Rooster Teeth Podcast - Is 2024 The Year I Get WORSE? - #783
Episode Date: January 1, 2024Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Grab the NordVPN deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/roosterteeth and get extra subscription time. It's the start of a new year! Join Armando, Andre...w, and Barbara as they talk resolutions, learning new languages, and the intricacies of dressing up. Welcome to the Rooster Teeth Podcast 2024. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This is a Risteteer production.
Welcome to the only show brave enough to say, Hey, your mother is nice with it.
It's the RT podcast.
Hey, mama.
I am your host, Armando Torres,
and joining me as always is other mother, crusher.
Andrew Roses.
And also other mother, crusher.
Yeah.
Barbara Dunkelman.
Welcome, Barbara. Thankman. Barbara. Barbara.
Thank you.
I'll tell you about the positive just had.
It's because in my, I wanted to say, end the mother herself, but then I realized that
that doesn't work in the bit that I was doing.
Yeah.
And so that's why.
I put her mommy.
And so.
Yeah.
And so that's why that bit came to an ass grinding hole.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is a new year, no edits.
That's what we're doing.
Yeah, just keep everything in.
Absolutely.
But I'm using face tune right now on the back.
Can we actually edit on the dog, the Snapchat dog filter onto me?
That's good. Yeah, yeah, the Snapchat dog filter onto me? That's good.
That's good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. You got that dog in him.
Oh, that wasn't a filter.
That's just what I look like.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Well, this is the first, uh, welcome to the first episode of the new year.
Um, we had a whole whopping three months or whatever of making the podcast.
And we want to say thank you to everyone who watched.
Hey, if you want to help support us do what we do,
you can go to theartypodcast.com
or theartypodcast.com slash first.
And that's how you can help us support the shows that we make.
This show that you're listening to,
you also get like discord events, exclusive RTTV streams
and fun content for everybody, including stuff like,
show me the magic for stinky dragon adventures. exclusive RTTV streams and fun content for everybody, including stuff like Show Me The Magic for Stinky Dragon
Adventures.
That's true.
Very true.
Yeah, we do like a director's commentary
on Stinky Dragon Adventures, which is the puppet show.
We just wrapped up the time that's coming out.
But yeah, it's a, we deep dive on how we made the show.
We also have second win, which is like a bonus show.
We do have to every episode of the podcast.
So a lot of good like cheeky BTS.
My favorite episode of Show Me The Magic is the one
that's cheeks.
Yep, watch, BTC.
My favorite episode of Show Me The Magic
is the one where you let the puppets do the commentary
and it's 45 minutes of complete silence.
Yes.
We actually have a puppet on each episode.
That's good.
Yeah, but it's the puppet themselves as a guest star.
That's what I mean.
Yeah, but the puppets can't talk.
Sure they can.
No.
How do you think they memorize all their lines for singing
during adventures?
I'm pretty.
Pre-electors.
Sure.
That's not how it works, right?
Are they alive?
They're alive, yeah.
Do we have toy story technologies?
They have tools, yeah.
Yeah.
Only it's better than toy story because they don't try to hide it.
Why the fuck are we doing anything other than talking about the fact that we made toys come
alive?
We made toys come alive.
Yeah.
It's crazy, right?
They're the power of belief.
Oh, I thought it was the power of profit margins.
Oh.
Toys, cheaper than people.
Just get them a shoe box.
That's all they need to live in.
Yeah.
These shoes that I'm wearing were actually made by Toys.
Thanks, Nike.
First episode of the New Year.
I wanted to talk to you guys about something because we always talk about New Year's resolutions,
right?
Everyone has a New Year's resolution.
Yeah.
Do you have any for this year, for 2024?
I don't really make resolutions as more I make things I want to try to accomplish in
the year, like last year.
Like a resolution.
Like a resolution.
I'm not gonna bother.
Well, go ahead.
I think I understand the distinction.
I wanted to see if I could clarify the distinction.
It's not like I want to lose 10 pounds or I want to do this.
It's more of like, it'd be nice to, like for example, last year I was like, I want to lose 10 pounds or I want to do this. It's more of like it'd be nice to like for
Example last year. I was like I want to learn something new this year
Okay, that was what it was and so I've actually been learning Japanese for the past 365 days. Oh wow
On dual and go. It's not get too excited. Yeah, but you still like
You said the goal so low. I want to learn something. Yeah, you could just read like
One of those fact-a-day calendars.
And you only need one day and then you've learned something.
I've learned something new.
Not since the dog laughing at me from Duck Hunt has an animal, like the doolingo owl
made me feel so much shame.
I have the little little widget on my home page on my phone for doolingo.
And throughout the day, if you're not practicing, it gets progressively sadder and scarier.
Yeah. To the point where it's like bursting into flames if you haven't done, it gets progressively sadder and scarier.
To the point where it's like bursting into flames
if you haven't done your lesson.
Oh my God.
It works.
It works.
Because I'm like, oh, God, you're so sad.
Okay, these are great.
I can't make this fake.
I'll upset.
Yeah.
I don't, I've been using Duolingo
for the past like three months for Spanish.
And one of the things that I really like,
I took a screenshot of it is that when you first start,
it gives you really simple stuff.
I think it started me on like the second or third lesson
because I already, I know kitchen Spanish,
which is like enough Spanish to get what you want
and then every single gai slur in Spanish.
That's right, that's a lot of that.
That's line cook Spanish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's really good
If you want like a language refresher or if you know like basics of a certain language and want to like get better at it
Sure for learning a new language from scratch
Jury's still out on how it is sure
But I'm still at the point where like I haven't spoken
Japanese it's all been like buttons and like
Clicking things and like selecting things and stuff like that. Do you think you could?
I think if I go really slow, I could say some stuff.
Okay.
But like, I could read Hiragana and Kata Kana pretty well.
Okay.
Which I think is like already a huge step because it's a different alphabet.
Yeah.
Obviously, it's like the Roman, when I was in Los Angeles, in French and in Spanish.
Germanic or something?
Uh, that alphabet. Sure. A new alphabet. So, in French and Spanish. Germanic or something? That alphabet.
Sure.
A new alphabet.
So it's been fun.
I'm gonna have a lot going on, probably.
Probably planning a wedding next year.
Now that's my fiance driver.
Wow.
But yeah, trying to get that in the works.
So I feel like that's gonna be a lot of stuff going on.
We also at some point want wanna get a dog this year.
Wow.
Which I don't know if it's the best idea
to do both simultaneously.
Getting a dog and planning a wedding?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you need somebody to be a ring bearer.
Yeah, but I also heard it's not a good idea
to have dogs at weddings because then you gotta like,
it's, yeah.
Take care of them.
Right.
Well, are we invited to the wedding?
Cause if we are, then you're gonna have some of
They're gonna say you would take care of the dog for me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, because the dog's got to hang out together
Yeah, the dogs it'll be us by the punchball
Yeah, I just realized I never finished saying what I was saying about do a league
Oh, it was that when I started doing it it would like the sentences that it gives me are like,
it would be like,
it's soy, ma, and it's like, oh, okay.
That's Spanish for I am unwell.
No, it's soy bien.
And it's like, why is all of this Spanish telling me
to just say that I'm fucking depressed?
I sent this to a, a jihanna.
Yo, the Cecito Agua, yes.
I sent this to Hannah who we all know is quite a busy individual here at the company.
There's many meetings all the time.
And the thing I was translating for was Hannah is busy.
Yes.
Which is Hannah Sanwa, so could she, so could she des.
El señora Hannah, is está muy cansado.
It's so interesting the way language works,
especially like something completely new to you.
It's a lot of association,
like for example, the word for smart in Japanese is atama gaì.
And I just think of a tamagotchi.
Yeah, of course.
And I'm like, oh, because, because Tamagachi is smart.
It's a little like, yeah.
See those things are smart to say.
Well, if Tamagachi is so smart,
how come I got a feeder or a die?
I'm dumb and shit and I feed myself.
That's true.
Tamagachi, I need to do everything before it.
That's true.
Tamagachi is done this time.
One of my, the interesting thing,
I love the, that in like pluralized nouns like in Spanish
and stuff or stuff where it is like gendered and so like if something is like a group of
like a group of all females, group of all women, you has the feminine conjugation.
It has the feminine conjugation.
But if it's a thousand women and one dude, it goes back to the masculine conjugation.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what's so hard to learn with these languages
is like the proper way to do that stuff.
It's like I'm always misgendering the stupid,
and it's not even misgendering people.
I'm misgendering tired.
Well, here's the concept of being a sleepy.
Here's a question for you.
If we had a word for kind of like how there's like a flock of sequels or you know,
short of this. A murder of crows. Murder of crows. If there was a word for group of women and
group of men, in my opinion, group of women should obviously be a cousin. Oh, very good. That's
pretty good. No question. Yeah, I think a group of men is just a fraternity. Yeah, but like,
that's that's already, well, I guess,
COVID is also already a thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah, if you want me to invent a word,
it's going to be like a group of men is called,
uh, like if you need music.
It's called a group of men is called a grunt.
A grunt of men.
Oh, that's good.
A grunt of men.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, um, uh, it's just a 10-hour.
It's just a 10-hour.
It's that came into my brain the moment.
Fuck.
This, by the way, isn't even what I wanted to talk about.
Andrew, do you have a New Year's resolution?
Uh, well, so I was going to go back to the, and I will now, uh, uh, delineate the, the
differences between, like, a resolution and, uh, resolution and a goal that you want to accomplish.
Whereas I feel like a resolution is something
that you want to do all year long.
It's like I'm making a resolution,
so this is something that I'm going to do all year long.
Whereas I feel like things you want to accomplish,
you could ostensibly, like,
hey, I want to read eight books.
You could do that in the first six months.
Yeah, in first day.
In the first day, if you're giving tree eight times first day. If you're first day, if you're, you know, giving tree eight times.
If you have, if you have, if you have,
you have audible and like set it to five times speed
and just blaze through it.
This, where are we sponsored by audible,
then bleep that out.
No free advertising, no free cloud.
Yeah, he said YouTube.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Game of spots are ass.
But yeah, so do I have any,
I don't know that I have any like resolutions.
I think it's more like stuff that I want to like do this year accomplish things that I want to accomplish this year and
Like what I want to write I want to write another pilot. I was pretty I
Wrote one last year. I wrote one in 2023
So I try to write one a year. I like to up that I like to write a couple more but
Write a pilot and I outline a feature and so I hope I want to write the
feature.
So those are two kind of writing goals that I have.
And I'm getting more comfortable with travel these days.
So I'm going to hopefully do some more traveling to not just Oregon.
I love traveling back to Oregon, but hopefully I'm going to go to New York.
I'm going to go to plane.
Yeah, I can take a plane.
I can go to LA, some more, I can go to New York.
What did you think he was going to do?
Well, you said you want to LA of some more or go to New York? What did you think he was gonna do? Well, you said you wanna work on traveling more
and you mentioned, we've talked before about this,
how we like bit of plane anxiety,
which is, you know, very common, very normal.
So I was in a church, it was like,
you're working through your plane anxiety
to wanna travel more via plane. Oh yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no was last summer. Last summer I did, when I went,
when I went this pat, like a couple of months ago
for vacation, I flew, I flew to LA,
and then I flew from LA to,
to Florida.
That's fine, and that makes sense.
But I, okay.
It was over the pandemic in my family.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I'm so tripped to Oregon.
That's what I'm saying.
That makes a lot of sense.
I thought you said this last time that you went,
like very recently, that you drove there
and it was like, holy fuck. That's insane. How long were you in Oregon recently that you drove there. And it was like, holy fuck.
That's insane.
How long were you in Oregon?
Because you were there basically enough time to get there.
And you turned back around.
I had to call and float the wagon to get there.
Is there a bucketless place you want to go to this year?
You think?
I really, oh, I'll tell you what.
So my family, my sister, my mom and I,
we're planning a trip to go to Ireland
as a little family vacation.
And we bought tickets for February 2020.
Does anyone remember what happened in February 2020?
Everything was starting to shut down.
It was like, oh, no.
It was like when cases started,
so like in like December, it was like there are cases in like Oregon. I feel like it was like the West Coast. It was like, oh, no. It was like when cases started, so like in like December,
it was like there are cases in like Oregon.
I feel like it was like the West Coast.
Seattle was one of the like hot spots to start.
Yeah, exactly.
And so by the time it was like our tickets were for like late
February and so basically like everything shut down
before so we canceled our trip.
But we have, but we did British Airways gave us a voucher,
which expires at the end of 2024.
So we have to use it this year. Ooh, so got some, sorry. Got some British Airways gave us a voucher, which expires at the end of 2024. So we have to use it this year.
Ooh.
So, got some, sorry.
Got some British Airways vouchers.
Hopefully, maybe go to Ireland.
I wanna go to Italy.
I wanna go hit that on Malfi Coast, baby.
I wanna go see some masterpieces and some museums.
I am going to Italy this year, or yeah, this year.
Let's go, baby.
Let's go.
I'll show you.
I went to Rome.
Ooh. We tacked it onto RTX London's go. That's all I've seen. I went to Rome. Ooh.
We tacked it onto RTX London.
Yeah.
So we are already over there.
Like Italy is the most beautiful place.
This gorgeous.
Everywhere you look is like a painting.
Yeah.
And also, it's so funny because if you've never been to Italy,
you have this romantic idea in your head.
And I'm not saying don't go, by the way.
It is fucking gorgeous.
But it's one of the most beautiful places
where just every person right outside
of that beautiful painting is doing a hate crime to you.
It's a fucking gorgeous place
to have somebody call you a slur for a race
that you are not.
Ah!
What did they think you were?
They all thought I was Algerian.
And then the Algerians thought I was North African.
And then the North Africans didn't know what the fuck I was.
So everyone was just racist to me in a different way.
And I thought it was great,
because you would hear like a fucking slur in one ear
and then be looking at like the fucking pouls of Versailles,
which is such a contradicting thing in your mind.
Yeah.
I don't know. You probably won't have that issue there.
You probably won't either.
Beautiful Italy.
I should be clear that you will have in Italy
much different worst problems.
It is a bad place to go.
I've been.
Yeah.
You have been a catacled.
There's a lot of people trying to take advantage of tourists.
Yes. In a lot of ways. to take advantage of tourists. Yes.
And a lot of which is why I wear my not a tourist shirt. Yeah. That's written in English.
Yeah. To throw them off the sand. Unfortunately, I have all of the facial features and body features
that say I'm another from here. That's true. No matter where I go in Europe. And I know it makes
it sound like I'm doing a race thing. It's not just a race thing.
It's a being six foot five thing.
Being a bearded six foot five,
all of a complex man.
They're just a monster.
In a country that is not built for someone your side.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not even the planes to Europe aren't even built for your side.
Like for me, and I feel like I was talking with,
I was talking with Trevor about this recently,
where like even Trevor had some problems
fitting in the seats, maybe not this last trip.
Because he was like 63 as you said.
He's like 62.
Okay.
Closer to 60.
He says he's 61, but I think he's 62.
I mean, he says he's downplay.
I don't know.
Hit hit.
He likes to say that him and Fred are the same height.
So they try to confer with each other.
Like no, we're 61.
That's five. what, five nine?
Yeah, similar to that.
I don't actually know how tall anybody is,
but I flew back from London
and I booked my ticket with Miles
and I was able to get,
there's like the lowest economy with that,
which is fine,
cause I just needed a last minute flight.
The economy seats on this plane,
I was tight in there, and I'm not a big person.
I would consider myself more on the thin side,
usually of the average body type.
Sure.
And the armrests were literally almost digging
into my hip, and I'm like, how does anybody
fuckin' fit on this plane?
If like, these are elementary school desk size seats.
Literally.
And luckily I had the bulkhead seat,
so like I didn't have anyone in front of me,
and it was great.
The what?
bulkhead.
Like the, like the end of the road.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
I heard bald kid.
I had the guy you see.
No.
I have a bald kid.
See, I have the, I have the last airbender seat. Bald kid. Yeah, it's like, oh, I'm sorry, what? So I had like all the. I have the last airbender.
Yeah, it's like what I'm sorry what?
So I had like all the leg room in the world,
but yeah, Trevor, I've seen him on planes.
He's about six two, you can take.
And his like knees, he has to put his legs out
to fit in between those seats.
I try my fucking hardest to get the exit row
so that I get a little bit more room.
Cause if I have the leg room, I won't do that.
It's a problem with like, you know.
I really do think that should be something that is considered
with booking airline tickets.
Like having maybe some type of like on your driver's license
running to prove your height and be like.
Highten weight, just be like.
I should get the fucking exit seat. Or like the bulkhead seat.
How are the bald kids seat?
The bald kids seat.
I'm Kai Yu.
You know how many times that I've gotten onto a plane
that I couldn't buy the exit row seat
because it was already purchased by the time I bought my ticket?
And I'm walking by the exit row
and I see some fucking five foot three-mother fucker
or some like 80 year old. Feet feet dangling? Yeah, I see some fucking five foot three mother fucker or some like
feed Danielin yeah see some 80 year old woman and I'm like you're not fucking
safe shit old lady fuck you I should be in there you can't pull that handle
because that's every time exactly every time you sit in those seats they have the
whole speech where they're like are you prepared to fucking sacrifice everything
yeah at which point you take out your earbuds again.
And then you have to say yes.
Yes, you have to verbally confirm yes.
And I feel like if I could physically lift you up
and put you into the overhead game,
that you should get the seat.
They should have a strength test
to be getting a every flight,
a battle whoever wants the exit row
have an arm wrestle competition.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,
it's just the start track.
I really want to.
I gotta get to the airport five hours early.
I'm fighting in the death battle.
I gotta get this seat, man.
Oh, have you guys been to the Austin Thunderdome?
It's so nice.
It's like the Delta lounge, but it's, yeah.
Yeah. I'm a Thunderdome plus the delta lounge, but it's yeah. Yeah. I'm a fun
you don't plus member. You get the fair. They got a charcuterie boards out and stuff.
Do you have free upgrades with that? Yeah, but you have to use miles and it's not playing miles.
It's how long the guts are when you're traveling. About two intestines that get you a flight to Houston.
Those are all really good resolution slash goals
that you have.
I have one more, too, that I, uh,
it's like such a silly one, but I want to put more effort
into the way I dress this year.
Really?
And the big reason for that is because
ever since the pandemic happened,
and there was like no reason to care
about the way you looked at all.
I started wearing a lot of likes,
wet pants and baggy clothes, which I still like to wear
and stuff like that, don't get me wrong.
But it definitely, I think my confidence is better
when I dress a certain way,
or when I put effort into the way I look.
Not saying like that's something anybody has to do,
that's just me personally.
Of course.
No, I mean, you dress really well right now.
I don't know if we can cut to the wide
so you can see the full outfit. You are dressed like the HR director of a dispensary.
Hell yeah. Yeah. That God damn it. Isn't that dead fucking on? Hell yeah, dude. And we look like
the guys going to that dispensary. Oh, let's speak for yourself. I look like the scary security guard
at the dispensary. Oh, are you going to call me boss when you hit him on IAD back?
Yeah, I'm holding my bulletproof vest like this.
And I go, there you go, boss.
Go sit over there, boss.
When a guy, when a six five guy calls you boss.
Yeah, that's a good feeling.
That's a good job.
Before the pandemic and doing a lot of like,
on camera productions, I feel like I'd put a lot of effort
into like, my hair, my outfit and stuff like that. And that's something I had a lot of like on camera productions, I feel like I'd put a lot of effort into like, my hair, my outfit and stuff like that.
And that's something I had a lot of fun doing.
And then just the pandemic kind of ruined my interest in that.
I'm getting a fit on.
Yeah, I'm getting a fit.
And now I'm like, I don't know how to put anything together anymore.
I don't mean to diminish your goal
because I think it's a good one.
But I feel like you are one of the best dressed people
that I know.
Oh, truly.
Yeah, just when you were saying that's I was like,
Oh man.
I gotta step up my fucking game, right?
Yeah, yeah, like if Barb's like,
I dress like shit, then I'm like,
Oh, you guys always look great.
Well, thank you.
I think, but I understand where you're coming from
because every time speaking of the BTS stuff
from like stinky Dragon and stuff,
it looks, every BTS photo is like a bunch of people
looking like a heist crew.
It's like sweatshirt, sweatpants, beanies.
Like they all, you all like to cook your back
to knock over a bank.
Well, not only with, like, and Cody knows,
because Cody was there with us,
it was like, it was pretty chilly in the room sometimes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then like, you're in a lot of like very,
like you're bending down, you're having to lift things up, you're having to do a lot of like physical work and so like jeans aren't no, no, no, I think Cody probably wore jeans because Cody always wear jeans
Yeah, can confirm
BTS for each of this
But yeah, like none of us we wanted to be comfy because it was like 10 hour days over nine weeks
And so this is how everybody on sticky drag and be looking.
It's very, yeah.
It's very true.
And you're holding a picture of Homer Simpson.
Yeah.
And we need to do a robbery to commit certain deeds.
No, that's, I think I wore that exact outfit one day.
I remember it.
Yeah.
But yeah, I think it's also like, you know, I talked a bit before too, like,
improving my fitness and just like general health and stuff like that.
I think when I was wearing a lot of like baggy,
sweatpants kind of loose fit stuff,
you don't notice your body changing
because everything is like stretchy and stuff like that.
And I'm like, oh my actual jeans aren't fit in as well
as they used to or like these things are changing
and it's like, oh it's because I stopped working out.
I stopped and continued eating only McDonald's
and Taco Bell.
It was, a couple of months.
I mean, it's really, so the funny thing is,
like, during the pandemic, I got the best shape
of my life during the pandemic.
Yeah.
Because there was nothing to do.
I was just like, okay, well, I'll just,
I'll go for a walk.
So I'll be like, walked like two hours a day
during the pandemic.
And that'll do a lot for you.
In, again, like, I also worked out,
but I also walked two hours a day.
I'd walk once in the morning and once a night
and then throw workout in there.
I'd do an hour walk as a warm up.
Anyway, I got in really good shape
because there's nothing else to do.
And exercises helps serotonin production
and so it made me feel better.
Yeah.
But that feeling of putting,
when you work long 10 hour days,
you're in the studio,
you're bending over,
you're doing production.
The less you come home,
do you want to work at one?
Out.
At all, I cannot think of something
I do either to do less after a long, long production day,
then like move weight.
Like that sounds like a nightmare.
I'm walking because like our hips and feet
and everything.
So I want to sink into a bath, put a robe on, hit a pen,
and go to bed.
Hey.
And he's talking ballpoint.
That's right.
The Andrew has a bad ink addiction.
I gained weight.
BIC.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I gained weight during the pandemic.
I also lost weight.
I lost a bunch of weight.
And then I gained it all back.
And then some.
And what I really love about being able to say that is like every time I go, oh, I gained
weight during the pandemic, people are like, oh my God, me too.
And they'll like try to sympathize with you,
but what I think is funny is like,
I was already fat, like I was a fat guy
before the pandemic, and then I gained weight.
And it's like, have you, when you're,
if you, it stops being like sympathetic
to the amount of weight that I gained
when the world stops
can't okay I put it yeah I know I went from being a 2xl to a 3xl and it's hard to
feel like that weight loss matter or that weight gain matters when they stop even
naming sizes for how fat you've gotten like going to a medium to a large that's
like oh I feel you that sucks you got. But I'm at a point where they just went,
yeah, you're too fat and now you're three fat.
That's how I'm gonna make sure the way that you do it.
And I know that I was getting fat
because I would do, like, I don't know.
I have a theory that you can tell
that you're making bad decisions by like,
how fun the eating choices you're making sound.
Like if you're making healthy decisions,
you'll have stuff like badass meal for bad asses.
You will replacement fuel or something like that.
You will replacement fuel.
What I'm saying is like when you eat,
it's a writer over here, but yeah.
I drink my milkshake.
Yeah.
And then I drink yours.
And that's how I got here.
I feel like when you eat healthy,
there's stuff that you eat and it sounds cool and badass
and like mean.
Yeah.
But then I start eating stuff like party size
or family meal and it's like, well, that sounds too fun.
It's the funer the meal sounds, the fatter it's gonna make.
Party size and family are both, I mean, very fun.
Very fun.
Yeah.
I like parties.
Well, it doesn't help that, my friend Danny Palumbo,
a very funny standard comedian, had a bit about like how
a lot of food places, like there are two sizes.
There are like child size and family of bears.
Like those are your options.
It's like, yeah, I get the,
I guess get the large like mac and cheese.
And it is a sand-pale bucket of mac and cheese.
And you're like, well, I was gonna say,
I think for me, not just for the citizens,
for the citizens of what else,
to keep me accountable and the stuff I eat,
if I had to read out my debit card transactions
for food to someone else and see the look on their face
as I read it, that would probably keep me on the straight
now. That's gonna be like,
the amount of Uber Eats receipts on my
like, Google Taco Bell twice in one day.
Oh, God.
It's pretty good.
That's pretty good. It. Pretty healthy meal for you
That's what like calorie counter apps do and that's what I that's what that's the best way for me to lose weight
Is because I won as lazy as I am it forces me to have to do something and I hate I fucking hate doing paper work
And if you're like I feel like I fucking hate doing paperwork.
And if you're like, I feel like I just cuffed a criminal
and now I got to fill out the fucking report
on how I just devoured a pizza.
Like it's not, it's not a good feeling.
So that's what helps me keep me accountable.
And the fact that like, yeah, you're really looking
at the purchases that you made with your body.
But also there's just little things I can do
to be healthier, because like I said,
it's like, I feel like every time I eat a meal,
I feel like every meal I eat deserves
like a free t-shirt and a photo on a wall.
Like that's how I eat.
Like I eat, like I eat like,
it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,
it is a man-versed food, it's a manverse food thing.
First, man versus food thing.
And you're seeing me eat where it's just like every meal I have, looks like I'm training
for a competitive eating competition.
That's how I eat.
And so I just gotta stop doing that.
Is that something that is a 2024 goal of yours at all in any way?
Or is that more of like, you don't wanna put the pressure on yourself
to hit any sort of target,
or it's just something that you wanna be.
I think I just wanna be vaguely healthy.
I think it's,
so that's the,
like I guess that's the difference between like my resolutions
and like what I consider that I wanna do.
It's like I wanna be healthier.
So like not like I wanna lose X amount of weight
or X amount of muscle,
it's just like I just wanna live a healthier lifestyle.
I think that they're one and the same.
I think resolutions and goals are the same.
I think that resolutions have a bad connotation to them
because no one ever keeps their resolution.
Sure, right, right.
Whereas if you frame it as a goal,
you're much more likely to do it.
I also think that like the idea of waiting
until the new year to start something is fucking dumb
because you're hyping it up too much, which means
there's too much pressure on it.
You might fail at it because- They feel worse about it the and it's also like it on the other side of the spectrum
because resolutions the bit is that no one keeps them. It sort of lets you slide off the hook.
And so I think hard goals are stupid. I feel like I've made this joke before, but all I want is to be slightly healthier
because every morning I wake up like a character
and a TV show that just woke up from a coma.
Yeah, where I come back to life
and I feel like that's not a healthy way to exist.
To be shocked back into consciousness.
Existence, like I go,
and then the intro credit start.
I don't sleep period.
I feel like I've talked about that, right?
Like I sleep for like three hours a night.
Have you considered like trying to talk to your doctor
about a sleep study?
Uh, yeah.
Could you could have sleep apnea?
I don't have sleep apnea.
I just can't fall asleep.
And half of it is mental.
Again, I feel like I fucking talked about this
on a different podcast.
I'm not sure I don't always open.
I might have. Sleep is about this on a different podcast. I'm not sure I could have not always open. I might have.
Sleep is stupid and it's wasted time
and I don't like it and doing it is.
It's 50% of your life don't.
Unless it's on a Helix mattress.
Yeah, exactly.
Which case it's all worthwhile.
Well, there's other things you can do
on a Helix mattress.
There is other things you can do on a helix mattress.
Watch TV.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Thanks, Helix. From a lot of things I've read and learned over the course of trying to figure out how
to live a healthier lifestyle, the most common thing is sleep.
Yeah.
Like you will be surprised how much seven, eight hours of sleep per night.
I know it's easier said than done, especially of trouble sleeping, but like, if there is
a way for you to get that and check first, it'll help everything else.
Everyone always brings up the sleep.
Everyone always brings up the sleep.
It's important, man.
It's important for your mental health.
It's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so funny.
About both like, both like, moderate exercise and sleep
is like, I regret to inform you, it works.
Like, it's like, I'm so sorry to tell you this,
moderate exercise and a good night's sleep
is so beneficial and it is so wild to me
because like I have anxiety and it is so,
it is profoundly worse if I don't get a like good night's sleep.
I'll be like, it'll be like four o'clock in the afternoon
and I'll be like, am I having a panic target?
Maybe I just have like too much coffee or something.
I just like feel on edge, I feel antsy,
I don't like this and all it goes.
And I'm like, okay, so I start like thinking about it.
It's like, okay, is it too much coffee?
And no, I just have like one cup like earlier today,
what's the deal?
And then it's like, oh, I slept for four hours.
Yeah.
What happens if I get a, what if I take,
what if I take a nap
and like get some like rest or like get a good night's sleep tomorrow?
There's like a thing that's like, if you think everyone hates you, take a nap.
Mm-hmm.
If you hate everyone, have a meal.
There's like something else about like take a walk.
It's like all these things like you're feeling this way.
Do this.
If you're here, do that.
Yeah.
Nine times at 10.
I saw Saw it was
Talking about this with my therapist where it's if everyone if you feel like everyone hates you
They do if you've paid everyone else it's because like fucking suck and if you feel like you're having a panic attack
Panic attack. It's because the world is dying. Yeah, and you should run
Yes, look here's the. I'm shaking my head audio of you.
Here's the thing, Andrew's completely right. I mean, you're both right and here like
My failure, I shouldn't say failure my
unwillingness to be healthier is not because I don't understand anything. During the pandemic, I spent, during lockdown, I should say, I spent about four months getting
my life together.
I started having panic attacks, like really bad ones, like debilitating, crawl into like
the fetal position in the closet and just like completely shut down.
And I talked with my doctor.
My doctor was like, well, I'm as she's sleep and I was like,
I don't know, like two hours and she was like,
oh, fucking, what do you eat?
And I was like, for what meal?
Like normally breakfast is like Taco Bell
and then lunch is like McDonald's.
She's fucking, watching this doctor be like,
fucking God, why do we, just so disgusted with me? And I would say what?
That's cheap. I mean, a doctor being disgusted. No.
Shouldn't be a doctor. No. No. Well, not that she was a bad doctor. It's just like, I feel like
sometimes I explain my life choices to other people. And then I feel bad that for whatever reason,
this me, this Armando was given consciousness instead of like whoever else
in the ether should have been granted the gift and ability to live, which is a problem for my therapist.
Anyway, as I went through the list of things that I do, where like, oh, the first thing that I do
when I wake up is fucking rip that nicotine vape and then I get high for a little bit. And then I kind of like play Fortnite for, I don't know, anywhere between like eight to 14 hours.
And then I get high again.
And then I get enough fight with my girlfriend.
And then immediately I fall asleep for two hours.
And it's just that on repeat every day.
And she was like, you've been doing this
throughout the whole pandemic.
And I was like, this is like 2019, obviously.
And so like what I did was I stopped doing all those things. I stopped doing nicotine. I stopped getting high, I stopped having a girlfriend. I did stop having a girlfriend. I stopped
everything. And then I started counting calories. And then I started going on a walk. I left
Los Angeles. I moved to San Diego with my mom for a couple of months.
And my mom's a huge walker.
Loves to walk everywhere.
And I got to the point where I was walking.
God, I think we were walking like six miles in the morning in the evening and then like an extra two
miles in the night.
It also was like, it was such a huge shift in lifestyle where like everything I went from.
Oh, yeah, you went from. started sleeping eight hours a day at minimum.
Which I am capable.
I am capable, but I have to drug myself to do it.
I have to use copious amounts of drugs,
and because I quit getting high,
I use not fun drugs to make myself fall asleep.
You got to get one of those
hermetically sealed surgical mallets too.
Yeah. You're not going mallets too. Yeah.
Knock myself out.
Yeah, exactly.
That.
You know, I hear drinking water, hell.
Yeah, yeah, I could.
I, uh,
I don't know.
Also, sleep and drink water.
I would, I would walk.
I would do the mallet thing,
but the little birds that I had,
they were too expensive to feed on.
Oh, yeah.
You got to put that little cuddle bone in your hair.
My point is that I know what works.
Fat diets never attracted me.
Keto shit is like, I don't know.
If you're doing it and it works for you, it works for you.
I don't care.
But like, pure and simple, you talk to anybody.
You talk to James Blaine, any of these fitness nuts.
And they'll tell you that, I mean, fucking,
I'm serious, you talk to anyone like serious about fitness
and they'll tell you the same thing,
which is like, it's putting yourself in a calorie deficit.
That's what it is.
That's it.
Calories, that's it.
That's it.
That's all you have to do.
And the best way to do that is to limit the stuff you have.
And then you get into the complicated stuff
like macros and shit.
And making those calories count.
Yeah, which is the macro.
Yeah, exactly.
And so like protein instead of sugar,
and so on, yeah.
I know.
All the fats over bad fats.
I know all that stuff.
I know all that stuff.
And I know it all works.
And I know it's so easy to do.
But I also just like, I don't care.
You know, like I don't, it's the same thing with the sleeping
where it's like, yeah, I know I'm supposed to sleep more
than that, but sleep is fucking stupid. And I don't't, it's the same thing with the sleeping, where it's like, yeah, I know I'm supposed to sleep more than that, but sleep is fucking stupid
and I don't like doing it.
I just think you would be in a better state
if you got more sleep.
Yeah, it'd be in California. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, confirmed. Yeah, I agree. I know what's really funny though is I know for a fact that it's like we like got we went to the gym.
You would be able to move
Massive amounts of weight. You're deadlift right now is probably like double mine. Yeah, just naturally. I also like I
I don't know. I do lift weights every,
I think twice a week, I go to my gym.
And that doesn't even come from a need to be healthy.
That comes from the pure and simple of like,
it's included with my building.
And in my brain, I go, I fucking pay for this.
You know, I also include it in your building, your bedroom.
Yeah, yeah.
And I be using it.
And you know what I'm saying player.
It's a, it doubles as a office.
I work.
So something that scares me more than anything is Alzheimer's or like any type of
cognitive decline in that sense.
Sure.
And apparently the number one factor that is not getting enough sleep.
I thought part of it was genetics.
It was sure, but I, but I But in terms of things you could control.
Sure.
Not getting enough sleep is a huge part in being more
at risk for that kind of stuff.
And to me, I will do anything in my power
to make sure I got that, to get the men's eyes.
Yeah, as long as I can.
Well, I mean, that's the assumption of like,
I don't know, I probably not live in past what?
Like 45, you know? I'm not a I don't know. I probably not living past what, like 45, you know?
I'm not a human.
You know what I'm talking about?
I see all the time you see like a, like,
so-and-so diet of a heart attack at 46.
It's like, well, they were so many people.
The fucking roof came in and kill us right now.
Exactly.
Anytime, but you can't live like that.
Ah.
Ah.
But I can't die like that.
Exactly.
If you can't control it, there's no use in worrying about it.
It's how I like to approach things.
That's how I feel about to circle back travel.
That's why I'm a really great travel partner.
People like traveling with me because some people
get super stressed out about like,
big occasions, travel, all that kind of stuff.
I am the fucking breeze, man.
Like, I'll try to solve problems if stuff gets canceled
or like, do all that stuff, but like.
There's only so much in your control.
It is so,
not only does it just add to my control,
it is definitely out of control of the gate agent
who doesn't control the weather or flight patterns
or the fact that like,
or something gets canceled or not.
Okay, so exactly.
So like, I don't take it out on people.
If something stresses me out, I'm the fucking breeze man.
I'm a great travel partner because like, I'm just, I'm solutions oriented, but not
manic.
So it's like, do what we can.
How about we have a coffee?
First of all, figure it out.
First of all, you're wrong.
Because every time your plane is canceled or delayed,
it triggers a mini-game within the airport
in which if you yell out at the right person.
At the right person.
And you're gonna know who the person is
because they look terrified and 20.
And they are, and-
Jerefine 20 is a new reality show from your own HV.
And we just follow people around other jobs,
because it sucks, because everything is terrible.
Anyway, please don't do that.
It's obviously a joke.
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I will never understand stuff like that.
People yelling at, you know, desk agents, service,
more service people who have zero control over what happened or what is happening.
And are just trying to find solutions.
I, so, okay, here out the full sentence.
I understand.
Disagree.
It's okay.
That's good.
I, I understand, like I said, with the home thing, I forgot in the gym because I've paid money
for it and I'm doing it.
I am working out almost in defiance of my building to go like, yeah, fucking pieces,
shit.
I'll do it as soon as I already paid for it.
And I'm angry.
And like, I am almost like personifying,
I'm projecting onto the gym this weird anger
that the gym has no any idea.
It's an inanimate object, it's just a fucking room.
And so like when you are paying for something,
you have expectations of something
that you want them to be like fulfilled or whatever.
You want it to work?
You want it to work.
Yeah.
And so like I get why people get so frustrated
and you're going like, you are not,
the thing is is like they are yelling at an employee
because they are a surrogate for the company
that they perceive to be wronging them.
I understand that's why they're
doing it. It's fucking dumb because you stop like, I don't know what it is about putting
on a fucking uniform that makes people forget that there's that people, people are people.
Yeah. And like, you're not yelling at fucking Delta. You're yelling at Deborah. And she's
just as confused as you are. And maybe she has an inkling of more information
than you have, but not anything useful.
There's rules, there's methods for doing stuff.
But I think that goes into the whole conversation
of like there's only so much you could control.
And especially with travel, you literally have no control
over like if a plane gets canceled or if there's weather
or whatever there is, like you just have to know
how to handle it appropriately when it does that.
I also, I think this goes for both genders, but for some reason, specifically, like dudes,
there is nothing less attractive to me than watching. And seeing a grown man throw a fit
is one of the most, like, just dick-sriveling of a giant of drying thing
you could possibly imagine is watching a grown man
have a hissy fit.
I'm just like, my God, dude.
And he's usually like a guy,
it's usually like a guy with his family,
but he's like beset upon family.
Or a guy flying first class.
Or a guy flying first class.
He's like his first class.
Who just like has guy flying first class or a guy flying first class is flyer who just like has no
Patience whatsoever at all, but man. I'm just like dude. You're you are like
Just woman repellent right now
Just the least attractive thing is like and I would say I say it goes for both genders because yeah seeing well seeing anyone
Seeing anyone no matter no matter how they you know
Identify I think throwing a fit is a terrible look.
I think there are just some people who grow up or at least live a lifestyle where they
expect to always get what they want.
Sure.
Whether it was like, again, the way they grew up or what they're accustomed to or the
privilege that they have or just like unreal expectations, unrealistic expectations.
And when they don't get exactly what they want,
it's like, I am the main character
and I'm not getting what I want,
so I'm gonna fucking cause hell.
I'm gonna throw fit.
We have described everyone on Wankas tour.
Every one of the kids has represented
one of the personality traits we've talked about here.
Wanka, how come I didn't get to own the factory? Well, my child, every one of the kids has represented one of the personality traits we've talked about. What?
How come I didn't get to own the factory?
Well, my child, it's because you sleep three hours a night.
And that's...
And Darren, you complained too much.
You complained too much.
This is not me talking as a chocolate tier.
This is me talking to you as a friend.
I'm concerned.
You make me put a meat on because that's what I said.
Verbata. Boy for word. No, I don't remember because that's what I said verbatim.
Boy for word.
No, I don't remember things like that.
I don't sleep enough.
I really caught into the client.
It's happening.
So rockets lead baby.
I love so much, especially at airports.
I do this every time when you see somebody throwing a hissy fit, the best thing you can do
is after they say something,
there's always a moment of silence
where Deborah behind the desk is going,
I really gotta fucking deal with this Jesus Christ.
In that moment of silence, laugh at them.
It's so funny.
It's so funny because they turn around
and what they see is at minimum, you,
an outside observer of this situation,
going, you're being a dick, dude. And at like best, they going, you're being a dick, do you?
And at like best, they will realize they're being a dick,
be a little bit embarrassed and maybe be a little bit better.
Tone check?
Yeah, at worst, they'll be angry at you.
And again, this might only be me.
I'm a six foot five giant man.
So if you're the type to get angry, I've laughed at you
and you go, who's that?
Well, I don't like that. Well, I don't like that.
I don't like any of that.
Yeah, I would say, I would do more confident laughing
if I was three bills and six five.
Yeah, I do everything more confidently.
It's, I've talked about this so many different places,
but like, I really did like, yeah,
I got fucked on the not being like a white guy
or whatever, sure fine, but like, holy shit
that I get so much privilege from just being this big.
I have nothing, I have very little things to be afraid of.
What's the way to walk outside when it's dark?
It's nice.
Yeah.
It's really, really nice.
You are the one who knocks.
Yeah.
You've become, I've had to like,, I need to be clear right up front.
I'm not complaining about this.
But like when I was a teenager and I was getting to be as huge as like fucking am, like even
like 12, 13, my mom had to like teach me how to walk around, like basically like-
I do not scare women when I walk in your-
Yeah, like be on your phone,
look like you have something like you're busy,
even if you're not just like little things of like,
don't do that.
And my mom, I remember my mom teaching me basically,
like when I walk from the office to my car,
I have to hold my keys like this.
I have to do that because people are scary
and women are terrified all the time.
And you are somebody who's going to terrify women and it's not your fault. And I know you're a
good person, but here are things that you can do to not terrify, you know.
Body language goes a long way. Oh, it does. It's why, I mean, it's the other, it's the way I
slouch all the time. It's why Griff has talked about it multiple times of like the little body language
stuff that I've learned and picked up to just make myself non-threatening.
I cannot believe we didn't do that as a cold open skit of like trying to like, that very thing of teaching you like things to do to like seem less threatening, but somehow they always come up.
It's like, no, you know, like, you know, be a little jaunty and like whistle maybe while you're working and then you're like, it's like, no, no, okay, no, no, no.
I was like, how does your voice have reverb on it?
That was hooking.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Oh God.
Why did your head spin all the way around
and start doing that?
Yeah, there's like, I mean, there's little subtle things
that I've realized that I do when I get angry.
Like, when I get really angry,
or when I'm trying to intimidate somebody,
which again, only happens when I laugh at somebody at the
Delta line. That's when I like roll my shoulders back and stand up straight and that like extra
couple of inches that you get is really upset.
Yeah. When you like fucking the Optimus Prime out.
Oh, yeah. Well, the easiest way to do it is a fucking Henry Cavill like fucking fist cock. Yeah. Yeah, there is that is
Yeah, it's
We were talking about it earlier that is the most upsetting thing is like how
horribly out of shape and how lazy and and tired I am all the time
I wonder why and
If I go to the gym I can lift up so weight. Like I remember we just filmed something on Friday with BFT
and I lifted up Sammy.
I, for the bit, he was like,
I want you to lift me up and carry me off.
And I did it and after the take, he goes,
when you did that, I felt like I weighed nothing.
I was like, you, you don't.
Right.
Yeah.
Pretty slender guy.
Yeah, you are. Okay, earlier you said like, you have a bad idea of like, You don't. Right. Pretty slender guy. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay. Earlier, you said like, you have a bad idea of like who's tall or like how tall people
are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I have to where if your S tall is me, if you're like six, four and above,
in my mind, you're S tall is me or taller.
You're just tall.
If you're under that, I have such a, I don't 511'11, 5'9, 5'7, 5'11, 5'7, that's the same
to me.
It's just the same.
It's the number of degrees I have to turn my head to look down at you when I'm talking
to you.
Right.
And he means attitudeally.
I guess I look down my nose at everyone.
Yeah.
It's from a condescending way.
I've had nine for reference.
Okay. In case. I didn't for reference. Okay. In case.
I didn't know that.
Yeah. That's tall, right?
Uh, it's taller for a woman.
Taller.
Taller side for ladies.
Yeah, I think average height for a woman.
I know it used to be about five four.
Okay.
Now it's probably a little taller, probably five five.
So for reference, my partner is five'11, maybe 6'5".
And in my head, you both are the same height.
And I am now just coming to the realization
that that is not true.
So that's like a great skill.
But again, that's what you said
between 5'7 and 5'11.
It's all the same.
It's all the same.
I feel like you sort of get that way.
I would say pretty much, in my mind, everyone from 28 to 40 is the same age to me. Like they we all
kind of look this like I'm just like, oh yeah, it's hard to tell. I think like especially
the Millennial generation. That's what I'm saying. I don't like I don't 20. 20. You could
be 28 or you could be 40. I have no idea. Yeah, and the only thing that tips it off is usually,
well, like myself, the beauty, the gray,
and the beauty started to gray.
Hair still sticking around, that Christ.
Lucky.
I'm going bald, baby.
Can we talk about here?
So joke.
What, me?
No, I've started seeing my, my hairline
receding a little bit, but also I have a theory.
I have a theory that Austin's hard shit ass water
is ruining my hair.
It's stripping your hair.
And making it thinner because like,
I swear to-
Could be the two hours of sleep
per night you're getting.
Yeah.
I did sleep does affect like hair and skin.
Yeah, hair and skin.
Anyway, when I lifted Sammy, it was the same as the height differential where it's like
Sammy lifting Sammy up and lifting a backpack up takes the same amount of like inertia.
Yeah, within like, I would say within like a soda can to a 50 pound bag of dog food is
roughly the same amount of effort that it takes to
like, live something.
Yeah.
You've got, it's like, it's like a noise gate.
It's like, whatever the threshold is, like, it's like above, like, or below 12 negative 12
DB, everything rolls off.
So it's like, if you're like, hit one, like, something between like a hundred pounds
to zero, all the same to me.
Yeah.
Just like, yeah, it's just like 50 pound, and I know that it's a 50 pound bag of dog food,
specifically that I'm talking about.
That's when I go, oh, okay, I have to like,
actually lift this.
Like you have to do it where you're not using your back
or else you're gonna injure yourself.
So yeah, that's dumb.
That's so fun that I just got,
I like, I like fucked up into being strong.
I didn't try to do this. It just
happened great. Literally, literally brute strength. That's what they talk about it. Just
like, yeah, just a big guy got it, got it, moving away. You see a grunt of men at the gym
and you just let them. Okay. I want to close out. We got to close out this podcast. But
we got. So we have grunt of men. I want to close it out with what is the group of women
that's Kevin. It's Kevin. It's Kevin.
It's Kevin.
It's Kevin.
Oh, I never even started the fucking thing I started at the beginning.
I mean, that's the name of the game in his podcast, baby.
Yeah, that's the thing of it.
I wanted to pitch you guys a new idea, which is instead of New Year's resolutions, New
Year's revolutions.
Oh, here we go.
You're a revolt against yourself.
How are you getting worse this year?
It's fucking unavoidable.
All of us, we all get worse little by little.
And you don't think you do.
But you're starting to make noise.
Your knees are starting to make noise.
All right, so like it could be things
that are out of your control,
or it could be things that are in your control.
Like me, after this podcast,
I'm a sleep less, I think.
Hmm.
Interesting decision.
I'm trying to far leave my way out of it.
Well, if you like not sleeping,
I then revolt against yourself and sleep more.
I don't think you get the point.
No, I get the point.
Now I get it.
To the point is to get worse.
I can make a resolution that I'll sleep more.
But you don't want to.
I don't want to, but I.
So if you're going against something you want to do.
No, no, no, no, no.
Like I want to eat healthy, but I'm going to eat McDonald's, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's that weird like, oh, that guy's just getting older. Do you know what I mean?
There's a weird in-between world like,
and my hair is brown,
so I can't even do like the black hair
at cool salt and pepper look.
It'll just get slowly gray and just like,
oh, okay, like again, it'll be like,
if it sticks around, once it's like fully gray,
classic look.
It'll look like an anime villain.
Like, it'll look awesome. Gray hair, gray beard, very good look. And I like an anime villain. Like it'll look awesome. Um, great hair, great beard,
very good look. Um, and I can start wearing like Italian, like pleated pants and stuff. Oh, you
can start that now. In fact, I'm gonna. You should. That's the resolution to the revolution.
As I'll start like, yeah, looking like an Italian fashion icon. Yeah. Okay, I'm starting it now.
Yeah. Um, but yeah, so that's my revolution is like, I'm going to get greyer. That's nice. I'm going to start dying my hair silver. But like one strand at a time.
Just the edges. Just the temple. Start at the temples. That's where it starts. There you go. Although
mine, you know, it's really interesting. I'm starting like on your chin, right? It's a little bit
in the chin. I say like most dudes, especially with beards, they start graying around the mouth
and it goes up the beard. Mine started graying in the temples and is going down, which is like very atypical for
dudes like facial hair turning around.
You think it has anything to do with the fact that like I'm dying your hair?
Secretly while you sleep.
Yeah.
That's why he's not sleeping.
He's over at your house.
He's not always over at your house.
Rubber gloves every night.
Yeah. I'm always over at your house. Rubber gloves every night. To be able to do.
And I'm so tired, if so much hair left.
I'm just like your hands up my beard.
I'm like, oh, I had the weirdest dread last night.
It was being cradled.
Me too.
My resolution, oh, fine.
It's to be healthier.
And that's a wide ranging one. I am going to start sleeping better. I know you got
I'm only doing it because my partner said that if I die too young, that they're going to fucking hate me. Okay. So I
Still have to be trick to do it. I don't even fucking want to be here anymore and I'm doing it because I love people fuck you
Yeah, fuck you take it to them. I'm doing it for I don't know the greatest reason
Yeah, whatever
The thing that makes us human
You in connection
Yeah
And then my revolution is probably to get more hateful. I feel like I don't
Feel like I'm
For people in general general the flight
Flight you bitch come on
Deborah
Also
I'm gonna start yelling at people hey Justin
Justin cameraman Fuck you I'm just starting yelling at people. Hey Justin, Justin, cameraman, fuck you.
He didn't mean that. He didn't get enough sleep last night.
We got a tired, little baby.
I'm just a tyrant baby.
I don't got no sleep.
You just start behaving that way.
I'm not sleep.
It's just like, oh yeah, I got toddler brain.
Yeah, fuck you.
I feel like I don't hate enough.
I feel like all the hate that I have is fake.
I don't really get very bad.
You don't have to hate stuff.
It's actually quite good for you not to hate stuff.
Yeah, but again, the revolution is to be worse.
Okay.
It's to make you worse.
I feel like you're not getting the concept.
No, I get it.
I get it.
The concept is how are you going to
ruin your life this year? It would be very funny to me. I know since we were talking about
getting out there, it'd be very funny to me if you were like, think about getting worse,
is buying clothes that don't fit you, like buying clothes that are too small, just like looking demonstrably worse, just like, it's like, I already do that.
No, you, you, you, by close, you have a great fit
and like by close that actually fit you,
but I just like, I'd like to imagine you going,
no, I'm just, I'm blowing the whole fit out.
I'm just like not looking good at all.
I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm literally I'm far-legging it.
I'm doing the fat guy tiny jacket.
I'm gonna look a little jacket.
No, what I, I wasn't making a joke.
I mean, I literally will buy clothing
like from smaller brands who like don't have
great size charts or whatever.
And then I'll get it and go,
oh, I don't like this.
Back in the bag.
I guess I got it and you can't return it.
So it's either give it the fucking Wes
or work out a whole bunch. That's the only reason I want to get help these I got it and you can't return it so it's either give it the fucking west or
Work out a whole bunch. That's the only reason I want to get healthy is because I love people and because I want to fit in better clothes That's it actually there you go two great reasons
That's all you need and then I want to hate more because I got too much hate inside
I want to unleash it on the world
I think for like if you could do a thing if you're trying to like lose pounds like every pound loss
I think for like if you could do a thing if you're trying to like lose pounds It's like every pound loss
Equals one thing you're allowed to hate. Yeah. I feel like I got to learn what I want to hate like I feel like certain people
It's too like it gives them too much power. No, it should be like a general idea. Yeah like a race. No
No, not that like a religion of people. No like an orientation of people. No
Not that. Like a religion of people.
No.
Like an orientation of people.
No.
No.
No more, maybe like, I don't know, like the, I don't know.
Yeah, like plumbers.
Like plumbers, like, an association.
I thought you said I wasn't elected.
Are they race?
They like to think so.
Yeah, so yeah, that's mine.
What's yours?
Well, in the comments, just leave a suggestion
for what Armando should hate.
Yeah.
Like, please do not include
pre-sage-relitching.
Orientations.
I don't even like that.
That would constitute a hate crime.
You know what?
I think you need to go, I think you need to go
tie Lex on it.
You need to start hating Soaps Gum.
Just, I don't know.
I know every time I was like, it destroyed soap scum.
I just started thinking about cleaning products
and what they advertise as their effectiveness
translating to hate.
Like, this dialect hates soap scum.
It's gonna fucking kill soap scum.
Wow.
So now you're taking on the qualities of products
in the things that you hate.
I like that.
Yeah. You hate heart disease. That's why you're, I could take on the qualities of products. Okay. I like that. Yeah. I hate heart disease
That's why I could take on the qualities of different like like Chick-fil-A
No, okay. Hey, oh they hate sundaes like young. Oh, maybe they really love
Like Taco Bell
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no
No, a lot of people
This is a dumb bit that I don't want to be in anymore.
We can't just pull the rip cord on it.
Yeah, we're just going to go ahead and then I'm jumping out of the plane.
Yeah.
What's yours?
My revolution.
Yeah.
How you going to get worse?
I'm going to become harder to reach.
Oh, that's good.
That is so good.
Which I think is really good.
Makes people dislike me more,
but probably is good for me.
Good for no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's good.
That's very good.
I would argue, and I know we gotta end this.
I would argue that being harder to reach
makes people want you to like them more.
But I also am a people pleaser,
so I want people to know that I like them. But I think
I'm just too accessible all the time. I always have this phone on me, which I watch this thing
recently about how like if you have your phone, even at the dinner table, just here, even if it's
upside down, you're basically telling that person that this is my priority. Because if someone
calls or text me, I'm going right for this instead of the conversation we're in right now.
I try to not be on my phone.
I have it sometimes during the podcast episodes
because I'm like looking stuff up to the show.
I looked up that phrase that we were searching for either.
If you hate someone, eat something, if the world hates you,
I looked that up because I wanted to know
what the rest of the more.
So that's what I'm saying.
Being less accessible makes you more mysterious,
it makes you cooler, it makes people want to please you
as opposed to you wanting to please people.
Interesting.
I think that's a good one.
That's a good one.
That is a really good one.
In fact, I might steal them.
Yeah, please.
Cause that's how I'm getting worse.
I'm stealing more.
Ooh, that's really good.
Stealing ideas, stealing anything, hearts.
Mmm, that's good.
Well, someone watching just went.
Yeah, Collie Mob, baby.
Fuck up. Who, Collie, ma, baby. She's just like the fuck up.
Who's Collie?
That was bad.
Now you like it.
No, I did.
You liked it.
I hated it.
See, there we go.
He's on track.
All right, thank you so much for joining us everybody.
Again, if you want to help us support the show
that we make, you can go to theartypodcast.com slash first.
I pulled out a nose hair.
So I could get a little tear going.
So that I could tear up as I tell you,
you're the only reason that we get to do what we want to do.
You're making it sound insincere,
but that's actually.
Oh, yeah.
You're making it sound like pulling nose hairs out.
Hurts.
No, I'm imagining.
I'm not me.
Yeah, I was saying to the I own a version.
That was me, that was me whimpering.
Hey, if you want to support us making the shows
that you like and love,
you should go to drtpodcast.com slash first.
Becoming a first member is great.
We talked about it at the top of the episode
and you already know all that stuff.
And so yeah, just do it.
Come on, do it.
Do it. You jerk. Wait, no, hold come on, do it. Do it, you jerk.
Wait, no, hold on, I know we're psychology, do it
because it helps us out.
And yeah, and also like if you send it for first
for a whole year, there's like benefits and discounts
and stuff like that, it's pretty cool.
Yeah, it's awesome.
And go check out Sneaky Dragon Adventures
starring Barbara Dunkelman.
Yeah.
And also just Sneaky Dragon,
tailed from Sneaky Dragon in general,
our podcast still going strong
Still on the thick of camping too go check out and russus as Eddie
I'm in a couple episodes. Yeah, you're you're one of the villains
They keep making the villain are you one of the big bats? I don't know because if you were that'd be great
Because I would mean that stinky dragon makes all of their big bad villains Latino men
Which I think is great.
You were a big bad.
I was a big bad on the first one.
Yeah.
Maybe just means you guys are the best voice actors.
I can hear Micah racing.
You're fucking furious.
It's not it's I got to be clear.
It's a joke.
It's just a coincidence.
But yeah, don't check out that show.
I'm a voice on some of it.
And I'm also a voice on the cartoon.
Yeah. You're in episode seven. Yeah. Which will be out that show. I'm a voice on some of it. And I'm also a voice on the cartoon.
I did a-
You're in episode seven, which will be out by now.
You've got your fans.
Yeah, I loved, we talked about it
with the Blaine and Chris episode.
It was so fun.
So go check that out.
Go check out everything else.
I love you so much.
Happy new year.
Happy new year.
24.
We did it, baby.
24.
You know what?
I'm recording this in 2023.
It's still technically the last year.
I have, what day is it right now?
It's like the, the, the 12th.
I have a 19 days.
I could die.
Have a good one.
We'll see you next time.
Now this is where we put in memoriam.
Yeah.
I will remember. That's all we can play. Freeze frame, damn, damn put in memoriam. Yeah. I will remember.
That's all we can play.
Freeze frame, DMC history.
It's going to be so good with that plate crash.
No!
Hey, John here from Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
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