My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 696: Robo Wants an Oreo
Episode Date: January 29, 2024We're getting our pitch together for billionaire Cube Markan and his friend Bald Randy. We have so many good business ideas we don't even know where to start: Ask me A Brother, Robert Cop, shopping ma...ll snacks. Once we get in with Cube we'll chuck some ducats and make some buckets! Suggested talking points: Hot Dead Famous People, Burner Brothers, Foot-Long Cookie Paddles, TravWife World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/
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The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.
Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.
What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful
A small acquaintance has blossomed
It's wrapped into a precious friendship
I could have never seen what was coming for me
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
My life, it feels like Life! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah with two. My legs are, it's better with you.
Hello everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and me.
It's an advice show for the modern.
Whoa.
It came out so, it came out so weird.
What the fuck?
It's so weird.
Let me try again.
No, I don't think you get to, I don't think we should try again.
I think we should embrace.
I've said Modrin from the beginning.
Yeah.
It's weird to hear it any other way.
But what's great is you didn't even say modern right.
You said it in some sort of weird half measure between modern and Modrin.
It's weird that I don't make it further into the show than this before I start getting
a little bit of the old razzle that's all from your teller.
Yes, sure.
It's an advice show for the Modgernera. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
Hi, what's up, Trav Nation? I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and here comes the king down from his throne.
Woof woof, it's me, you went up, Trav Nation. It's your middle-is-brother, big dog, Travis, Wolf Wolf McElroy, Wolf Wolf.
Travis makes me and Justin carry him around
during the podcast in a big golden bathtub.
Correct.
And it's so heavy, like I wish he'd let us
use a lighter vehicle.
It's a prescription golden bathtub, Griffin.
It's a prescription one for his duff and his legs.
Yeah, it keeps my duff sparkly.
Hey, I've got a new segment that I wanna try out.
Justin, I need you to grab like a piece of paper
and something to write with.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
Fucking, any 43 years before this moment,
you could have told me I needed a pen.
Well, I know, but you're in an office.
We're professional.
Do I need any props, Trav?
No, you don't, Griffin.
I can get something if you want.
No, only your brain.
Travis texted us at 7.30 in the morning about this new game.
So it better be good.
I've been developing it for about six days though.
Oh wow, okay, yeah, that's how long I think
Milton Bradley worked on Monopoly.
Yeah, it's been in the R&D, we've been bouncing around,
I did some focus groups.
Yes, yes.
Wow, the paper and pen room sure is further
from the recording audio room,
and Justin's not set up with that.
I know where his recording setup is like adjacent
to his office.
Yeah, so like where's the pins and papers being kept,
if not office?
Because that's, I mean, they sell it at Office Max.
A note sap on the phone probably would have sufficed to use it.
Yeah, what are we, too?
Yeah, Frankler.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, when he gets back, you say like,
actually you don't need it, you don't need a bit of it.
Okay, yeah.
It's like a funny prank.
And the listeners can like be a part of it.
Yeah, I'll tell him.
Yeah.
Boy, he sure has been.
Oh my God, I hope he's okay.
What if he was rushing and he slipped on the stairs? What if he, oh, God, I hope he's okay. What if he was actually slipped on the stairs?
What if he, oh, no, I can hear him coming.
He's a big cough.
Do you think he's winded from that?
How do you do the prank?
Justin, you can just use your like,
notes app on your phone.
You don't really need the pen and paper.
Yeah, if you want it. I'm ready.
I've got it.
Actually, can you go put the pen and paper. Yeah, if you want it. I'm ready. I've got it. Actually, can you go put the pen and paper back?
No, no, don't you do.
You should use it, actually.
OK, I'll pick it back up.
We're pulling this puppet strings today, baby.
He does have a set of ones on now.
I sure do.
Are you ready, Justin?
I don't know.
Great.
You tell me.
Do I have all my props?
How well do you know him? Well, it's time to show him. You'll have so much fun on
Ask me a brother one. Hello and welcome to ask me a brother one
the only
podcast game show in which I
Test to see how well two MacRoy brothers know each other this week our guests are
Griffin game Griffin am I saying that correctly?
It's actually Griffin. I'll everybody Justin everybody's getting it wrong Griffin and Justin macro right now
How long have you two know each other?
30
God who knows 30 some odd years who knows how old sorry sorry sorry sorry this important who knows how I am I years. Who knows how old? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. This is important. Who knows how old I am?
I'm gonna do a stone cold 37. No
36. Yes
So it sounds like you two know each other pretty well. Well, this is a bad start. I'll go yeah, not great
But okay, so this is an asymmetrical game show
Great, but okay, so this is an asymmetrical game show.
I'm going to have Justin answer the questions secretly. It's the newly wedged game, just say newly wedged game.
No, it's a little bit different than that.
Call ask me a brother one.
It's called ask me a brother one.
Justin, number, write down or whatever you're using,
the numbers one through four.
Okay.
And then you're going to write your answers next to them
silently, do not answer out loud. Okay. four. Okay. And then you're going to write your answers next to them silently.
Okay.
Do not answer out loud.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
First, and this this week's category is historical figures.
Oh, which for our purposes means they have to have been deceased for at least 30 years.
Okay.
Prior to that.
Okay.
Okay.
Wow.
So this is not going to be so much information about Justin
Justin number one a historical figure that has had a huge impact on your life
Don't say it out loud. Just write it down start dead for over 30 years. Yes
Okay, it doesn't have to be the one that's the most impact on your life Right, we do write that or else how the what the fuck else am I basing my guess on if it's not the most important historical figure on your whole life juice
The whole life whole journey your whole journey. I know what the answer is and not family not family
I know what the correct answer is the question is does Justin? Yes, does just is Justin going to get the question about himself right enough?
All right. Okay.
Okay.
Second question.
Wait, I don't answer.
We don't do the questions.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Second question.
A historical figure that someone would be surprised to find out you think is hot.
That I think is hot?
Correct.
Historical figure dead more than 30 years, surprised.
You're wanting me to think of like hot, dead, famous people? Correct. A historical figure dead more than 30 years, surprised.
You're wanting me to think of like hot, dead, famous people?
What is this?
It doesn't even have to be famous though, right?
It could just be like.
Historical figure.
A hot person who died three decades ago.
What is that, 92, 94, 94, pre-94, okay.
Okay, number three.
A historical figure that you think is overrated.
Ooh, I think I got this one.
Whoa.
All right, hold on, wait, I'll get there.
I don't know how to answer this one.
Juice, text me what you're gonna write down for this one.
No, no, no, no, hold on.
Take the answer for that. Historical figure no, no, hold on. Take the answer.
You're going to...
Historical figure that I think is overrated.
Correct.
Okay.
Um...
Um...
Oh, okay.
I got it.
And finally, a historical figure that you think you could take in a fight.
Oh, boy.
Um... Yeah. could take in a fight. Oh boy. Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Let me know when you have them all written down.
The prestige for this game.
Now Justin, I want you to.
Checking a spelling, sorry,
just checking a spelling real quick.
Okay.
Okay, got it.
Now Justin, I want you to mix up the order in your head
and read them out loud in a mixed up order and Griffin, you are going to assign those
names. Cool. Got it. To the correct categories. Great. Got it. Okay. You can do this. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Justin, read them out in a mixed up order in a mixed up order
Chris Columbus which I'm realizing I should have written Christopher because he was the explorer one not that right there We can be casual Christopher Columbus
James Buchanan
Charles Dickens
James to so
Who was the last one James to so. Who was the last one? James to so French.
French painter James to so.
All right. Yeah.
Which is the historical figure
that has had the biggest impact on Justin MacRoy's life?
Most important.
I don't think it's any of the first three.
I'm going to say James to so for that one
No incorrect fuck. Okay. Wait. I wrote Jesus Christ I thought juices gonna say Jesus Christ on that one because if you tell me that there was another figure that have more impact on more
Your life than our Lord Jesus Christ now. He had a big impact, but that's like so obvious
Don't give the answer yet Justin don't give the answer yet surprisingly sexy. Yes
Charles Dickens.
Incorrect.
Okay.
Griffin.
Have you seen Charles Dickens?
Because I literally haven't once in my life.
I have no idea what this is for.
Oh, for two.
What do you imagine about that, I can imagine?
Now Griffin, which historical figure is ever rated?
I take back what I said about Charles Dickens.
I just saw a photo of him.
His thesis is so wild.
And I don't want to like shame him in any way because I guess I
important historical figure.
But it's not the it's not as sexy as I thought we were going to be working with here.
Okay, but which one's overrated?
Overrated.
Overrated?
Krista for Columbus. There you go. Okay, but which one's overrated? Overrated. Overrated?
Christa for Columbus.
There you go.
OK, that's one.
Yeah, that's that's a nice, nice one.
That's a floater right over the plate.
All right.
And finally, which one could Justin take in a fight?
Charles Dickens.
No, maybe.
But no, no, he was pretty stuck.
I think Charles Dickens was a scrapper.
Can I guess I'm going to guess biggest impact Charles Dickens.
Correct.
Surprisingly hot.
James Buchanan.
Incorrect.
Was that was that the two so one?
Yeah, James is so.
And you think you could take James is so you could take James Buchanan a fight.
Yeah, it looks just kind of reedy.
Okay, let me look.
Hold on.
I'm going to have to look up James Buchanan. You can and now I got to show you guys this
I just ran across this self-portrait of James to so recently and I was like dang
That's a hot dude, man. I'd love to look like that dude. I just shared the picture with you guys in the in the riverside
Let's see. Oh, okay. Yeah
Yeah
Damn bedroom eyes?
Oh, boyzy!
All right.
Yeah, all right.
I get that.
So, Griffin, I don't think you know Justin at all.
It sounds like you don't know me at all, Griffin.
Um, no, I mean, I got my, I, that whole time was writing the correct answers for each of
those things.
No, Justin, Griffin, what answers did you think Justin would say?
I had Jesus cry, in order, Jesus Christ, Princess Diana, Loves Presley, Gandhi.
And then Justin went with a bunch of really obscure shit.
And I went with a bunch of actually famous historical people.
Why Travis from a game to the other perspective?
Why did I write those down but Griffin didn't?
Because it seems like we could just do Griffin now.
Oh, I said, do you want to- It's asymmetrical, Justin.
No, but I mean, why wasn't he doing it too?
That's what I'm saying.
My answers that should be clear are totally different, right?
Like I wouldn't say that, you know, I find Princess Diana surprisingly sexy
or that I could be a condi.
Well, no, that's not, also can I just say, that's not a surprise.
That's not a surprise.
Right, if you were like, I'm just gonna say it guys,
I know you're gonna argue with me.
I think Princess Diana was attractive.
People were like, yeah, man, what are you fucking talking about?
Yeah, you were looking for the deep holes there.
I don't think, I mean, I don't think so.
Okay.
Huh.
There it is.
Surprising and unsexy would be a better...
Yeah.
I don't get it.
More than...
So you would say, Griffin would say, Princess Diana was overrated.
It's what I'm hearing.
Both of my brothers just did the,
I'm getting into this now,
push up on their chair arms.
To readjust their butt positioning
to get ready to really lay into somebody.
Lady Di Duchess of Wales
could have been all four of my answers.
It's all that I'm saying.
Yeah.
Someone can have an important impact on your life
and you think that they are overrated.
And just, what does that say about you?
It seems to me you're playing this game
like a candle in the wind
and you never know who to cling to
when the questions come in.
That's a good point.
That's a really good point.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm gonna do some retooling on this game
before the next time.
And thank God.
Yeah, we'll put it back in the workshop.
Yeah, it's gonna be like all categories to which princess die could be the answer.
We'll see we'll see components of this game after Travis melts it down for scrap in other future games.
You'll see a part and you'll be like, oh, ask me a brother one.
I remember that.
Sometimes I wish you had burner brothers sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
Test out some of this stuff
and then when it gets to like,
now this is ready for the big show, my real brother.
I have bad news for you guys.
You are the burner brothers.
And then after I do this, I take it to Ask Hank and John.
And then, hey, my real brothers,
you can test it over there.
Okay.
I bet they're really good.
I bet they would get every interest in this race.
They know each other so well
and their answers are funny and intelligent
at the same time, but they don't make you feel stupid.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh my God, they're that cool.
That's huge.
And they both smell so good.
Actually, not like you're crying.
I'll decide what makes me feel stupid.
Thank you very much.
You're right, I'm sorry.
That's a surprisingly long list.
Justin, what's something that makes Griffin feel stupid? No, this is an advice show. This is an
advice show. I'm taking the reins from my brother and we're going to help you, the people, the people
of the world. That's what we do this for. We're like the President Diana podcasting. We're podcasting.
We're the people's podcasters.
Yeah, everyone who doesn't listen is a failure for us
because our mission is global.
Our reach is limited.
Our dreams are infinite.
I've been invited to be the announcer for my younger brother's
special needs little league baseball group this year.
I have a background in performance
and it sounds like it would be an excellent experience for me in the long run.
So of course I said yes. The problem is beyond just announcing names and play by play commentary.
I want to make the event memorable and fun for the kids and the families attending.
What are some things I can do as the announcer to keep things fun and interesting?
That's from sincerely baseball babbler in Beaverton.
Okay, I've done this job before.
You have?
Yes, for the Little league below little league.
The little league. The little league. Yeah. The little league. I think some people call it pop
water. I, you know, I was always at the ball orchard, as I called it. Yeah. I was always in the field.
Yeah. You couldn't get me. Picking them white apples. Yeah, yeah.
You couldn't get me out.
So it was always on the game.
Just would be commentating on the game and it would be like,
next up to bat,
oh, it's me, be right back.
And then he would run down, slam a dinger.
Slam a dinger right into the concession state.
Just run back up to the booth, call his own home run.
Yeah, amazing.
This is the same time period at which I was playing catcher for my team.
And one of the parents thought I wasn't coming back fast enough after one of the innings.
And she yelled, get the let out Robocop at me.
It's a good, it's a good.
From the stand.
I'm just saying like as, I know I told that on the podcast before but...
As heckling goes, that's almost like,
I mean, Robot Cop is cool though.
Like, yeah.
Did you just say Robot Cop?
He did. That's his full name.
I don't know him well enough to call him by his nickname.
I call him by his full name, Roberto Cop.
This is Robert Cop.
This is now the fucking inception of Bits.
We're gonna eat several kicks to get back to the question.
That's fine, that's fine,
because I just wanna talk about Robert Copp.
He's-
He's a cop.
Please.
Mr. Copp was my father.
Greg Jarrison was a cop until he got blown up
and they had to recreate him in the lab.
And now he's Robert.
I think it's better if he wasn't a cop at first.
If it was like he was a dog walker,
but now he's a robot and all the dogs are freaked out.
And we're like, we did put a lot of cop shit
into your robot body.
So maybe you wanna just follow that.
I have to go to Academy.
And then it's just, oh, we combined Robocop.
Yes!
Robert Cop.
Man, I was almost started talking about Robocop and Oreos and I decided to leave it to leave it where it was because I don't
Did I do you guys know about that? Hey listen as long as we're talking about Robocop. Can you guys give me one minute your time?
Yeah, sure. Can I have one minute of your time? I promise it'll be worth it
Yeah, I have I'm need one moment of your time. I'm going to show you a brief one minute long clip and I'll just send this to Rachel later
so she can edit the audio in because guys it's good.
There's a night was carrying this is from Oh sorry.
This is a special effects artist who was working on the film Robocop with Peter Weller.
Okay.
From the special features, the actual
ass special features.
There's a night he was carrying, I don't know, about eight Oreos in a, you know, stack. I'd
hand him his weapon. I'd say, Peter, safety's off. And he wouldn't take the pistol. And he says,
Robo wants an Oreo. I looked at him and he said, no, it's just you and I, Peter. Robo doesn't get an aria. Peter wants an aria. Peter can have an aria.
They clip clops in the suit over to the edge of the railing and Peter starts bellowing.
Robo wants an aria. And when the steel mill just echoes, Randy has arias. Robo wants an aria.
And Steve Lim over the radio goes, Randy, do you have Oreos?
He says, I've got that whole stack in my mouth.
And then I just didn't let him fall down.
Three stories on to everybody below me,
and I'm like, not anymore.
And Robo got upset.
I haven't got a damn clue about Randy Moore
and his fucking Oreo.
That's really good.
Robo wants an Oreo.
Robo does want an Oreo.
So what Randy Moore was positing there was that he was like,
no, no, no, it's just you and I.
I'm not giving you an Oreo if you call yourself robo.
You have to say it.
You don't get one.
Peter can have an Oreo.
You have to say Peter wants an Oreo.
Yeah.
Um.
And it's also this guy absolutely with toe to toe with RoboCop.
And this is exactly a RoboCop move.
RoboCop would be the one to shove the Oreos down his throat so the perp couldn't have
him.
He like, he stared him right down.
He beat him.
He beat Robocop.
Peter, I would also challenge you what Robo would do with an Oreo.
Like chew it up and then get it in his servos and gears and pistons.
No, probably not that.
No thank you.
Well, the other thing I do want to point out,
at the end of the clip there,
you heard Peter Weller denying this entire story,
which is an incredible testament
to the malleable power of memory.
Because if I'm Randy Moore,
that's the wildest day I've ever experienced.
Yeah, all your life.
And everyone on the crew was like,
oh yeah, the Oreo thing? yeah, we were all there.
This is a regular day for Peter Weller.
Well, of course he doesn't remember.
Of course he doesn't remember.
He wasn't Peter at the time.
He was Robo.
Those are Robo's memories.
He left those behind when he stopped being Robocop.
So of course Peter doesn't remember.
No.
When that other guy took over as Robocop, he was immediately like,
why am I so mad at Randy War and why don't I want Oreo?
So bad, but not like want one like I'm hungry, but like I want one like it's a
vendetta.
I want one like it's a burden.
I have found that it's pretty foolproof these days.
If you want to get a crowd hype, yeah, you drop baby shark on them.
Okay. I feel like if you just start a baby shark round going everybody's gonna
get into it they all know the movements everybody's been around kids enough it's
pretty good track yeah I think just like bust baby shark out that would be my if
you have a PA we can like play it that's ideal but like you can I'm trying to
think of how you do it with just your mouth
You could come up with some like a baseball feet like hit the ball
Yeah, like feel the catch and then run away dude run away still works. Yeah, they say fat
Last say fat last last dude dude. That one's's good too. Yeah, there's a lot of baby first stuff.
You could also like make up a lot of lore
about each player's like time in the big leagues
before like, you know, time and age
had wear and tear on their knees and stuff.
And now they're back in the little leagues
and talk about it, you know, like, oh yeah, they used to be,
they were bad and, you know, a four, four to five
back in the majors, but then they slid in a home, ripped the car,
legged straight out of their knees.
It is weird that it goes up, but not back down.
Yeah.
I never really thought about it before, but like the idea is you can't
hang with the adults until you're an adult, right?
Yeah.
And eventually you're an adult for so long that you're like,
you now cannot hang with the adults.
But I feel like if you take a 65 year old, year old former pro ball player put him in the little leagues
He's still gonna be able to like hang like he could he could hang in there
He's coming in yours straight out of that baseball orchard
He was about yeah the opposite I think
It's what little big no sorry big little league was Big League. Baseball is objectively the boringest sport, but they have solved one thing which is this.
Of America.
Of American sports.
You know there's more boring sports out there, right?
Yeah, absolutely globally.
Like chess is considered a sport by a midget.
You and I tried to learn cricket for a month.
Do you remember this Griffin when we tried to learn cricket for a video?
People seem to really enjoy cricket once you like understand what the three bats, what the three shells.
They were people who enjoyed baseball as well, Griffin. You know that, right?
Yeah, the end of the year gets into it. Yeah, people like lots of boring stuff.
Anyway. Baseball is not boring. You guys are idiots.
Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I yelled at you guys.
The bit. I'm so sorry. I don't think I know you.
Okay. Sorry, Slug guys. The bit. And I'm so sorry. I don't think I know you. Okay, sorry, Slugger, calm down.
Okay, I'm kind of a baseballman.
That's incorrect, that's not true.
I was in a shitty minor league for seven years
and I was bad at it the whole time,
but damn it, I stuck to it.
Cause Macaroys never quit.
The baseball's boring, but they have solved one thing,
which is that walkout music is great,
and they get to pick their own walkout music.
It democratizes a lot of this hype up process.
And that is the only, sometimes I think,
what it would be great to play baseball,
so I would get to pick my own walkup music.
Cause I imagine that is a really fun decision to make.
You could do that in wrestling too though.
I mean, you could do it all the time.
We have phones in our pockets. We have phones in our pockets that have speakers in them.
We could, you could walk into any room with walkout music going. Yeah. No, for sure, but like
not, yeah, but it's not playing over the speakers. It's not like the crowd has to be wanting it.
Oh, I see. You know what I mean? The crowd has to want it and need it. Have we talked about what arts would be before?
Mine would be we belong by Pat Benatar
That would be cool for baseball or any like any particularly any literally any moment of any day
They have that slow build come in. Yeah, and he would have to be pretty patient
the the the um, I
Feel like a lot of people like to get a crowd
Excited by asking them who came the farthest seems to be something that people do to kind of get on the good side of the crowd
asking who came the farthest or like
who
You know like they used to in church on Mother's Day
They'd say like who has the most kids and then they give them like a
Mellon's get or something. Yeah.
I don't think they ask people to travel to far
this much at local Little League games.
Probably not.
And certainly not.
And certainly not in the walk-up.
I came six blocks.
Oh, I only came five blocks.
Now, now, Justin has introduced an interesting idea
here, which is if your walk-up music was like
10 to 15 seconds of pre-recorded crowd work.
You walk up to the mound and you just hear Justin's voice
saying like, hope everyone's having a great time tonight.
Who's ready to see me really slammo a ding or
who here came the furthest tonight?
And then it would cut off because it's like clearly
it's right at the-
Don't forget the hot dogs.
Yeah.
So the person goes before you, Darude Sandstorm,
before that is fucking Baby Shark.
And then you walk out to your own voice saying like,
what's up everyone?
It's me, Justin McElroy.
Guess what?
Eyes up.
That's the air raid siren,
cause I'm about to slam a ding a right
into the left or middle field.
Oh shit, I forgot my bat.
Hold on, I gotta go back real quick.
Shit, where's my bat?
I can't find it.
Doug, if you see my bat anywhere, I'll use yours.
If memory serves, no one actually asked me to do it.
I just said, like, I will do it and no one stopped me.
So I went up there and I realized pretty quick that I don't know anything to say.
About baseball?
Yeah.
So the two times I did do it, most of my time was spent hyping up the concession stand.
Oh, yeah.
Like, I feel like that's something I could do that has a palpable impact on the team.
It's a longer view.
Yeah.
It's not going to help them right now, but some of those money will help the money trickle.
Yeah.
And pads.
So it would be don't forget to get like a delicious.
I saw that some of the hot dogs.
Yeah.
They're looking really good.
Yeah.
There's fun dip down there. Yeah. Tracy just Tracy just took another batch of dogs out and they're right there.
Fucking Tracy, how the dogs give me a thumbs up.
She says dogs are good.
She's just open a box of those gum balls that have like the printed on stitching
that I think they only sell at literally.
And yeah, for sure.
Can I ask you guys another question or I could provide some wisdom from the cloud? If that's whichever. at little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little the etiquette coach. And it's a good one.
It's how to contact Mark Cuban.
Contacting Mark Cuban is relatively straightforward
as he has an active business email
in many social media accounts.
The notably successful investor can be reached
for business inquiries or fan comments
through either of these methods.
Business pitches and investment related matters
should be sent to his email
and fan paste messages should be sent on social media.
Fair warning though.
He's an extremely busy person.
So you might not get a response, but that shouldn't stop you from contacting him.
You might get lucky.
Yeah, that's true.
You might get lucky.
You might be able to get a hold of Mark Cuban.
I'll say this.
If you don't reach out to Mark Cuban, you definitely won't hear from Mark Cuban.
That's true.
You miss a hundred percent of the Mark Cubans that you don't email.
How could get Cuban reaching out to you, though?
That's not impossible.
Cuban might think I got a project that's a good fit for the J-Man.
I got to reach out to him.
I want to point something out fees if we are a Mark Cuban. I just looked something out, fees-a-fee, re-re Mark Cuban.
I just looked it up, because I was like,
how rich is Mark Cuban?
Right?
He's a billionaire.
If you guys had to guess, can you put a number on it?
Yeah, $4 billion. How rich he is?
Yeah. How much?
I would say $4 billion.
$4 billion?
That seems like a lot.
I'm gonna say-
$3 billion.
I'm gonna say $450 million. Oh, he's definitely the only shark who's a lot. I'm gonna say $3 billion. I'm gonna say
$450 million. Oh
Definitely the only shark is a billionaire. Yeah, so as of November
2023 Investopedia says six point two billion. Okay, I'm pretty good. But here's the thing. Yeah
He made five point six billion selling broadcast calmcom to Yahoo before the dot-com bubble burst.
Since then.
It's not that impressive, because I could have done that.
Since then.
You did it one time.
That means he's only made another like 0.6 billion.
That's a really good point, Travis. Thank you.
So one time.
He's, you know, he's struggling, you know?
I'm just saying, I don't know if he's the guy
I'm going to for advice.
Right.
He's like, he had that one thing.
Hey, hey, Mark, why aren't you hoarding wealth like a dragon?
Why aren't you sitting on big pile of coins
and hoarding as much capital as possible?
Only four bill, Mark?
Only six bill
Scrape those doubloons in man. Keep yourself a big one. Go on Smog
So a big pile of coins
I think if mark Cuban found out my
Points per game and my free throw percentage
I would get some inquiries to join the Dallas Mavericks and And then I wouldn't have to do any of the legwork. Make Mark Cuban a country to you.
That's the power move.
That's the power move, go on Shark Tank, walk out.
Don't say fucking anything.
Just stand there and wait for Mark Cuban to talk first.
That means you're in the power position.
Anyway.
I would contact Mark Cuban to be like,
how was your time on Entourage?
And then also a follow up to another thing I just learned,
which is according to Mark Cuban,
Entourage helped him land Shark Tank.
Wow, okay, there's a story there for sure.
I bet that 6 billion didn't hurt.
Yeah, that probably was part of it.
Cause I don't think they auditioned to be on Shark Tank, right?
They were like, yeah, you know what?
We'll give you 6.2 billion dollars.
That was a good audition, come on Shark Tank, right? We were like, yeah, you know what? We'll give you $6.2 billion. That was a good audition.
Come on, Shark Tank.
Imagine him walking into the back room
with a script sort of nervously rolled up in his hand,
like, hi, I'm Mark Cuban.
Hi, hi.
Today I'll be reading the-
I'm the Cube Markin.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
Today I'll be reading the role of-
I'm the Cube Markin.
I'm reading for the role of Bald Randy.
The shark. The shark, Bald Randy. one you're a shark your shark eyes were the name prepared 16 bars of a song
It's one of the sharks and shark tank bald and named Randy. I feel like there is a Randy
But I don't remember if you're a handy shark
Do you brandy shark?
Are you thinking of Kevin O'Leary?
Kevin O'Leary, I'm thinking of him.
Yeah.
To be fair, he's Kevin Randy O'Leary.
I will say though, he's Canadian and Kevin does convert to Randy.
Yeah, sure.
There's a conversion there.
It's a metrics and period of reference.
Yeah, metrics, yeah. Randy is, Randy is metric Kevin. There's a conversion. It's the metrics and
Randy is Randy is
Kevin you should see him on Canadian dragons did he comes out and he's like what's everybody
He comes out all cool on that show he's got like big sunglasses
spread my de blu
Ready to chuck some duck humans Cubans not here overshadowing me. Chuck some duckets and make some buckets.
This is great.
Alright, email Mark Cuban. Use one of Mark Cuban's public email addresses.
Apparently he has several of them.
I personally feel very uncomfortable with the idea of reading one of these aloud.
Let's not read. Let's not.
No, let's make one up.
I'm going to go with Cuban man, which at Yahoo.com.
I'm going to just Google email Mark Cuban to see how easy it is
to actually find Mark Cuban's email address.
In my head, I was like, you know, it would be fun.
We should have like a race, a contest to see who can get
a response from Mark Cuban first.
But. You know, you tell me the next 10 words of that bit.
I'll drop out of this race right now.
Get him to invest in my brother and my brother in me.
I don't want any of this fucking money.
Oh, maybe he's the guy that's gonna take,
ask me a brother one to TV.
Yes.
He's gonna, he's gonna angel invest and ask me a brother one.
Yes, for sure. Hey, Mark Cuban, could you bring back CISO?
Do you have that in your power?
Mark Cuban, Mark Cuban, listen,
it would not be that hard, I bet, Mark, anyway.
Provided direct subject line,
Mark Cuban gets hundreds of emails a day.
If you want to get his attention,
use a direct but attention grabbing subject line.
One person who successfully contacted him wrote,
wanna disrupt the insurance industry?
That feels apocryphal.
I don't know what-
I get fucking four emails like that a day and I'm me.
Yeah.
I was like, there's no-
Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Ready to make $60,000 today?
Like, yeah, I mean, that's a good subject line.
I gotta admit it.
Make sure your subject line tells Cuban
what your business proposition or question is about.
Try things like question about tech investment
or proposal for social media business venture.
Okay?
Cool, man.
Or I've taken something from you.
Hi, Mark Cuban.
I've taken something very valuable for you.
And do you want it back?
Hit me up.
Do you want to disrupt the insurance industry
and get back the important thing that Mark, Mark, it's-
Mark, you, it will be missed.
Mark, strike the correct tone.
Keep in mind you're writing-
I've taken Kevin O'Leary.
I've taken Randy from you. Wait, who's Randy?
If you ever want to see if you want to see Randy O'Kevin
ever again in your life, disrupt this fucking market with me.
He's calling you Randy O'Kevin, he must be on the other side of the border. Legally he has to call him Randy.
Mark Cuban, manhunter. Cube Markin.
Relitless. Cube markin relentless
Cube markin is my stage. Yeah. Yeah
Me and Liam need to team up and yeah, I am fun in the whole thing. Yes. Thank you so much
Now how did they squish my body? I auditioned for myself with the knowledge I brought from Entourage.
I have the acting jobs to deliver.
How did they-
Your market is way different from me.
You don't understand it's a different.
How did they get my body into the perfect geometric shape
of a cube for this movie?
Computer graphics imaging.
Don't be overly familiar.
It might seem like a good idea to write to him
in a friendly way to get his attention,
but it could backfire.
Avoid saying things like,
hey, Mark, or what's up?
They actually like that on Shark Tank.
They actually don't like all this stuff.
I'm gonna try to unsend real quick.
All the stuffy butt holes that come on Shark Tank,
and they're like, oh, greetings, professors.
They love it when you walk in there like, what's up, idiots?
I'm Griffin and this is my business,
toothpaste for dogs.
That exists.
I was surprised that they funded stuffy buttholes,
but the pitch for it was really, really good.
So like, I get it. I get it. It's an aftermarket.
This is also a show that has let people pitch prescription pants
so you can fart in for free.
So I don't think that's the same.
Wait, the pants, sorry, Justin, sorry.
The pants are free.
Yeah, prescription pants.
Listen, the tagline from me.
Prescription pants that you can fart in for free.
The farting doesn't cost you money
or the pants don't cost you money, Justin.
No, the fart, it's got charcoal.
Can I pitch my business to you guys?
Yes, please.
Okay, hello, sharks.
What's up, dudes?
What's up?
I've got a pitch for you
that's really gonna blow your ass apart.
It's called stuffy stuffy.
First, shall we pay?
Stuffy. We should pray.
Let's pray.
Dear God, please help me do a good job on this pitch.
I need this money so bad for stuffy buttholes.
I am on this stuffy butthole mission
because of you, the Lord,
because of the dream that you gave me that one time.
And so I am going to need your help on this one
to impress Randy and Mark, the end.
So you know how I Build a Bear Factory,
there's a lot of stuff they don't let you do to the bears.
Oh God, yeah.
Oh God, yeah.
Oh God, yeah.
Oh God, yeah.
Oh God, yeah.
Oh God, yeah.
You're at the mall.
You've just walked out of the Build a Bear Factory
with your lightly customized toy
and feeling a sense of disappointment and emptiness.
But what's that right across the mall vestibule?
It's stuffy buttholes.
It's an aftermarket garage for Build-A-Bear,
for Build-A-Bear factory.
And we'll take it to the fucking hoop, guys.
We'll do anything you want to these bears.
It is not an issue.
No question about it.
You can add buttholes to your bears.
That's just one of the features that we offer.
One of the required features is an entry,
an egress from the animal itself.
Griff, I've heard that you have partnered with Bose.
I was wondering if you could walk me through
how the Bose partnership figures into the two stuff.
Well, I'll tell you, I dropped my wireless headphones
into the urinal and then they were acting weird.
And I didn't wanna buy a new pair.
So I went to Bose and I said, we're doing this new thing.
It's an aftermarket for Build a Bear Factory to add.
And even before I could finish the sentence,
Steven Bose was like,
buttholes and I was like, yeah, for sure.
And so that's, yeah, that's big for us.
That's huge for us.
And what level of investment are you looking for?
$100.
Oh. Very reasonable.
Okay, I'll give you
$75 for 125% of the company
Do I had I listen I would love to team up
With you
She'll tell me the company. I'll give you a hundred dollars
I don't know. I've put a lot of sweat equity into it. I did buy the business at the mall.
It was a CVS, a mall CVS,
and now it's an aftermarket for stuffies.
Justin, do you have a counter?
Yes, it is where I prepare all of my food.
Excellent joke, Shaft.
I'm the funny shark. Yes. Funny shark, doo doo doo doo doo say that that was the tagline for stuffy buttholes.
One time I was this legit at a Build a Bear factory
and Henry, they had Sonic the Hedgehog stuff
and they had Pokemon stuff
and Henry wanted Pikachu Bear
with the Sonic voice box chip inside it.
And I was like, hell yeah, that's a great idea,
let's do it.
And the manager came zipping out from the back room
like, you can't do that.
What?
And they wouldn't let us do that.
I guess it's against the licensing stuff
that they've got going on.
But come on, a Pikachu with the Sonic,
the hedgehog voice would be extremely good.
And I don't know why they would ever find it.
They should let you do whatever you want to the dolls.
That's exactly the kind of thing.
That was my evil origin story for Stuffie Buttholes.
You know what I'm sold? Bring us a Pikachu,
bring us a Sonic, I'll switch their souls.
I'm Mark Cuban, I'm going to give you $6.2 billion
on one zero percent of the company.
Fuck yeah. I believe in this,
to my very core.
Excellent.
And I work at stuffy bottles because I'm broke now.
I do need a job.
Can I work at your store?
I'll have you guys talk to HR.
I was in entourage.
One time on Canadian Dragonstone, which goes way harder than American Shark Tank,
Kevin and Leary, someone came in and presented a board game
because that's a big part of Canadian Dragonstone's board game presentations. They're wild form
up there. Cool.
And he said, this is such a terrible idea. I'm going to have you come to my house and
I'll pour you a nice glass of wine and I want you to bring all these that you have and we're
going to throw them into a fire. And then two years later, they do like the follow ups
on the show.
And he's like, this dude went out of business and they have footage of Kevin O'Leary in a boat
going to his private island and inviting this dude over, going down to his wine cellar,
getting a delicious bottle of wine, going up, making a fire and then sitting next to the man.
Both of them enjoy a glass of wine
while his board games burn in front of him.
I love that.
But it's astounding.
That's who I want to contact.
That's a very different energy that I don't have in my life.
Yeah, you're right.
You know what?
Kevin O'Leary, wait, was he an entourage?
He was actually on euphoria.
Kevin O'Leary.
Yeah.
It's when he made his balls debut. We need money and we're not going to get it from these rich old men.
Not anymore!
Not anymore!
Let's get the money done. I want to tell you about Rocket Money and how it helped me out.
So Rocket Money is a service where they're going to help you keep track of like your
spending and one of the big selling prompts of it is that it helps you keep up with like
when you do a subscription for something or sign up for something and you can go there and see what you're like paying for it.
And maybe it's something where you signed up for like, you know, a free week and then it'll kick into the subscription and you completely forgot to cancel it where they're going to help you do it.
But also, Rocket Money gave me a notification of like, hey, there was a weird big purchase on your account.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I went and checked it out.
Turns out someone had hacked my ding-dang Amazon account
and ordered 23 foam kickboards.
Yeah.
So that a child might practice swimming upon them,
costing me about over $1,000 in kickboards.
They're really nice fucking kickboards.
They're pretty good kickboards.
They're sick.
This is not a bit.
This is not a bit.
It says it happened.
There was a bunch of other stuff totaling $7,000
worth of stuff that I did not purchase
that was purchased on my account.
And thanks to Rocket Money, I caught it early
and was able to dispute it
and hopefully get it all taken care of.
And so RocketMoney was just like a good friend
helping me out there, keeping me safe.
And just trust me, it's something you probably wanna have too
because not only does it help with the unwanted subscriptions
and monitor your spending,
they can also help lower your bills.
It's all kinds of wonderful stuff, highly recommend it. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and avoid paying for kneeboards,
kickboards you did not buy. Go to rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash
my brother. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash my brother. Strangely, those kickboards came to me.
I know, we're getting it all sorted. If you want some new clothes to go with your cool border lifestyle, Travis, you should
get Stitch Fix because the seasons are changing and so should your garments, or so should your
wardrobe, you should change your clothes.
Yeah, that's true.
And there is a good way to do that, and it's not going to the store, and just guessing,
you're not, that's not a skill you possess. So don't pretend like it is stitch face can do it though
It's an easy way to get close to fit you without having to endlessly browse through options or break the bank
You just fill out a little survey of what your sizes are
what kind of style you got that you're working with and they'll still send you clothes handpicked just for you and
You buy whatever you want to keep
and you send back whatever you don't,
and it's not even an issue.
We've all been using this for a while,
and it is a very reliable way to update and refresh
my wardrobe.
I do have one note for a stitch fix.
Yeah. Oh, good.
If you could add a customizable option
that allows me to choose how deep the pockets go.
Oh, yeah. I would appreciate that.
Cause most of the time it's just standard pocket depth.
Yeah. I would like something that gives me
a little more options, perhaps for a katana.
A concealed katana. Travis loves to shove
both his arms down his pockets up to the shoulders.
And then he does a sort of like big-legged walk.
He calls himself the horseshoe man, and he'll start yelling like,
the horseshoe man's coming, and he can't do that with you anymore.
I'd say it more threatening than that, Griffin.
Yeah.
The horseshoe man's coming.
He's coming.
And he's coming for you!
If you don't want the horseshoe man to come for you, then use Stitch Fix.
And why would you?
You shouldn't.
I don't even like doing it.
I don't choose to do it.
They just get me and they'll get you too.
And so will the horse you man.
If you don't try today at stitchfix.com slash my brother,
you're gonna get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.
That's stitchfix.com slash my brother,
stitchfix.com slash my brother.
The Eurovision Song Contest, fix. That's stitchfix.com slash my but everyone's a better singer. Well, sometimes. But that's where we come in. I'm Dimitri Pompeii.
I'm Oscar Montoya.
And I'm Jeremy Bent, and we're the hosts of Your Evangelists.
If you're new to Eurovision, we'll tell you everything you need to know to start enjoying the world's most important song competition.
And if you're already a fan, we'll dive deep on its wildest moments,
like when Ireland sends a turkey puppet to sing for them.
Your Evangelists. New episodes every them. You're evangelist.
New episodes every Thursday.
On MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Jordan Krushiola, host of Feeling Scene, where we start by asking our guests just one
question.
What movie character made you feel seen?
I knew exactly what it was.
Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Joy Wang slash Shobu Tupaki.
That one question launches amazing conversations
about their lives, the movies they love,
and about the past, present, and future of entertainment.
Roy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
I worry about what this might say about me,
but I've brought Tracy Flick in the film election.
So if you like movies, diverse perspectives, and great conversations, check us out!
Oof, this is real.
New episodes of Feeling Scene drop every week on MaximumFun.org.
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Little towns and
Time oh
I have three stories to get to I can't wait for you all to like
Hear me say munch and then say squad. Okay. I don't have time. That's fine. I do not have time
I'm I'm crouching down low in the window. I'm just realizing. It's not look like a little guy pie
I'm gonna scoot up so I look like a big man like my brothers. All right. Here we go
I got three great stories for you. The first one is smoothie King has dropped its new sleepy girls
Smoothies I
Yep, it's inspired by a viral sleepy girl mocktail. Yeah, it's the internet's latest obsession
I
At kind of assumed every cocktail was a sleepy cocktail. Yeah for me. I have any cocktails
I'm gonna I think it's weird for
Smoothie King to use the word dropped in terms of smoothie, a thing that I would
say is on my list of top 100 things I don't want to drop.
Yeah, it would be a huge mess.
It should be like,
Smoothie King carefully delivers with a secure lid.
Yeah, sleepy girls.
Smoothie.
How late is Smoothie King open? You know, you could be sleepy in the girls. Smooth. How late is smoothie King open?
You know, you could be sleepy in the morning.
Sure. Yeah.
In the morning, sleepy in the evening.
Sleep. Does it put you to sleep? Right.
I would hope not.
It woke you up.
It helps. No, it helps you catch some disease.
It doesn't wake you up. Oh, OK.
Then it should be.
You know, bad.
How late is smoothie King open?
That's all I'm saying.
Well, more importantly,
do they let you get this through the drive through?
Because I don't want a nation of people getting suddenly very sleepy How late is smoothie King open? That's all I'm saying. Well, more importantly, do they let you get this through the drive-thru?
Cause I don't want a nation of people getting suddenly
very sleepy while driving.
I'm gonna be able,
I can't resist a sip of Rusky, you know what I mean?
I'm gonna have a few sips of the way
how long before I go through the vibe though.
I don't need that.
Real quick, BurgerFi launches Yes Chef Burger
inspired by movie movie The Menu.
Huh.
And I know what you're thinking.
Is there a new movie called The Menu?
That's not a weird horror movie.
Yeah, this is inspired by the Ray Fines 2022 film The Menu.
Okay.
Which I believe is, it's a substantial thriller, right?
I'm thinking of the right movie, right?
Yeah, it's a suspenseful thriller, right? I'm thinking of the right movie, right? Yeah, it's a suspenseful thriller
Yeah from 2022. Okay. Yeah
There is a join us in a course of yes chef as burger fight the maestro of better burgers owned by burger fight
International introduces the yes chef burger guests will savor the simplicity of this viral savory sensation
inspired by a scene from the movie The Menu
starting on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024. Yep. How? It took him a couple years. Listen,
there's a very. It took him a couple years. There's a very plot important hamburger in the
movie The Menu and it is one of the more gorgeous looking hamburgers I've ever seen in my entire
life. But it did come out two years ago.
So I get seeing the movie and being like,
guys, that's a good looking burger.
Let's strike while the iron is hot.
Do you think maybe they couldn't get the partnership
with Ray Fines and the menu?
And so now two years later,
they're hoping Ray doesn't notice.
Doesn't notice?
Maybe, maybe they wanted to do the bear
and the bear was like, now we're doing fine.
We don't really do burgers on the bear.
I guess I'd be the thing.
We're embracing one of the most beloved catchphrases of
recent pop culture trends, particularly on TikTok.
And aligning our approach with the demands of our guests says
Carl Bachman, CEO of being fucking cool.
No, wait, sorry.
No, sorry.
National's what it says here.
Our team is starting the New York saying yes to flavor
and yes to our guests.
I have asked my children recently
because sometimes I'll ask them to do something
and I don't want to have it to be like,
oh yeah, every time.
So I said just say yes, chef.
And they both really embraced that.
Both my kids are really into it now. If I'm like, hey, can you just pick it, just make sure you pick that up when you're done say yes, chef. And they both really embraced that. Both my kids are really into it now.
If I'm like, hey, can you just pick it up?
Just make sure you pick that up when you're done.
Yes, chef.
And it's wonderful.
I would be satisfied with her, chef.
If my kids had just dropped me out of her,
like I do know that they hear it,
even if I know they're willfully ignoring me as something.
Today's foodies, craving, and pulling experience,
whether that means something that's trending in pop culture
or a fresh new take on their favorite dish.
Jesus.
Cindy Syracuse, the chief marketing officer of BurgerFi.
At BurgerFi, we're here to curate offerings that align seamlessly with the
preferences and cravings of our guests.
Good Lord.
So, yeah.
But all of those are, that's a lot of words to say, we made a hamburger.
I made a hamburger that we hoped people like.
I'm confused because so far the-
And also we have TikTok.
Yeah, they've described the burger simple.
So it's a burger with like simple stuff on it.
We hope people like it.
But it's very viral.
I feel like maybe I've just got them on the mind,
but it does seem like RoboCop wrote this press release.
Citizens, enjoy the wet meat. Um, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I full sandwich. I'm feeling a mic. What's that mean? You want some chips?
We got them.
OK, Subway announced a big menu update with the debut debut debut
debut of Sidekicks, a collection of three new footlong snacks.
Footlong snacks.
Wait a minute.
A footlong snack, a snack of one foot
I'm trying to think of what I could eat a foot of and have it not be a meal a fruit check that clean feed bud
Check that. Oh, I see. I see. All right. That's still a big fucking cookie my biggest cookie
I've ever seen in my entire life new links subways culinary team joined forces with Cinnabon and
Anti-ans to create a crack because they were close at the mall to create a crave worthy new twist on their classic snacks
Subway also spent a year
perfect a year
Perfecting the recipe for its foot-long cookie to complete this irresistible new addition to Subway's menu that's big on size, taste, and value.
Yeah.
It is a cookie.
Do you think that it's just the proportions they couldn't yield out?
Like they're like, they have a five and a half foot cookie.
It shrank.
Yeah.
Like it's still not a foot.
Damn it.
If my friend tells me that he's going to go have lunch and I say, what's the
dessert and he says a foot of cookie.
I'm gonna call someone.
Cookie foot.
I'm gonna call someone and tell him about it.
I don't know who the authorities, a family member,
I don't know.
I'm gonna have one third of a yard of a cookie.
Yeah.
Now, I'll have a third yard.
A truck of chip third yard, please.
Oh, give me one 300th of a football field worth
of cookie, please. Oh, give me 1-300th of a football field worth of cookie, please.
Are you allowed to, when they ask you what type of bread you want your sandwich on, say,
I would like two foot long cookie paddles.
That's coming, right?
Like, that's their next, the evolution of this.
They're definitely going to put ice cream between these and make it into a stunt.
I mean, absolutely. Yeah. There's a Cinnabon footlong churro because when I want an authentic churro
experience, I go to Cinnabon.
It's baked to perfection, surf warm and topped with Cinnabon's world famous
Makara cinnamon and sugar.
Now, Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel for $3, which reimagines Auntie Anne's
buttery and salty classic.
It reimagines it as long and not pretzel shaped at all.
It looks like there's some sort of white cream
inside of one of these pretzels.
I believe that's just where it's been torn.
Yeah, I think it's just torn that way.
And then there's the foot-long cookie
is back nationwide and better than ever
after popping up in select restaurants
on National Cookie Day in 2022 and 2023.
It's thick.
It's gooey and it's packed with chocolate chips.
I just like me.
I think if you say something is a foot long, you do not need to go the extra mile.
Say it is also thick.
That is irrelevant to me.
That is not even.
It's deep.
It's wide.
It's long.
It's got all the dimensions.
I'm saying if you told me they sold foot long pretzel rods and foot long churros,
and then you told me they also sell foot long cookies,
I will assume that the cookie has been fashioned into a similar rod style shape.
These these three snacks are not equal in size because the churro and pretzel are stick based and the
cookie is very wide like a snowboard I think is important to actually note the
dimensions of this. It's $2 and $3 for those and $5 for the cookie. Yeah that
makes sense to me. That's a good deal. Yeah guys I'm gonna read you a sentence
that is not the wildest on Munch Squad but it is top 10 in inscrutability. Okay
the introduction of sidekicks builds on six decades of equity and
Expertise in all things foot long says Douglas Fry president of subway North America. So what he has just said there is
This business of ours has done so much stuff with a foot.
Our business has a real foot fetish and we have really prioritized that.
We've gotten good at measuring things out to 12 inches.
I think what he's saying is they already have the bags.
Yeah. Yeah. That's what he's saying is we have the bag.
The proportion of our restaurant is built to hold but long things.
Exactly. You know how when you go back in history and you look at like the gate of a horse and you follow that through history and how it eventually dictates the rails of the shuttle.
It's like that, right? Yeah.
Everything here is foot long shape. We already got the spatulas, shuttle. It's like that, right? Everything here is foot long shape.
We already got the spatulas, guys.
So we got the big bags, we've got this.
We're already used to it.
When I worked at the country's best yogurt,
adjacent to the subway in Huntington,
I did have to learn by touch and sight,
and maybe even smell,
how to measure out exactly seven ounces, nine ounces,
and 11 ounces of soft serve frozen yogurt in two cups.
And to this day, I feel like if you asked me
to get you seven ounces of something,
I can do it pretty close to it.
I think maybe there's a lot of spatial training
that happens when you are a sandwich engineer
so that you just kind of have a good feel
for when something is a foot long, which is a very useful skill, I think,
that's going to serve you in life a lot.
That would be a killer.
That should be their new angle.
Like Arby's, we got the meat, Subway, everything's a foot long.
Yeah, everything is one foot.
We got the best straws in the biz, guys.
They're a foot long.
You can't even believe it.
Um, okay.
Subway's multi-year transform.
This is not a quote.
Subway's multi-year transformation journey began in 2021 with an overhaul of its pantry of ingredients and continued to crescendo with significant changes to its entire guest experience, whether dining in or ordering online.
So do you think they realized that what they've just said there is we peaked?
Yes.
That's it, man.
It's all downhill from here.
It's this is Chikovsky's third subway movement.
The Christian, the, the, the Christian, the buildup to the crescendo is, is breathtaking.
We've edged our way through a really great cookie orgasm.
You guys, you're going to fucking love this one.
We're about to blow over here.
So while previous menu and experience updates have been focused on Subway's
signature sandwiches, Sidekicks puts a deserved spotlight on the rest of Subway's menu.
Cookies.
And just wanted to let you know that Dave Makita,
who is, of course, president of international and retail channels at Focus Brands,
says, these fan favorite snacks will delight in new cravable ways.
Oh, big, big words there Dave, making a call.
It's new.
It's delight is cravable.
It's, yeah, it's they, the same company owns all these places except subway, which I think is wild. Yeah, like the same come focus owns
auntie and cinnabon
George Julius probably schloss keys. Yeah, maybe mo's I don't know, but they don't own subway
So somebody's like listen
We know how to make things a foot. Yeah, you all know how to make things that aren't sandwiches. Yeah, subway's like, listen, we know how to make things afoot. Yeah. You all
know how to make things that aren't sandwiches. Yeah. Let's figure something out. Your food
smells. We lose our ruler over here, so thank you. I will say this, subway famously not
a very good smelling restaurant. I feel like there's a definitive subway smell every time
you, and they have lots of open meat. So, I get it, Auntie Anne's and Cinnabon
famously incredibly good smelling restaurants.
So I think just from a sensory level,
this partnership is extremely good for Subway.
It would be wonderful, if anything,
if I could walk into a combination gas station Subway
and not want to yak all over the place,
if instead it's like, it kind of a little bit
smells like cookies now,
I'd be super excited about that.
Hey, I have two important updates.
One, we've been recording for over an hour.
And two, I want a foot-long cookie more than I do.
Yeah, man.
My next breath.
Hold on, wait, wait, wait.
I would fucking inhale it.
Of those three sidekicks, cookies,
what's calling, foot-long cookies calling your name?
Okay, wow.
Yeah, man. I had churros last night at Del Ranchito. That's, okay, see, what's calling, football cookies calling your name? Okay, wow. Yeah, man.
I had churros last night at El Ranchido.
That's, okay, see, I haven't had a churro in a minute,
so that's sort of the direction.
Yeah, I went, I got some going.
So this weekend, I am going to be at Sketchfest
doing a live actual play RPG called Trav Venture Zone.
February the fourth at 7 p.m. featuring Eugene Cordero,
Danny Fernandez, Aaron Keith,
Griffin Newman, Connor Ratliff and Erica Ishii.
Did they agree to do it
before they knew it was called the Trabventure Zone?
I didn't pick that.
There was a list of names I submitted.
Okay.
And that was what the organizers of Sketch Fest shows.
You were about to say you didn't pick it.
Did you write it on the list?
Yeah.
Okay. If you did want a Portman,
there's a different Portmanteau where it's the
Trad Venture Zone, in which it sounds like you are
a traditional, traditional.
Trad wife, who does Trad Wife?
Trad Wife Venture Zone.
Every morning I get up and lay out my husband's dice
for him.
Ah!
I sharpen all of his pencils. And I make sure he's. It's too late to be this funny because you have to stop.
Damn it. People already turned it off.
You have to wind down.
Shit.
Damn it.
Go get your tickets. It's this Sunday. Don't miss it.
It's gonna be a real hoot.
Where do they get those tickets trapped, did you say?
You can go to sketchfest.com.
I think it's sfsketchfest.com
and find them there.
We got some new merch over at the merch store,
macquariemerch.com, including a three brother moon shirt.
It looks like the three wolves howling at the moon,
but it's our faces.
God, it's good.
Guys, can I be honest?
Can I wear this shirt?
No.
Okay.
Travis, the answers from me and Travis,
you understand we're going to be diametrically opposed, sort of.
I have several t-shirts with my own face on it, so don't you worry.
I have one and it's little. My face is very small on the shirt,
so I feel like I can pull it off sometimes when I wear a coat, my face isn't even showing.
10% of all merch proceeds this month will go to World Central Kitchen,
which uses the power of food and nourish communities
and strengthen economies through times of crisis and beyond.
And when the new month rolls over,
we'll have some new stuff for you
that we'll tell you about then.
So come visit us.
It's pretty great.
So yeah, starting the first, go check it out.
It's really great.
Thank you to Montaigne also for these
for our theme song, My Life, is better with you.
It is just a really good tune.
It's my favorite track from our podcast.
It's the only song really on our podcast,
but it's of all the songs that are on our podcast,
is my favorite one.
Should we?
So yeah, to wrap it up here,
some people send in wishes that they wish for Fungalord here.
First, I do wanna address one because someone said
that they made a Fungalord fanate from St. Louis,
so they made a silent wish for $900.
And when they got home, they found out
that the insurance company was giving them
a refund of $740.
And now they're true believer in Fungalord.
Fungalord does not grant wishes.
No, and he didn't intercede in there at all.
If he had, he would have gotten the wish.
Yeah.
If he had, you would have gotten $900.
That's all I'm saying.
Yeah.
Not $740.
So this is not a place where
you were asking Fungalware to grant a wish.
Okay.
But let's not get it twisted.
So this one.
Let's just do one. I think we just do one twisted. So, this one. Let's just do one.
I think we just do one.
Yeah, that's one.
And here at the end.
Let's create an environment where we can lift this up.
Yes, thank you.
Okay, you ready?
Thank you.
Maybe you guys hum.
Okay.
Maybe, yeah.
Okay.
You guys hum and I'll read it.
I wish they'd make milk duds better.
Like, how do you keep fucking up chocolate and caramel?
Milk dud duds.
My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. Milk, dud, duds.
My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy.
I'm Griffin McRoy.
This has been my brother, my brother, me.
Kiss your dad, square on the lips.
It's better with you. My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah with you. It's better, it's better with you.
This is true, it's better, it's better with you.
It's better, it's better with you.
Maximum Fun. A Workaround Network. It's better with you.