The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 36
Episode Date: January 12, 2024The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 36 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandsho...wclips Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs -- LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Feb 16 — Feb 17: Columbus, OH @ Funny Bone Feb 22 — Feb 24: Nashville, TN @ Zanies ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour Jan 19 - Jan 20: Tampa, FL @ Side Splitters #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey folks, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.
The Adam Friedland Show regular podcast.
The Adam Friedland Show regular podcast.
Not to be confused with the Adam Friedland Show premium podcast, but as you can get,
I didn't have my mic on, am I good?
The Adam Friedland Show regular podcast.
It's an ad for a cool way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make sure you got picked up.
Oh, I can't.
Check this out.
I can put this on my hair now.
Oh my God. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool
Yeah, you should do that for girls
I kind of want my dream has always been to like be like seven feet tall
Uh-huh, and I have like an earring that's also like an earpiece like
An earpiece like security earpiece, but then it's also an earring and then it goes to my nipple
Which is exposed and I'm a b, and I stand outside of a club.
I have mascara on, and I'm like one second.
Are we letting any more people in?
You should get that leg extension surgery.
Y'all can't come in right now.
Y'all need to be about your piece.
Y'all need to be about your piece.
You should get it, but you're not on the list.
You should just get the longest one they've ever done.
You should just look like you have stills on.
Or something.
Guys, I wanna mention that.
No, I wouldn't do the leg breaking surgery,
but what I would do,
because I already have a pretty long reach.
Uh huh.
You know, the surgery.
No, it's called, it's called an ape index.
Yeah, it's your wingspan versus your height.
Yeah, I should, a long reach.
You have a good one.
I have a pretty long reach,
so I'm just gonna get my arms broken
and extended even longer,
so I can just walk around in my hands
and have my legs.
I'm gonna get my leg,
I'm gonna have my leg bones removed
and added to my arms.
There are fitness guys on Instagram
that have like, do like,
plan of the apes like running,
like they like run across, like, plan of the apes, like, running, like, they, like, run across fields like this,
like, in a gallop for fitness.
And, apparently, it's good for you to run around like that.
Apparently, like, getting really good at galloping is good.
Guys, I want to mention, next weekend,
I haven't really promoted this enough.
Tampa, Florida, the 19th and 20th
at Side Splitter's Comedy, I'll be there.
I think I'm bringing Caleb Pitts.
And I think the audience has spoken out.
I threw it to you on the Patreon episode,
which was fucking, it was a really good one this week.
Probably the best podcast ever.
I threw it to the audience.
I said, do you want to see Scumbag Vinnie
on that show?
Overwhelmingly, the audience has said yes.
So I'm gonna get Vinny there.
I'm gonna put my wallet in the hotel safe probably,
but we're gonna see, it's gonna be a fucking big weekend.
So get your tickets, the 19th and 20th in Tampa,
Florida at Side Splitters, and Nick is in Columbus,
so hi, I'm Nick.
How's my unplug when I feel like it, thank you.
I'll plug my thing.
I see those a nice thing that I see.
I'll plug them on when I choose to in the episode.
You cut me off, I was in the middle of explaining what
I would want to do to my body with surgery.
Well, I say that there are guys that do that.
Yeah, no, you just change that's about something else.
Now you're talking about Instagram videos.
Anyway, I mean, I-
Ginsburg, what are the slot numbers today?
Uh, just one.
Just numbers, slot number one.
Okay.
No, I mean, I apologize, especially based on the fact that, you know, you're very, you've
necked.
You're such a good listener.
You never cut me off.
Biting past of aggressive comments.
You've never cut me off.
Passive, aggressive comments.
Well, I mean, I think it's so absurd.
Here's my question.
Yeah.
So you can just, South Africa can just be like, look, we're taking you to
the international court of justice. They can just do that to Israel. And the State Department
is saying this is baseless, that it doesn't have justification. Is the process one in which
it doesn't matter, even if Israel was doing nothing at all, a country likes South Africa
could just be like, Israel's bad, we're going to court,
and then Israel would have to show up and defend them.
How can I do that to you?
How can I, how can we get you,
how can I, can I bring a case to the ICC?
To the ICC.
To the ICC, and I'm gonna say that Adam is passive-aggressive,
a liar, that's gonna break some kind of law. I think it's a war crimes typically, or liar, that's got to break some kind of law.
I think it's a war crimes typically or something like that.
But I would get Alan Dershwitz.
Sex trafficking, you've done that?
I would get Alan Dershwitz.
You have done sex trafficking.
I would get Alan Dershwitz to defend me.
Oh, okay.
If you're able to pull this off,
I will get Professor Dershwitz.
Yeah.
And that's a promise to you.
Well, we covered it on the the the premium podcast this week
available at patreon.com the tunnels the tunnels which I saw some big Twitter thread that the guy was like
They explain I had the explanation
But the first between the thread is like first you have to understand the background of the the Chabad movement
Or whatever it's called. Yeah, is. It was all founded by this one guy.
Minachem Schneer.
Yeah, Schneer, no, no, no, we even further back.
Well, yeah, there was a Yashiva in Lubov.
Yeah, the Lubov guy.
Yeah.
And then the guy in the thread says,
and like this guy was one of the most fascinating people
of all time, like truly like a revolutionary thought leader.
Probably.
Well, then I said, okay, well, obviously this guy is lying.
Then if that's the threat, man.
Yeah, I'm not going to read the rest of this threat if it starts off with the guy that
came up.
A compliment for one Jew.
Well, they got never met.
I got a guy that came up.
I got a guy that came up.
One Jewish guy getting a compliment.
So you're defending it.
I'm just saying, you're saying it's good.
You're saying that discredits a threat by hearing that someone says one guy was smart.
A cult leader, yeah.
Who happens to be Jewish?
A cult leader, yeah.
I wouldn't say cult leader.
If the thread started off saying like,
look, Elrond Hubbard might be one of the greatest geniuses
of all time in a, like a Phil,
then I'd be like, okay, well then this is discredited
in stores I'm concerned.
I think that you're looking at people living
in the 1700s
and applying modern lens to it.
They lived in like a stattle.
They're not running fucking Jonestown cult.
To me, it is, Jonestown.
All right, fine. Go ahead.
So, okay, so you didn't read the rest of the thread or you did?
I did not read the rest of the thread.
So, but you said that it solves the mystery then.
It does not solve the mystery. It's supposed to be some kind of explanation, but we still
don't have. There's still not an answer as to what the tunnels were for.
Maybe you felt like you were getting too close to a logical explanation and you wanted to
live in a fantastical world where anything was possible in those tunnels, right?
It makes it less fun. It seems like you're very much on the side
of the cover up here, and I don't really understand why.
That's not your, you don't go in these places.
I think it's a tribalistic, you know,
I feel like, you know, I have to defend hardworking Jews.
You know, I live in Brooklyn.
These are my neighbors, these are my comrades.
Wait, so we, I only call them Habad the Builder. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Brooklyn, these are my neighbors, these are my comrades, my... Anyway, and these are only called
the Habad the Builder.
That's pretty good.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
I think if I'm not mistaken,
I think five-ish,
I'm 90% sure five-ish is from Habad.
I'm 90% on that.
Yeah, multiple times I've been like,
what the hell is the deal with these guys?
And then I've had people try to explain to me
the nuances of the different types of cartoon characters.
But just look at the outfits.
I don't care.
I don't like, I don't care to understand the different,
whatever my,
what's a pretty simple explanation.
Don't get weird different outfits.
I don't care.
They wear the same outfits to me.
They all look the same to me. No, they don't. There's one with diamonds. There's one blue
brothers. I'm this one with a bigger bockers. They are. I'm this close to pushing the differences
between them and the amish out of my head. We're on this, we're this close to being like,
and now they're on now all of these guys are the same. You're saying that? The omission included. And if it weren't for the, what about me?
You think that I'm the, no, I don't, you're not wearing dumb clothes.
Mm-hmm. You're a different kind. I can understand.
What if I under, underneath, huh?
What if underneath I was wearing a, what do you mean?
Like, I'm Superman. Like, I have the, you're not Superman.
I know I'm not Superman.
I watch Man of Steel on the plane?
Mad good.
Really good.
I missed out on that one.
Was that from like 2009?
Yeah, Zack Snyder.
Didn't it... Wasn't that a giant bomb?
Huge bomb.
Yeah.
I watched on the plane come back from LA.
Also, his body, dude.
We got to get that body.
I need that body for myself, not for...
What's his name?
K-hill?
Let's get back to these tunnels.
Cause I feel like you were about to cook.
Huh? I feel like we were about to cook on the top.
You kept anything I said, you were just disagreeing with me.
It's not disagreeing.
It's a repartee.
It's a witty, it's a test out test.
Sorry, Ginsburg, it's telling me something.
What was he saying?
He's talking to you, she don't mean?
Anyway.
Yeah, I don't know, you can tattoo your own god damn tattoo.
What do you mean, our whole thing is a tattoo tattoo?
No, it's not.
I'm saying something and you interrupt me
and then eventually he said,
at a point where I'm like, no.
No, you finished the sentence.
You said that this man was being praised
and therefore it devalued at this thread
which supposedly explains the tunnel.
And I said, why was that the thing that devalued it?
It was a question.
No, we can run the tape.
Anyways, it doesn't matter.
Let's move on to something else.
No, why not?
What do you think the tunnels are for?
Me?
Yeah.
I mean, in reality? Yeah, that sounds funny.
Like a real estate scam.
Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, let's hear it.
They probably didn't have a right comedy podcast.
Let's hear the real reason.
The time, I mean, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Um, and people, in this day day and age want to jump to these
fantastical conclusions of child sex trafficking, pizza, restaurant. You know, we
go to these default modes, but in reality there were probably, you know, you know, it could have been a good thing, you know? Like what?
I don't know.
Maybe like a, just a place of chill, you know?
Away from your wife and do what?
Just a man cave kind of situation, you know?
Your wife is just like some lady.
She's got 87 different kids.
You and your boys all wear the same outfits.
There's no cell phone service, you're in the,
you know, underground.
They could just vibe out with their boys.
Kind of a players ball,
pimps and players kind of situation underground.
The city doesn't know about it.
Why in the fucking 1930s,
were they doing that and everyone says, oh, those guys are cool
for doing illegal speak-easies.
But when these guys are doing it,
we're saying that they're sex trafficking.
They got illegal bars.
They got illegal really rough bars.
Yeah, just like a kind of, yeah, man cave situation.
Yeah, doling pianos and stuff.
Yeah, put the game on put the war on
You know, mm-hmm five out with their boys. Yeah, you know, you know, I just see a bunch of people in turtis saying like can you imagine if
Like Muslims were doing this in a mosque with a reaction would be
What would that be I would imagine it'd be pretty similar. Yeah, it's
Are you fucking children in those tunnels? I think my reaction personally would be pretty similar. Yeah. Is, are you fucking children in those tunnels?
I think my reaction personally would be the same.
Here's an idea.
If, don't take a tunnel.
You know?
Just don't do that.
Yeah, there's no reason for it.
It would be kind of fun.
What?
Like if we were doing it.
Mm-hmm. And it was our little secret. Mm-hmm. And? Like if we were doing it.
And it was our little secret.
And the city didn't know about it.
There's a secular way to dig a tunnel.
Like if you have a militia or something that makes sense.
Because you need it to get around.
Or if it is, I mean, I guess the real estate thing,
that's the one thing that's been crazy about this war
is like with all the fucking money and like tech that give Israel.
And it's like, yeah, people like, oh, you don't understand the tunnel network in Gaza.
And it's like, yeah, but it's still just shit underground, you know what I mean?
But I don't know enough about engineering to know what kind of hole you can dig that you
can't just put water in it and it fills up.
Yeah, right. You know what I mean? Yeah.
My understanding is that the tunnels that just span like Jersey to Manhattan are like
engineering feats. Mm-hmm. They keep the ventilation going. Mm-hmm.
But like you can bomb those fucking things and these guys are still popping out of holes
and killing people.
It's like, well, I guess, like, yeah, you could have your own tunnel system
and I'm there, like if I bought a 500 square foot loft,
I was about a shitty house, like a tiny shitty house.
Could I just fucking make a mansion underground
that nobody knows about? It would be cool.
And if the police are like, hey, stop doing that.
I'm like, no, I'm not just close to the top.
And then what are they going to do?
Bomb me? They can. I'm in a tunnel.
They can't shoot me.
They just have to wait until I decide to come out.
Yeah, and they don't know how long.
Well, because everyone goes compound.
Everyone always thinks like, you know, like,
Melissa.
Melissa, guys, we're always like, we're going to go out in the woods. Can food. And, you know, like, militia guys are always like,
we're gonna go out in the woods.
Can food, food, water.
They just get shot from the helicopter.
Right.
Or you can take over the post office.
Yeah.
If they had a tunnel, like imagine if the Waco guy
had a tunnel or Ruby Ridge or who's the guy,
who's the post office guy, Aiman Bundy?
That was the Oregon guy.
Right, this will go over a post office. I think so, yeah.
Yeah.
Was that during Obama?
I think so.
Yeah.
And then that guy's on the news now.
Is he?
He's like a pundit on Fox.
Well, he said that he had some,
I remember seeing him recently,
and he has some kind of a lib take
that pissed people off.
He was like, Hillary Clinton's awesome.
You know, I don't know.
Like he said, or he said, like, Trump was bad or something.
And people are like, fuck you.
They should have captured a shot.
Apparently Richard Spencer did that too.
Yeah.
He said Biden's the best president ever, isn't he?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I always confuse Richard Spencer and Richard Simmons. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I always confuse Richard Spencer and Richard Simmons.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Do you remember when that was like a big disc in elementary school?
What, you need Richard Simmons.
Saying someone was Richard Simmons?
Saying someone was like Richard Simmons?
Yeah, like I needed Richard Simmons.
Oh, that was another one too.
You're so fat you need Richard Simmons. Yeah, like a heated Richard Simmons. Oh, that was another one too. You're so fat, you need Richard Simmons.
Yeah.
He was kind of an introduction
into a queer culture for our generation, I think.
Okay, Ginsburg.
All right.
You're late now with the Ginsburg.
Trace.
What is this?
Generally.
How bad?
So it's the beginning of a new year.
We want to grow our business, right?
Mm-hmm.
And there are plenty of tedious tasks.
We talk about this a lot on the show.
That would be better for us if we automated them, right?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So, this year, if you're stuck in the trenches on daily tasks, like managing order for
fulfillment, and you're not able to focus on what really matters, which is increasing
sales.
What you should do is you should sign up for ship station, which can help you increase
your profitability by automating your workflow and keeping costs down with industry leading discounts.
No matter what you sell or how you ship,
your business can grow with ship station.
That's kind of cool too.
It sounds like...
He commerce is only gonna get bigger and bigger folks.
I think that's a safe bet.
Yeah, probably.
More people are gonna be buying shit online
and I said there's going to be a process of,
well, I think the ship station incorporates
with Etsy anyways, so it doesn't matter whether,
you run your own Shopify store, you have an Etsy shop,
if you're doing anything where you need the ship stuff,
which you should.
Honestly, it's very easy to start a side business.
There's like very little overhead.
It's like, you know, a lot of rich people,
they make money and then they start,
you know, they're like, oh, I'm gonna have a business
a side hustle and then they get like a McDonald's franchise
and they cost like $2 million.
Regular people can't do that.
But you can always sell buttons or fucking trinkets.
You can learn how to make trinkets and sell them.
And even if nobody buys the fucking shit,
there's no overhead, you know?
You're trying to thing to make, and it's fun.
And then you'll know, you'll know,
I don't have not cut out for this world.
If you fail at it.
And if I can't get a single person to buy my trinkets,
then it's like it's either me or capitalism, it's wrong.
But even if we lived in communism,
I'd say I'd go to the generalissimo
and he'd say like, oh, your job is gonna be to...
Trinket, well, no, he wouldn't say that.
You would just follow along here, come on.
I'm sorry.
I'm slow today.
You'd say, well, I can make these trinkets and they'd say, yeah, sorry, we don't need fucking trinkets. say that, you would just follow along here. Come on. I'm sorry. I'm slow today.
You'd say, well, I can make these trinkets and they'd say, yeah, sorry, we don't need fucking
trinkets.
Yeah, it doesn't sound very communist.
Trinkets.
You're going to work in the factory, but I literally can't do that.
That's what the goal.
I thought the only thing I could do was trinkets.
So they probably just, they'd feed you the dogs, I guess.
And this is what would happen. So they probably just, they feed you the dogs, I guess.
And this is what would happen.
But I guess all that is to say, you might as well,
but it's not, you should always take a chance.
And so you should start.
You gotta put yourself out there.
You should start an online business.
You should start an online business.
And when you do, you'll quickly find
that the only way to ship anything is with ship station
using the integrated shipping stuff or doing yourself.
You can easily automate shipping tasks and manage orders
in one simple dashboard. It is. They make everything so foolproof,
even a clown could use it, even a fool, right?
So guys, it's effortless integration.
You manage orders, print's effortless integration.
You manage orders, print labels, compare rates.
Everything is done basically for you.
Shipsation is the gold standard.
That's what they...
And because they do so much business, they have discount rates with USPS, UPS, DHL, and
global posts with discounts of up to 89% off USPS and UPS.
That's freaking, friggin' huge.
You know, that's awesome, right?
How do they even negotiate that with the government?
USPS could be like, we like you.
This is a sound fair.
Yeah, it's just, yeah, that's how everything works.
Really?
Yeah, you're buying a bulk, you get a deal.
Wow.
So over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business
with shipstation and 98% of the companies
that stick with shipstation for a year
become customers for life.
That sounds fucking awesome.
So guys, this is what you have to do.
Use promo code TAFS today at shipstation.com
and sign up for free for a 30-day trial.
That's free.
That's a free month.
No money.
That's shipstation.com, promo code T-A-F-S and you can sell your freaking trinkets and get
and pull yourself out of freaking poverty.
Right?
Why are you keep saying freaking?
I don't even have a Mormon audience.
All right. Yeah.
Do you have drugs? Scott and more expensive.
Like weed and cocaine or something?
Right.
No, I think it's pretty much like still 60 for an eighth.
Yeah, I was at that, that's not subject to inflation.
Oh.
I guess it's its own self-contained market, I suppose.
No, it's got to self-contained market, I suppose. No, it's gotta be transported.
It's...
We're gonna bring it to the United States.
You would think that that would affect prices at some point.
But how are they transporting it on like...
You know, little dicks.
Rubber dicks.
Weed?
Maybe weed, so.
No, weed's strictly now.
That's domestic and it's legal now.
Yeah, but cocaine?
No, that comes over in fucking shipping containers.
Shipping containers.
There's no way the amount of cocaine in the United States
is being brought here and like someone's ass.
It just doesn't make any sense.
It has to be, yeah, like massive.
It's coming through on boats.
There's gotta be like the ports are compromised.
But that should be more expensive.
Shipping costs, especially now with the thing going on in the Red Sea,
like the prices have gone up,
but you never see it reflected in drugs.
Oh, because the Suez canals cut off.
Yeah. Infects with it.
Yeah.
The Suez canals, fucking sick, dude.
Yeah.
They used to have to go around after you.
I want to do it again.
That sucks.
They do it again.
Not so far.
Because the, the, the, you many guys,
you know what I love about them? Yeah.
Is like all of them have like the lens crafters, like the, the first pair of glasses you get.
Kind of like the, the $10 option at lens crafters glasses.
I haven't seen, aren't they, they have it.
They have that.
Don't disagree with me.
It's me.
Mass typically.
No. They have the, you many guys have the fucking glasses.
So don't not, don't do that.
Let's not do another thing where you go, no, that's not true.
I didn't say that's not true.
I just said, no, they were a team at the same.
They very clearly do not wear a ski.
The videos are sick of them going on the boats
with like the, the, the guy the talks, whatever's name is,
he has the glasses.
Oh, he's just doing like a streaming kind of thing.
He's like in an office.
He's a spokesperson, I guess.
Yeah, for the Houthis.
He's like a Hassan kind of.
He might be Houthi.
I guess that's some guy's name.
Houthi?
There's a guy named Houthi that was one of them.
I don't know what I want to be with you.
Yeah.
Houthi in the buffet. Oh, Houthi and the Bofi.
Oh, that's great. Huh?
That's pretty funny.
I don't know what I'm wearing.
Darius Rucker.
I believe so.
I'm not one of your guests.
I don't know what I'm wearing out there.
I'm not one of your guests on this show
that you're doing this at.
And there's also no camera operators here
for you to kind of say the joke too. And then, and visit, and there's also no camera operator here for you to kind of say the joke to, and
then laugh in their direction.
I'm trying to stop doing that.
When you bomb towards, when the guest gives you nothing, and then you, you kind of just
deflate in the direction of, I'm not one of them.
You don't have to be. I'm supposed to be on board with your Houthi
and the Blowfish after I started,
everything I say.
No.
I just said why, I was giving it back to you,
you said that someone praised a rabbi from the 1700s.
I said that's why.
Are you immediately start growing? I'm just doing, no, we moved on. No, I I said, that's why. Are you immediately start growing?
I'm just doing, no, we moved on.
No, I, I, I, that's not a no.
I already moved on.
I asked you why.
I already moved on.
I asked you why.
I already moved on.
I already moved on.
I was so difficult for you to see a compliment
to one guy from the 1700s.
God, from the 1700s.
And the glasses thing?
And the glasses thing is playing that.
I said, I've only seen them in a ski mask.
You know God damn well who I'm talking about
and you know what, you know what I'm talking about. And now you're fucking know God damn well who I'm talking about, and you know what I'm talking about.
And now you're fucking, you're pretending like
I'm talking about something else.
No.
Just to undermine my observation.
No.
I don't, you know way more about this stuff.
I'm not, I don't know anything about it.
Oh, you're on, there's a video that's taking you.
They're on the internet all day.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You're really well versed.
I'm just ignorant. I don't, I thought they wore now, as you may know, I'm really well versed. I'm just ignorant.
I don't, I thought they wore ski masks.
You know what I'm talking about.
You know the guy with this glasses and you're doing anything you can to just poke holes.
I don't know what you're on to.
You know, you are an expert in Jewish crimes and you spend a lot of your day reading about
various, this is because of the I.C.J. thing going on. I think that's it. A lot of what's reading about various, this is because of the various Jewish crimes around the world. It's because of the ICJ thing going on.
I think that's it.
A lot of, what is the ICJ?
The International Court of Criminal Justice,
whatever this thing South Africa did.
I'm South Africa.
Yeah, do you feel, so, so, so,
this is probably a big,
so say there's a, there's a,
there's a big conflict for you.
So say thank you a lot.
Thank you.
The internal conflict for you.
I'm not from Israel, huh?
I'm not from Israel. You went there. I'm from Santa Monica, California, but. Yeah, but you went, you lived there. They internal conflict for you. I'm not from Israel. Huh? I'm not from Israel.
You went there.
I'm from Santa Monica, California, but.
Yeah, but you lived there.
I lived in South Africa too.
And you did sex trafficking while you were there.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
They called me the Jeffrey Epstein for grown ass.
Women.
Yeah.
And it's sex trafficking.
You shut your fucking hole.
Yeah, there you go.
Sex trafficking.
Nick, you just know a lot about what the Jews are up to.
I will keep past.
First, I'm talking about Yemenis.
I don't know.
I said the video that conflict is related to a regional conflict.
I obviously don't know because I started off
to say I don't understand.
I'm sorry, I didn't know about the say, I don't understand. I'm sorry I didn't know about the glasses.
I don't understand who this guy is.
I read an explanation of the tunnels
that was giving way too much information
on the religious background.
And ultimately the point is, it doesn't matter.
There's no.
It doesn't matter the real life.
If you can't tell me in one sentence,
why you're digging secret tunnels
and fighting with the police when they try and fill them in,
then it's like you have to be lying to me.
Who, Hamas?
Anybody, Hamas.
If Hamas says we're digging tunnels
so that we can commit,
we can fucking hide our weapons that makes sense.
They are saying that.
They're straightforward.
It's not like they've discovered secret Hamas tunnels and they're like, listen, you don't understand what these are for.
It's actually, so you got to start 200 years ago, right? And if somebody, if I had a secret tunnel
and I was like, okay, I know, look, there's just a first of all, yes, there's a stroller and a
boy mattress in there. But first, so, okay, so hold on. You know when, like, everything was steam power.
So basically back then, there was a guy
who, it's literally like, oh, damn, oh, for you,
ham, what happened?
Yeah, no, that's what the thread is.
So that's what they find in there, a bloody mattress.
They found a bloody, I've read the word child size.
I don't know if that just means a twin mattress.
It was a twin mattress, I would say.
Yeah, but they also make children's mattresses.
So I don't know if it was a...
So it was in a race car?
What's that? Like a race car bed?
No, I think it was just on the ground.
It would be very weird to have a child sex slave
that you gave a race car bed to.
Well, in terms of being a child sex slave,
I think it's one of the best options.
I think you keep them in a kennel.
I don't think they get a race car bed.
I'm just saying, I'm just saying,
it's for me, I'm an avowed centrist.
It's a wait and see.
You know, and I'm sure that there's a perfectly logical explanation.
But see, you can't wait and see
because it starts off with seeing.
Mm-hmm.
So it's a see and wait.
So how about this?
We lived 10 minutes away from there.
You and I just go check it out for ourselves.
Yeah.
I can go into skies as one of those guys.
Well, we should get a pair of nun chucks first
because those guys, what are they carrying on?
They carry like throwing stars on them or nun shucks?
Those guys?
Yeah.
No, I think that's Chinese people.
Oh, okay.
Those guys, I mean, I'll just get a blues brother suit,
get the hat, I'll go in, say, hey guys,
I'm one of the boys.
What's the deal?
What were we thinking with this?
And then I'll break the story.
It's called Citizen Journalism.
What if this is just like a viral marketing campaign
for John Wick Fox?
It might be.
It might, he's a guy that dug stuff.
Well, yeah, well, it's just, you know,
like the movie starts off.
There is a scene in John Wick, like two, I think,
where he goes to like heccidic bank.
Yeah.
And they're like, oh, good, good luck.
I'm just out of WIC.
You know, he does meet them.
So maybe it's something to do with the John WIC movies.
I started related to that.
I started a Harry Potter game.
And for girls, by the way, it's for adults, actually.
The Harry Potter game, you buy for your girlfriend. So that, it's for adults actually. They're a part of the game.
You buy for your girlfriend.
So that she can't go with my girlfriend.
She can also like the PlayStation.
And then she plays it for five minutes.
And you're like, see, you like video games and then you play Call of Duty for 15 hours
straight.
And she can't get mad because, well, I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure I saw your dumbass
playing video games also.
So, yeah, you're, So, you need to fuck off.
You can't tell me to stop.
While we spend different amounts of time playing games,
but it's because I'm better than you.
I'm playing it with her and it is infuriating
when she has the sticks.
Why?
Because I just wanna play.
Oh really?
Yeah, I feel like one of those kids
who invites someone over to your house to play one player game. And then I'm just like, just keep it to me. Just let to play. Oh, really? Yeah, I feel like one of those kids who invite someone over to your house
to play a one-player game.
And then I'm just like, just keep it to me.
Just let me play.
She's like, girly playing the game.
She's doing it in a girl manner.
She wants to go to the, to try on different outfits and stuff.
She's controlling and abusive in relationships,
what you're saying.
It's a little bit of a stretch, but yeah.
So you're saying, I'm explaining time with my girlfriend's a little bit of a stretch, but yeah, I mean. You see, you're saying,
explaining time with my girlfriend, quality time with my girlfriend.
What you're saying is you see your girlfriend enjoying something
and your mind is filled with, I need to abuse,
I need to take this away and abuse this woman.
No, it's just girl.
In the way I would.
Girls don't know how to play.
A child prostitute that I would,
girls don't know how to play. Girls don't know how to play. I could just girl in the way I was. Girls don't know how to play. A child prostitute that I would have.
Girls don't know how to play.
Girls don't know how to play.
I could play video games in a, in a, in a,
efficient bitch.
A logical way.
Why at a tunnel right now your ass
should be in there on your shitty
minute.
In your race car, but in your shitty
madness that I shit on.
All right.
They have, I'm not that far into the
Harry Potter, but they have presented it. I'm not that far into the Harry Potter,
but they have presented it.
I'm sure there'll be a twist in this storyline,
but the bad guys are the Jewish troll banks
in the Harry Potter game.
What do you mean the bad guys?
You know how like the bad guy voled them more?
No, no, no, in this, I think this is a different era of Hogwarts.
And there's problems with the Jewish trolls. Yeah. So I think you might actually talk.
We kind of talk about it, but like, you know, like, goblins, not trolls. Yeah. Yeah.
What is it like, because you see the, like, people on Twitter talking about like all the expulsions that happened throughout history
like
At like the ethnic like ethnic cleansing you're talking about yeah, yeah, I never actually looked into any of them
Uh-huh. I was never like why do you know why they happen why people were kicked out
Well, yeah, just sold on the idea that people were like oh well of course people were racist It was 12 people were kicked out of their home? Well, you just sold on the idea that people were like, oh, well, of course people were racist.
It was 12.
People were racist in 1950.
So you want to hear them out.
You think?
No, I don't want to hear them out.
So you want to hear out the kickers.
This is a weasel thing that you're doing
where you're trying, you're reading,
you're not even letting me explore.
I'm just asking.
Explore an idea of asking.
It was sort of a childlike,
sort of fascination.
That they may have deserved it.
Okay, then you know what?
Never mind. That won't even talk. Okay, explore. I'm not even trying to makeination. That they may have deserved it. Okay, then you know what? Never mind.
That won't even talk.
Okay, explore.
I'm not even trying to make the point that they may have.
You said childlike fascination,
that sounds beautiful.
I'm saying what I'm saying is this,
is you know that people were racist in the 1950s.
Right.
And you think about it and you're like,
all right, that was 50 years ago.
And you're like, okay, well, 100 years before that, they fucking slaves, you know, and I'm like, that's way worse.
So, but that's like a hundred and fifty years. And it's like, okay, the year 1290. And I'm
like, that has to be the most.
Can you imagine if a black guy accidentally wandered into 1290 England?
Yeah.
I mean, were there black guys there at that point?
I guess so.
They had colonies in Africa.
They would have to do a type of racism.
I feel like he would just turn into a crystal.
Yeah, whatever feeling they would have to him
would alter the structure of his material.
There would be a cauldron and some sort of satanic right.
I think it would be beyond that.
I mean, the cauldron and stuff, that of satanic right. Like I think it would be beyond that. I mean, the call's written in stuff.
That's like 1500s, but 1290.
Like people thought dragons were real back then.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I guess I do think often,
like my family got on the wrong boat from Lithuania.
Literally, like it was like 10 brothers
and they all went to Connecticut, I think.
And then my dipshit ancestor literally
just got off the boat in Africa.
And it was like before there were pictures of anything.
Like what that guy must have been like thinking he was like
like where it was like seeing Avatar or something.
Seeing Black people for the first time.
No, it's not even Black.
It's like being in Africa and seeing animals and stuff.
You wouldn't know what a lion looks like.
You mean black people.
You wouldn't know what a lion looks like.
If you're referring to him as animals.
No, I'm referring to animals as animals.
You said it would be like being in animals.
No, I know, I see you.
I see you.
I'm saying that you wouldn't know what a,
what is, like an elephant looks like.
Cause there were no pictures of them.
You lived in a stedal and fucking shit hole, Russia.
You must have been like seeing Avatar one.
Yeah.
But they didn't have Avatar wasn't,
that doesn't make any sense.
I'm saying that it must have felt like you were
for the first time transcending. You're saying seeing black people,
if you didn't see black people.
I didn't say black people.
It would be like seeing animals.
No.
In Africa, you said these Africans,
they're like, and they're like,
if freak animals from the movie Avatar.
Listen, we all...
That's not the point I was making.
That's not what I'm saying.
Which is about how racist it's,
you made, they took the inverse of what I'm making. That's not what I'm saying. Which is about how racist it's, you made, they took the inverse of what I'm saying is that,
is that like, yes, I, it was 10 gentle to what you said,
right?
It was not about the racism, but what I am saying is like,
in the year 1900, that guy must have been like,
is this New York?
How much commas, too much come to have on your clothes
before you have to?
You more have just dandruff.
You've got this dandruff costume.
And the, yeah, before you change it.
You know, you can go to it like a shampoo for it.
I have very bad dandruff, too.
Care.
Why?
Because I don't care.
But it's not a good look.
I don't care.
I don't give a shit.
Because I don't care.
There is no why.
You don't make a decision.
You don't need fucking reason.
What is, that's nothing to do with society.
No, because that's how far we'd have to be for you.
You're the society guy.
What do you mean, you don't,
I'm someone just living my life and you're like,
fuck that dude.
You're having dead skin covering your shoulders.
Yeah, some people just live their lives.
And you can't tolerate that.
You say, you can't live my life.
Look at all these black animals.
I didn't say that.
You said literally so.
Five minutes ago.
I didn't say that.
No, can you imagine, we got on the wrong boat.
We could have gone to White America
but instead we ended up in animal life.
No, they probably would have thought it was New York.
And then they see a fucking elephant
and they're like, what the fuck is this?
Yeah.
You know that.
No.
I mean, it's funny the way you misread it.
I didn't misread it.
You misread it.
It's funny.
I just feel like I can't, you know,
I'm, it's funny the way you misread it.
It's just being associated with you even.
Well, I mean, that's my, this, this is fine.
The day and drift is your horrifically racist.
You were claiming that you had come on your shirt,
and I said, it looks more like you have a tremendous amount,
a deluge, perhaps, of Dandruff, on your shirt.
And then you took an exception with that.
Yeah.
And then even as you took an exception,
you wiped the Dandruff off.
Which in reality, you were confirming what I was saying.
I was trying to wipe the cum stains.
You can't wipe cum stains, it's a stain.
It might not have been in a logical,
when you were doing the dandruff.
I might be more all the way up here.
How'd you bust over there?
I think it's toothpaste actually.
I was joking when I said cum.
I know.
Yeah.
I know.
Was it a test hot set?
Yeah. I've been doing a grass set. Who's a test hot set?
Yeah.
I've been doing a...
It's a witty reparsation.
I've been doing aggressive, just oral hygiene because I've had a series of dental appointments.
And I'm trying to like trick the dentist into thinking that I'm better at brushing my teeth.
Literally the morning you go to the dentist, I'm like, I'm going to floss for the first time in two years right now. I had a long period where I wouldn't my teeth. Literally the morning you go to the dentist, I go to the dentist, I'm like, I'm gonna floss for the first time in two years right now.
I had a long period where I wouldn't do that.
I didn't wanna get in trouble.
Well, that was like that when I was younger
and then I hit my mid-20s and it was like,
well, I'm paying them to clean my fucking teeth.
So I'm bringing them in there dirtiest shit.
Yeah, you're not even a real fucking doctor, bro.
Yeah.
You're a cleaning lady for mouths.
Yeah. But now I have problems, so I want're a cleaning lady from mouths.
Yeah, but now I have problems, so I want them to just address the problem, so I get the
basic stuff out of the way first, and then I'm like, hey, is this bone? Is that my bone
that I can see? And what did he say? And they say, yes. You need very painful surgery. I think it'll great.
You think they're gonna, it's gonna change your kind of appearance or the way you speak?
No, I'll probably. Why have you come out of that with just like the gayest
list of all times? They said there's a recovery. I won't be able to talk for three days
which will be good. You know, you know, most make sure to be scheduled on
right before the podcast.
Yeah, it would be fun if you,
if we did an episode where you're riding in pain.
That was funny that one episode
where you had literally no voice
and you just sound like a soprano's character.
Mm-hmm.
The year that's just like, oh, by the way,
today's episode is...
Oh, I don't know.
That's just like one guy, I think.
It's like one actor who is in like good fellows.
It sounds like that.
And then people think of, you know, Lucy guys.
Lucy is upping the nicotine pouch game with breakers.
Pouch is packing a little something extra inside.
That sounds little sexy.
That sounds a little, doesn't that sound like,
I'm not like other girls.
Nothing.
What are Lucy breakers?
If you know, Lucy isn't like...
Lucy, you got some explaining to do.
And the explaining is, what the fuck is,
I know you see this and you're like,
what the fuck is Lucy?
Yeah, is that for girls?
It's a girl's name.
No, it's not, it's gum.
It's gums, graggers, and pouches. It's gums, crackers, and pouches.
If you know your pouches, you know that nicotine
doesn't hit immediately, and neither does the flavor.
The geniuses, this is in the copy.
The geniuses at Lucy came up with a brilliant way
to fix both those problems.
They put a mini liquid capsule inside each
breakers pouch.
So what you do is you grab the breakers pouch,
you break the capsule, yes, with your teeth, and it makes a really satisfying pop.
So you put in your lip and you enjoy immediate niggas.
Those are the breakers pods. These are just, this is just gum.
That's the gum. Yeah.
Those have gum. Gum is simple. You chew it, although it has instructions on the back here, You chew it 10 times and then you put it in your cheek.
Breakers are four or eight milligrams of tobacco-free,
100% pure nicotine, six delicious flavors,
unique ones like apple ice, espresso,
and classics like mint or mango, the classics.
Yeah.
So what's your favorite flavor, Nick?
Pomeranian, this one.
Yeah, it's amazing, fantastic flavor.
And guys, here's what you need to do.
You need to break up with your dusty gas station pouches
and go to lucy.co slash T-A-F-S
and use promo code T-A-F-S to get 20% off your first order.
Lucy offers free shipping
and has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind.
That's Lucy, L-U-C-Y, dot-C-O,
and use the code T-A-F-S to get 20% off.
And always free shipping.
So guys, here comes the fine print.
Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified.
Warning, this product contains nicotine.
Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
That's Lucy.co slash T-A-F-S.
Check it out.
Great flavors, great breakers, great gums, great pouches.
Break up with your dusty gas station.
All right, and now we're back.
What were you saying?
I don't know.
We were talking about dentists or something.
It'll be a good line of work to be in.
Dermatologist.
Yeah.
Cause there's no chance you kill someone, right?
You're not gonna leave a watch inside of someone's life.
You could probably do it.
You'd probably fuck that up.
I'd probably find a way to kill a guy.
Yeah.
And I feel like mostly what they're doing is they're just selling.
It's always so funny.
They're selling bow talks.
Whatever.
You tell me you're like, yeah, I was gonna be a lawyer before.
Yeah, it's just so funny to me. That's really, yeah. You would be like, you, I was gonna be a lawyer before. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's just so funny. That's really, yeah.
You would be like, you would be defending,
you're like a public defender.
Mm-hmm.
And be like a guy.
A noble profession.
But I appreciate that.
I'd be like the bum public defender
as somebody gets.
And they've done something, it's like misdemeanor shoplifting.
And then they'd get the death penalty.
They'd get the death penalty, and then yeah, you would be,
you'd also get the death penalty.
Somehow, you'd be so bad at fucking presenting their case.
They'd be like, I think we have to kill the lawyer also.
Yeah, yeah.
It'd be a new legal precedent.
Yeah.
But yeah, I don't think I would have been very good
at being a lawyer.
I'm pretty lazy and sloppy.
But maybe my brain would be different.
I would be like using it more.
I learned at a young age, I was like,
I'm gonna be an idiot.
I'm gonna be a loud mouth idiot
because that seems to be a way you can live your life pretty easily. You can just be
a loud idiot. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. And worst case scenario, you get treated like
a loud mouth idiot known as an irrespective of you. Oh well, 50% of the time you get to
be famous. Yeah, I think so.
I think that was the numbers.
It's close to that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're like a guy.
If you're loud and wrong enough,
you get a radio show.
As long as the cameras are turned on.
Yeah, you're a rush.
If you're loud,
if you like speaking,
and you don't really like thinking about things
that are looking into them
Or being correct
It doesn't matter and if someone wants to argue with you, you just go I'm not on time for this. Yeah, fuck you
I don't have time for this
If you just get it Mike. Yeah, just get a microphone and
You know who knows what happens just do outside of, just start sending Fox News Corp
on 6 Avenue.
Just go bring, just walk up these,
be like, yeah, I made a couple of VHS tapes
if you could get these producers,
see if they like him.
And it's just you in your room.
And you're like, yeah, fuck these fucking illegal immigrants.
Fuck them.
Yeah, fuck them. And then you're like, yeah, fuck these fucking illegal immigrants. Fuck them. Yeah.
Fuck them.
And then you're like, my name is Mark Bart.
I'm available.
Mark Bart.
I'm available for a TV show.
If you'd like to have me on, please.
Yeah, I'd like Jesse Waters slot.
Yeah, the Mark Bart out.
And I don't want to rock the boat too much,
but I think you might need a replacement for that guy
because I think Jesse Waters might be a homosexual.
I think he might be actually be there's something.
I think he might be.
There's something about the way he carries himself.
And I think he might be a homosexual
that's also my pitch for my show on Fox News.
It's called, this guy might be a homo
and we pick one the homo of the day.
The homo of the day.
It's fun.
It's called, fuck these fucking people.
And we have a big wheel we spend
that is this gaze and it says gaze and homo.
So it's a gaze, homo.
Illegal immigrant alien bastards. And then, you know, we
don't really say the blacks anymore. So we'll say BLM activists. You just say, yeah, you
have to just say BLM. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're mentions. Yeah. Right. BLM mansion
nights. They all have mansions. Yeah. Yeah. That's boy cry. I think they might be homos.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The BLM homos.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
We really need a pivot to conservative media.
I think it seems so fun.
We get accused of it all the time, but I do.
Yeah, but we don't even,
we don't even get the benefit of having fun.
Like those guys probably are.
Like, they're all like sexually harassing the benefit of having fun. Like those guys probably are. Like, they're all sexually harassing each other
and having fun.
Yeah, and like, us, we're just miserable
and getting accused of it.
I'm actually not miserable anymore.
I had some kind of like, office-based,
office-based thing where I just don't fucking care
about anything.
And not in like a nihilistic way.
It's just I stopped worrying.
Was it like a moment?
I think it was just booking doctors and pulling this.
I'm like, I can just go to the doctor.
Yeah.
I've been on a brushing your teeth tip.
I can't just if you do the errands,
maybe you'll build your up with the little...
No, it's not the errands, really.
If I'm worried about something,
I can just go pay out of pocket and go to the doctor. Maybe you'll build your up with that. No, it's not the errands really. It's like if I just, if I'm worried about something,
I can just go pay out of pocket and go to the doctor.
It's also too.
Here's a hot tip.
Here's an Adam Friedland show tip.
And you can cut this and clip it, Michael.
And this is sort of a public service announcement.
I mentioned it before, but now for New York residents,
it is illegal for any medical office or collection agency
to refer medical debt to your credit report.
So if you have any, if you live in New York state and you have medical debt, you can now
dispute it with the three credit reporting agencies.
You just say, hey, this is illegal.
It's wiped off.
Is that all medical debt, all medical debt?
Even elective plastic surgeries, all medical debt? Even elective plastic surgeries.
All medical debt.
So if I got a Brazilian butt lift,
and I did pay, it wouldn't affect my credit?
No, it would no longer, they can no longer submit it,
it's no longer put it in.
I'm about to be a hoe, guys.
I'm about to hoe out.
Yeah, that's amazing.
Yeah, they can still sue you for the money.
Well, you know, and then I'd be like, fuck you.
You have to go to court, but they can't put it,
you know, they can't put it on your credit report.
So if you have something like that hanging over your head,
good to know.
Good to know, good to know.
Yeah.
Hopefully that comes to the whole country.
I hope so too.
It'll put, yeah.
You know, it's because Norman used to be like a medical
bill collector.
That sucks.
And so like I was complaining to him about that stuff
and who like defended it.
I'd be like, yeah, well, you know,
I mean, if you have the money, you should pay your medical bills.
No.
No, you work for a company whose whole business,
the whole job is to just like herring people
that had a fucking accident.
Correct.
Yeah.
I think most people that don't have the money
don't have money because they're buried
in medical debt in this country.
Yeah.
And so that's the public service announcement.
From the Adam Friedland show, guys,
we're all gonna get fucking fake tits.
Yeah.
And I'm not paying Dr. 90210.
You can take that to the bank
what's like the what are kids doing
now like the beanie babies domain
isn't like a thing they collect
or is it all digital
hmm
was it nfts?
you know
no i don't know there's always a thing i feel like there was always a hogs
no we're not going to get all cards
bay blades was probably the last time on cards bay blades was probably the
last thing i was aware of and i was like what six years ago those are the
thing children were
i don't know some sort of like automated top thing and they they got like
into the youtube community of like adults that collect them
Really, yeah back way there's like fun coast don't back when I would still go online and try to find free communities before it became
A freak yourself. Yeah, yeah, I freak my freak on all these you fucking freak on all these. Yeah, is that album good?
No, no, no, no, why do you say stuff like that? Did you know we could get Jonathan Davis on the show? Well, I'm just not a big jazz fan.
You think that call for as a scattered?
Why?
Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I didn't literally. That's a skat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They did infuse jazz influences into the new metal genre.
And I apologize to Corn, you know.
I haven't listened in some time.
And I'm sure Corn listens to the show,
and I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
Yeah.
I didn't say, it's not worth being a,
being that kind of guy, you know.
A lot of people think that's what we are,
just meanies. We're not. Who thinks we're mean? Everyone thinks that we're just meanies,
that we're like, oh, we're bitches. Who thinks that? I think everyone. We are two men with hearts of gold.
You were the nicest person I've ever met my entire life. Mm-hmm.
And me?
But this thing where I just bought a homeless guy sandwich
because he's standing outside of Dunkin' Donuts
doing the thing where they like hold the door.
Oh, that thing.
And you're like, well, now I have to fucking buy you a sandwich.
Uh-huh.
Which I don't really mind doing.
It's like, can you just ask for a fucking sandwich?
Well, how many sandwiches is that getting in every day?
I don't know.
I think you're, it's probably one person.
I just don't like the door holding for me
because then it's like, then you're like,
and then people see it and then what?
Like, oh, like, this guy thinks he's the mayor.
Oh, I don't know we were in a door, man. Well, it's like what? Oh, this guy thinks he's the mayor. Oh, I don't know. We were in a dorm and like.
Right, it's like, it's, well, it's just like this.
You're it.
It's, I don't like the, yeah, just being treated like,
just ask for a sandwich.
You know what I mean?
There's one guy really don't like, and it's mean of me,
but he's a studutterer in my neighborhood,
and he makes you really wait till the end of the spiel.
And the first time he gets you,
and you're sitting there and he's like,
and, and, and, and, and, and,
and then you're like, okay.
But then the second and third time he stops you
to give you the spiel, you're like, I,
I, like, I just don't have,
I don't have patience for this figure.
My problem is in a lack of patience.
I just hate homeless people.
No, I don't hate homeless people.
I don't like, I don't, I don't like that.
I don't like that.
I give him a dollar.
I don't like the optics of a homeless person
holding a door for me.
I try to give him the dollar
at the beginning of the stuttering spiel
and then he's like, no, let me finish.
And it's just like, just take the fucking dollar.
Yeah. Right? Like, it's just like, just take the fucking dollar. Yeah.
Right? Like, it's just like, I've heard the...
But you don't have anything important going on.
What's I do?
Part of the human connection, I guess, that's part of it, too.
It's like, you know, you can give the guy a dollar,
let him speak, treat him like a person.
When the homeless guy holds the door for you,
he's already like creating some kind of social rift.
I'm your butler.
Right, exactly.
And you say thank you, Alfred.
No, I try to grab the door before they can.
Oh, so you try to wrestle the door with it?
Well, I'll take them out.
Because they won't do it.
They don't only do it if you, if they think you're going to do it.
Well, you have to do it.
I'll walk.
I'll start walking past and right as I get past the door,
I'll like swing in and get in there and then we fight over it.
We fight over the door.
I seem to like worthwhile.
Yeah, but if you get it before they do,
guess who's not getting a sandwich?
Mm-hmm.
So.
The hungry man.
Yeah, right.
The starving man.
Fucking homeless guy.
Yeah, yeah.
What I would do.
Nice try, pal.
My fake out move is that I would then work for him.
Mm-hmm.
I would treat him like my boss.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
Wait, wait next to him,
when the next lady's coming into Dunkin' Donuts
and say like,
part of me skip, like,
you mind if I get this one, you know?
What I'm gonna start doing is dress up
like a homeless person myself.
And get a spot across the street from the Dunkin' Donuts,
and get maybe like a 35 foot sort of hook.
And when I see people coming down the street,
like a shepherd, because I can see the whole street
where he can only see in front of the door.
I see somebody coming down the street,
I know they're going to Dunkin' Donuts before he does. I open the door before he can only see in front of the door. I see somebody coming down the street. I know they're going to knock it down this before he does.
I open the door before he can.
So they come by and then I,
there's a little pulley on there and there's like a...
with a hook and it says,
tip please and then the person comes out
and then they put the tip in there,
that homeless guy standing next to the door
and I go, and then I close the door.
So I can just steal his entire business
from across the street with my giant hook.
Mm-hmm.
And you make like probably $35,000 a year or doing that?
Probably. I remember the local news used to do that.
Yeah, like homeless man makes $200,000.
This man, $200,000.
Yeah, this homeless man is the richest man in the world.
Yeah, we want it went to see how much money they actually make.
That is one of the funniest categories of local news stories.
Yeah, the homeless guy makes too much money.
Digging into it.
He brought our camera crew to the middle of this intersection
that harasses a homeless guy.
Yeah, and the guy clearly is just saying
he makes that much money.
But his underpants are made out of newspaper.
Anti-pand handling laws have got to be like the funniest.
They're like, it's this whole system
where you have to make money to pay your rent.
Oh, this fucking bullshit, nobody wants to do.
And then if someone has the idea of just being like,
hey, can you just give me money?
They're like, no, you can't do that.
That's cheating. Yeah, you're not allowed to do that. No, yeah. Yeah, you can't just ask, you can't do that. That's cheating. Yeah, you're not allowed to do that.
No, yeah.
Yeah, you can't just ask, you can't do that.
Especially because if you're crazy,
you have to live outside.
That's the system in society.
Is that we make the crazy people go outside.
Right.
Like take it out, take it out on the streets.
Yeah.
And then once they're outside, then we tell them
that no one's, they're not allowed to ask for help from anyone. Yeah. And then once they're outside, then we tell them that no one's, they're
not allowed to ask for help from anyone. Yeah. It's quite mean. Mm-hmm. Which, you know,
it's like, I'm sure people are watching saying like, these are observations you make as a
fourth grader. Maybe even before that. Maybe even younger than that. Yeah. You understand
that society is unjust and unfair. And so you're an idiot for even pointing it out. Well, it's true. It's also, it is true. And it's still true. And
there's not a justification for it. Yeah. So we make people go outside. If you don't want
me saying, oh, you know, it's really fucked up, is homeless people are allowed that you
they're not even allowed in the bank.
If you think that, if you don't like me saying that,
well, then you need to buy yourself a gun and kill
either the president or the prime minister,
Israel's son.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I understand if you're in Florida,
you could probably kill him pretty easily.
I don't know.
What would that do for the homeless though?
Uh, well, you know, it's like, I don't really understand how
activism works, but Kyle Ritten now shot all those people.
And now he's a star.
Yeah.
Now he's at UTA.
I know, yeah, people like...
He's booking.
Yeah.
I think he's going out for Marvel now.
He could probably do comedy clothes.
Is he funny?
Should I email him and see if he'll open for me?
Just to see if that helps take it to health?
Written out?
Yeah, just have Kyle Written out.
He'll bring his guns out on stage and be like,
this one's an AK-47 with the red diggers.
Describe his guns and answer questions about all his weapons.
Yeah.
And then I can come out and be like, damn,
who remembers that 70s show?
Or what?
They never said what country FES was from.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, I don't, maybe that could help ticket sales.
I mean, the best I could come up with right now
is come back Vinnie to move tickets for me in Florida. I think that might be the move.
I think Redden House is probably a series of, yeah.
It's more a better gimmick booking.
It's a surprise guess.
So speaking of, I'll be the Columbus Funnybone next, uh...
In February, next month, Nick is going to be the Columbus Ohio Funborn.
I have to prepare a new hour of material for this tour,
and I have not done it. So, in the last hour of...
...podcasting is any indication of me thinking on the spot.
Oh, you're fine. It should be. It'll be great, guys.
He's one of the finest comedians in the world.
If you haven't checked it out, your the dragon is on YouTube on our channel,
which you're probably watching right now.
I always thought that,
I think I mentioned something the other one I found out
that so the year you're born in, the Chinese one.
Oh yeah.
No, you said it's in the office.
You didn't say it on the show.
Yeah, the year you're born is,
so if you're like your dog or you're the monkey or something,
comes around every 12 years.
I was under the impression as a non-Chinese
that that's like, oh, that's gotta be good luck.
It is, apparently it's not.
If it's your birth year, it's gonna be a bad year.
It's a bad, very bad luck.
And you have to wear red underwear.
This year is dragon.
Yes, and you're born in dragon.
No, born dragon.
So it's supposed to be a bad...
You're gonna die this year.
I don't know if I'm gonna die,
but it's a bad year for health.
I should be at my, like, your investments will do poorly,
your career will be sort of derailed.
And you have to, like, I don't know, a lot of bad stuff.
Well, it's been, it was funny, I was looking at it,
because, you know, you, people say, oh, libertarianism, that's like astrology for guys.
But no, Chinese astrology is astrology for guys.
It goes pretty hard.
It's pretty golf.
It's pretty awesome.
It's like, you need to move your couch
to the other side of the room now
or the fucking the God of Dragons.
Is this gonna slip?
It's gonna cut your penis off.
Yeah, right.
It's very specific, too.
Really? Yeah, all the bad shit. Are they, are they poly, right. It's very specific, too. Really?
Yeah, all the bad shit.
Are they polytheistic?
The Chinese, they're polytheistic.
They have different gods.
Well, that's astrology, so it's not like a religion.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Like astrology is in a religion.
When they say gods, they mean like planets.
Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Like Jupiter. When they say gods, they mean like planets.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Like Jupiter.
And I think regular, like white girl astrology, Jupiter is bad.
Mm-hmm.
Because they go to get more Jupiter.
Girls go to Jupiter to get more Jupiter.
Is that what it is?
Women are from Venus because they don't have a penis and a matter from Mars.
Because...
Yeah, fucking cars.
Just some of them are named Lars.
Lars, yeah.
Ulrich.
Drummer from the Metallica.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Like, boys got a Mars.
Get some pussy.
What is it?
Get more, what is it?
Cars.
Get more cars.
Candy bars.
I don't know.
Anyway, we're gonna figure that out,
and we're gonna stick on that story.
Is there a word for it like, you know, sharding, obviously?
But what if you like, like you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, Does that happen? I don't know if anyone tries to quee, I think it's the penis going in
and making a slight farting noise.
The air in the pussy.
No, there's quee thing that happens like just throughout.
Don't girls don't say like, oh, check this out.
Yeah, they do.
No, they don't.
Oh yeah.
Which girls are you, you know.
Yeah, they do.
Some of them, yeah, they can like use yoga moves
to suck in air and then fucking push it out
like a whoopee cushion.
They sound awesome.
Yeah.
I know the wrong women, I guess.
Yeah.
I guess if I had to pussy, I'd be doing that all day long.
That's probably what they're doing down there
in those tunnels.
That's what they're doing.
Yeah.
All right, guys, we'll be back next week.
Guys, check it out.
Next week, I'll be in Tampa if you're there.
Patreon.com slash T-A-I-F-S.
We love you. there. Patreon.com slash T-A-R-F-S. We love you.
See ya later folks.
All right.
What is guys on here?
Yeah, Shaqueef on Urban Dictionary.
Shaqueef?
Yeah.
you