Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 234: Johannes Radebe
Episode Date: March 20, 2024It’s time for another fab-u-lous episode, and this week’s dream diner is everyone’s favourite ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ professional Johannes Radebe. Johannes is on tour with his new show ‘H...ouse of JoJo’ from 29 March. For dates and tickets visit johannes-live.com Follow Johannes on Twitter @jojo_radebe and Instagram @johannesradebe Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the chocolate cake of humour, crafting it into
the caterpillar of podcasts, dipping it in some melted chocolate of friendship. You got
yourself a Colin the Caterpillar podcast cake.
Congratulations Colin. You've made it. You've made it Colin. That's it gamble. My name is James A. Caster
We own a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week and ask them their favorite ever start a main course dessert
side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is
Johannes Radebe.
One of the, the, the dancers on Strictly.
Listen, I don't want to stop our, spoil our chances of getting more Strictly
dancers on this podcast. So I'm not going to say that anyone is the dance on
Strictly, but Johannes is the best one.
He is fantastic. We met him very briefly when we did the one show. We were on
the sofa with Johannes and Judy Murray, of course. And just loved meeting him. You're a huge fan of
Strictly. Like it was your lockdown was. Yeah. The last two series of Strictly, I'll confess,
I was late to the party, but now I'm the life and soul. Yes, you are, absolutely.
I absolutely love it.
You're its biggest-
I love Johannes on there.
You're its biggest supporter.
Yeah, I am the biggest supporter of Strictly.
That's why I'll never go on it
because then I wouldn't be able to watch it.
Yeah, that's true.
And I love watching it, love Johannes on it.
Well, you could watch it live every week.
No, it wouldn't be the same.
I think it'd be better, wouldn't it?
Not if you're dancing.
No, you'd be nervous.
I'd be nervous. Yeah
Yeah, he's fantastic. Can't wait to speak to him. I really can't wait
No idea what he likes to eat. No, so all the food choices are gonna be a surprise
Also very excited because Johannes is going on tour soon with House of Jojo
Yes, which we'll ask him more about that. Absolutely his new tour. We do have a secret ingredient James
You're gonna be you're gonna be gutted if you have to keep Johannes out.
Yeah, but this is why I've deliberately pushed for an ingredient I just don't think Johannes
is going to pick at all.
Yeah.
It's a back ref to a previous episode with Steve-O.
Yeah.
Sparkling Thames water.
Sparkling Thames water.
I'm pretty sure Johannes and Steve-O are not going to be peas in a pod.
No, I don't think they're in the same pod.
Yeah, so I'll be very surprised if Johannes picks sparkling Thames water. Sparkling water
is fine, but not sparkling Thames water. And I feel pretty good that I'm going to be able
to speak to Johannes for the whole of the menu here. We don't have to kick him out.
Absolutely. So without further ado, this is the off menu menu of Johannes Radebay.
Welcome Johannes to the dream restaurant.
Oh, thank you for having me.
Welcome Johannes Radebay to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.
Oh darlings, thank you for having me. I'm too excited man. Too excited.
Really? Yeah. We met you briefly on The One Show. We got to share the sofa with you on The One Show.
And Judy Murray. Shout out to Judy Murray. Absolutely loved that lady.
And yeah, I did tell you how much I love you and Strictly.
So I mean, it still blows my mind that a lad like you sits on a Saturday night and watches
Strictly come dancing.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Is it because of your girlfriend?
Tell me.
Or are you just a big fan?
Originally, in the lockdowns, she was watching it without me.
And I got drawn into it, and I got drawn into it because of you and John.
And I was like, I got invested in the story. I was like, oh, I want these guys to win so badly.
So I started watching it all the time.
I was like, I've been missing out.
And now, now I'm a fan.
See, that makes me so happy.
Great. And I met AJ from that series, AJ Doudou and she said that that series was hardcore
competitive, like everyone was really on it and focused and wanting to win.
And was it more so than other series?
Wow, when is it never competitive?
I know, I think, yeah, that's the thing.
That was quite special, isn't it?
And I think the whole country was at home watching.
And that's what made it even more special because I was like,
to the three couples that made it to the finals,
it was just sad that Asia did not, you know,
what happened to her happened.
But you can imagine, I should never admit this,
but I was kind of like, yay.
One down. I should never admit this, but I was kind of like, yay.
One down. You know what I mean?
Because I mean, it's true.
She's right when she said it is, it gets competitive
and you get to a point where you're like,
I thought it was just an entertainment show.
Yeah.
But yeah, it comes a time when you're just like,
I want to lift the glitter ball.
Yeah.
But I'm sure the dancers are always competitive,
but surely there's times where there's some celebrities who turn up,
who are just a bit like, nah, let's just have a laugh.
That's what happens in the first couple of weeks of the show.
They go, yeah.
And then you see the shift in their eyes,
and that's the most beautiful thing as a professional.
That's where you want them to walk.
I always say, you're here to win.
What are you here to do?
You know what I'm saying?
But I do think that once they get the taste of it
and they get started getting comfortable with the show,
then you see that competitive spirit.
Yeah.
They can start at the beginning just saying,
I've just always watched it.
I just want to be here.
Oh, it's so fun to just be here on Strictly.
And it's so nice.
And you do see the change.
You do. You do. I mean, I've been surprised by a couple of people. I was like,
I did not expect that from you, but okay, here we are. It's nice.
My favorite is when the celebrity is really bad and they're clearly hating it,
but the public keep them in for ages. Tony Adams limping on. Poor guy.
Every week. And you're going through going through like, for fuck's sake. Tony just wants
to be put out of his misery. It's come back the following week. What do you guys like?
Listen, it's hard. It looks really hard. It looks so difficult. Like I remember, yeah,
I did two days on the Great British Bake Off,
and it was absolute hell. Just two days?
Yeah. So I can only imagine what the first week of Strictly is like. So even the person going out
in week one, I think you've already endured more than I could possibly imagine.
I couldn't do it. You would never, you guys would never?
I couldn't. I think you'd look great in the gear.
Look, I look great in the gear.
Did you just call Adia's gear? Yeah, yeah.
In all the gear.
I think I'd look great in all the gear, but I would, I would, I would spoil it for everyone else.
Why is that?
I would, I would get so exhausted so quickly and I would not want to do it and I would start
moaning and complaining all the time. Whoever my dance partner was would be like, I can't
believe I've been saddled with the dud, with the one who's just whinging every single day
about it.
Oh, you won't believe what we have to do with it. You wouldn't be a problem at all. I just
think you both have such beautiful height that it would be a shame.
Well, that, that feels like it's a compliment, but then also you examine it and beautiful
height feels like it doesn't feel like a compliment.
Oh, Jehanne has beautiful height.
Thank you.
Listen, listen.
You may as well say you're both alive.
You were with Annie Taylor last time.
She had beautiful height.
She did.
And she's gorgeous.
Can we discuss that?
I mean, I used to look at this woman and think, do you know how gorgeous you are?
I don't think she was, you know, she was, she was aware of it.
I don't think she was.
No, I mean, she used to be a model.
I think she knows.
Nah, nah, nah.
I think she's just, she's your girl next door, isn't it?
She's a very nice person.
Not next door to me.
Very.
Not next door to her.
No, no.
Where are you from?
I bet her neighbors aren't listening to this.
I know, I know I couldn't do it because I did a salsa class with my wife once and 10
minutes in, I couldn't do it.
And I got really angry and told her that the instructor was getting it wrong and that's why I couldn't do it and I got really angry and told her that the instructor was
getting it wrong and that's why I couldn't do it. Oh, that is dangerous.
No, but with this one you would be surprised. It's the format I think that works, you know.
Oh, the format's great. Love to watch it. I would spoil it.
Who do you think, if Ed was on it with that attitude,
who would be the best professional to pair him with? You need a Karen. Yeah. Yeah. You definitely need a Karen. She'll
keep me in line. She definitely will. It was coming with Jade last time. Karen with Jade last time.
All right, I do. She's quite, she's quite straight and I love her.
She's, she's a grafter.
I think you would do so well with her.
She wouldn't have had to work as hard as she would with Jade.
Oh yeah.
If you're saying the saltatine is getting it wrong.
Can you imagine?
At 10 minutes of that, you should, you should give it a week.
Karen, you are getting this wrong.
I would say.
Karen, this is a mess.
No, think about it, gentlemen. Think this wrong, I would say. Karen, this is a mess.
No, think about it, gentlemen. Think about it, please.
Well, always.
But what I'm really excited about is catching your tour show, House of JoJo.
Yes, definitely.
I mean, I feel like the past two years doing Freedom and Freedom Unleashed
has really afforded me the opportunity to tell my story
and love and thrive doing that.
But yeah, House of Jojo, it's about others,
you know, that I can bring along with on this journey.
I'm not blinded to the fact that
there's not a lot of opportunities for dancers
to be a part of a production that represents them
and their stories.
And I think there's, you know,
there's quite special people out there like me
that I know has to work 10 times harder
to just be noticed or seen.
And that is what I want to open House of Georgia to.
I want to give others an opportunity.
And when I talk about others,
I talk about international talent as well, you know,
bringing people from outside and just say,
even if they do this once, you know, it's
it's setting a dream to somebody and just giving them an opportunity.
So that's why I was like, okay, you've done it.
What can you do different this time around?
Yeah.
And I want to do, I want to change the narrative for us in the industry.
I really do because I feel like this is the one place in the world where you can get to
do it and be applauded for it.
You don't find this theatre culture anywhere else in the world.
And yeah, Britain is, the UK is phenomenal for that. It really is.
How have you, so for something like this, when you're finding other dancers, are you contacting dancers who you already know and you already have in mind or you hold an audition? I hold auditions
I think it's it's lovely to be fair in that regard and people that can make it to the audition simply means that they want
To be there and they want to be part of the job
I just think you know, it's it it boils down to whether you have the passion and the talent for it
Yeah, what's been your hardest audition you've had to do yourself myself. I think it was back in the day Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
Oh.
And I came here to the UK to audition for it because I was working on a cruise ship at the time.
And I've been there for a while and I was looking for a breakthrough, you know,
when someone wants to do something different after seven years of being on at sea.
And I came here with the hope of obviously becoming part of this production, but I completely
missed the memo because I was like, okay, I'm here now, you know, where do I go? And
they're like, yeah, we need three leads, but it will be we need three white boys. And I
was like, I don't want to be part of an ensemble. Like I was at the point in my career where
I was just like, I don't want to be standing in the back.
You know, I've done it on the ships now.
Nobody gets to ever see what you do.
So I was just like, okay, this is, if I can't be lead by.
Yeah.
There's got to be a point where you say that.
No, I completely agree.
Yeah.
And I did think it was stupid of me to even, you know, to even think that because I was,
they said we can offer you a job,
but you'll be part of an ensemble.
And I was just like, no, you know,
I'm not gonna do that.
I'll wait for my turn.
Little did I know that that turn was gonna take
a couple of years, you know, but hey.
Worth the wait.
Worth the wait, worth the wait.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, well, that's, well, I mean, that's quite inspiring.
I think, yeah. Like most of us would just go, yeah, right. I just have a job.
Do you find your, your experience auditioning for things informs how you audition other people?
Do you always have that in the back of your mind of what it's like to audition for things?
Absolutely. And I always say kindness goes a long way. And also there's different times because when I was auditioning and that was the thing,
you know, there was not a lot of care towards how we feel and where that leaves you as a
dancer. You know, when you can't book jobs because of whatever reason, you don't meet
the criteria. I mean, they don't think about about that and I think that is something that I've been
very conscious of going forward you know me doing it now for others I'm like you
know people are at a point where now they do an audition and they walk out
and then they're not chosen they will say to you can I please have feedback
and I think it's important that you do reply to them and you say you know the
reason why I think you didn't you know the reason why you didn't get the job is
because you need to improve on ABCDE.
And this is how you should go about it.
Because most of the times people walk in and audition and people
go by and you never know what you did wrong.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And sometimes I think it's important that people know what it
is that they can work, you know, go back and work on and improve.
Um, try not to change.
Do you know, there's so many things that one could take away
from a feedback and, and it's true. things that one could take away from a feedback.
And it's true, that's what I do.
I really do. I think it's important.
Well, I'd like if there's anyone listening who ever goes to see me at a gig,
I don't want that.
No feedback.
No feedback from my gigs.
I think it's different from an audience rather than someone who's in charge of booking a show though, right?
Yeah.
When you do auditions for things, do you get feedback?
Yeah, they say you were the best.
We just don't, can't use you right now.
That's usually it.
And that comes through your agent, right?
Yeah, they say they absolutely loved you.
But they've had to go to a different direction.
Oh yeah, that's, I've, the amount of directions people are going in when I do auditions. It's
never towards me. Yeah. Yeah. People are all over the map. We decided to go with the direction of
a good actor. Yeah. Fair enough. I'm on the wrong bit of the compass. Yeah.
But here you are. Are you a food fan? Am I a foodie?
Yeah.
That's a good start.
No, like, you know, you know what it is?
I always just think to myself, I'm so busy today.
I could do without food.
If there was a pill to swallow and that sorts you out, I would be that person.
So we know what your start is going to be.
That I'm an African child, you know, and it's bad of me to say that because, you know, African children don't all do this, but I eat anything. And I think it was because of my bringing, I left
home at a very young age, you know, to go live with other people, obviously trying to pursue this
dancing thing. And wherever I found myself, I had to eat what those people were eating, you know? And that really told
me a valuable lesson to say that, you know, I'm not, it's not a thing, but you can't choose,
you know, when, when you've got a plate of food in front of you, you better eat and finish
it. That's just a sign of respect. So that has really prepared my, my palate for the
world. And like I said, I've traveled around,
so I've tasted food around the world.
I have, I've been lucky enough to do that.
That to me sounds like a foodie though.
Someone who will eat anything and will try to make it true.
But you still would rather have the food pill.
You still would rather have the pill.
You see what I mean and that's what I'm getting at.
We always start with still or sparkling water.
Still any other day because it's accessible.
Sparkling when I'm sitting down and having dinner, I like to treat myself, I always consider
it as a thing, you know, to drink sparkling water.
Well sparkling is strictly water, right?
Strictly come water.
Why do you say that? Because it's sparkling.
Yeah, everything's got to be sparkling. Oh, you say that.
Come on, it's glitter ball water. It's glitter ball water.
You reckon? It's black pool water.
No, listen, still, still, that's what I prefer. I've put you off the sparkling now.
I say it's glitter ball water.
What do you guys prefer?
Well, I think I'd go for still water, but I think if you want to go sparkling, go sparkling.
I think it's been a pretty even split on the podcast with guests.
Yeah.
A lot of them have, yeah, 50-50 still are sparkling.
Trying to think of other dancers we've had on the podcast. Moxie.
Yes. I don't know what Moxie chose. I remember Jordan Banjo choosing, well, he said he doesn't
drink water. He reminds him of spit. Yes. So Jordan Banjo for years was dancing, dancing,
dancing, but just drinking squash, like very high concentrated Robinson squash all the
time and not drinking water when dancing. He said he didn't have water until he was 18.
Yes. He didn't have water until he only had squash.
He never drunk normal water.
Is that possible?
Apparently so.
Apparently.
I'll tell you what, he's still got a beautiful height.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's got a beautiful height.
Jordan.
What's happening on the inside?
Nobody needs to be hydrated.
How can you be?
He's a mess on the inside.
Jordan Banger is the opposite of a Tardis.
He's actually very small. He's got bad height on the inside. be? Mass on the inside. Jordan Badger is the opposite of a Tardis. He's actually very small.
Like you got bad height on the inside.
He's short on the inside.
Yeah.
But very tall.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can't take you out anyway.
No, I can't.
No, there's no way.
And he's a performer and he's on stage.
Like, I mean, how do you?
He's doing backflips.
Because you must be swinging water all the time when you're training and rehearsing and all of that.
Yes, I am.
And then obviously when I finished that with Prosecco and Champagne.
You know what I mean?
But when I'm active, I consciously make that decision to read that.
You have to have it or else you'll fall.
Yeah.
What would Moxie choose, Benito?
Sparkling.
Spark...
There you go.
Yeah.
Straight away. Sparkling. She strikes me as somebody that would drink sparkling water.
Well, I think especially if you're a dancer, you're drinking still water all the time when
you're training because you can't drink sparkling water while you're training obviously. Why not?
Well, you'd be burping all the time wouldn't you? Imagine doing a backflip, you do a burp during it, you might do an ultra backflip. Go for the ceiling.
True, it's fine. But I mean, if you're in the competition a couple of weeks, I can burp, it's
fine. Yeah, if you did a very... I think I saw that once on Strictly. Well, I was going to say,
if you did a during Strictly, if you did a very obvious and need I say more stinky burp
that wafted towards the judges. Where is this? On the dance floor?
A. On the dance floor. You're dancing with the celeb.
N. You're hoping the burp lands in Debec's face because that's a 10 anyway.
A. They smell the burp. They know you've done the burp. They've seen you do the burp. How
many points do you think they'd take off for the burp? Each judge? No, I mean, you're quite...
I mean, how far off would you have to be from,
for them to smell?
Do you never go right up to the judges table
and do a shimmy or something?
Sometimes you go right up to the judges.
No, sometimes you do, and that's true.
I'm just trying to think about it now.
Let me see. Oh, goodness.
So you're in their face shimmying and you burp.
Ew.
Obviously Craig is the worst person to burp in front of, or burp on, or Shirley.
So I think Moxie would laugh.
Yeah.
She would love it.
Standard.
She'd laugh.
Moxie would take a swig of spice and burp right back at you.
I mean, it would be sweet if you burped in Craig's face.
I mean, it's always for...
I'm so serious.
I think it will make him laugh. Do you know what I mean, it's always for his... I'm so serious. I think it will make him laugh.
Do you know what I mean?
I don't know how that will go down.
No, I've never thought about that.
You never thought about that?
We bring the tough questions on our menu.
Yeah, we ask the tough things.
But I don't think these points should be deducted for something as natural as burping.
But if it's a really big one though, massive, I'm still talking massive.
As long as you are not out of timing and you didn't mess up your choreography, I say burp along.
Do you know what I mean? As long as it doesn't affect your choreography, I shouldn't be taking off points.
Yeah, you would argue that on live television.
Oh definitely, what if it was just an artistic choice?
I met Craig recently. Oh, definitely. What if it was just an artistic choice?
I met Craig recently.
Oh yeah? Stop.
I was doing a... Well, wait till you hear this.
I was doing a live at the Apollo.
I was hosting an episode of Live at the Apollo.
Very nerve-racking moment for a comedian.
You want it to all go well.
We were the first one they were filming that night.
And then just before they said,
oh, we're filming something for a hundred years of the BBC
where Craig and some strictly people like invade
the stage at loads of different TV shows. So they're going out there first to do their
thing. And I was like, right. Did you and the audience know this? They went, no, we're
just going to do it. So they went out and did a dance. The audience sat there baffled
because they thought it was live at the Apollo. They come off and like, right, okay, just
get your head in the game. You've got to get this right now. You probably have a bit of
work to do at the top because they're a bit confused. And I just heard someone like, right, okay, just get your head in the game. You've got to get this right now. You probably have a bit of work to do at the top because they're a bit confused.
And I just heard someone go, yeah, we'll just do it one more time.
Three times they did that dance.
That was probably Matt Flint, yes.
And then I had to go out and sort of not mention it.
Oh, where was this?
This was at the Hamsmith Apollo.
Congratulations on that.
That's big.
Thank you very much.
One of the biggest gigs of a comedian's career, hosting like the Apollo.
And I had to work really hard at the top because everyone was initially baffled and then just
absolutely wowed by the dancing. And then I come out in, you know, t-shirt and jeans.
And then to watch the same dance free time.
I'm sorry about that. Oh no, it was lovely to watch.
Strictly must be everywhere.
Isn't it?
Yeah.
Even, even infiltrating the comedy shows.
No, it's a sign.
You must use that as an omen.
Yeah, sure.
They like just stop oil.
They just turn it up.
I mean, as important a message, some might say.
Pop it up, absorb it.
Pop it up, absorb it.
Johannes, run a baby.
Oh, run a baby.
He called you run a baby.
Run a baby
oh bad a bit actually good you're gonna be better sometimes
so as I say but better on stuff and I was like funny
then I did it and then I laughed at what I was doing it from Birmingham that
calls me a baby I don't know where do they get it.
It's too much. Bebe is, I say it on a few TV shows and it's brought up to me a lot.
And Rabebe, I just then go into Bebe.
There's too much, man.
What are you like?
Who calls you Rabebe?
There's a lady and she's made it her thing and I'm just like okay you know whatever floats
the boat girl it really brings her happiness.
Yeah it really felt good to say it.
You said it a lot since you said it the first time.
Oh stop you asked me, you asked me.
Sorry, poppadoms or bread?
Poppadoms or bread.
Bread all the way calms, calms, calms.
And I thought is there anything that fills you more than bread though?
Fills you more than bread?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not really.
No, it's pretty much the most filling thing on the planet, isn't it?
It is.
It's the most gorgeous.
I've been, I've lived off, you know, cheap bread, jam and peanut butter,
but now I live next to a baker.
I have to say I'm appreciate, like I'm grateful for life.
I have to say I'm grateful for life, really, because to have focaccia that is mixed with olive oils, a little bit of oil and salt in the morning and it's hot, it was like heaven
to me.
You went almost spiritual there.
Well, it was spiritual.
The listeners couldn't see it, but Je Johannes literally, looking up to heaven, he literally gestured up to God in heaven.
In heaven as I say you were grateful for life. You looked up, did a little gesture.
That is my everyday routine without fail. I literally walk into the baker and I just stand there
and they deliver my vanilla latte with my focaccia bread. So focaccia for breakfast.
And you just eating the focaccia, just chunks of the focaccia.
It's like that.
So massive. It's massive.
Yeah. That's your breakfast.
That's joyous.
So you're having that whole thing at the start.
Do you want your
latte with it as well as part of your bread course? That would be fab. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody makes
nobody makes my latte like that beautiful lady. Yeah.
And if she's not at work, I don't order that latte. Yeah.
I don't know why that latte. Yeah.
Nobody makes my latte like that beautiful lady.
You don't know why that tickled you.
You know exactly why.
Funny sentence.
So quietly as well.
Yeah.
We won't get you to name the place because then you'll blow up your spot.
And you won't be able to go there.
But they'll know, that beautiful lady will know that.
That beautiful lady will know.
She'll know.
Absolutely.
She's a big fan as well.
So what happens, so if she's not there, you don't get the vanilla latte.
I don't, honestly.
I don't.
So if you go in there and the ugly man's there, you're not getting the...
No one fucks up a vanilla latte like the ugly man. My latte?
Yeah, sorry.
No one ruins my latte like that ugly man.
It's the opposite.
I think that's great.
I don't think we've ever had a bread course with a coffee before.
Yeah.
That's great.
That's a good way to start the meal.
I just thought of a question that I've got about Strictly.
I'll be green picked there, tell me.
You know, on episode one of each series and they do the bit where you meet your partners for the first time.
Yeah.
Do they know that is who they're going to get before you come through?
Is that real surprise?
It is.
Good, just so I know.
It is.
Cause I always watch it going, I'm not sure if this is real surprise or not.
Let me tell you something.
It frustrates me because you can imagine I want to know.
And if I don't know, I struggle in life, you know, and I do everything in my power to find out.
But it's the integrity thing with BBC.
And I absolutely adore that as well, you know, because then you know, things are done fairly,
you know, it's a very
hard show. So you would like to think that the ship runs, you know. But it is, it really,
really is. And yeah, as much as we would try and work it out as to who will end up with
who as they are announced, you know, you're never guarantee that it's going to be like that.
So you know that, yeah, you obviously know the line up, so there's no chance of you walking
in there and going, who the fuck is that?
It has afforded us an opportunity to run on Google and check, you know, to see who's who
and what's who. And that, yeah, it really does.
Yeah, that's lucky. That's lucky.
I mean, we're not from, you know, I always say it's, it's,
it's the most interesting thing because most of us are not from
this country, you know, and you have to be very well versed
with what is happening, um, to know some of these people that
come onto the show, you know, I mean, can you imagine?
But also some of you, it's your first, when it's your first series,
and the celeb always sees this dancer for the first, it's their first series.
And the celeb always goes, no way!
It's like, you don't know that.
Well, you've been hanging out on cruise ships for the last seven years.
Should watch it Ed.
Yeah.
Well, I do, yeah, I dip in and out.
You do Ed.
I dip in and out.
You've never sat through a whole show though, have you?
I have sat through a whole show.
Really?
From my mum's.
She watches it religiously.
So I watch it with my mum.
She absolutely loves it.
She'll be over the moon to hear that you're coming on the podcast.
Ah, that is sweet.
I know mum will be happy.
I don't know about you.
So what do you want to tell me?
I'm delighted that you're on the podcast.
You're telling the truth, Ed.
I don't actually know the truth.
Ed is okay.
How much you watch Strictly?
I dip in and out. He's dips in and out. I mean that's, the truth. Ed is okay. How much you watch Strictly. I dip in and out.
He's dips in and out. I mean, that's, you know.
For my birthday present, my girlfriend got me a cameo
from, and I'm sorry I don't know his name, but...
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
I love it!
Now tell me everything.
Great present.
The ginger hair dancer who stands in the background.
Oh!
What?
Why am I laughing? The guy, the guy, he stands in the background.
Neil Jones.
Yeah, great.
Why do you say he stands in the back?
Well, in the two series that I've watched, he's not in a dance partner.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
So the two series I've watched, he's been standing behind Claudia or someone and he'll
be hyping up what's being said and he'll be leading the gang and then they'll do the
group dances and I always, I really liked watching him.
You can just get that directly.
We worked with his ex wife.
Sure.
But that was after I got the cameo.
Yeah.
That was after we went up against Katya, I went on the road. Yeah, funny thing is, I thought the ex-wife was going to help you, but yeah.
But yeah, you know, I got a cameo from him for my birthday telling me that I was going to go and see
Big Feast. The gingerbread man who stands in the background. Yeah, because you know how much I loved
him. Does she love him? Yeah, but I, he's my favorite. Did you know? I'd always point him out.
Really? Yeah, I'd always be like, look at him.
Look at what he's doing now.
I loved it.
You love him so much that you didn't know his name, even after you got a camera from him.
No, no.
It's funnier to not know his name.
It's funnier to go and look at him that way.
If he nodded.
It really is.
If he'd be doing it.
Yeah.
Yes and everything everyone was doing.
Yeah.
Someone else was doing some funny little gesture.
He'd adopt it as well and do it in the background. Right. He's our prankster. Yeah. I call him
the prankster. Loved it. There's no laughter without Neil. Yeah. Honestly, he's, he's,
he's fun. He's fun. That's a lovely way of putting it because I would expect you to say
there's always laughter with Neil and you've said there's never laughter without Neil.
So no one's laughing until Neil's there.
It's a miserable show and you're all just silently waiting for Neil to turn up. No, but you can imagine. It's, it's, you must see the rehearsal period, you know, there's never a
dull moment and that is, that's the fun thing about them, you know, and we always say we're a
family before anything. And I think that's the truth because if you see us behind closed doors,
we're a crazy bunch. That's what we say about ourselves, us three, we're family before anything. And I think that's the truth. Cause if you see us behind closed doors, you would, yeah, we're a crazy bunch.
That's what we say about ourselves.
Us three, we're family.
Let's get into your dream menu proper.
Your dream starter.
What is your ideal dream starter?
And don't say the pill.
It can't be a pill.
It's not.
Listen, I was home for the past couple of three weeks, actually,
and I was just reminded of how good home is actually.
Have you ever had flour?
And what you do with the flour is you put a little bit of yeast, salt, vegetable oil,
and you take that dough and you dunk it in oil, deep fry it.
Comes out as like looks
doughnut-y but you eat that and if you wanna be navel-y or you've got the munch
through it you can buy snook fish and eat it with
acha which is made of mango vinegar salt and sugar and you mix that mix and you
have that it's the most delicious thing I can't explain it to you guys and I was
just like... So it's like fried fried dough basically fried, fried dough, basically. Yes. But with like
a mango and do you say snook fish? Yes. I don't think I've ever heard of snook fish.
It's a fish. I believe you. I'm not suggesting you made a fish. I know. Check it out. It's,
it's, it's the way it melts in your mouth. Is it like, is it whitefish? It's whitefish. Nice.
Yeah.
And that's when you, if you posh, I say that if you posh because it's quite expensive, as you can imagine.
And it's quite a delicacy.
So I always say accia or and Palloni.
I don't think I've had that.
You've never had Palloni? No, it was Palloni.
Viennese. You know Viennese.
Viennese. Viennetta.
Not Viennetta. Oh Jesus. How do you explain? Viennese, you know Viennese? Viennese? Viennetta? Oh, Viennetta. Oh Jesus, how do you explain? Viennese what?
Palloni, how do I explain Palloni, please?
Well, I can't help you out with explaining Palloni.
I've got absolutely no idea what you're explaining it to.
Jesus. Made of all types of things and it's a bit disgusting.
Should we start naming the ingredients? You can tell us what's in it? and it's a bit disgusting. No, no.
Should we start naming the ingredients?
You can tell us what's in it.
In the bologna?
Yeah, it's everything.
Okay.
You know, no, so...
Marshmallow.
No, no, nothing.
It's savory come through.
And when I say Viennese, you know what you call sausages.
Oh, okay.
The inside of a sausage, right?
Okay.
So imagine at a factory, meat factory, you take all that meat.
Yeah.
And what are you doing with it?
That's...
It's a meatball?
Not a meatball. You put it in a thing.
Exactly. It's like hummus.
Like you know, you can take and spread it on any piece of...
It's like a sort of spreadable...
Spreadable something.
Yeah. Yeah.
But it's made of all meat and sometimes meat that's gone off.
You know what I'm saying?
But yeah, they packaged it nicely and they...
So it's like using up other bits of meat as well and creating something new.
Exactly, what is left off.
You know, let's not waste things.
It's how some of the best foods were created, I think.
Some of the best dishes were using waste I think some of the best dishes were
using waste products that normally get thrown away and working out way of cooking them to make them delicious.
Oh, well, you say that without baloney, there's nothing else, honestly, but we know back home in South Africa. But I mean you talk about other foods, darling.
Hang on. Were you saying baloney? Wow. Baloney. Can you imagine baloney if you have to squeeze it out of its packaging?
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Squeezy baloney. Squeezy baloney? Well baloney, can you imagine baloney if you had to squeeze it out of its packaging? Okay, yeah.
How would it come out?
Baloney, yeah.
Yeah.
Squeezy baloney.
Squeezy baloney, so to speak.
Squeezy baloney.
Which is a baloney.
Yeah, baloney, which is like balonia meat, right?
Which is like luncheon meat sort of stuff.
So baloney must...
I think you've confused me with this baloney talk.
He's on about something.
That's just how we were said in Africa. Talking this baloney. He's on about something. That's just how we would say it in Africa.
Talking absolute baloney.
Benito is showing you an image there on the screen to see if that is it.
Fet cook, the fried bread is called Fet cook.
Mawi, now you can use mince with it.
You know, stuff it with mince.
That's what a lot of people do.
So you're using that, you're dipping the bread in all this stuff.
And yeah, and then you eat.
It's cheap, easy to make and it can feed an army of people.
Nice.
That's a great start.
Yeah.
That is a beautiful starter.
And not a pill in sight.
We're doing well.
Yeah.
Dream main course. Like I said, I think I'm spoiled and it's not a bad thing sometimes, but I go home and
like I was saying, African delicacy, I had tripe now the other week, you know, and I
forgot how beautiful tripe is.
And what happens is at home is that we have veggies that are homegrown.
So it's lovely and accessible so you find that they do a lot of that and then they do
tripe and then we have Samp you know to go with that Samp. I don't know here we go
Samp and beans you know how to explain Samp to you. Is Samp vegetable or is it
like a grain? No it's like a grain yeah. Is it like sort of a more solid sort of polenta-y type thing?
That is what you call fufu-bapa.
You're talking about.
And that is also another one to use with your tribe, isn't it?
But I prefer my mom to make the tribe clean it.
You know, when she's done it, then I'll eat it.
Because the last thing that she wants is to be eaten tribe and then send or it's not washed properly or anything of that sort after
all those end taste times. See this is the thing you're saying you're not a
foodie right but if a British person was in here saying they weren't a foodie and
I suggested tripe to them they'd probably walk out. Really? Yeah. So it's just...
We talked to like Rylan or someone. Yeah. Who we did earlier today, talked to Ryland, that's what's in my head.
Yeah.
And he was absolutely appalled at anything that we chose.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
There was a mochi like that.
Yeah.
See, I think if, in this country, I think if a British person says,
I'm going to eat some tripe, they would be seen as an adventurous foodie.
Yeah.
For sure.
Stop it, double stop it.
I will not double stop it.
Double stop it.
I will not double stop it.
Double stop it, actually.
I'll double carry on. I, double stop it. Double stop it, actually. I'll double carry on.
I know...
Are you guys, you know, do you guys...
Oh, I would eat tripe.
I'd eat tripe in a heartbeat.
I'd eat heart in a tripe beat.
Ed is more likely to eat tripe in a heartbeat,
heart in a tripe beat than I am.
He loves tripe and stuff like that.
Yeah.
He'd probably go to that, that'd be his go-to.
I would try it if I'm just interested and like,
oh, I haven't had that before. I'm gonna try that thing.
I accidentally ordered brains in a cafe in Holland,
because I done the Google translate on the menu
and it said it was something else.
So I ordered them, sounded delicious. delicious and they bought these deep fried brains,
but they were delicious.
I just didn't know that that's what I ordered.
That was what you were eating.
Yeah, when they brought it over, they said, here's your brains.
And I was like, what?
And I was like, well, you know, they should be using the whole animal.
So, you know, I'm not going to send it, but I'm going to try it.
Delicious and very fluffy, actually.
Really?
Yeah.
I love that. Brains are good, very fluffy, actually. Really? Yeah.
I love that.
Brains are good, man.
Really?
Yeah.
You see, I've eaten everything,
but I've never tried that.
Stop it.
You might still be next on the list.
Where do you find it?
Well, where did I, I had brains at Gymkhana once.
You did?
Gymkhana's great Indian restaurant here.
I guess just like the kind of restaurants
that we'll try and use.
There's some that, you know,
the whole kind of ethos is to use the whole animal. So that those kind of places would sell.
St. John.
St. John.
What kind of animal is it?
Oh, that's a good point. I didn't know what kind of animals brains it was.
Oh Jesus.
How big was the brain? Oh, it was the size of a human being.
I think, I think it was a, I've had a duck brain before
out of the duck skull. It was disrespectful. They brought the whole head of the duck. Like
at the end of Hannibal. Yeah. Was it like, yeah. It was a duck Hannibal. It was quackable. You know what? It didn't taste that great.
And I didn't feel that good about it afterwards. Is this true? Are you not putting on a leg?
No, I'm not. I've got, do you want to see a picture? No, he showed me this picture. It's
not nice. I've seen it. It's on a plate, a head of a duck. Yes. Where were you? I was
in Noma, regularly voted the best restaurant in the world in Copenhagen.
Yeah.
Very good restaurant.
They do some crazy stuff.
By who?
Yeah.
By the sort of people who eat duck brain, I think.
By Elmer Thud.
Hannah Bill was very good.
Hannah Bill, thank you.
I'm still trying to get my head around what Johannes' actual dish, dishes, because I'm
looking at it here. Try Sampen beans.
Sampen beans.
And we haven't...
Oh, I've been shown what Samp is here.
This satisfying recipe from What's for Dinner will have your family reaching for second scoops.
Sampen beans need no introduction to South Africans.
Well, that doesn't help me.
Oh, simply corn kernels that have been dried and pounded before being chopped into large pieces.
Yes, that sounds kind of right.
And then some spices.
Some spices in there.
Definitely.
Definitely.
Yeah.
So far the menu is quite, it feels quite South African.
You're sort of gravitating back home with this meal.
Is it a comforting sort of food?
It is. It's comforting food honestly, and I have to say
Cheap, you know and it's nice. It's nice. Isn't it? It's it's always nice to eat cheap and and nicely
I think I think oh I completely agree with you, but then also it's your dream. It's your dream restaurant
So if you want to throw in some expensive stuff you can through True that. So don't you worry. True that, but I don't know about...
Oh no, you don't have to have the duck brain.
It's fine.
No, man, I can't mean.
Yeah, you're still on that.
Yeah.
I understand.
You can't stop thinking about that now.
I can't get it over my head.
I understand.
It's a weird thing you're doing.
Has it changed how you look at Ed?
My wife didn't want hers, so I had to eat.
I ate two.
Kind of sort of, because I'm like, where do we...
I would love to be in your brain.
Oh, well, I'll crack it open. Grab a spoon.
I will try anything. Anything.
Anything. And it was... So you get a bit...
Naomi, you get... It's a massive tasting menu.
So you get like, I don't know, 15, 16 dishes or something, right?
Yeah. Maybe even more.
Yeah. So this thing's constantly coming and there's new things you never heard of.
We had bear on that day as well.
There was a bear dumpling.
What? There was a bear dumpling.
You've been there.
Benito looks like he's gonna cry.
Yeah. Bear dumpling, which is like a little dumpling
and then with a little picture of a bear on the top.
There was the duck brain.
And actually the best dishes were the veg dishes, which.
You know. Yeah, they were tasty.
Yeah, you would think that. Yeah. And they were just normal veg as well, they were tasty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it did. They were
just normal veg as well. They'd done really well. It wasn't like a carrot that'd been
up a rabbit's ass or anything. It was just like normal veg cruelty free, you know,
rabbits like carrots too much to stick. They're eating them. They're not sticking about their
ass. I'm not saying they were doing it. It was one of the chefs. I'd imagine. Yeah.
Oh, thank you for this afternoon.
I don't know where last night I haven't, I haven't laughed like that today.
Well, this is funny as the ginger guy in the background. Turns out you don't need him to have laughter.
There's no laughter without James and Ed.
Well, we're moving on to your dream side dish now.
You know calamari.
Calamari.
I...
Yo, you can wake me up anytime of the day or night and say, let's go.
I don't know this. There's something about calamari. It's the taste. And I'm not, you know,
like I'm a seafood person or anything of that sort, but it's calamari and I don't want it battered.
Oh really? Just the like the squid rings?
Yeah. You know what I mean?
It's when it's, you know, try and bite it and you can't get through it and it's...
Oh!
So who's in your mind, who's waking you up in the middle of the night with a bowl of calamari?
Who would be the best person?
Ideal person to wake up in the middle of the night with a bowl of calamari.
Should be somebody you love, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, it should be, but according to you, you just eat the calamari straight away.
So it actually doesn't matter who it is.
So it could be a robber.
If a robber broke into your house and wanted to distract you while they stole everything,
they'd just wake you up and go,
''Johannes, calamari!''
And you're like, ''What?''
No, no, no.
You know what I mean.
It would be lovely to, you know, to eat something from somebody that you actually like. For sure. You know what I mean. It would be lovely to, you know, to eat something from
somebody that you actually like. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah. I guess you'd be less scared.
If it was a robot. So there's not, there's not really much on. Is there a place where
you've had the best just calamari as it is not fried? Like where you've a restaurant
maybe where it's like, this is the best version of this dish it is not fried like where you've a restaurant maybe where
it's like this is the best version of this dish.
Cape Town.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
And I also found that place by fluke, you know, we were lost.
A friend of mine, we were driving in the mountains and we ended up in this small village or whatever
you're so speaking.
There was this just beautiful place just hanging at the top of the hill.
And I thought to myself, okay, what's happening?
I walked in there, very unassuming, but obviously they get their fish
and everything right there.
Never tasted anything like that.
So I've made it a thing that every time I go down to South Africa and I am in Cape
Town, I don't do Cape Town without
going past Koi Koi.
It's a must.
It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
I mean, if I'm there for two days, I take the drive.
Wow.
Sounds amazing.
Oh my goodness.
I think it's also just how fresh it is.
You know what I mean?
And they do everything in front of you.
And it is a family restaurant as well.
It's just beautiful.
And I always think it's the
thing it's not even sometimes I don't even know about the food it's about the people isn't it
you know what I mean that cooks that food and that brings people together I don't know no
so it's quite simply prepared so it's not battered or anything no no is it grilled or it's grilled
it's grilled it's fried sometimes you know like just open fire. I'd love to take you guys to go, go in there.
She just...
You may.
I want to know why is it that we trust, because I'm the same.
Why do we trust family-run restaurants so much?
I always like, when I see it's family-run, I'm like, oh great.
But like, if my family run a restaurant, it'd be awful.
Yeah.
No disrespect to my mom who is in the next room listening.
The lady can't cook.
She's a wonderful lady, but she's not a chef.
She's a brilliant cook. He just winds her up.
I've cooked one of her recipes before. She's never exact about the ingredients that you
need and it doesn't work out.
She was very exact about any and Ed didn't listen.
He decided to get to just get whatever he wanted and put it in and it didn't work out
and then he blames mum.
Not specific enough.
She said condensed milk and he got evaporated milk instead.
So yeah, there you go.
Same thing.
I can't take it anywhere. Do you take him seriously?
I can't take him seriously with his behaving like this.
Does your mama let him get her?
Well, I don't know. I mean, that was during a cook along we did over Zoom during lockdown.
She didn't do another cook along with him after that. Let me tell you.
So maybe you were asked.
No, I didn't do another cook along with her.
She was, she was inviting me all the time.
I didn't tell you that.
She texted me every day going, what?
You should come and do another cook along.
I didn't know that happened.
Blocked her number.
I didn't know that.
Blocked her number.
I didn't know that I had to block my mum's number
because she was asking to do cook along so frequently.
Sorry, did I have someone learning this for the first time? No, listen, I can't hear her objecting from the next room, so I guess it happened.
Don't stop, Ma, can you hear this? No, I messed up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I messed up. Still ate it though.
Yeah, he still ate his awful ice cream that he made.
What famous family do you think
would run the best restaurant?
Oh, good question.
And who would run the worst?
So I'm thinking of like, you know, the Osbournes.
No, no, no way.
You know who I would love to see in the kitchen?
Just for giggles, it's the Kardashiansians. Do they even work in that regard?
I'd love to see the Kardashians in the kitchen. Can you imagine Kim Kardashian?
And they must also make tribe. Yeah, yeah, they have to make your menu.
Do you want that for your dream menu the Kardashians are making?
You said which family? No, I want the Kardashians cooking my food. No, no, no, no.
No, but it would be interesting to see some of the people like, you know.
Yeah. Yeah.
Also, it couldn't be one of those galley kitchens. Their butts aren't fitting in there.
Ah Ed, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that you had to hear that.
Well, their butts aren't fitting in a galley kitchen.
Come on, Benito's having a mind down.
Why? It's a famously big butt.
It was on the cover of a magazine.
Do you know how big it was?
What? You're making that up.
He is making it up.
You remember the magazine cover.
With a champagne glass.
With a champagne and the glass was on her butt.
Sedgeant Godbite.
Because it was so big.
So imagine that in a galley kitchen.
Is a champagne glass going to be on her butt in the galley kitchen?
Well, not for long.
Probably keep opening the fridge by accident.
It's called BBL.
Yes.
BBL?
BBL.
You know?
Yes.
Brazilian butt lift.
Wow.
I didn't know that.
No, I didn't.
I didn't know that.
And if you told me, guess what BBL stands for?
Yeah.
I would not have got to Brazilian butt lift.
Yeah.
People go and have a...
The butt lift skates in.
You baby. L that chair big time.
Johannes.
Yeah. No, listen, I'm an African boy. I've got a wound up.
But he has now costed out to all the stuff about the galley kitchen because he knows that
I'm a South African boy, I've got a bundle, it's too funny.
You have to keep it in.
So there you go.
Sorry, Ben.
Your dream drink. And when you arrived here today, we had a lot of choices of drink for
you in the fridge.
You did. And thank you for the champagne. Would that be your dream drink or would it
be something else?
A Prosecco with a shot of Lychee. Divine. Or a Ponstar Martinium.
Wow. Okay.
This is good. This is good.
They're sort of similar flavors, I guess.
Cause there's, you get a shot Prosecco with...
With a Ponstar Martinium.
Prosecco is my drink.
Yeah. Yeah.
That will be consistent.
Yeah. Yeah.
Cause it gets me there quicker, man.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Nothing. Cause it gets me there quicker man. Nothing else does than
Prosecco. Pornstar martini. I'm always unclear about what, cause it's a shot of Prosecco,
but what's the main drink? Well, it's different things, isn't it? But you, you do have syrup.
They've sometimes got granadilla. They put a bunch of alcohol in it. Come on, stop. Is
it passion? Is it passion fruit as well?
There is passion, there is passion fruit.
And what else is in that passion fruit?
Don't!
The one in Soho.
He's the man that introduced me to Posta Martini.
He's an agent.
Absolutely.
With my mother.
A couple of years ago with your mother.
Hammers.
They're both hammers.
Both absolutely hammered.
Drinking condensed milk.
And a shot of evaporated milk afterwards. To your mother. Hammers. They're both hammers. Both absolutely hammered. Drinking condensed milk.
And a shot of evaporated milk afterwards.
What's the name?
Do you remember the name of the place in Soho that you have the pornstar martini?
And what's the name of that place?
The O bar.
The O bar.
The O bar.
In Soho?
It's a very old place, but looked after very well.
The food is divine and the pornstar martinis don't taste like any way I've been.
And he introduced me to it.
And he's responsible.
Hey guys, I guess, I guess everywhere will go.
I mean, if it's, you know, let's be honest, you have to go to a posh establishment
to get a porn star martini or else it's just not porn star martini.
You know what I mean? No, I just, yeah.
He's an amateur porn star martini.
Absolutely. You know, you have to have bits in it.
Like a married couple who made it at home.
That's not cute, but no.
Yeah, that isn't cute actually.
No, but I mean, for a self-quarantine like, like you would feel like you're drinking some exotic
drink if you know what I mean. What is it like a lychee? Is it like puree? Is it that
they put in? Yeah. There's a pink bottle. I get it from Amazon. Because sometimes I
go to Sainsbury's. You're making these at home as well.
This is your home drink.
Absolutely.
A hard day's work straight back for a lychee and Prosecco.
Prosecco, bit of mint, and you can use also sparkling water just to dilute it.
Yeah.
You're gone.
Try it.
Have you ever made a pornstar martini?
No, I haven't.
Should probably learn what's in the drink.
Whenever you refer to a porn star martini, I know you love it, but also you refer to
it as like that drink.
Like it's caused you some problems in the past.
It has.
A few of those, you lose all your inhibitions and yeah, not my finest moments, but I was out there on that
freedom pole.
I would be interested to hear why, why it's called a porn star martini.
Yeah, I've never known.
And also I've never had one, definitely never ordered one because I feel uncomfortable saying
I would like a porn star martini.
Why is that?
I guess I'm a little bit of a prude.
No, I'm always interested in that because a lot of guys would never and then they, you know,
and then they taste it and they're like, oh my gosh, I've been missing out.
And I always ask is the shape of a glass?
Is that the reason why?
No.
No.
What's the shape of the glass?
What is it?
You know, the glasses that they use for porn star martinis, you know, they're a bit swanky if you know what I mean.
Oh, I love a swanky glass.
Really?
If it was called anything else, or not anything else.
I would have a pornstar martini, but at home with my curtain shut and then I'd get rid of the evidence before my wife got home.
I thought you were going to drink it with her.
No way.
Shut the curtains, drink the pornstar martini way. That's what she would say though.
She'd call you.
Drinking the porn star martini and then say I was just having a beer.
Yeah.
You don't look like you were having a beer.
No, listen.
You might be very brave to be ordering porn star martinis.
Benito is showing me the Wikipedia page for porn star martini.
He's taking Safe Search off to get this up. It says a passion
fruit flavored cocktail made with vanilla flavored vodka, passion fruit juice, Pasoa,
I'm not sure what that is, lime juice, traditionally accompanied by a chilled shot glass of Prosecco,
created in 2002 by Douglas Ancra. And there's not, that's not a hyperlink, so I can't see
who Douglas Ancra is. He's owner of Lab London Bar and the townhouse in London.
Stop, you wanna tell me that Ponce de Martinica
originates from the...
It was inspired by a visit to Mavericks Review Bar
Gentleman's Club, a nude strip club
in Cape Town, South Africa.
Wow. Stop.
That is...
It's named after a strip club in South Africa.
I didn't know we have strip club in South Africa.
It's amazing. Magics Review Bar's Gentlemen's Club.
It's one of your... I think your only dish so far that we didn't think was to do with South Africa.
I know! And there you go!
No wonder you love it. Every time you taste the Porn Star Martini, you're tasting a little bit of home.
Also, in terms of the name, Ankara claimed he used the porn
star name to evoke a stylish and confident drink that's pure indulgent, sexy, fun and
evocative. Ankara also denied being a fan of pornography. You can't have it both ways,
Ankara. You can't say it's sexy and confident and go, but I don't like that. What did you call the drink?
You invented one drink and you called it a port.
I don't like it.
Disgusting.
Oh, this.
So it's Cape Town again.
It's going back to Cape Town.
That's quite exciting.
That's cool.
I'm being serious.
I never knew that we had strip clubs in South Africa.
There you go. There's a strip club in Ketman for a very short amount of time. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What did you do to get it shut down? I refuse to dance anymore.
We arrive at your dream dessert. Do you have a sweet tooth?
No, not really.
So would you not normally have dessert then when it's when it's no, I think it's too
much.
Well, of course, if this is your dream, this is your dream restaurant.
Yeah.
If you don't want dessert, you can just skip dessert or have something else in its place.
But if there is like a dessert that you really like, then obviously pick it because it's
dessert time.
But no pressure.
If you don't want dessert, you can pass.
Or you could have, if you want something else savoury, we could give you that.
I've never actually savoury dessert.
Well, that would be ridiculous.
You know, you could have like a cheese board or just an extra savoury course
at the end instead, if you don't really want anything sweet.
I mean, listen, listen, a Malva pudding has never hurt anybody.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's common.
You find it everywhere.
You can never get it wrong.
Which pudding?
Malva pudding.
Yeah.
What's Malva pudding?
Honestly, you need to get some sort of medal because so many of the foods here.
You stumped us.
You stumped us with.
Pretty much all of them.
What's the Malva pudding?
The thing is, I don't know if the vocabulary to explain to you guys what the bloody shit
is.
I believe they've got the laptop, so it's fine.
Here we go.
Wikipedia to the rescue again.
Malva pudding.
It's named after a strip club in Cape Town.
It is of South African origin.
It contains apricot jam and a spongy caramelized texture.
A cream sauce is always poured over it while it's hot. It's usually served warm with custard
or ice cream.
Is it like a cobbler, James? Tell me.
It doesn't look like a cobbler to me. It looks like a treacly sponge. For me, it looks like
a bit like a treacle sponge.
Yeah. What is the treacle sponge?
It's apricot jam.
And has a caramelized texture to it.
Sponge, hot sponge cake.
Sounds delicious.
It is divine.
And when I say you guys don't do Malva pudding.
Yeah, I thought it was something that would have taken from you guys.
No, apparently not.
South African origin.
Yeah.
So is the Born star Martini.
So, yeah.
Stop.
I have to say, I mean, we have adopted a lot of things
from you guys.
Yeah.
What you find, you basically can find there as well.
What kind of stuff are you adopted from us?
Everything.
I mean, in the last thing,
when you were talking to me,
actually you guys had a conversation about Marmite. and it's so true that you don't go anywhere else in the world and
find Marmite only. And where people actually eat it. People eat Marmite and
I'm always like why? Yeah, I like it. I think it's horrible. I think it's horrible. But I guess it's that thing as well.
It's either you do like it or you don't.
Yeah.
That's the phrase.
Yes.
Right?
If you do like it, you don't.
I think I love Marmite,
but I've always had Marmite since I was a little kid.
So I think you need to be taught to like it.
And then also now I see it as a point of pride that I love a little kid. So I think you need to, you need to be taught to like it. And
then also now I see it as a point of pride that I love Marmite. So when anybody outside
the UK says, why do you eat that? It's disgusting. Like I like it because I like it. It's delicious.
Well, he's spreading on his duck brains. Yeah. That would work actually. Stop. It would.
And I spread my thick as well. Like I used to spread it like an inch, an inch thick.
You can just speak your mind to him at this point. Yeah. It spread it like an inch, an inch thick. You can just speak
your mind to him at this point. Yeah. It's because like he's, he's trying to gross you
out. No, no, no. I love my, my, I love all the Marmite produce that they make. The Marmite
cheeses, Marmite butter, Marmite peanut butter, Marmite chocolate. That's the thing. My chocolate is good. My chocolate is good.
Where do I live?
Where have I been?
I can't believe I'm gonna be responsible for jihadists leaving
the country.
Where do I live?
No big serious. I'm sure that must be a creation, but who makes the moment they make chocolate.
Yeah.
And then there's also, there's a chocolate here called Paul Young, who occasionally makes
like these chocolates with Marmite in them, but that's like Camden.
I might've had a place in camp.
Yeah.
It does Saturday kitchen all the time and stuff.
Oh, okay. Yeah. He's the ginger guy that's in the background.
If only every show needs them.
Every show needs a ginger guy in the background.
Ah, you killed me. You know that.
Oh, no, he makes fantastic stuff and he's done, which is actually,
and I love Marmite was slightly too much there for proper Marmite lovers,
which are like chocolates with like a big glob of Marmite in the middle.
So you bite into them instead of caramel, it's Marmite.
It's not for beginners.
No, I bet.
A quiet taste.
Paul, now that you said it's Paul who did it, I mean, I would love to just put my tongue on it.
Yeah, he makes good stuff.
He does.
He does.
He does.
On a major menu back to you now.
See how you feel about it.
You want sparkling water.
Yeah.
Pop-on's ready. You want it for focaccia with olive oil and salt and the vanilla
latte made by the beautiful lady.
Starter.
VatCook.
VatCook with snook fish and poloni, main course tripe,
sump and beans, side dish calamari, drink prosecco with a shot of lychee, liquor and
dessert, Malva pudding.
That sounds like a dream. That's good. That's also love episodes where I'm introduced to
loads of new things to try. Yeah. Looking forward to trying some of that. I'm taking you guys to Queque, don't worry. Yeah. Take us to South Africa. Yeah. Next
time you go, Ed and I, I mean, you know, don't take Ed anywhere near me, duck ponds or anything.
You can take me anywhere. This is, you know, I want to eat the tripe. I'll eat anything. I'll eat
Malva pudding. I'm up for all of it. Yeah. Okay. There's no dark stuff, sorry.
Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Johannes.
I can't tell you guys everything. Thank you so much for having me.
Well, there we are. What a delight that was, James.
Oh, thank you, Johannes, so much. What a journey. What an education.
We learned about so many different dishes we'd never heard of before. And you didn't say Sparkling Thames water. Thank you
very much. Thank you very much for not saying that. Once we are through the water course,
we're pretty much home free. Yeah, I was relaxed. I knew that that wasn't going to come up.
Yeah. I mean, I think from now on, whenever something happens that I'm not sure about or
that I don't like, I'm going to say, where do I live? Yeah. Where do I live? Where do I live?
Where do I live?
Fantastic.
Really loved it.
Loved it.
Yeah. An absolute dream. Thanks for coming on.
Thanks so much to Johannes for coming on. Of course, you can see Johannes' new tour, House
of Jojo, very, very soon. Go on to Johannes-live.com for more details about the house of Jojo, which is coming to a town near you
I guess depending on where you live or you might be in the town. You might be in the town
You might actually work at the theater. Maybe it's a city. Yeah, maybe it's a city
Maybe I mean a lot of different people this maybe you're Johannes listening to this in which case you don't need to buy a ticket
Yeah, you're gonna be there every night. Don't even worry about it. Yeah
Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu podcast. We will see you again
next week. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hello, I'm Sarah Pascoe.
And I'm Cariad Lloyd.
You might remember us from the peak of our careers, appearing on the excellent Off Menu
podcast.
It's the greatest we've ever felt and we know we'll never achieve that again.
But if you remember those episodes and enjoyed what we did, you might be a fan of our book
choices and our new comedy podcast, Sarah and Carrie Ed's Weirdos Book Club.
Imagine us not talking about food but talking about books.
But with the comedians you know from off-menu like Nish Kumar, John Kern, Sophie Juker and more.
We're not copying them, we're doing our own thing.
It's totally different.
It's about books.
It's about books. But there's no genies involved.
It's a space for the lonely outsider to feel accepted and appreciated.
I just like James A. Custer's bedroom. Eww!
A place for the person who'd love to be in a real book club but doesn't like wine or nibbles.
You can read along, share your opinions, or just skulk around in your raincoat like the weirdo you are.
Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you.
I've got the ending one as well.