The Tim Dillon Show - 381 - Job Is A Job
Episode Date: February 11, 2024Tim talks about getting a flat tire in Harlem, Biden’s brain, not being the first, 90’s songs as speeches and Tucker Carlson’s Vladimir Putin interview. American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://www.t...imdilloncomedy.com/ SPONSORS: Gametime: Get The Gametime App & Use Code: 'TIM' DraftKings Get DraftKings App & Use Code 'TIMDILLON' Blue Chew BlueChew.com & Use Code: ‘TIM’ Morgan & Morgan: For more information go to forthepeople.com/tim ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show.
We are late and we apologize for that because I was coming back from the Levity Live comedy
club in the Palisades Mall. What a treat. And you know, it's a dump. It's a fun dump.
And the audiences were fun. It's, the area is kind of a dud. And I was coming back and
I was on the FDR and I hit a big pothole with my car, which is a luxury car. And, and I
was up in Harlem when that happened. So I turned off the FDR drive onto a street corner in Harlem, you know, with this brand
new Bentley car, which the people in Harlem loved, to be honest, were very complimentary
about it.
Everyone that was walking by was like, we love the car.
What kind of car is this?
This is very nice.
And there were cops parked there who promptly left when I got there, they were like,
let's see what happens, which I would have done too
if I was a cop, I would have said,
I would have said, it's not gonna be any fun
if we sit here on the corner, let's take a loop
and then see.
And we couldn't get a tow truck till 4 a.m.
And it was just me and my opener.
And we were sitting in the Bentley and it was on we're on
145th Street 142nd and 5th Avenue. And we were sitting there in the Bentley. And we would stand
outside of it periodically from time to time and people would walk over and talk to us and some
people would look at us and some people would you you know, and then the one tow truck guy,
we got a pizza at one point, we're eating the pizza.
And one tow truck guy came over,
looks like a Dominican guy.
And he's like, I can't tow it because it needs a flatbed.
And I was like, yeah, that makes sense.
You know, and he's like,
you got to watch out for these Venezuelans.
I'm like, what?
And he goes, yeah, the Venezuelan migrants,
they're robbing everybody. They're just taking purses. And he goes, there's
one guy, he goes, he's on a walkie talkie. He tells him, he goes, go get me a phone.
Go get me a phone. I'm like, wait, what? What's happening? So, you know, again, that's not
me. I didn't say that. I, you know, that's a guy who's coming up to me, a Dominican guy in at 1 AM in Harlem going, you got to
watch after the Venezuelans. And, which, which just made me laugh. I was like, where
is that guy on the news? But, you know, you never see like, where is he? Where is his
react? You know, you never see like the Dominican tow truck driver reaction to what's going
on. But he, he went on and
on. He was going on and on about the Venezuelan migrants gangs. And you know, I was like,
Oh, well, we'll, you know, we'll do our best. We will do our best to avoid, but you know,
we were sitting ducks. If anybody wanted the car, they would have
taken it. Nobody did. We, we ended up getting it out of there. Um, but that's why we're
late. So it's not, and we weren't in, maybe that's important. We weren't in the center
of things. We're kind of off to the side. Um, but you know, it's not that bad. Fox news. It's not that bad. A new Bentley sat on the corner
on a hundred and forty second and fifth. It looked like a sting.
I think if you wanted to steal a car, it looked like a sting.
It was like me and a Southern white kid standing outside of the car,
like two undercover cops with this Bentley there eating pizza, waiting to get
jacked. So I think it was one of those things
where like people were like, wait a minute, you know?
I was like, this is a little too,
this is a little too on the nose, maybe.
But the cops kept, you know, like they would,
they would be like, you know, every like hour
they'd be like, oh, you're still here.
I'm like, what does that mean?
I'm like, this isn't such a bad area.
They were like, no, it's not good, but nothing happened.
But what did happen was we did not get home until 5 a.m.
And everybody, I was exhausted and so I slept to like one.
And now of course I'll lose the car for a month.
The thing about having these luxury cars,
which is stupid, I've kind of learned my lesson about them.
I think maybe the next things I get when this is a lease,
when I turn it back in,
I think I'll just not do this again
because anything that goes wrong with any of these cars
is like the minimum a month,
then you have to turn it in and it's annoying.
Now, obviously it's not as annoying as other things
that people go through, right?
This is not, you know, people are gonna be like,
what about Gaza? You know, I know, I'm not, you know, people are gonna be like, what about Gaza?
You know, I know, I'm aware that seems worse.
But it is annoying that you can't take this to a regular,
they don't have a spare tire in the bent, there's none.
There's no spare tire, you're just out there, like,
and then you gotta go through their people,
you can't use triple A,
you gotta go through their whole thing.
And, you know, it's a very annoying process but the what is happening in
Gaza is worse. Is that okay? Is that okay to say that the starvation, the mass starvation now and the
you know and of course being in a tunnel, the people that have been in that tunnel for a long
time, the hostages have been in that tunnel now
For how long have they been in that tunnel probably about two months since October?
Three months four months almost four yeah four months in the Hamas tunnel and a lot of them have died now
It's it's never gonna work over there. I mean this is just my surmise from the whole thing
It's just not gonna work and you know, we're not gonna talk about it because
You know, it's just not gonna work You know eventually you know, we're not gonna talk about it because, you know, it's just not gonna work.
You know, eventually you just, you know,
you have to accept that it isn't gonna work.
You know, I remember I had an uncle and an aunt
and they, you know, it just didn't seem good.
They would show up, they would show up to the,
you know, the holiday parties at different times.
She would come later and bring dessert.
She would kind of not come for the dinner
and he would come for the dinner and he would come for the dinner
and she would kind of show up
with like chocolate covered strawberries,
you know, three hours later.
And we were like, oh, something's up.
And something was up because they are now divorced
and they both live happy lives separately from each other.
But this is what I think is happening over there. Now, obviously,
there was in my uncle and aunt's case, there was certainly less violence. There is more violence
over in the Middle East from my perspective with my uncle and my aunt. My uncle and aunt,
they like made a lot of faces. It was a lot of like scowls and kind of, you know, and that
was, that's not nothing, but it certainly wasn't kind of the, you know, the bombing
of the hospitals and everybody dying. That's a little bit more, that's a little more depressing.
You know, but our president now, I think they're getting into the, they're getting into the final stages of grief.
And they got to get rid of this man.
They cannot run him.
They are going to lose if they run him.
This is the Scuttlebutt.
I talk to a lot of people that certainly know more than I do, and they're all basically
saying that this is not going to work. They cannot run a guy who is essentially
in a stage of mental decline. We all know that. It's quite obvious to everyone. Trump
also confuses things and makes missteps, but in nowhere near the level that Biden has publicly. And finally, the special counsel just released a report
that they're not really indicting Biden
for these documents that he had
because he doesn't know where he is.
They were basically like,
he's a, you know, this is a kindly old fellow
who doesn't know where he is or what he's doing.
He has a poor memory.
There was a quote that basically said that, you know, alleviates his responsibility.
It would have been better if he was indicted because people would have went, oh, okay,
you know, the old dog can still fight, you know, at least he can still lie to us.
I mean, that's all we really want our politicians to be able to do is to be able to lie. That's the job requirement. That's the whole
description of a political figure primarily is that they have the mental capacity to lie,
to, you know, to make things up, to manipulate. That's what a politician does. And he's too old to do that.
He's too confused to do that.
He's too forgetful.
He doesn't really know what happened.
And the money quote, I think was it,
yeah, he's an elderly man with a poor memory.
The jury would be sensitive to an elderly man with a poor memory.
The president did not remember when he was vice president.
Even within several years when his son Bo died, the memory appeared hazy when describing
the Afghanistan debate that was once so important to him.
So I mean, this is the biggest, you know, non-story because we know all of this, but
you know, now the people are being forced to confront this and now there's not that
many people.
I mean, you have Michelle Obama, who, you know, half the country is convinced as a man.
You know, I don't know if that, you know, hurts her.
I imagine that it could help in certain areas and certain areas, you know,
might be a problem, but she's kind of it. Gavin Newsom is a hated charlatan who lives on a vineyard
and manages a failed state from a vineyard that is trying to be, I mean, the plagues, the biblical
plagues are descending upon California at a rate that only suggests
that there is a God and that he is not impartial to the coasts. He clearly prefers the East Coast,
which of course he would. If there is a God, there's no way he likes the West Coast better.
You know, there's no way. That would imagine he's like the most superficial being,
and he just cares that it's pretty, you know
No, I'm sure he's you know, he's interested in you know the floor and the fauna
But he also likes the the life the people that he's created and there's no way that he's not disappointed in the West Coast
There's just no way and
Gavin Newsom is a you know
Hated figure he's not liked he's he, you know, hated figure.
He's not liked, he's, you know, he's smarmy.
There's all the things about him.
He's a good looking kind of 50 year old fuck boy
that nobody trusts and no one should.
And he's presiding over a state.
And when he had the chance to really wipe the floor
with Ron DeSantis in the debate, he didn't. He didn't. He kind of choked.
You know? And DeSantis is not like a great debater. He's like a cop.
DeSantis is like a cop. Best case, he's like a principal. He's like a substitute math teacher who takes himself way too serious.
We had a guy like that.
We had a substitute math teacher that like was really proud of proud of that he was a teacher and he was a coach.
And he wasn't a full-time teacher.
And he was like doing extra around the school
to try to get hired full-time.
And he'd call you out if you were wearing a hat
in the hall.
That's kind of the vibe.
So you could easily kind of trounce Ron DeSantis, but Gavin Newsom didn't do it. So I don't think he of the vibe. So, you know, you can easily kind of trounce Ron DeSantis,
but Gavin Newsom didn't do it.
So I don't think he's the move.
And then you're looking at the rest of the field
and nobody has name recognition.
That's the biggest problem.
The biggest thing with the political system in America
is you need name recognition.
And Michelle Obama has name recognition.
She can come in and if she comes in,
I'm telling you it's the only shot they have.
It's the only shot they have is if Michelle Obama comes in
and they do the whole kind of,
because it is powerful, right?
The idea of like black female president, you know?
You know, identity politics is annoying
and ultimately probably destructive.
Well, you know it's destructive,
but it does have a certain visceral appeal.
And it always has a certain visceral appeal.
Even I catch my, I'm not a human being.
When I watch people and they're very emotional about, you know,
the fact that they are taking steps that nobody in their race has ever done before, even though
that's not true. Like a lot of these people like no one has ever done that. And it's like,
no people have like they erase, they erase a lot of people, right? It's like Martin was
my favorite show growing up as a great black sitcom, right? It's like Martin was my favorite show growing up.
It was a great black sitcom, right?
I mean, the Cosby show, living single, in living color,
there were, there were a lot of, you know,
but sometimes people get up on stage, you're like,
no one has been here before me
and I wanna thank everyone who tried and failed.
And it's like it's an odd, like wait what?
I want to thank everyone who tried to get here and failed
because this country was always racist,
but they couldn't deny me of course.
My talent couldn't be denied.
The others, you know, they tried,
but they lacked something, but I had it to now.
But when you look at a lot of these people,
the gay people that could up and do it,
and they're like, I'm the first queer person to ever,
and it's never true, by the way.
All of these things are never true.
And people get away with it, but they're never true.
You can always find, and you don't have to look that hard to
find people like Ray always brings up that like one of the composers for the music of
the Stanley Kubrick movies was like a trans woman who, you know, is like this legendary
composer of all this music that went in the Kubrick films. You don't have to look that
hard to find somebody before you that also did a thing. There was a gay comedian. I don't have to look that hard to find somebody before you that also did a thing.
There was a gay comedian. I don't know his name and I'm not going to find it out.
But there was a gay comedian who performed for the military all the time.
And it was very difficult. And if somebody knows who this is, they can message me.
Um, his name.
And he died, but he was a gay comedian that would perform often for the military,
which is not obviously always going to be the easiest crowd for an openly gay comedian.
And he died. And, but he did it. And he went out and he said, and he would win them over
with material and then the middle of the set or towards the end or whatever, he would,
he would come out of the closet and people wouldn't mind. It was, you know, it was just, but it was, you know, a little awkward
because you're performing and, you know, when he was performing attitudes about gay people are more,
you know, conservative than they are now. But, you know, he wasn't famous. This was not a famous
person, but he was out there as an openly gay comedian doing what
He did so
I've been lucky enough to get to a level
And I've probably even said there's probably not too many gay male comedians who've gotten to a level
That I've gotten there's a few of them and I've been lucky and that's the internet
Primarily because the internet is you know allowed people to get involved in people's careers. But the reality is you can never claim to be, you're
not the first of anything in 2024. You're not it. You might be doing a great job, but you're probably not the first.
That you just maybe got more famous than the other people,
which is such an empty way to look at it.
It doesn't mean you're better or you're more deserving.
It just means that things worked out for you,
but there's a lot of people that,
so it's always interesting when these speeches
go a little overboard, they just,
they run that line between narcissism and,
you know, because we get it, it is good to,
you know, to make, to break new ground.
But then it just gets a little,
it always gets a little uncomfortable towards the end.
It's a little uncomfortable towards the end. It's a little uncomfortable towards the end of the speech
when the person's like,
it's Jai stand on the shoulders of giants
to be here tonight as the only person,
you know, of my group to be here,
the only, the first non-binary Pacific Islander
to be here with you tonight.
And I look at those other people that were disgraced.
Their lives were horrible and they were spit on.
Their whole lives, they just opened their mouths and people shitting their mouths.
And when I got out of that limousine and I walked on that red carpet in my dress and I got
taken
All these people were taking photos of me. It was never lost on me how horrible
All those other people's lives were and how great it is for me even though there's a lot more to do and this
There's no indication that it's over because it's not over. It's actually In many ways worse for me than those people somehow even though i'm winning this
I don't want to i'm not handing i'm not handing you over the thing
I'm telling you it's still bad and it's gonna be bad
But just as I was in my valentino dress I got out of and I just I thought about all those people whose lives were
Terrible right before me, but there is a visceral
exciting thing about identity is something fun about it. We all can get into it. We go, yeah, good for you. I'm happy
I'm happy when someone wins
right, so I think Michelle Obama is
the only way and
It's gotta be big. It has to be big.
It's gotta be Beyonce at the convention.
It has to be big.
You've gotta, it's gotta be that.
You have to lean.
You have to lean into it in a way that's,
you know, you gotta ride the line between offensive.
I mean, it's gotta be Native American with the drums,
kinda drum circles, and it's gotta be African,
like traditional African dance,
because that is a nice dance.
You don't see that a lot,
like the traditional kind of African dance they do.
And I'm telling you, this all seems racist, none of it is.
And that's what's interesting.
What's interesting about it is that it all seems right.
And genuinely, genuinely none of it is.
And then I have to correct people all the time
because I'm telling her how to win,
telling her how to win.
And in order to win, you have,
I wanna see Minnesota delegates, white,
I mean gaunt white ghost people
that emerged from their shit snowy towns in the Northeast
and they come in the Great Lakes,
the Finger Lakes region and they come in the great lakes, the finger lakes region,
they come out, they come out and they are just kind of moving awkwardly at the
convention to some great African drum beats, great African drum beat and you
just see like the awkward swaying, the awkward swaying of a librarian from
Minnesota, you know she's just awkwardly swaying and she awkward swaying of a librarian from Minnesota, you know,
she's just awkwardly swaying and she's got to bring the,
they got to bring the Jews and the Muslims together.
And we can only really do that at this point through kind of a,
kind of a beat, kind of a dance, kind of a musical,
because it is going to be very awkward, right? Because I mean, you got to have to,
what do they do? That's the biggest issue for the Democrat.
Do they even bring it up? Do they even bring it up?
At the convention, they're gonna maybe have to,
but I'm telling you right now, it's gotta be spectacle.
They have to lean on spectacle.
They don't have, the Jew Muslim thing's gonna be tough
because it, you know, I mean, they've got people of color,
that's one of their big, you know, demos, and then they have Jewish people,
that's another big demo, okay?
And then they're gonna have to get up
and they're gonna go, oh boy, how do we handle this?
And the only way to handle it,
the only way to skate past it is spectacle.
The only way to skate past the border stuff is spectacle.
The strength of this country is, you know,
they really just have to double down on spectacle.
And the only way to do that is kind of with Michelle Obama
coming out with Barack, star power, star studded.
You bring everybody out.
I mean, everybody is on that stage.
Doja Cat, everyone.
And you are just, and no one,
cause that's the only thing they're gonna be able to,
they're not gonna be able to like logically,
there's too many contradictions in their platform.
There's too many groups in the room that hate each other.
Too many people hate each other. And. Too many people hate each other.
And when too many people hate each other,
you have to lean on spectacle.
Everybody, it's kind of gotta be a concert.
It has to be a coronation.
It can't be like you're going through the platform. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, discussion of anything. You bring out Tracy Chapman, you got a fast car. It doesn't matter
that Michelle Obama was raised rich, pretty much. Not rich, but middle class. Fine. She's
fine. You know, people, you know, Michelle Obama can just, just talk about she should
just do the lyrics to fast car. You know, you know, uh? You know, if she got up there,
get the lyrics to Fast Car.
If she got up there and just poetically,
she was like, you've got a fast car
and everyone's clapping and I want a ticket to anywhere.
Yeah.
Maybe we can make a deal.
Maybe together we can get somewhere. Yeah. Starting from zero, we got make a deal. Maybe together we can get someone.
Yeah!
Starting from zero, we got nothing to lose.
Been working at the convenience store.
There's a lot of people out here that managed to save
just a little bit of money.
Clap, everyone's going nuts.
And we won't have to drive too far.
Just across the border and into the city.
And then someone's gonna yell, free Palestine.
And that, you just have to keep going, you know?
And you have to ignore it.
Cause you know that's gonna happen.
They're already planning, they're already planning
that disruption.
So they're gonna go free Palestine.
And then if she's good and she's good,
she'll just point it to me.
You and I can both get jobs, finally see what it means to be living and everyone's good. She'll just point it to me. You and I can both get jobs,
finally see what it means to be living,
and everyone's clapping.
And then she gets serious,
because my old man's got a problem.
He's got a problem.
He live in the bottle, that's the way it is.
He said his body is too old for working,
and everyone's nodding.
You know, the nodding, like,
because you know, she's a wise black woman.
It's what it is.
That's what it is. I live, whenever black women talk nodding, like, cause you know she's a wise black woman, it's what it is, that's what it is.
I listen, whenever black women talk to,
I listen cause they know more than like
a 17 year old white piece of shit.
So I always listen.
They've been through more as people than like young white,
I never, if you're not hot on Instagram,
you're like a young white dude,
if you're hot, I just watch it on mute.
I don't care at all when you're saying, if you're a 20 year old white dude and you're hot, I just watch it on mute. I don't care at all when you're saying,
if you're a 20-year-old white dude and you're like,
eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, that's all I hear.
But if a black woman, no matter what stage of her life,
if she's homeless, I listen.
A homeless black woman, you know, who's like,
I will turn and listen to her immediately
because I just have more respect for their base of wood.
They've been through more shit.
So people in the audience are gonna be enrapt.
You know, there's gonna be like,
is that a word enrapt and raptured in,
what am I looking for?
It doesn't matter.
The point is, what am I saying?
You know what I mean?
They're gonna be, and then Michelle's gonna be at the convention
and she's gonna be at the convention
and she's gonna be like, his body's too young to look like this and everyone's gonna start nodding.
Now, here's the deal.
There are maybe certain people in the convention
will know it's the lyrics to Fast Car by Tracy Cha,
but it won't matter.
She'll go, so mama went off and left him.
She wanted more from life than he could give.
And I said, somebody's gotta take care of it. And then every, and it's a big applause line.
So I quit school and that's what I did. I'm telling you, you have to lean on spectacle
at that convention. Biden has to be taken out like old Yeller. They, you know,
like old Yeller. They, you know, because Biden's a racist criminal. He's an old racist criminal, like many of our politics. Biden is a rate, he called the city's jungles. He's a, he's
got shady deals in the Ukraine. He's got a crack smoking son who's fucking hookers with guns to their head.
You know, Biden has had it.
You know, I mean, he's his like biography.
I mean, it's just a, you know, Biden is the senator from Delaware, which is the shady
estate.
It's where every credit card company moves to in America,
just so they can fuck over financially illiterate people by calling them on the phone and saying
we're sending credit cards to your house. And they have these exorbitant activation fees and
crazy interest and the monthlies are insane and they move to Delaware because
there's very little regulation and they can fuck over everyone. Joe Biden's the senator
from that state, that state, okay? He's a shady guy and he's been one he's been a lifelong politician he's stayed in there forever okay
Al Franken got bounced because he did like a fake little he's like oh look at me I'm pretending
to grope tits he's out Biden he's been around forever it gives you an idea of what he's into or
who he's in with that he's been there forever. He's a shady guy. It's just
a shady guy. There's no way around it. He's an old racist criminal that they have to put
him out to pasture nicely like old Michelle Obama come in in a real,
real electric way that leans heavily on
symbolism, imagery, spectacle,
fun.
And that would be the Democrats only shot.
Make it a part, throw a party.
You have to throw a party right now
for the next six months to get someone to let,
it has to be, cause Donald Trump is throwing a party.
He's throwing a party.
You may not like the party.
You may think the party is not good for the country.
You may think the people at the party have
had too much to drink. You may think some of them aren't mentally well. You might think
some of them are violent. You might look around the party and go, some of these people, this
seems like a real powder keg. And it might be, but it's a party. It is a party. There's
helicopter rides, there's festivals. There's comedy acts.
He's out there on the stump roasting people making you laugh.
He's throwing a party for his people. That's all we have left in this country right now, by the way.
Don't kid yourself. It's a part. People just want to go to the party.
We know we're kind of at the end, not to belabor a point, not to keep going back to the same theme, but we know
that we're entering a period of turmoil, okay? In many different ways. California houses
are just falling off the hill into the street. It's a period of intense difficulty, China, Russia, North Korea,
all of these countries are enemies of us.
We have problems everywhere you look.
Some of it's unavoidable, some of it can maybe be fixed,
but we know all of the things coming down the pike, AI,
automation, climate, it's not going to
be easy. It won't be easy. We know we just want to go to a party. You have to throw a
party. The Biden candidacy is not a party. The only person in the Biden group that's is Hunter and he's
partied too much. It's like we all have that friend where it's like this is too
much. Hey, this is too much. Like that's not a fun party. Hunters overdid it. He
overdid it. And the Biden candidacy isn't fun. Here's what the Biden candidacy
is. Trump's party is a party maybe in a big desert mansion in Arizona. Can we say that?
And everybody's out in the backyard. Everybody's getting fucked up. It's crazy. That's a turquoise
colored pool. The desert lights around. Everybody's just really fucked up. It's crazy. That's a turquoise colored pool. The desert lights
are out. Everybody's just really fucked up. The party is the point. The party is the point.
Right? Biden's party is like you go to this rich kids house and he keeps telling you about
all the things that are going to happen at the party and none of it really happens.
And you're like, is this guy confused?
Is this guy lying to us?
Is this guy, is this even real?
And it never gets off the ground.
It just kind of sits there and it's kind of a dud.
But the Trump party, the party is the point.
Everything he's, all the experiences you're
going to have, you're having, you're having. That's kind of the fun of the Trump candidacy.
Yes, he promises things that may or may not happen, but that's, they're never the point.
They're never the actual point. You know, Biden's, it's the point. He's like, Oh, we're
going to, these girls said, you know the central high school
Well, the girls said they're coming and
Yeah, give me your phone with sex. What was your name?
Tracy Tina, who is that? Oh, she was a hottie and she's coming and that she said she was coming like it's at the party
You get to the Trump party and he's like isn't this the best party in the way and everybody's clapping like well
I guess it is.
This seems like the best party in the way. Everybody's fucked up.
And yes, at the Trump party, a few people die.
Few people die, probably a few people die.
And then, you know, he eulogizes them.
He goes, they died. They were at the party.
And everyone goes, yeah, they were at the party. Who cares?
They're at the party, you know? The Biden party's safe.
You know, Biden's telling you not to get too close
to the cliff.
Trump's like, get the picture.
Get the picture.
Get that fucking Instagram photo.
Who cares?
So Michelle Obama has, and the Democratic Party has,
in their ability, their ability right now to throw a fucking rager.
But it's got to be big.
It's got to be big.
It's got to be nineties liberalism that was fun when all the white people wanted to be black, even though that was gross then, because we all know that
that was in the middle of mass incarceration.
But you know what I mean?
What I mean by that is that it's gotta be fun.
It's gotta feel fun.
If you wanna win, I'm telling you how to win.
And I know people listen to this show
that have some influence.
You have to throw some type of event.
This campaign has to feel new and electric and exciting.
It's gotta feel like a party.
And if it doesn't, it's never gonna work.
So take my advice, at that convention,
I'm talking about African dance,
or maybe it's an 80s themed, 80s, 90s break dance
with the big boom boxes.
I don't, again, you're like, oh my God, this is right.
It isn't. I'm just wondering what theme are we gonna go with here? What theme is it Gen X90 Sl all looking out for each other. We're all friends here
Michelle's our friend and we're all friends and does she walk out with Aniston and Kudrow and all the people?
I'm not kidding and and do we do we all put do we like pour out hot tub water for Matthew Perry?
And do we all put our fingers to the sky, You know, I don't know what we do.
I don't know if we do that.
I don't know if that's wise to have a Friends Convention
where we memorialize Matthew Perry.
That's out there, sure.
That might not be one that they take from this episode,
but I will say, do we reunite the cast of Martin?
Do we reunite with Tisha Campbell? Kind of what the Emmys did
The Emmys got a little a couple more viewers than they usually do do we get to Sheena Arnold Tisha Campbell Martin?
Cole Anthony Payne this was one of the greatest comedy show do we do that?
Does Brittany Griner come out and just start three-point? I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm saying Trump is going to have his version of that.
He's going to be doing the white Olympics opening ceremony.
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They got to feel cool again.
People got to start looking at them going, this is cool. This isn't just like green haired people that are angry in
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Polyamory is a big thing now.
Everybody's polyamorous.
We're not everybody, but they're pushing it hard.
Even long time married people are doing it,
from triads to quads.
More people are choosing polyamory over monogamy,
but it's not all rosy, participants say.
Yeah. This is one
of these articles where it's like quite obvious to everyone what it's going to say, where
it's like, uh, you know, at first the whole poly concept sounded flaky. Married happily for 26 years to a guy she met when she was 19. Cherise always had this, what?
What is this word?
Are you serious?
Is that a real word?
I believe it is, but it's, I wouldn't say it yet.
Are you crazy?
We can have the computer say it.
The word in it, what What what publication is that?
The national post. The national post.
Can I spell this word?
Cherise always had this N-I-G-G-L-I-N-G.
Cherise always had this N-I-G-G-L-I-N-G thing. What? It's a word.
This is the craziest...
There was no other word.
This made it through an editor.
All right, so I'm going to say it if it's a word.
Cherise always had this niggling thing, a curiosity about women that she'd never had the opportunity to explore.
Who cares?
Why?
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Cherise always had this niggling thing, a curiosity about women that she never had the opportunity to explore.
Who cares? White chicks, you know, I mean, listen, some people are bi. I'm not saying it's just white chicks, but I don't, you know, folks, I'm stuck on this word now. This is crazy that they let this word even get. Here's the deal. Polyamory
doesn't work. Here's why people get jealous. Jealousy is real, right? So we all know what
polyamory is. We're all going to fuck gonna fuck everybody and everyone's gonna be cool about it.
You're gonna have sex with people,
I'll have sex with people.
Maybe we'll be in a threple, which seems absurd.
People are in a threple,
they're in a relationship with two other people.
I mean, it's crazy.
We're gonna have romantic comedies now with quads,
with four people, we're gonna have
groups of...
Folks, we've tried this, it's called cults.
Called cults.
I mean, truly.
A bunch of people living together in fucking or, you know, not even living together, it's
called a cult.
It doesn't really work.
Everyone has to drink poison at the end, or they make a documentary about you on YouTube,
but that's really what it comes down to.
You mean these are like,
the idea that this is gonna work is crazy.
People, the idea of it sounds good,
but the happiest people I know are,
are they're building something with their wife or husband
or partner, significant other, whatever.
Like when you are building something,
you have to like subordinate all of the desires you have
for the greater good.
And the greater good is you're building something
with a person,
you know, and you can't gratify every base need that you're having all the time. This isn't, this isn't a productive way to live. And the reason that the media has fallen in love with polyamory is that a lot of people in the media are losers.
And losers, this is an attractive philosophy to losers.
And a lot of people that are in the media are losers.
The people that are writing these articles
that are like cocooned in their apartments all day,
you know, eating Chinese food, eating Baobuns, and
writing about how you should proceed with your love life are losers. And they're
incapable of being in any type of productive relationship. They're incapable
of finding a partner that they enjoy and that they want to build something with.
So they tell you that no one should have these things.
Those are the media, they tell you
that they don't have any money,
no one should have any money.
No one can make any money.
They tell you that they can't find it,
but well then no one should.
Everyone, they say, if they can't be attractive,
no one should be attractive.
It's the ideal that's the problem.
The ideal is the problem.
If they don't have a six pack,
no one can have a six pack,
you know?
And that's what the media often does.
They often go, well, this is our experience.
We're miserable.
We live in New York.
We don't have any money.
We live in these tiny little apartments.
You don't need a suburb, sock.
You don't need that backyard.
You don't need all that land.
You should be like me miserable in Brooklyn. I'm 46.
And I miserable. I'm single. I've, you know, I, I, I live in a,
in a, in a, in a, in a section of Brooklyn that's coming up. I'm 46.
And the time to do that's when you're 19, you know,
but that's why that's why this stuff is all catchy.
There's no, there's no, there's polyamory stuff, but it's all, it feels like engineered.
I don't know anyone, I don't know anybody who's polyamory.
I know, I know people that are not, um, it's my God son, should we answer?
Should we answer my God son? Should he be on the pod?
Sure.
It'd be kind of interesting to have him on the podcast.
My God son was watching the Tucker interview with Putin and clapping. I don't know what
it means. I don't know what it means. But I watched that whole interview. I'll tell you
what I think about that. It's very hard to me because Putin I've you know, I've known him for a very long time and we have a lot of social
Our social circle is he hi Roland say hello on the podcast
You want to go to my house Roland you could take him to the pool
He can go to the pool if You can take him to the pool. You can go to the pool if you want.
Take him to the pool.
China, China.
Play him the interview with Vladimir Putin.
It's a Tucker Colson just did an interview with Vladimir Putin.
It's very important for him to watch because that is his ally.
Putin is your ally.
Putin is your ally. He's so happy.
You could take him to the pool and then play him Putin.
He was yelling at me at a case in the media.
All right.
Well, I'm in the middle.
I do have to finish this podcast, but goodbye, Roland.
Putin.
Rolling.
Um, it's interesting because Putin called me, you know, and we don't talk as much as we used to, and it is fun when he calls.
And he has, here's the thing about him, he has a subtle, very subtle sense of humor.
And I appreciate that because I'm more gregarious and that's why it always worked as a friendship,
because friendships need to kind of have those
opposite components, and his clan is from St. Petersburg,
and I know more people in Moscow,
but we do have certainly there's an overlap.
And he called me and said, I'm gonna have Tucker on,
and I said, go, I said, you know what?
I said, do a whole thing.
I said, give him a dissertation.
And he goes, no, I go to it and he did it.
That's for the people that think that I really know Putin,
that there are people that watch your show
that think like Russia pays me.
Cause I've questioned the,
I've questioned our policy,
our dedicated policy of nuclear war.
The American defense establishment our dedicated policy of nuclear war.
The American defense establishment's dedicated policy of more nuclear war.
I watched the interview. Favorite part was when Putin was like, hey, he said to the talk, he goes, hey,
thank God you didn't get into the CIA because Putin doesn't respect anyone
who doesn't have real power.
And what's cool about that moment is Putin actually respects like the CIA
because he said, you know, they were always our enemies, but he goes,
a job's a job. And he kind of smiles, you know,
because if all you fight against is the CIA,
you kind of have a respect for them.
And Putin, you know, his entire life,
he's been fighting against this one group of people, right? the CIA, you kind of have a respect for them. As Putin, you know, his entire life,
he's been fighting against this one group of people, right?
And the way he said that to talk, or he's got, you know,
Putin doesn't care about people in the media.
He doesn't, I don't think he really respects the media.
He, this is not, you know, so the way he said that,
he's like, oh thank God, you didn't get into the CIA.
He was basically like, I would have respected you
if you were here to poison me.
Because that's the type of guy he is.
And that's the thing.
Here's why Putin is, even though he murders people,
here's what's interesting about Putin.
He's not on TikTok.
This is what we like about Putin. He's a relic of another age.
Let's say that about him. He's an armchair philosopher. He's grandpa.
If, you know, grandpa had hundreds of nuclear weapons. He's, he's a relic. He's not really interested
in the new media landscape. We can say that that's not, he's not interested in that. What Putin,
Putin, it orients himself from his position. He's the first answer was 30 minutes because this
is why I believe what I believe is a junk. Was he filibustering? Is it whatever? None of that matters because
it, this is the guy, this is his perspective. You don't live in Russia. So the reality of
the situation is my interest is that America doesn't go to war with Russia in a capacity with nuclear weapons.
And my interest is that America doesn't instigate a wider war in that part of the world that
becomes a war that we're fighting.
This is my instinct.
This is not a veneration of his worldview per se, although there are certain things he
says which I completely get it. And there are certain things he says where I go, okay, I was a debate guy.
I know kind of what he's doing. But that moment was my favorite when he kind of,
he kind of has that awesucks moment. Cause the fun of his life is over, by the way,
the fun of his like he, he's at the top of the mountain. It's very lonely. He's got the big desk.
of the mountain, it's very lonely, he's got the big desk, but I'm not comparing myself to Putin.
I wish that if I was on a zempik and it really worked, perhaps, but no, what basically,
the thing about Putin is at this point, he's only living for Russia, or what he thinks Russia is. Like he, you know, his friends are all older, they're all dying,
the excitement of his life, being a spy, climbing the ranks, fucking the women, killing the people,
your life almost being taken all the time. That's kind of over. That's over. It's now become, now he's of course trying to outrun these
coups. That's why the Progosian thing, he probably felt alive again for the first
time. He's like, oh I gotta kind of take this plane at a mosque. He probably felt
alive. He said, this feels like the old, I guarantee you at some point to one of
his friends, he said something like, well it feels like the old days. Feels like the old days.
Because he's had absolute power over there for a while.
And he gets boring.
And that's why people are like, the, oh, this interview is boring.
That's what everyone said.
It's boring.
I don't like it.
It's not fun.
That was the critique of the interview.
It's boring.
It's not fun. It's not interesting.
It's boring. Where's the back and forth? Where's the yelling? I want them to yell at each
other. Yeah, it's a little dry. It's a little dry, but that's what it is. What do you think, Putin, like all these people, this
is what's interesting about the QAnon cult, the QAnon people, again, not all wrong, we
know that, but they're, they're wildly speculative about most things And they're just downright insane about others. That there
are body doubles, people have died, but they've been replaced, JFK Jr. is coming back. But
by the way, you want to talk about if JFK Jr. is alive and he comes back and he runs
with Michelle Obama, it's over. It will be over. But I, what I mean by the Q and on
cult is that politics by its very nature is boring. I think the hardest thing for us in
our society to wrap our heads around is that there is a banality to the evil that we see
in the world. It is not nearly as exciting as we think it's ancient
blood cults and shape shifting lizards and all the things, but what it really is, is
the cold marble floors of a bank and like Geneva. It's the high heels of a woman walking
across the cold marble floors of a bank in Geneva.
It's a very short phone call on a line
that people assure each other isn't being tapped.
It's a lunch where people are very vague
about their intentions,
but there's an underlying discomfort.
There is a banality to it.
That's where, well, obviously the phrase,
the banality of evil. It's what you, you know, and we just aren't built like that.
So much of American culture has been imagined by Hollywood in,
in spurts of, of two hours and hours on TV or half hours,
even storylines that have beginning middle and end and they they are filled with intrigue and
It's not to say that there is an intrigue in the world
It's not to say that things aren't interesting, but that's really what it is. It's not
It's not these it's this guy's talking about Zars. He's talking about
It's this guy's talking about Zars. He's talking about Vladimir being, this guy being baptized.
And this is like the greatest.
One of the other great moments is Tucker is like,
where are we now?
And Putin's like 1500s.
He's like 15.
You know, you will fall asleep.
That is most of the things where people are being killed,
if you were to get a full accounting of them,
you would go to sleep.
This is not an episode of a show you like.
This is not White Lotus,
where at the end of eight episodes,
we're like, who kills who?
White Lotus, you know the body's there.
It's an episode one, so you know it's all heading somewhere in episode eight.
But if I were to sit down, and not that I would do it, but if a scholar were to explain
to you the Israel-Palestine conflict or Russia, you would be in bed.
You'd be in bed.
You're killing each other.
Wait, what?
Prince Philip?
Vladimir being baptized, the Cossacks or whatever,
it's boring.
And then I think people just have this idea
and you could see there were certain moments
in the Putin interview,
because my interest isn't politics,
it's always the human angle.
There was your certain moments
and that was really one of them where Putin's like,
a job's a job.
And the way he said that, he was basically saying
that that was the fun of my life.
That was the excitement of my life.
The funnest part of when you're a comedian,
a lot of times is when you're running around open mics,
not knowing what will happen.
And you have all these people, and you're all on the same level, and you're all running around eating slices of pizza, and you're running around open mics, not knowing what will happen. And you have all these people,
and you're all on the same level,
and you're all running around eating slices of pizza,
and you're all broke,
and you're all trying to figure out how to be a comedian.
Not to say that you don't find fun
throughout your career, you do.
But it changes, there's more pressure,
there are expectations, sacrifices are greater,
they're more real.
In the very beginning, you sacrificed almost nothing, you know, the expectations are very low. You're having a lot of fun. I think in Putin's
world when he was a spy and he, he didn't know that the future of Russia is resting on his shoulders
in his mind, he had a lot more fun. It was a lot more fun. And you could see that when he goes,
they were always our enemies, but a job is a job. He's like, they, we, without them, what are we?
What are we?
What are we?
He has a respect for the enemy.
He does not respect media.
He does not respect interview.
He does not care.
He, in the beginning, he goes, are we having a show?
We're gonna have a talk.
So if we're gonna have a talk,
I'm gonna talk for 30 minutes, you're gonna be bored.
Some of your viewers will tune out, I don't care.
I don't respect you and I don't respect them
because I'm one of the very few people on the planet
that has a nuclear arsenal.
I respect those people.
Just like when he said, I don't speak to Biden,
but our agencies talk, we have communication.
I, they say to me that nuclear test is not about you.
I say the same thing to them.
Our agencies talk.
They talk.
So seeing the kind of light,
his eyes lit up only a few times,
but during the interview when he said,
yeah, they were always our enemies,
but a job's a job you could tell.
And I felt, dare I say,
oh no, they're coming for me now if I say,
ah, ah, ah, ah.
Dare I say, I felt a little sorry for him.
Cause he's locked away in that palace.
He's locked away in the palace.
And he's basically got in that palace. He's locked away in the palace. And he's basically got, in his mind, the history of the Russian state on his shoulders, you
know?
And it's not that much fun, probably.
He's not having that much fun.
And then for that second, he remembered, you know, back when it was fun, me and the
guys, people are trying to kill us, we're trying to kill them, we're trying to turn
assets, they're trying to turn us. It's a deadly game, but it's their game. You know,
it's their game. And he goes, yeah, jobs a job. He respects that. There was something
interesting to me about that. I'm familiar with his rationale for the Ukraine war. I
didn't need to know that. I'm familiar with that. I'm familiar with his rationale for the Ukraine war. I didn't need to know that. I'm familiar with that.
I'm familiar with most of it.
His history lesson in the beginning, obviously came as a little bit of a
surprise. I don't know all of that, but I kind of know exactly why he's
his worldview. I'm aware of it.
But the human moments that, uh, dripped out where he goes, yeah, it was a fun.
We had fun, you know, jobs, a job. They were always our enemy.
We were always going against them.
Can you find that part?
Yeah, yeah, let's find this.
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Now here it is, now I want you to watch
Vladimir Putin's eyes here,
because they come alive like a kid on Christmas morning.
Position committed a coup in Kiev.
What is that supposed to mean?
Who do you think you are?
I wanted to ask the then US leadership.
With the backing of whom?
With the backing of CIA, of course.
The organization you wanted to join back in the day, as I understand.
We should thank God they didn't let you in.
Although it is a serious organization.
I understand. My former vis-a-vis in the sense that I served in the first main directorate, Soviet Union's intelligence service.
They have always been our opponents. A job is a job.
YAAAAAAAHHH! Loves it!
He goes, but that is a serious organization, like what you're doing interviewing me, this ain't it.
We don't respect none of this.
Let's hear it for everyone in the shadows, folks.
You have this be the CIA, the Stasi, everyone, all of the people in the
shadows, murdering, torturing, killing.
I know it's a controversial thing to say.
Everybody, the idea of Hamas, everyone in the shadows and the tunnels in the dark.
I get my, you know, I get people seeing go, I'm a fan and that feels so nice and these
guys never hear, they never hear, they never hear that, they never hear that.
These intelligence agencies, they never hear that anyone's a fan of them, they have to
kill, maim, torture, the shadows forever.
It's not easy.
They have this little, you know, group of people. They have this
little fraternity of people that respect each other. A job is a job. Vladimir Putin says,
a little fraternity of people. Let's hear it for all of them. Let's hear it for, I don't care if
they killed you or your family. Listen, let's just hear a job is a job. That is what we have to
remember. And that's what we have to tell Michelle Obama. Maybe Tempest bled so comes out. I don't know. But it's a spectacle.
There's drums, steel drums. Is it an island feel? Is it a Jamaican feel? I don't know.
It's gotta be cool again. I want to see white people from the Great Lakes region swaying awkwardly to the music, sway awkwardly to the music.
And everybody's clapping and Michelle Obama goes, you got a fast car.
And together we can get in that car.
And everybody's clapping and Tracy Chapman, and she's got the guitar out.
I'm telling you, that's what it is because the Democrats need to do their job. A job is a job. Vladimir Putin just said it. He just
fucking
Said it. I don't know if he even knew how profound that was at the end
But a job is a job and the Democrats have to do their job. They're not doing their job
They're running a guy that's old and decrepit and he's not fun and it's not a party and you're running him
against a guy that maybe throws the best party in politics. It's not going to work. If you,
if they're going to throw a party in the back of the house in Arizona that looks like a
macaroni grill with a turquoise pool and a bunch of fentanyl vapes, you better throw
a fucking rager outside of Boston in a big old Victorian
in Hingham, Massachusetts with a bunch of polyamorous lesbos fingering each other in the middle of a
circle and Tracy Chapman has to be playing fast fucking car or you're gonna lose. A job is a job.