My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 705: Crispy Cuppy Puppies
Episode Date: April 1, 2024Just in time for April, we've got a bevy of questions and bits that can't possibly be anything but pranks: Hangers that are so sticky they're like jelly sandwiches, songs that have no metaphors, and a... very very dirty description of pickles on pizza. Turtle power.Suggested talking points: Toilet Casablanca, Stack of Crimes, Infatuation Saturation, Part Human, Part Cop, All HumanCop, Dickle, Dommy MommiesPalestine Children's Relief Fund: https://www.pcrf.net/
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The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.
Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.
What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful
A small acquaintance has blossomed
It's ripened into a precious friendship
I could've never seen what was coming for me
Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach
My life, it feels like
Life, ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
My life, ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
This is true, ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with two
My life, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, To my brother, my brother, me.
That was in April 4, I'm not British. This is Travis McRoy, I'm the oldest brother.
I'm your middle-est brother, what up,
Trav Nation, Travis McRoy.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Good morning.
Bonjour.
Je suis Griffin.
Oh my gosh, are you French?
That's my Je, I thought it was my Je.
French-Canadian?
It doesn't. I struggle, I really struggle with this day.
Can I give you some quick review of the pranks that I enjoyed today?
Sure.
Yeah, sure.
Woke up to enjoy some pranks at my house.
We had a classic film on the toilet.
That was fun to experience.
And Justin, if I might point out,
you live in a house full of people who,
let's say, don't stand up to use the potty.
So I would say varying experiences with that prank.
Probably, yeah, you're catching up.
Juice, I do just wanna clear up, just one't worry. Juice, I do just wanna clear up.
Just one more thing, Juice, I do just wanna clear up.
Yeah.
When you say classic film on the potty,
you don't mean you turned on Casablanca.
Inside you project Casablanca into the toilet bowl
and piss on- No, no.
This is my new art project.
It's called Toilet Casablanca.
I project it into a toilet and you have to stand
and look into the toilet for an hour and a half
or however long.
Or piss on Bogart.
Yeah, that one was rough.
The gallon of milk was dyed pink.
That's not so bad, yeah.
It's not too bad. That one's cute.
I like that. That annoyed me
because I use that to bake.
But anyway, the milk was dyed pink.
All of the silverware from all the drawers
was laid out across the counter.
That kicks ass, that's just a mess.
A note was scrawled that said, be our guests.
Oh, that's great!
I love that!
So I asked Charlie, she said, I don't know.
She's like, I don't know.
They must be our guests.
I don't know.
Maybe Sydney did it.
Yeah, maybe it was Sydney.
I don't know.
You're gonna understand, there is a,
we woke Charlie up at 6.30
and she sprinted out of her room at 6.30.
She only has a limited amount of time
to get all these together.
There is a time crunch with these.
All these have to have to happen very quickly. The last one is every cushion in the living room
and every pillow is in a big pile on the floor.
And there's a piece of paper on top that says prank.
That's good.
Oh man, that's hell, dude.
I love that, because I wouldn't know, Jews.
I would think we've been robbed, but then I would see the note. Well, mad as hell, dude. I love that, because I wouldn't know, Jews.
I would think we've been robbed,
but then I would see the note.
Well, not robbed, Griffin, ransacked,
because they were looking for the secret formula
or like the gizmo that would control the thing.
I was just standing there looking at it,
this huge pile of pillows with a note that said prank,
and I said, Charlotte, what in the world, Charlie?
What is this?
And she said, I know, I didn't have time
to write the ED at the end.
Yeah.
Cause I thought I'd get caught.
So I just wrote prank.
Yeah.
Now for a rush job, a lot of work went into this.
That's what I was upset about was that you didn't write
the full pranked experience.
And it's, hey y'all, that's, it's 9 a.m. at my house.
I was gonna say, it's really early in the morning
for four pranks to be executed.
Yeah, I don't know what the next pranks will be,
but I'm in terror.
We have not taught our children,
like, you know how there's some parents
that like maybe don't expose their children
to like violence in media or like video games
till a certain age.
Our children-
Or woke public schools.
Woke public schools.
Our children don't know that April Fools exists.
I don't think. Great.
They haven't brought it up, it's not a thing.
And mostly I do that because if anyone's seen
the My Brother, My Brother and Me TV show,
they know I'm not a great actor.
And so my ability to act like the thing
that my child did pranked me.
Thank you.
Hey boys, thank you.
I'm more of a performer.
Because right now there's a thing
that both of my children like to do
where they will say, don't look at me.
And I have to look forward
as they clearly walk in my peripheral vision and then they're seven inches
away from me and go, ha!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And every time I have to clutch my chest.
That's good.
And act so surprised.
Yeah.
That's good.
That's good.
It's good stuff.
That's a prank.
That's a prank.
Your kids, Justin, are so funny in a way
that I am glad I know someone,
but I don't have to put up with the fools,
the April fools myself.
Oh yeah, because you have to understand
every story that is like this has just been turned,
we brought it in the processing plant in my heart
that makes anger into laughs.
Because I didn't remember it was April Fools today.
So I just walked out and started, I didn't, not until,
actually you know what the moment was?
It was when I saw the little piece of paper
that said prank.
Yeah.
And I gotta say, as a des nuits,
as a final act, it's very good.
It's a grand reveal.
To not remember it's April Fools
and have like a crazy pee accident,
that like first thing in the morning.
First thing in the morning.
Probably brain not working right thinking like,
uh oh, toilet force field,
Elon, why did you activate my toilet force field, Elon?
Elon, let me piss, dog.
Actually, the force field is really good for you to do.
Yeah, ask the Earth.
Ask the Earth.
Everybody loves you.
Yeah, the advertising's very stupid
because the toilet forcefield is gonna save Earth.
They killed toilet forcefield.
Ask the Earth.
Call my toilet Pepe.
Pepe the Frog.
I bet I can.
Lo lo lo lo lo lo lo. Call the toilet Pepe lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo It was like shut down. Only like three people saw it. They were like, yeah, no, I swear he tweeted this.
Okay, listen, if he put out an Azit today.
If he's Zeded.
If he put out Azit today that said,
big news, we're going back to Twitter
and everyone got very excited.
And then he said, April fools.
Wouldn't that kind of be pretty good?
That would kind of be pretty good.
I'm willing to separate the art from the artist.
He's one of the world's worst dudes,
but that's, there's something there.
Yeah, it would get me.
I would chuckle.
Yeah, I would laugh at that.
But you know what else I'm gonna laugh about?
Your problems. That's right, I would laugh at that. But you know what else I'm gonna laugh about? Your problems.
That's right, this is an advice show.
I wouldn't frame it quite like that.
You heard me.
This is an advice show,
and we're gonna take your questions
and we'll turn them alchemy-like into wisdom
because that is our legal right.
Our legal responsibility.
I often bring my clothes to a tailor
because of my height or to lengthen their lifespan.
Every time my seamstress gives me clothes,
each and every item will come on a hanger.
I keep forgetting to bring the hangers back each time.
So I go to drop off or pick up my clothes.
I've amassed a huge collection of these hangers. She has
a sign on the door asking that the hangers be returned, but I feel like it's really awkward
to bring this wad of 20 or so hangers back without having any actual clothes to drop
off. Well, with my current track record, is it inevitable I will forget to bring them
back the next time I do need my tailor? Brothers, what do I do? This is from anxious and Alan. P.S. they are strut hangers with sticky tubes.
Oh. Oh.
So I can't use them for my own clothes
because the stickiness comes off.
Yeah.
We, these can't exist in here.
If straws are killing turtles en masse,
sticky hangers have gotta be wiping out someone
to a huge, like, like. We're done with sticky hangers. We have to be done with sticky hangers have got to be wiping out someone to a shoot like-
We're done with sticky hangers.
I mean, that's the reason so your pants still slide off.
Cause if it's metal hangers, the pants slide right off.
Yeah, but yeah, but you must know that putting
a sticky tube on them is not-
I'm not defending.
I'm saying there's a real-
You know, it sounded kind of like you were devil's advocating.
I know the logic behind the sandwich,
but that's like staple in a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich to your hand so you don't drop it.
It's like, yeah, there is one way of achieving it,
but I've created a great deal of other problems.
Yeah, you can just put like a felt thing on there
and it won't slide off.
Just a felt thing?
On the sandwich?
Yeah, to protect it.
That's what Paddington does.
He puts a felt thing on it, protects it.
Just watch Paddington for the first time this weekend. Delightful.
No nummies without my grippies.
I don't think he would call them grippies.
Yeah, my grippies.
Gets my felt grippies.
100% that's a sex thing that we don't, the three of us don't know about.
We can't invoke felt grippies. We can't say in a padding, we can't say in a Paddington voice,
give me grippies.
Grippies, mommy.
Grifetch my felt grippies, mama.
Shit, man.
I've been a Paddington.
Now listen, this is a non-problem question, Asuka.
Okay, cool.
It's not awkward.
There's a sign on the door that says,
please bring these back.
That is true.
I feel like you're inventing,
like it would be so awkward to do this errand.
I don't feel like doing it.
Yeah, if you wanna walk in and hand them 20,
like hangers that they need,
that's the service you're providing.
Now, if you're saying it's inconvenient
to go there just to drop off hangers
when I don't have clothes to drop off,
that I agree with. That's true.
That's called being a human being drop off. That I agree with. That's true.
That's called being a human being on Earth.
I don't make two trips.
That's what makes it so inspiring.
I don't care what it is.
That's what makes it so inspiring to the person though.
This is why it's so meaningful to them.
You made a special trip just to bring back
their bad hangers.
It's incredibly, incredibly kind.
You go in there, you say, do you want these hangers back
or do you wanna double it and give it to the next person?
Inspiring as hell. Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, man.
It's possible, is it possible the sign doesn't exist
and only exists in this person's sort of like,
imagination as they walk?
It's a manifestation of their own guilt.
Oh.
Doug, please return our hangers.
Wait, I inferring and the sign says like,
see you next time.
And it's like, yeah, I get it.
Okay. Yeah.
The energy, there's a hidden energy behind this question.
There's a hidden Mickey.
There's a hidden Mickey, if you look real close,
and it's the like awkwardness of returning
an extremely overdue library book or Blockbuster video
if the year was 2003.
It is horrible to show up to a place
with 30 things that you're like 10 years late returning.
That is, they're afraid they're gonna ask,
what the fuck have you been doing with,
what weird gross sex thing have you been doing
with these hundred hangers that you couldn't bring?
Have you been doing felt grippies?
Have you been doing felt grippies with these?
Oh.
You want a bad version of this, the post office,
when, say you have a post office box, for example,
and they give you the things that your listeners
so kindly sent you, and then you take them in a big crate.
Sometimes it's two crates.
Whoa, thanks guys.
Popularity.
You take them home, and you look at the box,
and it says, if you do anything, if you have this,
you're a fucking criminal, you're going to jail for it.
Not for laundry, you criminal.
And they're big, you can't put them out with the trash,
because the trash guys are like, are you fucking crazy?
I'm not gonna cross the post office,
what are you talking about?
We're all in it together, man,
I'm not gonna throw away their boxes, fuck you.
We're barely getting through this thing as this, man,
you want me to start a feud?
So what happens?
Well, my post office guys, who are already,
I will say, kind of on the fence with regards to me,
because- Yeah, and let's be honest, in general.
I'm a pleasant enough person and I'm very friendly.
So they like that and I use their names.
They seem to enjoy that.
One time I had over a hundred boxes of Kraft Dinner
sent to me by listeners, huge crates of Kraft Dinner
and mac and cheese powder.
And they did not enjoy that.
That was not a time that they loved.
They still call juice Mr. Noodle.
They still do call him Mr. Noodle at that post office.
So now I'm gonna bring in a big stack of crimes, right?
I know guys, I know it's federal property.
Here's all my crates back.
They need an amnesty weekend.
They need an amnesty, I was gonna say.
This is why in general, and it's completely,
because listen, you bring back 20 hangers at a time,
they're not gonna send you to Taylor jail, right?
They're not gonna lock you up,
but if they put a sign out.
Can you try Taylor jail again?
Taylor jail?
Taylor jail.
There's something there.
Taylor jail.
They're not gonna show you up.
So.
Okay, that's cool.
That's cool.
That's good.
Here's the thing, if they put a sign out
that says like every Monday is Amnesty Monday,
like you bring no questions asked.
You bring back the hangers.
But there's no penalty.
The Amnesty here would-
I know there's no penalty, Griffin.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let me finish. It's more about the cosplay.
The Amnesty here is when they see you walk up
with a big bag of hangers,
all the employees go into the back, like, yeah.
They can leave the room.
All the employees fully leave, like, oh,
cause there's no penalty, the amnesty is entirely.
You see the red light on the camera blink off.
It's like, okay, this is your moment.
I don't even need them to leave.
I just need them to busy themselves, like with some task.
It could be like, oh, something.
You need them to look away so you can hop out and say, blah!
There's just a box of masquerade masks
that you can put on as you bring them in.
All right, yeah, some guy dropped these outside
and I'm just a passerby, I brought them in.
Yeah, maybe you could have a different place
you drop them off at a third party,
picks them up and takes the blame for bringing them in.
Okay, listen, if any small children looking for a job are listening, just a way to pick at a third party, picks them up and takes the blame for bringing them in. Okay, listen.
If any small children looking for a job are listening,
just a way to pick up a few bucks, don't mow lawns.
Wait outside this dry cleaner, this tailor or whatever,
say, I'll take your hangers in for you for a couple bucks.
You slay me a couple bucks, I'll be your fence,
I'll take these hangers in for you.
Then you don't have to feel bad, and you're a jobs creator.
The worst version of this is when you're donating stuff,
and it's one of the places where you don't just drop it off.
You have to like, stand there,
and then you have to play this like,
everyone's least favorite game show,
is this, it's my stuff trash.
Yeah.
It's like, I thought this was still stuff,
and they'll look at it and say, no, just a new stuff.
We don't take that.
This is trash you brought.
It's like, okay, so I'll just,
you want me to take my trash home with me?
Yeah, we will remember that.
Traditionally, yeah.
Do you ever run into that thing where you're done any stuff
and then they ask you like,
do you want a receipt for taxes?
How much do you think all of this is worth?
It's like when I was filing my insurance claim
for my stolen CDs in the late nineties.
Like how much, oh God, man,
there's some great CDs in there.
A lot of them.
Because there's a number.
There's a number.
There is a number where they're gonna say,
yeah, sounds right.
And a number where they say, you're going to jail. You're going to the actual prison. And also a number where they're gonna say, yeah, sounds right. And a number where they say, you're going to jail.
You're going to the actual prison.
And also a number where they're like,
what, that's not enough.
I feel bad that that's how much I stuff.
Do you want some of my CDs?
Are you okay?
I'm pretty sure, Juice, you got most of those CDs
in a like 10 for 99 cents bundle with the Columbia record.
What was it called? Yeah, that was a lot. It took a lot of, 10 for 99 cents bundle with the Columbia record.
What was it called?
Yeah, that was a lot.
It took a lot of, well, mom yelling at him
to get me out of the Columbia house market.
All right, do you guys wanna go to the wizard?
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay.
I got this sent in by a few different people.
Thank you all so much.
It is co-authored by Tanisha Hall, a vocal coach.
Thank you so much for all your hard work
in bringing this to the internet and then to us, everybody.
How to write a song for your girlfriend or boyfriend.
Yes, please.
Or partner.
How to write a song for your partner, that's good.
There's no additional details.
That seems pretty self-explanatory to me.
They're all fucking self-explanatory,
that doesn't stop Wiggyhaw from going like,
playing basketball is a great way
to throw an orange ball around.
There's no paragraphs underneath?
No, no additional details.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
This is the first time I've ever seen this.
We all know that good grades are cool
because the letters are better
and you get to go to Chuck E. Cheese.
But like none of that shit.
That's wild, because as self-explanatory as the task is,
the circumstances in which you might be doing it
wildly vary.
Sure, man.
An apology, a love song,
an explanation of something wild you've done,
and you wanna break the news musically.
A series of clues.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, always a classic.
So inspiration, write somewhere that reminds you of them.
If you live together or have a favorite place to hang out at one of your houses, try writing there.
The surroundings will remind you of them
and can help get your creativity going.
Okay, that's great, hold on.
Hi, Miss Johnson, I need to come in
and just sit in your living room for a while.
No, I know, I know she's not home.
I just need to sit, I'm writing a song about her,
and could you, I don't know, do you have any snacks
that I maybe, if I could just hang out?
Also, just-
A nosh?
Just a nosh, and yes, it does so happen
that WrestleMania is on and you guys have cable
and I don't, so maybe we turn that on.
But mostly, it's about writing the song,
that's what it's gonna be.
I'm gonna need three to four hours uninterrupted,
except for nosh.
No, except for the wrestling and the Nosh, yeah.
And the Nosh, thank you very much.
Also, how is Melissa's new boyfriend?
Have you met him yet?
Oh, sorry, Todd?
Yeah, we've never met.
Okay, you can also write in your favorite date places
where you met or anywhere else that reminds you of them.
This is what I'm confused about.
Are they saying write while you're at those places
or include those favorite places in the song?
You're increasing the risk
that the person's gonna be there, aren't you?
I mean, like, you can't get too close.
We're also gonna see you lurking in their breakfast nooks,
scribbling badly.
Listen, guys.
As they shoo you out of their home with a broom.
We are dancing on a razor's edge.
Oh yeah.
Is this for a partner or a crush or worse?
No, no, no, this is for a partner.
This is a, this is a, this is a proper lover.
If I'm writing a song for my partner
and my partner sees me doing it,
do you know how much better that is?
That thing. Oh yeah.
That's huge.
Oh, oh babe, babe, I can't,
babe, I can't talk right now.
I'm making art for you.
You've inspired me to write a song.
I'm arting on you so hard.
Not a word.
I can't stop.
You can't have art without heart,
no, you can't have heart, get out of here,
you're ruining it.
Yes.
This part kicks ass.
This is my text editing program, it's called Bellatro.
And I need you to please.
This part kicks ass.
Focus on a story, not an emotion.
A song that's just about how much you love someone
will leave your listener wondering why.
Yeah, you know how when you hear 95% of songs on the radio
and you're like, what?
Why did anyone write this?
Give me a story like Devil Went Down to Georgia.
That I understand.
He loved that faddle.
Well, Greg went down to Home Depot.
He was looking for a ladder deal.
Maya.
For a ladder deal.
He needed a 10 footer because he only had eight feet
and he couldn't reach the roof.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
That couplet, it crossed his line for me.
It was like, wow, that was interesting enough
that I think I want to hear the rest of that song.
I'm gonna pressure Griffin to make up more of that song.
I can't.
Yeah.
Nothing else going on.
And it's too early.
Nothing else going on.
Yeah, my favorite love song is Bubbly Toes
because I get it, their toes look like bubbles.
Thank you.
That's great.
That's what it is.
I can understand that.
They have some calcium deposits forming.
They got some calcium deposits all up in their toes.
They're gnarled so bad, don't know where their nails go.
Mm-hmm.
That's exactly, Juice, you not only got the lyrics
of the song, you got the rhythm and melody of it too,
perfectly, look what you just did.
And the intention.
Yeah.
I was about to work plantar fasciitis into it too,
and it would have been a hell of a thing.
We're all writing a lot of songwriting checks
and this is a segment that we have no intent on caching.
Trust your instincts.
If you're writing a series of ideas down
and one makes you feel extra emotional
or you just feel good about it, trust it.
If you like it and respond to it,
chances are your boyfriend and girlfriend will too.
Listen, I'm not a songwriter.
That might surprise some people.
But yeah, man, if you write something
that you feel good about, why would you be like,
no, no, no, I can't trust that.
Listen, yeah, this feels like I wrote a really good thing
that makes me feel glad I wrote it.
Time to throw that away.
Yep.
Yeah.
To return to think of a story about your boyfriend
or girlfriend that explains how you feel about them,
does that mean a story about them?
Because that's not the wording of this sentence.
No.
It just says, think of a story about your boyfriend
or girlfriend that explains how you feel about them.
Like an Ace House fable, you know,
something that illustrates.
That could be good.
Or like,
Super Mario, he gets the mushroom to save the princess.
And that's how I feel.
Like, baby, baby, that's how I feel.
That's how I feel.
When I look at you, I think about how he defeated Bowser.
Yeah.
Yesterday, I asked one of my five year old nieces
on Theresa's side, like we were just like,
and I said, oh, do you have a favorite book?
And she's five years old.
I said, do you have a favorite book? And she goes five years old. I said, do you have a favorite book?
And she goes, yeah, Super Mario RPG.
And I said, that's-
Fuck yes.
I said, is there a book of that?
And she's like, no, the video game.
I was like, it's a book.
Cool, man.
I love that.
Yeah, it's a book.
There's so many words.
When you write down the day we met or our first fight,
do you start to remember that event in a lot of detail?
I bet you remember one of those.
One of those two, I bet you no matter the type of person
you are, one of those two is gonna fuel,
fuel your, kindle your flame.
If you do, and it makes you feel more emotional
than other things on your list, go with that idea.
What if you started with our first fight
and you started getting angry
and that wasn't your intention?
And by the end of the song you're like,
yeah, you know what, this isn't working out.
I didn't realize it at first. I sat down to write bubbly toes two bubbly twos.
And then I ended up by the end of it, I went out.
I was trash and you were trash and we were trash together. And so we're breaking up at
the end of this. This great big dookie burrito called our love.
We know it's not working and now I'm saying it first. Think of it as a mercy.
That's actually how Down with the Sickness got written.
A lot of people don't know that.
It was originally a sweet love ballad to their partner.
But then by the end they're like,
all right, Rebecca, it's ready.
Ooh, wah!
All right, so lyrics.
Divide your lyrics into three acts.
Once you've decided what story you want to tell,
divide it into three parts,
with the third part acting as the climax of your song.
It will keep your boyfriend or girlfriend
or partner interested, and shows them just how much
you've paid attention to your relationship.
So, act one, I love bubbles.
Act Two, I love toes.
Act Three, you'll never discover
for the two of them together is my lover's toes
and the plantar fasciitis, and it just combines.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or you could do it in a round
and have both of the first and second verses
sung at the same time, and when you do,
it's a secret message.
God, I love that shit.
That's a good one, man, I love that.
Has any song ever done that before?
No, but I would love that shit if someone ever.
More songs should be interactive.
Yeah, overlap that shit.
More songs should have interactive puzzle elements.
I think that'd be more amazing.
Yeah, more ciphers.
Yeah, more ciphers would be more amazing.
Not enough ciphers in songs, it sounds like gibberish,
but if we just transpose every letter,
three letters to the left, it's bubbly twos.
Yeah, I think maybe there should be connections,
but like a musical version of it.
This bit isn't anything.
What they've provided here is verse one.
How my life was like before we met.
Better.
Suck shit before Travis.
I say in the-
Let's get in the spirit of, let's all be in the spirit.
Okay.
So sad without you, James.
Verse two, meeting you and how it changed my life.
James, you showed up and it was cool.
Verse three, how I see us in the future.
Taller. Going to spaghetti factories Saturday night,
and then we'll do hand stuff and get taller.
Make me pregnant, James.
James, James, James, James, make me pregnant, James.
Just to clarify.
I will make you pregnant.
One of us can make me pregnant.
We'll take turns making each other pregnant.
I don't know how it works, but we'll figure it out
But the cheesecake factory is done. No shovel
Just to circle back the hand stuff isn't what will make us taller
Just a slow march of time and I'm 75% sure it won't make us pregnant
Turtle power. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay. This one also kicks ass. Use common words in your lyrics.
When you first begin writing your lyrics,
don't worry about rhyming or sounding poetic.
Use the first words that occur to you,
which will likely be common everyday words.
Your lyrics will sound more relatable and honest.
For example, use the word love instead of tenderness,
or infatuation sounds better and more honest.
Also, you're gonna say infatuation,
you got another line coming up right after that, pal.
You're not gonna have a rhyme there.
Saturation is the best you're gonna do.
Saturation?
And good luck, yeah.
I really love that classic, classic ballad,
try a little love.
Got to try a little.
Love.
Love.
Be specific in your lyrics. The more specific your lyrics are,
the more personal the song will feel.
You can say something like, you're beautiful,
but that could apply to a lot of people.
Instead, say something specific like,
I fell in love with a dimple in your cheek,
and then I fell in love with you.
Take that, James Blunt.
So much wild shit in this. Yeah, exactly.
I fell in love with a dimple in your cheek, exactly. I fell in love with the temple in your cheek
and then I fell in love with you.
It's a little bit longer, I feel like.
Yeah, maybe the rhythm, the cadence is a little off there.
Yeah.
My question for the author of this would be,
there's many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many songs.
You don't need to write an example of a specific song.
You don't have to invent your own song lyric
right there in the middle of your article.
Just some other people did it, just use theirs.
Don't say like, I'm gonna write a line right now
that is good enough for this article,
but bad enough that I would never wanna actually use it
for my own personal songwriting. This is my leave. If anything, Jay, man, the only thing they've
pulled is examples that I can reference from existing very popular songs that they're saying,
don't do that. Don't use tenderness. Don't say you're beautiful. Things that have been done, I guess.
I will say, I think James Blunt did sort of like,
spoil the well of you're beautiful.
I think he probably did it so many times.
In that incel anthem.
Yeah, I agree.
That Travis.
That beloved incel anthem.
That beloved, I think number one hit incel anthem. That chart topic incel anthem. Incel, thank you. That beloved, I think, number one hit incel anthem.
That chart-topping incel anthem.
Try not to use metaphors.
Ancel adams.
That is, I'm sorry,
bowed through my head, had to say it out loud.
Ancel adams.
Had to let it out.
Now let's talk about incel adams.
Ancel adams.
Let's not.
You might be tempted to make up a metaphor.
Try not to use metaphors to describe how you feel
about your boyfriend or girlfriend.
It could feel like a new way to say something
you've said a lot before.
Try to avoid using them though.
You don't want your boyfriend or girlfriend
to spend so much time figuring out what you're trying
to say that they never figure out how you're feeling.
For example, instead of saying your love is a red rose
that blooms in my heart after a long rain,
you can say your love warms my heart.
Now hold on.
What's wrong with the first one?
Oh, this article assumes your partner is wicked stoop.
It does.
Yeah, that's it.
Wait, sorry.
You're saying-
Are they confused by the end of the line?
If the line is too long,
they'll forget what the beginning was about?
You're saying, my love, you have a flower in your heart.
Are you dying?
Is this strong?
Your way of letting me know you're dying?
You swallowed a flower seed and now you're dying?
I would love to flash back to like 1981
when Bette Midler busted out the rose for the first time.
I was just like, some say love is a river.
Boo!
No, it's not!
No, it's not!
A river's a river!
It's not!
What are you talking about?
You don't even have wings!
What do you mean, Beth?
That doesn't make any sense!
God bless, then Seal came along,
and they just rode him out of town.
What do you mean?
What do you mean love is like the moon?
Kiss her or rose?
Why get out of here?
I wanna just hit this one last thing here.
And it's about like the writing of the,
like the music of the song, which is nothing.
But I do wanna hit this though,
match your tempo to your lyrics.
If your lyrics are very tender or describe
a particularly romantic moment
with your boyfriend or girlfriend,
you'll wanna match them to a slower tempo.
If your lyrics are about fun you've had with your boyfriend or girlfriend
or something more upbeat, choose a quicker tempo.
Yeah.
You can find metronomes online
which you can adjust to the tempo you wanna use
to help you write your song to a rhythm.
Most ballads have a tempo of about 88 beats per minute.
Most upbeat love songs have a tempo
of around 100 to 115 beats per minute.
Like my heart when I'm working out.
Yeah, that's pretty, wow.
My heart gets up to 160 when I'm really going at it.
No, wow. I get up to 255.
Wait, Griffin.
How fast you're, hey guys, can we talk,
how fast your heart is beating is not a metric of virility.
It's not a metric of virility.
It is when it's at 200.
It's like you're getting worked up.
When you hit the fucking kill screen on your heart rate monitor, It's not a metric of virility. It is when it's at two feet. I really get worked up. Like you're gonna get cranked.
When you hit the fucking kill screen
on your heart rate monitor, yeah,
it absolutely is a symbol of your virility.
I actually think it's the other way around.
I think you want my resting heart rate very low.
Stop being jealous of my 255 resting beat
per minute heart rate.
Oh boy.
I got the fucking zoomies right now.
Yeah, man.
Griffin's like a great white shark on shark week raw.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, dude.
That's what Mac Lamoore would put it.
Only when I'm recording, though.
Yeah.
I gotta lay down.
I can only see sparkles.
Yeah.
Like a real man.
When I'm not recording,
three. Three.
One every 20 seconds and it gooshes everything through.
Like you can hear, you can hear like.
Yeah.
Like a water weenie just out one side back.
Griffin is also always pooping a little bit
just because it's biohazard.
Yeah, dude!
But he is bioluminescent, so he's got a lot going on.
That's just the algae.
That's the algae, man, it's not connected.
That's the algae, not part of it.
I'm like RoboCop, but human.
Human cop.
What, that's the next obvious step.
When the AI comes, we're gonna need a human to fight him.
He's like a cop that you know,
because everybody will be a RoboCop.
So he's like the cops that you know,
but he's part human, part cop.
Now we're looking at RoboCop.
Where's the problematic part?
Oh, I know.
Wow, hold on.
This is so important.
Human cop is not just a human cop.
He's a RoboCop that became human
because of a fairy's wish.
Yeah, wish we both said at the same time,
so that's settled.
Yeah.
Cool, that's how to write a love so that's settled. Yeah. Cool.
That's how to write a love song.
Got it.
Nailed it.
Human cop.
Human cop.
Can't be stopped.
All right.
Let's take a break.
Can we take a break?
Can we please go to the money zone?
Yeah.
Yes.
["It's Better"]
It's better.
It's better, baby.
Changing seasons, you know what that means?
Temperature maybe is doing different stuff.
Now hold on, the people at home didn't see this,
but Justin started his intro for the thing with Time to Spice Up,
and I said, oh, season's changing, and then we stopped because we said it at the same time,
and then Justin heard my thoughts start in her head with...
I didn't hear your thing.
That was wild.
I didn't hear it. I was there for it. I heard it with. I didn't hear your thing. That was wild. I didn't hear it.
I was there for it.
I heard it all.
I didn't hear your thing.
I just thought of a better thing to do.
My thing!
You thought of my thing!
I thought of a better,
no, I didn't hear your thing.
I was talking about my thing.
Seasons are changing, folks.
If you play it back,
I was talking at the same moment you were talking.
I can't hear and talk at the same time.
No, only I get to claim that.
You don't get to claim that. I don't listen. I'm the same time. No, only I get to claim that. You don't get to claim that.
I don't listen.
I'm the one who doesn't listen.
We can only have one non-listener on the show, please.
I'm always listening.
Stitch Fix.
They're always listening.
They're always listening.
Stitch Fix.
We're here for you.
Yes.
Okay, listen.
No more joking.
For the rest of the year.
Stitch Fix.
You get a stylist who understands your style,
size, and budget.
They do all the shopping for you,
and then they send it to you.
You try it on, you keep what you like,
you return what you don't,
you only pay for what you keep.
It's a great service.
We talk a lot of bullshit on this show
and sometimes it's easy to lose sight of the fact
that it's great to get new clothes
and it's great to feel pretty
and it's great to put on those clothes and say,
it's a new season, it's a new me.
I'm gonna get out there and you can change your style.
Sometimes during spring, during spring,
I like to see myself as a handsome flower.
Now during summer, I'm cool vacation dad.
During fall, I'm a renegade wizard.
During winter, that's when I become a lovable lumberjack.
And somewhere in between fall and winter,
I'm, you know, that guy who moved into town
and everyone's like, I don't know about that guy.
But then he turns out to be a monster hunter
who saves the whole town.
Yes.
Working with the cool band of nerdy kids
who are kind of outcasts.
That's what I go for in the fall to like winter changeover.
Anywho, what's your style?
You know what I mean?
You can find it with Stitch Fix,
because that personal stylist is gonna send that stuff to you
and they're gonna find out, you're gonna get size, style,
and budget preferences, which is maybe the best part.
And there's no subscription required,
and you get five pieces, you send back what you don't like,
and it's not just like shirts, it's shirts, pants.
Sometimes there's shoes in there, jackets,
all kinds of stuff.
Style that makes you feel as good as you look.
The shoes are supposed to be in there.
I worry the way that Travis said that,
it made it sound like sometimes a shoe
will find its way in there.
It's not a surprise. Sometimes a random shoe way in there. It's not a surprise.
Sometimes a random shoe
falls in there. It's not one of the
employee's shoes and there was a terrible packaging accident.
And it's a talking shoe and it's free
and now you guys can go on adventures together.
Style that makes you feel as good as you look.
Get started today at StitchFix.com slash brother.
That's StitchFix.com slash brother.
StitchFix.com slash brother.
The internet is a horrible, horrible place.
And you need a base camp to operate out of
while you are on an e, a cyber expedition.
For that, you should use Squarespace to make a website.
Probably like, I don't know why I'm framing it this way,
like you would use Squarespace to build a website
that could be your landing page
before you'd go anywhere on the internet
to like center yourself and like really get your vibes correct.
Correct all the tools and forageables
you'll need for the day.
Yes, yeah. Just a little clippy you'll need for the day? Yes, yeah.
Just a little clippy you can have minimized in the corner
like, hey, you're doom scrolling.
Yeah.
Do you need the kick?
Do you need the kick, Jason?
No, I mean, you can make any kind of website
with Squarespace.
It's the all-in-one website platform
for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.
You don't wanna do one or the other.
You really should stand out and succeed.
You don't want to stand out for failure.
Trust me, I've tried. Exactly.
Yes, Squarespace makes it easy to create
a beautiful website, engage with your audience,
and sell anything from products to content to time,
all in one place, all on your terms.
It is super easy.
They have this new guided design system
called Squarespace Blueprint.
You choose from a professionally curated layout
and styling options and you get to make your own
unique online presence from the ground up
tailored to your brand or business,
optimized for every device.
iPod Nano, no fucking problem.
Hmm, Zoom?
Zoom, no problem.
Upload video content, organize your video library, showcase your content on beautiful video pages.
You can even sell access to your video library
by adding a paywall to your content.
It couldn't be easier.
You can battle other webpages like Pokemon.
That I don't know.
Maybe in a patch?
You can patch that in?
Okay, cool. Shit, what if they made like a monster rancher? Oh, fuck yeah. That I don't know if it- Not sure, maybe in a patch? Okay. You can patch that in.
Okay, cool.
Shit, what if they made like a Monster Rancher?
Oh, fuck yeah.
But instead of- That's exactly what I thought of.
But instead of like taking a CD
and putting it in your PlayStation
to generate like a monster,
it would like ingest a website to create like a unique.
Squarespace, can you do that?
Can I say, man, with all the technological advances
that have been in my lifetime, I
still don't understand how that game kept playing when you took a CD out and put a different
CD in.
Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial.
And when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first
purchase of a website or domain.
Thanks to everyone who contributed during this year's Max Fund Drive, we truly couldn't
do what we do without you.
With the drive in the rearview, it's time for another proud tradition, our annual charity
pin sale.
This year, the proceeds for the pin sale will support VoteRiders, a nonprofit dedicated to
expanding ballot access nationwide.
Members at $10 a month or more can purchase MaxFunDrive pins featuring shows from across
the network, and all members are able to buy our network pin design, exclusive to this
charity sale.
The sale is live now and it ends Friday, April 12th.
For more info, head to MaximumFun.org slash pin sale.
And thanks again for your support. and Uhtraspace and all the other ones. The McRoy brothers and dad are proud to reveal
a bold vision for the future of actual play podcasting.
It's called the Adventure Zone versus Dracula?
Yeah, we're gonna kill Dracula's ass.
Well, we haven't recorded all of it yet.
We will attempt to kill Dracula's ass.
The Adventure Zone versus Dracula.
Yes, a season I will be running,
using the D&D 5th edition ruleset,
and there's two episodes out for you to listen to right now.
We hope you will join us.
Same bat time, same bat channel.
For more fun.
I see what you did there.
I want a munch. Squash.
I want to munch.
Squash.
Pizza news.
Whoa.
Shit, man.
I didn't know it was a pizza news edition.
Yeah, we got-
I've never heard you get that low before.
That was cool. That was amazing.
That was cool.
Pizza news.
Pizza news.
Pizza news.
Pizza news.
Pizza news.
Whipped cream.
Flowing like a waterfall.
Whipped cream.
We got, we got, I got three pizza stories.
Three pizzas.
Shit, man.
Three pizza stories in varying levels of import
and moral ambiguity.
First up, this is a quick one.
Just wanted to let you know that And Pizza launched Dickle.
Sorry, Dickle?
And Pizza unveiled its latest limited time pie
dubbed The Dickle.
No. The Dickle. No. First of all, I didn't know there was a company unveiled its latest limited time pie dubbed The Dickel.
No. The Dickel?
No. First of all, I didn't know there was a company
called Ann Pizza.
Yep. That sounded made up,
but I believe you now. It's real.
Okay. They got 55 locations.
This is a prank?
Ann Pizza launched The Dickel.
Okay.
Aptly named for the pizza layers of Tangy Dill Pickles,
The Dickel is culinary creativity perfected
and will be wowing pallets across each of its 55 locations
for the month of April. A moment.
A moment. Yep.
What they've done is a portmanteau of dill pickle
into dill pickle when it is the only featured topping
on the pizza. Right.
Okay, that's fucked up.
Yeah, man. That's so fucked up.
You guys don't have that kind of power over pickle.
Like the dill pickle.
You don't have that much power over the dill pickle.
Especially when, frankly, there's so many better
that you can call your pizza the big dill, right?
That's a much better name.
What Griffin is saying though is that they have,
That's a much better name. What Griffin is saying though is that they have,
they were putting together the two parts of the thing.
Yeah.
And both of the things,
they didn't get one thing for the pizza store
and one thing for the pickle store.
No, no.
They got two things for the pickle store
and glued them together
and didn't even bring pizza into the water.
And I'm a man who loves the portmanteau
and I was talking about this with Theresa recently
and trust me, she was very interested and loved
that I was talking to her about portmanteaus
for the first time ever.
Yeah.
This is a C tier portmanteau,
in that a good portmanteau takes things from both names,
puts it together, and you're like,
that absolutely makes sense.
But it takes two words from the same name.
Yes, correct. That is nothing.
And makes it kind of dirty.
Makes it kind of dirty.
For example, brunch, B tier.
Cause it simply takes the BR and the UNCH,
smashes them together.
That's nothing, right?
Yeah.
Can I read this quote to you guys, please?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One glance at our menu and you'll see
that our culinary team is not afraid to take risks
and Chef Joe is firing on all cylinders,"
said Mike Burns, CEO of And Pizza.
Do pick, okay, now listen,
because you're only gonna get one chance
to have an initial reaction to this line, okay?
Do pickles belong on pizza?
We think so.
And our guests can rest assured
that the dickle is just the tip.
Okay, this is a prank, J-Man.
This is an April Fool's prank.
There's no way that they included the phrase
just the tip.
Hey, Trav, I'm reading it.
But does it, what is the date?
I'm not saying you are pranking us.
What's the date on this presser?
I'm saying they are pranking Travis. I'm saying they are pranking you.
Travis, I think you forgot how corporate April Fool's Day
works.
It's not that sometimes the CEO does dick jokes,
unless you work at X, which days that is indeed
when April Fool's Day is.
Here's what I'm saying.
Are you saying that I've been going to this?
Jay Dog, I think this is April Fool's Day joke.
I don't think this is real.
I hate to undermine you here, but this was announced today.
No, March 18th.
Thank you.
Fucking shit, man.
That's real.
Listen, an A tier Portmanteau, Benifer.
Benifer is great.
There's an overlap.
You can see what both names are in one.
Benifer, A tier.
I just wanted to make that clear.
Now here's the other thing.
There's been pickle pizzas long before now.
And they didn't make it dirty.
Like dirty or yucky.
I just don't know, not to make another dirty pun,
where do you get off?
Pretending that you invented pickle pizza for the,
do pickles long are pizza?
It's a dickle.
It's a dickle.
You mean pickle pizza, a thing that people have been making
for the last decade, I think?
If now, now, my problem is it's a half measure.
If they had just said, we got dick pizza.
Yeah.
And then you show up and you're like, what?
You're like, yeah, we shortened dill pickle to dick.
Cause that's the kind of,
that's the kind of stuff we do around here.
Come chomp on our dicksa we've just squished it all.
Just pickle belong on pizza?
Fuck yeah, you horny pervs.
Yeah, you weirdo.
Chomp down on this dick.
Rat, this is the first press release we've had
from this company and after reading it,
I hope we have press releases from them every week.
Hear ye, hear ye!
Hear ye, hear ye!
Roundtable Pizza, the fat brand's pizza franchise known for its commitment to quality and authenticity,
hereby announces its latest pizza offering, Excalibur's Epic Pizza.
Featuring round table pizza's most honorary
and popular meats, banana peppers, red onions, basil,
and Italian herb seasoning, the delicious new pizza
is sure to tempt even the most honorable hungry knights.
Okay. Okay.
Honorary, honorary can't be right.
Yeah.
Honorary can't be the word they meant to use there.
Can you read that in context again?
Their most- Featuring round table pizzas,
most honorary and popular meats.
No, no. Not what that means,
even a little bit, I don't think.
That means they're not meats, but we'll let them in.
Right, exactly!
Here at Round Table Pizza, spaghetti noodles is a meat.
They've earned it.
We gave them the title and also lend ingredients
to that theory.
They then don't go on to list the meats.
The most honorary and popular meats, you know.
They haven't decided yet.
I swear to God, guys, keep that in your, okay, listen.
Made with the Round Table Pizza's
legend worthy zesty red sauce and three cheese blend,
Excalibur's epic pizza features
classic pepperoni, salami, and ham.
Salami? Yeah, it's making the perfect balance Excalibur's epic pizza features classic pepperoni, salami, and ham.
Salami?
It's the meats.
Yeah, it's making the perfect balance of spicy meats, sweet peppers, and aromatic herbs.
Quote, our latest limited time pizza features what our guests love the most at Round Table
Pizza.
Plenty of meats, elevated flavors, and high quality ingredients topped to the edge.
Give me the name of this pizza one more time, Juice.
The Excalibur's Epic Pizza.
Why does the sword have a pizza?
The is a great question.
I think if-
If this was Merlin's Incredible Pizza.
Merlin's Mystifying Pizza, that's cool.
Why does the sword, the sword didn't make the pizza,
it's certainly not going to eat the pizza.
The sword cuts the pizza.
Guys, I have bad news.
I have a picture of this pizza that I'm sharing with you now.
It looks fucking delicious.
It does, but it just looks like-
Driven mad by desire, and the churro twists,
I'll say, dude.
Now the churro twists, you know like they had
in Medieval England. Yes, in the authentic.
And it says here, a craveable meal of trending.
Cool, man.
A craveable meal of trending churro twists
and our all new pizza is sure to make our fans
feel like the pizza royal to me.
Trending churro twist.
Trending churro twist.
Looking back, now I'm connecting, looking at this picture,
the claim of customers love our authenticity.
So are they saying this is just like pizza and churros
would have been like in King Arthur's time.
There's no world in which these items existed
other than this one.
Yeah.
This is an exclusively now item there.
It can't be referencing anything else.
What is the authenticity?
This authentic viral pizza is on fleek, fam.
Our trending cheese is basically meats.
As Merlin would say, shee!
I can't.
Fuck, man. God. I Fuck man God
Papa John's releases limited time crispy cuppy Roni
Papa John's releases limited time crispy cuppy Roni platform
releases limited time crispy cuppy roni platform. Crispy cuppy.
Papa papa yummy crispy puppy cuppies.
The crispy puppy cuppies.
You know what we're talking about guys.
Crispy puppy cuppies that everybody craves.
Papa I want my puppy cuppies, crispy please.
It's the good puppy cuppies.
What everybody loves.
Crispy cuppy ronis.
The crispy cuppy ronis are the ones everybody loves.
Oh man.
So let's talk about this limited time offering.
Papa John's...
Oh, don't look.
Now see, I showed you guys the kind of pepperonis we're talking about
and I don't have to show you anymore.
Listen, because I'll just make you too hungry.
Papa John's announced a limited time release of its brand new Crispy Cuppy Ronie menu platform.
Authentic!
This launch gives consumers three craveable ways to enjoy the premium
new cupping pepperonis from Papa John's.
Bowls of grease they are.
A true celebration of fans most ordered pizza topping.
Papa John's is taking pepperoni love to the next level.
Marriage.
Think.
A thicker pepperoni with crispy,
crunchy edges curling upwards to create a chalice of savory
pepperoni flavor across all your juice. Grease. Thank you.
Grease. Just say Grease. Quote.
We're always looking for fresh ways to show up for pizza lovers.
So we put pepperoni on it. What's up pizza lovers?
What's up pizza lovers? What's up pizza lovers? What up pizza fuckers? This is the dickle. What's up pizza fuckers?
Who's ready to ruin their fucking shirts? We're ready to pick up these pepperoni humpers at the airport
That's where we're at what better way to honor their pizza devotion than a lineup of cupping pepperoni menu items like no other
That that's from Kimberly Bean. Hold on, Travis is using the force.
I am too.
I broke my other camera.
No, I broke the connector.
Hold on.
It's okay.
Wow, that did it.
We need to talk.
Yeah.
The Krispy Kuppie Rooney platform.
The Krispy Kuppie Rooney platform is dedicated.
Watch the platform part of it, please.
No, the Crispy Cuppy Roni platform is where they're keeping the Metal Gears.
It's the whole...
Snake has...
Okay, the Crispy Cuppy Roni platform is dedicated to all Pepperoni fans, as we know they crave Pepperoni in new and unexpected ways.
Whoa!
I don't think they do in unexpected ways.
Oh!
Yeah, no.
When it comes to pepperoni.
Oh, Butler!
Yes, Master Alastor.
I've grown tired of pepperoni.
What's wrong with my toothpaste?
Well.
Well.
You'll never suspect.
Now, here's my truth.
Take these cuppy puppy puppies,
turn them upside down.
So they're little domyronies.
Domi-ronies that don't capture grease.
Domi-mommies that do not capture grease.
No, they repel it.
Sorry, let me get that clean.
Domi-mommies who do not capture grease,
but instead allow it to run off the-
Get it clean, I laughed.
Dami mommies who don't capture grease
with a dome-like top that lets it rain off a pup tent,
just like no grease guarantee, now we're fucking,
when you crunch in and you get a little
a little puff of pepperoni air right into your mouth,
that's awesome, dude.
Now, sorry, I just didn't want to interrupt.
You were really, it was one thought.
Yeah, sure, man.
It's one thought.
Now, give me a Dami Mami that I can push down the top of,
wait three seconds, it pops up in the air,
I catch it in my mouth.
Awesome, dude, yeah.
Hey, listen. That would kick ass.
But the Crispy Cupy Rody platform
is dedicated to pepperoni fans, et cetera.
We saw it in our limited time offerings
with the Epic Pepperoni Stuffed Crust Pizza.
Epi-pepies?
This is, hey guys, can I tell you
what it says, this actual sentence?
We saw it in our limited time menu offerings
with the Epic Pepperoni Stuffed Crust Pizza
with the pepperoni in the crust.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, you remember.
You were there.
Yeah, man.
The alternative is unthinkable.
Yeah.
The Pepperoni Stuffed Crest Pizza
with pepperoni in the crust
and the chacaroni with the increase of the pepperoni,
increased quantity of pepperoni on the pizza.
To be clear, chacaroni is not a different kind of pepperoni.
No.
Chacaroni indicates a great deal.
It's a shacks worth.
A shacks worth of pepperoni.
It is not pepperoni made of shack.
That is so important.
It's more than a bushel, it's less than a peck,
it's just as much pepperoni as shack puts down his neck.
It's one.
That's how you remember.
That's how you remember, it's the mnemonic.
This is an elevated, more favorable version
of the classic pepperoni pie,
which begs the question,
why not throw that one right in the trash?
Yeah, I should hope so.
This is a more bland, less interesting version
to make you appreciate the original.
Yeah, so they've got other, just so you know,
they got crispy, cuppy, rony, papa bites.
Crispy, cuppy, rony, papa bites.
Everyone can say it if you want.
Crispy, cuppy, rony, papa bites.
Papa bites, you can remove two,
you can remove any two words from those five words
and it would still kick complete ass.
You're still eating good.
There is also, So further bringing these ingredients to life
and adding to the pepperoni party,
crispy cupyroni poppa bites are available now.
Showcasing a mix of the new cupping pepperoni,
classic pepperoni, why waste your fucking time.
Creamy melty mozzarella and a capable garlic palm drizzle.
Yeah, I think, and with that, could I get, honey, how many orders of the Crispy
Cuppie Roni Papa Bites do we want?
Oh, I don't know, baby, maybe three orders
of the Crispy Cuppie Roni Papa Bites?
Yeah, I think we're gonna take eight orders
of the, I don't know, thank you very much.
Thank you.
Crispy Cuppie Roni Papa Bites, damn it.
That's all your pizza news.
Now listen, clearly Crispy Cuppy Ronies
is an outrageous name for anything.
But I've been sitting here trying to think of a better name
for these spicy, juicy bowls.
And I can't, I'm not coming up.
Cup pepperoni.
Cup pepperoni?
That's what it's called.
Curling pepperoni.
Cuping pepperoni. Cup pepperoni. Cupping. But you can hear it. See, cupping is bad. Curling pepperoni. Cup pepperoni.
Cupping.
See, cupping is bad.
Cupping is bad.
Pepperoni.
We don't like to say cupping.
That doesn't feel good to me.
I don't like the idea of the pepperoni cupping me.
Let's, mm.
Yeah.
Parabolas.
Cupping pepperoni?
Juicy pork parabolas.
Pork domes.
Folderonis.
Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast.
You're welcome.
We hope you've enjoyed yourself.
Travis, you only listened to two thirds of it.
That's correct.
Not even that.
Not one third.
I do wanna say though, along with thank you for listening,
thank you to everybody who became a member
during the Max Fun Drive.
Oh, yeah.
Aw, man.
You all really showed up.
Thank you so much.
Seriously.
Yeah, flew past our 15,000 goal,
so we'll get that avatar commentary out,
I don't know, when we can find eight hours to watch it.
Space app is not that long.
But thank you all so much.
I don't really wanna watch it again right now either.
I mean, but we're going to,
because we promise you,
a couple of housekeeping things.
We've got a new streaming show, Tuesdays at noon.
Oh, it's so fun.
Yeah, over on the Macquarie YouTube channel,
which you can find at bit.ly slash MacRoy YouTube
or search MacRoy family.
We're alternating weeks of a show
with segments and games and stuff.
And the other weeks is us playing some games.
Also, if you missed them over the last few weeks,
speaking of games, we had lots of streams that we did
over the last few weeks for the Max Fun Drive.
And I had so much fun doing this last drive,
even as I was suffering through a sinus thing.
It was so wonderfully fun to play Celeste.
And we need to get back to that at some point.
Yeah, man.
But we'll have one this week as well, Tuesday at noon.
Check it out on the McElroy family YouTube.
Make a calendar reminder so you watch it live
and you can talk to us and it's an interactive live show
with lots of fun and games for the whole family.
Speaking of the clubhouse, we've got some new merch
this month, starting today.
Can I tell people about the merch?
Yeah, yeah, go for it.
I'm very excited about it.
We've got a Taz versus Dracula poster by Zachary Sterling
that just kicks so much ass.
It looks extremely cool.
I hope you all are listening to that campaign
because it is unhinged and the most fun
I think I've ever had Blank Daz.
We have a RIP Miggie sticker that you really should watch
to the McElroy Family Clubhouse
to know what that's all about.
There's a wombat pin with dangling poop cubes
inspired by a segment we've done on Wonderful before
designed by Tricia Swinier.
10% of all proceeds this month
go to the Palestine Children's
Relief Fund, which works to ensure that children in Gaza
and across the West Bank receive nutritious meals,
essential medical relief, and the compassionate care
they desperately need.
All of that over at McElroyMerch.com.
I also wanted to give a little personal plug.
Now with 1.6 to start you out,
I'm gonna start a challenge run over on my Twitch stream
of doing an anti-capitalist run
where I don't buy things from either Joja or Pierre.
For the run, you can go check that stream out
and all my other streams.
How's that possible?
Yeah, it's gonna be really hard.
Twitch.tv slash TheTravisMacRoy.
It's every Monday night, Thursday night,
and most Wednesday mornings.
Hooray!
Yay!
May I read? Who's reading the wish! Yay! May I read the wish?
Who's reading the wish this time?
May I read the wish?
Yeah, please.
Yeah.
I wish my middle school students
would stop calling me Skibbity Millon.
My name is Justin McElroy.
I'm Travity McElroy.
I'm Travity McElroy.
I'm Skibbity Trav.
I'm Crispy Guppy McRoy.
This has been My Brother, My Brother May.
Kiss your dad, square on the lips.
["It's Better With You"] It's better with you, it's better with you My life, ah ah ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with you
This is true, ah ah ah ah ah
It's better, it's better with two
My life, ah ah ah ah ah ah
It's better with you
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