The Tim Dillon Show - 375 - Dead-Eyed Monsters
Episode Date: December 30, 2023Tim examines a story of affluent teenagers terrorizing an Arizona suburb, fighting over Christmas gifts, a totalitarian tourist destination, Southwest Airlines’ customers of size policy and what 202...4 has in store. American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: HelloFresh Go to HelloFresh.com & use code ‘timdfree’ for free breakfast for life Manscaped Manscaped.com & use code 'TIMD' ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
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Have a hallowly jolly Christmas.
It's the best time of the year.
Da da da da da da da da da da da da.
I wish I knew more traditional Christmas songs.
I always know the first line or two, but I don't know enough of it to kind of do it, you know?
And I wish I knew more.
I have the first
Charlie Christmas is the best time of the year and then I don't know
Well, it's the final episode of the year folks and we appreciate you being with us
I Don't know if this is a Christmas story, to be honest with you. Is it ever?
Is it ever on this show? Is it ever a fun holiday story? Is it ever a nice story? We got to do
that one day, just nice stuff. But it's as I've said before, the nice stories are almost more terrifying
But it's as I've said before, the nice stories are almost more terrifying
because it's like a guy who walked to work every day for 70 years and now has diabetes and one leg and no health insurance
Everybody at the plant that he works at got together and bought him a car
That's like the night. That's like the nice version of the story. Like there is no just really not, you know, so this is a story about a marauding group of whites, suburban teenagers
in Arizona going around and killing people. Well, that's not nice. And apparently they're
well, connect. We cannot show any of this, by the way.
So don't, I mean, I don't think we can show any of this.
This is all violent.
Yeah.
You have to be very careful here.
It's all there now.
We're under a microscope.
We got an election coming up
and they're gonna get real tight
on the independent media of which I am one, one of the most powerful
members of the independent media in the world, me. And because of that, they're going
to be a very difficult to deal with the sensors. So there's a way to show any of this. We
have to do it. It's very blurry or small. Yep. Yeah. All right.
I'm just putting that out there.
Because the kids now are filming their beatings.
They're...
Let's, let's start at the beginning.
Let's start at the beginning.
It's a Christmas story.
Let's start at the beginning.
There is a state called Arizona.
Arizona is fine outside of Scottsdale and Parties Valley where I have several friends.
And they maintain beautiful Spanish style desert residences, some modern.
And many of them have left the high tax state of California and have escaped
to will not the greener pastures, but the brown pastures of and I like a desert mansion.
I don't hate it. I spent quarantine and Palm Springs. I have no hatred for the, you know,
the desert thing. It's not for me per se, but I outside of a Scottsdale and Partis
Valley, I don't know anyone in Arizona. I don't know how it works. I don't know how it works.
I know only Scottsdale. I know only Paradise Valley. And that's all I want to know because when
you get out of those places, you're in some type of
hell. Really, it's like 115 degrees every day. They have these fake lakes that they die,
this aqua marine color. And all these people get in these little swan boats and it's hellish
out there. And I'm not saying it's the surface of Mars is how they live these people. Now,
there's a town called Gilbert, Arizona. I've never been to this place. I will never be
to this place unless something was horribly wrong in my life. Um, lot of Mormons, this
ties in with the LDS church. The Mormons are involved. I got very big into this.
I'm not usually in the true crime. I really am not because it's usually some woman who gets kidnapped
and you're like, oh boy, you know what I mean? And it's a very woman thing, true crime. It's
because women fantasize about men who love them enough to kidnap them and put them in a trunk.
them enough to kidnap them and put them in a trunk. But I've never, you know, so I don't really, I have not been a connoisseur of the genre of podcasting, which is the biggest
in the world, right? True crime. And I just basically pay attention to the news. And I
read news from all over the country and all over the world.
So I bring things to you before they happen.
Who knew Meghan Markle was a cunt?
I did years ago.
I knew it was a joke.
When I was saying people were celebrating it, I was going, wait, watch what happens here.
I'm following this news out of Gilbert, Arizona, where this of the children, this marauding group
of white, privileged. And I mean, you know, Arizona privileged. They have these big houses
that look like olive gardens or macaroni grills. You know, I mean, the kid who's accused of
doing this, I think his parents own an orange theory gym. So you comb the red it's, what
are you going to sue me for that?
They don't know.
You know what kind of lawyers I have?
You know what kind of lawyers I have?
Beverly Hills attorneys.
I have New York City attorneys, buddy.
You nuts.
So I'm not saying anybody's name, by the way,
because I'm not doing that.
My point is that on the red it's they talk about this
family like they're the good can it is they own a gym they own a martial arts gym, but
this is Arizona. Everyone there, a lot of them, they're all so desperate, they live in
litter boxes in hell and and it's sand traps in hell they live in. So the family that owns the kickboxing gym
is like the Bush family
to these people who live in hell.
No offense.
Am I a friend of anyone?
You live in hell and have nothing.
So to anyone that has anything,
these people are impressed.
These houses are all made of the finishes
that people with that I know,
we use them like the outdoor fireplace
and then these people put it on the whole house.
I'm going to get really distracted here and this whole thing's going to be about
masonry. And that's not what I want it to be about.
My first of all, none of this is going in anyone who lives in Scottsdale.
Who I've several friends of Scottsdale and Pirates Valley.
The great Phoenician, a lot of a lot of a lot a lot of, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, They run around and they attack brutally attack kids. They bash their heads in and their teeth are flying everywhere.
And they're doing it in a in and out parking lots and everything.
And a lot of these kids are rich by the standards of Arizona,
by the standards of Arizona, by the standards of Gilbert,
Arizona, not Scott, you know, so they're connected connected.
But then there's the Mormons were involved.
Now, I don't know much about the Mormons.
I really don't.
I don't know anything about the Mormons.
Other than, again, please don't be mad at me.
It's very stupid religion.
As the world religions go, it's very, very dumb.
The premise of Mormonism is that God dictated
the real deal to a literate guy
who is also a drunk named Joseph Smith. And then that's
the whole point here. Whatever you're and now, by the way, if it helps, you live a good
life. Hey, if it helps, you live a good life. If it helps, you're not killed and a fornicate
and whatever. If it is what you need, do it. That's the way I feel about everything. Now, as I get older, it's what you need.
As long as what you need doesn't make me like, you know, infringe on my right to be a person
that doesn't agree with your thing, that's why I'm a little skeptical of the in a hordes
of people coming over from the Middle Eastern countries because they seem mysterious about
the religion. Very serious. So the Mormon thing, my cousin's husband is a ex communicated
from Mormonism because he, as any reasonably intelligent 17 year old, he sat down when
they went, this is retarded. This is not it. Now, Mormons, I guess are kind of gangsters.
I didn't know this, but they're kind of gangsters. I didn't know this, but they're
kind of gangsters. The Marriott family, they own all the hotels and all of the world. They're
a big Mormon. I didn't know anything about this Latter-day Saints. I just knew Mitt Romney was
a Mormon. And again, don't be offended if you're a Mormon, you like the show. Good for you,
but it just, it seems silly. Objectively, it seems like an objectively silly religion.
A lot of these religions are just created to siphon money from people, control them, whatever.
We all know this, whatever. Now, now the Mormons don't talk to the cops. They don't, they,
they protect their own. It's insular. This is what I've learned on Reddit threads and
reading about the more, I don't know these things. People tell me my cousin's
husband tells me about these things. So in this town where people are apparently incredibly
privileged because they own the Pokeball spot, their kids are like athletes and they're
doing very well and they're just going around this valley. What is it called this place?
Gilbert.
No, but the East Valley.
Oh, East Valley.
What is?
So they're going around this valley, the East Valley, and they're attacking kids randomly
and the home and everybody in the community is going, stop, stop killing my children in
the community now.
And they just ran that article at Gilbert Arizona,
one of the best places to live.
Yeah.
And these kids going around beating people up
and the cops are doing nothing.
The cops are like not arresting these Mormon rich kids.
This also happened in Gilbert Arizona years ago,
as a gang called the devil dog.
Some white supremacist gangs supposedly probably was that maybe worked with Sammy the bull
Gervano selling ecstasy.
I think unless I'm mixing that up, but I'm not.
It's the devil dogs.
They were a gang in Gilbert.
And I think they were working with Gervano because Gervano moved the Arizona.
He was selling ecstasy, whatever.
So there's a, is this something weird in the town and the town has the big temple, the
LDS temple, right?
Very interesting.
So they kind of protect our own. So these kids are running around
attacking people and nothing is happening. Nobody's getting arrested. Nobody's and it could and you know, they're white and they have money
What people in Gilbert, Arizona consider money?
No offense.
It's not, it's not one high park.
You don't know what it is.
Google it.
Piggy.
These kids are running around.
They're all psychotic.
They're sociopaths.
They think their gangsters are acting out rap songs.
They have a rap song that I heard, which is not good.
They're using drugs.
They got guns in the videos, the brass knuckles, they have the gun out. They're in the, you
know, the macaroni grill style mansion in Arizona with the gun out. I'm a thug. I'm 17.
I'm a Mormon thug in our in Arizona desert macaroni grill house. It's crazy. And it's
a fascinating story.
You can show that, right?
The kids with the guns and they're in the hot, you know,
so this is interesting to me because the cops are doing
nothing and I know people there.
I know like people there.
I know everyone thinks it's Carrie like.
It's not Carrie like, you know, it's not,
but I know other people, but I know people in the state.
And they're like, they're like, this is super weird that none of these kids have been
arrested because here's the deal.
They kill a kid.
This is what I've left out.
There's a Halloween party and this kid, Preston Lord, this young kid sadly gets murdered.
He's attacked.
They stop his head out on the
ground. I mean, this is really crazy stuff for the nicest town living in America, right?
And what's not to like? 110 degrees, fake legs, tarantulas. You know what I mean? What
couldn't what's the not to like? Dust storms, scorpions, snakes.
It's lovely.
Now marauding groups of teenage Mormons trying to kill you and try to kill your kids and
the cops doing nothing.
What is not to like here?
So they kill this kid and nothing is done.
They don't do anything.
The cops don't do anything. The cops don't do anything. Supposedly the cops are in cahoots with the parents who are in cahoots with the school.
This prep school that these kids go to. I can't really say the names of these things because everybody's litigious.
So I'm not going to say that right. Am I wrong? You tell me. We shouldn't say the names. I'm not going to say the names of kids
Can I say the name of the school? You can say the name of the school. We could bleep it out if we find out later. We shouldn't say the names. I'm not gonna say the names of the kid Can I say the name of the school you can say the name of the school we could bleep it out if we find out later we shouldn't have it
I don't know what that but what does that even mean the episode comes out tomorrow
Yeah, it's a school in Gilbert Arizona and where a lot of rich kids go. Yeah, let's keep it at that keep it at that
Yeah, I'm not trying to get sued
What if this is a Jesse Smlet thing
where we find out these kids didn't do it?
They probably did it.
I think they did it.
I think they did it.
But you gotta be careful now
because you know,
so they kill this kid and the cops do nothing really.
And now the town has gone nuts. They're leaving their houses.
These tiny little olive gardens wedged into the sand dirt where they live.
And then some of the people, even from the bigger olive garden, macaroni grill style homes.
And they're leaving these homes. They're leaving their recliners. They're leaving their desert pools, their turquoise desert pools.
They're walking outside onto their fluorescent lit streets in the middle of the Iraq where they live.
And they're walking to the police station.
They're going do something.
You you Mormons.
This is what's happening in Arizona. Does anyone care? This is the news. This is the news.
Now what's happening? There's people in Arizona who just want justice for the kid whose head
was stomped out by these crazy kids. And everyone knows who they are, like everybody on the
reddit and all these things are going,
no, it's these kids. They're the ones who've done it. And play this. This is, this is,
uh, this is the mother or the aunt. She's speaking, and she's speaking to this memorial. This
is very sad. Yeah, this is the visual Thursday. When we got the call, the Preston had been jumped.
My husband, as the protector of the family, assumed the role of navigating traffic signals.
To get us to the hospital is quickly and safely as possible.
As the nurse, I assumed the role of evaluating medical scenarios of what his condition would look like at the trauma center when we arrived.
Bruce's maybe a black eye or some broken bones. Never could I have imagined the scene that we would walk into
that night. I was the first one to get to the hospital. I checked in and I said I'm pressing Lord's
ant and he was just brought in as a trauma.
The girl's eyes immediately dropped, avoiding eye contact with me,
and said, please come with me. She buzzed me into a small room sterile and alone,
or white walls. One tan couch, a single sage green chair, one medical supply box of cleanups. As the averting eyes close the door to this hospital cell, the only word she could give
me were the doctor and social work will be in soon. Yes, okay, listen, this is
very tragic. This is a trial with these kids got to go to jail. They have to go to
jail, but the cops have done nothing. The SWAT team serves some warrants, all of this stuff's on Snapchat.
I mean, this is a human tragedy.
And the kids who did it are monsters, right?
These are, they've been doing it.
They've been, so then you think about how do you raise a monster?
This is, this is a good question.
This is something to think about in the burbs, but it happens.
It actually happens when kids have nothing to lose.
They feel like they have nothing to lose,
whether they are from the projects
and they feel like they see all their friends
get killed in front of them.
And the value on human life is very low
because they are thrust into a world
where things are insane from a young age.
You know, you, you, you have people that become sociopaths because they, you know, in order
to just function, you have to shut off the part of yourself that has any feelings.
Now this also happens in the suburbs where people are quite
comfortable. And you have kids that are just genuinely going out randomly attacking kids,
doing serious damage to them and killing one of them. And then you have their parents
swooping in and going, we're going to protect you. And we're going to try to, we're going to help you get away with murder, which is,
I never had a relationship to my parents like that, but I guess a lot of people do.
I like my parents. I love my parents. They're good people, but they, I don't, they never would have
tried to shield me from the consequences had I murdered somebody and they have recommended
finally the Guilbert previous recommended charges to a bunch of these kids, but it says
juveniles and adults that that can mean that some of the kids are 18, but that could also
mean that they will charge some of the parents with trying to obstruct and protect these
kids.
And it's an ex-girlfriend. It's always the one who
gets you. She's coming out and telling people what went down. This kid was 16 when he died.
When your kid dies, it really ruins your whole life as an adult, as a parent. You can never really
come back from that. You can live a life, you can live a good life,
but you can never come back fully from losing a child.
This is, it doesn't happen.
So the idea that the kids who did it would get off
or go free is crazy.
Crazy enough that even the people of Arizona were motivated to take to the streets
and stop these rich by Arizona standards, parents from protecting their children and trying
to, you know, pressure the cops or maybe they're working with the cops. Maybe one of these kids
parents is a cop. We don't know. We don't know about that. But it's got to be maddening
to see nothing done. And people are going to go, well, they're rich white kids. This happens
often. Well, you know, I, I'm, I'm sure that it happens more often than, than when they are black, we know that. We get it. But there should be
a, some justice here for this trial that was murdered. And that's this case that I've
been following these Gilbert goons. It's a squad of marauding Mormons, maybe. I don't know. Maybe it's not
and by the way, if it comes out that they're not Mormons, then, hey, egg on my face, apologies.
Everything being written about this suggests that they are Mormons and that they kind of protect their own out there in Arizona.
I didn't even know they were there.
I thought it was Utah.
But apparently there's a big presence
in Gilbert, Arizona.
And good for the citizens.
The citizens going to police are corrupt.
They're incompetent.
Best case, they're incompetent, but they're probably corrupt.
And they're not doing anything.
So I think when they blow this open, when it becomes national news, and I'm talking about
it before it's national news, it'll become like a very, very big deal.
And that a lot of maybe heads will roll with the cops or anything like that.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
In another spate of Happy News, a Florida teen kills his sister over Christmas presents.
I got to be honest with you.
My I was at a few Christmases this year.
My father is my cousins.
I am telling you right now, I am, I feel like
we are getting kids too many presents in the country. I think this is what makes the Gilbert
Goons goons. We give them too much. My cousin told told her mother get only one gift per child.
My aunt and I think that's good because kids are getting way too much.
Way too much.
Abriel Baldwin 23, the mother of a six year old and an 11 month year old and 11
month old, 11 month year old and 11 month old
11 month year old and an 11 month old was fatally shot by her 14 year old brother on Christmas Eve
Where is this Florida? Yep another paradise isn't a
14 year old Florida teen fatally shot his sister in an argument over Christmas gifts
The argument started when the brothers ages 14 and 15 were out shopping on Christmas
Eve Sunday with their mother and sister and gotten to a spat over who was receiving more
Christmas gifts.
After shopping the boys, their mother, their 23 year old sister and the two young children
went to their grandmother's home
in Lago where the argument can take.
Can you imagine the argument continued?
So I guess they're like a mall or something.
They start fighting about who's getting more gifts.
The 23 year old sister should be, I know she's got two kids, but still she shouldn't be
getting any gifts.
You're an adult.
The gift cut off has got
it happen at 18. A few things for college. That's it. That's when the 14 year old brother
stood in the doorway. He took out his 40 caliber semi automatic handgun. He pointed it
at his brother and told him he was going to shoot him in the head. The 14 year old tried
to get his 15 year old brother to fight and an uncle ended up separating
them and moving the 14 year old outside into the driveway area.
That's where he found Abriel carrying her 11 month old baby in a carrier.
She told him, you all need to leave that stuff alone.
Why are you trying to start it?
It's Christmas.
The 14 year old argued with her, calling her derogatory terms and shot her in the chest as she was holding her infant
in the carrier. She fell and the baby fell, but the baby was unharmed. The 15 year old
brother then came outside, took out a 45 caliber semi-automatic handgun, explain, you shot
my mother fucking sister and then shot the 14 year old one time in the stomach.
The sheriff said there was an eight second gap between the time the 14 year old shot abriel
and before he himself was shot. At the time he was shot, he was no longer in possession of his
gun. The 15 year old then ran through his gun in a nearby yard. And is it an, who got them all the guns for Christmas?
Is that, that might be a problem.
Maybe it wasn't a good idea.
Last Christmas, everybody get a gun.
Everyone got a 40 cow for Christmas in this family.
Gabrielle was taken to a hospital, died of her wounds.
She was just a woman going about life, doing her thing with her two kids.
Now you got two kids and their mom's dead.
This is the quote.
14 year old is charged with first degree murder.
Child abuse and being a delinquent in possession of a firearm.
The kids, this is the problem.
Remember when, you know, there was this idea that like the children or the future and the children are going to,
the children are a real big problem in this country. And I think, yeah, well, these kids carried
guns all the time. They're out in the middle of the night doing car burglaries.
The kid, the, the, the, you know, how many of these homicides are young people, tons, young people
in this country are a threat to everyone.
When I see a young person, I'm on edge. I'm not even kidding. When I see a young person now, I'm 38.
If I am in a mole restaurant, like a high-end,
mole restaurant, a fig and olive, if you will,
if I'm in the Houston, Galleria, at fig and olive,
and I see a young person, I'm immediately on edge.
I'm immediately on edge.
I expect
to be shot or to be lectured about the names they want to be called young people now are
sick. We've made them sick. And they're, they're, they have no like this Gilbert thing that
the snap shots are sending are like, yeah, hit a kid he's dead now.
They're unfeeling, uncaring monsters, the whole lot of them, by the way, I'm sure there
are some good ones, but the vast majority of young people now are, they're unstable.
They're unstayed.
They have no solid footing of which to proceed to create a life.
And it's terrifying being someone who sees and reads
all this shit about young people and how sick they are.
You know, I'm much more wary of young people
than I am older people.
Young people don't see violence as
or anything, something that's real. I don't know what it is. Life has no value to them.
They don't seem to care about it. They like, and I'm not saying that these qualities aren't
present in older people, but it's incredibly terrifying. When you see these qualities emerge in a younger person, a 14, 15,
16 year old, who doesn't attach, put any value on human life.
And you see them in the malls, you see them out there with the dead eye.
They have dead eyes, the young, young people have dead eye.
I mean, God, what's, what
is, what have we done to the, why
are they like this? Have you
ever, and I'm telling them not
wrong? Go to a diner, go to a
restaurant, go to a gastropub, go
anywhere. You see a large
family. The one who's 14, there's
something with their eyes.
Something's up.
This is, we're getting the evidence.
And by the way, remember we had no evidence.
We're like, we don't know what it's,
we just give two-year-olds magpots.
We don't know what happens.
We don't know what happens.
Well, here's what happens.
They become the goons.
When you raise children, you outsource
the raising of your children to algorithms, they've become monsters.
Truly. I see them. You see them. They're out. You see them. They just, they have dead
eyes. Go and speak to a teenager at a holiday party. They have dead eyes. And it's terrifying.
And I know you're going to, I you're gonna get all these messages,
not all of them, well a lot of them do,
a lot of them do, a lot of them do.
I think we have more than enough evidence now
that whatever we're doing to them is not ideal.
Across the board, it's kind of,
it's kind of, you know, disturbing.
I don't have children myself, obviously,
and I, but I know people that do.
And they're trying to do the right thing,
but like, you know, I also know
that a lot of these kids, they just,
they're fully being raised on TikTok.
They're fully being raised by algorithms.
They're just, what's cool to these kids.
They're nihilists.
You know, they've grown up in this environment where there's nothing is real.
We at least saw the institutions like the Catholic church and the government.
We at least saw them fall from a pedestal, but at least there was that pedestal.
And then when we started
to get older, we started to see the cracks in the foundation. These kids have never had
any authority figure. They've ever respected their life as chaos, pure chaos from the moment
they're cognizant of anything. Their lives are pure chaos, chaos. This is not good apparently.
This is very, very bad way to live when you're a child,
when you're there trying to figure out
how to orient yourself in the world
and everywhere you look is something
that is the ruins of something.
Everybody hates each other.
No one agrees on what reality is.
And the only thing that's cool is drugs, violence,
killing people, having money, having things, it's crazy.
There's no value system.
You can plug any of that into.
It's nuts, completely nuts.
I'm hopeful that we can figure out a way
to like maybe the schools should be jails.
To be honest, maybe we should kind of identify
these kids is like, maybe we should kind of treat them
like criminals.
They're a problem.
The children are a problem.
It's not, they're not the future.
That's not happening.
That canard is not happening.
The children are not the future.
The children are a threat to the common good.
They are a threat to society, children.
Teenagers, they are a threat to society, children.
Teenagers possit, they are a threat to the fabric of our society.
And they need to be dealt with, dealt with, dealt with.
What was this?
Is this a great idea that none of them work?
Is it a good idea that no children work?
I'm too serious now.
Is it a good idea that not one child in
this country has a fucking job anymore? Nobody works at the movie theater. Nobody takes
the tickets for the, for the, the, the fair. Kids used to work. Now they don't work anymore.
They sit around and mansions doing fentanyl and waving guns around on TikTok. They need
to work. All we heard from the communist to raise my generation
is how unfair it was in the work houses in England.
Because Oliver wanted,
can I have more gruel and they wouldn't give them more gruel
or whatever.
Now, now everyone has gruel and everyone's a thousand pounds.
So we've over corrected now.
No kids are in the work houses.
None of them are working at all.
These lazy fox have grew for days.
They can press a button on their phone
and someone comes in and gives them a burrito and a gun.
So they're all in their Arizona,
Olive Garden style mansions in a backyard,
in a swimming pool doing fentanyl
and looking for hunting for people to kill
because none of them have to, I had jobs.
When I was a kid, I had jobs.
I worked.
I worked with my mother, who was an overweight lifeguard.
She was a swim coach, and the little children
she taught us swim laughter, they cling to her
like a flotation device, and she brought me into that.
My father got me a job working
for some drunk who owned a restaurant and he wouldn't serve coffee because he wanted
to be unique and everybody hated him. I was the bus boy in that restaurant for a few months
but I kept fucking it up and they got rid of me. But the point is I always worked. You should
get your working papers at 14 or 15 and you should have a fucking job.
This idea that children should not work is the worst idea.
All of this anti-work shit is being pushed by people who want to tear apart
the entire fabric of our society.
Don't work, man.
It's so cool.
You shouldn't work. Just fucking hang out. Why you got to go
to the office? You're gonna work. No, it was the work. This whole thing, all of these
kids in the suburbs now, they don't have bosses. They have no response a bit. Their parents
don't care about them because they're doing typo or whatever these parents are doing.
They're managing the martial arts, whatever these fucking people own. They don't care about them because they're doing typo or whatever these parents are doing. They're managing the martial arts, whatever these fucking people own.
They don't care about their kid.
They don't care.
They're checked out.
They're trying to make money by Arizona standards.
They're trying to make money.
They don't have time to sit down with the kid and go, hey, are you killing people?
Look at me, you dead eyed little freak.
Will you look at me, you dead eyed little monster?
Look at me.
Are you killing people in the internet parking lot while I'm out training these fat Arizona fucking housewives and widows so they can go out and
snag a second husband so they can get a house on a fake turquoise lake and his dump. Are
you killing people while I'm doing that? Look at me. You freak. They don't have the time.
These parents don't have the time. They're trying to climb the ladder of nothing in Arizona.
It happens in New York City too.
These big hedge fund people, their kids going in out of rehab.
I have a friend, this guy, he's a companion for these severely autistic children who were
literally abandoned like, theoral cats in Central Park by their parents because they wanted
to go to Stad and go skiing and these feral cat children literally autistic on a level in straight you say hello to
them they go and my friend has to walk them around they're addicted to the
internet they jerk off so much their penis falls off these kids have gone nuts
and they they've been abandoned and their parents are out you know an
aspirin or and Palm Beach
and they're trying to climb these corporate ladders
and their children are abandoned.
Just to fend for themselves and some of them develop,
you know, the severe social anxiety disorders
or whatever and then my friend, much like a sober companion,
he has to walk them around and tell them
about his horrible life so that they feel better, I guess.
I don't know.
But the point is what I'm saying here and what I'm saying is this movement where we took children
out of factories is not good. If a child had a factory job, if a child could leave school and
go to a factory and put the time in, they would be better off. If a child had, if we could have a manufacturing base
in this country with children, teenagers that had to work and we cut the, cut this shit
out with the college now, enough with that. That does nothing for anyone. The biggest
losers I know are in $200,000 worth of student loan debt.
They got nothing going on.
Children have to work.
They need to work at the movie theater.
I know, no, it's okay.
Well, nobody goes to the movie theater, Tim.
How do they work at the movie theater?
I don't know.
They're working the vape shop.
Wherever they got a fucking work.
They shouldn't have all this time.
They shouldn't have all this time to murder.
The kids have too much time to kill.
Literally. And the parents don't care. The kids have too much time to kill.
Literally, and the parents don't care,
the parents don't care, they're uninterested.
They're trying to get another Tesla.
They're uninterested in what the kids are doing.
They're not sitting down with the kids
and asking them, are you killing anyone?
Excuse me.
And all these kids names are like Jalen and Braylin
and all these fake fucking crazy names
that their mothers gave them.
It's like, give them real names,
God forbid out of the Bible,
and make them work in a factory or something.
That's a good, it's a good, happy medium.
North Korea.
North Korea would do this.
North Korea is trying to become a tourist destination.
They're also ramping up a,'re also ramping up their military.
They're trying to get ready for a war
with yours truly the United States.
So now North Korea has welcomed tourists in the past.
However, it is unlikely that any of those tourists
will be American bummer.
Get some North Korean restaurants hot. Get some North Korean restaurants hot.
Get some North Korean restaurants.
Let's see what they're doing.
Here's the thing with North Korea.
It's very, it's kind of bleak.
It's bleak.
It's not great.
If you want to really...
Yeah.
See that one?
The Grand Theater Restaurant. Let. See that one, the grand theater restaurant.
Let's see that.
Let's see that.
Stick a look at those photos there.
Just what?
Yeah, see that.
Here's the thing North Korea.
I know you've put, by the way, probably
better than Gilbert Arizona.
But I know that you've put a lot of work into the missiles
and you've put a lot of work into, you know, the end of the world, but you've got to put a little more work. I don't hate the orange napkin.
By the way, I do not hate the orange napkin.
I don't hate the orange napkin and I don't hate the attempt at greenery.
But it needs to be a little focused. You know, it seems, I don't know. It's a little empty. It feels a little, I liked it.
It's uncludtered. See, the good version of this would be, you say it's uncludtered space.
The bad version of it would be, you know, it's kind of creepy. And I think that's what North Korea.
A lot of North Korea's public spaces are kind of haunting and creepy.
And a lot of their restaurants are unappealing to people
because of that.
So if you want tourists, you have to kind of get,
you have to have fun.
What are the biggest tourist destinations in America?
Disney World, get them up, get the biggest tourists,
I'm gonna guess, I'm gonna say Disney World's number one. I say Las Vegas is in the top five. I say New York cities, maybe number two. What are the
biggest tourist destinations in the United States of America? Because then we can really let North
Korea know how to do it. Times Square is number one. It's Central Park is number two Las Vegas is number
three. Union state. By the way, this is, I don't know that this is true because Disney World
has got to be number one. Yeah. So this is not true. These worlds number seven on their
list. Disney World's number seven. Well, maybe Disney's lost because they're turning all the kids trans.
Isn't that what's going on?
Yeah, yeah.
Here's what I mean in North Korea.
North Korea needs to figure out they don't have Harry Potter world.
They don't have Disney world.
What is North Korea got?
They have like a sub museum from like a boat they captured in the 50s.
What kind of boat like a submarine?
No, it's like an American.
They captured an American submarine and then they made it into a museum.
Yes.
Yeah, I'll tell you right now.
I just remember seeing it on the internet.
Yeah, well, I don't know how many people that's getting over there.
USS Play Blow.
Yes, Play Blow.
Yeah, here you go. Yeah, I mean, I don't, play blow. Yeah, yeah. Here you go.
Yeah, I mean, I don't, that doesn't seem that exciting.
Right. Yeah, I don't know. We need, we need more than this.
What we do really well as a country is simulate fun. We're really good at it.
That's why we like our adult population like theme parks and they love cruises because if you're left to have fun on your own, you have to appreciate nature or history or cuisine.
You know, things that most people in this country don't really appreciate and cannot afford. So what's left for the rest of those people is a simulated good time.
Fun that is given to you.
It's an all inclusive resort.
Here's the beach.
Here's the booze.
Here's the day.
We don't, we don't, you were not trusted to plan any of your own activities.
The activities are here for you.
You know, here's what you got.
So North Korea needs to figure out
how to make an adult theme park
that is attractive to people from all over the world.
And it might be submarine land.
Like you could figure out a way to have a big,
cause they're, I'm not saying
don't like their whole military dictatorship vibe lean into it.
Yeah.
Lean into it, because it's kind of cool.
If I know that I can visit North Korea, but not be captured and killed or my brain scrambled,
like out of Worm B.A. I'm a freak.
I want to go.
If you want to be the like military dictatorship that allows people in. I'm a freak. I want to go. If you want to be the like military dictatorship
that allows people in, I'm with it. I'm with it. It's not going to be Harry Potter world.
It's not going to be what we do. But if you're going to be like a stark cold, but you know,
but with air to appreciate and respect power, you know, like it would
be a fun thing if I was a tourist in North Korea. And there was like maybe a big outside
balcony in restaurants and an outside balcony. And the government of North Korea shows us
that they can turn the lights on and off in the town next door. I'll go to see that, you
know, and they turn the lights off and you hear everyone go, ah, and then they turn them back a lot. If it's fun like that, I'll be into it.
If it's fun like that, it's got, but it's, you gotta lean into the fact that you are a creepy,
fascist place. You can't run away from that. It can't all be, you know, fun and sunshine and song. If I'm visiting
North Korea, I want the grit. I want it like New York City lost a lot of grit. We got a lot
of visitors, but we lost a lot of great. I want grit. So if North Korea can somehow figure
out a way to entice travelers to come, not in prison and kill us,
but allow us to kind of navigate their very bleak
cold world. I'm into it.
And I think a lot of other people would be too.
A lot of other people, there's a novelty
to go into North Korea.
Here's the good news.
Here's the good news.
There's a novelty to go into North Korea. Here's the good news. Here's the good news. There's a novelty to go into North Korea. If I can fly to North Korea with a bunch of people and we can stay
in a hotel and take photos in these vast empty spaces that no one's allowed in, I'm in.
And I think a lot of other people would be too because I know some people that have a lot of money They're a board of going to the South of France. They're bored a
Fun novelty trip to North Korea
Could be fucking amazing getting married in North Korea
Proposing into your wife in front of this big fountain with a bunch of guards with guns and
That's the wedding photo
Proposing in North Korea,
LOL, how the world has changed, they can do it.
They can do it.
You don't have to disney fire.
You can just lean in to the cold, creepy,
you know, industrial thing that they have.
I think a lot of people would end up into it.
It'll kind of end up into it.
It's this country.
It's run by this one family that's kind of feuding all the time.
And it's total absolute fascism.
Like they will, you will be disappeared.
So as long as I'm not afraid of that,
I like empty spaces.
I like places that are not crowded. And that is North
Korea, to be honest, Florida, it's spring break, not for me. North Korea. I love it. I love
it. Just the sound of a fork and knife hitting a plate and hear and nothing else.
The one thing they've done is they've created a space
for reflection.
And I think that's what North Korea should kind of lean
into.
We've created a space for reflection.
You know, all these people go to these spas.
They go to these spas for what?
For quiet.
Can you get more quiet than North Korea?
You know, this could be a new modern spa for people that want to reflect.
And what's Korea will say, if any of our residents leave their buildings, we kill them
in the street. You will never hear anything. We are the quietest place. You want to reflect
white lady from Santa Barbara, come to North Korea. It will be quiet. No one will bother you.
No one will but we promise you.
No one will but you will hear nothing.
You will hear absolutely nothing.
You'll be able to look jury eight, whatever that,
with a version of that is.
But you'll be able to walk around our completely empty cities.
It's your city now.
It is a completely empty city.
It'll just be the military hunter and you and if you can take a girls trip
Where you are it is a completely empty city. It's a completely empty city and it's just you
At there's no lines, you know the vacations are and it's nightmare lined. Did you book the thing? Did you book the boat? Did you book the thing?
picture
Is North Korea continent?
No, but it's a country. Picture an entire country that has been cleansed for you.
The people are on their best behavior there. They're on their best behavior. They are not going to
be a problem. They're not going to be, they are really, they are just going to be a problem they're not going to be
They are really they are just there to fade into the background and to let you enjoy the country
It's kind of the perfect country to travel to and I bet there's pretty
Google North Korea of pretty things are there pretty nice things there see the mountains or their mountains I bet it's has beauty I bet there's beauty
It's the statues of him and his dad, yeah.
But by the way, what a great, it's a great photo op.
But do you see these empty cities are selling me.
They are selling it for me at totally empty cities, totally abandoned empty cities where
people are afraid to go
Because they will be captured by the military hunter is a nice vacation
That is a nice vacation and Americans will not ask where everyone is
This is how selfish we are
We will be the only group
Other people go we're all the people, not us, not us. Let us in. Let us in. I know you don't want to because we're like, whatever about to go to nuclear war, let
the people in. We will not comment on what you do. Americans do not care. When we go on
a vacation, you could be doing a genocide. 15 minutes down the road. If it is not in front of us in our resort,
we don't care. We do not care. In fact, we will not care if the waiter from yesterday was
machete on the way in. And they said that to us, they go, yeah, well, I know you like
the waiter. It's just so sad, you know, him and his family
were hacked up by rebel forces last night. We go, that's terrible. That's terrible. So let me ask you,
can we do breakfast on the beach? Could you bring the chairs down? Is that too much of an inconvenient?
We don't care. We don't care. You're not letting an Americans, that's a bad move. You want
a letting, you want to let in a group of people that doesn't give a shit what you're doing
to your own people. And there's nobody that will play along better than the United States.
There's no travelers. You would want more than fat American travelers who are more than
willing to spend their money. And they will not care what you do to your peat. In fact,
they will come home and say we should do that to people here.
They will appreciate it.
They will.
The people talk about the Singapore canning in this country, only positive.
I've never heard one person say anything negative about the canning in Singapore.
Everybody that has heard of the canning or has seen the canning, it is all positive.
Americans will, they'll go to North Korea and go, I like what they do over there.
I'm telling they will come back and they will sit in the denys and they will tell their
friends, you know, people say a lot about that government, but it's nice and quiet.
And everybody minds their business over there.
That's what you want.
You don't want meddling Europeans that above a blathering about human rights or something you want Americans to come in and
Enjoy your empty cities and and speak highly of how you torture your own people
That's what you want and that's what we'll do
That's what we'll do. We will go to your dictatorship
We will we will thank you
We will take pictures in your vast open spaces
and we will come back and go, you know what?
They got a few things figured out over there.
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Southwest Airlines has debuted their customer of size program where if you are a fatty
boonbattie, you can get an extra seat on one of their planes.
Now obviously the people
who travel Southwest are, you know, there's no first class. They are getting a good deal,
but now there is a customer of size policy, meaning if you are a fatty boonbattie, you
can go and demand an extra seat at no charge from the people at Southwest, which is interesting, right?
Because the way that they make money is by selling their seats.
And if you are fat now, you can demand that they lose money on a seat.
If your girth hangs into that seat, you can demand it.
You can demand it of them.
And they are offering it.
They want to win the business of the fats. Southwest is coming out
and going, many of the people that take our plans are morbidly obese. We need to keep winning them over.
The armrest is the definitive gauge for a customer of size. It serves as the boundary between seats. If you're unable to lower both arm
rests and or encroach upon any portion of a seat next to you, you need a second seat.
You need a second seat. What can I expect during boarding if I'm a customer of size?
What can I expect during boarding if I'm a customer of size? If you have an extra seat, if you have an extra seat boarding document, you need a boarding
document like North Korea.
If you have an extra seat boarding document, you can choose to pre-board to select seats
that best meet your needs.
You can also choose to board with your original boarding group
and position.
Once on board, if necessary, please request a seat belt extension
for our flight attendants.
Can you ensure no one takes the seat beside me
if I've secured a second seat?
Unfortunately, no.
We encourage you to pre-board to locate adequate seating
and place the seat reserve document in the adjacent seat
Our ground operations and in-flight employees communicate about customers needs and if you need
Seating assistance you should so they're gonna give you
They get you get on a plane
They go hey piglet
And they give you a thing that's a seat reserved
You go on the plane.
You're sitting in the seat.
You're a fat, you wouldn't bat him.
Some old hippie, granola granny who's visiting her son in Tulsa gets on the Southwest
flight, sits next to you.
A part, you know, obviously this seat reserve thing, you got to keep telling everyone
to get on a plane that you're fat fuck.
When they go to the seat reserve, go, yeah.
And then eventually people are ready to go, who's reserved for?
Cause eventually everybody's going to be on a plane.
And then that's when, think about humiliating this is, that's when, okay?
Cause apparently you've been sucking your gut in the whole time. That's when, okay? Because apparently you've been sucking your gut
in the whole time.
That's when you take the sea reserves,
like you lift the armrest and then you breathe out
and you let your gut then travel into the next seat.
And then everybody goes, oh, that's what it was for.
What a humiliating process.
What a humiliating process. What a humiliating process for the Southwest customer of size. You have to get on the plane and put a little piece of paper that says, hi, I'm a fat
fuck next to you. The seat is reserved. And now everybody around you is going to be like,
who is it reserved for? But and then everybody will just eventually assume they're like, oh,
he's the guy's, he's fat. He's fat. He gets the extra seat for free. He gets the extra seat for free. Soon it will be a row.
Soon it will be a row because two seats for a lot of people on airplanes, two seats are
not enough. No, be honest, they need a row. There will be a point when there are 13 people
on a plane going from New York to Phoenix and they all pay $8,000 for a ticket or the government will start
subsidizing. The airlines are going to go to government go we're putting fat people and
we're losing money and the government's going to have to give the airlines money. The
airlines are going to go to people at two fat, our profit models are getting all fucked
up because people are too fat to be in the seats and the government's going to have a choice.
They can stop poisoning the food, they can stop allowing corporations to poison all the food,
but they're not going to do that. So they're just going to shut the airlines up. They're
going to go here, take a little bit. Here's a little money because now you're losing
30% of your seats. You'll get to a Southwest. You'll eventually walk on a Southwest
flight. And there'll be one seat in every row that has that thing that says,
uh, this is reserved for what my gut, my gun. It's reserved for my gun. And then I just love the idea of like, you're on the runway.
The boarding doors now been closed. And you're just sitting there and you're like, all right. And you picked that up.
What see what would be really funny is if you're just sitting there and you're like, all right, and you pick that up. What's see what would be really funny
is if you put your food there.
If right, like if you put a bag of McDonald's on the seat,
on top of that reserve thing,
you put a bag of McDonald's on the seat
and then just open it and then just,
you have your, see, you've let your gun,
it's reserved for my gun. and then just open it and then just you have your... See, you've let your gun...
It's reserved for my gun. Do you not want my gun to breathe?
Yes, that's gotta be the wings.
Wings! Nice!
Where'd you order wings from?
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I don't know what's going on. I'm worried about the
children. I'm worried about the children. I'm worried about the, what we're creating in this country.
I'm truly worried about this.
I hope there's justice for this kid in Arizona.
I hope that, you know, North Korea figures out that the only people that are going to
truly appreciate your dictatorship are Americans.
The only people that are going to let you commit human rights abuses while they
splash around a quiet pool are Americans.
You you need us.
You need we need to come together on this.
We will watch you publicly execute people and we won't say a word.
Just put a waffle machine in a lobby.
We will what we do not care.
I'm telling you, we will say only positive things about your criminal justice system,
your military justice, whatever it is.
We are on the road, timdillacommity.com.
We are on untailer Lorenzo, by the way, not going to her Christmas to the fourth time in
robies of COVID, by the way, starting to like her, starting to kind of like Taylor Lorenzo, by the way, not going to her Christmas with the fourth time in the rubies of COVID, by the way, starting to like her.
Starting to kind of like Taylor Lorenzo.
Obviously, she's blocked me on Twitter and, you know, we don't see to eye, we don't see
eye to eye, but I gotta be honest with you.
I'm starting to like Taylor Lorenzo because she literally go back to my Google image thing,
go back to Google.
There's so many photos of me that I hate.
How, why are they out there?
Which ones?
I don't know.
Yes, that's gotta be the wings.
Wings, nice!
Where'd you order wings from?
Louisiana!
Enjoy Wing Night Inn with Popeyes.
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and with five irresistible flavors, including Ghost Pepper, Honey Garlic, and Garlic Pommajon,
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Now that chicken from Popeye's.
Anyway, can I get the photos I hate removed?
I had no a tish beyond.
Uh, tip to the comedy.com, folks.
Brea California this weekend, Columbus, Ohio, Beth Lampets, Evany Washington, DC North
field Ohio, San Antonio, Dallas, Atlanta, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Boston, Boston, another
Boston.
Um, Connecticut Foxwood, Chicago, Chicago, Dania Beach, India, California out there in
Palm Springs, Palm Desert, Phoenix, Phoenix, Atlantic City. A bunch of other casinos and
stuff too being announced. You know, I just, I want to say it's year end. It's year end
to your end, the end of the year, the year is ending.
And we're heading into a new year.
And it's been a volatile year in the world.
But you know, what I, I believe, I believe that 20,
24, we all expect it to be crazy. And it probably will be.
But maybe for in some way, wouldn't it be amazing
if 2024 was like boring? Wouldn't it be great? Wouldn't it be lovely? Wouldn't it be ideal?
What if Trump and Biden just both die? What if they both die?
And what if we have the most boring, it's a DeSantis and Newsom?
What if we all move to North Korea?
What if, you know, we keep anticipating 2024 with dread, but maybe it's actually not
going to be that bad.
Maybe there will be justice for the Gilbert Goons.
Maybe we'll find out the Gilbert Coons didn't
even do it. We won't. But, you know, maybe, maybe, maybe the Mormons save the day. Maybe they
stop ruining everything with Marriots, right? Maybe my building in New York City allows me to put a pool on the roof, which I've been asking to do.
Stop with the engineers, enough with that crap.
Maybe good things will happen.
Let's be positive.
Let's, you know, we spend a lot of time on the show being negative because that's where
the news is.
But maybe the good things will happen.
Maybe we will, maybe Trump gets elected and maybe people are actually okay with it this time. Maybe it's just old hat and there's no protest and
no riots and no one's, you know what I mean? Maybe Jeffrey Epstein comes back and goes,
I'm not dead. I was just taking a break, but I'm back and everything's fine. I don't know. I don't know how it all...
But I'll tell you,
if you, if, here's what I will tell you,
if you have a positive attitude,
it means nothing.
And I want, I want to just end on that note.
Really, if you wake up every day
and have a really good attitude
and you have, and you see the world through a lens of positive,
it means it's, it's, it's utterly means nothing at all.
So with that, and I'm not saying don't do it,
but it has no bearing, you know, it just doesn't.
It just doesn't. It has no effect.
On the, on the larger issues.
You know what I mean?
Can Steve win make Gaza sparkle again?
Can he make it nice?
In 2024, will we not see Steve win in Gaza?
What if the 30 people that Israel didn't kill over there
all become blackjack dealers?
Something's gonna happen over there.
That's good.
That's positive.
Some goods gonna happen somewhere.
I know it.
We might look back on this and when you're on a roller coaster in Gaza and it's, it's, you know, it's a little
tasteless, but you're on a roller coaster.
And you know, you're doing a bunch of jump and you're at the new Steve wind property in
Gaza, the encore Gaza, and you're there and you're going, you know, hey, let's just enjoy
what we got here. I know, you know, it wasn't great because that's what it's going to be
in like 20, 30 years. You get to be the four seasons Gaza's Gaza and you're gonna go.
Feels weird. You're gonna know this kind of feels weird.
And you're gonna roll over and you're gonna knock on your door and the person's gonna
hand you, you know, the, like a nice egg's Benedict with lavash.
And you're gonna find a way to do it the way they do it.
You know, it's a little homies, La Pida, you know what the eggs?
And we're gonna go and they're you're gonna high high.
Thank you so much.
Are you like originally from here?
And they're gonna go yes.
And you're gonna go right.
You're gonna let and how long have you lived and your husband is gonna go. Honey, honey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no