.
That's it.
All right.
Thursday's the day.
I'll start my free trial on Thursday.
Dude, it was too expensive.
They don't know this.
It's too expensive for me.
Well, it's too expensive for me, too.
I'm a day-pass guy.
How much is it a month?
It was like, for Unlimited, it was like two, ten a month.
If you talk like this, somebody's going to listen to this and give you free jiu-jitsu in Austin.
You might get a scholarship, dude.
You might get a motherfucking scholarship.
I would love a jiu-jitsu scholarship.
I don't know if I want you doing this.
The confidence is already too high
You actually have a day of training behind you. You're gonna be like, yeah, I'm the best. No way, dude
I'm gonna be humble. It already came out in your UFC five. You were good. We made him play
You could tell he had some training. He knew what he was doing. Is he learning most of his shit from the video game? I don't think he's learned anything other than from video
games. I swear to God. I don't think he was good in school.
I don't think he's read a book.
You think he's a creative player?
The La Mer is somebody's creative player for sure.
That is what I make my creative players look like. I make La
Mer in almost every UFC game. Yeah, it's an easy character to make
true
At the color you've been playing a lot of video games. No, I haven't played video games in
Years really. Yeah, do you play video games? No, what are you doing your spare time?
I look at my phone for eight hours a day
And then I sleep for nine hours a day
Then I hold a baby for a couple hours. Nice.
It's fucking chill. Last time. Yeah, it's pretty sick.
I was thinking about getting back in a video game. So I'll tell
you, you get a little older. They're not as I mean, I try.
You saw me yesterday. I was trying my hardest. I'm trying to get
into the games. I used to and I don't have it. FIFA FIFA was good
the last two weeks.
It's hard not playing against another person.
I get like weird on the computer.
Yeah, that would be, I still think UFC is a must find.
UFC against somebody else.
UFC against someone is the most fun you possibly have.
I could play for 12 hours.
It is enjoyable.
But it's a very nice time.
I think the learning curve would be too long
for me to figure that game out.
UFC, we can play in the middle.
You can do it. I love fresh blood dude.
The Vigis, I slowed down and now I was forced
to Netflix documentaries.
That's actually.
It actually worked out, that was fucking good.
Yeah, you watch six hours of the same thing
in less than 12 hours.
I watched it back and back dude.
Yeah, American.
Pretty depressing stuff.
American nightmares.
That was great.
Yeah, that was really good.
I was fully sucked in.
Yeah.
Every time I see one of those, I'm like,
six hours, I'm like, I'm never finishing.
That three, they were hitting that on a sweet spot.
45 minutes too, not even three.
It's about time they took the fucking fluff
out of those things.
Seriously.
It'd be like fucking six hours.
Full episodes on fluff.
Like we said again.
Whoa, and it's just like, dude,
just tell me what the fuck happened, please. we started watching the my one of my favorites the
devil next door mm-hmm the one about the Ukrainian he was an immigrant who
worked in the Ford factory in Cleveland then out of nowhere people were like you
look like the fucking guy from oh Treblinka you look like the guy it's so
funny he's Ukrainian guy yeah he just gets falsely. Well, who knows?
I don't know if it was false. Yeah, just gets randomly accused of being a Nazi an SS like butcher
Ivan the terrible that was like the worst SS officer. What I just I love the idea of a guy being a auto worker and someone being like
Are you an SS worker?
Like what decade was that? No
No, I am not.
The guy, your co-worker,
listened to one hardcore history
and you're like, dude, come on, man.
Shut the fuck up.
It was like 80, 85.
Okay, so he could still be working in a factory.
I think he had retired.
He is retired.
Was Eminem working there at the time?
Eminem was in there.
Eminem was there too.
Eminem was working, obviously.
True.
Slammed the metal on the cars.
American nightmare, though. That was good, man. I was working obviously true slam the metal on the cars American nightmare though
That was good man. That was awesome. Yeah, dude
I mean it was hard to call because I was trying to find like some weird loophole and I was just watching it being like yeah, maybe
Crazy, I don't know spoilers true. Oh, true. Give it a watch true
Although that would be cool to do a podcast where we summarize all those things in like 15 minutes where y'all save you all the fucking
Tribulations, here's exactly what here's what's gonna happen when you watch it. You go. He's a fucking liar where we summarize all those things in like 15 minutes where y'all save you all the fucking trials and tribulations.
Here's exactly what happens.
Here's what's gonna happen when you watch it.
You go, he's a fucking liar.
She's a fucking liar.
Yep.
And then you'll eat your words.
And then you're gonna go, whoops,
hour and a half later, are bad.
Whoops, I wish I didn't say all those things
that were pretty nasty.
Yep.
Surprised I held up.
Well, it is, there is that part of you
that wants to call it ahead of it.
So it's hard not to be like.
Especially when they're misdirecting you hard.
Oh yeah.
They're, they're trying.
They're trying to play that.
Shout out to the VAO, Vallejo Police, dude.
True.
Shout out to those guys.
Protecting each other.
Detective Mustard.
Hats off to you.
Officer of the year.
Officer of the fucking year.
Officer of the year.
Lieutenant Mustard.
Burn that bitch. Yeah, that is exactly
Burn that bitch
She was their valuable resources meanwhile, they're all sitting there watching shit on their phones
Yeah, we got a tip there's a guy going around that fits the description like shut up
This cat
It's wasted valuable police guy farting his dog's face and the dog grab
Although small it got in trouble for he definitely gone boy himself small himself. Small. The ultimate gun boy. I don't never stop being funny to me. Yeah.
The story coming out. I remember a story coming out in real. I'm not just saying
this. No, every single dude. Wait, what? 100% was no chance. It was like 2 a.m. in
Chicago. Did the guys get busted for it in the end? Yeah. Did they go to jail? I think
they made a deal. They came forward. Yeah. Okay. Two Niger it in the end? Yeah. Did they go to jail? I think they made a deal though. I think they came forward.
Yeah.
OK.
This is two Nigerian bodybuilders.
Yeah.
And they were like, Jack the Nigerian.
We have to tell you something.
But imagine though.
Why are you gay?
Justy Smollett?
That would have gone to my head though.
If I had two Jack Nigerian bodybuilders on payroll,
I might fake a hate crime.
Definitely.
You would. I would totally. You've got one Jack Nigerian on your payroll. I still I'm like fake a hate crime. I'll be down. You would I would totally got one Jack
One more absolutely
And you guys can control the city
Get out of here cracker get out of here right now
And I drew sex with one of them.
Yeah, the whole plan goes awry when they get a fucking,
their 10th punch card on the free foot long that subway.
And they're like, fuck, we were late
because we were splitting an extra meatball sandwich.
And they warmed up some cookies for us.
That would be tough getting the Lee brothers
out of a subway.
The Lee brothers out of a subway
The leather trend I'd have them in the nastiest trench coats they'd be matrix dress at all times
Damn the Morpheus does rock the fucking that's what I'm saying. He rocks the trench coat every morning Oh, bro. I smoke some blunt now. It's cold out. He's full matrix every morning
Yeah, I watch him enter the matrix. He smokes a blunt.
He's just like, I'm going to, I'm going to 10th planet.
I know Jiu Jitsu.
I know Jiu Jitsu now.
I'd have them in the trench.
Go talking about tapping guys.
But for real though, how nasty that what is sick investment
would that be getting the lead brothers to be killing
machines and then it's just trench coats at all times.
Yeah.
Be so sick.
Do you open the trench coat is It's just a bunch of subway sandwiches
Yeah, what's that was first called subway?
Have you ever looked out here and he's playing the fucking saxophone out there. No, I'm waiting for that
Sax was short lived sax was short lived, but you're gonna be sleeping with it
It's right next to his pillow where you would keep a gun. Well, you brought the sax. You brought the sax.
Right next to his knife. He is a nice knife, dude.
I might start. I might start treating Lamar like a Chinese daughter
and just relentlessly pressuring him like instruments.
It's time to go to saxophone lessons.
I do. I do. I genuinely do. I go out there. I for real, I knock on the door.
I go, what are you doing in here?
And he answers me, he doesn't think it's funny,
he answers me genuinely.
He's like always playing video games on the Saturdays bed
and he's like, oh, just watching wrestling.
I'm like, all right, we'll turn that off.
It lights out, lights out.
I asked him if he ate the bones earlier from the ribs
and he sincerely said no.
Without looking up.
and he sincerely said no. We're not looking up.
What a treat.
Having Lamisi here has been such a wonderful treat.
He's the best, dude.
He put on a fucking absolute show this weekend.
How long could the rampest time actually last, though?
It's good.
We give enough time apart.
Yeah.
And then when he leaves, I'm like, oh, man, I wish I was here.
Yeah. Wow. I was missing him before he came down here. You then when he leaves, I'm like, oh, man, I wish you miss him. Yeah.
Wow. I was missing him before he came down here.
You know, he told me, you know, he's like, I'm going to wait
till the new year. And I was just like, all right, man.
You had to spend two months without Lamise fully support you.
He's a luxury.
He was killing it.
They were absolutely.
Dude, the Tik Tok.
The Tik Tok, the St. Louis Tik Tok.
Billy called me and asked me if that was a joke and I was like, yes.
He was like, are you sure?
You got to ask him.
And then it got in my head.
I was like, maybe?
It was definitely a joke.
Yeah, I know.
I had faith in you.
Yeah, let me just put it on a clinic, dude.
What was the dominant?
St. Louis?
Let me just dominate at St. Louis.
Yeah, it was pretty unbelievable.
That's what he needs confidence like that.
Well, in between last few will be like, dude, he's so fucking strong.
It looks like he beats him with fucking.
He heard that he's like, I guess I will go to 10th plan.
No, it was a fun weekend.
St.
Look, the club, I will say, smells so bad.
Dude, there's a sewage pipe that broke.
So you walk in and you're just greeted with like mushroom farm scent.
Oh no.
But the room is great.
Any fun time.
It's kind of cool to make people, you know, make people walk through a horrible
stench.
Yeah.
It's got, I like it.
Humble them.
Exactly.
Guess people ready.
They go, yeah, I guess I am a piece of shit. Maybe I should listen, I like it. Humble them. Exactly. Gets people ready for call.
Yeah, I guess I am a piece of shit.
Maybe I should listen to this guy instead of yell out my opinions.
That is nice.
Yeah, the club is dealing with scent issues, but the room was great.
Did you get to walk that mall at all?
No, I never, I never walked the mall.
I got there early enough to go to the mall and every store I walked by
was closing as I walked by it.
Yeah, the mall is closing right now. by was closing as I walked by it.
Yeah, the mall is closing right now.
I think Cheesecake Factory is going strong.
I got a full mall.
I'm always curious about the mall.
I got a full rundown.
The Cheesecake Factory is going very strong,
but the rest of it is for sure closing.
That's because...
Going around here?
It's because Honky's moved online.
So now the mall has had to convert
to strictly African-American consumers. So the Cheesecake Factory is holding convert to strictly African American consumers.
Yeah, the cheesecake factory is holding on strong strong. Yeah.
That's an anchor store. It's an anchor restaurant. It's not going anywhere.
Yeah. Well, the lady, the Uber drivers, like, well, they, what do you call it?
The cheesecake factories keeping the mall afloat. I'm like, that's just one rent.
They don't get like a percentage of the cheesecake factories profits.
No, but if you go to get some factory, you're probably going
to hit the gas or something.
No one's leaving the factory with ambition.
No, you got to go early.
You leave the factory, you're going on, I got to go home.
Have your homies think about what I do.
I said we got to drink and drive home.
No, that makes sense.
Two full cheesecakes.
No, I could see getting like a denim outfit in the factory.
I think that's kind of exactly what it actually is.
Matching t-shirts.
I'm the king.
She's the queen.
Those fucking bullshit t-shirts.
Yeah, I feel like half the stores in the mall are just that store now.
Beauty and the Beast, yeah.
Beauty and the Beast is the nicest thing.
You and your wife should get that.
What is it?
Beauty and the Beast.
What do you mean?
I'm the Beast. She's beauty
Can I get him delivered right now you guys get matching we're both beasts
I'm with the beast on with the beast too
Wait the second area is pointing to somebody else
Where's that beast?
That would be nice. That was my favorite matching sweatsuit. I ever seen. It was advertised to me on Instagram for some reason.
You bought it?
No, I wish.
Going forever now.
True.
No, they're everywhere.
Yeah, you can get it.
I always wanted to make it.
Do you want for kids?
Thing one thing too for the kids?
True.
That's a good one too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do like that.
It'd be funny to get one with your wife that was like, she made them and made them
very direct. Like yours is like, I'm with beauty in hers is like, I'm with the. It'd be funny to get one with your wife that was like, she made them and made them very direct.
Like yours is like, I'm with beauty in hers.
Like I'm with a fucking loser.
I'm with the fucking guy that won't wake up before 2 p.m.
And he has a fucking kid now.
What the fuck?
The print is so small.
You have to get up so close to it.
So how do you hold that down?
Because you do.
We that is pretty interesting.
You wake up super late every day still.
Yeah.
How the fuck do you hold this down?
I've been wondering since day one. Well, I wrote it in the pre-nut I
Haven't changed a diaper yet been seven months nice pretty impressive
How do you think how you feel about that? I mean I wouldn't brag about
I'm just impressed that I said it and she actually is going through with it
But I'm on night duty. I'm up until 5 a.m. So what do you do?
Yeah, so she hasn't she gets to see through the night. Yeah, okay, and then she also has to work full-time job
I think scare the kid while I'm sleeping. You're in a bullpen all morning. Yes. Yeah. You just right charging your bed
Sometimes she'll get wake me up at 12 30 and be like, can you watch the kid, please? Yeah. I was having a fucking sex dream about you.
Your eyes look like this. And then her eyes look like that.
That's so tight. So you just do you shifting it up is a good idea.
Yeah, you get that way. You don't have to talk to each other. That works.
That'd be nice.
How's the baby sleep at nighttime?
She wakes up twice to eat.
Nice.
Like 11.30 or midnight and then like.
Do you give her some motherfucking pizza rolls?
She's getting a scent.
Yeah.
I still have some spilled on my shirt
by the time I get up there.
Pizza rolls.
Ah, I'm out of still burning.
The baby woke up.
Fuck.
Man, I've been burning some fucking tostinos in that house. So how are you enjoying it overall?
I'm enjoying it overall.
It's very, she's so cute.
Yeah.
It's nice, but it's still a.
Oh, you're a girl dad.
Yeah.
Nice.
It's not like we're not talking yet.
So it's not like a real connection.
You don't know if she's dickhead yet.
Yeah, she could be a fucking dickhead.
But I don't think she's really sweet.
Huh?
How old is she?
Seven months.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's like the way you just come out of the haze of it being like so boring.
That's just for girls.
First six, seven months just for girls.
Yeah.
If real is.
Boy time is about to happen.
She's starting to crawl.
Oh, yeah.
That's boy time.
Girl time and babies girls love imm to crawl. Oh, yeah, that's boy time
Girl time and babies girls love immobile babies. I
I don't get it. They love it. It's bizarre. Yeah, it's like truly when someone holds Like shows me a newborn baby. I'm like you yeah for the first several months. I'm like, that's not I don't like it
They're just for girls. Yeah,. They are for real, for girls.
When does the baby start talking?
Around, they start putting together words,
the noises are like one and a half.
Okay, but.
A lot of noises, no words yet.
Yeah, one and a half I'd say, then around two,
the floodgates open.
But it's pretty tight.
It happens so gradually though, you don't notice.
First you're like, this is gonna be crazy, and then it's like so They happen so gradually though. You don't notice it first. You're like this is gonna be crazy
And it's like so gradual that you're like it is that doesn't like hit you out of nowhere
Uh-huh. Are you worried now about like shaping a human life and potentially like absolutely?
it
Snowball it's
You don't stress about
I'm too blessed to be stressed to be honest
I'm too stressed about much. I'm not.
I'm too blessed to be stressed to be honest.
Do you ever get high and bug out about it?
No, I'm surprised.
I haven't like taken mushrooms or anything yet since then.
I wonder if that will affect my psyche negatively.
But it's sick.
Did I get fucking ripped, stoned?
And then I hear the baby crying and I'm like, all right, let me hit this one more time.
Big hit. And then I just fucking.
You get how he's fucking here. Here the baby crying.
Yeah, I'm a fucking kid.
Fucking forgot.
I was still when I first had a kid, I was still doing edibles a lot.
And then they now every now and again, they'd hit me while we'd be like playing in a field.
And I'd be like
I gotta stop doing this come get daddy
Your head you're such a hero. You're like we gotta get home. You're like carrying them back. Oh fuck
The worst it's the absolute worst dad's fucking blazed
Dude get in the car. It is you like, you can't have a panic attack.
You're like, dude, you just.
That's a good Dairy Queen stop though.
Dad's high as shit.
Yeah, true.
Everybody's getting blizzards.
Every day.
Happy meals and blizzards.
Those are medicinal, dude.
Medicinal.
Those are medicinal.
Medicinal blizz.
We need to blizz, we need to take our mind off it.
Check this out, kids.
Just immediately falls all over my lap.
Yeah.
We gotta take our minds off how the sun looks kind of weird right now.
Some throw in the sun, kids get the car.
I don't like the way these other kids are looking at you.
Love the fuck out.
There are no other kids here.
I would get high.
We'd be playing like a field and I would get high and be like,
if I take my eyes off you for one second,
you could run into the street and I'd just be like,
you gotta get inside.
This is fucked up.
Yeah, I fully anticipate being a leash guy at some point.
When she first starts to walk around.
I'm for him.
People make fun of white people in their leashes.
I'm like, it's not a bad idea.
No, we're gonna be leashed up at Disney World, I think.
Leash him up.
I will say though. I'm having an international child on a leash idea. No, we're going to be leased up at Disney World, I think. Leash him up. I will say, though, having an
interracial child on a leash is a white man.
It's going to be a rough look.
True, true.
Although if I dressed impeccably, I'd have to put on
like a really nice suit.
I don't know, dude, wearing like a
monocle might look worse, honestly, dude.
If you look like the Monopoly guy.
I know.
You got to get like a SpongeBob sweatsuit.
Yeah, maybe in pajama pants. Yeah, true.
You couldn't wear like a powder blue suit.
You try to like, look, I'll just dress up nice.
Just dress up like fat Joe.
No.
But yeah, I mean, I get it, you know.
Delish? Yeah, or even like a shot collar
Mile a mild shot collar. There's nowhere in Philadelphia that I can envision taking her at all at any age
Yeah, I'm not gonna walk around fucking fish town Kensington. Take her when she's doing better see what drugs do
Take your fucking drink. You want to do fucking drink?
This is what happens.
I don't know.
The first time I drove down Kensington Avenue, I was like,
this is fucking tight.
I want to get out of the car and walk around.
Yeah.
Now it's when was that before I moved to the neighborhood.
So like four years ago and I haven't been down that street since it is a fucking nightmare.
Did you do it is so scary, dude?
It's scary.
I shared on Twitter about Trank and how it's controlled by, there's a proxy war between
Mexican cartels and Chinese companies because the the Trank, it's xylosine. It's the stuff they're
adding to heroin and fentanyl. And what it does is it like. That's the flesh rotting shit. Yeah,
it's like, it's real acidic. And if you get a little cut, there's like this, you know, like
creatine tries to escape your skin. The the Trank is, it's real acidic. And if you get a little cut, there's like this, you know, like creatine tries to escape your skin.
The, the, the trank is in your skin.
And as soon as you get a little cut,
it all rushes to escape.
And then you get this thing called like epidermal necrosis
where your skin cells just start to die.
It's dude, it's so, and then like dudes get fully swollen arms.
So there'll be a dude with just a gigantic arm.
It's so fucked.
But the thing is,
is the Mexican cartels, allegedly according to this thing I watched, they control the supply.
But now Chinese companies are manufacturing in powder form. But if you get caught selling the
Chinese form, this guy was claiming that the Mexican cartels just put your picture out on
like WhatsApp to Philly gangs. And then there's a bounty on your head and the gangs just rush to shoot you. Damn.
Fucking nuts.
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And you'll wrestle anybody that comes to the show, right?
Anybody.
Take them down.
The meet and greet's actually just them meeting
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Because you're going to power bomb.
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Yo, what up? Catch me this weekend with Shane in Wisconsin. Yes. Yes. We don't let's go.
God bless you. Goodbye
Don't soak Trank is what you're saying or sell the liquid form if you're gonna do it
Oh, just liquid tranq or yeah, or don't do it because it's very very bad
What is there's dude?
I'm open wounds and this guy these like I've had a fucking wound for seven fucking months
He's like I wash it every day And they eventually they have to amputate
your leg because it'll spread and it's kill you. It's like ultimate gangrene, basically.
Yeah. And it's like, you don't really have like the dudes know there's like Trank and
heroin, but they're just like, yeah, man, it's fucking in there. It's annoying.
Is there still fat? No, if there's Trank in it,
Fetty's big still. Still Fetty still Trank. It's just Fetty H and Trank.
Those boys are seeking that out though. Yeah, theyett I don't know right well the so yeah Fett for sure but
the Trank doesn't give you the heroin rush apparently you're just doing you're
just like alright so that was the one guy said he's like you don't catch the rush
what the fuck support of it why do they put that shit in there so cheap I mean
it's like you can buy fill the bag up basically yeah yeah it's like an
effective cut you can use that does probably fuck you up. It's like horse tranquilizer. But then you can you can get it dude. It's like
there the Chinese companies are selling it for $20 a kilo. So if you're a heroin dealer,
it's like you get a kilo of it and sell bags cut with it for five or 10 bucks a bag Chinese
company, you buy it online. Well, allegedly, yeah, it's for real. It's the company.
Fucking Panda Express, the company that was selling the company
that was selling the fentanyl precursors to the cartels.
Again, allegedly, starting to sell this number one golden
trank. Top number one golden trap.
Joy Trank Club. Yeah. It's fucked up. The documentary is
pretty sick. But it's all about he goes and interviews people
and they're like, there's apparently two brothers in Philadelphia.
I don't know why they would let him film them.
They're called the Trank Brothers.
And they show their faces.
Huh? They show their faces.
They're completely like done up.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, this is what this is.
We're fucking killing everybody.
Yeah, like it's awesome.
I made $40,000.
Dude, for real, they talk about the money they're making.
It's crazy.
But it's like, why would they even agree to get interviewed?
Makes no sense.
Although maybe they are that dumb, though.
Obviously, they're not the best guys.
Yeah, they're not.
But they're like, do you feel bad about what you're doing?
Like, no, not whatsoever.
They're like, why?
And he's like, if you don't miss your vein, it's fine.
And it provides less of a withdrawal.
So what happens if you miss a vein?
That'll tear your whistle.
Do not miss a vein. Literally direct quote. happens if you miss a vein? That'll tear your whistle.
Do you literally just a vein literally direct quote. What if you miss? It'll tear your whistle.
Damn. Damn. It was channel five channel five sick. Yeah. Andrew
doing the good work. That's pretty tight man. Is he the one
who made the documentary? Yeah. Oh, sir. He's in the fucking
track brothers house. I was like scared for my brother get out of there
Wait, isn't Philly. Yeah, what's the channel five news in Philly? It's all gas no brakes Andrew Callahan
Is that who that is? He's all gas no brakes. I don't know that damn this guy's got balls to go fucking to these guys house, right?
Yeah, sounds pretty scary, but apparently to all the ice cream truck like circles K and A,
because whenever they're coming down off opiates, they need the sugar.
Yes.
So then at the very end, it's very sweet.
Here they're sitting there in the ice.
And the ice you're laying there just like catatonic.
It's like, just nonstop.
Dude, that's so funny.
We can come out of it.
We cannot get that guy to stop on our street.
He's just cruising down the K and A.
Just stand outside like this.
To get the box.
Bro, yo, he's on the way yo, you gotta sell like fucking gummy worms. Bro. Just go buy a crate of gummy
worms go down to K&A. You could trap out so hard. You will fucking make so much money.
Dollar worm? If Girl Scout cookies. If your kid joins Girl Scouts, send it down.
Come on we're heading to K&A. Alright we'll just go to Somerset Station.
Bro send it down come on we're heading to K&A and we're getting rid of these
summer set station True you can be like the trunk
There's some almost to your mouth up
Damn, we got peach rings. I fucking love those
Yeah, dude that the end the guy gets ice cream for everybody's like a lady who had her cut off, is kind of milling around.
There's these two other ladies.
Is it Mr. Softy?
Like the OG?
I forget.
It didn't sound like, I don't know.
A legless lady was eating ice cream.
Oh yeah, bro.
She was getting down on the cone.
Fucking Lieutenant Dan style.
Yeah, Lieutenant.
Lieutenant Denise.
Ice cream.
Dude, they're in it.
It's more funny.
They're talking about the sugar.
And like, there's like this black dude with him.
He's like, why do y'all love fucking ice cream so much?
And they're like, it's just good.
He's like, no, there's a fucking thing.
And he was, and then they're like,
they're talking about the ice cream truckers by
and the guy Callan is like,
you want to get some ice cream now?
And they're like, yeah, for sure.
Let's go.
And he did that.
I think it was him.
He did one in Portland or one of those that was the same,
same thing.
The thing that we're stealing from all the Walgreens and shit was ice cream.
You would go in and steal a bunch of ice cream and go sell it immediately to all the heroin people.
Yeah, that's got such a short lifespan on it.
The one duty he gives it to just immediately, it's melted and he's just like, oh my god.
Put a straw on it.
Damn, your front and the drum sticks out to the junkies.
That'd be a tough bit.
You'd have to be breaking legs.
Like, did you fucking munch the cones?
Yeah.
That's why I have to ask somebody at CVS
to unlock the fucking ice cream freezer when I go in there.
That is why.
Fuck.
Yeah, man.
Stinks.
Just want to get these Dolce de Leche Hagen Daz cones
and get out of here.
Hurry up, my kid's my kid and wife are asleep.
True.
I'm supposed to be watching her.
Damn.
I don't want to put that on you.
Never mind.
It's gonna say it's gonna be like Manchester by the sea.
So I'm just going out to get fucking ice cream.
I don't know.
Fuck.
I left my bowl still lit.
Fucking house bird down.
I left the fucking roach.
Yeah.
Leaving the road and having to tear your ass up
will be terrible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you worry about like tremendous safety concerns
at all?
Not yet.
But I'm just putting all my anxiety.
I'm so far here.
The first day I've never heard say yes immediately.
No, as I mean.
It's usually like, yes, I think about having to fight
to the death from my child every
second. Once I think we're gonna probably move out of that
neighborhood in the next year or two. So I don't know why I feel
safer there. I just don't leave the house. Yeah, she's indoor,
indoor baby until until she's two.
I went downstairs like we had something to go it was two nights
ago, something went bumping the night I went downstairs fully naked. Ready to fight. So sick. It was nothing. I know we had something to go. No, it's two nights ago. Some of my bump in the night. I went downstairs fully naked.
Ready to fight.
It was so sick. It was nothing. I know.
It's good to go down to fight. I hear the bump and I go.
I went down, dude. I went down.
I for sure was like, it was definitely this thing.
She leaned up against the wall, but I was like,
someone in here. I was like, I don't know.
I'm going down right now.
I was like, dude, I'm so fucking sick.
Did you precariously place the Dyson against the wall again?
Because it has never one stayed up on its fucking own bitch. I was like or is probably a guy
What do you do you sound like a fucking $500 vacuum falling down the stairs?
You check
What's your bedside weapon you got the heat damn damn dude fight nice straight leprechaun
dude so he breaks in I did as soon as I went down there that night I was like
dude I need a weapon so bad I just went down there just Tina's blazing dude
naked oh it's fully fucking naked starl someone naked cube Tina's just an
absolute wizard of a Tina's dude.
Just the Randy Johnson bucket of baseball's fucking full bird out flying balls at their
heads.
But now I have dogs with dogs on barking.
I'm like, this is nothing.
That's my worry or that's my kind of saving grace.
I think if intruder comes in that the dogs will hear at first, but those fucking idiots
are dead asleep.
Those dogs bark dude.
They do bark, but I feel like we got a lot
of noise makers going on.
I don't know if they would necessarily hear
somebody creeping around.
They got desensitized.
I got the old, I have a baseball bat
with a buck knife taped to the end of it.
Next to my bed.
You got a bayonet?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Damn.
Out of your deep slumber too.
Out of your deep slumber.
It's far enough of a way that I't grab it in a, in a fever
dream and start swinging it around.
I got to get up and find it, you know,
you have a bay net.
Yeah, dude, I made a bay net.
I was in New York a couple of years ago and there was some creep looking in our
house and the neighbor's houses and me and, uh, Fennel sped back and the guy was
gone by then by the time I got back, but I was just all night freaked out and I was like I don't have a fucking yeah
Bullets for this shotgun, but I still brought the shotgun up. You need a bay that yeah
I was like, what am I gonna do sick to run down the hall? Oh my god a red coat
I have the sheath on it too. So for safety, you know, that's good
And then I can you get that thing at him first sick startle him and then knife to the face
Yeah
Fuck and if I get outside with that thing I can start fucking
I gotta keep it right under my bed
Loaded
Yeah, I don't think you should do that. No, I for sure protect my house. I
Think that'll be a blade runner situation. I think your lady's coming out of the bathroom and you go, who's there?
Ha!
Freeze!
Freeze, scumbag.
Yeah, true.
Although just racking it.
You just have to unload it and just racking it, people.
Just be scared.
I have a bolt action.
It's not really a threatening.
Damn, you have a bolt action and a bayonet.
You really are a wreck. I didn't even realize it. Shit, I gotta get a uniform. You have a gun action. It's not really a threatening. Action in a bayonet. You really are.
I didn't realize it.
Shit, I gotta get a gun powder.
A musket and a ramrod.
I'm a candidate of musket.
Four men on horses.
One of those weird eye things.
Oh, yeah.
You guys know the reference.
What did that guy wear in Wild Wild West?
Artemis, dude, then you have
some fucked up eye. Wasn't it like a built-in telescope?
You should get one of those spider wheelchairs. That scared the fuck out of somebody. He just
like, you've entered my home.
I'll be down momentarily.
Ah, yes.
More flights of steps on a spider wheelchair.
Guests have joined me.
Oh, you know what would be good? A laser pointer next to your bed.
Just like that guy had fucking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where'd you go?
I don't know.
There you go, Matt.
Yeah.
A laser pointer on the bay.
I bet a laser pointer.
I don't know where the fuck I'm coming up with a full tank.
Just in case air gets deprived and just play a little offense, go around
the neighborhood and peep into everyone's window.
Yeah, just go to see who could attack you.
Yeah.
It is good to go on the offensive to test your neighbor's defenses.
Did you ever do that when you were little,
like go and spy on your neighbors
and like peek through the window?
I used to do that too, I was tight.
Yeah, I told you the one time we,
This was my cousin's,
We fake held a gun in the kid while he was hiding in his basement.
What?
Yeah, he was hiding in his basement.
My friend took his BB gun pistol and stood in his door,
his glass door.
The kid was smart.
I told you,
dove and fucking turned the lights off.
That was really smart.
That was good.
Then we were like, ooh, we really shouldn't have done that.
We probably scared the fuck out of that kid.
Later on, the guy I did that with
got arrested for murder, so.
Yeah.
He wasn't playing around.
I thought we were having fun.
He was preparing himself for a life of murder.
Murder and crime.
He had committed murder
Open fire on a man. I'll be honest be be good. You fired out of man. He was shot a man with a baby
Go shot a man. I shot a body. Where I didn't kind of
We were at me my friend were hunting the famous cougar. There's like a cougar roaming the woods
That it was not even here. No, he's about about that. He saw it. Now you saw it.
Well, I thought the name was a wolf man.
Now you also lie.
I saw a wolf.
No.
I saw the wolf, but we not talking about that right now.
You don't want to talk about the wolf.
We're talking about another animal that doesn't.
He's going through a prokidex right now.
This is.
You could Google it.
You could Google.
There was a cougar.
There was allegedly a cougar and I went on the hunt it
Me and my friend went out to hunt it and we just saw a guy waxing his cars were like yellow shoot this guy
You went out for a cougar and then you saw the most dangerous game
Guy having a midlife crisis
You ruin that guy's fucking life. Did you have rifle or pistol? I think he had a pistol and I had a rifle
I like a pump actually. Yeah, I think he might had CO2 if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, you can't pump a pistol, right?
That's all CO2. Yeah
Those things rip. I might I don't think I had a lot of pumps in my house
Dude, I have no idea. We just shot and heard him go, hey, we were like, ah.
You probably hit him, then.
Huh?
You probably hit him if you said, hey.
I mean, I am a fucking.
I probably just, you probably heard pop pop.
Then it is something that bounced off the fucking car.
You fucked up his wax.
Dude, I'm having a six pack.
You just fought your wife.
Just fist fought your wife.
You're listening to fucking jams, dude.
Oh yeah.
Two dickheads kids shoot you with a fucking BB gun.
I'd be so mad.
Dude, I'd be furious.
I'd go crazy.
It's funny when you're on the run.
I would start to chase him and then obviously realize I was wrong,
but I would run across the street or however far I'm going.
Oh, you wouldn't be wrong to fucking...
No, I know, but I would stop. If I chasing kids the initial burst with a vanguard would carry me
Oh, yeah, and then I'd be like what the fuck am I doing? True? Ah, then again, though
I mean deadly weapon, especially they have fucking weapons. Yeah, true
I'd be afraid I'd be like I don't want to get caught again. Well, it's great
You know you got the you caught the ops lacking
You caught the ops lacking dude. You caught the ops waxing his car.
You're like, stop, stop motherfucker.
You imagine hearing that?
You know the ops is lacking and you just get shot in the ass with a fucking BB gun.
He was on live dude, just talking shit.
He was on IG live.
He wanna smoke dude.
I'm outside right now.
I'm outside.
Yeah, he was up in our hood dude.
Say where you guys at?
We're like, we're fucking right here dude.
Say where your mama's at?
Where you're bet at.
Wait, where was the cougar, though, in PA?
Well, that's what we heard.
Cougar's realistic.
There's cougars on the mountain.
It is a true story.
There are no cougars in the hands of a man.
In the Appalachian?
I don't think there are any more.
Well, there's certainly no wolves in the Northeast corridor.
There are not. There are not.
There are not.
There's a wolf sanctuary.
And one of them got out and got hit by a car.
And it wasn't tagged.
And one of them got out and got hit on 476.
And it wasn't in the news.
And there was never a news story about that.
No.
It doesn't matter.
I'm telling you.
If a wolf takes a skit in California, it's a story.
I'm the eyewitness.
I saw it.
If a wolf got hit by a car in Philadelphia, it would be on the news.
Yo, they're in the news when they change when they cross state lines in California
Like it's the biggest story. Somebody took it after the second day. I drove past it twice
And big Jeff saw it shot the big Jeff big Jeff saw it
Well big Jeff saw he's a UPS driver and they don't lie, bro
Here they are sworn at the other honest. They did swear enough.
They did.
If you ever see a wolf, do you promise?
Neither rain nor snow or cougars or wolves.
It was bigger than the Great Dane.
That's how I know it was a wolf.
One no German Shepherd, one no coyote.
Bro, that's the biggest wolf possible.
Well, I'm telling you.
Bigger than the Great Dane Wolf.
I thought it was a werewolf.
That's how big a werewolf was. That's aane wolf. I thought it was a werewolf. He's a werewolf.
I thought it was a werewolf.
That's a werewolf.
I thought it was a werewolf costume.
Man, for me, that's a costume, but it wasn't.
It was a dead wolf.
Bigger than a great Dane wolf.
Yes.
With his mouth open.
That sounds like it was a Halloween costume.
What year?
Around what month was this?
Oh, this was September.
This was October.
October. October.
October.
Probably around October, November.
Right around Halloween time?
Right around when someone was bringing a.
But it wasn't the costume.
Did it look like the one in like Rogan's studio, that thing?
Yo, listen, this how you know I'm telling the truth.
I went to a porn shop last week and some boy said,
and he knows me, he said, yo, name.
I was in the Man Shanes podcast. This crazy, because now niggas listen to y'all shit. He said, yo, naeem. I was into that to man Shane's podcast. It's crazy because now niggas listen to
your shit. He said, I was in the shot out.
He said, it's a Wolf sanctuary in New Jersey. Yeah. So I was
like, okay, so then this is possible. Things like a
homework down situation. Yeah. He was just trying to get home. Chance. Chance.
Shadow.
I'm not waiting up for me.
I'm not going to make it. I'm going to get hit on 495.
I just know it.
Just black dudes driving by.
Oh, what the hell?
Oh, my God.? Oh my God.
Yo, I saw.
True, maybe the truck missed it.
It was still alive at the very end and went home and saw Peter.
We need to find this wolf, dude.
Yeah, good luck, dude.
You'll be searching for a while.
How old were you when the Cougar hunt was happening?
I was probably like 10, maybe. That would have thrilled that what it must have been. Oh, yeah
Did you know the significance of a cougar at that time? No, we were just kind of like, yeah, let's go get it
I was like, all right. It's like the scariest pass possibly kill wild there was this one search and I remember seeing this article
There was one in the Philadelphia inquire or Philly Mag Philly Mag about those Koi wolves people keep spotting.
What is a Koi wolf?
It's coyote wolf hybrid.
Yeah, those are tiny.
It wasn't a Koi wolf.
You know what a Liger is? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, literally timelines are corroborating now. It's kind of a mix. It's an affiliate would be a mix between a dog and a coyote.
Gotcha.
It's not that.
It's not gonna be a great day, bro.
It was bigger than that.
It can't be.
Yo, I'm trying to tell you.
Coyotes don't get that bit.
I'm for sure.
Like a timber wolf.
You saw a giant wolf.
Yo, on me, I saw a wolf, bro.
On my mom and everybody, on everybody, bro.
Could it have been a Halloween decoration that fell?
It wasn't Halloween decoration.
It was a dead end.
How do you know?
Because I was in the lane, closer to the shoulder,
where the wolf was.
The wolf lane.
I saw it.
Yeah, bro, it was in the wolf lane.
All these motherfuckers driving in the wolf lane
going, slow as shit, dude.
Yeah, yo.
The only possible lane where you can see wolves.
That's where I was at.
It was a coyote, and that's all I'll give to you.
I saw a wolf at Timber Creek Park.
It was a wolf hybrid when I was there at the dog park.
And it was they were huge.
They have a big fucking puffy thing on the back.
Yes.
This was someone's pet.
Yeah, it was a wolf hybrid. So it was like
very mean. It was big. Pretty cool for them to bring it around other dogs. My dog. My
dog attacked it. And it played it cool. Yeah, they tussled. It was in Akita. No, but the
wolf looks like wolves too a little bit. Akita's look like wolves a lot. So and they're big as
fuck. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying
You can get a great day. It's a horse. Great day. You see nor yeah great days are you great day in public?
You're like, holy they're fucking huge
Gravity's gonna although. Yeah, what which which how what do rear view mirrors make objects look larger or smaller
It's only the one side view reviewer shrunk it. I
Didn't see it in the mirror.
I saw it through the window.
I saw it through a system of mirrors.
And I was in trouble.
All of which decreased the size slightly more.
The jury's out.
What did you say when you saw the wolf?
What did I say?
I was like, God dang, what the fuck is that?
And then I stopped and I rolled the window down.
I peeked my head out and I said, what the fuck?
Did you stop the car?
That's real? And then I called my mom. Did you stop the fuck? Did you stop the car? That's not real. And then I called my mom.
Did you stop the car?
Did you stop the car?
What speed were you traveling?
I was going maybe two miles an hour.
I was in track.
OK, so you went slow.
I saw it.
Two days in a row.
I watched the play of police work.
And the second guess I should take a picture,
and I just didn't.
I don't know.
You should have taken a picture.
Yeah, it's like big foot, bro.
I thought there was a picture of it.
I remember seeing a picture of it.
The picture was bad.
It wasn't a good picture. Oh, bad picture. I was taking it. The picture was bad. It wasn't a good picture.
Oh, bad picture.
I was taking it from the car like this.
It wasn't a good picture.
The picture exists.
Do you have that picture?
I probably got something.
Is it on your phone?
I probably got it.
I would like to see that.
Yeah, please submit it for evidence.
We are the Flayho police department.
We really are in bitches' lives.
Yeah, we got Gray Poupon and Colonel Mustard over here.
No.
Never look up from fucking brick breaker on your phone.
Yeah.
Have you played good phone games?
No, I haven't played phone games in forever.
You got good shit.
I'm just stuck on 2048.
You're still playing that?
I play it nonstop.
Is that a puzzle game?
I keep playing it.
It's like a mathematical puzzle game.
It's not, it requires no skill really.
They're not like mathematically, there's not really. I'm pretty, you know, I do see
dope. I don't know, I can't stop playing it. Really? Yeah. I saw a guy playing a game on
or playing a game on the airplane where you have all these different colored liquids and
vials and you have to like, match them. Yeah, I saw that one as an ad. It looked good.
Pretty tight. Dude, those ads are so deceiving. I know, I figured it was a deception. It's never what you see. But he said he saw someone actually playing it. I saw him one as an ad it looked good pretty tight. There's ads are so deceiving. I know I figured it's never what you see
But he said he saw someone actually play it how many levels did he have to beat to get to that fucking thing now?
Yeah, you never get the one where it slides out in the lava falls and you gotta you know
Yeah, what are you gonna listen my whole fucking life?
I want to play that game so I'll pay anything. I don't know it's something where it's just like what is it?
Avon is that what it's called?
Iberi.
Naeem, I'm starting to believe you. You seem very you're convicted.
I'm dead serious.
He's texting the Wolf chat right now. He's not even looking for photos.
I'm convicted.
Coyote's possibility. I've seen Coyote. Who's been a Coyote in Philly?
No, yeah. Coyote for sure, but they're small. I know
But you're like like wolves don't exist. Yeah
I saw a fucking lion
Which I did see what it was also as a child
No, not a mountain. Not a mountain line. You said you like a lion with like a mane. I never seen one of those
All right
I'm black with damn. They got there are saying there are they're all zebras here. I've heard you can see a zebra. What do you mean?
It's just oh in Texas. We're in Texas people let out their fucking zebras. Hmm
Is there a lot of cowboys around here? Do you see like cowboys at the grocery store? You're looking at one partner
Everybody here's larking. Are they yeah, there's a lot of cowboy had at the grocery store. You're looking at one partner. You see guys larpin', everybody hears larpin' is it?
Are they?
Yeah, there's a lot of people.
Cowboy had,
What's the percentage of guys that actually get on a horse
once a week, you think?
I have no idea.
Two.
They're all posers.
I'm pretty sure.
In Austin, yeah.
Damn.
What would the cowboy be doing in the city
besides selling his body?
Hanging out with rats.
Oh, Rizzo.
Do you ever see a movie Midnight Cowboy?
That's what I'm referencing.
So good, dude.
It's about a cowboy who moves the city to be like, I'm going to become a
male prostitute.
Joe Buck, dude.
Girls and they're like, you suck.
Oh, shucks.
What the hell?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't I've, there's a store around here where you can go and it's like a
Like a ranch store where they have like livestock the general store. Yeah, I saw that they looked fucking cool
I went in there and that's where the cowboys hang out, right? There's some real cow folk there
I was yeah, I went in there a total total city
So yeah, let my kids play with the animals and like we just like bought a fucking Yankee dude
I bought some real deal rodeo gear though
It's pretty sick. No, we'll get up. No, just like hoodies. It's hooded sweatshirt
But there's this company and they make I didn't know I learned afterwards
It's like real deal for the rodeo because there was a rodeo in San Diego when I was there and they were like dude
But you want to talk about from cowboys? They were like dudes are all rodeoed out
Were they wearing the hoodie then one guy literally walked by me. It was like give me a nod and I was like fucking sick
It was pretty tight. Do you feel like a true cowpoke?
Yeah, dude
It made my fucking because I was I wouldn't shut up to blizz about him like this is actually like rodeo
This is real real authentic when guys see me wearing this they know I'm a fan
And I think I like made eye contact with him first when he nodded back and I was like dude six
It's like a Jeep thing. They're for real. real what please would not understand he wouldn't he wouldn't
get it man it's authentic rodeo gear the company starts with like an A I feel
the company but yeah dude you can get real authentic rodeo gear and you can
get what do you mean by a real authentic rodeo gear like a hoodie from the company
that's rodeo watch yeah that's it you can get a real authentic eagle sweatshirt as
well yeah for real this is like this is real authentic Eagle sweatshirt as well. Yeah, for real
And if one of the players sees you wearing it, they'll give you a nod for real
Yeah, but like their rodeo they just assumed like oh he probably rides bull
Because the fans of the rodeo don't wear. Yeah, they do they were attitude. They're wearing cosplay Oh, rodeo fans literally dress they all wear cowboy hats and flannels tucked into. Yeah, that would be like wearing shoulder
It's literally dress, they all wear cowboy hats and flannels tucked into jeans.
Yeah, that would be like wearing shoulder caps
or an Eagles game.
They all fully, yes.
Actually, yeah, I saw it.
Everyone was dressed like that.
So many people were cowboyed out.
Do you see anybody get fucked up?
I didn't go to the rodeo.
Wow.
Stayed outside.
Damn.
And then you went and got authentic rodeo gear.
You know fucking rodeo clothes?
I had it on.
You're a rodeo clown, dude.
I had it on before, I bought it. And then the rodeo came where I was dude
There's definitely there's a market for this I saw a guy in a rodeo shirt. We got to go to say
Yeah, go get him printed. We got to go take over Peco Stadium. Is that where it was? Yeah, man
Was Is that where it was? Yeah man. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, what do you think the rodeo was, bro? Yeah, what the fuck? What the fuck?
Do you think they were fucking Peckham?
On the fucking beach, dude.
I don't know.
Have you ever been born?
I think they let horses stomp around in the fucking baseball field.
Oh yeah, they tear it.
I tore that up, dude.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I wish I wore my rodeo hoodie today.
You guys would not be laughing at me.
No one would think it was funny.
You would go, holy shit, that's authentic.
You would be like, sorry about that, sir.
That's not from fanatics, that's authentic.
I'm going to that store as soon as I leave here, getting a hoodie and fucking 10 pound
bag of feed so they don't think I'm a fucking poser.
Go to the store, you can pop a pig.
You can go there by- They sell pigs?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, what do you sell?
Do they sell- Do they sell service vest for
the pigs so I can bring it back with me you can get the service rest from Amazon
for like ten bucks do you know how nice to be to buy a pig and just let it
loosen your friend's apartment bro just bring a grease pig over to Garnese
house throw it in you get smuggled in there so quietly to what's the smallest pig they had?
Babies, dude.
Fuck.
You little baby.
You guys want to take a trip there after this?
No.
Grease up some pigs.
What am I greasing up?
Yeah, I'm talking.
Nice.
Grease one up, put in that pool.
It would be fun to start tossing it and just animals in the
La Mer's and the La Mer's cage.
Be like making bugs fight.
See who's going to win.
I mean, dude, you could set up a, the one of the best
series ever.
Just having to catch animals.
He never knows what he's going to walk into.
The bear versus pig.
Every time he's high.
The pig would cozy up though.
Pig would be nice.
The pigs are so.
Just a full sheep in his bed.
Yeah dude, a little goat would be nasty.
Goats are nasty bro.
Goats will get you.
I went up against goats when I was younger.
Those things are fucking nasty.
I could get a hill.
I could get a hill in the backyard
and put him and the mare back there.
Him and a goat, see who's gonna get it.
They love just getting-
Oh, King and the Hill?
Yeah, that's all they do.
See who eats more of the Aster term?
They go to just get to the top of the hill
and hit everybody else off.
I used to have a tree stump, I used to jump on top
and the baby goats would come after you.
They'd come after you, yeah, it was so fun.
They don't like it, if you're up top, they get you.
They get pissed.
Baby goats are actually fun to play with
and they get older, they're nasty.
But they're very good, you put them out back
and they just literally take the whole grass down.
They'll eat everything.
This was in your cougar neighborhood?
No, yeah, we used to have goats.
We had a goat in our house.
We had goats.
We had pigs, horses, a bull.
Damn dear.
Our neighbor had raccoons in a cage.
That just sounds illegal.
Yeah, that sounds, you should have alerted the authorities.
I wanted to.
What was he doing with that, with those raccoons?
Pat, right, he used to feed a Merkel cereal.
Damn.
That's awesome. They like stick their hands out through the cage. Oh, don't take it right from you. Yeah. Yeah, we had a weird, we were like hop his fences to go to the woods, but get off
my fences. We'd be like, shut up, dude. We just fucking walked. We would call the fucking.
Because I would tell my cousin, like, dude, I'll call the fucking cops on this record and
fucking. I'll tell the cops are feeding those fucking raccoons oracle cereal
I just get jealous
Say I and the raccoons had it raccoons underneath the
Did you get into the raccoon cereal again? I wanted it
My mom would hit us with berry berry kicks and be like yo baby kicks was good. They were good
But dude compared to Lucky Charms I go to my friend's house and crush like Count chocolate and be like Barry kicks are obviously
We would destroy the box, but like I knew what else was good Phil absolutely
Trank
Very very kicks was awesome. That was a delicacy in my house
Phil would fuck us with cereal. He went grocery shop. We're getting fucking non-frosted many weeks. Oh, dude. I mean just
Yeah, and all the cheap the bags the yeah knockoff brands
Grape not great. I should be illegal. Do you ever eat those things? Yes? They're unbelievable. It's crazy that that's a fucking meal
They got to get rid of those. Yeah, we I see we these infusion for real like
gravel
It's like fish tank
Pebbles it's crazy. Did you eat Wheaties and get like hype on your athletic ability? I used to yeah, I was good marketing
I used to be want to be jacked. I would walk around school. Just like I had Wheaties fucking Wheaties this morning
That was like that was like an old man catchphrase. Yeah, you must have his weedies
That branding worked. I thought for sure that like that was the healthiest thing you could possibly
eat in the world is we do.
I think back then they had like three commercials.
Yeah.
Because commercials was like that was a big deal.
Like dudes would quote commercials.
Yeah.
All the other guys that continues.
Dilly Dilly.
True.
Although the I don't see him.
That's the thing.
I don't see him.
I like that new Buffalo Wild.
The only way you.
Yeah. Where the guys a buffalo and he's singing.
Yeah, that's nice.
Makes me laugh.
Billy was just talking to me about B-Dubs.
Buffalo Wild Wings is a fine establishment.
He let me know that they don't use seed oils.
That's what he was excited about.
Really?
And I was like, dude, you don't have to sell me on Buffalo Wild Wings.
B-Dubs doesn't use seed oils. How many servers did he bother to get that information? There's no way anybody there
Fucking seed oils, what the fuck did they fry their wings in that? I'm not sure peanut oil
Well, please look that up
There's five guys was on that thing if you take me with fake news on seed oils
I'll be pissed he'd be devastated if he got fake news.
Because if he ate the seed oils.
I told him I was like, B-dubs has been a mainstay for me, obviously.
B-dubs is a fake.
Whoa.
Yo, people have been shitting on B-dubs.
Isn't that what McDonald's does too?
Isn't that why you can't have fries from McDonald's if you're vegan?
No, way, bro.
Really?
There's something about you can't have fries from McDonald's if you're like a true vegan, bro. Really? There's something about you can't have fries from McDonald's
if you're like a true vegan.
It's because there's like dudes' hands in the fucking bag.
Yeah.
Just because of the 17-year-old's eyeball in there.
We had McDonald's.
There's no denying McDonald's is great.
The fries.
It's so good, dude.
I have any McDonald's.
I swear to God, maybe a decade.
It was so long since I had it last and it holds up.
It's so good.
It might surprise you guys,
I have McDonald's once a week.
See, really?
Minimum.
Yeah, well they had adult McNugget buddies
in the past month, so I was like.
Collect those.
Yeah.
It is undeniably lit, cracking a bag of McDonald's.
I haven't had it and I swear to God,
it might even be like 15 years.
Oh, you're gluten free, so. Yeah, I stopped eating it before that too. God. It might even be like 15 years. Oh, you're gluten-free. So yeah
I stopped eating it before that too. Yeah, but it was just like dude my parents have finally buckled back
All right, we're going to McDonald's hop in the car just be like oh my fuck. This is gonna be incredible
God dude. Yeah milkshake fries and a burger was just like dude. Why don't we eat this every day power Rangers toys when they were coming out
That was big. I collected the fuck out of those
Yeah, although we see it. We were a Burger King family
We were gonna crazy. We were there are no more Burger King family. He was close
I don't know. I don't know. I'm almost had a beef with Mickey D. I mean, obviously we hit Mickey D's
But we would usually hit Burger King
Wendy's was like Wendy's was good. Yeah, Wendy's was a was a I told you I pig and got Wendy's the other night was was that Wendy's you had.
Yeah, I went as it was disgusting.
Really? The spicy chicken sandwich used to be incredible.
Dude, they've given up on it. Oh, no. Yeah.
They've they've taken that from us.
Fuck. They actually tapped out because there's a lot.
There's been a lot of innovation on the spicy spicy chicken sandwich.
It's been Popeyes.
I think that's it. Maybe I don't know. Wendy's had it.
The Mads speak on this.
That's fucking luck.
You know this.
Yeah, they were like the best fast food chicken sandwich
forever.
Yeah, the burgers were square.
I could square burgers, these are definitely natural.
Get it frozen.
Get it frozen.
Cheap Asiago.
Spicy chicken Asiago Ranch Burger.
Mm.
Mm.
Oh, Mayor, what's your go to fast food now?
Chipotle. Chipotle.
It doesn't count. No, that's fast casual.
Has to have a drive through.
That is fast cash. That's fast cash.
Don't try to fucking bullshit us, dude.
This Pete Terry's count.
You have a drive through.
I saw that Pete Terry's when you came back from Jiu Jitsu.
I was a little disappointed.
But they're two regional.
You have to pick a national chain.
Yeah, that's funny shit.
You got high, you smoked a blunt,
got strangled a couple of times.
Got peteris.
You saw Justin Gagey.
Got a milkshake.
I'm gonna go tap a fucking burger at peteris, dude.
That's good.
What's the most burgers you've ever eaten
from a fast food establishment?
Most sandwiches, we'll throw Arby's in the mix. So that's where I hold my rest. What's the most burgers you've ever eaten from a fast food establishment? Most sandwiches will throw Arby's in the mix.
That's where I hold my. Like in the sitting. Yeah.
For I had four. Four.
From where? McDonald's.
Four little singles. Now,
McDonald's. The one dollar, the dollar, many double cheese.
Yeah. One slice of cheese.
It's the only difference between that and a double cheeseburger.
Really? And they charge 30 fucking cents more. Get the fuck slice of cheese. It's the only difference between that and a double cheese burger really They charge 30 fucking cents more get the fuck out
That's an expensive piece of cheese
I don't know if even Cheddar's did you down I had five you had five be even Cheddar's a lighter than burgers though
I don't know. I had strong dude compared to a dollar menu burger I had like sliders. Yeah, I had but I had I think three or four
And I was bowling and then after like a little bit of bowling
I was a guy I took a slight break to slight break slight break. I'm gonna go. We're talking breaks. I've put on
I've gone crazy. Yeah, I wanted all five, but I could do I did a think about four and then I was like, oh my god
And I waited a little bit and just like begrudgingly ate the fifth one.
They let you bring the Arby's into the bowling alley?
I got it in.
There's no rules at that place.
I'm telling you, yeah, I got it in.
From what I remember, I could have been in the haze.
I don't know.
You could have been in an Arby's haze.
You're just thinking meat.
True.
You're bowling just with that cowboy hat over here.
I did like that gelatinous texture of their meat.
There are no other meat tastes like Arby's meat.
It's like Jello. Yeah, doesn't it come like basically a liquidous texture of their meat. There are no other meat tastes like Arby's meat. It's like Jello.
Yeah, doesn't it come like in basically a liquid form kind of it's weird.
And also if they put the onion, if they gave me the onion roll, I was fucked up.
I was so mad.
I was like, dude, I fucking don't like vegetables.
Can I have a regular?
I asked for a plain one.
Oh, you didn't like the onion roll.
I hated the onion roll.
I did not fuck with vegetables until I was like 23, like at all.
Yeah, same, but it was hard to say no to bread.
I eat them.
The vegetables are so good.
I'll eat them if a girl makes me, that's it.
Yeah.
If that's the only way I'll eat a vegetable.
If a girl makes a dinner.
Exactly.
I'll be, if there's mushrooms in it, I'm like, what are you doing?
What the fuck?
Yeah, I hate mushrooms.
You know, I've said this 30 fucking times.
I hate mushrooms. my mom still does it
Onions and mushrooms. I love that grows a lot of vegetables to my mom's
Irish cook dudes. It's unbelievable. Just the thickest fucking raw onion. Yeah
Cooked at all disgusting
Mom this fucking sucks. I tried
Oh, whatever.
Stop trying new shit.
Hamburger helper, that's it.
You did it.
You mastered the culinary arts when I was in third grade.
Hamburger helper.
We had the Pesto meatballs last night.
Oh my God.
Pesto meatballs, she goes, what are we going to have for a vegetable?
I said tomato sauce.
Tomato sauce is a vegetable.
Tomato sauce is a fucking vegetable.
Like there's onions in it. Enough.
That is enough.
You're just gonna make us all eat broccoli and ruin the meal.
I mean, yeah.
We're not gonna have vegetable and spaghetti.
Huh?
There's no vegetable side dish to spaghetti and meatballs.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Yeah.
But, you know, maybe if you have a salad.
I won last night. We'll see what happens tonight.
They gotta eat that.
Dude, they spaz if they don't eat vegetables.
Who?
Girls.
Oh.
So we need a vegetable.
I'm like, no, you fucking don't.
They're bullshit.
You know what they forget?
The bread side.
Can't have some fucking crescent rolls
or biscuits with this meal.
Come on.
True.
God, women are so fucking stupid.
That fell off though.
I don't feel like there's dinner rolls
aren't really a thing.
I don't see them that much anymore.
Yeah, I think once everyone found out bread is not great for you.
That fucking Norm MacDonald bit about eating an entire loaf of bread before.
It's like it's the only place you eat like that.
I don't like make a meal for myself at home and sit down and eat a loaf of bread before
I eat it.
I know.
That's crazy.
Oh dude, it was a feeding frenzy at a restaurant.
Still get me a red lobster all good nuts. Oh my god
Any place with free bread biscuits? I'm not eating half of my meal by the time it comes. Yeah, I'm breaded up
Come on brother. You're finishing that girl. It's coming home
I mean it on the way home. You're taking home guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I love leftovers. Yeah, true. Take out. It is nice
I wish I had the discipline. I
Feel like I'm switching it up though used to be always get an appetizer and then you don't
Eat most of your meal bring it home, but I'm skipping appetizers these days really trying not to bring food home
You know what kind of guy I am clean the plate total eye contact with the waitress the whole time. Do you see me now?
the whole time do you see me now does this impress you I want do you think it impresses the waitress when I clean my fucking plate I don't know I think
they might be like I've been a clean plate winner for years and you think they
don't seem impressed they go holy shit I came back to see how it was going
usually the people are one bite in just drop this off three minutes ago yeah
I don't know I always I always in my head thought they're like god damn damn
that guy's got an appetite I wonder what else he could eat exactly exactly
this dude really gets into things he's in satiate actually I don't need silverware. I'm gonna eat this I'm gonna eat the spaghetti with my fucking face
Just covered in sauce when she comes back
If you see the waitress coming just
You get oysters, where's the shell be like I ate those two
They're in my pockets. I take the shells home.
I'm making a necklace for my beautiful wife.
This ruins everything.
I've been crushing my plates at restaurants
and being like, I'm done mommy.
Mommy ate my dinner.
I don't think they respect it.
That sucks.
It's probably more impressive coming from you.
You're a nice thin in shape fella, you know?
Yeah.
They expect me to disgrace myself
before they come back to the table, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
This guy's gonna be fucking farting up a storm
by the time I come back over there.
Yeah.
I don't wanna get back over there.
It's fucking stinks.
You indulge.
They're all the same.
They're all the same.
You indulge
You indulge the farting section
Yeah, farting
Farting in a booth and having a way just come back and going I swear to God that wasn't me. I
Smell it too. I don't know what's going on. I
Think this place is haunted
Does it always smell like this in this corner?
No.
No, did you stop at Burger King on the way though? Thought I smelled onion rings. How did you know? You've got a wrapper hanging out of your pocket.
Your front pocket like a...
You're still wearing the crown.
So, bitch.
That would be so funny if you got a flashback of all the faces you've ever made partying
in public.
You're like, just say it.
On your deathbed.
Just fart.
Just like, oh.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
That stinks.
Fuck.
Everyone's gonna know I fucking shit.
The first time I ever had Indian food,
it was about five or six years ago,
went to a restaurant like two blocks from my house.
And before the check even came.
The flashback in the fucking restaurant.
No, I had to go home.
I was like, there's not enough people in this restaurant
for me to go in there and do what I'm gonna do in there.
It like ran right through me.
My body didn't know what to do with these curry flavors, dude.
It's Senate Ray, I barely made it home, dude.
Penguin walked the whole way, it was like two blocks.
You give me such a good father.
Can you watch my kid?
Honey, pick up the tab.
I'll meet you at the house.
Sprinting out of an Indian restaurant.
You should have shat in the Indian restaurant.
I should have, but there's no way they wouldn't have heard what I was doing.
You should have given out like, what'd you guys do to me?
What would you guys do to me?
I would have talked to the chef, someone fucking poised me.
That is a mess.
Why did you do this to me?
That is a mess.
You guys made a mess through me.
There's your meal.
That's what you're doing to people.
You should have called the press.
Should have called the fil Officer curry is on the fucking case you shit before you got the bill
Kill this guy burn that bitch burn this bitch
Now I used to like the I feel like there was a big thing in college campuses where they'd
be like they put laxatives in the ice cream.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
So you wouldn't get food poisoning?
You think that's true?
I don't know, but I used to hit some hard shits because I used to get those ice cream
cones every time.
Yeah.
Soft serve machine where it's like under your controls.
That's tough.
Yeah.
That's so tough.
Wrong guy found out about it.
Borderline illegal.
Now he's filling football helmets with ice cream
before he leaves.
That's nice.
The cafeteria at the college is nice.
All the other college students think they're too good for it
because they have meal plan points left over.
Yeah.
Not me, I'm going in there.
Dude, I used to burn.
We had meal plan points for this one thing we go to
and I would just get chicken cheese steaks
and burn through it in like four days. That'd be straight to the meal plan back to three hot and a cod dude right away fucking meal plan
I'd like the cafeteria everyone complained. I was like
Oh, it's so fun. I'd like to go back egg white omelet
I've walked by my college cafeteria and I've like thought about how I could kind of get back in there
But can I just give you 20 bucks man? You're like, I would let you would they I think you're like
Do you say can I give you $20 they go? Yeah, if you're a parent you have to pay to go into the cafeteria
All right, you could say my yeah, yeah, I'm looking for a new kid in there
Yeah, but I have to go to the dorms and find someone who looked like me
So I'm peep through pretty sure if I might be a fun little mission
Good break out the wetsuit. Dude, I went when I went to
Bryn Mawr, that was a all women's under college in her undergraduate
program. I had to go get a new ID one day. So I had to go through like the main
campus. And I was walking. I was like, how the fuck do I get into this one
building? I didn't know. I thought it was the building I needed. So I watched
this girl walk in and I like, she shut the door and I tried to like grab it
behind her and I pulled it a couple times
That was a woman's dormitory and I was like trying to open him like fuck and then I look up and I was like Oh, this is not the building. Oh my god. Yeah, dude
That was yeah, and no all those girls were looking for it. No you don't all girl college all you're doing is watching true crime
Oh big time. Yeah, they saw the dude. There he is
It never seen a dude like me on that camera. you just pull on the door and you on fuck.
Fuck hold on.
Long hair.
Hold on.
I'm not sure with like crystals on it.
Let me in the fucking.
No, you like me.
Yeah, I remember it being like looking back and make.
Oh, that's a dorm.
I was like, you should make it out of here.
Did you find the correct office?
I did.
I finally got a nice identification card. I think I still have it. It make it out of here. Did you find the correct office? I did.
I finally got a nice identification card.
I think I still have it.
It's my wallet.
But yeah, I got a nice ID card.
That's one thing I can collect.
I collect my ID cards.
Yeah, you got to.
It's a fun thing to kind of look back on.
I think I have dreadlocks and an eyebrow ring
in my freshman year ID.
That's nice.
Oh yeah, I forgot you were a white dreadsman.
Yes.
How did you, what was the day like,
was that like a big life transition
to like cut them off or like?
It made everybody in my life extremely happy
when I did that.
I didn't, I mean, I wore a hat for three months.
They were not good enough to not, to be uncovered.
What type of, like, what were you listening to?
You listen to the-
The shittiest fucking dreads you can imagine.
I do need to see a photo of you with dreads,
but were you listening to like Incubus? What type of, were you listening to like? Incubus dredge. You can imagine. I do need to see a photo of you with dredge, but were you listening to like,
Incubus, what type of, were you listening to like?
Incubus big time for sure.
Good guess.
White dredge rap.
But the dredge that made me want it
was Lil Wayne's Cribbs episode.
Damn, you got white dredge in honor of Weezy?
Uh huh.
That's kind of tight.
Usually white dredge is for real reserved for Incubus.
I know.
And that type of thing.
There was an Incubus poster in my room,
but it wasn't when he had dreadlocks.
Ah.
It was Morning View, Brandon Boyd.
Yeah.
I had an Ancubus face.
Ancubus fucking rules.
Everybody does.
They're in Ancubus.
Yeah, I think the DJ was from Dillsburg, Pennsylvania, dude.
That was a big deal.
What?
That was a big celeb by me.
Somebody looked that up, I could be wrong on that.
Where's the DJ from Ancubus?
Where's he from?
Did he go to Northern?
Dude, I didn't even know.
Damn, dude, you know his alma mater.
Did he go to Northern?
Was he a Northern polar bear?
Fuck my ass.
He went to Northern?
There you go.
Let's go.
Dillsburg, I know he was a Dillsburg boy.
Dillsburg, man.
When I would hear him scratching,
I'm like, that sounds like Dillsburg sound.
That was that Dillsburg sound.
That's that late 90 that Dillsburg sound that's that early night late 90s Dillsburg sound
That's a Dillsburg wall of sound. I was at Dillsburg, man. Where you really I went down there quite a bit. That's awesome
Where is that? It's right next to it's like 10 minutes from my house. Okay, but we would listen to every year
We would go for the for New Year's to the Dillsburg pickle drop
They dropped a pickle at midnight. That sounds awesome. There's a tractor pull.
It was nice.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Where they dropped the pickle from?
Just the town square.
Just from the guys.
Bank.
What?
It's like the three story bank.
And these let a pickle fall.
That's the biggest thing.
That's awesome.
No, it's like a it's a fake pickle.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
They let a pickle just smash on the ground.
I mean, that's kind of tight.
That would be sick.
Yeah.
Now they have like a mascot pickle. That's kind of tight. That would be sick. Yeah. No, they have like a
Mascot pickle. That's awesome. Dillsburg, baby. Just falls down. That makes sense. Dills. Do you eat pickles? I don't actually know fuck with them either. Really? Mm-hmm. I don't really like they are a woman food
That's not true. Don't put that
That's fucking all right. Look some boys don't like pickles. There are no girls that don't like pickles, though.
That's fair. I've never met one that doesn't like pickles.
I guess I never thought about it.
True.
Maybe gay women don't like pickles.
So you're saying that I like pickles?
Well, let's not get ahead of me.
Because of the phallic shape and the salty taste?
Could be.
I'm never gonna eat a fucking pickle
again bro slice slice yeah just yeah but never a fucking pickle it's always
you don't get a pickle go please don't slice that pickle I want to entire pickle You're sucking it through bread.
Oh, oh, oh.
You're on your back.
Can I get a booth please?
In the farting section?
I'm gonna need to lay down.
I'm gonna need to lay on my back. Order a blow job shot.
I'm going to need to wash this down.
Dude, go into one of those, find a place by you that has a blow job shot.
Oh my God.
And order it, sit by yourself at the bar.
And then try to dine and dash. I have 10 blow job shots.
Go up to the bar and go, I have 10 blow job shots.
They'll be like, you got a big party.
Be like, no, it's just me.
Oh my God.
Could you spray the whipped cream in my mouth for me?
It's one out drunk like.
God, that'd be so funny.
Oh man.
Yeah, why don't people do that more?
People aren't living on the edge, dude.
Oh my God.
Well, I think that's about it.
I think we did it, man. I think we should switch over to the patreon John Ocala John
Delcala, thank you boys for having me. Hey, if you live in Austin, Texas
I'll be a cap city comedy club this weekend January 26 and 27th
Headlining the red room. Oh, yeah, and from what I hear there are more than every ticket remaining
Why don't you take a little vacation this weekend and come out to see me?
Sean Gardini is going to be there.
Yep.
Some other friends in here might be stopping by.
We'll see.
It's going to be a fun time.
All the Philly guys are down here this week.
Oh yeah.
And check out Little Stinkers.
It's my podcast that I do with Mike Rainey and Jake Matero.
Let's go.
Thank you boys.
Of course, man.