My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 695: Snuffling for Gubbins
Episode Date: January 22, 2024GET FIRED UP this Friday . . . Monday . . . because we're going treasure-hunting! You never know where you might find an antique violin, or an AI Companion, or maybe even wings with bones. Suggested ...talking points: That's Not a Time, Grown Friend without Secrets, Crotch Emergency, Child's Basement Rainboots, Jeremy Lupin, Cousin Fazolis World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/
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The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.
Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.
What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful
A small acquaintance has blossomed
It's rapping into a precious friendship
I could have never seen what was coming for me
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
My life, it feels like Life,, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah with two, but way off, it's better with you.
Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the
modern era.
I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy and that triple clap was to prove that the era
of the clapper is no more funeral for friend episodes.
638, goodbye to the clapper. 694, 695? Griffin, you want to go? 6 episodes, 638. Goodbye to the clapper.
694, 695.
Griffin do you wanna go? 637.
Griffin do you wanna go? 612.
Justin beat the clap.
Griffin do you wanna do?
Yeah, that's right and Griffin McElroy,
I'll say greetings to Trave Nation,
but this is just a move.
You could intro me like a Herald.
Okay, sorry, let me take that again.
I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy.
And introducing.
Presenting, sorry.
One, presenting.
Duh.
It's not an introduction.
They know me.
Yeah, they know me too.
Could you do like presenting?
That's what you do with like,
and introducing Haley Joel Steinfeld.
Okay, let me try one more time.
And I'm your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy. Buh-buh-buh-buh-bum, buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh I'll hold up a big picture of you. You're back in the locker room, but you're fucking ready to rip.
Okay.
And introducing Travis McElroy.
Da da da da da.
Ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da ba da.
Hey, what up, Trav Nation, it's me.
Woof woof, big dog, middleist brother,
Travis McElroy.
It's winter in Trav Nation.
More like Darude Snowstorm.
What? Because it snowed a lot this week in a lot of places in the country.
What does that have to do with Jason Derulo?
Yeah, why is it Jason Derulo-centric?
Is this a cat's rift?
I don't understand.
Derulo snowstorm?
Derude.
Derude.
Derude made the song stand story.
You're being Derude.
Hold on. Have you guys, you guys know about Derude? DeRude made the song stand strong. You're being DeRude.
Hold on, have you guys, you guys know about DeRude?
You say your gag there was predicated on the bases
that Travis and I would know the name of the song?
Oh, you guys are artists.
You guys are so in the wrong.
You were singing behind your hands.
You guys are so in the wrong right now.
Because you guys named that mouth fart?
Me and every other one of our listeners
is over here on this side of the yard
and we're fucking partying and we're saying like,
is this your favorite Derude song?
You two are on the corner like,
man, I don't know who Derude is
and nobody does either, go ahead and say.
Ba ba ba ba ba.
It's called Derude.
Derude is the artist.
The song is called Sandstorm.
Okay, so Rustid DeRoot did Sandstorm?
Is that what you're saying?
Rustid DeRoot did Sand Me On My Way.
Is it the opening?
Ba ba ba!
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Now, where's that mashup? So quest love, okay?
De roots, right? Yes. Yes. There's something there. There's something there Yes, listen, I want to tell you guys about this wild thing that my kids school did and a lot of the schools in the tri-state region are
Doing this and it is now the local news station WSAZ, we've talked about all its anchors, specifically, uh, No Fear, Tim Ear, the newsman who says he has no fears in an interview.
I read one time, No Fear, Tim Ear, uh, friend of the show.
Um, recorder who got hit by a car.
And that was our dad.
That was our dad.
Oh, there was also a woman who had happened.
No, the woman got hit by a car.
Our dad got hit by a car our dad did guy hit by a car
Not recently folks. Don't worry. He's fine. So my kid my kid gets in the car. She's like hey
Dad this Friday. We're doing it's a it's fired up Friday. I'm like it's fired up. Sorry. It's fired up Friday
I'm like, oh cool and she said it's um, it's cool. You just we have to be at school
at 5 30 a.m.
No, and and she's nine right, but yeah pretty with it and I was like honey
I think you might have misunderstood whatever they were trying to tell you sweetheart. That's not a time
That's not a time. No, no the world doesn't exist yet. That's not a time
They actually cancel that after I stopped delivering papers. Yeah, they got rid of 5 30 a.m. That doesn't exist yet. That's not a time. They actually canceled that after I stopped delivering papers.
They got rid of 5.30 a.m.
That doesn't exist anymore.
No, no, no, we need to be at the school at 5.30.
And I was like,
there?
Like it's exists too at this time, this 5.30.
Unless the rest of that sentence is
cause they have a bigger and more comfortable bed there
that they then will transfer us to.
Yeah.
So yeah.
And then that means that by my, by the transitive property, that means that we
have, we would have to give it 430 in the morning.
This is the plan.
This is the school wide plan, right?
And the school is trying to get people on board with Fired Up Friday.
They're giving out community service hours and you can earn homework credits.
So you don't have to do homework.
Wait, to what end, just sorry, what's happening at 5.30?
So just get there to see if they show up?
In the morning.
At 6 in the news broadcast. It happens at six in the morning, which apparently they are also doing yeah
without any consultation with me
The kids do like a skit and then they scream to show that they love sports. Oh
Wow, this is a coach usually does a skit where one time
I saw the coach pretended to be asleep and then everybody screams so loud
about basketball, he woke up and got fired up, I guess.
That's my shit.
And so there's like skit, there's sketches and skits
and it's something for the news to cut to
at six in the morning.
And all the schools in the area are trying to get
as many freaking kids as they can to just
practice place at 5.30 in the fucking morning.
Justin, I'm trying to follow this narrative.
It's tough, right?
Yeah, yeah.
There's a dissonance.
Because here's what confuses me, Justin.
Mmm.
If this happens at six o'clock, the amount of time you've described that this takes,
in my mind, is like starts at six, done by six 30. School starts at like seven, 30 or eight.
What do they do with the kids
for the next hour and a half?
So here's the plan.
It's a party, they said.
See, it's a party that goes till school starts.
And it's also-
Party don't stop till school starts.
Yes, exactly. party the worst party
They got them all fired up on tutors biscuits. No, that's the fire you up
Is biscuit world which is just like coming home as the slogan says it's like dumping a bucket of sand on a fire
That is the energy for your day. Yeah, but here's the thing man
of sand on a fire that is the energy for your day. Yeah, but here's the thing man. So they get these kids. My kid, my youngest kid, and they're asking all these kids, my youngest kid's five years
old. And already pretty cynical. I don't think Kuber gets fired up about things. She, what,
430 in the morning, these freaking kids. So we get the kids at school 530. They scream for the news
about how they love basketball. And then they're like, okay, we got a little time to kill.
Let's get these kids a real fucking trucker, bros.
Let's just slather these fucking kids up.
And now it's time for a day of learning.
Come on, let's do it.
But guess who the real victim in all of this is?
Probably you, I'm guessing.
It's me, it's me, it's me.
Cause I didn't get fired up about nothing.
I got to wake up with my kids and shovel three pocket coffees
in my mouth and then drive them to school.
And then just wonder.
You didn't get to scream for the news.
I didn't get to scream for the news.
I didn't get any tutors.
Bullshit.
I also didn't get homework credit.
At this point, Justin, I know your children pretty well.
I've spent a lot of time with them over the years.
I would be amazed if between the two of them combined,
they give half a shit about basketball.
No, no.
But I will also-
They're getting fired up.
I will say that I do know your daughters
to get fired up sometimes and yell.
They do get fired up.
They do get fired up.
And I think it sucks that the
only thing I got out of it was basically the closest you can get to a coked up five-year-old.
Yeah. Just like, just absolutely. Just like that, remind on sports and sausage.
I don't know what's screaming at the camera. Related question to this. I know all groups
aside, people are awake early for different jobs or whatnot. Who's ready for news at
Six o'clock in the morning somebody must be but but who's like with everything in the world today
We don't need to get into it. I have real jobs
But who's like, you know, what's gonna start my day off right at 6 a.m.
hearing about
Everything that's going on in the world right now. What would you program at 6 a.m.?
What is your target demo at 6 a.m.?
That's practice news.
That's when they do the practice news.
Yes, that's how, if it's your first day doing,
okay, if you want to get started as a reporter
and we need more great reporters
that are willing to work for basically nothing.
No money.
Here's how you get started.
Just show up at the news station at about five o'clock. Yeah five o'clock
They'll let anybody do it. That's first at five
You know what they call it first at five because it's your first time doing
First serve whoever gets there first gets to pick if they want to be the anchor or through a porter
Yeah, or the camera is
All right, that's all I oh, wow. Really? Yeah.
Now, hold on.
If they have AI, could they not just generate via AI
a clip of many children screaming and not have to wake up the entire city?
It's like, yeah, get wet in here. Come on. Yes.
And yes, that is true.
And if no one shows up to do the news, like they got bad weather,
they could just they'll have, you know, fucking Bonzi Buddy do it.
I know that-
AI Bonzi Buddy to-
It's all a strat.
It's all a strat to go viral.
You can't ignore this news TV that is on
if you hear children screaming coming out of it.
We are all sort of biologically attuned
to hear that noise and go, what the fuck?
Yeah.
But with AI, and I'm not a supporter of AI
in the creative fields,
except that they could...
Not the technology or the Haley Joel Oslin movie.
I didn't care for... I don't like either one of those.
That has grown on me.
Really?
Yeah, it's worth a rewatch, Travis.
It's worth a rewatch.
It's worth a rewatch.
I wasn't wild about the ending, but...
I know, but there's important stuff that happens.
Ironically, I think you could use the technology of AI
to make some changes to AI that would make me like it more.
Maybe.
I'm just saying with artificial intelligence engines
and algorithms, we could create a news clip
of like 250,000 kids all screaming about local basketball.
That's gonna move some TV subscriptions.
You know what I would program at 6 a.m. Justin,
you asked and in the back of my head,
this process has been running what I would program at 6 a.m. Justin, you asked in the back of my head, this process has been running.
I would program another adult mirroring their inner kitchen,
they're getting ready for the day too.
And they just occasionally look at the camera and go,
I know man, I know right.
That's cool.
That's not Travis.
I'm proud of you for being away.
That's not entertainment.
That's not, that's nothing you've basically described.
You don't think that would be beneficial?
You've described an adult mobile is what you're saying.
Just like something on the web.
No, Travis is talking.
This is a loneliness aid.
Yeah.
That they put on the news sometimes
when you're having a hard one.
And also a little bit of affirmation too
of just saying like, hey, yeah, it's
supposed to be up this early, but we're going to get shit done.
Hey, could they ask questions about my day? That doesn't happen in my life. Yeah, absolutely they could. I'm just saying like, hey, yeah, it sucks to be up this early, but we're gonna get shit done today.
Could they ask questions about my day?
That doesn't happen in my life.
Yeah, absolutely they could.
6 a.m., you need a friend.
I don't even need that.
I just need to see another moving human body.
Yeah.
Just to be, just to, that's like my seasonal effect
of disorder lamp is just seeing a moving person
and knowing that there's, it's not just me.
Adult, okay.
So what if-
Adult friend.
Adult friend, and I don't like putting the word adult
in front of things because of the connotations of that.
Grown friend.
Grown friend.
Because when I used to get up for school, for high school,
yeah, and I would watch every morning VH1,
and they would have Papa.
That gets your day going. It would give you a day going. Well morning grind. They would have Papa. That could sure go on.
Well, morning grind.
They would have Papa video on there.
Yeah.
I would like a Papa video of another human being
getting ready for the day,
but he just tells me little secrets about that.
Little salacious secrets.
I wanna be able to turn that off.
Nobody put that.
I don't know if I should.
I want an option where I never get Travis's channel.
Even by accident. No, I want the loneliness. No, no, I want an option where I never get Travis's channel, even by accident.
No, I want the loneliness, no, no,
I want the loneliness aid, I want the grown friend,
but I don't want the secrets.
So this is a new role at a TV station now,
is you have anchor, reporter, weather, sports,
loneliness aid grown friend who can be there for you,
then we'll slip them in there every five or 10 minutes. sports loneliness aid grown friend who can be there for you and
we'll slip them in there every every, you know, five or 10
minutes. And then the screaming children. This is these are the
six steps to running successful TV news station.
I meant more like insights wherever so often a bubble would
pop up like this was a dream to being a dancer but gave that
up with a little mean back story.
I don't want that.
I don't want that.
I don't need that.
Against all odds, this is an advice show and the way it works is you send us your
questions at mbm, maximumfund.org.
And we turn them out to be like into wisdom here is our first question for this week.
So I've been stretching almost daily since last May and now I'm more flexible
than the average Joe Schmoe.
In fact, my splits are getting impressive
I could brag to my friends, but that seems a bit gauche
How can I casually do the splits around people such that they acknowledge it?
But don't stop everything to watch that's from crotch to the grindstone in new pulse
I think stretching every day gotta read the ps. It's incredibly important. Oh
I think stretching every day gotta read the ps. It's incredibly important. Oh
PS I'm talking about a front split it is imperfect But maybe three inches off the ground at the highest point
I have five roommates and a cat who has seen the splits already
I'm a college student who spends much of his time in an organic chemistry lab
Mmm, would have started with that. Yeah, it's a sort of like
Play the old rope a dope a little bit of like there's no fucking way this person does the splits.
And then you hit me with that.
By the way, I can do the splits pretty good.
But they're not trying to impress you.
They're trying to impress their friends and loved ones.
I think someone who stretches every day is more impressive to me than someone who keeps
up with flossing.
Frankly, at this age, at my age, at 40, I wish I'd started stretching every day back at like 22.
It's good.
It's too late now.
So much of me is calcified.
No, no, no.
Griffin is very diligent about this.
I'll say repeatedly, we've been mid conversation,
mid gift giving, mid funeral.
I'm gonna be like, I gotta roll it out.
I gotta get my weird little bean
and roll my body
Not a bean to foam roller to foam roller foam rollers into root
Are there any other things you guys want to show your asses on completely in this episode? How do what is the phone roller for?
What is the foam roller for what does it do?
It's the only place I can talk to you about this stuff because you get so defensive when we're not recording
This is the only place you're vulnerable. I've seen Justin ask what's the foam or all doing.
Griffin just immediately hangs up.
Yeah.
I throw it at him.
I have asked though before having I Travis, I have asked.
I never get an answer.
I'm ready.
It's a very guarded shadowy creature.
Griffin doesn't really barely no grip.
Yeah.
I mean, the way I upkeep my body,
it doesn't have to be a part of our relationship.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
I ask, how are your kids?
And you're like, they're here.
No, no, no, I'll talk about my kids all day long,
but you want to talk about how my upkeep, my maintenance,
the foam roller, it just feels good to lean backwards on. You know how
sometimes you lean back on a chair to get a good stretch and imagine that, but the chair moves with
you in a free space. Do you lie on the floor? No, I mean, you lie on the foam roller, which is on
the floor. That's so vulnerable. Okay, you got to close the door. If I if I come upon you in that
position and I have an ill ill intent you're dead.
You're dead. Yeah, no, I would say that's actually so vulnerable if I came upon you in that position
If I did not have ill intent before I didn't develop ill intent of like well, I gotta I gotta hurt him now
Yeah, yeah, I'm a crab on his back when I'm doing it
But then I stand up I'm an inch and a half taller and I I feel great about my day. Okay, I wanna say that I think you shouldn't force this.
I think that you will know when it is time to do a split.
Yeah.
And it has to be organic,
because otherwise you are showing off.
But if you wait for the moment, the perfect moment, I could think of three times
just in the past year where if I could have busted out
like a devastating split, it would have absolutely
seized the day, ended the conversation.
I mean, it would have been monumental.
You work in a chemistry lab.
There will come a day.
I don't, I am a podcaster.
There will come a day dead question asker where someone
Will whoa?
Right a beaker of something goes flying or science. Yeah, you go into a full blown Rockford Peaches
Fucking leave a league of their own split you catch it boom great everybody applaud
They take a picture they put it on the front page of the paper
Yeah, and then when people were like,
whoa, that's amazing, you say.
I didn't even know I could do that.
No, no, I don't like that.
I drank a special potion,
I drank a special science juice that I mixed up in the lab
and it made me super bendy and rubbery.
I'm elastic man.
I'm the most powerful of the Justice League.
How much more inspirational would it be
if the person looks in the microphone and says, I thank you.
I practice them every day, but it's just for me.
Oh, that's cool.
I can't. I didn't want you to see this.
What I do, I can't.
You were never supposed to see this side of me.
Yeah. I got no please, no.
This is just for me.
Is it nicer?
Question asked, Gerdir.
Isn't it nicer to have a little secret?
Isn't it nicer to hear a conversation in the room
where people are like, nobody's ever done the splits
and you're like, well, a little chuckle to yourself.
You know, because you know you do the splits.
Let's ask Griffin.
Griffin, is it nice to have secrets?
Yeah.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm an open book.
That's true.
That's true.
Somehow I'm trying to shut it.
My spine is broken.
My book can't close. Right. It hurts so bad. That's true. Two of them. Two of them. Two of them. Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them.
Two of them. Two of them. Two of them. Two of them. Two of them. assume the position and if you can get up from it and go about your day.
And recovery time, I would say would be the third aspect.
Recovery time is also up for it.
I think I could do a split.
I think it would take me about 20 minutes to get down.
Guys, I think there's only one way for me to find this out.
I gotta do a little bit of, I got a moving arm here.
I'm gonna-
Should we all do the splits real quick and see how?
No, no.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I've already had a vasectomy,
but I think I'll leave it there
as far as trauma to my testicles.
Thank you very much.
Okay, Travis, you get to be the judge of the splits.
Perfect.
You're gonna have to angle your cameras down
or I'll just see your horrified faces.
No, you don't get to see that part.
Yeah, we're not gonna shoot.
It's gotta be honor system.
It's gotta be honor system. Front splits or side splits? Well, I don't know.
Front splits is what they're talking about. I think side splits is harder. How far down
can you get? Front splits is like the foot goes in front of you and behind you, right?
The other one's the genre called Van Damme. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing front and back.
Okay. I'm, I don't want to see any bended knees. We're not proposing here. No, I know.
This is what I'm saying. It sucks so bad.
Oh my God.
How far off the ground would you say you are?
I can't see you're like,
if you had to measure an inches.
Oh my goodness.
I'm like, I'm like, ah.
Oh God, I think I heard something tear from Justin.
I think I was probably about 10 inches off the ground.
That was my estimate.
I think I got to about 10 inches.
A foot on the ground. I'm a estimate. I think I got to about 10 inches.
A foot on the ground.
I'm a good foot, but give me 20 minutes.
And I'm down there, baby.
You're just letting gravity do its job.
Okay, so waiting for Gervin to give it.
Still waiting for Gervin to give back up.
There was, here's what I will say.
I could have gone deeper, but there was definitely a moment.
It was like a very clear point of no return like you can split further than this
But you may never unsplit so there might be a moment
You know when like oh they talk about you know that that strength of like oh a baby trapped under a car
You get the pump so there might be an emergency situation
Justin where you're filled with adrenaline and you're able to do a split, right? But then that's maybe your next six weeks.
Yeah, exactly.
Like you could do, it's like a great trick.
I can only do it once.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So just wait for the moment.
Just wait for that.
My grundle.
My grundle.
Man, I wanna do jokes.
Justin, let Griffin update his grundle.
My grundle is in a crisis.
Like emotionally, physically. My grundle is in a crisis.
Like emotionally, physically. My grundle is in a crisis.
I don't want to tell you that.
Diana sent in a lucky draw. See, this is what I'm talking about Griffin.
Open up. We're going to the Wizard's house
and Diana is leading us there. Diana got us the invite. Thank you, Diana.
This is Wiggy Howe. How to sew up your taint.
How to sew your taint back together.
This is how to find treasure. Treasures everywhere.
I literally feel like my body is a ship and they called an emergency in my crotch and
everyone had to go.
Like my brain is on a skeleton crew right now with the amount of discomfort I've been
experiencing down there.
Treasure is everywhere!
You can find treasure in exotic locations at the flea market
in your town or even in your backyard.
You never know when you might find a hidden gem,
buried fortune, or ancient relic.
I'm gonna say that treasure is not at a flea market.
You can find some pretty good pickups there,
but you can't find treasure at a store.
You know what I mean?
I've watched a lot of Antiques Roadshow
Gryffindor. I think you can find treasure at a flea market in terms of like...
You can buy treasure at a flea market. Oh yeah, okay. I see what you're saying.
He's saying that if you can buy it in a store, it's not treasure.
Yes, okay. Yes. You've bought treasure. I could cash out all of my savings and go buy
a diamond or something.
Travis, what is it that Richard E Grant called it?
Oh, what was it?
Snuffling out some gubbins.
It's snuffling for gubbins.
Yes, snuffling for gubbins.
Snuffling for gubbins.
A little snuffling for gubbins.
It was Richard E Grant is a great actor and an amazing Instagram
realist who makes these incredible Instagram reels
where it's just a close-up of his huge smile
and he's like, ah, and it's like real close-up
and there was one of him like walking through
and out through our like flea market thing,
he's like, ah, just out here on a lovely Sunday,
snuffling for gum.
I do like that a lot.
It's wonderful.
Get a metal detector to help you find metal objects.
When you get to your destination, turn on your metal detector and adjust your settings
blah blah blah.
When your metal detector finds something, it'll light up or make a sound.
Use a shovel or garden spade to dig where your detector finds treasure.
Put that earlier.
I'm already at the beach with my metal detector and no shovel, like a ding dong.
Gotta steal one from a child.
That was a tick-hash-child shovel. You never hear from Elon or Bezos or other rich guys.
Yeah.
And they're like, how'd you get your start?
They're never like, well, I got this metal detector.
Uh-huh.
Went to the beach, dug up Captain Jack Sparrow's
sacred chest.
I had a hundred thousand million dollars in it.
So you are not familiar with the work
of professional treasure hunter, Gary Drayton, right?
Because Gary Drayton, the hero of Curse of Oak Island,
regularly, I have seen the man discover doubloons.
I've seen him discover.
He discovered the balloons.
Yeah.
The balloons.
Look at these balloons.
The balloons of Derude.
He found a lot of his calls.
This week on Legends of the Hidden Diffle.
The balloons of Derude.
He found an old chunk of metal that may be a spike
from an old, old ship.
There's all kinds of stuff you could get up.
But he is not a famously wealthy man,
Justin, as evidenced by the fact that I have already forgotten his name
that you said fucking a minute ago.
So here's a little metal detector life hack.
If you discover with the metal detectors, you're seeing just walk around the beach
and walk up to people's like bags and pockets and stuff and swipe it at their bag
and like, I found treasure and someone's like bags and pockets and stuff and swipe it at their bag and be like, be be be, I found treasure.
And someone's like, that's my wallet.
And you're like, you knew lost it and I found it.
And I didn't lose it, it was in my backpack.
And you're like, ah, but my metal detected it.
I have never, I don't know that I've ever seen
a tic-a-tac of a person doing metal detecting
or magnet fishing and they're like,
oh fuck yeah, a safe full of American money.
It's always like, oh, fuck, a bomb, or ah, man,
a corpse somehow, shit, and then you have to wait
for the cops to show up, and that's your whole day,
and also you have to interact with cops.
So that's the opposite of just-
So cops are always so mad about magnet fishing.
You would think they're always so mad.
Yeah, why are you doing with this bomb? Why do you have this? They were so mad about magnet fishing. You would think they were so mad. Yeah.
Why are you doing with this bomb?
Why do you have this?
I probably shouldn't.
Is it okay to say that word on podcasts?
Which one?
Are you afraid TSA is gonna shut us down?
I don't know or FCC.
You can't take this podcast and do an air force.
I guess that's true.
I mean, I do call stuff to bomb a lot.
Yeah, like Derute.
Like Derute.
Like Derute. Okay, like Derude. Like Derude. Like Derude.
Okay, investigate the strip of land
between roads and sidewalks.
That's, I guess, where people drop their stuff the most.
Like you get off a road.
Okay.
They're saying there's a road, right?
And then you see a, you get out of your car
and then there's a sidewalk nearby and you walk to that sidewalk and along the way you're just like
Golden coins just chuffling out of your pockets. I could say from personal experience
There was a time where I was picking my kid up from school and it's a very hectic very stressful
school pickup and I left my keys sitting on top of the car and
drove away from the school and made it onto the highway on ramp
at which point my keys flew off of the top of my car.
Now luckily, it was a remote start,
so my car stayed on with my kids inside.
I pulled over the shoulder, left the car on,
hopped out, started looking around for my keys,
and people honked at me so angrily.
And I kept yelling back,
yes, I also don't want to be out here.
Yeah, I also, do you see how I'm bent as the waist looking at the ground?
I also don't want to be here.
Hey, but never found it.
Sorry, just because you're sorry didn't mean you're not going to get in trouble.
Okay.
I, you know, I've told that to my kids.
I'm telling you, people are still going to get mad at you.
I'm sorry.
Never found those keys, by the way.
That's that's that's what I was like. I lost my keys and my wife was like, by the way. Got home and I was like, I lost my keys.
And my wife was like, how'd you get home?
And I was like, well, I started the car
when the keys were on top.
So did you get home, keys somewhere on the highway,
and then say, well, car, we've had a good run,
but when I turn you off now,
That's the end for us.
You're dead forever.
We're out of extra lives, bud.
This is it. I can never turn the car off out of extra lives, bud. This is it.
I can never turn the car off.
Just real quick, if the road is old,
you may find items from previous centuries
like an artillery uniform button from the War of 1812.
That's pretty specific.
Very specific, yeah.
Search along old public parks or picnic playgrounds.
Find some old, find an old empty goldfish wrapper?
I don't think so. This does, you have to sound like treasure. Okay, let's get into the good stuff. Find some old, find an old empty goldfish wrapper?
I don't think so.
This does, you have to sound like treasure.
Okay, let's get into the good stuff.
Look around vacant lots where buildings used to be.
Maybe.
What?
No, that's so dangerous.
Well, visit your local library.
Visit your local library.
This is good.
Visit your local library and ask the librarian
for an old map of your area.
Okay, good.
This is a great starting point for any treasure hunt.
You should probably not say treasure map though, right?
Like I would say,
do you have any treasure maps of Huntington?
Probably not.
Yeah.
I mean, who for a guide to undiscovered riches?
No, shit.
What profession would you approach
before a librarian asking for clues for local treasures.
Oh, 100% antique pawn shops.
Those are the two I would go to.
They're not going to fucking tell.
They're not going to fucking tell.
Yeah, sure.
Go take our treasures before we get to them.
No way.
The pawn shops don't look for the treasures.
You take the treasures to the pawn shop in exchange for arrowheads or scraps of leather
or whatever you need to.
You need a retired treasure hunter that you're going go to and they're gonna be like I'll tell you the one I
never felt sort of a sully situation yeah right yeah and they're gonna be like I'd say I searched
all over here's the book here's the volume of secrets I ain't coming but I never got there and now
I'm just I'm too bored I don't want to do it. I'm 43 and my mom says I need to get a job.
So now you take over.
These are all too hard.
Let's skip ahead.
Okay.
Method two, searching around your house.
Look in the basement attic and garage of your home.
If you recently moved into an old home
or inherited a space from a relative,
check in storage locations and see what you may find.
Downstairs in our basement area, there is a little cabinet.
We open it up and there's some child's rain boots in there,
which are fit our sun great in the snow.
So that's, that's haunted.
Child's rain boots in the child's basement rain boots.
Yeah.
Shit.
Yeah, man.
Sorry, bud. Pretty obvious. That's pretty hot. That's one of the Shit. Yeah, man. Sorry, bud.
Pretty obvious.
That's one of the more haunted things you could find, I think.
Yeah, yeah, you said it out loud.
You heard it, right?
Yeah.
Only thing worse is one.
Yeah.
That's the only child's rain boots.
One single child's rain boot.
That's so bad.
Can I say children's feats grow so quickly that I definitely have bought children's rain boots
that were never worn.
That is, yeah, yeah.
Because the feet outgrew them before they were necessary.
So that particular short poem
doesn't have this sort of emotional payload.
Children's rain boots never weren't.
$25, OBO.
OBO.
OBO.
Hit me up. No delivery. OBO. Hit me up.
No delivery.
No delivery.
Pick up only.
His feet got too big.
Sorry.
Waste of money.
I never say baby shoes.
Never worn.
Get half fat feet.
Did not fit.
Big feet.
The idea. Okay. Here. Big feet. Like the idea.
Okay.
Here I just want to teach her and it looks like a craigslist listing that the
headline is kids.
She's never worn the underneath.
Do not waste my time.
We did.
Will not drive to be you at a second location.
Shoes are offered as.
You know, it's something I have been burned before.
Email me for more pics, text me at this number at night,
but not this number while I'm at work.
Gotta get these baby shoes out of here.
Need room for more baby shoes.
Check around your home for any hidden doors or compartments.
Yeah.
When we moved to DC, that was step one.
And we found one.
And it's the President's Secret Clubhouse.
Under our house is a trap door that goes down
to the President's Secret Clubhouse.
No kidding?
Yeah.
Is it cool?
Is Joe Biden cool?
No.
No.
Not really, not particularly. But he lets me use this clubhouse,
and I do appreciate that.
Normal on inspect garbage and recycling bins
to search for discarded treasure.
No!
As they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure.
But this is suggesting that one man's discarded treasure
is another man's identity theft.
Is still treasure.
Yeah, don't do identity theft.
No. Now Griffin, I don't think it's identity theft. It's still treasure. Yeah, don't do identity theft. No.
No Griffin, I don't think it's a twist.
I think it's just a literal depiction of the old adage
that one person's treasure is another person's treasure.
They're saying, literally,
the treasure's even actually treasure to you.
But that suggests that the person had no need for,
I get, who's out here throwing away treasure guys?
It's 2023, 2024.
Are any of these steps, Griffin,
befriend an eccentric billionaire on the edge of death
Because that I think is because then you're gonna get embroiled in a dangerous game of clues and hints
Allah the Hawthorns or the Westing game
I do think this is what salt burn is about but I'm not going to watch it because I've heard that is scary as Gary yeah be sure to use a disinfectant.
There's adult content. Oh no there's a few adult content moments. I'm just gonna watch
Incredibles 2 again. That's probably a good bet. It's the only movie I watch man it's
safe I haven't seen the first one yet so there's a lot of backstory I haven't
caught up on no spoiler at least. There's a little too much kissing in the first
book first book of Incredibles for my taste I only read the novelization of the Incredibles real quick though. Incredibles 2 isn't a kid's movie the way I watch it
You know, I mean, how do you want this incredible shout out from me?
incredible
Shout out saying that you're just stopping the show to tell it time to drop the zero and get with the hero
There's a no he's the hero Justin. No, he's the zero compared to me.
He's a superhero.
Yeah.
And that means he said ahead everything handed to him.
You're both married.
I have children and a wife.
I work for it.
Mr. Incredible.
It's at everything handed to him.
I work for it.
Justin doesn't have powers.
Justin's weak.
You can't do.
Justin's weak. He can't do. Justin's weak.
He can't do a split.
It's harder for him.
I'm a super taster.
So what?
I bet Mrs.
Incredible is not impressed by splits whatsoever.
Yeah.
Mr.
Incredible is a superhero.
If the ragweed is bad,
apples hurt my mouth.
Like, yeah, but I've had to work for it.
Is all I'm saying your whole life.
Thank you. Thank you
Thank Travis is there a cartoon character that you would like to proposition in the middle of our show for some reason?
Let me think
Don't want to answer water people in elementary
Hey real quick while you're looking at the garbage can, you could discover an old
violin that is worth up to $50,000.
That is a wild sentence.
Words were not meant to be used that way.
Yeah, no, it's great.
But you could, but, but don't rush to grab it because underneath it, there may be a violin
worth $100,000.
Yeah, no way. And a man can only carry so many violins. because underneath it, there may be a violin worth $100,000.
Yeah, no way.
And a man can only carry so many violins.
But inside that violin is a small diamond worth $200,000.
It may happen.
Yeah.
Now this is cool.
Investigate Barnes and Sheds to see what might have been left behind.
You could find a storage building full of random antiques,
tools, or appliances, for instance.
In addition, keep an eye out for scrap metal to sell or items to repurpose.
Maybe this is what happened when Dad got all of his
comic books stolen out of his storage unit,
and someone found the storage unit and was like,
all right, treasure in this abandoned storage unit.
God, this store's hard to open.
Man, this store's really-
It must be rusted shut.
It's really stuck.
To be fair, if I dug up a treasure chest
that had a lock on it,
I'd be like, well, cutting that right off there.
Yeah.
Oh, wow, Travis, that's a great,
okay, listen, that's a great point, right?
If you see a chest out in the open
and you're like, I'm gonna smash that lock off
and take what's in it, you're a criminal.
Yes, correct.
But if you dig it out of the ground. Even a little bit. Even a bit, right? And then you do it, you're a criminal. Yes, correct. But if you dig it out of the ground.
Even a little bit.
Even a bit, right?
And then you do it, you're a hero?
Yep.
Yeah.
This is a good, this is actually,
this is a good money laundering scheme.
Tell me.
For like pickpockets, you steal all the stuff that you want.
And then, you know, the inspector,
Lupin is after you or whatever.
Oh, he's trying to shut your ass.
He's become a cop now?
Yeah, he's a cop.
Lupin is with less authorities.
Yeah, and you take it to the part.
Sorry, the gentleman thief?
Mon Dieu, Griffin Lupin?
I see Lupin.
I see Lupin.
I see Lupin.
The gentleman thief?
It's his brother Jeremy Lupin, and he's picked...
Those two are always at odds.
He's chasing you. This is a good idea for thieves,
and I've given so much to this community throughout my time on the show.
Provinces with...
He's been a crime supporter for years, vocally.
I'm doing my best out here for all of these
urban foragers
When you've stolen a bunch of stuff take it to the park take a whole bury it
Wait a minute dig it out of the hole someone's like where the fuck did you find all that you say?
Excuse me. I think this is buried treasure
and finds these keepsies.
Thank you so much.
You know where there's a lot of buried treasure?
Where's that? Graveyards.
That's a good point.
Yeah, it's all buried treasure, locked in boxes.
You can find rings, necklaces.
Sure, Chef.
Yeah. Gold teeth.
Yeah, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, man. All Sure, yeah man.
Stuff, yeah, we got it.
Completely illegal.
Search online to find information about famous buried treasure.
For example, read up on Davy Jones' locker
if you want to find Grand Fortune.
A Spanish ship sank in 1511 and on board was nearly 600 tons
of gold and 200 chests of diamonds, rubies and embalds.
The ship has never been found and it presumably is somewhere
on the straight of Malacca between Sumatra and Malaysia.
OK, so we've escalated just from get a metal detector
and shovel to, hey, maybe try deep sea recovery with,
I guess, some kind of freighter and deep sea divers.
If I can do that, I have treasure already. Yeah
Learn how to decipher clues and riddles. Yeah. Yeah now. That's a good that should be honestly
Right after keep your grades up on all these
Yeah, you decipher clues and riddles you're five steps ahead
This is add that to the end of every standardized test in school. Start weeding out potential master detectives, right?
And be like, yeah, listen, he only got like 80%
on the standardized test ring portion,
but he's scoring Poirot plus in the fifth.
On riddles.
We gotta rush this guy straight
to the straight of whatever Griffin said
where the treasure is.
In high school, I had been told that
if you do good enough
on the SAT that you could be recruited by the CIA.
Is that what people who do well on the SAT want?
Like if you score a perfect score in the SAT
and they're like, you could come work for the CIA.
I think my response would be like, that's the dream.
No thank you.
I'm just saying that is what I had been informed
is that part of the SAT is if you do really, really good at it,
then you get into the CIA.
They sneak a question at the end.
It's like, do you like destabilization?
What's your feel?
How do you feel about it?
Where do you want your intelligence?
Do you want it on the outside edge of things,
or perhaps in the center?
To find the treasure some form of code must be broken. Yeah
For instance research Thomas J. Beals gold and silver deposit, which is said to be buried somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains
Fuck we were just there. Wait a minute. You could also read the secret a treasure hunt by Byron Priess
Which is a book full of poems and illustrations
leading you to gems buried throughout the world.
And I think only five of them have been solved.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Something like that.
It came out before the other the secret.
So you can read.
I was going to say you can also read the secret.
The secret.
So it's like a treasure hunt.
And the other the secret was like too much work.
Yeah.
No, just tell yourself you love to have gems.
Just act like somebody with gems.
I've put a bunch of pictures of gems on a board and then I got gems.
Consider going diving to find items deep in the sea.
Scary.
Consider going diving.
Yeah.
Scary, yes.
Scary and expensive, I think, to get accredited.
So I would need to find, well, I think deep sea treasure diving has lost a little bit of the shine came off that old Apple, I would say.
Why? You lost me.
Because of what happened last year.
There are a lot of things happen.
Yeah, you're going to have to narrow it down.
Yeah, you're going to narrow it down.
Because like, I don't, I'm sorry, I don't, I do not know what you're referencing.
Can you drill down on it a little bit?
The SUV. The bit? The SUV.
The SUV.
The SUV.
Subway.
That went.
The SUV.
That went.
Super room.
It got real small, real quick, didn't it?
So we don't.
Oh, oh, right, right, right.
Griffin, that was in poor taste.
Oh, Griffin.
How could you?
Oh, Griffin. Okay. You guys asked, and, that was in poor taste. Oh, Griffin. How could you?
Oh, Griffin.
Okay.
You guys asked, and I was trying to find a way to say it.
There's something about laying it out in public, though, like that.
The way you laid it out made it seem so crass.
How you spelled it out just then made it seem so crass.
Do you know where we could find treasure?
Do you know where younger listeners don't know about the SUV?
And so when I spell it, they don't know what it is that we're talking about.
Do you know where we could find treasure?
Where's that treasure?
The Money Zone!
Probably not anymore.
I'll tell you, I've seen my biggest problem with trying to eat a more nutritious
food consumption plan. Yeah, we should point out Travis got flushed away.
Oh, sorry, Jeff.
Travis was using the potty earlier,
he fell in and then flushed it,
he got flushed away like the movie.
I let myself get so hungry,
and then when I'm so hungry,
everything that is good for me,
and what honestly tastes good,
is too hard, takes too long.
So I have a Dorito, I have five Doritositos, 50 Doritos, however many Doritos it is.
Factor is going to step in to change all that though, because we're going to skip
the prep, skip the grocery store, skip the cooking, all of it, and just skip right
to delicious nutrition.
All right.
Factor has everything you need for a week of flavorful, nutritious eats.
They got ready to eat meals, but it's not just the meals Griffin.
Cold pressed juices, smoothies.
They have smoothies, energy bites, extra protein, veggies, whatever you need to keep
your body fuel and ready to perform.
That's good for me.
I do a lot of high octane stuff.
And the idea of having a sort of bandolier of energy bites
on my person at all times that I can sort of typewriter up
into my mouth.
Maybe a sort of gigantic pez dispenser.
Yeah.
Just pop one open.
Yeah.
And blast yourself with the proteans you crave.
That sounds really nice to me actually.
And this is, how long to make one of these meals?
Will Griffin, how about two minutes?
How's two minute grab you?
Hmm.
That's restaurant quality in two minutes.
That's almost right here.
Door.
Come on.
That's almost the lowest number of minutes you can have.
Right now, you're going to head on over to factor meals.
Dot com slash brother 50 and use code brother 50 to get 50% off. We've never had a 50 in a code before.
That's huge. That's huge. This is huge. Normally it's just words, but this time there's a 50.
To help you remember, you're gonna get 50% off. That's code brother50atfactormeals.com
slash brother50 to get 50% off. The code is, the Brother 50 is a five and a zero.
Don't try and spell out the words,
cause then you get, then the government finds out.
Yes. FactorMeals.com and that code is Brother 50.
From the twisted minds that brought you
in the adventure zone, balance and amnesty and graduation and either
see and steeple chase and utra space and all the other ones the macroi brothers and dad
are proud to reveal a bold vision for the future of actual play podcasting.
It's um it's called the adventure zone versus Dracula.
Yeah we're gonna kill Dracula.
Well, we haven't recorded all of it yet.
We will attempt to kill Dracula.
The Adventure Zone versus Dracula.
Yes, a season I will be running using the D&D 5th edition rule set.
And there's two episodes out for you to listen to right now.
We hope you will join us.
Same bat time, same bat channel.
And bats, I see channel. And bats.
I see what you did there.
People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.
Which is why here on Just as We Have Us, we judge them by so much more.
We rate animals out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics
taking into consideration each animal's true strengths, like a pigeon's ability to tell We rate animals out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics,
taking into consideration each animal's true strengths, like a pigeon's ability to tell
a Monet from a Picasso or a polar bear's ability to play basketball.
Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, and more join us to share their unique insight
into the animal's world.
Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. I want a munch.
Squad.
But I want to munch.
Squad.
Welcome to my podcast with the podcast profile.
The latest grades of brand eating.
Uh, guys, it is 20 fun galore.
We're we're getting deep in it.
And I know what everybody is wondering.
How are the brands celebrating this new year?
Today, I have for you the top five wildest ways that our food brands have decided
that they will mark the beginning of new year.
Me, I like to just take it, take a minute to refresh and restart.
I don't I'm not big on resolutions, but it doesn't matter what us.
The people are doing.
I care about the brands.
Yeah.
Shake brands are people.
Shake Shack is starting 2024 with a sweet and spicy menu.
Okay.
Shake Shack is bringing its flavor a game to 2024 with new menu items
featuring Swici, which is sweet slash spicy and your mommy flavors and tastes.
It's better than getting a mom couldn't get a mommy in there, huh?
So couldn't squish those three words together.
It's army, Swiss army.
So that's thank you, Shake Shack.
What a burger is launching.
What a wings to kick off 2024.
Whataburger is kicking off the new year in a big way
with all new boneless What-O-Wings,
made with nine juicy 100% white meat chicken bites,
tossed in one of our four famously bold sauces.
I would say at this point, Anno Dominé, 20 fungalore,
adding boneless wings to a menu isn't anything.
It's maybe one of the easiest things.
That's the thing that Theresa and I are like,
I don't feel like making dinner for the kids.
We'll just throw some nugs in the air fryer.
You wanna impress me?
What a burger?
Bone wings.
Yeah.
There's rest, If McDonald's started
this. Wingless bones. Can you guys imagine if McDonald's started selling food with bones
in it? Can you fucking imagine if. Rally's, Rally's checkers does it and it always feels
a little bit sketched. Like it's rough. If you're going to get a beak, that's where it's going to happen. It's Bojangles unveils a chicken rice bowl for the new year.
Bojangles is kicking off the new year with its latest culinary masterpiece,
the chicken rice bowl.
So they, the rolls over the old calendar flips.
Bojangles has a rice bowl.
So you're saying, wait, Justin, they've combined chicken and rice in a bowl?
Masterpiece!
Yeah.
He'd only be able to-
He'd only be able to-
He'd rifle the greatest works of Hang Off!
They used to only have chicken and rice in like a sandwich baggie.
Uh-huh.
And you had to eat it with like your hand.
You had to cut the bottom of the bag open and then just-
Like an astronaut? like an astronaut.
Like an astronaut.
Now they hand you a bowl and a segment of the Mona Lisa
to wipe your mouth with.
So, so great is this rice bowl in Trump's any work.
Talk it.
Who is this character?
Yeah, it is an art critic,
but he's really excited about the Bojangles'
gender rice bowl.
And he also, he doesn't have a lot else going on for him.
He's partner just left him and his dog just left him
for a better owner.
And, whoa, I didn't even know they could do that.
Yeah, no, the dog was like, you know what?
I'm gonna take off.
I'm moving up and Griffin,
they closed the Bojangles closest to his house.
Now he has to drive 15 miles.
Bojangles left him.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry.
He's not giving up.
And it's not me.
It's you.
If you would not.
If you would not.
You sorry.
Criticize him.
He can criticize artworks and Bojangles.
But we can't criticize him.
But you can't criticize him.
He's in he's just in a very delicate place right now.
Okay.
Tell me about Taco Bell.
Hey yo, Taco Johns.
Taco Bell isn't.
My apologies.
Taco Bell is't my apologies
Noticing they are not recognizing they're gonna kick it 2023
Taco John's knows that the best way to celebrate the new year and watch all the big games is
naturally with tacos and a value-driven bundle of tacos can help people save
money without sacrificing great flavor.
A value driven,
bunjong, flavor driven.
Who's hungry?
There's something about that that gives me like 1984 doublespeak.
Like, yeah, what I'm saying is these are cheap old tacos.
Okay, guys, now available at all taco Johns locations,
fans can save two dollars off the six pack and a pound bundle.
What?
Which includes six soft shell or crispy tacos loaded
with seasoned American beef, mild sauce,
all natural cheddar cheese and shredded lettuce,
plus a pound of Taco John's signature crispy potato Olay's.
I have to go. What's that? Plus a pound of Taco John's signature crispy potato Olay's.
I have to go.
What's that?
Yeah, they're probably hash browns.
With all the big games coming up this time of year, there's no better way to feed your
team says Taco John's chief marketing officer Barry Westrom, saving money on our flavor
packed tacos and signature potato Olay's means you can add sides of nacho cheese
Super nachos a meat and potato burrito combo meal or a
potato burrito
Combo
Ever you're rooting for taco John's has you covered
All right, whoever you're rooting for enjoy that hour long bathroom break after the game.
I'm actually I'm rooting for myself.
And that is incompatible with this flavor driven Taco Johns experience.
And lastly, the wildest way to ring in the new year comes to us from Chisole's.
Chisole's welcomes new Year with new stuff shells on trace.
Fizzoli's is bringing fans cheesy comfort as the New Year kicks off with three new stuff shells on trace.
Sometimes I forget that Fizzoli's is a chain and not just the one place in our home.
I believed it was a chain at one point and then I started to suspect that there was just one Fizzoli's
in Huntington and the rest are gone. When I thought Fizzoli's was a chain, I was shocked.
I can't believe that the things they do in that building, they do in many other buildings.
Okay, you guys know that that's not true because there's the Fizzoli's on fifth,
but there's all the fizzoli's next to the HIMG that used to be a Walmart that used to be a
drive-in. Yeah, that wasn't there I think when I lived there. Yeah it was because
Tommy worked at that one so he definitely was there. Tommy's moral, got his start.
Tommy read, the four cheese stuffed shells can, I'm not gonna tell you about all these.
That's too many cheeses. There's like a lot of cheeses and they're gonna put them
in a lot of shells. And there's-
What shells?
What kind of shell?
Like seafood shells.
Like crab shells.
Ashton Trav, if you're in the mood for seafood,
good to hear it.
It says here, for a seafood kick,
guests can order the garlic shrimp stuffed shells,
which includes 12 shrimp simmered
in a roasted garlic marinara sauce.
Yeah, take me on a trip.
Now, diving further into its Italian roots.
Fizzolis has Italian roots?
It's a really, really, really wild way
to start a sentence about fizzolis.
And it just keeps getting wild.
They're diving further into its Italian roots.
Fizzolis has whipped up another mouthwatering dessert with its long time partner.
The cheesecake factory bakery.
I didn't know they were dating.
It's Italian cream cake.
They're getting into their Italian roots by buying an Italian cream cake from
Cheesecake Factory.
Yeah, that's how I feel like there's a lot of people that are just kind of, you know,
on the fence there trying to get their Italian Roots or buy an Italian cream cake.
I wouldn't be surprised to find out that how this works
is they drive, like five o'clock, everything opens,
well, somebody from Fazzoli's drives over
to a cheesecake factory buys a cheesecake
at like market value, brings it back,
and then sells it for like 25 cents more a slice
and then just like marking it out.
There's no partnership here.
There's no partnership.
What they're saying is Cheesecake Factory
agreed to not rip us off so we could rip you off instead.
Thank you.
Enjoy the cake.
Fizzoli's-
What would Cheesecake Factory be getting from Fizzoli's
besides money?
And like Fizzoli's goes in like,
and you let us sell your cheesecake
and we'll let you sell whatever you want.
We're good.
It's probably just money though, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, you know that most of the time
when something like this happens,
it's not like the NFL draft where they're like,
oh, from Cheesecake Factory, we get cream sweets
and Cheesecake Factory gets baked ziti.
Yeah, but if I went to McDonald's and bought a hamburger,
I wouldn't say I'm in a partnership with McDonald's.
I wanna say something about that.
If you then sold that hamburger to someone else,
I would say you are absolutely
in a business partnership with McDonald's.
No, I wanna talk about this partnership for a second
because something that just occurred to me
that has made me, okay, hold on, wait.
First, let me finish this quote and I'm gonna come back.
This is from Tisha Bartlett,
the vice president of marketing at Fizzoli's.
At Fizzoli's, our passion is for hearty,
value-packed dishes that'll leave you wanting seconds.
I've eaten at Fizzoli's many times
and never has the thought occurred to me
after I finished eating fizzoles.
Boy, you know what would go down right now, real smooth.
More food from fizzoles.
Now, this is the one, the point I wanna make
about fizzoles and Cheesecake Factory.
Fizzoles is like, we've got this special partnership
where we're buying Italian cream cake
from Cheesecake Factory, and then you can buy that here.
Cool.
Guarantee Cheesecake Factory and then you can buy that here cool guarantee
Cheesecake Factory does not have a
Reciprocal item on their menu. This is there is no way guys that Cheesecake Factory one thing
I just think it's sad. It's a one way
it's a one-way thing and
Every time they come pick up a cake they just leave a basket of breadsticks on the counter.
If you want one, they're free.
If you want one.
They're free, guys.
They're free.
Yeah, we get that.
Yeah, you can use it to stir your coffee.
Just get them out of here.
I don't care.
It's so embarrassing.
We're getting a lot of ratatouille's in here.
If you would take the breadsticks with you, please.
You guys are talking about business deals like they are a hostage exchange
that is taking place between Fizzoli's and the Cheesecake Factory.
Mm-hmm.
No, I'm saying it's sad that Fizzoli's has to get in touch with its Italian
roots by buying cake from Cheesecake Factory. And Cheesecake Factory can't even give them the fucking
dignity of saying like our baked ziti is made,
the wizards, you know, our Pizzanos over at Fizzoli's
made us this special, you know, Italian thing.
And it's direct from their recipe that there's no way.
It's sad, it makes me sad.
Cheesecake Factory is the big brother beating the bosses from their recipe that there's no way. It's sad, it makes me sad.
Cheesecake Factory is the big brother beating the bosses
for Fizzolis playing a video game,
and the Fizzolis is gonna be like,
and we beat it together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just so sad.
It's so sad.
Fizzolis, Fizzolis to get you to come there
has to say,
we don't worry, we got food from a better restaurant.
We didn't make it, we didn't make it.
Don't worry.
We didn't make it.
We didn't make it.
We went to a better place.
So if you don't know where to get Cheesecake Factory.
You know how this market is too small
to support a Cheesecake Factory.
We're half a mile closer to you than Cheesecake Factory is. Save yourself some time.
Guys, there's no Cheesecake Factory in Huntington. This is my shot at the big time.
What time is it?
We're thinking it. Hold on.
I want to be able to just sit and pretend for a second that I'm in a cheesecake factory.
This is where we set up just one cheesecake factory booth
in the back corner facility.
It's just in the door.
The usual table, Mr. McElroy.
Yes.
I go in before and I give them $100
to say welcome to cheesecake factory.
Yeah.
Then I come in.
You've printed out name tags that say cheesecake factory and they have to reverse whenever they Cheesecake Factory. They're like, come in. You've printed out name tags that say Cheesecake Factory
and they have to reverse whenever they come to you.
And I'll usually go through a few menu items like,
I'll have the steak Alfredo.
They're like, we don't have that today.
So it's so that one.
Maybe I'll just have the-
Southwest Egg Rolls?
Half, Southwest Egg Rolls, no. Maybe I'll just have the uh... Sout-flavored egg rolls? Half uh... Sout-flavored egg rolls? No?
Mmm. Maybe uh...
Half bowl of dry spaghetti and cold slice of pizza please.
And of course...
My beloved...
The usual?
The usual.
Sad. I'm just saying Cheesecake Factory realized that.
Do my favor.
Do you want me to make your cheesecakes for you, Cheesecake?
Like I... Fozoli's, I'll come teach you me to make your cheesecakes for each of you.
Like I get, Fazzoli's I'll come teach you how to make a cheesecake.
You just.
What sucks is that there's a place called the macaroni grill.
There's a place called Carabas.
Either one of these would have honestly, if they had said they got it from Olive Garden,
any three of those would have trucked more weight with me
in terms of getting in touch with their Italian roots.
Like, Fazzoli's obviously isn't Italian,
but I think it's about right that Fazzoli's is like,
no, but we know some Italian restaurants.
Like we do know, we know of.
They're like cousin in the bear, you know?
He hangs out with a lot of Italians.
Right, yes, exactly.
Fazzoli's is the cousin. Yeah, it's hangs out with a lot of Italians. Right, yes, exactly. Faisoli says the cousin.
Yeah, it's cousin.
Don't worry about it.
He's the cousin Richie of Italian Dining.
I know, Faisoli says the fact.
But.
But.
But.
But.
Thanks so much for hanging out with us today.
We hope you have enjoyed yourselves.
My kids are snowed in and I very much have enjoyed.
They're headwards.
This opportunity. What? Oh, shit. Your kids are everywhere snowing. I very much enjoyed their Edward's opportunity. What oh shit
Yeah, I left him in the car. I gotta go dig them out. I gotta go dig them out. Oh, no Travis was making an Edward Snowden chip. Oh
My kids are snowed in yeah, okay. Yes
Listen big news the severing game graphic novel is now available for pre-order fuck. Yes. Yeah
The Severing Game graphic novel is now available for pre-order. What?
Yeah.
Read.McMillan.com slash The Adventures of.
We'll have a better, we'll have a better link than that.
But we'll, I'm sure, post it on Instagram
to make sure you're following Macro and Family on Instagram.
We'll have the link there.
Also want you to know, not too long now,
I'm gonna be at SketchFest Sunday, February 4th, 7pm during a show featuring Eugene Cordero,
Erica Eche, Aaron Keefe, Danny Fernandez, Connor Radliff, and unfortunately Ron Funches
isn't able to make it, but Griffin Newman is not going to play with us.
Oh, wow.
It's going to be a real, it's going to be a show.
Yeah, it's going to be a wonderful show.
7pm on February 4th, you can get your tickets at the Sketchfest website,
and make sure if you haven't already,
go check out macrowermerch.com for all the cool merch.
All the cool merch, you heard it here first.
Thanks to Montaigne for the use of Rithume Song.
My life is better with you.
I keep Montaigne on my Nickelodeon spin and that wax 24-7.
I keep Montaigne on my emergency contact list.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, just they're there for me when they appreciate that.
Yeah, wow.
I have this idea, by the way, for live shows.
There should be a moment where we have fungalore come out
and just let the audience scream their wishes at him.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah. That's good.
But right now, instead of that, how about we just do like a silent wish to Funkalore?
I think it's a great idea.
Okay, begin.
And if your wish was longer than that, you need to really evaluate.
How slow your illness.
Yeah.
Your greediness level.
He's a, he's a busy guy.
My are busy being being I don't know
Busy we don't know what fun glorious Scott happening. I just meant like in his body is he of his of our I don't want to like say
He's a human being
Yeah, sure. No, he's definitely not a human being Justin. No, no, no, my name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy
I'm Griffin McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy.
This has been my brother, my brother, me.
Because it's feels so weird.
We got it. I don't know.
It only feels weird to you because you're a weird person.
It feels normal to us.
I choose. Let me tell you,
I've been listened to a lot of podcasts lately,
and there's a lot of them that just leave the silences
and call it content in the show.
You're sure? Yeah.
Yeah. A lot of these, a lot of the big ones are doing that.
They added it in sometimes in the middle of a.
I'm sorry that gave myself the yips and like I chickened out on it.
So can we try it again?
Just like, okay.
And finally, everyone, please make your wishes to fungal or.
Now, if you really did it, that was two wishes
and you fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book.
I can't fucking believe I can't believe you did it twice
That's sick. My name is Justin McElroy. To be fair the tagline is you heard your wish singular. Yeah
Yeah, you have to pick now. We're gonna tell you what we'll give you a third chance here tell fungalore which of the two wishes
You want actually okay? You ready? You ready? Go your darling
You didn't actually say anything did you you can't bother fungal or three times in one podcast?
What's wrong with you? My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I guess McElroy
This is my brother my brother because your dad's square on the lips
It's better with you