The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 70 - The Past Times with Nate Craig
Episode Date: April 12, 2024Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Nate Craig. Watch his special Live at The Green Mill Redbubble Merch...
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And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
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But on the road, if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb
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All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast.
Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history
picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before
and neither is our guest this week.
Nate Craig, hello Nate.
Oh God, it's so nice to be flying blind.
Feel good?
Yeah, I feel good.
I feel like I, look, we don't need to,
I mean, the tech issues, that's what you get.
Isn't it good when the podcast is the easy part?
Yes. When you're just like this.
Now I get to do the show.
Oh, God, I need to hire an assistant.
I'm available.
Nate, you're a not only a Wisconsin native, as I am, I and a huge Packer fan
and all that, but you're also a touring stand up.
And you've got a special called Live at the Green Mill produced by Bill Burrow
on All Things
Comedy.
And you're going to be in Europe in May,
and then you're touring all over,
and people can go to nakecraig.com.
You're darn right.
And you have an OnlyFans?
Yeah, at GoodHusband on OnlyFans.com
is the actual handle that I have.
Is that true?
Europe in April.
To Copenhagen on the 14th, all the way through Oslo
at the end of the month.
Yes, at GoodHusband on OnlyFans.com.
What are you doing on OnlyFans?
Well, they did those tapings, right?
So they were like trying to diversify and not be, you know,
a basement for pedophiles, which was how they.
Which is when I left.
That was their original name.
Yeah, it didn't work as well. Basement for pedophiles.
Hey, you can follow me at basement for pedophiles. You
can follow me down into the basement. Hey, I can follow
you. I'm doing stuff that anyway, I probably shouldn't
get into it. But there's a lot of stand up on OnlyFans now.
They're definitely trying to do. There's some roasts. They're
doing all kinds of stuff. They were they were actually doing
showcases and so I did one of those and part of the part of the deal was, you know, to post content and stuff.
So I am on there and I am trying to see.
And you're doing stand up and people can also see your your balls and anus.
Yep. Yep. Oh, you got to show you got to show the goods.
You can't try to, you know, don't bring a don't bring don't bring a knife
to a gunfight. You know, yeah, I hear don't bring don't bring a knife to a gunfight, you know
Um, well nate you listen, I know you've always said this is one of your favorite podcasts I don't need to tell you about it, but you know the deal. Uh, we're gonna that's right. Um
This newspaper, I don't know where it'll be from neither do you but I always like to guess the year
Um, just because it gives it's something for the. And this week's guest is brought to you by Peps at AC.
Peps at AC, if you got heartburn in the moment
and you want to get rid of it, use Peps at AC.
Otherwise use Osomaprol if you're trying to predict.
What's happening right now?
They're not a sponsor.
Nate, I'm going to guess the year this paper is 1811.
Ooh.
So is Peps at AC not a sponsor of your guys?
Because I was I was impressed.
I'm like, wow. Yeah, no, they're not.
It's amazing that the time he does the best read is when it's for a sponsor
we don't actually have.
Oh, not yet.
And they if they're available with my camera, that's anyway.
I was ready to go out and get me some indigestion. Yeah. What is that my camera? That's anyway.
I was ready to go out and get me some indigestion. Yeah.
What would you guess, Nate?
What year you think Dave's gonna hit us with?
Well, here real quick, Dave,
are you picking this year and the paper that we're reading
based on Gareth and myself?
Just nothing.
I just randomly pick them.
You just randomly picked it?
Absolutely nothing to do with you guys.
Nothing to do.
So it's right.
And it has no there's no logic on your end either.
OK, so well, then I would just then then what's then why are we guessing?
That's right.
Fifty one.
Oh, he's close.
1927.
Why are we guessing, guy?
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
Not only does he hate the system, he's good at it.
Is that an archetype?
Yeah, it is in Hollywood. like that. Not only does he hate the system, he's good at it. Is that an archetype? Yeah.
It is in Hollywood.
Yeah. So this is Decatur, Alabama
on July 5th, 1927.
I would prep for a little soft or hard racism here, Nate. Just.
Don't be shocked if some of that comes our way.
All right.
Front page here, nearly one dozen die in accidents over the nation.
What?
700 are reported injured during day.
Wait.
Read that again.
Yep.
Nearly one dozen die in accidents over the nation.
OK. Seven hundred are reported injured during the day.
OK, so that's just a day.
That's just kind of a it's like a restaurant when they put on the little whiteboard.
How many days they've gone without incidents.
This is just the daily count.
The language alone over nation.
And I'm I'm guessing there was a solar eclipse on this day.
That's good.
Guys, it's July 5th.
Is that right?
Yeah, this is the day after July 4th.
Oh, oh, OK.
So this is a firework toll.
Yeah. The sharp decline from old time independence day death tolls
was shown again this year when fatalities
reported directly from fireworks guns and similar objects
Used to celebrate the day hovered around the dozen mark Wow, so we're looking I wonder what it is now
I bet it's I bet it's gone up. It's gotta be yeah
Yeah, we have access to crazier things.
People are probably just about as dumb and there's more of us.
Yeah. Vehicles. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Jason Pierre Paul dies every year on the floor.
More than 700 people were injured,
including 214 treated at hospitals in New York and 100 in Washington.
Strict laws covering the use of fireworks undoubtedly
helped to hold down the casualty toll.
God, I wonder what it was before.
I was going to say, I feel like we've loosened.
I don't. What are the restrictions?
I feel like there are dynamite dynamite.
It might be.
Dynamite was probably a big player for a fire.
I was like, look, it doesn't have a lot.
It doesn't shoot in the sky, but look the fuck out.
Just some guy putting lit dynamite in his five year old's hands.
Throw it, Petey. Or don't.
The bombs bursting in my nephew's hands.
Gave proof through the night that Dylan was gone.
That I will be the sole one responsible
for the continuation of my lineage.
Oh, a lot of weight is upon my shoulders now.
They keep trying to accuse me of assassinating my nephew,
but I swear to God it was just to celebrate our union.
He blew up his fucking nephew.
Now he's running for mayor.
That's why my next son is gonna be called Dusty.
Oh, Dusty, why they call him Dusty?
Cause either way it works out.
And my niece Misty.
Oh man, this man disintegrates.
I'll tell you a story.
You weren't allowed to meet your uncle cloud.
Huh.
Hmm. Oh, man.
In Milwaukee. Oh, yeah.
A drive against violators of city ordinances had counted
a 1200 arrests over the weekend.
That a lot of that had to be intoxication that I'm not even saying
it was non-firework related, but it was fireworks fueled by alcohol.
Would be great. Right. Yeah.
Oh, are we? No. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, great.
Well, that's the thing.
You can't take alcohol out of Wisconsin.
And I mean, this is the ripple effect. Yeah.
This is what we have.
Probably the most spectacular fireworks explosion occurred
in the Forest Preserve near Chicago last night.
When the premature explosion of an air bomb set off a huge pile of fireworks.
What in the fuck just happened?
A huge pile.
See, see, see, nowadays we're just living.
We're just we're just a nation full of cake eaters.
Where a bottle rocket is just a just you can just walk down
to the corner store and pick yourself up at half a dozen bottle rockets.
But back then they had to fashion themselves an air rocket.
What the hell do he call it?
Air bomb.
Air bomb.
Air bomb.
Air bomb.
Air bomb.
Back before Elon Musk had all his dad's emerald money, regular old assholes
all about the Edens up there on the north side had to fucking
fashion to get her my own air bomb by the way when you see her air bomb headed for a pile of fireworks like that probably not gonna end great yeah the mast explosive being hurled into a crowd of more than a thousand persons. Jesus Christ.
What was the setup?
I don't know.
Twenty five or more.
Many of them children were injured by the bursting
fireworks and being trampled on in the general
rush to get away from the rain of fire.
Man, what a time for child
hating psychopaths.
Yes, you could just blend
right in and claim to be a patriot and
go right back to the barbecue line.
You got out and people like, man, that was crazy.
You're like, what was I thought was just trampling kids.
That was awesome.
I hate children.
Oh, here's the numbers. Here's the numbers.
In 1903, Fourth of July, deaths in the U.S.
numbered four hundred and sixty six with nearly four thousand injured.
That's four hundred and sixty six.
It's time.
That's what they do.
That's not almost so right.
The fourth by shooting you in the face, Jeff.
I'm going to guess it's fuse related.
We you get a lot of the fuses have been very generous to us over time.
Yeah, they really have a moment
They weren't standard. No, they're
God made fuses tight. It was literally like it was like Looney Tunes, dude. It was a trail of gunpowder
Out one house into the other.
A little cocaine trail of gunpowder.
Man and woman sought by police.
This is a news story, Nate. OK. All right.
New Orleans police joined today with Memphis authorities
in a search for Lemuel Harwell,
a aged Memphis resident, aged Memphis, who is an old guy,
and Miss Anna LeFavor, a young woman whom her husband says was kidnapped by Harwell.
Oh, wow. So this old guy took a young lady. Yeah. Kidnapped. Yeah. Well.
Wow. Who do we believe right there? Yeah, we don't believe the husband. and and and
and
and
and
and
and
and he left Memphis was said by police to have had a large amount of money in his possession. Yeah. Yeah. Harwell's a pimp. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Harwell's a pimp. He's old school fucking pimp. Yeah.
Harwell is 78 years old and Miss Lefebvre is 27.
God damn. So he's a rich guy.
Yeah, he's been he's been a pimp.
Seventy eight years old in what year?
Nineteen twenty five.
This man is one hundred and fifty nine years old.
With how much money?
A billion dollars in today's.
Wow. Wow.
The real headline is a hundred and fifty nine year old man
with a suitcase of a billion dollars takes middle aged woman.
Fuck it. We not heard of this legend before.
Inspector Griffin has wired New Orleans police
asking them to arrest Harwell on a charge of kidnapping.
But she clearly just went with him.
I mean, I don't know.
Yeah, she went with him.
Come on. You think you think a 78 year old can kidnap a 27 year old?
Come here.
Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, he sold her a lifestyle now.
Get over here now. OK.
Grace's plane is a twisted mass.
Jesus Christ, this front page is really rocking.
Yeah, it's great. Yeah.
This is from the island of Kauai.
The twisted ruins of an airplane,
a broken-hearted aviator and a disappointed field staff
were all that remain today of the trans-oceanic flight
of Richard Grace, Hollywood stunt flyer
who crashed to Earth here today
shortly after taking off alone from-
We don't need the Earth part.
We're really I get how this works.
I don't believe him to have crashed into the moon.
But over everything's a little bit.
Everything's a little bit highfalutin, like over the nation and crashed.
So everything's got it's got to be, you know, they're
just some newspapers. Yeah.
They're selling newspapers. Ten percent of the population is literate. And so they really got to be there. They're selling newspapers. They're selling newspapers.
10% of the population is literate.
And so they really gotta grab ya.
They really gotta, you know.
So he took off from California.
So that's pretty impressive to crash on a Hawaiian island.
Yeah, I guess it is.
Or he was taken off.
He was taken off from Kauai.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be, oh all that would be a real
fumble at the goal line. There it is.
Wham.
Yeah, I was trying to land.
I could taste the poke.
Oh, man.
The jinx, which has haunted Grace practically
since he arrived, permitted him to come out of it unhurt,
but the plane was damaged badly.
Wow.
Well, he is a stunt man.
Yeah, but also, isn't that your headline?
A guy crashed into Kauai and he got out
and said, like, plane dead.
No, he did like some Looney Tunes shit
where the fucking house crashes off a cliff and he steps out. Yeah.
Plane damaged in man's survival.
Legends everywhere in 1925.
Well, you could really you could really tell it.
Tell a story about somebody.
It is nice to know that Boeing was around back then.
a story about somebody. It is nice to know that Boeing was around back then.
The Stunt Flyer took off early yesterday in his third try for the mainland.
Well, there's going to be a fourth.
Yeah. Well, still near the takeoff point, the tail of the monoplane
was seen to flutter.
Grace headed it back toward the beach runway and in landing,
it struck brushes on the edge of the field.
The fuselage and one wing were smashed, but the stunt flyer crawled out of the wreckage unhurt.
Boy, that's fucking crazy. Third try. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me three times. Crash into the fucking mountain. God's trying to tell you to leave.
And God's trying to tell you to leave.
That is a wild thing to survive, though. Yeah. Yeah.
The takeoff over the rough sands was believed to have weakened the rudder,
although materials had been ordered for rebuilding the plane.
Grace and his mechanic are considering returning to Honolulu.
Yeah. Do that.
OK, first of all, there's two there's two horrible.
He not. He doesn't call him a mechanic. He's a mechanician and then Honolulu is spelled Hono low
Yeah, well, it's a funny place
I
it also I
Would imagine that this guy for the rest of his life is
Going to have to hear from someone,
good thing you're a stunt man though, huh?
I bet that's the craziest stunt you've ever been a part of.
And he was like, yeah, shut the fuck up, I almost died.
Forever, he's, yeah, forever they're gonna be like,
yeah, all stunt man, never,
they never stopped talking about it.
I bet you that was the craziest stunt you ever,
I bet you wish you got paid for that stunt.
I have never been to an island I haven't crashed directly off the coast of.
It sounds like he wanted it, right?
I mean, he's nothing was going right.
Yeah, yeah. They don't mention that earlier, like right before they left off,
he cut the tail a little bit.
All the mechanicians are back there
smoking cigarettes, shaking their heads at him.
Maybe he was air bombed.
Let me guess, you're going to try again.
That's right.
As he throws the scarf over his shoulder.
Has lived here all of her life.
Well, that's not really how headlines are supposed to go.
This is going to be a good story.
Oh, Miss A.A.
McCollum, route route to heart cell route to.
Oh, see, tell him Dave.
They always put people's addresses like no matter up until the 70s,
they would be like, even if you're a victim of a crime or whatever.
Yeah, they'd say exactly where he lived.
But this one just says route to just where is it?
Because you want to find them.
Lot of land. All land.
There's only one house. Yeah.
Yeah. Think of where Superman was born.
Miss McCollum, route to Hartzell in the city today on business, declared that she has seen
many things come and go in this county since she was born here.
How the fuck are you right after a Hollywood stuntman crashed into Honolulu with the headline is woman never left.
It's like, look, there's not a lot of news after some stuff.
They've had bangers the whole paper, and now they're just like, Hey,
there's a lady who's seen everything here because she just never left.
Miss McCollum has nearly reached her 85th mile post
and is still interested in the affairs of her country.
Oh, she's a five.
Took me a minute to see.
She still cares.
Yeah, boy, they really let this 85 year old ramble.
Yeah, they've seen everything.
I never left.
Will you put this in the paper?
Put this in the paper.
I still like my country.
Please put my address in
there so hopefully somebody comes and ends this I'm 85 and 1927 this is awful Help! The headline should be kill me! Tell that man to fly a plane upon me! I'll hold dynamite!
I've seen so much horse shit, I'd love for it to stop someday!
Every day's the worst!
I CAN'T DIE!
Route 2! Die. Route to I'll be out here waving my arms.
You can't miss me.
Hell, don't even stop.
I'll get under the vehicle.
She recalled that where the depot now stands at Hartsell, that
that a pine thicket stood in the early days.
You know, if you look, you're not gonna believe this,
but over there, you see over there,
there used to be a pine thicket.
Can you believe it?
I've seen everything.
A pine thicket.
She's just lonely.
That's it? She's just lonely. That's it.
She's just lonely.
This is the assignment they give to the new reporter.
Anybody new to the paper has to go out to fucking talk to this lady.
They're just like, well, well, well.
Look who drew the short straw today.
If it isn't the new kid.
Oh, you must be new.
Hi, ma'am.
They sent a lot of Pulitzer Prize winning reports.
Let me walk you through the headline of my paper.
There used to be a tree there.
There's a tree back in the day.
Okay, ma'am, that sounds about right.
I think we could just take this picture and I can leave.
No, no, no.
Let me walk you through why why it was a pound ticket.
I got my headline.
The headline is this used to not be a road.
So, OK, thank you, ma'am.
I'm I had like to be that's the thicket.
Horrible out here. I just want to die.
I've had sex.
Okay, there's more to this sentence.
One time a horse crapped.
But there too.
She recalled that where the depot now stands at Hartzell that a pine thicket stood in the earlier days and that a deer had been killed where the streets of Hartzell
now run.
So I think you'd kind of chum the waters with the pine thicket and then we'll
really get them with the closer deer over there shot.
Tell that to your city folk ma'am I think the roads are there because of the topography of the the area I don't think the deer had anything to do
let's not go making up words! I'm 89! Happy birthday.
When is your birthday?
It isn't even my birthday.
Well it is almost!
That could be a part of the story too!
Let me tell you about the first time I tried cake.
Ma'am, do you like fireworks?
As a matter of fact, I abhor them.
Too much!
Let me walk you through the theater.
I'm not a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks.
I'm a fan of fireworks. I'm a fan of fireworks. I'm a fan of fireworks. I'm a fan of fact, I abhor them too much.
Let me walk you through the thicket.
We're riding the thicket of it plot wise.
Oh, that could go on your little thing.
Oh, so tired.
God, I hope she dies now.
Yeah, I'm ready for this woman to die.
One time I did. I hope she dies now. Yeah, I'm ready for this woman to die.
One time I did.
They put a horse kidney in me and I lived.
And we are also brought to you by Airbnb. Now look, there's actually a couple of times a year when a big group of my, my
oldest friends and I, and they they are old get together and we will
rent an Airbnb and stay in it for a few days over like a holiday weekend or
something like that and it's just always makes the experience a lot better
because you know we're in a home. But on the road if I ever have the choice
between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb just because it's better. I like a
home over a hotel. But recently I did start thinking, well, while I'm gone, can I turn my place into an Airbnb?
And the answer is yes.
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Uh, president goes to round up.
This is exciting. Is it?
Hermosa, South Dakota, motoring to Hermosa from the summer
from the summer White House, motoring to Hermosa from the summer from the summer White House, motoring to Hermosa from the summer White House.
President and Miss Coolidge boarded their special train this morning
and left for the Belforsh Roundup.
Cowboys, Indians, steers, buffalo
and unbroken horses were entered in the roundup to give the president
a reproduction of what was once the life and pleasure of the West. Well I'm curious how real
they're gonna get with the Native American portion of it. I do not feel like that whole story is gonna be told to the president in the reenactment.
It ends in a massacre of women and children. Yeah. No, no, not real Indians, just a dozen fifth graders with feathers in their hats.
Yep, yep.
Oh my God.
I like the summer White House.
Yeah, well, it's like Crawford, it's like Camp David or whatever, basically.
Right?
It's got to be his place in South Dakota or something.
Yeah, it's like when Bush would go to Arlington and you'd be like, aren't you in charge of
the war on terror?
And he'd be like, armadillos, they love to bury themselves inside of these
hollowed out tree stumps.
I like to paint them.
One day in retirement, I shall paint this scene.
I like to paint armadillos while they hide.
That's fun.
That's what you get to do as a president.
You get to call your fucking cottage
of the.
Yeah. Yeah.
The summer White House.
Your vacation home. Yeah.
Pretty cool.
Here's here's something that's fun.
Answer to health queries.
Oh, God, this is going to be fucking horrified.
What causes a three month old baby to vomit after every bottle?
Holy shit.
You should not be writing the paper.
This baby should be in intensive care immediately.
Well, it sounds like this baby could use, that's right,
Pepsid A.C.
And this baby.
Now we got Pepsid Junior Strawberry Flavor. That's for kids who are puking up right away.
Listen, a child is naturally going to want to ingest the milk, but sometimes that old
Harper and highway is going to kick up a little lava.
Ladies and gentlemen, is your baby's tummy a little bit too sensitive for the lead powder
that you add to its formula?
Ladies and gentlemen, is the newspaper not giving you the health advice
your dying baby needs immediately? I'd recommend a little PAC. So the answer is... Okay, thank
God. Why does my baby... This baby's dying. Well, you don't have to answer anymore. Huh? This was this may be due to feeding the child too fast or a digestion.
Oh, yeah, the baby's eating too fast.
Yeah, it's the basic just classic, classic baby blaming just
classic, classic baby blaming for the for the myriad of chemicals that were...
Baby shaving, yeah.
I mean, what is the...
Walk me through the second part of this paper's solution where they're like, the baby will
not take direction well on how to slow down its consumption of the milk.
The baby likes to unhinge its lower jaw and then just
swallow the bottle whole. Is that a problem? Have you ever heard of butt funnelling? That's what the baby's into.
My baby has an insatiable appetite and a real flair for her execution. I mean I don't have a baby but Dave
the babies throw...
Don't they throw up a lot?
Is that not part of the deal?
But they should be throwing up after every bottle.
Yeah, they throw up.
After every bottle?
But not after every bottle.
The kid's got an issue of some kind.
This kid didn't make it to the next edition.
The kid did not make it to 85 on Route 2.
What you can do for a dog, with a dog,
you just get like a bowl that has a bunch of little groove
things in it, so it's hard for them to wolf it down fast.
You get a spiked bowl?
Spiked bowl, yeah.
Not spiked in the sense that it would cut them,
but just got little like ridges.
Yeah, they got to dig it out.
They got to dig it out a little bit, work at it.
It's a physical challenge for the dog to eat their their gruel.
Yeah, you just hear.
But we got to Zempak. So go ahead.
No, I yeah.
We like it. Yeah.
Like at Wetzel's Pretzel, like make people dig it out of like
maybe like a rubber ball.
Yeah, that would be great if it was or if it was in like a puzzle.
They've been doing that with Bert Kreischer.
That's why he lost a little bit.
Way. That's why he lost a little bit of weight. That's true.
Amazing. If your food just dropped into an escape room and they were just like, you got to just get out of here and then you can have your chicken for bandit.
Wait, what?
OK, next question.
This is a this is a doozy.
What causes a dull pain at the base of the spine?
What causes a dull pain at the base of the spine? Imagine writing the paper.
Wow. This is like their WebMD.
About a year ago, I strained my back about six inches above the end of the spine while diving.
It's tremendous. Is it's, this guy even, I mean, I'm,
I'm a, right now that means swimming pool,
but back then.
I, it's exactly what I, I think danger.
It was a danger dive.
There was imminent danger.
Diving into a pile of hay?
What are we diving into a pile of hay a swimming hole or a like a pile of
maybe like a scrapped farm equipment yeah or it was like at the fairs coin
pile or something answer I would advise you to have a careful examination made by a competent doctor. Perhaps you have injured your spine
great advice
Great conclusion obviously is that thinking it might be a spine and well, what's the point of writing into the paper?
Should we have heard something like that attached to the end of the first query where the baby keeps?
barfing milk?
Yeah, you think so. You think so.
Are there more? No, that's it. That's him.
I didn't know this paper was for the one rich guy in town that knew a doctor.
I could do with 30 more of those questions.
I know. Right.
Matt gets bleeding down the outside part.
What do you reckon I should do?
Hey, my eye came out.
Is that a problem with my eye maybe?
I got trampled by a bull.
Why's my head hurt?
About a year ago, a bull stepped on my head.
My wife is a gray color.
She don't move. She ain't breathing and she's going all gray.
Let's see.
New York City ironworkers finished work on a gigantic building to house the Equitable
Trust Company.
And the president of the company drove the last rivet.
It was a golden rivet and will be advertised all over the world the
Gold the rivet was driven very gently
Means nothing in the building has nothing to do with holding it together
The strength comes from the common rivets that common ironworkers drive in with air guns at risk of their lives
The driving of that golden rivet
represents life
So they so we have so they've basically The driving of that golden rivet represents life.
So they basically, they're living under a rivet system
that we have, it's just the,
we've analogized America with rivets.
Yeah, that's right.
That golden rivet has long been stolen.
Oh God.
It's in China.
What was the name of the building again?
It sounds like
The Equitable Trust Company.
The Equitable Trust.
Yeah.
Yeah, those are two words for it.
That's in New York?
Yes.
Yeah, that's in New York.
I'm sure it's gone now, right?
Yeah, that rivet has long been melted down
and worn on the pinkies of generations of mobsters.
Yes.
That is that is no longer.
Oh, it looks like it might still be there.
Oh, no, here it is being torn down.
It's a big building.
The story of the golden rivet.
That's. Oh, you couldn't tell her that.
And you ever hear that?
No, no, my brain is full of too much fantasy.
I remember when none of the rivets were gold.
Oh, no.
One time a mole emerged from a hole.
That was 30 odd years ago. All this talk about rivets.
Think about the history.
Think about before rivets.
I have no room in my brain for the
rivet, for it is full of only the most
exciting tales from this dirt road.
That wood splintered.
All right, ma'am, I really gotta get back to the paper, and I appreciate everything, and the tour is so nice, and I really do-
I heard a frog ribbiting a while ago, but never found him.
Yeah, well, he's out there, and-
You think?
Yeah, I think he's out there.
Oh, I'll need my own page with this tale.
I think people should hear about it.
And I'll put it in, I'll make a mention of the frog
and the history that you know and appreciate your...
I've never seen a paper before.
You're a special lady.
Thank you, man, for your time.
You're welcome. Thank you for your time.
I'm going to leave this pistol on the table here.
Oh boy.
And loaded.
I'll come back and get it next year.
I don't know. Oh dear.
Can't wait to see you next year. Just me and my new friend.
It'll be a long time just you and that pistol, but I will be back eventually.
Okay.
Gareth, this is a little news from your part of the world.
Well, this will be in English,
because otherwise it'd include night.
That's right.
In England, the eclipse put out the sun,
changing day to night,
and everybody knew it was only make believe night.
Nobody feared that the devil was eating the sun.
All right. So wait a second.
Wait a second. So I did guess an eclipse.
You did. That's right. You did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
All right. So this headline works in a couple of ways.
But why don't we just get to the entree?
So there were times where people thought that the devil in England
thought that the devil was eating the sun and that's what's going on. Yeah.
And you're probably going back to that. Yeah.
Well, it's very simple event.
It happens once every 15, forty years, you know.
The devil raises his ugly head and eats the sun.
How else would it be night time during the day, mister?
It makes sense!
And that's the best time for us to go out, otherwise we'll get burned.
Governor, it's the work of the spirits.
Oh gosh, the devil's eating the sun again.
Clearly, sun gone forever.
Nevertheless, when the eclipse passed and the sun came shining out once more, the crowds cheered.
They were glad to have Mother Nature stop playing bear.
And to be rid of their eyeballs because they
watched the entire thing in real time. So confused. Wow that is that's really dumb for 1927. That is
really dumb for 1927. The bear's playing, the sun's playing bear again. Yeah we've
we've seen eclipses by at that. It's been documented. I feel like they were
able to predict them by then probably. Yeah it was written on caves right? I mean eclipses are
those are that's regular human. Yeah and yet they're still like we're very proud of the
evolution of our thinking we now no longer believe the devil's eating the sun. It's just playing bear.
I no longer believe the devil's eating the sun. It's just playing bear.
Please don't take it away from me, Gov'nor.
I like it when the spirits eat the big ball of fire.
I'd love to take the 89 year old bear.
I remember when the sun was bright in the sky.
One day.
Here's a, here's just a poem to the flag. You want to hear?
Oh yeah.
So Toby Keith was alive back then?
Yeah, let's get to the arts and leisure section.
Oh fuck.
Here's to the red of it.
There's not a thread of it.
No, not a shred of it.
From foot to head. But heroes bled for it,
faced steel and lead for it.
Precious blood shed for it, bathing it red.
Truly.
Here's to the white of it, thrilled by the sight of it.
Who knows the right of it, but feels the might of it.
Okay, look.
Literally could be Toby Keith lyrics.
Ha ha ha. Or DMX, I mean, it was. It would also Toby Keith lyrics. Or DMX.
I mean, it was-
It would also be-
That sounded hard as fuck.
That was hard as fuck, I'm going to go ahead and say.
Does it go further, Dave?
Does it get into the blue?
Oh yeah, it'll go to the blue.
Here's to the blue of it.
Womanhood's care of it, made manhood dare for it, purity prayer for it keeps it so white.
Here's to the blue of it, beauteous view of it,
heavenly hue of it, star-spangled dew of it,
constant and true, state stand supreme for it.
Jesus.
Diadems gleam for it, liberties beam for it,
brightens the blue.
Here's to the whole of it!
The whole of it?
The place where I can come in it!
Star stripes and pole of it!
Body and soul of it!
The goal of it!
Carry it through home or abroad for it!
Unsheath the sword for it!
Fight in accord for it!
Red, white, and blue!
Oh, wow. What do you think this guy would have done if the word it
didn't exist it would be much tougher time a reminder that the print the
Great Depression is about to hit in two years that was painful that shouldn't be
allowed I'll suck your dick for soup I I'll eat your ass with your poop.
I'll do anything to find a whole loop. I need my family needs money.
Oh man.
The fellow who shakes hands with you with a rock crusher grip probably isn't that glad to see you.
This is, huh?
That's like it's like a like a maxim equivalency, like where you're like,
am I why am I going to read this? OK.
Yeah, it's like this is like you'd see this on Twitter and be like, no, won't click it.
This is a this is a throwback call out of toxic masculinity.
It really is. This is this is is a throwback call out of toxic masculinity. It really is.
This is this is pretty fucking woke.
Yeah. Yeah.
On the heels of that, that super patriotism.
Right. Well, it's also a great way to stop the hard handshake
because it is annoying.
You're just being like, yeah, they're dicks.
Yeah. That guy clearly had just shagging someone's hand who crushed it.
And he's like, yeah, this guy fucked up.
Oh, yeah. This is just about his neighbor.
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I work for the paper and this will not fly.
You better read tomorrow's edition, Larry.
There might be something you want to read.
You've made me feel small in front of my wife for the last time.
want to read. You've made me feel small in front of my wife for the last time.
Girls of the world over like our blouse, a American flappers.
Girls of the world. Oh, over like not so they like them too much. Over like.
Oh, oh, our flapper over like.
I thought this was about that comedy.
Burbank. Oh, like,
yeah, it was like we could we could do so much better with a word.
Yeah. In place of over like over like,
well, well, none of us can think of one.
Love. Adore,
adore, enamored?
Romanticize?
Romanticize, yes.
Romanticize, yes.
Romanticize?
Romanticize?
Adolescents, the whole world over,
have been bitten by the American flapper chic bug,
according to Stanley Hugh.
A guy.
I've been talking to young women for a month.
I went to Europe and talked to 13 year olds for a while
to figure out what's up.
Stanley Hugh, who's just completed a globe circling tour
under the auspices of the Methodist book concern.
Well, now that I have no idea that's they're not going to go into that at all. We're supposed to know what that is. The Methodist book concern. Well, now that, I have no idea. They're not going to go into that at all.
We're supposed to know what that is, the Methodist book
concern.
There's concern.
And now I understand the word over.
He's trying to make this a real plague of a situation.
But still, I think you're right.
Womanhood to an infectious disease.
Well, it's Methodist.
Whenever I went wherever I went, India, Africa, China, Malaysia,
I found groups of girls who were regular American flappers.
Their native dress and retiring ways were absolutely forgotten,
and they proudly wore daring foreign clothes
and the latest makeup.
That is really a weird mission.
This guy went on the Methodist Publishing House is the place that publish
this, the Methodist Book of Concern.
I love the Methodist Publishing House.
Mm hmm. OK, I like a good I like it.
I like any good book of concern. Yes.
Religion attached to it.
It's how we made it this far.
Books of concern. True.
As for young young men, anywhere from the teenage to 25 or 30 years old,
what do they in the next 25 years will probably change the history
for the nonwhite races of the world?
What the fuck?
So he's saying that teenage young teenage, as for the young men,
anywhere from the teenage to 25 or 30 years old,
what they do in the next 25 years will probably change the history
for the non white races and of the world.
That is that is so much horseshit stacked on top of itself.
Yeah.
It's a lot.
I don't know if it's more dumb or self important.
I think it's that and I think it always,
I think your whole life is basically like being fed
that like don't worry, these people are gonna make everything okay for you.
And you're like, I think we're gonna go extinct.
Don't worry.
Everywhere I go, women like jewelry and clothes,
and I don't know how to feel about it,
but it's for sure gonna be the death of us.
If the white people of the earth do not learn how to cooperate with the other races, they
are soon going to come in active conflict with them.
And while we think we could lick anybody on earth, we may get a terrific surprise in that
line.
Jesus Christ.
Wow.
I'm not sure what to...
This is a lot to process.
He's right and yet so wrong.
He's this is yes.
This is damn near a manifesto. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah.
This is a book of concern.
The yellow, black and brown races far outnumber the white.
And with what they have learned about fighting and with their own
terrible courage and determination, they could probably eventually
overcome our even scientific methods of warfare.
What is he's like their AI.
Also also this scientific, the forefront of scientific warfare was air bombs.
Yeah.
Pfft.
Ha ha ha.
They might outsmart our air bombs.
They don't want to bow and scrape to the white people
and the day is fast approaching when they won't do it.
Why, this is just.
I can't get a read on this guy.
Because it's racist and also like,
like it acknowledges like,
hey, we can't treat people like this,
but then it's also like,
but only because they're gonna kill us.
Right, that's what I thought.
Right, it's from a place of fear.
He's not being like, utopia is a place
where race doesn't matter.
He's like, look, this next generation
is gonna figure it out,
because there it's gonna be bad.
It's not fear, it's concern.
Sorry.
It's good that he carved out a little more concern when he was talking to 15 year
old girls.
Yeah. Well, he covers all the aspects of culture and society and everything from high fashion
and the most well-made pump high heels shoes to you know
Racial genocide yeah, I mean I'll tell you that last part I did not think was gonna happen when he was just like the world's Gaga over flappers
There's a race war coming
Reminds me of Charlie Kirk yeah
This reminds me of Charlie Kirk. Yeah.
Old school Charlie Kirk.
Old gum mouth.
You can applaud for Trump, but are you actually gonna fucking shoot somebody at a mall for
him?
Yeah, it's weird.
I'd say of all the dipshits, Ben Shapiro, obvious dipshit, but don't sleep on the dipshittery
of Charlie Kirk.
It is really fantastic. No, anybody who has, who's,
have you ever noticed his eyes and facial features
are scrunched up in the middle of his face?
Yeah, there's a lot of area out there.
No, he is the product of a family reunion, for sure.
Yes, he is.
He is.
But not a lot of people know that he's 80% gum tissue.
If you look closely, he is mainly gums.
His funny thing about Charlie Kirk,
his brain tumor has a head growing on it.
That's a good one.
That's like I went to a fight the other night
and a hockey game broke out.
I mean, not to get sidetracked here, but that whole turning point USA, it's it's it's just
a it's like a it's like a Koch Enterprises like college Republican outreach program. And they
they they they get they huddle together at malls and act like they're the fucking they're
taking part in a revolution.
It's hilarious.
I know.
I know.
It's shocking how effective that shit is.
Like you just, you know.
Well, it speaks to the book of concerns.
Anger and, right.
It is, it is, it is actually the, that is exactly what that book of concern.
Socialism sucks is the new book of concern. Yeah. Yes.
Whiskey hunt in Estes Park like gold rush.
Oh, fuck. That makes sense. Prohibition.
Wow. This is in out of Denver.
A search for buried treasure at times as frantic as the frenzied gold rushes of the
early days, has been renewed recently in the scenic country around Estes Park, 75 miles
west of Denver.
The lure of the modern gold hunters is not of the yellow ore variety, but a golden liquid
estimated to be worth a vast fortune.
I was expecting...
Okay, so they're just saying we're just on the hunt.
What is the whiskey in bottles?
That's a good question.
Goldschlager.
Goldschlager is what came out of this.
Boy, remember the first time you saw Goldschlager?
You're like, the fuck is this?
I was like 15.
I was like, what is it?
Put it in my body.
Yeah. I was like, man, we're royalty.
Put it right in my body.
I can't believe I have access to this.
Yeah. Well, I found the only thing I'll ever be drinking.
Cinnamon.
Cinnamon with gold chunks.
I'm going to live forever.
It sounds like what a wizard drinks and have another one of those
Its existence is baffling. It is it is
It's like McGillicuddy's, but now you're rich
Spit your gold chunks in here. We'll go cash it in after we're wasted
it in after we're wasted. For nearly half a century, periodic attempts have been made to locate a cache in Estes
Park, believed to contain a huge quantity of imported Scotch whiskey, which was buried
by the late Earl of Dunraven, famous English sportsman and hunter who once owned thousands of acres of land
in what is now Estes Park. Dude, this by the way could be a rat race movie update where, I mean,
in Prohibition you find out that some old kook buried a bunch of whiskey in a park
and eight teams are gonna find it it. I mean, golden liquid.
Yeah.
There's no way this is true, right?
Dave, you reckon they ever dug it up or I'm going to be in Denver tomorrow.
I can go have a dig.
Search for the buried treasure has always resulted in failure and little hope is
expressed by old timers around.
Out there.
That the core of the uncovered map, my butt, my cousin, Bobby sniff out a bottle of booze.
Any goddamn where he's a goddamn, he ain't nothing.
He is a damn, he a damn, he a damn some truffles.
He got down.
He gone get in the bushes.
He'll find that shit.
Man.
In the movie, a guy, a guy comes into town with a little airplane
bottle yeah I found something out there the rumors is true fucking reveal the
dirt all over the bottle yeah well all right that's really well shout out to
Burns who is obsessed with rat race.
And he researches a lot of these papers and the map.
The treasure map has puke on it.
That's the big problem.
Corn is injured.
Who is corn? Corn. The band?
No, Jonathan Davis won't be able to odd scat again.
Farmers here today offered the opinion that corn in this country
has been hurt somewhat as the result of a lack of moisture
in the past week or so.
Hey, farmers, buckle up.
Everything's so dramatic.
I know, right? We don't.
Do we need rain? No.
We need to save the corn.
The corn is hurt. Hurtin. Corn's out there hurtin. I can hear it crying.
If it's dead, we're going to take it to the corner. I'm out of here.
Bye. What about your infant baby that's dying after it eats too fast?
No!
Uh-huh.
I'm focused on that's for m-women.
That's for the women's.
I'm focused on the corn.
Corn's the future.
Emotional.
The emotions, the feelings.
Think about the corn.
Prior to that time, the season was too wet.
And when the sun came back, it's Sun came well now it's too goddamn wet
When the Sun came back
Porridge
The ground was baked to such an extent as to make for slow growth
Farmers fear for the condition of the corn crop just at present, you know
You could have just said it was
dry and then it was wet and now it's too dry instead of everything that just happened.
Oh, the corn is too dry. You got to get people in. Yeah. Is the headline, corn is injured,
draw people in? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I'll be honest. I forgot the headline and that headline is unreal.
Corn is injured.
That's wild clickbait.
Yeah, that really is. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, primitive Methodists
predict gloom and horrors of next war.
Well, right. Yeah.
Accurate.
They were that time the Book of Concern was well, the concern.
It was well placed. Absolutely.
And by the way, if memory serves in that second war, we did depend
on the younger white generation to figure out the racial problems and.
No. Correct.
This is out of Leaster, England.
Gloomy prognostations of the horrors of the next war have been made at the Conference
of Primitive Methodists here.
Are they really called primitive methodists?
It's weird.
They're like caveman methodists.
A resolution was moved by Reverend Lucas're like caveman Methodists a
Resolution was moved by Reverend Lucas of Haro urging Methodist to do everything possible to prevent war and refuse to support any government
Which went to war without first submitting its case to an impartial court of arbitration?
How fucking crazy is this that's a good idea. You have to go crazy
It's crazy that this idea was crazy, and then we landed on this idea making sense, and now we're like, we can't do that.
We don't have time.
Reven Carden of Norwich, in moving an amendment that all war was a violation of Christianity,
said, quote, if you carry my amendment, you will not be casting any reflection
on the men who fought and died for their country.
Cut to Trump selling a Bible.
Unless we had war, it will end, can't read it.
In the next war, there will be no non-combatants.
You will see women and children shriveled up
by dreadful disease germs, and you will know our airmen are doing the same thing
to enemy towns.
In the next war, London will be wiped out in one night.
That's a bit...
Yeah.
And then the eclipse happened,
and everyone was like, what?
What the fuck?
Believe skeleton that of an Indian
The skeleton of a man found here last week on the banks of the Alabama River is that of an American Indian according to Peter Brenner is this the first Alabama story?
No, there were a couple remember the lady. No, no the pimp. Oh, yeah, and then the 89 year old
The other lady saw stuff right?
Yeah. And then the 89 year old. The other lady saw stuff. Yeah, right.
Is that of an American Indian, according to Peter Brennan, curator
of the Department of Archives and History, the skeleton at first
was believed to have been that of a murdered man.
Well, sounds like.
But Mr.
Brennan said, Mr.
Brennan said the perfect state of preservation of the bones
and the burial position of the body is proof that the skeleton is that of an Indian.
So they basically desecrated a grave.
Yeah. No piece from Whitey.
They fucking they took their shovels to a burial ground and were like, hmm.
Interesting dig.
Oh, my God.
More than a thousand skeletons are said to have been moved from the river
bank where the skeleton was found.
Oh my God.
We found them.
Jesus Christ.
These people have not seen the movie Poltergeist.
Why did you think it was an Indian?
Well, because all the Indians told us not to dig there, but we're like, how
do you, how do you know?
You know, I'm not saying we should experience great shame in this country's
history, but normally if you find more than two people buried next to each other,
it's probably people that white people killed because of race.
The presence of a bullet hole in the skull and the finding of a lead bullet
inside the head does not disprove the Indian theory.
Mr. Brandon said he says he has found many Indian skeletons
with bullet holes in the skulls.
They started this article like they found a dinosaur. Right? Right?
The real headline is like a fucking Native American shot in the skull.
This is a massacre.
It is a massacre.
It's a mass grave.
They found a mass grave and they're like, boy, what a dig.
We discovered the natural demise of a native.
Jesus Christ.
We discovered the remains of a man who met his ends naturally
over the course of time.
All of these Native Americans have a bullet hole in their skull.
One thing in common.
Not sure what connects this death.
Well, what better way to end an episode of the podcast than with a mass grave of Native Americans.
Nate, your website, natecraig.com.
Always on tour. In April you'll be in Europe.
Yep. Copenhagen, Rotterdam, London and Oslo.
And then I'll be in Columbus,
Indianapolis and Detroit at the end of May.
Isn't it fun when you come back to America? I've done that where I've been like,
two days ago I was in Oslo. Anyway, it's great to be here in Columbus, Ohio.
Thank God. I don't like to be away from the mall for more than four weeks
you know that i have to contend is where i was
uh... well thanks a lot of a thanks for doing this so and uh... thank you boys
appreciated as a thanks man
uh... let's uh... let's get together when you get back will celebrate our
foundation was some air bomb
i'm not really Air bomb! I'm on my way to your house.
And we are also brought to you by Airbnb. Now look, there's actually a couple times
a year when a big group of my oldest friends friends and I and they are old get together and we will rent
an Airbnb and stay in it for a few days over like a holiday weekend or something like that and it
just always makes the experience a lot better because you know we're in a home. But on the road
if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb just because it's better
I like a home over a hotel.
But recently I did start thinking, well, while I'm gone, can I turn my place into an Airbnb?
And the answer is yes.
It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated
from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road.
So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more
fun, your home might be worth more than you think, find out how, and how much, at Airbnb.ca slash host.