The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 69 - The Past Times with Jon Dore
Episode Date: April 6, 2024Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Jon Dore. Redbubble Merch...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
Now look, there's actually a couple times a year when a big group of my oldest friends
and I, and they are old, get together and we will rent an Airbnb and stay in it for
a few days over like a holiday weekend or something like that.
It just always makes the experience a lot better because, you know, we're in a home.
But on the road, if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb
just because it's better.
I like a home over a hotel.
But recently I did start thinking well while I'm gone can I turn my place into an Airbnb?
And the answer is yes.
It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated
from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road.
So whether you could
use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more fun, your home might be worth
more than you think. Find out how and how much at airbnb.ca. I have dollop tour dates to announce
for the year 2024 of our Lord J town. We have our 10th anniversary show coming up
in Los Angeles on April 27th. Guests are Karen Kilgareff and James Adomian. And
then we are going to Australia starting on May 13th in Perth, May 16th in Sydney,
May 18th in Brisbane, May 20th in Canberra, May 22nd in Melbourne, and May 24th in Adelaide. You can get your tickets at dolloppodcast.com.
All right, everybody. Welcome to the pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper
from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week.
Amazing man, fabulous human, Canadian John Doar. John, thank you for joining us.
The Sisters. He has his Sisters podcast.
Good work, Dave. Way to go. Dave, I'll handle the press stuff, Dave. Why don't you leave that stuff to me?
Well, let's jump into it, John.
You have a new podcast you're doing with your sister called
Brother's Sister Podcast.
You can listen to it everywhere that podcasts are available,
which I believe is most places.
How's that going?
Well, it's going well.
It's fun.
We don't know what it's going to ultimately be.
We just started recording one.
So it's a lot of catching up on horrible things I've done to her and horrible things she's done to me. We had a good friend of
mine on the padcast as our first guest, and then we spoke to her therapist in one episode. So
wow. Yeah, we're trying to, we're discovering what it's ultimately going to be. And our last episode
was a huge argument between my sister and I. So, and it was genuine. Really? A legit argument? It was legit. We weren't even going to record the podcast. I had hung up on her. We were
feuding as siblings tend to, and we regressed. A lot of the things her therapist told us
about in the previous podcast, we ended up doing. We regressed back into our default
settings as young siblings. So yeah, we weren't even going to record it. And we said, Oh, the
hell is it? Let's just give it a go. So basically, us just
talking through the argument. But anyway, yeah. So if you're,
if you want to listen to stuff like that, check it out.
This is the closest I've been to listening to a podcast. No,
seriously, on the show. I'm intrigued. Well, that is
intriguing. There's a lot out there. And you guys, how many
podcasts are you doing? 17? We doing 31 and most of them are Dave Dave's maid is doing most of them for us, right?
She has five. I know we have two we have the dollop and then we have this one. Okay
But we like to make it seem like yeah, Gareth has another one. I have another one, too
Well, I know it feels like it's it's I mean, this is a lot of work
But wait a minute children in your life you have Jose. I have one for I have a I know it feels like it's it's I mean, this is a lot of work. But wait a minute children in your life.
You have Jose I have one for I have a I have a 14 year old
Gareth just has a cat. Yeah, cat and a 14 year old 14. That's
okay. You got your days free. They're off at school. Good
there. Take care. Wish that was true john. What's happening?
Dave, baseball. So school is sometimes overcome by baseball
games. So like 130 I have to go get him and take him to a game or.
Wait a minute, like a Dodgers game?
You're going to a Dodgers game?
No, no, he's on the freshman baseball team.
So it's a lot of baseball.
Well then, you know what?
I take it back.
I thought you had, I thought you were clear sailing for having fun.
So did I.
Yeah.
Don't, John, with your children, don't embrace the things they love
because it'll take away your time on the back end.
Absolutely. Thank you.
When you're supposed to be relaxed.
I'll be honest though, if they wanna play baseball,
I could sit in the stands and crush a Miller Lite.
That's easy.
It's hockey, that's the problem.
I can't believe Dave's complaining about it.
Yeah.
It's true.
You get really into watching the kids' sports
and it's pretty fun.
Well, at 15, they can drive you home drunk.
Yeah, that's the hope.
Well, that's Canada, not in America.
Yeah, but we're talking to a Canadian,
so we're following their lead.
How come we always drive to the game,
but we have to take the bus home?
Well, don't worry about it.
If Dad loves watching you.
We're reducing our carpet footprint.
Canada's still the only place where I've seen a man
passed out standing up.
Okay.
From, and then, and then he, and then he woke up, came to and reached down and
took a fry off a stranger's plate and ate it and then passed out.
This was in a bar standing up.
This was in a, at a comic club in Calgary, Calgary.
Okay.
A yac yacs.
It might've been.
There we go.
Well, speaking of Canadian standup,
John, JohnDoor.com, no H, just an N.
That's right.
And D-O-R-E, not doors and open,
but you are always on tour, people should go see you.
John, you're fabulous, truly.
I'll never forget the first night I met you,
you spilled beer all over my shoes.
Aw.
And it's been a pleasure since.
So, thank you for joining us.
John is one of the few comedians
that I really enjoy watching live.
Like, I love it.
John's great.
Well, this is all too sweet.
Well, I think the world of the two of you,
and that's a fact. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not going to allow that.
It's happened.
No, it's a it is a blow job, not a 69 job.
Well, listen, when did I wait, when did I spill beer in your shoes?
At Moon Tower.
Oh, but that wasn't the first time I had met you.
I think it was the first time we'd hung out.
Guaranteed, guaranteed, yes.
I know what you're saying now.
It was the Velveeta Room, yes.
I believe it was.
Was that when we were there?
Or was that another time?
No, this is a different time.
That's when you were arguing.
You were talking a lot about how you and Dave were,
there was trouble in paradise.
John, John.
I know, I know.
I'm not going to say anything else.
We're going to be right back. Okay. John. I know, I know. I'm not gonna say anything else. We're gonna be right back.
Okay.
We don't know how it works.
All right, well, what we like to do, John,
I don't know if you've listened to the show,
it doesn't matter if you have.
And we're gonna go through this newspaper.
Now, I always- Let me answer the question.
Yes, I have.
I always like to guess what year this newspaper is from.
And I'll go first, then you can take a crack at it. I wonder if it'll be a Canadian paper.
I bet it isn't.
I bet it isn't.
I'm going to guess that this is from 1902.
Oh, so wait, I thought you...
Doesn't Dave read the story first, and then you get a guess at it?
Wouldn't you think that's how we would do it, but we don't do it that way.
I thought I remember you doing that.
It doesn't
help well Dave read one it you'll see that you'll be like you say 1902 so
newspaper so it's gonna be post Gutenberg I'm assuming so I'm gonna say
1984 Wow well Steve Gutenberg go ahead John. John, much closer. It was 1893. John wins.
I think I'm far closer.
Yeah, it depends on the math.
John is over 100 years off.
John, I'm the human calculator of the show.
Jesus. It is Biloxi, Mississippi.
Biloxi, Saturday, May 20th, 1893.
Saturday, May 20th, 1893. Saturday, May 20th, 1893.
Very special day. Why?
OK, there's I don't know.
We'll find out.
Yes, no. I know.
But why in the middle of the front?
There's no headline to this at all.
Is that important to a paper?
A Texas crank Reverend Plunkett solemnly prophecies that
because of the Sunday opening of the fair, I think this is the World's Fair., Did you say whole wide or white? White, the whole white world.
It says white city, so maybe that's
a nickname for Biloxi, the white city.
Although now I'm getting uncomfortable.
Had its druthers, it would be the white city.
Can we back it up even further too for a moment?
Did you say Texas crank?
Is that how it started?
The Texas crank.
OK.
Meaning a cranky Texan?
What is a Texas Crank in reference to?
I think he's from Texas, and he's saying,
because the World's Fair is opening,
if I'm looking at this correctly,
so I think he's saying because the World's Fair
is opening, the entire city where the World's Fairs will be destroyed.
So it's a bit of a Pat Robertson energy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is a Pat Robertson vibe.
Like, Katrina's because of gays.
Yes.
Yeah.
Except back then, a fair was like having gays.
Here comes innovation.
This is innovation, terrible technology,
changing God's ways.
Yeah, how dare man meddle.
The fair.
The fair.
The morning of that day, he says,
will be nice and full of sunshine,
so as to invite as many sinners as possible
to the destruction.
And then the divine wrath will fall upon them,
killing hundreds and injuring thousands of them.
And the White City will belong to the things of the past.
Oh my God.
I kind of like this biblical, biblical meteorology.
The locusts around four.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
But so beautiful sunny day brings a big crowd.
And then when these, when these monsters of technology descend
with their new inventions at the World's Fair, what are what are the
what are the inventions in 1893?
Is that the date we're dealing with, by the way?
Oh, I think we might actually I think there's a section that color
covers inventions, if I recall correctly.
So we might get to that. Wow. Wow.
Sorry, I was rushing us.
So for anyone who was thinking of turning this off. Yeah.
No, we're getting it's coming.
We're getting to the inventions.
Got inventions coming.
Right above that, it says, Spare the Birds.
It's the headline.
Gareth is worried.
We have laws which prohibit the killing or robbing of nests of songbirds.
And yet daily, birds of the song variety are robbed of their young
and shot without stint.
Wow. Stint.
Can you imagine a time when birds had rights?
Doesn't that just seem so, so long ago?
Yeah. To defend the songbird.
Just a few years ago, the best songster of the wood
could be heard all over Biloxi.
But its voice is now heard only when
it comes from the narrow limits of some iron bound cage.
Are we still in the same story?
I'm sorry.
Is this still?
This is a different story, right?
I'm like, how have we gone from the World's Fair?
Deadly Predictions?
It really, like people should have USA Today,
but you go to a paper 100 years ago,
you're like, what is actually happening?
Yeah, you're jumping topics.
Like, yeah, yeah.
The officers?
The officers?
That might be my favorite question
I've ever heard on this show.
Oh my good Lord.
I mean, you tune out for one second.
You've got a lock in.
There's the problem with Dave Anthony centric podcast.
You cannot.
You can't check your phone.
Don't check out. Then you're like, wait, she's dead.
I was what happened? Yeah.
The officers of the law should arrest man or boy
who may be seen
hawking young mockingbirds on the streets.
What? Isn't that mocking and not hawking?
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Yeah. Man or boy, hawking, hawking, mockingbird.
Man or boy. Man or boy.
We're looking for all two.
Obviously, could be man, could be boy. We're looking for all two. Obviously, it could be man, could be boy.
I just...
So people are stealing birds and then selling them on the street.
They're taking them from their nest.
Tastes are tough.
What a fucking weird time, man.
Well, you know, I mean, there was a time in my life
where I'd sell some weird shit.
I mean, if it meant I could go to the store
and buy a comic book, I'd hawk anything that I had.
What does that mean? I'd go to the store and buy a comic book, I'd hawk anything that I had. What does that mean?
I'd go to the side of the road with lemonade.
I'd go to the side of the road with a poster from my room
I didn't want anymore.
A Dukes of the Hazard poster.
Anyone want to give me a dollar for this?
Yeah.
Jesus, John.
There's never been a child dying to be molested
more than John Doerr.
Oh my god.
What's happening?
Side of the road with a poster?
The poster said, please molest me as well.
So I was really going for it.
Wow.
Yeah, on the back of my Dukes of Hazzard poster.
Molester bust.
Yeah, molester bust.
Oh my god.
Or YMCA, one or the other.
I'll go to the YMCA or molest me here.
I haven't seen John.
He was selling to Dukes.
He came back with a new Hulk comic.
He was crying and had a Hulk comic.
He left about two hours earlier with the Dukes of Hazard poster and a marker.
He didn't have his poster anymore. His jacket looked ripped and he was crying, but he had a bunch of comics.
I think he said, I don't want to read this anymore.
And he just threw it on the ground.
I don't know what, must not have liked it.
Anyway, we'll check in with him in 20 years.
Anyway, let's have some milk.
Kids should be selling birds.
Back to the story.
That story's over.
Oh, that's the end of that one.
That was the end, yeah. By the way, we're good.
From now on, Dave will literally end every story with that.
That story is over. That story is over.
Oh, we don't. OK.
This next headline is cleanliness.
OK. If there are if our memory serves us right,
there are ordinances standing on the books of the city council
relating to the above subject, which would be cleanliness, obviously.
Sure.
Under which all citizens are required to clean up all front and backyards,
remove all rubbish in offensive manner.
We would quote the ordinance if we had it before us.
Wow. What?
We're reporting on it now.
What is it, by the way? Does anyone know?
We're the place for information.
I'm pretty sure it's there.
In some of the past years, we have had a sanitary officer
who received pay each month and whose duty it was to make
monthly inspection of all premises.
We do not know if the town has such an officer now or not,
but we speak with knowledge.
I feel like you could throw a stone at someone who knows
more about this than the paper.
Yeah, they're just guessing. more about this than the paper. Yeah
Yeah, they're just guessing we don't have the order might be an officer. We ain't seen him
We don't know if there's an actual ordinance or not anymore. We can sure look it up at some point, but yeah
Yeah, they're not sure it could be ran out of things to put in here. It was there once this column is basically
Imagine what the world would be if we had things. That's what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But we can speak with knowledge
when we say that no such work is done now.
No, you can't.
No, no, no, not so far.
No, wait, that's wrong.
This is not an info, what are you talking about?
Not so far.
But there's one thing we know, everything.
And there is a need for it urgent and pressing.
So so they're just saying there's shit in people's yards.
That's that was the article. Wow.
That's what I will love it.
Aside from the biblical wrath because of the World's Fair,
everything else I've I'm I like.
I like the idea that someone is defending the birds and their habitat
And then I like the people like look you sloppy fuckers. Stop it. Yeah, you're it. You're a nimbie
Yimby I am NOT a nimbie Dave. Well, I'm not the those of us who believe in freedom
So I'm a yimby. I'm a yimby you can put whatever you want in your yard trash
Engine I'm a yimby. You can put whatever you want in your yard trash Engine I'm a yimby
Bodies engines. I don't I you can put whatever you want in your yard
I mean look if you live in a a co-op type
Community if you have to keep there are standards quality standard
And I really appreciate this dreamer whoever wrote the article. Does it have the author's name attached?
Nope.
No.
See, they don't even know that.
They don't know their name.
They don't know the sanitary officer.
They know nothing.
Is this even a paper?
The next article, who am I?
Yeah.
I couldn't be happier with a utopia where
people clean up their yards.
That would be ideal.
Yeah, but that's a nimby today.
I'm a mimby, maybe in my backyard.
You have every right to do whatever you want, I suppose.
But when you live with others, you have to play nice.
OK?
Wow.
Wow.
Someone sounds like a dad.
Yeah, I am.
Got my own bio kid, and I'm a step parent. So I'm a hero.
Bio kid.
I got a bio kid and a step kid.
So yeah.
I got one bio, one inherited.
But I love them both.
One I love more.
Not going to tell you which one.
Ha ha.
Yeah.
One's in the lead.
Yeah.
Anyway, one's cuter than the other.
I only got one kid and I love one more.
Hm? Well, John was making videos with his daughter
for a while that were the step.
Yeah. Yeah, I still make them, but they're not funny anymore. Yeah.
No, I should point out they are still being created.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But they're rare. They're rare.
But they are so funny.
She is such a she is such a character.
She is quite a character.
She is, yeah, she's full of energy.
She's downstairs right now.
She's gone through a change, though.
She is definitely, she's embarrassed.
She doesn't want all the video.
We'd love to have her on the show.
Oh yeah, that, yeah, the embarrassed ages, yeah.
Yeah, I'll bring her in if she's willing to,
but I have to get her approval before I post
anything so hence not a lot of things are getting posted. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, she never
used to care. That's why you had the new one. Yeah. Doesn't know their rights. Yeah, exactly. It's actually the same thing with me and
Garrett. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta need approval. Very true. He's embarrassed a lot. So, so can we get back to this
paper for a second? What year is it? Because I'm confused. It's 18. It's 1893. It's 93.
OK, OK, OK. 1893.
So this next article is titled Chinese Exclusion Law.
This is going to be John.
I don't know if you are familiar with this time.
We're not in for a good article.
What is the topic again?
So sorry, what is the caption again?
Above this one?
Chinese exclusion law.
Exclusion law, yeah.
It's going to be pro.
We don't know.
We do know.
David.
It's America.
Gareth, this is Biloxi, Mississippi.
Give them a chance.
This headline could still exist at Biloxi today.
I've been to Mississippi.
I've enjoyed it.
The service was great.
I had a great sandwich.
The service was great.
I don't, in retrospect, I don't remember
seeing a tremendous amount of Chinese,
but wow, the beautiful rolling thunderstorms.
I really enjoyed my time there.
They probably had the world's fair.
So let's just, let's not get negative
before we know the story, okay.
Chinese.
Jump into a little bit of racism.
And just for fun, can we hear that caption
one more time, Dave?
Chinese exclusion law.
Come on, Dave.
I mean, Gareth, it could be great.
Get ready for comedy.
Yeah.
The Chinese Exclusion Act has been declared
constitutional by Chief Justice Fuller and two associates
of the Supreme Court of the United States.
OK, Gareth might have been right.
By the way, can't you just hear that with like Alito, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh? Yes. It will be remembered that the Gary Law of Congress, Canadian now living in the United States of America. I can relate and sometimes we need that extra little push.
It's true.
You know, we need to be reminded.
Yeah.
And sometimes we turn to the media
and I'm glad this story was printed is what I'm saying
because it probably forced a lot of people to ensure
that they could stay in the United States of America.
Land of the free.
Go on.
Well, we all know that in this country
whenever we're putting together a little one of our lists,
it's for the benefit of everyone.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Everybody will.
Always register.
Participate in your census.
Always.
That's right.
Yes.
Always.
That's what this is about, too.
We want to find out how many people from China
are living in the United States so we can do more for them.
Go on, Dave.
Yes. That's right, that's right.
That's right. Yes.
The Chinese under legal advice decided not to register.
But I'm the Chinese lawyer and I.
Class action.
They decided not to register, but to test the Supreme Court
constitutionality of the act.
The decision has sustained the law,
and the Chinese, who did not register
before the 5th of May, must go.
There are about 50,000 Chinese to be deported
at the expense of the U.S. government
at a cost of not less than $6 million
under the act of deportation.
There is reported to be only $16,000.
Oh my God.
Oh my goodness.
America is so similar.
My question is, and I don't think
I want to know the answer,
but if you don't register as Chinese,
how do they know that you have to go?
And as I'm finishing the question, I don't even want to talk about it, guys.
I don't even want to get into it.
Well, no, but your question is, if you don't register, how do they know that you're Chinese?
Or how do they know that you haven't registered?
I'm shutting down the topic, John.
All right.
And as a guest, I should probably,
okay, Dave, go ahead, yeah.
I was gonna say from the aspect of,
could you say like, well-
Deep end Anthony, jump in.
Could you say like, well, I'm Japanese instead?
Would they know?
I wanna be very clear.
I have retracted the question and the topic, but yes.
But in any-
So what you're, what Gareth is seeking is some sort of Chinese test.
Justice.
Some sort of test that proves you're Chinese.
Much like back when we tried to discover who was a witch.
That's what you're talking about.
My agent just texted me to stop, so I don't even know what.
Don't touch the phone.
Let me know how he knows.
Well, yeah, maybe there is a way, and we'll look into it. the That's your new podcast. Hi, I'm Gareth, and welcome to How Do We Really Know Your Chinese?
Are you Chinese?
All right, now listen, this is like Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, but awful.
But okay, so yes, these lawyers, what was the end of that article?
The lawyers, they did not want...
So they took it to the Supreme Court
and the Supreme Court said it is constitutional.
So now they have to deport the Chinese
and it's gonna cost six million to deport them all,
but they only have $16,000 to do it.
That's like when your buddy starts a GoFundMe
and it's like for 50,000 and it gets like $800. You're like this is yeah
This is yeah
Yeah
Yeah, guys just six hours left and I need
$44,000
Buddy you ain't making your movie stop. Can you look you don't get if we don't get the money we can't deport the Chinese
Go fund me. Oh my god. Mm-hmm. Um, and that's the end of that article. No, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Go fund me.
Oh, my God. Mm hmm.
And that's the end of that article.
No, no, there's more. Wow. Oh, good.
The problem for the president.
Yeah, the problem for the president to solve is how is to carry out a law
of Congress that requires six six millions of dollars with only 16000.
Is it? Yeah, that seems to be an issue.
But this is classic America, right?
Like, wait, I'm watching it.
It's going to cost money.
Figure this figure something.
Yeah, I think you're something.
Stay as a matter, of course, the law cannot be enforced
and the Chinese can laugh at the inability of a powerful government to enforce its laws.
can laugh at the inability of a powerful government to enforce its laws.
It is a pitiful spectacle and will excite the contempt of China and all Europe.
The Gary Act of Congress may have been right in principle.
No, we do not say it was, but if right, it should have been applied to all immigrants coming into the U.S.
Yes, exactly.
Thank you.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Thank you.
What a final.
Treat us all the same.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What a great bottom line.
Where they got it wrong is everyone who's not white
should be on that list.
Close.
Where are all?
So 1893, how many, where did,
you know what, I'm gonna say,
I think Gareth had the right idea,
you just leave it and move on.
Sometimes you take a knee on this one.
I can tell you what it is.
So 1893, so we bring in a bunch of foreign workers,
because we want cheap railroads.
The economy collapses, it's essentially depression in 1893.
Right now, we have to get rid of the Chinese because they're taking the jobs.
That's what it is. Yes. Got it. Good times.
Yeah. If you can imagine such an era.
And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
Now, look, there's actually a couple couple times a year when a big group of my
my oldest friends and I and they are old get together and we will rent an Airbnb and
stay in it for a few days over like a holiday weekend or something like that.
And it just always makes the experience a lot better because you know, we're in a home.
But on the road if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb just because it's
better. I like a home over a hotel. But recently I did start thinking well while
I'm gone can I turn my place into an Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be
as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch
generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more
fun your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how and how much at airbnb.ca
slash host.
Next article is just titled table etiquette.
Finally, I really do like that as a follow up.
Careful.
So we're working on deporting all the Chinese
who don't sign the list.
How to eat a salad properly.
Oh, I tell ya, but careful,
this one could venture into the world of
women who choose not to go to finishing school
will be punished by.
Very true.
Simply cut her hand off, and then she'll learn her spoons.
Yes. And then forge'll learn her spoons.
And then ford spoons to her stump and that's what she will eat with from now on.
Ram them in.
Edward scissor spoons.
Edwina spoon hands.
Scissor spoons.
Scissor spoons.
These are not good for my eating.
How's everyone's scissors spoons?
It's a spoon on one and a scissor on the other.
It's not good.
We want to leave.
We want to leave the party.
Quiet all.
Okay, we'll stay.
Use your scissors spoons.
Oh my goodness.
A host should not stand while carving.
Interesting. Oh, OK.
First of all, crazy crazy.
And can you can you just imagine sit carving?
No, that's insane. Who sit car like my my shoulders are out of socket.
Ah, yeah, I went to I went to Frank's and he stood while carving.
Animal.
He's just sitting there like, won't be another hour.
Would hate to offend everyone, just give me a minute here,
we're almost through some of it.
No argumentative or in any way unpleasant topic
should be broached at the table.
What do you think about this Chinese situation?
I mean, that was bothering me
until I saw Garrus stand up to carve the beast.
Now that's taken over my anger.
The napkin is not folded, but is simply crushed
and laid beside the plate on rising.
I will say, I love the idea that in etiquette notes,
crushed is what you do to your...
I know, right?
You just turn it to dust.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The napkin is your enemy upon rising.
Has everyone crushed their napkins?
Let me crush my napkin before rising for your entrance.
Could I have another napkin?
I seem to have crushed my last one.
What a gentleman.
Do not overload the plate of a guest
or press upon anyone that which they have once declined.
I like that.
Golden Corral.
I appreciate that. I like that too.
Yeah.
I agree.
Never say or do or countenance in any others,
the saying or doing of anything rude or implied at the table.
Subject. This is very subjective. Yeah. Right.
Yeah. Okay. The side of the spoon is to be placed to the mouth,
except in the case of a man wearing a mustache when the point of the spoon leads the way.
It's like the point of the.
The side of the spoon, yeah, unless you have a side, unless your mustache, then you do the air. Yeah.
Yeah. You're playing yourself.
But you're supposed to make the noise, by the way.
Yes. What year is it?
It's 1893. OK. 1893.
That's crazy.
Well, because otherwise you get you get more of the stuff
on your mustache.
As a mustache man for most,
it doesn't matter how you take the spoon to your face.
You're gonna get anything.
But I think Dave's point is, if I may Dave,
speak for you, who could speak for yourself
because you're right there, but let me do it for you.
You're saying you're getting a smaller wake, not a wake,
you're getting a smaller, the entrance,
the width of the spoon is lesser when pointed
directly at your face than the side.
So you're getting less soup on your mustache, Gareth.
Correct.
John, speaking for you just now, Dave,
is another example of an immigrant taking on you.
Green card carrying, however.
Green card carrying.
It doesn't matter.
Sign the list, dude.
Sign the damn list.
Fine, I'll go back to China.
That's where I'm from.
Yes, this is ridiculous.
Yeah, I get it. Yes, this is ridiculous.
Yeah, I get it.
No, you don't.
It's dumb.
It's insane.
It's crazy.
Is that the reason though, really?
I know that's what you're saying, but how could that be?
It's gotta be, right?
I don't know why else it would be a thing.
I love all the rules.
The rules are wonderful.
It's crazy.
I mean, clean your yard,
but eat the soup the way you want.
You actually do it from the side
and everyone just stops eating and throws down their... Get out, Robert. the soup the way you want. You actually do it from the side and everyone just stops eating and throws down their utensils.
Get out, Robert.
Well, the dinner was ruined.
Get the fuck out.
I mean, could you imagine, you could make this paper
if you traveled back in time and just picked up the bowl
and drank the soup out of the bowl.
Oh my God.
Probably go to jail.
Man hanged for slurps.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Teach the children to eat at the table with their elders hanged for slurps.
Teach the children to eat at the table with their elders and do it in a dignified manner.
It is impossible to foretell what moment may require them
to exemplify their home training. Good God.
So don't. Yeah, just to want to train them well enough.
You never know what's going to happen at the table.
No, yeah, you don't know they're going to be out in the world
and they might, you know, be animals.
So you got to crush your napkin, will you?
Just let them be animals.
Dave, when did you start like and or have you like with your 14 year old?
Did you introduce them to like great table etiquette or anything like that?
Like, how did you do that?
We we haven't done that.
Like, it's just like basic basic table manners. but it's such an archaic thing now.
I mean I heard that schools, like universities,
like I think it was Clemson that like would teach kids
how to do that because they were going on interviews
after school and making fools of themselves.
Right, oh I see.
Like they're trying to get jobs and they would there'd be like a meal situation and they would just embarrass themselves.
We're very impressed by your essay, by your GPA.
Eat this macaroni in front of us.
Oh my eye!
You idiot.
Christ. Andy put it directly in. He doesn't have a mustache. So crazy. the the
the I got a little boring after that, so we can move on. This one is headline, The Woman of Gentle Heart.
The woman with a loving heart is sure to look upon
the bright side of life,
and by her example induces others to do so.
She sees a good reason for all the unwelcome events,
which others call bad luck.
She believes in silver linings and likes to point them out to others.
It just goes on like this.
What is it? It's it's I think it's a person, a person basically saying,
is this what porn was back then?
I think it's like some guy wrote a thing and he's like,
I'm going to tell a woman how to be a woman here because, you know.
Yeah, it's kind of like when it's kind of like the game, but in 1893.
Yeah, it's very much like, you know what?
How about a good attitude, woman?
Yeah.
You think about that.
Yeah, and if there's one thing I know about 1893,
it's that the attitude of the women was the issue.
Yeah.
Well. Yeah.
And to this day.
Is this an ad, Dave, perhaps? Nope. Yeah. And to this day. Is this and thank you. Is this an ad, Dave, perhaps?
No. OK.
Is it an ad that you're doing for yourself, Dave?
Yes. Yes. OK.
What? Oh, this is for you, Gareth.
What monarchy costs?
Oh, the right amount for John a little bit to what. Well, you're a member of the of the tribe.
You're part. Oh, John, you're also part of the Commonwealth.
Of course. Yes. Yes.
So this is also your your queen, your monarchy also king.
God save her. God took her.
Oh, then. Oh, sorry.
She she didn't make it. But yeah.
Yeah. The total cost of the monarchy is directly about six hundred thousand pounds a year.
But there are radicals who argue that indirectly it costs double.
Radicals. Radicals.
I don't even understand this story.
I don't know if it's a story.
Well, this editorial.
What are we reading?
The ramblings of a man in a paper.
Yeah, this is basically a guy who's who's bad. He's saying that the monarchy costs six
whatever, 600000 pounds a year.
And other people are saying it's more than that.
And he's like, no.
Well, and everyone always says it's worth it.
Let us then take their estimate, which is something over a million pounds
and divide that among 38 million people.
What does it come to ahead about three?
What is D? What is the little D? Three.
What is which, sorry?
The little the money amount that's a little D.
It's probably like a shilling or something like that. Yeah.
Three. Let's do three shillings a year or perhaps three farthings a month.
That is the utmost the queen costs her subjects.
That is the utmost they would gain by abolishing the monarchy.
Or would they gain that if they think so?
They are singularly sanguine.
Let them turn to countries which are under Republican government,
and they will find that elected presidents are apt to cost more than queens.
Agreed.
All right, get rid of those too.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, of them now. Well, the guy who won the 2020 election, he didn't even, wasn't even allowed to take office. Here we go again.
Here we go again.
Look at Arizona's exit poll.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kerry Lake is the governor.
Yes, agreed.
Trump won.
Yes, agreed.
I pooped in Nancy Pelosi's drawer.
Hold on. Hold on a minute. how did you do it in the drawer I had what am I an animal let me say that zone that's what
our founding fathers did all the time I need a cone zone our founding fathers had a poop drawer. Oh, that's the best idea.
Poop drawer.
Excuse me, Jefferson, I'm about to have a crap.
Maid, my poop drawer's full.
Would you mind?
On the way out.
Not only the dustbin, but also the crap drawer is loaded.
Yes.
Someone really needs to invent something
other than we have something called a toilet.
No, not for me.
Something different.
Have you guys ever heard of a poop knife, by the way?
A poop knife.
Yeah.
We have heard about a poop knife on this podcast
or the Dala poop knife came up.
Oh, okay, interesting.
And did we? I definitely remember a poop rope. I don't know if I remember a poop knife came up. Oh, okay, interesting. Yeah. And did we? A poop, I definitely remember a poop rope.
I don't know if I remember a poop knife.
Rope?
Well, now what's that?
John, back in the day,
ships had just a hole at the bow, I think it is,
the front of the boat.
Right.
And there would be a rope going down it,
and they would poop out the hole,
and then rub their bottoms with a rope.
The rope was used for cleaning your...
Oh, my goodness. No.
Am I hearing you right?
Mm-hmm. You are, I guess.
It's around that time that Preparation H became a thing.
And so you would run the rope.
The rope would...
How would they clean the rope?
It would, like you would.
I think that it would be in the water.
Into the water and then you just rotate it through.
Oh God, it's like those old hand cloth,
hand dryers in the bathroom
where they just keep circling through.
Oh my God, but for your butt.
Good Lord, a poop rope, good Lord.
We are better, we are better.
In certain ways, we are better.
I'm actually saying, bring back the poop rope.
Yeah.
Those were insane.
I know and I use those for my butt too.
Which is the problem.
There's no, you can't police me in that place.
No, poop knife was brought.
Wait, but John, what is the?
Poop knife?
Yeah, what is the poop knife?
It was brought to my attention from a friend named Bob,
Bob Stevenson and he brought it up
and I thought he was joking
and then he said he had a friend who had one.
And then I looked it up online and people do use them
and they do sell them as well.
But I mean, why buy one?
Just grab a knife, a poop knife.
So a high carb diet, well, this is how he presented it.
He said he had a roommate with a high carb diet
and the way it was brought up was,
hey, have you seen my poop knife?
He said, what are you talking about?
So he had a poop that wouldn't flush
and he'd have a knife specifically for, yes,
to chop up the, so it would correct.
Yes, much easier to flush.
Yeah.
I am violently angry right now.
Yes, you should be.
By the way, if you're using, if you have a mustache,
you're supposed to point it at the poop,
and if you don't, you're supposed to go side angle.
That's right.
I don't even know what I'm saying.
That's right.
Just to be a little toilet etiquette.
Yeah, so poop knife.
God damn it.
So one of these years, I am gonna buy Bob Stevenson
an engraved silverware knife with his name on it,
it says poop knife, and have it like just chained to the back of his toilet
in a little cup of Barbasol, or Barbasod.
Is that what that's called?
Barbasod?
What is that blue thing?
That blue one, Barbasod.
Oh no, Barbasod is when you kill 100 or more Barbas.
Right, yes.
I forgot, I fucked that up.
But, yeah, so that's poop knife.
Yeah, but poop rope is even more disturbing to me.
It's really awful. Both are awful. No, poop that's that's poop. Yeah, but poop rope is even more disturbing to me. It's really it's really awful
Both are on no well. I have a rope
Dave has a poop, but that's just for serving yeah
Well, that was the old yeah, I got a crap ladle
Okay, this is
This is this is the best headline headline I've heard in a while.
Dance from London to Norwich. Oh, wow.
The longest dance on record is probably that of William Kemp,
an actor of some celebrity in the reign of Queen Elizabeth.
He was a comedian and danced all the way from London to Norwich.
Of course, he was a comedian. Of course, he was a comedian.
We get it. You want attention.
By the way, this guy could still succeed in the UK today.
There's no doubt in my mind. None. This happens.
I mean, Red Nose Day. Yeah, this is perfect.
Yeah, it just we are the trapped in an era that is bizarre without question.
But this this is amazing.
What kind of dancing are we talking?
I mean, I would have 1893.
I'm curious.
The box step.
He was attended by a true borer, a taber, a T.
I didn't know. Troubadour.
Tate now. Troubadour.
Tabor or that's the word.
The meaning of Tabor is one that plays the Tabor.
Oh, that's helpful.
Well, there you go, there's your music.
Okay, so he had a small jump traditionally played
with one hand while playing a pipe with the other.
Okay. I almost think that that person
should be in the paper more than the dancer.
That guy's way more interesting.
That guy did a much more complex thing.
He was attended by a taber and a servant and an overseer.
And it was doubtless a good thing for him that there was there were no omnibuses
or police then, for they would probably have imposed more impediments
in the way it was progress than did the country people. Huh?
He started with several presents of groats
and crooked sixpence is for luck.
So those are birds. Uh huh.
And laden with these danced to laden with these
danced to Stratford without rest.
So he has a has a drummer flute boy with him.
And then they someone gives him a bunch of birds and for luck.
He's laden with them.
So I think he's covered with the birds are wrapped around him.
No, this can't be.
And then he dances to Stratford.
I mean, I'm sleeping. I mean, yeah. No, this can't be. And then he dances to Stratford.
I mean. About sleeping.
I mean.
For, yeah, when photographs were rare,
and I'm assuming no social media back then.
You'd think you could really,
you didn't really need all these things.
I think it was Twitter.
You didn't need any.
Sixpence is also money.
Twitter, yes, and birds do Twitter, so yes.
But yeah. Well done, John.
You'd think, thank you. But yeah, you'd think.
Thank you.
But you'd think that, yeah, he's overdoing it.
Not all these things were required.
But you do want some pomp and circumstance here.
You want, you wanna draw the attention.
Our options are the old barn dance, the waltz,
the half and half and animal dances, the grizzly bear.
I swear to God, I just looked up dances of the 1890s and I think this could be its own paper.
Argentine tango, Brazilian maxics, half and half and animal dances, animal dances such as the
grizzly bear, the turkey trot, the kangaroo hop, the duck waddle, lame duck and the crab.
Wouldn't the waltz make the most sense?
Although it would have to be something
he could do by himself, right?
You could still waltz alone.
I guess you could.
Yeah, Billy Idol showed us that.
What is the video, what is the song,
you can dance if you want to,
da da da da da da da.
You can be my girlfriend in the house.
Yeah, is that, in the video to that song,
is he not got a bagpipe and just kind of,
isn't it somewhat medieval, the video?
Medieval times, that is.
He's just kind of dancing through the forest.
It looks like he's going from village to village.
That's what I think.
Is that true?
It must be.
Let me look at that.
The song must be about this guy.
We can move on.
Yeah, seriously. But I think that's what it guy. We can move on. Yeah, seriously.
But I think that we can move on if we want to.
Oh, we can linger on this one.
Maybe dancing from town to town was a thing.
I'd imagine.
Actually, at eight in 1890, Dave knows this, but oh, and John, I'm sure.
But any anything you did that was interesting, you would get a following.
Like a guy would a guy would be like, I'm walking 100 miles backwards
and 200 people will come out and be like, this is one of the one of the best dollops
we did was about a guy who walked backwards pretty much across the country.
And everyone was like, this man is a hero. Yeah.
Yeah. 1890s. I mean, yeah.
And it would have been great to have been alive then, by the way.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you'd be dead now. So it would be extra. Yeah been great to have been alive then, by the way. Yeah. Yeah.
Well, you'd be dead now, so it'd be extra nice.
You'd have to be, yes, exactly.
It'd be beautiful.
Okay, so there, oh, so he gets to Stratford.
There many invited him to drink,
but the notes of the Tabor cut short his jocularities,
and he pranced off to Lifford.
Oh no.
Might be Lifford or Ilford.
Where he had to reject another caros that was offered to him.
So they're offering him booze and he's turning it down now
cause he's got a fucking dance.
Well he's working.
He's working, he's got a job to do.
He's in the middle of an amazing life.
I mean I think we all learned to stop drinking on stage
at some point.
No, not all of us.
Not all of us.
Never, never.
Not all of us.
Yeah.
From Ilford, he danced in the moonlight
to a point near Romford.
And oh, that is the video.
And that is exactly what's happening.
They're dancing from town to town.
He's got a little person with him.
This is it.
And they don't have to.
They don't have to.
They can dance if they want to.
Like this isn't like, they're not being forced to do this.
The royal edict of everyone else.
Look it, there's the...
The trubor.
Tabor.
It's very possible, John, that you you might be right.
Whole. And I shit.
Oh, my goodness. And look at here.
Here's the fork. Here's the fork in the road.
John really discovered.
That's what this is.
There's the.
That's what they got. And he's off.
John has off. Yes, John.
It's really what's happening in the video.
They're dancing from town to town.
Holy shit. that's amazing
god damn your mind your mind yeah see we're back to drinking on stage after this seriously
i mean who would not drink on stage you should do a podcast where you you you come up with these
crazy connections and then yell at your sister yeah done done we're almost there we're almost
there so wait you do not drink on stage ever, Gareth.
For the dollop, I'll drink on stage
because it's like a little bit looser, conversational.
And every now and then, maybe I'll
have a glass of wine if there were rarely.
OK.
And Dave?
I'm OK with one, but then I'd notice that my timing gets off
after that.
OK, yeah.
So you guys are concerned with things
like timing and performance.
Gotcha.
Okay.
So that's the difference.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't have those concerns.
Yeah.
Are you drinking a beer right now, John?
I am, yes.
I'm on my second beer.
Yeah.
But listen, I've had a good day.
I've earned it.
John's in the Airbnb.
I've earned it.
No, no, no. I'm borrowing the've earned it. John's in the Airbnb. I've earned it. No, no, no.
I'm borrowing the Airbnb internet.
So he's on vacation legally.
Strong signal.
Well, no, but I've had quite a day.
And look, when I'm home, it means
that Christina's working.
And so I'm full time dad.
So I am all day dad mode.
And yeah, carved out a little time for this one
so I could sit back with a
couple of friends and drink a beer and listen to them stories about how the chinese were sent home
john get out of here two ipa's in john understood the supreme court ruling
listen to my new podcast is my sister Chinese.
That's a great title for a podcast.
That could be the next episode.
Are you Chinese?
Is my sister Chinese?
And we try to figure it out every week.
And you're drunk.
Episode 115 is my sister Chinese.
Now, I think I've narrowed it down.
Sean, I can't do this anymore.
We're brought to you by Squarespace.
John, no we're not.
Oh boy.
Okay, so from Ilford he danced in the moonlight
to a point near Romford and that ended
his first days exploit.
Subsequently he went, people hate the way I pronounce
that word, but that's how I was raised.
Which word?
He went.
Subsequently.
Subsequently.
I had a speech impediment as a kid,
so they had me repeating.
Why votes for Biden?
Repeatedly saying it subsequently to get over my thing.
So I-
And is that how you say it? Subsequently.
So I always say it that way, but then people scream at me
and I'm like, sorry, I had a speech impediment as a child,
but thank you.
Keep screaming.
Yeah, but Dave, that's wrong.
That's wrong.
But it's wrong the way you say it.
Thank you, John.
So subsequently, thank you, John.
Well, I'm gonna share a story with you after this story.
Just I want you to feel, I want you to feel okay,
because I have a similar experience.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
So he went in for early- Let me tell you now.
Let me tell you now.
So I-
No, no, you go ahead.
You go ahead.
My story, it's not important at all.
I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in the world.
But I will tell you after your story okay he went into for probably best I
tell now because we're on the subject I think John's impediment was that he
would interrupt that's why they want to send me home by the way it's so funny
how much I wanted you to do it again and how great it was that you did.
And the problem with me is I believe that comedy comes in 11s.
So who knows how long this will go on for.
Not 8s, that's where you lose them, but 11s you win them hard.
8, 9 is when you start to get them back again.
And then 10 and 11, the big laugh and you got away.
Dave, when I studied French immersion
and so I had to do every subject in French.
So for the longest time I learned,
like math was all in French.
But then in the ninth grade I jumped back into English.
And for the longest time I was told that,
I thought in a Saucely's triangle,
I was taught that in a Saucely's triangle
was a triangle isocel, isosel.
It's a friend.
So when I got into English,
that was the one thing I could not figure out.
And every time I'd have to answer that question
aloud in class, I would say a triangulisosel.
And everyone would look at me like I was completely crazy.
So yes, I know exactly what you're saying.
I'm here for you.
I support you. I'm sorry I interrupted the yes, I know exactly what you're saying. I'm here for you, I support you.
I'm sorry I interrupted the flow of the podcast
to tell this dumb story.
No, you didn't.
Triangle is a self.
That's funny, I actually have a story off of that
that I'll get into after we finish.
Okay, yeah.
Okay, yes.
He went in.
When I was raised by English people in Wisconsin
and they used to call
paper towel kitchen roll.
And I never knew whatever it came down to like someone be like,
we have me one of those.
I would be like a ply of kitchen roll.
Kitchen roll. I mean, paper towel, paper towel, paper towel.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like the kid who moved to my school, like in third grade,
who was from New York and they called they called, you know, any soda pop.
Yeah. I got a pop. And that poor kid. Yeah.
It was debit. He was destroyed.
They popped him. Yeah. Yeah.
I'd leave a friend's bathroom and I'd be like, you're out.
You're out of poop rope and they'd be like what?
Knife you idiot. Are you talking about the probe?
He went in early
He went in for early risings to avoid market people and through suffering from a sprain of the hip
Which he received he danced it well again to delight of the crowd that which he received. He danced it well again to the light of the crowd
that accompanied him for 200, some 200 in number.
Okay, there's 200 people now following him.
He sprains his hip dancing.
So English.
But he continues to dance.
Jesus, this is weird.
I could just picture him being like,
but I can't stop, I've got to make it all the way.
So it's still on my lip, but it's sprained hip.
Yeah, it seems. What is that?
I guess. Can you do that?
I guess you could.
You can explain anything. The hips got. Yeah.
I've I've sprained a I've sprained a couple hips in my days, boys.
Go on, you sexy monster. I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I shouldn't legally I don't think I'm allowed to do that
I think you can't but tell me what you mean by full body. What do you mean by that?
Well, I get an erection. Yeah, and then I get on the side of the bed and I do
What what a wrestler would do I jump from that and I try to oh
Kind of poop knife it in there. Okay, like like a dart like like a bee pollinating. All right.
I mean you've painted a really horrible picture that is confusing and upset a hard life. Yeah, it's been a hard life
You can also just slowly
Get on the woman
Triangle is ocell is what I used to say
Embarrassing embarrassing that's what he would call Menage Toit too.
Shall we do a Triangle Isocel?
Well, we probably shouldn't because Gareth does full body.
Oh, are we?
Watch out.
Okay, when he reached Chelmsford,
he was so exhausted that he could not dance at all for a time.
And his fourth day's dance was a hard one.
Thick woods on each side and lanes full of deep holes
so that sometimes he says he, quote,
skipped up to the waist, which must have placed him
in a woeful plight.
Wow.
This is insane that it's all for dancing.
Like, everyone's like, don't do it then.
Ha ha ha!
But what a great story.
It's crazy.
He had to dance himself out of holes.
Yeah.
But what a beautiful, like, this is,
as far as I'm concerned, the most captivating story
that we've heard so far.
I agree.
I mean...
I mean, I would watch this if a guy was,
I would go watch this.
Just a man, like, slowly dying while dancing?
Yeah.
Looks like both hips are sprained
Hope he makes it some street toughs curb stopped him, but he's still trying to plow through now with doing a bit of box trot
He danced it was not as easy as you'd think no
Now would you write would you write the script to this movie?
Yes, yes, I would.
But I would definitely I'd have like note cards up and I'd be like,
I'm not sure if this can be a movie.
I think we're running out of fuel.
He rested at Braintree and danced three miles off his next day's journey.
His next stop was at Sudbury, where he, sorry,
where a butcher tried to dance with him,
but in half a mile, he was tired and had to give in.
The butcher, the butcher did?
The butcher did.
Yeah.
After half a mile.
He came back to a shop with no meats.
Yeah.
There had to be times where there was no one around.
And he still was like, I got to keep danc-
like, it was like he probably could have jogged
for a little bit.
Yeah.
Well, but you can't because you might come around a corner
or some guy could step out of from behind a tree
and that you weren't dancing.
I knew it!
But there had to have been some straightaways.
I mean, come on.
Completely.
We did hear danced- There had to be. D straightaways. I mean, come on. Completely. We did hear danced under the moonlight, correct?
So I mean, there must have been straightaways
and hedgerows where he knows, okay.
3 AM where there was nobody around.
I would have just gunned it.
I would have given, yeah, you think you were.
Yeah, yeah.
And then there's like, there'd be the version
of the Joe Rogan podcast would be like he didn't
There was no dancing at all
Did you see this the guy who danced all the way no apparently he didn't dance the whole way watch this
Look at this. Look at this, look at this, he's walking.
I told you, I told you you couldn't,
no one can dance that far.
Stories alive.
Oh my God.
He danced the 10 miles from Burry to Thetford in three hours.
His next stage was to Rockland, from which point his host attempted to accompany him,
but lay down from the fatigue at the end of two fields.
Two fields worth two fields.
Yeah, that's such an English measurement.
How many fields are you?
Are you? How many fields tall are you?
None?
I'm an eighth of one at most. No, I'm 32nd.
You're a big man, aren't you? I'm two fields, but also a tree.
I'm a tree tall and ten stone heavy.
How many rivers are you drinking?
Sir, I don't think you're part of the system.
How many rivers are you drinking?
OK, when he reached Norwich, he had to dance in and out of the city twice
for his overseer missed him in the crowd and made him do the distance over again
to avoid any possibility of error.
But so he's saying, I didn't see you dance in because I lost you in the crowd.
So that's your whole job. Yeah.
You're the overseer.
But why should he do it again? The whole crowd was around him.
The crowd would be there. Yeah, I agree.
But I guess he's just saying I couldn't see you dancing.
He could have been walking or skipping.
If you want the record properly, you need to read all.
Wow. You've done it wrong.
This podcast.
Do you want to be in the history books?
Do you not want to be?
This part of the field to you. What a B. How many fields are you?
I'm seven trees.
This podcast is so beautiful and perfect
because this man's legacy is alive today.
And if he didn't do it twice,
it may not have made the paper
and we may not be talking about it.
So the overseer was correct. Yes.
That's true.
Do it again!
Yeah. One more.
Tell you what, I'm always closed again. Do it a third time.
All right, I was having a wank.
Yeah.
So to walk from, if you were to walk from London to Norwich today,
it says it would be 40 hours.
Oh, my God.
So he danced 40 hours and.
110 miles.
Is it really that far from London to Norwich?
Oh, well, to walk. Yeah, 40.
It's also not that far.
It's like the craziest, like.
It's a couple hours by car, right?
By car.
Wow, that was a crazy.
That's crazy.
Well, that's probably, I think with our two pieces,
that's probably the ep Dave,
unless you got a banger to cap it.
40 hours. Okay, we can just do this banger to cap it. 40 hours.
Okay, we can just do this one.
It's quick.
40 hours of dance, but more.
Dancing is not walking.
No, no.
Put that on.
James Whitcomb Riley has a habit of.
In the book.
Yeah.
James Whitcomb Riley has a habit of talking loudly
in his sleep.
While traveling in a sleeping car recently,
he entertained his fellow voyagers by repeating one in his sleep. While traveling in a sleeping car recently, he entertained his fellow voyagers
by repeating one of his lectures.
He was aroused by applause and knew nothing of his
oratorical effort.
I call bullshit on this.
He's lecturing in his sleep.
I'm gonna end, but even before that, I'm gonna entertain a bullshit on this one. Who's lecturing in his sleep? I'm gonna, but even before that,
I'm gonna entertain my guests in the car
by giving them one of my lectures.
Wanna hang out with this person?
A night lecturer?
This person doesn't have friends.
Did I do it again?
Not traveling with anyone?
There's no way.
Oh my God.
And by the way, entertain?
I would be like, yeah, it's kind of funny.
Wake him up and make him stop.
Yeah, yeah.
The four-speckled Wrangler flies at night.
Stopped him.
Jesus Christ.
Awful.
What subject was he lecturing about, does it say?
God, I wish it would say.
I mean, how does it not say that?
What a horrible missing piece of information.
He fell asleep and kept rambling in his sleep,
but stayed on point with his lecture.
On point.
So a guy danced for 40 hours or more,
and then this guy just talked in his sleep
and is in basically the same page of the paper.
That's right.
That's right.
Really kind of poopknif's right that's right really
under kind of poop knives the guys deal a little bit the dancing guy wait wait sorry i i totally fucked this up i i heard that i somehow heard they were in a car that's not possible how were
they traveling no train car train car oh train car oh gotcha yeah okay yeah um well listen
Well, listen, John, this has been a ride. We thank you for joining us.
How are you feeling?
I don't know what that means.
Well, that's the end of the show.
I mean, it's over.
I know, but it's been a ride.
Has it been a good ride?
Has it been a ride where someone's been talking in their sleep?
It's been a great ride.
It's been a ride.
It's been like dancing from London to Nor been a ride, it's been like dancing
from London to Norwich.
I'll be honest, I enjoyed myself.
There was a lot of topics we covered that I really enjoyed.
I'm sorry that the internet cut out for the listeners.
They won't even know.
They won't know.
Because we'll have to, we'll cut this out too.
They won't even know.
They're gonna hear this part
because I'm gonna insist on it.
Listen.
We're gonna cut you completely out of the podcast.
You imagine.
We have a non-Jora version.
Oh my God, it would be so funny to tell someone
you were great on the podcast,
you hire someone else to redo my voice.
I'll tell you, John, there's one episode specifically
I can think of where we would have probably tried to do
that with someone.
Oh, I wanna know who that is, but yeah.
I'll tell you how.
Okay, perfect.
Guys, you're so fun.
Thank you.
You're the best.
Again, you have a podcast with your sister.
Yes.
That people can listen to wherever podcast.
Brother Sister podcast.
Yeah, Brother Sister podcast with the great Alison Doerr, my sister.
Or follow me at at TV's John Doerr on Instagram.
I post everything about it there.
Yes. You are the are the greatest pleasure always.
So thank you, John.
No.
And Dave, screw you as always.
Thanks, everybody.
Dave and Graham, thanks for having me.
Get out of here.
Shit.
Some of these days, you'll miss me, honey.
Some of these days.
And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
Now look, there's actually a couple times a year when a big group of my oldest friends
and I, and they are old, get together and we will rent an Airbnb and stay in it for a few days
over like a holiday weekend or something like that and it's just always makes the
experience a lot better because you know we're in a home. But on the road if I
ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb just
because it's better. I like a home over a hotel. But recently I did start thinking
well while I'm gone can I turn my place into an Airbnb?
And the answer is yes.
It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated
from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road.
So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more
fun, your home might be worth more than you think.
Find out how and how much at airbnb.ca slash host.