Rooster Teeth Podcast - Armando took 7,000 mg of WHAT? - #787
Episode Date: January 29, 2024Go to http://shopify.com/roosterteeth to sign up for a $1-per-month trial period. Armando and Griff come back from the dead to join Andrew for another podcast filled with pizza talk and weed stories.... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This is not backing out of our presidential run or our fight with Disney. It's the RT podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah, baby.
I am your host, Armando Torres, and with me as always is...
Andrew Rosas.
I wish the COVID had taken me.
It's crazy that you didn't have COVID.
Yeah.
And you sound like that.
It's pretty wild.
I feel like a lot of people are going
to think I'm doing a joke a bit, a goof them up.
No, I have.
I got sick.
And now I just sound like Alex Jones.
And there's no way out of it.
And again, it sounds like I'm putting on a voice.
I can do Armando's voice, but this takes so much effort.
I have to open up my throat.
You did posture.
Yeah, you have to do the posture
because the moment you sit back down,
it goes absolutely like a fucking way.
I went, look.
To do this voice, I've kind of got a, it's like I'm sucking a dick
When I want to sound like I know
When I want to shout hold on what I want to sound like I used to
It takes a lot of effort a lot of posture
But then I come back down here where I eat pussy.
And it's sounding like a real fucking man.
I'm just, my point is, is that I'm not putting on a voice.
It's just what's happening.
And I swear to God, I hope it goes away.
But if you want to help us supply ourselves
with enough cough drops and hot tea
to get through this voice change,
then you should consider going over to
thertpodcast.com slash first.
First is the best way to support us
in all the stuff that we do,
whether that stuff is talking shit
or talking about how the water's turning the frogs fucking gay.
First is the best way.
I sound like Alex Jones.
We also have to pay all those parents. Yeah, because I because I was
insistent that Sandy Hook was alive. Yeah, I took the most
indefensible position of all time and wrote it all the way to like a
trillion dollar settlement. Something insane. I to make a career out of it too.
Oh my God.
When you put it like that, Alex Jones does sound very Armando.
Taking the worst position and absolutely just
riding it into fame.
Riding it straight into litigation.
Well, for Alex Jones, that's what we call you here.
There we go.
That would make sense.
See you very late.
Please supply us with enough gorilla alpha mindset powder or whatever it a fuck whatever there's like food buckets is
that dude Hawks. This is gonna be the my first time speaking for a long. Yeah I
don't I don't know how this is gonna go. I actually didn't sound this bad when the
day started. The thing is is I have, this is my first time seeing another person since I went to
the urgent care.
And by the way, to make you feel a little bit better, what happened with me is I went
to Colorado, beautiful state.
I left my winter coat in Minnesota, so the entire weekend when it started snowing, I
was just wearing cotton clothing that would get snowed on,
and then the snow would turn into water,
so it was basically just wet all weekend.
Yeah, yeah, you had the cold recipe.
You gave yourself, like, that's what you want to do
if you want to be, like, frozen, like, found on a sidewalk.
It was an entire week full of me meeting people, touching
their hands, getting very...
Bleh.
Sorry.
The whole weekend of me like meeting people, touching
their hands, getting very up close and personal, wet, cold.
Yeah, so I got it cold.
And then I came back here and I refused to stop
hitting that fucking vape, dude.
And I fucked around and I refused to stop hitting that fucking vape, dude.
Uh, and I fucked around and I found out.
I gave myself a cute bronchitis
and almost gave myself pneumonia.
Yeah, that's what happens when you spend a weekend
feeling like you were just pulled from a river.
That was like, they just constantly always just like,
man, is Hermione more waterlogged than usual? It looks like some detect constantly always just like, man, is there more no more waterlog than usual?
Like it looks like some detectives are standing like,
pfft, my God.
Yeah.
And then I'm looking up at those detectives like,
can I hit your face?
Come on, please.
Oh, my God.
Can I hit a Lucy?
Come on, please.
So I spent an entire, let's see,
I've been like this for about a week.
I've been trying all the classics.
I put some Vicks Vapo rub on my chest,
got myself a fuckin' 12 pack of 7-up.
The thickest fuckin' blanket you could buy your child
in the middle of a casino.
Nice.
You know it's got a fuckin' tiger on it.
I was gonna say, what big cat is featured on this blanket?
How white is this fur and how blue are its eyes?
That's one of those ones where it's like,
everything on the blanket is either white or red.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Real fucking black light felt poster as a blanket.
Yes, absolutely.
One of my favorite, so I just got on TikTok
and occasionally I found some like, one of
my favorite things about artists on TikTok.
Sorry, I just realized what you said.
I just got on TikTok.
No, yeah, I didn't.
That's right, I was laughing too.
Sorry.
So I just got on TikTok, but I, and you know, I, I, sorry.
We'll see you again. I Sorry
We'll see you again. So I just got on tiktok and
One of my favorite things about like tiktok art on there is that someone will have painted the most
Detailed, I mean like probably took
600 hours to paint every hair on
Essentially that art like it's like the shittiest art of all time
that someone spent how hundreds of hours working on.
And it's so funny to me.
It's like, it'll start as a close-up
of them putting one white whisker by the nose,
and then it zooms out, and it's like a painting,
like a six-foot by eight-foot painting
of a white tiger's face.
And I'm like, that looks like, yeah,
it belongs in a blanket by the side of the road.
You know what I mean?
Being sold, yeah, exactly.
Someone's got a furtive, she'll look see those, man.
I guess so, yeah, exactly.
Someone has to make the picture on the cardboard
of the blanket that you buy as you can see
what it looks like when it's unfolded.
Truly, truly art that like Tony Montana
would put in his fucking house.
Like a twogoddy for him
Yeah, but not too Goddy for the same person who has a Tony Montana poster
My favorite thing about tiktok is that somebody will spend just as much time
Painting that beautiful thing that you describe as they will making the guy from Mega Mind look a buff and hot
Which is my favorite fucking. Yeah.
It's just the like the club runway music to hot drawings
of cartoon characters.
The internet was a mistake.
I think we've always established that.
Yeah.
This thing that I love with TikTok,
and I wonder if it's a generational thing.
I wonder if it's like younger millennials and Gen Z are starting to do it.
Or I wonder if it's just on certain places like TikTok, where the currency that people
run in now is time.
What I mean by that is like, we've seen a lot of stuff on YouTube.
We've seen a lot of MrBeast shit.
I call him Jimmy because we're so close.
We're so close.
I call him Jimbo because we're not close anymore and I hate him Jimmy because we're so close. I call him Jimbo because we're not close anymore. I
See Jimbo's content, you know, and he's doing stuff that seems really expensive and I want to be clear
It's good stuff that he's doing for the most part. He doesn't plan any of it
He doesn't actually do any of the work for it. He just kind of shows up
He bankrolls he bankroll well even then you know
You can make arguments for it
My point is is that he does a lot of stuff
that's really impressive because of how expensive it is.
Scale.
The scale is insane.
But TikTok, at least a lot of the things that I see go viral,
are things that the only thing they cost was time.
I wish they get five minute long time lapse of a guy who
stared at a clock for 24 straight hours.
He stayed awake for 24 hours so that he could from start to finish, watch a clock go all
the way around twice.
Yeah, he's doing the Mr. Beast method.
What do you mean?
That's how Mr. Beast started his content.
Was by watching clocks?
So Mr. Beast's old content, the way he got like big was he would do stuff like, how long
does it take to get to the bottom of Excel?
OK. And he would just like just until he got to the bottom of Excel,
it's just like a 26 hour video.
Or like, how long does it take to cut a table in half with a plastic knife?
Interesting. And that was just stuff like that.
Just like stuff that you've had a thought of, but would never do.
Because the time suck.
And he would just like do it.
And that's what he built the brand on basically
So what we're learning is if you value if you don't value your time at all
If you just keep digging the hole, you'll eventually get to the other side to fabulous wealth
Yeah, like if you know literally that's like it's a whole genre of youtuber
That is what if I did this thing and that's like what the front page, like there's this one guy, his name's,
I think his name's like Tyler Olivaria, I don't know.
And he does stuff like, how, like it was like, how long does it take to cut a tree down with a wooden axe?
And he just does that. Or like, how long can I survive next to a volcano?
Sure.
Just cause. He just does stuff like that.
But here, well here's the, here's the,
here's the sunk cost fallacy of this.
Is that like, Mr. Beast is the like exception, not the rule.
Oh yeah.
So that like, it's like, well I'm gonna do the same thing
and see if I can cut a tree down with a fucking spork.
And then you do it and nothing comes from it and you're like
My life
I disagree with you because I watched five minutes of a guy staring at a clock
It's not interesting at all. No, and I watched it cuz I was like no way
Was he pissed? I think he was pissing under a blanket into a jar, if I'm being quite honest with you.
Real Howard Hughes hours.
See, that's like the other guy who just did shit.
Did he put his hand in the thing, the nitrogen, remember him?
Yeah.
Or he would drink stuff that was bad just to see what happens.
Yeah, well, I think it's a fucking scale.
Because you're right.
I didn't know that about Mr. Beast's origins.
Or I feel like I did, and I remembered it when you told me
Because you but also it doesn't matter. I didn't know that stuff about mr. Beast's origins until you said it
and I I feel like
Yeah, you have that it's
The currency of how much time I will waste on a stupid idea is so funny
But you have to like there's like a cleverness to it.
Like watching the clock, I think it's funny.
Seeing what the bottom of Excel is,
I think it's kind of funny.
But then you have people that waste their time
and they waste minimal time,
but they waste a lot of resource.
And what I mean by that are those guys like that one guy
who's like, this one's for all the juggalos and juggalats in his backyard
and he fucking jumps off a table. Oh, superhuman. Superhuman. Onto a fucking oven covered in fucking
thumbtacks and barb wire. Yeah. Where it's like that did take- Honestly, respect. It took a minimal
amount of time, but it's going to take a lot more time to recover. Oh, yeah. Sure. It's the time,
the time wasted on camera is that important part. It's, like you said, it's the time the time wasted on camera. Yeah, it's that important part It's it's like you said it's the scale of like what part you're willing to waste cuz like I said
you guys that video last night. I don't know if you saw it, but a bunch of people it's like a
Don't want do In the garage and they get three pounds of weed and they light on fire in the leaf blower They basically almost suffocated
Literally how depressed dad's in the 80s killed them said like you're locking a car garage and starting the engine like yeah, but it's got fucking weed
Yeah, you'd imagine fucking
Killing yourself off the blood
I will say visually for like six seconds. It did look sick as hell
Yeah, because it looks sick to see that much because like you know
Maybe you know, I don't know we spoke has that tint to it
Yeah
So when it comes out and that mean allegedly allegedly and that volume out of a leaf blower
That did look super sick what did look super sick was when the cameraman you could hear people being like haha
I can't see anything haha. Where's the door and you're just looking at smoke and no bodies
Yeah, and then that song really starts. Because it's like, in the white room, like they're trying to get at it.
Like, fuck! With no courage!
Chopper sounds are happening.
Yeah, that's Charlie was everywhere.
That's the worst part is because they're also getting higher.
So they're getting actively scared.
What do you mean?
I don't think they actually got high.
I think they definitely got high, both from the weed itself,
instantly hitting them, but also from the lack of oxygen. I think they definitely got high both from the weed itself instantly hitting them, but also from the lack of oxygen
I think they definitely got high from it. But like can you can you even if you're breathing in through your nose?
Just a room full of weed smoke. Yes. Is it gonna go in? What the fuck is it gonna go in? Hot boxes. Yeah
I don't I've never thought it actually worked. Yeah, it works. Yeah. You thought it was just some urban legend, like rainbow parties or some shit.
Follow up question.
If you do a weed and you smoke it.
One weed, please.
When you do a weed and you smoke it,
and it goes in your lungs,
and that's the part that makes you high.
When it come out, is all the high stuff in your lungs,
and now it's just smoke.
It's carbon dioxide.
Is it just carbon dinonoxazimide?
I mean, I don't think it's,
I think it's carbon dioxide going in.
I think it's smoke and carcinogens.
That's why you're not supposed to do that.
It's because if you do that and inhale it,
you're going to sound like me, but forever.
Remember when I was first got sick
and all I was doing was Harvey Fierstein?
Yeah, you're like, oh my God, David.
David, why do I send my mother to Atlanta? David, why do I send my mother to Atlanta?
David, why did I send my mother to Atlanta?
I'm Javi Fiest.
Listen here, sweetheart.
I'm gonna turn Robin Williams into a lady.
I'm gonna turn you into a fucking lady,
don't you worry about it.
I did that for so long, now I know why my voice is fucked up.
Yeah, we just kept asking you.
I was like, do Dr. Girlfriend then.
I was doing Dr. Girlfriend.
I was doing, I was doing Claw.
That's good.
Dr. Claw.
I was doing Dr. Claw.
I asked you to do Smog.
Smog is what put me over the edge.
Smog is what put me over the edge, sweetheart.
Anyway, yeah, I don't know if you.
Are you stuck in it? No, you're stuck in there now. Where's that's I don't know
They stuck in there now
Where's the I'm stuck in the smoke
Hey, what's up guys there it is that's back at me. That's such a fucking weird It's there's no way for it to make sense, but it takes so much effort to do that
I don't know that when I inhale the smoke that I'm taking all of the high supplements
into my body and exhaling like pure oxygen. I don't know that that's how it works. I feel like
it's just that I don't, but if I'm being clear with you, I don't know why the smoke makes me hot.
That's the other thing. Well, no, I know why. It's because chemical in the smoke is suspended.
Yes. Even when you combust the weed at a certain temperature, it activates the
THC.
That's why we can't just eat weed and get high.
But no, you can't.
You can't.
After you've activated it.
Yeah, but it has to be activated first.
You can't just...
I mean, if I eat it, absolutely.
Unless you're a dog.
Yeah.
Which I've seen.
Which I've seen.
When you get really high.
When you get really high.
I've told you about that.
Yeah. Yeah, and then you get really hot. You get really hot. I've told you about that.
Yeah.
I was dog sitting and my friend's dog ate like the end of a joint and I thought she was dying.
No, end of a joint covered in oil and grass and resin.
Diamond joints.
Yeah.
And she, it wasn't a lot.
It was like a roach and with like a little bit of ash in the end
But she consumed it she's a counter surfer. Yeah, and I thought she was dying
Because I'm sorry when we were driving I was took her to the vet because I was worried and she was just in the back
Like crying
Wailing I was like she's in so much pain right now. She's just like me for real
I was like, she's in so much pain right now. She's just like me for real.
That's what happens in that.
No, that's what I said.
She's just like me for the first time I had the edible.
And I was like, oh my god, no.
She saw a god.
Like she was literally like.
Oh yeah, she was fucking chatting with those machine elves.
You know what I mean?
Seeing fucking fractals and shit.
Griff sent me a picture of the dog.
And the picture of the dog was playing in a white room with black curtains,
everything's gray, tiger poster, I'm a dog.
My god, Jesus Christ.
It's in hindsight, it was very, when it was happening.
Houndside.
In houndside.
It was so upsetting. It was so upsetting when it was happening. Hounsight, it was so upsetting.
It was so upsetting when it was happening,
but like when I found out that she was high
and like the vet started laughing,
that's when I started having fun.
And it was, it's like watching a toddler walk
for the first time.
She's got folly.
I actually have a follow up to Hound Visor
which I don't like anymore.
Hounsight, yeah.
Hounsight.
It's just, this is so stupid.
In a gray room with great curtains,
everything's gray, I'm a hot dog.
So fucking stupid.
So fucking stupid.
That was very good.
Sorry, speaking of, as occasionally you'll see like
stuff, you know, usually on Twitter, it's like,
would you smoke this?
And it is like, the joint looks like,
it looks like a Chicago dog.
Oh, it's like too much.
It's like, what would you do if you smoke this?
I don't know, die?
I fucking die.
That's what I would do if I smoked that instantly.
I feel like there is a, okay.
One day, I accidentally ingested,
I think we did the math,
and I think it was about 7,200 milligrams of THC.
I'm sorry?
Yeah, we went to a,
there's actually a video of it that is up on my YouTube.
It's me and Frank Castillo from Roast Battle.
You're still high.
Yeah, I don't ever think I left the room.
Have you ever seen Stephen King's 1408?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you never left.
Yeah, it will, no.
This is your Jacob's Ladder.
I've heard the rest of your life's been Jacob's Ladder.
Fucking, like jokes aside,
I swear to God, the worst part of being that high
is there's moments where you feel it start to go down
and then you feel it get worse.
And you're like, how?
How?
It was like I was at rock bottom
and I saw the floor crumble.
And oh no!
You fucking falling even worse.
Yeah, I went to a weed carnival.
Okay, that's called a carnival, my friend.
You ever see the people who work there?
That's a carnival.
No, you're thinking of the Fent fair. That's all fairs, baby.
It's the same joke, but it's still the same truth.
Yeah, my favorite part about the weed carnival is that, like, at a normal carnival, you
can just go buy a beer, but people are sneaking in weed.
But at the weed carnival, you can bring in weed and people are sneaking in beer.
Yeah.
Incredible.
This is an absolute fucking delight.
It was, uh... Oh, my God.
I think anything to get crossfaded.
Anything. Anything.
Anything.
Any means to associate.
I think it was in...
I think we were in Pomona, I want to say.
And it was a weed carnival.
I was filming it for this show that I used to do called We Are Best Pomona, I want to say. And it was a weed carnival.
I was filming it for this show that I used to do
called We Are Best Friends Now,
where I would hang out with another comedian friend of mine
and we would do something that they liked doing.
So I hung out with another comedian, Pulavigan Allen,
and she's a dancer.
So I took an advanced hip hop dance class with her.
And imagine this.
Advanced.
Slightly less unhealthy doing fucking advanced hip hop dances
where they thought I was having a seizure.
And I was like, no, I'm doing the moves.
I'm doing the moves.
I'm not being electrocuted.
No, no.
There was like Paige Wesley and I from Colt Podcast.
Before we were doing Colt Podcast,
got our feet in red.
We do all this stuff.
So I went with Frank Castillo, huge stoner,
to this weed carnival.
And we were just walking around filming stuff,
being goofy idiots.
I ate a bunch of edibles that people willingly gave us.
That's insane to me.
Well, I ate the edibles because I wanted to get high.
And that was fine. That I was fine with. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm saying it's insane to me. Well, I ate the edibles because I wanted to get high and that was fine. That I was sorry
I'm sorry. I'm saying it's insane because usually if I want to get high I have half and edible. Yeah, you ate multiple multiple
And it was like a fucking sleeve of starburst
The orange edibles because they're fucking dumb and gross I ate them
but my
I'm like a dumb and gross and I hate them. But they're my two.
But yeah, and the crazy thing is it's one of those places
where it's essentially like, think of it like a business fair.
So everyone's bringing their highest,
most strongest edibles and we-
Of course, yeah, it's an unchecked arms race.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly, of who can send me to the moon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I am eating all these edibles.
I'm eating all this stuff.
I'm smoking all this weed.
I'm getting highest shit.
And then I get a phone call from a booker in San Diego
who goes, hey, can you do 20 minutes?
And this is like, I'm like a couple of years
into stand-up comedy.
And I haven't really gotten a chance to do a 20-minute
say.
And I'm like, yeah.
Yeah, I can absolutely do that, forgetting
that I just ate like seven fucking edibles.
I'm like, oh, shit.
All right, I have to sober up so that we can finish this video.
And I can get to San Diego, and I can do this 20 minutes.
And I'm like, the only way I'm going to sober up,
the way that weed works is six to fat, THC, six to the fat cell. way I'm going to show up, the way that weed works, it sticks to fat,
THC sticks to the fat cells.
So I'm going to go eat something really fatty, really gross.
So I go over to the food court, and I order everything.
I order a burger, I order large chili cheese fries,
I order a pizza, and then a dessert thing.
And I'm just eating all this food.
At a wheat carnival, that's called a number one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I got it a small, so it's called a number one. Yeah. Yeah.
And I got it as small, so it only came with a large sprite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'm eating all this food at the food court.
People are fucking looking at me.
The camera guy's still rolling, and I'm like, OK,
I don't know what's going on.
So as I'm eating this, this guy comes up to me and goes,
wow, you're really brave.
I go, what?
And they were like, you ordered the full flight
from that guy's stuff.
And I was like, yeah, I mean, it looked really good.
They were like, yeah, well, he's like our designated weed
chef.
That's why he's in here.
He's not in the regular outside food court.
Everything that he made was made with weed butter and weed oil.
And again, we did the math.
It was like 70, I think 72 or 76
100 Milligrams of THC I have
7.5 milligrams and then I have to take a Xanax because I got too high in paranoia
Yeah, Mono. Well first of all like a pair your body reaches a point where it can't even process that much
I think you found the limit
Yeah, you found the like the gate the threshold where your body just goes, well done with this.
You're just gonna be on planet.
You're an autopilot.
You figure it out.
I fell asleep.
Yeah, I mean.
Standing.
I fell asleep standing at a certain point.
And then my friend Frank.
Look up, the carnival was gone.
Standing in a field like fucking Walter White
in underwear.
I was like, oh, oh. I field like fucking Walter White and underwearing. I was like, oh, oh.
I don't think the carnival ever existed.
This is one of those time paradoxes.
Yeah.
Yeah, and so I fell asleep standing up.
I had to be carried, sort of carried, to a car
where my friend Frank drove us to San Diego from Pomona.
And then I just slept in the green room
until I woke up, ate half of a burger, vomited profusely.
There it is. I was waiting for the pee.
Oh, yeah. That was coming.
It was really bad. I vomited profusely.
And then I did the weirdest 20 minutes of stand-up
you've ever seen.
You did the 20 minutes? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's insane. You did the 20 minutes of stand-up you've ever seen you did the 20 minutes oh yeah
absolutely that's insane yeah it was just you it was just you with your head on
the toilet going was of the ego anybody here dating oh my god, um, man. And she couldn't. Yeah. I love my punchline.
You do 20 minutes of the hackiest shit imaginable.
Just like the oh man, my wife guy.
But then it all ends with.
Yeah, it all ends with.
You manifest.
What if you manifested an entire 20 minutes of the lived reality that you were stuck in
for that entire time where you do have like a bitch wife and kids you hate,
and you're just doing an entire set.
Yeah, you have the sitcom version of this.
It's like the best set of your life.
And you're asked to, you know, you get booked on a bigger show
and have to try to recreate that moment.
Yeah, so I'm tracking down this magic.
Yeah, exactly.
The magic shaft to recreate the exact conditions to recreate this yeah, oh my god. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and I
Yeah, I definitely don't ever want to do that much again
I can't believe you ever did a weed again after that it took a while. Yeah, it definitely
Hot it would reactivate truly crack my neck
Okay, hold on I want to look this up really quick so that I can tell you when it happened because I think this is starting to explain Why Armando is the way that our bond?
this was because I think this is starting to explain why Armando is the way that Armando is. This was six years ago, and I'm 28 right now, so I was 22.
So when I was 22 years old, that's when it happened.
And I think it fundamentally changed the way that my brain works.
I'm picturing the fucking...
The white blood cells in your brain like that's there like
9-11 like it was like it was just a Tuesday like in the other case except
their slogan is always forget they're trying to finish building your
prefrontal cortex and it's just like and then darkness yeah darkness for 72
hours like the fucking eclipse like looking up at like a shadow of fucking team weed
smoke.
No.
Mr. President, a second blunt has hit the lips.
Armando is under attack.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Hey, I hate to switch it up on you guys,
but I have a hypothetical for you.
Give it to us.
I've been thinking about this for a couple of days,
and I want to get your take on it.
Let's say you and a friend are having a movie night,
movie and pizza night.
Love it.
Love it.
And you go, I got the movie.
You come over to my place.
All I need you to do is grab the pizza on the way here,
and they go, I got you.
I'm here.
I'm ready.
Let's go for it.
They show up at your house. Yeah.
Frozen pizza from a grocery store. Oh, go.
Get the fuck out of my head.
Get out. We're not for I'm deleting you in my phone.
I'm blocking you. We are never speaking again.
Interesting. Well, OK.
Well, you first. No, go ahead.
You have you.
What frozen pizza?
Because there's one pizza frozen pizza.
I can think of that I would allow but it would still be like
Come on man. I feel like this is where we have are gonna have differences my favorite frozen pizza
That's available everywhere is a Dijourno rising crust pizza with pepperoni classic if I'm not doing that
I'm doing the scream in Sicilian
Sure great fucking oven pizza
Sam's Club take home and bake pizza might be my favorite at-home pizza
I I agree with you because I feel like that one is not I feel like it's not a true frozen
Pizza one that they give you there when you buy it for a dollar 25
You can get a big old drink with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so that was for give that that one is forgive
I can see that okay, so oh by the way pro tip
You can you can very easily gussie up a frozen pizza like literally drizzling like a little olive oil on top of it and cutting up
Literally any fresh vegetable on top of it baking baking it, you can make a frozen.
Oh, rolled tomato?
Yeah, exactly.
You can actually like,
plus up a frozen pizza tremendously
with a couple of moves.
What's up?
By the way, just as an aside,
Andrew and I found the pizza that I've been looking for.
We did!
Holy shit!
I've been looking for a very specific type
of like 1980s pizza hut.
Like, you just won the fucking season
and we're all going to the pizza parlor at a hundred books
yeah oh what is the like rising bread ass pizza it's the fucking hand-tossed
pizza from jets jets here not sponsored not sponsored but guess what jets we
could be yeah just shirt come on jetsets, if you give us a deal
where we can tell our listeners,
if you can prove that you've listened
to 100 episodes of RTP,
you'll give you a free personal pan pizza at Jets.
Okay, I'm sorry, I've been on the hunt
for this fucking pizza since I moved here,
and us finding it was like an insane
Revolatory yeah, and I only remembered it because we got one pepperoni pan pizza
And we just ordered the other hand-tossed one is like a let's just get a second pizza
And it was a Italian and green bell pepper. Oh
My mom yeah, it was so good mark my wrong mark my wrong. What the fuck alright, so
Anyway, you know, I can't believe we didn't mention that.
We did find that pizza and it was like one of the best days.
So yeah, I completely, if they show, if a friend shows up with a frozen pizza,
regardless of quality of the frozen pizza, it, I'm not, I'm not a block
instantly, but I'm a really, I, I would say something.
If it was a good enough friend, it'd be like, oh, the fuck, man.
I would not.
Red bear?
Red bear.
Because like, you, huh, because again,
there are some frozen pizzas that are pretty good.
But again, like pizza and movie night, it is a pickup.
I gotta bake it now.
I know.
Now we're at least 22 minutes away from a pizza.
When I heard you knock on my door,
my mouth was ready to eat pizza before you sat down.
Yes.
I was going to grab a slice before our butts hit the couch.
Yeah, I was going to let you through the door.
And one arm open the box and bite, and then like, no plate.
I was going to open the door, crack, reach my hand out,
grab a slice of pizza, come in,
and then you would hear an intricate series of un... Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh- police.
Winslow.
Oh my God. All right.
Let me.
I think that what I'm hearing is that there is
the foremost thing that is making everyone upset is the fact that you were ready to eat the pizza.
That's it. But it was not ready when it showed.
Yeah, it's not like a it's not like a oh, how dare you? Like that's just like a six dollar the pizza. That's it. But it was not ready when it showed. Yeah, it's not like a, oh, how dare you,
that's just like a $6 frozen pizza.
It's the, you couldn't cook it before you came over.
Oh, it's the culinary equivalent of like,
hey, you were absent from school,
I brought your homework to the teacher.
Go fuck yourself, how dare you.
Question that.
Somebody, you invite over to a pizza and movie night and they at home
Oven their own oven pizza slice it up put it in like a Tupperware container of some sort and bring it to your house
Is Sammy do this to you? No, I have no
Happened to me or if I did this to somebody it's very specific a truly hypothetical question that I okay
They bake their own if they bake their own at-home frozen pizza put it in Tupperware and bring it over
That is going to require a wellness check. I am like
I am like saying, have your meds been filled? Have?
Your problem was that the pizza wasn't ready
when they showed up.
I have solved that problem.
You've solved that problem.
And made another one.
But you've introduced a whole other problem,
which is that your friend is a psychopath.
Because, like, again.
Why?
Why are you really a psychopath?
To be like, well, first of all, I put it to you that psychopath to be like well first of all
I put it to you that like frozen pizza like bacon on pizza is
Only good in the time from the oven when it's done to the plate to the couch
Like french fries cannot survive a car ride you frozen pizza cannot survive a car right
It's barely being chewed. I try it needs to be eaten so immediately after it's cooked I have a 90% of mouth burns come from frozen pizza being eaten
too quickly because you have to eat it that temperature cuz the second it
cools down that cheese that's on it turns to plastic yeah absolutely you need
to eat that shit and almost immediately and it's not surviving a car I think
it's intentional so that the first bite burns off
your taste buds and you can't taste how bad it is.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Absolutely, no questions.
So, so then...
So then...
So then making it out.
So like this, so like this hypothetical friend,
I don't know, Bardondo, what if he...
What if he, what if he, what if he, what if he, what if he,
yeah, what if he, okay.
This person, I don't know.
Let's call him, what if, this hypothetical person,
let's call him Armando Torres.
Hey Torres, Armando T.
Had an addition to their 2018 Honda Civic
that allowed them to have an oven in the trunk.
And I baked the oven pizza in the trunk
and brought it immediately to your door.
If it's summertime in Texas, you don't need to have that
in the show.
Sure.
That would happen naturally.
That's word pizza, yeah.
I'm sure here's here's the question behind the question.
Yes, yeah.
Is I feel like there is something completely unhinged about bringing
an oven pizza whenever somebody is expecting like a pizza from a restaurant
or something. Yes.
Because like, I feel like if I invited you over for pizza and movies, and you made from
scratch a pizza in your own oven, cut it up and brought it even in like, not Tupperware
and a pizza and appropriate thing, it would still be fucking weird.
Correct. What if you go to their house and they make it? That's different. on a pizza and appropriate thing. It would still be fucking weird.
Correct.
What if you go to their house and they make it?
That's different.
But it's also-
Because I've done that and that's fucking sick.
But now we're still running into the same issue
of the thing of like, I was ready to eat now.
Correct.
And now I don't have-
Okay, yeah, that is upsetting.
So there is a weird middle ground
that pizza you can get from a pizza delivery place serves
in that it is ready now,
you didn't make it yourself
or have to go buy, like get the ingredients
or buy it or something.
Like I'm trying to figure out the pizza molecules
are basically the fucking same.
And I'm trying to find out what the difference is
between the split.
Because if I'm making it at home.
Where is the phase change?
Yes.
Where is the phase change?
That's because it's undeniably fucking weird.
The phase change is the fire that's licking the edge of the crust
and versus your oven in the place that you rent that you've never cleaned,
the last thing that never cleaned, and honestly was probably never wiped down from the chemicals and factory it was made from.
I'll tell you also where the phase changes.
It comes in, because it's a different place.
The phase changes in a different place
in both of these scenarios.
And the one where they bring over the pizza,
it's because work now has to be done.
And the thing is not ready right now,
which is like 90% of the appeal of pizza.
I'm so hungry.
I'm so hungry.
And it's 90% of the appeal of pizza
is that it's literally little
Sears has a name for it. How ready it's ready to go put the movie on universal logo. I want to see it now
The other baby says love steam and right now. Oh
Take the shot
I'm jumping in front so I die too. Not to save you, but just to die.
So the phase change that happens with the other one where I'm making a pizza at home
and bringing it over to your place is the like, so I think that like that phase change
happens on the like social level where like this is in some weird violation of like the social contract because it completely like
Cuz not only that like it's like oh, yeah, I'll get pizza that means you also have to do the work there at your place
So I'm not leaving for I'm not at least I'm at least not leaving my place for 20 25 minutes
Yeah, sure I either thought if you're making a beats it takes even longer than that
Because you got to prove the dough and all that stuff and like let it rest all that shit. So like
Again, it is I think it happens in different places, but the delineation is that like work is required
Sure, I don't know
I think it's very strange because like you said you brought up the thing about the ovens and I have two counterpoints for that.
One, you're fucking crazy if you think Domino's
is cleaning their fucking brick of shit.
Well, no, that one you leave dirty.
Yeah, it's supposed to be dirty.
Your oven's not.
It tastes good because it's dirty.
Yeah.
No, I know, I know, I know.
But what I'm saying is that like, it's still weird.
If my friend had a pizza oven outside,
a brick pizza oven at their house
First of all why you coming to my shit ass apartment?
Still the point still stands of like if I invited that person over for pizza and movies and they brought their own
Homemade pizza. It's still weird and I don't know why okay? I'm about to throw another wrench. I'm gonna throw about another wrinkle into this.
Sure, yeah.
You invite Anton Brown over to your place for a movie
and pizza and he goes, absolutely, I know,
I'll be right there.
He makes a pizza at his place from scratch
and brings it over.
I know you're gonna think I'm being a contrarian.
I'm giving you my completely 100% honest reaction.
Yeah.
In this scenario, I'm mad because I'm like,
okay, fuck you, dude.
You show off piece of shit.
You fucking showboating dickhead.
Fuck you. Yeah.
Like, I'm mad for a different reason.
Like, it flipped so far the other way show of like the work that they did
What if it's in a box? Yeah, is that okay?
I think it's the box if I like if I if you had like a like central casting like Italian guy
Well on the on the thing right right. Yeah, and it was like oh would you get it?
You're like, oh new place opened up near me and look the camera with that wink
It's not delivery. It's to Giorno right? new place opened up near me and looked the camera. Would that be? The wink? With that?
It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno right underneath you.
It's deception.
Would that be okay?
It's not delivery, it's a mental health crisis.
Would essentially like pill pocketing it work for you?
So you're saying that in my, from my experience.
Your friend did this with a box.
Yeah.
When they brought it to you.
And Michael Winslow's they had.
And I'm just like, dude shut the fuck up.
I know what the box sounds like.
I just flipped it.
How about you pay your fucking rent.
God damn it.
And he goes.
Anyway, yeah, if my experience is you show up How about you pay your fucking rent? God damn it. And he goes, whew.
Anyway, yeah, if my experience is you show up with the box
and it has pizza in it and I don't know that you made it,
I'm fine.
So it is the box.
The difference between anything, any of these situations
in pizza, it's not the pizza.
It's not the effort.
It's not anything else that's been done. It's the fucking box. It's not the effort. It's not anything else. It's been done. It's the fucking box
I feel like if I got one of those like $60 deep dish pizzas from via 313
But then I got rid of the box and I put it in a Ziploc bag. You want to kill me? Yeah, I would be so upset with you
I'm out of the scenario
Ready to fucking.
I think what we're trying to say here
is that pizza, just like all three of our love lives,
it's all about the box, baby.
All right.
All right.
All right.
That was fucking stupid.
We'll look over.
There's a cloud where Griffin is to be.
He's gone.
You're fucking.
All right.
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
We have another segment left.
We're gonna do some Always On, of course.
But if you want to weigh in here on this argument, this thing that I came up with in my sick,
addled braid that I have just been releasing on people...
A real Nyquil question.
The best part about this hypothetical is that I keep asking people and they go, why?
Why are you asking me?
Is this something that happened to you?
Or is this something that somebody did to you?
Because you guys aren't even the first person to ask me that.
You're like the third person that's gone.
Why are you asking me?
Does this happen to you or did you do this to someone?
And you know it's one of the other.
There's no third option.
If you want to weigh in on if you think it's the box
or if you think it's something different, please do.
Leave us a comment and help us out.
And again, you can go to drtpodcast.com slash first.
I need the money.
I need to buy more pizzas so that I can try this experiment
on people and we can come with an answer.
I feel like this is something that we should film.
We should.
And you know what we're going to do?
We're going to buy boxes. Yes. Oh, yeah. we're going to do? We're going to buy boxes.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
We're going to get some of them.
I was already on AliExpress looking for boxes.
Fuck yes.
And guess what?
We can get 5,000 pizza boxes for 86 cents.
It doesn't make sense.
We're going to have to try this on every single member of FaceJet.
100%.
Like we're going to have to split them up, separate them so we can test it on them, isolate it.
It'll be the RTP.
What's up?
We'll put a poll on Spotify.
We'll put a poll on Spotify.
So if you're listening on Spotify, go there.
All right.
So we're going to head into Always On.
It's my favorite segment of the show.
And yeah, we'll see you there.
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You piece of shit.
Hey everybody, I don't know if you've been paying attention, but the news is terrible. So we've
taken some headlines and turned them into punch lines. It's time for Always On.
We are doing our world famous circle joke, which is where we have Griff sit in the middle
as Andrew and I joke off around her.
I think I'm going to kick us off this week.
Do it, baby.
All right.
Over one million Germans gathered to rally against the rising far-right political party.
And if you're confused as to why that's important,
it's because they've actually had
a rising far-right party before,
and it's the reason why one million Germans gathering
is so fucking terrifying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The world collectively gulp?
Yeah.
When I love so much about that joke
is I said one million Germans gathered
and Andrew went, ooh.
Just instantly butthole pucker.
Yeah.
We all got tight.
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh my God.
All right, folks.
A California woman was arrested for stealing $2,500
in Stanley Cups
Police caught her in a cup sting operation also known as a thirst trap
Wait, but I'm sorry. I'm being told that when she was arrested she had to take a mug shot. I'm sick of it
Fuck you. I'm retiring the segment. Yeah
God dammit. Yeah, can I tell you that I saw that exact same news story, but I didn't know what a Stanley Cup was except for the hockey
trophy. And so I was like, she this lady stole the fucking Stanley Cup.
I think you can do that.
Honestly, respect it's you.
Yeah, you get to keep it.
Yeah. Also, that Stanley Cup only cost twenty five hundred.
Damn. It's.
A cholera of this one's really bad.
A cholera of pastor is being accused of pocketing $1.3
million in a crypto scheme claiming that, quote,
the Lord told us to.
And honestly, what do you expect from a man who literally
worships a non-fungible thing?
Shut up.
You can't.
God's on the blockchain, baby.
Christ is just a fucking Ponzi scheme.
I mean, that's the best possible way
that Colorado pastor sends.
What if I do?
So I'll take it.
Oh, no, my apes.
I mean, I'm sorry.
Oh, no, my savior.
Oh, another pastor story.
A pastor in Ohio faces criminal charges
for opening his church to
the homeless for a place to get warm.
City officials who would charge the pastor are also going someplace warm.
It's hell.
Yeah.
And the pastor hardly knew her.
All right.
Famous foreigner Arnold Schwarzenegger was stopped at customs in Munich over an undeclared watch.
And if you're wondering why that's important,
it's because the last time in Austria
and got mad at the German government,
it made a million Germans rally.
Ha, ha, ha.
Woo!
Ah, real thematic always on today, I love that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Folks, an investigation has revealed Whoo, ah Thematic always on today. I love it. Yeah
Folks an investigation has revealed that far right figures are creating a white Christian nationalist Haven in Kentucky
Authorities are calling this Haven Kentucky
Man, yeah, we were really in tune with each other. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely Interesting griff. Do you have a winner?
Gorbetroth cut a hole in that wall. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I wish this was empty.
Blow out these back walls.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
The jokes weren't horny.
Why did you guys go that way?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Folks, we will be doing a special always on,
I think, on the next episode of RTP is there, right?
Yeah, we will be doing a special segment
called Everyone's On, where we have opened up
the floodgates, so to speak.
We have allowed everyone who works
as a Rooster Teeth employee to submit jokes
that we will be reading absolutely blind.
We won't know what we're reading.
We won't have anything. We'll just have it on the fucking teleprompter.
And we will be reading it cold for you next week.
So I cannot wait for that and I cannot wait for next week's episode.
It's gonna be so much fun.
But thanks for sticking around for this week and we will see you then.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thanks for joining us. I'm Armando Torres.
I'm Andrew Ros then. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thanks for joining us. I'm Armando Torres. I'm Andrew Rosas.
Nope.
And we've been the Rooster Teeth Podcast.
Bye bye.
Bye.