Rooster Teeth Podcast - We Want to Try Human Meat! - #781
Episode Date: December 18, 2023Armando, Andrew, and Griff discuss food to people comparisons. Is Drake the sugar of music? Would O type blood be the tastiest? All valid questions for the Rooster Teeth Podcast! This episode is s...ponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/ROOSTER to get 10% off your first month. Grab the exclusive NordVPN deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/roosterteeth and get extra subscription time. Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Thanks to NordVPN for sponsoring our show. Go to http://stinkydragonpod.com to watch episodes of Stinky Dragon Adventures! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a Risteteer Production.
Welcome to the only show also using our campaign funds for only fans.
It's the hearty podcast.
I am your host, Runahtorrius, and joining me, as always, is the freshly botoxed Andrew
Roses.
And?
Hi, I'm currently online trying to see if I can give my campaign donation back from George
Santos.
Trying to parlay that into a cameo.
Yeah, yeah.
Get the campaign things back.
It's like, does she go to the source?
Yeah, I actually want a cameo from.
Apparently somebody already ordered me a cameo from George Santos
because I am trying to play him in the movie that's coming up.
You like, I absolutely should.
I think you could trick him into getting your cast.
Absolutely.
I think you could appeal to his like,
narcissist signature.
I think of the only one that gets
with everything that he's been through.
Being a scammer, being weirdly fat, but not fat,
being a dork to look at.
Tricking your way into higher echelons of power.
That's what I'm saying.
And hey, speaking of scams that involve money from supporters,
if you want to help us make this. You're not going to get a better segue than that. If you want
to help us make this show, consider becoming a first member. Unlike George Santos, we are actually
using this to do the things that we say that we're doing, like making this wonderful show.
But then in the show, the scams are the things that we are doing. So it's content
and it's good. You can go to the RTpodcast.com slash first to help support us and help us
make this show. You can also catch a bunch of stuff that we have just for first members,
including Gris show. Is it problematic? Yeah, I make that show. And coming up. It's a choice. Yep. I'm making that show. There you go
We also do discord hangouts RTTV streams a bunch of really fun stuff
But again that stuff is secondary to the fact that you are helping us make this show and all of the other shows that we're working on
So go ahead and check that out. Yeah, thank you so much. Well, I am yeah, it's a yeah, there's about a
35 to 40,000 of you out there who listen and we appreciate it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will kiss every single one of you.
Oh, I don't think you would.
During cold and flu season.
Yeah.
Griffin, I aren't even sick.
We have allergies.
Why am I?
Why is there a close up on my feet?
Why?
You're doing this weird thing when you're doing the podcast.
You said, and I quote, hey, y'all mind if I do a feat up
and I kicked back up a son.
That's not what it is.
I said kick back, because I'm leaning back for audio listeners.
I got my feet up on the desk.
I got a card to get on.
I got a card to get on.
I'm getting, it's fucking real professor hours over here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is that?
It's a California Yankees hat.
What's it called? A Dodgers hat? Yeah that? It's a California Yankees hat. What's it called?
A Dodgers hat?
Yeah, that thing.
A California Yankees hat.
Yeah.
Huh?
Dodgers.
But you knew what I meant.
I guess.
Yeah, it's a California Yankee hat.
Insane.
They would.
It looks like a Yankee hat, but for California.
I don't want to do this, but the Cortes shoes I'm wearing are telling me to stab you. The Cortes shoes are the California. I don't wanna do this, but the Cortes shoes I'm wearing are telling me to stab you.
The Cortes shoes are the California,
the California tims.
Yeah, the California tims.
California tims is my favorite hockey team.
The California tims, baby.
Wait, can I give a single really?
Sorry, I saw my arm and it was,
because the listen is a definition. The listen listeners at home, my arms look good.
This is a weird episode.
This is weird, I've already so far.
It's because I've been eating nothing but soup and cold medicine for 10 days.
Griff has over the last three days.
Griff has invited me over every single day to come get cold, I almost called it cold medicine.
Chicken soup.
I made soup from scratch. Yeah. I made like a bucket, like a bucket, like medicine, chicken soup. I made soup from scratch.
Yeah.
I made like a bucket, like a bucket, like a bunch of soup.
I went to the house, it's in a Home Depot bucket.
Yeah, I used three different containers to store it
and you should come get one.
I will, I'm gonna come get the soup.
I'm gonna try it.
Oh my God.
Yeah, the reason it's such a weird episode
is because we started it out before
we were even going talking about fast food breakfast item.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Pretty aggressively.
Pretty well, okay, fast food breakfast items exist for one reason and one reason only.
It is because you are on your way to work and you need to eat something right now.
Otherwise, you're going to fucking kill Brenda.
And in accounts receivable. Yes. And so you fucking eat something right now. Otherwise, you're gonna fucking kill Brenda. And-
In accounts receivable.
Yes.
And so you fucking need something right now.
And I would say foreign large.
Foreign large.
Okay.
Foreign large, which wouldn't be far-
I love that store for the big boys.
Foreign large.
Foreign large is what you become.
If you eat too many fast food breakfasts,
I know it's just plus-sized flight jackets.
Yeah.
I do like when they make just plus size flight jackets. Yeah.
I do like when they make plus size flight jackets because it's like, I can't even fit
in a normal plate seat when the shooting comes to the one that goes 90 G's.
Fuck off.
Anyway, they're all bad.
All breakfast items from fast food restaurants are fucking terrible, except for like one or two. And I would say that the best breakfast fast food item
is Taco Bell's breakfast crunch wrap.
I've never had it.
Never had it either.
Have you ever had a regular crunch wrap?
Yeah, yeah, elite.
So a regular crunch wrap is,
I called it a crunch wrap.
It's serving crunch wrap.
Did you get your 20, 20, 23 spot of my cut, rat?
It said I spent 53,000 minutes trying to find the
Let's go
My favorite was that I got
What cities did you guys get like San Luis abyss bow? I got tempi
Tempier's I don't know what that means, but they listen to a lot of what I do the worst I got like San Luis abispo. I got Tempe. Tempe are so nice. Oh my gosh.
I don't know what that means,
but they listen to a lot of what I do.
The worst.
They got Portland main.
Tempe are so nice.
Tempe are so nice.
Like yeah, you might listen to Olivia Rodrigo,
but you still think that certain people
shouldn't have rights.
I don't listen to Olivia Rodrigo,
but I do listen to a lot of the city girls.
So I don't know what the,
I don't know why it gave me that.
Interesting. What city did you get? I think know what the, I don't know why it gave me that. Interesting.
What city did you get?
I think it was Portland, Maine.
Not the public.
I would have thought about Portland.
Or it.
Both of you.
I can marry you.
I mean, this, this sweater.
That cardie.
This party is pure Portland, Maine.
I got a cardie, but it's just beige cardigan.
Get it.
Get it.
Brat beige, parentheses, age.
Getting Portland, Maine means like voted for Obama,
but still owns a gun.
That's what you're buying.
Now 100% North New England.
Lithuania and North New England, it's so funny
because they are like dependably blue,
but also complete psychos.
Yes.
My friend, Kath is from New Hampshire,
and it's one of like hearing her stories
about growing up in New Hampshire
and like the people from there is so funny
because they are weirdly like liberal boarding
on libertarian but like you can't pass seat belt laws
in New Hampshire because it's like get your regulations
off my body which is my right to die in a car accident
flying through the window.
That is my god given right.
Hey, hey, here's the thing. After living 27 of them years, I get it.
I get it. I get it. I'm not saying I want to die, but if I get into a really bad car accident,
just let me go. Yeah. That's why I have organ donor on my driver's license, because I'm hoping
when they come to save me, they go, why do you a kid me? I will say, if I had a head on collision with you, I saw you coming to window
and it's like, fuck me. It'd be like, it'd be like, why would he come when he looks up and
there's a boulder and a shadow just gets bigger over it. Well, it sounds because it's,
it's like first your car gets hit by a car and then a second car in my body is
coming flying at you. I got San Luis Amispo, which I saw a TikTok where this guy was like,
here's what what city you got says about your music taste. And I was like, okay, what are
you going to say about me? Yeah, like you could roast me. And he was like, you spent a lot
of time listening to music, trying to curate like a cool vibe, just to have your number one artist be Drake.
And I was like, fuck.
No!
Roasted.
Oh!
He cut to the very core of my music list of it.
I feel like that's what mine means too.
Drake has been my artist of the year.
Every single year I've done Spotify rap,
except the year that folklore and ever more came out.
Well, it's a-
It's a conspiracy.
Is it?
Drake isn't actually anyone's number one artist.
No, I, do you know how hard it is to be in the top 1%
of an artist that popular?
Wait, you're in the top one.
Last year I was top 1%.
This year was top 5%.
Last year was top 1% of Drake listeners.
Which is hard.
I respect women.
I do.
I respect women.
I don't believe it.
I really don't believe that.
Do I have a playlist called massage in the but it slaps?
Yes.
Is black bear and trache on there almost exclusively?
Also yes.
But does that mean I hate women?
I don't think so.
I just think that the songs that do are good.
My Spotify rap is really interesting because it's like, it's so, I feel like it's the ultimate
thing. It's like, what are your curve records?
You know what I mean?
Because it's like, oh, there's like stuff that I listen to.
Yeah.
I have pretty, I would say I have pretty varied tastes.
Yeah.
But then there's like stuff that I,
there are songs that I'll put on, like repeat while I'm,
or like, my friend Patty, like his whole thing
was wrecked by ambient music,
because he listens to that to work.
See, I made a second account for my lofi.
Sure, yeah, for your chill study beat.
Yeah, because I have a family account,
I don't have five people in there,
so I made like a devices account.
Sure, that's smart, that is smart.
But also, you know, but also sometimes I do just be like,
I be like, ooh, I do love, I do love, you know,
Cafe, Cafe Clinking noises for $15.
Somebody just taught me about this.
It was BK.
Oh shit.
I'm in the top 0.5% of Drake.
See?
I don't even listen to Drake that much.
No, you think you don't.
I think it counts features.
And also, yes, you do.
Here's the thing.
I listen to like 60, over 60,
close to 70,000 minutes or whatever of fucking music.
And most of it was not Drake.
Yeah, I can prove it.
Well, it was too many other things.
It's just that he's in everything.
It's true.
He's got his fan out of pie.
My favorite, my number one Drake song wasn't even a Drake song. It was a DJ Khaled song featuring. It was Greece. Exactly. Okay.
It's a DJ Khaled song. Here's my point. Here's my point of why Drake doesn't count as anyone's
top favorite artist. Okay. That's like me saying, what's your favorite food? Andrew,
what's your favorite food? Burger. Wrong. Your favorite food is actually sugar. It's salt. Because
it is the most included degree. It's sure everything I everything I need yeah precisely. Yeah, it's like that drake is sugar. All right. Yeah both because
Really trying to court of the child market, but also because he's in everything. Yeah
Some of those show no
Reggie is one of the artists that put me in tempi along with doja cat and sitting girls I think you hate women. I'm gonna see all my top artists were women except for Drake doja cat hates women
Yeah, you look me in the eye
He knows she has that song woman that's like stop putting two bad bitches against each other. She hates women
She hates them and black people in Yeah, and that's her entire thing. So if you all, if you at home left a trail of breadcrumbs
down this Spotify, cut wrapped. You were talking about breakfast items. You said the breakfast
crunch wrap supreme. Yeah, the breakfast, uh, cut wrap is it's, uh, it is, the breakfast crunch wrap supreme. Yeah, the breakfast Cut wrap is it's
It is the regular crunch wrap is like a tostada taco stuff some nacho cheese some sauce and then they wrap it together
What what's what they wrap it in what just a tortilla tortilla? It's like yeah
Yes, and it becomes like an octagon of Mexican flavor.
The breakfast one is instead of a tosao,
they use hash browns.
Oh.
And then they put eggs.
Is it hard?
It's crunchy, but it's not hard.
It's really nice.
It's like a regular hash brown.
It's fucking delicious.
And then they put eggs bacon bacon, they use like a creamy
jalapeno sauce. And then they wrap that all together. I feel like I've talked about it maybe
here, but different times. And I was a kid. One of the members of the school board of the high school
that I went to owned like nine taco bells. And so we got to go to their headquarters in Irvine, California for my marketing
class, where supposedly we were supposed to be learning marketing. But the tour ended,
the tour was like 20 minutes. And then the rest of the hour that we spent there was in
their test kitchen trying the breakfast items before they came out and answering a survey
about how we felt about
them and I didn't realize until I was an adult like, oh, fuck, we were just in marketing,
marketing, marketing, research, we were used. But I tried to breath. Yeah, exactly. Kids
who are on their way to school and they need something to eat right now because their
parents don't care about them. All I'm saying is that if you eat breakfast at a fast food place, it's because somebody
doesn't care about you or you don't care about yourself.
Those are the true.
That's it.
But tried the breakfast crunch wrap there,
I loved it when it was made in there like test kitchen.
When it came out, I went,
there's no way that it's just as good.
It fucking is.
It fucking hits.
It slaps every time I get it.
It's never done me wrong.
And it's also the only
non-crazy thing they debuted because no one seems to remember. One of the other offerings that they had
was a waffle bent into the shape of a taco filled with eggs and maple syrup.
I do remember that. That was an abomination. Yeah. That was in the front to go.
Everyone's brain tries to block it out because that's what all actual fast food restaurant breakfast is.
Honestly, that's a lie. It's gross. It's bad. It's sugar mixed with eggs.
That seems like more like a jack in the box offering.
Yes.
That's not the last time, right?
The Jagger.
Jagger in the boxes just trying to like, I don't know, Jagger in the boxes like,
you asked AI to make food and it fucked up the fingers.
I'm saying.
Truly.
So, well, we started talking about fast food breakfast items.
And I was like, all right, I got something,
I got a little rant to go on here.
Okay.
And then you put your feet up on the desk.
I put my feet up on the desk because I have like,
so maybe the worst, I'm gonna say the worst fast food breakfast item,
you probably expect me to say some like crazy concoction
from like, like the waffle taco.
Like a waffle taco or something like that.
Raw.
The worst breakfast items you can possibly get
are at Starbucks.
They fucking suck dick. They are terrible.
And the reason they're terrible
is because they're just as bad for you.
But they're one, one hundredth the flavor
or interest of any other breakfast time.
It's like, you go, you're getting fast food breakfast
because you, again, don't care about yourself
or somebody doesn't care about you.
Or somebody doesn't care about you.
But you need something that isn't abomination.
You need something that is a flavor, punch in the mouth, to kick start your day.
You need it fast.
You need to soak up the coffee.
You need to soak up the booze from last night.
It needs to be something that is going to like, but recommend for your dream, dial it
your pupils, send you into like a sugary.
You need the pulp fixin' adrenaline shot.
You need the pulp fixin' adrenaline shot
to start your goddamn day.
And for like calorie, like when everything's
taken to account ingredients,
like the garbage chemical, like the sludge
that they're pumping into our food,
when you account for all of that,
when you account for everything that calorie to calorie,
you're gonna go get a,
like the most mediocre breakfast sandwich
on planet earth from Starbucks.
Yeah.
Go fuck it.
If you're getting fast food breakfast,
do it right and get some actually flavorable garbage.
Don't get that like,
Josh.
In my defense, I had to walk into the Starbucks
and that took so much time.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, first of all.
That's my rant.
I think I'm gonna spend the calories.
Why the fuck would you go get like,
it's about time, it's not the calories.
But you're not even saving that much time.
I do do a second location.
You have to go to a second location.
You have to walk into it.
Also, thermosis is dead to me. Well, Yeah. And then also the other thing is like here in Texas,
was first of all, as an aside, we are boycotting both of the extra to talk to us.
We got our boycotting Starbucks and Taco Bell and McDonald's.
McDonald's all young cause, which isn't McDonald's, I know that I was just mentioning it. Anyway, the worst
part about the Starbucks type of shit now, other than the shit we just mentioned, is
that in Texas, they don't seem to have drive through Starbucks.
They're few and far between, yes, which means that you have to physically, you have to
walk into the place. You have to wait in line. You have to order the thing. And then they
put it through the fucking carousel of heat that just flops it out. So you can get the most fucking dehydrated,
but we add in a little bit of water as egg powder. They're shit, excuse for bread. And
the bacon that's so thin, it's so clear that they just printed out a piece of paper
with a picture of bacon and cut it out and put it on the oil. Truly a like child's like scratch and sniff snicker, scratch and sniff snicker.
You'll get it. Oh my God. Scratch and sniff sticker. Lord have mercy of a picture of bacon.
Yeah. Has more flavor than that fucking bear. Absolutely. I'm more man, I'm man about this.
Yeah, because because you realize you're like, wait a minute, I could have gotten a McGriddle,
a miracle of science, a miracle of science, and for the same calories, could have gotten
something that tastes like it was 3D printed from Starbucks.
How dare you?
The worst part is that like the more I think about it, everything I've ever had from Starbucks is awful.
Like the same.
Coffee's bad too.
Coffee's terrible.
It's all burnt.
The only reason I was drinking it was because they had
one seasonal item that I really fucked with.
Which one?
And it didn't even fucking come back this year.
Which item?
The Toasted White Chocolate Mocha.
Which is different from the White Chocolate Mocha
and now that's Toasted and Delicious.
See, here's the thing.
And producer Cody's out there dancing.
Literally.
They didn't bring it back this year.
It's not, they didn't bring it back.
Cody crumpan.
Yeah.
And the white chocolate mocha's ass.
It is the best thing to have.
The gingerbread's pretty good too, though.
The gingerbread can suck my dick.
See?
And soak in the cookie butter, whatever the,
everything else is just sugar cookie, gingerbread,
and like cookie butter, these are all just sugar flavor.
Oh, I'll say sugar flavor.
Sugar, Drake.
Okay, oh my God.
So, this is actually it, and we're tapping into it.
Like the best things from Starbucks
are things that are completely massive.
They're desserts.
Yeah, you're getting a milkshake, it's fine.
Oh, the fucking, also, or discontinued,
like the apple croissant was actually good gone gone. The the the the the pumpkin the
pumpkin muffin with the cream in the middle actually. I should use some gone again. The
things that are like our halfway the baked good is like a little bit. It's a little bit
dicey disagree. The baked goods are suck. Oh, no, like,
Have you had that pumpkin cream?
That's because it has to have,
it has to have like a cream element or also.
And the apple also has a couple on it.
A door stop things better.
I don't like it.
I like, I like warm,
I like warm,
I don't, I want to warm,
goopy breakfast.
No, disgusting.
Um, so,
but I will say,
so like the coffee thing that Starbucks is known for.
Yes, it's almost anywhere is better. Is it the beat they burn the
beans so that they taste the same everywhere right? That's correct. That's correct.
Yeah, it's it's it's in a front to God. However, let me counter this,
their teas, lemonade, refreshers, the refreshers.
Incredible. The dragon, the dragon fruit mango refresher is
summer on this summer day.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, delicious.
Okay, I'll give you that.
They're halfway decent.
They're bad.
I dislike them.
I don't like them.
All right.
The thing is, is like Los Angeles has so many good places that just focus on getting drinks.
That if I want, if I want a tea,
I can go anywhere and grab one.
Now granted, you might be saying,
well, what if we don't live in Los Angeles?
Your life doesn't matter.
Is I guess what I'm saying?
It's a co-stool leaf.
No, no, no, no.
I just like, I don't know.
There's nothing that, I mean, this is all fast food, right?
All fast food is like the worst version of what it's gonna be.
Like, any burger from a small place
is gonna be better than a fucking McDonald's burger.
Well, yeah.
But some but,
but like coffee from a local roaster
is going to be better than Starbucks.
And I, so I will argue that I have never craved
a Starbucks coffee drink.
Except for the toasted white chocolate mocha.
Speak for yourself.
And that's in your case, in your case,
that's the only one.
That's the only one.
I have not craved a Starbucks item.
It's always like, oh, this will do in a pinch.
However, and because there's plenty
of other much better alternatives to it.
However, and not word for our sponsor,
star buttono, whereas we all know
that you can get a better burger
just about anywhere in McDonald's.
But guess what?
Sometimes when you want to McDonald's burger
or some of their nuggets, nothing else will do.
I don't ever want burger king,
but I do want a whopper specifically.
That's weird.
I don't want a burger.
I want a whopper.
Whopper is correct.
Whopper is bad.
I don't understand that.
But I understand the singular, I want this flavor.
Yeah.
That comes preposterously in burger form.
Yeah, that's not strong.
Yeah, it's not the active, like,
I want a hamburger.
Therefore, I'm going to Burger King.
It's like, I want what a Whopper Jr. tastes like in my mouth.
What is a Whopper Jr.?
Why do you like a Whopper Jr.?
Because it has a very particular flavor.
Is it the bullshit ass char borrel?
I don't know.
Maybe.
It's whatever chemical they put on it
that make it taste like that.
They make it taste like it was cooked on fire.
Also, their buns kinda sweet a little bit.
I like that too, a little sweet bun.
I don't, I don't know.
Burger, soft serve machine never broke.
Every single video you see of baggage handlers,
like miss handling people's baggage.
You know, viral videos of baggage, and a little bit of bag, bag handlers throwing people miss handling people's baggage, you know, viral videos of baggage,
bag handlers throwing people's carry-ons,
just like man handling them,
tossing them into the cargo holds.
Every single Burger King bun was traded that way.
Every single Burger King bun was like kicked into the store
from the loading.
Yeah, I wanna teach that.
I've never seen an intact Burger King bun.
It always looks like it was run over seconds before it was put on my sandwich. Burger King is
the way that it's supposed to be. Their fries are always soggy and stretchy. Chicken fries
don't make any fucking sense because my brain, I hold a chicken fry and my brain goes,
this is supposed to be a mozzarella stick. Yeah, it is. You know what is better?
You know what's better actually than Burger King's fries?
Like hunger.
That's how bad those fucking fries are.
Those fries are fucking discussing at least.
At least Wendy's had the decency to go, okay, guys, we fucked up.
We've been serving you this bullshit for 20 years.
And now that Dave's dead, we're gonna put. We're gonna put the skins back on the pants.
We're gonna really fuck with it.
Their chicken sandwiches are shaped wrong.
You ever see that?
Look at their old.
Look like you pulled the paper out before the printer was done.
It made it all long and shit.
It's all fucked up and bad.
I don't like it.
So they came out with a new sandwich.
So supposed to be like their version of the Popeye sandwich, I went to Chick-fil-A. I ordered that sandwich specifically and then they are
Burking and they still gave me the long
Chicken sandwich. Yes. I was so mad. It's they
Two dollars more. Someone did a panorama photo of a chicken sandwich and kept moving the sandwich along with it. Yes
It's it looks like and I guarantee you that if you line it up,
like the square footage of that chicken sandwich is the same as the chicken. It's not you're not
getting more sandwiches. No, it's just that they're wrong. They just beat it. I'm mad now. I
fucking hate. I'm sorry. I brought this. I'm sorry. I'm worse chicken sandwich in fast food.
Um, is it the bird? Is it the BK chicken? No, no, no. I feel like the worst chicken sandwich in fast food. Is it the bird? Is it the BK chicken? No, no.
I feel like the worst chicken sandwich I've ever had in my entire life has been from KFC.
Was it the double down?
No, because that was actually fire.
That's one, that was the one where the chicken's the bun, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was when I realized that like, there's slow, easy, fun ways to kill yourself.
Oh, you mean, it was that, wasn't the bowl?
No.
The bowl is when I realized that we as a society
were not long through this world.
Yeah, the bowl, in case you're wondering,
is KFC decided that there is a way
that you can induce diarrhea.
And they made it.
It's a plastic bowl filled with the driest and also gooeyest
mashed potatoes you've ever had in your life. Yeah. It's a non-Newtonian liquid. Gravy,
corn, little pieces of breaded chicken that are always more bread than chicken. And then
unmelted shredded cheddar cheese that will not actually ever melt because by the time you get the bowl,
it is so hot on the bottom and ice cold on the top.
And I would argue that that cheese,
like, won't melt will disintegrate before it melts.
Oh, it'll dust.
Like, you can't, like you could send that sun,
like it's not cheese to the sun.
It would melt.
It would break apart, like a meteor.
The thing that pissed me off about that is,
I do like to make bowls out of my food.
I like to eat all my food in the bowl.
I'll layer it, make a little food in the sun here.
And I was like, oh, they've done it for you,
but just looking at the technology,
I was like, it's not gonna taste good though.
You have to do it yourself.
They don't know my ratio.
Also, I don't want cheese on it.
I, so my argument that,
so you asked them about the worst chicken sandwich
in the fast food, I, I think I'm going to say,
it's been a long time since I've had it,
but I am going to say it's probably the BK chicken sandwich.
The long boy.
The long boy.
And for one simple reason is because this is how I remember it,
is that in order to get to that fucking stretch arm strong,
that fucking California king,
California king size chicken,
no, see the other one.
Is this gum under the table?
Oh my God, right, right.
The other one is called the King Sandwich.
Oh, fuck you.
You go to hell.
So in order to actually bite into that patty,
that chicken patty, let's be very clear,
that chicken patty, you have to hike across the Sahara desert of bun.
That is so dry.
Like, those are the only round buns.
They make those buns out of silica gel packets.
I'm convinced.
The driest thing on the planet.
And the most wilted piece of lettuce
that you've ever seen in your entire life
that is so clearly genetically engineered
for the long boy.
I'm kind of craving one now.
I know.
You know what sucks?
I would fuck up a long way.
I would fuck up a long way.
You know what it is?
It's that dollop of whatever
fucking meal in the miracle work on it.
I would think it
actually
yeah I might
fuck
I
like that
let us generally
engineer from
yes sad
Victorian poet man
so wilted
it's fucking 3D
creative
every time you order
the long boy should
get sandwich here okay
can I get a long boy
yeah
it's a dog matrix
printer too
sounds like Tyler cityady's printer in the back.
Yeah.
Oh man.
He doesn't look like you can see a seam in the bun too at the top.
It kind of looks like you can see the seam where they've been.
Oh, it's got a ball sack.
It looks gross.
Yeah.
Okay.
The worst part is, okay.
Show it again.
This is supposed to be the most appetizing
this sandwich has ever looked.
And even in this picture, I don't want to eat it.
It looks bad.
It looks wrong.
It's a fucking abomination.
I can tell I'll dry this just from the image.
Here's the thing is like crack.
At least, at least.
The bun is cracked.
Your phone folds in water.
Pull out that picture and dries it out.
At least with a normal chicken sandwich, like, okay,
like a Popeyes chicken sandwich, right?
Like a KFC one for as fucking shit as they are.
At least with those sandwiches, it gives the illusion of like,
okay, maybe this is a boneless breast, right?
With the McDonald's, like the McChicken,
it being in a patty is at least sort of familiar.
So our brain goes, okay, I'm not gonna think about it so hard.
The long BK chicken sandwich brings to the forefront,
oh, fuck, this is the pink goo.
This is the pink goo that they've extruded.
This is extruded, yeah.
Why don't you make it shape that way?
Easy at the ability.
I don't think they did for easy atability.
I think what they did is they made it that way
so that it could stick out.
I think it was a tax right off.
I think it was a dare.
Yeah.
I think they did it to lose money.
It's like the producers.
It's the producers.
Yeah.
The producers, people actually ate them.
Now they're losing money on it. Fucking gene wilders. Yeah. It's the producers, yeah. Yeah, the producers, but people actually ate them. Now they're losing money on it.
Fucking gene wilders.
It's going like, no, long.
So there is a phenomenon.
This doesn't usually happen with burgers,
but it certainly happens with chicken sandwiches,
which is occasionally, and chicken sandwiches occasionally,
more often with chicken nuggets,
no matter where you get them from.
Mm-hmm.
I would say except for Wendy's,
because Wendy's actually,
they're white meat chicken, like breast chicken nuggets. I would say accept for Wendy's because Wendy's actually their white meat chicken,
like breast chicken nuggets,
I've never encountered this problem there.
But, definitely McDonald's,
definitely a couple of other places,
where you will occasionally bite into a chicken nugget
or chicken sandwich and it will be gristle.
Yep.
You'll get a gristle piece
and that will immediately ruin them.
Like, it completely betrays what I've come to this far,
which is a frictionless experience eating a chemical meal
and has broken that illusion because it's like,
oh, this was once animal.
Fuck, this is disgusting.
And it completely, it pulls me off my stroke.
I'm out, I'm done.
I don't want, I don't want that sandwich anymore.
And it's like, God help you if that's your first bite.
If you're like, well, trash.
You just need to really have to throw it away.
It's like, I'm gonna,
if the walk out of the room and come back.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, just like walk around for a bit,
like reassess your choices in your life.
I think you and I are different people.
We are.
You want to go.
You want to go.
Woof. Thank God. I think you and I are different people. We are. Because, oh, thank God. You want to go.
Thank God.
I think you and I are different types of people
because like, I wouldn't let that shit stop me
in the slightest.
Okay.
I think I'm a bad human being.
Does that make you more excited to eat?
I think if I was at a steakhouse
and they brought the cow through the fucking steakhouse
and I'm eating a steak, I go, hmm.
I want some ear next. I go, hmm. You're not the ear next.
I'm coming back tomorrow for you.
Knowing that it wasn't, knowing that it was an animal
doesn't really bother me, knowing that like, I don't know,
like I get, I've eaten like a chicken sandwich
from a small place and got a bone in that shit.
And it's just like, yeah, don't give a fuck.
This used to be a guy.
I'm a fucking meat eating pizza shit. No, yeah, my't give a fuck. This used to be a guy. I'm a fucking meat eating piece of shit.
No, yeah, my mouth waters when I'm at Whole Foods
and I'm walking past like the meat case
and I feel like that delicious red raw meat.
Oh, when I see a bone in chop.
Oh, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, exactly what you're saying.
Like a dough.
But again, this is again,
I don't have the problem with like the thing from what,
it is the fact that I'm coming to this fast food
to like-
E3D printed.
E3D print, again, it's the Starbucks conundrum,
but the Starbucks parallax.
It's like, I don't need to be reminded that this was extruded
because that means you bite the gristle
and then like you do the like tree of life
flood of memories of like,
oh, this is an extruded sandwich and like some gristle got like ground up the like tree of life, flood of memories of like, oh, this is an extruded sandwich
and like some gristle got like ground up into like this,
particularly is.
This one nugget is 18,000 chickens.
Correct.
Yes.
You do all the mental math and weighing of it.
And then it's like,
here's why I don't mind it.
Okay.
Because the alternative is,
the alternative is in fucking 40 years or less when we're eating crickets and all
meat is fucking cr- and you know that's not a bit, right?
No, no, yeah, we're going to be bugs, baby.
Yeah, crickets, cricket meat is like the easiest to like grow, reproduce it like has not
as negative effects on the environment and-
Make it steak textured.
They're going to figure it out.
They can. I'm fine.
They're just going to go out to the HB parking lot at dusk.
They're lab-like summer.
They're like some meat and shit.
All right.
We're like, we're getting to the point where it's not, we're going to, most people are going
to be eating real animals anymore.
And so I get a little piece of gristle and I go, it was real.
We're still on the top of the food chain.
Maybe I'm not eating cricket bugs yet.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, question.
Yeah.
Three pinnets, like, or like genetically,
like a 3D printed steak, 3D printed food.
Taste identical, no different.
Yeah, absolutely, okay.
Yeah, give it to me.
I hope it kills me.
I just don't want to eat the crickets,
if I'm being honest.
And like,
Lufa's not cricket shaped. Here's the't want to eat the crickets, if I'm being honest. And like, if it's not cricket shaped.
Here's the thing, I was just gonna say,
I don't mind if I eat cricket meat,
just fucking lie to me.
Soiling green my ass,
all right?
I don't ever want to know.
Like if I mush them up and put them in some panko
and like fucking make a patty out of it
and I put it on an all-blong shaped bun
with like a wool piece of lettuce and mayo,
you would eat that.
Yeah, I would fucking eat it.
But the moment, the moment that you go,
did you like that?
Well, that was actually crooked.
Look at her, look at her, look at her,
look at her, reverse vegan.
Like when a vegan tries to trick you,
and you're like, no, I knew it was vegan,
I could give it was bad.
This fucking clockwork orange ass,
try the wine, like, it's like psychopathic wine.
That's what I mean.
Did you enjoy your meal?
I'm under it.
Did you enjoy your long chicken sandwich?
Yeah, I'm stabbing the fucking king in the throat, all right?
Yeah.
The moment anyone tries to reveal to me
that I've been eating crickets, they're fucking dead.
I don't care.
And then I will eat them.
I don't give a shit.
Well, they're also a crick-in.
I was gonna say, what if I got a bunch of ground beef
shaped into the shape of a cricket and cooked that?
I'd fucking kill you.
Yeah, I'm gonna be a Detroit.
I hate bugs so much.
But to answer your question, I've used the like, beyond me.
One of my favorite burger places in Los Angeles
is a place called Burger Lords.
If you're in the area, if you're in Chinatown
or Highland Park area, go to Burger Lords.
It used to be, now they have beef patties again,
but it used to be a fully vegan burger place,
and it's my favorite burger place in Los Angeles.
I don't give a shit.
If something vegetarian, vegan, whatever, I don't mind.
The things that I do mind is when something tries
to replicate meat, and it isn't meat and
it's bad.
And I don't mean like, I don't mean like, oh, I have to be a carnivore.
I know I've said a lot of jokes, but like, I love the majority of Indian food and a lot
of desi food because it is made to be meat.
Vegetarian, yeah, vegetarian.
Like I love that shit.
Just give me that shit.
Give me shit that wasn't intended to rip off meat.
Just give me your shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the second they tried to like, woo, meat eaters by like meeting them more than halfway
of like, this is our plant-based burger that like bleeds.
It's like, I don't need a bleat, I get it, it's beat juice, but like, that's not why I
come to burgers because they are rare in bleeding.
It's because it tastes good.
Like restaurants and vegetarian places
that don't treat vegetables like a side,
they treat it as a main, they treat it as its own thing.
Incredible, like one of the best experiences
or one of the best culinary experiences you have.
Andrew and I went to a restaurant the other day
where he was ranting and raving about the carrots.
Yes.
And I tried them. I get it.
We went to a Colleen's kitchen and we had a side of their roasted carrots and they
were fucking crap.
They were so good.
And I get it.
So yeah, when they treat it nice, although on the other side of the spectrum,
what you were just, wow, is there is something wrong and fucked up in our
brains?
Because I do the same thing.
When I see a bunch of raw fucking bloody meat
that should be like upsetting to look at, I go,
um, Pavlovian, drooling like a dog.
I just like, it's hardwired from the predator natural.
Absolutely.
I see a bunch of raw fucking inside guts,
and I'm supposed to go,
but instead I go, yeah, I see a bunch of raw fucking inside guts and I'm supposed to go
But instead I go yeah
I'm fucking eating all that Yeah, yeah, I see a fucking an entire skinned animal hanging upside down with the blood draining out and I think two things one
gangster movie two that's gonna be delicious
I see a goat in a window, a little cabrito,
a little lion on a charcoal, hmm.
Would you guys try human?
Like lab growners.
Lab grown.
We're free range.
Lab grown, human didn't have,
I wonder why are you sharpening a razor on a straw
and asking if we'd try human.
Would you guys try human?
Like ethically, this is okay. So there's this fucking game.
Uh-huh.
That it's like a it's like a board game.
And uh, sorry, he's a there's this fucking game.
And I mentioned like this game will make you come in 40 seconds.
Sorry.
I was a different way.
There's this fucking game, right?
It's um, it's the most dangerous thing in my life.
Yeah, I played last week. It's the most dangerous thing you see. Yeah, I was most dangerous.
I played last week.
It's not the game over there.
No, it's just fucking game.
And the game is basically like a hot cold AB thing.
So you spin it and then I can see where from one to 10
something is.
And I have to make you guess what that number is
based on the prompt.
So let's say it's like,
it's lands like directly in the middle, and I say, and so my thing would be like room temperature,
you would say like in the middle.
In the middle.
So I've had this happen two me specifically,
three times on game night with the same group of people
where the prompt is like.
Willingness to eat other humans.
Is eating, is eating lab-grown human meat
is what the prompt is.
Oh, that's correct.
Every single time they get it incorrect.
What did they get?
Well, they either put like unethical or like in the middle
and I'm like, no, I feel like that's like fully ethical.
Fully ethical?
Yeah.
To eat lab-grown meat never attached to a brain.
Yeah. I guess if they make the meat in agrown meat never attached to a brain. Yeah, I
Guess if they make the meat and a lab doesn't have a soul
It doesn't have a soul because we grew up in cells
Sure, but like when does the when does the soul come into you know?
I don't think it does in the last the second I can perceive itself
Can it perceive itself? No?
Lab meat doesn't have a consciousness interesting. Yeah, so I feel like it's fully ethical to eat
a lab-grown human meat.
And I would.
I just want to try it.
I want to know, because here's my thing.
I just saw that would meet.
Well, it was like a year ago.
What?
Because it's like, I'm dumb.
So I was sitting and I was like,
I think I was like making chicken or steak or something.
I don't know.
And I looked at my own hand and I said,
what parts of the meat?
Because I was like, well, this is skin, where's my meat?
I didn't know it was muscle.
I guess.
I didn't know that, I've never thought about it.
Yeah.
I've never thought about it.
I mean, I was like, yeah, there's meat and there's skin.
And I was like, well, what's my meat?
Well, we have like most fat skin.
Most of steak is like the muscle, the like, the like,
the like, marbleized fat.
Yeah, like back and butt area.
But I'm dumb.
And then chicken you got the boobies.
Yeah, but I'm dumb.
Cause the breast, right?
A breast is a chicken thing.
It's also meat though.
There's our fat.
What do you mean?
And it's also, do you think, okay,
so then that made me think about is human,
is we closer to chicken or cow or pork?
In taste pork.
Not pork, not in taste.
Not so I told, allegedly.
Not in taste in terms of like,
like do we have dark meat and white meat?
Sure.
Or are we all red meat like a cow?
Oh.
Or do we have like dark and white meat like a chicken?
I mean, we do have dark and white meat.
It's what's caused tension for generations.
No, but that's the skin.
I'm talking about our meats. Well, I'm leaving the skin's the skin. I'm talking about our meats.
Well, I'm leaving the skin on.
But I'm talking about the meats.
I guess.
Like, are we, are we just,
like, I want to,
do my drame, are my dramees dark meat?
And then like my breast white.
My, yeah, my pectoral's white.
Yeah, I just want to know what animal we,
but also,
so from when I grow it in the lab,
I want to know what the best meat is.
I think it comes down closest to pork, which is like pork is all the same.
All kind of it's all kind of the same.
Kind of almost red.
It's yeah, it's it's truly pork weirdly kind of halfway between chicken and beef.
Yeah, like kind of.
Yeah, all that white.
So we're pale.
The maleian, mammalian muscles differ from avian muscles by having multiple muscle fiber
types in each muscle.
So we have a secret third meat.
So avian muscles are generally either translucent pink or darker translucent pink while mammalian
muscles are much redder and grainy or in appearance and more opaque.
The color in all cases comes from myoglobin of which fast twitch muscles such as the chicken
breast muscles used in flying have the least and slow twitch, such as muscles used for standing around a long time,
have the most.
So we're all dark meat.
I think so.
I guess we're just closer to like cow meat.
Yeah, cow meat.
So we're tastier.
Yeah, also again, definitely love.
So yeah, when you're watching Hellraiser
and you see the guy like writing help me on the tile
of this blood, you're like,
mm, mm, mm. Oh, this blood, you're like,
they say we taste like pork. I wonder if our blood type makes you taste different.
Because meat is full of blood.
And we have different types of blood.
I wonder if it affects your tenderness or your flavor.
I wonder if vampire color is like,
I know.
I like the thought that in 40 years from now,
when BFT replaces this as a host of the RTP,
and people are going, who are these people?
Bring back our motto.
Where's Andrew?
He has a Andrew took all his money and left
about a fucking cast in a Transylvania,
and only eats lab-grown human meat.
Why?
I like to think that in 40 years from now,
and that's going on, there's going to be a situation
where like they're sitting here hosting the show going,
you know what I was thinking about the other day?
I fucking hate.
Oh, type meat.
You know what I'm talking about?
I was thinking of these exact same thing.
They say it tastes like anything,
but I think it tastes like nothing.
Yeah, whenever I go to starbloods
and I'm trying to get human sandwich,
it just fucking sucks.
It tastes, it tastes 60 printed.
Yeah.
That's important.
It's exactly really gross.
It's deep printed.
Oh my God, was this birthed?
What are you talking about?
What are you doing?
Huh?
Are you sending us a link to 3D printed human meat? No, okay. Thank you. But we had to discuss
something that happened in our writers room the other day. If you want to discuss it, we can't
are you just trying to get us to stop talking about eating people? No, no. I just want you to
fulfill what you really wanted to talk about. Mason, leave this in. Mason, leave this all in. This is just for us.
This is the episode for us now.
This is a real Christmas gift.
God, we're not cutting anything out.
Okay, this game will make you come in 40 seconds.
So, you'll be forced to have sex with ugly grandmothers.
We need different ads.
We need different ads.
You should, this,
Rupert first will make you come and kiss.
Are you bored?
Well, in 40 seconds, I'm going to be bored again.
That's really a problem.
You're not going to laugh.
You're not going to laugh.
Listen to this podcast.
Hot single podcasters are in your area.
Oh my god.
I told you, well, I don't know.
We could bring this up.
But I remember what I told you in the car the other car the other day about the the porn ad that I saw
Why okay, so we'll just talk about it. So I was watching pornography
Yeah, exactly. Oh, we're getting some DP floating. Yeah, speak. No, the photos are DPs
So put another one in the thing
Take a paper leave this is warm. Did you replace the doctor pepper? You
didn't replenish? No. You didn't replenish? That's that. No, she
throw that. There's a camera here. You say empty.
Mason leave this is. No, I guess this is the Christmas gift.
I'll just say Alex, leave this in. I'm so used to saying
Mason. There's there's somebody driving to work going what the fuck is going on?
For those of you only listening, Mondo 3 mostly empty.
There's something out the week before Christmas.
They're listening to this at their parents house like in a bedroom trying to escape going
what the fuck is going on?
Here's the thing.
I just recorded the episode that we did for Christmas.
It was a pre-recorded episode that I did with Blaine and Chris.
It is so good.
It is structured.
We go through a bunch of stuff.
And when I say structured, I mean that it doesn't have a million tangents like this.
We talk about Christmas, childhood.
It's very funny.
And then we talk a lot about what went into making the shows that they made.
This is what you get
Yeah, before that. Yeah, this is the gauntlet you have to get this mentally checking out
This is the page
No, if we did patreon this would be the page
I still care good way. No, I mean, there's a good way
This is what I pay for times I look at the comments and early what you could out the thing
What'd you believe thing? We're not doing that?
That's all you left in you guys want to talk about all the stuff that we bleeped out
That plays in the background
You can't believe it out we already told you were not anything this way
You can't bleep it out. We already told you we're not anything this way.
No, so remember that time you said all that stuff about Trevor,
and we had to cut it out.
I am tired.
Oh my god.
Okay, so this is like the most flawless thing.
We're not going to get a better segue in this.
Speaking of bleeping stuff out, I was watching pornography.
And there was an ad, there was an ad from a, there was an ad featuring a female porn star.
What was it?
I actually don't know what her name is,
but she did not speak very good English.
So, it's a Latin porn,
I'm pretty sure Latin.
Anyway, just because of the accent,
it wasn't Russian.
Anyway, in the ad,
in the ad,
she, they leave bloopers in the ad.
So, in the ad. What's the only bloopers in the ad.
So, they in the ad.
Because Lauren Blooper.
Okay, precisely.
So, like, it's like wrong hole.
So, she was so, he fucked me in the ad.
No. Ha, I'm sorry.
My stepmom's arm is stuck in this ad.
It's so in the ad.
In the ad.
It's ad.
They leave in the bloopers.
They leave in the actress messing up her line.
She's supposed to say like,
browsers is free.
Like right now for whatever,
for Black Friday or whatever,
because this is like before Thanksgiving.
Anyway.
Why didn't they call it Black Friday?
They really should have, really missed opportunity.
So it, the cognitive dissonance that like washed over me,
so to speak, was like,
so she keeps messing up this line,
and they, they're supposed to be funny and cheeky
and they leave it in the ad.
She keeps messing up the line,
but they bleep her saying fuck when she messes up the line.
So it's like,
and the pauses is free, right?
So, tip, bump.
And they bleep it out.
Meanwhile, cutting to people getting,
wow, like people getting destroyed.
Just showing full, full penetrates full frontal
net mill nididav exactly. You can't say fuck, but bleeping it. I can stop laughing. I couldn't even finish jerking off. I was laughing so hard.
Mission accomplished because now you have to come back.
I had to go back. It was so funny to me. You skipped the ad hire. They wait. Well, no, I don't know why I left the ad
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I'm the worst part of foreign.
You told me that you were so blown away by the first time it happened, you went, huh?
And then you watched the whole ad.
That's right.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause like, there's like a bleep, I feel like in the first, like five seconds of the ad,
which is like pre the skip button.
And so you're like, you see the, like, her mess up the line.
And then they bleep it out, immediately cut to someone getting like,
delete, getting a warm D.P.
Getting a warm D.P.
And I'm just like, I'm sorry.
What was the thought process of bleeping out the F word
but then showing like a person getting
like their sugar wall's turned to cotton candy?
Like, this is insane.
It's absolutely turned inside out.
Like, what if you're like literally
figuratively being fucked in the ad?
Whatever you're like transitioning, because you know, like, you have to like
skip around when you're transitioning and trying to get through the ad
and that happens and you laugh and you bust.
Is that, what the?
The leader bad.
Hmm.
I mean, I think you crossed into like,
Georgia stands a food sex like.
I think that there's a.
What are you all a territory? I don't listen. I mean, I think you crossed into like, Georgia stands a food sex like. I think that there's a
whole new territory.
I don't listen.
This episode, if you're listening,
turn it off.
All right.
This is for us.
This one's for us.
This one's for daddy.
There is, there are two different.
That was a title of that of
a dog.
Yeah.
This one's for daddy.
All right, but first we got to hear a word for our sponsors.
This one's for Addy.
Yeah. Ah. Fuck me. Okay. There are for most dudes. There are two different types of jerks.
Okay. There's this one's for daddy jerks. Yep.
Where I am watching the video in its entirety and really enjoying the sensations that I'm feeling.
Yeah, okay. And then there's, I gotta go.
There's the maintenance.
It's not fun. It's not good. You're already jerking before the movie starts playing.
Okay.
This is the these are the mandatory Adobe updates of a human body. It's like fuck me.
I gotta do this again.
Yeah, get the point.
It's before or right after you wake up or fall asleep.
It's like right then.
You jerk off when you wake up.
Then you make you sleepy.
No, that's like a lie.
Sometimes it gets you going.
I jerk off to go to sleep.
Well, no, no, no, no.
Every time.
Both.
Yeah, well, see, that's the one for sleep.
That's for daddy.
Yeah, but they all type, they don't make you tired.
No, not me.
Am I doing it wrong? Yeah, because you all type they don't make you tired. No, not me doing it. Yeah, cuz you you're only doing because women when
When a woman when a woman when a woman come when a woman come when a woman come when a woman
Come when a woman can tell us more about it. He told me more. Yeah, I've never experienced so much about this. When a woman comes. Uh huh. When a woman comes, it apparently just feels so good.
Yeah.
Uh, that's not always the case for dudes.
Like coming is good and it sends off this thing in your brain that goes, good job idiot.
You fucking put more monkeys on the planet.
But like sometimes when it's just the maintenance jerk, it doesn't even feel good.
It just goes, you know how they say a sneeze is like one-sixteenth of an orgasm.
They're talking about a male orgasm.
Yeah, because I never understood that.
No, because sometimes when it's a maintenance jerk, when you come, I don't know why I'm
pointing at you, like I'm putting it up me.
You know when you'm pointing at you. Like I'm putting it up. I mean, you know when you specifically
you'll make it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes I'm fucking pointing at
it.
Yeah, what I'm saying is that sometimes
the maintenance jerk when you,
that's like three sneezes.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
It's not like a,
oh, my entire body.
Oh, I fucking feel it.
It's not always,
it's not always had to tell waves.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
even the maintenance jerks, like real good. That's not always had to tell waves, you have to crash into the shore. Even the main districts, like real good.
That's what I'm saying.
For us, there's times where it's not even fun.
No, it varies.
But even when it's not fun, by the time you nut,
it's like, okay.
It's not, but it's, that's what we're saying is that it's not.
Well, I don't know, I'm looping you into my brain shit.
I mean, really, truly.
You just like, am I spitting bullshit, though?
Or is this?
No, because I feel like there are ones that really are.
It's just like, I gotta clean the pipes.
This is like, again, make that.
This is like routine.
I'm on a lot of transforms.
Don't worry about it.
And a lot of the people will talk about how,
like, nutting in the opposite gender is different.
Like, like, trans guys will be like,
I don't come as hard.
And I, it's kind of making me depressed.
And trans women are like,
hey, how do you guys stop masturbating? Because I've never, I've never in my entire life
experienced anything like this. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, I will say there, it does feel,
I won't go as far to say it's not like fun. There, because like it feels good. Yeah. Yeah. Or else
you wouldn't do it. I don't think I would let the very basic
like animalistic primate.
Yeah.
Like in the corner, like,
prefling poo, it does like.
Cause like in the films,
documentary series that I've seen,
like if it's a man who's like,
you don't jerk in it or whatever,
usually with like another guy, his bro,
his trap, his return to the brother.
Yeah, if you will, whatever.
Well, there it's like, it's like when the come happen.
It's like, oh, I did it.
But then like in my experiences with a woman,
it's like, okay, it's been 30 seconds.
Can you talk now?
Can we talk?
Are you back to planet earth? Can you see again? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you talk now? Can we talk? Are you back to planet earth?
Can you see again?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you here?
No, no, no.
But that's the difference between I'm talking about jerking.
Yeah, you never paralleled play with a woman.
Well, yes, but I would consider that.
And you finish and then you're like waiting for her to finish.
You're waiting for her to come off of the astral plane.
Exactly.
To come back into this world of coil. Yeah, to come back into this world.
Yeah, coil.
Yeah.
That's I would still consider.
The white arise to speak.
I would consider that, even though it is still jerking,
it is still like an act of sex.
We are engaging together.
Yeah.
We're having this thing.
Yeah, I'm saying.
I wouldn't I wouldn't use one of my maintenance jerks for that
where I'm just like fucking.
Did I? Yeah. I have to see him shoot shoot dice in the alley. Have you fucking seen full metal jacket? No, the whole not the poor parody full metal
jacket. The look that what's your face has? Yeah, the Kubrick stare. Yeah, the Kubrick's there. That's the maintenance jerk when you just
How did I get here? I fucking hate Burger King's chicken
You can't even trick off
So what I'm saying is a burger chicken sandwich is like a meat and it's jeric.
Correct.
And the Popeyes chicken sandwich, specifically the one that we always go to.
It's a sad thing.
It's for dad.
It's a sad though.
That's a lesbian.
That's a lesbian.
That's a lesbian come.
Yeah.
You start like moving in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When a chicken sandwich.
When a chicken sandwich come.
When a chicken sandwich, when a chicken sandwich, cool.
When a chicken sandwich, come.
Come.
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It's such a fun show.
Oh my god.
Are we having to do an R.T.
It's good.
I feel like we can guys do multiples.
Yes.
But we just need a second.
No, I mean like,
and that second becomes longer and longer the older you get.
No, not like back to back
I mean like why it's happening anything is something that he's back up. No, so we my partner and I actually
recently talked about this how like when a woman come when a woman. It's only funny to me now,
but there's like this thing where like there's the differences, they were describing it as like, tiny combs and big combs.
Yeah, there's different, yeah.
We don't have that.
No?
We just have like, combs.
Because like sometimes it'll be like,
you like, okay, this is done, but then like,
there's the Mr. Peanut and Baby Not.
Yeah, we only have, there's no Baby Not.
You only have Mr. Peanut,
because like the baby not is like, also very good.
But then the baby not can turn into a Mr. Peanut.
Yeah, you, like how like,
you'll be like, this is the finished, oh no, it's not.
Oh, interesting.
Here's the way to, so like, when a man nut,
when a man nut, it's a movie.
You know what I'm saying?
Like you watch the whole movie.
When a woman nut, it could be like a Pixar movie
where you get the little Pixar short.
Yeah, the short.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. get the little Pixar short. Yeah. Yeah.
And sometimes that Pixar short leads into a full length.
A full fucking movie.
Yeah.
Does that make sense?
Yes, it does.
Yeah.
Just like what's into it?
What a woman would do.
What a true toy story.
Okay, so that's the other thing.
Okay. You guys, okay, do you guys get my, okay, so that's the other thing. Okay.
You guys, okay, do you guys get my, okay,
so my algorithm thinks that I am both a Mexican and Asian man.
Yes, because you hang out with us.
But I don't know why it thinks I'm Asian also.
Well, it's because I hang out with you guys.
Well, no, it's because you're black,
but not a black man and it goes,
oh, Asian.
Asian, yeah. And so my algorithm, but not a black man. And it goes, oh, Asian. Asian, yeah.
And so my algorithm, I get a lot of weird stuff.
And one of the things I get on the man side
is those like fucked up controller jerk off machines
that they target to men.
Yeah.
It looks like a video game controller.
Oh, yeah, looks like a steam deck, but it's a stream deck.
But it's got like a flashlight in the middle.
Yeah. That's like a joystick controlled.
And I get ads for those all the time.
And I have to imagine, that seems overkill
for what you guys are describing to me.
Or is that the way that you guys achieve
the female orgasm?
So finally.
I just talked about this on the always open
that we did for extra life.
and they always open that we did for extra life.
Men have sex toys that go from zero to 100.
Yeah, that's what they have to appear to be. Yeah, we have like flesh lights,
which are the easiest.
That's like manual.
Yeah, and then it goes directly from flesh lights
and then like regular stuff like butt plugs. Yeah, sure, it goes it goes directly from flesh lights and then like you know regular stuff like butt plugs
Yeah, sure sure the manual stuff. Yeah to hey, do you want to spend $4,000 on the bottom half of a woman?
But I have like a robot woman that will like sheng sung suck your soul
Yeah,, it is upsetting.
It's got fucking balls in the asshole
that vibrate you until you die.
Yeah, it's so like that's kind of the weird thing we're like,
I feel like when you have an Audi,
you have so much more options.
If you buy one of those, they will not print your orbit.
Because it's too upsetting.
It precludes you legally for not having an obituary.
I feel like if I was a dude, I'd be like,
well, I'm gonna buy that.
You, so.
But I also don't know the sensitivities around having an outy.
Please know that none of you outside of there are on camera,
and so they won't necessarily know it's you.
But I'm gonna make a statement
and I just want you, yes or no, not.
Every dude at some point while they're jerking
thinks about buying it and stops jerking for a second
to go look at how much it is.
And then you not, and you go,
oh that's funny, that much fucking money on this thing.
Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah. That's what happened.
It was a cost like a like a lot more than a piece of that.
More than a PS5? Sometimes. Not a real doll. I'm talking about the joy.
No, no, yeah, yeah. The joystick thing is probably going to be like, big 100, yeah, like
it's a PS5. 100 bucks. But the thing is, is like, that is just a different feeling of doing
the thing that we can already do.
So it doesn't feel good, or?
It feels marginally good.
Because like, when a woman comes, you have option of, you have option of buzz rumble.
Penetration.
Yeah, I'm not even talking about that.
I'm trying to own the outside.
On the outside.
You have buzz, you have rumble and you have suck.
I know.
And those are the worst transformers.
But those are also, they're also usually three different price points.
I said that I'm a giant deal.
Sam pushed the deal to in my post.
Again, that's a different category.
Dicky.
Just those two are this category over here. And then that's a different category. Sam Dickey. Just those two are in this category. Oh wow.
Over here.
And then that's a separate category.
And they're usually price point based.
Like, if you get to suck, you're spending a minimum $70.
Just to get to suck.
And all sometimes suck not good.
I, sorry, this is all gold, but I've been replaying the term
in my head.
Auto Cox, blow out over into the front.
So I would say, there's a lot more subtle options,
I would say with the female sex choice.
A lot because the post nuts for women,
I feel like is a much more protracted
and intubly,
intubly, glorious process is a much more like, protracted and, innuably, innuably,
innuably glorious process.
Where's that line?
Where's that line?
Well, it's not stressful.
I think like,
so clean up.
That's okay.
That's exactly what I'm getting,
getting to.
Is if you paid,
like the moment I want everyone out there
who's even thinking about,
even thinking about buying like a $500 to $1,000
comic extractor, because at that point,
that's what it is.
It's a milking machine.
It's like a milking machine.
It is like, so you light some candles,
you put some soft music, you're gonna,
it's this one's for daddy.
Yes.
And you strap this machine to yourself.
It extracts the poison.
And then you have to exist with the post-nut clarity
when like the universe in you,
just your consciousness extends to the farthest
reaches of the universe.
You're completely empty.
And you have to exist sitting there in your own goo
with a $500 to a $1,000 device
trapped yourself, there is no more like,
what the fuck am I doing moment?
There is.
Oh.
Because it gets worse.
I post to you that that sucks,
but then you have to go to take it off of you.
That's what I'm saying.
No, I didn't know.
And then go walk to the shower and fucking wash it out.
Yeah, you have to get a cup brush.
Yes.
From, from, from, I'm like, you could do it, but then you come.
And then you have to put it in a place in your closet,
in your house where your partner won't find it.
You got to dry it out, she don't want to get the moldy.
Yes, exactly. That's the other thing.
Oh, the fucking dish rack next to your sink.
So it's like, oh, here's a couple of glasses or like a pitcher. Also, comic extractor.
Nine months later, you're buying a special cream for it because the ass cheeks are getting
flaky. Yeah, but also it feels like to me, the ones that are not human shaped or human
esk, are they look like gaming peripherals? Yes. And I feel like that's easier to get away
with in the men in the man's room. Sure.
Do you know what?
I said it next year.
If you put it next year, PS5, who the fuck is gonna know?
Yeah. Oh, is that the new Oculus?
Like, no, it's a calculus.
I would not put that next to your eyes.
My man.
No, no, I could get that with my face.
I guess the worst part about all of this is maybe that like,
you know, it's better than any sex toy.
Fucking without question.
That's the worst part.
That's the worst part about male sex stuff is the best sex toy or the best sex toy.
Well, no, no, no, let me finish.
Please let me.
No, because some men are gay
the best sex toy is
Compared to good sex I would for a man for a man
I would fully
No, no, no, no, no for a man for a man for the Audi
I would say for an Audi for an Audi
The best sex toy that we have is like it's fine for compared to like having sex.
Yeah, whereas every sex toy for a woman is there because sex with men is so fucking
terrible. That's why I'm always telling my straight friends. I'm just like dude, let her
use a toy when you're having sex. It's gonna be better for everybody. You want to get more
phone? Oh, 100%. Yeah% yeah, get the toys in there
I'm
There's also this weird fucking stigma against it where like so many dudes get so weirded out by it or like
I know you didn't hit clip. I'm sorry. It's not good. Yeah. Oh, also there's the fucking hack joke of like well
Homeless supposed to that's like I'm a minor leaker and that's Barry bonds. Oh, oh, yeah
That's every fucking
head comic. But yeah, exactly. But the best part is is like I've been in four different
relationships where I've been like, oh, yeah, you should use it. And then I'm going to sit
next to you and tell you good things about yourself. No, you can also be there. Oh, yeah.
No, I take put in it. But what I'm saying is that like if you're just like, yes, this is good and I'm into it.
So then we become the best coolest person alive.
If I had to put it, if you're a man who is having sex
with a woman in the traditional heterosexual sense,
if you let her like use a vibe during,
that's like having a game shark.
That's what I'm saying.
It's a game shark.
That's what I'm saying.
Although it gives you extra lives. Yes, but unlike the game shark. That's what I'm saying. It's a game shark. That's what I'm saying. Although it gives you extra lives. Yes. But unlike the game shark does not in my mind diminish the victory at all.
No. No. Everybody's getting off. Everyone's having a good time. It's tremendous. Yeah. Also,
the game shark didn't diminish my victory at all. I had a lot of you. So the lot of you. And I was
fucking tapping that lot of you. That lot of you, it doesn't matter.
When a woman comes,
yeah.
What was the picture you were looking
on your phone?
Which picture?
I don't know, Tyler sent you a picture.
Oh, he sent me a picture of me writing on our own board
saying, does asparagus make your come smell weird?
Does it?
Because I wrote it on the board.
Yes.
It does?
Why?
Is there pee in my cup?
Probably the same reason that it makes your pee smell weird? Is there pee in my pipe? Probably the same reason that it makes
your pee smell weird. Is there pee in come? Hey everybody, thank you so much for joining us. We
hope that this was a special episode for you as it was for us and sometimes you got to do one for
daddy. And this one was one for daddy. This was definitely one for daddy. I've been Armando Torres. I've been Andrew Roses when a woman comes
and we'll see you at your local burger king. That's right. See you next week folks. Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas