My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 702: Accountability For Crazy Puffs
Episode Date: March 11, 2024In anticipation of the Oscars, we’ve created a cool bot to predict the results, measure tall-people energy, and help bake cookies without burning them. Only the bot might be fixated on the clothed s...tate of one wrestler in particular. Suggested talking points: None Shorts on John Cena, WDZENTD (what does Zac Efron need to do), 450 Degree Rock in the Oven, I'm Not a Stabby Person, Toasty Cubes of Bread, Louisiana is the Boot of the Elf Man Foundation for Black Women’s Wellness: https://www.ffbww.org/
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.
Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.
What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful
A small acquaintance has blossomed
It's rapping into a precious friendship
I could have never seen what was coming for me
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
My life, it feels like My life is all
It's better with you
Hello everybody, welcome!
My brother, my brother, me and my show for the modern era
I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy
What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle-est brother
Woof woof, big dog, Travis McElroy
I did it, guys. I finally finished, hi, what's up, Travis Nation?
I'm your youngest brother, Griffin McRoy.
I finished programming that bot.
I was telling you about.
Oh, you did?
Oh, the real bot, yeah.
Well, you know, the Oscars are coming up this Sunday.
Because we record the show on Thursday.
So the Oscars are coming up this weekend on Sunday.
And I have finished that AI bot,
and I know some people are kinda,
but I finished this AI bot that can predict
the winners of the Oscars.
Whoa!
Yes, I thought we could use this AI bot
that I made on Thursday to-
Today, they're good, today we're recording.
Today, on Thursday we're recording, yeah, yeah.
Before Sunday, Oscars and- You guys can't see it griffin
So they got a newspaper for Thursday
So this is Thursday on it
So you you know it's real and I thought we could use the AI bot and predict the winners of the Oscars make big bets
Yeah, but in the with the bookies and well, you know make bank. I'm I
Don't want to jinx it, but I've already made a pretty sizable bet.
I took out and BB's College Fund as well as our production budget for the entire year.
Okay.
Put it all on Wonka to sleep.
Oh, hold on.
Let me.
It says maybe.
So this bot isn't maybe the best.
As long as Wonka wins one category, I'll basically break. Yeah. It says maybe, so this bot isn't maybe the best bot.
As long as Wonka wins one category,
I'll basically break.
Yeah, sure, sure.
I didn't even, can I say,
I was so excited and confident in this,
I didn't even look at what it was nominated for,
I didn't look at the nominations,
I was just like, Wonka to win.
Well, it says here Travis,
it's gonna win best screenplay with an M.
So I haven't made one of these things before
I'd like I'm not I took some Code Academy like five or six years ago
We're all doing that shit late RPG maker a lot which I see played RPG maker
So like I kind of know the basics and it says that wonka wins best screenplay
Okay, but just give me a cat give me a category and I'll punch it in and then best costumes costuming
Execute okay, okay, hmm
It says it says I seen a wiener on here what?
I see no Wiena on here. What?
Yeah, it says I seen a hold on.
I seen a John Cena's Wiena is what it says.
OK, I don't know if your chat bot thing is working Griffin.
I feel like poor.
Hold on.
Best costumes poor things question mark.
Says, hmm, it says you can't see me.
I don't think so.
I see John Cena's penis and butt.
That's weird, man.
Check.
Can you just, it's thirst.
It's weird on a Thursday before the Oscars for this to happen.
Yeah.
My ballot always seems to fall apart around best animated, uh, short, best
documentary, short, best live action, the shorts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So if there's any short, can you just type in like shorts results?
Or sure. Sure. Sure.
Yeah. Sure.
Short Oscar shorts results.
It says none on John Cena.
What?
It says none shorts on John Cena.
Why?
What?
Why does he get what it's a fucking obsessed?
I didn't I don't even he's not nominated for anything.
I don't know.
We'll get away from the rest of it.
Let's do red carpet stuff and maybe do like best dressed.
Yeah, best dressed.
Best dressed red carpet.
Says less dressed.
And then you guys can probably guess
what it says after that.
I don't see no way now.
It's fucked up man.
My bodice, I gotta run some Norton ANC virus on this one.
See you singularly focused. Right, right, right
It says you know who doesn't have poor things John Cena, I guess it likes it
Wow, I guess the program likes what it thinks about John Cena's
genitals that I guess if you program a bot that is obsessed with John Cena's bits
No, I program about that guest of Oscars winners.
Griff, can you try adjusting the parameters?
If you try that for me, I don't just put it through its base.
If you just adjust the parameters a little bit.
OK, I'll do.
OK, OK, OK, OK.
Now it's OK.
It says killers of the flower moon snubbed.
Huh.
And also John Cena's butt cheeks clap on stage.
Neither of those things are gonna fuck.
There's no fuck.
I would sooner believe that John Cena makes his butt cheeks
clap on stage before killers of the flower moon
get snubbed at the Oscars.
I don't think so.
Okay, we need to move away from it.
Can we kind of get back to my thing for a second?
Just search like Wonka or Willie or chocolate even would work.
Well, there's chocolate when you're type,
type it in correctly cause there's chocolate
and there's chocolate.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
But which one does he work when I remember?
Only Wonka's makes your eyes pop out the socket.
Yeah.
If that's what you're asking.
Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
OK, let me type that in.
OK, I've typed in Wonka Oscars when, OK, weird.
It seems to have generated its own fanfic of the Willy Wonka
experience.
Huh.
And there's this guy who lives in the walls now, which is fucked up. Of the Willy Wonka experience. Huh, wow. And there's this guy who lives in the walls now
which is fucked up.
Of the Willy Wonka experience or of John Cena?
Yeah, but every other line it says something about John Cena
and it says, soup can chode now.
Ha ha ha!
Like a name?
No, it refers to him as John Cena
so you know which one he's talking about.
It also says the rock is also there but his chode is not visible for all to say.
That's great. That's good to hear.
A sort of quantum chode.
Schrodinger. Schrodinger's chode.
Schrodinger's schrode.
Please don't make me do this joke anymore.
Okay. I won't make you do this joke anymore.
I want to welcome people to this advice show.
Um, my first advice is to the voters of the academy.
I need you to look in your heart and ask yourself this.
What does Zach Efron need to do?
What does he have to do?
What has he given you?
What does Zach, He's given you
every not only did he
He's a song and dance. Yeah, I love this high school music. He's one of the greatest showman
He's one of the greatest showman. He's a backup. He basically understudies
Hugh Jackman in that movie and then he's in the wrestling movie that's so sad. No one can watch it
Yeah, that happens with a lot of wrestling movies, by the way.
It just feels like, oh, we're going to make a wrestling movie,
be it the wrestler, be it Fox, that you're so sad.
There's one fun wrestling movie.
It's all we had other than, you know, three ninjas,
the three ninjas with Hulk Hogan.
I don't count it.
But listen, what does Zack mean to do?
What's he going to do?
He's in the iron claw.
He learned how to do it. His shirt's off the whole time. He keeps learning how to do? What's he gonna do? He's in the iron claw. He learned how to do it.
His shirt's off the whole time.
He keeps learning how to do it.
Come on.
We are your friends.
He went to DJ school for four years.
Four years.
And they still said, not enough, Zach.
I just don't know what they need from Zach.
I don't know what they need from Zach.
What's he got to do?
I would also.
He's got to get bigger.
I would like to pause a change to the Oscars rules.
Just consider this, each film can only be nominated
in one category.
Oh, that's cool.
And it'll be at performance, design, whatever.
One category per film.
Pick one.
Yeah, that's cool.
And you have to narrow it down there.
I think we're gonna see some interesting pulls
if we do that in the Oscars that would be cool
Hey guys, if I told you Zach Efron's next project is an R-rated comedy with
John Cena
Directed by Peter Farrelly, and it's called Ricky Stenicki. Oh, yeah, you guys think that I'm with you
I'm excited to watch Ricky Stenicki. Are you kidding me?
I'm gonna see in the previews that I'm fucking with you? I'm excited to watch Ricky's Snicky. Are you kidding me? I've been seeing the previews.
I'm excited.
No, I just think that those two,
the fact that those two are working together
is huge for me.
Put Johnna in anything or nothing.
And I'll watch it.
Johnna?
Did you just shorten John Cena to Johnna?
Yeah, that's what we call him in the biz.
Okay.
Johnna, this is an advice show.
This is an advice show.
What do you guys call them?
I live in a house separated into two apartments.
I recently got new neighbors, which is exciting,
except I have no work.
I'm assuming they have one of the apartments, right?
They have not split their own home
into two apartments that they live.
Okay.
So, like a duplex, right? That's what that's called. Okay, so like a duplex, right?
That's what that's called.
That's a duplex, okay.
I recently got new neighbors, which is exciting,
except I have no working oven to bake them a welcome treat.
My landlord is neglected to fix ours for a while,
however he put a new one in for the neighbors.
What's a good non-oven treat to give new neighbors?
Alternatively, how do I pull off an oven swap
to get the working one?
Wow.
That's from Bakelis in Bangor.
It kind of feels like maybe one of those is the question.
Is the real question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
For sure, for sure.
How can I be good?
Also, how can I be diabolically bad?
How can I be such a staker?
He would not believe.
So I have one thought on the cookie, on the baking thing.
I bet you, yeah.
Something that might be nice is you hold on up thinking through.
Yeah, this will work. You make cookie dough.
I actually did this recently.
I made a nice like coconut cookie and then I made the dough and then rolled it in the logs and then froze the logs.
So they would basically be like cutting bakes.
Right. And they're sitting in the freezer.
So if I want to pop out eight cookies, I got that. Right.
So what I was thinking was you could do that and then just take the logs over your neighbor.
So they're got all the fun, all the best parts of cooking.
The smell. Yeah. The smell, the warmth, all the best parts of cookie with none of the hard stuff the cooking the cleaning the the that'd be great now
Here's what's a problem. What's the problem? What's the problem? I'm pointing at it. I'll say it
You say I couldn't bake these for you because your new landlord's a fucking ass
I want to tell you right now. You have moved into a real shit hole. You bring them over and you say,
yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll be able to bake these yourself
as soon as the landlord fixes our ovens.
What's that?
What's that?
Don't say, huh?
Your ovens work?
Huh?
Huh, that's...
What I'm saying is what you're gonna get
from the neighbor now is...
Well it's new!
Sit down the stickers on it and everything, huh?
What they're gonna say is,
cause they're human beings,
what they're gonna say is,
well listen, if you ever need to use an oven
You're more than welcome to use my oven
But then you do you will be there a lot now you yeah
Fine I will use your oven whenever I please eventually I'll give be enough for a problem that now you have two people
That really want you to have an oven super bad get a
candlestick, a sconce, installed on your kitchen wall that when you pull it down, the wall flips around.
Now you have the oven in your kitchen.
And you could even do that with a few other things.
It is important to me that you know this and understand this.
Just screwing a sconce into the wall doesn't make that happen. in the hap- It's so important to me that you know this and understand this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just screwing a sconce into the wall
doesn't make that happen, right?
You know that, right?
The fact that you would lead and stop with,
install a sconce, like that is so far
from the first step of that plan.
If you have that functionality in your home
and you activate it with like a light switch,
what the fuck are you doing?
Like it has to be a sconce or nothing or a book installed,
but why would you have books in a kitchen?
That's right, good books.
Right, what Travis and I are kind of highlighting.
Remember when I put the hidden library door upstairs?
And it took a month.
Sure, yeah.
And you put in the book that does it.
Yeah, that was way, that was way late in the process.
That's almost more of a cherry on top.
But you wouldn't have a button or a switch that does it.
You had a book or a sconce in this case.
You stopped that.
You sconce.
Yeah, you in, if you drew on a piece of paper, tap wall to open.
And then you put it on your wall.
This is not Beetlejuice.
You will tap on that wall and nothing will happen.
Yeah, no, dude, because it's a piece of paper
that says tap wall to open, you fucking idiot.
But if it's a sconce.
It has to at least be a sconce.
That's all that I'm saying.
Yeah.
I guess putting the sconce up, you are one step closer
to having a wall than this.
You don't have to worry about
later on in the process.
This is huge for the landlord.
Now, all of a sudden, one toilet to maintain,
instead of two toilets.
So it sconces all the way down, is what you're saying.
There are a handful of activation points
that will be appropriate to the room that they're in,
a sconce in a bathroom, what is this, a medieval castle?
I don't think so.
What would it be in the bathroom, the plunger?
That's pretty good, yeah.
Or the medicine cabinet opens up
and it just goes right into the other room.
And you could just gotta climb up.
Hey, Juice, can you not comb your beard
while we're recording the podcast?
Why does that bother you Griffin?
Why does it bother me for you to comb your beard while we're doing the pie? I don't know. I guess any sort of, we don't do a lot of
hygiene based activities sort of while. It's hard when you're looking at yourself. You see a few
strays out of place and you'd love to present your best self for the list. I rearranged my office
and the lighting is weird and I feel very purple for something. Oh, I don't like your lighting
actually Trevor. Cool. I'm gonna tell you, it looks, I don't like the look.
I don't like how it looks.
It looks a little bit intense.
I really, I'm liking it less.
It looks like you have a grow light.
I do.
Like you got a grow operation.
There I do.
That's my plan show.
Can you imagine?
Nope.
A sight you could see that would instill more dread
for the next at least year of your life
that you have coming to you.
Worse than rolling up to the new duplex that you live in
and seeing your neighbor dead ass stealing your whole oven.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, oh, I didn't think you'd be here today.
I'm gonna be a stalker.
I am taking your oven.
I've never installed or, I guess,
uninstalled an oven before.
But I can't imagine it's a straightforward process
that any old joke could do.
I have to assume that there's some steps in there
that perhaps maybe one might wanna go to school for
or some size.
Yeah, there's only a few things in my house
that run on exploding gaseous material.
And that's what, I'll fuck around with my router.
I break my router, I can't get on my sites for a day.
The oven has some get up and go to it.
The oven's got a little oomph.
What's that face, Trav?
I was just thinking about maybe they broke the first oven
trying to figure out how to move it.
Is that what happened?
It's possible.
What if they knocked out the back of their oven?
Oh!
So it's just one huge oven.
Super oven!
That's cool too.
And then you cut in, you put a sconce on your wall
about the other oven.
You wouldn't need the sconce.
You wouldn't need the oven.
No, you wouldn't need the sconce in that one,
cause there's nothing rotating.
Just a permeable barrier, maybe.
It's one huge oven.
And what's cool about that, you're in your living room
playing Call of Duty with your friends.
Is the sconce next to the wall that opens,
or is it on the wall that opens?
It's gotta be on the wall.
So that way you can do it from the other side.
How would you get it back?
You'd never get it back.
How would you get it back? You'd send get it back. How would you get it back?
You pull it, the wall flips.
You don't have a sconce anymore.
You bang on the wall.
You go talk to your neighbor.
You're riding the wall, Justin.
You don't just flip the wall and watch it go.
Nobody knows their neighbors anymore.
Huge problem about the degradation of all of the societal fabric
that weaves us all together.
So maybe you have to go to your neighbor
and knock on their door and say,
can you pull on your sconce to send the oven
back my way partner?
Please, sorry, please.
Sorry, tough.
No one ever talks about how big the engine
would have to be the motor in a home
to turn a wall around on its own.
That's a big, that's a room on its own.
It's gravity fed. It's gravity fed.
It's gravity fed you say?
Yeah, it's a great trick, but it can only do it once.
Yeah, I pull the scots, the floor drops out, nice eyes.
I pull the scots and half the room rotates 180 degrees
violently and quickly, everything is thrown over
from the walls and it does not go back.
And let me be honest, we forgot to put a break in
where it would happen, so it just tears the room
in half violently.
Okay, how about this?
No sconce.
Structurally the building was it, it designed to zoom.
It just sort of collapses the whole thing.
No sconce.
No sconce.
No sconce, but that circle of the room
is always slowly rotating.
Oh, like a revolve, like in Hamilton.
So yeah.
Yeah, sort of like that, but just like wicked slow,
wicked slow, like from the, every odd hour,
you get the oven.
Yeah, and I love to make Thanksgiving,
but unless it's an odd number of hours
to roast the turkey, it's not gonna happen.
What if it comes around, it's like,
hey, you have a pot in here, this is so rude.
Like you have to do this during your time with the oven.
Or you have the oven tunnel, which Justin has described.
You're playing Call of Duty with your fucking friends,
you smell that good pie, you're like,
let me see what's cooking.
You put it in there, you say like,
ah, did I put this in here today?
I don't know.
That's why you gotta mark it with a B. And you put it in the oven for neighbor and me. The handles will be, I don't know. That's why you got to market with a B and you put it in the oven for neighboring me.
The handles will be, I've solved for this, Christian.
Don't worry, the handles will be made
out of an extremely heat-conductive material.
If you touch the, well, it's on,
you will be horrifically burned, horrifically.
Speaking of being horrifically burned,
I wanted to tell you guys that,
a sad story about the J-Man, I came home to bake cookies for my wife.
Remember I told you guys about the slicing bakes that I made up?
Yeah.
So I came home to make cookies and I baked the oven, but I didn't know that my wife had left
broccoli in the oven for me to eat when I got home for rehearsal.
And she had also left the tongs in there.
So I preheated the oven to cook these cookies
and then I walk out for a good long bit,
good long while and then I come back in and I say,
fuck smells like burnt broccoli.
Smells like burnt broccoli in here. Fuck.
So I run to the oven.
I throw it open.
It's like, ah, broccoli smoke is terrible.
And then I see the tongs.
And for some reason I'm like, I gotta get those out of there.
They can't be in the oven.
That's my thing.
So I grab the tongs.
The plastic of the tongs then melts onto my meat.
Johnny, cremate yourself.
Jesus Christ.
Saving broccoli, no less.
So now I have a second degree burn on the tip of my finger.
I lost the tip of my finger.
And this is what I don't-
Hey, Justin, you didn't lose the tip of your finger.
Lost feeling in the tip of my finger.
Here's what I didn't like about this particular.
I'm glad you were able to narrow it down.
Go on.
When my wife discovered it, first thing she did was have a bit of fun at my expense.
Fair.
Second, upset about the loss of broccoli.
Yeah.
Fair.
I agree.
In this economy?
Yeah.
Thirdly, for the rest of the night, she kept giving,
I kept catching her giving me these side long glances,
like, and looking at my finger and then asking me like,
so how's it feeling now?
Is it, is it feeling-
The worst.
How's it now?
Is it any better?
Is it any better at all?
And I'm like,
is it supposed to be just tell me the right thing to do?
But she said, guys, there's a chance that I, I may lose feeling in that tiny spot
on my middle finger.
That, that finger has brought so much joy to so many over the years.
Stop it.
And I, I don't, I'm in a fun way.
We're leaping, we're leaping out of this conversation.
You're nasty.
I don't follow.
And we.
I burnt my finger and it was a huge deal.
Anna ruined my tongs.
There's a Justin shape handprint.
There's a Justin shape handprint on the tongue.
I bet those cookies turned out good though.
They're bomb.
Yeah.
That little bit of that broccolini smoke on it.
That's good shit.
Our oven has become a food safe
to keep food safe from our dog.
And I've had to program myself
to look in the oven every time I warm it up.
I wish you were at my house.
Well, just cause I missed you.
You never invite me, yeah.
We used to rock with a big pizza stone
that was so big and heavy and unwieldy,
the only place to keep the pizza stone was in the oven. There are many times where I would turn it on to preheat, not realizing pizza stone was in there
and I would open it up to put my food in and be like, uh-oh, there's a 30 pound, 450 degree rock.
Yeah, 40 per pizza.
40.
You're thinking maybe I'm having pizza tonight?
Maybe it's pizza time tonight because there's nowhere else.
I have to go put this outside.
This guy's ready to party. I have to go put this outside.
This guy's ready to party.
What do I do with this meteorite?
I've done, I've had to do that before with the two,
the two sets of tongs balancing the 30 pound boiling hot stone
and then not really thinking like, so what's my exit strategy?
No, I just tell my wife open the kitchen window and get out of the way baby.
I'm shucking this rock outside.
Um, can we go to a wizard? Yeah,. It's been a while. I miss the wizard.
Yeah, sure has. Brian sent us in, and this is timely because it'll be next week.
It's how to celebrate the Ides of March. Oh, yeah.
How to celebrate. How to celebrate.
Not a dessert. Not a dessert. Mark.
Yeah. No, like fucking party and recognize in a jubilant way
I don't need any help knowing how to party
Yeah, well
Next next segment then I guess I need to help Griffin, please. I'm party tries to help March 15th
Is known as the Ides of March which marks the day that Julia Caesar was assassinated in 44 BC
It's not official.
No, not forgotten.
No, never will.
A lot of things changed on the eyes of March.
So much.
Where would, where were you?
I'll never forget.
Julius Caesar might be problematic now, guys.
Let's be careful.
I don't know what he got into.
You think?
Listen, I separate the art from the artist.
I don't know if we like Julius Caesar or not.
He made a great salad.
He figured out how to give birth without having to push it out of there.
He did a lot of great stuff.
I feel like.
He trained dogs, I think, if I remember correctly.
He made this incredible orange milkshake for the malls.
He's an incredible, incredible man.
He made pizza and then people were like, are you done?
And he turned around and he said, fuck off, I'm making a second one. He's an incredible man. He made pizza and then people were like,
are you done?
And he turned around and he said, fuck off,
I'm making a second one.
Pizza, pizza.
Whoa.
Yeah.
He did all that stuff.
Many history and literature enthusiasts celebrated every year.
You could throw your own I.D.s in March theme party
or simply enjoy the festivities by appreciating
Roman culture, art and history.
Don't mind if I do.
There's I.Ds of every month, right?
It's just the middle of the month.
Well, except for February, huh?
That'd be the 14th, which we celebrated Valentine's Day.
Except on a leap year.
Then it's the 14th and a half.
Not a day, and you know that better than anyone.
Oh, so the 29th is the day, not just a made up number?
Right, enjoying the heights of March.
Drink a glass of wine to honor Julius Caesar. Come on, I was already doing that. Right, enjoying the heights of March.
Drink a glass of wine to honor Julia Caesar.
Come on, I was already doing that.
Yeah, come on man.
Is it in the day that ends in wine?
Yeah, it's a day that ends in wine for me.
If you don't like wine,
you can make a bloody Caesar cocktail.
Wait hold on, let me ask St. Gavir's like that.
The day that ends in wine?
What if we made our own brand of,
in the same way that we did coffee,
what if we did our own brand of like wine?
Oh juice, someone's pulled up a screen shot.
Okay.
Now juice, why don't you tell the class
what you shared in the visual space with the three of us?
Now?
It's just a real picture of Julius Caesar
what he really looked like,
and I thought you guys would be awesome.
I love this shit.
I love when it's like.
I mean, you guys are interested to see
what Julius Caesar actually looks like.
When it's like skin doctors and VFX artists
and all kinds of people made a rendering
of what Julius Caesar would look like
if he was a real guy if he was a real guy and it never looks awesome.
No, he looks like, um, like a high school vice principal who maybe thought his life was going to go a little bit differently.
Yeah.
He looks like young Bill Nye, who has been inflated like a balloon a little bit.
Yeah.
Which is cool.
Um, make him go away, please.
Thank you.
For a more authentic experience, you
can mix your wine with a little bit of water,
which is how the ancient Romans drank their wine.
I'm already doing that.
I'm already doing that.
I'm already doing that.
I'm already doing that.
I'm already doing that.
Watch movies and documentaries to learn more
about Julius Caesar's life.
Pretty boring.
Yeah, fuck that.
Do they ever make a cool, you know how
like Hollyweird has made a few versions of those boring ass plays from the Great Bard,
but they made them with like sexy people in them and cool guns.
Yeah, I mean like Abraham Lincoln vampire hunter.
Yes.
Okay, good.
That's precisely what I meant.
Make a Caesar salad for lunch.
Now, I'm not sure what the other, the name is the name.
I don't think my man, but I don't even know if back then
they had the technology where this Roman man in 43 BC
was like, bring me my favorite shit.
That lettuce chopped up so clean.
Y'all know croutons though, right?
Yeah.
Give me some of that creamy funky and chovy dressing too. Just how I like Yeah. Give me some of that creamy, funky, and chovy dressing too.
Just how I like it.
Give me one of the least-
You heard me, salads of salad.
The salad with the least vegetables on it.
The wettest one you got.
Yeah, you heard me right, little toasty cubes of bread.
From the mind that brought you cut the baby out
instead of pushing it.
Yeah.
Comes little toasty cubes of bread.
Straight off the dome, y'all.
It's the new Caesar.
You got stinky fish? the little salty stinky fish.
Put them on there.
No, you don't want to put them on there?
Grind them up in the sauce.
That's right, I'm putting sauce on this salad.
I made up sauce.
It's awesome what he's done for us all.
Act out Julius Caesar with a few of your friends.
I've done that.
I was in Julius Caesar, I mean I was in Julius Caesar. You were in it. Who did you play in Julius Caesar? I played done that. I was in Julius Caesar. Yeah, you were in it.
Who did you play in Julius Caesar?
I played Casca.
The first stabber.
It's not the main role.
Not a lot of lines, except speak hands for me.
Which is one of the cooler things you can say when stabbing a guy.
That is pretty good.
But he is the first one.
And I feel like a lot of the tone of that stabbing
was established by the first guy who did it.
Yeah, I mean, you really said everybody else
was just gonna kind of like politely stab.
And if you don't come in and go for it,
oh, we were just gonna get his fingers.
There had to be at least one person in the crew
that was like, I thought we were joking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The cost could just went for it.
I told the director, I should have more lines I
Said give me I said Brutus. He's one of the last stabbers on that stage
I should as the first one I should get most of his lines
I feel like yes, what they added they added a lot of lines and I remember most of it was like
Yo, I don't know anything about Caesar, but if you guys are going to stab somebody, I'm in and I will be first.
I will be first and you all can be last, but whoever were stabbed.
And like in the scene, like right before Ed Tube Brute,
there's a scene they added where Koska is standing behind him like,
Is this the dude?
Is him?
Yeah.
Is this the guy?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? Yeah. Is this the guy? Is this him? Is this him? Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him?
Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? Is this him? And then the second guy would come up and he stabbed and then I walked up like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You gotta go down with it.
You can't go in and out.
You go down and you gotta do a ver...
Just get everybody, give me your knives.
I did 40 knives all at once.
What was your final scene?
They had one more line for you, Griffin, at the end.
It was like, no, no, no, that guy grabbed my hand.
You all saw it.
He made me do it.
I didn't want to stab.
You all know, I've always said, I'm not a stabby person.
Yeah.
Wait, did you say in the previous scene, friends from a countryman,
lend me your knives?
Yeah, I did say that because I was going to burn all those knives
so that it didn't happen again.
I, I, I'm all about knife control.
You guys know.
I hate to.
I've always hated stabbing so much.
You dudes know this about me.
Plan a trip to Rome to celebrate in Caesar City.
Sure, I'll do that for March of the 15th, absolutely.
I guess if you're looking for an excuse.
Yeah.
Okay, hosting an I'd So March party. Plan your party on March an excuse. Yeah. Okay. Hosting and I'd say March party plan your party on March 15th.
Yeah.
Ideally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Probably decorate for the party using a white, red and gold color scheme.
Caesar's often depicted wearing a white Toga with red accents and gold jewelry.
So these are great colors to use for your party.
Okay.
Also purple is and purple.
It's a purple is another popular done something with March 16th.
Oh.
Doesn't it feel like it's kinda weird.
Well that's when he came back from the dead.
And he rolled the stone away.
Then the same Patrick's Day is the 17th.
It feels like there should be a day,
like can we have the 16th or like can that be a free period?
Yeah.
16th should be a make your own holiday.
It is weird that they make us go back to school
for the sixteenth, we get off the fifteenth
for Isdemarks, we get off the seventeenth
for St. Patrick's Day, but you gotta go that
one day in the middle, ugh.
Yeah. Come on, man.
Serve traditional Roman foods for dinner,
make a large platter with grapes, cool, figs,
sure, cheeses, sometimes, and olives, no,
for an appetizer.
For dinner cook.
Did you just say no to olives?
Never.
Across the board?
And a million years.
I mean, they can be there
cause they look like so Roman.
Like it's gonna feel very authentic.
It's better that they're there,
it feels classier that they're there.
Yeah, but they're into the night,
they're still gonna be there for dinner.
Serve meat like lamb, beef, pork or chicken in a light vegetable stock with cooked vegetables
Which was popular dinner for wealthy Romans. So cool. That's so soup
Make some soup
Yeah, that was another part in the Julius Caesar play that I added
I was in the background cooking up a big old culture to soup
Oh and just like every scene would end with like clank clank clank soups on JC. That is why you guys added after you guys stabbed him all the soup shot out from four different places of his body.
I understand I was so confused why that happened.
He ate all the soup and you guys were mad.
And for a college theater production version of Julia Caesar. There was a Spider-Man turn off the dark level
of injuries taking place on that stage.
Because you can't get that much soup up.
No, no, no, no.
The show would be four hours long if you got it.
Theater still smells like chicken soup to this day.
Theater did, yeah.
The stage is warped.
Yeah.
From all of it.
From all the sides.
Learning more about Roman history. Research the life and death of Julius Caesar. He was a guy he did a lot
He took he was like head
He was H. He was HBC. Yeah, and this badass dude named Koska was like no fucking way
You know here and and Iced that prick so the the person right in this article
So the idea is like so what are you doing
for the Idle of March? Like, oh, no, I'm going back and forth. I might fly to Rome or make
soup. Read a book. I might make soup and read a book or fly to Rome. I haven't really decided.
A bunch of my friends are going to pretend to murder one of my friends real, real, real bad.
I might put a documentary on in the background. Do you think so? Do you think Costco asked him on
the 14th like so what are you doing for I'd some March?
Like what on earth is walking to work? What do you mean?
What path you taking?
Strangler stuff.
Any shadowy passages? We're sound like people.
I'd by the way.
Yeah, I've never heard it before.
It's weird. Hey, you don't ides by the way? Yeah, what's that? I've never heard it referred to that before. It's weird.
Hey, you don't have a lot of money on March Banders,
do you Caesar?
No, why?
Oh, it's just, I didn't want you to look forward to it.
Hey, hey, Kossky, you took my ballot
before I was done filling it out.
Like, that's all you'll leave.
It'd be dope if the fucking soothsayer was like,
beware the eyes of March and also Villanova to sweep.
It's a Cinderella.
Okay, so Cinderella, there's this girl, right?
No, dad.
You know what?
You don't need to worry about it.
You don't?
You actually have everyone here?
You're good.
Tell you what, why don't we take a break
and we'll go to Money Zone
and then we'll come back and do even more show
than we've already done.
I can't wait.
Yeah.
Look around.
It's better.
It's better with you.
Sorry, I'm not gonna be able to record
the rest of the episode.
I have to go to the post office.
That's terrible timing,
travel really unprofessional.
Well, it's time to finally send off
the thank you notes from mine and Teresa's wedding.
Oh good.
It was about 10 years ago.
Yeah, I know, man.
But postage has just gotten more expensive,
so it's gonna cost me, you know, like two hours
or two legs, you know what I mean?
It's gonna take me all day to drive to the post office.
I don't know where it is.
I don't know how to find it.
I'm so scared.
No one knows where it is.
It's dark out here, so I won't be able
to be on the rest of the show.
Well, Trav, tough shit.
Okay.
What?
I'll see you guys later.
Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.
No Trav, if you walk away now, don't ever come back. Oh man. Because stamps. walk. No, Trav walk walk walk walk if you walk away now. Yeah, don't ever don't ever come back
Oh, man because stamps comm is here. Oh, okay to solve this problem for you
Am I but am I to tell you how I?
Seem so postage rates they did go up again Travis. What? So stamps.com is the best,
where you were really hoping to get out of here
to go visit the post office.
I've been listening to a book on tape
and I was excited to finish it in the car.
For sure.
Yeah?
Now it's right next to that.
It's right next to that.
It's right next to that quiz nose.
Oh, the last one.
The last surviving quiz nos.
Luckily stamps.com has the best discounts
in the industry with rates you can't find anywhere else.
Like up to 89% off USPS and UPS.
That makes me worried about it.
That's so little.
Basically all of it, basically.
Keep something for yourself, guys.
Please.
You are sponsoring us.
So in some ways, we depend on you
making some amount of revenue.
You get access to the USPS and UPS mailing services
you need to run your business right from your computer
anytime, day or night, no lines, no traffic, no waiting,
no bailing on your fucking brothers
in the podcast that you swore to do.
If you need a package pickup,
you can easily schedule it through your stamps.com dashboard.
That's maybe the most valuable service I feel like they own.
I still to this day,
I'm not 100% sure how one gets a package picked up.
So it sounds like stamps.com.
I wait until, I sometimes just wait by the door peeking out
to see if I can see the post to work or coming.
And then I'm like, oh, could you take this?
Uh-huh.
Is this and is this part of it?
And there's a way now to do that without that interaction, which would be any amount of money for.
Keep your mailing and shipping moving at the speed of your business with stamps.com.
Sign up with promo code, my brother, for a special offer that includes a four week trial, plus free postage
and a free digital scale.
No long term commitments or contracts. just go to stamps.com,
click the microphone at the top of the page
and enter code, my brother.
Folks, you wanna take some steps
to start getting your money right?
You wanna start figuring out your budget,
figuring out where it's all going,
how can you keep more of it?
Rockin' Money is a great first step
that is really easy to use.
This is an app that's going to help you figure out your finances.
One big way that I know a lot of people have saved money is they can look for unwanted
subscriptions in your transaction history and not only tell you about them, remind you about them.
In my case, a lot of the time, they'll help you cancel them.
This really works. I did this. I said, hey, cancel this for me.
I don't want to deal with it. And they're like, yeah, OK, no problem. This really works. I did this. I said, hey cancel this for me. I don't want to deal with it.
And they're like, yeah, okay, no problem.
That's great.
That's an incredibly invaluable service.
Sometimes like just going through the navigation menus
on the thing, like, no, I really do want to cancel.
No, I don't want to cheap or no.
Yes, it was an accident.
I tried getting out of Yu-Gi-Oh's dual master academy
five or six times unsuccessful.
But they were able to walk their way through his mini traps.
Yeah.
Is there a setting on there I can toggle Justin
that'll tell me subscription services
in things I would like?
Like, I think you're out of this,
but here's the, they'll send you makings
of a great grilled cheese every month.
If you want to do that, I'd be way into that, man.
Yeah, I canceled, I canceled BBC and the Rocket Money said, oh, shit, you gotta get on
Acorn. They got Miss Marple Mysteries in it. If you shit out, bro, it doesn't try to upsell you.
It just helps you save money. It is a, it's a great app. And that's just the tip of the
iceberg. There's lots of other ways it can help you out. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash my brother. That's rocketmoney.com slash
my brother rocketmoney.com slash my brother.
Back for another game.
You know it.
What's going on?
Just one more week till Max Fun Drive.
Hard to believe.
It's been a heck of a year since the last one.
We're now a work-owned co-op.
We raised $50,000 for charity last year.
And we've added a bunch of awesome new shows.
But do you think we're ready to do it again?
Absolutely.
Lovely new gifts are lined up.
The episodes will be amazing.
And wait till everyone hears the bonus content.
Yeah, plus they know to go to MaximumFun.org slash newsletter so they're getting all the news.
Oh, like that meetup day is on Thursday, March 21st.
Then what's bothering you?
Me? Oh, nothing.
We're all set for Max Fun Drive to start on Monday, March 18th.
I just didn't want you to see this coming.
Check.
What? Hang on!
I just didn't want you to see this coming. Check!
What?
Hang on!
Most of the plants humans eat are technically grass.
Most of the asphalt we drive on is almost a liquid.
The formula of WD-40 is San Diego's greatest secret.
Zippers were invented by a Swedish immigrant love story.
On the podcast Secretly Incredibly Fascinating,
we explore this type of amazing stuff.
Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks.
Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast,
Secretly Incredibly Fascinating.
Find us by searching for the word
secretly in your podcast app.
And at Maximumfun.org.
I am six feet tall.
Neither my wife nor my friends accept that I'm six feet tall.
I have let them measure me.
Despite the results proving I'm right,
they refuse to accept this fact.
They say I don't seem six feet tall.
Brothers, how can I act differently to make myself seem taller? That's from six feet falsehood.
Trav, you're almost six feet tall. How does this? Depending on the day, Justin.
Yeah, I feel like you're, you're right on this like line, right? Hey,
it seems very notable. Hold up.
This split between 511 and six. Are we saying Travis is 511? I'm not
No, I have tall energy. I agree. I'm pretty sure I'm taller than Travis. I'm fine
I'll be you slouch. Yeah, so when I don't I'm like a proud eagle. I'm five ten
Albatross. Yeah, we're both five but I don't wear tall shoes. I wear heels right that much taller than me
I'm I just a little guy you You are a little guy, probably.
Should I be sitting lower than you?
What are you, are you 5'9"?
5'8"?
Oh man.
5'6"?
5'7"?
5'6"?
5'6"?
5'6"?
Yeah, I thought it was 5'6".
I'm gonna carry you in my pocket.
I'm not four inches taller than you.
Fucking tall. I am weird ass. taller than you. Shut up, you tall fucking tall giant weirdo.
Listen to me, a normal man.
I thought I was five seven for a long time
and I felt pretty good about it.
And then when I measured myself and found out I was five six,
it really turned everything on its fucking head.
I'm sorry, Justin, I had no idea.
Yeah, I just thought I was five seven for a long time.
Wait a second, short king though.
Yeah, no one cares about five 10 kings.
No one ever. Here's the. No one. No one.
Five 10.
Ever.
Here's the problem with being six foot tall.
Exactly.
It sounds like the made up number that you say when you're actually five 11 or five
10.
It does.
It does.
It sounds like you're rounding up.
And I don't know what to tell you about when someone says you don't seem six foot.
What they're saying is I feel like you're lying.
If you say I'm six feet tall you're't seem six foot. What they're saying is, I feel like you're lying. If you say I'm six feet tall, you're five 11.
If you say I'm around six feet, you're five 10.
Yeah.
I'm almost six feet.
It's basically six feet.
If you say almost you're five nine.
Justin tells people he's approaching six feet.
Yeah.
Which is.
I'm not.
I'm not even if you round.
I'm just five six.
Yeah.
I don't think that. I can't believe I'm four inches tall. Justin, if you try to wear your clothes shoes. This is what I'm saying even if you round. I'm just five, six. Yeah. I don't think that.
I can't believe I'm four inches tall.
This is what I'm saying to you.
I know I'm right because I have no reason to lie.
And you guys have bought into this whole tall boys,
hot guys, tall guys, hot guys mindset.
My height has nothing to do with my hotness,
save for the fact that there is four inches more of it.
Yeah, and fucking say that because you are tall.
And you are not recognizing all your tallness.
Five-ten is not tall.
You're both giants.
You're taller.
Listen, yes, Griffin and I are walking
giants in the land of short kings.
Yes, obviously this is true,
but I'm saying that I know that there are people taller
than me and that's what keeps me humble as a five-bed king.
I understand that.
Yeah, I'm a giant, but they're a super giant.
I love me.
Who might even be as tall as six-two, six-three.
I've heard of that.
I've heard of it.
I've never seen it, but, and it's nice.
I can see things.
Dick and Babe Mutombo, six-one. Yeah. I can see things to Kim dick in bed my tumbo six one. Yeah, I
Can't think of the other one
But I know that there is at least one other person taller than then if I was six feet tall
Do you guys know how often how often I would lay my body down?
to
Measure the relative distance of things in a perfect,
incredibly useful, like reference stick of my
sitting-wise perfect six-foot body.
Oh, that would be nice.
You can measure a room so easily.
I don't know if this is weird or not, guys.
I'm 5'10".
My wingspan, fingertip to fingertip, it's like 6'4".
Is that normal?
Should, am I wider than I am?
Tall?
That's what it says.
I think a lot of people are, but maybe not that dramatic.
Powerful ones.
Everyone's is beautiful.
Yeah, everyone's is beautiful.
Particularly John Cena, according to my chat box.
According to your chat box, John Cena.
Since we did that bit has just been printing out over and over again.
I saw a screenshot of that from the future.
His skin looked flawless.
I don't know if that man was just in makeup for hours.
It's amazing.
You got wrestle oil on him.
I have a list of the tallest countries
and their average height.
Like elevation?
So I can tell you guys,
if you guys tell me your height,
I can tell you what country where you would blend in.
Five, 10. For five, height, I can tell you what country where you would blend in. Five ten. For five ten, I'm gonna, I'm gonna whisk you away at five ten.
I'm gonna get you into Hungary. Hungary, the average is five ten. So you're gonna blend in
there really, really good. You can also check out Serbia or Spain.
Those options are all most of the best country. Canada is very close.
So we and Canada is five 10. So you could just go up to Canada.
Yeah, man. How come? Why did you lead with all the other ones?
I can tell you to be excited about mixing it up.
How come we've never done a tier list of all the countries to figure out which ones is is the best one. I mean, I have it by height.
Oh, well, I don't think that's how we would do it.
In the Daenerys Alps, the average height for a man is six foot and a half.
Let me ask you guys a question.
If pushed, if pushed, how many...
Would you follow the Alps, yes.
Would you follow the Alps?
How many states in the Union do you think you could name
on like a map, no names on the map,
you're just looking at a map of the United States
and you have to label the states.
How many out of 50 do you think you should get?
Sure, 50?
50?
All 50.
You get all 50?
Of the states?
You could name all of them.
Just looking at a map.
If I had a map of the states without the names on them,
could I name the states?
Say, hey, y'all, put someone right now.
We are teetering on the edge of a game right now
that I don't know.
Put a pin on it, we'll do it for that other thing.
Yeah, we'll do it for that other thing.
Okay, fine.
I think that will be thrilling.
Because I also think I could do 50,
and I didn't expect you guys to be so confident about it. That's what my reaction was right there.
They're the states.
They get blocky in the middle though.
It gets weird in the middle is all I was saying.
Blocky.
Where's the Dakotas?
You're saying that right now you're 100% certain in your blood that you could be like,
that's a Dakota.
That's a Dakota.
That's an Idaho.
That's a Nebraska. Idaho has an incredibly. That's an Idaho. That's a Nebraska.
Idaho has an incredibly distinctive shape.
It's on the...
It's on the Elf.
It's on the Elf.
It's on the Elf.
The Elf man in the center of America.
I don't think Idaho is on the Elf man in the center.
You don't think he's on the Elf man?
Oh no.
Here's the thing.
I don't think...
I don't know if 50?
Louisiana's the boot.
I know Louisiana's the boot of the Elfman.
Yeah, great.
I think I get 100% name them.
I'm like 90% that I could assign them to the correct.
That's what I'm talking about.
Assign them to the correct ones.
Not just naming them Griffin.
Assigning.
Originally you just moved the goalpost.
No, I said a blank map.
You could name them.
I meant like label them correct.
We should each get our own map.
Let's just fill it in and see who does what.
Listen.
Do you guys want another question?
Wow.
I really thought that that was going to be a chunky guitar riff.
Yeah, man.
I like to keep everybody.
Can we actually, hey, you know what?
What?
Huh?
I want a lunch.
Quad. I want too much. Quad. I want too much. Squad.
We got, Griff.
Just an eight cheetah.
Yeah, man.
It was good.
Hey, Griffin, I have a question for you about the cheetah that didn't occur to me until
I was enjoying the cheetah.
Enjoying?
Hey, guys, have you ever heard of a little dish?
I like to call this really good.
Flip your mind.
It's a little Italian dish. It to call this really gonna flip your mind.
It's a little Italian dish.
Yeah.
It's called chicken parmesan.
Yeah.
This is just, you guys are now realizing that,
although it seemed profane,
it is really just chicken parmesan.
Oh no, Justin, I realized that when we were originally
talking about the chita, it just seemed like
comedy poison to bring up, to be having a lot of fun.
Well, you're talking about the big, oh, do you hate chicken Parmesan? I'll pull it back. I'll pull it back.
You know how when you're at Maggiano's little Italy, having an authentic
meal at the mall. And you say, one, a chicken Parmigiano please. And they say
molto bene and they go and they get it and they bring it back and they put it on the table
and you say, oh, thank you for my chizza.
And then you pick it up with your hands.
Well, you would have to.
Pepperoni on it.
And it's from KFC, yeah.
You would have to say Griffin.
And it's crunchy.
Could I get a double chicken parmesan?
Don't, I don't know, not two plates.
Here this one, man.
Flip that one upside down on the other one.
Bring it out.
It's really important though, it's not a sandwich.
When you get the cheeta, it's just two chicken breasts
with cheese sloppily melted on top of it
and pepperoni and sauce.
And it's delicious.
I mean, it's delicious.
I didn't eat the whole thing obviously.
Like I can't do that to myself at this age,
but like it was delicious.
Do the chicken fit together? No, no, no. it's like to it's not a sandwich. In what way is it a pizza?
Because it's they like a crust out of fried chicken. No, no, no what you described is two pieces of chicken with cheese on it
Yeah, but yeah, but like they put sauce on it, too. The cheese I have to imagine
binds the two
chicken patties
together somewhat, right?
Yes, yes, it is a more cohesive unit.
Okay, Travis, you're getting confused
and I don't blame you because the construction
of this thing is outrageous.
I will door dash KFC to both of your homes.
No, please don't do that.
And they will show up and you can enjoy them.
No, here's the problem, if you do that,
if you do that, my wife will not believe that you did it and I didn't.
She won't believe that.
That's an issue.
If you do that to my home,
just go ahead and call the ambulance to,
if you could do,
they don't let you schedule ambulances
to be like 30 minutes after this cheetah shows up.
I bet they would appreciate it.
As busy as I bet they are,
especially in DC, it's a very populated area.
If you're like, I'm gonna need an ambulance
in about 45 minutes,
I bet they would really appreciate that.
I think we're all about handheld ways
to eat our favorite treats.
For example, this one is just coming to me in my head.
Little Caesars has launched handheld pizza puffs.
I was watching the floor and the
category was snacks and a hot pocket was on screen and the lady who was trying to guess,
she yells, Totino's pizza puffs, pizza puffs, Totino's pizza puffs. And that's not, and I was
like, I told Sydney she's got to stop because I'm getting so hungry for Tatino's pizza puffs and they don't exist. That's not real. Yeah. And then two days later,
Lil Cesar's is launching handheld pizza puffs. How big? How big? Well, Trav, we're the home of
hot and ready pizzas redefining handheld goodness with the launch of Crazy Puffs. These bites.
Wait, are they Crazy Puffs now? Yeah, they're crazy puffs now.
These bite-sized pockets of pizza perfection
are a versatile option for,
and it says here, any dining occasion
and are perfect as your new red shirt.
Thank you so much for coming.
He would have appreciated you being here.
Yeah, it's hard to say goodbye to grandpa.
Be sure to try the pizza puffs.
The crazy puffs.
You're gonna love them.
They serve them.
It's handheld, yeah.
I know.
Try the game.
You served them on him like a weird artsy sushi.
It's what he wanted.
It's what he needed.
He was a nasty boy.
He was a nasty fuck.
It's perfect as your new road trip companion,
lunchtime hero, crowd pleasing treat and game day in VP.
These pizza pups.
And it could be all those things at once.
It does have that like really funky little Caesar's like
sprinklers. I'll tell you all about it.
The new crazy puffs contains the crave worthy flavors of a classic pizza
Oh wrapped in a handheld golden flaky crust
You know pizza was already pretty handheld right like pizza by definition. I wasn't having a hard time picking that bad boy
But you have to understand Travis for something to to be like an on the go food anymore,
it has to be feasible to eat while you're hurtling down
the American highway.
With one hand on the wheel,
just trying to keep it between the navigational
getting away from the smoky.
You know what I mean?
You gotta get out of there.
It's wrapped in a handheld called
Melty mozzarella cheese, sizzling pepperoni or classic cheese if you prefer
Now what is the use case now?
What is the use case of classic here and it says classic cheese old?
Do you mean to different like this is the classic pizza puff that you know and love
Yeah, I think there's also pepperoni. I think it's amazing. Like maybe, I'm not gonna say Nobel Prize,
but definitely prize worthy.
Little Caesar's is finally created.
Like pizza inside kind of a pillow shaped container.
I have to assume.
No, you sound like balls.
Are they balls?
Some kind of container that one could eat
maybe after a soccer game or like while you're watching a movie with friends.
Or for four years in college. Yeah, something like that.
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or maybe like one a minute every minute for 60 minutes
if you're sponsored to do it. I'm trying really hard to help you guys visualize, okay? There's
melty mozzarella cheese, sizzling pepperoni, or classic cheese if you prefer why did they say that after the pepperoni
Or okay wait is it pepperoni and cheese or just cheese just cheese?
Okay, and I thought they were saying mozzarella or classic cheese and little Caesar's legendary sauce are nestled inside waiting to
Explode with flavor in every bite, but it says, the fun doesn't stop there.
Oh, thank God.
What?
From what fun am I?
I've just had a hot pizza explode on me
while hurtling down the highway going 95 miles an hour.
Good news on that front for these head held bites.
Each crazy puff gets drizzled with a buttery garlic flavor.
So now it's slippery. Oh, OK. for these handheld bites, each crazy puff gets drizzled with a buttery garlic flavor.
So now it's slippery.
Oh, okay.
And dusted with a secret blend of Italian herbs and spices.
There it is.
Adding layers of complexity
that will utilize taste buds everywhere.
These puffs have been nominated for a James Beard Award.
Fuck Cheetah.
I do want these though.
Pretty bad.
I think the next season of the bear.
No, sprinkle it.
Yeah.
Fuck.
You guys have you seen the bear Travis?
Cause that's not what that show is like.
Like I've seen every episode of the bear.
How dare you?
We the quote on this one is frankly unhinged.
We know our customers live busy lives says Greg Hamilton Hamilton, the CMO of Little Caesars.
Why else would they be eating Little Caesars?
Hot and ratty.
I mean, basically, we know our customers live busy lives.
That's why we created Crazy Puffs.
Crazy Puffs.
Crazy Puffs.
You guys are busy, so we invented crazy puffs.
Does this help at all?
It seems like some executive was like,
I don't feel like this press release
justifies our actions for what we've done here enough.
We need an explanation to that.
We owe them an explanation.
The history deserves accountability,
and that is what we're doing here.
Someday, the future will look back on this moment
and ask why?
And we need to give them a reason.
Listen, because this is honestly, it's demented, okay?
These are usually fun.
This one crosses the line.
We know our customers live busy lives.
That's why we created Crazy Puffs
to deliver the iconic Little Caesars experience
in a handheld format, perfect for anyone on the go.
Your whole shit is about hot and ready pizza.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Who is that like, oh, Little Caesars, I love it, but I don't have two hours to sit in a restaurant? What are you talking about? Who is that like, oh, little Caesars, I love it,
but I don't have two hours to sit in a restaurant.
What are you talking about?
It's little Caesars.
You don't even have to stop fully.
You can bring your card in like a five-mile-hour crawl,
roll out, get a pizza, throw $10 in their face,
and get back on your feet.
They have cornered an exceptional market that shows the level of foresight that is truly
astonishing of being the pizza restaurant you go to when you have thrown a party and ordered pizza
from another place and it's not enough and you're like fuck I need more pizza immediately.
Right this second. I need to tack on small ball pizzas to my regular pizza.
Now here if little Caesars wants to crack the code here's the next innovation they need to figure out.
I know exactly what you're gonna say.
As you're sitting there like oh fuck we didn't order enough.
Oh there's already little Caesars here.
You need quantum pizza.
That's like the moment you realize you forgot to get pizza. They've already delivered it to have to exist already
Yeah, it actually has to already always be that technology is harder than what I thought you were going to suggest which was
Little Caesars pizza with a topping of crazy
No, I wasn't thinking that but I like that that's definitely coming down the pipe next Super Bowl
So I want to finish this quote. I just wanna finish this quote.
Whether you're conquering errands,
cheering on your team,
or need a mid-afternoon pick-me-up,
crazy puffs are your delicious answer.
Now, I wanna zoom in on I need a mid-afternoon pick-me-up.
Now listen, I, Justin McRoy, have been in this headspace
many, many times where I think nothing has gone right
for me today, and I'm driving past little Caesar's,
and I'm here to tell you friends,
I haven't tried this exact delicacy,
but there is no reality on the planet
that after you make the decision to have some mid-afternoon
crazy puffs, afterwards your mood is more elevated than it was before.
Now I'm psyched.
My, I'm imaged.
I will say this, you will have some choice worse for yourself
and maybe a day's worth of choice thoughts about your own impulse control.
You're not going to feel better about the pizza puffs.
That's not a mid-afternoon pick me up.
That is a mid-afternoon nap inducer
We can go lay on the floor for a couple hours
I would I would also just listening to the way they've described the ingredients and toppings and coatings and whatnot of these crazy puffs
Unless you have in your car a
Working sink where you can wash your hands. I don't know how it's hand-held
where you can wash your hands. I don't know how it's handheld.
The idea that portability is the draw here
when these are the slimmiest.
The slimmiest?
They advertise the slipperiness and the dustiness.
Now if they give you a crazy puff size straw,
that just lets you, what does it say?
Like a sheet of clay, yeah.
Like a boba?
Yeah, it just lets me boba those babies up
as I'm driving a super long hose.
Basically that's dope.
What we invented is a cheese drink
where the pepperonis are bobas,
because fuck everything.
Yeah, man.
And you know what?
While you do it, you have to put on these blinders
because who cares about road safety or whatever, have fun.
I would party on these, I think.
But I would need to plan a retreat around the consumption
of these things to fit them into the life I live now.
In order for these things, these things would so completely
knock me off the block that I would be useless to my wife and children
for 36 hours following.
I would need to rent a cabin and have a spotter with me
to get through these.
Let me see them.
Yeah, you got any plants this weekend Griffin?
Those don't look like what I thought
they were gonna look like juice.
I was imagining almost donut hole
These are almost like little quiches. There's they're tiny. They look like tiny quiches is what they should
When my say boys if I may tiny pizzas
Yeah, I don't listen I'm not gonna sit here and poo poo your suggestions tiny deep dish pizzas. They're totally outrageously great
I mean they look so good. They look like tiny pizzas and there's more to this quote
The press release rather these portable pockets of pizza joy come in two flavors pepperoni and cheese
Ensuring there's something for everyone. Well, sure. Now guys, you can't just say something.
That's not what two things means.
Whether you want pepperoni or cheese.
Everyone likes either cheese or pepperoni.
Everybody eats cheese.
Everyone needs cheese.
Everyone needs cheese.
A four pack of crazy puffs is just 3.99.
Or level up a meal time routine with a hot and ready combo
meal that includes a favorite pizza
along with a side of Crazy Puffs.
Crazy Puffs are more than just snacks.
They're handheld happiness.
They're the perfect size for single serving satisfaction.
Why deal for sharing with friends and-
How big are they?
Will bring a smile to your face
with every bite.
Crazy puffs are coming to Little Caesars nationwide on March 11th,
which is not today as we've established.
Yes, but several days in the future.
Can I get out Thursday before the Oscars?
I, I, I remember a time before he was driving the Little
Caesars.
I think yes.
Before it was cool to talk about video games in public.
Right, back when I was just whispers
and then Madden came around
and everybody loved video games all of a sudden.
Casually throwing level up your signing
when nothing else in this press release
has had anything to do.
It has not summoned up, Mr. Mario has not mentioned.
There's nothing happening,
so just like, or you can level up your guy.
What the fuck are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
Level it up, dude.
Hey, are there a lot of dudes reading this press release?
Good news, dudes.
We made pizza small.
Level up.
When you're surfing cyberspace with your gamer, bros.
Time to hack flavor.
And do the do with your kids bros. Time to hack flavor. And do the do with your kids or whatever.
Smash these pizza chodes.
Hey, thank you so much for listening.
Sorry I said chodes so much this episode.
So much this episode.
But it was so relevant, I guess.
They're not on DoorDash yet,
but I'm sure they'll just update.
No, there they are.
Hello, gorgeous. You're coming with me. Hey guys, but I'm sure it's just update. No, there they are. Hello, gorgeous.
You're coming with me.
Hey, guys, keep an eye on your doors.
No, please don't call out.
You got a date.
They let Little Caesars in DC.
It seems like the elites would have come to town.
Yeah, I'm in surface range.
Good.
OK, good.
Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast.
My brother, my brother and me, we really appreciate it.
You're the best.
Speaking of deep dish pizza, we're coming to Chicago.
Yeah, baby.
Bears.
Um, we're coming to C2E2 and doing two live shows in April on April 24th.
We're going to be doing my brother, my brother and me, which is nearly sold out.
And April 25th, we're doing Taz, which is almost sold out as well.
So get those tickets now.
April 26th through 28th, we're going to be at C is almost all that as well. So get those tickets now, April 26th through 28th.
We're gonna be at C2E2.
We'll be announcing that schedule soon.
The C2E2 badges are available now,
but you do not need a badge to attend the live shows.
Tickets for those shows go on sale,
well, they're already on sale now.
So go get them.
What are you waiting for, you fools?
You can go to bit.ly slash Macroy Tours
for the ticket links and more info.
Also, we've got a newsletter.
If you're not signed up for that,
you're not finding out about like Griffin's exercise tips
or my life hacks or like Justin puts a lot of just like
musings in there.
But mostly it's information about like
what's coming up and important stuff
and you should check that out.
bit.ly slash Macroy newsletter.
Can I talk about the merch?
Yeah, please.
Got merch over at macroemerge.com.
There's a fungal or sticker pack designed by Dana Wagner.
That is really delightful.
You can put it on your five star binders, whatever.
Naming of the year's poster designed by Samara Jethwa,
which is a rad sort of artistic take on all of the different names we've come
up with for these incredible years of ours. There's a little Sailor Man pin of me, and 10% of all
proceeds this month will go to the Foundation for Black Women's Wellness, which works to
radically transform Black women's health by creating a world where Black women and girls
live long, happy and thriving lives defined by healthy healthy minds, bodies and spirits. All that over at macroemerge.com. And hey,
thanks to Montaigne for these four theme songs. My life is better with you.
Clubbanger didn't get the Oscar this year according to my algorithm that I built here,
but maybe next time. You never know. You don't, never.
Justin, do you want to read the wish this week?
I would love that, actually. we have a wish for fungall
Order here. We're just elevating and amplifying
She already will hear it. We know that for sure
I wish ice cream was just a little bit less cold
Ice cream.
Or just a little bit less cold.
My name is Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy.
I'm Griffin McElroy.
He's been my brother, my brother,
he kissed your dad's square on the lips.
My life is better with you My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah's better, it's better with you It's better with you
My life
Ah, it's better, it's better with you
Is this true?
Ah, it's better, it's better with you
My life
Ah, it's better with you.