Monday Morning Podcast - Monday Morning Podcast 4-9-24
Episode Date: April 9, 2024Bill rambles about Yellow Springs, the eclipse, and corporate lingo. Zip Recruiter: Try for free www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR ...
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Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, April 7th, 2024, five, six shows. Way out in Yellow Springs, Ohio.
Dave Chappelle has a new comedy club out there called the Firehouse.
Could not have had a better time.
It was like the old days.
One Thursday, two Friday, two say.
One on Sunday.
I'm fucking old, man.
I'll tell you that.
I'm too old for two shows.
I am just like, I am fucking one show Billy.
I will say on Saturday night, like no Friday night, the second show.
I just felt like I was struggling and I was going like, God damn, when is that light gonna turn on?
Finally I saw the light and I thought I was supposed to do an hour each show.
I thought I only did a little over an hour.
I did an hour and 42 minutes, I don't know what happened.
I felt like I was only up there for a little over an hour and
I thought I didn't do my time or something.
And it was the exact opposite.
It was just flying by up there
because it was such a perfect comedy club.
He's kind of doing, I think like a soft opening right now,
trying some people out, just seeing how to flip shows
and everybody there to learn, you know,
turnover shows, I should say.
First show, get everybody in, get them all out and
then bring the next show in in a reasonable amount of time and everything.
And yeah, it was fun.
It was so much fun and after every set Dave would come up and
we would hang out up there at the same time just riffing and stuff.
He was, I'll tell you whenever a comedian designs a comedy club,
it's always like, it's always next level.
And they always kind of give you the option of whether you want to deal with
the crowd or not. Ever since the first time I ever saw that was, uh,
there was a short lived comedy club in New York City called Comics.
And it was down in the Meatpacking District during that whole era of sort
of the tail end of the Paris Hilton, all the club kids down there.
I think even that was over by then because it was somewhere 05 06 around then and
uh Jesus Christ I can't believe how long ago that was remember the first article on Paris and Nikki
remember Nikki that was her sister who's smartened up and was like I'm not gonna be a club kid for my
whole life but then Paris turned it into a brand I I really have to stop watching these Real Housewives shows with my wife,
because the shit I'm talking about now is slightly disturbing.
Anyway, they had this club down there, and you literally entered onto the stage
from like right behind the stage.
So if you had a good set and you wanted to meet some of the crowd,
when you got off stage, you'd walk back through the same door, you make a right and
go down this hallway and then you'd be in the showroom.
Or if you didn't have a good set, you're like those people fucking hated me,
you could just make a left and go right into the dressing room.
If you just didn't wanna talk to anybody, didn't wanna deal with anybody,
it was really cool so but Dave's Club is like it's it's really amazing
so if you get a chance if you're in Yellow Springs come on down check out
the firehouse man so we were out there for me and Club Soda we were out there
how many days well we got out there Thursday, Thursday, five fucking days.
And it always haps me, I go back to a small town, I'm like, this is fucking great.
I love it out here, totally relaxing, the people are nice and all of that.
But I just know myself well enough that if I just lived out here, lived out here, I would go,
uh, I don't know if I would go insane.
I definitely would have to adjust to it, but what would kill me if I just wouldn't, I wouldn't have any friends.
You know, when the hell, like I barely see most of my friends now because everybody I started with is headlining.
So we never work together.
So but the thing I have is that I live in Los Angeles so I see a lot of them when I
go down to the comedy store so I can at least run into them and shit.
And yeah, if you fucking live all the way out there, man,
I don't know what the fuck would I do? Fucking join a bowling league or something?
But I will tell you though, I do, it's not even a small town.
I mean, it's kind of like the town I grew up in.
It's just like, you know, not as much traffic as the town I grew up in.
But like that is the one thing that I'm so fucking envious of when I come out here is
Is the driveways and the garages and the abilities to have a couple of cars there?
We're LA like the fucking driveways man. It's just I
Mean, they're just like non-existent and so many of them, you know, they're built for like, you know, it's a lot of old houses
So a lot of them like they're built like they, you know, it's a lot of old houses.
So a lot of them like they're built like they're wide enough for like a fucking model T. It's
really weird.
Unless somebody flipped the house and redid it and expanded it a little bit.
Gee, Bill, are you talking about driveways?
Is this the next old man shit you're going to talk about?
Well, what do you want from me?
I am old
But I am also getting geared up a baseball season is started the Red Sox, you know
They're doing all right. I don't know what they're doing You know, we were kind of okay last year and then we made some moves nothing really exciting during the offseason
So I don't know where we're at Theo Ep Epstein's back, but sort of more of a limited role.
The curse breaker himself.
So and then I heard we have a bunch of we have a lot of really good talent.
And in our farm system, so that's exciting.
Brought up that was a casas.
Is that his name?
The first baseman last year.
Finally had some nine foot guy playing first base that was hitting the ball
out of the park forever.
We've been trying that dude.
If he ever gets a hold of one, you know, when the guy never gets a hold of one.
Um, and then we finally got somebody.
So, uh, but Travis story just got hurt again, separated shoulder.
Poor guy, man. He's just fucking snake bit with the injury.
So I don't know, we'll see.
I do love baseball and hockey, the NHL playoffs.
I'm saying all this shit like I'm actually gonna have time to watch it.
And the Celtics, so Celtics are having an incredible regular season, but
it's just a regular season.
So I don't know what to think.
I will say the two games that bothered me this year was the fucking when the Lakers
showed up without their two big stars and we still lost the game at home.
And just the other night I watched them against the Charlotte Bobcats.
And I just feel like we don't have that killer instinct.
We're coming out flat.
We should just fucking stomp them and our starters should be sitting on the bench
by the end of the third quarter for the rest of the game resting up.
And we just kind of come out like lack of days ago.
And then we just next thing you know, we're in a game with the fucking Charlotte
Bobcats. Um, so I don't know.
I don't put much value on the regular season. I don't. I don't put much value on the primaries.
Is that election thing really gonna happen?
You know, I just think for the good of the country, we should not have Biden and Trump debate each other.
We don't, I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that.
I don't want to fucking just see the debacle that those are our two fucking those are the
only guys.
These are the two best guys.
How is this fucking possible?
I will say, you know, watching Trump at his rallies, when
they cut to the crowd, it reminds me of doing like live radio in the morning when when I
would come to town. And some of you like, you know, meet him at this restaurant that
they're doing the show live from there, you know, because the restaurant paid some advertising
fee. And it would be like a fucking Wednesday morning.
And I get over there. It like, you know,
eight 30 AM to go on the radio and like any sort of functioning human being has a
fucking job eight 30 on Wednesday. They can't be there.
So the fucking animals that would just show up,
the weirdos, the sweaty pond people, people still living with their parents, just people
who just were not going to figure life out would show up and you would look around and
you would think like, Jesus Christ, is this my fucking audience?
And it's like, no, these are the people that have the time to go to this shit.
So when Trump speaks, when they cut to the crowd, Jesus Christ, the fucking.
I mean, that's just, it was one of the saddest things I've seen.
You just see a bunch of broke ass people who, you know, the public school system
failed them, you know, they're not getting the good books.
You can just see it like this.
Just just.
It's a level of dumb out there that is fucking astounding.
And it is dumb as opposed to all the way on the left where there's like this sense of
you think you're really fucking smart while dismissing like 90% of the states in this
country.
Yeah, you get like you're actually educated, you're actually smart, but you're so smart
you become stupid because you think you're the only people who think like you are smart,
just like the dummies that go to the Trump thing So I'm kind of just watching all of this
As little as possible, but every once in a while
I'll catch a clip. I mean, this is a comedian. I mean this Trump is so fucking compelling the shit that he says and
People don't even pick up on it. Like he said the other day he goes
He goes I'm not on trial they're putting you on trial. Like he said the other day, he goes, uh, he goes, I'm not on trial.
They're putting you on trial. I'm just in the way and I'll always be in the way for you.
I'm on trial, dude. I didn't, you know, I'm not being accused of anything.
You are on trial. It's a classic narcissism thing. Here's something. All right, let's get it out of politics
Narcissist one of my favorite fucking things is when they are dead to fucking rights and they actually have to apologize
They still use the pronoun
you and
We but they never say I they never say I'm sorry. I
Saw somebody one time was saying well, you know when you mess up and people, you know
Find out about it. You you have to apologize and I'm watching going. I don't have to fucking apologize. I didn't do anything you did
Like what are we doing here? And then Trump did like the we you know, it's not me
It's you but I'll fall on the knife for you
Because I am your savior
They cut to the crowd and there's people like crying
Like they're watching that joel. I always thought it was olstein joel austin watching some fucking preacher
He's just telling him it's gonna be okay
It's gonna be okay say the goddamn fucking words
Yeah, it's fucking depressing and hilarious all at the same time so I want you guys to know that
You know when it's Monday you have to do your podcast and you have to get it done because you have a responsibility and
If you're late with the podcast you need to do your podcast and you have to get it done because you have a responsibility and If you're late with the podcast you need to apologize
This is me apologizing for the podcast being a little late today, it's gonna be in a couple of parts
Because I am going to be watching a
Total eclipse just a total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time I was, what song was that?
Doing this, now I'm fucking doing that.
There's nothing I can do, just a total eclipse of the heart.
Oh, terrible lyrics.
Total eclipse of the heart.
That sounds like a hook. I think we could turn this into a hit. Yeah, so there's going to be a total eclipse of the heart that sounds like a hook i think we could turn this into a hit yeah
so there's going to be a total eclipse so here's my aviation question somebody last night at the club
asked me said you know all right so where we're at it's going to be the sun is going to be a hundred
percent blocked by the moon and there's going be like two minutes and eight seconds or
something like that of complete darkness and she said to me if you were if you're
up in a plane will you still be able to see it and I was like well yeah I mean
if you even if you're up in a, the moon and the sun are still beyond the
earth's atmosphere, so you're not higher than them.
Or at a different angle, I mean, I don't know the angle of it,
depending on how fast the plane went.
This is my aviation question, is if you're flying along the path of where
there's gonna be complete darkness for two minutes, this is what's going to be, you know, complete darkness for two minutes.
This is what's wild to me.
You can actually log two minutes of night flight.
Can you, but the sun is still out.
So maybe you can't, but my thing is like, it's going to go from daytime to nighttime.
So the city lights won't be on and the moon is not out so you know of the
light of the moon the moon is blocking the Sun so it'll be pitch fucking black
for two minutes two to three minutes then you'd have to switch to your six
pack of instruments and from every fucking YouTube video that I've watched
that when you get into this shit you go from VFR to IFR,
you immediately have to transition to your instruments. If you don't,
you basically, you know,
unless you're way the fuck up there,
you have 90 seconds to live and there's two minutes at least of darkness.
So some people said three,
some people have said two minutes and change or whatever.
There's like enough time to like die.
This is probably a dumb question and people in aviation are rolling their eyes
listening to this, but I'm gonna ask my instructor, all right?
I'm gonna be like, well, so what happens?
I guess you could, no, you couldn't.
I'm trying to look, what could you use if everything went pitch black and
no one really had any lights on?
But I figure smart people have taken this into consideration.
Radio towers will always be blinking.
But still, what would you use for your horizon? You'd be fucked. That's all scary shit. You
know what's fucked up is when you start flying, you go on YouTube and eventually you just
start watching all of these videos to learn and it's all mostly people dying like shit that they did and how
did how they ended up fucking dying and it's always like it's always like three
or four fucking things all coming together and then that's it you know I
saw one the other day that I just couldn't even watch I fast-forwarded to
the end this fucking idiot took a bunch of people up in a Cessna and they
literally videoing them going you're not not going to do anything stupid, right?
He goes, I would never do, I would never do anything dumb like that.
This I, I don't have the whole story,
but what it looked like he did was on purpose.
He killed the engine to show them that he could do an emergency landing into a
field landing into a field. So of course you're landing in a field, you don't know what's there, a little tree stump, anything.
And that's going to send that fucking thing cartwheeling across the field.
You could kill yourself.
That's the thing that scares me about planes is when you land, you still got to
be going even the smallest thing.
You still got to be going like 50 fucking knots and you're on wheels and uneven ground
in one little fucking pothole something and you're just cartwheeling in basically a 1930s
automobile with a steering wheel is going to go right into your fucking chest.
There's no crumple zones on a plane. Everything's about, you know, this thing being able to
fly. It's not designed. What if I hit something? So this fucking idiot, um, because I cut to
the part where like the prop isn't moving anymore and he's going no, it's fine
Watch watch watch and they're all going like, you know, like mike mike what the fuck no, I'll show
you watch this watch this and he was just showing off it wasn't enough of an ego boost that all of
those people put their lives in his fucking hands this fucking moron still, still for some stupid reason had to fucking show that,
you know, I know how to land a plane without power and he did.
He landed it.
I don't know what happened, but they were interviewing him and he was laying in a
fucking hospital bed with some bandages on his fucking head and he fucked up his
plane and probably fucked up all those relationships with those
friends what a thing to do what a thing to do and you know what something like that does
it makes everybody's insurance go up anyway all right i'm going to read the advertising and
well i'm going to actually drop in some audio here, uh,
post eclipse that I recorded, but, uh,
why am I saying this? I should have just fucking dropped it in. I don't know,
cause I'm doing this in fucking real time. Hey, what's going on?
I am back just like that. Just like that.
I am back. Um, since I I last since the last edit. I have seen a complete
solar eclipse for two minutes. I sat in not total darkness but it was it went
from like two in the afternoon to like 730. It was incredible and it was just
me and like 40 people in a field in Ohio.
I still got pollen in my frigging throat.
So, um, anyway, uh,
I thought it was going to get like pitch black and I saw a few guys flying around and I'm like, I wonder what the hell they're going to see. Like,
will they be able to see it? You know? But, um, it was, uh,
it was definitely worth sticking around. I changed my flight.
I was going to fly out. It was like, well, I was out here in 2017.
I saw a partial eclipse, but I'm so glad that I did it.
Everyone in my family got to see it and everything. So, um,
it was good shit. And I ran into Bert Bert Kreischer, which was cool.
Got to see him.
Haven't seen him in a minute.
He's playing Dave's Place tonight, as I mentioned.
We all just hung out, ate burgers and waited for the moon to block the sun.
You know, it was a part of me, I was actually a little bit nervous that I wasn't going to,
like I'd be like, yeah, you know,
whatever that would, it lived up to it. Like there's a few things that I've gone to embarrassingly that I've gone to.
And like,
it's like, I don't get what the big fucking deal is here.
And they're really like,
it's everything from the Louvre in Paris to the Grand Canyon.
Like it's everything from the Louvre in Paris to the Grand Canyon. And I've really tried for a long time with many different people to go to museums and
act like I'm smart enough to understand what's going on.
And I just, I'm starting to get an appreciation for some of the, what is that miserable shit, you know, it's just a guy looking out a window.
Modernist stuff.
Is that what that is?
I like that stuff, but I like the newer versions of it where people are looking
like they have on a better time.
But anyway, yeah, I've seen a lot of stuff like that and I got, I was more
into like when I first got on the road
Seeing going to new cities and seeing the sports stadiums. They're all fucking gone now
But I'll tell when I first came to st. Louis and I went to a st. Louis Cardinals game and the arch was peeking up over
the top of
the multi-purpose stadium
the top of the multi-purpose stadium where the St. Louis Cardinals football team, originally the Chicago Cardinals, used to play when I was a kid. And I couldn't fucking believe I was there.
I think by the time I got there, no, I was there in the 90s, no, I think by the time I got there,
they had already put the natural grass in and they had the big mac sign in and
Mark maguire
One of the most electrifying players that ever played was playing
For the cardinals and they had the big mac section and if he hit it a home run up into that section everybody
Would get a big mac like I was like into shit like that
like I thought that was really cool so you know you take me to the MoMA in in
oh my god I was climbing the walls I couldn't fucking wait to get out of
there I just could not fucking wait to get out of there but Nia has gradually
got me to kind of just sort of like look at some shit.
I do like that you can go in there and be like you know what I don't like that
and people seem to be pretty cool with it like yeah all right yeah.
It's funny you can go to a museum and there's some guy that was good enough to get his shit in there
and you can just stand there and be like yeah I don't like it and people actually respect that opinion you know
but if you say something like
You know I don't like those Marvel movies like all of these fucking comic-con people
They flip out
Just goes to show you the smarter people in museums, then there are at comic-con right
to show you, there's smarter people in museums than there are at Comic-Con. Right?
Because if you're truly smart, you understand that other people have different opinions,
right?
Where the fuck am I going with this?
Just told you I wasn't dumb and I was too dumb to be in a museum.
Now here I am fucking pontificating about human beings.
So I mean, I don't know what to tell you guys. I just I fucking it was like two in the afternoon and then it was like 730 for two minutes and
it got so dark you could actually see someone said it was a star.
Another person said it was a planet.
It was probably a planet.
It got dark enough where you could see that it was you know, it was funny. wasn't what everybody said it was gonna be they were like it's gonna be pitch black
You're gonna see the stars
That's what I thought was gonna happen but it doesn't it just gets like
It just gets it gets
Yeah, like 730 at night is really fucking cool.
And then just like that, it's over again. And it's funny, nobody pays attention to the back half of the eclipse.
Everybody's into the buildup and then it like happens like happy new year.
Then everybody's just sort of hugging and saying, all right, see you later.
So like the end of it.
So anyway, there's the NCAA
Men's Championship game. I got to go watch I might uh, I'll make this up to you guys. I might make it a
little bit short this week because I got to go check out this fucking game and
Hopefully it is a game
My buddy was saying produce a lot better than a lot of think. So hopefully they're in there making a game of it.
Because UConn has been fucking destroying people.
So that is it everybody.
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
I'll probably drop this in the middle so I don't need to say that again.
Yeah, so go back to whatever part of the podcast there.
I don't know how to fucking, how do I wrap this up? Cause I'm going back into the middle of the podcast.
Wherever Andrew decides I'm gonna pick it up there.
Jesus, what do we got here?
Oh, look who it is everybody.
It's old zip.
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All right, what do we got here? Oh people are gonna like we got the the questions here,
but I didn't talk about everything that I wanted to talk about Let's talk about the NCAA men's finals
Men final whatever they call it
Condolences to the NC State Wolfpack
I missed the game
DJ burns the most fun
Guy to watch this whole damn tournament
Be fun to see what he does.
I don't know, you never know with these kids, I don't watch a lot of college
sports, but I always assume they're one and done.
I don't know if he was a senior, I have no idea, but
that would be a fun guy to get in the NBA.
I don't know how tall he is, would he be a four?
I have no idea but like
Definitely has that star power. I definitely see you selling a lot of jerseys if he's on your team
But I'm gonna be watching that that final tonight purdue versus uconn
This is definitely Davey and Goliath. So I'm going to be rooting Purdue, but I also love greatness and Yukon looking to go back to back but
Jesus Yukon just beating the shit out of everybody
So we shall see I just hope it's gonna be a I hope it'll be a good game
Oh another thing I liked about Yellow Springs is
Besides the lack of traffic and all the friendly people downtown. Oh by the way if you want a
nice cup of coffee go down to Dino's. I went down there like every morning. It's
fucking great me and Club Soda Kenny just going down there just getting into
that small town vibe, you know,
and they had a little, uh, they had a little movie theater downtown,
they had playground just all like, uh,
bunch of cool, like, I don't know.
I've been living in cities for fucking too long. I can't tell you that.
So I need this shit
You know, I've been living in a city since
1995
And I was so done with New York by the time I left there in
2007 that LA felt like a suburb to me, even though it was huge
It's just different. It's not like people aren't stacked up.
They're more spread out,
which creates the whole other problem of having to drive great distances everywhere.
But like, um, with New York,
you kind of got to learn like this,
the first thing you do when you move there cause you're usually broke is you
got to learn the subway map. And once you get that that down you can kind of get your ass around the city.
LA you have to learn how to live your life in just a quadrant and the longer you live there the less friends you have that live on the other side of the 405. There's just something about the 405. There's going east to west or west to east.
It's just always just a fucking nightmare.
And it is a fucking nightmare all hours a day, except I would say between like 11
AM and 2 o'clock, and that's it, and everything else.
Like I don't even know what fucking hours people have
Anymore like what they work like this just traffic all fucking day long now
And I don't think there's that many more people in the United States anymore
it's just there's uber drivers just driving around and
I also think after the fucking pandemic right everybody was just like I don't go back to the office
And then the office people were like well cool. Don't come back to the fucking office. Well, uh, then we now we don't have to have an office
Everybody works at home
That's all fucking creepy then they're looking into your house
You just can't win with these fucking people. Anyway, let me let's get on with the questions here for
For this week the hell am I?
Come on, fucking asshole.
When will I ever get good at this shit?
All right.
OK.
That's not it.
OK.
All right.
Here we go.
All right.
Fasting and Band-Aids.
All right.
For those of you new to the podcast, I've been doing this thing where I do a three day
fast at the beginning of every month.
It sucked in January, February, and March, but this week it wasn't that this month, it
wasn't that bad.
I think I'm getting used to it.
And it's kind of a nice way to keep your weight, you know, and it's also a nice way to kind
of purge any sort of like, you know, sugar, salt, tobacco, coffee, whatever thing you're
the latest thing you're addicted to that you're substituting for something else.
So I've kind of been enjoying it.
So hopefully this person doesn't ruin it for me fasting and band-aids. Hey Billy thin-skinned fat
Thin-skinned fat, I don't know. I don't get that one
Have you spoke with a professional about your fasting regime?
My profession involves nutritional science and recovery. There are a lot of people who are actually unnecessarily
causing their body to cycle through
Metabolic stages at a very high rate in a very unnatural way
Alright, well you started with fear. Let's keep going. Let's see what we got here
Let's see alright, I'm sure you did your own research before diving in. I didn't.
I always recommend you get the proper blood work done before and after each fast for three to six months.
Another concern would be your muscles. After constantly feeding and then withholding of minerals and proteins can affect long-term muscle mass.
I hear a lot of people trying programs without the
proper monitoring. Oh that's a hundred percent me. Other than resting your tongue
which is measurable, the rest of the benefits can fall under the placebo
effect. I don't know what the placebo effect is. People who just feel better are
likely to feel that way because their numbers never level off because they're always eating.
Just looking out.
We need you out there.
Thanks for all the laughs.
Oh, and PS, did you hear about band aids?
Did not hear about band aids.
So what are you telling me?
So now you're telling me this is like a fucking bad thing?
I swear to God, can I, can I, can you fucking do anything?
Can you fucking do anything?
Can you fucking do anything? Can you fucking do anything? Can you fucking do anything?
You literally cannot fucking do anything without someone go well
Actually you want to fucking do this and that and then you know what I'll do then I'll go to some stupid fucking
Nutritionists and then someone will go well actually I heard this nutritionist say this here's the fucking thing about all of that shit
Okay, there's no fucking way anybody has any fucking idea what anything
fucking does to you anymore because no one knows what the fuck is in whatever
the fuck they're eating.
That's it, okay?
Because the food lobby is too fucking strong.
They infiltrated every watchdog group in government. The fucking
idiots on the right convinced poor ass people on the right, you don't want big government
all up in your life. And what they did was get rid of all of these watchdog fucking groups
and all of these politicians on both sides got fucking paid off. So now you can literally
say something is fucking organic. You can literally just say something's good for you.
You can do all of that fucking shit when it's a literally 180 the other
fucking way. Can I just have my fucking three-day fast without you saying like
we need you out there like I'm going to fucking die or something? It's a fucking
three-day fast. Fuck. This right here is why I've just pulled away from people. It's why I don't talk to other parents.
Especially parents with kids older than mine.
All they do is just predict horrible shit.
Oh, I love that age.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
Because it's all going to go bad.
Fuck you.
Maybe you suck at being a parent.
How about that? Maybe it isn't that bad
Maybe you're fucking soft
How the fuck do I even know this person that wrote in is even a nutritionist? How the fuck do I know?
Jesus fucking Christ
This is the wet blanket fucking age I might wonder they did that back in the day, you know
the wet blanket fucking age. I wonder if they did that back in the day. You know? You fucking strike some oil or some shit, you strike gold or whatever and you know there
was somebody, actually you know what, you're using the wrong pickaxe. You probably turned
most of the gold into dust. There would have been somebody just to come in and just ruin your fucking day I don't know I I'm working with the personal trainer he
told me that a three-day fast is fucking great it's great for you and he told me
all of these fucking benefits so I felt like I was doing a good thing it feels
good to me and now I got this fucking cunt Coming in a just looking out just looking out. You might be doing everything wrong
Ah
I've just had it. There's never an answer. There's never a fucking answer. You give me two plus two is for math
Math there's a fucking answer everything else
Sure, you want to do it that way there's always that guy last second
Last second mr. Fucking know it, you know next time you fucking right in you tell me your doctor
I want to I want to borrow nutritionist. I want a picture of the fuck. Then how do I know that picture's real?
All right. I appreciate that you're looking out for me, but you also just kind of ruined my fucking
The whole thing that I was doing here. I don't know what, whatever.
I literally, I don't know, can affect three days,
three days a month can affect my long-term mass for the rest of my fucking life.
So if I'm eating steaks and fucking lifting weights, I'm not going to put it.
My body hasn't reacted that way. But all right. All right.
OK, bullshit corporate lingo.
It's been a while since I fucking snapped on this podcast.
It's probably a good thing.
Bullshit corporate lingo.
Hey, Billy Baru.
Love you broaching the topic of horrible, meaningless, dipshit corporate lingo.
Oh yeah.
Oh, well, yeah.
When I was talking about, I was looking at these penthouse high-rise, you know, you see
these buildings in New York, you're like, what's the story with that thing?
And there's always just some fucking manicured, uh, real estate agent showing
the penthouse, you know, for $180 million.
What does this get you in New York?
And the guy kept going and over here, we have a corner moment.
He kept going corner moment.
And it was, all it was, was he was standing in the corner and you could look out,
you know, two sides of the building.
And then he'd be like, and over here we have another corner moment.
So in my business, they say all that dumb shit, you know, you know, let's, let's get
our ducks in a row.
Let's circle back.
Let's use your social media assets. Once we liberate the assets on the social media platform to get
traction and just all of that fucking horrible shit that they say. So this
person's saying that I brought up that topic. So this person says I deal with it
constantly at my soul-sucking job so much so that me and my friends have a
group chat dedicated to what we hear in these meetings.
Hope you enjoy some of the Hall of Famers.
Best to knee in and go fuck yourself.
These are great. Please bring these in.
If you work in the corporate world, just stop using these.
Level set.
Equals to get on the same page.
Let's meet to level set expectations.
What does that mean?
So that basically means they're going to fuck you over and you're too excited
that they're not going to a bio break is a bathroom break.
Keep me honest equals I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
That's the definition but team please keep me honest. I like team. Team's
another fucking annoying one. Scope creep is losing sight of the goal these new requests are causing scope creep
Why do they vote what's wrong with saying it's causing us to lose sight of the goal
Double-click go into more detail. Can we double-click on that topic?
These are fucking horrible.
These make you want to go punch somebody.
Different flavor.
A variation.
This is the same report
just with a different flavor.
Ah, well that one isn't too bad. That one doesn't
bug me.
Oh my god. Scope crea- a bio
break?
I mean, there has to be a happy medium between, I gotta take a shit in a bio break.
Alright, Empaths, Dear Bilbo Baggins, laughed out loud listening to your opening segment
on Empaths on Thursday, April 4th.
Ah, that makes my day that you got to laugh out of that.
Thank you.
Based on my experience, you nailed the description and here's a short story to make you laugh.
Oh yeah, like, you know, I'm just like an empath.
My problem is like I feel feelings too harshly, intensely.
Like someone who says that shit is usually just like a fucking narcissist.
So they're just completely toxic person.
And then they just walk around just talking about, you know, what a great, what a great person they are.
How much they care.
Care with an a h hyphen a h how much I care.
My high school girlfriend was a complete psycho and bully.
She would mentally terrorize the majority of her friends and anyone who crossed her path.
I'm telling you, you guys gotta look up the dark triad.
That psychological breakdown of basically the human being you want to avoid.
One side of the triangle is narcissism narcissism then there's
Machiavellianism and then there's just I think sociopath or psychopath and
Psychopath is usually one that throws me off because I think a psychopath is out there
You know with a bloody axe killing people but that's not necessarily there's degrees of being a psychopath.
You can be a psychopath and not kill anybody or sociopath, whatever it is.
Um, you know, it concludes anything like, like petty theft,
like just having no fucking boundaries or whatever. So, um,
it's a really interesting thing. And I, if you just have somebody,
especially like a family member,
because you're going to keep coming back for more and they just never make sense thing and I if you just have somebody especially like a family member because
you're gonna keep coming back for more and they just never make sense and
you're always end up frustrated just read that psychological breakdown the
dark triad and I got so many answers about a handful of people that were in
my life and no longer are so anyway this guy goes on to say guy goes on to say, he goes on to say that after we broke up, before we
went to college, all of her closest friends abandoned her and some of them told me they
stayed around to make sure she didn't hurt me and they were
all grateful to be done with her bullshit.
Even this girl's sisters and cousins sided with me and were happy to see me move on."
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Been there.
Three or four years later, I was dating the woman who is now my wife.
She reaches out because she's in therapy and wants to make
all this psycho chick reaches out because she's in therapy and wants to make amends on past wrongs.
Can I ask you what the fuck is with people like that? What is that whole fucking part of this
12 steps and then they got to go back and talk to you years later.
I've had a few people doing like, like, dude, I don't even remember.
I don't even remember that. It's like, it's part of their fucking narcissism. Like they're going,
like, I know our narcissism, however the fuck you say it. Um, I know that like what I did to you
is still affecting you because I'm such, I'm such a fucking, you know, an amazing presence that I'm sure you're still
carrying this shit.
I've had like fucking six people come up to me and I'm just sitting there going like,
dude, I don't remember.
I don't know what you're talking about.
No, no, it happened.
And I'm here to make amends.
And I'm just like, all right.
And I never give it to him either.
It's got you just fucking weird me out, dude. No, I need you to say it's like, dude, I don't have, all right. And I never give it to him either. You just fucking weird me out, dude.
No, I need you to say it's like, dude, I
don't have to do anything.
I don't give a fuck to even some 12-step shit.
All right, just get out of here.
You go work out your shit.
Stop dragging me into it.
Anyway, three or four years later, OK, I went to her
Instagram profile and leading off a string of puke inducing lines and nonsense, there it is,
in italic letters at the top of her profile, empath.
My wife who knew her in high school as well and
I laughed repeatedly at the word and her delusion.
And it's been an ongoing joke for our entire relationship since I shut down the invitation and continued on with my life fuck her. Thank God.
I thought when you said you went to her fucking.
Profiles going to give you shit like why are you letting this person back in your life. All right. There's a life lesson right there. This guy gets out of the relationship. And then when the psycho comes back, you don't just don't let him be. You got him out. That's it.
That's it. Take care and show some empathy while fucking yourself. The guy says I'm an empath.
Here's another thing I remember on my space. A big thing before empath was to say I have a really eclectic
musical taste. You know, it's really eclectic and the amount of people that said it
eclectic. You're like, I like everything from Taylor Swift to bossa nova. I mean,
I'm just like this open fucking channel. I'm just really, you know what it is? I'm just really interesting.
Um, so I think empath has taken that over. I'm just like an empath. Like I just feel feelings
too much. You know what it is? I hurt for everyone. Shut up. All right. How guilty should I feel?
Hey Bill, I'm in a shameful situation. I feel guilty.
I'm 24 years old and I met this 40 year old broad at a bar
and we clicked and banged a few times.
Then I found out she has a husband.
Walk away, walk away.
I ghosted her for a while, but we run in the same circle.
I'm not gonna say what you do.
And I'm not gonna say what she does so she was so seeing her was inevitable
After however many drinks and her convincing me that they're in an open relationship
walk away
walk away
We banged a few more times.
I get a really strong feeling that she's not in an open relationship.
Why?
Because when she's riding your dick, all of a sudden she goes, what was that?
And that she's straight up cheating and with me.
In my defense, however, I'm not the only dude she's cheating on her husband with.
She shows up to the bar, flashes her tits to anyone and their dog.
Dude.
Dude, you can't.
This woman has a lot of issues.
And you know, her issues are going to become your issues if you don't get away from her.
I'm in the process of backing out slowly.
My question is how guilty should I feel?
Um, I don't know.
I'd give that a three.
You know, she's going in there, she's fucking, the marriage is
fucking over.
She's going in, she's dropping it in your fucking lap
You shouldn't have gone back after you kind of figured it out
But you're also a guy and you're wired if for fucking when
You're single and pussy just falls in your lap. That's what you do. So what do you you know, so
But now, you know
The guy says she he goes I feel terrible even though she chases after me buying me drinks and food
I feel shame and don't want her husband to kill me. I want to hear your opinion on the matter
You don't need my opinion. You got it right there
You feel in shame and you don't want her husband to kill you
There you go as far as you banging her if the whole fucking bar is banging her like I
Mean, I don't mean, I don't
know, I don't wouldn't feel that guilty.
But what I would feel, what you need to do is fucking realize that you don't feel good
after you do it.
So you got to stop doing that.
And then secondly, yeah, her husband's going to fucking kill you.
So you might go in and shoot up the whole fucking place
so
Yeah, I would just
Yeah, this is a learning experience just don't do it again
That's it and you're a human being so you're gonna make mistakes. You made a mistake
You know, it makes you feel bad, you know
But sometimes you got to make a mistake a few times before you fucking figure it out.
Like drinking, like I did for fucking ever.
All right?
And you know, you take sometimes, you know, that's just how it fucking goes, but then
you know how you feel.
So stop fucking doing it.
And then that's it.
She sounds like a fucking sloppy mess.
Just tell her you met somebody.
That's it.
You know, I mean, I would say level with her, but she's a complete fucking psycho.
So, yeah, I just, you know,
I mean, she can't force you to keep doing this shit. So just don't do it And I think I think you're gonna be alright, but uh, I think it's good that you have shame
No one wants to be the person doing that shit, but you know, whatever shit happens when you're fucking hammered in a bar
What are you gonna do? I'll tell you what you do. You get a fucking walk away from walk away walk away
Walk away, walk away.
Um, anyway, so, uh, that is the podcast everybody.
Hope you enjoyed enjoy the basketball game tonight.
And also I cannot thank, uh, Dave Chappelle, the entire staff, his wife, Elaine, everybody there for, you know, just treating us with, with like, just, it was incredible.
It felt like a vacation, a working vacation.
And getting to hang out with Dave, I don't get to see him as much as I would like.
And this is gonna be a regular tour stop on my runs.
For the rest of the time I'm doing stand up for the rest time he has this
club.
And then also people who live in the Yellow Springs area or
want to come to a really cool town.
Dave is telling me some of the people that he plans on bringing there.
He's got Bert Chrysha is gonna be there tonight.
So he's got nothing but big dogs coming through there.
Yeah, and you should check it out and it's an absolutely perfect fucking
perfect club and I could not have had a better time and I was definitely when I was hanging out with them on stage
I was definitely I always had this weird thing with Dave where he always seemed like an older brother to me
stage I was definitely I always had this weird thing with Dave where he always seemed like an older brother to me even though he's five years younger than me but he started five years before
it's really weird so he was always you know way beyond whatever level I was at so to actually be
on stage with him joking around if you told the younger me way back when when I first moved to New York and all of those guys were like, you know him like a million fucking miles away.
And all it really was, was just 27 years away.
So anyways, that's the podcast.
Thank you to everybody that came out.
I had such a good time and thank you to everybody that's been coming out, seeing my shows.
I'm getting ready to do a special.
I feel fucking great about it.
I think I know this is going to be my best one.
I'm loving this material. I'm having such a fucking great about it. I think I know this is gonna be my best one. I'm loving this material
I'm having such a fucking great time. I cannot wait
You know for some of these shows coming up it's just gonna be such a great time
So anyways, that's it Oh Billy positive here. All right
Enjoy your couple of days go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.