The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 71 - The Past Times with Lisa Curry
Episode Date: April 18, 2024Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are once again joined by comedian Lisa Curry. @olympianlisacurry on Instagram Redbubble M...erch
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And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
Now look, there's actually a couple times a year when a big group of my oldest friends
and I, and they are old, get together and we will rent an Airbnb and stay in it for
a few days over like a holiday weekend or something like that.
It just always makes the experience a lot better because, you know, we're in a home.
But on the road, if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb
just because it's better.
I like a home over a hotel.
But recently I did start thinking well while I'm gone can I turn my place into an Airbnb?
And the answer is yes.
It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated
from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road.
So whether you could
use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something more fun, your home might be worth
more than you think. Find out how and how much at airbnb.ca. I have dollop tour dates to announce
for the year 2024 of our Lord J town. We have our 10th anniversary show coming up
in Los Angeles on April 27th. Guests are Karen Kilgareff and James Adomian. And
then we are going to Australia starting on May 13th in Perth, May 16th in Sydney,
May 18th in Brisbane, May 20th in Canberra, May 22nd in Melbourne, and May 24th in Adelaide. You can get your tickets at dolloppodcast.com.
All right, everybody. Welcome to the pastimes podcast.
Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history
picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week.
Lisa Curry Lisa two time a second appearance.
Yeah, thanks for having me on again.
Got to feel good about that.
This is the ask back, which means it went pretty good.
So we're we're not playing so really feel free today.
You don't have the pressure of the first audition,
which is what we call the first appearance.
I might. If you see me walk out of frame, it's because I've just given up.
So, yeah, yeah, that's fair.
I've worked with Dave for literally 10 years.
I'm used to the walk out. Yeah, that's well.
Let's talk about your Instagram, which is Olympian Lisa Curry.
Curry's spelled like curry, the dish.
That's where people can follow you and watch your content
and get your dates and all those sort of things.
So go follow you.
And do you encourage following in real life?
Following, sure.
I just know a lot of people like to do a real life follow
as well, I know I follow someone.
You could put my address in the show notes and if somebody wants to walk my dog with
me in the morning, that'd be.
Well, it's not.
It's going to be more staring.
Yeah, we do a lot of like deep lens stuff from a van.
But we come across this on the show a lot where it was not uncommon up until the 70s
to print someone's address in the paper
when talking about them.
So you scoff.
Victims of crime, like anything.
But this could really happen.
And now you just put it on Twitter or 4chan or whatever.
Yeah, that's right.
That's on 4chan, that's correct.
Yeah, it's good, because there's a wider reach now.
You know, think big.
4chan's doing great. Yeah, I'm super into it.
OK, well, we like to guess what year this paper could be from here.
You are a lot of the guests.
I'm going to guess that this is going to be from.
I'm going to say 1831.
We haven't gone super deep lately, so shut up.
Sorry, that just came out.
I shouldn't have said that. OK, 1910.
Just Lisa obviously wins.
Garrett, you are just coming to Garrett's, because that would be really weird,
to be quite honest with you.
Garrett, you're way off.
It's 1944. Sorry, Greg.
Don't you can't. That's the one name you can't use.
Yeah, that is. There have been times I've been doing bits and
I'm like Greg.
Characters no longer named Greg.
He changes his name in the bit now.
The nameless character.
1945.
Okay, so we're in the war.
Yes. And I think 1944.
We're in the middle of the war. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, it's going to end pretty quick.
But it's Edward.
Thanks to the good guys. Go ahead.
Yes. The good guys.
Edwardsville, Illinois, home of the.
Thing links. Thing links.
Best links.
Somebody lives.
Yeah, I'm sure they are.
I'm sure someone's excited about it.
So that that is probably going to Dairy Queen.
Yeah, I'll I would bet my hand on the fact that there is a Dairy Queen there.
Your hand. Yeah.
OK, this is a bet.
Let's go. This is an official that pinkies weird.
What is that?
I jumped out of a window once and my pinky broke,
and then I just popped it back into place out of instinct.
And that was the end of the medical attention.
I never saw.
So, you know, when you don't have health care in America,
you got to do your own hand at times.
It's so fun.
Yesterday, I I paid a thousand dollars
worth of just bills, even though I have health insurance.
It's great.
Yeah, it's a part of the it's part of the how great the system is here in America.
OK. All right.
And go army studying most commonplace.
Men are wounded in war.
What do you think?
What are you thinking, Gareth?
Someone funded this stud, I could have anecdotally on the street answered this.
What would you say anecdotally on the street?
Most men in the arm, the men in the army get injured in war.
Typically. Yeah, you'd hope so.
I mean, not hope. So that's the wrong word.
Right. It's on record.
It's on record. We all heard it.
Dave's going to change his Twitter to quiet part out loud.
Although it would be funny if if like they're getting injured
even more at home somehow.
Like their wives are just beating the living shit out of them.
Or just, you know, please send me overseas.
God, tell me to the tell me the front.
This might have been surprising because I eventually Gomer Pyle comes on the air.
And that's essentially about a man who's not fit for the armed services.
And, you know, maybe that's how we that was how we picture the Army.
Go ahead, everybody else.
Is that really is that what that I've never seen it?
Is that what that shows about?
Gover Pyle used to be on it like 3 a.m.
And when I was in high school and had trouble sleeping, I would watch Gover Pyle.
And it essentially was about a sergeant who was like, Jesus, I'm going to kill that.
It was like the Gilligan and the skipper in the armed forces.
I'm sorry.
I'm totally distracted by a teenage boy who couldn't sleep.
What in the fuck is wrong with you?
Teenage boys sleep like 12 hours a day.
They're like bears.
That's right.
I became I was I discovered Anderson Cooper because he used to do the news at like 4 a.m.
and I'd be like, I like I like this guy.
And I stand by that still. He's 4 a.m. and I'd be like, I like I like this guy. And I stand by that still.
He's still a good.
You're sleeping.
You're sleeping what?
Six a.m. to eight a.m. or what?
Yeah, right.
It would be actually some version of like five a.m. to like seven a.m.
a lot of time.
I should I should point out that I was snorting a lot of Ritalin.
That was not mine.
I have to assume two hours of sleep at night you did not graduate high school.
Well have you heard of the word barely?
He's a barely grad.
Okay to ascertain the body areas most likely to be hit under various battle conditions,
the army is planning an extensive study of the character of war wounds among the dead,
as well as the living casualties. So where on the body?
I'm going to say it's going to take a while. Guess head.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to say the's a biggest area, a surface area there.
Yeah, yeah. There's not.
This isn't OK.
Objectiles include possible provision of body armor for the most vulnerable spots,
better treatment of wounds and new knowledge about the relative efficiency
of various weapons. OK.
So the last one is what this is actually all about.
It's about the relative efficiency of weapons.
They're not. Yeah, it's not the relative efficiency of weapons they're not doing.
Yeah, it's not about protecting souls versus get real.
Well, I mean, I think when you watch it play out, you see that that's where the Army's thoughts have always gone.
How do we save lives versus use drugs? The bulletin of the Army's Medical Department today urged medical officers to furnish as
much data as possible on the location of wounds, types of missile involved, and terrain and
weather conditions when the wound was made.
That seems like a whole lot of research for the terrain and the weather conditions.
The weather is great.
The weather is great.
You come in and you're like,
man get shot in snow.
Yeah, on a sunny day, everyone takes a day off.
Nobody fire. Let's enjoy it.
Underlying the importance of obtaining data on wounds among the dead,
the bulletin said, quote,
as the dead were not examined, it is believed that wounds of other parts, abdomen, head and thorax
fatal to a greater degree were more frequent than appears in the records.
So that's what we said at the start. It's the head, abdomen.
It's the middle parts.
The bleeders. Yeah.
Also, you know, credit to them for admitting that soldiers have died.
Now we're just like, no, no, no.
We're winning everything.
Oh, you you heard that somebody was killed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, also for army wounds to be on a bulletin. It's a bit of.
Go ahead.
That's the end of it.
Bullets in.
Go ahead.
All right.
Yeah, Lisa.
Yes, Lisa.
No, nobody's leaving.
Everyone is staying here.
Lisa, Lisa, you're getting a small taste of the pain that I
experience.
Enjoy it.
No one's.
Going.
What do you call it?
What did they used to call it?
A bayonet in.
Probably. Oh boy.
I must get in.
Breaking. We've got to must get in.
See, and if you keep going, it helps.
It's like, oh, this is this is the mind that stayed awake at 3 a.m. When he was 15. It's this it's a it's not good
Gareth has to offer on like a USO tour
Give me that chapter I will carry a putter I will carry a putter
Have you ever done a USO tour? No, but I would go as Bob No Hope.
I did like a one off a different company, but I did one once.
I loved it.
Yeah, so I did a few.
I did a couple and I did a military base once where I did fine,
but I was with two other comics and one guy was my buddy.
And when you bomb in front of a military audience.
No.
Lisa, we're back.
Oh boy, oh no.
They start making bombing noises.
No.
So instead of being quiet, you just start to hear this.
And the whole audience started doing it.
He almost started crying.
It's like Army Apollo.
That sounds like a nightmare.
Yeah, such a nightmare.
Imagine going through anything worse in that.
Well, yeah, that's.
I actually I performed at this
an Air Force base in Jordan that was hit earlier this year. That's. I actually I performed at this
an Air Force base in Jordan that was hit earlier this year.
The one that I can't remember who. Oh, that one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. Tower. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
I was there in 2019. Just barely missed it.
Oh, man. Yeah. Close. Got out there.
Did you carry asked me to go to Fallujah and was right after the
whole Fallujah battle had happened.
And I was like, no, no, I don't think so.
See, I'd go anywhere.
They should draft comics.
There should be a comic draft to go perform in dangerous US areas.
Grandma did a documentary about doing stand up in Afghanistan.
That's pretty crazy.
Afghani gram.
You know, loss in animals highest in years.
Oh, God. Whoa.
As a dog shakes.
Yeah, dogs killed.
Dogs killed 231 animals and turkeys in 1943.
All right.
Whoa.
This is well, it's just talking about I think it's just talking about this area.
OK. Yeah, I think it's talking about the country.
231 animals and turkeys were killed last year by vicious dogs,
according to a report at the Office of County Treasurer.
Thomas Henry, where treasurer.
Well, I got to count turkey deaths.
Where are people keeping their turkeys that they're just subject to?
Kennels, wild dogs. Yeah.
Keeping them in the animal shelter.
Yeah. Well, this didn't go right.
Dog park. Oh, good Lord.
We should have seen this coming.
It's like I can't have my turkey roaming around no more.
Oh, no.
Checks will be turned over to supervisors for delivery to claimants.
Oh, right. Sorry. I forgot to finish sentence where vouchers have been prepared
for claimants. So the county is the you turn in a voucher if your animal got killed by a dog in the county.
You'll pay for it. So imagine the county pay for anything now.
That's mind blowing. You get a voucher if your animal that they had a turkey budget.
There was a turkey budget. Now you're like, I keep my kid needs insulin.
And they're like, it's tough.
Yeah. Going to need a new kid, I guess.
It's tough. Yeah.
Have you heard of the gig economy?
Yeah. That's why God gave you so much cum. Yeah.
There were 73 claims for a total of three thousand eighty nine dollars this year
and the greatest for any of the past six years.
The loss the loss of animals occurs during the greatest meat shortage
this country has ever experienced. Oh.
Trying to find the connection, it's weird that between the meat
charge and the yeah, it's like the dogs are like, we're feeling it too.
Well, the shortage because of the war, right? Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah.
You're asking people to eat. Yeah.
Yeah, we're sent.
We're sending all of our meat to the boys overseas.
Yeah. So so they can grow strong.
I lived on a my cousin's homestead for a little while during lockdown,
and I had my German shepherd there and one of my cousin's chickens got loose.
And my my dog just grabbed it and ran around with it for a while and said,
really? That chicken was like, I am never leaving the fucking coop again.
Yeah. Just grabbed it.
Her tail's wagging. She was happy.
She didn't like jerk it around or anything
Wow, that that sounds more like the Instagram videos that I see. Yes
Yes, as opposed to like when a dog gets a fake chicken. It's like kill that
Yeah
The animals were killed or seriously injured in 13 different townships
beginning in 1938 with 62 claims and losses of $2,565, they were considerable declines
for the following four years.
I don't need to read every year, but it goes all the way down to...
It'd be boring, but you could.
1,641.
In 1942, animals lost last year were 112 sheep,
two goats, six calves.
Two goats is not even worth printing.
How big are these fucking dogs though?
I know, wait, wait.
Goats are dog size.
Six calves and heifers?
What?
Five cows.
Wow.
69 hogs and 37 turkeys.
OK, must be the story of werewolf.
Yeah, it has to be.
I understand this is these are hungry carnivores in dog suits.
Yes, this is whoever
committed the black dollar.
Dahlia murder was also living in this area.
For a while.
Yes.
What the fuck?
Yeah.
I have a cow.
The dog's like, Holy shit.
He took a cow down.
This is awesome.
OK, dog taxes collected in rural districts provide funds for the payments.
My new favorite ABC show.
Yeah. I wish my dog would do my taxes.
Dog tech, your account's like, this is horrendous.
Oh, I did that. It didn't work great.
What year? Yeah, I was seriously audited.
Yeah, it's called the audit. Yeah, I know.
I am going to leave now. I am going to leave now.
Now I am going to leave at the.
I do. It's great to see you. Bye, Dave.
I do. It's great to see you.
Bye, David.
The maximum payments are horses or mules.
Fifty dollars.
Cows, seventy five hogs, twenty five sheep, fifteen turkeys, three and goats.
Fifteen.
OK, this is what's going on.
This is what's going on.
They have a they have a you could submit a form and say, my my animal is killed by dogs.
There's a meat shortage.
People are killing their animals and then saying,
hey, a dog did it.
They're eating their animals and blaming it on dogs.
You gotta prove that you have the body to some extent.
If you're the county, you know?
So yeah, you would have to kill it.
I mean, there would just be a guy just like
eating a cow's neck and being like, does that look dog?
Yeah, they look down here at the side of it out. Yeah, yeah.
Bite it. Yeah, this is crazy.
It's one way to get protein, I guess.
It's a damn Hitler.
That's the next step in the Joe Rogan universe.
The next liver king guy.
Yeah, I we have become fairly obsessed with liver king.
You know him, right? I just learned of him yesterday, so I don't like really know.
I just recently learned about him.
He's it's really something.
It's really remarkable because the whole thing was he only ate liver.
And that's how he got so jacked.
And then it was revealed that that wasn't true.
He was taking steroids.
Yeah. And now he's still thriving and doing endorsements.
And you're like, but his name shouldn't be liver king.
Yeah. People love a snake oil salesman.
I don't understand it. Yeah, we do.
The three of us are fools because we could be making a fucking fortune.
Yeah, no, we're honest
Idiots, I mean I've stolen them
Has 10,000 has 10,000 extra garters
Who's this man? It's a man. It's a woman. America's armed forces will be glad to hear that Marlene
Dietrich, film actress, left Hollywood today on her camp tour
equipped with 10,000 extra garters.
Wow. To hand out to the troops.
That is. Yeah.
Isn't it? Isn't the appeal of them is that they're attached.
They were attached to a thigh at some point.
I feel like they're fresh out of the box. Yep. Yep. Here's here's
I'll take a stab of what I don't
The exciting thing is taking them off of the thigh. Yes, but these not like starved for anything that they will be doing what I've
would only call
garter jacking
Good night everybody, I'm sorry. It's true.
It's true in the barracks together. What I'm like, whoa, man.
It may love to jerk off together. I don't understand it.
No, they don't. You know what? I don't think that's I never jerked off with other guys.
Many have many. I've heard of guys jerking like like sitting around watching porn and jerking off together, but
then it's like, well, you guys kind of want to go ahead and touch it.
Well, when I was a kid, like when I was snorting, riddling, and not sleeping, you could only
get, you could order porn, you could order spice, and it was like a six hour block, and
we would sit around and just be like,
but no penises came out, but every guy there was like,
Jesus Christ, it is like a torturous experiment.
You're just edging at 14 years old.
Yes, yes.
That was, yes.
I mean, and your penis at 14, you're like,
it doesn't, it could not be more ready for action.
So we're all just sitting there like,
yeah, yeah.
No, when you're when you're that age, you you can just
you can just get a heart on by looking at two oranges like it's crazy.
You you are watching daily battle to get a heart on at school.
And stop stop. It's relentless.
Yeah, it's relentless, especially the poor kids now.
The girls dress so hot compared to when I was at school.
They reveal a lot these days. So my well that that comes from my son. He's like he's like dad it's they're so hot. They dress so hot.
TV girls now look like grown women. It's I'm that's not that's not an invitation. Crystal Leah, if you're listening.
I'm sorry, we do not.
That man is a friend of show.
We should say friend of show.
Crystal Leah sponsor sponsored Crystal.
Yes, we actually sponsor his pageants every year.
Yeah.
Have you seen the guy who he does YouTube videos and he like breaks down comedians acting
like he just doesn't like acting like they're great and it's almost like a scientific breakdown
of jokes? He breaks he goes through crystal is and it is so fucking funny. I've seen that
destroys him. He's like, he's like, see right here he, he's repeating it so that people know that he's making a joke, which is very effective.
You can tell he's a seasoned comedian because he said it four to five times to get people laughing.
And he's laughing, which is how it is.
Yes, it's so good.
It's like that.
Chris D'Alea.
The reason, if you're wondering why we make fun of him, is because he has sex with children.
And it makes women get his initials tattooed,
but he's a friend of the show, Chris DeLisle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Friend of the show.
I always say, before we knew him,
before we knew what he was doing,
we saw him at an airport in Adelaide,
and we're both like, normally you see a comic
and just barely know or you've seen, you'd be like, hey man, what's good? Because you're in another country, and we both just like, like, normally you see a comic and just barely know or you've seen you be like, hey, man, what's good?
Because you're in another country.
And we both just went, nah, we crossed.
And we were in lounges and we would just be like, don't need to.
I also don't understand the appeal.
I a friend of mine used to work at the comedy store
and she said he would have so many women coming.
Yeah. Yes.
They had to consciously like place them in
different parts of the show room so that yes, he did next
to each other. He is one of the least men in the county of
Lafrenesia.
We want to have a back so we got a.
Yeah, I never got it.
I don't know what he when he came on the show, the paper was from 1945,
I think, and he did say not young enough.
Weird, weird way to say it, I guess. I don't know.
OK, so they're going to get 10,000 garters.
I don't know how that came around to Christalia.
The items will be tossed to soldier audiences as souvenirs of her visits.
Many are adorned with rhinestones and other costume jewelry.
So the jerk off is actually going to be hard.
But it'll be cute.
Can I get one without the rubies?
Some of them are garter jacking before they hit their hands, which is strange.
Hey, Sarge, why do these got penis cutters on them?
I'd encourage you to stop jacking off with these.
They're just the hard side of Velcro on the inside.
This one's teethed.
Jesus Christ, I walked into the shower barracks the other day and their penises. This one's teethed.
Jesus Christ, I walked into the shower barracks the other day and their penises, it's unbelievable. Ow! We can't fight.
Why'd you put all these emeralds on the garters if you knew we were going to be whacking with them?
Pile!
It's upsetting.
And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
Now look, there's actually a couple times a year when a big group of my oldest friends
and I, and they are old, get together and we will rent an Airbnb and stay in it for
a few days over like a holiday weekend or something like that.
It just always makes the experience a lot better because you know we're in a home. But on the road if I ever have the
choice between a hotel or an Airbnb I always go Airbnb just because it's
better. I like a home over a hotel. But recently I did start thinking well while
I'm gone can I turn my place into an Airbnb? And the answer is yes. It can be
as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch
generated from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road. So whether The answer is yes. It can be as easy as putting your place up and then having a little more scratch generated
from someone staying at my place while I'm on the road.
So, whether you could use a little extra money
to cover some bills or for something more fun,
your home might be worth more than you think.
Find out how and how much at airbnb.ca slash host.
From Where I Sit by Joe Marsh.
So this seems like a column sort of thing.
Cool. It's a there's a little illustration of Joe and he's
he's in a suit, but he's smoking a pipe and looking at a camera
and looking at the camera or the drawer.
He's started to draw.
He started to draw.
Yes, the artist has made the art to stare at him.
He's looking into the camera.
All right. Can we do one more?
Well, you're just looking right at me.
I'm your drawing.
I understand. I understand.
Be nice to have someone in the house every now and then.
Just look at me.
Lem Martin's dog went on a rampage last week, killed four of Ed Carey's best hens.
What's going on in this town?
This is just a gossip column now.
How small is this town?
I think Lisa's on to something with the werewolf.
This is really becoming a bit.
They're like these dogs.
Naturally, Ed was pretty mad.
He went around vowing he was going to get his shotgun
and blow the blazes at a lamb's dog when he saw it.
No, no, no.
This is this is a small town.
Yeah, this is small town justice.
This is how we do it.
Dave, I don't think you said, yeah, like you're echoing our response.
The guy, not the dog.
Yeah, you should eat the man.
Eat this is the perfect time to be eating man.
Support the troops. Eat a man.
And Lem says, quote, let him try it and I'll blow the blazes out of him.
I keep his chickens locked up anyhow.
OK, so here's a problem.
Here's a problem with the town is that no one has fenced in their dogs
or cooped up their chickens.
Everything just seems to be running free.
The it might be why there's so many animals getting killed.
As usual, Dave pro incarceration.
This is the idea of America trying to get back to no.
Yeah, this is. But this really is like running amok in my head.
I'm like, that's what it should be.
But then it's like, well, the dogs killed every other animal.
Wait, what? But oh, no.
And Ed and Lam are really mighty sensible fellows.
And the whole thing was settled when Lam invited Ed over for a glass of beer.
And they sat around chatting over the quarrel as if it were a kind of joke.
Shucks!
Okay.
Shucks!
What?
All's well that ends well, I guess.
I sort of get why we were like, we are the best country in this era.
It makes more sense to me that like we're letting dogs roam free.
They're killing animals.
People think we're kicking Hitler's ass.
And then you got a problem.
You're like, how about a mug of beer?
That's right. That really should be.
That was it. Yeah.
Is it possible for two men to fight over a mug of beer?
Yes. Yes.
Get drunk and it'll work itself out. Was kind of our philosophy.
Shucks, says Ed, them hens didn't amount to much anyhow.
And Lem says just the same.
I'd bring it.
I'm bringing you a barrel of apples to pay for them.
We'll see.
That's listen, this is the kind of news I want to be reading.
Yes.
This is a paper. This is the kind of news I want to be reading. Yes. This is a paper.
This is a paper.
Someone someone was out on the beat.
They're going door to door for stories.
And Lem's like, have I got a story for you?
Oh, Lem, Lem, just like, finally, I found my winner.
From where I sit, it would be a lot better.
By the way, this is has to end every column, as we know, in the editorial.
Yeah, that's right.
But where I see it from where I said it would be a lot better
for the world, the folks would settle their arguments
piece like sitting around over a friendly glass of beer
instead of going off half cocked and making mountains out of molehills.
Signed Joe Marsh and it's signed.
You can see his signature.
Well, it's it's incredibly stupid, but it's also sweet in a way.
Yeah. He's just like, from where I sit, men shouldn't be killing other men over hands.
That's right. It's nice.
He's it's called making making a wholesome point.
Yeah.
Now, I'm still worried about what's going on in this town with the dogs.
Obviously. Yeah.
It's like there's a hand aside.
She's right.
And now we're never done.
That's the problem.
That was a good one. That was a good one.
That was a good one. I just want to say. So go ahead, Dave.
Thief leaves his shoes.
There you go. A thief took a top hat, new shoes, suit, suitcase,
five dollars in cash and a twenty five dollar war bond
and a silver service for twelve from the Hov of George Coons.
However, he left his old shoes, which were Coons size.
Is that wholesome?
It's a hat burglar.
It's it's so I mean, I get it.
He want he stole Coots is probably newer shoes.
And yes, it's a story, but it is also very
you figure in a town where they're reporting on an argument over chickens.
You're bound to figure out who stole your entire fucking outfit.
I agree. The shoes.
Well, like initials in it.
These are well, Graham.
It's it's you go you go down to the diner and you're like, Hey,
Bill, when did you get a top hat?
Oh, that's really what you do.
You just go find the guy who's eating pie at the counter like the Monopoly man.
Like, oh, this these rags.
Holy man like, oh, this these rags.
Also, what a weird theft. I know an arrow like, God, I take that, obviously.
Yeah, that's that's important.
Look at that. Holy shit.
All sang together.
A detachment of Marines entertained a group of natives on
Kwajalin Kwajalin Kwajalin Atoll
in the marshals by singing Pistol Packin Mama.
Oh, Christ, can you imagine being these poor?
The poor.
I mean, just imagine after everything that's gone on, you're just like,
why don't you come over and we'll just sing a song about guns?
You've done enough.
Hey, look at them. They're entertained.
Well, this is where it gets better.
No. The natives, according to a dispatch from Sergeant Gilbert Bailey of Delphi,
Indiana, a Marine Corps combat correspondent
correspondent countered with Rock of Ages.
Wait, is this the same Rock of Ages
we know as the ballad from the 80s? I'm hoping.
I'm hoping. I don't.
I hope that that was I hope that they were like,
we're going to do a remix of this song from the 40s.
I don't think it is.
It can't be. It can't be.
It isn't. It would be so good if it was.
The other words I don't like it was just rock of ages again.
I want to. Yeah, right.
I mean, it's that would be the best.
Or if they were dead and then they did Starships, we built this city.
We stole this city.
Guys, one Rock of Ages cleft for me.
Let me hide myself in the let the water and the blood from my wounded side, which float.
Good. Totally different rock.
The double cure.
Save from the wrath and make me pure.
They were like, cool.
So what is the angle of this meeting?
Hey, you guys are freaking me out and I'm a soldier.
Yeah, that sounds more like an exorcism chant.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a yeah, it's not good.
This song is fucking insane.
Yeah, that's not being sung in Congress this afternoon.
Yeah. Marjorie's got the the you count.
Marjorie's got the the Uke out.
One of the natives produced a hymn book and the rifle pack and Marines and the Himnal Toten natives
got together on onward Christian soldiers.
Well, we've destroyed a native people is what I'm reading here.
They were sitting there.
Jesus, they were like the genocide was bad.
It's a this is a United Methodist him.
So oh fuck.
So Methodist missionaries came to this atoll and yes converted
all the people and now they're now they're annoying.
So I believe is what yeah, your turn ruined.
Say I okay fair say their spirits and made them awful.
Got him heaven tickets.
Well, we've taken this at toll of human beings and made them fucking annoying.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm sorry. I know.
I know that you're a Methodist, Lisa, and I apologize.
Hardcore, actually. Yeah.
Yeah, hardcore.
It's the only way. Yep. It's the only way. Yep.
It's the only way to do it.
Five from Hollywood Colony are examined.
Five from Hollywood?
Uncle Sam today.
It's this is yeah.
Uncle Sam today put his finger on the biggest batch of Hollywood talent
ever to go through an induction station.
Red Skelton, Alan Ladd, Norris Abner-Goff of L'Homme and Abner,
Orchestra Leader Alvino Ray, and Tommy Riggs of the Tommy Riggs
and Betty Luteen, all passed their pre-induction physicals yesterday.
What?
Oh.
You got to work them out?
Well, yeah, that's...
So Riggs asked for Navy service
while the rest decided to try their hand with the army.
Date of their induction was not learned.
Lad was discharged from the Air Force four months ago because of stomach ulcers.
Oh, buddy, it's not it's not for you.
I also like that there is
there. They're joining a little late in the war effort.
It is 44. Yeah, it is.
There is. But by this point, they were probably getting a lot of shit.
Right. Yeah. I would imagine there's another strike in Hollywood.
And they're like, well, we got to find something to do. Yeah. Right.
Work is work. It's going to be a while.
By the way, if anybody has noticed a ton of celebrities
all of a sudden being in commercials, that's because of the strike.
Yeah. And also stay the fuck out of our commercials.
And also society is not going to be around too much longer.
That's right. There's also that.
And also that party.
And there's also that.
They're worried.
Skeleton, red haired movie and radio comic, tried to join the army
several months ago, but was asked by the War Department to continue
his army camp appearances and wait for the draft.
Wow. And wait for the draft.
Oh, they're oh, so they're oh, this is promote.
This is PR. So they're they're not fighting.
So they're like, we're going to get drafted at some point.
So we'll do our our induction.
It's like a show thing that they're ready to fight,
but they're waiting for the draft. OK.
Right. Yeah, I know.
Garrett just looks confused, but that's I am confused.
Face. I don't know.
At this point, it seems unimaginable that someone in,
quote unquote, Hollywood would sign up for the military.
Crazy.
I mean, I think just go on and make a living.
Seriously. I mean, back then it was they were like, Elvis, you can't.
You're too important to escape it.
Everyone.
It would be great to just have a one whole brigade of just all.
Oh, my God.
That's a great show.
Oh, that would be a good Real Housewives.
That would be so good.
Real Housewives in Iran or whatever.
Yeah, we're going.
I would watch if they went there.
I would watch.
Finally. That'd be if they went there. I would watch. Finally.
That'd be so great.
Yeah.
Such a Frankie Munoz in Iran, just like trying to find mines.
Holy shit, did I just see one of the hobbits get killed?
Sean Astin's dead.
It would be a wild in memoriam.
The following year.
The next two hours will be an in memoriam.
Old adage reversed.
The old one about the Japanese using American steel against U.S.
forces bobbed up in reverse
yesterday.
Officials at Lowry Field announced tiny parachutes to be used on pyrotechnic signals dropped
from planes, bear the once-familiar label, Made in Japan.
The parachutes were bought by the Army when America was on better terms with Tokyo.
Well, that's fun. were bought by the army when America was on better terms with Tokyo.
But that's fun.
That is fun. It's weird to see an adage taken back. Yeah.
Japs yell to hell with Babe Ruth.
Oh, boy.
You know, this is a excuse me, Japanese, not fucking Babe Ruth.
It is so clearly propaganda.
They're taking like America's favorite baseball players to be like,
though the Japs hate babe.
And all that it stands for.
You mean the drunk philanderer who died from a heart attack at 46? Yeah. Hey.
Yeah. Yeah.
What's your problem, Reynolds?
I'm just saying he is America.
It's like if a hot dog were a guy.
Listen, I love hot dogs.
That's what I'm saying.
But Babe Ruth was like he was.
Everyone was like, what are you talking about?
I mean, that 400 pound guy?
They hate him.
They hate us.
They hate us for our freedom.
This will be news to the babe, but Staff Sergeant Jamiah O'Leary, a Marine Corps combat correspondent,
reports that Japanese, evidently eager to display their English vocabulary, charged Marine lines here, shouting the strange battle cry to hell with Babe Ruth.
It's effective, too.
It's awesome. It just never happened.
But it's never, never happened. But there's no way.
There's no way.
Also, to think of them going after him versus like literally any politician.
The president. Yeah, right.
They were just like, we've got somebody being like, fuck Jennifer Aniston.
And you're like, yeah, oh, my God.
The Rock sucks.
We'd be like, you know what?
We are going to take Putin out.
That is crazy. That's Putin out. That is crazy.
That's a bridge. That's crazy.
You can't do that.
The charge was scored as an error.
30 Japanese were struck out for good.
Wow. You get it.
You get it. You got it right.
Oh, no. In New York, Babe Ruth said, I hope every Jap
that mentions my name
gets shot into hell with all the Japs anyway. Oh, my God.
Oh, they do know who is first in cell.
They know who he is.
Ruth received a tumultuous welcome when he toured Japan
in the fall of
1934 with Connie Mack and several American League stars. Four games at Tokyo drew 200,000
persons and at times he was almost mobbed as Japanese fans attempted to touch him.
I can't get over babes quote. I can't either. That's yeah, that's a that's an intense one.
Like the ramblings of a drunk man.
He was he's yeah, he's like a decanter deep
and he just like just like the papers.
That's right. That's that American spirit.
War really fucks war is so effective.
To the American mindset, it's shocking.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, we get really excited.
I mean, yeah, we get really excited.
It just feels like an amplified version of people like getting so excited
for their fucking football team or their home.
Yeah, I never understand that.
I will never I will never get it.
We leave your town.
Or, see other places. I promise you, Philly is not the best place on the planet.
And I like it.
I remember when my buddy told me that the small town
he lived in, that he'd never left,
had the best Chinese food on earth.
Philly is the best place on earth.
Yeah, on earth.
Seriously, he was like,
this place, our city has the best Chinese food on earth.
I was like, you've never left here.
China probably has better Chinese food.
If I were to guess, yeah, I think maybe.
But they got all those Chinese people making it.
So really, how good can it be?
It's a cheat. They're cheating.
Two air pilots find 700 bottles of beer.
OK, sounds like not a story.
Yeah, I was just going to say if it was me, it would not be a story. What?
No one would know stolen beer not reported.
Pilot puts on 40 pounds of ale girth.
First Lieutenant William Mackie, Tampa, Florida, and Second Lieutenant John Blake and ship of can't read that
have a paying hobby.
They have built a diving helmet from materials lying around the fighter
command base
and have acquired enough footage of rubber hose to allow them to explore the depths of nearby harbors.
Recently, the boys came up with a cache of 700 bottles of beer and they have been keeping the
barracks stocked with canned fruits, juices and other tasties.
This is just insane.
This is insane.
They made a Jacusto diving helmet.
That's right. And they
just have like turned it into a fat camp reserve.
Yeah, they they've they've they've made an invention to walk the bottom of the sea instead of like exploring.
They're they're getting food and beer like beer.
Look, it's like a fruit like they're like, hey, let's use this
to have like a 7-Eleven situation. Yeah, right.
We're going to open a bodega. Yeah.
situation, right? We're going to open a bodega. Yeah.
You imagine fighting 700 bottles of beer on the ocean floor?
Also, that sounds kind of like that.
What was that thing that contraption that all those billionaires
put themselves into? Oh, yeah.
Bloated themselves. It's like.
You mean, here, I can.
Yeah, exactly. You're making a makeshift diving helmet and you just have a hose that's connecting you.
And yet it works better.
Can you imagine getting into a vessel and the guy has a PlayStation controller?
Can you fucking imagine?
That's what I would be like, wait, what is it?
Well, how do you steer?
You'd be like, it's crazy.
Seems problematic.
I just like imploded.
He was like, are LB that's supposed to reset it?
You're like, motherfucker, this is the screen is just Donkey Kong.
And he's like, you know, but we're but we're the eight.
If I was in there, that guy would have died before. The screen is just Donkey Kong and he's like, no, but we're but we're the eight of the vehicle.
If I was in there, that guy would have died before.
I would have murdered him before the whole thing went out.
And they would have been like, I will die under here.
I'm going to kill him first.
I got to see him with a PlayStation controller.
That's because he thought he should have an Xbox 360 controller.
Right?
Yeah, obviously.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was arguing with my mom over this because she was like, well, you know, I do think it's
good for people to like innovate and like, you know, who knows what invention this could
lead to?
I'm like, we but we already have the thing, the next version of it that actually works
and doesn't explode people.
Yeah.
We're these people are going fucking backward.
It doesn't.
Yeah, we need getting these people are going fucking backward. It doesn't. Yeah.
We need them to keep going.
Just should be completely encouraged for billionaires to get do that.
Try to land on the sun.
You can do it, rich man.
Ah, if only.
How do they do it?
Cargo nets sometimes break.
Crates slip off barges.
The boys have their own private information service.
We've been hoping to find a Jeep, the pilot said,
but no one is obliging enough to let one slip overboard.
What a weird dream for the ocean.
And yet so possible. Yeah.
I'm hoping for a Jeep.
Hoping for a Jeep.
Robbers rub it in.
Officials of a steel company here are regretting their neglect
in fixing a window which was broken about two months ago when thieves entered the office.
The robbers failed to obtain any money on the first trip,
but they returned to the office again one night recently after taking
$132 from the fire might be yeah, I think it's on $30 from the filing cabinet
They left a typewritten note saying we broke the window some time ago. Thanks for the trip back. Oh, that's great. Yeah
Rub. Yeah, so great
Rub. Yeah, so great. You got to know America was just a you could just get free shit easier back then.
Yeah. I mean, you're getting top hats.
Sea beer. Yep.
It's awesome. Yeah, this is yeah, this is great.
And just leaving like a cute little note.
Oh, that's the best. Just be like, hey, dumb fuck.
Stupid. Hey, stupid.
They resolved it over a beer. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, Hey, dumb fuck. Stupid. Hey, stupid.
They resolved it over a beer.
Yeah. Yeah. They're like, we're sorry.
All was forgiven. Yeah.
That's our bad.
Coasting rock of ages.
No, I'll cry again. Come on.
It makes me sad.
No, it shouldn't. There's great lyrics in it.
It makes me feel weird.
Like nothing in my hand I bring simply to the cross.
I cling and naked come to the for dress helpless.
Look at the for grace that foul eye to the fountain fly.
Wash me, Savior, or I die.
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
Now, rock of ages.
Coast doctor happy, he's a horse trader.
If you're worried, bored or just tired of it all, Dr. Robert Gorham, Monrovia physician has a cure and it doesn't come in pill form.
Dr. Gorham recommends the good old custom of horse trading.
Huh? Good.
That's a good doctor.
My doctor does that a lot.
Yeah. My shoulder hurts.
He's like, oh, yeah.
He's tried trading a horse.
Just like pills.
No, this is well, the sad thing is American medicine
or the our medical system hasn't really improved past that. No, not is well, the sad thing is American medicine or the our
medical system hasn't really improved past that.
No, not at all.
I'm going to write you a prescription for cock fighting.
What?
You ever tried getting a dog into the Westminster dog show?
I need an ACL surgery.
What are you thought about getting an aquarium?
The doctor started swapping when he was a young man
working in Long Beach, California, a boatbuilding shop.
A relative gave him an old rowboat and he traded it for another and another.
And after three years, had himself a 34 foot yacht
that brought him fifteen hundred dollars.
It's just a better time.
This is just absolute fucking nonsense.
It's kind of like the old timey version of flipping houses.
Yeah, yeah, kind of.
It's true. Flipping vessel trading one.
Yeah, actually, I mean, that's not a bad idea.
Let me see. But what he's saying is
he's saying that you're the whole idea is to just go, hey,
can I trade my worst boat for your better boat?
And there's some idiot on every dock like that sounds fair.
In another series of deals, he traded a bulldog
for a five acre chicken ranch in Arizona.
OK, well, this is just he's finding morons.
That's really the key is to find idiots.
That guy was like, Yeah, you know what?
I don't need this land.
I'll have a dog.
Yeah. And then swapped the ranch for an airplane, which he sold for $480.
Hey, Mr. I'll trade you a goldfish for your hot air balloon. OK.
He never even saw the ranch or the plane.
What? That's a big detail. Yeah.
I got a plane.
Once he traded a base clarinet for an iguana,
a huge lizard native of the Galapagos Islands.
This guy is what is going on.
He's he's now become a hero.
This man now is the best without question.
This guy's just out there like look trade.
He hard agree with you.
Also, I need to know more about this process.
Is this a door to door thing?
I want to know how do I get started?
Yes. Yeah.
You know, great question.
Doors is a dream, obviously. Yeah.
Hey, what do you have that stupid?
I got to say that's a little less stupid.
An iguana in a base clarinet don't even make see.
You can't play the.
That knowing that trade like
base clarinet, huh?
Hmm. Pretty good.
I can play that. Well, I do love my iguana.
All right. Let's do it.
And he's like, fuck it, hey.
Now I'm trying to play this iguana and every time I blow in its face,
no noise.
Hey, I'll give you a banjo for your spine.
Sounds pretty good.
You can feel your teeth.
You get my fingernails.
I don't hate it.
It's something to do.
This is the level of boredom.
It's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah.
Imagine if a guy came to your door and was like, look,
I'll give you these shoes for two pillows.
Yeah. Wow. That's pretty good.
Well, I know. First of all, who are you? Second of all, I like it.
Can I trade you this can for a dog?
If you took a kid and said it was a scavenger hunt.
Now I'm really thinking this through.
I'm going to try to borrow someone's child maybe and just go to court and say,
we're doing a scavenger hunt sort of thing.
It's for a sleepover.
I think you'll find more luck trying to trade
to get the kid versus draw.
Cause I know if someone came to the door with a kid,
I'd be like, absolutely not.
But if someone was like, I'll take your kid and.
The kid is cover for why I an adult am going.
Oh, okay, great, great.
But don't be afraid to swap the kid out
if someone's like, you know.
Now that I think about it, you'll be at Delia's.
He's like, I like it.
I'm like, she's only 10.
Friend of show, Chris Delia.
Friend of show, Chris Delia.
But he'd be like, that's fine.
I grew him early.
Friend of show.
Chris Delia, friend of show.
Excited to have him back.
Crystal and a show excited to have him back.
He's over. He's over on Roblox DMing.
Low spot in his trading was the time he traded for a herd of 42 Shetland
ponies and had to give them away when the bottom dropped out of the Shetland
pony market.
That is truly the craziest.
I'm not kidding.
Top five craziest things you've said on this podcast.
I didn't recognize it was a bubble.
The bottom dropped out.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Oh, Shetland ponies.
And besides all these, he almost completely furnished his home with swaps.
Well, wow.
The house that he swapped to.
God, this guy is you get my wife.
I'll take your house. I like it.
Well, that that was brilliant.
Well, it's a great way to end it. Olympian Lisa
Curry on Instagram. You have another podcast to go to. I
don't want to peel the curtain back too much. It hurts. It
stings. But this is the business. This is the business
we're in. You've traded this one for another one. Go see Lisa
go and stand up. Go see Lisa, go and stand up. Yeah, go support Lisa, follow
at Olympian Lisa Curry. Thank you as always, Lisa. Yeah, thanks for having me. I'd say good luck on your
next podcast, but we don't mean that. We don't at all. We don't have shows and we declare war on them.
Yeah, we hate them. Yeah. You know who loves doing this show and getting out of the house?
Friend of the show, Chris DeLis. And we are also brought to you by Airbnb.
Now look, there's actually a couple times a year when a big group of my oldest friends
and I, and they are old, get together and we will rent an Airbnb and stay in it for
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It just always makes the experience a lot better because, you know, we're in a home.
But on the road, if I ever have the choice between a hotel or an Airbnb, I always go
Airbnb just because it's better. I like a home over a hotel. But recently I
did start thinking, well while I'm gone can I turn my place into an Airbnb? And the answer
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