Tell Em Steve-Dave - #595: Kojak Fever
Episode Date: April 29, 2024Tom Brady runs afoul of fans, Walt runs afoul of the missus, super-centenarians, Barry Manilow, Swiftie revenge, Breast feeding and cloth diapers....
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I just got fucking water fucking under control.
I got to fucking go on a milk regiment too.
Well do you want to be a hundred and ten?
I do.
You want to be a super centenarian?
I do.
That's how we had all those pianos, man.
The cloth diapers and the titty mill.
Tell him Steve, Dave.
Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Him Steve, Dave.
Walt's here, of course, and BQ.
Hello.
After braving the traffic of Staten Island in New Jersey, he finally got here after an
hour and 10 minutes.
I can't fucking deal with anything anymore, man.
I'm at that part of the season where I'm just like, fuck it.
Fuck everything.
Yeah.
So traffic didn't help.
Yeah.
Everybody's trying to get to Staten Island.
Where are they going?
Apparently Jersey.
I don't know.
I'm used to that.
Today's what? Thursday? Thursday.
Yeah. Yeah. In the summer, in the summer, can't even attempt it on a Friday. That traffic,
that level of traffic starts at like 11 a.m. But Thursday's, especially when it's not even
a warm out, it's usually a breeze. Why is it so paramount that everybody get out of
Staten Island when it gets warm? Well, I don't think it's that everybody get out of Staten Island when it gets warm Well, I don't think it's that everybody gets out of Staten Island said Staten Island is if you're going to Jersey from all parts
New York you have to go through Staten Island. So you get all the boroughs those fucking shitty other boroughs
Plowed through us to get yeah to get to Jersey and plus, you know half the plates there Jersey plates, so it's
Freaks from the other side of the river.
That's the way I feel about New York people. On my way here today, I'm in the passing lane
and there's somebody from New York going 40 miles an hour. I'm like, what the fuck is
it with these New York people? Why do they got to come here and go slow?
I had this thought the other day. I was driving behind the Jersey guy going over the Verrazano
and he's in the fucking left lane and he's going slow and he's got that fucking yellow
plate that I know is going to cause me headache, right? And I'm like,
and I said to myself like, I was like these fucking Jersey pieces of shit. And then I'm
like, we're never going to solve racism or bigotry ever.
You can't even get Jersey.
I'm like, literally like I like Jersey is a different tribe. Like I don't even know
who's what color they are, who they are, religion. Literally they live like two miles over a
river. And I'm like, fuck you, fuck you for life, you they are religion. Literally they live like two miles over a river and I'm like fuck you, fuck you for life you piece of shit.
All because we don't drive to your liking.
Yeah, that's right.
That's correct.
Wow, how far we've advanced.
I have no doubt that people are behind me going, come on you fucking asshole. It's just the rules of the road.
But my gosh, the tribalism is like, it's instant.
It is and it's long standing.
I've been going back and rewatching All in the Family and the number of shots they take
at Jersey.
Oh really?
For that big from Queens.
Oh that's funny.
Yeah, they take a lot of shots at Jersey.
The shame. I take a lot of shots at Jersey. Shame. I, me and Gideon were driving to the post office today and I, I lashed out at a
driver for not using their signal, you know, turning into the post office.
Yeah.
And then lo and behold, I was waiting for him to come out of the post office.
I'm sitting on my car and I saw this like ancient 110 year old woman struggling to get into her car and I looked at the car
and I was like, Oh God, it was the car. I was so mad at, I mean, I mean, she didn't
know I blew up in the car. Only again, I took the brunt of it.
You stupid motherfucker. You drive like her, don't you?
But I felt really bad though, that you don't feel that way as a New York driver. I don't
think you guys would feel remorse or guilt
for like...
No. In that situation, I'd be like, get this fucking old bag off the road. Take away her
fucking license.
Like how long have you had to learn to use a signal and you're still not using it?
God, the old broad. Get the fuck, fly out of here, you bat. Die already. That's all
these things I would say. I believe, before I blacked out, I was so mad.
I said, just because you got a fucking handicapped fucking plate doesn't mean you don't have
to use your fucking blinker.
Yeah.
And then I was like, oh my God, she was so handicapped.
I was like, she never has to use a blinker again.
But she does.
No.
But she fucking does.
I know, but you got gotta give her to pass though if you look I I
My days of yelling at other drivers are over
You know if you would yell to the old woman
I didn't yes, I'm saying but if you're in your car and you're blowing off a little steam to get them over there like
You shouldn't feel bad
Sorry
It's it's very common with old people
I remember I was on Main Street once you know in Port Monmouth and I'm driving and all of a sudden
like, this lady has stopped in the middle of Main Street.
So I hit my brakes and I'm like, what is she doing?
And she stops to let somebody out of a side street.
Because old people think they're being nice.
When really what you're doing is endangering yourself and everyone around you.
What street were you on?
I was on Main Street.
In what town?
In Port Mammoth.
Oh, okay.
All right.
So, you know, it's like you don't just stop.
I almost rear-ended her.
I was like, what the fuck is she doing?
She stopped to let somebody out of a side street.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I mean, these are – at the end of the day though, there's some – you
know, those old people though, they have just as much right to that road as we do.
They absolutely do if they use it correctly. Yeah. Yeah., they have just as much right to that road as we do. They absolutely do.
If they use it correctly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You would have been well within your rights to road rage on.
Oh no.
Like get out and be like, you old fucking bitty.
And some of those old people are fucking pedophiles.
It's not like they're innocent just because they're old.
They're fucking aged monsters.
And they probably have records.
Yeah.
They're fucking, they beat their wives.
They fucking steal from each other.
It's not like they're innocent just cause they got blue hair.
Fuck them.
Fuck the young and fuck the old. I can tell it's a queue over an hour to get here.
I'm fucking pissed man, that traffic killed me.
Yeah.
I saw something Walt, I thought of you immediately and you probably know this
already, that Tom Brady is in the soup and not the super bowl, but in the proverbial soup, isn't he retired? Yeah, why are people still picking picking on him?
Tom Brady super fans shelled out thousands for his autograph in a Miami event or outraged after they say they were left with illegible scribbles on
their valuables. Oh
Really, but sources close to the situation. This is gives Tom Brady the out a little bit
Insists that he was just as hoodw gives Tom Brady the out a little bit, insist
that he was just as hoodwinked by the outing as they were.
Somebody said that they would much rather have him not sign what they got because he
defaced their stuff.
I think what happened was, so 100 people forked over $3,600 for VIP tickets to a weekend business
conference where Brady was one of the speakers.
The price of the ticket included dinners, a cruise, a museum tour and front row seats
to Brady's address plus a meet and greet and casual autograph signing.
I guess that people who brought stuff said that Tom Brady says or Tom Brady's camp says
that it was only supposed to be for a few select VIP people in this gathering, but everybody
brought shit.
So Tom didn't want to sign stuff for a hundred plus people.
Now he's catching shit for it.
I would have never paid $3,600 to receive the signature I got today.
How – I guess this is his signature that he normally, that he normally has.
It's kind of a scribble anyway, but sure.
It looks a little bit scribbly.
It doesn't look that like recognizable as a Tom Brady signature.
It kind of looks like Brian Johnson kind of fucking on a.
Yeah.
It's like, what does that say?
I thought it was real.
On a bicycle, fucking signed it on his like, as he rode by.
Like Steve-O got his tattoo while he was driving in a truck.
That's the tattoo.
I mean, that is rough.
Yeah, it's a little rough.
I mean, it's too bad he just doesn't do TB.
Like, you know, I know, you got it easy.
You just got to put that cue on.
I did that for a while.
I just dropped the cue on and nobody complained.
What do you mean you dropped the cue?
I would just do a queue.
Oh yeah, I think that's totally fine.
I'd be happy with that.
Yeah, nobody ever complained about it.
And sometimes I'll just do the whole thing.
Most times I'll do the whole thing because, I don't know.
You're a good guy.
Well there's those dudes that meet you like the, you know, there's the people that meet
you at the airport or show up at your hotel like a poster board with like 50
fucking things for you to sign.
Those guys are annoying.
Like I'll do a Tom Brady ass signature for them.
I'll do a quick like, you know, fucking no type thing.
Brady was completely blindsided a source, a close source said this is supposed to be
signatures for VIPs of the conference, not for his biggest collectors. He, he was told the event would be a simple signing of books and photographs,
not an official event where collectors would be able to gather authenticated
autographs on valuable memorabilia.
So Tom Brady said, fuck that shit.
I got a feeling Tom will do right by those people.
And, uh, if he can, he'll maybe he'll send them something, each of them something
signed.
Think so?
You know, with a very.
With a swooping T. Super nice.
Block letters.
Super nice.
Yeah.
I mean, that is a lot of money to spend for a signature.
It is.
One of the people said, I still blame Tom for a lot of this.
I understand why he was upset in his shoes.
I would have been pissed off too, but he let his emotions get the best of them.
And he didn't hurt the promoters.
He hurt those of us that were there with items.
Representatives for Brady declined to comment.
He could have not just signed it or did he agree he would sign it?
I think that the promoter was like, Hey, he's going to sign all your shit.
And somebody else told Tom Brady, Hey, you know what all you got to do is sign a couple of things.
It'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.
What are you going to do?
I mean, look, technically, he did what he said he was going to do.
Those are not great signatures.
No.
Tom Brady, golden boy, catching a little bit of shit.
Somebody had a pair of his shoes, I guess.
They have their, uh, all their, uh, what's it called?
Their Superbowl stuff.
I had an aunt come in and he told me it would have been amazing.
He was at some sort of yacht event, a yachting event
and Tom Brady was there.
Like a boat show or an actual yacht race?
I don't remember the details exactly, but Tom Brady was there and he came into a gymnasium
or some sort of warehouse or something where it was this aunt and another guy working on something and it
was Brady and some handler.
It was only four people in the room, in this giant room.
Brady came over to them and started talking to them about whatever they were doing for
the event.
He asked him, he's like, hey, I listened to this podcast.
He goes, there's one guy in there who really digs you.
Could you just say, hey, this is Tom Brady.
You're listening to Tell Him Steve Dave.
He took his phone and he was about to record it and his handler was like, Tom, I don't
think that's a good idea.
I don't think you saw – you don't know anything about that.
Really?
Well, he's not wrong.
And he goes, yeah, you're probably right.
He goes, I can't do it.
But he said he reached for the phone.
He didn't have the phone in his hand, but he reached for it.
But his handler put the gabosh on it.
Oh, God damn it.
It's basically, it's almost as, to me, that's almost as good as having it.
It's pretty close, but fucking handler, big mouth handler, doing his job like he
ought to.
Yeah, that's probably, that's good looking out there actually.
I ran into that a couple of times at cons with like people from The Walking Dead,
even though like we were sort of, you know of related at the time being on the same network, there were still a couple of people
like, no, no.
Their handlers, not them, but their handlers would say, no, I don't think that's a good
idea.
Right.
Because they don't know what we're talking about.
We could be like an ultra right wing podcast.
Yeah, and then the next thing you know, they're catching shit.
Yeah.
Tom Brady not only won't sign autographs but associated with tell him Steve Dave.
Like something a four-year-old did, simply inexcusable attendees are saying.
Oh my God.
They're really angry.
Yeah.
Well, if you go from like, you just got to sign a couple things to like, hey, you have
to sign hundreds of pieces of memorabilia so that these people can turn around and sell
them. Yeah. Probably.
You know, I know somebody who, who spends a lot of dough on signatures.
We do.
We all do.
Yeah.
And, uh, I think I'm surprised he hasn't, he wasn't at this event and I guarantee
you he would not be bitching and moaning about the signature.
He would just have been happy to be in Brady's presence.
You've been spending that much?
Even spending that much.
I don't think, I don't think this guy would, you know, throw a little hissy fit
and stamp his feet and go online and bitch and moan.
I think he would just be like, you know, I, I was in his presence.
That was good enough.
For 3,600?
And you think you're going to get stuff like, like you're told, not you think you're
told.
You know, you saw him sign it.
What more do you want? And you got everything else. You got the cruise, you're told, not you think, you're told. You know you saw him sign it, what more do you want?
And you got everything else, you got the cruise, you got the food, you got the front row seats.
How much really was that legible signature worth in that money?
I guess a lot in terms of turning around and being able to resell it because it's hard
to get it authenticated.
Yeah, yeah.
I get it, I wouldn't have done what he did.
I think you just suck it up and you just sign
it. But what do I know? He's the greatest, right?
I don't think there's any question. I don't know why you say right after that.
I don't know why you put the little right after that sentence.
Just making sure we all agree.
Get them, we're talking a little bit before we're
Walton get them have taken to watching Kojak here.
Yeah, I saw that when I came in, you guys are.
Yeah, I fucked up bad.
Why?
He's in trouble.
Um, well, Kojak isn't streaming anywhere.
Okay.
But it is on Amazon Prime.
Right. And only one season is available. But it is on Amazon Prime. Right.
And only one season is available.
I think it's season two and it said you
could buy season two for $1.79.
And I was like, I immediately fucking just
started smashing the button to buy button for
$1.79 for the fucking price.
So they ran out.
It turns out I brought 25 episodes at a dollar
a buck 70.
Oh shit.
And now I got to go home and tell the missus that,
you know, there's a $50 charge for Kojak when
we're trying to like, you know, we're trying to
put save and be frugal.
And, you know, all of a sudden I've just
announced that, Hey, I spent $50 on Kojak and
she's like, going to be, how do I explain that?
I was going to have get them, but take the
phone and I'll be like, he fucking was on our
Amazon account and he fucking, his fat fingers
fucking hit the wrong button and.
It's gotta get personal.
And I can't just blame it on get them.
But I brought 25 episodes of buck 79 and now I don't know what.
Somewhere in an accounting department is like a chart with a fucking Southern Kojaks.
Like where is this in some little town in New Jersey?
We went from a crazy for Kojak.
We've sold 2000% more than we've ever sold.
And then Gatum kind of maybe like know, maybe feel stupid because he's like,
well, if it was $1.79 for 25 episodes, why wouldn't they just give it away for free?
Why would you even charge $1.79 for 25?
You had to just think it didn't make any sense.
Well, you don't understand how contracts work.
Maybe they're not allowed to do that.
You know?
But what do you do when you go home and you gotta break into it?
If I'm you?
Yeah.
And I control the tell them Steve Dave purse strings?
I don't mention it to me and Brian.
I go home and I say, yeah, we bought some stuff for the episode research.
Pass it right off to the fucking Patreon.
That's me.
You know what they say?
It's a write off. It is a write off. Patreon money as well. That's me.
It's a write off.
It is a write off. I'm on her card though.
Well, it's so shame reimbursant from telling Steve Dave is what I would have
done too late now, now we're looking at it right now.
It does say by season two for a dollar 79, but then it says by episode one for
a dollar 99, I can't figure it out.
I don't know what you said or though, like a grown man, a breadwinner who's afraid of
his wife for an accidental $50 charge or do I feel sad or forget him?
He's like, he's just a simple boy.
Like Debbie has to-
Fat idiot with fat fingers.
Yeah.
I think it might be sad or forget him.
Well, she knows he goes onto our Amazon Prime though.
Because he's always watching our fucking cams.
He's always telling me what's going on in front of my house.
She's comfortable with that.
Well, it's the outside of our house.
He can see our driveway and our front yard and she doesn't think that's a bad idea because
he's hipped us to shit in the past.
Has he really?
Yeah. Like what? There's a delivery guy out there right now.
I love it.
I love it.
So I could easily throw him under the bus
and be like, that fucking idiot.
Yeah.
You know, he thought he was doing good,
and he didn't know.
The fake phone call follows in front of Deb.
You stupid, you upset my wife.
You stupid, you upset my wife.
You stupid, you upset my wife. You stupid, you upset my wife. You stupid, you upset my wife.
Could you get her into Kojak?
No, I've tried to get her into all the shows.
She has no patience for all the shows.
All right, because that would have been an out too.
It could have been.
Is she caught Kojak fever?
Yeah, it's hard to catch Kojak fever.
I don't know, I was wondering here a little bit.
I think I got a little, a little. Yeah, I think it's easier for you than, and the people we know rather than the, than her.
I don't think you have entertained that this is a great show, but I love it.
And I'll be, I'll be, if anybody wants an autograph, I'll sign it, I'll allegedly for
$2.
And if I can just get 25 people.
Well maybe think though is there was a kidnapping and then Gitem said that if he were kidnapped,
would you pay up?
Now I see you sweating over this $50, this potential $50 charge.
I don't know what his ransom is going to be.
Non-refundable too.
That's what he worked for.
Why are they coming to us though?
Who else are they going to go to?
Will his father be the first person?
They went to him.
They couldn't reach him.
And his dad is just a regular guy.
He sees you.
He's like, oh, that guy was on TV.
The other guy is on TV.
Everybody is on fucking TV.
They must have some TV money.
Yeah.
And who's kidnapping?
What gang is this?
This is like the fucking –
It's like MS-13.
It looks super brutal.
There's a tire filled with like gasoline around his neck.
Just like, pass.
Look at the necklace.
It sounds more like the Apple dumpling gang Gang than fucking MS-13 because of the motherfucking
piss poor mismanagement of like committing a fucking felony and you're going to kidnap
him.
Get him.
Get him.
Yeah.
You're going to nab him?
Like don't go to the cops.
We'll kill him.
Click.
Yeah.
I want proof. Proof of life. Proof of life. Yeah. Well, he just told us about a fucking boring ass Walmart boot story.
Oh, fuck. Thank God he's still alive.
Yeah, he's alive and kicking. And he told it to us three times.
Three times. Once was too much. Which is like, you just leave him with them as punishment to them?
Oh man.
What sort of paycheck do you think you're going to give over?
Forget them.
What would you be willing to go out of pocket?
Forget them?
I mean, it depends on how much they're asking. They ask you an exorbitant amount.
If they're like, we want $10,000 from each of you.
Let's say $25,000. They want $25,000 from each of us.
From each of us.
Yeah.
Forget them safe return.
We run down to the general store, record a quick podcast, put it up on Bandcamp.
See how much we can get.
See how much we can get. If it gets to can get. And if it gets to 25, great.
Well, really, we need 75.
It's 25 each.
Oh, 25 each.
Oh, fuck.
I don't think we're, yeah, I don't know.
Okay, well, yeah, it's going to take more, it's going to take multiple episodes of bonus
pods on Bandcamp to get that much money.
Well, if you're not fucking blowing everything on a project, who might have something?
Wow. I think personally, if they were like, you got to kick in 25, and you guys were like,
yeah, we're going to do it.
Yeah, we kick in 25.
Oh no, I don't negotiate with terrorists.
No?
No.
No, I don't negotiate with terrorists.
You do it once, they're going to kick us in.
Well, I got to follow suit though.
What am I supposed to do?
Sorry, sorry.
Did you have a bad experience?
No, but it's just like, if you're giving away free shit, they're going to keep showing
up.
You can't do it.
What if they kidnap Boris?
I'll give $25,000 for that.
Yeah, no problem.
They just start negotiating?
Yeah, just get him back to me without a whiskers arm.
No, obviously, yeah.
We do a live show or something like that, right?
We could raise it with a live show. Yeah. We could get him back.
Yeah.
Couldn't we just send in Troy to fucking save him?
Troy, like who? He's like fucking John Wick or something going in there?
He's the only one that I know that would be capable, I think, of rescuing him.
He's like, I'll do it, but I'm going to need some backup. This is like off the books. I can't be telling anybody about this.
So you know him best.
You got to come with me.
You can sit in the car.
Where do I got to go?
I mean, I have to go with the travels to out of state.
Uh, maybe, maybe like down South Jersey somewhere.
And like the Pine Barrens.
Yeah, that's where the handoff is.
Yeah, I could, uh, I could hit the Red Robin down in brick.
Yeah, on the way.
You don't even wait until you got him.
Then you stop at AC.
Oh no, I lost all the ransom money.
Shit.
I didn't think I'd play that many hands.
I can't, I'd play that many hands.
I can't, I mean, just watch it. I can't believe you got Kojak for $1.79 for the whole second season.
Yeah, I don't think I did.
I, I'm.
It says though, it did say right up there.
Season two, $1.79.
Well, let's hope.
Let's cross our fingers.
Season four, $1.99.
You should roll the dice again.
How many seasons were there? Five.
Five.
Okay.
Okay.
Can't recommend it enough.
Better than Perry Mason?
Oh, I think so.
I've watched Perry Mason and I think this is more enjoyable for the out, just ridiculously
over the top dialogue and the backgrounds.
Like on location 70s New York, it's fucking
riveting to watch what's going on around in the background.
Oh, wow.
I didn't realize it was New York.
Yeah.
It filmed On Location in some of those grungiest, grittiest backdrops that they just had access
to and it just is riveting.
You can watch it on so many different levels. Yeah. I think I'm going to check it just, it's riveting. Like you, you could watch it on so many different levels.
Yeah.
It's really enjoyable.
Yeah.
Like we, like it was on Pluto and we were fucking, we were jonesing for it.
And then they took it away a couple of nights ago and I was just in my, my
living room and I crestfallen when they, when they stopped showing it on Pluto.
I thought he downloaded everything illegally anyway.
He couldn't, he couldn't swipe code.
He was not allowed to do that in the general store anymore
and we got a letter.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Oh, did you get one?
My wife forbid him.
She got the letter.
She takes care of the cop gas bill.
And she was like, that fucking fat-fingered idiot.
Fat-fingered motherfucker.
Why won't somebody kidnap his ass?
He was downloading fucking Star Trek, I think.
She's like, what's this?
I'm like, I don't know.
You know I don't like Star Trek. Are we I'm like, I don't know. I don't care.
You know I don't like Star Trek.
Are we going to get in trouble?
That's funny man.
That happened at the other store too, right?
Wasn't it?
No.
I don't think he ever got – did you ever get caught at the stash?
It wasn't him.
No.
I think it was somebody else.
It was.
We did get a letter.
Yeah.
Carol got a letter about someone illegally downloading content
and Mike and Get em both were like, you know, that's Spider-Man me but they're pointing
at each other.
Oh yeah, yeah.
They both were like, he did it, he did it, he did it. And I believe Get em. I think he
would tell me the truth at this point. I think he would gleefully tell me it was him, like,
kind of like, you know.
Yeah.
Got em.
Yeah, grinning ear to ear. But you know, the fact that he maintains he still didn't do it tells me everything.
Right.
But this person evidently had tweeted that they watched this show.
Oh, that's right.
Yes.
Yes.
They sort of busted themselves.
Nobody asked me if I was the culprit.
I don't know why.
Yeah, I think probably with your technological know-how.
What was the show?
What was the show?
I guess you could say that it was a show.
It was a show.
It was a show. It was a show. It was a show. I was the culprit. I don't know why. Yeah, I think probably with your technological know-how.
What was the show?
What was the show?
I guess it was Picard, right?
The one at the Stash.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine?
Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
I'm glad you're getting in trouble for that show.
It's on Netflix.
Is it good?
I don't think so.
But then again, I'm not an Andy Samberg guy.
I don't really care for him too much.
There's an Andy Samberg here.
I don't know.
I'm not going to be able to get in trouble for that show.
I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show.
I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show.
I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show.
I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show.
I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show. I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show. I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show. I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show. I'm going to be able to get in trouble for that show. It's on Netflix. Is it good? I don't think so. But then again, I'm not an
Andy Samberg guy. I don't really care for him too much. There's an Andy Samberg hater here.
Yeah? Yeah. He never bothered me. I find him inoffensive. Yeah. I never watched
Brooklyn Night Night, but didn't he make a really fucking funny movie? One of their movies is like-
Is good? Really good. I can't remember which one.
I'm not sure.
It was the lonely Island guys. I don't know. I like their stuff. So who knows?
Check it out.
I don't even know where they are anymore.
Walt, I was also thinking about you today because I read this story that a guy has
lived in New Jersey, man, uh,
lives to is, is 110 years old,
lives on his own and drives daily.
Of course.
Tips on longevity.
Yeah, that was probably him.
You were.
Yeah.
That was a lady that I saw.
That was a lady.
He's a former firefighter too, Q.
Yeah?
Yep.
Now this was the one thing about the article that really made me think like, I wonder why,
because they call them super centenarians.
Centenarians.
Yep, super centenarians, centenarians.
Yep.
Super centenarians.
110 and still there.
People that are a hundred plus.
I mean, I think you say that and you, and you kind of gloss over how incredible
that is to be 110 and still be driving.
I don't think you give that as much, um, recognition because that's.
He still says he drives pretty good.
Very, very rare to be able to drive at 110.
Did you get in the car with him, Q?
Um, to do what?
He's going to take you, um, he's going to go run some errands.
His errands.
Probably not.
Probably don't want to spend my time doing this.
He's also going to give you some of his life lessons and some wisdom.
He's going to tell you the secrets to longevity and how to make it to 110.
But you've got to go on his errands and he's got to drive.
I would do that.
I would like to hear what he has to say.
Not about living longer. he's gotta drive. I would do that. I would like to hear what he has to say. Not about living longer.
It's like whatever.
I'm sure it's out of his control, but like what lessons did he learn in 110 years?
His regrets and the things that he's glad he did and the things that he's not maybe
so happy he did.
Correct.
He said he smoked cigarettes for 20 years.
He worked his whole life from 15 to 70 and he eats whatever he likes including hamburgers,
milk chocolate and Italian food, has an occasional beer, drinks coffee every day and is amused
by people who run.
He laughs at people who jog.
He's like, where are they running to?
That's what he says.
He credits luck, milk and doing what he loves for his long and healthy life.
Milk?
Yeah.
He says he drinks a lot of milk.
I don't drink any milk, man.
No?
No.
He was drinking milk and eating well because he lived on it and worked on a
farm when he was young.
So he got, he got started in milk.
It gave him some good bones.
The last time I had a glass of milk, I couldn't even tell you.
I just don't, yeah.
I mean.
Well, what do you really drink milk with aside from like cookies and
cake and stuff like that?
Yeah.
Cereal.
Well, I thought, is that drinking milk?
Yeah.
You're not a cereal guy.
Yeah.
But I just got fucking water fucking under control.
I got a fucking going to milk regiment too.
Well, do you want to be 110?
You want to be a super centenarian?
I do.
Is it whole milk?
Cause I can't do that fucking San Francisco milk.
Well, that's called cum.
No. I'm talking about all that. All that fucking fake milk.
Milk me boys.
I'm talking about all that fake milk, all that shit that's like, oh.
2%, 1%.
Yeah. It's all like Poser milk. I like, I mean, I don't even like it.
Like American milk. Yeah. I like, I mean, I don't even like American, but I, when I was a kid, not drink milk, it was
thick, you know, it, it, it left a fucking, it
left your throat, Flemme.
I can't, I can't even tell you if I could drink a
whole glass of milk right now.
And I was feeling like I was going to vomit.
You got sick?
Well, you think about what milk is and you're like, it's kind of disgusting.
This is an enzyme grown in a cow's tit that they squeeze out and then you drink?
Why don't you put it in the refrigerator?
Humans do it too.
They produce milk.
You were breastfed? No. I don't think so. Me milk. So how- You were breastfed?
No, I don't think so.
I mean, neither.
So then what are we talking about?
I wasn't.
Right, but you had a-
Aren't you glad you weren't?
You had artificial breast milk though.
You had the powdered, probably the Similac shit.
Probably.
Who knows what damage it caused me, but yeah.
Are you happy that you weren't?
Yeah.
How come?
You know, I like to be fucking living on like fucking American daily societies, Frankenstein
here, drink this and you'll grow up fine.
Like there's chemicals in it, there's proteins in it, there's …
Do you think you would have like a more special relationship with your mom?
A bond that like only …
I don't know.
… people who sucked off her tit, teet, teet.
That was it.
Teet suckers?
I don't know.
Like you and your dad high five and then shit.
Yeah, like we've both been there.
I don't know.
I guess you'd have to ask someone that was breastfed.
I was and I can tell you no, no special biologicals.
Yeah.
Really?
For how long?
I don't know, like six, seven years.
I mean, I think until I was ready for solid foods, probably like the first year or something
like that, maybe a little bit less.
Sucked at the old teat, huh?
Sucked at the teat, yeah.
So are my brothers.
Yeah, even into the 70s.
She put in a lot of fucking time.
I wonder how much of it was due to like, well, like formula costs money in this shit's free.
You guys fucking had VCRs.
You guys had fucking pianos.
Early 70s.
And all of a sudden you're cutting corners.
You're like, she's got to fucking produce her own milk or fucking out on the streets?
I guess so, yeah.
I mean, it could have been.
I remember-
Stop buying pianos.
I remember they had like, by the time they had their third piano, Eric and Darren were
born. Never seen any Johnson. Never fucking tickled the ivories, but they got fucking multiple
pianos.
Yeah.
We had piano for a long time.
Nobody really made use of it.
With my brothers also, I remember my mother using cloth diapers.
Wow!
Yeah.
Some hippie shit going on over there.
It really was. Yeah. I remember her using cloth on over there. It really was, yeah.
I remember you had to use cloth diapers.
I remember the pins that they had to.
They were born in 76 and 77.
Whoa, that's so fucked up.
Yeah, it's weird, right?
When you have the ability to just throw it out, you're going to try to clean that.
It's nasty, right?
Yeah.
It's absolutely shocking that we live in a time where you didn't have to do that and
you still chose to do it.
Did it anyway, yeah.
You had to be your mom as a nurse, right?
She had to feel it was more beneficial to you guys?
Either more beneficial or again, like it was probably cheaper.
It was probably cheaper than disposable diapers.
Why are you guys so frugal?
You guys are fucking...
I don't know, but not frugal in any other way.
I remember my mother being a huge spendthrift when we were older.
We spent the money we didn't have.
Ed, you're going fucking crazy.
I can't even imagine at any point with my two kids, if Deb was like, yeah, we're going
to start using cloth diapers, I would have been like, I'm out.
Well, it's so inconvenient when you're out, right?
If you're home, if you're home,
it's not the biggest deal.
But like, yeah, you're out, you're like,
now what do I do with this fucking cloth diaper
with shit and piss in it?
Don't throw it out, don't throw it out.
Yeah, it's money right there, that's money.
Jeez.
That's how we had all those pianos, man.
The cloth diapers and the titty milk.
So all the Johnson children.
David Morgan Yeah. Yep. And I can't say whether we're
worse off or better off for it. I don't know.
Aaron Ross Powell Do you like to do that act in bed?
David Morgan Suck on titties? Yeah, I do.
Aaron Ross Powell You do, huh?
David Morgan I do. And I am a tit man. I prefer tits over ass.
Aaron Ross Powell I think that's why. I'm not really at all.
Yeah.
You're an ass man.
You don't like sucking on a titty?
Titty's fun.
I mean, you know.
It's kind of just like, I'd rather do other things.
It's all fun.
There's no wrong answers.
Yeah.
I'm also into cloth diapers though, so.
Mary Beth is not crazy about it.
Does my meandies make a cloth diaper?
That would be great, wouldn't it?
Yeah, giant adult.
Micro-model.
I think it's called underwear.
Is that, is your, you know, not to get too personal, but is your, if you go to Mary Beth
and you're like, yeah, I think I want to start getting into
like, what is it when guys pretend they're babies?
Oh, like diaper play and shit?
Yeah, stuff like that.
Is she open?
Like, hey man, whatever my man wants, I'm going to do, no judgments.
Or is it like, hmm.
I think there's a line.
I think there's a line and that line is probably like, I just made a boom boom.
And then she's like, maybe not even that, could she be like, oh yeah, sure you did.
Oh my God.
You did.
You really did.
Clean me.
Clean me.
Yeah, I don't get that fucking mental illness at all.
It's weird, isn't it?
Yeah, it's like there's some stuff you just can't get your head around, some sexual stuff.
And you're like, look, if that's what somebody's into, if they're into this kind of, oh, this
is weird.
I mean, I'm not here to judge, right?
Not here to judge, and it's their own bedroom, like whatever, it's fine.
It's fine.
But yeah, cannot understand it.
Can't get my head around it.
I don't know what you get now.
I don't know what it does for people.
I guess they miss something though in their childhood that they're trying to find this
much later in life.
Just with a boner.
Maybe just like that, like complete helplessness and somebody else taking care of your every
need.
You don't have to worry about anything.
You don't have to worry about feeding yourself.
You don't have to worry about changing yourself, making your way to the toilet.
Hopefully we all get there.
Yeah, right.
Mary Beth actually has this ahead of her.
I'm hoping that when we get to that age, like that 110, they have robots at that point.
Robot helpers?
Yeah.
At that point, then all the shame of doing it to like a younger
nurse will be gone.
They'll just be a robot.
Would you want a female nurse to do that stuff to you or would you rather have a male?
Now I'm a one year older.
Oh, I don't think I care.
I think I kind of feel I'd rather I know the answer now.
Well, no, not just like shit all over my balls.
Clean me, but I did boom, boom. Yeah, I'd rather not
be seen in that way. But I think like I could deal with a robot doing it.
I mean, I think it's getting close. I've just, I've seen some videos online of robots
doing amazing shit. I haven't seen them change a diaper yet though, but.
But it's coming. Yeah, they got to have the dexterity, you know, to, you know, do and not hurt the baby
while doing it too.
Her baby.
Or hurt the 110-year-old man.
Yeah.
Poor woman.
But I think it's coming.
I think it's – whoa, what is that?
A robotic diaper changer.
Robotic baby changer.
Holy.
We're getting there, guys. We're getting there guys.
We're getting there.
You gotta be pretty brave to let like the prototypes work on your baby, right?
Although we've let every fucking industry be taken over by automation.
Right.
I think that's all left is healthcare.
So we better be careful.
There'll be no jobs left for anybody in the
future.
Yeah, maybe.
Even moms. Yeah, you're right.
Maybe it's the thing of like humans won't have to work. It's just a leisure society.
Well, we've seen that. We've seen that in Wall-E. We've seen how bad that happened.
Yeah, it didn't look like it ended up so good in Wall-E. That's true.
Yeah. I don't know, man.
Would you rather live in Wall-E's future or the Planet Apes?
Probably Wall-E. I think getting taken care of and just being a little fat is a bigger problem than being hunted in the fucking- The trail of the new one looks good, right?
Yeah, it does, but it looks a little digi.
Yeah.
And to me, it looks like a video game a lot of times.
Okay.
So, which, you know, again, that's complaining about something that like
we've gotten to the point now where we have these amazing special effects and
things that we never dreamed we'd see on screen. And it is, and we've seen it so often.
And we, and then now that we're nitpicking even like, Oh, it looks digi.
Yeah.
I'm not happy.
It looks digi.
It's just like, come on.
Like I'm guilty of it.
I am too.
I found myself being like, this looks like a video game.
Yeah.
But it's like, we begged for shit like this.
We're, when we were watching like the incredible Hulk with Lou Ferrigno, we were dying for to see
some fucking super villains.
We begged for effects that would be like T2.
Yes!
And now that T2 came and went, yeah, like now you have shit that you're like, this
is like stuff like the Lord of the Rings stuff.
You're just like, you can't believe that it looks the way it looks.
The Lord of the Rings is great still, man.
Yeah.
That movie is like 20 years old now.
You see the trailer for Deadpool and Wolverine? Yeah. Yeah, I saw that. It looks good, man. Yeah, those movies like 20 years old. You see the trail for Deadpool and Wolverine
Yeah, yeah, it looks good man. Holy shit. I think it's gonna be a game changer
Yeah, I think so. I know some people who've seen some parts of it and they say it's fucking awesome
But the trail I was like
They know what they know what I want. They're giving it to me. They hit it out of the park. It looks like yeah
I really can't wait. It's been a while since I've been like
Chomping at the bit to see a movie like this. Comic book movies are very rare for me to want to see, but I saw that trailer and I
was like, yeah, I got to see this.
Yeah, it's pretty.
This looks cool.
It looks pretty awesome.
Deadpool Wolverine.
The old guy also says he used to go down after his wife died in 1992.
So 32 years ago she died.
He would go down to the firehouse from 3 to 5 and all the old guys would sit there and
hang out and just talk.
He said volunteering with the engine company also helped him get his exercise in by responding
to calls.
And then finally –
I can't even imagine like if like – my panic of my house is on fire and a 110-year-old
fireman fucking shows up. I wouldn't be looking gift words in my panic if my house is on fire and a fucking 110 year old fireman fucking shows up.
I wouldn't be looking giftwors in the mouth, but I would be like.
He's like, save the milk.
Do we have anybody like under 90?
Yeah, somebody who's not so old and withered up that they're going to fucking just catch
on fire.
This is what he says, he keeps a
positive mindset and sharing love has helped him live past a century. Knowing people and
loving people makes me live longer, he said.
I think that's got to be the key.
Knowing and loving people?
That's the thing. It's like you got to love them now too though.
Not just know them.
With all their warts, you still got to love them.
Well, you know stress, we know, look at it in your direction, literal warts.
Like they say, you know, stress is a killer.
So the absence of stress or the opposite of stress like joy and love have got to have
a positive effect in the opposite direction, right?
On your physical health, I would have to think absolutely.
I would be shocked if it didn't have a good outcome on your overall health to not have.
But it's almost impossible to go through without any stress or anxiety, though, right?
I mean …
Almost.
I think it is impossible, yeah.
Right.
But it's nice when you can get a stretch where there is none.
When you go for a couple – I could go through a couple weeks or even dare I say a month.
It's nice though.
I don't think that's ever happened.
A month?
Oh, I've had months.
I've had a couple months.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
With absolutely nothing on my mind here.
I would love that. That would had a couple months. Yeah. Oh, yeah. With absolutely nothing on my mind here.
I would love that.
That's pretty sweet.
That's pretty sweet.
Yeah.
What do you feel like when you – Walt's going on a big trip this summer.
Do you think that will be a stress-free, anxiety-free time?
Just don't have any of the responsibilities of Tom, Steve, Dave or home or any of that
stuff when you go on your trip this summer?
Where do you still think about stuff? of Tom, Steve, Dave or home or any of that stuff when you go on your trip this summer?
Or do you still think about stuff? I think one of the things I think that is if you're a parent, I don't think it's possible
to go too long without stress or not stress, but our anxiety or, you know, it's just one of the, what's one of the major like
things like, uh, yeah, this comes, this is part of the deal, you know,
is that you're always like a little bit worried.
Yeah. It's never going to stop no matter what happens, but yeah.
No matter how old they get.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I'm the big trip. I don't see any, um, yeah, I don't see any stress.
Hopefully.
Where are you going? I'm going to Minnesota. What's in, Minnesota?
Just the biggest fucking mall in America, bro
Anything gonna head over and see Mary Tyler Moore statue. Oh, you're gonna go for it. You're gonna go for it
I'm gonna go for it. How long is this trip?
Are you gonna go for it? You're gonna go for it? I'm gonna go for it.
How long is this trip?
It's gotta be 18 hours. In a car.
No, I mean how long is your vacation span?
Oh, probably I'm guessing seven to eight days.
Seven to eight days and you have a mall and a statue lined up? What else is going on?
Why you think we're gonna have some free time?
Really? I'm concerned.
You have to go look at the statue for 10 minutes.
What do you do with the rest of the day?
You go back to the mall.
Yeah.
You're not going to like that mall.
There's amusement parks in it.
I think that I'll be interested to see an amusement park and a mall, even if I don't
go on any rollercoasters, I'll still be able to appreciate the architecture and the.
I mean, the architecture.
It's really like when I'm looking at it here, it's 19 hours, nearly 1300 miles.
It's not that much farther than driving down to Orlando, right?
I'm definitely, you see the statue up there?
I know probably no one's done it, but I'm going to be the first one
that's going to go up to the statue, take my hat off and throw it in the air.
Nice.
Anybody gets that joke.
You're old as hell.
You know how like statues that have like tits and dicks and stuff have like the cop who's
always like worn away on it and stuff like that?
Is it disappointing to you if her tits are?
Well, I'm hoping that there's a fucking 24-hour guard that isn't allowing fucking
the statue of Avery Tilemore to be defaced like that or defiled.
Or like on her inner thigh is like really shiny and stuff. Are you upset at that?
Yeah, I would be. I would be like, what the fuck? What's going on out here? We're fucking
animals.
Wasn't she a beautiful woman though? She was like, yeah.
That doesn't mean that she should be her statue should be someone's fucking feel-up doll.
Why not? Taxpay dollars paid for that.
I just saw that on Reddit. I literally just saw that one. Yeah, the one with the shiny
boobs. It's Molly Malone'sone statue in Ireland, isn't it?
No, New Zealand.
How old is that statue?
Because there's no fucking way anybody made that today.
It's too cool.
Yeah, it is a pretty cool statue.
It's too fucking hot.
Look at that guy.
Look at that big grin on his face.
So who is Molly Malone and why are people grabbing her boobs?
Q is basically becoming old man yells at statue.
Statues used to have sex appeal back in the day.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, it's a good looking statue.
Nice shiny boobs.
Dude, the Wall Street bull, his balls are like.
Oh yeah.
The sun glints off him, right?
Yeah, it's not me, it's everybody.
Everybody likes a nice pair of bull balls or giant boobs on their statues.
Now, are you guys driving in the same car or are you taking separate cars?
Same car, huh?
Who's going?
Frank Five and the Mrs.
Oh, nice.
The crews back together, the squad.
The squad.
We're going to hit them all. Mrs. Oh, nice. The crews back together, the squad. Yeah. The squad.
Yeah. We're going to hit the mall. We want to stay in the mall. Okay. Sleep in the mall.
I could have sworn that I thought there was a hotel in the mall, which I like, I fucking missed the opportunity. Yeah. I missed the opportunity to be able to sleep in the mall.
You've not been there before. I've been there in 1995, that's the last time I was there.
I'm a set of mall rats.
We took a day, one of the off days of the shoot.
Okay.
A whole bunch of people hopped in a car and we went over to the mall.
That was his heyday.
I don't know if you're going to like it now.
I think the day of the day, the age of the mall is coming to a close.
Yeah.
But I fear that if we don't go.
You'll miss it. That, yeah, they're going to close the mall. The Mall of America might close coming to a close, but I fear that if we don't go, they're going
to close the mall.
The Mall of America might close because of lack of interest.
I want to be there just one last time.
I get that.
I want to feel it up.
I get it.
I want to see Barry Manilow the other night for the same reason.
He's in his 80s.
I'm like, I got to see this guy before he goes.
Really?
He played Radio City, so I got to see this guy before he goes.
Really?
So I went and he played Radio City.
I would have loved to have gone to that.
Oh, shit, I didn't know that. Man, I would have loved to have gone with you.
Mandy?
Oh, you know he did Mandy.
Oh, man.
Yeah, you fucking know it. It closed with Copa Cabana, came out with a big fucking feathered
jacket on, came down.
Could this be magic?
Yes, and that's that's one of my that's one of the songs I hid
My entire life that I loved really was embarrassed about I was to sing it to my mom
Oh, you would have fucking yeah, really?
How old are you I told it on PPP? Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah
Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah.
Forgot about that. He did commercial jingles that he wrote. I didn't realize that the band-aid one fucking
Yeah, he is and when he comes out he's moving slow now what?
Yeah, and by the third song he's like it's full-on Manolo
Now, how did you come to be like I'm gonna go see Barry Manilow I I've said this before, like any legends that come through New York, I want to see
now.
Regardless of genre.
So you just heard on the radio, you saw Barry Manilow?
Barry Manilow, got to go.
So Diana Ross recently saw …
80, Barry Manilow.
Yeah, 80.
Saw a share last year.
Was it packed?
Oh, he sold out five nights in a row and they sold out within minutes.
Yeah, packed.
You had to buy tickets, John.
You just couldn't call Barry's people?
I bought tickets.
I don't really know Barry's people.
I know people at Radio City, like Radio City and Madison Square Garden and a bunch of theaters
around because you're owned by this one group that we do a lot of business with.
So I usually have no problem getting tickets, but some you just buy.
I find it strange.
I didn't hear anything.
You probably didn't have to advertise that much.
I didn't hear it.
I'm stuck on terrestrial radio.
I told you I'm gone frugal and no more satellite radio, so I'm listening to normal radio stations
and nothing.
I wish I had known.
Well, if he comes around again. I would be there. Yeah, I wish I had known. Yeah. Well, if he comes around again.
I would be there. He'd probably not though.
Yeah, big gay audience. I didn't realize that.
That's how I found out he was gay.
Really?
I didn't know Barry Manilow was gay.
Really? Wow.
Yeah. I didn't know that.
I did not know that until last week.
I was like, oh wow.
Then it turns out he's married to a dude and all that.
I was like, I didn't know. Oh, is it?
Yeah. I thought I didn't like, I didn't know. Oh, is it? Yeah.
I thought I didn't know.
I didn't know.
I mean, I was fine.
I didn't start backing towards the door.
I was like, wow.
I was like, you really are.
When I went to Cher, I knew there was going to be...
Was it because the song's Mandy?
You're singing about chicks?
Yeah, I think so.
I've never paid that much attention to Barry Manilow, so it wasn't like I was hip
to his love life.
But yeah, I was surprised when I looked around.
You didn't have a picture of him in your locker in high school?
No.
No.
That's what the guys used to do when I went to high school.
They would put pictures of rock stars in their lockers.
Yeah.
Not me. Like dudes?
Dudes, yeah.
I did that.
I know you did.
Yeah, I did that.
That's why I'm bringing it up.
I'm a pair of chested dudes.
Randy Rhoades.
Yeah, Randy Rhoades and Ozzy and like the house from Psycho and stuff I would cut out
of magazines and shit.
I remember Mike Sibilya giving me a very hard time because it was only guys.
It was only rock stars.
Why don't you go home and play the piano?
Yeah.
Go change your brother's diaper.
Why don't you put Papandreou up there or something?
Really upset with me about it.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
He doesn't want to be associated with you.
You would only put up pictures of shirtless Ozzy.
It was weird.
Where Robert Plant from Zeppelin with his shirt buttoned out to his belly button and
shit.
Yeah, you're right.
In retrospect, I had it coming.
You sure did.
I almost want to fucking take shots of you now.
Man, on my locker, I had –
I had a magazine like a hit parader or a circus magazine and I took the pictures out that
I want. I took the Kiss and Motley Crue and I gave the magazine to Brian.
He was in a heat and I was like, you can use any of those pictures
if you want for your locker.
And he was like, ah, I don't see any pictures of Bossey.
You got a shirt on, I'm good.
I mean, here's a couple of them shirts, but you know,
locker worthy.
We saw an event.
We saw a concert.
What'd you say? Oh, wait, Ace Freely, right? How was it?
I was completely happy and just like very pleased with the concert going experience.
Who went? Paint me this picture.
Chuck.
Chuck, all right. Good time. Brian, good time.
Brian Rupert who supplied the tickets as a Christmas gift.
What a sweet guy.
Yeah, it was. It was very sweet, very kind and had a great time and ace.
No, get him.
No, no, get him. No, get him. He's not into ace really. He's not into kiss.
Night owl pals though.
He didn't want to pose like be a poser.
Yeah. I would have come to that. I wasn poser. I was – I would have come to that.
I wasn't in town but I would have come to that.
His voice sounded pretty good.
I mean as good as – his voice was never a super strong voice but he sounded like himself
though.
I think a lot of people at that age may not sound like their old selves.
Sure.
I think he did though and I had a good time.
Do New York Groove?
I think that was the opening song, wasn't it?
Oh, the opening song.
Yeah, it was pretty early on.
It was just New York Groove for 65 minutes.
A lot of old timers.
Yeah.
Not a lot of newly minted fans.
But we did see some like children.
I mean, I'm talking children, like six, seven years old with their parents.
I don't know if I had a kid who would like, the shit that Sage is into, never.
Yeah, it's just garbage music or popular stuff like she's into like Taylor Swift and all
that kind of music.
Oh, didn't you tell, speaking of Taylor Swift, didn't you tell Q about to be on the lookout
in case he mentions Taylor Swift because no one's allowed to critique the album including
professional reviewers?
Oh, that's true.
What happened?
Yeah, Walt and I were talking about this.
I read that Swifties are going after reviewers, like people who review Taylor Swift's album
in any sort of negative fashion, anything other than positive, and
they'll go after them.
They'll flood their inboxes, they'll dox them.
Wow, just for not liking an album.
Just for not liking an album.
To write something negative about it, it's as if they wrote it about the fans themselves.
Wow.
So, be careful when you're out there dressing Swifties.
You don't want to be like, oh, Taylor Swift.
I love Taylor. You know I'm a Swifter. I know you're a Swifter. I'm not worried about that. You don't want to be like, oh, Taylor Swift. I love Taylor.
You know I'm a Swiftie man.
I know you're a Swiftie man.
I'm not worried about it.
You don't have to worry about that, man.
I got a bad to say about her.
Love that woman.
Love everything about her.
Walt did have a-
BQ's no dope.
Yeah.
He knows what he's talking about.
I'm always on the right side of history.
As soon as I figure out what everybody else thinks
the right side of history is, I'm right on that side.
Yeah.
What, I found it shocking though that like, you know,
the press could be intimidated by a fan base
of a pop singer to not be truthful in their reporting.
I found that to be kind of like shocking and disappointing
because I felt that that was
the last.
The press was like, that's all that stands between truth and propaganda.
Didn't somebody write a review for, we talked about it, like that Pixar movie, Turning Red,
where a guy was like, this movie's not for me.
I fucking couldn't stand it.
It was too loud and like he had to write an apology.
You remember this?
We talked about it on the show.
I don't remember this at all.
I don't know how many years ago was this.
Turning Red was the pandemic it came through, came on,
and the guy wrote, the guy wrote a,
trying to remember the story, we talked about it.
It was, he was a middle-aged white dude.
He wrote a review for Pixar's Turning Red.
He said that it was too frantic. It was something I don't remember what he goes, it's not
for me. I didn't like this movie. Then fucking all hell broke loose. People like get him
fired and want to love his job. Why is a white guy reviewing a movie for Asian kids and this
is why white people shouldn't be doing reviews and like he had to retract it and
Issue an apology for giving a review of the movie. So we're already there
We're you know, this shit's been going on already but Taylor Swift I would think is
You wouldn't you wouldn't think that you would have to be tiptoe
Around her. I mean, she's-
I don't think she cares at all.
Oh, you don't think she kind of doesn't,
she kind of knowingly winks and-
At the Swifties.
Kind of like shrugs her shoulders and is like,
hey, what are you gonna do?
I think she does exactly that, exactly that.
What are you gonna do?
She just counts her money.
Exactly that. Exactly that.
What are you going to do?
She just counts her money.
You wouldn't think that that was kind of cowardly of the press to kind of cave to her
fan base?
I think it already – I think we're already there.
I'm not shocked by that at all.
This fucking movie turning red.
I don't know.
I was kind of disappointed that they felt that they couldn't be honest
about the review and for fear of- I mean, the papers feel like they can't be honest
about a lot of shit. I think the papers feel like they can't be honest about a lot of
shit, right? That's why we never get the real news.
I didn't hear that. I said, I think papers feel that they can't
be honest about a lot of shit, not just movie reviews.
Well, that's all I care about.
The movie reviews?
Here, here, this is a guy, Sean O'Connor.
O'Connell, I'm genuinely sorry for my turning red review, O'Connell wrote.
Thank you to everyone.
All right, thanks, get him.
It's just the middle of reading it.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out with criticism no matter how harsh.
Thank you, he's saying to the fucking people who went after him. It is clear that I didn't gauge enough, nearly enough with the movie,
nor did I explain my point of view at all. So look at that.
That's sad.
Geez, this poor guy.
That's fucking sad, man.
But who was outraged? Asian people?
I don't know.
Or just people in general?
Asian people. You don't really see them getting that outrage, right?
Not really.
I don't know. Sad.
It is sad.
But what are you going to do?
Shut your mouth.
Shut your fucking mouth.
Shut your fucking mouth.
Go buy the fucking new Taylor Swift house.
That's it.
Buy it.
Let's do it.
Fucking like it.
I heard her say something that she was like, she was talking about how it's nice to watch
her boyfriend play Xbox with his friends while
she reads Aristotle.
I was like, that's kind of taking a shot at him, isn't it?
He's just a dopey sports guy, but she's an educated woman who reads Aristotle.
Who the fuck reads Aristotle for fun?
Get the fuck out of here.
What was Aristotle?
Is that some sort of Greek poet?
He was a Greek philosopher, yeah.
One of the most famous.
What are some of his most famous?
I know, get him.
Let's pull up some Aristotle quotes.
I mean, look, maybe the reason, Brian, that we aren't humanity-encompassing fucking megastars, probably the highest paid entertainer entertainer of all time maybe because we don't read Aristotle
Maybe the reason she is who she is because she is fucking she's out there cracking the books
Want to come to that party. That was that party.
That was me and you.
That's true.
Can you pull up some Aristotle's hits?
His biggest, but I think one of the ones I saw there is a friend to all is a friend to
none.
And that guy who wrote that, that turning red review could learn that you can't be everybody's
friend. That's your opinion. That's what you wrote. That's how you felt. And now you're
going to turn heel because a bunch of people were like, you're a jerk.
You can't even write a movie review.
You can't even write a movie review.
Without somebody trying to get you to lose your job. It's fucking phenomenal.
I disagree. Therefore you don't deserve to exist. It's insanity.
I think it's changing a little bit. I, you don't think the pendulum swinging a's insanity. I think it's changing a little bit. You don't think the pendulum's swinging?
A little bit, I think. A little bit.
I think people are like, oh fucking, I'm tired. I don't want to deal with this
anymore.
What year was this man alive in the sixties?
He's like ancient. No, he's like ancient.
Maybe like the...
Oh, you're talking like fucking BC and shit.
Yeah. Oh, for sure BC.
Cause some of these are fucking way too like pithy and on the money to have been written by a caveman.
Through discipline comes freedom.
I don't think the ancient Greeks were...
They were fucking walking around in fucking cloth diapers weren't they?
Well togas, yeah. Pretty sexy look.
He was 384 to 322 BC.
I'm really kind of going to brush up on my history.
I can't imagine anybody from that era ever writing such eloquent.
Oh, I think-
To perceive is to suffer.
I think most of the things that we take on board today as
established wisdom is from back then.
You're kidding me.
No.
I thought it was all like they're fucking dead
by their age of 20 and they got worried about
running from saber tooth tigers and shit.
No, no, no.
What?
Did you ever see Bill and Ted?
Yeah.
So crates, they got him from back around that same area.
Did they live around the same area?
Happiness is activity.
How did he know?
He said there was nothing else to do, so he sat around thinking up all these thoughts. Yeah, they didn't have anything to do.
That's Socrates.
Socrates.
Socrates.
So have we forgotten the teachings of Aristotle and his?
Not Taylor Swift hasn't.
She's up on them all.
I'm fucking hip to it now.
Now I'm like, I'm going to be on Aristotle kick like fucking Kojak and it might not cost
me 50 bucks.
What was that?
What was that last quote?
Hope is the death of what?
Get him?
Hope is the death of a waking man.
Hope is the dream of a waking man. Hope is the dream of a waking man. Sorry. Hope is the dream of a waking man.
It makes sense.
I got to think up some thoughts and write them down, man.
Write them down, dude.
Probably all been written down already though, right?
Maybe find something.
How deep is that one? To perceive is to suffer. Fuck.
It's so true. It's like, yeah, if you were just a fucking
ignorant dope who doesn't perceive anything.
And he will, somebody ripped them off and said,
ignorance is bliss.
And somebody, somebody said that.
And somebody else said not for the rest of us.
Right.
Yeah.
Wow.
I look at this 60 quotes by Aristotle, 44 quotes by Aristotle.
He had all kinds of quotes.
I can't, I don't know if anybody's ever quoted me.
Um, do bitter.
Do bitter.
Ooh.
It was almost a bumper sticker.
It was almost a bumper sticker.
It was.
Somebody sent me a do bitter bumper sticker.
Excellence is never an accident.
That sounds like something Tom Brady would say.
Yeah.
Well, I bet you Tom, Tom Brady has read some for sure, man.
But has Aristotle ever thrown a football?
Nope.
No, he hasn't.
And if he did, he didn't, he didn't win a ring for it.
He wins seven rings for it.
Yeah.
It's so funny because you could say that about like anything.
He went seven rings for it. Yeah, it's so funny because you can say that about anything.
It's so funny.
I love it.
Yeah, no one will ever look at us as philosophers or maybe.
What if like thousands of years from now they uncover the archive and they're like, damn,
these guys were onto some stuff.
Yeah, like holy shit, look at these guys.
They find the hard drive with all the episodes on it.
Cue Estaddle.
Yeah, some of them they're just like,
oh man, these guys are wisdom
and they build whole societies around us.
Now you're talking.
Statues with big tits everywhere.
Oh yeah, look at our balls, they're shiny as hell.
Everybody's rubbing them.
That's the dream.
That is the dream. Get a statue and have some shiny balls. Oh man, I'm not going to make me.
Tell it to Stephen David.
Yeah.
I would, I would.
Oh, come on.
That was going to be the point.
That was a really good one.
Well, you got some fucking-
I got some ads.
Let me read them.
You got some Hawke something.
We could have went out with that kind of fucking grace.
That kind of grace quote.
And we're going to fucking ruin it by fucking trying to shove fucking-
Has a bow to pick.
Has a bow to pick.
Has a bow to pick.
Has a bow to pick.
Has a bow to pick.
Has a bow to pick.
Has a bow to pick. Has a bow to pick. Has a bow went out with that kind of fucking grace. That kind of grace quote.
And dignity.
And we're gonna fucking ruin it by fucking,
trying to shove fucking some.
Has a boner pill.
Yeah.
Funny you should mention that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not before I talk about prize picks though.
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All right, I'll talk about that in a minute.
I've been watching Kojak 24 seven.
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more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChu for sponsoring this podcast. I wanted to, if I could, just give a little ad for an ant.
Sure.
If that's all right.
It's for Tony Starkant, the guy who fixed my robot.
I got to meet him in Chicago.
Does it change diapers now?
He doesn't.
He's got a badass accent.
The robot doesn't.
He doesn't.
He's got a fucking badass accent.
The robot does?
No, the robot does I buy no the
robot guy can is his name good from Turkey and he told me he's got a YouTube
channel that I've been watching obsessively called master of none on not
YouTube always probably YouTube Instagram and he used to do these like videos of him fixing things and giving explanations on how
to do it and stuff like that. He says because of his accent, people were turning on him.
They were like he was getting racism and hate for his accent. He sounds like a Bond villain.
Trevor Burrus I was going to say what did they think he
was versus Turkish?
David Kupf I think they think he was Russian and they
were like, you're a fucking monster.
You're a piece of shit.
He says, now he does videos without speaking in them because he's afraid of the hate
that he was getting.
Really?
We can't have that, man.
This guy – I wanted to direct as many people as possible.
If you're an ant, if you want to support an ant, go to Instagram, masternone,
great guy. I just can't stand such a nice guy getting that sort of hate, you know? An
ant.
Oh, I agree.
He's only trying to help people.
Absolutely, yes.
He's not that real rebuilding robots making people's dreams come true.
Oh, my dream for sure. But his whole YouTube, all this stuff is just him fixing shit.
It's fascinating to watch.
So I just wanted to push people his way.
Yeah, what's the name of the station?
Masterofnone.tv is his website.
And I guess that's his Instagram handle as well.
Yeah, looks like it.
Click on his web link.
Let's see what we got there.
Let's see where we're going with this. He's got a whole website, Master of
None TV. Anyway, great, great dude. I just wanted to give him a little bump because he
showed up, four-color demon shirt. He knew everything. He wanted to say hi to you guys.
He was super excited. Loves, loves to help Steve-Dave.
Awesome.
Yeah. I figured I just wanted to throw a little love his way.
Handy guy.
It looks like, yeah.
Even his, his, uh, his logo is made out of like compasses and rulers and hammers
and yeah, how to cut laminate countertop.
Look at it.
I know.
This is what I'm talking about.
This fucking guy, look at him.
So he can help you out if you have any problems, I'm sure, you know, the ant
community, I'd love to get them on the show one time. I'm really like...
Where's he out of?
He's Chicago. I met him in Chicago.
Okay.
Yeah. Super nice guy.
The accent alone is enough to get you hate, huh? Because I get some hate on YouTube videos.
Never about my accent.
Yeah. Just the stuff you're saying?
Yeah. Just the stuff I'm saying or just me in general. People don't particularly cotton
to it.
Well, you shouldn't have fucking... I don't know why you decided to review turning red
I was like finally a review with balls
Do we know what episode number this is this will be
95 so 595
I do want to I do like you know those who care, big announcement after episode 600.
Me and Giddem have started to have something that we cannot wait to announce once he's
allowed to come back on.
We know he's going to be allowed, what if he loses the trial?
I got plenty of faith in Johnny Law.
Yeah?
Yeah, Johnny Law is, you know.
He's on the case. He's on the case.
He's on the case.
Pride goeth before the fall, though.
Yeah.
You know, Aristotle.
I put all my marbles in Johnny Law's basket.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What are you going to do if he loses the trial?
Fix it.
I mean, we know who the judges are.
They're morally flexible.
Gotcha.
All right.
All right.
Understood.
Understood.
Yeah.
But that'll be on episode 601.
Okay, great.
I'm excited.
All right.
What else is going on?
Anything?
No.
May 5th is coming quick.
I'm at Radio City.
If you guys want to come, let me know.
I'll set you up with ticks.
If not... I don't want to ask you. I feel like you're on your home turf. So many people must harass
you.
Yeah, but you guys are tier one, man.
Tier one.
Yeah.
It's the only place in life I'm tier one.
Yeah, if you guys want to go, please.
All right.
Yeah. And then May 5th, Jody Rose is opening for us.
Oh, is he?
Yeah. Oh, is he? Yeah.
Oh, good.
May 5th, Radio City, 5 p.m.
We'll be out of there by seven-ish or so.
7.30, party time.
Nice early show.
Party time.
Party.
Yeah.
All right.
I can see Walt's in.
Yeah.
I can hear Eddie Murphy right now singing that song.
Yeah, my girl.
Yeah, so May 5th, yeah, come hang out.
All right.
Nothing else going on?
I've got nothing else going on until May 5th.
See, it would have been, oh, okay.
Yeah.
Um, if you, if you're in the Adam, aunt tier and you haven't voted for your ring
size, please, uh, do so, or else you're just going to get a random sized ring, doing rings as
one of the Patreon gifts and I need sizes desperately.
People just won't offer their sizes up?
Well, I don't, I think a lot of the, like they
send out a poll to get the sizes for shirts or
anything that needs sized information.
And I think the emails may go to junk mail.
And I think that's why we have struggled so often trying to get sized merchandise locked down.
It would have been great.
It's going to be really lame if I do telleth Steve David again.
Let's just read another Aristotle quote.
It just doesn't work as good after the Aristotle.
It doesn't.
You're right.
Let me see.
I don't think I have anything else.
Oh, Reddit, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Reddit should be ashamed of themselves.
Reddit, yeah.
I read an article last week about furries, about a very tongue in cheek article about
furries taking over this Utah school.
Furries are taking over Utah school?
Right.
Kids who wear animal ears and dresses like dogs and act as cats and dogs.
Is that what they're up to now?
I thought it was amusing and the school is like, it's not true.
It's not true.
The internet is spreading this rumor, which I thought was funny.
Responding to you?
No, no, no.
This is just in general, which I thought was funny.
But from my inside, I don't go to Reddit, but my inside Reddit source tells me that
people were mad that I was outraged at this and I should be madder about school shootings
than furries in schools.
And I'm just like, do I constantly come off as angry?
I thought I had left that in the rear view where I'm not outraged by shit.
You have to believe me, Reddit.
I don't care about most shit.
I care about almost nothing.
So furries in a Utah school certainly isn't
one of the subjects that I really care about.
Then on Twitter, I put on
a little piece of video of like a furry kid
chasing another kid through a schoolyard.
It looks so processed and staged. I put it
up there as proof and people still are like, oh yeah, right.
Oh, they thought you were serious?
Some people still think I'm serious.
You can't help people like that.
Yeah. I'm just like, get a fucking grip, Reddit.
Wow. Also, who the hell wants to hear you talking about school shootings? Any of us,
not you.
Yeah. Isn't furries a funnier thing to talk about?
Way better thing to talk about.
Do we need to fucking sit here and tell you that we don't like the idea of school shootings?
Or can we just fucking take it on board?
Everybody assumes it's not a great thing.
It's so fucking funny, man.
People just don't trust other people to just make fucking decisions without having
their hand held on everything. It's like, oh, if the fucking enough, this traffic really got me
wound up. Now I'm thinking about the traffic on the way home.
Here you go. Now, get him is showing us on Instagram. So that's the footage that I put
up. The little kid hopping out.
Those aren't furries in the way that we always think about it. It's like perverts rubbing
against each other in a room or the shining or something like that.
Right.
This is just kids wearing, crawling around on hands and knees.
And even if it were true, even if furries had overtaken this Utah school, why would I give a fuck?
It would be better if they did.
Why would I be outraged by it?
It would be funny.
Yeah.
It'd be amazing.
I'd be like, this just goes to show.
You can't give them an inch or next thing you know, you got a school full of furries.
But that's assuming the school full of furries is a bad thing.
I think it's a great thing.
Yeah.
Look at that guy dressed like a hawk or something.
Or a bird.
I think it's great.
They're crawling around on hands and knees.
Yeah.
I mean, look, when you're young, I couldn't do that.
Could you do what they're doing right now?
No, fuck no way. Fuck no. So you do what they're doing right now? No fucking no way
No, so you might as well do it looks she's hopping like
This is funny cuz a frog isn't furry but a lot of these people are just wearing masks and and gloves would pause
Which that guy's the best the whole guy the hawk guy. Yeah. Yeah, so ready
You can be pissed at me for other things maybe but not the furry deal. Sorry, you know what? I'm gonna go review turning red and give it a shit review so you can be pissed at me for other things maybe, but not the furry deal, sorry.
You know what?
I'm going to go review Turning Red and give it a shit review so you can get mad at that
instead.
Dude, would you do me a favor?
Would you watch Turning Red and let me know what you think?
I will.
You will?
Yeah, I will.
Sure.
I'm super excited.
I'll watch it too.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
Great.
I love it.
Oh, boy. Furries. I wonder if I can get into that.
Furry stuff?
Not me dressed as an animal.
I wonder if like a woman comes in.
Like a chick as a sexy cat?
Yeah, like a fox.
Like a foxy fox.
Oh, a foxy lady.
Starts cleaning herself.
Leg up in the air.
All right, now we're getting there.
Well, you get a call from, you know, obviously back in the day that the kids in the school
were saying, you know, they're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school.
They're going to be in the school. They're going to be in the school. They're going to be in the school. They're going to be in the you get a call from obviously back in the day that the kids in school are dressing
like foxes and crawling around and leapfrogging each other and I don't like furries.
Are you concerned at all or you're like, nah, it's just kids being kids?
Am I in school you mean?
No, you're kids.
Oh, I would be fascinated by it.
I'd be like, what?
Yeah. And I'm like, I, yeah.
We found an owl mask in one of your daughter's lockers.
It's like fucking Zubali Zoo up in Vietnam.
All right. So that's it.
Try it.
Well, I'll see if you can.
I'll try.
Try it.
Try it now.
You mean, oh, tell it.
Oh, tell us Stephen Davis.
Fair.
Wasn't as good as the first time.
Yeah, it kind of hit the first time.
You had underwear to fucking hawk.
Don't forget about blue.
Joe.
Don't forget about blue.
Joe.
We're the self owner.