My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 703: GDP: Good Darn Podcasts
Episode Date: March 18, 2024Curl up at the foot of our rocking chair, the big brothers have got some Good Darn advice about making friends, getting free donuts, and collecting all the jewels. The one caveat is that we can only t...ell you about it when your mouth is full of dental tools. Suggested talking points: And Bump it With You, You Can't Raise an Alpha Scorpion, Clean Grift for Boomer Jewels, Love Root Canal, Stake-Happy Adventure Jockeys Foundation for Black Women’s Wellness: https://www.ffbww.org/ MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.
Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall
I haven't seen it. Also this show isn't for kids
which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for
listening.
What's up you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful
A small acquaintance has blossomed
It's ripened into a precious friendship
I could have never seen what was coming for me
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
My life, it feels like
Life, ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
My life, ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
This is true, ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with two
My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I'm Travis McRoy and we've got a challenge this week. That's right, we're spending the next 1000 hours
trapped in this box.
Oh shit, how many buttons are in the box, Trav Nation?
There's over 10 million buttons in this box.
And when I press one will my mom and dad
pour rubber worms on me?
That'll happen and if you press the wrong one,
someone on Earth will die.
All right!
Welcome to the Max Fun Drive.
Wait, I didn't even say my name, did I?
No, go ahead.
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
I'm Griffin McElroy and I'm playing the flute
to get your rats and kids to run away
because it's time to pay the piper.
Yes, Max Fun Drive means it's time to dig into your,
now Travis, I, something occurred to me
when you were talking about this.
Yeah, what?
What's that Justin?
What is it that you need?
This is the first Max Fun Drive
where our failure or success.
Oh my gosh.
It's not a simple question of,
it's not my fa...
Like before last year when we didn't do as much
as we were quite hoping for.
When we didn't overdo it. Right, we did great. We didn't do as much as we were hoping for. Overdue.
Right? We did great.
We didn't go super great.
Like that was all of us failing.
Right, but this time.
I feel like if we don't hit our max fun drive goals this year,
then it is a reflection on Trav Nation
vis-a-vis being a failed state.
Oh boy.
Not only that, we can look at certain heuristics
and be like, Travis,
TravNation up in the Pacific Northwest,
that whole region, it's underperforming.
You need to drop a fortress in there.
You need to.
So this will be the first year
that we can check the TravNation GDP.
This is what you're telling me.
Exactly.
Okay.
And GDP means good darn podcasts.
And that's what we've tried to bring you all year long.
And now we ask you to please support that content
by joining the Max Fund Network,
which you could do for just five bucks a month.
Now, if you do five bucks a month,
there's a bajillion hours of bonus content over,
there's a lot.
I counted it up last year,
and it actually took me too long to count it.
That's how much there is. It's wild.
For my brother, my brother and me, me and Justin and Griffin
designed a one-shot RPG based off of Plato's Rave.
We did a Plato's Rave one-shot design.
For Taz this year, the three of us DM at the same time
for our one dad who then goes through Plato's Rave, the RPG experience.
It's next level. it's very good.
Not kidding, I think it's the best podcast we've ever.
Yeah.
I think as a two parter, it is our black album.
It is a-
But we've also got, I mean, Pranky Doodle Dandy
is in there.
If you're not a member already,
you don't even know what the fuck that means.
You gotta get down on Pranky Doodle to Andy.
Adventure is our mother, sir.
All the Max Fun shows.
All Max Fun shows.
I'll have this from all the years,
and that's for five bucks a month.
And listen, I'll just mention this,
because at 10 bucks a month,
you're gonna get all that stuff and a pen.
And the pens this year, these enamel pens,
they're back, pens are back and they are-
Choice.
Adorable.
Yeah.
So cute, I love all of our pins this year,
you've gotta check them out.
Well, more than that, you'll be proving to the haters
that the trawler is strong, that's a Travis story.
Whoa, the trawler?
We gotta prove that the trawler is strong.
A lot of people out here are saying
that it's completely worthless,
that it's just like printed out on paper
and you can only spend it at Travis stores
for Travis merch.
And that's just simply not true.
It's just that it does take a lot of trawlers
to equal $1.
And if we could bump that up a little bit,
I think that would really help
with some of our infrastructure problems.
If I'm being honest.
Boys, I was talking to Terry last night,
Terry Gross, and just sort of talking about some sort of like-
I hate it when you call it that, by the way.
It's a really mean nickname.
Yeah, well, I was talking to Terry,
and Terry was like,
yeah, it's important when you're doing a pledge drive
to make the people who might support you
sound like machines or royal subjects.
Theater bars.
Terry said that, so we're in the clear so far
with this particular drive break.
The main thing is that your pledge
is not just buying a gift.
That's a little thank you.
The money goes to help make these shows possible.
These are how we feed our family
and clothe our kids and pay our-
Protect ourselves from our enemies.
Yeah.
Show up our borders.
Everybody always talks about how cool our mode is
and notes don't pour themselves.
They do not.
The Trav army isn't gonna shoot itself.
I need you to help me buy shoes for the Trav army.
This is, this, we're able to-
The low gangs coming for me guys.
I don't know how to tell you guys this.
I've seen some storms on the horizon.
We've gotten some messenger birds.
I'm terrified.
Okay, we were able to do this important work
because of your support.
And it really does mean the world to us.
And if you can go to maximumfund.org forward slash join
and join up at five, 10, whatever feels comfortable.
They're higher levels and we'll talk about those later.
But if you can do that right now
while you're thinking about it,
then you can, you hear these pledge drive brakes,
you just space out, you know what I mean?
Or feel superior, even more so.
You can also upgrade if you're already a Max Fund member
and you're like, oh, I wanna go from five to 10 this year
and show even more support.
You can do that as well, it all counts.
Or if you're driving in your car,
you can roll windows down, turn the volume way up,
and drive real slow by bystanders on the street.
Yeah.
That's also super duper helpful.
That helps share the message.
And we've got some bonus goals ourselves
that we'll tell you about later,
but right now enough of the shilling time for the killing.
Killing.
Killing?
Like killing us, like, uh.
The both of you got there so fast, so effortlessly.
Yeah.
This is an advice show still.
And we are going to continue to help people.
Whether you like it or not.
No, hopefully you do like it.
Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've recently started going to a new gym,
one with classes.
So everyone comes and leaves at the same time.
It's CrossFit, but not CrossFit.
A class system, that's terrible.
There are a lot of supportive high fives
during the workout too, and from each other, we love this.
Whenever I'm leaving class,
I usually lift my hand to wave goodbye to everybody.
Every time without fail, someone thinks I'm going
for a high five, and I am in this awkward situation
where I'm denying one a high five
for the good of the group in my goodbye.
How do I make my waves less high fivable?
This is the level, just in case you're wondering,
this is the level we can help with.
Yeah, this is so perfect for us.
Yeah, this is exactly where we can assist.
This is from Waving Bye in Wisconsin sent this one in.
I don't know why Justin doesn't read the name.
Something, oh, cause he was just so inspired.
Sorry, did you just flip Goofy off?
Sorry, what was it?
Hey listen, if I slip one of you two a cold one mid show,
that's not for them.
That's right.
That's probably not gonna get the video clip edit on TikTok.
Because of the support of our Varmax fun supporters,
we've been able to do a lot more video content,
which means now I get to see,
because Justin has to do on camera,
when he flips one of us off.
Yeah, he makes- It's for you!
Not everything is for them!
It's a special- Some things I need you to know
and not them to know.
It's an undertone to the flavor of the energy
of the recording of the podcast, and now we all get to be a part of it
because of the support you've shown in the Max Fun Drive.
Thank you for letting me know when my brother
flips off my other brother.
I've been thinking about Lost a lot lately.
It's not important why, but you could do a Charlie move
and just write on your hand, like, not a high five.
That's cool.
And then you hold it up. People know.
That would be moving.
I mean...
Now they're all thinking of Lawson
just crying in the crossfit, you know?
I will say it's gotta be a tattoo
because otherwise you're gonna sweat that right off.
And that is gonna be.
Get your splats and you splat it right off your body.
Splat it and then you splat right off your body.
Aw man, I splatted in my ding ding palm.
There is a moment at the end of the gym,
I go to, at the end of the classes, where they're like,
and now if you want, fist bump your neighbor.
It's very like, if the spirit of Christ is moving you,
come on down and pulp it.
But like, everybody always fist bumps.
I have started to-
And bump it with you.
And bump it with you, also.
I've started drying my knuckles off
when the timer hits like 59 minutes and 30 seconds.
Like if I see that hit, I'm like, here it goes.
I don't wanna give someone a wet fist.
Do you remember back, there was a time,
I can't remember the setup for it,
but in our days of being church going youths,
where I think you just turned and shook hands
with everybody around you.
Yeah, that's pretty common at pretty much every church.
I remember reaching a certain age though,
where it became so strangely ironic.
Like I think I was just shaking hands
with like Justin and Griffin, like,
yeah guys, good job being here.
We're doing it, man.
Yeah, we were really set up to fail
in that one part of church.
The rest of the church we were great at.
Every other church.
There's a couple of different-
It's our highest endorsement.
You could do a couple different,
like a tip of the, do two finger salute, like, well.
Well, someone, an over eager beaver might see that
and be like, uh-oh, ramping up to a high five.
He's got two fingers up there,
let's get those other three piggies wiggling
and let's get a five going.
Is there a Disney point version of a high five
or like a wave, Justin?
Just holding up two fingers, like scouts on it?
Holding up two fingers, like we all used to do.
Like one of your competitors
in the Hunger Games just died?
Yeah.
Maybe you can get a call and response going,
like that is your classic exit.
So your classic exit doesn't need to be a wave
because it's like, hey, Ray, great job today.
Zoot, Zoot, riot.
And then they're like,
Riot!
And it's like, that's your goodbyes.
That's how you do goodbyes.
That's so fucking cool.
That's cool, yeah.
God, if I could pull that off.
Hey, you know how for a long time kids were doing the,
kids were doing the, can I get a, hi-yah?
You know that?
No, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about.
I do.
Justin. I do, because we're hand-pinched.
Thank you, Travis.
Anyway, is a thing that is actually-
I don't think it's hi-yah, though.
I don't think that was it.
Yes, but it's like, hi-yah.
It's like very annoying, right?
It's this very annoying noise,
but it is this bizarre call and response
that you saw the Gen Z kids doing for a little bit,
and you can still squeeze one out,
where someone just says,
can I get a hi-yah in public?
And then everybody responds.
It's nostalgic.
Who's in on it.
Awesome.
So this is what I'm saying.
Zuzu Riot.
I think we need a Gen X, Gen Z, a Gen X version,
which is you're in public and you hear someone call,
Zuzu Riot.
Anybody with an earshot has to call back, Riot!
Yeah.
I think that would be a lot of fun.
You know I'm like wicked not in the Generation X.
I know, but like there's a lot of stuff for you, you know?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Not everything needs to be for you.
That's true, renting.
Renting is for you?
Yeah, that's us.
We basically practically invented it. Tell me some other things Griffin, as a Gen Xer, That's true, renting. Renting is for you? Yeah, that's us.
We basically practically invented it.
Tell me some other things Griffin,
as a Gen Xer that you feel ownership of.
Oh man, Starbucks.
Yeah, are bird scooters yours?
Yes, grunge music is huge for us.
How often do they do new generations?
Why are they different generations?
It's about every generation I would say. How often do they do, we were Why are they different generations? Just about every generation, I would say.
How often do they do,
we were all born within seven years of each other.
Do you, what generation would you say I am?
I think you're borderline millennial Gen X.
I think Travis and I are pretty squarely millennial.
You think Travis is millennial?
Yeah, baby.
I mean, borderline Gen X.
I think I'm Gen Z, frankly.
I mean, I don't hate you.
Okay, speak on that.
I knew I'd get you. I'm just saying that like Okay, speak on that. I knew I'd get you.
I'm just saying that like the year I was born.
I knew I'd get you.
Welcome to my fucking- Right into a snare.
Like aren't you winning the food right into that pot, baby?
I knew you'd come around-
If you're just talking about the year I was born.
Sure. Yeah.
But let's talk about the year in which I live.
It's a feeling.
Do you guys know what our children's generation is?
Gen alpha.
Yeah, Henry learned he's an alpha
and he will not let that go.
Just march around the house.
Excuse me, I'm generation alpha.
I'm terrified of the day that my eldest learns that
because she also, after she learned her astrological sign,
now often refers to herself as a scorpion.
She doesn't care about that part.
Like she just- I'm the alpha scorpion.
At the alpha scorpion.
When that happens, I've lost all control.
You can't raise the alpha scorpion.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah.
How am I coming back from that?
We couldn't together in a my three dads scenario
at the height of our powers.
Raise one alpha scorpion.
Yeah. Raise an alpha scorpion, yeah.
Raised an alpha scorpion.
Hey, do you all want to go to the wizard's house?
More than anything.
Okay.
I gotta get back to Kansas.
Take off your shoes.
Whoa.
That's just, that's not-
The wizard's into Toad?
I mean, yeah, the wizard's really into Toast stuff.
Brian Sinteson, thank you, Brian.
It's How to Stop a Wedding.
We've all seen the movies where a person holds a wedding
in progress in order to get back the one they truly love.
In reality, stopping a wedding
is a much more serious undertaking.
It involves a lot of-
Wait, hold on, slow down, WikiHow.
You're telling me that in real life,
stopping a wedding is way more serious
than when I see someone like Owen Wilson do it
on the big screen?
Yeah, it's slightly more serious.
It involves a lot of thought and planning
and taking an honest look at your motives and intentions.
If you truly believe the couple shouldn't be together
and you believe you're justified in doing so,
we have some suggestions for going about
stopping a wedding with logic and legal action.
Don't. God spoke to me.
God spoke to me in a dream.
It is my responsibility,
and I think that I'm justified in doing so,
to stop this union.
So, step one, approaching the couple.
Consider your motivations.
You're in love with one of them.
You don't need, there's more here,
but like, you're in love with one of them.
You're in love with one of them.
You're in love with both of them. You may be in love with one of them. You're in love with one of them. You're in love with both of them.
You may be in love with both of them.
Or neither of them.
There's so many options.
Or half of each of them.
Yeah, a third party, not related,
but affected by the wedding.
I'm in love with their left bottom corner.
I'm in love with the officiant,
and this seems a good time to kind of push them
out of the way, step in there, just hijack their wedding.
Talk with family members or other people involved
in the wedding to find out if someone else feels similarly.
You gotta get.
Trying to take this on solo is no good.
Yeah, you have to build a confederacy.
A confederacy is what you have to build,
a conspiracy against the wedding.
How do you broach that subject
without knowing the answer already?
Like, hey.
Yeah, I'm gonna pretend to this.
Hey, wouldn't it be wild if someone had a good reason
to stop the wedding?
I'm not, me?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, I know I wrote all those poems and songs and stuff,
but wouldn't it, like, what do you think about the wedding?
Even for WikiHow, this is unfathomable.
Like, you, these are mostly going to be strangers to you.
Yeah.
So you're literally like, tap, tap, tap.
So, Aunt Doris, was it?
Do you think that this is gonna go down or what?
Where are you at?
Todd's your nephew.
Any dirt on him?
Which one do you, which team were you on?
Have you chosen a side yet?
Usually you just find the one
who's outside smoking a cigarette.
No one really smokes anymore. And so if you see someone who's outside smoking a cigarette. No one really smokes anymore,
and so if you see someone outside a wedding
smoking a cigarette, they are basically asking someone
to come and conspire to stop this wedding.
Oh man, but can you imagine if you go out there
and you're looking for like a future father-in-law
or some kind of powerful ally, and you get out there
and it's like, oh, it's like a step-second uncle,
or something like, oh man. Yeah, you step second uncle or something. I'm like, oh man.
Yeah, you need blood ties to stop this wedding.
I don't know how much influence he's gonna have
on this scenario.
Yeah, somebody with juice.
Yeah, you need like the groom's mom.
Like that's the power you need.
That's the kind of power you need to channel.
But like two ushers, unless it's Usher.
If Usher is there.
If Usher is there, yes.
Although, although you get two, and. Although, although, you get two,
and let's say this, you get two ushers,
the amount of joker-like chaos you can now weave
into this wedding by having them ush,
like, come on, Grandma, this way, back row, wrong side.
Come on, Grandma, this way, Grandma, into this bathroom.
Click, lock.
We can't start the wedding
because the two ushers have kidnapped grandma.
No.
Yeah.
It should work though.
Meet with the bride and groom.
Eat the rings.
Eat the rings.
Eat the rings.
Eat the rings.
Yeah.
But if you're not-
It is eat the rings.
How do you get the rings?
How do you do any of this, Trav?
I'm an ideas guy.
I see.
Eat the grandma.
You're a logistics guy.
Griffin's the XO.
I'm the ideas guy.
Justin's the body man.
On the face.
When someone has to do a flip to stop the wedding,
Justin's gonna be there for us.
Yeah.
He won't do the flip,
but he'll say somebody do a flip.
Someone please.
Someone.
Remember with that guy, we were all in Philadelphia,
and it was nighttime, and we were walking around,
and that guy walked up to us out of nowhere.
This man walked up to us and said,
I do something the whole family can enjoy, back flips.
And he was like, we're like, yeah!
Hell yeah.
And he did it and it was really good.
Yeah, it was sick. It was really, really cool.
Life is beautiful.
It was beautiful.
It was a beautiful moment.
It happens in the in-between.
It's true. When you think about it,
it's not about the destination or the journey,
it's about the pit stops.
It happens in the upside down.
Meet with the bride and groom privately to talk.
Go directly to the couple to be and calmly discuss
why you believe their wedding should be stopped.
I'm gonna actually veto WikiHow on this one
for this reason.
For this reason, if they know
that someone is conspiring,
then they're going to start counter-conspiring.
To take you down before, and I'll tell you,
in the wedding venue you in the wedding like
Venue in the wedding sphere. Yeah bride and groom are two of the most powerful and influential
Yeah, if one of them flat-out refuses is gonna be difficult for it to proceed now
It's gonna get nastier if it proceeds. Yeah, you can that's true
You might be able to do a little bit like,
hey, mom said that if you said it was cool,
like go to the bride and groom separate
and be like, hey, she seems not super enthused about that.
What about that?
I think this is suggesting you do these things
well before the wedding.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Address your concerns one on one.
It's the best hope there that you go to one of them
and they're like, okay, thank you.
Somebody said it.
I didn't know what to do about those.
Now listen, if you do it,
if you talk one of them out of getting married,
you break the other one's heart,
that's not gonna feel good.
No.
But I'll say, risk reward,
if you convince both of them
independently, well then you've done your good deed, right?
This was not meant to be.
You are a blessing in this situation
because if that subtle, subtle manipulation
can bring the whole house of cards down,
for sure.
Okay, this is what you need.
You're in love, let's see,
you're in love with participant one, right?
Yeah.
You need to find somebody who's in love with participant one, right? Yeah, okay. You need to find somebody who's in love
with participant two.
Yes.
Now, you're not breaking up a marriage,
you're multiplying a marriage.
Mid, summers, 19.
It was gonna be one marriage, now it's two.
Now it's two, you've blessed the marriage.
More money. Well done.
More money for the wedding industry.
More wedding, more money for the wedding people.
More gifts, more gifts, everybody wins.
I gotta circle back to,
step two is meet with the bride privately
and groom privately to talk.
Step three is address your concerns one on one.
So in this scene goes, hi, hey, what did you need, Jeremy?
Yeah, tell us all about it.
Well, I think you guys should not get married.
Oh no, Jeremy, we're gonna get married.
Yeah, we're definitely gonna get married.
Okay, I need to talk to just you.
You can-
Not about that, not about that,
it's about something else.
Not about that, not about that, not about that,
not about that, it's about, it's about,
it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,
do two spoilers and you haven't seen it yet,
so why don't you go wait in the hallway
and then afterwards you guys switch places
and I just do him, but it's different.
Or you come out after the participant won
and they say, okay, is it my turn to,
no, no, no, that won't be necessary.
No, no, no.
I think I've got it handled pretty good actually.
You're fine. They answered my question.
I'm done.
Yeah, I'm done.
Step four, convince the couple to wait a year.
You know, the weather.
If someone to come to us. In this weather. If someone to come to us.
In this economy?
If someone to come to us in our winter wedding
that was supposed to be quite warm,
according to the farmer's useless shitty almanac.
We're not a farm ragam.
Beautiful, great, good point Travis.
And instead ended up being about nine degrees.
And our grandma.
Only on that one day too.
Day before 73, day after 73, day of nine.
Day of cold, cold, cold.
In Texas.
If someone said wait a year, it'll be about,
it'll be like 71 next year.
Probably still wouldn't have done it
because it's been pretty kick ass to be married.
And I can't even pretend like I would do that.
But this might work for you.
Suggest a fake wedding.
That won't work for you. Suggest a fake wedding.
That won't work for you.
How?
How does that sales pitch go?
Well, something like this.
Discuss holding a wedding celebration,
but without the minister and paperwork.
No one else has to know it's not legally binding
and everyone can still enjoy themselves.
This may satisfy a couple looking forward
to the event and festivity,
but avoid any trouble later with divorce lawyers if it doesn't end
well." Cool. Okay. The ultimate prenup. The ultimate. I would argue, but I think I
can make a strong case, that this is actually a harder sales pitch than just
canceling the wedding. Yeah, I would also say, man,
if you have a big ceremony
about how you're gonna be together forever,
and then all your friends and family are there
and they see you do that,
in my book, that's pretty married.
I mean, that's interesting. Yeah, that's a good point.
I don't know what you're trying to prevent
that it's not that exact situation.
Is it just a legal issue?
Like I kinda thought you were in love with one of them.
You also then are having to begin the sales pitch
to these two participants with,
hey, let's face it,
you guys are probably gonna get divorced, right?
Well, have I got a life hack for you.
Yeah, yeah, get pervorsed.
Ha ha ha ha!
I also like the do it without a minister and paperwork.
I mean, yeah, but someone's gonna have to get up there,
my man.
Someone is gonna have to get up there and be like,
oh, by the power vested in me by United States of America,
these guys are going for it.
Yahoo!
You're 70, Sam?
Yeah, that's right.
Taking other action.
One, call out the lies.
Thank you.
If you know the wedding is a fraud
or there are legal reasons
the wedding could not go through his plan.
Legal reasons.
Legal reasons the wedding should not go through his plan.
You have at least 28 days to take legal action.
Couples must let a registrar know of their decision
to get married and the registrar is required
to make that information public for at least 28 days.
What's this gonna do?
The image of someone at county court
and talking to someone behind a desk
who looks like really entertained by this sales pitch,
what could they possibly be saying?
Hey, she's actually in love with me.
So that's a lie.
Now we are assuming,
we are assuming that the motives here are love,
but there's also a possibility of like,
It is though, we confirmed that earlier on.
But you're a detective, right?
And you know that this person is like an international
jewel thief, smuggler, scam artist,
who's posing to marry this dowager
and steal all her jewels.
Yes. Now, oh, what's that, boys?
Your tone has shifted, they're a hero
for breaking up this wedding.
Well, I mean, I'm not here to bust someone's grift
wide open.
That's fair.
Like, what are you talking about?
If they're running a clean grift.
If it's a clean grift.
If they're trying to scoot off with boomer jewels, like.
Yeah. Go with God, my man. If it's a clean grift. If they're trying to scoot off with boomer jewels, like, go with God, my man.
If it's a clean grift for boomer jewels
and the bodies ain't pilin', I say go for it.
If you're not stackin' corpses
and you're clean swindle boomer jewels.
Those things are insured.
A clean swindle, boomer jewels are insured.
At the base, insure the boomer jewels.
Swindle away.
Swindle away. Swindle your hearts out.
Just don't pile up bodies.
No way. Nobody's piling up.
That's how you get the loss.
Yeah, you know, then the McWhorid brothers
have to intervene.
Yep. Follow the money.
If the couple are relying on both or one of their parents
to support the wedding, you may wanna try to stop
the money source so the wedding will be called off.
If you have legal reasons, again, share this with the parents
and let them know how they may be financially supporting a harmful situation.
If there aren't legal reasons,
you can still voice other concerns
in an attempt to stop the money flow.
How is it fucking possible?
Like, these steps are getting so much harder.
You have now gone from like,
talk to them, try to talk them out of it,
to like, Sun Tzu art of war levels,
I'm like, they have three distinct sources of support.
We cut the columns out from underneath them.
Hey, so you're Deborah's poppy.
Listen, he's an international thief,
notice the crayfish, and you're gonna need to get in there
and put a stop to this.
There will be some danger, but don't worry,
the bodies haven't started piling up.
But I need you to help me take down the crayfish.
I've been hunting him for years.
Now you could also go to Poppy and say,
Poppy, you follow Crypto?
And then Poppy's like, what are you talking about?
And you're like, you know how you've got like 15K
and you're gonna do that for the wedding?
No, no, no, wait, Griff. Now when they say, what are you talking about? You have to say, ah never mind.
Never mind.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll be Poppy. I'll be Poppy.
Okay.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's like future money stuff. Don't worry.
Oh, oh yeah, I didn't say Grypto.
Sorry, can you be more clear with your-
Yeah, how say crypto, they make sense. Sorry, can you be more clear with your- Yeah, how old is Poppy?
Now I remember, I saw that in Time Magazine.
You know computers?
Yeah, I've dabbled with-
They're doing money now, so-
Oh, you're kidding, you know I do my banking.
Hey, sorry to interrupt, let Poppy finish chewing,
and then you can have this conversation with him.
Yes, I do my banking online, yes.
Oh you do?
Shit.
Um, this is different than that.
I wanna show you a very cool picture of a car
and it has a gorilla in it.
Yeah, I enjoy this picture.
If you give me 50, if you give me all the wedding money,
I'll put it in this gorilla,
and then it'll be worth twice as much.
I probably so be ridiculous,
I've already sunk 17 boomer jewels into this thing,
and those are non-refundable.
You don't have those insured with the government?
No, no, is that what crypto is for?
Now hold on, wait a second.
Did you just say all 17 boomer jewels?
Cause if someone gets all 17 boomer jewels,
they get the power.
That'd be unstoppable.
Oh no, Tato Botnick got all the boomer jewels.
And the rings are missing.
Oh shit.
Okay, waiting it out.
Void the marriage after the wedding.
You can use an annulment to legally cancel out the marriage.
Wait, you can't.
You can't.
I don't think there's a third party annulment.
This article is written in second person and you have to remember that.
It can't, you can't just throw a you out there like that.
It's great.
I think this would be a funny prank if you're like, how's your, how you guys like it being married?
I annulled you.
I guess what you get to do it again.
Cause I annulled it.
Wait for the marriage to fail down the road.
If the couple's fairly young and it's their first marriage,
there's a 40% chance the marriage will end in divorce.
That's not quite by the way, Wiggy,
how to stop a wedding.
Well, it will stop.
No, they failed.
Yeah, that's a fair point.
This is a consolation prize at best.
40%, I think those numbers are getting better.
So whatever we all are doing
to keep our marriages strong.
I think fewer people are getting married,
is what is happening.
Hey, hey! That's what is happening.
That would be my guess.
Whatever it, hey, whatever it takes
to make that all important number get lower.
I would love 0%.
I think we all think that that would be
the ideal circumstances.
Okay, well let's shoot for it.
Only cool people get married to other cool people
in happy, cool weddings.
But somewhere there's a divorce lawyer saying, hey, but wait.
Hey, sorry.
But what do I do now?
I have all these books.
Sorry, you craven vulture.
No, I'm just trying to help people.
No, sorry.
Picking up the bones of society.
No, no, no.
I just help people know.
I haven't been hunting the vulture, Griffin.
That's a different jewel thief.
I've been hunting the crayfish.
The crayfish, that's a different one, sorry.
And then step three is move on.
That should have been step one, WikiHow.
Oh, look, you already, yeah, you skipped right to it.
Just stop, cut it out.
Hey.
Yeah?
Can we talk about the Max Fund Drive?
Yeah, man.
Yeah, I think we should, man.
Can I talk about some additional rewards we have planned
when we hit certain levels?
Ooh, I would love to hear some of those, Travis.
At 3,000 new and upgrading Max Fund members,
Fungalore will hear your wishes live.
Wow.
We legally can't say that they'll all come true?
No, that's not what Fungalore's about.
But Fungalore will hear your wishes live.
What does that mean?
When we hit 3000, you will find out.
Fungalore will hear your wishes live.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fungalore will hear your wishes.
Fungalore will hear your wishes, your wishes, live.
Now, doesn't that happen every time you wish to Fungalore?
Yeah, but now it'll be live.
Yes, it does.
Now it's live.
It always is live, but this is also live.
But this is also that.
Yeah.
At 6,000, we will release a bonus
Starfield Monster Factory just for Max Fun members.
Do you guys wanna?
Skuzz. Skuzz Lightyear was our first attempt to play Starfield Monster Factory just for Max Fun members. Do you guys wanna? Skuzz!
Skuzz Lightyear was our first attempt
to play Starfield back before it was functional
as a entertainment product.
And so we did one episode with Skuzz
and then we put him back in the Disney vault
until a later date.
I think, hey, let's ramp the stakes up right now.
I think this is okay.
Let's try something new, okay?
Skuzz Lightyear's already been recorded, right?
Yeah.
If we don't hit 6,000, we delete it.
We'll kill Ska's Lightyear.
We'll delete all copies of the video.
There we go.
Now the stakes are there.
Yeah.
At 9,000, we will write and illustrate a WikiHow article
on a topic chosen by our staff
and we'll post it on our website.
And maybe on WikiHow.
If they allow, we'll try.
We will try.
12,000, we're gonna do a six thumbs,
100% version of Celeste on a live stream.
So that'll take probably a good 36 hours.
And I still know nothing about Celeste.
Oh man.
I hear it's challenging.
It is a little difficult.
Okay.
Now at 15,000, we will record and release
a commentary track for Avatar, not the last year,
the blue person one, on the bonus content feed
from ex-Fund members.
Now here's the thing about this.
Oh my God, guys, please do this for me.
Please do this for me. Observant the thing, do this for me.
Observant listeners may know,
Griffin and I have never seen it.
Still- Don't want to see it.
It looks so fucking bogus.
I need this, please.
And Justin has seen it and loves it.
And so this would be a-
Well, on the first one, it's more, yeah, okay, yeah, you know.
You love that you've seen it.
I love that I've seen it. Yeah. And I hate that you guys haven't. So it would be- It's more, yeah, okay, yeah, you know. You love that you've seen it. I love that I've seen it.
Yeah.
And I hate that you guys haven't.
So it was- It's not fair.
This commentary will be mine
and Groven's first time watching it.
Justin will have a lot of answers,
a lot of answering to do when we hit 15,000.
So if you guys see the counter and it's at 14,999,
maybe just think about wait until next year.
Or skip over. We're gonna need to figure out,
it's occurring to me now,
we're gonna need to figure out what our setup's gonna be.
Cause if you guys are watching it
where you record this podcast,
you will have watched Avatar,
but you won't have seen Avatar.
You know what I mean?
You've got to get away.
So this is the kind of energy Travis and I
are going to have to contend with.
Maybe we'll rent out a movie theater.
Yeah, okay.
Now we're talking.
We'll do that.
Listen, maximumfun.org slash join
is the link you can go to.
Genuinely, we are doing this, we've been doing this.
This is our 14th Max Fun Drive
because of the support that we continue to get from y'all,
we've been able to start more shows.
Taz exists because of the Max Fund Drive.
We've done about a million times more video stuff
in the last year than we have in all of the years previous
because we were able to hire a video editor and producer.
And that is because of the Max Fun Drive.
It is so important to us to continue to grow
and make cool stuff.
And you are the ones who make that possible.
And just being completely frank,
and you've probably noticed this if you read stuff,
or heck, if you just listen to podcasts,
the ad revenue side of our business
has been really rough lately. It's been tight. It's been really, it's been really rough lately.
It's been tight.
It's been tight, it's been rough for everybody.
The Bim Bam's weathered the storm okay,
but if you listen to our other shows,
you will notice some empty spaces
where the ads used to go.
So we really now more than ever,
like really do need your support.
And it really, if you're somebody who makes stuff in this current climate, you know where we are at
so if you can support us and the people who work for us and
The stuff that we make it really does it really is a huge help. So if you can do maximum fun org
Join if you are able to do it at a screen right now
Do it while you're thinking about it,
because it really, it makes this all possible.
By the way, if you can do 20 bucks a month
where there's a bucket hat you can get,
or a games on the go kit.
It's a bandana that turns into a chess board.
I mean, come on.
Whoa!
Stop it.
And listen, you have three options
as far as support goes.
You can become a member,
you can upgrade your membership,
you can also boost your membership,
which means maybe you're not ready to move up
to the next level, but you can increase it
by a couple bucks, go for it.
And on top of that, if you're already a member
or you're not able to, just sharing links,
talking about it, reminding people that it's Max Fun Drive,
all that stuff helps.
Yep.
Thank you so much. I was stretching when I said,
please just there, I didn't mean to sound so like-
It did seem pretty desperate.
In pain.
Maybe that energy works though.
Maybe that's the energy we need.
Maybe someone likes that.
Imagine me dangling off a bridge.
In the arms of a Griffin.
All right.
Far away.
Let's stop this.
We need a picture of a crying Griffin, some slow zooms.
I haven't cried in since high school, man.
Wreckage, something like that.
And Edmund Fitzgerald.
Wait, why is he there?
It's the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
with Griffin McElroy.
That's the sad ghost captain.
New question.
New question.
I desperately want to be friends with my dentist.
I get my teeth cleaned every six months.
And every time I go, my dentist and I get into great banter.
We discuss what music we're into.
Proper bants?
Proper bants are similar upbringing.
And we even have tattoos from some of the same artists.
The problem is, every time I speak to the dentist,
I'm in full teeth cleaning mode
to bib the silly glasses of the women.
Sorry, no, no, no, you can't skip that.
The wet mouth and everything.
There's never an appropriate moment to ask
if he wants to hang out sometime.
On top of that, the dental hygienist is always present
while we're talking, which makes you feel even weirder.
Third wheel.
Yeah.
Hey, can they clear out, please?
They're harshing the vibe.
I'm clean.
Emailing him or calling the office, both feel wrong.
Brothers, how can I invite my dentist to hang out
without making it awkward?
That's from Dental Dude Delima.
I could be at a cool guy make friends club.
Uh-huh.
I could be attending the hundredth meeting of the cool guy make friends club. I could be attending the hundredth meeting
of the cool guy make friends club,
and I could show up and not know how to spearhead
a conversation about making a cool friend with a cool guy.
You have asked us for advice
on how to do this exact situation
in the most socially dynamic, imbalanced like state
that two human beings can possibly opt for.
You are both at an incredible imbalance of power
and absolutely immobilized.
Absolutely.
No matter what stew you make at this point,
you are gonna be sitting in it.
Now this is gonna surprise you guys,
but I'm gonna beg to differ.
No, yeah, of course.
And here's why.
As an adult, I would make the point,
it is easier to find a new dentist
than to make friends as an adult.
That's a really, really, really, really good point, Travis.
So here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna wait until one of those bands
that you guys both like are in town.
Yes.
You're gonna schedule a cleaning.
Ooh.
And then you're gonna be like,
hey, did you hear that they're coming?
Do you wanna go?
Sorry, you're gonna schedule a cleaning.
Sorry, real quick, quick pause.
You're gonna schedule a cleaning.
So you're gonna say, you're gonna call them.
They're like, you just got your teeth cleaned
two weeks ago.
Hey, Justin, there's gonna be some machinations happening.
Say, I needed some squid ink spaghetti and I need to get back in there. I just got your teeth cleaned two weeks ago. No, no, not anymore now. Hey, Justin, there's gonna be some machinations happening.
I eat some squid ink spaghetti
and I need to get back in there.
I don't know what to tell you.
And you're gonna be like, yeah, do you wanna go?
You wanna go, like, I'm looking for somebody to go with.
You wanna go see the show?
Boom, friends.
Is it, that feels romantic.
And I don't know why that's true to me,
but it feels romantic.
But how do you navigate this ever?
Like, right, it's, it's, ah.
Listen, I have watched my children recently at a playground
have this interaction with another child.
Hey, do you wanna be friends?
Yeah, and what's your name?
That's, they don't even know.
Yeah. They don't even know that.
We build up all these barriers.
It is much easier to be a kid.
Like the tartar and plaque building up on your teeth.
What are you teaching?
Like, yes, I miss being a child too.
It was much easier than that.
I wish I'd appreciated it.
So just ask your dentist, just like,
when they're done, be like,
hey, it feels great in there now, man.
You wanna be friends?
That's insane. That's not,
that's what you said is so wrong, Travis. Travis, it doesn't make sense what you're saying.
Oh, your hearts are so hard.
It's like an enamel around your heart is so hard.
I'm gonna give you a love root canal.
Yeah.
I love, listen, if someone said to me,
do you wanna be friends?
And I would instinctively say to them,
what could that possibly mean?
Cause I don't know what that, I don't know what changes, you know what I mean?
Like what has shifted?
Or is there a lot-
You just, no, now you know,
this is, do you like me, yes or no, yes.
No, here's what's happened, Travis.
You've played too many video games and you're like,
hey, we've built up a lot of relationship points.
Do you wanna level our status from acquaintances to friends?
Yeah, the problem is that it rarely in video games stops there.
And a lot of the time you'll be like, I got you a new broadsword.
And they'll be like, get that dick out.
Here's all I'm saying.
I got you tickets to the Weezer concert.
Look at this, boys. This isn't as big a risk as you think it is.
Let me tell you why.
This dentist is in your mouth.
One of the top five worst orifices on your body, right?
Yeah.
And they are choosing to continue a conversation with you,
not about general surface level stuff,
but the tattoo artists that you share,
the bands that you both like, your similar upbringing.
This dentist also likes talking to you.
You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right.
You're right, you're right.
You're right, of course you're right.
Then what Travis tell me and Justin are like,
little kids curled up at the foot of your rocking chair
in front of the fireplace.
Tell us how to make friends.
You need to revert back to like middle school
asking someone out.
A group of friends are getting together.
We're going bowling tonight.
You want to go?
Or like something like that.
That's cool, that's cool.
I have so many, that's cool, I'll tell you why that's cool.
I have come to this concert with me and my friends,
that's right, I've already got so many fucking friends.
So like I don't need this, I don't need you,
but I wanna include you in it.
I'm welcoming you in.
I'm welcoming you into it.
Travis, if you were capable of coming up
with a good idea like that,
why did you say the bad idea earlier?
You make it so hard to trust you.
Because, Justin, there needs to be dips.
Sometimes, in Trap Nation,
oh, starting to get a little restless,
I'm gonna throw a tournament,
and now everyone's excited and happy again.
That's true.
But I think you have to see,
it's important for us to swat down the stinkers.
Yeah.
That it's because you don't get to the gold
if we're not swatting down stinkers.
Brainstorming, blue sky, baby.
Yeah, true.
This is how we make friends.
This is how we cook.
You guys, can you guys just talk for a second?
Oh boy.
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Howl. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Welcome to Munch Squad. Squad. Squad. Do do do do do do. Hey Count, I love that you.
Welcome to Munch Squad, how dare you.
Okay, sorry Count.
Welcome to Munch Squad, the podcast within the podcast,
profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.
I love that you waited so long to turn your camera on,
because for a while I was like, who is this?
What's going on in the-
Well, I couldn't figure it out.
You couldn't figure it out?
I was having trouble figuring out the buttons to press.
Well, there's a million buttons in here.
One of them dumps worms on you, the other one.
That's true.
I would love that.
Kills someone, and the rest of them don't do anything.
Drive me absolutely bananas.
Worms? Do you know about crypto, Dracula? The beautiful wigglers. Don't do anything. Drive me absolutely bananas. What?
Do you know about crypto, Dracula?
I mean, Count Donut, do you know about crypto?
What?
Do you know about crypto?
Is this like Pumur Jules?
Yeah, oh shit, okay, nevermind, he knows.
I wanted to tell you about some Donut extreme happenings
from Krispy Kreme.
It's Saint Patrick's Day.
Do you know him?
I killed him actually.
No, actually.
Whoa!
I know.
A lot of people are surprised by this one.
Did you turn him?
Sorry.
Did you turn him?
Turn him dead, yes.
I turned him from alive to not alive anymore.
How do you decide, Count Dona, I've always wanted,
I can't believe I never asked you this
because I've always wanted to ask a vampire.
How do you decide which victims to kill
and which ones to turn?
Yeah.
Well, if you're like me, you make a lot of mistakes.
You turn people that you think at first are fun or maybe what you are lacking.
So you're kind of a homebody and you turn someone who loves to go out and party.
And at first you're like, maybe this is me.
And then you realize, of course you miss being at home home. And these person, they love, they love to go out.
And so you stick them through the heart.
Oh man.
Is it tough?
Is it tough to make a mistake?
But there's a little extra life for them.
They would not otherwise receive, I'm sure.
That's true, extension.
It's a no-lose, it's a bonus.
Look at these donuts. Yeah. That's beautiful. A. It's a no-lose, it's a bonus. Look at these donuts.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
There's a lot of shit on them.
Yeah.
These are the shamro-
These St. Patrick's Day collection
is sure to make fans feel like they've hit the jackpot,
including the luck of the rainbow donut.
An original glazed donut dipped in green icing,
rainbow explosion sprinkle blend,
and topped with a buttercream cloud.
I have noticed a pattern where when donut companies
are like, here's a set of like specially themed donuts,
you can tell a design decrease in focus
where they're like, this one, this is the rainbow,
this is the cloud.
And it's like, oh, this one kind of swirling,
it's pretty cool.
This one, there's some lines on it.
We'll put some green lines.
St. Patrick's Day.
Hey!
I needed to have four for the meeting?
There has to be one that an adult feels comfortable taking.
Okay, that's gonna be fair.
A boring restraint donut that says,
yes, I am hungry, but I'm not a child.
Yeah.
There's a shamrock cookies and cream
made with Oreo cookies and, it's so appetizing, listen.
An unglazed shell filled with cookies and cream filling
and made with Oreo cookies,
then dipped in white icing and green drizzles
and St. Patrick's fusion sprinkles.
Oh, it's also just occurred to me,
why is cookies and cream always Oreo cookies?
It's never a different kind of cookie.
Because cookies and cream is the,
okay, I realized this.
I was 317 days, years old before I realized.
Wait, hold on, wait, you were under one year old?
No, 317 days and years, both.
Oh, okay. Oh, okay.
So it's almost 318.
I realized that cookies and cream,
the flavor is just the off brand way of saying Oreo.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Cause it's the cookie and the cream in the middle.
Yeah, you're just, that's why it's always,
cause if you can afford Oreo, go nuts.
But who advertises?
And Count Dona, when did you realize
what not if I see you first means?
Sorry?
Not if I see you first is like,
if I see you, I'm gonna hide and then they won't see you.
When did you realize what that means?
I was about to- Travis is on his own shit right now,
Count Donut, I apologize for it.
I was about to do a funny thing about Hydrox cookies
and you absolutely derailed.
I would still love to hear that joke, Count Donut.
Thank you, Witch Griffin.
Yeah, that's right.
Yes.
Luck is meant to, oh sorry, this is Dave Scana speaking.
Oh yeah.
Luck is meant to be shared,
and our colorful, fun, all new St. Patrick's Day donuts
will make everyone feel like they've found a pot of gold,
says Dave Scana, Global Chief Brand Officer
for Krispy Kreme.
Why did he say they were cool, fun, new?
They're colorful, fun.
Colorful, cool, fun, new donut.
All nude, sexy.
Sexy.
Fucking Dave Skater really knows how to unpack his adjectives
and I appreciate that.
They're all new donuts.
Can I say this?
All nude.
There's four.
Why put so much pressure on yourselves?
We don't have to invent new donuts.
There are many great ones.
They're also new designs.
Sure, Dave, but just looking at them, they're donuts.
No, I actually have another story from Krispy Kreme
and then both Dave's cannot, but this one,
I, you have to understand.
I don't get too much news
of your country, just unless it's related to donuts.
So I came across this one.
Where do you live?
Do you live in Transylvania or is that like?
A transnation?
No, I would rather not, dogs.
Oh, I see.
Too many. Sorry about that.
Stake happy adventure docks start poking around
Sure, man. So listen
Krispy Kreme celebrates
Domocracy with two free original glazed doughnuts for all guests on Super Tuesday, March 5th
Americans who elect to visit any Krispy Kreme shop throughout the United States on March 5th. Americans who elect to visit any Krispy Kreme shop throughout the United States on
March 5th, Super Tuesday, can receive two free glazed donuts. No purchase necessary.
I'm encouraging everyone to vote. Our primary role on Super Tuesday will be to sweeten your day says Dave's Kenna.
Hey, how was it going over there for you guys?
It is seeming less than good.
It's been better.
It's been better.
Yeah, for sure.
It's be cream super Tuesday offer is available nationwide, not just in states conducting primary elections.
So you're telling me on Super Tuesday, Crispy Cream Donuts was giving away two donuts, no purchase necessary.
Anybody who came in, did they the next day be like, what the fuck were we thinking?
What happened?
We were so fucked up, guys. So many donuts.
They were really excited about people voting,
but not so much that they would make them vote
to get the donuts.
You get the donuts regardless.
Okay, wild.
But it seems, yeah, I don't know what they,
it seems like they, oops, they made too many.
They forgot what step two was gonna be.
Step one, people come in and get free donuts.
Okay, now that we've got other leaving, fuck.
Oh, I see the rest of the quote from Dave Skinner.
It says, please God, buy something else while you're here.
We'll be ruined. Please take some napkins even.
Just anything. For the love of God.
Anyway, I hope you two did your part
to celebrate democracy, says here. Yeah, I mean, I live in DC, so to celebrate DOMOCRACY, says here.
Yeah, I mean, I live in DC, so really,
I celebrate DOMOCRACY every time I stop.
Can you imagine?
And then they said, show how you're celebrating DOMOCRACY
and Super Tuesday with Krispy Kreme
by using hashtag Krispy Kreme and tagging,
can you imagine seeing a dear friend, acquaintance,
or family member who posts on their gram
a picture of them enjoying two unglazed free donuts
while they say, don't forget to vote or do,
but come get free donuts, hashtag Krispy Kreme.
I would send help.
I would send the St. Bernard with a barrel of stuff around the neck to them. I would send help. I would send the Saint Bernard with a barrel of stuff
around the neck to them.
I would send them.
How many instances of election interference
do you think Krispy Kreme is going to be responsible for
when they're like, I tried to vote,
I tried to vote, but my fingers were too sticky.
It slipped on the screen.
That's why it's unglazed.
I went with Marianne Williamson because of the glaze.
And I think that this was Krispy Kreme's plan the whole time.
I hate when I leave the pictures up too long
because it makes me so hungry.
Hey, yeah.
And there is not the Krispy Kreme for so far.
Count Donut, can I ask you a question?
Turn, Mary, kill.
Me, Griffin, and Dave Skinner.
I would rather put my head into a gigantic garbage disposal
and slap the button until the whispers became screams,
became quiet, than do this game with you right now.
Turn, Mary-Kill.
I don't want, I also don't wanna play this game.
I will cease the call.
I'm looking at the counter.
You have enough podcasts to not get fired.
I will just leave.
So just, but if you had to say,
turn around.
Do you know who pays my airfare to get over here?
Dave Scana?
It's the Max Fund Drive.
Oh, oh, awesome.
Yes, I wanted to say, please keep it coming.
I really appreciate being able to come over here
and kill different kinds of people
that I don't get to at all.
So thank you for your donations to them.
When you're on the airplane,
do you ever see Isaac the Child Chocolatier
or the Riddle Master?
I don't, I'm not on the airplane.
But you just said they pay your airfare.
Yes, I have to ship the coffin.
Have you, what's wrong with you?
I have to ship the coffin.
Then I buy a ticket for the coffin,
I put the coffin in the seat.
Are you in the coffin?
No, I'm not in the coffin.
That would be exhausting.
No, I'm a bat.
I fly along next to the coffin.
So wait, flying as a bat at the speed of a plane
is less exhausting?
Oh, absolutely.
If you're in the coffin, I'll be honest with you,
if I'm not super sleepy, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Yeah, it is weird.
If I'm super tired and I want to get in and rest,
that's a little bit otherwise.
Do the like people who work for whatever airline you fly
get annoyed at all of this?
Spirit airlines?
Makes a lot of sense though.
Spirit airlines reliably moves crates of dirt
from your castle to wherever it is that you're going,
to Huntington I guess.
Yes, but they're going to charge you $74 to do it.
That's a pretty good deal to move a bunch of crates of dirt.
It's the spookiest name of an airline too.
I think so.
That's true.
Except for Alaska.
That is the only one that scares me more.
Yeah, all right, good stuff so far.
Thank you.
Count Donut, it's good to see you.
Thank you, it's good to be.
Talk about the Max Fun Drive.
It feels wrong.
It does.
I have to go.
Goodbye Count Donut.
I'll miss you.
Oh shit.
Oh, he died.
He died.
Yeah.
Oh, but his body is flailing around unbuckling the cape.
Oh, flipped off again.
Flip finger, there it is.
He's the good stuff.
Just keep a counter going
Justin needs money for tape surgery
Yeah The Velcro came off so I had to cut a hole before I did this.
Yeah? And now this bootleg hole I made has become
irrevocably entwined.
Oh no!
Breathe, you did it, he's free!
A real Baby Jessica situation.
Yeah.
Hi Justin. Hey.
Count Donut was here. No shit. Yeah, he was here, he did his stuff, Justin. Hey. Count Donut was here.
No shit.
Yeah, he was here.
He did his stuff.
It was great.
Amazing. Amazing.
I'll tell you what makes that visit possible.
This is funny.
We actually pay his airfare over here.
Technically that's true, Justin, but get this.
He just puts a box of dirt with a coffin in it in a seat
instead of putting it in the luggage area
and sitting in the seat himself.
What's his favorite airline to fly?
Get this.
Spirit. Spirit.
Oh, okay.
It's also the scariest.
It's the scariest.
Yeah, scariest name.
Except for Alaska.
Yeah, it's so wild, too.
So you guys are so, like, in sync.
It's weird.
Is that why it works?
Because you guys are in the drift?
Yeah, we sync It's weird. Is that why it works? Cause you guys are in the drift? Yeah, we were, we sync to each other.
And I am ready for, hungry for murdering now.
It will pass. Whoa, crazy.
It will pass.
Yeah. Yeah.
But right now I would love to get a little killing done.
Can I tell you, if you need to transport a body
that's been Draculaized, you could do no better
than the maximum bag.
What's that?
Well, if you decide to support us at 35 bucks a month
here at the Max Fund Drive,
you get all the stuff we've talked about before,
the games on the go or the bucket hat,
one of the 40 enamel pins, you get a membership card,
you get a million billion hours of bonus content,
and then you get a tote bag, y'all.
That is so fucking big.
It is 27 by 35 inches.
Irresponsibly big.
It's so outrageously big.
It's big enough to fit all the bonus content in it.
And that's saying something.
They're saying something.
Even if we put it on cassettes,
I think you could carry it all.
Listen, no matter what level,
if you are able to support us,
it genuinely not only means the world to us,
but it makes this very, very much possible.
Just even at five bucks a month,
you get all kinds of bonus content from every show
throughout the history of time and space.
You can hear the episode where we read it,
episode 400, on the blue carpet premiere
of Escape to Margaritaville,
except we switched each other's brothers who read which stuff, and also Matt Doyle was there
and read every other celebrity who was there.
Outrageous.
I just wanna say too, when we talk about
supporting us through the Max Fun Drive,
I wanna make it clear that that support
doesn't just support my brother, my brother, me,
Adventure Zone, Shanner, Sawbones, Wonderful,
still buffering and shows like that.
It also allows us- It goes to political candidates that we choose. It goes to political candidates. No, no sawbones, wonderful, still buffering and shows like that. It also allows us-
It goes to political candidates that we choose.
It goes to political candidates.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
There's division we can find.
No, no, no.
No, the rest of it is, if you like stuff
like Monster Factory, if you like stuff
like the six thumbs, one heart,
if you, we've just premiered and this is super secret,
you can watch the real episode tomorrow,
MacRoy Family Clubhouse on our YouTube channel.
If you like, Candle Knights were able to like,
do all that stuff because of support through Max Fun.
It makes this our like primary jobs.
Like working on the graphic novels,
like we got paid to do that,
but it's a lot of work and a lot of time
that we might not have if we had to,
you know, have jobs not in this field outside of it.
Right.
Yeah.
And it makes your support makes it so we could just spend all our time making you happy.
And it is a beautiful.
It's a beautiful gift that you have given us that we really, really appreciate.
If you haven't donated before, maybe just try it.
You know, five bucks a month, maximumfund.org for its last join, you go over there, type
type type, click, click, click, click,
click the shows you like and see how it feels,
cause I bet it's gonna feel pretty good.
And if you don't wanna do like a recurring thing,
you can pay a year upfront also,
if that, if you're more comfortable with that,
I mean, that would be more appealing to me,
then you can also do that
at that same link maximumfund.org slash join.
There's a lot of ways that you can help out,
and we really, really, I mean, we need it,
and we appreciate it, and we appreciate you, and yeah.
Keep us on the air, please.
Keep us.
And the last thing I'll say is-
Don't let them shut us down.
We do Max Fun Drive for 10 days.
You can become a member anytime,
but this is the time where, you know,
we're gonna be talking about it the most.
We're able to say thank you directly.
And it's the time where you're gonna get those rewards
from the different tier levels
that only happens during this 10 day period.
So if you're like, oh, you know what?
I've been meaning to do that.
I've been thinking about it.
Do it now while you're thinking about it.
Don't let it drain out of your head
and then you forget
and you miss your chance to get these awards.
And it's also a lot scarier if everybody waits.
So if you would just go ahead and do it,
that would be really nice.
Good point, awesome.
That would honestly, please,
if you would just go do it right now,
that would be really nice.
That would feel really good.
Thank you. Hey, thank you.
Thank you to Montaigne for the Easter Egg theme song,
My Life is Better with You.
It's a club blank, a cub, a cub blanger.
It's a cub blanger.
It blangs cubs nonstop.
We're not gonna bore you with a bunch of other shit
here at the end.
I do wanna say thank you though,
to like our editor, Rachel.
Yes. And like Sarah and Amanda,
people who help us make all this show, all of this stuff.
Cause you're not just supporting us,
you're supporting all the people who also support us
to help us make these things, make them better,
make them more often, all that stuff.
Like there is a team of people that you are able
to help support as well.
We pay fungalore.
Yes, exorbitant.
Exorbitantly.
Yeah, so much.
It's not cool.
Not cool fungalore, but you do, I mean, he gets results.
Should we send up a wish?
Oh yeah.
We'll pop one out.
Okay, I'll do this one if you'd like.
Um...
I'll do this one. If you like.
I wish flossing wasn't so boring.
My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.
I'm Griffin McElroy.
This has been My Brother My Brother Me.
Kiss your dad, square out ellipse. square the lips. Ah, it's better, it's better with two by one
Ah, it's better with you