Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Trash Can Spaghetti (w/ Karina Farek & Nathan Yaffe)
Episode Date: April 26, 2024Dungeon Court is back in session! With Murph and Emily away on tour, Justice Tanner and the Lovely Little Bailiff Hurwitz recruit Justices Farek and Yaffe from the Drawfee District to ascend ...the bench and pass judgement on your trials at the table!Watch Drawfee on Youtube!And Subscribe to their Patreon here!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Dungeon Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon some other little show they do. And they just absconded. They didn't actually text or email or anything. Yeah, they ghosted us.
Yeah, I saw on Zach Oyama's Facebook page
that they're just in Europe doing some shows
or something like that.
Amazing.
Yeah, so we had to last minute wrangle some guests together.
You're gonna be hearing their names very soon.
But before that, I do need to introduce our lovely,
lovely, lovely, Baleiff Hurwitz.
Wow.
Wow.
So Murph is gone and I get the, I get the king treat.
The cat owners are away.
So the dog owners will play.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's lovely.
The dogs are out.
I don't know how to react to this.
You're sweating.
You're sweating and you're blushing.
I've never been complimented on this show.
It's really red, it's really red.
Are you okay?
No, I'm uncomfortable.
Can you be mean to me?
Can you fucking continue the show?
Can you power through?
Perfect.
Can you be professional for one goddamn minute?
Thank you.
Let's introduce our guest justices.
You're doing amazing, sweetie.
No, I hate this.
Okay, we have from Drawfee,
a little YouTube show you might know about.
We've got Nathan Yaffe and Karina Farik here.
Just a little YouTube show.
Just a little YouTube show.
Absolutely tiny.
A little YouTube show followed by millions
of fucking people.
It is a drawing YouTube channel that I love very much
with all my heart.
And I'm very excited to have you on
to help us answer some trials at the table.
If you are ready, Bailiff Hurwitz has a little oath
that you need to swear to
before you can officially serve as Supreme Crit Justices.
Now, Justice Yaffe, you are already sworn in.
Yeah, I'm for sworn.
You're taking this oath.
It is a lifetime oath.
You don't need to take it again. But Karina, I actually do need You're taking this oath. It is a lifetime oath. You don't need to take it again,
but Karina, I actually do need you to say this oath.
And here is a really sharp knife.
You can slice your palm just like that.
Perfect.
Okay.
Yep.
And you're bleeding onto this paper.
Okay, great.
Now say the words.
I'm sorry that the knife had to be so cold,
but that's just how it is.
I, Karina, do solemnly swear that I will support
and defend the players as well as the DMs
against all enemies, foreign and domestic,
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same,
that I take this obligation of my own volition
and that I will well and faithfully embark
on this noble pursuit of justice.
So help me gods.
Hear ye, hear ye, crit is now in session.
Hurrah.
The honorable supreme crit justices Tanner,
Yaffe and Farrak presiding.
Mm, mm.
And now.
It hurts.
Let's.
There's a lot of reading up top.
Yeah, you'll never have to do that again.
First one in three.
I promise I will never make you read ever again.
Thank you.
Our first case comes from Bananas.
Bananas.
Is that with a Z on the end?
It is with a Z on the end.
Ooh, fun.
Some funky minions coming in.
To the esteemed and honorable Crit Justices
and the lowly bailiff rotting away
in Jill and Tucker's crawl space.
That is a reference to my wife
and the man she's cucking me with.
LAUGHS
I am playing a 17-year-old halfling girl named Bree
in a campaign with three other party members.
Early in our campaign, Bree developed a crush
on a member of the town guard named Will, also a teenager.
In our last session, Will and Brie had their first kiss
and it was a joyful moment for the two teens.
However, about 10 minutes later,
the King gave our party a quest that requires us
to leave the country for the foreseeable future.
I let my fellow party members know
that while Brie isn't going to ask Will to join,
she's going to tell him
the party is leaving the country and let him make that choice if he wants to join the party.
My fellow party members vehemently oppose this, saying Will would likely immediately die on our
journey and we will just find someone else to crush on later. I counter this by saying that
Will has already proven himself in combat as he joined us in battle once before and held his own. Our DM is open to bringing Will along and said he would
give him some levels of fighter to better his odds. Our DM also said he likes having a DMPC or two to
guide the party when needed, Opa Balnor style. I'm torn. Am I in the wrong for wanting to include
a DMPC on a dangerous long-term quest?
Should I let Bree's first love go
and just hope to run into him again in the distant future?
Or should I have Bree talk with Will
and leave it up to our DM to decide if he joins the party?
I lay myself at the mercy of the court.
This is definitely a tough one
because I feel like the party has a point.
Having an extra character like this,
especially one that's connected
to one character so specifically,
it can get a little lopsided, I think.
Yeah, I'm surprised because the party thinks
it's a bad idea, but not for the reason
that I think it's a bad idea.
Like, it's too dangerous for Will.
It's not, you're 17, you had your first kiss,
and now you wanna bring him on vacation.
Right.
That feels like it's a step too far.
It's moving too fast.
If this were my friend, I'd be like,
are you sure you wanna travel with him?
You guys aren't even official yet.
That's such an in-character teenage move though.
I'd love to have Will join them
and then they immediately are like,
we've moved too fast,
but they're already on this dangerous quest.
Yeah.
I don't know if I like you anymore, Will.
Totally.
It's like in the middle, just goblins are stabbing them.
No, at DMPC, it can't be too tied to the story.
I feel like, sometimes it can be,
but I feel like you have to like,
haphazardly find that later.
You've gotta just go find a goblin or a Loxodon
and be like, you're our buddy now.
You, your name's Trunko, you're coming with us.
It feels like it's absence makes the heart grow fonder.
It's that type of situation.
Yeah, exactly.
And you want like Will to have his own little journey
that he can tell you about.
That you want like a pen pal that you can yearn for.
Will should be your pen pal, not your move-in boyfriend.
Exactly.
I feel like I'm siding with the players here.
I feel like you gotta keep Will a little distant
and like you want Will to level up on his own.
I respect the player wanting Will
to make his own decision though.
I like that a lot.
Right, it's almost, it shows a level of maturity
that isn't shown by even asking in the first place.
Exactly.
I feel like if I'm the DM here, like, yeah,
Will's going to turn you down and say like,
I need to train on my own so that I can be stronger.
Yeah.
So that when we meet again, like we'll fight side by side.
Leaving it up to the DM does kind of feel like
the right move.
Because so like it actually, maybe it does make sense
because they're not saying, Will, come with me.
They're saying, Will, we're going on this adventure,
this journey.
It's up for the DM to be like, I wanna come or I don't.
But it sounds like this DM is inching towards coming.
I don't think it's gonna work.
I love it when my DM's inching towards coming.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can tell them that.
That's what the screen is for, so you can't see. Yeah, yeah. Yes, the teen yearning is there and it's very sweet. And you're like doing a very good job role playing it.
But yeah, I feel like the players are right here.
Like just go into town, find like a place
where you can be like, oh, I'm going to be a good player.
And then you can be like, oh, I'm going to be a good player.
And then you can be like, oh, I'm going to be a good player.
And then you can be like, oh, I'm going to be a good player.
And then you can be like, oh, I'm going to be a good player. good job role playing it. But yeah, I feel like the players are right here.
Like just go into town, find like an Arachocra named Bunko.
Yeah.
Just get Bunko the Arachocra to come with you.
Bunko the bird.
But then you really gotta be careful
not to develop feelings for Bunko
because he has a cool name and he can fucking fly.
Rah, I'm Bunko.
Hi, I wonder what happened to my parents. Raa, I'm Bunko. I wonder what happened to my parents.
Uh oh, uh oh, Bunko.
Oh my God, you're so emotional, Bunko.
All right, so now it sounds like
we're gonna sentence this player.
Well, wait a minute.
I'm a justice.
I'm a force foreign justice and I dissent.
I disagree.
I think, and I have a-
I think this is an awesome idea.
I think-
It's rules.
Well, I think that we're neglecting sort of a key thing
here, which is that I think you should absolutely
have the conversation with the character, with Will.
And I think if it comes to it, let the dice decide.
If Will's feeling a certain way
and you wanna persuade him to join you or not,
there is a built-in mechanic to this game
that you're playing.
There's an element of chance.
And the cool thing about it is everyone has to abide
by this element of chance. Whether they like it or not.
Justin Murphy will often warn about this and say,
don't leave anything up to the dice
that you don't want to happen.
So as the DM, as the player, I agree.
You could be like, let me roll for it.
Let me roll to see if Will will come on this trip with me.
But as the DM, you would expect them to be like,
I don't know if I want two 17 year old love birds
adventuring together.
So I don't wanna leave that up to a role.
But Justice Yaffe, are you suggesting that it must be
adjudicated by a role of the D20?
I think every aspect of this relationship
should be adjudicated by the D20.
I think every encounter, there is a chance that Will will die and it will fundamentally alter
the character growth of this player's character.
And that adds, I think that adds stakes to the adventure.
I also think it adds a fun dynamic
if all of the players in character do not like
that this person is with the rest of the team
and are actively avoiding saving them in combat.
I don't know, I think this adds a fun wrinkle,
a pleat, if you will.
Yes, a pleat is a wrinkle on purpose.
He's read the texts.
Yes, he's studied the tone.
I am a fan of the show.
Yeah, well.
You're caught up.
Really happy to be here.
That episode came out like two weeks ago. Happy to be here. That episode came out like two weeks ago.
Happy to be here.
Anytime Murph and Emily surprisingly go on tour,
I'm just waiting by the phone for the call.
I just showed up at the studio.
Nathan actually planned the whole Dimension 20 tour.
Right, you booked that for them, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a long call.
I'm not organized at all, but I really,
I really buckled down for this. Right. Karina, do you have any
thoughts on the matter? Because I feel like Nathan, Nathan brings up the dice
and like he is keeping on the fundamentalist path. He's keeping dice
Christ in our hearts and I appreciate that. Yeah, but I have to say it sounds
like Nathan is kind of ruling on this case seemingly for your own amusement because
Would be funny and it'd be funny if everyone hated will
Side with Nathan on this Nathan is following the drama and I feel like sometimes sometimes drama can be too much
But like this is a rich vein of drama. Yeah, but I think it's delightful
And I think I like the idea of leaving
the initial decision up to a dice roll,
because I am not a follower of the Dice Christ
or whatever the fuck you call it.
Excuse me.
So it's like, so you know, you fail,
you succeed, partial success.
The partial success is that there's a chaperone added.
Oh, and that's the DMPC.
Yeah.
I think that's a good compromise, right?
Imagine playing in this campaign and being like,
okay, so there's two DMPCs.
It's Will and it's Will's chaperone.
Yeah.
She's like, sorry, are we gonna kill the dragon or not?
Not yet.
Because Will is miffed about something this morning.
Will needs to finish his homework first.
Yeah.
You woke up in a mood.
And it's not even Will's mom or dad,
it's like Will's pastor.
Yeah.
Will is super religious.
This is great, yeah.
I think that's a good compromise.
I love this, because that's kind of got a built in punishment
angle to it anyway.
You're getting what you wanted.
We let that we do let it go to a dice roll.
But like, yeah, regardless of what happens, I do think that like Will's pastor
or maybe like the captain of the guard needs to come along.
OK, maybe we'll farm assist.
So we're punishing just so I get clear.
We are punishing the players who think that inviting
Will and his pharmacist on the adventure is a bad idea.
Those guys are in the wrong.
I think they're all getting punished, honestly.
But especially the players.
They're in the wrong until Will and the pharmacist die
and then they get to be like, we were right.
Yeah, it's true.
It's a delayed gratification.
Interesting.
Why did Will die?
But not the pharmacist.
The pharmacist was the Eric O'Croft the whole time.
Dr. Bunko!
Dr. Bunko!
Who wants prescriptions?
Ah!
Okay, it's Dr. Bunko's turn.
He is going to administer penicillin to Will.
Will is dead and has two death saves.
Unreal, penicillin will not do the trick.
Dr. Bunko?
He needs a defibrillator, guys.
I'm so sorry, there's nothing I can do.
Time of death, 327.
This is the hardest part of the job. There's nothing I can do! Time of death, 327!
This is the hardest part of the job!
It never gets any easier!
As a pharmacist, I've seen a surprising number of deaths!
Okay, yeah, so you're sentenced to go to Dr. Bunko for all of your pharmaceutical needs. So ordered.
So ordered.
And our next case comes from Brittany O.
Brittany O writes,
"'May it please the court and take the bailiff
"'on a couple of dates before deciding to just be friends.'
Wow, what a letdown.
Lovely.
"'I bring to you the case of the flying machine
"'that never was.'
Oh yeah. "'We are playing a campaign set in Eberron "' to you the case of the flying machine that never was. Oh yeah.
We are playing a campaign set in Eberron.
And after the end of a recent arc,
our DM gave us a really cool steampunk style car.
As she described it, she mentioned brass pieces
that looked like flames coming off of the sides.
Yes.
Our art officer insisted that she knew what this was.
That those pieces were wings
and that it would definitely fly.
We all got very excited about our flying machine
and wanted to test it out.
We went to a nearby cliff where the party asked me
as the only one with the highest athletics
to push it off the cliff at a running start to get it going.
So I did.
Oh, give me a DM screen, imagine.
Our DM then narrated a very heartbreaking description
of the car smashing to pieces on the rocks below.
She then made us sit in silence
and listen to Taylor Swift's,
this is why we can't have nice things in its entirety.
Damn, reputation era.
The worst part is that the party blames me
for us losing the car and says,
I shouldn't push things off a cliff
just because they tell me to,
and that I should be more responsible with my strength.
Please tell my friends that we were at least equally
to blame and I might even be more innocent
than the rest of the party here.
I feel like this is pretty much like a one-to-one analog
with an experience a lot of specifically, maybe American teens have, I feel like this is pretty much like a one-to-one analog
with an experience a lot of specifically maybe American teens have where like you're goofing around
with someone's car and you almost have
a catastrophic collision.
Yes, yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of times when I was 16,
16 year olds shouldn't have license.
No.
I think you have to be 25.
Like in the age to rent a car is the age, the license.
16 year olds should be in the town guard.
They should be allowed to go on adventures
with their partner, but they should not be allowed to drive.
No, I mean, come on.
At Hertz, they know.
You can have your license,
but you can't drive a Hertz rental car.
Are you fucking crazy?
No.
Oh, you gotta be 23.
Yeah, we're like, no, a 16 year old in the president's circle.
Yeah, right. Not my Sorento. I don't think so. I do not think
so. So what I'm saying here is that like, there is precedent
for goofing around with an automobile and it ending
terribly. I don't think that the fighter should be blamed here.
No, I don't. I don't think so necessarily. And I also deeply sympathize with an alchemist artificer
seeing something being like, I know everything about that.
Let me describe how it works.
Yeah.
And then the DM saying no.
No, you can't.
The DM just quietly sitting behind their screen
being like, okay.
Just opening Spotify.
I'm ready to play this song.
They had it queued up.
Look what you made me do.
Oh man.
I mean, I do think that like,
I want to return to Justice Yaffe's
fundamentalist approach here,
which that like, this could be left up to a role.
Like on a nat 20, that thing,
chitty-chitty, bang-bangs all through the sky.
Right.
Oh yeah.
Do you feel like this DM was just hell bent
on destroying the car no matter what happened,
no matter what that athletic check was?
The role that should have happened was by the artificer
to do some sort of intelligence check
to confirm the assertion that they made.
Because again, yes and for improv,
but in a rules-based game,
if you claim to know something that the DM has given you
and that it just isn't true in the world,
there's a way to check.
Yeah.
It seems like at no point,
anyone was just like, oh yeah,
the artificer said this was true.
Does it feel like at any point the DM should have called for some kind of check?
Like, is that unfair of the DM to just be like,
I'm just gonna let them do every single step of this plan
that I know will result in the car being destroyed?
Do you think, yeah, was this just like a long con
by the DM to destroy this car?
Did the DM maybe build a car that was OP
and they realized, oh shit,
I gotta get rid of this thing fast.
Otherwise they're just gonna be driving everywhere
and just like totally skipping quests.
It sounds like the DM gave them the car
and then as soon as they were like,
let's try to push it off a cliff,
the DM sat smugly and was like,
this will be funny.
I'm gonna let them do this because they're being dumb.
I don't think the DM was being fair,
but they did do the funniest thing possible.
And I do respect that.
You simply must.
Yeah, I think that's delightful.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, to me it sounds like you two justices
are kind of in it for the lulz.
Is that fair to say?
No.
You're not in it for the lulz?
No, I'm so serious.
You're not in it for the lulz? No, I'm so serious.
You have lost a lot of blood from that Oda.
She's been bleeding the whole time.
There is a chance that like, I don't know if they've played any more sessions since then,
but there might be a chance that like the DM next session is going to be like,
oh, and then you go to inspect it and there's a car dealership right next to the cliff
and you just get a new car.
So it's kind of like, this was like a little goof
but then they're going to like give them something
at the end, cause they all had their fun.
They all had their epic lulls.
At the very least, it feels like the shit's rolling downhill.
The DM is like, this is your fault
for pushing the car off the cliff.
The other players who did the convincing are like,
well, you're the one that actually pushed it.
So you're the dumbest of all.
I do feel like to Nathan's point,
we are maybe missing some crucial information
about what the artificer.
Impossible, I think we have everything.
It's all in the email.
It's all in the deposition.
No more evidence required.
There's maybe some omitted information
about what the artificer searched for,
what the artificer said,
what the artificer did roll for,
if there were rolls at all.
Listen, everyone got really excited
about pushing the car off a cliff.
And like, who is to blame them?
Who among us?
Imagine just hearing,
like there's bronze things
that look like flames on the side.
Got it, wings.
Those are wings.
Say no more. I've never seen anything on the side. Got it, wings. Those are wings. Say no more.
I've never seen anything on the side of a car.
This is a plane.
I know what a plane looks like.
I know what a car looks like.
Did y'all have that thing in high school
where you would get like an old junker car
and like beat it up and everyone could like pay a dollar
and you would just like hit it with a sledgehammer?
Oh, yeah.
We did not.
We did not.
I can't say that.
You grew up in Texas and you're telling me
you never beat up a car for money?
I grew up in a large city in Texas
and I went to art high school.
No, I've never beat up a car for money.
Not even as part of a art project?
No.
You didn't beat up anything?
You never used a sledgehammer at all?
On cars.
I remember that level.
It was a street fighter.
Right, yeah.
The most fun thing, you just had to punch the shit
out of a car until it broke down.
Yeah, and that was a spirit week activity
for Riu's high school.
Yeah, I do like vaguely,
we never did anything like that,
but I feel like I remember hearing
that other towns had that.
Like I remember being at a party and being like,
why doesn't my town have something that cool?
Yeah, the car that we beat up.
I remember at high school, they like towed in a car
that had gotten into a car wreck
to discourage people from drinking and driving.
They're like, this is what happens when you drink and drive.
Right. Now let's beat up this car.
Everyone forgot the lesson.
So what I'm saying is like,
I think everyone's missing the point here, which is that like,
this is a very good, like bonding moment.
Yeah. You all beat up a car together and you learned a lesson.
And then you got to listen to Taylor Swift,
which like sounds like a great day to me, honestly.
Yeah.
Like listening to this story, I'm like, okay, yeah.
It sucks that you lost your car
that you misidentified as a plane.
But this just reads like any discord group chat.
Yeah.
And I think it's really cute.
Yeah.
I think it's adorable.
Nothing has gone that wrong here.
Yeah. But the only thing I find issue with is the blame going to one person. And I think it's really cute. I think it's adorable. I think it has gone that wrong here.
But the only thing I find issue with
is the blame going to one person.
Oh, absolutely.
I think it should be shared.
My suggestion, my humble suggestion
is that we punish this alchemist,
who I feel like is leading,
they're the ringleader against the player.
I feel bad about singling out the alchemist
because I do think that the DM,
I think the DM gave the, are you sure signal
to try and stop this from happening?
But then everyone was just like, push the car,
push the car, push the car.
Was there a chant?
You have to write in and let us know
if there was a chant.
I have to imagine there was.
It's really hard to go against the chant.
It's really hard.
So I think my thought here,
and I want to know if y'all all agree,
is that we should punish all the players
to put on a pancake dinner at their school.
Oh.
A pancake dinner?
Wait.
That was the other thing that you did here.
Yeah.
At your rad high school.
You know that, you don't have spirit weeks
at your high school?
No, we didn't.
High school had a spaghetti night.
We had a spaghetti dinner too.
All right, we can make it a spaghetti dinner.
Did they make the pasta in a trash can?
They did not do that.
Pasta in a trash can?
I love Texas Public School.
You said you went to fucking a big city school.
It was still a public school.
Yeah, wow.
Trash can pasta?
Yippee.
Wait, now his car beat up thing
is sounds way more normal than now.
Yeah, I'm normal now.
Okay, so there's one station for beating up the car,
one station for pancakes,
and one station for the trash can pasta.
Well that's gonna be a problem
because everyone's gonna be beelighting
toward trash can spaghetti.
I literally can't think of one weird thing
that my school did.
Really?
It was so normal.
It was Connecticut.
There's not.
That's true.
We need one more station.
What's the weirdest thing you can put on the table?
Did you guys like paint boat shoes or anything like that?
Paint boat shoes.
Yes, now that I remember.
Now I remember we all had not spirit week, but Sperry week.
Everybody painted their Sperry in different colors.
And we would do jigs across the courtyard.
All right, so let's sentence all the players
to a spirit week where you're gonna continue this bond in.
We're gonna paint your shoes,
you're gonna eat pasta out of a trash can.
And you'll beat up a car.
I have to ask, they weren't like boiling the spaghetti in the trash can, were they? I think they were just storing them in the trash can and you'll beat up a car. I have to ask, they weren't like boiling the spaghetti
in the trash can, were they?
I think they were just storing them in the trash can.
I was imagining a big tin trash can,
but was it like a plastic one?
I'm pretty sure it was a tin one.
So ordered.
Gaza FISA writes to the invaluable arbiters of justice, the the case of the squandered skill checks.
May it please the court.
I am in an online game with several friends.
My character is a Bard Warlock multiclass who I built to be strong in intelligence as well
as his primary ability, current intelligence.
I am a bard warlock, a bard warlock, a bard warlock, a bard warlock, a bard warlock, a
bard warlock, a bard warlock, a bard warlock, a bard warlock several friends. My character is a Bard Warlock,
multi-class who I built to be strong in intelligence
as well as his primary ability, charisma, of course.
As part of this build,
I put expertise in investigation checks,
giving me a plus eight in that skill.
However, my DM insists on having me roll perception checks,
never investigation.
I am aware that the line between perception
and investigation can be murky and will grant
that when getting the lay of the land
in the new dungeon room, perception is the way to go.
But even when inspecting for traps
and searching through rubble to see what I can find,
she only lets me roll perception.
Am I in the wrong and feeling like my investigation
expertise is being wasted?
Do I have any recourse to tell my DM that she's wrong?
I'm just like bursting into the room,
I've got something you need to listen to.
This D&D podcast said that you're wrong.
Anyway, let's spend four hours together now.
They said you have to paint your shoes now.
Get to it. Hope you're ready for a
big serving of humble spaghetti. Here's a sledgehammer, take it to my corolla.
So my understanding of perception versus investigation without looking at any resources online
and just remembering this
from the crusty catacombs of my brain.
Off the dome.
Perception is what you see.
Investigation is how you see it, essentially.
You can do a perception check
and be like, there are footprints on the ground.
You do an investigation check to be like,
what size is the footprint?
What direction is the footprint going in?
So in theory, you could be able to stack them. to be like, what size is the footprint? What direction is the footprint going in? Is there a footprint?
Yeah.
You could be able to stack them.
If this DM makes you roll a perception,
and they're like, this is what you perceive,
and then you could say, oh, can I investigate?
Can I do an investigation check on that thing I perceive?
I don't think you always have to stack them,
but I do think they work well in tandem.
I think it's a peanut butter chocolate situation.
Uh-huh, yes.
You got investigation in my perception. they work well in tandem. I think it's a peanut butter chocolate situation. Yes.
You got investigation in my perception.
Two great tastes that taste great together.
Yum yum.
You know, there's gotta be someone in your party
with like a good wisdom score.
You know, you use them as the scout,
get the lay of the land, find the stuff,
and then once the stuff has been found, you investigate it.
You know, you find out whether the car has wings
or if they're just cool flames on the side.
That's right, are the wings or just bronze flames?
Yeah. Yeah.
When I picture the bronze fire,
I am picturing like that little Lego piece
that would go inside the dragon's mouth.
Yep, yep, yep.
Yeah, exactly that, like,
which does not look like a wing at all.
But I probably in my time have put those on the side
of a little Lego car and been like, yeah, it's flying.
Yeah, oh, for sure, it's true. Yeah, When you see like a flame that long, you're like,
that would probably propel something to fly. Yeah. Yeah. We're going back to this case.
You know, the art advisor has a point. Let's sentence the DM after all. He's going in the
spaghetti. I wonder if this is a really dumb question, but do you think this person keeps
on saying,
can I look at that instead of can I investigate that?
Like if you say, can I investigate this?
And the DM's like, sure, roll perception.
Is that not like, they have to be doing it on purpose.
It feels like maybe they know
that you're really good at investigating.
Oh, you're like trying to kneecap them a little bit
by making them use their bad scores.
I get that sense.
I get that sense.
That's what I was feeling.
Yeah. It's just, it's unfortunate because like this is how things should work is you've got your
Watson, you've got your Holmes. Like Sherlock Holmes, he has like an intellectual mind and he
can like figure things out. Like once he's kind of pointed in the right direction.
Yeah.
I feel like with Sherlock Holmes, like he's dumb about certain things and like that's where
Watson steps in, but you need someone who can like do the initial perception
and then like make you kind of,
give you the area where you need to investigate.
So I do think that the DM is being
maybe unnecessarily petty here.
Yeah, it also is like, if you make your whole ass character
to be good at intelligence and charisma,
this is what it's for.
What are you doing during battle, you know?
Yeah.
Eldritch blasting because of this really good multiclass.
That's a really smart combining bard and warlock
so that you can use your social skill
also as your spell casting modifier.
Damn, you're perceptive.
Maybe they're Eldritch blasting too well
and that's making the DM mad.
So they're taking it out on them
in these social investigation parts. Does it feel like the DM is, so they're taking it out on them in these social investigation parts.
Does it feel like the DM is indeed wrong here
as this person says?
Karina, I wanna bring it up to you
because I know that you're also a great ace attorney fan.
What is great ace attorney?
Great ace attorney is a video game
where you play as a lawyer during-
Holy shit, this sounds amazing.
A video game where you can be a lawyer. Hang on, not just any lawyer.
It gets better, it gets better.
A lawyer during the Victorian England period.
Oh my God.
That's right.
Victorian England.
So you're just like looking at land deeds.
There is an entire case that revolves around
you investigating a landlord and his shoddy practices.
So yes. So yeah.
Complicated.
What are the controls have you do in that game?
Read.
This is incredible.
One may say investigate and perceive.
Interesting.
You're looking around a room, you're perceiving things
and then you're investigating them afterwards.
I think it's gotta be the tandem approach for me.
And the fact that the DM-
That's why they call you Caldwell Tandem.
There is a Sherlock Holmes analog in this game.
I believe his name is Herlock Sholmes.
Yeah.
It's a work of high art.
Perfect.
Anyway, so we're just talking about Ace Attorney now, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is why I invited you here.
Yeah, you know. What would ace attorney say about this case?
Well, here's the thing.
In Apollo Justice, the fourth ace attorney game.
Here we fucking go.
Your special ability is to perceive.
Oh!
Where in Apollo Justice, titular short lawyer,
just his eyes kind of bug out
and he just looks really closely at someone
and they move in slow motion.
Yes.
That's awesome.
Yeah, so I think that's what they should do
anytime they're asked to perceive.
And this is to say nothing of Miles Edgeworth investigations.
Exactly.
Which is right in the fucking title.
Different game.
Different game.
But you know what?
I never played that one.
Me neither, they look pretty good.
But I'm sure it's a different, I forget the saying,
horse of a different color.
Horse of a different color, yeah,
which you would know by perceiving,
but you wouldn't know why they were a different color
unless you investigated, I guess, their DNA.
Yeah, what are you doing, horse breeder?
Why is this horse blue?
This is me as Apollo Justice with my big eyes
being like, horse breeder.
A horse breeder.
This horse is the different color. Wait a minute, what's that being like horse breeder. A horse breeder. This horse is the different color.
Wait a minute, what's that on the horse breeder's face?
Is that a fleck of paint?
Ah, this isn't breeding at all.
He's painting them.
You're finding loose horses and painting them.
I feel like I have to throw the book at the DM here
because I think they're not allowing
for the full spectrum of ability
checks that can and should be utilized.
Yeah. And it sounds like maybe they're shying away from you investigating things too good
and having to tip their hand.
So should we punish this DM to paint a horse to play this? I'm sorry, but insanely boring
sound in video games. No, they're not allowed to play it,
they just have to listen to me and Karina describe it.
Right, okay, that's good.
Really confusingly, honestly.
The sentence is for you and Karina
to make a two hour long YouTube video
deep dive into the Ace Attorney series
and they have to watch it.
Oh, and you know what the video should be?
It should be like the still image
is you guys talking into a microphone,
but then when you click play,
it's not even a video of that, it's just an image.
It's just a photo.
I think that's one of my least favorite things
to watch on YouTube.
When I think it's a video, then I click
and it's a still image and I just have to listen.
No thank you.
I do have an alternative idea for a punishment.
Oh please.
Which is just to just add Sherlock Holmes to the campaign.
Oh. Oh, to like out investigate you?
Yeah.
Fine, I can investigate.
Can Sherlock Holmes do it then?
Would you let Holmes do it?
That's actually like a really good idea for the DM
is to like introduce a Moriarty
and like let this become more of like
an investigation based campaign.
But the DM doesn't want to do that.
A what?
A Moriarty?
Moriarty, that's Sherlock Holmes' foe.
That's from literature, dude.
That's not even from Ace Attorney.
That's just another thing you don't know about, loser.
I do like how many of these punishments are just me
going over to someone's house and info dumping.
Hi.
Objection. Coldwell tandem, ready to give you your punishment.
Okay, so ordered.
Hey there, NAD Polls.
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And our next case comes from Brandon M.
Brandon writes, intro no more 2024,
high sweet blue hole.
That's for you guys.
Very lovely.
Caldwell.
Extremely lovely.
My friends and I, a party of five,
have been playing in a campaign for a bit shy of a year now,
and we have only been knocked unconscious twice.
Not the whole party has been KO'd twice,
rather we have had two players each go down a single time
in the last 10 months of weekly sessions.
A little braggy, but okay.
Yeah, once kind of early on in a boss fight
and another recently in a fight that we instigated.
My only problem with this is that I made a damn good healer, but I almost never use my spell slots for healing. My wildfire
druid life cleric lizard folk is relegated to fireball and scorching raid duty. Our DM has
reached out to us a month or two ago asking how the campaign is going via anonymous survey,
and most of us asked for harder combat, but we remain standing on the battlefield. Nary a KO in sight.
Justices, I ask, is it wrong for me to want to be put
through the healer ringer, frantically saving my friends,
or should our DM do what he seemingly fears most
and kill his friends?
I masochistically await your judgment.
This is always a weird thing about D&D,
where like people are gluttons for punishment.
They want it.
They want it bad.
It's a high wire because you're like, kick my ass.
Don't kick it that hard.
I've been in this exact position where I've played in D&D campaigns
and at the end of a session been like, that was great.
You know what?
You could have made it a little harder.
And I think it's a fair note to give because I think like DMs, they crave that balance.
We crave it above all else.
We want like the epic highs and lows
of American football.
And I think that, you know, so a DM is like not,
I don't know this DM, but like most DMs are not opposed
to hearing that advice.
Right, but this DM seemingly heard it
and didn't do anything about it.
Maybe they just need to put the boot on the throat
a little harder.
It does seem like everybody wants this.
So I do think that like,
it is unfortunately a clear cut case
where the DM is wrong and the DM needs to step it up
and kill their friends.
Stop being a little wiener about it.
Go on.
Just put a Tarasque's claw through your friend's neck.
Yeah.
I wonder if you could just like almost do it in role play.
You know, you're in a fight and you're like,
is that all you got?
Ooh, okay.
Start taunting them a little bit.
Hit me, hit me coward.
Kick my ass.
Please.
Then it starts to sound a little creepy.
Crush me.
Step on me.
You're making direct eye contact.
Yeah.
So you could definitely freak your DM out doing that.
Mm-hmm.
I guess there's, I mean, if this is just how the campaign's
gonna be, you could also just like try and find more social
uses for your healing.
Like whenever you go to a new town, you're like,
I seek out like the people that are ailing.
Like I cure wounds, the folks that like-
What if you start healing your foes? So the people that are ailing, like Ikeura Wu is the folks that like- What if you start healing your foes?
So the people on his ass are like,
wow, we're kicking these guys' ass so hard.
I think I'm gonna heal him because-
Then you can get more friends.
Oh, fucking Goku style,
you just flip a Sinsoobin to cell?
Exactly, I would say you flip a Susubu to cell.
Yeah.
Jake, you get it.
Yeah.
Goku style.
That's such a nice sentiment
and a much better thing than I was gonna say.
What were you gonna say?
Start killing your friends yourself.
Oh, just, yeah.
Go to PVP.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's kinda cool too.
Use those spell slots to like,
poison them, I don't know.
Right, well you spend one round hurting them
and the next round healing them.
Yeah, you do it in secret and then you heal them
and it creates this dynamic, very, ooh.
No, Corinne is right, you need to become a serial killer.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, yeah.
That's fascinating.
Don't heal your foes, hurt your friends.
Nathan, what would you do in this situation?
Well, yeah, I mean, they mention in the question
that the only time besides a boss fight
that someone went down was a fight they instigated.
I think you just gotta instigate more fights.
Right. Okay.
I think you gotta stop playing it safe.
It's like you have the tools in your hand
as the player at any moment
to put yourself in more danger than you're in.
Yeah, so if you're in. And it's like-
If you're in a bar fight in a tavern,
you're like, okay, I'm also gonna shove the piano player
and the bar cube.
Just kinda get them to get into the melee.
I'm gonna call the town guard on myself.
Yeah.
There's a crazy person at this bar fight.
It's me.
You need to stop him.
Just imagine being outside of the final boss's chamber
and then just like going to a McDonald's
and flipping over some tables.
Yeah.
The McDonald's tables are screwed into the ground
for that reason.
So you're gonna have to be really strong about it.
Yeah.
Well, you've got fire spells.
I've been trying to like flip tables at McDonald's
for a long time.
They, yeah, the chairs and the tables
are all kind of like fastened to the ground.
What's your strategy?
Do you normally like bring like a screwdriver? Well, the best thing you could do is fill of fastened to the ground. What's your strategy? Do you normally bring like a screwdriver?
Well, the best thing you can do
is fill up a big tray of drinks,
you flip that around.
There's stuff that isn't attached,
the ketchup, the mustard, et cetera, et cetera.
You can throw a lot of stuff at McDonald's.
You can go into the ball pit,
you can toss all of the balls out of the ball pit.
One by one.
That's good.
One by one.
Yeah.
Wow.
A really good way to protest stuff. That's good. One by one. Yeah. Wow. A really good way to protest stuff.
That's me.
How many McDonald's Play Plays balls
do you think you could walk out of McDonald's with
before they said something?
Ooh, I think you only get one trip.
Cause I think if you're in there.
So here's what-
Going back and forth.
I think 125.
Okay.
That's so many.
Well, cause I'll tell you what I'm doing.
I'm tucking my pants into my socks
and my shirt into my pants.
Great, okay.
And I'm filling my pants with the balls
and I'm filling my shirt with the balls.
And then I'm taking my hat off.
I could probably fit.
Oh, you know what?
I probably wouldn't do hat.
I would do arms.
Like long sleeve sweatshirt, like baggy sweatshirt.
That's a good idea.
Oh, and a hoodie.
So you have more in the back of the hoodie
and then in the hat,
and then a few more in the hat.
And I guess, are you bringing your daughter
to the play place as kind of like a cover,
as kind of like a smoke screen?
Yeah, I'm gonna sit her, she's crawling around now,
so I sit her kind of loose in the main cafeteria area.
Great.
People are saying, who is this girl's father?
Whose baby is this?
Yeah, just a bunch of concerned citizens.
Yeah, yeah.
And then there's kind of, that's a really good distraction.
Yeah.
And I'm me, and I'm hamburgling away
all of the balls from the ball pit.
So you think like 125 is how many you can get on your person.
Karina, how many do you think that you could get
and do you have another strategy in mind?
I was gonna use the same strategy,
but also swallow a bunch.
Wow!
How many do you think you could swallow?
Like at least an extra 50.
50?
50?
Are you crinkling them down first?
Yeah.
Suck the air out of them.
That would be such a good strategy.
Yeah.
If we did this as a competition,
and I got all my balls out
and I just saw you walk in and start crushing them,
I would be like, I would,
I would throw my hands up in disgust
and just walk away knowing that I was deep.
Greta pulls out like a miniature bicycle pump
and just starts going, she's deflating.
You're not allowed to deflate, are you?
There's something in the rules that says you can't deflate.
There has to be, where's the rule book?
I'm looking for it.
Where's the rule book of stealing ball pit balls
from McDonald's, sir?
While they argue about it, I get 50 more.
You're just yelling at Grimace about this?
He's the judge.
You're not the only one grimacing.
I'm also upset.
Nathan, what about you?
Shop vac or what?
Oh yeah, shop vac.
What's the case that we're trying to get?
Yeah.
Oh God, it's gone.
I literally forgot.
But yeah, talk to me about the ball pit balls.
I mean, I probably, I see Karina,
cause I'm going last, right?
So I see Karina crushing the balls and eating them.
And so that gives me the confidence to try that myself,
but I do not have as high a constitution score as Karina.
I do overdo it and pass out.
I don't make it out of the story.
I'm just on the ground.
They do need to call the paramedics.
And then that's when I come in dressed
as the ball pit inspector.
Oh. With a persuasion check or a performance check, And then that's when I come in dressed as the ball pit inspector. Oh, yeah.
With a persuasion check or a performance check,
just walking in with a lot of confidence, hat, collar, shirt.
All these balls out of your mouth.
They gotta go.
They gotta go.
It's a biohazard.
Yeah.
Oh, if you just have a biohazard suit.
Oh, you can fit so many balls in there.
I like this roundabout approach because you were already dressed up as Grimace.
From the ball bearing of the McDonald's mascot.
Grimace in a biohazard suit?
Oh yeah, you were really shit.
Remove the mask of the biohazard suit and it's Grimace.
Oh, he's gotta go.
Cause who do you trust to fix this ball pan fiasco
but Grimace?
Yeah, it's true.
And like, he was rewarded for his birthday,
but he's got so much more potential.
Okay, so this DM is not going hard enough on the players.
I remember the case now.
Yeah.
I guess it's on the DM,
but you did everything you could do
by giving the feedback already.
I do, I mean, I love everyone's approach
of taking it into your own hands a little bit.
So we've given you some suggestions
and the person that does need to be punished
is the DM because they asked for the feedback, They were given the feedback. Yeah. They're
actually not not doing it. So maybe punish your DM by kind of experimenting with PVP
or healing your enemies, whichever you prefer. Yeah, right. We're asking them to go to the
McDonald's ball pit as many balls as challenge them. Yes. Challenge them. Challenge your DM.
Yeah, there's no, I don't think there's any way
to make a DM wanna kill you more
than just being annoying to them.
So I think it's possible that you're just not annoying
enough of a part.
That's true.
You need to be taking their mental ball pit balls.
Yes.
Okay, so ordered.
And actually, so now is when we would usually
step into church and hear a confession to Dice Christ.
But Caldwell told me that you guys were
Yu-Gi-Oh and Magic the Gathering experts.
Yeah.
So I sourced some cases for those games.
And these are just confessions, right?
This is somebody, I guess, complaining about something. I literally don't know what any of this means.
Complaining about a trading card game?
On the internet?
I'll read you this message that I got.
You guys can tell me if it's a confession or a case
or somebody's just venting.
Something about the meta.
This is from Deadstar1146.
If you want a Yu-Gi-Oh one, my two brothers and I,
and one of our friends were doing a four way duel,
and I played the Roid deck.
I knocked out our friend and I summoned a monster
with 4,000 ATK points, but using the spell card Power Bond,
I could fusion summon the 4,000 ATK monster,
but it doubles its ATK to 8,000.
But the end of my turn, I take 4,000 life point damage
and the monster can attack twice
and I can't attack directly.
So I attacked my twin and attacked my older brother's
defense position monster and ended my turn, resulting
in my older brother winning the duel.
My twin was mad while everyone else thought
it was hilarious.
Was I wrong to defeat three players, including
myself for humor?
I await your justice.
What did I just say?
No, that's awesome. I like that.
You understood that.
Yeah. Wow.
Look, power bond is like the funniest thing
when done wrong.
I played a lot of UEOGX era, like video game duel stuff.
And that's one of the main strats in there
for one of the characters.
And half the time the computer can't play it right
and it's literally the funniest thing every time.
So I'm really glad that the age old tradition
of just power bonding yourself to death
and taking as many casualties with you as you can
is alive and well.
And I love that.
That's beautiful.
Okay, I know I understand this.
I do think it's often funny to sacrifice yourself
and fuck over a game for two people.
Yes.
Definitely, if it's your brother.
Yeah. Awesome.
Absolutely.
I love a group game where I'm losing anyway
and I can just take some people out.
Yeah.
So Powerbond, it does kind of like,
if you die, everyone dies, everyone takes the damage.
So what was described is, so he had a monster.
And-
And a monster is like a scary creature?
Yeah. Okay.
Okay, so the roid deck, they are little cars.
Imagine the little Volkswagen Beetles.
Okay.
Roid is a car?
Yeah, like steam roid.
Yeah, oh, I see.
Airplane Royd.
Like Steam Royd.
Can a fly?
Yeah, can a fly?
Does it have bronze flames on the side?
Oh, I got great news.
So it's a fusion based deck and Power Bond is a fusion card.
So it acts to like do a fusion monster,
but as long as it's machine type or something,
it'll double the attack points
and like really trick out your monster for the turn.
And so you just have this super strong monster.
And if it has the ability to attack twice,
you can just like destroy your brothers.
And then at the end of the turn,
the monster gets destroyed and you take the damage
of its original attack points, I think.
I really like your ruling here, which is that this is awesome and it rules and we love it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you, excuse me if I'm wrong, but are you doing it for the lulz?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. No. No. No but I would really appreciate it if you took me seriously.
That was the second time I got the lulz wrong.
Bailiff Hurwitz.
That was not lovely, sir.
Yeah.
Sorry, I was doing it for the lulz.
I think you should,
I judge that you should punish your brothers more.
Yeah, this move was great, do it again.
Yeah, do it every time, actually.
Do it again.
Yeah.
And Nathan, do you have a takeaway from this?
I mean, I don't play Yu-Gi-Oh, but I do play Magic.
The format I play is Commander,
which is a four player format.
And oftentimes, the best thing you can do
for everyone's sake is end the game.
Even if you don't win,
if you can end the game on your terms,
that is a victory in and of itself.
So petty, I love it.
And so this sounds like I've done this before.
And it's great because what you've done
is you've allowed the game to end.
You've done something memorable and silly,
and now you can play another.
You can go again and pissing off your brother,
that's just like, that's icing on the cake.
That's gravy.
Also the older brother one, like as an older brother myself,
sometimes we need that.
Yes, sometimes we really need that.
Right, mom and dad are putting a lot of pressure on you.
It's younger siblings just take and take.
Yeah.
You don't realize how easy you had her.
It was just me, mom and dad.
I missed that.
Just looking at a picture of you three at Disneyland
before the rest of them showed up.
Yeah, I can't even remember this asshole.
I am picturing this taking place
in like an actual episode of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime
and hearing Yu-Gi-Oh! be like,
ah, if I pull off this move, we can all eat lunch early. So Yu-Gi-Oh! was a guy? Yu-Gi-Oh be like, ah, if I pull off this move, we can all eat lunch early.
So Yu-Gi-Oh was a guy?
Yu-Gi-Oh was a guy.
I thought Yu-Gi-Oh was like the whole entire game.
The game is Doom Monsters.
Yeah.
And that's actually just-
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Um.
Ow.
The screen is flattening.
I do think you need-
Oh my God.
You're not gonna say anything?
Sometimes we need to give punishments to each other.
You didn't know Yu-Gi-Oh.
Was this a case or a confession?
They ended by saying, was I right to do something for humor?
Yes.
And they were right.
We've agreed.
And they're forgiven.
This feels more like a confession, yeah.
We need to punish the, oh, it is a confession, okay.
No, it's a confession, but we can punish them.
Oh, for sure, yeah.
We need to punish the brother who got mad.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, okay.
So, what's the punishment for somebody that already,
you're punished for getting upset that you were wrong.
I say the punishment is watch all of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
so you can appreciate the added level of humor
of destroying your brother using your roid deck.
Is Yu-Gi-Oh! GX the one where they're dueling on motorcycles?
No, that's five Ds.
Okay, shit.
All right.
Ow!
She slapped too.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, I haven't slapped Nathan
because I've completely Yu-Gi-Oh! pilled him. Notice how I haven't slapped Nathan because I've completely UVO-pilled him.
Notice how I'm saying the answers a long order.
Yeah.
To avoid the slaps.
He's very good.
Yeah, you guys said that like two perfectly fused Roy's.
Okay, so order, so forgiven.
And with that, do you guys have anything
that you would like to plug?
Ooh. Watch Drawfee on YouTube, please. guys have anything that you would like to plug? Ooh.
Watch Drawfee on YouTube, please.
And that's that little YouTube show.
That's a little YouTube show.
How's your little show?
Microscopic, really.
How's that tiny little thing you guys do?
I'm in little in a fun way.
It's so small.
Please.
Yeah, check it out for yourselves
and see how small it is.
Like a tiny card with high attack.
What's the URL?
It's youtube.com slash Drawfee.
Slash Drawfee.
Yeah, that's how YouTube URLs work still.
I believe so, yeah.
Is there a Patreon?
You don't even know.
You didn't come prepared to plug this.
It's just Drawfee.
And yeah, patreon.com slash Drawfee as well.
Oh yeah. If you wanna support us, I know, I mean, a lot of people listening to this show It's just Drawfee. And yeah, patreon.com slash Drawfee as well.
If you wanna support us, I know, I mean,
a lot of people listening to this show
are very familiar with Patreon and how that works.
So why not add another one?
Yeah, if you're on Patreon,
you can just kind of like control click.
I think there's a search function.
Yeah, for sure.
Incredible.
They're doing amazing things online these days.
Yeah, the internet?
The internet, it's absurd.
You can search it?
Yeah, just Bing Drawfee
and you guys can find everything you need.
Just ask Jeeves.
Yeah, ask Jeeves about Drawfee's Patreon.
Use your expertise and investigation to find Drawfee.
Ah-ha, and then add another Patreon to your deck.
He's a good guy.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Ow! Nathan! deck. Yeah dude. It just looks so fun. It is and if you are still just hungry for media you can check us out on social media. If you want to consume more media
you can check us out on the media. Also, we have social media. We have our own Patreon. Mm-hmm.
Patreon.com slash nadpod.
Do not sing yet.
You can find me, I'm at Caldy.
Jake is at Hurwitz.
What are y'all socials?
It's gonna be at Nathan Yaffe.
At at Nathan Yaffe.
At Nathan Yaffe.
And at Dilphosaur.
Dilphosaur.
Dilphosaur.
Yeah.
Great.
Great.
We're gonna be trying some more cases over on our Patreon,
which is patreon.com slash nadpod.
And if you want to tweet about the show, use hashtag nadpod.
That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.
Here we go.
We are, we are, the youth of the nation.
We are, we are, the youth of the nation.
We're doing that without Emily and Murph, for sure.
Dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin,dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d Lord of the Fjord, you see. Later McSkater, Matt M. Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G,
Dungeon Mama, back and more sexual than ever.
Danielle, the dastardly dame.
Beardman Dan, Danny P.
Bryant, the very worst DM.
Disagree, Bryant, I'm sure you're great.
Victor T. AKA Balnor's Boy.
Hoyt's Friend.
Justin I.
Danny Danster.
TJ M.
Trey-Lay the Cray.
Disillaneous.
Christopher B.
Damiel R.
Jordan L.
Cyborg version of Josh the Cobold.
Targot.
Stevie Wags.
Hellish Rebukeer, PhD.
All pulp, no juice.
Princess Yar.
Jory S. Jack L.
Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia,
now starring in the Iron Deep production, Asquire, Never Tires.
Samuel B. Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus.quire, never tires. Samuel B.
Mike H.
Alka Smeltzer Plus.
Great Value Gemma.
Adam G.
Tyler F.
Knee Badger.
Panama James.
Heradrian.
Carboro Chapel Hill F.P.V.
Rex Daniel.
The White.
Diana De La Lopez.
Cici Lulu,
Hercule Poirot,
The Rabbit Folk Detective,
Timmy R,
Rayco,
Calder Comes Cold,
Shout Out To The Cold Come Companions,
Frosty Facial,
Taylor B, The Vengeful One-Winged Angel,
Cass, Skateboard, Cass,
Steven, Speeds Into Seasons Of Sneezin', C, Mike K, Lady
Taco and Team Incredulity, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Ananarama,
Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klosowski de Rolo III
Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe
and their Piranha Princess
Amanda Slurp
The Sandrayan
Ben A
Dave H
Christian S
Showing Sweet Blue Hole
Dustin S
Danny F
Hawkeye Pierce Bookfars Assistant Izzy F Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Selena N, AKA Velaesiraptor.
B, Perky, always.
Maxwell J.
Lauren H.
Serv 16.
The bone duster.
Annie, the Feywild therapist.
SkillfulFerret, insert fan art request here.
Ooh, I need to see Dr. Bunko.
That one's easy.
Thank you so much. Connor S. Salil. Weedgoku69 aka Gunk at 16, experimenting with drugs.
Bioquart7. Amber Dextrous. Sullivan H. Druuuuuub Hopdropper. Jack Hubert,
King of the Mole, people under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament.
Lindsay W.
Valen.
Carlin C.
Emily S.
Noah the Bullywog Boy, hashtag release the filthy guppy cut.
James G.
Everything Bago, the Aladdin, who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey.
Daddy Master Dandy.
Han.
Eric B.
Marcos.
Learns the balance druid.
Frida Im.
Tracy P. the Quick Elf Librarian.
Maggie S. See you in Chicago.
Saw you in Chicago.
Thanks for coming Maggie.
Holly Hyena.
Giovanni the Fighter.
Akash T. Doofinias, Russell H, a monk named
Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time, Cody C, Keychains, Pentium II, Processor,
Lorelei the succubus and Kyra her busty queen, Matt M, Your Friendly Neighborhood Yont and Yonkel, Andrew and Sid, John Adams,
the right-in candidate for 2024, Meg, the mail carrier manager of Bohemia, James F,
Jimmy A, M4L, Austin S, Wayfarer who now has to do something with the trolls. To get rid of them, turn to page 42.
To keep them, turn to page 69.
Shane C.
Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian, Welsh Lander,
Garrett G. aka One Big Curd, Mr. D, Ethan B.,
Havy the Half Orc, Renee the Monster Captain,
Box Clifton, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, Nathan B. Havy the Half-Orc. Renee the Monster Captain.
Box Clifton.
Olivia the Enchanting Bard.
And Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who are playing in Stick It to the Man, Down with the Monarchy.
Winterslade.
Riley S.
Fyco.
Garrett the Artificer.
Anthony the Raddest of Dudes.
Josh H
Kayla Bell
The Fairies say Om Nom Nom Nom Nom
Cantrip Dumbledore
The Bear Onesie Wearing Barbarian
Lexi H
MJ The BFG
Nodrog The Pass a Fist
Barbarian, Pass a Fist, I get it, I like it
Gino T
Mama Belle Tristan, the talentless hunk.
Leon Kumori, legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign.
Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander,
Linz W, Angel of Pamela the Forever Vindicated. Emma S. Red the Reforged Warforged. Pavu
Eskinoor the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. The Grinch tried to pump my
gas in Jersey so I put the car in reverse. A cat napping in a sunbeam, listening to a podcast. C Jam Hampton,
Shell B,
Kenna's second favorite sprite girl,
excited to see the dream team IRL in NYC at MSG
while dressing up like Sophia Lee.
Jackson R,
Blake H searching for a sweet blue hole
with his bestie Big Bev.
Claire and Cal, me my scatties, oh it's V.
Tommy W, Haley the Human, Megan Nash, the Big M.
Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House of Zudza,
Jake's Robin Shop, RIP Melchior the brave Leonin Warrior,
who even cares about the rest of
the party.
Benjamin A. Sacrificial Otaku, pen name for Callie's cousin, who discovered anime and
is trying to spread the word all over Bohemia.
Mikkel A. Josh Hole.
Form uh, um, form the other hooves and legs.
Froakie. Maple, the shy bookworm.
Ashley, Seth E.
Billy Batson, Tori the Draggoose,
son of Thomas the blind bisexual goose,
bicon and father of 69 Cygnets.
That's a real goose, you can look him up.
Michael Lyle S. II, Jacob, the purveyor of shenanigans Nova cry
Parcel Dex riddle well Hannah a
Ace dregs high lord of Pittsburgh brody are
Joshua F
Darius Davis Troy's mom
Vin diagram nurse Betty one for one GKC, Teehee, Teehee, Cadmilius the Consumed,
Hossinator, Bard of Holding, Clinton P, Cam the Frogman, Swag's dry cousin from Gladehome,
Dean, Jake, Bahumia's number one DIT, and of course, uncultured Corvid.
Woo!
That is all of our elders.
Thank you so, so much for your support.
It is always a pleasure getting to read your names aloud and shout your noble names throughout the kingdom.
If you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nadpod.
That is going to be it for us this week.
Thanks again for listening.
We'll see you again soon.
Farewell.
That was a hate gum podcast.