The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ryley Walker & Nick Mullen - Episode 46
Episode Date: March 22, 2024The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 46 w/ Ryley Walker & Nick Mullen (Via SatCom) Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ T...ikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs LIVE SHOWS: NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Mar 21 — Mar 23: Raleigh, NC @ Goodnights Comedy Club Apr 11 — Apr 13: Portland, OR @ Helium Comedy Club Apr 18 — Apr 20: Tampa, FL @ Side Splitters May 16 — May 18: Philadelphia, PA @ Helium Comedy Club ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland #comedy #podcast
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Hello and welcome to a very special episode of the Adam Friedland Show podcast. As we've
alluded to in the last couple of weeks, we are in dire financial straits these days.
We're trying to save the business. We are being threatened by potentially filing for
Chapter 7 or 11 bankruptcy. So what many of you don't know is
that those of you who don't subscribe to our page.
Hello, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast.
Very special episode.
Before we start, I just want to introduce you guys.
A lot of people, the show has hit,
in any long relationship,
you're with a girl.
Sometimes you don't fuck for a couple months.
And Nick and I are in that kind of stage right now.
I think it's become apparent to the fans.
And they want to get us fucking again.
They want to spice up our relationship a little bit.
And a lot of you have been asking
for an official Adam Friedland Show podcast mascot.
And so I came back from the weekend.
I was in Detroit last weekend.
Thank you to everyone who came to the shows in Detroit
and Boston.
They were incredible shows.
And I came back.
The studio was spotless.
He cleaned for me, which made me feel good.
And also, I saw this gentleman over here.
And Nick brought into our lives the new official Adam Friedland
show mascot.
This is Mr. Hashimoto.
He was once a file cabinet.
And now he is kind of like a Japanese salary man,
kind of like a bukkake style.
You know the deal.
Also, guys, on the Patreon side, I just
want to mention for those of Also guys, on the Patreon side, I just wanted to mention
for those of you who subscribe to the Patreon,
this Monday or Tuesday you saw our first installment
of the Adam Friedland Show Digital Shorts series,
which will now be a weekly occurrence.
Nick and I will be making one digital shorts style
sketch a week
on Patreon for our intrepid Patreon subscribers. Also, we release a lot of other exclusive content this week,
the shooting script for the last episode
of the Paul Schrader episode of the talk show.
And also, we're gonna figure out how to do
for our Patreon subscribers, if you don't subscribe,
these were some props
that Nick made for the last sketch that didn't actually end up making it into the episode,
but we kind of, we wanted to figure out a way for our subscribers on Patreon to have
a contest or something. We don't know how to do it specifically, but we're going to
be doing it in the next couple of weeks. For these exclusive, Nick ordered these PS5 cases.
I'll get to you, I'll get to you in a second.
PS5 cases and he got a photo printer and then photoshopped these PlayStation games.
For instance, Master of the Senate, Lyndon Johnson, Robert Caro.
This is the PS5 game.
This is the last bit of Pussy, Part 2.
Of course, the Capcom, Boys Don't Cry.
And who could forget Gay Madden 24, which I hear is quite good.
Oh, the Holy Quran.
This is good, too.
So guys, if you don't subscribe to Patreon
and you want to enter the contest
and you want to see the new digital short series,
of course the weekly podcast,
and enter a chance for you to win
one of these exclusive PS5 games
developed by Nick Mullen for our last sketch
that didn't make it in,
because it was a nightmare of a scenario,
and I'm glad it's behind us.
Finally, because money is getting tight,
we did also have a Fuck a Fan challenge,
and I'd like to introduce you guys to the winner
of the Fuck a Fan challenge.
You wanna introduce yourself, your name?
Hey, out there in TV land, my name is Riley.
Adam let me fuck him, and he fucked me.
I wouldn't say let you, it was kind of I had to.
Yeah, he had, he had to let me fuck him. It was me fucking Adam. Just kidding, it was kind of I had to. Yeah, he had. He had to let me fuck him.
It was me fucking at him.
Just kidding, that was kind of a nasty joke.
Riley and I are good friends, that's my friend Riley Walker.
He is a Grammy award winning musician.
Never even been in the consideration of the conversation for a Grammy.
You worked with everyone from Robert Plant to John Bonham to...
Yeah, Bonzo. Me and Bonzo used to hit it hard back in the late 70s.
Mr. Keith Moon, of course.
RIP.
Brian Eno, Brian Pinheiro.
Brian Pinheiro.
We worked with all of them. He's a very talented musician.
Probably, I would venture to say musical genius. He never would.
Yeah, so everyone give it up for Riley Walker musical genius. He never would.
Yeah, so everyone give it up for Riley Walker, Mr. Guaranteed 11 inches Riley Walker.
Welcome to the show pal.
Nick's on the road, but we will,
I think we should check back in with Nick
later on in the episode.
Yeah, let's give Nick a shout.
I'm doing you no favors by being on here.
I'm nobody at all, so I really appreciate it.
Well, I mean, in the music community,
I think you're quite heralded and well-respected.
But definitely in the podcast fan audience,
I think you might receive death threats.
Yeah, I'm going to be transferring at Union Station
and get a knife in my side.
I'm not really looking forward to it, because I'm not Nick,
and I'm not a comic.
Yeah, by virtue of the fact that you're not Nick,
yeah, I've put actually your life in danger.
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna die.
It's totally worth it.
Which is kind of how Jews all around the country
are feeling right now.
So, you know, maybe walk a mile in our shoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm finally there.
With the rise of anti-Semitism.
Riley is a buddy of mine, very funny dude, musician,
and also he was been a fan.
He was an OG fan of Come Town.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys were big on the stereo back in the day in the tour van and stuff.
You listened on a stereo.
On a stereo, on a boombox.
Yeah.
I remember, I don't know if it's...
I think I asked you if I could say this before, but when Riley liked to party a little bit too much,
he had to go away to a place that teaches you
not to party anymore.
A clinic.
And our friends would explain come town bits
that he was missing because of your incarceration.
Yeah, in handwritten letter form.
He was getting come town bits written by hand by our friends.
Yeah, it was contraband.
They got it into the rehab and I read it and laugh
and it got me one day closer to serenity
and I'm here now with you and it's a real joy.
So we, I essentially got you a little bit.
Yeah, you got me clean.
Like I owe it to Adam.
Yeah, yeah.
I owe it to Adam because I'm clean.
Five years, five years now.
Five years clean.
Let's give it up for Riley.
Thank you very much, thank you very much.
He used to be one of the most fun guys, now he's.
And I suck.
Now you suck.
Yeah, ice me.
Yeah, congratulations to you of course.
Yeah, contraband, so Brian took it in
like his ass or something.
No, it was mailed in letter form,
but they would read the letters
and there'd be like, hey, I hope you're doing well.
There'd be some sort of communication at first
and then when we passed the first paragraph it's like a prison letter and
then the rest was just funny stuff that you were saying at the time and it was
I'm sure it wasn't anything I was saying I'm sure it was more no you're a really
funny guy what what do they say and then they said Adam and then they were like
Adam you're gay yeah a lot of stuff calling you gay and you left went while
you were in a drug withdrawal.
Drug withdrawal, yeah.
Drug withdrawal.
Yeah, absolutely.
While the nurse was by my side holding my hand.
Really?
Yeah.
Is it like that?
Yeah, yeah.
You're like withdrawing and having nightmares and pissing and shitting in the bed.
Oh, no.
I thought it was more of a sexual... When you say nurse, I think porn.
No, I wasn't getting jerked off or anything.
It was a total clinical thing.
Yeah, yeah. I didn't even think my dick No, I wasn't getting jerked off or anything. It was a total clinical thing.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't even think my dick worked at the time.
Your dick didn't work.
I was dying.
Oh, yeah.
Well, congratulations.
We're glad that you're here.
Yeah, I'm glad to be here, buddy.
Thanks a lot.
I like being alive.
Oh, congratulations.
We're very proud of you.
I'm a big fan of Riley.
Thanks, pal.
He's one of the best guys I know, pretty much.
Oh, thanks.
And that's why we call him Mr. Guaranteed 11 inches of course.
Yeah, thank you very much guys.
And that's a guarantee to every guy watching.
Who canceled on this to make me come on the podcast?
Nick had to go on the road.
Oh Nick had to go on the road.
And you thought of your coolest, most famous friend, me.
I thought of my friend that needs this.
Yeah, I need this pretty bad, actually.
My career's in a real downturn.
I made up a Fuck-A-Fan challenge, right?
And I sent it to you in an email,
and it seemed like there were other people...
You couldn't get Sufjan Stevens?
No, no, no.
You couldn't get Sufjan?
Brother, I made up a friend.
You don't have the poll for Sufjan?
I made up a friend.
It just sucks.
First of all, Sufjan Stevens,
I don't think he'd like this very much.
He would love it.
You think so?
Yeah, close personal friend.
What's his vibe like?
I've actually never met Sufjan Stevens.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
But I assume he'd write a whole concept album about it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Can you... So Riley... One thing I was thinking today is Riley has a lot of contacts in the
music industry. Yeah, yeah. You're a lot of contacts in the music industry.
You're a veteran of-
Indie rock.
Indie rock.
Yeah, the indie rock business I know everybody,
pretty much, except Sufjan.
Yeah, so like you have a lot of,
I'm sure in your address book or whatever it is
on the iPhone, you have a lot of names in there.
Ton of big names, yeah.
Yeah, like Mr. Dave Matthews, for instance.
Dave, yeah.
Dave's, yeah, David. You thinks, for instance. Dave, yeah. Dave's a... Yeah, David.
You think we...
Should we call him right now?
Maybe he's on safari right now.
He likes to go to the motherland a whole lot.
Oh, yeah, I'm a South African as well.
Yeah, you guys are South African brothers.
Yeah, yeah. Well, not biologically.
But you think he's on...
He wouldn't like to be called right now.
I don't know.
Just call him right now.
Okay. You think you're self-deaf? Yeah, he drank himself stupid and then he died. I feel't know. Just call him right now. OK.
Drank yourself to death?
Yeah, he drank himself stupid, and then he died.
I feel like no one's drank themselves to death
since, like, Hendrix.
Hendrix drowned in a bathtub with a bottle of wine.
He joked on his own vomit.
And his penis was huge, apparently.
Yeah, that's what I've heard as well.
Yeah.
Left-handed penis.
Left-handed penis, yeah.
He had a left-handed penis. Are youhanded penis, yeah. He hit a left-handed penis.
Are you texting Dave Matthews first?
No. Really?
I mean, Riley, I thought you would love it.
If you're doing this to get close to Dave Matthews,
I'm on here for the wrong reasons.
Listen, brother, I'm not... Yeah, maybe I am using...
You text Dave Matthews?
You texted Dave Matthews. What'd you say?
I said, what's up? Are you available for a call?
Really?
Yeah.
So Riley actually was a Dave Matthews fan growing up,
and you recorded a covers album.
Yeah, and everybody hated it, and I lost the record label.
I was on a ton of money.
But everyone hated it, except for who?
Except for Dave Matthews.
Mr. Dave Matthews.
Yeah, Dave Matthews respected it.
Dave Matthews loved it.
Shouts out to Dave Matthews.
Very good guy. Shouts out to Dave Matthews.
Very good guy.
Lost the record label tens of thousands of dollars, still recovering from debt.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you're jaded for the music industry.
Riley...
Yeah, I'm independent.
Yeah, you're independent.
You're totally independent.
Riley has been telling me for years, he's like, I'm done with the rocker dream.
Yeah, the rocker dream is done.
Podcasts have all the money now and you took all the fame.
So you think that-
You siphoned it from us.
We are kind of the new-
Yeah, you're the new rock stars and it's painful.
Really?
It must really suck for you guys.
Yeah, man.
Life is pretty fucking shit.
It's not cool.
It's really bad, actually.
Yeah.
I'm out here dying, dude.
I'm like not okay.
I've lost everything.
I've lost everything.
No, you're fine, dude.
I'm all right for today.
You're happy.
Should we prank Nick? Yeah, you're fine, dude. I'm all right for today.
You're happy.
Should we prank Nick?
Yeah, you want to give Nick a call?
Yeah, I'm gonna give him a call.
He's in a bad mood.
What should the prank be, though?
Is it, where is he?
He doesn't want to be on the road right now.
He's on the road doing comedy.
He's doing comedy.
Yeah.
He's a real...
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
I'll say this.
Hey dude, we got a big problem.
What's up?
I came into the studio and Mr. Hashimoto
was covered in blood and calm.
What?
Mr. Hashimoto was covered in blood and cum.
So?
That you're pranked.
What do you mean?
There are other guys here that are laughing their asses off right now.
I fucking pranked your ass.
You really thought that a file cabinet could get brutally sexually assaulted?
Well, why couldn't it?
I don't know, because it doesn't have a pussy, dude. It's made out of metal.
I've fucked metal things before.
Oh yeah, Riley's here. He says hi.
Hey Riley.
Hey buddy.
I don't think you understand how cum works.
I think I understand how cum works, brother.
It doesn't, it can go on anything.
It doesn't have to go on, uh,
it doesn't have to be like a person.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying.
Like, on the floor or in the toilet.
Oh, Nick, guess what?
You're double-pranked.
We're on the fucking show right now
Yeah, yes, you want you want it you must feel like a real fucking idiot right now
So I understand do we still have the file cabinet character no the file cabinet character yeah, we still have it. -"Okay, well, if I'm on the show, I guess I better get into the show mode.
What is up? Good afternoon.
Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show."
-"Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show."
-"Hey, Nick, thanks for letting me be on.
I really appreciate it.
I need this more than you need me."
-"Hey, hey, hey, hey, could you not?"
-"Sorry." -"Yeah, you interrupted.
It was pretty rude, actually." -"Sorry.
Could you not? Please?
I'm doing the..." -"Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a fucking..." -"Good afternoon."
-"Go ahead. Go ahead.
One more, three, two, one.
Wow.
Nick?
Wow.
I was counting you down.
Wow.
Just do your good afternoon, brother.
Come on.
Well, now I feel patronized.
I'm not patronizing.
Okay, so good afternoon.
Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
Live via satellite, we got Nick Mullen,
and we are joined by Riley Walker, multi-grammy,
platinum award winning, the writer of Umbrella
by Rihanna, actually.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know that he did that?
Did you really?
Yeah, it was my idea to do the Ella Ella Ella part.
Yeah.
I put my kids through college with that.
So what's about an umbrella? Well. That's actually about an umbrella.
Well, it's actually about a risky gay sex act.
Yeah, it comes from first-hand experience.
It's called the umbrella, yeah.
Is that for real?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, it's about going to Grand Central and blowing people anonymously.
I can't tell.
You guys are such master prank artists.
I can't tell what I'm such master prank artists I can't
tell what I'm being pranked and what. Yeah I think that is a good lesson about
pranking is like if you prank too much then like you kind of you kind of will
alienate. What is an umbrella about? Do black people use umbrellas? I think they do in like a New
Orleans style like funeral marches and stuff? Ah yeah, but then it comes with a trombone.
Yeah, yeah, there's a jazz aspect to it.
It is kind of like a,
it's kind of the silent jazz instrument.
Would you say that as a musician, Riley?
A trombone is the silent jazz?
No, no, the umbrella.
Yeah, the umbrella has a big part
in jazz history for sure, documented.
Yeah, and so Riley.
Can you tell everybody that you got a guitar?
Yeah, yeah, actually the guitar is on stage right now.
It's a really small body guitar,
kind of for, I'd say like tweens.
Yeah, it's a, if anyone doesn't know,
Sam Ash is going out of business in midtown Manhattan.
Don't fucking tell them, dude.
I swear to God, if one of these fucking podcast losers
buys that sousaphone before me
because you blew up the Sam Ash sale,
we're done. We're done, pal.
He was literally staring at a sousaphone
for like 20 minutes. He's like,
Dude, we got to get this for the studio.
It's a business expense.
Yeah, you can lay it down. Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it makes more sense than a stupid guitar.
You bought a child's guitar?
Yeah, it's like a tween guitar.
Yeah, it's like for girls that want to learn Lana Del Rey.
Mm-hmm. Do women still play the ukulele? Is that a thing?
It's prevalent, yeah. They do really well.
Now, we're all millennials and we're old now,
so there's a bitch that's just like 35, just nasty. They do like
Yeah, basically a senior citizen that's like playing a ukulele
Wondering if it's still cute. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, that's a type of person you can be now. Yeah, she's a
Menopausal ukulele playing. Yeah, kind of like a fat Zooey Deschanel style. Not even fat, dude. Not even.
Oh.
Just...
In fact, on paper, still incredibly hot.
I mean, any girl is beautiful to me.
Yeah, but too old.
Too old?
Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Too old.
I'm sorry.
What am I going to do with a 35-year-old?
Your ages are probably covered in cobwebs by now.
And Kosti's like the Addams Family House.
Oh, Nick, I think I got to stop you right there.
I just want to tell our audience. I think I might stop you right there. I just wanna tell our audience.
I think I might have poisoned myself.
I just had something called Carolina kettle cooked
coastal crab boiled potato chips with a can of Mountain Dew
and I don't think these two are supposed to combine.
Really?
Oh yeah, you're in Raleigh, North Carolina right now.
I'm in Raleigh, North Carolina.
I would invite you guys to the show,
but unfortunately, they are sold out completely.
Are they?
No, not even close.
Yeah, no, I'm looking at, I got the ticket counts.
This might be the worst weekend yet since...
In solidarity, I know that feeling very well.
What's the smallest audience you've performed for?
Just the sound guy.
Just the sound guy?
Yeah.
See, Riley's from a DIY ethic.
Yeah, I'm pumped.
So we feel like failures.
Riley's like, this actually makes me,
I'm a better artist because I don't have...
Yeah, because I suck and can't,
because I can't manifest money.
I'm a great person
This is gonna blow up it's not
Yeah Yeah, could be. And then you go start your own podcast, and you're making just a shit ton of money podcasting.
I wish.
And then you're like, okay, well, I guess I can't really tour right now because I got
to focus on podcasting.
And then six years go by.
And then your fans who know you as a podcaster, they go, oh, well, Riley used to play music.
And then the podcast starts to, the fat guy leaves.
The fat guy leaves, yeah.
The fat guy leaves.
And you're like, oh, boy.
And you're like, oh, well, I can't do the podcast anymore.
I guess I'll go back to playing music.
Yeah.
And you go play music.
And then the entire podcast audience
realizes you were lying about knowing how to play music
the entire time. That's sort of the situation we're in.
Which reminds me, guys, about Babel.
You fucking whore.
What's the best way to learn a language?
Immersion, living where the language is spoken
and using it every day.
But if that's not in the cards, you
can still learn a language the second best way. And that's with Babel.
One in five Americans have learned a new language on their bucket list. If that's you, make
2024 the year you finally check it off the list with Babel. You know, actually, Riley,
I want to learn Arabic so I can learn the term, I'm sorry.
Shukriya. Thank you.
Oh, well, I need to'm sorry. Shukriya, thank you. Oh well I need
to learn sorry. As-salam. I always imagine that the Tower of Babel, the language that everyone spoke, if you just look at the biblical names, the language that people spoke probably sounded something like a Delta Blues scat before the tower was smashed.
Everybody was kind of going around
just doing like a,
sup dub nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,
nebukkaness, nebukkaness, nebukkaness,... Very, very cool, Adam. You know what's funny? I was on the plane on the way here.
Yeah.
And, uh, and like I was, like, there was, uh, there...
I was thinking about a couple of things.
I was texting people about it.
It was kind of like...
There was an Indian guy, it's like probably like a six-year-old Indian man, with his shoes
and socks completely off.
Uh-huh.
Just trying to just cruise into the cockpit looking for the bathroom.
And I love guys like whether like oh no
That's you know, you can't go in there. That's like a crime
But just just the way guys like that just make themselves like completely comfortable with his shoes off
You know, it's I was like
But yeah, just texting about how it's like, you know,
yeah, I'm not going to say it on the show.
So fast forward to the end of 2024.
OK, I was going to say it on the show.
Because then I'm making jokes, right? And then it's like, you know, they go to tackle him and then I explain to him, like,
no, he's Indian.
He's Indian.
He's not Muslim.
He's not Muslim or whatever.
And I'm making the jokes, like jokes like that, saying terrorists and stuff on my phone
with my friend, you know?
Yeah.
I'm like, oh, well, I hope the people behind me can't see my phone, you know?
Because then I also, in that conversation, I pitched a sketch where it's like, it's 9-11,
right?
And I'm like, oh, I hope the people behind me can't see my phone, you know?
Because then I also, in that conversation, I pitched a sketch where it's like, it's 9-11,
right?
And I'm like, oh, well, I hope the people behind me can't see my phone, you know? Because then I also, in that conversation, I pitched a sketch where it's like, it's 9-11, right? And I'm like, oh, well, I hope the people behind me can't see my phone, you know? they're also in that conversation. I just sketch where it's like it's 9-eleven, right and
Like the hijackers have already taken over the plane
You know, yeah, the hijackers are taking over the plane and then some guy stands up. He's like
He's like this is bullshit. This is our lives and we're gonna sit here and be cowards? And then people are like, yeah, yeah, this guy's right.
And he's like whipping them up into a frenzy.
He's like, we're gonna take things into our own hands.
We're not just gonna sit, he's like,
what are we gonna just sit here
and let these fucking faggots steal our plane?
Whoa, yeah, whoa, yeah.
And then everybody, he kinda just looted
and everybody's sort of just looking out the window.
Everyone's like, this guy's a homophobe.
Well, this guy's a, no, he's a bigot.
He's a bigot.
He's a big, because he's a full 9-11.
So, the moral of the story is that everyone dies
because they didn't want to help a bigot.
Right, yeah, that's the joke, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, that's the joke, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.
What do you think about that, Ryan?
I think it's great that people are standing up to hate.
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
In the sketch.
Yeah.
Adam, don't no-sell my sketch idea.
I didn't no-sell it, dude.
I was like, dude, I was...
Oh, okay, so what's the premise here?
You know what the premise is.
I get it.
The premise is that it's complicated.
Life is complicated, you know?
Sometimes you think you're standing up to bigotry
and then you die in 9-11 and then the towers crumble.
Excuse me, but the correct response was ha ha, not oh.
I was laughing.
Oh, yeah.
You can't see it because you're on speakerphone.
Fast forward to the end of 2024.
Think of your goals.
What can you do right now to give yourself
the best chance of succeeding?
If you want to learn a new language,
you absolutely should get Babel.
Do you know any other languages, Riley?
No.
No.
Did you know learning actually makes a sound?
It's true.
And then there's a sound effect for Babel,
which we're going to impose.
Start the ad readover.
Is Pete switching?
Pete?
Yes.
Yeah, Pete's switching.
Okay, so now clean break, start the ad read now.
Now, okay.
We'll erase, they're not gonna, let's leave it in
because I want my sketch idea in the episode.
No, it's good, it's worth leaving in.
But I don't wanna deal with them whining.
With them about the 9-11 and then the slur.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll say ad-rate and then I'll finish the story.
We got in trouble with another sponsor.
Sure, sure.
Which we're going to maybe talk about later in the show.
Guys, what's the best way to learn a language?
Immersion.
Living where the language is spoken and using it every day.
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All right, we're back, Nick.
Are you there?
Yeah.
Back with Riley Walker.
Ari Schaffer's in town, they got a John Madden bus,
and I'm trying to get on that bus.
Oh, okay, yeah, you should get on.
Riley's a big fan of Ari, actually.
I'll let Ari know if I can get him.
Well, then he's like, I'm like, where are you at?
He's like, we just finished at Walmart.
I'm like, well, I'm not gonna call a Lyft to your bus.
Yeah, well, but where is the bus?
Just fucking come pick me up in the goddamn bus.
Yeah, it moved.
They have a bus?
They got a John Madden bus, yeah.
What do you mean a John Madden bus?
Like an RV.
Oh, for what?
For just...
Driving around, doing bits, podcasting, psychedelic mushrooms.
Oh, okay.
Girls, mad. Mad girls. Guys. Yeah.
Yeah.
Comedians can just afford to do that shit.
That's insane.
Sorry.
How are you all so rich?
It fucking blows my mind.
Anyways, OK.
Sorry, dude.
Here we go.
We've got some distance from the average.
So anyways, I'm pitching this sketch idea
about this guy that keeps digging this hole deeper.
He's like, we're gonna let some fucking sample homo, you know.
And he thinks that they're also gay. Yeah, okay.
Yeah, right, yeah. I'm texting this stuff on, you know, and I'm like, oh man, I hope the people behind me can't see what I'm texting.
Yeah, because you're saying a lot of risk-based stuff.
Right, yeah, but imagine you're on a plane
and you see someone saying, like, terrorism and bomb
and hijack and you get worried.
And slurs.
Yeah.
Hold on.
You see terrorism and bombing and hijack and you get worried.
And then you see the N-word and the F-word,
and you're like, oh, thank God, they're a patriot. They're like, oh, my God, thank God.
I was worried.
This guy wasn't an American.
This guy wasn't a proud American.
Oh, thank God.
He's a good old boy.
And that, Riley, is how you make the big bucks.
That's how we make the big bucks, dude.
The worst that's gonna happen is he's gonna get into
a passive-aggressive fit with the flight attendant
about putting his seatbelt on.
Yeah.
Yeah, but, yeah, and think that, like,
that COVID is still happening
and that they want to give him a vaccine.
Before the plane went down in Shanksville,
the guy said, let's roll.
Yeah, let's roll is pimp.
Yeah, let's roll is really, yeah.
I was imagining, I was imagining, too, right?
Like, because, you know, that Indian guy went to get up,
and I'm like, I wonder if that word bothers anybody.
And then I thought about how sometimes, like,
racism is good, you know?
Because, like, I know, I can, I know when a guy is, like, Hindu.
I can tell the difference between a Sikh and a Hindu, right? That one's pretty easy. But it's like, you know, so it i can sign no what i think you know i can tell the difference in the secret and i was pretty
but it's like it
you know so it's like okay you're sitting next to like an old lady right
and she's like
you know nervous because she sees a senior guy heading towards a cockpit
and explainer earlier like all actually see that bracelet that means that he's
a muscle he's
actually here is your interest he can be they have actually been at war with the Mujahideen
for a very long time.
That's actually the number one guy you want in the cockpit
if Muslims were to attack.
And she's like, oh my God, thank you.
And then I see that the Indian guy
is actually going to the bathroom,
and I'm like, no!
Stop it! Stop him! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo That was pretty good, dude.
That was pretty good.
I'm glad you had the space away from the read
to get that out there.
Wait, so those guys are partying on a bus
that they're not gonna let you on?
Ari just said,
okay, well, we'll be at the Improv in an hour.
It's only 15 minutes from you.
So go meet them.
And I don't know if that means...
I don't know if that means we'll pick you up in the bus
or, again, like, I'm not calling...
Meet you means meet you at the Improv.
If your fucking hotel has wheels on it, like, what is the point?
Okay, we got the bus and now it's parked.
It's a good opportunity to join an e-bike program.
Yeah, yeah, why don't you take one of those little Lime scooters?
Why don't they just pick me up in the John Madden bus?
I don't know, that sounds like a you and Ari issue.
Yeah, well, if I had a John Madden bus
and my friend was in town 10 minutes away,
you know, it'd be like...
First, they're not driving it, dude.
They have a driver.
There's a guy who just drives the bus around.
He's a professional driver.
Right. Just be like, hey, go here.
A slave, if you will.
I wish I hadn't eaten those chips.
Um, you, what do you take on the road?
You don't take an RV?
No, I've never graduated that level, just vans.
Just vans?
Church vans.
You still drive your van around the city?
No, I sold it to some pipe fitter in Queens.
Come on, you can't say that.
Especially after what Nick said about those Muslims on the plane.
Well, this guy was Eastern European.
Oh, a pipe fitter is a job.
Yeah.
Oh.
Was that like, did you think that was like a slur?
Oh, you thought it was a pejorative slur?
Homophobic slur.
No, no, like a legit, like, Ukrainian dude.
Oh.
Who had, like, three teeth and like.
It's a good job being a pipe fitter.
It's a great job.
What do they do?
Well, they install PVC.
Oh, you know what? I confused pipeipefitter with ButtPirate.
Just because you're sick. You're perverted.
Because you've never worked a blue collar job in your life.
What are you fucking talking about, dude? I was on the blue collar comedy tour.
He has a fluffer.
I was sucking Bill Ingvold's dick.
You got Foxworthy down in there?
I used to go to... I'd suck Ingvold and then I'd go... they call it skiing where you do
a double hand job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
I'd go skiing on Foxworthy and tater salad.
Ron White.
Ron White tater salad.
Legend, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Last night, I got my ass eaten by a five-year-old.
That's my favorite part about him like that.
He's the best.
I turned around and I said, how old are you, sweetie?
22, 23?
She pulls her mouth off my ass and she says
That's a good tag. He drinks brandy?
I thought it was whiskey.
Oh, whatever.
He drinks crevasse?
That is kind of true.
There's that and then there's,
they say Yasser Arafat and Ringo Starr were both
in the same person. That is kind of true. Yeah. There's that and then there's, they say Yasser Arafat
and Ringo Starr look pretty much the same person.
They do look the same.
Yeah, yeah.
Those are the two that people say.
No, and Scottie Pippen and Osama Bin Laden.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, Osama Bin Laden looks like, he looks like somebody.
But it's not, he's kind of, he was a handsome guy.
He's a great looking guy. Yeah a... He was a handsome guy. He's a great-looking guy.
Yeah. Hell of a good-looking guy.
You think he's handsome or no?
Sambulant, one of the sexiest people ever, yeah.
Yeah, I think... And he had a big one, too, apparently.
Had to, yeah. Seal Team Six said
he had one of the biggest ones ever.
Yeah, that was the thing they shot that killed him.
They shot his dick.
Yeah, they shot him in the dick.
That was, like... That was famously...
He was looking at... He had 10 porn screens up, like the architect.
Yeah.
He was in.
He was masturbating.
And then, yeah, apparently, he hid behind a naked woman
that he just uses as a shield, as they say.
He has SEAL Team Six knocked on the door.
He's like, don't come in.
Come on, bro.
Give me one minute.
He like turned the faucet on
to make it sound like he was showering.
I'm bathing.
Yeah.
Don't come in!
Didn't they just throw, they threw his body
into like the Red Sea?
They threw it into, I thought the Atlantic Ocean, yeah,
but they threw it in the ocean.
Yeah, they like put cement in a bag.
Oh, even better, dude.
Imagine you're just like, you're some like,
just Italian fucking faggot looking for octopus, you know?
And you pull that.
I think that's in the Mediterranean, but yeah.
No, Italy.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, no, oh, oh yeah, I got you, I got you, I got you.
Yeah, a guy like a Geppetto style guy
with his little boy in there on the boat, and it's dawn.
Right, yeah, and you just, you pull up
a sum of Bin're on the boat and it's gone. Right, yeah, you just pull up Osama Bin Laden on the reel
and then you take it to your impoverished village
and you're just trying to sell.
Somebody probably ate it.
You flay it.
I guarantee it, somebody probably,
some fucking weird European freak
probably ended up eating Osama Bin Laden.
They do that, they eat like snails
and Osama Bin Laden and stuff out there.
Yeah, I know.
You can't throw it in a French restaurant.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like, this is a delicacy.
Wait, Riley.
Dude, you're going to love this, Riley.
I got to talk about something with you.
Do you know about a product called Bluechew?
I've heard of it.
Riley, have you used a product called Bluechew? I've heard of it. Riley, have you used a product called Blue Chew?
I've ingested it.
Well guess what, you're part of a very big club of gentlemen
who have used this product,
and this episode is actually sponsored by Blue Chew.
It's great.
So let's.
This should make one for girls called Red Chew.
And it's. as...............
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............... Last time we did a read, Nick and I said kind of... I mean, we've been... As you know, you know the show.
We've been doing reads for these guys for years,
and finally, we'd crossed a line.
Yeah, you got to be nice.
Yeah, we were told... We said plenty of horrific things,
but this one really crossed the line.
What'd you say?
It was something to do with...
Oh, come on.
Jesus.
All right, we could even cut that from the show.
But, guys, let's start the ad now.
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What?
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No, no.
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Yeah, combo.
Yeah, kind of combo.
Yeah, yeah.
After a nice breakfast, yeah.
Yeah.
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No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
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And now we're back to the show.
Live via satellite, Nick Mullin.
We got Riley Walker.
Guitar God.
Mr. Guaranteed 11 inches.
So yeah.
What were we saying?
What were we talking about?
Yeah, Nick, did I ever tell you I opened for Riley and it was a disaster?
Yeah, you did.
Yeah.
I thought it was good.
Really?
Yeah, I thought you were pretty funny.
I bombed, dude.
No, no, no.
I was like, dude, it was like I forgot about what an indie rock crowd is. There was like a, I forgot that like 2009 to 2012 like Garage Rock was
just very male and white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And no gay people even. No, no. It's
pretty insular. Gay dropped in like when? 2013 or something. 2013. Yeah. Yeah. That's
when gay. Yeah. Yeah. That's when pitchfork a lot the games started. Yeah, when do you think gay started?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that it was just shocking to me because like look we live in Brooklyn. I understand that going to a coffee shop 50 to 80 percent of the baristas are gonna be gay or some type
of new gay. Yeah. They didn't have squish mollos and cat ears. Like I understand that
you know but there was one guy there that was just, you know, he was just. He'd wear like dockers.
Wait, he looked like he liked books, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
And it was like, that was his thing.
Seems like he read one too many books, you know?
You know those glasses that are only for people
that read too many books?
Like the very thin wire.
Yes.
Like, yeah, those.
Kind of like the Russian Revolutionary glasses.
Yes. Yes.
Snob glasses. Yeah, yeah. Like, you don't even know where you get them. They look like, yeah, those... Kind of like Russian revolutionary glasses. Yes. Yes. Like, I don't even know where they get them.
They look like, yeah, exactly.
I'm a Bolshevik, actually.
Right. War time kind of glasses.
He's one of those guys.
And then we went in there one day,
and he had, like, a clown's makeup on
and necklaces and...
Yeah, he was really just changed his whole vibe.
Yeah, I mean, it looked like he had just been to Mardi Gras.
Yeah, maybe he did.
And I said to myself,
I guess everyone's gay now.
Anyway, so, Riley, you actually have a show
that just premiered at SX Southwest on free. It's gonna be
Or something yeah, or something and it's the way you want to tell us about it. What's what's not really?
Why not? Come on, dude? I don't know
This is the business here
And if you want to get into my business of making schmoneys you have to be like oh
I really want to tell you about this exciting new project and so I don't want to pitch anything
Why but you're not pitching it it's already been picked up. I don't really want to do that. Why I don't know
Because you're humble. I'm humble. So, okay, would you rather play?
I'm not gonna play either
Lobamba for me or tell you even afford the rights to such a song
I don't know. It's a cover that kid fucking died in a plane crash in Wisconsin. Yeah, not really funny to make fun of him
He's dead, dude
You can tell you got wiped out in a plane crash not funny to play any not really funny to make fun of him. He's dead, dude. He fucking got wiped out in a plane crash.
Not funny to do that on a comedy show.
Why was he called the Big Bopper?
Because he used to get bopped off?
Yeah, he used to get bopped off.
He'd be in a Cincinnati radio station
getting bopped off by a...
Hello, babe.
Yeah.
Yeah, the Big Bopper.
Nick, who's your favorite out of those guys
that died in the plane crash?
When the music died?
The day the music died.
The Big Bopper. Everyone's choice is the Big Bopper.
No, mine was Richie Valens.
More of a Chicano, kind of Southern California.
That's my background.
Have you seen Lou Balla, though?
Yeah, with Lou Diamond Phillips.
Yeah?
Yeah, I've seen that movie.
Have you seen that movie?
Yeah.
You liked it?
It's fine.
Yeah.
Have you seen the Doors movie?
Yeah, the Doors movie rules.
The Doors movie is awesome.
Oliver Stone.
I kind of want to watch it after this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, kill him right at his peak.
I love that.
Insanely perfect nipples.
Dude, he's so handsome.
He looks so fucking good.
That's kind of like the most, like, the fastest hot guy to fat guy rock star spiral.
His brain melted in the late 90s.
Something didn't happen.
No, no, no.
I'm talking about Morrison.
Morrison, they were a band for like 11 minutes.
Yeah, and he got super fat.
The Doors existed for 18 months, and he was just a fat, he was like Marlon Brando.
So fat. He was like eating all the poetry he was writing.
His poems are really good.
They suck.
They have really good poems, dude.
Shout out to Robbie Krieger.
Yeah, love Robbie.
Love the Krieg.
Love Krieg.
Is that what this is now, a indie rock music podcast?
Yeah, we're kind of doing a VH1 storyteller.
We're doing a VH1 storytellers about how fat Jim Morrison is.
Nick, do you have a, like, what's your favorite song?
Of all time?
Yeah.
Tequila.
Can you play Tequila for Nick?
Tequila?
Yeah, Ari Shaffir's not picking him up in the bus.
Do you have the copyright to that?
You're gonna get flagged.
No, it's not because it's a cover, dude.
Don't worry.
Uh.
["Tequila for Nick"]
That didn't...
Tequila.
No, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Okay, do the whole thing.
Oh, no, I don't know tequilas.
Dude, I thought you know every song.
No, I don't.
I told Nick to go. Sorry, I can't yes and this right now. All Oh, no, I don't know Tequila's. Dude, I thought you know every song. No, I don't. I told Nick you don't.
Sorry, I can't yes and this right now.
All right, fuck man, okay.
No, dude, so this is major news, Adam.
You just got mentioned on the Joe Rogan show.
I did.
He's gonna grind you up into creatine.
It might be the longest, like,
it's a five and a half hour podcast.
And they say the full name, Adam Dean Friedland.
Dude, they said, yeah, halfway through,
Joe asked for complete silence.
And then Mark Norman goes, Adam Dean Friedland.
And then they go back to doing the rest of the show.
This is going to change things for us.
They didn't say anything about if I'm a good guy or not,
if they like me?
No. No, they just just everyone stopped for a second and it's like
Norman's eyes turned red. I think he had a stroke and he said your name
Hmm. It's at the 19 hour and 35 minute mark of a
482 hour podcast
Yeah, the man is a machine.
I mean, Joe can just go for hours and hours.
I wonder how he fucks. I mean, like, he's got to be like,
he's got to last, like, I mean, he's podcasting so much,
he probably has to squeeze in fucking, like, real-
Did you watch, did you watch, did you watch this latest
Rogan with all those guys on there?
No, I didn't see it. Did you?
No, I saw that you were mentioned. I watched five minutes of it.
What were they riffing on?
I don't know. I don't understand why they were wearing the sunglasses.
They look like the California raisins.
They were probably smoking weed.
Yeah, maybe that's a thing.
Joe loves hitting you.
I'm not all about silly outfits.
Yeah, Nick, you dress pretty normal.
I think you should take podcasting seriously. I'm not all about silly outfits. Yeah, Nick, you dress pretty normal.
I think you should take podcasting seriously.
You're one of the normalist dressers in comedy.
Yeah.
What's that?
What should I have for lunch?
I think I fucked myself up with these chips
and the Dye Mountain Dew.
Quest Bar.
Quest Bar, Luna Bar, Barbecue, Carolina Barbecue.
Is Quest Love, did he name himself after his love with Quest Bar, Luna Bar, BBQ, Carolina BBQ. Is Questlove, did he name himself after his love with Questbar?
Yeah, he's like, I like the birthday cake Questbar from the deli so much, I'm gonna make that my name.
Yeah, yeah. It's a pretty funny story.
Only four grams of net carbs, so he really wanted to get in on it.
Yeah, yeah. See, Riley knows a lot about rock history.
And net carbs.
And net carbs. Are you getting? Questlove's deal, he just plays like a snare drum.
He just sits there with a snare drum and that's his whole thing.
I think he has other, he's got Toms.
He's a hip hop historian, a documentary filmmaker.
Yeah.
So he's like Neil deGrasse Tyson kind of.
Yeah, he knows a lot about space.
They do the same thing.
Yeah, yeah. I think, have you ever a lot about space. They do the same thing, yeah, yeah.
I think, have you ever seen them in the same room
at the same time?
I wouldn't be able to tell you.
No, I couldn't, I couldn't tell you.
I wouldn't.
I wouldn't know.
I always confuse those guys.
That's, I tell you, I mean, I've had to go in
for police lineups a couple of times.
I've been robbed and sexually assaulted a bunch here.
Really?
And every time I say, I don't know, all of them.
Yeah.
We can't, oh, man.
Every single one of them?
No.
But wouldn't four of them be innocent?
I can it was.
I can't stop eating these chips.
So yeah, so I mean Riley doesn't want me to mention it, but he does have a show potentially
coming out later this year.
It's with the it's funny.
Who's it with?
Robert De Niro.
Yeah, me and Robert De Niro. So what is it called? It's called the Riley it's funny. With the who? Who's it with? The Robert De Niro shit thing, you were doing?
Yeah, me and Robert De Niro.
So what is it called?
It's called the Riley Walker and Friends,
it comes out later, it's here on TV.
It's called You're Talking to Me.
And Robert De Niro's in it, or?
Robert De Niro's star's in it.
He plays in it.
It's a new vehicle for him,
where he plays me, an indie rock musician,
trying to find his voice.
Is this narrative or documentary?
Docky film.
Really?
Yeah, docky film.
And you like meet other rockers on the road?
Meet other rockers on the road.
Who do you got in the mix?
You'll have to watch and see.
I mean, you could tell us one.
No.
Now let me ask you this, Riley,
because you just said you are in a sort of, like,
a domestic partnership with a Mexican-American pipe fitter.
Yeah.
I think you're looking at that.
Right.
And he sold the van.
Oh, okay.
So you had to sell the van.
And it was an Eastern European, I should say.
Yeah.
Okay. Whatever it was.
But some might say dire straits.
Money for nothing.
Money for nothing.
Yeah.
Now, we spent hundreds and hundreds and hundreds I don't know who it's with.
We spent hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars making a show and
we have gotten no offers.
Yeah.
Well, the main reason I asked you on is to see if you can maybe tell them.
Oh, so I can sell Apple Corps, your TV show?
So you're so good at selling.
We're doing you a favor.
We're bringing you on the show. Yeah, this so good at selling. We're doing you a favor.
We're bringing you on the show.
Yeah, this is huge for you.
Now, you've got to scratch our backs.
You go march right in the office,
and you say, either you buy my friend's show.
Or I stick this knife in my neck.
I'll fucking kill you.
I will find every woman in this office and kill her.
Just to make the man think they're safe. Yeah, yeah.
And then.
And then I'm coming for the men.
Yeah, and getting fucking, I got a cup of acid.
I'm going to acid blind every male in here.
I've got a turkey baser and a cup full of acid,
and I'm putting just a drop of battery acid in everyone's penis tip
Just in the tip you'll rot from the inside out. I stick their dick in battery acid
Yeah, you know you have a turkey baser and you withdraw a little. Oh, I'm okay
Yeah, you'd like squeeze and then squeeze it into the dick hole. Okay, cool
Yeah, yeah, you had a r rot the inside of their dick out first,
and it goes to their mind.
You don't even have to worry about it,
because as soon as they hear these threats,
they're going to say, where do I sign?
Where's my checkbook?
Yeah.
Where's my checkbook?
Where's my checkbook?
Blank check.
Yeah.
What's your passion project?
Listen, this is a direct threat on my life
and every woman and man that I work with,
but you've got panache.
And I can't imagine how...
You ever been in a limo, kid?
Have you ever been in a limo?
No. No.
Never once.
A limo? Yeah.
I want to say I have, but now I can't recall
a single instance where I've been in a limo-zy.
You didn't go to prom in a limo?
I don't think I've ever been in a limo. You didn't go to prom in a limo? I don't think I've ever been in a limo.
Remember in Home Alone 2 when he rides the limo
around New York?
Yeah, so cool.
When I was a child, that was my biggest dream in the world.
To have a cheese pizza in a limo and have no parents?
Ride a limo around New York like Evan McAlister.
Yeah.
But no, I don't think I've actually been
in a stretch limo.
How about this, dude?
Ari Shavir's having all this fun in a John Madden bus,
and first of all, it's a little rude to you
because you've talked about John Madden buses
for a while that you wanna get one.
It's a passion of yours.
He's kind of rubbing it in your face
saying take an Uber here.
How about you get back to-
Stepping on my market, dude.
I mean, he's doing shows here this weekend.
I've had an ongoing problem of respect
from HBO.
From...
You can't get none. You can't get no respect.
From HBO.
So how about this, dude?
From Arsh, if you're from John Madden.
Listen, the world is against us.
The industry is against us. Riley's against us.
Pete, I don't trust.
I mean, he's doing a great job so far, but I'm never gonna fully trust him.
But guess what?
He's fucking anti-semites, dude.
Mr. Hashimoto is-
I'm cool with him, okay?
But guess what?
When you come back, you and me, Monday morning, 9 a.m., we're renting a limo, and we're gonna
just ride around New York City.
We're gonna live out that dream.
No, what we're going to do is shoot another digital short.
No matter what, that's the other day, too.
I announced it, I announced it, I announced it.
Are you there?
Yeah, you just told me to shut out, basically.
Oh, I said I already announced it,
just in case you were aware.
No, no, no, just stay quiet, I'm fine.
No, no, talk about the digital shorts.
I'm sure people are...
No, no, no.
You know, this reminds you of being in bands, you know?
Oh, just the constant bitching back and forth, can't come to terms with anything?
Kind of like...
Oh, wow, I didn't realize that you played in the Adam Friedland
band yeah we rocked we just got signed yeah we're kind of like a Liam and Noel kind of
style yeah we're Liam and Noel
Can you start titling our podcast the Joe Rogan Experience on YouTube?
Yeah just to get his attention?
No to steal some of his audience. Or we could just on the thumbnail image just
put Joe. Just add him to the show and call it the Joe Rogan experience. Cause look, who
knows how much longer the Joe Rogan bump is going to be worth it. Dude yeah, he's getting
pretty big right now but I don't know, you know. What goes up must come down, you know?
Exactly.
It's just gravity.
I hope that you have to tell yourself that.
When you spend extended periods of no going up at all,
you're like, yeah, well, these guys are, no, they'll be fine.
They'll be fine.
They're going to go down.
They'll die happy.
They'll die happy with hundreds of millions of dollars.
And surrounded by a family who loves them, yeah.
All right guys, I wanna talk about March Madness.
Are you excited about March Madness?
Definitely.
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He hung up.
That was it.
I was okay.
It was really funny.
He's so funny.
Yeah.
He really goes there, that guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's great.
I think, yeah, it's been funny so far.
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So you were telling me that crazy story
from back in the day, before the show started.
Where the streets have no name.
Where the streets have no name Where the streets have no name
Still building in, building out
Song's about how he's blacked out on Xanny's
and didn't know where he was.
Oh, Bono.
Yeah, yeah, Bono.
I heard Bono snizzes.
Does he?
Heavy.
Heavy.
He does bag.
Oh dude, a gram, a night.
What about the edge? The edge is fucked up. Everybody knows that.
Really?
Yeah, the edge is fucked up.
I thought the edge just beats, but doesn't come.
Yeah, it's about edging, obviously.
That's such a gimme.
He was like proto.
That's a classic rock joke.
Yeah, this is like the late 70s before edging was even a thing.
He was beating off and getting to the limit, and he was like, I have to stop.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then Richard Gere saw it, and it was like, I'm going to take that up one notch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Richard Gearsaw, and it was like,
I'm going to take that up one notch.
Yeah, yeah, and he put a rat up his ass.
I'll do it with a rodent in my ass.
Yeah, which is totally like par for the course these days.
It's totally chill now.
Yeah.
So if you could make your perfect guitarist,
you put a little bit of the edge.
A little bit of the edge.
You put a little bit of what?
Johnny Marr?
A little bit of Johnny Marr.
You don't like the Smith?
Not a huge Smith.
Why not?
I don't know.
Just a lot of bitching, I guess.
I mean, I can't say anything that hasn't been said.
You know that they speak to Mexican-American culture.
I think they do have a big Latino fan base.
Yeah.
It's great.
They love that and Tweety Bird.
They love Tweety Bird?
Like t-shirts with gangster Tweety Bird. I just associate Tweety? Like t-shirts with like gangster Tweety Bird.
I just associated Tweety Bird with like I'd go to the water park when I was a kid and
like really fat chicks would have like a Tweety Bird tattoo on their foot.
It was kind of a fat chick thing.
Yeah.
You know what I found out like later in life and it felt weird.
Not like I was trying to fuck Tweety Bird but I found out it was a guy.
Tweety Bird's a guy.
I didn't know if it was like, I thought it was like a...
You just felt, ugh.
I didn't know it was a guy or girl,
I never even thought of it.
I wasn't trying to fuck Tweety Bird.
I wasn't perverted when I was a kid, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah.
What's the number one cartoon you'd fuck?
Tommy Pickles, still.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
The Jewish American family.
Yeah, I know, they had a Passover special. Yeah, I know.
They had a Passover special.
Yeah, early representation for you.
I like staying under the radar.
I don't like flashing around.
You're hiding out.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, Rugrats is living out loud a little too much.
Yeah, yeah.
Just like the squish of Tommy Pickles' diaper.
I like being more closeted about my Judaism.
Yeah, yeah.
Or addict about my Judaism.
Oh, Lord.
Come on now. Come on.
I can make those jokes.
You can make those jokes.
Your family's 100% German.
Mine?
Yeah.
No, Walker's English name.
I don't know if I have much German in me.
Walker, Northern England.
Oh, from the north.
Yeah, blimey.
Northern England, like the factory records.
Yuck.
Oh, you're from York.
Loafle.
You're from like a like a coal
town. A coal town yeah yeah. Cross-eyed Anglo like drunks yeah yeah yeah good
people. They get wasted early. They get wasted early. Because the bars closed
at like what midnight or something? Yeah yeah. So they get pretty tipsy. So by like six they're blacked. Yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah it's nasty. What's the most fun city to drink in from your days on the road?
I don't know.
I'm just like a raging alcoholic, so probably just the van on the highway.
Just like in the back seat alone, like thinking about killing yourself.
I'd say Tokyo.
Yeah, Tokyo's a good place to drink too.
It is really good.
You can smoke inside.
It's pretty cool.
They're like bummed if you smoke outside.
Yeah.
Well, I did... I was there with our boys.
I was in Tokyo.
We did... I did scar tissue in karaoke. Karaoke I did, I was there with our boys. I was in Tokyo. We did, I did scar tissue
in karaoke. And I asked if they had red hot chili peppers and they were like, they didn't
know what it was. And then they were like, oh, the red chilies.
They call them the red chilies over there.
They call them the red chilies over there.
Very nice. John Frasante.
I crush scar tissue.
Yeah? You like John Frasante?
I like, I like uh
The Brown Bunny soundtrack?
The solo stuff where he came back from
rehab and his voice
was falsetto. Yeah, he kills it.
Smile from the streets of old.
That'd be so funny if you came back from rehab
and you were like, hey dude, what's up?
Yeah, and I had a low-fi damage. I'm living clean and sober now!
And I did the
soundtrack for Brown Bunny,
that movie where the dude got a blowjob.
I thought that Vince Aguil did all of his own soundtracks.
I mean, it was Vince Aguil.
No, I think John Frishante had a hand in that.
They kind of look a little similar.
John Frishante, call in.
What did Dave Matthews say?
Nothing?
Never got back to me.
He's busy jamming.
He's in the middle of a half hour jam right now of 41.
Dude, he's ripping ants marching right now. We'll close it. Of 41. Dude, he's just, he's ripping Ants Marching right now.
Yeah.
Did you trip?
Were you tripping?
I did Ice Cold Fatty.
You what?
I did Ice Cold Fatty.
Like a joint?
No, in the, after you go see a Dead Show, you go to the lot.
You go to Shakedown Street.
Sure.
And that's really half the experience is fucking.
They call it Grey Street in the Dave Matthews Caravan.
Yeah.
Gray Street?
Yeah.
Why is that?
Because he has a song called Gray Street.
Makes sense, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I went to Shakedown and my one boy's sober and he's.
Nice.
He's a wharf rat.
But he's like, I got to show you the experience. He's a wharf rat. But he's like, one of the, he's like, I gotta show you the experience.
He's like, I'm gonna get you an ice cold fatty.
Okay.
And it was a balloon.
Oh, you did a Whip It.
Yeah.
But then like the balloons guys were like,
there was like a hippie guy that had two
and he was doing it.
He's like, this is the best part of my life, man.
Yeah.
I did Whip It's before and I pissed my pants.
Really?
Yeah, I was sitting in a
lawn chair doing whip its around a fire when I was in high school and did whip
its and I just immediately started pissing my pants and I was like it's beer
I spilled beer like I had to like get out of it somehow. You got out of it? Then I
drove drunk home. Neon neon. What is that song? John Mayer. I was. Da da, ba ba.
Wow.
So you could do any of his songs?
Yeah, I could play anything from the John Mayer songbook.
Fucking amazing.
Yeah.
Including wearing a Pukashell necklace
and having like a shaved chest.
Yeah, I can do it.
He shaves his chest?
He's got to, yeah.
He's got a good body.
Yeah.
He's got a great body.
He did say that one thing in Playboy magazine.
What?
How his dick is like David Duke.
He's got a white supremacist dick?
He was just basically like he was not
attracted to black women.
Oh, damn.
He could have put that any other way.
That's a crazy way to put it.
He could have put that any other way.
My dick is like Adolf Hitler.
What about you?
Who would my dick be compared to?
Uh, probably, um, who's the...
Who's the second guy in Garden State
that's not the dude from Scrubs?
Mm.
Uh, Maggie Gyllenhaal's husband.
Yeah, Maggie Gyllenhaal's husband's dick.
Why?
Just because in the mid 2000s, they kind of went in this quirky twee thing.
It was a serious sort of role player throughout the 90s.
It was very dedicated to the craft, learning, off-Broadway, sort of small black box situations.
And then in the mid-2000s, once the shins dropped, it was like, I'm twee now.
So I don't know, could you maybe put Nick and I in touch with these guys?
Yeah, definitely.
I'd like to work on it together.
If you could get my music synced in it, then we could all sort of benefit from it equally.
Do you want to maybe write a theme song maybe for the Adam Friedland show?
Yeah I could write a song for the Adam Friedland show.
Do you want to just do it right now?
There's something in the way she moves.
Looks my way, calls my name.
It's called Something in the Way She Moves.
I think that's pretty good.
Yeah, definitely influenced by James Taylor and Carole King.
Riley Walker, everyone.
Thanks for watching.
Sorry, I'm not Nick.
Thank you.
We love him.