Rooster Teeth Podcast - My Teacher dated Jack in the Box! - #779
Episode Date: December 4, 2023Join the cast of the rooster teeth podcast as we travel back in time to discuss our Sonic fursonas and our teachers dating escapades. Would you rather date the voice or the body of Jack in the Box? L...earn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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I'm your poster, my tourist.
And joining me is always is.
The black box himself, Andrew Roses.
Oh, sorry.
And.
I don't know how to respond to that.
Oh, my God.
Oh, Christ.
If you were something on the plane, what would you be?
I would be Markey Mark stopping 9.11 from happening.
Yeah. I'm just saying it would have gone down differently.
I talked about this on an episode of Cold Podcast recently, but I want to start
then this is horrible, by the way, but I want to start doing the opposite of
Markey Mark and pointing at airplanes that did land safely and going,
it falls on that plane, it would have gone to. But not for terrorism.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Because I have to take a poopy so bad that I make them land in Cleveland.
Yeah.
All right.
Welcome to the RT podcast.
We have a great show for you.
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And there are so many great deals that are happening.
Our Black Friday deal that just passed was like buy one, get one free off of everything.
Nothing was excluded.
Or everything in the store just included in that sale.
Yeah, including like you could buy Eric Bedore. And they would give you a free
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Right now, if you're listening to this on Monday, you can get 35% off all tees.
All tees. That's great. So go ahead.
Long lapsing, Sushong. No, there's great. So go ahead. Long lapsing su-shong. No. There's shirts.
Wow. That was kind of fun.
See, I take 35% off of all my T's because I'm proud.
You do it because you're crop all your T-shirt.
Because you are incapable of wearing a shirt
without showing a little bit of mid-drift.
I'm also just short.
So we've established also that,
Griffin, I have opposite fizzy agame.
Like we have the opposite.
I have very short legs long torso.
She has long torso, short legs.
Mm-hmm.
Or, yeah, no, no, short torso long legs.
That's the opposite, yeah.
So.
Short torso long legs.
Yeah, but they're still relatively short.
Okay.
But proportionally, we have kind of the opposite thing.
It's just crazy that you're describing yourself built like, I don't know, a spider.
I'm built like a Sonic the Hedgehog game.
You built like a Jessica rabbit.
I built like Amy Rose.
Built different parentheses, derogatory.
Bad.
I'm built like knuckles.
I'm very, not a kid.
I'm built like Miles Tails Prower.
He's eight.
You know that.
I'm built like a Tonka truck.
Wait, he, I'm sorry, Miles, Miles Tails Prower. He's eight. Did you know that? I built like a Tonka truck. Wait, I'm sorry.
Miles.
Miles Tails, Prower.
He's how old?
Eight.
Who is that?
Tails from Sonic.
He's eight.
He's eight years old.
I don't have Sonic adventure battle.
But in Fox years, what is that like 32?
I don't know what either of you guys are talking about.
Never played Sonic Adventure 2 Battle. No, I only played the Sonic where you got the little,
yeah, I had to GameCube.
I played Shadow.
I played Shadow the Headshot.
That was the direct successor
because you meet Shadow and Sonic Adventure 2 Battle.
I just had a tree of life memory moment just now.
Of like, I mean earth shattering embarrassment.
Would you like me to share that with you?
Absolutely.
I literally have not thought about this memory
in 30 years.
Okay.
This is like seventh grade.
And I have, I'm a doodler.
I like to like doodle and draw cartoons.
I also, I was in, I was in English class,
whatever it doesn't matter.
I was in middle school, seventh grade.
And I was just like practicing writing my name
in a notebook, right?
So just like writing my name.
Were you writing your like signature
because you knew you're gonna be famous?
Yes, I was writing my signature,
exactly.
I was working on it.
And, because, oh, because, this is even better.
I had, I got, my grandmother got me a calligraphy pen.
So I was practicing like writing with like,
my name was like a calligraphy person.
I've always been this person.
And you've always been the answer.
Yes, but so I had been writing my name on this page
and I like stopped writing with a calligraphy pen
and picked up, you know, just a regular ballpoint
and was drawing Sonic.
Now I was drawing Sonic in the notebook
that also on the same page it also had my name. So it looked like I was drawing Sonic in the notebook that also on the same page, it also had my name.
So it looked like I was like drawing myself as Sonic
and the girl who was sitting behind me started laughing.
And I looked over over my shoulder
and she kind of turned away real quick.
And I am 99.9% sure.
She was like, this motherfucker is drawing a picture of himself as Sonic.
Yeah.
Did you have a Sonic son?
No, I didn't.
Okay.
This is great.
So Sonic sonas are like, what is this?
Okay.
It's your Sonic persona.
And you can look up right now.
You can go to your name and then Sonic, Sonia, or
even just Sonic, you're going to see one.
You'll find a fan art that people have made that are versions of them as their Sonic
zone.
My full Christian name.
No.
Well, I mean, you probably, you probably could.
And you can look it up.
And you're going to, you're probably telling yourself like there's no way. There's no way there's an Andrew Rosa Sonic character
until I looked up Armando Sonic, Sonnet, and found somebody who drew a character that
looks like knuckles wearing a sombrero. Oh, no, this is just a picture of me eating a
disgusting burger at a dog. Oh, no, wait. That that's most of Sonic hell. Yeah, dog. We'll
put that up in the video feed. This is great. Oh, that's, that's sick. Oh, that's awful.
That's, that's your, your son, your son, Sonna looks like they're about to go lose all
of their money at the gambling ring. Oh, yeah. Yeah. This, this, this, this son,
exo. And I mean, I didn't, I didn't fuck up and miss pronounced casino.
I met gambling ring gambling.
No, I know exactly.
Oh, man, this Sonic so now is definitely throwing shapes in the church of dance.
He's definitely on that big time.
My God.
Oh, that's a great.
Yeah, there's a lot of great.
There's a thing I was ahead of the curve doing a sonic sonar that's your men
Absolutely. I think well Griff is drawing their sonic sonar right now
Drawing Andrews. Oh, okay. Oh, that's actually worse. I haven't drawn one since the fifth grade
I think I did pretty good. It looks like a fifth grader drew it. I think I did pretty good
I was better in fifth grade actually really yeah look at that. Yeah
I I was better in fifth grade actually really yeah look at that. Yeah. Oh I I think that's pretty good. Oh, I forgot the draw the stomach
I'm gonna draw the belly circle belly circle belly. Okay. Hold on now. It's done. There we go
There I'm thinking tiny tail. There it is and the tiny tail tiny tail
It's absolutely necessary for memory first like this is basically with the roll shape right
That is a good I had 60 seconds to draw. Yeah, a It's absolutely necessary. I think this is good for memory first. Like this is basically what they're all shaped like.
That is a good, I had 60 seconds to draw.
Yeah.
A Sonic.
To draw my friend.
With no eraser.
As Sonic the Hedgehog.
With no eraser.
I have to be smoothing a calligraphy pen.
Yeah.
Like a like a child doey.
But yeah, there's like the,
there's one cool thing you can do with the calligraphy pen
And it's fight the British and that's it. It's been done. Yeah, you can't do anything else
You drew Sonic with a calligraphy pen. You can
Use it you write with the blood of your enemies
That is pretty cool, but I don't think you had many enemies when you were five
Oh, man, I'm seventh grade. I only have three mortal enemies.
Oh man, can't wait to drink a high-sea ecto cooler out of their skulls.
Yeah, coach Trace.
So we are recording this podcast episode a little bit after Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving was last week. And I wanted to tell you guys,
well actually I just wanted to tell Andrew about something that happened at Griff's Thanksgiving.
So Griff's mom was in town, which we talked about on a different episode of the podcast, right? And we all did a group Thanksgiving, and we all brought stuff.
And we invited some of the kids from BFT, from best friends today, who are here in
Austin, who were Sammie Carolyn will.
Yeah, they weren't going home for the holiday.
So we were like, Hey, you should come out here because Austin sucks.
And we can all, you, come out here because Austin sucks.
And we can all, you know, commiserate together.
So we invited Sammy to come out, who agreed to come out.
Sammy showed up four hours late, four hours late to Thanksgiving dinner has already happened.
We were done.
We were all turkey in the fruit cold in the fridge.
Turkey gone.
Turkey gone.
No turkey.
Turkey absolutely decimated.
We were at the part of Thanksgiving with gay Thanksgiving
where people we watched Glee and not episodes of Glee clips of Glee.
We were going reminiscing about the worst parts of Glee.
And then we started remembering the really good parts that kept us.
It's fucking, it's hard to reminisce when you haven't seen the show.
Sure.
We had a half-time show.
We did have a half-time show, because it was all musicals.
I made Griff put on a half-time show of Marcian Lynch clips.
Both of him doing football stuff and just giving interview.
My favorite interview ever of Marcian Lynch talking about, sometimes you just got to run
through a motherfucker face over and over and over and over and over and over and over and
over and over and over.
God, that's so funny.
Yeah, sometimes you just got of run into him with fucker face.
So we were watching Glee.
Sammy shows up during this and brought mac and cheese, which was one of the things that
had already been covered that we had three of them at that point.
Yeah, it will.
Yeah, we had three basically.
I'm sorry.
If you show up four hours late togiving, you have to lean into the bit
and you should show up with a bib and fork and knife.
Just like, me, honey, where food.
Yeah, this is my favorite part.
Here's what he did.
Sammy shows up four hours late,
brought mac and cheese.
A tray, right?
No, in a Ziploc, in like a...
He had caught in his loose hand.
Loosen his cup to hands. Like a, like a, like a tupperware. Yeah. Like a tupperoc, in like a... He had caught in his loose hand. Like, losing his cup to hands.
Like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a,
like a, like a, like a, like a normal size.
It was leftovers.
Yeah.
He brought leftover mac and cheese,
because there is a, it's also not like brimming with mac and cheese.
No.
It was like a thin layer of mac and cheese.
Of mac and cheese.
With a lot of surface area of top or where it lies.
Yeah.
And then got himself a plate, loaded it with his own mac and cheese.
He did it up at the microwave, ate the plate of his own mac and cheese, and then left.
He also offered none.
Offered none to nobody.
To anyone.
And then left, taking his mac and cheese with it with all.
And nothing else.
This is insane. Yeah. Oh, I thought even the nothing else. This is insane.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought even the craziest thing he did that night.
Well, first of all, how old is Sammy?
Sammy is 20.
Okay.
All is forgiven because that is extremely 20 year old behavior.
Yeah, that was actually the thing that I talked about with Sammy the very next day is the
fact that this was, so this was his first time ever going to
a grown-up non-family Thanksgiving party or dinner.
And before that, he went to an executive at the company,
went to their house for Thanksgiving,
and basically was like, yeah, we showed up,
and we expected it to be like a regular family
Thanksgiving where you show up for 15 minutes and then you go to the next Thanksgiving.
But it was this executive, their wife, their child, and then their wife's mother.
End of list of people.
That's a real separatist Thanksgiving.
Oh, man, I'd rather be Joe Pesci thinking this game.
I'd rather show up and be shot in the back then.
If I show up to a Thanksgiving party
and there's four people there,
I hope are you killing me?
Yeah. Oh, no.
Pound.
Stuff.
Layla starts playing.
Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds like one of the worst things.
So that's why Sammy was four hours late.
It's because there was no good time to leave.
Oh, just being held socially hostage by an executive.
That is so fucking funny.
And by the way, like truly, like,
if there was no good reason,
and aside from just being 20,
because again, that just feels like 20 year old,
20 year old behavior.
I lost track of time, smash cut to Overwatch two.
And that would be fine.
But the fact that yeah, there was just like, just like sitting like, like, like, burning a hole
in your shoes at an executive house, just like staring. It's already a little awkward. Yeah, yeah.
But my favorite part is connecting all the dots together
Sammy told me that he might bring cookies to Griff's
Thanksgiving dinner, okay, and then on the day of told me that he actually wasn't able to make the cookies He wasn't bringing cookies, okay, and then an hour before he was supposed to come to our Thanksgiving, right around the
time he would have arrived at the executive's house for the, the creepy Thanksgiving, texted
me, actually, I'm good to bring Mac and cheese package secured.
So I think he stole Mac and cheese from the other things giving out question.
We got brought here. He could just not brought anything. Anything. and cheese from the other things giving out question. Without question. Without question.
What?
He, because he's just not brought in anything.
Anything.
He could have brought nothing and taken food with him
and it would have been less weird.
I'm telling you.
The worst part was because he, so he showed up to
Griff's mom's Airbnb.
Yes.
Showed up to a black mom's Thanksgiving and said,
oh, no, actually, I'm not gonna eat any of your food.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own.
I brought my own. I brought my own. I brought my own. I brought my own. I brought my own. I brought my own. I brought my own. flamed. It's because you did not eat the food provided. The two ends of that spectrum of that interaction is what he did
and that the other complete opposite end is what Laurel did,
which is she brought stuffing, not dressing. My family has
dressing. She brought stuffing. She was like, I brought dressing.
It's the only thing I know how to make. She put it out. She made a
plate. She sat down. She took a bite of what my mom made and she
came over to me and she said, I'm going to put it away. There's no need for it. This is the best thing I've tasted. I'm sorry I even brought it.
I'm putting it in the fridge. I'm going to throw it away when I get home.
That's because if you're making dressing or stuffing and only making that,
you're missing a king ingredient, which is drippings from the turkey.
From the turkey. That is an essential ingredient. So you cannot do one without the other. The person making the turkey has to be, yes, it has to. The people are making the turkey in the stuffing. That is an essential ingredient. So you cannot do one without the other.
The person making the turkey has to be, yes,
the people are making the turkey
all starts to make the stuffing.
Sorry, I have them as a rules.
I have an added piece of context.
It makes that story so much better.
Let's go.
I did not know that Laurel did that to you
because Laurel also came up to me like,
like I'm reading a child's book to a class
and a second tower's been hit.
Yeah, and whispers in my ear,
hey, you probably shouldn't eat the stuffing
that I brought.
It's really not the vibe.
You should actually go and get that dressing.
And then it went on to the next person
and did it to the next one.
Which means that Laurel made the rounds
to everyone in the party.
I apologize.
Interpersonally, that everyone for bringing stuff in.
A personal apology.
That is incredible.
Tailored to each person.
I would have been like, that's so, that's so Laurel.
Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, I'm gonna need you to accidentally
knock my drink out of my hand into the stuff
that I brought.
I'm gonna need you to help me accidentally ruin my stuff.
Gotcha, and then I take your glass of wine
and fucking spike it into the stuff.
Yeah, absolutely.
Man. And so speaking of, like bringing like honestly in in Samy's case, it's honestly better
to bring nothing than to bring like the saddest corner of mac and cheese from someone else's
party because I was just about to say, oh, because he's 20 because in that scenario, you
have nothing else to bring.
Wine.
Get a bottle of wine. It's, I know because he's 20, but again,
in this scenario, if that is the thing,
you're like, I don't have time to make anything,
I made something, it sucked ass.
Whatever, the move is booze.
You bring some sort of wine or alcohol or something like that.
Always appreciated.
And that's the best part about it.
Even if it goes untouched,
you're gonna enjoy that sometime.
Take it home.
Yeah, I'm not gonna go
to a broth the best mashed potatoes I've had in my life, I think.
Boom.
Boom.
That's what he brought.
I'm not gonna, it was the best.
I've never had.
It's very good.
It's the thing that I've learned about mashed potatoes
and actually cooking anything really
is that if you just learn a couple of phrases of stuff
that you do in cooking normally
and use them to describe the food that you've brought.
It automatically elevates it.
Yes.
I said, this is my mashed potato puree with garlic, corn, and infused oil.
It was very rosemary.
Yeah.
All that means is I put olive oil and garlic and rosemary, and I cooked that until it was done,
and then I put it in the potatoes when I matched them.
And it looked like that,
but it tasted amazing.
It was incredible.
It was really good.
It's very good.
I'm not joking.
I love these potatoes.
They're, my partner always says that I can fuck up potatoes.
Like it's a positive way.
Yeah, like in the ethnic way, where it's positive.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
I love making stuff with potatoes.
I love, I love roasting potatoes.
But my favorite thing to make as like a side dish
that you can just do so easily is, you know,
parboiling your potatoes so that they're soft.
And basically almost mashed on the inside.
And then you bake them or like pan fry them
so that they're really crispy on the outside
and just like so fluffy and good on the inside.
Yeah.
Cover those in like butter, rosemary, spices, et cetera.
It's really good.
Have you ever had anything's baked potato?
Any what?
Anything's baked potato.
Anything's baked potato. It's a it's a food truck in
Oh, no, yeah, I drive by it and I'm always like
Big potato weather it's real big potato weather
I might fuck with the big potato if I made a stew. Did you guys have some? Yeah, absolutely
I got fucking a mouth on a heart, don't I?
Yeah, I can't finish a stew by myself.
No, I'll fuck up a stew like I'm a prisoner.
All right, I'm gonna make you get some stew.
Absolutely.
It's stew weather.
It's stew weather.
It's just weather.
With vegetables in the stew is somehow hotter than the stew.
Oh, how is that possible?
How is the carrot and the potato like a coal from the fires of hell?
I don't know what it is about the structural integrity of a carrot that makes it able to be 100 degrees hotter than any piece of meat that you eat.
Yeah, or even the liquid in the stew it is cooking in.
But boy, have I burned my tongue?
100%.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
We'll fuck up a stew.
Yeah.
And I'll bring a bottle of wine.
I appreciate that. I'm pretty tough. Have you ever been to Ireland? No. Absolutely, we'll fuck up a stew. Yeah, yeah, and I'll bring a bottle of wine
Yeah, have either you've been to Ireland
No, like barb and Trevor
Scottland no, I would love to go to the motherland though, so
It's really me too is someone who can fuck up potatoes
Well, that's so funny. It's like I've never been to Ireland either my uncle went there last year and he was like
Yeah, you know, you don't think you're gonna have the best pet, like how much better could a potato get?
Yeah, it's a petita.
You think you've had, and he's like 70.
So he's like, so he's like, he's like,
he's had potatoes.
And he was like, yeah, they made the life-changingly good
potatoes there.
And it's like, how is that,
and I wanna know how that's possible,
but again, they had thousands of years to perfect it.
It's the famine.
Except that makes it actually the famine.
But then they knew how to make them really good,
because they were like,
we might never have any potato again.
But I just, like, now I gotta go.
Because to be 70 and be like, last year,
I had the best potatoes I've ever had in my life.
Let's get facetimed before it.
Yeah, sure.
We'll go.
They still owe you.
They still owe me a trip.
Yeah.
Take me to the motherland.
We have.
So in case you're wondering what we're talking about, by the way, there was a cooking show
that Richard Teeth made called trucked up.
Yeah.
That Griff and I were a part of and Griff actually won.
Somehow.
Yeah.
I did not see that for myself.
I've never won.
I'm usually actually voted off first in R.T.
productions.
Last laugh.
Yeah.
Campage.
Was that a dog?
What?
Never mind.
Campatrial.
Not first, but pretty early on.
I don't survive.
No.
So when he was not real, real horror movie.
Yeah.
What's the, what are the opposite of the final girl?
I guess black person or comic relief. That's usually when I get voted out. Well, what's the episode of the final girl? I guess black person or
comic relief that's usually when I get voted out. Well, black lesbian gone gone.
Gone. Oh, unless it's the screen reboots. Unless it's the screen
reboot. And then it's a Galatina gone gone. Gone. No longer no longer supporting
those. Jesus. Yeah glass or whichever it's by
glass, get fucked by glass.
The reason that Griff didn't get voted out is because there was no voting out on
trucked up.
You were just voting.
There was voting up.
And I won on the Mulligan.
Yeah.
Well, I won on the Mulligan.
Sure.
It was out of potato dish.
Uh, I think the last voting, you guys making a joke.
Points instead of one.
Oh, because it's
all again. Yeah, it's an old one. Yeah. Yeah. And so the prize for that is a trip to a food
truck anywhere in the world. And I've not gotten that.
Griffin I regularly keep pressuring face jam to take us to different food trucks at different
countries. We have an email thread that just we pipe into like one so
month, that's just like, hey guys, I just wanted to get this.
But we still have, we still doing this is it, is it, is it,
can we, because we found a place?
Yeah.
And I, please, I think one of the main reasons they haven't
done it is because there hasn't been any asking for follow-up
from the fan base.
Yeah.
So I feel like if you tell face Jim right now.
DM Eric Bedouard right now.
DM Eric Bedouard that he has to take us to Germany.
Please, I want to go to Berlin.
We want to go to Berlin.
I want to go to Berlin just so I can buy my favorite
Lelabo cent.
What is it?
Oh, I know.
Cidrat 36.
What does that smell like?
It's like a citrus and ginger.
Interesting.
Very good.
It smells like a grenade outside of a car.
No, no, no, no, that's all.
That's all.
That's Ferdinand.
That's the archduke scent.
Well, you said it was better than what I was going to say.
What I said was not even a joke.
You said it was better than what I was going to say.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
I wanted to talk about this earlier when you brought it up
But one of my favorite parts about being a recently 21 year old man
Going to grown-up parties especially when you live a life like I do where all your friends are comedians and entertainers
You will hit a critical point where all of you have figured out the rule that you can just buy a bottle of wine
And you will show up to a potluck point where all of you have figured out the rule that you can just buy a bottle of wine
and you will show up to a potluck where no one has brought food and everyone has bought wine.
And it's all the same wine because you all went to the same liquor store and bought the cheapest
bottle of wine.
That was one mile away from the place that you're going to.
You ever been to a buffet of the barefoot?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, with college.
I wanted we have 19 bottles of 19 crimes.
Wait, this is the wine that we had.
Of course.
That is the wine that we had.
Of course, because actually 19 crimes, one of the better cheaper ones.
Is it?
It is really good.
It was pretty tasty.
Well, I've heard that there's actually rumblings of a 20th crime.
Oh.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Is it future crimes?
It's future crimes. Yeah. I
self myself in a bathtub of 19 crimes and then a ping pong ball. And it was blue,
which means that murdered somebody. Um, we you go first. I think we're gonna say the same thing.
We were against. I was gonna talk about my drink of choice. I was gonna talk about your drink of choice. Yeah, okay.
So, you wanna hear you, T.A. Okay, so we had the inside gaming kids come
and they brought stuff,
Blizzard and Apple Crisp,
B.K. brought enough alcohol for an army
that really neither are morale boosts.
Yeah.
And in that was a special request from Armando,
which was Twisted T.
Twisted T, baby.
So what she brought though, it was not just twisted tea.
She brought a 12 pack case of the variety pack.
So there's like flavors.
And again, Mando is the only person who drinks these.
Yeah.
My family doesn't drink also, by the way.
So my family does not drink alcohol.
Sure. I did notice that when every time I cracked open a twisted tea,
your sisters would look at me and pure disgust.
Yeah. Yeah. My good Christian family doesn't drink.
I do, but they don't. But how?
Well, hold on. I hate to because, well, actually, no,
because they said this in front of their mom.
One of your sister's drinks.
Mm.
Not in front of our mom.
A real record scratch moment for that.
But not in front of our mom.
No, no, no, did not drink at the party, but-
Not allowed to drink in front of my mom.
After the, that's the same rule that my dad has,
but he's an alcoholic, so he will just pass out.
No, my parents just, they're like,
it's disrespectful or whatever.
I get it.
I get it.
This is the same thing my dad says.
It makes no sense, but I get the logic behind it.
Yeah, but then I was, it. But then it was my city though.
So I was like, I'm gonna have wine.
I'm not gonna eat drunk, that's crazy.
You also, you snuck it behind your mom.
Every time your mom would turn around,
I was just gonna go, I was just fucking down.
Yeah, like a fucking hamster.
Oh, I'm so sorry, site tangent.
The night before, or the night before that,
I don't know, I took my mom on my mom's sisters
on what was basically a sober bar crawl
for them to all my favorite places in Austin.
Terrible.
No, my mom got, oh, I made my mom do a bandarish shot.
Oh, lovely.
Yeah, so she did do a bandarish shot with me at Perlas
and she did have one cocktail at Garage,
but I basically took her to all the cool
Speekiesies I like to go to.
Sure.
And a Christmas bar and then like...
Lolas?
Uh, the Firehouse one.
Oh, okay.
And then we were gonna go to Miracle and Fifth,
but they got sleepy at like 9.30 and I was like, that's fair.
Sun still up.
You did have one alcohol beverage, so I understand that.
Yeah.
But yeah, so I'm sorry, I just want to say that.
No, it's fine.
She did drink an alcohol and I did have alcohol in front of her. So. This is to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to I'll actually take these with me because me and my three friends are going to a party next week
and this will be perfect.
So they are going to each have one-
It's so true.
One-seltzer.
And that they are going, she was talking like,
dude, we're gonna get so lit.
Honestly, that tracks, because I can't add all
to that much either.
I'm a cheap date.
Two drinks and I'm dullin'.
But that's because you got the SSRI cheat code. Yeah. Oh, well,
but you try and makes one beer feel like five. It's awesome. Yeah, it's incredible.
I was damn, got to fucking multiply it. Oh, I know.
Multiplier for sure. These, yeah, built in. It's awesome. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like whenever you take your SSRI, go drink. It gets like hearing the
star song from Mario. Yeah. Except you, except even though I've been taking it
every single day for three years, every
time I go drinking and I have like a cider, I'm like, why am I so fucking tips right now
every single time?
And then like two hours later, I'm like, oh, it's because I'm medicated.
Yeah.
It's because I'm trying to be mentally well.
Meanwhile, the like, sooty, titanic coal shoveler in your liver. It's like God stop it. Yeah
That's the thing I won't no
Five Roman five Roman coaks I'm belligerent. Yeah over an eight hour period that's through the night
Those are not
consecutive I
Drink all of the twisted I watched I drank all 12 of the twist the teas I had a couple glasses of wine
I go did you into doing it as well. Yeah. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I was I was doing I was doing that thing. They didn't back to the future where I just kept calling you like chicken
Yeah, you just go give me a can give me a can of twisted double fisting the raspberry in the half and half because the raspberry tastes
It's so bad. Yeah, so they were flavored differently. Of course, there's what like pass out punch, table flip, tropical,
vegetation line.
Yeah, vegetation line.
Visitation line was so good.
Yeah, the different flavors that they had were peach,
raspberry, and half and half.
Like half and like lemonade.
Yeah, okay.
So it makes sense to you.
Yeah, that's what I thought it was. I thought it was half and half. Like half and like lemonade. Yeah, okay. So it makes sense to you.
That's what I thought it was.
I thought it was half and half flavor.
You thought you was gonna get like a fucking boba tea.
Yeah.
Twisted tea.
Oh my god.
A boba, twisted tea would be god awful.
Or it would be incredible.
Have you seen the Jack in the box, boba?
No, what?
Jack in the box sells boba now.
Why?
What is it?
It's, okay.
So boba, as we all know, is milk and tea and tapioca pearls.
Yeah.
So the first half, I feel like hard to fuck up black tea, milk.
And then they give you a packet of boba pearls
to like put into it that are chalky.
I've heard of food critics calling it on the front to God.
Yeah. On the bomination.
And honestly, I don't know how we let it get this bad.
I think we should have stopped them when they started selling tacos.
And now I feel like they're just going down the list.
I can't wait for the Ume mochi to be at fucking Jack in the box.
I mean, Jack in the box has always been the place that just like swings.
It's like one of the restaurants that's taking swoon.
Boba, Boba places don't have good boba sometimes.
Jack in the box truly is, in my opinion, the fast food equivalent It's like one of the restaurants that's taking swamies. Well, Boba, Boba places don't have good boba sometimes.
Jack in the box truly is, in my opinion, the fast food equivalent of a cheesecake factory,
where they say, we'll do it all.
You go, what kind of food is Jack in the box?
And they have to say American because there is no other discrepation.
No, yeah, exactly.
It's, they've got burgers, they've got tacos, they've got chicken sandwiches, they've
got mini tacos, they've got churros, they've got burgers, they've got tacos, they've got chicken sandwiches, they've got mini tacos,
they've got churros, they've got,
what other shit do they have?
They have every,
Jack in the box is like, you know what you go?
Egg rolls, holy shit.
They've got churros, yeah.
Jack in the box is like,
you know what you go to look a really fancy restaurant
and like you order something and they go,
this is our take on X.
That's what Jack in the box is, derogatory. They're like, this is our take on X. That's what Jack in the Box is, derogatory.
They're like, this is our take on the taco and you're like,
oh.
This is a deconstruction of a taco
and it's me y'all thinking in the bathroom.
Jack, yeah, Jack in the Box is that version
if they did the project the night before it was just you.
Yeah.
Here's an egg roll.
Oh God, fuck egg rolls are due tomorrow, shit.
Fuck, just stuff, everything in that fucking paper and I'm afraid I don't know this for a fact
But I know for a fact that the taco shell and the egg roll shell are the same
Exactly. There's a shame without question
Yeah, and then they and then they soak in water and they ball it up
And that's gonna make the boba tapioca pearls. I was gonna say that it's probably just like the grease trap
Whatever gross shit
Jack in the boxes like if you told Griff,
hey, you have five seconds to draw a burger
with a colored pencil.
What can you do?
And then it's back.
There it is.
Yeah, exactly.
I suppose his name is, he's Jack the head.
He's Jack.
He's Jack box.
Box the hedgehog.
Did I ever tell you guys that when I was in the fifth grade,
my teacher was dating the Jack in the box guy.
No one would that have ever come up.
I don't know, I feel like I talk about it a lot. Um, I, you guys don't remember what I look wistfully off in the distance. Yeah. We're
counting. Fucking C wife. Fucking sailors. Wife tale of a first of all, my fifth grade teacher was
fucking awesome. I remember she got in trouble because one year, uh, or one week, we got a field trip
to go to a quake game, which is like a minor league baseball team.
Sure. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, but it does sound very hockey.
Yes. The quakes. And they're in like, men of fee or something.
They're in an unincorporated territory in California.
Yeah. They could technically the quakes could succeed. That's right.
So she took us to a quakes game and she got fucking lit.
Hell yeah. She was also on the trip. She was fucking Modelo. She forgot. I remember that
one of the other teachers had to walk with her to the parking lot and she was gone for like
three, like a long time. In my mind, it was three hours, but that doesn't sound right.
Not for a baseball game, but she came back right at the end and then was driven home by somebody else,
which is tough luck. She tells you here, bro. Honestly, yeah.
T-shirt is a fucking year.
It's the first time I ever respected a teacher. I'll tell you that much.
You guys watch a movie the next day.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man, guys, get ready ready for remember the Titans. The ultimate watching
the ultimate teacher hung over. We watched their back. The dinosaur. The dinosaur. I'll
never forget because I like that whole week was just so good. It was incredible. Also, I
just realized the the funniness of her playing their back while
she's so back, baby. She's never been more back. Anyway, she was dating the Jack in the box guy and
we could not figure out if it was the voice or the body. Yeah. And we would try to figure out which
one was better. Which one was like, is it better to date the voice
of the Jack in the Box guy?
Or the body of the Jack in the Box guy?
Because the body you get nothing.
Even if without the mask, I don't know who the fuck you are.
No, no, but the voice.
But the voice?
You mean the body guy in suit.
That is all, yeah.
That's pretty good.
So what she, she had a picture on her
desk of the Jack in the box character that was signed with a personal message on it. And
I always thought that was so funny. Like because he looks like a president in the picture.
He's just wearing suit. He's on a desk and it's like, hey, baby, I love you. I love how much you get fucked up at Quake's.
Thanks for letting me jack in that box.
Hey, baby, I love how much you take that taco size.
Oh, Chris, Chris done. No, I just, because I I went I went more wholesome with my bed
My bed was your teacher drunk at the game being like I don't need this job my boyfriend Jack
In the box my boyfriend Jack in the box. Okay, let's get you
Sounds like the raping is a little bit
Okay, let's get you my boyfriend Jack in the boyfriend jacking the box. Okay, all right.
We don't need to know the details.
I know we got to move on it.
I'll just say this.
I did not realize until this moment
that if you are just a slim guy,
you could tell everyone you're the body of Jack in the box.
Yes.
And all it's going to take is a signed picture of you.
Correct.
Yeah, baby. Hey, baby. Correct. Yeah.
Hey, baby.
Hey, baby.
Oh my God.
Well, leave a comment with your jack in the box.
Pick a blind below this video.
We're going to leave a little bit of a poll for you
if you're listening here on Spotify, where you can tell us
whether you think my fifth grade teacher was dating the voice
or the body of Jack in the box.
His last name is in the box.
Yeah, yeah, in the box. His last name is in the box.
Yeah, in the box. It's a million. Well, it's mixed. It's American, Mexican, Asian,
it was in the box, but they changed it.
It's how dare you steal my favorite bit. Yeah, we have a new thing on Spotify that are
called polls where we are able to, you know, get questions to you.
And then you answer them.
Recently, I talked about going to New York and almost shitting my pants to which our producer
Tyler asked you guys a question, how often have you pooped yourself?
And the answers are in, in first place, with 34.2% of the votes, one to two times.
That's insane.
One to two times.
That's absolutely insane.
That's incredible.
What life are you living?
Second place, 26.3% of the vote never came.
That was crazy.
That's what I voted.
Yeah, that's not even, that's, it's second place.
You're outnumbered and out shit.
I honestly hate that.
Third place with 23.7% of the vote. Very close to the
second answer. That's what's crazy is that first place. First place. One to two steady lead over
second and third. That's so that's too high. Third place answer is three to five times. My three to
five boys stand up. All right. Yeah, not quickly. Stand up in a cold sweat panic and then shuffle out of the room.
Oh my God. Then we have with 10% of the vote more.
And with an added bonus from Tyler to go see a doctor.
Yeah, truly. The IBS warriors of America have made their voices.
And finally, with four votes, five to eight times.
Five to eight times.
Yeah, that's a, you need to see a gastroenterologist.
Nope.
All right.
Thank you so much for admitting that you shit yourself.
Please go answer the polls because they're super fun.
And I didn't know that we could do this.
That's fun though.
It's incredible.
So just like those people with their gastrointestinal problems
or my fifth grade teacher, everyone needs help.
And we're going to do it for you with RT cares.
TETRO
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good times. This episode of the Rooster Teeth podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. My family has
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Hello and welcome to RT Cares. The segment where we take your very valid questions and turn them into extremely dumb answers. Today we have a question. Hi RTP, I just got into a relationship.
My girlfriend and I have been together for less than a month and now Christmas is coming.
This is kind of my first grown-up relationship and I'm wondering, do I get her a Christmas
gift?
And if so, how big of a gift?
Ooh.
I know this is your first girlfriend because you referred to her as your girlfriend after
a month.
Yeah.
That is a wild behavior.
Yeah.
That is like, I mean, that's someone you're seeing.
Well, okay.
Hold on.
Well, unless you guys both went, do you want to make this official?
No.
Are you gonna slouch him?
They definitely, because they said
this is my first grown up relationship,
they definitely said,
are we boyfriend girlfriend now?
Yeah.
They in bed with somebody said,
are we boyfriend girlfriend now?
Should I do DTR, right now?
Huh?
Should I do DTR right now?
DTR?
Yeah.
What is that?
Define the relationship.
Oh, boom. You're not gay and it shows.
You never, you're not gay and it ships. No, let's get a temp check on this
relationship situation. No, no, no, no, no. I, uh, I'm, I'm, the, the, the gayest I get is that the
moment I think you like me, I call you hall to get a price check.
I date like Lesbian still, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, women, they women up to type.
Yeah, this, that is exactly my type.
We had a nickel every time you dated a Lesbian musician
from Pittsburgh, or Philly.
Is it Philly?
You have two nickels, which is not a lot.
You have enough nickels to buy a Subaru and a chicken coop.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
I don't know.
I was getting fucking roasted.
That's awesome.
I'm incredible.
Sorry.
Anyway, if you're a fucking gay musician, hit me.
I'm like, yes.
Yeah, I think this is a good question.
A great question.
Because I never know when the right time is to start.
Like, when do you start buying gifts?
I that's it. Well, okay. Would you give me a gift though like a like a actual gift?
Not a gift for no reason. I don't mean like a like okay one month in is too soon for like an
anniversary gift. Never do that fucking like we've been dating for a month so we got you something special.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, very hardly nowhere. Yeah, I don't do that, but like, this is one of the hardest times where like,
okay, I cannot tell you how many times I have started dating somebody right before
their birthday.
Oh, do that happen.
Do the same.
Yeah, I think it's because it's a statistical impromptu ability, but yeah, it's so high,
just like him and the less beings.
Okay, come on. Two musicians from the same city who you were the last
stop before lesbianism for both of them and also you help them with their
it's weird that it happened twice. And the Spotify keeps recommending one of
them all the time. Well, yeah, that's the famous one. Yeah, the real famous one.
Instagram algorithms like you should check her out.
It's pretty insane how, yeah, I've, there's a,
look, I've dated a lot of musicians before
and two of them, and this isn't even one of the gay ones.
It's two of them are incredibly famous
and it hurts my heart whenever I am like arm over the shoulder with somebody
and we're talking and we're vibing and then if song comes on and I'm like, fuck.
One of her songs came on when I was like picking up from the airport one time on just like
a Spotify suggested.
Isn't that fun?
Yeah.
It's so fucking.
Isn't that a super fun thing?
That's a super fun thing for like your like, your life.
Yeah.
It's also my favorite part about it is that it's two different,
completely different vibes.
Oh, yeah.
One of them is famous to people like me and Griff,
where like you would hear it on like a chill music vibe playlist.
It comes on, it's just this beautiful voice
with these like chill beats.
Sure.
And then the other one is famous to my grandmother.
Okay. Who consistently keeps asking me like, Hey, are you still in contact with blank?
No, grandma. No, no, no, they're on a world tour right now. Grandmother.
You did it, Taylor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like Kelsey, but I never talk about it.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So many different times, I've dated,
and it sounds like you both have two,
and it might just be a common occurrence.
Dating, starting to date somebody
right before their birthday.
My idea is there is something that you can see on somebody
when the confidence of them realizing
they're a year closer to death.
Is it confidence?
Or is it the earth shattering realization
that another year has passed and here you are?
And that's what have you done then?
What have you accomplished, what have you done?
And then you swoop in.
And then we swoop in because we're,
that's the only time we can thrive.
Yeah.
Is when you have to settle.
Exactly. As when the have to settle. Exactly.
Is when the like...
Funny enough.
It's after you've splashed cold water in your face
and you're taking stock.
I'm just realizing, yeah,
the existential crisis is like the hunting ground
for a silly goose.
Yeah, that's...
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh oh no.
Oh no.
People be realizing things and we're right there.
We're right there.
We're just like a little candy heart that says distract me from mortality.
Oh no.
Okay.
Well, this is taking a turn.
Let's just spin it.
Well, if we just talked about Christmas
instead of my last two relationships.
Oh, so let me, let me,
let me speak a swoop again.
Let me swoop in here and say that like,
so in terms of gift giving,
I honestly think like, I start,
the second I start dating someone,
I like, gift giving is like just part of the deal.
Yeah, I'm like a crow.
I truly like, here's some shiny rocks.
I'm like a crow.
I'm like a crow. Yeah, here's some tinfoil bits. So, but no, I mean, there's never, here's the deal. Yeah, I'm like a crow. I truly like here are some shiny rocks. I'm like a crow. Yeah,
here's some tinfoil bits. Um, so but no, I mean, there's never, here's the thing. They're, I
I will truly believe like here, start to date someone. And you are thinking about them. I'm not
seeing like get them a, you know, you know, nothing crazy. Nothing. Nothing. Get them a shiny rock.
I know this. Your couch is kind of like you're like, you, oh, you said something and how you hate
your couch. Get them a new couch. Psychotic for like a month of dating. But you're like, oh, you said something and how you hate your couch. Get a new couch, psychotic for a like,
that's the first month of dating.
But it's like, oh, I like, oh man,
I really wanna get this like record on vinyl
because I have never had like a better one.
It's like, get a more record on top.
Like that's like, here's the nice thing
because people like, people like to be thought about it,
especially if you're referring to this person
and your girlfriend.
Then I think it's totally within the reason to,
honestly, that was a gay,
you like, I don't give gifts for no reason.
This is Christmas is coming up.
Perfect time, if you've been dating a month,
something small, a gesture.
I think the things are like,
oh, I'm thinking about you, I considered you.
It's not a new couch,
but maybe it is a vinyl record of a pressing
that you really like.
Like, $100 or less for sure.
Yeah, $100 bucks or less.
Yeah, $100 bucks for us.
I'm gonna give you,
I'm gonna give all of you some free game. Okay.
First of all, this is, you've come to the scumbag portion of the advice column.
I'm either romantic, you're the scumbag question.
Yeah, I hate gifts.
Gift giving is not my love language.
I hate it.
If we want to get serious about it for one second, it's because I have people in my family
that show their love by giving gifts,
and it's like tied to monetary stuff,
and it's always conditional.
I remember one year I didn't go visit,
like one year as an adult,
I didn't go visit certain family for Christmas,
and they made it a point to tell me
that they had returned my Christmas.
That's actually insane.
That's an insane thing to do. That's actually an insane thing to do. That's actually an insane thing my Christmas. That's actually insane. That's an insane thing.
That's actually a thing that's been in insane.
That's actually an insane thing.
Especially because the reason I missed it wasn't because I was going with other families
because I was working extra so that I could save up money and buy my family gifts for
the first time.
A real one story.
That's one story.
Yeah, the gift of the match.
Thank you.
Yeah. The you. Yeah, but instead of poems, it was Cortez shoes and an embroidered fucking giant hat that I got
from my father.
Anyway, very weird.
Like I don't like gifts.
Gifts are not your thing.
It always makes it feel like.
No, we're gift.
Transaction.
Yeah, I don't like them.
I do like doing things together.
Access service. Oh, quality time't like them. I do like doing things together. Access service, oh quality time.
Quality time, quality time.
And so like as gifts, what I will do, okay,
one year what I did for my partner was,
I think it was for Valentine's Day,
I made them a playlist.
I picked out a bunch of songs that I thought were really good
and were in the vibe that they would like.
And then I also like, I didn't just make it
into a Spotify playlist, I went like old school
tape deck cassette thing and like got all the songs on there,
but also went to YouTube and other archives
and found like old parts of radio shows
so that it sounded like it was.
You were on a dial or recording it off
of like taping it off the radio or anything.
And I basically did like a DJ set and it was really sweet
and it was the, I gave them this thing
and they said that it was the sweetest thing
that anyone has ever done for them.
That cost me no money and took me just time.
That's all it took, was a little bit of time.
Recently I was talking with,
or not talking with, I saw a post from a mutual friend
of ours who was on an episode of RTP in the past,
the comedian, who posted the story about how
when they got engaged to their husband
or to their partner, they couldn't afford a ring.
And so they went to the pawn shop and got the cheapest ring that was possible. And then
every year on their anniversary, they go to a pawn shop and
replace it with a new, the cheapest ring at the pawn store.
That's really cute. There is an art to basically marketing
your shitty gift.
Oh yeah.
If you are, oh man, yeah.
If you are able to just put in a little bit of advertising
know how into your shit gift, it is,
it will be come incredible.
What I did was I took songs, I didn't even write and said,
here, this person went and found the cheapest ring possible,
which is almost an insult, but did it like,
it's because I knew I needed to marry you.
Here's the key, the clinch pin of this whole scenario, what you're talking about is like
good advertising, good marketing for a shitty gift, is what it is marketing, what it is
advertising is that you are thoughtful.
Yes.
Which is like the whole thing about it.
That's the whole thing about it.
Because a gift can be incredibly elaborate
and super expensive, but have no thought or heart in it.
And that was kind of all flat.
A gift can be the cheapest ring from a pawn shop.
But like it's something that people will like think about
as the DMT, as their brand is the die.
Because it's so thoughtful and romantic.
Because again, it was considered.
It was thought about.
So.
I spent one week drawing memories of the first,
so me and an ex-girlfriend, we dated for several years,
and on Christmas after the first year we had been dating,
I drew pictures of key moments
from our first year together,
and basically put them into a book,
and it looked like something a child would make, Especially because I wanted to laminate it but I
didn't have the tools to do so so instead I used clear tape. It was a book of
those Sonic drawings. And I gave that to them and it was again extremely well
received. Yeah. I feel like that. I've, what I've been, I've been trying to figure out what I
want to do this year. I think it's, it's kind of like both of those because like, okay, hear me out.
So like, me and my girlfriend have these songs that we like to listen to in the car, like they're
like the car jams. And there's like a specific set list of songs. And I want to take the set list.
And I want to get like an NFC thing, NFC, like, an NFC thing, an NFC tag and put
it on like a car air freshener.
So if you just put your phone up to it, it just automatically pulls it up.
That's so cute.
That's pretty cute.
That's so unbelievable.
I, one of my best gifts that I've ever given was, and this is like years ago before
I had like any connections anywhere, I got a girl that I was in love with, her drawn as a Simpson character by a Simpson's
artist. That's how he called in every, just like, yes, what I did what I had to do to get that done.
That person, wonderful person married with children now. No, yeah.
She still has that drawing. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's just one of those things where it's like
really crushed that one out of the park got me nowhere
But you nailed it though you but you nailed it from the
You you yeah look you're you didn't win the game, but you got the grand slam. Yeah sure exactly
Play the game. You know what? It improved my my on the card stats, but the team didn't advance. Yeah, it's also
It's what oh my God.
I just remembered that I wanted to talk about this
and I never got a chance to.
This is another piece of free game
because the other thing that I love
is I love going on dates.
I love planning really short on dates
where there's stuff to do.
It's the best.
You would be surprised at how easy it is
if you are dating what I would call a femme person
to be impressive by just doing something like
taking them on a picnic.
Yeah.
That's it.
It's just planning something.
You're so bragging about how much you date
lesbians while in those.
Shhh.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
I got so many picnics.
Just rubbing it in off then it is thoughtfulness.
Yeah.
It's just thoughtfulness.
It's thoughtfulness. Just like them lesbians are rubbing it is thoughtfulness. Yeah, it is that you. It's just thoughtful. It's thoughtfulness.
Just like them lesbians are rubbing it in the face. A-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o Yeah. My, I love planning dates. I love going to places. I love doing this thing where you like you go,
okay, they're favorite food, it's Italian.
So I found this really great Italian spot.
We're gonna spend a little bit of money.
It is expensive, but it's really nice.
It's nice.
I love going to places like that.
When I was in New York, I started doing this thing
with my partner, because we'd go out to so many restaurants
where we would tell people, when you make the appointment,
it like asks you if there's a special occasion. Did I talk about this on a different podcast?
I like it. I don't think so. Okay, perfect. When you're making the appointment, you can select a
special occasion and in New York, I just started selecting anniversary. Yeah. Because I got,
why not? Yeah, why not? It doesn't't cost anything extra And sometimes we'll bring you a fucking cupcake. So that's what happened
They upgraded our table and then would bring us free dessert and make a big deal about how is our anniversary?
You can lie so every single time I made a reservation I started saying anniversary
Birthday etc. It started going better recently
This is not about a day, but recently,
with the BFT crew, and I went out to dinner
with this other content creator, Anthony Poe,
really cool guy.
I love him a lot.
And we went out to dinner and I made a reservation
and the special event I had was birthday.
Okay.
And then Will from Best friends today texted me and
goes, Hey, what's the attire for this? And I got, Oh, pretty fancy, man. So we all show up wearing
hoodies. And yeah, Will shows up in a full suit. Hell yeah. And they look at the reservation and
then look up at Will and go, Happy birthday. So God, that's so good. That's so good.
That's so good.
That's so good.
But the story gets even better because my favorite part about it is we have our dinner
and then we go, Hey, Will, how's it going?
How's your week?
And Will just goes, my weekend was so awful.
And then tells the story about having this just really stressful, really hard, difficult
weekend.
And there's a couple that's been sitting next to us.
And I realize that they're kind of like listening to me
like, oh my God, on his birthday weekend.
And he's in his little, like, first and his little suit.
Yeah, he looks like it's the first suit he ever bought.
Yeah, probably is.
It very well might be.
Oh, look, it probably looks like he's dad's suit
because it's like a little too big.
Yeah, I'm sure it's not tailored at all.
They also, they, my favorite part was he kept acting like a fucking weirdo and like
being awkward on purpose because he thinks it's really funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And every employee at the restaurant would come up to him and very sincerely go, we just
wanted to say happy birthday.
And then they would walk away.
It was very strange and very weird.
And we didn't know why it was happening.
And then we found out why it was happening.
It's because the table next to us
that listened to him tell that really sad story.
They comped our fucking meal
because they heard about that sad story,
went up, told the people about how sad it was,
and then decided to do something nice for his birthday,
and paid for our
over
$300 meal. We went to a fancy restaurant. They paid for the whole fucking shit and then the restaurant brought out some fucking desserts
all because I marked happy birthday on a reservation. And then you also prank your friends. Incredible. Yeah. Yeah enough
a small part about it is lying.
Yeah.
So.
So, I mean, marketing.
Marketing.
That's the solution.
That's the solution.
This is the solution.
And I would say,
sorry to actually answer this person's question.
The, I would say again,
extravagant gift?
No.
Cause that for after a month comes off,
creepy as fuck.
A thoughtful thoughtful simple gift
Make maybe maybe that one month girlfriend will be a two month girlfriend. Oh
Thoughtful good. I was a little little thoughtful gift
I would make the argument that you should just like fuck all extravagant gifts just always do thought always
Yeah, I mean thoughtful will always again thoughtful always Trump and but extravagant gift could be thoughtful
But it can't be just extravagant.
It can't be just extravagant.
Yeah, then you're the bad guy in the 80s movie.
Yeah, true, it's still your girlfriend.
Yeah, you're not Adam Sandler in the wedding singer.
You're that like douche.
It was like, yeah, you're the other guy.
I'm leaving you because this guy pranked his friend
and said it was his birthday.
Sorry, my lady.
To get a free cheesecake.
It was a tiramisu.
Oh, okay.
It's fancy, it's tiramisu.
It was so good, I hope this helps.
I hope that this advice finds you well.
Fines you well.
I don't know, I don't know what else to say.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just like,
it's super easy to
Be really impressive if all you do is put a little bit of your marketing Yeah, just listen and think just listen and think listen and think and like you connect dots like here
So fucked up my brain is is I just realized that what I'm doing is actually being a good boyfriend. Yeah, yes
By listening hearing what is needed or hearing what they like and then doing that thing
in a surprising and fun way.
But my brain markets that is scumbag.
Me too.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Yeah.
Why would you ever think that scumbag behavior?
That is literally because anywhere else it's like subter fusion spy.
Yeah, but I'm being sincere about it.
Because here's what's happening.
You told me a piece of information and unbeknownst to you.
I am cataloging it, locking it away.
I have a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note,
a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note,
a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, a note, secret. I will do this thing and then pass it off as an incredibly grand gesture that I didn't have to spawn on it.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom We're scumbags. We're scumbags. Yeah. We're bros. And I hope that helped.
So thank you so much for your question.
And please, if you want to send us a question,
you can send one to RTcaresatrustroteeth.com.
That's our email.
It's right here on the screen right now.
That is RTcaresatrustroteeth.com.
Send us a question.
And we'll help you out sort of.
Yeah.
And now it's time for my favorite segment of the week.
Always on.
Welcome everybody to Always On.
I don't know if you've been paying attention, but the news is fucking terrible.
So we've taken some headlines and turned them into punchlines in order to make things a little bit more palatable.
But oftentimes just much, much worse.
We've each got a joke and we are going to be doing our famous joke off our
circle joke where we sit around Griff and joke off until you finish.
I got a bunch of gatorade so we can have electrolytes.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
Yeah.
Yeah, whoever, whoever, whoever wins will get an extra gatorade so that we can go
for round two. My joke, we're factor here. It is pretty good. Yeah, whoever, whoever, whoever wins will get an extra gatorade so that we can go for
round two.
My joke, we're a factor of here, it is pretty good.
Yep.
I think we're going to start with me this week.
All right.
A population of hard to eradicate super pigs has started immigrating from Canada to America,
leaving Americans saying, no, thank you.
We've been trying to eradicate and defund our super pigs for years.
Yeah.
I'm going to it, Liam.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
All right, here we go.
A Catholic hospital group in Illinois
is removing crucifixes from their buildings
to keep them from being used as weapons
to attack the staff.
And I gotta say, it must be weird
to yell the name of the weapon
as you're being hit with it.
I'm trying to screw it. I'm James Cross.
I know, I think it's kind of ironic that they're just like, who would ever use a crucifix to punish a Christian?
Hey, no weapon forged against me. Wait a second.
Wait a second. Also the perfect sword shape.
Come on now. Come on.
I feel like all crucifixes could be used by a mech
in like some kind of anime.
All right, Russian students are being asked to donate
their old vapes so that the components
can be used in combat drones.
So apparently there is evidence that vapes can kill
and my car has been classified as a deadly arsenal.
Yeah, weapons of mass destruction in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they are destroying my fucking lungs.
Imagine fucking getting drone strike, and you're like, I think I'm fine.
And then 12 years later, you have popcorn.
Yeah.
Uh, sir, we couldn't remove the jewel pod from your, uh,
No, no.
Uh, a plane headed to Belgium from New York was forced to turn around in mid-air
and land back in the big apple
after a horse got loose in the cargo hold.
But I gotta be honest,
a horse loose in a plane is still better
than any flight on spirit airlines I've ever taken.
What?
Oh, Andrew, that's an extremely good joke.
And I'm sorry that I have to backtrack like this,
but I just thought of how awful it would be
you're in a war zone, you're fighting.
And all of a sudden you go,
is that a mango cart?
That's the drew looks.
Okay, all right, I'm sorry.
An upcoming update to chat GPT
reportedly has employees worried,
mostly because the AI named its own update SkyNet,
the beginning.
I asked a robot representative for a statement and my microwave said,
so I'm not sure what that means.
He's a goner, folks.
So fucking dumb.
We're going to begin and end on a nice boys and blue joke.
Police in Michigan arrested a 12 year old boy who led them on a low speed chase on a forklift.
The officers tried to chase the boy down on foot, but lifted a few too many forks themselves and ran out of breath in about 20 feet.
Oh
My god Folks incredible
Oh cheese so oh
Cheese okay
Okay, you got a pig going now
Got it got it. Got to be the feral hog. So you're your first joke. Yeah. Super big. Super big.
Maybe.
30 to 50 feral hogs.
No one has been more justified than that person needing that rifle.
Yeah.
Apparently they're hard to kill.
Well, their skulls are like harder than concrete.
Yeah. They are very actually hard to kill.
Yeah. They're do their monster hogs.
Yeah. That's insane. Well, I'm gonna, you know what?
I'm gonna finish this bad boy up and then...
We're gonna send it back to Mother Russia.
We can kill those fucking pigs.
All right.
Thank you everybody so much for joining us.
This has been a great episode.
I've been Armando.
I've been Andrew.
I've been here.
And we'll be killing pigs all week.
See you next time, folks.
Bye-bye.
Bye. This is Redweb, a podcast all about mysteries, true crime,
and the paranormal.
Join hosts, Trevor Collins, and Alfredo Diaz
as they uncover a new, unsolved mystery every week,
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