Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 244: Sara Barron
Episode Date: April 24, 2024Superb stand-up and podcaster Sara Barron has a reservation this week. And did you know her brother is a babe? Listen to Sara’s podcast ‘They Like to Watch’ wherever you listen to podcasts. Sara... Barron is at the Edinburgh Fringe this August with her new show ‘Anything For You’. For tickets and info visit edfringe.com Follow Sara on Twitter @sarabarron and Instagram @sarabarron1000000Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're currently listening to.
I am on tour now. The show is called Hot Diggity Dog. Make sure you go and get yourself a ticket.
I'm probably coming to a town near you if you live in the UK and Ireland and Ireland, Dublin and Belfast.
Do go to EdGamble.co.uk, buy yourself a ticket and I'll see you for an evening of Hot Diggity Dog.
Hot Diggity Dog!
Thank you, James.
of Hot Diggity Dog. Hot Diggity Dog!
Thank you, James. Knuckles now streaming only on Paramount Plus. Yes! A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts.
Here's a show that we recommend.
I'm Ryan Spray.
And I'm Andrew Sanford.
And we love pro wrestling.
It's the best.
Head locks, elbow drops, scathing promos, chair shots.
We just can't get enough of it.
So we started a podcast.
You can join Ryan and me as we dig into the ins and outs
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Join us every Wednesday, wherever
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Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize Welcome to the Off Menu podcast taking the kiwi of conversation and putting that in the
fruit salad.
That's a gamble.
My name is James Edcaster.
Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and ask them
their favourite ever, start a main course dessert, side dish and drink.
Not in that order.
And this week our guest is Sarah Barron.
Sarah Barron, a wonderful comedian, James. So funny. We've both seen her do stand up many times.
Always has us laughing. Always has us laughing. Oh, she has us laughing. Has us laughing our heads off.
I've interviewed her before. Yes. Another podcast. Yeah. Sorry to talk about that.
Excellent guest is what I'm saying. I know we're in for a treat here. Sarah also has a podcast about television, James, that she co-hosts with Jeff Lloyd,
who is a wonderful broadcaster and also Sarah's husband. So they did a very successful podcast
about succession when succession was coming out.
And now they have pivoted that obviously great on air and off air relationship into talking
about TV in general.
So do you go and get that podcast, which is called they like to watch.
Now listen, we love Sarah Baron.
Yes.
But as always, if Sarah picks a secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable,
we will be forced to kick her off of the podcast.
Yes, we will kick her off the podcast. And today the secret ingredient is
a Wendy's burger.
Wendy's burger. This is because Sarah also does another podcast, which is sort of the official podcast for Wendy's burgers, James, it's certainly, I believe, sponsored by Wendy's Burgers.
So we are not throwing a shade to Wendy's here by saying we don't like the burgers
I've never I ain't never had no Wendy's burger. I've never had a Wendy's burger. We're little English boys
Yeah, that's not a Wendy's nearest but also it's relevant to the guests. It is and we've been to America
Yeah, but I hate to say it. Mm-hmm. If I go to America, yeah, I'm not gonna waste a meal on a Wendy's burger
Well, listen, I would do that. You haven't you've been to America more than anyone else. I know. Yeah, I'm not going to waste a meal on a Wendy's burger. Well, listen, I would do that.
You haven't, you've been to America more than anyone else I know.
Yeah, I've been loads. I've never had a Wendy's.
But like I will, I will at some point, you know, like I did, I went and had Popeye's chicken once.
Yeah.
Because I've only ever got it here now, but we didn't at the time.
So I was like, I'm going to try this fast food chain.
Do you like it?
No.
Maybe if we, if we ever go to America to record some podcasts again, we can, we can go and
get a Wendy's.
Yeah, we should.
We should get a Wendy's next time we're there.
Yeah.
And see what all the fuss is about.
Yeah, absolutely.
But there will be a bloody fuss if Sarah says Wendy's because she's been kicked off the
podcast and that would be a shame because I like her a lot.
Yes.
Hopefully that won't happen, but let's find out.
This is the off menu menu of Sarah Barron.
Welcome Sarah to the dream restaurant. Gentlemen, thank you so much. Welcome Sarah Barron to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Oh, this is just a joy and I love when
someone's energy is higher than my own. Yes.
It never happens for me,
but it makes me feel like I'm in a safe space
to really explode in my own way at some point.
Yeah, good.
Well, we're looking forward to that for sure.
Very high energy act as well.
I know, and I'm trying to tone it down.
No, why?
Because I think I once in a different point of my life,
I was teaching like adult continuing ed
at like a shitty school.
I'd teach writing classes to adults,
and we'd have to be observed by the dean
of this kind of bullshit school.
And then he wrote this review of my teaching.
It was like, I've been doing this for 20 years.
I've never given this critique before,
but would you mind speaking more quietly?
And I think that something about, I think there's an oppressiveness to me. I'm sure I'm saying this to you now to get you to be like, Sarah, no, no, no. But I'm always trying to like dial down.
I'd say, no, I'd say.
Rain it in for me.
There definitely is an oppressiveness.
Yeah.
But it's great.
Because you're now doing it in a world where that's welcome.
It's, you know, I want that in your comedy act.
I don't want you to, I don't want to go and see a Sarah
Barron show and you're talking all quiet or-
Yeah.
And sort of like dead pan.
No, you want to leave feeling exhausted.
People say that to me, they'll be like,
you must be exhausted.
I'm like, this is not a compliment about my personality
or my standup.
I'd say if that's the first thing they're saying to you
after a show, that's the worst.
I know, I know.
You did it.
You must be exhausted.
I have a friend who's thinking, like, I will lie
through my teeth about anything.
Like a disingenuous compliment is,
like my whole personality. Good to know that Barry. You turned up and said we had no skin.
No, no, let me just say it's also my love language. Or maybe it's my communication style.
So just when I see someone, I do think that I go compliment, compliment is a way of ingratiating,
but it's sincere. I'm talking like immediately after a performance of some kind. I have zero problem
being like, I mean, you're, this is the best I've ever seen you. Like, I'm thinking to myself,
whoa, you're terrible. Right. I just have no problem being insincere. My friend cannot do that.
And so his thing is that he will always go, you did it.
As a way of having a thing to say. She has something to say.
You did it.
I would hate that if someone said that to me.
How do you think that went?
Is obviously really bad.
How do you remember it all?
I've had that before.
Were you happy with that?
No. There's another one.
Also, I don't think I did remember it all.
You remember that conversation.
Yeah, that's never leaving my head until I die.
Be the last thing I remember.
Yeah.
It's horrible things that people say.
I know.
Anyway, yeah, I feel like I'm excited.
I was excited for and then excited in the presence
of your high energy welcome, James.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well, I'm happy that, yeah, it was a lot of pressure on me
giving someone who is high energy, a high energy welcome.
But you're a genie, so it's, you know, high energy.
Hey, I know high energy me.
Ooh, it was fun watching you come out of that little.
Yeah, that's not what we were talking about.
Lamp.
Yeah, yeah.
It's very, it's very fun.
It's very Disney princessy, Aladdin-y to me.
Is that what people, is that the journey it takes?
Aladdin's definitely come up before.
I'm not gonna to make out Aladdin.
But it is quite, I mean,
Disney Princess,
I'd love to hear Sarah Barron's
views on the Disney Princesses.
Maybe all of them individually, one by one,
and the concept of Disney Princesses
as a whole. Generally not ready
for that. I did some prep and I
don't feel ready. I can say that
I had a period of my adolescence where I was like very into what was the trio?
Because I'm a bit older than the two of you. So it went like there was a bell from Beauty and the Beast.
What's the hand movements you're doing there?
It's just, I'm, what am I doing?
Are you rifling through your memory?
Yes, I think I'm a combination of a little kitten going meow meow.
Yeah.
And then also you're looking through the Rolodex of your mind.
I think I am looking through my mind.
Yeah.
Oh, so interesting.
Aren't I fascinating, boys?
Okay, so there was Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
Yes.
Little mermaid.
Then we have, we're all early 90s here.
Then we have Ariel.
Then we have Jasmine from Aladdin.
So those three I know well.
Anything after that, I have zero awareness of Disney films.
Would you count Nala and the Lion King
as the Disney princess or no, cause she's a lion?
No, because by then I was a teenager.
So I was like through the princesses by then.
I was very, you know, Barbie dolls, princesses,
and then age 12, it was like done.
And what would you move on to?
Is it not broadcastable?
I'm just thinking, yeah, I think it's not,
I think that I started writing in notebooks.
I'm just sat here thinking, basically,
this is arguably an anecdote for a little later
in our conversation, but I can go big at the beginning.
I can go big at the beginning.
That's what we were hoping for.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So basically I went from playing with dolls
to there is so much fear in the eyes
of the three men at the table, six eyes of fear.
I went into diary writing.
Yes.
Okay.
And then diary writing, as I matured,
turned into erotic diary writing.
Wow.
That was clearly me having some kind of exploration
of the issues that we all confront.
And have you ever been more,
like have you ever been less physically comfortable
than you are right now?
Oh no, I'm fine.
Are you fine?
I want to hear some details of these diaries.
Okay, then thank you so much.
I will tell them.
So it's essentially what it is,
is it's like pornography written by a child.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm slightly more uncomfortable now.
Yes, but, but, but, but, but.
If you want me to keep a tally on it.
Yeah, okay.
I understand how that sort of ratcheted it up for you,
but stay with me here.
Yeah. It's not.
It's the word child. It's the word child and pornography. No one loves the combo
way round. You said, what did I say? You said pornography written by a child. That's the way
round. I want those words to be. They have to be said near each other. Not a problem. Thank you.
Thank you for the guidance. Yes. Thank you for the guidance. So because I, and also if it makes you
guys feel more comfortable,
the characters in my head as I was writing them, like they were like 18.
Right.
Okay.
So I'm like 12 and my characters whose story I'm writing are like 18.
The protagonist is 18.
The protagonist, Jenny.
Cause for a second I thought you were saying the other characters were 18.
Cause that would make me feel way worse.
No, no. This is from the mind of a child.
But you're talking about...
But she's thinking to her, right?
Like the coolest people, if you're 12, it's like an eight, like a 17 year old.
Are you kidding? When like you're 12.
Let's say 18.
You want 18, not a problem. I get it, I get it, okay.
So my spelling is bad,
but I'm using proper language
because that was how I was raised.
Proper language.
So repeatedly I make mention of boobs,
but I spell it bobs.
Repeatedly I use the word penis,
but I spell it,
Pinus.
So it'll be like, I took my bobs and I put them on his
Pinus, like very, very, very strange.
And then I, I didn't like, there was,
if you guys want to avoid eye contact in this next part,
that's like completely fine.
Yeah, you're looking, it's so, there's like so much empathy in what you're doing in a way
So like I really want to carry her through this but also I want to I want I want to make sure you keep talking
About it because I'm finding it very fun. Okay. Okay, that's good. So and like weird shit happens and dumb
Like like so I had the thing. I don't even think was a sexual thing
I just think it was like an interest in Michael Bolton. Was he a thing over here?
I don't even think was a sexual thing. I just think it was like an interest in Michael Bolton. Was he a thing over here?
So wait, listen to me Ed, Ed, Ed, you couldn't have sex
unless some song from the album Time, Love and Tenderness was playing so a consistent feature is like
Hold on. Yeah, I've got to put on some Michael Bolton. Yeah
And you always had to have champagne. Yes, of course.
You could not have sexual intercourse
without like a-
Without champagne.
That was sort of how you began
and then once everyone was done was like,
and then I didn't-
Was Jenny having sex every day?
Yeah, she had sex multiple times a day every day.
And she'd go to like a car and she'd like, you know,
she'd do it in a car.
They'd have to be champagne in the car, right?
There's champagne in Michael Bolton.
It's like, it's just there.
She'd go to like a party and be like, hey.
She'd be like, hey.
You feel like doing it tonight.
Oh wow.
She's very forward.
She's like, you feel like doing it tonight.
Yeah, I'd be like, hey, you feel like doing it tonight. And then the guy'd be like, yeah, I can do it tonight. Hey, you feel like doing it tonight. And then the guy'd be like, yeah, I can do it tonight.
And then they'd like go into a room and like wherever the house party was and it'd be like,
would you like a glass of champagne? And then you put them in these like, can you do it? And I get
its finest house. But interestingly about his pine us is I didn't understand. I thought the reverse
about erections.
Well, you thought they were hard all the time
and they weren't soft for sex.
Not quite, although basically,
when I hear someone else say it back to me,
it's so much better.
It was that I thought if an erection went on too long,
you had to stop.
It was like, like calm that pineis down.
I can't do this anymore.
Yeah, it's too hard.
It's too hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We gotta soften that pineis for this to continue. And then the grand finale was, I didn't understand,
like certainly for women, the idea of orgasms were very, very unclear.
Yeah. I mean, good.
Yeah. Thank God. Right. Right. And I would...
Would you mean good? God. Right? Right. And I would, well, I just, I would be more worried if Sarah when she
was 12 was writing with a full knowledge of all sexual intercourse. Well, I don't know.
I mean, a lot of women would say that those kinds of things need to be taught about more
from an earlier age. I would agree, but I wasn't the one to carry that weight. I couldn't
be educating the masses. Let's work on the spelling before we get into the interview.
I think if you can't spell penis, you shouldn't be allowed to see one or touch one.
Agreed.
I feel the need to say, I don't, like I don't, I think where this came from was a complete
lack of exposure to anything real.
Like I don't think I saw a piece of actual pornography until I was like 20.
I mean, really remedial shit.
We didn't need it.
You know, look at this brain boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Big brain, the sexy brain.
Yeah.
So, so there'd be like talk about mounting feelings, but then I didn't understand what
would happen.
And so the characters would just piss all over each other.
I'd be like, oh, and then his pine is something
and I peed on him.
I feel we've really opened with one of the most arguably.
Oh, did you not see the pee pee coming? with one of the most arguably...
Oh, did you not see the pee-pee coming?
There was no ramp up to it.
You gave no like, you gave no, there was no disclaimers.
It was just straight into they peed all over each other.
Oh, because that was, that was like,
and then he peed on here, then I peed on him.
So when, when Jenny was doing it with someone,
yeah, you go to the house party, you go to a room,
champagne, Michael Bolton,
and they'd look at each other and then just both urinate on each other.
No, it'd be like they'd be, it would, I said humping a lot. It'd be like humping, humping, humping.
Can you believe what a thing. I thought about this like little diary that I kept quite a few times in my life.
But the, the transition from dolls to princesses to writing my own stories.
I never thought of those things as part of a continuum, but I think they are.
Yeah.
That's what happens if you ask a bar, who are a favorite Disney princesses.
I didn't even know we would go there, but great.
Well, look on the subject of urination, still a sparkling water. Oh, okay. I'm one of these people, I feel like attacked by sparkling water. There's a situation where I wouldn't,
but I feel generally water is to hydrate.
And or if I am having a lovely meal out
and part of the plan for the evening
is like I'm going to drink,
I have a real fixation on never getting too drunk.
I love the taste of alcohol,
but I don't particularly love drunkenness.
So I feel the water is there to hydrate to help me.
Sparkling water is like, to me it's there as a,
like I drink a lot of sparkling water when I was pregnant.
It's like a prop, not a hydration device.
So if you're not drinking alcohol,
you would have sparkling water.
Yes, if I'm going through a phase where I'm like,
I'm gonna be good, but I'm like, I'm going to be good,
but I feel no true meal is complete without a beverage other than a regular water.
I might go, still, sparkling, heavy on the ice and many pieces of fresh lime squeezed in.
Do you not like sparkling water because it reminds you a bit of champagne
and you don't want to piss over everyone?
It's possible. Yeah, maybe. Do you drink like sparkling water because it reminds you a bit of champagne and you don't want to piss over everyone? It's possible.
Yeah, maybe.
Do you drink champagne much now?
Oh, that's interesting.
Do I drink?
It's a little, I'm like a really cheap bitch.
And I didn't even really know that until it was explained to me about myself by various
friends and my husband.
But I'm also like a real snob.
So I don't want it. Don't give me a Prosecco. No, I want some expensive fucking shit from
France. It's going to cost me like £25 for a glass, but I'm also never willing to spend
that. So it, it, it lives in this hinterland of things I so desire, but won't treat myself to.
But then if it was, if they suddenly said,
oh, we're doing like a deal
and all this champagne is really cheap today,
would that stop you drinking it?
Cause it was cheap.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Because the point is it is expensive.
I'm just getting it at a deal.
We, my husband and I, one night,
we were going over to a friend's house for dinner
and they had had a couple and they had had like some wonderful news, like they were recently engaged to be married.
He had just had like a wonderful professional milestone and we're walking over and I said to my husband, I was like, we should pick up a bottle of champagne, right?
And he looked at me like, look how much you've grown. Yes, that is, that's a lovely thing that a grownup would do.
And I walked in to this liquor shop
and I saw how much it would actually cost
to buy a bottle of champagne.
And I said to my husband, I was like,
I physically cannot do this.
Sue, you go in there and you spend fucking 50 pounds
on these assholes that I need to fucking celebrate tonight.
Like I'm so, it just just that cheapness lives inside me
and it's a lifelong project to.
That's nice that the intent was still there.
So you knew that you wanted to do that,
but you just couldn't physically commit the act yourself.
But I told my husband to do it.
You know what I mean?
So I did, I think it is, if I may spin this to a positive,
it is showing some amount of growth within me.
But so I now know the appropriate way to behave.
It took me until my mid thirties to understand
how other people act when they're decent humans.
Right.
And now it's hard for me.
Yeah.
But I am always trying to force myself to be the change
that I want to see in my family.
Nice.
Pop lobs or bread, pop lobs or bread Sarah Bowen,
pop lobs or bread.
Okay, I had a last minute shift on this one.
Up until the point of entering your fine offices,
I was gonna go poppadum.
Specifically because a bread to start a meal is,
I love, who doesn't love bread?
I mean, I know those people are out there,
but I sort of believe that something strange emotionally
has happened to them.
To rob them of their-
For people who don't like bread. Yeah, I think it's like think it's already suggesting gluten intolerant people have done something in a previous life
I'm suggesting the gluten intolerant people are fucking liars
No, really I'm saying it's a it's a very unique thing to not love. Yeah, so the truth of my love
Yeah, that's like one of the stories. Yeah
Once in a while I hear myself say sentences
and I know it sounds way too American
and then I'm sort of always wishing I could rewind.
The truth of your love.
The truth of my love is bread.
So I think I should say bread,
even though if I was truly sitting down
to like a three course meal,
I would go pop it up just for the lightness of it all.
Final answer, bread, but plot twist.
And after being so judgmental of people who don't like bread,
I cannot eat butter.
Wow. Okay.
You just can't?
No, I've always hated it.
And like, you know, butter baked into something, whatever.
So if I sit down to a meal and I can see some really nice of bread
What I want is like the finest of olive oils
Dipped into a little ramekin. Yeah, and then some very expensive sea salt
Yeah to sprinkle into that out like a grease almost green
Dip the sourdough. That's what I'm picturing, into the olive oil. So no balsamic, but you would like sea salt into the olive oil itself.
Yes, I have grown out.
I worked in an Italian restaurant for like six years in my 20s.
And something about that process inched me out of my love of balsamic.
Wow.
Have you guys had an achetto?
No.
What?
It's an aged balsamic.
So think of a thicker, finer balsamic.
Then I have, then I just did not know
that that was the name for it.
Yeah.
I enjoyed that.
What about it, seeing it every day
has stopped you liking it now?
Did they do something to it in the back?
No, no, no, no, no, they didn't.
I think I felt like I experienced, and it wasn't even like that.
It was one of these places, it wasn't particularly fancy,
but it was in the, like back in the day when it first opened, it was cool, man.
So they're doing some cool, right?
Like anachetto.
Yeah.
And there was some bit of snobbery about it that I think was actually unfounded,
but it must have like wormed its
way into my brain. I think, I think what I feel is that most of the times I would ask
for a balsamic, I wouldn't love the balsamic. I trust the olive oil, but not the balsamic.
It would be too watery. Yeah. I mean, come to think of it, I'm not like anti balsamic,
but like I would pick olive oil any day. Yeah. Out of the two. Well, it's not normally one or the other.
I mean, look, balsamic had a real day back then.
You know, it was, it was big, you know, and it was in everyone's kitchens for a while.
Put it in all the salads and stuff. Now I ain't going near it.
No. There's other vinegars. I prefer. I'll just, I'll just say it.
I'll put it out there. Go. What are you, what are you going for?
Apple cider vinegar. I'll put that, I'll put that in a dressing with mustard any day of the week compared to balsamic.
Are you making a lot of dressings?
You seem like a guy who would make a lot of dressings.
Not at the moment.
Like a guy who washes his face before bed.
Well, that was a conversation before the podcast, but.
No, still.
People should know you're both glowing today.
And I was interested upon entry in your skin regimes
because I've been suffering some problems at the moment.
I'm interested in what other people are doing. Big reveal, Ed doesn't
wash his face before he goes to bed. If I were one of your listeners, I'd be so into that detail.
Yeah. It's amazing. Well, there you go. Natural oils, you've got to let the natural oils
swim around and I naturally produce balsamic as well. Do you know? Yes. I didn't know that.
Well, Black goo.
Same thing, innit?
Hosted this podcast with him for a long time now and I didn't know that he excretes balsamic
from some part of him.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I think apple cider vinegar.
Okay.
People wash with that or something, don't they?
Or they drink it.
I don't know.
Yes.
My mother drinks much.
She's like real into that stuff and she does some shit with apple cider vinegar actually
now that you mention it.
White wine vinegar better than balsamic.
Yeah. These are for Uh-huh. Yeah.
These are for your dressings.
Yeah.
Apple cider vinegar, rapeseed oil,
and whole grain mustard is a lovely dressing.
Wow, there we go.
You heard it here first.
Yeah, or I'll use, I'll even use soy sauce,
sesame oil, and rice wine vinegar.
Oh, wow.
Is a good dressing.
If you want to sort of-
I love the side of that one.
That piques my interest more.
I love sesame oil.
Where do you guys stand on the idea of an incredible salad?
Does it exist as far as you're concerned?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, just a bit.
Love salad.
No?
Really?
Yeah.
Like you think you've learned to love salad,
but you tell yourself no?
No.
Let me tell you, recently, just last night, so there's a salad that I've yourself no? No. Let me tell you recently just last night so
there's a salad that I've really got into lately. I get it on Deliveroo to be
fair so it's not even like I'm making myself but Mildred's did this amazing
artichoke Caesar salad and my go-to from Mildred's used to be this rice bowl with
tofu, it's fried tofu in it, delicious, and kimchi. And just as
a side, I got this salad one day and I was like, whoa, we're going to have a new headliner.
I'm not even into, I don't even care about this tofu dish anymore. And now that's my,
yesterday I was like so excited, thinking all day about, can't wait to get that artichoke
Caesar salad later on. Delicious.
The possibilities are endless with salad.
Do you guys like answer individually?
Do you make a big effort to watch your girlish figures,
both of you?
Because Ed, I know you, I think of you as,
I've eaten a meal with James, but I've seen you eat a meal.
And it was a very, it was,
I think it was in the run-up to your wedding
and you were like in a zone with your eating.
Yeah.
So I don't know how-
I'd say that you've not seen me eat a meal.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Very fair.
I, you know, I, you know, I'd say 60% of the time I probably eat fairly healthily and then
40% of the time I absolutely go to town.
It's my biggest joy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's, and it's the same true for you, James.
I don't know.
Really?
I mean, I haven't really had to think about it until recent times and my metabolism when now you have a
More normal metabolism bad luck, but uh-huh. Yeah, definitely do you think about it?
But also I just can't I love eating unhealthy food, but I can't do it all the time. I just feel like
Yeah, so like that that salad thing isn't even trying to be it's just so delicious
even trying to be, it's just so delicious. You're listening to your bodies.
I do the opposite.
I have to override my brain,
which thinks that this can't be a treat
because it's a salad.
You can't love this as much as you think you do
because this is just a boring salad.
And I've got to actually override that and go,
no, I do love it.
And I'm almost not going to order it
just because I think it's boring.
But actually this is what I want right now.
And often I'll order something thinking, no, this is what I want. Like something that's not as good for me. And I'll know it's not is what I want right now and often I'll order something thinking now this is what I want like something that's not as good for me and
I'll know it's not really what I want but I'm on autopilot yeah and then I'll
be eating it going this is disgusting I never even wanted this what the hell is
wrong what am I doing I was like I wish I just got that salad that I actually
that's what I really wanted but you were trying and failing to treat yourself, essentially.
Or it's just like, I think my body is just on that kind of like autopilot.
You know, the first thing I did when I got, when my pocket money went up to £2 as a kid
was say to my parents, can I spend this all on sweets?
That was number one question.
So like, that's what my brain is geared towards is I'm going to spend money on food,
can I spend it all on sweets? Can I spend it all on sweets?
Can I spend it all on stuff that is like naughty treats?
And actually, I don't always want that.
No, but you're still sort of, that's still within you from your childhood.
So you're from America, of course.
Of course.
Thank you.
What an accomplishment.
Now salad, sometimes in America, means just something covered in mayonnaise, right?
Is that fair to say?
I think that's fair to say.
That's why I think I still don't understand the decency of salad.
But like literally like chicken salad would be chicken and mayonnaise mixed together, right?
Are you aware of that?
Yeah. I mean, I really, there was a place growing up where you'd go and you get like the taco salad
and it was the most repulsive thing.
It was like disgusting black olives,
some cold, unseasonal tomatoes, a half of a boiled egg,
and like cauliflower florets,
and then some disgusting dressing on top of it.
And that, I think, I am still trying to unlearn that
as what a salad is.
Coastal towns in the US, especially in California,
what great salad places.
I know, but I didn't grow up there.
I feel bad speaking this way of my native town,
but I'm from right outside Chicago and I feel,
like my feeling on too many Chicago establishments,
too much sauce, too much sauce, over-sauced, as a city it's over-sauced,
too many TVs in the restaurants there.
And I don't, I love TV, I think it's the thing I love
as much as I love food.
You do a podcast about it.
I do a podcast about it, I love my television.
But I see a TV in a restaurant and I go.
Bad restaurant.
No, it's like garnishes on cocktails,
I think reveal everything about a restaurant. Okay. And I think a TV on the wall makes me go now.
And I know that's very snobby, but I've also had it, you know, this is based on experience.
But also you've already called yourself out for big snobby at the beginning of the podcast.
So you can just go, I can just say whatever the fuck I want now. Talk me through the garnishes
on the cocktails theory.
Okay.
You're ordering a Manhattan.
Yes.
Here's three things that Manhattan can come with.
Number one, a maraschino cherry.
Are you picturing that?
Bright red.
Number two, good.
Number two, a branded cherry.
You picturing that?
Darker.
Darker.
Number three, orange zest. Now to me,
maraschino cherry says you're in a fucking dumpster heap here.
Might even come in a plastic glass. Exactly. Don't mind the other two. Make
me, you don't mind it. Not really. Oh, re Oh, you want a dive. If I'm in a dive
bar, I love that. And would you order a Manhattan in a dive bar? Probably in the
States.
Yes, but not over here, right?
No, no, no.
Well, also there's not really dive bars here because dive bars here are self-consciously
like US dive bars.
So they're probably better bars because they're like, they're going, oh, we're all about the
aesthetic and the drinks and all of that.
This is so funny.
I've completely forgotten this, but I think right when I lived in the States. Yes I would have had a cocktail in a like a dive and we all would have been like yeah into how grimy
I was like strong pause as well like proper like just pouring a whole glass of
Get it in there
Start out shout out to Sam's in Austin, Texas
Holy shit. Yeah, did they really get you wasted? Oh, yeah
I went in there.
I tried to get tacos from a place that was shut.
So we just took a chance on Sam's barbecue,
went in some of the best ribs I've ever had in my life.
And then they're doing takeaway daiquiris.
And so we're like, yeah, we'll get these for the road.
We're walking back to the hotel.
They were insane.
They were the color, all the colors of the rainbow.
And I tasted like, the amount of sugar that's probably in a rainbow if you drank it.
Like it was bonkers and so much booze. Delicious.
Can you handle that without puking?
Yeah, I did. But like when I laid down to go to bed, never from just one drink before.
Yeah.
Have I felt like I'm going to space? This is like...
Well, that's it. I think you need to go in there knowing the amount of booze they're putting in them
Because then I don't drink them at the same speed as I would drinks in the pub here, right?
So I'm not having like four of them, right? I'm having two probably. Yeah, I love I love the dive bars in the US
But here I think the dive bars are shit pubs that are the equivalent. Yeah, there is there really isn't
The UK does so many things I mean, but not a dive bar does it? No.
From the world of Sonic the Hedgehog a new hero arrives. I am ready. Is there
anyone stronger? No. Tougher? No. Funnier? I do not make jokes I make warriors.
Knuckles now streaming only on Paramount Plus. Yes
Your dream starter Sarah Baron, okay
so I've realized about myself because I think as
The gentleman here do like I think about food and I think about thinking about food all the time
Yeah, and so it's interesting to me to have a new thought
about food, which I did try to come up with my dream menu,
which is, I don't think I ever truly crave a main.
I think it's possible that every food I have ever gone,
oh my God, is some version of a starter.
So this part was very difficult,
and then there was like nothing I truly wanted as a main.
So I think my number one starter is the dream plate of nachos.
The most incredibly done nachos that you have ever prepared.
My brother is a professional cook and I was back in Chicago for a birth date, I don't
remember how old, and he said like, what do you want for dinner? And I said, he's a professional cook and I was back in Chicago for a birthday. I don't remember how old and
he said like, what do you want for dinner? And I said, he's a professional cook in Chicago.
Yes. Is he the bear from the bear? My brother, listen to this. My brother trained at Michelin
restaurants. Like did the whole thing in Spain, doing all that shit comes to Chicago trains
and all these like Michelin restaurants and then opens a sandwich shop. And so when the bear started, they go to my brother
and they're like, would you consult on this show?
And my brother is like, this sounds fucking stupid and no,
and turned it down.
And now he's like, because he, we pre-talked,
our pre-chat was bear related.
I have, my brother and I think a lot of other
industry professionals do not die for the bear in the way that some
of the rest of us do.
But now he's watching it being like, I can't,
it's such a phenomenon.
And so on the one hand, he like hates it
because he doesn't feel it's a realistic representation.
But that is his story and his journey.
So now if you guys are in Chicago, you will have to go there for one of his sandwiches.
No, only if he was a consultant on the bearer would go.
Yeah, I'm gonna eat at his place.
No, I'm too busy.
I'm going with all the places that are owned by people
who are consultants on the bearer.
Except my brother's sandwich truck.
Except my brother's sandwich truck.
I only eat food by people who are consultants on the bearer.
Just show up there, look for someone
who looks a little bit like me, but younger and a man.
And then just say that and then leave.
And for listeners, James is wearing a t-shirt from the bear.
I am currently wearing the original birth of Chicago.
So this is mad.
This is mad.
This is mad.
That your brother is the bear, but also isn't the bear and hates the bear.
Is your brother a hottie?
Here's whether or not my brother is a hottie.
Are you ready for this?
They tried to use him as an arm consultant on the bear.
No.
So my brother was like, not attractive.
So this very round, round boy, which is great.
Be a little round boy.
Yeah.
Fine.
Grows up and is like, something happened and he's still a husky boy husky husky, but he got attractive and there was this sort of window
between the him growing and like being on track and like before he had three kids and
Life gets difficult and my friends would be like your brother is so hot like when I'm a brother's hot
I'd be like, is, okay.
And my parents are obsessed with my brother's hotness.
In our family, I am the natural byproduct of my parents.
Like, they're these two people and they're how they are,
and I'm the child that they would have.
The perfect combination of all of their things.
I would say the shitty combination of all of their things,
but thank you for the compliment.
And then they have-
We're aware that we won't be able to talk you out of what you've just said, so fair enough. Sorry, things, but thank you for the compliment. And then they have- We're glad that we weren't made to talk you out
of what you've just said, so fair enough.
Sorry, on the whatever.
And then they have this boy,
and he is this blonde, beautiful, perfect creature.
And they cannot believe that they made this child
who's so perfect.
And at my my
sister-in-law Dark, but it will get funny again
I hope her father passed away and I went to the were Jewish family
so I went for the Shiva which is sort of like the wake and
So that's the environment. It's a Shiva and where people are mourning and
It was one of the occasions where my sister-in-law was like
morning and it was one of the occasions where my sister-in-law was like introducing my brother to all these friends and family for the first time and
I'm there with my parents and my father kept going watch people look at your
brother for the first time watch people look at your brother they can't believe
how handsome he is they watch the next time she introduced what they're like
obsessed with his beauty and he's not what I always say about my brother's
attractiveness is if I say nothing about it to people and then
They meet my brother. They're like your brother's kind of hot
Yeah, if I go on about it now when you guys see him you'll be like you really oversold how hot your brother is
So this has been this thing and in my late 20s and his sort of early to mid 20s
I was like, oh, I guess my brother is like a babe
I spent a summer in Chicago. So he's always lived in Chicago and when I was in the States
I was mostly in New York, and I was cycling
It's a great cycling city, and there are all these like really like like six-way intersection things or whatever and
I'm cycling. I'm like 28. I'm adorable
I'm peaking. I'll say it you can't say it, but I was up he can yeah. I'm like a girl on a bike
Oh my god. Oh my god. I see across the way, I see an adorable man,
also on a bike, and he looks at me,
and I was just like, oh, that cute boy is looking at me.
That's so great.
Like, what will come of this,
because we're gonna cycle past each other,
but just that's a lovely and flattering moment.
Did you piss?
That would happen later. The light turns green, we cycle, cycle, we're looking at each other, we're fucking looking
at each other, we get close enough, I'm like, that's my brother, that would be my brother,
we stop, I'm like, I thought you were working, it was like, oh, we never spoke about it,
like it was, we were a hundred percent checking each other out, never spoken about. Well, how do you know he was checking you out and he wasn't just like, oh, we never spoke about it. Like it was, we were a hundred percent checking each other out. Yeah. Oh no.
Never spoken about.
Well, how do you know he was checking you out
and he wasn't just like, oh, there's seven.
Because, I'll tell you, first of all,
that hurts my feelings.
Second of all, second of all, because of the awkwardness
that I could feel.
And then years went by and I like started,
I was like, oh, that's like a funny,
it's like a funny thing that happened.
And my sister-in-law does not find it amusing. But I think it was the moment where I was like oh, that's like a funny It's like a funny thing that happened and my sister-in-law does not find it amusing
But I think it was the moment where I was like you saw Benito is not pleased
Did your brother confirm that this was what happened when your sister-in-law doesn't like it? So I presume
I've she's I've never said to my brother with whom I like to think I have a close relationship not sexual. Let me add. That's fine
Yeah
Yeah, I guess okay guess if you're living in a world where you have to add it you're gonna wonder why yeah
do you guys know that incest is like actually very common I've never fucked
my brother for real but did you did you legit know that like a lot of people are
fucking their sibs are doing shit no another conversation it is true we can
talk about it another time but a thing is that I think a lot of people are
experimenting with family member like maybe it's more kind of thing. That's true
Find this
Statistic how are you? How are they even getting those statistics? Who's admitting to that? Let alone that many days common, please don't send me those
I've never said to my brother. Can you please confirm in?
2008 then has never had to write on his list
of things in the podcast, incest.
He's written on his night pad.
He's never had to do that before.
Bring the heat, mother fuckers.
My brother made me some wonderful nachos
for what I believe was my 36th birthday.
He homemade the tortilla chips.
They were like freshly fried.
Well.
He made a mole sauce.
It went heavy on the homemade.
Even the way you're talking about the nachos,
I can't, you want to bang your brother.
Yeah, it's so obvious.
This is not fair.
It's so obvious.
I think he's a great guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't want to bang.. But I don't want to bang.
Yeah.
I don't want to bang.
Yeah.
Describe the nachos more.
All right, you guys, they were like,
so tasty in my mouth.
I'm trying to, you know,
I'm trying to talk about food in a serious way now.
I'm trying to, I'm trying to bring it back.
Well, the nachos sound lovely.
They do sound good nachos.
They sound great.
You know what?
I think if you talk to my parents, they would sound like they want to bang him too.
I think there's this weird fixation in my family with like my brother's excellence.
And the rest of us are like these pieces of shit.
We just get to wander around and be related to the king.
That is the attitude.
Yes.
Sounds very difficult, but that sounds like a wonderful starter.
Is there meat on the nachos?
No.
Guacamole?
Yes, obviously.
No nacho without guac.
Perhaps skip the cheese because I never love the combo of the cheese and the sour cream.
We go heavy on the sour cream.
It's going to be meat free because I feel there's too much else on on on these nachos and you don't want to overdo it.
A salsa fresca. And maybe like some fresh jalapeno. And it's just it's the perfect expression. I feel that a classic, just showing I can talk about food right now, that the classic, there are how many amazing combos are there of a cheese and a bread?
Infinite?
Infintesimal?
No, that means small and I'm going for big, right?
There's an infinite, it seems like there's an infintesimal?
I think it's...
I don't know, words.
I think it is, I think that's right.
I have another anecdote right now, which I am keeping to myself.
No, because I don't want, this is what I didn't want. I don't want you to be keeping them to,
I figured, oh, I can't tell my anecdotes.
If there's no cheese on it,
it doesn't feel like nachos to me.
Oh, okay, I'll put cheese.
I'm not adamant about the lack of cheese.
I have found as I age that really like what I love
in nachos is truly the sour cream.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, because too often the, go on.
No, I splashed my neck.
And literally I knew,
because Sarah looked at me as I was going,
and I knew.
I thought you were saying like,
Sarah there's something on your neck.
Sarah's gonna think that's the thing.
Every movement.
So as soon as I did,
because I know is there anything we do,
like you were saying like,
Benita hates this.
Yeah.
And I know, anything we do.
It's so exhausting to be around me.
I know that's true. It's all, to be around me. I know that's true.
Every movement we make, you are reading
as something deeper than it is,
or you're reacting to every movement.
It's like interviewing a cat.
Do you wanna shout out your sexy brother's sandwich shop?
No, that motherfucker earns so much more money than I do.
And I'm not pleased about it.
From his sandwich shop. Yeah, he's doing so much better than I am. I'm happy for him
So I don't want to shout out but I will it is the fat as we say in America shallot the fat shallot
There's some brick-and-mortar shops. Yeah, and then his sandwich truck if you follow the fat shallot
We better fucking get to promo in my ship because this is bullshit that I'm promoting my brother's stuff
But everyone go to a sandwich shop in Chicago. It's very, very good. And he's a good sexy boy.
Yeah.
Who works hard and he makes those sandwiches.
You can always check out his sister.
You can always tell where the truck is because it's being followed by a line of horny women.
women.
Your drink made course, Sarah. Okay. This was between two things. Yeah. I kind of wanted
something in the family of a fish chowder. Oh yeah. Like uh you know I don't even I'm not that familiar with fish chowder, but I feel like once in a while,
I've been in New England,
sorry to talk about the other one,
but like a New England Martha's Vineyard,
and I had a fish stew, but it was creamy,
and it was so delicious.
And so that is sort of hanging out here as an option.
But I think if forced to choose,
it would be like a,
and I mostly don't eat meat anymore,
but this is a fantasy situation.
Like a pastrami on rye with some really good sauerkraut,
just the right amount of dressing,
enough, but not too much.
And the right pastrami.
Is there anywhere in your mind that you're getting this from?
Is there a particular place?
Yeah, I think there is.
The fat shallot?
No, we're done talking.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
We've spoken about it enough.
Yeah, I'll be Googling it later.
Please do.
Fat shallot owner noon talk.
Google images.
Katz's Deli in New York.
Now I live in New York for 15 years, but what makes me very sad when I get back there now is I'm like,
why weren't you going more places in New York?
You know, I think I went to Katz's Deli once, and I should have gone once every couple months.
There are ways in which I really exploited that city, but ways in which I'm like,
you should have like going on more walks.
You should have gone to this part of the island
when you should have done these things.
And I feel whatever about me,
like in whatever way I regret not milking the city
as much as I could.
Something in that will be healed
by sitting at Katz's deli
and ordering a pastrami on rye.
Yeah, I mean, I love it.
A sandwich, I mean, a great sandwich.
I know you're a 30 Rock fan, by the way.
I don't mean to aberrage, but I have done,
it hasn't gone out yet, but I did Celebrity Mastermind
and they ask you for your specialist subject
and I was like, no brain,
like I didn't know that you couldn't just do
whatever you wanted. I gave no thought specialist subject and I was like no brain like I didn't know that you couldn't just do whatever you wanted I
gave no thought to it and I was like 30 rock yeah and then they said
fucking gamble yeah but a Liz lemon quote is like the greatest thing in life
is like the perfect sandwich and I believe this to be true it is just that's
why I don't understand people who don't like bread like how can you not love a
sandwich when you did so put your mastermind uh-huh so you were in That's why I don't understand people who don't like bread. Like how can you not love a sandwich?
When you did celebrity mastermind.
So you were in Belfast for that.
That is where I consistently have the best seafood chowder
ever.
That's unbelievably upsetting news because I had-
I'm not sure that's how he meant it.
No, no, no, but I really, I went to Belfast early.
I've never been there before.
And I was like, oh, this is somewhere I'd like to have,
you know, at least a half of a day,
if not more to like walk around and explore.
And I asked for all these recommendations.
Like I'm not a great,
I'm a real baby when it comes to travel.
Like I leave it up to whomever else to figure out
where we'll eat and what we'll do.
And I was like, no, you're a grown up.
And I got these recommendations and just none of it.
Like I think I was there on a Sunday
and a lot of things close early.
Everything's closed in Belfast on Sunday.
I always end up there on Sunday and I'm gutted
because everything's shut.
What was the name of the place that you went to?
It was a different place.
So every time I go, I just ask whoever.
So on this occasion, I asked the people who booked
Celebrity Mastermind, where's the best place
to get seafood chowder?
I asked this ahead of time over email.
I went to the coffee.
Uh-huh.
Normally, whenever I'm going to do a gig,
I say to them, where is currently doing
the best seafood chowder?
God, that's great, James.
It changes pretty regularly.
It's because you're asking a different person. That's why. Oh, great.
It doesn't change. There isn't one place that everyone agrees on and then it changes and
they have a meeting.
Well, then this is great.
People have just got different opinions.
Either way.
Yeah.
Works out pretty well.
Either way. I think it's a great idea.
Yeah.
What I've gained from this, which is very instructive is I'm going to say, here's what
I want to eat. Where should I go? Not, is there a restaurant you would recommend? I think that's actually a better,
a less overwhelming question for a person.
Yes, I think so.
Also, I was actually gonna offer you actually
before we do move on fully,
soup and a sandwich is a meal.
Oh!
I also forgot to say, when I go to Katz's Deli,
I get a Reuben with pastrami.
So they, I think they do it as standard with salt beef.
Oh shit.
But I get pastrami Reuben.
Oh God.
It's the best.
I think that, I think that's what is in my, I think that's it.
Yeah.
Yeah. That one side of the seafood chowder.
Yeah.
That you had in Belfast.
Yeah.
Okay.
Actually, well then may I recommend a lot? I loved the one at the cloth. It was delicious
of little bits of treat. So in it as well, that was a nice touch, but the best one I've ever had was weirdly and
you'd have to go back in time to this specific to 2018 and go to the holiday in what in Belfast.
Yeah.
I didn't see it coming.
Did someone recommend that to you?
Nope.
I was staying there.
It was on the menu.
I was having, I was writing a book at the time as well.
So in the daytime, so I was just in my room. So I was ordered room, it was on the menu. I was writing a book at the time as well. So in the daytime, I was just in my room.
So I ordered room service.
It arrived, it's the best seafood chowder I've ever had.
What?
It blew my mind.
I had the same thing the next day, it was so good.
Was it the first one you had had?
Nope, I had many before.
Trying to find a reason for it.
I couldn't believe.
And when you reflect on that now,
you feel convinced, you own that opinion.
You don't think there was something going on with you then.
So I went back.
There's always something going on.
Yeah, like perceiving things.
I went back.
So next time I was in Belfast, I was like,
I wasn't staying there anymore.
But I was like, we're going there.
I ordered it and it wasn't as good.
And I said to the waiter, I was like,
you're the same chef that you had last year.
And he was like, no, you know, the same chef that you had last year. And he was like, Oh, you know, you had his, do you have a seafood chowder? And I was like, yeah. And
he was like, yeah, that it was like, it was really good. It was like, that was, that was
great. And that guy was like, he made such about, we all loved it and then he's gone.
And he said, I'll admit this, it's not as good anymore.
And I was like, that's good that you had someone verify that opinion as well.
Cause I was so heartbroken. I couldn't shut my mouth when he came and took the bowl away.
Sure, sure. But it's also, it's like very interesting. Not that we want to, you know,
make any assumptions about anybody ever, but if you picture the person who can make like one of the great seafood chowders of the world,
you don't just necessarily place them at the holiday inn.
No, no, and unless, think about this.
Oh God.
Maybe that guy was doing a reverse bear.
Yeah. Reverse bear.
Or maybe that was the start of the bear story.
Or the start of the bear story.
It's an amazing chef, works there for a bit,
but then is like, I'm destined for better things.
Yeah.
Goes on to better things and then sets up a sandwich shop.
Yeah.
And then fucks his sister.
We've never fucked.
We've never kissed.
In real life, outside of your imagination.
Outside of my head. But your side dish, you want the chowder that I had.
Oh, no, no, no. I have another.
I thought the chowder was included as part of my main with my soup.
Is that correct?
Yes, yes, yes.
Like a soup and sandwich.
I can even go half a sandwich with the soup.
We'll include it.
My side is going to be.
So again, at this Italian restaurant
that like figured I think heavily in my something.
It's just, it's in me, that Italian restaurant still.
They did like part of the menu was all these different
little like vegetables served in ramekins,
which sounds uninteresting.
Some of the greatest vegetables I've ever eaten in my life.
And at this time, I was very into eating the rainbow.
Have you guys ever done the rainbow?
Done the rainbow, Ed?
You seem like you would do the-
Yeah.
You eat sort of like,
you eat all the colors of the rainbow in a day.
And you're gonna be like,
fucking fittest you have ever been in your life.
Really?
Well, I don't think it has anything to do
with the rainbow as such.
I mean, it just encourages people to eat loads of different vegetables, right?
Yeah.
So it's got to be vegetables.
Well, no, because you could eat-
It's not a Skittles.
Exactly, all the colors of the rainbow.
We're not going Skittles or like the rainbow, the actual rainbow you talked about earlier.
No, it's like, so you should have moved through these things.
And I would get, they served this broccoli, Rob, that was served with like these very
finely sliced chilies and oppressed
salted ricotta cheese. Oh my God. Some very fine olive oil. Yeah. And that would be my
green. Do you think eating the rainbow is ever canceled out by cheese and olive oil?
Ask me that question in another way. Ever canceled. Oh, meaning if I ate the rainbow,
but then do my cheese and olive oil,
like is it a, is a healthy versus unhealthy?
Is that the question?
Do you think, yeah.
Do you think you can make something healthy, unhealthy
by covering it in cheese and olive oil?
Cause eating the rainbow to me, I was like, oh, broccoli.
That sounds good.
You're thinking that broccoli rub does not sound healthy
because it's got cheese all over it.
I understand your point.
You're seeing it wrong.
Yes. Think predominantly broccoli rub, because it's got more cheese all over it. I understand your point. You're seeing it wrong.
Think predominantly broccoli rabe,
but not in a healthy way,
in just a respect the rabe kind of way.
Respect the rabe.
I wasn't respecting the rabe.
My purple of choice when I would rainbow.
That instantly sounds gross.
Would be red onions.
So I was like eating red onions every day.
Not purple. No. Oh sorry but you know how a
red onion is purple so it would count as my purple. Clues in the name. It's red isn't it?
But it is purple. No. You guys it's not even about the cut. Beetroot's there, it's right there.
Beetroot would be pink for me. Beetroot's red. The red onion's more pink than purple.
I'm telling you right now if you were to cut open a raw beet right now Yeah What you would see is magenta and if you were looking at a red onion and you were new to our planet
You would call it a purple onion
You'd still call it an onion would you?
You know what I'm saying
Well, I'm new but that's definitely an onion
I just can't quite work out my colors
What color it is yeah
The thing is I agree that it is purple but because because it's called a red onion, I couldn't
let that be my purple. No pickle beetroot would be my purple. Pickled. Well, you know,
that's how it's red beetroot. Beetroot is not red. A tomato is red. Benito is looking like
we're getting in the weeds with this. He thinks we're getting in the weeds. Google, Google,
Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google,
Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google,
Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, Google, a George Foreman grill. Yes. And I would slice my red onion every day,
grill it, and then eat it with like, I'd put it on like some like cottage cheese or something.
My best friend is a woman named Maggie. Her husband is named Joey. Go on. You.
Her husband is named Joey. Go on. You. I know that James enjoys names.
Uh huh.
And Maggie is very funny.
My best friend is a woman called Maggie.
Yeah.
Is a very funny sentence to hear from an adult.
Are you saying it's a child's name?
Yeah.
Having a best friend.
And what's her husband's name?
Oh no, it's Joey.
Yeah, yeah.
But like also-
You're saying to me those are baby names?
I guess just hearing an adult saying, my best friend.
So that's funny anyway.
I find best friends and I, look, I have friends-
You think there's something as an adult
about having a best friend?
One.
Best friend is very funny.
That always makes me laugh.
Is it?
Any grown-
Is it?
But it's not like I think it's weird.
It's just that any grownup talking about their best friend
makes me laugh. I think that's funny. It's just that any grownup talking about their best friend makes me laugh.
I think that's funny.
You guys don't have our best friend.
No, our best friends.
I would call my best friends.
Do your wife and partner like have a best friend?
No.
No, close friends.
Multiple close friends, but no best.
A tight knit group.
Can I just say I also have a tight knit group,
but then I also have our best friend.
Maggie is the queen of the friends.
She's the queen.
But I don't even see that as weird.
It just always makes me laugh.
It's such childlike behavior.
And then the name Maggie to you feels teeny tiny.
Yeah.
It's like, you know, also.
And she's a teeny tiny lady.
So she's just very miniature in all these ways.
There's something I just find funny.
Like someone saying they're scared.
I think it's funny.
Yeah.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with being scared.
But it makes me laugh.
Childlike.
Probably.
Makes you laugh.
Yeah.
Maybe, but like, so you say my best friend
is a woman called Maggie.
I'm hitting all your boxes with that one.
Is Joey small?
They're both, you know what?
They are both.
What I hate about them is that they are both
aging unbelievably well.
They're in their mid 40s now
and they legit look better than they did in their 20s.
Cause they're called Maggie and Joey.
Cause they're called Maggie and Joey.
And they're just compact people, great fashion.
And they just are very, very, very cool.
You getting it?
Yeah.
Okay, so they come over to my house.
We're in our 20s.
And so it's the vibe is very like single Sarah
and the young married couple who's been together
since they were like 23.
But they come to my apartment
and we're like hanging out, whatever, okay.
And then it's the next day, it's like on a Sunday,
and the next day is a Monday.
Hello.
And Maggie calls me late on Monday night,
and she's like, hey, I wanna talk to you about something.
She goes, we opened our closet this morning
to get our coats and we both opened,
like to go to their real jobs.
And she goes, we opened the closet and it fucking stank.
And we looked at each other.
They went, Sarah's onions.
And they worked out that there was like a stink of onion
that had permeated my apartment so intensely.
And I was like, do you think I smell like onion?
Because I have very porous hair.
I'm just like a porous person.
And I was like, I have very porous hair.
Hair?
Hair.
And I was like, I bet.
A nickname spongy hair on the circuit.
I bet it is.
I have the worst hair, I have the worst. And I was like, do you think I'm walking around smelling like onion?
And she's like, well, I'm telling you this because I think you might.
I think if our coach stink of onion, because they were just in your apartment,
like why should we convince that you're just not stinking of onion all the time?
You must smell of onion all the time.
Your dream drink, Sarah.
I think the dream drink for me is some combination.
My two favorite things are coffee, a good coffee,
but then some very, very strong alcohol.
So I know it's not fashionable,
but I feel some variation of like the espresso martini.
It's probably something that I just like fucking love.
Or like, you know, a double espresso with some sambuca, like something like that.
Like an Irish coffee?
I think so. I've never, I'd never had an Irish coffee, but I bet I'd really, really like it.
Yeah, I bet you would.
But my problem is there's never a moment in the day when I feel comfortable combining
caffeine and liquor. It's either too early for the liquor or too late for the caffeine.
Yeah. This should be, this has routine written all over it.
I'm not one to say to comedians that should be a routine, but come on.
The premise there, surely.
Really? Really?
Too early for liquor or too late for caffeine.
There's so much there that you can work with.
But as we all know that when comedians say,
oh, you should do a routine on that,
or I really liked that bit of your routine,
what they're saying is, is either,
I could do a routine on that,
or I wish I'd done that joke.
Yeah, I could do it.
I think you could do a routine on that.
If you'd like to take that.
Too early for liquor, too late for coffee.
Yeah.
You can say anything in that voice.
No, no, no, that is very specific.
That's what everyone says about you you all note and no content.
I went my my son and I went like he ended school like for before the Christmas holidays last year
There was like a day where we were gonna run an errand and I'm like the one who never does fun shit
Yeah, and my husband is all like they go on these adventures and I and it's because I'm not fun
Like I really am not fun
But I was like I'm gonna be fun on this day like we're gonna go have a fun day
That it but by the way is the least fun energy anyone can have
I'm gonna be fun today
Exactly Monica exactly I think that is exactly who I am just I've had friends say to me like I
You know there's these ways that we all like to think of ourselves as like good friends. I'll be there for you
I think like my energy on a night out is
so ruinous I was being called like the granny when I was in my 20s like I just
I got no fun to me at all I want to like sit eat a little something talk about my
feelings talk about your feelings drink a little more than I'm comfortable with
worry I'm gonna throw up ruin night, call it a night.
Like that's my repertoire.
I've had a late night meal with you before.
Yes.
And it was great.
I thought we had very good chemistry that night.
We went out with your partner and I just thought this,
I felt good about that social night.
Yeah, it went well.
How often do you go out with someone and their partner and think that you have good chemistry
Did he tell you it was bad did we have bad chemistry not until anyone it was bad Jesus Christ
If I often my girlfriend I went away from the night say what a brilliant
Great me all the conversations
That was a great meal. Lovely conversation.
You drink old fashions.
I think I started drinking old fashions.
I was like, yeah, I'm gonna do old fashions now.
I love going out with a couple.
I rarely do it now because I'm in one.
That's just like, that was, you know,
a lot of my twenties was in that.
I love being alone with a couple.
Cause I love, why is that funny?
I don't know why that's funny.
How much you emphasize the word love.
Yeah, that was ridiculous. Yeah, that was ridiculous.
Okay, that was ridiculous.
Oh, that was funny.
I just it's so I'm always so interested in people's partners.
I think it says so much about them.
I love getting to watch a little dynamic unfold.
It's my absolute favorite thing.
I had a great night that night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, definitely if you've met someone, you've met them a few times and then you meet their partner.
So you're not like super good friends with them. You've known for years this is their new partner.
But you know, you've met some a few times, then you meet their partner. It can change how you...
Adds a piece of the puzzle.
You get information. You get so much information so fast.
It's how much I emphasize things when I speak, isn't it?
It's so ridiculous.
I'm really enjoying as well is whatever reaction I have
or whatever I say, it sends you spinning down
a new alleyway of neuroses.
Yes.
You know, I have always, and I hope today
is some kind of correction for me.
And I believe that it is,
but when we have been around each other previously,
I feel that I become my worst self.
Yeah.
Not good chemistry, right?
Well, I think it's completely my fault.
I think that there's some way that I feel neat.
The first, you won't remember this.
I don't think, but the first time I remember us
like being together, which would have been gigging together
was at a gig in Bristol.
And it was when I was like learning to open
and I felt bad about the gig and da da da da da and we're driving back I think we drove back to London
together you were and there was someone in stand up who I had rubbed me the wrong way
and I was and I never heard anyone bitch about him.
How am I the only one that understands this guy is like no this guy is a no. And then his name came up and you went on a tear about him.
But it wasn't aggressive, it was measured.
And I went, who the fuck is this guy?
I was like, this guy fucking gets it.
He gets it, yeah.
And I think there was something that I then put on you
about you seeing people right, you get it,
he fucking reads the goddamn room.
And I think at that point
I became so desperate to be like I'm great
That I would constantly be like I felt every time I saw you for a year. I was like
Anything new going on with your wedding planning?
To myself I know how to talk to people I know how to ask them
I know how to be interesting, but every fucking time with this guy
It's like,
and if you're wedding and I just horrible.
Always about the planning.
And then maybe I saw you after and I was like, good wedding. Then like, it was the only thing that had ever happened to you.
I liked catching up with you about my wedding.
Well, that's very generous.
I felt I was like teaching you slowly to steer clear of me.
No way. You're on the pod.
So first of all, I'd say everyone has that with someone.
Everyone has a person who they panic around every time
and in their head, they've messed it up every time.
So I think everyone's got that with someone.
Definitely.
But I would say with you, it's everyone you know.
This is terrible. I really want to change that.
I'll be honest with you, Sarah.
This is the first time we've done this in the dream restaurant,
but I don't think we should give you an espresso martini.
Because I'm too hyped.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's fair.
It's fair.
A decaf espresso martini?
But isn't that like a pussy move?
Like a pussy move.
A pussy move?
Like, no, you can't have a decaf.
No.
Oh, I thought you were accusing Ed.
Because I don't know what pussy move is.
I don't think, I think it just-
I thought you were accusing Ed of, by him saying that to you, it was him doing a pussy
move on you.
Oh, no, no, no.
I think-
Like it was a disgusting term for like a sex thing.
Like a hitting up.
Like a chat up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like he's nagging you.
Yeah.
Oh.
Going, hey, I don't think you should have that. And you're like, Oh, I get what's happening.
Just because of the leaps that you've been making
for some of Ed's little things.
And I just want to put this out there.
It wasn't.
No, of course, of course.
You were trying to be kind.
Here's what it is.
It's the right day for me to get to have.
I'm not working at night.
I don't really have much to do except swan around
and I'm sat down some place someplace that's gonna do a nice one
at 1 p.m.
Christmas Eve?
Yeah, perfect, perfect Christmas Eve.
Would you have espresso martini at 1 p.m.?
Yeah. I love that.
Christmas Eve?
Oh yeah, yeah.
That sounds wonderful.
Or even I would say like the 23rd.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, and like my husband and I always go
and see it's a wonderful life.
And sometimes if we can, we'll go in the afternoon.
So maybe I'd have it like on the 22nd
whilst watching it's a wonderful life.
Oh my God.
Me and my wife do all our Christmas shopping
in the center of London on the 22nd or 23rd.
That is so beautiful.
It's a wonderful wife.
It is a wonderful wife.
And then, so we'd get it all done, then go for an early dinner normally at Bentley's
and eat seafood and drink champagne.
Basically, but the dinner gets earlier and earlier.
We know what champagne needs to be.
Uh oh.
We know where that's going to go.
A bit of Michael Jones on the jukebox.
Michael B. Can I add something into your mix as you guys mature as a couple? Yes. Adding in.
Split up. Who talks like that? Can I add something into the mix as you guys mature as a couple?
As they mature with their traditions. Yes. You guys are going to get, you pick, it could be Liberty,
it could be Fortnum and Mason, it could be Harrods. Every year you go to one of those stores and
you each can pick out a precious new ornament for your Christmas tree.
Now we sort of do do something a bit like that, but you understand if you suggest traditions
for other couples in the way you just did it, there's no way they're ever going to do
them because every time they do them, they'll go, Sarah Barron told me to do that in the creepiest way
I've ever seen.
Oh, I thought I was doing it in like a sweet way.
Oh my God.
I'm like trying to be sweet and I'm seeming creepy.
Like a little, I was going a little sweetie.
Yeah.
I was like giving you my sweet face, not creepy.
But um.
Oh God.
Your dream dessert, Sarah.
I think my dream dessert, when I was a kid,
we went on a family holiday,
and I was allowed to get a dessert,
and so that already felt festive.
And I went to this restaurant,
and I've never seen this before,
where they put lemon sorbet into an actual lemon.
lemon sorbet into an actual lemon.
And I thought it was the most beautiful, we started with princesses and I feel we're just gonna
bring it back in for a landing with a princess.
Like I felt like a princess eating lemon sorbet
out of a lemon.
Now as an, so I want that magic in my life as an adult.
Now I feel as an adult that sorbet on its own is a bullshit food.
I have no respect for it.
A bit of a very, very good sorbet paired with a very flavor rich gelato.
So maybe we're doing, what about this?
Like a really good coconut ice cream with a very,
very good tangerine sorbet.
Would you like the tangerine sorbet and the tangerine and the coconut in half coconut?
No.
Okay.
I think what I want is still the lemon shell, but a really, really good lemon ice
cream with a little bit of maybe a coconut ice cream as well.
All in the lemon.
All packed in to that frozen lemon and I dip in and I feel like a little lady again.
So you, but it's not lemon sorbet anymore?
No.
It's lemon ice cream now.
It brings me the joy that I felt as a child,
but with my more adult opinions on dessert,
which is that sorbet is never going to cut it.
I've had lemon sorbet out of a lemon before in a curry house,
because they tend to pop up on curry house menus as dessert.
I ordered a punky penguin and they'd run out.
What's a punky penguin?
It's ice cream and a plastic penguin.
People love it. Kids love it.
Of course, of course.
Kids love it. I ordered it
because I was feeling free, you know?
Yes.
And the penguin has like, it's like you there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a punk, yeah.
But they didn't have it, so they had the sorbet
and the lemon, so I had that and I felt like a princess.
But I was gutted about punky.
And then did that sort of deprivation of punky,
like, could you, did you get fixated on it
until you were then able to have punky penguin?
I've not had a punky penguin since then
because rarely am I feeling that free
and rarely is it on the menu in the places I go.
Have you, I have as an adult,
there was some day, you know,
it was like all the stars aligned and I wasn't,
I was like on my own.
And since having a child, I went on a beautiful summer's day
and I had an ice cream cone,
just walking on my own on a beautiful summer's day.
And that is one of like the happiest times
I've had in recent history.
There's something, it's very,
it's very, very childhood joy,
these ice cream situations I find. Yes, I agree. It's very very childhood joy these ice cream situations I find yes
It's brilliant every time I think it's my turn to have an ice cream
How many times in a week do you eat ice cream James?
Oh, it's pay I guess on average because obviously some weeks I don't have ice cream at all, but some weeks
Obviously, I mean crazy. Yeah, you go kaka. So maybe on average, an average year once or twice a week.
After dinner or is like a mid afternoon snack? As dinner. Never as dinner. After dinner usually,
but then sometimes it might be in the after, if I'm at a seaside town and someone's like,
let's get some, let's get an ice cream. I'm not going to say no to that. No, you're not. Okay.
So it can pop up in the afternoon. Sure. But usually it'll be after dinner.
I love this lemon sorbet and the lemon
with a bit of coconut in it as well.
You can't get much in there though.
And I just, I love anything that has like a tropical,
I like to feel like I'm in the tropics
when I eat my dessert.
Never been to the tropics,
but I would like to go and it's what takes me there.
When you see someone walking down the beach,
you're like, hubba hubba.
Hubba.
And then it gets closer. Oh no, it's my brother.
I'm not talking about that anymore.
Hubba hubba brother brother.
If you wanna say to hubba hubba brother brother.
I've been, you know what I'm thinking about?
It's like that 30 rock, the 30 rock scene.
I always enjoy being around someone who's obsessive
about the show because I feel like most of my life
I'm walking around just wanting to make 30 rock references and be like, you know the scene where but you know the scene where like
I don't know if it's it's off. That's a deal breaker ladies where Liz lemon
Like she gets again. Is that why you like a lemon ice cream?
Maybe it is
Lemon ice cream she and Jenner both gonna get to be on the cover of a magazine and Jenna was like
You're not gonna goad me into like I'm gonna and now I feel like I'm not going to discuss wanting to fuck my brother anymore.
Well, it's the end of the episode.
Good point. Well made.
Let me read your menu back to you now, see what you feel about it.
OK. You would like still water,
sourdough bread with olive oil and sea salt.
Starter, your dream plate of nachos made by your hot brother
showing show black sour cream salsa fresca jalapeno homemade nachos made by hand
main course pastrami on rye with sauerkraut and dressing and a side of seafood chowder
and we're going to Katz's deli for the sandwich there and we're going to the Holiday Inn in And dressing and a side of seafood chowder.
And we're going to Katz's Deli for the sandwich there.
And we're going to the Holiday Inn in Belfast in 2018.
Side dish, the broccoli rub with chili and ricotta from.
Now defunct, it was called Oto Inno Tecca Pizzeria.
Rest in peace.
RIP.
Drink espresso martini at 1 p.mpm on Christmas Eve or the 23rd.
Or the 22nd.
Or the 22nd.
Not the 21st, I don't think.
No, too early.
That's when you do your final gig before Christmas.
Yes, that is when you do your final gig before Christmas.
Yeah.
Not me, November.
Living the life.
Oh, he lives the life.
Desserts, lemon and coconut ice cream in a lemon shell.
I think it sounds good.
It does sound good.
Do you think it sounds, be honest with me.
Do you think it sounds good?
It genuinely does.
And I wasn't expecting it to sound good because we've just been talking about incest for a
lot of the episode.
Yeah.
I'll be honest.
Like I think it does sound good.
I'd say I definitely enjoy all of it.
I would enjoy the dessert, but I also find it funny that that's your dream dessert. Why? Just two scoops of ice cream in a lemon shell. Is this funny to me? Why? I
genuinely don't understand why that's funny. I thought we were just wrapping up the upside
and now Sarah's got worried about something again. No, no, no. I'm not worried. I'm done
because I understand. I don't want to be exhausting to people. And I understand that my worry
is exhausting, but I think that I think it seems like, oh, that would make sense as a, it's like a childhood.
And it's refreshing.
It's refreshing.
Yeah, it's got it.
It shouldn't be a childhood fantasy.
That's fucking ridiculous.
Just a lemon, it's just a lemon.
I know, I just, I remember it, I remember it so well.
Yeah, it's not, I think it's a nice memory.
I was about to say it, that's amazing.
Oh, amazing.
Lemon sorbet and a lemon shelf.
Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Sarah. Guys, it was a pledge. Thank you, amazing. Yeah. Lemon sorbet and a lemon shelf. Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Sarah.
Guys, it was a pledge.
Thank you, Sarah.
Thank you, James and Ed.
Well there we are, James.
What a wild ride with Sarah Barron.
I loved that episode.
Fantastic episode.
We learned so much about Sarah, heard about some delicious
food and crucially, Sarah did not choose a Wendy's burger. She did not choose to sleep
with her brother. That's very crucial. She wanted us to get that point. She wanted us
to make that very clear. Yes. So we didn't have to kick her out the restaurant for either
picking the secret ingredient or incest. So thank you very much for that, Sarah. Do listen
to Sarah's podcast. They like to watch. They like to
watch the podcast she does with Geoff Lloyd, wonderful broadcaster and also Sarah's husband.
You heard about him in this episode. About TV. Exactly. So do go and listen to that. Follow Sarah
on social media. Try and see her live for goodness sake. She's an absolutely brilliant comedian.
But thank you again, Sarah. And thank you to you guys, the listeners. Thank you to the listeners. Thank you, Ed. Thank you, James. Thank you, Benito.
Thank you, Benito. Bit rude.
You didn't say thank you back.
Didn't say thank you back.
Didn't even look at us.
No. We'll see you next week. Bye bye.
Bye. Hi, I'm Lucy Beaumont.
And guess what? I'm Sam Campbell. If you enjoy, well, there's another podcast just coming
out. The podcast is out now.
Yeah. If people have enjoyed Off Menu, will they enjoy Lucy and Sam's perfect brains? I don't I don't
know. There's there's a bit of crossover we talk about um maybe you know a couple of food
issues we talk about cutlery and that's near food we reckon it's out now not soon it's
now. Is it on all the platforms? Oh it absolutely is if you like James and if you love head
you might get a kick out of this but yeah again no pressure but
yeah this one is coming this one's out now.
Lucy and Sam's perfect brands.