My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 704: Cheques Mix
Episode Date: March 25, 2024Thank you for coming to this important spy meeting, we have an assignment for you. Honestly, we didn't expect this many of you to show up, we only have brand deals for two of you. The rest of you can ...debate what a Minion tastes like, go mountain biking, or practice your cursive. Suggested talking points: Good Cop/ Pitiful Desperate Cop, He is Heavy, He's a Minion, Tore a Big Hole in My Pants, Crowded Locked Tree, Mission Too Dog Murder, The Versatility of StairsFoundation for Black Women’s Wellness: https://www.ffbww.org/ MaxFunDrive ends on March 29, 2024! Support our show now by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.
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Okay, here's the situation. Justin went away on a week's vacation and he left the keys to the brand new Porsche. Would they mind?
Um, well, of course not. We have a Porsche? Does we have one Porsche that we share?
Yes, maybe I shouldn't say that we have a Porsche in the Max Fun Drive. Yeah, it's old. It's a old, it's a bastard.
Ooh, yucky Porsche. It smells like old hamburgers. Oh, it's powered by old hamburgers.
If we're gonna get a new Porsche
that's not powered by new hamburgers,
we need your support in the Max Fun Drive,
but that's not why Travis and I are here to talk to you.
Justin is traveling this week.
We recorded this episode a while ago
and realized to our horror
that Justin had messed up his recording.
Some audio issues, let's put it a little more politically.
There were some audio issues.
There were some audio issues.
Our editor, Rachel, has gone through with a fine tooth comb
and it sounds much, much better than it did
and much, much better than it would have
without the support and dedicated hard work of Rachel,
our editor, who we were able to hire because of the Max Fun Drive.
So this is our last week of that,
and we're gonna talk about it a lot in this episode,
so we won't belabor the point,
but just wanted to give you a heads up
and explain a little bit.
Now on with the magic.
The McElroy brothers are not experts,
and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists
he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall I haven't seen it.
Also this show isn't for kids which I mention only so the babies out there
will know how cool they are for listening. It's the start of something beautiful.
A small acquaintance has blossomed.
It's ripened into a precious friendship.
I could have never seen what was coming for me.
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach.
My life, it feels like
My life, ah ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
My life, ah ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
This is true, ah ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with two
My life, ah ah ah ah Ah, it's better, it's better with two, boy hey!
Ah, it's better with you.
Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the
modern era.
I'm your oldest brother Justin Tyler McElroy.
What up, Trav Nation?
It's me, your middle-est brother, Travis the Exalted McElroy.
I'm your sweet baby brother,
Griffin McElroy. That's just my middle name.
I don't know what you want me to say.
We've fucked up.
Oh no.
We're recording this a full last week
before this episode goes up.
I like to have, you know, we record usually the morning
of the show when it goes up so we can cover like weekend news
and like big stuff like that.
We're a week out and it's the Max Fun Drive.
We have no idea news and also what level of desperation
we need to bring to this second week alter call
for the Max Fun Drive.
We should just do, you're right, we'll do two takes.
Justin, give me utmost desperation.
And then Griffin, give me kind of like a too cool for school,
I don't really need this kind of feeling.
Can we switch?
I'd rather be too cool for school.
I know, I think Justin, Justin,
you try utmost desperation.
I feel like I would be better at desperation.
Just like based on my track record.
Hey guys, I cast this not based on what you think you are,
but what I know you are.
Fair, okay, fine.
I'm just saying my dating career in high school
proves that my desperate state is not an appealing one.
Yeah, and I don't even know how to pretend
to be like a cool guy.
Do you want me to just do both?
No, it's fine.
All right, who goes first?
Let's see, Justin's first.
Okay.
Hey.
Hey.
So this is the Max Fun Drive it's supposed to be.
We thought it was, but apparently you didn't.
Yeah.
It feels good to laugh.
There hasn't been much of that our way lately.
Because of how shitty it's been for the drive, you mean.
Really, really sad how few of you have turned out for us.
We've got nine total,
and so far it's the three of us and our dad six times.
Now why are you desperate?
Yeah, you're not desperate.
This is just as bitch.
I thought we were building the,
okay, sorry, it's too different. So anyway, we're fucked.
And I just wanted to say, please,
if you can go to maximumfund.org forward slash join
and find it in your heart to just give us $5
over and over again,
forever, that would be so cool of you.
And it really does help to support the show.
We need it just to make ends meet
and none of you are doing it and it's so hurtful.
And thank you very much for your time.
If anyone is actually listening to this,
which I am not convinced of.
Okay.
That's cool.
Is that good?
I mean, Travis is slow clapping
and so it must've been pretty cool.
All right. I wanna say, if you're watching,
I believe Dick Wolf, creator of Law and Order
and the Law and Order franchise,
how come you never have good cop, pitiful, desperate cop
where it's just like, hey man, can I get you some coffee?
And also, could you just tell us if you did it?
Just say you did the crime.
I'm Officer Need this one.
And what I'm saying is,
I'm really able to help you.
I'm one case solving away from retirement.
They won't let me retire.
I'm not doing so good.
I'm not doing so well.
All right, let me try mine.
Too cool.
What's up, Jabronis?
It's Monday, March. What did you cool. What's up, Jabronis? It's Monday, March.
So, what did you say?
What's up, Jabronis?
It's Monday, March 25th,
and crazy weekend of news.
And I...
I just want to say,
we are sitting pretty in the Max Fun Drive
at 80,000 members.
Huge overshooting of our goals.
And so I'm gonna say, don't get me wrong,
you get incredible bonus content
if you join us at a $5 a month level.
And it changes our lives.
It allows us to do the work we do
and expand and make new stuff, do video stuff,
hire people to help us make our stuff.
It's all been amazing, but we're at 80,000 members now.
And so we are sitting pretty, this is a bit, please still go to maximumfun.org, so I was
right, because we do need the help.
But we're sitting pretty jabronis, so-
We're pretty jabronis over here.
We're all pretty jabronis over here.
We got the ring, we got the crown, we got the wand.
I passed the black ring over to Justin
and now we're pretty pretty jabronis.
And this is the happy, the first happiness
I felt in my life.
Don't you wanna make us like that?
Don't you wanna make us like that?
Maximumfun.org slash join.
We're goofing around here, but it really is important.
We're not really jabronis.
We're not really jabronis, We're not really jabronis.
We are pretty, but.
I'm soaked over here, guys.
I soaked, Justin. With that spit take.
I've never actually done that in real life.
It sucks.
They don't tell you about the repercussions.
Your shit's all wet, yeah.
Yeah, everything's wet.
It sucks.
Listen, it's our last week of doing this,
and then we'll leave you alone for the rest of the year.
Promise.
But we will. Well, not a lot, we'll still make the show.
We'll still make the show,
and we'll ask you to do us stuff sometimes, but like.
Just like friends, like regular friends.
Like friends, yeah, but really,
if you go to maximumfun.org slash join,
if you have, maybe you've been listening to this show
for fucking 14 years, and you've never joined the network,
maybe think about how much joy we've brought into you.
How many times we've made you moisten your desk
with wet laughter.
Maybe you felt guilty about it and you didn't even know.
That's been the one thing holding you back
is the subconscious guilt you felt.
And I want you to be free of that.
I want this for you.
I want you to have the satisfaction
of knowing you supported people making stuff that you like. This is a selfless act. It's for you. I want you to have the satisfaction of knowing you supported people making stuff that you like.
This is a selfless act.
It's for you.
To kick it off, this episode,
a little different, little change here.
Okay, chilling.
This is one of my classic icebreaker thought starters,
getting to know you.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, we definitely need those.
This is from Filet Minion in,
I'm gonna say Worcester, Massachusetts?
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
I think, would you settle an argument?
I think that Minions would taste like lamb.
My friend says crocodile, but my wife says fawn, or flam.
So, once and for all, what does a minion taste like?
And how would you prepare one?
Well, I mean, I would eat them alive.
So that I could really enjoy it.
Yeah, you got to.
This is weird, this is weird.
It's weird that you included this.
It's weird that someone asked this and wanted to know this.
I'm not saying we won't do it, cause like.
Well, I just thought the answer was so obvious.
Okay.
But okay, and also don't say banana.
No, not banana.
Okay.
Twinkie.
I look at that motherfucker, that's a yellow sponge cake.
He's got Queen inside there.
Who the hell?
We don't need to go that far.
If Gru was to snap a minion over his knee, there would be an explosion of Queen, is what you'm saying. We don't need to go that far. If Gru was to snap a minion over his knee, there would be an explosion of queen,
is what you're saying.
Yeah, an explosion of queen.
I'm saying you look at a picture of Twinkie the Kid
side by side with a minion,
there's an evolutionary chart there.
I think that could be good.
I like flog.
When I look at them, they feel gummy.
It feels like it would be a gummy,
like in Willy Wonka when you're eating the flowers and stuff
and it only looked kind of good,
but still you didn't eat flowers.
Like I feel like this would be kind of like that.
Very gummy, dense, chewy, fruity.
Oh yeah.
I think any suggestion of the sponginess
or gumminess of these beings is an insult
to the acumen
and ability of Gru as a mad scientist.
These are service workers.
They do hard and dangerous work for Gru's
like evil machinations and plans.
I think that they are a perfectly tubular capsule shaped
250 pound solid loaf of fuck muscle.
I think these fucking guys,
I think if you ran up to a minion or like a banana
and you tried to push him over,
you would actually fall down backwards.
Now, okay Griffin, I understand your point
and it's very well made, especially the fuck muscle part,
but wouldn't you want them to be incredibly,
not just solid, but resilient, because I would argue,
I'm looking at a picture of one right now,
who knows which one, maybe Bob, maybe Frank, maybe Steven.
Marshmallow Peep is really ringing true in my head,
because you could put that through so much squishing
and squashing and stretching and strutting
and still have a working minion at the end of it.
Yeah, that would also be true though,
if he was 250 pound capsule shaped fuck muscle,
you couldn't do any of that stuff.
Like a one foot tall 250 pound capsule of fuck muscle.
So you think that Groot is constantly debating with himself like I don't,
I want to work them extremely hard at crime,
but if they do it too much,
they'll be too sinewy to consume in a pleasurable way.
Yeah.
It must be hard for him to decide
when it's time to eat one.
Yeah, no, for sure.
Everybody, you did a great job on the thing this weekend,
but one of you fell behind,
maybe getting a little too old.
You come inside with me, we have dinner together.
I don't know where Gru's from or how to do the actual thing.
Here's what I think is like, I think he takes one in,
maybe it died in the line of duty.
And that happens a fucking lot in those Despicable Me movies
and we don't talk about that.
Yeah, what's a minion?
Like one hit.
No, no, no, it does happen in Despicable Me movies.
It does not happen in Minions movies.
You're right, sure, I got confused.
And it's a very, they draw a line like,
no, no, no, they're people now for a little bit.
They're people, so you should be sad if they die.
I think he takes one of his fallen comrades
with help from two other minions because they heavy and takes him into his dining room.
He ain't heavy.
He's a minion, he is heavy also.
Oh right.
And they lay him on a table, he says,
you're excused and the other minions leave.
And then he just cuts in there and guys,
I think it's just basically a beef Wellington in there.
Oh, you think?
I think if you cut out a round of minion,
it's just there's a pastry crust, a duxelle.
I think that it's poppin', actually.
I wouldn't be surprised if in the beginning,
and don't let the Minions movies rewrite the truth,
he just had one big long minion,
and as it took hits, it just kept splitting
into smaller and smaller pieces,
and they grew eyes and just kept going.
It'd be cool if they just had an extruder,
a minion extruder.
Yeah, at first he had like a 36 foot tall minion.
Yeah.
I can't get past the idea of an editable shell.
I don't think they would have an edible shell.
I think it would be like you crack it open.
A rind?
A rind, yeah. Like a rind that you have to get to, to. A rind? A rind, yeah.
Like a rind that you have to get to,
to get to the meat inside.
Protective, yeah.
That's cool.
That's cool, I hated this question,
but then I liked it when we started talking about it.
So that's cool.
I knew we'd get there.
Yeah, that kicks ass.
I think we helped some people.
How about another question?
Yeah, here we go.
This one is this.
I mentioned to a coworker that I was looking at mountain biking shoes.
I was doing this because I like shoes.
They were cute.
And my boyfriend is a biking fiend, so I might go biking with him.
Might being a bit optimistic.
I did not realize at the time my coworker loves to mountain bike.
My coworker now believes that I love mountain biking and needs to hear about all his mountain biking plans.
He even sent me a video of his kid riding a bike.
How do I make the mountain biking madness stop?
That's from Plagued by Pedals Improvo.
Was the kid doing something cool
or was it just like, that's what it looks like?
I'm confused.
If you're riding a bike on a mountain, that's pretty cool.
It is cool.
Cause you should be. I've never seen a video of someone riding a bike on a mountain, that's pretty cool. It is cool. Cause you should be.
I've never seen a video of someone riding a bike
on a mountain and been like, yawn.
It's not where bikes belong.
I will say, when you see the video of the bike
and it's like somehow they found a mountain
that's about three inches wide
and they're like riding the tiniest chunk
kind of hopping from rock to rock.
Scary, scary shit.
I look at that and I think we don't have to do everything.
Like if I started to do that, you guys would be like,
whoa, impulse control, Travis.
Yeah.
That's a first thought.
What about a second thought?
But Travis Pastrana does it.
And you're like, yes, that Travis.
That Travis should do it.
I'm just saying guys, I've got some stuff
I need to work through.
When I see people, and usually in sort of like
a Red Bull skills competition,
they're hopping their bike between these narrow spires,
these columns of red stone in the desert,
a million feet high, and they're just hopping down it
and making it look cool and easy.
I think, how does someone get good at that?
Yeah.
Because it seems like, maybe this is a survivorship bias situation
where there's lots of videos of people going,
I'm going to do my silly hops down these spires on my bike.
Oh no.
And those don't make it on the TikTok
or they don't last very long on there if they do.
What we do see is the one guy who's like,
Oh, thank Christ.
Thank Christ.
I did the hops.
Please don't make me do it again.
Thank God. Justin, you looking at cool mountain biking videos? Cause I see your eyes are open. is the one guy who's like, oh, thank Christ. Thank Christ, I did the hops. Please don't make me do it again.
Thank God.
Justin, you looking at cool mountain biking videos?
Cause I see your eyes flicking across the screen
looking for like dope thumbnails of people doing
like wingsuit tricks.
And I just didn't have anything to add
at that exact moment.
You know, have you guys ever seen the bikes
that have the pedals where your feet like lock into the,
like you're wearing shoes that lock in?
You don't do that for mountain biking, right?
Cause that's a huge, you're committing to,
if this bike goes down, I'm going down, right?
Or if I go down, the bike is going down
with on top towards inside me.
Yeah.
No joke.
And how do you get, how do you dis, I mean, maybe just kind of.
No, come on, no, no, no, let him,
there's something cooking inside of justice.
I'm struggling with this question.
You could do what I do, completely forget
about a deep love you had and move on to something else.
Oh, yeah.
And become deeply invested in that,
both financially and mentally.
Talk about that for six months and I get your whole deal. But then deeply invested in that, both financially and mentally.
Talk about that for six months and I get your whole deal.
But then what's that?
You don't care about that thing anymore.
You've moved on to a new purpose in life.
Be it blacksmithing, be it baking,
be it plant keeping, fish keeping,
an electric guitar you bought yourself
and you promised you would learn
and then you never picked it up again.
Something like that, you know what I mean?
You just aren't into mountain biking anymore.
There's something about bikes though.
Oh?
Cause I feel like lots of people bounce around shit
and then they'll hit bikes
and then they'll get kind of stuck there.
Well, scientists don't know how they work.
That's what Justin told me.
Scientists don't know how bikes work.
Yes, that's true.
We don't know how bikes work. Are, that's true. We don't know how bikes work.
What are we? Are we really going to do this on the podcast? Because it's outrageous.
I'll talk to you about it off mic. I'm just saying we don't know how bikes work. You know, we don't. So I'm sorry, Griffin, I didn't mean to bring the whole energy to show that but we don't know how bikes work.
It's outrageous that that could be true. It is true. We don't exactly know how bikes stay upright but we don't know how bikes work. It's outrageous that that could be true.
It is true.
We don't exactly know how bikes stay upright.
We don't know how that works.
Okay, if that's true,
then nothing science has accomplished so far
means a hill of beans.
If we can,
like if we can build a large Hadron Collider
that can discover the god element
in a million mile long sort of a turbo tunnel and launch two particles at each other at the speed of light and see what the fuck happens when they collide.
But we don't know how a bike works. Our priorities are so profoundly fucking out of whack.
Like, let's get to the bottom of this before I get back out on my beautiful steam.
We tried. It was too hard. We did something else. Did different things.
How would you feel though, Justin, if someone said, yeah, we came out with a brand new, I don't know, the 2025 Mitsubishi.
We don't know how it works.
It goes so fast, guys.
We got no fucking, it goes from zero to 60 in 0.1.
We don't know how the fuck it does it.
So get out there.
I would feel the same way I felt when I found out
we don't know how bikes work, which is bad, pretty bad.
Okay.
I felt bad about it, and I would feel bad about this.
Here's something you could do,
is bring a bent-in wheel to work.
Oh, nice.
And then you're like, can you believe this?
Again? Never again.
Oh, never again.
Never again with these fucking bi-wheeled bastard.
Oh, you come in on Monday, you're good to sit down,
and your coworker's like, what's wrong?
And you're like, well, the neighborhood,
like the kind of street punks we've been kind of bullying
about their mountain biking finally challenged us to a race,
and we said the loser would never bike in this town again.
And it turns out, even though we thought
they were just kind of an underdog,
you know, kind of ragtag group,
they banded together, they beat us.
I'm never allowed to mountain bike in this town again.
I can't go against that.
I can't go against it.
Those are street rules, man.
They'll kill my family.
I can't do that.
I kind of thought they'd be like racing for ownership,
you trappers.
You're saying they're racing to be banned from biking.
2003's Eric Von Dedden challenged them to a downhill race.
And it's so important in this, you're the bad guys.
Yeah, absolutely.
The good guys win, the good guys have to win.
So if you guys are the good guys,
you're still able to ride in this town again.
You have to lose while Eric Von Dedden,
his long beautiful locks slowing in the wind,
his ragtag group of friends, they band together,
they beat you in the mountain bike race.
You can never ride in this town again.
I went mountain biking once with my friend Alex
when I was in middle school.
I borrowed my friend Andy's bike so that I could go
and ride on that big dirt hill behind the Kroger.
And there was like a jump back there, maybe it's a Kmart,
I don't know, it's on Route 60.
And they had like a little-
It used to be a Kmart and now it's a Dollar Tree.
They had a little dirt ramp that you could like jump off of.
And so I did, I jumped it and I like just became separated
from the bike in the air and I landed
and I broke our friend Andy's bike pretty bad
and I tore a hole on my butt of my pants.
And then do you guys know what happened?
I wasn't asked to do it ever again.
Now, listen, I also just wanna say Griffin,
I broke my, and then the rest of that sentence
being friend Andy's bike,
and I tore a big hole in the butt of my pants,
are both the best way those sentences could end
given what had happened.
Yeah, I broke my wiener bone and tore a hole in my balls.
Now we're just doing some mad lips
with what could have happened.
Andy's bike was okay.
And the butt of my pants doubled in thickness.
I don't know what I- Doubled in thickness?
Listen, do you think that if you went mountain biking once
and you borrowed a bike for your friend
and did the coolest stunts that are dangerous to you
in the bike, they would say, no, no, no.
I heard about, like, when Griffith did this before,
you're banned.
You're banned from being with us.
Well, you would have to fuck up.
You can't do the toughest tricks and land them.
No, no, no.
I did land.
You have to break them back to yourself.
I am not still suspended in the air
above the dirt track behind the Kmart.
I did land.
Now, was there not a part of you, Griffin?
Cause this is my thing of like,
hey, you know what I've just figured out?
I'd love to watch you do that.
That sounds like a fun thing for me to observe, but not.
I wish I had footage of it.
It was the dumbest thing I've ever done
because it is usually if I recognize
that I don't have the required skill to do something
that could hurt me if I do a bad job of it,
I'll just go ahead and not go ahead and do it.
Do you think that's when it started?
And in fact, sometimes if I am confident
I have the skill to do something, but there's a chance I'll get hurt ahead and not go ahead and do it. Even, and in fact, sometimes if I am confident I have the skill to do something,
but there's a chance I'll get hurt if I fail it,
I'll still kind of sit that one out.
This is the one time where I really went wild,
but this was pre-cell phones,
and otherwise I would have for sure hit World Star.
For sure.
For sure.
Should we tell our friends at home
something about the Max Fun Drive?
Yeah, Griff, it's a time where once a year,
we come to you and say, hey, friend,
we'd really appreciate if you gave us a little help
in paying for these here shows that you enjoy so much.
But it's not just us asking for you to pledge
five or 10, $20 per month.
No, no, no, we're saying thanks
with some fantastic gifts.
That's right, Justin.
If you can pledge $5 a month,
I'll start you off with 600 hours,
more than, plus of bonus content
that you can enjoy at your leisure.
You don't have to do it all in one sitting.
In fact, we would advise against it.
You'll die.
Can you tell them what we did from a Bim Bam and Taz this year?
So it's kind of like a double header, double album.
For My Brother, My Brother, Me, we made up a game for our dad to play based on Plato's
Rave.
It is a sort of one-shot RPG that we came up.
And then for the Adventure Zone, we ran the game, all three of us as as the GMs and Dad playing it, and it is outrageous.
It's outrageous.
I just wanna say too, at $10 a month,
not only do you get that, but you also get your pick
of an enamel pin from the shows on the network,
and these are really great pins.
There's a Mabimban one that says,
bring back farm wisdom on it,
so you can die on that hill with a in style
I really enjoyed I believe this is a wonderful pin with a bit Griffin and a bit Rachel's that yes
It's us in Stardew Valley style. I love that so much
There's there's a bunch of stuff and this whole week. We are going to be doing like streams basically every day
I started things out last week with a fuser stream
with custom songs, DJ'd together,
gonna do that again this week when you hear this.
And on Friday at 1 p.m. Eastern time,
we're having a pizza party on our YouTube channel
to celebrate with everyone.
So make sure that you come by for that.
We'll send this thing out with a bang.
We got stuff happening every day.
We got stretch goals that we're doing
if we can get people to join us at certain numbers.
I have no fucking clue what we are at
as we do this second episode,
because again, we're a week out.
But you know, we're doing a lot of stuff,
and we are able to do all that stuff
because we have a team of people who help us,
and we are able to have a team of people who help us
because of the Max Fun Drive.
Straight up, there is a one-to-one correlation
between the support you show us and the Max Fund Drive
and the amount of stuff and quality of stuff
that we are able to make for you.
And that is a wonderful thing.
Having people who are supporting the show
that you are helping to pay
really helps us to be more consistent.
Like Rachel, our editor, has saved so much time
that we're able to use actually making stuff. Amanda, who handles so much for us, is able to take stuff our plate because of you and your generosity that allows us to just make stuff for you basically all the time anytime we're awake.
I was able to quit my job at Circuit City. Yeah, true.
I was protecting the abandoned buildings
from being taken over by rats.
And it kept me up most nights,
both because it was a night job
and because it was so terrifying.
Yeah.
But I was paid my way in dead rats, which was nice.
But now, thanks to your support,
I was able to quit that job and do podcasting full-time.
And now I just kill rats for fun.
If you don't-
Not from work anymore,
I've been able to find the love and joy in it again,
and it means so much to me
to be able to kill rats with passion once more.
If you don't join us,
Travis will eat 100 rats.
If you do join us,
Travis will eat 100 rats,
but for him,
for him,
on his terms.
If I do it, I will do it in a reluctant,
begrudging manner if we don't do it.
But if we do it, I'll do it in an enthusiastic,
excited, like, oh, every day is a gift kind of manner.
Right, so maximumfund.org slash join is where you can go.
If you're already a member,
you can upgrade your membership.
If you do it during the drive, you can get the next, uh, you know,
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Uh, if you don't want to jump up that high, you can boost your membership
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That is hugely helpful.
Or you can be a first time, uh, member and get access to a ton of great bonus
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We mentioned this last
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Can we go to the wizard's house?
He's got a cloud hut.
Let me get my shoes.
Okay. And then take them off.
He hates shoes.
Well, yeah, but the in-between, I need him to get there.
He's not gonna like my bare feet, like my RA in college
who prides himself on walking around barefoot
for three years.
No, he loves it.
He loves, he loves it.
He loves it?
Yeah, he's-
He loves it when my feet have become hooves?
He likes it when he's like, he'll say stuff like,
the nasty of the toes, and he won't say anything else.
He'll just be like, the nasty of the toes.
Just raise his eyebrows 30 times.
He raises his eyebrows real big.
And his eyebrows are fucking crazy.
I bet he couldn't come up with a second half of the rhyme.
So he lets you fill it in.
The tastier the rose.
That's not it.
No, that's not it.
I just quick update.
Last week we did repeat a WikiHow
that we had done back in episode 590.
So that's on me.
That one's on me.
Did we say new things?
If we do new jokes.
I fucking hope so, man.
That was like two years ago though.
So I don't feel like super bad about it,
but I do feel a little bit bad about it.
Hopefully this-
Now I'm curious what would happen
if you like overlaid them.
How many similar-
What if it was one for,
what if it was perfect?
Perfect one for one.
This one is sent in by Diana.
Thank you by Diana.
Thank you, Diana.
It's how to be a spy kid.
Spying.
How to be a spy kid.
How to be a spy kid.
Spying may be fun and exciting, but it's not easy.
A good spy is hard to find.
To be the next one.
Yeah, that's the point.
That's a really, really good double entendre.
To be the next undercover agent,
you'll need to get trained, create a team, learn mission protocol, hide the evidence,
and enhance your spying technique
through various spy activities.
Can I just say, thank you Griffin for opening this door
for me to step through.
I've been wanting to say this for a long time.
I don't think, I think that the next James Bond,
they need to pick a much more plain looking person.
They have to pick the most handsome,
like interesting looking person. And always pick the most handsome, like interesting looking person.
And if that guy walked into a room in like a tuxedo and a big, like flashy
white, I'd be like, that's a fucking spy.
That guy's a spy.
You know what?
Spies don't always like, you guys seem to have this vision of spies.
Like they're always hiding in the rafters and sneaking around.
Like spies go into rooms and they're always hiding in the rafters and sneaking around, like spies go into rooms
and they're like, everybody dig me.
And everybody's like, they dig them for the wrong reasons.
They dig them.
Oh, I get you.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's not that the spy is hiding,
it's that everybody wants to kiss the spy.
I'm saying that if Pierce Brosnan, Circa Goldeneye,
rolls up to me and he's like, yeah man, isn't it wild
to talk about arms dealers and stuff.
You are not an arms dealer, are you?
I'd be like, look at you.
Look at you.
Look at you, I'm not gonna talk to you.
You're clearly a swine.
You're?
The fact that you highlighted Circa Goldeneye
as if to suggest that Pierce Brosnan
isn't the sexiest he's ever been right now.
But you could literally say that
at any moment of his career, Griffin.
I'm saying that Pierce Brosnan's Circus of GoldenEye
was, I mean, compared to other James Bond movies,
where he got whimsical and weird with the gadgets.
I'm saying that James Bond walks in, sits down,
the handsomest James Bond that has James Bonded.
Everyone's gonna be watching Pierce Brosnan, no matter what he's doing. This is what I'm saying. sits down the handsomest James Bond that has James Bonded.
Everyone's gonna be watching Pierce Brosnan
no matter what he's doing.
That's what I'm saying.
They wanna kiss him.
If I see someone as attractive as that,
I'm gonna assume their motives are pure.
That their heart is clean
and that they wish me only the best.
Yeah, cool.
We'll see how that goes.
I was gonna say,
normal looking spy
was kind of the plot of Johnny English,
but hey, this might be a unpopular opinion.
Fucking Rowan Atkinson looks hot as hell in that movie too.
Like you can't, like there's something about that mantle.
There's something about being a spy that is just kinda hot.
I know, he's a complicated guy.
I think they get it best with Simon Pegg,
Simon Pegg in Mission Impossible,
where I'm like, nice looking, not bad looking.
Pulling it off, yeah.
But he's just in a bar or whatever.
Yeah, okay, cool man.
Whatever you say dude.
Organize your team.
Can it just be the three of us?
Yeah.
I think we missed it. Three brothers solving crimes,
investigating, yeah.
We have a really weird,
like our Venn diagram just looks like a slightly out of focus circle.
We're all pretty good at most of the same stuff.
The same stuff.
I think that we all bring different skill.
Like Griffin's the tech guy, I'm like the face man,
and Justin runs errands for us and picks up stuff.
Justin's strong.
Like, just like, if we need someone to like pull down a pipe.
Travis is strong, though.
Yeah, oh, I'm pretty strong, you're right.
Yeah, I'm not sure why, oh, you're strong,
but you're strong for a podcaster.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm saying, like, the ways that we distinguish
ourselves, if you zoom out, we're basically the same guy
three times, and I don't think it's the same.
Well, one of us has purple hair,
so don't go up in me in there, buddy.
Justin can make checks mix really good.
That's true.
And he can write checks.
I've seen him, he gets cursive-ish.
Yes.
Travis mentioned cursive.
This is something I wanna do
on Macro Family Clubhouse, by the way.
We should see how many cursives you remember.
Fuck off, there's no way I'd put myself in a class like that.
Sorry, what?
You could do all the cursive letters.
Listen, I struggle-
We struggled this before the show, too. I've struggled with them. Sorry, what? You can do all the cursive letters. Listen, I struggled-
We've done this before in the show too.
I've struggled with the capital G
and it's my own first initial of my first name.
And so-
Don't write them.
Let's see, capital G.
What does he got?
Capital G, I mean, it's good.
That's actually really good.
It's really good.
I don't wanna play this game anymore.
It's too good.
Damn it.
Form your team.
That's the Z, baby.
That's the tough one.
Whoa, that's weird. That's really good, Travis's the tough one. Oh, that's weird.
That's really good Travis.
So spying is safer and more fun with two or more people.
Your teammates can back you up
and can help you complete your mission faster
with the right group of people, of course.
If you decide to be alone, that's okay too.
Thanks, Wicky-O.
Okay.
Secrets can definitely be kept a lot easier
when it's just you.
Wow.
If you need to kill your teammates to keep a secret,
that's okay.
Yeah, you need it from the beginning.
You may not need it at the end.
Okay, okay, this is good.
Okay, you should have one teammate
who knows a lot about technology,
such as computer shortcuts and knowledge of gadgets.
Griffin knows a lot of those where you can like
hit three keys at the same time
and make like a special like symbol pop up.
I can format a Google Doc in like a minute.
The tech member can also make maps, sure.
Plans, sure.
Charts, mm-hmm.
And notes about the secret mission.
I can do all that shit in Google Docs
and I can make it look pretty as fuck
with a bunch of cool shortcuts.
Being clever doesn't hurt either.
If you have a friend that's great at thinking outside
of the box and is quick on his or her feet, Justin.
Okay, all right.
Add them to the mix.
I think Travis wanted to be that guy.
I kinda thought it was me with the neurodivergence
and everything, but that's fine.
I'm just kind of the ADHD one.
Do they have that there, Griffin,
and have a friend with ADHD?
No, but it does have, if you have a teammate who's strong,
like for heavy lifting or hard tasks that involve strength.
Does ADHD make you like fit like strong?
Like physically strong?
Oh, shit.
Don't feed into that stereotype, Travis.
My muscles are hyperactive.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, I just use my hyperactive muscles.
But don't just let anyone onto your team.
You need skilled spies, not grunt men.
Thank you very much.
This spy organization could use with a few grunt men.
Yeah, I actually don't wanna do all the grunt work. I don't think they're called grunt men. Yeah, I actually want to do all the grunt work.
I don't think they're called grunt men.
Is that what it says in the article?
It says grunt men.
Minions is trademark, so they can't call them that.
We've got the hacker.
We've got the wheel man.
Justin also has a car.
So he's gonna be the wheel man too.
We've got the muscle.
And then we've got Gruntman.
Gruntman 1 and Gruntman 2.
These guys, they aren't very quiet.
They make a lot of noise everywhere they go.
Anything they do, they make so much fucking noise.
But if we need a copy made of something.
You know, we can't, you want me to hate-
A lot of suits, and those suits get dirty.
Have you seen the shit, like smashing through walls,
swimming through like sewers,
and getting blood all over them?
Putting bomb on the bottom of swimming pool,
like I'm dirty, and I need Grunt Man, one,
to run to Brooks Brothers and get me a new kit.
I would also like people cheering for us,
the people that are like supporting us from below.
You know what I mean?
Like maybe having lunch ready when we get back,
you know what I mean?
It would be nice.
Yeah, say nice things.
You're not really appreciating their skill set
at that point, Travis.
I think you're asking a lot from them.
Like we should hire a professional chef.
Grunt Man graduated from Culinary Institute, bud.
Maybe you should take some time to get to know Grunt Man One.
If Grunt Man One wanted to go into that business,
into that field, he would have pursued it.
He gave that life up to work for us.
He does eventually, Justin.
He needs seed money to start his own restaurant.
That's why he's doing this juice.
I don't wanna be an in-between.
I don't wanna be a way point for lost souls.
I want someone in this organization that is like,
will die for, okay, will die for us.
I mean, will die for us.
Like, he would be killed instead.
Yeah.
No, he'll do that.
Yeah, it won't be me.
But eventually he'd like to make creme brulee professionally.
Just wanna say, this is a little life hack for you at home.
If you're the hacker, you're not gonna get stabbed.
Like you're at your computer,
the worst thing that could happen
is that the government counter hacks you
and your computer shut down.
It doesn't like screen explodes and you fucking die.
Everybody on your team gets killed.
You like literally hop on your phone, LinkedIn,
any one of like 30 Silicon Valley jobs
are just sitting there.
Hacker's cool, hacker's cool
because your whole team gets squished
by the elevator or whatever,
and all you do is just close the laptop, stand up,
put on a baseball hat, walk into the crowd.
That's fucking cool.
That's exactly what I was picturing.
That exact moment, that's how clear that,
well, that's gonna do it.
Walk, go, next job, Dairy Queen.
The hacker is safe, but I've watched a lot of movies
in my day, and I will just say this as a blanket statement.
If at any point the villain shows up
where your hacker is and kills them,
you're done, Jack.
You're done, okay?
They are way too bad for you.
You are not going to win over them.
They are several steps ahead.
The hacker is like the medic in like spy,
like Geneva convention.
Like you killed the hacker?
No, no.
What's wrong with that?
Like what?
What are you talking about?
You can kill Gruntman one and Gruntman two and I get it.
That's why I love to keep a Gruntman around
where the hacking takes place.
Just circling the hacker.
To have a little bit of help.
Yep.
So set up a hierarchy for your team.
This is where it's gonna get nasty.
Where's the kid part?
Be a kid.
Keep your grades up.
Okay.
Set up a hierarchy.
Make sure each of your members has a purpose.
They'll feel like they're a valuable part of the team too if they have a specific role.
And now let's make them feel less valuable by setting up a hierarchy.
A captain who's in charge of the team.
Hacker can't be that.
No.
So it's one of you.
No, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.
That's a good thought, Griffin.
They always make the leader the person
who's going in and doing a lot of the punching and codes.
Oh, but I got the map.
Yeah, why don't you just be the leader?
Like, and that way if we all get killed,
you go find other people that love the same kind of crime.
That's cool.
And you can, you know, continue our mission.
I just assumed it's because as we've established,
the hacker is the safest.
So it's kind of hard for the captain to be like,
okay, Tom Cruise's character,
now walk towards that guy with the big gun.
Yeah, but I'm saying that's what sets us apart.
It's like the hacker is the leader, so you can't stop us.
Yeah, so when we go to SpyCon, they'll be like,
we'll do a panel on like innovations and spy hierarchies,
and we'll be like, walk up there and be like,
hey, what's up, I'm, I won't have a,
I'll say like a cool name, like Clover Knife.
Electro Lizard.
I'm Electro Lizard, and I'm a spy,
and they'll all say, hi, Electro lizard,
and then I'll be like, yeah.
I've been spying for six months now, congratulations.
I'll be like, check this shit out, guys.
I'm the hacker and the captain.
Everybody's gonna stand up and applaud me,
one, for my bravery, and two, for this incredible idea.
I have the map, of course I should be the one telling people where to go.
A window breaks. A shot rings out.
Gruntman 1 dies between Electric Lizard and the window. Gruntman 1 goes down.
Just how I planned it, as the captain of the team.
A vice captain who helped the captain make decisions and take their place if they are ill.
Spy kids! If they are ill, spy kids.
And they're ill?
Guys, it's me, Captain Hacker, Electro Lizard.
I had some Buffalo Wild Wings last night.
It is for that reason that Gruntman 2
is going to sub in today as vice captain.
He ain't hacking, like no one's hacking on this mission, okay?
You guys are gonna be hacking free,
but you will have a guiding light
in the form of Grunt Man 2.
A tech person in charge of the computer
surveillance equipment and maps,
that's not in the hierarchy.
That's just like a job.
Yeah, it's a rank.
Yeah, it's in a rank.
It's weird that, see, that's what it tells you Griffin
about how much we need to break up the hierarchy,
like establish that they would put that in the list of like,
and of course, third on the list, the hacker.
Cause they're not.
That's just how important the hacker is.
Also says, make sure there are other spies at the base
ready to back you up on your mission.
Right, we have talked about Gruntmans.
How many kids are going to be part of this?
Operate, like if someone's like,
hey, do you wanna join our spy club?
And you're like, yeah, sure.
And then you show up to the first meeting
and there's 46 kids there.
Yeah, and they're like, we're sending out three of you,
two of you are grunts, the other 41,
you're gonna rotate in if we need you to just stay here
in Bill's backyard.
Yes. Well, yeah. Yeah, there's so many spy kids that want the opportunity if we need you to just stay here in Bill's backyard.
Yes.
Well, yeah.
Yeah, there's so many spy kids that want the opportunity
and I only know about two spy kids.
So what is happening with all these other spy kids?
These potential spy kids.
We don't see a lot of, like in the spy kids movie,
a lot of desk spy kids,
where like the spy kids come back
and file their paperwork with the other kids
that just work desk jobs.
There should be an HR spy kid.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh yeah?
Maybe most of the time I'm learning
about dinosaurs and biology, but by night,
I talk people through interpersonal problems
that they're experiencing in the workplace.
I think it's it.
Yeah.
Equip your team members with your-
If I'm killed by the bad guys,
something's going terribly wrong.
Something's really wicked fucked up.
Equip your team members with your spy gadgets.
Remember, being a spy team means helping each other through thick and thin.
If you have a few gadgets to your name, dish them out evenly.
The more successful your team is, the more successful you and the mission are.
Yeah, man. I disagree.
If you have, let's say you have four members, right?
And everybody can carry two gadgets
and you have four gadgets.
Yeah, you could give each person one gadget
or have two people loaded down with gadgets
and they're leading the way.
Or one person with a lot of gadgets. Yes, that's what I'm saying. The gadgeteer of the way. Or one person with a lot of gadgets.
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
The gadgets here of the group.
The gadget guys.
Tom Cruise has most of the gadgets
because when Tom Cruise comes face to face with a bad guy,
he doesn't want to be like, now I'll use the mask.
And Benji's like, oh, I've got the mask.
And he's like, what?
Fuck, can you bring it to me?
I mean, not in the next like 20 minutes.
That is awkward when they're divvying up the gadgets in the beginning.
And Tom Cruise is like,
oh, we'll be doing most of the different things.
I mean, it'd be fair.
And Vigrave is like, but I wanna have the gun this time.
But I said I want the gun this time.
You said last time I can have the gun this time.
You promised, Ethan.
And this here is a special marshmallow
that when you eat it, it makes you better at hacking.
I need that.
You don't need that, Tom Cruise. Why when you eat it, it makes you better at hacking. I need that. You don't need that Tom Cruise.
Why do you need that Tom Cruise?
Oh, a wingsuit that lets you jump off of a motorcycle?
Yeah, can I have that?
You're sitting in a car with a computer.
You don't know.
Right here we've got a very realistic looking Tom Cruise mask.
I need that.
I need that to look like Tom Cruise.
You are Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise.
So some of the examples they give,
intercoms, cell phones, video equipment,
iPods and other communication devices,
walkie talkies, whistles, cameras.
That's a smartphone.
That's a smartphone.
There's also like four different versions
of the same thing in there,
intercom and walkie talkie you say?
Yeah.
Communications keys.
Says here, katana or other similar long blade.
As a spy?
As a spy kid?
Scooze?
It doesn't actually say that.
Oh my god.
But you know me, like.
Yeah.
No, just take one of your parents' kitchen knives
for that.
Pretend it's a katana.
Nothing bad can happen.
Yeah.
You're a spy kid.
My whole aesthetic as Electro Lizard is very like cyberpunk, so I do have a katana. Nothing bad can happen. Yeah. You're a spy kid. My whole aesthetic as a lecture lizard
is very like cyberpunk, so I do have a katana
and I do have a shotgun that has been sawed off
to a degree where it is not functional.
He went too far.
He put the cartridge, the cartridge just fall right out.
It's not falling.
He kept bringing it back to us and Travis and I were like,
well, that's pretty rad, but I bet you can make it even radder. And he's like, yeah, yeah, just fall right out. It's not falling, he kept bringing it back to us and Travis and I were like, well, that's pretty rad,
but I bet you can make it even radder.
And he's like, yeah, yeah, just kidding, just kidding.
Let me try again.
And he came back eventually and it was just the handle.
It's just a handle, there's no trigger.
Just the stock, honestly,
he cut off past where the trigger is.
Yeah.
And that was just a wooden kind of like triangle.
He was really unsure when he got to that point
where we were like, no, no, no,
take a little bit more off of it.
Yeah, a little bit more.
And the worst part is it didn't even happen in one,
so it's not like two halves.
He has like 10 chunks of shotgun now.
Can't even glue it back together.
No.
I made some special rings out of those lost barrels.
The flint, the little hammer is still on there,
so now it's a pretty kick-ass fidget while I'm hacking.
Now, training as a spy, practice using your gadgets.
Do several practice runs in location
other than the actual mission to test
and get used to your gadgets and clothes.
Clothes, your clothes didn't-
You're in spy clothes.
You gotta conceal them.
Dress the part, two things to consider,
you either wanna go totally spy-worthy
or totally incognito.
It's more fun to dress like a spy,
but sometimes it makes more sense to blend in,
which is appropriate for your next mission.
So when they say spy-worthy,
they're talking like tuxedo, right?
Yeah, there's a picture here,
and one half of it is a boy in sweats and a green t-shirt,
and the other one is a boy who looks like a blues brother.
And I bet you James Bond,
when he goes somewhere and he's like,
you're going to a party on the beach, James.
And there's a drug guy who's there,
you need to find him and get the key.
And he's like, okay, I'm going to wear my fancy suit.
And they'll be like, James?
No, James.
No, Heather.
But the jacket has like stuff sewn into it.
Yeah, James, but you're going to look like a dingus.
We got these board shorts for you, James.
It's a Tommy Bahama and board shorts.
It's a brand deal we worked out.
Things have been hard for the government lately with all the cutbacks and whatnot, so you're
branded now.
Please, these crocs.
Now, what's amazing, James, we've taken your shoes and we've altered them.
We've cut tiny holes in them and made them out of a soft, cushy thing. They're breathable now, James.
We call them crocodiles.
Uh, learn to code data,
encrypt your written messages with a simple code.
They can be as simple as substituting a letter for another,
or you can use numbers for letter or make up entirely new
symbols that correspond to the alphabet.
That's a pretty wild escalation of code technology.
Of switch the letters around,
use numbers instead of letters,
or come up with your own alphabet.
It's also weird that their advice
in doing this made up thing
is to do a real, very hard thing.
If I wanna put in the work of learning to code
and get one of the many great jobs
in computer technologies,
I maybe don't need to be a spy kid.
If I have that kind of, like, ethic,
maybe I'm just gonna go get a great job.
Like, this WikiHow article should be titled, like,
how to talk your kids out of playing a game they wanna play.
Yeah, like, oh, spy kid, huh?
Oh, cool, yeah, you wanna,
oh, you wanna pretend to be a spy.
Okay, sit down and let me teach you about ciphers.
Is it a lot of work?
Now look at this, see the symbol? It's like, ah, no, man pretend to be a spy. Okay, sit down and let me teach you about ciphers. Is it a lot of work? Now look at this, see this symbol?
It's like, no man, I'm going to-
I'm pretty sure the code they're talking about here, Justin,
is like hiding secret messages
and not like practicing JavaScript.
I don't think that that's the type of-
That makes a lot of sense.
Because maybe I'm worried that you think that JavaScript
and like making coding to
make computer softwares happen involves secrets, like a lot of secrets.
If you're doing it right.
We call them Easter eggs in the biz.
You should do this next one, whether you're a spy kid or not.
Practice escaping from places.
Yeah, everybody should be doing that.
A locked room, not a problem.
A tree, easy.
A crowded room, don't even worry about it.
A crowded locked tree.
Now we're talking full of Kepler elves.
The secret ingredient is children.
Good luck.
You and your spy team can escape from just about anywhere,
including a sticky situation. Gross. You and your spy team can escape from just about anywhere, including a sticky situation.
You have a sticky situation?
Never use elevators. If you get trapped in one, you're trapped.
Uh oh. This must be a need to read.
Stairs allow for more exits.
True. Get out anyway, or stairs.
Go up them, down them.
Down them?
Side to side?
Whatever, man. You can jump over the rail down them. Down them. Side to side.
Whatever, man.
You can jump over the railing
from the higher one to the lower one.
Climb to your oysters.
You can do that cool thing.
Whatever, man.
And you fall down the holes in between the stairs.
Yeah, that's so cool.
Go down the middle of it real fast, Dad.
Is another way out.
Slide down like Mary Poppins.
Yeah, cool.
You don't see that in those spy movies.
It will be- We gotta get out of here.
Wee!
It will be easier to escape places
and to sneak into them if you learn how to pick locks.
A bit of a sinister tone, a bit of a sinister twist
that this Wiki article has taken.
It's actually incredibly easy to pick locks.
It's not hard.
It is difficult to pick locks
in a way that you don't break them.
But you can brute force any loc.
Sleep tight.
Get used to talking in different voices.
I'm Danny Big.
Different accents, that's important.
That's it. That was my Russian accent.
So far, all this is applicable to people
who wanna be podcasters.
Every single day.
This will make, yeah, learn to pick locs,
have lots of voices.
This will mainly be helpful if you're using cell phones
or walkie talkies.
Codenames are a necessity too.
Pepper, I've tracked into the FBI mainframe.
Pepper, I'm somewhat of an expert at hacking.
May we smash the bloody bottles now, daddy?
Okay.
That's a code for-
Fuck it, let's do it, Pepper.
That's a code for kill every motherfucker in the room.
Ha ha!
All right, choose your mission.
You lady, be spitted out, daddy.
Choose your mission.
For example, you might figure out
where your guardians hid something,
figure out the password to a friend's club,
or find out which neighborhood dog
has been dirtying your dad's prized lawn,
and then do something about it.
Oh, my land.
There's no mission too small, either. Is there a mission too big? There's no mission land. There's no mission too small either. Is there a mission too big?
There's no mission too, there's no mission too small,
but there might be a mission too dog murder
for the spy kids to take it on.
I don't feel like that's in their bailiwick.
I would like to think that if I were a spy child,
that I would not worry about missions being too small for me,
but rather if a government official rolled up and was like,
hey, I heard that you did a great job figuring out
which dog was shitting in your dad's yard.
Well, we need you to kill Obama too.
Whoa, holy shit.
Obama Jr. is out there.
We need you to get him and take him out.
Why? Why?
Well, because you're the best spy kids on the block.
No, no, no.
We get that.
But why does Obama too?
What's wrong with Obama too?
He's like the second, oh, sorry.
Oh, sorry.
Travis Patrick.
It's the Max Fun Drive 2024.
Listen, it's been a long day.
Yeah, not that long.
This is the third thing we've recorded today.
That does not give you permission
to make a goof up like that in Max Fun Drive 2024.
I'm Mano Salma.
Of course you did.
Obama 2's fine.
He's an evil clone.
What about that?
That was such a confusing few moments for me.
It really was.
I'm not sure if the listeners heard it,
but I feel like they should have.
Cover your tracks, Travis.
Make sure you and your teammates
don't leave anything behind.
Destroy any footprints on dirt or mud or audio recordings
and destroy any accidental fingerprints if you notice them.
All papers at the scene should be recycled
and definitely no clothing or anything else personal
left for curious eyes to find.
Kill any witnesses.
Take away, text message, delete text messages,
emails, phone calls, and it's likely no one will see these
but it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Scrub your existence.
I'm gonna see, rendezvous after the mission with your team.
This is the best fucking part, guys.
This is the best fucking part.
Yeah.
You meet in front of the Bellagio,
in front of the water fountain.
Now, they're not spies, nor are they kids,
those oceans guys.
Can they crack open some Coronas?
Like at a grill?
Yeah, not kids.
Not kids.
Spy kids can drink.
Yeah.
That's in the constitution.
Spy kids can drink.
Right!
McGruff said as much as McGruff was like,
That was cool! I think we can all agree.
Spy kids can drink.
McGruff, you earned these, sons.
You want to drink beer like your cool friend McGruff?
Then sign up to be a secret child cop.
Yum yum yum yum yum yum. You guys won't believe how good this shit tastes, Then sign up to be a secret child cop. Be a narco today.
Yum yum yum yum yum.
You guys won't believe how good this shit tastes, but spies only.
Of course if you were to tell us a few secrets about your friends, that might make you an
honorary spy.
Rough.
I'm gonna skip forward to the end here.
Do not tell any non-spies what you're up to.
Only friends who are being initiated into the program
should be told about your activities,
otherwise keep it secret and low key.
Some might be jealous and some might blab your secret.
The fewer people who know, the better.
But if all spies are acting like that,
how do you know who's a spy and who's not?
The fact that you have to ask that question, Travis.
Just shows how ignorant you are.
Like, if I need to recruit someone, I'll do it in like a
cool hacker way.
Like how? Can you show me?
I'll do like they'll be driving. Ah, shit, it's kids. They'll
want to be the backseat of the car that their parents are
driving and they'll drive by a road sign and I'll hack it for
just a second. It's as like Toby open your email. Hey Griffin yeah I'm not
a spy you shouldn't have told me that you're going to jail. Well that was an
ex- that fuck I can't but wait you are a spy Travis. Fuck yeah I am. You are actually a spy.
But our listeners are also now spies. Fuck. Yeah sorry you're all spies. We made the club way too big, dudes.
Yeah, we did. That one's on us.
Time to pay your dues to the club.
And the best way of doing that is going to
MaximumFun.org forward slash join and signing up.
This is our last pitch.
And I want to say, first of all, like we do every year,
thank you so much for all of your support
and for over the years for helping to make it possible for us to do this.
This is a good time of year to remember to say thank you for that.
So thank you, thank you, thank you.
If you if you don't yet support the show and you get something out of it and you can obviously not everybody's in a place to we understand that completely.
But if you can even pledge in five bucks a month is really helps us out a lot because those donations combine make it possible for us to pay the people who help us to make the shows to make time for it every week to do these other streams and other things that we do it's all thanks to your generosity we really really appreciate it and but such as how to see we got. We do have gifts. I just wanted to say one more thing real quick
where like maybe you're sitting there
and you're thinking like,
I'm thinking about it.
I want to, I'm not an American PI, I don't know.
And the fact of the matter is,
is like you might feel like, you know, $5 a month
or like I'm one person, whatever, right?
But the thing is, is the show, the network,
all of this is based off of everybody coming together
to show that support, individuals, right?
This isn't a big corporate structure where we have, I don't know, people financing the
whole thing, one person making the decisions.
This is everybody as individuals giving whatever they can and coming together as one group
to build out the whole network.
So every single person matters.
It's a co-op.
You know, this isn't a podcast network that's going to be bought out by a big media company
and then summarily dispatched.
It's your podcast network because you helped make it happen.
So if you would like to join that group at $5 a month, we said you get the bonus content
and that's all great.
But at $10 a month,
we've got some beautiful pins for you
based on the different shows.
You can choose whatever one you like.
At $20 a month, you have a choice to make a big one.
We have a Max Fund Bucket hat
with the Max Fund logo on it.
And if you are someone whose head is of a size, perhaps a certain carriage
that perhaps a seven and one eight hat would not fit you.
We have maybe your head with laugh at that size hat.
Right. We have a bandana that's this games on the go set.
That's a bandana that turns into a checker or chessboard.
And you can play it has little pieces and you can play on your bandana.
How charming is that?
But of course, the gifts are just a thank you.
The real thing is, please help us to make these shows
because we love doing it.
I'm gonna say one more thing that I think is very incredible
and people at home might not realize,
it's rare, not just in podcasting,
but in a lot of different things,
to be able to say this,
but even though we are on this network,
we own this show, right?
We own adventures of this is our thing.
Max Fun supports our show and says,
make the show you guys wanna make,
that people wanna hear.
We're not like getting notes from them
or they don't tell us that, none of that stuff, right?
They purely exist to support us and facilitate like us
making the thing that we love, the thing that we want to.
And that is rarer and rarer these days.
Yeah, for sure.
To be able to like have the opportunity without getting,
I don't know, having to make cuts
or having to change things.
And so support us and you also support the network.
It goes both ways and the network supports us.
And it's just a very lovely thing to be a part of.
Yes, and we appreciate you.
MaximumFun.org slash join is the link you can go to.
You can start a new membership there.
You can boost yours or upgrade it to a new level
to get the prizes.
One new thing this year is that you can also pay upfront
for the whole year if you don't wanna worry
about having a recurring charge on your card
that you have to keep in the back of your mind,
you can just pay upfront for the whole year.
And that obviously helps the same amount
and helps us with a great deal.
All of that is at maximumfund.org slash join.
If you are sitting at a computer or at a screen right now
and you think you might wanna do this,
then do it now before you forget.
Please.
Because we don't have much more time running here
in this year's drive,
and we have no idea how we're doing so far.
So the tone of this is, we're a bit in the weeds,
but we appreciate you so much.
And more and more people tell me like,
I listen to it with my kid in the car.
And if that's true,
they should really have a membership too.
Yeah.
I mean, at this point,
they're kind of just wheezing the juice
up to yours.
So maybe sign them up for one
so they're not freeloading anymore.
You know what I mean?
And don't pay for theirs.
No, no, no.
This is an important life lesson.
They need to get a job.
Right, exactly.
Thank you to Montane for these four theme songs.
My Life Is Better With You.
It's a great track, a great tune,
and we are so, so grateful to be working with Montane,
and do we have a wish for a fun galore?
Of course we do.
We do.
I'd be happy to.
This is from BRH6.
Oh, I wish we didn't have to sleep.
My name is Justin McElroy.
I'm Travis McElroy.
I'm Griffin McElroy.
This has been My Brother, My Brother.
May you kiss your dad square on the lips. Because it's true It's better, it's better with two
By way
Ah, it's better with you