Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Invisible T-Rexes, Potion Cocktails, and A Visit to Swords R' Us
Episode Date: January 5, 2024Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, as well as the smoldering, freshly birthed Bailiff James Hurwitz, as they convene to pass judgement on your trials a...t the table!Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a headgun podcast.
Welcome to Dungeon Core!
We are your Supreme Crit Justices, Murphy, Axford and Tanner joined of course by the lowly,
lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly. Oh the ball! It's dropping! Here it comes! Oh, the course, by the lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly low I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying So leave him alone he's a baby. He's a baby. He's a literal baby. God.
I mean, it's disease.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Not even toddler.
First things first, we got some live shows to plug.
Last live shows for a while.
Yeah.
So be sure to get your tickets.
January 18th, and we're going to be in Washington, DC for Dungeon Court Live.
For what?
That's the show.
It's very show.
And then we're going to be doing an actual play on January 19th in a Boston
Massachusetts believer not
Boston can you believe it?
Is there another Boston it feels like this probably got to be there's got to be there's Paris is everywhere
There's gotta be a Boston Canada. I think so
Boston Canada and we'll do a show there, but yeah
Shout out if you're from Boston Canada.
Let us know.
Let us know.
That just sounds like a Canadian.
Oh, wait guys, I'm checking the schedule again.
We're going to Bogstown, Minnesota.
We can do that too.
Yeah, it'd be fun.
Sweet, and with that, let's throw to Baylor Jake.
Here, ye, here, ye, crit is now in session.
The honorable Supreme Crit, Justice's, Ax he, Crit is now in session, the honorable Supreme Crit justices,
Axford Murphy and Tanner are presiding.
Our first case comes from Andrew P.
May it please the court.
This is the case of the bastard sword backstory.
Okay. Okay.
Wait, Jake, do you wanna clarify what a bastard sword is
for everybody?
I honestly didn't even know it was a thing. I just thought that was like something Andrew came up.
I don't know. Oh, isn't it just a freaking badass two-hander?
Yeah, it's like a sly-hander, but like not totally a sly-hander.
I have computer in front of you. Let's see.
What a bastard sword.
A term bastard sword.
As it goes for arms and armor, there's delicate dance between offense and defense,
and when one is improved, the other must must answer if you wanted to survive this new
breed of warrior new measures needed to be created quickly the answer was the bastard sword also referred to as the hand in a half
Soared so it's not like huge, but it's like a two-hander. That's awesome
It's like a two-hander if you're jacked you can use with one
If you're a barbarian IRL
It could not be classified as a single-hand sword and it was not a two-handed great sword.
Okay, so just like kind of in the middle. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of born out of an unholy wet lock.
So really you get sorted into do you hold the bastard sword with two hands or one hand?
Right, you get sorted. You get sorted.
Oh!
It's a big sword, folks. Yeah, that's a great way to ask anyone how strong they are.
Yeah.
What do you, how many, how you wielded in a basket?
How many hands on a bastard's store for you?
How many hands do you use in?
Okay, okay, I wanna hear the story now
that I have a really vivid idea of what it means.
All right, Andrew writes, hey judges, Jake,
oh my god, hi, is that a new shirt, looks great anyway.
Wow.
He was born with it.
I bring before the court, the case of the Bastard Tour back story.
My friends and I started a Pathfinder 2E campaign, but our GM has been a little strict about
lore accuracy.
Before our first session, myself and the other players were discussing our characters.
I'm playing a Magus Gripply frog people from the Wongi jungle.
I was sharing the backstory of how I found my sword.
I said that my little frogman found it
while going fishing in the swamp
and coming across an ancient battlefield,
the sword was among the wreckage, so he kept it.
Fuck yeah.
It was a small, inconsequential head cannon
for my weapon that would probably never have been brought up
in the campaign.
My GM, however, said that no battles would have ever taken place
in the area I originate from.
So this backstory wouldn't make sense.
Okay.
It's interesting.
Really interesting.
We began arguing about this and almost got into a bit of a shouting match.
He said he wasn't going to just change the lore to accommodate this backstory.
Ultimately for the sake of peace, I acquiesced and settled on saying that my character found it at a store and bought it.
Was I asking too much?
It was my jam being too strict. I laid myself in my little frogman's sword
at the quartz feet, and I weight your judgment.
I love that.
I love that.
That's a big aggression.
Because that is what these DMs want, right?
Is just, you come up with a creative thing,
and they're like, no, you're not allowed to do that.
You just say, fine.
I bought it at a store.
Sorry, the book I'm planning on reading my players
doesn't involve that.
Yeah.
You're sorking it from Costco, sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You're sorghum from Costco, sorry.
Yeah.
Fine, I wait the fucking swords are us,
and I got a pair, are you happy?
Yeah, I've got them in.
Yeah, that's great.
No, I think you have a right to be pissed,
because it's also like, I don't know.
If you're that into your own lore, I kind of don't trust you.
But if you are, but you do want to work with your players,
there are ways to do that, right?
You can say like, oh, there wasn't a battle there.
That wouldn't have made sense,
but this legendary warrior maybe went to visit there
and got jumped and like attacked and died there.
Like there's a million ways to make this work.
Even if you need your lore for some reason to be like,
right?
I was so-
You never have a fight in your inconsequential.
Yeah, I feel like if anyone said to me,
and maybe there was like a battle in history in this place,
in anywhere that I was designing, I would be like,
fun idea.
Right, exactly.
Let's roll with that.
Is there any area anywhere that has an at some point had about it?
Exactly. I can't, like, what the fuck? Is this world brand new? Any area anywhere that hasn't at some point had about exactly
What the fuck is this world brand new?
There's yeah, so peaceful Even even like deep within the ocean you know that like animals are getting so fucking
Give the only example
That's not even true because there's a shit battle shit battle
You gave the only you gave No, you're talking about human you're just about human battles
I'm talking about battles
But these some the sea
I don't think there's been battles to do yes that I've swords on every
No, they don't have swords, but they but they battle each other yeah Antipy can use tool
Out of the
In the depth of the sea
Sort of something
Charm some coral is really sharp try to find me a trench where where a lantern fish hasn't wheeled it across
Very Lantern fish hasn't wielded a crossbow at the point. I can find it very quick.
Dude, there's an octopus out there
that has wielded duts and swords and berserk.
I love this.
I love this.
I thought of fooling things.
I never, really, if you've never seen a sunfish
with a shield.
Yeah, they're bodies with a shield.
I know, they're killing again.
They're doing right.
Because they're called hammerheads sharks
because they wielded more damage originally. Way back. OK they're, but they're called hammerhead sharks because they knew they'd wore him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
Right.
Okay.
Emily, your like Murf's internet.
Yeah.
I can't like this on it.
So I'll give you guys a ring.
I'll just spill my tea on his keyboard.
Dang, sorry.
Use it to trust us.
Yeah, no, this is.
What's fucking crazy is like the precedent is here.
This is like exactly what happened to fucking
Isildor when he had the ring.
He got jumped and all of a sudden the ring fell into a pond and Sneagle found it.
Yeah, this is like the oldest cool.
Like by the book's fantasy story.
Like it's so, it's super easy.
This is the one ring.
The kernel of it is I found a sword in the swamp.
And if you're like, I did it because there was a battle, the GM should be able to be like,
okay, you didn't because of that, but you found a sword in the swamp.
Instead, they're just like, no, shutting it down.
The intent behind I found a sword from an old battle
is like, hey, I wanna have like a surprisingly historic sword.
Right.
So like, if you want to honor the person's suggestion,
you could at least be like, okay,
what if you want like kind of like a mysterious historic sword,
but instead I bought it from a store.
Yeah.
Like typically you should get a chance.
It came on a two per one deal.
I should just work toward this stuff,
but you can also know but it.
Like maybe not as known amongst people
that like haven't done any kind of improv or whatever,
but if you're not gonna do yes and if you're gonna say no,
you have to say no but you have to add something
Yeah, I don't know that this is a rule. You're like the
Improper
But
No, but is real I've heard it before but now that I think about it I only heard it from yeah
Maybe it's writing advice from somebody this is the new Murphy's like this is not
My law
Chained it out. Absolutely not my law. This is not my advice. This is me channeling someone else's advice
And what was the other thing you said that dolphins
This is me channeling someone else's advice. And one of the other thing you said that dolphins have nothing.
If you are going to say no, you should give another suggestion.
Unless you're being hilarious like me and you want to say no,
then have an enemy attack them or something.
That is fine.
Yeah.
I do just want to add pistol shrimps.
They can shoot like a compressed pocket.
Oh, yeah, that's what you call them.
Yeah.
And sea horses are called sea horses because they're a cabal
Rave yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, but yes, the the DM if they weren't going to agree with you should have said
No, but yeah, there was a legendary warrior that was passing through your hometown and they got a nice there
That's where you got the bastard sword. It's such a deflation to go to your DM and say,
I just want my weapon to be cool.
And for that I'm gonna say, no.
But saying no and the no suggestion is crazy.
Like we've talked about this before,
but in campaign three,
Caldwell was talking about wanting to change Saul a little bit
and was like, I just wanna take a level of drooter, whatever.
And I didn't say no when I was like,
what do you want Saul to be able to do?
Because I bet you we can find a better way to find what Saul should be able to do
than to have him be a level one droop and a level nine.
And then called will blew up at you and said, fine, he'll go to a fucking store.
And that's why we went to swords our Russ in the 1930.
Okay, but in all fairness, if you had us go to swords or us, that would be a very funny thing.
You guys are wrong.
Yeah, I would love to go to swords.
No, but that's how we came up with the idea of Saul doing the way of the Lodhe Devs.
Yeah, changing his subclass.
Ultimately, what he wanted to do is to be able to say...
I would say it was a sexy collaboration sexy
Collab so sexy that's what it do
Mine everything should be a sexy collab. Uh-huh. It was it was central Murphanars brains just kind of like fondled
Avatar style. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, it was too is a not a human
I see It was too is enough you mind milk I
Were ruling against the yeah, yeah, I mean maybe they need to pick up some part-time shifts at swords are us
Yes, they don't get to handle the sword
Get to say you get to say hey, oh you got to check the receipts as everybody leaves with their
say, hey, oh, you got to check the receipts as everybody leaves with their soul.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm so invasive.
It's so invasive.
You feel so guilty.
Yeah, to be just like, sorry, I just got to check that you have received all of these
things.
Are you trained in that?
Are you expert in that?
I got to make sure, yeah, we got to check the little bubble on your player sheet.
If this is a one and a half hand or you got to tell me.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you basically just have to question everyone with a brand new
sharp weapon leaving your store.
Wow.
People with shopping carts full of swords.
Okay, so so
So
order
order 2020
So
2020
2020
So here to the blade.
Like that.
Okay, the next case comes from Tobias B. Tobias writes,
dear, the most wise judges and that guy James,
I bring you the case.
He's a baby.
Come on, give him a break.
Oh my goodness.
Sweet baby James, I'll be referred to as.
Thank you.
Baby James, he just hatched from his own ash.
I bring you the case of the invisible T-Rex.
I write in as one of the players who does not care about the result of this case, but
does care that the bickering about it cease.
Oh, my sympathies.
Yeah.
Impartial and peved.
Yeah.
You seek only peace.
Our party has a similar set up to the initial band of boobs, one DM, two players that are
keen D&D players, and a guy also named James weirdly.
Again, I'm a man with no-
Who is along for the ride and picked up the rules as we went along.
We were attacking a band at Camp in the Forest and I, a bard cast invisibility on our party.
As we approached stealthily, I made
a noise and one of the bandits came to investigate. To prepare for battle, our wizard cast Pollymorph
on our barbarian James, turning him into a T-Rex. When James grew into a T-Rex, he caused damage to the
treehouse and injured some of the bandits. The DM ruled that this broke the invisibility.
Much fun was had with the T-Rex causing a lot of havoc,
but our wizard in the DM disagreed this day
about a year later on the ruling.
The wizard thinks the invisibility should have stood
as the wording of the spell says it ends
when invisible character attacks or casts a spell.
Oh, I see.
Does becoming a T-Rex and damaging a treehouse
and the bandits within constitute an attack.
Please help us, Omitie justices.
Oh, man.
Let's straight up read invisibility right now.
I'll have it pulled up right here if you want to read.
To understand if intent matters.
A creature you touch becomes invisible until the spell ends.
Anything the target is wearing or carrying,
maybe the T.R.X.S.S.T. I guess,
is invisible as long as it is on the target's person.
The spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell.
That's what I'm gonna say, causes damage to me.
Yeah, exactly.
That'd be like saying,
if you step on a bug when you're invisible,
you all of a sudden are non-visible.
If you think of scale.
No, I mean, I think it's like,
I'm gonna say no.
Well, I guess it's not.
Well, it's not like stepping on a bug, right?
Because the T-Rex, like, wrecking your shit
in a tree house is gonna be a little bit more obvious.
Mm-hmm.
I do think though, it feels like such a simple thing
to just give them one attack.
Yeah, okay, so the T-Rex shows up and smashes through.
Yeah, no, no, no, no.
I think in the process, correct me if I'm wrong, Jake, in the process of turning into a T-Rex shows up and smashes through. Yeah, no, no, no. I think in the process, Crickney, if I'm wrong, Jake,
in the process of turning into a T-Rex,
they broke the tree house, which was then caused.
So it was almost collateral damage.
Yeah, got it.
So it would collateral damage count as an attack
and therefore, I mean, I think it kind of doesn't matter
because if I'm a demon in the situation,
I feel like I'm gonna negate the advantage
that get on roles because you're just gonna know
where an invisible T-Rex is in a forest.
You're just gonna have a really good idea
of where that T-Rex is.
Haven't you seen Predator?
They never knew where that guy was.
Well, Predator is so much better call.
Predator is smaller in a T-Rex, but he's pretty big.
And well, the Predator is also like trained.
He's got like advanced cloaking techniques and like years of hunting skill under his belt
Well the T-Rex has that in their DNA according to rules as written
I think the wizard could make the argument that everybody should stay invisible or whatever
However, the DM already threw you a bone like there's nothing in the polymorph spell that says, if you turn it to a really big creature,
it's gonna destroy the building that you're in
and do X amount of damage.
Like the DM narrated that and made it cool
and gave you an advantage that otherwise
might not have been allowed.
In fact, there might even be rules with polymorph about like,
how big of a thing you can turn into
depending on the space that you're in.
I have a question, because invisibility you can upcast to make other people invisible.
But everyone stays invisible as long as concentration is held until they individually attack.
Correct?
Because spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell.
So if a target attacks,
so I'm wondering if there was saltiness because
everyone lost their business ability. Yeah, I guess if you're a wizard, that's a high
enough level that you're able to cast a polymorph, that's high enough level that you can make
somebody a T-Rex that whatever little damage was done by a treehouse falling was not enough
to justify losing, you know, a fifth level spell or whatever. That's very interesting.
Yeah, so I think this is one we don't know if they took invisibility away from all of to justify losing a fifth level spell or whatever, that's very interesting. All those invisibilities.
Yeah, so I think this is one we don't know.
If they took invisibility away from all of you,
that wouldn't be fair.
If they just took away from the T-Rex,
maybe it's not the biggest fight.
This is kind of a tough one because the idea
that this would be bickered about for a really long time,
this feels like it's not a big deal
and I could kind of go either way on.
Yeah, makes me think something else is going on.
Wow.
That's where I'm kind of, I think as the DM, I probably would have just went a little bit
more rules as written and probably would have allowed them to stay invisible.
Maybe I would have made the rule that like this T-Rex is huge, bursts through, you know,
the walls and the ceiling and everything, the T Rex
becomes visible because that's a sense of that's an attack that I have created by including
the terrain in it.
So I'm giving you a thing, you give me a thing, this creature comes out of invisibility
but just breaking the invisibility on everyone.
I have another clarification.
It wasn't that they lost the invisibility because the bard who cast invisibility
lost concentration, correct?
That is right.
Okay.
I feel like this is a situation where,
like, regardless of the DM's outcome,
I'm gonna be like, yeah, that's fair.
Like, we're in the middle of a crazy battle.
Yeah.
You're already off the rails when you're having
to casually calculate the damage that's gonna happen
for everybody falling out of a tree house that's been exploded by a T-Rex.
I feel like, yeah, you got to just give your DM some credit and some leniency.
Okay, so we've kind of mixed up a couple times.
It's the bard that cast invisibility.
Right, and he casted on everybody.
And casted on everybody.
I actually do think if the wording is that the invisibility broke on everyone,
then I think that's kind of bullshit.
Yeah.
And I'm going to rule with the players,
even though I think it's kind of crazy
to keep bringing this up,
because it's not that big a deal.
Yeah.
But if it just broke on the T-Rex,
I think that's just kind of a rule of cool.
You had, you know, the T-Rex showed up,
blew up the fucking tree house, the DM made
that an attack.
That did not have to happen.
There's nothing in the, there ain't nothing in the rule book says.
Pollymore has to wreck the room that it's in.
Hello.
Here's an interesting point though.
This person writes in, they said, as a player who doesn't care about the result of this,
and it was their invisibility.
Oh. It's their invisibility. Oh!
It's their invisibility.
It's their spell.
Who the heck was mad about that?
See, you know what?
I think?
Maybe we need a follow-up.
Maybe we need a follow-up.
I think we need to go more into this
because this does matter to me if invisibility broke
on everybody and it also matters to me
how whiny the player is being.
This our first mistrial.
You're the information.
If you're the person that wrote this case,
you know where your comment is,
write a follow up and we'll rule again.
Yeah, we're declaring a mistrial on this one.
I'd also love to know if like there is
some sort of drama going on,
like if all the other players like win the in
on the Swords R Us franchise and it it's like failing, and like that's
bringing some tension to the table.
Right.
So I usually do say to keep the case is brief,
but for you, there's an exception,
right as long of an explanation.
I need all of the information
that I'll bring it back to the court.
And I should just text it all to Jake
so that he gets like one huge massive text.
That's perfect.
Okay, sweet.
So, so mistrile.
And our next case comes from Tajulia, Tajulia writes, to the honorable justices and slightly
less honorable Baylif.
I pose more of a legal dice quandry rather than a case and seek your humble opinion on
the matter.
The realm of quandry we have entered the dice and nine
drum.
A few months ago, a new girl joined our campaign
and she has a great player and wants to DM.
And our current DM has been letting her shadow him
and DM at times to help her learn.
Cool.
She keeps introducing homebrew rules for us to try,
most of which are fine.
And if we don't like them, she lets it be
and we won't do it again.
Perfect, we're done.
We got it.
Love it. All right, everyone. That's're done. We got it. Love it.
Alright, everyone.
That's great.
It's all raised up.
Love it and God bless.
Congrats.
That was the perfect game.
This is healthy D&D everyone.
Listen to this.
Do exactly whatever this D&D is doing.
It's correct.
Okay?
It's stand by everything.
You look all the way.
10 minutes in the tepid.
Should we stand by it?
Should we listen to the rest just to make sure
there's nothing else going on?
All right.
Yeah, we're not.
Just to be clear, we all stand by it.
Yeah.
Oh, it looks, yeah, it looks like,
let me just turn the page.
There's just a bit more.
Okay, that's fine.
Okay, that's fine.
She is insisting on this rule for crits
that the rest of us are hesitant to agree to.
And here is where your thoughts on this issue would be useful.
She wants all critical hits in fights, both
PC and DM to be double dice rolls plus max damage. For example, if your sword deals 2d6
slashing damage you'd have the 12 slashing damage max plus what you rolled. While this
is exciting for certain players like our level 18 Paladin and Barbarian, my simple arcane
archer never deals insane amounts of of damage, even with a crit.
And so it's not as helpful for me.
Furthermore, our DM crits a lot,
and we worry for potential TbKs if he gets a few good roles.
Honorable justices, is this potential homebrew
role strange and potentially deadly
or just a fun way to highlight a critical hit?
I wait your opinion.
It's dangerous because the second someone dies
from your homebrew, that not everyone is totally on board with,
that's gonna feel not good.
Yeah, so we roll double damage, and you do.
And you add max damage.
So if you did normally two D6 of damage,
you would add 12 to 46.
Yes, yes, that's correct.
That is placing, I think this is a case of,
I don't know, this is not the craziest idea.
I've heard.
It's not the craziest idea until you say,
but like the DM crits a lot, in which case I just think
there's gonna be a death because of this homebrew role.
It's such a big jump in damage that it also,
it takes away the excitement of a crit
because it's kind of like, I don't know,
it feels like cheating, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
There's too much of a jump here from a crits
to a regular hit, you know what I mean?
Where it feels like it's like, okay,
well normally I do 10 damage,
I'm gonna do 40 damage.
Yeah.
That feels unearned. It's a pretty high percentage. Chance of gonna do 40 damage. Yeah. That feels unearned.
It's a pretty high percentage.
Chance of just doing 40 damage every once in a while.
And we're having it be done to you if your DM throws a lot of guys at you.
You can't unravel the sweater if you don't have a plan to put on new sleeves.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just like, it's like that out of a cross.
I'm like,
I was saying, like, the game is pretty balanced.
There's been a lot of play testing to make sure
that it's never gonna be too much damage or something like that.
So you have to like add something else in.
You've got to like, do temporary AC boost or like,
some sort of like extra dice roll.
The mechanic seems unfinished.
It throws off everything.
Cause it changes challenge ratings.
Like a bandit could crit on a level one.
And I think they already probably could kill you,
but now they'll definitely kill you.
It definitely sounds fun, so I see that this person, like I think that their heart is in the right place,
but I imagine myself, I already feel bad when I crit on my players.
Yeah, it's spicy, spicy, which is like,
you see the hot chicken sandwich and you're like,
oh, that's fun, that's tasty, that's cool.
Let's try that.
But then you realize it's ghost peppers
and it's like, that's too much
and no one's having fun and everyone's sweating
and they don't need to drink milk.
That's interesting.
I think, yeah, I think you can't anticipate
the heat that this brings.
Yeah.
Because Chris happened more often than you think.
But you know what, to know but this, I do think this good work is like,
an ability attached to a magic weapon or something like that.
It like maybe has charges or something like that.
Yeah, and if it was limited, that's fine I think.
But this is just, this is also fixing something
that doesn't need to be fixed.
Yeah.
I was thinking the same.
There's never been a time where anyone's rolled
a nat 20,
except for you maniacs with initiative
that you guys don't care that you go first,
which is crazy.
I think we should get to go first and do a little dance.
And it sure is.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Performance check on the dance.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, it sucks.
Yeah, sucks.
Yeah.
But yeah, yeah, no one ever rolls in at 20 and is like,
oh, I wish it did more.
I think that.
So for Kaliapi because I roll a lot of D8s,
I have had crits that are underwhelming.
Yeah.
You roll a bunch of ones, but I also don't mind that.
It's still, it's still gambling baby.
Yeah, almost, I think that you're right
that if you just were like, it's automatically gonna be the shit.
I think a big piece of what makes
Nat 20s fun is getting to hold
all those chunky dice and getting to throw them.
It is most of the fun.
More so than just being like,
we're just definitely gonna make all of your crits really good.
I think the fun of it is rolling, you know, beat these six. It's not being like, we're just definitely gonna make all of your crits really good. I think the fun of it is rolling, you know,
AB6, it's not being like-
Which they still have in there.
I think that the only flaw in this story
is that it seems like the table is kind of lukewarm
and someone's gonna die from this rule.
And when you have a home-brew rule
that people are lukewarm on, there's some danger in there.
But if everyone at the table or most of the people
at the table were really feeling it, then I would be like, go with God, this's some danger in there. But if everyone at the table, or most of the people at the table, we're really feeling it,
then I would be like, go with God.
This sounds great. Have fun.
It is true. Like you could even flavor that within world.
It's like some sort of divine burst.
Like a smite, an extra smite happens or something like that.
I don't know. But also it seems like this DM is green
and open to notes.
So I don't think this is a problem.
Well, they said this is the one thing she's insisting on.
Yeah, so I think that's a no-go.
Which, you know, we said we're gonna stand by this stuff
no matter what, so I think we're gonna have to all
briefly be disbarred and then come back.
Okay, so I'm gonna disbar,
call the one that I'm holding.
Bye.
Bye.
You guys back.
Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna disbar myself.
I'm gonna disbar, so many people you guys.
Okay, that was good the way you staggered the disbarring. Yeah, it's other than jake would have tried to like climb up on
Okay, there's an empty seat. There's a
Cuddle and Emily you guys could actually
I could rise to
I feel like you've been up in that acrobatics swing for a while
Yeah, I'm just a little baby
You take a little baby
Yeah, I'm just a little baby can I
Great I'll have to an ancestral dirt from Earth. Fuck, so it's gonna make the house so dirty. Yeah, I'm back in your guys' home. All right, so we have to punish this DM, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, this DM.
I mean, the punishment's gonna come the first time
they accidentally kill someone with this homebrew roll.
Ooh, it's something they might be trying to.
Maybe they are.
And again, if the table wants that, then that's great.
But if they want to, they might be trying to do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this DM. that come the first time they accidentally kill someone with this homebrew rule. So I feel like they might be trying to.
Maybe they are.
And again, if the table wants that, then that's great.
But if the table doesn't want that,
maybe we're considered.
They could be a greeter for swords, RS.
Because we have somebody checking the receipts
on the way out, right?
We may definitely shouldn't be handling the swords
because they sound a bit bloodthirsty.
Maybe, oh, you know what?
Which are as bad.
No, I just said they are bloodthirsty. So I think, you know what? Which are as bad. You know what I just said, they are bloodthirsty.
So I think what we should do is they should constantly
have to tell everyone and just open with,
by the way, I hold a bastard's shoulder to two hands.
Right, by the way.
Oh, like when you're at Trader Joe's
and they give you like a little information,
they're like, oh, that's actually my favorite too.
I love those chocolate covered almonds.
Like they have to provide that little fun fact to be like, I use bastard's shoulder my favorite too. I love those chocolate covered almonds like they have to provide that little fun
I use bastard showed with to have yeah, or if you're like checking out at jcru and they're like oh do you have an email address for the receipt? You have to be like I use the bastard
So it's less about I do think bastard so it's probably where he used in two hands, but it's more the social faux pas
Bring that up at like Macy's.
Yeah.
Right.
Hey there, Nad Poles.
This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.
Have you ever signed up for a subscription service?
You didn't necessarily need maybe something to watch.
I don't know, a very Flintstones Christmas Carol or something like that.
And then needed to cancel, but totally forgot, well, guess what?
Rocket Money is the thing for you.
Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,
monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills. You can see all of your subscriptions in one
place and if you see anything you don't want well then you cancels with just a tap. They will
even try to get you a refund for that last couple of months that you wasted
and negotiate you a lower bill by 20% folks. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill.
Rocket money takes care of the rest. Rocket money has over 5 million users and has helped save
its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. Damn.
So stop wasting your money on things that you don't use.
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash paw paw.
That is rocketmoney.com slash paw paw.
Rocketmoney.com slash paw paw.
Howdy, mad pals.
Called we'll hear with a fun fact to kick off the new blue year.
Did you know that on average it takes about 30 days for a person to break their New Year's
resolution?
It actually took me less than a week, and my resolution was just don't spill water all
over yourself right after getting into bed.
But that's just me though.
If you're a normal person with a normal resolution, you might think you stand a better chance, but unfortunately the statistics are not in your favor.
Luckily, I have a 100% guaranteed way to save you money this year. Just switch to
Mint Mobile. For a limited time, wireless plans from Mint Mobile are 15 bucks a
month when you purchase a three-month plan. That is unlimited talk, text, and
data for $15 a month.
And even better, you can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone
number along with all of your existing contacts.
So quit making stupid resolutions you can't keep and resolve instead to get Mint Mobile.
To take advantage of their new customer offer and your new 3 month unlimited wireless
plan for just $15 a month, go to MittMobile.com-slashpopaw.
That's MittMobile.com-slashpopaw.
Cut your wireless build of $15 a month at MittMobile.com-slashpopaw.
Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply.
See MittMobile for details.
Okay, that's it for me.
Enjoy the show.
Okay, great, so swordering. So swordering.
And actually, I'm gonna hit you guys with a case
that's pretty grounded and crunchy, so let's.
Okay, are we already having this trial?
So why not?
Yeah, this one's pretty serious.
Okay, is it about farts or something?
Is it like a ghost made out of Farts or something?
No, that's good.
Do you have a case to bring to us?
I think that literally is a Ren and Stimpy episode.
I think it is too.
Yep.
Stimpy has a fart that follows him around.
Yeah, it's pretty fun.
But no, this one's pretty somber, so let's get to it.
Okay.
No, this is from Jesse D. It's the case of Fat Bastard versus Party of normally named
players. Wow.
Here we go.
Austin Powers 2.
To your Supreme Simps and Beta Baylif, I present a case to blow minds.
This last summer, I started a campaign with my brother, his girlfriend, our cousin,
and a, quote, friend. Who were all new players.
Were all these players secretly mic-mire?
Everyone made up a name, lineage, and identity,
except for our friend who wanted to be
fat bastard from Austin Powers.
He decided to be a half-orc barbarian who wanted to eat.
I was running Storm King's Thunder
with some changes inspired by NADPOT.
So when the party went on their first quest
to save a group of children, the kidnap from
their starting town by goblins, the party was quick to go, except for Fat Bastard who
anticipated telling the children to, quote, get in my belly.
In the encounter, I described how the leading goblin, Dac, how to soar, they glowed in the
dark.
Surely that line failed at the table.
Surely. Surely when they said get in the dark. Sure, that line failed at the table. Surely, surely when they said, get in my belly.
It could be so irony poisoned that maybe not.
But maybe everyone was just like so
in awe of this character committing
to their character and their character's arc
that like they just, they were just in stunned silence.
Well, wow, this is fat bastard.
I'm playing with fat bastard right now.
I'm gonna guess that this Austin powers came
You was not welcome judging by the fact that
He was written in the out
See how well it was yeah
Yeah, so that got a sword that glowed with dark fire and seemed to be berserk fat bastard went at him and grabbed the sword
Smiling the session ended there
I discussed with the player that he had the sword of the berserker and would go nuts if he failed to save.
He was down for the consequences
until the next session, he went in on all-out rage
and attempted to eat the kids and attack the party.
Instead of my goblins, Fat Bastard became a final battle
and was slung in a close fight with the others.
To this day.
It's kind of fun, I have to be honest.
This twist I'm really, really here for.
I mean, to this day, he blamed the party for killing him.
When he knowingly took the curse weapon and intentionally
tried to eat the kids for an Austin Powers bit.
Little does he know that I knew he would take the sword
and I planned his death accordingly,
as soon as he tried it to be the veteran
Scottish assassin.
God, I'm scared.
Good on you, son.
Who is a fault?
Me for trying to kill my gimmick player hands off
or my players for executing him or fat bastard.
I think, honestly, I really like what you did.
Yeah.
Well, you look up sort of the berserker.
Sure.
Are you look up fat bastard?
Just so, yeah, you're like so fun.
I think we're, we've all seen awesome powers too.
I haven't.
We all love it. Okay, so berserkrum, guessing this fun. Well, I think we're, we've all seen awesome powers too. I haven't. We all love it.
Okay, so berserk crum, guessing this is based on the berserker acts,
a curse, this acts as cursed,
I'm becoming a tune to it extends the curse to you.
As long as you remain cursed,
you are unwilling to part with the acts,
keeping it within reach at all times.
You have disadvantage on attack rolls with weapons other than this one,
unless no foes within 60 feet of you that you can see are here.
Okay.
Whenever a hostile creature damages you,
you must succeed on a DC 15 wisdom saving throw or grow berserk.
Well berserk, you must use your action each round
to attack the creature nearest to you with the axe.
If you can make extra attacks as part of the attack action,
use those extra attacks, so yeah, so you go berserk.
You start attacking around.
So this is pretty buttoned up.
I wonder, I guess Fat Baster didn't have really high wisdom
to make those saves.
That'll be good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was surprised they didn't make Max their wisdom.
Yeah.
I mean, there's part of, there's part of me that's like,
I'm glad that you killed this player.
There's, there's part of me,
but there's also part of me that maybe you could have
nipped this in the bud.
You know, but not even, not even not even entertain fat bastard coming into the campaign.
If someone came to my table and would just like, I would like to be Scott from Austin Powers.
I would just say, I would say absolutely not.
Yeah.
That's a very good.
That's good.
That's good.
Well, very funny.
See, I think that's, I think that's, is that also Zippin' you miss it. I think that's is that also zip it
We've done we've done no but I think how about no but is really great, right?
We should rewatch Austin powers. I wonder if it's good. I think this person did do that though because they were playing a half-work barbarian
So this person tried to work with it half-work barbarian is fucking Shrek though.
They're mixing their streams here a little bit.
There's no, it doesn't, you don't have to be Shrek
if you're a half-work barbarian.
Everyone can just play the goddamn game.
You don't have to be Shrek.
You don't have to be from Austin Powers 2.
You can just be, right, you can be from Austin Powers 1.
That's right.
Yeah, which is what all of our characters are.
Yeah, you could be.
Moonshiners, Beyonce, and Austin Powers One.
I would not be.
I would not be.
I would not be.
Are you descending?
Are you happy?
I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm okay.
I knew you leave.
We got all the sexist roder for you.
I knew you were a pre-gum jig.
We're all joking.
We actually got someone that can replace you.
Oh, well, my baby, back baby, back baby.
Oh, your mom just fat-dressed you in cell.
I think, honestly, I just kind of think this, what you pulled off sounds kind of fun.
Yeah.
I would have had fun at the table turning on this guy.
Yeah, all of the players killed him.
You made him attack them, but you didn't make them kill him.
Like, this was fat bastard,
designed a fat bastard's own making.
I guess I guess I'm mad he's gone,
but he never should have been there.
What do I, what do you want me to do?
What was the point where they were like,
where it was like, okay, fat bastard's down.
You could take his sword away and try to save him.
Or, and then the players were like,
no, we'd like to finish the job.
Yeah.
I'm curious about that.
Yeah.
You know, maybe this is the case
where we need a lot more information as well.
I refuse myself, but everyone else
make your decision and let's move on.
Okay, we got Justice Bastard up here
and he's gonna weigh in.
Great.
Great. I do think, yeah, like Alex, the bill for him would probably be
like high con, obviously high string.
High dexterity as well, probably because he's
a really bad player.
Right, because he's an assassin after all.
Yeah, and we got to.
All right, let's rule against the player
and the punishment is to get in my belly, right?
Okay, great, I love it.
Perfect, okay.
We'll get the player and get in my belly.
Get in my belly, that's the punishment.
So swordered, I will give Murph his sweet relief
and we'll move on.
His case comes from...
I just one second, I just know.
No faster sword.
No orders at anything.
Fat-mastred sword?
Nope.
It's like a bagpipe that's also a blade.
I think we're on to something here.
Whoa, that's kind of interesting.
Yeah.
You like can't get a good grip on it.
I need a month off.
Oh my God. We finally got
Merp to take a vacation. You know what baby bailiff get on up here.
Goku? The guy who of Gecko's rights. Hello honorable wonderful justices and some guy who reads
these things out loud semi-successfully. Dance and me. Wow, they earned the unedited versions.
Yeah, fuck that shit dude.
Trevor, make me sound like I'm good at reading.
This is the case of the idiot soul swap.
I run a campaign for two new players and one experienced player.
I was running an encounter in a frozen rainforest where the players come upon a statue garden
where upon investigation the statues
have an opportunity to possess the player.
Oh, that's fun.
I like it.
Frozen rainforest, that's the last thing.
You can't still do that from DK Tropical Freeze,
but go ahead.
Don't do it, dude.
Go in on them, call, well.
Merp back me up on this.
I need a month off.
You can't tell any story that Austin Powers or Donkey Kong didn't already tell.
That is true.
He's not a bother.
He's not a bother.
He's not a good con.
And there's Austin Powers.
Right.
Taggedellic.
And it was all fairly straightforward.
Until the barbarian, one of the newer players, failed all of his checks,
these 10 strength against a literal mental wall.
Consistently, for 15 rounds of combat, where he became so frustrated that he ceased to try
anything with his roles, yelling, what the fuck do I do?
Even when I tried to give hints to him how to defeat the encounter and gave him inspiration,
I had to fully pause the game and tell him how to beat the encounter and gave him inspiration. I had to fully pause the game and tell him how to beat
the encounter and explain that he had been doing
everything right, he had just been consistently
rolling like dog shit.
Aw.
Was I right to fully break K-Fabe for the entire table
or should I have let him try and the party succumbed
to his possessed bodies raging antics?
I think you did the right thing.
This was clearly someone who was probably really embarrassed.
They were probably feeling like, I'm an idiot.
There's a puzzle.
Everyone else gets it except for me.
I also do, I love using talking in character, calling that K-Fabe, bringing some wrestling
lingo into this.
That adds up.
Instead of metagaming, you're either in K-Fabe or out of K-Fabe.
That's a matter of the metagaming.
It's worth sure.
Yeah. K-Fabe, you're allowed to dip out of. It's okay. K-fabre out of K-fabe. Yeah. That's better than Medicaid and its worth. Sure. Yeah.
Yeah, K-fabe.
K-fabe, you're allowed to dip out of.
It's okay.
Yeah.
K-fabe.
K-fabe, that's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think you did the right thing,
because yeah, if your player's sitting there
incredibly frustrated, you do have to address that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, this kind of like the cardinal rules.
Like, if your players aren't having fun,
then like, it's not a good game
Yeah, if anything it sounds like you maybe let them suffer for too long
Our final battle in campaign one. Yeah, our final battle of campaign one. I think it was probably eight rounds
I have to over this person. They were probably so embarrassed
They probably really must have been like there's some obvious solution that I'm gonna feel
like such an idiot in every single round
that just compounding, compounding.
Yeah, yeah.
I think you did the right thing
to relieve them of this embarrassment.
I think this is sort of a lesson that I've had to learn
or time which is that like, nobody likes being stunned.
It is just not fucking fun.
And I reserve the right to do it again at some point
with some high level character.
I might have to just because you guys are too strong,
but I try not to do it.
I try to come up with other like home brew stuff
that will disarm you guys in different ways
and everything like that.
Like have you not able to do specific abilities
or to limit your movement or to do something like that?
And usually when we're stunned,
you put us in like some kind of flashback.
Yes, I was gonna say,
if you were to hang in.
Yeah.
You're gonna stun me, show me something cool.
Right, that's what I'm told you.
I think that's a good, yeah.
If you're gonna stun somebody or petrify them
or something, it's like, have them go through
some kind of puzzle in their mind or something. Maybe give them some opportunity to break out of it or something, it's like, have them go through some kind of puzzle in their mind or something,
maybe give them some opportunity to break out of it or something like that.
I think that whenever, this isn't your fault because rules as written, there are so many enemies
that can just sit there and stun their enemies.
But yeah, it's not fun to play in.
I think it's a cheap mechanic that is against fun.
Yeah, so it's really sick to play along, so.
It's really sick when the players get to do it.
And it can suck for a DM if you don't have
legendary resistances and you're only controlling one person,
but you generally should have legendary resistances.
So it's, as the DM, you have ways to get around stun
where you still, you're still juggling a bunch.
So even if one of your guys is stunned,
you still have other stuff to do.
If a player is stunned, particularly for like 16 rounds
of combat or whatever, they can't do anything.
Were they stunned or were they attacking other people?
It sounds like they were possessed
and they were attacking other people.
They could get out of like having a good time.
So it's like equally just like embarrassing.
Yeah.
And anything that where you just like have absolutely no control over your character.
I mean, I guess if you're, because we've done this before, right, if like somebody gets
charmed, so you make them roll the attacks on other people.
And that's fun for a couple rounds.
It's not boring as stun.
Right.
It's not great a couple rounds. It's not as boring as Stun, but I guess it's not great for 15 rounds.
Doing that, like just being a pawn of the enemy for like 15 rounds is so.
Yeah.
There are ways as a DM to spice that up, or it's just like, you see, you like have a flashback
to this fight that you had, and you see all the your allies as your enemies in the past,
or you know, I don't know, there are fun story.
I was another player at the table,
I would definitely be sacrificing some turns
just to give them the whole fact.
That's good.
But also, it could have been so dire
that that didn't actually make sense.
So I'm not actually saying that about these.
I don't know, I was gonna bring that up.
And I don't wanna like so too much drama.
It's kinda like, what are the other players doing
versus you two?
I'm looking for a drama today, go.
Well, sorry, I think it's-
It sounds like they were getting their ass kicked.
Yeah, go.
Right, there were other statues that were coming to the house.
Yeah, yeah.
So maybe they're dealing with that.
I know the way Ghost Possession works is essentially,
you can't get rid of it until the person goes down to zero.
But that's not how this works,
because they were constantly failing their saves.
Yeah.
Which is man, to statistically roll that low is pretty good.
Brutal. Yeah, I think that that low, is pretty brutal. Brutal.
Yeah.
I think that 15 rounds, but yeah.
I don't even know who I would rule against though,
because this person kind of wrote in saying,
yeah, did I, was I wrong to break K-Fave
and I would say definitely not.
Yeah, sometimes, if anything,
you were wrong to not do it.
Maybe.
You're gonna do it.
Yeah, you could have done it 11 rounds.
Yeah, I think maybe like 10 rounds or more.
Yeah, I think, I mean, five rounds is long, is a long.
It's long.
And I think that, I mean, I think we can take a lesson out of this,
which is that you should, when you build combat, be like,
if people are failing a bunch of roles,
is this going to be incredibly boring?
You know what I mean?
Is everyone just gonna be stunned and restrained
and not able to do anything?
I have had, and I'm sure people will call me out.
I have had encounters where people have been restrained
or confused or whatever.
Those shit's usually last a round or two.
I've never sat there and had people for eight rounds
or six rounds or whatever,
just not doing literally any of that.
There's a lot of monsters that will be like,
they're charmed until the next turn.
Just for like a turn,
which I'm sure that changes the challenge rating.
But I'm always kind of drawn to those,
because I'm like, that's kind of like,
yeah, and that's, that's fun,
because there are on the flip side,
there are monsters that are like,
the creature is charmed until the next dawn.
And you're like, what?
Oh, really?
Yeah, there's a time.
Okay, but actually, I'm gonna go back and say
that would actually be kind of fun to roleplay.
Yeah, you're gonna be fun to roleplay.
I don't know that it'd be fun to fight,
yeah, yeah, you know, for that long.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cool, so then who do we even sentence here?
I think that we, okay,
okay, well we had to send it to somebody. We're doing sentence fat bastard again. Yeah
Like fat bastards just come in and like eat the DM here, right? Okay, well, that's not that's not a
Punishing the the correct person. Oh, yeah
That's actually rewarding fat bastard
I think no one's allowed to why don't we just make a blanket rule?
No one's allowed to reference Austin Powers 2 in D&D games.
Yeah, you got to stick it to one in three.
Yeah.
But that's only D&D games.
We can talk about it as much as you can.
Yeah, I think it's important.
Right.
We're so important.
All right, you're tight.
Yeah, so sorted.
All right, the next case comes from Jake, but it's not me.
They write,
I hate that.
Okay, Jake.
Okay, Jake.
Okay, Jake.
It's not me.
It's not me.
I play a character named Hard One Sure, folks.
I've been stunned for one round.
I fucking hate my DM and I don't know how to tell him.
Dear incredible justices and Baylif Hard one, that's me.
I bring you the case of the potion soup.
I was DMing for my group of friends
when one of them had a great idea.
Take all the potions, healing, poison, invisibility,
and the like and dump them all into the bag and holding
and mix them around to make a horrid Frankenstein
and shrink.
Sounds fun, right?
Well, it was until one of my players decided to drink from the bag by scooping some mystery
liquid and chugging it.
Fun.
I decided to roll D23 times to pick randomly what effects they get.
Who turns out this player was furious when they got poison and demanded that the healing
potion mixture in the slop should counteract the poison.
Come on.
What?
Come on.
Get my phone.
I hear a potion in general. You just. What? Come on, man. Get my phone.
I hate my phone.
You just tried some history liquid out of a bag.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone.
I hate my phone. I hate my phone. I hate my phone. gotten out of text. I had a potion, a poison with the only bad potion, and he got up and left my house,
ending the session there.
Lock the door.
Lock the door.
That is!
Close the points.
Psychotic language to use socially.
You're targeting me.
I can't get it wrong.
You're letting the healing potion overtake the poison potion.
Or did my player get truly lost in the sauce? I can't get wrong. He's letting the healing potion overtake the poison potion.
Or did my player get truly lost in the sauce?
I wait for your fair and sexy judgment.
Dude, you just hate me as a player.
You hate my love guru character that I came up with.
You're too arrogant in me.
Yeah, imagine getting so mad storming out
and going into your Kia, turning the key and your engine
doesn't turn over.
I need a fucking jump asshole.
I left my headlight on and my battery died.
My two-way, he fired.
Call me an Uber because my phone's also dead.
You live across the street.
Shut up!
He's these-
Terry me!
These cases are in my belly.
Killed, always tickle me when it's a player doing something very goofy and you can tell they're kind of like giggling
And then they fucking flip out whenever there's any kind of consequences
How bad did you need this?
Where's just like you see this cursed book I go up and I lick it
You are possessed by a demon what fuck you
And I'm even more
I'm not taking up my character
We talked about this on the show that like being poisoned is not that bad.
Because like there's poison in D&D is like kind of bad.
Like I've several times tried to have bad guys poison you guys.
And so it's just like, oh, sorry, I'm this ancestry
or oh, I'm level five.
Oh, I'm a monk or oh, whatever.
But you're talking about being poisoned and it not working.
If you're actually poisoned, it's like just a advantage
on all checks, disadvantage on attacks.
Sure, they should also-
But also-
But it sounds like you weren't even in combat
and this person just ran out.
Those drinks, stuff, stuff, stuff, the bag, dude.
And this just, I mean, I hate to bring in like real life
precedent, but like if you did this in real life, if you just poured a bunch of drinks into a cooler and you drank it you might get points
Yeah, yeah, I mean I did that in college
Yeah, that little bit of poison would it would still be poison. Yeah, we both slept the basement juice
Sometimes you don't feel so good afterwards. You guys think that if there was antidote, like an actual antidote poured in there
that it would counteract the poison.
This is just...
It's in a huge bag, it would dilute so much.
You would...
I don't even think you would get invisible.
I don't think you'd get the effect of anything
because you would be drinking such a diluted version.
Yeah.
Let's also point out that three D20s were rolled.
It was random.
Yeah, exactly.
I was targeted.
Like the rolls didn't go the go there wet it's just a consequence of sticking your head in the bag
and slurping right just being so mischievous and silly and then being absolutely
infuriated in real life going from Tiki he I'm slurping to being targeted yeah I'm going from Tiki-hi and Slurp it to being torgid.
I'm Wily Coyote.
I'm going to walk out on the invisible bridge over the chasm.
You fall in.
No!
No!
It's a man to eat the road runner.
Okay, so I think we're willing against this player.
This player, easily.
They have to, we have to train the batter if they're car,
so they have to, they have to awkwardly come back in
and ask for Unicorn Uber for them.
Or a jump, you get to decide, you get to decide.
That would be a great power move, honestly,
is to get no one argument with somebody
and be like, call new for me.
Call new for for me
You call new for my rating sucks
Don't call me a book
At least a regular
I've got three swords with me. I need an Excel. So sort of. So sort of.
Okay. And now shall we step into church?
Yes. Yes.
Yes, we shall.
Bendy writes, I cast myself humbly before the steps of dice
Christ in the casino. He calls a church.
I am for you as a servant to help me because I believe I am cursed or going
through a joke or a Jonas situation. Oh, I've never been a lucky roller. I accepted that.
But on the last session of our Curse of Strade game, something incredible happened. I rolled
eight-natt twenties in a row. Before you cheer and toss out my confession, please understand
One initiative roll
I just feel like it's good like the game should turn into basketball for one round if you get a net 20 on initiative That's all I think if you get an out 20 on initiative
You should be able to start before
You just feel the start before everyone else. Okay, everything aside eight not 20s in row one initiative awesome
And seven and seven deck saves
Decks saves for the DC was 14. I was a level 14 monk, eight nat 20s,
eight completely useless nat 20s,
except for the one for initiative we can argue.
We can agree is great.
Okay.
Could be better.
I wasted all my luck that I'll ever have
in my entire life on eight roles.
That meant nothing.
Do you know how many times I hit Strad?
Zero.
Do you know how many times?
I hit the man that killed my mentor, zero.
I don't think I rolled above a 10 against Strad.
Can you imagine having it all?
Can you imagine feeling just head-handed, dice-thread?
Only for him to backhand you an hour later.
What can I even do?
What's the point?
My empire is dead.
I hate you for hearing my plate.
XO, XO.
Okay, wow.
Your bad rolls.
That sucks.
That sucks to never.
Especially, yeah, you're doing flurry of blows.
That's crazy.
They certainly weren't having a 16-round fight
in this one, I hope.
Because that's how it's gonna look.
Yeah.
I think that I'm just gonna give you advice
that I've done for my friends.
It always helps just put your dice out in a full moon.
I know that sounds insane.
You gotta pick what you're doing.
I know that sounds insane, but I feel like I do this for friends all the time and then
those dice roll really well.
Yeah, I will also say you can look on the bright side.
Those not 20s for deck saves.
That's not a bad thing.
You passed them.
That's good.
And also, as a monk, arguably, that's the worst class
to crit in.
You don't, you know, individual role is not a lot of damage.
It is true, you know?
Depending on your level, I guess, like,
you know, when you're older, it's gonna be like,
Q8s or 2d6s.
I think this person is so great.
You know what, I'll take your curse on, or maybe you'll take my curse on. So I'm gonna roll, and if I know what, I'll take your curse on,
or maybe you'll take my curse on.
So I'm gonna roll, and if I roll bad,
I've taken your curse on.
If I roll good, unfortunately,
I've given you some of my curse.
Oh, let's see if I can do it.
I'll try to take on, I'll try to do.
I'll try to do.
I'm gonna do it.
That's a two, shout out to the two crew.
Oh, that's a two crew.
Oh, that's a two crew.
I will take on your curse to die.
Wow.
I'm mostly a DM, so that's fine.
But if you liked Frankie Fantasmo or Max out of bumper dead
All right, they're not gonna make it with those roles if I'm
Not always
Yeah, back was cursed already. Yeah, okay, so I'm more cursed. Thank you. I am legit scared now that I got to
That's
We need some more help by summer.
Yeah. Oh god. Okay. Well with that's so
uh so so so
so I'm so sorry. So for giving so
forgiving so so are given. Yeah.
Uh you can hear us. Uh we're gonna have some bonus cases over on our patreon patreon.com slash nad pod that's any We don't sing it. Don't do it. Oh, we got a those live shows that we brought up at the beginning of the episode
We're gonna be in DC and Boston and January hours
No Boston powers
There's nothing there. It's not, it's the thing.
It's there's nothing there.
It's kind of maybe the theme of the show.
There's nothing there.
I will not be on the bonus episode.
Wow, fortunately.
I'll be playing Gold member.
Okay, Lisa.
Yeah, and I'll be playing Penis Amini.
Right?
I'll be playing Austin Powers,
because that's the character that I've heard of the most.
That's awesome.
I can assure you it will be funnier than this
when you see us live at pod.com slash live.
Anybody else have anything they'd like to plug?
Austin Powers, one through three, pretty soft.
Oh, I'm gonna plug the fact that I'm thinking
about watching Austin Powers now.
Yeah, great.
You can do it about this show.
All of us at social media, they're a mermaid I use. as he has mercy me at call these call though at the extra Emily
Which one should I start with do you have to start about?
Mad pod the day is actually better run a lot of like
The
Information about dr. Evil and Austin Powers relationship and it's gonna like feel a little out of order and asynchronous
But like by starting there you're gonna have more of an understanding of where you go. Okay
We're off come back. Why are you leaving? We're off getting my belly. I think I'm gonna start with three. Yeah It's the end of the short rune and you know what that means?
It's time to shout out our benevolent Council of elders, starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S.
Lord of the Fjord.
You see, later mixed skater, Matt M. Cutter W.
Theard Al.
Jeff C. Daniel G. Daniel.
The dustedly Dame.
Beard man, Dan.
Danny P. Vincent W. Victor T, Boundorse Boy, Heads Friend,
Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Chale de Crife, Christopher B, Damio R, Jordan L, Cyborg
version of Josh the Cobald, Stevie Wags!
The guy who gave Caldwell a Flintstones graphic novel in Milwaukee wishing you all a happy
Beneng's giving an amery credermist.
Happy hog latiss, belated but still happy.
Princess Yarr, Jury S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohemia now back in action
after Union victory. Samuel B. Mike H. Elkashnumtser Plus. Great value, Jamal. Adam G. Tyler F.
Nipadger. Panama James. Haradrian. Rex Thangir The White. Diana De los Lopez, C.C. Lulu, Erkjupachos, a rapid
fok-t-t-t-t-if, Rico, Calder, Cums, Cold, Hashtag, C.C.C.C. for every day for our
ste-fairy followers, Taylor be the vengeful one-winged angel, Cass, skateboard, Cass, Stephen,
C.C.S, Stevens, Stephen, C's, Stevens on the C's, C!
Mike K, Lady Taco and Team Increduity, Joy T, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Bird of the Mad!
Ananorama, Percival Fredrickstein von Musselklazowskiowski to Rollo III, Item, The Simple Dimples, Vincent,
Incorrigible Daniels, The Sandrian, Ben A, Dave H. Catherine S. Christian S. A. Cell,
From the Prison of Elders, Dustin S. Danny F. Hockye peers, Book Vars assistant Izzy F.
Sean, The Shade Trim mechanic of Zelbaldar, Summer Rose, Grand Terre, Kat C.
Misev, Haussen Zunza, Ariel, The occasional Mermaid, Selina, and Valacy Raptor.
B. Perky, Always! Pat-l, Maxwell J, Lauren H,
No-Lani, the coffee barista brewing fighter,
Ryan S, the Boundaster,
Annie, the Feywild therapist,
Skillful Ferret!
A fan art request I'm gonna ask to see
The Great Battle Undersea,
Where whales are wielding swords of old.
Connor Savage!
Salil!
Weed Goku 69 aka Trevor G.
Leviathan.
Bioquart 7.
Amber Dexterous Sullivan H.
Trubh Hap Draper Jack H.
King of the Mole people under Iron Deep wearing Merce Jack Skellington hoodie, Lindsay W. Vailin,
Carlin C, Emily S, Noah the Bullie Wug Boy,
Hashtag release the filthy guppy cut.
James G, everything bego the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripy.
Daddy, Master, Dandy, Han, the Green Teen, Eric
B, Marcos, learns the balance druid, Dakota James P, Frida M, Puggos, the self-proclaimed
Faking Back on their regularly programmed phase and again there is. Tracy P, the Crick-Out librarian, Maggie S. Holly H. Leah Hunter H. Pixel stars, Akash
the car, Andrew Crick planeswalker stuck in Crick's new world, Dufanus Russell H. A monk
named Dilgo, yes, the whole thing, yes, every time. Cody C.
Keachane, Pentium 2 processor.
Laura Lai, the succubus and Kyra, her bestie queen.
There was maybe something about, we're not saying,
pronouncing Kyra correctly, so please,
in the comments let me know.
Kyra, her bestie queen, Kyra, her bestie queen.
I love both.
Matt N, your friendly neighborhood, Y-ton young glendruent Sid.
John Adams, yes, like the president.
Meg, the male carrier of Bohemia.
James F, Jimmy A, M4L, Austin S, Wayfair.
Upon returning to their fave flower shop,
sounded completely overrun with trolls!
What will they do now?
Say and see, Barbell, good, barrel, Barred, Barian!
Garrett G, one big curd, Mr. D, Dana, the Daisy, Ethan B,
Havie, the Half Ork, Renee, the Monster Captain.
Box, Clifton, Olivia, the enchanting bard who was working hard on her audition to be the lead singer of
Mountain Crows
Winter Slade
Riley S. FICO
Angry Hoete
Garrett, the Artificer
Anthony the Radist of Dudes
Josh H. Caleb L
Fairy Followers are celebrating Hashtag CCCC. I love sunny hashtag. Get the fish hashtag ptfc
Can trip Dumbledore the bear onesy wearing barbarian Lexi H. MJ the BFG drinking tea by the sea the whale guy from court lawyer Dale, Artévious Crass.
Genoty, Mama Bell, the silver serpent herself,
Knut Spell the Wizard.
Directly, Tristan the talentless hunk, Leon K,
the legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign.
B.T.A. Workshop, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mioz the Great, Alex K, Joshua S, Alexander, Lins W, Angel La Pamela, the Forever Vindicated, yes we did vindicate you, MS, Red, the Reforged, Warforged, Executive Producer, Dick Wolf, creator of the upcoming series Law and Order Bahumias
starring the lead, Bollywug actor David Hassel Hopp.
A cat napping in a sunbeam listening to a podcast, ah, Hunter W, hard ones, hot, hump
kunk.
The whiplash of going from that sweet cat to humpkunk. Shelby, kinda second favorite sprite girl, she's exiting 2023.
Finally cancer free.
Congratulations, congratulations.
That is fucking amazing.
Jackson R. T3R HX official Ned Flanders.
Troy D. Blaze, Vulture, Gang of the Pirates.
Blake H. searching for a sweet blue hoe with his bestie big bev.
Papaw Skydays, Mima Skydays.
Oh, it's me!
Tommy W. Mike and Lisa sending love to all y'all.
Haley the human, Megan N. The big M.
Boundore's best friend, Steve! I believe it, I do believe it.
Stephanie of House in Zunza, Jake's ramen shop, RIP Melcior, the brave Leonin Wojder,
who even cares about the rest of the party.
Cargis, Benjamin A, sacrificial otaku pen name for Kelly's cousin who discovered anime
and is trying to spread it all over Bahumia.
Jiggy M, Mekal A, Angie A, Josh H, 5 Yacht Zords that combine into one much larger Yacht Zord.
FROKI! The two crew blew through!
Maple the shy bookworm, so cute.
Ashley, Seth e.
Billy Baston, Tori the blind bisexual dragoos,
Sack monkey bob, Edelweiss, the charismatic arcane trickster jackal,
Buckingwatch, has been hotel on the 19th, okay?
Michael Lyle, asked the second,
Cobbers-Bobbers the Cobblin, Bobbing Goblin. Oh I love this one now.
Nova Cry, Hilda Thunderheart the human barbarian,
Pursal, Dex R and finally Hannah A. Thank you, we love you all so much.
We couldn't do this without you and here's to a sexy 2024.
Goodbye, Sweeties.