Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 479 - Red Team Vs. Black Team (feat. Lemaire Lee, Nate Marshall, & Shawn Gardini)
Episode Date: January 31, 2024Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Nate and Lemeez @ patreon.com/pitm Go See Lemaire at Cap City in Austin @ https://www.capcitycomedy.com/shows/252000 Go See Shawn at Helium Ph...illy @ https://philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/247133 Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Hello everyone. Big SG's away on bidness so the mice had to play without him. We miss you Shane - see you soon!!!!!! In the kahuna's absence Matt assembled the bros to chill in Josh's stu - god bless josh. Also Matt was feelin kinda sick but he worked anyways - nbd. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. Upgrade your wardrobe and get up to 25% OFF @trueclassic at https://trueclassictees.com/DRENCHED! #trueclassicpod Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Alright, we're here dude Nate Lamar showing its red versus black
But it takes us a little bit too long it's kicking
The division what is our skin besides a jersey anyway?
God damn, dude.
Shhh.
You ever thought of it like that?
I always thought that's how I think people should be about race,
is like your race should be your favorite team.
So you root for them, but you're still a good sport.
Like you don't want anybody to get hurt.
You don't.
True.
Nobody likes to sort of lose.
Yeah, yeah Yeah
Speaking of speaking of racial tension I watched the Vivek Ram Swami on Charlemagne part two. Yeah, that guy sucks though. Who Vivek?
Yeah, I hate him. I don't know dude. I
A lot of the negative feedback is about the God himself. I mean a lot of
Charlemagne. Well the Vex like a
Vivek the Snake
He's he's Fodee
Why? Why do you say that?
Because he wasn't this guy three years ago
What was he like three years ago?
He was like a tech bro like I'm going to he was doing a thing being trumped
He's medical, he was medical
No, he's a tech bro. He made his money like tech
Medical dude
You don't even know who the guy is
You just made money in tech
You're the guy with the media straw man, I hate to bring it to you
I don't know, I fuck He could be a silver tongue devil, I don't know He's a snake bro, he's a snake I
Could be a silver tongue devil, I don't know bro. He's a snake. Why why do you guys think so you're being you're being swooned by a snake man, I'm just hearing the man out
What are his major points? I was he standing on he's America first, okay?
All right, I do like America for America people you people you elect should be the people who run the government
He repeats it 50,000 times
Yeah, the people you elect should be the people that run the government. That's fair, but he's not good if he gets elected
He's not gonna be the guy running the government
He's gonna fall as soon as he wins. He's gonna fall in line. I mean you can they can't you never mind
I was a people you like can't run it all completely, but maybe they can
I can't run it all completely, but maybe they care. I'm just never asleep.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm not gonna get mired down in the details.
I'm talking about just in terms of a verbal sparring.
Charlemagne got whooped yet again, dude.
Oh, they were debating.
They had a push-up off, dude.
It was such a weird...
Wait, Charlemagne lost the push-up off?
He technically tapped out first,
but then Charlemagne claimed like, haha, I made you
do that fool.
It was the weirdest.
Their dynamic might be, and they keep just clashing it.
Like he keeps coming back.
I think Charlemagne likes that shit.
Clashing.
Just having a break.
They're both silver tongue tricksters.
True.
Yeah.
I'd say one is slightly less of a silver tongue though.
Charlemagne's no.
He's kind of, he's right at it. The passive word smack, I'd say one is slightly less of a silver tongue though. Charlemagne's no... He's kind of... He's right ass.
He has a word smacks, I would say.
The fake is a...
The fake's bizarre.
You watch him and it's just like, holy shit, this guy's so good at talking.
Look at his eyes.
He smiles.
His smiles suck.
Why?
Because his eyes are not...
You just hate Hindus, dude.
You just fucking hate Hindus.
I don't hate Hindus.
I don't hate Hindus.
I don't hate Hindus, but I don't know that I'm ready for a Hindu president.
I'm so ready for a Hindu president. That's my thing. I don't care Hindu, but I don't know that I'm ready for a Hindu president.
I'm so ready for a Hindu president.
That's my thing. I don't care about his politics. I just want a Hindu president.
If I can't eat hamburgers, I want to fucking flip.
Get a pan ham burger.
He's gonna ban all cow products even.
Thanks, not Banny Hamburgs.
I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I want to pull the reek and president
before we have a Hindu president. Just cause I feel like it's just,
I don't know the next step.
Like, all right, white and black, that makes sense.
It was like, y'all, then we got here,
then we can't have a Native American president.
They're gonna cost too much chaos.
They got a lot of pent up old rage.
We gotta have another black president first.
I'm not even like a completely black president.
Can we all grade red and black
that we'll have no women presidents?
Yeah, for sure. Can we all agree red and black that we'll have no women presidents?
We'll sign the papers later.
Girls have never become the president.
What's the matter?
They try.
Yeah.
It's nobody stopping them. No girl has a tricky enough tongue.
They're tricksters.
I mean dude, Hilldog was pretty nice.
What?
You know what?
I gotta be honest.
I did love Hilldog.
You did?
I loved Hilldog.
You know what?
You know what?
You know what?
I did was fumble conversation.
Hot sauce work on you?
Yeah.
You really thought it was like that?
Oh my gosh.
Yes. Hot sauce? She's like us's the only point that was respectable about that
is when they called her out for it.
They were like, you know they're gonna say
she's paying the rent at Blah Blah Blah.
She's like, is it working?
Like that, that I respect.
She did pull out hot sauce though,
like at the end I think.
Oh, that's crazy that she packed hot sauce.
You think she packed it,
or do you think she actually carries hot sauce
in the back?
She does not carry hot sauce.
I don't know dude, she is from Arkansas. I don't think it's bro. She doesn't
She needs to make a comeback
She needs to make a comeback hillbough hill dog needs
Forces that would be so that would yo trump Clinton like he's VP or the president we already decided
She can try but yeah for some reason girls cannot become the president No, I've been supporting them with all my my platform. I've been like girl. I don't care what they're about
I just want a girl president.
Girl become president.
Yeah, you go girl.
I just want a you go girl so hard.
You go girl.
Girl boss.
Thank you.
Mickey Haley was getting up there.
Man, I don't know man.
I don't think she's not going to beat the teedog, bro.
Nah, she's not going to beat the teedog.
True.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
It was just fun to watch as I watched the first
Vivek versus Charlemagne the breakfast club and they had this lady who was like on a screen and she was just
brutal, dude, yeah, brutal. It was just total girl logic of like he'd make a point
But yeah, but what about this and he beg well, yeah, I obviously was a doctor. Okay. Thank you
That's all I want to know
I was a doctor. Okay, thank you, that's all I wanted to know. I was a doctor. Does he have an accent?
I haven't really listened to him.
He doesn't have an accent.
No, no, no, no.
He's, yeah, he's almost like totally non-regional.
He was stuntin' though, being like,
he spent $20 million on his presidential campaign
out of his own pocket.
Charlemagne was kinda hitting him like,
pshh, damn dude, sucks to be you.
And he was like, bro, 20 million is nothing to me. He was stunted on him so hard. And he was like, pshh, damn dude, sucks to be you. And he's like, bro, 20 million is nothing to me.
He was stunted on him so hard.
And he was like, you gotta understand,
in my position, 20 million is like.
This light work.
Basically, he's like, I knew,
he's like, I was gonna put more in if I kept going, but.
It'd be so funny if he was like, I'm ruined.
I was Charlemagne, I'm ruined.
Can I have a job here?
I'm a Silver Tongue Trickster too.
People complain about presidents all coming for money,
but I'd be mad as shit if my president didn't know
how to get money.
Like you're gonna run the country,
but you can't get money out here in Eastbrook.
But you can't.
We need a poor president.
No.
Wasn't he a poor?
Or was he fake?
He was fake.
He was like a lawyer.
Andrew Jackson was the people's president. He was poor as hell
But he's up but oh, but poor back. They didn't suck use me
Coming back for being poor like in that time. No, that's like when you did it
But now we've been we're too we've been too powerful different for too long. There's too many ways to get money
One of those guys gets up at 3 a.m, then switches to lift and just never sleeps. Just never. Just the work ethic on that man.
I love Uber drivers that are making like 3,500 a week.
Dude, it's my favorite person.
I had one that was sleeping in his car. He was like a big fad.
Yeah.
Excuse my, you know, he was a heavy set man.
Yeah.
You're a fadism?
Yeah, he was pretty fat.
He was big as hell and he was like, I gotta be honest're fat as him? Yeah, he was pretty fat.
He was big as hell and he was like, I gotta be honest with you, man, I sleep in here.
This is where I live.
I just like kick the driver's seat back and it sucks.
But he told me about his plan to make a zillion dollars.
Did he say a zillion?
No, it was probably five grand.
Really?
He wants to go to like Nebraska or something.
He was like, Florida's too expensive.
I can't stay here anymore.
I gotta leave my mind. Damn, what you gonna do though what the Ubs are gonna drop off out in Nebraska. Yeah, Nebraska
Maybe like the college town where he just dominates the market like it's just him
True trying to get in the it's probably like in Nebraska Uber is probably like a novelty. Oh, like you just oh shit
I got one
Sit there for 30 minutes and it just pings. True.
He's going to evolve to Door Dash Driver when
he gets in the brass tru.
Oh, true.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Well, if he's already a fat, that could be tough though.
Oh, he could deliver.
I've heard Door Dash Drivers pick one order per shift
and just gobble it.
Because they can all take one missed order per shift.
Someone told me this, and they can take, like,
if one thing doesn't get there, they're like, whatever.
Because for them, it's like they'd rather take that one bad order
than not stop and eat and waste the time.
So they just pick one thing, munch it,
and then the people are like, where are my food?
And Uber just refunds on me.
Keep it rolling.
Pretty succinct system.
Yeah, I like the Uber Foods teams, too.
And like someone puts like a couple in there working.
Yeah.
I like that.
I always feel like that's the, like a dude who got caught cheating before.
And she's like, get not using this as an excuse.
I'm coming for the boy.
They have their kids in there too sometimes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like to, I see the chair in there always saying, listen to your mother boy.
Listen to your mother boy.
Give me my food.
Listen to your mother boy
Whole family some but you they're definitely much of your fries of a whole family
Boy that would torture me dude the ninth McDonald's run I'd like mom seriously just pizza show it up Like give me a pet just one pet mom
Seriously just pizza show it up like give me a pet just one pet
Take one of the ones that's like on the crust a little bit this
That's the no avi you can't take a cheesy one no got the whole because then you'll pull all the cheese Yeah, you can see the cheese is lighter if you let the pepperoni. It's like when you like put furniture on a carpet
It's a when you like put furniture on a carpet That might be a way to get a free like pizza you order on Uber eats take a pep and then just take a picture
Some of the two I'm like I know someone took it's a pet missing. Yeah, true
I'm sure if you hit the Uber AI I'm almost certain to smolion eight-year-old eat a slice
The only thing that does that I guess now I'm sure if you hit the uber AI man. I'm almost certain a Somalian eight-year-old. He just Taken to the land
How are those guys doing how are the Somalian pirates doing I hope they're doing all right, I think they're okay. They landed that big movie that was tight
How are the Somali and Pirates doing? I hope they're doing all right.
I think they're okay.
They landed that big movie, that was tight.
I don't know how it just came in and were like,
yo, here's a bunch of money.
We need real pirates.
You think they took in anybody?
You know how like when they do mob movies,
they got a couple real mob, so it's beyond set?
I think they did have some real pirates.
Oh, good for you.
Your attitude of like, make sure.
The Captain now man was a real pirate,
I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, dude.
It wasn't an act.
Really?
You gotta have those guys.
What a come up.
That's kind of a crazy Somali and pirate story
Do you think that pirate captain never like you know what did anybody what do you mean like you know?
I don't want to get you to
The pirate
Oh, no, there is they do have a code she might have asked for parley
It's a part of the washbook. Oh, no, there is they do have a code. I don't know. She might have asked for parlay. Yeah
I don't want to get YouTube 18 plus American
I hope that pirate they cast it didn't although, you know, what would Hollywood care? Yeah, Hollywood That's probably why I would fucking Holly weird
That's great. That was great. I'm the real people's champion. Man. Man.
Dude, we're about to get mentally devastated the next year for the election.
Everyone's about to get butt-fucked.
Yeah, and all my agronomies are showing me like war.
It's just like, be scared.
Oh, I've been getting crushed by the Super Bowl presidency.
Yeah.
Hosts, have you seen those yet?
No.
Like last time the chiefs and the Niners played in the Super Bowl was the last time
that Donald Trump and Biden ran against each other.
What do you think is gonna happen this time?
They're gonna use Taylor Swift to sway the vote.
I can't read it.
Taylor Swift swayed the, why is she swaying to the Dems?
Little teen girls.
Yeah, because she sold her soul, bro.
I feel like she's not gonna sway to the Dems. I think as well, you know what? Kelce or Fyre's are Kelce? Yeah, because she sold her soul, bro. I feel like she's not going to sway to the Dems.
I think it's, well, you know what?
Kelser Fizer, uh, Fizer Kelser.
Yeah, I agree.
Is he a lib?
Is he a lib?
I don't know if he's lib, but he definitely is a Fizer,
like, spokesperson.
Oh, right.
And he started doing that as soon as him and Taylor Swift
started fucking.
What?
It was almost like they were like,
you can have Taylor if you fucking-
She's got the Fizer pussy.
Yeah.
He's got the Derno pussy, dude.
That does sound good, though.
I don't know why.
Pfizer pussy, dude.
They probably been like injecting it and like crafting the perfect fucking snitch.
Just.
Like, like aesthetically tight inside.
You think Taylor Swift has a fat pussy or like a skinny one?
Probably like, yeah, she's got the paper cut, bruh.
I'm imagining a good hybrid, like a low-fat but not too fat.
Sounds like a buttery mini butt.
Yeah, a buttery mini butt.
Just take glistens when it's wet.
Yeah, I think she has a chunky monkey, brother.
You think she has a chunky?
I don't know.
I'll be honest.
This is all just speculation.
I'm so sure.
Yeah, dude.
All the dudes, she's like, she's quietly slaying everybody she is ran through she's run really yeah
I haven't been falling through who she even running through everybody
You think honey I smashed she hasn't had one black guy right now one black not to my knowledge
She's she's like she had to drive she ride she had to ride like what the game last week
You're fruity bull
Frutiball is
Sick though dude there was a homoothug bar in West Philly.
Like, dude, those dudes fucking rule.
Yeah, we're terrifying though.
We're terrifying.
I know.
But since you're tough as fuck,
can you imagine all the shit you had to go to
to be gay and a thug?
In Black High School?
Yeah.
And you have, everyone has to know you're tough.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
You get tried all the time.
I bet he has tons of bodies he's done things to.
Maybe.
Yeah.
You think in pyre style?
I'm thinking pyre style.
I don't know man.
Running on their ships.
Or is there like a soft side to the thug
that you never, the love life might be very soft side.
Just tender?
But they're so tender.
Like the wire guy. They're very soft. Just tender. But so tender. Like the wire guy.
You're only a wire guy.
Oh my.
Oh my.
I forget his dude's name though, but the light skinned boy, he was devastated when they
got him.
That's what broke him.
That guy.
Baby girl.
Yeah, we don't have a spotlight, homo thugs enough.
Studs get all the attention.
Yeah.
Studs get all of the attention.
Cause you can fuck a stud. Yeah, right. Studs get all the attention yeah studs get all of the attention and it's you know
President before you fuck take down
It's called sneaky studs
Who are they who are there is it showing their lovers they their lovers they pick? No, they're trying to like get some.
But they pick a guy like me.
Yeah, dude, you can snatch it up real quick, dude.
My stud?
Yeah.
Now are they a grasshopper?
Sneaky stud.
Are they submissive at all?
Are they trying to be dominoes the whole time?
I haven't been in it.
I got to be honest.
I haven't had a success, but I've been in the group.
I've been looking around.
You've been trying to corral stud? Yeah, I thought you had a success, but I've been in the group. I've been looking around you been trying to grow
I'll stud. Yeah, you have before forgive me for bringing up personal information. Well, I don't think that counts
Yeah, yeah, cuz he looked feminine at the time if I remember I remember the pigeon you show. Yeah, she was like in a bikini
Yeah, he bagged a theater John
Not a stud not a stud is I mean dude have you seen the new true
detective though no there's a sneaky stud in there you have to watch it it might
be the funniest shit I have ever seen yeah it's the toughest bitches dude I
didn't know I feel I'm not being a jerk I did not know girls could be that tough. Yeah, so fucking tough. Yeah, and are they smart too? Oh my it's crazy
Women are naturally good detectives. Yeah, very like that is up there. That's up there
Like that is up there. That's up there alley. Did they solve the crime on Instagram?
It's forced cream pie it's okay this stud. Yeah, it's a fucking Jodie Foster, I think yeah Yeah, and then I don't know the lady's name God forgive me, but it's just a
Just of the top with the John's. Yeah, she got the temple beer things
What dude and they have Jodie Foster? It's like a classic buddy cop dynamic where it's like a racist old curmudgeon. And like, you know, I think she's like native, whatever
in the native, maybe I don't know. She's definitely putting on hard for the inuits.
Like the whole time Jodie Foster will be like, like the lady's super tough. Then Jodie Foster
is like a tough white bitch. So she'll be like, yeah, why don't you go do some of your Inuit voodoo with your animal spirit
dumbass hole.
And it's like, dude, it sounds like people,
you know people who don't curse, curse?
It sounds like that with racism.
They're like, yeah, why don't you use a voodoo doll
your old Inuit Alaskan bitch?
There's no white ladies out there being like.
That racist.
And it's like so bad too.
If she was racist, she would have called her Eskimo.
Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right. She's like, my too. If she was racist she would have called her Eskimo
My animal spirit eats old white ladies like you for lunch
The mystery is pretty tantalizing
Like do this shot in the area where it's technically shot nicely I don't want to ruin it, but it's supposed to be like a part of Alaska where it's nighttime for like two months
Yeah, which is a sick setting. It's like snow everywhere. It's a cool idea
Yeah, but then it's just these tough ass bitches dude non-stop force cream pie first episode
Second episode would appear to be another force cream pie or a quick bus
My brother brought up a fair point
Like you couldn't really you couldn't really prove that a dude didn't intentionally come in court
Hmm because you like how would you prove a force cream pie in court if you're a dude and you got force cream
Pie by force. Yeah, I'm gonna kick ass
I do force cream pie. He was like no no no and then fucking the tough Alaskan bitch was like shut up
He was like no no no and the fucking the tough Alaskan bitch was like shut up
I thought you meant like he was forced cream pie
God damn it we're 18 plus. Just like that. Every single person has to sign into their YouTube. God damn it.
Bro?
First of all, she's head row.
Second of all, I mean, it was a shocker.
It was a shocker.
And the dudes are so girlish, too, on the show.
The guys literally, I don't know if this is like a,
almost a shocker, but it was a shocker.
And the dudes are so girlish, too, on the show.
The guys literally, I don't know if this is like a, almost a shocker, but it was a shocker. It was a shocker. And the dudes are so girlish too on the show.
The guys literally, I don't know if this is like a,
almost like a theatrical twist.
So like, you know, it's like being played up on purpose.
So this is what they think it is.
But it's like a longer hair dude,
like naked under the sheets, like, don't go.
Just stay here.
And it's like, she's like,
nah, you know how I am with my job
Thanks for fucking blasting me with giz I gotta be on my way now
She just does a piss, pulls the panties right back on
I gotta take my cumwalt
I can't fit this case out of my head
The old white ladies like
Where you at you fucking Indian bitch
Some guy just spitting my ass.
I feel like, what the fuck is this?
But the mystery is good, the show, it looks like it was a good script.
You're selling this to me.
I'm gonna watch the whole thing.
Dude, the one lady comes in, the lady with the two things in her face, she comes in and like to the camera like makes a tough face. She'll come in and be like
And then it'll cut to something else. It's like dude. What the it's yeah insane, dude
She'll for real come in and just be like mean mug and then it'll be like a close-up on someone being like
Iced Ike does sound like a nice rapper
There'd be a style like that. Yeah, they would definitely be I could see you still taking that on yeah
That's the one word that like no no, no, it's not like it hasn't really no one's lost a job over that yeah
You know what I mean? It's kind of like I'm glad I work for you
If you watch the CGI take I did not laugh at all
Phenetically it is a winner though, but it's a winning phrase
Got the hard K. It just plays things up in comedy if you know comedy theory at all they take that as a compliment to like they wear that shit is like a man's honor it's not I don't know it's not an insult nothing
feel good insult actually studs are fucking dude I'll be honest studs are
fucking with the podcast what do you mean studs fuck with this body yeah bro Yeah
That's what I think the finale of true detectives gonna be just a peg I'm just pegging the murderer Like all right a finish in both of us
They pick up the death
That would be nasty the worst way to go
Gaped by some stuff
Jody Foster specifically like she's kind of old and really frail and skinny just fucking
Having them increase the kink slowly throughout the new true detective would be the funniest thing in the world I bet old Jodie Foster spits in an asshole before she fucks you she goes
Spits and it puts a thumb and it goes you're ready
Dude you just reminded me I had a thumb butthole dream last night really. I had a thumb butthole dream last night.
Really?
I had a thumb butthole dream.
As soon as you said that, I was like, holy shit, I was dreaming about it.
I was dreaming last night about getting all the thumb I wanted.
Just like, just right in there.
Just getting like a thumbs up from the front and you're like, oh, for sure.
It's about time you got with the program.
Sorry, this is a dream I had.
You got a double thumb, like thumb, thumbs up.
Thumb thumbs up? Yeah.
You're the other guy.
True.
Lucy is upping the nicotine pouch game with breakers' pouches,
packing a little something extra inside.
If you know your pouches, you know that the nicotine doesn't hit immediately and neither does the flavor. The geniuses at Lucy came up with a brilliant way to fix
both those problems. They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breakers pouch. Here's what you do,
grab a breakers pouch and break the capsule. Yes, with your teeth. It really makes a satisfying
pop. Put it in your lip and enjoy the immediate nicotine
and flavor release.
Nobody is doing anything like this except for Lucy.
It's a new kind of pouch technology
and it's only available from Lucy.
I eat 40 of them a day and I've never felt better.
Here's the breakers breakdown.
Four or eight milligrams of tobacco-free,
100% pure nicotine, six delicious flavors, unique ones
like apple ice or espresso in classics like mint or mango.
And also, to be fair, for my personal endorsement, I've tried these things before.
They burn my mouth, any nicotine product, but then the flavor comes and I'm like, oh,
yeah, and then I throw up, so I can't handle the nicotine. Break up with your dusty gas station pouches
and go to lucy.co slash drenched and use promo code drenched to get 20% off your first order.
Lucy offers free shipping and has a 30 day refund policy if you change your mind. That's
lucy.co and use code drenched to get 20% off and always free shipping. And here comes a
fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.
Warning, this product contains nicotine.
Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
True Classic is here to help you end the old year with a new you and close that'll give
you the confidence to tackle those 2024 resolutions.
That's quite the sentence.
Out with the old ratty t-shirts and sweat stains and holes, true classics,
ultra comfortable, perfect fitting essentials range from fitted t-shirts, athleisure, jeans,
sweaters, outerwear, and more. True classic has everything you need to hit the gym,
take it slow, or treat yourself to something nice. They've already helped over 2 million men
look great in their apparel, and now you can save big while you do so.
For a limited time only get 25% off when you shop now with my exclusive link at trueclassic.com
slash drenched.
D-E-R-E-N-C-H-E-D drenched.
My whole closet is all true classic because they send me shirts all the time so it's all
I wear and I will say they're comfortable.
I'll be honest if I didn't like them I would just say they're cool.
They're genuinely comfortable shirts and they kind of make you look jacked as they hug your shoulders
All the shirts are made to accentuate the places the eyes go to first
Tighter in the arms and chest but leaves a perfect amount of room for your midsection
The best part is that true classic sells premium products at an affordable price. You can get their best-selling
I'm sorry
You can get their best-selling t-shirts hoodies jeans jeans, and more in three, six, and nine packs.
When it comes to sweatshirts, their hoodies and crews will become your go-to for casual
Fridays, game days, and trips to the gym.
I'm a huge fan of their zip hoodie, which I pretty much wear every single day.
Seriously, you can choose, oh, sorry, seriously, whatever you choose, you can't go wrong with
true classic.
All their clothing can be mixed and matched and designed to work with your lifestyle so
that you can look and feel great and feel your best each and every day.
In fact, True Classic is so committed to the products they even have a 100% perfect fit
guarantee and easy returns.
So if you're ready to upgrade your closet shop now with our exclusive link at TrueClassic.com
slash drenched and save up to 25% off your first order.
Make 2024 your most stylish year yet
with True Classic. Again, shop now with our exclusive link at TrueClassic.com slash drenched
and save up to 25% off your first order. Back to the show. Damn, imagine a stud with a long wingspan who could reach all the way back and get you from behind
while you're getting that peak.
Oh, WMB Amistad.
Bring me Grimeer.
It's only fair.
It's only fair.
It's only fair.
MEWMBA stud can fucking totally do that.
Just get you.
Like a good center.
As good as dunking. that's as good as dunking
somehow great find like through your legs
it's only fair you gotta just submit and just let what happens having the me Link your other two thumbs
That's gay avatar
You are one sneaky
That's a subreddit I saw one uh I saw a sneaky stud post the other day the girl was like that's it
I'm done y'all can't creep your mouth quiet
I'm not
I thought it was just like a picture so it's a sub for studs that are like I don't want anybody to know
I'm not completely gay. Yeah
We get that yeah reverse closet dude
That's gotta be the funniest conversation in the world though just a dude Dennis Stud being like what the fuck dude
Why'd you tell everyone we fucked?
Like I was oddly proud
Nobody believed me
I'm straight I'll be
Just like two people pulling their pants up in the street like yo dude for real fucking knock it off And they start just kissing
That's gay porn
I was drinking I get for being a miserable fucking ass
I'm drinking at a party last night, and I like I was shooting shots in the morning
But at the party I like hurt my we're playing beer pong like I hurt my quads playing beer
In full jumpers playing beer pop. I wasn't in full jumpers, but it was intense
We did go three and one me and me and my geeky did a good job. Did you really? Yeah, nice. Yeah, it was wet
You were shooting shots. You say you're shooting shots. Yeah, and I fucking pulled my quads
It's crazy. It's not good
Yeah, and I fucking pooled my quad. Damn.
That's crazy.
That's not good.
Yeah.
What was the ratio at the party?
I need to go, guys, girls.
Was it a sausage?
No, it was a good ratio.
It was a good ratio.
The term sausage, man.
I just hold it down.
If I go to a family party, I'm like, kind of a fucking sausage.
You just need bitches at the party.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies. You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies. You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies. You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies. You used to feel so bad when you pull up with all the homies.
You're part of the problem.
Drink zero bitches.
Drink two beers, punch a hole in the wall.
Well, no, then you take the party to the bar and at that point you're just a terrorist cell.
The salsa fest hits the bar at the bar.
You're militarized.
You have to get into a fight at that point, you're just a terrorist cell. The sausage fest hits the bar at the moment.
Bro.
You're a militarized...
You have to get into a fight at that point.
That's the only next best thing to get into pussy.
You have to get into a fight.
Yeah, I know.
That's the Jersey Shore.
When you sit down on the Jersey Shore, you try to get pussy.
When you don't get pussy, you're getting too fired.
You beat up the boys, you're the other guys.
You guys have a brawl?
Yep.
First one to get the thumb to the butt hole wins.
I might take that up in a fight.
Just go, I swear to God, I'm at the age now where like, I just can't risk it.
I'm gonna go full sexual just like, thumb on the butt hole and make it sure you want to do this.
I'll have a gun right on my head and I'll go, you sure?
Just mutually assured destruction.
That is the reset button, like on an alarm clock.
Can you imagine having a gun to your head and the guy goes,
oh, because she's so close.
Oh.
That'd be crazy.
He just gets more aggressive, fucking go deeper.
He takes it from you, he's just like, fuck.
He realizes he's gay, he's done for himself.
I didn't know.
I've lied to my family and my wife.
All the homies are there, all the studs, it or not.
But that's for real though, this is this is like, this is like modern psychology,
but like if you are in a closet,
you should just kill yourself, dude.
Why?
It's so okay.
Could be gay, dude, just be gay.
Yeah, but why, you wouldn't do it.
I was goofing.
Obviously I know.
You guys abandoned me.
I'm sorry.
It's your second horrible thing you said.
What I'm saying is this, you gotta, if I was gay,
I'd wanna be in the claw, that's a special,
it's like a birthday party you can only have just once.
So you can't just like come out and be like,
yo I'm ready for some duke.
You have to like, you gotta tease it out.
You gotta like show your dad your penis.
I don't know the process, I think you come out
and you say dad.
When your age you just stomp weird and your dad's like,
that's no fruity.
Gotta take him away from his mom for a little bit. Yeah, I don't know.
That is such a fun interaction.
Just be like, dad, I'm fucking gay.
I'm a son.
It's up so you could blow it.
Like, that's what you get one shot at having a good reveal.
And there's no going back.
But like, if your parents are good,
if your parents are good, don't your parents are good though, no.
Cause like they've been watching your whole life.
Not if you're a homo thug.
Not if you're a homo thug.
If you're a homo thug, that's gonna be a big surprise.
Like when did it happen?
Was it in jail?
No, way before.
That's why I went to watch Chilz's life.
Yeah, some guy found out I was gay, I killed him.
I killed every guy I ever fucked that's what that's what happens with guys like
trans that they don't know if they get so mad like I'm gay and they kill yeah
there was a guy who and Philly chopped a trans lady up goddamn like he was a
contractor and he fell for the sauce dude and he fucking like he had like tools
and just chopped this person up and threw him in the river
Yeah, that's great. That's rugged. There was also a
I don't remember who it was a fairly politician who got like mugged by
John Fetter
He could beat up any trans in this country. I still think John Federman, post-stroke, I think he could beat up any trans in this country.
I'd be saying, raw power, raw facts, no ideology behind it, I would put money on him.
There's a suit if they get a little estrogen in the system, they're done.
Yeah.
I bet he carries weapons under him.
For John Federman, he's a huge man. Yeah, for sure, for sure. He has weapons under his hoodie. I bet he carries weapons for John Federman. He's a huge man. Yeah
He has weapons under his hoodie. I bet it's like a sword or a mace
UFC I don't know but then a trans UFC later, you know, oh
Doesn't happen anymore. They should just have like a trans they don't like to see
Yeah, why not? Yeah, you could like still see dong, but just giant tits on them, like unreasonably big tits.
It would be the biggest tits in the UFC.
Don't be gross.
We're talking about trans athletics.
We're talking about the revered institution
of trans athletics in America, dude.
It's definitely a fact, though.
They think trans UFC, they would be the biggest tits in the UFC
for sure.
Would guys beat off to it?
Yeah, obviously.
But that's not what trans sportsmanship is about.
No, it's about excellence.
And sexuality.
Yeah.
Insexuality.
Might it be ultimate surrender rules?
Maybe, we don't know.
Okay, still pioneering the field.
Yeah, trans UFC is the first thumb in the butt.
That's the one, thumb in the butt loses. That's a bit of a first commitment. They used to actually do that in wrestling. Youering the field. Yeah, trans UFC is the first thumb in the butt. That's the one. Thumb in the butt loses.
That's a bit of a first myth.
They used to actually do that in wrestling.
You check the Earl.
What?
That's the move.
Is that a move?
If you're screwed, you'd give them a little fucking what for, and then you'd get out of
their whole mess.
That's a good move.
Unless they love it.
What about a honk?
Unless they're homeless.
Did you ever do a fucking...
I never did a honk.
Yeah, that also might power someone up.
Yeah, sometimes you check the Earl, yeah.
Just to get them off you. Sometimes you're dead check the early yeah you ever encounter a natural power bottom who just fucking
screwed fuck gets like cum strength Just those four seconds of ultimate strength.
Every muscle fired in the ride.
Does it work?
Does it pop a guy right off you?
It works, yeah.
You never go in there, but you kind of just...
You let him know.
You let him know, you go, get the heck off me.
Unhand me.
Feigned.
There's more to this cover.
I'm going to use my face next. I got to be honest. If I'm going to win, I'm gonna use my face next.
I gotta be honest, if I'm gonna win, I'm just gonna take it.
If I'm really close to a win, I'm like,
yo, we gotta do this three seconds.
Oh, it's only three seconds?
True.
Yeah, but dude, imagine.
Oh, that's tough, though.
That's three seconds?
Yeah, because if you're ever in your, like, wrestling career,
when pinning somebody, you're gonna kinda want to thumb in your butt.
Because that's gonna be, like, as you're pinning someone you're just like, oh fucking yes.
Every pin you did from there would just feel empty.
You'd have to grab his hand and stuff.
It's like something's missing.
It's sex on ecstasy.
Like you can't go bad.
I don't see how people have sex on Molly.
I got micro, but it was crazy. I don't see how people have sex on Molly.
I got micro, but I was crazy.
The smallest dick.
Oh, it was insane.
I'm actually never tried it.
I've never tried it.
I feel like I'm getting too old to give it my first shot.
Oh, you gotta do it, dude.
Yeah, you don't think it'll kill?
Like I'll be worried about trying to lose it in my opinion.
Are you like, how do you handle coffee?
Does coffee fuck you up?
Nah, not really. It'll be be fine I'm the biggest stimulant
baby like a full cup of coffee spins me out yeah Molly is kind of a stimulant but
it's like if it's not cut with speed it's like yeah I had like a bug out for
like 10 minutes as it kicked in I was just like yeah and then I just not that
whatsoever started rubbing then it was probably yeah the nicest feeling ever
for hours it's worth the weird woozy onset
Okay, you get a real lightheaded. You're like, what the fuck? I want to try it
I just hate to have like your first time doing any drug kill you just feels like a bad
I have the most sensitive system of stimulants like dude if I drink this if I drink this is a full cup of coffee
Yeah, I'm like lightheaded and bugging out. Okay. like, it's definitely you're like, oh my God, but it's like not, if I could handle
it, I would say most people could.
I would take it though.
I don't know how people go and take it at parties dude.
That's crazy.
That's the best spot.
I like the lights.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Like hours after you took it or like one hour?
Like one hour and but it was how was that I was chilling
I was already drunk, so I just rambled for 20 minutes. It was like a it was Cullum's midnight show
So it's kind of not real standard. I just like oh, yeah
Ellie ached and it's like oh, it's like yeah, it's like a venue for dudes who were kind of under the influence exactly
Yeah, it was fine. Okay, but what a joke I can never do again
my Because you're under the influence. It doesn't work. Yeah. Yeah, one time. I was on Molly and this is what I said
But yeah, do with your babe. I sort of that's the I think that's the best thing for it
But don't fuck on it. You could try
Are you y'all said micro bear have a micro bro? It was crazy
I think what it back in the day the ecstasy was highly cut with speed. So people were probably just having like mech
I'm sex. Yeah
Which is another epidemic in this country chem sex killing everybody's killing whole all kinsen
No, no, that's like I don't think there's much
That's like a drink sex gay dudes are ripping like meth
And just going it's like a thing that's hard to shake Like if you want to talk about pinning someone with the thumb of your butt the meth sex is apparently like there's like rehab
specifically designed for it
And then dudes have to stop and you're just like bro, it's crazy because you're taking something
It's like if you were somehow ramped up jerking off times a million
It's like you're just gonna jerk off. Yeah, it's tough if you like like
Taking addictive thing and attach it to your sex life. That's tough to come back from chasing the ultimate nut
You can you'll never stop. I'm telling you. It's a fucking. It's a problem, dude
You know, there's a there's a sub ready for that, too
I bolt in a nut. It's fun fun fun fun fun. Yeah, what's that?
Spun you go have some fun. Oh, I see. Yeah, you better not get into camp sex
But you keep you the man is only person
I have some darkness in there
I thought it was me. I told you dude I have some darkness in there.
I thought I did.
Dude I went deep.
Spun fun is deep.
That's crazy.
I'm happy how it fits.
I was just looking you know.
How the vids?
The vids?
No they're brutal.
It's always girls with like pancake tits.
Just like actual addicts.
Yeah meth bodies.
I can get in that.
I think you can do a deep dive in hobos.
I had a face, right?
I used to watch like Crack Head porn.
I had to get out of that.
Which are better, I would say the meth heads,
in terms of, you know.
They're about the same, right?
They got some grit to them.
Titties are sagging, titties are sagging,
pretty hard on them too, but.
It's like usually outside or in like a motel, yeah. Yeah, working it. Working though, man. God damn, the pretty hard on them too. It's like usually outside or in a motel. Yeah.
Working it.
Working though, man.
Goddamn, the work ethic on them is crazy.
It looks like they're in love with it.
Like, you would believe that that's their guy,
the way they're working for it.
Before I left Philly, there was a lady
at 30th Street Station.
She was like, you could tell she was new on meth
because she was still kind of hot, you know?
But then when I was leaving a couple months ago,
I saw her again and I was like, ah. You had your shot. Yeah, she was ruined by the meth, cause she was still kinda hot, you know? But then like when I was leaving a couple months ago, I saw her again and I was like, ah.
You had your shot.
Yeah, she was ruined by the meth dude.
I had a lady one time when I was delivering beer and Philly,
she had for real like toothless or had like many missing teeth
and she straight up was like,
I'll suck your dick in that van for whatever it was,
like 25 bucks.
And I was like, I had a damn truck.
I was like, I had a hand drop. And I was like, no thank you.
It took like 12 seconds to respond.
I like went in, dropped a thing, like a five case
of beer off came back to ask her.
I was like, nah, I won't be doing that.
And she was like, it'll be the best.
And I'm like, I don't deny it.
It'll probably be so fantastic.
But I was like, I can't open that camera.
She was missing these two teeth?
I think she was missing like a lot like here here. I'm a word
Dick holes. It was I mean
She was built she was built for it dude the coming bears
That's a sensation. I've always been intrigued by but I don't think I'll ever experience
I was on the doorstep. I was on the doorstep. I mean they could back out all your girlfriends
I was on the doorstep. I was on the doorstep. I mean they could back out all your girlfriends
I mean it's gotta be crazy. It's a baby mouth
Stick your pinky out. Just a factory reset on the mouth.
It's like a fresh new.
Put your mark on it.
Yeah, but then you have the mindset of a 40 year old crack head.
Knowledge, bro.
Yeah, wisdom.
That's absolute wisdom.
Terms of head. That's wisdom. That's absolute wisdom. Just, Terms of head? Yeah.
The wisest, just the wisest in terms of that.
It's like the time crunch that they have,
suck and dick, like I need this,
I need this done, I need to get my crack.
They're making you pop in minute, minute and a half.
So they would've ruined my life.
She would've absolutely ruined my life.
You would've been chasing that nut.
I would've been smoking cracker there.
I'd be like, wait, what are we doing now?
What are you all about?
Your head's so good, you become a crack head. I was like, wait, what are we doing now? What are you all about?
You're head's so good, you become a crack head.
It exists, people, it happens, dude.
Oh yeah, I know people who have smoked crack late in life.
Whitney Houston?
Yeah.
She got Bobby Brown into cocaine.
I thought it was the other way around.
No, because Whitney Houston,
they used Bobby Brown to get Whitney Houston over.
I see.
Oh, she got him into cocaine.
Yeah. Yeah.
When did he start hitting her after the Coke or before?
After?
I don't think he hit her.
That was a ike.
You think that was?
Ike hit Tina for sure.
Oh, Bobby Brown didn't hit Whitney.
I don't think he hit Whitney.
I thought he did hit Whitney.
No, I think they just had a loud, toxic relationship.
OK.
I don't think they hit each other.
It's good.
You don't think you ever fucking pushed her?
No. No, he's good. You know, he ever fucking pushed her. No
No, he pushed her into that tub
You know, he definitely pushed us because she's fast. Yeah, I think I don't think he hit it But he definitely gave her like a good like
Did you grow up with your mom watching that movie every other day?
My mom watched The Bodyguard every other day.
I've thought about it now like, what about that movie was so intriguing to her.
Kevin Cosner?
Kevin Cosner just...
That's red team support, bro.
My mom finally have a thing I didn't realize.
Red team support?
She would never admit it.
I don't care.
She never ever go,
you always watch that damn Kevin Cosmer.
I'm snow brother.
My dad had red team support.
That's where I get it from with the snow body.
It's my older, I have an older sister.
I have an older sister that's like,
she's basically Puerto Rican
cause she was adopted by Puerto Rican people
But she's half black half white my dad got her pregnant in like the 60s and her mom was like we can't tell anybody about this
So say what now my dad got this lady
My bad my bad my bad my bad my bad my bad
She's basically Puerto Rican. She's basically Puerto Rican. Oh, we got this lady. You said you're like my sister says my dad got this lady pregnant
I said bro. Yeah He's basically Porter. Oh, we got this late. You said you were like, my sister says my dad got this lady pregnant.
I said, bro.
What?
You said this lady and that became your sister.
Just with people at home.
My dad wasn't fucking crazy.
Don't get it twisted.
Sorry, that's just a porn brain on this guy.
No, no, no.
Thank you for fixing that.
Thank you for fixing that.
That would have been devilish.
But the long story short, she just, she, we found her super late in life because my
dad was a snow bunny chaser.
And then I got one pregnant.
Seems like, yeah, run for your life.
It's genetic.
It's cool, I'm gonna get married to my girl,
we're gonna get divorced,
and then I'm gonna find a queen.
That's true.
I feel like only one guy at this table
has gotten a white girl pregnant.
Yeah.
Nobody.
Pull out kings. I don't think so. I hope I never did.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there.
I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there. I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there. I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there. I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there. I don't think I'll have a white bastard out there. Your best. Paul. Where's Paul? Your father came through this town
and did an okay 15 minutes one time.
One thing led to another.
And he died in the war.
The culture of war.
Mommy, why does that guy on YouTube look just like me?
Quiet down son, quiet down son.
Why is my flaccid penis so small, Mom? Put it away, I can't bear to look at it.
It reminds me of him.
It's all the way back into the body.
Retractable T.
Retractable T.
God damn, we still got what?
20 more minutes left on this motherfucker.
Did y'all see Kanye's new video, HIP Spazin'?
Kanye?
Yeah, it's a great one.
What's he spazin' about?
Some T of Z lady walks past him and asks him about his wife.
Does your wife have free will?
Bianca Sinsori?
Yeah, he has his Bianca. and he just starts spazzing like,
yo, why would you ask me that?
I'm a fucking legend.
I'm a grown ass superhero.
How he calls someone a grown ass superhero?
That's legend stuff, right?
He's so full.
It's crazy that he's getting pussy, and they're like,
oh, he definitely has her brainwashed.
It's like, what?
It's fucking Kanye.
Yeah, dude. It's every woman, like not every, he's definitely has her brainwashed. It's like, what? It's fucking Kanye. Yeah, dude.
Every woman, like not every, but I'd say 90, about 95%,
95% of them would be like, I'm taking the shot.
Yeah, to act like Kanye couldn't take your babe down is like,
I mean, you can do that if you want.
But like, I wouldn't be like, what the hell?
I'd be like, what?
Bro, I knew.
I knew.
Oh my god.
Yeah, it's not like he can't...
Yeah.
Kinda he can't get close to you.
We're being slain balls.
He's blessing us by getting married.
He's like, you guys, I'm gonna get married,
you guys can take the rest of the polls.
Yeah.
And dude, girls don't care if you like Hitler.
I'll be honest.
He's not done it.
Don't get my girl turned in on her.
They don't fucking care.
What's the one for miscommunity?
I forget her name.
Sandra Bullitt.
She like Hitler?
Well, I think her ex-husband was like big in the Nazi shit.
What?
Bruce Willis?
Jesse James, I think, right?
Jesse James was a Nazi.
Oh, he was like East Coast choppers.
Yeah, and then, and then so it came out that he was big in the Nazi shit, and then she tried to disown him, but like...
She divorced him?
Yeah, but they were already on their outs
cause she had to know that you don't get to marriage level
and just figure it out.
Was she like Aryan brotherhood?
He might've been like gang affiliated like.
That I don't know.
That just.
Or he was giving her straight up Nazi pipe.
Yeah.
That's tough dude.
It's probably.
The Jews who not replace us.
If you think you're fucking for a whole race though like you're going
Yeah, I'm in the pussy. I fuck black people all black people every time
What's up with black pan? Is that coming back?
No.
I am a revolutionary.
I think they're like, I am a revolutionary.
Aren't they supposed to try it with just a sister?
Oh, no.
Yeah, I think that was the plan.
Is that coming out?
I hope not.
They did that in the comics, but Marvel's, or Disney's back to like not doing movies a bunch. They're like
becoming calculated movie makers again. They needed a hard restart. They were fucking up.
Because it was the lady. I can't remember her name, but they did an episode of South Park, The
Pandiverse. The Pandiverse was out on it and the lady was like, okay, you better put a woman in it
and make it fucking gay. I mean, that episode was so good. How does South Park continue to smash this hard after 20 years?
My whole life almost.
South Park's been crushed.
I heard that so...
I always save them up and I'll watch the whole season.
They have a whole season.
I'll be right back. I gotta spit.
No problem.
I'm sick right now.
They have a whole season in four movies.
Yeah, eight of them.
That's a whole season.
And the new season is crazy because there's a episode where Mr. Garrison,
he has a husband and somebody's like, hey, dude, you were the president trying to go rally.
And I see you guys a secret before Mac gets back.
Yeah, I shit my pants this morning.
Oh, what? Where were you at?
Don't tell Matt. Hold on. What?
I heard the whole thing.
I was like, whoa, my nose. I tell you, I was working sick. I had to get it off my chest.
What happened? You shanked yourself? Yeah, I had a little squirt in my pajama pants.
Did you wake up with it or did you fully awake? It was this morning. This morning? Yeah.
Were you in your pajama bottoms? Yeah yeah it was not the best part of waking up
what diameter splatter are you talking about dude it was really like I so me
and the man went to the shindig last night we had a couple cold beers and
I woke up this morning had to take the garbage out forgot to have some
Gabagoo and I went in my pajama bottoms and I was in the kitchen making a cup of Joe and I didn't have any underwears on
And I was in my pajama
You thought it was gonna be a good fart. I thought it was gonna be a good fart and it just is like a total bird poop
You shoot yourself in pajama bottoms like a homeless guy
It went right on to the floor
You by yourself though, right?
It was like a bird shits on a car
And it was so
Okay, settle yourself scenario though just a load in the morning
Clean it up though. Did you finish your coffee first
Went to the turlet cleaned up the handled the problem at hand and. And then I took a wipes and cleaned up the mess I made.
God damn it, man. Yeah, I wanted to share, I wanted to get that.
What was the culprit food wise, do you think?
I appreciate you sharing.
I had that slice next to the Maudrais.
I thought you were gonna talk about the damn ditty dog.
The ditty dog has the bulgogi.
I forgot about the bulgogi.
Josh, you know the ditty dog, right?
It's a hot dog truck that is around,
it's by the Creek and they have really tasty hot dogs.
It's pretty good, Paul's.
They do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
I know.
I know.
Damn, did you crush the pizza and the dog? This was a while ago, but we were all there together
They're messing in your stomach though. I mean yeah, my bowels are in shambles
I think you got crows
Damn
Chinese clone
It's like power through just keep a lot of I think the I think the drummer from Creed had crows
My friend Brace has cr, shout out to Bryce.
Yeah, it's fucking sick. I might have got it from him.
Crones is just when you have a food allergy and you ignore it.
That's all crones is.
It's all in there.
If you have crones disease, you'll stop eating that and you'll not have it.
You know my allergy is alcohol. I'm allergic to alcohol, I guess.
Yeah, I'm allergic to 10 beers and a lot of drugs.
I can size this in pizza and drink in the morning. She might have an allergy. Yeah
Extreme gut health issues like a couple months before we moved here and I got my gut back on track But since I got here I have not been treating my body right and tough man
It seems like it's won't be tough out here to treat it right
It's just too much Tex-Mex and fucking awesome, and then so many yummy hot dogs
I mean I'll come you know get that
You can't walk like a block on six feet without passing a gliss day
Yeah, why would you eat a burger you're there? Why would you not eat a burger?
Why what's what scenario is there where you want to eat a true girls get hot dogs boys get
Ham that's what I'm saying burgers are so supreme to hot dogs. I don't know dude
But they get a little
They're gonna eat on is nice though. Yeah dog
You have one I want to play I just don't fuck with I don't like them
I don't like how is it the process is you know what's going on?
I like no even when I was little I'd like would munch what I had to burn them up though
Yeah, that would munch them. Yeah, I'd still be like
Crushed a burger
Something about this feels wrong. I can't do you butterfly dog. It looks just like a pussy
Butterfly and then like yeah It looks just like a pussy
Again, it was always a mystery to me I was always kind of like dude what the fuck is going on these things I think you would like the bulgogi fries though. What's the bowl?
Those are pretty nasty. They're destroyed with squads bowels. Yeah
Yeah, it gave us all the worst barricades. What about gogy for that? Is that Korean?
Oh, gogie is Korean. It's like Korean beef like loaded fries, but with like beef in fucking nice sauce
K-Pi would be nice. I mean, I'll shit your pants if you don't do that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Many diapers in 20
Hour to diaper
Waking up with a hard diaper I
Some butt-paste on you dude
Always get the crotch rod at the beach and use a diaper powder the Balm X right that's what it's called
Crotch right dude, that's my dad would call it when you pee in the ocean and then for some reason you get a rash after you pee in the ocean Yeah, my dad calls it monkey ass
Underneath your balls balls gets completely inflamed.
What kind of deal is that?
A baboon, yeah.
And the inside of your thighs.
And it just, it just hurts.
When you pee in the water, do you take your trunks off
or do you just like pee through the trunks?
What?
To take your trunks off is freaksy.
There's kids around.
Is that another subreddit you're on?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, we gotta talk about Vincent Mann being a freak boy on the page. Oh
Dude are they legit they're legit those are court back those are
He might be the freakiest And I was like dude, I don't know if he's a real or not and I was like this is pretty nuts
Yeah, we'll do an extensive deep dive. We should do an extensive deep dive with those
I want to get I want to really dig in
Do you ever do you ever pee in the shower when it's steamy and it hurts your penis? No, no dude
It happens. I've noticed if I have this shower heats up and I pee in the shower
I think I've heard when I was little like when you pee your dick also like sucks in a little bit. Yeah, it goes
Whenever I pee in the shower and it's hot yeah, it's like a fucking blinding pain. I'm like oh
By Pina cold shower no problem. Yeah, I never had that yeah, no me neither
You getting a steamy urethra. I think so
Why urethra. I think so yeah
Why urethra just Yeah, that's weird. I've never had that kind of thing. You guys clean the shower? Yeah, all the time.
Bro, I'm telling you, if I pee in the shower,
it feels like I'm passing like a kidney stone.
I'm like, oh my god.
Is it post-cleaning? Like post-p.
No, I mean, are you already clean? Are you getting a soap in it?
No, I don't even have to have soap.
I don't know if it's the angle sometimes.
Sometimes after I bust a nut and then do it,
I'll get a stingy pain in the shower
I've had that but I'm talking this is like an ache. It's I don't know anyone else. I'm trying to figure it
I've been like testing. I took a pee in a cold shower recently. I'm like no problem. Yeah steam
Be the human yeah, maybe it's just an ignored STD You got super guttery. Could be that. Now that I'm being honest with myself.
I suffer in silence.
All these years.
Yeah, that's one thing about, and I've learned another thing about my body.
Do you know if you close your eyes and like think about your leg, there's a subtle sensation in your leg.
And if you close your eyes and like think about your leg there's a subtle sensation in your leg and if you close
your eyes and like think about your forearm you'll feel a thing in your
forearm. Your awareness travels through your body and you can feel various
parts of your body. It's pretty cool. That's meditation right? That's part of it I
guess. I just noticed that I lay in bed at night and I like would just always just
do a thing where I'm like all right let me relax my legs and I noticed there's
like a fleeting sensation.
Now it'd be tough, cause you know,
we're on right now, we're fine.
You lay in bed and think about your feet.
There's like a pulsing presence in your feet.
You think about your legs, it's like,
now your legs are like, it's pretty nuts, dude.
And that's some like military go to sleep tech,
tech leak or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do that.
Yeah, that's what I thought, all right.
It never worked for me.
I've tried it and I just fucking, my ADD brain,
I just started getting horny. Yeah, I thought I'd say, think about your dick, you're like, I never worked for me. I've tried it and I just fucking my 80d brain. I just start getting horny
Yeah, I think about your dick. You're like, I should probably beat off. Thank you
You do have 88 80 HD brain cuz like at the house. Yeah, when you're not laying down, you're walking around the whole place
The guard dog That's Uncle Nate.
Looking out the blinds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Imagine you have the opposite movement pattern
Fingers are probably strong as hell. Oh, it's crazy. I could poke
God damn it. I was gonna go right now. Yeah, I tell you guys. I'm working sick. It's pretty
I'm working sick. What you got a little cold. I don't know what I have man. I think probably got a fucking AIDS right now
I don't know. I don't know if it's allergies. It could be RSV. I don't fuck man see the fever
Could be see the fever. Yes. They say could be our gonna be that new fucking RSV shit. They're pushing. There's a new there's a new draw
RSV is like they follow that up like
Like that's for them spike Vax commercials. It's just a weird Vax commercial I don't see it comes on like I watch this comes on after every like game
I watch basketball. It's just like a generic vaccine ad. It's just get spike Vax. It never says what it's for
It's just it's just get spike Vax. It's just see it's just like a generic vaccine ad. It's just get spike vaks. It never says what it's for.
It's just get spike vaks.
It's just so you're not racist.
Yeah, basically.
Yeah.
You just watched the whole NBA game.
Oh, back.
Get some spike vaks.
Yeah, true.
Yeah, it must have been the Utah Jazz on the court.
It's Philly.
They're not even at white anymore, the Utah Jazz, right?
Or are they still at the White Street?
They're kind of like their main guy.
They're one of the few teams in the NBA with their main guys white. It's like them Dallas Denver
And I think it's the three. Wow, maybe the Rockets. I don't know so having to be my three favorite
This is body that they're all foreign white stuff, there's no
I feel like that will bother me
That's what I figured. That's who y'all got the best basketball players in NBA now are all foreign black people like it's like
Yeah, yeah, and B. It's like
Like it's all losing our damn
Basketball Coming over here
Yeah, I there was a I went to a G league game here and there was a guy from Francis Black dude He was like unbelievable. Yeah, just like and everyone now in the NBA is like skinny and tall. Yeah, they all look like
Just bombing threes and just kind of like floating up
Like half the jump a lot of you guys go
Their future people for sure yeah, and then you're aliens remember they're saying the aliens
Could be I think so I think social media is leading okay, you know social media makes it also girls can fuck one guy
Huh, you know, you don't know the theory slow down
I'm sorry
There's a theory is social media because like before before social media
You can only see like really hot guys or like guys you would really want to own TV, but now
You can see them all the time and they're accessible. Yeah, so like all those guys are going to be the people everyone's fucking
Oh, I see so we're gonna create all the new pit next people. Yeah talking about hypergamy
Bruh Peterson talks about the shit all the time
It's like the yeah, they're just getting access to these dudes that are just like hot rich dudes
Yeah, who are just banging all the shit and then but then they have to eventually scramble
When you're talking about sexual marketplace value never get
I mean you're talking about sexual marketplace value never getting into fucking the man
Yeah, that's the theory now that they have access to all these dudes and they just get fucking piped out and then it
Right when they turn 30 they just go
It's not that theory it feels like the truth
It could be
I mean dude if you had access to like babes and they were like what's going on you'd be crazy
It'd be so hard a girl shouldn't do that
They're taking advantage you think yeah, yeah, that's not right because they need to be focused on like running the country
That's why these girls can't become president
Do you think they're forcing CP's
They gotta be forcing CP's not on a gigaad. Yeah. A gigajad to be like, I said stop.
This fucking triceps just fried to me.
You cannot have my seed.
I'm about to make partner this month.
I've had a surgery where my cum falls out of my ass.
Sorry, lady. I've had a surgery where my cum falls out of my ass
Sorry
Called you an Uber
Good luck in your marriage
Dude one of the best man things was he shin on like a girl's forehead during the threesome
I can't wait to see you fucking forehead
Do you think you like look the other side of the room like he was on the top ropes before he did it?
Just try to pump people up
They also said every he had a bunch of dildos he named after wrestlers for size
You were talking about that on your guys's podcast that you La Meron No, it me and Tom Depanney's in the mouth when you're talking about doing Google reviews on
dildos your size. Why did you say that? I've been a lawyer ever since I saw it was a thing.
I just forgot about it till now. My brain will dump dead. The deepest part of my psyche will go,
that's definitely too like you forget about it
until you're laying in bed and you're like,
oh yeah, I forgot about that.
And right after you're like, what is white coffee?
Did you ever hear about fucking white coffee?
No.
It's a new coffee that like they cook it
at a lower temperature, it's white
and has like four times of caffeine.
That's like the shit, I'll hear things throughout the day
and I'm like, should I probably Google white coffee now?
Tonight I'm gonna be laying there like,
man, I can't sleep again.
Maybe review my fucking dick size.
Just eat good for anal.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Damn.
There's a black queen on social media
who's going around being like,
size doesn't matter, dudes, dicks aren't that big.
She is just white angel.
I caught a clip of her and I was just like,
please load my algorithm.
This is a show.
Start hitting safe. Just black doctor ladies being like, I called a clip of her and I was just like please load my
Start hitting say just like after ladies being like you're actually huge
May try to act like he doesn't have a big piece
Hey, that's a man as a hunker really. How do you know I see it in his pants?
That's nuts
It's crazy No I'm just tired of you living in this little dick pool dude.
Get over there in Sean's pool.
I don't know where my pool is.
Kiddie pool dude.
Measure and read the reviews.
I don't want to know.
Cause I am teeter and all like maybe I am.
But if I find out I'm a kid, I'm a kid.
I'm a kid. I'm a kid. I
Am teeter and all like maybe I am and I don't but if I find out I'm not then it's gonna change my confidence You want to keep your work ethic? Yeah, what I want to keep my work ethic, but also like I'm not gonna lie
I do kind of I think I might I'm not it's definitely not a space for you. Thank you might You might
The teams
You left them hanging. Small thing guys are funnier.
But whatever, fine love.
Dumb thing to be embarrassed about.
He might be big.
He might be big.
He might be big.
That's what you want to hang out with me.
He's not gonna like me anymore.
All my boobs are gonna tear it off.
This comes down.
We don't invite him out anymore.
I just think if guys became like girls,
Caddy, and that'd be like,
I just don't know.
It's just been annoying lately.
Too big for the crew.
See what he was wearing?
You don't see his honkers.
He's honkers.
He keeps flunning his honkers.
Jesus Christ. God damn it.
I think that about does it. We're at an hour. I mean, I'm just working sick.
Fuck oh, please guys plug yourself, please
panties in the mouth, please get on there. I'm excited about the new episode
Yeah, that was fun as hell
Good to have you back around the mayor hasn't been there for a month
We can miss them for sure plug patreon after you listen to it if you like it
God bless you all also, please this weekend I'll be at Zany's comedy club
I think there's a little bit of tickets left. Please get it. Oh, yeah, and then I'll be in Pittsburgh March 7th That's a big room. I'd like to fill it if I could yeah funny boner Lando go to Matt McCusker.com
I'll be last yes, and there'll be there. Oh, I'm trying to put my hyperlink
The show card in a used to run. I've been doing it.
Drip, Drip is the 7th.
February 7th, come to the Nature Cuck in Me on my show.
And Healyham County Club April 10th.
Who better to pass it off than me?
I know.
Honk it, honk it, trust me.
Cap City, March 19th. Come on, I'm here.
Cap City, American Cap City, and Healyham Comedy Club April 10th. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.