The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brace Belden - Episode 49
Episode Date: April 12, 2024The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brace Belden - Episode 49 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@a...damfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/tafs Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for the New Weekly TAFS Digital Shorts, Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/tafs/ -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Apr 11 — Apr 13: Portland, OR @ Helium Comedy Club (New Shows Added!) Apr 18 — Apr 20: Tampa, FL @ Side Splitters May 16 — May 18: Philadelphia, PA @ Helium Comedy Club ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Apr 19 - Apr 20: Irvine, CA @ Irvine Improv #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #comedy #podcast #bracebelden
Transcript
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Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. Today we're talking high value men. We got
a girl from OnlyFans here. You want to introduce yourself?
My name is Brace, one of the top prostitutes in America, and it is a pleasure to be here. I've known Adam mostly through in pain to have sex with me.
And so it's, frankly, I could see you at work like this.
It's really something else.
It's weird, it's weird like running into someone,
yeah, from work basically.
Like, cause we don't really talk about
what we do on the weekends, more of a physical thing.
It's completely, and Adam gives himself,
I would kill myself.
You know how some people have sex with their friends? Yeah. Like guys are like do an M.M.F. threesome with their friends.
Yeah. Yeah. A devil's three way. Yeah. Yeah. Insane to me. Oh that's crazy. I mean and
you know it's a generational thing like like all the guys I know in their 20s because for
our job we're around the same age. Yeah. We're in our 30s. So in our generation we're like
two chicks at the same time. Yeah. That's the ultimate reason is to girls. Yes. Yes. From the neighboring sorority in the fraternity
house bathroom they caught you peeping through a hole in the locker room drag you in and
then they see you and they're like they put their cocks through the they well they put
one nipple. Yeah it's kind of a porky situation
But nowadays like all my friends in my even their 20s or they exclusively do the devil's three way
We're free. I can think of few things that I would
Desire less than to hear like the the grunt of an orgasm not the grunt
What it what what really would nauseate me the most is the slapping the balls slapping
Like let's say we're doing the classic Eiffel Tower, right? Yeah, and she's she's good. She's giving you top-class dome
So I'm getting you're getting you're getting oral sex and then I'm yes. Okay, so like I'm behind
Doing doggy fashion with the yeah. Yeah,. The slapping of my testicles against her.
But we're just face to face.
Yes, but okay, but as we know, the rules are,
and we would stipulate the rules beforehand,
that it's gay, right, if we make eye contact, right?
So every guy knows that, okay?
Just we avert our eyes.
This is heterosexual unless there's any type of eye contact
between the two of us.
I just, I feel like of us. I just I feel
like I would be fine avoiding your eyes but hearing the balls slapping in a doggy style
situation would be truly revolting to me. I would just I would feel like I'd have to
immediately look at the hard penis of you. Yeah of course. Because I'd be like what am
I and how could you not do that exactly right so at that point the first?
That's the first thing I'd be curious if I found out that your dick was twice the size of mine
It's and then I proceeded kill myself
If you if you and I were having sex with some bimbo, yeah
Yeah, and you know we're in the we're in the penthouse really she's smart though. She's smart. She's funny
We're in the penthouse really she's smart though. She's she's smart and she's funny and she's
That's why she's doing this with us, you know, she's a consultant and a project manager Yeah, and she's got a real job for the yeah. Yeah for the government or the
First thing that I would do is we're in this penthouse. I would have to look at your fucking cock. We're in Miami. Oh my god
You know those but those Miami apartments they all have those balcony
Yeah, if your dick was twice the size, I would jump easy easy or I'd push you
You push me if your penis was larger than mine. I might attack if your dick was twice the size
I would dangle you by the ankle shook night saw but it's almost gay or to if we have the same size cock to feel
Good about that if we have the same size cock that is that is homosexuals. Do you think we do?
Probably personality wise we probably do yeah, yeah, that is a big judgment
Yeah, not a judgment like that's a big family act the way we do because of the size because it's it's it's like pretty small
But the personality gets you can kind of I would not have any
Semblance of a personality if my penis was a like even a quarter inch bigger
Oh my god, if I could just if I was I would be one of those guys who'd walk I'd be a flasher
Yes, I would know no I wouldn't even be a flasher. I wouldn't get out of bed
No, I would just look at it all day long I'd be like, oh my god, and I'd be like good God country
I would genuinely if I had a giant penis I'd probably be gay
Is that maybe why people do that? I can only fuck women because I'm a tiny because they don't know if I was up above
160 pounds I would be a homosexual
Really? Cuz that's my weight class
60 pounds I would be a homosexual. Really. Because that's my weight class. Wait wait. I can only go to combat with a woman. Oh I see what you're saying. If we're thinking
of this in MMA context when I was in Australia on tour was Nick and Stav there was a they
went to go get food and I was like I jet lag so I like went to I was like I'm just gonna
sleep and then there was a fire alarm and I see these two like
It's it's a country of bros. Yeah, like Sydney. So I see these two bros like
We're like an apartment building like a fucking pimp like loft
The people who booked our tour we made zero money on the tour because they all on that they kept putting us in like Wall Street
money never sleeps
Apartments. Oh by the way Pete let me know at 15. Okay.
And so there these there are these two just fucking like they had to be like six six to
40 just like the perfect male physique and like bros. Yeah absolute bros just like dress
like fucking bros. Yeah, and
They like obviously they had to leave their apartment because of a fire alarm. I had to leave the apartment because of a fire alarm I'm sitting outside. I'm like jet like this shit and I see these guys
I'm like these guys are fucking like these guys are like rugby player bros
Yeah, and then I see one of them has this like tiny chihuahua and he's like am I gone?
How long is this gonna lost and I was like oh
They're gay. They're gay, but then I realized kind of like immediately I was like
First of all the sex that those guys are having with each other the the athleticism the tenacity different
It's a it's a completely different experience those guys are going for 11 hours a day
And it they're doing they're doing like the most
Artistic yeah, they're like doing they're doing I mean they're bending in shapes that you and I couldn't even come it is
There's an athleticism and a tenacity on display like they are they're in peak athletic form
But like they wouldn't have the option of having sex with a hundred and twenty pound woman like they would kill they would kill her
Yeah, yeah, they would they would kill like literally they because of evolution
They only have one option. That's the fuck it to be gay with each other like warriors are often
Homosexual yeah, that's why Spartans are doing it
That's what it's cuz they can't they could they understand that like they're now in a just a different class of like
Fucking actually I got into an argument the other day with a friend, right?
It was like 10 p.m. And a Wednesday and you're like we should have this and we're like, you know, we're ready best friends
Why don't we just do it? My friend's dad said that to him. He was like, he's like you ever fuck a guy like recently
Oh interesting and he's like no and his dad was like what?
Like he thought his son was gay or is that he himself has no he's like he's like did you and he's like
Yeah, have you ever no?
Would you know but like what sir there is a circumstance in which you would I?
Don't think so what if a guy I'm too much of a coward I yeah to be honest
It's because here's the I'm too scared we would both probably both gay guy. Yeah, oh guy I'm too much of a coward I yeah to be honest is because here's the I'm too scared
We would both probably both gay guys. Yeah, oh, I'm gay gay guy in a
Contest to see who's the most gay. We are low value gay guy one of the most low value low value
But yeah, but I feel like I would like if I was having sex with a guy back. This is gay
Yeah, be like this. I don't think gay guys think that no, they're like this is sex. Yeah, they're like I'm fucking I'm
You know I'm like
Maximus so much fun
Well, I don't even know dude. It's all guys. It's like oh
fun man well I don't even know dude it's all guys it's like when we heterosexual sex has an evolutionary aspect to it right like so even if
you're wearing a condom or pulling out your boner is trained to do that
because of like to you want to put it is procreate on yeah yeah because God wants
us to have kids yeah but like if like, homosexual sex is the purest form of sex because
it is purest. It's for sport. We're just rocking it. It is. It is the old. It is the purest
rec. We're not actually having recreational sex with women. No, I'm certainly not. I'm
not having. It's not recreational. It's never been fun. I'm crying. I say I love you. I
kiss. I say I apologize. No, do you do do that too where you apologize or kiss? I bust and I'm like, I'm sorry
No, I'm always like did you like it?
What did you think? I?
Always I so what I do is is this how was it?
I finish I kind of curl up on the side of the bed like this and I say well, what did you think?
Yeah, I put my legs like this. What do you do this? I'm like I?
Can't you're fucking beautiful. Do you do the thing where you kiss a girl? You're like what are we even doing? Yeah?
Yeah, or in the morning. You're like a cross of a girl, and you're like sorry
She's asleep, and you're like looking at her. She kind of like opens her eyes
So you know sorry do you do a thing where you kiss a girl?
and then you say I feel like I'm taking crazy pills no I I kiss a girl and I'm
like I feel like you're taking crazy because what do you see yeah what do you
see what do you see in me have another drink but what do you see in yeah yeah
what do you see this is crazy you mentioned this because prior to starting
recording OJ the OJ news it rocked
our world but it also it got Adam talking about Cosby and thank God this was not I don't
want that on the record no but OJ we talked to your father prior to this we talked to
my dad my dad my dad actually thought OJ Simpson was innocent during the trial yeah it's not
a joke he was like adamant that OJ Simpson was innocent.
He thought that the same way that Mark Furman
planted evidence and tried to destroy a black man,
that people had done similar things to him.
Perhaps, you know, I think that's what,
I think he projected.
He seized himself on OJ Simpson.
Yeah, I think he projected.
You know, he ran 2,000 yards a season.
My dad, you know.
He's also probably ran in his life.
Yeah, he's run.
Yeah, he ran from Africa.
Once.
On foot.
Yeah, once things changed.
Wait, no, come on.
He ran as fast as he could.
So I called my dad and was like, I was wondering if he still thought OJ was innocent. Yeah, and his excuse was like can we just let this go?
Can society just yeah, just let it go dad can stop people stop talking about this
And I thought it was kind of like a actual it was pretty noble of my dad
Yeah, I was very it was a sweet tender conversation. He said I
Was a very sweet man, but however at one point he did say it was probably the son and then at the end
He's like well when you ask if they're having together. He was like well. He did kill her
And that's the thing is like uh-huh I
Never understood this if she's in heaven which is paradise. Yeah
Then it's okay for him to have killed her because he hastened her journey to the forever thereafter
Right like that's what I don't understand if heaven rocks which it has to bro right yeah
Yeah, if heaven's good, then what's wrong with killing your?
Yeah, if heaven's good, then what's wrong with killing your?
Like saintly wife who goes to heaven well the worst I don't know about that, but I do know that if I was in love with a woman right if
Let's say I'm in love with my wife, and then she tragically dies yeah, and I live like for 30 years after her
I'm not talking about other day. Yeah, but it could have OJ could have done
It's yeah, it could have been if he let's say she dies and I live another 30 years and she's loved my life
I can't remarry. Yeah, right and then I get to heaven and I'm like, I'm gonna see her again and she's there and she's just
She had a boyfriend. I didn't know about oh like she's also dead
Yeah, and they've been fucking and now they can finally be together. Yeah, I guess I think I guess I see you can be with your wife and have it. Yeah
I guess I might
Could you kill your wife?
Could you kill her again?
Well, let's not say I killed it. Let's say she had cancer, but would it be okay?
What the fuck are you gonna do in heaven if she's with she's already with someone she's with ordnay
She it was not even an ex-boyfriend. She just met some guy. I'm saying she gets with Mozart. She's
She starts dating motion getting plowed by Mozart. It's been 30 years
She's like, oh hey, and you get in the pearly gates the first thing
How do you know she's been waiting for it Mozart Bach and your wife in a devil's threesome well that's kind of gay I know but
you're with these gay guys but it doesn't matter she's like they European what do you
do it I was laughing to myself the other day about you walk in on your girlfriend she's
she's blowing a guy and you're like no listen and then you're like Stephanie like what the
hell is going on she's like you don't it's not what it looks like and then you're like Stephanie like what the hell is going on she's
like you don't it's not what it looks like and then you're like it's exactly
what it fucking looks like she's like listen Adam we need to talk I was like I
think we do and then I like sit her down like and the guy sitting there yeah and
I'm like I had no idea you were fucking gay this whole time. What? What are you talking about?
Because she's sucking a man's penis.
Okay, she's sucking a dick.
It would actually, I'll say this.
You've been lying to me this whole time about being gay, and then I have like a come to
Jesus moment.
Yeah.
And I'm like, you know what?
I've made a lot of fucked up homophobic comments around you, and you've probably been in pain and I got
to look at myself in the mirror yeah and see what I've done to lead you to this
secret life why you why you're doing like I catch you sucking this gay guys
dick yeah this is one of the gayest guys I've ever seen my entire life yeah yeah you know so you know what if I love you I
gotta let you go yeah yeah live your lifestyle You're gonna go to leather clubs. You're gonna be a dad. Oh daddy fat the hair ones
You might be a bear you might be an otter yeah, but you know what you need to go on your journey
You're fucking gay away with you my dear. It's okay. I
Would I would be I've been listen. I've been cheated on before
Me too, but yeah
Mm-hmm anyway, yeah
And sorry need a second
But I've never been able to walk in on somebody doing it. Oh, yeah, it's always just been like
Well, you know how it goes. Where is she tonight? Yeah, you know
Yeah, where is she tonight? You know? Where is she tonight?
But I've always wanted to walk in on somebody
and be like, what's going on?
Freak out on them.
Is it an illegal context if you commit a murder?
I think there's something about that.
So would it be okay to kill a woman
if you walked in on her committing an act of adultery?
I think what needs to happen then
is you just start fucking the guy.
Actually, Braze, let me stop you right there because I want to talk about a product called
Fume, okay?
Um, you ever tried to break a bad habit?
You were a drug addict.
I was.
I was an intravenous drug user for many years.
You did heroin?
Yes.
Okay.
And methamphetamine.
Okay, so you are a person that's familiar with trying to break a bad habit.
Yes.
And you were like a rent boy?
You did like rent boy kind of? Uh, I was more to own. How are trying to break a bad habit. Yes. And you were like a rent boy? You did like rent boy?
Uh, I was more to own.
How are you playing?
Oh, to own.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
I was a slave.
Oh, okay.
A slave to the drug or a slave?
No, no.
I was a slave to an elderly gentleman who lived in the Berkeley Hills for like four or five
years.
Okay.
And what did you have to do for him?
Just like butler stuff, but I had sex with him sometimes.
Was it like, did you have to wear a bikini while you were...
No, he didn't find me attractive. It was just kind of a slave situation.
So I wore regular clothes.
You didn't have to feather dust.
No, I did have to do that, but it wasn't a sex thing.
It was really just genuinely I was dusting his plate.
I wore a potato sack.
Kind of like the house elf in Harry Potter.
Yeah, exactly. And I did wear sheer tights and stuff like that and pumps
Did you sing spirituals while you were in slavery? I thought it well, I tried to at first of course
He was a he was a professor of sociology at UC Berkeley. Okay, he was like I like that
He liked that. I knew a lot of folkways stuff, etc
But he said that if some of the students overheard me doing appropriate. Yeah. Okay
But he said that if some of the students overheard me doing appropriate. Yeah. Okay
you you felt in the in the past like when you're trying to break the bad habit that you're
Climbing Everest in flip-flops
That was almost exactly what I got. Yeah, and we've been there too
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Okay, and these are heavy-duty, but see when you do that twist. That's like a nice fidget
When you do that twist, it's like a nice fidget. It is.
No, yeah, it's flavored air.
Nothing's happening.
It's flavored air.
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Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, is it supposed to be like...
You can't use a word that starts with S.
No, I know that, but is it supposed to,
is it like electronic or is it just purely...
No, it's a completely analog thing it uses great
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Okay, the first time I tried it. I thought it was more flavorful
Than I was expecting.
And it felt very fresh, doesn't it?
Is there supposed to be like a vapor that comes out?
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Okay guys, thanks a lot. Fume. Brace, you love it?
Yeah, it's good. It's really good.
Yeah, I like it a lot.
It's really good.
I really like it. I'm just saving it for later.
What were we talking about? Okay, so
Okay, so I was at my friend's house 10 p.m. On a Wednesday, right respect and then I had a question
One of us one of us was like how many how many gay men do you think in New York City at that moment?
We're engaged in in
Sex with one another my friend. he opened by saying 300 and then he
Small and then he qualified by saying 300
sex Sessions right 900 guys so it could be 900 could anywhere between six and 900 guys, right?
You could have a train running situation
And of course, this is also qualified by like this is not this is this is anal sex
Okay, so which is obviously takes a lot more preparation
Takes like a lot more
You know like they like you
oral sex I from what I understand from gay friends of mine oral sex is far more prevalent than anal sex because of the
the need for preparation, okay, so I
Said it had to have been over 2,000.
At least.
Man.
How many people live in New York?
Okay, so we have 8 million people that live in New York, right? So that makes 4 million
men, right? So then we started trying to do the math. And this is where it got interesting.
Okay? If you break down the 400 four four million men of the population in New
York City what percentage do you think are gay men?
10 percent. I would guess 10 percent 10 percent. Okay. And that is out gay men. Those are those
are men on the not like Chinese guys. Yes we're not talking about a heterosexual Chinese guy. But then that opens the next
question which is like what happens about men that are not that are still in the closet
or aka on the down low because if you're on the down low my assumption is that the one
part of being gay that you're engaging in is the sex aspect. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You're
not like there's not the cultural aspect of it. You know like like a like a furniture store
You're still well, you're still like we living your lie
Yeah, but like when you know when you're in the shadows, yeah, you're you then you get down to business, right?
But so then you have to assume okay, so what are the numbers?
So if there's eight million and ten percent of or four million ten percent as four hundred thousand
Yeah, amen in New York City.
And this is at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night?
10 p.m. on a Wednesday, which then the next qualifier
is that it has to be peak sex hours.
10, I would say, yeah, it would be pretty good.
10 p.m. is peak sex hours, right?
And then, you know, the assumption is these gentlemen,
you know, they don't have to, they don't have kids, you know, they're really like open, many of, they don't have to they don't have kids, you know
They're really like open. Yeah, many of them don't most of them don't have kids
They're really open to engage in in sex hours. Yeah, especially on a Wednesday
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so but then you have to assume that it's it's current
So like what are peak sex hours you have to say anywhere from 8 p.m. P.m. To 2 a.m
I would well unless you get into 2 a.m. I would say. Well, unless you get into like PNP stuff, I would say.
Okay, so what is that?
That's chem sex, like when you do methamphetamine
and have sex for a long amount of time.
So is that true?
Because it's not that your penis gets small like on...
Mine does.
I'll say this, my penis, when I did meth,
my penis would shrink.
Yeah.
Would become noticeably smaller. I'm assuming that when you're on stimulants, My penis, when I did meth, my penis would shrink. Would shrink. Yeah.
It would become noticeably smaller.
I'm assuming that when you're on stimulants, your penis, like, your blood flow diminishes.
But then there's some people that like jack off for like two days or whatever.
I would never even occur to me.
The thought wouldn't come to my mind to jack off when I was on meth.
Right.
Like kind of a Sting style.
What do you mean?
The singer Sting.
Sting would do meth and jack off. Well, I believe he was into like
Tantra. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if there's a gay style
You're kind of you kind of do tantric shit not like sex but like you do like you meditates. I see you
Yeah, but I like talking. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like to separate my personal
I would say so you're you're you're I would say 300 is a low estimation
So 300 sounds low, but you have to assume that like okay. Let's what is sex
I mean like I don't know those are 20 minute increments. We could have say of sex
Yeah, so we'll say like this is in the 10 p.m. To 10 20 p.m
Window right and like let's say all four like not all four
hundred thousand are engaged in nightly sex. All four hundred thousand. Right. So it has
to be much less than that. So like even if we account for 10 percent of gay men in New
York City that's still forty thousand men are having sex. that night right yeah, so I would say in a 20-minute period it would have to be like what?
Anywhere from 2500 to 3000 yes, that sounds right to me. Maybe maybe if it's like summer more
You know if it's nice out if it's like nice out, but you know if it's cold
But then you need yeah, you need for it, But then then maybe you don't want to take the cab
But it's good like I was more convinced the more my friend told me that he thinks that he thought it was a lower number
Than I was assuming really yeah
I'm gonna say I'm still going with high, but 300 couplings
Makes sense I guess but no that doesn't make sense. I would say I would say at that moment at that moment at that very second
Yeah
That's tough to say because we're just kind of manhattan, right?
No, I would say let's let's account for the five boroughs. So 16 million people right?
It's 8 million. Yeah
Staten island is of course one of the gayest place. What?
Yeah, I mean that's like the Castro district of New York City.
I'm going to say higher, I'm going to say a thousand then if we're being very conservative.
At 1020, there's like 8 million people, that's a lot of people dude.
There's a lot of people.
A lot of people.
Yeah, yeah.
If you're a gay guy, can you write into the show right now or in the show's comments,
can you just like share it like there has to be
a way or ask Chad GPT. That's right. You're right now. Well I don't know if it'll let
me ask sex questions. Just ask how many gay guys there are in New York City. Pete you're
gay. How many gay guys do you think are in New York City. He says half he says half a
million. I believe so many. would say that that New York probably
is a higher percent than other people than other places. Yes for sure. There's a huge
gay population. How do you think 10 p.m. is a good time to have sex. He says one of his
favorite one of his favorite times. I like there has to be a way to like actually to run the numbers
on this. Yeah. Well I don't know if there is. My phone is not working. Also it's Wednesday.
I'm in hump day hump day. That is true. All those there. All those at the weekend. Yeah.
I mean I could see that. I could see that being the case
This is also like a this is like a world that we're like completely ignorant. I'm not completely ignorant
Well you were that that was more of a power thing right was a power that was like you're just trying to get your drugs
This guy just needs his house clean. He really doesn't he doesn't really I
Was a just I there was was a... I've never...
I think I just did not appeal.
There's an app, there's a gay guy app to know how many guys want to have sex like within...
Sniffies.
No, no, no, Grindr.
Grindr's out. Well, I don't know if it's out, but Sniffies is the one now.
What is Sniffies?
That sounds like a...
It's not working. Unable to connect. I might have violated the terms of service.
Sniffies is a... It's like a good work. I'm able to connect I might have violated the terms of service sniffies is a
It's like a map and it's just cocks basically or abs and it's like it's like a it's like an interactive map
There's a cock here and you go when I was in San Francisco a few days ago
My friend showed me the app and he was like, yeah check it out
And there was one guy that was like in the marina and it's like, all right, 9 p.m. or something like that,
like 7 p.m. this Sunday, we're doing a cum dump in this hotel. And I'm just, it's my
first cum dump and I just need everyone to cum dump. They're cum on me.
And so if we're accounting for cum dump situations, that skews the numbers a little bit.
Right. Then you would have to qualify it as just the penises in a butt.
Well, what do you think sex is, Adam?
Well, yeah, this is like these are the conditions that were like, yes, I think like I asked my girlfriend this, right?
What she thinks sex is?
And she's a gay man.
And she probably doesn't think very highly of sex. What she thinks sex is and she's a gay man and she brought anything very high She said that they are having way less
But sex than blowjobs because but sex requires like you can't have like yogurt for two days or really yeah, you can't eat dairy
Oh, well, we would be you have to have your shit like you're gonna have a rockin
You have to have a second diet. You have to like prepare. Yeah interesting. Yeah, that makes sense to me
I guess yeah, yeah, cuz otherwise it's like you know
There's a comedy of errors. I mean
Yeah, but then there have to be certain guys that just want the want the dump that just want
Yeah, I mean, yeah
I would I would qualify a blowjob as a sexual act right? Right itself what we're saying is we're we're gonna limit it just to just a butt set butt sex
So if you're doing that then the 300 or the 600 number
That becomes more realistic if you're saying at that very moment at that very second
But I think it still has to be over a thousand. I think it has to be at least a thousand, yeah.
Equinox is literally...
Well that's, but that's a lot of blow jobs, right?
I don't know, I've never been there.
I've never been to Equinox.
Yeah, apparently it's just, you just go there for...
You can have sex with Andy from Bravo.
You can have sex with, yeah.
Anderson Cooper.
Anderson Cooper, yeah.
Who else is there?
There was another guy.
It's crazy, there's a guy that has to clean that up. Yeah, like a guy. He was like brought across the border by a coyote
Yeah, he's from the high he's from high lasco in San Francisco there used to be this place called the lusty lady
It was like a peep show, but people would have sex in the booths
And the guy that cleaned it up was the singer of the older gay gentleman, the singer of this band, the Dicks, fantastic band.
But he sort of liked to clean it up. Yeah, that was like he kind of liked that.
Oh, he did it as like that's his thing. He's like, I'm rocking with this. Yeah. Have you ever been to a peep show?
I've been to a sex movie theater once in in Montreal. How was that? It was
I was a little bit,
cause I was with a cut, I was with a girl,
I was a little bit.
You were with a cut, like a couple?
I was gonna say with a couple,
but I was just, I was in a couple.
Yeah.
Then they sent us upstairs and there was like,
basically a sofa and then she kind of wanted to do it.
But I was like- Sexually?
Yeah, yeah. But I was like a little bit like worried
about my bum touching the sofa.
Yeah, I get that.
But then I kind of just did it.
And it was like a heterosexual,
it was this place, cinema a lot more,
it was a straight movie.
And then I kind of, it was over,
and then I looked over the balcony
and it was all like 90 year old old gay men because it was like they
didn't think they hadn't figured out how to use the computer that you see you
have to do all and then I kind of just watched it for like for a couple minutes
and it was amazing no I watched like what those guys what were they doing so
there were certain guys that there were two like, what do you call it?
There were two fucking-
Isles.
Isles.
Why am I retargeting?
I want to say hallways.
There were two aisles and so there's certain guys that just walk down the aisle just jerking.
And then they dart, their eyes dart to be like-
Like guards in a video game
Do you want do you want? Yeah kind of like yeah?
Sneak around kind of like a yeah, like a rainbow six. Yeah, and chew
Yeah, yeah kind of a sneak mission. Yeah, and then if I guess if anyone like says like oh nice stuff
Then they'll go and join someone that's sitting alone
Jack in the chairs and yeah, they're standing they're walking down the aisle
The guys in the aisles jacking because I was the guys in the aisles are jacking the guards
Yeah, but I mean are they excuse me are the guys in the seats engaged in masturbation?
Um, I I think there were solos and I think some of them were engaging in masturbation
But I think it's a matter of just if you maintain eye contact, then then they're like, let's let's go. And then, but the most amazing thing
I saw were these three, like, I mean, they were like grandpa Simpson. There were the
three gentlemen in a sitting one, two, three, and then there was a gentleman, the, the,
the alpha perhaps who's in the middle and he was Getting head from the other. I mean these men
They landed on Omaha Beach. This is the greatest generation
Canada they went to there was like another fucking newfound land
They were paid they're under Monty they're under there. Yeah, they're under Monty. They weren't Eisenhower
Yeah, Monty was a cocksucker. No Monty saved our ass a little bit on D day. No, I think you did
I don't know. I think we fucked up a little bit D day
Anyway, he's getting ahead this guy the greatest, you know, this is generation greatest generation
Saved Europe from the Nazis. So I have nothing but Mickey Manil
Marilyn Monroe on the great. Oh these guys nothing
nothing but respect you know hot raw lovers Lane nothing but respect for these guys. Okay.
You know rock and roll one o'clock two o'clock three o'clock rock you know these instead
of this phenomenal guys Jim Crow Jim Crow but they kind of Canadian fizzled out You know, no, these are land acknowledgement. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so he's getting
ahead from the guy on his left and then the other gentleman was just
romantically kissing his neck the gun is right and then he was he was like
Jerking the gun is right and I couldn't
So he's getting one yes and then one like this and then a kissing and then like I
would be I would be I think it was the most beautiful expression of love that
I've ever heard of neurodivergent for that and I think the sensory overload
would make me have a panic attack.
Yeah I know it really would would trigger your neurodivergent.
I it's just something you never expect to see in your life. would trigger your neurodivergent. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think, oh, I don't know.
It's just something you never expect to see in your life.
Yeah.
You had straight sex in a gay movie theater.
But it was a straight movie.
But that doesn't.
It doesn't.
I didn't see it happening until I'd had the straight sex.
But yeah, it was like, I couldn't take my eyes off
those three guys.
Yeah, I've been transed. Old people engage in sex is crazy. It was a real life know you I couldn't take my eyes. Yeah, I'm trans yeah
Oh, what people engage in it was a real life lemon party. Yeah
Yeah, it was that's what it was and I was like, you know, I thought it was probably the three guys from lemon party
We're just still doing it. It was probably three guys cameos
They should they should be like happy birthday. They should recreate it and then like
Your birthday your friends They should they should be like happy birthday. They should recreate it and then like stop
It's your birthday your friends
Hold on my fume. Yeah, you got to rip some fume after that after that hot story
How's it taste
It's good for you or it's not you can't say it's good for you or it's not it's not you can't say it's good for you and this it says in the dome we're not doing the ad read anymore and I'll fucking say
it's good for you it is it's fucking air we'll cut there is so good for you yeah
yeah I do want to know an answer to how many like if there's a way to estimate
how many gay guys are having sex at any given moment in New York City. There
is probably some guy like an intrepid Redditor. You know there's a guy on Reddit recently
that did like I don't know why but he did a ranking of every single NBA players penis.
Every single way. Yeah. No he studied pictures of like of the dick print in
Basketball shorts yeah, who's got that who's got the most rocking thing? I don't know I mean like it's crazy like
To run the numbers is your penis supposed to be visible from your clothing I?
Think it can like especially in an athletic short you can get some dick print
I mean, it's crazy. I get like nothing how the fuck with this guy
Let me see concave is what I'm working with here. Yeah, I would say that I'm wearing compression short
I could yeah, exactly. I could wear I could wear. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would say that but I mean I could wear Lulu lemon
And you'd see so yeah this guy ranked
the meat of every single NBA player and then posted it to r slash MBA it's
crazy like the dedication that this took let me see I got do I have to find I have to find the actual
Yeah, people did I analyze a combination of real-time game footage stills and images. I don't really know what to think
But let's look at the results. I guess starting at the bottom of the list with the smallest is poor poor Tai Tai Washington
He's a two-way guy with a buck
He's a black guy
But this may be the most ultimate stray
Let me see other names rounding out the bottom here
A shocker is Nas Reed all the way to the bottom
Nas Reed Wow Nas read wow
That's a good place to be a goat
270
270. White guy. He's not white. What race is he? He's bright skinned. Tyrese Halliburton. Interesting. Interesting. I was just looking at the Tyrese Halliburton
video of him giving a little quote. Yeah. He has he has some of the worst fashion outside
of the is bad. He dresses like a like he wears those like Canadian Mountie hats and like
they dress like Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band like on the way to play basketball.
Yeah. It's like sweatpants. Yeah. It's all of them like on the way to play basketball. Yeah, it's like sweat pants
Yeah, it's all of them like all NBA. They like really it's a big deal now to be like a fashion
Yeah, they do the little walk-ups to the fucking stadiums
I mean, but it is insane that this guy like ran those numbers. I have a hard time respecting that I
Mean, I have no respect. Yeah, it's difficult for me.
I'm gonna look at the list.
Oh, the penis thing I have a good time,
that's easy for me to respect.
But the like dressing up to go to work
seems difficult for me to respect.
Oh my God, it's pathetic.
But it's also like they commit to crazy, what's going on?
I'm just sitting like this, I don't know.
That's funny.
I don't like that we're doing, we talked about God's penis. We talked like oh that I'm doing this
I mean you're sitting in a very sexual way
Do you think sometimes it's crazy? I saw Adam. I live very near each other. Yeah, and
that
Has given Adam the impression that he deserves access to me sometimes at hours where that would be inappropriate
And so like I go to bed usually at night. Do you not want me to talk about this?
PM every night and go to CrossFit in the morning. They love this like behind the curtain kind of like
Yeah, yeah, we hang out. I wake I wake up sometimes we live a block away from each other just just
Yeah, okay, go ahead, and I have about 50
50 texts eight or nine missed calls from Adam yeah 4 a.m.. Just being like can I come over and talk?
Can I stay on your couch?
Like it's cold as fuck out like I'm gonna fight with my girlfriend
Like I just need someone just a guy. Like, I'm in a fight with my girlfriend. Like, I just need someone to hang out with.
Just a guy.
I just need another guy.
And it kills me because it's, you know,
I think you and I have this long, like,
professional relationship.
That kind of stuff is inappropriate because I think that
if you and I were together like that,
like, I mean together together, like if we actually made it work,
we'd try to give it a shot.
You know, I think that would be really powerful yeah but I think that people I don't
think that it would be well I don't think would be good for us I didn't finish the story
of what my friends dad told him recently but he said that him and his best friend were
like well we are best friends like what what if we just what if we just have sex with each other?
Yeah, and then like then we could just be best friends and also and then they did it and they were like
Yeah, like I'm not feeling it. I'm not like yeah
I don't really feel like having like that gay sex that we had
Fuck each other's asses. I didn't ask
I mean like I'm sure I I'm not sure my friend asked his dad that like if he was
The top the bottom the power you know again were that I don't know if my friend asked his dad about positions
But apparently the notion I have is like that would ruin
My friendship instantly right I could probably fuck
Like let's say like that just happens, but I'm like I'd be like bro. I don't want to fucking see you know
They went back to never they just went back to being normal best friends interesting yeah
it's kind of inspiring I've ever like felt if my dad told me that story as
15 year old it would have destroyed me yeah, but I think as an adult man. I'd be like you know what like I respect
Yeah, I do respect that yeah, I guess I've never felt that much love for a friend
Like not like I want to fuck them. No, like I barely want to see them. Oh my god
Yeah, you know what I mean, especially if they call you in the middle of the night
You call me in the middle of the you did you do you don't call me to talk at it?
What Adam does do is that Adam?
Every night when you have nothing to do. I know that you do this you just call every one of your friends
Not to hang out you like to talk on the phone. I like talking the phone. It's I find it endearing I like a phone conversation. I don't like texting. I don't like texting either, but I don't like a phone conversation
Either no phone conversation you could say funny things and stuff that is true. Yeah. Yeah, but like you you're a caller
Yeah, sometimes you'll and you could act like you thought it was gonna be someone else you'd be like
You just and you could you'll pick up and I'll just be like
And then I'll be oh brace I didn't know is you I thought I thought it was my black friend
like sometimes
I thought it was you. I thought it was my black friend. Like, sometimes, sometimes I will meet up with somebody and they'll be like, did Adam just call you?
And I'm like, Adam just called me too.
People talk about me.
We don't talk about you like that. It's just-
They're like, it's pathetic.
No, they're not saying it's pathetic, Adam.
Listen, I'm- this is-
I call you like I'm walking the dog past your house.
I say you want me to get a coffee.
I'm not saying you shouldn't call me I like it when you call me makes you feel it makes after October 7th
You've given me a lot of strength. Yeah, I wanted I just want I had brace up. I said I'm feeling Schindler
Do you want to watch? Yeah, we did we did go over and then will came over as well. Yeah
Yeah, we just watched dirty work. We did watch dirty work
and ruined it. Yeah. We just watched dirty work. We did watch dirty. It was very we did watch dirty work on October. Yeah. Well after October 7th. No I wanted to get together and
watch Schindler's List after October 7th and then we got together and I was like I don't
want to. Yeah it's too much. You know recently did Nick Nick watch it. Yeah. Get some idea.
And he said it's funny. Schindler's list is funny. He said it was funny which character Oscar Schindler so funny
Yeah, he said that he dressed like a like a pimp when he had to go to the concentration camp to get his to get his
Jews back. He's like slaves. He went dressing dressed like a pan
I was like damn I'm do a rewatch. Yeah, I hadn't seen that in a while. Maybe I will watch that it sounds pretty funny actually
Yeah, I mean it's better. It's listen
Oscar Shin I like how he's much larger than all of us in the movie
Like all the little Jews are like regular size. Yeah, she lives a giant
Yeah, he's like you kind of got a Schindler situation with the beat here. Yeah, don't say don't say how tall he is
It is really embarrassing for me. Why? How tall are you? Schindler situation with Pete here. Yeah, yeah. Don't say how tall he is.
It is really embarrassing for me.
Why?
How tall are you?
Me?
Yeah.
Five foot two.
You tower over me, bro.
It sucks hanging out.
I feel like a dwarf next to you.
Yeah, I know.
I still treat you the same, though.
But you don't.
I see how you treat tall guys.
I call you little feller.
I know, and it sucks.
And you're always like, that's,
cause I obviously with both athletes. I was like, let's hoop. Yeah, that's it sucks. You're always like that's cuz I obviously
Let's hoop. Yeah, that's the thing is you're trying to give me a basketball. Yeah, but I'm just trying to get the meat size
You know that guy Isaiah Hartenstein who you're like that guy's white he's not white his
His dad's black, but he looks like a white guy and that he recently gave an interview where they were like
So your dad's black and he goes yeah
So like basically what I am is like a lot of
people light skinned I'm bright skinned. Interesting. And I was like that's a
really cool thing to say. That's what Sean King should say. Yeah that he's bright skinned.
He's bright skinned. Talcom X. He's so... you... that's insane. Is he still doing his thing?
I need to buy the... how much would you sell me your show for? This show? How much would you sell me a
controlling chair in the Adam Friedman show? Well Nick next I hear so I would have to ask him, but I think maybe
$200 200 you were gonna say 200,000. I would buy the Adam Friedland show for $200,000. What would you do the complete creative control?
Sean King you guys are interviewing like like cool guys or whatever yeah, we should just fucking freaks on here
Yeah, you need to have you'd had that a little bit at the beginning you had that little dwarf gentleman
I wouldn't say he's a freak. I'd say that's a a that is a he's not watching this
Yeah, but I just you don't want to talk shit on past guess I get no I'm not talking shit
I just didn't I just didn't clock him as a freak. I just thought
That's normal to you
Only freak guests on this show. Yeah, and Sean King is a freak. Yeah. Yeah, I mean his commitment to the bit is
Well, I want dole is all really bad. I mean we can't but like you how do I get I get her?
I don't know. I haven't even tried she has fans
Uncertainly and the only fans she has a messaging. you seen the leaks I've seen the leaks. Yeah, you look good. I
Mean I would be honest she doesn't look good. No, she doesn't she's not she doesn't look good in the in the leaks
but
That doesn't matter. She looks good. She did and she could she put in the fucking work
We all know she knows all the warmest people like those. Yeah,, we everyone likes those all but you should have like those all DJ academics on here. I would love that
Yeah, fucking good phase banks. I don't think phase would come on. Why not?
You already kind of had Chad Hanks is kind of a phase banks. No Chad is Chad is cool
Cool, but he's like phase wants to be yeah Adam 22. Yeah, Adam 20 He I would not he's a guy who's interested in in some meat as well
Well, if he let me run train on his girl, I would I would let out if you were my slave Adam
I would make you a star
You're here in New York the patreon if the patreon recovered I would let I would
Going down as a patreon going down precipit recovered. I would let I would be going down as a patreon going down
Precipitously, I think every month it's going down. We're like $12,000 a month right now this you can't have that no
It's not good. Here's not handling it well. I mean Nick. He's money first right
He doesn't he's not a very principled guy no no yeah, I mean I would let you do it
I would let you I would let you okay first thing we do we how do we fix this economy middle seat flight to LA?
And I need you on that fucking Adam 22 porno podcast where you fuck his wife
And I want do I fuck his wife and I talked to him right after I think you talked to him before I've never seen
I got balls wet. I got balls wet
I got pussy juice on my face and I want an honest review for her
I can I can get on his show. He's hit me up plenty. I know you can get on his show
Yeah, I need you to fuck his wife. That's I'm getting on his show is okay fine
Does he got plenty of freaks does it she it has to be broadcast though?
Yeah, it has to be broadcast Adam. Do you want to be famous and rich? Let me ask you this
I don't know about doing sex and do you I'm not asking
I want more than anything to be famous you want more than anything to be famous and rich more people know this about me
I really want to be you want to be famous. Yeah, that's the name of the show and yet what you do in
Practice is you sit here in your little studio. Yeah have have
Is you sit here in your little studio? Yeah have have very little indie rock musicians come in you
Know we need you in LA fucking wives
Yeah, other thing that we need to do is we need we need it's kind of bagel boss type incident from you I want you to assault somebody at a restaurant. Yeah
Viral video think about this what if I tore down yeah, Dasha got kind of famous off that like she's like Alex Jones
I
Need you to in that kind of situation. What if I what if I tore down a
Missing poster for the the hostages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, or you should start putting up missing posted
Missing posters. Yeah, put some up put some up.. Yeah. With your face on them. That's what
I'm saying is you have a very and that piss everyone off. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah. You have
an which is the best troll and you got to get everyone mad. You got to get everyone
mad. If you can't please everybody, don't please anybody. Yeah. That's what I would
say. Everybody mad. That is kind of like the consistent through line in my life is offending
everyone. Everybody. He's the rudest man. You go out to a restaurant with him.
He's slapping asses.
Repulsive personality.
But you love him.
I'm just slap ass and I say sorry I'm bad at personality.
The Comtown and now Adam Friedland show fan base, notoriously repulsive.
Right?
No, I think good guy. There's so much much love and but they but that's between you and me
Taff's I love you guys I'm listening I'm one of them he was in he was in
Afghanistan listening I was a I was a mom on the reddit hometown yeah yeah
yeah you need a street team you need that street team in every single city to be wheat pasting Missing poster missing is Gaza. Yeah Adam Friedland. It's not a bad idea
It's a good I think it would upset my family. But at this point like what the fuck
They love me and they love me enough to like get over that one day they'll all be gone you'll be gone
But you know what'll be here my legacy my brother
My legacy your legacy. Yeah, another thing you need to do is I think that you need to
Well, I you know I like your girlfriend a lot, so this is tough for me to say yeah
Nick's been trying to get me to cheat recently to to cheat yeah, if you cheated oh
My god, I would be so disappointed. Yeah, I can't do it. What with what a dog?
Yeah, if I shoot with a dog that could be the viral incident. That's I'm saying I do well
It's like you already will kind of have a sex date with Adam 22 his wife
Yeah, but I think that like there needs to be some kind of like air
I it's not like a cancellation or something
But you need like a crazy like you need to start dating who's that chick who killed her mom or whatever got out of prison? Yeah? Yeah, you need to start
You don't need to start dating her, but you need to fuck her. You need to fuck that little killer lady
Yeah, yeah, she looks like she looks like shit to you know. I want to say anything because obviously
But you know she's not I'm not but you know I
that's how I view people anyways another thing you need to do is just make the
show better yeah yeah that that that's like that's a good idea I was asking
Nick about that the other day he was just like we're not doing that no he was
like he's not like he's I don't know he said I have a plan trust plan you know I
get that Nick is very smart you know he's a comedic genius. He is the man is he's
Yeah, but
You did the podcast for instance you guys were doing the lab mics
I'm glad to see that the actual microphones have made a retarget sound Pete
Pete says it sounds great. They've got this
gnomish producer back there This is why guys like fucking two four feet tall, but the pock
So what you need to be in here is Adam when people see you mm-hmm. You're like a different kind of man mm-hmm
Right I'm built different you're built. I got a dog in me
In a way that I don't think people have been built before yeah
So you've seen these podcasts like fresh and fit the like the like red pill
This is we were talking about this before the show. I think this is the idea
This is the I think we need girls in bikinis, and I need to be yeah
I need to be yelling at them. You know I think you need to be yourself around them right?
Oh, I don't even have to try to try I think I think is all the Red Bull podcast follow one formula is you pay a
Porn star to come on your show and then you yelled her for being a porn star or a prostitute
You know her for being a prostitute. Yeah
What we need to do is we need to get some hookers in here to disrespect me to disrespect you. Yeah, exactly
Yeah, that's a podcast. Yeah. What we need is a beta podcast. Yeah.
They'll say to me they'll be like you pooped your pants on a podcast. How do you ever expect
a woman to be with you? Exactly. Right. And I'll be like but you don't you you do nasty
things and they're like this isn't about me. This is about you. Exactly. Yeah. And they're
like we're getting paid more than. Yeah. These women are making your laughing stock. You're
laughing. I have three houses. Yeah. Yeah. How much are you making for this? Exactly. Yeah.
And I'll be like, well, the profits play with Nick is I'm getting 5% and he's getting 95.
But you know, I can bump it up to 10. Yeah. But I'm getting the eyes on me. You know,
I'm getting the eyes on me. And I think that would be great if you were sitting there in
like a tank top or some kind of of like like a crop cut thing.
No I'm thinking mesh where you see my nipples through. Yeah. Yeah. If you were dressed. Yeah.
You're mesh. And you're sitting there and just like six busty females. Yeah. Are just
berating you. Top one percent only fan. We would make you a million dollars a month.
You think so. I absolutely think. Who's getting yelled at by women these days? No one. Well all of us at home. At home. It was happening for a second. Here's the thing.
2017 2018 women were yelling right? Women's March, stuff march all that kind of stuff.
Something changed. Yeah, it's true. Now everyone's yelling at women again. Yeah, I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable with that. I love women.
Well, I'm afraid. I'm actually more just afraid. actually more just I'm also afraid because they could say anything and
They'd be like oh, he's got a I wouldn't even call that a dick exactly. Yeah
This is my worry this is my worry
But I think that we could we just need to radically change the form of everything that you do
I think that we could we just need to radically change the form of everything that you do
You're not willing to do it. You want to sit here and you want to have some some stand-up comedian on here to joke around with Yeah, how is the weekend? Well, you do you oh you did this the Thursday late got a little
Spicy there was a drunk guy. I love doing I love doing shows and people don't like that in Milwaukee
Oh, Indianapolis. That's a rough market for me. That's a rough neighborhood to do it. No one cares. No they you know what your one
whore your audience hates and loves you and they love. I think they love me. They love
a lot of love girls. I love them. They're so beautiful guys. Irvine, California next weekend, Friday, Saturday, last minute shows. There are about
25 tickets sold for all of them. And in general, I think this could be the end of my standup
comedy career guys, the improv Irvine, the 19th and 20th of April. Please come out and
see me brace. You got anything to plug? No, I have nothing to plug. Thanks a lot for listening guys. Nick is back
next week.
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