Rooster Teeth Podcast - Come* and Take It - #795
Episode Date: April 1, 2024Armando, Andrew, and Griff aren't done yet! The news is hot between P-Diddy, Bridge Collapses, and Porn Bans. Come and Take it Texas! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...
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That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. This is a This is a
This is a
This is a mis-a-tief production.
This is a mis-a-tief production.
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This is a mis-a-tief production. This is a mis-a-tief production. Welcome to the only podcast planning on setting our mascot on fire.
It's the RTU Podcast.
Oh, the rumor milled Doth-Turn.
I am your treacherous leader of evil plans, Armando Torres, and joining me as always is
the Minister of Machinations,inations Andrew Rosas with bringing hands
And of course I've decided to become a white woman to save the podcast
Clearly this is what we've been missing the whole time. It is true. I see for audio listeners
For audio listeners
Kayla's in white face. Um, it's very disturbing.
No, it's a mask.
It's a mask.
It's a mask.
It's, you're in white mask.
Is that better or worse?
Somebody stop you.
I don't know.
What is the mask of?
I don't know.
Does anyone know?
I found it in the hallway.
So...
And it just said sample.
Oh, I don't like that at all.
Don't be picking up random masks.
That's how you start, that's how you become the king of the rumba beat yeah that's how
you get face lice and he become Cuban beep I don't know if this is like
weirdly racist towards Asian people or more of a color I wish it wasn't uh-huh
and also pink pink I think I think it's a drag it's a drag I think it's a drag me that's think it's a drag queen. That's what I was gonna say.
It's either racist towards Asian people or proud of drag people.
Or racist towards drag queens. Really? Yeah.
Well, I thought they loved racin' those drag queens. Oh my god!
We're back, baby! We're so back!
Oh, my producer's telling me we're gone? We're gone in two weeks. Okay, great.
But our cameraman with an earring loved it
Yes, sir, so in case you're wondering what we were talking about what's up memories of a sleisha
Fuck
Jesus Christ. Oh.
Oh.
Sorry. That stopped my heart
for a second. Alright, well that's the podcast.
We're not going to top that. That's it. Good night
everybody. Good night.
In case you're wondering what the
beginning of the podcast
was, we are currently
in the writing phase and
pre-production phase of one last
cool project that the three of us are working on
At Rooster Teeth
Be very specific about that
No, the last project I'm working on
After this one, dead
After this, startin' a car in a closed garage
No, I'm preferential to
to Griff's plan of maxing out my credit cards in Italy and pill sandwich
shake in Milan.
In Milan.
On like a balcony in a linen shirt.
There's no better way to dive in a linen shirt.
Truly.
In case you're wondering what we were talking about at the beginning, we're working on our
last project here at Rooster Teeth. And we've been pretty secretive over what it is,
other than the fact that one of the major plot points
is our beloved mascot, Artie.
Universally loved and renowned and favored by everyone.
Yeah, giant puppet Muppet Baby Artie dies in the project that we're working on.
Yeah.
And that is what we told a couple of people and sent out there into the company
so that we could get people on board for the production side of things.
Yeah.
Why it's camera action.
And then some rumors got started based off of that.
A little bit of telephone.
A little game of like purple monkey dishwasher, telephone ass.
So it evolved from Artie dies,
which you don't even see in production.
It has already occurred.
It has already occurred.
Artie occurred.
And that turned into us getting an email
from the head of marketing going,
the sketch cannot move forward.
Because he had heard that we were planning on burning Arty.
Like lighting the costume that we have on fire actually.
Yeah. Like burning an effigy.
Yeah. Which we never said we were gonna do.
We never said we were gonna do. And we would never do.
Here's the reason I can't get that mad at this happening is it does sound like something we would it does sound like something we have pitched
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I again it's like I I can't be I can't be a hundred percent mad because that that is on brand
Yeah, our antics if someone told me that we told them that we were gonna do that
I would believe them right and that's on us being three little boys who cry wolf. Yeah now we did we do plan on setting Gavin on fire though
Oh, I got to prove though cuz he said as long as we film it in slow motion
Yeah, yeah, as long as we use that camera
Watch this man burn at 7,000 frames a second
Seven thousand frames a second. Oh boy.
And when you're on fire, it feels like that.
Every second does feel like an eternity.
Yeah, except for that 30 second ad break that happens in the middle of my death.
Shady Raves!
They don't want to know that they fucked up because you burned yourself alive.
If your sunglasses melt to your face while you're engulfed in flames,
and you survive, never place them. They don't give a shit. They don't care.
I'm gonna miss doing Shady Rays ads.
Just in the hospital, covered in mumified in bandages with Shady Ray
Over
Beep
You just one thumb up through the cast
No no no no no no
Beeeeeep
And then they flip the shades down.
The shades down.
Oh man. They're not even sponsoring this episode.
No! We just like them.
We just love them.
We just love Shady Rays.
Oh my god. You were telling me, Griff, about something that happened to you this morning.
I don't know if you wanted to share it with all the people.
What was it?
You just made a certain discovery.
Oh, yeah.
Did you guys know that we can't look at porn anymore in Texas?
Has anyone tried to jerk off in the past two weeks?
No.
Well, here's the thing.
Cause I tried.
Everyone else here is just informed on the news and knew this was happening
and has happened for some time.
The rest of us have used social media to know that this was a thing happening.
I'm not on Twitter, it makes you too sad.
I know, and that's why you came in this morning grumpy,
and I went, what's wrong?
And you went, did you really blocked all the porn sites?
Which tells me a lot about your morning.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know, I had to have sex with my stupid girlfriend.
Hey, Griff, I was looking a little blue there.
What's happening?
Did you guys hear about the porn sites?
Yeah.
Why did they do that?
They did that so that they could verify age, right?
To wage some bullshit culture war.
No one's interested.
8% of the population is interested,
and the rest are going to be like, the rest
are going to have a rude awakening when they log on to inter-site here.
And it's affiliates.
Yeah.
Because I found out it's mostly the affiliates.
There is a lot of those.
Yeah, I found that if you go to a good Christian, they're definitely already married having
a relationship.
Consensual.
Consensual relationship.
For procreation. Within theual relationship. For procreation.
Within the bonds of marriage for procreation.
Actually, they cared about the procreation
and the married part, but weirdly,
they didn't care about the consensual part at all.
Oh, that's, yeah.
And the electrics.
Yeah.
Yeah, but if you go there, that still works.
Yeah.
It's a lot of hand holding, which is my king.
But, yeah.
I like a different kind of hand job.
It's holding.
That's the job.
It's, uh, it's weird that you can just do that, apparently.
Yeah.
Yeah, and not have anyone vote on it.
You can just say, I don't think anyone should jerk off anymore.
And then the Supreme Court says, yeah, okay.
Well, I hate the idea that this is what they, that they think people are going to stop jerking it.
Because I don't know if any of you
have been middle school aged boys before,
but I'll jerk off to a pair of titties that I drew myself.
I have the ability to close my-
Do you still have that ability though?
Yes, well no, it's been jaded by years of pornography,
but I can get back to it.
Yeah, you can work back up to it,
it's like resistance training.
I mean when I was 14, I couldn't walk through the produce
section without getting sprung yeah just like cantaloupe god fuck
melon oh god basically two round things kind of near each other when you're 14
is it's over it's so over. Yeah. That's crazy.
Yeah, I had no idea.
Apparently it's been like two weeks now.
Yeah.
So I'll let you know what I do with my time.
Yeah, fuck.
You haven't been jerking it in two weeks?
I found out immediately.
I found out that it had passed and then I went to make sure
and then I got horny looking at the Pornhub logo.
Looking at the thing that said you can't access
this website and you were just like, access. And I the thing that said you can't access this website,
and you were just like, access.
And I was like, mmm.
I was like, mmm, tell me what else I can't do.
My stepmom called me from stuck in a dryer, and I knew.
Yeah, so apparently everyone's just using VPNs or whatever.
Do you think this is going to lead to a lot of people voting for the first time?
Yeah, coding for the first time and using VPNs.
I said voting.
Oh, voting.
I'm going to learn coding.
Man.
Those head crews can still lose.
Here's the thing.
I think that a few people are going to get tech savvy and learn how to use VPNs.
I think a lot of people are going to tech savvy and learn how to use VPNs I think a lot of people are gonna be mad when they go to the ballot box
But how many people do you think are gonna just start getting into really weird specific hobbies? Here's the thing none
Because the people who are gonna be okay. Here's the thing
I feel like the people that they want affected by it know how to use a VPN
Yeah, and the people who vote for them are less likely than know how to use a VPN Yeah and the people who vote for them are less likely
than know how to use a VPN yeah I feel like it's gonna cause frustrations
amongst that and then they're gonna have to just get rid of it and back it back
or something I don't even get the point of trying to get rid of it I guess it's
the belief that it's immoral to watch pornography no they're saying like if a
kid wants to buy a porno DVD they have to be 18 and show an ID
So how is that different from us collecting a picture of your ID your IP address?
And then all of the stuff you jerk off to and having that all compiled together and a thing that definitely can be hacked and also
used as blackmail maybe
Because this one thing if I go and buy by a fucking if I go to the adult
Because there's one thing if I go and buy a fucking if I go to the adult megaplex on 35 and buy a porn tape And show some dude vaping in the fucking store my ID
But having to upload a picture of it to a database that is now just belongs to the Republican Party of Texas
You can buy a magazine from a pony out of a vape cloud
I love this idea that you guys are putting forth that buying pornography in Texas is like buying a gun
in the rest of America.
Yeah, you have to show ID, they do a background check,
and if it's not the way that they want it to be,
you don't get to do it.
In Texas, all you have to be able to do is fog a mirror.
That's all you have to be able to do to get a gun.
It's easier to get seven guns than seven dildos.
One of those is illegal in Texas,
and the other one isn't. I got a a lot of magazines not the ones you'd hope
Buns and ammo
Yeah, did I look at check this out. I just got open carry
That's called the big iron on my hip
It's one of those things where it's like one of the things I guess we can talk politics
is last three episodes.
I don't get though, because I'm just like jerking off is the only thing keeping Gen Z
from mobilizing.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Yeah, hold on.
I mean, there were.
OK, so one of the things that the other Republican Party is worried about right now is that Gen Z skews more liberal.
Just they just do. Yeah.
So they're trying to get rid of TikTok because it's showing them too much
genocide in real time.
And they're banning the pornography because it's making the kids gay.
It's not about the porn.
It's about the way it's worded is access to any adult material.
So that's adult material as defined by whoever is in charge.
So that could be like, I don don't know porn or like anything about
LGBTQ history or being trans and getting hormones or anything else that that dude in the wheelchair thinks is yucky
So it's all being regulated and that's FDR
What the fuck well now you've just taken away the two things that's keeping them distracted from what's going on.
So now they're just gonna go vote more.
Yeah.
Because they think it works.
Well, I've also learned-
You've activated a base.
And a shaft.
And a tip.
But once you get rid of pornography,
the balls become active.
And that's when you have problems.
Yeah, but like, I don't get that.
I don't get the IVF ban.
The IVF ban?
Yeah, they want people like, okay.
In vitro fertilization?
Yeah, in Alabama it's like illegal now or some shit.
What?
And that again, again, it makes sense
cause it's like, I guess they don't want gay people
making babies on their own, but also like,
you also, it's, they don't want IVF.
They don't want birth control.
They don't want abortion.
They don't want free childcare. Hold on
So what are we supposed to do? I'm sorry the people who believe
That their savior was a baby born without having sex want to ban IVF. Yes. That's I mean
If you're gonna call John Oliver, I've got a hell of a joke for you
And before that they were like also just so you know an embryo made with IVF is a living child
Like I mean I wish I could buy stock in cognitive dissonance because I'd be a billionaire
I'd have enough money to run for public office or support to completely
Nothing makes sense and all of this coming from the party of small government
Yeah, the the party coming from government not being able to tell us what to do. Yeah. I hate talking politics because I don't
know enough about it to to to be smart. But I dumb it down. Yeah and you make it very fun
and then also very scary because I'm learning. Well it is scary. Yeah it's terrifying that I can't jerk it.
This year sucks. Yeah it fucking sucks and I can't even get the sucks that I
like to get. No, not in Texas.
That fucking blows and not even the type of blows.
Yeah, we can only get the blows we don't like in Texas.
I have to give credit to producer Tyler for giving me this joke,
but I'm going to fucking I'm holding up in my apartment
with all the pornography I can have and I'm calling it Alamo 2.0
and I'm waving a flag with a dildo as the pole and it says come and take it and come and spell the U. Guys, it's right, perfect, perfect. I love it.
Maybe this is the chance for some little porn dot com upstart to really just stick it to text.
Well, there's a few of them that are still active
Yeah, they are they we're not gonna say them because I'm they're listening
Yeah, cuz they're cuz fucking Greg Abbott right now is taking notes
Going it's got an ear with ear to a cup against a wall
I kind of want to just like touch start typing in websites that have X's in them just to see like what?
Accidentally has been locked.
Do you think there's ever been a website that starts with an X that isn't a porn website?
Like if your name-
Where do you think I bought my last xylophone, guys?
If you go to xylophone.com right now, I bet you can see a butt.
It's porn. I bet there's a butt.
I bet it's an ass. Yeah.
xylophone.com
X.com?
Oh, right.
That's, have you been to Twitter?
There's so much porn on Twitter.
What are you talking about?
It's mostly pornography.
Yeah, what's funny is-
Pussy and bio.
The desktop version of x.com does not work.
You can't-
What?
You cannot go, type x.com into your search, like into-
And it doesn't do anything? You cannot log in there. It's completely search in like into it doesn't do anything you cannot log in there
It's completely fucking broken does he even actually know
Xylophone calm is for sale what you get it how much buy it now buy it now 69
Thousand nice thousand no, but probably can we expense it
How many more things can we expense?
Yeah Can we expense it? How many more things can we expense? Yeah, it's still goes to twitter.com.
Yeah.
Oh, that's boring.
It's just a redirect site.
Yeah, immediately.
Boom.
Immediately.
That's funny.
Any website that starts with an X in the domain that is listed to a
current domain, because the thing is if you go to xylophone.com, it
says this domain might be for sale,
and then a YouTube video about Coca-Cola.
So like, any website with an actual tied website,
I believe is pornography.
And if you think I'm wrong, comment down below
with your proof.
With your proof.
Ha ha ha.
Stop staying on me when I'm perfect. Ha ha ha. We'll cut around that me there's no rules anymore
yeah no no no no no no no no no masters were just were awfully
producer Tyler by the way brought up a great point right now which is that
because we only have a few more weeks of this podcast left
mmm technically we have a budget of I I think it's like $100 a week that we
used to, by the way, when we first took this show over, that we used to blow way the fuck
over. Remember that when we were renting guns every week and like fucking-
Yeah, can we get a gun?
Can we get a gun? Like a real one this time?
Can we buy a gun this time?
You can get like a Browning shotgun for like $120.
Yeah.
Well, what can't I get a white one?
What I'm saying here is that we've got $100 an episode that we haven't spent.
We've got like $300 bucks.
Yeah, in the last several weeks.
We could do a pizza party or we could buy a gun.
No, I don't want to do something that's good for everyone else.
No, that's what I'm saying.
I want to buy a gun.
Well, okay, aside from a gun, what is the wildest thing that we could buy an expense to the company?
Cuz there's like xylophone.com
Pretty good
What can we do with a hundred a hundred bucks only have a hundred bucks
100 bucks a week, but we haven't used a hundred. It's 300
Well, well how much is there how much is there cuz we haven't spent any of it
And we took like two weeks off and we took like two weeks off. Oh my god
I don't know what the craziest thing is that we could buy. I feel like
We never got those suits. We want to get those charo suits
We should get the charo suits. But $300 buys one. We can all share it.
Get your size.
Yeah.
And then we can just wear it.
It'll be huge on me and really huge on you.
Yeah.
And then a little small on me.
And then let's face it, a little small on me.
How much do you think a Quiznos franchise is?
Probably like $500, right?
When is the last time you saw a physical Quiznos?
They're out of Texas.
They're gone.
Can we buy scratch off tickets? No, BFT already did that. So? Where's the last time you saw a physical quiz nose? They're out of Texas. They're gone
No, BFT already did that
My one of my favorite retorts who cares they already did it
I'm not in it We also okay. Here's the thing. I'm not mad about it because it sounds like when I say this it sounds like I'm mad about it
Do you remember when we did that beforehand? Yeah before BFT? I think even work
We did it for cold and we won five dollars. That's right. God. We should about way more fucking tickets
I I think I think we use that 300 and we don't buy scratchers
We buy fucking actual like you can win actual money how much is a plane ticket to
Vegas okay I can tell you it's a hundred and sixty four dollars I bought one this
morning there we go there okay so we buy three one way to Vegas and we have to
win our way back yeah didn't we pitch that? We did pitch that. That was the poker game!
Wait, Tyler, can we go to Vegas?
We can't technically leave the studio.
Yeah, we're not allowed.
We have stuff brought here.
We could have stuff brought here.
Anyway, we'll figure out what to do with this money when we have it.
And speaking of you and your shit and stuff you were up to, you went to PAX.
I did, I went to PAX East this weekend. How was it? It was lit. I'm actually I've no okay first off
I landed and it was 19 degrees. Mm-hmm
Yeah, and then the next day it was 30 felt like 19 and then the next day it was 30 and raining and then the day
After that it was 30 felt like 19 and then when I left it was a warm and balmy 42 degrees. Oh
Mmm, no one should live in Boston. It was horrifying
I hit you up and told you that I was jealous because I love personally I love the cold actually I do too
Yeah, the cold is my favorite place to be. I mean it was it's it was nice enough when prepared
I think if I had gloves I would have had a better time. Oh gloves are necessary
That's something I learned when I went to Minnesota is
because I thought that like okay. But I also like slipped in frozen piss so like
well that's just part of it. Yeah that's when you got off the plane. Yeah that's
their welcome wagon. Yeah that's what they have instead of frozen lemonade.
Yeah you gotta learn you first of all you got to wear better shoes or you got to wear worse shoes like me
Cortez shoes which have absolutely no grip on them might have two bars of soap on your feet
Yeah, fucking Crip walk on the
Because like like if you're wearing Cortez's you do a lot of running away from the police yeah
Yeah, but they have absolutely no grip, but that makes them really good for sliding up and down
You get away like Sonic at the beginning of Sonic Adventure 2 Battle City Escape
Yeah, well, yeah, because when I put on my Cortez shoes, my legs can go full circle
And all of a sudden bongos come out
Boogity boogity boogity boogity
Pew!
Yeah, exactly
Um, but yeah, I saw a bunch of indie devs
So a lot of cool games are coming out this year
I think I might get into streaming Yeah? Yeah, because we lit. I saw a bunch of indie devs. So a lot of cool games are coming out this year Oh, I think I might getting in the streaming. Yeah. Yeah, cuz we don't jobs anymore
So I was like, what do unemployed people do? Well, we still have some jobs. I
Saw blazes streaming right now. Yeah for reference. It's uh, like 11 a.m. On a Tuesday. Yeah, isn't that weird?
No, well, he'd usually be doing that for inside gaming. Yeah, but fair enough. They don't do that anymore fair enough. I guess
Yeah, I guess they just don't care as much as we do yeah, no we're the only ones who want to work anymore
Gen Z millennia see Gen Z. He's like the oldest. He's like a geriatric Gen Z. Yeah
That's what I am too. Yeah, you're both geriatric. I'm a geriatric millennial. You're just old you fucking Gen X piece of shit
I'm not Gen X. Yeah, whatever you like it. No, I don't have I don't have the I would say that this thing
That separates me from Gen X is that I don't have the like a little mobility the eluft
One the upward mobility
I don't the thing that separates me from Gen X is that most Gen X people?
Have a house I do not okay, but but they act like they came up through the hardest shit of all time
But you're also an artist this is true. You're a real Gen X you'll have sold out by now. He's a millennial
That's right. That's right if I exactly if I was Gen X. I would have sold out already
I don't know my parents are I think Gen X and And they don't already. I don't know. My parents are, I think, Gen X.
And they don't, neither of them own a house.
Well.
Well, they're maybe Gen Xers.
Also, you're like four years younger than my dad.
That's fucked up.
Maybe three.
Wait, younger?
Yeah, he's three years younger than my dad.
Isn't that fucked up?
Younger? You're dead fucked up.
What do you mean he fucked up?
Your dad blew it!
What do you mean you're not supposed to have a child at 15?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, that's right.
There's just something about, there's something, obviously teen pregnancy is so bad because you hit Amanda.
What?
No!
I said, here's the thing.
Rack him.
No, no, no.
Here's my argument.
Here's the thing.
Teen pregnancy as a concept is bad but also very funny because here's the thing.
A 15 year old who just has to be like, this is my son.
It's like, that's not your son.
You're the son.
What are you talking about?
Just a child with a child.
Like that's like, that's like,
that's like when you get a dog and you like,
like two years.
And you're a dog yourself.
No, no, it's like when you get a dog.
Dogs having dogs.
And then like when that dog is like two,
you get like a puppy,
but it's just like a, like a big dog.
And you have like a really tiny dog.
And it's just like, no, it'll be fine.
Cause like this dog will teach that dog how to behave. They're both dogs. Yeah
Second dog's always shit. Yeah, I got my dog a dog and they just are both. They're both bad. Yeah
So Mondo what I'm saying is no I'm getting your dog a dog. That's gonna like you're getting your dog a crab
Crab I think you're both wrong. Here's my argument.
It's so funny, you took your baby to your driving test?
You didn't take a driver's test?
I'm understanding how Teen Mom got pitched now.
Yeah, cause it's awesome.
Cause it's so cool to have a dad that understands you
because he was there five years ago.
It's cool to have a dad in the world's thinnest basketball shorts playing 2k
Your dad called you slurs on Xbox Live
He did!
I feel like I've told this joke on this podcast before but my father because he was so young it was a lot like having
An older brother because like he was not a great father, but he was a fantastic Madden player sure yeah
Yeah, yeah, and I- okay here's my argument for
why I think teen pregnancy is the best time to have a child. Jesus Christ. What are they
gonna do? Arrest me? In Texas? No. Fair enough. And I gotta be clear, I'm talking about teens
having babies with other teens. Sure, preferably. Only?
Anything else?
Arrest?
Arrest?
Well, we're in Texas.
I hate this fucking place.
You want to see it on the list?
You want to see it in our government?
That's what you got to do.
I don't know what to tell you.
So here's my argument.
I have a friend, stand-up comedian Andrew Tarr.
Andrew Tarr is.
You looked at me and then like, Andrew Tarr. Andrew Tarr is... You looked at me and then like, Andrew Tarr.
Andrew Natsis. Yeah. So sorry. I have a friend, Andrew Tarr, who's a comedian. He is I think
like 35 and I just found out his parents are in their 70s which means that they had him when they were
like late 30s early 40s okay and Andrew Tarr is by his own admission the reason
I mentioned he's a stand-up comic is because the things that I'm about to say
are his jokes. Andrew Tarr is fucked up he's tiny he got a brain that worked bad
and he's all like goofy. He's just
like, he describes himself as like he's wrong. We were having a conversation the other day,
and I told him that my parents were like 15, 16 when they had me. He was like, oh, now
this makes so much more sense. You're big and strong because you were that newcomer
You were the first
Yeah yeah yeah
Mondo you were the sixth egg to drop
Yeah
Like
Yeah 100%
You were the sperm like right on Normandy Beach that didn't get gunned down by a German
IUD
No he's the one on the boat that showed up after everyone else died
Yeah right after they were reloading
They were reloading the fucking 50 cows. Yeah so we're getting real
close to eugenics I think. Don't we always? I mean when in Texas. No no
IVF. Yeah fair enough. I think it's the best time to have a kid.
Plus you get to be there for your whole life.
Yeah, it's interesting.
My parents had me when they were in their mid-20s.
And I think about that, and I'm like, that's insane to me.
That is insane.
So my parents had me when they were 27.
Like, take a decade off that, and that's when your parents had, like that's, I would not
trust 15 year old me to wax my car.
Like, much less have a living, breathing child.
I don't want one now.
I don't think I could do it now.
I want to be an old dad. I think I've decided. I'm like, I could do it now. I want to be an old dad
I think I've decided I'm like you're gonna be a stepdad so it's fine. Wow I
Don't know I kind of I'm kind of feeling it in this and these these ripe old aged years
I think because you know that you're towards the end. Yeah, that's your flight activating. I don't want kids
You don't want kids you want to live forever
The legacy yeah the legacy factors kicking in perhaps because like I've seen
your
Cool stuff in your apartment, and I couldn't have a kid you don't get to have that
But see that's why I that's why I'm going to have a basement at some point because I'm going to keep the kid in
That's right. No, I'm to have my cool stuff in the basement that no that no one touches yeah I hate that you give
yourself the basement like give yourself a cool room at least oh it's fucking
rock a wood panel basement oh awesome fucking a murderer no the fucking wood
panel basement rules I guess but it's weird I don't know I don't trust anyone who's
like you know where I want to spend all my time underground this sounds like
some this sounds like some fucking Los Angeles
yeah we can't have basement here because the grounds always shifted yeah but it's fine
what do you mean there's cellars I don't like like that. What happens if the big one comes through?
It's like, we don't live on a tectonic plate, Armando.
You can have a basement.
We have these houses in the suburbs of Los Angeles
that are like, OK, so half of the first floor is underground.
Have you ever seen these houses before?
Yeah.
I wish I had a picture.
I would take too long to like Google it
to find out what it is.
But yeah, it's like if you're looking at the house
and you're at street level,
the window is like an inch or two off of the ground.
Yeah.
And you're like, what the fuck?
It's a noncommittal basement.
Yeah, it looks like a house built for you
and you're short ass.
Okay.
Why would the window need to be lower?
Because you're tiny. But I can still see out of windows. I don't think so. Okay. Yeah, when you're
on your tippy toes, when I give you uppies. Okay. So yeah, when you're looking at it,
it looks like a house built for tiny little griffs. But inside, the first half of like
the first floor is underground and then there's like stairs that go upstairs. And those have
always confused me because we're not allowed to have basements or
usually we don't have basements but what makes that okay? How does that work? How
does that house work? I think that's just like okay well answer me this complete
opposite in a place that's so filled with fires and earthquakes and mudslides
why they build the house on the side of the mountain? Oh, in-
On stilts?
In defiance of God.
On stilts, truly.
On stilts.
On stilts.
Did you see what happened when the big rains happened?
No.
Those houses slid off the fucking mountain.
Did they slide down the fucking side of the mountain?
Yeah.
Who could've foreseen that happening?
The insurance companies who didn't pay out very much money.
Like they fucking need it.
Oh, did you see that fucking boat hit that bridge?
Yeah. What the fuck is that? That's crazy. That's, you saw that right? You saw that? Oh, I woke up to this news. Yeah.
Yeah. I woke up to that and then the Pornhub thing.
They were next to each other on the, you know, Reddit and they'll have like the, ugh.
Oh yeah. They were one after the other. I thought you saw a bridge collapsing and you went, I'm so fucking turned on.
Yeah, it was like, I'm bummed out.
I gotta bring the mood back around for the podcast.
My insides are revving like a thousand foot boat.
Full steam ahead.
Yeah, no, the footage is insane.
It is insane.
It's like,
smash,
collapse, like that thing. It does like a Thanos-ma-smash, clap, like that thing, that thing.
It does like a Thanos snap, it's crazy.
Yeah, like.
American infrastructure is so good.
Truly, man.
Not in need of any repair.
That bridge goes down.
That bridge broke like the bridge I made for science.
For science, exactly, exactly.
Like AP class.
Yeah, two sticks.
Yeah, matchsticks.
Oh, we use popsicle sticks
Yeah, yeah, we did I guess we went to a better school than you yeah
But did your bridge give you a bunch of funny jokes cuz mine had a bunch of written on
Sticks it was very cool. He's a suck his own popsicles
You really do that's for science
That's why I had the best bridge because I was the only one who could do this.
Swoosh.
Yeah.
You ate popsicles like a cartoon eating a chicken leg.
Yeah, absolutely.
I got a whole bone, a stark pure white bone.
A fish bone.
And one fell swoop, yeah.
Well, I'd show you a video of somebody doing that
in real life, but the site got blocked.
So I'm not allowed to go.
And I guess this is the importance
of saving
all digital media, right?
Yeah.
Because Texas could ban it, or a conglomerate
could shut it down.
You never know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You never know.
Never know.
Buy physical media.
We're going back, guys.
Yeah.
We've got to go back.
I've only ever believed in physical media.
I don't have it.
I don't believe physical media exists.
Or at least, my advice to you would be buy physical media and then back it
Up to your own hard drives
Sure, that's the that's that's the that's the fail safe method. I guess my advice would be to steal it that too
Yeah, just steal it. Yeah, just yeah. No no no not piracy
No break into the movie theater mask over your face steal the real you know phones are so good now
I feel like you could just record an entire,
can I, I'm gonna show you a video I shot on my phone,
tell me I couldn't just record a movie theater screen
and put this on the DVD and be fine with the quality.
Sure, yeah, let me see it.
Hold on, oh.
The movie is going to have text reminders.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Text notifications, push notifications over them.
No, that's fine.
I have so many screenshots of the weather because I just kept sending it to people
Look at that
It's on my phone. I
Can make a movie on my phone? This is
Got it off the screen before you deleted it
Like it's like I feel like like I feel confident you could probably shoot a movie on the phone at this point.
I mean, you definitely can.
Like, Apple would definitely have you believe you can.
You have to do, have you ever seen
how people make those, like,
shout out on iPhone videos, though?
It's like, it's shout out on an iPhone,
and then we do so much stuff to it.
And then we process it.
And you're like, in raw,
it's shout out on iPhone, like, in raw.
Shout out on iPhone, in raw, it's like, yeah, in raw, it's showing iPhone in raw. It's showing iPhone in raw, it's like,
yeah, I guess it's not some just guy behind the camera.
There is a full production crew behind the thing.
All fucking around with this,
like on an iPhone, doing ISO aperture settings.
But, and no, fuck that, they're not doing it on the phone.
They've got a fucking remote iPad.
They're controlling the iPhone with doing all that stuff
a mile away from the fucking camera. And then just like this is Sergei
Yeah, he's our editor. Yeah, I just got a LinkedIn notification from our TD Fisher
Are you adding us on LinkedIn right now?
Interesting I didn't get an ad that's that's funny. Yeah, it's cuz I have opportunities. I can film one of those filmed on an iPhone ads
Opportunities I can film one of those filmed on an iPhone ads
Yeah, take care when connecting for your safety we recommend you only connect with people you know and trust Wow decline invite sure
sure Hey, this is one of the last episodes plug something personal who gives a fuck what's your what's your Instagram? What's your?
Plug it who gives a shit. Yeah, you can follow me on at Mondo does stuff ma and do does stuff all one word I stream
Until I get banned off of twitch they've already stopped publishing my videos. Oh, do you use music?
Yes, but it's not just that I also like the other day I rated
Yes, but it's not just that I also like the other day. I raided I think Joe and I told my chat who are the horny boys by the way, okay?
That's what my chat is it's a non gendered term because we're all horny like teenage boys are and
I told them to go into Joe
To his stream and threaten physical violence. Oh, so targeted harassed
Yeah, from me like about 60 people joining his thread all at once to just be like fuck stream and threaten physical violence. Oh so targeted harassing from your community.
It's like about 60 people joining his thread all at once to just be like, fuck you.
And the best part is apparently right when I sent them, he left to go take a shit.
That's so funny.
So he was gone for 20 minutes.
He just came back to abuse.
That's so funny.
To a stockpile of abuse.
Just like here.
I also just found out how to do a chat bot and now it has a bunch of really fun things
and some of my favorite are like,
I started watching a BlizzBear stream
to see what kind of stuff that they do
and one of them is like, exclamation point hydrate
and it'll remind him that he should drink water.
But when you do that, my bot's like,
shut your parasosal ass up, you stupid bitch.
Hey Armando, why don't you go get a brewski,
or better yet, a twisted fucking tea.
And I didn't think it would let me do that, and it does.
Wow.
It straight up will let you do that.
Now there's like a bunch of them,
and all of them insult the audience.
Oh, that's gonna be fun, I can't wait for that.
If you do exclamation point hello,
it just says LOL shut up dork.
I fucking love it. God, I love it so much. So, Armando does stuff. Hello, it just says lol shut up dork
God I love it so much so mondo does stuff. Yeah, I stream. I do a podcast about colts called colt podcast
I make shorts
I make other podcasts and yeah
Follow me. I do a lot of stand-up. Oh yeah, see see mondoo in the city near you, because he'll be out and about.
He'll be in it at some point.
I think when this episode comes out, I'll be in Kansas City.
Yeah.
That's fun.
Go see your boy.
I am the underscore indoor kid on almost everything
I could get it on.
And I don't really do much.
I'm going to start doing stuff, though.
Start it.
Yeah, I'm going to start streaming.
I'm going to start making stuff.
I've been really into leather crafting. What? Oh, damn. Like leather crafting. What do you'm gonna start making stuff. I've been really in the leather
What oh? Crafting we mean like making stuff out of leather for so wait so you're entering. I'm an elder millennial
You're an elder lesbian
Can I see your phone really quick
Just open this up.
U-Haul ads.
It's all U-Haul ads.
Are these earring making classes?
Oh my god.
I would never make jewelry.
No, but I'm thinking about doing DIY streams.
So I think I'm going to do that instead of gaming probably.
That'd be pretty good. Just like craft, work along, work with me streams. So I think I'm gonna do that instead of gaming probably. That'd be pretty good.
Just like craft, work along, work with me streams.
Love it.
To keep people company.
Well we have, yeah, sorry, go ahead.
So yeah, I'm everywhere, Twitch, Twitter, whatever,
Instagram.
Yeah, and that's our time actually.
Yeah, no one else has anything to plug or say anything.
No, plug your shit, stinky.
Oh, I don't, you know, I don't go on X anymore
because fuck that place.
It's so depressing.
It's so depressing.
So really just find me at andrewrosis.ig.
My Instagram there, posted my music, posted my painting.
I think I'm gonna do a little like painting channel,
a painting, Patreon or something like that.
Yeah, a Patreon.
A paint, a Patreon because yeah, I've been making little videos of me painting, um, and-
The color mixing ones is wild.
I'm gonna do some color mixing ones.
Palettes.
I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do, like, alternate palettes, limited palettes, stuff like that.
No.
When he says that, he means-
No.
No.
No!
When Andrew does his color mixing, he means...
You know what I mean. Why is my mic cut off?
Why am I being escorted out of the building?
Why am I being DJ Jazzy Jeffed into the parking lot?
Why are they Diddy-ing my apartment?
Dude, that was crazy.
Holy shit.
I got on the plane yesterday.
Diddy's plane?
To the Bahamas? Yeah, he was shocked. No, I was getting on the plane to and I did he's playing yeah Yeah, he was shocked no
I was getting on the plane to come back from packs and I took Delta save this fucking screens on the thing and
everyone's screen was just like
Like Diddy house raided by Homeland Security, and I was like what's going on?
And then all right, we're gonna shut the cabin doors
Please turn off your phones and the day before that I was eating lunch, I went to brunch with Ify and one of his friends
and his friend was telling us insane stories about when he hung out with Diddy and then
literally the next day it was like the house raid.
Oh, I wish I had not, if I was that person I would go and be like, hey remember all the
stories I told you of hanging out with Diddy?
No I didn't, no I didn't. I was lying 100%. I didn't know that he pulled Drake out of a car and beat his ass. That's crazy
One of my favorite bits from South Park is Diddy Did It. Yeah, it's just real now
Now I can bring it back. Diddy Did It, I think, allegedly.
Allegedly. So yeah, you're doing paint and streams
Yeah, I'm gonna get some to start some painting stream cuz I recorded a bunch of little videos and stuff like that
Yeah, I tried to do it during the pandemic, but I was a little bit too ambitious
I tried to stream it on twitch
But I was a little bit too ambitious because I tried to like hook up like basically three cameras like well
I mean one on me one on the canvas one on my palette so you can see everything that was going on
System could not handle that yeah, so I'm gonna really simplify it and like it was like oh cool do you want to upload this 700 gigabyte file like it was just like
because all the cameras were... It's a TikTok? Yeah exactly. So keeping it paired down.
Gonna just do like real simple stuff. Yeah and we'll be streaming together.
Oh of course. Yeah starting probably pretty soon. Yeah and me and Mondo are launching a
heist podcast. Oh yeah and me and Andrew are hosting a different podcast.
Which we'll tell you about later.
And the three of us are doing our third thing.
A third secret thing.
A third secret thing.
And then me and Andrew are gonna figure something out.
What?
No!
Yeah.
I include it!
Hold you together.
Oh, sense.
How fucking dare you?
Oh yeah, nonsense, yeah.
Nonsense, yeah.
Oh, you're doing a show based around perfume and cologne?
Yeah.
Yeah, that'll fail.
Do it.
Go for it.
I think it could work.
Do it.
There's no other way to do it.
It doesn't even have to be a podcast.
It could just be a little video series.
A little videos, yeah.
Where we just hang out and smell stuff?
Yeah.
Yeah, it doesn't even have to be a video.
It could just be you guys hanging out.
It could be friendship.
Hey, fuck the video.
Friendship?
Yeah, we did that anyway. We never sold Lavendaire. We gotta go. We hanging out. Yeah, fuck the video friendship
We didn't yes, we gotta go we gotta go what fuck are you guys?
Smell the new lavender one
My god, yeah, I care so much
Because I don't need your stupid sense, all right? I'm a proud Hispanic man.
I've got five bottles of Curve that my father had,
and I keep it in the side door of a fucking GNC.
The Mitsubishi Eclipse.
Yeah.
A fucking SUV, baby.
And when I'm feeling fancy,
I have Agua De Georgia or whatever the fuck.
In a clear bottle. Disgusting. If I'm feeling fancy I have a good to George over whatever the fuck in a clear bottle
Yeah, I went if I'm feeling really fancy. I reach into the back seat and grab a maxim from
Instead of deodorant I use the pine fucking car
No, not pine black ice
That's the one you definitely have.
You have black ice in your car right now. I do. I also have black ice in my car. Yeah.
But I also have leather. Yeah, you do. That's crazy. I also have leather for balance.
You don't just call it ice? No. All right, everybody. That's the show. Thank you so much
for tuning in. We'll definitely be back
I've been Armando Torres, and if you want to follow me again, that's at Mondo does stuff man do does stuff
I'm Andrew roses follow me at Andrew roses dot IG on Instagram. Thank you
My name isn't actually Griff, but it is on this podcast, but if you want to find out my real name
I'm the underscore indoor kid everywhere else. Yeah, it's like an ARG go find it find it
and I'll see you next week scamp love you