Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 235: Amelia Dimoldenberg (Live in Manchester)
Episode Date: March 23, 2024The pop-up Dream Restaurant opens in Manchester, with someone who‘s no stranger to fine dining: Chicken Shop Date’s Amelia Dimoldenberg. Watch Amelia Dimoldenberg’s Chicken Shop Date on YouTube ...and Instagram Follow Amelia on Twitter and Instagram @ameliadimzRecorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the O2 Apollo Manchester.Edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Marketers and business owners, you've been pining after a certain someone.
Your job's on the line.
You're desperate for them to like you back.
Here's a word of advice from me.
Talking is hot.
Just you and them, finally alone like us two right now.
Maybe under the duvet or at the back of the bus.
Headphones on, one on one.
Podcast advertising is proven to be one of the best ways to catch their attention, so
surprise them while they're tuned in, while the moment's right.
Say a line or two that really gets them going.
Next time, if you want to win over your special someone and build some brand love, experiment
with something new.
Just focus on your voice.
Advertise on more than 100,000 podcast shows with Acast.
Head to go.acast.com slash closer to get started.
["Saturday Baby"]
Hey y'all, it's Saturday baby and what does that mean?
B-b-b-b-bonus!
It's a bonus live episode from the Off Menu Live Tour 2023 and this was recorded at the
O2 Apollo Manchester on the 29th of October.
It's the first night of our Manchester two night residency.
Yes, we were very cheeky in the first half so there might be a cheeky little atmosphere
between, a frisson between us and the audience maybe? Absolutely and our special
guest was the wonderful Amelia de Moldenburg. Of course, thank you so much Amelia for
joining us in Manchester. Now for the listeners who weren't there, there will
be some callbacks to the first half that might not make sense but hey,
Hakuna Matata. One of them is a secret ingredient because the secret ingredient
is custard skin as selected by our brilliant Manchester audience. Thank you to the audience very
much, the extra guest on this podcast some some would say. Yes. This episode.
That's a nice way of thinking but it's a shame you've not said that for all the
others we've recorded. Well I only feel that way about this night in Manchester.
Here we go! Amelia to Moldenburg! Amelia Jamaldenberg
Welcome to the Off Menu podcast taking the carrot cake of humor
Putting it on the floor of friendship
In the bus stop of the internet
It is the bus stop floor carrot cake of the Off Menu Podcast!
These intros, when we release these episodes, because no one's going to have heard the first half, they are going to make so little fucking sense.
That is a gamble. My name is James A. Castle. Together we own a dream restaurant and every
single week we invite in the different guest and ask them their favorite ever,
start, a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink.
Not in that order.
And this week, our guest is
Amelia Demoldenberg!
Amelia Demoldenberg!
Amelia Demoldenberg!
Very, very excited to have Amelia on the podcast.
People are very excited as well, James.
We announced her as the guest today,
and people lost their fucking minds.
You all know the secret ingredients so keep that in mind don't
tell Amelia. Don't tell Amelia. So without further ado this is the off menu menu of
Amelia Jamal and Ben.
Hello. Hello. Hello. Welcome. James. James. James. James. Yep. Sorry. Yep. Sorry. We need to start the podcast properly, Amelia, you see. Thank God. Now, James is obviously
a genie in this. Obviously.
So he's in the lamp now.
Yep.
If you would like to get up and rub the lamp that's fine, otherwise we can get the audience
to do it in their minds.
Oh, we'll do it.
You will do it?
Do you want to do it in your mind?
You can do it in your mind as well while I do it.
Yeah, why don't we double up?
Absolutely.
Here we go.
Do it with your minds.
Oh, it's working very quickly.
Welcome to the show. with your mind, oh, it's working very quickly. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Welcome Amelia to Moldenburg to the Dream Restaurant.
We've been expecting you for some time.
Oh.
I'm so happy to be here.
Honestly, I thought I'd be here sooner than I am, but.
I mean, at least like season five or something,
but it's fine.
Yeah.
I think it's season 11 technically. Yeah
No, I honestly thought maybe you didn't like me I
Thought it was weird that I've not been on. Yeah. No, it's weird one of us likes you
Yeah, yeah, I you don't like me do you no
No. No. I knew it. I'm joking. Not a fan.
Yeah. I thought you were throwing that in there to keep Amelia on edge for the whole episode
and then you just go, yeah, I don't like you Amelia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never.
He loves me. He doesn't like me. Yeah, I said over my dead body.
But I'm here. You're here now. Whoops.
I like that you've turned up and immediately settled a score about not being on earlier.
Yeah. Not a lot of guests do that. I thought that you've turned up and immediately settled a score about not being on earlier. Yeah.
Not a lot of guests do that.
I thought that was like a vendetta against me.
No vendetta at all.
You were trying to sabotage me.
No, no way. Why were you trying to sabotage me?
I don't know.
Because you do food-based content?
Exactly.
What other podcasts or TV shows do you think have a vendetta against you?
Because they haven't booked you yet.
Table manners? Yeah. Should I do this? i do this yeah yeah yeah let's do it um the the news one
the news the news the the one with emily made this yes we've been on that one the news agents
the news agents do you think they haven't booked you because you call it the news one. Yeah the news one There's on discs. Yeah
The crime ones the true crime the crime. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you know a crime. I need to die. Yeah
And then I could be on that one. Yeah. Yeah, so there's you know, there's still time. There's still time
Yeah to die. Yeah, do you think that when obviously eventually all of us have to pass on?
All right spoiler alert
When your time comes will you be thinking to yourself?
Hopefully they'll do a true crime podcast about this. Absolutely
That's the only reason I want to die
Waste of time of a wife. Yeah, absolutely. No podcast. No point. Yeah, so if you die of like old age just peacefully in your bed boring yeah fucking gutted boring yeah
well you place things around to make it look like it was that was something was
going on yeah just like a huge gun but no bullet wounds yeah no bullet wounds
you gotta make you to make it interesting.
Yeah, because the detective will come in and go...
These podcasts are really long these days, aren't they? They're like over an hour.
It's like episode 8 where they go,
and there was no bullet wounds on her at all.
No bullet wounds at all, no.
Turns out she died of old age and left a big gun by the bed.
Yeah.
We found out by listening to a live episode of the Off-Menu podcast
that tipped us off.
Now, this seems like a bit of a redundant question because obviously you work with food, but are you a foodie?
What? Because, oh, well...
Well, we always ask people if they're foodies, but I feel like it's rude when someone does like chicken shop dates and then one's saying, are you a foodie?
Well, it does make sense, you know, having a dating show in a chicken shop that I would be a really, really big foodie.
I needed a cooking show as well, right?
Oh yeah, I did a cooking show, yeah, but I can't cook.
I'm not a foodie, sorry.
Hey, don't say sorry, this is great.
We've had loads of non-foodies on the pod.
Yeah, I'm not a foodie.
I eat, I've eaten food, but.
Not a foodie.
How often?
Like three times a day.
What about you?
Yeah, three times a day if you can. Yeah, yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah, often? Like three times a day. Woo! What about you?
Yeah, three times a day if you can.
Yeah, yeah, cool.
Yeah, yeah.
Six, seven.
Oh, whoa.
Crazy.
He's pretty crazy.
He's a guy.
Yeah, I'm a crazy guy.
I've got a real problem.
When you met Ed, did you think he was crazy?
Yeah.
That guy is crazy.
Cool tattoos.
Thank you very much, Amelia.
Okay.
Would you like me to take you through them?
No. Okay, would you like me to take you through them? No, okay
Absolutely fair enough. Yeah, if you had to get an item of food
Tattoo less if you had to know. If you just for the sake of info. No.
You? A big tub of ice cream probably. Oh yeah. Yeah, I'd have a big tub of ice cream. Where?
On your... Just a full body tap on my... from my waist to just here.
So you wouldn't be able to see it if I was wearing a top.
It'd be a surprise.
Wow, do you have a girlfriend right now?
I did have going into this podcast.
Yes.
Yeah, I was gonna say not for long.
But I've since made fun of her accent many times on stage
and just suddenly get a full body tap of a tub of ice cream.
Yeah.
What flavor would you get?
I guess I would maybe just want the ice cream tub
to say my name on it.
OK, in case you forget your name.
You just James A. Kester on the cup of ice cream, yeah.
Tasty.
Yeah.
What are you on about?
Well, I want it to be personalized.
So I think I would have it like it's a big cup of ice cream
and it's a spoon in it and stuff.
With a spoon in it?
There's a spoon, like the lid's off big type of ice cream and it's a spoon in it and stuff and With a spoon in it? There's a spoon like the lid's off
It's dangerous
The lid's off there's a spoon coming out
Probably ends at my armpit the spoon coming out of the thing
And then it's like a Ben and Jerry's
But instead of Ben and Jerry's and what flavour it just says James A.K.
Nice
Is that the flavour as well?
Does it just say James?
I feel like we're going too far into detail here with this Amelia
No, I think we are carry on
Is there a flavor on it or instead of Ben and Jerry's does it say James Acaster? No, it tastes like James
It tastes like yes. Oh, so you think James has put James Acaster on it
So when people lick his body, it's like they're eating an ice cream that there's a flavor of him. Yes. Okay, James. Yes
I've decided yeah agree with what Amelia says. Yeah.
We always start with still a spark in water.
Do you have a preference?
I'm going to go with tap.
Because I'm humble, and I don't mind tap.
Here's the thing, though, they cheered that.
They cheered that because we're in Manchester.
And the tap water here is very good.
So much better.
Yeah.
So much better.
Whoo!
It's sweeter.
Yeah.
It's softer.
Yeah.
It's stunning.
I disagree.
Really?
Yeah.
I used to stand...
Really? Yeah, come on.
I'll fucking take you all on. Craig Greville-Hallwood.
It's too soft. The soft north is what I call it.
You can get to London, drink some Limescale, get some fucking grit on your bones.
Craig Shirley Anton.
Craig Shirley Anton
Never had you down as a strictly nerd until like a year
Good stuff man. Not a very strong group of dancers this year
Do you watch strictly Amelia sort of sometime no
My mom loves it yeah, yeah my mom loves it. It's the sort of show that mums like. Yeah, they do like it. I do love to dance though. Yeah? Yeah, I really pretty good Pretty good just that little bit of your seat. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah wait till I stand up
Yeah, I won't
Any particular songs you like to dance to?
Just music
Just you dance to music dance to music. Yeah yeah. Or I could do acapella dancing too.
Yeah, just silence.
You wiggle in silence.
Yeah, yeah, why not?
Well, because you look crazy.
No.
Not if no one's watching.
Yeah, dance like no one's listening.
Oh, yeah, like no one's listening, yeah.
Sorry.
Back to Tapwater.
Ed, what's it like for you when there's two of us?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
It's fun to watch.
It's like watching two kids meeting for the first time.
Like two little children meeting for the first time.
Aw. It's quite sweet but also
fucking annoying. Okay. We've met once before. You didn't say hello to me though. No well.
You just stood there. This is what I think you don't like me. Oh let's hash this out
right now this is brilliant. I like that. I said hello. Where was this? Set the scene
for us. We were outside a pub in London. I met you there as well. I said hello. Where was this set the scene for us? We were outside a pub in London
I'm not you that here as well. You said hello. Yeah, he said hello to me and
And yeah, no not much report really there wasn't much said
So well, it was no hold it because they think it was just we we were outside the pub in London, I didn't say hello to you.
It was, Ashland B was organising a charity thing, it was a Christmas charity thing.
Yes.
It was a food drive, wasn't it?
A food drive, and asked a lot of people to show up to it, and there was a load of actors there and comedians and all sorts.
So there was quite a lot of people, quite crowded, wasn't it?
I was dressed as Santa Claus.
You were dressed as Santa Claus when I met you.
Are you scared of Santa?
Well, I will admit to you now, maybe this will put your mind at ease.
Although I'm surprised you didn't put this together,
I didn't immediately recognise you immediately.
Oh, right! That makes so much more sense now.
It was suddenly, Ashton said,
can you come and do this photo? I was like, yep.
So I turned around, I was quickly rushed into a photo and then Santa Claus was there.
I did the photo and then Santa Claus went away and then as you were going away I was like, oh that was a minute to my, oh well she's gone now. Okay, yeah. That makes more sense. Yeah,
that makes more sense. I guess I was wearing like the whole thing and the sort of beard. You had a
beard, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And the glasses and everything.
Yeah.
And by the time I arrived, you weren't dressed as Santa Claus.
No.
Because Nish was dressed as Santa Claus.
Yes.
And let me tell you, I recognize Nish more than I normally do.
He makes sense as Santa Claus.
Yes, when he's calling himself Father Nishmas.
Yeah.
As I left
Okay, all is forgiven I didn't know I
Didn't know I had to be forgiven
The tap water sorry. Yeah tap water because obviously usually you have a tap in in London where you live
Well, yeah, usually do you want it to be London? Would you be new to it? That's such a weird way of putting that question.
Well, I'm saying, if you want tap water,
do you want it from your tap in London,
or do you want it from somewhere else?
Because they cheered because they were thinking
Manchester tap water is delicious.
Yeah, you know what?
I'm going to get it from Manchester.
Woo!
My grandparents are from Manchester.
Actually, my whole family is from Manchester.
Well, they're from Bury.
And, you know from Bury?
Woo! And I used to stand in the shower in my grandma's house and just drink the water.
Just mouth open like, woo! So, tastes so good.
So do you want the water for your dream menu from your grandparents' shower?
Yes! Please, give it all to me. Yeah
so we can set up a nozzle in the... No I want the exact one from my grandparents house.
Yeah yeah so we'll get your grandparents nozzle. Yeah. And we'll have that over the
table and anytime you want you can just... Yeah. Drink it. Guzzle it.
Pop lobs or bread? Pop lobs or bread?
Oh!
So, um...
Breads.
Just because I shouted at you, doesn't mean I don't like you.
I don't want to undo the damage.
Can I specifically have a bagel?
Yeah. Yeah.
It's a good question. This relates to something that happened in the first half.
Is it a smooth bagel?
Oh.
A smooth, what other one? A rough bagel?
Well, this was my issue with the description, Amelia.
I've never heard it called a smooth bagel before.
A smooth?
I think they meant a plain bagel.
Oh, okay. You know like those everything bagel. Oh, okay, you know, there's everything bagels
Yeah smooth bagel you want nothing on it Oh butter what no
Oh, yeah, it's like some of my sesame seeds on the top. No, it's on the top. You want smooth like I want smooth
No, I'm a bagel on smooth bagel. Yeah, it doesn't it's perfect as it is. It doesn't need anything added to it lovely
No seeds toasted. Yes, absolutely on the third Smooth bagel. On smooth bagel, yeah. It doesn't, it's perfect as it is. It doesn't need anything added to it. Lovely.
No seeds. Toasted?
Toasted, yes, absolutely.
On the third setting.
Best setting.
Yes.
Now, with the settings on toasters,
it's not, did you know?
Go on.
Here we go.
Do tell.
It's not some level of toastedness. It's not some like mythical brown level. It's just the amount of minutes that is in there for.
No. Oh my god thank you so much for telling me that. I had no idea. A lot of people don't Amelia.
Thank God you explained that. Sorry mans mansplained. Sorry, mansplained.
Look, I've said it before.
What am I supposed to do? I'm a man if I need to explain something.
Suddenly that's mansplaining.
But sometimes people just need to be told things.
I'm happy to sit this one out.
You can.
So if you can carry on.
So three minutes, toasted for three minutes. Yes.
Actually, maybe not butter.
Maybe like, maybe it's, is it margarine?
I don't know what I have in the thing.
Ed, do you want to explain to Amelia what she has?
So when you're making the bagel and you're putting stuff on it.
It's in a, it's in a thing you have to take the lid off.
You take the lid off.
Yeah.
Is that margarine?
I don't know.
Okay.
Is it...
It sounds like it's...
It's a silver one.
It might be Leur Pak though.
Leur Pak.
Which is spreadable butter.
Okay, cool.
Do you mean the one with the little trombone player?
Don't know.
What?
There's a trombone?
It's only on the advert. I don't think he's on the packet oh okay with Leonard yeah what Leonard
I think I've got that right it's called Leonard right the tromboner have you
seen it you've not seen the advert there's a little butter trombone player
that comes out he's a from the butter from the butter inside the butter he's
living in the butter yeah and he's made of butter.
He's made of butter.
Whoa, he's got a tough job.
He's got what?
Tough job.
A tough job.
I thought you said he had a turf job, and I was like, didn't know Lerpac had nailed
their colours to the mast in that debate.
Lovely, Lerpac.
Not a cream cheese? No, I do like a cream cheese, but it's a bit much.
It's a bit much for the Dream restaurant right now.
I'll tell you what puts me off cream cheese when you just get cream cheese on it in bagel
places is they call it a schmear.
Have you seen that?
S-H-M-E-A-R.
No.
Pretty gross, right?
Schmear.
It doesn't sound nice. Schmear.ear smear smear smear smear smear
what what are you looking at what i just want to see how long you can say schmear.
Well, this will be interesting.
Schmear. Don't love it as a word.
Sorry. I could go... Carry on.
No, because what we worked out is the longer we look at you,
the more times you will say schmear.
I couldn't think of anything else to say. Yes.
Schmear. Schmear.
What do you think about this? What?
Us in Leeds. Oh, okay.
Whoo!
Ha ha ha ha!
One bloke.
Oh, probably the same guy who was defending the Vimto statue.
I was in Leeds and I went to a place called the Doe Hut.
And I got a a donut bagel. It was a basically like a donut but filled with cream
cheese and chives and covered in the kind of stuff you'd maybe put on an everything bagel
and some sugar on there like donut sugar. It's one of the nicest things I've ever had. It was
absolutely delicious. I had it twice in four days. Wow. What do you think about that? Would you have it? No.
I don't think, no. I don't know. It was sweet and savory. No, it's a little bit of sweetness in there, but it's mainly, it's one of those savory and sweet things. Wow. But mainly savory I'd say.
Bagel, it's a sweet bagel. I call it a daigle, which I didn't like the name as much as I liked
the actual food. It's not as good as sh-mear. Sh-mear.
Bagel with a sh-mear.
No, stop.
I love bagels.
I have a bagel every morning for breakfast.
Do you?
Yeah.
And porridge.
Wow.
Yeah.
My friend was like, oh my god, I can't believe you have two breakfasts.
And I was like, what do you mean two breakfasts?
She's like, yeah, a bagel and porridge is two breakfasts.
But I just think it's one breakfast.
It's just my breakfast.
Oh, yeah?
It's two things.
Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. Because you're having it for breakfast. It's one think it's one breakfast. It's just my breakfast. Oh, yeah? It's two things.
Oh, I see what you mean, yeah.
Because you're having it for breakfast, it's one...
That's your breakfast.
Yeah, she was like,
I can't believe you have two breakfasts.
I think it's one breakfast.
Some people don't even have breakfast.
I think that's crazy.
People don't wake up hungry.
So I guess you're making up for the people
who don't have breakfast, which you do.
Yeah.
Single-handedly, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's one breakfast.
Thank you.
If you have it in one sitting, in the same place,
you don't have the bagel and then go through to another room
for the porridge.
Oh, well.
Well, well, well, sometimes.
Sometimes I might start in the kitchen
and then go and sit in front of the TV for the second course
of my breakfast.
Yeah, you're having two breakfasts.
Yeah. I think I would only do what you're having two breakfasts. Yeah.
I think I would only do what you do if I was in a hotel.
If I went to hotel breakfast, I would have a bagel
and then have porridge.
But in my own home, I'd probably choose pick a side.
OK, good to know.
Yeah.
How are you two getting on now?
I think as well as you two are, to be honest.
Amelia, let's get into your dream menu proper.
Your dream starter.
This was so difficult because I just would rather not have one.
We love to hear it.
I just think starters are overrated. Yes!
Who's getting on now, you fucking prick?
You have a fucking starter at breakfast.
Oh, yeah, I do. No, I do think that's starter at breakfast. Oh yeah, I do.
No, I do think that's just one breakfast.
Yeah, I sort of, I don't know, I never really have a starter.
I never really have a starter.
I feel like maybe it's just a bit of an underwhelming main.
It's a smaller main, sure, but why wouldn't you want a delicious small main before the
main? I just, and I also, I sort of always think, oh am I going to have room for pudding as well?
But yeah, and I don't know, and gosh it's all a bit much, but anyway if I did have to choose...
Don't have to, you can pass on this course. Can I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you, if you want to choose
something, if you want to give something a shout out, that's also, you can.
I don't know now.
Mm, tricky.
Oh my goodness.
It's your dream menu, whatever make you happiest.
Yeah.
But if you want to mention something, that's also cool.
Could I have something small?
Yeah, that's what a starter is, so yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, is someone mansplaining again?
Thank you you sisters.
That's me gesturing to my sisters. The queens.
We met plenty of queens in the first half didn't we hope that girl over there that Queen I fucking sham
That sister's doing all right over there
Have a dip thank you
Yeah, what did would you like
No, it's nothing to do with that it's nothing to do with, no, no. No, it's nothing to do with that. It's nothing to do with that.
Is it a secret ingredient?
No, it's just funny that usually when people have a dip,
there's something to dip in it.
But I love that you've just chosen a dip.
But also, what I was enjoying is you said, I'll have a dip.
And James obviously said, what kind of dip?
And you panicked as if he wasn't going to ask that question.
Sorry.
Satsuki.
Satsuki, lovely.
But you're not dipping anything in it, so it's really...
No, I'm spooning it into my mouth.
It's a shot, really, isn't it?
Oh, can I have the bagel?
Can I dip the bagel in?
Yeah, dip the bagel in.
Dip the bagel in the satsuki.
Dip the toast of bagel in, yeah.
I want it specifically from this restaurant that I love,
called Limonia in London.
Where abouts is that?
This street restaurant in Primrose Hill.
Nice.
And I go there for like every celebratory meal my family's had.
My parents had their wedding reception there.
It's a pretty nice place.
That's lovely.
It's a nice story.
It's a nice story, yeah.
And we wouldn't have got that story if we'd passed.
Really wouldn't, no.
On starter.
Exactly.
So I'm happy I said that.
What would you, if you were at, Limonia did you say is the name of the place?
If you were there, what would you be dipping in the satsuki?
Probably a bagel.
Take your own bagel with you.
Take my own bagel, yeah.
In little Tupperware.
Just the bread that they have there.
Nice.
Yeah.
That sounds lovely.
What a great starter.
Thank you.
What other things have your family celebrated there?
Birthdays. Oh, Yeah. That sounds lovely. What a great starter. Thank you. What other things have your family celebrated there? Birthdays. Oh I recently
organised a surprise party there last weekend for my best friend. Oh wow. It was good although
he didn't, he wasn't that surprised. Which is annoying, I wanted him to cry. Yeah. I
wanted tears on the arrival but nothing. Do you think he got suspicions when you said,
why don't you just come to this restaurant
where I have all my celebrities?
Yes.
No, actually, yeah.
Also, now I'm thinking, is it weird
that I took him to my favorite restaurant for his birthday?
Yeah.
And also, because it was in the upstairs room,
so as soon as we started going to the upstairs
room, it was like, oh, I know, we're going to the private upstairs room.
Yeah.
So it was a terrible idea, really.
Did he say beforehand, did he do guesses?
Yeah.
He did guesses.
He did.
He guessed.
So I didn't do very well with that, but anyway.
Well, I'm sure he was still very grateful.
Did he say thank you?
Yes.
Yes. He did. No, He did know he did. Yeah. Yeah, you seem to dislike him. No
No, I really like him. I like him. What's his name? Do you want to shout him out Felix?
So when Felix went into the party, yeah
What was the party was it just just down and having some food or did you put anything else?
Yeah balloons. Did you have like a big banner that said happy birthday?
No, no, that was just people sitting down, eating food.
Who was there?
Everyone, tell us everyone who was there.
Who watched me to name the people.
Yeah.
By name.
Can I also check if people had started eating before?
No, sorry.
No.
No, sorry.
No one had started eating.
Everyone was stood up, waiting.
Apparently they'd been there for ages,
because I told them I was going to be five minutes
when actually I was like 10 minutes.
So they'd been waiting ages with the cameras
and having to start the film, like recording
and then having to stop and record again.
And anyway, then I arrived and I was like,
surprise and he already knew.
And I think I was more surprised.
Marketers and business owners, you've been pining after a certain someone. My God. right now. Maybe under the duvet or at the back of the bus. Headphones on, one-on-one.
Podcast advertising is proven to be one of the best ways to catch their attention, so
surprise them while they're tuned in, while the moment's right. Say a line or two that
really gets them going. Next time, if you want to win over your special someone and
build some brand love, experiment with something new and Just focus on your voice. Advertise on more than 100,000 podcast shows with Acast.
Head to go.acast.com slash closer to get started.
Your dream main course.
Oh gosh, I forgot about that.
You forgot, hang on, what?
Yeah, she forgot.
Yeah, I forgot. Okay. my main would be pasta pomodoro
Ed is more of a pasta connoisseur than I I don't know what pasta pomodoro is could
pass with my sauce
Guy over there loves tomato sauce
Yeah, he loves it oh so do I get this Amelia This guy over there loves tomato sauce. Oh! Really?
Yeah, he loves it.
Oh, so do I.
Get this, Amelia.
Oh!
This guy over here, he ate...
Er, I mean, ate is a big word, isn't it?
He used 25 bottles of Heinz tomato ketchup in the space of...
How many months was it?
A few months. No, woo is not an answer and that's not you.
A few months, a few months.
A few months, a few months.
Picture!
I can't even imagine what the picture would be.
It's either you covered in tomato ketchup,
25 empty bottles of tomato ketchup,
you crying because you didn't get a reward.
I have no idea. He ate all these bottles and then he sent a message to Heinz saying,
I've eaten 25 bottles of ketchup in a few months.
And he was expecting a reward.
And they tweeted, I guess it was on Twitter, they tweeted him back saying, oh, cool.
No.
I didn't get anything. That's so underwhelming.
Yeah.
What was, what were you, were you just eating it with different food or just eating the ketchup?
I'd imagine, I'd imagine when he got towards the end he was just fucking necking it.
Respect. But I, just to let James know, I don't think that's the tomato sauce that's on Amelia's pasta.
Yeah, no. Not Heinz tomato sauce? No, no, no, no. Like slow-roasted tomatoes.
Nice. Yep. In the oven. Very nice. For two hours. Yeah. With salt, garlic, oil. Mush them
around. Put it on the pasta. I'm not precious about the shape of the pasta either. Are you
not? I don't. I love all pasta shapes. Don't discriminate. You must do there must be one way you get it and you're like
There must be a shape you don't enjoy
Maybe um, oh my god, what's it a tagliatelle? Oh
Shock in Manchester
Sorry, Amelia. I feel like you were forced into that and now the audience have turned on you
I just think it's I think
Don't like it's too it's too flat and
Lot like long and flatten you don't trust it. I don't like the shape. No, no, I don't know I don't really trust it. I can't believe that tagliatelle is so popular in Manchester
forking tagliatelle
It's fun to say.
I prefer a spaghetti, a linguini,
penne, even the
bow ties.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
They could be getting murdered.
And we're all like, yeah, yeah
fucking pisshead.
The fucking pisshead in the corner, ignore them.
But the best pasta pomodoro I've had was in Japan.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
This is huge.
Yeah, in Japan.
Me and my mom went to Japan for two weeks.
We didn't really, we didn't.
To explore the cuisine?
We didn't. We didn't really eat any Japanese
food oh my god when we were there I've never been to Japan I've heard that the
food is mind-blowingly good so I wouldn't know didn't have any but yeah no
me my mom me my mom quite picky with food. Hmm. Yeah, so why did you go to Japan?
Well, we want well because we wanted to see this to see the sights. Yes
See see it all see the cherry blossom see the last trains. That's good. All that's all all that see the fast trains
Yeah, that's all good
Where did you have this pasta pomodoro in Japan in this place called Nara where there's like this huge deer park?
in Japan. In this place called Nara where there's like this huge deer park. Oh I've heard of it.
I've been it's a wonderful place. Yeah and it was just an amazing Italian restaurant there.
Now Nara is amazing because you get you buy biscuits to feed the deer. They're like special deer biscuits you're not like hobnobs or anything. Yeah. And you go up to a deer with a biscuit and
they they bow before you give them the biscuit.
It's absolutely incredible. They're so polite. They're so polite and you can go and meet all these
deer. There's like thousands of the things and me and my wife both bought a packet of biscuits
and I turned around after about two minutes. My wife was behind me and she'd fed her entire packet
of biscuits to one deer. This deer just kept going, he's like, he's just so nice.
He's looking about 12 quid those biscuits. One deer gonna shit himself to death.
The great Benito does that, we feed him biscuits and he doesn't bow and then we feed him a
biscuit. At the end of every podcast record there's a little reward for him. Some people do get rewards, sorry man. Now look obviously when I went I love Japanese food
so I was very excited but also what is amazing about Japan is with their cuisine they're
so detailed whatever cuisine it is. So there's like some of the best French restaurants in
the world are in Tokyo so I can see it being an amazing Italian restaurant that make the best pasta pomodoro.
It's probably a great show.
I did have some yakisoba noodles in the tube station.
They had apparently one of the best yakisoba restaurants in Tokyo is in one of the tube
stations and it was really nice.
My mum quite liked it because it's sort of the tube stations. And it was really nice. My mom quite liked it, because it's sort of pastry-esque.
So, you said your mom was a picky eater.
You and your mom are both picky eaters, you said.
Kind of, yeah.
Has this been a thing you've enabled each other
over the years?
Is there a history here?
Yeah, yeah, she is.
Yeah, I grew up in a house where we didn't,
like my parents don't cook.
And we would have like ready meals almost every evening,
but my mom would never let us get a microwave.
So they would always be in the oven,
which I actually think makes them taste better.
Yeah?
For longer.
And then if we weren't having that,
we'd be having pasta, yeah.
I never really, food was not a big part of my life growing up.
And your mom still isn't really into food?
No, not really.
I mean, and she doesn't cook at all.
She literally has a plaque in the kitchen
that says, I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
Ha ha ha!
That's good stuff.
Yeah, they just don't really cook.
I love signs like that.
Yeah?
Yeah, they're funny.
Have you got a funny sign?
I don't think you've got any funny signs in your house.
I'm going to get a funny sign.
Have you got a toilet because you came to the house?
Yeah.
Like gin o'clock or something, I'm gonna get a gin o'clock sign.
Gin o'clock's funny. Gin o'clock's good.
My grandad had a certificate up in the kitchen saying that he was
the Northern Ireland junior champion of washing up.
Is that true?
It's not apparent. I used to believe it as a kid.
And then it turns out he'd had it made.
Oh, what?
It's gonna be really impressive.
He did also claim to be the Northern Ireland
Junior Champion of everything.
My mom does make me little salads.
Like when she makes me food at home, she'll make us,
I like, I've been recently saying,
oh, can I have like a bit of salad with the pasta?
And then she makes me, she made me these salads
and she make, it's like three pieces of lettuce,
half a cherry tomato, and like a sliver of cucumber
in a ramekin dish.
It's like for a hamster or something.
When asked about this, did she just think
it was normal to have done that?
What, to do tomato?
Did you say, mom, this is absolutely tiny?
You're kidding me.
You know, she said it was normal, yeah. She said it was a side salad, so she just made a little mini salad.
And, like, you know the things you make creme brulee in?
Yeah, that was what the salad was in.
Did you crack the top of the salad first?
Yeah, always.
Always got to.
Your mum's the only person who buys goo puddings and goes,
that'll be useful as a salad bowl.
Literally. Yeah, literally.
Goo straight in the bin.
Don't like that.
Rinse it out.
So what was so amazing about this pasta then in Japan
that made it so much better than all the other pasta
pomodores you've ever had?
I just think also the fact that I was in Japan.
And just for me, OK, for me, eating out restaurants,
it's actually more about like the vibe
and the restaurant and the ambiance
and the people rather than the food,
which maybe sounds crazy.
No, I completely understand that.
For me, I'm not really that much of a foodie,
so for me, there's so many other elements
to what makes eating out mean something than the actual food itself.
I guess as a plus, the food is nice.
Yeah, I mean, I said, as you were saying, I do understand that, but I just want to clear
that I think the opinion is wrong.
It's wrong, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, the opinion's wrong.
Because if the food's good, I would eat it in a ditch with some convicted murderers.
Really? Okay, I would not would eat it in a ditch with some convicted murderers really
Okay, I would not yeah, no, yeah
Yeah with murderers. Yeah, like the worst ones as well. Oh my gosh
He would do that It's not even exaggerating for comic if someone said this place does the best burger ever
Yeah, and then I turn up and it's like all of the biggest serial killers of all time
Yeah, and I've got a chat to them about their crimes. Yeah, I'll be like, yeah and fries on the side, please. Yeah
He would do it. Yeah, I mean how good would the food have to be for you to have to share it?
With let's go for the craze
The Cray twins. Yes. Oh to have to share it with, let's go for the craze.
The Cray twins.
Yes.
Oh, I've always wanted to meet them, actually.
LAUGHING
I have.
They're quite glamorous. Yeah, they seem cool, yeah.
I don't know, yeah, so maybe not there with them, yeah.
I wouldn't mind.
How about this? Oh, no.
Oh.
Have you ever had a guest on chicken shop dates
who was so much of a scumbag that you
weren't able to eat your food?
Oh.
I only really nibble anyway.
I'm nibbling, yeah, because I'm just thinking of my questions
the whole time.
Most people don't actually eat when they're on the show.
We just put the box in front of them.
They forget to eat.
Is there food in there?
Yeah, there's food in there
Where's it go? Well, then the crew eats it afterwards
Yeah, don't ever have James on that show. He's saying nothing back to you. He's answering no questions
I've had pasta pomodoro all over the world everywhere I've been
Everywhere I've been I've had it all over and sometimes not a good idea.
Can you take us through the best pasta pomodoro and take us through the league table right
down to the worst pasta pomodoro?
As we know, best Japan.
Tick.
Worst...
Cuba.
Another nation famous for its own cuisine?
Yeah, I just shouldn't have done it.
But I just couldn't resist.
Had to try it.
I had to try it. And I'd been in Cuba for a month at this point and I was just like,
I just really want some pasta bolognese. But it was horrible.
What was so bad about it?
I don't think it was pasta maduro
I think it was something else. I think it was some kind of play dough or something
Yeah, I'll work against it. It wasn't good
Yeah, but this thing is they have everywhere all over the world pasta maduro universal
It's good fake favorite dish to have really I can eat it every day. I can eat it for I could eat it all day
Every day, honestly, I could have every single day. You could add it to, every day. Honestly, I could have it every single day.
You could add it to your one breakfast.
Yeah, I could.
I could have it as the third course.
No, I probably couldn't have a breakfast, but I love it.
I really love it.
So that's why it'd be my main meal.
I'd watch that as a series, a new series,
pass the Pomodoro across the world with the movie
De Mogenberg.
Yes.
OK, cool.
I'll make that.
Just you walk.
Isn't that how it's done, isn't it?
TV, you just go, yeah, I'll do that.
You probably could do that.
Yeah.
You could use the chicken shop crew,
because they just work for food anyway by the sound of things.
Yeah, yeah, they do.
And they can order slurp-hop, like the leftover pomodoro at the end.
It's also the only dish I can make.
Yeah, because when you described it at the top there, I was like...
I know, it sounded legit, didn't it?
You've definitely made this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've made it.
But it's the only thing I can make, yeah.
So, Honan, for your dream meal, you're having the one from Japan, you're not having your own one?
I'll have...
I'm not fussy.
It's a dream.
I'll have the one... I'll have the one from Japan, sure.
I'll do that one, yeah.
And in Japan, did they grate any cheese over the top? Is that something you enjoy?
Yes. Ooh, no, I like to grate my own cheese, please.
OK. So you want the one from Japan,
but you'd like to grate your own cheese.
Yes. And I would like the grater and the cheese.
I don't want the grated cheese already.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't want a pot of grated cheese.
I want the block of cheese and the grater.
I'm not doing it myself.
Why are you so specific that you want to grate it yourself?
Do you have a special style?
No, it's well, no, it's just because I feel like whenever cheese is grated for me,
I always want more but then I'm too embarrassed to be like,
yeah, like I want more.
So I say that's fine, but actually it's not.
Well, let's so I'll play the waiter.
Okay.
And I'll start to grate.
No, because I don't, this is the thing.
This is when it gets complicated because now I'm already like awkward and embarrassed. So you feel awkward about...
I feel awkward now already with it. Okay, well let's imagine I'm the waiter. Okay.
And I'm grating the cheese. No, I don't want you to grate the cheese.
No, I know you don't want me to, but let's pretend we're in a restaurant and how long
in your dream world would he be grating for? Oh, okay. Don't do that. Sorry.
I couldn't think of any other way to mime-grate.
LAUGHTER
HE SIGHS
Fuck it, Al.
OK. Sorry.
There is no way. Anyone who had that view of it, then.
I apologise.
There is no way of mime-ing grating
without it looking fucking awful.
I'll just imagine.
I can't look, Amelia.
I can see why you were preemptively awkward.
This is why I didn't want this to happen.
Yeah, I'm on your side.
Is that all right?
No, not in any way is that all right.
Just maybe like, maybe 20 seconds.
20 seconds?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how long it takes anyway.
That's good, I respect that.
That is a lot of cheese to be grating for 20 seconds.
So you want a proper covering of the cheese.
Yeah, until it's basically macaroni cheese.
Nice.
Are we thinking parmesan?
Parmesan, yes.
Parmesan.
What do you think about a basil leaf on top of a pasta pomodoro?
I love a basil leaf on top. Really? I don't know how I feel about it.
Psych! You thought you were about to bond then?
What do you think of a basil leaf on top? I love it. I don't like it.
This is the everything bagel all over again.
I think it's always like wilted.
Yeah.
And I don't, I just always think I go, whoop, take it off, put it on the side, doop.
And then it's just there. No one doesn't, says, it's there.
I suppose it's not, yeah. It's not adding much to the flavour I suppose.
No, I think it's weird.
What if it was not wilted and it was a fresh delicious basil leaf?
Oh, I don't know. I don't think so.
Still?
Still take it off, yeah.
Doop, boop, boop.
Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop.
The thing is that's fun to do, isn't it? So would you rob yourself of that?
Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop.
Are you a basil noise?
Well...
You're playing basil tetris.
Oh, yeah.
Doop, doop. LAUGHTER Yeah, so no no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no.
No, no.
No, no.
No, no.
No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, never any pepper. And then for so long, I thought, I just didn't really know about seasoning really at all.
Cause my, where my mom would make vegetables,
it would just be in the boiling water,
then drained onto the plate.
Like nothing, not eat.
Like, yeah.
And then I recently found out about putting butter on
and salt and pepper.
How recently, Amelia?
Like a few years ago yeah. Wow. Also okay
I've only ever had Christmas in London once every other time it's been in
Manchester actually with my family and the time we had in London I was like to
my dad because my dad was gonna make the Christmas dinner for the first time and
I said okay I think maybe you should have if you're gonna make the roast
potatoes you should put garlic in the roast potatoes, because I've heard that that's what you do.
So I brought garlic over to the house.
My dad put garlic in the roast potatoes, and then my mum refused to eat the potatoes because it had garlic in.
And then when I was leaving to go back home, she gave me the garlic and she was like,
you have to take this home with you, I can't have it in the house.
What a way to find out your mum's a vampire.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, she wouldn't even keep it in the house.
She wouldn't keep the garlic in the house, no.
But pasta pomodoro's got fucking garlic in it.
Yeah, I know.
And she gobbles that up, right?
Well.
She gobbles that up?
Yeah.
I don't know.
No, I don't know if she actually eats pasta pomodoro.
I thought you had it in Japan with her. Yeah, but I had it.
What did she have?
The deer biscuits.
Bowing to herself every time.
I don't know. Maybe she had, I don't know what she had.
Maybe she had like a carbonara or something.
Yeah, a different pasta dish.
Different pasta, yeah.
So now you, even though you discovered salt and pepper,
you still don't want black pepper on the pasta pomodoro?
No, I don't.
Although it is quite funny when you see a comically large
pepper grinder, isn't it?
Or is it?
Or is it like, what?
Do you want me to mime it?
Yeah.
Go on.
Yeah, if the guest wants you to mime it, you have to mime it.
Do it.
No, I mean comically large.
Gotta be bigger than that.
Yeah, that doesn't look...
I'll be honest, I thought this was large.
Not for a pepper grinder.
Okay.
You'd have to do it like that, really, wouldn't you?
That's bigger than anyone I've ever seen before.
Same.
Yeah, but it is.
It's a good, really good action there, Ed. Thank you. Just say when.
Okay, stop. Stop now. Stop, right, thank you. The garlic thing, my wife's granddad absolutely hates
garlic. He's from Sheffield. Yeah, he's an absolute legend, this guy, but if you tell him garlic's enemy, there's that oh, no, I don't like garlic absolutely not
No way
And then if my mother-in-law makes him something she'll put garlic in it
But just not tell him and every single time he cleans the plate. He's like, oh, that's delicious. There's a really interesting flavor
I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's absolutely...
Oh, Kathy, it's absolutely delicious.
I could... Can I have more of that? I'm licking the plate over here.
What is that flavour?
Oh, God. I love his voices.
Your dream side dish, Amelia?
Oh, my dream side dish is...
Chicken nuggets! Woo! Oh, my dream side dish is chicken nuggets.
Woo!
You seem so tired of having to say that.
No, no, because I thought it was a bit obvious,
but it is my side dish.
It genuinely is.
Yeah, just for no reason in particular, but.
Okay.
But you do genuinely love it.
I love chicken nuggets, yeah, I love chicken nuggets.
I eat them all the time, on chicken shop day,
off chicken shop day. I don't really like chicken on the bone, I love chicken nuggets. I eat them all the time on chicken shop day off chicken shop day
I don't really like chicken on the bone mean either
Yeah, don't like it. He has to go at me for it. Yeah, you guys need to fucking suck it up. I
Just don't like the consistency. I think it's I love much prefer a boneless or a breast
nugget
Situation don't like a leg, don't like a thigh.
What else do you have?
Wings.
No, no, nugget.
Is it a genuinely consistency thing,
or is it weird for you to have the bone in there
because then you think of it being an animal?
Which one is it?
Oh no, don't mind that.
No.
No.
But I don't like this, it gets a bit slimy.
I mean, so what about boneless thighs?
I think that's probably the best cut.
The thighs are the best.
Aren't all thighs bone?
Is there a bone in?
Oh, yeah.
So, yeah, just checking.
There's a bone in there.
Yes.
I'm suddenly very pro mansplaining.
Just checking that.
If you have a bone in your thigh,
when you get up at the end of the podcast,
you'd fall straight on the floor.
Oh, gosh.
Yes, chicken nuggets.
Chicken nuggets.
From a particular place?
Is it a Mackey Dee's chicken nugget?
I think Morley's has the best chicken nuggets.
Woo.
And also McDonald's do have really good nuggets as well.
How many nugs are you getting from McDonald's
if you're going?
Cause they, what's the, you can get 24 nugs, can't you?
Oh, I wouldn't get 24.
I'd get six.
Six nugs.
But sometimes I get happy meal, so I get four.
Yeah.
Ripple went across the crowd there.
Yeah, they weren't sure about that.
The four, does four just come with a happy meal or?
I think four is a Happy Meal, yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
How often are you getting a Happy Meal?
Uh, I'll probably normally get a Happy Meal if I go to McDonald's.
Yeah.
What are you getting with the toy?
Oh, just to keep them at home.
Ha ha ha ha.
Give it to Felix for his birthday.
And a fruit shoot. So you get a fruit shoot in the Happy Meal. birthday. And a fruit shoot.
So you get a fruit shoot in the Happy Meal.
You can choose fruit shoot, yeah.
You can choose, okay.
What else do you get in that?
Chips.
I will just say this, I haven't had a Happy Meal since I was seven, so.
Oh, sucks to be you.
Yeah, you know McDonald's apparently are the largest toy distributors in the world.
Sorry, we should have explained Grimace is in the crowd tonight.
Yes, that's someone who's recently told a friend that and been told they're full of shit.
Yes, thank you.
I was actually thinking recently, like, what did, in these situations, like, when you say a fact and then your friend's like,
no, that's not true, before people had Google and could have, like, look on their phone, like, what happened?
Do you think...
We can actually tell you.
Yeah.
Sorry to say that we do remember those times.
Oh, yeah.
It just meant that the whole night was one discussion.
And you spent the whole night just going like,
oh, but, oh, because there was a thing.
What was the thing?
You know the thing I'm talking about.
And you were there, and you were just all going insane
collectively.
And then you'd have to, it would go on for ages.
It would go on beyond that one night.
You'd see someone the next day.
You'd go, do you know what Amelia said?
That McDonald's are the biggest toy distributors in the world and that they'll go I
Think I heard that somewhere. Did you where'd you heard it? Oh, I can't remember now and then you just never know
Yeah, and then eventually we got the internet and we could all just like when we originally got the internet all of us spent a week
Just getting up to speed
And imagine this like you'd have to go to the toilet and just go to the toilet.
Do you?
I don't Google on the toilet.
Do you?
You don't Google on the toilet?
No.
You're not on your phone on the toilet?
No.
You're not on your phone?
No.
You're not YouTubing?
No.
What are you doing?
I'm just going on the toilet.
Really? Yeah. I don't think
You're sat there on your phone watching YouTube on the toilet. Yeah. Yeah, like the other day I had to like consciously
Decide I'm gonna leave my phone in the living room. I'm gonna go for a shit. Yeah, and
Like it was like the first time I'd like had a shit for ages like I've done a lot of shit, but time I'd had a shit for ages. Like, I'd done a lot of shits, but I hadn't had a shit. Oh.
Yeah.
Wow.
I really felt like this was mine.
You experienced it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was present for it.
Well, I need my phone on the toilet,
because every time me and Nish have a shit,
we text each other about it.
Which is really weird, because they're back to back. We had to have a specially built toilet.
What do you text like, I'm having a shit?
Yeah, like, normally if Nish does a really bad one, depending on where he is, say he was at the Manchester O2 Apollo, he'd text me and I'd know he'd had a shit because he'd say, so sorry Manchester O2 Apollo.
That's like the code.
Yes.
I've had a shit. So your chat history is just shit, shit, shit.
Yeah, yeah.
I've had a shit, yeah.
Cool.
Two days ago, I rang Nish and he answered by going,
gonna level with you, Jimmy?
I'm having a shit.
Don't answer the phone, man.
Just don't answer it.
Just ring me back when you're not shitting.
How's that for an idea?
Try it.
I've vaped on the toilet the other day. That was a low point. Oh my god.
Really?
Because you're a YouTube sensation though, for you,
it's looking at YouTube a bit of a busman's holiday, so you're not gonna wanna look at it on the toilet.
It's like work.
No, but I don't have my phone on the toilet.
I'm scared it'd fall in. There's no chance of the phone falling in when I'm on the toilet. It's like work. No, but I don't have my phone on the toilet. I'm scared it'd fall in
Now no chance of the phone falling in when I'm on the toilet
No, no Ed's smells so bad. He could let go of the phone and it would just hover there
It's actually a plus
Like this text like that. I could put both hands behind my head and it just hovers like something at the Jetsons.
Google it, Google it when you can. Thank God I can do that.
So you want the Morley's chicken nuggets, six of them? Yes please. Dipping sauces? Ketchup.
I bet now what's really going to be galling is because you're on this podcast talking about ketchup. Hines are gonna send you so many rewards.
I remember in lockdown Hines sent me like a crate of mayonnaise.
That stings even more
Than if it was ketchup. Yeah
That is perfect Even more than if it was ketchup. Yeah.
That is perfect.
This is the guy who wanted to be sent loads of Heinz ketchup.
It was his dream.
And you got sent Heinz mayonnaise,
which is even better.
I did.
Because he wishes he had get the ketchup.
And you could have got the ketchup, but you didn't.
You chose to have mayonnaise instead.
Well, I didn't choose to have mayonnaise.
Oh, what happened?
They sent me mayonnaise.
Why? Why had you been?
I don't know why. I honestly, to this day, I don't know why. I got a crate of mayonnaise.
Like, honestly, so much mayonnaise.
You hadn't even chatted out mayonnaise or Heinz?
No, I hadn't.
How did they get your address?
Maybe through my manager. I don't know.
So your manager got a request from Heinz saying, we want to sell a medium of mayonnaise.
And they went, yes, here's her home address.
Sometimes when they reach out, they
won't tell you what it is they're going to send you.
They'll just ask for your address.
Well, now I don't do that kind of stuff.
Now I wouldn't just give people my address.
But I think back then I was like, let's take it.
What were you hoping for from Heinz?
Probably ketchup. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, they're very withholding from that.
Yeah, they don't do that.
Oh, and I got a mug as well.
A mug that said Heinz mayonnaise on it.
So which I quite appreciate, a mug.
Yeah.
I don't think I could drink tea or coffee out of a mug
that said mayonnaise on it.
That would feel really weird.
Really weird, yeah.
You'd start thinking you were drinking mayonnaise. Yeah.
But you're not. No, you're not.
No, in the story I wasn't. OK.
What were you drinking in the story? Tea or coffee.
I've made it very clear.
You two are getting on my fucking nerves.
Just wanted to know what you're drinking in the story.
Yeah, I said at the beginning.
Do you guys like chicken nuggets?
Yes, I do.
If I go to McDonald's, I do rarely go to McDonald's, I'd say.
If I do go to McDonald's, I will normally.
But I'll normally get chicken nuggets,
because I think chicken nuggets, chicken selects.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe selects is what I'd go for,
but I think they're the only two good things on the menu now.
I had a Big Mac the other day, because every so often,
I'd say once a year I'm like-
Thought you didn't go to McDonald's?
Huh?
Thought you didn't really go to McDonald's?
I didn't really go to McDonald's.
You don't really go?
You don't really go to McDonald's?
No, this was my one year, this was my one in a year.
Okay, cool.
It just happened to be the other day, Amelia.
Right.
Jesus fucking Christ.
How often are you going in the story?
You know what this feels like now it feels like I'm being bullied by a brother and sister
They carry on carry on thank you. I got a Big Mac because I very nostalgic for Big Macs, but they're fucking horrible
I don't know if they've gone downhill or whether they were always horrible
It was like eating two three drinks coasters stacked on top of each other
No, no, I agree. That sounds horrible. It selects. You wouldn't go select. No, some doesn't have a select
Yeah, but usually I have a nugget. Yeah, so when you said
That was a lie was it?
There's a big hole in that story. Okay
Do you want to say something?
I'll back to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do I step in it?
What I gathered from what Amelia was saying
is that she will always have the nuggets,
but very, very occasionally... Yeah.
..might have a chicken til later.
Well, then you don't know what the word always means.
It's hard, though, when you're on the move
to have a chicken nugget and dip with a little ketchup dip.
If you're on the move and you've got the nuggets and the dip,
it's really challenging.
That's something I would say.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha.
I've got this opportunity to speak on it.
Yeah.
And I would say it's quite challenging to do it all.
Do you have a technique for being on the move and dipping?
Balancing.
Balancing.
Yeah.
Oh, OK.
Open.
OK, you've got the box.
Open the box.
Put the ketchup in the other side of the box.
And then you can hold it like that and you can dip like that.
Do you want me to mime the dipping?
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a big nugget.
Ooh, yeah.
Yeah.
Big nugget, isn't it?
Lovely.
Your dream drink, Amelia?
This was kind of hard too, because I feel like,
I like so many different drinks,
but I've recently got into drinking Aperol Spritz.
Popular choice.
And I never used to like it. I always just think it tasted like fairy liquid. Drinking Aperol Spritz. Woo! Popular choice.
And I never used to like it. I always just think it tasted like fairy liquid.
And then I was at a wedding recently and they sort of only really had Aperol Spritz.
And I drank it and I loved it.
I feel like it gets you the right amount of drunk.
Yeah. What's the...
Just sort of like tipsy in a good way. It doesn you tired I like I just I like how it makes me feel no matter how many you have
Your tipsy all night. Yeah, James has been looking for that thing for ages. That's what I've been chasing my whole life. I
Love the sound of this. I mean I've had a process I get I mean maybe you felt like this at the wedding when it was
The only option like there's a few weddings do this now
We're like the first drink that they send out after the ceremony. Just a parole spritz and you're looking around like surely
There's something else it surely
Surely you're not thinking all of us like this
Well, it's such a specific text. I thought to you
They sometimes say things like this might have been what happened at this wedding.
They'll go like, oh, well, we're all having apparel spritz
because that's what we had on our first date.
And you're like, well, then you've got terrible taste.
People like different things.
A pair of teeth?
A pair of teeth?
A pair of teeth?
I've got a joke.
Okay, ready?
What did the toothless man order at the bar?
Okay, now you've given away the punch line, haven't you?
No, no, no, no, no, this is good. This is good. This is good.
Don't go thinking you know the punch line already. That's funny.
He loves it. Great.
Go on.
That's a good joke.
What did you think?
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
What did the two-first man order at the bar?
A baritif.
Yay.
That's good.
That's a good one.
It is good, actually.
That's funny.
We arrived at your dream dessert.
Very exciting.
I know that this is going to be good.
You've already said that, you know, you didn't want to start because you want room for dessert exactly. It's very exciting
Very exciting. My dessert is gonna be you know, those
Chocolate pots that have half of the buttons that you tip in
You know, I mean you get them from the supermarket, they're like...
Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't think I do know what... what do you mean?
Oh I've actually got them here. Oh great, thank you. I got three for...
Oh I appreciate this. Oh thank you. Oh yeah, okay great. Oh a Cadbury Flake,
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Great.
Oh, a Cadbury Flake.
Oh, yeah, like a little dessert.
Yeah, because I'm trying to figure out what they're called, but they're called chocolate dessert.
But that still doesn't explain it.
Well, they do say Cadbury Flake on them.
Cadbury Flake with a milk chocolate dessert.
But I like I don't I forgot spoons.
I forgot spoon.
I forgot spoons now so you could
Yeah, can we just say something about these sorts of things yeah look I'm all on board for this yes
So they put on the front a picture of a spoon
Yeah, James I've got some great chat coming up here man. Are you just licking the lead?
They are good aren't they? I think we better watch what is about to happen Amelia because
I'm just trying to figure out. Tip it in first. Huh? Tip it in first. I've shot it. I can shot this.
I'll shot it. I can shot this
Yeah, pretty sure I can shot this yeah, it's uh, I think you can try
Excited about this. Yeah, I'll try my best
Squeeze squeeze squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. Yeah. What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you just shut it?
Yeah.
Delicious.
Don't need a spoon.
Thank you, Amelia.
You're welcome.
It's incredible.
Yeah.
So anyway, that's my dessert.
That's amazing.
Now I like all because you can get all different kinds of flake,
whisper, buttons,
rolo, all kinds, depends what you feel like.
Now, rolo doesn't have the... It's just the...
No, I thought before you used to be able to get ones that had...
You could tip them in, but maybe they've stopped doing them.
Oh.
See, I'm only familiar with the rolo dessert.
I spat on myself. It's just...
It's just... Because that Rolo dessert,
I think, is one of the best desserts in the world.
That's incredible.
Someone's dream dessert on the Dream Manis from the audience tonight
was a four-pack of Rolo desserts.
Oh, really?
Absolutely fully justified.
That is, like, a very acceptable answer for the best dessert.
When I was a kid, there wasn't these, right?
But we had, obviously, the... What was it called? The one where you just had plain yoghurt and there was fruit compote on the best dessert. When I was a kid, there wasn't these right, but we had obviously the, what was it called, the one where you just had like plain yogurt and there was fruit compote on the
other side. Yeah, like a Muller Corner. But they did what they've done here, which is they show a
picture of the spoon with the other thing directly on top of it and it says serving suggestion, right?
Now, in the adverts for Muller Corner, and this genuinely annoyed me as a child, right?
I'm sure it did. This now feels like a diagnosis of something.
They would show a spoonful of yogurt
with a spoonful of the compote perfectly on top
with like yogurt around the outside.
So it's like someone who put the compote on the yogurt
and I spent hours trying to get that.
There was no way of doing it.
Well, if you get another spoon.
No, fuck that, man.
Then they should have shown that on the ad.
That's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable, yeah.
It's easier with the flake, of course,
because you can pick them up and put them on top.
Well, no, you just tip.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you're a tipper.
You like to tip.
I like to tip.
Yeah, and this is the thing that I always bring to a dinner party
Is I'll arrive and I'll bring as many as there are with as many people
I there are bring enough desserts for everyone. It always honestly it it goes down really well
I bet it does actually it does because I like oh
Yeah, and then but then but yeah, but then one time,
the one time I had a surprise birthday thrown for myself,
I went to my friend's, Felix actually, his house,
and I thought I was just having dinner with him
and my one other friend.
So I arrived, as usual, with three of these dessert pots.
And as I walked in, everyone went, surprise! And I burst out crying and I was like, I've only got three dessert pots. And as I walked in, everyone went, surprise.
And I burst out crying.
And I was like, I've only got three dessert pots.
But these are your number one of all the different
cabri desserts.
Cabri flake is your number one.
Well, no, it's just the only one they had in the shop.
I think maybe I go buttons.
But to be fair, I do love a flake.
I was thinking about doing a Mr. Whippy with a flake as my dessert
But because I love flakes, but then I went with this instead
I'm I would like to do if you would humor me if you could do your
Like a proper league table rankings of these kind of desserts because people haven't chosen these desserts before
I think seems to be quite the time. No one's chosen this before?
No.
And you're kind of saying you know all the different ones.
I would love to know the proper.
Well, I think classic buttons might be number one.
I think Flake is number two.
Whisper, I don't know how I feel about Whisper in general.
Do you ever buy a Whisper bar?
Whisper Gold, I would say, is up there
in my top five chocolate bars,
but the straight up Whisper, probably not.
Yeah, so maybe that's a bit,
did they used to do chunky ones?
No, crunchy, sorry, crunchies.
Did they?
Did they used to do crunchy ones?
Maybe they did crunchy ones.
Two blokes who look like each other
have nodded in the front row.
Yeah.
I think crunchy's up there as well.
Maybe crunchy's number two.
And, cause it's like the texture of the crunchy
with the chocolate dessert. Yeah, so maybe crunchy's number two and because it's like the texture of the crunchy with the
chocolate dessert yeah so maybe crunchies number two and then flakes number three
whispers number four. Fredo. They do a Fredo one. Fredo yes gosh maybe Fredo's number one.
Hold on what's the... They're just bits of Fredo's body. It's mini Fredo's isn't it mini
Fredo's? It's mini Fredo's because if it's like dismember just bits of Freddo's body. It's mini Freddo's. Isn't it mini Freddo's? Oh, it's mini Freddo's.
Because if it's like dismembered bits of Freddo, it feels like you're disposing of his body.
Yeah, and eating it.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe Freddo's number one then.
Huh?
Dime.
They do dime one.
Dime.
Oh, I don't know if I like dime.
Is the dime one just chocolate, dessert, and then you put the...
Amelia, do you remember when you asked what was it like before everyone had Google?
LAUGHTER
I also just think they're such a good size, you know, they're just small.
Yeah.
I like having something sweet after like pretty much every meal.
Yeah, good on you. Absolutely, me too.
My mouth feels like weird, otherwise.
I feel like we actually are really similar
Yeah with our notes. Yeah, we're really similar already similar. I
Knew that for a minute one of this podcast
Yeah But I can't believe that rollo dessert isn't even cracking the top five here. Oh, yeah, but then sure I'll put it in there
You don't have to. I did
forget about it. I did forget about it. I do love it because of the consistency when you bite into
it. It is good. Let's put it number three. Oh that went quite well. I also would like to shout out
the the Milky Bar dessert. I think that's very good. I don't think I've had that one.
It's so good. It's just like...
All it is is just the pudding.
It's not got anything to put in it.
It's just... But it tastes amazing.
Does it taste like a Milky Bar? Yeah.
Wow.
That consistency, but it tastes like a Milky Bar.
I could eat ten of them and not even think about it.
Whoa.
Gone. Shotted. I'd shot all of them one after the other about it. Whoa. Gone. Shotted.
I'd shot all of them one after the other,
and that's my own surprise party for myself.
Ha ha ha.
Right.
I'm going to read your menu back to you now, Amelie.
Let's see how you feel about it.
OK.
OK, you would like tap water from your grandparents' shower,
a smooth bagel toasted with Le Pack.
Starter tzatziki with, oh from Limonia.
Main course, pasta pomodoro from the Italian restaurant in Nara, Japan.
Parmesan grated by yourself.
Side dish, six Morley's chicken nuggets with ketchup.
Drink Aperol spritz and dessert.
A cabri chocolate dessert. Freddo is currently number one.
How do you feel about that?
Delicious.
The off menu menu of Amelia de Moldeberg!
Thank you so much!
Amelia de Moldeberg, everybody!
Thank you so much, Manchester!
Thank you for coming.
We'll see you soon, bye!
Have a nice week.
Bye bye. Bye! Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
There we are, thank you so much to Amelia,
and of course, I mean, you already watch it,
but please watch Amelia DeMoldenburg's
Chicken Shop Date on YouTube.
Yes, get on there now.
If you haven't watched it already,
come on, what are you doing?
And whenever there's a big fancy event, do watch Amelia's red carpet coverage and interviews
with people. Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week with another live episode
from my residency in Manchester. Bye bye.
Goodbye.
Hello, listener.
Is it me you're looking for?
As brands, we're always wanting to make a connection, to find the person you can rely
on, the one that's there every week, month, or year, and always has your back when you
need them the most.
It's a little like matchmaking, don't you think?
With Acast Podcast Ads, you can filter
for your exact dream audience
so you can find the ideal customer for your business.
The Romeo to your Juliet, the Rachel to your Ross,
the Burt to your Ernie,
and avoid those red flags and time wasters.
Your ads can communicate with them
in the most intimate way possible,
a one-on-one conversation, at
the back of the bus, a chance meeting in the gym, or a coffee shop. So go on, give it a
try. With over hundreds of thousands of listens a month, your person is probably here. Get
closer to your audience. Make podcast ads with Acast. Head to go.acast.com slash closer
to get started.
Hello, I'm Sarah Pascoe. And I'm Cariad Lloyd.
You might remember us from the peak of our careers,
appearing on the excellent Off Menu podcast.
It's the greatest we've ever felt,
and we know we'll never achieve that again.
But if you remember those episodes and enjoyed what we did,
you might be a fan of our book choices
and our new comedy podcast, Sarah and Carrie Edds Weirdos Book Club.
Imagine us not talking about food but talking about books.
But with the comedians you know from off-menu like Nish Kumar, John Kern, Sophie Juker and more.
We're not copying them, we're doing our own thing.
It's totally different.
It's about books.
It's about books. But there's no genies involved.
It's a space for the lonely outsider to feel accepted and appreciated.
I just like James A. Custer's bedroom genies involved. It's a space for the lonely outsider to feel accepted and appreciated. Just like James A Custer's bedroom. Eww! A place for the
person who'd love to be in a real book club but doesn't like wine or nibbles.
You can read along, share your opinions or just skulk around in your raincoat
like the weirdo you are. Thank you for reading with us. We like reading with you.