Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Ep 492 - Dog Breed Info
Episode Date: May 2, 2024Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Go See Matt Live @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com Go See Shawn Gardini if you want @ https://linktr.ee/shawngardini Plea...se go to optimum noctis in austin at the creek and the cave Tues May 7 @ https://www.creekandcave.com/events/optimum-noctisvb6dfszg51bdq3 Get Merch @ mssecretpodcast.com/merch Hello everybody. We hope you're having a good week!! The D.A.W.G.Z. have been reunited. Podcast Classico. Just the bros fresh off a birthday bash. Despite wicked warts and scars from pool balling the bros delivered a hot mf cast, but what else did you expect. Please enjoy. God Bless. Head to ShadyRays.com and use code: DRENCHED for $20 off polarized sunglasses. Visit https://www.fast-growing-trees.com and use code DRENCHED for an additional 15% off your first purchase. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms & Conditions may apply. Go to https://auraframes.com/mssp and get up to $20 off today.
Transcript
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There's no reason not to start with some pool ball talk.
We have to. The first game.
The first official. Yeah, that was the first official.
As you can see, massive bruise from too many fucking slam dunks.
Disgustingly huge bruise from too many slam dunks.
That's what happens.
You drink a little bit.
All of a sudden, you can't feel your arm as much. Yeah.
Turns out there's major swelling. My feet are destroyed.
Oh, pool ball feet.
There's a I got a hole on the bottom of this toe. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. that thing hurts like fuck
Yeah, that hurts very badly
I'm like fucking book of job right now. I got this thing. That's bad. I fucking I was using a slicer
I slice like a chunk out of my finger. I'm for real job, dude. I got I had a wicked ward on my leg
I got it removed. I got it removed to the dermatologist
You can work I had a wicked ward on my leg and he took the nitrogen
They put you ever get a wart blasted
Off you know they get liquid nitrogen. They freeze it
So it's like he's like I'm gonna get it's like when you do it sometimes
It takes like three or four trips to get it all the way off. He goes dude
We're gonna get this thing off
Blasting me for five seconds straight did it hurt yet fucking hurt the first two seconds are freezing cold third second is like extreme pain
fourth and fifth I was literally in the office being like ah ah! And I was like laughing, I'm like dude
this fucking kills. Why are they, what the fuck? He was, because if you don't do
enough it doesn't fall off and you got to go back, so he goes you just want to
get this thing off now, I'm like rip it dude. What happened to like anesthesia for
anything? Not for dermatology. Why don't they, dermatology, there has to be something.
They can do, for dermatology they can can they can numb the area but for blasting a wicked ward. It's so quick
But then it hurts it fucking you get a I could probably show you actually we can just show it but wounds
Oh it popped. Yes
Yeah, that dudes my wicked ward pops you see it
You yeah, dude, You're fucking gross.
What's that on your wrist?
That's a staph infection. What's that?
You're gonna die.
I'm booking Jobe, dude.
Your house is gonna collapse with your family.
It might, dude.
My wife is down, so I'm telling you.
I've been Jobe.
I did it the day before
she had surgery. I'll get into that, but she had surgery.
I'll get into that.
I have boils.
I have boils basically.
Yeah.
I've been full job mode for just like two weeks
or I guess a week now, it seems like two weeks.
The devil's tempting.
This was, he is.
He has a bet with God.
Yeah.
Just smite me.
This was not a wart, it was, I forget,
he said some name, but it's like it's not a skin cancer
But it's like a non melanoma
Skin cancer pre what it looks like it honestly looked like a I thought it was a wart, but it's not it was just like
This spread out they look like big skin cells. That's what I have just accumulate. Let me say I'll tell you right now
Did you ever scratch them off yeah, they come right back dude. That's exactly what it was
I would scratch him off and they would bleed and I'd be like fuck
Maybe one away now. They've been there for several years really yeah, yeah, it's some kind of it's not he was like
It's not like skin cancer cancer, but it is a good look at the surface
We see you rotate the hand you can get a good look at it
Excuse my butt in the camera, by the way. Oh
I see I see it. Yes. I see it now
You got to get a blasted bro, I will not you got to go
There's a little joke I was telling this week. I was doing bad Borat.
If you do bad Borat, we were watching a book of Eli and I just kept going, Mila Kunis.
She's my wife.
She's Ashton's wife.
Mila Kunis is so pretty.
Yeah.
She would never get fucking Wicked Warts blasted off her.
Yeah.
How do you think she remains so pretty?
Girls are always in the dermatologist. All of her Wicked Warts are probably blasted off her. Yeah, you what do you think she remains so pretty? Girls are always in the dermatologist all four wicked warts are probably blasted right away
I had this thing rocking for like six months
I would every now and again I would look down and go you and then I would just forget about how big was it
It was a fucking sizable ward, dude. What's wrong with war? There's just fucking nasty, dude
I don't know cuz then you can then like I think they spread so I didn't want to like be like what you my life
I think you can spread a wart. Yeah, it's a human virus
Yeah, man, it is what it is. I mean a guard. Hey, man. I'll say this if all I gotta do
Oh, yeah, bro. Put the birthday
27 year old meat away
It's the guard dogs be dead. Yeah. Two seven bro.
That was what all the pool basketball is about. It was a birthday celebration.
Threw himself an elaborate party like a fucking psycho. Yeah, that was weird.
That was weird. He asked to do it at my house.
You might have some friends over your house and we can listen to some music.
I was like, dude, you got my kids here. He did try to have a freak off.
He tried to have a freak off.
My dude would not have a freak off.
He did have a fucking freak off.
Yeah, I saw him.
No, I didn't.
No freak off, and I didn't throw the party.
Why do we have to dress in all white, though?
What was up with that?
Why did we?
That's crazy.
We had to buy linens.
Special occasions.
We had to buy little linen outfits
for the 27th birthday. For my special day.
True, how you feeling on your V-Day?
I feel good.
Yeah, 27 is nice.
That's when a lot of great artists killed themselves.
I know.
Kurt Cobain.
Yeah, dude.
If you die now, if you kill yourself now,
you'll be known as a legendary,
a legendary,
I've thought about it.
sometimes headliner.
A legendary supporting act. A legendary supporting act.
A legendary supporting act.
Lamar would not even shed a tear.
He'd be so competitive.
He'd be like, I knew he couldn't take it.
That's not true.
I'd be so sad.
Thanks, man.
Would you kill yourself too and solve every?
No, but I'd be very sad.
Not sad.
That's not sad enough.
You wouldn't kill yourself? We all gotta go. No, I'm'd be very sad. Not sad, that's not sad enough. You wouldn't kill yourself for all this money?
We all gotta go.
No, I'm not killing myself.
I would throw myself on his casket.
Yeah, you'd be a black lady, even black lady funeral.
Oh my God.
I would carry you, I'll carry you the whole time.
Oh my God.
Ah!
They gotta cut that out. Dude.
No racism. I call no racism.
No, I hear you. They gotta cut that out.
You gotta keep it stoic, dude.
I've been saying this for years, you gotta keep it stoic like the Irish.
You chill, you go, pfft,
he's an asshole anyway.
I don't even care, and then you go home and you go
Aaaaaaaah!
It's you and your uncles with Bud lights, your chest.
You're like, fuck, the old bats finally did.
I was actually that's exactly what just happened.
My uncle, my uncle's funeral.
I was I got too close to the fucking photo montage.
Oh, stay away. Just chilling.
I'm having I'm fine.
Not crying. I got near the photo montage.
It was me and him. I was just
had to walk away. Phil was
standing next to it, watching it
to slide show.
He started crying.
I was like, dude, get the fuck out.
We got to get out of here.
It buzz off.
We can't be near the photo montage.
That was my guy, too.
That was my buddy.
Yeah. The slideshows will kill.
I'll see as I saw a slideshow
at like a fucking baby shower
of just like my wife's friend
and when she was a baby and I was like, Oh my gosh, Jesus Christ slideshows kill me,
dude. If I see someone's baby picture while I'm seeing them too, I get like fucked up.
Yeah. Yeah. It kills me. I imagine them as a baby. That's just kind of grown into that
person. I just like, Jesus Christ. It kills me. I hear it. That's nice. It gets me. I
was getting, I was all fucked up at this at the baby shower in Atlanta
Like just try not to cry like fuck you damn a baby shower in Atlanta. Yeah, we don't think dude
We're the only hunk
One of the if you were the only hunk sure you cry at the baby shower true
I gotta get way more smooth jazz though if I'm gonna be like she's gonna proud
If I'm one of the only honks that is I gotta get way more smooth jazz though if I'm gonna be like if you want to proud if I'm one of the only honks that is I gotta get way more smooth jazz ponytail double earring you
know I mean it for some reason it's totally acceptable for dudes to go to
baby showers in the black community I'm trying to preach the message of Irish
baby showers just girls dude I mean I'll carry something with my dad he's like
let's get the fuck out of here honestly they probably don't really run into that problem No racism JK JK JK
Now they're lit dude all the bros are there
No you don't have to delete that
The bros are there
We're allowed to goof around
We are allowed to goof
Speaking of uh, well actually that's a bad speaking off but
That's what he got in
Drake got accused of
Drake got accused of that by Kendrick Lamar
Kendrick Lamar said you're not allowed to say the N word and you're a bad dad.
Bro, not allowed to say the N word is the funniest thing.
That was making me laugh all night.
I was just being like, you can't say the N word anymore.
Because Drake has to now like scream the N word.
Yeah, he will.
He can't be. He can't be pulling punches with that now.
Also, Drake might be a white rapper now
We that was the diss on
Immediately what Rick Ross went to yeah Kendrick went to it
He's got to go god mode him in slum shady dude just go total god mode rap guys rap guys. Yeah
Damn dude, that's crazy. They're gonna start there. He hit him with. I do dislike the culture vulture stuff. It's kind of, it's like, that's the accusation.
I think Kendrick's diss was more chick shit
out of the two, which is kind of surprising.
You know, you'd think it would be the other way around,
but just being like, you know, I have to say that.
I don't like you, I hate everything about you.
You know, I have to say that word.
Yeah.
Uh. Uh. Uh. You know how to say that word. Yeah.
What do you think of that?
This was the battle last night.
We were fired up.
Were you guys battling about this?
Yeah, we battled about it for about three hours probably
because I had to control the ox dude.
I just kept playing Drake hits.
It was like another one, dude.
You forgot about this one and it's still better than fucking.
What was the song? It was my King King, King Coonters up there.
Money money trees.
Although the title is interesting of his song, Euphoria.
I know you think he's taking shots at the pedophilia.
Yes. Yeah, that's exactly what I thought when I saw it.
I said, oh, you little devil.
Yeah. You can't.
It's obviously the fucking man. He rules. rules, but it was pretty I liked it.
I thought it was kind of fun.
It is. Yeah. Making fun of making fun of someone
is fathering in a rap battle is very it makes me it always makes me laugh.
You're like, God damn, that sucks, bro.
Getting crushed for that, I'd be like, fuck.
Just yeah. What the fuck is he talking?
He doesn't know.
I don't know. That's what push it.
He went after him for push it.
He went at him for saying you're hiding that kid. Well, publicly, that doesn what Pusha T went after him for. Pusha T went at him for saying, you're hiding that kid, publicly.
But that doesn't mean he's not with him.
No, I think that was the exact thing.
You're hiding him and he's in France.
I think the other thing was like,
your son's in France, brother.
You don't live in France.
What's up?
I think that was the gist of it.
That's what I took from it.
Let the boy live in France, dude.
I mean, it is great schooling.
Yeah.
It is pretty, I mean, you know,
in medieval times it was pretty customary.
John Adams did, to his sons.
Yeah.
The fuck, dude.
You know how to be a good statesman.
True, dude.
Send your boy abroad.
Drake's sons could be rapping patriots.
They could be like, no, it's my time.
He is, he has some hits.
He has more recent.
I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of Hamilton.
Drake's son has a more recent hit than Kendrick really
I'm thinking of Hamilton my bed
Wait, what's Drake's son? What's Drake's son? He's just I don't know. Oh that one fucking weird. Did he do one? I
Imagine if your mom was a French porn star your dad was Drake
Pretty cool. You think? No it sucked dude.
How is that cool?
Gotcha. So he put the boy. That's Patrick Kendrick dude. He put the boy on the booth.
I'm just saying this to get Lamize fired up. He put the boy in the booth. He put his young
boy in the booth. He said my son's back from, he's learned. Listen to him rap, he does seem to struggle with English.
That could be, he's too much French schooling.
Could be an AI song.
He might be Drake using AI.
He is an AI song, dude.
Drake has AI abs, too.
The abs are nuts, dude.
Being like chubby and getting abs is sick.
Yeah, that's very funny.
What if those are real abs, dude?
I mean, they're on it.
I believe he has real abs, dude.
They're on his body.
You know, how he went about getting them.
I think he's accusing him of ab implants.
Yeah.
Which is very funny.
This isn't his first time.
People have been accusing him for a while.
Of ab implants?
I mean, it's such a-
There seemed to be nothing new that Kendrick said though. Yeah, it was just like you have implants
I don't like you. I don't like you which is funny
No, the new thing is you can't say the n-word that you can't cross kind of Rick Ross already did that
I don't know. I mean, what else can you do after you take the n-word from a man accusing him of having fake abs?
They've taken everything you've lost
His abilities as a father taking they called him gay to he said he shakes ass or pops ass of women that one hurt
Yeah, I like that
Can't call him gay dude. He's not gay
Drake's not fucking gay. He's not dude and his abs are real. He's a heterosexual man with real abs who can say the n-word. Dude, Rone.
Rone dropped a diss. What? Rone dropped a diss on KFC. He fucking did. It was too mean. On who?
KFC, Kevin from Barstool. Why are they dissing each other? Over the six years in the Knicks series.
From Barstool why do they why are they dissing each other over the six years in the next series?
Okay, if Kevin started if that's all if it was over just that Rones a devil
If she made a mean video I think about ron that instigated him
Well, and then I took to the pen in the pad He took to the pen in the bag went to the booth is you gotta give it a listen much see breezy fucking went nuts
Do what breezy? What's he?
Hip-hop we hip-hop heads is I mean it's off of the battle right now is team light skin team dark skin
That's the battle. That's the I'm reading Twitter
Team light skin team dark skin
That's the battle. That's the I'm reading Twitter. Do you doubt it?
See Breezy went after Quavo and he basically was like
We all we all wish you died not yeah, he fucking shitty
They crushed him dude. It was very mean why seemingly out of nowhere, but I think they've had altercations before.
It could be wrong, but I think they have beef over the celebrity basketball game.
Do you know about that, Lamir?
I think Breezy cooks Quavo every year
and talks a lot of shit about it.
And then, I don't know if it was fake or not,
but I also saw a image that said Breezy
bought all the tickets to Quavo's show
and it was like an empty crowd.
Yeah, I saw that.
I don't know if that's real or not.
I don't think that's real.
I don't get the fuss over Breezy, if I'm being honest.
You kidding me?
People love Breezy.
He rules.
He beat a woman and then he came out with so many hits
that everyone was like, in real time.
And he's got the moves like Jagger.
What?
But also, allegedly.
Name a hit by Chris Brown? Post Rihanna. Oh dude, there's a million of them now no name one I can't I don't
know no that's bad it's bad he does the one where he's like look your time
there's a liquor joint brother I'm telling you I don't know the names I
only know Indigo rips Indigo is crazy, dude He does have good moves. I'm telling dude. He's come out with my understand. He's he's very talented
I'm just saying also allegedly Rihanna told him that she gave him herpes and then she bit his finger off or something
Yeah, that's not right
She's so happy to bite his finger off. He's gonna go the album Indigo's
Unbelievable and the hit off there's a hit on this song on this album
Indigo's unbelievable and the hit off there's a hit on this song on this album
No, no guidance no guidance featuring Drake
No guidance featuring Drake hit
Hit the song Indigo itself a little bit of a drink a little hand people hits to know
See Breezy steals the show see see
Tell me I'm team breezy, bro. I've been team breezy
So much better than this shit
Well, the song is called weakest link. So he's claiming it was a week
He did that it was very mean breezy's a jerk
He is a straight-up jerk. I'm saying as a hit maker. He's still out albums every five fucking minutes. Yeah, see Breezy Breezy's got
Well, it's funny in his song against Quavo's like stop talking about women beating you beat women I barely beat
Is like you beat up a lady in an elevator enough about my stuff
It is funny. No, I'm just saying people love Chris Brown and I don't. It's just not there for me.
I was like whatever.
I heard he beat up Rihanna.
I was like that's not nice at all.
And then I just listened to the radio.
I'm like damn who's this?
I'm like Chris Brown.
I'm like god damn it.
I'll be honest him beating Rihanna didn't affect me.
You were pissed.
Yes.
I didn't even.
I wasn't upset once.
I forgave OJ.
I'm not going to mad at, you know?
I mean, that's none of our business.
That's family business.
That's family business.
That's a dispute between a couple, man.
I'm not staying away from that.
But yeah, apparently, I can go on and on about this.
I know everything.
What?
Yeah, keep going.
I was saying, I think Cardi B, not Cardi B,
Nicki Minaj got in trouble for saying that Rihanna,
oh no, she was saying Megan Thee Stallion had her Rihanna moment after getting beat up or shot by yeah
And she's like you're just milking it Rihanna took it like a champ and just kept moving and everyone's like that's really shitty
Everyone was like that's really I do feel like
black the world of
Specifically like black entertainers have been just rocked by the internet in the last like six months cat Williams
Sent everything into a day. No, I think it started started with Will Smith
Slap Chris Rock and the whole the black universe exploded
It was a supernova. They're like no, which one do we pick?
It was a supernova. They were like, no, which one do we pick?
That was definitely the Black Fiend pigs. That was the Jets.
That was the Archduke, Franz Ferdinand. That was the Black Hand.
The Black Hand.
Dude, I tell them the Black Universe is in absolute peril.
The Black Universe is in turmoil, dude.
It's crazy, dude.
What's going on? We need a black savior.
Who's going to?
I know.
Who could it be?
Who could it be?
It's not Unc.
Unc is just stoking the flames.
Unc's stoking the flames.
I mean, he's getting paid.
I'm not going to knock him for eating, but I'm not going to forget his paper.
Did you know, apparently, Ocho Senko head-butted his wife.
Ocho Chino?
Ocho Chino head-butted his wife?
Yeah.
He's good at soccer, too. That was probably a fuckingjochino headbutted his wife? Yeah. He's good at soccer too.
That was probably a fucking...
You think it was a jumping butt?
Yeah.
Because I was like showing Brittany a clip and she's like, oh, that's the guy who headbutted
his wife.
I was like, he didn't fucking headbutted her.
I looked it up and I was like, oh, there he is.
But you're just saying he headbutted a lady?
Definitely headbutted his wife.
Fuck.
Yeah, dude.
That's a rough one.
A headbutt's fucking...
A headbutt's tough, dude.
Damn, in the middle of a fight like her, in your face and just be like fucking bitch.
Don't you know that, Lamar?
Yeah, because isn't it like Jocelyn Hernandez who he did it to?
She's like a big stripper lady now.
Well, what? Damn, he knocked his wife into stripping.
You know, I was laughing about I was watching when we were watching the sports
highlights, there's like, you know, there's a lot of women on ESPN now. You know what I was laughing about? I was watching when we were watching the sports highlights.
There's like, you know, there's a lot of women on ESPN now.
And it's like it's like an effort to not be sexist, but it's the hottest,
most ridiculously smoking hot women.
I know the babes from ESPN. It's crazy.
I care about them.
It is so funny to be like, look, we're not going to be sexist.
We're going to include women.
It's just ladies with the most like the most giant tits.
And it's like, yeah, it's hot babes.
It's pretty crazy.
Although they are the trailblazers. You think it shouldn't be more sporty babes though because
the dudes are like shack wait you're talking sporty baby yeah i'm talking like softball catchers
yeah we should have like yeah it's already jodie foster be active. It's like god damn my fantasy football team's in
the gutter right now. Oh my
pussy itches. Hold on. Hold on
a second. I'm my fucking cunt
stinks. I gotta go home. I
think I shit my pants. Yeah.
Why did they? I shit my
bridges. Why the fuck did they
make Jodie Foster that person?
That fucking shows. Did you watch it? I watched a lot of it. That shows sucks, God.
I wanna go back.
The scenery's amazing with like the forever nighttime.
It's snowy.
I'm like, this is so cool.
Yeah, but they made it.
It's just Herbie like, my pussy burped.
And you're like, all right.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
They made it, it was funny.
Somebody brought this out.
It was like the, might've been Baby Billy.
About how the one season of True Detective
where it's like women, they still don't solve the problem.
Like ghosts, ghosts have to come and be like,
there's the body.
It has to become supernatural for them
to be able to solve it.
Yes.
You think they'd be good detectives.
Women would be fantastic.
I think they are.
They're very, they're very, yeah, they're very on it.
I bet they could get blinded though
and just be like, that guy's guilty.
I know it. Yes, true. I'm gonna get blinded though and just be like that guy's guilty. I know it. Yes
I'm gonna make the evidence fit. That's true. Okay. I love him. He's innocent
They're they're very susceptible to loving serial killers. This is a chance of that. He's actually a good guy
And I love everybody loves serial killers. Yeah women like write them letters though. And they're like, oh, yeah
I've never understood that they're fucking celebs, dude. I know. Women love that shit.
Maybe it goes, you know, harkens to something
like deep within them, just know like a murderous man
is like, yeah, I love him.
He would make me so safe.
He would kill him.
He would tie you up and eat you.
Somebody just said they found another body in the lake.
No. Another sweet boy's gone missing?
I think another beautiful sweet boy is gone. No
This is fucked up
You think to the serial serial killer has to be gay
Obviously, he's either the easy they're gay or serial killer. You are we're standing on true. He could be standing on
Right now straight business dude, you might just be a hetero. 10 toes dude, it could be straight business right now.
Just a hetero.
Just cleaning up these Batman dudes.
There's no way a hetero man.
Streaked and lost and filled with homosexuals.
I'm gonna stop it.
Somebody has to stop these gay guys.
There's no way, there's no way.
It's gotta be a gay guy.
Also it sucks that if you get killed by them
that you're just gay.
I know.
Everybody that's gotten killed they're like, man this guy's killing all the gay guys. It's like, how do if you get killed by him that you're just gay. I know everybody that's gotten killed
They're like man. This guy's killing all the gay guys like what how do we know they're gay, bro?
If any one of us falls to them up I'll carry your banner. I'll say he wasn't gay the serial killers morphed
Now he's killing the coolest straightest guys
I heard he's only killing the toughest guys
He's only killing the toughest guys
He said a lady laying under a cardboard box the string and pulled it out if I can call my friend
Fucking looney tunes trapped my friends dude imagine you're in like an apartment in downtown Austin having gay sex And the dude just pulls out a bludgeon you're like
Oh, man, that's probably how it's going down
You know what I mean or especially right when they pull a bludgeon out most were probably yeah. Yes. Oh my yes, daddy like, oh man. That's probably
how it's going down. You know
what I mean? Or especially
right when they pull a budget
out most of them are probably
like, yeah. Yes. Oh my. Yes,
daddy. I'm okay. Oh my god. I
mean, we're making fun of
victims. Whatever. Well, no,
it's just we're painting a
realistic picture. We're just
joshing. I'm saying to Matt, in
the middle of gay sex, you start
getting murdered. It's like
that. That sucks. Dude. We're
getting murdered regardless to
be but in this case, it is guys
having gay sex and murdering a guy.
That's crazy.
It's so scary.
It's undeniably funny.
It's the worst shit.
So scary.
Life flashing before your eyes.
Sean said he got two.
There was a documentary on Netflix called Don't Fuck With Cats.
That guy killed gay people.
Hold on, they caught a Lamise?
Wait, they caught the gay?
Can I take a gander, please?
Wait, is that the guy that's a murder suspect?
Victim?
This is a man who was killed on April 15th.
Oh man.
Damn, recently.
Well, hold on.
Damn. I know. Well, it's true. They call it a Lamise.
Oh my God, dude.
How do they know all these guys are gay?
I don't think these guys are gay. One guy's, this guy's fishing.
That guy looks straight as hell.
I was about to say, that guy looks straight as hell.
Let's put some fucking respect on him, bro.
That guy, yeah, just calling these guys gay kind of sucks.
Yeah, he's not gay.
That guy's straight as hell.
Although, some of these, yeah, that would suck too
if you jumped off the bridge to kill yourself.
Oh!
Then they fish up your body and they're like,
yeah, he was having gay sex and someone killed him.
It's like, no, I was having gay sex and someone killed him. No, I was depressed.
RIP brother.
Damn, that guy looks straight as hell.
Yeah, who knows?
There's nothing about this guy.
I think the city of Austin's trying to hide it.
Yeah.
Don't get scared.
I didn't hear, I've only heard about this word of mouth.
Yeah.
I don't see any headlines or anything.
It's just like
They're still saying that they're insisting that there's no serial killer, but there's been 12 in the past year in the same place
Bodies in the Lady Bird League is just drowning. Yeah, just gay guys drowning in Lady Bird Lake don't
Allegedly. That's terrible.
Nobody, everyone laughs.
You don't think it can happen to you, but watch the river.
They're gonna see fucking LaMare's zesty ass
scootin' around town.
Little thick type on a scooter, dude.
They're gonna go, ooh.
Daddy likes the black of the berry.
He's gonna get lassoed off his scooter. He's gonna get lassoed, dude. Ooh, daddy likes the black of the berry.
He's gonna get lassoed off his cue.
You're gonna get lassoed, dude.
He's gonna hog tie you before he puts you in.
You're gonna be greased up.
Wee, wee.
Oh my God.
If I was a gay serial killer,
I'd grease you up and slide in.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Although he's gotta worry about the diddler,
the diddler likes those chunky
Chunky little chocolate drops dude
Hershey kiss ass
See it I'm gonna go get him. No,
You're you're realizing I might have to cross dress and go beat up gay guys
There's nothing wrong kissing at the ball I get to the bottom of this mystery
Know that I went down with a fight dude, you'll have one tequila
What am I even doing? I don't ever do this
What's that bar dude, what's that one bar near the mothership of the big like pink neon
bars are Shaking ass. I'll be in there shaking ass for Poppy, dude. I'll be like...
There's just five Poppies in there.
The whole...
It's always empty.
I know.
The lights are insane and it's loud as fuck.
That place always gives me a chill.
I always look up from whatever I'm doing on my phone and see that place and go, oh, God.
That's...
Yeah, I can't even imagine any time in my life where I'd be like, let's go in there.
Well, dude, I might cross dress and party down
Like it beat poppy might beat my recognize this the line of fans going into the mothership is gonna be like what the fuck
Just get the bottle that'd be sick
To hit her ass dudes have to cross dress get to the bottom of the game murder mystery
That's actually pretty good and we stay masculine as fuck like the whole time like yo these fucking these things are killing my dick dude
Say well you didn't have to wear panties
What the fuck, no one told me. You have to wear a thong.
I'm wearing skims.
I'm wearing the Kardashian shape.
These gross girls wear thongs, dude.
Thongs are disgusting.
It's crazy to wear a thong.
I mean, Cisco had me, obviously.
Yeah, these are the best.
Then you see them in real life, and you're like,
so that thing's just up your asshole?
Against your asshole all night?
All right, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, when you see them in real life,
you're like, mm-mm, no thank you I am when you see them in real life. You're like mm-hmm. No, thank you
I what I'd like to see them in real life, but the thought of them
Was tall so I saw some briefs dude. I wouldn't mind some boxers. I'd like to see a girl in some boxes
This is different
You should be on ESPN true you should put on a flannel
You should be on ESPN. True. You should put on a flannel.
They should about the fucking they should make women on ESPN carry like tin pail like 1920s construction workers and just sit down and be like, yeah, fuck.
You guys see the fucking PGA this weekend?
Speeth was nasty. LPGA.
It's crazy.
I got fucked up down there. I was at the waste management tour, fucking got shit faced.
Fucking my fucking bitch husband told me to come home.
Some bullshit about watching our kids.
Fuck that.
We adopted.
Fucking pussy husband voted for Biden.
I mean, that's crazy.
The mayor voted for Biden.
Yuck.
Yeah, cuz my grandma asked me to.
True.
I'm down to talk politics.
Big mamas.
You want to go?
I'm down.
Joe forgave all my student loans today.
Ain't nothing wrong with Joe, dude.
He's a financial liberator.
I don't know if he should have done that.
He's just going to solidify all the gay college votes that he already had
and make everyone else even more annoyed.
I mean, I guess I don't care that everybody doesn't have to pay that I did.
I just paid mine off like a patriot this year.
Yeah, I paid mine off right away.
Well, I mean, as soon as I. Yeah, I paid mine off right away.
Well, I mean, as soon as I got money,
I let it slide for about 15 years.
Your school didn't predatorially choose you, though,
did they?
What do you mean?
Actually, your school did predatorially choose you.
Yeah, I got recruited.
I got tricked.
They were like, nah, it's pretty cool and chill here.
I was like, sweet.
You went to the Philadelphia Art Institute?
The, yes.
Spud was there as well. Spud to the Philadelphia Art Institute? The, yes. Spud was there as well.
Spud said the tuition like skyrocketed out of nowhere.
Now we're good, dude.
Really?
How much debt you talking?
I probably had like 80K for like,
What the fuck were you doing in college?
Just living out there.
You were taking out like the booster loans and shit?
Yeah.
Why were you, what did you study?
Huh? What were you studying? Web design. were you, what did you study? Huh?
What were you studying?
Web design.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah.
How many years?
Like three.
Yeah, and you never got your degree?
No, I got my degree.
Oh, nice.
Three year, you're on the accelerated program?
Yeah, Fast Track.
You got a bachelor's in three years?
Oh, Wonderkind.
Yeah, bachelor's of sciences, bachelor's of arts.
You have a bachelor's degree.
Yeah.
Wow.
Wow.
Three year too, that's accelerated course. Yeah. Wow. Three year to that's accelerated course.
Yeah. Oh, now it's full free here.
Joe Biden is doing the right thing.
He's gone. We need a mare to learn computers.
This site used to work out for the dogs.
It's the funniest website.
You made a dog website,
but you learned how to make a dog website.
That was your gig for like a year, right?
Two years, yeah, I used to make a dog website.
Did you really?
Yeah.
How's it look?
It looks bad.
Yeah.
It's just like a picture of a dog
and then like a sentence about the dog.
About the dog.
And it's like every dog.
What's the name of the website?
Dogbreedinfo.com.
Dogbreedinfo.com.
Dave, the site's gonna be flooded.
I gotta be honest, dude.
This isn't my design.
I had a new design that was like pretty sweet
and then she went back to this one.
Dogbreedinfo.com.
I don't mean to trash you on that.
No, man.
That's good.
A lot of ads, I don't like that.
Get paper, bro. Dogbreed. Learned it learn to speak dog. Take a dog quiz
website rocks
Haven't seen it in a while learn to speak dog learn to speak dog research dog breeds take a dog quiz
I could post my dogs right now quickly quickly trained dogs. He's fast track me and get me front page from
This website's crazy
Did you get to the links at the bottom?
Now quickly trained dogs not the bark is a German Shepherd I'm sorry, I had to. Look at the grouchy dog.
No.
Quickly train dogs not to bark
as a German Shepherd trying to kill somebody.
That's the grouchy dog.
Dude, the grouchy dog is nice.
This is, this website's.
This is crazy, this is like.
My dog was abused.
This is like Craigslist.
We used to work together, it was me and this lady can just post a story about your dog? Oh, nice.
Can you post any erotica about your dog?
It's Colin.
It's Colin.
It's Colin.
Just the classic picture of the lady
on top of the mountain is so funny.
What's the title?
It's not even a title.
It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain.
It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain.
It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain.
It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain.
It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain. It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain. It's just dog breed info, picture of the lady on top of the mountain is so funny.
What's the title?
It's not even a title.
It's just dog breed info, bam, lady on a mountain.
For no reason.
That's whenever you're building a website, this is the picture everyone always puts,
like, all right, a picture of me being happy and it's just a guy on a mountain.
You're like, perfect.
Submissive peeing.
I feel like you're getting more.
I don't even see grumpy dog.
You don't find grumpy dog.
No, I have the Siberian Neva.
What the fuck are these kittens doing on here?
Get them off here.
No, come on, man.
I know it's dogbreedinfo.com, but please let us get some kittens.
Sure.
Siberian Neva masquerade ragdoll kittens.
Damn, that's a dude.
That's crazy.
Do dogs discriminate?
Yes. Yes. The lady who owns this website, she really
loves Ron Paul. Does she really? She was mad libertarian. She hated the government. Damn,
that's why she has such an open source, sick ass fucking site. She doesn't like the government?
She hates the government and loves dogs.
Their daughters ruled.
You had some nice gigs, dude.
You designed dog websites,
you took pictures of children at schools.
Oh yeah, you were a school lifer.
He was that life.
He stared at kids all day.
Yeah.
Lamar Lee was a school photographer for some kids.
They're probably old now.
How old were you then?
How long ago was that?
Yo, follow up with that.
They had to be like,
that was right before the pandemic.
They had to be like six years ago.
Oh, it was just six years ago?
Yeah.
What grade was it though?
Didn't you get some eighth graders?
Middle schoolers.
Yeah, you told me you got some eighth graders.
Six, seventh, eighth grade, yeah.
They're all grown now, I think.
High school, they're high schoolers now.
Yeah, at least, at least. College school, they're high schoolers now. Yeah, at least.
At least.
College age.
True.
Yeah.
Follow up, say you're doing a longitudinal study.
You wanna get the before and afters,
you're gonna put them on dogbrainfo.com.
Say we need you for grumpy dog.
Kidding.
Kidding.
Wow, that's okay.
Now, we talked about this a little bit before
and you were much more honest the last time,
but wait, you're saying no? I don't know. Why, it's funny, he took school. That's okay now when we talked about this a little bit before and you were much more honest last time But wait you say no
Why it's funny took school ordered this up you nasty fucking 27 year old
You are a 27 year old piece of shit
Man, this is your first day as a 27 year old you just absolutely devastated LeBerre
Dog website and we looked at it on his podcast.
I want to see what you had in mind.
Yeah, what was your design?
Oh, it was just slides.
It made it look like an app.
It was pretty cool.
Oh, that is pretty cool.
You should have people,
people should be able to post pictures of their dogs.
Everybody wants to do that.
Yeah, man.
With a funny story about them.
Yeah.
Fuck Facebook, dude.
Go to dogbreedinfo.com.
So much better.
And you can just post a picture of your dog
and say, here's something he's been up to.
You can go, my dog Jackson's fucking blind.
He's limping.
My dog is so crumpy right now.
Somebody titled there's Top Dog.
Oh, top dog, dude.
Yo, top dog. Why you need to be a dog. Oh, that's probably showing how to like
This whole websites about dominating dogs
This is why me the pig dog breed
Dogs eyes glowing sc guarding food behind a table.
It's funny to think about old ladies rescuing dogs and the dogs fully realizing they've dominated the old lady.
Like, fill up my fucking bowl, you bitch. I Family never visits. There's like a six-year-old husky growling at her be like give me some more fucking food
It's fun to think about it's awesome
Getting totally downed by your dog
I didn't do I told you had a period when I had those
Kitas the one I keyed it was ground wouldn't come in at nighttime
I'm like dude get inside had a bone and it was ground at me and I was like so be it if you bite me
Bite me I grabbed the bone out of his mouth and it was like all right really yeah, that was a scary dog
Yeah, dude. I was a grumpy dog. It was a very grumpy dog. Yeah, it was vids its grumpiness
You had a nice range where like jump the fence and bite other dogs and would be like
Yeah, this is what make me laugh, I know this isn't good podcasting but I love this video.
What is it? Is that a grumpy dog? It's a grumpy dog. He's getting, somebody's giving the grumpy dog the middle finger.
That's not nice. He hates it. He's fucking pissed.
Mess up his hips. That's a dog getting the middle finger and not taking.... Dogs? No, dude. You ever like hold a knife up to a dog?
I've done it before.
Like I want to see like, can they tell something's fucked up
and they get kind of like,
yo, what the fuck are you doing with that thing?
I also think dogs can read your mind.
Rogan's dog got wild.
What happened?
He started kicking the heavy bag
and his goal retriever thought that he had to fight the bag.
He jumped in, he started looking around.
Really?
Barking, he was like, we gotta fight this bag.
Yeah, dude, I'm telling you.
They can read your mind.
I think they can, man.
Because anytime I'm thinking about walking my dog,
I look over, Matilde's just like,
I'm like, yo, get out of my fucking mind, dude.
Yeah.
I have a theory.
That's a good article for dog reading.
I'm gonna write it up.
Can dogs read your mind?
It'd be, everyone would be like, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, they can sense things we can't
True and he ain't know when you hold I've held a kitchen knife like this like what's up and they're like kind of like dude
What the fuck? Yeah, they I don't know if they can just recognize as a sharp object or what but
They know when they're getting put down to yeah, get them in the vehicle you go. We're gonna go on a ride then
down too. Yeah.
Get him in the vehicle, you go,
we're gonna go on a ride.
Shaq Diesel was sad.
Really?
He knew.
Tell him, I swear to God.
They hopped out of the car and was running around
and it was like, oh, all right.
You got the zoomies?
He's alive.
The boy can live longer.
Oh, that's when you guys took him and he zoomed out.
Yeah, my mom was like, we gotta kill him.
He showed you what was up.
And then they took him to the vet and he was fine.
He knew.
Yeah, he started doing, yeah. He knew you guys had murder on the mind. Yeah. He's got some murder on the mind. he was fine. He knew. Yeah, he started doing, yeah.
He knew you guys had murder on the mind.
Yeah.
He was 1A7, dude.
He started hitting jumping jacks to prove his virility.
Virality, virility?
Yeah, virility, his fucking strength and vigor.
He was covered in fucking tumors.
Was he really?
Shaq Diesel had fucking giant fucking melons all over him.
Should've freezed him. Should have freezed him.
Should have freezed him off.
Oh, no.
Blast him with the gun.
Shaq Diesel?
RIP.
Said freeze him up.
But yeah, the Toomey's, Matilda's got a tumor.
Jackson's got a fucked up knee.
It's not good right now for the dog.
The dog front of the house is not good.
No, it's joke, dude.
Even the dogs are suffering.
My dogs are suffering, I have fucking bulls.
Children are good though.
Children are doing good, thank the fucking merciful Lord.
I am a big fan of your kids.
They're possibly top two all the time.
They're very sweet, dude.
I mean that.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
They're very, very, very sweet.
They're a little naughty every now and again.
I was thinking about, this is gonna be,
just how nice it is.
Got those kids.
Oh yeah.
Because you were just sitting in that house
and Philly just jacking off on an air mattress.
Yes.
Then the Lord came and said stop fucking hanging out
with these guys.
No more.
Create two great kids.
They were having sex with 50 year old women on Tinder.
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Oh, yeah
All right, I'll get it shady motherfucking raise yes, dude
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Sean, I apologize, I don't think you're dumb.
I do think you're very bright.
Thanks, Shane.
Do you have any shows you'd like to promote?
Yeah, I do actually.
Thank you for asking.
Why don't you stick your fucking dirty face on the camera?
You fucking slut.
What the heck?
Hello, everybody.
If you can come to our...
No, Sean.
Sean.
Ah.
You can come to me, the Marin Nates Show,
on Tuesday, May 7th, next week at the Creek in the Cave.
Hell yeah.
It's gonna be good.
Please come if you can.
And then I'll be in Raleigh,
goodnights on June 6th on Thursday.
I'm bringing bees.
If you can come to that, thank you.
In the Midwest, thank you.
Also, shout out to, I think, Jacqueline from,
that, me and the Marry Metal lady,
that said she goes to all your pre,
what's it, Jacqueline?
Jacqueline at the Walmart.
Yeah, Jacqueline at the Walmart.
Shout out to Jacqueline.
She goes to all the pre-Monocta shows. Oh, thank you, Jacqueline. Shout out to you. Theeline she goes to all the premium Noctus shows. Oh, thank you Jacqueline
Sure, those real are awesome. Those are good shows and you guys run a tight ship and the three of you on stage is an absolute
Delight that is nice. I like seeing three of the goofiest guys I've ever met my fucking life
Tickets are on the Instagram, please come say
Indianapolis, please come and Denver, please come at mccustard.com, please come. Yeah. Yeah. Indianapolis, please come. And Denver, please come.
MattMcCuster.com, please.
I have the news shows up on the internet.
ShaneMGillis.com.
Yeah.
Dude, I got, yeah, it was the best.
It's real.
It's the best thing in the world.
You know, it's very exhausting.
Those kids aren't as nice as yours.
True.
Not a very nice kid.
They're very, they're very adventuresome too, which is nice.
I watch kids at the playground,
they won't go down the slide,
I'm like, dude, that would piss me off.
So.
LaMara wouldn't go down the fucking slide.
What?
That was fucked up.
The slide was locked.
We were at a park, where were we, in Michigan?
Yeah.
What kind of slide are we talking about?
Big ass slide.
Twisty, straight up.
Kids at the playground, I was like,
LaMara, dude, you have to go down the slide. Was it twisty or straight up? right playground. I was like Lamar Do you have to get a lot of slide twisty or straight up twisty little twisty?
You were gonna fly through that thing
Long down to use that video down the hill. That was the last time you fucked with the twisty slide though
Dude, they're fucking think last time I got kind of rugged might have been you and me the water park in South Carolina
I forgot about that. That was a tough one for me. Yeah
Just sank that tube of me, you know at the top
Yes in Jim shorts, my dick was out the entire fucking time those southern dads wanted to beat my fucking
They wanted to throw us in the river dude, they were
Fucking weird ass kid those falling us around yes, dude
Showed us like telling us what it was like
I think he showed us either a cut he had or we're like telling us no he's telling us about a
His size relative died yeah, so we're in a lazy river in this like 12 year old boy
Just attached himself to our party and was just kind of like yeah, my aunt just died and we're just like fuck man
Out of the late I'm trying to chill no towels. They had like tiny hotel like dish towels
Yeah, I hit my penis was fully out
Dad wait for his kid to come down. I already got an off
They put me down.
So when I sat on the raft, the raft, you know how at the top there's that pool where you're
supposed to be able to just slide in.
Tube went straight to the, I was literally just sitting on the ground.
This fucking teenage lifeguard had to like shove, he was like, okay, Mr. Ian Booker,
I'm so big.
Before the water slide, he had to fucking.
He had to give me a full shove.
As soon as it literally, first turn, raft flips,
I fall off.
That was wonderful.
Yeah, I like, dude, I slid down.
I said, Matt, you gotta give me a towel.
My penis is out.
I remember, yeah.
My penis is out.
I mean, there were, for real, angry dads,
like, walking around like, fuck.
Yeah, that was a good trip.
We pass blocked on the beach.
Pass blocked on the beach, skin boarded. Fought that one comedian, that was a good trip. We so much pass blocked on the beach On the beach skim boarded fought that one comedian that guy. Yeah
Just we're just fucking with him talking shit to him. I think his defense. I'd be serious if the fucking
Featured broad guy to do big heads came to the house
He's getting fucking roasted. He's getting roasted.
Whenever I would say stuff to him, he'd be like, dude, stop, stop.
I couldn't help it.
I remember his name, do you?
Yes.
He had a den.
Yeah, I remember his show and everything.
He was the one. He told us, dude, do not podcast.
He's a waste of time.
Also, if he didn't have a girlfriend, he'd be getting so much pussy with us.
Oh, dude. Oh, dude.
Did we ever talk about that? Did we even hear?
Probably years ago.
Oh my God, dude.
When we came out after it was a,
whatever that place was, it was like a line dance place.
It was in Alabama.
It was in Alabama or Destin?
This was Destin, Florida.
That was Destin, Florida, all right.
I remember the after party well.
The after party was sick.
We were in that glass cube.
Yep, there was a back room that was just like for fucking
It's like a nightclub that they let them use for stand-up or like music acts then next to it was line dancing
It was like all the different kinds of things you could do in like one nightclub
But then in the middle of it if you were performing you got to sit in this like plexiglass like window room
It was weird
It was like this little guess I'm colleagues there and they dropped off a tray of
lunch meat and like some fruit. So then after the show,
which by the way, the dude was just taking Shane's
material because we had gone to cities now. So we had
done multiple cities. I would bomb as host Shane would
do well middle. And then this guy, he was a music act,
would just take his fucking stuff and then sing it.
So then afterwards, where the show's over,
we're sitting in this plexiglass green room kind of thing.
It's out of these big windows.
This dude's just crushing lunch meat.
He's like, dude, if I didn't have a girl,
I'd be getting so much pussy after this.
Yeah, you guys should be out getting pussy.
We're like, all right, man.
It's like, yeah, right, dude.
Also, can you imagine how bad those shows were?
At the time, I think we knew they sucked. Think how bad they must have actually been. Oh, it's crazy. Yeah true
Holy fuck you go to stuff like that. Now you go. Whoa
Yeah, I remember one point somewhere down south doing a set up front silence and I remember hearing an industrial fan go
Yeah, that was a good trip to remember we got a cop goddess. Yeah, you boys and fucking no
I didn't have any I forgot to pack underwear. I had no underwear for ten days. It was crazy
I kept every time we'd pass a Walmart. He's like you want to pull over
I'm like we'll just do the next one. I'll get it and by that I was just like fuck it, dude
Yeah, I wouldn't know undies for like ten days performed. It was probably I probably had a teen is offending the audience
Played a teen isest offending the audience. Probably had a tiniest poking offending the audience,
bombing.
We must've been terrible.
Holy shit.
Those were the days, dude.
Yeah, that was very fun.
That trip was very fun.
That cop, I just laughed in the cop's face.
Ah.
He was like, do you know why I pulled you,
you know why I'm stopping you guys?
It was like a whatever
Arrested we were smoking weed out of this gigantic
Yeah, you had your piece. I had a massive would you tell the guy I forget you like it's that's just
No, it's like we blew it out of there's just there might be resin there I thought we're gonna hit with like a possession charge down south. I was like, we blew it out. I was like, there might be resin there. I thought we were gonna get hit
with like a possession charge down south.
I was like, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, it was a South Carolina guy.
He was such a fucking heart.
It was because we tried to cross the street.
We jaywalked.
Yeah, we didn't even jaywalk.
There was a red light
and you fucking sprinted across the red light.
And then I ran and went across and the guy came
and I was like, oh no.
He came up fast though.
Them red dog police coming after us
Yeah, and he was such a far. He was like a young hard-ass dickhead couldn't stop laughing at the guy
Yeah, the coolest there's two older guys came up like what you guys get some jaywalkers nice, man
Other cops showed up made fun of yeah, that is it that's also disorienting when you start to see cops younger than you
And you're like what the fuck yeah, it's always throwing me off that and professional athletes
I'm like he's 27. I'm like oh god
You're not gonna believe how young they are
Now they're like 19. I know
Sweet teens tall teens drew
Going hard as hell. Yeah, dude. I'm totally I'm totally joked up right now. It was just been like I I've been as tired as
Literally having a kid I've been that tired like you're just completely out of your mind
But usually you have like the kid where you're like, oh, this is so cool
I was telling pretty got pissed at me when I told her this I was like cuz she was like you must be tired
I was explaining the story. I was like, yeah, dude. It's like having a kid, but there's no kid
It's just you in bed being like I have to crap help me
God forbid if she wakes if she wakes up and I go, uh
She'll just get upset and cry and I'm like dude. Don't go fucking shoot us all don't cry
Whole family don't cry, please. It could be time dude. You could have to sell them our family to Valhalla Yeah, true. This would be the time dude. This would be
This would be the absolute time
Wolverine dude, isn't be the absolute time. Wolverine, dude.
Isn't that his name? The rabbit Wolverine?
Is that Benoit?
Benoit, the rabbit Wolverine.
Dude, you do get so tired that like you start thinking about it.
Well, you just get so tired that you can't move.
I'll lay there and I'm like, oh, like one kid just wakes up
and then you put that kid down.
You are. And I'm a dickhead too
Cuz like I don't have my sleep enforcer now. It's Brittany's in bed. Dude. I'm playing piano. It's like 11
I have headphones into a keyboard
Look down I'm like fuck I didn't clean the kitchen yet. Wait did you get to blaze any nugs?
We're hitting the not even blazing dogs. I'm there just fucking you got at least blaze some res
I could I mean I can blaze a little reds. I can literally
My bedtime patrollers down she bedtime patrols me always like dude, I'm an adult I'll go to bed what I want
It's you with bedtime. She'll be like, come on. You should go to bed. You're gonna be tired. I'm like, I'm fine. Relax
You are a cra- you're grumpy dog when you're fucking
I'm off the caffeine too
When you fuck I'm off the caffeine too
And when I do when I'm tired and I'm speeding on caffeine it's like I'm the meanest guy
Ever she had someone in I someone came in I figured who it was
To help her with some one of like some medical thing and like dude I I like was there it wasn't it was one of her friends
I think and I guys just all spun out on coffee and the kids were there and I'm like
She's like will you stop fucking yelling? He was one of her friends I think and I got I just all spun out on coffee and the kids were there I'm like guys
She's like will you stop fucking yelling? I'm like
I'm off the call. I'm just decaf now. I'm just decaf and I sip decaf and I imagine myself giving myself the charge I
Flood the caffeine feel-good suit. I'm like, I'm not I can't do it. Yeah, I get too nasty I get mean I get so mean and dude when you're like sleep-deprived
Jacked on caffeine. There's two little kids. You're like, all right guys upstairs and they like just squeeze play-doh. You're like, all right guys
I said get up so fucking mad that does fuck you up though
Like when when a parent spazzes on the kids in front of you? Oh, yeah
That's you don't know what they're going through
They don't you know what I mean? I watched. You don't understand how bad the morning was
trying to get them to get dressed and all that shit.
But then they show up to your house
and the parents are like, put that the fuck down.
Holy shit.
It takes effort.
Because then it's like, you can hit a level where they freeze
if you're like, shit, I'm fucked up.
But I have learned, and also piss me off,
Brittany said this, I already learned it myself.
I didn't hear her tell me this.
But if you whisper, it gets their attention almost as much as yelling because when they are very intrigued by secrets
So you go I have a secret to tell you I mean it could really work against them
But if you go like no, hey if I'm like hey don't like turn around if I go they'll be like, what's up?
I'm like, I got a secret. Let's go upstairs get changed. You're like
Okay, they failed the test. We're in five below. We're buying arts and crafts shit
And the guy you know god bless him he seemed like a nice guy, but he was like
Peto profile yeah tall skinny stringy hair, and I'm kind of like I'm like all right, bro. What the fuck you know hey
Did you throw fucking me you think God dogs you do it yeah be a profile imagine
All you'd be fucked that's what I'm saying give guardini like you'd buy vintage
Yeah, five inches of five inch Dini, but like no meals
Five inches on Dini no meals jet black
inches on Dini no meals jet black
And he was a nice guy the guy was nice and actually I felt all well I felt bad true true Too nice, but I felt bags the guy he's to me rung is such a pedo that like so we go to five below
He's talking to the kids. Oh, yeah, and then he goes you want to stay here and color with me and Maya goes
Yeah, and I went in front of the guy on Maya. You failed the test. Let's go
I went in front of the guy on Maya you failed the test let's go
Just like my bad, bro. You gotta look like where were you arts and crafts five below five below yeah Michael's was fucking close. He's not grand opening. He's not fucking Friday's really a five below this guy
Just worked at five below
Stand in front fucking pedophile by
Trying to be nice to a kid. I was like yeah, you got felt you failed the test come on. I'll go with that guy
I was like I'm sorry, man. You know you do look like a pedophile, but
Yeah, dude he was like he was tough damn. I can't believe Michaels is closed
It's a grand opening DC sniper shoot somebody at Michaels and then people were afraid of Michaels. I think DC snipe
I know he was a gas station man, but I think he I think that guy dude that guy kind of ripped
I think he pops over in the head of the fucking Michael
No, it sucks. Just some big fat aunt in costume drill. We got her head blown off
Michael's look nice
Come on give me a mic he was laying in his trunk. I mean he got somebody out of Michael's Nice. Shoop.
Come on, give me a Michaels. He was laying in his trunk.
I mean.
He got somebody out of Michaels?
Yes, at 5.20 p.m. on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2002,
a shot was fired through a window
of a Michaels craft store in Aspen Hill, Maryland.
Whoa, he got her in the Michaels.
It narrowly missed the cashier.
And no one was injured.
It narrowly missed the pedophile cashier
No, it was ladies and Chapman the bullet whizzed by and Chapman's beautiful fucking perm
Yes, you damn that guy sat in his trunk and tried to shoot a lady in Michael
I got eyes on the target. That's too much
That's crazy that sucks he missed and then had to fucking scramble out of the back of his truck fuck fuck
Imagine being at the register at Michael's you're fucking just scanning fucking bullshit
That's
crazy. Yeah, that one security
guard's like, Jesus, you
**** right. **** Start shooting
out in the parking lot and it
hits people. Yeah, that was a
crazy. How'd they catch that
guy? You think you can do that
forever? I forget. I watched
the thing on it. It's pretty
good. Oh, getting the DC
sniper. They're they're was like they they're everyone's like this is obviously a white dude. Oh, yeah, I remember that no one thought it was a black Muslim in his trunk, dude
I mean, that's literally the last place you'd look
You can see a black Muslim guy getting out of his trunk with a gun you like
Yeah, that's something they do
Must be one of those black Israelite guys let him go
Haven't the boy, right?
Didn't he?
Was that his son?
I don't even think that was his son.
I think it was his nephew.
What?
Yeah, he had a little fucking.
Although yeah, it's kind of sus.
He was like, and then I'm gonna get that bitch at Michael's
who was giving me all that fucking attitude.
On my glitter.
I was trying to buy glitter in that bitch
Ruined it. I'm gonna cut a hole in the back of my trunk and lay
But need a boy with me though. Oh
man Hot some of these are so bad did 8 37 a.m. A lady
Just got off a bus and was sitting down on a bench reading a book. Oh
Got her, she got a shot.
God damn, she had the fucking...
Damn, this lady...
She had a James Patterson going.
She didn't even find out what happened at the end of the fucking...
Vig...
Vig...
She was reading the fucking page-turner, bro.
It was really sad.
9.58 a.m.
That's what also was bothering me, is the time of day.
The time of day is crazy.
It fucking popped up.
Four o'clock.
You just woke up, you get a shot. Also, 10 a.m. is the sweetest time time of day. The time of day is crazy. Fuckin' poppin'. Four o'clock. You just woke up, you get to shoot the shot.
Also 10 a.m. is the sweetest time of the day.
This person was vacuuming their Plymouth Grand Voyager
at the Shell station.
Fuck, dude, this guy shows no mercy.
At 9.58 a.m. vacuuming, gettin' shot.
I mean, what a fuckin' crazy, there's no pattern.
He's just really scoping targets.
Shot a 72-year-old carpenter while he was walking what?
What was the guys buddy get what was the body count?
17 17 people and was sentenced to a lethal injection. Yeah, it's time to go
What the boy yeah, how was the boy?
Damn Yeah, how was the boy? All right now he was 17 when it happened. Damn, they should have sent him to a firing squad in five below.
Put him in five below.
He's missed. Yeah, just light his ass the fuck up.
Damn, this guy, he was in the military.
Yeah, I think he wrote a decent thing to get a manifesto manifesto? Yeah I think his manifesto is decent. They do
every once in a while they put together a fire manifesto. Kaczynski? I remember like I
grew somewhat of an affinity of that guy. I think I think it could be wrong but I
think I read the DC Snipers manifesto and was like fair enough you shouldn't have
done all that but you should have started you could have just started a
sub stack bro you'd never go shooting everybody. Did you know the guy, Spud was telling me, the dude who lit himself, the last guy who lit himself on fire recently had like a sub stack.
Really? Yeah, and he was like, Spud said he was kind of like, he was like a liberal guy, he was like a COVID like massacre type of guy, but he was like starting to figure out out the government was like, lying to all of us and had this substack,
like, you know where the money doesn't go?
They're scamming us.
And he's like, lit himself on fire.
Spud said it's a substack on rocks.
So I was like, that's good.
Yeah, I mean, that's a tortured artist.
Yeah, true.
Truly a tortured artist.
That first guy, the guy that did it in front of the embassy
just did not die, dude.
I know.
Did you watch it?
No, I saw a little bit of the extinguishing. It was the bug die, dude. I know. You saw it? Did you watch it? No, I saw a little bit of the extinguishing.
It was the bug light, dude.
He was just, dude, it was, they showed it on Legion of Skanks.
It actually pissed me off.
Yeah.
It's like, you just sit down,
they show you a guy burned to death, which is the worst.
But this guy, dude, he went for a while.
He was burning and he was still yelling.
He was like, free Palestine.
Then he's like, just kinda walking around.
Whoa.
Fully engulfed, just free Palestine.
He's still yelling it.
Damn.
Like you'd hope it would go fast.
Did he switch from Palestine yelling into like ouch?
I don't think he even switched to ouch.
That's crazy.
What a fucking beast, man.
There was a cop that runs over like with his gun drawn,
like fuck
Yeah, the cow I didn't realize the college campuses were in such disarray right now at UT yeah, dude
Greg Abbott shut it down call it UT Greg Abbott was not having it. Yeah, I think a hundred kids got arrested
Yeah, they're fucking clashing
They're warping the battle. They're crashing cranes.
Yeah, there was a crash, crazy.
They're doing the Palestine-Israel protest.
It was a fusion frenzy.
Greg Abbott shut it down.
Then there was like, Columbia had another one
where they like occupied the building
and that was like the building that got occupied.
I saw an interview there, they occupied it
and then were like, the university needs to give us food.
That's kind of funny.
And they're like, what?
No.
No, and they're like, why not?
We demand food.
You guys are blocking the fucking,
you guys are blocking the things.
It's like, it's like Moses from that South Park episode,
it's like, I desire, you ever see that one?
No. Anyway, the voice you did remind me that I desire macaroni necklaces.
Fuck I'm fucking that up whatever. That is really funny though. Where are we at on this?
We could switch over I got a whiz. Good because I'm about to go off on the motherfucking student protest.
I'm sick of these fucking students dude. Yeah it's just it is funny because then it brings up.
Everyone hates students.
Oh, they're the worst.
But the universities have to take
an official position against it.
Because if the students are calling Palestinians,
that's kind of fucked up.
If the students what?
Students are calling Palestinians,
like we're Palestinians.
And then you start fucking them up,
and then they're like, what the fuck?
That makes the student, the governing school body
becomes like the IDF by proxy.
They're like, dude, we don't wanna be the IDF in this.
Let us just go to class.
Can we just be Columbia?
Yeah, we should be Columbia.
Do we have to be Israel?
Yeah, and they're like, dude, we don't wanna do this.
And then they force their hand and they're like,
all right, fuck it.
Reminds you of something.
True.
True.
You forced our hand.
Yeah, true.
It's very, it's just wicked, man.
It's very nice.
And all the kids are getting,
the kids are getting, it's wicked, wicked warts.
It's a wicked wart, wicked wart, wart.
Now the kids are getting like expelled from school.
The kids are getting expelled from,
I mean, I'm literally just parroting breaking points again
But yeah, they had an argument so I heard crystal ball had an argument about so I was like this is a ball This is a water name crystal ball. It's crystal ball. Yeah
It's not funny. It's just a has to be an Indian guy that sits around a crystal ball. Her name is crystal ball
Yeah
Crystal ball Yeah, there's just a guy that tells you the future and looks at it. Her last name's fucking Ball. It's Crystal Ball, dude.
No way. Her last name's Ball.
Yes, it is, dude. I swear to God.
It can't be Crystal Ball.
It has to be.
Her name's Crystal. There's no way it's Crystal Ball.
It's Crystal Ball, dude. She's the ultimate live, dude.
She's gonna fuck you up.
Hold on a second.
It is Ball, dude. Her name's Crystal Ball.
Yeah, it's Crystal Ball.
In Sanger. In Sra is I never realized it isn't any guy city for crystal ball
Yeah, they had a heated argument cuz he was like it's stupid these kids are throwing their fucking light like their college education way
Over this like it has nothing to do with him and crystal was like fuck basically now, you know paraphrasing
She was like shut the fuck up, bro. These kids rule shit with fucking future. She bait
Crystal fucking ball
Wait, did she get married?
Yeah, she married into the ball
I think she kept the name because the husband is a like a raging lib
She married a raging lib and they don't think his last name's ball if her parents named a crystal ball there
It's crazy. Yes. she married a Polak named Kyle Klinsky.
He's like a YouTuber.
What's her middle name, dude? She can't.
All right. If she had a ball.
Crystal me ball.
She's pretty lady, dude.
Yeah, I listen to them. I like them.
I like them. I listen to I parrot whatever they say on every podcast.
Everyone's all play MLB the show and listen to them.
And just walk around and act like I know what's going on.
It's my new station, bro.
And I just go, you know what happened?
Fucking right there having those student protests.
And it's the building was the same building as 1968.
So with the Vietnam protest.
Yeah. What's that?
Something tune out?
Drop it or tune in, tune out, drop drop out tune in and turn off or something?
Yeah, Timothy Leary
Fuck that guy. He gets a bad rap
He actually I do kind of fucking rules dude if you watch interviews with him
He gets a very every book you read on psychedelics like a news became illegal because of Timothy Leary will that's like
He fucking ruled. He was right. He did. He I don't know anything about I thought I was hating on him, too, huh?
He was but he went why he went a little wild he went very wild, but he was sitting out with students a lot
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you just give you a little job, huh? I mean he's looking back at it
Drugging fucking college chicks. He was drugging himself, but and himself. I think you I think it was more staff. I don't know but he was a psychology professor
I'm sure some students got in on it, but dude
He was he wasn't that bad. I know I watched me and he went to jail. They arrested him
He went to jail and his interview from prison. You're like damn this guy just rules too fucking hard
I didn't I go look into his old he became
He went so whacked out on acid that he became like super conservative
And he was like dude. This is bullshit beast. Yeah, he became super conservative
He said we should encourage our kids to have kids like 18 or 19 so that they get like we get the best genetics
Then we help our kids raise their kids while we're still able and then he said you should never take a bath
It's disgusting. You're just laying in your own filthy water. You should eat a bunch of meat. Yeah, dude fucking rule
Hold on a second. That's what I'm saying. They come by completely came around entirely on the baths and meats department
Yeah, I'll have to find this one interview he did in jail was a fine
They just arrested him out of nowhere one time and he was like they've totally planted weed on me
It's bullshit and he was yeah, you want to jump for a while. We they found the res
They found the res.
They found the res on dude.
That guy's great grandfather fucking arrested Timothy.
Larry, how dank were the dogs?
He's a judge that always made me laugh.
All right, let's switch over to the Petron.