The Joe Rogan Experience - #2146 - Deric Poston
Episode Date: May 7, 2024Deric Poston is a stand-up comic and host of "The Solid Show" podcast alongside Ehsan Ahmad. www.dericposton.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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The Joe Rogan Experience
Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day!
Gary! My brother! My man!
Let's go! Joe Rogan!
Bro, we've had a million conversations like this in the green room.
We've already done like a thousand podcasts.
This is my every night right here. We need a fucking studio in that club. Well, you know, we need to put a podcast studio in that club
I've been thinking about it, but like we don't have the space for it. Yeah, where would it go? It wouldn't go anywhere
There's no place. There's no we have we used it. It's like very efficient. We have all the space
Yeah, but I think what we need is a apartment
We need an apartment close
So we could just go right over go right over like go apartment
That's just set up as a studio when you get in there. It's just all studio that would be nice
Yeah, yeah, cuz there's so many apartments that are available in that area, right?
Yeah, Jamie just got one. Let's go Jamie next door, so I don't have a neighbor. Oh, that's not a bad idea
How far away you from my club?
Two blocks. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo windows, see the city. I was gonna do that in downtown LA. Really? Yeah, but then I went to downtown LA.
I'm like, oh my god. And I brought my family and I brought my daughters when they were
young. And I was like, oh my god, am I gonna have to kill somebody?
Yeah. It was crazy. This is pre-pandemic, man.
This is before the shit hit the fan. I'm like, people were just pissing all over the place.
It smelled terrible. There was some really good donut place
that's in downtown LA.
So we were like, let's go get some donuts,
let's get crazy, let's just go find.
So we wound up going to the one in Pasadena,
or Glendale, there's one somewhere else,
there's one somewhere else that's also like that.
And we went to Silver Lake, it was a lot of hippies
Total opposite I'm gonna take hippies all day
I'll take like, you know woke people with fucking green hair all day over. I am let us
Bro full on I imagine full on I am legend. Yeah. Yeah to go down there get a donut
Those it's worth it it LA donuts are the best
It's not even fucking close really I think so kind of like a New York bagel
It's something about certain breads
I feel like in certain places that hit different bro when crispy creams coming out of the dump right out of the oven
It's hard to fuck with anything else nothing but those glazed ones a maple glazed when they come in right out. Oh
Joe so good so good you fucked me up though. I haven't had bread Joe. I haven't really had bread and they're coming right out. Oh. So good. So good.
You fucked me up though.
I haven't had bread, Joe.
I haven't really had bread.
Maybe twice since we did the carnival.
Maybe twice.
Good.
Every now and then it's okay.
Every now and then it's okay.
The real problem is when it becomes a part of your diet.
When it's a normal part of your diet.
When I eat a piece of pizza, my body's like,
yo, what are you doing?
Like, relax, we're having a drink have a pizza
And then I don't eat for a while. Let it clear out of my system
Then I go back to eat and clean but if you have that as a normal part of your life
It's just like all these things compound right you know you
Smoked too many blunts that compounds you you You eat too much bad food, that compounds.
Look at that, right out of the oven.
Jamie, what are you doing?
Did you post this?
Yeah, a long time ago.
Oh my God, look at that.
At the time of creation.
That is just diabetes in food form.
It just makes me wanna feel sick.
I'll take that temporary mouth pleasure
for hours of feeling like dog shit.
Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, Joe, oh it feels so good. Yeah, the bread thing Joe. This was the first time in my life I hadn't had hot Cheetos
Every day
Would you prefer hot Cheetos over Takis?
Takis I'm a
That's the black in me. I think cuz I'm a hot cheetah Mexicans love the talk
They love the time. I really like them crunchy Cheetos some little tinier ones the more crunchy ones
Yeah, that's what those called. Just to me those are the regulars and then you got the puffs
I'll fuck with a puff. Oh, I thought I when I think of Cheetos. I always think of puffs
Interesting. I think of the ones you're thinking of the little ones that are like harder. Yeah. Yeah. I like those
Yeah, I've had them every day of my life Joe until you said hey, let's do the carnivore diet
33 that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. You should be you know, Fritos those little corn chips
Yeah, we use those to start a fire in Alaska
We were camping
Yeah, what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
One of the dudes that works for my friend Steve Rinella told us that they're very flammable
I'm like really and so we use that to start a fire. We were in Prince Edwards Island, which is
Prince of Wales Island, which one Prince Edwards, which one which one's the one in Alaska?
Prince Edwards Prince of Wales. What is that? I don't even know if that's a real place Prince Edwards right oh what's the one in Alaska what is the one that's in
Alaska it's not Prince Edwards Island really fuck I can't remember the island
anyway the island in a lot. Well,
Google because it's one of the most rainy places on earth. Brian Callan and I did a
TV show from there with with with mediator but it rained for seven, eight days, whatever
the fuck we're there for. Rain every day. All day. What's a Prince of Wales? Okay, it's
Prince of Wales. It rained every day. And one day it didn't rain for like 10 hours. We're like, dude
we're gonna start a fucking fire. We're gonna figure out how to start a fire. And
so we got like sticks and shit like that's under everything else. So
everything got rained on. Oh, is there a video of it? Yeah, cuz we didn't film us doing this but Fritos are so covered in
life-stealing oil
So they act like a fire starter man. Look at this
They're great fire starters
Like if you want to barbecue and you know, you don't want to go by you ever seen those things tumbleweeds
You know what a tumbleweed is? No, sir
tumbleweeds are these little it's like little shaved pieces of wood that's like bundled up together and they
must be soaked in some kind of flammable liquid but if you want to start like a
grill you put one of those bitches down then you put some sticks around that and
light that little tumbleweed and whoo you're good to go. Yeah, and then you start stacking logs. Oh
Yeah, but um you use Fritos instead
I won't be as flammable, but that shit can't be good, and I'm eating that shit
What are those those chilies where people additos, they add Fritos to the chili.
People do that all the time.
Yeah, I like that.
I like the crunch.
A little crunch is good.
Just full experience, right?
A little of the tangy, the spicy, little cheese in there.
Yo, how the fuck are you not fat, dog?
You got it in you.
You're supposed to be fat as shit.
God, it's just discipline.
I get fat. I'm pretty lean right now. Now I'm under 200 which is rare.
Wow.
I'm like 197 which is nice. But I've just been real clean on the diet the last few weeks.
The last few weeks I just started getting a little fat. I started feeling a little bit of this and I started getting paranoid.
My gut started sticking out. I would get it straight to the gut.
Because I have pretty thick abs too. Yeah. So any fat that goes on top of this shit right here. It's a barrel
Yeah, it gets gross and it pokes out right here. Yeah, and just starts looking gross
I just see weakness
In the mirror much you weak bitch you weak bitch
You can't you can't stop eating spaghetti. I eat so much food bro. Yeah, I eat so much food
It's crazy how much I eat I eat. I'm a glutton like a real glutton man. I've seen you put it down brother
I'll eat I'll eat two pizzas. I'll eat two pieces. I'll eat that whole pizza. There's another one right there
It's warm. Is it warm? I'll just go right in on that piece. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry
It's just gluttony
I've seen you take down so many golden tiger burgers when you get good brother one time we went out I four of them I
four double cheeseburgers
Gordon Ryan was freaking out
Gordon Ryan was with his like how the fuck are you eating? I'm like dude when I get going
I'm going the wolf comes out. Oh, yeah, the wolf just wants
The wolf just wants to keep eating
Gotta keep that motherfucker in his cage. Yeah, you can go bro. We start that's my favorite Joe when Joe starts drinking in the green room When Joe starts drinking
Oh you get going baby
We start talking shit. Oh, it's the best you start dancing. Oh, bro. It's over. Who has more fun than us?
Who has more fun than us Who has more fun than us?
Nobody bro. Come on dancing. We're dancing like all the time. No, no self-consciousness. Everybody's just having a good time
Oh, it's my favorite. It's the best place in the world. Oh the music's going
Oh, the tunes are going and everybody's going up
It's just and you're coming in from a set and like and you're coming everybody's already dancing and shitting on, you know
Brian for saying something crazy
You're dying like this is the best night of my life, I love him Brian comes off stage and he walks in the movie goes
Good you know, we just laid it down. Oh my god
Bro when he was doing that WAP bit when he was when he really tightened up that bit when it was just a that bit was just
Assassination yeah, that was bit that bit was one of those bits where I would go out there and just sit and watch it
I watched it like
Yeah, I just want to see that bit it was I would ask him you gonna close it what?
He wouldn't even always calls with I wouldn't he goes. It's like 11 minutes long. I like please
It would be his whole I wouldn't it's like 11 minutes long It's so good, it's like that's such a quintessential Brian Simpson bit. Yeah, because it's clever
It's it's ridiculous
It's like he it's historical. He talks about him like it gives you real facts
Yeah, it's so smart and it's about what and it's full circle
Science involves he explains like times like how you multiply shit
Such such a good bit there's certain bits where you hear the big
Yeah, it's such a good bit. There's certain bits where you hear the big
Like Shane Gillis's Navy SEAL bit god damn that's a good bit
You know my favorite of his bits though. I think is the George Washington bit for that very reason Yeah, the teeth bro. Well, it's also cuz it's interesting and it's hilarious and you know, like that's a bit that took some time
That's not a bit that you the first time you do it on stage you get that product
Yes, you know like Tony has a few jokes that the very first time he does them on stage they murder and it's done
Yeah, it's done. But like that that Shane's bit about George Washington is a lot. That's a long bit
That's a tap it is complex. There's a lot of twists and turns
It's so cool That's a long bit, man. That bit is complex. There's a lot of twists and turns. Yeah, bro. The angles he takes.
It's so cool.
It's so cool.
But with Brian Joe, you know, I started with Brian.
He was that.
What you're seeing now, he was that.
I met him, Joe, and he was that, bro.
It was the coolest thing to be around that guy, because I think he's just the greatest,
one of the greatest minds ever. I'm lucky to be one of
His best friends. That's how I feel. He's very humble too
Very very humble you know I mean until someone talks talking shit to him well, then he's gonna destroy you
Oh shit, shut you the fuck up, but
But um yeah, he's just got a unique way of looking at things and I that's the wonderful thing about comedy
I hate that word wonderful, but it just was the right word for the job.
That's the thing about you meet so many different people,
and we all have this one thing in common.
This one thing in common, we like making people laugh.
We like this thing we do, this art form.
That's it.
That's the only thing, I mean, we vary so much in so many different ways.
But we all have this like amazing bond.
Like that place is like,
it's the comedy store times, I don't know.
Yeah.
Times three, times four, something like that.
Yeah, bro, also we feel so like we were here,
the just that we were here, we all came before it opened.
We were here to feel that.
Bro, you were an early adopter.
Yo, Joe, I came to go.
When I was even sure, I was like,
shit, Terrence just moved here?
I felt like one thing though about this,
that's one of the reasons why I felt like I had to do this.
Because I knew all you guys had come out.
You guys are coming out here
when we were at Vulcan during the lockdown.
Yep, thank God for my wife, but that was her. Her call. That was my wife. She was. She saw you guys
there. It hadn't even crossed my mind yet. I was still in pandemic mind of like, we're just here.
This is what it is. And then she said it. She was like, we're going to Austin, Texas. And I was
like, what? She's like, they're up. Everybody's getting up. And I'm like, oh, and it right. I was
like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah
I'm going off to Texas and moved March 2021. It was crazy because so many people were mad at us
They're mad at us for doing shows and it's like are you out of your fucking mind?
Are you gonna just not do shows anymore? You're gonna not talk to people like what are we doing?
Like how long does this go on?
How long does this go on in LA? The answer was a year and a half year and a half time here was six weeks
They start shooting guns in the air shut the fuck up I
Saw old people with no masks on out here early on oh you feel it shut the fuck up
God, I remember when it happened. I remember what it happened
I was talking to Brendan and right when I said man
They're gonna they're gonna hold LA down for a year He said Derek, you're a fucking idiot. That would never happen
Yeah, cut to I mean, oh my god. Well, I knew it. I felt something
I didn't know if they were gonna lock it down for a year
But I knew LA was never gonna be the same because there was a new attitude about law enforcement that happened after George Floyd
Yeah, I'm like, oh this place is in. Because when they had those cop cars lit up on fire
on the, was it on the 110, is that what it was?
Yeah, and they were like on fire
and like cinder blocks and shit.
Spray painted on fire, smashed everything.
They were doing smashing grabs everywhere
and they were just letting them do it.
Like in Beverly Hills, all they were doing
was not letting people shop when it was dark out.
That was it.
So during the day or at nighttime,
everybody just smash and grabbed.
It was like, the smash and grabs on Beverly Hills
were insane.
It was everywhere.
That shit was crazy.
Crazy, crazy.
It was also people waiting for people
after they were shopping.
They were just stealing from them
after they would go shopping at the mall in Beverly Hills.
Like nice places in Beverly Hills. Nice stores
Yeah, what's Hollywood people get robbed bro? It was crazy. I was I thought that's people gonna rob
I saw there was a car full of dudes that was parked in front of this gated community and they had no license plate on
Their car and I was driving in and I remember looking at these dudes and them looking at me
I'm like these are not dudes that are up to anything good
Yeah at these dudes and them looking at me. I'm like, these are not dudes that are up to anything good. Yeah.
And they have a car with no license plate on,
and they're outside of this gated community.
And they could have been just waiting for the thing
to go up so they could sneak in behind it, you know?
Yeah.
I don't know what they were doing,
but I remember thinking, like, this is going to escalate.
You're going to get more of this.
Then I saw, I saw, I was passing by this clothing store,
and I saw these dudes smash the window and run inside.
Crazy, in Woodland Hills.
In Woodland Hills, it's like the sleepiest,
most boring-ass fucking neighborhood.
Yeah, that's like, the, it's supposed to be the nicest.
Dr. Dre has a house out there, yeah.
Yeah.
It's where Whitney lives.
You know, it's like, yeah, that's where Sh Whitney lives.
It's like, yeah, that's where Shob lives.
It's like that area is nice.
And they were smashing with it.
They lit a dumpster on fire and pushed it in front of the front door at Target.
My friend was in there.
My friend was in there.
They yelled out through the loudspeaker.
They were telling everybody, put down everything you have.
Just don't go to the cash register get out get out now and they get outside and
someone did lit a fucking dumpster on fire pushed it up against the door yeah
fuck that bro I'm so glad we got out of there Joe so when I came out here it was
like tweet tweet tweet tweet okay what is the world gone mad or it's just LA
gone mad is it parts of the world gonna it's like the scary thing about it was it was an experiment not for real like I don't think it was I
don't have like this conspiracy theory that they did it on purpose I think was
a lab leak I think really yeah it was accidental and I think they they there's
a lot of funding involved in doing these fucking coronaviruses and there's also
probably some it's probably biological weapons
research too they probably do because they definitely do create viruses and
they they work on viruses for bioweapons it's a real thing yeah like
bioweapons the real thing it's terrifying that someone would release a
weapon on a city to kill everybody because you're but that's real they really are and they and they're also China and Russia they're
all the I mean they use gas in World War one I use blue gas on brother yeah yeah I
don't watch Viva Vendetta and think that's not possible that looks real
very real very real that they would do something like that that could happen
today again it could happen again but the the point is, it's like, I don't even remember
my point. My point was like that these kind of these things when they happen, they reveal
how people react to them. And people didn't react nearly as good as I'd hoped. They they
they section themselves off in these tribes. Yeah. That was what was weird, man.
That shit broke people, Joe.
It broke people.
It broke people.
People still wear masks, Joe.
Oh my God, yeah.
It changed who people are.
They forgot that they used to not wear a mask.
You can tell.
Some comics from Moon Tower were walking down the street
and Ari saw him.
Ari saw this dude and he had a fucking giant mask on his face.
One of them really fucking form-fit ones secured down. Just broke him. Yeah, a lot of people were
like that. Broken. Just broken. But everybody got so tribal. And it also, it gave people an opportunity to be cunts.
And so there was a lot of people, in LA in particular, and some in New York as well,
they were just, they're really miserable people,
and they were looking for an opportunity
to shit on someone publicly,
because they felt like they could,
because that person was vulnerable,
because they were taking a controversial position.
You know, whether it's a controversial position, like saying I don't want to get vaccinated or was a controversial position of doing shows
live still
People were blame. I saw I saw a comic blame someone else for the death of their mother
Blame a comic that's doing shows for the death of their mother
Mom, you know like yo
Yeah, maybe it was a respirator. You know? Yeah. 80% of the people they put them on. Oh, I remember people saying that shit though, Joe. When we like, when I first
moved here, people were doing shows and people were saying that like, you're, my grandmother's
gonna die because of you. No. Your grandmother's just gonna die, man. Yeah, your grandmother's
gonna die. You're gonna die too, so am I. What are we doing? Also, the solution is not everybody stay home
for your grandmother and ruin children's lives.
That's never been the case.
Old people have always done the best that they can
to make life safe for young people.
And by locking them down and by keeping them out of school
and by making them wear masks,
you didn't make the world safer
You made it scarier. You're gonna have more people with anxiety. You could have more lost years of development
You're gonna be missing out on your education
There's nothing good about that. Nothing good about that. There's zero good about that
If you did it to protect old people, you're a fool. Yeah, you're a fool
They ruin young people's like there are people who miss their senior year junior year they didn't have it and I think about that's
like a year that you need in your life it's a memorable thing bro it became
like a child sacrifice thing like they didn't care about the children they
didn't care what was happening to them we have to protect our vulnerable it's
not gonna protect them that's not how it works it's like there's no there was no
science behind it in the age of science what the fuck is wrong with my voice today thank God I got a cough button I'm like a professional yeah we got a cough
button if you had us cough I should give that shit to Graham Hancock the other
some people just coughed but in the age of science and reason people abandoned
science to confirm their worst fears and to confirm all their weird anxieties and they
started to use this which is the reason why people believe that a mask that you could
breathe out of is going to protect you from a virus that's floating in the air or that
you're going to stop a respiratory virus by just keeping children out of school.
Shut the fuck up.
Like shut the fuck up with all this.
Or that all of a sudden the pharmaceutical drug company should be trusted. Like shut the fuck up with all this Yeah, or that all of a sudden the pharmaceutical drug company should be trusted like shut the fuck up you guys
You're not you're not being reasonable. You're just you're acting like pussies, and I'm not saying you're acting like pussies cuz kovat wasn't dangerous
Of course it was dangerous
I'm saying you're acting like pussies and you're not willing to look at the truth because you're scared that it's gonna go against this thing
That you have in your head. That's a narrative that you've been sticking to this whole time. Yes people don't like to
just also people just don't like to be like oh man I was wrong about that. Yeah.
It's okay nobody's you're not a bad person to be like man COVID came and I
kind of freaked I kind of went over went too far. You know when it gets
them is when they get vaccine injured. Chris Cuomo just came out and said he's
got a vaccine injury. That guy was pushing that shit on TV forever.
And he said he got it with his first dose and then he got it again with his second dose.
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for that cough.
I could have reached for that button. I got lazy.
I could have just reached for that button. I could have just pressed that button.
Wait, what's a vaccine injury?
Something happens when you get the COVID shot. You know, and it's not just the COVID shot.
There's people have adverse reactions to all kinds of medications, right?
But particularly to this one, this is one that the first time they ever rolled something
out to billions of people worldwide.
And some people had terrible reactions.
One of them apparently was Chris Cuomo
Yeah, people get a heart palpitations bad blood work to get clots like this there's a bunch of different confirmed side effects that happen
Myocarditis is some also there's a thing about
You're you're supposed to when you inject them
You're supposed to aspirate which means when you inject it into the muscle,
because it's intramuscular,
you're supposed to pull back the syringe
to make sure that you're not hitting a blood vessel.
And they never do that.
Even on the president.
If you watch the president get vaccinated on TV,
and I don't think he got vaccinated on TV.
What you mean, John?
I don't think they took that chance.
I think there was salt water in that thing.
Do y'all not say that?
Yeah, I don't think they-
I took that shit for real. Well what I'm saying? I don't think they-
I took that shit for real.
Well, I'm just saying on TV.
I'm sure they probably vaccinated him.
Did you have a side effect?
Oh, I was sick as a dog.
Yeah.
Wife was fine.
I was fucked up.
What did it do to you?
It felt like I got into a car wreck or something.
I was just completely sore, really sick.
I remember being crazy tired.
Just tired.
For how long?
Like two days. That's not bad.
And then it bounced right back.
But it felt like, where it was like,
oh man, Derek, you're sick, like, holy shit.
I think that's the normal reaction if it's working.
See, the problem is when you have a bad reaction.
Your body reacts to it in a negative way.
There's people that have had strokes and heart attacks
and people have died right after the shot.
And you know, no one wants to attribute it to the shot.
But a bunch of injuries they have attributed
definitely directly to the shot.
You know, they've confirmed it when it's happened.
They won't say it's zero.
They won't say it's zero.
With the quick, the real question is like how many people,
how many people are being honest about it?
How many people are even telling people about it because even though they feel like shit after they got vaccinated even though they have health problems
They told people to get vaccinated and they were there were it because so it takes like this
Big moment of bravery to sort of admit just step out and admit I got caught up in the madness of it all and
I didn't know what
the fuck I was talking about. And I was shaming people and telling people to do something.
Yeah. This is New York Times now. Now, it's interesting, because Alex Berenson wrote a
piece about this, he said it's hardcore gaslighting. And his substack, if you go to his substack,
it's very interesting. But this is in New York Times. Thousands believe COVID vaccines harm them.
Is anyone listening?
All vaccines have at least occasional side effects,
but people who say they were injured by COVID vaccines
believe their cases have been ignored.
Well, they have.
They have been ignored.
I have friends that have been ignored.
I never really hear that side of it, though.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
Well, if you're in that world, like,
I got dragged into that world,
unfortunately. I did not want to be in that world.
I did not want to be in the world of arguing with people about medical
information or medical facts or
just whatever fucking pharmaceutical drug company propaganda you got to battle
against. Like who wants to be involved in that shit? Yeah.
I just stay out of my life. I'll stay out of yours.
You can trick people into doing this every year. You do whatever you got to
do. But but once you get dragged into it, you're like, Oh, this is
kind of evil. They don't give up when I knew it was evil when
they were vaccinating kids, when they're forcing kids to get
vaccinated, because no data, I mean, none, zero said it was
dangerous for kids. All data pointed to that kids got over this very easy and that are elderly people. Yeah, my kids got it was nothing
It was nothing
It's elderly people. It's vulnerable people. It's overweight people. That was like a big percentage of the people that died
Why do they want to vaccinate like for what running they're making money off of it?
Yeah, and also to to help people feel better that are like super anxious that are worried their kids are gonna give it to them
but it's a
It was a wild time man to watch the whole world lose its fucking mind
It was a wild time and it was a perfect time for us to come out here. It's perfect perfect, so
And we were right we were right. We were right
people. We were right. We were so right. We were right. You guys are all back to normal
life now except suckier. Yeah. You guys are back in LA. You're back to normal life but
more dangerous, more crime, more sucky. Shows are nowhere near as hot. I've been there.
There's no, they are not as close to as hot as these shows in Austin, Texas Anywhere you go Joe you can in a three block span I can get up six times so what else shows all hot great lineups
That iron sharpens iron feeling watch it when I got to watch when I was at the store
Parking cars and door guy and I got to see that yeah, so that's I know that oh, this is happening here
Yeah, we set up a destination. It's a destination for comics
It's like they're gonna go visit Disneyland and everybody's welcome. So they come all the time. Yeah, and so, you know like last week
We got Colin Quinn and Krista Stefano and Shane's in there all the time and Schultz when he comes by and Dave when he's in town
It's a prize like how he made Dell
Yeah, yeah Ron whites are all the time time. It's amazing. It's amazing
We're lucky as shit man
But it's almost like the universe wanted this to happen because all the things that had to be in place for this to happen
Yeah, they're all just sort of like, you know how when you're driving and you just keep hitting green lights
Like there's lights red, but as you're pulling up like do I have to slow down? No green light, fam
Let's go. That's what it was was like like at every point we just kept hitting
green light yeah and everyone moving Shane moving it did just and now the
Philly guys here and you feel more people are moving yeah when Duncan moved
here that was big Tom was the early he was one of the earliest yeah Tom was
real early I was telling him I go dude I go it's awesome here I go people are
friendly it's like there's no traffic and we could do comedy
He's like I'm moving. That's it Thomas out here early. Yeah, he was he was there waiting for me
so that was cool to see big dogs to see like
Big dogs and big dogs who have to move like their families. Yeah, that's what I mean
So to me, that's what made it more real too cuz I'm looking at it like well
I'm a comic I have nothing more nothing to lose me and my wife have no kids
We're just kind of flying by the seat of our pants
but when you see people get up and move their families like that's a decision yeah this I
don't think he's fucking around here like I remember people saying oh he's never gonna build a club
it's like and his fucking family's here I don't think he's playing you know I was gonna do it
the right way and I wasn't talking about it I mean I was saying that's gonna happen but I wasn't
talking about it too much people you're gonna do that everyone people were telling me I was saying that's gonna happen, but I wasn't talking about it too much Everyone people were telling me I was dumb. Oh Joe. I'm not gonna say names, but you know who you fucking are
Famous comic saying he ruined. Oh man. He fucked up your career
Operates on fear.
Yeah, Bobby operates, I love Bobby to death.
Me too, that's the thing of like, man, I love you, dog.
But also, he doesn't really mean it.
He's just kind of saying it.
Like with Bobby, everything is kind of like a gag.
Like everything, even when he's like angry,
he's like, are you really angry?
He starts laughing.
Yeah, and he'll start taking on you,
and you're like, bro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everything is kind of like,
that's one of the beautiful things about Bobby.
Everything's like half a gag.
But also like the reality that he doesn't like,
you know, the anxiety of that move,
the whole thing, the fear of it.
And for you to do it, he's gonna shit on you.
Cause you did a thing that he probably should do too.
Clearly.
Yeah, I mean, I talked to him when he was out here.
And he's like, fuck.
I go, just move here.
Oh, they all say it to when he was out here
They all are like oh
You can see it on yeah, he left the club with two beautiful ladies. I was like where you going Bobby. He's like I'll be back
I'm famous here
Do it when we said that though yeah, they were scared you made a big mistake. I was like bro. You made you had Kaila We all get the fuck out my face, though
I'm so glad I did, man.
Just so glad I did, brother.
Yeah man, I'm glad you did too.
Change of, I mean that helped me meet Shultz.
I didn't know Shultz in LA.
I got here and then he was coming to San Antonio
and Tony, he hit up Tony Hinchcliffe,
thank God for Tony, and he hit up Tony,
he said hey I need a host for tonight.
And Tony said, and I'll never forget,
it's awesome that Tony said this,
and he showed me this too, he said,
Shultz I got the perfect guy for you, I think you guys will work well together. He called it, he said, and I'll never forget, it's awesome that Tony said this, and he showed me this too. He said, Schultz, I got the perfect guy for you.
I think you guys will work well together.
He called it, he said, and Tony told me,
he said, I have a feeling you guys are gonna be friends.
And now that's my brother.
Like, you know, he came to the wedding,
I went to his, like, I love that guy.
Tony is one of the unsung best guys
for like promoting talent.
You know, people don't think about Tony
when they think about that, which is kind of crazy because that's what Kill Tony is.
Yes.
He doesn't get the credit that he deserves
for starting careers.
There's a lot of guys that they started
their career with Tony.
Yeah.
And he's really good at promoting people.
He's real generous about it.
He's always talking about it.
On camera and off camera.
That's what people don't see.
They think, oh, he's doing that on Kill Tony. It's like, like no he's doing that off camera. He's doing that in the green room
He'll tell us about how someone killed in the green room about the let someone open for him somewhere, and they murdered and yeah
He'll tell you to be like Joe Joe look at this door guy or watch this door guy like I've seen him do it
You know where he does it all the time. Yeah, he Tony loves comedy. He loves it. He fucking lives it. He breathes
it. So having that guy in town too was huge. Like Tony moved real early on to you know,
but Tony and me were best friends. We've been on the road together like 150 fucking shows
somewhere somewhere around that range, probably more than that over the years. I mean, I've
been doing shows with him for fuck at least
10 years. You know, I don't even know when we started doing shows together, but it had
to be before 2014. I think I met him at the ice house like way back in the day. And so
like I've seen that dude like really come together. I've seen that dude like really
become like a killer comedian. You know, know watch him on the roast last night or Saturday night
Damn, dude
Damn that what he said about Sam she hell knows the pussy
My god and the what about Bert oh he was going in. The Bert's a king. The Bert's a king. The tiger king fucked the liver king.
He had a liver like Rodney King.
Oh, bro!
He's the goat.
When it comes to that roasting shit, man,
I think he the goat.
He's the goat.
I think he's the greatest.
Tony's the best.
Yup.
You know, I'm not gonna say it,
but there were some forces that were trying to limit him
from his ability to shine.
They see it. They see he's coming for the title.
He's reckless and that's what they're not. Okay. There's a kind of reckless comedy.
You know, you know you're going to take the heat but you don't give a fuck you're going in.
That's reckless. That's Tony. Tony's reckless. He's driving fast and he's going to crash.
That's reckless. That's Tony. Tony's reckless. He's driving fast. He's gonna crash
He's gonna crash
But he's just like real confident in his mechanic
Yeah, he goes he goes he's going for the comedy and that's what that's a comedy used to be right Yeah
And now there's a lot of people today that that's not what comedy is for them anymore now
They're like trying to color inside the lines and there's people that want to be funny
but they also kind of want to appeal to the wokesters. Yes. They want to appeal
to this ridiculous ideology that's very controlling but they if they do then the
comments that they read on Twitter will be positive because those are the kind
of like socially retarded cunts that sit at home all day and complain about things
So if you want to get their input you have to kind of like feed into their nonsense
Oh, and that ruins com ruins common that ruins ruins great comics
It does it turns great comics into cowards. Yeah, you see it like they're so you can see it while they're on stage
Like oh you're worried about an acting job in the back of your head. It's not even a real job
You don't even have it yet
It's just a job in the future that you might I don't want to piss off. It's like bro
It's not even a real thing
Yeah
The connection between comedy and Hollywood is one of the worst ideas of all time
It would be like the connection of alcoholics anonymous and rock shows
literally like that's
That's literally how bad it is of a connection.
Yeah, they don't belong in the same universe.
No, no, but the thing is, like, they offered that carrot up to us.
They dangled that money carrot, that carrot of TV.
Ooh, Derek, don't you want to be in the movies? Ooh, Derek, don't you want to host your own sitcom?
Or be on a sitcom? Or host a late-night talk show?
That's how I get, but as a kid, that's what you see. You're like, wow, everybody loves Raymond. or be on a sitcom or host a late night talk show or
But as a kid, that's what you see you're like everybody loves Raymond like all these great things and they're they are great Yeah, you know, but you're like well
The best things that happened to us was the internet because the internet did a bunch of different things one
It made comics valuable to each other instead of in competition with each other because not only do do we, everybody has a show, right, if you have podcasts.
All our friends have shows, right?
So not only do they have shows, but you can have them on as a guest or you can go on their
show when you need to promote something.
And then we all help each other.
And then we tell, hey, check out Derek and the Sun the doing this thing check out Tony check out William and
Everybody does that and then everybody grows
but there's no nobody loses whereas in Hollywood if you were the host of the Tonight Show and
I wanted to be the host of tonight show I'd be like fuck Derek. I need that job
I want that job when I was a kid. I wanted to be the host of the tonight show, but Derek's the host
Want that job when I was a kid I wanted to be the host of the tonight show but Derek's the host
Goddamnit I fucking hate Derek. I hope he crashed this car
heroin And that's how there was I mean that's that whole thing with the David Letterman and Jay Leno when Jay Leno was waiting
He was hiding in the closet son
Hiding in the closet while they were having a conversation about them. That's in this too much
That's his fucking insane saying and then I know that thing between him and Conan. It's just like, bro, fuck all that.
Also Jimmy Kimmel's chiming in, everybody's chiming in. Remember when Jimmy Kimmel berated
Jay Leno for trying to take Conan's job? If Conan was killing it, that job wouldn't be
available. That's how that works. Yeah, that's how it works. But they did handcuff
Conan when Conan took over Tonight Show because Jay Leno did his show at 10 o'clock or like
right before it right? He did it during prime time hours. So like he can't do that. That's
bullshit. Yeah just even here and all that like damn I'm so glad I'm in this era. Fuck
that. The idea of you guys like you said just going on each other's pocket since you started podcast
Joe pretty much did you see because when you started you must not have known that
like oh we're all gonna go on each other's when did you see that become
like oh this is what was the attitude that we had about the store was the same
attitude that transferred in the podcast because the attitude at the store even in like the early
2000s like when things are popping there
The attitude was like very supportive if you were cool if you're cool
And all you want to do is just be friendly and hang out and have a good time
Everybody was cool with you if there was a real disagreement with people
100% someone was a cunt
100% it wasn't just competitive bullshit but in the 90s man, dudes would like say shit to you before you went on stage,
try to fuck with your confidence. You know they make fun of your clothes or talk about
your hair or something. Just say something to you right before you went on stage. I was
like, what What that sucks bro
Bro, there was people that would like mock your act like there was like mock laugh from the back of the room like ha ha
You would hear comics say that and then leave the room. Oh
Just like if I'm having a bad set man, I know
Like I'm aware brother. So easy. There were so many haters I remember there was dudes who were sitting in the back of the open mic night
Heckling open micers because they wanted them to leave so they can get up earlier
Yeah
Like get this fucking show over next like what this person just started. What are you doing? I might fucking kill you
I would be so upset. I would be that's crazy to do somebody
there's also like certain dudes like say if you are
right now you're like a
traveling middle act and there's a kid who's an open mic er and you see him coming and he starts building up momentum
And then he starts going on the road and then all of a sudden this guy is headlining before you are
What the fuck and that happens and then he's selling out places fuck him you believe you selling out theaters man
Who fuck you believe that guy selling out theaters, and you're sitting in the fucking hallway of the Comedy Store you believe that guy's selling out theaters
Man, this is bullshit
Stupid old dumb mentality that stupid old famine mentality for mentally ill people who are narcissists
And they just can't believe that other people are having success, too
It's not even that they're not doing pretty good. It's like they're no one's ever happy if someone's doing better
My thank God for my best friends Brian Simpson, every time he gets anything,
I mean anything in his career,
you know how big he is,
every time the first time he got on Rogan,
first time he got the Netflix thing,
he looks right at me every time and goes,
you're next, Derek you're next.
He doesn't, no matter what he gets,
he goes, Derek you're next.
And it's just to hear that every time
from a guy that you are like,
man I want to be like this guy,
this guy's the best comic I know.
Like, yeah, yeah, super super.
Means everything.
It means everything.
And that's the, that's the, when you have that kind of environment, it feels good for
everybody.
This is what's important.
The selfish feeling that you want no, you want no one to do better than you and you
want to be like number one.
And then if you see people doing better than you, you get angry.
That selfish feeling is
It ruins you because it ruins your relationships those people you could have the exact same
Circumstances happen and be super happy for everybody. Yeah for you and free. There's no tension. There's no need to it
There's no need for it
And if someone makes you feel bad, I give you watch someone like they're so good. They make you feel bad go to work
Go to work. That's a good feeling. That's a good- that's good!
When Natal was in town, I would watch Natal be like, I wanna go home and write. I wanna go home and write.
This fucking guy is like a zen master up there. He's like effortlessly killing in a way that's so ridiculous and so unique.
I was like, God, this is so good. But if you're a hater, that's poison. You're
watching, you're getting the exact opposite feeling from the same exact scene. The same
scene. There's guys that will, I've seen guys sitting in the back room, they were watching
Chris Rock and they're watching Chris Rock with their arms crossed like this, like wanting
him to suck, wanting him to suck, not wanting him to do well not not just enjoying it enjoy him. This is
Yes, aren't you a fan of this?
Well, it only has to be you you're the only one who could be funny. That's crazy. That's crazy
You can't have a good time. So you're missing out on having a good time just so you could be selfish
There's a zero upside and it ruins ruins your life. Like now you're at home mad.
Like it just ruins your day.
Your whole life. Like everything's ruined.
And if someone does fail
that you wanted to fail and you feel
good, you should be embarrassed.
You should be embarrassed
by that feeling.
What a weak bitch I am.
You hit him with a Sebastian. You should be embarrassed.
You should be embarrassed. You should be embarrassed.
You really should.
100%.
But I think this is all like, people need to learn this.
You need to learn this and learn it in a way
where it doesn't feel bad if you take it on.
You don't feel like a fool.
Because we've all been fools.
I've been a fool.
Everyone's in this room, everyone listening has been a fool. Yeah, we've all been in fucking moron
That's how you learn and grow in life, but if you stick to the old ways, you'll just be unhappy and mentally ill
Yeah, yeah your therapist not gonna save you
I mean I learned you might even remember this I learned a young a lesson a young that in comedy being young and
I mean, Joe, I learned, you might even remember this, I learned a lesson in comedy, being young,
and just talking too much, and just being kind of angry
and wanting more as a door, and you talked to me,
I don't know if you remember that, you got on me one time.
Hey, Derek, you gotta shut up, man.
I don't even remember you telling me to do this.
When was this, was that at the store?
This was at the store.
What were you complaining about?
I was just running out of my mouth, complaining about,
I want more, I just wanted more.
I just wanted more and I was talking too much.
At the end of the day, I wanna get all the more and I was talking too much at the end of the day
I want to get all the steps. I was talking too much and you did that and it was a that was good
I needed that yeah, sometimes I needed to hear that we get wrapped up in our own shit
Like the the process is long like if I was trying to tell someone right now to be a comic and they were like
26 years old like
Okay, you're gonna
be famous until you're 40 if you make it if you if you make it you know you've
got to be willing to throw it all away and you got to be willing to go through
this weird path where you want things and they're not happening and you get
angry and that's where you were yes you were you wanted things and I was like Derek you got to be undeniable yes
You got to be undeniable when you're undeniable. It's all gonna come your way, but all this talks not good for anybody
It's crazy. You just don't but it's I'm glad I went through that you know what I mean
I'm glad I that that happened to me because it was at the time it felt like you know you're like oh
But man, I'm glad I went through it because now it's just so much better to enjoy you appreciate it appreciate it
yeah and it's almost like you have to go through I had those feelings I remember
being at an open mic night and I wasn't on the list I couldn't get on the list
I was angry like why can't I go up this bullshit yeah I'm funny this person you
start saying things like that person and it's like well what is it do but it's
just like you just have to deal with the grind it's like the part it's part of the thing part of the thing it's like what makes you better it's like well, what is it do but it's just like you just have to deal with the grind It's like the part. It's part of the thing part of the thing. It's like what makes you better
It's like those uncomfortable things they build inside of you. There's uncomfortable moments and feelings. They add
Inspiration they add
Determination they add discipline they make you focus more. Yes make you listen to tapes
They make you go over your go through your notebook
You know?
Man, I really appreciate those Comedy Store times.
I think everyone should be, not a Dork guy,
but man, it's good.
I think it's just good for you to just sit and learn.
You have no choice.
You're there.
What was dope about the Comedy Store, too,
was the fact that there was a real attitude
that everyone was a comic, including the Dork people.
Yes.
The Dork people, to me me were me when I was 23.
I was like, what's up?
What's going on, man?
Everything cool?
Yeah.
Met you, big hug.
First thing you said, yo, what's up?
New guy.
Always.
I remember.
I remember like it was yesterday, man.
All you guys.
Oh man.
Yeah.
The coolest thing, one of the coolest things about standup
that I learned from you, Joe, it was, so when I got there,
you were finishing Trigger.
Like you were, that was about to come out.
So you were doing the, on the stool bit,
the Caitlyn Jenner, I mean, it was so tight.
You were going, standing O's every time you did it.
It was nuts.
Then the special came out.
And then you start gearing up for Strange Times.
And the only person I've ever heard they say would do this
was Richard Pryor, where he would come in
after he dropped a special,
and he would bang out material,
and you'd see it for the first time. You're like, okay, I kind of see the skeleton, I saw the skeleton of Strange
Times, like, all right, I guess.
And then the next day, you'd see the little bit of muscle on it.
And the next you didn't, you never abandon it, even though it wasn't hitting like how
the other stuff was hitting, or some nights it wasn't going as well as maybe you wanted
it to.
You never abandoned it.
You never were like, I'm gonna do crowd work, I'm gonna say an old bit and get out of this.
No. And then, and then I saw Strange Times become Strange Times.
And that was amazing to see, J.
It takes a long time to get a bit going.
And if you bail on it, every one of my bits,
except for a few, sucked in the beginning.
There's just, they're clunky.
Yes.
You don't know how to do it right.
You can see who were trying to find it, you know?
Oh, it's a terrible process. It's terrible. It you were trying to find it. You know it's a terrible process
Terrible it's terrible process. It really is it's terrible process
Brian Simpson did it the smartest way well Brian did was he had his whole hour laid out and then
Before he filmed his hour he created a new hour so he started adding
Material to the set over the course of a year till he had another hour and so then he films the special and he's got an extra
hour
That's bright since Brian Simpson plans for the future he has his socks laid out by his bed
It's play he's planning for the future
Brian gave me a book on what to do if the world collapses he gave us all that book
Yeah, like the book of man or yeah, whatever is the book? future Brian gave me a book on what to do if the world collapses he gave us all that book yeah like
the book of man or yeah whatever is the book it's called I think it's called the book it's how to
rebuild society I was like what the fuck are you planning Brian's got books planned on how to save
society yeah he's he's one of one man yeah we're real lucky we're real lucky and he's one of one man. Yeah, we're real lucky. We're real lucky and he's another guy that came out here real early
Yeah, so when everybody was out here early
You know I had gone through this thing where I had the first club and the
Deal fell apart the cult house the cold house. Yeah, god damn glad we didn't get that one. That would have ruined everything
Yeah, that would not have been as no because the placement of this one. It's perfect
The fact that it's on that maniac Street. Yeah, yeah, that's trees alive. Yeah
I like that cuz there's an audience member when you get there you're like
They're now awake. You don't get to wandered in like it's not a mall or some shit
It's like no you're awake now
Well when the deal fell through with the cult place and then we walked walked into that movie theater, when it was a movie theater still,
I remember walking in there going, oh shit.
Like, okay, this is it, it was so clear.
It was like you hear a sound in the distance
of the direction you're supposed to go to.
You're like, boom.
Okay, here we go.
That's how it felt.
It really felt like that.
It felt like, god damn damn, and this place is alive
This place has like got memories baked into it Stevie Ray Vaughn
Stevie Ray Vaughn was on that stage Willie Nelson was on that stage Willie Nelson was on that stage
Yeah, man all those dudes in the green room all those posters are in the green room. Yeah, those are all real shows from the Ritz
Yeah, I did not know that yeah Yeah man a lot a lot of bands played
there a lot of bands. Yeah. So you could feel it in the walls. There's a lot of
things happen in that place. It used to be a pool hall, it used to be a nudie
movie theater at one point. There's a movie theater for the longest time where
it was an Alamo draft house. That was like more than 10 years. longest time where it was a Alamo draft house that was like more than ten years
It was a it was a lot of things you know it was a punk rock bar at one point in time
You know it was a that place has got a history. It's from
1827
1919 27 right is that right?
1927 yeah 1927
1927 it's a hundred years old essentially or close to it
I mean, it's very comedy store vibes in that because the commissary should be zeros
It was like where the mafia would be like all these weird stories
You know the building you can feel it and that you know, this does have that Mitzvah feels feeling in Mitzvah late night
It's far like energy and that's awesome. It's also the energy has been baked in just in the year that we've been open
Yeah, bro that year
by
Your flu by it
Flu by it makes me think I'm gonna be dead real
I go through 50 more of those. It'll be a a miracle so it's not that's not gonna happen. I know go through 50 of them
It's not possible. Wow
When you set it up like I'm setting this up for when I'm gone this baby that this like the comedy story
It'll just run well. I want I didn't think that no
I just thought set up the best thing you can set up. That's all I thought I thought like I have this
crazy unique moment where not only did the world shut down in Texas didn't but also all these
Comedians came out here to do shows and I have this Spotify deal
And I'm like, okay
I'm supposed to do this like if anybody's supposed to do this like if you were a kid and they said to you if you got
All this money, what would you you know You know what I'd do? I'd make the ultimate amusement park.
Just for me and my friends.
But nobody ever does that.
You know, like people get fuck you money and they never say fuck you.
And I don't get that.
Like if you have fuck you money and you don't say fuck you, what you're doing is, it's a
crime against fortune.
You have the incredible fortune to have fuck you money.
The incredible luck, the incredible fortune
to be in this weird position where all these comedians decided to come to this place
because you and your friends were there.
I mean, we like Ron White's the he's the fucking leader of the pack.
Pied Piper. He's the P piper because ron was out here before
Covid ron was out here in like
2017 I think or 18 was he retired yet already or no, he wasn't retired
But he was he was like I fly out of austin. It's much easier here in the middle
You can fight fucking two and a half hours new york two and a half hours la fucking people are nice foods amazing
hours to New York, two and a half hours to LA, fucking people are nice, food's amazing. I was like damn, maybe I could, because I had always entertained leaving LA, but the
store just always kept me there. The store and my friends, Jiu Jitsu, I mean I tried
for a while, tried moving to Colorado for a little bit, but the store always pulled
me back. It's like that, there's, you can't replicate that.
You did.
Yeah, well so I felt like there's no other way
it could have ever happened.
It had, all those things had to happen in place
where the comic store had to get shut down
so we can get all the people that worked
at the comic store to come over and start the mothership.
People like Eric and Curtis and Adam.
Jodie.
Yeah, Jodie and.
And.
And.
Carrie.
Carrie's the shit.
Like, it wasn't for Carrie.
The mom. She's the best, but she was always the best at the store. So when she's over there, it, and, and. Carrie. Carrie, Carrie's the shit. Like, it wasn't for Carrie. The mom.
She's the best.
But she was always the best at the store.
So when she's over there, it's like,
oh, this is wonderful.
You know, and then she knew all the right servers,
and then, you know, we get this vibe going,
and then the whole idea, and Adams,
it was Adams' idea to do it the same way the store was.
I was a little apprehensive, like,
man, comics cause problems when they're employees.
Like, a lot of us are dirtbags. A lot of us are crazy. the same way the store was I was a little apprehensive like man comics cause problems and their employees like a
Lot of us are dirtbags. Yeah, a lot of us are crazy Joe. I robbed the
I mean, I mean we're hustling cuz it's like well, I, we all owe you money. Oh yeah. I'm sure.
You were just hustling.
I mean we were hustling because it's like, well I'm only making a couple bucks, I didn't
get up, I'm going to fucking hustle this door.
Trying to stay alive.
Trying to stay alive.
Yeah, I mean but there was that problem.
But Adam was like, yeah but you know what, there's something really cool about people
like auditioning.
And because now Adam is running it, so we didn't have to have this like
We this is one of the things that I told him because there's a pressure that he had in LA
To have like X amount of women and X amount of gay people like people talked about it
And they would email him they'd complain to him people confront him
You know how can we not have more women on your lineup? Girl comics would say, I said listen man, this is 100% meritocracy. I know
you're not sexist, I know you're not racist, I know you're not homophobic, you
don't care. All you care about, you speak the language of funny. This will be a
pure meritocracy and if you're really good, you're gonna get through and if
you're bullshitting and just using
whatever the fuck group you're a part of
as like a Willy Wonka golden ticket,
thinking it's gonna get you a career, fuck you.
Okay, that shit doesn't work here.
Yep.
You know?
I love that.
And with that, there is a,
the best way to make a diverse show is just like you said,
put the funniest people up.
The show will naturally,
it will naturally diversify itself.
We have so many different people working there.
Everybody's different. And different in all kinds of ways.
There's gay and straight and there's black and white and Asian.
No one fucking cares.
I don't even notice it because all we think of is funny.
No one cares. No one cares. All that cares is are you funny?
Can you go up there and do the damn thing?
Assan did 9-eleven. No one gives a fuck. He's just a funny dude. We all just forgive him. That's how funny that piece of shit is.
Boy he's come a long way man. That dude. Joey Diaz was just telling me on the phone yesterday
I was on the phone with Joey yesterday. He's like well Assan blew my mind. He goes he blew my mind
I remember that kid when he was just starting out
Assan blew my mind. He goes he blew my mind. I remember that kid when he was just starting out
Yeah, he's out there these fucking Joey's coming. He's coming Joey's moving. He's coming again in a couple weeks He's gonna be back. He's gonna be back for quite a while and then we're gonna get him a place
He's gonna get a place on just in the neighborhood. He's moving. He's gotta move here. He can't stay in New Jersey
No, I'll do respect in New Jersey, but I'll do respect.
He needs to be around his peers.
You saw it when he was here.
You could feel it on him, man.
And as the days went, how much more comfortable,
like he, oh, he started moving like Joey D.
When Joey would be in the main room,
and it was like that when he left Fat Man.
Where it was like, oh, he's in, he's back.
Oh, shit.
His wife's down too, she gets it, she's the best.
She's the best.
So it's perfect. So when Joey gets it. She's the best. She's the best. So it's perfect
So when Joey gets here, that'll change everything. God damn that's gonna change everything
So it's been working on Theo. Theo's coming soon. He's gonna be here
What's today? It's gonna be here in ten days
Yeah, so we'll have Theo here for a couple weeks and then Theo said he might come down for the whole month of July
You're fucking Samuel Jackson with the Avengers, baby
I'm recruiting man. I'm recruiting but I only want people that want to be here
Like if you don't want to be here, it's like I get it. I get it. I get it
There's no pressure. You don't have to come here, but it would be nice. It's fun. Joe DeRosa got a place here
But it would be nice. It's fun. Joe DeRosa got a place here. Joe DeRosa's here now. Let's go! DeRosa's the man! Everyone you're saying also great, phenomenal, beast of a comic.
Yeah, and nice people. That's the big thing. The big thing is all real friendly, real nice people.
And the more of that, the better. And there's plenty of spots. There's so many clubs. And Red Bands Club's killing it.
How long was it? A 13 second walk from my club to Red Bands Club's killing it. How long was it, 13 second walk from my club
to Red Bands Club?
You can get up, you can get up three times.
Right next door, creek in the cave, always a great room.
Right down the street.
This little place, Black Rabbit, which I love,
right there, you can go get up, I mean,
they're all within a block.
Black Rabbit's doing stand up now?
How long have they been doing stand up?
I don't know how long they've been open,
but that's what we're meeting,
it's just such a little 50 seat box
Mm-hmm. I mean it's on just love that little and bro the Vulcan is still a banger of a club shout out to the Vulcan if you
Get up there. That's a great fucking show. The Vulcan is a great room, and then you can drive over to cap city
I mean, he's kept us alive
It kept blood in his broke that place was like a mask that we were all sharing like scuba diving
Give it to each other
We're staying alive, you know
alive those Tuesday Wednesday Thursdays just
That place kept us alive and then of course kill Tony haven't killed Tony in a town changes the town
Because now all that
There's all these temptations to go down the road of fuckery when you're first on stage
You want to try to like make yourself out to be something you wish you were you want people to think you're smart
You know people think you're cool
And if you have five minutes sometimes five minutes is too much in the beginning you really don't deserve five minutes you deserve a minute is there one minute there should
be a bunch of people doing one minute and this should be like belts like
you're a white belt you just started out okay you've been doing comedy six months
eight months maybe you're ready for your blue belt depends on how much you get
on stage and then a couple years after that now you're a purple belt now you're
opening up for really good comics when they're on the road.
This guy's in town, you're gonna open for him.
Colin Quinn wants you to open for him.
Oh shit, now you're a purple belt.
Now you start going on the road as a middle act.
Now you're a brown belt.
Now you might have 20 murderous minutes.
You might be doing stand-up six, seven years.
You're a brown belt now.
And then eventually, you move into headlining.
And then you get your black belt. And then then you realize like oh people are coming to see me
Okay
You know they're gonna see me
Sit down, you know
Like it has to take probably I will run away from a conversation if I get an idea because I know they're slippery
They're slippery. They slip through your finger. Sometimes. Sometimes you just have a great idea
You're like my family gets it. My wife gets it. I go hang on. I got an idea
I have an idea
I just have to say I have an idea and everybody leaves me alone
And I just run away I run away so no one could talk to me
And I grab my phone and I just start either talking into it
Which is the best because then I can keep it quicker or I start writing it
That's beautiful. Yeah, I've seen you do that where you just completely
You know what Neil Brennan said to me once he said I think of my notebook as like a net that I catch my ideas in
I was like ooh
Ooh, Neil Brennan's a smart motherfucker. That's a great. That's a great quote. That is exactly what it is
It's a net the moment you do the thing where you're like, oh you think of something like I'm gonna write it down later
Yeah, it's gone, bro
You know why I've been thinking about going to Android because Samsung phones when you if you record your sets
Yeah transcribes them
Really? Yeah with AI and it'll summarize it for you
Crazy yeah, Brian Simpson's right about that too
Fucking Galaxy phone Tony's always making fun of him. And I'm like, Tony, do you understand what that phone can do?
That phone can translate, like built into the phone,
can translate you talking to a ton of different languages.
Like instantaneously translate.
Why are we still on iPhones?
Because we're trapped.
Also, it's a safer operating system.
That's the thing that I've been really getting into.
I've been really like into. I've been really researching exploits,
and I've watched quite a few videos.
But I also read a story where they were talking about,
when they were trying to see,
they had an iPhone and an Android phone,
and they checked to see which one was contacting
foreign servers based on the apps.
And it was like way more the Android. The Android was contacting foreign servers based on the apps. And it was like way more the Android.
The Android was contacting foreign servers way more,
contacting China and Russia,
and the iPhone one was like one or two a day.
And it's based on, there's a lot of shit going on
that we're not thinking about, right?
What you're interested in is valuable.
So if you're scrolling through Google
and you're looking at a bunch of different products,
you're looking at a bunch of different things,
Google gets that information and inserts those ads
into your browser.
So then when you go to a website and you say,
like, oh, I was looking at those shoes.
How are those shoes for sale right here?
Just click here.
You know, it tells you the price.
Like, oh, what a bargain.
And you think about it.
That's valuable, right?
And so that's what they're constantly trying to scoop up. They're trying to scoop up your data
They want to know what you're doing what you're listening to what you're watching. What do you what do you what you got Netflix?
What do you got this? You got that you got YouTube premium. What do you got? You got money? Are you broke?
You got a Tesla who's got a Tesla got a Tesla app there
So there's all this data that your phone carries and iPhone is pretty good at keeping that data
They're like a cool system right and then what they call them so yeah walled garden. Yeah
Android is not so good at that Android is the opposite seems like it's it's got open source
Which is really good so a bunch of different people can make apps
But the problem with that is you could get apps that are malware
You can get apps that will get that will infect your a while motherfucker just downloading every app that's on the Play Store
I don't think they do as good a job, and I think you got out can't you side load on androids as well
So this pros and cons man this pros to like if you make an Android app like you
could just say you know why is there a fucking app for this? And you could design an app
that does it and then just throw it up on the Play Store and people could just download
it and put it. But you could be a criminal and you could put some shit on on you know
either side loading or put some shit on you know one of these places where you can download
apps and
Inside that is someone could just steal all your credit card information on your phone if you're using like you know
Google pay some Google random Google thing yeah PayPal or some shit
It's just there's apps that can they can when you sign up for tick-tock they can
They know your keystrokes. They know all your keystrokes. So everything you type, it knows.
Not only that, it has access to computers
that don't have TikTok on them, that are on the network.
So if you have a computer, but your computer
doesn't have TikTok, but you have TikTok on your phone,
they have access to your computer.
I know that sounds crazy.
That sounds like that couldn't be real.
Joe, why would they do that? I think it's more than them. And this is what Adam
Curry said. Like Adam Curry saying like this is a tick tock band. He goes, believe me,
he goes, the real problem with tick tock is that they're doing a better job of keeping
people addicted. And that they don't like the idea that China is dominating this social
media game. Yeah. Tick toc's good. It's good.
They figured out a way to make it very, very, very addictive.
But they're getting data, constant data,
of what you like, what you're interested in,
what you get mad about, what you comment on, how you comment,
what you like with hearts, what you keep going back to
and don't tell anybody about
If you look at your fucking if you look in your your your search
And it's all buts
But fat butts that's cuz you like fat butts. They know you like fat butts
Yeah, I look at other people's feeds. They're very very different than mine if you look in that like search Oh, yeah area on Instagram like it's basically they know me. They know what I like. Yep animal attacks
fast cars
Nice butts yeah, it's like
But that data is super super super valuable and it's in like, how does one get access to that data?
You know, do you get to access through some
sneaky backdoor shit, or do you get access the normal way?
But Apple does a better job
of protecting your information, I think.
Yeah.
And you know what I think too, Joe,
why we don't wanna change, it's something about the blue.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know what- They got us.
It's something about, I send the blue to you
I get a blue back. I like that. Yeah, we're on the same team. We're on the same fucking
Group workout texts and we send we have to have to go green cuz of fucking Brian
We have multiple chats even though Apple is adopting this RCS platform, so RCS, it's
not platform, what would you call it? Protocol. Thank you. RCS is, what is it
called? Rich something? I forget what it stands for, but what it basically is is
like most of the way to an iMessage, but through text because right now text messaging rich communication services so that's the standard that
everybody else is operating on that Google's operating on if I have a
Google phone and I text you to a Samsung phone it will be like that RCS it's
encrypted green bubbles may not be going anywhere but there's still hope for less
archaic messaging experience
So RCS is now going to be on iPhones with I think Ios
18 is that what it is I think it comes out
By the end of the year so by the end of the year like right now if
Brian sends me a text message, and it is a picture in it that pictures gonna look very dark shit
Yes, it's gonna be compressed if he sends me a video. It nonsense. I can't barely see it. It's like a little tiny square
I go what the fuck are you sending me bro?
We have to go on whatsapp or signal and on signal he can send me the whole video
And I go okay, I got the video now, but there's so many things you can't do the the big one is facetime
Facetimes big I love I get random FaceTimes from friends sometimes
and I love it. I love it. Burt will send me a random one. I was hanging with Brian. This
is a big moment too, it's a cool moment. I was hanging with Brian at the Black Keys.
We went to see the Black Keys at Stubbs and we're chilling backstage in that outside area,
you know that outside cool area? And we're hanging out with the Black Keys at Stubbs and we're chilling backstage in that outside area you know that outside cool area and we're hanging out with the
Black Keys and Dave Chappelle FaceTimes me so so I'm hanging out with Dave and
Dave sees Brian he goes oh what's up dog and they start talking he goes hey I
love you man I think you're really fun so they're like going back if I'm like
this is amazing like Brian is getting recognized by Dave
That's and he was like he was beaming afterwards. He see Brian was like you know I can't imagine
It's great. I love those fucking random
FaceTime calls
Love those Burt sends me them all the time. I love a random FaceTime call from a friend
It's beautiful because I like calls from people random calls from people annoying me
Like why you call me bro? Yeah, what do you want?
It's usually just something funny. It's fun someone cool cool people like when cool people send you a FaceTime. It's like wow
That's pretty badass fucking right badass. God days of hell. Yeah, he introduced me to you my introduction to Joe Rogan was Joe Rogan
We're gonna look for a pair of New York babes.
I'd never heard of you before, dog.
And then that was all, I was like,
who the fuck is Joe Rogan?
You know, that was an accident.
What?
I wasn't supposed to be on that.
Yeah, I was walking down the street,
and I saw Dave with a fake mustache on him.
I'm like, what are you doing, man?
I was in New York doing stand-up.
So I was doing a club, and I was walking down the street,
and I ran into
Bobcat Goldweight you know Bobcats the best and Bobcat was directing Dave on
his first episode and so Bobcat was there I go what are you guys doing I
go why is Dave up with a fucking mustache man is it go hey Joe you want to be on my show I go what
I have to do he's like we're gonna hand out ribbons for the best New York boobs.
I go, yeah, I got like an hour.
And then I have to meet some people for dinner,
and then we're going to go do my show.
So yeah, let's do it.
So for one hour, I walked around with Dave,
where I carried around a bunch of buttons, I think?
Or ribbons?
You were carrying them around the ribbons.
And you were just handing them out to big sis.
And you were just smiling.
You're just smiling.
Dave has his crazy fake mustache on.
So this is awesome.
Looking for great New York boobs.
Now I want you to think of this.
This is 2002, I guess.
Yeah, has to be.
2002 or 2003, whatever.
I guess two.
Imagine how crazy different New York is.
Wow. In just 22 years. I was there the other day
I don't this yeah, this is dangerous now and this same area look at me with the full head air
Crazy oh they blurred someone out cuz they didn't sign the release see that one person their face blurred out see that no release
Yeah, they blurred that lady out. She's interesting. They blur people out. I saw his face. I know that guy
blurred that lady out. Interesting, they blur people. I saw his face, I know that guy. He's like, these should sue. They did a shitty job. Oh, that's illegal now. Oh, they would
be so mad at me. Oh my God, are you kidding me? That'd be assault. Yeah, that'd be slavery.
That'd be everything. It'd be everything. You going to jail. I got one interaction with Dave Dave Chappelle. I hold on to this forever. This is why being a door guy is the best Joe.
I'm parking cars one night. All right, and it's my turn. I'm waiting to go up in the belly room.
There's two people in that motherfucker Joe. Two, but I'm waiting. Finally my turn. One of my other door guy friends
Shout out Matt Lockwood. He's bringing me on stage. It's only two people in the room. He's fucking around. This next comic used to sleep on my couch
He's a piece of shit. I he smoked all my weed, you know
You know Dave walks in during the turn the and it's going and going as he's still bringing me up and then Dave
And I'm like looking now like bring me up bring me up
Come on, like Dave's in the room. Bring me up right and he keeps going and the day goes. All right, I'm going out
Dave walks up. He's like my friends like oh shit guys Dave Chappelle the two people are like what the fuck
Dave walks up, and he's like, my friend's like, oh shit guys, Dave Chappelle.
The two people are like, what the fuck?
He grabs the mic and he goes,
I don't know who Derrick Poston was,
but that nigga's credits were terrible.
And I was just like, what the fuck?
And then I go downstairs,
cause now I'm boy watching him,
and then of course the room filled up
as the night went on, it's Dave,
and he's there for a couple hours.
And then I'm downstairs parking cars again
and somebody said, Dave's looking for you.
I run back up and Dave's going yada yada,
you know, Derek, I'ma bring you up,
you know, you deserve a shot,
you deserve a chance and all this stuff,
and I'm like, yo dog, thank you, man,
and he goes, oh shit, nigga, you black?
I wouldn't have bumped you. I wouldn't have bumped you. In front of two people, that's hilarious.
By the end though, it was sold out.
It was crazy.
I've seen people come in the room.
And it just, that was just such a, like, man, I'm so glad that happened.
A crazy memory.
Dave is a real artist in that, like, he embraces this process of just exploring things on stage.
And it's so cool.
And I think that's one of the things that's really cool about him is that he's a real artist.
And I think that's one of the things that's really cool about him is that he's a real artist. And I think that's one of the things that's really cool about him is that he's a real artist in that he embraces this process of just exploring things on stage,
and it's how he writes.
So people will complain about it,
they'll complain that he goes for so long,
I'm like, you don't understand.
You're watching George St. Pierre lift weights, okay?
That's what you're watching.
You're gonna see the fight eventually. But right now you're watching George do squats? That's what you're watching. Like you're gonna see the fight eventually.
But right now you're watching George do squats.
That's what you're watching.
Yeah, but you're getting a rare opportunity.
And it's not the same experience, right?
Like if you see Dave with a tight set,
he's filming a Netflix special, he's gonna murder,
he's gonna murder son.
Murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, death kill. But the gonna murder son. Oh, yeah
But the process of creating that murder death kill is like a boiling down process you start off with an idea and Dave will Just run that idea raw. Yeah, you know someone film him and then he goes over it
He pieces it apart and tries to figure out what was good and what was bad and why it worked why it didn't work
Yeah
And operate on that level of doing it for four hours and doing it at three in the morning where it's like no
They're tired done. Yeah, they're beyond tired. They've been deep to shit
It's 2 a.m
But if he can get 10 minutes out of that or five minutes or one minute
It's worth it because you do 50 of those shows you got a new hour
Yeah
That's the thing. I mean nobody wants a bomb
Chris Rock used to do it all the time
He used to tell people like someone would kill at the store and Chris would show up and he would like
Purposely bring the audience down. He was relaxed. He's ain't gonna be very good. He would tell them
I've seen him once do that where he straight up off the notepad and he was like what do you say?
He's I'm going over the skeleton of it right now guys
Like he was pretty much like I'm this is the you're getting the bare bones. Mm-hmm. It was like whoa yeah, and that's the way to do it Damon Waynes
Just do that too Damon was great at that man Damon is the most unsung of the greats. Yeah, yeah in my opinion I remember
Damon's HBO special lat the last stand was fucking excellent
Excellent dude, and he was one of the first dudes that I saw on stage when I came to LA
That was like a famous guy that stopped by I was like, oh shit. David Wayne's is here, dude. He was excellent
Excellent and he would do that too. He would explore ideas
He would just go up there and just fuck around for a long ass time Wow
Yeah, and you know back then like Damon doesn't get the respect that he deserves.
He doesn't get the love anymore.
People don't, because he did sitcoms and shit.
He kind of got out of the comedy loop, did movies.
People forgot.
But dude, I am telling you, man, when he was on, he was a master.
Very like Chappelle.
Very much that level.
Masterful.
Is this during his like in living color time too?
Wow.
Bro, Damon Wayans, he's one of the all time greats.
He just doesn't get appreciated the way he should.
My opinion.
I mean, I've seen these guys live,
like when they were in their prime,
and Damon was, he was just so clever and so silly,
and he would be laughing, it was genuine laughter, and he was having a good ass time on stage and talking about ridiculous shit.
He was great, man. He was great.
And he was another one of those guys that would just take his time.
He would just go up there with some...
He would show up on fucking Wednesday night, 11 o'clock.
Oh, Damon's here. Damon's gonna go up.
And they'd let him up.
There's 15 fucking people in the crowd,
and he'll be on stage for an hour.
For an hour, just fuckin' around,
and just trying to come up with bits.
Trying to find out if there's something there,
and put, dig in a little hole so he has to dig himself out.
You know, trying to laugh at stuff.
You have an interesting process,
because you do that to yourself.
You'd be like, all right, who's the most famous,
who's the best comics in the world? Let me do an hour and a half of that, because you do that to yourself. You'll be like, all right, who's the most famous, who are the best comics in the world?
Let me do an hour and a half of that, and then I'll go up.
It's like, they've been beat to shit by Shane Gillis
and Ron White and Tony H. Cliff, Brian Simpson,
Assan Amad, and then you go up.
And it's like, what the fuck?
It's running with weights on.
That's what it is.
Yeah, you run with weights on.
You gotta hit that stage running.
You know, I learned that going on after Joey
Because Joey Joe and it fit for 15 minutes. Joey Diaz will punch a hole in the space
Joey Diaz can punch a fucking hole in reality and
If 15 20 minutes of Joey Diaz is just like following that. You gotta come on stage like fully engaged. Yeah.
And one of the things you see from guys
that tour with soft acts,
they tour with like weak opening acts,
and that's all the comedy they do,
they get soft.
You get soft in like your appreciation
for the audience's attention span or soft for, have you made that bit the best that it could be or is it just adequate is it working?
But it or is it like optimized?
Where is it at is it where you're happy with it or have you just kind of accepted?
That's the form it's in because you do it that way every night, you know and
When you go on after murderers, there's no room for anything but tight.
Yeah, everything has to be tight.
And you have to be really there and engaged.
People have seen an hour and a half of comedy before you even go on stage.
Yeah.
Hour and a half of murderers.
Murderers!
Yeah.
Murderers.
I get so jealous, too.
I'm sitting in the back.
God damn, why can't I go on now?
Half an hour in, the show's hot.
And it's your show, too.
You're doing it to yourself.
That's amazing.
I think that's the best way to do it.
It's the best way for me.
I don't think I've ever been sharper.
Like right now, it's sharp.
Yeah.
And that's what it is.
I think it's just concentrating.
It's like everything else, man.
It's like how much do you think about it?
I would say that doing standup is,
let's say if you have, what is a value?
Let's give a value of doing stand up,
you give it a value of 100.
Okay?
If you watch yourself do stand up,
that's like 50 or 60.
So it's like an extra set almost.
If you do two watches and one performance,
it's like you did two sets.
That's what I think.
Listening to it is like 40 or 50 sets. That's what I think. Listening to it is like
40 or 50, but it's better than zero. It's definitely better than zero. So if you could
force yourself to listen and you force yourself to watch, those add up in terms of the overall
amount of effort you've put into what you're doing. So it's not just the time you're on
stage, but it's also how much do you think about it afterwards.
Because if you could just grab it after,
I don't want to do it when I get home.
When I get home, I want to watch YouTube videos
on ancient civilizations and shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want to write.
But if I force myself, then I get fired up.
And then once I'm in it, now I get it, now and I feel it and if I could force myself to listen to recordings or watch a recording
after I do it I'm so much more engaged the next time I do it it like everything
everything like moves up a notch so instead of it being a value of 100
because I just did a show I did a show and then I listened to it and then I
wrote more so that now it's almost like
I did two shows. Yeah, where you're watching yourself, you're right cuz it makes you
Completely live the set over again. You're doing it again
Yeah, and seeing all the holes seeing the yeah, and you don't have to carry the psychic weight of keeping the set going, right?
So you have no anticipation, you know, what already went well. I already saw it. I was there
So let me watch it like like just chill and just watch you go. Why am I saying it like that?
That's too long. I could cut that out. Everybody knows what I'm saying. I want to cut it out get to it quicker
You know yeah like figure out this that like you learn how to get to things quicker when you work with killers, too
You learn the right like one of things I love about Joey's he sneaks
He sneaks up on you.
His punch lines sneak up on you.
You don't know where they're coming and then they nail you.
He's moving fast.
He's moving fast so you're not going to keep up with him already and then on top of that
he's sneaky with how he works in the punch lines.
It's a great way to describe him.
Yeah, it's like an economy of words.
The economy of words.
Joey Diaz is the very best at it.
I always tell this one joke.
My favorite Joey Diaz joke goes, I like transvestites.
They cook, they clean, you can beat them every once in a while.
The cops come, who's going to believe me is some dude with a wig and a black eye.
That's what Joey Diaz.
That's a great point because it's like, it keeps going. But it point, because it's like, da-da-da-da, it keeps going.
But it's also, it's like, it's absurd.
You know he's not really beating up transvestites.
You know, it's like, it's not real.
Like, when he talks about,
he'll say the most ridiculous shit,
and it's outrageous and it's exaggerating,
but it's part of the fun of the Joey Diaz show.
You don't think he's really out there
beating up transvestites.
Like, that's, it's like, the whole thing, it's like, he's a cartoon. He's a cartoon character. It's amazing. He's so out there beating up transvestites. It's like the whole thing.
It's like he's a cartoon.
He's a cartoon character.
It's amazing.
He's so fun, man.
He's my favorite person to watch ever.
Yeah?
Oh my God.
I think, I mean, there's great comedians.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't wanna say like who's the goat
because I don't like it.
I don't like the talk.
I think we're very fortunate today
that we have guys like Chappelle and Attell and Shane and you and
Everybody and Tony Schultz Schultz Schultz is killing it right now. Oh god on that roast that guy
He's so likable to even when he was shitting all over Dana. Why he's got a big smile on his face
Oh my god, he's funny. He's a great person too man. He's a great person like a great human being
Yeah, I look at him like an actual big brother man. Thank you. I love him to death
That's like we're real fortunate that we have all these people together
We're real fortunate
But for me like how where I've laughed where I can't stay in my seat
And I'm on the ground or I'm slapping tables or we'll hug at each other. It's Joey
Yeah, it's Joey. It's Joey.
Joey hits, he hits an RPM
that I don't think anybody else hits.
It's because of who he is, his background,
the chaos of his life, this phoenix emerging
from the ashes of coke addiction and all that.
Like he's just got a wildness and a love about him too.
The other thing, he's a loving, beautiful person.
Like he hugs everybody, he's a beautiful person.
And when he gets wild on stage, man,
there's nothing like it, man.
It's like a family reunion laugh.
It's like something from your spirit
when he gets you laughing.
Yeah, yeah, you love him, you wanna hug him
when you're laughing with him.
Yeah.
Yeah, and so he was like the best guy to take on the road too because it was like the party was with us
Everywhere, you know, it was a party. Yeah, we're going to nice restaurants. We're eating dinner. Joey Diaz is told stories about robbing people
To tell you a story about kidnapping a drug dealer machine gun and you're fucking crying laughing like oh my god
You're not disturbed like why would you do that you did you plan on shooting him?
That's just fun
Yeah, the road is where you like I I truly think I'm the most lucky dude in comedy right now ever
I mean my weeks Joe. I'm with Tuesday Wednesday Thursday I'm with you Shane Gillis Bryan Simpson around white Tony Ashcliffe and my weekends. I'm with Andrew Schultz
Yeah, and that's it. I'm just I'm full-on in a master class 24-7
But you you're lucky, but you also did all the work to get you to that place
You did all it's like you can't just be lucky because you have to also
There's no shortcuts to creating bits like this. You have they have to be made you have to do them
You have to perform you have to get you have you did the work man
If you weren't ready when Tony recommended you to Andrew, it wouldn't have worked
You had to have done all that work. If you half stepped at any point in your career
You took time off,
started to try a job for a little bit.
You did this, you did that.
You got married, you had kids.
You can't go on the road now
because now you have a mortgage.
Bro, you went down the path
and you could do anything now
because now you're in.
But the beginning is sketchy.
Man, you're just going.
The beginning is touching.
That's why I'm saying if I had a,
it was a 26 year old today and they're's why I'm saying, if I had a 26-year-old today,
and they're like, I'm going to go to open mic night.
Someone starts stand up and be like, OK, all right.
I'll see you at mile 100.
Let's see.
At mile 100.
You say you get to run an ultramarathon.
You know how many people finish those?
Two.
I know Goggins and Haynes.
Way more than finish stand-up careers. Way more. Way way way way way more. Way more.
Way way way way more people finish 100 mile races that start them than have
become a comic that start doing stand-up.
And finish it. I'm realizing this as you're saying it.
Yeah.
When you're doing the math in your head. I'm like yeah people do finish those races.
Yeah they finish them. My friend Cam's run like a dozen of them at least he's probably run 20 of them Goggins
He ran I think Goggins did something crazy. We ran like 20 of them in a month
What was his record? He had some crazy fucking record? I might be selling it short in a month
He just sent me a text message yesterday about how he climbed Mount Everest with his fucking versaclimber
You know what a versaclimber? No, what horrible we have one out there
In the gym, it's an amazing workout. This is this one that thing. Whoa, this motherfucker climbed Mount Everest
And he sent me he sent me an image of it. Hold on a second. How many days that would take him days, right? I
Don't think so. What no, he's he'll do in one session. He's out of his fucking mind man
That's insane over how long I'm trying to see but he did more than that because over a year
There was some crazy number that he did in one year. It is another that says in two
This is from ultra runner magazine
2005 he decided to take on the ultra marathon challenge which involved running over 3100 miles across the United States from San Francisco
To New York without taking any days off
She's mother fucker no one had ever achieved before did he do it
I'm trying to find that out because I was trying to answer both questions at the same time that seems like you died before
Despite however never running more than 13 miles prior to this challenge. She completed it in just over 65 days
What the fuck man 13 miles that's all the fuck man
They ran across the whole country by the way. He did it with destroyed knees
His knees are all fucked up his knees are like he's got no cartilage and shit for me in a seal
From all sorts of things, but I think he was born with like he's one of his knees was kind of fucked up like
Malformed and then the years and years and years of punishment
Yeah
Injuries from being a seal from going through buds just from the years of training like his knees are destroyed. They're destroyed
He's had crazy operations on his knees
Is that him
That was a hundred about look how jacked he was damn son look at that fucking build shoulders, dude
That's crazy little to no food
Wow, he finished the race in 19 hours on broken legs and in kidney failure
That story where he was doing one and he went off track and so yeah like off pace
And then the next day he woke up and did it again. Bro, look how jacked he looks there. Kid, am I wrong? Kidney failure can kill you, right?
100%.
What the fuck?
Bro, look how jacked he looks.
Jesus Christ, I'm jealous.
I don't wanna be built like that.
That's ridiculous.
He looks like fucking, yo, Romero.
He looks incredible.
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous of that body.
I met, do you know who's jacked? Who? I met 50 cent this weekend.
Oh, 50 cents a big fella.
Remember when he was young? Rock.
When he was, he would be on stage shirtless. Shredded.
I mean, yeah, I was, I was looking at him too. Like, I think he's,
I think 50 cent is 50 and he's fucking shredded.
Yeah. He's a big fella. Boy, this, this whole rap world, the, the rap beef,
I'm glad I'm glad I'm ignorant to it
People keep bringing it up and Tony keeps trying to tell you trying to get him
You know dragging me into this nonsense. No, it's a at this point. It's great
I've never seen a rap beat like this. This is they're going the back and forth
I saw a great Drake released another one yesterday because they've gone back and forth now four times a piece
So what does someone have to tap out here? So is this to the death?
I don't I saw a great comment and say that this point these niggas are just doing an album together
Like after after eight songs going back and forth that would be the way to wrap it up
That's what you do to break bread hug it out. Go what you got me with that one
I mean, but it's I'm not gonna lie. So I cuz I love both these guys. This is my era of raps
I love these guys man him J Cole Drake
Kendrick, but Joe
It is pointing out the so personal the things they're saying cuz you know, he's calling them a pedophile in the song literally
Kendrick calling Drake a pedophile and all this stuff and you have an illegitimate daughter Brian
It's such a good joke because he said you have an illegitimate daughter your pedophile you grew women and then Drake's
Comeback was I don't have an 11 year old daughter and Brian said hey, bro address the other shit
Yeah, dad is not a bad thing to be buddy, that's okay
I mean, but it's that point where it's like,
well, okay, what is this, man?
This is crazy.
This is crazy.
Tupac just did it once.
Hey man, I fucked your wife, fat fuck.
All right, that's it.
Yeah, that was it.
And then there was Nas and Jay-Z, the ether.
Yup, Jay-Z said his shit.
Nas ethered him.
Jay-Z said, I'm done.
And I'm going to be Jay-Z.
And then they made up, right?
They're friends now? They're friends now?
They're friends now, yeah.
So that can happen.
It can happen, but I've never seen nothing like this.
The back and forth to this extreme is like,
man, it kinda sucks.
There was the early days of Ice Cube and Eazy-E.
That was great.
Yeah, that was real beef.
That was probably first beef.
And then there was Tim Dog and NWA fuck Compton you don't know about fuck
Compton this is before your time Tim Dog was good Tim Dog was a he was good but
Tim Dog was a guy who unfortunately kind of his identity became the man who went
after NWA when everyone was scared of NWA and everybody was scared of Compton
yeah he was a crazy New York dude interesting you never heard of Tim Dog? who went after NWA when everyone was scared of NWA and everybody was scared of Compton.
He was a crazy New York dude.
Interesting.
You never heard of Tim Dog?
I've never heard of Tim Dog.
Show me some Tim Dog.
Cause I love fucking, I mean I love rap so much.
And I love beef. Tim Dog did the scariest thing.
He went after NWA.
In the prime of NWA?
In the back row days.
Oh yeah.
And when everyone was scared of him,
it was just all guns and ruthless records Raiders had
Yeah, that's Tim dog
That's so New York the fucking chains like that go back to it was the name of the album
It's something on wax click on that. That's the album. I just picked it because it was a good picture of him
Penicillin on wax that's the name of his CD. It's good, man
It's good like he was a really good rapper
But the thing was like that if that's how you break out
Then your identity gets connected to beefing with these very famous
Yeah rappers where I think like if he just went like
The cool G rap way just did his own shit.
People would just love him for his own shit.
But he went after NWA.
That's all you're known for, you're trouble.
I mean, Nas, Ether, Jay-Z, we all were there for that.
That happened.
And Jay-Z's still Jay-Z.
Bro, yeah, Jay-Z's still Jay-Z, but Nas is his fucking man.
His lyrics, I was listening to Rewind the other day
while we were playing pool, I was like, god damn, that song is genius.
It's genius.
Joe, literally, I got to do The Garden with Schulte
this past weekend, and I took the subway to the show,
because I wanted to feel it.
I wanted to be in New York, put on Illmatic,
fucking New York state of mind.
Joe, I was ready to go, bro.
Oh my god.
On the subway, listen to that beat.
Oh my god. Do do go. Oh my god
And what year is that what year we talk about to 93 I could go to 93
He's the best lyricist in my opinion. Yes. He's number one. He's got the man Kendrick Lamar's is tube But man Nas is you gotta argue Nas is right there
For me for my money like first of all, I'm old so I like that 90s rap
Yeah, but it's also like for me Nas was one of the first guys that I listened to him was like
You know like oh
These fucking lyrics are so tight man. I love lyrics man
I love someone is like really fucking good and like piecing together a story and that's why rewind is so good
Yes, not only is it a great story. He does it backwards
It's crazy fucking crazy Joe that is basically like pulling out your 14 inch dick just laying on the dinner table
like what's up
Every other rapper shut the fuck up.
That's made a song backwards.
And it's a perfect story.
It's murderous, yeah.
It makes sense, it's genius.
And you make sure you wanna listen to it again
because you're like, ugh.
Bro, and even his new shit,
he put out an album like two years ago.
It's bangin', man, it's bangin'.
Oh my God.
Just old school, 90s hip hop,
still not lost any of the pace, you know? No, yeah, he did it with the one of the new best producers
Oh my god, I can't think of his name fucking something my name the same guy
He made the beat for like niggas in Paris and stuff, but he's like I like that. He's still in the game
Yeah, bro when you hear hip-hop is dead if you're any way
Doom doom doom. Oh shit, let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
Oh dude.
No, Nas is, he's got some bangers over the years, man.
He's some real bangers, man.
Yeah, now you do, I do notice hanging out with you,
you do like lyrics.
You're a lyric, like whether it be rap or anything,
like it's what the person's kinda talking about,
usually to get you going.
I just love clever lyrics, like I love a clever joke.
You know, it's the same kinda shit. Like I love a clever joke, you know
It's the same kind of shit like we always listen to cool G rap and brand new heavies that death threat. Oh, yeah
When that song starts popping like oh
Let's go
My favorite when you play it's not even a rat but but you got me in the country, but that people say I got a drink
You had a plan and Shane's got a bud light and he's sitting there and he's like Joe the song is making me sad
Think about that shit. I just actually laugh.
Well, our green room playlist is so interesting
because there's so many different kinds of music in it
and it's like, it's all random, so it's all randomized.
So it'll just one Janis Joplin out of nowhere.
Yeah.
You don't even know you wanted to hear that,
but you hear that beginning of
Take a Little Piece of My Heart.
Like, oh shit, baby, sing.
Oh, that what?
Sing, baby. Hot White Cum Lady, oh shit baby sing what's that one thing
baby hot white cum lady oh yeah that's on hot white cum is crazy that song is
crazy because she was a huge artist when she made that song whatever time was so Nuts 2000 ish early 2000s
2003 yeah, yeah, I remember seeing hearing that song like Jesus that lady away from me
Wild that's a wild lady that famous singing that song. She's cool as fuck, too
I had her on the podcast really cool as fuck very cool. We got high together. It's fun
Getting getting high with this fair, but she's just cool just fun fun person fun person to talk to you know most
Artists like they got something inside of them. You know there's something going on in there
Yeah, you know it's fun. Hey, we're like jelly roll. He's fun to hang with fun. Gary Gary Clark. Yeah
He's so fun to hang with he's just the coolest
he's just a
He's like he's a real artist like Gary locks himself in his studio for like 18 hours drives his wife crazy drives
Everybody crazy. He's just sitting there smoking weed drinking whiskey and just playing music
Yeah, I mean he just, he goes for it.
Sometimes I'll text him, he's like,
I'm in the middle of everything, man.
I'm in the middle of it.
I like that. Locked in.
That's how I, I like to do it like that, man.
Just lock in completely, completely.
They do things so much different than us
because they can create in a vacuum.
You know, you can create a song in a vacuum.
You can be by yourself and you create a banger of a song we can't really do that
No, we need it because in your head you can hear the joke sometimes
You're like I'm pretty sure this will go, but you're not is yeah, you need the audience you need to know
It's like you need a translator like you need like you kind of get it
But you need to like you need to like how am I saying this right like you need to like have someone
Translate the words
To the crowd that speaks a different language. Yeah, you gotta like it's all
You know with music I envy that that they could practice on their own, you know
They can just sit alone, but even then I think like performing live is a different animal
Yeah, like if you read a Malcolm Gladwell's book the out loudest, you know, I bought it I haven't read it
But I do have it
It's good to read it's good to listen to it, too
I've listened to the audiobook the audiobook is amazing because Malcolm reads it and
He talks about the Beatles when they were in Germany. So the Beatles went away. They left Liverpool
They go to Germany and Hamburg and they're doing shows like every night every night. They're doing like six seven nights a week
They're doing shows like every night every night. They're doing like six seven nights a week They're doing shows like hours and hours and hours. They come back two years later and everybody's like what the fuck happened
Like how are you guys so good? Like what the fuck happened is cuz these guys were tight
tight as a drum
Just constantly constantly doing shows just constantly working on it
I heard Kobe say that and and one of the things about how
if you work out every day at 9 a.m.
and then you work out again at 4 p.m.,
that's like a regular NBA player,
but what I'm doing is I'm waking up at 3 a.m.
And then I'm working out then,
and then I'm gonna work out again at 6 a.m.
And then I'm gonna work out again at 9 a.m.
So by the time you got your first workout, I got in three.
And he said, and after I do that for years,
I'm the best player in basketball yeah it's like and he was
right he was right it literally just work that's all it was he wasn't like oh
no there's guys who was better than me completely born born better all that but
I outworked him Wow I think that's the case with everything I think that's the
case with music I think that's the case with sports up until the point where
you're being detrimental to your body with sports because I think that's the case with sports, up until the point where you're being detrimental
to your body with sports, because I think
you definitely can overuse.
You could work out too hard where your body's
just too broken down and then you start getting injured.
That's real possible, because at a certain point in time,
you're putting in too much work for your biology
to heal the sessions, you know? For fighting, that must be the hardest. Oh yeah. To judge that. Those guys. What's too much work for your biology to heal the sessions you know for fighting
that must be the hardest oh yeah judge that those guys too much that's the
toughest thing in all of athletics in my opinion is like world championship
fighting because just getting to this just getting into the octagon without an
injury good luck everybody's hurt cuz you fight you got a fight to get ready
that's the crazy part yeah you got gotta fight and guys get staph infections,
tweak knees, fucked up backs and rib injuries
and they fight with those things.
Yeah, they fight. They fight all fucked up.
Now you always hear that like after a guy wins,
they'll be like, and I won with like,
Priara, I won with a broken, he had a broken toe.
Yeah.
The fuck? The fuck? Gotta kick them in the nuts. Exactly. Yeah. With it like prerah one with a broken he had a broken toe. Oh, yeah, the fuck the fuck
Crazy crazy yeah, those guys are always hurt
How about a Ben was in the knee he had a fucking staph infection on his head when he fought Dustin Poirier
And he couldn't he knew he had like one good round in him
So he just went after Dustin the first round try to take him out
And he got knocked out in the second round and then afterwards you saying that like the the staff infection just drained him. There was nothing left. That's what happens
Is that the war Dustin kept trying to do the guillotine? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was the best
Fighters after after winning a fight is thinking about William fucking Montgomery.
I know, it's crazy.
Killtony has emerged, man.
It's emerged.
When Tony was on the cover of Variety magazine, I was like, whoa, that's undeniable.
That's undeniable.
I do wonder, because it's like, man, what?
It's only going to get bigger, because I don't think that show is at a like, oh, I think
that show is like, this might be the beginning of what this show might be. Oh, it's not nearly where it's only gonna get bigger because I don't think that show is that I like oh It's I think that show is like this might be the beginning of what this show might be
Oh, it's not it's not nearly where it's going to be. Yeah, it's gonna be even bigger
It's gonna continue to grow. I thought Tony's like bro
You're gonna have some open mic or doing their first set in that goddamn football stadium in Texas. Yeah. Yeah, legitimately
Yeah, easily it could be that and also he when they do the live show, you know, they they put on a production
I mean, there's a lot going on, you know, they had jelly roll singing, you know
Jelly roll is a crazy comedy fan. He was a mother shit this weekend
You know there to hang out with Steve Byrne when we were in Nashville. He pulled up just came to the show
We were at the Grand Ole Opry and he came out saying some songs with it was like they were singing Garth Brooks with jelly
roll at the Grand Ole Opry Tony told me that he took him out to clubs afterwards and
That they were playing and Tony would play the drums and Jelly Roll was singing
Yeah
Nothing can't sing simple man with Tony on drums
Yeah, can you imagine you just at at some bar in Nashville, just hanging out, and Jelly Roll rolls up,
and he goes on stage and sings a Leonard Skinner song
with Tony Hinchcliffe playing the drums.
Sounds like a fucking mad lib.
Doesn't even sound real.
Doesn't even sound real.
And Tony came into these like,
what kind of life are we living?
He goes, how is this real?
Man, Joe, I be thinking that shit.
All the time, I do too.
I can't, yeah. Yeah, I think I do too. I can't even, yeah.
I can't.
Yeah, I think it all the time.
Doesn't make any sense.
Just this week, Joe, it went,
it went Mass Square Garden, Mass Square Garden here.
Yeah.
To do this pod.
This three days have been like, what the fuck?
Yeah, what the fuck?
What the fuck, man?
What the fuck?
Just from an open mic?
Just from deciding to do an open mic one night,
12 years ago in Memphis, Tennessee?
Staying on the path.
How many years has it been now? 12, just been 12. Staying on night 12 years ago in this thing on the path how many years have been now 12 just be 12 staying on the
path it's just staying on the path that's the thing it's just stay on the
path stay on the path yeah but just like what Kobe Bryant was saying same thing
work yeah just getting that work stay on the path and the difference between the
guys who work and the guys just kind of half-asset like we've seen guys come
through that they have one foot in and one foot out you can see it. Yeah, I see it
You see it when they bomb whoo you see when they bomb it's like oh, you're not doing this
You're not getting up
You're not really getting up and you're not really putting yourself around the best communities you can put yourself around
Yeah, you can see you're not oh either there your openers or whatever it is, but you're not around it
Yeah, and you're all in your head
You're not free. Yeah
Those guys that are free like a tell a tells free. He's free when he's up there. He's free
Shane's free. Yeah, that's a that's like a place that you can get to everybody can get there
If you're good, if you can get laughs, you can get there. You just need to keep keep working on it
Yeah, but that's the thing is like it really is it's it's a skill that can be developed
It's not as simple as you're you're the talented or you're not
It's like yeah, you have to have something like there's some some people that just they can't make anybody laugh ever
They're just not funny. They're just not funny
And usually they're mentally ill
Usually the people that aren't funny, but they try really hard to be funny
They're usually like really mentally ill and some of them somehow or another develop careers like they have
like a modicum of a career but if you like go to their Instagram it's all
weird like signaling it's all pretending you're something you're not it's like
this weird thing where they're just trying to like find something that sticks. They're like a formless jellyfish trying to pretend that it's a tree.
You know what I mean?
There's something about them that's like weird.
But if they can ask, if they look the right way and they say the right things, they can
kind of eke out some bizarre existence where they can pretend that they're a comedian
and it can last for years.
Some of them stick around, they host shows,
they do things, it's like, what are you doing?
That is the one thing I did love about sports
is that you can't pretend fight.
You can't pretend to hit a baseball, Joe.
You gotta hit the baseball, period.
But you do have fighters that are professional fighters that are not good
Yeah, like in boxing there's guys that they will call because they know this guy's a dumbass and they'll fight Mike Tyson
I mean, that's what how they built Mike Tyson's career. They took a bunch of guys are kind of like
You know not they're not Kobe Bryant mentality, you know
They're kind of like just sort of professionally boxing and losing a bunch
And maybe they have losing records like a lot of them have like they lost more than they've won
Yeah, but they're a professional boxer, and they're willing to fight this 19 year old kid from Brownsville. It's gonna take your fucking head off
From hell from hell okay, boy. Yeah, so that that's how they develop like careers
And so with stand-up you get those guys too because some comics they like weak comics going on in front of them
So they'll take this person who's like barely
Should be a comedian
They really barely should be doing stand-up and they'll have them open in front of crowd and torture this audience
So they can come on stage 20 minutes later and look like a hero hero
This looks totally unchallenged so smooth and polished and so confident
Yeah, that shit. Yes, so you have that weirdness in in anything even in fighting
You have that weirdness where someone's kind of they're doing it
But they're kind of like half doing it and they can still have a career though, so kind of sort of you know, but same thing. They're not making any real money
Yeah, you know you just kind of like getting by or even just a lasting impression just like yeah
Yeah, I like you know because there are some comments you can tell they you can tell that they operate outside of the world of like
Peers they operate kind of on their own like and they don't
Really want that you know I like my the idea of my peers thinking I'm funny,
and being in this group that we have,
and everyone making each other better.
But you can tell some comics kinda don't wanna
operate in that world.
I think they get isolated,
and usually they get isolated by success.
And especially if they're old school guys,
because the old school guys,
people did root for your downfall
And if they didn't come up with us in the store
Which is I think the first time where that sort of attitude of camaraderie like really got
Polished and developed. Yeah, whereas it existed in small pockets where they had friends
But there's so many stories of one friend getting something and the other friend turning on them because they were jealous
There's so many with guys that we know say super famous. They've done podcasts about it. Yeah.
So there was always that, you know, but I think when some guys make it and then they start doing
touring and clubs and then doing theaters, they just bring their opening act everywhere. So they
have an opening act they work with, they bring that person everywhere and they rarely do sets in town And then they become isolated and then you become like an island I refer to these people as islands
It's a great. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah islands their islands
And so they're not connected to the mainland and so there's a sadness to that existence. Yes. It's weird
It's not good and you can tell they act like or you see it on them
They would like to pretend like they don't care, but it's like I think you do
I think when you lay your head down tonight you want
Friends, but I like that we work out together. I like that like we are all friends outside of this as well
I like that feeling yeah, yeah, it's it's everything it's it's a big part of it the clubhouse
Clubhouse it's a big part of why it's so entertaining and why it's so fun
It's like you we we're laughing as much in the room as we are watching people on stage. It's like in that room
It's like there's and everybody's free. It's like everybody knows everybody loves them. Yes free when everyone walks in everybody hugs each other
That's my friend. Yo Ronald come in and then Tony comes in
Yeah, man, bro, we're very very very very lucky very lucky the luckiest, Joe, but we also did the thing
We actually took the chance and we came out here, you know fucking 49ers. That's what I feel like
I think the universe wanted it to happen. I know that sounds corny. I know that sounds ridiculous
I know that sounds like new age II
But I just don't I don't know how everything else could have lined up so perfectly like if you had
if you had a calculation, so what are the odds of a new comedy scene emerging in the middle of the country and
emerging in a way that
All the young people are moving here all the young people that want to have a career and then have it
Connected to something like kill Tony which is the very
best platform ever for someone to develop a career if you if you have a good few minutes you can go on kill Tony you
Could be on the real look at Cam Patterson look at Cam Patterson
Killing it every week new minute killing it killing monster, but I don't want Tucker Carlson was on just killing it
Just killing it.
Just killing it all the time.
But you can develop a career.
Look at William Montgomery.
Killing it.
KC Rocket.
KC Rocket.
All these guys.
You can really develop a career.
And the way the club is set up, I almost called it the store, the way the mothership is set
up, it's like you have a real path.
Guys will take you on the road.
You do get spots. If you're a door path like guys will take you on the road. Yep They'll you do get spots if you're a door person you get people watch you
Yeah, if you're coming up people will watch you and you can't think you deserve more than you get either like everybody gets what they deserve
It's just it's a long ass fucking brutal process. Yes, but you have a possibility
There's a path is a real path the light it's lit
You know you can not everybody finishes that hundred mile race
But you can get on that path
Especially in that stage the stage where you got like five good minutes. Yeah, this is what you're banking your life on like oh my god
I could have gone to school. I wish sometimes I had a health care plan
Alexis fuck fuck fuck fuck
Yeah, fuck look good if I could bet I wish we could sometimes game along comedy
I would if I had stock man, I'd put it in Ken Patterson. Oh, yeah, right song. I was like, oh, that's one of them things
He's one of them things that is very rare. I think yeah, you know words 100 words 100 words
This is no, that's 100% by 100% That's 100% 100% yeah, you know words 100 where it's a hundred where it's this is not that's a hundred percent by a hundred percent
That's a hundred percent hundred percent. Yeah, there's uh, there's guys where you're like, man
I don't know like William in the beginning like I don't know if it's gonna work out
Well, yeah, if you were early adopter of William Montgomery stock you'd be like, wow, I fucking called that bitch
Yeah, Tony's rich man.
Yeah, that's a hard one to call.
But Ken Patterson is one of those few men where I,
I wasn't around for Eddie Murphy,
but that's how I look at him.
I'm like, man, you really are special, man.
You are a special dude.
Well, he's just so friendly in real life and so silly,
you know, and fun. And authentically him.
Yep, authentically him.
And he could do that on stage.
And that exercise of doing a new minute every week is crazy
Could you imagine doing it five years in joke so hard to do man so hard to do
Kim Kongden Sarah Sarah one shank they were like the first to do it
Kim's killing out there both. They're both killed. I mean, yeah, and they're out here all the time, too
That's that's the the coolest thing is to see how many people decided to join us, you know
But if you had to put odds on that, what are the odds?
The odds are like a fucking million to one like what are the what are the possibilities that all those things are gonna happen
In that order, you know Spotify
Pandemic
The George Floyd come out here
Everyone's cool do indoor shows
Everything's locked down everywhere else everyone's at a job all the employees of the comic store are all fired
No one has jobs. No, there's no club. You can hire people bring them out here and everybody starts coming like what are you guys doing?
What are y'all up to? Fuck are y'all up to? That's what it felt like. What the fuck are y'all up to over here?
Just come. Come join.
That's what it feels like. Not like real come but it does feel like man it's our like family
bro. It's the people who came early. It does feel that way.
And it can help shape the way comedy is done in the whole country because it's done for
the comedians. Like it's a club that's set up for the comedians
and it recognizes that the comedians
are the reason why people are there.
They're not just there to buy drinks,
they're not just there because the club is cool,
they're there for the talent, so give the talent money.
And you paid.
First thing I did, oh bro, I never had money, Joe,
but the first thing I did, brother,
I took all the door guys to get sushi.
We balled the fuck out.
That's the most money I've ever spent on anything, Joe.
I'm talking about I spent the whole check I got
on sushi for the boys.
And that never, oh, it felt great.
And Whitney was there with, your wife was there too.
Literally, Whitney and your wife were there,
Whitney's like, what are all y'all doing here?
And we're like, we're about to get some fucking sushi.
She was like, Joe Rogan's fucking paying y'all.
She's like, what the fuck are y'all making?
It was like, oh no, man.
That's my favorite thing though,
was being able to have money and just go out
with the door guys and be able to pay for dinner.
Like, they don't have to pay for dinner.
I can pay for dinner.
No, that's nice.
It's nice.
Woo.
Yeah, it's nice that you feel that way too.
That's what's important, that you want to do that.
That's what's important. And it makes everybody feel good. What people doing for me? You, at shows, so it's nice that you feel that way too. That's what's important, that you wanna do that. That's what's important.
And it makes everybody feel good.
What people doing for me?
You, it shows, so it's like, man, the idea of like,
oh, how nice, and I know what it's like to just be like,
man, bro, it's either not eat tonight
or eat like a McDonald's thing,
or Derek's taking us to get a steak.
Right, let's go.
Go, you know?
Yeah, yeah, when we first started doing that,
I remember Ari was like super poor.
I would take him on the road and be like, we're gonna order.. I'm like order whatever the fuck you want, man. Let's go
Let's have some steaks
Let's have fun. Yeah, it's like
It's it's did anyone ever do that for you Joe. Did you just start doing that? No, I just started doing that nobody
No, I didn't nobody took me on the road
Really? Yeah
I mean
I had a couple guys that I opened for
in the early days, like Lenny Clark was the big one.
Because Lenny Clark, I opened for Lenny.
I'd been doing comedy for one year.
And Mark Clark just started, he tried me out
at this one place, it was called Jays
in Pittsfield, Massachusetts.
And Lenny was just coming off of the HBO
young comedian special with Rodney.
Wasn't like Sam Kinison? Yes. Whoa. So Lenny was, and Lenny was just coming off of the HBO Young Comedians special with Rodney. Wasn't like Sam Kinnison?
Yes.
So Lenny was a legend in Boston.
And Lenny was like, Kid, you're funny.
He goes, I fucking loved it.
He was talking to me about different bits.
It was real fun.
And so to me that was like a giant boost that I got from Lenny Clark.
I was like, holy shit, this is incredible.
And then I became friends with Lenny.
And so I would, you know, I did quite a few shows
with Lenny in Boston, in and around Boston,
but nobody ever took me on the road.
Wow.
No, I came out here to LA, came out there to LA,
and I started doing the store,
and I was mostly just doing the store,
and then Dice told me I should do the road.
Yeah. Andrew Dice Clay. Dice told me in the back of the comedy store, Dice is me I should do The Road. Yeah.
Andrew Dice Clay.
Dice told me in the back of the comedy store,
Dice is always cool to me.
And he was always one of those ones
where I just couldn't believe I was talking to Dice.
I was like, this is just so weird.
I was listening to his cassette in my car
when I was 19 years old.
I remember this girl I was dating,
we were howling like, we're sitting in front of my house.
I'll never forget, I could picture the scene. we're sitting in front of my house I'll never forget I could picture the scene or sitting in front of my house in the car, and we're both like ah
Just crying laughing and then all sudden. I'm in the parking lot of the comic store and dice is giving me advice
It's like you should do the road. I'm like really it's like yeah
He goes you don't need these fucking jerk-offs to tell you where your money comes from
Do the road he goes you have a real career. You'll always have that
He goes you you can make a lot of money out there. I was like how'd you do the road?
So I had just been doing the store like I'd done I had done the road when I lived in New York
You know cuz like that's how you made a living I I would go places and you know, I'd go to Connecticut and Jersey, I'd do road gigs,
weekends places. That's how I was making money. But then when I came to LA, I was basically
just doing the Comedy Store and the Lab Factory and working on sitcom news radio. Yeah. And
then Dice was like, you should do the road. And I was like, I should do the road. And
then I started going on the road. So I was headlining. So Wow, I didn't. like I just do the road and then I started going on the road so I was headlining So wow I didn't so I just took guys from the store
So I realized early on like this is like when I really had a really hard time following Joey
But I realized that Joey was so funny that if I knew that if I could follow him
I was like this will like really pick up my comedy because he's so hard to follow. It was so scary
like really pick up my comedy because he's so hard to follow it was so scary I can't imagine that. I was like this is the only way to do it because I knew that Joey didn't want a headline
Joey was crazy back then. Joey was so wild that I started hiring Ari to come with us as well in case
Joey didn't show up
So if Joey showed up it was a three-man show and if Joey didn't show up it was a two-man show
Showed up it was a three-man show and if Joey didn't show up it was a two-man show
Because Ari could go up and he won't it's like I don't want to not have Joey
But Joey was so crazy back then but I didn't want to put pressure on him either So it was like let's just come if you come you don't I fucking eat your plane ticket or whatever
Yeah, and so Ari doesn't know if he's featuring our host
He's assuming that we always did a tag team anyway.
So he's assuming he's always gonna go on first,
which is correct, and he's assuming
he's gonna bring up Joey.
But he might not.
He might not.
Be bringing up Joey.
But it was fine, it was fine.
But I started taking them on the road
because I was like, it's way more fun
when you bring people.
It's way more, I figured that out early on.
I'm like, you to travel with your friends
Like you don't want to just it was lonely
You just try travel to Pittsburgh and you're like hanging out with the the people that work there like okay. Um
Guess I'm gonna go to my hotel and go to sleep and go jerk off and go to sleep
Fuck kind of life is this this is weird and they just look forward to the show the next day
And you're alone in the gym fucking lifting weights feeling weird as Opposed to if I bring those guys we were just laughing everywhere
Yeah, so it's just laughs we just go have a good time
We go eat together hang out the park together fucking do whatever go to the pool together always your comics say that to it
I'm not I mean what doesn't help to be headline assumed, but you hear comments be like oh man
You know you want to bring somebody, but it just costs a little too much money or cost money
It's like to me. That's what you're paying for it all right 100%
I'm paying so I can have a good comfortable time. I think to this day my photo of Joey when I call him is
Joey at the pool in Austin yeah that photo right there
That's Joey with Ari in the background. Oh
We're hanging out the pool when we're on the road together
That's fucking yes when you are Joey calls me what I call him I'll call him right now so fuck yeah everybody can see it it doesn't show the
image why doesn't show the image it's an old-ass image hmm sometimes when you
call people it shows you the full you. It shows you the picture. Yeah, how come it doesn't do that?
I don't know.
Either way, that's the picture.
That was us.
People made shirts like that.
I think we were in Austin.
Pretty sure we were in Austin.
God, look at Ari.
Look at that, mother fucker.
That was young Ari.
That was Ari when he was a door guy.
Wow.
Yeah, when he just lost his religion
just a few years earlier.
Ari was like radical, you know like
What what sect of would you call him fundamentalist Judaism? What was it? What would you call it?
Orthodox he was all-in. Oh, he was all-in. No, he's 19 or 20. He's like this bullshit
Things 21 those bullshit. You met him coming off for live conservative Jewish and then his parents
adopted or orthodox Jewish beliefs this according to the Wikipedia okay so
that's when he moved to Israel yeah and he's like reading the Talmud 12 hours a
day like he was all in and then became this chaotic
hilarious crazy.
Yeah. And I met him when he was at the
store just working the door and then,
you know, watched him do a few sets and
said, you want to come on the road?
Took him on the road. We did a bunch of
sets together.
Had a great fucking time.
Door guy.
Yeah. Door guys.
Yeah. And it's also just like,
you know, given lighting the path
and letting people know that there's a real path here.
You can, you go from doing open mic nights
to putting together sets, you do guest spots,
and then you do a little bit of sets in town,
and then someone comes along and says,
hey, you wanna try opening up on the road?
You do 15 minutes, can you do 15?
You know, and some guys, I ask them,
can you do 15 minutes?
And they really can't, because they have, really they have three five-minute sets of the same jokes
mmm but you don't know because you're only doing five minutes at a time
exactly so they don't know that the problem is if you cover that same
subject three different times you can't you can't piece that together and make
15 minutes you're just covering the subject in one way what you really
should be doing is condensing that shit, cutting it up, and attaching them all together. And don't try to make it like three,
five minutes. You're just lazy.
Yeah, it should be one chunk.
Exactly. Exactly.
And that's what makes you Brian Simpson. That is what makes you a great comic.
Exactly. That's what makes you a Joey Diaz.
It's not 15 minutes anymore. It's four minutes. You know, it's one chunk and it's bang, bang,
bang, bang, murderous. Yeah. So there's, you know, it's one chunk and it's bang bang bang bang murderous
Yeah, so there's you know, there's a few guys you take them in the road. They just they didn't
But if whatever it is, they didn't have the extra horsepower to make it up the hill
It's like listen, man. You got to get up that hill. Yeah, no one's gonna help you I can't hold your hand. You got to get up that hill on your own. It's the only way to do this
Some people don't make it up the hill, bro
Yeah, even though you love them you love them. They don't make it up the hill bro. Yeah even though you love them, you love
them they don't make it up the hill. You love them, you think they're great guys, they want you to
still take them on the road and like hey man you gotta make it up the hill. You gotta make it up
the hill. I can't have you bombing everywhere you know. I've seen people ask you to try to go up on
the Rogan and friends and like you try you help some people's just, but then they, it's just.
When they bomb, it's awful.
It's awful.
Yeah.
Especially when the crowd's so,
like Assange just murdered, and Brian just murdered,
you know what I mean?
It's just like, oh no.
Yeah.
You gotta make it up the hill.
But you can, and just because you have a bad set that night,
it doesn't mean everybody's writing you off,
but if you don't adjust if you don't course, correct
You're gonna continue to have bad sets. You know you got to figure out What is what am I doing wrong like what is different about what I'm doing and these people that are doing it really good
That's the best part of watching the thing is
Comedy is a weird art form in that there's no real
Place where you can learn
it other than doing it.
You could learn how to play guitar.
Some of the great guitar players, they're self-taught, but you could learn.
You could go to a place, they could teach you how to play guitar.
They could teach you online.
There's tons of tutorials on how to learn how to play guitar that are free.
You can get them on YouTube.
Learn how to play guitar. You're not going to learn how to play guitar that are free you can get them on YouTube learn how to play guitar you're not gonna learn how to do comedy okay
yeah you got to do it it's so personal that's what makes it so beautiful it's
so personal and there's a lot of really funny people that aren't funny on stage
how's that it's weird it doesn't make sense sometimes right it's weird it's
weird when you see him bomb on stage and you see him in real life and they're
funny like what is going on and then they go almost like the great like you'll It doesn't make sense sometimes. Right, it's weird. It's weird when you see them bomb on stage and you see them in real life and they're funny.
Like, what is going on?
And then they go, almost like the great,
like you'll see them in the green room
and they'll be this, the comedian.
And then they go on stage and they're like,
but let me become a comedian.
Like what I think a comedian is.
So aware, so aware that they're performing.
So aware, not locked into the thought at all but
instead hoping for a good result with every word that comes out of their mouth
yeah hoping for a good result yes that feeling in the air of desperation you
know you could the crowd could taste you ever see a desperate dude trying to hit
out a girl it's the saddest shit of all time. It's like he smells like shit
She's just trying to get away with him get away from him, you know, cuz desperation stinks
Sinks on girls to it stinks on everybody stinks on comedians stinks desperation stinks
We don't like it. It's uncomfortable. I don't want to feel that way
So if you're I want you to be having fun, you know when I see someone like with Schultz at the roast
He's having fun. Yeah, I want to be watching the person who's having fun
I don't want to be watching in someone who's like even if your comedy is really well-written. It's gonna suck if you're desperate
Yes, yeah, yeah watching someone have fun. God watching that fucking guy Schultz. Yeah
He has a good ass time, and he's enjoying all the success. You know he's enjoying every step of the way
That's very important, too, because, you know, a lot of people get upset
that people promote things and show them on stage killing it.
But you got to understand, like that, that is
that's you. That's on that's on you.
That's like you. He's celebrating success.
This is like this is gratitude in a physical form. If that bothers you, that only you. He's celebrating success. This is gratitude in a physical form.
If that bothers you, that's you.
What you want me to do, man?
That's your problem.
This is him at the Garden.
I don't see if this is him, but let's go.
Oh, we were there.
Oh, look at the boy!
Joe, watching this guy, watching this guy,
I swear to God, Joe, and I've told him this a hundred times,
I'll be watching him.
I'll get off stage.
My second show at the Garden, I thought I had one
of the best sets I've ever had in my life, Joe. In my life. I watched his first
ten minutes just riffing about New York and I'll be like, I don't even, I didn't even
do the same thing. I'm not even doing the same thing. He's killing so hard. And he brought
50 Cent out too at the end, right? Oh yeah, he brought him out. Did 50 Sing? Oh, he did.
Joe, we got the rap. We rapped Hater to Love It together. Oh my God. He tapped me up and
went through my body, Joe. That's amazing, that's amazing.
But I like that he lives like this.
I like that he's like a bigger, better,
let's everybody, let's be bigger, better, bigger.
We can all be bigger and better.
Yes.
And I like that.
That's why I gravitate towards him, I feel like,
because he makes me wanna be bigger and better
and do better.
I felt like that the moment I met him.
The moment I met him was that I'd seen him
do some stuff online.
I guess it was probably YouTube or Instagram,
I forget what it was.
And then I came to the store and I heard
he was doing a show.
So I came to stop by to watch him.
I remember this night, Joe.
Yeah.
I remember this night.
I met him in the back.
Yep.
Main room, he went up, he fucking killed,
and then he did the pod.
I remember this shit.
Yeah, it was fun.
I didn't even know him yet.
Yeah. I just remember just being a fly on the wall watching these
moments.
There's good guys out there, man. There's good guys out there. And there's a lot of
people that would be good guys if they were in the right group of people. And they don't
feel like they can be good guys because they're all like shielded and protected. And some
guys are good guys when things are going great for them. But when things aren't going great,
then they're cunts.
And all of a sudden they... That's because they weren't good guys, though.
That's who they really were.
Yeah, well, they're just narcissists,
and it's the same, that old school thing,
where they only want them to be successful,
and they only celebrate people
that are way less successful than them.
If they do celebrate people,
it's always someone who's like kind of okay,
and then they pretend they're really amazing.
That shit's so, oh my God.
And then they'll tell people like a song or something that they can't over-perform.
Like, you know, they'll give them excuses to why, like, oh, just, you know, wear this
or that.
It's like, no, you just murdered, that's why.
Yeah.
Well, when you kick a guy off the tour because he's killing too hard, that's when it's a
real problem.
I've seen that happen.
It's happened to your boy.
Yeah, I bet.
It's happened to your boy, Joe.
We know the names.
Come on. Yeah. But, you know, that's on them. They have to live with that. That's not good.
You know, take your medicine. Yeah. Also, don't you want the show to be good? That's
what I've been thinking about. Don't you want the people in the show to also leave going,
I love the whole show, not just the main guy. I love the whole thing. But I think what people
could take out of this that don't give a fuck about comedy or stand up, is that the mentality of doing it the right way,
you could apply that to everything in your life,
to everything.
You apply that to whatever you do for a living,
apply that to your friendships, apply that to everything.
You'll have a better life, it's a better way to live.
And you can do it, everybody can do it.
It's not hard to do, it's hard to do,
but it's not like it's impossible.
It just requires a readjustment
of the way you think about things.
Yeah, man.
Loving is so much more fun.
Oh, it's so much more fun.
It's just loving is so much more fun.
Look at the dog, bro.
They're having a good time.
Just love.
Yeah, stop trying to be the man.
Even if you are the man, don't even think about it.
Just keep going. Just have fun. Just have a good time. Even when the man don't even think about it just just keep going just have fun just have a good time even where you are yeah don't think
about yeah never dwell dwell on that shit think think about what's important
what's important is friendship fun this thing that you're trying to get better
at you know community I love the community we have. Yeah, and we all have very different versions
of the same idea.
We're trying to develop great bits
and trying to have a great set.
We're all trying to do a different version
of that same idea.
So we're all just, all of us are working on shit.
And we all have good advice for each other.
Every now and then, Tony will hit you with a tagline.
Someone will come up with, Brian will say,
hey, you do it like this, but I feel like one time
I heard you, you did it different,
and I like that better.
You're like, oh yeah, that's right.
Having guys like that is watch your shit
and talk to you about it.
Well, you said that to me,
just try to open it with this.
Sometimes just moving something.
Yeah, Joey Diaz has said that to me
also on the phone yesterday
He was talking about this guy who went up and he he said something kind of fucked up like right away
He goes he goes you can't just do that to him
He goes they gotta get him to fall in love with you first
Don't just fucking dive into this stupid shit get him to fall in love with you first
He was then he can get away with it later. You get with everything
Yeah, and it's also like you you know them now. They know you you know each other
We like each other now. I could be free now. I can get loose and you know
I heard you say that to Tony like Tony smile. Yeah, have a good time smile
Happy Tony's the best Tony's happy when Tony's happy. It's the hardest murder. It's yeah mean Tony is like
Settle down Tony. You need to go to the gym
But it's it's you know, that's like, that intensity is also like, that can be harnessed.
Like you could be, you have the same intensity, but don't focus it in like this angry, mean
way.
You know?
Yeah.
Just focus it, what's the best way?
What's the best way to use this energy?
Don't just give in to the gluttony, you know?
The gluttony.
Yeah, the gluttony of anger, meanness, or whatever the fuck it is.
Just have fun.
It comes up in us all, though.
God, it comes up quick where you just feel something like...
What did you say that day we were working out?
And we were about to start talking shit, and then Marshall came up, and Marshall was like...
And he was like, look at Marshall.
She's like, no, daddy, stop talking shit.
You know? And you were like look at Marshall She's like no daddy
Yeah, we were talking shit, but we were right
Crazy we were now after we were talking that shit that it was confirmed. I knew it
I knew it but that's that's again. That's that old-school
Stupid way of thinking that my dog does not participate in
Everybody he's funny man hanging us. We're doing kettlebell swings shit. I know she's just running in between legs
Don't misgender my dog
That's the problem it's a good time for you. Oh, bro. The world is changing in my favor, baby
For your boy. I feel like I'm a part of it. How did you develop a like of trans porn?
Honestly honestly just scrolling through porn one one regular day just like any other guy nothing's wrong with you nothing wrong didn't get struck by lightning Nope, just scrolling through I saw a woman with a fucking hog. Yeah, and was like
And she was beautiful, hmm, she was actually beautiful did you get confused no, I was finally not confused
He's gave into it. I was a me. Oh, you liked it told my wife. I said yo, what the fuck is this what she said?
It's wrong with you
And I was like I liked it because that's also what I don't like is the guys who don't want to act like they don't
Watch it
20 million views every video. It ain't just me baby, right? It ain't just your boy. It's a lot
You know what? I saw that was real? Someone posted this video, this is totally unrelated,
so no one thinks I'm connecting these two, but someone posted this thing on Instagram of a video of showing children dancing around,
like the people posting their children dancing around, and then they went and saw like who is liking this video and who is following this video,
who's following this person.
And then they went to those accounts
and they went to some of those accounts
and some of those accounts are straight up pedophiles.
Yeah.
Straight up pedophiles who are like watching your kid
dance around and they watch your kid
and they're fucking legit sex offenders, and they're online
Yeah, that's fucking why you shouldn't have your kids online. Yeah, and some of them have a
Different language so you like use a translator and you can translate it and see what they're saying yeah
Yeah, they're real man. It's like this like don't put your kids online kids. No don't do that
There's transport on there like don't you can't you kids. No, don't do that. There's transport on there
It's like don't you can't you can't you can't see that young? Yeah, you can't
Kids today are just being inundated with images and things that we never saw when we were kids
Well, I'm obviously a lot older than you but even you never saw no
When was the first time you saw someone get murdered on Instagram?
Great question.
I would say
20s, probably like mid 20s,
where you're like whoa.
I've seen somebody like a video of just somebody
like falling or somebody getting hit by something
where you're like what the fuck?
Where you're like oh that person's dead.
Yeah.
So I'd say around mid, when I was like mid-late 20s,
when you started seeing people just die,
scrolling through your phone.
Dude, I see it all the time.
Almost every day I see people die.
Almost every day.
Yeah.
I was on Twitter yesterday, and I saw this video of this dude.
This lady was complaining that this dude was too loud.
She was trying to go to sleep.
So the guy beat her to death in the hallway
He hit he I don't know what he had in his hand
It's like a kind of a blurry security camera
but he
He keeps hitting her with this thing and then she pleads for him and then he hits her in the head and she goes
Unconscious and then he gets on top of her is just beating her to death
Bro, and then they had him according to this post they had him in jail
They had him in trial and he said she said she wanted to go to sleep, but now now she sleeps real good
Like after he beat her to death. I don't know if he actually said that if someone's right
Yeah, the fucking movie lines the video of him doing it though is the most disturbing shit you'll ever see
It's like this lady. It's like overweight lady who can't defend herself at all and she's got her hands up she's getting just beaten.
I can't watch this shit. I scroll by it. It's impossible to watch.
It's horrible. It's horrible to watch and there's so many of them. So many people
get stabbed and shot, ran over by cars like fuck man.
And people post it casually. That's what I don't, to post it so casually is wow.
There was one street takeover yesterday in Chicago,
and I guess it was a cop that had just gotten off duty.
And he was driving through, and he tried to drive
through the street takeover, and they shot him
multiple times.
So this cop's in his car, and he hit some people.
There's like, you know, they're trying to block the road and shit
They're trying and he's trying to get through and you know, he thinks he's a cop so he's gonna be able to do this
and then you hear just
Somebody just unloads a gun on him. That shit makes me sick because like you'll hear like about like a rap or dying and then two
Seconds later to see the video and it's like I don't think I'm supposed to live like I don't think I'm supposed to live
Like that what happens if Kendrick Lamar and Drake run into each other in the wild?
Drake would fucking destroy that little guy. Yeah, he's a tiny little dude. But what if Kendrick is
Expecting that so he comes prepared with good. I mean the nice thing I like about this era is everyone's way gayer
comes prepared. I mean, the nice thing I like about this era
is everyone's way gayer.
Everyone's just so fucking gay and nice.
Everyone has their fingernails painted.
They're just gonna talk shit,
they're not gonna shoot each other.
I don't believe this is a Tupac Biggie era.
This is not.
I think that ended, I think that's honestly
when that ended as far, as far as,
rappers still get killed, but I think the idea
of rappers killing each other, I feel like that was like,
oh man, this made me went a little too far.
I feel like that's people that are confident that no one's
gonna use the nuclear bomb today just cuz they'd start having used the nuclear
bomb since 1945 Derek relax we're not we don't we're not nuking each other yeah
you say that you say that but it happened it happened in history you know
tyranny has always taken place this tyranny right now in the world right is
North Korea you go there's run by a dictator Yeah, it's full on communism that that shit exists. It's real. It's today
2024 you wake up normal in America living in Texas yee-haw land of the free
Not there not there same timeline same time on earth it exists. This is human natural human pattern and
To think that the rappers can't shoot each other today is crazy. I know but I don't want them to. They're so fucking, they're so not tough
because like what I like about Tupac and Biggie they were fucking real man. Not to
say that Drake and Kendrick didn't come up, I'm sure Kendrick from Compton he's
probably seen some fucking shit but what he raps about is that he's a literally a
good kid from this mad city. Drake raps about how he's this sensitive guy who
just wants to fall in love you know what I mean? Like you can't put those words back in a bottle
You know you say some dark shit about people's families like why
Okay, but why also it's like
Do you want to engage in that for what reason yeah? What is that?
What's the end goal don't you like you know one of the things people do like in a street fight?
People don't think where does this go they just think I want to punch this guy fuck this dude
I'm gonna punch this guy and you think you just punched that guy
But now you've created a real problem because if that guy's still alive
He's gonna remember that you punched him and he's gonna want to get it back
And he's gonna figure out a way to do it
You know
Maybe if he's the type of dude is getting involved involved in street fights, he probably makes bad decisions.
And so you set off a chain of events that could lead to your death, other people's deaths,
prison time, all kinds of crazy shit that can happen just because you couldn't keep
your emotions controlled in one moment and you didn't think it out.
You think, I'm just going to fuck this guy up.
It's not that simple.
Like, they're not, nobody likes getting fucked up.
They're going to come back tomorrow with some friends.
They're going gonna get a gun
Someone's gonna do something. Yeah, these motherfuckers are talking about each other's kids
That's all in songs talking about each other's actual children
So it can't be that they're thinking about where this goes because if you thought about where this goes just it don't go to
Anywhere good it goes only one place
You know what's my ass because right now everyone's like Oh Kendrick's killing them and we were talking about this for sure
So I was like, yeah, I'd say Kendrick is up right now. He's probably winning this battle and he's being right way meaner the clever all that stuff
But I don't think when he went to bed he felt good. No no no can't be while you will got into this business
There's no way and also for you two to be the two biggest rappers in the world and doing this
It can't feel good because you know it's funny. I wanted it
I'm one of the people that when it first happened I was like guys
Yeah, but two best are going at it. This is what we want and now that it's happening like wow
I didn't want this at all and this is dark and it seems like this one how many songs are they really so they both
I think they're both at like three or four. I think they're both at three
Both at four
Four each Jesus Christ eight. That's so crazy now imagine if they put that much creativity into positivity
Imagine if they just released new bangers all the time that they created based on world events, you know
They have songs together. Yeah, they're about eight right now together
If Nas was mad at Israel and Palestine going to war and just went at them the way he went at Jay-z
How genius would that be?
Whenever you mean
I bet Nas could do that
War look stupid either the war
Both sides of the stupid shit that is being said by both sides
Both sides justifying the death of innocents.
Even Jay-Z lived on, that thing's living on.
Yeah.
Yeah, that thing's living on.
Yeah.
Like, oh my god, all the college protests,
kids are getting arrested.
Bro.
That shit's crazy, Joe.
Not just that, but they're like spray painting up schools
and kids are camping out.
They're just looking for this cause
that somehow or another is going to elevate their status.
That's a part of it. And also being outraged at what is happening in Palestine, which is legitimate.
But it's also been a part of anti-war protests forever. And what's scary is,
do you know what happened at Kent State in Ohio?
Kent State was a cause that was having an anti-war protest.
And they sent in the National Guard.
And the National Guard wound up shooting people.
So they were shooting kids.
So it was Neil Young wrote a song about it.
It became like a cultural moment where
we realized how fucking insane things had gotten,
that the Army or the National Guard was shooting
shooting students for anti-war protests. I
Mean they just fucking shot people four kills in Kent State shooting the fuck
Yeah, they broke up they broke up this peaceful protest by students with guns and the army. They sent the army in and they shot people.
It was crazy.
Fucking crazy.
What year was this?
This is 74 I think.
What year was this?
70?
1970.
Sorry, 70.
Wow.
They shot people, killed kids.
Four students and wounding nine others.
Men and women killed
them on the college rifles with rifles like their armed combatants trying to
kill women and children no it's a fucking baby kids exactly kids young
people who didn't know any better being shot by young people who don't know any
better yeah it's horrible man it's fucking horrible yeah let's go on it's
an image of that lady screaming yeah that, that's so visceral man, bro
This this can happen here. Look at the blood pouring out of her. That is so crazy or him
I don't know that this can happen here today, man
This is this is why conflict is not good in any way shape or form and anybody that encourages conflict is foolish
It's yes, man
I mean my wife we live a next door to the Jewish fraternity on UT's campus, and
they have 24-hour armed guards outside now. That's a new thing. We lived by them for the
last three years since that happened on the UT campus. That's what it's like over there
now. So you can tell it's like just at their friend, not at the other ones. So it's like,
what the fuck?
Yeah, and so they're arresting kids that are on the campuses and then the kids become more emboldened and now there's more of them and more
Colleges are having this now or kids are setting up these camps
You know they're launching these camps. They're all sleeping on the lawn along the tents. Yeah
And then if you stop it they say you're stopping their freedom of speech
Yeah, and then if you stop it, they say you're stopping their freedom of speech
But no because like freedom of speech is you have the ability to
Protest and to say things and to go out there with signs and you know to express yourself online
But you don't have the ability to can't place
You can't just set up a house on the school lawn and keep it there until you decide that it's time to go.
Like now you're violating the school's property.
Yeah, because if you can do it, then why can't homeless people just do it?
Now what are we doing?
Why can't everybody do it?
Yeah, why can't I just do it?
Yeah, I think that we have to address climate change.
I'm going to set up a tent.
And if you open up the door for that, regardless of how you feel about whether or not people
should be outraged, and I think
they should, you can't just let people camp places.
And it doesn't say that in the First Amendment.
You can just take over places, yell at Jewish students that didn't have nothing to do with
it, and demand compliance.
And you know, it's a lot of people that like all of a sudden they have something to look
forward to that's like something important in their life.
You can feel that.
My friend Constantine from Trigonometry,
he went to one of those protests.
What college was that?
What do you want to, Jamie?
And he was talking to these kids.
It was in New York, right?
The Columbia?
I think it was that one.
Most of them had no idea what the fuck they were there for.
They didn't understand the conflict.
They didn't understand anything.
They were given signs by people. He interviewed a bunch of people that like he tried to ask them and they would get upset at him
He's like, I'm not just genuinely curious. So your position they didn't really know what was going on
They didn't have a real position. They know the river to the sea means they didn't know they didn't know any of that stuff
You know, how did this all get started? Do you know the history of Israel?
You know when it started, you know when the first Jews arrived there Jews arrived there? This conflict's been going on for fucking ever, forever.
Yeah, and it takes such a... I'm gonna get arrested on school campus for it and you don't
even know what's going on. That's wild to me.
Yeah, it's wild. The whole thing is wild.
Do you think it's because of just internet people want that community? I want to feel
like I got a tribe. I gotta I got not alone
And you're a good person if you want to stop genocide
Yeah, trying to stop genocide over here Derek camping camping to stop genocide
Could be New York to though bro
I
In I'm trying to judge by where they're at. It says Palestine. Listen to his...
Gaza, West Bank, them people to be free.
Gaza and West Bank.
Yeah, all Palestinians in general, you know, because we know that what's going on.
All of them are being oppressed, so
for them to be free, you know, it's nothing, nothing, you know,
it's clear as day, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I was just asking them which bit of the land they...
This wasn't a college protest, this was just the Israel...
That was just a Palestine protest?
Yeah. He'd done quite a few of these, and they've done a bunch of different people have done
as well on college campuses asking kids.
But a lot of these are, there were a bunch of college kids that he interviewed in this,
one of these protests.
They don't know what they're protesting, or some of them do, but a lot of them don't.
They're there because they think you're supposed to be a good person.
And one of them actually said, oh, my friend said, do you want to go protest?
And I was like, okay. So I my friend said, do you want to go protest?
And I was like, okay.
So I came.
That makes more sense.
That makes more sense to me why kids are,
because I talked to a son about it,
because I just don't really understand.
I was like, why are kids from colleges,
I know this isn't affecting your life.
I've been in college before.
Just curious.
And then I was like, oh, well, maybe I played football.
I had a tribe of friends and I was already out thing
So the idea of trying to get into another group of friends, that's what I think it really is like you want that feel some community Yeah, that's a big part of it and also
genocide
You know if you watch they did some drone footage that showed a drone flying over Gaza
Before October 7th and then that same drone flying over Gaza today. It's
it's crazy. It's crazy. They've erased just giant blocks of this city. It's just erased. Before
October 7th, there was like ships, they flew the drone, see if you can find it. If not, I could
probably find it. But they flew the drone over there the sea so you see the ships in the sea
Mmm, not the exact same deal, but yeah, you see how
The universities have been destroyed look at this university just nice. It was destroyed. It was gorgeous. Yeah
look at it everything's just
Targeted educational facilities under false premise look at that
So they targeted educational institutions because well, I don't know if it's false premises
So the problem the problem is you don't know
Unless you are there you don't know like they do have tunnels. They do embed themselves in hospitals
They do embed themselves in different places and Israel doesn't give a fuck.
They're just going to bomb wherever the bad people are, no matter what's there,
whether it's a school or whether it's a mosque and they're just bombing.
And if you watch the, the,
what it used to look like versus what it looks like now it's fucking terrifying.
Man. It's terrifying.
Look at that. that yeah that's the
same mm-hmm it's crazy man it's everything's just blown the fuck up and
no one's there and the streets are empty I mean look at this I mean imagine if
you used to live there that's what cuz in your head in America you're like oh
that wouldn't happen to me but it's like why wouldn't it that's it looks like a
nice building in America yeah it looks like a regular nice build that's that's
human beings doing that to other human beings. That can happen
anywhere in the world. That can happen right here. And if we didn't have a
strong military and we didn't have intelligence agencies that keep terrorist
attacks from taking place and all the shit, you know, but then again, how much
are we doing in other countries that is like getting people to want to do
something like that here? You know, it's scary stuff, man. Scary stuff because it's not you and it's not me. It's leaders that are telling
gigantic groups of people that you're opposed to these people over here. And you get them
to be a part of that community, be a part of the tribe, whatever side, whether you're
an IDF soldier, whether you're Hamas, you feel like you're on the right side, you're
going to fuck those people up.
It's a horrible instinct that human beings have.
We've had since the beginning of civilization,
just tribal warfare.
It's just tribal warfare on a global scale
with insanely sophisticated technology,
at least on one side.
You're right, because it's like,
if it was happening when we were cavemen
or when we were in tribes,
it's not like it's any different.
It's the same thing just on a,
we can communicate now, we can.
Yep, and with the whole world's watching it.
And then it also gives people an opportunity,
like these college kids, to protest it
and to feel like they're virtuous by camping out
and they're not gonna take their studies.
One girl, there was an interview that she found out
she wasn't even gonna graduate because she had gotten arrested for the for protests and so
like her family's flying in to see her graduate and she wasn't gonna graduate
she's like oh shit I thought this is fun I just wanted I want to graduate I need
a job my parents paid for this fuck and that's a wanted I want to graduate. I need a job
My parents paid for this fuck right and that's a lot of it to a lot of us like young rich kids
You have to be a young rich kid. I feel like those kids that glue themselves to
Like paintings and stuff stop oil now. Yeah almost all from wealthy families
Oh almost all of them for at least upper middle class
Highly educated people that grew up in a struggle,
they don't have time to glue themselves
to the fucking wall of the museum, okay?
You know, you have to pay for your mom,
your mom doesn't have any money,
and you have a side job while you're at school.
Like, you know.
Dad's got an injury, shit, yeah, real shit.
Real shit, real shit.
You don't have time to glue yourself to a wall
or cut up paintings.
See these fucking psychopaths cut up these paintings
from like the 1800s, slice them up with a razor blade
Priceless paintings
Hundreds of years old well I don't understand because you would think those people would be the people who love art since you're so you
Would love art yeah
But they don't love art by colonizers and slave owners and the thing is if you go back far enough in history
Everyone's a piece of shit
You go back far enough in history. You don't listen to Socrates because he's a pedophile you go back in history
You don't you don't worship the Spartans. They all fucked each other and they fucked their kids. They fucked everybody
Yeah, these are wild people man. If you use like pet or asking like pedophiles back then it was so common
They talked about like having young boy lovers
It was like open an open thing
You know in other parts of the world right now and these were Stan my friends that have gone to Afghanistan served there
They'll go dude. It's crazy
Some of the shit you see in Afghanistan
With these young boys that get swapped around oh
Dude, that's fucked up dark shit and young boys that they they use for sex and these guys don't shave their face
Or they shave their face rather where everybody else grows out of beard yeah
And they know it and they have like gay guys, and they just toss them around
So they use women for procreation some of these people and they use the boys for fun
Yeah, what the fuck dude and?
If you go back far enough in history,
like that's why you have to take down Thomas Jefferson's statue. You know, that's why even
Abraham Lincoln's piece of shit. Because Abraham Lincoln, even though he freed the slaves and
even though Abraham Lincoln was the president of the United States during the Civil War,
Abraham Lincoln also wrote about black people that they were less than a
Hundred percent of a human being he didn't consider them like the same as white people
Yeah, even hit so you got to go well
He's a piece of shit, too
And then you go back to George Washington and founded this country with it fucking fuck that guy, so it's fuck everybody
I remember Trump said this once when they were taking down statues of Confederate soldiers
they were taking down a statue of like Robert E Lee and
He said what's next you gonna take down George Washington never was like no way meanwhile couple years later
They're taking down George Washington statues damn. Yeah, bro. Everybody was a piece of shit
People will bring up like, you know, Martin Luther King Jr. Che on his wife. It's like, man, that's not the point.
Yeah, I don't like when people do that
when they try to erase art or history
because people are humans.
By the way, he did and they recorded him.
So like they probably set him up too.
So they probably brought in hot ladies to fuck him.
Yeah.
And he was probably like, yeah, I like hot.
Let's see, I'm tired.
I've been trying to stop tired. I'm trying to stop
Racism all day trying to stop you from dying trying to get everybody get along. I need to get along
Yeah, so it's like if you go back far enough at like JFK was a notorious womanizer It doesn't mean they should have shot him you know like hey they fucking murdered the president
It would stop concentrating on the fact that he fucked Marilyn Monroe
Like there's a lot of other shit going on, But if you go, like, way, way back,
like, everybody's a piece of shit.
Human beings were horrible to each other
1,000 years ago, 2,000 years ago, 3,000 years ago.
Murder was normal.
That Aztec shit just rolling bodies down the steps.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
Oh, my God, dude.
That Apocalypto movie, you ever seen that?
That kind of, that shit? Oh, man.
What is that temple again, Teotihuacan? The no shit lawn to no shit lawn the temple of to no shit
Lawn by the Aztecs. They don't even know how many people they slaughtered afterwards, but they sacrificed
Thousands and thousands of slaves the the upper numbers like 80,000 some people say it might have been as low as 20,000
Whatever the fuck it was a moment they were
Finished with the the temples that they built. Okay time to die. We're not gonna feed you anymore
You finished your work. We're gonna fucking sacrifice you to the gods
but they had like
The Mayans had this really creepy when I went to Chichen Itza. They have this human sacrifice
Chichen Itza, they have this human sacrifice like tray. It's like a guy who's like lying on his back and there's like a flat thing in front where they
would cut people's fucking heads off in front of everybody. So it's at the top of
the stairs of this pyramid. You see this thing and they would fucking lay someone
down there. Yeah and just throw that head down the stairs.
The head would bounce down the stairs.
They don't even know if sometimes,
there's speculation that sometimes they use
heads to play games.
They use human heads to play like
ball games with.
Those dudes were fucking wild.
They were wild, dude.
They had ball games where the winning team was
slaughtered. The winning team was sacrificed. I had ball games where the winning team was slaughtered.
The winning team was sack-pressed.
I've heard about that, and then that was the honor, right?
You still, you wanted to win.
This is one of those things where the guide told me this
when we were, we had a really good guide in Chichen Itza.
You pay for a professional guide,
and this guy was cool as fuck.
And he also told me that there was something
that they were doing, some sort of psychedelic compound
that they were doing in this one very specific area. It was like there was certain things that they were doing, some sort of psychedelic compound that they were doing in this one very specific area.
It was like there was certain things that they did
that mimicked or that had lysergic acid in it,
which is like LSD.
And so he was explaining all that stuff to me,
then they were just talking about the nature
of like a lot of these sacrifices
and that they used to think that they would sacrifice
the losing team, but then they switched it
and they think, no, they think they sacrifice the losing team, but then they switched it and they think no
I think they sacrificed the winning team
Which is crazy that means no one ever got good at the fucking you win the NBA and everybody gets their head cut off
In front of everybody one now. It's time to go to the gods
Bro crazy me ma they thought it was the way to go like this is gonna be amazing. I'm going to heaven
You want to come back as a moth?
I was a badass athlete now. I'm just going towards the flames
Bullshit oh my god. I was so cocky. Oh, I thought I was gonna make it Joe yeah
Is that true though that they sacrificed the winning team? I've heard that
Google that cuz I've heard that I heard that from that guy who was the guide, but this is you know
2000 then people didn't know much back then you know it was like I
Don't know I don't know to this day how much they know about what what they don't know what what happened where everybody went
What yeah, where are they I think we died from disease? I think they died from the same diseases that
I think we died from disease. I think they died from the same diseases that
Most of the Native Americans were killed with when the Europeans showed up with smallpox
Syphilis and like syphilis they actually got from Native Americans speculative
But a lot of diseases they brought over here and just no one had an immunity to them these European diseases They just ran through it killed 90% of the population
But the real genocide in North America is disease
How come that didn't happen? How come we didn't like some of whatever their diseases?
We didn't get so if we did we did with syphilis apparently this is but this is very speculative and it's disputed
But I'll just say it there's more than one version of syphilis, right?
So there's like one syphilis and again, I've read different accounts of this
But there's a syphilis that existed in Europe, and then there was a syphilis they believe
came from North America, that these people that came over on the Mayflower and all that
shit, they were fucking some of the Native American people and got their VD, and then
brought their VD back to Europe. And they think that this is why this rash of syphilis,
this is one theory about why this rash of syphilis
went through like European royalty
to the point where that's where the term bigwig comes from.
Really?
Yeah, the term bigwig is there was these brothers
that were French, they were some royalty,
and they got syphilis. and when you get syphilis,
your fucking hair falls out, you develop like holes
in your skin, your face has holes in it,
and to cover up the fact that they lost their hair,
they got wigs, and they were so popular
that it's like, you know when someone wears something
stupid, you're like, how does that work?
Everybody's wearing this thing because Kanye wore it,
so everybody's wearing the same shit that Kanye wore well that's how they were
they were so influential that when they got wigs everybody wanted wigs and then
since they're everyone's fucking everybody everyone's getting syphilis so
they all have like holes in their faces and shit and they got wigs and the more
money you had the bigger the wig so if you're a rich dude you're're a bigwig. That is so crazy.
Isn't that crazy?
Because when you heard that term, when I heard that term as a kid, oh he's a bigwig.
The bigwig is like, oh he's a banker, he's a bigwig.
He's a bigass, big shot.
That's what it is.
Okay, well the hoops.
Sometimes the ball will go through the hoop located at the alley's midpoint.
If that happened, the whole group would stop and the person who put the ball through the hoop would be hailed as a victor,
Helmke said. But he didn't say that that was the point of the game
He said that might happen once in a while that it was truly exceptional
Moreover the vast majority of ball courts in the Maya do not have hoops
Human sacrifice
So like I think the sacrifice part came over when Europeans came and saw what was happening
They probably did not understand what was going down. Oh
Interfice is probably not really part of it
Interesting although it did happen, but they definitely sacrificed a lot of people right and not maybe as an association with this game
That was oh, I see I see I see
Interesting interesting. Um, so what does this say there?
Given how popular and well attended the ball games were sometimes a a captive might be executed at the game. Just for funsies.
But these sacrifices were an integral part of the game. That person would have been expedited, executed anyway.
Oh, so they would do it for fun.
So when you asked this question, I was looking through this article, which comes from a tabloid,
I'll add the Sun, but it talks about these skull towers they found mm-hmm they had found upwards of 200 but the experts say
that that means that there might have been thousands and thousands and
thousands of skulls embedded embedded in these towers but they were destroyed and
covered up when the Europeans came oh so they already had these skulls embedded
in the these walls? Yeah,
not. Then you asked if they were coming from the game and I was trying to
find out if that's... Oh my god, look at this. One historical report claimed one
rack contained more than 130,000 skulls. That could be, you know, like some guy saw it and he was like, it was so big, there had to be thousands and thousands of them. Maybe there was, but...
Bro, imagine being back then, imagine going back then before the Europeans conquered them and to see
what the fuck were you guys doing how did you go back up to that image of the
what the outside looked like a little higher up that one imagine just showing
up one day to this place going what the fuck are you guys taking? Why? What are you doing? Why did you guys do this? Why didn't you just make huts?
You made these, the steps, they're all skulls inside.
Bro, they didn't even have horses. They didn't even have horses.
They didn't have horses? No, no. They didn't have horses. When the Europeans
showed up in horses, they thought there were gods like look at these guys
They're riding horses. They're fucking gods
Yeah, that was part of the problem. They didn't understand how someone could ride a horse like oh my god
These must be the gods. They must be just like the prophecies they've come
On these beasts right and beasts
Up in boats like what the fuck you guys have a boat
They just showed up with horses hop hopping horses out of the boat like this
Is crazy?
These two that would be like aliens showing up in spacecraft because we would be like what the what is this Jamie?
Three-quarters of the skulls analyzed belong to men aged 20 to 35
And they were all said to have been in relatively good health before they were sacrificed. Oh my god, so it's all sacrifices
Oh my god
130,000 sacrifices at least in one wall
In good health is crazy. Oh those people were wild. They were wild man building those structures
No horses and killing everybody just sacrificing people
What were they taking man? What would they had to be on say we're on some hardcore trucks
They probably have their own version of meth just methed out Spanish conquistadors were appalled at the skull rack when they entered
Tenochtitlan in 1519 two years later
They destroyed the city and paved over its ruins leaving the Aztec sacrificial
Sacrificial remains below the streets of what later became the Mexican capital. Holy fucking shit, man
What an energy that's where Mexico City is right to live on top of it because Mexico City like when they're doing
Construction they have to stop all the time like hold on we found a temple
They'll find some shit down there. They find ruins
They find all kinds of things for a long time many historians and anthropologists questioned whether descriptions by Spanish eyewitnesses
exaggerated the number of skulls on the skull rack as well as a number of
victims sacrificed by the Aztecs he told Fox News this discovery now makes those
early accounts much more believable oh my god what's the new discovery just
that like that this whole article is the discovery that they oh all the skulls sure where they found it fuck do look at these evil motherfuckers
Convincing me in good health the rice they had to be on some kind of meth some kind of wonder if that's why God sent
the Europeans to them
Like you guys are just out of control. We're gonna teach you Spanish. We gotta get you guys spoons
We're gonna give you spoons teach you Spanish. We gotta get you guys spoons
Teach you Spanish and bring you horses, which is horrible if you think about it at the time I mean we think about it as a terrible thing that happened
You know the Europeans came here brought disease killed everybody enslaved everybody turned the whole country Spanish speaking
like
Mexico speaks Spanish bro Spain ain't nowhere near Mexico. It ain't
even close to Mexico. That's a long journey on a raft. It took over the whole motherfucker.
Took over the whole motherfucker. Took over the whole motherfucker. And the people that
were in control of it before then probably worse probably worse than them
Sacrificing young able-bodied men
Yeah, and relatively good health off with your fucking head you become a part of the column
Congratulations, and you're like yeah. Yes imagine. You're a 25 year old guy like I'm fucking aspirations one day I'd like to run this thing nope
I don't have fucking aspirations. One day I'd like to run this thing.
Nope.
What?
One day I'd like to run.
You can't run this.
You can't be a king.
You have no chance, dog.
No, you gotta be born into this shit.
The born into it is the worst,
because you can't escape that.
Cast system, right?
You know what that is?
Oh, it's the worst.
The most evil trick that anybody ever played on it.
Man.
The most evil trick.
I seen it.
First time we went to Abu Dhabi, seen I seen what it was like oh over here you can't ain't no
coming out ain't no Joe Rogan ain't no coming out of the Boston slums and
making it to this
but no no there's none of that there no there's none of that there and that's
one of the things about England, too
I mean even in modern England my friends who have come over from England say in England
They don't want you to change your status in society
They don't want you to rise up if you're lower class you stay lower class you're that forever
Now I like America only fans the best come on. It's the best you got some big titties
You ready, but you want to show them you could be a fucking star, bro
I ain't getting a job in insurance company if I got these big titties
Yeah, fuck that I feel you ladies go for it. I don't want my daughter doing it, but go for it
Yeah, whatever you want to do. I want you to be free. Oh, if you're you know, everybody has different circumstances if you're trapped
Yeah What is this you talked about how the horses came with? I want you to be free. Oh, if you're you know everybody has different circumstances if you're trapped yeah
What is this you talked about how the horses came with?
The Europeans, but I was like what did they else did they not use anything that now have enough anything mmM They brought donkeys also donkeys weren't here either mmM interesting
Yeah, that makes sense
And then mules are the the cross of the donkeys and horses which are the best they didn't exist probably well
They probably existed in north in Europe. Okay. When did I don't know let's find out when did they start first start breeding mules?
Your mules are non-viable meaning a mule can't make another mule. You need a donkey and a horse to make a mule
Wow
3000 BC yeah, but they're the most durable they're the sturdiest of animals like the guys who go
Backpack hunting like deep into the mountains my friend Clay Newcomb. He came on this podcast
He raises mules and he talks about like flashy mules
I could look at mule like but mules are like better than horses because mules won't go over the cliff
Horses is like oh, just go over the cliff's like, fuck you, I'm not going this way.
This is dangerous.
It's an edge.
Yeah, when the mule gets to a place
where it doesn't like it, he's like, uh-uh.
That's why the term stubborn is a mule.
That's where that comes from.
Because mules are smart.
That's awesome.
Yeah, they figured out that that's the animal to run.
Because they require less water, less food,
they're more durable, they can last
longer without water and food.
How many animals are like that in the world?
It takes two things to make them, but they can't make themselves.
There's quite a few hybrids like that.
That's a liger, like those lions and tigers and they breed those together and they make
that one thing.
It's huge.
Yeah.
Well, the thing about the liger is I think what happens is whether it's the male lion or the female tiger, one of them is missing the gene that regulates growth.
So when you combine koi wolf, yeah.
The thing about koi wolves though,
grizzly polar bear hybrid, yeah.
A whalpin, it's a whale and a dolphin?
What, is that real?
That must be the smartest animal alive.
What, a whale and a dolphin?
A whalpin is an extremely rare
Custacean hybrid born from a mating of a female common bottlenose dolphin with a male false killer whale
Wow, the name applies to a hybrid of a whale and a dolphin although taxonomically both are within the oceanic dolphin family
Which is within the toothed whale
Providor. There's a lot of fish that are hybrids
There's hybrid bass that are like a hybrid between small mouth and large mouth that happens a jagged lion. Oh shit
Jagged off a beefalo a buffalo that fucked a cow
Interesting there's quite a few yeah, but most of them can't breed neanderthals
Most of them can't breed like by themselves
They can't you can't take like two two mules, and they won't make a mule. They just fuck they just get wild There's getting crazy. There's nothing happening. Just cases
Just bad loads just useless loads
nothing in there
Yeah Just dead loads yeah
because nature's like no no no you can't be fucking around like this
nature's like you try it once and then you're done this one's not viable it's
interesting like nature is it coded that way or it doesn't like the idea of a dog
being able to fuck a horse and make a dog horse like no no no no no no too crazy too good nose yeah you have to stay within your species and if you're
different things than the species like a cat like a lion and a tiger no babies
for you you can make a you can fuck and make one but that one not making any new
ones that's what that is yeah somehow or another nature just like built in like a
system it's like no no it's too crazy
Is it like I guess like down syndrome?
How they can't have kids they can we can have it. No they can they can have kids
Yeah, not only can they have kids they can have kids that are normal
Yeah, yeah, I'm 99% sure that
What is that I say it? Whoa! 3000 year old boy
X-O-L-O-I-Z-C-U-I-N-T-L-I
Pronounce Sholo eats Queen-tee-lee
Queen-tlee
Sholo eats Queen-tlee
Sholo eats Queen-tlee You didn't have to call that Show low eats quaintly show show yo show low eats quaintly
The ancient Aztec dog of the gods is today a loving companion and vigilant watchdog
The alert and loyal x low comes in three sizes, and he's either hairless or of coated
varieties. Wow. That hair is awesome. That's a 3000 year old dog. That's the
wildest shit that all dogs come from wolves. So that thing at one point in time
was a wolf and the bitch ass wolves made their way to the campfire and dropped
their ears a little bit and kind of relaxed and became friends with the
people because the people gave him food
Yep, and then they became dogs all dogs even little Carl over there little tiny Carl at one point in time many many many many
Thousands of years ago Carl was a wolf
They don't even know like exactly how long ago that process started
There's like guesses, but they you know they vary by but humans did that humans did that hundred percent yeah we did that cats
too or no cats are like a lot of wild cats there's a lot of different kinds of
cats that bred but the domestic cat of today is very different than most wild
cats but it's like they did this thing with foxes in Russia where they took
wild foxes and the ones that were
aggressive that showed any aggression towards people at all, they killed them. And the ones
that didn't show aggression, they let them breed. And they kept doing this over many,
many generations. And within a few decades, the fox had completely changed its form. They
had droopy ears, they had big, soft, sweet eyes, they had smaller mouths. It changed
the fox. Like quick, quick.
Like in the course of this study.
So not something that took place over thousands of years,
but by killing any one of them that was aggressive,
they made only the ones that were like sweet
and passive survive.
That's how you get like my dog.
That's how you get Marshall.
He just like, any one of those golden retrievers
that was mean, they didn't let him breed
so what you get is like this big sweet loving dog just loves everybody and
That's how that was a wolf. There was a wolf, but over many many many generations of selective breeding
They turned it into this crazy thing. I
Don't know how the fuck they did it, but it just shows you how bizarre nature is. That nature can make those adaptations.
I think about humans, I mean, we were just talking
about the Aztecs or like Genghis Khan people
or Vikings to now.
Yeah, to now, yeah.
Like, we clearly just pacifying it, chilling it out.
Yeah, and especially these kids on college campuses,
they don't even know what gender they are anymore.
Like, there's no need.
There's a lot of them are saying,
there's no need for gender, it's all bullshit.
Like that's the direction that things are moving.
Things are moving into a genderless direction.
Whether it's being influenced by who, what, how, or when,
that's irrelevant.
What I'm saying is it's clearly moving in that direction.
And if you didn't have anything to do with the population,
if you were something that was completely outside of society looking at us
He'd be like oh, they're like feminizing. They're feminizing everything
Yeah, they're also feminizing in terms of even men are behaving like bitches. Yeah
They're behaving like like catty wenches
And and it's also rewarded.
It's rewarded and it's not disgusting.
Whereas it would be disgusting behavior
for a man to behave like that in a tribal society
that requires those men to be strong and stoic.
Like you have to be able to sword fight stupid.
You have to get rid of that man.
Yeah, that guy's a bitch.
A catty man in a tribe?
Yeah.
The fuck are we doing?
Yeah.
He's talking to your girl while he was on a raiding party
They got lung do you survive as a male feminist in the tribal society
Oh you because I come home my wife said that to that you said that and I kill you right yeah
You'd be a part of that column immediately yeah immediately we have to get rid of you
Yeah, you have to get rid of you and everyone else of the tribe like oh, thank God you got rid of that guy
Yeah, that. We have to get rid of you. Yeah, you have to get rid of you. And everyone else in the tribe will be like, oh, thank God you got rid of that guy. Yeah, that guy was a problem.
Yeah.
That guy was being a fucking problem, dog.
But if you do that over time, and there's enough safety,
we become just like dogs.
We become some sort of a domesticated version
of what was once wolves.
And I don't know if that's good or bad.
Yeah, because it's-
See, we're resisting it in some ways
because there's still still the problem is
There's these passive people are not overall kind
They're very aggressive with trying to enforce their ideas on everybody else and you must comply
So it's very much like I'm gonna get back at you thing
It's being picked on when you were young thing an outsider
That's finally a part of a gang and you you're like, you're going to enforce these ideas on other people.
So the ideology is not rooted in compassion, even though it pretends to be.
It's in Rudy, and like all the ideologies, it's rooted in control.
And people are just trying to control people and get everyone else to comply with the way
they now see the world.
And when you're weak and you're doing that, it's not good.
Because you're also like, you're angry at the world, you're angry and you're doing that it's not good because you're also like you're angry at the world
You're angry at the way you were mistreated or you were an outsider and now you're not now
You're a part of a group and so now you're gonna do the exact same thing to people that they did to you
You're gonna hurt them. Just like you got hurt. Yeah, bro. It's the worst mentality that happened to me
Happen to me. That's what you people sayened to me. That's how it was for me.
Yeah.
It's like, well, don't you want it to not be that way?
Yeah.
People don't, man.
Yeah.
It's just a natural human instinct for fucking whatever
bizarre reason, man.
So it's a control thing.
That's the scary thing.
You can't let people control.
It doesn't mean that you shouldn't let people drift off
into this genderless direction.
Like, you do whatever you want to do.
I think this is happening whether we like it or not.
I think it's happening with,
there's a lot of like chemical influences.
There's microplastics that are influencing
the way testosterone levels are in young people
and the development of their sex organs.
And this, this, this gotta be doing something.
It's gotta be doing something.
Something crazy.
There's propaganda that's actually getting
through your phone too, that's affecting the way
people reward certain types of behavior
and people like to gravitate towards behaviors
that are rewarding.
You know, if you're a loser and then all of a sudden
you're amazing, because now you're wearing a dress,
you're like, I'm gonna keep wearing this dress.
Everybody like fucking hugs me when they see me
and think I'm cool.
They used to think I was a loser.
Yeah.
And that's, and that, you hear that,
you're like, damn, I understand that.
I understand it.
I wanna be hugged too, like. But was objective and I was it wasn't a part of the human race
Which I clearly am if I was looking at it from outside
I would say like what is the end goal of this like where does this go?
Well, it's clearly going to some genderless alien looking direction. I think that's what the aliens are
When we see that archetypal alien the big head the gender the genderless body, I think that's where we're going.
I think that's just, I think even if aliens aren't real, even if you don't really see them,
I think that's an archetype in our head because it's almost like a light on the path that's showing us, this is where you're going.
You're going to that.
This futuristic, everyone is one being Vikings
genderless Slowly but surely right caveman Vikings genderless
Yeah
But the thing is they're not nice
You know you can go that way if you want, but don't try to help me and you don't force it on people that were born
Biologically male there's nothing wrong with that. That's not that's the whole reason why you're not speaking German shut the fuck up
Like like this whole idea like toxic masculinity. That's all great until you need someone to help you so you need it
That's all great till you need someone to open up a jar mayonnaise, you know
Listen you need all those things you just need people to be nice
You need to be people to be nice that are like savages and people that are nice that are pacifists. Everyone should just be nice and we can live like that.
Just don't fuck with each other. Yeah, you never see them, not never, but it is crazy
that they make such a big deal about gender stuff sometimes and it's like well
you don't look happy though. You don't look, you're not being nice about it.
No, you're not being nice. Which you would want. But it's because they also feel like
they're embattled, right? They're there in this thing They're fighting for their cause and then they exaggerated like there's a transgenocide like
What?
Stop, okay, you get in the way with too much because you're in a university setting and everybody likes saying you're amazing
You know what's a question. No one's go shot the fuck out. Yeah, because you that's the other problem with kids today
It's like they only have one thought process is one ideology
Because that's the other problem with kids today. It's like they only have one thought process.
There's one ideology.
It's not a bunch of right wing people
that are fucking camping
and making sure they can carry guns to school.
Because it's a school shooter.
We're gonna camp out until we can carry guns
into the building.
No, that's not gonna happen.
So it's like you've got one ideology.
And the crazy thing is like,
there's two sides to that ideology.
Because the left wing is always Jewish too.
There's not a lot of like really hard
Leslie thought thinking about like Ben Shapiro and a few other Dennis Prager
right-wing Jewish folks a lot of Jewish people that we know they're Democrats
Democrats have always been kind of traditionally like what what percentage
let's find this out what percentage of Jewish people vote Democrat if that's
even a poll?
I bet you has to be has to be and I bet you the little nose
Google could tell you they won't they don't want to tell you they know they keep your fucking track. Yeah, they know they know
But I would guarantee it's a very high number
So now you have a conflict amongst that side
Because you have one side that says that what's happening in Gaza is genocide and the other side that says Israel has the right to defend itself
and that this is you know what we did in Iraq after 9-11 what we did in after
that what we did in Japan all no one knows mad at any of them but yeah got a
sign told me recently seven and ten Jewish adults identify with or lean
towards the Democratic Party and have to
describe their political views as liberal.
So 7 in 10, 70%.
And so inside that party, you've got people that are literally on college campuses saying
death to the Jews and supporting Hamas.
And you're supposed to be left-wing
too. So now you're... Look, if I was a country that was trying to destroy America, I would
push these ideas.
This is an interesting subsect. The Orthodox Jews, which is one in 10 of Jewish adults,
is 60 to 75% conservative or Republican.
That makes sense, right? Because they're like strictly religious, which would make you much more conservative.
75 percent identifies Republicans or lean towards the GOP and 81 percent approved of Trump's job performance
at the time of the survey. Everybody's making money. We're making money.
Trump! He's doing it!
Derek, let's wrap this up. You're a fucking man. It's been a pleasure getting to know you and becoming friends with you at the store
And I just want to thank you for being one of the early adopters coming out here early on and it's been beautiful, man
We're having a good fucking time. Joe. Thank you for changing my life, brother. I appreciate you. Love you, though.
I love you, too. All right. Goodbye, everybody Thanks for watching!