The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 627 - Rivera y Anza
Episode Date: April 2, 2024Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine Fernando Rivera y Moncada Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I have dollop tour dates to announce for the year 2024 of our Lord J town.
We have our 10th anniversary show coming up in Los Angeles on April 27.
Guests are Karen Kilgareff and James Adomian.
And then we are going to Australia starting on May 13th in Perth, May 16th in Sydney,
May 18th in Brisbane, May 20th in Canberra, May 22nd in Melbourne,
and May 24th in Adelaide.
You can get your tickets at dolloppodcast.com.
Oh, what do I do?
You're listening to The Dollop.
This is an American History podcast where each week
I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a small boy.
What is your problem?
I'm a teen.
I'm a teen.
And what happened at the beginning?
A young...
What happened at the beginning?
I got scared.
I didn't remember what to do.
I didn't know where I was.
Yeah, you did.
I just panicked.
I panicked.
No, no.
You know...
Usually, I come out swinging. Everybody panicked. No, you know.
Usually I come out swinging.
Everybody knows that.
They call me Come Out Swinging Anthony.
That's my nickname.
And this time it just didn't happen.
You know what they call your dad?
Come Out Swinging.
My father's dead.
I know, believe me.
Yeah, you killed him.
I know, I didn't kill him.
You know, he came at the same time as another woman.
You know that, right?
With a woman.
Have I told you that story?
He came?
Gareth, one day there's a knock, I'm at my dad's house.
This is like when I'm in college.
I'm staying there for the summer
and there's a knockin' on the door.
It's a banging.
And I go over to him and I go,
yeah, hello, I don't open it up.
I'm your stepmother. I'm like, that, hello. I don't open it up. I'm your stepmother.
I'm like, that's weird, I don't have a stepmother.
I am married to your father, we should meet.
My, I don't really think that's gonna happen.
I'm not gonna open the door.
And she's like, we need to meet each other.
And I go, how, when did you marry my stepdad?
When did you marry my stepdad? And she said, we were officially married when we orgasmed at the same time.
What the fuck?
That's how I don't think that the church does not recognize that.
And, and I called my dad, I'm like, there's this lady outside.
She says you guys had orgasms at the same time and now you're married.
He goes, Oh, I have a restraining order against her.
Oh my, here's what's crazy. I asked you Gareth why did my dad get a
restraining order against a woman and that was because she was a client and he
banged her. Here's what's crazy is I can't believe I relate to your dad more than you. Oh, man.
God damn, that's all.
You're listening to the.
It is amazing.
Is that the episode?
Yeah, did you like it?
It was great.
Did you say your name or did you not?
Did we do? I have not.
I don't even remember my name.
Hey, you're Gareth Reynolds.
Oh, what is the topic?
The topic is France.
This is by far the worst intro.
You've heard this one because this was an episode that we recorded in San
Francisco, which I spent 15 minutes with the sound guy union place.
So you expect good work.
And I sat there with him and I ran him through it.
He showed me he was recording it fine. And then I got it. It was just cats. Some people would call
that unusable. Anyway, 1725. How long ago did we record this? I would say a year ago or so.
Okay. Was this the one where we had the near COVID?
Okay. Was this the one where we had the near COVID?
Hmm. Yes. Okay.
The near vid near my son had COVID and I did not, but I did.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm thinking of the one where the guy, but I thought that the guy by backstage had it like our
liaison guy.
This is that show backstage had COVID. Yes. You wearing the mask was San guy. This is that show. The bad ass stage had COVID. Yes.
You wearing the mask was San Jose, I want to say.
Yes, that's right.
San Jose.
And then the next show, a guy had COVID and just hung out.
And it's funny to look back on all those times
we almost had COVID.
And now that I've had it, and I'm like, man.
I still haven't.
Winner's circle.
Fernando Rivera a
Moncada was born in Campos data, New Spain on the west coast of Mexico north of Puerto Vallarta
Mmm, God Dave
You're not careful. I'm gonna legally marry you
Here we go
He was Creole. I don't know. I'm gonna say it wrong.
I think you have.
It means you have Spanish ancestry, but you're born in the colonies.
Okay.
So there's all this class stuff, right?
Sure.
The Spanish have a very strict race and class hierarchies in the colonies. So Crios were beneath Spanish
born, which were known as Peninsulares.
This is like being in school.
So there's the Peninsulares, there's the Crios. So he has Spanish ancestry, but he's born in the
colonies. And then there's Spanish born in the colonies, whatever. He's not the top level. Let's just say that.
Okay. Okay.
So, Fernando's father is a magistrate. He's on the town council. He's a big donor to the
Jesuits.
Do you think his dad ever had an orgasm at the same time as a woman and then knocked
on his son's door and was like, we're legally married because I came at the exact same time as your dad.
I think that's the only way you can get married.
You know what that's called?
Commonwealth.
Wait for the laughter to die down.
And he was also a leader of the Compostela.
He used to use his influence to get young men to become soldiers in the Jesuit missions
in Baja.
Did he hang outside of high schools?
I hope so. That's what our
guys do. Like, do you want to go to college? Yeah. At 18, Fernando joined the military in
Loreto, Baja, and he fought, he fought in battles, sorry, he fought against the
Uchiti people. He's, they're Native Americans. They wanted to, they had like
polygamy, like that was their thing and the Spanish like don't know and
So they had a war basically
Because they're because the Spanish were cool. Sure. So Fernando is a good soldier
He goes on missions historian Ernest Boris quote his sense of duty diligence endurance and exceptional ability are attested to by numerous
Rugged frontiers men who are not easily satisfied
Okay, so he's like the tough guys like he's awesome
Yeah, the the soldiers like him sure at just 26 Fernando was appointed commander of the Presidio of Loreto
So he's he's moving up fast. Yeah, we all that's a title. I'm very familiar with I hope so
He jumped he basically jumped over two other soldiers to get that position. Okay. They had been
related to Manuel de Osio who the Jesuits did not have a good relationship
with, very hostile. Okay. Osio had been a soldier but then he heard that a storm had come and had thrown all of these oysters onto the shore
So he quit being a soldier and went down and start started grabbing them all started a pearling operation
This is this the smartest guy in the story. I guess so, but it's also just like
Like there was a time when you would just be somewhere and all of a sudden
thousands of oysters would fly up on the shore and you'd be like, I do this now. I do this.
This is my job. This is what I do forever. Now. Sorry. Fate threw oysters at me.
I'm a bit of oysters. Over three years, he harvested 4,000 pounds of pearls.
Come home! I can't! I got a ton of oysters, honey. You raise them on your own. This is life now. I'm alone. Go away! I'm a shuck man.
It turns out I can just live on the beach and be rich.
I'm just gonna do it. I literally, there was a wave and now I'm always here. So he becomes the richest man in California
Okay, but he's in constant conflict with the Jesuits
Okay, Fernando's appointment is the highest military appointment in California. So he is Fernando top top military dog now, okay
He he's a pretty solid explorer. They also do a lot of exploring
He knew the peninsula well, and he helped the Jesuits expand north.
He's also the area's
judge. That's part of the top dog thing.
He would always rule for the Jesuits.
But then everyone
starts cracking down on Jesuits across Europe.
It's a big anti Jesuit thing.
Sure.
Basically all the countries are like, they have a lot of shit. Let's take it.
That's kind of what happened.
So they're an independent international organization. They have power, they have wealth.
They have a bunch of other, uh, this is the other reasons they did it,
but mostly it's power and wealth. So countries dissolve the Jesuit organizations.
They forced them to renounce their vows and
In Spain reforms are passed to curb American-born Spaniards growing in power
Okay
So shift it back to the crown
Increase profit that sort of thing, right?
Now the reforms actually came after there were riots
profit, that sort of thing. Right. Now the reforms actually came after there were riots
that erupted after a law was passed that restricted wearing of big capes and sombreros.
People rioted because of that?
Yeah. Why were they trying to stop the capes and sombreros because that was Jesuidi? I bet it's... Maybe it's Jesuidi or maybe it's just like tradition or, you know, something of that nature. I doubt it's just fashion. I'm sure it's like there's some more meaning to it.
This is their TikTok.
Although there were also Zoot Suit riots and that's not all about the Zoot Suits either, right?
I believe the cherry popping daddies explained that one to us.
That's correct. That's correct.
Yeah. So who knows? It could be. I'm sure there's other reasons, but.
I mean, I get it. It's a great look.
It is. I'm not going to take that line down.
It's great. Look, it keeps you cool or warm.
And take our sombreros, but you can never take our capes with our sombreros.
So the Jesuits were accused of inciting that riot.
Okay.
And then they were arrested and expelled from Spain.
Okay.
Six hundred and seventy eight Jesuits are then expelled from Mexico in 1776.
So this is the Jesuits in this are running.
They're running all the missions.
Right.
They're doing all that.
All that terrible work.
And now they're out. They're running all the missions, right? They're doing all that terrible work.
And now they're out.
They have to walk to the Gulf Coast
and a lot of them die on the Germans.
Yeah.
Well, gotta get their stuff.
God damn.
So, Gaspar de Portola took over as the new governor.
And the Franciscans take over the mission system.
Okay.
So Jesuits out, Franciscans in.
Richard Porrad, quote, almost overnight in the mission towns of Sonora and Arizona, the
black robes disappeared and the gray robes replaced them.
Okay.
And then at the same time, the head of the missions became a unit perot Sarah
unit perot June a perot unit perot
Usually the J silent in
Spanish right
There's tension
There's a lot of tension between them the military and the missions because they have different objectives right but they got to live together
Mm-hmm, but it's like me and you
Very similar. You're frozen. Are you back? You're back. Yeah, I'm back. Yeah, I missed you. I missed you
See, that's what happens. Yeah. Yeah, exactly
So right so they don't they don't get along very well
They have a lot of problems and And the king saw missions as religious institutions
and a way to solidify control of the area.
So he orders an expedition to settle out to California.
That's where you and I live.
Okay.
And two parties are gonna go by sea, two by land.
Fernando's gonna lead one okay and they're gonna go on land he's gonna be the land guy they're gonna go up to San Diego better
position you want to be the land dude I don't want to be the ship I don't want
now I just see her see any stories ships are although there's not a lot of
there's no good land stories either gonna be honest yeah but I still like my, land is a little, at least you're familiar. At least I
know where I can go like cut a nap, you know? Yep, cut a nap. And then after he went up, then
Portolo's group would follow him. And then once Portolo got to San Diego, then Fernando would head up to Monterey.
Okay.
So while they're preparing supplies for the missions, Father Serra becomes very upset.
He said Fernando acted, quote, with a heavy hand.
Yeah, he's a military leader.
Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, right.
But Serra also talks a lot of of shit and he's a manipulator.
Okay. So Fernando sets out in March 1769. So, so he Fernando has four kids. Okay. And, and he
leaves them behind with his brother and a wife, he has a wife, he lives with his brother. So he
takes 70 men and 100 animals and they start heading north. Now there's no trails. It's just, I
mean there's some-
What are the animals? Horses?
I think horses and pigs probably.
Pigs too. So pigs for eating, horses for riding.
I would bring a lemur if I was to do it.
Without question. Without question. And I honestly, if I will be honest, top animal for me now is sloth.
I would definitely have like a sloth on my shoulder at all times.
100%. Sloth is absolutely a top animal. Top five animal.
Top three.
Yeah, I agree with that. So yeah, so they're going to take 100 animals. Now there's not really trails,
right? That sucks. I mean, there are there's place shorter trails that the native
peoples had, but not what you need to get to San Diego.
Right. They're also getting attacked as they go by Native
Americans. Right. God, they were so he has hostile. He has some
some local native dudes with him that he brings. Okay. But he
doesn't have food for them. He expects them to find their own food
because they're neighbors. Yeah, that's what they're not. But
they're not in the area they're from. So why would they also be
able to? It's weird. So this leads to these native dudes not
eating for days. Okay, most don't make it to San Diego.
A few died and some just were like, no, and just left because they were starving.
Yeah.
They make it to San Diego, 52 days.
Jesus Christ.
300 miles.
God, that's a terrible pace.
That is a ridiculously bad pace. I mean granted like you're saying like they're not it's not like they're following the trail
Six miles a day. I guess you got a
That's not great animals and
It just the
Wrangling had to be exhausting a nightmare, right and you got six miles a day
I mean, I would imagine you'd be like,
we would probably do this in like 13 days?
Do you think they were taking,
everyone was taking like separate bathing breaks?
I would have, yes, absolutely, without question.
But I mean, you're a big pack.
You're a pretty big pack.
Yeah.
You know, I would imagine.
You think you did one hole for the poor
and then everybody.
Hole?
Hole?
Sir.
Get out of your ivory tower there was no hole
okay the only hole was the one on you wow you just be i mean there's no way they're digging holes
all right you know that's fair so they're just freeing it yeah um they probably weren't even
stopping yeah probably not so but they so they get get to San Diego three to miles later and they're they're in pretty good
shape. The the Europeans and the and the animals are in pretty
good shape. The other people died. Americans have died a
tremendous amount, right? So they're actually the first
cattle and horses to ever be in California. This group all to
California. Wow. The two ships had already arrived. One of them had gone through a scurvy
nightmare and when they land, they're so weak they can't even lower the rowboat.
And scurvy is like sore based, isn't it?
Yeah, there's sores and I think your gums bleed a lot. Yeah,
eventually you die unless you get some, yeah, or you know, right, something with
the vitamin in it. Yeah, you need like a fresca or two. You need a fresca. So
Fernando and Pertola head north for Monterey and they leave 12 healthy
soldiers and then a bunch of sick ones in San Diego to protect
the settlement there.
Yeah, those sick ones will come in real handy.
Sick ones are best.
That's who you really want to help in your fight.
And if they get through the sick ones, you men will have to do.
Just vomit.
Just pick your sores at them.
Throw your sores.
Pop your sores.
Puss them. So your sores. Pop your sores. Pass them.
So they get up there, they reach Monterey Bay
on September 30th, but they cannot find Monterey.
So even though they're looking at the right,
they're looking right at Monterey,
the Monterey we know today, but they can't find it.
They're there, but they can't.
So they're going by description
from the explorer Viscaino 167 years before.
He had written up a description.
Of Monterey, but when you said they were the first people
in California, you mean they're the first?
Europeans. Europeans, okay, right
So this guy I know called it quote the best that could be desired. So they're looking around
Well, this is a shithole. So where's the best?
They're like, well, this is not this sucks
Where's the aquarium? Yeah
So they look for a whole week and they're like, I cannot, there's nothing great about this.
I cannot find it anywhere. But Fernando Portola are like, okay, so this isn't great. So it can't be
it. It's got to be something better. And the group now after a week in the travel up from San Diego,
they're in bad shape. They're not doing well. So Portola calls a big officer meeting.
Quote, he drew attention to the scarcity of provisions
that confronted us.
To the large number of sick we had among us,
there were 17 men half crippled.
Oof.
To the season already far advanced
and to the great sufferings of the men who remained well
on account of
the unlimited work required."
Okay.
So, more dudes that go down and are sick, the more you got to take care of them, then
the more the guys that are healthy are-
Sick and-
Working to take care of people instead of-
They're getting fatigued and sick and-
Yeah, it's a shit show.
Yeah.
Probably literally also.
Oh, Christ.
So they send Scouts north, and those Scouts see...
Scorts. Scorts, those Scorts, they see a bay,
and they call it San Francisco Bay.
Now, this is not what we now consider San Francisco Bay.
Okay.
If I can describe it.
So if you know San Francisco Bay, Okay. If I can describe it.
So if you know San Francisco Bay
and there's like the two points come together
and then it opens up, right?
So they were basically looking beyond those points
up a little bit to where, kind of near where I grew up,
there's a little inlet.
So they were looking past the Bay
and they were like, that's the San Francisco Bay. That is now called Drake's Bay, the one they were looking past the bay and they're like, that's the San Francisco Bay.
That is now called Drake's Bay, the one they were looking at.
So they were looking at Drake's Bay, which is nowhere near as big as San Francisco Bay,
not even close.
And they're looking at that and they go, look at that.
That looks awesome.
That's San Francisco Bay.
Okay.
Now they think that's San Francisco.
So some guys go hunting and those guys see this giant estuary and they're like,
what is this? That's actually San Francisco Bay.
But they think that they think it is blocking their way to get there.
Not that they're at it. Okay. Like, how do we get around this thing?
So they're looking for San Francisco Bay? They're there and then they're at it Fernando is looking for
Monterey Fernando's not yet for now is down in Monterey and but he's like where is it and he's at it
He's at Monterey. They're both at their points of where they should be but they have no clue where they are
That's right
And they're like we're not near where we want to be. And these guys are worse.
They're like, well, how do we get past this fucking thing
to get to San Francisco Bay?
And they're at the thing they need to get past
is San Francisco Bay.
Right.
They end up returning.
They're excited because while they were there,
they talked to some natives and they said
a ship had gone to port in the south.
So they think a ship has arrived.
But the problem is they talked to these native dudes, but they didn't speak the same language.
So how are they talking to them?
So they just reached a...
They were probably like pointing and making shapes with the ponds.
And then they're like, I think they said there's a ship.
I'm pretty sure he's saying that a ship arrived
at the real San Francisco Bay, which we're nowhere near.
Thank you.
I think he made a dog.
I think he said there's dogs near.
No, no, no, no.
I hear.
I do hear a dog barking for sure.
Okay, because it sounds like.
It's definitely audible.
Yeah.
Yeah, there it is again. Right. So they now they're headed
back to Monterey all excited because I think there's a ship
down there because they made it up talking to people. So they
get there and Portola takes the party south. But they don't find
a ship. So they're all looking for this another thing that's not there
So he sends more scouts up north he's like you guys find a way to San Francisco Bay get around that big wet thing and
They're blocked by it. So
So they get to
Then they go back south.
They find, and Portola then sends Fernando south
to find Monterey.
So Fernando leaves Monterey.
To go look for Monterey.
To find Monterey.
Which is where he is.
So he doesn't find, yeah, he doesn't find Monterey
because he was there when he left.
Right.
So they're basically walking around
Northern California and not finding anything.
Well, I don't know if we've ever covered people who have accomplished their mission So they're basically walking around Northern California and not finding anything.
Well, I don't know if we've ever covered people who have accomplished their mission and are going to die because of it or get really sick because of it.
Like it's normally that they're like, man, we have no clue what we're doing. We were sent on a fool's errand.
So Portolo talks to his officers and they all decide, okay, this isn't working out. Let's go south.
On the return trip, they have to eat all the mules.
That's good, right?
Because those are...
No, those are your friends.
It's like when you're trying to drive across the country
and have to sell the car.
Yeah, or eat the car.
It's good for your mission, eat the car.
So they have to eat all the mules,
which is the fort mules.
So they arrive in San Diego on January 24,
1770. They've been gone looking for Monterey and San Francisco for six months.
But they found both of them.
Yeah, but they didn't.
Right.
Portolo, quote, at least we entered San Diego smelling frightfully of mules.
Oh, at least is important.
It's still a crazy thing to say.
Because they ate them.
Because they ate them, but it's like to be proud of it.
Hey, fellas, the good news is we smell like mule meal.
Hey, could be worse.
We smell like horse.
Dude, that's not a good thing.
Come on.
It's pretty good.
Okay, so they're back in San Diego. San Diego is in
really bad shape. So Portolo sends Fernando south to get supplies and he's like, I'm going to go
north and find this fucking Monterey place. Which he's already been to. Quote, on June 3rd, 1770,
there was a formal ceremony with shots of cannon and ringing of bells and the company took possession of Monterey
And the name of King Carlos III they just decided that was my right that what they decided Monterey was Monterey
Yeah, and they're right. Yeah, but now they're just like, but they're like fuck it. It's Monterey and then
Some's gotta be Monterey, right? Okay. Okay
So Portola the names a new commandant of California, Pedro Fages, and
Fages is a lieutenant. He's below Fernando and rank, which this upsets Fernando. Right.
He feels like he's being blamed for not finding Monterey. Right. But Portolo, Portolo has
done his job like that was that was the job. And he returns to
Mexico. He's like, I'm done. I'm out of here. This place is
bullshit. Then Fernando asks the Viceroy's the Viceroy is in
charge of all everything. And he asked if he can return to
Mexico also. He's like, I'm sick. My body hurts.
And Alta California is freezing.
I'm not into it.
It's a cold place.
In the summer of 1771, his request is granted.
And they say you can retire.
So he returns to Compostela and he starts farming.
Okay, great.
Now new missions are founded in 1771.
There's San Gabriel, there's San Luis Obispo,
there's San Antonio, de Padoya,
and the military is stretched pretty thin.
They don't have all the guys to be doing that.
But the religious dudes are like, let's more, more,
because they just want to convert Native Americans.
Right.
There's only 61 soldiers in total in Alta California.
But General Sierra wants to keep expanding and adding missions.
He also wants control over the soldiers
and all of the supplies.
So he and this phages guy has been made the commandant
They're arguing and they get into a really ugly argument Sarah then asked the viceroy
He's like, can you fire this phages guy and the viceroy is like, yeah, yeah, I can fire
But Sierra had picked another guy he had a he had a buddy he wanted to be picked as the military leader.
But the the Viceroy doesn't pick him.
OK. And at the same time, Fernando's farming situation is a total disaster.
He's a failure. He's in tons of debt.
So they end up he wants to come back.
Yeah. They're like, it's a perfect, perfect match now.
He goes, do you want to be the new California governor of Alta, California? And he's like, oh, wow. Yeah, they're like, it's a perfect, perfect match now. He goes, do you want to be the new California governor
of Alta California?
And he's like, oh wow.
Yeah, I'll take that.
He then would get to pick new missions
and the stationing of soldiers.
He's in charge of all that stuff.
All the stuff Sarah wants to be in charge of.
Also coming in is this new commander,
Juan Batista de Anza,
who was, he was supposed to find a new route
to California. So, so Fernando's found this West Coast route.
But why would you be after a new route? Like you just went through this shit. Wouldn't
you just be like, we got one. We're good. Stop. This was hell. We ate horse.
I mean, maybe because like they could run into trouble with Native Americans or they could be in invading whatever and they just want a second way into California.
I would say the bird in hand. Stick with the bird in hand.
I totally agree with you but you know I'm not an explorer.
Well that was hell. We should probably try to figure out another one.
Well won't the natives be angrier on that one?
Yeah but then we'll have that shortcut.
We'll call it the deuce.
Plus, worst case scenario, we eat a little more mule.
Guy looks at you, he says, I'm going up north to out to California.
And then you say, which way?
Say which way.
Which way?
The deuce!
That's how it'll be.
Yeah, it's catchy for sure.
Again, I'm sort of approaching it from the standpoint of like a lot of people are probably
going to die.
And we'll have signs with a two on it.
A one and a two.
Yeah.
It's great.
Yeah, for sure.
Well, why not make a third?
We call it trace.
Hey, hey.
No, no, no.
I'm saying that in a way where you shouldn't take a bait.
I'm going to let people know that was your idea and I think that when we finish the deuce we will get on the trace. Yeah
Okay, thank you
He Fernando
He takes 51 soldiers. It's crazy that Fernando is doing that like he's just like I just did this
He's not finding them. He's doing the old route. He he's not okay okay he he's taking 51 soldiers and all their families okay good okay and heading up north so
they they do that and they arrive in monterey on may 23rd 1774 okay now he has to deal with all
this just sort of basic living bullshit now um quote I heard a throng in the plaza as if they were struggling or quarreling.
I asked who it was and they told me and tuna.
I suspected then that it would be a woman that he was complaining about and he broke
into a run to capture her.
So I had him restrained and in stocks. And although he is detained, still he is silly
because it appears to me that neither kind words
nor beauty would one find in that woman.
So there's some stuff going on here.
What's going on exactly?
A dude went after a lady.
Yep, and at the end.
Maybe trying to tackle her and capture her. Sounds like a woman capture situation. And then he is he's like, no. And he puts him in stocks and he goes, but seriously, she's not pretty, dude. Yeah, that's where I'm like, what's not if you're going to tackle and take a woman's dignity away. Yes. She has to be a smoke show, bro.
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on.
What are we doing here?
Jesus.
So the missionaries and military obviously, as we said,
have different agendas.
The military wants control of land for the crown.
And the missionaries are trying to convert all the savages
But the missionaries have to be protected and
So it stretches the soldiers thin the more they're trying to convert the more hard it is on the military Yeah, but the military should have just abandoned that job. Yes
So do you have any idea why just laying down a man on top of a woman is called missionary
sex? Do you have any clue into that? No, I've never actually looked into that. Okay. I know why doggy
style is called doggy style. I do too. Yep, but don't weigh into that at all. Just move ahead.
And I know why baboon. Is not a position good.
Okay, keep going with the story.
Okay, sorry.
So Saturday starts quickly complaining about Fernando for
he's saying you're not opening enough missions.
We need to get you know people converted.
So he writes to his superiors saying Fernando is not religious
enough.
He's not given enough rations to the families.
But at this point, everybody above Sarah
knows that he's a fucking whining pain in the ass.
Right.
And that he's really hard to get along with.
OK.
So Fernando now hears that Sarah is lying about him.
And they start firing back and forth angry letters okay and
Fernando requests this specific father be sent to Monterey and this is a friend
of Fernando's who is a father a Franciscan father his name is father
lassoon and there's no priest in Monterey so he's like hey you
guys got to give us a priest so we can do the prayer stuff and whatever and
Sarah's like no no I'm not doing that and in November 1774 Fernando takes a
party north to find the port of San Francisco.
They still don't know where San Francisco is.
Which they found, has been found.
They don't know where it is.
Right.
Hiding.
Before the Drake one.
What's behind the big thing of water.
The big water thing.
That's it.
It's behind that.
Can't get to it.
Can't too.
So the missionaries have San Francisco
as the most important place for a new mission.
That's their next spot.
And they're like, Fernando, you have to get it done.
So they go up there, it's cold, it's raining a lot of the time.
They make it really close to where the Golden Gate Bridge is now.
And they plant a cross.
I think they're supposed to grow.
I don't know.
Is that how it works?
I think that's how crosses soon.
A church was sprout.
Yeah, they make a church.
But they can't get across San Francisco Bay.
They can't get across San Francisco Bay or they can't get across San Francisco.
They can't get across San Francisco Bay. They can't get across San Francisco Bay.
They can't get across San Francisco Bay?
Why don't they put a cross inside of San Francisco Bay?
I knew. I knew that was going to happen.
And I'm upset.
So they want to get to that place they saw before,
which is where they cross about the whole thing.
Surely some of them were agitated.
They were agitated because they couldn't get a cross to get a cross.
Some of them must have been a little bit cross.
So they have enough food for 40 days.
So they can keep working at this.
But after 12, Fernando's like, fuck this shit.
It's fucking rainy and it sucks.
That's the right time.
12 is when, if you're not turning the tide at 12, you're like, nope, I'm not doing this again. We had horses and I don't I mean, assume this is when
yeah, this is winter.
So, I mean, it's pretty cold.
It's pretty cold and miserable, especially around San Francisco in the winter.
So, um, he's he hasn't really explored much when he decides to turn back.
But the SF land that he's at is bad.
It's it's like a bad land.
I like the moons.
There's scrubland.
It's just making a personal decision.
Fernando said quote there is nothing here.
Yes.
Go leave.
So he sends a second request for father Lawson to be sent
to Monterey his boy. Yeah, and he's also like, seriously, I would really
like to retire, like really retire this time. Um now Lawson
hears from Fernando that he's wanted so he doesn't wait to
get the to get the head approval. He just goes to
Monterey. He's like, I'm going. And, but when he gets there, Sarah makes him wait and sweat
and refuses to meet with him for eight, for nine days. He's like,
I'm not, you fucked up. I'm swamped.
But then he finally says yes.
And soon after Fernando and Sarah have this big blowout
argument over, over soldiers and the new missions.
And the next day, Sarah sends Lawson away.
He sends him to a different mission.
So he's got to go all the way back?
Yeah, he's like, you can't have your guy.
He's like, dude, I just got here.
Get on your mule, get the fuck out of here.
I ate my mule.
You're praying?
Oh, fuck.
I ate it pretty early too. How many days in?
Well, I ate it as soon as we got here because I was trying to sell.
I was like, I don't need this anymore.
So I ate it like, I ate it probably about a mile from here.
I figured I'd walk the rest of the way.
Wait, you ate the, you ate him a mile away from here and then you walked?
Yeah.
You ate the whole mule?
Yeah.
I ate a big mule.
Yeah, I had a bunch of mule.
Have you ever had a mule?
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule.
I had a bunch of mule. I had a bunch of mule. I had a bunch of mule. I had a bunch of mule. I had a bunch whole mule?
Yeah.
I had a big mule.
Yeah, I had a bunch of mule.
Have you ever had mule?
Yeah, I made a bunch.
I made sliders.
I made tons of sliders.
You got here in two days.
I know.
Yeah.
I thought, why not cap this with a bunch of mule sliders?
So I just did that.
I just did a bunch of those and.
We need those to.
I made a little slaw out of some cactus.
And it is really good.
And I mean, I ate all of it.
We're gonna, you go to another mission, right?
Well, I'm gonna need to trans,
I'm gonna need some transpo
because I just ate the crap out of my horse.
Okay, we're not giving... what? We didn't give you a horse.
Mule.
Wait, where was the horse? All right, so what do you mean?
Where was the horse that you ate? In my belly. No, before it got in your belly,
where was it? I was riding him a little bit.
Where did you find him originally before you got on him?
Just somewhere along the way.
Was it in the mission?
Was what in the mission?
The horse.
Be more specific.
What mission?
You mean the mission?
This mission?
No.
Who's the crazy guy?
You.
I don't know.
I definitely enjoyed it.
Yeah, that's not what we're worried about.
I made these sliders.
Just so good.
Nobody knows what sliders are yet.
Oh my God.
I can't.
You need me here.
Don't send me back before I introduce sliders.
Dude.
So he sends, he sends lost in a way, right? That means there's no priest at the Monterey Presidio.
Oh my God.
And that upsets everybody who's there
because you gotta have a priest.
You have to.
Who's gonna bless the kids?
Dave, exactly.
And there's tons of priests.
These children are growing up regular.
There's tons of priests available who can come, right?
Well, not without the kids.
So they're like, it's clearly personal.
This is a personal thing that Sarah's doing.
So Spain finally sails a ship into San Francisco Bay on August 1st, 1775.
Okay.
So that's how they find San Francisco Bay.
They sail a ship in.
Meanwhile, in San Diego...
How are they...
I don't really understand.
Okay, so how do they know it's San Francisco Bay if they sail into it?
Just because they're like, oh, the map.
They're different guys.
Right. It's just a different group of guys.
So they're just like, we're not idiots.
This is the bay.
Yeah, like imagine if you sailed,
if you sailed in the San Francisco Bay,
you're like, okay, this is a big bay.
Right, yes.
As opposed to whatever they were doing,
which was looking across it.
Yes, okay.
So that's it.
Now in San Diego, two baptized native dudes, they're brothers, they come
across this old woman, also native woman, and she's got fish and they steal her fish.
Okay. So, the woman goes and tells the priests and the brothers are part of, they've been
baptized and they're in the mission.
So they now flee the mission
because they think they're gonna get punished
and they take other dudes with them, right?
So other native dudes.
Okay.
So then days later, the fathers are told
all the Indians who fled, all the native dudes who fled,
that they're dead.
So someone's like, look, all the guys that ran away. They didn't make it. They don't believe it bad
They all died every one of them and yeah, no. Yeah, it was bad. It's crazy
She's seen it. Yeah, there was a bus that came
Loaded at the same time. Yeah one of them blew up. He was the fish was bad
They had bad fish and all this stuff happened. Everything was pretty bad plus that sinkhole
And then there was a fire they drowned in the fire. They drowned in the
Water the drown the fires. Yeah water fire. So they I mean it's safe to say they died from a variance of things
Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was like some fire some drowning some bad fish some
sink holes
Some fish also there was a there was a explosion the bus the bus didn't help anything there the boom the bus was weird
It was crazy. Anyway, they're not around all of them gone. What a change right that off. Yeah, that's not a problem anymore
Yeah, stop the search a new page. You ain't gonna find anything. So the priest said
Soldiers to capture them. Hmm
This leaves five soldiers at the mission and ten at the Presidio. Hmm, but four of those are sick and two are on stocks
But four of those are sick and two are on stocks. So it's a lot less than that.
It's more like nine, if I do my math correctly, more like nine soldiers.
So late at night on November 4th, some native dudes attack.
They set the mission buildings on fire.
There's between 400 and 1000 attackers
from 40 villages. Wow. And these are all natives. Yeah, all
native dudes. The soldiers are asleep when it starts. Is that a
problem? Well, they wake up because the roofs are on fire.
That's not the way you want to do it. No. It's a bad alarm
clock. Every, every single Spaniard is hit by at least one
arrow. Oh, in the very end, only one could still fight. But the native dudes could not
penetrate the main building still. Why? I think it's just fucking hard to get over the
walls I would imagine they were probably like this get over the walls, I would imagine.
They were probably like, this isn't the main building.
It's around here somewhere.
The soldiers at the Presidio also did not come to help because it's six miles away.
There's a six mile distance between the Presidio and the mission.
One guard saw the light of the fire but thought it was the moon.
Hey, man. Look how bright it is tonight. Yeah, it's really thought it was the moon. Hey man, look how bright it is
tonight. Yeah it's really shooting up in the sky. Hi. Listen to it scream. It's
gonna, yeah it's crazy. Listen to it scream. I've never heard a moon scream that loud.
It's like a, it's like a fall moon. I guess I've never been here for the fall.
I've never seen it either but man that is, that moon is. Holy shit that was a loud scream.
Did you hear that? Yeah yeah no it's definitely, never seen it either but man it is that one is shit that was a loud yelling you hear that yeah yeah no it's definitely look part of the
moons approaching us on fire begging for help it's a woman just screaming look at
that so a father one of the priests a blacksmith and a carpenter are killed. They found, so afterwards they find two leaders of the attack who were baptized guys.
And they're like, we didn't do it.
We didn't do it.
But the problem is they have gunshot wounds.
So they're like, it's not us.
I just have holes for another thing.
I'm holy. I'm one another thing. I'm holy.
I'm one of you.
I did another thing.
This is from earlier.
I'm draining myself.
You're draining yourself?
Yeah, that's why I'm full of these drain holes.
Are they called drain holes?
I'm with you guys. I'm on your side.
Um, so that's, it's pretty big sign that they were part of it. So they're whipped, um, so
badly that one of them dies. Jesus. And the other one runs away after he recovers. And
one of the fathers writes in his diary, quote,
showing little gratitude and less courtesy vanished
upon finding himself better.
He did not say anything to the father,
nor did he ask permission.
I love it.
I love the level of how offended you are over a guy fleeing.
Fleeing.
The other guy dies from whip.
He already attacked you.
He attacked you and tried to kill you all.
I'm grateful you whipped his brother to.
Oh, my God.
This is crazy.
This is absolutely come.
Where would he go?
Who's got it better than you?
Nobody.
So insane.
I just can't imagine leaving.
You're doing a lot of cutting out.
What? Oh, sorry.
Uh, so Juan Batista de Anza, who had been told to go to Alta California at the same time as Fernando,
was now made governor.
And he brings a large party north on the new route. Okay. So the new route is good to go. He's making the
new route and yeah, he's making it. It's good. Okay. Uh he
brings about 300 people. Nice. He gets up to San Diego and
together he and Fernando are searching for the attack
leaders. Okay. And Anza still has a large party of settlers to get to San Francisco. So he's
being delayed by this whole, burn it all down, kill them all thing. Right. Um, and then San
Francisco, they've already picked a, they, they went and picked a location without Fernando
for the new mission. Um, cause they now, cause the boat, they now know where the Bay is.
So ANSA asked Fernando what he would find in San Francisco.
He's like, so what's it like?
What's San Francisco like?
Great nightlife.
What is the purpose of your wanting to go and tire yourselves out?
Since I have already told you that I've thoroughly explored everything there and I've already reported to the viceroy that there is nothing there that is of any use
For what is being planned?
It's a shithole said this San Francisco place is a fucking dump. That's so great
This is like Fox News in the 1700s. Yeah
Liberal run cities.
Yeah. So he's just like, it's garbage.
Then they end up having a heated argument over the basic geography of the area.
Okay.
At one point for an SS quote for NATO quote began drawing a map,
but since his hand and arm tremble a great deal, he failed in his purpose.
What's the fuck? Why would he draw? Why would you do that?
This is new information that his arm's trembling. His arm trembles.
Why would you have him draw, you know, like, this is a little strange. That's the path?
Fernando is not the guy you go to for any sort of map.
No. Yeah, that's true as well, let alone when he's like, even when he's trying to draw, you're like, what?
Why is it?
Not sure why, so it's a very jaggedy sort of-
It's a jaggedy coast.
The path is also jaggedy.
We kind of have to hokey-poke the whole way up?
It seems like you're doing a two-step.
Just, no, it's my arm.
That's my arm.
It's straight.
I'm very confused.
Oh my God, do I have to use my arm that doesn't tremble? Might be a good idea to have someone else draw the map.
I'll do it with my toes. Screw it. I'm a topographer.
I mean, he failed trying to draw this map because it's shaky,
McShakeyman. And it doesn't matter.
Anza is going because he'd been ordered to establish a settlement in San Francisco.
It's his job.
So father, a father font quote from that night, senior Anza was very much
offended at senior Rivera because he was so hostile to the new establishment.
So now Anza is like this, this Fernando guy's a fucking dick.
Right.
He's being a dick.
Right.
Fernando outranks Anza, but Anza has direct orders.
So he goes, right.
So Fernando can't say you can't do that because the orders already been given.
Right.
So off he goes.
He leaves Fernando with 10 soldiers and Fernando is still trying to find all the attack leaders at the
at the mission. Right. Besides the two brothers that got whipped, they're trying to find all
the main leader. It turns out is a guy named Carlos.
And one day a father tells Fernando that Carlos is seeking refuge in the
church. He wants to come back to the church. He wants to come back to God. Spanish law states,
secular authorities cannot go into a church and see someone who is seeking refuge.
It's sort of-
So it's biblical ghoul.
It's ghoul?
Yeah.
Why do you say ghoul?
That was what was when you were playing tag, and that was where you couldn't be tagged if you were
on ghoul. You don't remember ghoul? When you were playing tag, and if you were on like,
if your hand was on ghoul, then you couldn't be tagged.
Then you take your hand off ghoul, and you'd have to run away.
You didn't have ghoul?
So this is where...
It's so interesting, the regionals.
It's so great.
Yeah.
You didn't know ghoul?
No, I didn't have ghoul.
Yeah, you had ghoul.
Your hand was on ghoul.
So it's biblical ghoul.
So if you're inside, so if you're inside
of the church, they couldn't come get you. Right. So you just like whatever they were,
if they were after you just run and be like, Hey, yeah, listen, I really want to be a part
of this thing. I love it. He, I want to be, I'm, I'm into God. I'm super into God now.
So yeah, what are we doing? Are we praying? What are we doing? Singing hymns? What do
we got? Are we putting our legs on that little stool thing there? What are we doing? Singing hymns? What do we got? Are we putting our legs on that little stool thing there? What are we doing?
I'll do whatever. Maybe we take a breath body bump the body blood. What are we up to? It's like the movie Highlander
There can only be one right remember they would go into it. You could they couldn't kill each other in a church
I didn't know that either. I've never seen a rule in Highlander. It's like the only rule, really. No, and you cut off a Highlander's head.
Yeah, and then you have the ghoul, and you drink it.
Pfft.
What did you, so when you played tagged,
was there a way that you were safe when you were a kid?
It was like a base or something.
We call it like a base, like a free base
or something like that.
Free base, yeah, of course you were from San Francisco.
Okay, so Carlos is in the store room, but he's not handing them over. Fernando, they're like,
give them to us. And they're like, no, I can't. He's got refuge.
Unfortunately.
Yeah, I can't do anything. This's a God thing and that's not happening.
So Fernando goes now it's not remember that the place has been attacked the mission. So
it's all been burned down. So it's actually they've converted a storeroom into the church.
So it's a storeroom. So he's in the storeroom. So he's in the tiniest church. Tiny church with the mops.
And he's just like, hey, build a bigger one.
I literally have to live here.
And so Fernando goes to the storeroom slash church,
and he takes Carlos.
And he shackles him.
He takes him to the Presidio.
He shackles him. And takes him to Presidio, he shackles him. And the father
tells Fernando if he doesn't return Carlos to the church slash store room, he's going
to be excommunicated. Like this is a big fucking deal. This is a big rule you just broke. And
Fernando's like, no, this guy's a criminal. He killed people and burned down a... Fernando
is excommunicated. Well, why wouldn't Fernando just be like, well, if that's
going to happen, I want to come back to the church.
He can't what you mean after he gets excommunicated.
Yeah, use the loophole.
Yeah.
Well, what?
Yeah.
All right.
I just live in the storage.
I'd be like, you're mad at me.
I'm part of it.
So he so Fernando is excommunicated now Fernando is,
and so are all the soldiers that he had with him. So all these guys,
whatever, I don't know how many there are, I didn't say,
but probably six or something. They're all excommunicated from the church.
Okay.
This happens in the middle of mass in the, in the store room.
He excommunicates them in the middle of mass in the store room.
So they have to get up and excuse me, pardon me, and squished by each other. Is this really a church?
So they have to, they have to leave in the middle of me.
So this, what this means is I think this is the only thing it means is means that he cannot
receive the sacrament of Holy Communion.
Who? Fernando?
Fernando and the guys who've just been excommunicated,
the other soldiers.
He can, they can go to mass.
They're still in the church, but they're like censored.
It's like probation, they're censored within the church.
So excommunication isn't to punish, but it's to make you repent in return.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that is what you're saying. So just think the end of it,
you're just like, all right, yeah, whoops. I was talking to some people, uh, these, this
religious couple at my show and I basically I'm like, at the end of all this, can I just
be like, oops. And they were like, yeah, if you mean it, I was like, I'm gonna do that as way better.
Well, Fernando is very upset, right? He's he's a serious Catholic, like Catholics is jam.
And it means if he dies, he won't receive last rights. Just big. So a couple of things that he writes to Anza.
And he praises Anza's work.
And then he asks him, can you tell the viceroy
what a good job I'm doing.
Quote, and that you are well able to inform him
that since 1768, when they sent me to these parts, my life has been that of
a martyr.
It's a little bit of drama.
Has it been?
I don't know.
I mean, he's saying it is, but...
I feel like, isn't there a key part to martyrdom?
I think so.
It's like there's one huge component to martyrdom.
There's a big part that we seem to be missing.
I feel like, here's how I know you're not a martyr.
You're pitching me on it.
Yes.
That is, yes.
Feels like.
So that's like such a Trump thing.
I'm a martyr.
Totally is.
So answer's like, look, I'm about to go to San Francisco and the soldiers and the settlers,
they're frustrated and they want to go.
They're tired of all this shit that's happening here with the excommunication and the blah
but he blah.
And he says he'd go quote, if you deem it useful.
He also said the children were being harmed by not having a permanent home.
He's like, these kids don't have a, these, they're just here.
They don't have a place to stay.
They called their house.
So Fernando is now fucking pissed.
He doesn't want to hear this shit.
Anza basically said he's on the missionary side when it comes to settlement in San Francisco.
Fernando and Anza then began
sending letters back and forth. Nice. I love a letter fight. You know I love a letter fight.
Yeah, it's a big letter fight. Fernando replies that he thought Anza was leaving supplies
and soldiers in San Gabriel and that due to the soldier issue, San Francisco founding
would have to be delayed. He's like, we don't have enough dudes to do this. I'm in charge. You can't take the dudes
Day later
Fernando goes to Monterey to ask Sarah to overturn the excommunication
So he's kind of go over the the father's head who actually indicate he's going to the boss. Yep, and
Anza is going south from San Francisco.
Okay.
And the letters are being written and sent
as they're both traveling.
That's gotta be a nightmare.
Well sometimes they're getting replies
to a previous letter before they get the other one.
The whole thing's a fucking jumble, right?
It's like having Yahoo email. What is he even talking about? We already talked about this man's drunk. What is he talking about?
so in Monterey ANSA sent a letter sends a messenger sorry sends a messenger south with a letter for Fernando and
meanwhile Fernando is
stopping at different missions on the way north to discuss the ex
communication with different Franciscan fathers trying to get them on his side.
Can I bend your ear for a moment?
Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah.
Tell me.
Okay.
So here's the seal.
Listen.
Yeah.
You know how a church is biblical ghoul?
No.
Yeah, you do. So, well, I feel like it isn't. But...
What?
So we had a fella...
Go ahead. I don't...
So we... Yeah, let me finish. This is important. Biblical ghoul.
Yeah, no.
Yeah. It's pretty standard.
No, it's not.
Have you read the Bible?
Yeah, many, many times.
You read the Book of Ghuul?
I read the Bible every day.
I read it to people.
It's my whole thing.
Literally, I'm all about the Bible.
Okay, let me just...
I'm like a Bible guy.
Can I just say, starting off, your attitude is intense.
Wow, but you're making up words.
Well, yeah, sorry.
Okay, so you're free-basing the Bible.
So there's a fella, he's staying in a storage room, aka a church.
Isn't it crazy that I'm being excommunicated over this?
No, you were told that you would be excommunicated.
You can't take a guy out of a church.
He's in a store, it's barely a church. It's so tiny. It's a church. We had to change it into a church. He's in a store, it's barely a church.
It's so tiny.
It's a church.
We had to change it into a church.
He's a criminal.
I'm getting him out.
Okay, well anyway, look, I should be forgiven, right?
Like I should be allowed to come back at this point.
No.
Yeah.
Isn't it your whole thing, forgive and forget and all that?
All I'm looking for is last rites.
Can I just get last rites?
No. Dude, I'm a martyr. You got to go talk to the big guy, Sarah.
God? Not the other big guy. I don't want to talk to Sarah. Sarah sucks. Yeah, but that's our big guy.
Well, he sucks. He's an idiot. Well, there's no one above him except God and I can't keep the keys.
You know him? I can't give you the keys. You know can't give you the keys you know I mean you gotta be you gotta be one of me one of our
crowd I've basically been killed over this already I think I died there I
hope so wait all right see you later thanks for stopping by thanks for
stopping by you know what I'm ex-communicating YouTube
this story I didn't like you're I'm double x you don't communicated you
don't think that means I'm communicated to X's nope it doesn't they don't
cancel out that's not how it works you're double you got to get to on X
communications now you guys are just stupid man well you shouldn't go around
like whining to everybody it's great nobody great. Nobody. I'm not whining
Do you want you guys are crazy?
I can triple it
I will triple your ex communication. This is getting stupid. All right, I ex communicate you
Boom, you can't
This is all so you don't have it you don't have the power
You ever eaten a horse?
I have.
So at San Luis Obispo,
Anza's messenger arrives with a letter and Fernando refuses to take it.
He's like, I'm fine.
And the messenger then has to ride with Fernando's party north,
holding a letter to give to him for two days.
Wow.
Until Fernando finally is like, OK, give me the letter.
He's so annoying.
But he doesn't read it.
He just puts it in his pocket.
Still, that messenger is awesome.
Yeah.
Doing the job.
Yeah.
That's what you want.
And then, without reading the letter he put in his pocket,
he gives the messenger a letter he wrote.
Oh, I hate that.
That's like when you're texting someone
and they've got the three dots while you're like, right?
You're like, I'm replying to you.
Don't three dot.
What are you doing?
So the messenger then leaves and goes back to Anza.
And he says, quote, sir, my captain
is becoming foolish and crazy and his
compare his companions who are coming with him say the same ever since he saw
me I have experienced a thousand insults so he asked to be discharged so he can
reenlist under Anza okay so he's, I don't want anything to do with that.
That's how bad it went.
Yes.
So Anza goes South to meet Fernando and a couple of soldiers
on the road said Fernando had gone nuts.
I was sensing something like that and he continues on and
he finds Fernando. Okay.
And Fernando is now wrapped in blankets. I love this. He's unshaven. Love it. Only his left eye
is showing out of his hat. I've done this on mushrooms. Without question.
And they meet in the middle of the road, both on horses.
Love that he's on a horse.
And the man is like, so how's your health, man?
How's your health?
Hello.
Quote, to this, he replied. He was having trouble in one leg.
I expressed my regret for his illness and immediately putting spurs to his mule.
He said, goodbye, Don Juan and passed on.
Oh, shit.
Oh, that's great.
It's so great that one of your legs hurts and then you use it, too.
Oh, it's so good.
Goodbye, God one.
As he's writing off, Anza is like, hey, you're going to reply to my last letter.
And Fernando said, quote, very well.
And that was it.
That was it.
That's awesome.
So now amongst the culture, that's like when you just put a thumbs up on the text.
That's right.
That's the, that's the, that's the equivalent.
So at the time in Spanish culture, it's like politeness is everything.
And right.
So this is horrifically offensive.
Right.
Like it's like beyond the pale and Anza is insulted and livid. Okay
It's shocking behavior. Like they just cannot believe this. I mean, it's a very well he did
But it's not something Anza can get past it is it is unforgivable. Yeah, he walked away. He ran away. He did
Friend who was just completely obsessed with overturning his excommunication.
There was no other reason for him to go to Monterey.
That's why he was headed there.
And his job had meant to meet with Anza and deal with the natives in San Diego.
That's his job.
So as Fernando rides away, Anza is like, take note of everything you just saw to his men.
He goes, I want you guys to remember this
because we're gonna put this on the record.
That guy was awesome.
And Fernando is now officially Anza's enemy.
Okay. Uh-oh.
So when Fernando arrives in Monterey,
the seals of the letters he was supposed to bring are all broken.
And he's like, I didn't do it.
It's an, it was an accident.
Wait, wait, explain that again.
These are not his letters.
Whose letters are getting these are just different letters that Fernando was
bringing with him for the mission.
Okay.
He's, he's carrying official messages.
Right. And they're broken. The seals are broken. Okay. He's carrying official messages. Right.
And they're broken, the seals are broken.
Okay, and he's like, I don't know.
I don't know.
What kind of sealer were you using?
Did you?
What kind of sealer is it?
I like to use a real waxy one.
I didn't read them, I didn't read the one
about your mom being dead.
Oh my God.
Some of these seals are broken.
There is some naughty shit in here.
There's also a lot of chocolate fingerprints
on some of these.
What?
Hey, come on.
What?
Oh my God.
Right here at the bottom, it says read by Fernando.
Once there, he unsettled and he sends an apology letter to Ansa, quote, beyond the pain in
the thigh from which you saw me suffering at the time, my high fever had not left me.
When I arrived here, I was confined to bed.
So he's like, but I was just sick and I didn't feel good.
I mean, he was covered in a bunch of blankets.
That happens.
But Anza did not get that letter until he fired off a go fuck
yourself letter.
Oh shit.
This is the delay.
Now.
This was the first of 19 letters they sent back and forth.
Wow.
And to said he would only communicate with Fernando because of duty and that Fernando was not qualified to be a royal officer and he
called him despotic. Wow. Anza was done with Fernando and called him whiny and
tiresome in the letters. Now on top of all that, Sarah does not like Fernando.
Yeah, he's got a lot of enemies. And he sided with the the fathers
who had excommunicated Fernando. Right. So he's dejected. Obviously, Fernando was just,
he's bumped like this is the worst case scenario. Yeah, everyone hates him Yeah, and he heads south and he answers at San Luis Obispo and Fernando arrives and he sends soldiers in
Because he stays away. He stays physically away
Once he gets his hands, but he stays three miles away from the mission and sends
dudes in,
which is not normal. That's not something that you did at the time.
That's personal. Yeah, that's personal.
So the next day Fernando comes to the mission and he's like, Hey,
can I meet with Anza? Can we? No, he hates you dude.
And he's outside the gates and Anza sends letters out saying,
I'll only talk to you in writing
So Fernando writes an apology letter quote your honor place your hand on your chest and treat me with respect
Now
He's he's in charge
So a governor writing that to someone under him
Was considered total debasement.
Like it was weird not how this works.
Right.
Which is considered completely humiliating.
So ANSA doesn't even reply to that.
I mean, I honestly don't think I've ever heard of anyone getting letter owned, but he's getting
letter owned.
Like he's losing the letter war. Remember remember he's just sitting outside the fucking mission.
Yeah. He's just like, come on. Is he, was he mad when he read it? What was his face?
So next day, Fernando comes into the mission and Anza stays in his room. He won't come
out of his room. So Fernando is like, Hey, can I go? Can I go meet with
Anza? And they're like, No, he's napping. So he's like, Can I meet with him when he wakes up? He's never and they're like,
you know, I just put in writing, just write it down. So I hope
you had a super cool nap. So listen, I really want to meet with you.
So Fernando leaves, like he's just totally, he's just totally buffed out.
Oh my God.
And he has to set to San Gabriel and Alonzo follows the next day and at San Gabriel, it's
Fernando's room to it's Fernando's turn to not come out of his room when Anzo arrives so while they're at the same mission again they keep writing
letters to each other instead of just talking face to face wow this is very
reminiscent of my parents Anzo wrote three sorry Fernando wrote three letters
and Anza didn't respond till he read all three of them and then he responded So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,
so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,
so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,
so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, of day. The next day they exchanged letters about San
Francisco and Fernando said the viceroy didn't need to hear
about their squabbles.
And he accused Anza of leaving Monterey before his leg had
healed enough to talk.
So his story is okay.
His new story is I went up to Monterey
and I was feeling terrible and I couldn't talk
and you just left.
Okay.
I really, when you read that letter,
or when you read that he wrote off, I was like,
silly man, I wasn't like, oh my God, he'll never recover.
He never does.
He's like, am I the only one who saw that you shot my leg that day?
Remember when you had my leg taken off?
And he said the reason, he said the reason that you left, that Anza left, the reason
you left, quote, I believe you did this so that we could not speak to each other.
You did this all.
You came, this was all part of your silly
Little plan, wasn't it?
Aren't you happy completely made up? It's just completely. Yeah. Yes, just total fucking
Yeah, it barely makes sense in the and he's got all the witnesses. It's just it's yeah
So answers like pathetic so answers like hey do not ever bring this up to me again.
Well, what?
Wait, dude, he basically just muted him on Twitter.
Oh my God.
So, um, so during, uh, during all this time that they're sending letters to the Viceroy,
so they're both trying to get in front of the stories
to the boss.
So they're both sending him letters.
And again, Fernando's like, can I please retire?
Which is already in motion.
Like they're already having him.
I would imagine, yeah, everyone's like,
yeah, we want you gone.
So Anza leaves San Gabriel on May 2nd
and he heads for Mexico. And the next day Fernando writes him another letter explaining why he was so weird on the road and that Anza should not be so hostile.
Is the way that the letter delivery works at this time that like someone has to just haul ass to go catch. Wow. Someone has to ride non-stop overcome what is essentially a slower party because
they're not riding as fast. Right. But I'm sure guys got lost or whatever died, missed it and died.
So he also.
So he also, okay, so he also he also tells Anza that his final report on San Francisco isn't ready yet for the Viceroy. Fernandez isn't. Right and Anza is
supposed to bring that to the Viceroy. Right. So he's like I don't have it yet
and as a response saying Fernando is rude and a common soldier who had been bumped up
and he was unprofessional for not having the report ready.
He's just like, you are a fucking shit show.
And that he was lucky he didn't get in a fight because quote, you would undoubtedly have
been the loser.
So now he's like, and I would fucking kick your ass by the way.
And we're all you're like you talked about before the level of decorum that's sort of
required.
So this is really, oh yeah, it's all fancy.
Yeah.
I mean, they have all these documented.
You can look them up like all that.
But I mean, that is like, that's a real, that's like, you're a common soldier.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Common soldiers.
Yeah.
Fernando responded quote, for God's sake, what do you want with me?
He's he's so it's so sad.
It's genuinely pathetic.
Yeah. And that was their last exchange ever.
Well, because I was like, so like he's just I mean, he really is just very dismissive.
And Fernando is like, I will suck your dick.
Couldn't you see Anza just reading this out to his men?
Like he just laughing now.
He says apparently I bit his leg.
So both men sent more letters to the Viceroy who cannot believe
what is happening.
He must just be like what the fuck guys.
Yeah, this is like to the I mean, honestly, this is like
two 12 year old boys or not even that like you 12-year-old boys, or not even that,
like 10-year-old boys.
Yeah.
The Viceroy reprimands both of them.
Now, back in San Diego, Fernando, I mean, you were right.
He gets there, and he puts Carlos back
in the storeroom slash church.
And that was it.
His excommunication was lifted.
Ah. So dumb. He's his ex communication was lifted.
So dumb.
Well, and by the way, like he's at the point where he's just like, I need a win.
He like feels, so you got owned so bad.
So bad. So that's over. Um,
Fernando immediately then arrested Carlos again and locked him up. I don't know how he didn't do it.
He just didn't take him out of the storeroom church, but somehow he got him and locked
him out.
He must have gone out of the storm to go to the bathroom or something.
Well, he probably was like, hey man, he returned me.
It's cool.
What's up, Fernando?
He's like, you're under arrest now.
Yeah.
I mean something.
So Father Lawson quote, thanks be to God, The matter has been brought to a happy and satisfactory conclusion
Except for Carlos. Well and and several Carlos and also Fernando lost his mind and is like, yeah
No, there's that right when he was a Cyclops in some blankets
But Fernando is done. He only wants to retire now and he
he does catch two more leaders of the attack and he writes the viceroy of
the, the win that he got.
And he closed the letter with quote, I am exhausted and weary of such fatigue and events
make me think of nothing else but asking your excellency for retirement.
He's like, yeah, no, trust me, dude, I'm trying to fire you. Yeah. On May 8th,
he ordered his men to go ahead with founding the San Francisco Presidio. Okay. He's very pouty
about it. Father Sarah arrived with fresh supplies from Monterey on a ship and Sarah wrote quote,
Rivera's countenance, the officers of the boat noticed
was pale and apprehension with apprehension
because of my arrival wants back the Presidio
with the fathers, he went to bed saying he was sick.
Oh man.
So he's doing it again.
Yep.
He's pouting.
Yep.
By October, most of the leaders of the attack were caught.
And Sarah then asked for leniency to save their souls.
But Fernando put them in chains for months.
And then Sarah reaches out to the Viceroy, who's like,
Fernando, take it easy. Just relax. So he releases them and he goes north.
See how easy I am to work with good note by the way
by Troy good note.
So he goes north because he has to attend the founding of the San Francisco and Santa
Clara missions.
Okay.
The San Francisco mission was formally founded on October 9th, 1776.
But Fernando arrives in November.
Perfect.
Fashion, but but he approves both locations. He's like, okay, November. Perfect. Fashionably late.
But he approves both locations.
He's like, okay, fine, great. I'll sign off on it.
Right.
Then Fernando was reassigned back as commander of the Loretto Presidio in February 1775.
So now he's back in his original position, head military guy in Mexico or New
Spain or whatever it's right. The king is the one who actually
made that call, but he had done it in August 1775. So a year
and a half earlier before all this should happen, the king
was like, let's put Fernando back at Loretto. Wow. But it had taken all this time for bureaucracy and just general
travel to get it. So after all that Fernando's like finding ends are just like, Oh, wow.
I mean, we didn't even. Golly. And it's nice that a couple of pals can look back and have a little giggle.
I mean, there's no way all the soldiers don't know about it.
Everyone talks. Right. Right.
They were just like, this guy's an idiot.
In 1781, Fernando was ordered to recruit settlers in Senola
and Sonora and lead them over the Anza Trail to a new settlement
named Los Angeles.
Oh, man.
So that's trail two.
Yeah, right.
Remember?
So they have to pass through Yuma territory and the Yuma were pretty tired of Europeans
at this point.
They were becoming more and more hostile.
They're like, yeah, these guys are not great. So a Spanish officer lets a horse herd graze in the Yuma's fields.
And so they are not happy. And they attacked two missions on July 17 1781. They kill all but two
men. They enslave all the women and kids.
And Fernando was traveling and he was on the other side of the river
while this is happening. So all they could do was watch
as they just killed and did all this.
Was he just like, what a moon?
Bright moon tonight.
He also only had 18 soldiers and two women. So
there's really nothing you could have done anyway, except get
killed. The next day, several hundred Yuma then surrounded
them on their side of the river. And they ended up fighting all
day. And Fernando de Rivera's body was riddled with arrows. He
died there. He's 57 years old. Wow. You'd have thought like all the letters in his pocket sort of protected
Yeah
The leader of the Yuma took Fernando's uniform and leather shield and his chest of coins all paperwork and
payroll information was lost
So the Yuma attack ended anybody traveling
on the Anza Trail.
It was kind of a death blow for the Spanish claims
to Alta California.
They would never recover and like put up a fight
for Alta California.
Fernando left behind a wife and three kids,
which who should have been taken care of because
of his service and the fact that he died while working for the crown.
Fernando's brother took in his family and after a couple years, Fernando's widow wrote, asking
for aid.
She's like, Hey, what about money?
Do I get anything? And her letter was forwarded a year after they received it to
The general of internal provinces who opened up an inquiry
Into this payment situation and the response came eight years later. Nice
It took so long because of the way he died and the accounting situation
Oh, wow, cuz I'm all pay member, the payroll, that shit that been taken.
So it turns out the chest of coins had been in advance that was given to Fernando.
And in July 1796, the Royal Tribunal said it had figured it all out as best as possible.
had figured it all out as best as possible and his heirs were owed 11,877 pesos. But the problem with that being now his widow and his kids were dead, the three kids. Only
one kid was still alive.
So that kid was like, cool.
He was a priest, Juan Batista.
Oh, wow.
But there were also a bunch of grandchildren alive and they were all living in poverty.
On May 27th, 1819, years after he died, the crown gave his heirs 11,877 pesos.
It's better than the VA.
Wow, that's crazy. You know, it's crazy also, like, how much it took for the Indians to attack.
Right?
Like, it was not, like, it feels like they, like, they just had to hit their breaking
point of when they did.
People are like, shit, that was not good.
Yeah.
And the disrespect of being, of like, we've been getting mad at them.
We've been telling him not to do this
Yeah, now they just have their fucking animals grazing and our in our crops. Yeah, they were just fucking done, right? Yeah
Yeah, pretty pretty
People are weird pretty shocking how little of that I remember because well not that long ago really
yeah, I remember part I remember remember the kind of the letter stuff.
Like I said, I remember Church School.
I obviously didn't call it Church School because of your reaction.
But yeah, I don't know.
It's crazy.
I mean, it's just crazy.
It is.
It's like reading an email chain from the 1700s. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's like reading an email chain from the 1700s.
Yeah. Yeah, it is. The sources, The Forgotten Governor by John Willis,
Anza's California Expeditions by Herbert Eugene Bolton, and Gary Kamiya wrote in the San Francisco gate.com SF founders
rudeness led to disgrace bloody end.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
Well, there it is.
Gobble gobble.