The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 64 - The Past Times with Adren Myrin
Episode Date: March 1, 2024Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are rejoined by the delightful Arden Myrin. Redbubble Merch Rocket Money...
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Rocketmoney.com.tpt. All right everybody, welcome to the Pastimes Podcast.
Each week we go through an old newspaper
from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony.
I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before
and neither is our guest this week.
Arden Marine, hello Arden.
Hello Gareth, how are you?
Now remember the last time, you were one of our first guests.
I don't know if you know that.
No, I didn't know.
But I got your name, your last name wrong, even though.
That's cause we weren't best friends yet.
We weren't BFFs then.
Now.
Now, we're like deep in.
We've been through everything.
And I'm on the outside.
No, no, Dave, you're a day, you're like,
inner sanctum.
I'm old enough.
I consider you inner sanctum, Dave, even though I haven't seen you in person for years, I consider you intersanctum, Dave.
Even though I haven't seen you in person for years,
I consider you a close friend of mine.
Is that weird?
It is weird.
And I'll tell you, it would be great to have Dave
on your podcast, but there's no way he'd watch an episode
of The Bachelor of the Bachelor.
100% I would not.
I know you would.
You would not?
So Arden, you have a podcast that I do
probably two or three times a season called
Will You Accept This Rose?
Yes.
When you break down the bachelor,
or the bachelorette, or the golden bachelor, Dave,
that's where they pee on each other.
And...
Maybe I will watch it.
You would love it.
And you have a movie on Amazon.
I have a movie.
I have an Amazon movie called Step Aside.
And it's like bring it on, like a best in show
kind of combination of the dance world.
A mockumentary of the dance world.
A mockumentary of the dance world.
And I'm like an Abby Lee Miller type.
And I have a routine, you guys.
I get to do a routine.
She's a you type, first of all. She's a you type, okay? Move over, Abby Lee Miller type. And I have a routine, you guys. I get to do a routine. She's a you type, first of all.
She's a you type, okay?
Move over, Abby Lee Miller.
We get mistaken for one another a lot.
As you should.
A lot.
But you are fantastic.
And what's your Instagram, Yogan?
Thank you for asking.
It's ard and marine.
My last name, it looks like Myron.
M-Y-R-I-N.
Thus, the pronunciation of the last name, it's a Tuffy.
It's Tuffy.
Can I tell you something, Gareth?
Yes.
Katie the Bachelorette is coming to do the podcast next to you.
Dave.
I'll be there.
That's amazing.
First one, that's amazing.
That is amazing.
Are you excited?
I am, I'm excited.
Oh my Lord, this is big Dave.
You don't know.
This is big news.
No, I know.
This is big news.
I'm trying to relate it to Dave's world,
but I'm not really sure what he does.
Well, it would be like if someone,
maybe Kelly Slater came to visit me.
Okay.
It's weird.
Isn't he a skateboard guy?
Doesn't matter.
Now Arden, we, this paper will be old and we don't know when it's weird. Isn't he a skateboard guy? Doesn't matter. Now, Arden, this paper will be old,
and we don't know when it's from.
Since you last did the show,
I think we've incorporated a guess of the year.
Oh, that's not.
So we can guess a year.
People are loving it,
and this guess of the year is sponsored by,
I can't believe it's not butter.
I can't believe it's not butter.
This isn't butter, and now we're gonna guess. But this is a guess. And Mark can. That's fine believe it's not butter. This isn't butter. And now we're going to guess.
But this is a guess. That's fine. That's fine. So I'll go first because I'm a man.
Yeah, sure. It's your right. It's your right. It's your right.
Because I'm right even if I'm wrong. Yeah, that's so great.
I will guess that the year is going to be 1910. Oh, okay.
Okay. your turn. Now, may I ask you what is the most recent year that in general
your years could be? We've gone like to the 1600s, but I don't think it'll be
anything near that. No, the most recent year. That we've done? Well, these are like, would you ever be 1972?
It could be.
Okay.
I'm gonna say, I'm gonna guess 1927.
Okay.
Arden, so close, 1924.
Wow.
And you went over, so you actually don't win both shows.
Oh, it's like crisis right.
I don't know.
Crisis right.
The odour fell over. Yeah. As's like crisis, right? I know. So, as usual. I won the O'dullar, the O'dullar fell over.
Yeah. As usual, Gareth had the worst guess.
Oh. There's only two.
Pretty standard. Pretty standard.
So he could always just guess like 1500 and be right if somebody goes over.
I mean, the rules he just set. It's the $1 of the past times year game.
The rules he just set like a minute ago? Yeah.
Yeah. Art of 1927, good guess.
I'm gonna go with one again. The rules he just set like a minute ago, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Art of 1927, good guess.
I'm gonna go with one again.
I'm gonna do one again.
He needs to win.
He needs this.
He needs to guess that can of soup price so fairly, yes.
All right, and now.
So this paper is from Altoona, Kansas?
Okay, fun name of a town.
Altoona, T-O-O, and not Tuna.
Okay. Not like the,
it looks like it's about a hundred miles away
from Kansas City.
Okay.
Further away the back.
Between Kansas and Oklahoma.
Okay.
What a terrible, terrible place to live.
Um.
Numbers there have dropped.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Nobody wants to be trapped between those two places.
No.
Well, if anyone's listening from there,
we wanna thank them for outtuning in.
Wow.
We love to laugh.
We love to laugh.
We love to have fun and to laugh.
We love to laugh on and to laugh.
We love to live, laugh and love.
You have that, I see about over your shoulder, you have a live laugh, love, love. Not only do I have to live, laugh and love. You have that on the, I see about over your shoulder,
you have a live, laugh, love, love, love.
Not only do I have one there,
I also wear a sandwich board whenever I go on my walks.
And I go about walk about eight miles a day
with a live, laugh, love, sandwich board on ringing a bell.
Yeah, wherever I am.
I would watch that show.
Yeah, a lot of people do.
Yeah.
There's people, people are watching. People are talking, people are watching. Yeah, a lot of people do. Yeah. There's people, people are watching.
People are talking, people are watching.
Yeah, yeah.
So this is February 21st, 1924, the Altoona Tribune.
Okay.
First page here, the headline is, ooh, terrible.
Can you do that?
Ooh, terrible, it's one, two, three, four, do that? Ooh, terrible.
It's one, two, three, four, five, six O's.
Wow.
Is that allowed in a paper?
It feels like a diary entry.
I feel like somebody wrote that in their diary.
I don't think that can be a headline.
You know what, anything goes in Altoona.
I can't, and by the way, isn't that the slogan
when you drive into Altoona?
Ooh, terrible.
Population, population six, three, eight.
Ooh, not good.
Ooh, terrible.
Ooh, I'll tell you what you should do is tuna around.
Get outta here, it is trash.
Yeah, yeah.
A girl in Fredonia played post office
at a party post office, is that a parenthesis?
I've played post office.
Sorry, quotations.
I've been, Garrett's trying to trick me
into playing post office.
Well, I just, listen, many times I've just,
it's where you jam your package into someone without.
It's a lot of, I'm gonna deliver my package.
Yeah, it's a lot of delivering in the package.
I was like, I'm gonna return to Tender.
And I was like, you sign for it.
You have to open it now.
You know, it don't fall for it, Dave.
It wasn't great.
Dave, I wanna play post office with you.
You're gonna love it.
Is it your package?
Is it your package?
Yeah, I need you to sign for my package, please.
I love that. I love that. It keeps it spicy. Yeah, I need you to sign for my package, please. I love that.
I love that.
It keeps it spicy.
Yeah, it really does.
It keeps it spicy.
The 10 years.
I recommend if you've been married
as long as I have, play post office.
We all came here to ask, what's your secret?
That's it, I play post office with a lady.
Oh, and you got a foxy lady, I know you're fo you're not here i did you married foxy i did marry foxy yeah
good job
i uh... i comment on the sometimes it beats me up go ahead
yep a girl in fordonia played post office at a party and yelled and shrieked
and howled and ran behind the door and scratched the young man's face in seven
places upset a lamp, kicked over the
piano stool, and when he finally kissed her on the tip of the ear, she fainted dead away and said
she could never look anybody in the face again. Wow. The fact that this is an article and it's
an opening paragraph. Yeah, it's an article. By the way, how is an article and that this is an opening paragraph.
Yeah, it's an article.
By the way, how is this post office?
Like that to me.
I don't know.
It's definitely one of my questions.
Kicked over a lamp.
No, no, no, she upset a lamp.
She upset a lamp. It's a lot different.
She kicked over a piano stool.
She upset a lamp.
The lamp she just bothered.
She told the lamp that she didn't like their outfit.
She told the lamp that the joke was funny.
As a man turned to his wife and said,
I don't think she's been to the post office.
Okay, so let me read the last part of this article.
And then they led a bashful, modest, gentle,
they led the bashful, modest, gentle sob they led the bashful, modest, gentle, sobbing creature home
and the next day she ran away
with a married lightning rod peddler.
Wow.
Now, I looked at post office and it is Laura Ingalls
from Little House and the Prairie.
She wrote in her autobiography
that people would play post office a lot.
Okay.
The group playing is divided into two groups,
a girls group and a boys group.
One group goes into another room,
and the other group goes into what is called
the post office, and to play each person from group A,
individually visits the post office,
and once then they receive a kiss from everyone in the room.
Oh, so it is kind of horny.
It's a horny party game.
It's a horny party.
It's a horny party, that's fun.
That's fun.
I would absolutely play Poe.
You get kissed by everyone.
But you have to see who's the guest list,
you know what I mean?
I'm fine.
I'm like, give me your tires, your poor, your hungry,
as long as they're lubed, let's go.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
Are we recording?
That's beautiful, it's gorgeous.
That's on the back of my live laugh love sandwich board.
As long as they're lubed up, let's go.
Let's go.
I just hear sirens a lot and I'm running through forests.
Sure.
Yep.
It's just how it goes.
Yeah.
Okay, but so she didn't,
she lost her mind during post-office.
Yeah, she yelled a treat and howled and scratched the man.
She upset a lamp, kicked over a piano stool.
You could have just said, we're closed today.
Yeah.
Yeah, or you could have just said, you know what?
I don't want to, I'm gonna sit this one out.
Like, if we play this, I'm gonna sit this one out. Like, it doesn't-
Hey, if we play this,
I'm gonna literally lose my fucking mind.
She burned down the house.
Yeah.
She was like, I'm gonna burn down the whole town.
That guy doing a little bonacca, like,
excuse me gentlemen, I'll be right back.
Oh my God, what is she doing?
Yeah, I mean, she's, if she's not into it,
nobody's allowed to be into it.
Yes, yes, that's right.
She's like a teetotaler of kissing parts.
She went postal.
She went postal.
She went postal.
She rolled in and he was like,
I'm gonna lick your stamp.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
That's like that.
I think that there's also a piano still to kick over.
Like, I can picture this house.
Yes, I like it. I like it. I picked
her a very dusty rose like an olive green dust a lot of velvet. Yes. Yes. Okay. Easy.
I see this is like in the old tiny world. Arden walks in and someone goes,
it's Arden. Hey, sing us a song. And the guy hits the piano and Arden starts dancing
and singing.
Oh, I would have killed, I would have killed
the post of it.
I would have crossed this moment.
I was born to work at a saloon or be a little bit later,
like a Busby Berkeley musical,
like the number 13 in the kick line,
like go on and shuffle it off to Bob Bob.
You're a little early, but I love the height.
I would have killed just like a cigarette girl
at the rainbow room.
That's great.
I would have loved to play post office
in this weird little town.
It's not too late.
I mean, you have good parties,
you could play post office here next.
My house was 1925.
Your house is amazing.
Thank you, Gareth.
You gotta come over, Dave.
Dave, what?
I'll come over.
What podcast do I have to do to get you to watch?
What would lure you, Dave?
What would lure you, Dave, to come play post office?
That's a good question.
What do you watch?
What's your garbage?
What's your secret trash?
What trash do I watch? That's a tough one. I'm actually a good television watcher. Oh, what trash do I watch?
That's a tough one.
I'm actually a good television watcher.
I don't watch any.
I don't.
My wife watches a lot of the murder shows, which I don't watch.
OK, she doesn't get afraid.
She tried to get me to watch the weird kidnapping one on HBO
that just came out or Netflix that just came out
where the woman got kidnapped and it turned out to be everyone thought
it was fake, but it was real.
Where was she?
I think that's most things.
She was in California.
That's, I get scared by stuff like,
I have a hard time watching like the murder ones.
Oh, I'm a murderer.
Why would you want me over?
Oh my God, you crush it.
You're, I want to say the,
the fact that this made the front page of this town.
Yeah.
And that, I wonder if there was,
and then she went off with a lightning rod salesman,
which was also an incredible job.
Almost sleeping on that fact until you brought it back.
Yes, it's amazing that she was like,
I mean, we've got the stability, he's got the benefits,
he's a lightning rod salesman.
Everyone would all need those forever. I mean, I would got the stability. He's got the benefits. He's a lightning rod salesman. Everyone will need those forever.
I mean, I would imagine in like Kansas,
like I'm sure there's,
I picked it didn't Dorothy's house have like,
like I feel like there's all sorts of weather.
You would need, everybody would need a lightning rod.
Yes, I agree.
Also a very difficult job to be like
when it starts raining, you're like,
Jesus Christ, I couldn't be in a worse position.
I gotta get my merch home. I gotta get my merch home.
I gotta get my merch home.
I'm gonna die.
Yeah.
If this lightning, the lightning is really
gonna be looking for me today.
Yeah.
Well, it's also like she married a bad boy.
You know what I mean?
Like he's like with the plan.
He's a lightning rod salesman.
He's a bad boy with a plan.
Yeah.
Didn't it say that he was a married lightning rod?
Like did she steal somebody else's lightning rod, ma'am?
Yes, it does say married lightning rod peddler.
I mean, look, she's this woman is.
She's a lightning rod.
She was either the hottest gal in town
who was just like bad shit crazy and like sexy and fun
and like, like she's a wild card.
Like, she's so hot that you know you shouldn't,
but you can't help yourself
and she's gonna fucking burn
Watching her upset a lamp really turns my crank
Or I Feel like that's who she was I feel like she was like the hot wild card that you know
I know I shouldn't put my finger on the stove
But she's so hot that like we're just gonna kind of let her get away with her shenanigans, you know
Well and shit. I mean to be able to get,
I've never heard a headline that is, ooh.
So.
Terrible, terrible.
Yeah, ooh, terrible.
Ooh, terrible.
Like the paper's surprised by your behavior.
How, what was the guts of the article?
What was the middle of the article?
That's the whole article, it just describes her
knocking stuff over and running around and scratching
and then it's literally just a tiny paragraph.
Also scratching.
Yeah, scratching.
Don't sleep on scratching.
Now look,
I mean unless it was just like the creepiest
like key party that she did not wanna be at.
But like, you know, the scratching is like,
oh, she's, I think she's a fun sexy,
I think she's a fun sexy round car.
I like that about you.
I like, she's got bachelor,
Arden's taking the bachelor, she's like,
look, we've got her, she's enjoying the season of this woman.
She's like, she'll make the house interesting. She is, she's like, look, we've got her. She's enjoying the season of this woman. She's like, she'll make the house interesting.
She is.
She's like the fun villain.
There's other things going.
She yells, she howls, but Arden's like, no,
the scratching, the drawing of blood,
that's what makes her the wild, fun, crazy party gal.
Yeah.
She's got some tissue under those nails.
And then she's like, you know what?
I will take this married lightning rod tailsman
and like, off we go. She's feels like a star to me.
And maybe she was also like, you guys are gross.
I want the hot bad boy.
Fuck this weird game.
I don't want to get out of here.
Yeah, I got a bunch of lightning rods
and I'm pedaling them.
Wow.
Maybe after the post office, she's like,
well now I'm soiled and it doesn't matter
and no one will take me.
Okay, yeah.
And then this guy came to the door and he's like,
I sell lighting rods.
Are you guys looking for lightning rods?
Hello?
Two for a dollar.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
All right, so let's see what the follow-up is.
That's it, that's the one.
Well, what's the next, like what's the next story?
Oh, the next story is a bad deal.
The headline.
This isn't the same paper.
Trump paper.
It's right below it, yeah.
Okay.
It is said that a young man from Buffalo
got too much booze in Altoona last Thursday night
and almost died.
Wow.
He finally recovered and returned home.
A nice advertisement for Altoona
and also the young man, but worse for Altoona
because it is of age.
We understand the boy is only 20.
Who can get a job at this newspaper?
That's right.
I literally, this article could have been written about me
a thousand times.
This was me at 21.
Yeah, you liked to party.
I crashed a party in Newport Rhode Island at a mansion.
Let's play Post Office.
I tried to play Post Office.
They had a gin and tonic, but they were out of tonic,
so I just was like, that's fine. And I had a tumbler of gin.
And then I went and I vomited on the tennis,
the international tennis hall of fame.
Of course you did.
What a lovely, lovely testament.
Yeah. And you know what?
It was, but a new part was of age.
And I, you know, to me.
A tumbler of gin. It was a tumb was of age. And I, you know, to me. A tumbler of gin.
It was a tumbler of gin.
And I'm not a heavyweight to begin with.
So it was like this.
It's a wild move for a lightweight.
Wild move for a young lightweight, a wild move.
And I got, I had been to England for a week.
I, all of a sudden, the fake British accent came out.
This is.
It was not my best.
Yeah, I don't know.
It doesn't sound ooh, terrible to me.
You threw up on the Tennis Hall of Fame.
Yes, I threw up on the Tennis,
Internationals on the Wall
of the International Tennis Hall of Fame.
It's called Serving.
Yes, it's called Serving.
I served it up.
You painted the lines.
Mm-hmm, I did. Okay, so Dave, so what is that? Yes, it's called sir. I served you painted the lines. Mm hmm.
I did.
Okay, so Dave, so what is that?
I don't know.
A guy just got drunk.
It's basically saying a guy got really drunk.
He almost died.
He's underage and that doesn't look like he's down.
Is he underage?
Yeah, he's 20.
Yeah, but this is in 1924.
Oh, it might be 18.
Yeah, it might be okay that,
yeah, cause 18 I think was the 18 until like yeah the 80s or something
Or maybe wait my brother was pretty my brother turned 18 and then they changed the law and they so they couldn't retroactively
Make it 21 once you'd pass the threshold so my brother
Yeah make it 21 once you'd pass the threshold, so my brother. He could drink. Yeah. Wow.
I figured it out.
I didn't even know you had a brother.
I didn't either.
Are you guys tight?
Yeah, we're buddies for sure.
Yeah, I love my brother.
Dave, do you have a brother?
I have a sister.
I bet you're tight.
We're pretty close.
That's so cool.
I have a brother.
Yeah. Oh.
And you're tight with your brother. I am, he's the best. That's so cool. I have a brother. Yeah. Oh!
And you're Tywin, your brother.
I am, he's the best.
He's hilarious.
We should do a thing where we get our siblings
to do a podcast together.
That would be really fun.
Let's have him do a pastimes.
That would be really fun.
Dave, your sister can lead.
Yeah.
Oh my God, my brother would be a star.
My brother would not.
My brother would be like, he would be would not, my brother would be like,
he would be good, but he would definitely be like,
I'm not comfortable with this.
My brother takes some swings,
I've had him on some live podcast
and he'll take some swings and they do not always,
Shooters shoot, shooters shoot,
they do not always connect with the ball.
Shooters shoot.
And I try to protect him sometimes.
He'll make some jokes that maybe you shouldn't make now.
How great is it when you're,
when you're, I've been toying with a standup joke
about this where the amount of times with my English family
will be halfway through his story and I'll go,
does it matter that the guy's Asian?
Like does that come back?
Like, because over there they're just like,
it was an Asian man, he was crossing the street
and I'm like, okay, is that,
what's that detail all about?
Oh my God, I mean, it's still,
it's still every time, every time.
I'm like, why is that, doesn't feel part of it.
Yeah, it's wild.
I just had that on a job I was doing.
A person I was working with kept saying,
like kept pointing out the race
of whoever he was telling the story about.
And it felt wild to me.
He was like a newspaper from the 1900s.
What I like to do is I don't tell them
and then when the person shows up I go, she's black.
Yes.
Ha ha! Everybody loves her. And I didn't even's black. Yeah. Ha ha.
Everybody loves her.
And I didn't even tell you.
People love that.
People, yeah, especially, yes.
So it makes your guest comfortable.
Your guest is comfortable, you're not like it.
Everyone's like, wow, this guy's so balanced.
And this is so balanced, he's so balanced.
Yes, this guy's doing fine.
All right, David, are we still on the front page here?
Yeah, but I did learn Kansas is a dry state at this point.
So that's what's going on.
Oh, so there was no age.
No, there's no drinking, yeah.
I love that he was just specifically like,
a guy got hammered.
A guy got hammered.
A guy got absolutely hammered.
You know, I'm from a small town
and our local paper is still
The headlines are still like, you know a stone wall got knocked over like, you know chicken
Suspected like there will be stole
There will be articles my brother has to see my brother lives in New York City and gets it delivered to his ma- Oh my God.
All of our cops, because it's not online,
he gets it delivered to his house
because the headlines are so funny.
Is it true that Netflix is doing
the chicken suspected mini series?
I was led to believe they were gonna do-
Dave's wife is very-
Very invested, Dave.
Very invested.
I think the chicken's a rooster.
Terrified, absolutely terrified.
This sounds like a fun town.
I feel like.
Don't agree.
I feel like this town.
I feel like this town.
I feel like this town.
But don't you feel like people are like trying to like,
it feels like a lot of like young people.
Big swingers, yeah they're going.
Big swingers, I'm not mad at that.
No I'm not even.
I'm not even mad at that.
No, if you make the paper for getting drunk, it's pretty good.
I'm gonna say that next time.
I got so drunk, I think I might make the paper.
Yeah, the LA Times.
Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
Okay, this, Gareth Weir also brought to you by Rocket Money.
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This one doesn't have a headline.
It just says, is that an issue?
B, well, the headlines are fun.
Be sure and get a good grip on the next,
be sure to get a good grip on the necks
of the Fredonia girls before you try to kiss them.
What?
All right, so the paper has taken a darker turn.
Okay, so now I'm in a full circle to the first woman who burned down the house.
Maybe these guys are disgusting.
Yeah, that's a problem.
I mean, get a real good grip on their neck.
Get a good grip on the throat.
Did it say throat?
Yes.
Neck.
Neck will throat.
But let's be, there is no situation
where that would be a move you'd pull.
Also that it's like,
that it has to be news for the week for the town.
Cause gals are getting away with the lighting rod salesman.
Do you know what I mean?
I actually think the problem is the fellas in this town.
I'm gonna start, I think she was right to burn down
the house of the king and set the lamp. My gut is always to take the back of the man
just because I feel like it's normally,
that's normally the path that's gonna be the most fruitful.
You're so right.
I mean, I don't know.
I definitely have been on a date
and then grabbed a woman by the throat and forced her,
you know what I mean?
Let's not, we're not gonna air this,
but this is just some talk.
Sure, this is a fellow being a forester.
I would imagine it's even hard to actually do that.
Like your hand would kind of,
Can't it be a woman with your choking or grabbing?
No, it's easy.
Yeah, well I mean, I think like,
It's easy.
Like I think the back of the head,
if it was like, hey, stop pushing that,
like that I'd be like, that I can see.
The fact that this has to be news is wild. Yes, that the paper was like, that I can see. The fact that this has to be news is wild.
Yes, that the paper was like, we gotta cover it.
Because the girls would get away.
Should we put up before that guy got drunk?
No, do it after the drunk guy.
This town has a young people.
It's like the Footloose town without the parents.
Yes, and I feel like the women are starting to be like,
yeah, we're not into this.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, it is a very forceful.
But it also keeps pointing out.
We can play post office when we kiss you.
Then we're gonna grab your neck to make you kiss us.
And then we're gonna get so hammered that we almost die.
Then we're gonna get so drunk.
It's also that they keep pointing out
that these are Fredonia women,
so they're women from a nearby town.
And they're like, these brads, don't get it.
Right, because they had to like, import them,
because the women, the local women, no better.
Yeah, we can't get laid here, we're going to Fredonia.
Fredonia, Fredonia!
Yeah. Hey, does you got any women?
Does she want to play post office,
or should I just grab her?
No, what, no.
Yeah. Yeah.
An out tune, an out tune young man tried to kiss one the other night
and she jerked her head back so quickly
she almost broke it.
See that's what I'm saying about this neck move.
This town.
She got kiss lash.
These guys are out of control.
Yes, 100%.
With their fucking, with their post office and the women are not
Feeling it. They do not want to kiss these guys. Yeah, no if a woman jerks her head back so quickly
She almost breaks it. She turns out she's not into the kids. Oh my god
I heard a pop and it feels like cool liquids going down there. What's I should kiss me?
It does feel like incel culture.
I think there are men who are just
are, you know, they have no concept of how this works.
So that's what's free will.
But I definitely think it sounds like, I mean, it's not OK.
Is this the main paper for the town? It's like, this is the town paper. Like, I mean, it's not okay. I feel a couple saying that.
Is this the main paper for the town?
It's like, this the town paper?
This wasn't like someone weird dude
with like a flyer in his basement.
Well, and you know that there were people
who were just like, you know, as there always are.
Like a guy, a 42 year old who sometimes is still
in altun and is like, I'm on, see, let me get this straight.
I can't grab a woman by the throat anymore
and put tongue in her.
I'll tell you what, this town is becoming Fredonia.
With this, it's also like, if you're gonna do it,
you better hang on to the neck.
Like, they're basically giving tips to the guy.
Eye, eyes. Don't let them get away.
You gotta hang tight.
Cause I don't. I like to cradle it like away, you gotta hang tight. Cause I wanna-
I like to cradle it like a baby without the neck strength.
So I put my hand behind and then grab the throat.
So you're sort of secure.
It's what I call post office.
I'm securing the package.
Yeah.
And then bringing it in so that nobody gets hurt.
I might sprain a wrist, but that's fine.
Yeah, so it's really, yeah, I feel like this town
has the least amount of moves of anybody
I've ever heard of in my life.
I think that's a safe.
Wow, okay.
All right, next story.
Mace liverwurst.
That's a terrible name.
This paper is real bad, I think that's a terrible thing.
I wonder nobody wants to make out with this.
Mace liverwurst, yeah. Paper is real bad. I think that's a wonder nobody wants to make out with me for words. Yeah
If she smells your mace liverwurst breath, that's why you got to grab the neck
She'll move if she smells it
Kicked over a piano still to get out of anything her best bet was a married lightning rod
I'm in probably just going through, he wasn't there,
he was just pedaling through.
She just needed to saw anybody to get her out of there.
Low bars. Anybody.
It's just the guy writing the paper who's doing it,
it's probably just him who's trying to kiss the women.
And he's also like, I feel bad I got so drunk,
I need to, this is my pen, I'm gonna let everybody know,
I'm gonna call it a man, but it was me.
And I tried to kiss my cousin, she broke her neck.
The paper's called, let me have it.
Gimme, the gimme times.
My rules.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, Mace liverwurst who injured his back last week
while playing checkers.
I thought it was a food.
Gareth completely missed the.
That was a man, it's Mace Liverwurst, it's a man.
All right, you keep going.
It's your new stage name.
It is.
Well, excuse me everyone, as I put my glitter cape on,
I'll be back.
Mace will be a while.
Gary was, Gareth was so distracted by the name that he missed the he missed.
I did. Mace liverwurst, who injured his back last week while playing checkers.
How do you hurt yourself playing checkers?
If your name is Mace liverwurst and you're such a tool that you hurt your back
playing checkers, I'm going to go play checkers with Mace liverwurst.
Yeah, it is in cells.
It's full in cells.
Yes.
This is like a town of a Reddit thread.
This is all one front page.
Yes.
This is incredible. This is incredible.
It is wide.
How did you find this?
How did you find this?
Miracles.
You just Google, if you Google Mace Liverwurst,
this normally comes up.
Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
A Mace says he never knew before
that his lifelong occupation was so dangerous.
He said he once injured his hand while pitching horseshoes,
but this is the first time he ever met with an injury
while playing checkers.
He says he will have to lay low during the rest
of the winter and not exert
himself any more than what is necessary. All winter?
All winter. He's on IR.
Checkers are for when you're like seven and you can't figure out chess yet.
Well, I mean, it's also your body's young so it can adjust to the pain and the strain
of a game of checkers.
Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
In Altena, checkers is like chess.
Women get grabbed by the throat to kiss
and this guy hurt himself playing checkers.
That's great.
That needs to take the winter off.
A nice, well, I'll see in the spring.
It's for like three months.
I'm gonna hibernate.
He's going low. Boys, I gotta shut down the checker house.
What if you just use your other arm?
Not possible.
The whole thing's shut.
I don't know how to check with the,
I can't do,
I've never trained myself.
It's like sitting and drinking by a fire.
Yeah.
Woo, I'm done.
Oh, that's interesting, because here we go.
As we started to leave, he called us over to his bedside
and whispered in our ear, quote,
do you know where a fellow could get a little whiskey?
Oh my god.
I believe if I had a few swallows,
it would bring me out of this.
Okay.
So this town is filled with alcoholics.
This town is just filled with alcoholics.
The men are on fire.
The men are cooking with gas for sure.
But it's why we shouldn't,
China outlaw alcohol has just,
like it's just pie in the sky, you can't do it.
I mean, this guy might be faking a checker injury
so that he can just get a couple nips.
Are we in the middle of the, when was prohibition?
Like the 20s.
Yeah, this, in their town.
Oh, it was the 30s.
In Kansas it goes from 1881 to 1949.
So we're about 20 years away from it ending.
Christ.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Here's a, people just want alcohol.
They just want alcohol. Yes, because everything's horrible a people just want alcohol. They just want alcohol.
Yes, because everything's horrible
and you just want booze.
Yeah, you're an altune
and nobody will play post office with you.
You've got yourself playing checkers.
You can't grab a woman by her throat.
No, but even if you do get a good one
who gives you the throat,
she's probably gonna leave with a peddler.
Yeah, this town, I think the whole thing is prohibition. I'm not gonna leave with a peddler. Yeah. Yeah.
This town, I think the whole thing is prohibition.
I think that's where people are just pent up.
Yes.
I don't disagree.
And they're making their own, this is all homey,
this is moonshine talking.
This whole newspaper is moonshine.
The amount of people who whisper to a doctor,
I think a little whiskey would help this.
Yes.
Yes.
Can I get a, imagine the doctor writing you
a prescription for whiskey. Yes. I'm Can I get a prescription, imagine the doctor writing you a prescription for whiskey.
Yes.
I'm gonna write you 60 ML's of whiskey.
I'm gonna want you to take a few sips of that a day.
Yes.
See if this proves.
Of course, we didn't know where to find whiskey
and we left the old fellow groaning
and cussing the bone dry law.
I see.
So this whole newspaper has people pissed about alcohol.
It seems like it.
That's great.
Yes.
That's great.
Okay, next page.
Italians must make gestures when talking.
Yes.
Is this a law or a comment? It's the headline. Italians must make gestures when talking. Yes. Is this a law or a comment?
It's the headline.
Italians must make gestures when talking.
And look, I...
Did my uncle write this to my uncle write this?
I watch a lot of Italian soccer and it makes me laugh so much
because they're just like going up to the up out.
What do you mean?
Like it's just very classic.
What are you doing?
So wait, that's the headline.
Why did somebody have to write about this?
Well, good question.
I bet it's a mad person.
Gestures of the Italian require a profound course of study extending over several years
before they can be understood by the foreigner.
When an Italian wishes to signal a person to approach,
he flaps his hands as though to wave him away.
This keeps an uneducated American on the jump
when he is engaged.
For example, when he's falling in a tie.
How the hell does this man want?
He's shooing me away and he's mad when I don't approach him.
These Italians, I tell you.
This is a real xenophobe.
This is like somebody saying, my friend Dave, they're Asian.
You know, like this is, this person got hurt.
Their feelings were hurt by an Italian person.
And they decided to write an article about what's wrong
with Italians as a whole, like just full xenophobe.
That's right.
Yeah.
This keeps uneducated Americans on the jump
when he is engaged, for example,
in following an Italian through the endless corridors
of an Italian government building.
Okay, so this guy got very specific
about what happened to him.
I was in their embassy, they were gesturing,
I was lost.
Yeah, yeah.
Ian, what are you doing?
How you gonna get out of here?
Well, they quit backing in me.
When you want me to go away, you wave me over
and when you're shooin' me, you want me close.
Hey, what do you want?
Uh, it's a spicy meatball, yeah?
That's Christ, these guys.
Anthony, Anthony, I'm talkin' mama, I'm comin'!
These guys.
Ha ha ha ha.
The word no in Italian, one unaccompanied by a gesture,
has no force whatsoever and is not considered to mean no.
To mean no, it must be accompanied by a whacking gesture
of the extended thumb and forefinger held ear high.
Yeah.
No.
Oh.
No.
Hey.
I bet there was just one Italian in town
and they were like, they're all like this.
He was just a nice animated guy.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, what's this?
It's a Chakabrah.
I have a 10.
My dad would have written an article like this.
That is great.
That is great.
This paper is very much the dad time.
My dad fully would have written an article like this.
He's like, well, you know Italians, they gesture all,
they have to gesture.
I mean, it's just like-
You can't play post office with more than one Italian.
You've been lost.
Altune.
When a speaker makes a motion as though
he were fighting an octopus,
it means that he doesn't care to be interrupted
in his remarks.
That's like human nature.
Fighting an octopus, yeah.
He got his feelings but hurt.
Arden, the physical element that you're adding to this,
like every time you've gestured,
I'm like, that is what it is.
You've gotten everyone right.
The octopus being your greatest work.
This guy, the author is such a drip that this cool Italian guy doesn't want to fucking talk to him and like the guy's not taking the hint so he keeps him out of shape and to
the Italian guy he's just like, ugh, ugh, no, no, no.
The Italian doesn't understand.
Yes, so he's going to make the problem be that he's Italian not that
the author is a fucking duck when he wants sugar cubes he makes a jerk-off
motion
hey looks like you're getting off a bunch of dogs yeah all right that was
written by Cal K. L. Roberts if you want to know who the... I would not have put my name on that.
I would have, it's gonna guess it was,
I think it was Mace.
Mace.
Mace Liverwurst.
Mace Liverwurst.
Since I can't check her anymore, I'm writing articles,
but oop, I broke my back doing the hat.
Little Whiskey might have.
If you could give me a whiskey, that'd be really cool.
I'm gonna take a whole three months.
I'll all winter off. I'll all winter off.
I think all winter off.
A whiskey script wouldn't hurt.
I'd just sell a whiskey.
Maybe the whiskey ought to help.
You know that the doctor is the Italian gentleman
who's scripting.
Hey, I can't do that.
What are you talking about?
It's not a epitaph.
Oh, no.
Nah.
Here's another kissing one.
Kissing termed crime in Puritan, New England.
Oh, we're cool.
Fuck you, New England.
We're horny and you guys are dead.
Well, we're funny.
We fuck and you guys are full-drapped.
There is just, this paper is operating from a place of fear.
Yeah. This is a super unc-consensual horny newspaper.
And it's going like the religious are trying to make
it so women don't have to kiss.
It is such, this is the incel times.
Yes.
Yeah, it really is.
Yes.
The incel gazette.
Yes.
Kissing is considered an unhealthful practice
by some people.
A few years ago, the physicians of Milwaukee
prepared a bill for the absolute suppression of kissing
on the grounds that the practice was hygienically dangerous.
I'll tell you, that was not in place
when I was in high school.
No.
We were getting busy, we were kissing.
That's fun.
Kissing's fun.
Kissing was fun back then.
We didn't have much, it, yeah. Kissing was fun back then. We didn't have
much. It was cold. Kissing is fun. The bill did not become a law or it would have made
Milwaukee more famous. But what similar laws existed, but somewhat similar laws existed
in Puritan, New England. Oh, so now they're like, this happened in Milwaukee recently.
Let me take you back to the 1700s. Okay.
In 1656, I mean, you're gonna go all the way back to 1656.
I mean, that feels like you're grasping at straws, sir.
I mean, really.
You're grasping at necks.
I mean.
But not tightly enough, you gotta hold them,
you're gonna get away.
No, I do like the, this feels like a town that was like,
Pepe La Pew is the right level of flirt.
Yes.
Now you gotta grab her neck real tight
as you slip out of it.
Yeah.
In 15, sorry, in 1656, Captain Kemble of Boston was
quote, set for two hours in the public stocks
for his lewd and unseemly behavior,
which consisted in kissing his wife publicly
on the Sabbath day upon the doorstep of his house
when he had just returned from an absence of three years.
How dare you kiss your wife
when you haven't seen her for three years at your house?
A crime's a crime. Take your dirty fucking smut in your house.
Why don't you just fuck her on the lawn?
You.
People are so wild.
Imagine this.
People are so.
I think he just came back for three years.
There's no context that makes what just happened okay.
Wow, everybody's in everybody else's business.
Give it the stocks.
Wild.
Okay this can't be real.
This can't be real.
12 years later, Jonathan and Susan Smith
were fined five shillings and costs
for smiling on the Lord's Day.
Wow, well that's can.
Smiling?
It's like smiling on the Lord's Day.
Wow, really, it's a good ad for religion.
I mean.
Yeah.
Smiling.
By the way, did you hear that there was three Scientology
ads during the Super Bowl?
I noticed.
Oh, I saw the Jesus ones.
Not one of them was about where is David Miss Kavage's wife.
Oh, interesting, is she still missing,
still trapped in a held by force in some sort of cave?
A compound, yeah.
It's normal, it's just a religion.
What religion didn't start by putting a woman
behind stones in a wall, it's just how it works.
By the way, Dave, if I may, this is what happens
when you're not allowed to throat grab him into kissing.
Then you have to capture that.
Thank you, I don't know.
You have to capture that.
Dave if I may, Dave if I may.
Dave, allow me a moment to be the pro-scientologist,
Miss Gavage, marriage tactic guy.
And Dave if I may.
Is Tom Cruise our only big star who has a buddy
who has a woman kidnapped and imprisoned?
Probably not, I bet somebody else does.
I think it's disgusting, but I'd love to work with you.
Steve Harvey.
Steve Harvey, and Steve Harvey.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, we just made it up.
There's gotta be somebody.
I bet somebody has somebody, something.
If there's an army hammer lurking among us,
that's like a toe in their pocket,
you know there's some other one that's got something going on.
That's right.
But he's got some time share.
He sells time shares in the Bahamas apparently.
I'm gonna quote, this is maybe the greatest art
in quotable time.
Somebody's got something going on somewhere.
Yeah.
I also, the fact that for her and I,
Armie Hammer was the first one that came to mind
lets you know he's had quite a fall from grace.
That's like...
Yeah.
Not great.
Yeah.
Okay, you just can't write erotic self fiction
about rib eating and I guess,
last in his town.
I want to date with somebody who defended him.
I had been drinking.
You told me not to kink shame, Armie.
Yeah.
That's so great because that kind of was like,
like if you're like, I mean, the way that the style
would, the way he killed her and be like,
well, hold on now, don't murder shame.
I mean, he, you know.
I was like, wait, you're gonna die on this hill?
You're gonna, seriously?
Don't kill shame.
That's a guy that's planning on killing you and eating you.
Yeah, yes, I got, I escaped.
Yeah.
There was no second date.
No.
Yeah.
Women ask equality in barber shops.
This paper, right?
This is great because this goes on.
This is like chapters of a book.
This guy, the person, the editor,
you know he wrote every article.
There's only, there's a singular voice in this paper.
It is.
It is no way, unless it's a fucked up brothers
that lived, there is no way this is coming out
of anything but one household.
Yes, it is called the enough women times.
Yeah, page nine, why am I still single?
Yeah.
Oh, this is out of New Orleans.
Business women of New Orleans have demanded
of the New Orleans Association of Commerce
equal barbershop rights with men
and the commercial organization,
the commercial organization has passed the buck
to the locals of the Barbers Union
and the Masters Barber Association.
So they kicked it, they didn't want it,
they're like, we're not gonna make that call,
let the barbers make the call. Men.
It is still definitely operating from the same premise, though, of it's drumming up.
It's like, look out, women want more rights.
There's definitely, this person is pissed about it.
Yes.
This is happening in New Orleans.
This could happen anyway.
It's gonna happen in a couple of times.
It's gonna come to Altoone. Fredonia. You know the Orleans first.
Altoone second. All the big cities. New Orleans. Altoone.
Fredonia. Fredonia.
The committee which called upon officials of the Association of Commerce explained that
the women want snappy service and barbershop prices, not the customary tax of the Association of Commerce explained that the women want snappy service
and barbershop prices, not the customary tax of the beauty parlors.
They also want free access to all the city's barbershops and a chance to take their turn
with the men.
So they want cheaper...
So they're usually like, yeah, they're like, I don't want to pay this, I'm busy, I've got
to go to work, I don't want to go spend all day.
It's a fucking trim.
It's a trim.
Yeah.
Now look, as a person who grew up in a small town,
there was one barber, Jimmy the barber.
He cut all the lobstermen and the fishermen
in the cops hair.
I have a lot of hair.
I got brought there as a child.
I got sideburns and a boys cut.
And I have to say.
I've seen a picture of you.
It's better to maybe go to a person that specializes in,
if you don't want the standard barber cut,
maybe better to not go.
So little girl, do you want the cop or the lobster man?
Yeah.
I do too.
I went for the cop.
All right, I'll leave the mutton chops.
Oh, that's it, looks good on you, Arden.
Don't mess me!
Get out of here.
It was not good.
I would say I wouldn't recommend it.
I don't know what you might,
at some point you've shown me a picture of this time.
No.
Oh my God, do you have a picture of your?
I will go, I'll put in my location and see if I
could I could pull it up you're not gonna believe it there's so many I look
like a young newscaster and it's really something let's see if I can find
something okay all right we'll move on and you do the one I'll do some research
some p-search this is a story out of New York City okay many kinds of animals
swept up from streets.
Yes.
That's so you can't park your car on this,
say it like one side of the street once a week
because of animals.
That's right.
I mean, this isn't the one, but this is a good one.
Holy fuck.
Look at that pop collar.
She knows she's good.
Look at that.
She's got a bow and her hair.
She knows she's thriving.
Look at that. Looking so good. but that's not even a party allow me to throw this
in the mix for you Arden just you think you had a boys haircut I had what you
wanted look at it oh shit you look like that guy we're both ginger even though I
was fishing it didn't look like someone hooked my mouth.
You look like the best friend.
Oh my God, I was a full ginger.
I was a full ginger.
Yeah, you guys are both ginger.
Scarith, you look like the best friend in the movie Big.
Wow, you're adorable.
Look at you.
Yeah, full ginger.
Dave is not wrong.
Dave is not at all wrong.
What happened to that kid?
He went to Altoona and
He was in like the honey I shrunk the kid movies, but then I don't know
I used you know a lot of those kids they just like but I don't want to do this it sucks
And then yeah quitters. Yeah quitters quitters weak. I don't know why a kid want out wouldn't want to audition all the time
It's so weird. Yeah. Oh, it's so fun, it makes you feel so good about yourself.
Yeah.
It makes you feel so good.
What kid doesn't want to go in a room
and have people go, meh.
Oh, it just makes me feel alive, you know what I mean?
Yes it does.
Yes, yes.
And then you have the parent there being like, ggh.
Ggh.
Ggh.
Yeah. Yeah. If all the things the Sanitary Bureau
of the Department of Health gathered from the streets
of New York City in 1922, according to reports
for that year, were in good working order
and assembled in one place, there would be the nucleus
for a good menagerie.
Okay, so there's
just a lot of shit is what he said a lot of report shows that the bureau dragged
up the bodies of one lion one bear one alligator two camels three elephants one
deer five thousand six hundred and ninety seven horses three hundred and
eight cattle sixteen ponies eleven colts eight mules, four donkeys, 254,803 cats,
4,538 dogs, 741 calves, 375 sheep, 345 goats, 45 hogs, and three seals.
Is that the new 12 days of Christmas?
It's a little long. it is a little long,
but it is a little long.
236,481 cats.
Yeah.
And another set of camels.
That's a lot of horses.
The horses died all the time.
There are a lot of horses the horses
Horse horses were like cars
Right a lot of horses the cat number is definitely hit hit hard over here. Yeah, I
Again agree to agree on that one. I didn't like that one myself
So that's a cat holocaust like that's so what so what is happening here exactly Dave? These the day the that where are they from you just just the year 1922 that's just one year well
okay so the report is not a genesis the report does not say where the seals
alligator camels the elephants the lion and the bear came from the fact in fact
the report has it that the bureau is as surprised at anybody as anybody
okay so we're the fuck are they fine we wouldn't be surprised by a lion
so here's what happens a lion this is the lion uh... a guy has a line for circus
the traveling through the lion dies the other circus on the street it feels like
the circus had something really it felt like there's a circus gone wrong
yeah there's a lot of uh... there's a lot of people putting animals on display.
Right.
And there were tons of, we all know there were tons
of bears and saloons back then.
So the bear and the saloon died
and they throw it on the street.
Okay.
And then if you have say a hundred of your cats
and all hundred of your cats dies,
oh my God, you look like a little boy.
Oh.
Arden, you look like a little boy.
Are you gonna go play baseball kid?
What's going on with this guy?
Look at that, look at that.
You know who you look like there is a,
there's a bit of Ken Jennings.
Isn't that, I do, it's really, I would rate.
It's an incredibly boy haircut.
Like they were like, what's not even.
Oh no, no, this was at the barber.
This is from Jimmy the barber.
All right, there you go.
Good luck out on the ocean, longshoreman.
Look how much hair I have too.
You've got a nice helmet going on.
Ginger hair is not to be fucked with.
No.
It's bountiful, it's thick.
It's meant to be preserved.
Yeah, look at that, there she is.
When people are like, how did you get into comedy?
It's like exhibit A and a drum dad.
I had no choice.
Jimmy the barber was my agent.
So good, anyway thank you.
I had to find that for you.
Well thank you for finding that.
You're welcome.
Yeah, that was good.
Thank you.
Wrong, wrong.
It was worth the wait I think.
Because people are like, oh I had a glow up.
I, you know, it's like, no you have no,
like when it's bad early on.
Like when it's actively different,
because everybody else had like little ponytails and stuff,
like nobody else wanted Jimmy the barber.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wonder why.
I wonder why.
Because her parents knew better.
So it's definitely, it definitely helps with, it sets some wiring, you know?
Yeah, right, you were like,
I think comedy will be a thing I'm involved in.
It keeps you safe, you know?
It'll keep you safe.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's no headline to this.
Don Rosenberry shaved himself and after shaving,
he took what he thought to be a bottle of lotion
and applied it liberally to his face.
It proved to be carbolyic acid and his burns are severe.
What the fuck?
That feels like that should be a higher up one
than like grab a woman by the throat to kiss her.
This town is hammered.
Carbolyic acid?
It goes back to the moonshine.
I agree.
That's the engine putting this whole,
the engine of the local stories
that are not like the New York City Dead Animal Parade
is moonshine, the local stories.
I hurt my back.
Do you think I could have a little bit of a car-ballic acid?
Car-ballic acid.
I mean, it is a full on poison.
You keep it next to your shaving stuff in the bathroom.
Where else would you keep it?
Honey, I put your carbolyic acid next to your aftershave.
Yes.
It really burns.
Oh, oh.
And it's not to be touched.
Yes.
Not to be touched. No. He had a little home alone moment in there
Yeah, oh I rewatched that and
Little violent doesn't quite hold up like I wanted it to there was an article I read
Ten years ago where a doctor broke down all the actual injuries that oh, yeah, it's great by the time you do this
Yeah, it's like it's great. Yeah, that's money. This is like again fractured cranium. Um, yeah, yeah
Famous this is a out of Germany famous police dog picks out suspected murderer
Nice this police dog picks out suspected murderer. Nice. That's cool.
This is what they got going on in Germany at this time.
We were like, well, we're trying to throat kiss,
but they just don't do it.
Yeah.
And they're dog, our dog's Columbo.
One of our dogs is now speaking fluent German.
It doesn't surprise me that German,
that they would be the one that.
We're gonna slowly soon enough realize the downside to the
Brilliance they have
What a hey thriving
Elga a famous police dog of well mar
Which has which has become known throughout the German Republic for her ability to track criminals
known throughout the German Republic for her ability to track criminals has just furnished evidence in a murder of which Oswald Niekt of Dittersbach, Czechoslovakia, was suspected.
Niekt in prison here for theft has been suspected of two murders, although courts were unwilling
to accept the evidence against him as conclusive.
A year and a half ago, an innkeeper was killed
and the hat of the murderer was found
at the scene of the crime.
It's like a cartoon.
Yeah, it really is.
A neat crossed into Bavaria after the crime
and the Czechoslovakian police believed him guilty
and have been working constantly on the case.
I feel like he did it. I feel like he did it.
I feel like he did it.
Oh yeah, he did it.
A few days ago,
Neeked was led into the courtyard of the Dresden prison
with 20 other criminals
and a number of detectives in plain clothes.
Elga had been allowed to smell the hat,
found at the scene of the murder in Czechoslovakia
and immediately rushed to Neeked
and announced with a loud howl that he was the owner of the murder in Czechoslovakia and immediately rushed to Neek and announced with a loud howl
that he was the owner of the hat.
I buy it, I believe it, animals are hurt.
I do too, that's why New York killed somebody.
He totally did it, yes.
Now if that dog was in New York,
it just would have been next to Pila Camels.
Yep, that's right.
That's right.
No, I believe this, you know the dog was right. How bad is that feeling though when you're him where you're like pretty sure I got this and then the dogs howling next
You after smelling your hat
Whatever the dog is wrong
I thought that before when like
When you travel internationally and though like they'll bring a dog near a case and the dog like starts sniffing
So it's case and like sits down and you're like, oh boy.
Oh boy. Oh boy.
Oh here we go.
Do you guys get nervous?
Anytime I have to deal with, I immediately go to,
I immediately feel like I did something.
I'm like there to find out.
It's like, I feel like I'm traveling with like
just like cases of heroin or you know what I'm like,
I just feel immediately guilty.
Yeah, you're like, I have crackers.
Kill me. Yeah, I brought in a protein bar.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I have peanuts in the plane.
All right, Dave, what do you think?
One more?
Oh yeah, good one.
Arden's got a big Hollywood thing going on.
Huge, huge Hollywood thing.
I don't want to talk about it, but it's big.
Oh, so big.
People are talking. People are talking.
People are talking.
Artin's gonna grab this town by the throat
and force herself onto it.
I'm gonna grab this town by the throat
and make it play post office with me.
Yeah, you're playing post office.
Wow.
You're playing post office with me, Steve Gilbert.
Come here, you.
Get over here, you little rascal.
Oh.
Okay, this is, this is the news out of Africa.
Sort of.
Okay.
I think we get these in a lot of these old newspapers and I feel like people just make
them up to fill space.
Okay.
Three souls to each man.
Among the natives of South Africa, there is a general belief in the split soul.
One tribe believes in three souls,
one in the head, another in the stomach,
and a third in the big toe.
Oh, please say butt soul.
And the butt soul.
I like the toe soul.
The toe?
I like the toe.
The toe, I like that, for the whom the bell tolls.
I like the toe.
I do too, but it also feels very strange to be like,
there's three.
The head?
Yeah.
The heart.
The stomach.
The stomach and the toe.
And the toe.
There's no heart, there's no heart, Saul.
It's the head, the stomach and the toe.
I was thinking of my bits while he was talking.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm just saying like it's weird to me
that why wouldn't they do the heart, you know?
That's weird to me.
Well, I think America has a stomach, Saul. Yeah. I think it's weird to me that why wouldn't they do the heart, you know? That's weird to me. Well, I think America has a stomach soul.
Yeah.
I think it's acid reflux.
We have like four stomach souls.
Yeah. I loved flavors.
Yeah. I loved it.
You have a stomach hole.
A soul?
Wow. No wonder I've been coughing up blood.
Are you guys night eaters?
Yeah, I could be so easily, but I forced myself not to you do
Yeah, I tried not to pass eight but God willing when I used to smoke weed it used to be bad when I used to smoke weed
I would be like on a calorie count all day and I'd be like pretty good day
And then it would be like 815 and I'd be like I should probably just eat a loaf of bread with peanut butter.
Right, peanut butter I can't even have in the house.
I just won't let, I cannot have stuff in the house.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, for sure.
No, that's why hotels are so bad.
That's why hotels are so bad.
Just over two years ago.
Good job.
Yeah, but hotels are so bad because
you'll be in your room and you'll be like,
it's like you just go down there and you're like, I'll take a sleeve of Pringles. I know Pringles
Mmm, they're like they're not even real potatoes. I don't know what it is
I love that I love the shape like the tongue like I like just popping it on I know I know I
Could so easily just throw in the towel, you know what I mean, but I'm not going to. I can't, I can't go back to that young lady that I was.
Oh, she's, you stop it now, Arden.
All right, we should let you go
unless you got a bang real quick, Dave.
No, we're done.
We're done, we're leaving.
We're walking away.
I love hanging out with you guys.
Arden, we're gonna see you.
We're gonna play post office at your next party. We're gonna play post office at your next party.
We're gonna play post office at my next party.
Dave, at some point in time, I'm gonna get you
to my home with Gareth.
Ooh. I'm gonna lure you.
I'm gonna lure you.
I'm gonna grab you by the throat and take you over there.
I can do one of the Bachelor episodes.
I would just be the guy who doesn't know what's happening.
It's okay. It's not a great role.
It's not a great role.
You know what's happening. It's okay. It's not a great role. It's not a great role for you. You know what we can have you do?
You know what we can do?
We can have you on an early part of the season,
like for episode one.
He'd be lost.
Oh, yeah.
Like if he just watched the first episode,
then he wouldn't be behind.
I think Gareth is like,
Gareth has put in the tie.
I think you think it's hard for me to nut shit
on The Bachelor when we're doing this.
You think Dave's gonna make it?
You're absolutely right.
You're right.
Okay, Dave, find some other things.
Arden, your treasure, will you accept this rose,
is your show.
Yes.
Arden, M-Y-R-I-N-E is where people could find you.
There's no E, there's no E.
There's no E.
What just happened?
Shut up, Dave.
So people could find you there and consume your content, which is, uh, enormous and fantastic.
You're in a lot of it.
I'm happy to be there.
So thank you for joining us, Arsham.
Thank you for having me by you guys.
Bye, and art and bye.