The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Kurt Metzger - Episode 47
Episode Date: March 29, 2024The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Kurt Metzger - Episode 47 Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@a...damfriedlandshowclips Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Mar 21 — Mar 23: Raleigh, NC @ Goodnights Comedy Club Apr 11 — Apr 13: Portland, OR @ Helium Comedy Club Apr 18 — Apr 20: Tampa, FL @ Side Splitters May 16 — May 18: Philadelphia, PA @ Helium Comedy Club ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #comedy #podcast #kurtmetzger
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Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. Yes, today. Give it up for you.
Thank you.
How does look, because let me see this now, because you were the first person I know to
vape and you were vaping. They were vaping in the era.
You had to load your own fluid was R2D2 basically, you would walk around with the fucking the
whole setup. I actually liked it. They are vaping in the era of that. You had to load your own fluid. It was R2D2 basically.
You would walk around with the fucking whole setup.
I actually liked it.
Now everybody has disposable vapes
and you have found some kind of in-between
where it's a disposable vape
but still also like a fucking MP3 player.
You have two of them.
Yeah, cause that one just died.
Oh, all right.
Well, you recharge them.
You recharge them, but everybody has rechargeable vapes.
I've never seen one with like a...
It's called a Geek Bar?
Yeah, I'm glad you asked.
It's called Geek Bar.
It gives a display.
Is that like, oh, a Genius Bar, I guess, is Apple.
The Geek Squad is in best spot.
And does it tell you what, like, it's like a mood ring?
What information do you have on it?
There's a Tomodachi.
Your blood pressure?
It tells me my brain data.
Yeah.
Like that. Your T-cell count is 185. My cells are looking good. Keep vaping. Your blood pressure? It tells me my brain data. Yeah.
Your T cell count is 185.
My cells are looking good.
Keep vaping.
You know, if I have to take my Biktarvy or not,
it lets me know.
Which Biktarvy?
Is that an Iranian medicine?
No, that's an American.
You never heard of that?
No, it sounds like a Persian.
It sounds like nightclub medicine.
It's some fucking.
I have to take my Biktarvy before I try to get policy.
No, it's AIDS Prep and the commercial. It's always black. It looks like it's the name of the have to take my big target before I try to be no it's AIDS prep and the commercial
It's always black. It looks like it's the name of the guy that has AIDS on the commercial like a yeah
Whatever patients zero of AIDS the airline steward Biktar V that's better to rip. Oh, yeah
I forgot that story that guy was on glasses. Yeah, he's not this have you ever seen have you know that story the age patients zero story
It was like a gay flight attendant. They got pictures of them.
And all the pictures I've ever seen of them,
they make them look like the jackal.
Like, you know what I mean?
They look like the jackal.
Yeah, like he was like this kind of butt ascent.
Oh yeah, you can lean as far back as you want.
You can, those are $4,000 chairs.
I would like, oh, I'd like to support.
You know where these are from?
Where?
A courthouse in Alabama.
Really?
Yeah.
So just think about the guy sitting in here
giving the death penalty to radio.
That's what I was thinking of.
Yeah, basically.
Sentencing radio to death.
He was sitting in his luxurious luxury.
Radio Gooding Jr.
Yeah.
I mean, I understand the boy is simple,
but he is an Afro-cord.
You gotta split the difference there.
Maybe we can kill them with candy.
Maybe that's the Christian answer is to kill this.
That was one of my old, when I first got here,
jokes that I remember I had to drop to do Comedy Central
was because they're talking about executing people
who are mentally retarded.
And I was like, I think it's okay as long as it's done
in a retarded way.
You shoot them out of a cannon or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you sell it.
And now that word's made a big comeback.
So, I mean, you could say it.
It's crazy because it's like, I mean, Texas does that all the time.
It was funny because I remember as a kid, you learn about that.
And I don't think I ever had a joke, but when I was in New Comic, it was like,
you gotta write about this, dude.
There couldn't be anything funnier
than the idea of executing a mentally disabled man.
That's basically a perfect joke already.
The guy's saving his pie for after the execution.
Right, yeah, yeah.
That's what Clinton did, that guy, Ricky Ray Rector,
that had shot himself, so he made himself like eight.
And he was like a shitty criminal,
like he was a piece of shit,
but then he didn't know where the fuck he was. Yeah.
And Bill Clinton to be tough on crime, you know, before he was getting elected.
In Arkansas, you mean?
Yeah, and the guy, he had pecan pie, and they go, do you want it?
And he goes, no, just save it for after.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
I mean, in fairness, it's one of the probably the nicest things Bill Clinton's ever done
for anyone.
If you stack it up. I think the saxophone's ever done for anyone.
If you stack it up.
I think the saxophone was pretty nice for America.
No, it's a crime.
Why?
I didn't have anything back then.
I was just saying, up until I was probably 25,
when you hear about the state executing
mentally disabled people, I was imagining a suite.
What do you know to be a mentally
take a pet to the vet you have that carry all with the happy cats in the bus
these are like criminally disabled people like Batman the home for the
criminally disabled the Batman sites yeah Yeah, yeah, Arkham. Yeah. It's basically Arkham. It's basically Arkham.
Yeah.
They're all basically think they're clowns and stuff.
Right, yeah.
It's very strange to go in the...
So did you guys see Alabama?
I think this might...
Go ahead.
Comedian Alabama?
Yeah, no, Alabama, I guess, you know, they can't get the execution drugs anymore.
Uh-huh.
So they've been having to concoct new...
Just make them themselves they use that they use
nitrogen
which i think they were going to have been gas
like you have a quick coronary stress oxide was that sounds like they're
giving them the bends the yeah i got with uh...
and um...
it apparently go well
that sounds that sounds yet is the band's that's what happens you get
nitrogen bubbles in your blood yet But that's from like a depressurization.
Because I would imagine, because the atmosphere
is like something like fucking 70% nitrogen to begin with.
Isn't that, it's mostly nitrogen?
Yeah, so they, when I read it, I was like,
is this, like is this the Benz?
Are you carbonating these people again?
Yeah, yeah, right.
And so the guy, it's just like,
we just wanna do this juicy execution no matter what.
And damn it, there's got to be a way.
A firing squad seems to be the most humane.
And in Utah it's the only one where you can do that.
The injection fucks up all the time.
Yeah right and it's because they can't get the drugs and then also because of the Hippocratic
Oath doctors aren't like the ones administering it.
It's like some other disabled people.
Can China shoot you in the back?
How about having the humanity of China
just shoot a guy in the head?
Right, yeah.
But they don't, I think,
because isn't the firing squad,
they put one guy has a blank so nobody's,
One guy has a blank, but you have,
when you have fucking like 15,
like 30-odd whatever,
I'm terrified of using the wrong bullet words
because then you get the fucking gun guys
that are like, whoa, that's not a magazine,
whatever the fuck, you know.
Charlie from fucking, the guy that got the thing
with Sneaker when he was like, this is a clip.
Who's Sneaker?
What is Sneaker?
You know that fucking, the guy that fought,
he's Sneaker? Dude, it's hilarious. Luis J. Sneaker. Luis J. Sneaker what you know that fucking the guy that fought a He's sneaker. It's hilarious. Hey sneaker lose J. Sneaker Puerto Rican rattlesneak
Yes, and he fought who's that guy Sean Fitzgerald the UFC guy? I don't know this one's saying like
No, that's a was a big tall white guy, but I don't follow Fitzgerald fought Luis J. Gomez
It's the most embarrassing thing and I think the just kid got brain damage. Oh, from sparring?
The guy's just standing there, he's like, all right, all right.
And he goes, boo.
So Pete, is that picking up?
There's a new noise in here.
When we moved in to this place, it was like, great.
We sound treated it, no problem.
And now there's a machine shop next door.
And now all day long, it sounds like a cat
finding a place to shit.
Like this scratching noise that keeps coming.
I don't know.
Pete, can you hear that?
OK, all right, never mind.
Yeah, forget it.
I mean, you can't soundproof, but I just kind of hear it.
It's soundproof, as again.
We are in an office building.
Adam, what are these called again?
Cloud panels, your friend gave us.
So we have acoustic treatment, and then we have drapes,
and we have carpet, and then there's more acoustic treatment back facing the air conditioning units in the
alley behind. Oh my god last night I went to the cellar so I didn't see Mike Chang a long time he
was there. I guess does Rosebud and all them write on SNL? Yeah Rosebud does. So it must have been
SNL and there was another dude like I can't remember his name but I'm like the one in Thompson yeah
no it wasn't Keenan it was I don't know it was just like the writers and like so
dude I think I open it like hey I start talking about my favorite the P Diddy
right yeah it's great okay and Alex I do Alex speaking of radio just got added
to the case did you see that that? Kuper Gooding Jr.
Oh, I knew that was, I knew-
He's in the documents.
Yeah.
Dude, I've been blathering about-
We got him.
Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
We got him.
I've been blathering about the P. Diddy thing
for like two years.
I feel like this thing is kind of like,
it's like remember when the Catholic Church,
red stuff broke and it's because the Catholic Church,
you're not allowed to be gay.
And the same thing with the black community.
Like if you could just be a gay black guy, I mean, you
can kind of, I mean, you really, but you gotta be fucking like, uh, like a amazing technicolor
dream coat, RuPaul drag race style. You can't just be like a regular, you can't, there's
no Tim Dillon. It was like, like the card. Right. They got to keep, if you're a Tim Dillon
gay, you got to keep it secret. Exactly. Like Tim Like you can't use it. No, right, they gotta keep, if you're a Tim Dillon gay, you gotta keep it secret.
Exactly, right.
Like Tim did back when he was young.
That's the same thing with the Catholic church.
So now it's like you got all this repression
and that's what causes it, I guess.
That's why Omar was such a fascinating character
because they were like, oh, he's both homosexual and-
Did he improv making out with the dude?
Brandon, his boyfriend?
Yeah, I thought that's an improv scene.
They went, whoa, cause they really didn't know
he was gay until it happened.
Oh really?
He was just doing gay shit.
He brought that to the character.
He didn't know the camera's rolling, he did gay shit.
He goes, oh we're on?
They go, well yeah, what are you doing?
And he goes, improv.
Well wait, so. I'm an actor.
So, I'm bringing up that story, you know.
And everybody's like, what?
They all acted like, why would you even? Mm-hmm. and the one dude acts like well he was shitfaced but like well I mean
he taught about black stuff but that's okay I'm like you guys aren't all
talking about I guess they're young so maybe no it's like Elvis times to them
that P did when PD was big yeah but don't you have run the weekend up like
venue but you're not gonna have no jokes about that right? Yeah fucking bizarre, dude people
Since I got here what there's like a silencing thing happening with it. It's not I don't think it's to protect P
Diddy I just think it's a thing of like we just don't know anything and it's
Purpose it's gonna wait for more information again. It's one of those situations where the less I know the funnier it is
Yeah, oh no Oh no dude the situation
is not so what you were just talking about like they can't just be gay no
this is Roy Cohn blackmail gay yeah so compromised. Well that's what I mean that
would that but Roy Cohn is this a perfect example because Roy Cohn only
was able to do what he was because of like a dominant culture of homophobia.
Think about all the bad things that if you just let gay people be gay,
then in the 1950s and 60s the CIA, they have no blackmail.
Think about all the bad shit that happened. Well there's always kids.
Yeah. But I would have thought that too. See that's what I would think exactly.
But there's a ton of people running, remember when like CNN loved getting that dumb shit,
Richard Spencer, a very obviously gay man?
No, that's Richard Simmons.
No, Richard Spencer, the alt-right guy.
That's Richard Simmons.
No, they're not the same guy?
No.
Oh, okay.
I thought you guys were online and shit.
No, not anymore.
No, that stopped maybe six years ago.
So Richard Simmons and Richard Spencer are not the same guy.
No, they hold the same view, similar views.
But there's still all these Roy Cohn secretly gay people running around and you're like,
that's what I would have thought.
Oh, the 50s are over.
It's even more scumbag.
It's like, I don't want to cheat myself out of any possible thing I could get, even though
you're allowed to be gay.
Yeah.
If I think I could have some extra, like Asian extra credit or homework advantage in life
by not admitting it.
Yeah.
And they all work in government still and everywhere.
So you would think, like if you're in the closet now, I'm like, you're fucking, not
because you're hiding it from a woman, you're married too.
Right.
Yeah.
It's like, you are fucking sinister, dude.
If you've got to. Yeah. It's not gay though. It's dominance. It's like you are fucking sinister dude. If you've got a, Yeah.
It's not gay though, it's dominance.
It's enjoying being evil, I guess.
It's like having a secret.
The best quote is Chick Jaguar right,
I remember, cause in Lockdown.
Why don't you just get a swastika tattooed
in between your butt cheeks?
Like facing. Oh yeah.
You know what I mean?
Checkmate. So no one would know.
Yeah.
That would be a secret that you could have.
You know what would be cool,
you put the parts like far apart
and then you push the butt cheeks together.
Yes, like a fold in.
A fold in swastika on my butt cheeks.
What would it be spread out?
It's just like it has to begin with an S and end with an S.
The Chase logo, I don't know.
The Chase logo's a swastika?
Yeah.
Skittles.
Do you wanna look at it?
It does, it does kind of look like that.
They call it the Ockdown, but it's,
cause you know swastikas are not just, you know it's a brand in decline, sure, but it does kind of look like that. They call it the Ockdown, but it's, cause you know Swazika is a, not just a,
you know it's a brand in decline, sure,
but it's a very ancient popular symbol.
Yeah.
And they, we don't want to not use it,
so they, if you look up what it's supposed to be,
it's the Swazika.
It's supposed to be, yeah, nothing originally.
The guy they created the,
cause it was when Chase merged with Manhattan Bank,
they switched that logo in the 1960s, and.
Really? Yeah. Oh, I switched that logo in the 1960s. Really?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that part of it.
Yeah, it might have been originally the Manhattan Bank logo,
but I think it wasn't until Chase merged
with Manhattan Bank that they did it.
Well, everybody likes a nice Swazee,
but you gotta do it right like Chase,
where people don't really notice it.
Yeah.
And then it's, nobody thinks about, you know,
like Chase helping Haiti pay reparations for Walmart
With a swastika on their bank Walmart logo kind of looks like an anus is an asshole. I
Mean everything's a dick a pussy. That's true. Yeah, especially in the world of logos. Yeah. Yeah, it's subliminal, you know
What are people like swastikas?
Well besides that it's a great logo. No but
that's the thing. They did a hell of a job on that. I'd say get Dylan Mulvaney on this one.
Revitalize the brand. Let's get her on a can of swastika. Let's just put it yeah
that'd be awesome she got a Charles Manson swastika on her head. What's going on with
Dylan Mulvaney now? That's got to suck. You just get one free beer and then the entire world drinks you.
They paid her in one beer.
Chris Kid Rock joined Hamas over it at first.
Yeah, right.
America's butter dick.
Every time I say butter dick people get weird too, but I think that's a great term.
A butter dick?
What does it mean?
Oh, butter face.
Oh, butter face, butter dick.
Oh yeah.
Come on,, butter dick. Butter dick. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Come on, a butter dick?
Yeah.
But a butter dick is a guy with a gorgeous body,
but a horrendous penis.
No, it's a chick who's beautiful
except for her dick.
Her dick's too small.
Okay, of course, of course.
Yeah, I hate it when that happens.
Oh my God, I love supporting trans women
like over, like, you know,
shittier original version.
Regular women, women 1.0.
Because you know why?
Because it's because the fellas can do it best.
What's bitch 3.0 look like?
Is it C3PO with tits?
Yeah, I think so, okay.
A computer being a girl.
Because remember, it was a long time ago.
It'd be funny, it'd be funny if we let a breed of dog
become women, you know what I mean? if we let a breed of dog become women.
You know what I mean?
So like regular women.
Women have to race against them.
Women are losing jobs.
A greyhound.
They're like, just compete bitch.
I love it.
It's the same.
Women are losing jobs to a Bijan freeze.
As they should.
As they should.
I've said on Ryan's thing is I love that, you know, intersectional.
Trans women, Ryan Long.
You know, because trans women destroyed intersectional feminism and that's why I love them the most.
And you know, now I'm upset.
I'm like, listen whores, I'd be mad too if I had two fucking assholes, you know, and
one was in the front and it shits blood.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
There's better, easier to clean women out there.
Have you ever heard of a rectovaginal fistula?
Where it becomes one hole?
It becomes one hole.
I have heard of that, as a matter of fact.
And that's a problem some people have
is they keep shitting into their pussy.
You gotta dilate, you gotta dilate.
Yeah, well I think it's like you get,
the wall is perforated and then it becomes like a piercing
and then it just gets gauged out.
Do you know that's still cleaner than a regular woman's disgusting vagina?
Really?
I'm sorry to bring up science on here.
No, no, that's fine.
This is the process of center left breast line show.
But a woman plus that has that issue, that's probably much cleaner and more disease free
than a, I don't like to say biological woman, but what do you call a less good creature?
Yeah, just an inferior...
A bonus hole person. That is dirtier than a feces fill.
When I found out that women have to check the pH balance of their vagina...
It's like a pool.
Like you would a public pool.
A pool, yeah. They need a pool guy. Hopefully a segregated pool.
Yeah, I know who's been peeing in this thing. A pool, yeah. They need a pool guy. Hopefully a segregated pool.
Yeah, I don't know who's been peeing in this thing.
Hopefully a pool from the 1950s, if you know what I mean.
There's so much equipment I don't even know about. The one hole, the new hole.
Yeah, I'm trad now too.
We should figure out a way to move women's nasal cavity down there also, so it's mucus,
blood, and then feces.
We should figure out a way to make them into the original depiction of Deadpool where he
had no mouth.
I don't know anything about Deadpool.
You don't really know anything.
You know so much more than us, Kurt.
You know Sneeko, Deadpool.
Let me tell you the three biggest things going on.
You Generation Z bastards. You're talking circles around us.
Are you still online much?
He knows about all this stuff.
I take his shit like everyone else, don't I?
I think we became friends online before real life
and it was through Facebook.
Okay, no.
No, I featured for you.
It was a cap.
But you didn't remember that.
Then we became friends.
Can I tell the story?
Because maybe I'll explain. What's your first memory of Nick?
I'd love to hear it.
I featured for him and I had a sore the size of a dime on my neck.
Well, let me describe it.
So we were hanging out.
It was funny and shit.
We were hanging out in Austin.
You didn't remember that.
When we became friends in New York... I did not I didn't realize you
Yeah, so so you know hey, I got lots of features
But we I was assigned by the club because I had a car. That's the reason I can feature. Yeah, that's why
So yeah, we were like drinking some bar
He was making me fucking dial because we just stand in the corner and
Like oh, he's making fun of the people in the bar, right? Yeah funny shit
And then we go to get food and he goes, yeah, so
He goes, yeah, so I think I might have like syphilis. I'm just gonna like not get it tested
It's not that I wasn't gonna get tested. Here's the problem
I didn't have a doctor and so I had to go right after that weekend. I had to do a weekend in skyline
So I had this fucking sore that kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. What did it end up being?
I think it was like folliculitis or something. Folliculitis. I had that. Yeah something like that
Ingrown. After I met you. It was an ingrown hair that basically got like really bad. It's staph infection gets in you. Yeah
And so I had to go to like it kept getting worse and worse and then that weekend I'm like I don't know what to do and it might have
been I had to go to do skyline the weekend after and so I went to a Planned
Parenthood because it's like that's where you go if you have something wrong with
you if you're a girl or if you're a man they tell you to fuck off so I sat there
in the waiting room and I'm like really worried about like what this thing is
going on I fill out this form the lady behind like the
like bulletproof glass they have there for whatever reason.
Then she said I'm across the room and she goes Nick and I was like, yeah, she's like, okay, so you got symptoms?
You're supposed to scream in the lobby. Yeah, and I'm like
Yeah, and then she goes well you gonna have to go see a doctor then, because we can't.
If you got symptoms, then we can't do nothing for you.
And I'm like, you're going to have to make an appointment
to see an actual doctor.
Well, you can imagine if that happened now,
they would fucking make your penis into a vagina for you.
So then I stopped this.
And I go up, I'm like, OK.
Because you can just go in and get tested.
But if you have symptoms that a physician at the Planned
Parenthood needs to see, I guess, then you would have to make an appointment.
So I'm like, well, I got to fly out of town on Thursday.
And they were like, well, we don't have an appointment until Friday or Monday at the
earliest.
So I had to go to Skyline, and I did the weekend at Skyline, and things were getting worse
and worse the entire time.
I asked my mom what to do.
She told me to put oil of oregano on it.
So I'm sitting in the bathroom, putting like pizza toppings on this fucking room.
Crying because it's excruciating. Yeah. And then I probably I just like bombed all weekend.
That's your daycare? Yeah. And I couldn't get a flight back. The cheapest flight back was like
on a Tuesday. So I had to stay in the comedy condo. Like the guy that owns the place, I forget
his name. He let me stay in the comedy condo, like the guy that owns the place, I forget his name.
He let me stay in the comedy condo.
Dennis Miller's brother, I think, owned it.
No, no, no, that was who owned Cap City.
I'm talking Skyline, Skyline in Appleton, Wisconsin.
I'm glad to be in Wisconsin.
Yeah, and then, yeah, two days in that room,
crying, putting oil of oregano in this wound,
just watching Iron Giant in bed.
This is before I met you or after?
That was that weekend. The next weekend, yeah. Because it was a weekend. So Because it was a weekend. I featured for you and then the weekend after that was when I
went to Skyline but then eventually it went away and then I mean I got tested
after that and it's no syphilis or anything but yeah I had another doctor
say like yeah you have like basically the problem is I don't clean myself. You were more obese then. I got a nasty view.
It was like how a dog gets hot spots.
I kept chewing on my penis in the same area.
So he's telling me this thing,
and I was like,
I don't know how much older I am,
but I was like,
just trust me, get the test.
Because I went through that whole thing of like,
I can't, I remember a while ago, my ex's like, oh, I know I have a by the way. You don't have it. I
And I went I went I asked my ex to go with me one of my exes and and to like I was that freaked out
Uh-huh, and and she meanwhile knows she doesn't have fucking AIDS
So it was not a good idea cuz she's all cheerful in the elevator
Yeah
The clinic and uh, and she's she was fucking singing Madonna songs in the elevator as we're going up to the age
No, but I was just like it's not there's like other people and like, you know, some of these people probably got AIDS of these songs
You're singing. Yeah, right
Pick the most it's kind of the sound
Nightclub shooting that guy probably saved somebody from getting AIDS that night
Granted they're dead because he shot them but oh yeah about it
You know somebody could have been on their way. Yes, who just a brutal
Club shooting was it turns out wasn't some gay fucking thing. It was somebody mad about Syria and he was gonna go on
No, it's going back and forth. No, no He was gay like an argument gay gay community Fucking thing it was somebody mad about Syria and he was gonna go on
Remember Matthew Shepard, yeah gay drug dealer. Okay, so the guy that killed him used to fuck him really
There's a little book about it And and and I remember telling people friends that were at the time, when it came out and they were like, no, because he became like a Jesus, but basically before Breaking
Bad made meth cool, Wyoming had a big fucking meth problem. So that guy, I never did meth,
but apparently they just fuck like whatever when you're on meth. And it was over like
stealing money and drugs from Matthew Shepard. And not because he was gay, because that guy
used to fuck him.
Yeah.
And Wyoming didn't want that getting around about, you know, now...
They just, again, people are in the wrong time.
A few years later, Breaking Bad comes out.
Much like the Dini situation.
Tourism's up. Blue Meth.
Yeah.
Is it Breaking Bad or you meant Brokeback Mountain?
Well, that was out, Brokeback Mountain.
Well, Meth was Breaking Bad.
No, maybe it wasn't.
It wasn't out.
Yeah, that came out in the early 2000s, I think, right? Brokeback Mountain. Well, meth was Brokeback Mountain. No, maybe it wasn't. It wasn't out. Yeah, that came out in the early 2000s, I think, right?
Brokeback Mountain.
Broking bad, I say combine them.
Matthew Shepard, I could be confused
because I confused Matthew Shepard.
The guy they found on the fence
and then my favorite Laramie project where-
Brandon Tina from Boy's Oak Crop.
No, that's way, that's-
That was early, that was 93 or 94.
Yeah, that was like that old joke about like,
I'm eating all this buttery corn.
Like, you turn off the lights and- You know that was like that old joke about like, I'm eating all this buttery corn.
Like, you turn off the lights and...
You know what I think the problem was is like,
and now like, you know, the community is different,
but if you're trans and your name is Tina Brandon,
don't change it to Brandon Tina.
That seems like it's like you're asking for trouble there.
Why?
Well, don't just switch the two.
But didn't nobody know that, like it wasn't like-
Change your name to John Carlyle.
You know?
Yeah, right.
Instead of like, oh, well there's still,
you know what I mean?
I feel like I would be sneakier about it.
Well, not even sneakier.
You can choose any name you want.
You can choose any name you want.
Dolph Lundgren can be your new name.
It kind of always felt to me like a self-pun.
Dolph is short for Adolf, right?
I guess you want to go by Dolph.
He's bringing it back.
He's bringing it back.
Not a lot of...
Just a way to soften the blow.
You could call that a hard A, I guess.
You're going by Adolf instead of Dolph.
That's why everyone's always wondered,
what is a hard A?
In the community, they say Dolph. That's what everyone's always wondered, what is a hard A? Yeah, in the community they say Dolph.
Adolf, is that you?
Mother, Dolph.
I forgot what we were talking about.
Oh, his support.
So.
When you thought you had AIDS.
You thought you had AIDS when you were taking it.
Yeah, so then.
I'll sing Madonna, it's a flashback. I just joke like joke off
It is very funny to take an elevator to find out you have a what it is looking back now
It is at the time. It's if it's Willy Wonka operating
Yeah, like, you know again, I was scared out of my fucking mind because I merely had normal sex the way God intended
And I get up and it was the quick, it wasn't the ruin your weekend tech.
It was the swab.
Not fucking Carlos the jackal in the back of it.
I mean, come on.
I didn't do nothing wrong.
So we get up there and I'm waiting for my test and then at the end, and this is how
long ago it was like with your test results, they give you a free $4 Metro card.
That's awesome. And so I joke is like, if you don't have AIDS, it's pretty awesome. Yeah, you get a free metro card all the time.
Yeah, yeah, this day is getting better and better.
No swab. The blood test takes a couple days.
But that's not if you got AIDS from sucking dick, is the mouth swab works. I didn't get a mouth test.
I just figured to keep the bottom clean and the mouth or whatever. Anyway he told me a
civil and I was I remember like years going by after he's where he's telling
me he's you know I'm just gonna get checked I was like what am I gonna do if he got
checked I hope he did. I just remember that and then I started reading these
Nicole Mullen articles so So around whenever the social justice movement was starting,
I would see these people who were furious at this woman,
Nicole Mullen, for being so ignorant.
The internet used to be a better place.
It used to be kind of difficult to get people riled up.
And now that's the default. And that's why I'm not online anymore, it's just not fun.
You don't understand the wall. People used to be so naive.
Do you understand the Berlin Wall's falling right now? And it's really only because on X you can do
whatever the fuck you want to within, you know. Actually I got a guy on Letterboxd
recently. I have a review for Barbie that said something about like,
instead of making a billion dollars,
we could have used this money to send Barbies to Africa.
That's like some-
What color Barbie is?
I don't know, but some guy from C was like,
oh yeah, that's what they need, not food,
you fucking moron.
And I'm like, it's like the old-
That's fantastic.
It's like the old internet.
It's real good.
That's because of, well, I'm not with these Elon Musk guys,
but that's, I'm on there talking shit to whoever I want
with like the old days.
Yeah, people have rediscovered,
I did an album of prank calls about 10 years ago.
Oh, they were great, the old man.
The old man.
And I wanna get back in it now,
I feel like there's a whole new world,
cause Gen Z doesn't know anything about the phone.
They don't know what a phone is.
There's not a single Gen Z prank call.
But they got jobs where they got to answer phones
And guess who's got fingers and dial
So yeah, it's all all like I'm about to call some 23 year olds and get and make them have a really rough day work
That's yeah, that's it's not a time. They learned one. I've got a bucket of diarrhea
I'm trying to mail off do I need to put a top on it?
Or can you do that there?
I
Just like it down. You can't stop me. I like telling her is on the way
You breaking me. It's for a test. It's for a DNA test
It's to find out if I'm Irish. I
Like tell 23 year olds in the audience that they're going, you know, bring back the draft.
It's like I was asked who's like young, you know, because we're bringing back the draft.
So you're not gonna gay your way out.
You're clearing your way out of this one.
That was Millennials though.
Now Gen Z.
What does the Gen Z Army look like?
We're not Yankevich?
We gotta hope we have enough mass migration to cover these fat queers because they are not gonna...
In a land war?
Against hoofies and shit?
I don't see it.
But they're gonna go anyway.
And then we'll pay for your tits or whatever you want.
We'll pay for a drill, a vagina.
I still think that's millennial stuff.
I think Gen Z is now post all of that.
I think they're all just, it's kind of,
they're all just sort of a weird,
weird Al Yankovic type of wigger.
They're alone.
And specific to their generation. That's a sexuality weird Al Yankovic. Yeah and I think so. I think
that's what it is. And they say Riz and Cuh. And I don't know what either of them is.
Cuh? Like cousin I think. I think. Okay. What? Cuh. Cuh. They say Cuh? No. They do.
Well cuz you know. They do wigger, they say wigger words.
That makes me happy. That makes me happy. They're like, how's it going, Ka? This guy's
rizzed up and you're like... Well that, I know that. Yeah. Charisma. Yeah. And I know,
you know, I like how black kids have gotten around, you know, remember so the don't say
gay bill that they told about in Florida?
Do you remember years before that, there were commercials,
Don't Say Gay, with Wanda Sykes to stop calling things gay
you don't like?
There used to be a thing like, don't say gay.
Well, what they say is zesty.
So I would be watching all kinds of-
Wanda Sykes did a Don't Say Gay commercial?
But way before Ron-
Like, who is that?
What starting quarterback at a high school
was like, oh, now Wanda Sykes isn't gonna think I'm cool?
It was, it was.
Oh, I lost Wanda Sykes?
I doubt any of them saw it,
but there were these commercials on TV that were like,
someone goes, hey man, that's gay.
And then she's like, don't say gay.
Uh-huh.
Like, and then years later, it's like some bill because you know.
The hell did you just say?
They're like, can we have this butt plug book
in the library?
Like your kids can't read, don't worry, any of you.
Your kids, they can't figure out.
Is that a children's book, Good Night Butt Plug?
They're hilarious children's books.
The whole thing's great because.
Sea Spot Bottom.
Yeah, like they, okay, the books are like gay pornography
or whatever, but who cares,
because none of the kids will ever see them.
Who the fuck, a library is for homeless to jerk off in,
probably even in a school at this point.
Yeah.
Just watching-
Now they have things now, at least in the city,
they have those link NYC, they got rid of all the phones
and created like homeless guy- Yeah, guy yeah like jerk off home deposit yeah
those things that they got rid of the phone booths with those like like you
know there's a I mean anything could be a there's a huge market for if I were if
I ran this if I was both the mayor and also a businessman I would have machines
all around the city in a high traffic homeless areas that display pornography
And also have a thing that sucks your dick and you put they can fuck it a ps6. Yeah
And after that there's no use for women yeah, which is ironic cuz all those articles do we need men bitch no
Come and then you just sell it
and then, cause it's like, first of all,
I think the whole idea is like,
there's this whole world of selling cum
and it's like, you gotta be,
to get to sell your cum to the companies,
they're like, oh, you gotta be 6'3",
and a college student,
and go to Harvard. And not vaccinated.
My cum's worthless.
Because you got vaccinated.
You don't, if you, hey, anybody out there that's selling sperm,
guess what?
All these well-to-do, get vaccinated bitches
that froze their eggs.
They don't want vaccinated sperm.
I didn't get vaccinated.
They don't.
But I was intravenously injecting cum
throughout the pandemic.
So I don't think- Oh, I think you're fine.
I think you're fine.
I think I am, that might be fine.
Yeah.
But the, there's no way to check, right?
Like imagine you buy cum and you put cum and you put it in your wife.
And then nine months later she has a kid.
It's not like you're going to have a homeless baby.
It'll take fucking 23 years before the bipolar disorder manifests.
What are they going to do?
Ask for a refund?
It's a bejeanous idea.
Wait, so you're saying that like-
There's no overhead.
They have to buy the cum? ask for a refund, you know, like it's a bejeaness idea.
It's zero, no overhead.
You get the cum for free from homeless people,
and then you sell it to men or women
with husbands that are shooting guns.
Okay, I saved this because it's so funny.
It was a thing about, it's Gale King reporting,
I wanna see if I can find it, but there's a short.
Let me ask you this, when lesbian couples
decide to have a kid, do they both get injected with cum
and then like it's like let the best man win sort of thing?
Oh, I hadn't even considered that.
No, one of them's the fuck it.
I think that's the way to do what you just said,
but that's not how they, you know,
they don't do it that way.
I don't know that.
I don't know anything.
I think that they, I don't even know who sneak oh is I I think that lesbians
Have a knife fight and the loser has to be in separate. I'm not fine. Yes like Arab sword
Lesbians do like a yeah like a look to this day to this day. I mean remember can't against me
I push I'm sure you know that at least well
She was can't forget she's talking about how she was hitting on a woman and then the woman's boyfriend came up and said well I guess I can beat you up then
because you look like a dude remember her amazing and I'm very funny and I was
like you know that guy you're hitting on his girlfriend okay to try to take her
home and do God knows what with her right no I still don't know. Yeah, what may help there's nothing they do God knows what?
And you're dressed like you know, you shop at a store in the mall called the patriarchy
So maybe brought on yourself bitch, right? That's the kind of should I say an X now? Yeah. Thank you
You on musk Hannah Gatsby always felt like a like a missing clue character to me, right?
Hannah Gatsby always felt like a missing clue character to me. Right.
Yeah.
Because her face looks like, did I do it?
Yeah.
Like Loretta Lavender.
Dude, when you were doing her, it was like alt right Hannah Gatsby.
She's like, I was talking to Rangouine yesterday.
Oh, fuck, I can't find this Gale King. It's a concern, Gale King.
And it's women of color that want to, you know, that got
their eggs frozen like a white lady.
They're having a hard time finding black eye sperm.
So they can't have a baby.
This is my business idea.
Wait, wait.
So they can't find a baby who looks like them.
Which, like, if it wasn't black eye sperm, the baby still
looks like you, bitch. I it wasn't black eye sperm, the baby still looks
like you bitch.
I mean a little lighter than you.
But the reason is, and I don't know, my girlfriend pointed out, she says, oh because all these
black guys have felonies and they won't take their sperm.
That's why.
And so just the articles, this is a well to do, like oh I want to create a child in the
most vile and natural Nazi-esque way possible in a lab.
You know what would be a fun business is you say,
fuck that, right?
So you go into the prisons, you say,
okay, these guys will pay them,
because there's a market for it, right?
We'll pay them for their sperm, right?
These black guys in prison.
How much does it cost?
And we'll pay them for their sperm, right?
But then instead of selling it to women,
you sell it to white guys accused of sexual assault.
And then you can plant the evidence and then put it on somebody else.
Frisbaugh, that's a great idea.
It's a great idea.
Cut this part out of the show because don't spoil that.
Don't let anybody take that, right?
This is like when I came up with a computer currency to purchase child pornography with
in 2008.
It is true.
A year later, and a year later I got arrested for buying child pornography with in 2008. A year later, and a year later I got arrested
for buying child pornography with cash.
Oh, and later it was called Bitcoin.
I never put it together, yeah.
I guess the idea did come out.
And that's how Dogecoin was born.
You got a lot of crypto?
Me?
How you guys doing with crypto? I don't have any. Let's just say... I'm not good at money. Let's just say... no. Let's just say I had that little problem day trading and I took a fucking big bath years ago and now I've got the...
Well, I have just got in,
I put all of, everything I had into,
it's amazing, it's a crypto,
it's like a phone game.
Now's the time to do it too,
top of the...
Yeah, it's an NFT.
Look at the chart, it's never been more expensive.
Not only is it NFT, it's like you hatch these animals,
it's a Logan Paul. Like Tamagotchi. Logan Paul Tamagotchi.
I know you guys don't know who people are, but Logan Paul.
Yeah, no, no. I don't think they're friends.
Sneakos enemy. I wouldn't comment on that. I steer clear of it like it's
Israel-Palestine talk. How about this, here's a challenge to Logan Paul. I know he fights people or is that, what's his name?
He does, yeah, he does like WWE and fighting. Okay, challenge for me on the Adam Friedland show, pistols at dawn.
Yeah, gun fight. Yeah, no, I mean it. That should come back. If you can, because obviously I'm not going to be able to beat your ass.
But I can point a gun at you and point a trigger.
We do it by a tree, like Barry Lyndon. I don't get why any of these people fucking
think I give a shit if they can box like an influencer.
I don't understand like there'll be like a battle
of the whatevers and it's like people that don't fight
for a living going to fight.
Yeah.
It's like Dancing with the Stars I guess.
It's big business these days.
It's very popular.
It would be more entertaining if it wasn't the influencers that are jacked who take karate
classes.
Oh, it's fat ones and shit.
I know.
If it was Adam and Ethan Klein, just slap fighting jacks.
It's been people like that.
It's just their fights are bad.
The fights are bad, I guess.
I don't watch them.
I will.
I'll just say this right now.
I will fight any female influencer out there.
Call her daddy, I will see you in the ring, in the octagon.
I mean, look.
I'm talking about weight class.
You should go, I'm a woman, you're a woman.
Let's fucking woman to woman do this.
No, I'm saying this, as a man, I will fight any woman.
You can't sneak into their sports that way.
I would do a different kind of thing.
Like if we could create some kind of pyramid, right,
with steps, like one of the South American pyramids,
an Egyptian smooth one.
And I'm at the top, and every Asian influencer
has to try and remove me from the top.
But I have an advantage, because I'm already,
I start at the top so I can kick them in the face
once they kind of climb up.
It sounds like South Korea.
And it's, yeah, it's basically,
it's a king of the hill situation.
Your Samsung. Yeah, right. South Korea. It's the king of the castle. Yeah, it's basically the king of the hill situation. You're Samsung.
Yeah, right.
Dude, South Korea, I don't know if you know,
is just North Korea with lights.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, like if you're in a South Korea.
But Wi-Fi connected.
And Wi-Fi.
Very fast Wi-Fi.
It's a better spot.
If you're a South Korean.
And Rickshaw change the color pink.
And they make them, yeah.
You have to get a job with Samsung,
you get nothing there.
Like everybody has to worship Samsung.
Yeah, or a pop star. Yeah, if you're nothing there. Like everybody has to worship Samsung. Yeah.
Or pop star.
Yeah, if you're in a boy band in North Korea,
that's like being in South Korea,
that's like being in a North Korean prison camp.
You're starving.
Oh my God, yeah.
You're owned by guards hitting you.
Yeah.
Pretty much the same.
Yeah, there's like a corporation that owns you.
You mess up, you get eaten by pigs.
Yeah.
All the above.
But like a Korean version of Tim Dillon, that's what I mean. Yeah, all the above. But like a Korean version of Tim Dillon.
That's what I mean.
He just gets, just, just devastated by it.
He's like, he's like Woo's Pigs.
Right, yeah.
What's Woo's?
From Deadwood.
From Deadwood.
Any time they'd kill someone, they'd feed them Chinese guy's pigs.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't watch Deadwood.
Deadwood's great.
Great joke. He'd love it. There's a character whose name is the N-word.
Yeah, Jay used to love it now I know why. Big Jay was like, he's good buddy.
He's like yeah, I can really understand the script. There's a guy with the N-word as his name. Yeah, because I've been on his.
That's a character. This evening's perambulations.
I've only consumed that in Huckleberry Finn. Yeah. It is a very interesting idea for a show.
It's unique in any piece of media
is that they just created a fictional way of talking
that didn't exist for that show.
That's not how people talk back then.
No, not even close.
No, it was not period accurate.
They made it up.
The whole dialect of the show is all made up,
like similar to Avatar.
Yeah.
Hold on, I don't know if you know,
but there's a guy who's half gay, half clown named Ian.
Oh, Ian.
Texting me?
Yeah, yeah.
Ian's banned from the Adam Friedland show.
Yeah. Why?
Lifetime banned.
We're just tired of him.
Yeah, it's over.
Well, I really liked the guy, but you know.
Well, that's you, and it's not us.
Oh.
Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, he goes, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha just to see the look on their face. They realize how bad they fucked up.
Now you got the gay club.
Because me and Dunnigan are doing Pussy's Live
and Mother Shit, that's one of the bits.
Oh, really?
Because we're against Job Hogan and his friends.
I like to be like that.
So he goes, so he goes.
Job Hogan would be a cool name for a Texas guy.
He should have changed his name to that.
Maybe he will after the show.
Just a biblical fucking pig hunter.
So he goes, he tells me about how he was doing poppers one time, which I've never tried,
and he had like a butt plug in his ass.
For safety?
Maybe, but he did like a bunch of them and he said like the thing just fell out of his
ass.
It loosens your ass.
He goes way because poppers, they fuck you up like really. He was talking about this
night of poppers. So I'm rolling a joint while he's talking. He's doing a lot about poppers
and whatever. I'm like, hey, you want to hit this? He goes, no, I don't touch that.
Oh, you're sober. I'm like, I just told you something. Oh, you're sober, I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was, here you go, here's a prank call.
You call up a shop as an old man,
and you say like, I've been diagnosed with incontinence,
and I was told that I need to purchase
some sort of anal plug to prevent, you know,
so it's an old man, and then ask, you know,
and then you kind kinda go from there.
Yeah, yeah.
You want more of a MaxiPad than a plug.
He's not a tampon situation.
No, but you have to call a sex store.
He wants a plug, yeah, yeah.
He's calling around.
And he has to ask about the inches.
You call CVS.
Yeah, yeah.
You call CVS as an old man and saying,
I've been diagnosed with incontinence
and I need an anal plug.
I have a prescription for a plug.
Do you fill plug prescriptions?
Right. Right, right. Is there a prescription? I'm. Do you fill plug prescriptions?
I'm looking at some online this one here. No, it's a special one that I was told you could. These men all look much younger than me I hope they're okay
They're too young to be diagnosed with such an affliction to need a nine inch diameter butt plug.
Dude, the gym I go to, but I was in West Hollywood,
you know, but I'm not a member.
But you just hang out there.
Yeah, no, there's like 20 jokes to before,
but like don't ruin them.
So I know there's many of them,
but I don't really do play.
Let's hear it.
So, you know, cause there's all these like Tiktok girls,
there was an epidemic. I think it's died down now
of they would go to a gym and the disguise looking at me.
But that's not a problem, my gym,
cause it is a West Hollywood gym full of dudes.
It's all looks.
Yeah, and I go in and there's two urinals, right?
The one's like one of those low ones,
like for kids, I guess, but it's just low.
So I use that one.
I thought that was if your dick was really big. That's what I always yeah well
So I'm standing there and like you know how sometimes like hard to pee if like like a bunch of guys around you
There's all these guys around me just jerking off from like
And I when I look down I realize I'm peeing
And when I look down, I realize I'm peeing not in the thing.
I'm peeing on the top of the urinal because I'm that much taller than it.
And I wasn't looking at my urinal.
So pee's just going down there.
I'm like, oh, God damn it.
You know how many times in my life
I've just pissed all over my shirt at a urinal?
How many?
Well, probably like seven.
Ah, you got me peed.
Oh, okay.
Especially when I was younger, I'd wear big ass shirts.
I'd wear like a big tall tee.
Like a little sweet pea from Popeye?
Yeah.
With sweet pea?
And then I'd be standing at the urinal
and pull my pants down and not lift my shirt up.
And then I'd be like, oh wow, finally not splashing
all over my legs.
And I'd look down and I'm just soaking wet.
What's the guy's name from Seventh Heaven
who turned to be a pedo?
Steven Collins.
Steven Collins, real quick.
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Which takes me forever too.
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That you have a thing that doesn't.
Oh, I do with my teeth, typically.
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Okay, we're almost done.
Oh, we are?
Yeah, we got, yeah, we're just,
we're doing like maybe 12 more minutes on this.
12 more minutes?
On this bad boy.
You know, I had an eight.
So what's the problem?
You gotta rush to go do me in this podcast?
No, no, no, no, no, I just gotta pee,
but I might be just like do it next time,
cause it's, I gotta do, be at 5.30,
I gotta be at Gutfeld.
Oh, okay.
So to go to, you know, people live in Brooklyn. Yeah.30, I got to be at Gutfeld. Oh, OK. So to go to Brooklyn.
People live in Brooklyn.
Yeah.
Like, I forgot how annoying it is to just get anywhere here.
Ian's in a weird spot of Williamsburg, too.
He's surrounded by parking lots.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's on, like, Leonard.
I'll tell you what I don't miss at all is that bullshit
of getting around here.
I don't miss.
But you lived in the worst place possible. Yeah, you lived in Washington Heights. That's the last place I lived. I don't miss... But you lived in the worst place. Yeah, you lived
in Washington Heights. Well, that's the last place I lived. I lived on South Fifth. I lived
everywhere except Staten Island. I lived every part. Every borough. Every borough, yeah.
South Fifth? What do you mean? Williamsburg. Oh, okay. That's like Hasid zone, no? No,
that was like the... South Fifth is like near the Hasids. Well, yeah, of course. Yeah. I
mean, everything is... This is now the New York talk. Well, yeah, of course. I mean, everything is...
This is now the New York talk.
Yeah, yeah.
What's the best...
This is before they had those tunnels
you could get out of them.
You know they have to fuck through a hole in the ground
as well as a hole in the sheet?
Really?
Really?
I thought it was a porky situation to get to the mikveh.
It would be cool if we do the movie Kingpin, you know?
But the bowler is a Hasidic Jew instead of an Amish guy.
And then part of the montage scene
where Woody Harrelson is pretending to be Amish
to ingratiate himself to the family,
he accidentally takes a dump through a sheet
into a woman's pussy.
Yeah.
And he's like, oh shit, I'm sorry.
I'm writing these ideas.
I thought it was.
You're gonna forget these ideas, they're all winners.
It's called Kingpin 2,
accidentally shitting in a Jewish lady's pussy.
Oh my bad, I didn't realize that was not the,
hey I'm just a brother, what's going on brother?
Hey Bolin, we're gonna make you champion.
What's going on brother, money?
How you doing?
Brother five-ish?
Yeah.
How you doing? Brother Favish?
Yeah.
I got...
Brother Favish, you got it.
Woo!
Dude, have you seen Rabbi Shmuley?
Oh yeah, he's been popping off recently.
Do you see his costume for Purim?
Yeah, Alex Jones was gonna have him on after I did it.
He was showing me the picture.
And the stereotypes he came up with
are not ones I've ever heard of.
That your nose is a penis?
Yeah, and that they, yeah.
Yeah, that was really scary.
And a Jewish money shirt.
I've never heard of them having a money shirt.
They would have pennies.
Not that shirt made out of dollars.
Yeah.
I've heard that before.
A shirt made out of dollars?
Like why would they waste,
why would you waste good money on a dollar shirt
when you would put it away? perhaps bury it in the tunnels by the
mikvah. If you use less money than a shirt costs then it's a good deal.
Yeah well he fucking helps his daughter run a kosher dildo business. No. That'd be
who to call. What do you just take regular dildos and pickle them? It doesn't sound kosher
I'll tell you that. You and your daughter sound sex Brian. Yeah, that was pretty good. That was pretty good
That was pretty good. I got a real crisp crunch
That's a crossing dildo. I like a half. Oh, you want a nice dildo?
Like a half hard
Vlasic pelicans taking his beak in a little response?
Yeah, it's a Jewish bird.
That's quite a fish.
Smell like fish.
Wow, that's quite a schmear.
So fucking a...
Rabbi, because I was always doing this Michael Jackson joke about
Rabbi Shmuley wrote a book about hanging out with him at Oprah.
It sounds like an old joke, a Rabbi, Oprah, and Michael Jackson joke about a rabbi Shmooley wrote a book about hanging out with him at Oprah it sounds like an old joke a rabbi Oprah and Michael Jack yeah
yeah I always thought his name was funny because it sounds like a any symmetric
slur yeah I got a rabbi Shmooley over here yeah it was just his name you gotta
be you gotta be in a bad position as a race if like your your slurs are just
the names you're giving people well I mean also if you're not you're not a
race your religion but sometimes people say you are because either they're the names you're giving people. You know what I mean? I mean also if you're not a race,
you're a religion, but sometimes people say you are
because either they're racist or you're racist about someone.
Like, it's a very strange.
I think they were a race until they came to America
and became white.
I think I might not be racist anymore
just because I'm bored of it.
We need new races for me to.
And James Cameron's doing that work, by the way.
It's too popular.
Of making new races?
Yeah, basically. The Navi.
People don't understand how much of a genius he is.
He's making these shitty movies that cost all this money.
And people are like, why is he doing this?
In 50 years, there will be no racism.
People will be like, look at these blue f*****s.
That'll be it.
People will just hate him.
Because Avatar 10 is coming out.
The GDP, the f*****g amount of money that that franchise will make will match
Do you remember when I'm just before the Titanic tour submarine because that he was on the news because he's like mr.
Titanic and yeah, right and um he gave an interview just before that happened about how a
Testosterone is poison you know because he's old yeah,. And it's funny cause like all his fascination
with like submarines of Titanic.
That's why we said that guy wouldn't hire 50 year old
white guys in military experience to drive the submarine
because who the fuck gives a shit about Titanic
or fucking submarines?
Well, low T guy.
Like James Cameron used to make awesome shit.
Yeah, Terminator.
Yeah, he's like, he just,
I used to think about pussy and Terminators all day,
but now I realize that testosterone
was blocking out important shit about Titanic and submarines.
But to me, that's like low T James Cameron we're in now.
Not that he's not a genius, though,
but he just cares about the only thing I penetrate
is the deep, deep ocean to look at Titanic. And not Buzzy.
Have you seen that?
I think the ocean's cool.
It's like space, but the opposite.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's like thick.
And the deeper you go, the more alien the fish look like.
They look like bugs and shit.
Yeah, there's some of the, like there's types of octopus that don't die.
Like they don't have, like their cells just replicate perfectly.
Yeah.
Is this an anti-semitic thing?
Yes. Yeah. That's what the tunnels before is get back down
The international octopus that never dies is that was the Jews are trying to get down to the Titanic
Do you think of Hitler had accomplished his goal? Let's go. Let's hear that nice Berg families behind this
I'm dead that they would have checked it some of them to keep in zoos
Like do you think like Nazi Germany would have been like, oh.
Hitler's goal of what, protecting the German people?
Yeah, right.
From the, oh, from,
from, you know, we don't have to say who, but.
Because they did that, the British did that with other
races, they would just take like fucking African people
and put them in a zoo.
Well there was that guy.
They made the first concentration camps in the Boer
war in South Africa
Yes, so you look at the picture looks like Auschwitz and it's white and black. Yeah
They're both skinny together. Those people are freaks. Yeah, you've heard that story right African Dutch those people are
Well, I don't know that I'm free Connors
So like so we said we've said that on the show boy
How fucking funny is it for white people to go down to Africa create a new language is mostly Dutch and call it African
Yeah, I for con
Yeah, it's got two A's it's Afrikaner
but the fucking
What's his name? So remember they turn the statues down for
for fun BLM time, yeah
By the way, it told called me up when I was going on,
like late at night, he goes,
did you hear they pulled down the statue of Jefferson
and replaced it with Tiffany Haddish?
So, one statue that people wanted to tear down in England
was Cecil Rhodes of the Rhodes Scholarship,
and never took that one down.
But Cecil Rhodes, that guy, remember when you hear about Blood Diamonds and De Beers,
that's him, De Beers, the family, he just used their name.
He's the architect of all apartheid, both in South Africa and the other, we have to
say who, but you know.
That Cecil Rhodes' fucking dream is that apartheid thing he came
with that and he's a well-known boy fucker mm-hmm so it's like that British
thing where they go like in South Park the adventure club yeah it's a buggery
society and there's scholarships deemed after him to this day yeah Clint was a
Rhodes scholar my dad's university where he went to college they took down the
Rhodes statue during BLM,
the university in Cape Town.
Right, in Cape Town they found it,
but most places, that's amazing, a pedo.
If you look up before, like 10 years ago before,
we had to pretend there's no such thing as pedos
to protect, because the election's coming up,
you don't want to spread conspiracies
that people rape children, obviously they don't.
Obviously there's no such thing as that. Only adult women are in danger of being groomed while they need to focus on their career.
I hadn't heard of it until recently.
There's actual people out there that are into-
For kids.
Yeah.
You're conspiratorial.
Do you think that they're trying to normalize this behavior? I would say the
Political will does not exist to make this okay
I I don't know where we was talking about because it seems to me like it's pretty normal since it's constantly going on from every
Direction right right right like now. I'm not I don't like it, but I apparently I'm in the minority because they are crawling out of the woodwork
I don't like it, but apparently I'm in the minority because they are crawling out of the woodwork.
Like Nambla fucking, dude fucking,
you don't know any internet shit really.
I know who Nambla is.
Okay, you know who that guy vloggers?
That's been around since I was a kid.
Those are the OGs.
That's what, see when I was a kid we had Nambla.
Yeah.
You see what.
My dad.
When I was a kid online,
that was one of the only websites you could go to.
Yeah.
Because everything else was like.
That was one of the first ones. There was nowhere to go.
It was everything else was just for adults.
Hey, I'm 11 years old, I know what I want.
I want it now.
I don't need the government getting in between me
and my soccer coach.
That website, half of it was for adults
and half of it was for kids.
I don't know why people, I don't know.
I mean everything else. It's, I don't, you know. Okay. Where else am I going to head?
There's five websites.
Do you know who Vosh is?
V-A-U-S-H.
He's that BreadTube guy with the-
Yes, he's got a ponytail and-
Okay.
And BreadTube is-
Rich Vosh?
BreadTube is, that is like this, it's people that use conservative style video titles,
but they're actually-
It's like a communist-
Progressive? It's stream of communist, it's streamer bullshit,
but the reason I love it is because that little twerp.
Rich Vosh?
So that guy, I don't know if you follow like stupid shit,
but if you pick one stupid thing, it's my favorite.
So that guy Vosh was on his stream talking about commie shit
like he's a song biker, and he clicked on a folder
that said taxes by mistake while he's like commenting
on Asian guy's suits.
And then the folder opens up and it's pictures
of horses fucking animated style drawing children.
Okay, for a split second.
Wait, like real horse, like a Frank Roger rabbit?
A drawing.
No, anime.
Like Deviantart.
Oh, okay.
Okay, but in his taxes folder,
and for a split second,
like had I been watching,
I wouldn't pick it up,
but you know, all these spurgs online.
Yeah.
Freeze frame it, they became a whole.
So he likes lolly porn
where horses are fucking kids, okay?
And so it causes a hole.
Like the people that are allied with him
have to try to defend this.
And then Ethan from h3h3
Who used to like him now is like what the fuck is this?
Now also Vosges and 100% supporting Israel. So that's partially what they turned on him
But uh his fucking excuse for it is one of my favorite
He goes, oh, I didn't realize there were kids. I thought they were short stack goblins
I don't know what the fuck that means. Short stack goblin?
That sounds like the name of a minor league baseball team.
Yeah, right.
Because you know, short stack, you know, like goblins.
These fucking online people are into shit
beyond science and imagination.
But then he goes, his whole fallback was like,
no, I didn't, you know, looking back,
those girls licking the horse's asshole
look young in the picture. I should have realized, you know, I'm into horses.
I like horse cock.
That was his fallback.
I'm a, I'm a zoo file.
Not a pedophile.
No, I do.
You understand.
Big penis.
Yeah, but I go, I'm going socially speaking, it has to be better than fucking a kid, right?
Then raping a kid.
You can't really fuck a kid.
Yeah yeah, sorry pardon me, pardon me. That's kind of fucked up.
Like that's even worse, I mean not, it's bad to the horse too.
Cause now you're turning this horse into a pedophile.
Well, Cenk Huger said he would legalize it if he could, remember?
What's that?
The guy from TYT, you ever see a clip of him where he's like,
I would legalize, cause if you're plagiarizing a horse, who's hurt?
Oh, the guy whose first and last name you're pleasureing a horse, who's hurt? The guy who's first and last name
you're not allowed to say anymore.
No.
No.
No.
Cinque.
Cinque.
Cinque.
That guy.
Dude, I've thought that, but I dare not say it
cause I don't want to get in trouble
for saying his shitty name.
I know, yeah, I can't.
He does.
Dude, your first and last name are not cool to say.
The only guy in the space of podcasting
with a worse name than Comtown.
Dude, Shane Gillis lost a job
for just saying part of your bullshit name.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
That's why no one cared about the Uyghurs
because like people, you know,
most people don't know jack shit,
so I'd be like, do you know any, like the Uyghur,
and they'd go, yo.
They'd go like that. Like, no, I'm like, no, it's not.
I try to spell it for them.
Oh, the young turps.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's what I do now.
People go by Chinese like, oh, the chink Uyghurs?
Yeah, it is funny to imagine that the Chinese
just have like Scott, Khan,
and Vanilla Ice in a prison somewhere.
And they're just using their limited resources
to come up with secret dances.
And they have bamboo sounds.
Tom Hanks' bad son is out there.
The guards are coming, they're hiding.
They have dried feces with dance moves.
They're all in them, just hiding the feces.
They have to read like a little Red Mal book
in their fucking chinkweager.
Damn, man, how did I end up over here, man?
Where the deer went?
He's a Caribbean dog. Why they hating on my ass, man, how'd I end up over here, man? He's a Caribbean.
Why they hating on my ass, man?
Yeah, he's a friend of our show.
Chad Hayes?
I support him.
Yeah, we love him.
I support him, that's not easy.
Adam, one of Adam's best friends.
Probably one of my best friends.
You think that's easy to grow up,
your dad is a god damn sex trafficking thing with Epstein?
This is a big friend move.
He did the LAX pickup when I flew into LA.
Pick me up at LAX.
Yeah, because he.
It's hard to get a friend.
That means someone's actually a friend.
That's a down ass homie, dude.
There's no getting around that.
Yeah.
That's down as shit.
An LAX pickup in a car?
A lot of people don't know you can basically go anywhere
in LA for $10 from LAX if you just take a shuttle.
Yeah.
You just find an empty shuttle.
Is Ian blowing your ass up?
Ian's like, Kurt's 10 minutes late.
Time to suck a dick and smoke crack.
Sounds like another crisis for old Ian.
No, I'm just not doing it.
Because I'm like, how many fucking things can I jam?
I'll do it next time.
When you see Ian, you tell him that we
said we're going to kill him.
Yeah, tell him he's on fool's on fools. He's on fools notice
Ian your own fools. No Ian you're officially on fools notice
We can wrap it up if you have shit to do no, I just want to pee so bad
I don't just do this and not worry about his well
Well, I don't want to I want to do it in this cup. Yeah, okay
Where's the bathroom? I'm dying you you it's down the hall take a left We'll end this, you can pee and then we can hang out. Well, I don't want to, I want to do it in this cup. No, okay. Pee in the cup and then-
Where's the bathroom?
I'm dying.
You, it's down the hall, take a left out of the door,
go all the way.
Now people are going to reverse engineer
where the studio is.
This is fucked up, dude.
Yeah, I've been to every toilet in New York and I found it.
So, you were on Fool's Notice recently.
Yeah, but I think-
Should we announce that the Adam Friedland show is officially-
Well, it's a sister-
A sister show.
A sister, yeah.
Our sister show is officially Red Bar.
Red Bar Radio.
Red Bar Radio.
Similar to Chankweager, the show that shall not be named.
The Young Turks and Red Bar Radio are our two sister shows.
And you were put on Fool's Notice recently.
I was recently.
Yeah. And we paid- We paid for a positive review. Yeah, no, we paid for the
premium access to watch Adam's Fool's Notice. Oh yeah, we did also pay for it.
No, but I think I came out unscathed. I was
cheating myself since then. I thought I was gonna come out like a real
clown. You did sort of big-dog that guy. I didn't know what myself since then. I thought I was going to come out like a real clown.
You did sort of big dog that guy.
I didn't know what he was saying.
I couldn't understand what he was saying.
But I responded gaily.
I said, shut up.
He's five feet away from him. But he had a ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra holding the phone. Yeah, so the microphone is facing you. Whose side are you on? His or mine?
I'm on the side of Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa for handling this. Shout out to Side
Splitters. Yeah, no. I mean it was an honor to be on Fool's Notice. I guess I comprehensively sunned the guy.
And Red Bar, you know, we salute you.
The Adam Friedland show, Salute.
We salute you and your work.
You're a man.
Catalog of reviews of different Bobby Kelly style shows.
They're very good.
It is that, that cigar, I mean,
that's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
I did watch that one.
We watched both of them.
Caleb showed me that one originally in Tampa
after I asked what Fool's Notice was.
I think I've watched it five times.
It is very funny and it is very funny
Yeah, did you I hope you're mic'd when you're pissing so I turned away up
Yeah, hell yeah, I didn't you think I turned the mic off. It's a little bit of
transparent
Okay, and I want everybody to know transparent Jeffrey Tam, thank you for noticing.
What is the other fun? Oh, so there's a story I wanted to tell you before about
that. Don't have to worry about this other fucking podcast.
So I sit down and, and the one guy that worked now again, I'm not like coming out as a real quick. Pete, you mark that thing. I said, I want cut.
Okay, good. You cut that just in case.. So this bombshell, I understand people are going,
oh, this is the stupid club that canceled me playing there
and Dave Smith and whatever that I just put up to laugh at online.
I got four news stations that want to talk about cancel culture.
I don't give a fuck about that.
I just thought it was funny this email this girl wrote.
Oh, I didn't see the email.
It's hilarious.
I saw that it was where is this, in Seattle or something?
In where the Chaz was.
Remember the Chaz?
Oh, so you were, but that was outside.
You guys were doing it.
No, that is the Capitol Hill area.
Oh, oh, OK.
So it was some club where like, after talking to the
community and the whatever, we can't have all these people
at the club.
And you know, I'm not mad at them.
Like, bitch, you're going out of business. Like like first of all, you're in a human shit area. Mm-hmm. And you have to consult with the goddamn
Community in the place that's seceded from the Union during BLM time. Are you so hilarious?
So when I saw that capital city thing, I was like, this is the funniest shit. Yeah, I literally cancel culture died
On October 7th, we all know that right? Yes. Yeah Hamas killed, cancel culture died on October 7th. We all know that, right? Yes, yeah.
Hamas killed cancel culture because of.
It's so much time now.
I confuse that and January 6th, October 7th, the dates.
Half the time they think they're like,
oh, what an awful thing that happened.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
The funniest things of all time.
And then they're like, which one?
I'm like, both of them.
Both of them are the funniest things that ever happened.
Yeah, so that's because when that happened,
all the fucking, not the religious,
whatever your religious kind of Zionists
that were never Wokeys, the ones,
people that I like, okay, whatever.
I'll just say Sarah Silverman is an example
I'm not trying to pick on her exactly but liberal but love Israel but they're anti or Bill Maher perfect
Bill Maher you know the Bible's stupid right? That's what I learned from Bill Maher. I mean okay.
I learned that too probably. So they all bewildered that there wasn't this flood of support they thought there would be.
You spent the last ten years telling all these rednecks their Bible is fucking stupid, right?
It's about, what, 70% of the justification for Israel existing. The Bible.
I don't get why you believe it should exist, I said you hate the Bible,
but you told these rednecks that used to support you unconditionally the Bible stupid
Then you told them they're the terrorists instead of the Muslims that they wanted to fight forever for you
Yeah, now you said no, it's white gamers and rednecks are the terrorists
They're Muslim, you know after j-way sex then you tried to make their fucking kids gay
Yeah, so now you think they're gonna send their kids to Sandy land and go fight?
I'm just here, my whole aisle I understand about October 7th. I watched I watched secular liberal Zionist where they're like
Super woke right, but they're in love Israel and they can't put I watched the footage of October 7th
I don't know anything about either sides of these but I am pro
Mario Kart. Yeah, and when I see guys riding a go-kart with a parachute attached to it, I say those are my guys.
That's the side I'm on. I think the larger point and whatever side of this thing. And I hate music festivals.
Look, whatever side anybody's on. Imagine somebody did that at the Bonnaroo. You would be like good.
Yeah, Coachella got Mario Kart. You know, if you can't feel safe having to rave next to a concentration camp, where can you?
Anyway,
the one thing that no matter where this goes,
and I think we're all gonna agree,
no matter what side you're on,
is that Krav Maga is bullshit.
It is.
It's tickle fighting. Krav Maga has never worked.
It's scratching and biting and tickle fighting.
I mean. And balls.
Yeah.
It's about time, and I'm sorry if this is gonna
get me in trouble, but Krav Maga is bullshit.
I think we can go on the record and say that.
It's undignified.
A gentleman would never.
No, it doesn't work.
You can get your fucking ass kicked.
Yeah.
You've beaten like Woody Allen by a bunch of,
can I say Schwartz's or?
I don't know if you can.
That might be worse now.
I feel like the sort of antiquated, like esoteric slurs.
The Yiddish slur.
The black slur.
Because people hear it and then they're like,
what the hell is that?
Can I say Schwurzenegger?
Yeah. Well, that's both.
That's been his name the whole time you're saying?
Paul Mooney explained what that name means.
Dude, you know you said the F slur earlier.
Did I?
Well I think you meant as a bundle of sticks.
Did I?
You know a bundle of sticks is still called a f***.
That's not a homo.
I called one earlier.
Which is also the original logo for fascism.
So that's what...
So the Italian word fascio means a bundle of sticks.
So if you translate it, fascism is f***.
Soboro means?
What?
Like Soboro's pizza, but with an O.
Too much dough?
It means cum in Italian.
Nice.
That f***ing pizza restaurant, they're like, what if we just named the place cum?
Well, it looks like I'm if we just named the place Cum?
Well, it looks like I'm not going to be a fascist,
and I am going to get some Samboros.
Yeah, we trick people stuck in Penn Station into eating Cum.
Hey, come on, are you eating my cum?
Come and have some of this.
Eat or something.
Have a more yellow true skinny, have a cum.
We've mentioned this a million times on the show,
but I don't think I've ever talked to you about it.
I'm sure you've been in Penn Station a bunch
throughout the years.
Did you ever see that shop called Ty Koon?
And it's T-I-E-C-O-O-N,
and they still sell like Steve Harvey suits.
Have you ever seen that place?
Is it black ownership at least?
I don't think so.
I looked it up because I'm like,
this is one of the worst things I've ever seen.
How are they getting away with this?
Similar to in Phillyilly they had that place
Chinx Steaks which almost no one knew about and it was up they didn't change
the name till like 2013 and I would tell people about it all the time is that
what was it named after because got a white guy that looked sleepy and that was
on their way that was a really I think he was like a part again there's a guy
who's a gangster something and that's what they call them no he was a regular
just fucking idiot yeah that when he was a kid, you might be thinking Jimmy the chin. No, no, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz it was like he grew I won't say that I'm hoping to be honest and awesome day me too
He grew up in Archie. Shane got back people, you know, we could we might we might be getting it soon
I think that call is gonna be coming through. I'm waiting on it any minute now. So I sit down at the cell with Tate. Shane's broken through. He's like Joe Azuzu now.
This guy's mainstream. Dude, we're like, oh how is his monologue? Who gives a shit?
This is the best thing. He could have bombed him, gives a fuck. They had to bring him back
after firing him and then what's his name? I thought he should have apologized in Mandarin Chinese like John Cena. He should have.
He should have not.
Ding Dao.
Perfect Mandarin.
He's done that video and it's in perfect Mandarin.
If you speak Mandarin, you sound like a racist.
Yeah.
Do not speak Mandarin.
You will sound...
Nick does.
Yeah.
You speak it?
Yeah.
Oh, wait, you live with them?
I speak Chinese.
Dude, you sound racist as as fuck but that's Mandarin.
I won't even say the president China's name like Ding Wing Peng like come on man.
Nobody's named Ding Wing Peng and you know what else is racist?
She sells seashells.
You know what's really racist?
In this time somebody called it out? Indian music.
Southeast Asian. Oh I heard that song.
All their music if you go in a goddamn store,
it sounds like they're making fun.
It sounds like it's making fun of itself.
Yeah.
Like, dude, come on, they don't sing like that.
There's a joke, like, turn it down.
What is it?
I don't know anything about Indian music.
You say it sounds too...
I'm not gonna do an impression.
Bollywood-y kind of music?
But it sounds very Indian.
It sounds very self-racist, or you mean their songs are like...
It sounds like, hey...
I can't do it until
Someone's making fun like the but this is the original song we don't have any more room
That's a real song, but it sounds like a racist song to make fun of presumably some real Indian music You never get to hear but just itself turn it off. Yeah, turn it down
Fucking outfit off because that's race. It wasn't funny
Like Myers wore it in the Love Guru.
I can never get this joke to work.
I try to do it on stage, but it is just racist.
But when people go like, oh, my culture is in a costume.
Yes, it is.
That's literally what a culture is, you fucking idiot.
Well, beyond that, it's like, okay, sure.
There might be cultural clothes you wear,
but you're not gonna convince me that that big headdress
with the feathers is in a costume.
Because if it's not, why aren't you wearing it?
Right now, where's your where's your feather? Yes, right?
You're not like oh fuck. I got to get to the grocery store before they close. Where's my giant feather address?
Before I leave the house
Yeah, some of them are costumes, you know how
Yeah, some of them are costumes. Do you know how, so in Canada, most of them are costumes.
That's a salient point.
Some of them are costumes.
All that shit is gone now.
But I love-
Do you think you can just live in a lamp like I do?
My regular day to day lamp living lifestyle.
So remember Canada where they saluted that Nazi
in the House of Commons?
And so I was calling Ryan Long about it because he's from Canada. I want nothing more to let
out the longest squeakiest ending in shart fart during a land
acknowledgement next time I'm in Canada. That's my goal.
It's like air being let out of a balloon. I didn't talk. That was the only rule.
That's a really nice gesture isn't it?
Hey I want to recognize this is the land of the chukapaka people and they are
never getting it back. Right exactly. If you don't do anything about it, it's rude. You're not gonna move are you?
It is incredibly rude. So wait so imagine you go to the French House every time. I'm gonna lose this.
My brain doesn't work very well. Yeah, me either. They have a problem with Punjabi terrorists.
That guy, something Singh, Jagmeet Singh,
who's like another politician that looks like Justin Trudeau
in his Arabian Nights outfit.
He wrote, you ever see how Punjabi,
they had Punjabi terrorists living in Canada for a while.
Now I had no idea what Punjabi terrorists look like,
but they
look fucking hilarious. And they are dressed up in the most colorful, and so
there's a whole community of like, of just like the Ukrainian Nazi guys that
they exploded planes back in India, and everybody hates them. And they're dressed,
do you see the outfit of the terrorists? You're like, hey, couldn't you just say, I
wish you guys would stop? It looks like, it looks like, it looks like,
it looks like what you think.
That's against the rules.
It looks like Sinbad the comedian when he played a genie.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Not even a genie, Sinbad's pants he used to wear.
They wear that with like a big,
it looks like a racist costume making fun of,
and they're terrorists.
I mean, can you imagine keeping a straight face in that?
War on terror.
But what kind of terrorism?
It's more like a war on laughter.
Against Muslims maybe.
No, other, they're separatists.
Like, I can't remember.
Is that terrorism?
Because it sounds like none of my damn business.
I think they're freedom fighters, myself.
You know one man's a terrorist
and another man's fucking personal heroes. That's true
He sends money to you know, the first suit you said
Concentration camp so the first suicide bombing bombers weren't Muslim. They were they're Tamils in Sri Lanka
ever that you heard of the first like what the fuck are Tamils like the
Tigers that chick. MiA that MiA's Tamil? Yeah. Yeah. They were...
Kind of Aziz-y looking people. Okay. I love her. Yeah. Aziz and Sorry-looking
kind of people. I remember Aziz used to talk about being into her years ago when G-Phrase came out.
It is true. I've never seen MIA and.A. and Aziz in the same route.
Oh, wait a minute. Do they look the same?
No, not in my estimation.
I just remember the song, the one song.
Paper Planes, great track.
Paper Planes.
And I don't know if they're Tamils or even terrorists too.
Wow, that sounds like a little tongue twister.
Yeah.
Tamil terror too.
That's why I've been fixating on just the word tamil
since you said it, because it doesn't sound like a description.
It's a cool name.
You know, showing someone a tamil toe, bitch. Yeah, right, exactly, sounds like an animal. I'm about to on just the word Tamil since you said it because it doesn't sound like a description. It's a cool name. You know, showing someone a Tamil toe, bitch.
Yeah, right, exactly, sounds like an animal.
I'm about to write a rap.
A dog breed rather than a type of person you can be.
I know, and I refuse to look it up or learn more about it
because I feel like that would be racist.
Yeah.
To learn a language and to learn about people.
I remember that being a thing.
I don't trust myself with the information.
That's the problem.
That's, yeah.
I think a regular person could read about this
and have their mind open.
I know how I will react,
and it's not gonna be good for them.
It's gonna be ignorant?
It's gonna be bad.
Yeah.
That's good.
I think it's pretty mature of you
to recognize that by yourself.
There's some things I can learn.
You gotta regulate yourself.
I can't change my instincts,
but I can keep myself.
It's like putting a muzzle on a dog,
or putting it down.
It's worse if I'm trying to be good. It's worse. I get way more out of control. Right
now I'm very excited about the... I have to go to Baltimore after that attack on the bridge.
On the bridge, yeah. I resisted the urge.
Did you get your bridge chunked together for the shows?
No, I just have a crazy conspiracy
that I'd like to put on your show.
Let's hear it.
Let's hear it.
Let's hear it.
I think that it is, you ever have a girlfriend that gets mad
like an ex would break my shit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a revenge kind of thing?
Yeah.
I haven't, but I can imagine.
A breaker.
Keith Robinson calls him a breaker.
Oh, Keith has a name for...
Yeah.
Yeah, no. That's a clever name too. I'd rather be
here because you know that's for those money and for example my ex that was a breaker.
That's so funny. Keith calls a woman who breaks something, Keith calls him a breaker.
He's a breaker. He goes he's like you got a breaker. Yeah it was just a post-stroke thought that he...
So breakers by the way I remember my my one ex I was a breaker and we're arguing about Kyle Rittenhouse
Because I knew he was gonna get a quick what Keith calls him a shooter a shooter. I call him a goddamn hero
I knew he was gonna be acquitted. Okay, because I did a little detective trick
Watching the little evidence of every part of the thing for hours
But but because she's a breaker.
It is very funny.
Half the reason people don't like it is because
He's got a round fat face. Exactly.
That you want to hit with a skateboard.
Imagine getting shot by like a peep basically.
No, that was my old man.
He looks like a woman.
He looks like a Midwest woman.
No dude, that shit is small.
You mean Chris Kyle there?
He looks like one of those like, you dude, they're too small. Even Chris Kyle there. He looks like one of those, like,
you get your skateboards, you can fix that face.
But he's, everyone he shot,
good for him, he's better than cops.
But anyway, my girlfriend, not my girl, my ex,
because she breaks shit, she identified with, like,
the pedophile burn shit down people more,
because she didn't like the idea that someone could be,
and by the way, it's not why they got shot,
they got shot because they were trying to kill him, but she's like, but for property, because she's't like the idea that someone could be, and by the way, it's not why they got shot, they got shot because they were trying to kill him,
but she's like, but for property?
Because she's broken shit, so she identifies with them.
I go, look, I have no political feelings in this,
like I don't believe in any of the things, they're real.
I'm just telling you, watch the footage of it,
you could see what happened.
She goes, I don't need to see the footage.
I go, bitch, what am I, Galileo?
Look in the telescope.
You can see reality in there.
Yeah, so you think she broke the bridge, your ex?
No, I think, you know how we had to get back
with our first love, our first wife, Israel,
and our side piece, Ukraine?
Hey, good times.
It was a chimes ship.
And now look, I don't mean to apply Occam's razor
in a situation where it could just be racist, but.
DEI did this.
I wanna make that clear though.
It was a Chinese guy driving the ship.
I mean, do you wanna make that clear?
Was it?
Yeah.
Wait, is that true?
Yeah.
Are you speculating or you know it?
Because you've solved it if it was a Chinese guy.
It was a Singapore-y ship.
That's not, man.
I thought we'd cracked the case.
Can you imagine a Chinese guy named Gilligan a Singapore-ish shit. That's not, man. I thought we'd crack the case.
Can you imagine a Chinese guy named Gilligan
what trouble you would have with that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I was doing this podcast in LA and the dude... Chaitanic, is that what they were called? Chaitanic? I don't know, I called Taiwan Chinese real
because that's how important Taiwan is.
Yeah, Chinese.
Yeah?
Yeah?
Hello?
Hello?
They're like, can you stop podcasting?
What?
Well, open the door.
Hi.
Hello.
What is Amazon?
Yeah, Amazon?
What do we got?
What do you got for us?
Let's see.
I'm excited, dude.
Oh!
Nice!
You got to sign something?
That's it.
You can just put it on the floor.
I would say bring it to the stage and have it on.
That's okay.
Thanks, man.
Awesome.
TV.
We're doing a TV show.
Thanks.
For TV.
Union Strong.
Those guys.
You see how it's opened the door?
He just crashed into it. Mm. For TV. Union Strong.
Those guys.
You see how it's open the door?
He just crashed into it.
Yeah.
People, they can't, he wasn't on camera so they can't tell.
Okay.
So for real though, that bridge that went down.
And you're right.
Occam's Razor, it could be literally incompetence.
We have more enemies as a country than the Fantastic Four did in the comics.
It could be like anything. However, that bridge. Incompetence, we have more enemies as a country than the Fantastic Four did in the comics.
It could be like anything, however, that bridge.
What is the original Occam's razor?
Like there was a crime scene.
It was a religious guy, no.
There was a crime scene, they found a razor,
and then this guy named Occam walks up,
and he's like, it's the black guys.
Is this a bit or are you asking?
I'm asking.
It was some monk in Augustinian medieval bullshit times,
and they were trying to, it's not how
people use it, everybody uses it wrong.
He was like, they're talking about describing a chair.
I hate these philosophy kind of spurries where they're like, what can we say for sure about
the chair?
Philosophy is the fakest thing in the world.
So he was like, look, the simplest thing is the fucking share.
I'm mangling it, but it's not the thing people use now
to pretend that it's not possible UFOs are a thing.
Let's call a spade a spade.
That's exactly what it is.
That sounds racist.
Why?
Yeah, it does.
You can't call a shovel a shovel?
What do you think spade means?
David Spade?
Oh, it's David Spade.
Is that where it comes from?
I think he has a refutation.
It's funny that his name is David Spade, because that it's David Spade. Is that where it comes from? I think he, yes. It's funny that his name is David Spade
because that's like the least accurate description.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because he doesn't have a flat shovel face?
His name should be like David,
the most cracker guy you've ever seen.
David, uh.
That's what a spade is?
You've never heard that term?
Oh, you know what?
I have.
You've redeemed yourself after the sports.
Wait, that makes sense about the Shaft theme song
for the second movie where they go,
he's a bad spade, don't pull your blade.
Yeah.
They're talking about Shaft in the song.
Yeah, it's a-
Well, that's racist in his own song.
That's how far they come.
Can you imagine there's a racial slur about you
in your own theme song?
Okay, I don't understand how-
That's America we used to live in.
Can you imagine halfway through the Good Times theme song,
they were like, and by the way,
they're a bunch of-
In China, in China, that's what they like.
Oh, do they?
Yeah.
They like being racist too, or they're learning?
All of it.
You can't tell about the government, but after the show, because they don't like sex or religion
jokes, so they're not really into that.
But they're like, do you have any like racial?
It's funny, sorry. Have you done shows in China?
Yeah. They mentioned that about Singapore. Singapore is highly authoritarian, but they're
also very progressive. So I had Singaporeese guys go after me years ago asking for me to
be thrown in jail. Oh, the poet.
They're worse than China. By a lot. By a lot.
Yeah. If you say anything homoph, right? You get the death penalty. You're like, China was funny,
because in China they don't shadow ban,
but the people actually know the rules,
they're not supposed to break, generally.
But it also seems like a utopia.
Singapore seems like it's amazing.
It's super clean and beautiful.
I could live like that,
like if you're just not allowed to say problematic shit,
but everybody's a fucking millionaire,
I'd give it up for that, easily.
Yeah, well that's why,
why do you think Wokey's here do that? Because they got money, so it up for that, easily. Yeah, well that's why, why do you think
Wokeys here do that?
Because they got money, so it's easy for them to be like,
I don't ever have to point out any,
everybody lives in the sewer.
That's not the Ridge Place.
That's where you have to have realities
of dealing with people, but if you have some dipshit.
I would trade everything for money.
Well, yeah.
Every single fucking.
I would do pretty much anything.
I would do pretty much anything I would do pretty
much anything it doesn't really yeah whatever you want I would give it up a little all if I could have an in home sign.
Would you keep silent when Candace Owens is fired for her conscience? I don't even know what that is.
Did you bring that up to me Candace Owens? He did. She was fucking. You see that? She got fired.
You pretending you didn't know. No you're saying how the right is but I was saying oh
I haven't hasn't the right fractured on Israel?
Because you have the Ben Shapiro, then you have the Kansas Owens.
I'm sure I was just saying the same thing.
I woke with Dynar.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It fractures everything.
It's not the same kind of political polarity.
They finally, so I don't have Twitter.
I don't have access to it.
So I have to read it through.
There was a third party thing that would just scrape through it.
You got kicked off or you just? No, No I just have Kylo just runs the account for I don't I would waste all my
fucking time if I. It's easy to get sucked in. Yeah so like I'm just addicted to the
phone so I'd like I have to just and now you know you just. He's retired. I'm
retired. He's in retirement. Yeah well he's one of the greatest. One of the greats. I'd rather
spend my time.
You know I got back into Battlefield 1 recently?
You ever play that?
Helldivers dude, get Helldivers.
People have mentioned that to me, but yeah Battlefield 1 I got back into, which came
out in 2016, but it's still the best Battlefield.
Yeah right.
But now it's only, I can only play on Arab servers.
Are you on a computer?
No no no, on PS5.
To get Helldivers is the best.
Is it World War 1?
No, it's like, on PS5. For gay Helldivers, it's the best.
Is it World War I?
No, it's like Starship Troopers.
You remember Starship Troopers?
I like bolt action rifles.
I like games.
They have stuff like that, but the thing that's great is
you're bringing democracy.
They go, bring democracy to the planet.
And you have the like, and you don't have a character.
If your character dies, they just shoot
another nameless one down. It may be male or female, and you don't have a character. If your character dies, they just shoot another nameless one down.
It may be male or female, because you don't matter.
And you fight socialist robots on one planet, and the other is the bugs.
Like in Starship Troopers, and it's, you can kill each other, but like, you'll die from
fuck ups from friendly fire.
It's fucking great.
Well, I played Battlefield 1, and like, because you know,, there's limited servers now because the game's fucking almost nine years old
Yeah, and so I end up playing on these Arab servers like there's like KSA branded servers
I guess and they have them set so it only cycles like the desert maps
Like they only play in like fucking in like the Arab the sand ones
It's like can't you just go outside at this point?
I mean, isn't that, isn't war happening there?
I've assumed that that's what's going on.
So that's really, I wouldn't have thought,
cause I remember there was like a controversy
that Call of Duty, I think Kumail wasn't mad about it,
but he was like, it's weird.
I'm playing Call of Duty in the streets or in Karachi.
Like, oh, that's where my house was.
Yeah. It's like, it is a mind blowing thing that, cause you wouldn't, I'm playing Call of Duty and the streets are in Karachi. Like, oh, that's where my house was. Yeah.
It's like, it is a mind blowing thing that,
cause I would never know about it.
What's Kumail doing?
It seems like he transitioned to movie star
and then I don't like, then he, like,
did he die during the pandemic?
No, he got jacked.
I know, but then I haven't heard it.
He got jacked. He's in the new Ghostbusters.
Getting jacked was the last thing I,
oh, he's in the new Ghostbusters, okay.
They should have made the Ghostbusters fucking I him and Paul Rudd
Maybe TJ not a kid's thing. We could dudes adult Ghostbusters
Yeah, cuz Camille fucking great is that you know, it's just they make all this shit
So, you know, I don't even want to get into the problems of the movie business
You know what I'm saying? Well, we're in it, so we don't want to take shots.
Yeah.
I feel like I'm taking way too many shots.
We have a couple things in production here.
Leave Hollywood alone, guys.
I mean, we've got to pile on them all the time
just because they fucking.
Everyone is, yeah.
I mean, they've given us so much.
And on top of it, they queered the space.
You know what's funny?
This Dan Schneider documentary came out.
I don't think anyone has watched it.
I haven't.
It's in my queue, but I got a lot of molested things. It's nasty. I don't want to hear about it. It's gonna be
so funny because Hollywood will just go back to abusing children because there's no money in it
anymore. Yeah, that's why you don't worry about AI. They're gonna take your likeness and use it
because you can't molest an AI. You need real flesh and blood child actors. Yeah, yeah.
It's true.
Didn't they propose that as a solution for pedophilia?
It was like A, it was like.
Didn't you propose to a guy to marry him, to be his wife?
No.
Oh, okay. I was confused.
I think that's what those gray big head aliens are.
I think they're like intergalactic things
for pedophiles to fuck.
Yeah.
You know, cause it's always sexual what they do and they would probably feel good
Yeah, the mouth slit that they have that the abductees described. They have a mouth slit that they can't even like eat through
I would stick my dick in that yeah. Yeah, but what about the ass?
I want the big black eyes to look and like mentally connect and while I fuck his mouth
Yeah, I don't put that out there in case anybody...
What if aliens came and all those guys were like,
they anally probed me, it's like this guy got abducted by aliens
and they were like, we come in peace and want to...
and this guy's like, fuck me in my ass, I'm gonna suck your dick.
And they got, the aliens just got sexually abused
by some weird desert redneck.
Okay, well I went on a big deep dive with this.
And then they never came back, and we blew, there was one guy, some hick in an RV,
blew it for everybody.
Well, I went into such an alien, not about-
I'm in now, I fucked him.
Yeah.
He fucked my ass and I sucked his dick.
It's not, they're the aggressor.
The thing that's funny is all the stories,
they're like harvesting, like do their ships run on sperm?
Why are they, is there a fuel source to them every time it's the asshole every time it's not what
you're talking about is Whitley Stryber and the reason I bring up I was just
watching him talk about it because Whitley Stryber the guy who put made the
book communion I guess the term anal probe. Now he's also the Obama guy right? He sucked Obama's dick for crack.
Just let me finish before I go. It's funny you're the real thing before you your spurgouts I keep saying spur like I'm like racist against that's not a term anyone's using like 10 years. Yeah
Well, what am I supposed to call these fucking ass burgers isn't even a diagnosis anymore
Oh, yeah, it's not in the DS. It's got a hard G at the end of it
Yeah, it's got an R and a great story word. I want to insult these people. I say smart-hearted
Yeah for like Greta Thunberg. That's good
They're sort of like a hybrid like the Tesla right like retarded. They like wrestling smart hearted likes anime
So if you have to Blade Runner test your guys toward on what?
Well, you know people predator do they do like to catch a predator?
Uh-huh if you I don't know if you do online toward hunting but and you don't know what you got on your hand
I don't hunt them. I've never heard well not for anything bad, but just you track them.
You guys are not involved in that.
No.
Just get like a, just get a-
Well, if you get into it, the smart tarreds like anime,
so that's how you learn them.
The other kind like wrestling.
You get them in with some wrestling.
Is that still a thing, or they're still fucking like guys
that are like 37, they've been doing comedy for 15 years,
they maybe run one popular show,
and their whole life is wrestling.
Soder's still really into it.
Yeah, Dan Soder.
You don't know Dan Soder?
Yeah, Soder's, yeah.
They put him in a documentary.
Shot rescinded.
That's why I won't watch the Dan Schneider fucking thing,
because on YouTube there's better shit,
and with the fucking, whoever made this one,
they gotta add some loser young journalist girl that wasn't involved
But she writes her variety so we have to act like it's the best week ever like well Dan Snyder
She's reading her fucking stupid fake thing. I hate dude. I I hate they're doing pedophile code now MTV's pedophile
Yeah, I don't know. It's like I thought you're saying, guy code but for guys that fuck kids?
I mean, that's just all of the things.
That's just guy code.
That's just all of the things. Are you guys high value males?
HVMs?
Is that like HNIC?
Yeah, yeah it is. Yeah, it is Andrew Tate stuff.
I kind of like, do people still say HNIC? What does that mean? Just think about it, you can get it.
The boss of something, HNIC.
Yes, they do.
Yeah, okay.
Yes, they do.
I can trust you.
If I'm on my time.
I know that I don't have to, you can put it together.
I know, anyone else, I'd have to spell it out, but I think.
Yeah, they do, but I mean, I wouldn't say some shit like that, man.
What does that mean?
That used to be a common expression that people, like people would use, they would, but I mean, I wouldn't say some shit like that, man. What does...
No, that used to be a common expression that people would use.
They would say HNIC.
It's synonymous with big cheese without thinking about the racial implications of it.
Of big cheese?
Like, you know, oh, this guy's the big cheese.
Who are you insulting with that?
You're not insulting anybody.
Oh, but with HNIC, right?
HNIC is not an insult.
It's something people would claim.
There would be like a...
Like the general manager at a car dealership who's like a white guy would be like, well, I'm sort of the HNIC is not an insult. It's something people would claim. There would be like a fuck, like the general manager at a car dealership
who's like a white guy would be like,
well, I'm sort of the HNIC.
Look, if the words, like,
I used to this little bit about word burkas, you know,
and you gotta cover the word up a little bit,
like for a word that you shouldn't say,
you still need sometimes.
Yeah.
So you go, oh, the R word or whatever.
Oh yeah, the blank word.
You put a burka on it, you know?
But even the N word, even not the word,
but saying the N word feels uncomfortable.
And why?
Because you no wonder that burka's
two big double G size word titties.
Yeah.
You ain't gonna cover them titties up with no burka.
Yeah.
You keep your dirty white mouth off them titties.
You know, I found out recently,
Wikipedia has an article for Wigger, but then they also
have an article for...
Schenck Wigger?
Yes.
Okay.
No, just the word Wig, right, which means a white guy that acts black.
It's Wafrican-American.
Yeah.
They have an article for Wigger, but then they also have an article for white, that's
a separate article.
And it says not to be confused with Wigger.
Really?
I can't believe they're that accurate.
I can't believe Wikipedia actually.
What does the second thing mean?
If you go to the talk page,
it's people being like, why isn't this deleted?
It doesn't mean that.
Why is that on Wikipedia?
So that's amazing you have something that accurate.
So white N-word versus Wigger,
white N-word is what you would call deplorables
or Trump voters, which is a real thing, which all the white people thatword versus wigger, white N-word is what you would call deplorables or Trump
voters.
As in, which is a real thing, which all the white people that you don't like, I know you're
not, you're more of an alt-right guy, but yeah.
No, I'm not.
I just like to pin, I like to smear people as alt-right now.
Yeah.
Is alt-right even a thing anymore?
No, but it hasn't stopped them.
Whenever you got out of the game,
because now we're in Gamergate 2,
and that's the thing that really-
Is Gamergate 2 a thing?
What's happening with that?
What's going on with that?
Oh, it's cool.
You know everything.
Games suck now, though.
Dude, this is so much bigger than that.
This is funny, because I went back,
I told you, I was playing Battlefield 1 again,
and that game became out peak, like Gamergate.
So sometimes the setting will be like the Russian Revolution,
and you're playing as a black black lady. Yeah you play as the
characters are black. Do you know what that is? So this is... I don't care I just
want to shoot Pete. Okay well I bought Spider-Man. Who are you ever in it? I bought fucking
Spider-Man. I beat it, I beat it yeah. So first of all Mary Jane, they actually
hire consultants of those kind of you know exactly what they look like already.
Busted, busted.
Like the Simpsons, the Simpsons consultants.
And their job is to ruin the fucking,
so Mary Jane, who's a model, has a big fat,
ugly bitch. Busted.
She's junk in the mug, is how I put it.
And then one mission you have to fucking,
as Dominican Spider-Man, you gotta fucking set up
a gay high school prom date.
One mission you gotta play as a a gay high school prom date.
One mission, you gotta play as a deaf fucking little black girl that does graffiti.
That's his girlfriend, yes.
She's not, but they're just friends
and they're gonna glue their head to a Vermeer or something.
You gotta fucking, just stop with, okay?
And I'm like, I wanna be, you have to play as Mary Jane.
Did you play the mission?
With a flat ass, no hips Mary Jane.
And I'm like, I'm not playing this.
70 bucks they charge for it.
And I was like, I put all this shit about,
by the way I'm 46, so how much can I really
complain about a video game publicly?
As much as you want.
That seems, now that I'm in my 30s.
You just started.
You just started in my 30s and it's almost over.
I'm looking forward to my 40s,
because if you think I'm a piece of shit now.
That's pop off season.
You go full goblin mode.
I've had another 20 years from when I was 25
and already not acting my age to continue to mature.
Now I've done it again.
I'm still acting like a fucking reaper.
Stupid Gamergate at the time.
What happened was all the fruit loops from that,
all those chicks that were like,
there was one that wanted me destroyed,
I'm not really the Gamergate,
but the chick that was trying to get me fired, not really the Gamergate, but the chick
that was trying to get me fired from everything.
Which one, the Daily Dot lady?
Sadie?
No, her name is Jude Doyle now.
Jude Doyle, right, yes.
It's a man.
And he's gone bald.
I haven't seen that, but I'm gonna look it up.
Somebody else pointed out,
because he got mad at me, I don't wanna misgender,
but the person who was harassing,
they got mad at me because I just and you were harassing Jude Doyle
Well, all I ever do is just any doctor you picture of dr. Evil. Mm-hmm
And now they've turned into dr. Evil how crazy said but dude
you know why Jude came at me as I don't want a dead name Jude was because when when
Well, Jude was always a man
I don't have to tell the story now, but Jude was mad at Sam Morrill and you said they were fake and I go Sam let's say that this is a
character we made up to make a point and this person doesn't even exist and that's where
it all started and I didn't know about BPD or whatever the fuck these like Brooklyn smartard
problems and so I would have never made that joke. I thought it was very harmless, almost kind of Jonathan Swift-esque satire, honestly.
And so people thought this person didn't exist
for eight hours tops on Facebook.
Right, and that's assault.
And yeah, and so this maniac went through
everything I've ever commented, like comment posts,
because I didn't understand smartardation at the time,
which you could say
it's not the vaccines, but it's something.
There's more of these smartards than ever before.
And they have the time to go through everything
you've ever said, like an AI, to try to pick out something.
And I thought it was hilarious.
I posted what Jude made, the collage of my.
I think it's just the internet has highlighted
how bad human behavior is when it's not mitigated
by anything and there's no, like I feel like 40 years ago,
all of these people would just be like,
maybe hurting their cat here and there.
You know what I mean?
Or annoying their family.
Or doing something, yeah.
Jude would be in a convent, lesbian molesting children.
Every time I scratch my nuts, I smell my hand.
Every single time.
So that's so-
You know how hard it is for me to resist?
And I don't think that's a complex.
I think that's pretty common human behavior.
Well, I gotta stop smelling your hand.
That's the point.
The problem is not there.
I make people smell my hand.
Everybody does it, right?
Everybody does it.
Everyone does it.
All those freaks, all those like,
they've moved up the ladder so much
from the days of them being game journalists
that they consult with the Department of Homeland Security.
Brianna Wu consults with Homeland Security
on domestic terrorism, because remember when all the Muslims
stopped attacking us, which is nice of them,
and it became white incels are the new terrorists?
Yeah, yeah.
I only just, because Brianna Wu is also very pro-Israel.
And I only just- That's why I support her.
I only just recently found out Briana Wu is not a Chinese lady
It's like when I found out whoopi Goldberg's not Jewish same fucking shot. Yeah, and Joy Behar is not Jewish
I never clicked. I never clicked on the picture. I clicked on the picture
I'm like, let's see how like why is this Chinese lady?
She's going so hard for is where the transfer goes not like Briana Wu has turned on her because the new generation
Yeah is even crazier than the ones from the first Gamergate. The new generation of that kind of maniac and they just devour
like, but anyway, so what happened was-
I didn't even really pay attention to this one game.
I don't even know what Gamergate is.
People got mad at the Battlefield 1 thing. They put like, there was like one game with
a girl in it and people were like, duh, fuck you.
No, no, Battlefield 1 was the one, World War 1 won and that was good. Battlefield 5-
That one sucked.
Was the one where- The game, but the was good. Battlefield 5 was the one where...
The game, but the game sucks.
Yeah, it sucks.
Battlefield 5 sucks.
Right.
Because it's all about... you know, you know about ESG and all that by now, I hope.
But that's not what ruined Battlefield 5, it's just a bad game.
But you listen to what I'm saying.
The game's bad, and because you can get venture capital and all that shit for hitting a right score, they can make a bad game,
they slap up, put a chick in it and make her game lame,
like a South Park, and then you get your money.
So that's why, like all my friends that run channels
complaining about nerd shit, they're like,
well you gotta go to the consumer, how do they make money?
No, they are making money.
They're not making money by making a thing you want
and selling it to you, they're making money because the top wealthy people
are so rich they can afford to pay them to make shit
you hate on purpose.
So now there's consulting firms.
And what is most evil about it is that
a lot of them are Canadian.
So imagine Canadian Woktards being in charge of,
that's why Spider-Man was fucked up.
So somebody, some guy in Brazil made a list
of every game this consulting team worked on.
It's called Sweet Baby Inc.
And there's a hilarious video going around,
this chick saying about, you can shake down the company.
You know how Jesse Jackson, Rainbow Coalition,
he goes, you don't have enough black people,
and they all, and they pay him.
Just the same scam, it's the same shakedown thing,
like a mob,
but they're too stupid to not say out loud.
Jesse Jackson would have never said,
I'm shaking it down.
These dumb fucking whores are saying it,
and there's video of it.
And they're connected to fucking Homeland Security
through some other company, they all do cutouts.
And then if you read the page where they go,
online extremism can form in video game communities.
Yeah, that's what they say about the game.
The lady right there, she quotes Hassan Piker.
Somebody working for the government
is quoting Hassan Piker.
Friends of the show.
Big, big friends of the show.
So that all came out, and the difference between this
and the first game, so at the time when the first game
regained that I didn't care about,
because I was an adult, even like the games. games but when that came out the only way you could
get anybody noticing it was to partner up with either the right or left so Milo Yiannopoulos,
Dan Homo and then a bunch of others are right wingers.
Oh he's gay?
He stopped but I think he might have.
Oh yeah he did stop.
You know he kind of looks like Aged Patient Zero
with the fucking glasses.
The aviators.
When I think about the pic, you know what I'm talking about,
that newspaper, the black and white.
So the way the thing about ethics in journalism,
basically the same problem of all journalism is it's all,
like it should say paid advertisement on it
because it's show.
But because right wing figures got involved,
the other side of the media was able to go, oh, this is a far-right movement and blah, and people...
Inso.
And these are nerds that care about games and they don't care about politics.
Well, beyond that, caring about games, they don't get pussy. I mean, that's the meanest
thing in the world to say, not only do you not get pussy, but you are...
And you're privileged from...
You're ISIS. You're ISIS.
Yes, yes.
You're also...not only are you some guy that can't fuck anyone... Yeah, you're privileged. You're ISIS. You're ISIS. Yes. Yes. Also, not only are you some guy that can't fuck anyone,
you're privileged. You are the biggest danger in society. Right. Can you imagine? It's just for being a loser.
It's just for being a fucking... It's one of the meanest things you can do.
The Palestinians are a danger because they're losers. Let's face it. They don't have anything and they're gonna lash out and like you a white incel gamer
You know we get pussy
I'm an extremely cool guy losing bro. I'm a black guy that gets pussy. Yeah. Oh
We guys have real a lot of stuff happens as I've been going. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I was like, what are these two virgins gonna want to talk about but you've been out there
I just started skateboarding a couple weeks ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I was like, what are these two virgins gonna want to talk about but you've been out there Good for you. I just started skateboarding couple weeks ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's crazy
Yeah, no things are things are going
well
So So now we're drowning and do the way it's different now is there's so you don't have to, the regular media shit is useless and worthless.
So, now they're just posting, there's plenty of big platforms for these people.
Did you see what they did in the new Sonic game?
What?
Dude, you're gonna lose your mind.
I'll Chris-chan the fuck out of you now.
You're gonna lose your mind.
If these arms aren't the right color?
No, no, you fucking, you're not gonna believe what they did to Sonic.
Oh, I believe it.
Yeah. Oh, it's not even amazing. Sonic. Oh, I believe it. Yeah.
Oh, it's not even amazing.
Yeah.
It's just about time.
Okay.
It's about long overdue.
I can't believe it.
Yeah, and by the way, he's not fast.
That's a colonial idea, that Sonic should be running fast.
Yeah, and he only runs fast when his mother throws a TV at him.
How about that for a deep cut? When he's running out of looting a P.F. Chang's
during the BLM times. Oh no, it was a Precious reference. Remember when she did that? Oh
no, I was adding a note. Oh, okay. But no, yes. Of course I know Precious. Of course.
You're kind of the man that put Precious on the map. One of the best specials, you know,
that's funny. I say that all the all the time. White Press is best special.
I agree.
Top five, definitely.
This gentleman, this gentleman.
I haven't seen, I haven't seen the new Attell,
but I hear it's very good.
Oh, dude, he may, he goes.
I don't have Netflix, so I can't watch it.
Well, he was doing these jokes in Austin.
He probably, they were new or whatever,
but he goes, he was talking about,
he was talking about, because Deliver,
the guy from Deliverance died with no teeth,
the actor. Something James Coward or something his name is. He goes, you know who that is?
He's from Deliverance. You guys are kind of young, but Deliverance was my Barbie. He
goes, I was in Oklahoma and I needed a root canal, but I couldn't get one because I was in Oklahoma.
You know?
He goes, and like, I don't know what the fuck he's talking
about, you know, every life is sacred.
You ever have a back alley root canal?
Yeah.
Dude, I tell you, new hotel special
when we got Jon Stewart back on The Daily Show.
The boys are back in town.
Well, it's, yeah, it's like, there's, it's, it's like.
Dude, I love the, cause Jon Stewart, at least like Col is a hell of a shell but John Stewart at least once in a while will acknowledge who hand lab leak
Was the how the virus have you watching the new Daily Show with John Stewart? I've made fun of it
He's hosting on Mondays. Yeah, right. You don't like it great like great. Hell. It's just what we use
Hello, it's good. Yeah fan of the Daily Show back there. No, but John I actually like you know
I actually liked them Colbert better me too
And I like here's why here's why but you mean the Colbert report not not
Yeah, whatever this but the reason was the because that the old Daily Show these I don't know who the guy is
But I've been at the Emmys with the right, you know, the older writers are there
There was this one guy who was like a crazy guy that knew everything, because I was like, who watches the news to get these clips?
And that guy went to the Colbert Report.
Yeah.
Okay?
So, but now,
so because I do Jimmy Dore show three times a week
and I have PTSD every single day from like the actual news.
From being raped by Jimmy Dore.
And also the constant rape.
Well, that I just look at it as like.
He's like, you gotta help,
oh my legs aren't working,
you gotta come help me with them, my back's acting up.
Just abusing you like a fat ass.
I'm not like one of these zoomer chips.
Kurt, come in here, my legs are acting up again.
Look, if I.
I need you to wash my penis with your mouth.
Look, if it was my idea to do it, I don't call it a rape.
That's bottom line.
I asked for it, I wanted it, I knew what I was doing.
Yeah, it's like a.
Okay. You're bottoming, you your topping from the bottom like because we're covering actual real news
Yeah
When I watch somebody like John Stewart
Who's like smart enough to know better than the dumb like bill maher doesn't know anything
Don't more and kid rock have the same knowledge of the world as Chelsea handler. Yeah, they're all smarter than De Niro De Niro
I'm not bill maher asking Robert De Niro
what he thinks about.
Yeah, but he's Robert De Niro.
Why, you know, it doesn't matter.
It's like if the guy from Being There,
remember Being There with Peter Sellers?
Yeah.
Imagine if that guy, Chauncey.
Chauncey Gardner.
If instead of just saying gardening terms
that you mistake as intelligent,
he actually did try to talk about real politics.
Yeah.
And it's Bill Maher's fault for talking to him, but Bill Maher doesn't know
shit about shit.
John Stewart, I already know from talking to people that work for him, so John Stewart,
he did that great kind of, he goes, we know it came from a lab, and Colby Maher got freaked
out.
Right.
John Stewart got punished for that in a big way.
That's why he had to hang a medal on a Nazi at Disney World.
What?
You don't know this.
No. Yeah, nobody knows anything. They made him hang a, well Disney World. What? You don't know this. No.
Yeah, nobody knows anything.
They made him hang a, well, yeah, I don't know.
Dude, it's the funniest.
All I said is that he's funny.
Yeah, he's just doing a new hour.
No, no.
All I said, the Daily Show is funny.
But the thing is.
He's good at that job.
It's not, it would be funny if he was talking
about anything that was real, but he won't.
So his jokes, dude, his fucking shit he said,
because when Tucker went to Russia,
which is, by the way, doing better than ever,
thanks to, great job everyone,
this fuckwit goes, oh, their subway's nicer?
Yeah, ours is urinal cakes, whatever,
but that's the price of freedom.
You didn't see that?
When Tucker went to Russia or John Stewart
or North Korea? Yeah, John Stewart criticizing him.
Tucker was being embarrassing though.
He was smelling the bread and saying how much better
the bread smelled.
Well, it's embarrassing because you live in a shit hole
called New York that's way worse than Russia.
I go to the best restaurants in the world.
Russia seems like it's fucking lame to me.
Yeah, it seems like it's black and white.
Dude, I gotta tell you, I don't give a fuck about Ukraine,
but also fuck Russia.
I'm not even saying this in a political sense.
I've never cared about any of them, but just so you know.
New York is a nice place.
Okay, look.
Here, look.
Let me explain real quick.
Okay.
I don't give a shit about any of them, okay?
Never gave a shit.
But literally every single thing, and especially John Stewart and the others that they talk
about going on there, is completely wrong and a lie.
I mean everything.
So, if you know that it's a fucking lie
and you're watching a guy you think is funny
and no shit, doesn't know anything,
and is gonna on purpose not learn anything on a news show,
it makes me go like fuck you, you understand?
So that's why it's not funny to me
because it's so like you're just.
What did he, what did John Stewart lie about though
with Ukraine?
He didn't lie, he was just making What did he, what did John Stewart lie about though with Ukraine? He didn't lie.
Maybe I, he was just making, showing clips from Tucker and making jokes.
By the way, like, Tucker...
I have no interest in defending.
I'm genuinely asking.
Dude, first of all, for these fucking cunts that live here to be mad that Tucker talked
to Putin, is Tucker not qualified to talk to Putin as I was?
I don't care about that.
I don't care.
Well, why do they care about it?
Do you have any idea why?
Because they're the bad guy, I think.
Because Tucker did something.
Tucker could interview the yellow M&M and they'd say, oh, how dare you talk to him?
He kills children sometimes. Yeah, well it's not just that. It's that though, for sure,
but also because... Why can't it be... I'll answer you if you let me. Go ahead. Okay.
I'll answer you if you let me. Go ahead.
Okay?
You know, I don't want to compare this to an Israeli invasion of something.
A Jew?
He thinks all conversation belongs to him.
No.
He thinks it's his birthright.
I was just asking.
We invented talking 2,000 years ago.
He thinks it's his birthright.
So why watch that?
We didn't know how to form, so we just wouldn't show up.
I watched the whole fucking Tucker interview with Putin.
I didn't watch it.
Okay, great.
So this is what a fuckwit, especially here in New York,
what a fuckwit country this is.
I watched people talk about, oh, Putin
starts going this long thing about history.
And I was like, yeah, of course that seems ridiculous.
Because listen to Kamala Harris describe what happened.
Well, basically a larger country went to a small country
and that's wrong.
That's a quote.
She said that?
Yeah, see exactly.
Okay.
So she's fucked up on pills all the time.
Oh, well that makes it okay
because she's the vice president and the Trump is the bad.
Because first of all, this is a country where,
I mean this, I mean this.
But being a victim of the opiate crisis
is the only ethical way to participate in American culture.
That's it.
So to have somebody in the office of the vice president
that's clearly just fucked up on Vicodin 24-7.
You think it's Vicodin?
I thought it was alcohol.
I think it's pills.
I was hooked on Oxycontin for four years.
30 milligrams, eight pills a day.
That's more though. That's more.
That's like serious drugs.
No, Kamala Harris is an idiot.
She can't do anything.
Yeah, just- Biden is dead,
but he speaks better than her.
When she starts talking, it sounds like they just told her,
like it's a comedy movie where she has to fake
she's the vice president.
You gotta talk about the situation, whatever.
So we're here at the place where we are
and doing the thing that we do.
Okay, thanks.
To me, that's awesome.
This is somebody that polled at what?
One percent.
One percent.
She failed.
She did worse than milk.
She polled at one percent.
But that's why.
And then fucking still gets to be the vice president
and then she's getting fucked up.
Why is she the vice president?
Because of forced diversity in gaming.
In gaming.
Yeah.
She's like a sweet baby character.
Grand Theft Auto, yeah, yeah.
But there's a certain level of people being incompetent
when I'm like, you know what, good for you.
But isn't that traditionally, besides Cheney,
like the vice president has to do those shit jobs, right?
The vice president, like Biden sent her to the border,
he's like, yeah, go fix that.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
Okay, well. It's kind of like like it's like mayor of New York.
No one ever likes the very obviously if you watch Biden
or even talk like, oh, the president is in charge of nothing.
The only reason Trump got in and this isn't a conspiracy,
it's in Hillary's emails
that that they said on TV, don't read them.
It's like looking at their revenge porn.
If you read her emails, if you didn't look at him, you're a fucking idiot.
Unless you don't care about that's fine. But yeah, if you care about
Why didn't you look at it? You should you don't want to know what's in there. Well, what's in there is the Pied Piper strategy They wanted Trump to run again. Nobody wanted to vote for Hillary
Okay, sure the kind of demented broads that freeze their eggs and live in New York. Yeah, we all know very spider women
Yeah, spider women that find her inspiring,
that kind of demented fucking slag.
So to force you, the big idea was to force people
to vote for Hillary because Trump is so objectionable.
Yeah, sure.
Okay, and it backfired big time.
And I remember watching people flip the fuck,
I was here when people couldn't believe. Jennifer Ebel was on Race Wars. Yeah, and I remember watching people flip the fuck and I was here when people couldn't believe Jennifer Ebones on race wars
Yeah, like election night. That was one of the were you with us? Oh, yeah
There's a chapter and people are like, can you not speak right now telling telling my guys they were not allowed to speak
Well said you know what that is funny
It was like there's this picture of like the French the day after the Nazis occupied France and they're just they're just like in Paris
And they're just like looking at the Nazi officers
like we have lost France.
But that was like-
Can we still fuck kids?
That was Brooklyn-
What if our friends gave like $50 to a homeless boy?
It was more than that, it was like $250.
It was insane.
No, he wasn't homeless.
He wasn't homeless.
Oh, he wasn't even homeless.
He wasn't homeless.
Our friend just gave hundreds of dollars to some black guy
because Trump won, on the street.
Yeah, and he was like, oh, okay.
And he took it and then he turned in the bar.
He's like, no, I'm not working tonight.
Yeah, so okay.
He was an employee of the bar.
Yeah.
I can't even call that smore-torted.
That is the original and still the best.
That night was the funniest night.
So that stupidity.
I kept looking around like a Felix clock.
I'm like, is this, are you guys serious?
You were smoking a cigarette outside.
I remember. So look, there's? You were smoking a cigarette outside. I remember.
So look, there's nothing dumber than a New York liberal.
And LA used to be the dumber place by a lot.
It's not anymore.
I'm just here to tell you, it's not.
And the reason New York is dumber is because you know,
Shots lifting.
Well, that's macro causing.
The reason is to live here, I lived here for 20 years,
you lived here a while. To survive here, you have to just not see things
in front of your face.
Like prison, if you want dry snitch
by even looking too much.
So just that way of living, long enough,
now this is the most demented, not looking at reality time
I've ever seen in New York ever.
Last night I'm sitting there with Che and those SNL people.
They're like uncomfortable talking about
the P. Diddy charges, okay?
They don't, we're talking about that bridge thing.
They don't know anything and it's inconvenient.
If you bring up a fact,
they gotta quick make a joke and stomp on it.
You're saying like people are just looking down
like when they see like someone jacking off on the subway
They're just like dude. It's like my old joke about where I was like, I'm gonna make eye contact. I was fisting his own asshole
Don't do that again. Um
Like
And you know like where the stairs are?
It's like a big rectangle.
I went to the end of the platform.
It was like 2 AM.
I go to the end of the platform,
and nobody's, it's almost completely empty, the platform.
I'm just walking, because I gotta wait 30 minutes for train.
I go to the end of the platform,
I get around where the stairs are,
and it's an unused stairwell.
And there's a homeless guy just completely naked.
But his clothes aren't like, he's just a nude guy.
Are they back in the tunnel?
I don't understand, where did you come from?
Yeah, I mean, you would almost call it,
it's like a classic,
I need your hat and your glasses and your shoes.
Give me your AVOX jacket and your shielded sweatpants.
So that's like a classic New York story, right?
Yeah.
Okay, but now that we're in the end times,
we're told of a ghostbusters,
and having not lived in New York for a while,
it makes me realize like,
okay, it was already crazy when I was living here,
but now the amount that people are in denial,
you're gonna, do you remember that one fucking,
that chick that looked like Pat Oswald screaming
that became a meme when Trump was?
Yeah, that was very funny.
Dude, wait till you see these fucking people,
because Trump, by the way,
unless they assassinate him, is gonna win.
There's no reason you should lose to Trump.
He was the candidate to force you,
but they suck so bad at what they do,
that it's now, we can have Bernie,
for people to not act like Biden,
but his age isn't, it's not his fucking age.
His brain doesn't fucking work.
Well that's what John, the first episode
of the New Daily Show.
He got in trouble for it.
He got in trouble for it, yeah.
So every time, so this is what I resent,
and I already know people who write for him.
My friend writes for Bill Maher,
and I get, because I'm dying to know,
are you stupid or lying?
Like I just want to know.
John Stewart got in trouble for the ceremony. It was the
Warrior Games held at Disney World and different veterans of things and a brave
Ukrainian fighter from the Azov Battalion happened to be in the Warrior Games.
Oh, that's the Nazi.
Why do we keep bringing these guys over here?
Warrior games. Oh, that's the Nazi.
Why do we keep bringing these guys over here?
Because Operation Paperclip never ended.
So the guys, so this isn't like a Nazi
like you are for your trolling.
This is a literal Nazi.
Okay, this is a literal Nazi with the black
son of Himmler's SS on his own.
So he's wearing a-
Walmart logo.
Black, black-
He's wearing a red sleeve to cover the Nazi tattoo
when John Stewart, Mickey Mouse is standing there.
John Stewart comes and puts the medal on him.
And that's like my favorite.
And that should be one of the biggest stories.
That's your moment of zen.
That's your moment of zen.
I wish I thought of that at the time
of what I will be saying.
That's why he's the king this guy.
That's your moment of zen.
That's your moment of zen.
And so like.
What I mean is why do we keep like it's.
Why do we keep doing that?
If somebody was like.
Because you live in the fourth Reich.
We want you to do a, yeah but I mean the optics
of inviting a Ukrainian fighter over here
considering how like muddled that issue is.
It's stupid, it's stupid.
If you're invited to a event and say
you're gonna put a medal on a guy who's part of the,
I mean Azov battalion.
The ADL.
I wondered how that could be as well.
Just don't risk it.
The piece of shit from the ADL announced, oh, yeah, they used to be Nazis,
but they're good now.
The Azovs.
Yeah. Well, it's not just Azovs.
It's the most the people who like Stepan Bandera.
That's their Nazi George Washington.
Who's that?
The hero of Western Ukraine, the non-Russian speaking part.
He's also Nazi.
Yes, they were responsible for the bullet holocaust of that guy, Yuriy Slavhunko.
The bullet holocaust is where the Ukrainian Nazis killed so many Poles and Jews by making
them dig their grave and kill them.
They were stoned.
They horrified Goebbels.
He goes, we got to get gas and do it humanely.
That's how disgusting these people are.
It's not every, like, it's not everyone in Ukraine,
obviously, but all the people we weapons to.
There were guys that are like, oh, sick.
So they're like Al Qaeda.
You know how we armed all the terrorists that we armed them
and created jobs, I guess you could say.
That's my favorite.
My favorite.
Stuart and Hagar are Ukrainian. If you scroll up, look at this part. This is my favorite. Look at. Stuart and a Pentagon honor Ukrainian.
If you scroll up, look at this part.
This is my favorite.
Look at the real, he's in the hospital.
Look at him like a make a wish kid,
if the kid was a Nazi.
Oh yeah, he does have the tattoo on.
He's like, oh I know.
Look how great that is.
Mickey Mouse.
Oh no, I love the Mickey Mouse.
So when the worst, when people were like,
we gotta go help Ukraine, like Peace Corps people.
Yeah, yeah.
Black people that get a pamph people, black people that went,
they get a pamphlet, just so you know,
they're gonna be using the N-word a lot at you,
and not like with an A on the end,
like you guys are boys, like get the fuck away from you,
don't touch, don't get that on my kid.
It's such a hilarious joke.
Well, the first thing everyone was told
is that their president was John Stewart and also a Jew.
When the war started they were like, they have a comedian and he's the daily show president.
That's why you know John Stewart's fucking phony piece of shit.
But anyway, people would say that to me.
But John Stewart wasn't going around saying that.
He wasn't like, this guy's me.
Yeah, yeah.
No, but John Stewart was going around acting like this is not, we didn't waste all $300 billion that we gave to Nazis
who then, and the weapons, only 30% of them got there,
according to CBS.
They had to pull it down
because they were gonna keep it down right now.
And then all of a sudden those weapons go through Africa.
Oh, and they go to the Houthis.
And so morons here will go, oh Russia and Iran,
no it wasn't Russia and Iran, it was your own dumb fuckwit.
So Stuart should know this, he should be on top of it
as a guy that talks about news.
What do the Houthis have, hypersonic missiles?
They have stuff that we sent to Ukraine,
that Ukraine sold off most of it
because it's the most corrupt country in Europe.
It's their fault the war started,
we made them do it though.
Zelensky, when I bring this up, I have a dim wit go,
but Zelensky's Jewish.
And a comedian.
Oh yeah. The Daily Show.
How silly, he's Jewish.
Obviously they're not, Will Smith can't be gay, he's married.
He's gay?
He's gay.
But like nobody knows what a beard is.
He's a Jewish beard for the Nazis there.
And by the way, the war's gone.
The average age of the infantry is 50 years old.
They've been grabbing people,
retarded people off the streets.
You can see the video, we cover it.
Really?
If you're a guy who's got a deferment or whatever,
a van comes from the movie Hostel.
So that's why this guy likes making mouths so much.
Yeah, thinking about that.
Well, he likes making mouths.
It was Walt Disney's dream for a Jew to give a Nazi a medal at Disney guy likes making mouth so much. Yeah, thinking about that. Well, he likes making mouth, it was Walt Disney's dream for a Jew
to give a Nazi a medal at Disney World
while making mouth proudly.
He would love it.
It was Walt's.
So in that way is good.
Walt Disney's final dream.
If this guy's mentally disabled,
I mean, can you really say he's like a Nazi?
So then we covered John Stewart interviewing
Hilary and Condoleezza Rice.
And I know for a fact.
Oh, I remember this one, yeah.
Yeah, he didn't wanna do that,
but I think it's his penance.
You know, once they give you the 50 million,
there's a reason Chappelle ran to Africa.
When you get the 50 million,
they don't tell you what you gotta say,
but you're gonna do your best to not touch anything.
Like, when I went on Guffel last time,
I had an LGBTQ CIA shirt that a fan made.
And everybody was weird.
He's like, what is that?
And I go, this stands for Confident, Intelligent,
Azov Battalion, okay?
And he didn't draw attention,
they didn't tell me I can't wear whatever.
The pageant contestant that was sitting next to me,
she goes, oh my God, that's so funny.
My boyfriend's in the CIA and they're so woke.
So she got the joke. The rest of them were like, hey, it, that's so funny. My boyfriend's in the CIA and they're so woke. So she got the joke.
The rest of them were like,
hey, it was after Tucker got fired.
Tucker was fired for doing good work.
If he was still doing the work that dipshits
like Jon Stewart think he's doing, he'd be at Fox.
I didn't think he got fired just because
they were spending too much money on him
and they thought they could pivot.
No, I know why he did.
It's not for that.
That's what I'm saying.
This is like New York stupid.
Don't you think he just, no,
you live in a shit hole and you know nothing.
Then what did he get fired for?
For telling the truth about Ukraine.
What did he say about Ukraine
that wasn't represented on other shows on Fox News?
They're losing, they're Nazis,
we shouldn't send them any money.
Every single thing that's true about Ukraine,
you're not supposed to say, especially on Fox News.
Also, anything with vaccine related,
brought to you by Pfizer commercials, so that's why.
And the reason, I didn't know this,
the reason that the drugs advertise on TV here,
because there's like an old joke of like,
shouldn't the doctors tell you?
And no other country does that.
Well, the reason for that,
which I found out from Dr. Drew when he came on, is so that the news channels
know not to investigate them ever.
Just like on anybody.
Like you're out there.
If you know some bad shit about the snack service,
you're not gonna sell.
They're paying for that.
And so that's the whole system is run on that.
There is literally no, like you joking about,
yeah, it's funny, yeah, you're right.
But there's people here that think it's real still,
and they think it's real to the point
that they're going to be brokenhearted,
and they're not going to be able to figure out, again,
how Trump won.
Trump should never have won.
You haven't figured out why he won?
Because these people are Hamas, basically.
Who is Hamas?
They're deplorable.
When Palestinians forced, they made them vote,
they didn't even want to vote, they vote for Hamas,
is you'll put them in a concentration camp
as a punishment for voting wrong.
Here in America, I didn't vote,
but all these people made the wrong choice.
They are Hamas, and they've been getting punished.
That's why Star Wars was ruined.
My theory is they're like,
oh, you wanted a Star Wars you like?
Well, we wanted Hillary to be president,
and we had our expectations subverted.
So I guess everybody's getting their expectations.
When was Star Wars ruined?
Because in my perception, Star Wars is all of its gay.
No, no, no, Andor is really good.
It was always gay.
Yeah, right.
No, no, no, it was always as well.
You should see Andor, the new one, it's very good.
They were like, hey, you want some coffee?
I'm like, I'm out.
What's the name of it?
You have coffee?
Fuck you.
No, it was always gay.
It was always dune for less intelligent people
and children.
Did you see the new one?
No, I'm going to.
I saw it.
I saw it on Sunday.
Yeah.
It was fire.
Yeah, and so Luke Skywalker had already been deconstructed
before he was even invented yet by the guy that wrote Dune.
But there's no messiah figure.
It's not what you, that was already done more intelligently.
George Lucas like, let's be charitable and say he Tarantinoed the shit out of it.
Yeah, Frank Herbert.
And so like, but the, and, and George Lucas, the prequels are his low T years, so
they suck.
We like them.
Well, yeah, like- The prequels are actually kind of.
We like the prequels.
They're better when some nerd is explaining them to me
than actually watching them.
But the new ones were deliberately made.
Oh, those suck.
Deliberately because they wanna destroy the things
they think white males feel empowered by,
and they did it intentionally,
and that's why everything's like a,
and now it's so grotesque.
I was like, a woman comes in and tells a guy to shut up then beat some up like those all the movies
I watched one of them. I think it was the first one of the new ones and it's like
There is absolutely not a single scene in that movie where you can sit there and be like, oh, okay
Well, here's what's gonna happen next and then the next scene. It's like I know I fell asleep
It's mostly exactly what you would expect out of yeah, it's like written by a computer. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, it was written by JJ AbrJ. Abrams' Shit Factory.
And then the next one was the guy...
The guy who made Glass Onion.
What's his name? Ryan Johnson.
The Ryan Johnson one, where they had to put...
I think an Asian broad is actually attractive in real life.
Have you ever seen Brick?
I like Brick.
Brick's great.
I thought it would be good because I like Brick.
Here's another one that I like. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang? No, Brick... Isick's great. I thought it would be good because I like Brick. Yeah.
Here's another one that I like.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?
No, Brick, I.
Is he Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?
No, he's Brick, Looper.
Oh, Looper is good.
Is decent, but Brick was like, I really like Brick.
And, but he's.
Looper I'm confused with, there's another movie
that's like a.
Loopa!
Super low budget sci-fi movie
that two guys had invented cloning machines.
Yeah, that the.
A time machine or cloning machine?
No, no, no.
Oh, not the time machine.
No, they're cloning themselves from going in the box
and coming out.
And they have a storage...
It's time machine.
Yeah, that's a good movie.
It's that guy, he was from Austin, right?
That's actually, yeah.
It's not cloning, it's because they keep going back
in time and fucking...
Yeah, but there's two of them,
because they see themselves...
And then they're knocking themselves out and shit.
Yeah, that's a good movie.
That movie's so good.
Yeah, that movie's great.
I like the one.
Like a huge looper.
Why didn't that guy like work after that?
He made two good movies.
Take a wild guess.
White's male, Israel.
He was dead man's name, John Stewart.
John Stewart?
So I used to think, Trevor,
I thought this is my cynical,
I get a little cynical, you know.
Yeah. I used to think, Trevor, I thought, this is my cynical, I get a little cynical, you know? I used to think John Stewart purposely picked Trevor Noah
to like cut that whore's face
so no one could have her again the way he did the show.
You know, he'll never be better than John Stewart
because of Trevor Noah.
I said that to a tell.
I was like, oh, that's some like,
what he did. That's a power play.
And the tell goes, no.
He just was like, you know, he's a liberal guy
and he really genuinely wants,
and I'm like, why did he pick a black guy from America? Why is he picking? Yeah, because he's a society fucking
That's why James Corden made it over here because rich people go out. It's same as Roman Empire
They all like countries that aren't their country
They hate the people in their country and they're like there's plenty of black dude a black guy
Just got a prison probably knows more about politics and John Stewart because I locked down and read
And Trevor Noah, they put him in prison?
Trevor Noah is the smartest guy in the dumbest room.
Which I can't tell you.
I think he's pretty smart.
He's all right.
I think he's a funny comic too.
You think Trevor Noah's a funny comic?
Before the Daily Show, I've done that.
That's what I'm talking about.
I saw him at shows.
Yeah, I think in New York he's been pretty funny.
The problem with him on the Daily Show,
it's like, I mean, I've said it before,
but it's like if you put me on a politics show in France,
I mean, I'm sure I'll take the fucking money.
Well, that's a major, dude, that is first and foremost,
number one, was he just taking jobs Americans don't want?
What the fuck?
Like, why are you telling me anything about here, man?
Like, get the fuck out.
I would never dream of going to someone's country
and lecturing them. It might be fun. That would be hilarious. Honestly, now I think about it, if I could go on a politics show someone's country and lecturing them.
It might be fun.
That would be hilarious.
Honestly, now I think that if I can go on a politician trip,
I'd be like, this country fucking stinks.
Yeah, you guys are gay.
I was like, jeez, dog shit everywhere.
Look, nevermind, John Stewart stinks.
What my favorite, I'm emotionally attached to this.
The conspiracy of Macron in France and his wife is a man.
You know what I'm saying?
Well his wife is his.
This is every politician.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this is why this is great.
They said Michelle Obama was a man too, right?
I don't believe it, but this is why this one's great.
Yeah.
So because.
It was his teacher, right?
They were always looking for the penis in the pictures?
Yes, no, because they're always looking for the penis.
Wait, wait, wait.
Check this out.
Yeah, okay, but no, I know.
This one, why this one's special to me is like they sued
and they're like, oh oh these terrible conspiracies.
Their real story is she was a 40 something year old teacher, like Mary Kay Letourneau, who raped a boy
according to American standards. They say 15, but he was 14 and she was way older, but they lot that's what the conspiracy is lying about their
ages and
then so Mary Kay Letourneau, imagine they became the rulers of France after you rape a student,
he becomes president of France and you're the president.
That'd be pretty cool.
So the thing that they're worried about is like,
oh, hey, don't say crazy things about our
perfectly normal relationship.
Like, if she was trans, that's probably the best thing
about them.
Right, yeah.
That's my favorite part, dude, is like, not the fucking...
But it's pretty pimp that he fucked his teacher.
I mean, we all wanted that, right?
Yeah, she's a man.
No, oh, but now she's...
You know, she's a man.
No, it's just not his pimp.
Also, he's 14.
Even by French standards, that's a bit younger.
14? No, 14 is a bit old.
By French standards, yeah.
How about you do redo it right here?
He's over there.
My girlfriend goes, well, it's France.
I go, what?
Like, is that where they give the children wine?
Well, I mean, that's where they, like Woody Allen and,
Roman Polanski are big heroes.
Cause they get it out there.
But Woody Allen, I don't think that he's a pedophile at all
because he's still married to the fucking Asian.
We had a big fight, I remember,
in the Schumer writer's room because Amy made fun. You're not a pedophile if you knew it once and it's to the, you marry the child. He's had a big fight, I remember, in the Schumer Writers Room because Amy made friends.
You're not a pedophile if you do it once
and it's to the Amy marrying the child.
He's not a pedophile at all.
It was legal for him to have sex with her once.
She was over it.
I heard the story.
She was over it.
It's like you're accusing people of being a pedophile.
But look, look, you joke, you joke and it's funny,
but that literally describes everyone in New York
talking about anything.
I don't really know what I'm talking about
I'm gonna confidently say something and I'm gonna get uncomfortable if you tell me what the actual thing is
I'm not targeting you I'm telling you people that work on new shows like at the Daily Show or Bill Maher
If I can't believe how stupid they are and they're they're stupid on purpose
Yeah, it like if you bring up, you know, like Haiti, for example
Like they're all gleefully tell you all the cannibalism. I think all these BLM motherfuckers that were like, oh black lives matter
Well, I guess in Haiti they don't huh?
Because it's totally cool be racist at them because the Clinton Foundation fucked their lives up after what happened in Haiti
Oh that earthquake and that's our that's our guys
So here's some fun facts that I blow my mind.
A good piece of history.
They had a democratic revolution, right?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
They got Tucson, Louisville, Cher.
Wait, hold on.
So the only successful slave revolt in human history.
Right, yeah, yeah.
And they had to pay reparations to France
for not being slaves,
and they had to pay those reparations until 1985
Goddamn and Chase Bank is the one who mediated that thing got a nice thing. That's crazy. Chase Bank that won't work with Kanye West
Facilitated reparations for slavery for not being slaves
They don't like buy their freedom. You mean yes, and so sleigh wait, this is the best part
We've been fucking them, you know,
because I was like, well, what do they have, oil or something?
Oh, they got all kinds of, they got rare earth elements.
Also, we use them for labor.
You know how China and the Chen Guigas are being,
well, all of our companies, Disney night,
they have Haitian slave labor.
In fact, the last time we invaded Haiti,
when Hillary was in charge,
it was because they were protesting to get a 37 cent raise on their piddly thing and Levi's and all them were like we can't
Have that you hear oh, you know Hades a shithole. Well, we make it that way on purpose
It's America's fault. Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, it's fuck
I mean Gaza's bad what we and we're gonna get Kenya invade them now. And everything you hear about it's a lie.
To invade Haiti?
Yeah, this happens all the time.
Or Gaza.
It's gonna be a difficult war to fight out.
Kenya versus Haiti?
Well, it's better than us having to do it.
They have different uniforms.
Okay, yeah.
No, it's optics.
You gotta get black people to go.
I swear to God, when people talk about Ukraine, this is how a smart person talks about it.
You know, someone I should think is good. I swear to God, when people talk about Ukraine, this is how a smart person talks about it.
Someone I should think is good.
They go, well, we need to weaken Russia.
No idea why, by the way, but we need to weaken Russia.
By the way, we didn't, better than ever now.
Great job.
We need to weaken Russia, and we don't have to fight,
because we lost those last two and just don't talk about it.
And our old weapons, we can just give them to fight,
and it'll weaken Russia. Can you make a a reason though that it's stuck that way because like the apparatus
of foreign policy is this large kind of massive thing that doesn't move and it can't ever
really deal with the idea of multipolarity?
Like there's never going to be any kind of foreign policy.
Yes, you can't taper off a Ponzi scheme.
You gotta keep it going to absurd,
I'm told that.
It also doesn't, they just like.
It has to be the enemy because our entire infrastructure
is like based around the idea,
our foreign policy infrastructure is based around the idea
of being just one big superpower.
That's exactly right.
And two.
So it's like, well of course, yeah, we have to.
By the way, Rosebud Baker was there last night,
and I go, your grandfather was James Baker?
Because I had heard that.
This is the irony of somebody on SNL.
Same tits, by the way.
Yeah, true.
Her grandfather was the guy that promised Russia
we weren't going to expand NATO.
I meant to ask her.
I bet Paul would have fallen over the table.
Your grandfather was the one who promised Russia.
No, she's cool about that shit.
I want to ask her.
Then ask her.
No, but not because she's not cool,
because talking about the truth about Ukraine or something is a big no-no.
And even if they don't know anything about it,
they don't even want to talk about the P. Diddy thing that is hilarious.
Well, that's crazy, especially for comedians.
To talk about P. Diddy?
No, to not want to talk about that.
That's what I'm talking about.
Ukraine isn't that funny, but P. Diddy, that's insane.
But the P. Diddy thing, it's almost like it's too rich in terms of comedic.
Yeah, it's hack already.
It's not hack, but it is something where it's like, I don't know if I can eat another Reese's egg.
My stomach hurts.
That's not why they're not talking about it.
It's too comedically rich. You know how I know it's not why
Dude we made on the diver show you the talk down that news show where it's
celebrity news, but celebrities telling you the news
with sly and Curb,
and they solved the Middle Earth.
Did I show that?
And so Kyle was flighty with ideas,
but the next one, we recorded it.
It was Bill Gates,
because he does Bill Gates.
Is Bill Gates so creepy?
And Worm Buffet, and Sly,
you know, it's a celebrity pretending he's a newsman.
And he goes, well, the talk down round table crossfire.
And he had Bill Gates, he just took money from the bill and his ex-wife Melinda Gates
foundation yeah and I was like I don't know if you should know what you can't
be objective so he has Bill Gates on Warren Buffett and they both start
sexually harassing me and so this is a while ago and it was like hey Kurt you
like you want come a flavor camp they keep trying to take me to flavor camp so
nobody was saying so Kyle because like everyone else,
he doesn't know anything about the news.
He's like fucking genius to write jokes.
Yeah, I feel like I don't know anything either.
No, but okay, it makes you a crazy person to know something.
It makes you a crazy person.
Kind of, yeah.
Because that's how fucking retarded America is.
You're more propagandized than North Korea.
And you have a North Korea in your pocket
that's spying on you all day.
But North Korea, they're losers
because they do it the old fashioned way.
Like listening through the wall with a fucking thing.
Like, it's already, whatever the fascist thing you hear
from these fucking imbeciles,
we're gonna lose our democracy if Trump wins.
Don't you think we should though?
We lost it 20 years ago. I know but like-
Guantanamo is still open.
Yeah, people don't vote anymore.
I mean even on an ascetic level.
Let's say democracy only exists as like an illusion.
It does.
Don't you think we should also have that taken away?
It is.
But no it's not because we still ostensibly have an election.
They just tried to take Trump off the ballot and like, now that didn't succeed.
This has become a road runner cartoon now,
which I am so entertained by,
because all these fucking dipshit liberals,
they're like, order their shit from ACME all the time,
I guess, and they can't believe it.
Rocket roller skates.
Yeah, they can't believe it.
And then as the obvious,
that everything's a lie that you think,
which is what you should have guessed,
but all the poor people know, they all know,
and you're gonna watch them get more and more,
like Bill Maher is my favorite, Bill Maher can't believe it.
Oh, John Stewart, that dumb fuck.
He's talking about that non-crime
that they convicted Trump of with his
fucking inflating the value of his Mar-a-Lago,
that TSA bitch that they got as DA, and that child-fucking-malester-looking
judge.
I don't know the news anymore.
So John Stewart is sitting here, a guy that knows stuff with a straight face, talking
about the rule of law, for a thing that, by the way, he didn't inflate it, number one.
Even if he did, that's how all the real estate works, so it's not a crime. The bank investigated
his claims when he said the value.
They were happy with it.
They made a lot of money and they would work with him again.
So there's literally, this is some Al Capone shit.
I hope at least people are aware of that.
No, John Stewart.
Well, rule of law.
So then it comes out the next day
that John Stewart inflated the price
of his apartment to sell it.
Oh yeah, I saw this.
Because that's, by the way, how New York real estate works,
you fucking retard.
All real estate, yeah.
Yes, so Kevin Leary from Shark Tank is on CNN.
Now, the reporter he's talking to is a lawyer,
and this bitch isn't stupid, she knows better.
So she's just a liar.
But he goes, I'm not gonna do business in New York
ever the fuck again.
Kathy Hochul, that horse tooth governor,
looks like she's doing an impression of Mickey Rooney
from Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I'm pretty sure that just is Andrew Cuomo.
Who?
Kathy Hokel. I think that's Andrew.
The one that goes, oh well.
I think that's just Andrew.
Kathy Hokel goes, guys.
I think Andrew Cuomo just put a wig on.
So she tweets.
It's me, I'm a different person.
No, he would never. She's a, he's smarter than her.
He's a friend of the show, also another friend of the show.
Andrew Cuomo's better than her.
She's a fucking dumb bitch.
So fucking, she's tweeting, don't work,
like she's trying to make a tweet of like,
yes, this looks really, like somebody who is in business,
if you're going to another country to invest,
and they pull shit like this, you don't invest there.
So she's panicked going, oh, like basically,
we're just doing this one time for this one guy,
so you don't have to worry. She put it on tweets like that and business people money is the thing that matters
They're not gonna take the word of a dipshit bucktoothed governor
You're now a third-world fucking city that it's not safe to invest in which by the way good the reason rent
So high is because goddamn foreign investors bought up all the real estate
Tim don't explain it to me, I didn't even know.
Yeah. People weren't even living in the-
It was Russia and then it was the Chinese and now-
It's all of them.
Well, it was initially Russia and then the Chinese
and then the Gulf guys.
Yeah, so every stupid fucking Democrat
that you watch like Jon Stewart,
they're all neoliberal, which is a neocon,
but with wokeness.
They're all like, can't believe that,
because things are going fine for them.
So they can't believe, and Bill Maher's my favorite
because I just watch it, every new rules is fucking dumber
and dumber than the last one.
And he goes, there's plenty of jobs
but people don't wanna work.
Like these young people think they don't have to work.
No, Bill, it's called ghost, it's called ghost jobs.
It's not, it's not like ghost guns.
After the pandemic, it's an easy thing to look at.
It's not hidden information.
After the pandemic, companies started putting
fake job listings out because their employees
are overworked.
They tell them, no, we got people coming.
That's one reason.
Then you have what they call a warm talent pool.
So you have all these resumes. So when your employees get sick, you know, like Amazon, that's one reason. Then you have what they call a warm talent pool. So you have all these resumes.
So when your employees get sick, you know,
like Amazon, they cycle you out.
And then the main reason is it inflates the price
of the stock to go, well, we have to hire people.
We can't even find people.
All the jobs, all the numbers are fake.
So you watch, I watch idiots go, the economy's great.
Why isn't the term Bidenomics working? Well, because you have to be a fucking rich idiot to think that the economy's great. Why isn't the term Bidenomics working?
Well, because you have to be a fucking rich idiot
to think that the economy's great,
but it's the Depression.
It's, in fact, in LA, you ever see pictures of the Depression
where the people are outside of tin shack?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it doesn't look as good as that.
It doesn't look as good.
It looks like Calcutta.
Unemployment's probably about 25% or higher in real numbers.
They've been faking the numbers.
Now, people, you shouldn't have to look this up
to know that's true.
I don't know how people,
but because this is a city you live in
where you just don't see things to get by,
it lends itself to pretending to never seeing reality.
And that's why all these dumb girls that you know
that you probably have to deal with,
that sex in the city ruined a generation of them.
We love them.
We only hang out with each other.
I don't, there's nobody else in my life.
You said you were getting pussy.
We get pussy, but we don't talk to each other.
We get, dude.
We get pussy.
We get pussy.
We get pussy.
We get pussy.
We get pussy.
Oh, I gotta go do Gutfeld and like.
I love this, dude.
Usually we don't go this long. I know. And then, but knowing that this. But I skipped out on Gutfeld and like. I love this, usually we don't go this long.
I know.
But I skipped out on Ian's fucking thing.
I feel like I haven't even had to work today.
Knowing that this prevented Ian
from getting a podcast episode out,
I couldn't feel like that.
Let's give it up.
Okay, so just prediction so you know,
I can't imagine, it's getting very desperate now.
So there's gonna be a lot more censorship
on the meta-owned platforms.
There's gonna be like on X, Elon,
because even billionaires don't know anything.
Yeah, I told you I'm off.
There's a third party app I use to scrape everything.
I can't look at it.
So I can't, I had no access to it.
That's what I went, look, I was going through that
for fucking after, I don't know if you remember
the whole media tried to ruin my life.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
It turns out that means you love rape
if you say maybe there should be due process
and not social media court of the dumbest shit
she'll ever learn.
Charlie Rose got his, it was all worth it for Charlie Rose.
I deeply enjoyed it.
But then after that, so I'll never have a guild job
ever again, no I'm not complaining at all.
I'm so happy, I would never wanna have to write
for the fucking daily,
any of this shit.
When I saw how stupid,
and Mike Shea, like I think that guy's fucking
a great comic, okay?
Yeah.
That makes me sad to see,
they used to call it the golden handcuffs,
where like, oh, you don't read.
You're a smart guy.
All of you are smart and don't read on purpose
because how's that gonna help your career? The same as like the third rail of American politics
which I have never, why would I ever look into that? I dated an Israeli girl for ten
years. I know I don't want to be involved in sword nose issues right? I know
fucking that no good could come of it. I assume it's so complicated. Yeah. Right? But
now the beautiful things happening because it's so brutal what they're doing over there
And you can't and we've had wokeness for ten years
We've had wokeness for what ten years and Israel has there in 1984 in their head forever
So what happens is the Israeli they stop spending money on it?
They saw the writing of the wall in 2014 and there's no has bar money for social media anymore
That's why all this stuff all the propaganda that comes out from Israel directed at the internet,
it all specifically sounds like a seamless ad from 10 years ago.
And it's because they just stopped investing in it. That's very interesting.
10 years ago they realized the writing's on the wall, like we're not going to win young people anymore.
We're not even going to outreach to young Jews. In fact, we're going to go fully
hard on Christian evangelicals,
which is their base in America.
That's very interesting.
I didn't know that.
Well, that's the school.
OK, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, hold on.
Hold on.
That's part of it.
That's actually a chunk that was missing in your gaming.
So the TikTok ban, which is specifically my favorite.
I saw this on Rogan where you showed the thing.
That's because of Matt Wright.
No, it's.
They're trying to bring a young brother down.
All right, let me just.
I'm going to forget. I'm let me just, I'm gonna forget.
I'm gonna forget what I'm talking about.
So here's the thing, the reason people have just now,
I didn't know anything about Israel,
what one Jew, Norman Finkelstein, told me.
I explained it in a way.
We had him on the show.
I love that fucking guy, I love him.
Kirk, did you talk to him?
Yeah.
Dude, I can't, I've got a lot of people.
I wish I would.
Dude, he destroyed that.
Kirk, let me explain something to you.
And he did, and he did.
Wait, so.
I didn't know that he.
Hold on, hold on.
Wait a second, wait a second.
He's Jewish though?
Wait a second.
Yes, Finkelstein.
Yeah.
Are you fucking with him?
He's fucking with me.
I didn't think he was.
His parents went to Auschwitz.
I don't know.
We had him on our show, you interviewed him.
We had him.
He's a self-hating Jew.
You mean all the Jews I've ever met in America?
Yeah. Anyway, he goes-
What's the point of being Jewish?
So TikTok, here's what happens.
So all the kids are the biggest queefy
fucking pride flag generation in history.
When you see Israeli officials,
the only reason I know it's crimes is because the Israel,
that thing makes sense now.
Israeli officials would show up on American news
and English and British news. And they're like somebody's embarrassing immigrant parent that
doesn't know not to say the F slur and shit like yeah and so they so here's how
naive I am I'm on Jimmy Showman. The next story that's coming up is a Israeli
ambassador to UK, Dresden. So what I think it's gonna be if she goes how dare you
compare what we're doing to Dresden? We're defending our country.
No, she comes on to go, you know Dresden?
We have to do Dresden.
The fire bombing?
The thing that's a deliberate crime.
People wouldn't care about it if it weren't for Kurt Vonnegut.
I wouldn't know about it if it's not for Kurt Vonnegut.
It's true.
But, but.
Everyone knows Hiroshima.
They say that too.
They say that, remember Hiroshima?
Nagasaki, we got it.
First of all, we did that at the end of the war.
We didn't do it in the first two weeks.
Also, atomic bombs were new.
What are we gonna not try them?
Yeah, who are we gonna try them on?
A test drive.
We thought it was safe
because they kind of had their eyes closed already.
It was science.
I would be mad, I would be more mad to live in a world
if he told me we invented the sickest bomb of all time and we didn't at least try it. It was science. I would be mad
Do you know why we did that by the way, you know, they warned they dropped warnings on them
No, they didn't we didn't have to do it. Even the first one they did it to show Russia a finger, too
First they want to test the altitude how it would work
Because we already did dress. They might not kill more Then the second one was to let good old Uncle Joe know
America's got this bomb, and it worked so well
that the Soviets had the same bomb within a couple years.
It was such a great plan.
Well, they had a guy at Los Alamos the entire time.
They had a spy there, they just fucking,
I mean, that's why I rushed into the bomb.
By the way, good, I-
I'm like, we're not gonna get any scientists
to figure this out.
We'll just put a spy in their firm.
No, they actually.
They'll spend any of the money.
They just fucking.
Well, that was for that.
But as a matter of fact, no, they had,
because they treated their German scientists
that they were able to get,
they treated them like scumbags that they were.
And we put them on the Disney Channel.
We brought them in here and put them on Disney. They're buried in Arlington. There's a Nazi movie about a little boy from West Virginia who idolizes a Nazi.
Yeah yeah so funny so like everybody knows oh we wanted the scientists where the commies get them right?
It wasn't just the scientists we brought terrorists over too so they could go terrorize
socialist countries, which by the way, by socialist,
they just had health care.
Was Paperclip negotiated at Potsdam?
Is that where that happened?
Was that?
I don't know.
Okay.
I just know that they did it.
Yeah.
So there's a, like Karen, where her hometown, Elkins Park,
there's a fucking Ukrainian Nazi monument
that people were recently,
I don't know if she's aware, she probably has no idea.
But.
The PA?
Yeah, because there's a lot of Ukrainians there.
Remember the deer hunter?
Yeah, but that's Western PA.
I know, but there's Ukraine.
After the war, we brought tons of Nazis here.
The bitch Trudeau's side vice,
whatever they call their stupid government,
that bitch is friends.
The reason they had that old Nazis
because her family's friends,
they're called Banderaites.
They're the ones that made it illegal
to speak Russian, Yiddish, Armenian
before the war that was America.
So they have Al Qaeda terrorists that are Nazis
that we armed.
We wanted Russia to invade. we wanted them to do that.
That's why we kept provoking them
by bombing the Donbass region.
Half the country speaks Russian.
So they signed the Minsk agreement.
It's already come out, they said, yeah, we just signed it,
but we built up arms because we knew we couldn't trust Putin.
There's always, we knew we couldn't trust Putin,
so we broke the deal first. Well, it sounds like you couldn't trust Putin. There's always, we knew we couldn't trust Putin, so we broke the deal first.
Well, it sounds like you can't trust you.
Well, it sounds like, I mean,
the most logical thing in my mind
is that we just ended the Afghanistan war,
but we needed to still sell weapons, right?
This isn't a Jew joke, you're right is what I'm saying.
What do you mean by this?
I'm not making an assymetic nose joke.
What do you mean by your nose is pretty much the biggest one?
Bingo, I'm saying bingo.
Bingo steam.
Your nose nose pretty much
I know that's why I have to back Jews to a certain degree because if the roundups happen, I'm going
They're gonna put Woody Allen glasses on my face and measure my eyebrows to nose ratio
Your name sounds like if I thought of glasses I become very out of
Yeah, yeah, you're getting a secret annex?
No, Nick.
You put him in the attic and tell him he has to be quiet, but he doesn't have to be?
Oh, come on.
Just be quiet.
No, there's no Nazis.
I just don't like noise.
No, Nick, you could do like a construction project.
It'd be nice for you.
You could bake up a huge light bulb in the back of a...
And you could change the colors?
A full-size American sedan trunk.
This comic, Hugh Fink, I think his name's Hugh Fink, he was telling me that he knew a guy who knew and Frank
from the days
No, no, wait, no, it's a famous person and there's a story goes
I swear God I'm getting this on he goes he goes I came over the name of the guy
It's a famous guy and the guy said to you think is you know I knew Anne Frank, she wasn't a very nice person.
And Hugh Vang's like, dude, I mean you won, let it go.
Well she got hers.
That's a funny ass story.
But anyway, do you see the thing of you're like,
here's how New York trains you to think,
is someone's telling a story, I'm not saying everybody does this.
I do it, but you gotta anticipate where they're going
and jump in and do a thing.
Not, I don't mean a joke, I mean a thing of like,
oh, I know where this argument's going.
And that's how everybody thinks nonstop
and in other places, because they're-
You're saying this is only New York people do this?
It's a certain specific city liberal,
but here's the difference why.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
LA, because LA is a shithole, don't get me wrong.
But because it's such a driving place,
this is like everybody lives on top of each other,
where you have to deliberately ignore shit
and noises and whatever,
and that's how I think it got to that.
My impression of LA is that people have gotten very good
at waiting for their turn to speak.
So that's maybe you're just interpreting that.
They're not listening to a word you're saying.
It could be.
If somebody's preempting an argument, then they're at least engaging with you.
And you're going to say they're never right?
They're not engaging with you.
Well, it depends.
Look, sometimes they're engaging.
Like I said, I'm not saying you don't.
I use whatever you want.
But I mean, people, I went on to this Stitch and Adam show because they wanted to talk
to me, Dave Smith Smith and Jimmy about Ukraine
In the beginning which by the way, I knew they were losing the whole time. They have never been winning
They could never have won the whole reason was to blow up that pipeline, which we blew up
You're the Nord stream to pipeline. Yeah, yeah, the largest man-made release. Yes, I heard blew the whistle on it to this day
Yeah to this day. I'll say that,
and people go, Atel and fucking Ian.
And they're like, no, Ukraine did that.
No, they didn't.
Ian said that?
Ian and Atel.
Ian's one of the smartest people I know.
Atel's one of the smartest people I know.
No, I'm driving Ian's pretty stupid.
Well, I don't know him that well,
but Atel I know is very smart.
But he still would believe him.
I didn't realize how many people watch MSNBC or Fox
and believe it.
The thing that stays in Nord Stream is when you pay
a Swedish guy to piss on your face.
He mentioned that, yeah.
So think about that.
You have them talking to you about climate change,
and you're gonna still have to stop eating meat.
If it's, like, I always believe in it, now I don't.
I was in a doomsday cult that predicted the end of the world
and was wrong in 77.
Okay, they did that once. Yeah. I can think of five times I was that predicted the end of the world and was wrong in 77. Okay, they did that once
Yeah, I could think of five times. I was worried about the end of the world
Yeah
But his childhood story is so funny his like his family was like in a normal family and then
Clinton got elected and his dad was like this guy's the Antichrist.
Moves him out to like southwestern Virginia,
and he had to grow up on like a compound,
and like a king squirrel.
He knows how to hunt and shit?
Yeah, yeah, well that, yeah.
So he had a good father for once, okay.
I guess, and then, obviously Clinton's not the Antichrist,
he's just a politician and the like,
so then they have to.
No, Clinton's of one of the four horsemen.
Okay, well, one of them, That's still not the Antichrist.
Well, his dad should have held his breath
and waited a little longer,
because there were more coming.
It's also too, if you believe in the story
of the Antichrist, you don't have to move to the woods
when the Antichrist comes.
You just have to recognize who the Antichrist is
and believe in real Jesus.
I'll do you one better.
There is no the Antichrist.
There are antichrists, plural. I had to read the
Bible as a kid. So that idea of the Antichrist is Catholic bullshit and then
the American one that his dad is. No, no, it started as Catholic. It started as Catholic.
The one you're talking about is the evangelical Zionist kind. And if you
look into that, Zionism in the 1800s and American, so
Jones-Winness's came at the same time as like Warman's Seventh-day of Venice.
New York, upstate New York was like the tech sector of stupid religions.
And that's why we have this weird Pat Robertson Christianity. That was Israel's,
like that's what I'm talking about, it fell apart. Because that fake Christianity
that's actually just political,
that rightly so people go, well, you know,
evangelicals have this crazy idea
on them again what's gonna happen there.
Well, that was engineered, that was engineered on purpose.
They both had a common cause, and it was England,
those all came from British guys with mutton chops
who start religions, come to America.
So it's really England, England is pretty much the worst. They're worse, more evil than us.
Yeah, but you got the stones, you got the Beatles, you got Princess Diana.
I gotta show you this too. I cut you off. Kate Middleton has cancer.
No, she had an abortion. Well, whatever the fuck happened.
Colbert's getting sued for, cause he likes girl conspiracies.
Colbert doesn't like conspiracies,
but Kate Middleton, that's one girls can like.
I refuse to learn anything about the Royal Family.
So anytime Kate Middleton's name.
Oh, it's a lot of fun.
The name, she always mentioned,
I'm like, is that a female country music singer?
I don't remember. Yeah, yeah.
I don't remember who Kate Middleton is.
And so I had to Google, and oh man,
it's not coming up again.
But I clicked, I Googled who Kate Middleton is
and went to images.
And fuck, it's already gone from my phone.
But what I found initially was a picture
of her meeting some Maori ambassador.
And this guy is completely naked.
And it's like, what, the princess of fucking England
having to shave this guy's hand?
And then nine months later, she has to get a tumor
removed from her stomach.
Yeah, and his ass is just completely exposed.
And I'm like, if I was a tribal leader,
and I'm like, yeah, the King of France is coming to me
and we have to send an ambassador.
You wear your costume.
Let's put him in a diaper.
No, his culture's not a costume.
That is their cultural.
Trying to bring it all back.
Well, they just assumed that Maori people
have no sense of humor.
That's what I don't, how do you know
they're not just fucking with everybody?
It's not that they have no sense of humor,
but they take having their dick out for formal reasons
in that kind of historical sense very seriously.
Like if you go to Hawaii and they go like this,
Ninja Turtle bullshit, no, to them this is like some kind of.
Hang loose.
Yeah. No, this is a... Shaka.
Shaka. Yeah, like this is like a hand over your heart pledge of allegiance
importance. That's cultural. Right, now I just look at it as like,
RUKELBUNGA! And I still look at it that way. Yes.
I don't, as Itell said, like here in America we can eat a fruit without first
worshipping it as a god. Mm-hmm. We just eat a pineapple.
Yeah. One time I got,
I was about to get laid at it. It is pretty regal. Yeah. It's got a hat on it.
Like the monolith from 2001. They approached, they approached the pineapple.
Dude, I forget gonna eat the munchkins. Dude, uh.
I ate it and it's delicious.
It's like the best fruit.
I forget what island it is.
It makes your cum taste different too.
Yeah, apparently.
Can you imagine?
And your pussy.
Why would you not worship that thing?
You're like, look, it's scary.
I used to think it was scary when I was a kid.
I thought that the spikes hurt your hand.
All those places where they had plenty
and you didn't have to fight over resources,
they still had war and they're bigger.
And so they'd have wars,
because there's no way to prove yourself as a man
when everybody has enough.
So it's not Hawaii, it's another kind of like...
But there are wars at the level of beach volleyball.
Dude, there was a war in, is it Cook's Island?
I can't remember the island, it's so funny.
They have a mountain called Chickenship Mountain there.
That's how you can find it if you wanna look.
But they got in a long war to get the other guy's shit.
Because when, so the leaders, to set yourself apart.
Shit, you mean feces.
Yeah, so here's why.
That's how you steal his powers away?
No, not even.
That's the cannibalism stuff.
That's the cannibalism.
Because you have, so you're the chief, right?
Let's say you're the chief, and then I'm under you,
and we're both under you.
We can't fight a chief in the other tribe only you can fight with a chief because he your height
It's kind of like how streaming works. You don't bring a lower status one
so but you got to prove so you have to go fight them and
And then when people die they shit themselves
So you let's say you let's say he's the other chief and you kill him you you then there's a dinner where both sides come
And have to say you eat his heart at dinner
with his family there, then they bring out a plate
with his shit on it for everyone to look at,
and that proves that you killed him,
because look, I got his shit.
So they would take stuff to make them shit them diarrhea.
How are they like, okay, that's his shit.
That's his death shit.
Do you think of people that would do this
are that sophisticated that they're gonna DNA test the shit?
That sounds smart a little bit.
Yeah, too smart for your own good.
They could either be more sophisticated or less,
I don't know.
No, I would imagine they obsessively look
and can identify people's shits because it's now.
Like how Native Americans can hear footsteps.
That's exactly right.
Put your ear, yeah.
You just gotta put your face in it and you know.
Just put the turd in your ear.
That's Nick.
It sounds like rain.
Yeah, but anyway, people are gonna.
This is my name, this is how they tell each other.
What?
They shit in each other's ear
and that's your name in that culture.
Oh, I didn't know that.
And so this is all happening in an island
that's shaped like a skull, right?
I assume, I assume. It should be a butthole, it's probably a skull.
A big, cool, stone.
But it's like, there's just like plenty,
and like, how do you distinguish yourself,
that you're a man, there's no wars to fight,
cause everybody has stuff.
My favorite is the tribe, it's like in South America,
where you have to stick your cock in a bunch of bowling ants.
Yeah, yeah.
It's your hand, your hands.
Don't do your cock.
You're like not allowed to hit puberty unless you do that.
You did it wrong, you put your hand in.
Not your cock, don't do that.
I guess I had a different experience.
That's what I get for trading in Chase Reward points.
So you never should.
I thought you had a job with Vice or something.
That sounds like a weird vacation.
National Lampoon's bullet ant penis vacation.
With my Chase Rewards, I'm taking a sex tour of Haiti
Well, that's the Clintons
Or ask anybody people go to Haiti and they fucking anyway
It's I gotta go to do Gutfeld. Okay. I gotta get my-
Say what up for us.
That might be the longest podcast you've ever done.
I feel like Rogan.
What?
245.
Wow, that's-
I'm in Rogan mode, so you know how it is.
I hear you.
You know?
You know how it-
But dude, for real-
I don't spend this much time talking
even in this pain of a full week.
Look, I'm telling you-
Nick and I say three sentences a month.
I know, I snapped some time ago.
I used to not work any news at all
because I couldn't handle it.
Yeah, the news sucks.
I couldn't handle it.
But then I got a job where I sidekick on a news show,
so now I have to learn.
And it's the worst thing in the world.
And people look at you like you're talking about aliens
when you tell them about land news.
Rogan once on about Haiti, he goes,
oh, you know these conspiracies. He goes, Oh yeah, these conspiracy.
I go, do we even get to my conspiracies?
My conspiracies are crazy.
I'm just talking about the real shit that exists right now
that you can look up, but you're not gonna.
I didn't say it like that to him, but he's a guy that's open.
I stopped caring about everything after the accident.
Well, that's, look, I say,
it's like, okay, so the elites are all fucking children.
We caught the guy that did it. We just murder him in prison. The poor people I say. It's like, okay, so the elites are all fucking children. We caught the guy that did it.
We just murder him in prison.
Hey, the poor people do too.
It's very popular.
We're never gonna find out.
Yeah, yeah, a lot of uncles do it.
So it's like, okay, well then there's no value
in really looking at it.
I can't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna try and make as much money as possible
and, you know, find new drugs.
Okay, well, they fucked up with the lockdowns.
This is what's beautiful.
All the things are falling apart when you vote.
Nobody has to do nothing because the clash,
the cognitive dissonance of seeing Gaza
and then Putin should be brought on war crimes,
Putin's a saint compared to Bibi.
So old fucking idiots here are gonna just like
what they like, but young people on TikTok
are watching IDF soldiers brag about atrocities.
Don't look good.
And that's why the ADLs,
they wanna ban TikTok for other reasons.
TikTok's very censorious.
I don't go on it because I'm not a pedophile,
but the reason they're talking about banning it now
was to protect Israel.
Why wouldn't they just steal the election?
That makes sense.
I do not think that that happens.
Why wouldn't they just steal the election?
Who?
Well, I guess.
Our election?
The next election, yes.
Or I don't know if you believe
that they stole the last one either.
When George W. Bush got in,
when I lived here,
everyone goes, they stole the election.
They did, yeah.
By the way, of course they're gonna steal the election.
It's called the Electoral College.
They probably do it every time.
What the fuck is everybody talking about?
So that's what I mean.
It's like, if you say-
Civil war, civil war, civil war.
But I don't think the-
No one's gonna fight in the civil war.
The political will exists for that to happen.
I just don't.
The what? The political will for any will exists for that to happen. I just don't. The what?
The political will for any kind of Civil War
to happen exists.
You think the people's will is the will?
I tried!
Well then who's the Civil War between?
It seems like it's, I mean, you can't hold the position
that we have no democracy, there's all these people
in control, and that some Civil War will happen.
If we're already living in lockdown,
then nothing will happen.
It doesn't like, nothing will.
Okay, well I'll explain it to you. First of all, we're already living in lockdown, then nothing will happen. It doesn't like, nothing will. Okay, well I'll explain it to you.
First of all, we kind of already in one,
that's what all this identity bullshit is.
It's top down, like how BLM came from not black people,
it came, put a gay black woman in charge of anything.
It would be a man, obviously.
So all the, so like take the stupid Bud Light thing,
where Kid Rock joined Hamas over it for briefly, right?
Yeah, yeah.
That guy's an ex-CIA guy, the CEO.
Kid Rock?
No, the CEO of Bud Light.
Friend of the show.
Friend of the show.
So, you saw how whipped up people got about that, right?
So, now that they're trying to queer and trans the spaces,
unlike pussy countries like Australia,
which are just, or New Zealand, or Canada, where they're gonna have
life imprisonment for hate speech,
you know about that, right?
That's a real law.
Their life imprisonment is 20 years,
but still a bit much for online hate speech.
That's a long time to go to jail.
Still worse than China.
So America's armed to, after, dude,
there's more guns than people you've heard many times.
Oh, that's the one with Johnson with the.
He had the nerve to come out.
When are they gonna take the guns away?
I don't even own a gun, but thank God a bunch of people
have guns because if they ever try to pull that shit again,
guess what?
And that thing, you can't fight.
No one's gonna do shit.
We're lazy here.
We're lazy.
I'll do respect, Mr. Borelli, you don't know anything.
I'm gonna be Norman Ficklese.
You know, you're a fantastic moron.
No one's gonna fight a civil war.
Any regulation of it is basically
the fucking honor system.
How easy it is to make your own gun now.
I mean, it's incredibly, it's the same as Bitcoin.
So fuck the laws, it doesn't matter.
If you want a gun, you can.
So hold that thought.
The people in charge,
the idea that Trump could come back into power, okay?
They will do their best to,
they can't just kill him,
because that would start a thing.
I mean, they might.
They could start a thing where,
like that movie that came out about a civil war
where race succeeds.
They've already tried to keep him off the ballot.
It is crazy, like there should be only one choice
in our democracy.
They will make sure something happens.
That shit that happened in Maryland.
The bridge?
Yeah, the Black Swan event you might have heard of.
That is vital infrastructure.
That bridge, just so you know, I didn't know this,
that is one of the most vital pieces of infrastructure.
That's targeted.
There is no other way to get certain kinds of things
down to the south and the north now
because you can't drive them through tunnels.
So someone did that on purpose, I don't know who,
but no, it ain't the thing like with Boeing
where diversity killed the people on the plane.
This shit, remember the pipeline that they attacked
and wanted Bitcoin and all that?
So no, there's some coordinated shit going
and they always have to like not give you the truth about it.
It might not be the fantastical thing somebody says it is,
but they have to keep hiding it.
There's too many things.
Yeah.
It's like, so new things keep popping.
So like, oh, Ukraine and Putin is a monster.
And all of a sudden we got to pretend Israel are heroes
for what they're doing right now.
So you're saying that that's gonna be like a kernel
of revolutionary potential, is the bridge?
I don't know if you know this.
Women have dicks now and you're supposed to believe it in your heart like it's Jesus. And- Yeah, but people don't know if you know this. Women have dicks now and you're supposed to believe it
in your heart like it's Jesus.
Yeah, but people don't.
That's like the thing.
Wait, hold on.
Yes, obviously.
But all the people here, I'll give you one thing
before I go, it's the craziest story in the world to me.
Dunigan's friend who's a writer,
who's very funny, I know her, she's very smart.
Boyfriend transitions on New Year,
he decides he's gonna turn to a woman,
surprises her in one of her dresses.
It doesn't even buy zone.
Doesn't buy zone.
Just shows up wearing her clothes.
It's better.
She celebrates because she's a good liberal.
Oh great, they've been together,
I don't know how many years, a long time.
Probably her fertile years. Then okay then her friends her friends
pressure her she goes on a lesbian date with this lesbian that liked her because
well if he was a woman the whole time I must be a lesbian right so I should go
on a lesbian. Now that's a true story now if you tell that, in the dumbest place in America, they're like, what?
So that's why I'm saying the Civil War.
The fact that that's a story that,
oh, it's stupid, but you're casual about it.
That's because you live here and you're numb to craziness.
Everybody else cannot believe you would have the nerve.
My boy saw his ex, he had dinner with his ex
and his ex transitioned to male.
So he found out he was gay.
He found out he was gay.
You know they're bringing back?
He told me that story as if he was really stressed out about it.
I was like, bro, so you're gay?
And he believed it?
No.
Well, women are weak, and they believe it.
They have no identity.
I don't think it's.
Do you know how Gambia is bringing back
female circumcision, the country of Gambia Gambia
I didn't know Gambia was a country. I thought it was no it's like with Wakanda is based on it
But instead of having technology instead of technology the female circumcision now
We all know that that's not what what it is female circumcision, right?
That's they called that but what it really is a gender-affirming care
And I feel bad for them because they can't they don't have enough money to circumcise their tits as well
Whereas we do in an advanced country. Yeah
What is they do it they cut just the hood off or the whole?
It's take as much as you can inshallah because it makes her chased and it makes her
Identify with who she is like we can't even make fun of third world countries anymore. Mm-hmm
Remember, oh you can't draw Muhammad.
They get all, those primitives get mad
because you draw.
You can't draw a cartoon of the prophet.
I can't say women don't have dicks
and get a job in my field.
How like, oh, we owe them an apology
because they invented a great way to change your gender.
It's called a burka.
A surgery free all natural pronoun you can wear. Well, you know in Iran, they make, if they catch you being gay, they's called a burka. A surgery-free, all-natural pronoun you can wear.
Well, you know in Iran, if they catch you being gay,
they give you a transition.
Yeah, and that was a documentary,
they don't have an HP max anymore,
because now, here's what we're doing.
Castrating kids, Canada's euthanizing them.
Does this sound familiar to anybody?
Like a certain German period in history?
They're killing kids?
Canada's euthanizing children?
Assisted suicide. They're trans children? So is euthanizing children? Assisted suicide.
For trans children?
So you know their health care system,
they don't want to pay money into it anymore.
Sure.
So they have commercials about killing yourself,
like really expensive commercials.
That sounds hilarious.
If I could get a job at an agency.
It's from Children of Magic.
Nick, it's the funniest thing in the world.
It's the funniest thing in the world.
But that's the-
It's a little taco bell dog, yo quiero, kill myself.
I was like, at Tim Horton's we say kill yourself.
Yo quiero die.
Yeah.
So, we brought Nazis after the war,
about 50,000 of them.
There's Nazi monuments all over.
Chase Bank has a Swastika logo.
We're Army Nazis.
Let me, do you get the picture? This is the Fourth Reich. It's
been the Fourth Reich since World War II. Remember the liberal world order?
For me, that seems like common knowledge. It is not. People will go like, what? Who?
Like I'm a crazy guy. It seems like because things are just immediately...
Fuck, I gotta go
You gotta go. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude. I have a good time. I'm glad I blew off here. Yeah
This is the longest podcast we've ever done. I feel like Joe Rogan
Love you pal