Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 238: Katy Wix
Episode Date: April 3, 2024Ghosts star (and Ed’s Taskmaster rival) Katy Wix is this week’s guest in the rest(aurant). Did the genie sneak any worms in her food? Katy Wix’s book ‘Delicacy’ is out now, published by Head...line. Buy it here. Follow Katy on Instagram @really_katywix and Twitter @wixkatyRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
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Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're currently listening to.
I am on tour now. The show is called Hot Diggity Dog. Make sure you go and get yourself a ticket.
I'm probably coming to a town near you if you live in the UK and Ireland and Ireland,
Dublin and Belfast. Do go to Edgamble.co.uk, buy yourself a ticket and I'll see you for
an evening of Hot Diggity Dog.
Hot Diggity Dog!
Thank you, James.
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Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the beef mints of conversation, the tomato of
the internet, the kidney beans of friendship and the chilli powder of having a lovely chat.
It's chilli con carne, but there's so many ingredients that you need for chilli con carne
that it really threw me, James.
That's it, Gamble.
My name is James A. Castor together we own a dream restaurant and
every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them their favourite ever
start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order. Not chilli without rice.
And this week our guest is Katie Wicks. Katie Wicks wonderful comedian actor
author she does it all James former rival former rival on taskmaster
Your slain foe. Yes my slain foe
She was brilliant on that show. She's brilliant on everything to be honest
She's one of a select a group of comedy actors who if she's in it, I know it's gonna be good
Yeah, and you know what? Not only do you know it's gonna be good. You know that Katie Wicks is gonna be good in it
Well, that's why it's good cuz Katie Wicks is good in it, you know what I mean?
That's why it's good, that's why it's good. And we're very excited about Katie Wicks coming on this podcast,
but here's the thing, even though Ed has already slain Katie on another show.
Is she a ghost? That's why she's a ghost, because she lost to me on Taskmaster.
That's what happened. That's why if you watch this, there's a bit in it where they cut out,
where they talk about her character and how she died.
Same with Lolly because she lost on Taskmaster.
Yeah, she was slain by Noel Fielding.
Yes.
He's slain.
And Kyle is alive in Ghosts, but he did lose on Taskmaster.
Yeah.
So maybe...
Charlotte Rich, you can see Ghosts because she lost on Taskmaster.
The theory's not holding up, James.
Kyle and Charlotte ruined it for us.
Yes. Badil's not in ghosts, but he did not even become a ghost
because I ground his body down to dust in Taskmaster.
Well, Badil already lost his mind. His brains had already been
ground to dust before he even went on that show. My nephews
declared him an idiot when they watched it.
And what do they declare me?
The coolest person in the world ever. Eddie, Eddie Gamble. Eddie, Eddie Gamble. I think you're so cool. Yeah, baby. I think
you're cool. And they think you talk by saying, Hey dude, hey man. Yo, I do do that. When
they write text messages as you to me thinking that they're tricking me because they don't
know how phones work. And they like, yo, it's me Ed. Yo, yo hey man and then insult me
yeah it's pretty much is what I do to you anyway on texts
yeah I mean yeah pretty much
hey man you suck
yeah yeah hey yo dude you suck just saying bye
and then they're like from Ted
yeah
because you're saved as Ted Grumble in my phone
Ted Grumble yeah
if Katie Wicks chooses the secret ingredient, ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable,
we will have to kick her out of the dream restaurant and she will be slain all over again.
And this week the secret ingredient is
toast. A piece of toast. A piece of toast. It has to be a piece of toast because this was your suggestion because
based on the Desiree song, Life, I don't want to see a ghost aka
ghosts. Yeah, like Katie.
Katie Wicks.
I'd rather have, that's the site that I fear most.
Yeah.
I'd rather have a piece of toast, watch the evening news.
So that's where a piece of toast comes from.
But it's a very broad secret ingredient, James.
Yeah.
Poppadoms or bread.
She might say a piece of toast.
Yeah.
And then she gone.
And then she's gone.
And listen, that's just the way it is.
Yeah.
That's just the way it is. And I think that's exciting. listen, that's just the way it is. Yeah. That's just the way it is.
And I think that's exciting.
It is exciting, but also it's awful.
Yeah.
Because I know Katie listens to this podcast sometimes.
And I think she's excited to come on.
Yeah.
But what we do if, because obviously when we kicked Jade out, it was in the dessert.
So it works.
What are we going to do if we kick Katie out of the problems or bread course?
Sing life.
Sing that Deser race song life.
The whole thing?
For an hour, I guess.
Yeah.
Well, let's say now that Katie has a brilliant book out called Delicacy.
So you should absolutely go and buy that.
We'll do the plug now just in case we kick her out after five minutes.
Katie Wicks Delicacy out now.
Buy it on paperback and audiobook.
This is the off menu menu of Katie Wicks.
Welcome Katie to the dream restaurant.
Welcome Katie to the dream restaurant.
Why do you swallow your chewing gum?
Hi boys.
Sorry, this rarely happens that we just get into it this quickly.
But just before we started recording, you said you were going to swallow your chewing gum.
Well, you're making me out to be a ridiculous figure.
A, it's half a chewing gum.
And B, it was a sort of panic.
I was thinking of you guys.
But why are we going to swallow your chewing gum?
I was thinking I'll take one for the team. Would it be easy if I just quickly swallowed half a chewing gum?
It wouldn't be if you died. That would be awful.
I have done it before and I'm still here to tell the tale.
How many chewing gums have you swallowed?
Over my lifetime, maybe 10.
I don't think I even could do it.
You know what it makes you think of?
And we were just mentioning Steve Coogan as well because he's done an episode recently.
I went to see Steve Coogan live when I was 13.
My mum took me to his live show and one of the pre-show announcements was, if you have
any chewing gum, don't swallow it.
It wraps around your heart. And so now anytime anyone mentions swallowing chewing gum, I think of that.
Well, wraps around your heart, Katie.
I've got a big one. There's plenty of room.
Well, I think it's insane that I've never met anyone who swallows chewing gum before.
So I think you're like the most risk-taking, badass guest we've ever had on.
That could have been the one that killed me and Ben swooped in with a receipt for, can't
remember and I put it in there.
Yeah.
What was the receipt for?
What was it for?
It was for a card, a greetings card, birthday.
Memory card?
A well done card.
It's a great form.
You bought someone a well done card, Benito.
That's nice, isn't it?
That's nice.
I hope it's for me after I've done this.
Yeah.
We give all our guests a well done card.
James put his head in his hand and I said that. It's funny. Too wacky for you.
I see. Have you ever received a well done card before for something? Maybe A levels?
Did you do well on your A levels or was it pre results? Well done for trying. Yeah. There
wasn't pre results. I did fine. You know, I've got to be A. I'll for trying. Yeah. There wasn't pre-results. I did fine.
You know, I got a BA.
I'll put it that way.
I remember my parents giving me a well done card for that.
What else?
Oh, maybe like first nights.
I've done a couple of plays.
You sometimes get a, it's not so much well done is it?
Cause you haven't done it yet.
I don't know, thinking of you.
What would that be?
On your first night?
Thinking of you.
Congrats.
Cards mean nothing to me, man.
Yeah.
You know when people, someone gives you a card, I'm like...
It depends on the message.
I don't know.
No, I'm just like...
It depends on the old missive. You'd like a blank one, so you can reuse it.
That is ideal.
Now that's thoughtful, isn't it?
Here's a blank card, reuse this.
There's nothing inside. Lovely front.
You don't like them.
No. What's the point?
When I get a card, open it, read it straight in the bin. You don't like them? No. What's the point? When I get a card, open it, read it
straight in the bin. You don't display it? No, I think that's arrogant if it's well done.
What about birthday cards? Do you want people to come in and know it was recently your birthday?
People don't really come into our house. Okay, yeah, I've heard that. It's still locked down
in your house. Yeah, it is still locked down. Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
We're very safe in our house.
Me and my wife are socially distanced.
Great.
Yeah.
Do you like food, Katie?
You're a food fan.
I'm not a foodie at all.
My parents, who are now dead, bless them.
I'm sorry I've said it.
That's atmospherically very dark, I know.
But they didn't really cook, so I never really got into it.
So my dad was like, he was from Merthyr Tydfil, you know, from this ex mining town.
He, you know, egg and chips was his whole life.
He didn't, he thought pasta was, you know, exotic, hummus, stuff like that.
When I'd come back from uni and there'd be hummus in the fridge and stuff like that,
he just thought it was really foreign and weird.
And I think for my mom, it was just a massive chore
and she really resented having to do it.
So I think there was a point when I was a teenager
and my mom tried to teach me to cook,
but I was so resentful of being told what to do.
I didn't listen.
So I hate cooking.
I find it a massive chore.
I find it really boring.
And I love being cooked for, who doesn't?
I'm just so like grateful when someone gives me food.
I'm not a foodie. I don't know the names of things. I, and also when I, if I
go out to eat, I'm so, there's so many other things to consider before I even get to the
food. You mean there's like a lot of sensory stuff. I hate like noise and particular lights
and you know who it's all about who I'm with. And I sort of almost not forget to eat, but
I never really focus on the food. It's always just like what's going on, how I'm with and I sort of almost not forget to eat, but I never really focus on
the food.
You're not focusing on it.
You're chatting and feeling, you know, I've left the house. Well done. There's a lot of
steps I go, you know, before I even get to a restaurant, sit down, have a meal. And then
if the food's nice, it's a bonus. But you know, I have no, I'm such a Philistine. I
have no, I've been to really posh restaurants and I thought it was a bit weird stuff I was eating.
Quite honestly, like worm salad, I've had stuff like that.
Worm salad? What?
Yeah, I went to the name of the place, but I went to a very posh place for my birthday and there was two, I went with, the other person with me was vegan.
So you got an email before sort of saying, you know, do you want the vegan menu or the non-vegan menu? That was the two choices.
So I'm planning on being vegan eventually.
I think we all have to be, won't we, basically.
But so I'm sort of groping towards being vegan,
but doing it really badly.
Anyway, so at this point I was, I took non-vegan
and I had to take a breath then.
It was really emotional story.
And then the food came and I ate this salad
and the woman took it away and she said,
how was your salad? And I said, oh yeah, fine, thank you. Then and the woman took it away and she said, how was your salad?
And I said, Oh yeah, fine.
Thank you.
Then she looked down at the plate and she said, Oh, you still got some worms left.
And I thought I was hallucinating.
I thought I'd left my body.
You know what I mean?
I thought, Oh, this is, this is like trippy now.
Like what's just happened there?
And I looked down and then I saw like three or four worms in the plate. Not like garden worms, like kind of shrub territory.
Little worms.
Yeah, they were little, but they were moving. They were dead. And I looked at them and I
just, it just took me a long time to take it in, you know, to process what was happening.
And I just said, Oh no, I'm done. Thank you. And hands to the plate. And I just remember being really pale and shocked. And then my, the person I was with
was a bit sort of, well, that's what happens when you take, you know, non-vegan, in a way,
like morally you're saying I'm up for anything. If you're, it's not what happens if you take
non-vegan, you get, you get worms out of it. But I took, I took their point that they were
sort of saying, well, you know, be a vegan. That's the solution. If you don't want secret worms, you know, to them, it's just protein. It's
meat. So, um, but I felt, I felt a bit violated that I hadn't been told and just a bit sick
and a bit confused.
So was it like a tasting menu thing where they were just bringing you out?
Is that a tasting menu? I don't even know the terms.
You said tasting menu. So they explain it up, put the dish down in front of you and go,
and this is a worm salad. No, definitely. There was no prior warning. Yeah. There was no chat about it.
You still got some worms left.
Yeah. And then she saw my reaction. She came back and she said, she said, I won't do an
accident, but she said, is the problem that you didn't like it or do you object? Like
she was trying to understand what my reaction... She was really concerned by my and confused by my reaction. And I said, no,
it's fine. It's just the shock, the shock of eating worms. I was a bit hungover. I was
a bit tearful. I just didn't, I just wanted to have a nice birthday and not be fed worms.
You were tearful. Cause I was hungover. You were crying as well. Yeah. That'll be why she came back to check.
I thought the tears would bring the worms back to life and it would all be amazing.
I do want to know the name of that place though, because I'd like to try worm salad.
I'll tell you after.
Also at the end they served the pudding.
It was tobacco flavored chocolate, which went really well with the cigarette, I have to
say.
So that was lovely.
We always start with still a sparkling water.
Oh yeah, not the worm stuff. That's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why did I start with the worm?
We always start with worms.
Conversation wise.
The worm course.
Conversation wise, we start with worms.
Yeah.
But meal wise, still a sparkling water.
The only time I think, I don't really drink water.
I'm like Winkleman. I hate it. I find it really boring.
So I'm happy to go with whatever the other person has ordered because I'm not going to
drink it, truth be told. The only time I drink water is in the gym. So still, because I've
never seen anyone drink sparkling water in the gym, which I might start doing. So I think
I'm, I think still, but sparkling, like I, I'd never had it before I moved to London.
I still think of it as really glamorous, exciting thing, definitely.
And at the moment I'm quite obsessed with Dash Water,
which is sparkling water with, you know, with fruit in it.
Yeah, I've seen them in sort of thin cans.
Yeah, the thin cans, lots of like nice pastel colors.
I'm obsessed with those.
So I'm like a complete baby, like I'll only drink water
if it's got a little bit of something extra in it to try and make you forget it's
water basically.
What's your favorite flavor of Dash?
There's a green bottle. So it must be lime.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What does it taste like?
It tastes like lime.
Yeah, lime.
Yeah. Lemon, limey. Yeah.
If you would have whatever the other person's having, who would you imagine you're having
your dream meal with?
And what would they have?
What would they have?
Well, so I've just been at the moment,
you know who I write with, don't you?
With red hair.
So we've just gone away.
We just went away to,
I'm writing like sort of full time at the moment.
It's just been a year of writing,
which has been amazing.
I've really, really loved it.
But so we went away this week and had a lot of meals.
So I'm sort of thinking of him. Um, he had always had sparkling and I just sort of let him.
So you're imagining maybe having the same as Adam, but he'd pick sparkling. But I think
if you like that dash, you could have dash on your dream male. Oh, he drinks dash as
well. So you, did you both discover dash together? You and Adam? Well, I mean, we'll get onto
this with the drinks, but I am really obsessed.
I think there's a gap in the market for the following. Okay. So if you, what I'm really
interested in is drinks. If you don't want alcohol, which I don't really drink very much. If you don't
caffeine, you don't want alcohol. If you don't want sugar, if you don't want a spa to me, but you don't
drink water, the choices are so limited, aren't they? So I'm always on the lookout for an exciting soft drink
that has none of those things that still tastes nice.
But I never find those kinds of drinks.
When I was filming Big Boys, actually,
I found a shop, sold these drinks called Feel Good,
nothing to do with May, May Show.
And they came close, they were amazing,
but Dash comes close as well to a soft drink
that has nothing in it, no fun, no spartan me nothing, no, you know.
Yeah.
Because otherwise it's you go to a pub and it's lime and soda.
That's the only choice.
Pop lobs or bread?
Pop lobs or bread?
Candy wicks?
Pop lobs or bread?
Can't have poppadoms, don't have a gallbladder.
Next question.
Up to you.
Right.
It's not up to me.
I didn't choose to not have a gallbladder.
You made it sound like a choice. It's the first time we've had that answer. Okay. Can't
have poppadoms. Don't have a gallbladder. Well, it's true. Excuse me for my ignorance.
You were there. But why does, yes, I was there. When Katie lost her gallbladder. Well, it's
why I wasn't on taskmaster for a bit. For two episodes. Oh, that was it. It was a gallbladder. Yes. I mean, so I had gallstones, which is incredibly, incredibly painful.
Yeah. So I've heard.
And they sort of came out of nowhere. The doctor wasn't really sure why I'd suddenly got them.
What they actually did was I was quite young to get them. I was holding back that,
because I came out so well after that bit. And so when we were filming,
yeah, we were filming the studio, weren't we?
And it was Sunday night and I was in so much pain.
I think I might have texted Alex Horne to be like,
just to let you know, I'm in the most, I'm in hell.
And I don't know if I'm going to be well enough
for the studio.
He was like, you know, just don't worry about it.
But I think at that point they got some standbys.
So then I ended up in A&E and they kept me in overnight and I was really out of it because I was in
so much pain. And they said to me, look, it's got to come out because it just got to the
point of my gallbladder was, you know, it was inflamed and stuff like that. And I was in
hospital, you know, in the, in the, the outfit, what do you call it? The gown.
Not the taskmaster outfit?
No, not yet.
The builders hat?
Yeah. I think sick into the builders hat in bed.
And I think I sort of decided I was gonna,
so I'd missed one show and I decided that that night
I was gonna go in and make the studio.
So I went straight from hospital, it was so dramatic.
So they kind of came around to that thing
where they discharge you, that's the word.
And they're sort of making sure you're a compas mentis
and saying, you're right.
And I was saying, oh, I've got to go and be on TV.
And they were like, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And a bit like, we should keep her in for a bit long.
It was really like, you know, won't flow
with the cookies in this.
They thought I was completely delusional.
I was like, I've got to go and be on TV.
I've got to go.
And I sort of almost had to pull the drip out of my arm
and be like, I've got to go, I've got to go and TV.
And there was one, I had a shower in one of those sort of disabled cubicles and they just
had that sort of like horrible shampoo that's like for, you know, for everything.
And I sort of said, um, it's just I'm going on TV.
I really like glossy hair.
Do you have any like nice, nicer shampoo than the one like, it's just that one.
It's just like hair, body, everything.
And they were like, no, we don't have any nice shampoos.
I was like, that's okay. That's all right. I'll just wash my hair with that stuff. It'll be fine. It'll that one. It's just like hair, body, everything. And they were like, no, we don't have any nice shampoos. Oh, that's okay. That's all right.
I'll just wash my hair with that stuff.
It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
And then I got a text from my neighbor saying that
a tree had fallen in front of my house
and I could no longer get into my house.
So that was weird. Just falling in the night.
There was no one in the house,
but you couldn't get in or out
because the tree was just blocking the front door
and there's no back door.
So then when the doctor came around,
I sort of said, look, there's a tree,
I can't get into my house, there's a tree in front of it and I've got to go on TV now.
So I've got to go.
He just thought...
He knows you've got to go on TV.
They thought I was delusional.
But I did, I went that night and I was so out of it.
And Jo Brand, who's famously an ex psychiatric nurse,
was looking at all my pills before we were filming, being like,
okay, don't take this before the show.
And then I did, got muddled. She was like, take this for food, do this. She was
amazing and really caring. And we got through it. I think everyone noticed, but I remember
after that show, one of the producers texted me being like, well, you were quite, just
different energy tonight. Different, quite, what did you say? You were quite aggressive
or something.
I don't remember you being aggressive.
When I was on antibiotics and they made me feel very angry. I don't know if anyone else
has ever had that, but I get that a lot with antibiotics.
So bread then?
So bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just nice bit of toast after all that.
There were replacements at Viontas Master.
It all began with Kay.
Yeah, it all began with Kay. But then the next night when you might not have been coming
in, Paul Cowdery was there in the building.
Yeah, nature's me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, can we roll back? What was your choice?
What sort of bread do you want?
Well, I, at the moment, the nicest bread I've had in ages is, do you know Dean Street Down House?
Yes.
The bread there is incredible. That's my favorite bread. What is it called? I don't
know, but it is, it's very dense. It's brown. It's very spongy. Like soda, soda bread. Like,
no, it's not soda bread. I've definitely had that. I had that in Ireland actually. Um,
no, it tastes very, it's very sort of rustic looking and it's the kind of, you know, stuff
you want to sort of tear off. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I've got on that bread. But how do you, um, how do you want it? Because you
said a minute ago, you said, yeah, just a piece of toast after all that. It was a general
term. Well, this is what I'm just checking. That's my favorite bread of all time. The
Dean street townhouse bread. Um, but I do love toast. I'd say I have toast every day.
Yes. I have scrambled egg and toast. I say every day pretty much. Lovely. But it's the Dean Street townhouse bread that you would like. That's what you
would like. Dream bread. Just to be clear. Yeah. With butter? Yeah, with Welsh butter,
I think. Nice. Because I grew up in South Wales. I know I don't have an accent anymore.
We were never allowed butter because my mum was always on diet. So, uh, it was always
disgusting butter substitute flora or half fat butter.
So because I was denied butter so much of my life, I'm quite obsessed with it.
It still feels like a real, it feels forbidden and a huge treat.
Rebellious act.
Yeah, to have it.
So I'm quite, I'm quite obsessed with it, but I do think Welsh butter is particularly
delicious, salted of course.
James, you just want to tell Katie why you're so tense because I don't think you're going to be able
to get through it otherwise.
What?
Yes.
I got a spider on me.
That's the first guess.
I felt like that's what you were going to say.
First guess is there's a spider on you.
Oh, is it the secret thing?
Yes.
You said secret gift.
Secret name.
Has anyone ever said it?
Yeah, Jade Adams said it.
And do you chuck them out?
Yes.
Yeah, and you were very close just then. The secret ingredients for you
is a piece of toast because, yeah, bread, just a piece of toast in the end. But I think
you said that in an offhand way. And I was like, but then you chose the Dean Street Townhouse
bread. No, no, no, no, you didn't. Because we pushed you on it. What do you mean? You
said Dean Street Townhouse bread. Yeah, no, that is my...
And you clarified that it wouldn't be toast. So you didn't know at the time it was a secret
ingredient.
Yeah, that's my...
So it's fine. But it was just like, I had to make sure that we were clear on it.
Can I just check quickly? I want to look back to something. Why can't you have poppadums
if you've got no gallbladder?
Right, right, right. Exactly. So the gallbladder, it breaks down fat. It produces bile that
breaks down fat. So I can't really digest fat very well. So fried thingsbladder, it breaks down fat. It produces bile that breaks down fat.
So I can't really digest fat very well.
So fried things are out, spicy things are out.
Lots of things are out for me.
Although, I mean, when was that?
Like four years ago, was it?
We did TM.
Yes.
So now I can pretty much eat normally,
but for a long time I'd be in pain if I had...
Yeah, something fried would really fuck me up.
Can you swear?
Yes, encouraged. Encouraged in character. You can swear in character. But chewing gum is fine.
That's got no fan. Yes, you can swallow that. Lovely. Your dream starter Katie Wicks. So I
think it's going to be, I mean, again, I can't, I can't really eat
this because of what I just said, but I can eat, I'm going to eat a bit of it if that
is allowed. Yeah. Also for your dream meal, we can pop your gallbladder back in. Yeah.
Put my gallbladder back in, would you please? Yeah. So first time the genies had to do that,
but yeah, I can't even thought of that. If I thought of that, my whole menu would have
changed. You know, this, this is me pre, yeah, this is me pre-operation. It's a plate of chips from
the place that I used to go to when I was little. So we lived about half an hour outside of Cardiff.
So I go Cardiff when I say Cardiff. So on a Friday night we'd have the chippy tea and it
was a huge deal, huge treat. My dad would usually be working late. So me and my mom would like drive
to the chip shop. It was the place called Ely, which is outside of Cardiff. And just the chips in there were so incredible. And I remember
I'd sort of sit and wait in the car and I've got a really particular memory, which is the
one where it's like that Brian Adams song had been at number one for like 16 weeks.
The Robin Hood one. And I remember that playing and me sort of looking out the window, watching
the rain form because it was raining South Wales, waiting for the chips to arrive, just
you know, thinking what would it be like to be in love as this song was playing. That's
the sort of thing I'd be thinking. And then the chips would arrive and the car would be
filled with the smell of the chips. And then we'd get home and mum would insist on plates.
You couldn't just go straight out of the bag,
but you could put the paper on the plate.
You didn't have to do this.
As long as the plate's involved.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
You didn't have to shimmy them.
You didn't have to shimmy all the chips off onto the plate.
You could just put it down, open, unfurl the paper,
paper on the plate.
Is that what you'd do?
Yeah.
And then front of our knees.
So it's those chips because they were really hefty,
those chips and they were really fluffy and fat,
those chips from this chip shop.
And then we'd usually have,
I'd have like a fish cake with it is what I remember.
But again, because like we only had sort of,
well, in my house, there was a kind of thing of,
there was men's food and women's food.
That's how I was kind of raised.
So there was like, men's food was like anything.
And women were just supposed to have like,
Ravita.
Men really lucked out.
Yeah, men, yeah.
Well, it was, exactly.
It was fairly patriarchal.
So me and mum, I always had to just like eat
what mum was having, which was like Ravita
and diet food and health food.
So like when it came to Friday night,
it was like a huge deal.
Just like the taste of fat was explosive because I'd just been eating like half fat everything
in the week.
So it's like a really big deal.
It was really exciting.
Yeah.
Sounds it.
I had a really difficult childhood.
So just those chips.
It's funny to tag on at the end of this quite nostalgic story.
About dreaming about love.
I had a really difficult childhood.
That was a, you know, silly, silly riff.
Yeah, that's why I laughed at it.
But then you went, what?
I don't know what you're laughing at.
You're with me.
It's not clear.
It's not clear.
James obviously loved the idea of you sat in the car waiting for the chips, thinking about what it would be like to be in love.
Yeah, yeah, thinking about what it would be like to be in love with someone.
That song is the first time I really thought, it just, from that song, I thought being in
love is just going to be so epic. It's going to be amazing.
Also I remember the music video for that song, because I remember it was number one for ages.
I think it was 16 weeks.
Yeah, so he wasn't turning up every week to perform it. So like they
would just show the video. But I hadn't seen that film. I just remember that, that like
bit. Was it flaming arrow? Do you know what knocked it off? Cause you know, you know like
music trivia. I don't know that one actually. Yeah. It might have been like, see I'm just blurring all that
era and stuff in together. I mean, Think Twice by Celine Dion wouldn't have been long after
that, but maybe.
That didn't make me think about love. That made me think about thinking twice.
The shoot shoot song? Maybe one of the original number ones.
Sometimes they would record the live performance on top of the
pops and then just play that in. The member when they were in a few weeks ago. But if
you're Adams, like, and I'd say by the time it gets to five weeks at number one, if you're
having to go into top of the pops every time, you're like, I went to South Korea recently, this is related, I promise, with a vegan and Tim Key.
The third diet.
Is this a different vegan from the worm meal?
No, same vegan.
I'm in a throuple with Tim Key and a vegan, is what I'm saying. We're really happy.
And I went to South Korea and Brian Adams was playing and we nearly thought, oh, let's just
go in, be funny. We were looking for K-pop and we found Brian Adams was playing and we nearly thought, oh, let's just go in, be
funny. We were looking for K-pop and we found Brian Adams. The opposite. That story doesn't
go anywhere.
I would have thought if you went to see Brian Adams, that would transport you back to thinking
what would it be like to be in love?
I'd be there with my throuple. I found love.
I know exactly what it's like to be in love.
And it's twice's twice the fun.
You too.
Not to off. Which song?
The Fly by you.
I must have blanked it out.
Absolutely no idea.
It must be so devoured that I blanked it out.
I remember sitting in my car wondering what it would be like to be a fly.
Well, I told you I'm a fly.
I've literally during this chat looked down and realized that my
flies are completely undone.
At least you got something on.
They are currently.
I didn't want to do them up again.
I'm going to check mine.
But like...
My tits are hanging out.
For the whole thing.
Is that alright?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you know what happens?
Oh dear.
We'll put...
The only clips we'll put out from this point, okay?
Honestly, I'm fine with that.
I could do with an image change. I'm absolutely fine with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what happens? Oh dear. We'll put, the only clips we'll put out from this point, okay?
Honestly, I'm fine with that.
I could do with an image change.
I'm absolutely fine with that.
You know about Katie, she's had an image change.
What's she doing?
She gets her tits out on podcasts.
That's her tits out all the time.
Leaves them out.
It's a lovely dream starter.
Yeah.
I love that.
I love Chippy Chips.
Chippy Chips is a starter.
You put me in the mood for Chippy Chips.
I might get Chippy Chips tonight actually. Lovely. And that's a compliment. You put me in the mood for Chippy chips. I might get Chippy chips tonight actually.
Lovely.
And that's a compliment.
It's not often during a podcast I think I'm going to get that thing tonight.
Yeah.
How'd that compliment feel?
It felt like being in love.
It felt like listening to B. Adams in South Korea. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts.
Here's a show that we recommend.
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Season two is here with more of what you've come to love from season one, daring spies,
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I think it's going to be, um, laughing because of the context.
Yeah.
She told us by mistake.
It's going to be chewing gum on toast. It's going to be carbonara, we do. Because you told us by mistake. It's going to be chewing gum on toast, maybe.
It's going to be carbonara, simple as.
Now we usually we don't know our guests choices, but we interviewed someone else today before
you came in.
You asked what their main course was.
We told you that their main course was carbonara and you went, oh my God, that's mine as well.
So now this is the only time we've ever known.
Sorry, I was nervous.
No, that's good.
I mean, look, it's a great choice, but talk us through it.
Why do you love carbonara so much?
Are you supposed to say spaghetti carbonara?
I thought if I just said carbonara,
it sounds more authentic.
Well, I guess that leaves it open
to maybe you could have a different shape of pasta with it.
No, I love spaghetti.
You have spaghetti.
It's the same time I've had it.
I've never made it.
I've never had a bad one.
But again, I just think, I think all pasta is incredible.
I just, you know, I'm just so happy to be given a plate of pasta.
I've got no discerning abilities when it comes to what's...
I mean, unless it had like dog shit on it,
I honestly don't think I'd know it was really bad.
Like other people...
I've been on jobs like on filming,
and the catering is a big deal on filming, as you can imagine.
Because everyone's knackered, everyone's working hard and you know especially for the
crew actors aren't really you know expanding much energy mostly but they're always doing stuff and
the whole day you know pivots around it and people are always often complaining about the food.
I think it's like a bonding experience and I'm always like I just can't believe I get free food.
Someone just brings me the food, this is amazing. I just sit in my room and eat the food. I'm just so grateful. Someone's bought me food. I never, yeah. Like have an
opinion on it. Well, that's a good attitude to have, especially in a place of work, I guess,
to be like, I'm just happy to be. It's a little break in the day time on my own. That's, you know,
that's all that matters. The only time I've like, yeah, turned ungrateful is, uh, I don't know.
I don't know how many episodes of Mock the Week I did, but, yeah, turned ungrateful is, I don't know, I don't know how many episodes of Mock
the Week I did.
But, yeah, the food was never that great on Mock the Week. And there was a point where
I went, I'm done with this shit. I'm done. I went on Nando's.
I love that. I had my first Nando's.
So there's Nando's literally across the road.
You started a revolution. I had my first Nando's on staff and stuff.
Let's that's it blew my mind. And I'm obsessed with it now. I have a lot. I absolutely love it.
What's your, what's your order in Nando's? So I have, I have plain. I have to plain.
I tried one above and it was like, I was on that chat show where you that, that show where you have
to eat all the chilies and be interviewed. That's how it felt. Going one above plain, plainish. That's how it felt. Some of us have
lemon and herb. I have a chicken wrap. I don't eat red meat anymore, but I'm slowly trying
to, you know, well, I did, I know this is a controversial thing to say, but basically
I was vegetarian for a while and I got really ill. That isn't a controversial thing to say
because obviously you can do it and be fine. I was just eating brown flakes. I fucked it and
got anemic. So I wasn't doing it properly, but I, you know, spiritually I'm vegetarian.
Yeah. Morally. Like I want to be. Morally I'm vegetarian. In practice chicken wrap.
Yeah. In practice Nando's. Yeah. This is going to be a fascinating listen back for you, I
think to hear. I'm not listening to this back.
No?
No.
Neither are you.
I think I might listen back to it.
No, but like, I think Katie, it would be interesting for you to hear where your answers always
end up.
So like the question there was like, what's your dad knows order?
And at the end you're like, and then I got anemia.
And then I know it sounds like a bad thing to say, but like,
I don't know what I'm, it's like, wow, we've really ended up in a different place.
And it's not a criticism.
I love the, I love the raps in Nando's.
I get a lot of grief for it from him.
Why?
It's cause he puts pineapple in his.
Yeah, I do that.
I think that's delightful.
Thank you, Katie.
Well, this is how it feels like to be in love.
Sorry, carbonate.
Yeah. Thruffle, room for another.
It's not a throttle, you've already got Tim Key in The Vegan.
No, I mean, we'll get rid of The Vegan.
And the mysterious vegan.
Yeah, the unnamed vegan.
The best carbonara I had, I'm now,
I'm getting myself back to the carbonara.
I can do it myself, don't need you guys.
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
It's gonna just be the monologue.
Was in Florence and it probably, it was a very touristy place. It probably, there was
probably nothing authentic about it. Just me, but I just know it was, it was delicious.
Creaming it.
It was very creamy. And I think that that's the key thing for me. That it's yeah, the
creaminess.
But was it creamy from cream? Cause this is what people kick off about about carbonara when people put actual cream
in.
What else would it be if it wouldn't be cream?
Egg yolk creates the creaminess.
Right.
Okay.
Because you're not supposed to apparently...
A dog has just let itself in.
Toast has just let himself in.
Toast, you're the secret ingredient.
You can't be here.
Oh, that's why he's got butter all over his back.
Oh.
Doing a little laugh.
Hello, Toasty. Oh, everyone else has had to go home, so Toast butter all over his back. Hello Toasty.
Everyone else has had to go home, so toast has been put in here.
Why? Because my answers aren't good enough.
Yes, because your answers aren't good enough.
We're about to introduce a dog to the podcast to make it more interesting.
We're about to have a wacky sidekick because you're not delivering love.
Yeah, so apparently you're not supposed to put cream in carbonara to get the creaminess,
but you put egg, egg yolk in carbonara.
Have you made it a lot?
I've not made it before.
I mean, I love it.
I think it's delicious.
It feels like the biggest treat, pasta wise.
Maybe I'm going to make it.
I've never made it.
I mean, why, why would I?
Yeah.
I just, I just think it's delicious.
I always knew it was going to be, it was going to be a pasta dish.
Yeah.
I just think it's so comforting and kind of reminds me of being a student as well. One
of my best friends, Maryam, she's a really good cook and she would like, if we went on
a big night out and we get in at five in the morning or something off our faces and she'd
make like a big pot of pasta and it'll be there the next day when you got up and you're
kind of shaky and scared and you know what you've done and it would just be there on the stove. Just
like you'd be able to dip into it and you'd feel a bit more, you know.
I'm glad that you said you don't drink much anymore because the two stories about hangovers
so far you've, you've been in tears and you've been shaky and scared of what you've done.
It's a depressant, you know, and people should have the guts to say that more. No, I'm just, I mean, I love it.
I love being drunk.
Like for me, two glasses of white wine and empty stomach is like a really transcendental
journey for me.
It's like, I feel like I'm in the center of the universe.
I feel electric.
I really do.
Like it's an incredible feeling.
Yeah.
But I think that's a lovely main course. It'd be quite easy to make, no? I feel like it should be because...
I should say I can't, it's not like I can't, I can cook. I just don't like it. I'm not terrible.
So if you were on Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which one would you be?
Which one's... I think you'd be Cook Little Cook. That's different, isn't it?
That's the big guy, the little guy. So there's two questions to answer here.
If you're on Can't Cook, Won't Cook, which one would you be? And if you're on Big Cook,
Little Cook?
Break it down, slow down.
A.Z. Harriot hosted it. It was a competition.
But the more interesting question, isn't it? Is who would you be off?
Big Cook Little Cook.
Oh yeah, sure.
I'd be, I actually can't remember. I can't picture, I can picture them as both.
So I'm now mixing it up with Big Howard, Little Howard.
Yeah, it's not them.
It was Big Cook Little Cook were originally a sketch comedy group called Electric Forecast.
I'd be the normal size one.
Normal size guy.
That's too vulnerable being that small.
That guy is tiny.
He agrees, he's tiny.
God, imagine if he wasn't.
No show.
So what's Can't Cook?
I've not seen that.
Can't Cook was when we were growing up, it was on when we got home from school,
Ainsley Harriot hosting it in the studio.
There would be two professional chefs and they'd each be paired up with a member of
the public, one of whom can't cook and one of whom won't cook.
So I'd be won't cook.
Yeah.
You'd be on the won't cook.
You'd be won't cook normal sized.
So those are the two questions.
Normal sized.
Yeah.
I was obsessed with a big cook, Little Cook at university. We all were. Because one of my best friends at university looks exactly like Little Cook.
And this little cook, the one with the mullet. Ginger guy with the glasses. Right, right, right.
Everyone's got a friend looks like Big or Little Cook. Yeah. It's the two, Big Cook, Little Cook
are the two white guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Yeah, get another great throuple for someone.
Imagine they'd end up in a throuple with Big Cook Little Cook.
You'd have to be medium sized, wouldn't you?
At least the cooking would be taken care of.
Carbonara now, Big Cook, tell Little Cook now.
Your dream side dish, Katie Wicks? It's just a small lasagna, if that's okay.
That is absolutely okay.
Okay, good, good.
Probably cold.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
Very nice.
Cold lasagna?
Yeah, I love a cold lasagna.
Because?
Well, a whole story about it, but then I wrote a show and called it that.
That's where I know you from.
The show, I saw that show.
Trying to place these guys all day.
I know, right?
You saw his little cook for a while.
And was on Taskmaster with you.
That's where I know you from.
Yes, yes, we were on Taskmaster.
Finally, a catchphrase you can all get on board with.
I would have it cold because when the fat was all congealed the next day, like that
is heaven.
Yeah, so good.
Because I couldn't decide between lasagna and carbonara. I've never had a bad lasagna.
I'm quite obsessed with it like Garfield.
How do you feel about Mondays?
Oh yeah, yeah, I mean, I think Sunday nights are the worst.
Yeah, that's true. They missed that trick with Garfield.
He should have said sort of Sunday nights in the speech bubble. Yeah.
Yeah.
Mondays.
As a kid man.
Yeah.
Those Sunday nights when you go back to school the next day.
And the Antiques Roadshow music.
Yeah.
Mocking you.
So that was your TV thing.
One Sunday night was Antiques Roadshow.
It was often the, like the Sunday night drama.
So like the Narnia one.
Yeah.
That one.
The borrower's. Yeah. Exactly. I was. The borrower's. Yeah. I was thinking
about the borrower's just then when we were talking about little cook. Yeah. I was thinking
about the borrower's. They should do a borrower's can't cook, won't cook. That'd be good. Wouldn't
it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who's can't cook and who's won't cook from the borrower's?
Out of the borrower's. Ariati won't. In fact, that's another one of my favorite meals. That'd
be a strong contender. Me and my mom used to have, we'd have toast with pate on it and sit in front of the Sunday
night drama.
So we were so close to kicking you out with this like twice now.
Oh yeah, sorry.
Twice you've swerved it.
Or like cheese and crackers we'd have.
Yeah.
And watch Project Runway.
You ever seen that?
No.
Yeah.
Oh, I love it so much.
Tim Gunn. Yeah, Tim Gunn. I really, that was the
first thing I wanted to be was fashion designer for ages when I was a teenager and I just
draw dresses in my bedroom. And yeah, I love Project Runway. Well, they could dress as
looking back at your design. The ones I drew on the show. The ones that you drew? Yeah,
I think they were good. They were always usually purple. Yeah. Trying to work out what, what
I would watch on the Sunday night. I think Antiques Roadshow definitely played a part and I loved those old Narnia ones.
The old Narnia was so good.
Which they released on DVD a few years ago and I watched them again and they are bad.
My friends, Greta's making it, isn't she? Greta Gerwig's. That's her next film.
Is she?
Your own first name turns are Greta Gerwig.
Yeah, Greta. Yeah. But also my friend's dad played Mr. Dumbness and that was a really
big deal. What? No, in the original. When I did National Youth Theatre, I was about 15
or 16. That was the first time I'd been to London actually. And yeah, I remember there
was a girl on that course and she, you know, the first thing, second thing out of her mouth,
my dad's Mr. Dumbness. Have you ever read it?
Yeah.
Read all of them, watch all those shows.
Little Christian boy.
Yes, exactly. I was just thinking that.
So a little Christian boy, you get him read to you.
He's such a big Chriso, isn't he?
Yeah, massive Chriso.
A grief observed. That's actually brilliant as well.
Whole thing is a metaphor for Christianity. And he doesn't make it obvious if you're a
little kid.
Yeah, a lot of allegory.
Until the very last book. Yeah.
The very last book is like, he just lays it all out.
Obviously I'm talking about Jesus, as is Jesus.
Of course you had to read them.
I think like Christianity would be more popular if they just went with Narnia instead of the
Bible.
Because if Jesus was a lion, then I would have been on board with Christianity.
I think.
Yeah.
If he was that weird mechanical lion in the suit. Yeah. They had in that show.
I wanted to hug that so much. Yeah. I still think about it all the time. I want to hug
it as a land so much. I looked quite a lot like Lucy. Oh yeah. Lucy, the dark, dark,
dark, dark head. The smallest one, the little, the little girl. Not the, yeah. I look quite
a lot like as a child lot like a big bowl cut.
I love a little lasagna on the side of a carbonara. I think that's great because I'm a huge lasagna
fan. I think it's probably if I did a big detailed spreadsheet of all of my favorite
things and all of my favorite foods, I think lasagna would come out on top score wise.
Yeah, I agree. It's phenomenal. It's too much food. It's overwhelming, but you know, this
is a fantasy. Yeah, absolutely. And you're only having a little one you said on the side.
A little one, yeah.
Little cold one.
I'm interested. So how did this land?
Oh finally!
How did this land as the side dish and not the starter and the chips are the starter and not
the side dish? Because some people might think traditionally you'd have it that but it's very
interesting.
Yeah, you're right. I, that makes more sense. It could have been any configuration. All
that matters was they were all included. Right. Yes. That makes sense. Yes. Do you think you
might get some carbonara on your fork, twizzle it up and then stick it in the lasagna? That's
a lovely idea. Yeah. I often often think of you. It's so ridiculous. I often think of you, it sounds so ridiculous.
I often think of you when I, like chips and milkshakes.
Yeah. Yeah.
That makes me think of you.
Yes. Yeah.
I've gone on record on this podcast, how much I love it.
I've been reprimanded every time.
Yeah.
Now it's been brought up again.
My mum will text me again and tell me off.
Oh really?
Yeah, she's, she's appalling.
When I talked to your parents about this podcast.
Yeah, you met my parents recently.
Yeah. Your mum said, no, I think your mum said I
listened to it in the kitchen.
Yes.
And your dad said, I don't listen to it, but I can hear that, I've forgotten your mum's
name, has it on in the kitchen and I walk through and sort of hear bits of it.
So your dream drink, Katie?
It's going to be a DC Diet Coke.
DC baby.
It's just my favorite drink.
I love it so much and I feel that.
Oh, can I have an amuse bouche?
Yeah.
When does that come traditionally?
Right at the beginning.
Might start.
Cause you've got to amuse the bouche.
We'll chuck it there.
Yeah.
Okay.
A track bar, please.
Wow.
First time anyone's chosen a track bar.
I think it's the first time someone's
requested an amuse bouche. Yeah. And then also certainly the first time track bars have appeared
on the dream. What flavor? I like cocoa and I like the lemon ones and I like the raspberry and white
chocolate ones. How often you have an attract bar? I'd say every day. Well, here's the thing. Yeah.
So when I'm writing, which I'm writing a lot at the moment,
and I might write another book, I wrote a book,
and food becomes kind of fairly perfunctory, you know what I mean?
Because when you're in sort of creative flow, you don't want to stop.
I don't know if you've ever experienced that, what that feels like.
Because there's always that anxiety, isn't there?
That you don't know when the muse is gonna come back,
and you're spinning your ear again.
To me and my writing partner, we both have diet,
we don't really stop for lunch,
we have diet cokes and treks every single day.
To the point where we were sort of really embarrassingly
joking in the day that if we had to,
if we sort of won an award, we'd have to thank Trek bars,
because it's been such a big part of our process.
Like at this point, diet coke and Trek bars because it's been such a big part of our process.
Like at this point, diet coke and Trek bars are just the only thing that's keeping me
going. Yeah. Because I hate having to think about food. I hate having to stop and make
something. I just like to eat the same stuff every day. It feels really reassuring and
safe and I can digest it well. And you know, it's nine grams of protein. It gives me, it
gives my blood sugar even. Gives you ripped. It keeps me ripped, exactly. The muscles going, yeah.
Exactly.
And we were just saying today,
because when another piece of work
that we'd recently finished is a tree,
we'd been working on this script for about six months
and we kind of got it finished.
And we went around the Harry Potter world as a tree.
Yes.
And I went semi-ironically,
because I'm not massively into it.
You're not a Potterhead.
I'm not a Potterhead.
I'm not, I'm not embarrassed to say if I, if I am, but I'm just not, I sort of went
half ironically.
I just thought it'd be a really funny thing to do.
I don't know if you've been, but as you approach the building, when you're in that long queue,
the traffic cones are slowly turning into wizard's hats.
So it was a really cute detail.
So today, because we just finished another piece of work, we looked up to see if there was a diet coke factory as a treat that we could go to when we finished work.
And so we're looking for one. And I said, I think it'd be funny, I said, Oh, do you think when we're standing in the long queue, the traffic cones will slowly turn into diet coke cones?
And we both laughed about 10 minutes.
After about 10 minutes, I went, hang on, what are you laughing at? And I was laughing at the idea of
cones turning into diet coke cans because it's completely wrong shape. He was laughing at the
idea there'd be a queue. And then that made me laugh again for about another 10 minutes. I don't
know if that story translates, but I think it does. It does definitely.. So that was really fun today thinking, well, let's look up,
let's find a Diet Coke factory. Cause and we're sort of imagining it'd be like the
box factory in the Simpsons. Like you'd kind of get like a vat and you'd accidentally
get boxed in with all the Diet Cokes on your way out. It was so cute.
Did you find one? Is there a tour available for a Diet Coke factory?
I think we've got as far as working at where the nearest factory was, in this weight field.
So that's my dream drink.
And because I don't really drink very much anymore, it's the only thing I've got left
that gives me a little, it's my only vice, that little aspartame buzz.
When you open a Diet Coke, do you say, Diet Coke break?
Like that?
I'm respectfully silent, actually.
But we, I've been calling it DC for so long that I
sort of forget sometimes when I say to someone else, I'm one of those DCs, please. And, you
know, they're like, what?
You called Taskmaster TM earlier?
I did, didn't I? Yeah.
Do you ever have a DC on TM?
Oh, every time. I mean, thankfully you can not have a gallbladder and you can still have
DC. Very, GB, sorry. You don't need a GB to have a DCbladder and you can still have D.C. Very G.B. Sorry.
You don't need a G.B. to have D.C.
On T.M. or otherwise.
On T.M.
Yeah.
On T.M. in the studio, they bring you your cups in little coffee cups,
don't they?
No matter what they are.
Oh God, do you remember that I was at my friend who I went to Florence with,
that I had the nice pasta with.
My friend Henry was sat in the audience once and he said,
because someone like a floor manager comes over with a sort of cardboard box that's got our drinks in I had the nice pastor with. My friend Henry was sat in the audience once and he said,
because someone like a floor manager comes over with a sort of cardboard box that's got
our drinks in and does this. And he said it looked like they were bringing out a box of
kittens and that we were all like doing this. Like we just needed the morale boost to like
a little break. Bring me the box of kittens would you? Okay. Now I can do taskmaster TM.
So funny.
Do you want the DC straight out the can or do you want to pour it in glass with some ice?
I would like to, I love to get out the can. Don't like a bottle. I like the can. I know
that supposedly it's all covered in rat's piss and you shouldn't do that. People say
like in warehouses and stuff that the rats crawl over the tops of the cans and you shouldn't
drink straight from the can. But it's got to be out the can. I love it out the can. Quite like, you know, not loads of ice. So it's been dispersed
beyond, you know, straight to the meniscus and above. I don't like that, but I like, you know,
lemon and two. I always take out at least three ice cubes, too much ice for me. Just gets very
like watery, doesn't it? If DC is not available, I'll have a DP, but I'm not thrilled. Dr Pepper?
Diet Pepsi.
I think, well, DC is available in the DR. Of course it is.
Yeah, in GB. Yeah.
What did you say? DR?
DR, Dream Restaurant.
Right. Republic of where?
Sorry. We're technically recording in the Democratic Republic of Congo. It's a tax thing.
But my backup drinks are, if you ask, tea. Earl Grey tastes like soap to me. I don't
think I'm alone in saying that.
Tea is a difficult one to abbreviate just to its letter, because it's the same.
Yeah, tea. And then you may as well say A. But also apple, tango, sugar-free. I love
Fanta, sugar-free. I love just all soft drinks that have a spartamy and no
sugar. I'm obsessed with all of them. Like I have sometimes hurt myself from having too
many fizzy drinks. Like it just starts to, it's like a stitch almost.
Yeah. I used to have a big problem with DC. Like I was too late, too late as a day, something like that.
I can, yeah. But also I really associate it with creativity. I don't know if you do, but when I'm sitting down to write, it really feels like I need
like just me as is, is not enough.
Like I need something extra.
It's like my version of cocaine to get me going.
How do you feel about this?
This is a pet peeve I've got when I'm going to restaurants or whatever, when it comes
to DC.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'll order like a pint of Diet Coke because I know
that I'm just going to order more so I say a pint of Diet Coke and they don't tell you
oh we actually don't have it on tap. So they go away and they've got those little bottles and they
just pour two of the little bottles in. It doesn't come all the way up to the top and they bring it
to you and you realize that you've just been absolutely Swiss. I don't think that's ever happened to me.
That's not happened to you before. No I thought thought you were going to say, which I hate is when you ask for DC and someone brings DP
and they haven't said, by the way, it's not the exact thing because they don't think it matters.
That can happen, sure.
Yeah, that's happened.
This bottle thing has happened to me on more than one occasion now and I've been swizzed by it.
I don't think I would notice, but is it just that it doesn't reach the top?
It doesn't reach the top.
So as a good distance short, it falls. And then you realize they've
just got those little, also those little diet coke bottles are too small.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's drinking those?
I'd rather have that and have the DC than nothing, I think.
Your dream dessert!
Done, done. Am I allowed, you know, one of those sort of cake stands that has three plates?
Yeah.
That kind of thing.
I reckon so.
So if that's the case, again, because we never had sweet stuff in our house, I don't really
eat sugar anymore. So this is, you know, off hours eating. But on the first plate, I'm
going to have a couple of those giant red
strawberries and some white chocolate buttons. And then the sweeties. Yeah. Not just giant
red strawberries. Oh, no, sorry. This sort of gelatinous. They're like pick and mix.
Those strawberries, some white chocolate buttons. And then the second plate, a small bit of
cheesecake. And then the third plate, the apple crumble my mom used to make when I was little.
We had, there was an apple tree
that was in the neighbor's garden,
but it sort of bulged over into our garden.
So we were allowed to take those ones.
And I mean, me and my brother used to,
the really little ones that weren't ripe yet,
there was this sort of game, we had to throw them in the air,
hit them really hard with a tennis racket. And if the landing noise was metal, it landed
on the roof of the, you got the roof of the farm. That was like 10 points. If it was a
sort of gentle doof, it probably landed in the field before the farm. So that was the,
that was the cool game we used to play with the athlete.
You were built for Taskmaster. They would absolutely do the...
Yeah, I was raised in that house, in the taskmaster house. I'm a taskmaster child.
Alex was my dad. So that was a really fun game. So I've got a fond memories of the apple tree,
but when we hadn't plucked them off and hit them at the farm, mom would make apple crumble with
those apples. And it was incredible. And also cheesecake was the first thing I learned how to
make because you don't have to cook it. That was the joy of like and that's it and you just put in the fridge
Yeah, and that's it if I've really grown up that I could make this thing which was just some digestives slam them in
Philadelphia something else. I've got what else you sugar sugar is going in there. I guess yeah
Yeah, that sounds right and put it in the fridge and I was it and I still think it is delicious
I've never had a they are called American ones The ones that have got sort of the bait one structure. Yeah. I don't
like those. I like just a normal, you know, open, an open one. Yeah. Creamy like just super creamy.
Yeah. Vanilla, I guess goes in there. Yeah. Vanilla. I'm trying to think if I've ever had like
different flavors. One like I don't, yeah. it wouldn't be a chocolate one, anything like that.
Just a very quite plain traditional one.
Again, it's the creaminess.
Yeah. The creaminess, the tang from the cream cheese, the sweetness.
Yeah.
Creaminess means a lot to me.
Yeah.
It really does.
Yeah.
That's a great quote.
I'm guessing the white chocolate buttons and the giant strawberries were,
is your favorite from the pick and mix?
Yeah.
I mean, there was a point where they were definitely midnight feast food for me
as well. That would be the thing I'd get from. There was one little shop in the village I
grew up and the woman running it, she had disgusting fingers and those fingerless gloves
on and you couldn't, she had to get it. You weren't allowed to get it yourself. So these
disgusting fingers would like go in and you'd see it all go into the bag, but it was still
like delicious. Like a Roald Dahlmeet scene recently
and I'm the same height as Mrs. Twit. I'm quite tall. I think I thought you were short.
There's like a little thing you go in. It's like, you know, again, I went with the vegan.
He was the height of James's father from James and Giant Beach. I was Mrs. Twit.
That's good though. To be the height of Mrs. Twit is good.
It's not good. He said, I said, well, I mean, he said, I don't want to tell you.
And I was like, go on, how bad can it be? The crocodile? That's Mrs. Twit.
The vegan would love to be in a giant peach.
Yeah.
Yeah. Too right.
That was another treat we've gone on because we'd done a lot of work.
Right. So now we all know who the vegan is. So now everyone can know. So calling him the
alias is completely pointless because you've already said you're writing partner, you've
already named your writing partner earlier.
Oh yeah, I just think he'd be shy if I say his name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he'd be shy.
No, you said his name earlier.
You said his name earlier.
We can cut it out and keep the mystery going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do whatever you want these days. But he said bleep the vegan's name when Katie his name earlier. You said his name earlier. We can cut it out and keep the mystery going. Yeah, we can cut out whatever you want.
You can do what you want these days.
But he said bleep the vegan's name when Katie said it earlier.
What was it like to win TM?
Felt pretty good.
And then we went on holiday the next day.
So it was great.
Went straight from TM to Luton Airport, stayed in a hotel.
That's what you win.
People don't talk about that.
You win a holiday.
Yeah, they don't.
It's funny, isn't it?
Like people, whenever people like, they don't. It's funny, isn't it?
Like people, whenever I, people like, you know, ask me about it, they would say things
like you seem like you didn't want to win.
And I think I really did, but I think I just hid it well.
I think that's good though.
I think that's the dignified way to go is I took it as an insult more like I didn't
look passionate enough or something.
Well, you're brilliant at it. You clearly, I think you did want to win. You're really good at it.
I was, I think I was quite reserved.
I don't think you're reserved. I think with me yelling further down the line and then
Badil do whatever the fuck he was up to.
Oh yeah. I feel like I can't comment.
I'll go read you your menu back now. See how you feel about it.
You would like some dash water with lime, but before that you want a mousse bouche of
a trek bar as soon as you get in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Poblongs of bread you would like.
The Dean Street townhouse bread, not a piece of toast.
Starter, plate of chips from Ely.
Yeah, from Ely.
I think it was called Ruby something.
Ruby chips.
Main course, spaghetti carbonara from Florence.
Side dish, a small cold lasagna
Drink a DC with lemon and a bit of ice. Yeah, or straight out the can. What do you prefer straight out the can?
Please dessert three tier cake stand with giant strawberries and white chocolate buttons small piece of cheesecake mom's apple crumble
Listen to him. This is a toasty
Menus made him hungry. How do you feel about that?
I feel great about that. We'll go out for dinner straight after this.
You're enticed? Toasty will love some worms actually, to be fair.
He's very Roald Dahl worm salad, isn't it?
Yeah.
Is that in the twist? Does one of them get fed worms?
I should know. I'm the same height as T.
I think she feeds him worms at one point.
Katie, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Katie.
Thank you so much to Katie for coming on the podcast.
Do not forget her book, Delicacy is available for purchase and a very fine book is too.
Yes, go out and buy that.
Thank you very much, Katie, for coming on. She did not say a piece of toast, James. Yes, go out and buy that. Thank you very much Katie for coming on.
She did not say a piece of toast, James.
Yes, that could have been dicey.
Yeah.
But thankfully, well thankfully for us, she didn't pick toast.
Thank you so much for listening. We will see you again next week. Bye bye.
Goodbye.
Hi, I'm Lucy Beaumont. And guess what?
I'm Sam Campbell.
If you enjoy, well, there's another podcast just coming out.
The podcast is out now.
Yeah.
If people have enjoyed Off Menu, will they enjoy Lucy and Sam's perfect brains? I don't know.
There's a bit of a crossover, we talk about maybe a couple of food issues. We talk about
cutlery and that's near food. We reckon it's out now, not soon, it's now. Is it on all the platforms?
Oh it absolutely is. If you like James and if you love Head you might get a kick out of this. But
yeah again no pressure but um yeah
this one is coming this one's out now Lucy and Sam's perfect brands.