Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 482 - Creamed Out (feat. Lemaire Lee & Shawn Gardini)
Episode Date: February 21, 2024Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Lemeezy at Cap City March 19 https://www.capcitycomedy.com/show...s/252000 Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Hello. We're back with the weekly episode of Matt and Shane's secret podcast. The big Kahuna is in the big apple for his big weekend!!! We're so excited for him!!! We're all shipping out NYC way to support our BFF soon - but we ripped a quick ep before hand. Please enjoy. God Bless you all. ttyl Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off & free shipping at https://www.lucy.co promo code DRENCHED This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/MSSP and get on your way to being your best self.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey guys, welcome to the podcast. This is so great. The motherfucking big dog is in SNL.
Yes.
We're doing a body cast. We have to do the podcast, guys.
We're crazy. We're doing the podcast.
We have to do the podcast.
We gotta do the podcast.
I know, I'm excited.
You cannot forget the podcast.
Never.
You guys do. You guys even, like, how are you guys stimulating yourselves? Joe?
Cup of Joe.
Cream soda.
You're going to pass out in two seconds.
No, wait, dude.
I'm going to be fine.
I'm going to be so jazzed up.
Damn, dude.
Cream rules everything around you, dude.
Cream soda rules everything around you.
I'm on the bean.
You're on the cream, bro.
I'm on the motherfucking ginkgo biloba.
The ginkgo biloba.
The ginkgo biloba.
The ginkgo biloba.
Gene Sing.
Gene Sing.
I watched an inspiring video.'m i'm trying to i'm
studying those motherfuckers dude the chinese yeah dude i'm studying them huh i miss them being
out here in texas dude i miss chinese people you don't see ah they're kicking around you gotta go
to like the camp i don't hang out with college chinese college chinese are nice no i went to an engineering school what the bite your tongue
i went to an engineering school i didn't go for engineering obviously but
it was there was many college chinese and they are about business yeah they don't fuck around
no i was trying to kiss them they'd say no thank you i'm studying engineering dude i watched a
video on uh who's the guy RZA Islam?
You ever fuck with, does he come up in your algorithm?
No.
He's like a hard.
My algorithm's crazy.
Might be like RZA Islam.
RZA Islam.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe he's not in good standing.
He's like a disciple of the Honorable Elijah.
Muhammad.
Yeah, Muhammad.
Oh, I see.
But he was going on.
I was watching the video last night.
I couldn't fall asleep.
I did kill Tony last night, and I was just wide awake
because I hit the blunt.
I hit the blunt once.
And you hit the cup, too.
I hit the L in the cup.
I was on the microdose as well.
He looks like Farnsworth Bentley.
You know the guy who used to carry the umbrella for Diddy?
Yeah.
Looks like Dilly's umbrella boy.
Yeah, dude, I was watching a video last night,
and he was saying, I mean, dude, first of all,
like, black Muslim dudes,
I know they have a regrettable stance on the Jews,
hence the ADL's hard slam on them.
But look at the drip, though.
The drip is crazy.
And dude, the fucking theories,
the theories are off the hook, too.
Yeah. He was saying how he studies white people yeah he's like i study them he's like a lot of you brothers don't want to
study the white man i watch his every move keep your friends close and your enemies exactly dude
i fucking i like that i like that too i like the skinny pea side and the getty image
the skinny pea side well he claimed that's the gap dude oh according
to true oh shit according to him he was saying he's he's saying that white people studied black
people and that's where we got all of our swag from he's talking going way back uh and so that
way we we designed the system we studied y'all designed the system and then we held you down
with it now you guys have to study us to
redesign the system though it's gonna be i love the way he's thinking about that i think i kind
of agree dude it's kind of like it doesn't sound like crazy no it sounds like right because you
ever see these geeked up white boys nowadays dude which one we're talking about
yeah the geeked up whiteys dude yeah but here's the thing, though.
He was like, we got to study white people.
We got to study their ways.
And I understand he's filtering it through like a Muslim.
Yeah, or almost like a black Israelite scope.
But he is in a way, it's just like a monumental pull up your pants.
He's doing a monument, but it's in like a sick way.
He's just kind of like, yeah, we just we gotta study them and emulate them and take our swag back
we gotta show up early and stuff it's like you guys wait we were late first is that what's going
on you guys are super early man dude i uh amer you were fucking right on time today you were
1101 swagged out.
Taking that white swag, dude.
That prototypical white swag.
11-0-1.
That white extra minute, dude.
True.
Cream soda and a cream backwards is aggressively right.
I love cream, bro.
Why has everything got to match?
I don't know.
Even the Buc-ee's, dude.
Stop stealing the ancient white swag, dude. Dude, the Buc-ee's. The Buc-ee's. Stop stealing the ancient white swag, dude.
Dude, the Buc-ee's.
The Buc-ee's sweatshirt, Buc-ee's sweatpants.
I'm for sure so wet.
Why are you dripping so fucking hot?
I've been a drip.
I was dripped out today, though.
I had the fucking black yin-yang tea and the black fucking pants on.
My wife came out of the closet.
I came out of the closet.
I'm not Paul's, but I came out.
I got a walk-in.
I'm just balling out. But I came out of the walk-in came out of the closet. Oh, pause. But I came out. I got a walk-in. I'm just balling out.
But I came out of the walk-in.
I'll just put it like that.
She saw that I was matching.
My wife saw I was matching.
She was like, God damn.
Dude, if you throw a hard match on black people, they're like dizzy for a second.
If you match hard, they're like, shit.
They immediately are like, they check themselves.
They check themselves. They're like, damn, dude dude i'm wearing blue and green this is bullshit what am i a fucking
asshole i should be matched to the fucking teeth you guys are right that was that might be your
swag originally i don't think europeans knew about matching before africans would have the
they'd have the chain with the skirt they'd True. You guys were on that bullshit back in the day of, like, stretching out your ears and shit.
You guys were on that bullshit.
Now we are, too.
Dude, Riz Islam's totally right.
That's why I'm studying Asians right now.
Because I think the Asians built the system, my brothers.
I think the Asians built the whole people down system.
I mean, they do have a whole people down system. I mean, they do have a hold people down system.
I mean, they're doing it pretty good in Africa right now.
Yeah, I heard they're down that way.
Even if it's the Chinese government or the communist government, it seems pretty ironclad.
I did like watching videos of them scooping up people during COVID.
Yeah, bolting them into their apartment building.
Locking them in.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Sorry, Lamar.
No, please.
I was going to stay political.
I saw Ann Coulter on Bill Maher.
Who?
Bill Maher.
Who's this lady?
Ann Coulter.
What's she been up to?
I don't know, dude.
She was cooking, though.
What was she saying?
She was saying like a...
She's a Fox News lady?
She's just like a Republican commenter, I guess.
Well, there you go.
American commenter and author.
She used to ride with DJT pretty hard.
Yeah.
Okay.
She hates DJT now.
Oh, really?
She hates him now.
That's what she's saying.
I don't know.
He's a con man, dude.
No offense.
Bro.
Who are you pulling for in the upcoming election?
Me?
I was going to RFK, dude.
Knock on wood.
You get a lot of hate for that on Twitter.
If you like RFK, people are like,
he's going to take your guns.
Dude, he said it.
Watch it, LeMaire.
That's my president, dude. I'll take it.
You'll give your guns to your president?
Yeah, I don't have any right now.
When I get one, we'll fucking see.
You should get one so you can give it to the government eventually.
Dude, right now, what was she saying?
What's her fucking deal?
She was talking to Van Jones, who works for CNN.
Who's Van Jones?
He's like the black guy.
Gay black guy?
Mace Windu.
I don't think he's...
He doesn't look like Mace Windu.
He's like liberal Mace Windu.
Van Jones isn't gay? No, I don't think... He's got a perfect gay black guy? Mace Windu, yeah. I don't think he's... He doesn't look like Mace Windu. He's like liberal Mace Windu. Van Jones isn't gay.
No, I don't think...
He's got a perfect gay black guy name.
Yeah.
True.
He's for sure pretending,
because during the whole interview,
they were just condescending to Ann Coulter,
but she was saying the realest shit, dude.
What was she saying?
She was saying the only difference
between murder rates...
The real difference between murder
rates isn't like race it's single mother versus two family homes or single parent for sure family
homes that's the actual real like uh reason for murder rates you need a dad to be like back in my
day son we used our hands we used that didn't make a man. My dad used to love doing that.
That was my dad's whole stance on the police brutality thing.
They used to use your hands?
I don't know why these young kids use their guns all the time.
They're afraid to fucking put their hands on somebody.
Back in my day, I used to love to get my hands dirty.
Yeah, old men love fighting.
Dude, I could totally see your dad dropping the hat, taking the holster off me, like, square up.
Square up.
Yeah, that would be so sick.
If you had to square up as a cop, a cop should square up more.
That should be totally, like, it should be sanctioned.
That's the best movie scene.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
That movie with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Didn't Naeem square up with, like, six cops?
That's what he said.
Yeah, they were arresting his, I think, ex-wife.
And then he tried to protect her.
He's standing on business.
He was protecting his guns.
He's like, God damn it, they're taking my wife now.
Yeah, that's what's going to happen.
Dude, if the government took all of our wives, they'd be crazy.
The guns is a decoy.
They're going to take all of our wives, dude.
We're going to be like, what the hell?
Why are we so alone now?
So Coulter. She was saying some real shit dude she was and uh everybody was like uh they were like condescending to her it was
real weird because she wasn't like wrong yeah they were just treating her like she was an idiot
what they're being like well obviously dads leave the house that's as i've seen ben shapiro does
that he's like well you need to have two parents in a household.
They're like, obviously
we would like that, but that's not the
case. But they need to go get a new
cigarette. Sean!
Sorry, forgive me.
That's literally what
Van said. He was like, yeah, that would be
nice if that was possible.
Why isn't it possible?
Anything is possible.
I love when he says that. People are like well in the real world yeah you have to leave your kids
dude it's fucked up though you can totally leave your kids what do you mean like it's not illegal
do anything i could leave my kids today yeah i could literally get an apartment and abandon my
family and be in perfect legal standing it's nuts and then if you don't pay the government you go to jail are you making an escape plan
i'm just saying it's fucking backwards the policy should be flipped around yeah if you leave your
family you should go to jail yeah if you're like dude i'm leaving my family yeah and if unless
you'd have to like prove that your babe is so brutal yeah Yeah, like bro. It's not me or you could say like I'll stay
She's got to go and a judge has to be like she's brutal
Yo, she's so fucking
Majority of your peers would have to be like yo, she's fucking
She wasn't brutal she was doing that thing where she was quiet mad at me
and the judge was like, God damn it.
That's the worst.
I'm fine.
The fact that you're asking me is bothering me.
That's not true.
You're making that up.
My concern for you bothers you.
Very well.
Judge.
Yeah, no, you can totally leave your fucking family.
No penalty, no legal penalty whatsoever
but if you i think they get paid off the child support payments and they take the government
parents obviously but like the fucking the government i think takes like a transactional
fee from every child support dude it's billions of dollars a year yeah well and there's also like
like the when you leave you get wealth when there there's like just a single mom in the house with like a kid,
you automatically get like welfare or WIC or whatever.
Right.
And then not to ruin the game, but there's a lot of times my family's been on welfare
and they've just been dating dudes and hiding them.
Oh, yeah.
But that's kind of hot, though.
People are coming.
You got to leave real quick.
Having a secret boyfriend from the government is kind of hot.
Yeah.
Hiding them in the attic.
True.
Damn, Frank, dude.
Don't make a noise.
The government will take away your money if they find you.
Damn, Frank.
You can't drive a Mitsubishi Outlander anymore if the government finds you.
That one lady just got busted for a secret boyfriend.
What lady?
There was a, I don't know if she, she was like the DA in Georgia who hired the prosecutor
against Trump.
Not Boebert.
No, it was a lady.
It was a black lady.
She got like for real fried.
Maxine Waters?
No, bro.
Not her old black ass.
No.
Oh, dude, this lady got, well, dude, the lady got, um.
Where is she from? Georgia. Georgia. From Georgia. Georgia. She. This lady got... Well, dude, the lady got... Where is she from?
Georgia.
Georgia.
From Georgia.
She got fried.
It was like, if you look up Trump here in cash lady, it'll come up.
But she got fried.
Josh, I thought you were going to tell us.
Yo, dude.
Dumb black lady from Georgia.
You put DA from Georgia.
I saw the baby come up.
Baby.
Yeah, dude, listen to her.
She's kind of fine, dude.
Bro.
Her fucking, her story.
Her story is so funny.
God damn it, these goddamn asses.
She's definitely got a wagon.
But she simped out for a dude.
Yeah.
She put an inexperienced prosecutor on to, I guess, do the Trump case.
Yeah.
I mean, that's like the, you know.
Why?
Because she gave him a penis?
Huh?
Because he gave her a penis?
He was giving her a penis.
He was giving her a penis and vacation.
Ah, that's a white guy, isn't it?
Bro.
First of all, I'm sick of you.
Why are you attacking them for having white kings?
I see this all the time.
You know what her husband looks like.
Everyone attacks Tiffany Haddish for having a white king in the household.
No, it's common.
Tiffany Haddish is married to common.
But she wasn't, dude.
How do you think she got to where she was?
She had that white man in her house.
Did I ever tell the story how she said she was going to ride my mustache?
Say what?
She loves white kings.
She loves white kings.
Black Hollywood's got to let it go, man. No Oh, dude. Say what? She loves white kings. She loves white kings. Black Hollywood's
gotta let it go, man.
No, I do.
God forbid a fucking
black queen has a
white king in the house.
She's disgusting.
Alright, tell me.
You're on the record
saying race mixing
is disgusting right now?
I didn't say race mixing.
I said white kings
in the house is disgusting.
Yeah, dude.
You gotta talk about
how you love red bones.
Right.
The first one to talk about red bones, dude. You gotta talk about how you love Red Bones. Right. The first one to talk about Red Bones, dude.
All of a sudden, the black women have to say, yeah, right.
Right.
That's it.
That's actually it.
I don't care about political party.
They care about it.
No, this isn't it.
My only question is, why is he questioning me?
Trump. Damn, this is the it. My only question is, why is he questioning me? Trump.
Damn, this is the...
Go to the trial of this lady.
I'm telling you, her, like, where she got the...
If you type in, like, cash,
you might have to do the YouTubes,
but if you find in the cash thing,
basically, I'll tell you, her whole argument was that
she hired this dude
to be the prosecutor in this Trump case in Georgia.
And then it turned out that the dude and her were fucking.
Nice.
It came out in the dude's divorce proceedings.
Is that the dude?
Oh, yes.
This one?
I don't know.
You should search Nathan Wade, Georgia.
I don't know.
The dude is, I mean, I think it was a black king.
Josh, I'm going to get you a YouTube premium. premium. Yeah, Josh. Come on, bro The mother fucker by the big water south by Southwest money you got regular you to me at the end of last
I don't see these crackers talking about
I don't think they're gonna have a trial. It's gotta be there was on breaking points again
Yeah, this is new yo this is all fucking fake news dude dude i have it she's
not married or anything don't trust the legacy media no dude so i'll tell you what happened i
don't care if she's not married i thought she'd be like a married lady no she she had um she had
this guy be the the prosecutor on this big case he got paid 700 $700,000. So it was a big deal. Dude almost grabbed a million dollars.
And then he went to get divorced
and what they say is if you're getting divorced,
pay the lady.
Because if you go to trial, they're going to start
subpoenaing all your texts.
They're going to dig up a bunch of shit.
So he got greedy into the divorce.
He was like, I'm not paying her.
And then this shit hit where they're like,
wait, you were going on vacations with the lady
who hired you to prosecute trump and then it all came out where they were going on these vacations and
they were like i think they were worried that they were like appropriating state money to take
take these trips and he was like no no she's like i paid this guy back because it looked bad because
like he got she got him this big job where he made a bunch of money then he took her on trips
so she was like no, I paid him back.
They're like, how'd you pay him back?
She was like, cash.
They're like, there's a lot of money.
How did you, where did the cash come from?
She was like, my blood, sweat, and tears.
My blood, sweat, and tears.
She was like, I always have cash on me.
Do you have the ATM receipt?
She was like, no.
Then she even said, well, from campaigns and stuff, I had leftover money
and obviously treated myself.
Yeah, she's in a lot of trouble, dude.
She's going to get like...
The scandalized cheating
relationship is one thing. I think this is it.
Yeah, dude, it's so good.
That is correct.
Yeah, she's perfect.
F-A-N-I. Last name is Willis.
But late today, Fulton County District Attorney Fonny Willis herself took the witness down.
We gotta hang out, Fonny.
And I've been very anxious to have this conversation with you today.
I'm gonna go on vacation.
I mean, I'm a body language expert.
It's fucking contentious back and forth.
It is a lie.
Why do the news ruin every fucking video?
Just play the fucking video.
...her personal relationship with Nathan Waves.
There he is.
Yes!...who she hired as special prosecutor on the fucking video. There he is. Yes!
That's pretty sweet. They do look
like they fucked up. They definitely fucked up.
They're still fucking up.
They're probably fucking
better than everyone. Oh, look, look.
She lied. So she lied and said
they didn't sleep together, but then it came out in his divorce
proceedings. So she lied in court.
I don't really understand
Why that's anybody's business
Though I get the
Well because she hired
She's in charge of state funds
So if you're
If you're crushing on somebody
Yeah
You hired your crush
And you give him
A million dollars almost
Of the state's money
I get that
And people can be like
Wait dude are you simping
Yeah simping is
It's just funny
It could be like
It could be like
The Trump lawyers
Getting their vengeance too
They're like
They definitely did.
They probably fucking crushed her.
But also, it's like, that's what they're doing to him.
Yeah, literally.
This is a fucking legal sword fight, dude.
Everyone's getting caught for being.
It was funny, her just being like, my blood, sweat, and tears.
Everyone's like, all right, enough of the fucking crap.
It's going to change the legal system, dude.
Yeah, it was full.
Now you're a simp and a drama queen.
Where did I get all that cash? my blood, sweat, and tears?
I mean, there might have been some left over.
No, she actually implicated herself.
There were some campaign funds and blah, blah, blah.
Also, dude, this is my favorite thing in the world.
I don't like to hear that.
Again, I don't want to be...
I'm not making fun, but I did see a double Freudian slip on breaking points.
It made me laugh so fucking hard.
Listen to this.
Speaking of sexual tension.
Wine tasting to Napa.
Bitch, she made clear, just so you know, Ryan, she's like, I don't even like wine.
I prefer gay, gray goose.
So thank you for that.
Saggy.
No.
Saggy.
Saggy was going nuts, dude.
Bitch. He was talking about this lady, too. Oh, really? Yeah,gy was going nuts, dude. Bitch.
He was talking about this lady, too.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he was talking about this lady.
The gay goose.
My gay goose.
Grey goose.
The gay goose got her, dude.
Saggy daddy.
Shout out, Saggy.
Oh, yeah.
I was watching this movie called Dumb Money yesterday.
It was about the GameStop stock thing.
It's pretty good.
Yeah, I see.
What do they do?
It was like a dramatization. It was Seth Logan GameStop stock thing. It's pretty good. What did they do? It was like a dramatization.
It was Seth Logan.
Who was it?
Seth Logan.
Seth Logan.
It's like, Seth Logan.
So what was Seth Logan playing?
He was playing, like, one of the bankers.
Was he blazed?
No.
This was the first movie where he was like just a completely serious guy.
Really?
Yeah.
It was about the, you remember the GameStop thing, right?
The stonks?
Yeah, the stonks.
Yeah.
Seth Rogen was one of the bad guys.
He was one of the financial capital companies.
Why did they cast him to play that?
Because he probably wrote it.
Right, right.
That was offensive.
Why does he got to be a banker, bro?
Why can't he be like a chill-ass donor?
So he played the greedy banker.
He played the greedy Jewish banker.
He played the greedy banker.
He was acting.
He played the greedy banker.
Because, like, this was about, remember, because the GameStop thing was like a, I'm sorry.
No more creeps on it. No more, dude. You can step into the GameStop thing was like a... I'm sorry. No more Cream Slops.
Steph Logan in the GameShop.
You've turned into a toothless 80-year-old black man.
Oh, Steph Logan on the GameSlop.
I don't have no more Slops.
They got that one old funny-ass Jewish boy.
Up in the bang on them GameSlops. They got that one old Jewish, funny-ass Jewish boy.
Up in the bank on GameSongs.
They got motherfucking Ron Swanson in there.
Motherfucking Kingpin.
You buzzing off the cream.
I'm buzzed, dude.
So what was the thrust of the movie?
The thrust?
So the guy who was doing the GameStop thing, he only did it to attack the corporations that were using it.
So they were using this thing.
They were shorting options on stocks.
And they would call it dumb money because people like us, we wouldn't do it.
And we wouldn't know about it.
And they just like automatically like they just use that money. Who's uh the black americans the stock people stock people stock people are the day yeah so the seth rogan's of the world yeah the seth rogan's seth rogan's want to keep
me and the mayors off the stock and there was this yeah they do because there was this other guy his
name was keith gill and he uh he was was shorting the GameStop sock for like six months.
But then that was when Wall Street bets came because he was on there being like, hey, guys, if we all buy this, we can fuck up these guys for doing that.
And you hold, you hold, and they held until it got to like –
Dude, the bankers, the fucking billionaires, they lost like $6 billion.
On the GameStops?
Yeah, $7 billion, yeah.
Now I'm fucked up.
I'm going to GameStops.
GameStops. You've infected all of us they lost so much so how do they stop it didn't weren't they going to like freeze the market no they did they went to robin hood they talked to robin hood the apps
and they're like get rid of the buy button nobody can sell because they were going to have to pay
three billion dollars because people started trying to take money out so were like, if we just get rid of the buy button,
they can only charge us like $700 million.
So they put a freeze basically on the market.
And they like ruined the stock.
They got rid of the subreddit for a little bit.
So the people started like panic selling.
Why can't you do that though?
Why is it illegal to like buy with other people?
It's not illegal.
Because it makes the people who run it lose money.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's crazy. so it is kind of rigged yeah yeah yeah i guess at
least like the day because there's with stocks there's like the rumor mill side of it where it's
all speculative then you can like do like like number crunching and like learn like how much
does this business make but if you're like if you're like up there you're not you're not guessing
so you're just short they were
just shorting it with their boys maybe i'll short the stock yeah but what if what if like they just
released did they time it around like the release of games though no they just did it they just
happened it happened at the start of the year right in like 2021 or 2020 it was oh it was during
what did the game that would be a bad one to short though you think during the pandemic no it was
because the guy was just like i just like game GameStop. And it was $3. It was like $3 before they started doing this.
So it went from $3 to $400, I think.
I remember, yeah.
Yeah, so that guy became a millionaire immediately.
And then a bunch of other people became millionaires,
but they were like diamond hands,
which meant they were just holding it
so they could punish the corporations.
Damn.
The people who are trying, who are mad about it.
I would have broke that so quick.
I'm like, I'm cashing out, boys.
Live the revolution without me. It turned to Seth Rogen real quick.
Keith Gill
might have actually cashed out, too, because at the end of the movie
he just disappeared. Who's Keith Gill?
That's the guy who started it.
He might have got tapped by the Wall Street
bros and they're like, bro. I think he cashed out.
I think he cashed out. And disappeared?
He disappeared, yeah. Damn, that's nice. The Wall Street bros probably want to're like, bro. I think he cashed out. I think he cashed out. And disappeared? He disappeared, yeah. Damn, that's nice.
The Wall Street bros probably want to kill him.
Yeah, probably.
They could.
Dude.
It was really good.
And they didn't get in trouble.
Nobody got in trouble.
No.
The business that caused, I can't remember what it was called,
Munford Agency or something.
Munford & Sons?
Yeah, Munford & Sons Stock Agency or something.
They went out of business
and the government,
the SEC,
didn't even charge them
for any wrongdoing.
For like trying to
manipulate the stock price?
For manipulating stock prices, yes.
Damn.
They literally manipulated
the stock price.
They told Robinhood to stop.
They're like,
you guys stop
or we're going to be
a deep shit.
That's some fucking bullshit
dude right now i appreciate the update on that because i had totally forgotten about the game
stonks yeah you have stonks you have shares right now i got shares not stonks i don't have the
stonks i got so i don't know what they are i just fucking i got something i never did any of that
start just stupid to do stonks it's gambling you have to do it in a way where it's just like you buy it
and you just don't think about it or look at it for like
40 years. Yeah. I would like
there was a couple times I was like on
the cusp but I like sold before
because I got real broke. Like I used to have Sony
stock before they made the PS4.
I had Activision stock before they
blizzarded up. I had WWE stock before I hit $100.
I fucking had to sell.
Why'd you have to sell? I was broke.
You sold all your stocks? Yeah, I was broke, dude.
I needed to make some moves.
You should have done diamond hands. Yeah, I'm not diamond hands.
I'm fucking paper fists.
Yeah, you're paper fists.
Dude, I want to talk to you guys
about this right now. This is something that's on my mind
right now. You know I have a finger on the
pulse of the black community.
It's just my algorithm, dude.
But dude, I'm right now. You're the only man with black children
in this room. True.
That's true. I am the head of a black family.
Dude, I wonder if
you think Shay Shay's going to take all this heat?
What do you mean? He's getting crushed right now.
What'd he do? What? You guys not
follow Shay Shay news?
Dude, listen. So he's been getting attacked by Mike. He's beefing with Mike Epps. They said they squashed the beef. Yeah. Mike Epps he do what you know you guys not follow no i didn't know shea shea news dude dude listen so
he's been getting attacked by mike he's beefing with mike epps they said they squashed the beef
yeah mike epps basically was like i'll shoot you why because mike epps called him gay now everyone's
calling him gay now all the black comics are starting to call him gay and it's like
he's shea shea club gay dude dude literally that's what they're saying bro dude No, Shay Shay. He's Shay Shay. Club Gay Gay. Dude, literally.
That's what they're saying.
Bro, dude.
And Club Shay Shay.
It's Eddie Griffith.
Yeah, Shay Shay.
Gay Gay.
You're on par with him. Parallel thinking.
Are they just mad about Cat Williams still?
They're all, it's just a thing now.
If you're a black comic, you have to fucking come at Shannon now. No, that's lame. Oh, dude, they're all it's just it's just a thing now like you if you're a black comic you have to fucking
come at Shannon now
no
no that's lame
oh dude
they're crushing it
and now he's like
he's like
I'm not gay
he has to constantly be like
I know who I am
I'm delivered
he said he's
he said he's Mr. Backshots
yeah
he loves
you gotta be too something
to do something
exactly dude
he claims to be
he claims to be Mr. Backshots
or Backshot King
that's what it is.
All these guys are calling him gay.
Mike Epps called him gay.
Now Eddie Griffin's saying that him and Cat should do Never Wore the Dress tour.
That shit would be blazing. I do have to say, Backshot King is kind of gay.
That's some Paul's with it.
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit.
I don't want to pile on shit.
Not on shit. I love him, dude. I'm just saying bit. I don't want to pile on shit. Not on shit.
I love onk, dude.
I'm just saying that.
It's kind of gay.
He has entered into a, just an absolutely sick and twisted realm of just like podcast
battles.
And I don't think he was ready for it.
He also doesn't think white people watch his show.
That's the one thing I watch him do where I'm like, bro, come off of it.
He's on his show and he's like, I didn't know all these white folk were watching me.
It's like, dude, you're on fucking ESPN.
Stop acting like
you're in a shack in Louisiana.
The white folk are watching me now.
I do like when he does that. I ain't had a bathroom
since I was 15 years old.
I love when he talks about that.
That's hilarious but he's doing his show and he's like
a white guy stopped me in the airport. I love his show.
I didn't know you were watching. It's like bro
you're on TV dude.
You think you're going to get 2 million views
by just black people?
Dude the Cat Williams is at like 60 million views.
That's crazy.
He is the most
prominent talk show host now I think
currently.
He's about to get an ABC show.
Club Shea Shea in the morning.
Put on the dress.
They might have made him put on the dress. yeah it's regrettable dude black hollywood's in total
disarray still you know kat williams episode fucked everybody up now everyone's trying to
do fire takes on everybody and it's just like hacks falling apart yeah absolutely falling apart
killer mike i think wouldn't do it no yeah oh he wouldn't do club shayshay no he just won't
he just won't attack oh yeah get into the sensationalism he's an honorable man he is an
honorable he's an honorable man but yeah it pervades it pervades every element of american
politics now it's just now like black podcasters are starting to get hit with the trump effect too
where it's just like i'm gonna say the most wild crazy shit because it is like the best thing you
can do right now yeah dude yeah it feels like
we're a good brother david lucas just got caught up in a viral storm good brother dude yeah good
brother david lucas got caught up in a viral storm it is like it's a it's like a whole thing you can
do now yeah you can play with like uh societal outrage and usually just ends up on the you just
end up on the better side of it usually unless you molest a kid you can't molest children
a better side of it usually unless you molest a kid you can't molest children lamar what the fuck was in your cream soda what did i say children
no if i get in my head about mispronouncing it it crushes me yeah i do it a lot yeah i had a
flub on the beginning of kill tony last night where i said like i was trying to say drink
this and i ended like You were drinking water Fuck that doesn't make
Any sense at all
That was fun
That show was very fun
KT was a good time
I think it'll be out
In like three weeks
You had a damn hoot
Man
I had a good old time dude
Afterwards I fucking
Took to the cup
Took to the motherfucking blunt
Man
Did you eat the NBAC burger?
The NADC burger?
Not a damn chance?
Oh, shit.
It's high.
You missed it.
They had burgers in the green room?
I heard they had burgers in the green room.
Well, they always have burgers in the green room, but then they bring the burgers downstairs.
Oh.
And they're so good.
Feed the masses.
Shout out to Phillip.
Yeah.
He makes the nasty burgers.
Came down with them burgers and fed everybody.
Big burgers.
So good.
I couldn't do.
I was just fucking.
I couldn't sleep last night i'm on a
wicked ultrasonic wave right now i got no sleep i got some motherfucking pussy
it's that matching dude i was dude this is before i even matched i woke up this morning i was just
white on white i was in my birthday suit you hit hit the white on black, dude.
True.
True.
Yin Yang Punten.
Dude, are you a morning sex guy?
Bro?
I think morning sex is better.
I'm the king of all back shots, bro.
I don't...
No, I...
Morning sex...
I'm a morning sex guy for sure.
I like that big time.
It's like a good way to wake up.
Yeah, dude.
Like the sun shines brighter.
Yeah.
It's a much chirp louder.
I don't have to be nice all day.
I can get some pussy and be like,
all right, now I can be a dickhead.
And then I got some pussy already.
Idiot.
I don't got to fake the fuck.
I don't know where to behave you.
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This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
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I'm getting nasty at the edge.
Oh, also, please go to MattMcCusker.com for tickets.
Go to ShaneGillis.com.
Shane M. Gillis, one of them soda.
Optimal Noctis, March 5th.
Please come out there at me and Sean Gardini's show.
And March 19th, please come to Cap City Comedy Club over there.
Please come through.
And Sean Gardini will be at Helium April 10th at Helium Philadelphia.
You guys definitely got to go there.
That'll be a fun blast.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Pittsburgh, Chicago.
A bunch of motherfucking places.
Thank you. Go. Fun blast Oh yeah Pittsburgh Chicago Bunch of motherfucking places Blocker
Thank you
Go
I've been on my nastiest behavior dude
For real?
No
Very nice
I told
I told Sean and Shane
I had a leash in Philly
I had to let go
Oh I can't
I didn't know you wanted to come public
With that information
You left the freak behind?
Yeah dude
Well You and Megan Thee Stallion Are no longer freaks I can't know you wanted to come public with that information. You left the freak behind? Yeah, dude. Well, you and Megan Lee Stanley are no longer freaks.
I can, you know.
What were you doing with the leash?
Dog walking these hoes.
Where'd you leave it?
Who'd you leave it with?
I just, I think I threw it away.
If I didn't throw it away, it might be in my car, actually.
The leash?
Yeah.
It followed you here.
Lease and sex tape.
Sex tape, like red tape you use, body tape.
Oh, I thought you said you have the sex tape.
I'm not a sex tape.
I was like, bro, don't tell anyone.
Your hard drive's going to get fucking attacked.
I don't have a sex tape.
You had the sexual adhesive.
Sexual adhesive, yeah.
You were binding women?
Yeah.
And putting leashes on them?
Yeah, dude, it's nice.
So you're more of a dom?
Yeah.
Do you ever get constricted as well, like taped up?
If she asks, I'll try.
Really?
Yeah.
That's not very dom.
That's not very dom.
You have to refuse, dude.
You have to be like, what the fuck did you say to me?
How dare you?
What kind of stuff do you say while they're-
I actually don't say anything.
...adhering to each other?
I don't really do anything.
I don't really say anything.
You gift wrap that person.
You don't say anything.
You just fucking silently tug on a leash.
Yeah.
You got to get into the psychological element of it.
I don't know how to do words real good.
You don't say it.
I go, how is this this is good damn dude that would
get me so wet if i was waiting tied up this fucking oh fuck oh that's crazy i ain't never
done no freak shit like that never done it it's pretty easy you hit her with like a newspaper too? No, I don't have.
I had to.
I don't know.
You hit her with like bad gal?
Yeah.
No, I don't hit bad girl.
You got to get the good girl.
You got to get the good girl. You hit her with the good girl.
You're such a good girl.
That's more my speed too.
I don't like doing the bad.
A lot of girls want you to call them like bad girls, like a dirty little slut.
It's like, you're a good girl.
I'm perfectly good at it.
Yeah.
Well, Fifty Shades fucked them all up.
Fifty Shades hit the hive mind, and they're all like, yeah, we all love BDSM.
We're all disgusting freaks.
Not all of them.
It's not.
It's just like a, you know, it's just another thing.
It's a boner enhancer.
Yeah.
I don't get it.
So why'd you throw the leash away?
Why didn't you bring it with you?
Why didn't you wear it to fucking dance?
Let people know right away.
True.
You should wear it to feud tonight.
That leash, it was a pretty comfortable leash.
I did put it on once.
It wasn't the chair.
It was comfortable, dude.
Did she have the handle?
Yeah, but I was like, you gotta let go.
I can't do this.
You got walked a little?
She was riding me. With the leash? Yeah. I was like, nah, you gotta let go. I can't do this. You got walked a little? She was riding me.
With the leash?
Yeah.
I was like, no, you got to let go.
Dude, that's ridiculous.
Bruh.
Yeah.
You a whole freak bull.
Yeah.
Where does your freak stop?
Where does your freak stop?
If you were at the orgy, what would be the hard line on your freak?
I don't think I'd be able to get in.
No, no, no, no.
You're at the orgy, dude.
Don't deny yourself.
No, I'm saying I don't think I'd be able to get involved in No, no, no, no. You're at the orgy, dude. Don't deny yourself. No, I'm saying I don't think I'd be able to get involved in the orgy.
Are you talking about you would just spectate and jack off?
Yeah, I would just spectate, I think.
Is that how orgies work?
There's like a bleachers of dudes jacking off?
No.
I just like that there's just a room with a bunch of beds on it and curtains to separate
if you don't want to share.
And you think you...
So how does that make sense?
They're not going to let you participate, but they're going to be like, yeah, just go
jack off and point over there.
Can I just come in this room?
Okay.
Let's say we're visualizing, dude.
You're in the orgy.
Where does your freak start?
Like, where does it start?
Like, how would you, you see the women there.
Well, it ends at, like, dick touching.
From?
Just like, if a girl were to, like, put me in a guy, you ever see that?
Would it go like that?
Like, connect dicks?
I'm out of here.
True.
Avatar.
Here's the thing.
But here's the problem with the orgies.
This is where I think all this stuff, like, swinging all leads to gay stuff.
Yeah.
Like, if you're like, yeah, we're going to open up the relationship, it's like, you're
just going to blow a guy eventually.
No way, dude.
Oh, it's true.
Because, dude, you're saying this now.
I mean, you're fucking...
You're in a diabetic coma right now. But imagine, you're you're saying this now i mean you're you're fucking you're in a diabetic coma right now but imagine you're in the orgy you have two old disgusting white ladies just
just tugging you to the point where you're on the edge you're all you're edged you're you're
not talking from edge behavior and then she goes and you and two dudes just cream soda right against
each other you're gonna be and then at that point,
it's like a Freaky Friday, you're a reversible curse.
I would assault that old lady.
Yeah, right.
You're going to be in a fucking cum coma, dude.
You're going to fucking, that's what happens.
So you're at the orgy.
A lady's blowing you,
another lady's just fucking like tickling your balls.
Yeah.
And then a third lady starts playing with
your ass there's no way you're gonna be like yo stop you're gonna be you can't stop it she's
playing with is i don't know exactly that's where that's the entry level that's the entry level
freak i'm getting triforced that's the entry level freak and then if some guy comes up and
starts like tweaking your nipples you're not gonna stop to stop them. You're not going to stop them. Get away, dude.
You're going to fall into the freak.
That's the devil's realm, dude.
That's exactly what all that stuff is.
I don't think I've ever fallen to the freak.
I've never fallen to the freak.
You just said the other day on Reddit,
you said you're the freakiest bull.
You said I'm a freaky, freaky bull.
That's not on Reddit.
Bro, do you want to talk about that story about how you got kicked out of the party that we were talking about?
Because there's some evidence against you that we were just talking about the other day when you confessed to the leash.
It was funny.
It was funny.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, that's what I want to talk about.
It was like a late party.
I got kicked out because I was walking around.
I saw the husband upstairs with some ladies.
And I saw the wife downstairs with some guys.
And then like-
They're an interracial couple, by the way.
Why do you hate us?
Black guy, though.
Black king.
See how he has a double standard?
Hypocrite, yeah.
I'm going to start studying you, dude.
Study your moves.
Take a look under the hood.
I popped the hood pop the hood man
that's what you're working with
so what happened
you're at the party
we're drunk
high
and we're outside
you were on cocaine as well
weren't you
all of these
I thought I heard
you're on cocaine
yeah
just for full honesty
they came outside
both of them came outside
and they were like talking
and I was there
I was like
yo you guys are swingers you guys swing why was he mad because you were calling him gay
i wasn't calling him gay i was calling him a fucking pimp no dude swinging is gay
swinging is you're so close to kissing a dude you're just like swinging you're eating you're
like pac-manning pussies till eventually the end of the line is a dude. You're going to suck his dick.
You get the fruit at the end.
I said, dude, you're a bull, which is like a bull is the opposite.
It's like you're just strictly being known to win.
A bull is where another guy watches you fuck his wife,
and then he jerks off.
Dude, that's just, that's like, you understand, like,
the fucking, if this is being a hetero king,
there's steps along to becoming a gay dude.
Which is whatever, you know, jump around, whatever you want to do.
But if you're swinging in the name of, like, being hetero, you're just moving closer to being gay.
Group sex versus isolated sex with your wife is as hetero as it gets.
Isolated sex, backed up on cum, just two seconds.
That's as hetero as it gets
as soon as there's like another dude filming you
it's now gayer
and again it's no judgment
I'm not saying like one's better than the other
totally it's just two different things
two different things
two different modes of being
and dude if you want to have orgies have orgies
I'm just saying be prepared
to have a dude just breathing on your neck.
Which is like, whatever, if you're in the orgy.
Like, dude, if I was like Caligula in the Roman orgy, I'd be gay as hell in there.
Because you're not going to, you don't want to fuck the vibe up at an orgy and be like,
oh, that's not actually for me.
I'm just going to go eat some wings.
Yeah, you're just going to roll with it.
And you're going to do something gay and it's fine.
So you're at the orgy.
But then that would be the new lifestyle.
Not me, dude.
I'm not, I'm not saying it's a negative So you're at the origin. But then that would be the new lifestyle. Not me, dude. I'm not saying it's negative.
Dude, our society has moved way past that.
Yeah.
Totally accept you and your alternative lifestyle.
Only God can judge you, brother.
True.
That's the other thing, too.
People say that.
They're like, if you masturbate and watch porn, think about your ancestors watching you.
It's like, that's on them, Jack.
That's on them jack that's all them dude it's like you're just if they if you really for real got to the afterlife like bro we watched
every time you jerked off it's like bro you were watching porn though
and also you guys didn't have you guys weren't up against the same technology yeah it's just
something to my ancestors dude it's like you guys can't judge me you guys are like fapping to like matchbook advertisements
talking pov bro talking the fattest asses there was like there's women have changed shapes yeah
they fucking morphed i mean scientifically yeah i'm sure they had thick queens back then but they
didn't know what to do with it all they didn then, but they didn't know what to do with it all.
They didn't know how to do squats.
Dude, I bet Cleopatra was thick as hell, dude.
You think so?
Cleopatra was white.
Might come off it.
Cleopatra was a queen, bro.
Cleopatra had red hair and blue eyes, bro.
Come off it.
No, she was probably really thin, actually.
Really?
Yeah.
Egyptians, they're not.
Are Egyptians thick?
Ethiopians are slender.
Egyptians are pretty hot ladies.
They have like top tier ladies, I think.
Yeah, so Ethiopian as well.
Ethiopian?
Yeah.
The darker one.
They have like.
No.
Aren't there Ethiopians with blue eyes?
Ethiopians, yeah.
No, they're like kind of like fair.
They're like slender and fair.
I mean, I'm not going to get into all that, but Ethiopians are babes.
Yeah.
They're wrapping it around us too. Talk about African diaspora. get into all that, but Ethiopians are babes. Yeah.
Talk about African diaspora.
Talk about the diaspora?
I don't even know what a diaspora fucking is.
It's a grand migration, right?
No, I think it's just different types of people there.
Is that what that is?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
Can we define diaspora?
I hear this word being used all the time
How do you spell that?
D-I
Hold on, it's got a spelling bee
How do you spell it, LeMar?
D-I-A-S-P-O-R-A
I believe so
You're right
Yeah, I was right, see?
The spread of people from the religion of the home man
Yeah, Sean Wins
Damn
The dispersion of the Jewish people beyond Israel
They got straight up booted
You know how they left Israel originally? The Romans Really the romans kicked their ass out where'd they send them
europe yeah they're that's like a very harmful anti-jewish trope there's like a uh a number
people say the countries they got kicked out of yeah and i watched like an adl funded thing and
it's dude they get like a tough jewish kid
who's like you guys think it's cool to say we got kicked out of 111 countries we'll guess again
because that includes the villages not the country can you imagine getting kicked out of 111 countries
as a race yeah the russians are like can we get these guys out of here?
His claim, the official claim,
well, dude, it's so funny because I didn't know,
I thought that was just like a historical fact.
I didn't like go bandying it around
being like the Jews got kicked out of countries,
but it was like,
that's like one of those like white supremacists
like you toss out the number like,
brother, 109 soon to be 110.
But this guy was like, real cool guys here's what
really happened and it's the old story of them having to be money lenders and then the european
kings is being like yeah we don't know you guys money anymore get the fuck out to be honest 110
countries is most countries oh that but the guy here's the thing the official position is that
they are including villages and over inflatingating the number. Which is funny.
You'd be like, it's not true.
And then being like, some of those numbers are villages, not countries. It's like, damn, player.
We got kicked out of small towns.
Come on.
Yeah, it's fucked up.
It's fucked up.
If I was a European king, I wouldn't kick Jews out of my country.
You'd let them stay?
Fuck yeah, I'd let them stay.
I'd convert the whole, I would have converted all of Europe to Judaism.
It was just by the fate that we got into Christianity.
What if we were all Jewish?
Christianity is,
I mean, it takes the whole Old Testament, which is
a sick move for a religion to just be like, yeah,
that's ours, and
then some new shit. Because Jesus is Jewish,
dude. I know. And they killed him,
so we get to take it. That's fair, too.
You preach them, brother. Yeah, I mean, that is, is again you don't have to say with any vitriol that is a historical fact did you know noah was a drunk after the ark he like became a wine drunk makes sense yeah he became
like a who made a vineyard and his kids would just be like dad you're drunk yeah didn't like
one of them there was a biblical story where where one of them see their father naked because he passed out
drunk. The rule back then
was that if you see your father naked
you have to go into exile.
Really?
The Jewish people have had very bizarre laws.
Everyone kind of did back then.
They had some real sick ones.
If you saw your father's dick, you had to leave.
You had to just pack
your shit up. You had to fucking leave. I i'm telling you there's a story where a guy i don't think it was
abraham it might have been no actually noah got drunk and passed out and his sons were like yo
let's go peace was it esau i think he saw his penis yeah dude i'm you. And his son peeps his dong. And it's like, dude, he has to leave.
He peeped the burning bush.
You got it.
Genesis 9.23.
Yeah, this is it, dude.
The curse of Canaan.
God damn, I'm a goddamn biblical scholar.
This is my favorite story in the Bible.
Let me see.
The nakedness of their father.
Their faces were turned backwards,
and they did not see their father's nakedness.
Shem and Japheth.
But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders, So who looked at his dick?
They would not see him naked.
Okay, so Shem didn't see it.
They didn't want to look at him naked.
Did your dad ever, like, make you come in and bring him a phone when he was taking a shit?
I had to bring my dad
toilet paper so many times.
It's the worst smell.
You open it,
it's crazy.
That shit's crazy.
Dude, I had to,
it was like nothing, too.
Like, I was like 12
and he'd be like,
bro, bring me the phone.
I'm like, dude,
you're fucking naked.
Yeah.
But I think you just,
you just put your, like,
dick down.
Yeah.
You tuck.
I think he was tucking dong.
Yeah, when you have kids,
you don't realize how much
your dad's just tucking dong around you. When you have kids, you don't realize how much your dads are tucking dong around you.
When you have kids, you got to be tucking dong constantly.
Because kids, they don't know what dicks are, but if they're sitting or they'll walk on you and stuff,
their foot hits your dong and they're just kind of like, what is that?
You're like, yo, fucking get off my dick.
For real, get off my fucking dick, dude.
Hop off my jaw.
Why you guys hop off my fucking dick so hard?
Because they're like
all about boobs.
So they're like,
they're always like,
they're kids.
It's squishy nice.
It's slime.
Yeah, dude.
It's the fucking Juicy Tight.
Did you see the video
of the Juicy Tight?
Oh, dude.
Spud sent this to me.
This is my favorite.
This might be my favorite
fucking thing.
Juicy Tight.
I told my wife
she had the Juicy Tight.
She was so fucking,
she was so pumped.
You got that juicy tight.
African women got that juicy tight, dude.
American women don't work.
American women work and they want to fucking control their husbands.
African women got that juicy tight.
Dude, let me see.
This is the best.
This might be my favorite.
She's just knocking up on a dude's window.
On his door, excuse me.
Why's he not playing?
You know the Juicy Tite?
I do not know the Juicy Tite.
Never heard of it.
This shit's on mute for some reason.
What the hell?
Did I get kicked off the motherfucking thing?
You got kicked off YouTube?
Yeah, true.
There we go, there we go.
Yo, you good, son? I am good son oh i see this yeah from africa
she have the knife yeah yeah yeah what's going on because i think i was looking for you
what you looking for me for i like you dude i would have let her in man
yeah yeah i got the right person maybe it's the wrong person. Maybe it's the wrong address. Please.
Yeah, it's the wrong address.
I'm not female.
There is a difference between female and woman.
Female is just for your pussy, for your dick and money.
I'm from Africa.
I cook clean.
Good love.
Got juicy tight.
Good love and juicy tight.
They cook for the man.
Dude.
Man, I'm not a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman.
I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a woman. Good love, but juicy tight. Good love and juicy tight.
Dude.
Man, I was like, I was telling someone.
How could you turn that away?
How could you turn that away?
I got good love and the juicy tight.
I'm cooking clean.
I'm like, yeah, just put that knife down, man.
Get in here.
Drop the knife.
Come on in.
I got some hamburger helper that's ready to go.
A lady's in with her knife.
Tell me she has a juicy tight.
A difference between female and woman.
Oh, yeah, dude.
People just want your money and your dick.
Woman got juicy tight.
Good love is a juicy tight.
Cook clean.
Doesn't work.
That is a good woman.
Yeah, telling your woman she's got the juicy tight
just makes them so excited.
You got that juicy tight.
It's like, what?
Dude, I kind of hate...
You don't want the juicy Lucy, though.
I hate when my fucking girls work, dude.
Come on.
Yeah.
They lose the juicy tight by working.
Working crushes them.
Well, they're having sex with all their coworkers.
Yeah.
Women go to jobs, and it's like, it's crazy.
They slunk their way up the ladder, dude. I'm telling you. You have to just let it go, too. Yeah. Women go to jobs and it's like, it's crazy. They stuck their way up the ladder, dude.
I'm telling you.
You have to just let it go, too.
Yeah.
If your woman's at a job, she's for sure, she has like four other lovers.
Because she thinks she's in a TV show.
Every woman that works at a job thinks her life is a TV show.
Whether they're in the office, they're looking for Jim.
If they're in the restaurant, they think it's Vanderpump Rules.
Yeah.
They go, man, there's so much juicy gossip around here and it all revolves around me man that's
such a weird coincidence yeah women at work are like 10 year olds mowing the lawn they're like
oh wow this is great i get to do this i get my big boy pants dude the big boy
big boy pants are here for my allowance. Well, this is exciting.
This is what grown-ups do.
I swear to God.
I think now they're waking up to the fact that working sucks.
Sex in the City, I've said this a bazillion times.
Sex in the City psyoped a generation of women into being like, fuck families.
We need to be career women.
And they're just like.
Dude, what about Ally McBill before that?
Who's Ally McBill?
Ally McBill, single female lawyer.
Right. Yeah, before female lawyer. Right.
Yeah, before the fucking, dude.
All these women doing shit, dude.
Yeah, but that didn't have the traction on girl culture.
That Sex and the City, for real, like, psyoped chicks so hard.
I mean, maybe, I don't know, Ally McBeal might be a little older.
But Sex and the City, I watched that rock a group of ladies.
That city pushed, that show pushed the age of
marriage back by like six years easy dude easy yeah they're like no I have to
go to a cosmopolitan area first and find a CEO I have to go to New York I have to
write journals and like do the jobs are just like every woman movie is like a
badass bitch boss who's so mean then she's like let me see your fashion
portfolio oh this is promise every girl
has the same coffee every single girl has the same day they wake up they make up they do get coffee
they go to the gym then they lay around until they have to go be a whore
we're talking about hard-working women, dude.
What are you talking about? What was in that cream soda?
A little bit of da truth?
He's sitting on da truth.
Yeah, but dude,
how sick would it be
to lay around?
How sick would it be
to just lay around
and wait to be a whore?
Laying around and waiting
to be a whore is my life, too.
It's a woman.
It's a woman.
It's a woman.
It's a lady in waiting.
Yeah.
Girls are too busy.
We need women to get back to their roots, dude.
We need more laying around.
They have too many activities going on.
They always have errands, dude.
Every girl has an errand.
Like, every day.
I fucking love them.
The fuck?
Why do you have so many errands?
They love being consumers.
Dude.
The ultimate consumer.
A Target run.
Dude, every time you go to Target with your wife, it's fucking $300.
Bullshit.
A fucking bullshit.
But there's also, like, I don't have anything in my house.
I don't have any things.
Yeah, they do good.
I don't buy things.
You don't need things.
Piling crap in your house.
No, I don't think I need things, but it is kind of weird.
Well, you need a video game console.
You need a good TV.
I have that.
You need a couch, a bed, and a computer.
That's all you need as a man. That is all. That's have you need a couch a bed and a computer that's all you need that is true maybe a car and then you don't even need that as much
on the other day that was kind of nice how'd that feel damn good flexing your fucking muscles all
the time shirtless i feel like so many what kind of design you got anything though no design bro
just straight streaks
Yeah I suffer from the delusion
That when I go out
For like one of my
Grueling 1.3 mile runs
Yeah
Like while I'm walking
My calves are on fire
So I'm walking back
I'm like dude
There's probably all these housewives
Just looking through the blinds
Checking out my fucking calves dude
They're probably
I'm walking up the steps
Doing all my tippy toes
Just fucking like
You gotta flex for these babes Get this dude They're just laying there Just whores in weight dude calves, dude. I'm walking up the steps, doing all my tippy toes. Just fucking like, yeah.
Get this, dude. They're just laying there.
Just whores in weight, dude.
Check this shit out, man.
Big ass
jacked off calves. I got fucking
fat the last like...
I got fat as hell. I was
killing it, dude. I was on carnivore.
Just killing it. And then I got
sick for a little bit. And then, dude, I was on carnivore just killing it. And then I got sick for a little bit.
And then, dude, I gained weight so fast.
It's ridiculous, dude.
I feel like I picked out on chocolate on Valentine's Day.
I gained like seven pounds.
I think that's the kind of carnivore because then like your body like starts eating and it's like we got to store all this stuff.
We can't like.
True.
Yeah. No, mine was more of, we got to store all this stuff. We can't lose it. Yeah.
No, mine was more of inactivity and sluggishness.
And I just started pigging, dude.
I can't stop pigging.
I'll be full.
This is the battle I have with myself, where it's like, I'll be so full.
And I'm like, dude, why are you eating right now?
You're full.
I'm like, one more bite.
Dude, you got Cushing's, too.
What's Cushing's?
That's the disease dogs get
where they can't eat they get the big bloated belly or all they do is eat they can't stop
eating i think my whole family has cushions it's so hard to not just eat until you feel
sick and then i what happens is i have so much food in my this is like this is i feel like bad
about this i get anxiety about like food going to waste so i'll like crush a gigantic bowl of
something just to be like not throwing it out and i'll just be sick and i'll be sitting there like
fuck i didn't need to eat that why did i eat a meal right before dinner time it's like well i'm
not gonna let my dinner go to waste and i just eat lunch i crush my dinner now you're not good
for night sex please everything's about sex with you I like morning yeah yeah the morning's
better nice way to start today you're like well I'm already up do you take
true you are up do you take the you take morning breath to the face or do you
like do you kind of like shy away from it yeah I'll take it to the face or do you shy away from it?
Yeah, I'll take it to the face.
I don't have a good nose.
Really?
I don't really know unless it's very bad.
If it's very bad, I'll be like,
I got some mouthwash.
You don't smell that good.
Who?
You don't smell.
I'm saying you don't smell.
You smell fine.
I'm saying from an olfactory perspective,
you can't verb smell that good.
No, I can't.
I can't.
It's tough.
It's tough.
It has to like really smell for me to like notice.
Really?
So you can, in theory, take on the stinkest pussy.
In theory, and not to confirm, but I think I have.
Do you ever tell women that?
Like, bro, if I'm smelling it, it's a motherfucking problem.
No, I can't do it.
Yeah, true.
I can't do it.
That would be rude.
I just kind of probably won't see her again.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
When I was young and foolish, I used to pride myself on being like,
dude, give me the stankiest.
I don't care.
You liked it like a fine cheese?
I was always like, who cares?
Just a nug. Give me that. I was all about just I was always like, who cares? Just a nug.
Give me that.
I was all about just being like, dude, who cares?
Like, why would you care about that?
Yeah, I was shamelessly here. Why would you care about that?
Now I know it can be related to like the health of the vagina now.
That fishy smell could be like for real.
It's called BV.
It can be like a bacterial infection.
I would take it on.
I would like to do a thing, you know, again, if I were a single man where I'd find the
stankiest and like get their pussies fixed.
That'd be nice.
BV repair.
Yeah.
Resuscitate.
Just a stanky pussy.
Extreme pussy makeover.
Extreme makeover pussy edition.
Just have cucumbers on her pussy.
I think it can be fixed.
I think stank pussy can be fixed.
It can be fixed.
It's just biotic, antibiotics.
Really?
Yeah.
Have you fucking renovated any pussies?
Me?
How do you know it's antibiotics?
Oh, for the BV.
Yeah, for the BV.
Well, there's BV, which can be bacterial infection,
but then there can be like a hormonal stank factor.
Like some dudes stank.
Yeah.
Obviously some pussies stank.
Yeah.
I don't mind the stank on like a hereditary stank.
That's fine with me.
If I'm smelling your ancestors, I'm like, that's fine.
But if it's the BV, that's when I'm like, babe, we got to go on extreme pussy makeover.
I'm going to get this pussy in tip top shape.
Ma'am, you're staining my sheets.
Well, apparently BV can develop from having too many sexual partners.
Different type of cums can get in there
and fucking turn into a back...
I should probably back that up with science.
That's gross.
I'm pretty sure BV can come from too many...
I gotta tell you,
I have a friend who had a girlfriend with BV,
and your theory is sound.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was for the streets.
She was for the streets.
And he smelled that BB and said,
I know you've been with another man.
I can feel it.
I smell it.
What is this bullshit?
Why does your pussy smell like the Italian market?
They broke up.
There was one time,
there was one time on my computer,
he made me make a...
I thought he was making a...
He wanted me to make him a CD for his friend who had a baby, but he made me make a CD for
this lady.
He made you make a mixed CD for his lady who was cheating on him?
Yeah.
What were the songs like?
Love songs or hate songs?
Love songs.
He was in love, dude.
Yeah.
He had you make the mixed CD?
Because I thought it was for... What songs are we talking? I don't know. I don't remember, dude. It was He had you make the mix CD? Because I thought it was for...
What songs are we talking?
I don't know.
I don't remember, dude.
It's like the Pokemon theme song.
I'm winning the beat.
It's my boo by Usher.
15 times.
True.
But I love that song.
Damn.
Poor son of a gun.
You think women all have like one person
that keep in their heart above everybody else
even though they're in different relationships?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so, too. quarter little man the heart of the sea
fucking titanic that lady had leo dicaprio in her heart the whole time true oh yeah he died
i forgot spoiler spoiler the ship sinks the ship i don't remember somebody had a joke i can't
remember who was but they said uh can you imagine being that lady's husband when she gets to heaven
and then she hooks up with Leo?
You're like, I've been waiting for you for so long.
True.
But it'd be kind of nice, though.
It'd be tight, though, if she was Survivor with dead boyfriend
and then tear that pussy up and talk shit on Leo's dead ass.
Dead ass.
Dead ass down the bottom of the fucking ocean
of those pirates
yeah
this pussy's mine now dude
tell me the pussy
belongs to
belongs to you
that's right
the court de la mer dude
well dude
I think we did an hour
is that an hour
my spidey sense
whoa that was crazy
that was pretty quick
that was cooking
yeah man
god damn
another day in the office
yeah dude this is what we do man yeah miss you Shane I know Shane good luck That was crazy. That was pretty quick. That was cooking. Yeah, man. Goddamn. Another day in the office. Yeah, dude.
This is what we do, man.
Yeah.
Miss you, Shane.
I know, Shane.
Good luck.
Friday.
We go Friday.
We're all split up.
You're Wednesday.
I'm Thursday.
Matt's Friday.
Friday, we're down there.
Boots on the ground.
Be very fun.
Yeah, it's going to be a blast here.
Yeah, I'm very excited for the bro.
We were talking about it yesterday.
Like, I'm going to cry.
I'm totally going to cry.
It'll be
emotional dude i mean dude he was it's so sick he had to go through another world journey yeah
he fast-tracked it right there too he just did his thing and they were like here you go
yeah and then he should ride a horse into the studio that's not a bad idea. That would be so sweet. A white stallion? Like Caesar.
True.
Ape.
Home.
Yeah, or like, dude, motorized scooter wouldn't be that fun.
Horse would be way better.
But either way, dude, shout out to everybody.
Join us in the motherfucking Patreon.
I'm about to swing on in there.
I didn't watch the fucking cool movies.
I'm not in on the cool stuff.
I have a family. I can't watch monkey movies
with you guys.
You gotta watch it
with your fam.
True.
Yeah, they'd like it.
They would love that shit.
Later.
Sayonara.