The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 624 - The Pinkerton Agency - Part One
Episode Date: March 12, 2024Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine The Pinkerton Agency Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources Factor Meals - Code TPT50 Squarespace Helix Sleep - Code: HELIXPARTNER20...
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Absolutely. You are a middle-aged man. You are a middle-aged man. No, I'm not. I'm the kid. First of all, first of all
I'm not gonna listen to some old guy shout to me about age. First of all
How? Well, what age do you think middle age starts?
I know it starts around the age I am but I'm not that. I'm a young guy
You are not a young man. You're an old-
Would a young guy be putting a pimple patch on his nose? No, I don't think he would be.
Why are you pimples?
You're a middle-aged man.
This is, okay, so what am I?
What am I?
That's the weird thing.
As far as being, I will admit, I'm a...
Middle-aged man.
No, I am a teen-ager.
And that's the end of my statement.
I'm young. This is what the beauty of my statement.
I'm young.
This is what the beauty of my role in it, you're always going to be older than me.
I'm always the kid.
Yeah, but you know who else is a teen?
Who?
You know, it's a Newt Gingrich.
You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network.
This is an American History Podcast for each week.
I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American History
to my op.
Garrett Reynolds is just kind of a little scam,
but there's no idea what the topic is gonna be about.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh dude, I was at the mall the other day doing Ollie's,
on my skateboard, and we did two pops,
and they were nuts.
And then me and my friends, we went down to Claire's,
and we got our-
Clifters?
Pierced, yeah, Claire's.
Do you even know what it is?
No.
Yeah, so we, the dollop, we are going on tour.
We are going to be in Australia.
It's, this tour starts on May 12th.
We hit all the big cities.
We hit Perth, we hit Adelaide. We hit
Melbourne. We hit Sydney and Brisbane. We don't hit any of the other cities. And if you're wondering
why it's, oh, Canberra, we also hit, we don't hit any other ones. And the reason why is because
your cities aren't good enough. And I want to say I'm in Texas and I've been spreading the word here
about the Aussie tour. So I would buy tickets now because people here seem pretty interested in grabbing those
while they're.
A lot of people are flying in from Texas to see the shows.
Yeah.
A lot of people are going to.
Yeah, no, we're going to.
Our goal is to A, do good shows, B, make so much money and C, bring as many Texans to
Australia as possible.
Really give them a...
I think yes, yeah.
Cause they, I think they feel, they call, you know,
they're like, we got Bogans.
We've got like Bogans everywhere.
These Bagans, yeah.
You want to see what a Bogan is?
Get ready, Texas is Bogan country.
Ah, geez.
Take a time.
Well, let's just do this.
July 21st, 1918.
That's year of our Lord.
Jesus Christ, also known as J-Town.
A lot of people aren't familiar with his work, but he's pretty rad.
I would call Jesus a J-Town extreme.
And I think a lot of the kids would too.
And I just... Well, I'll tell you, as a kid, we're not. I I think a lot of the kids would too. And I just wanted to.
Well, I'll tell you, as a kid, we're not.
I want, you're not a kid.
I am, I'm a kid.
Why am I getting a pimple on my nose
that I put a pimple patch on?
Because you don't wash yourself.
That is a crazy thing to say.
What are you talking about?
Hey, will you show me how to shave?
Alan Pinkerton was born to...
whoa why do you know that name? Wait what's the last name? Pinkerton. Yeah yeah yeah.
You do know that name. Interesting. Interesting. So you do know some stuff about history.
Alan Pinkerton was born to William and Isabella Pickerton in Glasgow, Scotland.
Oh, crikey. What have we done? What have you popped out yourself? This guy's going to be an absolute nightmare.
Why have we done this? Yeah.
Because you shagged me a nice and proper.
Crikey. I should have just snapped one off in the lamb.
In the what?
In the sheep.
I should have just snapped one off in there to prove it.
Imagine the ripple effect if I've just gone out to the fields
and, you know, taken one right to the edge of a cliff
and let it try to back into me.
Do you know what you're saying?
Yeah, well, this is a bit, yeah, this is...
I gotta be honest, I am really stuck on snapping one off in a sheep.
Yeah, well, people haven't haven't shown getting on that one.
By the way, that's called filling Haguez.
So Alan was one of seven surviving siblings.
OK, he spoke with a thick Scottish Brogue his whole life.
OK, you can have fun with that.
Alan's father died when he was
died when he was 10.
And Al Allen then left school and wait,
who died when he was 10?
Alan's dad is dad. Yeah.
OK, I think you said Alan died when he was 10,
which I was like, I don't know how much I'm going to do the next over.
Yeah, it was really fast.
So he becomes an apprentice for
a cooper, which is a barrel maker.
Sure.
So fun.
Yep.
Right.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
At 19, Alan became, uh, active in chartism.
Just making charts, figuring it out.
That's right.
Just charting out, graphing, charting.
It's a working class movement.
Oh, okay.
What are they doing?
I don't know the charting shit.
Charting, yeah.
He meets at Mary's Joan Carfe.
She's 15.
He's 22.
Nice lesson.
Don't worry about it.
It's different era.
It's fine.
Alan participated in the Newport arising, where about 4,000
Chartists marched on Newport prison in Wales, demanding the release of
Chartist prisoners.
And then soldiers shot at them and dozens died and the
tons of people were injured.
And then hundreds of Chartists are jailed or shipped off to Australia.
Jesus. Yeah.
And so it sounds like the seeds of him are, pardon, are like activist, anti-incarceration.
I mean, you definitely get that impression from the way this is starting that here's
a guy who was, you know, marching on prisons and in a working class movement.
You think he would maybe continue on that path?
Yeah, keep charting that course.
So now fearing arrest, he and his wife flee to Canada.
It's not that great.
So after a short time, they moved to Illinois.
Okay. It's not that great. So after a short time they moved to Illinois Okay
He comes home one day and he tells Joan
This is this is when he's going to
Illinois he comes home and he tells John look I got I got steamer tickets
I've got a baby sit down. I've got steamers
But she begs him to delay the trip because she'd put a deposit down on a hat.
What year is this?
18...
What year is it where she can't go on a steamer because of a hat deposit?
We're like 1840s.
It feels very right.
That feels very right.
And steamer tickets just to go on a steamboat.
Right. Okay. Cool.
So they waited a week. The ship heatbook to Cleveland on.
Okay. Has a boiler explosion and everybody dies.
Oh, shit.
So if you're if you're nowhere, this story is going. One of the most evil men in the history of America
was, did not die because of a hat.
If it weren't for a weird hat, yep, right.
So they're in Illinois now.
They are going to, they're going to go to Navu, which is the place founded by Joseph Smith
two years earlier. Jesus this guy's
Bingo, why I don't know why they're going there
But and that was like one of the places where Mormons tried to settle and everyone was like get out of here
Yeah, though. Yeah, they were definitely chased out
But as their head of that they get robbed and everything that they have is taken so they end up in Chicago
I wouldn't leave the house you the steamers should have killed you and the second you go to,
you're trying to go on a trip, you're robbed. God is telling you not to come to America.
Yes. Yes. So they end up in Chicago. In 1842, Chicago has about 1200 people. It's a disgusting
place. The streets were, quote, the dumping ground of the community rubbish so that the
gutters were filled with manure, discharge, discarded clothing, and all kinds of trash threatening the public health
with their noctious fuvia. And now they call that a sludge on the streets the Chicago Bears.
Wow. Wow. What? So people are taking some shrapnel that maybe don't deserve it.
Oh, what? So people are taking some shrapnel
that maybe don't deserve it.
Yeah, it's not the bears, I mean, Jesus.
Trafford quarter by.
How is your Afluvia, by the way?
Afluvia?
After about a year, they moved to the Scotch settlement
of Dundee, which is about 40 miles away.
Okay.
They ended up having three kids, Billy, Bob and Joan.
Okay.
Joan was called Pussy.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Go ahead.
Which is a Scottish term of endearment.
True.
Also American if you think about it.
Yeah, absolutely.
Wow.
Pussy, get in this house. You're not allowed to say that here.
Oh, has anyone seen pussy? I'm looking for pussy. I'm after my pussy. You're good,
almighty. I'm dying for some pussy. Where's pussy? Haven't seen pussy at ages.
Oh, I wouldn't give to just have a bit of pussy with me again.
I'm gonna have dinner with pussy today.
Pussy, come inside.
It's almost as if you can just keep doing it.
No, not at all.
No, you'll never like to tell you one thing.
You'll never get tired of the pussy.
That's not going to happen.
Have I ever told you the story about when we had it
when I was a kid, we had a dog and it was white and we named it honky.
Oh, no, God, you may may have, but that's terrible.
And our closest, the family we were closest with was a black family and one time we went
out of town and they were watching the dog and the dog got out and then there's a black
couple that walked in, a white nip around yelling honky.
Honky, honky honky honky I was like yes are you looking for us
pussy here come on then have you seen pussy i've lost pussy
so uh alan works as a cooper uh while he's cutting one wood day, he sees the remnants of a campfire. And he
suspects something's off about this. So he goes and tells the sheriff who forms a posse,
which includes Alan, and they arrest a group of counterfeiters.
Okay. Okay. What's the campfire tying?
I don't know. He just thought it was a weird place, I guess, for like something was off. I don't know. He's like, wow, the campfire time? I don't know, he just thought it was a weird place,
I guess, like something was off.
I don't know, he's like, campfire.
In the 1800s, imagine seeing embers
and be like, that shouldn't be.
All I picture is just like fires wherever you want.
You spit, you piss wherever you want,
you like fires wherever you want,
you just are drunk all day.
Yeah, but this guy is like, oh.
Something's off.
I'm a nark.
Something's not right. Yeah, I thought it's not sitting well
So after this happens Alan becomes the the town hero everyone's like
Amazing everyone wants to hear the story of how he figured it all out and galp kept them all right gather round
I'm not gonna tell it all night there. I was
so he likes being the center of attention and he really likes it.
And so he starts, he starts getting a request to investigate other counterfeiters.
But he's like some kind of expert now because he's.
Yeah, he just found a campfire.
Yeah, he found, yeah, he found a campsite.
That's it.
But because of this becomes a part time freelance detective.
Oh, no.
When he's not better.
There are so many terrible things, little weird things that happen to allow this monster to exist.
Yes, yes.
The way he did.
I mean, it is.
That's sometimes the way those dominoes just fall and you're like, man, any one of those
not working out could have been real great.
Yeah, anyone.
His Cooper's workshop is also had, it was also stationed on the underground railway.
He was always on the correct side of slavery.
Okay.
Dundee, the city, the little town itself is mostly anti-abolitionist.
So Alan runs for sheriff on the abolitionist ticket and the local
Baptist pastor writes an open letter in the paper accusing Alan of being an atheist
Just a good time
I
Opposed to people you hate slaves
slaves so you don't be the god because you do not believe in slaves.
So he comes in ninth out of nine people in my election. So that's bad. Yeah.
But he was offered a deputy sheriff job in Cook County, so they moved back to Chicago.
job in Cook County, so they moved back to Chicago. And in 1849, the new mayor, Rigo, organizes the police department and he makes Alan the
first and only detective in the Chicago police department.
So after a year, Alan resigns and because he gets a job as a special agent with the
US Post Office.
A special agent with the US Post Office. A special agent with the US post office.
Yeah, special, very special.
So sort of like, and what this is, I mean, this is,
what are they, what's going on?
There were a ton of male crimes back then, literally,
like it was a really, that was a big deal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Settle down.
Take your little attitude and you know what I mean? Get it of here take you little take take it take you take Take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it Really? Like, were these like, oh god, there I go again. So, in his biggest case, he arrested Theodore Denson,
nephew of the postmaster Joe...
Wow, he was like, oh yeah, don't investigate those things though.
That's not what we're after.
You're under arrest.
United States Postal Service, put your hands behind your back.
I'm your boss. That's my...
No, you're under arrest as well. That boss. That's my no you're under arrest as well
That's my nephew. Yeah, you're all under arrest
You missed with the wrong. No, I'm your boss. Yes, PS
Yes, yes, come out with your mail debt in your hands
Yes, PS. Let me inside here. All right, put all your letters on the table. We're gonna have a wee look at them
Doesn't look right Man, save hair. All right, put all your layers on the table. We're gonna have a wee look at them.
Doesn't look right.
He, Alan, had found 3,741 hidden in cash behind paintings in the nephew's apartment.
I don't know what.
Yeah, for sure.
I think it was something.
What?
It's like the Joel Osteen of art.
So the Chicago Times prints an article about the investigation
and it's picked up across the country.
Quote to Alan Pinkerton is do all the credit of the detection.
We cannot attempt to enter into the detail of the surveillance upon this man.
Denison male depredations
are the most difficult to ferret out. For three weeks, Mr. Pinkerton has scarcely been
reposed in the devotion with which he has followed up the criminal until his body and
brain were nearly exhausted. As detective and police officer, Mr. Pinkerton has no
superior and we doubt he has any equals in this country.
Wow. So they really were like
It sounds almost as if he wrote it because often he did write these things. Oh really?
Yeah, he could have written this right. That's right. Dead sex as well
He's got a nice look he's got a lovely little bit of rugged he's not he's just
The kind of guy you see.
You want to be.
Women want to be with him.
Men want to be him.
Dogs like to look at him.
Yeah.
Lots of stuff going on.
I'll probably delete this bit later.
Yeah.
I hope so.
Okay.
Next, Alan and attorney Edward Rucker created a detective agency, the Northwestern Police
Agency.
But after a little bit, Rucker left to become a judge,
so Alan renames it the Pinkerton National Detective Agency.
And here we go.
Here we go.
Their motto was, we never sleep.
A large- That's a crazy motto.
It's terrible.
We're on mess!
Out of context, that's a trouble a troubling my like be like nobody works harder
No stone left unturned
Like we never sleep and be like buddy. I'm worried about you the picker. We can't sleep
We can't find the criminals because I'm out of my fucking mind
Everywhere
We see rats everywhere. A large unblinking eye was the trademark which the term private eye comes from.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Wow.
In a few years, he had five detectives.
Now there's no national law enforcement in the US at this point.
Right.
So, a lot of small...
So it's kind of a free for all.
Yeah, a lot of small times have no law enforcement whatsoever.
If someone robs a bank and goes across state lines or county lines or sometimes city limits,
he's free.
It would have been so hard to not be a criminal.
Yeah, still.
It is still.
Well, yeah, yeah.
Railroads made quick getaways easier for this kind of stuff.
So Alan sees this and becomes a sort of self-appointed cop without borders.
Okay. Great.
He's often credited with inventing the precursor to the FBI's 10 most wanted list.
He had this thing called the Rogues Gallery, which
was mugshots with notes of hundreds of criminals,
like, right, posted up and like.
The agency has two divisions, the preventative force
and the detective force.
Terrible, terrible, awful, awful, awful, awful.
Never good, the preventative force. It's never a good sign. And that's never good awful the preventative force it's never a good
time that's never good also the detective force which okay so the
preventative were like rent a cop operating guys in Chicago okay they're
the first police force ever to wear uniforms so dumb that first time has
been like what are you doing?
We have outfits.
We're dressing up.
We're doing it this way.
What do you think?
I want you guys to all look the same and do like a hey.
Corus line.
Let's go from the top.
It was a blouse, a vest, pants, cap, rubber, coat, belt,
lantern and baton.
Wow, lantern.
Lantern.
They also had a station house.
Okay.
So, other cops.
So, legit, yeah.
Yeah.
It's a private police force.
Yep.
The detective force are undercover agents.
They're more elite.
Unless they were out on an investigation,
they had to be at the agency waiting for assignment.
And they worked seven days a week, 80 hours per week.
Christ.
So it's a nightmare.
Well, they don't sleep.
They don't sleep.
That's the promise.
The agency offered no sick time, no medical benefits.
Detectives were forbidden from telling each other how much they were paid.
Wow.
Which would be hard to figure out if you're a detective.
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
By the mid-1850s, Pickerton received yearly retainers of $10,000 from six railroads.
Wow.
At first they were like secret shopper type guys, Narx kind of.
What exactly?
So the main thing they're doing is like, what is the railroads vested interest in this?
Because if they're on employees.
Oh, OK. Yeah. OK.
They're known as Cinder Dicks.
I mean, I just.
Come on.
I did it. Cinder Dick.
I feel like I already played the pussy card so much.
I don't really.
What is that even?
What is that?
Is that a combination?
Well, Cinder, I mean, I would imagine maybe that came from the, you know, the locomotives.
Cinderdecks.
The locomotives are powered by coal.
I don't know.
Maybe it's a fire.
Absolutely.
And sometimes they get their willies caught inside of them.
So they're cinderdecks.
You've been burned by coal in your tajer.
You ever had your John Thomas covered in embers?
Yes.
And then you've been a cinderdeck.
No, that's not what the doctor said.
You ever put your cock in cinnamon?
Cinderdeck.
You ever done that?
Detectives eat.
I have a book of 5000 sender deck beds.
Yeah, you should sell that and not give them away on the podcast.
Yeah, that's right.
It should be a side operation.
Yeah.
Detectives, even those just writing on the train had to submit a report to the agency
on what they saw on the train so they could then sell it to the railroad company and make
a little cash.
Oh, okay.
So, like, you would give them, like, whatever information.
Yeah, you'd give, yeah.
You'd like, this guy was in the bathroom for quite a while.
Yeah, that's right.
If you ever, I've never, this man had two cheese sandwiches.
Something's a little bit off with this guy.
So in 1856, a young woman named Katie Warren applied to the detective agency and
Alan was like no you're a woman that's like what's unfortunately after going through your
medical records it looks like you suffer from something
we call the female anatomy.
But she's like, look, I can go places men can't go like into women's clubs.
So he's like, oh, okay.
And he gives her a chance.
So Alan ended up hiring more women detectives over the years.
And now he's thriving.
His business is like killing it.
He'd hunt down kidnappers, he'd fix elections, whatever people wanted.
Sure.
Okay, great.
Good.
Yep.
He was also contracting with local police and the federal government.
And as railroads are making travel more accessible, there's more people on the move. And they
are going west for the gold rush, and they're carrying paper money. But before 1861, private
banks could print their own currency. So there's 7,000 types of currency.
And they were limited to the region, right? Like you couldn't take, would your bank currency
work in like across state lines?
I think if only someone would take it.
If someone would.
Yeah, but if you were like a bank, you'd be like,
eh, this looks like you, I mean, yeah.
I mean, that's why counterfeiters are just like popping off.
Well, if you're in, say Indiana and Chicago has a bank,
the biggest bank in Chicago has currency,
you, yeah, you'd probably take that currency. Yeah, right. But if it's biggest bank in Chicago has currency, you probably take that currency.
But if it's some bank in Tempe and you've never heard of it, that's maybe different.
This is from the bank of Ray.
They do great stuff.
So I was wondering if you guys could maybe take some Ray bucks?
Do you guys, hey, what establishments around here except Ray?
Do you guys take Ray coin?
We will take up to 10 rays
Okay, well, I have a bunch of rays to move so I'm looking to you. Okay. I'd like to buy some handguns and
some alcohols and
Couple kids are you okay with Billy's?
Yeah for change And a couple kids. Are you OK with Billy's? Yes.
For a change?
OK.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'll take some Billy's.
Here, let me give you the 50 Rays.
I have a Kathleen.
And then why don't you give me nine Billy's back?
OK.
Great.
And this is a better system.
Much better.
So obviously, there's a shitload of counterfeit notes because it's so easy to do, which means
a lot of business for Alan Pickerton.
So he's hired to find out who is stealing packages from the Pittsburgh, Fort Wayne,
and Chicago railroad.
So someone's ripping off packages and they want to know
who's doing this. Ripping off packages just on the train
that the trains transporting. Right.
So Allen sends 10 detectives down there to find and befriend
this gang of thieves that he assumes it is.
So infiltrate the gang, become friends with them.
So no more uniforms for this. No, this is this is deep undercover.
Right. I'd be great if one guy showed up in his uniform. Let's get him. Fuck it. What what?
Let's get him. Hey, where are you guys outfits or not? Okay? Why could we didn't wear your outfit undercover? Oh
Okay
Hmm Trying to think on my toes here a little bit. Well, why don't we all pitch on what I should wear or how I could convert this outfit and I'll go with my pitch when
we're ready because I don't love it. So, hear me out. We have to kill you in front of them
now. No, nude. We'll kill you nude then. I'll go naked. No, don't kill me. I'll just go
naked. Very sorry. Nobody will think it's weird naked. No, don't kill me. I'll just go naked.
Gary saw you.
Nobody will think it's weird.
Here, why don't we do this?
Everyone throw one item of clothing in this pile and I'll just wear that and we'll call
me Hodgepodge.
And then just be like, oh, it's everybody Hodgepodge.
And maybe I'll say some weird stuff.
No, I won't.
Like I'll be like, yeah, I'm wearing a sock on my hand and yeah, I got a pant leg on
my arm and then you just got, and then they'll go, that's on my hand and yeah, I got a pant leg on my arm and then
you just got, and then they'll go, that's a weird guy and go, we call this guy Hodgepodge.
And then that'll probably cover all our bases.
Now I want to kill you just-
It's a good plan.
Because of the plan.
Let's get one item of clothing in the middle.
So one of the operatives is a guy named Timothy Webster who is an English immigrant and an
XNYC cop.
So, agents are surveying for months.
They can't get anywhere with this.
They don't know who it is.
They can't figure out who's doing the thing.
So, Alan, plants boxes of marked goods on the train.
Goods.
This one will also say goods. And plants boxes of marked goods on the train. Goods.
This one will also say goods.
This one will say real-life goods.
So that night, the train agent signals that the boxes have been stolen.
And he says he can identify the people who stole them.
Which is, of course he could, because Detective Timothy Webster had rented a cart and taken
the boxes to the houses of some guys and asked them, he's like, hey, can you store these boxes
for me for a little while? And then they said, okay. And then he raided the houses and acted
like they were the thieves. And he was like, yeah, those are the boxes, they're, they're marked.
And he was like, yeah, those are the boxes, they're Mark.
Listen, I would have honestly put myself in a box.
That's what I would have done. So he just whatever wanted to end the case.
And so just basically...
Get paid?
Yeah, he was probably like,
we're not gonna catch these guys, it's been months,
let's not, it can happen.
Right, so he's like, hey, do you guys want,
congratulations, you've just won the package contest
of the month.
Really? Yeah, you get this whole stack package contest of the month. Really?
Yeah, you get this whole stack of boxes and packages.
Take these.
Thank you.
There you are.
Thank you.
Yeah, and you're just holding them.
So you know.
Okay.
Right, all right.
Have a good day.
All right, bye.
That guy's great.
Hello.
You're out of your ass for package theft.
The law of you, you're bastards.
You can't even do this.
This is an absolute crime. That's the sickness that lives law of you, you bastards! You can't even do this! This is an absolute crime!
That's the sickness that lives inside of you!
Yeee-de-ay pieces of crap!
Why, you're such huge piles of slobbery shit!
You may as well be called the Chicago Sewers!
You probably haven't heard of a ring camera?
Ring camera?
Because I've had one for like a month.
What?
It records the whole...
It records everyone who comes to my door and what they say. Well then wouldn't it just like a month. What? It's records the whole, like records everyone who comes to my door
and what they say.
Well then wouldn't it just record a bunch of things
maybe you don't want and the police can use it against you?
Yeah, but in this case,
I have recording of a guy bringing me packages and then,
and then it's fine, I can tell walk three.
Let's get that piece of shit, we'll find him.
I'm with you guys. We'll get him.
We'll absolutely get him. So obviously they just frame some dude.
Aleph had told his detectives to quote, to go in with the thieves if he deemed it necessary
to maintain his standing, to go in and commit the crime, not to induce the crime, but if
men were willing to steal, to go in and commit. So, not to induce the crime, but if men were willing
to steal to go in and commit. So he basically just told him to wait. He's basically just
saying basically just frame. However you can get people to commit crime or however we can arrest
people, it makes me look good. That's right. They may and make a little money. Right. Right.
The gang members were arrested and a detailed count was printed in the papers and the
Pinkerton's are praised, right?
They've done this amazing job.
Two months later in court, the train agent changes his story saying he actually didn't
see anything and the jury takes 10 minutes to acquit.
Wow.
Okay.
So then that undoes the goodness.
It does.
The Pittsburgh Gazette, quote, the agony is finally over.
It was a goodly sight to see how easily Pickerton's bag of wind was
punctured.
But,
okay. A bag of wind,
but it's still a success story for the Pickerton agency because the bust had been
printed all over the country with the agency as heroes.
And that's what people remember.
So Allen is now rich and he's connected and he's hanging out with elites through his railroad
connections.
And he frequently spoke to the Illinois Central Railroads legal consultant, a little fellow
named Abraham Lincoln.
Oh, wow.
Alan also made money by protecting the rails from vandals. So in 1856, the agency was hired
after obstructions were put on the Michigan Southern railroad tracks.
Okay.
They build a little shanty in the woods nearby where this had happened.
And then two detectives go in the shanty and they're in there for weeks watching the railroad
tracks.
Eight.
Jesus.
Eight weeks.
It gets pretty real when...
I mean, let's be honest.
It's pretty insane.
It's insane.
There's definitely jacking off going on.
There's a lot of weird stuff going on in there.
I mean, at some point, one week you keep up appearances,
two weeks, I mean, they're probably not showering.
Yeah, I wonder what the cooking situation is.
Yeah, well, they probably were just eating dried cured meats.
And I mean, it just had to be like literally the worst.
It's terrible.
I mean, we know we're two men.
It's like we and we're like men of now.
So like we try to hide that.
But the two men in the 1850s or some version of that living in a shack.
Horrible.
Just probably eating dried pork.
Yeah, that's it.
Just try it all day watching. Literally a pile of dried pork. Yeah, that's it. Just try it, but all day watching.
Literally a pile of dried pork in the corner.
Yeah, and they're just sitting there.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hey man, did you jerk off in the pork pile?
Oh, that was pork pile?
Ah man, come on.
I thought it was the porn pile.
No, God damn.
So they see after eight weeks, they see two men come and lay three railroad ties across
the track.
Three railroad ties.
I believe railroad ties are the the the wooden part of the.
Okay.
I believe so.
Okay.
Someone's going to yell at me if I'm wrong, but whatever. It'll be me.
But somehow they don't catch the guys
or remove the ties before the train came.
So they were fucking all right.
Okay, so you're in a shack for two months
with basically one reason.
Yeah, for this.
By the way, they're not paying attention.
No, absolutely not.
By this point, they're like, you know, but I don't know.
It's like, I guess in retrospect,
he was just a complicated guy, you know, like he was busy.
And so I just know with my kids, I'm trying to I'm trying to do better.
And I definitely am not all the way where I need to be, but Marcy is so helpful.
I got to say, I like hearing from you and these little sessions where we put on eye
masks and talk for a couple hours, it's really great.
Oh, I don't know what I'd do without our gaps.
I really don't.
Yeah.
It might be weird to say this, but it feels like they sent us here for an intimacy exercise.
Yeah.
And I mean, look, if that's what comes out of this,
and that's, you know, I think the real crime,
honestly, is the crimes we've been committing
against ourselves emotionally for 30 years.
Yeah, no, you're right.
What was that noise, by the way?
I think the trains derailed.
Wow, that was loud.
We're gonna lose our jobs.
Yeah, but there's people screaming out there, I hear.
No, there's like a big pile of dead folk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, Alan sends two more agents to watch.
What we need is more agents than this tiny little shanty.
So they find the arrest that two guys who were doing it and one it turns out was angry
because a train had killed his hunting dog. I am fully on that guy's side.
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The Rock Island Railroad Bridge was the first bridge to cross the Mississippi, and it was
built in the...
Oh, that's so funny, because there's a Johnny Cash song called the Rock Island Line.
It was built in the early 1850s from Rock Island, Illinois to Davenport, Iowa, and everyone
who used the river to transport their goods and just use the river, hated it.
It's a problem, but it causes problems on the river. So they want it torn down.
And so 15 Pinkerton's are hired to guard the bridge around the clock.
Okay. So the St. Louis Chamber of Commerce hires civil engineer
Joseph Bezel to testify that the bridge was creating cross currents
Which are causing I'd caused at least eight steamers and a lot of small boats to crash and sink
Okay in April 1860 a US district court judge orders the railroads to remove the bridge.
Okay.
Backing the railroads was the Chicago Tribune who wrote, quote, steamers have been chartered
for the express purpose of committing steamboat suicide on the bridge.
What?
The hell?
They're saying it's a fault.
They're saying it's a fault flag.
They're saying.
They're saying that people just just buying boats and crashing.
That's intentionally, this is just where, to get rid of what? To just get rid of their steamers?
They want the bridge gone. So they're, so they're thinking.
So they're just thinking, so they, in order to get rid, so for their own livelihood,
they're buying steamers and crashing them.
That's right.
Right.
So Bissell was arrested in Chicago and he was charged with plotting to blow up the bridge.
They just hired a testifier.
That's it.
Right.
So he was arrested and taken straight to the Pickerton's offices, where they held them for 24 hours and did not allow
him to contact anyone.
Special Deputy Timothy Webster assisted in the arrest.
The Chicago Democrat, quote, we are told from good authority that from the beginning
to the end, this is all a got-up case, and that it will
show the fate of all other cases in our courts where private detectives have been employed.
So they're just saying, like, not only is this one made up, but it's going to make the
whole house of cards fall with the Pinkerton's.
Like, they're lying about it.
Right.
Right. the Pinkerton's like they're they're lying about it right right the daily
Missouri Republican summed it up quote this is all fudge yeah that is a good
way to put it this is all fudge a Pinkerton testified Bissell had offered
him $5,000 to blow up the bridge and shipped fifty champagne bottles filled
with Greek fire to Chicago.
What?
With Greek fire champagne?
No, it's not.
It's actually something that explodes.
Bro, if you make a champagne called Greek fire, I'm there.
Greek fire. Greek fire was an incendiary chemical weapon manufactured and used by the Eastern Roman
Empire.
Okay, so it's a chemical weapon.
Wow.
Oh, here's the recipe.
Oh, Christ.
Let's go.
Andre Champagne.
And lighter food.
It's a crude oil with other things like pine
resin to increase the flames and potency.
Wow.
All right.
There you go.
There we go.
We all learned a little bit.
Good to know.
That'll come in handy.
So Bissell Santestified that he was, Bissell was in Rochester,
New York when he supposedly met with this Pinkerton
and the jury finds Bissell not guilty.
Once again, no, the Pinkerton's are lying.
Right.
That night, he is re-arrested for conspiring to burn the bridge.
He was then arrested for libel and for distributing a hand bill that slandered the judge.
Okay. But that charges were dismissed because no one could come up with the hand bill.
Is that important in something like this? They made it up and they didn't even print up a hand
bill. They didn't even bother to like, yeah, this is before they knew they had like plant evidence.
Well, Dominic, they've got us on that. You can't lay about that.
Well, damn it. They've got us on that. You can't lay about that. So
the civil war starts and
Bissell is in the
Engineer regiment building bridges across the south for the Union and
That after two years the case is just dismissed and
The Pinkerton's move on to other war business and it's just all forgotten even though they were clearly framing this guy
It's it's one of the it's like so funny to, not funny, crazy to hear early versions of, there's not really consequences to bullshit.
And like using power for negative and terrible stuff is like, you probably get away with it.
If you're doing it for the powers to be, then yeah.
Yeah.
It's normally going to, you'll probably, people will still
forget. Yeah. The, in 1861, Abraham Lincoln is elected,
and when he's elected, he plans to take a train from Illinois to D.C. and on the way
make 92 stops to like agree to supporters and do speeches and stuff. Sure. And the train
schedule is put in the papers.
And then Alan, he's like, I heard that the rebels want to stop Lincoln being sworn in.
And he sends agents, including Timothy Webster.
And they discover this conspiracy to assassinate Lincoln in Baltimore. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
So, Alan tells Lincoln that they're going to kill you.
What?
And Lincoln's like, look, I'm not going to just sneak into DC.
I'm going to make my stops, but then a railroad exec gets involved because all the railroad
guys know Alan.
And they convince him, like, Alan knows what he's talking about this
guy's top notch.
Oh yeah, he's he's stopped a bunch of crimes that he started.
He's really like he's on his own trail all the time.
He stopped so many crimes that he made up that I can't even like count.
Oh, he he's the only guy who can bust himself.
He really is like one step ahead of himself.
Always.
Yeah. It's just incredible.
So he makes, he still makes all a bunch of railroad stops. But he meets with Alan in
Philadelphia and for this, for this meeting he wore disguise. Lincoln did.
Who did? Lincoln did?
Can you guess what?
Wait, you just took the hat off?
It was a smaller hat.
Who the hell is that guy? That's really all he did. Is you guess what? Well, you just took the hat off. It was a smaller hat. Who the hell is that guy?
That's really all he did.
It was a smaller hat?
That was his disguise.
It was a smaller hat.
He wore like a bowler.
Hey, is that Abraham Lincoln?
No, look at the hat.
Yeah, you're right.
Hello.
My name is Laberham.
Lincoln.
Anken.
The Pickerton agents were along the train route and they were using they would have lights to signal if there was trouble.
It's a really high tech.
And once in D.C.
Alan guides Lincoln, who Lincoln is wrapped in a shawl.
And he takes him.
Hello, hello there.
I'm a giant.
I'm a giant lady.
Hello.
My name is Affilia Chinbeard.
He takes him through the women's entrance of the.
Oh, excuse me, but don't worry.
Nothing I haven't seen before.
The Willard Hotel.
Hello.
And when Lincoln is safely in his suite,
Alan sends a telegram.
It was me all along.
Alan sends a telegram to his inner circle, quote,
plums delivery nuts safely.
That's code.
Hey, what?
It's code.
I did code.
What's going on, Alan?
Plums delivered nuts safely. Right. What's going on, Alan? Plums delivered, not safely.
Right.
What about Lincoln? Is he okay?
Plums delivered, not safely.
Right. Sounds delicious.
All excited to eat.
You're not safely.
Is the next president...
Did you get him into the hotel?
Lincoln's the knot! Where are the plums?
Oh. Fuck. Has the... Which one's the
nuts? Lincoln, who's the plum? Lincoln's the nuts. Where are the plums? Okay, so we,
the Pinkerton plums, got Lincoln the nuts into the hotel safely. So nobody knows. You've said this so many times that everybody knows.
Well, that seems like it's a pretty comedic moment. Hey, wheelbarrow out. That's me, Jack.
So no one actually, no one knows if there was really a plot to kill Lincoln or if Alan
was making it up.
Probably not.
Yeah, probably not.
Listen, and we would know if someone tried to kill Lincoln.
Yeah, well, he, yeah, I think that worked out.
Huh?
Yeah, it's fine.
I think that's why he's our oldest ex-president.
That's right.
It'd be great if he was still alive.
Weird.
Hello.
Chicago Mayor John Wentworth writes an editorial calling the whole thing a hoax.
Okay.
Wentworth is huge.
He's six foot seven.
So he...
Jesus Christ.
Back then, six foot seven.
Yeah.
He's a monster.
Huge.
So he could write whatever he wanted and no one would say anything.
I would say, sure, he's pretty tall.
So Allen is like, look, I'll thrash you if you do that again.
So when Worth writes another article,
and then the two men meet in front of a hotel
where Alan kicks his ass in front of a crowd.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, there's a downside to height when it comes to a fight.
You know what I mean?
It's like, I can't remember who.
Remember when Fox and again, I bring a lot to the show to give us a lot of history,
but remember when I'm Fox did the those like weird boxing matches and it was like
Maneut bowl fought William the refrigerator Perry.
It's just you get in, you get close. And it's really, there's a lot of downside to that.
Absolutely. Plus, if you're six, seven, nobody ever fights you. So once someone does, it's
like, yeah, right. You're like, Hey, what the hell? But but forever for the rest of
Alan's life, he is fighting the
hoax claim of the Lincoln assassination
that he stopped.
Right.
Alan later said Lincoln asked him to
stay in DC and form a
secret service.
But instead he returned to Chicago.
Again, no proof that that's what
happened.
That Lincoln did that.
Forever though, Allen would keep a picture of Lincoln in his office and he would basically
work the story of saving Lincoln's life into every conversation he had.
Probably also grew in its lore.
Oh, fuck yes.
So Allen joins the Union Army as a military spy.
He now has 24 agents and he sends five into the south of spies.
One was a former slave named John Scobo.
Jesus, that guy was probably nervous as shit.
So he went on different missions posing as a cook or a slave.
Sometimes he traveled with other agents posing as their servant.
Confederate officers would think he was illiterate, so they would, they would just leave documents
around in front of him or they would have conversations in front of him and he would
just get all this information.
And Alan ends up writing a book about John Scoble,
The Spy of the Rebellion, which is still,
it's on the CIS website today.
Also, Scoble probably didn't exist.
There's no records of him.
Also, think about the story I just told you.
So, a black guy is going down to the south
and sometimes as a spy being a slave.
Did you see any problems with this? I don't see why he would take the job.
And also like people are going to be like, here's my, bring the slaves, this new slave
is here.
Should we put documents on the table?
Like it's just the whole thing so fucking crazy.
How's everyone doing?
Yeah, right.
Four of Alan's detectives are arrested by the Confederacy
for being spies, all together at the same time.
And two came back in a prisoner exchange,
one does a year in jail and then is released
and has never heard from again.
And the last one, Timothy Webster was hung.
Wow. Which if you've heard the story up to this point is fine.
Wow, he's gone. Yeah.
Well, all that happened is fewer people can be framed.
Oh, come on. The man's dead. Have some respect.
You know how we do it when someone dies, we like him.
Hero Webster gone. He was the first Civil War spy to be executed. Another of
Pickerton's agents spent his time swindling the war department. Another was probably spying.
Man, you keep getting like glimmers of like,
another was probably spying for the Confederacy.
Okay.
Alan gave himself the title Chief of the Secret Service. And this is before there is a secret service that was formed. And so he traveled with General McClellan
and his job was to assess the strengthened movements of the enemy.
But he was terrible at it.
OK, he's supposed to be a spy expert, but all of his spy shit is bullshit.
Yeah, he's made it all up.
So the intel he's getting is questionable before the battle of of Ant, I don't know how to say this.
People are going to be mad.
Alan, freshly overestimated the strength
of a Confederate army.
So he's like, man, the army's big and they're fucking bad ass.
They actually had half the amount of men
and all those men were worn out and they were hungry and sick.
OK.
So it ends up being the bloodiest one-day battle in US history.
Wow.
23,000 soldiers are killed or wounded.
And at sunset, McClellan still thinks he's outnumbered.
And so, he decides not to attack and it allows Lee to withdraw safely.
Okay. But it's still seen as a victory for the North
because Lee withdrew,
but McClelland and Allen are severely condemned
by the War Department, Lincoln.
Right.
It is often called the worst intelligence failure
of the war.
Wow.
Pickerton really gets around with failure.
Like it's like, yeah.
Considering where it goes.
Lincoln fires McClellan.
It wasn't just because that there were other reasons he sucked, but.
And Alan, however, super loyal to McClellan.
So he resigns and he takes his spies
and he takes all of the files they have on Confederate troops.
He takes his ball and that's how much he cared about the Union.
Yeah, no, he wants to help.
Alan had made power.
Well, he's in the military.
He'd made powerful connections while he's serving.
So he uses that to advance his career even more
because all the military leaders are also businessmen.
Like all these guys. Shotgun, the Hedgehog Like all these guys came from like rich backgrounds and stuff.
Imagine.
So Alan's sons.
That's so strange.
Yeah, no one gets it.
It's the first time.
I don't understand.
It's the first time that that happened where rich people would get.
And the last, I believe.
So Alan's sons, William and Robbie,
who are known as Billy and Bob, they had run away from school. And don't forget my daughter.
Sweet, sweet, pussy. They had run away from school as teens. So Alan trained them as detectives.
Okay. And so the whole time when he was off doing his war stuff, the agencies stayed open.
They had another guy running it and new branches were open in other cities.
So they're expanding during the war by the 1860s.
Pinkerton has 200 operatives.
Samir Felker, who is a detective, not for the Pinkerton, it's a different detective,
gets caught selling stolen bonds.
And he said he was doing an investigation.
And so he was like working with the...
And so...
By the way, any crime that you get caught,
that is the best thing to do, I think.
Absolutely.
Just to be like, you know,
someone finds you with like Coke and you're like, I'm working, I'm trying to, I think. Absolutely. Just to be like, you know, someone finds you with like Coke and you're like, I'm working,
I'm trying to, I'm a cop.
I'm a cop.
This is an investigation.
I'm trying to get, I'm blowing the lid off of this situation.
I'm on the inside.
Hey, I'm your boss.
I'm on your side, man.
I hate this stuff. Let's find the guys who are doing it.
Let's go all the way to the top with this.
So Alan doesn't like this guy
and he convinces the district attorney to investigate.
And but he's also like,
but we should do the investigating
because the cops aren't that great.
Weird.
Right. So he's just drumming up fucking business. And we have such a great track record. do the investigating because the cops aren't that great. Weird, right.
So he's just drumming up fucking business.
And we have such a great track record.
But anything he's doing is just drumming up business.
That's everything he, this whole fucking day.
Yes, it's all, right, you're right.
Imagine.
So Alan has an agent go undercover as a robber
and sure enough, Felker agrees to buy that guy's bonds.
Okay.
But he told the cops and the agent was arrested.
So Felker tells the cops that this guy
is gonna sell him bonds, so the Pickerton gets arrested.
Right, right.
So at, I mean, they were probably like, you're not allowed to do that.
That's what...
What are you doing?
That's what...
He took our game plan.
I mean, he must have known.
The guy must have made it so obvious that he wasn't a real robber, right?
Like...
Right.
Yeah, right.
So at the trial, Allen and Felker almost get into a fistfight, or do get into a fistfight. Sorry.
Alan testified he employed the agent who tried to sell the bonds.
And Felker looked at Alan and said, quote, you damn old thief, you.
And then Alan pulled the pistol.
Oh, OK.
And the crowd grabbed him and stopped him from shooting
Fulker and then Alan apologized to the core.
He's like, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
You know how, look, I'm very passionate.
Yeah.
I really am.
I just love this stuff.
It's so excited.
I didn't pull the trigger.
I'm very emotional.
I'm an emotional guy.
I get so excited about the client.
You're the way I am. I'm a bit of a wild man.
Yeah. I mean, if I'm guilty of anything, it's about feeling too much.
It's caring too much. I've got the biggest heart.
I've got an enormous heart. That's the problem.
That's me.
So that's what this is.
So, uh, he then now apologizes to the court.
He's like, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pulled the gun.
Uh, yeah. OK. He's like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pulled the gun. Yeah, okay. That's cool. But because of all the
shit going on, the case is dropped. Like it's just
bananas. Right. It's right. Falker is then arrested in the court on another charge and extradited to Ohio.
Okay.
But I don't know what happened with that, but years later, he
became a Secret Service agent.
Hmm.
Very interesting, isn't it?
In 1868, a man pulled the gun on Allen as he was walking into a saloon.
And Allen grabbed the gun and then other people helped out and the man was arrested.
Okay.
The guy claims that Alan paid him one thousand to him to quote show that he was a brave man
that he might receive the sympathy and the reward offered. I mean he is a criminal obviously. I mean it goes out saying that so it's all just,
I mean yeah he's very good at setting up the theatrics that make him seem heroic.
Which is why this happened because he's a marketer. No Alan Alan thought
The gunman was hired by Samuel Felker
Wait the gunman is saying oh
Oh, okay, I see right and Alan is saying right Felker hired this guy has hired right right
So the government is put in jail.
So no one knows what story is true.
OK.
And then the guy admits when he's in jail
that Falker promised him a secret service job
if he killed Alan.
Wow.
Which is actually doing killings
is how a lot of secret service agents
are getting their jobs.
Oh, my God.
That's not great. Obviously, nothing.
It's like everything in this country.
No, I know.
I know. It's like Charlie, there's like you're not allowed to have any.
There's nothing good.
Like America's like army archer, the country.
You're just like, what?
He didn in ribs.
Felker was tried and found not guilty of a tentative murder
for hire.
OK.
Allen realized he could make money
renting out guards to capitalists
across the country during labor strikes.
Here it is.
Here we go.
Here we go.
And states were creating laws allowing agents to be paid by a company and basically being
police.
Right.
So, the first time the Pinkerton sent in men to a strike break was in 1866 at Bradwood,
Illinois.
Over the next 18 years, they were strike breakers in at least 70 strikes.
Wow. In hundreds of other cases, Pickerton.
It's crazy that they were overworked, had no benefits, and they saw all these strikes
and were never like, hey, we should, uh, should we?
Right. Should we strike? Should we strike?
So fucking crazy.
Wait, wait, hold on. If we strike, we gotta kill ourselves.
Yeah, we do.
Unfortunately, then, we will be,
we'll have to arrest ourselves.
It's a quite a conundrum.
Good idea, though.
Yeah, it was a good idea.
I had the idea.
I guess we just keep up with the shit pay and no free hours.
Yeah, yeah, we'll just never sleep.
Wait, listen, it says it in our logo.
We never sleep, so what did you expect?
You know, we should strike force sleeping.
Here we go.
Every time.
No, we can't.
Every time.
See?
Part of the problem is we haven't slept in so long.
We don't know what we're talking about anymore.
And how does it about the cases?
Pickerton's guarded company private property against vandalism.
We'll never know how many strikes were infiltrated by Pickerton's posing as laborers. Like, it's just not.
Right.
In 1868, the Pickerton's got involved.
Was that the main thing they would do? I mean, the main thing they would do is just like
get in their act. That was the main...
They would, I mean, they would do all... Yeah, they would get in and they would they would infiltrate the strong arm and they would they would
you know go in is like acting as a union guy they would just do tons of shit to
stir up so be some like some maybe would be like regular and be like hey you guys
we're gonna beat the shit out of you and then another Pinkerton like like a
labor guy would be like hey man they seem pretty serious we should probably not
strike I mean look I'm all for it, but it seems pretty dangerous.
Hey, we should burn down the shop and then they burn it down and then they're
like, see, they're just like, yeah, it's all it's all of it.
They do everything.
So fucking easy.
Yeah, it is easy.
And it just key that the playbook is just run over and over and over again.
100%.
So in 1868, the Pickerton's got involved
in trying to stop the train robbing Reno gang.
They captured three of them.
But as they were being transferred by train,
a vigilance committee stopped it and hung the robbers.
Wait.
Wait. So they're like, damn it, they're going to get freed. No,
we're going to hang them. Hey, wait, what? No, they were going to be tried. Yeah, right.
And then they stopped. It wasn't even that they were going to be freed. They were just
like, we should kill these guys. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying if you like, if
the train stops all of a sudden, God damn it, now they're going to free these guys.
We were going to try them and they're like, now we're going to hang them. you're like, God damn it, now they're gonna free these guys. We were gonna try them and they're like, now we're gonna hang them. You're like, you're worse?
You're doing the worst thing to us?
So three other Reno men were captured,
but they were also then hung by a vigilance committee.
Oh.
Some Reno men escaped to Canada
and they weren't extradited until it was agreed
they would be kept safe from vigilance committees.
Right.
They were then hung by a vigilance committee.
What the fuck?
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
Good Lord.
I love how Canada has always been the respite.
We're always just like, go to Canada.
It's okay there.
I already get to Canada.
So this caused an international incident because they had sent them back with the promise
that they wouldn't be hung by a vigilance committee.
But to Allen and then they were at talent success, the lynchings that ended the Reno
gang.
Great.
So papers condemned the hangings, but no one is arrested.
And then Felker pops up in the Chicago Tribune. Quote,
Samur Falker, detective, says he offered to arrest the real robbers.
Morton and Thompson protested against being put in charge of Pinkerton detectives as they
feared Pinkerton would cause them to be lynched as Reno and Anderson were.
So Allen said he'd been responding to Falker's lies like this all summer and quote, a greater
liar never lived, Munchausen not accepted.
Wow.
A thou.
He says a thousand witnesses will say that he was in the city, not in Indiana when the
lynching occurred.
But Pinkerton's, it turns out, had planned the lynchings.
Hmm. And years later, Alan wrote letters about having to deal with an ex
employee who was blackmailing him for five hundred thousand dollars to keep
the truth about the lynching secret.
And so there's the hero of the story.
The blackmailer.
Wow, that's crazy.
Literally every situation Pinkerton does something terrible.
It's crazy.
Every situation.
Yeah.
It's all bullshit.
And you know, he went to the railroad guys and he's like,
look, here's how we can really
get rid of the Reno gang.
We could send them to try but they'll get off.
But if we get a vigilance committee working with us and we just hang them all, that'll
be over.
Right.
It's really great.
Yeah, no, it's cool.
It's cool because it's so successful.
That's right.
At age 50, Allen had a massive stroke.
Nice.
They're sorry.
Sometimes he root for the stroke.
Sometimes.
He spent two years relearning to walk and talk.
His side was partially paralyzed for the rest of his life.
He may never bullshit again.
He's got a real hard time lying.
He might have a bit of, look, with a lot of work and rehab,
within three to four years, he might be able to bullshit,
but we just don't know.
It depends how hard he wants to.
I didn't have a stroke.
He's doing pretty good.
So when he was emotional now,
his hands shook and his speech became slurred.
So his sons took over running the agency and Allen would give orders from his rocking chair.
Wow.
This is a fun picture. I've just painted.
Yeah, no, that's really cool. It's like.
It's like just it's a weird evil.
It's like, yeah, yeah, I was I mean, it's like just, it's just a weird evil. It's like, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's, I mean, it's, you know,
it's, but it's an evil succession, but come on.
So the agency just keeps growing.
By the early 1870s, they had 2,000 employees,
thousands of reserve agents, and they start going West.
But people, people don't admire them
like the Chicago people did. Bandits out West are seen as heroes and Pickerton's are paid assassins. That's how they see it.
Right. In 1866, the James Younger gang began robbing banks and the Kansas City Times turns
them into heroes. In 1871, they robbed the Okobok bank in Iowa now the Okoboks hire the Pigartons and
Bob Pigerton comes to track them down to Missouri
But no one will talk
So he gives up and goes back
His dad's like what are you talking about?
You should be lying.
So now the gang, James Young Green, starts robbing trains instead of banks.
And in 1874, the Adams Express hires the Pickertons and they send an agent to infiltrate the
gang. and they Said an agent to infiltrate the gang The day after the agent arrives in town his body is found in the road and he is shot
He must have not been very good at infiltrating would be no not at all
Hey, I agree. We should be going to trains. What's up? My name is Bryce. I'm also a full-on criminal
Let's do this.
A week later, Alan sends a former Chicago police captain who brings two other ex cops
with him.
And they're posing as cattle buyers.
The captain ends up shooting and killing John Younger and Jim Younger then kills the captain
and one of the cops. So after this, Adams express fires the
pickertons. But Allen is now pissed and he's embarrassed. So he wants the gang dead.
It also seems like since he can't be active, it's a little harder to cover all the bullshit
because he was maybe the most adept at like- Yeah, probably, yeah. His own little cover-ups.
Yeah, probably.
Like these guys are coming back with honesty
and he's like, well, just lie,
keep the fuck on lying.
So they're told that James boys were at their mom's house
and they said, man,
Alan wrote quote,
above everything destroy the house,
let the men take no risk. Burn the house down.
Okay. So, on January 26, 1875, eight
Penguins and some local, local cops crept up on the house at midnight. And they threw
a homemade bomb in the house.
A little Greek fire.
Frank and Jesse had left the night before.
Is that...
Go ahead.
May I jump in?
Is that as far as the plan of killing them, burning the house without them in it, how
does that sort of...
It's much harder to do.
Impact the overall strategy of an event of this...
It's not great because they should be in it.
Let me ask the question.
Will they still be burned even though they're under the location?
No, they're far away from the fire.
The fire can't.
You can't, it would be so great if you could set somebody on fire
by just throwing a fire in their house and no matter where they were,
they would catch on fire too, like a voodoo house.
Yes, exactly.
That's not perfect.
That's not what we have.
OK, yeah, I didn't think so.
I just wanted to.
Doesn't go great because his mom, their mom's
in there with her eight year old son.
And the boy is killed and the mom's hand
is almost sliced off by shrapnel.
Wow.
So there is mass sympathy for the James gang and rage against the Pinkerton's.
Yes. A great cover band. A gun connected to the Pinkerton suggests that they are working with
the federal government. I don't know how that works, but that or whatever. Whatever. The Kansas City
Times quote, Pinkerton determined to avenge the death of his men.
He sent a force to surround the residents determined to take vengeance on the family.
So eight Pinkerton's are indicted for murder, including Allen, but no one's ever arrested.
If only there was a group of people who would go and arrest you across state lines.
Imagine.
The charges are eventually just dismissed.
It is, again, it's just so crazy to think that it's been working for this long.
I mean, he, in this case, this is the worst place we've gotten.
He killed a child.
Right.
Yeah.
Told them to kill a child.
They killed a child. Yeah. Told them to kill a child. They killed a child.
Yes.
In 1881, Allen advised the Missouri governor
to pay Bob and Charlie Ford of the gang
$10,000 to kill Jesse James.
And Bob Ford would kill Jesse James
10 years later.
He got immunity and reward money.
So it was his idea.
Oh, cool.
So now Alan is super rich.
He has a huge home built 80 miles from Chicago on 254 acres.
He would entertain the big wigs like Ulysses Grant and Cornelius Vanderbilt.
The Illinois Central train puts a special stop at his estate.
Oh, for God's sake.
Oh, good Lord.
He orders?
I mean, that is so stupid.
Yeah, but of course they will,
because he's the guy that helps them, right?
He's the...
Yeah, but I mean, if you're on that train,
you're like, this is real.
Just a few more minutes, we're gonna make sure
that he doesn't get on.
Mr. Pagaton's making a decision right now, everybody.
It's probably like a half hour of the way
or an hour out of the way.
Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
There's a lot of land.
Yeah.
He ordered 85,000 large trees from Scotland
for his little land. Oh, but it was freezing. Is that in New York?
So when they got there, a picker didn't cover them and they all froze on the dock. Good.
So Alan fired the agents and then ordered more trees.
Damn it.
The estate had Shetland ponies for his grandkids to ride, hundreds of statues.
His guests would ride horses and shoot at the statues.
Now, you know what?
I'll be honest, it's nice to hear that he stayed Scottish.
So weird.
The best days of Alan's life had been in the Civil War. He had a Scottish artist come and fill his house with murals from those days when he
saw himself as a hero, but he was actually just an inept idiot.
Well, that's the thing about paintings.
They don't have to reflect reality.
Right.
It's great.
Arm guards were on duty around the clock.
He always had rifle guards on the roof.
The Great Chicago Fire happens and destroys
Pinkerton headquarters.
So all case files are destroyed.
That includes the Rogues Gallery.
It's all gone.
And his treasured Civil War archives gone.
Now in the city, martial law is declared.
And the Chicago police have 310 cops, which
is way too few to deal with the chaos that's happening. So groups are coming to loot and
more fires are being set. So the military is brought in. Citizens are organizing patrols.
They order all saloons closed so no one will get drunk.
Wait, what?
What?
Listen, I agree with this.
Of course it's a problem, but we need to get our shit together.
If we don't start drinking, the fire wins.
This is Chicago.
We're not...
It's not Chicago.
All right, listen, I'm shitfaced.
What are you trying to say right now? I'm saying it not Chicago. All right, listen, I'm ship faced. What are you trying to say right now?
I was saying it's Chicago.
It's Wernher.
Yeah, let me, listen.
It's Wernher.
All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hold on on.
It's not Chicago.
Let me speak on our behalf.
Because I'm like a huge piece of shit, but you are.
Where are we, Milwaukee? I mean, I'm telling you a huge piece of shit but you are I mean I'm
telling you hold on you're like relax it's a great town it's a great city but
why don't you relax so just gonna tell you right now let me go to I'll tell
them fellas we should probably keep the bar open because here you burn and I are
just very excited to keep the businesses of these small, does this town continuing
to grow?
So, just stop talking, Hubert.
So Allen is not given authority to create a patrol or anything, but that's what he does.
He posted notices across the city stating Pigton police were in charge of the Burne district.
Just ended that's how it works.
Yes.
If you put up posters, you're in charge.
This is mine.
And he said anyone stealing would be killed.
Quote. Wow.
No mercy shall be shown to them, but death shall be their fate.
Jesus. Now, they were mercy shall be. to them, but death shall be their fate. Jesus, no mercy shall be.
That feels like OK.
And they bring cities get really concerned
because they thought it would lead to criminals
leaving Chicago and heading into their areas.
So a crime exodus.
The Fort Wayne Daily Gazette claim, quote, Milwaukee is already overrun with them.
Wow.
Slavery wise, Allen was almost always on the right side, as we said before.
He stayed there.
He had raised money for John Brown.
Wow.
That's a hard thing to...
It's tough to...
Yeah, you're mentally a little difficult to negotiate.
Yeah, no, the worst person alive made a great point.
The worth it. Yeah.
He aided and sheltered escaped slaves. He refused to allow his detectives to enforce the fugitive
slave laws, though once when he needed money, the Penguins worked for the Spanish government
to investigate a wealthy Cuban sugar planter who demanded the emancipation of Cuban slaves,
but he eventually pulled out due to atrocities committed by Spanish troops.
So whatever.
So he had a line.
He did, but he'll do it.
A weird little carve out.
His line is, I'll do anything for money
Right what was he?
But he would leave money on the table in this capacity
I guess in this case if he's not if he's not allowing his detectives to hunt fugitive slaves, then yes
I guess yeah, and if he's helping John Brown. I mean, you know, yeah
One would think you I mean it would seem like the corrupted person would go to the, you know,
the slave slave.
Yes, you're right.
In 1873, Alan began writing books
that told fantastic stories of his adventures
as a detective.
And he read-
It's like Bill O'Reilly's weird books.
It is.
He reassures readers they're all true stories.
And there, and he's basically just dictating them He reassures readers they're all true stories.
And he's basically just dictating them to a ghost writer.
Between 1875 and 1884, he published 17 books.
Jesus Christ.
I mean, what are you, Stephen King on cocaine?
He's like John Grisham, yeah.
Or Stephen King on cocaine is just the 80s.
Right.
The cocaine.
The agency was hired by the president of the Philadelphia and Reading Railroad and the
... Reading Railroad.
And the Philadelphia Reading Coal Iron Company to ferret out members of the Molly McGuire's
for a secret Irish society, which we did an episode on.
Right.
Yeah, right.
There had been arson and bombings and murder in response to mine conditions the decade
before, but things are calmer now.
And they began using the conventional union method. But the mind owners destroyed it by starving out the membership.
So the modifiers are violent, they're using violent means, then they start doing the nonviolent
means, the union way, and then they just get destroyed by the company.
So I guess the message we're trying to get across is violence is the only way.
Well, of course violence came back.
The mollies returned.
So, the pinkers are brought in to destroy the once and for all.
And Allen sent Irish immigrant James McParlin to infiltrate.
He spends two years undercover as a member of the mollies.
And Allen thought it was taking too long.
And so he wrote to his second in command, quote, the only way to pursue the Mollie McGuire's as I see it is to treat them as the Reno's were treated in Indiana after they were done away with the
people improved wonderfully and Seymour is a quiet town. Let Robert Linden get up a vigilance committee.
So he's saying, hang on.
Do it again.
It worked for the, even though the Reno thing
caused an international incident.
He's like that.
And you, yeah, I mean, yes.
It's the extreme way.
Aren't you supposed to be a genius of like,
of figuring out criminality and how to unearth it and then prosecute it?
But instead he's just like, kill him, it really helped in Fort Wayne.
On December 10th, 1875, a group of men burst into the home of the O'Donnell family, some of whom were alleged mollies. They pistol whipped Miss O'Donnell,
beat her son-in-law, and shot her son at least 15 times in the head.
Jesus Christ. At least 15 in the head?
Yeah, that's not a head anymore.
Ow! Ow! Oh my God!
Ow! Oh my God!
More violence was avoided because McFarland had a list of mollies to be arrested.
So they could have kept doing this, you know, killing and murdering people.
But McFarland was like, hey, I actually have made a list over these two years, so let's
just arrest guys.
Right.
Right.
19. 19. Right. Uh, 19, 19.
Two years.
I mean, in this event, you're like,
yeah, it's guys, guys.
I'm really god at all.
19 are convicted and executed.
Wow.
Years later, it was concluded the coal companies
had instigated some attacks on the mines
to blame the mollies and crush them
in the union.
God, it's just so easy.
It's so easy.
It's so easy.
It really, like there's just no, I foresee no solved.
No, it keeps, it just continues to happen.
It continues to work because you just, if law enforcement or whoever's in charge
says that these people did it, that's enough for most people. I mean, during BLM, there's
like video of a guy breaking windows with one of those police, one of those retractable
police batons and you're like, right, okay. And everyone's like following him. Yeah, it's
just like that. Filming him. It just never ends. And that's enough because people don't
go, yeah, all the riots.
So yeah, like you say, it worked.
The Unionists were branded as violent and the foundation for an anti-labor attitude across
America was set.
This is the high point of the Pinkerton's public image.
They are overwhelmingly praised for their success against this violent group of foreigner
terrorists.
And more importantly, the Pinkerton's now had a new way for the agency to make money,
infiltrate secret societies, get them blamed for stuff. And now you're the hero.
And that.
That, Gareth, is the end of part one.
Oh, sorry. I was understated.
I'm sorry. I didn't know where we were headed.
Crikey.
Man, oh, man, it's really like.
It's bad. You know, I think I think about it all really like, uh, it's bad.
You know, I think about it all the time, the way that like, it's so depressing, but
we are just basically totally screwed because the tactics that are employed by those who
have all the money and all the power are effective enough.
And I don't know how you beat it, because even when it's blatantly obvious,
the level of ways that they're able to...
Like, when you watch, like, I mean, it just happens all the time.
You're just... I just can't get over how many people you see
and how many people you actually know,
like personally who are just duped
into believing the shit that is so stupid and fake and dumb.
And then when I say that, they go,
this guy's the fake and dumb idiot, dude.
Just like, while they're just profiting and it's just, it's like overwhelming
and it really is why you kind of just are kind of backed into the corner of nihilism
where you just kind of go, well, you know what, I'm just gonna just enjoy what I can
while I can. This is an evolution of that really starting to work and it continues to
Oh yeah, it's worse. Yeah, it's worse. Yeah, it's it's it's funded better. It's
Well, they have all the money. I mean, it's better. I mean, that's what people don't realize.
If the rich aren't taxed at 90%, they destroy everything. Yeah, when you watch that State of the Union, he's going like,
we want to tax them like, whatever, 2025.
Fuck is that?
It's like, when it actually mattered, it was like 95%.
90%.
It was 90%.
And it was like, insane.
And it was, that's what you do.
That's how you fucking do it. Yeah.
So, Ann Momoney did the research sources, or Russell Hunt, Alan Pinkerton America's
first private eye.
Joe Nicolle, detective, uncovering the mysteries of a word.
Alan Pinkerton, dictionary of the American biography.
Samantha Seeple,
Lincoln's bymaster, Alan Pickerton,
America's first private eye,
should be lashed how Pickerton
would punish professional burglars.
Famous detective would revive the whipping.
Clark Larson, a succession of attempts
on Abraham Lincoln's life led to the development
of the Secret Service, Ronald Bites, Jesse James, and the First Missouri Train Robbery, the newspapers, The Star of
Pasquale Gula, Watertown, Republican, the Daily Tribune, Pinkerton Pursuits, the Wild West,
Jay Bonanzinga, the weakest link, Otto Penzler.
Isn't that from the Big Bang things?
The real detective in the National Review.
What do you think happens to young Sheldon?
Sorry, a few anecdotes of the famous Chicago detective by an old reporter in the Salt Lake Uh, legends of America.com, Pickerton.com, truewestmagazine.com, uh, Cornell law.edu,
history.com.
Uh, yeah.
That's it.
And there's more next week.
I mean, we'll get into the...
Yeah, next week is, uh...
I know, and I'm sure we'll talk about how, uh, you know, how, like like they are
Lawded still yes, well
It's a stand. Well, I don't know who's John Kesarinsky married to
John Krasinski Emily Blunt. I was just she's gonna do that woman that I brought up I think we're first day since she's going to do a movie about her and you're like
What just do a movie about it the first lady Nazi? What's the fucking difference?
They're they're fucking monsters.
But he also does.
Yes, they're very, very clearly a very conservative couple, incredibly conservative
and pro. Yeah. I mean, you know, I think I think that all the time when it's like,
I mean, when you see what like CBS's lineup is, it's like, well, no wonder we're so like,
we fucking love love boot sucking.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
It's like every fucking minute past five PM on CBS
is basically a procedural about how-
Create cops are.
Some form of law enforcement has saved you.
Yeah.
You know, Navy SEAL, CIA, police, FBI. I mean mean the most true cop show ever is the shield
yeah yeah because it shows you that yeah it's like yeah I mean I don't know
Inspector gadget to me like that guy did everything he could to like get the
guy sure you know
All right, everyone. Well, hope you feel good. You got the warm fuzzies gobble gobble. We love you
That's the end of and next week. We'll be back with a how does this work?
Okay, do it back up. Okay
Yeah, hold on. Okay, good to go.